#it's almost 5 am and this is prob shit but I AM DONe

[zuuriell]

i felt like doing something so imma do this for the month! i’ll put all my answers below the cut because it’ll probably get quite long lol

1. Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (aka POTS)

2. well, it’s pretty complicated 😭 i’ve had some symptoms for probably like a year, but around late april/early may this year i couldn’t even shower or stand up too long from how bad it got. the uk healthcare system is absolute shit though, so even tho i’ve been a&e multiple times and tried to explain how much it’s all been affecting me, i still don’t get to see a cardiologist until february 2024 :( but we’ve ruled out other options of what it could be, and my mum’s cardiologist friend agreed when i said i thought i had POTS, and my GP agrees, and my potsie friends agree so i’m kinda like unofficially diagnosed as of now?

3. relating to the last point, i am not officially diagnosed yet because of the slow asf NHS so yeah :,) but i mean to figure out what i was experiencing was POTS, it did take me like 8 months? but probably around 10 for me to accept the fact that i most likely have it too 😭 an official diagnosis unless i can rack up the money to go private is probably gonna take me like another year at this rate, but hopefully it won’t be that long

4. i have to pick just one? LOL uhh probably the blood pooling! it’s so annoying because especially when im out and about, i can’t be with my legs in the air 24/7 so it’s always bound to happen. compression socks help but only to an extent, and it stops me from doing so muchhhh :( it means that queueing for things and standing for more than a couple minutes is so so much harder, and if i have too much blood pooling in one day then my can legs ache for DAYS after that. it’s so painful and annoying and just aaghhh i hate it

5. on a regular day: i wake up, chug water which i leave by my bed for the mornings, get out of bed slowly and walk downstairs to make breakfast. i chug electrolytes and go for a short dog walk, then come home to do schoolwork and my family make lunch/dinner so i don’t have to stand around too long. i’ll make sure i get any chores done that i can, and i’ll try to chill in the evening

on a bad day/flareup: i wake up a lot later, have my electrolytes with water and only get out of bed when i need to. i’ll do schoolwork from my bed (if i feel well enough to concentrate), and have salty snacks rather than proper meals, unless my family make me anything. i stretch from bed to combat deconditioning, and if i feel decent enough i can have a bath

6. i don’t have access to any specific medication unfortunately, so i currently just manage with painkillers when my chronic pain is extra bitchy + anti-nausea meds when i feel sicky

7. salt sachets (the little ones you get at like mcdonald’s and stuff) to shove in my purse/pocket in case symptoms flare while i’m out, compression garments, electrolyte tablets, and a recliner bed so i can raise my legs more when resting

8. electrolyte drinks!! not the tablets though (i hate the taste of all the tablets except like 1 lol) - my fav is making electrolyte drinks from scratch! at the moment i really love iced lemon water with honey and salt. i also saw smth about this fancy coconut water drink to make so i may try that and it may become my favourite :0

9. salty crackers, salt and vinegar/ready salted crisps, mcdonalds fries (stfu i know these aren’t healthy but they’re my favs 😭), pretzels, nuts

+ my fav foods to dump a bunch of salt on: pasta, veggies and dips (SALTED CUCUMBER IS SO GOOD), pizza, chips, soup, risotto, probs almost anything i eat tbh

10. i’ve only got one pair but i love them so shoutout to my knee-length black compression socks <3

11. i don’t have any 🥲 i really wish i could have a cane or maybe even a rollator but my family make fun of me and i can’t afford one lolsies

12. i try to do some stretching in bed so that i can safely work against deconditioning, keeping very hydrated, trying to stay upstairs as much as possible so i don’t have to suffer my staircase, asking family to make food for me so i can save energy, taking pain meds when needed, having a cold bath (if possible), trying to keep preoccupied with work if i can, but if not i’ll watch movies on my ipad and stuff

fun fact: i wrote this on a flare LOL so oddly fitting and now i’ve already made myself a plan for the next few days!

13. the thing that’s helped me most is accepting that something is wrong and remembering to listen to my body. going through life pretending that i’m perfectly abled and don’t have anything wrong causes much more harm to me than letting myself rest a few days. it definitely isn’t easy though - i still find myself getting stressed over work deadlines don’t get me wrong, but i’d like to think i’m getting better at adapting to things and noticing when a flare is coming on so i can be prepared to take the time for my body to rest.

14. chairs are your best friends now. i steal the chairs/stools from the kitchen table whenever i’m doing chores standing up for more than 30 seconds. compression socks also help! OOH and if you’re using hot water/heated stuff and struggle with temperature dysreg, i usually grab myself a cup of ice to munch on or an icepack to hold on my chest so that i don’t overheat :)

15. i’m afraid i don’t have much input for this as i left school for health reasons 😭 but i suppose keeping hydrated, getting accommodations such as not too many stairs + being allowed to take more days off to rest for flares, compression gear where possible, staying high on sodium + electrolytes, and extended deadlines would be good!

16. i’m gonna sound so silly for this but i love rewatching my comfort stuff. i’ve got my fav youtubers + fav films/series all compiled in a list, and i spin a wheel to decide which one i’m gonna watch! other activities i enjoy though are reading, playing video games, doing goofy quizzes online, chatting with friends, and going on pinterest sprees!

17. leading on from the last prompt, my fav is a marvel movie - tbh all of them bring me so much comfort but my favs are avengers, black widow, loki and any of the thor films <3

18. my main support system is my wonderful boyfriend, kurtis @agere-tomhiddleston-imagines 💚💛 he’s helped me through so much and he’s so supportive of me no matter what, and i love him dearly for that (and how awesome he is in general ofc) <3 other than that, my parents are semi-supportive! they still get things wrong sometimes but overall they’ll help if i need things and they handle all the shitty healthcare workers for me so i truly appreciate them for that 😭🙏 ooh and definitely just the general online community of chronically ill people/potsies!! i love y’all so much 🫶

19. okay i don’t know if this counts because she was an orthodontist rather than a doctor/nurse, but when discussing me getting braces she asked about my medical history and i explained it all but said i haven’t been diagnosed so i understand if she can’t accommodate me. then she said to me, “hun.. just because you don’t have a piece of paper with a few words on it, doesn’t mean you aren’t ill. if you’ve got symptoms but no confirmed cause, you’ve still got the symptoms, and i’m not gonna ignore those unless you want me to” - the validation was so relieving after years of fighting for doctors to listen to me and believe me :,) ❤️

(i’ll update this throughout the month! <3)

[nathank77]

9/19/24

5:53 p.m

I really do want to kill myself. All day as I've done laundry and done whatever I had to do. Everytime I try to think in my head, I hear, "happy birthday. I've got a birthday present." It's constant. It never goes away and then when I talk out loud and narrate my internal monolgue it still happens but less.

I feel like I can't think clearly cause the voice is always cutting off my thinking bc I constantly hear the same shit all day and it's about to be October a year mark since my brain permanently broke and I became brain damaged.

All I think is "SHUT UP," every 10 seconds. I hear it as an auditory hallucination after I hear whatever phrase my brain damaged neurons hear. I've thought, "SHUT UP," probably 4000 times today at least. That's everyday for me. Yelling at my own brain to STFU and let me hear fucking silence.

I don't want to be here anymore. I'm never going to find a gf. I'm never going to get married. I don't even think if I found someone dumb enough to marry me that I would legally be allowed to bc of my disability status...... and beyond that I'm never going to have kids. I'll never be called Dad. I'll never have the eyes of my child staring up at me. I'll never hear the bird chirp and the silence that everyone else takes for granted.

I'll always worry about sleep even when I have a few good nights and I'll never stop hearing the same shit everyday for the rest of my life. I'll also win the case against Kristen. That's not much but it's something.

Regardless of if I ever met Kristen, I was still going to be single forever and never find a gf, a wife or have children. It wasn't in the cards for me but at least I could sleep and hear silence.

At least I could party with my friends, at least I could hear silence. It would be something.

I feel like on my last dose of antibiotics that I'm getting a bladder infection again, I feel the burning sensation... it's too strong and constant to be tactile. I prob built fucking resistance from like a 16 day course of antibiotics. Hopefully that stops soon cause idk what to do about it. More antibiotics????

Idk why I keep trying. I don't believe there is anything for me here. I don't think anyone will be affected by my suicide except Kristen who will lose her license and she won't even feel bad, she'll just be like fuck.

It's almost been a year and I've hardly recovered and the voice is constant. Sure the white mulberries help but I'm not recovered. Seconds of silence is all I get. Ever.

What's the fucking point? Wait for my mother to die. Mourn her loss and then take my life before my sister evicts me bc I'll have no where to go.

I have no joy or fulfillment. I have nothing to look forward to and pretending Elise Blanchette is ever going to be a thing isn't enough when I swipe right on a million girls and none of them think I'm cute and I rot away in my room going what am I doing with my life? I'm too brain damaged to be an anyone or have any quality of life.

What am I fighting for? I think it's unfair that Nathan only gets to exist for 13 years... that 21 years of my life I had to pretend to be someone else... and I'm not going to get to live 21 years of being Nathan. I was always Nathan but you all know what I mean.

It's not fair but I'm about to do it. Everyday sucks. I have nothing worth holding on to. I wonder if I'll fall asleep easily. All I look forward to is being unconscious.

[nctsworld]

sweeter than ice cream

✩ mark x reader (ft. jaehyun + johnny) | fluff | 2k 

→ summary: mark’s got a crush on the new local ice cream vendor. when he finally musters up the courage to order ice cream for himself, he messes up and doesn’t grab it by the cone.  → warnings: dripping with fluff, one swear word, mark’s a (loveable) dork/dumbass and talks to himself → prompt: You’re an employee and I have a crush on you so when you hand me the soft serve  ice cream I accidentally grab it by the ice cream instead of the cone

→ gif created by me, please don’t repost or share without credit!

Mark, Jaehyun, and Johnny opt to grab ice cream after dinner, like they often did on hot days after busy schedules. All is well as the three boys laugh down the street without a care in the world, until Mark notices the new ice cream vendor attending the usual stand. 

He can only see the side of your face and a glimpse of your smile that you flash at the departing customer leaving the cart. 

And that’s all it takes for him to stop in his tracks. 

Jaehyun and Johnny are practically at the cart when they take heed at the awestruck one left behind.

“Dude, what do you want?” Johnny calls down the street, unfazed by Mark’s bizarre behaviour. 

His eyes are still fixated on you. It takes a moment for him to realize he isn’t breathing; he gasps sharply in response. 

“I’ll, uh,” Mark quickly glances over at Johnny before turning back to you, but now he realizes you’re staring at him. In your head, you casually label him as the boy down the block, who is technically holding the line because the two guys at the front of the line are waiting for him.

“I’m good actually! I’ll see you guys at home!” he waves and turns around faster than he can even think, leaving the boys to get ice cream by themselves. Johnny and Jaehyun face each other with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Sorry about that. Our friend is a little… weird,” Jaehyun apologizes to you and you shake your head with giggle.

“No worries,” you brush it off as if nothing happened, give them their orders, and resume your shift for the night.

But you can’t help but be a little curious about their weird, yet endearing, friend.

The next time the trio visits you, your stand is on the other end of the block and your shift is in the middle of the day. 

The boys have come back earlier from their schedules than expected and are on their way back to their dorm when Mark freezes again in your presence, especially since you are right in front of him this time. He smiles unknowingly to himself, noting how you shine even more in daylight. 

All the noise surrounding him disappears; his heart’s pounding is deafening in his ears.

This time, since he’s in front of them, Jaehyun and Johnny catch on fast when Mark stops walking because they crash into him. The latter of the two grunts in pain.  

“Why did you stop-” the tallest of the three glances up and sees you directly ahead. The lightbulb goes off, thus Johnny spins Mark around and huddles with him and Jaehyun. 

Wary of how close you are, Johnny spits in a hush, “Mark, do you have a crush on the new ice cream girl?” 

“No, I do not have a crush on the new ice cream girl!” the youngest replies between gritted teeth, fearful that you can hear everything that is happening.

“Then why did you stop?!” Johnny mocks his body language, rebutting with gritted teeth. 

“Because I…” Pausing for a moment, he rolls his eyes to ponder a good excuse. 

“Because you think the new ice cream girl is cute?” Jaehyun interrupts with the truth. 

Mark inhales for a moment, ready to refute, but then sighs heavily, defeated. He grumbles, “Okay, maybe I think she’s sorta cute...” 

“Then talk to her! You get to have ice cream and get to talk to a cute girl. Your two favourite things in the world.” 

“They are not my two-”

“Excuse me.” 

All three of them look at each other with wide eyes prior to turning to face the sweet voice that belongs to you as you call them from a few steps away. 

“Sorry to interrupt, boys, but are you guys going to order anything? There’s a small line forming behind you,” you gesture shyly with your index finger. 

Guiltily, they see how everyone behind them is gawking at them. Without thought, they decide to step closer to the front of your cart, with Mark hovering behind the two taller figures. 

He tries to scan the menu to decide on a flavour, but also wants to steal a glance at you. At the same time, he doesn’t want to steal a glance at you because he knows that he’s going to end up a sadder mess worse than fallen ice cream if you two make eye contact.

“Is there pistachio today by any chance?” Jaehyun asks. 

“No, sorry. We only have green tea again.” 

“Ah, no worries. I’ll get that.”

“I’ll have-”

“Green tea, like last time?” you finish Johnny’s sentence, remembering what he ordered last time, and he grins with an impressed nod. 

Then, all parties face Mark, who simply has his eyes open like a deer in the headlights. Once again, he peers at the menu, but nothing is computing in his brain because he feels your eyes on him. 

“I’ll have, uh…” 

His filler drags on in awkward silence. You pucker your lips to the side of your face, mentally confirming how he truly is indeed endearing and cuter than you expected. Although you want to give him all the time in the world, you, along with his friends, sense those waiting in line boring holes into all of your heads, especially at the droning boy still staring mindlessly at the menu.  

“Uh…” 

Saving the day, Johnny chimes in, “Do you guys happen to have cookies and cream? That’s his favourite flavour.” 

You shake your head with a sad smile, “I’m sorry, we just ran out. Is vanilla okay?” 

Even though his friend is the one speaking for him, you deliberately look at Mark for an answer. It is his order after all. 

Then, he doesn’t think much of it, but he glimpses into your stare and, like he fears, Mark gets lost beyond the stars and galaxies of your eyes. Completely unaware of what is happening, yet all he knows is he’s putty around you. 

You’re unsure if it’s just the weather or the way the boy’s looking at you, but you feel yourself getting a little warmer with each passing second. 

Despite how your question doesn’t register into his brain and he completely has no idea what you said, he still manages to nod. One chuckle from you and a dopey smile forms on Mark’s face as you begin to scoop out the orders. He’s unsure of why, but he’s a little proud of himself that he was able to make you laugh. 

After you hand out the cones to them all and Jaehyun pays for the ice cream, the boys say their thank you’s (well, Mark’s thank you was an inaudible one, but you could tell he was grateful) as the people in line sigh with alleviation. 

During the next order, you peer back and forth between the new customer and the three boys walking down the street. You see the taller boys ruffling the endearing boy’s hair and patting him on the back while they all seem to lick their ice creams in content. 

Hopefully, when, and if, the cute boy comes around again on one of your shifts, you’d hope to have the cookies and cream flavour ready and in stock just for him. 

Over the course of the next few weeks, Mark tries to check out the stand whenever he’s free to see if you’re on duty. For once, he wants to be able to order ice cream from you (and maybe finally talk to you) without the pressure from the others. Unfortunately, you weren’t working the shifts when he came by in previous weeks. Fortunately, he struck gold one Saturday night.

As always, the line is long, but because it’s the weekend, it looks like it would never end. Regardless, Mark would wait forever if it meant he could be in your presence again. Waiting in line, he runs through the script in his head over on replay. 

Is there cookies and cream? No? Okay, I’ll get vanilla. Oh, there is? Cool, cool… 

No, don’t say cool. Awesome? Awesome! 

The line moves a little ahead and Mark treads along as he bounces on the balls of his feet with his hands in his pockets. 

Okay, awesome is worse than cool. Cool is fine. Cool is cool. Cool is good.

I’m cool. So cool. So good. I’m good. I’m goooood. We’re good. Stop saying good. 

God, I wonder what she thinks of me? 

He runs a hand through his hair, knowing that he’s about to be up in front with you. The customer in front of him drifts away from the cart and he drags his feet to make his way towards you. You greet him with your signatory honey smile and he’s already a goner. 

“Hi.” 

A beat. 

Two beaming faces. 

Wasn’t the third time supposed to be easier? 

“Hi,” Mark squeaks.  

Another beat. 

“What can I get you today?” 

Just like I practiced—

“Is there vanilla?” 

Shit. 

“Oh, did you not want-”

“I mean, is there cookies and cream?” 

Both of you talk over one another and giggle in unison. Mark rubs the back of his head. Similarly, you tug a little at your apron. The awkward ice between you two starts to melt. 

You nod, reaching into the freezer and scooping him out almost the last bit of the flavour. It’s not like you’ve been deliberately keeping a bit of cookies and cream ready in case he’d come by during your shifts. 

Handing him the cone, you meet each other once again with deep looks. He’s attractive, way too attractive for his own good, and he has eyes that are calm, yet have an underlying flicker of fierceness too.

Eyes still fixed on you too, entranced by your soft, gentle gaze, Mark grabs the ice cream cone.

Or so he thinks.  

Nope, that isn’t the cone. That is the sticky, dripping ice cream between his fingers, which is now dripping onto the cone and your fingers.

Perhaps he should’ve brought Johnny and Jaehyun around in case things like this happened.

“Oh, my god! I’m so sorry!” Mark bursts in apologies, frantically looking for tissues around to aid in wiping the mess up. He instinctively backs up a bit, then drops the ice cream scoop on his hand down to the sidewalk. 

“Don’t worry,” you drop the cone and manage to find a wet towel behind your counter to wipe yourself up, before you naturally lightly grasp onto his raised wrist to wipe him as well. It’s happening all too fast, but tingles rise in both of your cheeks. “Happens all the time.” 

You almost finish getting in between the crooks of his fingers when he croaks, “Really?” 

Shaking your head with a friendly pout, you reply, “No, not really.” 

As you finish cleaning his hand, you let go of him and rescoop up another cone for him. Thankfully, you have enough for two scoops. 

You raise an eyebrow distrustfully, “Promise not to drop it?” 

Your question may be laced with sarcasm, but you honestly did not have enough cookies and cream for another scoop if he dropped it again. And you didn’t want to see what disappointment looked like on him.  

He chuckles, causing your heart to flare everywhere in adoration, “I promise.” 

With extra effort and careful attention this time, he successfully holds onto the cone and begins to fetch money from his pocket.

You interject before he fishes any money out, “Don’t worry about it; it’s on the house.” 

A puzzled expression falls over him and he stutters, “What, no, it’s okay. I feel bad-” 

At this point, you couldn’t care less about the line of people huffing and groaning behind him. You’ve been waiting for this guy to show up on your shift again for weeks and something had to give.

Leaning a little closer to him on the counter, you whisper, “You just gotta promise me one other thing.” 

He mirrors you, leans a little closer to be almost cheek against cheek with you, as if you were about to tell him the biggest secret in the world, and tilts his head, genuinely unsure of what you’re about to say. 

“What is it?” 

“Next time you come here, and feel free to bring your friends for moral support, but…” he winces at the mention, but you persist, “...You gotta ask me out on a date.” 

Mark breaks away for a second, enough for you to see him nodding to himself. With a lick of his lips, he pierces your gaze, that flicker of fierceness hinted previously burning intensely now, and he whispers—

“I think I can manage that.” 

[clownpi]

Fucken wild idea (you can use it if you want, I'll probs never make a fic in my life, I cant write for shit)

Jinx has a mental breakdown while living with Silco at like age 14 (before Vi gets out of prison) and thinks she's going to jinx Silco and getting independence for Zaun and pulls a journey to the west (yes I have been rereading the jttw don't @ me) and goes on a pilgrimage to find enlightenment/ how tf not to be a Jinx to everyone around me, everyone thinks she's fucken dead coz this was entirely impromptu, including Ekko and Zeri (she's there). And Jinx just kinda travels the world meeting new people making enemies and friends along the way including one "special" Demacian *wink* *wink*. She ultimately makes her way to shurima (note Janna has been guiding her journey) and finds like this sunken temple that was dedicated to Janna full of forgotten ancient relics and scripture detailing Zaun and Jannas history. And Jinx is all like tf do I do? And Janna visits her in her dreams and is like, daughter of mine, rewrite our old scripture and traditions into modern zauns language and once you've done become my priestess and bring back our culture to Zaun. And jinx is like seems legit and does that for like 2 and a half years (she's like 18 after this) and makes her way back to Zaun

Meanwhile back at the twin city's, Caitlyn broke Vi out of prison to help with her investigation, Vi finds out from sevika that jinx is probs dead, and Ekko basically confirms it, shit happens Zaun gets it's independence, a year goes by and Jinx 5 years older one pilgrimage and religious awakening later has finally made it back home to Zaun and Silco, Silco of course is ecstatic to have his daughter back and wants to show off to Zaun and Piltover that the princess and heir of Zaun has finally returned, Jinx is like umm dad, Ive had like a religious awakening and such and went on a pilgrimage across the world and I brought back a bunch of scripture of Janna and the church of the storm and I'm basically a priestess now can we umm get Jannas old church back up and running? Silco of course agrees, anything for his little girl. A gala at Piltover rolls around and what's the best way to announce the return of the princess of Zaun then to upstage a piltoven event? So Jinx and slico and the other chembarons go to the gala and guess who's there, Caitlyn, Vi, Ekko and Zeri also Lux and a bunch of Jinx's friends from around the world (jinx has so many political connections it's scary)

You can kinda imagine what happens next, Vi , Ekko and Zeri freak the fuck out, Jinx/powder is alive what? Ekko and Zeri are like do we need to fight she works for Silco, but this is a gala and Jinx is clearly been invited judging by her dress. While Vi is all like at first HOLY SHIT POWDER IS ALIVE, WHAT THE FUCK IS SILCO DOING WITH HER, WHY THE FUCK IS HE WITH HER, GET TF AWAY FROM MY SISTER! Jinx is like Vi wtf ,don't make a scene and drags her off. Caitlyn is all the while awkwardly standing there not really know what to do but be kinda excited to know that vis innocent baby sister is alive, and is like new sister pog as well as the fact she seems to be very close to a Crownguard who has been basically been a bodyguard and shadowed her the entire evening which can only mean good things(Ekko never had the heart to tell Vi jinx worked for Slico, and Vi just talked about her little sis to Cait all the time and Cait has gotten attached to her even tho she's never met her)

Eh can't be bothered to keep going, it's like past 12 am for me and I need to do work tomorrow

Night clown

We Prince of Egypt AU now, love it (I know the movie is based on the bible, but I've never read it so Prince of Egypt AU it is). Jinx having a spiritual journey just like Moses did while wandering through a desert.

You could almost cut everything and just focus on Shurima adventures too, especially if you wanted to have Jinx interaction with the colourful Shurima champs (or actively try to ignore them while doing her translations only to have them constantly bug her). Jinx could still have traveled all over the place, but you could keep it to backstory or references just to keep the story focused, anything you'd want more detail in could just be side stories.

Like Jinx has holed up in an old catacomb or something and just is constantly interrupted. Nasus could stop in to teach her how to read ancient Shuriman (useful, Jinx likes), which then makes Renekton come bursting in to fight (even when Nasus isn't there and after the first couple times of Jinx actually fearing for her life she just kinda gets used to it and tells him Nasus isn't there much to Renekton's disappointment).

Sivir could show up initially thinking it was a new tomb to explore only to find Jinx, somehow they hit it off and Sivir starts bugging her to raid tombs together since Jinx is an explosives expert + her lessons with Nasus means she can read ancient Shuriman and knows a lot about old architecture.

That could then lead Azir (leaning on his interactions with Sivir from LoR) to showing up trying to use Jinx as a means of getting close with Sivir or even just learning what she's doing, because she wants nothing to do with him. He'd just call her Scribe or something like "Scribe, how was my great granddaughters day? Did she....mention me at all?" Have Azir go off on "For your usefulness to me over the years I shall consider you an honorary Shuriman when Shurima finally rises to its true splendor under my rule! Feel pride in earning such a status Scribe! Maybe even Royal Scribe may be in your future should such usefulness continue!" to which Jinx just goes "Yeah sure, cool."

Taliyah could be the one normal friend she actually likes to see because when she see's Jinx is busy she'll just come back another time while leaving a note. They can go sand surfing together and Taliyah would deliver Jinx's mail correspondence with the other people she met on her journey to keep in touch.

Not really sure about the other Shuriman champions. Would be funny if Jinx went "You know, I think you're my favourite of all the Shuriman weirdos I've met, you keep things simple y'know?" towards Rammus who just responds with "OK" While with Amumu it's "Y'know I get you, but I'm still not hugging you. Maintain our agreed upon distance."

The reason so many years pass before Jinx finally leaves is because of the constant interruptions, but through it she ascends (hehe) to a level of patients not previously thought possible. She gets so used to dealing with the constant interruptions from these Gods and other powerful beings she doesn't even blink and just accepts it.

Upon actually returning to Zaun would be kinda funny if people were more weirded out at how incredibly mellow Jinx is than the fact she's actually back.

At that Gala would be where she could interact with the others she met on her journey. Everyone could be weirded out at the Shuriman delegates just approaching Jinx going "Scribe, Emperor Azir wishes to seek your wisdom on a most important topic. He wishes to know if you have any knowledge as to what Lady Sivir's favourite food might be? Emperor Azir wishes to gift her such for his upcoming visit."

Idk, does sound like a fun idea that I might possible look into doing something for (adding it to the pile ;-;) since Shurima is a pretty neat place which also bleeds into my childhood love of Egypt (I wanted to be an Egyptologist as a kid :3).

[atomoxxetine]

The Cleric Who Cannot Cure pt.1

https://tenor.com/view/eddie-munson-eddie-eddie-stranger-things-stranger-things4-edit-gif-25801714

It’s about u becoming Eddie’s savior( Maths tutor )

Disclaimers!!!                                                                                                       

1. English is not my first language.

2. I don't know much about the '80s.

3. I know nothing about DnD.

4. I know almost nothing about the American school system.

5. The protagonist in this fanfiction is oddly specific and very hard to insert yourselves in. It's pretty much self-indulgence fic, but I just decided to leave out my name and share it with the world. ((The protagonist is the new Asian kid in the town.This is my plan for now))

6. I'm pretty new to fanfiction and Tumblr.

7. swearing  💀💀💀

8. ooc bc I binged and didn’t pay much attention except for the Eddie part.

9.prob eventually angst idk yet

I decided to write this to get Eddie Munson out of my head, hopefully. I haven't been able to function as a normal human being for a week now. No thoughts, just scenarios with Eddie on repeat. 

.

.

.

"Hi! Ms.O'Donnell assigned me to tutor Maths for you-uh-Debbie?" Glancing at your sweaty palm mid-sentence because you are unbelievably bad with names, you announced. Burst into the room, check. Talk to Debbie, fuck, you have to identify her first. Oh shit, this is it. You already started the conversation. There is no going back now. What if Debbie is not in the club today?? But Debbie is a girl's name, and there's only one girl in this room so that’s still alright. There was a burst of sudden laughter right after you finished the sentence. What the hell is going on, why are they all laughing? Did you pronounce something wrong? Is she not Debbie?? Fuck. This is so scary. And what in the world is this club doing in this bloodcurdling room??  "Lady Applejack, perhaps you got too carried away with all this D&D. Is your new persona named Debbie? I thought you know better than to come up with this awful name." A voice boomed from behind the screen with a little chuckle. Fuck, you almost squealed. Didn’t know there was a person there. Your heart is pumping the blood so fast, the gushing sound almost drowns every other noise." And I thought you freak knew better than to assume I am bad at something." The girl in front of you retorted. Oh no. Did you cause a commotion? What is going on? If she is not Debbie then who is Debbie?? "There ain't no Debbie in this room. Are you mistaking something?" she asked, looking back at you. "I...I'm pretty sure I come to the right place." You hesitantly read out the smudged scribble on your hand. Thank god for the script. "...Debbie Munson, Hellfire club?" Followed suit by another laughter, even louder than the first time. Fuck, you wished the ground would just swallow you. This is so not worth it! Just for some extra points and to be in Ms. O'Donnel's grace. And what is so fucking funny?? "Debbie Munson! Debbie the freak Munson!!!" A boy roared while rolling on the floor from all that laughing. "Hey, hey, tone it down, tone it down, boys." The voice belonged to the man who suddenly emerged from behind the screen. Thank god, I’m saved. "Do you seriously don't know Eddie The Freak Munson?" The boy who was still on the floor quipped. You panicked. What??? Eddie??Freak?? What have you gotten yourself into? That kinda explains the sketchy room and suspicious club name.Wait..is this a cult?? "I-I haven't been familiar with Hawking's customs yet. I-is this something I'm supposed to be a-aware of?" you spluttered. "DUDE!" "Dustin, you are going to scare her off!" The man finally walked out to greet you. "Told you! This is my year! They are already sending me my cleric! Oh, dear cleric, please heal me from all the damage Calculus has done to me." The man who you think is Eddie said while feigning a heart attack. You flinched with widened eyes from the sudden actions. You are going to be so dead by the end of the day. It’s either from your own anxiousness or these scary people sacrificing you to satan. And what is a cleric? Why are you the cleric? What the hell are they talking about? "Talking about scaring her off." scoffed a taller kid. You gained back your composure, which you have little to none since the beginning. Think y/n, think. What should you do next, if you don’t want to be dead?

[gallifreystands]

****Zombies, Run! Season 5 spoilers**** (so sorry this is so long 🙈)

Okay okay okay okay. So. I ran Sail Away yesterday yeah? And uh A. Holy shit Sigrid what the *fuck* why are you *like* this and B. The De Luca siblings bring me such joy (and heartache 😭) but really C. Peter Necropolis 🧐 okay. So I red string board theoried hard the other night and came up pretty blank as far as minor characters that would know what he knows about Abel. In my searching I realized/remembered that the circus he was working at *was* all about Abel? And that seemed odd at the time but quickly was lost in the chaos that was that episode. But looking back 🤨 strange as hell.

And then!! Paula says at the beginning that she is doing fine because zombie physiology/accelerated healing. And I was thinking “oh, fuck. I forgot about that” because like. If Paula has accelerated healing, she was probs tested on by Van Ark right? The only other people we know of for sure tested on by Van Ark was me/Five, Sara, and Simon. I suppose its possible that baby Sara has been tested on too by Veronica in a similar fashion, who knows what on *earth* she did to her. So. It’s possible he tested on other people, there was def evidence of that at his base when he kidnaps and tortures Five in Season 2. So does this link back to him somehow?

And so my mind is spinning at this point trying to think of people connected to Van Ark who would know about us. And so I keep running. Peter/Tom made me laugh out loud while I was running, and then we get on a ship yeah? And then Peter recognizes the label and Maxine starts talking about Comansys and the ships and what Five did… and so I’m just caught in this whiplash of emotions but Peter *recognized* the Comansys logo. The ones Maxine recognized. Because she was on the ship. So I stuck that fact in the back of my brain while running so I could go back later and review who else was on those ships before they blew up.

And I keep running and shenanigans occur and there are legit bounty hunters after us and Tom is really growing on me as a character 🥺 But then Maxine makes a comment about the yacht and how she thought she was going to die on the flotilla, that she was already dead. And Paula and Sam agree saying they know what that feels like (because they’ve both almost died/faced death because of zombies) And then Peter says he does too! …. Because of the circus. Of course. The circus. And THEN HE SAYS “Oh, it’s all so zombie, isn’t it? Just at the point that it seems life is done with you, no! You’re back for another round”

And I freeze. Because no. It can’t possibly be, right? There’s no goddamn way. This doesn’t make sense. And I keep running with my mind spinning connecting a bunch of dots and I get back to my house and go back and listen to clips of Peter and it clicks who he sounded like last episode. His voice is different, obviously, completely different accent. But his jokes and inflections and manner of speaking is… Simon? Right? I feel like I’m missing a dot because again, this doesn’t make sense. But, Simon WAS ON the fucking Comansys ship. Thats how he got the serum to come get Five in Shoot the Runner. He would know about Sam and Jody. He *would* be surprised and shocked and emotional to see Janine alive if he thought she was dead. He was eaten alive by zoms so he would be wary of them now, and know what it feels like to almost die… and then come back. He would know about New Canton, and it explains why its changed so much since he was last there. He would know about the Comansys tower blowing up because he was there when it *did*.

But like? We don’t recognize him and Janine didn’t even know who he was and I’m so confused as to how that happened. Why is his voice different? What the fuck? Am I going insane? Is this an off the wall fucking theory? Am I probably wrong and just really hoping he’s back 🥺 Yes. Probably to all lmao. But like then I was thinking about it and Simon *Peter*. Like from the Bible. Betrayed/denied Jesus three times and then lived his life trying to do good after that. He *would* pick a biblical ass name like that for himself. There are SO MANY CONNECTIONS if I’m wrong I’m going to be so upset 😂😂😂 I really. *Really* hope he is in the next episode again too. Give me more clues!!

[lemony-snickers]

20 [Fanfic Writer] Questions Game

i one thousand percent stole this from @depressedhatakekakashi when i saw it and sat down to answer them all now.  i’ll put the whole thing under the cut because it’s l o n g, lol, but i’ll also tag a few folks if they’d like to play along.  i’m only going with folks i know have relatively active ao3 accounts off the top of my head.  if you wanna play, feel free to steal this shit same as i did. 😂

@myaekingheart @whatshernameis @chemmerson @kakashiswilloffire @kakashi-tsukuyomi

no pressure, obvs, but this was kind of fun!  <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

34 + 17 = 51 (plus there’s a few on here i haven’t copied over yet; should probs get on that, lol)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

141,984 + 379,165 = 521,149, most of it from this year.

3. How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

4 – naruto, cowboy bebop, boku no hero academia, justified

4. What are your Top Five fics by kudos?

long fic (just reached 500 – WHAT EXCUSE ME WUT – yesterday) ours (206) nice to meet you (204) when love blooms (159) first (156)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

almost every one.  i started in a pretty small fandom and really appreciated the two consistent readers i had who commented on nearly every chapter, so i got in the habit and sort of stuck with it.

6. What fic have you written with the angstiest ending?

idk, i am honestly such a wuss and i think i almost always end with Happiness, lol. maybe what cannot be forgiven?  i also have a one-shot that’s sort of sad under my other pseud, but honestly it’s just people growing old, so that’s different.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

i am gonna go with clan, i think.

8. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

nope.  never even wrote an au until january.  before that, i wouldn’t even read a fic if it wasn’t strictly adherent to canon.  i've grown this year, ya’ll!  XD

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

no, i don’t think so.  i've def been pretty lucky in that i've only ever received VERY FEW slightly rude comments, mostly just nitpicky stuff. definitely no actual hate.

10. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

lol, nope, never even heard of it…

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so.  my stuff isn’t popular enough for such sordidness, lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not.  yet.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

izuocha, probs.  never been a super shipper or anything, but they’re very adorable and wholesome and i love them very much.

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

honestly?  the college au that began my entire smut journey, lol.  i basically rewrote a scene from a kakashi/reader fic that made me BIG MAD and thought about how i would write my own college au, but… it hasn’t coalesced yet and i think it’s very clear that one-shots are much more my wheelhouse than multi-chapter fics, unfortunately.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i am gonna go with what i've heard from others because i cannot evaluate myself, lol.  i've had people compliment my character development and portrayal of relationships, and i hope that’s true.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

P A C I N G.  i will gladly spend 14 pages on a single cup of coffee and then .02 on an action scene.  partially because i don’t think i'm very good at describing action and partially because i just have no idea what i'm doing, lolol.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i haven’t done it much.  i have written characters who speak another language, but the story is always told from the perspective of someone who doesn’t understand it.  i think i threw in 1 or 2 russian words once, but it was all very obvious from context what they meant, so i didn’t have to provide a translation or anything.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

technically, i posted exactly one chapter of my naruto longfic before anything else.  but then it sat untouched for over a year while i wrote 100k+ about u.s. marshalls, lol.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

oof.  that's a toughie.  probably a fantasy au izuocha one-shot.  but of the lemony variety, i think i'll go with the wait is over because i wrote that shit fully for myself, lol.

[mayaree-darling]

Hii! I was wondering if you can write a scenario where the reader is a friend of Shinobu's and with her she teases Giyuu alot, which kinda has him annoyed with her. But one day, Giyuu is upset about something (probably his self doubt or him being tired of getting targetted at) and the reader finds them. At first Giyuu doesnt take them seriously but eventually tell her his situation and realizes that maybe he likes her? Im sorry if its too much, but if you do consider this, TSYM and take ur time!

Giyuu Tomioka x Bully(ish)! Reader

A/N: Haha first of all, no probs anon I gotchu covered. Second, of course this was fucking long because it wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t haha. And third, this bitch can’t read for shit because I read your request like 5 times and still didn’t get that you asked for a scenario and I legit wrote a full BONUS for a long fic before I finally saw “scenario” (I usually write the ending first just to get a grasp of how the story will go). So, yay! I guess you got a bonus haha I hope I did your request justice, though! Thanks for requesting OwO

＝＝✿＝＝｜✧••❀••✧｜＝＝✿＝＝

the Pillars are hanging around HQ as back-up for the moment because the demons have surprisingly gone quiet 

good for everyone except Giyuu apparently

coz Pillar hangouts meetings mean two of the biggest thorns on his side being there

namely, you and Shinobu

“Oh? It’s Tomioka!”

* cue Giyuu trying to speedwalk away *

boii is so used to out-speedwalking people he almost gets a heart attack when you suddenly link arms with him

(being the Thunder Pillar pays off for being Sonic Fast™)

Before he knows it, you and Shinobu are flanking him

“Eh? Were you trying to ignore us, Tomioka?”

“yes no.”

“Right! Of course you weren’t.”

“I bet you’re glad we came to talk to you. After all, no one else would, right?”

(Giyuu’s tempted to stab himself right then and there if you weren’t holding on to his dominant arm)

“Shinobu-chan, don’t be so mean to him you’re going to hurt his feelings.”

“Oh, sorry, Tomioka-san. I didn’t think you had feelings.”

“...can I go now?...”

it mostly goes on unless you’re occasionally called out one by one on small scale missions

one day, you’re bored around the Ubayishiki Estate when you see Giyuu sitting alone by a stream

and since Shinobu’s on a mission, you decide to “hang out” with him

(you’re not blind, though, and you can tell there’s something different about him)

(he looks a bit… jittery?)

“Hello, Tomioka!”

“Go away.”

Giyuu is honestly thankful it’s just you this time since you’re relatively “tamer” than Shinobu (still didn’t want either of you around, though)

“I said go away.”

“Did you really think I’d listen?”

you sit next to him and you’re a bit surprised when he doesn’t shove you away or try to walk off

“Aww, am I growing on you, Tomioka? I’m touched~”

normally, Giyuu would muster a glare at you at most

(Tomioka-san, why are you glaring at me like that?)

(Maybe he's hoping you’ll spontaneously combust into flames.)

(Oh, I see. Well, you’ll have to try harder.)

(May I suggest asking Rengoku-san for help, Tomioka?)

But when he turns to you, the look on Giyuu’s face is so sad you’re rendered quiet for a few seconds. 

“Tomi-... Giyuu, are you okay?”

“If you’re done, go away.”

You keep pestering him (your voice much softer than how you’ve ever talked to him) and just when you think he wasn’t going to crack-

“I promise to hear you out! No jokes of any kind, whatsoever. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

that was probably pretty childish for you to say, but before you can take it back, Giyuu turns to you, wide-eyed and

Oh shit.

You stare in horror as tears start falling down his face 

tHE WATER PILLAR IS CRYING AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO???

but Giyuu pulls at your arm before you can leave and get help or some shit

“No. I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

hE SAYS THAT BUT????

you  wait for him to calm down a bit before asking any questions

“I’m fine.”

“Obviously, you’re not.”

“I am.”

“Who the fuck cries when they’re okay, Tomioka.”

he’s quiet again, so you try one more time before completely calling quits

“I meant it. I’m all ears, no jokes. I promise.”

He stares you down for a few good seconds before deciding you were serious (for once)

And he couldn’t exactly let you leave thinking he’d gone completely mad, crying out of nowhere like that

Boii must be desperate or something if he’s telling you shit

“It’s my older sister’s death anniversary today. I was doing fine pushing the reminder away but my sister used to do the “cross my heart” thing when she’d promise me something. So when you did it, I just…”

Oh shiiiiiittt

You don’t know what to say, but you don’t try to say anything either because you don’t think this words would be good for something like his problem

(plus he’d probably take the words of his bully by a grain of salt)

“Come on. Get up,” Giyuu’s surprised when you start tugging at his arm. “You haven’t eaten breakfast yet, right? Of course you haven’t. You’ve been sitting here ever since Oyakata-sama called off the Pillar Meeting. We’re gonna get some food. Now let’s go.”

before Giyuu knows it, you’ve dragged him to the kitchen, already preparing a meal for the both of you.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like, Tomioka? I’m cooking.”

“No, I mean, why are you-”

“Food’s ready!”

Every time he tries to ask what you’re doing exactly, you distract him with something else

You drag him around the headquarters and to the neighboring village the whole day

You helped train some lower-ranked Slayers, did some favors for the villagers, tried some of the local delicacies

If Giyuu tried to run off, you’d drag him back

At one point you carried him to your next destination and it was at that point he decided to suck it up and let it happen

After all, it felt nice to help others once in a while and it distracted him from-

Oh. oh.

Was… was that what you were doing? You were distracting him from feeling sad…?

Well, if you could hear his thoughts then DING DING DING he was completely right!

You felt a bit bad since he pretty much started crying because of you and among other things

By sunset, y’all had to take a breather because you’ll be deployed to your assigned villages for stake-outs by nightfall 

“So, uh,” Shit. How do you talk again? “I hope you had fun today.”

Giyuu didn’t know. Was it fun? It was.. Okay?

“Don’t carry me ever again.”

“I don’t want to anymore. You’re heavy.”

Giyuu’s surprised you’re suddenly quiet when all he’s known you do is talk. 

“Sorry.”

Oh. He wasn’t expecting that.

“If this is about earlier, it’s-”

“No. Not just earlier. Sorry, in general. For making fun of you.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not” God you were persistent. “I just… I didn’t like seeing you sad or alone. So I tried making fun of you to get a reaction. You never smiled, but I thought seeing you angry or annoyed was better than nothing, so… That doesn’t excuse the stuff I’ve said. I’ll stop now, I promise.”

You… didn’t like seeing him sad or alone…?

You’d tease him just to rile him up? Just so he wasn’t sad?

That was a little fucked up, to be honest, but it was well meant enough. 

It was also the most thoughtful thing someone had done for him in a while no matter how fucked up your tactics were 

“Thank you. For today.”

You look up from twiddling your thumbs and smile. 

“No problem! Now come on. It’s time for dinner!”

Giyuu blinks because this is the first time you smile at him like that. No jokes of any kind, whatsoever.

You both had a long way to go, but it was definitely a start. 

“Let’s go, then.”

Maybe you weren’t as bad as he thought you were.

❀BONUS (bcoz I am dumbass)❀

You hung your head down in shame, a smile frozen in place as you chose to stare at Shinobu’s feet than meet her judging stare.

“Are my sandals that interesting, (F/N)-chan? I can show you where I bought them, if you want,” Shinobu asked in her usual singsong voice, making a shiver crawl down your spine. Ah, so this is what other people felt like. You were mostly part of the teasing side of a conversation with Shinobu than the one being teased. It was rather intimidating. “But I’d appreciate it if you’d answer my question first.”

“S-Shinobu-san, please calm down,” Mitsuri said, but her words weren’t quite that effective when she was cowering behind you.

You weren’t getting out of this easily, that was for sure. Might as well face it head-on.

“Sorry, Shinobu-chan, what was your question again?” you asked, straightening your posture, the same annoyingly pleasant smile on your face. Shinobu’s smile seemed to widen at the sight whilst Mitsuri paled at both of your auras. 

“How on earth did you go from this-” Shinobu motioned to the two of you, before pointing to a certain group across the courtyard. “-to that?”

You mustered the will-power to casually look over to where she was pointing, immediately regretting your decision as you tried to subtly calm your suddenly rapidly beating heart. Giyuu was flanked by most of the male Pillars, most likely going through the same shit you were going through right now. Sanemi had walked out earlier, saying something about “too much shit happening in one day”. Obanai had stuck around to make sure this wasn’t another elaborate prank by you.

It’s been months since you and Giyuu had built a sort of friendship that day you dragged him all around the place. But after today’s Pillar Meeting, you and Giyuu had just announced you were going out. Not even a minute after the words escaped your mouth, Shinobu had pulled you aside with a panicked Mitsuri following close in your wake.

“Shinobu-chan, I swear, if I knew how to answer that, I would’ve told you already,” you sighed, trying to ignore how warm your face had gotten. 

Shinobu sighed, “I would’ve appreciated the heads up. I thought we were friends...?”

“No, of course, we are!” you quickly held her hands in yours, panic and worry evident in your face. “It’s just that… I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“You could’ve tried using words,” Shinobu deadpanned, making your face flush in embarrassment. “What were you afraid of? It’s not like I’d bite your head clean off.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now, though…?” you mumble to yourself, but Shinobu slips one of her hands free from your grasp and bonks you in the head. Oh, she heard.

“No, it’s just that…” you look away, the shame overtaking your body. “I was scared you wouldn’t agree to it...”

“Th-that’s not true! We’re really happy for you!” Mitsuri cut in, nodding her head vehemently, before turning to Shinobu. “Right, Shinobu-san?”

To your horror, Shinobu doesn’t answer immediately. She’s staring at the ground thoughtfully. You and Mitsuri exchange looks once for every second that Shinobu doesn’t respond. The longer she doesn’t say anything, the more you could hear your heart plummeting. 

“Are you happy with Tomioka-san, (F/N)-chan?” Shinobu suddenly asks, and you turn to find her practically staring right into your soul. She wasn’t smiling. 

Your breath hitches at your throat. But you thought about the past months with Giyuu - bumping into one another after missions and going out to eat before he finally got the courage to ask you out. It was awkward at times, yes, since you’d find yourself talking to yourself majority of the time. And you’ll admit that you might have pissed him off as you always did at other times. But he’d still ask you to go out to the village and you’d still go with him. 

It was the most fun you’ve had with someone besides Shinobu in your whole life. 

“Yeah,” Shinobu and Mitsuri were caught off-guard by the loving smile that overtook your features, eyes twinkling as you looked at the both of them. “I am.” 

Shinobu sighed, slightly resigned, but her smile was one of the most genuine you’ve seen in a while. “Then it’s not like I can do anything about it, huh? If you’re happy, then that’s all I care about.”

You pull Shinobu into a hug, Mitsuri glomping the both of you soon after. 

“But,” Shinobu whispers, and you don’t have to look at her face to see her expression. Her seething aura was enough to scare you and Mitsuri. “If he makes you sad for even a split second, they’ll never find his body. Understood?” 

“Y-yes, Shinobu-chan,” you answered. You doubt Giyuu could make you sad, but you pray for his safety anyway. 

Mitsuri pulls away from the hug, as do you, and the Love Pillar looks at you, eyes sparkling.

“So, (F/N)-chan, how did you guys fall in love?” Mitsuri probes, poking at your cheek. “You always used to tease him, right? How’d it happen? How’d you know you loved him? Tell me, tell me!” 

How..? You rubbed at your temple, thinking hard. 

Was it after your talk? Or when you bumped into him at that ramen stand? Was it when he stole your kill and he looked so cool you almost forgot what he did? Or was it-

“Oh!” you snapped your fingers. Shinobu and Mitsuri were surprised when you suddenly turned to the other group. “Giyuu!”

The Pillars - your group and Giyuu’s - watched as you waved your hands around comically, almost like you were trying to gain his attention (despite how he was already looking your way) with a wide smile on your face. Then you cupped your hands around your mouth like you were going to yell, but you only mouthed out a couple of words, exaggerating each syllable for him to properly read.

I love you.

The Pillars were already surprised at the news that loud and social (L/N) (F/N) was going out with quiet and cold Tomioka Giyuu, but the cherry on top was watching as the Water Pillar turned a lovely shade of red before giving you a small smile and turning away, almost shyly.

While Uzui and Kyoujuro had thrown arms around Giyuu and proceeded to give him noogies, you turn and watch as Shinobu and Mitsuri exchanged looks, no words passing between them, only sharing the same resigned but impressed expression-

Ah. That’s a fair reason. 

＝＝✿＝＝｜✧••❀••✧｜＝＝✿＝＝

✨ Masterlist ✨ 

🌙 Disclaimer: Characters are not mine and belong to their respective creators. Their portrayal is merely my own interpretation of them and may not be accurate to their intended characterization. I stake no claim to the original works, only to the ideas and plot of the fictitious stories I’ve written them into.

[realisaonum]

book meme

thank you, jen @det395​ !! i feel like this meme got away from me a bit, but no shame! i love talking about books and writing so onward ~under the cut~

1- how many books are too many books in a series? 

mhmmmmm i guess it depends on the objective of the series, right? is the plan to have x number of books in the series and if so, when we finally get to the end will it be satisfying considering all the books we’ve read leading up to it? OR is the objective of the premise / characters just to exist doing whatever? both can be done well. i would say a lot rides on how much i trust the author.

2- what do you think about cliffhangers?

so this is meant for cliffhangers in a series like between books? i don’t really care if there’s a cliffhanger as long as i have the next book sitting right next to me. otherwise uh, only if the wait between books is tolerable, because at that point you need to know that the author can clear this mess up, right? there’s this other thing, like you know how if the entire series was already written, then they might release the books a month apart or a quarter apart - that could be alright too. but years in between? not especially a fan. is anyone a fan?

3- hardback or paperback?

jen, you and me are complete opposites here. paperbacks stress me out. i will go out of my way to buy a used hardcover if given the choice. of course, there are some publications i don’t mind in paperback —thinking poetry and super indie books that don’t have a hardcover release OR books where the spines are thin enough they won’t break and i won’t be holding them long enough for them to wear. hardcovers are sturdy and i don’t have to worry i’ll accidentally bend the cover in some damaging way. I am invested in keeping my books nice to the point that i create covers for my books out of kraft paper or brown grocery bags while i am reading them. this is something i started when i was in college and didn’t want these books i was hoping to probably resell get thrashed coming in and out of my bag for all these classes. My home library is probs more half and half paperback/hardcover but if given a choice usually it’s hardcover.

4- least favourite book?

i think it’s good to at least attempt to meet a book on its level. there are lots of books i didn’t like, but i wasn’t meeting them on their level and i know that so we’re ignoring those. i do however have a shelf on my goodreads dedicated to books that i have beef with so i’ll just go off on two of them.....

tana french’s the likeness for being plagiaristic shit. it is essentially poorly concealed alternate universe OC insert fic of the secret history. you’ve got french’s dublin murder squad folks and then this group they are investigating who bear a STRIKING resemblance to the greek students in tsh 🤔. this would be one thing. it is pretty well acknowledged that nothing is original and there are enough changes to The Likeness that MAYBE i could let it slide if not for this other thing: french’s book, the likeness, has lines that are just basically reworded quotes from the secret history and french positions these lines so they are said by the counterpart (essentially same!) character that gave them original life in tsh. i cannot stress this enough: you can HEAR how similar the sentences are and their core intent is always the same. it’s thinly veiled theft! it astounds me that French hasn’t been sued frankly. it is one thing to want to capture some of the genius that tartt’s debut novel holds, but it is completely lazy and disgusting theft to go about it in the way French did with this book. and YES the secret history was published before french’s book. if i could stomach how fucking goddamn boring the likeness was to read it a second time and cite every one of these offenses i would, but that’s yet a third strike against it—it’s too boring to be worth it. 

T. Kingfisher’s second book of the Clocktuar War duology : The Wonder Engine. this is a book that i feel violated the contract between writer and reader. the first book feels almost like a YA book. the stakes while described as very high are treated, as actions unfold, as very low. nothing truly irreparable happens until the climax of the second book and the fallout of that action is so off-tone of everything that came before i felt deeply betrayed. no, like, completely betrayed as in it ruined the rest of my afternoon, i am still viscerally angry eight months later, and i will never trust this author again. sure, maybe none of those actions that led to the climax were out-of-character, but there was nothing NOTHING in the proceeding action that even came close to that level of consequence. it’s a pity because right up till that point i was having a really good time. the entire vibe of the rising action to the climax of book one all the way through the rising action of book two was just a quippy fun version of roadtrip/quest - it felt like a comfort read. the abrupt tone shift had all the subtlety of dropping a graphically, brutal murder into Blue’s Clues. you don’t do that - this is a basic tenet of a writer / reader relationship. i’m not touching this bitch’s shit again.

5- Love Triangle, yes or no?

not so much. i like jen before me will scream ‘just be poly.’ love triangles that lead into poly relationships? yes, awesome will be glad i read. but i am at a stage in my life where your standard will-they-won’t-they-love-triangle is just fucking pointlessly frustrating to me. an example: i read a Nic Stone’s book Odd One Out a couple years ago and something about the synopsis or the hype made me think that it would resolve the love triangle that way, so when that did not happen i was incredibly frustrated and immediately wanted to resell the book. it’s the potential of the thing. stone’s book could have been the perfect vehicle for opening up the concept of polyamory to a ya audience but instead just really squandered that potential with weak floundering — in my opinion!

6- the most recent book you just couldn’t finish

uhhhhh i’ve got two and i’m not sure i’ve entirely given up quite yet buuuuuuuut 

fucking dune. i got really pissed off with this book. So just…setting aside the whole vaguing at a pedophilically inclined queer coded villain - it’s done so poorly, that it's almost funny? like it doesn’t (as of half way through) actually have any consequence on…anything at all and is tacked on like an afterthought to the end of his scenes. honestly it all could just be cut out entirely with no recourse to the larger story. So my actual beef with this book is the pacing is ATROCIOUS. like yo, not only do you expect me to give a shit about these Atreides cunts, when we just met them and we spend the same amount of time with them IF NOT MORE with the antagonist? but you also expect me to believe Paul was able to just convince the leader of the Arrakis people —the leader of an entire planet!!— with a single fucking sentence??? yeah, not so much. it was not set up for me to believe that Paul could do that! maybe if Kynes hadn’t died immediately after—or at least not died at that moment? baring the fact I thought he was by far the most interesting character, IF he had been convinced by Paul in that scene, it would have been great to see some actual work done around that - with a transfer or a liaise of power between Kynes and Paul and the Fremen. By not having any substantive scene that does it - it begs the question of what the fuck was the point of the character in the first place? unplumbed potential!!! over all there seem to be some key scenes missing to get the reader to where the narrative expects us to be? but the choices made of the characters we spend time with and the moments we see with them, the benefit to the larger story…is not always there. hey herbert, these words you have written aren’t doing what you want them to?? i feel like i should finish it but i reaaaaallly don’t want to :) the only thing i can say is it looks like from the trailer, villeneueve is giving space to these moments so that the viewer can foster a genuine connection with the characters? radical concept.

our lady of perpetual hunger - i started this one optimistically bc i like chef memoirs, but i am at the point where she has just given birth to her son and honestly DON’T CARE. i still haven’t officially given up on it yet since i actually fucking bought it like a dope. i certainly would not have if i knew how much NOT about working the line this was gonna be

7- book you are currently reading

Aside from the failures mentioned above, I am working on the second book in B. Catling’s Vorrh trilogy, The Erstwhile. Also very close to finally finishing Iain Sinclair’s The Last London - there’s a review of his work from the LA Times that goes “One of Sinclair’s greatest skills has always been his ability to take diverse if not chaotic source material and refashion it in a way that sometimes seems downright alchemical” which captures some of the wonder I experience when reading his work. His style and how he creates atmosphere and setting is just unique and astounding.

8- last book you recommended to someone

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. Before that I told my brother to read Eat a Peach, as we both love Anthony Bourdain and David Chang talks about him a bit here, plus it’s just a fucking great book. any book that gives insight into Chang’s methodology and paradigm is worth a shot.

9- oldest book you read

I think it might have to be Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night (which apparently according to wiki premiered on the stage a whole four months before Hamlet so that’s what we’re going with) and if plays don’t count, I don’t care. I think they count and that’s what we’re going with.

10- the most recent book you read ?

Given the previous question, the most recently published book, right? It’s gotta be the one I just finished: The First Collection of Criticism by a Living Female Rock Critic - Revised and Expanded edt., which like just came out this summer. I watched Jessica Hopper’s promo zoom, curtesy of my local indie bookstore, and went ahead and bought it. This was a great decision! It was just what I needed to read these last couple of weeks. i love there’s lots of short pieces that made the read quick and the fact that it’s non-fiction so there was no pressure of a plot or the emotional weight of character investment when I had a lot of big stressors dragging me down irl -it was such a relief. Hopper’s criticism is fun to read and there’s some real art in her appreciation of music here.

11- favourite author?

These are the top in a kind of order but not really: Donna Tartt, Jeff VanderMeer, Megan Whalen Turner, Flannery O’Conner, Chuck Palahniuk, Anthony Bourdain

Other faves very much worth mentioning: Emily O’Neill, Richard Siken, Brandon Sanderson, Warren Ellis, Nathan Englander, Stephen King, Eddie Huang, Carl Hiaassen, Anne Carson, and Iain Sinclair.

12- buying books or borrowing books?

Depends on if my library has it, of course! I nearly always see if my library has a copy first if i have never read it or the author before. If i’ve read the book before or trust the author, I’ll buy it. Like I’ll straight out buy new stuff from Jeff VanderMeer even though with him it’s either this-hits-exactly-and-is-my-new-fave or i-really-disliked-this-but-admire-the-boundaries-you’re-pushing-my-dude - so it’s always a gamble but a worthy one.

12- a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love

a little life (just bc it's torture porn elevated to art doesn’t negate the fact that it’s torture porn. Yanagihara’s project here is repugnant and the fact that this book is lauded as moving lgbt fiction makes my skin crawl)

sharp objects (good writing, compelling story, BUT typographical scarification doesn't work like that - i am not going to get into it but i know from first hand experience how Flynn described it is not accurate)

nesbø’s the snowman (what kinda dumbass detective would think THAT when a woman finds her missing father’s corpse? absolute idiocy - so obviously reverse engineered with that end in mind)

the raven cycle (fuck ronan lynch to start and then fuck him to end as well - there’s some other stuff but mostly he’s a total CUNT and if i don’t say that once a day i have probably died)

14 - bookmarks or dogears?

Bookmarks and sticky notes. Then I can place it pointing directly to the paragraph I last stopped on.

15- The book you can always reread?

This is my question because I reread all the time. ALL THE TIME. Books I reread often: The Secret History, Medium Raw (especially chapter 17 The Fury), Crooked Kingdom, The Violent Bear It Away, and The Goldfinch. Every year like clockwork (since it came out apparently) I will reread Stephen King’s The Outsider.

Other books I feel the urge to reread: VanderMeer’s Acceptance, Englander’s Dinner at the Center of the Earth, Frazier’s Nightwoods, Fresh Off the Boat, the Mr. Mercedes trilogy, the Peter Grant Series (which is queued up for another go here soon I think), any of the stories from A Good Man is Hard to Find, Sanderson’s Wax and Wayne Mistborn books, simon vs the homosapiens’ agenda, and there are two of Alan Morinis’ books on Mussar that I am technically always revisiting—when i need a reminder, i’ll jump around and read specific sections to get centered again.

16- can you read while listening to music?

Yes, but only ambient or near ambient (only usually one track on repeat) or a soundtrack I am extremely familiar with. No new music. I do usually need some audio stimulation or my mind will wander terribly.

17- one POV or multi POV?

Multi pov can certainly be done well (looking at the soc duaology and VanderMeer’s Acceptance) but working a multi-pov means there are more plates spinning, it’s more of a challenge, and some authors pull it off better than others.

18- do you read book in one sitting or in multiple days?

I don’t really do this anymore. that might have something to do with me picking up thicker books? but also i have a full time job now and let’s be real the book has to be hella good if i don’t want to put it down. the last book i attempted to shotgun was the final installment of my favorite series and it still took me two days so....i can get through a lot of books but none of them are ever in one sitting anymore.

19- who to tag:

@sybilius​ @mouth-rainboy​ @iwonderifthatisart​ @phereinnike​ @magnificentmoose​ @wambsgangs​ @moriarteaparty​ and anyone else if you feel so inclined!

Bonus Question: What’s on your to-read shelf? 

As for me, I am excited about one i just picked up, Danforth’s Plain Bad Heroines, which i might start tomorrow and I will be taking Paul Madonna’s Come to Light on my trip to see my brother this coming weekend. 

[dellinah]

With the new ep coming soon, have a quick Helluva Boss review by me

This is not my opinion these are hard facts and I don't accept anything else ty (obvious joke is obvious)

Pilot:

Works well enough as a pilot, but aged poorly when compared to the actual episodes. The cutaway gag style reminds me of Family Guy, which isn't a good thing but works ok enough to show off their personalities in a quick way. However, I think they were still very surface level (especially compared to their recent development in the episodes). Loona was especially unlikeable in the pilot (other than one scene with the smile) and they seem to have only one trait explored which is their main personality trait, it makes them a bit too cartoony. The writing was a bit sloppy with the cutaway of them killing the wrong person suddenly becoming the main plot. But as a pilot, it works fine and the scenes with Moxxie and Blitzo were really funny. Millie and Loona don't really get the chance to suck you in and are kinda just there, but that's fair as a pilot only has so much time to show so much. I'm just glad the show turned out to be MUCH better than this made me think it would be. I was scared they'd rely too much on cutaways and never have actual plots, but the episodes are almost nothing like the pilot. And since that's a good thing... yeah, the pilot is fine, but I'm glad the show is different from it

5/10

Episode 1:

It does a good job at showing off the personalities that were outlined in the pilot (Moxxie is insecure and angry, Blitzo is careless, Loona is mean, Millie is energetic), but other than Moxxie, I think they could have done more by using smart dialog to define and show their interactions. They're still very 'one-trait'. Also goes a bit deeper into how the imps work which was cool to learn. I really like the jokes in this one! The bits of lore they give us was also appreciated. However, I think it's the less memorable of the episodes so far. It's a good average episode: they do what they're meant to, there are good jokes, but other than Moxxie's development, nothing about this episode will stick with you - there's not much to it other than the basic plot. So much so that this is the one people talk about the least in my experience. The character interactions are a bit deeper, but again, nothing stands out about it and we don't learn that much about them. It probably aged poorly as well, it was much better when it was the only ep but now it doesn't reach the standards set by the other eps. Good average ep, but you won't think much about it once it's done

6/10

Episode 2

This to me is where the show truly shines. Not only was it beautifully animated, it has everything that makes Helluva Boss great: good characters trying to survive each other in a shit yet interesting environment. Stolas and Octavia steal the show and it does a full 180 on Stolas, turning him from a horny slut to a caring dad that is trying his best (albeit, still horny). Octavia is a beautifully written character, as they manage to make a teen emo daughter that isn't annoying or obnoxious, but even make us feel for her as the family falls apart in a believable way. All the characteds (other than Loona) FINALLY get the deeper personality exploration that I think lacked in the previous episodes. The interactions they have with each other do a great job at a 'show, don't tell' and you actually start liking them more after this one as they get more of a personality. Learning about Blitzo's past and the clown character are also great plot points. This episode is pretty much flawless and everything about it is great: the interactions are deep and well written, the personalities shine, the plot is interesting, you feel for the characters, it's funny, it makes you feel and all the characters are incredibly likeable - with no one being in the wrong and just making us see different perspectives from layered characters. I cannot praise it enough so just know it's perfect. The only bad thing about this ep is that it sets such a high stardand other eps might look worse in comparision. And if that's the only bad thing you have to say about an ep, then it's pretty damn good

10000/10

Episode 3

Another amazing episode. While not as heartfelt as Episode 2, it's still very charming and memorable with GREAT character moments. Millie gets some much needed screen time that finally shows another side of her as a caring yet badass wife. Drunk Moxxie was especially funny and props to the va for the golden delivery of his lines (for real, the sounds he makes are amazing. And who could forget the I aM nOt A pOsSuM line. Iconic). Loona finally gets an episode focused on her, so now all 4 main characters have gotten better. The episode has many good points, but the interactions between Loona and Blitzo as their relationship gets more defined and sets up more mysteries about their past are GREAT. Again, amazing 'Show, don't tell' stuff that makes you feel for dad and daughter that struggle together to love each other as such. They also managed to portray a teen crush and a protective dad without making them annoying or obnoxious. A lot of cute and angsty, memorable moments between them as well as great Loona development as she becomes more vulnerable. It almost outshines the main plot of Blitzo's ex, but she's a good character and their banter ties up with the blitzo/loona plot so you never forget what is going on and it all comes together nicely at the end. Beautiful father-daughter angst and a great portray at the struggles they face with adoption. Probs the funniest ep to date. Verosika is another great character and I hope she shows up again. Honestly, no major complaints

10/10

Here's to hoping for another great ep!

[shuahoonie]

you [tom holland] - seven.

PAIRING: tom holland x female!celebrity!reader

SUMMARY: ah, to be young and in love. it sounds great if only you and tom were actually dating out of pure love and not for the sheer reputation of your careers. it also should be great if you two actually got along, but life isn’t that easy.

WARNINGS: mostly swearing! alcohol consumption! a whole lotta fluff on this one yall. it’s haters to lovers / fake dating au so take that information as you wish! also, their relationship is improving yall 🤧

WORD COUNT: 5.2k

SONG INSPO: harry styles - to be so lonely 

A/N: hiya babes, again, its day n of quarantine. i feel awful that i’ve gone this long without an update. would totally understand that you had to reread this whole series to find out what the hell is going on lmao. also, quarantine life really ruined my general schedule like now, i start my days at 3 pm and it ends at 7 am. obviously, i’m not doing well. 

also, everytime i try to write it’s always like 4 am so there’s prob a lot of errors on this. i also had the initial plan to cut this chapter in two parts but figured you guys deserve this bc i’ve been gone for way too long.  [it was way past 6 am when i finished this]

hope you guys are safe. spam my inbox, tell me what you’ve been up to this quarantine! stay at home and wash those hands!!!!! sending all my love ♡

UPDATES EVERY SATURDAY 11 PM CST WHENEVER I CAN  [I MEAN WE’RE IN LOCKDOWN. PLS PESTER ME TO UPDATE SO I CAN BE PRODUCTIVE]

gif credits: @tomhollandcouk

vanessa’s masterlist | preview | one | two | three | four | five | six | eight | eight.5 [interview excerpt] 

You took a look at the girls and sure enough, they were watching the two of you and were whispering amongst themselves. You didn’t know who they were so you were assuming they were on Josh’s guests.

You weren’t one to start fights however, you were extremely petty though. It’s a habit you’re trying to get rid of. “Hey, Tom?”

He hummed in response. “Do you want to finally get them off your back?” You asked him. He stared at you for a moment before nodding.

“I’m going to do something but promise me you’ll forget it as soon as it’s done.” You disclosed, not even knowing why you’re actually going to do it.

“Okay...” You knew he was getting curious. “What-”

You grabbed the side of his face and kissed the corner of his lips. To say that both of you were surprised was an understatement.

Your lips lingered on the corner of his. As soon as you saw the girls with their backs turned against you two, you pulled away.

You could easily see Tom’s ears turn red. You weren’t sure why, but you were too distracted by the fact that you actually did that.

You also felt yourself getting hot. You were sure that your face is burning, however, you were unsure of the fact that maybe it’s burning because of the stunt you just pulled or because of the alcohol in your system.

“It’s definitely the alcohol,” you murmured.

“Sorry, you were saying something?”

Seemingly lost for words and embarrassed, you told Tom “I need another drink.”

If anyone asked you what just happened, you probably won’t have an answer as you were confused as well. That’s why you were practically running to the open bar, leaving Tom on the dance floor, with the look of bewilderment painted on his face.

“Tom!”

He turned his head around, looking for who could have possibly called his name. Upon seeing who it was, he greeted her with a huge smile on his face. “Liv, congratulations! It was a wonderful ceremony.” He said genuinely.

“Aw,” Olivia cooed in delight. “Thanks, Tom! We’re happy you could make it.” She beamed.

“Would’ve never missed it,” Tom smiled.

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but have you seen Y/N?” Olivia asked, looking around.

He felt himself turn red, which Olivia noticed but chose not to point it out. “She told me she was getting herself a drink...”

“That bitch never learns,” Olivia murmured to herself. “Tom, can you do me a favour? Can you please keep an eye out for her? She tends to drink a lot at weddings and-”

All of Veronica’s words came flooding back to Tom, knowing that he was supposed to stop Y/N from grabbing another glass. “Right, of course.”

“She doesn’t have a problem!” Olivia quickly disclosed. “It’s just- She tends to do a lot of weird shit while drunk.” She chuckled. “I mean look at where you two are now. None of this would’ a happened if- Oh, I’m sorry.”

“S’okay, Liv. I know.” Tom shook his head, politely dismissing Olivia. “Uh, Liv, if you don’t mind, I’m going to look for-”

“Oh, no, you’re all good.” Olivia smiled. “I have to meet with Josh in just a few minutes anyway.”

Tom congratulated Olivia again for the beautiful ceremony before he left. As Tom was looking for Y/N, he found you leaned against the bar with a drink in one hand and a phone on her other.

“Y/N.” Tom called, putting his hand on your shoulder.

“Holy fuck-” You almost spat your drink. “Jesus Christ, Tom, you fucking scared me.”

Tom chuckled. “’m sorry, darling.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to pick you up,” Tom said as he saw the drink on your hand and grabbed it “and to stop you from drinking.”

You furrowed your brows at him, “Why?”

For a moment, you could’ve sworn you saw Tom shift his eyes over at your lips. That’s when you realized that you were pouting and quickly pressed your lips together.

“’cause you’ve had enough drinks for tonight,” Tom simply stated. “Why don’t I take you back to your hotel?” He offered.

“I’m good, Tom.” You said “People aren’t looking, you can quit acting like you care now.”

Tom chose to ignore the last part and pulled out his phone. “I’m texting Veronica that we’re leaving.”

“Seriously, Tom, just let me be.”

“Y/N, I’m just looking out for you. You’ve had a couple of drinks already and apparently, Zoë needs you to be up and well tomorrow morning.” Tom said, the frustration was getting through him.

“Tom-”

“I’m serious, Y/N. I will carry you to my car if I have to.”

All you could do was glare at him.

“You’ve been frowning for 10 minutes now, your face is going to get tired, darling.” Tom commented as he stole a quick look at you, only to find you with the look of annoyance plastered all over your face and your arms crossed.

“I can’t believe you actually carried me! It was so embarrassing, you dickhead.” You grumbled, feeling shy since quite a few people did see his stunt and found it absolutely adorable.

“I did say that I was serious,” He pointed out as he did a shoulder-check before making a turn.

“Don’t even know why you’re driving me back to the hotel. I could’ve called someone, ‘ya know?” You were coming up with ways as to how you can avoid spending time with Tom, which was undeniably impossible since he is your boyfriend after all.

“Nonsense,” Tom pulled over at the front of the hotel, stepped out of the vehicle to give his keys to the valet and opened your door. “I would rather drive you back and know that you’re safe.” He said as he offered his hand for you to take.

You were reluctant at first, however, you still took his hand. He was being nice and you had to respect that.

Actually, you did notice that Tom was being nice within the past few weeks that you’ve started to date. Him becoming genuinely nice was starting to become a problem, especially when you’re involved with a lot of fake dating stunts.

It pulled your heartstrings in all kinds of different directions and you know it’s wrong, which is why you’re trying your best to put those feelings aside.

“Thanks Tom, I think I can handle myself from here.” You said as you carefully pulled your hand from Tom’s.

He frowned, “I have to take you up to your room, darling. Don’t you know that there are endless possibilities of what can happen to you just from the walk from the lobby to your room? Especially the lifts.”

You stared at him for a moment. “Well, I wouldn’t say I’m that paranoid but knowing you would never budge, then I guess you can walk me up to my room.” You said, not really going to fight him off. You already fought that battle earlier and you were left embarrassingly defeated.

The walk to the room was quiet, which was exactly what you needed. You were exhausted from today’s events, not to mention that you also had to wake up extremely early to get ready for your hair and makeup.

God, I can’t wait to take all of these off, You thought to yourself.

After what seemed like forever of looking for your keycard, you finally got to open your door. You turned to Tom who was leaning against the doorframe. He had the sleeves of his white button-ups rolled up to his elbows and he had a small smile plastered on his face, even though his eyes were nearly hooded from what seemed to be an exhausting day as well for him.

“Thanks again, Tommy,” you said softly. “Today must’ve been extremely exhausting for you.” You were starting to feel guilty as you felt like you made him jump through hoops just to take care of you when he had no obligation to do so.

“S’alright, darling.” He said before letting out a yawn. “Well, I best be off then. Good night, my darling.”

Tom had a couple of steps in before you shouted for his name, causing him to halt in the middle of the hallway. He turned to look at you, wondering why you called him.

“Do you wanna stay for a while? You must be exhausted and I don’t think I can live with myself if I let you drive whilst so.” You asked shyly. You weren’t heartless. You knew how to appreciate people’s efforts and right now, you had to swallow that pride of yours to show that you were thankful for Tom and his efforts.

Tom had to make sure that he heard you correctly. After all, you were the same girl who was reluctant to spend time with him for most of the time.

He had a loopy grin painted on his face. You weren’t sure whether it was meant to tease you or it’s because he’s getting sleepy, either way, it was enough to make you roll your eyes at him.

“Why are you smiling like that? Just-” You pinched the bridge of your nose, not knowing that it was possible to feel both annoyed and embarrassed at the same time. “Just stay with me for a bit so you can rest.” You mumbled the last part.

“Are you sure?” He asked for clarification. “Think I can drive for at least 30 minutes more-”

“Tom, just get in here with me.” You said as you took a hold of his hand and pulled him inside your hotel room. “If you think I’ll let you drive for half an hour when you’re nearly about to pass out then you’re dead wrong.” You pointed out as you closed the door.

“Are you getting soft on me now, Y/N?” He teased with a playful smirk on his face.

“No,” You denied, drawling out the ‘o’ as you kicked off your heels and pushed them to a side. “It’s called showing gratitude for being there for me.” You said, trying to sound casual as possible.

“Well,” Tom propped off his shoes and made his way to the bed “I like this side of you, darling.” He grinned.

You gave him a sarcastic smile before you turned your back and grabbed some change of clothes from your suitcase.

As you were in the bathroom to get yourself changed and try to get out of the bridesmaid dress, you’ve come across a tiny problem.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You hissed at yourself as you tried to unzip the back of your dress, failing miserably. “I have already prepped myself for the idea that I would be in the comfort of my sweatshirt.” You said to the mirror, not knowing where to pour the frustration running through you.

You opened the door slightly and found Tom who was sitting on the bed comfortably, his feet propped over the tower of pillows and his back rested on the bed frame.

“Tom?” He looked up from his phone to find where you called him from and when he saw you peering from the bathroom, he had his eyebrow raised. “Can you help me unzip my dress please?” You asked in a quiet voice.

“Sorry, what was that darling?” He asked and when you tried to repeat it again, not changing the volume of your voice. “Y/N, you have to speak up. Can’t hear you from here, darling.”

You sighed and opened the door wider, “Tom, can you unzip my dress?” You practically yelled. “-please.” you added awkwardly.

Tom blinked a couple of times before scrambling his way to the bathroom, muttering soft “yeah”s along the way.

As soon as he reached the bathroom frame, you quickly turned around so you could get this thing over with. Tom moved your hair to the side before finding the zipper of your dress. As he carefully unzipped your dress, you could feel the slightest touch of his fingertips grazing on your skin.

The trails of his touch sent you into shivers. God, am I that touch-starved? You thought. For you, the process was excruciatingly long. In reality? It probably only took like 30 seconds or less.

Shaking it all off, you quickly said your thanks and practically slammed the door on his face.

God, if you’re listening, I know I’m a handful but dying from embarrassment isn’t how I saw myself passing, You practically yelled to your thoughts.

After giving yourself a couple of minutes to change into your oversized sweatshirt and some sleeping shorts and also giving yourself to calm down, you grabbed your makeup wipes and made your way to the bed.

You tried your best to keep your cool and act as if nothing had happened. Act like you didn’t want the ground to swallow you whole.

You and Tom were sitting in silence: him scrolling on his phone and you trying to remove your makeup. The keyword was trying as you barely had any energy left to do anything and removing your makeup and fixing your hair felt like absolute chores.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” You asked, turning to Tom as you continued wiping your makeup off.

“Sure, whatcha got in mind?” He asked, putting his phone down and passing you the remote.

You hummed, waiting for the TV to finish loading the selections that they have on demand. “Ooh, they have Hereditary. I’ve been wanting to see the film for a while and I heard good things about the film.”

“Isn’t that a horror film?” He asked and you nodded. You could see that he was trying his hardest to assess whether he agrees with the film or not.

Of course, being the annoying person that you are, you teased Tom. “Aw, are you scared Tommy?” You cooed.

He rolled his eyes and denied your accusation. “’m not scared.”

“It’s settled then,” You grinned. “We’re watching Hereditary.”

As you were at least twenty minutes into the film, you took a quick look at Tom who was evidently engrossed with the film. You scooted a bit closer to him which he failed to notice, bringing a devilish smirk on your face. You slowly leaned in, just enough for your breath to hit his skin, and whispered “Tom” in an attempt to scare the poor guy.

Your tiny prank worked considering he practically jumped, almost making him fall off the bed. You, on the other hand, couldn’t stop laughing. “That was not funny, Y/N.” He said as he returned back to his spot, only this time, he had his head resting on the bed frame while his back was supported with the pillows.

“I beg to differ,” You said teasingly “Do you want to get room service? I’m kind of hungry.”

He just shrugged, saying that it doesn’t matter whether you want to or not. However, you were hungry and you’re not about to carry on watching the film with an empty stomach.

You quietly ordered room service as Tom was busy watching the film. He looked adorable, if you were being honest. He was hugging one of the pillows and used the same pillow to rest his chin on.

You were debating whether to wait for the food to arrive or fix your hair. Your hair was styled in a half-up braid, tiny flowers delicately placed within the braid, while the ends of your hair were curled. The hairstylist took a significantly huge amount of time to style everyone’s hair which is why you had to wake up at the crack of dawn. No wonder you were exhausted.

You chose to wait for the food instead and settled next to Tom. You two were clearly immersed with the film and you both flinched at the sound of the knock on the door as the scene of Charlie’s head rolls and turns into a ball pops up on the screen.

“Jesus christ,” You swore under your breath as you left the bed to go answer the door.

“Aw, are you scared, Y/N?” He mocked, which you rolled your eyes in response.

“Shut up, Holland. I’m not the only one who’s scared here.” You retorted.

You opened the door and thanked the staff that brought your room service, not forgetting to hand them a tip.

“I ordered strawberry and banana pancakes,” You told Tom with a childish smile.

“It’s midnight and you ordered pancakes?” He asked with an amused smile.

“I was craving pancakes,” You pouted. “We can share, you know? You didn’t tell me what you wanted so I just ordered food for myself.”

“S’alright, darling.” He answered “Don’t worry about it.”

“We can totally share, Tommy. I didn’t expect they’d give me this much so I won’t be able to finish this by myself.” You said as you showed him the huge stack of pancakes.

He just laughed and nodded, giving in because you weren’t going to let him just watch while you ate.

“Oooh, I also ordered tea because I remember that you like tea.”

He hummed as he approached you by the table. You were setting up the pancakes and tea that you ordered. “You remember, huh,” Tom mumbled softly as he watched you carefully set the teapot down.

“’course, I do.” You answered without hesitation. “You practically shunned me for drinking coffee that one time when you visited me on set.”

“Darling, you were on your third cup.”

“So? I needed caffeine.”

“If you needed caffeine, you could’ve easily had tea instead of your third cup.” Tom pointed out as he poured tea on his cup.

“Tea is for the weak,” You mumbled which earned a dramatic gasp from Tom.

“Take it back,” He said in disbelief.

“Tea is for the weak,” You repeated firmly just so you could annoy him even more, a smirk plastered on your face.

Tom pulled you in closer to him and started to tickle your waist, “I won’t stop till you take back what you said, Y/N”

You were squirming away from him, “Tom, stop,” you yelled in between giggles. “I might drop my pancakes, please.” You were trying your best not to tilt the plate and drop your food.

“Not hearing the magic words, Y/N” Tom teased in a sing-song voice.

“Okay, fine!” You gave in, laughing. “I take it back. Tea is great.”

“It is, innit?” He sighed in agreement, making you shake your head in amusement. “Don’t worry, darling, I’ll make you a great cup of tea.”

You started taking a few bites of your pancake before you sat on the edge of the bed, bringing your plate with you and had your complete focus on the screen. You and Tom were still watching Hereditary and you intend to finish the  film, even if the film is starting to creep up on you.

Tom sat beside you, “How can you eat and watch this?” He asked.

You just shrugged. “I’m hungry, nothing can stop that.” You took another bite before you offered Tom the pancakes. “Do you want some?”

“Give me a bite,” He opened his mouth in response, leaning closer to you.

“Do it yourself, you big baby.” You laughed, almost handing him the plate before you realized, “Oh, I don’t think they gave us spare utensils though.”

“I can use yours, I don’t mind.”

You offered him your plate but Tom, instead of grabbing the plate, insisted on opening his mouth, insistently asking you to feed him. “Tommy, why are you acting like an actual child?!” You were joking of course, however, you can’t deny that this whole new dynamic that you two were having was refreshing to the eyes.

“C’mon, darling. Just give it” He replied and had his mouth open once again. “I’ll take the flowers and pins off your hair while you eat-”

“Alright, fair enough.” You agreed since you were getting the higher end of the deal. With the amount of hair pins on your hair? You were hitting the jackpot.

“I’ll do it if you also feed me.” Tom added.

“Eh, whatever,” You shrugged and took another bite of your pancake.

Tom stood on top of the bed so he could sit behind you, definitely on board with helping you with your hair. He sat behind you with his legs crossed, setting a comfortable position for him.

You felt the slight touch of his fingers graze on your neck, as he brought all of the hair to your back. As he ran his fingers softly through the ends of your hair, it was enough to make you yawn. You love it when someone plays with your hair, which perfectly explains why you like going to the hairdressers.

Trying to fight off the drowsiness that was slowly taking over you, you figured you’d cut a piece off of your pancake and feed it to Tom. You sliced a piece off with your fork and hovered it over your shoulder.

Soon enough, Tom generously took the bite and carried on with removing the pins and flowers that were carefully placed on your hair.

The process was going on for a couple of minutes now: you watching and feeding Tom with your shared pancakes, and Tom willingly taking out the pins out of your hair.

It also wasn’t long when another jumpscare appeared on screen, making you jump subtly. Maybe it wasn’t subtle as you thought, since Tom was snickering behind you.

“What are you laughing at? Maybe you insisted on helping me with my hair so you can hide behind me because you’re scared too.” You pointed out, being petty and all.

“Am not,” He grumbled, slightly offended. “Maybe I do wanna help.” He then outstretched his legs, saying that he can feel his leg getting numb.

You started to feel bad, since he didn’t have any obligation to do any of it. “Tommy, it’s okay. You can stop now.” You said, twisting your body so you can take a look at him.

“What? No, you’re fine, my darling.” He said turning your body upright, making you face the television again. “S’alright, you’re alright.” He muttered softly and went back to your hair.

You mumbled a soft ‘okay,’ too shy to say something else. You kept taking turns with feeding Tom the pancakes and taking a few bites yourself. You weren’t gonna lie and tell people that this, this, time with Tom was suffocating because it’s not.

This was the first time you ever felt truly comfortable with him. It truly felt like you were spending time with someone you loved. However, that idea itself terrifies you. The idea made you feel like you were walking on thin ice and you know you’re bound to sink anytime soon.

“Tom, here, take the last bite.”

Tom gratefully took the last bite and said, “Thanks, darling. Now put that plate on the table so we can prop ourselves properly on the bed.”

You obliged and as you did, you heard Tom dusting off the bed. Walking back, you saw him look so restricted with his slacks and button ups made you feel bad. He also looked so exhausted which, obviously, made you feel even more bad.  “Tom, why don’t you just spend the night here?”

“I beg your pardon,” Tom cleared his throat. “Did you just suggest that I should spend the night here?”

“Y-yeah, I mean...” You trailed off. “You look exhausted and it would probably make me worry less if you did stay.”

“If it’s alright with you, then I wouldn’t mind.” He said softly, smiling.

You felt your cheeks burning and you really had to act fast. You remembered you wore your sweatpants earlier, as you were getting your hair and makeup done, and figured maybe Tom could fit in it.

“I’ve already worn this earlier but only while I was getting my makeup and hair done.” You pulled your black sweats out of your suitcase and offered it to Tom. “I’m not sure if it fits but it’s better than sleeping with slacks on right?”

“Are you trying to see me naked?” Tom smirked.

“W-what? No, you shithead.” You stammered. “I’m trying to make you feel comfortable. Also, if you are wearing nothing underneath then maybe keep the pants on and reevaluate why you went to a wedding without underwear?!” You popped off.

“Relax, Y/N, I was kidding.” He laughed, visibly amused at the look of distress on your face. “I’ll try it on. Thank you.”

Tom stood up and began unbuckling his belt. He was about to take his pants off when he gave you a teasing smile, in which you realized that you were staring. You turned around, absolutely embarrassed, and head soft chuckles from Tom.

“Okay, I’m decent.” Tom yelled, which you took as a proper signal and turned around, only to find your sweatpants fit snugly on Tom. “It’s a bit snug, but I think I’ll manage.” He commented as he also began unbuttoning his shirt.

You weren’t going to lie and tell people that you think that Tom isn’t fit. Because he is. He is very fit. His fans know that, you know that, everyone knows that. So, would they blame you if you stared at his fit body, absolutely flustered? Of course not, because they know.

However, what they don’t know is how hard you’re trying your hardest not to stare because, you of all people, know how you don’t like when people stare at your body.

“So, whaddaya think?” He turned around and lifted his bum, asking jokingly: “Too much?”

“Eh, it could be better.” You said, playing along.

“Oh c’mon,” He groaned in exaggeration, “People think I have a great arse.” Tom pouted while he returned to his position. This time he climbed up the bed, resting his back against the headboard, and had his legs spread.

“You know what? They’re right,” You said as you climbed up the bed as well and sat between his legs again. “You do have a fabulous ass.”

“Now, you’re just saying that to flatter me so I can continue removing pins from your hair.” He mumbled softly, feeling the return of his fingers back on your hair.

“Yeah,” you sighed in content. “I’m not letting you go until every hairpin is gone, babe.” You replied, not even thinking about what you were saying. Your eyes widened. Babe? You called him babe? Bitch, you’re losing it.

You heard Tom chuckle, “Oh, so I’m “babe” now, huh?” He teased.

“That wasn’t me, that was the exhaustion talking.” You mumbled shyly, a poor attempt to mask up an excuse.

“Right,” He drawled, obviously aware that you were just making up an excuse for this dubious slip up. “S’okay though, I liked it.” He whispered on your right ear, making you squirm as you found it ticklish.

“Why-” You whipped your head back to face him, “Why would you do that, I’m ticklish, Tom”

“’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Tom laughed, “Can you please call me “babe” again?”

“No.” You replied and just heard him let out an exaggerated sigh.

You two were busy bickering and being distracted by each other, that you didn’t know that the scene you two were watching was the last scene of the film.

“Huh,” You huffed. “Wasn’t expecting that ending.”

“What’s with all the butts?” He pondered out loud.

“I don’t know but I want that image out of my head. Do you have any movie suggestions because I know you don’t like horror.” You asked Tom as you scrolled through the movie selections once again.

Tom peered from behind you and rested his chin on your shoulder, “Oh, have you seen Coco?” He asked in suggestion, seeing the movie from the list.

“The Pixar movie?” You asked and he nodded. “Nope, I haven’t yet.”

“We should watch it then,” Tom said “It’s a great movie. I was in bits when I saw it and I was on the plane then.”

“Is it that sad?” You gasped as you clicked on the movie, waiting for the screen to finish loading.

“Oh, I was full on sobbing, darling.” He confessed, his chin still resting on your shoulder.

As soon as the screen finished loading, you hit ‘play’ and said, “Well, I’m about to let a movie ruin me then.”

You were right. The movie already ruined you and you two were only half-way through. Tom had finished removing all the pins and flowers from your hair five minutes after the movie started, so he had the chance to watch the film properly.

Tom is now lying down comfortably, though he was elevated enough to watch the movie properly. You, on the other hand, are cuddling Tom. You had your head rested on his chest while he had his arm around you, his chin merely touching the top of your head.

How he managed to trick you into this you ask?

“Darling, I think you should cuddle me.” Tom requested as he ran his fingers through your hair one last time. He just finished removing all of the hairpins that managed to cause you pain and suffering all day.

“Why?” You asked appalled, not meaning to ask it with such tone.

“Because I’m shirtless and I’m cold.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have removed your shirt?”

“But it’s uncomfortable.”

“I don’t care”

“Okay, then I’ll just drive back to my hotel then, even though I’m pretty exhausted. I’m sure nothing bad will happen.” Tom sighed dramatically.

“God, you really are an actor, huh.” You snorted. “Fine, I’ll do it. I used to cuddle my friends anyway.”

“Are you friend zoning me?” He gasped, as he laid down.

“You are despicable, Holland.”

As you were half-way through the film, you can’t even remember how much you’ve cried already. You could hear the soft sniffles from the two of you as the movie progressed.

Your sniffles turned into full-on sobs when Héctor’s scene came on screen. He was singing to Chicharrón as a final ode before he passed on with no one from his family that were able to remember him.

“What the fuck is this film,” You commented in between sobs. “Why are they trying to ruin me like this?”

Tom rubbed your arm back and forth on, trying to comfort you. You were going through your packets of kleenex at rapid speed, as did Tom. You weren’t expecting to cry this much but here you are.

Tom wasn’t kidding when he said he was in bits when he saw this film.

“Tom, do you think they’ll room service us some Kleenex if we asked?” You asked him honestly, tears still spilling from your eyes. You knew your nose was red too because it started to hurt as you were continuously wiping it.

Tom laughed softly, crying too “’m not sure, darling.”

You lifted your head to take a good look at Tom, finding his eyes bloodshot red from crying and tear marks still visible from his face.

You used your thumb to wipe the tears from his face, making him laugh. “Why are you crying this much? I thought you’ve already seen the film?”

He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug, “’m not too sure. I didn’t expect I’d cry this much too.” He managed to chuckle.

“We really need to call room service for some Kleenex, Tommy.” You sniffled.

quick side note: i actually saw coco for the first time [as i wanted to stay true to what i was writing] and i was a mess. i wasn’t lying when i wrote whatever the reader went thru bc same. 

TAGLIST: 

@thomasthetankson @autty0314 @marvelous-tswiftfan @averyfosterthoughts @theolwebshooter​ @jackiehollanderr​ @sltwins​ @herondalescecilys​ @notjustpenandpaper​ @ihopethatwemeetinanotherlife​ @gothicwidowsworld​ @heartofholland​ @stxfxniexreads @peruvian-bae​ @hollands-osterfield​ @thenoddingbunny-blog​ @galacticstxrdust​ @sweartomendes​ @itsjstz​ @muade-mua-de​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @snowxbarryxendgame​ @cxlpxrnia​ @notasofti​

CAN’T TAG:

@sectusempried

[lady-tortilla-chip]

I was tagged by my lovely friend @thetpot and my other lovely friend @praetorqueenreyna! Thanks for the tag sweeties, this was fun! ❤️

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

74

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

226,393 😌

3. Top five fics by kudos

1. A Little Hostility (701)

2. A Little Love for The Broken Things (383)

3. Glorified Birthmarks (344)

4. The Blue in Your Eyes (314)

5. A Little Love for The Damaged Things (279)

Incidentally almost all of these are in the same (ironstrange) series. The only one that isn’t was either my first or my second venture into the MCU fandom.

4. Do you respond to comments, and why?

I absolutely do! I enjoy interacting with my readers. However I am behind on answering them right now and have far more unanswered in my inbox than I’d like. >.>

5. What’s the fic you have written with the angstiest ending?

Probably all my unfinished multi-chapter fics

Seriously though? I’m not sure how to gauge that because of how many angst fics I’ve written that don’t end well ranging from just MCD fics to what follows the losses and how characters cope (or fail to) others which build on the fact that a character in BSD was a traitor to their organization, the hanahaki fics that didn’t end well…. I’m an angst writer so I have a multiple fics that didn’t end well.

I suppose a few which specifically come to mind are Why Couldn’t it Have Been You? and The Things T(He)y Did.

In the first one it’s a retelling of a scene in BSD and though I’m not entirely proud of that fic or the way I wrote it, it WAS sad as shit because it ends with the POV character (Dazai) learning the guy he’s still in love with (Chuuya) wants absolutely nothing to do with him and wishes he’d have died instead of the person (Odasaku) they both lost.

The second is a take on what the POV character’s (Tachihara from BSD) birthday was like through the years of playing a double agent and who he’d fallen in love with (Chuuya) along the way. During his latest birthday though he’s alone and it ends with Chuuya showing up sad and drunk because not long prior to that day he’d broken up with Tachihara for being a traitor. It’s implied they spend the night together and I left it up to interpretation whether Chuuya left (and took Tachihara’s cat) without a word the next day or not.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think the most rewarding ending was in my fic Not Yet and the reason why is because though the ending itself isn’t particularly happy, it is hopeful. The implications that the two characters wanted to continue growing their relationship beyond being hateful enemies just made ME happy. As well as multiple commenters who mentioned how perfect the ending was. XD I’m sure I have fics with happier endings but this one stuck out specifically because of how it made me feel when I wrote it.

7. Do you write crossovers, if so what’s the craziest one you have done?

I have come up with exactly ONE crossover before which was for BSD and YOI! I honestly came up with it for the sole purpose of bringing Nakahara Chuuya (BSD) and Yuri Plisetsky (YOI) together. Which…I’ve yet to actually do. BUT IT WILL HAPPEN ONE DAY!

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Strangely enough, nope! I even wrote sebaciel fic too so idk how I’ve managed that tbh.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I don’t! Y’all will consistently get fade to black from me because that’s just mah damn style.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

……..not that I’m aware of 😶

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! There is a Russian translation for It Started Out With A Book floating around out there somewhere I think. The first two fics in my IronStrange series got translated into Chinese and the first fic in that series also got translated into Vietnamese!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! And I’m not sure how interested I would be in doing so. But no one’s ever asked before so! Who knows! Maybe it would be fun.

13. All time favorite ship!

Fuck this question. I’m a multi-shipping multi-fandom enjoying fiend. You think I can CHOOSE?! 😤

…….Kay so Nezushi or Soukoku come to mind first because they are the ships that drew me back to fanfiction and inspired me to write fic! (Y’all probs thought I’d say an Aang pairing XD)

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you will?

I refuse to believe I won’t eventually finish them all. 😭

15. What are your writing strengths?

I’m pretty talented at making folks cry! I’ve been told my writing can be poetic and evocative! I believe that sometimes.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Everything

Probably dialogue and avoiding redundancy in my writing. I also can’t write action scenes for shit. 😬 Humor either. The one time I managed to have people laughing through my fic was a fluke and I’ll probs never be capable of repeating it.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

So because I started writing fic for animes, I’ve just gotten used to utilizing terms and such that can’t be directly translated into English.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

I started writing for Bungou Stray Dogs in August of 2017! Still going strong with that one too! 😌 Fucking love that show/manga.

19. Fave fic you have written?

Ah noooooo I hate these questions because they’re so mean!!!! Why are you asking me yo choose between my creations? My children?!

So ima just say The Way He Flies again because it’s my most recent fic and I’m still so so proud of all 1k words of it.

Tagging: @stargirl720, @voodoosgirl1, @hootyapologist, @justoceanmyth,@azulaang-chakras, @foxy-knowledgeseeker, @thinkingisadangerouspastime, and @likealittleheartbeat, idk how many of my writer friends already did this so I tagged who I’m pretty sure DIDN’T :D

[cuttlefishkitch]

hello! i haven't talked to you before, but ron said that i could ask you for some advice on writing eds? (i'd like to know things to avoid/common things that could come up in everyday life that would be good to mention/the sort of aids and stuff they'd have maybe?/anything else you think is relevant)

Hi! Sorry this took so long, a combination of ADHD and chronic pain slowed me way the fuck down. Thank you for being patient! 

EDIT: WEIRD HEEL THINGS I FORGOT!!

So, before I get into this I should probably say I technically haven’t been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS for anyone reading) because it’s one of those syndromes that takes forever to get diagnosed with (it took a friend of mine’s mother over 30 years to get dxed). Many doctors, and everyone I know who does have EDS agree with me that it’s probably what causes my chronic joint pain and some of my other chronic issues. But just because three separate doctors have said “Yeah Probably” doesn’t mean I’m diagnosed!! Only a geneticist can do that!! And they had two-three year waitlists BEFORE the apocalypse happened.

I am diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Small Fiber Neuropathy, and potentially misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia (once I get properly tested for EDS I might get undiagnosed with this because I don’t have most of the main symptoms of Fibro, but I got diagnosed with it anyway because it’s what doctors misDX you with when they don’t know what’s wrong with you and don’t want to do more tests).

All that said, I’ve done a lot of research about EDS (mainly because it’s the only thing that explains all my symptoms since doctors seem incapable of doing so), and know a few people who have either confirmed or suspected EDS, so I’ll link to some stuff, talk about the symptoms that often come with EDS, explain how the symptoms I have affect me, because just because someone’s not diagnosed doesn’t mean they aren’t having symptoms, and probs elaborate a bit about writing physical disabilities and chronic pain in general because it’s super important to me! 

So RESOURCES aka how to make sure your post never sees the light of day because you’re linking things and tumblr hates it when people give other people information!!

Youtubers! If you want to know about the day to day of living with EDS or any disability or chronic illness I super suggest finding a youtuber that makes videos about their life. My EDS favorites are

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Annie Elainey

Amy Lee Fisher

Websites! If you’re asking random folks on tumblr I’m assuming (and hoping) you’ve already done the basic WebMD google searches and looked over the seemingly ridiculous lists of symptoms and related conditions, so here are a few websites that are made more for people than for doctors.

The Ehlers Danlos Society

OhTWIST (That’s Why I’m So Tired)

ChronicPainPartners (the fact that they have an entire section of articles called “Dealing with Doctors” should really tell you something)

Books! If you feel like doing actual reading! I suggest reading books written by people with Ehlers Danlos, to get a feel for how they portray themselves. I’m not saying steal, but it’s probably a good point of comparison to see how your portrayal feels. (haven’t actually read these b/c my ADHD doesn’t let me read)

Ria Ruse by Morgan S. Ray (a superhero book with a disabled super MC!!)

Mysteries of Maybelle by Imani Benfell (Imani is still in high school and has already written and self-published a book cause she didn’t have enough representation for herself how cool is she!!)

Bodies in Motion by Liana Brooks (tw for pregnancy problems and miscarriages in the link, because it’s a blog post talking about integrating EDS symptoms into the story without explicitly naming them as such)

OKAY, now for some rambling about EDS SYMPTOMS!!!

Ehlers Danlos is one monster of a genetic condition in complexity and variety. There are THIRTEEN different identified types of EDS, it often comes with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or POTS, and can lead to various other conditions like gastroparesis, chiari malformation, craniocervical instability, and/or bad teeth. So if you’re going to be writing a character with EDS consider what other comorbid conditions they might also have. I’m mainly going to be talking about Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) because it’s what I probably have and what I’m most familiar with. That said there is a lot of overlap in symptoms with the other varieties.

I started typing this section and realized I was going to have to break it down even more so we’re going to talk about Chronic Pain, Unstable Joints (Dislocations and Subluxations), Skin Things, Mobility Issues, and Other Weird Shit and how those things get addressed separately.

Gonna get the Other Weird Shit out of the way first. Because EDS is a malfunction of connective tissue it can fuck up all sorts of random things. For instance, I and many other people w/ hEDS have trouble swallowing. Shit gets stuck in my throat, I sometimes choke on and have to cough up food, and pills can be hard to swallow, which sucks cause I take A Lot Of Pills. If it doesn’t cause full-on gastroparesis it can cause IBS or other digestive problems b/c the digestive tract is mostly made of connective tissue. It can potentially cause heart problems even if they aren’t as big of a risk as in some other forms of EDS. Premature osteoarthritis is common because what you need is more joint pain. And Fatigue OH BOY THE FATIGUE. And of course the headaches, can’t forget those pesky migraines can we!

AND piezogenic papules!! I completely forgot!! Piezogenic papules are little white bumps that appear when you put weight on your heel. In some people they hurt, but in others they don’t. They’re technically tiny little herniations of fat peaking through the fascia in the heel. They were added as part of the diagnostic criteria for hEDS in 2017!

Now for Skin Things cause it’s not as big a thing in hEDS as it is in other forms. Basically, in a lot of forms of EDS, the skin is extra stretchy and extra delicate. It bruises and tears easily, people with the extreme versions of this can accidentally scratch something into an open wound if they aren’t careful. My skin is pretty soft and sensitive, I def have the typical velvety skin, and as is pretty par for the course of someone with hEDS my skin is a little stretchy, and sorta delicate. I’m not as tissue-papery as some people get, but I almost always have at least one mystery bruise or scrape b/c existing is hazardous. Most of scars are also pretty normal, unlike the extremely papery and atrophic scars (though I have a few tiny acne scars that are atrophic) that are common with other kinds of hEDS. Something that I DO have is Lots of Stretch Marks, all over my thighs, and even down to my calves. Which wouldn’t be abnormal, except for the fact that I’ve never been over 145 lbs and I’ve never been pregnant. Having a lot of stretch marks or striations in the skin without due cause happens because the structure of the skin isn’t as strong as it is in people with a normal amount of connective tissue.

I don’t have to worry as much about my skin but people that do are usually very careful with adhesives because they can irritate or tear the skin, which sucks when you need a lot of bandaids cause your darn skin won’t do its job.

Now on to the meatier stuff and since I’m mostly working backward let’s do Mobility Issues!! These can happen in loads of ways, but a lot of what causes these in people with EDS are the other two things I wanna talk about. Unstable joints lead to increased risk of injury when doing stuff people with fully functioning joints can do.

For context, I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user, meaning I can walk, but a lot of the time it’s better if use a chair. Mine is mostly for my POTS symptoms, but the fact that my legs aren’t also in absolute agony is a big plus. I use a custom manual wheelchair with a SmartDrive (b/c I’m very fucking fortunate and have good insurance) whenever I leave the house and have to be “walking” for more than a few minutes at a time. I can’t fully self-propel in a manual chair because it would be damaging to the joints in my arms and hands, but the smaller chair is easier to maneuver in less than accessible spaces (like almost everywhere). There was about a month-long span where I used a very cheap and very bulky electric chair while I was waiting on the ideal set up I have now. Before that, I also briefly used, and sometimes still use, an up-right posture cane.

People with EDS have widely varying mobility issues because of how uniquely it can manifest. My cane only gave me a little help with balance because if I used it in any prolonged capacity any pain it took away from my legs was relocated to my arms, and as an artist, my arms are more important to me!

If you’re going to write a character with EDS having mobility issues as a result of their EDS the best thing to do is to narrow down their specific needs. Are their knees complete and utter garbage but their shoulders and wrists strong? Maybe they can get away with using a cane. Can they not stand for longer than 5 minutes because of the vertigo from their POTS? Maybe they need a manual wheelchair. Would propelling themself damage their back and arm joints? An electric chair might be necessary! Plenty of people with EDS use all sorts of combinations of these aides to get around their life, consider how your character’s good and bad days would be. Do they have back up plans if they overestimate themselves? There can be a lot to manage, but don’t let it scare you off! Sometimes I try and make it into a resource management game (because I’m a game designer and that’s what I do), to make evaluating my energy and mobility needs more fun!

But now let's tackle some of the reasons those mobility aides might be needed. Unstable Joints.

Ever stepped wrong and rolled your ankle? It hurts for a few steps and then kinda fixes itself, or maybe it bothers you for the rest of the day and you put it up and ice it when you get home? When I was walking around outside my house that would happen AT LEAST once a month, usually more. Some times I’m sitting wrong and when I get up my knee isn’t a knee anymore and decides to just give out from under me. My knuckles are made of unruly popcorn and they Don’t Want To Stay Home!! Oh! And my shoulder is more often out a little out of its socket than it is fully in.

Unstable joints lead to Dislocations and Subluxations of varying intensity, and some people get them more frequently than others. Some can be severe enough to necessitate hospital visits and even surgery, some subluxations are so banal (like my fUCKING SHOULDER) that you just learn to live with the pain.

If a character is going to be in high action, combat-heavy scenarios, chances are they’re going to be popping out joints left and right. Hell, depending on the severity of their joint laxity they could be doing the same sitting at a desk. Again, it’s incredibly varied. I’d suggest setting some sort of baseline for yourself, of what a character’s joints can and can’t stand up to, and maybe do some research on which joints are most likely to pop out in general (hips and shoulders are big culprits being the wacky ball and socket motherfuckers they are). Then maybe have something pop out or hold up every so often when it shouldn’t cause hey! EDS is kinda just like that! Unpredictable!

Some ways people manage joint laxity is with braces, KT tape, and physical therapy. Braces come in many different forms, since I’m currently getting pretty much no treatment for my shitty joints I use mostly compression braces made for sporty people. It really is amazing how much a bit of tight fabric can do to keep my wrist in place.

More specialized braces often have solid parts to prevent the joints from hyper-extending (bending the wrong way) and causing further damage. If you ever see someone with what looks like diamond shaped rings around a bunch of their finger joints, chances are those are Ring Splints, and are there to keep the finger shaped like a finger. I want to get my hands on some and get some on my hands Very Badly, because my fingers hyper-extend SO MUCH when I type, and it makes my hand pain way way worse.

KT tape is another thing people often use. It’s stretchy tape you put on your skin and it basically functions kinda like a second ligament as well as reinforcing the joint and keeping the bones mostly where they’re supposed to be. The problem with this is a lot of people with EDS have very sensitive and fragile skin like I mentioned before, so KT tape can cause allergic reactions, chronic skin irritation, or just straight up take the skin with it when someone goes to remove it. Hence a lot of folks are really careful with it.

Physical Therapy is kinda the best (and only) treatment for joint laxity aside from Very Invasive and sometimes Highly Experimental surgery. It focuses on strengthening the muscles around the joints so they can do the work all those bone ropes made of body glue can’t. The problem is finding a physical therapist that 1) knows what EDS even is, 2) knows you have it, and 3) knows how to treat it without doing stuff that’ll Phucking Hurt You Worse!! Because exercising wrong with EDS can do Permanent Damage!!!

Again most folks use a combination of all of these things, or have next to no access to them b/c healthcare sucks.

Anyway, on to one of my favorite topics, Chronic Pain!! One of the reasons this post took me so long!!!

Chances are if your character has chronic pain as a result of their EDS there are gonna be some things they hate, including stairs, rain, thunderstorms, stairs, hills, uneven terrain, oh and did I mention stairs??? It’s going to vary person to person, but almost everyone I’ve met with pain from EDS has complained about their knees. For me the most debilitating pain is in my fingers and wrists. They’re by far my least stable joints but I use them constantly for stuff like drawing, typing, and sewing.

Because my joint pain is so wide spread, like most people’s with hEDS, it effects every single part of my day to day life. I can’t carry a heavy ceramic plate, open a bottle, or even use my computer without pain. It’s practically impossible for me to get comfortable in any position be it sitting or laying down, and as you can imagine that makes it hard to sleep a lot of the time. Moving too much hurts, but so does sitting still. I’m constantly taking braces on and off or cracking/stretching my joints so they pop back into place and hurt less.

Also being in pain makes everything else That Much Worse. I get tired way faster than I did before my pain was this bad (I had chronic pain for a while before actually realizing it wasn’t normal to not be able to walk down the block without feeling like your foot bones are trying to escape). My sensory issues and anxiety disorder are more easily aggravated because my base level of comfort is way worse. It fucks with my depression. And OH BOY does it make my ADHD worse because being in pain is fucking distracting as hell and makes it harder to make decisions and switch tasks. Also my ADHD often makes my other symptoms worse cause I forget to take my meds, don’t drink enough water, or can’t find my fucking braces because the item eating black-hole that comes with ADHD stole them. The intersection of mental and physical disabilities is probably a rant for another time though, so back to chronic pain.

Does it suck? Yes, undoubtedly. Is this incredibly debilitating? Of course it is, I spent the last several months unable to feed myself without assistance because there was a staircase between my room and the kitchen and I could only manage to climb it once a day. Is it overwhelming? Definitely, I’ve frequently broken down crying from a combination of pain and frustration because I’m having a bad day and there’s no relief to be found. Am I able to predict when it’s going to rain with uncanny accuracy because any change in barometric pressure makes me feel like every bone in my body is trying to kill it’s neighbors? You bet your fucking ass I am!! Does it sometimes make me irritable, angry, and occasionally dismissive of when abled people get cold or a temporary injury because the stuff they’re complaining about is my life every single day and all avenues of treatment and recovery I have could take years and still not entirely solve my issues? Yeah, and while I deserve a little extra patience I also have to be sure to check myself because I don’t want to turn into someone who’s nasty to be around. Do I sometimes need to sleep for 17 hours straight because it’s raining, I have migraine, and I’m in too much pain to be conscious? Yup, sometimes a few days in a row. Does living in constant pain mean I’m unable to do all the things I want to and does that sometimes make me wanna curl up in bed and never leave? Yeah, it happens.

But! And here’s the big important but, that’s not everything! I still write, draw, and talk to my friends!! It might take me a little longer but I get there. I’m still happy and excitable and make the time to write out five page long posts about EDS because it’s something I’m passionate about! My chronic pain doesn’t stop me. I refuse to let it. I never really wanted to go mountain climbing anyway, so I’m perfectly happy being able to make it up and down the six steps in my house, even if sometimes I have to sit and bump down them on my ass, or crawl up them like a cat. Chronic pain isn’t all I am. It isn’t a fate worse than death. It isn’t the only thing your character should talk about (though I do talk about my pain a lot cause I’m a complainer about almost everything). You can have your character be hindered by their pain, realistically they would be. You can have them seek comfort, support, and relief. Other characters can commiserate and be sympathetic, but it doesn’t mean their whole life is going to be one big pity party, that would be incredibly fucking boring. I know I’d be bored out of my mind.

All that said dealing with chronic pain, especially from EDS, is Complicated. Physical Therapy is the gold standard, but like I said before it can be a long and difficult process, and isn’t always accessible. Stabilization methods like I talked about before can help prevent pain, or reduce it by keeping bones mostly where they belong. Heat and cold help joints, relax muscles, and reduce inflammation but keeping them applied is rough and the relief doesn’t always last. Doctors prescribe anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and sometimes even anti-epileptic medication to help manage pain, but everyone’s mileage with those varies. And I’m not at all qualified to talk in-depth about narcotics or other heavy duty pain-meds, but suffice to say the war on drugs fucked shit up for people that legit need that kind of help BIG TIME.

Now for my closer/bonus rant about EDS and Disability Writing in General!

Everyone always says write what you know, so if you really want to do disabled people justice, get to know disabled people! Make friends with disabled people, get involved with advocacy groups, consume content made by disabled creators both about disability and not! Disabilities are so fucking diverse, even EDS is such a complex disorder, and comes with so many potential co-morbidities, that practically everyone with it has a unique experience. There’s no way I can fully explain everything in a tumblr post. Hell, even if I could talk to you for hours probably couldn’t give you enough info to answer all your questions (especially since I’m still in diagnosis hell :,) ), so talk to a wide range of people with EDS and other disabilities!! I know it sounds like a lot of work but trust me, disabled people are some of the strongest, raddest, coolest, people you will ever meet that it won’t feel like it.

And don’t be afraid either, the fact that EDS and other disabilities are so wildly varied means that you have a little bit of wiggle room with your character’s experience. There’s so little disability rep out their I think people are WAY to scared to try their hand at writing it. So long as your character is a fully developed person in addition to being disabled, you give some logical thought as to how it would affect their life, and you don’t make their disability the butt of any joke it isn’t difficult to avoid ableist writing. PLEASE WRITE MORE DISABLED PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC PAIN/CHRONIC ILLNESS!!

Okay that’s it, again sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! My fingers were being little pests about it, and my ADHD (which is honestly more disabling than everything else a lot of the time lmao) was being an asshole! Hope this helps, and feel free to ask me more questions if you need clarification! It might take me a bit but I do love talking about this stuff.

[radbutsafe]

ALL FUCKIN 35 OF THEM SKLNWESDJFPXO

I SHOULDVE EXPECTED THIS FROM YOU

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

A three! I think I’m mid range cause I ain’t terrible but there is still shit I gotta improve and grow in my writing

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to manifest what canon won’t give me and to write more! (though yes it is mainly about the smooching and the— I’ll stop there LOL)

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hm! My weird research details? I’m that “fun fact, did you know...” in my fics sometimes LOL! I plan on giving a penthouse for erina in a fic and I went through penthouse listings in Japan for floor layouts and locations💀 my research gives me inspo and depth to stuff I think I lack in comparison to others sometimes.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

In terms of fellow fic writers, one of them I can’t name here but she’s an inspiration with her exceptional gift for prose period and her lovely skill at comedy! I want to be as funny as her when I write, I love her ironic situational humor. Other fic writers are @takoyakitenchou, @royaldragonsevgisi15 who I always love sharing ideas with and motivate me to create more! For non-fic writers it would be V.E. Schwab, Leigh Bardugo, Oda, and Horikoshi! The last two may be mangaka, however they are writers as well to create their stories! The depth these creators have given their worlds and interesting characters theyve given life to are all what I aspire to be like!

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

so far uh?? hm everything I’m currently writing are wips lol!! im proud of my wip that has been nicknamed ‘soma panics’ that is a multi-chapter fic that spans like probs 20 plus chapters maybe

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

dialogue! it’s so much fun! and character thoughts. I’ve said to people I may be better suited for script writing

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I think it’s description, of like setting and showing action. also an expansion of my vocabulary LOL

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

erina! I think it’s because canon has shown us many of her different faces and range of emotion.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

SOMA!! chill ass mofo whos more carefree compared to the common shonen protagonist! for other shokugeki characters I’m not sure just yet because I haven’t flexed my fingers enough for the rest of them.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

I guess I should say romance cause that’s what I mostly write LOL!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

sorina and I try to get them to smooch eventually KEK and yeah it’s..usually romantic fluff lmao

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

HONESTLY ALL OF THEM but “soma panics” is my brain child

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

pretty sure it’s digimon....

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

currently shokugeki no soma!!!!

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

uhhhh I guess SNS? LMAO fandoms...all have their quirks to them.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

characters cuddling!!!! or getting the urge to smooch!!!!

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

unrequited love GOOD FUCKIN BYEEEEEE

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I have plot ideas thst can be wild potentially but so far nothing fits this criteria so far that I actually have written.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

depends on the fandom, but if written well, all of it!

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

shippy 100% like I said I like smoochin

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

romantic is...*drumroll* SORINA! platonic, soutaku and erina and alice!

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

Sometimes! There are times songs will be on loop and times I just shuffle a playlist. and if I’m writing in random bursts it’ll be with no music but it really does depend lmao I think music is when I’m forcing myself to write?

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

completely independent ideas, I’ve realized in the past prompts shoot me in the foot often unless I luckily figure something out. but I’m often driven by my own sporadic self interest with shitty ping ponging attention

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

multi-chap I guess cause I can post without being finished LOLLL but tbh can I really answer? I haven’t finished anything.....

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I can’t answer this question imo because I haven’t finished a fic yet so technically stuff could all fit in the one fic?

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

MYSTERY AND CRIME! I love the genre and I have plot ideas once a blue moon but I can’t dive in because I want to make details that work and reduce plot holes where suspension of disbelief isn’t as needed. I need to study it more (I need to study all the details for any of my fics imo to be confident sometimes LOL)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I don’t think I can say one comment was the nicest because I’ve gotten comments that have given me quite the smiles to my face many times! I know this is a cop out but it’s true!

IS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY UNTIL REINA SENT ME THE FOLLOWING ON DISCORD LIKE TWENTY MINS AGO:

and also rad. i am never this vocal about my emotions like EVER but this needs to be said your fics are obviously far from perfect, as are mine and everyone else's. but the thing about your works is that they're so well-sanded that it's impossible to find any rough edges or faults in them in terms of cohesion to a plot. your cast is never OOC and the amount of effort you devote to developing your takes on the characters as accurately as possible is unimaginably awe-inspiring.

BITCH I WANNA CRY 😭

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

I’d like to believe I take it often well to try and improve because that’s always my goal. if someone is rude lol that’s not constructive snd is unhelpful. If I disagree with criticism I’ll explain why !

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Not yet, but I have some plot ideas I think will let me test this.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

F L U F F.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

elliott fuji, a japanese-american award winning photographer who is erina’s boyfriend in ‘soma panics’ which..causes soma’s panic LOL he’s 30 with slightly wavy black hair. I still haven’t pinpointed his personality just yet...he kind of humble brags for sure an artsy fucker and flirts maybe I’ll make him a lil shy though. he teaches sometimes, and becomes an adjunct photography professor in Tokyo so he can be with erina.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

a cook is unfashionably late in realizing his feelings.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I am a slow. so slow. motivation who is she? I also write out of order, unfortunately a bit too often.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

this should be for the fic ‘soma panics’ it’s either megumi or satoshi talkin to him rn, I’m leaning towards satoshi

“You thought she would always wait for you, didn’t you Soma-kun? To always welcome you home.”

Soma drags his palms down his face and groans. He doesn’t like this at all. He doesn’t shy from confrontation but this is a whole different ballgame. Soma doesn’t play any ball.

“I guess..?” Is his reply, because he thinks he isn’t sure how to answer that.

“You guess?”

Just being questioned again is enough to crack Soma’s pathetic facade as if it was dropped chinaware and he lets out the longest sigh.

“No.”

Coming home means coming home to Nakiri Erina too.

Nakiri Erina is his forever.

this is @takoyakitenchou’s excerpt she’s most proud of that I’ve written, which is also from you guessed it, the long fic soma panics

SOMA: I am, I mean I will be, I swear I will always come home to you, not spend as much time abroad, once I’m done with work I’ll come right back. I’ll make sure to message you. Nakiri, I’m in love you with you. Maybe for a really long time. You know how I say I dedicate my food to you? My dad—my dad said that the key to become a good chef is to find someone to dedicate your cooking to. A special someone. For my dad it was my mom, you know? For me it’s...

(this is a good piece of dialogue tbh so I am also proud of this)

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I’ve mentioned it throughout this but the WIP I’ve nicknamed ‘soma panics’ is something I’m super excited to write, but it’s going on slowly...and almost completely out of order. out of all of my writing it showed off that particular habit of mine, along with “what is this, a shoujo manga?!” though the latter is currently being written chronologically now that I’ve posted chapter one and is pretty solid in direction. it was originally supposed to be a one shot but I got impatient and wanted to post at least something for the sorina / soueri fandom.

however, because ‘soma panics’ (I won’t call it that LOL) is my baby I want to keep true to my rule of refusing to post it until I have a draft of the entire fic finished and I’m satisfied with the main points pretty much. due to my writing out of order, I’m worried I’ll change my mind about scenes or want to reflect things in earlier chapters for later ones etc etc

I joined the SnS fandom extremely late, as season five was airing. I was a fan of the manga five years ago and dropped it because I forgot to check for updates when I caught up 😔 I really want to bang out the different fics and aus for sorina that I have before the fandom fizzles out entirely but tbh I’m writing for myself, I’m manifesting what I want to see and I’ll just share it with all my friends to read if no one else will. cause I’m slow broski I dunno what writing fast even is like LMAO I do really want to write faster though, so I can contribute more and let the words free from the discord dms....

[masonscig]

first line tag game

thank you for the tag @crackerdumortain !!!!! yours were so much fun to read omg !!!!

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag some of your favourite authors!

[disclaimer: i write for the choices fandom and some for litg so you’ll see a mix of those fandoms on this list LMAO]

1. stay [twc – mason x sofía]

The first time was casual. She had a knack for musing her thoughts aloud, tossing her harmless opinions out for anyone who’d catch them.

She was good at starting conversations in that way – while he’d never been one for talking.

She never did it with heavy topics, though.

2. thieves in the shadows [choices – blades au – mal x zilyana]

bullets pelted the crates they were crouched behind, wood splintering in every direction. bodies were strewn across the warehouse, the unmistakable pools of blood streaking across the stone.

“raine! to your left!” immy yelled her way, barely sparing her a glance before unloading her clip, shell casings clinking against the ground.

the gun trembled in yana’s hands. she’d shot one before – practice at the gun range, glass bottles in a back alley – but never a live target.

3. if we meet again [choices – open heart au – bryce x spencer] 18+

year one

The ride from the airport to her parents’ home was long and grueling, the slushy ice pelting the windshield barely passing for snow.

It was practically sub-zero outside, a stark difference between the mid seventies weather she’d just left.

4. clandestine [twc – mason x sofía] 18+

“hey. hey wake up –”

she stirred at the greeting, but jumped when he kicked the desk. her face contorted into a grimace, the imprint of her tweed jacket on her cheek outlined in pink. “hmm?”

“you fell asleep again,” he said, plopping a bag in front of her.

5. undying [choices – blades – mal x zilyana]

Zilyana stirred, resituating herself against Mal’s bare chest, feeling his arm instinctively tighten around her shoulders. When she realized she was missing the sound of his deep breathing, accompanied with an occasional soft snore, she cracked an eye open to see his chin tipped upwards, his gaze trained on the ceiling.

6. talent show [choices – platinum – shane x dom]

There wasn’t a day that went by where she didn’t cross his mind. Even since they were kids.

He admired so much about her – her fiery spirit, her drive, her unwavering tenacity.

And he’d been in love with Dom for as long as he could remember.

7. redeemed [choices – platinum – raleigh x dom]

As soon as he stepped off stage, he was shuffled to his tour bus, Fiona on his heels. She looked like the human embodiment of rage in a grey blazer, a look in her eye that made him thankful he wasn’t the one it was directed at – or at least he hoped he wasn’t the reason she was two seconds away from a murderous rampage.

8. hidden [choices – foreign affairs – blaine x carina] 18+

Her cheek slipped out of the palm of her hand, forehead smacking the desk, nearly jumping out of her skin at the abrupt awakening.

“Ow.”

She prodded the tender spot on her face, thankful her foundation was thick.

A soft snore caught her attention – next to her, Blaine was passed out. Leaning back in his chair, his head was thrown back, arms crossed against his chest, the textbook on its face in his lap.

9. is this fate? [litg au – bobby x mc] 18+

The peroxide was cold when it hit her skin, the liquid bubbling on her knee, relentlessly stinging. She sucked in a breath through gritted teeth.

“Sorry… should be over soon,” he murmured, wiping up the stray liquid that streamed down her leg with a small rag.

The heaviness of the atmosphere between them was almost too much to bear – they’d barely spoken since he helped her onto the counter in his small office, leg propped up between his own, where he sat in his desk chair.

10. asvista cove [litg college au – bobby x elena]

Bobby’s thumb flicked the lighter repeatedly until he got a consistent flame, moving slowly from left to right over the edge of the blunt. His cheeks hollowed out as he sucked in, the tip of it an auburn ember. He pulled it out of his mouth and sucked in an even deeper breath, holding it.

When he blew out the thick cloud of smoke, he passed it to her, coughing under his breath. “Whew. Your turn.”

She followed suit, the thick smoke coating the inside of her lungs, bitter and heavy. She exhaled, the shroud smoke enveloping her view of the sealine.

11. reticent [twc – mason x sofía] 18+

She was bare.

Bare in the way that one is when they’ve been stripped down and torn apart with a trained gaze just calculating enough for them to feel seen – parts of her she didn’t know she’d hidden splayed out like withered pages of a book, dog-eared and marked up like a frequently reread novel.

One he’d reread because it was familiar, because it had fallen into his lap (he hadn’t searched for it), not so much because it was his favorite.

12. more [twc – mason x sofía] 18+

He laced his fingers through her thick hair, reveling in the way his skin looked contrasted against the midnight of her hair.

[the way i can’t post more than this bc it’s....... very nsfw right out the bat LMFAO]

13. calm before the storm [choices – open heart – bryce x spencer]

Since the moment his hands trembled amidst one of the most important surgeries of his life, Bryce was holding on by a thread.

With each half-assed joke he cracked, each wavering smile, each time he tried convincing others – including himself – that he was coping, he fell apart more and more.

The first night he went home after Spencer was quarantined, he trudged through the halls of Edenbrook, like he was dragging his legs through wet concrete. He was nearly magnetized to her bedside, not wanting to leave, but he needed to rest – he’d been awake for nearly a day and a half by the time he clocked out.

14. envy | part two of the attached series [twc – mason x sofía x felix]

He strode down the hallway, hands in his pockets to give the illusion that he didn’t give a shit, when he was most definitely on edge. His fingers flicked his lighter open and closed against the twill lining of his pockets, trying to focus on the soft clicking noise it made instead of the swarm of thoughts clouding his conscience.

He still couldn’t figure out why he cared so much.

15. comfort | part one of the attached series [twc – mason x sofía x felix]

He noticed it before she did.

Her pulse didn’t jump the same way it did the first dozen times he walked into the room. The blood didn’t rush to her cheeks, or creep up her neck, the crimson flush absent even when he tried his hardest to fluster her. And it normally took next to nothing to get her to turn into a bumbling mess.

16. out of time [choices – open heart – sienna x danny]

She sprinted down the hallway, pager still beeping erratically on her hip, the weight of the numbers enough to make her feel like she was slugging through wet concrete.

No, no, not him, please, not him, she chanted to herself, vision blurring with tears before she had the chance to let the negative possibilities set in.

17. unrequited part three [choices – open heart – bryce x spencer]

She slumped into the seat in the deserted waiting room, her joints popping as she stretched, her deep sigh echoing off of the tile. She was exhausted.

She could usually push through the worst of her shifts, but fatigue settled into her bones, a lethargy she’d never experienced entrapping her like a net, and she couldn’t fight her way out of it this time.

18. signs [choices – ride or die – logan x raquel]

“A final in sign language? Couldn’t you just have a conversation with the teacher or some shit?” Logan sat across from her on the couch, watching as her fingers bent and flexed, transfixed.

She stopped abruptly, screwing her mouth to the side in concentration. She repeated the same few moves, getting more and more frustrated with each sequence.

19. mementos [choices – ride or die – logan x raquel]

The sound of his boots slapping against the damp pavement reverberated off of the brick of the alleyways, his gasping breaths adding to the symphony that was his escape.

20. warmth [twc – mason x sofía]

“You’re going the wrong way,” Mason grunted, looking particularly stiff in her passenger seat.

“I thought we could take the scenic route,” she shrugged, flicking her high beams on as she turned off of the main road leading downtown, easing on the brakes when the tires hit the gravel.

okay so....... i didn’t really realize just HOW MUCH i’ve written since the summer? i’ve fallen into a pattern where i think i’m a failure bc of how slow i am to write because i have so many series i’ve started and dropped off and wips i’ve abandoned but.... i’ve managed to write for most appreciation weeks i’ve both hosted/participated in and i’ve written for THREE fandoms.... i don’t normally gas myself up but? i’m really? proud of myself? KSJDJKSD if you read this far thank you and you’re prob watching me have a breakdown over how much i’ve managed to write oh my GOD ok i need to lie down KLSDFKASFJD i didn’t even think i could hit 20 but i did???? alright i’m officially gonna treat myself at some point bc i did all this in less than a year.... these are from the end of july 2020 to now..... wow ok im done i promise SKDFJKSDF

tagging: @raleighcarrera and @pixeljazzy !!! <3 

[saskiavalentineapologist]

progress update on Sacrament: chapters 1, 2, 3, and 5 are done. Chapter 4 is almost done (probs about 2/3-3/4 of the way there) and chapters 10, 11, and the epilogue (12) have bits and pieces, perhaps about 1/3 of the way there for those three. so far it's about 16.3k words, or about 40 or so computer pages in 12pt font.

I'm planning on beginning to post it to ao3 once the first 6-8 chapters are done (bc lbr it's in second person and it's fucked up gay religious shit and will probably never get officially published ever). it's probably going to update on a once a week/twice a week schedule, depending on how much free time i have going into my last semester of college

other writing news: I am workshopping my novel with a professor this semester, and so most of my writing energy will be devoted to that. so expect some daosa posts once the semester starts. we're hopefully going to workshop fuckin uhhhhhh chapters 5-10?? if we can manage it. my girlfriend has been reading through my book and giving very insightful feedback, so i've got direction to do some last minute edits before the semester starts so i'm not dumping a hot pile of high-schooler writing garbage on the desk of my professor.

in any case, very productive writing time!!! very exciting!!! i feel alive!!! my wrist is killing me because i wrote ~2.5k words yesterday. (i almost typed just 2.5 words and tbh it do be like that sometimes)

I'm so excited to get back on the daosa hype train. hopefully by the end of 2022 i can get the ball rolling on actually publishing the dang thing???? depends on how this semester goes.

OH right i started doing the writing advice thing where it's like "Challenge Yourself To Not Using Thinking Words" and boy howdy i kinda like where that's taken my writing???? very much a fan of it. will have to try it for my edits of daosa.

that's all. take care be well have a wonderful day!! :)