#it's always right now until it's later | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bylrndgm · 2 months

Text

JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS (2020) // JULIE E OS FANTASMAS (2011) 1.01 - Wake Up // 1.01 - Enfrentando Fantasmas -> Julie meets the Band.

#julie and the phantoms #julie e os fantasmas #jatp #mine #mine:gif #storytime: when i was in middle school i found myself to be obsessed with julie e os fantasmas (jeof)#and by watching it i have learned some words in portoguese which - later in my life - i have always wanted to learn better #besides that - in middle school i used to wear julie's iconic side ponytail !! i was THE biggest jeof fan like EVER #i used to watch it with my little sister and i would pretend i had some ghosts friends as well - popping out of my stereo (lol)#so... flash forward to 2020. i can't recall HOW i found out about jatp... it's just that i have heard of it and i was like hold on...#does this have to do anything with jeof? so i was super intrigued and watched the pilot and YES!! a brand new up-to-date remake #of my favorite tv show as a kid LIKE WOW. and idk i thought it was somehow underground as the og one ... saw NO ONE talking about it online #until up recently when i got back on tumblr (actually 2 years ago) and i saw there was this LIVELY community of people appreaciating this #show AS MUCH as i was appreciating the og as a youngster.#goes without saying that it was so surprising to me and it healed parts of me that i didn't think needed to be healed. wow. just wow.#i have never posted content for these two bad boys #mostly bcs i was salty that jatp was canceled (ugh) until now!! i hope you enjoyyyyy #ALSO i remember as a kid i was watching jeof on tv right? but i had missed some episodes so i remember LMAO going online and there was this #website (like a random person's own website) that was hosting all of the episodes. my very first experience with streaming series online

115 notes · View notes

katabay · 10 months

Text

ANDREY STAMATIN

Keep a close eye on Peter. You'd become desperate and turn into a villain without him.

I spend a lot of time thinking about daniil and peter, but something just clicked into place for me with andrey. so!

I am. currently untangling this thread of thoughts about the stamatin twins and daniil and this kind of. triangle that's happening. a three fold bullet for sure, the kind of recognition-awareness-understanding where three people become one, but to step back from that. when daniil and andrey talk, there's a specific shape of peter that stands in his conversational absence. so: triangle formation. it's opposite-adjacent-complementary to daniil and peter's conversations. it all goes back to that first conversation you have with andrey. it's giving knife. love it!

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost

#OBSESSED WITH HIM #like i was Intrigued by him but i think re reading girard made me go OH i understand you now #wild that i never connected dots between daniil 'Defeat Death' dankovsky and andrey 'Sentenced To Death In Four Countries' stamatin #the transgressive aspect to andrey was like. yeah buddy. you and daniil are reflections in that way of course. but now im like.#oh. okay! got it.#andrey was always harder for me to get a grasp on because i work better at analyzing character pairs but you cant do andrey #without some version of peter and that's three people (debatably four). thankfully. AW2 has me thinking thoughts about #characters in stacks of 5. so now i get to think new thoughts about this game #pathologic #andrey stamatin #shdhghgh classic patho dialogue with patho 2 character designs. i will do it again until we get the bachelor's route #ehdhghgh i wanted to talk about girard's triangle that's happening too but it's not quite. right.#because daniil is the mediator but the thing desired is an abstract-literal thing that all three of them are reaching for #but are unable to conceptualize without the other two in place #i'll get back to this thought later. but its like. the twin dialogue of pulling in opposite directions. but now 3 sides of the same coin #coherent recognition is achieved with. daniil. and also transformative violence as a catalyst.

193 notes · View notes

muppetjackrackham · 1 year

Text

PJO Fancast (6/?) → Iñaki Godoy as Leo Valdez

Leo looked like a Latino Santa's elf, with curly black hair, pointy ears, a cheerful, babyish face, and a mischievous smile that told you right away this guy should not be trusted around matches or sharp objects. His long, nimble fingers wouldn't stop moving—drumming on the seat, sweeping his hair behind his ears, fiddling with the buttons of his army fatigue jacket. Either the kid was naturally hyper or he was hopped up on enough sugar and caffeine to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. "Anyway," Leo said, "I hope you've got your worksheet, 'cause I used mine for spit wads days ago. Why are you looking at me like that? Somebody draw on my face again?"

#first of all if you haven't watched opla DO IT RIGHT NOW IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD OH MY GOD #secondly i actually really debated this one #because initially i thought luffy has the same adhd poster child energy that percy has #and thought about changing my original percy fancast (that i will reveal at a later date) to iñaki #but then i remebered that heroes of olympus exists and i have decided that until i am proven wrong iñaki godoy was literally born in a lab #to play leo valdez #even tho he's already 20 and probably committed to several seasons of opla and it is INCREDIBLY optimistic thinking to assume that we're #guaranteed to make it to heroes of olympus era #that being said you can pry iñaki godoy leo valdez out of my cOLD DEAD HANDS i love him so much okay #it's been probably ten or so years since i read heroes of olympus but leo was always my favourite character of the legacy pjo characters #my edits #pjoedit #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo fancast #iñaki godoy #leo valdez

159 notes · View notes

vv-ispy · 5 months

Text

something something samsara cycles I don't think it's a coincidence that the overthrow of Decarabian involved Jean and Diluc's ancestor + Venti's lookalike friend -> Mondstadt archon quest the key players taking down Dvalin were Jean and Diluc + Venti

Is. Traveler Amos?

Or put another way, traveler is the one with the floaty friend -> bard has the floaty friend. Venti is friends with Dvalin the terror of the tower/Amos is friends? Lovers? Something? With Decarabian the tyrant in the tower. Venti -> Amos, Traveler -> Nameless bard, Paimon -> Venti?

#i wake up. i start ramblings about whatever media i'm into at the moment #continuing on my reverse-engineering-old-mondstad-by-looking-at-current-game agenda #now i'm creating amos-was-secretly-helping-the-rebellion-early-on to paralell venti-helping-the-traveler-when-they-first-arrived headcanon #bard later running into amos: hey doesn't her voice sound familiar?#wispti who did not experience Amos Abilitites that bard did: ?????????#does amos have an eye colour? her eye colour is now the blue sky the bard always wanted to see #takes the mondstadt archon quest. stuffs it into old mondstadt #also something something venti playing multiple roles #also. incognito amos changing her looks to leave the tower and mingle with the people every once in a while #amos who wanted to save decarabian but things went wrong and he died and she died and the bard died #.........abyss corrupted decarabian? look we've got multiple corrupted gods in history already we can have another #thinking about that theory that furina/focalor did their fooling-the-heavily-principle plan over and over again until they got it right #maybe all the gods are living in time repeating over and over and over again until they get it right #maybe dvalin wasn't saved the first time around either #...........don't mind my crack theories with no canon basis this is now an exercise in creative writing #genshin talk

29 notes · View notes

autisticlee · 13 days

Text

"good people are out there you just need to get out and find them"

cool thanks. but i'm too tired to keep ~going out and looking for them~ i'm too tired to keep trying, using up all my energy, getting super overwhelmed and burnt out after just a couple weeks of trying as hard as I can, met with other people barely trying back or not being very responsive, and needing to recover from it for a year or more each time because it overwhelms and burns me out so bad. I get nowhere no matter how hard I try, all i get is uselesss advice from people i try to befriend who dont want the responsibility of friending me. i'm tired of trying beyond my limits and causing more issues for myself. or dealing with issues I get from meeting the "wrong" people. if the "right" people exist, why can't they find me? why does it have to be only my job? i'm too tired and overwhelmed and burnt out to do it!!!!! the right people will just easily help and be there for me right? so I guess i just have to keep waiting for them for all eternity????? i'm tired of waiting. give me more than "just wait/keep trying/don't give up" because those instructions unclear and my useless attempts are very discouraging and exhausting and i'm so overwhelmed that i'm losing the ability to even socialize at a minimum at all now!!!!

if humans are meant to be social creatures and we require positive interactions with each other to stay healthy, then why do humans ostracize their own? why do some of us struggle so much and are denied any help and instead blamed? why can't I be given advice on how to live a lonely life without anyone else by my side instead of being told "one day! keep trying! you need people because it's essential to being human!" even though i've been waiting for "one day" for 25 years and could wait 25 more, or even longer? I don't know what i'm doing wrong or how to improve it so waiting is all I have. what if I wait forever?

#ive been trying to find “the right people” for like 25 years. im so tired of hearing “one day/eventually”#i need people now. i admit i need help!!! i cant do life alone!!! but ONE DAY is not NOW. im struggling now. not later #why is it always “keep trying because ONE DAY” and never “heres how to deal with it now and if one day never comes”#because NOT EVERYONE GET THEIR “ONE DAY” AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING GIVEN EMPTY PROMISES #AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING IGNORED AND DENIED HELP *NOW* BECAUSE EVERYONE WANTS YOU TO REPLY ON A HYPOTHETICAL “ONE DAY”#IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!!!!!!#lee rants #what if the “one day” where people actually care isnt until theyre at my funeral huh? because ive seen it happen.#autistic #autism #actually autistic #social problems #social issues #social isolation #adult autism #adult friendships #autism support #autistic friendship #this has been bothering me. i think its called toxic positivity. people throw it at me and it makes me feel worse. stop 😭#and “it happened to me so that means it will happen for you!” no it doesnt!!!!! you had better luck/circumstances. i dont have what you did #it doesnt inspire me or give me hope. it makes me feel more hopeless others can do stuff and i cant.#people were willing to help you but not me? youre not willing to now help me? what else do i do?#especially when people tell me they struggled for a few years. im glad you haven't struggled your whole life like me #and i know youre trying to be nice. but it doesnt help im sorry 😭😭😭😭😭

13 notes · View notes

liquidstar · 6 months

Text

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

23 notes · View notes

daily-whistlepaw · 4 months

Text

daily whistlepaw until jze becomes PoV day 1245

#warrior cats #whistlepaw #windclan #medicine cat apprentice #honestly this is just really how I feel right now #exams start tomorrow and I'm not free from them until the first of july #so wish me luck!#normally whisses will continue like normal it'll just be a pain on occasion and a few whisses might be lazier because EXAMS #but I might end up skipping a day or two - especially around the later half of these exams because they ramp up in painfulness #and have less days inbetween #so it'll be a bit more unpleasant a time lol #but I'll survive this; I might fail a few but I'll manage to clown my way through as I always do

12 notes · View notes

kuruk · 2 months

Text

stayed up late to play splatoon with my little sister who's on a horrible sleeping schedule rn and when I went to lay down in bed my joint pain and finger mobility suddenly felt so weird I couldn't control my hand (real) and I had a panic attack instantly thinking I wss having a stroke (not real) 😑 90% of the panic attacks I've had this year happened like as soon as I laid down to go to sleep. don't even know how to prevent it other then literally don't stop sleeping and napping in case you accidentally go over 12 hours of being awake and start to decline mentally. lying on back is the worst for anxiety even on a good day I can't stay like that without getting anxious for no reason and lying on my stomach is my preferred position but I can feel my heartbeat too much like that T_T and side isn't good either because I always have to switch and then I get scared.. not to mention how one side is going to feel uneven and make me think it's finally happening...

#the worst is that i know something is genuinely wrong and it makes everything im worried about more likely #when i worked as a dishwasher/general cleaning whatever i would walk for like 8 hours per shift 3 times a week #but every night i would come home feverish and it would last until days later when i was supposed to be in class #snd it didnt end for months even when i got used to it i kept getting so cold and feverish and constantly in pain and asleep i missed class #and a specific type of pain always comes with the fevers whuch is low back pain which when i first got it i was 18 #and it made me collapse suddenly while walking down the stairs out of nowhere #thats when my hands started getting tremors and started having issues moving fingers right they lock and dont listen #and now im realizing the shape of my hands is so different now my fingers are so crooked and one finger has an obvious nodule on the joint #i thought it would get better because i thought antipsychotics caused my hand issues #but it just keeps getting worse and if it's like this now what will ot be like when im older #i know im b12 deficient i was hoping i couls solve that and not be in pain and tired but i think that's just a resultand not the cause #im in pain now too my body just hurts it was gone for a while but lately it's one of the worst and i didnt even do anything this time

19 notes · View notes

andariyadoesart · 6 months

Text

I applied as a page artist for a fanzine about a month ago. I've never done something like that and also did not expect to be accepted, tbf.

BUT somehow I did!

I'm so happy. I'm going to contribute to a zine as a page artist waaaah ❤️🥺

#;; rambles #now only need to figure out the stuff for printing to make sure it'll look good later #but like #ME? I got in??#I read online you shouldn't expect to get in right away for the first one you apply to #but I did somehow?? I'm- sdjkfhskjd #the hardest challenge is probably going to be to keep my illustration a secret until I'm allowed to post the artwork lmao #because I'm always excited to post new artworks xD

6 notes · View notes

ubike-official · 1 month

Text

date back on for sunday now. His friend is okay. thank god. And uhhh, yea now we're finally be fr about the "hey we met on a dating, lets be so fr about what our experience has been" uncharted territory besties. we're not at "so what are you looking for?" but i already essentially told him my approach is to just really try getting to know ppl i find interesting and letting a spark develop from there w/o pressure. kinda like in school where you consistently see people in casual settings. and he thought it was a good plan so uh. here we are.

#basically he's had no luck and only like 2 matches (excluding me i believe) and all those people just never responded to him #which must be so funny bc now theres like. me. where i have seen his id. know his govt name. address. dob. and vitals. like. crazy.#and he's seen mine too ofc. equality. and uh. sounds like he's never dated. never had any bug feelings for anyone despite wanting to fall i #love so bad. which is... interesting. i feel like he has liked ppl and not recognized that it's a crush. nit just wanting to be friends but #imma hold off on sharing that until further developments.#i basically told him that I've had a very different experience. not to like brag but like most women will have better luck on apps (also hi #profile kinda sucks. all 4 photos look like a different person. his like actual answers to prompts aren't bad. they're good. thats what mad #me think 'oh i think i could rlly get along w/ this dude' but he'd attract a very niche type of woman)#which i also. didn't fully say. bc time and place. it'll come up but not right now. but yea so i told him that like. ive gotten many matche #but a lotttt of it is super low quality. lot of wasted time. so like. yea. we all have a bad time on dating apps till someone sticks and we #dont. we basically have both admitted to having idealized people in the past and getting the ick irl. and yea. building some good common #ground. ive always wanted to ask to ppl ive gone out w/ what their experience looks like but i feel like thats not smth to talk abt till #later on and I've never wanted anything past a 2nd date before so. yea.#although my first date did tell me but she was poly and like much more open to talking abt that than most monogamous ppl would be

3 notes · View notes

mqonlighting · 7 months

Text

real talk in the tags for a second because i have a crush on a girl and i. a hehe. ahehehe.

will be burying this in reblogs and never touching on it again

#so random disclaimer this girl is like a year older than me and in high school it’s like a nono for older and younger batch to like be #a thing so i know i generally have no chance but i like to live in my own insanity and the progression of my crush on her has been absolute #ly cuckoo bananas. so like it started out as ‘i wanna be your friend’ and progressed into ‘shit they’re really pretty’ to ‘wow ur so??’ to #‘fuck i like them’ and then it died down and then by all golly it came back but more of a hallway crush now which is bearable bc i’m #not really a part of their life?? like we know each other but we don’t wave and shit and we don’t like ever interact that much so i was lik #ok this is fine bc they literally never think of me so i’m just admiring from afar. and the FIRST inciting incident was i request them onig #and i expect to not get accepted because according to their friends they onyl accept close friends and i’m like k this is a bad idea probs #but the worst that could happen is i get left in their follow requests right?? RIGHT?? but then within like two hours of reqing. lord.#i got. ACCEPTED. and they requested back. and suddenly it’s +1 tangibility like ok?? maybe we’re not as strangers as i thought we were #i later discovered i was not that special for this but also?? cool?? anyways for a while it kind of laid dead and we never spoke at all eve #tho i was in their acc now (at this time they barely posted but whenever they did it was so?? funny like they would slap the randomest shit #on that acc) and it was still a hallway crush altho my friends r awful (/pos) people who would always make me pass their hallway and i #would run into them so often but at this point we only ever like exchanged glances and they would walk right past me like i wasnt even ther #but THEN the second incident happened which was basically we had to play instruments for this christmas event thing and bc they’re literall #y amazing they played for it and i was roped into it and. i was so gay the whole time. bc who wears a leather jacket to school and gets the #prettiest haircut ever right on the last day before a long break?? and the worst part is whenevr something confusing happened they would #turn to me and this one other person and we’d b laughing together. like we r friends. and they’re so fucking nice they were checking up on #us the whole time i was literally dying i kept dropping my pick and stealing looks AURURUGH and they’re so gen funny and interesting i just #and the first few days of holiday break i just couldn’t stop thinking abt them it was so bad? like that was the moment where i was genuinel #like is this more than a hallway crush… eventually it died back down until the next event we had to play together where they were being SO #SO much more comf w me? like exchanging knowing looks when smt funny happens and that stuff.. at this point i didnt even know what to like #think of my crush on them so i just let it be yk. atp they’re not even waving at me in the hallways at all still so maybe they’re just bein #nice! BUT NO. THAT IS UNTIL I AUDITIONED FOR A BAND (theyr in charge of accepting) AND THEY ACCEPTED ME WHICH COOL BUT LIKE A DAY LATER I #HEARD FROM OUR MUTUAL FRIEND THAT THEY SAID ‘yeaa im so happy i got (my name)’ AS IN IN THE BAND. LIKE. HELLO?? HI U THIUGHT ABT ME?? and #during the first band mtg where everyone’s all awk they kept making eye contact w me and asking if i was good and making sure i got to say #smt before anyone made a decision and it. murdered. me. i’m sorry maybe it’s the fanfic writer in me or this shit is literally nothing and #think they’re just nice to everyone but who cares bc it means they’re nice to ME too. and then last week happened. which was like the nail #in the coffin. INTERACTION ACTIVITY. I IMPULSIVELY ASK IF THEY WANNA B GROUPMATES AND THEY SAY YES. THEY ONLY TALK TO ME AND THEIR FRIENDS.#I ACT STUPID. THEY ALUGH AND TOUCH MY SHOULDER. I ASK ABT THEIR CAMERA AND THEY GO ON A LONG-ISH (cute) RANT ABT SMTH. THEY ASK WHY I HAVE #BIG ASS STACK OF POST ITS. WE TALK. THEY LAUGH AT MY JOKES. SUDDENLY. THEY SAY A FULL HELLO IN THE HALLS. THEY WAVE AT ME A DAY LATER. FUCK

5 notes · View notes

star-bvrn · 10 months

Text

Either I stay up until 6am writing 2k words or I write nothing at all.

#I don’t know how to find a healthy in between of quantity and getting enough sleep #I always pick quantity over quality at first #it’s easier for me to just write write write and worry about quality later #I’m hesitant to publish any full length fic #until its fully finished because I always wanna go back and edit #but I am chipping away at something right now and I think it's pretty good

3 notes · View notes

steampoweredskeleton · 10 months

Text

.

Ignore

#delete later #god i wish i was neurotypical #found out my flatmate is going to be away for a few days after they left and bc id had no warning my anxiety spiked so hard #that i had such a wave of nausea i had to lie down #idk why that fucking happened. ridiculous. irs not like it really affects that much. just the thing of my home being changed in any way #without warning freaks me the fuck out. couldnt do any work til id laid under my weighted blanket at lunch #and like obvs this is an entirely me thing. i dont expect my flatmates to tell me every detail of what they're doing #not sure how to keep myself from freaking over it though. will think on it #but yeah. if i was neurotypical id be fine. i also want to play ky video games after work but im akways so exhausted that all i can do #is lie in bed under my weighted blanket. it is so frustrating. im so tired. not helped that pain is fucking me up in new ways #so im also upset aboit that. and that christmas is approaching abd that changes the routine completely #and is always overwhelming #but this year im staying home so i will be able to keep it quiet and low key and it'll be just me so i dont have to think about #masking in any way which is kind of nice as even the vibe of Christmas takes a lot oit of me #i enjoy the thought of it and always hate the day. same as my birthday. fun in theory. incredibly stressful actually #idk whether it's work stressing me oit long term but right now any change to what im expecting from my routine is making me #so so so frustrated and upset #i had to go get meds after work on tiesday and became so upset by it that i was awake until 1am and was super nauseous #not enjoying that as a primary symptom of anxiety rn. i find eating hard enough as it is #the hair washing routine has given ne sone stability this week which was very nice abd made me feel calm. abd mt physio routine #the energy it takes to do it is outweighed by the relief i get when ive done that part of my routine and then go to bed #work is hard. working full time is so hard. im coping but not well. defo think i need to try getting regular therapy sessions if only #to help me plan for what i need to do and work through coping strategies bc im really hitting a wall. i need to problem solve all #these things but im so exhausted that i can't. so they just keep piling up

3 notes · View notes

strwbrymlkshake · 2 years

Text

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

22 notes · View notes

jvzebel-x · 1 year

Text

🦋

#so i got a message from my sister telling me something rather tragic had happened in our family #on my mom's side. one of my aunties passed away&my little sister let me know.#she also let me know that my mother is taking it really hard&shed probably really like to hear from me.#&its weird bc any sadness i felt about my aunty dying almost completely evaporated upon it becoming a way to guilt me #into talking to my mother-- like i was not almost dead for a long LONG time&she was actively disowning me bc i wasnt sick the right way #after a lifetime of refusing to believe i was sick AT ALL which directly lead to developing cancer she screamed at me in public #that i was lying about before pretending to drive off a cliff&then refusing to pick up her phone until she called me an hour later #after i had been calling not just her but anyone in our family who could possibly check on her to tell me that i never loved her #&i wouldnt have cared if she died&it would have been my fault.#so like. i dont really give a fuck if shes taking a death in the family poorly? like i dont actually fucking care that this-- like literally #everything else-- needs to center my mother's bad feelings. i just fucking dont lmao.#&im really fucking pissed off that i now have to feel like shit bc i dont feel like i properly feel bad #about my family member dying bc IT BECAME ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY.#i do not fucking UNDERSTAND.#i cannot even put into words how this all makes me feel lmao. why. literally fucking why.#the cherry on top? my aunty died of gastric issues. you know. the family curse that i def didnt get so i got to work thru it all #while being called a liar. you know the type of illness that almost killed ME. that might STILL kill me.#but yeah my mom is sad so i should call&make sure to hold her hand like i always fucking did lets just forget an entire lifetime #&esp the last five years thatll be totally cool.#a tragedy happened in the family so fuck all MY tragedies actually i guess.

4 notes · View notes

bitchapalooza · 9 months

Text

Thank you Ryan Sinclair from long running scifi bbc show Doctor Who for expressing your difficultly with dyspraxia, without you I never would have heard of dyspraxia, wouldnt have looked into it, and wouldnt have found it explicitly explaining dozens of things in my life that made me feel wrong and stupid and broken.

#idk why im crying rn #ive been looking for the reason why i cant ride a bike #or how it took me until i was 17 to tie my shoes snd still struggle with it sometimes #thanks to the therapy i did as a kid my balance and catching and throwing improved significantly #but i had always been told ‘you just have balance issues youll grow out of it’#i never thought itd have a real word for it #ever since i was 6 when the teacher took away my recess and forced me #to tie my shoelaces without teaching me the entire play time right next to her making me cry #bc she kept saying no when i asked for help bc i couldnt do it i didnt know how indidnt understand #what ppl meant by make bunny ears and put them thru the loop #ever since then i had wondered why i was like this and now i possibly have the reason and word for it 18 yrs later #i cant stop crying #talkies

5 notes · View notes