#it's a learned skill which i feel is very much appreciated in this fandom actually

[starflungwaddledee]

okiii new question (sorry for all of them) what IS the A World That Deserves You AU about exactly?

no worries about asking many questions! sometimes if i take a while to respond it's because 1) i'm making a bigger response (or one that involves art), 2) thinking more about the answer or 3) trying to space out who i respond to.

ones that are just text answers are sometimes faster for me because i can do them on days when i can't draw!

anyway, to answer your question:

the A World That Deserves You AU is an alternate universe timeline created by galacta knight defeating meta knight at the end of Robobot, and making a wish on star dream for them to trade places.

meta knight goes kicking and screaming into the rock candy. galacta knight is inserted into meta knight's life and existing relationships on popstar. galacta knight gladly lives on a happy and peaceful little planet training kirby of the stars, and nobody is none the wiser.

at least for a time.

eventually bandee (of all people, someone galacta knight thinks is totally inconsequential) figures out that something is up. once the severity of the situation is confirmed, he and magolor work together to try and correct the timeline while also developing an insane trauma-bonded a super healthy normal person relationship with each other. (i have talked about this part very little but their relationship and decision to work together is actually extraordinarily central to the whole plot haha.)

then there are a variety of AUs of the AU and different endings that are worse or worser, so on and so forth.

the 'true ending' for awtdy au, "the immortality integer", is actually remarkably happy, all things considered! there's lots of crying and yelling and screaming and a little bit of melodramatic self-sacrifice but it all works out, as things tend to.

[buckleydiazmp4]

do you mind if i ramble in the tags about my weird relationship with making art in fandom for a second

[jerreeeeeee]

i don't think taako's voice is really all that high most of the time. it's higher than justin's normal voice a little, but idk, the defining quality of it isn't its pitch to me, there's something else that i don't really have the words for. but anyway i do notice that his voice gets lower and less exaggerated when he's being serious. which is interesting bc it sort of implies that the usual "taako voice" is something he puts on.

i don't really think of taako as a habitual performer. his charisma modifier is a -1, he's not this ultra smooth charming actor, and although he does tend to hide behind humor and is slow to build connections, he's also very frank with what he's about and what he wants. he goes on an entire tirade about wanting to talk about his feelings (he's multidimensional!), he never acts embarrassed or hesitant about big moments of vulnerability and caring for others (arms outstretched, "i'm not going fucking anywhere," admitting a deep fear to kravitz on their first date, spilling his tragic backstory to angus, not to mention several serious moments with lup) (and not all of these can be chalked up to "forgotten connections," either. he does have a foundation of growth with magnus and merle, even forgotten, and his conversations with lup are of course all with memories intact, but he does not have that with kravitz and angus). he's just slow to reveal all of his hidden depths, because of (understandable) trust issues. but all in all he's not nearly as closed off as i think fandom tends to portray him (which is not to say he's open, either), nor is he someone who wears a lot of masks and obscures himself. i don't think he hides his "true self."

sizzle it up was successful because of his intelligence, not his charisma. he's a natural teacher who's knowledgeable and passionate, and that was what made the show great, not his personality or performance (though i don't think those were bad. just not the primary appeal of the show. the only fan we see is ren, and she loved sizzle it up because it inspired her and taught her to cook, not because she thought taako was awesome or whatever). bc that's the thing, he's not a performer, but he is extremely adaptable. so when he's set up with a stagecoach and a show lined up, sure, he'll have a TV persona, he'll learn to be charming, he'll learn to be showy, when he's on stage. when he gets famous, he learns to like being famous, but i don't think it was really a dream of his before then. or at least not in the way people think of it. i don't think he ever wanted to be a celebrity as much as a celebrity chef or celebrity wizard. he doesn't care if people think he's pretty. he doesn't want people to adore him (before the voidfish, anyway. afterwards is a different story. there's a void where love used to be that he's desperate to fill, and adoration almost feels like it works). really what he wants is for people to appreciate his skill and intelligence and depth (and he's also very afraid of actually displaying those things. he's multidimensional).

but most of the time, when he's not literally performing for an audience, i just don't think he's putting on a show, desperate for people to like him and think he's charming. he'll do what he needs to do, say what he needs to say, be who he needs to be in any given circumstance, with strangers and antagonists, but he also drops the act when it's not necessary. or at least his performance is subtler. he performs stupidity, he performs nonchalance, he makes efforts to be funny (because he is always funny, but that's something you have to work for and always be thinking about, even when the humor is dry), he carefully does just enough to be useful, but not enough to raise expectations. he's very aware of how other people view him, but he's also perfectly okay with people thinking negatively about him—as long as they're the negative traits he wants people to see. but, he only does all those things in the beginning of the show; after a little while with magnus and merle, after a little while with the bob, he drops the act. so i guess that's the difference to me. he's adaptable out of necessity, it doesn't bleed into his entire life. i don't even really think i'd qualify it as a performance. it's more of an invisibility. he's not performing charisma to get people to like him, he's trying to lay low. but then when he actually wants people to like him, he's himself, fairly unapologetically. with the people who matter, lup, magnus and merle, kravitz, the other bob members, the other ipre crew, he's pretty comfortable with himself.

one last interesting point is that while he doesn’t seem to hesitate when it comes to actions, he does shy away from verbal displays of affection, trust, vulnerability. and the best two scenes to show that play out almost exactly the same: lup’s best day ever dinner, and dropping his disguise self with kravitz. in each, taako does something meaningful for both npcs, who then verbalize their affection for him, which taako immediately deflects with a joke.

taako drops his disguise spell for kravitz, totally honest with him, (although… i don’t tend to think the beauty sacrifice was as meaningful to taako as fandom tends to portray, i think most of his vanity is an exaggeration he intentionally cultivates, but still, it’s a vulnerable moment, he clearly cares what kravitz thinks), and kravitz tells him he loves him. to which taako replies with a joke. he does not return the words.

taako doesn’t hesitate to construct the best day ever for lup, never even questions why she’d ask. he puts it all together, cooks for her, shows her he knows her, he loves her—and then when she bears her heart to him, tells him he is her heart, all he says is, “i know,” and pulls out a bottle of vodka. of course lup knows he loves her, the whole day was an elaborate demonstration of it, but he doesn’t say anything. to be fair, it’s not exactly a typical interaction between them, taako is textually scared shitless, lup did just tell him she’s going to turn herself into an undead abomination, so he’s not exactly at his best here. but anyway.

i don’t really have anything to add to this observation, it’s just very consistent and interesting to me. taako is fairly comfortable with grand gestures, but sidesteps around words. which ties in perfectly with his identity as a chef, to me. cooking is an action, work, intention, cooking for people is an act of love, an act of connection, an act of caring, and taako’s character doesn’t fit the bill for that—except, he kinda really does.

[kroosluvr]

sorry i feel bad for ranting on """Main"" i guess though i kinda keep this more of apersonal blog than a very polished art blog thing. under the cut

things wld be easier if i was just an oc-centric artist (which i kinda am but only to myself in my head) but it Is how it is at this point (i want to draw my ocs more but they never turn out the way i want) and theres just so much i want to draw for the silly little media franchises that happen to capture my stupid little heart and etc.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh ifeel stupid for loving too much or whatever. i dont want to throw a pity party over this either because in the end its just "who cares LOVE WHAT U LOVE DRAW WHAT U WANT" right but in the moment i feel stupid and it sucks and i hate it actually!!!!!!! and i WILL in fact keep drawing hwat i want and what makes me happy but like idkidkdidkgkhw

sometimes i cant help thinking if i was a better artist.,, like more artistically skilled........ would people really say the things they do about the things i draw

^ (Authors note: no one has been mean about the stuff i draw just. side comments i guess lol. from my friends though and not random people . so its harder to just brush off i guess)

like maybe im just not good enough yet. which is fine. spite is actually a really good drawing proponent. but its also just like . when will it be enough to be worth it? will it be worth being my friend now if im a good artist? if i draw what you want? ...........................

its obviously not discounting the people who really enjoy my art style adn what i draw regardless (which im soooo so grateful for bc i never like expect anyone to stick around sicne my fixations change like the wind) but its like... these r the people i spend the most time with . and it sucks. i have to. second guess what i say and what i type and just. ok like i know its not that serious either but i hate it i really dont like it (<- im also just socially anxious if u cant tell)

and its also like i cant just extract myself from my friend group for a while to kinda cool off (read: muster the courage to be an idiot in front of them again) bc ummmmm um i dont have many friends . they are kind of all i got. (which is nice i like small circles(?) im not good at opening up to people.) and i do admire and like them very much but then i just feel like i get bit in the ass all the time (This past month) with shit like this i guess

and honestly like. well half the reason i keep switching fixations is BECAUSE of stuff like this where i feel self conscious of """"Being obsessed"""" over One thing so much so i just immediately switch tracks so fast but its just a cycle (Which i dont see as a bad thing tbh? it keeps my art moving and things fresh so like.)

And honestly i dont really try to . be too vocal about. fandom? stuff? when im with my friends? unless they bring it up first? i got burnt so many times with my vtuber interests so like lol ive Learned. but maybe it slips out too much? bruh. my bad i guess

i have to stop thinking abt this man.., why has this happened to me so many times this past month lol its kind of ridiculous

(Im sure they dont like. mean it. right? ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, if they actually meant it and want me to shut up then they should just actually say so right.,

i just want to draw . its not going to stop me from drawing but damn does it really like rain on my parade or put a dent in my fender or whatever other sayings that i cant think of right now

in the end i really REALLY appreciate frm the very very bottom of my heart everyone that even remotely likes/appreciates my art (especially the persona stuff nowadays bc thats what im mainly pouring all my mental and physical and emotional into) like i really really mean it. because this stuff like my silly comics and stuff is really stuff i make for purely my own heart and just what i want to see kinda. and so it just makes me feel really warm that people also want to see it and keep seeing it and love it and everything like that. and, with all this kind of negative stuff going on i just go back and reread tags and comments and stuff and i feel encouraged to keep going and draw more and everything like that. so like really, truly, thank you. i really never thought so many people would like the stuff i make. even if its not really artistically good, or really deeply interesting, im really happy it could be something special to people out there

[whinlatter]

Hello! I just read the latest chapter of Beasts and I am, once again, blown away by your skill. I don’t usually read fics in the HP fandom (not sure why, to be honest- there are so many good ones!) but yours are far and away my favorite of the works I have read. (Re: Beasts, I would like to note that your portrayal of Hermione is dead-accurate and delightfully layered. I appreciate the kindness with which you write her, as neither a saint nor a monster— just a deeply traumatized teenage girl.)

I’m not sure if you dispense writing advice on here— if not, feel free to ignore the following— but if you are, I would love some pointers! I’m sure part of it is my anxiety talking, but I find whatever I write to be irritatingly juvenile. You do such a wonderful job of bringing nuance to your works, and I’d appreciate any guidance you have for amateur writers looking to take their fics to the “next level,” so to speak. Also, on a broader level, any tips you have about nailing characterization would be very welcome. I know the ultimate answer to my questions is simply “time and practice,” but I have a genuine desire to improve, and I figure there’s something I can do to hurry the process along.

In the interest of not wasting your time, I’ll wrap it up here. Many, many thanks!

Oh man, I’m blown away by this comment, are you kidding me? Thank you so so much. You really don’t know how much that means to hear (saving this to look back on on a rainy low self-esteem day).

On writing advice... I'm always a bit hesitant about offering writing advice, even though I have benefited so so much from other people’s advice over the years in lots of different ways (probably because I suspect few of us ever really see our own work very clearly). This is also sort of hypocritical of me because I literally teach (non-fiction) writing as part of my job, lol, but maybe this is my imposter syndrome syndroming.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about this question since you sent this, and wanted to say something that might be useful. I actually ended up going back to the (very bad) fanfiction I wrote about 15+ years ago for another fandom (I will not be linking this here lmao), to see what I do differently now and what I’d gotten better at. This was both a very unsettling but also very cathartic process, lol, because I think I’ve gotten a lot better since then (though, truthfully, it couldn’t have gotten much worse).

So, having done that, I’ve tried to put some writing advice and reflections and thoughts below that I think I’ve learnt since I first started writing and that I feel I’ve found out the hard way (by getting it wrong first time around). My points below are more ‘what I admire in other people’s work and ‘what I would like my writing to do’ rather than me thinking I do all these things well all the time, especially on the nuance and characterisation questions. Some are going to sound super obvious but I definitely did not know them once and have definitely had to work to learn all of them, so I really hope they’re useful to you all the same.

Having now sat down and read my truly truly dire past fanfiction (which has a lot of reviews on it telling me, in no uncertain terms, how and why the work sucked), I think these are the things I wish someone had told me or the things I've learnt after a long long time of getting it extremely wrong...

Writing should answer a question, or a series of questions. I think the big shift from the fanfiction I used to write is that I would start from the premise of ‘I want to write these two characters in X setting’ or ‘I want to fill in Y missing moment’. It’s not that these are bad premises - often, fic ideas start this way - but there needs to be a step after this idea before the writing happens, which is the ‘what question would this answer and what would the answer be’. To give an example, for Orchards I always wanted to write a Harry/Ginny summer teenage love story, but I never really thought of it as answering a question, and so every version I could imagine doing of it was unsatisfying. It was only when I realised the question I had was how does someone fall in love and not realise it (and, I guess, and what do they do when they’ve realised it too late?) that I was like ohhh ok, the fic needs to answer that question, and the conceit is how do we get from A (not being in love) to B (falling in love, but not knowing it) to C (knowing it, and being tormented by knowing it). The later layers the fic took on and that I now like so much - flashbacks, use of the future tense to switch to a period where Harry knows he’s in love but can’t do anything about it - all came after that realisation, and I think the fic is more satisfying for me as a writer because it answers a question I had always had in the back of my mind but hadn’t made conscious.

Show, don’t tell - so, signpost, but give the reader credit. Work that I really admire and take the most from is work that doesn’t beat the reader around the head with the point of each scene. You don’t need to tell the reader how x character is feeling. ‘Ginny felt angry because she thought Hermione was being dismissive of other people’s feelings’ - that’s a note to yourself as a writer more than it needs to be expressed so obviously written to the reader. On a first draft, maybe you need that line to be written out as you figure out how characters are feeling in that scene - that’s completely fine. But as you edit, think of ways you can show that kind of emotional response without coming out and straight up saying it. Try to cut lines that state emotional responses so starkly and jarringly, because they take the reader out of the flow of the scene. How might Ginny as a character show she’s pissed off in ways that are legible to the reader (especially a reader of fanfiction, who is familiar with her)? How can we show Hermione being dismissive (not making eye contact, for instance, or saying curt, dismissive statements that shut down the conversation). This relates to the next point which is… 

Make the setting work for you - or even let it be a character in its own right. It’s rare in any form of fiction writing that the setting or the activities around characters are incidental. This is especially true for HP, where the author uses the setting throughout to both build a sense of atmosphere but also parallel/symbolise the dynamics of the scene at hand, like little winks to the reader. The weather is often the most obvious way of doing this. As the author, you play god - the weather is exactly what you want or need it to be to best serve the scene. That doesn’t mean necessarily happy scene has to = sunny, or sad scene = rain,, but it could mean torrential rain = huge release of something pent up that’s been building for hours (think of the rain pounding on the tent when Harry and Ron have their screaming match in DH - it’s like a fourth character in that scene), or too-hot sun = rising pressure, huge discomfort, feeling prickled and angry and trapped with no shade (think of Harry at the start of OotP, in the heatwave). It doesn’t have to be weather, either. If you want to show how a character is guarded, struggling to let another character in, why not have them have the conversation hovering in a doorway, with the door partly closed? If you want to write a scene where two characters are thinking about their future together and really getting somewhere emotionally, why not have them have the conversation in a moving car, heading towards a meaningful destination (you could even have the instigator of the conversation in the literal driving seat, if you want to suggest dynamics of control or maturity). These are just examples, obviously, but the writing I really admire does this so well (and rewards re-reads for that reason).

Find a motif or a hook. This is more a personal preference, but I love reading pieces of writing that have a clear framing. The post-war summer fic I’ve been working on for nine thousand years lol only really started coming quicker once I finally found a conceit - an image, really - that worked for me (the fic is called Rubble, and the conceit is: how do you literally build a house that is a family home, as a way of thinking about rebuilding after the war, told around the Weasleys as a family). For Orchards, there are a few motifs: ‘the truth’ as a character; ‘truth or dare’ as a game, but also as a metaphor for Harry and Ginny’s early love story, and Quidditch (love is a quaffle). In Beasts, I have motifs and hooks that I hope to stretch over the entirety of the fic, not least this idea about beasts and beings and the hubris and the monstrousness of the wizarding world - I wanted to write a postwar fic for a long time, but I didn’t have a conceit that allowed me to get at the type of story I wanted to tell for ages. Within each chapter, I also like to have a little motif: so chapter two it was ‘coming back’, chapter three it was sleep and dreams, chapter four it was the soul/what makes a person who they are, chapter five was the sea. Some of these were more successful than others lol, but it helps me to fashion and discipline a piece when writing and when editing/cutting to think: everything in this piece, in some loose way, needs to link back to this theme I’m trying to thread through.

Make sure people sound/think/behave like people. I’ve put points specifically about characterisation below, but this is a more general point: characters shouldn’t sound like generic talking points, they should sound like real people putting together sentences. I think in fanfiction writing, because we often want to resolve flaws in characters, write about characters we love and admire, or want them to have the difficult conversations or hard confessions that they don’t do in canon, we sometimes can both idealise them and make them sound like very self-aware consistently compassionate angels who are experts at expressing exactly how they’re feeling in extremely emotionally healthy and communicative ways. It would be nice if our characters all did that, sure! But what makes for immersive, compelling writing is when characters try and struggle and fuck up and live their flaws, and sound like real living breathing failing growing people.

You probably need to lose the last line. The last line of a fic is important, but sometimes you can lose a reader who’s been with you the whole time with a clumsy last line or one that’s excessively cheesy or overly summarising or just seems like an afterthought because you wrap up. I say this as a real mea culpa because I still suck at last lines, but the best advice I have gotten on this is, if in doubt, cut the last line you were going to go with, lol. Let the scene end without the line you think is a great summative profound line or something reassuring or overly comforting for the reader. I am definitely still learning this (the end line of chapter four of Beasts I’m still considering cutting or editing severely lol - it’s too on the nose for my taste, and I don’t love it), but the last lines I do like most are always the most minimalist, sparse, simple, or even abstract. basically - if it sounds like chat gpt could write your last line (chat gpt loves an on-the-nose happy ending - eg. ‘Hermione knew it was all going to be ok after all’) then go back to the drawing board.

Embrace critique. This is a very subjective one, especially for writing fanfic. Writing fanfic is a rich and rewarding hobby but I recognise that it is a hobby and a source of pleasure, so lots of people prefer not to get constructive critique. I’m actually being a bit hypocritical here as I don’t currently have a beta for fic writing, but I do have a brutal self-editing process (oh, the scenes and sentences I’ve cut!) and I have spent the last decade of my life in academic writing and sharing my work-in-progress written work over and over and over again, often for a couple of hours every few weeks in front of a room of people more senior and much smarter than me all with my written work printed out in front of them ready to tell me what I got wrong and what I need to change or get better at, lol. This has been bruising to say the least, but it 100% has made me a better writer and disabused me of a lot of the bad habits I picked up when starting out, and kicked the ego out of me thinking I didn’t need to edit and draft and re-draft everything several times. I’ve also spent a long time reading and editing and responding to other people’s work, in the same way, and that’s also been super productive to help me think about how to better communicate written ideas, fiction or non-fiction. So I think real improvement and growth in your writing has to come from getting a thick skin and being able to take critique from people you respect, who are constructive not destructive, and who believe in your talents, your right to show them, and want to see your work presented in the best possible way.

On characterisation specifically...

Look for similar scenarios in the books and see how the character reacts to those. I go back to canon a lot to find plots that are analogous to the plots I’m writing to see how characters physically and verbally respond to them. My thought processes are like, Hermione and Ginny in conflict? Head to HBP when they clash over Harry and Sectumsempra to see how they fight lol. Need to write a Weasley ensemble scene? Head to Goblet of Fire Burrow chapters pre-world cup to see the family dynamics in full swing, and see how the text conveys warmth and love between the characters, while also attending to power dynamics and changing/fractious relationships, down to the adverbs used to describe how people speak, how they physically occupy the space. (I used this chapter a lot when writing the beach day scene for the latest chapter of Beasts, because I knew I was going to have a scene that in part shows how Bill operates an older brother, especially how he deals with his parents and Percy, but also how to distinguish Bill from Charlie when they’re often characters that can get blurred together a bit as ‘the older ones’.) I’m doing this a ton with Hermione atm, because I think she sometimes exists in fanon differently to how she appears in canon and I didn’t want to just assume I knew her speech patterns based on reading a lot of fanfiction about her, but also because Hermione, unlike Ron, doesn’t have her existential crisis within canon but probably (I suspect) has a post-war reckoning that speaks on insecurities and traumas that do occur within the canon text. So if I’m looking at Hermione struggling to relate to the student body, I need to go back to the canon text and find moments where some of those dynamics were already starting to come into play (eg. Hermione not getting Quidditch, Hermione’s responses to Neville telling them what life was like under the Carrows, Hermione’s relationship with other girls in her year eg. Lavender and Parvati).  

Relatedly: look at how characters that are similar to each other react to certain scenarios if you don't have enough evidence of how one character might behave. I decided with Beasts that, while Harry and Ginny are not the same person, they are characters that often react in certain situations similarly, so if I don’t have an example of how Ginny herself would respond to a certain situation (eg. injury in Quidditch), I can use Harry’s response as a bit of a guide for what Ginny would be like. That scene in chapter two where Harry and Ginny discuss her going back to Hogwarts actually borrows lines from Dumbledore and Harry’s conversation in the purgatory King’s Cross after Harry’s ‘death’ - ‘I have to go back, don’t I?’ ‘That’s up to you’ - because although Ginny deciding to go back to Hogwarts is not exactly the same as the decision Harry makes not to ‘go on’, it seemed there were enough analogies with it that I could borrow little lines and colour from that scene. (I have a bit of a cop-out dumb joke to myself in this scene - Harry saying to Ginny ‘we’re the same’ is me nodding to swapping out two very similar protagonists).

Play the ‘there’s a pigeon in the living room’ game. There’s lots of different versions of this exercise for improving characterisation, but I like this one: if this character woke up tomorrow, went into their living room and found a pigeon in it, what would they do? How would they respond? Would they scream/swear/laugh/calmly acknowledge the situation? How would they physically respond - would they try to get the pigeon out, if so how would they physically try to do that? What words could you use for how their body would move in the space while they tried to, say, open a window, or shoo it out the door? Would they call someone to help, if so, who, and why? What would they say, and how would they say it? It's such a stupid game but I do really find it helpful to better inhabit the character, especially if the character is very different from you as the author.

Good characterisation means trying to get everyone right. The trouble sometimes with fanfiction writing is that we have our main character as someone that we love and want to write about, and then harness all other characters in the service of our main character’s personal development. But that’s not really how real people behave - people rarely walk around thinking all day every day about one specific main-character person they know, lol (I always think of the bits in Inception where everyone starts looking at the person in the dream…) Strong characterisation means having at least a working understanding of what motivates every character that interacts with the main character in the fic, that thinks about how both characters perceive their relationship, and how their behaviours and the things they say might change based on who they’re talking to. Characterisation is deeply relational, and very much about how characters react or respond in a way that’s highly specific and contextual. It just takes a lot of really boring slog work of figuring how characters’ typical sentence structures, their body language, their thought-processes, who they gravitate towards, the kind of arc or change they are capable of. It’s important not to come in with judgement, and from a place of wanting to understand and empathise with a character. (It's why I don't really write characters I don't fully understand or 'get' - I'd do a horrible job!)

The last thing I want to say is that the best advice I ever received is pretentious and cloying but true: it's to know your gift. You say you find your own writing ‘irritatingly juvenile’. But in even asking a question like the one you’ve asked, you’ve shown you’re clearly a thoughtful, curious and creative person - and thoughtful, curious and creative people will always produce writing that other people will get something out of. I’ll bet your writing has real strengths, some that you don’t even see and others that actually (at least I hope!) you recognise and that you’re really proud of. This doesn’t mean you can’t develop new skills or improve or challenge yourself. But starting any process of improvement by clearly identifying what you’re good at (knowing your gift), figuring out why you’re good at it, thinking about how best to showcase it and believing you have a right to show this talent or skill is really important. I know this is excruciating to do but I really recommend making a little list of things and starting from this point of acknowledging you have stories to tell and ways of telling them that other people will admire and benefit from you sharing with them. You'll never actually want to improve if you come from a place of being horrible to yourself as a writer. What you do has worth, and wanting to improve is a journey we're all on, just trying to find ways to better share what we have and have it mean something to someone else who comes across it.

[psychewritesbs]

Thanks so much for sharing your metas @theanimepsychologist , I learn a lot of things from you...

Sorry for just realizing it now, that you are the writer of one of my favorite 'Soul Eater' meta ever from a few years ago (love it so much).

Now I found your blog again through your JJK metas (new fan here, just got to JJK fandom last year)....

Can I ask something, do you think SatoSugu is queerbaiting? What do you think about Gojo and Geto's relationship as romantic subtext?

(Sorry if you don't ship them, it's just, I want to know objective pov like you that neither love nor hate Gojo and Geto as characters).

If I ask these questions to SatoSugu shipper or anti SatoSugu (Gojo/Geto hater) both of those groups are subjective to their likes and dislikes...

But if you don't want to talk about it, I understand, sorry if I ask too much.

Also, just want to tell you, one of the main reason why I entered the fandom, is because of stsg. The fan arts and fan fictions for SatoSugu are amazing....But I love JJK more and understand more about the story & characters are thanks to you @theanimepsychologist (Sorry again if my main reason for entering JJK fandom is because of shipping).

Well this is awkward... I've since changed my username and perplexed moots and followers alike because of it.

Anyways, is stsg queerbaiting???? HMMMMM let's taco'bout it under the cut.

I think the ship in the manga walks a very fine line between queerbaiting and whatever the opposite is, but imo, it is ultimately not queerbaiting. More about this in a little bit.

If I'm honest though, if we go by the strict definition of queerbaiting as a "marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but do not depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ+ representation," the anime feels by contrast queerbaity.

I say this because MAPPA seems to be very aware it is catering to a very specific target audience...

Like... did they have to go this hard with Nanami?

Similarly, they took creative decisions that were very openly supportive of stsg as a ship while still remaining somewhat ambiguous to all of the people who do not see the romantic undertones.

In other words, MAPPA goes out of their way to make certain aspects of the story more obvious, which can feel like it is very intentionally speaking to an audience that would enjoy such changes.

Honestly tho, I LOVED the creative liberties that the anime took in general.

ANYWAYS.

My thoughts on stsg... I've actually talked about how I do like this ship before. I used to be on camp "they're just friends" and came around because I saw the vision and now I can't unsee it. But the fact that I had to be shown the vision in order to "get it" makes me feel like you have to see the ship through a certain lens in order to appreciate it romantically.

Thing is that I personally find it dissatisfying that a ship is presented to me in little "hints" and "clues" rather than through the dynamic itself. Which is where the queerbaiting allegations come in.

HOWEVER, to me, knowing how Gege writes by subverting tropes, the "queerbaiting" hints are very intentionally placed in the manga to say "these two were lovers" as opposed to doing it for "marketing purposes".

Personally, I much prefer Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle's kurofai because the clues are hidden in the dynamic and their emotional behavior to one another.

Compared to stsg, I can only read romantic subtext in two or three canon stsg panels, but I'm also not sure if it's because of Gege's skill level, lesser focus on emotional intimacy, idk...

That's how I see it at least. And I honestly respect anyone who doesn't think of them as lovers because, again, the ship is somewhat hidden in clues, not in the dynamic. And say a stsg fan reads this, they could very well think "is she blind?!"

And this is where we get into post-modernism and jjk's main theme: no one owns the objective truth. You are reading jjk through your very own unique lens, and any meaning you make out of jjk is always filtered through that lens. Trying to say your truth is absolute is basically power scaling.

At one point or another someone has to agree to disagree.

So yeah, you'll hear me say this bit about not owning the ultimate truth a lot.

Anon, thank you so much for the kind comments 🥲. I am so happy to hear you loved my Soul Eater write up and that you've ran into my jjk rambles too.

Honestly, I love writing about my favorite ships and nothing makes me sadder than the state of shipping in jjk fandom because people won't just mind their own business about who should be shipped with whom.

As a side note, I've been brainrotting about atsumei recently. Might actually write about the breadcrumbs because these two move me the way some of my absolute favorite ships, soma, asucaga, and kurofai move me.

Anyways I'VE RAMBLED WHY DID NO ONE STOP ME?, it looks like you are feeling worried about my thoughts on you starting to read jjk because of stsg. I say it is a wonderful thing that you started reading it and found enjoyment in it.

Thanks for reaching out, and as per usual I apologize on taking forever to answer asks... I have like 50 and I do try to answer most of them.

[sothischickshe]

OMG you did it!! You broke the way I feel about fanfiction down to its bare essentials! 🥰❣️

Hey sweetie! 😘👋

I haven't been feeling especially cogent of late, so it's nice to know something I waffled resonates, or indeed makes vague sense firstly <3 and I agree with you, or me, or both -- I'm generally sooo happy to suspend my disbelief in fiction re plot (and am a big fan of high jinks!). I'm not sweating the deets if the payoff is worth it, and that goes extra much re ff.

Whereas sacrificing characterisation, especially in ff, can make me feel very :/ :/ :/ :/ yknow. I'm actually reasonably willing to suspend my disbelief re it too if that's set up well eg 'this is a story set several years in the future where theyve sorted a lot of their issues out offscreen' or 'this is an au where the characters have much better communication skills cos I the author find that concept interesting'. or 😋gimme the plot somehow achieving that -- yea they're pumped full of truth serum! Stuck together in hiding for ages till they've nothing left to do but snap at each other! Forced by a third party to go to counselling bc their bs is pissing everyone else off! Ofc characterisation isn't static -- so much of the delight of stories can be in characters finally learning to change or make different decisions to usual, or indeed in them seeing each other in atypical situations which shake them out of established patterns of behaviour, but that's precisely why I typically want to see or at least understand some of that journey!

Obvi there's going to be subjectivity (and indeed canon inconsistencies!) with regards to characterisation, and I appreciate that not everyone wants the same thing from stories generally (and poss especially from ff, which can often be abt attempting to ~fix the source material) but ultimately if the ff characters have little resemblance beyond name and appearance to the canon ones I find it difficult to see the appeal. For me, the joy of ff, and espec the ~fixing approach, lies in honouring those characters. Espec cos it does feel that the established playgroundness of ff/fandom more generally/arguably the written medium's freedom vs the need to show things in visual media allows for frankly just FUN handwaving re plot beats! Like I will happily take a single sentence (or indeed a metatextual note!) to explain where we're at or how we got there, it doesn't need to be overdeveloped that's fine, I'm happy to strap in and indulge! But if it feels like the author just doesn't like the canon character(s) and wishes them to be entirely different, eh, not for me I guess :/

[dandyshucks]

hiii dandy !! i wanted to ask, what do you think you and guzma would do post-canon after the events of sun & moon ? (i might have asked this before - if i have, i apologize..) (i also wanted to say that its been really cool seeing ur progress on ur plush!! it seems so hard, so you having that skill is rly admirable and i wish u lots of luck w finishing it!!) (@dmclr)

CLARA HI i hope u (and dimitri hehe) are doing well :] !!! wah thank u for the question, u havent asked it before dw !!! 

OKAY SO admittedly I mostly only know the story through reading Guz’s wiki page a few times (teehee) and through osmosis from the general fandom dsgjkl, i want to play the game one day and maybe read the manga, and I’ve watched the anime eps he’s featured in and that’s all i’m watching of that LOL. I haven’t actually experienced much of his story (or su/mo in general) first-hand myself though fdsjkl

answer below the cut because.... the rambler's curse got me LOL

after the events of su/mo, I don’t think he’d actually disband Team Skull because… what is the point of that honestly LOL, so Team Skull stays together in MY version of the world hehe. they’re required to do community service to make up for whatever shenanigans they get up to, but they stop stealing pokemon and move onto just like… graffiti and casual pranks and stuff. they still cause trouble, but it’s mostly mischief now rather than any actual crime. I set them up to work on murals for shop owners around the islands so they can spraypaint and be artistic that way rather than randomly tagging walls and getting into trouble for it fjdskl. they keep their disdain for authority figures and rules because at the end of the day most of them are rowdy teens who feel outcasted from society, and that’s just the way the ball rolls with them (also a certain level of that is healthy and warranted tbh). I work with Plumeria to organize events and outings (outside of community service) for the squad though, which helps give everyone healthier outlets for their energy and focus.

Hala mentors Guz to help put him onto (and keep him on) the right track, and Guz learns to appreciate the islands and their traditions a bit - even if he still doesn’t agree with all of them. Part of that mentorship is also sort of therapy (in a more holistic naturally-occurring way rather than like... clinical therapist sitting with patient), so trauma gets unpacked and healthier ways of handling emotions are learned and implemented. Also fuck the Aether Foundation HFDSJKL I keep Guz far away from Lusamine and make sure she never gets close to him again (idk what Gladion and Lillie get up to, I haven’t thought enough about them yet fsjkl). There’s a lot of healing and self-improvement and learning how to Be A PersonTM for both of us tbh!

Beyond that, it is mostly just regular Alola/island living!! Beach visits, walking around, getting ice cream and popsicles, casual battles with tourists, catching wimpods, all that sort of thing :] Also we visit Sinnoh (my home region) for half the year (i have… a whole schedule worked out for that actually LOL) so there’s that, too.

as for the plushie omg thank u sm WAUGH :D i cannot tell if it’s just because i have a weird hodge-podge skillset but i DO think it is not actually all that difficult !!! you just need a pattern for cutting the felt and then I learned the ladder stitch for hand-sewing, and it’s been very straightforward on how to sew the pieces together!! the hardest part so far has just been the hair because I have a difficult time translating 2D images to 3D reality in that way.

I just really want to encourage ppl to try their hand at new crafts and creative skills because I think it’s really fun and honestly really good for ppls well-being!! i am very passionate about making creativity accessible to people as much as possible!!! maybe i could make a tutorial or smth… the pattern I'm using is free and available on the creator’s website, and it’s genuinely not that difficult esp compared to some other things i’ve tried my hand at in the past LOL I feel like some of my paper mache projects have been more complex than this lil goober!!

THANK YOU AGAIN, AND SORRY ABOUT BECOMING THE RAMBLING RAMBLER LMAO i actually entirely rewrote this once because I wanted to shorten it and it STILL ended up this long 😭

[cutekittenlady]

Oh obvious question that I don't think I've actually seen anybody ask? How long has Ingo been in Hisui? The most common answer seems to be like three or five but I've seen longer and shorter so I'm just kinda curious what other people's answers are. I think good options are like 1, 3, 5, 7, 10, 10+. Sorry if I'm being too specific or dictate-y, I don't have a tumblr and I've just been dying to know.

It really depends on the idea, but I tend to go with Ingo being in Hisui for around 10 years or so.

The way I see it it breaks down into the following points.

Ingo looks physically older and while that can be chalked up to stress or even the idea that he fell through time later in life, I still think it's a point worth considering. Between the bags under his eyes, his hunching shoulders, and his hair loss I think we're looking at the combination of natural aging and stress. Of course, I don't consider him elderly. I mean, the youngest Id be willing to buy is maaaaybe in his late 30s if he's a victim of early onset male pattern baldness, but I honestly think he's more likely in his early 40s bare minimum.

Ingos position in the pearl clan is a decent argument that's he's been there for awhile in my opinion. I don't think most of the clan would've been cool with an outsider as a warden if Ingo hadn't first spent a looong time being the helpful resident weirdo and consistently proving he kicks ass (in pokemon battling). I mean, he'd have had to prove he was trustworthy, contributed to the village significantly by learning skills and doing work, building up connections, learning the religious and cultural traditions of the clan, and of course training up a team tough enough that the pearl would've let him become warden. A lotta folks get around this by headcanoning that sneasler picked Ingo herself, but while that's a cool idea and I love it, there's no guarantee that's what took place or even if it would have been enough to get him the job.

This points tied in with the second one in the fact that Ingo wasn't exiled alongside the MC in the game. Now a lot can and has been said about that particular plot point, but it remains that the whole reason the MC gets thrown out is because at the time of the endgame it had been, at most, a year and even if they did all that stuff they still hadn't been around long enough to not be considered a stranger. The fact that we never hear anything about Ingo getting exiled says to me that he's been a member of the pearl clan long enough to not catch any of the same suspicion.

And finally, I just straight up think it makes for a more interesting concept. I mean Ingo being in Hisui for so long is sad, yes, but it opens a lot of very fun and interesting possibilities surrounding regaining his memories, going back to Unova, reuniting with his brother, etc. One of my fave ideas that I rarely see explored is the idea that all the time travel creates an age difference between the twins. I like the particular flavor of Ingo REALLY becoming Emmets big brother and how that potentially changes their dynamic. Or the concept of lost time; when exactly does Ingo get sent back? How much time does he lose or gain? What are the consequences of this?

Tbh I feel like folks are resistant to the idea of I go being older because they don't particularly favor angst and this idea is just too sad. Which, fair strokes, is fine. This is fandom after all. Id be lying if I said my views on this aren't heavily influenced by what I think would be fun to write/read. But it really doesn't have to be all angst. Ingo coming to terms with his time displacement and still appreciating all the friends and connections he made in Hisui, can be a beautiful way to explore the story.

But anyway I wrote this on a phone at 4 am so sorry if it's incoherent.

[mareenavee]

15, 17, and 20!

HI TOPSY!!! AHH. Thank you for taking the time to ask these! I appreciate it!

Fandom Positivity asks from this game here.

15. A topic you never get tired of discussing.

Oh I feel like you knew what I was going to say. I mean there's A LOT about TES that I'd happily chatter over but let's focus on my favorite first.

✨ Weird Magic Shit ✨

To prevent myself from absolutely rambling about this, because I absolutely will given the time and space, I will simply outline what I mean when I say this. There have been a number of ways spells have changed for the series over time. So in fic, we are really free to change the perception of spellcraft and magic in whatever ways we see fit, pulling from lore sources or the game mechanics, or whatever we want. I spend a lot of time thinking -- well, what if a spell could work differently? Is it too far out of canon compliance to make sense? If so, why? And how do we tie it back in a specific way that allows the reader to suspend their disbelief just for a bit? How can a caster's skill affect how they perceive magic or make use of it? What cultural aspects affect how magic is learned or utilized? How does magic and language connect? Are they one and the same? etc, etc.

All of it comes back to the fact that magic is inherently weird and also a huge, huge part of TES. So I'm happy to twist it and warp it out of shape, because it seems there's so much not told in the source material. Early on I did also write a smol post with some super basic ideas on it, and not every aspect of what I am working with is on that post -- but it's there. :> And I'm always happy to discuss weird magic things.

Actually, messing with magic starts pretty early on with World and continues throughout, like, every fic I write. It's a big deal. I'm always here for talking about how I work with it and how others headcanon weird magic shit. (:

17. Something you love that you don’t often share because you’re worried what others will think?

Hm! Well this is interesting because I am very transparent with the kind of fandom participation I work with LOL I don't really generally worry per se what others will think of my taste in fanfic or fanart because at the end of the day, people can scroll past me if they don't prefer to engage with what I'm yelling about. I've been lucky in this regard that most of my mutuals will also yell about similar things.

I'm trying to think of things recently I've read and loved that I would worry about discussing --

Oh! I know. One thing which is really more of an unpopular opinion than anything. I love to dunk on the Nerevoryn ship, but the ✨Morrowind Fic Writers✨ who lean heavily into this give me pause sometimes with how adamant their commentary can be LOL. So I'm not about to write out my unpopular opinions. Because it's very much not like that for me with fandom. Like I want to have a discussion about the merits of the writing or story, not cause chaos in the comments section by posting "lol okay then, you do you" right lol. I find it to be sort of a waste of time to be negative toward others on the internet and I don't want to invite others to waste their time being negative to me because of how funny I find this ship generally speaking. (Please know most of the humor comes with me hearing Voryn/Dagoth Ur's voice as it was in Morrowind while I'm reading. It is a thing I cannot help.) I suppose sometimes in general I'll read this ship for funsies? To be perfectly fair, I don't mind the ship. I just haven't encountered much content for it that isn't absolutely absurd to my eye. (And sometimes even if it is absurd, it's in the best possible way.) Perhaps it's not that I worry about what others will think. It's more that I just don't have a lot of opinions that aren't jokes I think. LOL (For the record, smut/pwp also has this effect. It'll be funny to me most of the time, unless it's well written then I'm just like good for ya'll and move on.) I am simply not the intended audience for that, or, unfortunately, the majority of Nerevoryn ship content. And that's totally okay.

20. Give kudos to someone who is a devoted fan (either of your own works or others’)

MORE KUDOS! I wanted to give a huge shoutout here to @changelingsandothernonsense who has been reading World since the very beginning, version one, challenge mode, me posting every day and cutting content left and right, and also skipping editing phases. She knows SO MUCH about the story upcoming and has been following along with the revision. Not only that, but keyboard smashing with me in my DMs and reading snippets that nobody else has gotten to see so far. AH and it's been such a joy and an inspiration. We chat every day pretty much about fandom things. Thank you for being a fandom bestie and for your enthusiasm. 🫂 I could say so much more LOL. I appreciate all the effort and all the shenanigans. And most of all, I appreciate getting the chance to talk not only about World, but also about Danger!Josh. :>

[faroreswinds]

Some anon asks that are spoilers for Engage:

In Zephias case they also portray Griss who is loyal to her as sympathetic as well, and he’s just as bad as her too. So it at least applies to both. Also more than anything what she wanted was a child of her own, and Sombron promised to get her pregnant which would definitely backfire since she wants a child to love and Sombron has *Checks Notes* Zero love for his kids and sees them as disposable pawns and they exist in service of him for conceiving them.

Lol yeah, I saw that stuff. 

Some weird writing there. Although I like the idea of an evil lady who wants to have evil babies with someone she admires, I don’t think the overall writing for this particular character is very good. 

Especially since she still has the “whoops, I’m actually sympathetic!” part of her.

You know, maybe I'm expecting too much of the fe-fandom here but with Nemesis being the "dark emblem" of fe3h maybe Nemesis/Agarthan apologists will finally shut up.

Nah, but I like the optimism, anon!

Unfortunately, we are looking at a sunk cost issue here. People for years have written essays about Why Rhea Is Evil, Actually, and that typically includes the conclusion that Nemesis is Misunderstood TM. 

That will never go away. Look at the occasional conversation about Arvis! 

Alear: Time to rub again- Oh. Edelgard: What's the matter? Alear: I was hoping for Dimitri again. Edel: Not available. So- Alear: Bye. Claude: Told he didn't like you. Dimitri: Well better you than me. I think they're too into the rubs when I show up. Edel: Whatever. That lizard doesn't know what it takes to protect the world. Other rings: *Crowd laughter* Leif: Yeah, no. As someone on the run who mugged soldiers for supplies, kiss my ass "Flame Emperor". Sigurd: It's funny because that's Arvis.

I'm sorry if this spoils Engage for you, it's okay if you don't want to answer.

I'd like to know what you think about this joke Edelgard tells Alear in the exploration dialogue.

JP: https://twitter.com/Heavenly_harpe/status/1616704534189047808 EN: https://twitter.com/GBooAdvance/status/1616866763022663682

I used google translator for JP's text, however it just gave me the feeling that EN mitigated her aggressiveness.

Nah, don’t worry anon. I’m not protecting myself from spoilers at all. 

I think I agree with you. The English says

“You never abuse your authority, Divine One. I appreciate that about you.”

But the Japanese says:

神竜は、人々を不当に支配したりはしないのね。 良かった・・・あなたとは仲良くすることができそうよ。

“So (the) Divine Dragon does not rule unfairly over people. Good. I think I can get along with you.” 

The general idea is still the same. Alear doesn’t abuse their power over people, which Edelgard likes. 

But the English loses some of the nuance. Edelgard does appreciate it in the Japanese, but it’s more like since Alear isn’t abusing her power, Edelgard believes they can get along. 

This is more in-line with her character imo, although the Japanese comments on this tweet do not seem to agree. Edelgard doesn’t like it when people abuse their power, although she does herself but that’s another story. She does believe in just rule, it’s just a matter of how that just rule looks. 

As for the Japanese comments on the matter, the OP says this:

エーデルガルトはこんなこと言わない

“Edelgard would never say this.”

With varying comments saying things like “She’s acting since she’s still in her school clothes”, “She’s showing off her skills that she learned from Claude”, “I’m worried about how the Divine Dragon Tribe is treated”, and one person showing a screenshot of Edelgard saying that since Flayn is a dragon, she cannot hold any power over the people - therefore, the OG Edelgard denies Dragons. 

These commenters do have a point. While it is in-line for Edelgard to appreciate those who do not abuse power, she is still very much opposed to anyone but humans ruling over humans. It’s part of her mantra. 

I would argue, though, that this isn’t really Edelgard. These Emblem versions are mere shadows of their OG selves, so there is some wiggle room in how they can be portrayed. Plus, like... Edelgard is a very unique lord, in that she was a lord designed to betray you. That’s part of the twist of her character. But she has to stand in-line with heroes like Marth, Lucina, Erika, etc, who are the archetypes that are meant to stand against her. 

That’s not very marketable for a game centered around summoning past characters on the good-guy side. 

[thechaoscryptid]

All the even numbers in the ask game.

(ask me writer things!)

Bless you I always get to ramble a lot with your questions and I appreciate it 😭❤️

2. What did not go well this year? How do you feel about it, and what positive thing did you learn from it?

Everything tbh lmao. I immediately encountered some health issues in the beginning of this year that made and have continued to make life difficult, and then my job really has been fucking me since August, so it's been...a fun year (and by fun, I of course mean...fucked). I haven't gotten much writing at all done and what I have written hasn't been Great and Inspired.

The positive is that even though I haven't been able to sit down and write, I have had the time to sit down and really consider where exactly I want to go from here, and what being a writer means to me. I came out the other side of that conversation knowing that I probably won't be real active in fandom writing spaces anymore - my focus has shifted to original works, and that's okay!

I've also been able to sit down and do some learning about writing as a craft vs just going to town on my work and picking things up as I go along. I'm really excited to start working through the DIY MFA podcast/program in earnest this upcoming year!

4. What is your favorite line you wrote this year?

"Peace does fuck all for a man with no food in his belly and no money in his pockets," Felix says. He turns and grabs her shoulders, staring deep into her eyes as his nose wrinkles. "Fighting and fucking are the two most honest ways to make a living, no matter what you and your ivory towers think. Lucky for me, I've always been good at both." // That Bright and Bitter Dawn, published in Queer for the New Year

6. Did you make any new writeblr friends? Give a shout out! If not, it's time to praise one of your old besties.

Yes and he's asked me these lovely questions 😎

8. What are three things you're looking forward to next year?

I mentioned the DIY MFA podcast earlier, but I'm really really looking forward to making my way through that and am very excited to learn

Drafting the first novel in the trilogy I've been picking at for years now

Taking a break. "But Alex," you say, "you've just told us you're drafting a novel!" Yes but I'm not forcing it. Writing and fandom has been my fyperfixation for AGES now and I'm finally...really.......slowing.............down, and I'm jazzed as hell to step back to a more reasonable pace and actually have a little bit of a life again, maybe.

10. Which character(s) turned out differently from what you planned? How so?

Moira Ewing actually really surprised me, but in a way that absolutely should not have lmao. I'd originally conceptualized her as this sunny, happy-go-lucky Nephilim character, but when I sat down to actually start writing her, she grew out of the girl next door and into a person whose ruthless and relentless pursuit of good/justice hurts the people around her.

12. If your character(s) had their own new years resolutions, what would those be?

I'll pick my faves for this, and absolutely none of these are from the same year/time period lmao

Felix: pick up new sword skills, make peace with his magic, be a little kinder

Kestra: Learn to whittle

Kascha: Find Ilyn (and if she can't do that, take down Barehost alone)

14. What would be your top three used sentences?

Oh dear I genuinely don't know but they definitely involve:

equating winter to a big-toothed animal

something about love being there/finding solace even if things aren't perfect

something pietic about a blood-red sunrise

[flydotnet]

WHUMPTOBER 2023, DAY 13: “It comes and goes like the strength in your bones.”

Cold Compress | Infection | “I don’t feel so good.”

I suppose the HSAU Taro and AkeJun fics aren't my only annual fic - "Matsuyama gets a wound infected and Yoshiko has to wrestle that out of him" is another. 2021 had my first CT fic, "Little Things", serve as a fill for "Infected Wound". 2022 had "Helping Hand", another challenge fic which was a take on traditional H/C, but make it my OTP. And now 2023 has this fic! Wowie kazoowie, mental illness never stops!

I did swerve a bit on the formula by setting this a year after both LT and HH (…not Hungry Heart)... so that's something, I guess?

Okay, more seriously, the quote prompt was just prime MatsuYoshi material, I couldn't resist. Also, it's Friday, and around here we do F/M Fridays sometimes, and Whumptober won't be an exception dammit.

I owe being on time, somehow, to rewatching some Detective Conan stuff to jolt me back awake. Life hasn't been very nice to my mental health lately, I'm afraid. Oh, and spite. Spite and not wanting to miss my chance at the bingo at the end of the month! Nice carrots to have.

-----------------

Fragile in the Rough

Summary: Matsuyama has a confession to make; not of love, but of weakness. It does have a similar level of intimacy, at least.

Fandom: Captain Tsubasa

Word Count: 1.2K words

AO3 version available here.

---------------------

There are things you learn throughout your life for which it’s worth sucking up your pride and ask for someone else’s help. There’s improving yourself when just doing it on your own isn’t cutting it anymore. There’s asking for help when it involves someone other than you and your skills or knowledge isn’t enough.

And there’s admitting when you’re not doing well. It takes a bold amount of trust in whoever you need to tell that too, a good assessment of one’s limits and – most painfully – an admission of vulnerability that’s not easy for everyone.

The thing is, right now, that’s exactly when he needs to do, but he can’t do it; yet this isn’t even a matter of pride.

He’d guess, for some, it’d be a gigantic bruise to their ego they may never recover from – but for him, it’s not. How do you expect a good team captain to consider admitting to your weaknesses something to be ashamed of? None of your teammates will ever tell you what’s wrong with them if they read on your face disdain and shame about it. Even just for their sake, upholding such a senseless sense of pride wouldn’t be of any use – quite the opposite.

But this isn’t a matter of pride. He isn’t above admitting he needs help. He has before and he will do it until he dies, that’s just how being a human is. He isn’t stupid enough not to know that nor too proud not to recognize that, actually, today’s difficult on him and he’s tired.

He just hates worrying people, man. Every single time he’s unwell, he sees the weight it puts on the shoulders of those who care about him and the way it drags their faces down. He sees how his friends will drop what they’re doing, ask if he’s fine, and never be able to fully focus back on what they were doing before that. All of it, he hates it, because he isn’t worth distracting yourself. He can take care of himself without any issue… most of the time.

A leader has to take on himself, sometimes – well, in his case, it’s most of the time. He treats colds like he’d treat small scrapes and handles it all on his own. The leader, however, is also the one who serves as an example, and for all of his unwillingness to worry people, there’s also an undeniable feeling that he can’t let his teammates follow in his footsteps, in this instance…

Well, if he’s come to this conclusion, it’s ironically because his brain’s much too fuzzy to properly work on anything and the guys have noticed. Oda has said multiple times he’d take care of his workload and he’s noticed Kato very unsubtly assume a role as assistant coach. Neither of them is slick, but he appreciates it, no matter how much his sense of responsibilities and duty is barking at him to get back to work, not to let anyone worry about him.

Not to mention, there’s nobody he wants to confess this crap to. Who even has time for that? He’s supposed to streamline the team’s efforts, not add onto the pile. A pair of hands is never too much around here, not when there’s snow to shovel away and strategies to brainstorm. All in all, no, there’s nobody he should be telling this stuff about.

Well… that’s not entirely accurate. There is one person he’d be willing to talk to about this. Unfortunately, it happens to be the one person he’d rather not worry at all, because of all people he knows, she’s the one who’s plenty concerned for him already on a good day, perhaps even more so than his parents because she isn’t too used to him yet.

Fujisawa has become perhaps not the centre of his life, but saying she’s half his heart is pretty accurate. The fact they’re even both dating is somewhat of a miracle, because he’s rough and while she’s solid as steel, she’s also soft to the touch and not the sort who likes rubbing elbows and getting dirty. He does love the parts of her who will get her hands dirty and do it, fix what needs to be fixed, without a complaint. Oh, that’s part of why he doesn’t want to burden her with worry, her natural compassion, her strive to take care of issues and the inability to speak of her feelings if she feels they’d also be a burden… (They’re kind of made for each other, in that sense, huh?).

But you know what his parents have always told him? That a husband and a wife are always here for each other – and if they’re not married (they’re sixteen, give them some time dammit)

So there he is, inside the clubroom, holding onto an aching arm that’s not stopped causing him issues for a couple days – hey, maybe it’s part of the issue, actually.

“Hey, Fujisawa,” he says without any real intonation.

She turns around almost immediately, the unhappy expression on her face all but confirming she has noticed something was off before he could even tell her about it.

“Oh, it’s you, Matsuyama,” she greets him. “What can I do for you?”

“Can I… ask you something a bit private?”

The flush that comes to her face, oh so quickly, is beyond endearing. He’s really down bad, but also, isn’t that the point?

“Of course.”

He gets closer to her, to the point where he can start counting her hairs.

“See, I’m a bit, uh… I’m a bit loopy, today.” Yeah that sounds accurate. “By that, I mean, uh… I don’t feel so good.”

He’s pretty sure confessing his feelings to her was less difficult. Even now, he doesn’t really want any of this.

“I thought you were feeling off,” she replies in a tendre tone. “Can I take your rtemperature to check something?”

“Oh, sure, go for it.”

He expects her to get a thermometer from the first-aid kit under the desk; but all she does is tiptoe to his height, push his hair out of the way and put a hand on his forehead. The contact is enough to make him have to repress a chill – it’s not a bad feeling, far from it, just a little overwhelming.

“You do have a fever, I’m pretty sure,” she tells him as she recovers her normal footing.

“Ah, crap, that doesn’t sound good.”

Her eyes slide to his left arm.

“Is your wound not getting any better?”

“Ah, uh… No, it doesn’t seem to. I dunno why, maybe I’ve done something wrong when I dressed it….?”

“Can I check it?”

“Oh, sure! Sure.”

He tends his arm so she can easily unwrap the bandage… or try to, because as it turns out, she has trouble taking off his skin, the damn fabric sticking to the wound. There’s fresh blood just peeking through the worst of it and the stench – oh, he forgot how much this thing stinks.

“It’s gotten infected,” she verbally recoils as she announces it. “That’d explain your fever pretty well…”

He forgot to disinfect the thing the other day. Goddammit, that didn’t sound too hard to do too.

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.”

Fujisawa frets a little, looking around, before settling on him back again.

“Can you sit down, please? I’ll take care of it, but I need you to sit still as I do.”

“No worries.” He takes a seat right where she needs him to be. “You’re sure you don’t mind, though? I could do that myself or just ask the nurse.”

“No, it’s fine, I’ve learned to do it. Plus…” She blushes again, right as she opens the first-aid kit. “I want to do it for you.”

“Then go for it.” He watches her prepare the operation with undenied fondness in his eyes. “Thank you so much, Fujisawa.”

“Don’t fret it. Now, I apologize, but it’s going to sting a little…”

A dab of water on the wound just to wash it does remind him to be more careful, next time.

[taylor-swiftfacts]

Taylor Swift Facts turns 10!

(Photo: the oldest header I could find on the Wayback machine, from early 2013)

My fellow Swifties,

Today is the 10-year anniversary of the date I posted the very first SwiftFact. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been by my side for this amazing journey. This blog has never been just a blog for me - it's been a source of connection, of fun, of support, of appreciation for Taylor and her music.

I began TSF when I was 13, using my home computer. My family had gone through some financial difficulties and, at the time, I didn't even have internet access. I would bring my little USB to the library, save my facts on a Word document, and save the corresponding pictures. I'd go home and make my little posts. I really had no concept of graphic design at the time, so my older posts are honestly quite ugly, but hey. I just wanted to share the information!

I think this blog actually helped me figure out I wanted to be a journalist. I often tell people that I got my degree in journalism because I love learning about things and sharing them with others. That's what I've done here for a decade! Getting the right quotes, deciding which information is most important, even using the inverted pyramid of journalism. I honed a lot of those skills here.

Not to mention, the community that has been here for me. I won't belabor you with my life story, but I used to be quite open about my family struggles on here, and the outpouring of support was always so touching. Some of you even donated money when my family was in need, which is so beautiful and something we all still talk about from time to time. And when my mom passed away, I wasn't posting as frequently, but you all showed me so much love and support anyways. Even though I wasn't giving you much, you gave me everything.

I exchanged Christmas cards for a couple years with tons of you, which made me feel infinitely less lonely. I stopped due to some mental health struggles, but I still have all of your cards, and I see that as a highlight of not only this blog, but of my life. There has been so much real human connection fostered with this little fan blog I created on a whim. I am so grateful.

The craziest thing that has come out of this blog - barring Taylor's follow and even a couple of likes - is the fact that VividSeats gave me tickets to the 1989 tour in 2015. That is one of the top 10 experiences of my life, and I believe it always will be. I can't even express how much that means to me. And maybe I still put the review I wrote for their site on my resume. ;)

All of this is to say, this blog has been an integral part of my growing and changing. Some of my past personal posts on here make me cringe. Some of the facts I would not publish today as the fandom culture has shifted significantly. I learned and grew with this blog. Despite some of the controversy - I feel some people have never liked my blog - the love has kept me going. I am so grateful for every ounce of support anyone here has ever given me.

I apologize for posting sporadically the last few years. Life happens, and I have significantly different priorities than I did in 2012 - I assume we all do - but the reason I've kept posting at all is because I enjoy it. You make it enjoyable. That being said, I'll try my best to get some posts out just in celebration of Midnights and the whirlwind of Taylor content we've gotten the last few years. Even though social media moves so quickly these days, and the format of my blog isn't quite conducive to that anymore, I hope we can all enjoy it. Like the good old days. :)

Even writing all of this, I feel like I can't even begin to express how special this journey has been. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who has ever supported me in any way.

Grace

[gffa]

Last time I went about five months between doing a set of STAR WARS fic recs, this time it’s only been three months! Hurrah! It helps that, as always, this fandom puts out an incredible amount of excellent fic, so I feel like I’m never hurting for fics I want to yell about and shove at people, which is something I continue to appreciate as it often feels like so much of the world is such a huge tire fire. It helps to be able to find fics to retreat into, to have fun with, to express joy and creativity with, and so many of the authors in this fandom are just so good at this! To the point that these sets sometimes take awhile because there are always more fics I want to add, until the post starts threatening to be overly long instead of a decent length–in my defense, no seriously, you guys are just too good! Also, I forced myself to stop at 69 fic recs, because yes I do think it’s funny. (Nice.) STAR WARS FIC RECS: PREQUELS RECS: ✦ a comedy in four acts by jesuisdeux, obi-wan & dooku & yoda & qui-gon & cast, time travel, 4k    This was what time-travel is: staring at the dark sockets of skulls everywhere your gaze lands on. Being haunted by ghosts long gone. The apprehension of the slow yet sure approach of the inevitable which is sending chills down your spine. ✦ No Rest for the Weary by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & jedi & ocs, 61k    Needing a break from life at the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan Kenobi and his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker, visit a Jedi AgriCorps settlement on the Midrim planet of Helia. There they encounter new friends, new enemies and have new adventures, all while attempting to navigate their sometimes turbulent relationship as Master and Padawan. ✦ Stars of Tatooine by Be_Right_Back, ahsoka & kanan & mace & rex & obi-wan & cast, 10.5k    After the end of the world, Ahsoka more or less kidnaps a child, has to air some old grievances, and tries to find whatever peace the universe can still offer. All paths in the Force lead home, eventually. ✦ Festival of Light by dendral, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & rex & cast, 8.7k    During his first year at the Jedi Temple, Anakin learns that even the Jedi celebrate holidays. ✦ the master, the padawan, the Force by skatzaa, depa & caleb, 1.4k    Caleb expects things to be different after Master Depa takes him as her padawan, but really, it feels like nothing really changes. ✦ desecrate my lungs by loosingletters, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & padme & cast, 16k wip    Time-travel fix-it in which Mustafar haunts Anakin decades after it happened and years before it would. ✦ Grace by dismantlingsummer, obi-wan & anakin, 2.3k    Shortly after Mustafar, Anakin realizes what he has done. He finds Obi-Wan to beg for death. ✦ Fifth Migration by wrennette, yoda & mace & obi-wan & ki-adi & yarael & coleman & plo & palpatine & cast, 2k    How about an AU where the Sith’s Grand Plan accounted for everything -everything that is, except the fact that the Jedi temple is actually an very ancient spacecraft and the second word got to the Jedi about there being clones on Kamino, all Jedi are called back inside and they take off immediately? Just imagine the dear chancellor’s face… ✦ fill pages with scribbled ink by magneticwave, obi-wan/padme & sabe & mace & quinlan & cast, 9.8k    A year after the Invasion of Naboo, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi is invited by Queen Amidala to return to Naboo and participate in a rite known as the Night of Fireflies. Things kind of snowball from there. ✦ Mind Your Words by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin, spanking, 7k    Obi-Wan reminds Anakin that there are consequences for careless behavior for young Jedi on missions. ✦ (you taught me) the courage of stars by grumpyhedgehogs, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cast, 5.1k wip    Ahsoka Tano flees after a warrant for her arrest is issued, but not before receiving aid from an unexpected ally. (Ahsoka proceeds to go on a road trip filled with a bunch of strangers who all say the same thing: Obi-Wan Kenobi is much more than he has ever appeared to be.) ✦ they faked it (guess everything’s complicated) by katierosefun, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 4.5k    Ahsoka temporarily loses memories of the events of Obi-Wan’s fake death. To help with the healing process, Anakin and Obi-Wan have to pretend that they’re okay. ✦ programed to dream by ghostwriterofthemachine, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, body horror, 1.3k    The spaceship Comet-rider is the fastest, most efficient vessel in the galaxy, and is crewed by Separatist-funded pirates. Anakin Skywalker is missing. Unfortunately, these two things are connected. ✦ Unpleasant Truths by hellowkatey, obi-wan & anakin, 2.1k    Obi-Wan and Anakin are stuck in a room with one another while waiting for truth serum to wear off. ✦ moment’s silence by skatzaa, obi-wan & owen & beru & luke & leia (pre-obi-wan/beru-owen), 2k    Owen had long since resigned himself to trouble, whenever Beru got that particularly stubborn set to her jaw. ✦ hold gently and let go by shatou, obi-wan & anakin (pre-slash?), 1.7k    A troubled Anakin comes to Obi-Wan to discuss attachments. ✦ sun child by Ro29, obi-wan & anakin, 2.1k    (or; sometimes being so tied to the Force causes problems, Obi-Wan helps his Padawan as best he can) ✦ A Dinner Out by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & cast, 1.6k    Obi-Wan can’t get his young Padawan to eat much, so he tries something new. But trying something different has unintended consequences. ✦ Shades in the Desert by loosingletters, obi-wan & anakin & luke & owen/beru, 10.8k    Not even from a certain point of view did Darth Vader kill Anakin Skywalker. He wished he did, but the specter of the Jedi’s light escaped before he could finalize his fall to the dark. Meanwhile, Anakin is raising his son on Tatooine. ✦ somewhere along in the bitterness by CallToMuster, obi-wan & anakin, major character death, 3.8k    It was probably the twelfth day floating alone in space that Obi-Wan and Anakin realized no one was coming for them. ✦ Songs for Little Jedi by soft_but_gremlin, mace & younglings, ~1k    The initiates are having nightmares, so Mace sings a lullaby to comfort them. ✦ atmosphere level by softredscrunchie, obi-wan/satine & qui-gon, 1k    As a joke, Satine tells Obi-Wan she thinks Mandalore is flat. He doesn’t take it well. ✦ on sith holocrons and misunderstandings by billowypants, obi-wan & anakin & mace & yoda & cast, de-aged!obi-wan, 7.2k    or, de-aged!Obi-Wan has the same Force bonds as adult Obi-Wan, and he does not react well. ✦ Perseverance & Resilience by loosingletters, obi-wan & anakin, 1.1k    In the aftermath of Naboo, Obi-Wan realizes he needs strength to protect his new Padawan. Growing up, Anakin needs peace. ✦ A Delicate Balance by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & yoda & jedi, spanking, 9.6k    As Anakin’s skills grow, so too does his penchant for getting into trouble. After a training mishap, Obi-Wan struggles with his role as Anakin’s master. ✦ mirror, mirror by CallToMuster, obi-wan & anakin, 5.4k    Obi-Wan has been rescued by Anakin after being rather embarrassingly kidnapped on the remote planet of Ilnuria during his investigation of rumored kyber crystals deep beneath the planet’s surface. …But is all as it seems? ✦ Mace Windu Appreciation Week by Redminibike1, mace & obi-wan & anakin & ponds & cody & jedi & cast, 12.5k    Set of unconnected ficlets for Mace Windu Appreciation Week, because he deserves it :) ✦ begin again as a quiet thought by skatzaa, obi-wan/quinlan, d/s, ~1k    Cool, smooth leather touched his jaw—gloves. Because of course Obi-Wan had thought of that as well. ✦ Drunken Lullabies by Siri_Kenobi12, obi-wan & anakin & siri & quinlan & aayla & garen & bant & ferus, 6.5k    “Do I really have to go to this thing?” Fourteen year old Anakin Skywalker dramatically sighed. “It’s sooo boring!” ✦ heaven knows how I love you by the_13th_battalion, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 1.2k    Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka are stranded on an unfamiliar planet overnight. They spend their time exploring the community- and maybe they get a little closer to each other along the way. ✦ A Reckless Padawan by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, spanking, 3.9k    When Ahsoka upsets Anakin with an act of reckless disobedience, it falls to her grandmaster to help her see the error of her ways. OBI-WAN/ANAKIN RECS: ✦ Too Hot by secretsolarsystem, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 4.8k    Too Hot: A game where two players kiss without stopping and without touching each other. If one player touches the other, that player loses. The winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser. ✦ Nostos by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin & padme, NSFW, 17k    Or, how Obi-Wan and Anakin discover that there are many ways to come home. ✦ to touch the light, darkest by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 1.9k    Obi-Wan begins to fuck Vader back to the light ✦ encode by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & padme & handmaidens & cast, 26.3k wip    Instead of being accepted into the Jedi Order at the age of 9, Anakin Skywalker became a ward of Naboo. ✦ Hunting the Homeward Light by GreenQueenofClubs, obi-wan/anakin & mace & ahsoka & shmi & padme & cast, 31.9k wip    When Anakin Skywalker was nine, he left his whole life and mother behind to follow Qui-Gon Jinn to Coruscant and the Jedi Temple. When Anakin Skywalker was twelve, he left his whole life and Master behind to follow Mace Windu to the Outer Rim and away from the Jedi Order. When Anakin Skywalker was twenty… ✦ use my body to break your fall by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 44.7k wip    Obi-Wan Kenobi is too good at being a Sith Lord general of the Separatist army. The Jedi Council approaches Anakin with an offer he can’t refuse. These things are, actually, related. ✦ Over and Over by obiwanobi, obi-wan/anakin, 1.4k    “I love you,” he blurts out, loud and impossible to miss. Obi-Wan blinks once, twice. And freezes. The first time Anakin tells him is a mortifying experience. ✦ Exceptions by rinverse, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & mace & quinlan & cast, NSFW, modern au, 23.4k    Young and brilliant, Anakin is the mind behind JEDI Tech’s latest innovation. Obi-Wan is the company’s perfectly composed Director of PR & Marketing. And last night, they were just two strangers at a bar, looking for something quick and easy. But life had other plans when it crossed their paths again the very next day. ✦ Here There Be Dragons by Ghost_Owl, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, 10.1k    Anakin knows why he can’t shift into his animal form like every other Jedi. It’s because he doesn’t want to, it’s because he’s had a vision of what he would become, and he doesn’t want it. ✦ Waiting in a Sea of Stars by Peach_Bitters (peachybitters), obi-wan/anakin, ~1k    Stranded in deep space, Obi-Wan and Anakin wait for rescue. ✦ Tristitia by JSwander, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 5k    An alternate timeline where Palpatine focuses his attentions on Obi-Wan Kenobi instead of Anakin Skywalker after the attack on Naboo. ✦ Prompted - Chapter 11: Communication, What Communication? by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, modern au, mobster au, 7k    a 7k obikin PWP that is somehow a prompt mashup of a mobster au, an accidental sugar daddy au, with a soupçon of an anakin never left tatooine au, and a pinch of qui-gon was anakin’s dad au ✦ who a person truly is cannot be seen with the eye by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, spanking, 3.6k    Anakin purposely avoids doing what Obi-Wan tells him to do. ✦ Prompted - Chapter 12: Potidaea, 432BC, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, historical au, 4.3k    Here is a short smutty scene inspired by all those classics asks, Alcibiades praising Socrates in Plato’s Symposium, and this vase c.490-480 B.C. depicting standing, face-to-face intercrural intercourse between a bearded man and a youth, which as far as we can tell was the most common and accepted position for it in Ancient Greece. ✦ Prompted - Chapter 13: Minikin and Tiny-Wan by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 5.4k    Happy May the Fourth! In honor of this happy day, I have written the fluffiest, crackiest, vanilla-flavored smut imaginable. Based on long discussions on discord with tomicaleto about her adorable Tiny AU. ✦ to hold until brightness by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 1.4k    Obi-Wan feared that it drew out the darkest in him, to bring Vader to these flashes of light, but it was a trade he would make again and again without hesitation. ✦ May Be Found, If Sought by ghostwriterofthemachine, obi-wan/anakin & mace & quinlan, magical academy au, 2.3k    In which Quinlan, Mace, and Obi-Wan teach Non-Traditional Magical Philosophy in an institution rampant with academic snobbery and discrimination, something dark is stirring in the nearby forest, and no one is ever prepared for Anakin Skywalker. A small story about first meetings in magical academia. ✦ infinitely varied by loosingletters, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, modern au, 2.2k    Also known as Obi-Wan and Anakin teach a tiny program called A.H.S.O.K.A. how to be something more than lines of code via the power of linguistics. ✦ recipe for disaster by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka, modern au, 9.8k    When Ahsoka tells Anakin she doesn’t want to learn piano anymore, Anakin is heartbroken. He doesn’t care about the instrument, obviously, but he’s practically in love with her teacher. Obi-Wan offers up a solution to their impending separation, and it’s not dating like any normal person would suggest. Instead, he’s gonna teach Anakin how to cook. Except Anakin’s a pretty well-known chef, and Obi-Wan is absolutely awful in the kitchen. ✦ Pretty Kitty by GayCheerios, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 2.2k    “Master, you always take such good care of me,” Anakin says, a little chirp coming after his sentence, as his thumb rests on Anakin’s plump bottom lip. ✦ As One, Into Eternity by Pseudonymoose, obi-wan/anakin, force ghosts, 3.1k    Death comes, but the man who was, and is, and will be Anakin Skywalker is not gone. And in the Force, he will never be alone again. ✦ does he make you laugh? by y0u_idjits, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & cast, fusion fic, 3.6k    “Tell me it’s not about screwing the guy who’s screwing your husband.” ✦ Rotten Work by secretsolarsystem, obi-wan/anakin, 2.8k    Obi-Wan: I’ll take care of you. Anakin, with bloodshot eyes and a broken back from hours of terrible posture: It’s rotten work. Obi-Wan, who needs to bathe this man for his own sanity and health: Not to me. Not if it’s you. ✦ afterimages by shatou, obi-wan/anakin, 1.3k    Mustafar is nothing but a bad dream. ✦ understanding is honoring the truth beneath the surface by RexIsMyCopilot, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 7.3k    Anakin asks Obi-Wan to take control. ✦ The strongest stars… by Tomicaleto, obi-wan/anakin & beru & cast, NSFW, 7.4k    The war’s end seems to be close, with everyone looking forward to it. And when Anakin is doubting himself the most, an unexpected visit arrives at the Temple. ✦ home has a heartbeat by izazov, obi-wan/anakin, 5.6k    Or: Anakin and Obi-Wan are together, but there are still some things left unsaid between them. ✦ turn back now (i’m haunted) by tennessoui, obi-wan/anakin & padme & quinlan & ahsoka & cast, modern au, ghosts au, 25k wip    Anakin Skywalker’s house is haunted. Luckily for him, Padmé knows a ghost hunter. Unluckily for him, it’s the hottest, most english-professor ghost hunter he’s ever seen. And extremely unluckily for him, he’s starting to get the feeling he understands maybe ten percent of what’s actually going on here, not to mention what’s at stake. ✦ game plan by treescape, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 11.2k    Or, Vader keeps capturing Obi-Wan during the Wars. Obi-Wan keeps escaping. It’s kind of a thing. ✦ Provocation by ToolMusicLover, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 4.9k    Or: Obi-Wan and Anakin attempt to navigate their complicated relationship with barbed words and wilful ignorance. It wasn’t going well. ✦ Languages by Crowgirl, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 6.5k    So Anakin pulls out a map and makes a list. REBELS RECS: ✦ The Scent of You by ambiguously, kanan/hera & cast, a smidge of nsfw, 2.9k    Everything changes after Malachor, and Kanan has trouble finding his balance. ✦ Heard It in a Love Song (Can’t Be Wrong) by ambiguously, zeb/kallus, 2.7k    Kallus can’t quite figure out what makes Zeb tick, but he keeps trying. ORIGINAL TRILOGY/MANDALORIAN RECS: ✦ A Discussion of Choices by Peppermint_Shamrock, luke & mace, 2k    Mace Windu has traveled the galaxy since the fall of the Republic, keeping out of the Empire’s sight and teaching where he can. Upon the request of a ghost of an old friend, Mace finds himself instructing Luke Skywalker, who is still reeling from the truth of Vader’s identity. ✦ staring down the barrel of the hot sun by magneticwave, luke/din & obi-wan & grogu & mace & cast, 25.7k    “Gone to a Child of the Watch, the Darksaber has,” Grand Master Yoda announces in his creaky little voice. “Peace, there is not, and yet peace, there must be.” ✦ Released by Peppermint_Shamrock, cody & rex & luke & cast, 6k    Nearly two and a half decades late, Cody’s chip is finally removed. Adjusting to having his mind returned to him after so long takes time, and Cody struggles with questions of his purpose of the past, present, and future. Fortunately, he does not have to struggle alone. ✦ A Tatooine Rainstorm by skatzaa, leia & luke & shmi, 1.7k    Leia meets a ghost. ✦ Dealing with the Darksaber by Peppermint_Shamrock, din & bo-katan & cara, 1.3k    After her recovery, Bo-Katan contacts Din to challenge him for the darksaber. Din is still very much not interested in the whole affair. FULL DETAILS + RECS HERE

[everyneji]

Tell us about Neji! Since when did you start liking him? What do you like most about him?

Anything works. I miss him so much my eyes become teary when I see him 🥺

[This is one hell of an amazing ask to receive ehe thank you very much fellow teary-eyed Neji lover.]

So I started watching the dub when it first aired, right at the start of the Waves arc, so it's been [checks calendar] about 16 years of being a fan of this series. 😨 I always liked Neji and considered him a favourite, but I really became a stan after joining the more gen fandom spaces, particularly the narutoforums which gave us such classic quotes as this:

For me, Neji is a very easy character to love. In fact, from 2016:

"definitely Neji. i like geniuses who get humbled lol. but his whole story, his tense + complicated + horrible relationship with his family, the bird metaphors, the hair, how he came out a nice guy after struggling in ~~the darkness~~ and was always quietly improving … yeah man it's been years but he'll never stop being my #1.

eta oh yeah and his team, team gai ftw"

So I guess past me sums it up fairly well. Also, please appreciate how Kishimoto read this thread on what would be your breaking point for the series and decided to ruin my life, in particular:

{screaming white woman.gif}

For my 2022 opinion ... Neji is a fascinating character. When we meet him, he's so angry, justifiably so, but it's hardly a healthy state to be in. He's drowning, and no one around him cares. His address of Hinata is superficially respectful but the actual tone of his words is anything but. He's probably learned a lesson or two on respect in his day, and he toys with the limits of what's possible. He pushes, and he pushes, in hopes of finding a little give. He could have made chunin based on skill alone, but he's clouded by his feelings AND puts a state secret on blast in front of a whole arena of people -- can you imagine the unbelievable levels of emotional stress he was under, to do that?

As I endeavour to write about Neji as much as possible, I once summed it up as such:

"Neji was an odd study of contrasts. He was quiet, yet never timid. He had more secrets than most, but never hesitated to spill the darkest things at the slightest provocation. Listening to him, Shikamaru had to wonder if it was because Neji had so few people in his life who would listen, he was scared to lose the chance to speak."

There's this raw vulnerability to his character which is always fun to see with otherwise 'cool guys', and it speaks to how big his heart is. Neji was mean for a few years as a traumatized kid lashing out and to this day people still act like he's particularly callous. He really isn't! One of the greatest Neji moments is this flashback of his apology to Lee, during Hiruzen's funeral:

Neji is aware that he was projecting his own beliefs onto Lee and strives to make it better. We assume Hiashi reached out to him after the exams, but Neji still meets him halfway, which is very big of him. He fights side-to-side with Hinata as 'equals'. Much like Gaara apologizing to his siblings for the first time in years after they carry him away from the Naruto fight, we see someone who has really no reason at all to be kind learning that they can be, and choosing to be.

I had fallen off the manga by the time Neji died; my friend called me up to break the news. I read the chapter and then lay down on my basement couch, and spent the rest of the day sobbing. I thought a lot during those hours about how Neji was fundamentally a good and kind person, but in a way he was living on borrowed time (as it's rumoured Kishimoto wanted to kill him and Choji in the Retrieval arc but decided not to.) To have someone so young -- and the older I get, the more his youth strikes me -- and kind exist in a liminal state ... it's a tragedy. His whole life is a tragedy, but he tried to make the best of it for what he could. That means more to me than I can ever properly communicate.

Also, he's a gay boy, and that's always a bonus in a character. ☝️