#it's 20 to 1 in the am rn I am waiting for this stupid fucking DVD to encode

[welcometogrouchland]

Absolutely fascinating to be in the middle intersection of knowing that Thing is really popular, and that because Thing is popular there's a fair bit of vocal backlash to thing (because people are very mad Thing is popular when they don't like it) and you find yourself running through the unpleasant takes (not bad, just not what you're here for) from people who don't like Thing like snow white running through the scary fucked up forest until you finally find the fucking cottage where people who like Thing talk about Thing. Then you pass out in the cottage and when you wake up a bunch of small and opinionated creatures still carrying their burdens from the content mine arguing about Thing and also now your presence in relation to Thing bc you were clearly fleeing from the bad takes forest. This metaphor isn't what I wanted it to be but you get the idea

[brooooswriting]

Would/could you maybe write a sam carpenter x fem!reader comfort fic/imagine with her comforting reader after a breakdown which leads to r crying but in Sam's arms? Just something I'm craving rn, thanks 💜

I need you

Sam Carpenter x reader

Some days life seems like a piece of cake, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. But that doesn’t happen to broke college students who still have to hustle to get their degree. You had too many things to do and nearly not enough time, money was short and your parents were on you like hawks. They cut the money because they thought that you’d need to learn how to live yourself and while that wasn’t really a problem to you, they thought it was.

You were staying with Tara for the time being as your parents kicked you out of your apartment for a certain timespan and you didn’t have the time nor the money to get a new one. T was nice enough to let you stay and Sam and Quinn were fine with it too.

You and sam liked to keep your relationship on the low, it wasn’t quite a relationship but it also wasn’t just a fuck. It was something and you didn’t wanna label it because you were scared that it’d ruin it. So, you never talked to anyone about it, not even Anika even though she was your best friend.

It was late at night, around 2 a.m. when you sat in the kitchen, trying to write an essay for your English class when sam came home. You’d been working from 3 p.m to 1 a.m as your coworker got I’ll and as soon as you got home you sat down and started to work. You were dehydrated and haven’t really eaten since 2 p.m. You were moody, sad and you weren’t getting anywhere with this stupid essay. After just starring at the screen for around 20 minutes your eyes started to fill with tears and your breathing got heavy. There was no focusing anymore, you were blowing your nose again and again while you tried to wipe away the tears with the sleeve of your long sleeve shirt.

Sam walked in on you sitting at the kitchen table. Your back was turned to her, so she couldn’t see your face. “Hey, you’re still awake” she whispered as she walked up behind you, her arms wrapping around your shoulders and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. You mumbled a yeah as you tried to keep your voice as steady as possible. But it was no use, Sam was great at observing and your shaky voice was easy to notice. “What’s wrong honey?” Her voice was unbelievably soft which made you break.

You started to cry out loudly, hiccups following and your shoulders shaking. The older woman’s heart broke for you, she noticed that you had been down lately but she didn’t know that it was that bad. Her hand reached down to grab yours and pull you over to the couch where you carefully sat on her lap, one leg on each side of her hip. Your face was squished into her neck, your sobs silenced while her arms squeezed your waist and pulled you closer. Sweet kisses were placed on your neck and head along with reassuring words, in hopes that they’d calm you down.

“I’m sorry” you hiccuped out, slightly laughing about how much of a mess you were. You hoped that it’d make the situation less awkward and uncomfortable but it didn’t really. “Don’t apologize baby, wanna tell me what’s wrong?” She asked as her hand rubbed up and down your back. The moment was too sweet to be just between friends.

“I’m just, I-I, it’s too much. I’m failing basically every goddamn thing, I’m not making enough money and my parents are watching me like hawks just waiting for me to fail and if it keeps going like this then they won’t have to wait even longer” you cried out, your head falling back into the crook of sams neck. Your tears were staining her neck but she couldn’t care less.

“Don’t say stuff like that! You’re doing great baby” she said and started to stand up. Your legs wrapped tighter around her waist while her hands supported you. “You’re working all alone, you’re doing your best in college. I am so proud of you” she kept mumbling as she sat you down on her bed. She let go of you for a second to get you one of her hoodies and her boxers, it wasn’t the first time you were in her bed but it was the first time it felt this intimate.

“Thank you but we both know that my parents don’t think the same. They are going to hate me if I fail” you kept crying, burying yourself in her hoodie and turning your back to her with your legs pulled up to your chest.

Sam didn’t say anything, you heard how she changed her cloths and then heard her move to the other side of the bed. She’s never really been someone for cuddling, it just wasn’t hers or at least it wasn’t with you. But this night she laid down behind you, tightly pressed into your back with her arms wrapped around your waist. Her face was pressed into the crook of your neck where she placed soft kisses up and down. It was unbelievably comforting.

“Sleep a bit for me Love, well take about everything else tomorrow alright?” She mumbled into your neck and pulled you closer, watching how your eyes close before her own closed too.

The next morning you woke up still in sams arms. She was already awake when your eyes opened, her hand stroked up and down your side. “Good morning, are you alright?” She asked, her voice immediately comforting you. You gave her a small nod and turned in her arms, cuddling into her chest. You weren’t sure what was happening at the moment but decided to take advantage of any comfort you could get.

“You know, I meant what I said yesterday” she started, her fingers combing thru your hair, “I am proud of you and I think you’re doing awesome. Just let your parents talk, but if they’re rude to you, come to me alright? I’ll protect you. After all you’re kinda my girlfriend right?” She sounded unsure and insecure at the end which made you coo.

“I’d love nothing more that being your girlfriend” you answered, leaning your head up to press a quick kiss to her lips. By all means it wasn’t your first kiss, but the way you kissed was new. It was filled with love and care, it made you feel like everything was going to be alright again. And as long as Sam was by your side, everything was going to be fine.

[daisychains111]

live "tweet" books with me (via the Goodreads progress bar) pt. 6 A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

SHAMELESS PLUG: The rest of the books are on my page as pt 4/4.5 and pt 5 hehe

Nesta laughing at the cauldron is so badass oml.....she was really pissing me off in frost and starlight so this book better redeem her"

you're reading my mind cassian...man up and knock

is he gonna call her nes the whole book YES PEASE

 Nesta "You're not my high lord" Archeron back in action

hahahaha rhys is scared of nesta (for good reason but it's still funny)

I still say that Nesta and Mor are gonna be besties.... it's just a matter of time

HAHAHA self insert smut book shaming

damn Cass brutal as hell

I am beyond excited to watch these two losers lust after each other for the next 700 pages...my favorite annoyances to lovers....plus Cass drooling over Nesta in pants is HILARIOUS

cassian comparing his reactions to things that happened to Nesta to Rhys' reaction to feyre and Tamlin cracks me up....just patiently waiting for their mating bond to kick in

Eris is right, they need him...but 1 he doesn't need to be a dick about it, and 2. I'm not excited for Mor to find out

Nesta making fun of her celibate bat boy "making fun of my smut books? I raise you making fun of you having to jerk off yourself" ICON

how Az isn't laughing his ass off rn I will never know...he's stronger than me that's for sure

hmmmmmm....Nesta dear, that sounds suspiciously like a mating bond

these mf have dirty ass minds....they're really just horny af

cassian don't be a creeper

yes Cassian be very bashful about what the sentient house can see...ya nasty

I would choose to read books with a romantic subplot over just a plain romance book literally every day but sometimes I'm really just like "fuck your war go kiss"

hehe Nesta and Gwen bestie prediction

I love the house so much...such an instigator

OMG JUST KISS ALREADY WTF

choosing to ignore the length of Cassian's hair bc long hair is an ick

AHHHH HIM TELLING HER TO KEEP REACHING OUT HER HAND JUST LIKE MOR TOLD HIM TO DO WITH HER IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL...IM SOBBING

I'm really ready for the Archeron sisters to be on one team...this 2 vs 1 bullshit is stupid...like clearly you love each other

YYAAAYYY KISSIINNGGG

YAYA RHYS AND FEYRE BABY!!! I saw that coming from a millleeeeee away

that is gonna be the most spoiled child known to man

reading this in the library at school is an interesting choice

"Just sex," my ass

azrial is the worst chaperone in all of existence... but he's also clearly the biggest Cassian/Nesta shipper in existence, so it's fine... Also, the way he just knowingly ate at the table after what they did is BOLD

awwww smutty book club

the older sister disapproval is real...also Nesta calling Rhys Rhysand is hilarious

I love Emerie and Gwyn so much omg

Emerie and Gwyn giggling at the sword inuendos is peak bestie vibe energy

every once in a while the Archeron sisters will say something very "human girl in her 20s" and it cracks me up to no end to watch their centuries-old faerie boyfriends look at them as if they're speaking tongues

just admit you're in love with each other..." just sex" is just hurting both of you

that is just about the hottest thing I've ever read

ewwww what does Tamlin want

Nesta needs a pin that says "bitch and proud" bc she really owns that shit like no other

"your my friend" my absolute ass

I love dancer!Nesta

bc I haven't read in like 5 days I can't remember what plan Cassian is ruining rn but I'm glad he's doing it...go dance with your girl pookie

HE HAD MOR GIVE HIM DANCE LESSONS??!!?!? YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW

Rhys is good at his job bc he can have feyre AND Cassian freaking out at him in his head and still hold a conversation....live laugh love feyre and Cassian as the Nesta Archeron protection squad

ha ha az...can't hide that you are in love with Elain from Nesta, she sees all

Az getting Nesta a gift is the cutest thing ever

FUCKING FINALLY JESUS CHRIST 🤦🏽‍♀️

Cassian has the confidence of an actual doormat...sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's annoying as hell

YAY THEY'RE MATES....BOOO THEY'RE STUPID

I love Gwen so much...that's all

THEY'RE GONNA WIN THE WHOLE THING I JUST KNOW

hehe her mate taught her 😊

there is a little too much plot happening right now for a book that only has 30 pages left

cracking jokes after you almost just died...Cassian I love you

OH GOOD GOD FEYRE

death pacts make me want to kill the people who made them

miracle magic objects are gonna miracle magic object now and bc Nesta's a badass everyone's gonna live...the end

YAY NESTA AND RHYS ARE GONNA BE BESTIESSS

awwwwww nyx

if I die never knowing what happened with Eris and Mor I'll kill Sarah myself (I never got to know)

(Afterthought in post-production: this could've been two books bc the way the plot was resolved in the last 30 pages of a 750-page book is WILD)

I'm also not gonna be reading fantasy for a while just bc that's not what's next on the tbr, so it might be a while before I do the next part cause these are harder to make for contemporary novels tehe

[charmed-asylum]

PROMPT THE BREAKS Prompt List: (starter kit)

Remember you can choose as many as you want or even pick from other places just remember to add on to your story and tell me.

1. "Come over here and make me."

2. "Wait a minute. Are you jealous?"

3. "| almost lost you.?

4. “Wanna bet?"

5. "Don't you ever do that again!"

6. "Kiss me.?"

7. "It could be worse.?

8. *Looks like we'll be trapped for a while..

9. "You need to wake up because I can't do this without you."

10. "I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice."

11. "Just once."

12. "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified."

13. "If you keep looking at me like that we won't make it to a bed."

14. "You heard me. Take. It. Off.?

15. "You fainted.…straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn't have to go to such extremes.

16. "You did all of this for me?"

17. "| swear it was an accident."

18. "YOU DID WHAT?!"

19. “If you die, I'm gonna kill you.”

20. "It's hard to get used to.. «what is?" "Being someone that someone cares for.."

21. "The first time you smiled it felt like the universe aligned."

22. "It hurts..." "What?" «Loving someone who doesn't love you..

23. "Let me do this, please."

24. you're not as funny as you think you are

28. I'm just getting comfy

29. just because you can doesn't mean you should

33. you are such a nerd

34. why are you so cold?

35. stop laughing at me

37. you're ticklish

38. can we go home yet?

39. you are a terrible influence

40. one of us is clearly smarter than the other

41. you need some sleep

42. how have you survived this long by yourself?

43. are you just quoting song lyrics?

44. sleep is for the weak

45. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

46. "What? I have never-"

47. "I do not have an answer for you.

48. "In my defense, I really wanted to."

49. "At least I didn't break any laws."

50. "What did you do this time?"

51. "How do we get out?

52. "I don't hate you."

53. "Don't call me that."

54. "Just marry me already."

55. "Did I stutter?"

56. "Did I just say that out loud?'

57. "H-How long have you been standing there?"

58. "I've never felt this way before and I'm terrified to be honest.?

59. "Is that what you call an apology?"

60. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

61. "There is no way this much stupid can fit inside one person."

62. "I'm never leaving.../ promise."

63. "Uh, am I interrupting?"

64. " like you, like like you like you"

65. "Stop being a fucking prick.

66. "Do you want me to stay?"

67. "You're my everything."

68. "I love seeing you smile."

69. "i've been thinking about you all day.?

70. " i can't get enough of you.

71. « like being close to you. you're warm."

72. I’ m not wearing any underwear. thought you'd like to know."

73. "this is a one time thing."

74. "you know where to find me."

75. "you're really good at that.

76. "don't be shy now, sit on my face."

77. "YOU SENT ME PICTURES OF YOU NAKED WHILE I WAS IN A WORK MEETING!"

78. "If I ask you to kiss me in front of all these people, will you do it?"

79. "Don't go on that date." "Why?" «You know why." "Say it."

80. "i think i might be in some kind of love with you?

81. "say you want me, and i'm yours." "you need a place to stay for the night"

82. "i want to taste you"

83. " love it when you talk dirty

84. "if you interrupt me one more time- so help me god'

85. "if we weren't in public right now i'd have my head between your legs"

86. " don't know what to do" "then let me teach you"

87. "this feels dirty" "that's because it is"

88. “don't cover you're face, i want to see you"

89. "are you sure about this?"

90. "ive never wanted to fuck someone as badly as i want to fuck you rn".

91. "do you want help with that?"

92. “im going to fuck you until you forget that assholes name"

93. “bend over the desk love"

94. "is that a drawing of me?"

95. “i didn't mean to say that but yeah, i love you."

96. "you weren't supposed to hear that!"

97. "this isn't adrenaline, i want to spend my life with You “

98. "do you think of me when you touch yourself?"

99. "I'm not going anywhere"

100. "fuck you. - "when?"

101. "no one's ever made me feel like this."

102. here, let me help you."

103. "we're quite literally fugitives of the state." -"so no pizza?

104. "you're insane." - "people keep telling me that."

105. "you're pretty." - "you're drunk."

106. "i'll keep you safe."

107. "i'll spend a thousand lifetimes coming back to you."

108. didn't think it was possible to love someone this much."

109. "Touch yourself for me.?

110. "Shut up and take your pants off.

111. "Wanna see what I'm wearing underneath all this?"

112. "Do you know how beautiful you are? It's truly distracting."

113. "How are you this perfect?

114. "I've waited so long for this!"

115. "Would you just shut up and kiss me already?"

116. "Tell me what you want."

117. "Could he make you feel as good as i do?"

118. "Are you trying to turn me on or are you really just that oblivious?"

119. "Just let me finish this/this level and I swear ill go down on you until you cum at least three times.

120. "I haven't even touched you and you're already this wet."

121. "Were you just masturbating?" "U-uh.no, I was just." "Want some help?"

122. "I really want to kiss you right now." "Then do it."

123. "I don't care what you do just fuck me."

124. "Stop distracting me."

125. "I saw you last night..you looked beautiful."

126. "God, you have no idea how amazing you are, do you?"

127. "I don't wanna hurt you, baby"

128. "You think that I'm watching you? Don't flatter yourself..."

129. "This world doesn't deserve an angel like you."

130. "I think they might be a problem. Don't worry, love, I'll take care of them for you."

131. "I'Il do whatever it takes if it means we'll be together forever, my sweet."

132. "You will do what I ask."

133. "If you just do what you're fucking told then we wouldn't have a problem, would we?"

134. "Where's that smile I'm looking for, sugar?"

135. "So…do you want your underwear back?"

136. "Sweetheart, I have to mark you. How else is everyone gonna know you're mine?"

137. "You've been so good lately, my pet. Don't make me have to punish you.

138. "I fucking need you more than I need to breath."

139. "If you leave me, I'll die!"

140. "I know you liked them, sweetie, but they were keeping you away from me."

141. "You're mine, do you understand? You belong to me”

142. "Cry for me, baby."

143. "I know it hurts, honey, but that's what happens when you don't do what I say.?

144. "I just want to show you how much I love you..

145. "Don't worry, my love, I'll protect you."

146. "The next time they touch what's mine, I'll cut their fucking arm off."

147. "You're so cute when you're struggling."

148. "If you don't take your clothes off, I'll take them off for you.

149. "Just give into me, love."

150. "I'll lock you up and throw away the fucking key if you ever even think about doing anything like that again, do you hear me?"

151. "I wish you would just let me have you..

152. "I just want us to be happy. I had to kill them."

153. "'I do whatever the fuck I want to you, got it?"

154. "Is it so hard to love me?"

155. "I hate it when they look at you…so fucking much.."

156. "You know you're mine, don't you?"

157. "Do you really think you can get away from me?"

158. "You know you're mine, don't you?"

159. "Do you really think you can get away from me?"

160. “l know everything about you, darling, and you're so perfect."

161. "I'm madly in love with you.?

162. "You're all I ever think about."

163. "If you don't kiss me, I'll slit your fucking throat."

164. "You're such a pretty little thing tied up like that, baby."

165. "Tell me how much you love me."

166. "I'll carve my name into your back if that's what I have to do to let you know you're mine."

167. "Why're you crying? Aren't you happy to be with me?

168. "I'Il kiss away the pain, doll."

169. "I'm sorry, honey, but you made me jealous. They had to die."

170. "Do you think I like hurting you? Because I fucking love it.'

171. "You don't even know how lucky you are. I protect you and provide for you. Don't act so ungrateful.

172. "It's okay to love me. Please love me."

173. "I could fucking kill you right now, you know that?"

174. "Don't test me, darling."

175. "You think I'm jealous? Trust me, buttercup, you haven't even seen jealousy."

176. "I want to tell you I love you until my throat bleeds."

177. "I imagined my life without you and it was better. I was happier"

178. "I knew you were capable of this, but I never thought vou were

179. capable of doing this to me.

180. "It was never me. It was always them/her/him."

181. "I don't love you anymore, goodbye"

182. "Stick a knife in my chest, it would hurt less."

183. "Don't say that. That's not what I want."

184. "You're not who I thought you were."

185. "Leaving you will hurt, but staying with you is more painful."

186. "People change."

187. "I look at you and I don't feel anything anymore."

188. "I can't carry on like this."

189. "Just because you're angry, it doesn't give you the right to be cruel."

190. "I can't trust you anymore."

191. "You left like I was never a reason to stav"

192. "You have to forgive me" "I can't"

193. "If I could go back in time and change loving you, I would"

194. "You've ruined my life."

195. "I know you're trying, but it's just not enough."

196. "You'll forget about me, just like I'll forget about you."

197. "You're a fucking idiot!" "Yeah, I know."

198. "You've hurt me for the last time."

199. "'m tired of fighting."

200. a pretty little house-pet who just follows you around all day and cries when you have to leave

201. “JUST LOVE ME! LOVE ME IN THE WAY I LOVE YOU OBSESS OVER ME! CALL ME PERFECT! LOVE ME ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!”

202. "You look really good in my clothes"

203. "This reminded me of you"

204. "Your hands are warm"

205. "I just want to relax in your arms"

206. "Let's go home" "I'm already home"

207. "Make a wish!"

208. "I could just stare at you forever" "Creep"

209. "I'm so lucky to know you"

210. "You're the most beautiful being on the earth"

211. "Hold me"

212. "You smell amazing"

213. "I wish you could see the way I see you"

214. "What are you doing?" "I was trying to make pancakes but it didn't exactly work”

216. "This isn't just a(n) [object], it's a promise"

217. "Sing to me again"

218. "Come back to bed"

219. "You're the only person I want to spend my life with"

220. .. sorry, I talked too much" «No no no not at all. Keep talking"

221. "Oh my god you never told me you could cook"

222. "Our kids are gonna be *mwah*!"

223. "Come on. I'll show you how to dance"

224. "I can't believe I never heard you sing before"

225. "I know you had a bad day, so I made you cookies"

226. "Let's go and look at the stars"

227. "Is that... is that a dog?"

228. "I'm gonna need someone to kiss at midnight"

229. "I can't stop thinking about you"

230. "Get on my shoulders, you'll see better"

231. "Is be a great parent, I'm just saying"

232. *Fogs up mirror and writes a message*

233. "I never thought I could miss someone this much"

234. "Not to be drastic, but I would jump off of a cliff for you"

235. "You're breathtaking"

236. "You're my new pillow"

｡* 🎀 𝐸𝓃𝒿❁𝓎 🎀 *｡

[slutforsnow]

Heyyyy sooooo uh... I've been in a shit hole and trust me, I want to do the south park requests, but i fell off that hyperfixation and now am in a chokehold of ITSV/ATSV 😅 I have drafts but rn no motivation for sp and I am SORRY😭 While you wait, here's chapter 1 of my story on AO3, called

The Blue Note

If anyone wants to give me ideas to make the background for the title. That'd be appreciated too😭

Anyways, this fic was inspired by @feyhunter78 's very own Pink Pastels, on AO3. It's a Miguel x y/n fic and ITS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. Go read it, now./nf

Anyways, The Blue Note is an OC x Hobie Brown/Spider-Punk fanfic and it's going okay so far and I hope you like it!

She frowned. Where the hell was it?! She was on a mission for her father and he would not be pleased if she returned empyt handed.

"For the love of the GODS! WHERE IS THE FUCKING THING!!?" She yelled, yanking her mask off her face.

It was the Death Realm, AKA Earth 666, where she born. She had scourged the whole place for a STUPID rock 20 times over already and she still hadn't found it.

It was pissing her off more than the time Lyla had caught her daydreaming. She was the heiress to the Spider Society and WOULD NOT be caught daydreaming about some man. That is an entire level of Hell in itself as she was aroace.

Getting fed up, she typed into her watch, allowing a portal to open up and she walked through it, passing a new comer and heading straight for her father's office/lair thing.

"Koton. You're early," a plain and daunting voice greeted, not looking down at her.

"Yes, I am. I was pissed," She replied hotly. "That place is very angering."

"I am aware, but you need to control yourself there. You know that," He told her. Koton clenched her fist. He just didn't understand.

"I know that, Father. But my subconscious-" She tried to say, only to be silenced when he raised his hand.

"Enough. Go to your room and get your head cleared. You can try again later as right now you're shaking, much worse than last time. The memories coming back must have been worse than last time."

Koton froze, hearing him mention her shaking. She hadn't told him that, nor had he turned to face her. Sensing her surprise, Miguel chuckled and glanced behind himself, and gestured for Koton to come up to onto the platform.

She disappeared into the darkness, then reappeared next to him, looking puzzled. Miguel gently placed a hand onto her head, causing her to semi-relax and she leaned into his protective touch.

"You're my mija, Koton. Even if I don't look at you, I'll always know when you start to panic."

A small smile started to appear on Koton's face and she nodded.

"Okay, papá," She simply said, feeling him pull her hood off to reveal her face to him. She had a few cuts on her face and her eyebags had worsened. Miguel hated sending her to the Death Realm, but she needed to go.

"Now go get yourself cleaned up and take a nap. Your eyebags are getting worse," He told her, earning a small nod from her and she disappeared from him. The last thing he saw before she disappeared in black mist were her blood red predatory eyes flashing against her pale skin.

[bitchinbarzal]

Prompt List Week ✨

I’m bored in a hotel rn and I’ll be travelling a lot this week so send in some prompts for me to do, I miss you all!

1. "Come over here and make me."

2. "Wait a minute. Are you jealous?"

3. "I almost lost you."

4. "It could be worse."

5. "You need to wake up because I can't do this without you."

6. "I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice."

7. "Just once."

8. "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified."

9. "You heard me. Take. It. Off.”

10. "Wanna dance?"

11. "You fainted…straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn't have to go to such extremes."

12. "You did all of this for me?"

13. "I swear it was an accident."

14. "YOU DID WHAT?!"

15. "If you die, I'm gonna kill you."

16. "It hurts." "what?" "Loving someone who doesn't love you..."

17. "Let me do this, please."

18. “just because you can doesn't mean you should”

19. “thank you for being in my life”

20. “text me when you're home”

21. “you were put on this earth to give me a headache”

22. “can we go home yet?”

23. “you are a terrible influence”

24. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

25. "What? I have never-"

26. "I do not have an answer for you."

27. "I don't hate you."

28. "Don't call me that."

29. "Just marry me already."

30. "Did I stutter?"

31. "Did I just say that out loud?"

32. "H-How long have you been standing there?"

33. "I've never felt this way before and l'm terrified to be honest."

34. "Is that what you call an apology?"

35. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

36. "Somebody's in love!"

37. "Can I hold your hand?"

38. "There is no way this much stupid can fit inside one person."

39. "I'm never leaving...I promise."

40. "Uh, am I interrupting?"

41. "I like you, like like you like you."

42. "Be my Valentine?"

43. "Can I kiss you?"

44. "God, I love you."

45. "You're so fucking cute."

46. "Stop being a fucking prick."

47. "Do you want me to stay?"

48. "You're my everything."

49. "I love seeing you smile."

50. "i've been thinking about you all day."

[feijoaaas]

i gotta do two school assignments this week which are late submissions of two classes that i’ve failed already and are trying to remedy

on top of that i’m starting a new class today (gotta be in the auditorium in 11h, i love how i’m not even asleep yet) for which i also have to do assignments that need to be done by tuesday, yes, tomorrow, and while that’s happening i gotta wait and hope i get accepted real fucking quick to yet another class (that i applied to yesterday) that i can do online in a speed run kind of way for academic points because i’m currently almost half a semesters points away from receiving further student loan again

so basically i have to do more in this week than i’ve done in the last couple months. i’m literally the thisisfinedog.jpeg rn

and the stupidest part of it all is by summer i gotta have remedied all my classes and my points if i’m to be accepted into the subtitling class i want to read so i can maybe actually have a job i’d enjoy, because in order to apply for it i must have 90 academia points (university/college credits basically)

BUT, and here’s the stupid part, even though it’s a subtitling course and you choose which language you’ll be focusing on - literally zero of your academia points need to be related to language or translation or anything remotely related to english in my case

meaning, supposing i had the ability to actually focus and study and not some sort of undiagnosed add! - i could’ve literally studied anything

i could have 90 academia points in chemistry or ballet or marine biology or national economy or literally anything. and i could be up for a spot in the course. meaning it’s all bullshit

as if 90 points in chemistry or history of european art is gonna help anyone to translate a movie both succinctly and to the point (i cannot even tell you how many direct translations i’ve seen recently which just skew the meaning entirely, not counting literal wrongful translation) and in a timely manner

it’s gatekeeping in a manner that makes me so fucking sad, because i’m so quick to learn computer programs, ie a subtitling software, and i’ve watched +20 years of american and british movies and i’d honestly be fucking amazing at it.

but nope i gotta do all this fucking bullshit studying first just to be “elevated” to someone who has academic knowledge and has had to write short academic papers on jekyll and hyde and some random topics that has no relevance to anything

it makes me so sad and angry and exhausted and angry

and the worst part is that if i don’t fucking get it together and remedy my two previous courses and get my 60 points from them plus the 30 points from the class that i’m starting today, by summer then i won’t have chance to get accepted to the autumn semester of the subtitling course and then i gotta wait for the spring course and that means i will have fucked away 1,5 years of studying for nothing

because if i don’t make the autumn course then i gotta either study something else (more student loans) or take a job which i don’t want to do rn, and the class is two semesters so that just sets my goal off even further

AND THE BEST PART is that even IF i pass all my academic points and IF i get accepted to the subtitling course this autumn and IF i pass that on the first try without having to remedy it later

then if i want to apply for a job as a freelance subtitler then THE FEW SUBTITLING FIRMS OUT THERE ARE STILL MOSTLY LOOKING AT SOMEONE WITH A 1-2 YEARS EXPERIENCE OF SUBTITLING

but how am i gotta get experience without actually working

it’s all just a fucking joke i hate everything both capitalism and academia and everything in between

[henryandkalcavillsdogpack41482]

1. “Come over here and make me.”

2. “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

3. “| almost lost you.?

4. “Wanna bet?”

5. “Don’t you ever do that again!”

6. “Kiss me.?”

7. “It could be worse.?

8. *Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while..

9. "You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.”

10. “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.”

11. “Just once.”

12. “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

13. “If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed.”

14. “You heard me. Take. It. Off.?

15. "You fainted.…straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.

16. "You did all of this for me?”

17. “| swear it was an accident.”

18. “YOU DID WHAT?!”

19. “If you die, I’m gonna kill you.”

20. “It’s hard to get used to.. «what is?” “Being someone that someone cares for..”

21. “The first time you smiled it felt like the universe aligned.”

22. “It hurts…” “What?” «Loving someone who doesn’t love you..

23. “Let me do this, please.”

24. you’re not as funny as you think you are

28. I’m just getting comfy

29. just because you can doesn’t mean you should

33. you are such a nerd

34. why are you so cold?

35. stop laughing at me

37. you’re ticklish

38. can we go home yet?

39. you are a terrible influence

40. one of us is clearly smarter than the other

41. you need some sleep

42. how have you survived this long by yourself?

43. are you just quoting song lyrics?

44. sleep is for the weak

45. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

46. “What? I have never-”

47. “I do not have an answer for you.

48. "In my defense, I really wanted to.”

49. “At least I didn’t break any laws.”

50. “What did you do this time?”

51. “How do we get out?

52. "I don’t hate you.”

53. “Don’t call me that.”

54. “Just marry me already.”

55. “Did I stutter?”

56. “Did I just say that out loud?’

57. "H-How long have you been standing there?”

58. “I’ve never felt this way before and I’m terrified to be honest.?

59. "Is that what you call an apology?”

60. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

61. “There is no way this much stupid can fit inside one person.”

62. “I’m never leaving…/ promise.”

63. “Uh, am I interrupting?”

64. “ like you, like like you like you”

65. “Stop being a fucking prick.

66. "Do you want me to stay?”

67. “You’re my everything.”

68. “I love seeing you smile.”

69. “i’ve been thinking about you all day.?

70. ” i can’t get enough of you.

71. « like being close to you. you’re warm.“

72. I’ m not wearing any underwear. thought you’d like to know.”

73. “this is a one time thing.”

74. “you know where to find me.”

75. “you’re really good at that.

76. "don’t be shy now, sit on my face.”

77. “YOU SENT ME PICTURES OF YOU NAKED WHILE I WAS IN A WORK MEETING!”

78. “If I ask you to kiss me in front of all these people, will you do it?”

79. “Don’t go on that date.” “Why?” «You know why.“ "Say it.”

80. “i think i might be in some kind of love with you?

81. "say you want me, and i’m yours.” “you need a place to stay for the night”

82. “i want to taste you”

83. “ love it when you talk dirty

84. "if you interrupt me one more time- so help me god’

85. "if we weren’t in public right now i’d have my head between your legs”

86. “ don’t know what to do” “then let me teach you”

87. “this feels dirty” “that’s because it is”

88. “don’t cover you’re face, i want to see you"

89. “are you sure about this?”

90. “ive never wanted to fuck someone as badly as i want to fuck you rn”.

91. “do you want help with that?”

92. “im going to fuck you until you forget that assholes name"

93. “bend over the desk love"

94. “is that a drawing of me?”

95. “i didn’t mean to say that but yeah, i love you.“

96. "you weren’t supposed to hear that!”

97. “this isn’t adrenaline, i want to spend my life with You “

98. "do you think of me when you touch yourself?”

99. “I’m not going anywhere”

100. “fuck you. - "when?”

101. “no one’s ever made me feel like this.”

102. here, let me help you.“

103. "we’re quite literally fugitives of the state.” -“so no pizza?

104. "you’re insane.” - “people keep telling me that.”

105. “you’re pretty.” - “you’re drunk.”

106. “i’ll keep you safe.”

107. “i’ll spend a thousand lifetimes coming back to you.”

108. didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much.“

109. "Touch yourself for me.?

110. "Shut up and take your pants off.

111. "Wanna see what I’m wearing underneath all this?”

112. “Do you know how beautiful you are? It’s truly distracting.”

113. “How are you this perfect?

114. "I’ve waited so long for this!”

115. “Would you just shut up and kiss me already?”

116. “Tell me what you want.”

117. “Could he make you feel as good as i do?”

118. “Are you trying to turn me on or are you really just that oblivious?”

119. “Just let me finish this/this level and I swear ill go down on you until you cum at least three times.

120. "I haven’t even touched you and you’re already this wet.”

121. “Were you just masturbating?” “U-uh.no, I was just.” “Want some help?”

122. “I really want to kiss you right now.” “Then do it.”

123. “I don’t care what you do just fuck me.”

124. “Stop distracting me.”

125. “I saw you last night..you looked beautiful.”

126. “God, you have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”

127. “I don’t wanna hurt you, baby”

128. “You think that I’m watching you? Don’t flatter yourself…”

129. “This world doesn’t deserve an angel like you.”

130. “I think they might be a problem. Don’t worry, love, I’ll take care of them for you.”

131. “I'Il do whatever it takes if it means we’ll be together forever, my sweet.”

132. “You will do what I ask.”

133. “If you just do what you’re fucking told then we wouldn’t have a problem, would we?”

134. “Where’s that smile I’m looking for, sugar?”

135. “So…do you want your underwear back?”

136. “Sweetheart, I have to mark you. How else is everyone gonna know you’re mine?”

137. “You’ve been so good lately, my pet. Don’t make me have to punish you.

138. "I fucking need you more than I need to breath.”

139. “If you leave me, I’ll die!”

140. “I know you liked them, sweetie, but they were keeping you away from me.”

141. “You’re mine, do you understand? You belong to me”

142. "Cry for me, baby.”

143. “I know it hurts, honey, but that’s what happens when you don’t do what I say.?

144. "I just want to show you how much I love you..

145. "Don’t worry, my love, I’ll protect you.”

146. “The next time they touch what’s mine, I’ll cut their fucking arm off.”

147. “You’re so cute when you’re struggling.”

148. “If you don’t take your clothes off, I’ll take them off for you.

149. "Just give into me, love.”

150. “I’ll lock you up and throw away the fucking key if you ever even think about doing anything like that again, do you hear me?”

151. “I wish you would just let me have you..

152. "I just want us to be happy. I had to kill them.”

153. “‘I do whatever the fuck I want to you, got it?”

154. “Is it so hard to love me?”

155. “I hate it when they look at you…so fucking much..”

156. “You know you’re mine, don’t you?”

157. “Do you really think you can get away from me?”

158. “You know you’re mine, don’t you?”

159. “Do you really think you can get away from me?”

160. “l know everything about you, darling, and you’re so perfect.“

161. "I’m madly in love with you.?

162. "You’re all I ever think about.”

163. “If you don’t kiss me, I’ll slit your fucking throat.”

164. “You’re such a pretty little thing tied up like that, baby.”

165. “Tell me how much you love me.”

166. “I’ll carve my name into your back if that’s what I have to do to let you know you’re mine.”

167. “Why’re you crying? Aren’t you happy to be with me?

168. "I'Il kiss away the pain, doll.”

169. “I’m sorry, honey, but you made me jealous. They had to die.”

170. “Do you think I like hurting you? Because I fucking love it.’

171. "You don’t even know how lucky you are. I protect you and provide for you. Don’t act so ungrateful.

172. "It’s okay to love me. Please love me.”

173. “I could fucking kill you right now, you know that?”

174. “Don’t test me, darling.”

175. “You think I’m jealous? Trust me, buttercup, you haven’t even seen jealousy.”

176. “I want to tell you I love you until my throat bleeds.”

177. “I imagined my life without you and it was better. I was happier”

178. “I knew you were capable of this, but I never thought vou were

179. capable of doing this to me.

180. "It was never me. It was always them/her/him.”

181. “I don’t love you anymore, goodbye”

182. “Stick a knife in my chest, it would hurt less.”

183. “Don’t say that. That’s not what I want.”

184. “You’re not who I thought you were.”

185. “Leaving you will hurt, but staying with you is more painful.”

186. “People change.”

187. “I look at you and I don’t feel anything anymore.”

188. “I can’t carry on like this.”

189. “Just because you’re angry, it doesn’t give you the right to be cruel.”

190. “I can’t trust you anymore.”

191. “You left like I was never a reason to stav”

192. “You have to forgive me” “I can’t”

193. “If I could go back in time and change loving you, I would”

194. “You’ve ruined my life.”

195. “I know you’re trying, but it’s just not enough.”

196. “You’ll forget about me, just like I’ll forget about you.”

197. “You’re a fucking idiot!” “Yeah, I know.”

198. “You’ve hurt me for the last time.”

199. “’m tired of fighting.”

200. a pretty little house-pet who just follows you around all day and cries when you have to leave

201. “JUST LOVE ME! LOVE ME IN THE WAY I LOVE YOU OBSESS OVER ME! CALL ME PERFECT! LOVE ME ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!”

202. “You look really good in my clothes”

203. “This reminded me of you”

204. “Your hands are warm”

205. “I just want to relax in your arms”

206. “Let’s go home” “I’m already home”

207. “Make a wish!”

208. “I could just stare at you forever” “Creep”

209. “I’m so lucky to know you”

210. “You’re the most beautiful being on the earth”

211. “Hold me”

212. “You smell amazing”

213. “I wish you could see the way I see you”

214. “What are you doing?” “I was trying to make pancakes but it didn’t exactly work”

216. "This isn’t just a(n) [object], it’s a promise”

217. “Sing to me again”

218. “Come back to bed”

219. “You’re the only person I want to spend my life with”

220. .. sorry, I talked too much" «No no no not at all. Keep talking"

221. “Oh my god you never told me you could cook”

222. “Our kids are gonna be *mwah*!”

223. “Come on. I’ll show you how to dance”

224. “I can’t believe I never heard you sing before”

225. “I know you had a bad day, so I made you cookies”

226. “Let’s go and look at the stars”

227. “Is that… is that a dog?”

228. “I’m gonna need someone to kiss at midnight”

229. “I can’t stop thinking about you”

230. “Get on my shoulders, you’ll see better”

231. “Is be a great parent, I’m just saying”

232. *Fogs up mirror and writes a message*

233. “I never thought I could miss someone this much”

234. “Not to be drastic, but I would jump off of a cliff for you”

235. “You’re breathtaking”

236. “You’re my new pillow”

[luminari-mc]

My Human, My Sunshine - Part 1

Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort.

Pairing: GN!MC x Mammon

Word count: 5194

Summary: Mammon finds himself lost in the human world. Meanwhile, MC can't get ahold of Solomon, their phone dead silent.

Warnings: N/A

A/N: My first writing piece for Obey Me! It's kind of a long one so I recommend you grab a snack or two during it. While this part is occupied by a good amount of text messages between Mammon and someone else, I'm already thinking of writing a part 2 which will have way more dialogue. In the meantime, please enjoy this little scenario I came up with after listening to a song that set me in an angsty mood. :)

______________________________________________________

Wet. Cold. Exhausted. And completely lost.

Mammon felt all of those, and yet, his legs kept on marching into the dead of night, his jacket covering his head despite being too drenched to protect him from the rain anymore. Each time a droplet of water came rolling on his cheek, his wrist would come to brush it off, and Mammon would let out an annoyed groan. If only there were any shops open, but the city was definitely asleep. He was thankful for the crashing sound of the rain on the ground around him, along with the smell of the wet asphalt keeping himself awake, otherwise, he surely would have gone crazy by now. The demon had even lost count of how many hours he had been wandering through the streets, how many mailboxes he had checked, how few passersby he had come across, only to receive negative answers to his questions.

And so Mammon kept on walking, not sure where to go next. But he felt sure of one thing: he wouldn't stop moving until he had found what he was looking for. Be there rain, or no rain. Lost or not.

"Tch, the human world's weather really sucks..."

As he walked on the pavement, his brow furrowed from the lack of new clues as to where his destination was supposed to be. His eyes caught sight of a bakery he had already walked by earlier during the day, its gentle light piercing the darkness that had been accompanying him for far too long now. Mammon's brow furrowed slightly at the sight- he knew he had gone in circles time and time again, but seeing it confirmed once more rubbed him the wrong way. Despite that, he decided to walk towards it, and took shelter under the entrance's porch. Surely the owners wouldn't mind him checking his phone for a few minutes, right? Right.

Pinching between his fingers the precious D.D.D. he had tucked under his shirt to protect it from the rain, Mammon looked at the map again. His stomach dropped for the upteenth time upon seeing the address still showing in his search bar, the letters and numbers taunting him. A knot formed in his throat as he tried his best not to scream at his screen.

"It wasn't there, you idiot..."

His mouth formed into an angry pout. Mammon looked into the list of potential addresses he had made throughout the day, and all had been crossed out. He felt his jaw clench- not only was he left with no addresses, no other clues, no humans to help him, but also that stupid rain surely would keep on falling for the rest of the night.

He was truly cursed.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do now?!" Mammon groaned, his free hand reaching upward to grab at his hair in frustration.

Yes... that was a good question. What was he supposed to do? It wasn't like he could ask help from any of his brothers, or from the angels. It had already been a miracle a witch he knew accepted to snuck him into the human world without anyone knowing, but there was no way he'd get any more help from her without offering his own life in exchange. And contacting Solomon was absolutely out of the question, for his own obvious reasons that he still was suspicious of the guy.

For the longest time in a while, Mammon felt alone. More alone than he had ever been before. He had promised himself to go on this search on his own, stupidly thinking that it'd be over by the end of the day, and look where that got him. Lost in the human world, on the verge of catching some nasty human virus from all this rain that had poured on him, and without anyone by his side.

The grip on his phone tightened, the hand holding it shaking slightly as the anger was starting to consume the demon. Even Mammon's patience had its limits, and he was starting to reach it.

"Dammit, where the hell are ya-"

A pathetic yelp escaped his mouth as he looked in fear at his phone, which had buzzed for a very short second in his palm. Wait, was it a notification? But from who? He had taken all the necessary precautions before leaving, so who was still able to reach his number?

His mind ran through all possibilities as he quickly checked his screen, the name of the sender making him open his eyes wide.

Leviathan: Mammon!!

Leviathan: Where are you???

Leviathan: You promised me you'd play this new game with me after coming home from RAD, don't tell me you forgot?? It's been HOURS.

Leviathan: Also the others say they can't reach your DDD and Lucifer is seriously pissed!

Leviathan: And I know you didn't break your DDD, that wouldn't explain why I can send texts now and the others still can't. Even though mine didn't work before.

Leviathan: But do you know how much time and effort it took me to find a way to bypass a blocked number?? Well guess what, the same amount of hours since you broke your promise!

Leviathan: You're reading this, right? Then send something! Anything!

Mammon backed even more into the porch of the shop, his eyes stuck to the screen of his phone. All of the blood rushing to his head suddenly made him forget he was cold in the first place. Of course Levi would be the first to find a way to contact him.

The demon's chest rose as he breathed in heavily, his hands slowly wrapping around the phone. It took him a hot minute to get ahold of his trembling fingers so as to not make any typos, his mind debating whether responding was a good idea or not, even as he hit the send button.

Mammon: Sorry Levi, gonna have to postpone the gaming session.

Mammon: I got business elsewhere and I'm not sure when I'll come back home, if ever.

Leviathan: Ew stop sounding so gloomy, you're almost starting to sound like me and tbh it would be kinda creepy.

Leviathan: That still doesn't tell me where you are! I know it's like a common thing for you to get into shady stuff on a regular basis but even Lucifer seems concerned, and weirdly enough he's not even trying to hide it???

Leviathan: He's been pacing back and forth in the common room for 20 minutes and won't let go of his phone it's starting to creep me out.

Leviathan: Hey huh, if you really were in big trouble you'd let us know, right? Like, even by typing a secret message to let us know that you got kidnapped or whatever?

Leviathan: Nevermind, I really don't see why you'd even get kidnapped, so it HAS to be that you chose to disappear by yourself.

Leviathan: But anyway! It's been 2 months now since everyone's been acting weird and I've seen and heard you enough to CLEARLY see that you're getting worse but finding trouble with witches or whatever won't help you feel better. And yes I know you've been faking being fine the entire time!! Don't think you can fool me!!

Leviathan: Believe me and the hundreds of figurines I bought!! I thought they'd help and it's somehow doing nothing, I feel like the worst fraud of an otaku EVER!!! How can I call myself an otaku when I can't even find joy anymore in the things that make an otaku what he is??

Leviathan: It's like I'm losing my identity! Wait no screw that, it's not just me, we've all been losing it!!

The three dots of a message being typed disappeared and reappeared, and Mammon couldn't do anything but watch the messages of his brother pop up one after another on his screen. A sense of guilt surfaced inside of him, and it only made him frown. It's not as if he hadn't thought about asking Levi for help, before getting himself into this mess... but for both of their sakes, he had decided that it had to be him coming here, and only him.

But suddenly, just as he expected his brother to send another message, the three dots disappeared, and didn't come back right away. Mammon's focus on his phone increased at the unexplained absence of new texts from Levi, and he waited, expecting him to continue the chain of messages he had started. But nothing followed.

It wasn't in Levi's habits to suddenly stop texting in the middle of a flood of texts. The demon gripped his phone tighter, worry beginning to grow within his mind. Was it because they were in different worlds that their phones couldn't reach properly? Or worse- had Lucifer found him out?

His heart almost skipped a beat as the three dots reappeared under his eyes, before letting another message pop up.

Leviathan: wait

Leviathan: waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait

Leviathan: OMG NO WAY

Leviathan: MAMMON TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING

Mammon: I literally haven't said anything?

Leviathan: YOU PERFECTLY KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

Leviathan: DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE IN THE HUMAN WORLD RN??

Shit.

How did he even find out?! Well... he could only assume that it wouldn't take a genius to figure out where Mammon could have gone if not anywhere in the Devildom, but still, why did Levi have to type it out? His plan was supposed to be flawless after all.

Mammon: Sorry bro, I can't say where I am.

Mammon: I know Lucifer's bound to check all of your DDDs sooner or later and that's only gonna help him find me.

Mammon: And like I said, I have something to do, so I can't come back.

Leviathan: Wait! I'll delete all of our messages, and I'll even destroy my DDD if it means you tell me why you're there

Leviathan: Actually no don't even answer, there can only be one reason you took that kind of risk

Leviathan: Is it... because of MC?

Upon reading their name again, Mammon felt his stomach sink. The eyes of the Avatar of Greed closed almost instantly as if to avoid reading it, the damp air whistling through his teeth as he breathed in deeply. Of course Levi would figure that out too. Any of his brothers could have.

The demon leaned his head against the wall behind him, his eyes opening and staring into nothing as he contemplated telling Levi about his plan. It wasn't as if he had any backup plans considering the situation he was in, after all. And Levi had the advantage of being at home, and having access to technology and magic that could improve his search further. But the thought of Lucifer figuring everything out still haunted him, making the hair on his skin stand straight.

And yet... At this point, he had nothing else to lose.

Mammon: Ya gotta promise not to tell anyone about this.

Leviathan: Who do you take me for? I'm not a snitch!

Leviathan: Especially if it's about MC.

Leviathan: But huh... what about Lucifer? You know that if when he finds out you went to the human world, he's going to kill you.

Mammon: Fuck Lucifer.

Mammon: I'm tired of hearin' him say he's "taking care of it". He clearly knows something but won't tell any of us and I'm tired of not getting any news from MC since they left the Devildom 2 months ago.

Mammon: And what's with his excuse about them not havin' their DDD anymore to contact us? I call that a load of bullshit.

Mammon: Something weird happened and Lucifer's too stuck-up to let us know what it is.

Mammon: So I'm done waiting around to see when they'll come back, or IF they'll even come back. So I'm going to get them myself.

Mammon: Problem is, I went to MC's place, and they weren't there. Their neighbor told me that they moved out a while ago with, get this, "a guy with white hair".

Leviathan: ??????? Solomon?????

Mammon: I'd bet my Demonio and all the things I possess that it's him.

Mammon: Not only Lucifer's in on this secret thing about MC, but Solomon too. I've already booked him an appointment with my fists if he did anythin' to them.

Mammon: Hell, even Diavolo and Barbatos seem to be in it too, which sucks even bigger time.

Mammon: So that means it's just us 6 who don't know shit. I wasn't about to play nice and dumb for Lucifer any longer.

Leviathan: Mammon

Leviathan: I never thought I'd ever write something like that to YOU

Leviathan: but

Leviathan: you sound super cool rn!! That just makes me wish I could have gone too!!

Leviathan: Pleasepleaseplease let me help!!! I'm also worried about MC and I miss having them here. The atmosphere at the house has sucked ever since we realized we couldn't text or call them anymore and I huh... kinda miss seeing them around the others too.

For a split second, Mammon considered taking a screenshot of Levi's last message to sell it as "the proof that the Avatar of Envy can control his jealousy!", but now wasn't the time for that. He had Levi's approval for helping him find the whereabouts of MC, and that's all he needed at the moment. He hadn't even noticed his lips turning into a small grin upon reading his brother offering his support.

Mammon: Alright Levi listen.

Mammon: All I'm tryin' right now is to find where MC might be.

Mammon: I don't think they left the place I'm at, but I ain't about to search at every damn house there is here. Would take too much time anyway.

Mammon: So can ya use your shut-in powers and figure somethin' out? Like I don't know, catch their human phone's signal or whatever through hacking?

Leviathan: Lol? I'll let you know it's not because I spend my entire days in my room that I know how to find a human phone!

Leviathan: I know how to hack yeah, but I don't know how to hack human technology! Not that I maybe tried once or twice and it resulted in failure each time.

Leviathan: But huh... I could try?

Leviathan: Let me ask Satan if we could use magic too.

Mammon: Satan? Levi, are you stupid? Last thing we want is to get more people to know about what I'm doing.

Leviathan: Oh huh yeaaaah, about that.

Leviathan: I should have told you sooner, but when I stopped answering earlier it's because Satan caught me texting you.

Leviathan: But he actually knew you had left to the human world! So we don't have to worry! He's on our side... obviously.

Mammon: Then the two of you get on it.

Mammon: And don't catch Lucifer's attention.

Leviathan: Yeah!

Leviathan: I'll let you know when we've found something.

Leviathan: BRB!

And then just like earlier, Levi's texts stopped appearing on his screen. A sigh left Mammon's lips as he closed his eyes, and the demon allowed his body to slide against the wall behind him until he was sitting on the ground. As he stretched out his sore body, the second-born finally realized that after two whole months of not getting to hear MC's voice, seeing their smile, getting to touch them... he had gotten closer to finding them, all thanks to his brothers. He had let Lucifer's intimidation get the best of him throughout all this time, but not anymore. No matter whether his older brother would catch wind of where he was, and what he was doing, Mammon would never stop trying to bring back MC where they belonged. With him, in the Devildom, back with the family they had found and grown to love.

Closing the messaging app with his thumb, the picture of MC he had set as his D.D.D. background seemed to radiate like the sun. How dared them all try to separate his human from their first man? From the one who'd they come to whenever they had a nightmare and couldn't fall asleep? The demon who'd hug them as tight as possible in their bed after a long day at RAD? The one who'd had the chance to fall asleep with them, getting the absolute honor of seeing their face so close to his, and who'd protect their dreams from any bad thoughts and scary nightmares?

The anxiety that Mammon had worn on his face all day slowly disappeared, and a small smile was placed upon it instead as his eyes met MC's in the picture.

"I'm almost there. Ya just gotta be patient a little more."

I'll find ya.

Time went on as Mammon waited for any news of Levi and Satan's research. The rain showed no sign of clearing soon, and the demon was starting to doze off after spending his entire day without taking a single break. He could have almost fallen asleep if it hadn't been for the owner of the bakery opening the door to close his shop and asking him to sit somewhere else. So Mammon moved from one spot to another, and took shelter near another store instead.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting on the stone steps he had sat on, his phone's screen flashed a bright light as a new notification from Levi appeared from the top. Quickly passing his wrist on his tired eyes, Mammon tapped on the new message at the speed of light. The contents made him gasp, and for a second, he had almost forgotten how to breathe, as his now wide-open eyes were glued on the content of the message.

A full-on address, along with a picture of the place.

Mammon instantly stood up at the sight of the picture, the memories of his day resurfacing in a flash. He remembered very clearly seeing this particular building sometime during his search- its height had been making it stand out very easily amongst the other buildings in the city. Nobody couldn't mistake it with anything else.

Mammon: This is it?

Leviathan: Yeah, we placed down a map and confirmed it was there.

Leviathan: Satan actually found a book in his room with a spell that can help find a person's specific item with just some of their DNA.

Leviathan: So we went to MC's room and found some hair that Satan used for the spell, along with his phone so it could narrow down the list of MC's items.

Leviathan: I didn't think Satan's room could look even more of a mess, but he spent 10 minutes shoveling through his collection and now you can't even see the floor or his bed anymore lol

Leviathan: Anyway now that you got what you wanted, go and check if MC is there!

Mammon felt his legs move on their own as he flipped his jacket above his head and stepped under the rain again, a confident grin now brightly adorning his face as he typed on his phone to reply.

Mammon: Thanks Levi. I'll owe ya one.

Leviathan: Find MC and bring them back. Then you can consider us even.

Mammon nodded, a newfound hope filling his entire body and mind. After confirming that Levi had ceased texting him, the demon turned the phone off. He opened his hand to drop it on the wet floor, and let his right foot crash down upon it, the object almost breaking in half. Mammon promptly gathered in his hand the shattered item, now completely unusable, and threw it down a nearby sewer before letting his excitement take the best of him and sprint further in the direction of the building from the picture. At least, now Lucifer wouldn't be able to track him down with it if Levi and Satan got caught.

The more distance he covered, the more Mammon could swear he was about to take on his demon form at any moment. The thoughts of MC began to fill his head even more, as if they were the one pushing him to find them, to get to them as soon as possible. For the first time in 2 months, Mammon felt truly alive.

"Almost there. The Great Mammon's coming for ya, MC!!" he let out in the form of an encouragement to himself, his legs having found their energy again as his form was engulfed further into the city.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Anxiously pacing around the room, their head low and their phone in their hands, MC was growing more and more impatient. They were supposed to receive an update from Solomon about three hours earlier in the form of a phone call, but no matter the amount of messages they'd spent in the hopes of the wizard finally answering them, all they received was a dreadful silence. Grabbing a nearby chair, they let their body fall onto the seat as their fingers typed yet another message. They couldn't really understand how they had come to grow so persistent when it came to getting Solomon to reply to them, but having no other person to talk to ever since they left the Devildom 2 months prior would do that to anyone, they assumed.

'Solomon, sorry, I know I'm sending a lot of texts, but you said you'd visit today and I'm starting to be worried and... honestly a bit lonely. I thought going out today would help, but I just sat in the park for an hour before going back home and not doing much of the day.'

'You were supposed to meet with other wizards today, right? I hope nothing bad happened. But in case you're alright, all I'm asking is just one reply to at least get some sort of human connection. Not that I had a lot of it in the past few months.'

They felt their throat tighten upon writing their last sentence, feeling the frustration spilling out of their own words right back into their face. But who could blame them?

2 months without seeing, hearing, or even texting their friends back in the Devildom. 2 months without receiving a single visit from Luke or Simeon. 2 months spent exclusively with the company of Solomon, who had been acting strange ever since and had made them move out of their home under the excuse that it was to "train them at magic in a more private setting". But more importantly... those had been 2 months without having Mammon around, and MC would lie if they said they hadn't spent several nights crying themself to sleep, wondering how the demon was dealing with their absence.

The memories of their latest departure from the Devildom played in their head like a movie as they placed a hand on their forehead. Everything had seemed alright at the time, with them getting to say their usual goodbyes to the brothers, wishing to see them again once the new year at RAD would start, foolishly thinking that they'd get to spend their time hearing their voices on a daily basis once they were back in the human world. And before they could understand, their DDD had been taken from them, Solomon had been more present in their life than ever before, and for a reason they still couldn't grasp, it was as if the brothers had vanished from their life completely. No news whatsoever. Complete radio silence.

Just thinking back to this period, and how they could have probably caught that something was up as soon as Diavolo asked for their DDD after the brothers had left... it just made them want to puke.

But nothing could make them want to do so as much as the long-awaited reply of Solomon appearing on their screen.

'Hi MC. I'm deeply sorry I couldn't get ahold of you throughout the day. I won't be able to visit you today, since my services are still required here. Besides, it's getting late. I recommend you go have a good night's sleep as soon as possible.'

'If everything goes smoothly, I should be able to come back tomorrow. Then, we'll be able to go walk wherever you want. How does that sound?'

'I need to be going, but I shall wish you a good night. Take care, MC.'

And just as quickly as he had answered, Solomon went silent again. Leaving them in this apartment they had grown to hate, this prison cell he had put them in. A place where no fun could be found for them. MC didn't even bother sending anything else after that.

Their head sunk even lower, until their forehead slowly met with the hard surface of the dinner table. The phone faceplanted onto the wood as MC's hands turned into hard fists, a deep groan shaking the walls of their throat. It was hard not to let the tears escape their eyes, but instead, they opted to punch the table several times as hard as they could, until they felt their anger diminish.

How long was Solomon going to act ignorant towards them? How long was he going to ignore their pleas to get news from the Devildom, anything that would let them know why they couldn't contact the brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos? Even if the lords had been in some sort of trouble... they'd still find time to talk to their human, right? There was no way Mammon, the one they loved, wouldn't try to reach them one way or another... right?

Him who had been so clingy in such an adorable way every time they'd be at the House of Lamentation, he who had revealed to them that there wasn't a single day where his thoughts wouldn't drift to them no matter how hard he tried...

No. No amount of important duties would explain why Mammon of all demons, would ignore them like that.

They missed his antics. His entire being. The warmth he'd bring them each time he'd hold their hand before tucking his face into their neck like a pouting child, desperately trying to sneak one or two kisses in there, in the hopes he'd get to hear that sweet giggle of them. It wasn't for nothing that Lucifer had come to name them the chaotic duo of the House of Lamentation. They were two parts of a whole.

And yet, the world had dared to separate them. And MC was tired, oh so tired of not having their other half near them. The only feeling they had left, was one of pure desperation to see their greedy demon.

"I'm not asking for much... even a single word would do." MC replied to no one as they turned their head to rest their cheek onto the table. They closed their eyes, the anger slowly being replaced by a profound exhaustion. Could they really do nothing but act normal around Solomon, and accept that this was now their new life? No demons, no angels, just... humans around them?

Before they could slap the thought away, a loud banging coming from the entrance door made them straighten in their seat, their head turning towards the hallway in a panic. Their heart pounded inside their chest as the banging seemed to go on forever, until they used the back of their chair to push themself up, their legs shaking.

"S...Solomon?" They asked, way too silently for anyone to hear, and fully knowing that the person behind the door couldn't be the wizard.

As if they were waiting for an answer, MC stood there, their hand grasped onto the chair. The banging was insistent, demanding, angry. At this time of night, there were few reasons they could think why someone would mistreat their door in such a way, and MC wasn't sure they wanted to find the reason for it.

That is, until the person behind the door finally let their voice be heard.

"Oi, MC! Ya can hear me right?! Come on, open the door!"

It didn't take long for MC to let the familiar voice enter their ears, and it took less time for them to nearly stumble over the chair as their legs moved in a hurry to lead them towards the door as quickly as possible. Their hands messily trying to open the locks on the door, they were sure their mind had just played a trick on them, and the person outside was going to leave them completely disappointed, but they didn't care. This voice they could only remember so well despite the time since they had last heard it, was simply inviting them to open the door, to check for themselves whether it was true, or just a nasty joke played by their brain.

But as the last lock was undone, and the door was swung open, MC couldn't do anything but just stand there, their mouth agape.

Mammon kept on drawing breaths, his wet hair stuck to his forehead and drops of rain falling from his clothes onto the floor below, so much so that it had started to create a small puddle underneath him. As if the person who opened the door wasn't the one he expected, the demon took a step back, letting his eyes wander up and down on the human he had in front of him, almost in an attempt to check if it was really them. He too, couldn't stop his mouth from hanging open at the sight.

The two of them just stood there for a few seconds, taken by so many emotions at once that they weren't sure what to do. But right as Mammon took a step forward, his mouth opening some more to let out words that he so desperately had wanted to say for so long now, MC's face contorted into one of pure sadness before they rushed towards him. Mammon greedily welcomed them into his arms as they jumped and wrapped their arms around his shoulders, and their legs around his waist. They buried their face into his neck, the warmth of their tears mixing with the rain on his skin.

His embrace only tightened even more as they mumbled his name amidst broken sobs, the sound ever so close to his ear that even though he had his eyes firmly closed, he might have cried on the spot too. But he had found them. He had them in his arms again. After what had seemed like a million years, finally, they were back where they belonged, and he was back with his human.

Almost as if they were about to be pulled away from him, Mammon placed a hand on the back of their head, wanting to protect their entire being from harm no matter the cost. He still wasn't sure why it had taken so long for him to reunite with them despite the obstacles, but at the present moment, nothing else could matter.

The lord had finally found them, and he wasn't about to let anyone interfer between their happiness once more.

"I ain't letting you go." He whispered through gritted teeth, his head lowering into their shoulder. "Ever again."

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

“𝕄𝕆ℕ𝕀𝕊𝔸” 𝕄𝕒𝕞𝕞𝕠𝕟 𝕩 𝔸𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕒 // ᴮᵉˢᵗ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈˢ ᵗᵒ ᴸᵒᵛᵉʳˢ, ᴾᴵᴺᴵᴺᴳ, ᴼⁿᵉ⁻ˢⁱᵈᵉᵈ ⁽ᵘⁿᵗⁱˡ ⁱᵗ’ˢ ⁿᵒᵗ⁻⁻ᵇᵘᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵗⁱᵐᵉ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵈⁱʳᵉᶜᵗⁱᵒⁿ!⁾, ᴳᵒᵒᶠʸ ᶜᵒᵘᵖˡᵉ, ᴸᵒᵛᵉˢⁱᶜᵏ!ᴹᵃᵐᵐᵒⁿ, ᴼᵛᵉʳᵖʳᵒᵗᵉᶜᵗⁱᵛᵉ!ᴹᵃᵐᵐᵒⁿ

“𝘋𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶...”

(this is part of a selfship series! If you wanna see the beginning of the “story”, click here!)

After Dabi goes MIA, Arisa’s pretty torn up about it. She nurses that stupid phone until May, when bestie Akina finally has enough. Once again, she’s in need of a distraction, but this time it’s her friend that suggests a solution: a party in Hell! She’s been living in a place called the Devildom—literally Hell. Her and a few of the other demon students were planning on going clubbing, and she’s sure Risa would get along great with them. After much insistence, she caves. I mean, if Dabi doesn’t care, why should she, right?

It’s late into a very wild night when one of Kina’s demon friends finally shows up...and, with a smug grin, she proceeds to answer every question he has about Arisa...

Another addition to my moodboard series!!! Say bye-bye Dabi and hello Obey Me Boys! First up is the Demon of Greed himself, Mammon!

Playlist and story summary under the cut!

spotify link

1. Caraphernelia - Moaning over Dabi lmao

2. Tonight - Akina: BITCH FUCK YOUR BF GO OUT AND PARTY WITH ME IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!!

3. Number One Spot - Enter Mammon

4. Hot Mess - WE HIT IT OFF AND HE IS SMITTEN WITH MY DYSFUNCTIONAL DRUNK ASS

5. New Friend Request - Kina + Mammon (especially Mammon—man is already smitten) are trying to get me to join the program. I’m hesitant because HOW am I gonna be away for a year what if something happens to Dabi and I miss it???? What if the husbands need me?????

6. Interlude: Moving On - y’know what. Fuck this. I’m going.

7. Grow Up - Moving into the Devildom!

8. Vegas Lights - Welcome to RAD (honestly I see this as like...an anime opening)

9. Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Mammon quietly vibrating that I actually came and plotting out hair-brained schemes to get my attention

10. That’s What I Like - Hanging out with Mammon!!!!! Also not noticing/ignoring that he seems to like me cause I am too heartbroken for that rn and also Oblivious. And also he’s not very good at this he gets too nervous/tsundere or gets interrupted by the others lmao

11. Degenerates * * * - Hanging out with the other brothers!!!!!!! Honestly another anime opening lol. Lots of time passing throughout this, with just kina and me vibing in the Devildom. Putting a star here cause this is where the other romances would probably kick off!

12. You Make Me Feel - PARTY TIME!!!!!!!! Having a fucking great time with Mammon, of course

13. Black Butterflies and Deja Vu: Me@Mammon: I diagnose you with Simp

14. I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You: BETWEEN THE HUSBANDS AND HIS BROTHERS, HOW'S A MAN SUPPOSED TO GET ANY ATTENTION AROUND HERE???????? Doesn't help when oblivious Beel is like, "Mammon, you spend the most time with her, what does she like? What should I get her?" NOTHING, SHE'S MINE! FUCK OFF!

15. MakeDamnSure - I now diagnose you as Simp with strong symptoms of Pining

16. Jump Out the Window - Okay I was gonna write a short scene for this but basically Mammon getting really frustrated at me STILL nursing that human world phone of mine even after this long. That guy CLEARLY doesn't know or deserves to know what he's missing. "Don't mean to sit you down and turn this into therapy, but you gave too much time to that boy's charity"

17. ALSO HE'S RIGHT HERE

18. Death of a Strawberry - Wait, y'know what....He is right there. And quite charming. And sweet. And yeah he's a scrub, but like...with a Heart of Gold. Slowly, softly catching feelings. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??????

19. Since You Been Gone - FUCK DABI. SYMBOLICALLY THROWING THIS PHONE AWAY. Not literally cause it's my phone lmao BUT IT'S GOING IN THE CORNER AND I'M NOT LOOKING AT IT AND I'M FULLY PRESENT WITH THE PEOPLE AROUND ME WHO ACTUALLY WANT ME AROUND FROM NOW ON!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU DIE, YOU DIE IDC IDC

20. Animal - HERE WE GO AGAIN, I THINK I WANNA BE MORE THAN FRIEEEEEENDS.

21. Domino - Hanging with Mammon more. Going out with him on Dates That Aren't Dates But No You Cannot Bring Anyone Else. Doing that thing like I'm in a fucking romance movie where I stare at him with googly eyes when he isn't looking. Uh-oh. Now I gotta diagnose myself with Simp.

22. C'mon - FLIRTING HELLA. C'mon man, I know you like me, stop being all shy and shit!!!!!!!

23. Have Faith In Me - We've reached peak Simp for both of us

24. Summertime Magic - I made an hc awhile ago where I like to chill with him while he works on his car. Maybe this ends up with him driving us somewhere and we're chilling somewhere with fast food. Finally grows a pair and asks me to go to a concert with him for our first Official Real Date

25. Fell In Love With A Girl - CONCERT TIME

26. Feels Good - Continued concert time. But it's me like, having a Moment. Feeling like I can breathe again. Feeling free and just completely feeling the music. He's watching me the whole time like I'm made out of fucking gold. Of course I notice.

"What?" I say with a laugh. 

It's dark for me to see the line of red along his nose. His tongue darts out just a bit to wet his lips. "Just really wanna kiss ya right now." 

"O-Oh..." Cue goofy smile. "Okay. Go for it."

I don't really remember the rest of the concert lmao

27. You - CONFESSION TIME. REALLY SWEET ROMANTIC SLEEPOVER AT MAMMO'S ROOM

28. Holly, Won't You Turn Me On? - Yeah okay I thought he was all over me before????????????? THE GREED IS IN FULL BLOOM NOW. I feel like I barely leave his room lmao

29. Gold Trans Am - AND I LOVE IT BUT HE'S TOO FUCKIN NICE SOMETIMES SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND GET OVER HERE GODDAMN

30. Your Guardian Angel - All that tsundere shit stops when it's just us cuddled up together. Is never gonna let anything hurt me again, he promises. I go from a boy that never tells me he loves me to one that literally doesn't stop

31. I'm Like A Lawyer - LOVE VIBES

Mammon is so sweet and protective. Down here, there’s nothing that’ll hurt MC again. Not while he’s around!

...Right?

[lovesaadiqa]

BBL Costs, Prep + Recovery

Im booked!!  I talked to a few friends who I know either got this surgery or is getting this done.  I wanted one since forever but I wanted my teeth done first.  The deciding factor came down to my birthday plans.  

Originally I was going to do a birthday tour.  First weekend of October in Miami for carnival, 2nd weekend in Atl for Freak Nik, 3rd weekend in Bahamas and finally Nola for the finale.  Well Nola was just hit with a storm so yeah that’s out. Once I totaled up the flights, hotels, food and spending money.. I was like hmm, I can get a fat ass and started this process.  Immediately looked into surgeon and Dr. Pena was my favorite, his bodies come out so mf snatched, he’s located in Columbia.  Columbian surgeons can take out way more fat than American doctors however, the fatality rate is stupid and ultimately the factor that made me choose an American doctor.  

The next step was choosing the surgeon for the body I have and the one I want.  I weigh 151 and im 5′6″ I’m considered a “skinny bbl”.  I started researching doctors in Atlanta (so I could recover at home) and Miami (like duh).  I chose to go with Dr. Desouza in Miami with CG Cosmetics for a few reasons.  First, I love the look of his skinny bbl’s on other women with the same body type, weight and height as me.  Secondly, he was having a special for the end of the year (lipo 360, bbl, jplasma for $6500 for the surgeon I wanted) this almost sold me but it was the surgery date!!  Jplasma is skin tightening procedure to help with loose skin, you can only get this with lipo.  When they perform lipo they created canals under your skin to remove the fat.. well those same canals are essential when getting Jplasma.

Ok so I decided on the surgeon, contacted the cosmetic group and had a consultation which is pretty much just front, side and back view pictures.. I think they use this to make sure you don’t need a tummy tuck prior to surgery.  They also asked me questions about previous surgeries and if i’ve ever had anesthesia.  The next step went pretty quickly, we talked about what would be lipo’d (abs, waist, back.. I wanted inner thighs, an additional 2k, but was advised to wait on my pre-op to decide), when I wanted to book and how I'd pay.  My consult was on August 30th.. I bitched up when she attempted to take my payment.  I am a money hoarder and spending that much money made me feel like I was being financially irresponsible.  I called one of my Aunt’s who I felt wouldn’t judge me and also give me sound advise.  We talked about my fears, why I was getting the procedure and of course money.  My Aunt gave me excellent advice, reassured me and is a professional CNA who offered to accompany me so yeah I dare not turn that down, lol.  August 31, 2021, I called my coordinator (the contact between me and my surgeon) and told her I wanted to book, she asked me when I’d be ready and I requested first available which was 9/20/21!! Excited is an understatement.. I'd be 24 days post op on my birthday.  After I calmed down I paid in full for multiple reasons:  had to in order to secure the date, all surgeries book in this year had to be paid in full, it was the only way to get the discount.. My coordinator gave me so much information I couldn’t see straight (I was also high as shit off life thinking about a fat ass and me in the same sentence).. she emailed + texted everything, congratulated me and we hung up.

I get the emails:  “raise you hemoglobin with these vitamins” I purchased vitamin C $2, folic acid $2, iron $3 and floradix $35 - amazon, I take them as directed on the bottle and start eating my ass off (just to give my surgeon more to work with, lol).  Talking to one of my gf’s I realize I have to be cleared for surgery?!?!  What?  I open my email and sure enough I have to have blood work done 15-20 prior to surgery, it was 9/3 and a Friday.. SHIT!! I fly over to an Piedmont Wellstreet urgent care facility as recommended by my friend (she started this process as well so I was crazy grateful for her experience and that she shared it with me).  Urgent care was full but opened the next day, my ass was in that line at 7:32 am, I was the 13th person in line and they opened at 8.  I get to the desk and my appointment is at 10:30 and I'd have to pay the office visit fee to be seen, it was $155.  I came back at my allotted time and was told how much all of my labs would be.. $302.  My labs were to be processed and faxed to my surgeon by 9/9 because Labor Day weekend so.. yeah.  

I discuss accommodations with my Aunt and realize it’s cheaper, safer and more beneficial for me to go to a recovery house.  I search high and low baby and most of them were booked.. found one regardless with lymphatic massages included called Flawless Recovery House.  This wasn’t my 1st-6th option but the one with availability on my surgery date so I paid a deposit to hold onto my spot.  Total was $1312 for 5 days with 5 massages, I paid a $200 deposit.  Next, I booked my flight, round trip $116 with Delta.  My surgery date is on a Monday, I have to have my pre-op done on the Saturday prior so I booked a hostel from the 18th-20th on booking.com for $66.  I know I could have gotten an airbnb or hotel room but I wanted this experience.  I want to go to Amsterdam and stay in a hostel so I need to know what to expect.  Also I cannot party, smoke, drink or eat before surgery so fuck it.. a hostel will do, lol. 

I smoke big fucking weed and watched someone else’s bbl journey today and realize if I fail the drug test, my surgery will be cancelled and it’ll cost me $1500 to reschedule.  Boy the shit sent me into panic mode like I've never experienced before, only to find out the weed isn’t the issue nicotine is, it slows down your heart rate.  I can smoke weed just not out of a wood or a rillo and nicotine takes 3-4 days to get out of your system so a bitch barely made it.  I just won't be smoking until I get back home lol.  Just to be super informative no alcohol, diabetic meds, cocaine, pcp or anything that will fool with your heart or makes your bleed.  Today is 9/11 and im one week out from my pre-op... my body is a joke cause I haven’t gained a single pound and normally it’s nothing for me to put on weight.  I took my acrylics off, when you’re put to sleep they monitor your oxygen levels with those clamps they put on your fingers and they aren't the most accurate when you have on dark polish or acrylics.  I also cannot wear lashes cause when they go to fill this ass in I'll be laying flat on my face.  I mean my hair didn’t have requirements but I figure since im naked I might as well be bald.. y'all should see me rn, I look very much like a young man but im hype.  I’ll be back later to tell y'all what I pack and purchase prior to my flight.  Imma put the dates at the end of each update.. today is 9/11/21

My surgery group send me list of supplies  that I would need and the cost came to roughly $1100.  Naive me was definitely going to purchase everything on the list from them until I saw Leslie’s (@prettyhaute - on ig) bbl vlog.  I went on amazon and got away with murder.  Below I’ll list what I purchased and the price I paid versus what the surgery center was quoting me.

Faja - I paid $74.69 - Quoted $160.50 || BBL Pillow - $26.99 - Qouted $42.80 || Arnica pills - $8.95 - Quoted $37.45 || Compression socks - $13.99 for 3 - Quoted $10.70 for 1 || Foams - $17.99 for 3 - Quoted $64.20 for 3 || Scar Cream  $$29.82 - Quoted $80.25 || Arnica Gel - $7.92 - Quoted $21.40 || 

There a shit ton of items on the suggested list that I didn't purchase but way more items that wasn’t on the list I still need for instance:

Crocs, benadryll, robe, adult diapers, straws, earplugs, liquid iv, stool softener, antiseptic body wash, avocado float, back board, urinal, pineapple juice, throat calm, 3 moo-moo’s and a massage roller (the crocs are the only thing on this list that cost more than $20).  My flight is at 7:15a tomorrow and im so damn nervous but excited.  I will spend Saturday and Sunday gallivanting around Miami and then body , ody, ody, ody, ody, ody.  I still have to send my entire itinerary to my aunt but I think im all set.  9/17/21

Pre-op was packed but I went on Saturday and was in and out in an hour.  I was charged for a covid $80, 3 post-op massages $150 and a drug test $20.  I went over my clearance paper work with a medical assistant who also took 9 before pics of me.  Keep in mind, your surgery can be cancelled or reschedule if all of you labs aren’t at the surgery center on pre-op day.  I cannot stress how important it is to take your labs with you!!!  Mine were faxed over from urgent care but I was also provided copies which I took with me.  The photos were sent directly to my surgeon to analyze before surgery.  From my knowledge, I was also to be fitted for my faja but that never happened, do NOT leave pre-op without a faja!!! I paid for 3 massages from CG totaling $150 which I regret badly.  I do NOT recommend getting massages from the surgery center.  There are 4-5 different surgeons performing surgeries on any given day and they do at minimum 4 surgeries per day, that’s at least 15-20 different girls with the same surgery and post-op date.  CG had 2 massage therapists to drain 15-20 girls.  I was drained for 9 mins, your drain massages should last at least 45 mins for maximum drainage.  I only used 1 of the 3 massages I paid for and was denied a refund.  That is a huge downside to CG once they have your money good fucking luck getting it back! Ps. Ellie was a royal fucking cunt!!!!!  She told my medical assistant that I didn’t need a faja so I was never fitted for one and woke up out of surgery with a binder on versus a faja like I should have.  I wanted to slap the shit out of her and took the charge on the chin but I wanted my surgery so I refrained.. I was put on a 12 hour fast and contacted an hour after pre-op with my surgery address and time.  My fast started at 7pm the day before surgery and my surgery time wa at 6:30a, there was a $300 for showing up to surgery late.  All I could bring to surgery was compression socks and a faja (that I didn’t have), I was instructed to bathe with dial (the orange one) before surgery to make sure my incisions weren’t infected, no lotion, perfume, deodorant, makeup, nails, lashes, no jewelry/piercing or hair products and no personals ie, purse money, wallet also you will need a companion or surgery will be cancelled.  I’ll upload all my paperwork at the end.   Surgery day arrive at the surgery center at 6:15 am how about the entire fucking staff was late!  Bitch I was outside in Miami alone with compression socks on and a moo moo, LIVID.  No one arrived until 7:10 am, baby I wanted to kill everyone but fuck it, it was go time.  I’m escorted to a room, changed into a paper gown, piss tested, my labs were reviewed again and finally my surgeon comes in!  We were in the exam room alone which was weird cause I was asshole naked but he kept it 1000% professional, he asked me what I wanted and I say “the fattest ass” he looked me dead in my eyes without a single hesitation and said “it’ll heal like a diaper”  LMAO.  I showed him areas that I wanted lipo’d to death and he marked me up, I didn’t aka e picture of my mark ups but shit was rolling by then, he walked out I put my paper gown back on and the anesthesiologist walked in.  I expressed my biggest concerns to him, I didn’t want to die and I didn’t want to wake up during surgery.  He explain why the drug test was so important because certain street drugs will have adverse effect with the anesthesia.  My anesthesiologist walked me up to the surgery room and I hopped on the table, they put massage boots on both of my feet and inserted an iv, the mask was put on my face and my heart rate went to heaven, I wanted to shit myself bro.  The anesthesiologist told me to make a tight fist, I asked what time it was, 8:08am.. I woke up to a nurse helping me into a wheelchair with a binder around my waist and I was scream crying because my entire body ached, I didn't know where I was and the anesthesia is no hoe.  I was escorted to my recovery house’s transportation van and taken to my damn bed.  

I chose Flawlesss Recovery House with Ms. Opal.  I paid a $200 deposit before 2 weeks before surgery and the balance the day I left.  I opted for a 5 day stay.  I loved it there bro and couldn’t imagine trying to recover at a hotel or air bnb!  There were nurses there 24-7, I was roomed with one other girl but the house had a total of 4 bedrooms, one of which no one occupied and the door was always shut but my room was the only room with 2 beds, the others had 3 beds.  I had a call button, it was love, the nurses came expeditiously when I rang it.  They made 3 home cooked meals per day and I don’t eat meat, they accommodated me with no hesitation.  I loved it man.  So couple hours after surgery I attempted to use the bathroom on my own and blacked out, the anesthesia is really fucking strong and took an entire day to wear off (for me), the nurses helped me pee in a cup until then.  Post op day 9/21/21, I went in to make sure I looked good, got a faja finally and received that lousy as drain.  Back to the recovery house I was able to walk finally w/o passing out and in went my foams, I also could pee by myself with the use of a urinal.  I was constipated for 2 days, first bowel movement was on post op day 2. I paid for an independent massage therapist named Tatiana, she used a ultrasound machine to massage me so I cancelled her.  When I took my faja off for my massage it was washed and dried by the time I was done, I took a shower and put my faja on with my foams.  I cancelled Tatiana because don’t let nobody use no machine on you until you are at least 2 weeks post op, hand massages only.  All the girls were getting massaged by the literal best massage therapist (in my opinion) her name is Brittany, I could cry she was EVERYTHING, I was tender but she put the painful massage theory to bed!  She taught me how to drain myself and how to open my incisions without the q-tip looking thing.  In 45 mins she drained 5 of those doggy pad things worth of fluid off of me.  I received 4 massages in 5 days.  I left on Saturday 9/25/2021 on Sunday, back in Atlanta, I received my 5th massage and that when I was told I have not one but 2 seromas.  I swear on everything I love it was because everyone wakes up from surgery with a faja on but not me (Fuck you Ellie, lil bitch) I had on a binder (its what they use for tummy tucks).  The lady who did my 1st massage in Atlanta was Bri, not gone post her ig cause she did a damn good massage but when I asked her to syringe drain me the good sis stuck this long ass needle in my seroma but could get the fluid out, cancelled her too (the massage was good asf tho but nah).  Tired and tried I bit the bullet and booked a packed with Dream Body ($455 for 5 massage, I think, don’t quote me look it up on there site and follow them on ig)  because they are the biggest name in Atlanta, Jayda Wayda goes to them.  The  most painful massage yet, yes Michelle lil ass is so strong but she will get the fluid up off you.  She made me tear up bad and no matter how much I screamed or even tried to push her off of me she understood the assignment, Michelle helped me get back into my faja after my massage and told me my faja was too big and to have it altered.  She recommended a lady on ig @siri2sir but to know me is to know I altered my shit myself.  Allow me to tell y'all, I look good asf!!!!!!! 10/4/2021 

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 27+28.11.20 lbs

27.11.20

lmao i was gonna get suuuuuuper mad at kabir for being in her room but then he’s like:

“hi.”

....................... and i instantly snorted happily. vishal is realllllllllly just so likable that i just can’t with him anymore. i love when adorable marshmallows like him and shrenu play evil. you just cannot fucking hate them!

blah blah humaara kamra, mera kamra nonsense.

shaadi ka joda gift. with that tackyyyyyyyyyyyyassss KABIR KI RIDDHIMA written on it. main marr jaooon par kabhi bhi aisa kuch na pehnoon, no matter how much i love the guy.

“kuch hi derr mein tum VANSH ki riddhima se, KABIR ki riddhima ho jaogi.” coz even in 2020, women are nothing but chattel to be passed on from one man to another.

riddhima is thinking fat chance, bitch.

telling him she’ll never wear red for him, coz “laal pyaar ka rang hota hai, aur main sirf ek insaan se pyaar karti hoon, aur woh hai vansh.”

“toh yeh bhi vansh ke paise se hi liya hai.” lmaooooooooo

ghani beizzati by saying she’s already bought a joda for herself, a white one. which honestly looks muchhhhhhhhhh nicer than the red one acc. to me but ok.

vansh checking his account balance and seeing that there’s charges for two wholeass designer jodas bought for a shaadi that’s not even gonna happen:

anyway kabir’s like ok who cares, colour doesn’t matter, shaadi toh tumhari honi hai mujhse blah blah.

kabir doesn’t like mandap setup. coz all white. and apparently aryan was in charge of it? coz he’s getting dragged by the collar for it.

good. i don’t feel any sympathy.

ishani is like dekh liya nateeeja iss loserrrrrrrr ki khushaamad karne ka? when has vansh ever treated you like this no matter how mad he’s gotten at you? he always protected you.

behen kyun bhains ke aage been bajaa rahi ho? yeh manhoos baaz nahi aana.

ishani flounced away and aryan’s now vowing revenge against kabir. abbe yaar, tera list toh kabhi khata hi nahi hota.

why the fuck are these ppl soooooooooo dressed up for a wedding they don’t even want to participate in? itna toh main apni genuine shaadi ke liye naa sajjjjjjoon.

suddenly ishani is allllll about bado ka sammaaan and parampara, pratishthaaaaa, anushaasan and all. lmao ok?????

tod di choodi uski kalaayi par. jaisa bhai, waisiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii hi behen.

shaadi mubarak indeed. lol.

riddhima’s calling vihaan and freakingout ki woh paise leke bhaag gaya. you are so fucking stupid sis, why would you give him that much fucking money BEFORE HE EVEN SHOWED THE FUCK UP??????????

“tum thodi weird nahi ho????” bhai obvious sawaal naa pooch.

anyway he’s like calm yo tits, untwist your panties, i’ll get there on time.

kabir instead of fixing his maatam waala mandap is back skulking around vihaan’s container box house. ladki ko shaadi karni bhi nahi hai and she’s sitting there ready from 3 hours before, aur yeh, jissko shaadi ki utaavli chadhi thi, is out doing randomassssss jasoosi, coz that’s the priority rn. sounds legit. 

VIHAAN THE DUMBASS TOOK OFF THE CCTV CAMERA AND PACKED IT. GOD YOU’RE ALLLLLLLLLLL FUCKING AQAL KE DUSHMAN IN THIS SHOW.

kabir sneaking in with gunnnnnnn.

how the fuck am i supposed to take him seriously with these bachchon waale sports shoes?!!?!?!? GIVE THE MAN HIS COMBAT BOOTS BACK SO HELP ME GODDDDDD

he’s peeking in the door and making some threatening statements about oh ho yeh hai tumhara plan, main sab khatammmmm kar doonga and all, but we never see wtf he’s looking at and this show is fulllllllllllll of red herrings, so........ idc.

riddhima putting on previous mangalsutra for this wedding and..... guts toh hai bandi main. badiii dheent hai.

mummy coming and saying blah blah usse utaar do this is your new mangalsutra and lmaoooooooooooooo

this is the tackiest fucking shit i’ve ever seen in my life. what’s with their obsession of putting their name on everything!?!!!?!!? what are you, an eight grader?!?!!?!?

anyway, bored with this ainvayi ki dhamki waala scene, fwding.

blah blah 2 ghante mein kaunsa chamatkaar hona hai and all......... WHY ARE YOU PPL SO DAMN OVERCONFIDENT????

meanwhile kabir is back and now harassing dadi. KISI KO TOH AKELA CHOD DE.  

actually, lmao, i’d love to see him go try this shit on ishani and angre. it would be fucking glooooooooooorious lololololol.

anyway, he wants dadi’s aashirwaad in the form of vansh’s saafa (pagdi/turban). ABBE YAAAAAAAAAAR. USKE UNDERWEAR DRAWER SE JAAKE USKI CHADDI BHI LEKE PEHEN. ITNAAAAAAAAA WANNABE VILLAIN MAINE AAJ TAK NAHI DEKHA. HADHHHHHHH HAI.

chikni chupdi baatein ki i’m just trying to be the son vansh was to this house. if i wear his saafa, it’s like uski aashirwaad aur duaein meri saath hongi.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PICTURE VANSH’S FACE IS LITERALLY LIKE

anyway dadi is like really really fucking hurt by this and my god i wanna fucking murder kabir.

she’s literally telling him to pick anything else, it’s vansh’s nishaani and he’s like aap sab ke paas koi na koi nishaani hai, mere paas apne bhai ki koiiiiiiiii nishaani nahi hai blah blah and oh my god, this is truly the most villainous thing kabir has done, being thisssssss fucking emotionally manipulative. the absolute fuckkkkkkkk.

ugh anyway long story short. baandh diya dadi ne ukso saafa. bloody nonsense.

poor dadi phoot phoot ki ro rahi hai ki she’s losing vansh bit by bit. awwwww man it’s genuinely heartbreaking.

riddhima has witnessed this and is about to fuckkkkkk shit up lolll. 

lmaoooooooooooo dayum.

wtf is your problem, i’m marrying you, why are you torturing the fam like this blah blah. kabir like physical, emotional, moral sabbbbbbbbbbb tarah se tod ke rakh doonga inn sabko and ugh god i just really fucking hate him.

but damn he just looks really good in this sherwani and hair all mussed up.

anyway he’s doing some real messed-up, genocidal dictator kinda talk and phew. is just askinggggggggg to be murdered.

and then lmao he abruptly switched to “bohut khoobsurat lag rahi ho tum; time kya ho raha hai???? ooooooh ek ghanta baaki hai.” and i legittttttt lol’d at the way he delivered it. I HATE VISHAL FOR NOT LETTING ME HATE KABIR IN PEACEEEEEEEEE.

riddhima panic-calling vihaan, wants to go check on him. mummy ne pakad liya, room mein badh kar diya coz K told her to handle riddhima’s bhagodi dulhan ways.

great. riddhima’s having a breakdown.

motivational call from the choti sarrdaarni. she kinda just looks like a tall baby shivangi joshi had with aditi dev sharma????

le, doosre show waale heroine ko bhi pata hai kabir kameena hai, iss show mein 3 episode pehle pata chala issko.

ok is the choti sarrdaarni delusional and having a make-believe phone call with the protagonist of her favt tv show IMMJ, coz she knows waaaaay more details than even the people in this house know about the plot and what went down. she’s talking about how vansh aakhri pal tak ladta raha and riddhima’s like huh, news to me, i just got there in time to see him spout some ghatiya shayari and then throw himself off a cliff.

anyway riddhima seems to have gotten strength from this deranged phone call, so............. good for her, i guess.

———————————————————————

28.11.20

next ep just abruptly started with kabir and mummy in riddhima’s room threatening her and i just.......... dude, whatever. i’m just gonna skim through this ep coz i know it’s just filler shit till literally the last 1 minute. 

OK HE’S MANHANDLING HER AGAIN AND FUCKKKKKKKKKKK

dang helly looked evennnnnnnn younger in the first eps. legit baby face. at least now they’ve aged her up a lil with the makeup and styling.

he’s saying don’t bother waiting, no one is gonna come. OH BOY. VIHAAN ARE YOU OK????? ARE YOU OK??????? ARE YOU OK VIHAAN?!?!?!?!?

cue riddhima’s panic attack.

lmao kabir telling mummy ki iss shaadi mein ab koi speedbreaker nahi hai lol. heavy foreshadowing that ab se everything that can go wrong is definitely gonna go wrong.

suddenly at the speed of light kabir is back at the container home in his sherwani and saafa and holding vihaan at gunpoint????

oh. sapna tha riddhima ka. ouff. this stupid show has tooooo fucking many dream sequences.

someone give this bitch a klonopin coz watching her is making my anxiety shoot up.

mummy comes into room 2 min later and sees riddhima sleeping ghoongattttt and all. SURE. NOT SUS AT ALL THAT A BRIDE DYING OF ANXIETY WOULD TAKE A NAP 30 MIN BEFORE THE CEREMONY IN FULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OUTFIT. TOTALLY A THING THAT HAPPENS.

DUDE SHE PULLED A NURSE WAALI HARKAT AGAIN. LMAOOOOOOOOO. KISKO SULAAAAAKE AAYI HAI TU, AAFAT?!?!?!!?

askdjasldkjlsakdjlaskjdlaskjdlaskjdlkas. ALSO THE FACT THAT MUMMY RECOGNIZED HER FROM HER PRESS ON NAILS. LMAOOOOOOOOOO I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS SHOW.

LMAO RIDDHIMA YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

lol mummy has to call and give bad news to kabir. and i am sad we didn’t get to see his volcanic reaction, which no doubt would have been epicccccccccccc.

10 MINUTES TO THE CEREMONY. VR MANSION IS 20 MIN AWAY FROM THE CONTAINER HOUSE (AS STATED BY V BEFORE) AND THIS SIS IS...........

RE DEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

she finally got in and the whole place is empty. he practically lives in a storage unit, you telling me he went and moved his stuff to a whole different storage unit?????

new freakout within the pre-existing panic attack: kabir ne vihaan ko saaf kar diya ya vihaan paise leke bhaag gaya??

cut to fb: riddhima asking V all earnestly ki tum dhoka toh nahi doge na????

HIS ASS ACTUALLY SAID, LEMME TELL YOU A FACT ABOUT ME: I LOVE MY MOM. I SWEAR ON HER I WON’T BETRAY YOU. 

AND SHE STILL DIDN’T GET THAT HE’S VANSH. MY GODDDDDDDD.

she’s like nope vihaan gave mummy promise so he won’t give dhoka. ah yes, the most sacred and inviolable of promises.

toh bacha alternative ki kabir has vihaan. 4th simultaneous panic attack in a panic attack. someone sedate this bitch.

aaaaaaaaaand kabir has sent a video of a bomb in VR mansion below the mandap. great.

and now he’s calling to say ki get your ass back home or imma scramble these eggheads called the raisinghanias.

lmao the bomb is counting forwards instead of backwards????

mummy saying MY BETA SMAAAAAARTEST. haan, tha..... kisi zamaane mein. ab nihaayati bewakoof ho gaya hai.

lmao kabir accosted a passing by angre and is like you need to be loyal to me as you were to vansh and lol angre’s like saaf saaf shabdon mein, fuckkkkkkk off.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KABIR WENT TO HURL THE NAARIYAL AT ANGRE’S RETREATING HEAD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MAN HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO HATE HIM HE’S SO FUCKING HILARIOUS

lmao he goes to phodofy naariyal and:

abhi bappa ko huullllllllll de raha hai. overconfidence ki hadh toh dekho.

riddhima is back and hunting for the bomb and kabir comes bouncing the fake bomb around and she’s legit like TUMNE MUJHSE JHOOOOOT BOLA?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!? lol bitch, seriously???? because he’s been the paragon of truth and virtue up until this moment??????

“apna hulia sudhaar ke aao. 5 min mein mrs. kabir banne waali ho. thoda standard toh match karo.” lmaooooo the sasss and disdaaaaaain he said that withhhhhh. boy knows he’s looking damn good today.

anyway blah blah shaadi has started. dadi is sad af. to the point where ishani is looking really concerned. i really love this soft ishani.

“kaash samay ka paiyya ulta ghoom jaaye aur mera vansh wapis aa jaaye mere paas.”

dadi, shoulda asked for world peace instead. just the one wish you had and you wasted it on getting your hellion pota back. 

some more in-room threatening of riddhima by mummy. while riddhima is throwing out last minute prayers to bappa and vihaan ki bas just do something and stop this whole shitshow.

vihaan ka toh pata nahi, the shady fuck, but bappa like:

i gotchu girl.

bhaari bhaari flashback waali walk down the stairs.

HE EVEN SAID THE MAA LINE AS VIHAAN IN THE VANSH VOICE. SHE GOTTA BE SOOOOO FUCKING STUPID MY GODDDDDDD.

ouffffff so much time wasteeeeeeeeeee.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand....................

watch that he was wearing while falling off the cliff? ✅✅✅

wedding ring that was not found on the dead body????? ✅✅✅

“YEH SHAADI NAHI HO SAKTI” booooooooming across the whole damn neighbourhood in the fakest deep voice everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr???? ✅✅✅

———————————————————————

precap:

haan yeh sab toh theek hai.............. 😕😕😕

par asli sexxxxxxxxx waali chemistry idhar hai!!!!!!!! UNFFFFFF. 🤩🤩🤩

[xerospaced]

So i was curious as to whether a meltdown could be catatonic

As I feel, on an emotional level, that I am having a meltdown but rather than the crying/rocking/moaning/stimming/hyperventilating and what have you

I'm stuck

Like i managed to sit up to plug my phone in coz an hour or so ago coz it hit 1%

But otherwise I've been locked in this position for about 4 hours.

So anyway, I google catatonic meltdown to see if it's a thing

Lo and behold!

Not only is it a thing

But I've been having catatonic episodes for weeks IF NOT MONTHS

The lack of initiation, agitation, limited movement, limited speech, slowness (and I mean wow fucking slowness!! Im moving so slow I am losing literal HOURS without realising it)...

Ykno what

Lemme just post a screencap of the list of presentations

And... it is presentations in autism - I was searching meltdowns so makes sense

What I'm saying is that I have [and have had in various combinations over the past weeks/months] ALL OF THESE FUCKING SYMPTOMS

Even down to the grimacing ayfkm

And the only reason I even noticed the grimacing was coz i realised it was happening a few weeks ago but couldn't seem to stop it and I thought it was fucking odd.

Aggression and difficulty initiating actions CHECK AND FUCKING CHECK- it's getting our of hand.

Hesitations. Repetitive movements! My back is FUCKED coz i can't maintain a suitable seated position for longer than im stuxk thinking about it.

I legit feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Like I'm not here.

Weirdly... scary to know this is it's own thing I'm experiencing. Daunting. But also - I've been dealing with this my whole life. No exaggeration. Sometimes I have months where I'm clear. But I would say I experience at least half of any one of these given symptoms at any given time.

That's....

Incredibly fucking upsetting if I'm honest.

I kept thinking that one day I would just figure it out.

I will be able to move when I want to. Eat when I should. Pull myself away from my interests when I wish. Not lost untold time getting stuck repeating the same motion with no end goal. Urinate when my bladder is full rather than the last second where my body is right about to override my fuggen brain! Work when I want to work!

But the aggression. These past days. I put it down to PMS - I'm sure it's played it's part. But last weeks. The consistent agitation. The inability to perform any necessary task. Falling behind on my work. The absolutely NOTHING mood. But agitation gnawing away consistently.

I feel like a powder keg.

I have no support.

I have no diagnosis [it's become impossible to believe that I'm wrong about my suspicions of ASD at this point].

I have no idea how to manage it.

And all the live long day it's "try this and try this and figure this out" and I just want to fucking scream because my brain is NOT WORKING!

What's the solution that fixes the line between I WANT to do something and me Actually doing it!?

I want to play sims but even something I actively enjoy I miss out on because I can not initiate action.

Yes, I find it easier to accomplish tasks when I am around people. BUT I AM ALONE 95% OF THE TIME. Soon to be something closer to 99.

SO.......!!??

And I feel guilty

I feel shitty

I'm underperforming!

I work quickly and to a high standard but I'm lagging because I can't start. Or I do start but I can't maintain course.

Im still stuck in the same twisted position as when I started typing this 20 mins ago and I'm sure it hurts but I cant even tell if it hurts anymore.

I can't remember what natural hunger feels like. I'm talking ravenous or nothing - mostly nothing.

And there's been so much going on lately.

And all I'm hearing is what I'm not doing.

What I need to improve.

Where I'm falling short.

Do more. Do More. DO MORE.

My moods are shifting too quick for me to log them. Not that it matters anyway coz I lack the ability to initiate that fucking task too.

There are so many things I want to do. And I know exactly how I want to be living. And I know (from the short few months in which I actually managed it) how good it feels to live the way I want.

But I can't make it happen.

I can't even decide if I should feed myself rn.

All this shit going on has not had me mentally stressed - at points, I'm not exactly big on stressing or worrying - but what has become undeniable is that it has fucked me on a functional basis.

I'm not steering the ship. And I don't know how to take control.

And I'm on a fucking 11 month waiting list for an autism assessment.

When I say life has been Hard.

The ADHD that was only diagnosed last year, the likely undiagnosed ASD, also diagnosed last year was the autoimmune connective tissue disease. Major depressive disorder. Multiple forms of anxiety. The misdiagnosed bpd. And then IF WE REALLY HAVE TO let's add on the self-harm, failed suicide attempt(s), ostracisation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, being literally left for dead, the plethora of hospitalizations as a child, childhood emotional neglect, abandonment, overlooked behavioural issues, teenage self-medicating, bullying, and fuggen MORE

I mean

Life

Is

Fuxking

HARD.

With a brain and a body that won't connect (and is also trying to destroy me for shits and giggles).

And I'm still wanting to keep going.

At this point... purely out of spite.

Because fuck this hand I've been dealt. But Fuck Me if I'm not a sharp son of a bitch! Ima play the fuck out of em.

Almost 27 years I've dragged myself through misery and I'm still in it.

I refuse to tap out now. I got no choice but to make it worth something. To make it matter. To make my existence mean more than a stupid fucking mistake the universe has been trying to erase.

I gotta be in this for Something.

This can't be all life has to give me.

Surely.

[twinklecheeks]

Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 8

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does.  You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.  

Warnings! Pregnancy, Mentions of sex.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6, Part 7,  

Word Count: 1.4k

Since last night, all y/n could think about Jeff telling her that he loved her! She doesn’t know whether it’s her actual feelings or her hormones making her crazy. She didn’t think that Jeff would try to step up and admit his wrong doings. Was she still in love w/ him? How is she gonna survive the weekend in Big Bear w/ him AND David??

Jeff: *texts y/n* Hey, I’ll be there in 20.

Y/n: Okay, see you soon :)

Y/n pov:

*talking to the mirror while doing makeup* Ugh fuck me. I hope I look cute. WAIT what the fuck am I saying? It’s only Jeff. But he’s the father of your kids. But you haven’t broken up with David yet. So you can’t think that way. Jeff probably thinks you look gross anyways. Last time he fucked you, you had a bangin ass body and now you’re a beached whale. Ugh the last time he fucked me… That was… Ugh, I’m getting horny just thinking about it… David is sweet and gentle but Jeff is something else. They way he would-  Why tf am I thinking about fucking Jeff before an appointment? I swear these hormones mess with me at the wrong times... Jesus take the wheel!

Jeff: Hey, I’m outside.

Y/n: I’ll be down in a sec.

Y/n: *looks in the mirror one last time* Please don’t be a dumb bitch today…

Car Ride

Y/n: Heyy, you nervous?

Jeff: A little. They’re not gonna poke you with needles and shit, right?

Y/n: No but if they see something wrong, they’re gonna have to.

Jeff: Oh I hope not..

Y/n: So how was your Thanksgiving?

Jeff: It was boring as usual. My mom asked me questions about my dating life.

Y/n: Really? And what did you say?

Jeff: That I was on a break… But Karyn knew something was up.

Y/n: Did she drag you to filth?

Jeff: Maybe…

Y/n: That’s why I loved Karyn. She’ll always tell you anything straight up.

Jeff: *Smiles* Good thing she did.

5 month Ultrasound appointment

Doctor: Well hello y/n, your belly sure has grown.

Y/n: Haha I definitely feel it growing.

Doctor: *sees Jeff* And your name is?

Jeff: Oh I’m Jeff, I’m the father.

Doctor: Well, I’m glad you were able to join y/n today. You excited to see the babies?

Jeff: For sure. Can you also do the 4D ultrasound?

Doctor: Since my next appointment isn’t for another 2.5 hours, I’ll be able to do it.

Y/n: *lifts up her shirt*

Doctor: *Put’s the jelly on y/n’s stomach* And those are your 2 little girls. Looks like one of them is a little shy today.

Jeff: Wow. It’s really them. Two girls. Two little princesses.

Y/n: *looks at Jeff in the eyes* Yeah. Two little princesses.

Doctor: *turns of the heart monitor*

Jeff: *speaking in his head* Two little princesses. Two strong heartbeats. Boy you were fucking stupid to ever have treated y/n the way you did. I’m gonna be a dad to two girls. Fuck, I swear if any boys hurt my baby girls, they’re gonna fucking regret hurting my kids. If one or both of them are into girls, then it’s y/n job to chase after them. I don’t care how my kids will turn out in life, I just know I will love them no matter what.

Y/n: *looks at Jeff* Are you okay?

Jeff: *has tears in his eyes* Huh what? *wipes his tears* Nah I’m good. Totally cool.

Doctor: And now I’m going to switch to the 4D, and those are your babies.

Jeff: They kinda look like aliens.

Doctor: All babies on 4D look like Aliens haha. Oop it looks like the shy twin is being a little troublemaker already. It looks like she’s giving us the middle finger.

Jeff: Yup she is for sure daddy’s little princess already.

Doctor: I’ll print all the pictures out and do you mind if we run some tests on both of you today? When it gets to the halfway mark, we like to run tests on both biological parents to see if there’s a chance of abnormalities with the child. We can see on both ultrasounds that everything looks fine but we’d just like to make sure.

Jeff: Yeah sure. How long would test results come back in?

Doctor: Since it’s getting close to Christmas and not many people are coming in at the moment. Might come back in 48-72 hours max, might be even faster.

Y/n: Okay that’s fine.

*After the appointment*

Y/n: Was it just me or were you crying at the appointment.

Jeff: Cryin? Haha you wish. It’s allergies. I think some dust went into my eye.

Y/n: Okay big tough guy.

Jeff: You hungry?

Y/n: That’s the dumbest question you can ever ask a pregnant girl. Of course I’m hungry!

Jeff: In n Out?

Y/n: You know me too well.

Jeff: You nervous about the test results?

Y/n: A little but no one that I know of in my family has a condition or anything.

Jeff: Yeah neither do mine. Karyn’s kids came out just fine.

Y/n: Hopefully the results come back after we get home from Big Bear cause we’re already leaving tomorrow.

Jeff: You were also gonna break up with David after…

Y/n: Ughhhh. Why does so much have to happen during the holidays?

Everybody meeting at David’s house the next day (12/14/19)

David: Okay so in my tesla, it’s me, y/n, Natalie, Jason, Zane, Jonah and Suzie. In Toddy’s, it’s him, Jeff, Matt. I know the rest of Jonah’s family is coming. Carly and Erin are driving up with Mariah & Heath. I feel like we’re missing people.

Jason: I think that’s everyone.. .I don’t know. This is a big group.

Natalie: Not to mention that there’s more people coming later.

Y/n: David, can I talk to you?

David: Yeah sure.  

Y/n: Sooo, Jeff apologized for everything the other day…

David: He did? When was this?

Y/n: About 2 days ago

David: So you’ve kept this from me for 2 days? I thought you would’ve told me sooner…

Y/n: Ummm I don’t know where all this attitude is coming from but I didn’t need to tell you. He is the father of my kids after all, not you.

David: Well thanks for reminding me… Maybe you can ride with him since he’s the father.

Y/n: If you’re going to keep acting like this because Jeff is actually doing something right for once, THIS is not going to work out between us.

David: If that’s how you feel, then so be it.

Y/n: Fine then. *turns to Carly* Hey, can I ride w/ you & Erin?

Carly: Of course.

*Everybody stands around awkwardly after seeing what happened*

Car ride to Big Bear

Carly: Wait, David actually got mad at you because Jeff apologized?

Y/n: Basically. He came at me with an attitude but didn’t think he was in the wrong when he said he still liked Madison during a lie detector test. But whatever, I’m pretty sure we were a fling anyways.

Erin: Yeah we lowkey thought that too.

Y/n: haha what.

Erin: Well, you know how excited he is about babies and how easily he gets baby fever. It looked like he was getting close to you because of it.

Y/n: That’s what I said to Jeff!

Carly: So do you think you and Jeff are gonna get together?

Y/n: I think it’s too early to tell. I still don’t completely trust him. Remember, he’s on a trial rn. Awww but he did cry at the ultrasound appointment the other day.

Carly: He can cry?

Erin: I thought the botox in his face prevented that

Y/n: GUYS STOP MAKING ME LAUGH OR I’M GONNA PEE.

Okay so I KNOW that this chapter was ehh BUT it’s because I wrote 3k words and I decided to split the chapter into 2 because I wrote A LOT. A warning for the next chapter, most of it is pure filth and I demand y’all get some holy water.

Comment if you want to be on the taglist!

Taglist: @elvlogsquad​ @siemprestan​ @zavidzobrik​ @galxydefender @iminlovewithenchilidadas​ @ilsolee @ranprivate @one-sweet-gubler @thoughtfullymysticalpoetry @sunwardsss @shamalamashams

[yikeswtfmate]

(6) New Messages from Dumbass No. 1

previous part // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part

Summary: Bucky just won’t answer and Y/N starts to freak out.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU will i ever admit defeat)

Warnings: swearing

A/N: I am back with more stupid dumbassery! Also I’m not saying I’m talking from experience, but I am talking from experience when I say I know exactly what Reader is going through. Having a gamer boyfriend is tough, especially when it comes to The Witcher or Diablo. My advice is just to act as if he’s a plant that needs to be watered constantly with food, but he won’t move unless it’s absolutely necessary

My Love (21:17) So steve's been bugging me to go running with him right

My Love (21: 17) I told him there's no way he can keep up with me

My Love (21:18) And Sam just started laughing super bitterly

My Love (21:18) Idk what that was about

My Love (21:18) But i agreed to meet him tmrw

My Love (21:18) And then sam started laughing like a seal

My Love (21:19) And told me he'll kiss you if i manage to beat steve

My Love (21:20) So now i gotta win no matter what bc i N E E D to see that

My Love (21:20) So you've been warned

My Love (21:21) Nat is coming tmrw as a judge

My Love (21:22) And we convinced Peggy to kiss Steve if he wins

My Love (21:22) And now i feel like he will most definitely win just bc the dum-dum still hasn't kissed her yet

My Love (21:23) Which she would totally be up for

My Love (21:23) So yeah, it was a fun night

My Love (21:23) Bummed you weren't feeling so great & couldn't come :(

My Love (21:24) I've been texting you for the last 10 mins

My Love (21:29) Are you going to reply today???

My Love (21:35) Do i need to send you nudes so you'll reply?

My Love (21:42) Ok i'm getting worried

My Love (21:46) BUCKY WHAT THE FUCK PICK UP YOUR PHONE

My Love (21:53) Ok that's it i'm coming over

*

Bucky's Y/N (21:47) Stevie, do you know where the fuck is Bucky? He's not picking up his phone

Stevie (21:49) He's not answering when I call him either. Do you want me to go over and see what's up with him? Maybe he's at the gym & his phone died, it's been known to happen

Bucky's Y/N (21:50) No, he said he wasn't feeling well & he'd stay in bed all night

Stevie (21:51) Wait a second

*

3 Clowns 1 Grump - group chat

Dumbass No. 3 (21:52) Y/N can't get ahold of Bucky

Dumbass No. 2 (21:53) MY CHRISTMAS WISH CAME TRUE

Dumbass No. 2 (21:54) BARNES IS FINALLY DEAD

Dumbass No. 3 (21:54) What did he say exactly when you last talked to him?

Dumbass No. 1 (21:54) Uh...

Dumbass No. 1 (21:55) Cuppycake (16:43) Sorry baby i'm not feeling too well i'll just stay in all night and maybe order some food don't worry abt me i might even fall asleep early so don't worry ok ok love you i’ll see you when i see you have fun

Dumbass No. 3 (21:55) Now that makes sense

Dumbass No. 2 (21:56) Yeah you won't be seeing him for a few days

Dumbass No. 1 (21:56) WHAT

Dumbass No. 1 (21:56) WHAT THE FUCK WHY

Dumbass No. 3 (21:57) He's playing the game Sam got him for christmas

Dumbass No. 1 (21:59) ...explain?

Dumbass No. 3 (22:00) Whenever Bucky gets a new game and he's really into it he just locks himself up in the house for a few days until he finishes it

Dumbass No. 1 (22:00) I'm sorry W H Y would you do that sam????

Dumbass No. 2 (22:01) Told you i wanted him dead for christmas

Dumbass No. 2 (22:01) Was hoping literally, but this works just as fine

Dumbass No. 1 (22:02) So you're saying im not gonna see him for a few days? He won't even pick up his phone?

Dumbass No. 3 (22:02) Just wait for him to go to the toilet

Dumbass No. 3 (22:02) Although sometimes he uses that time to eat just so he gets them both done at the same time

Dumbass No. 1 (22:03) I'm sorry what

Dumbass No. 2 (22:03) This is the best christmas present i ever got

*

2 days later:

3 Clowns 1 Grump - group chat

Bozo the Dickhead (16:36) That was ONE TIME Steve!

Bozo the Dickhead (16:36) I DON'T eat on the toilet

Bozo the Dickhead (16:36) Fuck you Sam

Dumbass No. 2 (16:41) Aw there goes my peace and quiet

Dumbass No. 3 (16:41) I'm not even going to ask if you ate or how dehydrated you are rn

Dumbass No. 3 (16:41) Did you talk to Y/N at least?

Bozo the Dickhead (16:43) Yeah she's here

Bozo the Dickhead (16:43) Came here after you two idiots freaked her out

Dumbass No. 2 (16:44) I’ve been sending her memes all day yesterday

Dumbass No. 2 (16:44) Why the hell hasn't she been replying?

Bozo the Dickhead (16:44) Wait a second

Bozo the Dickhead (16:46) (VOICE MESSAGE) I'M IN A FUCKING RIFT DON'T TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW BUCKY WHAT THE FUCK I NEED TO BEAT THIS BOSS FUCK OFF

Dumbass No. 3 (16:47) Oh god we've lost her too

Dumbass No. 2 (16:47) I take back my words

Dumbass No. 2 (16:48) THIS is the best christmas present

Bozo the Dickhead (16:49) (VOICE MESSAGE) FUCK YOU SAM

Bozo the Dickhead (16:49) God i love her so much

Dumbass No. 3 (16:50) I can’t wait until i become an uncle or an aunt ❤️

Bozo the Dickhead (16:50) 

Dumbass No. 2 (16:50) 

Bozo the Dickhead (16:51) wtf where do you have that photo from

Dumbass No. 2 (16:52) Y/N

Dumbass No. 2 (16:53) We’re communicating through pics of u exclusively

Bozo the Dickhead (16:53) What

Dumbass No. 3 (16:54)

Dumbass No. 3 (16:54) I thought we weren’t supposed to tell him

Bozo the Dickhead (16:55) WHAT THE FUCK

Dumbass No. 3 (16:55) 

Dumbass No. 3 (16:55) Y/N is gonna kill us

Dumbass No. 2 (16:56) 

Dumbass No. 2 (16:56) Bring it on

Bozo the Dickhead (16:57) HOW DID U GET THESE PHOTOS WHERSS DI D THEY COME FROEKM

Dumbass No. 1 (16:58) Why does Bucky have steam coming out of his ears

Dumbass No. 1 (16:59) Oh shit

Dumbass No. 1 (17:00)

***

Taglist:

@miss-nerd95​ | @myboyfriendgiriboy​ | @imma-new-soul

[theycallmegothboy]

1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  -spotify  2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess  3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers  14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size?  -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao   39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear?  -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)  -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao  49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car?  -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18.  54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job?  -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?  -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?  -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles?  -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?  -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods?  -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons?  -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce?  -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed?  -wouldnt you like to know? ;))  66. have you ever won a spelling bee?  -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw?  -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw?  -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?  -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you?  -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah  78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment  81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor?  -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos?  -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules.  84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier  85. what shirt are you wearing?  -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang  guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high?  -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk?  -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate?  -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter?  -fall. fuck you 96. day or night?  -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month?  -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of?  -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3