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#wanting a hug but being ignored
clambuoyance · 2 years
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[DC] 🎵How I find myself without you that I’ll never know, I let myself go🎵
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astrolionking · 7 months
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Shoutout to Grandma Rosiepuff for gambling while her eldest grandson’s mental health was slowly declining bc he suddenly had to raise four little brothers on his own and that affected his brothers’ mental health.
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alltimefail-sims · 5 days
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If I don't post anything sims-related in a minute please know I'm not going anywhere and I will have original content soon, I'm just trying to fight my ADHD demons and all the distractions it loves (such as playing TS4 and mindless timeline scrolling) so I can make progress on the book I've been trying to write for a little over a year now <3 <3
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spookythesillyfella · 30 days
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i felt inspired after i saw an image and decided to just kind of remake this with my own spin on it
★ original image under cut :
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sat down to think about the Light's Out au and actually. yk. plan it out since i have Affection for it and Interest in it. and then my brain went "what about the aftermath though. why don't we meticulously plan that out" I'VE BEEN TYPING IN THIS DOCUMENT FOR FIVE HOURS straight GAY
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Mel for the unhinged character bingo!
yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS
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#ask me#so Mel is in the unenviable position of being a very strong character whose rights I support and whose wrongs I also fully support#BUT the way she's treated broadly in the fandom is so pervasive and so consistent and so frustrating to me that#I am in full -must protect my blorbo- mode with her at all times#-Mel's story is over so the only thing left for her to do is die-#-if Mel dies then J can get together with V and they will appreciate her for her sacrifice bc she died a hero who rejected Ambessa-#enough! enough I say!#what about proving to ambessa that she can take the throne for herself? what about the angst of defying her mother and her home country#and opposing those in Piltover who DO want war and want to raze the undercity#what about the magic that she's heavily foreshadowed to have and how it's different from hextech#and how it directly opposes but also parallels what is happening to Viktor#what about her -friends- abroad and the plot Mel was cooking through all of season 1 that has not been revealed yet#there's so much potential for her to have to confront the fact that J was slowly becoming a monster through season 1#and that she can't ignore the undercity forever#also what if whoever Ambessa says killed her brother comes after Mel too!#it is very frustrating to see Mel get dismissed as dead or evil or irredeemable or whatever when she is consistently#the most interesting person in the room in every single scene she's in and the character who shows the most conviction and change#so yeah i will take a bullet for her she is my blorbo I will despise any character who hurts her#and I would cradle her in my arms if she gave me a chance - which she would never! - but a girl can dream#however I also enjoy leaning into the idea that Mel is perceived as being a devil from the outside - Mel leans into it too when it serves#but it's in direct opposition to her ironclad values and the personality that she keeps hidden a layer down#I genuinely think that Mel will have a happy ending - or at least as happy an ending that an Arcane character can get lol#like I fully believe she will take the throne (Piltover) in the end but I can only guess at this point what that will cost her#I love putting Mel in situations but mainly to play with both how creative she can get and also how fucking far she will go to win#which is ANOTHER thing we know is probably true about Mel but has not been put on display yet#also Mel has already done a great job at separating what she wants for herself as a person from just being Ambessa's daughter#but Mel still deserves to get plenty of great therapy for that situation because OH GOD THAT CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK#also Kino is dead? maybe dead?? at least Mel fully believes he's dead so she needs therapy and hugs for that too#I am super normal about her can you tell
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puppygirldanhowell · 1 year
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new pfp hunt already to a TERRIBLE start why is he holding her like that :((((
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martyrbat · 11 months
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so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!
#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency#adults can be just as overwhelming or annoying—if not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid#then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and witty—youre just mean!!!#everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others#rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you#make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing#or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult#yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred#like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn#so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you#anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds#so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask#like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and#his mom said ‘i told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her alone’ and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking#doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie#and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it#(‘even though i heard its super cool!’) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me!#and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead!#and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is.#but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going ‘no way!’ ‘so it's a parallel universe...?’ ‘oh wow!’#like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid#who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it.#i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow#anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness
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bylertruther · 1 year
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dustin and will would be the cuddliest, touchiest, most affectionate boyfriends Ever btw . if u even care !!!!!!!! (and also the most verbally bitchy to everyone else) (while being cuddly)
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ihatebnha · 2 years
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I can't believe Bakugo canonically hates rain now that's so sad
No because… he looks outside and is happy it’s sunny. He thinks things like “the weather is so nice” and “it’s a beautiful day.” He likes the way sunshine feels on his shoulders, and being in patches of light that warm his whole body up.
And when it rains he gets all grumpy and antsy and just wants to hole up inside. He wishes that the sun were out. I’m gonna kill myself.
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caffeiiine · 3 months
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I wanna be cat :(
my cat looks so cozy and warm rnnnn
I wanna be cozy and warmm
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scattered-winter · 11 months
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horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh
#my cousin who i havent really seen in a while came up to me and asked abt my pronouns because i came out to the fam a while ago#and he didnt really remember what id said (which. fair. its a big family w lots of things to remember)#and so he asked what my pronouns were and i told him and he promised that if he ever messed up i needed to make him#do like 5 or 10 pushups lmao#and ngl. its the sweetest thing anyone in this family has ever said to me abt that#everyone else has kinda just. moved on. and either forgotten that im not a girl or purposefully ignoring it.#and idk maybe i should stand up for myself a little more but ive been practically a doormat all my life#and idk. its hard using my voice and establishing boundaries when ive let ppl bulldoze over me for almost 20 years.#sigh. anyway.#im gonna be thinking about that all day tbh it was genuinely so sweet#and i am also being consumed by The Loneliness again <3#just. i want someone to just talk to about all this??? someone who isnt in my family because they all have stakes in it too?????#we're all grieving. i aint special.#i just want to talk to someone about it in person so they can hold my hand while i cry myself to sleep because ngl#thats what it looks like we're doing tonight#im just. tired of feeling alone in this enormous family where it seems like im the only odd man out#and also ykw the Not Having Any Irl Friends loneliness too. thats also pretty significant.#not saying my internet friends arent great i love yall so so so much but it has just been .#a really really long time since ive had a good cry n hug session w someone.#sigh. im tired i need to go to bed#winter speaks#personal
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rakeshouseparty · 9 months
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Good morning rake gang i had a real weird dream and it involved rake!
#tpost#and hats mills#but the main thing that weirded me out was like some weird god-like entity that got free and turned the world into some weird mess and filth#and just altered the world physically and also idk mentally? idk if that makes sense#this all happened thru a course of apparently 200 years- there was some weird gross smelling covered window and i guess#it was some weird portal? to a future alternate timeline or something#the entity could talk too sounded like a funny old man- kept talking about the greatness of persistence and never giving up#rake was there and apparently the entity put them in a coma something about immortality and immortal beings#wasnt sure why i was dreamin bout hats Mills but then like the dream cut to an awake rake in some pitch black void with a very thin layer of#water beneath their feet- rake was just chilling but i guess mills got into the void? mental void? and just said hey 👋 and rake got very#very happy and hugged him tightly and#told him it’s been decades since they saw him and that they don’t know what happened#and then rake started to cry and it was gross bc it got on mills jacket and it was VERY awkward#anyways this was all crazy as fuck because it started out as me wanting to hunt down a cat because it stoll my solidsnake figure (WHICH#I DONT EVEN HAVE IRL SO???)#STOLE* lol ignore all spelling mistakes#but yeah that weird god like eccentric(?) entity that took over the world and#nonchalantly did whatever the fuck it wanted to anybody was fuckin crazy- it wasn’t SUPER HUGE but obviously Extremely large-#the size of like a small building- but they were also just spread EVERYwhere#above and below the ground- and there were flies EVERYwhere too ! weird lookin flies with weird small hands#kinda irritated me because i could hear them buzzing and talking (?) constantlty#and they just COVERED one random dude that got too close to like the god entity#dude just fuckin vanished i think they like ate EVERYTHING lol#should state hats mills didnt come from thay world? they went thru the gross portal thing like me(? i think i was me? or perhaps i was#someone else? idk with my dreams im always changing)#edit: i should add a fee more things id thay in that weird filth world full of like the flesh of a weird ‘god’ is that it was ALWAYS humid#shit was HUMID!!!!
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forgotten-daydreamer · 4 months
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tmi probably
my lunatic ass after telling my therapist "i have a thousand voices in my head all the time, and they tell me all the possibilities, so i deserve to know the future and i actually see it most of the times!" when he replies "not really. none of us can see it, you are just hyperactive and manic."
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#ignore ignore ignore ignore go away#doc started talking about inpatient wards and emergency rooms like?? no. i'm never telling you anything ever again. how dare you.#i know he cares about my mental health. but like. i don't know. i feel like i'm being gutted out like a fish#i might throw up#like how dare you tell me i'm manic?#like. i know. i know! i can see it. i can tell.#i just. how do i put it into words. i just need to do the stuff i do and i need the voices to keep going. they just have to be less loud.#also because not all of them are bad!! some just don't make fucking sense.#“you know there are things we can do together that can help if you would just trust me and yourself” impossible.#i don't trust anyone. i have like a thousand voices in my head. which one is me? are they all me? trust is- no. not doing that.#and like yes yes i have to trust others and deep down a voice wants me to since i asked for help but?#i am so confused.#“saying no is something that can be learnt” also impossible.#i want a hug.#and a beer.#and#idk#cuddle pile#that's still hug territory?#oh i miss my mom. she gives the best hugs.#i can't ask a friend to hug me can i?#no but it's not even the same. like a friend's hug isn't the same. just doens't hit the same.#but like. i'd take it.#and also i wouldn't ask my mom for a hug either. they just happen.#she hugs me a lot. and i do hug her back too. love it#but like. it's been 15 years since i last asked for a hug? more maybe?#i don't think i ever did. not like. not after i stopped going to my parents every night until age 9 because of nightmares#yes i used to go to my parents every night until i was old as hell. i know kids stop at 6. i stopped at 9.#and like yeah someone should have guessed something was wrong with my relationship with sleep but
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unproduciblesmackdown · 10 months
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already was musing on how like, here's an intro that's Establishing Things, and it's like, does it matter that we were given a quants interaction of winston being like "hey you were nice to me there, actually. it reminds me of how" only for rian to pull the nice maneuvers of not wanting to listen to him share anything, being willing to just issue an order to someone about what he gets to do (talk for ten seconds) and doing so, then some underwhelming flair used to insult him surely, i guess that he's so stupid(tm) or whatever. like, wondering does that mean anything really that that was just about rian being an asshole, as has been sprinkled in before, just little moments that deadend with winston just feeling Disheartened b/c rian was shitty for no reason. does it mean anything that she did anything for the quant duo before that in refusing a chance to not sit next to him. theoretically just a [we're still tmc] kind of choice to stick together, and sure didn't move her to even treat him like a person she dislikes, just a nonperson she also dislikes
and relatedly it's going to be just as hilarious as rian, what, implying winston hasn't heard / of the french language, that the theory that rian and dollar bill become some kind of duo based on being Hilarious(tm) but also just terrible to any & everyone and bullying people has only more plausible, And that this episode of billions' introduction / establishment of dollar bill is decidedly centered around "yeah nobody likes this guy or can stand to deal with him. not even the people paid to be there, not even the self-declared Too Nice guy who kept choosing hanging out with dollar bill & his bullying over working & hanging out with his friend taylor" so it sure doesn't seem like that's leaving much room for [oh that was an oversight] if dollar bills going to fuck off into mpc hq on the regular and rian's immediately going to be like of course i can roll with this fuckin asshole
and truly a distillation of "rian's supposedly gets the 'good' treatment of More Material & being taken more seriously by other characters, but this only meant that instead of any sense of character &/or her own actual subplots ever, she's whatever a different more prominent character needs for their plot at any given time; winston's peripheral funny little guy unimportance & insulting treatment is still so much better re: being a character" if winston gets the worst treatment of being shoved out of mpc by episode three and rian is graced with hanging around most or all season only to be judged & condemned to now have that loss of [quant duo] replaced with being insufferable bullying horrible person dollar bill's New Friend and like, right away, with ease. and like i was saying like i would not argue with that, if rian had the consistent principle of treating anyone with basic respect she wouldn't be treating winston as a nonperson, and of course she has a broader capacity for being an asshole to anyone at any point that's just drier and less [outbursts of physical aggression] than dollar bill's style.
no idea what rian's overall arcs could be when yknow, why is she here, why has she stayed here, her most relevance right now gets to be "has the dialogue capacity to talk about getting prince with a sex scandal. also has zero thoughts on how power factors into one rather than that you just need to be polite about it?" which only feels truly character specific when held up against "rian was supposedly bullied but also Above even hating the people who did it. but she is also a bully and not even especially emotionally detached about it, even though how she treats winston is more important than how she feels about it" like basically "also a bully" is her most coherent deal. and it's just Interesting that simply being mean to winston is again basically pointed out, and her future bestie or [put in the same shots duo status] dollar bill is Impending but the episode was like "yeah of course everyone hates this guy, for being awful" and the joke nonjoke the whole time that unfortunately rian might get along just fine with bill as workplace (and probably also life in general, it's not a honed strategy they limit to the office) bullies
so that That's what rian gets for getting to stick around, while winston Might get to be shoved out of the fund hq with any character flair from him and, i do unfortunately have to wonder harder now, maybe any relevance afforded to the way people have treated him, indeed maybe rian especially, his personal bully and abusive friend. and because other people also see rian as better than him & maybe also winston as [not a person], if winston does anything that's indeed deliberately petty, mean, Angry, etc, towards rian, That will be seen as unacceptable vs the yknow checks notes years of cruel interpersonal treatment from rian to winston, but nothing hangs in the balance on that front, people won't suddenly be like "nice. winston's a person to me now, which, why am i even in a position to Decide that" if he's shoved out & goes quietly & politely and creates no problems in return. and, very much like dollar bill, i don't think rian will change, but for winston's own sake it would be Heartening if he voices his experience such that we know he knows it was bullshit, even though of course rian, and probably anyone else, isn't going to choose to listen past 5 seconds, least of all when he's clearly indicating a general state of irritation. rooting for flair and idiosyncrasy for him and indeed that the best sources for that could be with taylor, please, the person he's always been here for, rian, the person for years now bullying him more than she does anyone else or more than anyone else does to winston, and even fun if there's anything with tuk his apparent genuine friend tuk, and by "fun" i mean "such a delight i daren't really think much abt it From Canon"
anyways the tl;dr i suppose is that winston getting apparently thrown away in the first third of the season is insulting treatment but rian getting to stay and be dollar bill's wretched bestie is truly the worse fate and basically that distillation of like. oh winston's bringing it on himself he's so annoying nobody likes him, while in actuality all the ways he's never fit in or done things "right" and how he would never have been hired if taylor hadn't done it are all compliments and endorsements. while rian's been viewed as a capable valuable person by all from the start and treated as Better Than even others who are still also seen people, but her "success" and the shit she gets to continue to do in how she treats people b/c nothing about being at work stops that and some things facilitate & reward it, see: also dollar bill being around the whole time & now also back, definitely include treating a friendly coworker any which way, which she usually chooses to be: badly. and of course shoutout to the thread of taylor being like "if you stay btw you'll probably get all fucked up" but like also rian just Brought the [i'm a bully but it's fine when i do it. it's bad when it happens to Me] stance from the start, but like, obviously always the opportunity to get worse and just be left off with that implication of Never Trying To Learn, just like your new good friend dollar bill
real tl;dr As Fates Go winston being shitted on & fired / driven to quit >>>>>>>> rian sticking around, befriending dollar bill. and like not in the way i'm arguing that the fate is worse like In Conceptual Quality. it's just a hell of a potential condemnation / indirect illustration of like, here's this person it's horrible to be around, here's a reminder rian is cruel to this coworker on a dime anytime, here's rian deciding the horrible person is Alright anyways. maybe they'll be busy with a bullying power struggle the whole time. and maybe winston will get to appear outside the fund actually. just really something to be going like "oh my god lmao rian and dollar bill might actually be specifically getting along well as fellow [be horrible to coworkers] bullies and assholes who feel Above It, it being many other people, this being a kind of requirement there" and to be wondering if billions will make this fact that rian's job is being an asshole more relevant at all, if even to be like yeah leaving off with a lost cause here, including that i really doubt winston can Get Through To her even with his ability & willingness to air his grievances, and like, as though oh actually winston brought it upon himself b/c rian just didn't knowww, that's on him and his visible pain & verbal expressions of that pain & requests that she stop which Weren't Enough, and as though maintaining that onesided dynamic for bullying and demeaning and shutting down and abusing was like an unconscious accidental coincidence every time and not its own Active Process, regardless of what the other person does or doesn't do, and with the agenda of maintaining that [i'm the person who chooses how things go; they're the object that reacts accordingly like it's laws of physics level of demands of reality] one-sided relationship, so they'd only just be looking to react to what that other person does or doesn't do in ways that serve those purposes anyway. sometimes rian's "nicer" but she's still the one deciding how everything goes, winston can only roll with it like a ball at the top of a ramp like, of course, unquestionable. cue space winston, zero gravity
haha another tl;dr. winston being disposed of is a warmer Fate to assign a character than rian's potential "of course she's friends with dollar bill now" like lmfao Ouch. but yeah of course.
#one wrench in things is no idea if [winston :/ing at rian hugging taylor out in the open] will play into anything#didn't seem to affect him now and if it was absolute Need To Know we might've been reminded. but it's billions; no guarantees#and similarly; whatever bullshit gets him shoved out &/or leaving on his own is bound to be unguessable#already dealing with tmc problems; being on on the floor; not much taylor time; though their being Away is new / unknown#winston billions#rian could've at least been nonbinary. but they can't be like no NO rian is not [still Questioning] [and in part thus still closeted too]#winston quant billions sees his new nonbinary person he wants to impress & will be penciling in [swoon about it] immediately#at least with taylor he's just largely had to deal with that distance / lack of access already in general#re: rian it's like yeah here's your new devoted bully to sit next to you who Doesn't actually want you to Never talk to her#b/c he has to have hopes to be dashed & speak up to be made to shut up & be more Available in general than if he Avoided her in general#iconic to take your autistic bestie's interest & hang out to engage w/them abt it until you lash out at them over it for chatting abt it#[rian calls winston a slur] is truly there in spirit even if it doesn't manifest#or that the difference in her & dollar bill is in just variations in affect & specific strategies. not in spirit#like she might do the office: you don't call [rworded] ppl [rwords]. it's bad taste. you call your friends [''s] when they're acting [''ed]#but that's also in a world where it's an episode abt everyone hatecriming winston for being himself Out as autistic#and idk if rian would refer to winston as a friend. she would if it kept him strung along with that hope on his end anyways but#5x05 through 5x07 riawin really had so much potential but it's being realized in taylip#and itself became ''yeah rian could get along fine with dollar bill'' b/c she won't regard winston as a person#true of many other people but they want to ignore him most of the time vs use him as a chew toy so
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milflewis · 1 year
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going to go lie in some grass and scream into the dirt or smth and see if things are a little better after that
#nothing like waking up at 6am to study for an exam that you are unbelievably fucked for and then getting a call an hour before said exam#to find out that a friend of yours is missing. bc. that’s. so .#and i’m not even in the same fucking county. what am i supposed to do about this#and i was told by a mutual person who i am no longer friends with bc of a falling out that was similiar to this lmao and woah#idk if u’ve ever answered a phone at 11am on 2 hours sleep. half high from exhaustion. 2 a person talkin to you with Hate in their voice#but it’s wild#if i ever die from a curse or smth it’s bc of her#i am so v bad with not being able to do nothing and i can feel myself shutting down and can and don’t want to do anything to stop it#just got to get through these exams and hope that she’s found and ok. i just. idk. i’m just tired and i want to hug her and have her tell me#about her gf who i find so annoying but she loves and steal her socks bc they have cool designs and watch spiderman like we’re 15 again#three days. three fucking days she’s been gone and no one told me#i want to not have to miss ppl. i want to not have to do another reading in a church. i want to refuse to eat her terrible baking. i want to#listen to her tell me everything i do wrong in life even tho that’s kind of awful. i want to sleep. i want. i want#ignore this i just needed to get it out so i didn’t give out to ppl where it wouldn’t do any good#at least i found out what was being hidden from me lol#delete later
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