#it's about queerness in the full capacity of that word and it's presented as the right and true thing

[swordsofsaturn]

i can't believe oda was really like. hey i'm going to make a safe queer haven in the middle of the most hellish prison you can imagine and it saves the protagonists. yes this is a shounen still i promise

[baya-ni]

SHADOW’s Queer Coding

I first started exploring this idea of Sk8′s implicit queer rep (as in stuff other than explicit same sex intimacy) in this post.

I know we like to joke that Hiromi is the Token Straight of the protag gang, but I argue that he’s as much an example of queer rep as any of our main characters, albeit in a less conventional and fanservicey way.

So that’s what this post is gonna be, an analysis of Hiromi/SHADOW as a queer figure, how his character fits the Jekyll/Hyde archetype as a metaphor for queerness and The Closet, the similarities between SHADOW as a skatesona and early drag, and how his character represents a larger problem of exclusion within queer fandom spaces.

The 1886 Gothic novella The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson is the origin of the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde”. What I’m calling the Jekyll/Hyde archetype, refers to the same thing; it refers to duality, to a character who is “outwardly good but sometimes shockingly evil” (as described from the novella’s wiki page).

And the Jekyll/Hyde dynamic has also long been associated with Queerness. The antagonism between Jekyll and Hyde as two sides of the same person resonates with many people as similar to the experience being in the closet, and many many scholars have written about this queer reading of Jekyll and Hyde. Do a quick google search if you don’t believe me.

Hiromi experiences his own Jekyll/Hyde duality through his SHADOW persona, which seems to entirely contradict with Hiromi’s day to day personality.

Whilst Hiromi is sweet, romantic, and generally very cutesy, SHADOW is mean-spirited, sadistic, described as “the anti-hero of the S community.”  And though these two personalities seem entirely at odds, SHADOW doesn’t exist in a vacuum, he’s very much a part of Hiromi. In the show, this manifests as SHADOW’s sabotage moves being all flower themed, as Hiromi works in a flower shop, and how he’ll “step out” of character when playing babysitter to the kids.

Below is passage from an essay titled, “The Homoerotic Architectures of Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” which reminds me a lot of Hiromi’s character, such that I think his character arc can be read as an allegory for coming out and self acceptance.

The closet, here, is a space not only for secrecy and repression, but also for becoming; it is the space in which queer identities build themselves up from “disused pieces” and attempt to discover the strength needed for presentation to the world. The closet is both a space of profound fear and profound courage—of potentiality and actualization. (Prologue)

Unlike the kid/teen characters, the show’s adult characters all lead double lives. When they aren’t skating, they have day jobs. Kaoru is a calligrapher, Kojiro is a restaurant owner, Ainosuke is a politician/businessman (but tbh his job is just being some rich dude), and Hiromi works in a flower shop.

But of the adult protagonists (so not Ainosuke), Hiromi compartmentalizes the most.

Kojiro leaves his face totally exposed such that he can be recognized both on and off the skate scene. Kaoru at least covers his face, but his trademark pink hair and constant use of Carla doesn’t make it very hard to connect the dots between him and CHERRY. He’s also always with Kojiro in the evenings, so if you don’t recognize him as CHERRY when he’s on his own, you certainly will when you see him interacting with Kojiro/JOE.

Next to these two, Hiromi seems the more adamant at separating his Work from Play.

Even when he’s been clearly found it, he still tries to deny that he and SHADOW are the same person. Miya even uses this to coerce Hiromi into helping him and the boys:

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the separation between Hiromi and SHADOW can be interpreted as a metaphor for being in The Closet. As SHADOW, he leads a secret life, one characterized by an tight-knit underground community with a vibrant night scene, where he behaves in ways typically frowned upon by larger society. He worries about being found out and judged by the people close to him.

But in Ep 4, the walls of his Closet begins to come down, or in this case is literally imposed upon by other members of his community, by its younger members, who don’t feel the same need to hide their passion for skateboarding or lead the same kind of double life.

We then see the line between Hiromi and SHADOW begin to blur.

He becomes less of an antagonist, and instead the audience sees him become a mentor and “mother hen” figure for the younger skaters. Later on in Ep 4, we see him casually interacting with the other protags in full SHADOW mode, not as an “anti-hero” but as a friend.  In Ep 6, he acts as a babysitter for the kids, and we see him totally comfortable appearing both in an out of his SHADOW persona throughout their vacation.

And I think that this gradual convergence of Hiromi and SHADOW will culminate in this tournament arc.

There’s something more personal that’s driving SHADOW to do well in this tournament. It’s not just for bragging rights or his pride as a skater, but the results of this tournament is going to have some kind of greater impact on Hiromi’s personal life. Personally, my theory is that Hiromi is using this tournament to prove to himself that he’s worthy enough to ask his manager out on a date.

Hiromi is no longer compartmentalizing, his two lives are overlapping and influencing each other. Recall the essay quote I cited earlier:

The closet... is the space in which queer identities build themselves up from “disused pieces” and attempt to discover the strength needed for presentation to the world... of potentiality and actualization.

This is exactly the case for Hiromi. Through skating, he is piecing together the disparate parts of him such that he can present himself to the world as a more unified and confident being.

And the show presents the very skating community that Hiromi has been working so hard to keep separated from his personal life- Reki, Langa, Miya, Kaoru, and Kojiro- as the catalyst for that becoming.

That, my dear readers, is queer coding if I ever saw it.

But there’s probably gonna be people claiming something along the lines of “But SHADOW can’t be queer rep because he’s Straight!” And I assume that’s because he shows romantic interest in his female manager.

First of all, Bisexuality. Also Ace/aro-spec people. And second of all, SHADOW is Hiromi’s drag persona.

And before anyone can say anything about how Hiromi can’t do drag because he’s straight (assumption) and cis (also an assumption) uhhhh no, fuck you.

Drag didn’t start with RuPaul’s Drag Race, that’s just how it got mainstream. And it’s also how it got so gentrified and transphobic. You heard me. But anyway.

Drag is, and has always been, first and foremost about exaggerated, and oftentimes satirical, gender presentation and performance. It’s about playing with gender norms through artistic dress and theater, not so much to do with sexuality or gender identity.

Literally, what’s the difference here?

SHADOW is a persona of exaggerated masculinity with a punk aesthetic. Regardless of his sexuality or gender identity, Hiromi’s gender performance as SHADOW is drag- that makes him queer representation, change my fucking mind.

Queerness is more than same-sex romance, and by extension, good queer representation is not limited to canonized gay ships. The very word Queer, in it’s ambiguity, is meant to encompass the richly unique experiences of everyone within the LGBTQ+ community.

In my opinion, Queer =/= Gay. I mean, they’re colloquially the same yes and even I use them interchangeably. But for the purpose of this post, they’re not the same, and that’s to argue that Hiromi/SHADOW’s lack of acknowledgement as queer rep illustrates a larger issue of exclusion within fandom.

I mean, this is something we all kinda been knew, but in the case of Sk8 specifically, there are a two main reasons why I think Hiromi is rarely acknowledged as queer rep.

1. He’s not shippable with another male character

Fandom favors mlm ships when it comes to what’s considered good queer rep. And the ultimate mark of good queer rep is explicit acts of romance or intimacy between two male characters. Unlike with any of the other characters in the show, we can’t point to Hiromi and automatically clock him as gay, especially because he expresses romantic interest in a woman.

So by default, he’s less popular, because “Ew Straight People” amirite /s.

2. He’s not attractive

This is really interesting, because like JOE, Hiromi is a beefcake.

But fans don’t thirst over him the same way they do over JOE. Granted, the show really plays up JOE’s muscles in a very strip-teasey way that literally encourages viewers to find him attractive. By contrast, Hiromi is pretty much covered head to toe and he paints his face in theatrical makeup- the point is to look scary, not attractive.

In essence, even though Hiromi engages in “queer behavior” through his SHADOW persona, his queerness isn’t palatable.

But I also think there’s some pretty insidious undercurrents of fetishization going on here, of both Asian people AND gay men. Which is... a whole other thing I really don’t have the capacity to unpack completely.

But basically, Hiromi doesn’t fit into any of the popular BL archetypes so he’s less likely to recognized as Queer. Relatedly, he’s also less often subjected to a fetishistic gaze as other characters. I mean...

So again, fans just don’t find him as appealing. Attractive characters are always more popular than ugly ones.

And I’m sure there are a lot of people who just don’t care for Hiromi’s personality, that’s fine, he does act like an asshole sometimes. But this post is meant to illustrate that queer rep takes multiple forms, and unfortunately I think a lot of media just tends to fall back on stereotypical portrayals of queer people for the sake of broader appeal. And by consequence, the fandom’s idea of what constitutes queer rep narrows to same-sex romance, usually between two cis gay men.

With the release of Ep 9, I know a lot of people queer people are going to find representation in the Kojiro’s whole “unrequited love” thing. But personally, I feel more represented by Hiromi, his journey of self-acceptance and subversive relationship with gender- that’s what resonates with me as a trans person.

And I think it’s important to see that kind of less palatable type of queer representation more acknowledged in fandom, and in Sk8′s fandom especially, because I know the demographics of this fandom lean heavily queer.

But that’s all for now, lemme know what you guys think :)

[musicblogwales]

Australia Future-Soul Artist NGAIIRE Releases '3' Album (Dot Dash Recs) 

Sydney-based, Papau New Guinea-born future-soul artist NGAIIRE shares her emotionally charged new album, '3', on Friday, 27th August via Majestic Casual. NGAIIRE has released two previous albums; neo-soul 'Lamentations' and pop-soul 'Blastoma'. Her third album began as an experiment in 2017 to go back to her home country with a small creative team in the hopes of extracting unique visual aspects of PNG culture to present in a contemporary context and alongside music that would be composed throughout and after the research period. The result is '3', a perfectly acceptable odd number, just like her - a bit odd. A bit queer. A bit brought up in church. Thinks she’s a bit cool but really just a big nerd. As slow and breezy as a New Islander but also as stubborn and passionate as a Highlander. A bit Australian but also a bit Kiwi. A bit short and a bit not the right kind of black to be commercial enough. A bit full of joy but also a bit angry. A bit privileged but also a but disadvantaged. A bit obsessed with death, sex, life, spirits, fashion, expensive cocktails, art, board games, rice and bully beef, sitting on the beach all day and living beyond her means. And definitely not your normal cup of tea out of a dainty little English teacup. As much as she's tried to pour herself into that teacup over the years, she's accepted that she's really better suited to a brilliantly well charcoaled aluminum kettle full of black tea leaves cooked on a very lived in fire built upon the soil that smells like her mother, her Aine, her Pupu and and those that came before who said "reach for the stars but always come back to us". Speaking on the focus single 'Moonshine', NGAIIRE explains: “I wrote this while I was high on Opioids. I just desperately wanted to feel like a whole human again. Most days I’d be writhing in pain on the floor screaming, or throwing whatever I could find near me at the walls because I was just so frustrated at how I felt. The neighbours must have worried. The painkillers helped sometimes but mostly never even touched the sides as my body had grown immune to the drugs.  As a result I was mostly just in a constant state of stupor on top of the excruciating pain. I was popping about 8 top shelf opioids a day just to take the edge off but I was feeling increasingly out of control of my life, my career, my pregnancy and the life of my baby. I was in and out of hospital with no answers, hanging on the words of the revolving door of doctors that were sent to my bedside. The more questions went unanswered the more I felt trapped and so far away from what I knew of as my normal life. I’d watch the sun go down and then the moon would illuminate how delicate my mental capacity had become.  All I wanted was to sit at my favourite bar and throw a few very stiff drinks back. Until the bar shut. With my lover who I’d just married. Just like the old days. Ironically I wanted to be reckless and out of control on my terms so as to not feel out of control by something that seemed to own me. I just wanted that moonshine.” Having built a musical identity that effortlessly crosses genre and art form, her renowned vocals, tight beats and big pop sounds have seen NGAIIRE acquire countless accolades, as well as gracing the stages of Glastonbury through to Splendour In The Grass, and touring alongside artists from Sufjan Stevens to Flume to Alicia Keys and John Legend. Tracklist: 1. 3 2. Shiver (prod. Jack Grace & Ngaiire) 3. Shoestring 4. Closer 5. Takeover 6. Moonshine 7. Akura 8. Him 9. Boom 10. Glitter open.spotify.com/artist/ngaiire soundcloud.com/ngaiire instagram.com/ngaiire facebook.com/ngaiire twitter.com/ngaiire

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

23 Oct 19

WALLLLLS!!!! Louis' album is available for preorder! Genuinely actually ON SALE NOW! (It comes out Jan 31.) What a day lads. Album announcement with cover art and a track list, it's without titles but we can see that it's 12 tracks, merch- signed albums, CD vinyl and cassette plus picture disc vinyl (Donny Rovers #28 shirt graphic!) and caps as in hats as in clothing merch finalllly! The album cover was released in bits, one part of the picture here one there scattered across the web- obviously fans were quick to gather but also, some just made an end run around the whole thing and found the pre-order link without bothering to wait. Fun fact, when found the site said Oct 24 for the release date. Also a twitter account announcing the name of the album dating to way back before even the leak made itself known.

Also! What appears to be part one of a Louis interview documentary?? "Chapter 1: Reflection" was posted to YouTube, it's a 6+ minute video of Louis being interviewed by Gordon Smart (formerly of The Sun) about music and his work finding his place in the industry and it's absolutely lovely. And! Louis updated his Spotify playlist, it's back to being the 28 songs list and full of exciting new stuff. So hurry up and let all that sink in cause tomorrow we have the new song and the video plus one million signs point to tour dates dropping tomorrow: we got Live Nation and Ticketmaster and little sites getting his picture up and teasing and tweeting about him then deleting, we got the capacity built in to his site ready to go, UAs dropping shady hints.... it's happening.

That's a lot of Louis but let's just have a little SBB Roundup Corner before we totally call it quits.... Okay yes, we see the 420 behind you on the WMI cover, lol, and how about that outfit in the promo pic posted to Ticketmaster huh?? Yeah that's right blue and green track pants with a shirt that says ORGANIC and defines the word on it, wow A LOOK indeed. A new playlist means loads of lyrics to analyse, I'll leave that to you to enjoy but I would be remiss not to mention the song Laurel Wreaths being on there damn! Then the metro published some charming articles saying We Made It is about Louis visiting Eleanor at Uni and one saying that Louis was surprised to hear that Harry did shrooms since he (Louis) was the stoner in the band (if you were with them in any way up to this point this is the moment where it goes from a mild eyeroll to utterly ludicrous) and Harry had told him off for it (lolllllll) and a cut and paste typical article about Freddie, one on Zayn, etc etc. I do believe the part where he says he likes NTMY and LU and laughs at Niall for saying he's vanilla though. Moments after the articles were posted Louis hopped on Twitter to acknowledge a good interview- "Proper good to see you mate. Thanks again for doing it!" he said... with a link to the Gordon Smart video. BUUURRN!

Anyway if all that Louis news isn't enough Christmas in October for you, Liam has a song out Friday: a CHRISTMAS SONG! All I Want (For Christmas) is out in two days what the fffffff you guys!! Like apparently this is the normal time for a Christmas song drop it just feels so sudden, help. Liam recorded his Jonathan Ross show (airs Sat) today and a fan who was present tells us he spilled some serious tea which made people very anxious because Liam stuff is a little stressful lately but don't worry, they say: "it was beautiful I'm telling you I'm beaming at him." They say we'll see a clip of the Ant Middleton show. The Esquire interview is out: Liam said he hasn't seen Harry in three years prompting much sadness (and some scepticism.) "We are the only band in history that has managed to get all its members to enter as soloists in the top 10 of the Billboard. If you think about it, it’s a phenomenon," he also says and it would be though it's not exactly accurate, but the reality is phenomenal enough, and he talks about how hard he works to make his body be what he feels it should be.

We got a picture of Harry from last night! He's wearing a cute jumper that looks a lot like his tour graphics (tho I'm told those are licorices not puzzles), but the real news is he's wearing his RAINBOW FLAG PRIDE PIN bless. Beautiful. The pic was posted by the person who reported from the Jools Holland show recording last night; that show has been announced now, Harry will be on with Noel Gallagher of all people (these guys are really everywhere you turn!), Brittany Howard, an exciting queer artist who he just followed yesterday, and others. New DYKWYA posters were spotted in LA.

And seriously only a day like this could push this to the end, how the hell, Niall is confirmed for Live Lounge! Nov 7!!!! He has more content out with the Genius Official lyrics video, so if you wanna see him talk about sex and deny he has a type (mhmm) check it out. As evidence, he says the girl NTMY was about had pink in her hair and tattoos. He's excited about getting onstage at the Jingle Balls and threatens not to talk to us if we don't get tickets but we're definitely safe so far, he's out there chattering up a storm on twitter.

[eubiedrew-blog]

Critically Examining What BLM Believes

EUBIE DREW

·

Facebook Note HERE

Beyond the formatting rule “_______” below is a full quote of the “What We Believe” page on the Black Lives Matter web site. The link to that page is <HERE>. 

The emphasis (bold, italic) is mine, and I have arranged some of it into an itemized list, but all the words and links are theirs.

I present this as an aid in critically examining what they support. Personally, I am comfortable with all of it except item 12(a). And perhaps that is only because I do not understand it. Certainly it could be problematic for many of my dear friends, and supporters of “No Wedding, No Womb” (FB page --> NWNW).

I hope we can have a healthy discussion about 12(a), and whatever else you all would like to examine, in the comments to this Note.

____________________________

What We Believe

Four years ago, what is now known as the Black Lives Matter Global Network began to organize. It started out as a chapter-based, member-led organization whose mission was to build local power and to intervene when violence was inflicted on Black communities by the state and vigilantes.

In the years since, we’ve committed to struggling together and to imagining and creating a world free of anti-Blackness, where every Black person has the social, economic, and political power to thrive.

Black Lives Matter began as a call to action in response to state-sanctioned violence and anti-Black racism. Our intention from the very beginning was to connect Black people from all over the world who have a shared desire for justice to act together in their communities. The impetus for that commitment was, and still is, the rampant and deliberate violence inflicted on us by the state.

Enraged by the death of Trayvon Martin and the subsequent acquittal of his killer, George Zimmerman, and inspired by the 31-day takeover of the Florida State Capitol by POWER U and the Dream Defenders, we took to the streets. A year later, we set out together on the Black Lives Matter Freedom Ride to Ferguson, in search of justice for Mike Brown and all of those who have been torn apart by state-sanctioned violence and anti-Black racism. Forever changed, we returned home and began building the infrastructure for the Black Lives Matter Global Network, which, even in its infancy, has become a political home for many.

Ferguson helped to catalyze a movement to which we’ve all helped give life. Organizers who call this network home have ousted anti-Black politicians, won critical legislation to benefit Black lives, and changed the terms of the debate on Blackness around the world. Through movement and relationship building, we have also helped catalyze other movements and shifted culture with an eye toward the dangerous impacts of anti-Blackness.

These are the results of our collective efforts.

The Black Lives Matter Global Network is as powerful as it is because of our membership, our partners, our supporters, our staff, and you. Our continued commitment to liberation for all Black people means we are continuing the work of our ancestors and fighting for our collective freedom because it is our duty.

Every day, we recommit to healing ourselves and each other, and to co-creating alongside comrades, allies, and family a culture where each person feels seen, heard, and supported.

We acknowledge, respect, and celebrate differences and commonalities.

We work vigorously for freedom and justice for Black people and, by extension, all people.

We intentionally build and nurture a beloved community that is bonded together through a beautiful struggle that is restorative, not depleting.

We are unapologetically Black in our positioning. In affirming that Black Lives Matter, we need not qualify our position. To love and desire freedom and justice for ourselves is a prerequisite for wanting the same for others.

We see ourselves as part of the global Black family, and we are aware of the different ways we are impacted or privileged as Black people who exist in different parts of the world.

We are guided by the fact that all Black lives matter, regardless of actual or perceived sexual identity, gender identity, gender expression, economic status, ability, disability, religious beliefs or disbeliefs, immigration status, or location.

We make space for transgender brothers and sisters to participate and lead.

We are self-reflexive and do the work required to dismantle cisgender privilege and uplift Black trans folk, especially Black trans women who continue to be disproportionately impacted by trans-antagonistic violence.

We build a space that affirms Black women and is free from sexism, misogyny, and environments in which men are centered.

We practice empathy. We engage comrades with the intent to learn about and connect with their contexts.

We ...      a)  make our spaces family-friendly and enable parents to fully participate with their children.      b)  dismantle the patriarchal practice that requires mothers to work “double shifts” so that they can mother in private even as they participate in public justice work.

We ...      a)     disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure    requirement      b)  by supporting each other as extended families and “villages”      c)  that collectively care for one another, especially our children,      d)  to the degree that mothers, parents, and children are comfortable.

We foster a queer‐affirming network. When we gather, we do so with the intention of freeing ourselves from the tight grip of heteronormative thinking, or rather, the belief that all in the world are heterosexual (unless s/he or they disclose otherwise).

We cultivate an intergenerational and communal network free from ageism. We believe that all people, regardless of age, show up with the capacity to lead and learn.

We embody and practice justice, liberation, and peace in our engagements with one another.

BLACK LIVES MATTER

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____________________________

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[ckret2]

Hey guys wanna watch me talk about fanfic as an excuse to talk about my romantic orientation as an excuse to talk about fanfic?

In canon sources, Alastor has only thus far been identified as “ace”—not where he is on the ace spectrum, and not anything at all about his romantic orientation. I headcanon him as fully ace/aro (“fully” as opposed to “demi” or “gray,” since to my knowledge there isn’t a specific term for that). Except of course when I want to ship him, which, y’know, is fun, in which case I’ll make an exception and briefly shuffle him over to ace/demiromantic.

I should mention that I myself am ace/aro.

So here I am writing a romance fic with Alastor that I’ve planned from the start to be a tragedy, with the traditional definition of “tragedy” in which the terrible & otherwise avoidable events are driven by the character’s flaws (Alastor’s flaw is that he’s being an entire dumbass), and as I’m writing this fic I’m realizing... what I’m writing is basically an aromantic horror story. I don’t know a better phrase to describe it.

I’ve seen other aros over the years express that they felt disappointed/afraid as they realized they were aromantic—because they wanted to be “normal,” because they were afraid not having the mental wiring for romantic love made them “broken,” because they thought love looks lovely and wish they could have that too, because they’re afraid they’ll be rejected by family/friends, because they’re afraid they’ll end up alone if they don’t have a romantic partner, etc etc etc.

I’ve never felt any of that.

I learned what aromanticism is—from neutral, factual sources—narrowly before figuring out that oh hey, I don’t feel like, any romantic attraction for anyone ever. Until then I didn’t notice I didn’t feel attraction, or didn’t feel like it was odd. I thought my lack of interest in surrounding people was due to a lack of sufficiently interesting people. I didn’t yearn to fall in love, I didn’t long for a relationship; I was given a firm You Are A Strong Independent Young Lady And You Don’t Need A Man (Or A Woman, Whatever You’re Into) To Complete You upbringing, so I went all right, cool, no pressure to pair up, it’s not necessary. I figured they were things that would happen when they happened, and then they didn’t happen. And then I figured out that was probably because I’m just not designed for them to happen to me. All right, cool.

I’m proud of my orientation. Not “proud” in some weird “ah yes my orientation is SUPERIOR” way, but “proud” as in “I like who I am, I see the ways that my orientation is woven into the person that I am, and I like those patterns.” And I have been ever since I picked out the words to describe it; it wasn’t something I had to grow used to or make peace with or slowly learn to love. I know that’s rare with queer folks in general, and that's no exception in the ace & aro communities I’ve seen, where it often seems to me that self-pride is something people have to fight for and coax themselves into.

Not only have I never been in love, but I don’t want to be in love, in the same way that I don’t want to go scuba diving or learn to play the saxophone: they’re all fine activities for the people who are into them, I’m sure, and I support the interests of anyone who’s into them, but they hold no appeal to me.

So I think very few things would shake up my sense of self more than suddenly falling in love, when I don’t want to and have never found in me any capacity to be able to. It would be like waking up and realizing I fluently speak a language I’ve never studied. Oh and also I’m handcuffed to an airplane seat in the middle of an international flight to the country where that language is spoken with all my worldly possessions packed in the luggage. I don’t want to move there! It might be a lovely country, but I’ve already got a life in the one I’m currently in! How do I move myself and all my stuff back home??

It’s not that I’ve got anything against romance. In fact, I very much enjoy it—in fiction. I just know that it’s not for me.

And so—look, we’ve looped back around to the fanfic—and so, this is what I mean by “aromantic horror story.”

In so, so many stories, lovelessness is presented as the horror. “The monster is incapable of love.” “The poor protagonist fears being doomed to a life without love.” Sure, oftentimes in these stories “love” includes platonic love, familial love—but romantic love is typically centralized. The Beast can’t be cured until Belle falls in love with him.

I’ve never seen love itself presented as the horror. Not even “love that’s been twisted into obsession,” not even “abuse masquerading as love,” just plain old love all by itself. Not because there’s something wrong with the love, but just because it is—and because, in its being, it’s antithetical to everything the person feeling it knows about their own identity. Because it rings discordant with everything else in that person’s soul. Because they feel like they were built whole and complete without the spot that most people have in their hearts for the “romantic love” puzzle piece to fit in, and so trying to shove something into that spot anyway shoves everything else in their heart into disarray. If you can feel that something doesn’t have a place inside of you where it fits, would it be terrifying to find it in you anyway? Even if the “something” is love?

“But there’s nothing horrific about plain old love, nothing at all,” you scoff. And I agree with you—but there’s nothing horrific about lovelessness, either. But nevertheless, a storyteller can twist lovelessness into a monster. I don’t see why love can’t be twisted around that way, too. Just to spice things up. Particularly for those of us who get a “can’t relate” grimace every time we see a character talking about how empty and hollow their life is without (romantic) love.

Now, I don’t think I’d actually go full-blown "terrified protagonist in a psychological horror movie” if by some freak twist I somehow fell in love with somebody someday. I’d probably do what most people do in similar situations: hold hands a lot and file taxes together. Because I’m a normal person rather than an emotionally isolated cannibalistic misanthrope in a fanfic. I don’t think falling in love IRL would actually be a horror story.

But I’m certain enough that I can’t fall in love that it would sure be jarring if it happened.

And there’s room for me to play around with that in fiction.

[deeptimesjournal]

"Observations for the Future Generations"; "Springtime Lessons";  "Summertime Memory"; "Corn Mother"; "Maíz Narrativez"

Reflections on Time Travel

we are at the cusp of a transformative time, i observe the motions of life, desperately searching for tools, lessons, memories that can help guide us to move with much more care, grace and sustainable thinking.

i observe the teachings of the natural world called neighborhood, the pruning and planting of the spring, the harvest of the fall. 

i learn that in the motions of the natural world, even in urban landscapes, i can enter mythic time, timeless time, time that speaks across the generations. 

observe the stillness, in those mundane moments you will see past, present and future… 

Springtime Lessons

in the springtime, papa trims the guayaba tree; fruit doesn’t come until the fall but he does this in order to prepare it for its regeneration. this year as he trimmed the tree, a hummingbird flew by him as an empty nest revealed itself in the newfound nakedness of the tree. we clean out the fallen branches and the benevolent winged being circles us in distress several times. we realize that in the annual pruning of trees, the home of this hummingbird was disturbed. 

guilt sits in as papa directs me to clean out the weeds and fallen branches, and i can’t help but to think how harm is inevitable in nature. we are 3 generations removed from rural life. my urban naïvety shows that i lack the knowledge of how to restore a good relationship with hummingbirds. the sun sets, venus trails behind, as they join each other in the underworld, and papa reassures me that the hummingbird will restore its home amongst the network of trees that make up our industrial neighborhood.

i wonder if there are ceremonies that ask for permission and let the ecosystem of birds and insects know that a human needs to chop down a tree. does that restore the harm done? does it happen before, does it happen after, do you leave an offering? is an apology enough? 

i continue to finish our yard work, and as i sift through piles of dirt, rising nettles and other “invasive” plants, i come to terms with the possibility that we humans are the invasion. not necessarily because we are human, but because of the values a grand part of our species lacks. i wish i knew a way to honor the hummingbird nest. i wish my papa knew that he needed to ask the tree permission before chopping much of it down. but the fact that he left the nest intact, reminds me that deep down, we know how to be in right relationship with the natural world around us. 

in time, if we continue to pay attention, we will know the right ritual that can create an avenue of communication between us, my family who currently lives in this home, and the creatures who also call the trees, dirt, bushes, crevices on our “property” their home and playground. they have adapted to us, we are to adapt to them too. 

as i sifted through my guilt, with my hands in the dirt, i am reminded that the natural world is ever so resilient, and adaptable to many changes. the earth itself holds that same resiliency. i personally do not agree with the belief that we, humans, are destroying the earth. the earth is resilient and adaptable, who has sustained eras, eons, grand cycles of time, more than we can comprehend. isn’t it a bit egotistic and humancentric to think that we are capable of such a task. the earth is adaptable, but can we as a species adapt to the changes we are bringing about through the mass harm of ecological destruction of the extractive mindset of deforestation, overharvesting, pollution and overconsumption of non-renewable resources? these practices will cause harm to us, to many many species, but the earth will regenerate. those species who can adapt will continue, humans may not be able to sustain such a change if we continue with the same destructive ways. this is a reminder to the generations coming after me…

i go back to the hummingbird who lost a home. they are resilient and will bounce back quickly, but the initial susto of finding a naked tree that previously had an abundance of protective leaves reminds us that small acts of harm are an inevitable part of nature. i ask us to tap into our collective ancient memory to remember the answers to: 

how do we create balance and what do restorative processes look like in nature that reduce and heal harm?

in my daily prayer to the earth, i apologize for the many members of my species who have evolved to become clouded by egotism; i also fall under that category of humans. i offer these words as i ask for us to be enlightened to restore a reciprocal way of being with all of creation, so that we may coexist in harmony and balance. i thank you earth mama for the life we are gifted. may we remember now and eras into the future that we are, and will always be intimately a part of you.

and like our hummingbird relative, may we remember that we have the warrior-like capacity to be resilient, fierce, and able to adapt to any change that will come forth in our lifetime or the next.

Summertime Memory

the end of springtime sprouts young corn stalks,

we are hopeful, eager, and full of energy

moon cycles pass and pull the sprouts 

closer to the sky.

the summertime brings forth abundant heat,

creatures find refuge nestled into the maturing corn leaves,

and the sunlight imprints its name into the DNA of the elotitos

that form above the shadows.

the last 7,000 summers, our human ancestors have built 

an intimate relationship with corn mother, but many humans 

have begun to lose their way, and have fallen into vices of greed.

we don’t listen anymore to the whispers between the stalks,

we are at the cusp of a transformative time, yet those ancient sounds 

become more and more unintelligible.

technological “progress” births more naïvety.

as my palms touch the ground in my daily prayer to the earth,

i pray to better understand, i pray that the future generations

can remember what is true, this prayer is for you...

Remembering Corn Mother

corn mother, i watch the way you stand with dignity 

i seek to be the same 

but i tremble, i am weak, with shaky knees, and my cracking voice stuttering my speech 

my pulsating heart becomes like squash vines tethered and tangled on the ground lost in its growth, not knowing where to go 

oh, you seek to have wisdom, you say you want to know 

corn mother, i seek guidance can my nimble spine spiral up your stalk towards the sky? 

my shaky palms reach into my left pocket stumbling to make an offering of lint, crumbs, crumpled paper, and leftover tobacco... 

a desperate offering 

corn mother, creator, god, earth mama, wind, fire, water, ancestor, person in my head, 

whoever can hear me, 

help us to be free, i ask for courage, may we be courageous, 

the road ahead is not easy and we must strengthen our hearts to make it through 

my spiraling heart, reaching the tassels shouting at the heavens 

may we be strong may we be loving may we be honest and true.

Maíz Narrativez (2019)

Name: John Jairo Valencia

Age: 27

Bio: Among other things, John Jairo (they/he) is an emerging visual artist, writer, community worker, and aspiring herbalist. Their creative work is inspired by stars, spirit beings, ancestors, the natural world, dreams, storytelling, decolonization and led by prayers for transformative change and creating un mundo donde quepan muchxs mundos. John Jairo attended UC Berkeley where they received a BA with a focus on Native American Studies, Chicanx Studies, and Art. John Jairo grew up on Tongva territory in the neighborhoods of Bassett and Boyle Heights. John Jairo identifies as a brown queer, xicanx, colombian with mixed roots from the Chihuahuan Desert, Central Mexico, and the Colombian Andes. You can find John Jairo's work on IG: @elotedreamz

[dancedancerevolution2020]

how to begin // disorientation

“It matters how we arrive at the places we do.” (2)

“Orientations are about how we begin; how we proceed from ‘here’, which affects how ‘there’ appears, how it presents itself.” (8)

I’m writing this at the beginning of my independent study, curious about how to proceed. The ‘here’ of the internet. 

I am beginning: in a spirit of inquiry, curiosity, creativity.

Orientations are not simply given. When we orient towards some thing or some one, we are also turning away from something. As Ahmed says, what is present or near is not “casual”, but has appeared because of certain lines followed, paths taken or not. 

The writing table: “In this book, I bring the table to ‘the front’ of the writing in part to show how ‘what’ we think ‘from’ is an orientation device. By bringing what is ‘behind’ to the front, we might queer phenomenology by creating a new angle” (4). Ahmed is calling for a politics of location, intersectionality, being situated. To queer phenomenology would be to acknowledge where one is beginning, bringing what is usually in the background to the front and thus creating a different angle, a different dialogue. 

“After all, phenomenology is full of queer moments; as moments of disorientation that Maurice Merleau-Ponty suggests involve not only ‘the intellectual experience of disorder, but the vital experience of giddiness and nausea, which is the awareness of our contingency, and the horror with which it fills us’“ (4). 

“When we are orientated, we might not even notice that we are orientated: we might not even think ‘to think’ about this point.” (5) 

“It is by understanding how we become orientated in moments of disorientation that we might learn what it means to be orientated in the first place.” (6)

I walk in to the studio. Where do I face? What do I do? Do I start on the ground? standing? with music? Lately I have been using this score of “bad dancing” because it makes me question and look at what I think is “good dancing”. One way to look at where I am oriented.

I think that all practices of somatics are in essence practices of disorientation. When I arrive at a somatic practice I am often not aware of how I hold my body and move through the world. Or, I am aware, but it has become so natural and habitual to me that I no longer feel it as new, unique. The experience has faded to the background. By feeling, thinking, and moving differently my sense of self is (at least momentarily) shaken loose. I remember my first Feldenkrais lesson in which we balanced books on our feet for an hour. When I got up, I felt like I’d been given a new pair of feet they were so alien, alive, and richly complex.

How can somatics remain flexible and rooted in community practices as opposed to rigidly codified systems? We are not given a body that we then have to try to discover the user manual for, but instead are a body and are continually investigating ourselves and our way of moving through the world.

Side note: I find it interesting that somatics often relies on others, either people or objects, to disorient. I’m interested in this inherent relationality. We need another in order to see and feel differently. 

Desire / Lines

“The lines we follow might also function as forms of ‘alignment’, or as ways of being in line with others.” (15)

“Following lines also involves forms of social investment. Such investments ‘promise’ return (if we follow this line, then ‘this’ of ‘that’ will follow), which might sustain the very will to keep going. Through such investments in the promise of return, subjects reproduce the lines that they follow” (17). Inheritance, wealth, safety. Codified structures. Pathways. Certain ways of being that we know white supremacy and capitalism will reward.

Can desire function as a kind of guiding principle (note to self: read adrienne maree brown’s Pleasure Activism next). Pleasure guiding scholarship and research. 

What do I choose to practice? How do these practices shape me? 

I am reminded of one of the first pages in Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower:

“All that you touch You Change. All that you Change Changes you. The only lasting truth Is Change. God Is Change.“

((I take a brief diversion to look up adrienne maree brown’s definition of “somatics” in her book Pleasure Activism)

(sidebar: listen to new podcast with adrienne maree brown and Toshi Reagon where they discuss Parable of the Sower: http://adriennemareebrown.net/tag/octavias-parables/)

“Somatics is: a path, a methodology, a change theory, by which we can embody transformation, individually and collectively. Embodied transformation is foundational change that shows in our actions, ways of being, relating, and perceiving. It is transformation that sustains over time. Somatics pragmatically supports our values and actions becoming aligned. It helps us to develop depth and the capacity to feel ourselves, each other and life around us...Somatics is a practice-able theory of change that can move us toward individual, community, and collective liberation.” (17)

I notice the use of the words change and transformation. Within oneself and one’s community and society. Concentric rings. We cannot just focus on ourselves. A theory of change and transformation -- not seeking a rigid neutrality. Balance is never still but always slightly oscillating. 

The Orient and Other Others (Queer Phenomenology Chapter 3)

“And then the occasion arose when I had to meet the white man’s eyes. A unfamiliar weight burdened me. The real world challenged my claims. In the white world the man of color encounters difficulties in the development of his body schema. Consciousness of the body is solely a negating activity. It is a third-person consciousness. The body is surrounded by an atmosphere of uncertainty. I know that if I want to smoke, I shall have to reach out my right arm and take the pack of cigarettes lying at the other end of the table. The matches, however, are in the drawer on the left, and I shall have to lean back slightly. And all these movements are made not out of habit, but out of implicit knowledge.” - Frantz Fanon, Black Skin, White Masks

Bodily awareness - 

I recently had a conversation in which we discussed intention and reception (in regard to someone not wearing a mask because they were unaware of the science behind it *extreme eye roll*). Privilege is not having to think about how something is received. It is feeling comfortable that your good intention will be seen and not having to think far enough ahead to reception. 

“Where phenomenology attends to the tactile, vestibular, kinesthetic, and visual character of embodied reality, Fanon asks us to think of the ‘historic-racial’ scheme, which is, importantly, ‘below it’.” (110)

“For Fanon, racism ‘stops’ black bodies inhabiting space by extending through objects and others; the familiarity of ‘the white world’, as a world we know implicitly, ‘disorients’ black bodies such that they cease to know where to find things--reduced as they are to things among things. Racism ensures that the black gaze returns to the black body, which is not a loving return but rather follows the line of the hostile white gaze. The disorientation affected by racism diminishes capacity for action. For Fanon, racism ‘interrupts’ the corporeal schema.” (111) I write these words and recognize the wisdom and learning in them but I also want to push back or question a little bit. I wonder about Ahmed taking away agency in this section of writing. Or rather, I wonder, as some things are not as in reach or possible when Black, what other things that are not in the white imagination become available? 

“process of racialization...consider racism as an ongoing and unfinished history, which orientates bodies in specific directions, affecting how they ‘take up’ space” (111). I really appreciate this reframing of racism as a process. It is active, we are active. But we can also bring attention to and redirect this activity. Racism is not a structure we are passively sitting inside of, that exists outside of us. 

[tothedarkdarkseas]

do u have any Russel headcanons? sorry if this has already been answered i just really like how u write out ur headcanons ;w;

Hey there! Thank you so much, that’s really kind! And no, it hasn’t been answered... but I’m afraid I don’t have much of an answer to give you!

I really do love Gorillaz as a whole and I definitely like all of the characters, but I don’t have very specific or detailed headcanon about Russel, Noodle, or Ace. Particularly in Russel and Noodle’s case, part of the issue is that they come across, to me, as much more sensible and much more likable than Murdoc and Stu. I don’t feel any guilt in pouring over the latter’s flaws-- but I also think, to pluck out two characters who are canonically POC, female, or queer in some way and say “They’re just good, overall good, no particular character faults to speak of” can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, you feel a bit less justified in talking them down than you do the straight-ish white guy (Stu), or Murdoc who is very clearly and canonically meant to be Just The Worst-- but on the other hand, it’s disheartening to be given underrepresented characters in media and then just have plotlines Happen To Them while they aren’t treated as very rounded characters. I certainly think the characters all have flaws, for me it’s a bit infantalizing to treat them as purely innocent, but I’m less eager to dunk on them, I suppose!

My general impression of Russel is... less fun than others, haha. I think Russel is sensible and stable almost to a fault, I think he has a bit of “ego” in an entirely different way from Stu. Russel doesn’t present himself as cocky and overconfident, but he’s difficult to relate to in conversation and he doesn’t try to stoop to Murdoc or Stu’s level for their benefit. He’s fine with everyone feeling an aura of him frankly being classier, more talented, and more purposeful in his words than they are. Russel is, I think, an honest person and doesn’t put on airs, but that comes at the expense of alienating him from his bandmates as he recognizes they don’t understand his experiences and he isn’t interested in changing his manner to be better understood by them. None of that is to suggest Russel is a mean person or even an especially cold person, but he’s just... through the lens of Stu especially, someone you feel intimidated talking to who doesn’t go out of his way to “bend down” and see eye to eye with you. Overall, this just tends to result in Russ being present but not always feeling like a peer. He’s respected and he’s appreciated, and in a crisis Russel in the one you want, but day to day in Kong I think Russel seems like he belongs somewhere better. Whether or not he thinks that himself... debatable, but I’d wager not most of the time. I think there has to be a reason he joined and a reason he stayed despite the absolutely maddening situation between Stu, Murdoc, and Paula in Phase Zero.

Russel cares about making “art.” I imagine him as almost overly principled, almost principled in a way that has limited his connection with others. He values a statement, a plan and an ideal, and I think he valued what Gorillaz could be as a disruption to the music industry and the concepts of segregated genre and celebrity worship. I don’t think his ambition looked the same as Murdoc’s; Russel didn’t try and try again to form bands, he didn’t do auditions for permanent lineups and mainly played in a limited capacity on offer only. He loved music and he centered much of his life on seeing and experiencing music on a wider scale than the average musician, but he wasn’t interested in making music with someone else longterm without an incentive. I think Russel had perhaps set this... nebulous, unspecific, maybe even unknown bar for what he needed in order to interact on such a constant, daily level with other people. (Given his history with Del and the others, it’s generally his preference to keep distance.) While Russel was and is a longtime fan of activist hip hop, Gorillaz was intriguing as it could be so many things at once. Gorillaz could make political or social statements and at the same time be unrestricted by genre; they could be synthpop, they could be R&B, they could be hip hop, they could be punk. Gorillaz could be something that engaged Russel and allowed him to experiment, while also justifying, perhaps a bit loftily, that it meant something. Simply put, it was something new. Something that he wanted to see through.

None of that is to suggest the band aren’t friends, Russel and Murdoc in particular I think get on well in their own way as Russel feels rather unpressured by Murdoc to be “accessible” and change anything about his interactions, and whatever intimidation Murdoc might feel he’s able to keep to himself. Murdoc’s just not a guy to let that sort of thing show and certainly not let it effect him getting what he wants. Because I HC things a little more realistic, I think at most Murdoc maybe misleads Russel in order to get him to check out his band, as opposed to kidnapping him out of a record shop. I don’t think Russel would have jumped at the opportunity to be around Murdoc all that much, or Stu once he met him, but their combined oddness (and general preoccupation with each other) sort of allows him to exist in a space that doesn’t challenge his comfort for the first year or two. I think Noodle’s addition to the band is really the point where something takes a turn for Russel, as he comes to recognize an even greater “purpose” in the music and in his contribution to “something that mattered”-- Noodle was so young but so full of promise, they barely spoke the same language but she was so adept at communicating through the music, she was someone he needed to step outside of himself for. It was... important to Russel, I think, observing and at times guiding her along her own path to experiencing and creating music in a way that was truly unseen before. I think Russ is proud of what he’s done with Gorillaz, and the top of that list is Noodle herself.

[buckeverlasting]

Assembling Ikea Furniture with Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: An Asgardian, you live with Thor after the devastation of Ragnarok. Infinity War? what’s that? You are left alone after a confusing Family Game Night, but Bucky Barnes keeps you company and attempts to help you put the house in order.

A/N: As you may know, I’ve been reposting fics from my old blog (with some slight changes). I figured I’d post my first ever Bucky fic in honor of his birthday today! It can be read as a oneshot or part of a series that you can read on AO3: “The Perks of Being an Avenger.”

Warning: some smut and a lil fluff (18+, please)

Word count: 2.4k

Thor must not have come home last night because he was nowhere to be found in the morning. He must not have stopped home either because there was no note. He usually left notes to communicate because he refused to get a cell phone. Tony Stark even gave him a custom device with practically millions of capabilities as a “Welcome to Earth!” present. It was still in the hall closet. Thor had tried to give it to you, but it would only activate with the voice command, “Point Break,” spoken by Thor himself. But Thor bought you a phone. The problem was that you didn’t have anyone’s number. Loki just sort of appeared and disappeared when he felt like it. You didn’t see him as often as Thor, and you were still learning how to read him. You didn’t know what to think about last night.

You decided staying busy would keep your mind off all the strange things that occurred during Family Game Night. You thought you’d go for a run, make yourself a healthy breakfast, and then spruce up the house. You and Thor had bought furniture but had only assembled the essentials, like the dining room table and the beds. Your bedroom still needed a desk, a chair for the desk, and a couple bookcases. Maybe you could get all of that done before 6pm and then start making dinner.

But none of that would happen. Ragnarok felt all too recent, and you thought you’d distract yourself with a little bit of Netflix. A couple episodes of the Great British Bake Off turned into an entire season, and then you stumbled upon a new show that sucked you in, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. A combination of your guilt- and depression-fed inertia and taking advantage of Thor’s absence to watch what you wanted without fear of judgment just caused you to spiral. Somehow, it got to be four in the afternoon, and you heard someone’s voice on the intercom.

“Miss Y/N,” Frank, your doorman, said. “A Mr. James Buchanan Barnes is here to see you.”

“You can let him up.” you said “Thank you, Frank.”

Bucky Barnes, the former Winter Soldier, was here? You weren’t even wearing real pants, just purple pajama shorts, but there was no time to change now.

Minutes later the elevator dinged, and the doors opened. Out stepped Bucky Barnes. You had only spoken to him once before at Tony Stark’s party to celebrate Thor’s return to Earth. You had been starving, and your hands were full, holding a plate of crackers and cheese in one hand and a flute of champagne in the other. You had approached a couch, but Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, and Bucky Barnes pretty much filled it to capacity.

But Bucky must have seen you looking. “We can move over,” he said. “Here.” He scooched over onto Sam’s cushion and patted the now empty spot next to him.

You sat down. The cushion was very warm. You had only exchanged a few words before Thor dragged you away to meet Wanda and Natasha. Then when you returned to the couch, he was gone. That was all. Yet here he was.

“Hey, Y/N,” Bucky said. “It’s good to see you again.” He had a small, almost shy smile that still managed to light up his blue eyes.

“You, too, Mr. Barnes,” you said. “Can I offer you a drink?” You began to walk him toward the kitchen.

“You can call me Bucky,” he said. “I could go for something to drink.”

“We have beer and—” You opened the fridge.

“Beer will be fine. Thanks.” He smiled, showing small creases around his bright eyes.

“So, what brings you here?” You took out two bottles of beer and snapped the caps off with a bottle opener.

“Right to the point, then!”

You laughed. “I guess I just never expected you to drop by like this.” You handed him a bottle.

“Well, I have a message from Thor,” he said, accepting the beer. “He came by to pick up Steve this afternoon. They have some mission with Bruce and Tony. Apparently, they didn’t need me, so Thor asked me to come tell you he wouldn’t be making it home for dinner and that you could order something and watch that baking show you like.”

“Thor and that baking show!” you said, blushing. “Alright, well, I guess I’m on my own tonight.”

“I could keep you company,” Bucky said. “All my friends are on a mission…or dead.”

You gave him a look from the corner of your eye. “I’m sorry,” you said.

“I mean because I’m old,” he said.

“Nonsense. You’re practically a child,” you said. “I’m much older.”

He laughed. “Not possible.”

“Well, to be fair, I was asleep for most of my life, thanks to Odin, so I don’t feel particularly old.”

“How old are you, if you don’t mind my asking?”

“About a thousand years, but, like I said, I was asleep for most of it.”

“I was asleep for most of my life, too,” he said. “How about that?”

“Well, look at us,” you said.

“A couple of sleeping beauties! So, what are you up to this evening?”

At this point in the day, you were supposed to have been for a run, bathed, and assembled all your furniture. “I have furniture to assemble.” The words just came out.

“Do you need any help?” he asked.

“I am—”

“Let me rephrase that. Would you like any help or some company?”

It was Saturday evening. You had no idea when Thor would return, and you weren’t scheduled to see Loki until Monday. You could use some company. “Company would be wonderful, actually.”

“Okay! So, where’s this furniture?”

“My room. Follow me.” You led him out of the kitchen and down the hall to your room. You padded silently on bare feet, and his boots sounded heavy behind you. Your door was already open, revealing your unmade bed and dirty clothes on the floor.

“Excuse the mess.” You scratched the back of your head sheepishly.

“There’s nothing to excuse,” he said. “So, all of this needs to be assembled?” He pointed to the flat cardboard boxes leaning against the walls.

“Yeah. Thor really likes Ikea. In fact, he won’t buy any other brand of furniture.” You shrugged.

“His house, his rules, I guess. Anyway, where should we begin?”

“Well, why don’t we divide and conquer to begin with? You could start with that desk chair, if you don’t mind.” You didn’t want to give him the huge desk or the bookcases. Somehow, you felt that would be rude.

“That seems doable.” He walked over to pile in the middle of the floor. At one point, you had started with the chair because it did seem “doable.” You left the arms, underframe, and chair shell in pieces. Bucky knelt down and picked up the instruction booklet and a clear plastic bag of screws. He sat, reading the booklet. “Långfjäll,” he said with perfect Swedish pronunciation.

“Oh, you speak Swedish?” you asked happily.

“There’s still a lot of what Hydra put in me here.” He tapped his temple. “Some of it can be a little useful.”

You, of course, were aware of his story. After Hydra fell and he was reunited with his best friend Steve Rogers, he began recovering his normal personality. No one seemed sure, though, just how much he could recover. Now, here he was, sitting cross-legged on the floor, scrutinizing the instruction booklet. He seemed so harmless yet so very tragic.

- - -

You heard a grunt from the middle of the room. Bucky was hunched over the jumble of chair parts, straining to fit in a screw that would attach the arm to the chair. “It. Won’t. Go. In.”

“Easy, there. Let’s take a break and grab another beer.” You walked over to him and offered your hand to help him up. He took it, and it shocked you because it was cold and unyielding. It was his metal arm. You hadn’t thought about it because he came in wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt and a leather glove on his left hand. You hadn’t even thought about it until now. You kept your face neutral. It’s not that you though his arm was strange. It just caught you off guard.

“This is taking forever,” he said. “I’m sorry it turns out I’m absolutely useless when it comes to assembling Ikea furniture. You’ll have to give me some pointers. I don’t know how you managed to get two bookcases together in the same time I attached one and a half arms to the chair.”

“Well, I’ll help you when we get back.” You smiled. Somehow helplessness in strong men made you soft. Perhaps it was unexpected vulnerability. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be giving you a hand, not making extra work!”

You laughed. Really, it was endearing to see him so humbled by a desk chair. “You’re not making extra work. It’s nice to have the company, honestly. Thor tends to keep me kind of isolated.” You handed him another beer.

“Yeah, I noticed.” He paused to sip his beer. “I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to you at that party at Tony’s. Why does he keep you so isolated?

You took a thoughtful sip. “I think it’s complicated.”

Bucky just set his eyes on you, silently encouraging you.

“To him, I’m Asgard. I’m Odin. I’m the last shred of the life Thor has known for a millennium or so. He sees me as more than just a person, and I assure you that I am just a person. But maybe I don’t know anything about what he’s thinking. Despite appearances, Thor is a complex man.”

Bucky drank in silence, neither stopping you nor urging you on. You decided to stop. You didn’t want to reveal too much. You didn’t want him to think you had feelings for Thor, when you weren’t sure yourself. You were still figuring out who Thor was, too. Bucky’s silence was drawing out all these questions. So, you drank to shut yourself up.

After a few minutes of silently avoiding eye contact, Bucky stood upright. “Let’s get this damn furniture taken care of so we can relax,” he said.

“Good idea!” You led the way down the hall again.

“This chair is a nightmare,” Bucky said when he entered your room.

“We can extend our break if you want.” You flopped onto your bed on your back.

“Do you mind if I join you?” he asked.

You shook your head: “no.”

Bucky followed suit and flopped onto your bed on his back. He reached for your hand. His was warm and human. You interlaced your fingers together without thinking.

“Do you like being awake or do you wish you were still asleep?” He turned his head to face you.

You continued to stare at the ceiling. “I honestly don’t know yet. It’s all too soon to tell.”

“How old were you when Odin put you to sleep.”

“I was twenty.”

“Did you have to leave people behind?”

“Yes. My family. It was difficult.”

“Friends or lovers, too?”

“What? Just friends.”

“Did you ever get the chance to be in love before you went to sleep?” he asked.

You turned your head to look directly into his glacial blue eyes. “Not once.”

“That’s okay.” He rolled over to face you with his whole body. He paused and bit his lip in thought. “It doesn’t have to be love, you know.”

“What do you mean by ‘it’?” you asked.

“Something, anything that can happen between two people.”

“What would ‘it’ be exactly?” you asked.

“Does it need a name now?” He reached around you with one arm, planting his hand on the bed, and shifted his weight until he held himself over you.

With so much uncertainty in your life right now, what was one more nameless thing? “No, it doesn’t need a name, I suppose.”

“Have you ever been with a man before?”

“Never.”

“Is that something that would interest you?” His voice was now low and gravelly.

“I want—” you began. You thought of Loki and Thor, how what they said and did didn’t seem to relate. “I want someone to be clear about what they want.”

“Well, I can say for certain that I want you,” he said, voice still very low.

“You want me now,” you said. “But will you want me tomorrow?”

“Yes. Now tell me what you want right now.”

“I want you to kiss me.” Something hot flared up from your navel.

Bucky dipped his head and grazed his lips against yours. Once to the left, once up, and once back down. Then he sank his lips fully onto yours. He nipped at your upper lip playfully. You kissed him back hard, reaching up to pull his head to yours. You let him slide his tongue in your mouth and let it probe in and out. He tasted sweet from the barley in the beer. He tasted like dusk falling all over a meadow. His hair between your fingers was clean and silky.

He took your hand and guided it between his legs and gently moved it along his hardened length, which you felt beneath his jeans. “This is how much I want you.”

You blushed, but you didn’t withdraw your hand. Instead you explored the contours of his erection with your fingers, gently stroking it with your fingertips. He closed his eyes and bit in his bottom lip.

That’s when you heard the elevator ding.

When you heard his voice, there was no doubt it was Thor. “Y/N! I’m home early! I’m sorry to have left you alone like that.” His voice was getting louder as you heard his footsteps coming down the hall.

“I promise it won’t happen again.” He was just outside the door. “I sent Bucky Barnes to give you my message.”

He appeared in the door and stopped when he you saw you two sitting next to each other on the edge of your bed. Of course, you were still in your pajama shorts from earlier. No doubt your hair was a mess. No doubt you were blushing.

Thank you so much for reading! I’d love to hear your feedback!! Also, just send an ask if you want to be added to a tag list.

@reniescarlett @captain-winny @gottalovekidding @trashpanda-barnes @buckychrist @itsbuckysworld @marvelous-avengers @sgtbucketbarnes @loki-superwholockin @mywinterwolf @petersshirts @the-canary @whiskey-cokenfanfic @coffeeandpies @buckyofthemyscira @jamesbuckybarnes13 @tina8009 @queenofkings121 @heartssick @xxloki81xx @jewelofwinter @darcia22 @achishisha @imboredsueme @libbymouse @fitzsimmons-is-forever

Bucky: @gamorazenn @38leticia

[somarysueme]

WicDiv Thoughts, some overly personal

stiiiiiillllll can’t really put together my feelings about the end and epilogue.  I will say that I liked the ending and epilogue more than I expected to*, and the longer I sit on it, I find more things to like about it.

(* Except for everything about Baal and Mini)

That said, there’s still that huge, unpleasant gap between what I wanted/expected this comic was supposed to be, and what it actually intended/was. I wrote this post after 43 (the “everyone does the thing” chapter), using bits of a half-written reaction to 39 ("Laura did the thing” chapter) to talk about that gap. I decided to sit on it til everything was said and done Just In Case, but I mostly still agree with what I’d written. 

So Here Are My Thoughts

The full pantheon abdicating! This is basically where I expected us to go. Since 39 it seems like the natural place for the story to be headed. Laura’s revelations, along with the Daddy Forgive Us special made it clear that the only way out of the game was not to play it. I was kinda luke warm on that concept, but it made sense for where the story was at that point. I was waiting to see how it actually played out before getting fussy about it.

I give him a C for execution here. Maybe a C+. 

I thought Dio’s moment was great. Jon’s was beautiful. Inanna’s I definitely could have gotten behind if he’d actually gotten to have any of that arc on the page instead of getting put on a bus 30 chapters ago. 

The rest range from “meh” to “yikes.”

I could have liked this, I wanted to like this. Given how much “OKAY” has been miles more thoughtful than Mothering Invention, I was genuinely hoping to like this. I would have loved to see these kids find something more important than godhood to live for. But that’s not what we got.

We did get them realizing that being a god is not worth dying for. Which is good!  And essential! And basically the central conceit of this comic! 

But.

But...  

I really wanted to see our cast value their lives period. And while there was some of that, there was far more of seeing them be humbled. We saw them beaten down until they had no choice but to admit they Were Not Special (or at least, were not as special as they thought). I was hoping for them to find a capacity to value their lives because their lives have value whether or not they are special, but instead it was a story about being humbled, and I guess to me, I just can’t see that what young queer artists need is help being humbled. They need help being valued as people, they need the internal presence of self to command that value be respected, and they need the external support to give them a fighting chance at that.  And not to be That Fan, but that fighting chance doesn’t come from individual actions. It comes from worker solidarity and respect for labor as labor.  It just doesn’t work for me to have a series around the exploitation and consumption of young talent and leave anything material about money and labor practices out of the material.

(McKelvie’s My (6000 F) pantheon has unionized joke, but unironically.)

Anyway this comic was all about Don’t Let This Happen To You.  And that’s a good start, but I was hoping for it to be so much more than that. It could be that this is me looking at WicDiv and wanting it to say something broader about specialness and creativity and mental illness and exploitation. 

(There’s a lot to be unpacked wrt presenting itself as a story about the whole world through all of human history, while also intending to be  psuedoautobiographical for a very specific set of circumstances. But that’s not this post.)

It’s weird because like, Fandemonium already delivered masterfully on Laura learning to value herself outside of godhood.  Laura’s last pre-apoptheosis soliloquy about “I can’t save any of them, but I can still help them” was one of those wham moments that really cemented this book’s place in my heart. Living through Fandemonium and realizing that the gods were people, and needed actual love and support from people who cared about them as people, and that just being a decent friend is something worth living for, fuck!! That’s good shit!! That’s fucking excellent!! 

And for the rest of WicDiv’s run, I was always waiting for the story to get back to that place, but it never really did. 

 (ETA AFTER 45 IS OUT: ok fine I fucking love that Laura saved Luci. Big Gay Hero Girl drags naughty non-devil out of hell and they kiss, fucking A+. But “can’t save but CAN help” is still something I wish the comic had followed up on more. The friendship thing got touched on a little bit too,  but never in a way I found as satisfying as Fandemonium.)

So anyway Luci going Full Diva. Her future is this and her future is nothing.

The longer I chew on it, the more I like it, and the more it seems like the inevitable place for Elanor Rigby’s story to go. It’s a good continuation from where we last saw her have any scrap of agency, but also frustrating in that “the lat time we saw her have any scrap of agency” was basically the entire comic ago. It was jarring to have her go from [One Sassy Line Per Issue] to [Maybe I’m The Final Boss]. Her story suffered deeply suffered from all the time she spent off screen. But despite all that, I’m very much really looking forward to whatever the fuck Laura Wilson’s going to do about this. 

I’m trying not to get my hopes up for Talk Her Down ending. It seems perfectly in line with this series to end with the moral of “sometimes, no matter how kind or brave or caring you are, people you love pick their addictions over living.” That’s a song I’ve already heard live and in person, and I don’t really want or need to hear anyone else’s studio cover.

Uh final thought on 43 is.... Minanke DOES seem to count herself as part of the 12, which still lines up with my Emily Was Also A Fake God theory (Fauxmaterasu theory? Nokami hypothesis? Amaterasuspicion?) but it does seem unlikely to actually be a Thing between now and the epilogue. shrug.

(ETA AGAIN: I had to write out my feelings on 39 and Laura’s own abdication (unpotheosis?) to properly respond to 43. So here’s a draft of another unpublished post that I fleshed out.)

I have extremely mixed feelings about chapter 39. 

First Feeling: thank fuck the pregnancy plot is over. 

Second feeling: establishing abdication as an option established a nice overarching shape to this book. Things have felt directionless for many chapters, but this does make it seem like we are back on some kind of track.

Third Feeling: kinda liking abdication as a general direction for endgame.  For most of the series, I was hoping the whole that there actually was Something Important about the recurrence, but since it's clear now that it’s basically all lies, I like this this angle well enough.

Strongest Feeling: hell fucking yes to Laura’s shaved head. 

(Tangential Feeling: buzzing your own head is good and you should think about doing it. Doing it for catharsis in a moment of crisis is A-OK, but I did it once just because I felt like it and it was fucking great. banishing your high maintenance hair does not cure depression, but it does give you back an hour of personal upkeep every day and the fuzzy head is wonderful to touch.)

Contrary to most of the fandom, though, I absolutely loathed Laura’s monologue here, and the context that it puts around her not-choice. There’s a lot of shitty Hot Takes out there about how mental illness and addition and creation intersect. A lot of people will suggest that being unhealthy makes you a better artist, and what’s more that being a better artist is worth being unhealthy.  This series is unambiguously and steadfastly against that message, which is one of the absolute best and most important things about it!  I don’t want to diminish that.

But that all said, seeing Laura alone in the dark describing “an addicts moment of clarity” was... jesus it was all kinds of personally painful and upsetting. It hurt real bad, and not in the way I though I had agreed to be hurt. And I’m not sure how to spell out why.

I have thousands and thousands of words on why it struck such a sour cord in me, but a lions share can be summed up with “fuck absolutely every story where a Troubled Girl just needed to get traumatized/humiliated/humbled enough to Realize How Bad She Was Being.” Double fuck this one in particular for showing the girl getting over addiction/mental illness by literally sitting alone in the dark thinking about how much she fucked up.  That story is tired, and cruel, and dangerous, and thank Christ I encountered this comic at 30 and not 19 because I would have swallowed it down with all the other poison that Helpful Adults fed me.

But yeah though, her shaved look is fucking adorable as shit.  Neither she nor Britany made any hair mistakes.

ETA ULTIMATE: That last bit is the one thing in this post I don’t quite still stand by. By the end, it’s clear that the above wasn’t at all the story this book was trying to tell at all. I thought WicDiv was trying to tell some Epic Truths, Hard-Facts-About-Human-Nature shit. But despite the sweeping setup (All Across The World and Through All Of History) the book was using a complex allegory for a very specific situation (Selling Your Soul and Name and Life To Creative-Industrial Machines), and that made it muddy.  

(Insert Principal Skinner meme here “Am I out of touch? Was I simply interrogating the text from the wrong perspective?  No, it’s the original creators who are wrong!”)

I’m from a family of mentally ill, addiction-prone, recovering-Catholic artists.  Laura is in my blood. Half the people I love are Laura.  I have Laura’s painting on my wall and her books on my shelf. I’ve sat with Laura’s mother a few years after Laura’s death, as her father now slowly dying in the next room, and listened to her music for the first time. (It was good. It was really good.  And I never even knew.)

These experiences colored my read, but how could they not?  

I do now, I think, understand what Gillen was trying to say- the addiction he was talking about was to stardom, the attention and accolades, and free pass to make your own shit be everyone else’s problem. I understand now that the “art” that the gods made was always supposed to be Not Real Art, that there was no true “message” from their songs- all noise, no signal. It was never about Laura’s art, or even Laura as an artist.  And that was unpleasant to reconcile.

Because when you're Laura, or Elanor, or any of them, life doesn’t have to grant your ill-advised wish before it fucks your head and kills you. Sometimes you fight as hard as you can with every fiber of your being and you’re still in Hell. Sometimes you’re doing all the Meetings and self-reflection and therapy you can manage and you’re still a Destroyer. But the shit you create while you’re down there is worthy of creating. What you do with your too-short, too-fucked time matters. A fucked up life was still worth living because it was your life to live. And... I guess, from the story presented in Faust Act and Fandemonium, I sort of thought that this was what WicDiv was supposed to be talking about. I thought it was going to be about doing something good even when life is fucking you. But instead it is a cautionary tale that  that suggests you could have stopped getting fucked at any time if you had just gotten over yourself and said the magic words.

We spent half the comic watching Laura drag herself through the mud. Half the comic was focused on Her Mistakes, when so little of her circumstances were actually her fault. “Punish Ophelia until she gets over herself” is not at all what WicDiv meant to be about. I imagine the creators would be aghast to hear that’s what I got out of it. But the text is what the text is.  While it is intended (and successful!) at being many other very good things, this one really bad thing is still part of that mix, and that sucks.

Maybe I should have picked up on the discrepancy between my read and the intent sooner. Probably I should have just done myself a favor and stop reading once I did.

2016, 2017 while my life was going a bit to shit, this comic was exactly what I needed. Being in the fandom made my life better and helped me meet cool new friends and get through some of the hardest shit to happen to me since I was a kid. Then in 2018, it slid into source of frustration and soured promise. Now at the end I have no idea if I liked it or not. 

But that’s fine, now that it’s done. The ink is dry, the ritual is over. It’s just a comic book now.  Some pictures I still love and some words I don’t always agree with. A lot of noise, arguable amounts of signal, but not a song I want to play on loop anymore.

I have no real conclusion to draw here. I respect at how firmly WicDiv rejects dark and unhealthy parts of being a professional creator- especially unhealthy things that are generally just accepted as Common Wisdom. I don’t think it took enough care in spelling out what it was rejecting, though, and I do think it was remiss in not finding good healthy things to embrace as an alternative.

All of the above notwithstanding, I have to give it credit for delivering almost exactly what I wanted in terms of lesbian nonsense. That ain’t nothing.

I give this series ?????/∞ and am happy to be safely clear of Kieron Gillen’s Wild Ride

[flying-elliska]

Skam France End of S3 Questionnaire - my own.

I am so ready to enjoy Imane’s season, I will also never stop talking about s3 (I think we can all do both!!). Ever. It’s one of my favorite seasons of TV and media experiences and I can’t wait to analyze it to death. (I’m going to do the s4 questions in another post bc i want ppl to read them and this is already super long, fair warning) 

Favorite “big” clip : I already said Jeudi 17h32 (the bus stop farewell) but it’s such an understated scene, idk if it’s a ‘big one’. Apart from that, I love them all but ‘Vendredi 20h27 “T’es plus tout seul”’ just...did something to me on an almost spiritual level, I will remember it forever. It also give me a push on a personal level to reach out and explain some stuff to people. It made me believe in Love as the most important thing in the universe. I felt all my misgivings about being mentally ill and being worthy of love fall through the basket of my brain for one moment. Yeah. Also the parallel between God’s love and the Church and gay love, and that song, and seeing Eliott like that, and Maman Lallemant, and Lucas’ epic run, and the flashbacks, and the whole Petite Ceinture thing falling into place, dark/light and and and...yeah. Never will be over it. 

Favorite “small” clip : Several come to mind but I have such a soft spot for “Lundi 08h43 - Terre Promise” where they uncover the mural ? First of all that thing was much more beautiful than I thought it would be, aesthetics on point, and Lucas and Eliott being so open and unashamed like that made me feel so warm and fuzzy after all of Lucas’ repression of his own feelings and sexuality. The music and the filming are great in this clip, and I loved learning Imane knew Eliott already and seemed so happy for them, and the whole ‘you ask about politics on Christmas’ gave me such a family vibe. The whole ‘it’s a butt - yeah we gave it our all, body and soul’ was super ridiculous but in that way you don’t even care about when you’re so high on love. It was just super cute. 

Favorite romantic moment : There’s so many but I just can’t get over Lucas buying flowers and croissants for Eliott in “Samedi 9h53 - T’es pas comme les autres” even though he knows he might not appreciate it because he just wants to bring color and beauty at the edge of Eliott’s life ? As a mentally ill person the constancy and care and tenderness of it just moved me to tears. And it represents so much for Lucas’ journey beyond toxic masculinity too, and not being his dad, and letting his caring side out, and just. uggh. 

Favorite kiss : The first one, still. The symbolic of it is just...ahhh. It’s a kiss but it represents so much more - going beyond comfort zones, mutual recognition, stepping into each other’s worlds, understanding, the meeting of two souuuls. And the whole under the rain at night thing is cliché but it just works so well for them because it makes you feel all the relief and strangeness and right-ness of the moment. Their love is like a force of nature. 

Favorite line of dialogue : ‘Lucas, je t’aime.’ 

Favorite (non-Elu) character : Alexia Martineau, absolute bicon, I wish she was more present in the end of the season tbh. I love how colorful and confident and funny she is. Her style is goals, and as a bi plus-size woman the whole character is just therapeutic to me. 

Favorite set : La Petite Ceinture ! I just love the creepy-cool-poetic vibe of it, how well it is used as a character building tool for Eliott, how it shows a different side of Paris as a place, gives them a place of their own, how they go back to it later, what they did with Polaris, etc etc. I love the whole poetry of decaying secret places in general, it reminds me of places I used to take refuge in as a teenager, and now I really, really want to visit it. 

Favorite frame : The candlelit dinner in 19h25. That clip is a punch in the face, but visually, it’s so on point. It’s incandescent. The whole aesthetic of the clip (and the next) manage to be both romantic, and unsettling as hell. The whole idea of the houseboat with the fairylights and the light reflecting on dark water and the sounds of the boat moving.The intimate scenes that make them look like renaissance paintings with that golden light. The shots of that table in particular, with the candles behind the glass, and the two of them with the shotgunning and the blown pupils and the champagne glasses full of golden bubbles. The aesthetic is almost like religious iconography with the dark/light contrasts, light through glass ( the candle motif is repeated in the church scene) and the way it frames their feelings - it’s so f*cking intense, exhilarating, almost too much. It makes you feel both Lucas’ awe at being loved like that, how in tune they are, and the fact that Eliott’s manic episode is really about to surface, the brief descent into darkness to come. It does so many things. It’s gorgeous. 

Favorite Lucas character arc moment : Well, the whole of the season obviously, and things I’ve said above, how he cares for Eliott after his episode, the Remember scene, living his love out loud, etc. But in particular what sticks out to me is the articulation of the Jeudi 1h48 night scene, his coming out to Yann, and the Intervention clip because that’s where his self acceptance goes through the hardest point and makes it through. He lets himself come to terms with his emotions, and figures out that even though the reaction of the world might be hard, his own self expression is still the most important thing. He’s so brave in those clips, and the acting brings it to an incredible level. 

Favorite Eliott character arc moment : Again, the moment he says to Lucas he loves him. Because this is him, seeing Lucas and reaching out through his insecurities and telling him that what they had was real. But it’s also him validating his own feelings, believing in them, letting himself have this after a whole season of going back and forth out of fear of messing it up. He’s putting his own fears aside too, fears of being seen and vulnerable and daring for something better than a relationship that is just ‘okay.’ He’s finally going for it 100% and accepting Lucas’ love and his own capacity for it. It’s just...wow. 

Favorite other character arc moment : Daphné’s gaining confidence through the foyer made me super happy. But tbh, my favorite is Yann. He’s very underrated in general, I feel. He’s not as ‘ideal bff’ as Jonas or Skam It’s Gio, but his arc feels very important and meaningful to me. Seeing someone mess up and admit to his mistakes is super important. Because I feel there are soooo many straight guys who can learn from this - that casual homophobia is in the water of our culture and sometimes you just don’t realize what you are saying. And i feel, even though this isn’t directly adressed (and i wish it was) that Lucas also learns from this re: his words about ‘crazy people’ and what compassion and growing up means. I love Leo’s acting in general. Yann has a very compelling presence, calm (but a bit loopy at times), he feels deeply, and his betrayal at Lucas’ not sharing and subsequent realization he had messed up felt very real and mature for a 16 yr old. And how he embraces Lucas afterwards made me feel all fuzzyhearted. I wish we saw more of their friendship tbh. 

Favorite Axel acting moment : ummm every single minute he was on, like. He never once felt false. That guy is going places. One of my fave things is just the look on his face in certain scenes Lucas has with Eliott - how it completely lights up, and the contrast with his more closed off persona in the beginning. It’s like he’s a completely different person - younger, wilder, more alive, daring, unafraid, and absolutely thrilled to have found his soulmate. It’s beautiful. And the crying difficult scenes, how he’s not afraid to ugly cry and just go there and make it a real gut punch. He just goes through such a transformation throughout the season, too. It’s nuts to me they didn’t even film in chronological order. Lucas just seems so much more grown up and at ease in his own skin at the end of the season. Mind blown. But if I had to pick one : the look on his face at the end of Jeudi 17h32 - sadness to see Eliott leave, but so much happiness, and also like he’s coming to terms with his own journey and breathing for the first time ? So much in one frame. 

Favorite Maxence acting moment : tbh i was a little less sure of him in the beginning, but I feel like his restlesness and slight awkwardness and being a little too forceful at times (which some might have called ‘bad acting’) was actually a good acting choice ? Because Eliott feels so much, he’s so sensitive, and it would lead to feeling a little out of place around others, there’s so much emotion brimming under the surface he can’t always regulate it properly (I would know. it was painful to watch at times.) He really outsold it in the scene in “Lundi 17:21 “On verra bien.” where Eliott talks about his illness. That pain in his eyes when he says “I’m going to make you go through hell.” ? Ouch. He’s really good with his eyes in general, esp in the beginning when Eliott is the ‘mysterious new guy’ and the way he looks at Lucas at the end of ‘Not necessarily a girl’ ? Daaaaaaaaamn. 

Favorite (non-Elu) acting moment : Marilyn Lima as Manon. She was so good in every clip she was in. It almost made me want to watch s2 even though I hate Noorhell plotlines with a fiery passion. She just sold how bruised and sad and let down she was and it was a doorway to Lucas’ own empathy and feeling his own feelings, and reflecting on how true love should be supportive in the dark moments. Especially in the night time clip, they were so good together. 

Favorite social media moment : they were really good at it (we could have had more clips though) and my absolute fave is what they did with Eliott’s insta - the hunt for it at the beginning with the code, the cool drawings, the queer culture references, the somewhat alarming poetry, it all helped flesh out Eliott’s character in a way that we didn’t have with Even and made us fall in love so much more. The moment where we were all waiting for Lucas’ to discover Eliott’s insta (and the hilarity of the (probably made up) moment where Matteo/German Isak followed him first) with baited breath, was the most brilliant bit of intermedia storytelling I have ever seen. It was so cool. Also Emma and Alex’s insta stories made me like a Chriseva pairing for the first time, lol. 

Favorite music moment : Remember, obviously. The chorus, timeless feeling, epic rythm ? Just perfect. And Fête de trop : so powerful, thematically on point, made me discover Eddy de Pretto. Also brilliant use of piano music and how it’s related to them. I want a social media vid of Lucas playing ‘I love you’ again for Eliott at some point. 

Favorite bts/cast&crew moment : so many of them. But tbh I am especially grateful for Maxence’s openness about his own issues and his process on how he worked on the Eliott role. His Actor Factory interview where he talked about how mental illness can be so fucking lonely but life can still be beautiful had me cry like a little baby in my favorite café. It just made me want to be around creative ppl more, and dedicate myself to my own creative process seriously ? And his lives are also so cool. The dude in general is so effing relatable. (well, and cute tbh ahahaha). I also really, really loved Niels’ insight in the writing process. I haven’t stanned a cast this hard in forever and now I want to give everything up and try to write my own series lmaooo. 

Favorite fandom moment : all the theorizing and staying up late and shit was golden. I love talking with ppl and sharing the love. And it’s given me a lot more confidence in my own writing. But special love to the @renewskamfrance team and the whole thing, it’s been completely nuts and I am so happy we started this. 

��

Most romantic moment : I am realizing this question is a double but whatever, there’s no shortage of them. Eliott drawing Lucas as a hedgehog, the smooth artsy motherf*cker. And the insta in general. If someone made a cartoon animal version of me, that was also that fitting to my character, I would just ask them to marry me on the spot. I live for that artsy shit. I understand why Lucas was so into it right from the start. And of course the timeless cloud of queer intimacy that was Samedi 09h17. 

Moment that made you fall in love with the season : The piano scene, because it showed so much more depth in Lucas’ character. We were all Eliott then, falling in love with him and the season, and their ability to mix things up compared to OG. 

Most heartbreaking moment : Tied.  “Samedi 14h32 Intervention″ - I don’t think I’ve cried so much all season.  I’ve been there, too, and Lucas’ anguish at being ostracized and judged for something he can’t control, and his thinking that Eliott didn’t care about him, and Mika saying ‘you will have to keep coming out for the rest of your life’ all felt so impactful but the ‘fuck them’ at the end, so empowering.  It was heartbreaking in a good way, incredibly cathartic. Meanwhile “Vendredi 23:37 Une putain de lubie” is heartbreaking in the bad way lol, it stomps on your heart, the contrast with how happy they were only moments before absolutely brutal, and Lucille’s cruel words on top of it. Watching Lucas lose it like that was so difficult to watch, the panic of it, the absolute despair. But it was so well done. And of course “Jeudi 01:48 Viens on en parle pas″. So simple, so powerful, and we were all so tired when we watched it, it was super effective. 

Most funny moment : The ‘discovery of the butt’ moment was hilarious, also loved the boys’ reaction to Lucas telling them Eliott was his bf, the vodka sunday scenes, and the entirety of the scene in the second-hand shop with the scary dolls, but I just can’t get over Imane and the tampons in “Lundi 8:53 Quoi moi et Emma” , that was just pure gold but it also shows how good she is at embarassing nosy ppl and inventive and it made me want to know so much more about her. 

Most enlightening moment :  The season as a whole has made me think so much about my own relationship to my emotions and love and self-expression. After the ‘Remember’ sequence I really had this moment of....I can’t hate myself anymore ? It was so powerful. And episode 10 in general. But in earlier episodes, ep 5/6 in particular made me realize how much I was also repressing my own feelings and how unhealthy that shit was. The whole thing was just in general a process. And after the last clip I had such a feeling of general tenderness towards the show, the world and wanting to give love more of a place in my life.  

Best aesthetics moment :  Like I said houseboat scene. The use of light throughout the season, incredibly beautiful, But of course the painting thing. It was just such a perfect use of aesthetics to make a point in the story (i don’t really care if it’s not realistic). Now they are finally living out loud in all the colors of life. It was such a radiant affirmation of love and pride and joy. And the mural actually looked really cool, suprisingly (I was expecting a brown-ish mess lol). 

Best change from OG: The show was at its best when it changed things up. I love especially that they made their own symbolism. I love the whole concept of the Foyer and how much more integral they made it to the story than Kosegruppa, how it comes to stand for togetherness and diversity. I love the girl squad being more present and the role they gave Alexia. I love Lucas being a pianist and taking more initiative in going after Eliott (it’s not a diss against Isak, his awkwardness was so endearing and it made sense) but it made them their own characters. But I think my favorite thing is how they changed around the sequence of events slightly in the last episodes - Lucas coming out to his mom after Eliott’s episode and Basile’s talk is tying it together better, it feels like he’s thinking about how he’s treated his mother in the past because of her MI and it makes it part more of the learning process ; his mother’s loving reaction is a perfect example of ‘you have to let MI ppl speak for themselves.” And them spreading the ‘minute by minute’ concept over several clips gave us a more in depth look into Eliott’s condition, which I will be forever grateful for, the talk with Lucille as well as Lucas learning he needs to take care of himself, too. 

Best similar scene to OG : Overall I liked that they kept the story structure of the OG, because honestly, it just works so well - the Isak character’s trajectory from repression to openness to compassion. Sana/Imane’s speech about  hate coming from fear, not religion. The few episodes that focused on Lucas’ self-acceptance more than the love story.  

Best group dynamics scene : Intervention. Loved the complementary of Mika as queer guru, Manon as nurturing presence, and Lisa as comical outsider point of view being so out of it. But also loved the ‘vodka sunday’ dynamics with Manon, Lucas and Emma getting wasted, complaining about their love lives, the sadness but also the solidarity, Lucas talking about his love life so openly and making gay jokes about himself, Emma’s whole messy girl thing and ‘he’s just a p*nis”!!!” had me laughing for hours. 

Best glow-up : Lucas of course. More in terms of character perception, Mika. He really annoyed me in the beginning of the season, he was mean and uncaring and lacking in boundaries, it was toeing the line of cliché, and I love how they showed us more depth to him, that they let him be deservedly angry, and how caring with Lucas he became, while still being slightly annoying, and their sibling dynamic in general, slightly antagonistic but super supportive. 

Best social awareness moment : Mika’s speech, Yann’s apologies, and Lucille and Basile’s talks about mental illness. 

Best symbolism : Polaaaris. Also God is gay now. And the first clip/end clip parallel, with them counting minutes. 

Best editing/filming/technical moment : the Remember sequence, and how they made the scenes used in the flashback a little longer, giving us the impression that their relationship is actually so much deeper than what we’ve already seen ; the parallels with the priest’s speech, the sunny vibe of Eliott laughing vs. his face in the ending shots, the music, the acting, the running, all of it.  

Best/most interesting cultural adaptation : The Foyer storyline and especially the sit-in moment. So French. It gave me flashbacks to my whole class staging sit-in protests in middle school (at 13!!!!) already for the wackiest of reasons, already practicing saying fuck off to authority and being rowdy little shits. It made me miss my country. 

…

Least favorite clip/moment : Mercredi 13:38 annoyed the shit out of me lol. It started out so well, with the summer of love aesthetics and Elu being all cute, but that lasted all of 40s and then we had an extremely unpleasant moment of Basile disrespecting Daphne’s boundaries and Arthur and Yann pressuring her to ‘give him a chance’ and how the misogynistic song he sent her is actually cute’ and we’re supposed to feel sorry for him ? I liked the end of season glow-up for him, but this scene was just gross. And I don’t mind having a POV that’s a little bit more loose than in OG but in this clip, it just felt jarring, how Lucas just flat out disappeared. I wanted to see Eliott interact with the squad more, and I resent the idea that seeing them just be happy and cuddly is not worthy of screentime for some reason. UGh. That was the one moment that the show pissed me off. Also, in the scene where Chloé offers her apologies (good) I feel like they validated her outing Lucas so he had to come to terms with his feelings. (which is a really bad message and I wish they’d written that with a bit more nuance.) 

Least favorite change from OG : Overall, this remains my least favorite boy squad. The insistence on Basile’s gross, creepy humor felt overdone, and I feel they spent too much time on him. The idea that he’s been taught bad things by society about what a man is, fits the overal theme, but did we really need to know that he wanted to bang his cousin ? Yikes. And Arthur and the 35-yr old too, what the hell ? I just felt that their banter was a lot less natural and flowed less well than in OG. 

Least favorite similarity from OG : Really don’t know about this one. Most of what they kept was good. 

Most disappointing scene : the banter scene between the boys in 18:14, I always loved the banter between the boys in OG. Magnus saying stupid shit about gay s*x and being shut down felt educative without being heavy. Here there was way too much of Basile being gross again. And it just didn’t flow as well, the pacing was way too fast. A lot of the scenes that were a bit disappointing to me this season had to do with timing tbh, too fast. 

Something you wish they’d added :  I wish they actually had Lucas say he realized he’d say messed up stuff about mentally ill people.

Thing you wish the fandom would take away from this season : Chill a bit before drawing conclusions, wait for the whole season ahahaha. 

…

French word you will remember : I am French but I have never felt so validated in my overuse of the word ‘putain’. also saying mec/meuf a lot more. 

If you could steal one item from the set : Eliott’s camel jacket, I want one too, what a look. 

Scene you wish you could live in your own life : a lot of the romantic ones but also ? I wish I’d breaken into my high school to have a party at least once in my life lol. There’s a club next to my place in an old renovated school i reaaaally need to check out. 

Character you identify the most with : Eliott in general, Daphné for her overenthusiasm and awkwardness and spontaneity and optimism and drive to organize things. Lucas because of the whole trying so hard to control his image, being spiky on the surface and soft inside. 

Character you want to be like the most : Honestly, Lucas. Not in the beginning but his courage and his emotional intelligence and openness as the season progressed really are goals. It made me want to use my past painful experiences to extend compassion and be there for others, and learn how to be better at it. He’s going to grow into such an amazing man. And honestly his newfound pride in his relationship and pettiness are also goals lol. Imane as well, for how protective she is of her friends. And Alexia in terms of demeanour and confidence and funky vibe. 

Most relatable character moment : Lucas’ eyeroll. Emma and her lava lamp. Lucas being so immediately smitten with Eliott, because like, same. 

Fave fandom theory : lol I cracked up so hard at the whole ‘Eliott is a ghost’ thing, thx Billy Maier. I really don’t know why we were all so set on a bullying plotline, like why do we do that to ourselves lol ? 

Whew ! Well, if you read through all of that, you’re one hell of a nerd, and I love you !!! I’m doing S4 questions in a separate post because this is wayy too long !!! 

[theculturewitch-blog]

Dispatches from the inaugural Magickal Women Conference, London

The inaugural Magickal Women Conference took place last week in London, on the first, sweltering day of June, and I was lucky enough to attend this ensorcelled summit, lipstick on and press pass in tow. 

This was a landmark occasion in occult x academic (occademic?) circles, a groundbreaking gathering of female experts from various disciplines and traditions. So many magical women (and their men friends) under one roof! Little wonder then that the air was palpable with excitement when I arrived, stepping through the bustle of the foyer. 

Tickets for the event at South Kensington’s Queensgate Center – a huge, bright, (accessible) rabbit warren of a venue – promptly sold out, and since most of the master classes and workshops were at full capacity, I spent the majority of the day in the main hall, drinking in the combined wisdom of the day’s speakers.

[Rebecca Beattie on the nature mystic novels of Mary Webb and Sylvia Townsend Warner] 

There was a wealth of occultural knowledge on show throughout the day. My own personal highlights included the opening speech by esoteric doyenne Dolores Ashcroft-Nowicki, who gave us levity (“I’ve done ritual dress and I’ve done ritual undress”) and gravity in equal measure. I was deeply moved by Ashcroft-Nowicki’s words on what it means to survive. She urged us to think about our ancestors spiritual and genetic alike (a theme echoed throughout the day, in other talks): “We are here today because of those who came before us.”

As a working-class witch who spends a great deal of time thinking about lineages of survival, I appreciated this affirmation. I was grateful for writer, speaker and Secret Lore of London editor Caroline Wise’s comments on class privilege during her talk (on Fellowship of Isis founder Olivia Robertson). As a queer witch, I was also glad to hear Wise highlight the lesbian women who were  – and perhaps continue to be – marginalized by Wicca’s historical emphasis on heterosexual hierarchies within priest x priestess-led covens. 

Keynote speaker Christina Harrington-Oakley (founder of Treadwells bookshop) also touched on privilege, focussing on issues of property, ownership and leadership (#WhoOwnsTheLease) in both historical and contemporary occult communities, using the Battle of Blythe Road as an example. I was thrilled to hear her thoughts on power and gender in occult circles and how she – and we – might navigate toxic masculinity when it rears its ugly. She followed this up with a poignant reality check on the many obstacles facing the female practioners of my generation: growing wealth disparity; precarious housing; and a lack of IRL magical spaces we might access, let alone own. I enjoyed her nod to “pushing back the furniture” and the way women continue to map an arcane sphere over the domestic one. 

[Treadwells’ Christina Harrington-Oakley, giving the keynote speech. Photo credit: Jenn Zahrt] 

While Harrington-Oakley emboldened us to reclaim our ground, Shamanic practitioner Caitlin Matthews inspired us to find our song. When a logistical set-back temporarily halted her talk, Matthews’ showed us how an unplanned interruption might be transformed into a moment of transcendence, uniting us all in spontaneous, wordless song. What a thrill, to fill that cavernous white hall with the rising thrum of our collective voices! If Matthews invited us to send our song into the world, Alkistis Dimech (dancer, choreographer and Scarlet Imprint founder) prompted us to embody our magic via a rousing speech on anatomy, movement, science, sex, gender and “the occult body, which is the female body…the overlooked female body.” Like Ashcroft-Nowicki, Dimech is also concerned with survival; she was the sole speaker I encountered who referenced the very real threat of human extinction. Dimech’s presentation was both salutary and a call-to-arms, and I found myself delightfully overwhelmed by the time the afternoon drew to a close, giddy with inspiration, flush with new ideas and in the spellbinding company of new friends. I’m sure everyone who attended this lovingly curated event felt the same way. 

Huge, witchy gratitude to Sue Terry and Erzebet Barthold (pictured above, photo credit: C. Terry), who magicked this event into life. Bring on MagickalWomen2020!

[flamingkorybante]

Present: A Ritual for Queer Shame

This is a ritual for queer shame. I invite you to read through this with me and try it, even if you don’t think of yourself as someone that does magic. Try it with me as a thought experiment.

Let’s start by considering the possibility that ritual can change you. I don’t mean this to say that it can be a substitute for doing work on yourself, or for having a varied and flexible mental health toolbox, but rather that we are frequently prevented from doing work that we need to do by the fear that it will be intolerably painful, and that working collectively in practices that give us structure to hold that pain makes it easier to face, thereby making that work more accessible. This type of ritual (which can also be called katharsis) doesn’t clean out your basement for you, but it can break open the rusted-over lock on the door to the stairs, which will give you access to get down there and clean it out yourself. We can call this ritual “magic,” but we don’t have to. I’m less invested in the vocabulary than I am in the syntax, and all the roads up a mountain lead to the top.

So if the language of “magic” works well for you, we can use that. If you’d prefer to consider this an exercise in psychological and somatic processing using tools drawn from the work of Eugene Gendlin, Starhawk, Halko Weiss, and Bessel Van Der Kolk, that’s also fine. The important thing is that you try this with a sense of curiosity and openness to the possibility that it’s not meaningless.

Let’s start by letting go of the moments we have made it through to get here. Each you that you have been in each moment up until this one, every younger and smaller self lingers in your body. Their pains are your pain, but let’s start by letting there be a little bit of distance between you and them. Every time you breathe in, feel the space between the you that you are now and all of those past selves. It’s not a violent severing, it’s not a space of uncaring, it’s just enough distance that you can really see them and hear what they’re saying instead of being overwhelmed by the volume. Every time you breathe out, let those past selves feel your breath like a warm breeze in the spring, let them take in the information that they aren’t alone, that they are witnessed, that they are held. Stay with this breath for a little while, let it open some space up inside you and clear off any debris that’s accumulated in or on you.

Now let’s turn our attention to the present moment. This is the part where you really let yourself remember that you are an animal, that the substance of you is breath and blood, that the mechanisms by which you take in information about the world are ancient. Feel the boundaries of your body, your skin where it touches the air, your nerves thirsting for information. Feel gravity pulling you down to the earth and the earth below you bearing you up. Feel your breath fill you up and your body push it out, the eternal rhythm of your heart, the way the energy flows smoothly into and around the boundaries of what you understand to be yourself. This is a kind of being alive and being real that cannot be taken away from you.

This kind of base aliveness is also a way of being connected. The way your heart moves the blood through your system, the way your breath fills you, the way your nerve endings sparkle against the air — these are things you share with your ancestors, with your living families, and with your descendants. The family that is the lineage of queerness and gender nonconformity stretches outward from you in all directions, in all dimensions. Everywhere you look, wherever you stretch out your hand, they are there reaching back for you. Keep feeling the workings of your body as one of an infinite number of nodes in a web of connection and care as expansive as eternity.

Let’s also call in whatever other powers you feel have your back. This could be the lineage of the ancestors of your blood, your helping spirits, your god or gods, your own powers — whatever face you see when you picture the knowledge that you are not alone, that you are protected. Whoever they are, whatever form they take, let’s take a moment to feel their presence, to feel into the connections between you and them, and to breathe into the knowledge that when you stumble, they’ll be there. Let’s invoke those spirits, and call their protection and guidance into the space that we’re creating together. Hail and welcome.

Stay with these ideas until you can feel power singing along these connections to ground you and plant your roots firmly in the moment that your body exists in right now. Take your time with it. This is process-oriented, not goal-oriented. Getting through it faster isn’t better.

When you’re ready to move to the next step, let’s start to build a memory of pleasure. It doesn’t need to be a narrative memory, but rather more like a collage of sensations and emotions. What was the last joy you felt? What’s a sensation in your body you can remember that reminded you that being alive is pretty cool? What moments have affirmed the immanence of your body and the capacity of your spirit for wildness? What has given you a respite from anxiety, hyper-rationalization, dissociation, fear — even if just for a second? Hold those moments gently, as if you’re guiding soap bubbles together to make one larger bubble. Let them resonate in you as if you were a bell. Feel the harmonics of them in different parts of your body, let them sink into your bones. Let the different parts of it catch the light. This immanence is always available to you. This is yours. This is for you. You get to keep it.

Is there anything in you that’s standing as an obstacle between you and this feeling? Something that’s telling you that it’s not for you, that you’re not allowed, that it’s too much, that you don’t deserve it? Step back from this obstacle. Look at it. Feel the boundaries of it. Where does it live in your body? What surrounds it? What’s the sensation of it? Are there words associated with it? What does it say?

Let’s name this obstacle “shame.” This obstacle was given to us by institutions of control and has been being given to us our whole lives. It made its home inside us to protect us from being punished by those institutions. This shame is doing everything it can to protect the vulnerable places in us from harm, and for this work, we are grateful.

Let’s take a moment and open up a little room for what this shame is protecting us from. Being present is terrifying. It’s dangerous. It puts you at risk of deeply connecting with others, of seeing them and being seen in the fullness of yourself, of being rejected — or even worse, of not being rejected. Shame protects us from having to ask the question: am I really worthy of love exactly as I am now?

But let’s imagine, just for a moment, what it might be like if we could release this protection. If we could accept the fear, step into and through it, and choose freely to be present. Let’s imagine that moment just one heartbeat into our shared future.

Let’s imagine one heartbeat ahead into a moment where we can release this shame. A moment where there is no block or barrier between us and truly, fully, unabashedly feeling, being present in, digesting, integrating — our pleasure, our power, our connections. Let’s look into this moment where our shame is allowed to dissipate like a little twist of pollen in the breeze, and where in its place, our helping spirits, our ancestors and descendants, our families, stepped up to fill the space, to hold and protect us, to keep institutions of control at bay and open us up a space of liberation.

Let’s imagine this moment before us, where each joy we encounter, each beautiful sensation, each moment of bodily immanence, can surround us and fill us without any barrier, can stay with us, can live in our bodies and be available to us whenever we want to return to them. Do you have that moment fully realized in your mind? Can you feel it trembling on the cusp of this one? Can you feel what your body will feel like in that moment? Your senses in that moment? Your heart in that moment?

In just a moment, we’re going to take a step forward together. It can be a physical step or not — do it however makes sense for you, with your body, with how you’re engaging with this. And as we step forward together we’ll step into that moment, let it come into being through us, let it bloom inside us and be real. This is yours. This is for you. You get to keep it.

As we step forward together, let the shame inside you soften and melt and gently fall away. You don’t need it to protect you anymore. Let it flow out of you. You can shake or dance or cry or sing or howl it away, whatever you need to do to scrape the last little shreds of it out of your spirit. All your spirits, ancestors, everyone we’ve called into support and guide you, they can help you.

As you pass through the membrane from that world into this one, give a moment of gentleness to what you are leaving behind. You can speak to it as you let it go — name it, thank it, say goodbye to it or hello to what you are becoming. Take all the time you need to feel the transition, to let it move through you and wash over you.

When you are ready to be done, let’s say goodbye to the elements, entities, spirits you called in, thank them for their protection and guidance. Gratitude and love for the ancestors who walk with us, who laid the path we tread, whose light shines our way. Gratitude and loves to the descendants of our lines, those whose ancestors we are, those bright faces that keep us hoping and fighting and surviving so that they may bloom without ever feeling the shame we have been taught. Gratitude and love to the spirits, the elements, everything that held us together in this moment.

And know that when we go out of this shared moment, back out into the rest of the world, we go out with this moment of abundance and liberation alive within us. The energy we have raised goes with you. The step forward you have taken goes with you. The presence you have cultivated tonight can never be taken away. It’s yours. It’s for you. You get to keep it.

[kuciradio]

Music Tastes Good | Long Beach, CA 9.29-9.30

Music Tastes Good returned to the Long Beach shoreline for a third year in a row for a weekend of live performances and gourmet delights galore on September 29thand 30th. The festival featured various local vendors, a food-tasting tent presented by Mother’s Market and Kitchen, and an eclectic lineup of musicians, from New York rapper/activist/perpetual emo kid Princess Nokia to indie R&B crooner James Blake to the legendary New Order.

Giving off a large-scale farmer’s market atmosphere than that of a stacked music festival, Music Tastes Good’s mission is all about bringing people together and celebrating the Long Beach community through intimate experiences of consuming food and music. There was something for the entire family, ranging from kids’ activities under the Kids Be Good tent to wine tastings consisting of a carefully curated menu inspired by the musicians performing. Music lovers had the chance to shop for records and meet some of their favorite bands at the Fingerprints booth, as well as watch intimate live Jam in the Van performances from the comfort of lawn chairs.

Under the inviting shade of the Taste Tent, festivalgoers explored a culinary smorgasbord, one artfully-prepared dish at a time. Each plate reflected the cuisine of various cultures and told stories about the chefs behind them, how the flavors and ingredients they work with as well as the places they live have shaped their unique approaches to food. Featured recipes included the decadent smoked beef brisket biscuit (Chef Ryan Ososky of Yardbird Southern Table & Bar in Los Angeles), seasonal ceviches (Chef Arthur Gonzalez of Long Beach’s Roe & Panxa Cocina), Vietnamese tacos (Chef Sincere Justice of Mister Bolenca and Tacos Sincero in Oakland), and vegan carrot cake (Chef Dawna Bass of Long Beach restaurant Under The Sun). The bar at the tent served special cocktails based on the lineup, such as the De Lux Lemon Drop, a refreshing lemonade-and-vodka concoction named after the LA-based indie-disco group. Meanwhile, chefs led panels regarding their unique journeys in the world of culinary arts at the Taste Tent Demo Stage, their stories proving just how personal and universal cooking, eating, and sharing food are.

To continue the celebration of creativity, musicians from various genres rocked both stages continuously throughout the day. At the Gold Stage, fans jumped and rapped along with Joey Bada$$ and Lil B, two of today’s rap scene’s most beloved and active performers. Also gracing the Gold Stage was hip hop artist Lizzo, a body-positive powerhouse of self-love and dynamic vocal prowess, the latter of which was especially apparent in her soulful new anthem “Jerome Go Home,” dedicated to a certain scrub.

On the Franklin Stage, another rapper known for her strong stances on self-love and intersectional feminism was Princess Nokia, an artist who embodies the riot grrrl spirit with her “people of color to the front” policy. Refusing to stay in just one box, her set spanned both her rap album 1992 and her emo rock-inspired 2018 release, A Girl Cried Red, showing her versatility and punk sensibilities.

Indie rockers FEELS, a female-fronted group featuring Laena Geronimo and Shannon Lay, rocked the stage with their psychedelic garage rock. Cherry Glazerr continued the LA rock goodness as frontwoman Clementine Creevy, a seasoned rockstar-goblin-freak child at only 21 years old, shredded her way through songs new and old, from latest single “Juicy Socks” to one of the first songs she ever penned, “Teenage Girl.” On a gut-wrenchingly beautiful note, Big Thief, led by warbly-voiced Adrianne Lenker, bared their souls with modern classics like “Paul” and several tracks off of their critically-acclaimed 2017 album Capacity.

 Raw energy and talent flowed wildly as Shame, up-and-coming young British punks who sounds like an indie version of the Sex Pistols, sweated and spat while leaping across the stage with unbridled force. Turning his nose at traditional masculinity with a bright red pout, Ezra Furman expressed his frustration with the current state of the nation in his queer folk-punk amalgamation, full of spoken-word interludes, screeching, and sax solos. A mosh pit broke out as Parquet Courts opened with “Total Football,” raging on for the duration of their socially aware-yet-innocently ridiculous performance.

 This year’s edition of Music Tastes Good had treats in store for hardcore music fans–specifically, a set by supergroup Broken Social Scene in which they performed their quintessential 2003 album You Forgot It In People. It was even more lush and moving than any audio recording could capture; a true experience that will forever bond the people who were there to witness it to some extent, the type of show that you never forget.

 As if the weekend couldn’t get any more unforgettable, New Order put on an 80s dance-drenched spectacular, complete with a flawless light show. The group played hits like “Blue Monday,” simultaneously sounding as if they were frozen in time and aged like a fine wine—better than ever. They closed their set with an unforgettable cover of Joy Division’s timeless “Love Will Tear Us Apart” in tribute to the late Ian Curtis, with “Joy Division Forever” emblazoned across the giant screens. 

Perhaps the biggest spectacle of all was Janelle Monae’s Sunday night performance, a triumph of the production value of an arena concert and consistently authentic showmanship. Monae’s slick, afrofuturistic set embraced blackness, exuded female sexuality and queer pride visually and audibly, from her performance of “PYNK” in her O’Keefe-like pants (with video references to her rumored girlfriend, actress Tessa Thompson) to her fist raised in the air in solidarity with her dancers. Atop of a white, stepped pyramid, Monae and her guitar were royalty, her musicianship topped by no one as she sat upon a literal throne in her red, black, and white cape, one of several iconic costume changes. She owned the female gaze, comfortable with who she is while also encouraging her diverse group of fans to do the same as she brought them onstage to dance with her as the crowd cheered them on, epitomizing the festival’s goal of togetherness.

- Sophie Prettyman-Beauchamp (DJ Owen Chillson of Beach Daze, Wednesdays 2-4pm)

[bringinbackpod]

Interview with Hollis

We had the pleasure of interviewing Hollis over Zoom video!  Grammy-nominated singer/songwriter/producer Hollis (full name Hollis Wong-Wear) announces ‘Subliminal,’ her debut solo album out this fall. The forthcoming record was recorded during the pandemic shutdown, with artistic collaborations held over Zoom. The new single “Less Like,” produced by producer/recording artist Sweater Beats (Lizzo, Panic! At the Disco) is out today. The slick alt-pop track, reminiscent of a Clairio song, showcases Hollis’ “hypnotic” (Billboard) vocals.   The video for “Less Like” sees Hollis sporting eccentric 70s style dresses and jumpsuits as she traverses through flamboyantly colorful shape-shifting scenes. Shot and directed by Hollis’ close friend, frequent collaborator, and recording artist KO aka Koala, the visual was created by a team of queer and POC women, continuing Hollis’ tradition of collaborating with underrepresented talent. Hollis, who added “recording engineer” to her resume with ‘Subliminal,’ teamed up with Macklemore collaborator Ryan Lewis as co-writer on her upcoming single “Let Me Not” (Hollis earned a 2014 Grammy nomination for her work on Macklemore and Lewis’ The Heist, including vocals and songwriting for their hit “White Walls” and video production for “Thrift Shop” and “Wings”).  Single “Grace Lee” is a moving, introspective tribute to the late Chinese-American social activist Grace Lee Boggs and features writing credits from Hollis’ frequent collaborator and live accompanist Chucky Kim.  Community support, equality, and grassroots mobilization drive many of Hollis’ initiatives. The tour concept for her February 2020 EP half-life, “Hollis Does Brunch,” was designed to unite artists, small business owners, and organizers in person; during the pandemic, she pivoted to live-streamed Sunday gatherings. The series raised close to $30,000 for COVID mutual aid, Black-led organizing, and community causes, leading the Seattle Times to call it “an unexpected grassroots fundraiser.” Hollis’ early days as a teen slam poet and spoken word artist — along with inspiration from Seattle’s grassroots hip hop scene and its intersection with social justice — laid the groundwork for her ongoing appearances as a speaker and moderator. Hollis speaks on topics such as empowered creativity and independent artistry. She is a host and writer for Breaking Down the Biz with Splice (“What is Music Copyright?”) and the lead producer of Take Creative Control: The Series, a program that features artists of color and their personal and professional stories as it relates to intellectual property law. She is also a co-curator of Bravespace, a compilation of Asian American recording artists and composers presented by the Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center, due for release this fall (and including Hollis’ track “Subliminal”).   About Hollis Wong-Wear: Hollis is a modern-day Renaissance woman: recording artist, vocalist, songwriter, creative producer, and community advocate. With her roots in spoken word and slam poetry through the nationally recognized Youth Speaks program, Hollis is passionate about how creativity and the arts fuel and shape civic discourse and is dedicated to lending her voice and capacities towards vibrant social equity. Known best for her collaborations with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ("White Walls," for which she was Grammy-nominated), Shawn Wasabi ("Otter Pop") and her band The Flavr Blue, Hollis' solo music -- which she calls existential alt or "sad girl jams" -- showcases her singular voice and rich, daring lyricism. Her debut solo EP half-life was released in February 2020; her self-directed video for her single "All My Weight" premiered on Billboard, and she was named one of Pigeons & Planes' Best New Artists 2020 upon its release. Originally from the Bay Area, Hollis Wong-Wear emerged from the independent hip hop scene in Seattle and has become an in-demand songwriter in her current home of Los Angeles. Alongside her music, Hollis is an impassioned advocate for empowered creativity, a Google Next Gen Policy Leader, and is a frequent featured speaker on the intersection of art, activism, and creators' rights. We want to hear from you! Please email Tera@BringinitBackwards.com. www.BringinitBackwards.com #podcast #interview #bringinbackpod #Hollis #HollisWearWong #Mackelmore #zoom #aspn #americansongwriter #americansongwriterpodcastnetwork Listen & Subscribe to BiB Follow our podcast on Instagram and Twitter!  source https://www.spreaker.com/user/14706194/interview-with-hollis