#it's amazing how far my cis ass can get with people on trans stuff by sounding mildly confused but very well-meaning

[onbearfeet]

Met a new neighbor tonight, started talking about work.

Me: So yeah, I'm trying to work my way toward something more stable, especially because I have a queer nibling in Texas who might need a place to land.

Neighbor: NIBLING?

Me: Yes?

Neighbor: Is that one of your millennial words?

Me: (wondering what age I look rn because "millennial" sometimes means "kid" and it's too dark to see the gray in my hair) Not ... really? It's a gender-neutral term for, like, nieces and nephews. Like sibling, you know? If you have a brother and a sister, then you have siblings?

Neighbor: Yeah, but what's a nibling?

Me: In this case, it's one of my brother's kids. He has four of them.

Neighbor: ???

Me: One of them is ... kinda figuring some stuff out, gender-wise, so I'm using gender-neutral language for them until they ask me to use something different. Just giving them space, you know? They're a kid, they need some time. So: my brother has four kids, and I have three nephews and a nibling. (Decides not to mention bff's kids, whom I have also adopted as niblings.)

Neighbor: That's...

Me: (smiles desperately)

Neighbor: That's really kind of you. I've never even thought of that. That's a really good way to let them figure it out for themselves, you know?

Me: Exactly! It's not like I can figure it out for them, right? So I'm just holding space for however it shakes out.

Neighbor: They're lucky to have you.

Me: I'm trying. That's all I can do, right?

Neighbor: Nibling. That's a GOOD word.

Me: Yeah, I like it.

[gingery-juniper]

PERSONAL BLABBER TIME

-long personal ramble ahead-

I don't really post personal stuff here, but there's no other platform I feel safe sharing. I don't really share a lot personal stuff online anyway, but I'm really excited about this and I'm just dying to get it all out and share my excitement with someone.

Like

Orange-cat zoomies excited.

🐈[nyoom]🐈

I've been afraid to open up and unmask for so long, but this is the one place I feel like I can be open about who I am. I don't care if anyone actually reads it, I just want to vent it out.

I'm about to start taking T (testosterone)!!!

I am AFAB and non-binary, and now trans-masc.

I've always hated the body I was born with since I was a kid, but never quite knew why. I was raised in a very conservative Christian household that strongly condemned anything outside the "norm". I was raised to be a "good submissive wife"

That never sat right with me, even as a religiously brainwashed kid. And now I understand why. Not just the creepy religious aspect (that's a whole 'nother deal), but that I was never supposed to be a woman.

I knew something was different about me ever since middle school, but I didn't have the experience or exposure to know why I felt wrong in my own body. I was a tomboy I guess, but it was more than that. I my autistic ass always hyperfixated on male fictional characters. Everyone always assumed I had a crush on them, but no, I wanted to BE those male characters.

I spent so many years thinking maybe if I was more perfectly feminine I'd be happy, starving myself to be ~pretty~ and accepted by my family and peers. That didn't do shit and just made me deeply and harmfully depressed and more confused.

I spent so many years "believing" gender and sexuality was a strict "good vs evil" thing. Even daring! to think of deviating from being cis or hetero (those terms are evil and "woke" btw /s) was an abomination. Anyone at all queer (definitely used as a slur by them) was going straight to hell.

I feel sick knowing I used to believe that.

Well, I didn't really believe it. It didn't make sense to me, but I was conditioned to think that way (for fear of punishment) so I went along with it. But it didn't make sense and confused me when I started to meet and make LGBTQ friends in high school and at my first job. They were such amazing people. I couldn't figure out how they were possibly "evil".

I'm so angry it took so long for me to finally break out of that brainwashed mindset and start thinking clearly for myself.

10 years later, after a long time away from my parents/family, it's all making sense. The egg has cracked.

I've since found the LGBTQA+ community and have never felt more accepted and understood. This is where I have always belonged and I'm so grateful to have made it this far to realize that.

I was making formal plans to off myself a few years ago (many factors involved), but seeing some of the things people posted here made me realize that I'm not broken and not worthless and helped inspire me to live.

Over the last few years (and yeah honestly tumblr has been an incredible learning and supportive community resource) I have come such a long way in my personal journey. I am learning who I am now.

I had top surgery earlier this year and it's the best decision I've ever made. I've never been happier in my life.

Somehow my family hasn't noticed.

Now I'm going to start T.

My family won't take kindly to this change. They are very homophobic and especially transphobic. But I'm no longer interested in being palatable to keep them comfortable. I am going to be me whether they like it or not.

For the first time in my life, that I can say with confidence, I want to live.

I am asexual.

I am aromantic.

I am non-binary.

I am trans.

I am queer.

[danielletinybruiser]

Two Years of Blue

It's been a bit since I updated here, since I suppose I mainly use my instagram account to talk about jiu jitsu. But hey, I have a few things to mull over, which tends to go better in writing, so here we are. Content warning for weight on this one.

I've been a blue belt for two years! And what a wild two years — I did change up my gym, and then, hey, there was this pandemic that ground the world to a halt (and is still doing so). I was very, very lucky, since I was able to train with Viki pretty much the whole time. We had access to mats, and were able to train, and they taught me a great deal: a lot of gi stuff, a ton of leg locks (I never went for them, or defended them well, until I basically just rolled with them for a year), and so much detail in passing and retaining guard.

Viki is a long, lanky blue belt, and I like to think I taught them a bit too. Maybe. 

But of course, even with rolling during lockdown and tons of other cross-training, it took me awhile — really, a few months — to feel a bit more in the groove with jiu jitsu again. We started going back to limited, vaxxed sessions starting in March, and slowly started going back to the gym normally as everyone else got vaxxed up. I'm finally going 3-4 days per week, consistently. This past week, I think I trained grappling every day aside from Wednesday. It's mid-July, which means it's taken me that whole time to feel like I'm getting there.

I'm also competing again in just under two weeks, which has (as it typically does) lit a little fire under me to get my shit together. Or attempt to!

One thing that did help, certainly, was doing a lot of cardio the whole time, and  focusing on getting that to a good place. All winter I did a lot of running, and yes, here it is... a lot of indoor cycling on a [cough, whisper] peleton. I know this makes me a bougie asshole. I know. But the workouts — on the bike and very much on the treadmill — are actually great. The running workouts with at least two of the coaches are appropriate for actual competitive runners. I've done workouts there that were extremely close to things I did as a competitive XC athlete in college. Back when I was actually fast. Fast-ish. I'm not fast anymore. Not even a tiny bit.

But my running is much improved, and the cycling has been an incredible, incredible base for me. I'm routinely doing longer or more challenging rides on non-BJJ days, and then often a shorter ride (or one of the functional strength routines) on days I roll at the gym. My whole thing with it is doing hard cardio when I'm already tired, so I get very used to pushing through. Endurance has never been my problem, but I know that I get slower physically — and, far worse, *super* discouraged mentally — when I get tired.

Doing this much cycling has had a hilarious and, uh, probably obvious side effect: I actually put on a little bit of muscle. I went into the whole Peleton thing thinking "yeah, I'll do cardio twice a day, and lose that stubborn couple of pounds that make competing at 125 dicey in like a month, easy!" and, HA. No. 

What I did get, though, are leg muscles that don't fatigue as fast. I have much more power and energy than I used to, and, hand-to-heart, I don't think I was in bad shape before. It's just... better now.

That took a couple of weeks to accept, I'll be honest. I felt pretty dumb: of fucking course spending... let's say 8 hours a week doing HIIT or climb rides on a bike would build muscle. I’d gain some weight from that, naturally. But now, I'm honestly thrilled to feel comfortable and much stronger at 135 anyway. 

That's where I was always going to be for grappling industries (where there's a 120 and a 135, nothing in between), and where there are 125 lb classes... it's honestly ok. I have a healthy diet, I stick to it rigorously (with the occasional cheat day, ofc), I do cardio almost every day, and I feel good. Will I be a little shortie in this weight class? Of course! But at least I feel like a stronger little shortie, and that's what counts.

As with all of this, let me be clear, I have no delusions of grandeur. This is an awesome hobby that I'm obsessed with! But I only want to compete to learn and get better and do it all on a pretty comfortable level. I'm probably never going to fuck with the open IBJJF tournaments, or anything like that. Give me a nice submission-only tournament for scrubs like me. (Honestly, I wish everything was just submission only. Forever.)

There are actual, legit athletes who use the baby tournaments for a tune-up, and young folks who may become legit athletes who are learning to compete and deal with pressure, probably just because this is NYC and there are world-class gyms here and all that. This 37-year-old goofy white bitch just wants to get as good as possible, given the obvious constraints. And enjoy myself.

To this end, my friends, coaches, and training partners deserve medals for dealing with me. Berto and Jaime (my friends and coaches) have been patiently leading me towards things I need to work on. Viki will roll with me and give me things I need to do based on our roll, and we'll drill them right then and there. And Caroline has been instrumental in me getting my head at least part of the way out of my ass, just going for things. For months, I was rolling, but just playing defense. Just talking to her about it helped, and now, every time we roll, I have that voice in my head telling me to go for things. It's helping.

I just hope I can keep that in mind in two weeks. I get nervous. Really, really nervous. I've competed... this might be nine times? This will be my third blue belt tournament, anyway, and it'll be the first since... January 2020. My head is usually so far up my ass — especially at first — that I will probably make some dumbass mistakes. But I'm working on accepting that I'll feel like an idiot and to just have fun with it and use it to LEARN and find some new things to work on. Embrace the doofus and enjoy.  

Gym Feelings

I also got very, very excited about my gym yesterday. Right before going to a (fantastic) Women/trans/non-binary folks Judo class taught by a really great woman black belt, I went on about how much I love my gym. How inclusive it is, and how, just *not a toxic MMA culture* place it is. I'm just going to copy a bunch of that thread here, just absolutely gushing about Chop and Chops:

Today, in a couple of hours, I'm going to a women/trans/nonbinary grappling class at my gym, taught by a woman Judo black belt. I'm PUMPED.

It's really important to me that my MMA gym is an inclusive, positive environment for me and for everyone. MMA -- and especially Jiu Jitsu -- does NOT need to be a place dominated by bros with awful politics and horrific tattoos. It can be for anyone to enjoy.

The door to my gym has a trans-inclusive rainbow flag on it. The brothers who run it make sure that all women, trans folks, enbies, and any GNC folks feels especially comfortable and have dependable training partners for each class, especially if they are new.

Here's another thing -- its' an MMA gym, there are plenty of cis dudes! But said dudes are respectful and gracious. I feel safe training with them BECAUSE of the atmosphere and attitude of the place, that's certainly not true everywhere.

One of my favorite training partners rn is a very, very sweet bigger white belt due who wrestled at a high level. If you've done BJJ, "bigger white belt who wrestled" is typically the scariest thing. But he is an absolute gentleman, doesn't just throw his weight around...

he is conscientious and I am learning SO MUCH from rolling with him. Again, in another atmosphere, I might be intimidated. In our gym, people learn to train hard but modulate and always respect their training partners.

I know I'm gushing at this point, lol. But I really can't overstate how much that atmosphere of respect and inclusivity is important and makes a massive difference. I'm a small queer woman, training there simply feels great to me, and that's everything.

That's the thread! I can't say enough good things about this place. It's also honestly a refuge for me, a place where I see my friends (where we all hug very aggressively for a couple hours, then chitchat). I guess it all comes down to this: I'm so, so lucky to be a part of this community. I want everyone in the world to have something they love, and amazing people to support them in it/enjoy it with them.

[khazadspoon]

001: mo dao zu shi, 002: chengyao, 003: zack fair!

HRMMMM

001: 

Favorite character: Lan Xichen and/or Jin Guangyao but for like... opposite reasons

Least Favorite character: Sect Leader Yao and Xue Yang (I am sorry everyone who loves him I just really dont) - ADDITION. I dont care for Wen Chao at all.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): XiYao, 3Zun, Jiang Yanli/Jin Zixuan, ChengYao, Jiang Cheng/Any Semblance of Happiness 

Character I find most attractive: LAN XICHEN. Hands down.

Character I would marry: Lan Xichen. Again. 

Character I would be best friends with: Probably Sizhui because he is so lovely and polite and kind, but it would probably be Yanli. I would be very very down to be friends with Lan Xichen even if he is far above my station in life. 

a random thought:  Does anyone else just really want to see more of Mian Mian being amazing with her husband and kid? Spinoff perhaps? 

An unpopular opinion:  I wasnt moved by the Yi City arc and dont have strong feelings for any of the characters involved in that besides the Juniors. And generally just enjoying Jin Guangyao as a character is unpopular I guess. Also the Wangxian relationship in the novel? Yikes.

My Canon OTP: Since none of my OTPs are canon it has to be Yanli/Zixuan (I like wangxian dont get me wrong but I dont get emotional over them)

My Non-canon OTP: XiYao and all the painful awfulness with that.

Most Badass Character: Jiang Cheng or Wen Ning. 

Most Epic Villain: Does Wei Wuxian count as a villain in his own story? Because he was the scariest at times. Jiggy was awesome but not Epic in that badass way.

Pairing I am not a fan of: XiCheng or the Yi City arc ships.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Wen Ruohan maybe? He did so little and could have been so much cooler and more villainous. 

Favourite Friendship: Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning FOR SURE. 

Character I most identify with: Jiang Cheng for the whole “I am not good enough and need to be angry/cry 24/7″ and Lan Xichen for the “gotta be impartial and not ruffle feathers if it can be helped”. I am an angry peacekeeper. 

Character I wish I could be: Lan Xichen. He is my answer to everything but he is beautiful, intelligent, kind, powerful, Tall and A Cis Man unless someone has kept something from me (my gay little short-ass trans heart beats wildly at him)

002:

When I started shipping them: Very recently when I saw someone displaying Jiang Cheng’s desires in a woman and them fitting Jiggy almost to a T. It just descended into madness from there.

My thoughts: It is just Pain as everything in Jiang Cheng’s life is, but given the chance it might have been pretty good, y’know? I mean... co-parenting, trauma sharing, clashing personalities that could balance out, the whole shebang is there. Also powerplay.

What makes me happy about them: THE ANGST. And the way you can just play on the unrequited feelings from other side characters. If things had been Less Terrible and if Jiggy had Not Been an Ultimate Shitlord there could have been some great stuff there.

What makes me sad about them: THE ANGST. The awful betrayal. The fact its obviously not gonna work out when there is Lan Xichen being the one person JGY didnt think about (directly) hurting. Jiang Cheng didn’t really stand a chance.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: There is very little so idk, the fact that there isnt more and I cant write more.

Things I look for in fanfic: TOUCH STARVED CLINGING. UNREQUITED SIDE PAIRING. Bonding with each other over Jin Ling. Also top-Jiggy stretching his mean muscles a little. 

My wishlist: More fic. The stuff above. A completely different canon where nothing terrible happens so it can all be fine??? No war crimes and betrayal please???

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: For JGY it is easy, Lan Xichen and/or Nie Mingjue (if there isnt all the war crimes and betrayal of course) but with Jiang Cheng I am really not sure. Forever alone. 

My happily ever after for them: There isn’t one HAHA. But maybe they bond over being uncles (Yanli lives au solves everything), get close, help each other with parental issues, and work on their repression of feelings and develop healthy relationships with themselves instead of the messes they are.

003

How I feel about this character: I love him and I was devastated when he died in canon... and thrilled at the prospect of him just being back again.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Aerith, Sepiroth, Cloud. Maybe Reno.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: I liked his interactions with Angeal and the Turks in Crisis Core...

My unpopular opinion about this character: He is better than Cloud to me as a protagonist. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Besides having lived??????? Just having lived would be enough.

Favorite friendship for this character: He had a great friendship with Aerith even before the romance so that.

My crossover ship: I dont have one........yet. Give me time. 

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 10

‘less weird hairs,’ pics of me, real life questions, seasons thoughts, kpop stuff, ‘are you a boy’ erhdfnv, tutorial questions, edits, ‘safe’ cc, and umm yeah never go camping in the actual woods ok

Anonymous said: Can you do Less weird hair? I Like how good Mesh You make but all styles look Really Weird I never Would use them. I just want Usual hair? Thanks you            

Firstly, thank you for the meshing compliment, but tbh I think I make pretty simple hair styles? Like I don’t do many crazy things especially recently? Idk, I hope you like some of my hairs and can find something that fits in your liking :/

Anonymous said: Hi I really love you content and I was wondering if you’d ever do a “goddess locs” hairstyle?            

Ok I am gonna be super straight forward about this, making hairstyles like this is really challenging for me. I have tried a ton of times and I just can’t get the meshes to work out the way I like. UV mapping is a pain in the ass, making the hairline match well, and making sure none of the mesh strands are broken is next to impossible for me. Most creators that make hairstyles like this do them from scratch or spend a long time working on them for them to look right. I’m not saying ‘no’ because I am going to try to play around with some seasons meshes (I have hair ideas) but no promises :(

Anonymous said: BLACKPINK COMEBACK

i know omg jennie snapped, I wasn’t planning on buying the physical album but I ended up caving in and getting the pink versions ;-; I hope I get Jennie or Lisa photocards

Anonymous said: i know your theme is by gukthemes, but what is it called?            

PAPILLON by GUKTHEMES

Anonymous said: Are you ever gonna do a face reveal?

I have posted a pic of myself before in one of these ask posts, here are three more from the past few months :P

Anonymous said: Fav kpop group(s)???            

1). LOONA (bias Kim Lip) 2). BLACKPINK (bias Jennie) 3). RED VELVET (bias Joy) 4). CLC (bias Yeeun) 5). DREAMCATCHER (idk their names but the rapper)

Anonymous said: You play pokemon go still?

Yes! I collected cards/figures growing up and watched the show before school every morning. I’m not a ‘game’ fan but the mobile app is fun. Actually I played the Wii U Pokemon tournament game but it was boring so :/

Anonymous said: are you going to buy seasons? do you think it is worth it?

I got it from CDkeys for $25 lmao, so yes :P I can’t run the live mode so I kind of am just getting it for the new CAS assets :/ but I think the pack looks really good. Everyone always says ‘it looks like the best EP so far’ every time something new comes out so I’m not gonna say that but we will see :D

Anonymous said: whats ur skin blend called?            

Fruitpunch! You can get it here

Anonymous said: when are you going to be done camping?

I am back home now lmao I assume you sent this when I posted about not having service there :P but I was camping for 3 days? I know it was 2 nights at least refdbv also omg some camping stories:

► I didn’t have my voice for the entire trip bc I got sick with laryngitis, and now koby (the guy i shared a tent with) has it too erfdbvc

► It was blazing hot like omg I was dying, there werent showers, bathrooms, anything with AC. The tents were boiling hot, the ground fucking hurt, and it was just hell ok this isnt even a story I just need to complain.

► There was a racoon family outside the tents the first night, and we thought it was a bear bc we were literally in the middle of the woods, like it wasn’t a campsite with other people, it was the forest ;-; anyways we were legit so freaked out and up for 2 hours just listening to them walk around the tents and god it was so scary rfbdv

► As I said, I had no service so I missed the larvitar community day in pokemon go -_-

► I suck at cornhole so I was the cheer leader for a team UwU

► A deer jumped out right in front of the fucking car like RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT omg we were so close to hitting it like... it was fucking scary

► We went walking on a trail that was down a mountain and once we got down we discovered that the chairlift up was CLOSED so we had to walk back up and it was a nightmare bc we had all just drove like 30 minutes to shower in crappy no pressure no heat showers and we were all sweaty again by the time we got back to the top ;-;

dont go camping

Anonymous said: Your last edit creeps me out.

LMAO why? It isnt meant to be sexual or scary?  

@achinghearts88 said: I really love Sims 4 cc but I constantly struggle with finding safe sites and have accidentally downloaded a virus trying to get cc before so I'm kinda frightened now. What advice do you have for getting safe cc? Thanks!

Hello! I use an adfly skipper + adblock, and if both of those don’t work then I just don’t download the cc. For some creators (nolan-sims, simduction, isjao, ivo-sims, and others) I will turn them off because I know these creators aren’t ones that use the sketchy adfly stuff, but for others that I don’t know well I leave it on. I use: U Block origin and adfly skipper (both on firefox)

Anonymous said: I couldn't find a "contact me" thing but your AHarris00Britney has a broken mesh I think.            

??? idk what this means im sorry ;-; what hair are you referring to?

Anonymous said: an amazing creator and a loona fan???? i stan            

My mind... your mind... our mind..

@chocooosims said: hey, I love your cc, you are such a good creator! :) I'm not sure if someone already ask you that, but have you ever considered making a tutorial where you show us how you create maxis match hair? I mean, I know that I can already find on Internet  tutorials about frankenmeshing hair. But the thing is that you are one of the only creator who do more than simply merge 2 EA's hair together. So, I would really love to see a tutorial of how you are creating your cc! :) Thx for your time!! 

I am making a BIG tutorial right now of me making a hair from start-finish and it is around 3 hours not speed up. My guardian angel is going to edit it for me tonight and then I will try to have it posted next week sometime

Anonymous said: what university are you going to?

Radford :D it is in Virginia

Anonymous said: Just wanted to let you know you're a king           

thank you lmao I wish it were true, stan loona or be beheaded

Anonymous said: r u a guy or girl or non binary etc. also are you lgbtq+ at all? not to judge, just wondering :)

uuh, I’m a gay guy lmao idk about all the other terms like cis/bianary ;-; i like the anatomy exclusive to the male body

edit: rip so someone messaged me asking what I meant by “anatomy exclusive to the male body” and I was like ?? bc I meant i like d**k, and i explained that i didn't like using cuss words on my blog bc my account got shut down/deleted/reported last year and was completely gone for two days while I emailed my butt off to get it back. Also, I was trying to be funny by sounding proper and using big terms like anatomy/exclusive instead of just saying “i like penis” bc that just isnt as fun to say imo. My anatomy teacher never used words like v*gina/p*nis and would say stuff like that, and I always found it funny and I guess that was another reason I worded it that way. Anyways if you think I was being transphobic, I apologize. I hope you don’t think that I am transphobic bc of that? If you want to message me and talk to me about how I can word stuff better then I am around 24/7 mostly, but I’m not going to fight with anyone who is just looking to argue because that is childish. I am sorry to those that got offended but I got one message about this so if something like this happens, message me like this person and ask what I meant so that it isn’t blown out of proportion. Again, I did not think that it would be taken that way and I am sorry if you felt that I was making fun of a trans person. <3

Anonymous said: What do you see in the corner of your room when you get sleep paralysis  (;            

James Charles with breasts on the beach and im not sharing this photo anymore it is demonic OK

Anonymous said: hi! i installed your non-default eye recolors but i'm having a glitch with them. my female sims lose their face in cas and it's just like an empty spot where the face should be. i have the default eyes installed too so i know it's not an issue with a missing mesh but i'm not sure how to fix it.            

Hello!! I don’t think this is my eyes because I’m not experiencing this glitch? Did you run a S4S batch fix over everything? I think that causes this glitch sometimes but I am unsure. Try repairing your game and if you have the “no EA eyelash” mod then redownload that and replace the old file.

@sephirajo said: I found your sims 4 mods and I love the hairs! They're so amazing and pretty.            

thank you so much!

Anonymous said: In your collab with wildpixel, I F**KING love the Ivy hair; do you have any recolours of it or any of the other hairs in the collab?

all the hairs in that pack are recolored in the anathema and sacharinne palette :) and I reblog all recolors of my cc over on @aharris00britneyrecolors

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 33

33: Jagged Little Tapestry

Written by:  Brad Falchuk Directed by: Paul McCrane

Overall Thoughts: Season six keeping it going with another tight episode. Obviously, the best part is the Brittana of it all, but there’s actually a lot going for this episode, and not that much that isn’t going for it. A winning combination!

What I Like:

I really appreciate that they managed to bring in a new set of characters without having them completely take over the show. It is more obvious here than with the season 4 newbies that the main reason these characters are here is to support the stories of the main characters. I much prefer it.

Everyone nonsensically still being in Lima even though they all have school and jobs and shit. Glee is so ridiculous, I love it. Especially when it calls itself out.

Speaking of that, I fucking love how the new students are sort of the only sane people to ever walk into McKinley, and often call out the stuff that the original glee clubbers do that in other seasons would just get swept under the rug.

Listen I will fucking fight anybody, Blaine and Dave are a cute ass couple.

Going off of that, we see so much character development in Karofsky in the one scene he actually has lines in. I mean, can you imagine s1 or even s2 or s3 Karofsky ever being comfortable walking around Lima with his arm around his boyfriend, looking for sheet music, joking about Broadway? GOD.

Both Blaine and Karofsky’s faces when Brittany says that when she pictured them having sex she saw a u-haul mounting a moped. They’re both like “eh yeah that’s pretty much it” I die.

I love the implication that Kurt is once again fantasizing about Blaine fantasizing about him. But, I also love the idea of Kurt and Blaine actually having the same fantasy simultaneously. Basically, regardless of what that scene is supposed to be, I love it.

Kurt and Rachel’s disaster first lesson.

Everything about the Brittana plot. From the scene in Brittany’s room, to their mash-up, to the proposal, to both Brittany and Santana standing up for their love, to that moment in the end when Santana walks into the auditorium and Brittany automatically stands up and goes to her like she’s fucking magnetized I love ALL OF IT OKAY I LOVE BRITTANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Major unpopular opinion alert, but I find Santana’s rant against Kurt to be fucking hilarious.

Kurt reminiscing about his relationship with Blaine when Jane and Mason are singing. For once they took a song sung by a straight couple and made it about a gay couple instead of the other way around!

I have mixed feelings about the Becky story. But the positive is the fact that Glee actually took the time to address how sometimes, even in our “concern”, we can be bigoted. Sue is one of the least ableist people (at least to down syndrome people, she is pretty ableist towards Artie), and yet here she is, essentially saying that Becky should not be allowed to live a normal life because of her disability. I really appreciate that they did this story, if anything just for that. The scene where Darrell tells everyone off in Sue’s office is pretty epic.

I also have mixed feelings about Beiste’s storyline this season, but I am glad that they included another a trans story.

What I Don’t Like:

Becky once again doesn’t seem to have too much agency in her own story, which often happens with her. Darrell’s tell-off is epic, but it would have been nice if Becky could have had a bit of that. Have them hear it from the horse’s mouth “What is so weird about me having sex with my boyfriend?” and force them to answer that. I still would put this story more in the positive than the negative section, but honestly, it is a little frustrating how Becky always seems to lose her agency in stories that are about her.

Here’s my thing about the Beiste storyline. First of all, as much as they tried to back-track it in this episode and make it like this has been a struggle he’s had all his life, they made a huge deal in earlier seasons of Beiste being a masculine-presenting girly-girl. I loved that. Not that I don’t like that he’s trans, but bare with me. They had a trans character on this show, one whose story we’d deeply invested in. And yet, when it came time to do a Big Trans Story, they shunted their established trans character off to the side, and replaced her with someone who had no build-up to that story. And, I’m sorry, I’m going there, I think it’s really fucking shitty that they decided to give a story that should have gone to a black trans woman to a white trans man instead. This is not to say that I don’t like the fact that they made Beiste trans. I actually think it would have worked a lot better if instead of deciding to randomly give Beiste the transitioning story they’d been building up for Unique, they had kept Unique around, had her go through this story, and during the process revealed that Beiste has actually been a trans woman all along, and have two trans women stand together. I get that having a cis woman playing a trans woman would have been dicey, but like, no more than having a cis woman play a trans man. Basically what I’m trying to say is that they pulled this story out of their asses and majorly rushed it when they could have given the story to the character they had built it up for, and still revealed that an established character was trans.

Songs:

It’s Too Late: Not my usual style, but because it’s Klaine I can get into it. Plus, the scene is really cool.

Hand in My Pocket/I Feel the Earth Move: I really enjoy this one, and not just because it’s the Brittana proposal duet!

Will You Love Me Tomorrow/Head Over Feet: I like this one a lot, but I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I ever would have realized I liked it if it weren’t for the Klaine montage while they sing it.

So Far Away: Quinn and Tina sound amazing together, but again, it’s not really my style.

You Learn/You’ve Got a Friend: Another one that isn’t really my style, and so I have never really gotten into outside of the context of the episode.

Final Thoughts: I find this to be a really good, really tight episode. There’s things I don’t like, and they’re significant, but I think the positives far outweigh the negatives (especially with the Beiste one where, at the end of the day, I’d still much rather they give Beiste a trans storyline then just remove Unique from the show with no trans story to come in her place). Overall, I still really enjoy it, and often find myself rewatching it just because.

[commodorecliche]

hey babe!! I just have a little q for u. Do you have any advice for writing porn/mature scenes into stories? I struggle with this more than anything, and end up making the rest of my piece really awkward trying to write my way around it instead of writing it. Any advice? Sending via ask bc maybe someone else will benefit from my question too.

Woo! I’m finally getting to answer this ask - I’ve been out and about with the fam today. And it was just… not an opportune time to talk about writing about people doin’ the do. But I’m home now and can actually answer this. 

I’m going to put this below a cut, because obviously this is long and NSFW (duh). R18+ below the cut. You’ve been warned! 

Okay so smut can be understandably very difficult to write. From my experience with reading smut, I’ve noticed that the biggest and most glaring issue is that people don’t know how to make it realistic. And ‘realistic’ can refer to a lot of different things: it could be because something is anatomically impossible, it could be because they are over-exaggerating the feelings/sensations descriptions to the point where they are over the top, it could be because the writer is inexperienced and doesn’t know what certain sexual acts entail, it could be because they keep calling a character’s penis their Love Hammer. Staying realistic is accomplished via simplicity: like having the tone of your smut stay in line with the tone of your piece, or maintaining your characters emotional states throughout the sexual experience. But all in all, it’s pretty easy to tell when smut is bad: bad smut just doesn’t feel realistic.

A lot of people’s go-to advice when asked about writing smut is to tell people to go watch porn in order to learn about sex better - but I actually disagree with that tip. I don’t disagree with it from any moral stance or personal preference, either. I like porn. But of course, some porn has it’s moral, feminist, and ethical issues - but those are things that are best left to another post. Porn can certainly been enjoyable and sometimes even helpful. But the reason I would tell most people to just skip trying to learn about smut from porn is because most porn nowadays is astoundingly unrealistic. It’s not made to be informative about sex or how sex works/feels - it’s made to be entertaining to a viewer. And for many people it is. But it isn’t realistic, and a lot of stuff that happens in porn just does not translate well to the page.

If you are curious and feel that something visual would help you get a better understanding of sex, then I would recommend looking up lower budget/amateur level porn. It typically is more realistic as far as the experience of both partners goes.

But aside from that, something that will really help you better understand writing smut?: go read smut. Go find smut that you LIKE. Read a bunch of smut.  Take notes about it. Find smut that sounds AWFUL to you. Find smut that sounds AMAZING to you. Find smut that turns you on. If it turns you on, or makes you feel emotional, then odds are it’s good smut. Naturally, everyone has their preferences as to what they like in smut, but it’s pretty easy to spot bad smut. (I’ll get to that a bit later)

Okay, Lindsey, so how do I understand smut better to WRITE it?

1) Understand the tone of your piece.Tone: The tone of your fic as a whole needs to match the tone of your smut. For example, if you are writing a fic that is heavily emotional, where the focus is mostly on their first time together, or on their emotions/feelings, then suddenly tossing in a nasty, kinky, graphic sex session to top it all off is going to ultimately feel out of place tonally. (That isn’t to say that situation CAN’T be executed well, but it takes skill. But if you’ve got a fic where characters are… learning about their feelings for each other, waxing poetic about how much they mean to each other, being sappy and emotional together, and then toss in a “OH, FIST ME DADDY” scene, it’s gunna feel… off.)

2) Understand the characters you’re writing.Characters: Understand the characters you’re working with. Whether these are your own characters or someone else’s characters (fanfic), you need to examine the personalities that have been crafted for them. Are they a character who would become deeply emotionally involved with someone? Are they a character who is emotional, but also very physical? Are they a character who is reserved/shy sexually? How experienced are they in bed? If they are experienced, then what kind of experiences have they had before? Etc. Because your understanding of a character is how you are going to want to portray them in bed. If they are a shy, inexperienced virgin, guess what? They probably won’t be rushing to swallow a cock. And they sure as heck aren’t gunna be taking a dick the size of a baseball bat up their tush immediately.  Build up to it, make the smut work with their characterizations. 

3) Understand the nature of the relationship you’re writing.Nature of the relationship: This goes along with the previous point, but what kind of relationship do these two characters have? If they are getting together for the first time, have they been friends since they were kids and are deeply emotionally invested in each other? Is this a casual hookup? Are they in love? Have they had sex before and are just now realizing they want to have something more serious together? Have they been in a long term relationship for years and are intimately familiar with each other? Are they sexual strangers? Is this a case of “love/lust at first sight”? Is this relationship meant to last? Etc.

4) Understand what kind of sexual encounter you’re writing.Nature of the sexual encounter: What kind of encounter is this? Are these two characters in a relationship and unable to contain their desire for each other? Are they having a sordid quickie in the bathroom at a party? Are they having soft, slow, meaningful sex together in the quiet of a bedroom? Is this the first time they’ve ever met? First time they’ve slept together even if they already know each other? Are they nervous? Are they desperate and hungry for each other and frantic to have each other? You can make any of these work with any kind of relationship, btw:

“These characters meant for this to be a casual hookup, but they accidentally got a little too emotionally invested".“These two characters have been together for years, they adore each other, and they love to experiment with each other sexually, so sure honey, get that fist up in there.“ “These characters have been pining over each other and are finally getting together.” etc. 

You can have a lot of fun with smut, you just have to figure out what kind of smut you’re wanting to portray. And a lot of that is going to depend on the points above.

Okay, Lindsey, that’s super. I’ve got a grasp of all that stuff, but it still feels clunky! What would making actually WRITING the smut easier?

1) Learn. Anatomy. And learn about sexual acts. Don’t be afraid to look up blowjob tips or look up guides on how to rim/eat out/finger somebody effectively. Go read people’s personal accounts of sexual experiences. Go read comments where people talk about what they like in bed. It’s super helpful.

2) For the love of god, avoid as many ridiculous euphemisms as you can. Think of sex in a much more grounded sense - don’t think of it in metaphorical terms. Some subsitution words are okay, obviously. A penis can be a dick or cock, sometimes even a member, but even that sounds a bit ridiculous sometimes. A hole can be an entrance, a rim, etc… But for the love of god, avoid nonsensical euphemisms. I have seen smut that legitimately, without any hint of irony, called a penis a “meatstick”. Meatstick is not sexy. If you were in bed with someone, and they said “Oh yeah, baby, you like my meatstick?”, you would laugh your ass right off that bed. You would laugh your ass all the way back to your house after you left that moron naked and alone in their bed. Nobody is in bed and thinks to themselves “god this meathammer sure is just the bees-knees”. Sex is sexy! You don’t need to dress it up with ridiculous euphemisms. You don’t need to call a dick a meathammer to make it sexier. Call a dick a dick. Call a pussy a pussy. Call a clit a clit. Call an asshole a hole.  

(**Note: I am speaking from a cis perspective about this. Writing trans characters in sexual situations is something that I feel a trans individual should advise, rather than me. I do not feel it would be right for me to try to offer advice about how one should or should not refer to sexual organs when it comes to a trans or nonbinary perspective, as that is not a perspective that I have experienced. (This is especially important I think regarding body dysphoria; I want trans individuals to have THEIR say about what is or isn’t appropriate as far as genital descriptions. And this may come down to personal preference, like a lot of smut.)  If any trans individuals would like to weigh in on this or offer advice, please feel free to comment! But… I still stand by my assertion that you should never in a million years call a penis a meathammer.**)

3) Don’t forget that sex can range from strictly physical, to strictly emotional, to a mixture of both. And depending on the tone you want to set, you should pick what kind of range you’re working with. If it’s more physical than emotional, try to focus on the physical aspects of it - what are they physical sensations? If it is more emotional, then show how the character is feeling as the actions take place. Most of the time, you’ll be working with a mix of physicality and emotionality. And even strictly physical sex can have emotional sensations (happiness, euphoria, frustration, etc…) Tell us the actions that are happening, of course, but don’t forget to show us how the characters feel about them too.

4) Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Even if this is a one night stand, foreplay is a must. Jumping straight into the sex can be wholly unsatisfying for both parties. Let them kiss - let them bite each others’ necks. Let them suck hickies into each others’ skin. Let them touch, let them tease. Nibble ears, play with nipples, dig fingers into hipbones, grind pelvises against thighs in desperation. Let them be hungry for each other. Like someone once told me: If this sexual encounter isn’t a “hit-it-and-quit-it” situation, don’t treat it like one.

5) Avoid too much dialogue - especially lengthy dialogue. Once sex starts happening, your characters likely won’t be having lengthy conversations about the meaning of life, ya know? Dialogue can certainly happen, but it’s not like a normal conversation. It’s breathy, it’s strained, it’s needy, it’s curt. It’s filled with moans and whimpers and uneven breaths. 

If it’s desperate/quick/needy sex, keep your speech curt and to the point: “Yes”, “God, fuck”, “Please”, “You like that?”, “More”. If it’s more relaxed/emotional sex, your speech can be a little lengthier, but not by much: “You’re so beautiful”, “God, I love you”, “I’ve missed you so much”, “Tell me you love me”, “Please, I want you”, “It’s okay”, “Kiss me”, “God, you feel so fucking good” (PS, don’t be afraid to let them swear).

6) Focus on the big picture - don’t just focus on the actions, or even just the emotions. What sounds are they making? How are they breathing? Are they nervous and whimpery? Are they aggressively desperate and growling with need? Do they moan? Is it hot in the room? Are they above the covers? Under them? Do they hiss when they’re touched? Are they breathless? Do they bite and kiss and lick? Do they rake nails down each others’ backs? Give us a whole picture. (And as with any writing: SHOW DON’T TELL. Don’t say “He breathed rapidly”, say “He panted” instead.) Paint us a picture, give us a scene to visualize.

7) Think about what YOU enjoy. Seriously. If you’re ever in doubt about whether or not something sounds sexy, or if it would feel good or not, think about your own sexual experiences and about what you like. Whether you’ve been with a partner or just on your own, or even just remembering your own fantasies. You likely understand sex and sexual sensations more than you think you do. If you ever are unsure, think of your own feelings, your own emotions, and your own sensations. It can really help.

Got any examples, Lindsey?

Making smut sound realistic takes some skill, but of course, like with any skill it just takes practice. The more you write it, the easier and more natural it will be. And the better you understand sex (whether from experience, observation, reading, etc…), the more easily you’ll write sex. Below, are two examples: one is an example of “do” (using a snippet from one of my own works, hopefully that isn’t too... idk, pretentious? it’s what i had on hand lol) and an example of “don’t” (using a notoriously bad, published erotica scene).

Do:

Shiro presses down into him, body rolling against his - fluid and pliant and wanting, going wherever Keith would have him go. He only moves away when Keith ushers him to do so. Nimble, determined fingers push at the waistband of Shiro’s pants, urging them down as best he can. Shiro understands - he’d have to be a fool not to - and he leans up, ridding himself of his pants and briefs as Keith unbuckles his own and does the same.

They’re naked now and Keith’s body feels the same as it always has. Shiro finds comfort in the familiarity. He eases between Keith’s legs once more, folding himself down close, his elbows resting at either side of Keith’s head. He cages him, encases him, guards him off from the world, lowering his mouth to Keith’s with a gentle roll of his hips.(from my fic, “Coherence”, there is more smut in there if you want to see more of how I write it, this is just a little snippet)

(for the love of god) Don’t:

He came again so hard that his dick wrenched out of her hand and a shot of it hit him straight in the eye and stung like nothing he’d ever had in there, and he yelled with the pain, but the yell could have been anything, and as she grabbed at his dick, which was leaping around like a shower dropped in an empty bath, she scratched his back deeply with the nails of both hands and he shot three more times, in thick stripes on her chest. Like Zorro.(from “Winkler” by Giles Coren)

Takeaways: 

- Don’t be afraid to research- Don’t be afraid to talk about how things feel- Don’t be afraid to talk about what things/characters are doing- Don’t be afraid to emulate your own experiences- Don’t be afraid to show the physicality of it- Don’t be afraid to show the emotional aspects of it- Stay grounded, stay realistic

So yeah, that got a lot longer than I meant for it to be, but I hope that this was at least somewhat helpful! If any of y'all have any specific questions/concerns that I didn’t address here, please feel free to reply/message/inbox me and I’ll do my best to answer!

Thanks for taking the time to read this monster-length wall of text, too… I hope it helps!!