#it's just not so isolated for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inniave · 17 days

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every once in awhile i have a flashback so bad it triggers a seizure & nobody really knows why

#i am so fucking tired #and so fucking done #i would rather die than go in tomorrow but that's not an option anymore so fuck #the flashbacks have been constant for as long as i can remember but it's been awhile since they've been at this intensity for this long #i used to think i didn't have ptsd because i didn't have flashbacks until i learned that always feeling like it's happening again is indeed #a flashback #it's just not so isolated for me #so i'm like??? i should be able to deal with this. i'm used to it. pretty much every second of every day my body feels like i'm being #raped and tortured and beat and literally getting drilled in the bone i should be used to this #but it's so much it's so heavy there's no way out i cant do it #but i have to there's no other option except not get surgery which is not really an option :/#cause the pain from the bone is right where their cocks were 🙃 so that's been it's own special form of hell #and now i have to let someone cut me open there 🙃 and i cant be under general anesthesia 🙃#oh yeah and ITS EXAFTLY FUCKING LIKE THAT DOCTOR THAT ASSAULTED ME WHEN I WAS A FUCKING TODDLER COMING OUT OF SURGERY #fuck dude #sometimes i think maybe if it only happened once i'd be okay #ive lost track but i think we're up in triple digits at this point :/#not including the constant stuff in childhood #fuck no wonder i kept trying to kill myself jesus fucking christ #i'm so fucking scared #i'm so ready for all this to be over #it's been years of pain and this whole last month where it's become much more acute and all this visits and i cant take any more #we are at Capacity #we're splitting like hell already #fucking entire new subsystems fuck #fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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mausolealdrift · 7 months

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its baffling seeing people on here being all shocked about how other ppl didnt have sex or do drugs or drink or go to parties etc etc in high schools like. sorry i was too busy getting bullied to do all of that stuff i guess. why are you surprised that there’s losers on the cringe loser website

#like yeah i WISHED i could do that sort of stuff #but i felt so completely isolated from everyone else at my school bc ppl were so nasty to me #its fine cos im doing all the stuff i missed out on now that im in university #but some ppl dont even get that chance #maybe its not that serious but. idk. just dont be a dick #but also ppl who didnt do that stuff acting like theyre better than ppl who did is fucking annoying and also a dick move. btw #📼

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potassiumprincess · 1 month

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i think marinette is worse at resting when she's sick but adrien is worse at sitting things out if he's injured. i have no explanation, these are just the vibes

#ml #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #okay i lied i do have justifications #adrien probably just. would love being taken care of if he's sick #it's maybe something his mom used to do but not ENOUGH #and marinette would absolutely spoil him #but marinette is all I AM FINE IT IS JUST A COLD I AM FINE meanwhile she nearly falls off a rooftop in a dizzy spell #but adrien hate being kept away from ppl he loves. hates not being able to protect them. and an injury is more long-term and isolating #meanwhile...idk marinette feels to me like an injurt would leave her more defeated. she'd feel like she failed somehow #like she is SUPPOSED to be ladybug she is SUPPOSED to keep herself together to keep the city safe #so i think that would take a lot of her energy she'd be frustrated about it yes but also sort of...admit defeat #adrien would find ways to cheer her up though 🥺

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catsauceeartofficial · 2 months

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Accepting isolation, craving belonging

#art #digital art #comic #long post #this is kind of vent?#I don't want to be all I had a rough childhood wahh #I just find it bizarre to have so many little aspects of my childhood shape me #I crave isolation #I thrive in isolation #But I want to belong #I want to intimately know someone #and I want someone to intimately know me #This is to all the people who have loved me #even if we dont talk anymore #i love you and have loved you and i want nothing but for you to be happy #original post

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tea-cat-arts · 3 days

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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #the fact that people think scum villain #-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me #especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater #heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series #he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters #(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters #like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx #I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes #side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me #i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation #but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years #like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain #the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too #+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu #as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people #another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does #also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be #he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students #and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing #+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this #but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy

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redonionlover · 2 months

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sunstone..? perhaps???

anon ur so real for this... they're my faves since i first played rw

havent drawn them in a loong time though so i doodled these real quick :^)

#rain world #five pebbles #seven red suns #rw sunstone #my art #also to clarify because im annoying and love overexplaining things ☝️🤓#the quote on the second pic is supposed to summarize their feelings towards the great task #and each other too of course #in that theyre kinda right to feel isolated because a lot of other iterators dont talk about this feeling of pointlessness #but theyre still being a tad pretentious here #just because people dont talk about their struggles doesnt mean theyre not struggling!#suns does understand this to a degree #but still #so much of their dialogue reads like a “you're the only one who gets me” kinda thing #okay ill stop rambling #ill never get over these two

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kingofpeacows · 10 months

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A lot of the time when people bring up Bart Allen as being super autistic coded, they're bringing it up in conjuction with the rest of YJ (which, yes, I love autistic friendship) but sometimes I just wanna talk about Bart Allen.

I wanna talk about the kid who doesn't understand he's getting bullied and managed to be friends with everyone because of it. I wanna talk about the kid who is so bad at holding a conversation everyone thinks he's some sort of brooding asshole. I wanna talk about the kid who KNOWS that the older, more popular kids talk to him and dare him to do stupid stuff because "of course Bart will do it" and does it anyway because he likes making people laugh. I wanna talk about the kid who knows he's doing something wrong socially but he doesn't know what and wants nothing more than to fix it. I wanna talk about the kid who knows he's different but still thinks the rest of the world is the problem. I wanna talk about the kid who's so smart and so brave but everyone only sees him as some mess-up idiot. I wanna talk about the emotional kid who got bullied for being robotic and unemotional because allistic people can't grasp what his world looks like. I wanna talk about the kid who wouldn't know sarcasm from truth. I wanna talk about the kid who's low-empathy but does everything he can to be compassionate. I wanna talk about the kid who's surrounded by people, but still feels so alone because no one else understands his world.

Sometimes I just wanna talk about Bart Allen.

#yes the rest of yj can be autistic but that doesnt erase the isolating feeling of autism #its a spectrum disorder for a reason #bart allen #dc #dc comics #dceu #headcanon #autistic headcanon #autistic coded #bart allen impulse #impulse #yj98 #young justice #young justice comics #young just us #hes so autistic #hes so important to me #read mark waids impulse and everything he does is so linked to the autistic experience #need people to be real bart fans and not just yj show fans or know him through other media /lh

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inkskinned · 1 year

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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal #edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

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hel1anthus-annuus · 7 months

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Love this bitch for having multiple gender filters on. He’s transmasc, he’s a woman who’s a man, she’s nothing at all

#i love the idea of writing mizu as effectively nonbinary because of the constant isolation and alienation she feels #identifying with womanhood in a sort of secondary manner— a samurai first and a woman second #explores womanhood through mizu lol #no matter what. shes trans in some way #though i hesitate applying that label #if only because i dont think mizu would identify as trans in any instance; i’m sure mizu thinks he just IS #stuck between womanhood (something she doesn’t really care about) and manhood (a mask for her to put on to fulfill his goals)#and yet transmasc interpretations of mizu UTTERLY FASCINATE ME #AUGH! woman who is a man (this is both a transmasc and nonbinary filter)#thinking back to mizu binding. i wonder how he felt #that scene can have so many gender filters #pain— applicable to both a woman binding to avoid misogyny and a trans man binding to avoid misogyny and dysphoria #i think no matter how you see mizu; he’s dysphoric in that scene #i could go on #blue eye samurai

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normal-about-charcters · 11 months

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These two pages work amazingly to show just how unfulfilling a "normal" life can be, as well as showing just how little either of them really know of whats "normal"

#manga #csm #chainsaw man #csm spoilers #chainsaw man manga spoilers #chainsaw man manga #csm manga #chainsaw man spoilers #csm manga spoilers #I think part of what makes it work so well for me is the fact that this still isnt normal #theyre trying to be normal by skipping class and going to a movie but the circumstances in which its happening is fundamentally abnormal #an empty movie theatre with a devil corpse #it works amazingly to show just how impossible it is for either of them to truly be normal #also the last panel is really a well designed 'isolated in a crowd' image

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months

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best BEAST!!

#fanart #Xuanwu #in case it does not show credits: Thank you to Minilisko #And a huge thank you for letting me post this to The Blog <3 #The best is real! The details and edits are so on point! What a marvelous creature!!!#There is an innocence to the beast...A porcupine dilemma of being unable to be close without hurting others.#The knife is protection and the knife is isolation. Safety over companionship...#It was just sleeping in cave when the cultivator's showed up. It woke up to arrows and swords!#Did it mean to harm anyone or did it just react to the world around it?#(speaking of the actual beast in mdzs now:) There was a tunnel to leave the cave and it stayed.#Do you ever wonder if the beast found it's way inside but grew to big to leave? If it entered to be safe but ended up trapped?#This is all to say: Hey Madam Lan I think I have a new friend for you. She understands your plight.#Forfeit your worries to the turtle. Let the turtle bring you joy

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felsicveins · 4 months

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Alrighty, another ex revealed! Meet Barley! I demanded that @persistenttenderness conjure up a bf for John Dory and this is who they came up with ❤️ 🐎

#ill reblog with added details later #have to consult #trolls #trolls 3 #trolls band together #trolls jd #jd trolls #john dory #john dory trolls #trolls john dory #brozone #man .. it really is just him huh #like okay i dont think its likely he spent all 20 years in isolation so maybe .. he was wandering across lonesome flats #and maybe there was a cowboy herding some of those wack buffalo #and maybe they got to chatting #the full story will come later ; )#dw trolls #dreamworks trolls #concept and story by lilith design by me

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mcaxolotl · 1 year

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Idk what it was but chat was so fucking funny this stream 💀💀

some of my favorite lines:

AND THE CROWD IS AFRAID 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥

HES BURNING THE UBER EATS 🔥🔥🔥🔥

HE CAN COOK… BUT I AINT EATING SHIT 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

WHAT IS BRO SAYING 🔥🔥🔥

You are cooking sushi with a microwave

AND THE CROWD GOES MILD 🔥🔥

AND THE CROWD GOES CONCERNED 🔥🗣️

ITS FUCKING SOGGY

THE KITCHEN HAS WATER DAMAGE 🔥🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

THE CROWD HAS MOTION SICKNESS FROM THE TURN 🔥🔥

#chats reaction is like half of this bit so I thought y’all should see it #he just kept saying ‘let me cook’ for like 20 minutes #and then sang about Minecraft for an hour #the isolation really got to him #qsmp #charlie slimecicle #slimecicle #qsmp slimecicle

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adobe-outdesign · 10 months

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Shiny hunting in Gens 1—5: it is the hundredth day out in the wilds and the white whale still has not been spotted. I remember the faint feeling of the breeze upon my face and think of my family, a single tear rolling down my cheek Shiny hunting in Gen 9: haha sammich

#pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon sv #shiny pokemon #outdesign posts things #this post is me trying to get the correct energy going for my shiny drowzee hunt in SV #just spent an hour isolated encounter sandwhich shiny charm and nothing so far

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namelessvoid77 · 2 years

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idk smthn i never see anyone talking about is how lonely being chronically ill is

#idk i just feel so isolated like not to be all no one understands me but no one understands me lmfao #chronic pain #chronic illness #disabled #disability

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mlobsters · 3 months

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