I'm the wife in my marriage.
It's funny to me anyway. Funny to me because my wife is the very picture of femininity, loving, caring, sexy, pretty, beautiful wife, loving and adored by all her children. And a satisfied and hot for her husband.
But to me she is beautiful and terrible as the Dawn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love her and despair!
And yet she chose me.
So to all the hella ladies who rejected my advances? Y'all missed out. Because she saw in me what way too many people couldn't. And sometimes still can't.
And she wants to run my life. And the lives of our whole family. And we all kinda love it. Mostly. But it ain't worth the headache or heartache of fighting her on anything. She's Daddy's little princess and her mother is the loving matron and queen bitch of the family and we all stay in line. Mostly. I love to do my own thing too much for my own good. But it keeps our fights about stupid stuff instead of my weed use again.
(I'm dead ass functional and present from 6am on till I finally get my insomniac ass too sleep while high just to escape the constant anxiety about my sick daughter's upcoming surgery, my dying suegro, my mourning wife, disturbed autistic son, special needs princess Daddy's girl I'm spoiling her to death to make her just as powerful and ungovernable mother and it's working too well already. Have you ever negotiated with a hostile bitchy entitled as fuck child? )
Anyway, you wouldn't know it looking at me or talking normal chitchat, but I'm pretty fucking manly. In the way my culture defines manliness. I'm not very masculine. But I'm very manly.
I'm feminine as fuck in my household. I mother the kids, help their emotional development, work on my wife's emotional and mental well-being, and I'm the one never in the mood for sex. And I do every single thing she says. And then she does the discipline and management of the family's affairs. And she's the one who has to seduce me. Did I mention she was sexy as fuck? (While I'm awkward as fuck every time we even roleplay.) And a horny Latina. (That's why these horny sexy, nice, Latinos are taking over. It's natural selection. The Whites just can't compete and as usual are getting their panties in a twist over not being able to compete even with everything in their favor to out reproduce them all but it was too many kids for a nuclear family to handle Whites.) So beautiful hot queen sexy as fuck Latina seduces me every night. #blessed. So fuck yeah I don't wanna fuck up this arrangement. So I do everything she tells me to and treat her real good and let her win every argument and over apologize. Except when I make a rare exception to make a stand in something important or just to make some trouble and have some fun.
Oh yeah. She's a clean freak 😮💨 But she's an impatient Latina housewife perfectionist clean freak. So she gets mad at my perfectly good job when company isn't ever coming job and tells me to stop even trying to clean. Go play Minecraft with your daughter to keep her occupied.🤣
I have the best living situation ever. I'll be your bitch my bitchy highness. Just please keep playing with my hair on your lap. Oh, and that sucking my dick the way you do and being right 95% of the time on judgement calls.
So yeah I'm the wife.
And I got a pretty good life.
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Okay so I've seen it a few times now and there are people who genuinely believe the Squid Sisters have the least content out of every group. I mean, I get forgetting Deep Cuts but the Squid Sisters do have as much as Off The Hook. Sure, OTH is starting to look like favorites now but the SS aren't left behind. Here's an itemized list:
They're in every main story mode. They have three whole games about them. The concept of story mode revolves around them. Just because they aren't proactive in them doesn't make it not count. Their quips and banter are what made us care and learn about them. It did flesh them out. They don't have to actively help to be main characters and receive development. The only game you could argue that is Splatoon 3 but it has a writing problem in general. It did close their story, subtle but interesting and well-written (for what Splatoon is), across the three games.
A short story. They're the only ones who have that. That has insane development, providing a lot of details about them. Like, that's a MAJOR thing that's lore-dumping so many things.
They're in almost every concert. They're in all but two concerts. They're canon too. This gives them a lot of presence in the franchise.
Lots of illustrations. Makes sense. Of course they are with how long they've been around. Still an important sign that they're a major part of the franchise (obviously, the main story is about them). It's always nice to see them in different situations anyways. They also get some lore out of them, fleshes them out and whatever. Which brings me to my next point.
Different outfits. It's not only giving us a sense of how they dress, but it's telling a story. Said it before but, for example, we know Marie likes dressing up for Story Mode and be a mentor of some sort. If you pull that string, you can get that she's someone who puts on a façade depending on the occasion and likes teaching/guiding people, her idea of mature and cool is a traditional outfit from her hometown.
Special Fest variants. Yes, they all do. However, the thing that differentiates them is that this is outside their game and, even though they were mostly reskins, they did get fully new outfits and hairstyles which neither other groups did.
Technically, they got a DLC. Even if it's the old hub and basically promo for Side Order.
They're in Smash Bros. That's not nothing. They're not spirits, they're full-on assist trophies. They better be in it honestly, but it's still something they have over the other two groups. It solidifies their status in the franchise.
Many songs, including remixes. Obviously, but they're also on the Splatfest list which never happened before outside of special events. They started it in Splatoon 2's Final Fest and started it in Splatoon 3's regular Fests. They're trend setters! Which leads me to...
Boss Fight. Final Boss, even. Callie started it. Literally. She fought us. The fact that she was The Final Boss™ puts her above the others. They wish they were her.
Solos. They did it first. They've also got not one but two mash-ups of their solos so it gotta count. I would argue that theirs are special too as they're meant to be solo pieces while the Anarchy Poisons are always put together be it on the soundtrack or the concerts. They were made to, and it's lovely, as Deep Cut's continuing the trend OTH's set: a united group that values each other and their work over fame. Their music is made to be together. Anarchy Rainbow and its Poisons is just that, something that's all of them, always. They were also fused in every live version, and the in-game live version, unlike Tide Goes Out and Bomb Rush Blush. These were forcefully mashed up as each sang over the other, desperately trying to drown out their will and win this fight. It's only now, years later, that they get an unexpected mash-up, joyful and harmonious —which in a way is a part of their story, them reclaiming this song as they bring their solos together. The Squid Sisters are working for themselves, they now do whatever they want with their careers and what they sing, how they sing, when they sing is up to them and only them.
They're the end credits of every game. Special mention to Splatoon 3 that just sacrifices its own idol group for them. Unlike Splatoon 2, Deep Cut was involved in Story Mode and for all the 10 minutes they spent in it, the end credits should have been theirs as they sure as hell didn't get a DLC. Their equivalent was a last minute addition at that, unceremoniously added later on without much spotlight. Jeez, they could have had a second collab song instead or something!
They've got the final battle song for every game. Makes sense because it's their story and their games, it's the culmination of their work every single time. Unlike the credits, they at least shared the spotlight with Deep Cut... Hey, if Marie's their boss, doesn't that make her a part of their group or vice-versa? She better be, she's the one handling their paperwork after all (poor woman, it's a mess too and they're not spending wisely. Shouldn't have been talking about becoming a manager, Marie, you're getting roped up in too much silliness and Callie won't help).
Participation in 2 Final Fests. By that, I mean actually having a team and representing it. Otherwise, they're involved in every Final Fest.
Merch. I mean why wouldn't they have some?? But it had to be added. Special note for the concert CD and special edition. I guess I'd put there the interview bit Marie conducted in Splatoon 3's soundtrack bonuses. That's another bit of trivia/insight on her work. The Nintendo Magazine interviews also count as they're relevant to their characters.
Their song is a major part of their world and franchise. Calamari Inkantation has a special place in the lore and the franchise. It's THE song but also THEIR song.
4 amiibos. They might not give their outfits (which I kinda like because I'm not fond of how they did it for the others) but they give out gear related to their story, the game, and that we should have gotten. At least they're fixing that flaw I guess.
Storyline during the Splatfests. Not sure if it should be added but it did culminate into long lasting conflict between the two of them and started their storyline. Since it's missing in Splatoon 3, I think it should be noted. It fleshes them out and makes them feel a bit more alive, like they're affected by the results.
Most of these could apply to Off The Hook too. My point is that the Squid Sisters haven't been neglected, not from Nintendo's point of view. They're more than included, arguably the stars of Splatoon 1 and 3. The thing is that Off The Hook is the fan favorite right now so most of our attention is on them, not the others. The Squid Sisters have also been so ingrained in the franchise that we're used to it. We readily accepted they would be the stars of Splatoon 3 because they took over most of Splatoon 2 until Octo Expansion. We assumed the other two groups would get DLCs, or that Deep Cut would be involved in OTH's like in the Main Story, only to realize that Nintendo didn't give a damn and gave the spotlight to OTH alone in an attempt to replicate what Splatoon 2 did. Obviously, once we got over Side Order, we kinda realized this was unfair and that there was favoritism. It didn't help that OTH was featured in regular battles and that Splatoon 2 and 3 handled Splatfests differently, with special events and work done to the idols. We've come a long way since the first game, which itself had changed plenty during its time, so it feels unfair that the Squid Sisters didn't benefit from what the others got or for as long. That doesn't mean they didn't get a lot and weren't the favorites for a long time.
Now, I'm gonna address the thing that made me write this in the first place:
They do have a story and development. Just because it wasn't in your face doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Up until Splatoon 3, the story wasn't as obvious as it could be when it came to the idols. Marina's background is clear-cut, because you cannot be too subtle about it, but apart from some big lines, it wasn't directly stated, nor was her development in Octo Expansion (it's heavily linked to Agent 8 and the Octavian but the fact that she comes to be comfortable in what species she is and overcomes her fear of being found out and rejected should count as a story). She's fascinating and it's important to the world.
But that doesn't leave the Squid Sisters flat and boring. They had an arc! Them slowly resenting each other because of their time as Splatcast anchors, because they were always pit against each other, because of the way being an idol works, is a story in itself. It was bad enough to get Callie to free Octavio, who's a terrible, dangerous person as far as she knew then, and go to the Octarians, poor, underground enemies. The Hypno-Shades are more like heavily suggesting you to obey, we know that Callie had some sort of free will to put glitter, of all things, into their ink. She also was fully conscious of her actions when freeing Octavio, and we know this guy isn't a mastermind and world class manipulator. Marie wasn't doing much better, working a lot and being stressed. Fame drove them apart and broke Callie down to the point of going to people who wanted hers dead. She freed a war criminal. Once Marie saved her, mostly from her own despair, they decided to do their own thing. They didn't need fame or their careers. Family was more important. Tidal Rush was their solos crashing against each other, not listening and trying to sing over the opponent, until Marie blasted on a song that meant the world to them. The hymn of sea kind. The song that they won that fateful contest with when they were young, the reason why their dream came true. The song that they sang when safinf their dear grandpa, powerful enough to make Octolings give up everything and try to join the surface. A beautiful memory. Something that was theirs. And so they sang. Together. "I remember everything!" The innocent days they practiced for the contest, the terrifying ride to Inkopolis, the nervousness of their first Splatcast. But they were together. She wasn't alone. Marie had always been on her side. Neither of them wanted this. If it had been up to them, nobody would have compared them to each other. They wouldn't have been choices for their last Splatfest. It's a certain kind of cruel to ask which of the two teenage girls was the better one. Callie wasn't angry at Marie, she was angry at the system. She felt awkward, self-conscious, worthless because of her status as a celebrity, because she as a person didn't matter. Her comfort? Who cares. Take the photos, sing the songs, be careful to be perfect. She was overworked, isolated, and the only person she could count on was put in the same position and told she was a competitor.
Fresh Start is the two of them reconnecting away from show business. Going back to their roots. They stop being idols afterwards, they don't sing much anymore. They get their own careers. Callie slowly finds the strength to be in the spotlight after so long and goes back to acting, unlike Marie this seems to be more of her thing. Marie keeps on with her podcast, now using it to hype Callie up. Splatoon 3 even shows us that Callie is some sort of spokesperson, announcing that an Inkopolis stage will undergo reconstruction. She's rebuilding her career on her own and making it her own. The Squid Sisters, while some of the most people in the world, weren't recognized in the Splatlands. Sure, Shiver and Frye probably didn't give a damn about Inkopolis musicians but Big Man is a fan, he's even showed them their music, and he still didn't recognize them. They're known for their music, their names possibly for themselves. Splatoon 3 is the only game not to give them a story, even its details don't imply much. But the previous two games did.
It's a story of two girls who got famous too soon, too suddenly, and got eaten by showbusiness. It's two young women taking their power back and breaking free from the idol life. It's a family that managed to heal from the damage fame caused over the years.
I dunno but I think it's beautiful and I'm a sucker for stories that criticize being an idol and family coming together. The Squid Sisters' entire thing was being idols, that's their entire concept, especially identical ones which is dehumanizing enough. It's fitting and not something you'd expect out of Splatoon of all places but it's the kind of franchise that gets surprisingly deep and dark in its smallest details.
No, they're not neglected or underdeveloped. Their story is there, just not as flashy as you'd expect. Their presence is something we're so used to that we don't clock it anymore, moreso when the other group gets attention too. Splatoon 3 didn't handle the writing well, as fun and silly as it gets, and it shows in a lot of ways. It's easy to go "so what was the point of the Squid Sisters being there?" when the story didn't bother doing anything with them for once but they weren't the only one neglected nor did they not get content in other ways!
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