#it's a complex issue i guess and i dont have the answers

[orange-orchard-system]

hi i hope this isnt weird. saw a mut rb your 'creative folk having characters talk to them' post and now im like of like. Oh.

ive had some plural friends clock me as 'vaguely plural' / had people assume i'm a system so im like. im having a 'perhaps my experiences are in fact, not universal' moment.

ive just never felt like it fits the bill for plurality, because ive always had a pretty tight grip on 'me' being the pilot / dont have altars switch out/in to talk like i see so often. its complex definitely but i guess im asking if there's any good resources for someone like me :?

(you can answer this privately or publicly, i dont mind either way)

Hi! Not weird at all. I see this somewhat often when people come to me about questioning if they're plural, and I think it comes from a lack of information about just how varied plurality can be. So, let me go over what your situation reminds me of.

Firstly, yes, there are resources for what you're talking about – and communities, too. There are plenty of systems who rarely or never switch, and they're called specutien systems and/or systems with P-DID (Partial Dissociative Identity Disorder). These systems may not experience full switches – as in, a total loss of control followed by someone else having full control – but they may experience switches where someone else has partial control, or are otherwise "close enough" to be able to communicate/affect them in some way without taking any control. These are known as co-fronting and co-consciousness respectively, and it's specifically what "talking to your characters" reminds me of.

There's also, of course, the possibility that you are experiencing full switches and are just forgetting due to amnesia, but if you don't have noticeable memory issues (noticeable by yourself or others, I should note, since the fun part of forgetting is you forget that you forgot), this probably isn't something to be too concerned about. If it is and/or you want to cover all your bases, try keeping a regular journal and see if there's any large gaps you can't explain.

Honestly, I recommend the journal for general purpose, too. It's a very useful tool for communicating, especially if you can't or don't switch; you can write down what your alters say to keep track of conversations, making sure you don't forget or mix up what was said, and use it as a sort of "evidence book" to yourself, especially if you add in other little details that support the idea that you're plural (such as, in your case, others assuming you're plural, too). Even if you've talked to your alters before, learning to talk to them as alters can be a new challenge to get used to, so try what techniques catch your eye and don't be afraid to take your time figuring yourself/ves out.

Of course, there's always the possibility that you're not plural, in the end, but hey, you're looking to learn something, ain't ya? Whether you are or aren't plural, you'll learn more about that aspect of yourself, and probably learn more about systems along the way.

To recap: specutien, P-DID, co-fronting, co-consciousness. Those are the four things I recommend you most look into, but you may find other topics or terms that you think may also fit you, so don't be afraid to explore those. Just looking up those terms on Tumblr will get you some folks talking about their own experiences, but there's also Pluralpedia as a wiki for plural terms, and at least two, maybe three, of those terms have been mentioned in academic and clinical papers about plurality, if you want to read those.

Hope this helps! Good luck figuring out yourself/ves!

[mqfx]

unfortunately my most prominent jyl thoughts start with the soup. & im no expert on ancient chinese kitchens, but given that lotus root & pork soup is something that simmers for hours, i think that as much as the soup is an act of service & a tried and true "we dont have to talk about it" comfort tactic, its also... a great excuse to duck away from everything going on. the kitchen being the safe space, so to speak! and overall jyl seems more avoidant than confrontational? i havent read mdzs for the details in years can you tell but i think theres a good chance under the right circumstances she could have become jfm 2: shijie edition, in which she can read emotional cues fairly well and she doesn't want anyone to be unhappy, but how proactive she might be about resolving a situation is entirely based on how secure she feels. im not forgetting her valiant defence of wwx "i take insults against him seriously" moment! but theres a difference between an eroding stagnant unhappiness & a situation that is more clear cut. im just not confident about how she would raise jin ling in the whole (waves hand) jin situation if she had not been collateral damage. is this making sense 😭

this is all true but let me make clear that my problem with how the fandom conceptualizes jiang yanli is NOT the soup. I'm not mad about the soup and in fact since it's one of basically three things that we even know about her at all, it stands to reason that when we think about her we're Gonna Have To Mention the Soup.

and one can (if one cares enough about her, which I'm sure you do anon) draw reasonable conclusions about her character based on this thing that she does. after all, everything is (supposed to be) important in a given text. I don't disagree with anything you said. she is a careful, conflict-avoidant person due to her tumultuous childhood with abusive/neglectful parents; despite this, she possesses strong morals and protective instincts. I don't think she would've been bad at raising jin ling because unlike her parents, she and her husband actually loved each other and communicate instead of willfully misunderstanding each other then bottling it all up (if she had married someone she didn't love, then yeah she might've been jfm 2. either way we'll never know because guess fucking what mxtx did)

my ISSUE, which fandom can barely acknowledge let alone address, is that "soup" has become a convenient shorthand to refer to her, but it's not a quality. it's a thing that is associated with her, not her personality. this isn't fair! "avoidant" is a trait, "comforting" is a trait, "kind" is a trait, "average" is a trait, soup's not a fucking trait! and some of that is just the general fandom trend of flattening characters in fanon, but the fact that she's a woman and therefore not paid as much attention compared to the ~Complexities~ of the men doesn't help

and I get that sometimes it's not that serious, sometimes it's for Joaks, but why is it that even when joking people can come up with all sorts of qualities for the men but when it's her it's just that she cooks soup? and in more serious discussions, why is her sole purpose apparently to be emotional support or tragic motivation for her brothers? (because mxtx herself wrote her that way!)

why did mxtx not delve into her reactions or point of view (mdzs is the only one of her novels with switching pov, so she could have)? or even just written more scenes with her? (CQL notably gave the women more scenes. the book is abysmal on this regard.....and in others)

tl;dr mxtx did a shit job of developing her character and that of the other women, and fandom makes this problem worse by not giving a shit. the feedback loop continues. your ask and my answer combined are already more words and effort than mxtx spent on writing her

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

what is it about cruise ships that you find ugly? like are there any specific ones you hate or is it just all of them?

okay so ive been puzzling over to how to answer this for A While™ because:

theres so many ugly cruise ships i would love to roast, and theres a part of me that wants to make a sideblog about it a la @mcmansionhell but for cruise ships

i am autistic and this is my special interest and i also want to infodump about ship design conventions

theres also really pretty oceanliners like the ss france that got converted into cruise ships where the magical girl transformation sequence malfunctioned badly.

its not always just like the exterior thats badly designed, theres both Awful design inside the ship like the disney wish, and Awful business plans and conduct like the epirotiki lines

...but, thats a lot.

so instead, ive settled on four exterior design issues that i think you can see in a lot of cruise ships even if you dont know shit about ships.

this is by no means an exhaustive list but just some common observations that you will see in 97% of cruise ships.

im also gonna include an example ship for each and also further examples when needed.

so without further ado:

1. your ship looks like a bus and a ferry had an unholy love affair that ended with a baby neither wanted.

as an example of this anchor-christ, may i introduce you to the celebrity edge

something about the stern (back) just reminds me of diamond busses here in the uk while the bow (front) has a distinctly ferry-like look.

the super-structure that you see peaking above the spaceship-bridge on the bow is giving me double-decker bus energy.

the orange viewing box elevator thingy gives construction site energy, but also gives me public transport vibes? like i can just see something similar being added on buses with no explanation and we'd all just be like i guess buses are getting the budget silicon valley treatment.

further, celebrity edge has relatively sharp angles at the stern and bow. if you look at a lot of ocean liners, youll see shallower sweeping angles curving down, while a lot of cruise ships will have these sharper angles (though by angles, i mean curves still) or just will stop at the stern:

[Image ID: collage with five ships. In the top left corner, there are two images with the profiles of the SS France and the SS Andrea Doria. In the top right, there is the stern of the MSC Meraviglia. Bottom left: the stern of the Costa Deliziosa. Bottom right: stern of the Norwegian Epic]

though not pictured above, the rms queen mary actually earned her title at the miss pacific ocean competition where a cruise ship will never win because theyre just too ugly.

but my point is that the abrupt ending of superstructure and ship at the stern looks like a bus. it just does.

there is also like "this is just a block of flats" energy with the costa deliziosa, but thats getting into the next point:

-

2. oh no gang, billy bear misplaced his msc seaside hotel and now its floating out to sea on a barge! can you help him?

yes this is a butlins reference, what are you gonna do about it? call a red coat on me?

the msc seaside is one of many cruise ships where it looks like someone put a hotel on a barge... which is what a cruise ship actually is.

like, they are barely ships. anyone who says theyre going on a cruise to explore the ocean is trying to buff out their tinder bio. while cruise ships technically can sail across oceans, they dont. their journeys are incredibly short they sail very close to land, avoid any rough weather and its mandatory for all of their captains to have a north american blue grouse fursona.

and thats all because a cruise ship is hotel complex on a barge. its purpose is not to sail far because its just a hotel. there are multiple swimming pools and restaurants and night clubs and fucking rollercoasters on some of them. you can buy souvenirs, you can go do yoga, you can get a massage and as long as your surname doesnt end with a double n, you can put your kid into the available childcare.

forget sending the british army to pontins during covid, lets send them to pontoons!

hotels on barges are the most common version youll see, but there are other variations which include:

chopping mall 2: carnivore cruises

the 2006 remake of the anchor-christ: abargements/if youre renting in a block of flats on a barge, do you pay rent to a waterlord or is your landlord firmly stood on ground?

the happiest place on earth: disneywater!

the entire shenanigans going on with the freedom ship which i do not have time or energy to get into right now, so lets all just calm and down and take a breath and...

-

...3. close your eyes, imagine, feel it. youre on a cruise ship, the ovation of the seas; its an early august night and petrichor deluges the air. the skies above you glisten, a whirlpool of colour illuminated by hundreds of tiny flecks of light. youre alone on the deck, standing at the stern with your arms precariously balanced on the barrier as you turn your attention to the ocean below. its dark, the gentle waves nearly imperceptible yet bar the bone-white crests against the hull. you watch, captivated, listening to the ocean sing its terrible song. yet then somewhere behind you, the mellow thud of hoofs on the wooden deck weaves between the waves and the melody. you look up, lock eyes, feel a hurricane surround you as he stares back, do you remember to count his fingers?

so, you might have noticed that a lot of modern cruise ships, especially the bigger ones, look like some check-mark tech-bro on the bird app used an ai to steal the work of naval architects, photographers, artists, etc. to generate "their own design" for a cruise ship.

the example i chose for this was the ovation of the seas:

the super-structure has copy and paste vibes. the ship also looks like its lurching forward to attack me but thats beside the point.

one of the issues the designers for these ships - i would say naval architects but cruise lines sometimes choose someone for head of design who is not a naval architect and has never been on a ship before for shits, giggles and profits- run into is that its really difficult to make a long blank wall look good.

if youve ever made a house in the sims, youve probably ran into this yourself. youre happily building your house and it looks really good at the front and the back, but the side of it is just a wall and adding windows is giving copy and paste vibes.

my trick for this is either fake chimney, add an extra small popout, vines everywhere or hide it with trees, but these are not viable options for a cruise ship.

trust me, i checked:

hence, we end up with very long ships where its just ctrl c ctrl v for 300+ metres.

so how do you fix this?

well, idk maybe you could take notes from any of the longer ocean liners built in recent history.

you know, like the ss united states or the rms queen mary 2 or the ss michelangelo or the ss normandie or the mv kungsholm or the ss principe perfeito:

now im not saying all of these liners are the most beautiful boats ever; theyre not. as much as i adore her, queen mary 2 is a little ugly. most of them even have an element of copy and paste.

but none of them feel ai-generated. and a lot of them look really really pretty. you can tell that they were designed by human beings.

because the naval architects and naval designers who knew what they were doing. weve got clever use of colours, gorgeous use of curves and sweeping lines that balance out all the design elements. the sameness is broken up when possible, and the ship has focal points designed within to catch your eye.

and all of them have beautiful bows. most ocean liners had/have noticeable bows due to functionality; they needed sharp bows to cut through waves because they were crossing the ocean every week. and so extra care would be taken to both make the bow work for its function and also, look really fucking cool.

the ss normandie specifically has a unique bow shape and structure designed by vladimir yourkevitch, a russian naval architect who had emigrated to france after the russian revolution.

the bow is slanted and looks almost clipper-like. theres this clear bulbous bulb (thats the wrong term but the bit at the bottom) beneath the waterline. this design is matched with a slim hull designed to be hydrodynamic, which made her a very fast ship.

she and the rms queen mary fought over the blue ribband for several years before ww2 broke out. [x][x]

its a little wibbly-wobbly-looking but it gives her a very distinct profile and she just looks really cool. you dont notice the repeating pattern of windows on the super structure because of how striking her entire design is.

and well, there has been attempts to capture this with cruise ships.

they run into problems with it though because their bows are not designed the way ocean liners' bows were because a cruise ship does not need to cut through waves. itd be really weird if you were in a fancy restaurant and you were giving a steak knife for your caesar salad.

so what else can you do to make your bow look so beautiful her kissing booth would be sold out all weekend?

-

4. your bow art is ugly. it is ugly. it is really ugly. please stop putting art on your bow. it is all ugly.

yeah.

take a moment .

.

its okay.

i promise

,

.

shes not real.

.

you can breathe.

take another breath.

.

.

youre okay.

.

.

.

are you scrolled far down enough that you cant see her anymore?

yeah so that was the aidanova. probably the worst bow art i have ever encountered but im yet to encounter any bow art that isnt awful.

pride of america is terrible; caribbean princess' is just completely out of place; norwegian prima is the epitome of "what the fuck?"; majestic princess' makes the ship look naked somehow.

now i will concede that a lot of bow art is probably aimed at children because family cruises are a thing, but i wont concede that it changes anything.

the bow art is still ugly and i struggle to see how it would be appealing to a child. like engaging children is more than just throwing some bright colours and patterns on a canvas? children are smarter than that and even in my joking post making fun of cruise ships, im not gonna stand for the way we invalidate the personhood of children. theyre not things to be distracted with simple solutions.

weirdly the aidanovas is the one id be less harsh about in terms of engaging children because there is more to dig into like a boat version of thomas the tank engine or like how do boat body work? the art isnt surface level.

but its still just ugly. the shape of the bow does not compliment the face and the change in colour in the eyes is very distracting.

tbh, if youre gonna do bow art, youve got two options that arent awful:

actually aim it at kids in a way thats not just surface level look at bright colour braxter. have focus groups with kids, gets their feedback, have kids contribute. respect the intelligence and personhood of kids.

just go all out. balls to the fucking wall, just break every damn rule in the book and apply every technique your art teacher hated. the ship is gonna be ugly anyway, make it fun ugly. camp is in. pantomime it up in this bitch!

-

and anyway, that concludes my "brief" answer to this question 👍

btw if you would follow a blog that just trashes cruise ships because of how ugly they are, please tell me because like, if enough people would enjoy it to make the effort worth it, i Will do it.

[sunnybunny2468]

answering a entire ask game for one oc because i can (but its probably only gonna be miley)

(use the link for a key!!)

🌈 orange and grey, mainly neon orange and darker shades of grey (not black, more of a #48494a than a #acadb0 if that makes sense)

👁️ from how i see it? a moody teen who's only like that to counter his best friend. and while that's semi-true, he is meant to be a bit more than that.

💝 eeeeh....he just puts on a grey hoodie and calls it a day 99% of the time. he's always cold.

⚠️ 'incredibly paranoid and easily provoked, interact with caution.'

🌨️ outside with his camera, taking photos of anything that catches his eye, and probably napping in a few places while he's at it.

💙 somewhat messy, a few posters and a desk + spinny chair, closet, and a messy as hell bed

👖 i mean. hes in hs.

☕ he likes soda, cherry to be specific, but also can do with energy drinks sometimes. not often. he would refuse to ever sleep if he had them more.

🧁 8/31/2007, with his friend group. his parents try to leave something for him (one works day shift leaves a gift, one who works night shift gets a cake) but he spends the day with the rest of the quartet. Bri especially makes sure she wears something miku related (since him and miku share a birthday)

🧠 fight. easily fight. though he moreso.....either makes the other person try to hit him so he can dodge and blame it on them, or lets them tire themselves out.

💭 ooooh boy. inferiority complex, anger issues, paranoia, yeah hes doing great. a lot of shame, since he doesnt really feel like he's a good or worthy person.

💔 absolutely hard. he can come around to it after a WHILE, but forgiving himself is off the table.

❗ keeping his friends from other people bullying them, taking photos of important things, and just staying alive.

⚔️ he tries to stay out of it, unless it's someone he cares about or a unfair fight. then he steps in and ends it by either surprising the other person or scaring them off.

🌍 eeeh. he doesnt give a shit. he's not dying, is he? and he's a bad person, right? why worry about a way to redemption when you know you're already damned?

🌊 ...he really wants to take care of animals. cats, specifically. sadly, animals don't like him much, so he doesn't think it's possible.

✨ taking photos of his friends and keeping them physically. it's something to remind there are people who spend time on him and want him around. helps his self-loathing.

🧶 photography. he loves photography.

🍪 rain, somewhat flowers, and fire/smoke.

☔ he loves it. in his words, 'it keeps everyone else inside, so it's just me and my umbrella.'

🌲 his friends houses, but also a abandoned gazebo he found in the woods while taking photos. he goes there when he feels like being 100% sure he's alone.

⚡ no, not really.

🗡️ his camera, maybe?

💛 awkward as FUCK. he'll push lavender instead, he knows he's bad at it.

🧡 eeeeh. if you're trusted, absolutely.

👁️‍🗨️ don't. just dont. he HATES it.

🐺 he's alright with it. not for too long, but for a bit, sure.

🔅 cursing. LOTS of swearing.

🌱 (doing it from from ic dialogue) "Eh?- Early memory?- ...I guess meeting Bri is early enough. She approached me, pulled me up from my seat, and dragged me out to go play with her! ....I was looking for an excuse to talk to her, don't worry. Sometimes I wonder what would've happened to me if we never met...."

🐰 eeeeeh. depends on the person.

🍁 autumn. he likes it being cool but not too warm.

🌕 he'd be a standard orange fox. he loves them.

🦷 ......probably not. i hope.

🐉 dragon.

🐸 a lot of sarcasm, snide remarks and teasing.

🚷 he's blonde and has blue eyes (i have brown hair and hazel eyes)

📓 'I’ll take all your pain, so you’ll escape and leave someday' 'I’ll bear the weight for your sake', 'Your compromise is my invitation to fight', 'But don’t forget with whom you are associated, Which sounds unfair, but fair play is overrated', 'It’s not about the strength, it’s about where you strike', 'I’ve weaponized my helpless spite, Now how about that pride of yours?', 'A matter of morals, of course, Poor little boy can’t solve all his problems with force', 'It’s karma, dude!', 'I’m an undead hero', 'Pressure, pressure! A slick rhymed hooligan', 'Me, the result of blame-shifting, no, can’t find that funny, With just one mistake and I’m out of chances', 'Flames closing in, are both sides losers?', 'Let’s raise umbrellas as we shade the world from rain'

[skaldish]

hey i cant remember your DID blog, im sorry, idm if you answer over there if you tag me.

to start with, i have professionally diagnosed DID and have been dx'd 3 separate times, and i have something i guess i want validation for?

since i was itty bitty i was reading greek mythology, like children's versions (i could read very early - "gifted" kid) at 3-5 and it has always very much been a huge running theme in my life, well i have a lot of religious greek alters.

it makes sense that.. reading about these figures, watching movies like disneys Hercules and stuff especially while experiencing consistent trauma that i would develop these alters with my brain viewing them as powerful and comforting?

and as an adult i have developed a bit of spirituality with them, a deeply, deeply personal relationship and devotion to deific alters formed to protect and care for me

i recently had a whole issue with a friend who told me my perception of the gods were "wrong" and that they could communicate with them for me. that the gods could only visit one person at a time. and it fucked me up so bad even though i knew they were wrong. they traumatized my whole system

because the things i communicate with aren't just the gods, they dont even claim to be the real gods nor speak for them, just "real to the andromeda system". no one can communicate with my version of them because they are *alters* and my perception is based in trauma and my needs at the time of formation

i feel fakey and i generally avoid even mentioning the religious alters to therapists because i dont want to come across as attention seeking. my experience is valid right?

in terms of clarsenses.. maybe thats a part of it too? idk but these guys are inherently different from say. the spirit of the trees. idk its complicated, they can front and care for me and have a place in my headspace. i notice i get some gifts like i asked hermes to help us get the car we wanted since ours is breaking, and we're getting an even better version. i dont understand fully, i just know my experience is different and deeply personal and relevant to my trauma and DID.

last thing; i do have other alters unrelated to the greek pantheon that interact with them in the headspace. ones that are more "normal" i guess like child alters and trauma holders/persecuters and regular protectors (many of the greek ones are protecters/caregivers/managers. a small few hold trauma - like Hera holds the trauma i witnessed my mom go thru and she is a caregiver. some front. some are internal.) i guess im seeking an explanation from someone in a similar position? in terms of being spiritual with a dissociative disorder. especially considering i do feel like i receive gifts from them in the real world im just confused about myself and experiences which feel incredibly complex. it feels like my experiences go hand in hand with each other!

I'll say what I always say in these situations:

It's not a question of "valid" or "invalid," it's a question of what something is. Our feelings are always valid, but that has nothing to do with whether we're accurately interpreting them or not. Discernment is what's important, and as frustrating as it is, no one can really do that work other than you.

I can't even offer much in the way of perspective, to be honest. Despite the fact you and I are in similar positions, my experiences with dissociation and clairsenses are totally different. None of my alters take the form of deities, for one thing, but I've also never had trouble differentiating my alters from deities.

My advice would be to just give it time. Spiritual exploration is full of heavy lifting, and it's something we just work our way through over the course of time.

(Also my brain blog is @prefrontal-bastard, if you ever have questions in the future.)

[wetalkedaboutthisshinji]

Ramblings about Chris Elman and wtf his identity even is

I'm talking all endgame spoilers for Ward so PLEASE dont read if you haven´t finished it.

(SPOILERS FOR WARD)

Eventually I'll make an actual essay about Ward because there a lot of stuff. Ward is, IMO, not bad but is such a confusing absolute chaos of good and interesting ideas that kinda get lost in the haze of insanity. Like I do think Ward is good but it's the least good of all of Wildbow's stuff that I've read and I sincerely feel if he actually editted it it would be as good or better than Worm but he wont so whatev. I guess I'll just scream to the void.

Also, OOOOOOFFF because Chris is actually a very complex character! And this complexities IMO are NOT well examined in the story proper! My hot take is simply that Wildbow just kinda....didn't fully explain or problematize or, like, made a plot of this, despite it clearly being both set up for it as well as quite honestly necessary to understand one of the main characters.

What is even Chris's mental age?

In a way Chris is a clone with all the memories of a man somewhere between 20-40 years old. He was made specifically to relive the traumatic events of his creator's life so that he would trigger in the exact same way and have the same powers, an utterly insane idea that hadnt even been shown to be possible. He retains traumas and anger from this life, despite it not being technically his own, and in his own internal narrative often sees himself as Lab Rat, the minor villain that turns out was actually one of the most powerful villains in this universe. Several people treat Chris not as his own person but as Lab Rat cheating death, coming back.

Note 1: the reveal that Lab Rat is Chris's creators is THE WORST twist Wildbow ever did. It comes out of NOWHERE, it's about a character that had NO relevance since Worm ending and no presence in Ward proper and, while not IMPOSSIBLE in this universe it takes so many unlikely stuff and leaps of logic that it just...wow. They really do it like they expect the audience to flip their shit but I had to wiki walk a lot to even get what was going on. And when I did my answer was not "Holy shit! This is crazy" but a very confused "Is that how triggers even work?"

I believe the issue was that commentors on the webpage where so filled with complex headcanons that when Wildbow decided to follow on one of them everybody that was there week by week was so busy losing their minds to even contemplate the fact that it was all kinda from left field.

Note 2: My personal headcanon is that Chris and Lab Rat have actually slightly different abilities as Chris seems more focused on serums that temporarily grant powers instead of just making monsters but that might be just how they are different in their usage of their powers --another point for "Chris is not Lab Rat" bag imo. Also he's clearly a Trump? Like, he can clearly mix powers? Isn't that OP? Why doesn't anyone react to this random suddenly becoming Eidolon Lite?

Going back to the main topic, the other thing about Chris is that in another wqay he began existing sometime around Gold Morning so he's also 2 years? He is the thingy that Taylor Hebbert helped Lab Rat toss over the ocean. The monster maker's last creation, made out of a dare, to show how great this own power really was, made to do "something big". Created out of hubris, whim and irresponsability.

Chris began existing as a literal monster without a human body, possible non-sentient, driven by "directives" that he biologically has to follow. So in a way he is kinda close to Nilbog's creations, as a byproduct of parahumans irresponsably going all Frankenstein. The way he constantly associates himself with monsters and non-humans is...kinda a point from him? And this clearly informed his actions on the Titanomaquia but it was A Bit Rushed (take a drink when you say this regarding a secondary character on Ward ending).

And like, he is also clearly dominated by the "Directives" his creator left and those drive him but he kinda rationalizes them as things that he truly wants and becomes emotionally invested in them but at the same time you could argue he IS a victim of his own creation....but nobody finds out he even has directives he HAS to follow. Not to mention the insanity of sometimes seeing yourself as a person but at the same time having orders of that same person installed since birth in your head in a way that you cannot fight.

And, like, he himself seems to be incapable of making up his mind whether or not he is his creator? Like he sometimes seems to truly believe himself to be this older man, despite the fact that he's physically another body and also began existing as a completely different being and demostrably has different attitudes and has to follow the order of the original Lab Rat. But he still has his memories, his hatred for people, his grudge against his sister. So he does have more maturity than a 12-year old. But he IS immature because he's also 2 years old. Victoria essentially forgives everything he pulls because she essentially internalizes him as even more of a child than Kenzie and, well, not wrong? His actions really do scream of a child going "You can hit me :P" at times with Team Breakthrough, which arguably are the first and only people that have treated him as his own person, something he himself is not sure he is or isn't. So he lashes out at them and constantly annoys them but it's always this extremely self-destructive thing? It's a very compelling dynamic, a friend turned enemy that kinda just wants to attention but doesn't want to admit it. He wants to be validated as an evil monster but this people have seen both sides of him and know he is closer to an annoying 12 year old that he himself will ever be to the Endbringers.

Jessica outright believes him to be his own being and sincere about heroics and when she asks him what he truly is Chris just shrugs? Because he himself doesnt know and his only real way to treat humans is lying to them so he has never been able to even be aware of it all?

And like, Jessica KNEW. And you could argue that it's a plot hole that she allowed Chris into the team because she fell for his lie and openly wasn't worried about him turning evil. But I would very much indeed like to understand what would it mean for Chris, who began life as a literal monsters during a war and was forced into memories that werent his to be trusted by another person. And what Jessica saw in him to make her believe he could be a hero.

Dont worry tho, Jessica disappears at the end of Ward and this is not examined in any way. Take a drink!

IMO the whole Chris arc is for me one of the parts where Wildbow really dropped the ball because IT IS important and IT IS interesting and there is so much you can do with it but he just kinda stays in the background most of the time.

[rosethreeart]

Hi! If you don’t mind, I have some questions about your… identity, I guess? I hope this does not read as passive aggressive or anything. Here goes: why do you identify as white passing rather than white? With how race works in Latin American countries, if someone looks white they are a white person. There are a lot of white Latinos, especially in Argentina. Is there any particular reason you choose to not identify as white? Is it because Latinidad as an ethnicity is racialized in the US? If you were in Latin America, would you change your racial identity? Asking this a fellow Latino, though in Latin America (CHILE BABY). I look white and am treated as such even though I have indigenous family. But things work different in the United States sooo I am curious! Thank you! Hopefully this is not rude

I can’t answer the “would you change your racial identity if you were in Latin America�� cause that would require me to have a completely different life which I will not speculate on. Also I don’t see why I would?

But to answer your other question(s):

the Latino (father’s) side of my family is NOT white or white passing in the slightest. I’m white from my mother’s side. I also have an autoimmune disorder called vitiligo which affects my skin tone so I quite literally have no melanin in a good portion of my body, which is why I’m so white passing.

(I’m not gonna act like I’m on expert on the subject so forgive me if I’m a little wrong or missing out info/perspectives)

But yes, being Latino/latinidad is racialized here in the US! Here in America white usually refers to European decent from Europe. To some people being white fully depends on DNA % to others it is purely based on looks and to other-others it’s based on personal opinion and personal/cultural identity(which I think should be preferred). But just because someone looks white doesn’t automatically make someone white. This country is a huge mixing pot full of diverse people of all sorts of backgrounds and histories so the way we view race/ethnicity is also diverse and complex. I think a lot of white passing and mixed people refuse to identify as solely white cause it is like an erasure of our background, leaving only the white part visible, and its also is just factually incorrect! There are a lot of Hispanic and Latino people here in the states who are also white passing but not mixed or European/White in the slightest. And not all white passing people actually look white/European. A lot of times when people say white passing they mean solely the skin tone and sometimes the facial features. That’s not to say that white passing people DONT experience white privilege, because we do but that doesn’t negate any of our cultural backgrounds, our family origins/history, or our ethnicity. And odds are when a person finds out you’re mixed or not fully white they’ll treat you differently in a more negative way. We still face certain prejudices, it’s just that we tend to experience it in different ways then most people usually do or think can happen. A lot of issues with being mixed and white passing gets swept under the rug because they’re made to seem like non-issues or minor inconveniences by non-mixed or non-white passing people.

We Americans take lots of pride in our heritage!

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hi, thanks for answering, i appreciate it. also that you didn’t just call me toxic or some shit and tell me to fuck off. i’ve actually never thought of joining a discord server but it’s a good idea, thank you, i think i could try that. i guess on another account though to prevent anyone from accidentally finding out bc you know for yourself how it is. i’ll look up if i can find some kind of dbt workbooks online as well.

the journaling idea is good as well, i’ve actually been trying for a while but i end up rarely using it as a past experience left me with kinda bad trust issues about writing / drawing things down where someone could see them. but i guess i could try hiding it better this time or something. it’s just this thing that also sometimes venting like that actually ends up making me even more frustrated, as i realize i’ve already written about this exact thing countless times before yet still nothing has changed.

i’m trying not to make a too harsh judgement of my therapist yet, considering i haven’t been seeing her for that long, but… yeah. when i said that i’ve been going to therapy for years i meant going to a lot of different ones in this time. no one ever gets me. their advice is always so fucking useless. honestly at least this current one actually listens and doesnt make me feel uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. i think she’s the one i’ve been the most honest with because of that (and also because i just started telling her everything from the first session on already bc i’m tired of everyone always turning out to be nothing but a waste of time and money and effort), i generally lie to therapists esp my psychiatrist so i can get the meds i want (or else im 100% she’d just put me on some shit like antipsychotics, which ive been on in the past and i’d honestly rather kill myself than take them again, idk if you’ve tried them before but i basically felt r*tarded [idk how some ppl are sensitive of slur use like i personally dont care but i dont want your blog banned or smth] and tired all the time and it “”””helped”””” in the way that it made me too slow to be able to think about my problems. thanks psychiatry. not a traumatizing experience at all). i mentioned that i suspect i could have a personality disorder to her once or twice and she seemed to agree that it could be a possibility, but obviously no one can diagnose that fast. but i guess i’ll see. i really just want to know whats wrong with me, why do i think the way i do, why i can’t just be more fucking normal no matter how hard i try. but getting an actual diagnosis of a PD esp if it turned out to be this one would just mean i’d get treated even worse by every single doctor, not even necessarily a mental health one, bc physical doctors see all your records as well,, i’ve already been told my legitimate physical issues are just bc im depressed, or even if they dont straight up tell me they definitely treat me less seriously and i just know its bc i have mental illnesses diagnoses & im female.

i just … ugh. i feel so sick of it all and misunderstood. i know i can get genuinely abusive in arguments when someone upsets me but i really dont know how to stop or control myself. i hate that people act as if it’s all my fault. like everything i’ve gone through doesn’t even matter and i’m just an inherently evil person. like i didn’t have some kind of a terribly traumatic childhood, but i’ve always been either bullied or excluded by almost everyone i’ve ever met and all the social isolation honestly really fucked me up. i think that’s why i developed such a strong individuality complex as i’ve never been able to think all of it must be simply because i’m worthless. like fuck no, 99% of the people are dumb and shallow and ignorant towards reality of the world and i’m supposed to feel like i’m somehow worse than them? at least i have self awareness and my own thoughts. i mean i do think we’re all worthless because nothing in life has any value, so why should humanity be the exception? that still doesn’t stop me from hating everyone though. i may be a hypocrite but so is everyone else; and at least i don’t pretend to be a gOoD pErSoN. lacking empathy and not having morals doesn’t make me any less deserving of help even though i know how many people unironically believe people like me should just be shot. fucking brainless hypocrites, all of them.

but anyway yeah my point here is, fuck people who think anyone chooses to be this way. all of this has done nothing good for me other than made my life much harder. and not to mention unable to ever get genuinely close to anyone because what is the worth in a relationship if i can’t even bring myself to care about anyone? i don’t think “empaths” even realize how alienating it actually is. which is once again so ironic because THEY should be the ones to try to understand it, but no, they just generalize everyone and share the nonsense propaganda that we’re incapable of change.

so yeah, this turned into another vent but i really lack any people in my life who i could be honest with. i feel so lonely all the time. it’s not even really missing a friend group or romance or physical touch, it’s more of this feeling of feeling completely alone and that no one (other than a few people whose writings and actions i admire but they’re all dead) would ever be able to truly understand me. so yeah as cheesy as it is, sometimes it’s nice to be reminded i’m not alone by someone other than a generic social media post made by someone who’d 100% hate me if i told them even half this shit. can i maybe dm you sometime btw? i felt like staying anon while writing this bc i tend to get anxious with ppl at first but idk, maybe, if youre comfortable with that ofc

btw if its alright to ask can i ask how did you get diagnosed? what was the process like and how long did it take? did they suspect anything else at first? do you feel treated by ppl any differently now tjat you have a diagnosis of such a stigmatized disorder? (^ i mean these previous questions if youre diagnosed by a psych, if not its perfectly valid as well ofc) whats personally helping u to cope?

Good luck! I’m glad I could offer some help/reassurance. Maybe instead of a physical journal you could use a private blog or even just a notes app on your phone/computer if that sounds safer?

I do hope things improve with your new therapist and that things work out, it’s good that she at least agrees you might have a PD. Normally I’d recommend a therapist who specializes in PDs, maybe even especially NPD, but idk if that’s accessible for you and/or if you’ve already tried it and had no luck.

But again, I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and what you’re going through and what you feel is 100% relatable to other pwNPD. I truly wish that more people understood us and the irony isn’t lost on me that it’s always “empaths” who are the ones who have the LEAST empathy for us. And I feel like the societal lack of understanding contributes to the more “ugly” or “stigmatized” traits of our disorder even more, tbh. Anyway, my point is that I definitely don’t mind at all if you vent, so please do feel free to DM me if you want to or feel more comfortable that way!

As for my diagnosis, it’s a bit messy — for context im a recent graduate from college and the bulk of my therapy came from campus services, where it was acknowledged I very likely had a PD especially within cluster B but I never got an official diagnosis while I was seeing the school-based therapist, and at the moment I’m trying to find a new therapist who can help me. At first we thought I just had a really intense form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria due to ADHD, then realized it was likely something else. So I’m a weird mix of “self diagnosed, but likely wouldn’t have admitted it to myself or realized it if a professional hadn’t pointed me in that direction.” Until I can find a professional im honestly just doing the best I can to help myself. Sometimes I get tempted to turn to substances to cope bc they make me softer and more open, and if you feel the same way I highly recommend avoiding this, ofc. I mostly use relatable music (lmk if you want my NPD playlist!) and DBT workbooks as a way to help myself, and I also just try my hardest to avoid or remove myself from situations where I might lose my cool and become toxic. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there are ways to do it. For instance, if I’m in a group chat where I feel like people are getting more attention than me, I’ll mute the group chat and maybe text someone from a different group one-on-one (not necessarily about my issues, just in general).I know that answer is pretty mild and entirely social media based lol, but it’s the best example I can provide.

[planet4546b]

For the character ask: Rekkana

REKKANA OF THE KENTARCH 3......

favorite thing about them

ugh i love her complexities i love her drama.....who are the cryptochrons and why does she work with them......why was she so ready to accept the powers the darkness offered......why do lisbon and yardarm trust her so completely.....what did she know about the mission that she didnt tell them.....she has layers she has issues and its a delight!!!!

least favorite thing about them

hmmm idk actually?? might have a better answer if i didnt just have like. one set of lore cards to go off of LOL

favorite line

"She thought that all this knowledge would serve as armor. You should care less about the characters when you know how the story ends. But then, she was a character, too. It was her story." <- this quote was written like. exactly for me. rekkana this is so compelling please say more about that.

brOTP

yardarm.....yes i know i dont have very many options but in temptations bond where theyre trying to come to terms with lisbons betrayl is so heartbreaking and how much its implied that they know each other so well is incredibly sweet

OTP

her and lisbon are legit so cute......the fact that shes clearly operating a different level of understanding this mission and STILL trusts lisbon with divinity and the fact that he trusts her so implicitly and she cant seem to wrap her head around it but is still a little head over heels?? deliciously compelling

nOTP

nothing i guess?? maybe yardarm but also i wouldnt say no to the kentarch3 polycule ngl

random headcanon

i think shes a very good cook!!! she seems like shes very busy so she probably doesnt have much time to cook but she has probably made dinner for yardarm and lisbon like a MILLION times

unpopular opinion

she was right to accept the powers the darkness offered idc. do whatever. go girl

song i associate with them

dreams of cannibalism by typhoon!!! verse 2 especially

favorite picture of them

SOCIETY IF I HAD A CANON PICTURE OF HER.....

[pesterloglog]

Jade Harley, Karkat Vantas, Dave Strider

Candy, page 5

JADE: did you hear that john left his house?

JADE: multiple days in a row even!

KARKAT: NO FUCKING WAY. THAT’S INCREDIBLE. I’VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING.

KARKAT: SOMEONE LEAVING THEIR HOUSE? STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES.

JADE: karkat....

KARKAT: IS IT A SLOW NEWS DAY IN THE CONSORT KINGDOM OR SOMETHING?

JADE: im being serious dumpass

JADE: i was really worried about him!

KARKAT: I’M BEING SERIOUS TOO. I WAS ACTUALLY BEGINNING TO WONDER IF JOHN HAD DIED.

KARKAT: BUT WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT? IT’S NOT LIKE HE ANSWERS THE PHONE.

JADE: well if you CARE so much then maybe dont respond with sarcasm when i tell you that hes getting better!

DAVE: guys its not a competition we were all worried about john

JADE: were we??

JADE: whens the last time either of you tried to hang out with him?

KARKAT: WHEN’S THE LAST TIME EITHER OF US LEFT THE HIVE?

DAVE: yeah shut ins living in glass hives shouldnt throw uh

DAVE: actually if we lived in a glass hive way too much light would come in for karkats brutal photosensitivity issues

DAVE: so wed probably cover all the walls with like

DAVE: lots of curtains and sheets of thick fabric

DAVE: so i guess maybe we COULD throw stones?

DAVE: like kinda small ones so that the fabric could easily absorb the momentum

DAVE: also me and karkat would probably be too lazy to throw the stones that hard anyway

DAVE: so i think actually this scenario is pretty workable here

DAVE: it provides for a certain threshold of allowable minimum hypocrisy

JADE: dave this sucks

DAVE: no it doesnt

DAVE: im giving thoughtful and critical consideration to a cliche which is long past due

DAVE: a glass house with wall to wall curtains creates what im going to theorize as an incredibly important “self owning buffer”

DAVE: this is a huge breakthrough and also its fucking science

DAVE: you of all people should appreciate the work being done here

JADE: oh my GOD

JADE: i never thought id be thinking of you as my weird nerd friend by the time we were in our twenties

DAVE: yeah well i never thought youd be like the premiere woo girl on the planet

DAVE: what are you even doing here with us

DAVE: dont you usually spend your weekends at 48 hour interspecies raves or doing arctic expeditions with jake or whatever

JADE: those two things are not always mutually exclusive hehe

KARKAT: UGH

JADE: im just enjoying my youth

JADE: you could be enjoying it too hehehehe

JADE: but seriously.... what do you two even do holed up in here together all the time?

KARKAT: OH I’M SORRY, HAVE YOU NOT SEEN DAVE’S ILL BEGOTTEN ART EMPIRE?

KARKAT: HE’S GOT HIS OPPOSABLE DIGITS STUCK IN SO MANY DOUBLE-STACKED HUSKLOAFS THAT EVEN I DON’T KNOW ALL HIS PEN NAMES.

JADE: ok so thats what dave does

JADE: what do YOU do??

KARKAT: I UH

JADE: sit around and play video games all day?

KARKAT: HEY! THAT’S NOT THE ONLY THING I DO! I’VE...

KARKAT: DONE LAUNDRY.

DAVE: once or twice

KARKAT: ALSO, WHAT HUMANS REFER TO AS “GROCERIES.”

KARKAT: I DO THE GROCERIES.

DAVE: thats not a fucking figure of speech man

DAVE: you dont do the groceries you go out and buy them

DAVE: and even then you dont actually do that

KARKAT: LIKE FUCK I MPHUMPHLE...

DAVE: he means that he uses the alchemizer in the basement sometimes

KARKAT: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?

DAVE: oh and when hes in a bad mood hell go yell at trolls on the internet

DAVE: not like trolls as in the troll species i mean

DAVE: literal trolls who talk shit online

DAVE: i dunno a bunch of them could be actual trolls i guess

DAVE: but not strictly

KARKAT: DAVE!

KARKAT: DON’T FUCKING TELL HER ABOUT THAT.

DAVE: why not dude i think its cute

DAVE: hes on all the major political sites of course but he spends most of his time going after people who leave abusive comments on my sweet bro and hella jeff posts

DAVE: like hes got a whole complex network of burner accounts and sockpuppets on my homepage set up for every possible scenario

JADE: jesus christ....

DAVE: its incredible hes driven at least ten people off the site by creating thinly veiled parody accounts of their usernames

KARKAT: STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS!

KARKAT: MY EXPLOITS ARE HEROIC. GO ABSOLUTELY FUCK YOURSELF.

DAVE: karkat shoosh

DAVE: im so proud of you

DAVE: couldnt have done better myself

DAVE: well i mean i definitely could have but i have better things to do with my time

KARKAT: THANK YOU DAVE. THAT WAS HEARTWARMING AND NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSING. CONSIDER MY HONOR UNDENIABLY DEFENDED.

JADE: actually karkat its more like youre the one defending HIS honor

JADE: thats sooooo cute.... a knight whiteknighting for another knight

JADE: dave its like karkats your adorable little house husband!!!

DAVE: uhhhh

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS A HUSBAND?

DAVE: er

JADE: a husband....

JADE: a husband is a little like what you both do already

JADE: only with....... certain “benefits” :)

KARKAT: WH... WHAT KIND OF BENEFITS

JADE: heheh dont play dumb karkat

DAVE: jade dude cmon

DAVE: leave him alone

JADE: if youre really that clueless.... i can show you....

JADE: OW!!!!

JADE: karkat what the HELL!

KARKAT: WHAT THE HELL??

KARKAT: YOU’RE SERIOUSLY ASKING *ME* WHAT THE *HELL*!?!?!?

KARKAT: JADE, YOU WERE TRYING TO CHOKE ME TO DEATH WITH YOUR WEIRD, SOFT HUMAN FINGERS! WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO? REACH INTO MY CHEST AND PULL OUT MY FUCKING PUMP BISCUIT FOR A MIDDAY SNACK?

KARKAT: IS THIS BECAUSE YOU’RE HALF BARKBEAST NOW?

JADE: NO!!!!!!

JADE: i was FLIRTING you dummy!

JADE: oh my GOD you two really are hopeless!

JADE: why do i even WASTE my TIME???

KARKAT: THAT’S A GOOD FUCKING QUESTION!

DAVE: so apropos of nothing

DAVE: just a cool segue into a completely different topic for no reason

DAVE: did you guys hear that jane was gonna run for high office

KARKAT: NO FUCKING WAY

JADE: oh wow

KARKAT: YOU MEAN...

DAVE: yep

DAVE: the fucking presidency of earth c

JADE: i mean shes been positioning her megacorp and stocks in a way that looked SUPER suspicious the last year or so, so id wondered about it

JADE: but i didnt think shed actually do it!

DAVE: nah she was totally gonna pull the trigger on it after all these years but decided against it at the last minute for some reason

KARKAT: THANK FUCKING GOD. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A COMPLETE DISASTER.

DAVE: i know right thats what i said when roxy told me

DAVE: especially for the economy

KARKAT: REALLY. THE ECONOMY. THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK IS BAD ABOUT IT?

DAVE: oh yeah and the troll thing is bad too i guess

KARKAT: OK, SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOUR PRIORITIES ARE: NUMBER ONE, THE ECONOMY, WHICH LET ME REMIND YOU IS BUILT ENTIRELY ON INFINITE, FAKE MONEY THAT WE CAN MAKE AS MUCH OF AS WE WANT.

KARKAT: NUMBER TWO, THE POTENTIAL GENOCIDE OF MY PEOPLE.

DAVE: ok wow

DAVE: lets like

DAVE: slow our roll here

DAVE: lets slow any roll that makes me seem more xenophobic than i am ok

KARKAT: WHATEVER YOU SAY, DAVE “NOT XENOPHOBIC” STRIDER.

DAVE: thats good

DAVE: lets keep using the phrase not xenophobic in sentences that contain my name

KARKAT: SURE MAN. THAT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE SOMETHING A XENOPHOBE SHITHEAD WOULD SAY AT ALL.

DAVE: look im not the bad guy here

DAVE: jane is

DAVE: or... was

DAVE: until she decided not to run for president

DAVE: lets all just thank whichever christ was responsible for making whatever decision resulted in her deciding not to do that

KARKAT: WHAT?

KARKAT: DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT, XENOPHOBE.

DAVE: no look

DAVE: ill be the first to say that jane is xenophobic as fuck

DAVE: im not

DAVE: like at ALL?

DAVE: but she is

KARKAT: OK DUDE

DAVE: but i dont think shed go so far as to commit genocide

DAVE: thats really exaggerating her faults

DAVE: like wed have to get pretty far away from the people we were when we started all this for that to be a viable outcome

JADE: hmmm

JADE: well i hope she gets a better hobby

JADE: there are a lot of less ominous things she could do with her time

KARKAT: WHAT, LIKE FUCKING HER WAY THROUGH HALF THE POPULATION OF EARTH C?

JADE: get fucked karkat

[rainbowe-set]

100 questions, to help doe {eye/he/it} figure eyeself out. w soul {it/red} answering as well coz why not. except we keep changing the 100 questions

name

doe.. | soul/shrimp

2. age

20 | 20 but body is {ADULT}

3. we're not sharing our city xdd

4. What do most people not know about you?

i'm, kind of a girl? and a boy? but also neither? my gender is love i think.. | idfk, just like blue /sys did, i like digging out chunks in minecraft. repetitive task go brrr

5. What do most people know you for?

i don't think anyone knows me, apart from amaris and others of his system? but i guess that would be for the game i'm a fictive from. | hell if i know?? for being the soul i guess

6. Hobbies

talking with amaris.. if that counts.. oh! drawing, right. | listenin to music

7. What are your passions?

art? love? | maybe minecraft speedruns. or music, music is more like it

8. What do you search for in a significant other?

that they love me? i don't know.. that seems like enough | probably being less socially anxious than me. need me a "excuse me he asked for no pickles" kinda person /hj

change of plans i chose different questions those ones were too hard

   1) Put your {playlist} on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

Chonny Jash - Grew On Me | i dont have a separate playlist but from blue's playlist, I Am... All of Me by Crush 40    2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

amaris.. | amaris as well    3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

from fnaf into the pit, 'his dad sped away, probably glad to get rid of him."    4) What do you think about most?

probably amaris.. is that weird? | weirdo here! not weird. :thumbsup: .as for me uhhh maybe music    5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

"gniiight 💜"    6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

clothes on, i suppose? i don't like changing clothes much | clothes on, somewhat same reason    7) skip    8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

girls are awesome, boys are awesome? | girls go to ccollege to get more knowledge.... boys go to jupiter to get more stupider... /ref    9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

no? i wonder if i can write poems. as in, am i good at it? i should try some time | i meeean, technically the soul eclectic? lol ik tht doesnt count but its funny    10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

what does that even mean? | that was before i even existed i think    11) Do you have any strange phobias?

don't know about "strange", but.. heights? and being abandoned, you know.. being hated.. | slight social phobia xdd    12) skip    13) skip    14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

going out on a walk. that sounds nice, we should go on a walk sometime | absolutely not /lh uhh for me i guess shopping? but never on my own {w parents}    15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

ooh, that's tough. um... both? if that makes sense.. as in, being able to watch myself? because i like myself? | <-autospec momence. uhh for me i think behind th camera    16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

chonny jash? he's not a band, but.. | lemon demoonnnnn    17) skip    18) skip    19) skip    20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

love. both of those. | my fuckinnn self esteem issues tbh. and, resilience, is that th word? idk man    21) Who is your celebrity crush?

ooh. chonny jash? | backrooms    22) skip    23) skip    24) Do you have a collection of anything?

i mean, if it counts, collection of art of us amaris has done | blue's rock collection is somewhere in the wardrobe    25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

ah, neither? or, actually, both. talking online but not with video | both r bad but talkin on the phne is bettr    26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

if the people i love are happy with me, then i am. | no lmaoooo    27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hm, maybe chalk on board sound. and voices of loved ones | chalk on board from me as well chief. or sound of the body's voice. sound i love, uhhh idk silence?    28) skip    29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes? but not aliens.. | one of the alters in here is literally a ghost lmao {well ghostkin but it counts}. uhh idc abt aliens    30) skip    31) Smell the air. What do you smell?

sweat? | cold wind    32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i haven't been to many places.. | school. i didnt even exist yet but school    33) skip    34) skip    35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

love? | none lollll    36) skip    37) skip    38) What’s the weather like right now?

cold. | cold windy    39) skip    40) skip    41) skip    42) skip    43) Do you have any nicknames?

i mean, john doe is a nickname i guess.. | soil or smtn i dunno    44) skip    45) skip    46) skip    47) Do you have any obsessions right now?

amaris? does he count.. is it weird? | minecraft speedrunning perhaps    48) What’s your ?

? | ??    49) skip    50) Do you believe in magic?

i suppose i do | sure man fuck me up    51) skip    52) skip    53) Do you save money or spend it?

i would save it, i think | save    54) What’s the last thing you purchased?

| rainbow huggy wuggy? tht happened b4 either of us existed but idk what else we've bought    55) Love or lust?

love.. | love    56) In a relationship?

yes.. | yea    57) skip    58) skip    59) Where were you yesterday?

at home, i think? | do not fuckin remember lolll    60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

hello kitty clip ons | anime girl figure    61) skip    62) What’s your favorite animal?

ooh, uh, probably cats. | birds. crows. uhh sure cats i mean i like dogs too so idk    63) skip    64) skip    66) skip    67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping? i think..    68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?

what? | i dont think satans last name is what.. (that's not what i-) ahem. uhh redfield    70) skip    71) skip    72) skip    73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love.

love.. | trust    74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

maybe my type by saint motel | aint nothing like a funky beat perhaps    75) skip    76) skip    77) How can I win your heart?

just love me. that is enough. | like my things or smtn    78) skip    79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

coming back from the void | <- headspace void. uhh joining pcjs perhaps. it wasnt me who did it but still    80) skip    81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

loverboy. | wtf kinda question is that...    82) skip    83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.

amaris.. | acou /sys and amaris    84) What is a saying you say a lot?

"is that weird" maybe.. | awesomesauce    85) What’s the last song you listened to?

| currently listening to Moe Shop - You Look So Good    86) Basic question: what’s your favorite color/colors?

black and red | red and gray.    87) What is your current desktop picture?

| p3 protagonist. we should probably change it... hm    88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

(REDACTED) | myself /hj    89) skip    91) skip    92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

amaris telling me he likes me.. | when i first appeared. tht blurry feeling is weird but kind of pleasnt    93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i mean, if i erase our trauma (that i don't even remember), i probably wouldn't exist anymore, would i? | vyral's trauma    94) skip    95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

meeting amaris.. | amaris as well    96) skip    97)skip    98) skip    99) skip    100) skip

[dumbbitchfrommars]

there is a particular memory i have that i doubt anyone else remembers but me, but it absolutely tortures me. its probably the source of my biggest shame. but the reality is its quite innocent, right? i hope so. every child is guilty of doing the wrong thing in one way or another. nobody is perfectly innocent. i guess the main thing that has worried me recently is if it permanent scarred or damaged me. like, if i hadnt done that, would i be different today? but i think without that, i still would like girls different. and it doesnt make me like men any less. the depth and complexity of this issue is so draining. i want to make it simple, and i have been successful at doing that, i think, but maybe i was actually just brushing it under the rug. cause when it comes back its like the problem has grown even more stressful and shameful and uncomfortable. its like its kinda come in and replaced my whole ex situation. the worst part is the black and white of the fact that the amount of thought ive put into this makes the answer so clear, i must be gay. but if i am, how do i still want men? but do i really want men ? or am i sexualising them ? am i seeing them through the lens of my childhood self that dreams of the fairytale love story i obsess over? what is stopping me from having that exact romance but with a woman? nothing. nothing. i am considering this so deeply and it seems so easy, yes, its easy, i can be with a woman and be happy. im scared to do that though. i dont want to be rejected by my family, or by men. then it is about validation! i dont want them to reject me when they realise im unattainable. but am i unattainable? its getting closer and closer to that point. i keep being disappointed by the men in my life. the fact that my toxic, teenage first boyfriend was the best romantic experience ive actually had with a male. thats concerning. and i know there are so many girls who had boyfriends, even multiple boyfriends, before they realised they were gay. what if thats me? ugh im so confused with my indecision on this. lets simplify again. i like attention. i like flirting. i like sex. i like men, and i like women. i like being liked. and im human for that. maybe for now ill just continue sticking to myself and avoiding any kind of sexual contact, until i figure out what i want and how to protect myself from the dangers of strange men. hm. hm. hm. 

[bumblebaubles]

https://www.dazeddigital.com/beauty/article/41436/1/mixed-race-identity-cgi-influencers-lil-miquela

ok maybe its the petty in me but im sort of relishing in the discomfort ai influencers or avatars are giving people. 

Im not a conservative edgelord that hates woke snowflakes and cancel culture however i do think that true accountability and responsibility cant be forced through half baked apologies or that you can rush someone into understanding complex societal or governmental oppression by equating every single uncomfortable question or misunderstanding to the most extreme divisive or negative context. 

real progress takes time, understanding, and patience and a lot of people don’t have that. a lot of people use social activism or general left buzzwords or theology as a type of coping mechanism for what theyve experienced and while having a name for the behaviors you hated or for the systemic pitfalls you’re effected by are validating people have thrown away the responsibility that comes with being able to have hard conversations about them. 

theyd rather find a celebrity or influencer thats pRoBlEmAtIc and say things they wouldnt normally get away with about people they dont care about and call it a day. make fun of their nose, demean their talent, their career whatever and guess what if you dont like it Im apart of x group that was offended so if you call me out you’re taking the side of the oppressor blah blah its dishonest and a bastardization of what they claim to stand for. peace love equity unity whatever bullshit theyre spouting while saying terrible things about someone because theyre bored and not because they know anything or want to tell anyone about important issues.

since they no longer hold this responsibility, its up to the people “in power” or the illusion of it. its up to people with a platform to spread the word. its their job as a human being to care about other people and theres absolutely no excuse for not knowing every detail of every aspect of every experience a racial or sexual minority has ever had! how ignorant of them!!! 

since real people are prone to make mistakes, be problematic, say things they shouldnt and can never ever change under any circumstances real people just wont cut it anymore. 

cANT YOU SEE? YOUR CALLS FOR DIVERSITY, RELATABILITY, REPRESENTATION AND THE ‘BARE MINIMUM’ HAVE BEEN ANSWERED

what better people to carry the weight of public scrutiny than the PEOPLE THAT ARENT EVEN REALLLLL. 

AI can understand you, AI can represent you, AI IS you. 

no more jackie aina profiting off of soro soke candles. no more white tiktokers getting cancelled every other month for saying the nword or something. no more demanding actors speak out about russia invading ukraine or being mad that they dont know hong kong is losing its sovereignty, or what sovereignty even means!

AI knows EVERYTHING! it KNOWS the history of israels invasion of palestine. It KNOWS the new french president is from a nazi party. Ai KNOWS what the people want to hear because computers the size of buildings are scraping and storing YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION thats being sold FOR PROFIT!!! what better way to get EVERYTHING you wanted from a person, WHO ISNT EVEN A PERSONNNNN!

you dont have to worry about mental health, problematic past, their passive role in white supremacist society by not acknowledging their privilege!

AI is racial ambiguous! AI tells you what youve been DYING to hear! AI will be there for you when people let.you.down.

you dont like it? well fuck you.

[eremiie]

i dont know if its ok to ask but- jealous possesive eren pleassee.. tyy🤸‍♀️

no, nothing;

❥ eren x reader | 2.4k words | modern au

❥ content: possessive eren wooo, wall sex??, cum play i guess

❥ a/n; yes yes this is late idk what happened??? anyways this is season 4 eren, that’s the vibes this gives me

"what are you doing?"

eren had your jaw in between his fingertips, head pointed up towards him yet eyes darting around to avoid his gaze.

you hated when he was like this— when he thought every little interaction with anyone other than him was some kind of advancement. it irked your nerves, yet your mouth stayed quiet and you stayed compliant when he spoke to you, when he confronted you.

your fingers danced up and down the material of his sweats to distract yourself. "nothing." your voice came out in a low mumble, nervous that if you spoke any louder than you were, eren would find it offensive.

"nothing?"

at least to you it was nothing, only a couple minutes ago before eren called you to stand in between his legs from where he was perched on the railing of the stairs, you were a distance away with your other friends, namely sasha, jean and connie.

it was late at night, moon in the sky as the five of you goofed off in front of connie and sasha's apartment. you had no reason to be out so late— other than the fact that you all were bored. you'd decided to get together at their shared apartment for a small get together but the house quickly became a bore.

connie tried to teach you a skateboard trick that sasha couldn't seem to get the hang of, although he deemed it as "one of the easiest tricks to learn." and since the title of the trick was self proclaimed, you wanted to try to see if it really was that easy. you didn't see any harm in that, you didn't see any harm when you finally attempted the trick and almost fell back, the rough surface of the skateboard flying out from underneath you and jean having to catch you before you injured yourself.

the four of you had a moment of laughter, and you had thanked jean for catching you. you didn't process what you were doing at the time because once again— you found nothing wrong with what you were doing. you found nothing wrong when your hands were encased with connie's for him to steady you, because it was just to steady you. you found nothing wrong when his hands were around your waist to prevent you from falling, and you found nothing wrong when you and jean were play fighting, you getting him back for letting the smoke from the joint ghost right in your face.

but eren did, he always did. every little gesture that was just friendly to you was flirty to him, every little gesture that mean nothing meant something in his eyes. it was irritating, you could always feel his eyes burning into your back, and you always felt like you had to watch your back. you felt like prey that was constantly being hunted, constantly being stalked and watched.

eren took a drag of the joint between the fingertips of his other hand, turning his head to the side to blow the smoke out before looking back down at you again. his gaze was intimidating, the way his eyes were low lidded in boredom— as if he's not surprised. like you have done this before and still haven't learned, even though there was nothing to learn, and a viridian stare that felt like it was looking right through you didn't help to ease the tense feeling in your muscles either.

"what do you mean nothing? you didn't see how they were all over you?" he asked you, tone low much like yours earlier, except it was steady and made you shrink from below him.

do you shake your head no? you didn't see how they were "all over you," but no didn't seem like a good answer for you, then again, you had no reason to lie to him.

"no."

you felt the tips of his fingers on your jaw tighten. eren let out a small incredulous laugh, as if he was in disbelief with your answer. wasn't it obvious? how could you not see the way they were touching you, messing with you, they were practically trying to make eren upset, they always did, and he didn't know how he was the only one who saw it.

his eyes trailed over your body, almost as if he was searching for something. "look at what you're wearing." your eyes skimmed over your attire. it was simple, his jacket draped over your shoulders at his request, covering both you shirt and your shorts completely as it was too big on you.

"eren, theres nothing wrong with what i'm wearing, they don't care,"

"how do you know?" eren furrowed his eyebrows at you in confusion, or maybe slight frustration at the fact that you weren't getting it. his hand dropped down from your jaw to your neck, resting it there while his thumb smoothed over your jawline in a relaxing manner if it wasn't for the conversation at hand. "baby, you're not watching them, i am."

the joint was brought back up to his mouth as he took another hit before letting go of you and sliding off the railing. "sasha," he called out for the girl, her hickory ponytail whipping as she looked towards the two of you. "here." his hand was out with the drug in hand, using his fingers to beckon her over to retrieve it while his other hand snaked around your waist pulling you close to him in a possessive manner.

sasha scurried over from where she was sat on the concrete, saying something to jean and connie before jogging over. "where are you guys going?" she asked as she plucked the joint from eren's fingers, putting it up to her own lips.

"______ needs to get something in the house, we'll be back in a minute."

you shuffled on your feet at his words— you didn't have anything to get.

sasha dismissed the two of you with a nod of her head, walking back over to the other two and repeating what eren said as he took you up the stairs of the apartment complex. he twisted the knob to the apartment until the door swung open, pushing you inside and shutting the door behind the two of you.

"eren, what—" his hand flew to your hips to push you against the door, your back hitting it with a thud that you were sure could've been heard by someone on the other side of the door. he towered over you, eyebrows coming together in aggravation.

"why can't you just fucking listen?" his question came out laced with venom, and you let out a small whimper with how tight he was holding you in place, his hips pressing into yours keeping the distance between the two of you almost nonexistent. "i'm not just saying this shit for no reason, you don't need to be letting them touch all over you. is that what you want?"

"eren—"

"huh?"

you repressed rolling your eyes and held your tongue, not responding to him once more. it almost seemed like your favorite thing to do— leaving him without a response, leaving what you were thinking up for interpretation although it looked like he already knew what you were thinking.

"i'm just trying to do you a favor." he murmured as he studied your face, grip softening just like the features on his face when you didn't respond, only a small pout gracing your features. his hand dipped down until it was underneath the fabric of his jacket, smoothing over the skin on your hip when it slipped between your shorts and shirt. "here,"

his mouth came down to kiss your forehead before pecking kissed down the side of your face, and you closed your eyes. you were used to this, it was the same process every time, he'd get envious, talk to you about it as if it was your fault, and then try to sweet talk you, convince you that it's you, and that it's okay, as if there was an issue in the first place. it happened every time.

eren let both of his hands slide to your ass, lifting you up until you were pushed against the door and leveled with his face. he held you up by your thighs, pressing his self into you and continuing his kisses down your neck.

his teeth nibbled at the soft skin and you held back the noises trying to elicit from your throat. it felt good, it did, he felt warm against you, and despite how he tended to act sometimes; you felt safe when you had him so close to you.

"since you seem to forgot," his hands moved quick, one of them wrapping around your torso to hold you up while the other one moved to pull down your shorts. the cold air of the apartment hit your legs all too quick— goosebumps spreading over your skin that were quickly soothed by eren's warm hand smoothing over your thigh once more. "let me remind you who you belong to."

and there he went, grinding himself against you, attacking your neck with kisses, you were sure he left a couple hickeys that'd be visible in the right lighting.

eren groaned when his finger went down to pull your underwear aside, the warm slick from your cunt meeting the side of his fingers.

he brought his hand up to his mouth, tongue sliding over his index finger as he tasted you, and you bit your lip feeling yourself clench around nothing.

eren shuffled to untie his sweatpants with one hand, then pulling them to his thighs along with his boxers before holding your underwear to the side and sliding into you with one quick motion. "fuck," he groaned feeling you sheath him inside of you.

a soft moan left your parted lips and you grabbed onto eren for support, your fingers twisting the fabric of his shirt as you held onto him, like how he held on to your waist.

his head buried into your shoulder as he pulled out and back into you, groaning into your neck as he continued to kiss you, your back hitting the door with every thrust. "oh, shit—" your sentence came out choppy, every stroke of his was hard, cause you to jolt up every time.

one of eren's hands went down to rub at your thighs before trailing back up your back to grab a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back to expose your neck more to him. you winced, but the hold he had on your hair soon felt like nothing when his lips were on your skin again.

"nobody fucks you like this, yeah?" his voice came out muffled as he spoke against your neck.

you struggled to respond, pleasure was flooding your body and you almost felt incoherent with the way he was fucking you, it felt all too good, it always felt too good. it was something about the way he wanted to fuck you and let you know that you were his, and that you'll never be anyone else's.

"yes, yes." your voice was shaky, and you could feel eren smiling against you. he let go of your locks and moved his hand just a little bit further south to grab your neck instead.

he sped his pace up, and your hips moved to get him deeper— you were practically impaling yourself on him, every time he fucked up into you, you tried to meet his hips.

the lewd noises between the two of you were dirty, they made eren want to fuck you harder, knowing that despite everything that was happening moments ago you were always ready to let him fuck you good. "god, eren," you choked out, feeling his hand around your neck tighten.

you weren't worried about anything else— not about the fact that the other three could walk in at any moment, not about the black spots that were appearing in the corner of your eyes, not about the fact that this was supposed to be your lesson. you were only worried about the way his cock slid against your walls, the way that small tinge of pain made your body jerk when he would hit your cervix yet feel so good at the same time. your were worried about how your clit would hit the fabric of his shirt every time he fucked into you, and how close you were.

and by the way his hips were stuttering, the way his movements were becoming more sloppy, and his grip loosening on your neck, you knew he was close too. "what?" he breathed out, it almost sounded like a pant.

"i'm gonna cum," you moaned, and he dropped his hand from your neck to reach in between the two of you, thumb rubbing your clit in large messy circles until you tightened around eren, a cry of what could have only been his name leaving you as you came around him.

his eyes screwed shut as he felt your slick run down him, when he pulled a little out of you he could see the white ring you left around the base of his cock and he groaned as he used you to get himself off, thrusting into you a few more times before filling you up with his own cum with a grunt.

your legs felt weak, if he were to put you down now you weren't sure if you would be able to stand. so you sat there in his arms for a few minutes, both of you trying to catch your breath and come down from your high. your head was rested against his shoulder and his against your chest.

finally, eren slowly pulled out with a hiss, he was still a little sensitive. he let you step down, still holding onto him to not fall and he pulled your underwear back into place, his fingers pressing the cloth against your cunt  until he could feel his cum wetting the fabric, the squelching noises making you whimper.

"now let's go back out there," he sighed, content with the way you still gripped onto him as you pulled your shorts back up unsteadily.

"and remember who's cum you're filled with when we do."

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!

[orionsangel86]

Super curious: as you've been getting into Spideypool, have you read the Spiderman Deadpool Marvel comic? It's 50 issues, so not too long, it's completed so you don't have to commit to anything ongoing and it's really good and fun! The second half of it was written by Robbie Thompson which is a great bonus!! I have mixed feelings about the ending tbh (won't elaborate bc i don't want to spoil you if you haven't read it) but I overall really enjoyed it and would recommend it!

I'm reading them at the moment! Really loved the first main storyline (the one before Robbie joined) where they fight Itsy Bitsy and Spidey goes dark. I still wanna find and read a ton of fanfic specifically placed after issue 18!! (Maybe this will be what finally gets me back into writing fanfic eh?)

I am on issue 40 now and I gotta admit, i love some of the tropes and very obvious subtext (Thompson was a master of subtext on SPN and I'm pretty well trained to notice it now, whether on TV or drawn in a comic book!) but I'm not as engaged in the bigger story arcs or complex storytelling now which I find a bit messy (which was also a classic flaw of SPN).

I'm not expecting some amazing ending tbh because comic books never wrap up properly right? They just go on and on in their own main comic series. Not that I have any real idea of how they work cos this is the first time I have ever actually read a comic series. My issue with comics has always been that the characters will never really reach an ending, or develop too much, because the whole point is that they are available to use over and over again for as long as marvel keeps making comics.

Like for instance I thought the point of this whole team up was that Deadpool stops killing so that he can be a hero like his hero Spidey, so thats a fundamental character development/change right? It works for the extent of time that he is in team up comics with Spidey, but what happens when he goes back to just the Deadpool comics? Does he stick to his new heroic no killing ways? Or have later Deadpool issues regressed him to his movie counterpart yet again?

(I honestly don't know the answer here but if they didn't regress him again I will be pleasantly surprised.)

Anyway, I guess what I'm rambling about is that I agree that they are very enjoyable for a short time without putting too much commitment in. With just the right amount of subtext and queercoding to keep me interested whilst having zero expectations that there will actually be any proper resolution or character development because I dont expect it from comics to begin with, but thats where fanfiction comes in. ;-)