#it's nice to finally have something to properly associate myself with

[art-soboro]

my fursoner

[tonkatsubowl]

hey there, pretty boy. ii

▼ aventurine x fem!reader ▼ enemies to lovers ▼ nsfw themes. mdni.

you're a sultry dancer at a club, but you're actually a stellaron hunter and an assassin in disguise. you catch a glimpse of a wealthy man... and it goes from there.

▼ part 1 here

after what had happened a few nights ago, the two of you exchanged contact information. but was this a good idea?

hell, you were a stellaron hunter, and you had some gut feeling that aventurine knew that you are one.

but your gut feeling told you to pursue these feelings of...lust? admiration? whatever they are, you were going for it.

today was a planned date, and both you and aventurine agreed to head to penacony and eat out at a fancy restaurant. it was expensive, and you weren't surprised he would treat you to such an overpriced place. so, you decided to dress nice. with the money you got from being a dancer at a club, you were able to purchase yourself a nice dress- an expensive looking one, even.

so you wore it to the date. and you agreed to meet at the place.

as you stood by and watched, there were many men and passerby looking at you. them and their wandering eyes, looking at every inch of your body, fascinated to how pristine you looked. yet, you were intimidating to approach. was it the vibes of the killer you gave off? or your beauty alone?

"and here i thought you wouldn't show up."

aventurine's voice chimed in as he revealed himself, donned in expensive, casual wear.

"you thought i'd set you up?" you questioned, turning towards him.

aventurine adjusts his shades before taking him off, revealing those beautiful, rare eyes of his, "mm, yes and no. i know you are a busy woman, and yet here you are...choosing to be with me, and," he takes your hand as he bows, brushing his lips at the back of your palm, "even agreeing to spend some time for our little date."

you roll your eyes, but you didn't retract your hand away. he turns to the entrance, looking at you before gesturing his arm for you to hold. you might as well keep up with appearances, so you decided to wrap your arm around his as he escorted you in.

greeted by the host, and acknowledged that you and aventurine had a reservation at a vip area (that was a private room). the host would lead you two towards your designated spot, before leaving you be to decide on drinks and entrees.

"now that we are alone, i can finally speak to you properly," aventurine chimes as he seats himself, looking at the menu. "...so, stellaron hunter, tell me about yourself."

you weren't surprised in the slightest.

"and tell me why you, fully knowledgeable of my association with the ipc, decided to linger with me here today."

a flirtatious tone, mixed with a threat. beautiful.

you scoff, looking at the menu, peering down at the menu.

"aren't you a senior manager? i'm sure having connections and communications within the cosmos is something to have." you say, flipping a page of the menu.

"oh? and you are betraying your friends?"

"nay," you say, looking at him, "it would take more than just a date for me to spill every bit of information i have about myself...to you."

aventurine smiled. he chuckled, before gesturing for a waiter to come by.

"two glasses of wine, please. your finest."

the waiter would nod, before departing.

"playing hard to get, mm? they say a man's treasure is difficult to obtain, especially with how beautiful they are." aventurine's smile widens, a flirtatious tone obvious in this voice.

"i'm sure you've said that to many women to court them out of your own desires." you say, sighing. "i've heard it all, already. you can stop trying."

aventurine chuckled again, "you think i'm going to court you just for my own desire? interesting. you're gambling with me right now, aren't you?"

you steady your eyes on the man, "don't tell me."

"why, truth to be told, i'm only interested in you solely because...you're such a mystery." he rests his elbows on the table, resting his chin on top of his hands. "gambling is a price to pay. it is a hit or miss, but you spend a certain amount of money to gain millions...but you have a chance to lose it all with one move. perhaps i am looking at millions right now, but this date...or perhaps, my chance here, will be the one where i may lose you. or win you."

your eyes twitch, "what are you saying?"

you were deafened as aventurine gestured for the waiter to come. they would return, where aventurine provided their order, entree included. "would you like dessert later, my dear?" he asked you.

you blinked, before murmuring. "...i suppose."

aventurine nodded, before sending the waiter away.

"...answer me, senior manager. what do you mean by all of that?" you questioned, raising your voice a bit.

"you're...a bit dense, i see." aventurine's smile never left him.

"simply put, stellaron hunter (y/n)... i want you."

[pizzaronipasta]

Fuck it, I'm trying out a new label.

Bigender

Lately, I've been fantasizing about wearing skirts and thigh-highs, but at the same time I've been really happy with my (short) hairstyle and my facial hair. At first, I thought this was just me finding out I was gender non-conforming. I rationalized it as me finding thigh-highs sexually attractive, and enjoying the sex-positivity of rocking them for myself.

But that made me wonder what that meant for me. Did that make me a femboy or something? My attachment to my more masculine features made that a really confusing question. Eventually, I turned my thoughts to gender identity. Either it could answer my questions, or it could at the very least rule out a lot of possibilities and make things easier to figure out. I thought about it long and hard. The process was infuriatingly fruitless, since I felt something when I considered identifying as a girl, but I hated the idea of committing to it fully. And at the same time, I was very comfortable with identifying as male, but it still felt like something was wrong. In the end, I gave up and went back to considering myself gender non-conforming, maybe something like a femboy.

But the uncertainty was agonizing. My mind kept wandering back to this topic, never any less confused. Finally, when fantasizing about presenting femininely at one point, the word "she" happened to flash in my mind. Before then, I didn't mind she/her pronouns, but I never identified with them. It never felt like they were referring to me. But in that moment, the word "she" just felt so natural, so right. I realized that the reason I never truly identified with she/her pronouns was because I had never explored my femininity like this. I also realized that she/her pronouns didn't feel right in many cases because I associate my name with he/him so strongly. So I thought up a variant of my name, similar enough that I could easily identify with it, but much more feminine. It immediately felt good when I tried out switching back and forth between my two names. (Even saying "my two names" just now felt nice.) Pairing the names with the corresponding pronouns, I could finally identify properly with both identities without dissonance. I still have some doubts about a couple things, but I feel like I've finally figured out enough to give the label a proper trial run.

Also, thank you @sonia-wah-wah for bringing bigender concepts to my attention. Some posts you made a while back put the idea in my head and are probably what planted the seeds for all this. Good luck with your own questioning, if you still have anything to figure out.

[actually-nagito]

i really have nothing. I’m so alone. this was all I had left. please don’t bully others just to feel better about yourself. you have no idea how awful my life is. I’m cursed. nothing has gone right for the past five years. Last year when I was on my deathbed and only made it through by forcing myself to suffer, my dog died two days after I got discharged from the hospital. my close friend dumped be because my face reminds them of someone else who hurt them and therefore I’m the bad guy. no they wouldn’t even talk about it with me; they just blocked me every time I tried to ask why or what happened or what I did or if we could at least be civil with each other. But they said I didn’t do anything of course. They didn’t even answer back when I messaged them on my deathbed saying my surgery didn’t go well but I forgive them for everything they did and I hope they could start fresh with me too. they responded basically saying they’re embarrassed by me and ashamed and that they don’t want to ever associate with me or talk to me again. Treated me like I was worthless and not human. Like a piece of trash. And I started to believe them. That I was worthless. That I didn’t deserve anything even though I didn’t actually do anything to hurt them. No, they only got angry cause I told them that their friends are being a bit mean to me and I asked if they could stop saying mean things about me to their friends. Got told I was selfish and they blocked me before they even let me finish my sentence/apology. They finally read my apology the other day and I took their side, worded it nicely, and all I asked for was just to be civil with each other. They blocked me again. Nothing I do will ever please them, cause they never cared in the first place. Never asked me about my surgery. Never tried to reconcile. Never even communicated with me about anything. I bet they don’t even know what happened after my surgery, cause they didn’t read my messages properly. They would skim my messages and then get mad that they misinterpreted something that they wouldn’t have misinterpreted if they just actually read my messages. Because ignoring me and telling people I’m a bad person is easier than confronting yourself I guess. They have no idea how much of my life they’ve ruined. I could ruin theirs by telling the truth to their friends, but I don’t. Because I’m not mean. I don’t ruin other people’s friendships just to gain praise and a good reputation.

I cared so much about them. I wanted to believe so bad that they were a good person. That they cared. That they could be civil with me or would try to. But the truth is they never did care. If they did they would’ve tried to communicate at all before dumping me. But instead they pushed themselves up by pushing me down. I told them I forgave them but the truth is they ruined so much of my life. This was all I had left and they’re so privleged they don’t even realize how much I’ve lost. How much they’ve ruined. How simple their life is, that they can just meet someone every day and make friends. That they can actually participate in society and not have to worry about surviving the next hour. And they’ll never realize it until they experience something remotely similar, but for now they haven’t and because of that I’m the bad guy. I even tried telling them I don’t have a lot of time left, I don’t have months and months and years to wait for them to realize something that they should’ve a long time ago.

The truth is I still do care about them and I wish I didn’t. I wish it didn’t bother me. I wish I could live carefree and happily ignore them. But I don’t get that privilege anymore. I lost a lot.

My life has been slowly fading away for years. I am slowly rotting until one day I won’t have even the ability to survive anymore. I can feel it coming. I know it’s soon. I just wish I could have my life back. I’m so tired of being so alone. Of everyone being against me because of something one person said.

Please. Just let me have something. Please.

[beaversatemygrandma]

Omg. So yesterday. I got a haircut, okay? Just a usual day. Well, after staring at my pokemon trainer in scarlet for long periods of time and realizing that her haircut would TOTALLY work for me, i went back into the clothes menu and looked at what the cut was called. The 2-Block haircut. And i was like “sick, this is cool” and i googled it to see what it looked like irl. 

Well, I have come to learn that this specific haircut is super popular in Korea and Japan for men. Mostly because of K-Pop. Everything i was looking up was saying “Look like your favorite K-Pop boy!” or “(insert some boy band here) and their perfect hair!” And I’m just cringing internally regretting this idea entirely. I mention this to both my dad and the guy I’ve been talking to lately and both of them were very confused as to what i was talking about. Both of them saying something along the lines of “Trust me, you’re the only one who will know this. I have No Clue what you’re talking about.” And so, I was set on getting this cut.

I walk into the shop, i show the woman cutting my hair the pic and I’m sitting there in this Blurryface 21 Pilots sweater that deadass has Korean lettering on it and regretting my choice of easy to take off in case of extra itchy hair shirt. I set myself up for this. Oh God. I look like a Koreaboo don’t I? I tell the hairdresser that I found this but sadly it’s associated with K-Pop boy bands even though i don’t like that stuff, and i think i could pull it off in a feminine way. And she looks over it as this older woman with a lovely high undercut and short hair and says “Oh yes, this totally could work.” Also, likely having no earthly idea what i was talking about with K-Pop. She gets it done with a lot of questions about exactly where the undercut ends and if i wanted the hair over the cut or angles, and mostly to prevent it from turning into the weirdest bowl cut. And well, She Pulled It Off Perfectly.

There i was, my hair kinda greasy and flat because i hadn’t showered that morning due to a lack of time and So Damn Happy it looked good. This doesn’t even show the Nice Shaved underpart. The flat hair WORKED.

Now, the day wasn’t over yet. The newest branch of the local international store had finally opened up and it’s closer to my house than the other one. So, me wanting those specific seaweed chow mien noodles and some lychee drinks, I Went. Now, this was perfectly normal. Gathering my random Taiwanese and Korean noodles and snacks and drinks. Great haul. I got the Good Shit. And then i started looking around at the other customers. I CANNOT EXPLAIN JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE IN THERE HAD THIS HAIRCUT. I look over at the this old Asian man. Same haircut. I look to this 15 year old flipping out about the sheer selection of ramen. SAME HAIRCUT. This 20-something white guy with pink hair who seems to be exactly what i was avoiding looking like. SAME Cut. ANOTHER OLD GUY. SAME CUT. And I’m just screaming internally. All of these people were obviously east Asian, speaking Korean and Chinese and all. And I’m just there, thinking “Fuck. I made a mistake.” I mentioned this to my dad on the way out. We had been standing being this guy who was in his 60s who had the same haircut in line. (his hair was dyed this interesting shade of ginger tbh, i actually liked that cut. Looked great, but the shaved spots uncovered some liver spots.) Well, my dad hadn’t noticed this even though i saw it like 10 times. And I’m just there like, “I probably pull this off better.” I do. Most of them were old people trying to look young. I mean, good on them, it’s a good damn cut. I have respect for that ginger-haired grandpa.

And then we get to when i finally washed it properly and my hair poofed back up and i didn’t seem to remember that my hair is Super Thick and Voluminous and i cannot escape the fluff.

I also tried a middle part. I stared at it for like a solid 30 seconds before flipping my part again because i looked just like that one K-Pop boy that I See EVERYWHERE. Jumin or something. Idk his name. Starts with a J though. Ugly middle part with that heavy bowl cut over an undercut vibes. I hate his hair tbh. I’m thinking this is something I could actually use gel in and get a further left part or even just flatten those bangs because holy shit they stand up FAR because of a cowlick. I got a natural Fwoop. It’s like that. It just does that. I love it normally, but with this I’m debating on flattening it.

Also, this is totally the start of me growing the top hair long and continuing to shave down the bottom. I will eventually have that great versatile fauxhawk going on. But for now. This is sadly associated with K-Pop and such and I’m still internally screaming.

Anyways, that’s the story of how I got a 2-Block haircut. I’m still adjusting to making this more of a personal look instead of All That.

[the-teddy-bear-butch]

Пчелка, if i can forgive you for a little late response then you'll have to forgive me for completely forgetting this blog exist. (I feel like me joking about being a dumb of ass has never been truer)

Here's where you're wrong though because chocolate that is just a little bit bitter is the best. (opinions on pickles?)

it is pretty old! I got it from my favourite little book store. I have a bit of a thing for buying old books and they have such a good selection (second hand book stores wooo!) I have to keep myself from coming home with the whole store!

aye me too! same with Legally Blonde and Scream being on the list. I think i'm gonna watch scream soon with it being spooky season, I might even use it for my Ronancetober prompt (which means i'd be watching it in like 1-2 days so i'll probably stick to my original plan)

do you have a favourite horror movie? or just movie in genera?

You're always welcome to send me more songs for me to put the random ass colour/place association my brain gives me into words. I do gotta share one song i've been obsessed with for the last couple days or else i'll explode. Two Weeks by Grizzly Bear which sounds like a very clean but not empty (which probably makes no sense but bare with me i'll give picture reference) anyway it's a mix between a clean but not empty black, white, and gray. and even though it's not a Christmas song it reminds me of one, thus the immediate memories of me, all my siblings driving around at night looking at the crazy Christmas light decorations, it was always so peaceful and very pretty I wish I could just like... take the memory out of my head show you Giver style. Disclaimer: the only photo I took out of all of the one's i'm about to show you is the sunbeam one.

MAY I PRESENT TO YOU! CLEAN BUT FULL COLOURS

is that last one the floor is Costco? Possibly.

goat milk ice cream sounds so good? Even though i'm lactose intolerant i'd risk it all for ice cream.

I laughed a little when you said you only get a little snow because winter last from November until March which I don't really mind until March since I was Not Built For The Sun, it only get annoying in March then i'm over all the snow that's still sitting around.

wait dude congradulations (or however you spell it) on doing something about your crush very cool of you! like a week ago I seen a cute girl, tripped in front of her then hid in the bathroom for 15 mins. nothing weird or awkward friendly flirting only *thumbs up emoji except i've already mentioned my computer is old as fuck and doesn't work properly so no emoji's for me unless i'm using mobile* I love talking to you too! you can be my weird american internet friend. Not to sure about the dm thing maybe eventually (not that I don't comfortable i'm just hella shy and scared of rejection (though I don't even know how'd since you're the one always replying lol)

i'm feeling a lot better even enough to actually bake cookies!

cookie pictures as a thank you for being so nice when I was sick <333

your weird Canadian friend who's totally not freaking out about Alvvay's new album being released tomorrow

-el

HELLO

Let me start off with I AM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY FOR NEVER ANSWERING

I had every intention of doing so and then October put me through the RINGER and my brain decided my inbox was a cursed place and ignored it so bad. I did NOT mean to just never reply, I swear <33

I’ll give you that! A little bitter is good! I like mine more sweet, but there is such a thing as too sweet! Also, I feel like this is the wrong answer, but I really do not like pickles 💔

That’s such a cool hobby!!! The only used bookstore we have local is… Well it’s a religious bookstore and I’ve not felt like checking it out 😅 But I love old books! My dad has given me a few of his own. I love my yellowed, falling apart, old book smell LOTR trilogy so much. I should sit and read them sometime

I still need to watch Scream!!! I did, however, finally watch Legally Blonde, and that was an EXCELLENT decision, 11/10, highly recommend. We love intelligent, badass women in this household.

Admittedly, I’m kind of a big baby when it comes to horror, less so in a blood and gore way and more in an I have anxiety and jump scares might send me into cardiac arrest ajdkdkdkksks. That said! The best horror adjacent thing I’ve watched is probably Ginger Snaps!! I have a feeling Scream might top it, just a vibe, but I have to watch it first lol. How about you?? Do you have a favorite horror movie? 👀

OH OH OH I LOVE THAT SONG!!! You are so so so right, I can see it!! If you’re interested, here’s a trio for you: “Sports Car” by Valley (became a recent favorite!), “Infinitely Ordinary” by The Wrecks, and “The View Between Villages” by Noah Kahan (I love this man!!!). Also!! That sunbeam photo is so lovely!!! That belongs as the photo on someone’s playlist for sure

It is! I am also lactose intolerant, so goddamn worth it dude 😋

That’s wild!! I honestly wish we got snow more often, I just wish it didn’t come with ice ajskdkkdkd. We have… Winter? It’s like Christmas through mid February. We get ice storms and sleet and MAYBE like three snow days 😭

Thank you so much! It’s very exciting. I have discovered I am in fact hopeless when not behind a screen. It’s easy to flirt when you’re not stuttering and red in the face. I am SO MUCH MORE CONFIDENT here, it’s wild. But I guess I’m doing something right ahdkdkkddk.

Weird American friend is fun! You can be my cool as fuck Canadian friend!! I know nobody there, though oddly enough my grandparents lived in Alberta for several years! No worries/no pressure as far as DMing, this is fun too! <333 Also!!! I’m still 100% down to watch LOTR with you, and I promise not to be obnoxious and spout off facts that everyone already knows (did you know the riders of Rohan were all women in beards—[GUNSHOT])

Those cookies look delicious!!! Perfectly chewy, by the looks of it! I’m guessing you enjoy baking?? <33

THE ALBUM I NEED TO GO BINGE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW SHIT I GOT TOO WRAPPED UP IN NOAH KAHAN

- your very, very sorry, weird American friend Max/Lo

[iovchlde]

the little things.

what are the little things that they do to show that they love you?

featuring zhongli, xiao, childe

author’s note.

another headcanon that was long overdue OOPS. i’ve had this sitting in my drafts for so long and i was just like 🙂 it’s about time i stop being lazy

zhongli

zhongli is a great storyteller, and you never fail to remind him of that fact. but as you two bask in the presence of one another, he’ll find himself looking forward to listening to you.

it’s become routinely at this point— at the end of the day, zhongli would invite you to sit with him at a place the oversees the sea of clouds. whether it’s for tea or casual chatter, it was always something you’d both looked forward to at the end of the day.

he likes listening to you ramble on about your day. like how you saw this one gorgeous glaze lily on the way to qingce village, or how you’ve come across that one breathtaking waterfall. you tell him that you’d like to bring him there, and he finds him nodding along, with a burning sensation at the tips of his ears.

he’s glad that the sun is no longer there, and the yellow shade the light casts hides his blush. but if he didn’t know any better, he would’ve guessed that your face was flushed red too.

zhongli can’t help but throw a subtle glance your way as he takes a sip from the cup of tea in his hands, lingering for a second too long before he finally tears away. your gaze is distant— your eyes trained on the sea, and your face is placed comfortably into the palm of your hand. on days like these, he knows you have a lot on your mind, and he’s more than willing to listen to them.

“mind sharing your thoughts?” he asks quietly, his voice low and only loud enough for you to hear. there’s a beat of silence as it snaps you out of your line of thinking, cocking your head to the man in front of you, and it’s your turn to look at him. he holds your gaze tenderly; there’s something about the way it’s late and the way the space suddenly felt so intimate. and so you both look away before you could register the flutter of adoration in your chests.

“well,” you hum, and you resort to idly twirling the spoon in the cup of tea. a part of you felt childish that you couldn’t even look at him properly. feeling like a teenager facing their first crush, like a teenager confessing to their first crush. you’d been mulling over asking him to accompany you to your favorite spot, but the words always got caught in your throat whenever you saw him, and so you’d found yourself stalling. “i was just thinking about this one waterfall— it’s far off in qinqce village— and it’s my favorite place to visit whenever i just need time to myself. but,” and you trail off.

“but?” he raises a brow at you, urging you to continue whatever you wanted to say. there’s a hesitance that lingers behind your eyes, and you almost back down and scrap the idea.

but rather, you clear your throat awkwardly, staring hard at the scene ahead of you. “i’d like you to accompany me there one day. i’d like to share a special place with you.”

the words— zhongli likes to stop himself from looking deep into words, but he can’t help but feel a little flustered the longer he thinks about what you’ve said. in actuality, it’d been only about three to four seconds since you’d said it to him, but his mind was quick to absorb. “oh,” he says.

you’re about to retract your words, taking his one-word answer as a form of rejection, before he interferes.

“it’d be a pleasure of mine to share a special place with you too.”

xiao

a man not known for his affection— but is the type to hold your hand as you sleep. he’ll make sure that you’re deep in slumber before threading his fingers between yours, and smiling to himself at the feel of your hands against his.

as an adeptus, xiao doesn’t need to sleep much. but he has enough understanding to know that you, a human mortal, needs sleep to function properly.

he doesn’t know when he’d started doing it, but he’ll often find himself holding your hands when you’re fast asleep. there’s the erratic thump of his heart in his chest, and his pulse beats abnormally hard, and he feels a little giddy— the idea of you catching him flusters him to no end.

whenever you stir in your sleep, he’ll freeze. for a moment, he’d be too afraid to look at your face, in fear that you’d have an eye peered open; in fear that you’d catch him. but when he does glance at you, he’ll let out a sigh of relief when he sees that you’re still asleep.

it was one of those nights. he’d felt particularly lonely, a part of him felt hollow and bare, and he had nothing better to do. you were fast asleep, and your soft snores could be heard behind him, as he sits upon the windowsill across from the bed.

xiao moves silently, dragging a chair along with him, and seating himself beside you. your hands are dangling loosely at the edge of the bed, and he smiles a little to himself— glad that he doesn’t have to make much of an effort to hold your hand. cautiously, his hands would draw nearer to yours, until the tips of his fingers are ghosting your skin.

(he’d noted to peel his glove off of his hands, afraid that the cool feel would shock you awake, which was a less-than-desirable outcome.)

slowly, he’d thread his fingers with yours, taking as much time as he could. he relished in the way your hands fit so nicely with his, or the way your hands subconsciously molded itself with his as he comfortably holds it. it’s warm— a contrasting feel to the slightly cold room.

he admires your hands, and he can’t help but stare. xiao wonders how it would look like with a ring on your finger, how much prettier it’d be with a shiny band adorning your fingers.

little does he know, you smile a little as you feel his grasp tighten softly on your hand.

childe

childe’s not home often, due to the demands of being a harbinger, and so he does his best to make every minute worth it when he has a day off. he’ll wake up early in the morning to cook breakfast for you, and if possible, serve it to you in bed.

it’s hard to ignore the enticing smell that sifts through the crack underneath the door— even in your half-asleep state, you could tell that childe was cooking another one of his favorite snezhnayan breakfasts. it was something he looked forward to showing off, whenever he had the day free from work.

it’s not long before childe is peeking his head through the door, his hair messy and lazy smile plastered on his face, with a tray of food in his hands. it’s a meal for two, something you note as you see two glasses placed on the tray.

you’ll insist on doing the dishes after eating, but childe simply traps you in his arms after setting the tray aside. there’s no way he’s letting you out of his arms— at least not for another hour or so, and that’s only if he has something planned.

“good morning, love.” you can hear childe’s slightly groggy voice call out from the door to the bedroom. you shift over in your bed, turning to your other side so you would face him, and you’re pleasantly surprised to see a tray full of food placed in his hands. there’s a grin on his face as he saunters over to you— a grin that was either proud or smitten, it was hard to tell.

“what’s this?” you ask, as he places the tray in front of you. the bed dips slightly as he sits in front of you, his legs crossed, carefully not to nudge the tray and spill anything over. there are dishes you’re not familiar with, but it’s hard to deny that they look appetizing. “it looks amazing, though.”

“thank you,” he responds back brightly. he takes his time pointing out each dish in detail, telling you fond memories that he associates with the dish; things like how it reminds him of his childhood, or how it made him feel better on days he didn’t feel so well. he has a different reason this time, a different reason just for you. “i made this dish because i wanted you to associate it with something good— a good memory of us!” childe beams, and you can’t help the fond chuckle that escapes past your lips.

“thank you,” you tell him softly, reaching across the tray and holding his hands with care. “this means a lot to me, you know?”

and in that moment, he thinks he doesn’t mind doing this for the rest of his life— as long as you stay by his side.

[relax-and-read-on]

Sexualizing Konrad Curze you say?

*Crack knuckles*

Anon you are in for a world of trouble.

(I promess there will be horny ramble further down just skip the essay to the bullet point list if you want the Fun Time Stuff)

I love Konrad. So much. He's my blorbo. He's my fav to such a degree, I don't even want to fuck him myself, I want to get him the Perfect Partner. He's interesting and unique and provide amazing narrative.

The Problem that I have with sexualizing him is that... Either it turn extremely unhealthy (wich, fair enough, that's hot), or I need to write an entire essay and FIX HIM first before I can hope to get anywhere with him.

Im fascinated by complex character. I am also extremely sex positive, and LOVE a good healing/redemption story. If you mix all that together, you get to my fav type of story ever, wich go as follow: "Character is beaten and broken down, in horrible ways beyond imaginations. They are jagged and a mess. But slowly, they claw their way out of their hole of despair and trauma, bitter inch by bitter inch, and reclaim their agency, body autonomy, and the fact that they CAN love themself."

And like. Isn't Konrad the perfect candidate for that?!?

"That's all well and good Math, but how tf does that relate to sexy stuff??" I hear you say at your screen.

Well! I actually HC Konrad as having survived through CSA. I went into it a bit more deeply early on in this blog, and I might one day make a full analysis of the why I think that, and how it's still affecting him. Let's just say that, the signs are pretty clear.

CSA survivor can, if they want, have a healthy sex life. It just present itself with it's own challenge, unique to that person. Konrad, having incredibly complex and layered trauma, is something else all together. It's straight up fascinating to me to observe his sexuality, and how he can navigate all that. Both in a healthy "trying to get better" way and in a "If you Don't Question Yourself Than Nothing Will Hurt You" way.

That said- here is finally some! Complex nsfw hc of Konrad!!!

Sex with Konrad is. A challenge. He is unpredictable, as he has MANY triggers, and doesn't even know or realise half of them himself.

The neck is 100% off limit. No strangling, and its dangerous to even just kiss it. The hair should NEVER be pulled, but he might melt if you gently scratch it.

If triggered, he won't want to stop, no... He will just get very violent, but will want to continue. Can, and has, bitten chunk out of his partners body.

Only allow oral sex on himself if he REALLY trust the person. Will never perform oral sex on someone else, unless you are really into some serious mutilation.

Do actually like being the bottom. The feeling of being cared for is foreign but nice. Loosing control, however, make him feel weird af. On one hand, it's nice to finally let go. On the other, trauma.

Absolutely accept and is into a partner hurting him during sex. For him it's added spice, of course his partner wants to hurt him!!!

Does not want to cuddle or fall asleep after, unless he has build a GIANT amount of trust with his partner.

Is it pleasure, pain, or just the sensations that he associate with the only times people would willingly touch him? Better not think about that and ask to be slapped harder!!!

Will talk during sex. Not necessarily dirty talk, but similar-ish.

Age play is.... Very, VERY risky. On one hand, if properly done, it might actually help him process some shit, and he would be into that. On the other.... Further trauma~~

Restrain are. Well. He's an eel, and will have fun showing you that they are useless and may have a good time. But if you get him Actually Contained... There's a solid chance you will get the Night Haunter.

You don't fuck with the Night Haunter. He will be the one to tell you to stop and get tf out, and you listen if you value your organs. (Yes, Konrad can only refuse sex if his protective alter ego come out. I know.)

Does not masturbate himself, but would be lowkey curious to watch his partner pleasure themself.

3 way or group sex are dangerous. He might become violent if he's the focus too much, or if there is too many hands.

Once properly introduced to it, would LOVE structured BDSM, with proper scenario and aftercare.

A switch in general in dynamic. He does really need to learn how to not violently hurt his partner, he has huge problems understanding limits.

[dapandapod]

24 or 34 for the hug prompt 💖🥰

24. wanting to hug but your ignored 34. hug to prevent a fight

Alright, you asked for mean so here goes. Let me tell you right now, I made myself SO mad writing this. Like, properly pissed off. I want you all to mind the tags, because this dude is an asshole and not shy about it. Thank you @kuripon for the beta, you are wonderful and I love you <3

Warnings: swearing, insults, sexual inuendos and name calling, (not the nice kind) Geralt is so, so stupid (but eskel saves the day don't worry) and sad, sad Jaskier. please mind the warnings

Send me a hug prompt? (I can be fluffy too I promise)

On Ao3                 Hug collection here

“So tell me bard.” The man on the other side of the bar leans over the counter with another three or five men leering behind him. “How did you earn your keep tonight? Fucking or singing?”

Jaskier blinks and frowns, sensing Geralt and Eskel tensing next to him.

“Excuse me?”

“You know?” The man makes a very lewd hand gesture. “Or maybe even…” And now he mimics a blow job.

“Sir, I will let you know, I am a world-famous poet and highly sought after bard. I earn my keep just by stepping into the building.”

Jaskier doesn’t want to brag, but this man either doesn’t know who he is talking to, or knows exactly who he is talking to, and neither option is good.

“Oh yes, the master Dandelion, known for his silver tongue. You use that in many ways, I hear.” The man wiggles his eyebrows and his friends behind him laugh. So he knows, then.

“Don’t speak to him that way.” Geralt stands up behind Jaskier, a looming, angry presence at his back. Some of the men take an involuntary step back, but the man talking just smiles wider.

“Ah, there he is! Butcher of Blaviken! Tell me, who pays who in your arrangement? The bard whore, for you to stick around, or the Butcher, wanting to get his dick wet?”

This time, Eskel stands up, putting himself between Geralt and the man. Turns out to be a good idea, because Geralt is growling, baring his teeth.

“No, Geralt,” Eskel murmurs. “It’s not worth it.”

“Bard fucking you both? Huh, you gotta be good then. How much for a go?" the man asks, licking his lips as Jaskier feels his eyes run up and down his body.

Jaskier feels nausea at the back of his throat. This is not the first time someone has come on to him like this, but usually the witchers don’t get to hear the worst of it.

Geralt lunges forward, but Eskel catches him in a bear hug, pinning his arms to his sides.

“No, Geralt. You go upstairs and bring Jaskier with you. I’ll take out the trash,” Eskel mutters, turning to look at the asshole who suddenly realizes exactly who he’s been messing with.

Geralt growls again. Really, that man needs to learn some words instead of sounds, but he tears away from Eskel and glares.

If the heckler is found dead tomorrow, nobody would doubt for a second who did it.

“Come on, Jaskier,” Geralt says angrily, but doesn’t touch him like he usually would. Doesn’t let his hand rest on his shoulder, or offer comfort at his back.

“Hope you got enough coin, witcher! I hear he is famous!” the man yells, and Jaskier feels himself flinch and shrink in on himself.

They walk up the stairs when the first yelp of pain is heard, and more chairs scraping against the floor. When Geralt closes the door to their room behind them, Jaskier is sure he hears the heckler being thrown outside.

It feels better, but not by much.

He sits on the bed, arms around himself, feeling pathetic and hurt. All he wants is someone to wrap him up in a hug and make him feel less dirty. Preferably Geralt, but that is a dream forever dreamt. Geralt paces back and forth in the room, restless and agitated.

“I’m sorry,” Geralt says finally, stopping and looking down at him. Jaskier looks up, sure that his every emotion is showing on his face. As predicted, Geralt’s expression scrunches up and he drags a hand through his hair.

“I won’t touch you anymore,” Geralt says, and it hurts more than anything the man downstairs could ever have said.

Jaskier looks down on his feet again, before nodding and standing up.

“I’ll go see if I can have a bath drawn,” he says, and then flees out the door.

There is only so much he can take.

~

Geralt is unsure of what to do now. He paces back and forth, trying and failing to find something to do. It didn’t feel quite right, the way Jaskier left. He had said it to make Jaskier feel better, because obviously being associated with him put Jaskier in trouble. Geralt will never understand what he did to deserve him, but he doesn’t want to make Jaskier's life harder for knowing him.

Maybe he should go downstairs. Maybe he will feel better if he gets a good punch in on the asshole. He is about to head downstairs, when Eskel comes in and looks around.

“Where is Jaskier?”

“Bath,” Geralt mutters, absolutely not pouting about the fight already being over.

“Fair. I would want a bath too if I got that shit thrown at me.”

Geralt says nothing, just sits back down on the bed and fiddles with some loose threads on his tunic.

“Maybe I shouldn’t travel with him anymore,” Geralt says, regretting it the moment he opens his mouth.

“What? Why? Did Jaskier say something?” Eskel says, frowning and sitting down on the chair by the work table. He has his own room further down the hall, but it feels good to have his brother here now, to not be alone.

“No, but if being around us, me, will make people say such things to him, maybe he is safer if--”

“--You didn’t actually say this to him?” Eskel interrupts, sitting up ramrod straight.

“What? No, I only said I wouldn’t touch him anymore.”

“You..?! Oh my actual-- GERALT! You are such a fucking imbecile sometimes! Do you have cabbages for brains?!” Eskel stands up again, and he is the one pacing the room this time. A family trait, it seems.

“What? I just wanted to comfort him,” Geralt asks, getting increasingly self conscious.

“You fucking, UGH. No wonder you are still pining your asses off for each other! Geralt, if someone called you a whore, and then your best friend says he won’t touch you any more and wanted to go on separate ways, how would that make you feel? Fuck, why do I have to do this?!”

“Oh.”

“Yes, Geralt, Oh. Now you go the fuck down to Jaskier, this moment, and give him a hug. Melitele knows he could use it.”

Eskel more or less pulls Geralt off the bed and throws him out of his own room. Geralt turns to look back at him, but Eskel slams the door in his face.

Well then.

Geralt walks down the stairs to the bathing room, not even knocking before stepping in.

Jaskier sits fully dressed still with his face in his hands, staring with eyes watering, completely ignoring the steaming bathtub right next to him.

When he notices Geralt he looks up, and his eyes are so full of hurt and hope that Geralt could kick himself.

He opens his arms, and Jaskier is up from the bench. Three steps later he has thrown himself into Geralt’s arms, drawing in a ragged breath.

Maybe Eskel is right. Maybe the way to protect Jaskier is not to pull back, but to pull closer.

And the way Jaskier clings to him right now, maybe he will be allowed.

[little-mad]

Downsides of Thievery Pt. 12

~ Previous Part ~ Next Part ~

Gavin felt completely emotionally drained. Between being insulted by Ashryn and threatened by Rael, all he really wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hide from the world for a little while. There was no part of him that was ready to face the alteon Emperor--to be judged and sentenced. Gavin wasn’t even sure he had the energy to plead his case at this point.

As much as he just wanted to run away, there was no escape for the human. He was trapped on top of a gigantic desk. The massive items nearby almost seemed to taunt him, reminding him of how small and insignificant he was in this dimension. “You’re pathetic,” the quill sitting in its inkwell a few feet away seemed to say. “You’re all alone,” Gavin imagined a massive roll of parchment sneer.

“Great, I’ve sunk so low I’m starting to imagine inanimate objects talking to me,” Gavin thought bitterly to himself.

Meanwhile, the alteon Emperor loomed over the human like some kind of divine monument. The man almost looked ethereal, as if he walked straight out of a storybook. His skin, which appeared nearly flawless, was of a cool brown color. He shared Rael’s long black hair, but rather than tying it back, the Emperor wore his down, with a few strands done into intricate braids. As seemed to be the case with all alteons, the Emperor’s eyes were of a striking, vibrant color. Those yellow irises were focused in on Gavin, holding him in their intense stare.

In terms of dress, the Emperor certainly looked the part. He wore a jeweled band around his head that appeared to be made of silver--which matched the metal that made up the leaf shaped earring that hung from one of his pointed ears.

With the Emperor sitting at his desk, it was impossible for Gavin to see a majority of the man’s apparel, but what he could see looked incredibly lavish. The tunic was of a deep blue color and was decorated with silver embellishments along the hemlines. No doubt the garment was made of silk or some other similar luxurious fabric.

“We have much to discuss,” the Emperor began as he looked down at Gavin. “But first, I believe introductions are in order.” There was no hostility in the man’s voice. Unlike with Ashryn, Gavin didn’t detect anything disdainful or accustatory in his tone. Instead, the Emperor seemed perfectly calm and polite; he even wanted to engage in civil greetings. “My name is Ailred. I am the son of Lyris, and the Emperor of Iaela,” he announced smoothly, the words clearly ones he had said many times.

Considering both Rael and the Emperor had introduced themselves without surnames, Gavin had to assume alteon’s didn’t utilize them in the same way many human cultures did. The Emperor had presented himself as the son of “Lyris” though, something Rael had not done. Were he in a better mental state, Gavin may have pondered why that might be, but given the circumstances he would just accept it and move on.

It took a long moment of Gavin just standing there frozen, shifting uncomfortably under the Emperor’s silent stare, before he figured out he was expected to say something. “He wants me to introduce myself,” he realized.

How the hell was he supposed to get himself to speak? This was maybe the very first time Gavin had zero desire to say anything. He didn’t trust himself anymore. The last time he’d opened his big mouth, he’d ended up with a giant hand slammed down beside him. Now imagine the consequences that could await him if he said the wrong thing to a damn Emperor.

At the same time, remaining silent was hardly an option either. Refusing to comply with the Emperor’s wishes could just as easily have frightening repercussions. Gavin really and truly was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

After a few seconds of internal panicking and frenzied thinking, Gavin spoke up. “My name is Gavin--uh Gavin Stone,” he managed to spit out. He tried to force himself to maintain eye contact with the Emperor, but every fiber of his being was begging him to look away from that intimidating gaze.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Gavin Stone,” the Emperor replied, giving Gavin a nod of greeting before turning his attention beyond him. “Rael, I trust you encountered no issues in retrieving Mr. Stone?” he inquired, reminding Gavin of the fact that his former captor remained in the room, just a few yards away.

“There was no trouble from the humans, your majesty; however I did run into some brigands in the woods who attempted to abduct the prisoner,” Gavin heard Rael explain from behind him. “The offenders did manage to escape, and for that I offer my sincerest apologies.” God, Rael almost sounded like a different person when he spoke to the Emperor. Not that Gavin had any real grasp on what kind of person Rael was. He’d learned that the hard way.

A frown developed on the Emperor’s face. “You did your duty in protecting the human,” he began. “What I’m more concerned with is the fact that these criminals were bold enough to attempt to interfere with Imperial business.”

“Greed can drive you to do some pretty stupid shit,” Gavin thought to himself bitterly.

After a moment of silent contemplation, the Emperor sighed. “I suppose we’ll need to increase the number of patrols in the surrounding woods,” he concluded. “I’ll also have you meet with Captain Saida later to coordinate a search for these would-be abductors.”

If Kaydin and his female associate were smart, they would already be getting as far away from the palace as possible. Gavin could tell the Emperor was serious about this, so if the two thugs didn’t get some major distance from the scene of the crime, there was probably a high likelihood they’d wind up getting caught.

“Now,” Gavin instantly felt the intensity of the Emperor’s gaze return to him, “you are here because you were caught stealing from an alteon diplomat while they were visiting the human realm, correct?”

Suddenly Gavin felt like he was back in elementary school, being forced to answer questions the principal already knew the answer to. The Emperor already knew what the human in front of him had done, and yet he wanted to see Gavin admit to it himself.

Biting back an exasperated sigh, Gavin gave a nod of confirmation.

“And you understand that because your crime was against an alteon, you were brought here to face judgement?” the Emperor inquired, continuing to watch Gavin with those hypnotizing yellow eyes.

Gavin nodded again. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get away with giving non-verbal responses forever, but he wanted to avoid it for as long as possible. Not only because he didn’t trust himself not to say the wrong thing, but also because he wasn’t sure how he was meant to refer to the Emperor. Rael had called him “your majesty” earlier, but the idea of saying something like that sounded so strange to Gavin.

“I realize as a human you are unfamiliar with alteon customs, so allow me to explain the situation,” the Emperor started. “Typically, when I am called to judge a criminal, it is done as an official trial in which nobles and all involved parties are present.”

Gavin supposed that wasn’t altogether different from the trials back home. Of course, rather than having a jury of his peers, Gavin would be judged by the Emperor and the Emperor alone.

“However,” the giant monarch continued, “because you are human, the circumstances are different. I believe a large-scale event would do more harm than good in the long run,” he explained, folding his hands atop the desk. Gavin tried not to focus on them for long, because he and giant hands really weren’t on good terms.

While he was glad to hear he wouldn’t be subjected to some grandiose trial in which he’d be trapped in a room full of a bunch of alteons staring at him, Gavin wasn’t entirely sure alternatives would bode any better. If the Emperor had no one around to criticize his decision, he could be as cruel as he wanted.

“In the meeting which preceded this one, I discussed with my advisors various potential sentences,” the Emperor went on. “I also requested input from Ashryn, as he has some experience interacting with humans,” he added, looking at Rael when he said it.

Gavin suppressed a scowl. He was sure any input from Ashryn had been exceedingly negative. For whatever reason, the guy had it out for him--or maybe he just had it out for all humans in general for some reason.

“Ashryn’s position on the matter was that you need to be made an example of,” the Emperor stated, quickly erasing any doubt that that asshole had a vendetta against humankind. “His suggestion was that you be made a spectacle of, perhaps by placing you in a cage and displaying you in the front hall for visiting nobles and the like to view.”

An instant feeling of nausea came over Gavin. He felt absolutely sick to his stomach. Ashryn was beyond just a dick, he had to be some sort of sadistic demon. The suggestion that a living, breathing, intelligent creature be caged and put on show like some kind of zoo animal was abhorrent. Gavin could hardly even believe what he was hearing.

“Your majesty, forgive me, but doesn’t that seem a bit excessive?” Gavin heard Rael ask incredulously. What was with that guy? Not ten minutes ago he was yelling at Gavin and standing up for his alteon soldier buddy. Now all of a sudden he supposedly cared about what happened to Gavin? It just didn’t make any sense.

The Emperor gave a small shrug. “I don’t know, some of my advisors seemed to like that idea. They believe that if Gavin Stone isn’t properly made an example of, then more and more humans will think they can get away with crossing alteons.”

What was Gavin supposed to do? Should he try to stand up for himself, to excuse what he’d done? Would it even matter? He had committed the crime, that much was fact. So would any excuses even make a difference? He tried to read the Emperor’s face, to look for some kind of sign that he would be understanding, but the man had an expression that was virtually unreadable. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

-

Of course, of course Ashryn would advocate for some cruel, antiquated punishment for Gavin. It was obvious the guy had some inexplicable resentment towards humans, certainly more than Rael had ever had. He’d been of the opinion that they were inferior, fairly irritating creatures, but never would have gone out of his way to ensure they suffer. Ashryn, on the other hand, seemed eager to see Gavin endure the worst.

And what was worse? The Emperor hadn’t immediately dismissed Ashryn’s suggestion. How could he even consider it? Surely he would never subject even the worst alteon criminal to the humiliation and indignity that would come from being locked in a cage and put on display. Yes Gavin was human, but he was still an intelligent, sentient being. He didn’t deserve to be treated like an attraction.

But what could Rael do? He was in no position to question the Emperor; doing so would be suicide for the reputation he’d worked so hard to achieve. He had to wonder whether the information that Gavin had in fact been hired to steal from the diplomat would impact the Emperor’s decision.

Gavin himself seemed pretty convinced that that bit of information wouldn’t change anything, so it was doubtful that he’d speak up about it. Rael wasn’t convinced. Surely if the Emperor knew Gavin had just been used by somebody else, he would be less harsh with the punishment he issued.

Rael couldn’t speak up about it. He had already taken a great risk with his previous comment. Continuing to speak out of turn in favor of a human criminal could end up reflecting horribly on him. The Emperor may begin to question his loyalty. Rael couldn’t put that all on the line for the sake of a human of all people...right?

The memory of Gavin’s fear-stricken face flashed through Rael’s mind. He cringed internally at the mental image. Gavin had clearly had some level of trust in him, the look of betrayal he’d worn made that much evident. When Rael had used his far greater size and strength to scare the human into submission, he’d shattered any trust that may have developed between them. He had taken the side of Ashryn, someone he hated, rather than risk his status by standing up for Gavin.

Yes, what Rael had done had been the right thing to ensure his reputation remained in good standing. But if it had been the right thing to do, then why did Rael feel so miserable about it?

“If you have something to say on the matter, you have my permission to speak up,” the Emperor told Rael, clearly sensing his hesitation.

“I can’t say anything, I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to risk it for some human!” one part of Rael’s mind insisted, but he was finding that voice was quickly becoming quieter and quieter.

While it was difficult for him to believe he could make such a profound difference, Rael couldn’t help but worry that what he said next could seal Gavin’s fate one way or the other. The Emperor was watching, waiting for a response. Rael had to make up his mind. “Yes, your majesty. I have information concerning Lady Elyth’s stolen ring.”

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Shipped (Colby Brock Imagine)

Summary: *REQUEST* Omg your requests are open!! Can you do something about colby and reader dating in secret and she’s always hyping him up on everything and fans just think it’s cause they are best friends. But she posts a post wearing the love for hire letterman on accident and the fans connected it because Kat and Tara have it to so they figure out they are dating and go crazy (in a good way) for them 🥺❤️

Written: 2020

Word Count: 1,967

Warnings: Major fluff, Swearing

Masterlist

I harassed Colby into letting me listen to their new music. Let’s just say, when you guys hear this, you’re going to be glad One Direction is on a break. Can’t help but stan L4H!! #numeber1fan

I press "send tweet" before plugging in my phone and taking a quick shower. When I get out of the shower I grab my phone and throw myself onto Colby’s bed. It’s our bed at this point. I spend more time at the trap house than I do my apartment, I might as well move in. I go and read the comments under my tweet. Most of them are good. Some fans want me to leak the boys' music, others are freaking out over mine and Colby’s friendship. Someone makes it a point to mention how cute Colby and I would be as a couple and linked an edit that they made. Someone commented that fans like them, the one that posted the edit, are the problem and the reason why Colby doesn’t have any friends who are girls. There is a whole fight going on under that comment.

I quickly try to defuse the situation between the fans before exiting twitter altogether. I take my towel off of my damp hair and walk back into Colby’s bathroom to detangle it. When I finish doing my hair I grab the first jacket of Colby’s that I see to get warm. Lucky for me, it’s his Love for Hire lettermen jacket. For whatever reason, this jacket is more comfortable than any hoodie I’ve stolen during our entire relationship, maybe it’s because it smells strongly like him. Or maybe it’s because I get to finally live out my high school dream of wearing my boyfriend’s lettermen. Either way, Colby knows that this is my jacket now and he’s going to have to fight me to the death for it back. I don’t know if it’s because I freshly showered and my hair is fluffy, or because my skin is thanking me for not putting makeup on it yet, but something is compelling me to take a selfie in Colby’s bathroom mirror.

I get up on to the counter and try to position myself comfortably. I take a few selfies, while carefully not exposing Colby’s messy counter. I do cute poses with peace signs and my tongue sticking out. I do serious “model” poses with hair looking like I’m in a photoshoot. I take a couple and post them on my Instagram story. I triple check each one before pressing send to make sure they end up on my close friends’ list and not my public story. That would be disastrous. I saw how people were acting in the comments of my tweet supporting Colby when a fan posted an edit wishing we were dating. I can’t imagine how his fan base would react if they knew we really are dating and have been for well over a year.

Well, I can imagine how they would react, I’ve been around Colby long enough to figure out how his fanbase functions. Most of his fans would be supportive. Of the majority, there would be roughly half who constantly would show their support over our relationship. The other half would keep quiet and try not to mention it directly so they don’t “jinx” it. No matter how open Colby is with his fans, there is still so much of his life that he has to keep private from the rest of his fans who wouldn’t be supportive of our relationship. The obsessive ones who think that Colby is a toy and belongs to only them. In all honesty, Colby and I probably would have been together longer if it wasn’t for them. We probably wouldn’t have been friends. There was a period in his life when he wouldn’t make any new female friends because of what his old friends had to go through. Because of that, Colby has always been protective of me.

Even though we’ve been friends since he moved to Los Angles, he only introduced me to his fandom two years ago. Even then, it wasn’t like, boom: “here’s a girl that I’m friends with, be nice!” Colby made sure I was properly acclimated to his side of internet stardom by having me appear in all of his other friends’ videos and photos first before a strand of my hair was placed in one of his videos. And then he said, “here’s a girl that I’m friends with, be nice!” Being a Youtuber myself, I have some experience with fandoms. But nothing could prepare me for his intense fans. For the first couple of months after Colby put me on his channel, I understood why Colby kept so many of girl friends in the dark or why some chose to stop being friends with Colby in general. It’s only a select few fans, but when there are so many comments of harassment and death threats it can get overwhelming.

Those comments died down after a while though. Mostly because I either mute certain words from my comments or I don’t read them. Colby and I try really hard to hide our relationship. If we’re in videos together, we don’t sit too close. We keep our hands to ourselves; even a simple hand on the shoulder can cause a frenzy. We only post our couple pictures on our actual secret Instagram accounts and close friends list. Our friends know not to post anything where we might look too much like a couple. We make it a point to bicker like siblings whenever we do work together. Hell, the reason I still have my apartment is to avoid people finding out we’re dating. If I have my own place, people just think I’m visiting the guys whenever I’m over. And it works, everyone just assumes that we’re really close friends.

“I’m back and I bring food!” Colby yells as he opens the door to the room. I plug my dying phone back into the charger before abandoning it in the bathroom to greet Colby.

“Oh thank God, I was beginning to think you were with your hoes. But then I ran into Sam, Jake, and Corey in the kitchen so I relaxed.” I give Colby a quick kiss and help him with the shopping bags in his hand. I set them on the bed and start going through them.

“I wish, but they were too busy for me. So I went and got us stuff for this weekend.” Colby sets the food down and helps me unload the bags.

“Oh that reminds me, we need to stop by my place after dinner so I can pack my things.” Te whole friend group is renting a log cabin in woods for Thursday to Monday morning for bonding and to get a few collars done. Colby went and got a few road trip snacks without me. Probably because I would get distracted at Target and we would never leave. It’s fine, he remembered to get my favorite snacks.

“Yeah, okay, I figured. We could have gone earlier but I had to let you sleep in after you spent all night watching tiktoks.” Colby walks over to the couch and starts to set up our lunch in front of the tv.

“To be fair, I’m not responsible for the time lost when I’m on the tok. Besides, I learned more dances to teach you!” I take off Colby’s jacket and set it at the foot of the bed before joining Colby on the couch.

“Of course you did. You know how much I love learning a new TikTok dance every day.” Colby jokes before kissing my forehead. He hands me my food and turns on Netflix.

A few minutes into our show, there’s a loud, rapid knock at the door. Annoyed, Colby paused the show and puts his food down.

“What?” Colby asks as he gets up to open the door. Sam stands on the other side, relieved. The last time Sam knocked on the door like that, Colby and I were busy… rearranging furniture.

“Oh Colby, you’re home. But I’m not here for you. Y/N, did you mean to post that on your story?” Colby moves aside to let Sam in.

“Haha, Sammy, I’m not falling for that one. Colby already tried that on me last week.” I go back to eating my food and ignore Sam.

“No, I’m being serious. Katrina said she kept trying to reach you but you’re not answering. Fans are freaking out on twitter.”

“Oh shit!” I quickly put down my food and grab my phone in the bathroom. There are miss calls and texts from Kat, Tara, and Devyn. I unlock my phone and open Instagram to check my story. Sure enough, I accidentally sent one of my selfies to my main story instead of my close friends. The selfie looks harmless enough, except I’m wearing Colby’s jacket and it’s very obvious that I’m in his bathroom. Jake moved in some of the cardboard Colby’s into Colby’s room and one of them faces the mirror, you can kind of see it in the selfie. Most people might think nothing of it, but earlier this week Kat and Tara posted pictures of them wearing Sam and Jake’s jackets. With that association alone, everyone is going to find out.

“I don’t get it, there’s only a selfie on here. Did you already delete it?” Colby yells from the bedroom. I slowly walk out of the bathroom with a confused look on his face.

“Please tell me you’re joking.” I open up my story and check how many people have seen it.

“What, I’m lost… Oh… Oh! Oh, fuck!” Colby finally gets it and does something on his phone.

“‘Oh fuck’ is right. So many people took screenshots that even if I deleted it now, it would be pointless.” I walk to the bed and throw myself facedown, like a teen in a movie after having a shitty day at school.

“And you guys are trending on Twitter,” Sam says. I almost forgot he was still here.

“Dude,” Colby warns.

“Not helpful, I get it. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” Sam leaves the room and I let out a scream as soon as I hear the door close. I feel the spot next to me sink as Colby sits down and starts rubbing my back.

“Hey, Y/N, these aren’t as bad as you think. I’m only seeing positive messaged. Look,” Colby gently pats my back to get my attention.

“Really? Let me see.” I sit up, sniffle, and peek at Colby’s phone as he reads.

“Are you crying?” Colby asks as he wipes my face.

“I immediately got overwhelmed. Let me read the tweets.” I take Colby’s phone scroll through the tweets. He’s right, they’re mostly positive. I haven’t seen a negative tweet yet. That’s the opposite of how I thought this would go. A few people are telling other fans to stop assuming, but even those are calm compared to the fight I saw earlier.

“See, I guess we were stressed all this time for no reason. We can do normal couple things like our friends and not go out of our way to hide everything.”

“That’ll be nice. It was getting exhausting. What do we do now? How do you want to approach this? Live stream? Youtube video?” I look at Colby and he has a big smile on his face.

“Right now, let’s just finish lunch. We can deal with this later. Now, I’m going to take this back. I don’t want you to start crying again.” Colby strokes my hair and kisses my forehead.

“I love you, Colbs,” I say softly.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

[luxekook]

chapter seven.

⇥ pairing: ot7 x reader

⇥ genre: college au with fluff, smut & angst

⇥ summary: a series in which the reader meets (and falls for) seven members of the Beta Tau Sigma (BTS) fraternity

⇥ word count: 3.6k

⇥ warnings: 18+, lots of cursing, general chaotic energy, poly relationship, a short confrontation, mentions of slut-shaming, switch!reader, dom!joon, switch!jin, sub!jimin, library shenanigans, an abundance of coffee, punishments, spanking, bad puns (jin is in this chapter, DUH), many nerd references uwu

© luxekook. please do not repost, modify, edit or translate.

characters | prologue | one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

Chapter Seven

Quinn Library – 3:54pm

The end of September passes in a blur of studying, partying, volunteering, and spending time with friends. The month’s conclusion also includes the increasing presence of seven boys in my everyday routine.

Since giving Taehyung the suck of his life in the bathroom of Hannigan’s, I have been basically fighting off the seven of them for a moment to breathe. But, sometimes breathing is overrated when being smothered by affection.

Going from being single to essentially dating seven people is quite the adjustment. I found myself growing attached to them – something that both excited and scared the shit out of me. We haven’t discussed labels or anything, but I figure it’s only a matter of time. The boys have apparently been planning an elaborate first date for this upcoming weekend, and I feel like they’ll probably ask to make it official then.

My stomach erupts in butterflies at the thought, and I take a calming breath. No need to overthink such things.

While it might be unconventional by some societal standards, polyamory is simply a way to love. Why should love come with confines? With binary expectations? The saying ‘love is love’ gets thrown around a lot, but I believe it bears repeating.

Jenni and Luna have been nothing but supportive to me over the past two weeks. They even came with me to volunteer this past weekend because they - and I quote - wanted to ‘check out our vibe’. But, I wholeheartedly expect that the real reason had actually been for them to feel out the boys’ intentions.

Why did I suspect this? Well, because Jungkook had come up to me within the first fifteen minutes at the worksite quivering in fear over how ‘scary my friends were’ and how ‘Jenni had cornered him to interrogate him while Luna hovered behind her, menacingly holding a nail-gun’.

I had never felt more loved and supported by my friends.

My phone dings, and I quickly hasten to put it on silent, shooting an embarrassed and apologetic look around the library. It seems like most people have headphones in, and I let out a sigh of relief. No one wants to be that one loud person in the library.

Checking my notifications, I smile when I see it’s a SnapChat from Hobi in the group chat the boys created a few weeks ago. My thumb swipes it open, and I barely contain myself from announcing to the whole library how vibrantly handsome one of my potential boyfriends is.

I quickly send a SnapChat back of me and my stack of books in the library with the caption ‘send help in the form of coffee’.

Immediately, Taehyung sends a flurry of heart eyes emojis in the chat, Jungkook sends a ‘noona is so cute’, and Yoongi sends back a picture of a black screen with the caption ‘come nap with me’.

God, I would love to nap with Yoongi right now… Alone time with the older boy is so elusively precious. One day last week at their house, I had mentioned wanting to learn piano. Yoongi had just grabbed my hand and tugged me to his room. We had spent a couple hours together in the small corner of his room playing on his keyboard.

Well, he had been playing; I had been fumbling around like a buffoon - half uncoordinated in general and half flustered by how good Yoongi looked playing. His hands had been so nimble as they flew over the keys, crafting melodies I could only assume he had composed. His focus had been so fucking hot as he nodded slightly along to the tempo in his head, his eyes shooting over to look at me every once in a while.

My hand kink? Activated.

My willpower to not kiss the shit out of Yoongi? Nonexistent.

When Yoongi had paused in between songs, I may or may not have grabbed him by his shirt collar and kissed him. His blushing attempt to dodge me had been so cute; and when I had stopped trying to kiss him, he had pouted and then kissed me instead.

What a cutie…

A giggle draws my attention from my reminiscing. At first, I pay it no mind, taking it as a directive to dive back into my studies. But then, the whispering starts.

“I heard she’s fucking her way through the whole house.”

“Isn’t there a term for that?”

“Yeah, a frat rat.”

I slam my 500-page textbook closed and stand, leveling the duo of gossiping girls with a glare that could make grown men cry. It had before when I had to properly eviscerate my uncle in defense of feminism at our last family gathering. What a time that had been.

“Is there a problem?” I force the question through gritted teeth, stalking over towards their nearby table. I relish in the way they gape at me, eyes wide and pupils quivering, “I’m sorry. I’m afraid my complaint jar is at capacity. Please don’t try again later.”

The girl on the right gulps, “No-nope, there’s no problem! We were just leaving. Right, Janika?”

“No,” The girl who had called me a ‘frat rat’ just moments before crosses her arms and stands, “I do, like, have a problem.”

“Janika,” The other girl tugs on the sleeve of the one standing, “Don’t.”

“Yeah, Janika,” I smile, “Don’t.”

I can see the moment she snaps.

“You’re, like, such a fucking bitch! I don’t know what they all see in you. Oh wait, yes I do. You’re fucking easy.”

I consider myself to be a patient person, but having to endure this type of rant against my character - and against women’s sexual freedom in general - has pushed me well past my limits.

“Now, listen here, Janika,” I take another step forward, “You can keep talking your shit. I really don’t give a flying fuck what you think about me. But I really advise you to google ‘how to stop slut-shaming for dummies’ because it seems like you need a crash course.”

Janika’s face darkens, “Whatever. They’ll get tired of you anyway.”

“Yeah,” I let out an amused laugh, “I’m sure they’ll get real tired of me choking on their dicks every night.”

Letting out a gasp, Janika whirls back around to face her silent friend, “Let’s go. I don’t want to, like, be around her any longer.”

“Buh-bye now,”I wiggle my fingers in their direction as they shuffle out of the library.

Smiling in satisfaction, I head back towards my table. Without hesitation, I gather my books and belongings and head upstairs to the quiet floor. Any more distractions or confrontations would probably make my blood pressure pop off the charts.

The quiet floor, as one of my safe havens, is home to several small private study rooms. Peering into each, I start to lose hope that any would be available. Finally, the very last room proves me wrong, and I swing open the door and almost in tears over the sweet, sweet solitude.

This particular study room is tucked away in the very far corner of the library’s second floor. Not many people are aware of its location, and it seems that paid off for me today. Plopping my things down across the table in the center of the tiny room, I follow suit and drop down into one of the two chairs adjoining the table.

What a clusterfuck of an afternoon… This sadly isn’t the first time I’ve heard some comments being made about my association with the BTS boys, and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. Yet, part of me knew all along that this would be the trade-off.

After all, what are a few irrelevant opinions to seven gorgeous and loyal partners? Inconsequential - in my opinion. That is the reason why I haven’t breathed a word of the backlash to anyone.

Sighing, I flip open my textbook to where I had been before being rudely interrupted.

The amygdala plays a key role in emotion and behavior…

“Noona?”

I jump a half-mile out of my chair, slapping a hand over my pounding heart. Jimin had somehow managed to enter the room without my knowledge. Had he fucking teleported?

Holding a giant iced coffee in one hand and a cinnamon bun in the other, Jimin beams at me and ignores the fact he just scared the living shit out of me. “Hi, noona! I saw your SnapChat while I was in class, and I came here as soon as I could.”

I stare dumbfounded at the angel before me. Jimin is slightly out of breath with reddened cheeks and a sweaty brow. His black track-pants are slung low on his hips, his long-sleeve white t-shirt clings to his torso, his black duffle bag thrown carelessly over one shoulder. He must have run over straight from dance class.

Standing abruptly, I stalk over to where Jimin is still posted up by the doorway to the study room. Toe to toe with him, I blurt out while still half in a daze, “You really brought me coffee and food?”

He eyes me warily like I might suddenly jump on him at any moment. Shifting his weight back and forth, Jimin hesitantly replies, “Um, yes?"

I take the coffee and cinnamon bun from his hands, place them on the table, and then tackle him with the biggest hug. "You absolute sweetheart!" I murmur into the crook of his neck, "This made my day. Thank you, Jimin-ie."

His hands tentatively wrap around me, pulling me closer. "You're welcome, noona. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“Well, I really appreciate it, baby,” My lips brush over the crevice of his collarbone and relish in his shudder. Bringing my head up to face his, I smile widely at him, “Can I kiss you, Jimin-ie?”

“Yes,” He sighs out, eyes already closing in anticipation. I press my lips to his, still smiling softly against his mouth. His lips are plush under mine, velvety soft. My tongue swipes across his bottom lip and— Is that coffee I taste?

I pull back, “Jimin, did you sip my coffee on your way here?”

The boy looks rightfully alarmed, “I– y-yes. But only a little, noona!”

Cute.

“Hmm,” I trail my fingers down his chest, “I guess I’ll make an exception for you this time since you were the one to bring it for me.”

Jimin relaxes slightly, but his expression is strangely disappointed. I stare at him quizzically, and he blushes.

“What is it?” I lean against the table, facing him.

He clears his throat, staring intensely at the ground, “You can still punish me if you want, (y/n)-noona.”

My eyebrows shoot upwards at his offer, and then I let out a slight chuckle, “Oh, Jimin… That would be a favor to you, wouldn’t it? My baby boy wants to be punished, hm? Did dance practice make you all hot and bothered? Jungkook tells me that has been happening to you lately.”

Jimin’s face explodes in color as he mutters, “That little bitch will pay for this.”

Suddenly, the door swings open with a resounding thud, nearly clipping Jimin in the shoulder.

“Your savior has arrived!” Kim Seokjin announces loudly in spite of the studiously silent atmosphere of the quiet floor. His hands hold two steaming hot travel mugs, which I can only guess are filled with the elixir of the gods (aka coffee).

Seokjin’s eyes glance around the room as he takes in the fact that I’m not alone as he obviously had expected. “Wait, Jimin-ie? What are you doing here?” Jin’s eyes flick down to the coffee and cinnamon roll that lay on the table. “Goddamn it!”

“You were too slow, hyung,” Jimin smirks happily as he takes a seat in the chair I had previously vacated. He slouches smugly as he stares up at the fuming older boy.

“Too slow?!” Jin roars.

“Jin,” I chastise, circumventing around him to shut the door.

“Sorry, babe,” Seokjin says while still glaring daggers at the all-too-pleased Jimin. Suddenly, his expression changes into a sneaky look that makes me both want to run and jump his bones. “Well,” He waves the two coffee mugs around in the air, “I made these myself - with love. I didn’t buy that generic shit; I brewed it, baby.”

It’s Jimin’s turn again to look disgruntled, and I can’t help but laugh at their antics.

“Any and all coffee is appreciated and loved by me – the more the merrier. So, thank you both,” You say, taking one of the travel mugs from Seokjin. Kissing his cheek, you turn back to sit opposite Jimin at the table.

“She kissed me on the lips!” Jimin bursts.

“Park Jimin!” I cry as Jin splutters some sort of incoherent rant about fairness and equality.

Jimin holds eye contact with me, still leaning back in his chair like he’s the king of the fucking universe. But, he’s not; I am.

My chair hits the wall behind me with a bang as I stand, planting my hands on the table to loom over Jimin. “Do you think it’s fun to push your hyung, Jimin? Does it amuse you to be a little shit?”

I can see the moment that Jimin decides to be a brat. His eyes heat up in a challenge, and he firmly answers, “Yes, noona.”

“Get up.” The change in my tone is apparent. Jimin gulps. Getting to his feet, he stares back at me expectantly.

“Jin,” I address the older boy while still maintaining eye contact with Jimin, “What kind of punishment do you think I should give our Jimin here?”

Seokjin rounds my other side, grinning, “Well, (y/n) darling, I believe he should get spanked.”

“Interesting choice,” I murmur, turning to face Jin, “That’s what you’re going to get then.”

“What?” Jin squawks, arms waving rapidly around in the air, “But I didn’t do anything!”

“Nothing is what you should have done, Jin,” I push him against the wall, “You know better than to let Jimin rile you up like this.”

Those plump lips of his pout dramatically as he whines, “But, (y/n)…”

“But nothing,” I say and then whirl around to face the other boy. He’s still standing where I left him with his eyes glued to the pair of us. “Jimin,” I hold his gaze, “You’re going to watch. You’re not going to touch yourself, your hyung isn’t going to touch you, and I’m not going to touch you.”

His eyes widen comically, “No! That’s not fair!”

“Do you want to be gagged, too, baby boy?” I ask, cocking my head slightly. Seeing his emphatic head shakes, I grin. “That’s what I thought. Now, stay.”

Turning back to Jin, I smirk slightly as I ask, “Punishment now or later?”

Seokjin’s eyes scrunch cutely in confusion, “What?”

“You see,” I move closer to him, my body brushes his, “I think you earned a punishment, but I think you also earned helping me punish Jimin.”

A wide grin crosses Jin’s face as he glances back at the corner Jimin is stewing in. “I would be honored to help you punish him, babe.”

“That’s what I figured,” I smile briefly at him before slowly sliding my hands up his chest to rest on the nape of his neck. Holding them there, I press the lightest of kisses to the corner of his lips.

Jin’s breath hitches in his throat.

I run my tongue against the seam of his mouth, taking my time and savoring the sweet taste of him. His lips part to let me in, my tongue sliding across his. I grind against him as we kiss, moving my hips in such a way that makes him groan and lean back harder against the wall.

“What the fuck is going on in here?”

Ripping my mouth from Jin’s, I turn to face the newcomer.

Namjoon stands in the doorway holding yet another cup of coffee, his face thunderous. "What do the three of you think you're doing? This is the goddamn library, you heathens!”

Seokjin jumps out of his skin in fright, pushing me away faster than I can anticipate. Stumbling back, I crash into Jimin – who apparently had ventured out of his assigned corner. Brat.

“The shades were open!” Namjoon continues to rant as he flicks the aforementioned item down to cover the door’s window, “Did you want people to see you?”

He reads the expression on my face correctly, “Oh, but you did, didn’t you, (y/n)?” Namjoon approaches where I’m still captured in Jimin’s embrace. Glaring down at me, he taunts, “So quick to stake your claim; but, make no mistake, they were mine first.”

Shaking out of Jimin’s hold, I straighten, raising my chin to meet Namjoon’s gaze full-on, “That’s interesting. I didn’t realize you were so lenient with your partners.”

Jimin makes a choking noise behind me. Jin stands behind Namjoon, waving a hand in front of his throat to clearly tell me to stop talking. I keep going, “Perhaps I need to teach you how to discipline.”

Namjoon flips me around, shoves Jimin out of the way, and bends me facedown across the table.

“Jin,” He says, his voice growly, “Stand in the hall and let me know if you can hear us.”

The sound of the door opening and closing alerts me that Jin followed Namjoon’s instructions without a word.

“Jimin,” He continues, “Hold (y/n)’s hands out in front of her.” Jimin ascquieces, staring apologetically down at me as he tugs my hands towards him.

“This is cute,” I say, “I always love holding Jimin-ie’s hands.”

Thwack. The stinging imprint of Namjoon’s palm on my ass burns deliciously. I arch my back, looking over my shoulder at him with a half-smile. “Do it harder, daddy.”

A breath sucks in between his lips as I utter the word I know will get him feeling as hot as me. “You’re playing a dangerous game, baby girl,” Namjoon grits out, his jaw clenched tightly.

“Oh, daddy,” I say, “Don’t you remember? I’m the fucking Queen.”

“Was that a chess pun? Nice.” A muffled voice followed by a squeaky laugh sounds through the door.

“Seokjin,” Namjoon seethes, flying over to open the door and drag the older boy back inside, “I thought I told you to let me know if you could hear us.”

I tug out of Jimin’s gentle hold, straighten back up, and then situate myself into a sitting position on the table.

I watch amusedly as Jin shimmies his way out of Joon’s grasp, “Yah! It’s not my fault I get intense FOMO. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. Besides, I only heard you because I had my ear pressed to the door.”

Jimin stifles a giggle. I let out a full-on laugh. Namjoon mumbles what sounds like a plea to some higher power under his breath.

“See what I have to deal with?” Namjoon turns to me, shaking his head. “Are you sure you want to sign up for this?”

“That depends,” I swing my legs back and forth as I stay perched on the table, “Are you going to keep spanking me?”

The boy who had just unhesitatingly bent me over to punish me now blushes and rubs the back of his neck. “I mean, probably? You have quite a mouth on you, baby.”

Hopping off the table, I laugh, “Good answer. Ten points to Gryffindor.”

“Woo!” Jin cheers, “Nice job on the House Points, Joon-ie!”

“I am in love with idiots,” Jimin sighs.

Grabbing my phone from my backpack, I let out a slight yell as I read the time. “Shit, shit, shit, shit!” I scramble to shove all of my textbooks back into my bag.

“What is it, noona?” Jimin worries, appearing next to me. “Are you late for class?”

“No,” I cry, “It’s so much worse. I’m late for my weekly Animal Crossing discord chat! Heath is gonna kill me…”

“Heath?” Jin scowls, “Who is this Heath you speak of?”

“Chill, fam,” I shrug my backpack onto my shoulders and stare contemplatively down at the three different coffees. “You can’t get jealous every time I mention a new person. What’s next? You’re gonna come for Tom Nook?”

Namjoon - who must play Animal Crossing - stifles a laugh as Jin pouts. “She has a point, Jin.”

“And so does a pencil. Big whoop,” Jin scowls with his arms folded.

“Aw, Seokjin-ie,” I coo, reaching over to pinch his cheek, “Don’t be mad. You’ll get to spend all day with me on Saturday after volunteering! What are we doing, anyways?” I level Joon with my best side-eye as I ask that question, knowing he is more likely than not the mastermind behind our planned date.

“It’s going to be great, noona!” Jimin pipes up, hugging me from the side, “You’re going to love it…You’re going to love us.” He murmurs the last part, probably not meaning for me to hear; but, I do.

God, I do.

“We’ll pick you up before volunteering,” Joon says, “Just bring yourself and a change of clothes.”

“What?” I decide - fuck it - and attempt to grab all three coffees, “No overnight bag?”

Jin, who had just taken a sip of his own coffee, spews it everywhere. “Pack one,” He gasps out in between coughs.

Laughing, I walk to the door, which Jimin kindly opens for me. “Okay, I’ll think about it. Ah, I’m so late. Jimin and Jin, I’ll punish you at a later time. Joon, you can try to punish me at a later time.” Living for their astonished expressions, I wave as best I can with three coffees in hand, “Bye, babes! Text me-e-e.”

As I make my way out of the library, it hits me that I only have one more day to prepare for this date. Fucking hell…

a/n: this is such a filler of a chap with a tinge of drama mixed in, hehe. the next one is gonna be that date tho uwu stay tuuuuuuned and thanks 4 reading

taglist: @catsandstrawberries @h5naaa @meowmeowyoongles @leftflowerprunedonut @rjsmochii @athletes-of-god @karissassirak @cage7241​ @weallhavesecretsinthebestway @cvbachacbitch @honeyspillings @valiantcollectorofsandwiches @fivesecondsofsarang @oii-f-eli-x2 @joonsroses @theevilyouknow @jooniescupcakes @expensive-grl @i-dont-even-know-fck @doingmybestalltheftime @fangirling-all-the-way-tbh @laced-brds @breeeeh17 @lpayne612 @peachyharmoney @rilakoya @chulchuchi @tabula-rasa0 @guccishookv @nomimits7 @i-like-puppy-mg @s-noir @anna-sorel @im-a-space-child @yeontanismypresident @drowning-in-oxygen @team-wang-puppy @lvvegood @anongirl007 @may114 @r-e-d-i-s-h @unatempesta-dipensieri @dragon-rider-with-a-book​ @blueberrygeniejam @wondrsblog @vi-hoshi @kirbykook​ @katemwatson​ @kawaiikpoplover268​ @amsteramyy​ @sami4life @a-feeling-of-euphoria​ @the-jackals​ @bubbletae7​ @platinum-grenade​ @bunnyboyenthusiast @brightly-byun @oofmeintheheadpls​ @sadboibts @lidda​ @goldenwidow3​ @t-mel19​ @lmkjimin​ @psiphidragon​ @jeon-joker​ @sathom013​ @lustremyg @ggsmashgg​ @justyouraveragerando​ @shadowstark​ @our-little-meow-meow @baby-hobii @toddsgirl27​ @mythicalmeep​ @asifetch7​ @kassandravictoria​ @eltrain80 @briannasthings​ @bumblekey93​ @ohmwreckr @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​ @softchimmee​ @kookoo-kachoo​ @lenuminous​ @ass-hole-in-one​ @peaches-422​ @spacejooon​ @sleepyje0n​ @uxwi​ @tellmeyoulovemepls​ @yady24​ @lovesick-heart0​ @redirect-min​ @hopetookourvibe​ @noonaduck​ @mini-coop25​ @multifandomgirl29​ @rhd31​ @yoongixvevo​ @sweetnspicy93​ @kuppyjiminie​ @love-and-other-possibilities​ @fuckyouandtheboatyoucamein @rvnchr4nd4​ @geminidrawsstuff​ @livorna​ @naajix​ @minjoonhome​

another a/n: if u asked to be added to the taglist and u did not get tagged, u might be one of the couple ppl that i couldn’t tag [check ur settings, fam!]

[entityskillcount-archive]

Thoughts on everyone in the realms?

"Short Answer; I made a chart. Not a well drawn chart, mind you, but a chart. Sometimes you don't wanna put effort into drawing 50 something faces"

"Long answer, uh....well lemme go down the list"

Claudette: My Starflower~!! She's so sweet and kind and amazing in trials and every time I see her I swoon a little- I love her so much~ Dwight: He's cute- And he's a good leader, despite his nervous personality, he knows how to bring a group together. Final guy potential. Ash: ....Don't...Tell him I said this? But uh....Evil Dead was one of my biggest comfort series, the thing that got me through losing both my parents....the thing that helped me transition, pick my name, and fueled my FX hobby. And I'm still attached, even realizing he's a real person and all- But...it's weird to just, be upfront with something like that, so I'm just...burying it as best as I can. David: He's a little rough around the edges but he’s good to have in a trial, plus when you can get past the walls, he’s nice to talk to. Kate: Her music by the campfire is calming and she’s such a sweetheart. If we were in a better situation I’d love to learn Guitar from her, but, it’s hard when you’re a moment away from a trial at any given time. Amalthea (@askthewidowstars OC): She judged my entire vibe but jokes on her I’m the one who snagged a cutie for life- Meg: If I had a dollar for every time she left me for dead I would have enough money to paint the entire campfire in solid gold. The only time we’ve ever properly talked was about SAW traps and 90% of it was her admitting she could beat every single trap because she was ‘built different’  Jeff: He’s a sweetheart and really nice to be around. Sometimes when we’re by the campfire in our downtimes I’ll let him draw on my arm. it kinda makes me want a tattoo, honestly. If we ever get out of here, I might get one. Steve: Bros!! We kinda make up team ‘Altruistic Himbo’, Plus the ‘Babysitter/Brother’ Vibes mesh really well. I kinda wanna re-style his hair though, mostly because it looks fluffy, and nice to play with.  Quentin: Bros!! We’re gonna make matching T-Shirts about committing Arson on Freddy in particular. He’s fun to hang around in our downtime, and I hope there’s a chance he can get some actual rest, even in here. He deserves it. Adam: If Dwight wasn’t the leader I feel like he’d take over the Reigns. I feel like he’s the calm type that doesn’t handle energetic types well though. Which, y’know, makes things hard.  Nea: Anytime I see her she’s either sneaking around the map and watching everyone get killed, or doing something stupid to get herself killed. I’d get grey hair if We were actually friends.  Feng: Gamer bros- I got to find out we actually played a lotta the same stuff before we were taken by the Entity. We get a chance to nerd out in between trials- Laurie: Best Final Girl hands down. I kinda hope she can teach me Decisive Strike one day- I feel like its also just a little awkward since again, still a fan of Myers Nancy: She doesn’t agree that Demo’s a good boy, which makes sense, but we but heads over it. Also I’m pretty sure she wants me dead for touching the bones around the map one too many times. They’re just too tempting.... Jake: He’s pretty quiet, but he’s helpful in trials. I heard he’s been to a convention a few times, but I don’t think he’s actually into it as much as I thought...Which kinda sucks. I’d love more cosplay buddies y’know? Yui: Kinda makes me want a motorbike. We don’t talk but she seems really cool. A little too cool to me around if that makes sense.  Yun-Jin: She benefits off of throwing everyone else under the bus. And 90% of the time she will throw everyone under the bus. Even if she needs actual help to escape the trial.  Cheryl: Cheryylll!!  She’s really cool and honestly would add her to the ‘Can kill god if she was not nerfed’ Squad. Especially since y’know, she has- I bet if we got enough of the kids together we could just beat the Entity’s ass. I know she could.  Tapp: Always been a fan of Tapp before I was taken, although I feel like he’d wanna arrest me if we weren’t in the Entity’s Realm. I might be a little too excited for my own good about Kramer’s work. I don’t think he’d believe the fact its a movie either.  Ace: He’s kinda like the Uncle of the group around the campfire, but, coming into trials, He’s still for saving his own skin- You can also only stand dad jokes for so long. Especially in an eternity like this.  Leon: He’s cool!!! I got so excited first realizing He and Jill were here, and I wanna get a chance to talk to him about everything that went down, but Haven’t got the chance. He’s nice inside of Trials though, usually doesn’t leave anyone behind. Not a fan of getting blinded though.  Jill: She knows how to lead the trials well, and I look up to her a lot. She’s always been such a badass!!  Bill: If Bill gets his hands on a weapon the entire Realm would be fucked. Badass as hell and Kinda scary. Another one on the list of ‘Entity needed to Nerf’ Felix: You’d think a Childless Father and a Fatherless son would be able to bond a bit more, but, I think we each kinda get the same vibe of homesickness from one another. He’s kind though, and it’s neat to see his work whenever we’re by the campfire.  Elodie: She’s better at helping out than most of the others, but she’s still in a survival of the fittest mindset. I loved hearing about her studies from before she was taken though. I feel like if we had more time we could dig deeper into this whole world and what its about. But we don’t get that- Zarina: We just don’t really click as much, honestly. I’d love to get to know her better but I think she’s more into digging into the killers and what she can find out about this place. Which y’know, could be better done with a team. Sage (@askthewidowstars OC): HUSBAND!!! My husband. I love him to the Moon and back. He’s amazing and I miss him even when we’re five feet apart-  ...I need a hug now-  Amanda: Best girl hands down!! We vibed a lot in between Trials talking about her traps and old designs, she was impressed by my knowledge, and we hang out in Gideon sometimes!   Ghostface: He’s pretty cute- Also fun to be around, even if he’s kind of a dick when he’s actually at work, it’s better when you’re outside of a Trial. It’s also neat to see he’s not just two idiots in a halloween costume and his own person, as much as I love the Scream Series, too-  Leatherface: Bubba!!! Honestly I’d handle being chainsawed. Fuckin Love Bubba-  Huntress: I wanna learn how to throw hatchets but I know I never will. She’s kinda scary, but also I feel like if she could adopt some of the others in the Realms, she totally would.  Oni: The only times I’ve ever really seen him is just before my skull gets bashed in. All I really have associated to him is the splitting headache.  Twins: I’m gonna punt Victor into the sun. I haven’t been good around kids beforehand and this tiny gremlin motherfucker just makes it worse.  Pinhead: I was so excited to see him!! He’s one of the few that talks more often than not in a trial, and he’s always had this air of elegance about him which makes it so much cooler! I’d be tempted to grab the box to solve it, but, at the same time Dwight’s already been hunted. I just...want to see how it works, really. Maybe if I ask nicely? Nah, probably not.  Pyramid Head: He’s so fucking COOL!!! He’s always just been really fucking cool and I still get stars in my eyes. I wanna re-create his weapon one day.  Joey: Joey’s one of the chill killers to be around, probably my favorite amongst the legion. Also Cosplay gang?? Hello? Susie: She’s cute!! I like her vibes whenever there’s not violence involved. I wonder if she’d ever get into costume making, she has the artistic eye for it. I also wonder if she’d ever dye other people’s hair...I’d kinda want green tips one day- Frank: Still wanna throw a palette at him. He’s one of the more serious of the Legion, and usually the one you’d find with a Mori. Not as Serious as Julie but only because he has the cocky god complex to go with it.  Julie:  She’s definitely the most serious out of the Legion. There’s no real rest whenever we’re in a trial against her. Scary as hell and less of a bastard than the other three.  Hillbilly: I know he deserved a lot better than this, especially after hearing more about him. I...Haven’t gotten to see much than the end of his chainsaw though.  Blight: This dude’s singlehandedly bringing back my fear of needles and I thought I lost that with HRT- Also like, dude spits up orange fuckin everywhere.  Michael: My Mans!! I always get a little excited knowing we’re up against him. It’s habit- It’s kinda weird to see him easily affected by like, palettes or flashlights though.  Spirit: She seems like she could be nice when there’s some downtime. I’m also one of the few that can understand her well enough, which probably makes things easier. I found out she’s basically my age when I survived a trial by myself. I’d hope to hang out more sometime. Nemesis: God he’s so fucking tall. Kinda surprised it was Nemesis out of everyone that could’ve been brought, and also, kinda terrified? Still am kinda terrified. I’m surprised he hasn’t just torn up an entire map yet. His zombie minions are also annoying. Wraith: All this motherfucker does is roll up to pull me off Gens and Exist as a problem. I don’t see much of him outside of a Trial. Trapper: Motherfucker Incarnate. If the Entity lets us throw hands I’m fighting him first.  Freddy: ....Gross. I liked the Nightmare on Elm Street series a lot, but...Freddy as a person? Ew. Especially this iteration.  Demogorgon: Demopuppy!! He’s a good boy and he deserves to get treats. Even if the Treats are flesh....I wonder if he likes candy though. Trickster: Pretty!! He also Gives me DIO vibes because of the Jacket and the Knife throwing...Imagine if a killer could stop time...that’d be terrifying. Deathslinger: I wanna sit down and look at his gun more but I also feel like if I ask I’d just get shot on sight. Intimidating as hell but also cool. Mary: ....Still on the very complicated ‘Ex Girlfriend that murdered me’ State. It’s hard to avoid her though. Especially since she wants to get back together since we’re stuck here. Nurse: She does not help my fear of Hospitals, honestly. While she’s easy to go up against, it’s still eugh. Plague: I really, really hate her power. The Sickness and the Vomit is just- Eughhhhh- It just hits every bad sensory issue at once.  Clown: ...I get killers are Killers and aren’t supposed to be good people but also like....Disgusting. Please Remove from the Realm. He’s just- ...Ew.  Doctor: NOPE. NO. NEVER. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

[ijustwant2write]

A Little Secret-Alfie Solomons x OC!Reader (Part 2/?)

(GIF credit to @call-me-nightwing​)

Part 1

Masterlist

Prompts List

Tags: @haphazardhufflepuff @mollybegger-blog @broitsriah @maryan028​ @peakascum​ @captivatedbycillianmurphy @jenepleurepasbaby @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight @haphazardhufflepuff @mzcrazy2

Summary: Izzy has no idea about the protection she is now under, causing her to panic when she spots men lingering outside her house. She needs Alfie’s help, but is hesitant, especially after she disappointed him. He has the power, and Izzy will never deny that.

Characters: Alfie Solomons x OC!Reader, Ollie x OC!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, panic attacks, violence, fighting, arguing, some fluff

                                     *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ollie was fully focused as he drove Izzy home, knowing that the men stationed at her home were already patrolling the area. Her home wasn’t in the safest neighbourhood, but Izzy had never brought up any troubles if she had any. Though when Ollie thought about it, she hardly talked about herself anyway. He really didn’t know who this woman was, only that she had some sort of tie to Alfie, probably the only woman his boss ever spoke about or was seen with.

"Sorry that Mr Solomons made you drop me off." Izzy apologised as they pulled up outside her house.

"Don't worry Izzy, I really didn't mind. Especially after what happened today."

He regretted saying that as he saw the panic appear on her face, cursing to himself when he realised that he was turning onto her street.

"You're safe you know, Alfie wouldn't let anything happen to you." Ollie calmly said.

"Why would something happen to me?"

"Izzy, it won't! Come on, I'll walk you to the door."

"No, don't worry. You've done enough for me Ollie. Good night."

Izzy climbed out of the car, hoping Ollie didn't notice how fast she was walking towards her front door. Her key was already out, and she hastily unlocked the door, but not before quickly waving to Ollie, acting as if everything was alright. As soon as he started driving away, she rushed inside, instantly locking and bolting the door shut (she had multiple locks that helped her sleep at night).

Her breathing was heavy as she practically tiptoed upstairs. She always hated noise, and something had always told her she needed to listen out in case anyone else had sneaked in. Izzy could always hear her neighbours either side of her. On the right, Mr Jeffrey was also alone in his old age, but his footsteps were heavy and dragged along the floor; then there was the Thomas's family, which consisted of a middle aged, married couple (who liked to shout at each other rather than talk) and their four feral children. Sometimes it was nice to know that there were people around her, but when she heard a random bump in the night, it frightened her to the core.

Laying in bed that night, Izzy couldn't stop her mind from flashing back to the events of that day. It had only just started to sink in. First the random man following her, humiliating herself in front of Mr Solomons and his business partners, all before someone was shot. It was supposed to be like any other day. Why was today different? Why was Izzy caught up in something like this when she had never done anything wrong?

The young woman bolted upright when she heard a cough outside. It was a simple cough, but who would be out at this time? There was actually a lot of explanations for that. It could be a homeless man, someone coming home from the pub. However, it still put Izzy on edge, and she just knew she had to check to put her mind at ease. Sliding out of bed, Izzy got onto all fours, crawling towards her window. Ever so slowly, she peaked through her curtains whilst on her knees, spotting a man stood in her back yard. Gasping, she fell back to the floor again, instantly beginning to panic. Izzy was too scared to move, but knew she had to get to the phone, even though it was downstairs. Continuing to crawl, she made it to the stairs, finally standing and going down the stairs as silently, but quickly as possible. She was extremely grateful that Alfie had installed a phone into the house as she reached up towards it, sitting on the cold floor beside the table it was set on.

Waiting for Alfie to pick up, Izzy prayed for some sort of noise from either neighbour, something to reassure her that they were awake and she could rush over there if needs be. Alfie still hadn’t answered when a shadow passed over her, casted from the small window in her front door. Her hand slapped over her mouth to silence her whimpers, trying to think of things in her house that could be used as a weapon. Were these men associates of the man who had been shot? What if they wanted revenge, so they were using her to get back at Alfie? 

“Who the fuck is this?” Alfie’s voice startled Izzy.

“Mr Solomons, there are two men at my house!” she exclaimed through a whisper. 

“There’s actually four Izzy.” he moaned, still half asleep.

“What?”

“I put them there, didn’t I?”

“W-why?”

“Just a precaution.”

Izzy hesitantly stood, staying close to the phone.“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Look, Izzy, it’s...it’s fucking three in the morning luv, I can’t think straight right now. We’ll talk about this later.”

Alfie put down the phone, leaving Izzy shocked with her mouth wide open. Although angry, she carefully put the phone back, only to yelp out when there was a knock at the door, despite it being soft. She opened it only by a crack, recognising one of Alfie’s men that dealt with anyone causing trouble for his boss.

“You alright miss?” he asked, his cockney accent think like Alfie’s.

Izzy just nodded, closing the door before he could say anything else. As she slumped off to bed again (dreading having to get up so early for work now she had less sleep), she thought of all the things she could scream in Mr Solomons’ face; however, that wasn’t going to happen, never in a million years. He would call her into his office, explain his reasons then send her away again. It was just easier that way.

No one noticed how tired Izzy looked that morning, though that was because she kept to herself as usual. Her eyes were bleary, straining when she checked through the documents she needed to fill out. Why was the writing always so small? Izzy distracted herself with the work load, wondering if Mr Solomons had forgotten about the call earlier that morning, or whether he just didn’t care. Either reason was fine with her, it meant not having to blush profusely in front of him whilst he explained himself.

“Izzy-”

She almost dropped the clipboard in her hands as Ollie showed up behind her. He held his hands up in surrender, backing away slightly as she caught her breath.

“What’s shaken you up?”

Izzy raised an eyebrow at him before looking back down at her papers.

“Oh right, sorry. Been so busy I just forgot about that and....” his words trailed off when he realised she wasn’t listening properly.“Mr Solomons wants you in his office, now.”

As Ollie walked away, Izzy quietly sighed to herself. The thing she had been avoiding was now here. Although at dawn it had seemed right to call him, she now felt stupid. Hopefully it was a light scolding before going back to work. 

Her light knocking on the door almost amused Alfie. If he had been talking to someone in his office, he would never have heard her. He called her in, seeing the bags under her eyes, and how she couldn’t seem to look at him. Gesturing to the seat across from him, he waited for her to sit before speaking.

“Look, last night-”

“I’m sorry Mr Solomons.”

They both spoke at the same time. Izzy shrunk further into her seat, scolding herself for being so rude. Of course he was going to speak first! Alfie waited a minute before an idea popped into his head.

“Izzy, please speak.”

Izzy was hesitant, thinking that this was maybe one of his mind games. He had a way of making people look a fool of themselves, she didn’t want to be one of them.

“I’m sorry for calling you so early. I overreacted, I should have just left it alone.” she mumbled.

Alfie groaned.“Come on girl, you fucking hate me right now, don’t ya?”

Her head shot up, eyes widening.“No! Of course I don’t!”

“Just tell me what you’re really thinking in that pretty little head of yours. We’ve known each other long enough for you to speak freely in my presence.”

She was still blushing from his (somewhat of a) compliment. Her mind was in two halves; one was stressing her not to say anything, thinking she would be in deep trouble if she did so, but on the other hand, she never had much chance to express herself, nor was she ever so tempted.

“Well...” Izzy thought for a moment,“I think I had a right to know your concerns for my safety. I should have known that those men were guarding me, b-because...because they scared me! There was a moment I thought you wouldn’t answer the phone and, and, I didn’t know how I was supposed to defend myself!”

Alfie had never heard her voice this loud, even though it would still be classed as her indoor voice. If the situation wasn’t so dangerous, he would have found it hard to contain a laugh. However, she seemed stressed, her voice wavering like it usually did when she became upset. Although she was now sat up straight, Alfie could see her shoulders slumped, hands clasped together to stop them visibly shaking. 

“Is there anything else you would like to add?” he quietly asked.

“Why didn’t you tell me in the first place?”

“Didn’t want to panic you. Didn’t work out that way did it?”

“What do I need to be worried about? Should I be looking out for someone coming to hurt me?”

Alfie sighed, running a hand down his face, a common habit of his. He wasn’t going to tell her the truth, he had seen what stress did to her when it took over, that wasn’t fair to send her spiraling again. 

“I was just paranoid after the other day. I should have told you.”

“So...will those men still be there tonight?”

“One more night. Just to make sure. I’ll get another lad to take you home again.”

They sat in silence, both unsure if the conversation was over now. Izzy was too nervous to stand in case it wasn’t, but the atmosphere was awkward. Her eyes cast down to her shoes, which were caked with dust from the floor. They would need cleaning later. Alfie still hadn’t said anything, he couldn’t look at Izzy either, staring at the wall off to his left. However, as both decided to do something about the silence, Izzy standing and Alfie beginning to speak, the awkwardness just increased. 

“Iz,” Alfie was surprised as she shot back down into her seat,“don’t stress, yeah? I don’t want to see you like that again, alright.”

Izzy didn’t reply, she didn’t even nod. 

“Right.” Alfie mumbled.“Well, that’s all I had to say really.”

Izzy said nothing as she stood again, swiftly leaving and almost sprinting away from the office. The humiliation made her feel sick, situations like those were her worst fear. But Alfie felt somewhat relieved it was over, thinking he would get away with hiding the truth for a little longer.

It was the last hour of the working day, and Izzy was finding it harder and harder to keep her eyes open. She had updated the stock numbers, happy to be out of the large, cold and daunting room. It was never her favourite part of the day. There were only a few light bulbs in there, they were always dim no matter how many times they had been replaced. Her shoulders were tense, keeping her eyes focused on the papers as to not notice the ominous shadows being casted around her. If she stared at a spot for too long, her mind would create something sinister that had plagued her nightmares. Suddenly the lights went out, darkness enveloping everything. It was pitch black, she was alone, she couldn’t stay there.

“Hello?!” she called out.“I’m still in here! Is anyone out there? Was there a power cut?!”

She stumbled her way through the dark, not making it very far when her skirt got caught on something, causing her to hastily tug on it. Izzy pulled too hard in a panic, falling onto her side on the stone floor. But she didn’t stay down for long, scrambling onto her feet. Feeling disorientated, Izzy clutched onto her chest as her breathing became rapid, heart beating fast and loud in her ears. Her hands felt around for the wooden door, but all she felt were barrels upon barrels, sometimes the stone wall. There was no way of knowing which way to go, she couldn't tell which way she was facing.

Pinning her back to the wall, she slowly slid down it, wrapping her arms around her knees and clutching onto her skin. She despised the dark, it held too many horrible memories, it was untrustworthy, anything could be lurking in it. Sobs racked her body, feeling completely forgotten, an all too familiar feeling to her. She was about to cry out again when the door burst open, light finally shining upon her;it had been further away than expected, but that didn't stop her from leaping up and dashing out of the room.

Izzy paid no attention to the men around her, coming to halt away from the group. Shaking hands cradled her face, as if she had to check that she was still there. Her cheeks were wet from the tears which she gently wiped away as she steadied her breathing, reminding herself over and over that she was safe again.

"You alright Izzy?" Ollie quietly asked as he stood in front her her.

She frantically nodded her head, moving away from him. She didn't want anyone near her just yet.

"What the fuck did you think you were doing?!" Aflie shouted in a worker's face.

"I didn't know she was in there!" the man protested.

"You should have checked before switching the fucking light off! Anyone could have been in there. What if a barrel fell on top of someone? Hm? You would have someone's death on your hands!"

"She would have been fine if she acted like an adult. Who on earth is still scared of the dark at her age?"

Ollie cringed as he finished his sentence. He knew what was coming. He held his arm out in front of Izzy, trying to turn her around or block her view of Alfie. However, Izzy didn't look away, she was never one for violence, but the shock of Alfie’s outburst had drawn her in.

The rage consuming Alfie was obvious. Alfie Solomons was an intimidating man when he was neutral, when someone made him angry, it was as if he were a monster out of a horror novel. The worker didn't even see Alfie pull his fist back before it punched him in the face, sending him flying to the floor. He had no time to even cry out as Alfie kicked him in the ribs, stumbling slightly before regaining his balance.

"Sort it out Ollie." he grumbled, walking away.

Izzy didn't feel as scared as she thought she would. Seeing someone being beaten up wasn't pleasurable to her, but she realised why she wasn't fearing Alfie again; he had an outburst because the man had disrespected her. He had stood up for her.

"Mr Solomons!" Izzy boldly called out, running after him.

"Izzy, don't!" Ollie tried to stop her.

Alfie stopped in his tracks, his fists clenching tightly. He heard her heels across the floor, getting closer and closer. He couldn't talk to her, not like this.

"Mr Solomons, I-" she started, but was soon interrupted.

"I don't want to hear it Izzy." he didn't even turn around and began walking away again.

Her voice became quieter."No, I just wanted to say-"

"I don't need your fucking opinion! I run this place, I discipline how I want to!" he shouted, storming into his office and slamming the door shut, causing the sound to echo out.

Every other man in the building had been listening (it was impossible not to). After staring at the door for a few more seconds, they knew the show was over, getting back to finishing their work for the day.

"Izzy, you shouldn't have done that." Ollie sighed once he caught up to her.

Her usual demeanour had returned now, ducking her head in embarrassment."I just wanted to thank him."

[plutoandmoon]

I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it / The 1975

I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it is The 1975’s second studio album. This iconic alternative album was released in 2016 and continuously has over a million streams combined. In addition, the English rock album has received variety of awards from being on the 100 Greatest Albums of the 2010s to reaching the Gold platform in the United States. The 1975 incorporates all sorts of new sounds into this album such as synth-pop, disco, electronic house, and R&B to deliver the overall mood of all 17 songs.

The introduction to the album, “The 1975”, is incredibly beautiful. It sounds like the beginning of a coming of age trailer that captures all the overwhelming emotions of the film and story.

Love Me is quite a legendary song in terms of how catchy the lyrics are and the musical layers of the band. I’m not sure how to properly describe it but it reminds me of a new age of 80s music with the electric guitar, synths, and drums. I do love the use of trumpets too to emphasize certain notes. The guitar solo is the perfect session to have a full jam out in your room. I really love that piano sound in the beginning and end of the song that sounds futuristic.

The beginning of UGH! sounds like an intro to a 2000s coming of age movie. It reminded me a lot of Clueless and Mean Girls. Again super catchy lyrics and melody.

The instrumentals of A Change Of Heart make me think of that slow dancing part of a junior high prom/dance. The way I visualize it is the main couple slow dancing underneath the bright light around their classmates after they just won prom king and queen. I love the electronic vocals and the piano synth used in this song. Again it still has that 80s feel to it that is perfect for this album and band.

I’m not sure why but the guitar rift in She’s American gives me Michael Jackson vibes. This song feels very American for some reason LOL. Again, it makes me visualize a scene in a coming of age movie where the main character is running and feels lost on what to do with her life. Catchy lyrics and melody. Personally don’t think this is their strongest song as it just feels similar to the others above but still a good song.

If I Believe You is very different from the songs we have listened to so far. I love Matty Healy’s vocals in this song so much and the production is literally beautiful. It is a very R&B inspired song with the slower pace tempo, back up vocals, piano, and drums. The 1975 still incorporate their own unique style in the song with the usage of electronic elements with the high hats, reverbs, and futuristic sounds. The middle of this song with the trumpet (3:30) is very jazz inspired. It is a beautiful intermission of the song. It is musically layered filled with so much emotion and sensation. The pizzicato from perhaps violins and harps really up lift this song. It adds an angelic layer to it as Healy continues on with the lyrics “If I am lost / how will i find myself?”. For me, the addition of these instruments makes me feel as I am ascending towards heaven or a higher awakening. One of The 1975’s most underrated songs in their whole career.

Please Be Naked is a perfect transition from If I Believe You because it sounds like the ending of a chapter and an opening to a new one. When looking at it through a coming of age lens, it appears as if the main character has said goodbye to their old past, old version of themselves, and everything that does not serve them. They are coming to terms with the reality of life and looking forwards for a new and higher purpose. Although there are no lyrics to this song, it is keep to pay attention to the instrumentals and the dynamics of each note. You can also hear the sounds of someone walking, closing the door, opening paper, etc that adds layers and meaning to the song. It is not another simple lofi or instrumental piece but rather it is an important one for the album and the 1975’s message. It tells a beautiful story over 4 minutes if you choose to really listen to the main character’s journey.

Once again, the introduction of Lostmyhead sounds like the continuation of the story from If I Believe You and Please Be Naked. The beginning is heavily rock inspired with the overwhelming guitar, piano synth, electric guitar solo, and much other sounds. I believe this is the point in the character’s journey where they are probably overlooking a building or a crowd and thinking to themselves that this is a start of something new. They are going onto this journey and not looking back anymore. I also love the use of string instruments here and how at the end of this song, everything finally drops. It is like we have finally bursted this bubble and allowed everything (emotions, purpose, life, etc) to hit us. You can hear this with the aggressive drum kick, the crescendos of the violins, and how dynamic everything else is. Then the song slowly crescendos and all we are left to hear is the futuristic sounds.

The Ballad of Me and My Brain has a very interesting introduction with the background vocals being manipulated with their dynamic and pitch. This song is heavily influenced by rock and synth pop as Healy’s vocals are more aggressive.

Somebody Else. The most iconic songs in our generation, the 1975’s career, in alternative pop music. Everything about this song is perfect from the lyrics to the musical production to simply everything. This song can put you into two moods: dance or sadness. You can visualize yourself dancing to this at a party/club or blasting this in your car at 2am as you sob. The versatile of this song is something that I believe many over look. Like you cannot just ignore the most help advice ever “Get someone you love / get someone you need / fuck that get money”. 

Loving Someone is another LEGENDARY song from the 1975. I love everything about it from the lyrics, melody, musical production, and the execution of it. The introduction of the song is unlike anything you have heard of. It sounds like Matty Healy is rapping (perhaps) but it sure does have the influence electronic and indie pop. The flow of Matty Healy’s verses is very different from all the rest of the songs on this album. It shows how musical diverse the 1975 is and how they executed this new style perfectly. The ending is cute with the piano (sounds like ones we used to play as a child) and the monologue softly being played.

The self titled album song sounds like another intermission in the band’s album. This instrumental sounds to focus more on futuristic electronic sounds. It could be another story that Healy and the band is explaining to us through a coming of age lens. It sure is more optimistic than the other instrumental songs we have heard from the band in this album. I love how more towards the end, the overall pace and tone of the song is changed up as it has more of a dance feel to. Listening to it more, it sounds more of a song where everything is at a peak and peace. Where you can just jam the fuck out and not care about anything at all.

The Sound sounds like new beginnings. This could be why it is put in towards the end of the album. With the optimistic beat and melody, it could be referring to a new perspective on life. It does sound similar to a few of the 1975’s songs at the start of the album and that is due to the synth pop style the band is famous for. Overall, it is quite a catchy song and a nice one to jump around to.

This Must Be My Dream has a really unique intro. It really gives the song a 80s/90s feel to it. I believe the band uses a dream like bell sound for the melody. This song feels dreamy hence the title of the song. Towards the end of the song where the breakdown begins, it feels like the part where the dream starts to slowly warp and then the main character is reflecting on what just happened.

I believe everyone holds the song, Paris, in a special place in their heart. It is such a cute song with the melody, instrumentals, lyrics, and vocals. I would definitely listen to this song in my own room and sway alone under the flashing lights pretending I’m at a dance with my lover. The chorus after Healy says “How I would love to go to Paris again” is very dreamy with the echo background vocals and the synths. It is quite a slow song though so for me, I feel like 4 minutes and 53 seconds is drag for the song (that is just me because my attention span is short …)

Personally, I find Nana to be boring. Perhaps because of how slow it is but other than that, it seems like a nice song.

She Lays Down is another soft slow song but this time it is just Healy’s vocals with an acoustic guitar. I think it is a nice and beautiful way to end the album. It is a huge contrast to how the 1975 began this 2nd studio album. They began with their intro (The 1975) and Love Me, that immediately set the overall mood and tone of the album. It was very electric and energetic, while She Lays Down is a more mellow and reflectional piece. Overall, this album is a memorable work of art as many associate these songs with their teenage years. Some songs to mention are If I Believe You, Please Be Naked, Somebody Else, and Loving Someone. The 1975 is a powerful band with Healy’s vocals, lyrics, and style. Hopefully they will be able to create more music as similar to the ones in “I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it”.

[possiamo-andare]

Invisible String: JJ Maybank

JJ x OC

MASTERLIST

word count: 9.9k

summary: based off the lyrics from Taylor Swift’s song “Invisible String”, this story follows an original character named Charlotte “Charlie” Summers, a hopeless romantic who unfortunately falls in love with JJ Maybank. At first, he wants nothing to do with her but after one night, he realizes that maybe he was wrong about love after all. 

a/n: I was writing this while I wasn’t feeling myself and because of that, it’s not like my usual stories. The ending is hopeful but open ended and it’s very angsty. I know some people don’t like Taylor Swift but this song off her new album is seriously so amazing. Try to be open minded while you listen to the album and I promise it won’t disappoint. have fun reading :)

~ 

Green was the color of the grass

Where I used to read at Centennial Park

I used to think I would meet somebody there

She had enjoyed sitting in parks and reading the Feminine Mystique while the only time he sat to read was when he was in school, if he ever showed. She was a hopeless romantic, pining and obsessing after every long haired, rebel without a cause she saw. There was a new boy every week. Not that she ever dated them. No, she only watched them from afar, wondering what shampoo they used or how their eyes would crinkle when they laughed. There was something beautifully innocent about these attractions and so, for a very long time, she just sat on the same park bench from afar and watched a number of beautiful people pass her; they were completely oblivious to the fact a girl was admiring them only a few feet away.

He was the polar opposite. It was not that he didn’t believe in love because he loved his friends but JJ never wanted anyone to love him. And, unlike many teenagers, he was okay with not being loved. Love was for the weak, for people who needed validation from others. He needed none of that. If a girl ever liked him, he would use and lose them quickly, making sure they hated him by the end of it. Love weakened him and he didn’t have the time to be weak when everyone around him expected him to be strong.

Teal was the color of your shirt

When you were sixteen at the yogurt shop

You used to work at to make a little money

She had asked him when they first met if he liked the colour teal. Random yes, but it wasn’t a meaningless question. Men associated teal with feminine activities, such as braiding hair and dressing dolls and any man who recoiled at that answer meant that they would not be compatible. When he didn’t recoil and instead vigorously nodded his head, she knew he was the one. JJ thought of how the waves felt between his fingers and his mother’s eyes when he thought of teal. Subsequently, the colour teal would rear its head in their relationship many times. For it was the colour of his favourite shirt and the colour of the ocean where they met.

His answer, although enthusiastic, was about the only interesting thing he thought she had said. When JJ first met her, there was no undeniable pull. Unlike her, he just saw a plain girl. Pretty, yes, but plain. She was the type of girl he could learn to love in time, but he was not interested in waiting a few months to feel something for her. Instead, he wanted carnal and immediate affection. He wanted to feel the pull instantly. Realistically, the relationship with instant attraction lasted only a few weeks until it wore off but JJ was not looking for a realistic love. Not at first anyways.

Time, curious time

Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs

Were there clues I didn’t see?

He wondered, later on, if his instant distaste for her was the reason the universe made them stumble in and out of each other’s lives for so long. He thought it was the universe trying to teach him a lesson. The lesson being a person that you think is insignificant, could actually turn out to be the most important person in your life.

They saw each other for the second time at his job. To try and get some extra money, JJ decided to get a job. Unfortunately the only job he seemed he could find was one at an ice cream parlor. It was embarrassing for him but he had to wear a teal shirt (his favourite colour), so he swallowed his pride and started at Figure 8’s only ice cream parlor. Unfortunately for him, JJ hated Kooks. This hate only grew when every customer he served was a Kook. They were all obnoxious and rude, two qualities he suspected they would have. But he bit his tongue and served even the people with the worst attitudes. Two weeks after she and JJ met at the beach, she entered the same ice cream parlor with her friends. Sarah Cameron, along with her boyfriend Topper and her brother Rafe, were all too preoccupied with their difficult decision on what to order to notice that their friend was acting oddly.

Oddly would be an understatement. She was mortified. Not only was her hair matted because she was surfing all day, but she was also wearing no makeup. These two things, along with the fact she was completely caught off guard that JJ was an employee at this parlor made her disastrously nervous. As they waited in line, she asked Sarah for her mirror.

“Mirror? Why the hell do you need a mirror?” Sarah questioned, a confused look written over her face. When her friends didn’t answer (or was too embarrassed to do so), she followed her eye line to the blonde boy who was scooping ice cream. “JJ? Really Charlie?”

Charlie frowned, her face hot. “He’s nice.” She said this so casually, it almost seemed as if she had known JJ her entire life.

But Sarah, although spending a limited amount of time with JJ, knew more about him than Charlie did. “No, he’s not.”

“Who’s nice?” Rafe butted in, only hearing Sarah’s last words to Charlie and trying to catch up on the conversation he missed.

“No one!” Charlie rushed, glancing at Sarah for her to play along.

The last thing Charlie wanted was for Rafe or Topper to know about her crush on JJ. Although she hung out with these boys, it was only to be polite. If Charlie had to choose, she would rather solely spend her time with Sarah. Although weary on why this already weird girl was acting even more so, Rafe was too tired to press for more and instead gave Charlie a puzzled look and turned back to face Topper, who was too busy deciding on what to order.

“Charlie’s gonna order for us.” Sarah announced, watching in amusement as her friend’s face contorted in fear.

“Hm?” Charlie gulped, glancing at the line that was coming dangerously close to JJ.

Sarah grinned. “We’ll pay for it as long as you order for us.” Sarah paused for a moment, a mischievous grin on her lips. “Or are you too scared?”

Charlie shook her head, indignant. “I am not.”

Sarah nudged Charlie forward, watching as the girl came face to face with JJ Maybank.

JJ was surprised to see her here. Of course, he knew he would have to see her eventually. He worked in the only ice cream parlor for miles and it was only a matter of time before the pretty girl with a name he did not remember finally stumbled across this parlor. As he watched her stumble over her words as she ordered, his heartbeat picked up speed. He swallowed harshly, wondering why a girl who only a few weeks ago he could care less about was now making him feel nervous.

“I’ll have t-two, um, rocky r-roads…” Charlie scrambled to remember the order her friends listed off to her, her mind running faster than her brain.

JJ nodded, looking up every so often to indirectly tell her he was listening. Her wet hair stuck to her cheeks, clearly drying in a matted way. He had a strong urge to reach out and push the hair behind her ears, something he never wanted to do before now. So what changed? JJ shook his head, trying to clear his mind as he wrote the order properly. Nothing changed, he convinced himself. He was only caught off guard by her presence.

“That’s it?” JJ calmly said, thanking an omniscient being that he had not acted as nervous as she was. He had a growing suspicion that this girl had a crush on him which only made him embarrassed since he didn’t want to believe he felt anything for her.

Y//N nodded, wanting to pinch herself just so she could calm down. “Yep.”

“Okay,” JJ ripped off the note from his pad and stuck it on the board where a bunch of his co-workers were ready to scoop. “Your order will be ready soon.”

Charlie nodded, forcing her head to move smoothly as to draw attention away from her shaky hands. “Thanks.”

Before she had time to move farther down the line, JJ spoke again. He wanted to put these feelings down to rest, proving to himself that he did not feel anything towards a girl he barely knew. “I think I’ve met you before. What’s your name?”

JJ knew this would hurt her feelings because they had met quite recently. Although it did hurt her feelings, she knew not to take it too personally because she was a girl hardly anyone noticed. “It’s Charlie.”

JJ nodded, smirking as he remembered the name. His heartbeat finally slowed down. Maybe he really felt nothing and it was only the embarrassment of seeing her again that made his heartbeat pick up. “I’m -”

“JJ. I know.” She interrupted him, watching as her friends slowly started to move farther down the line. Before she held up the line any more, she sweetly smiled at JJ and said, “I remember because you’re named after the producer of Lost.”

With that last comment, she walked farther down the line and closer to her friends. As Sarah asked her what happened and Charlie soaked up the embarrassment she felt, JJ wanted to laugh. She had just confirmed his suspicions; she had a crush on JJ. This did not seem to matter to JJ all that much since numerous girls in OBX had fallen victim to his blue eyes and cocky smirk. Although she wasn’t the first girl to ever have a crush on him, she was the first he could care less about. Usually he would use these infatuations to his advantage but this time he had no interest in Charlie. Although this was true, he was also bored out of his mind. He hadn’t been laid in a week or so and that was a long time when you were JJ Maybank. He knew how easy it would be to invite a girl that acted like that back to his home and, against his better judgement, he decided to do it.

This was mostly against his better judgement for two reasons. One, she was a Kook and JJ hated Kooks. He rarely slept with any of them, annoyed by their very presence. He usually went for Pogues or tourists, two kinds of girls he got along with better. Two, she seemed to have some type of infatuation with him which was dangerous territory. The girls that JJ slept with liked him, but it never went past the surface. Those girls didn’t give him the heart eyes she was giving him and that’s why he spent time with them. He knew it was cruel to sleep with a girl that felt so strongly towards him, especially when he felt nothing towards them, and that’s why he rarely slept with those types of girls. But he was willing to break that rule for some fun.

You might be thinking right about now that JJ Maybank is a miscreant and for that, you would be correct.

As he watched her pay for her order and get her ice cream, he seemed to be in a daze. As he watched her talk to her friends, her mind elsewhere, he thought of how he would ask her out and inevitably sleep with her. I’m warning you now, you won’t like JJ for most of this story. He’s greedy and selfish. Like a hurricane, he sweeps up whatever is around him and destroys it. And he has a fun time doing it.

Just as Charlie and her friends exited the parlor, his boss told him it was time for his break since he seemed ‘a little out of it.’ Without so much as a nod, JJ made his way past the line of customers, watching as Charlie closed the door behind her.

“Charlie!” JJ raised his voice, catching the girl’s attention.

“What does he want?” Rafe asked, stepping forward and trying to grab onto Charlie’s hand and pull her away from a Pogue he hated. Although Rafe would only admit it if there was a gun to his head, he had feelings for Charlie that he knew she would never reciprocate. Seeing JJ chase after her and seeing her stop, only added to his heartbreak.

“Let’s give them some privacy…” Sarah whispered as JJ approached them, confidently staring at Charlie who was averting her gaze. She was too embarrassed to watch JJ step closer and closer to her.

Just as Sarah pulled her boyfriend and brother away from Charlie, JJ finally stood in front of Charlie. He never asked girls out. It usually was implied that he wanted to spend time with them because if he didn’t, he would just avoid them like the plague.

He would admit to himself, as he approached Charlie, he felt guilty. She seemed like a sweet girl but should be with someone who could give her everything. That also begged the question in JJ’s mind; what did she want from him? She was a Kook after all and if she genuinely just liked him, that would be the first time a Kook was ever genuine about anything. Surprisingly, it made JJ feel better about using her if she was a Kook. He hated Kooks, especially Rafe, and sleeping with this Kook Princess was definitely going to piss off some Kooks.

“I have the first season on DVD at my house. Wanna come over some time and watch it?” JJ looked at his hand, watching as he loosened his grip on the ends of his teal shirt.

Charlie was surprised but did her best to hide it. She thought she was successful but JJ could see right through and it only added to his ego when he saw her bewilderment. Slowly but surely, Charlie finally answered with a nod. JJ nodded back, waiting for her to say something and when he realized she wouldn’t, he spoke again.

“What about tomorrow night?”

She only nodded again, her heart thumping in her chest. She was afraid JJ could hear the beat of her heart because it was so loud in her ears. Fortunately JJ did not and instead turned around and made his way back to the parlor. He felt a slight squeeze around his heart but ignored it, thinking it was because he had just asked a girl out and was feeling guilty about it. Charlie felt the same squeeze but did not dismiss it as JJ had. Instead, she saw it as an invisible string finally tying around her heart and connecting to JJ’s.

And isn’t it just so pretty to think

All along there was some

Invisible string

Tying you to me?

For her, that night couldn’t come fast enough. For JJ, he could care less. Not that he wasn’t excited to get laid but that seemed to be it for him. It was nothing more than a hookup and he promised he would explain that to her when she got to his house. Thankfully his father was gone for the weekend, leaving JJ to be at his house for as long as he wanted to.

As Charlie sat at Sarah’s vanity, letting her friend pluck her eyebrows and blend her makeup, JJ was sitting on his couch and watching tv. He was less than nervous. Yes, he was nervous when he first was speaking to her but her adorableness had caught him off guard. Now, he was ready for her. He would always be ready for her now.

As the time came closer and closer to their ‘date’, Sarah felt obligated to inform her friend on who she was about to go on a date with. She loved Charlie like a sister and wasn’t about to let a boy she knew to be a troublemaker and a womanizer destroy her friend’s perception of love. Her friend had never been in a  relationship and had a limited experience with boys which meant she didn’t understand how cruel some of them could be. To settle the arguments in her mind, she decided to just advise her friend to be careful. Although Charlie understood her friend’s apprehensiveness, she thought she understood JJ like the back of her hand. He had a tough exterior but on the inside, he was just as fragile as any other person. She was willing to meet the real JJ. Unfortunately, what she didn’t know yet was that her heart had to break first before she met the real JJ.

Although JJ had a number of girls come over at his house, he rarely asked them out days before. Usually they would come home with him the same night he met them. To say JJ was underprepared was an understatement. He only realized he had a date that night when she rang the doorbell. In a hurried mess, he threw on the cleanest shirt he had and rushed to open the door. Tripping only once, he successfully made it to the door. When he opened the door, all his worries melted away. And no, it was not because she was breathtaking but because he remembered it was only Charlie. Plain Charlie.

She was considerably more nervous than him, being as it was only her first date. But she took a deep breath and took everything one step at a time. She felt pretty, her hair done in a nice braid and wearing her favourite shorts, and pretended as if she was one of those girls who carried themselves as if they were an angel that graced everyone’s presence. She saw her walk as dainty but JJ barely noticed, distracted by her bare legs. They were virtually smooth (meaning she shaved) and tan.

“Where’s your tv?” Charlie asked, watching as JJ looked up from her legs and to her eyes.

JJ’s house, although not anything like hers, was cozy and she liked it. There were beer cans thrown everywhere and she knew JJ had made no effort to clean anything up but still, his house looked as if someone lived in it. Granted, it was a messy individual but nonetheless, it was a home. Her house was always too clean and looked deserted.

“In my room.” JJ stated, walking in front of her and opening the door to his room. He looked behind him, watching as she did not make any movement towards him. Just as he began to get confused he remembered that she was deathly awkward and might not be okay with being in his room. Showing an ounce of concern for someone other than himself for the first time in weeks, he said, “Is that okay?”

Charlie cleared her throat, nodding quickly before picking up her feet and walking through the threshold of JJ’s door. She wanted to seem nonchalant about being in his room but JJ saw right through her. Either she was just nervous or she had never been in a boy’s bedroom. The latter was true. If JJ had known that, he would have never let her in his room. He had always believed he was not good enough to be anyone’s first for anything, including a small thing like that.

Charlie softly sat on the edge of JJ’s bed, watching as the boy bent down and put the DVD through the DVD player. When his back was to her, her eyes finally drifted to his right wall where a small picture of him as a child, hugging a woman who shared the same features as he did. She had stuck two fingers, which were supposed to be bunny ears, behind his head and plastered on a huge grin. JJ, oblivious to the fingers behind his head, only gave a toothy grin as he looked into the camera.

When JJ finally got up from his seat on the floor, he sat right next to Charlie. She was right on the edge of his bed, sitting very close to the tv. She seemed a little stiff and JJ hoped she would relax soon. Although her body was in front of the tv, her head was turned elsewhere. When he realized what picture she was looking at, he immediately felt embarrassed. That picture was usually never hung but JJ had felt nostalgic last night and hung it up to look at but never took it down.

Before he could speak, she did first. “Is that your mother?” This was the first clear and confident sentence she had spoken since they met and JJ was almost surprised to see that her regular voice was lower than he first thought.

JJ nodded for a second, grasping to find a subject he could change to. He looked at the tv screen and handed the remote to Charlie, finally knowing what to say. “What episode?”

Charlie scrolled down, through the first season before deciding to pick the first episode. As the opening scene started to play, JJ chuckled to himself, scooting closer to the edge of the bed to get closer to Charlie. He saw that this movement made her nervous but he only scooted closer.

“Why’d you laugh?” Charlie asks, her voice once again softer. She seemed to be nervous again and JJ only found it adorable. “You don’t like the first episode.”

JJ knew it was going to be more difficult to get this girl to kiss him since he doubted she’d ever make the first move. Indulging her, he answered her question. “It just tells me a lot about your personality.”

Charlie’s face contorted in confusion, her eyes off the screen and on JJ now. “What does this tell you exactly?”

JJ smirked. “That you’re a real neat freak. You need things to have a beginning, middle and end. Probably a hopeless romantic. You love the stories of girl meets guy, they fall in love and get married. The end.”

Charlie, a little upset he read her so precisely, only rolled her eyes and tried not to be too offended. “And what episode would you have chosen?”

JJ shrugged, thinking for a moment before answering. “Probably the last one.”

Charlie nodded, scratching her chin. “Probably means you hate to follow the norm. You hate beginnings and middles and the end. You don’t like structure and you probably think love is a little dumb.” When she sees JJ’s smirk falter, she continues. “How right was I?”

JJ was slightly surprised at how accurate she had been. Yet again, he found himself trying to remain calm. “Pretty right.”

Charlie smirked, bowing her head. “Thank you.” Her eyes turned back to the screen, watching as a scene unfolded in front of her.

JJ wasn’t done with the conversation though, upset that a girl he thought he had figured out turned out to be not what he expected. She was shy, he thought. In some ways she was, but at the same time she wasn’t going to let JJ shamelessly make fun of her. She had some type of backbone, however small. He watched her instead of the screen, so confused how he had gotten her personality so wrong. Eventually, she saw he was not paying attention and she looked back to him, sheepishly making eye contact. JJ was confused again. How could she be outwardly intelligent one second and shy the next? This girl was more complicated than he thought.

On your first trip to LA

Bad was the blood of the song in the cab

You ate at my favorite spot for dinner

“Is there something else you wanted to add?” Charlie innocently asked, embarrassed that JJ was watching her so intently.

JJ shrugged, glancing at the screen before looking back at her. “Wondering if the rest of my profile is correct about you.”

He watched as Charlie chuckled at the word profile. He suddenly felt embarrassed, realizing it wasn’t the coolest thing to say in the moment. She shrugged and said, “I don’t know. What is it?”

JJ wanted to say so much but he couldn’t. She wasn’t what he thought she was. She was multifaceted, shy and confident. Meek and talkative. Instead, he felt himself more interested in what she thought about him. This had never happened before. JJ never thought they would do this much talking. He never thought their conversations would get this deep this fast. Especially with a Kook.

“I don’t know. What about me?”

Charlie smiled, glancing at that picture on the wall before speaking. “Definitely a mama’s boy. She probably taught you how to surf.” As she talked, JJ’s heart rate picked up pace. She was getting close to dangerous waters. No one talked about his mother. Not even his closest friends. “That photo tells me two things. One, that she was the heart of the family because she knew how to be goofy. Two, she left because there’s no other pictures of her in the house. Your dad -”

JJ had heard enough. It was too much. She was right about too much. He rarely spoke about his mom, too many buried memories. Without allowing her to speak any longer, JJ got up from his seat beside her and stood by the door. His hand was on the knob, watching as she stopped talking and a concerned expression crossed her face. JJ rolled his eyes, her fake sympathy only angering him. The last thing he needed was an empathetic Kook going around telling everyone his sob story. He didn’t care how needy he was, he was not going to sleep with her now.

“I want you to leave.” JJ said hoarsely, his throat closing as he tried to hold back tears.

As he said this, Charlie’s heart thumped in her ears. She quickly got up from her seat and slowly moved towards an angry JJ. With his hand still clutched around the knob, she slowly approached him. “JJ… I didn’t mean -”

“No,” JJ tensed up again as he saw her approach him. “You Kooks never do.”

Charlie stops in her tracks, soaking in his last words. “Kooks?”

JJ rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you Kooks. You wanna hear a real profile? All you Kooks are so fucking unhappy with your shitty lives you have to bother us with your bullshit. Well, I’m not gonna sit here and let you make me seem like a little poor boy who misses his mom.”

Charlie stays still and waits for JJ to finish before she speaks. “I’m sorry if I hit a nerve, I didn’t know I would be right.”

JJ cackled sarcastically, the door still not open. “Whatever.”

Charlie frowned. “JJ, I’m sorry. You’re right. I am a Kook and I couldn’t possibly understand -”

“Shut up.” JJ hisses, finally taking his hand off the door knob.

He does not move it again and for a minute, Charlie thinks he might not let her go. Then she sees why he’s moved his hand. His hand moves to his chest where she realizes he is having a panic attack. JJ falls to his knees, clutching his chest and heaving. Charlie rushes forward and wraps her arms around him, trying to get him to calm down. She feels like this is completely her fault. She opened a wound that hasn’t fully healed. It was all a joke but she took it too far.

“JJ,” Charlie said as she grasped onto each of his shoulder blades. He made eye contact with her, his face beat red from lack of oxygen. “Try and breathe.”

This had never happened to JJ before, let alone with a girl in his room. Yes, he would have a couple of panic attacks every couple of weeks but never in public and never in front of a girl he wanted to sleep with. The embarrassment only added to the inability to breathe. His mind raced a mile a minute, screaming for him to just breathe. But it was easier said than done. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his breath coming out in large heaves. His chest was hurting and he honestly believed he was going to die. In front of a Kook, nonetheless.

JJ shook his head at Charlie, trying to tell her he couldn’t. Charlie nodded, holding eye contact. “Yes you can.” Her hands moved from his shoulders to his face, gently cupping both sides of his face. “Breathe in.” Charlie instructed for JJ to copy her as she took a deep breath. “Breathe out.”

At first, it was so difficult for him to do but Charlie was not about to give up on him. As minutes passed, she continued to breathe with JJ and help him through his panic attack. Soon, his breaths became even again and only when she was sure he was okay, she let go of the sides of his face. They didn’t speak for many minutes, the both of them not finding the right words to say. They were only fighting ten minutes ago and just now, she had helped JJ through a difficult time where he couldn’t breathe.

Finally, Charlie was the first to speak. She stood up first, reaching out to help JJ up. When he got to his feet, his mind still a little foggy, she spoke. “JJ, I’m -”

“Shh.” JJ quieted her by shushing her.

Charlie instantly stopped speaking, looking directly at JJ. She was mortified because of what had happened and wanted nothing more than to apologize profusely. When JJ wouldn’t let her, she instead waited until he said his peace. She knew some bad words were going to be exchanged but she accepted that. After all, she had basically given him a panic attack. Instead, JJ did the exact opposite. He said nothing for a while. It seemed like he was debating something in his mind and when he finally had made his decision, he looked at Charlie. She was about to try and speak again but she never got the chance; JJ’s hands quieting her. He reached forward for her and cupped her face in his hands before pulling her forward into a heated kiss. This kiss had caught her off guard and she barely had time to react and kiss him back before his lips were off hers again.

JJ felt how hot his cheeks were becoming as he watched Charlie look at him in awe. He had never felt so embarrassed to kiss a girl before but now, he was. He tried to convince himself it was because of his most recent episode, his whole body was weak and was mistaking weakness for nervousness.

As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, JJ finally spoke. “Sorry.” JJ wanted to slap himself. Why in the hell did he say sorry? He watched as Charlie shook her head, a smile on her face.

“It’s okay.” She whispered, her lips tingling. That was her first kiss and it felt wonderful. And this time, the feeling was mutual.

With a huge surge of confidence, Charlie grabbed JJ by the collar and pulled his forward. When he was only inches away, she leaned in close and kissed him. JJ reacted quicker than her, kissing her back almost instantly. Although this was only the first time she was kissing a boy, JJ would have never guessed that was so. She kissed very passionately, even knowing when to break for air. Slowly, as their kisses deepened, JJ guided her to his bed where he wanted her. This time, he had no ill intentions.

Bold was the waitress on our three-year trip

Getting lunch down by the Lakes

She said I looked like an American singer

JJ never lay on his back when girls kissed him. Instead, he always took charge, hovering over them. His hands would be on their belt in no time and the rest was easy. This time, however, he lay on his back and allowed for Charlie to hover over him as they kissed.

This part was supposed to be easy for him. This was his specialty but, as he kissed Charlie with his hands still not moving from her face, he seemed to forget. It was as if the last years of sexual escapades had never happened and he was a virgin again. This only annoyed him. He wanted to impress her. He wanted to show her how skilled he was but his arms seemed to be limp as Charlie’s hands dropped lower and lower, caressing his body. JJ almost felt embarrassed. He had been waiting to sleep with Charlie ever since that day at the parlor and now, he seemed like an innocent virgin who was scared to make the first move.

Charlie lay on JJ, her legs entangled in his. “JJ, you can touch me, if you want.” She felt slightly embarrassed by what she said but she had a feeling JJ was too nervous to notice. He seemed to be frozen in place, an awkward boy who she knew was experienced.

JJ nodded, glancing at her lips before connecting them once again and kissing her. He felt even more embarrassed now. A girl, who he knew to not be as nearly as experienced as he was, was now telling him how to make out. The world had obviously turned on its axis. There was no way he wasn’t in an alternate universe. Still, he nodded his head and finally moved his hands from her face to the end of her back. As they continued to kiss, his hands lay there and he made a point to softly caress them back and forth.

JJ had never felt as embarrassed as he did then. Not only was he acting if he never touched a girl before, but his heart beat was thumping so loudly in his head, he thought he might faint. This had never happened and he wondered why, out of all the girls, was it happening with Charlie? He had hooked up with girls hotter than Charlie and they never scared him but now, this plain brunette had changed something. As their kissing developed into more, clothes thrown haphazardly all over the floor, JJ asked himself if maybe it was different because he had never met a girl like Charlie ever. Finally, he felt the same string Charlie had felt before and it knotted around his heart, pulling him closer to Charlie.

Time, mystical time

Cutting me open, then healing me fine

Were there clues I didn’t see?

When it was all said and done and Charlie lay beside him, tired and naked, JJ knew he’d never be the same. Everything was different. The kisses had become more intense. The heat of adoration radiated from her body, and for the very first time, JJ made love to someone. It was so overwhelming, particularly for someone who had never been handled like this before. As Charlie snuggled closer to JJ, her eyes ready to close any minute, JJ started to get scared. 

“You okay?” Charlie asked, even though she was in more pain than he was. She had just lost her virginity to JJ and he didn’t even know. She decided against telling him for now, scared to ruin the mood.

Although still in a lot of pain, she couldn’t be happier. She had always wanted to feel loved when she lost her virginity and she finally had. Charlie never took sex too seriously, even though she was a hopeless romantic because most of the time, it was never how you imagined it. She had been warned that it would be dull but that was not her experience at all. She felt safe and protected. JJ had barely said more than a word or two to her during but she could tell how nervous he was, which only made this experience more lovely to her. She was utterly happy beyond belief in that moment.

JJ couldn’t speak, his throat rough. Instead, he nodded slowly and mustered up enough strength to say only one word. “Sleep.” And so she did.

You have to understand where JJ is coming from before I tell you the rest of the story. He grew up with an abusive father, one that would hurt more than he loved. His mother was his shining light, taking any bad situation and turning it into a good one. She loved JJ but was mentally ill herself and the more violent his father got, the more her mind would deteriorate. Sometimes, his mother would be so depressed, she would forget to feed him and JJ had to make his only lunch at six years old. Although his mother tried her best, JJ spent most of his childhood alone until he met John B., Kiara and Pope. And he only met them after his mother left when he was six. JJ grew up in an unstable home where the people that were supposed to love each other, didn’t. He grew up not believing in love and in turn, never experienced love. Of course, he loved his friends but that was a different kind of love. Every girl he was with was just another way to fill the void where he knew romantic love was supposed to be. That’s why he never felt guilty about inviting Charlie over; he was sure nothing would come out of it. But here he was, feeling the emotion he had thought never existed. So, in order to protect himself from what he knew to be the scariest thing to happen to him, he decided to never talk to Charlie again. 

She was the only girl to ever change his mind about love so, instead of facing his feelings head on, he hid from her. After that day, she tried to call him but he never answered. Everytime her number appeared on his phone, he felt the string connecting him to her tug a little but he never answered the phone. He was scared and people who are scared do stupid things.

Charlie had no experience with boys before JJ so at first, she had no idea he was avoiding her. At first, she suspected he was busy. He did have a job and it took up most of his time. Although she tried to be positive, as the days progressed into weeks, she soon realized he was not busy but in fact avoiding her. It came to her after two weeks of leaving messages on his phone and silence. She was with Sarah and Rafe, watching the sun set as they made s’mores. It came to her all at once as she watched the sky get darker and when it sunk in, she burst into tears. At first, they were silent tears but the second Sarah noticed and asked her if she was okay, she started blubbering like an idiot. Sarah had suspected something was wrong but wanted Charlie to come to her organically, not forcing her to tell her what was bothering her. Rafe wanted to stay, due to his feelings for Charlie. Sarah would not allow him to be around and only when he left, did she finally ask Charlie to tell her the entire story.

And when she did, all Sarah saw was red. Charlie was the sweetest person she knew. When they were eight years old, Charlie had introduced herself to Sarah by kissing the paper cut on her thumb and praying for a speedy recovery. Everyone loved Charlie; it was hard not to. She was good to every person she met and to see JJ disregard her like this upset Sarah in so many ways. 

“You should just march right up to his steps and give him a piece of your mind.” Sarah frowned, wrapping her arms around her crying friend.

“Y-you know I c-can’t.” Charlie sobbed, hiccups interrupting her words.

Sarah leaned back, making eye contact with her friend. “And why not?”

Charlie shrugged, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Her cheeks were stained black from her running mascara. “I’m embarrassed.”

Sarah stood up from her seat beside Charlie and scoffed loud enough for Rafe to hear on the other side of the door. Although he had left the room, he wanted to eavesdrop and find out what was wrong with Charlie. The more that was revealed, the angrier he got.

“Charlotte!” Sarah sang, only using her first name when she was upset with Charlie. “You are not the embarrassment in this situation. That Pogue is.”

“I just don’t think I can. I’m not that type of girl.” Charlie shrugged, sifting through her bag to find the makeup wipes and extra tube of mascara she keeps in there. “I’m not a confrontational girl.” She started wiping the black stains off her cheeks, glancing up at Sarah who was pacing the room back and forth.

Sarah crossed the room once more, kneeling in front of Charlie. “You can be.” She grabbed the wipe from Charlie’s hand and started to help her clean off the black stains. “You should be.”

And so, with a little extra mascara and confidence thanks to Sarah, Charlie decided that for at least today she would be that kind of girl. The girl that stands up for herself. She had hated confrontation but she knew Sarah was right. This was the type of situation where anyone should stand up for themself. JJ couldn’t use her anymore than he already had. She wouldn’t allow it. She was stronger. 

As Sarah drove to JJ’s house, Charlie in the passenger seat, Charlie kept trying to convince herself to be mean. Being mean never came naturally to Charlie but JJ had broken her and he deserved a little rudeness. It was hard though, for a particular reason. Everything had seemed so real. He really seemed nervous and it seemed like he truly cared for her. He had acted cocky at the beach when they first met and even when he was asking her out but never when they were alone. He was way more vulnerable with her. Sarah had said that maybe that was his plan and how he got so many girls to sleep with him but Charlie didn’t believe it. Not only because she loved JJ, but because if he was acting the entire time, he had to be the greatest actor in the world.

As Sarah parked in JJ’s driveway, the nerves finally set in for Charlie. She finally realized that this was actually happening and soon she would be confronting the boy that had hurt her so deeply. With a deep breath, she turned to Sarah and gave her a weary look.

“What do I even say?” Charlie asked, holding onto the door for balance. She felt light headed. 

Sarah shrugged. “What you feel.”

Although vague, Charlie understood what message her friend was trying to convey. Charlie had to speak from her heart and let JJ know how much he had hurt her, She didn’t know if he would try to apologize for his actions but she didn’t care. She was not looking for an apology. She loved JJ, she was not afraid to admit it, but she was not going to be dragged around like a lost puppy and made to look foolish. She had more dignity than that. She wasn’t sure why JJ did what he did. Maybe he was scared, or maybe he did it for fun but that wasn’t why she was upset. She was upset because he had not let her know what his true intentions were. Charlie believed in honesty before anything else and if JJ wasn’t going to be honest with her from the beginning, maybe he wasn’t the type of guy she thought he was. 

As she climbed the steps to his house, she thought back to when she first saw him. She had known the rumours about him before and she was warned by many people, Sarah included, but there had been something about him that was so magnetic. It was as if there was a small string connected to him that was pulling her forward. Looking back to their first encounter at the beach, she could see how uninterested he was in her. Hindsight is 20-20 though because in the moment she didn’t realize. She blamed herself in some ways . Maybe if she hadn’t been such a hopeless romantic, none of this would have happened. 

She stopped in front of his door, making no effort to knock on the door. Suddenly, relief washed over Charlie and she realized something. She was better than this. She didn’t need or want an explanation. The people that are nice to her, loved her. The people that went out of their way to help her are the people that love her. She was so in love with the idea of love that she forgot to remember what the reality was sometimes. The reality was that although everyone should be loved, some people don’t want that. Maybe JJ was one of those types of people or maybe not. It didn’t matter. She knew she deserved love and she didn’t need to yell at JJ or give him a piece of her mind to remind herself that she was worthy of love. She knew she was already. She took some comfort in knowing that she would not feel like this forever and soon, that string that had tied them together would break.

Without knocking on his door, Charlie turned right back around and made her way back to Sarah’s car. As she got in, she smiled for the first time in weeks. She felt better and she didn’t even need to talk to JJ.

“What happened?” Sarah questioned, watching as her friend who was now smiling buckled in.

“I just decided I’m better than that.” Charlie explained, finally looking to her friend. She was scared to see her friend’s reaction to this sudden realization but Sarah only smiled. 

As Sarah put her car in reverse, slowly moving farther and farther away from JJ’s house, she felt the invisible string around her heart loosen.

And isn’t it just so pretty to think

All along there was some

Invisible string

Tying you to me?

Sarah had not been looking as she was pulling out of JJ’s driveway. She was too focused on her friend’s newfound confidence that she almost completely disregarded the blonde boy riding a skateboard behind her car. When she finally registered JJ in her rearview camera, she slammed her foot against the break and let out a loud gasp. JJ, who had been thinking of Charlie ever since he saw her last, looked up and, to his surprise, saw a red caravan two inches from him. He frowned, thinking it was one of those loudy child services social workers coming again unannounced. He got off his skateboard and trudged up to the drivers side of the car to tell them off. When he saw Sarah Cameron instead, his eyes widened. What the hell was she doing here? When his eyes shifted to the passenger’s seat, he gasped. 

Charlie, who was gripping onto her seat at the abrupt stop Sarah had made, had not looked up to see JJ on the outside of the car until Sarah called her name.

“Charlie?” Sarah squeaked out, looking to her friend who was trying to catch her breath.

“Hm?” She looked up, her eyes already wide with fear but when she saw JJ, she let a small gasp out as well. 

When her and JJ made eye contact, she knew she couldn’t avoid him any longer. She had to end this; she had to close this awful chapter out her life. So, with her hands shaking, she grabbed onto the ledge of the door and opened it. She swung her legs over the seat and shakingly placed them back on the ground. With a deep breath, she walked to the front of Sarah’s car, where JJ was waiting for her. 

“Charlie…” JJ sighed, seeing the girl he hadn’t stopped thinking about since he first met her. He had been lying to himself for too long. He had loved her the second she had asked him if he liked teal.

Teal. The colour of the shirt she was wearing now. Teal. The colour of his newly painted nails.

“I was gonna yell at you.” She said calmly, her eyes watering as she watched the boy that had caused her so much pain. It seemed that his eyes were watering too now but she wasn’t going to fall for it again. She couldn’t let herself fall again. “But I can’t be anyone but myself. We have to be who we are in this world. And if you wanna be like this for the rest of your life, please leave me out of it.”

“I’m sorry.” JJ blinked fast, not wanting to cry in front of her. He had caused her too much pain, his own pain seemed miniscule now. “I don’t even know who I am. People expect me to be so many things, I don’t know.”

Charlie shook her head. “Forget about what everyone else wants, figure out what you want.”

JJ shrugs. “I don’t know yet.”

“When you know, find me.” Charlie raises her hand to cup one of his cheeks. He rests his head against her hand for a moment but she pulls away too quickly. 

She starts to back away from him but before she can enter Sarah’s car again, JJ speaks. “I hope I haven’t changed your mind about love, Charlotte.”

The way he says her full name tells her everything. She gives him a small smile, shrugging. “Don’t worry, Maybank, I’m still a hopeless romantic.”

A string that pulled me

Out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar

Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire

Chains around my demons

Wool to brave the seasons

One single thread of gold

Tied me to you

Days turned into months and before they were both ready, JJ and Charlie graduated. They had seen each other on a few more occasions, such as at his work or at a party, but it was only ever a passing glance. People say time is the best healer and that much was true. For Charlie and JJ, they both felt better as time passed. Although time had passed and somewhat healed, they were not the same.

JJ, for one, had not slept with a single girl since he was with Charlie. He was utterly broken and for months, he refused to even go out to parties. But, with the persistence of his friends, he finally tried to get back into his old rhythm. And, with his old rhythm, came a slew of girls at his disposal. Surprisingly, JJ actually dated a few of them and decided against sleeping with them. Charlie had changed him in the best way. He no longer was fulfilled by one night stands and instead dated girls for weeks. This might not seem like much but for JJ, it was progress. None of them were like Charlie but, with each relationship, it taught him how to be a better person. For one of the first times in his life, he felt whole being by himself. He even got a scholarship to a college on the mainland for the Coast Guard Academy. JJ was beginning to find himself.

Charlie was different too. She grew more confident. She now could recognize when people were taking advantage of her and, instead of ignoring it like she usually would, she would face them head on. She also confronted Rafe with his infatuation with her, something she inadvertently knew about for a while now. They remained friends through it all and she actually respected Rafe even more after it. She also joined the debate team and found her calling; law. She loved debating and began her interest in law by reading tons and tons of textbooks for law school. After months and months of trying to get over JJ, she finally felt herself start to move on. That’s when she finally went out with David, a guy on her debate team. They went out for a couple of weeks and when it ended, it was amicable. Her love for David was nothing like JJ’s but he made her feel secure in her feelings and she appreciated his support. Towards the end of the school year, she had got accepted to Yale, the ivy league school of her choice. She would be away from her friends and family for four years or more but she was excited to start studying law. 

At their graduation, they both saw each other and, for the first time since they spoke, they smiled at each other. This smile was bittersweet considering they both still loved each other, but they were glad that life was going well for the both of them. They had grown and found themselves.

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

One night, after classes in their respective schools had started, JJ had a revelation. He had returned to OBX for the weekend and found this revelation in his enemy; Rafe Cameron. 

JJ and his friends had promised each other to always meet for the weekend in OBX so they never lost touch but Pope and Kiara had been accepted in schools on the west coast so they were hours and hours away. John B and JJ kept their promises while Kiara and Pope skyped them and spoke all night. They were all still close, maybe even closer, since high school. One night, after Pope and Kiara had signed off, John B and JJ were still not tired and wanted to go out. Sarah had started dating John B only a few months before their graduation and although she was rude to JJ at first, he had grown on her. She wasn’t here this weekend so the boys were bored without her rambunctious ideas. John B had proposed they went out for late night ice cream and since JJ had no other ideas, he agreed to go.

As they waited in line, speaking amongst themselves, Rafe was waiting in line behind them. They had not seen him for months and, at first, they did not recognize him. Only when he tapped JJ’s shoulder, did their eyes widen at the sight of their old enemy. The first thing JJ saw was his teal shirt. His mind went to Charlie.

“What do you want?” John B was very aggressive when he first made eye contact with Rafe but JJ could see what John B didn’t. He wasn’t here to fight. His eyes were soft, almost said to see JJ and John B again.

“I wanna talk to JJ.” His voice is just above a whisper and somehow, JJ trusts him.

Before John B can defend his friend, JJ puts a hand on his friends shoulder. John B looks to him in confusion but says nothing and waits for JJ to speak. “Let’s step outside.”

Gold was the color of the leaves

When I showed you around Centennial Park

Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

Rafe and JJ had never had a heart to heart. The only choice words they ever spoke to each other was when they were beating eachother up. Now, as they stood outside the ice cream parlour where JJ had previously worked, they seemed to be standing in a comfortable silence.

“What’s up man?” JJ asked, looking to the window where he saw John B ordering his and JJ’s ice cream.

“I want to let you know you’re a complete idiot.” Rafe swallows harshly and steps closer towards JJ. 

For a moment, JJ thinks he might punch him by the anger in his eyes and how his fists are clenched tightly together. But the moment passes and Rafe remains quiet until JJ speaks. “Why?”

“She’s completely in love with you and you’re still here, ordering fucking ice cream.” Rafe spits, unclenching and then clenching his fists.

JJ’s shoulders slump. He wondered how the hell Rafe knew but he didn’t want to dwell on that. “Rafe, it’s complicated.”

Rafe shakes his head, a little calmer now. “No, it’s not. I loved her so much and when I told her, you know what she said?” He paused and only when JJ shrugged, did Rafe continue. “She told me she was waiting for a guy to find himself. So, have you found yourself?”

JJ nodded. “Yeah, but it’s been too long. She probably told you that months ago. My windows closed. Besides, she’s at Yale.”

Rafe shook his head incredulously. “She told me that last week dude.”

JJ felt like he might faint right there at this news. He felt light headed and he held onto Rafe’s shoulder and he tried to find his balance. After all this time, it wasn’t too late. After all this time, she still loved him. He looked back up to Rafe with a smile on his face. He stood straight back up, knowing what he had to do next. 

“Rafe, if John B asks where I’ve gone, tell him sorry, but I have to go see about a girl.”

Time, wondrous time

Gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies

And it’s cool

Baby, with me

Charlie had begun a running regimen when she started at Yale. They had a beautiful track on campus and before every class every morning, she would run for two hours, shower, and then go to whatever class she had that day. On days she had off, she would take her time and on Saturday mornings, when no one had classes, she took extra time. She would sprint for a couple moments, then jog and walk and start all over again. Since she started this exercise, she could see an improvement in her health and stress. Whenever her mind brought her to places she didn’t want to be, she would run. Running had begun to become her therapy, along with her actual therapy.

On that particular Saturday, she was running late; figuratively of course. She had slept through her 6am alarm and, by 7am, she was rushing out her dorm to get to the track. She had tried to always get there extra because after 8am, it got too crowded. But, as she rushed down the steps on her campus dorm and out into the crisp autumn air, she came face to face with a certain blonde boy.

When she finally recognized him, a gasp left her lips. He looked disheveled from his journey and while half of her wondered what he could possibly want from her, the other half was crying with joy because she knew.

JJ walked up one step of the stairs, the closest he’s been to her since all those months ago. “Charlie, I -”

“No speeches.” She cuts him off, wanting to know his answer but too impatient. “Just tell me if you know.” She can’t wait any longer. All of these months of waiting and praying and now he’s here. She forgives him. She forgave him months ago. But now, she needs to know if she’s wasting her time all over again.

“I know now.” JJ looks at her, breathless.

The smile on her face tells him everything he needs to know. She knows too.

And isn’t it just so pretty to think

All along there was some

Invisible string

Tying you to me?

~

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