#it's sad but it's par for the course with life.. sometimes

[abyssalzones]

Hello! I really love your work in general and your OSDD Ford analysis, I have read it in full at least three times. There’s a line near the end about his different selves possibly becoming more organizing/appearing at different intervals, but you stop there for brevity. Would you care to share any further thoughts? (It’s fine if not.)

Thank you!!

Hi! Really glad to hear you liked it, wait did you say three times? that's nuts. god damn.

I could definitely elaborate, although I want to note that while in part I did stop there for brevity's sake I did also stop there for the sake of making a more unified point- and, importantly, I didn't want to drift too far into the realm of speculation. Or "just making shit up." I often have a hard time positing something if I don't feel it's being elaborated on from a textual basis... which might be kind of goofy when we're talking about a fanbase that was mostly AU content at one point but whatever I've chosen to die on this hill. Anyway.

All my thoughts about OSDD are highly influenced by my experiences with it obviously, therefore my thoughts are probably going to conflict with someone else's, but I think any "organizing" that would happen with separate parts would be heavily influenced by everything in ford's life calming the fuck down and not requiring a rotating cast of coping mechanisms. For example: a good chunk of clarified parts in real DID/OSDD experiences can be classified as introjects. Despite what you commonly see in online subgroups (no judgment, obviously) these introjects are often of real people that might be influential in your life.

repost of funny little comic I drew for effect ^

in my experience these things work on like... the basis of when they're Needed most. if ford is living in a healthy consistent environment with people who love him and can already provide assurances, I think the need to supplement that with any sort of internal coping mechanism would subside. then again, people are vulnerable when they're still trying to settle in a safe space after trauma, it's possible to invent an internal threat to, paradoxically, make circumstances feel more "predictable." coughs loudly. bill already existed functionally in ford's head 90% of the time so it just kind of feels par for the course that a shadow of him is going to stick around. maybe that seems sad or foreboding but I think it's just a normal part of coping with something that haunted you for half of your life. idk.

do I think these mental aspects would manifest outwardly? as in, like, fronting? not really. However I think if anything was noticeable it'd be a difference between like, "panic mode" ford(s) and "normal human citizen on earth" ford. I could definitely see a distinction of perspectives and ability between a self that exists out of pure survival (and probably still thinks he's in sci-fi hell or whatever) and the self that just chills and writes detailed notes on supernatural plants in his journal. there's also something to be said about [the entire fucking thing I wrote about dead alters and the perception of traumatic events as a type of death] and whether or not a part can actually meaningfully "die." sometimes the part of you you thought was a ghost is actually just scared as fuck and when things get less scary they start to come out of hiding. to put it vaguely.

all of these things can be attributed to other aspects of ford as a character: his c-ptsd, potential hallucinations and delusions, broader themes of death and revival irt trauma recovery, etc. but I think of any OSDD analysis I make as like, an extension of all of those things, if that makes sense.

to close off on a meme that nobody has used in years:

[kairiscorner]

Hi!!! I absolutely LOVE ur writings. Not sure if ur requests r open but do u mind if I request a spider noir x reader where they have a daughter together and one day when y/n walks in to check on noir and their daughter they see their daughter putting a bunch of makeup and accessories on him 😭😭😭 I think it would be so cute and funny!! I love the way you write spider noir btw, he’s my fav and ur fics are amazing!

HI ANON !! yep, my requests are open :DD sorry i'm super slow and easy to sidetrack though 😭😭😭BUT THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENTS AND IDEA !! I LIVE FOR DOMESTIC PETER PARKER AAAAAAAA @thecoolerdor i hope this is to your liking boo <333

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

you trusted your husband peter with all your heart, so much so that you agreed to have a family with him. you could still remember that day when you announced to peter you were pregnant. oh, his little sequences of jumping up and down from happiness, the tears of irrefutable joy falling down from his eyes as he picked you up, spun you around and kissed you all over--his smile... oh, his charming, loving smile that you hoped your little one would have once it'd be born.

and nine months passed, nine wonderful, peaceful months passed, and your little bundle of joy was brought forth into the world; she was a girl. you could remember the moment when peter held your little girl in his arms--he choked on his own tears of love and unbridled joy, hearing her coos and her reaching for his glasses as he looked down at her with the brightest smile on his face.

"i promise you, my love... i'll keep both you and our daughter safe. i'd risk my life to see her grow up happily and normally. i... oh, i... i love you both so, so much." he said with a soft, genuine-sounding voice as he looked at you with glistening, teary eyes as his daughter grabbed hold of his glasses, and you both chuckled as tears came from both of your eyes, celebrating your new chapter in life as parents, as a family.

three years passed, and peter has since spoiled his little princess rotten. she has your hair, and his beautiful gray and brown eyes. she has his smile, which makes you melt when they both flash a smile; their dimples evident on their cheeks as the curves of their mouths become more prominent at the sides. peter's always loved his little girl more than anything and anyone. and of course, he always lets her know he's there for her; that daddy will protect her and keep her from feeling sad, hurt, or lonely, or anything bad. he's her light in the darkness, her superhero, literally and figuratively; he set the standard for her who a man should be in her life, and she loves him to bits.

you never felt jealous that your daughter preferred peter sometimes over you, you couldn't be, seeing as how, despite being spider man and a working man, he was always her father and he always delivered and did his job to the very best of his ability. though you trusted peter so much and believed in him, you were still worried if he knew what to do when you, the only one keeping the house together when peter's gone with no other adults in the house, would be gone for the whole day to run some errands.

"oh, you'll be out the whole day?" peter asked you as he held his daughter in his arms and sat her down on his lap as she played with her dolls. you nodded. "yeah, i have a lot on my plate today, i can finish them up by tonight." you explained. peter smiled up at you as you spoke. "that's okay, you gotta do what you gotta do." he said with a chuckle as he tickled his daughter, blowing a raspberry against her cheek, making her squeal and laugh, with you and peter laughing, too.

"are you sure you two will be okay while i'm gone...?" you asked with a concerned tone in your voice. peter smiled up at you and carried his daughter in his arms as he put a hand on your cheek. "hey... it'll be okay, we'll be okay. i'm peter parker, spider man, and i'm your husband, you don't have to worry. i can try doing what you do for a day and survive. at least i hope i can, but we'll be alright, love. i promise." he said as he leaned over to plant a sweet, soft kiss on your lips. you kissed him back, and it was in that kiss that you felt as though peter was emphasizing to you that he's got this, that you don't have to worry about a thing.

you pulled away soon and peter's hand found its way to your cheek again. "alright, then. i trust you." you said as you put your hand on the back of his that held your cheek, and you leaned over to kiss your daughter and say goodbye to her. "bah-bye! i wub you!" your daughter beamed with a flying kiss notion that you taught her, which made you and peter giggle at her cuteness.

they'll be okay. right?

you soon came home after 7 hours of running errands and buying groceries for dinner, thinking of your dear husband and darling daughter back at home. you headed home and opened the front door, all expectations of them being in the living room gone as they were nowhere downstairs. "peter? loves?" you called out for them as you put away your coat and kicked off your shoes by the entrance.

you climbed up the stairs where you heard faint giggling in your daughter's room and the air filled with high pitched laughter from your daughter and low chuckling from your husband. you smiled and sighed to yourself in relief as you entered the your daughter's room after knocking a few times. "loves?" you called for them as you peeked your head in through the door.

there, you bore witness to the sight of peter being slathered on with your makeup; your lipstick, mascara, blush, and eyeshadow were not spared. your necklace and earrings were on peter, dangling on him all lopsided. "oh, dearest!" peter called out with a crooked smile, with lipstick streaking down past his lips as he smiled up at you.

your daughter greeted you with a hug and asked you to come over and sit down at her little makeup parlor. you chuckled instead of getting mad, how could you when your daughter was so... talented at beautifying her own father?

you looked at peter as you sat down with him on the floor as your daughter took the rest of your makeup, with peter wrapping his hand around your waist and smirking at you. "don't i look absolutely irresistible, love?" he asked in a low voice as he adjusted his glasses and wink at you with the mismatched eyeshadow on his eyes and such exaggerated eyelashes from your mascara.

you couldn't stifle the laugh any longer, and out it came as you erupted in peals of laughter as you rested your head against peter's shoulder at how ridiculous he looked. peter chuckled low as he put his other hand under your chin. "i get it, you're wishing i could be as pretty as you..." he said as he leaned over and pressed a kiss on your lips, your lips now two different shades of lipstick as you kissed him back.

"i wish you just gave her crayons instead of my lipstick, but seeing you like this..." you said as you rested your hand on his chest as he leaned his head against yours. "it makes me remember just how much you love her, so willing to let her do anything with and to you, like a good father does." you said as you pulled him in for another kiss. your daughter soon came back to do your makeup now, and you pulled away from him, giggling still at how exaggeratedly beautiful he was like this.

a/n: THIS SHIT MELTING MY HEART FRRRRR

tags !! @thecoolerdor @miguelswifey04 @binibinileonara @k4tsu3 @luvstarrstruck @connors-cumslurper @maxoloqy

[trafalgarya]

Blue Lock with a S/O who's exactly like them

With : Itoshi Brothers, Meguru Bachira, Ryusei Shidou.

gn!reader, mentions of girl/boy.

manga spoilers !!

(Warning : Probably swearing from Rin and Shidou, mentions of/actual sex with Shidou).

Rin Itoshi

(omg he's so hotjinofrçufrauib)

Soooo

Y'all know how Rin is, right ?

A living tsundere and i'm not even exagerating it.

It was hard for Rin to confess his love to you. After all, he have other things more important to do. like winning against his brother

It was after the Blue Lock Eleven vs National U-20. He finally could beat his brother in a 1v1, both in flow.

Well, he didn't exactly beat him, but was on par with.

And you watched this match, completely shocked by Rin's talent. Who could tell that "Itoshi Sae's little brother" was so strong ? You never doubt of his talent, of course, but you always considered Sae to an another level.

You can already tell it, the confession was... well, cold. But he had a hard time expressing his feelings. He always keep a neutral face, after all.

It took a long time for him to form a sentence, but he went straight to the point.

"Y/N, i... enjoy your company. More than others. Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend/partner ?"

With a slight smile, you accepted, leaning towards him to put your arms around his neck.

Did i forgot to mention that it was in private ? Of course, how could one of you even show something in public ?

Not any PDA, or, at the very least, hand holding. That's a litteral no, and he already knew that you would agree.

So, it's generally everytime in private that you would kiss each other or cuddle.

He likes silence, so whenever you're by his side, even if you don't talk, it's a peaceful moment that Rin love.

You two would wake up around the same time, early, taking your time to eat a breakfast and then practice. Not even football, just running on the street or some yoga.

Anyways, he loves when you're by his side. Losing you would be a disaster.

Of course, he often talk about his brother. You know his past with him, but you still don't understand why Sae changed like that.

I don't think Rin would introduce you to his brother. If, by any chance, you've met Sae, it was on accident, like walking on the street and he would recognize you as his brother's partner, but you wouldn't exchange too many words, acknowledging Rin and Sae's actual relationship.

Sae Itoshi

Your relationship with Sae is quite perfect. Let me explain.

When you started to construct a friendly relationship with Sae, he was, as always, so quiet and neutral. He didn't had any reasons to act otherwise, right ?

But it didn't took a long time for both of you to fell for each other. Sae like your personnality and maturity before all, so don't worry about your body, Sae would not give a fuck.

He still find you attractive, of course, but it's not what made him fell in love with you.

Even without saying it, you two started a relationship. It was Sae who initiated your first kiss.

It.

Was.

Perfect.

He was soft but could translate his love for you on this kiss. No doubt that you love to kiss him so much.

It was that kiss that officially sealed your relationship.

And from now on, he promised to himself to never lose you.

He trust you with his life. Cheating ? Why would you, you started a relationship with him because you only wanted him.

Like his brother, Sae don't really like PDA, but he wouldn't reject you if you hug him or kiss him on public.

Now, unlike his brother, Sae love to wake up late, even though he have to wake up early sometimes because of business. But when he has nothing to do, he enjoy sleeping late with your company. He's usually the one who's waking up first, and he take that time to admire your peaceful sleeping face, placing his hand on your cheek and softly kissing your lips, which sometimew wake you up.

And when you wake up like this, the first thing you see is Sae's gentle and loving smile as his thumb is caressing your cheek. Yeah, he love these moments. You can be sure that he won't be angry or sad for the rest of the day.

Breakfast in bed ! If you don't wake up when he kissed you, he take the opportunity to make the breakfast, and putting it on the nightstand while he wakes you up, showering your face with kisses.

He would sometimes talk to you about his brother, if you ask him or simply if he want to. He already told you his past with him, but you support him anyways. You hope that their relationship will improve in the future, just to see him happy.

Meguru Bachira

You both started a relationship as friends when you meet at Blue Lock. Yeah, you were one of the 300 strikers that Ego Jinpachi himself chose to be the best.

Both of you would hang out after training or match, often with Isagi, talking about everything. Your family, life, school... All that stuff, you know.

Like Sae, Bachira quickly fell in love with you. In fact, he fell for you when he first saw you. And he started to cherish you even more when he saw that you were exactly like him.

It didn't take long for him to confess to you, too. But he didn't did it with words. He just kissed your lips and looked at you with that smile that you love so much. When you kissed him back, he blushed while smiling even more. Too cute for your little heart.

Will act like a litteral child with you, often puffing his cheeks when you don't agree with him and things like that.

You can already tell it, THIS MAN LOVES PDA. You can be sure that Bachira would, at the very least, kiss your cheeks every 10 minutes. And you too, since you love PDA too.

Definitely introduced you to his mother. His mother immediately loved you for the fact that you accepted his "weirdness", and she would laugh when she discover that you're basically a second Meguru. You're now a part of the Bachira family.

You two have sleepovers. On Blue Lock, when you two are awake but the others are sleeping, you quit the room to go to the training one. And you pass hours to play football, constantly improving your dribbling or your level in general. And when you're done, you go back to the room, quickly falling asleep in each other's arms.

Or at his/your house, you both go to his/your room, watching horror movies/animes all night or doing TikToks.

Ryusei Shidou

(ngl i love him but he scares me a bit-)

Ryusei Shidou. The "Horny Demon", as Sae stated.

First of all, you are the crazy/psychopatic duo, constantly fighting each other for fun or teasing Sae.

He sees you as the perfect partner, but it was at the start.

Unlike others, and like Rin, it took some time for him to actually developping feelings for you. I don't know why, but i see Shidou as someone who's not falling in love easily.

When he confessed to you, it was as crazy as always. You started a fight, and when one of you couldn't fight anymore, he approached you and took your hand, twinning your fingers as he kissed you. Unlike his personnality, this kiss was soft and relaxing. You smiled a bit and kissed him back. Let's just say that you two continue to fight this night, but... differently. Mostly you screaming though.

Yes, the first night.

Anyways, a relationship with Ryusei is... full of adventures, to say least. Always want to pick you up to some places or play football with you.

This man is horny 24/24, especially with you. So prepare for a lot of sex, at least 2 times per week. Yes, that's the bare minimum.

PDA ? What's this ? Oh... That's what all people should do, right ?

Yes, you've figured it out, Ryusei is an absolute fan of PDA. Always taking your hand, placing kisses on it. Or hug. Or kisses. All of that, yk.

He wake up late too, but there's a reason for it. Not because he is like Sae, a lazy man. He just can't sleep. So when he finally fell asleep, be ready to have a literal panda as a boyfriend.

(i will write for Michael Kaiser when i will read the manga more, i'm currently where he appear. and bro- when he said "on your knees, Blue Lock", i was really about to 😭)

[golvio]

I’m still sad that we never see TotK’s Overachiever Supreme Ganondorf ever interact with anyone outside of the main cast (which tbh is par for the course for most Ganons, considering Nintendo’s allergic to anything that could potentially humanize the guy).

What I’m most sad about is that we never got to see him meet Kohga. This is partly because now we’ll never get to see Kohga realize with horror that he has pledged his eternal servitude to He Of The Unending Training Regimen, who will not tolerate a lieutenant who relies exclusively on the temporary effects of performance enhancing bananas.

Like, the dude thought he knew what living with a chronic overachiever was like with Sooga, but Sooga was also his subordinate would never disturb the master’s naptime in order to invite him on his early-morning sand jogging cardio routine. Ganondorf, on the other hand, has no such restrictions. On top of that, he’s likely nocturnal. Kohga will never get a good night’s sleep again. In fact, his midday naps are likely the only way he’ll ever get any sleep for the rest of his life.

If they do butt heads in the next Musou game, I expect Kohga to mutter the phrase, “You know, I liked you better when you didn’t talk,” under his breath at least once.

Remember, kids: always do very thorough research on the supernatural entity you plan to pledge yourself to. Sometimes the threat of immediately getting your soul eaten is less unbearable than personality conflicts.

[baldwinivmybeloved]

⇅ ♪﹒🌼﹑Charper Nineꜝꜝ✩﹒ Xica X Baldwin IV

France, 1163

The fresh, fragrant air gently drifted between the fields of lavender and the rolling vineyards. The rich, generous land nurtured the hearts and souls of those who lived there. Castles rose majestically over green hills, their towers pointing to the sky like fingers imploring divine blessings. In this idyllic landscape, poetry intertwined with daily life, like rivers winding through the valleys, carrying whispers of ancient stories and future dreams.

In one of these wealthy houses, an African woman stood on the verge of a momentous event. The slave Luisa, accompanied by her master Emile Par Bertrand, a French count and poet, was about to give birth. The scene might seem unusual, but it was more common than it appeared. Emile, a man of great talent and restless heart, had a romance with Luisa after the tragic death of his wife, who took her own life due to the count's infidelities.

Emile watched with expectation and worry, his eyes reflecting the uncertainty of a future yet to be written. Luisa, with her face beaded with sweat and fierce determination, gave birth to a girl who turned out to be more beautiful than all the roses in the garden. Her brown skin resembled the color of a hazelnut, and her deep brown eyes sometimes appeared green under the right light. Emile was completely enchanted by the little one.

"Luisa, you've brought a true wonder into the world," Emile murmured, his voice filled with emotion.

Luisa, exhausted but happy, nodded. She knew her daughter would have a complicated future, but Emile offered her an unexpected possibility.

"Luisa, you can stay in the mansion, but this child must be raised as a noble. She must never know you are her mother," Emile said, his tone firm but with a compassionate look.

Luisa accepted the offer, her heart divided between joy and sadness. Emile called the best doctors to examine the girl and ensured everything was kept secret. The little girl grew like a flower in the garden of the mansion, unaware of the shadows lurking in her true origin.

The girl was named Xica, a name meaning "flash of lightning" or "bright lightning." From an early age, she lived up to her name with her lively curiosity and insatiable desire for knowledge. One day, while walking through the garden, Emile stopped to observe a flower.

"Look, Xica, this flower is like you: unique and full of life. Each petal tells a story, and each story is a poem waiting to be discovered," Emile said with a smile, seeing the girl's eyes light up with interest.

"Dad, can you teach me to write poems?" Xica asked, with a mix of innocence and enthusiasm.

"Of course, little one. Poetry is the language of the soul, and I'm sure your soul has much to say," Emile replied, embracing his daughter tenderly.

Emile dedicated himself to raising Xica in all possible skills. He taught her to read and write, to speak with the eloquence of an intellectual, and, surprisingly, to wield a sword. On one of those training days, father and daughter faced each other in a friendly duel.

"Careful, Dad! This time I'll beat you!" Xica shouted, wielding her sword with unexpected skill for her age.

"We'll see, little warrior. The key is in balance and anticipating your opponent's move," Emile replied, skillfully blocking an attack.

Their laughter filled the air, a melody of love and complicity that echoed through the mansion's walls. However, Emile kept a secret: despite his position as a count, he was a revolutionary man who wrote poetry with high tones and subversive content that displeased the church. His publications, though anonymous, had a considerable impact on the society of the time.

Life was good for Xica until she turned eight. On a rainy night, everything changed. Emile was accused of being the author of the subversive writings. With a heavy heart, he hid Xica and asked Luisa to take the girl and reveal the truth.

"Luisa, you must take Xica. Take care of her and tell her the truth about her origin, but keep her as a slave for her own safety. Here are jewels and money. Escape before they find you," Emile said, his voice breaking with emotion.

Luisa nodded, taking the sleeping girl in her arms. Emile handed her an old diary, a relic filled with memories and teachings.

"Goodbye, my little one. Be strong," Emile whispered, kissing his daughter's forehead for the last time.

The king's guards arrived along with the priest and took Emile away. His sentence was hanging, and with his execution, the lives of Xica and Luisa plunged into uncertain darkness.

Luisa followed Emile's instructions to the letter. After the count's execution, the slaves and their belongings were distributed. Xica and Luisa were taken in a slave caravan bound for Jerusalem, where King Almaric had requested new servants for his castle.

During the journey, Luisa decided it was time to reveal the truth to Xica.

"My little one, I have something very important to tell you," Luisa began, her voice trembling as she held Xica in her arms.

"What is it, Mom?" Xica asked, noticing the seriousness in her mother's eyes.

"Your father, Emile, was a great man, a count and a poet. He raised you as a noble because that's what you are. But he was accused of terrible things, and now we must live as slaves to stay safe," Luisa explained, tears falling as she spoke.

Xica, though still a child, understood the gravity of her mother's words.

"I promise I'll be strong, Mom. And someday I'll reclaim what we've lost," Xica said, with a determination that surprised Luisa.

During the same journey, they met an orphan named Xavier and an old man named Jacobino, who claimed to be able to predict the future and reveal hidden truths. Both became part of the small family seeking a new beginning in foreign lands.

Upon arriving at the castle in Jerusalem, Xica and Luisa were fortunate to be assigned less arduous tasks. They took care of general cleaning, laundry, and cooking. Despite the challenges, they found solace in the kingdom's justice and the kindness of some of its inhabitants.

Xica, now a more mature child, had to hide her abilities. She pretended to know nothing while learning the common language of the place. Latin, however, was not a problem for her, thanks to her father's teachings. She watched enviously as the little princess and her brother played, longing for a life that had been denied to her.

One day, while attending to her duties, Xica, now ten years old, was found crying in a corner of the castle. A soldier had hit her for a trivial mistake. At that moment, a young Prince Baldwin IV, also ten years old, approached the scene.

"Stop!" Baldwin shouted at the soldier, his voice full of indignation. "How dare you treat a girl like this?"

The soldier, surprised by the prince's intervention, immediately backed off.

"My apologies, my prince. It won't happen again," the soldier said, bowing before retreating.

Baldwin knelt beside Xica, who continued to cry silently. With unexpected tenderness, the prince took a flower from the ground and offered it to her.

"Don't cry anymore. Here is a flower. It is as beautiful as you," Baldwin said, his voice soft and comforting.

Xica looked up, her eyes still filled with tears, and took the flower with trembling hands.

"Thank you, my prince," she whispered, just as she was about to say more, Baldwin was called by one of the castle's tutors and had to leave.

The little Xica watched him walk away, her heart beating with a mix of gratitude and admiration. Despite the shadows surrounding her life, at that moment, a small light of hope began to shine in her heart, promising a future yet to be discovered.

During a quiet night, Luisa and Xica sat around a campfire with other slaves, including Xavier and the old man Jacobino. The campfire was a refuge of warmth and companionship amidst the uncertainty of their lives.

"Jacobino, tell us one of your stories," Xavier requested, his eyes shining with anticipation.

The old man smiled and settled in, ready to speak.

"This is the story of a girl who was born to change her destiny. Although born in darkness, her inner light would guide her through the shadows," Jacobino began, looking at Xica significantly.

Xica listened intently, feeling that Jacobino's words resonated with a hidden truth.

"That girl would grow to face great challenges, but with each obstacle, she would become stronger. She would find allies in unexpected places and discover that her true power lay in her heart and mind," Jacobino continued, his voice filled with wisdom.

After the story, Jacobino approached Xica and whispered in her ear:

"Never forget who you are and where you come from, little one. Destiny has great plans for you."

[vvatchword]

For a long time I experienced day-killing, life-ruining sinus headaches. They would absolutely wreck me. They'd knock me out for days at a time. I'd wake up with pain over and behind my eyes. Sometimes it was bad enough that I would throw up. I would have to avoid screens, light, and heat. Others have described these episodes as migraines to me, but I really don't think they are, even now. I never had any of the other migraine symptoms, like auras.

It was relatively easy to blame certain traits--dust storms and high-pollen days being the most obvious. But as to fixing it? Jesus christ i didn't know. So I went on a long trek over a period of 4 years to figure out how to stop these motherfucking headaches.

Early on, I tried pain medication, which only dulled the pain a little; this was par for the course for me, since medication has a reduced effect on me in general. I progressed to sitting in hot showers with the lights turned off. I started using something I called "Magic Drink," a preworkout supplement full of caffeine and amino acids called "NO Xplode" (originally I mixed another amino acid mix in it, and even now I use lemon juice to give it a little substance). This would outright kill lighter episodes. Eventually I began using something called a "Sinuspik" to cleanse my sinuses--think Neti Pot, but with vibrations (god it feels good when your snoot is sad). These solutions were hit and miss, unfortunately. Some days were just so bad that it didn't matter if I used all of them at once.

So I went in for allergy shots. This actually worked, but it didn't solve everything. Mostly, they reduced length and severity of episodes. I still had bad days every two weeks or so.

Found out I had sleep apnea. Got a CPAP machine. Friendos, this was the first big solution: turns out I was snoring and fucking up my sinuses in the night. I was able to reduce episodes dramatically using this.

But STILL! The headaches continued.

The final piece of the puzzle: I have bad anxiety and grind my teeth day and night. Turns out that a combination of my unique bite and my anxiety caused the tension to travel up my teeth into my sinuses. I invested in Invisalign, something I had always rolled my eyes at (lol who gives a fuck about straight teeth amirite). I had to pay for it with my credit card and I'm fucking glad I did: like magic, the episodes completely disappeared. My life may be shitty as fuck but I'm not nauseous and dying of boredom in a dark, quiet room because of it. A combination of corrected bite and effective retainers was all I needed.

The last couple of days I have fallen asleep without my usual protections--the Invisalign retainers and the CPAP--and this forgetfulness has reminded me of my hubris. The solution to my problem was no magic pill: it was multiple solutions. The Invisalign in particular was not something I expected or looked for, and I thought I'd mention it in a public place in case it's a solution you haven't considered.

I never see anyone talking about this, so I wanted to suggest something in case it helps you as much as it helps me.

[metalhealth-willdriveyoumad]

I’ve seen a lot of people (online and in my real life) talking about how, even though it feels weird, it’s okay to feel sad or nothing at all after someone you’ve had a rocky, abusive, etc relationship (parents, partners, whatever). And that’s 100% true, but there’s something else I’ve never really seen anyone else talking about that I’m sort of dealing with right now. 

Sometimes you’re going to be angry.

Maybe it's because they left you, even if you haven’t seen them in years. Maybe it’s because they never really got retribution for what they did. Maybe it’s because how dare they put you through all these emotions. Maybe there’s no reason for it at all.

And that’s all okay. 

It’s a lot to deal with and it can feel really, really wrong, but that’s unfortunately just par for the course for this kind of situation. Because of its nature, stuff like this is always going to be messy. Grief is complicated and messy and rough when it’s over someone you had a good relationship with, it’s a whole different animal when you didn’t.

As someone who’s wrestling with this for really the first time myself, I’m not exactly in a position to give advice, but I can say that this is an okay thing to feel. You’re not broken, you’re not a bad person, you’re just in a screwed up situation that you should never have been put through in the first place.

[fourseasonsfigs]

Waist like Willow

Here's the second one of these figs in this series, following up on yesterdays Die or Go.

This impressive testament to A-Xu's waist skills is of course from episode 7:

Not sure what I did to the sound in this, but you can definitely see the inspiration for this fig.

The set arrived with the base, A-Xu's straw hat (complete with handy chin-straps to keep it on during acrobatic events), and the bonus puzzle piece.

You can see that unlike the Lao Wen figure from yesterday, A-Xu has an indent for a base peg in his foot. To be fair, A-Xu is doing some pretty significant waist work in this scene! This is a good shot too of how complete the modeling is from a 360 degree angle all the way around. I really like how both this and the Lao Wen figure are fully-finished.

This is such a fun fig I took a lot of extra pics from all angles. We'll go with the top first...

Then the normal front on view. Very different than the usual! The peg holds him very securely, which I wasn't quite sure it would, just given the ultra-dynamic pose. But no, he's plenty stable.

I hadn't realized until after I had taken all these pics that I didn't have his foot quite pushed down all the way on the peg, so I went and firmly pressed him down just now.

Beautiful modeling on this. The fig maker did an incredible job on both these figs - I can't wait to get the rest of the figs in this line!

From the back. A-Xu's hat fits really well on his head too - I just pushed down the straps and strapped it right on. It's nice and secure.

Alright, now that we're done with the normal 4-sides and top and bottom shots, on we go with some different angles to get the full effect from this fig.

You can see how well the hat strap fits here.

A-Xu has his very serious face on here. He's not necessarily enjoying kicking ass, he's just doing what he has to do. That's ok, we're enjoying it enough for him!

I love this angle. The business end, so to speak!

Here's the extra puzzle piece bonus purchase for this set, in a larger version so you can see the artwork better:

He's looking very ethereal there. Here's the full set of puzzle pieces so far:

Wait, you say, why is there three puzzle pieces when you've only shown us two figs in this series?

Sharp eye, clever figthusiasts - that's because (very sadly) the fig maker canceled the top left fig set you see in the puzzle piece. It was supposed to be this delightful rendition of this behind the scenes moment:

The fig maker couldn't get the modeling to work out right, even after many tries. I certainly respect the maker canceling it rather than issue a sub-par product, but this is such a wonderful BTS moment that it's sad not to see it come to life!

The fig maker was kind enough to send along the puzzle piece (if you had ordered it with the fig) when the refund was issued for the fig, so that we could have a full set. I really appreciated that - I was already bummed out about the fig, so at least having the full puzzle set will be nice.

The box was less beat up than Lao Wen's box from yesterday's post, and has the same combo artwork from that one as well. I have absolutely seen some enterprising JZP posts with this (and other) poses on Weibo. I have a different pose plan in mind myself for this fig that I'll have to put together sometime for everyone's enjoyment.

Material: PVC for the fig, resin for the base

Fig Count: 207

Scene Count: 18 (this doesn't count as a scene either!)

Rating: Flexible like a willow branch and light as catkins

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

[grapesodatozier]

mike wheeler trying on nancy's dresses thoughts feat supportive big sister nancy and her supportive gf robin <3 (warning for time period typical homophobia)

nancy would let mike borrow her dresses when he was little. she also taught him makeup, which he had a lot of fun with, but he liked the dresses better bc they took less work and the makeup sometimes lingered in a way that made him self conscious and anxious. but he loved wearing the dresses, and nancy would sometimes get mad bc sometimes he’d spill syrup on them or break the zipper so she’d stop letting him borrow them for a bit, but then he’d pester her until she gave in and let him try them on again.

until one day, when mike is about 10 or 11, he stops asking. nancy sees him looking at her dresses when she wears them, an almost sad look in his eyes, but he doesn’t ask.

so nancy asks! she says he needs him to model a dress for her bc she can’t see how the back looks in the mirror. and mike is 11-12 now and so of course he bitches to try to hide what he’s feeling, all like “fuck off nancy I’m not a dress up doll leave me alone!!” and she’s like “stop being a baby just help me!!” and eventually offers him some quarters for the arcade or to help out with his next dnd campaign, so he caves. and he still pretends to be annoyed, but nancy can see him smiling softly in the mirror.

eventually nancy gets tired of giving mike cash and favors so she sits him down for a sibling heart to heart and basically says absolutely fuck anyone who makes you feel like you can’t dress the way you want, you look great.

so mike starts asking again.

but then he hits his growth spurt.

the first time he realizes her dresses don’t fit him anymore, he doesn’t cry in front of nancy, but she can hear from outside his bedroom door that that’s what happens after.

she’s devastated, but what can she do? they’re both just resigned and sad about it, nancy stewing and trying to plot a solution, when robin buckley falls so clumsily and perfectly into nancy’s life, all 5’9 of her. almost exactly as tall as mike.

of course, while nancy loves making a plan and executing it, this one's a little more delicate. she really likes robin, but she knows this is mike's call. she can't even be sure, as cool as robin seems, that she'd be cool about it all. she's almost positive, but she doesn't depend on almosts or maybes when it comes to her little siblings' safety.

she feels damn near 100% though a few days after robin kisses her for the first time, when she's finally regathered her wits and her head has mostly stopped spinning.

plus, she knows robin cares about the kids, mike included. she knows robin knows, what they've all been through. robin gets it. nancy has seen robin put herself on the frontlines. robin and mike may press each other's buttons, but nancy knows robin wants to keep mike and all his friends safe.

she asks mike first if he'd be comfortable asking robin to go dress shopping with them.

"what?" he asks, face bright red. "i don't... that's nice, nancy, but i don't need my own... and why robin?"

nancy explains, in so many words, that robin is the only person they know who's mike's height who can try dresses on in public safely.

it takes him a minute, and his lips are still pressed together so hard they're almost turning white, but he agrees.

and so does robin, happily! she makes lots of weird, awkward jokes, and she still teases mike, but never about the dresses, only in the normal way. it makes mike... comfortable. helps him breathe easier.

cue: montage of robin trying on dresses mike wants, mike critiquing them, jokes about how robin thinks they'll fit mike bc she's suffocating on her own boobs they're so tight around her chest. and she and mike joke on each other a lot, mike acting annoyed or like an annoying little sibling, but robin and nancy can both see the soft smiles on his face, and the wistful looks in his eyes, and nancy is so grateful for them both, and robin is so happy she gets to be a part of this. and mike goes home with a few dresses he'll spend nights and nights trying on and twirling around in, smiling that soft, thrilled smile at himself in the mirror.

[risu5waffles]

If Roppongi Is Six Trees, What's the Word for TEN Fires?

Here we are again, something, something pleasure.

We played these on stream and i just fell in love wiv them. The concept is just so good. Little dioramas clearly conveying the feel of the different story mode stages? Like, that's inspired. And it largely works. There're a few bits here and there where they could have tightened and polished, but it totally works, and i'm surprised it took this long for me to stumble across someone who did it and did it well.

The concept here is cute and funny, and it's another one where i found myself thinking "why haven't i seen someone try something like this sooner"? The execution leaves a little to be desired, tho'. i feel like the course takes you away from the scoreboard to soon and for too long, so you kinda lose that little extra spice that sells you on the play. Still, the race is a solid one, not top-tier, but definitely good and fun. Kuro_96_33 did another really good level that i may take a look at in the future, but that @soupum has covered on his channel, where they go through the basics of level design and how connectors work, wiv a little bit of simple logic (LBP1-era) set-up for good measure (that area's unfortunately broken, but you can leave the level after the basics have been covered). It's really good advice for new creators, and presented clearly (bilingually, no less!), and not in any kind of jerky way. i really enjoyed that one.

Someone on the subreddit asked "hey, how do i get the Simon Says pin", and someone else rec'ed this level, and i thought "hey, i don't have the Simon Says pin either, and now i do, and you could too. i should play wiv state sensors more. i feel like you could get up to all kinds of shenanigans. Maybe next level.

It's a level about K-trucks. i like K-trucks. i have fond memories of riding home from bbq's when we'd visit honeybunny's folks down in Amami. Everyone drunk as hell and piled in the truck bed. i've also got a pretty bad story that didn't directly involve me, but hurt some folx i care a lot about, so maybe i should shut my mouth before i go and make myself sad. Still love k-trucks tho', and this level's a fun little race, so i can't complain about that.

We talked about this on Friday. It's still very much what it is. This particular footage was from before i figured out you could get that score bubble sign, unfortunately, but i was too busy putting out fires to go and swap the videos. Such is life, sometimes.

i really loved this level. Some of the bits were actually kind of tricky, and i was kind of proud of myself that i got them figured out. i feel like it's pretty rare anymore to see these kinds of puzzles; working both the brainmeats, but also actually physically manipulating things. It was super cool to run into this one.

This one was alright enough, i guess? Pretty standard post-MGS DLC kill everything wiv the paintinator platformer. It's fine. Not particularly inspired, but fine. It is a shame it's broken the way it is. The level might not have been top of the pops, but i was having a good enough time wiv it. Just LBP1 things, i guess.

This one's actually surprisingly good. Solid, robust platformer, nicely presented. The enemies are a bit of a mixed bag, but i think that's fairly par for the course for an LBP1 level. It could be a bit tough to make things act wiv dynamism. Not impossible, but i feel like it was a limited palette for the types of enemies you could work in. Still, just looking at them from an objects standpoint, they're nice enough, and that dragon-y thing at the end was pretty cool.

---------------------------------------------------

So that's the ten for this go about. If you missed the last post, i have to write a term paper about why i'm trans, and why i totes need this fucking on-paper diagnosis, and it can't be 5000 words of "because immigration fucked me and won't update my paperwork the way they're supposed to." Actually, i don't know how long it's supposed to be; the nurse didn't specify. She just said "from childhood," and i wanna be, like, "bitch, i am 45 fucking years old. 'From childhood' covers a goddamned lot of goddamned ground by this point." i may be experiencing a little stress.

[batsnsnakes]

A Deer Starts Things Again

Part 1/2, where a snake goes hunting

Content warnings: Intended fatal, same-size/slightly larger(?) vore, unwilling

[part 1] | [part 2]

One of the best parts about being an ambush hunter at Rocket's size meant he never had to wait very long. He didn't have to be picky after all. Anything that wandered by was fair game!

But of course, there were some exceptions. Anything smaller than a rabbit rarely caught his attention. Unless it had been a particularly hard week and he needed SOMETHING, ANYTHING, squirrels and mice and the like barely held his attention for more than the millisecond it took for him to notice them.

And big things… Well. If they didn't wander close enough for him to surprise them by jumping from his hiding spot in the bushes, tracking wasn't out of the question. Something as big as a deer, like the one Rex had given to him? Could least him least two weeks. He couldn't pass up an opportunity like that!

… But there was one more exception. One that Rocket kept quiet about-- both to his clan when he visited them, and to his partner Rex. Sure, Rex might have been the one to set the parameters of said exception, but… Rex didn't need to hear whether he truly stuck to it or not, right?

Back when Rocket had moved in with Rex over a year ago, Rex had been very clear about the one rule he had for Rocket's hunting habits.

No more hunting other supernaturals.

No more werefolk, or harpys, or slimes, or… Anything that called the Myst Forests their home was off-limits. Things that were staples in a Naga diet suddenly were off the table for him.

Rocket supposed he could understand. Rex had admitted that he thought Rocket had the mental capacity of a wild animal when they had met,  that his world had changed when they had sat and had their first conversation together. And yes, suddenly learning that you weren't all that different from the creatures you feared and saw as savage was bound to shake your world view. But for Rocket…

He had always known, on some level, about the intelligence of his prey. But it was the way the world worked, so his mother had taught him.

Nagas were hunters, and were far from the only ones. Hunters survived off of the death of others. But every life they took, they needed. Through the death of one a Naga could survive and be healthy and fight, and thus, their whole clan could survive.

But Rex didn't see it that way. The cost of the death of an animal, he said, was far less than the cost of another supernatural. An animal's family could not mourn, he had insisted.

Rocket disagreed. He had seen crows cry over their fallen brothers, and foxes flee from the creatures that had killed their mates when seeing them again. There had to be sadness in that.

But despite Rocket's protests, Rex was adamant. Said he didn't want Rocket to be a "murderer."

Murder. What a strange concept. A murder, from what Rocket had gathered, was a person killing another person without reason. A very human action. What Rocket did, what many, many other supernaturals did, was never without reason. It was for survival.

Rocket was far from the only hunter out here after all. Sometimes animals were harder to come by than supernaturals, as animals were easier to hunt, and there were usually many takers in the sprawling forest. Did Rex want him to starve on a hard day, when animals were scarce and another creature was the only option??

… Rocket knew he didn't. Rex loved Rocket as deeply as Rocket loved him. But it hurt, knowing that Rex saw his-- and his clan's-- method of survival as on par with pointless human murder.

Rocket shook himself from these dark thoughts, focusing on his surroundings again. It wouldn't do to be taken by surprise by his prey, when he was the one who was supposed to be… surprise taking…? Or whatever the phrase was supposed to be.

What Rex didn't know, and that kept Rocket alive to protect him, to be with him, wouldn't hurt him.

Rocket's snakes sensed something before he did, causing him to turn his head without knowing entirely why. (Rex called it his Snakey Sense, which Rocket could understand, snakes and all, but still thought sounded stupid.)

A moment later there was a crash of tumbling through undergrowth, and a squeaking sound that sounded like a cry of terror.

 

Rocket froze, pupils narrowing to slits as he scanned for the source of the movement.

A large shape was stumbling through the trees, making a beeline for the clearing Rocket was keeping watch over. When it finally stepped out of the shade and into view, Rocket was hit with a rush of excitement.

It was a centaur. Four-legged and tall, human male torso naked as the day it was born. Closer inspection revealed that this was a cervitaur, specifically, as the equine body that pawed at the ground nervously had thin legs and split hooves. The human portion gave the appearance of being about as old as Rocket, with thin stubble on his soft cheeks, which Rocket wasn't thrilled about. Supernaturals in their prime could fight back fiercely. But something was wrong with his hind leg; one of them wasn't supporting any weight.

Rocket took this all in as he watched closely, scarcely even breathing. The deer-man slowly turned his head this way and that, furry ears pricked to catch any faint noise.

Rocket made none.

After a few tense moments, the deer-man's shoulders slumped. Slowly, carefully, he limped over to a tree, hind leg dragging slightly, making the man yelp in an inhuman fashion whenever it caught something.

Rocket stayed just as still and silent, waiting. Evaluating. Calculating.

The man gingerly lowered himself to the ground, giving a groan of pain as he folded his leg forward. Immediately he bent over and lifted the injured leg slightly, licking it.

This was his chance.

Rocket suddenly exploded forward like a released spring, mouth opened in a silent snarl that exposed his fangs, his arms outstretched, ready to grab and keep the cervitaur pinned as he unleashed a deadly venomous bite--

He didn't even have time to shout as his arms were suddenly grabbed, and a hard skull was colliding with his.

💥 ✨ 💥 ✨ 💥 ✨ 💥

Rocket was barely conscious, staring groggily up at the sky as it swam before his eyes, tree branches and clouds swirling together in his gaze.

He was vaguely aware that he was being dragged forward slowly across the ground, shifting a few inches every couple of seconds. And the end of his tail was so warm now… as if he were dipping it into the hot spring from his old home… How strange…!

But as intriguing as his situation was, the pull of unconsciousness was stronger than the pull of the mystery. As he let his eyes slide shut, the last thing he saw was a single dark brown feather, twirling through the air…

And then the world went dark.

[punkbakugo]

Hey Nico! How's everything? Hope you're doing fine. I've been a fan of your blog/replies/analysis for years, since 2017, I think, and sometimes I skim through your replies because we agree on basically everything about BNHA so it's really comforting to me coming here to your blog. I hope you still like this manga, re-reading some asks made me think that through the years your replies have gotten more and more uninterested, so I was guessing if you still like it? I hope so, it'd be (1/2)

(2/2) very sad to lose someone like you in this fandom 😭 anyway, I wanted to ask you something else too: I recall your disliking for Best Jeaniat, one of the things we both agree on. Did some of the latest scenes he had with Kacchan make you like him a little more? I'm... kinda 50/50. I appreciate that he's there taking care of Kacchan's corpse as much as he can, but... eh. That whole "I see you as an experiment" really stuck with me 🤨. What do you think? Wish you a great day!

if i seem disinterested i think it’s partially life getting in the way and partially me realizing i need to not burn myself out keeping up with fandom stuff and trying to have something to say all the time. not that i've lost my interest or that i don’t want to still do analysis but rather my thoughts about it would get too mixed up in discourse that sometimes it gets in the way of me just enjoying what i enjoy about it and generally when i do some kind of analysis post it’s either because i’ve been prompted by an ask or it’s in response to something i saw other people say but i’ve kept myself increasingly insulated from the fandom so i end up feeling like i don’t have much to say. and tbh sometimes i just get a little bored during big ensemble arcs like the war arcs lol BUT!! i assure you if i no longer had any interest in bnha i wouldn’t be bothering to keep up with the manga

now a bit of a rant to answer your question:

in the broad strokes of the story i'm impressed with how much compassion bakugou's character arc gets handled with. he's still responsible for his own actions of course but at the same time there's a lot of emphasis put into showing how much of his behavior and the things that happen to him are the result of how the adults around him have failed him and yet on a micro level so often are bakugou's feelings invalidated or played off as unreasonable for the sake of comedy or is adults disrespect for him glossed over for some cheap appeal to emotion

like that little bit in the middle of the paranormal liberation war arc where snapshots of deku, bakugou, and todoroki's families are shown and mitsuki's looking through a scrapbook of pictures of bakugou feels especially egregious to me. i in no way doubt the sincerity of her love for her son but it's just a teeny tiny bit difficult for me to care about their relationship when their one singular onscreen interaction involves her mistreating and belittling him, y'know?

when it comes to best jeanist, personally i'm still not over how he treated bakugou and i wish there was more acknowledgment of that but i can maybe take the whole hero name reveal as a sign that he understands he didn't Get bakugou and it's not like i'm mad that other characters care about bakugou's wellbeing lol but that being said, when the narrative tries to frame it like bakugou and best jeanist have some significant bond on par with other mentor/mentee relationships in the story it just feels hollow imo

TL;DR have my feelings toward best jeanist changed? not really lol

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

I Wrote A Song

Dear Future Husband,

I've always been into writing. Whether it's poems, stories, parodies, essays, whatever. So, occasionally I write songs. And there's one I just re-found and was shocked that it was in my notes from over a year ago, because if you'd asked me I would have said I wrote it last spring at the latest. So weird.

Anyways, I figured I'd share this sadness with you, since I haven't shared much and the lyrics just seem truer and truer with each passing day.

I also have this irrational fear that one day I'll be able to release the song and then people will know who I am, despite my attempts to keep this blog anonymous. But who am I kidding. Hardly anyone reads this blog and I'm not talented or brave enough to release this as a real song ever.

It doesn't really have a title and the tune kinda' sucks, but that's par for the course with me. I'm not super "musical" because I've never had any music lessons and don't really have the self discipline to teach myself. I literally bought a keyboard during covid and only attempted to play it like once. I also bought headphones for it and a mic so I could attempt to record stuff and also only used those like once.

But whatever.

Without further ado:

Everybody says there is Somebody for everybody But what if there ain't nobody For me I've been alone my whole life and I'm starting now to realize as I'm closing in on 35 I'm still alone (bridge) I'm never gonna' feel your touch and I'm never gonna' know your love and I'm only gonna' see your face in my mind I'm holding tight to everything cuz I have the lowest self esteem but It all still slips away so easily It's not you, it's me (chorus) You are a fantasy You are a fantasy Yeah, you're just a dream That won't come to be You are a fantasy You are a fantasy Yeah, you're just a dream That wasn't meant for me I need to do some more work on me But it takes so long and damn it's lonely But I can't commit to somebody 'Til that's done

So many problems to unpack and So many layers to unwrap and Sometimes it feels like way too much And so, I stop

That's why (bridge) (chorus) So, there ya' go. A song from yours truly. About my sad, lonely life.

And maybe if I have time later today I'll share with you the conversation I overheard on Sunday that made this week just so damn depressing and one of my lowest so far in 2023.

But for now, I need to take an advil and see if I can get a walk in before the park closes in 20 minutes. (Cuz, remember how I said exercise gives me migraines? Yeah, that's still a thing. So instead I f*ck with my already sensitive digestive system by taking an advil liquigel, which is one of the only pain killers that works quickly and effectively for me, and then I attempt exercise. F my life.)

-LivelyHeart

[surrealsunday]

helloo! wow it’s been a little while ngl! but when when chap10 was posted i was like “do i read it now or wait till the epilogue is posted? 🤔” and i ended up waiting for the epilogue, idk in my head it’s as logic sjsbdb. meanwhile i decided to rewatch stranger things + skamfr kinda at the same time bc it’s been way too long (for the latter). then the epilogue was posted and haven’t found the time or energy to settle and read the last two chapters (we love uni for that). till tonight!! so here’s my not so little review of the chap10 + the epilogue 😅

-> chap10

woaaah im at loss for words for how cute and beautiful that chapter was omg! the vulnerable moment right after the intensity of their love scene hit me right in the feels, lucas’ “please don’t hurt me (again)” and then eliott hugging him tight saying “i promise” 🥺MY HEART🥺

also these little acts had me giggling and kicking my feet

gosh i’m just so giddy when it comes to them like- THEY. ARE. IN. LOVE. 🥹

OH YEAH the moment when idriss came back home and said “I swear, if you fucked in the kitchen, Eliott -" made me think of that one scene in tempo (i think) when he discovers they did it on the counter and there was like evidences or sth and i just burst out laughing 😭 like i imagined him being so done already with them (/affectionate of course)

-> epilogue

MY HEEAART!! i know i’ve said it like a million times already but i’m so soft for theeem 🥺

i really loved how eliott reassured lucas during the moving, how they once more opened a little to one another. then lucas asking him to say something true abt himself, eliott’s little story was very cute despite starting kinda sad :(( but that little parallel to the minute par minute scene but this time it’s eliott calming lucas down ☹️

but goosh i’m in love with their love, in every universe istg 🥰 like i smiled SO BIG here!

now real thing: i cant believe it’s over now :/ i’m gonna miss them so much, these version of elu is definitely one of my favorite! i wanna thank you for writing this fic that, i’m sure, helped a lot of people (including me) escape their boring ass work/uni life ahah. every time it truly has been an amazing time, even when pain was dominent sometimes. but as always i’d say sjsbsb

wishing you a wonderful friday and weekend, i’m gonna spend mine mourning elu!10things and thinking of how much their love is incredible in every universe 😭💞

gosh i just realized i forgot about to say some more things in my previous message 😭 in my defense it’s 1am so- anyways

i’m also very thankful you listened to the little voice in your brain and wrote that little epilogue, the quote of kat is one of my favorite and it’s really well included! would have been such a waste not having lucas saying this tbh.

also the last pic of chap10, eliott’s post with the shadows…wow i literally stared at it for 10 good minutes it was so well done! especially lucas’ wild hair sbsjsb (also i see you have been generous for some parts 👀)

finally, i thanked you for the fic but i also wanna be grateful to your friend julie for pressing you making this fic alive ahah, bc yeah your elu fic are really one of the most emotionally amazing and still being able to read elu content in, now, 2023 is truly incredible ♥️

Oh my gosh I somehow completely missed the notification for these messages in my inbox. I'm so sorry! I was not ignoring you, I just am a useless human 😂

As always I absolutely love hearing your thoughts. I'm so glad you liked chapter 10 🥹. It was interesting pairing smexy times with some super raw emotional nakedness. I liked it tho. It felt right and natural in the moment.

Your memes btw aldfkjalsdfkja. They kill me 😂😂😂

I thought about Idriss in Tempo too at that moment! I truly don't know why I keep doing these things to poor Idriss lmao. But I make it up to him with Manon. So I don't feel too bad 😌.

Ok, so I very much got minute-by-minute vibes in that moment of the epilogue too, but it wasn't pre-planned that way. I kinda love that you had the same reaction. It just sort of happened and as I was writing it occurred to me that it very subtly nodded to that classic Skam moment. It seems they're determined to be that way in every universe.

Ahhhh the shadow pic! It's one of my faves! I get obsessive about most things (this is not news lmao) so it wasn't surprising that I obsessed over getting those shadows right, but in the end when it did look like them I was sooooo satisfied. And yes, satisfied with the very lovely booty on Lucas too 😌. It makes me so happy you liked it too!

Really it was my absolute pleasure to share this fic, most especially because I seriously do have the best readers in the world, and you all are so generous in leaving me your thoughts and feelings about the story (there is really nothing better than that as a writer). It's a big part of me coming back to Elu over and over, I think. I love reconnecting with all of you. And of course I'm more than happy to provide distraction from real life!

P.S. I told Julie what you said and lemme tell you... the way she got all proud and puffed up on herself 😂😂😂. I told her to take it down a notch but she's already kicking into high gear on harassing me for new stories lol.

Anyways, all the love to you. Thank you again so much for sending me your thoughts as you read the story. 💖💗💞💝

[tetrisfinished]

i get it now

for years i've heard about how women who try to have it all can't....or don't exist.

that some level of their lives must be sacrificed or dropped.

and by "have it all" i mean run a household, have a family, and have a career. and i used to think - maybe that's not totally true. isn't it just all a juggle of time?

and partly - yes. but mostly - no. because i get it now.

before i dive into what i mean, let me just be very clear - i am not nearly as ambitious as the women who's company i hold. i am not seriously aspiring to be anything beyond a manager at work and i am not aspiring to have many more beyond 2 kids (second one is obviously non existent yet, but we've been trying - unsuccessfully - for almost half a year now, so there's that).

but still, most days i feel like i'm drowning. and i mean, in fairness, i don't push myself all too hard to keep up with my life and my surroundings and i readily give up my time to indulge in time with esa but especially in my own activities (participating in book clubs, joining badminton, staring at my phone etc).

but things are dropping off. i get a cleaning lady every other week. i've just received my first of what i feel will be fairly regular meal services today. my kid has been in full time daycare since he was ONE year old. i push and push and push yasir to be involved and help me out in the household. despite my beef that an equal partner should never "help" - they should take responsibility, initiative, and only DO. but that's neither here nor there - gotta live in the reality we're given and this is just not mine.

and from the outside, this may feel like me affording luxuries for myself. and maybe part of it is that - that i work so i can afford these things.

but the other part of it is a very real - i work so i cannot dedicate big portions of my time to these things either.

i mean, maybe i can, but i just am so tapped out most days that it feels unrealistic for me to do!

and today...with the food delivery. it's just made me really sad. that despite firing at par or sub par levels in each facet of my life, i am still so consumed by it that now i can see my dream of cooking and feeding my kid homecooked daily meals as a distant thing floating away. and that. fucking. sucks.

my mom made us daily meals (she also didn't re-join the workforce until we were a fair bit older) but i have so much love and gratitude towards her daily efforts.

i don't believe she needed to, but making us food and giving us...our health, was of course, part of her love language towards us. and what can i say - it's stuck that way.

and here i am, extremely average at most of my life and i can't do even this little bit.

when does my sacrifice or the things i'm letting go of to continue my lifestyle the way it is become no longer worth the effort? at what point do i say enough is enough and resign from my job. why won't my guilt about being a sub par parent leave me alone. why am i so thoroughly incapable of giving esa the love and attention that i was so abundantly given from my mom since my birth.

sometimes i will jokingly drop that i don't know what it even feels like to be a "full time" parent anymore but the reality is - that's not a joke. it's the real and honest truth and i loathe myself so fucking much for it.

that's it. i'm feeling melancholy as i realize that shit is dropping off, and maybe if i had better career prospects or more ambitions work-wise, i wouldn't be so sad about it. but i'm (at this point in my life) working simply to pay the bills i acquired when i thought i would be working for more than just those bills.

and it's sad. but i get it. i get why women can't have it all. i get why it's an unreasonable expectation. i allow myself my "luxuries" (read: necessities) so that i can value the time i do have with esa more. or at least i hope that's what i'm doing.

anyway.

that's all.

-k

[liecoris]

The glass of whiskey in her hand felt cold in comparison to how warm she still felt after getting out of her nightly bath, even if she was in her typical nightly garb of just a robe whenever she was within her private quarters, and the only sound in her rather spacious office was her soft footsteps from her small bar to her desk。

Sure, she didn't really need to do more work for the day, Mukuro was typically done with her work for her gumi by the end of the day, but to stave off sleep Mukuro would go over what she had done for the day just to check for any errors。

Soon the only sound in the room would be the barely audible noise of papers moving about in between sips of her drink。 While her drink was placed on her desk, the now free hand would find its way to her neck where her fingers would gently press and run against the area of her neck where her lifeforce left her when she was alive。 Mukuro was always careful to not run her nails too hard along the imaginary cut, her mind fearing that if her sharp nails got cut on the fake seam it would cause a repeat of what had happened to cause her to end up down here。 It was a silly thought of course, given that the wound was technically no longer there, but there always was that little fear inside her mind that it could easily happen again。

Sometimes this action soothed her other times, like tonight, it would cause her to disassociate and reflect。 Mukuro didn't really give her death much thought now that it was actively on her mind, she basically had hit the ground running when she woke up here。

There were things about her death that were a little fuzzy which, Mukuro assumed, was par for the course but from what she could remember her mind played for her。

Mukuro could recall easily that it was Jin and his goons that had killed her, having caught wind of her plan to kill him, Jin seemed to have gotten to her before she could to him。 A fact that she would have been sour about would it not have been for the fact that her dying before him meant that she was able to get here before him and become more powerful than Jin and it was that fact that allowed Mukuro to have a rather positive outlook on this whole situation。

She also vividly remembers how pissed Jin was at the fact that Mukuro showed no emotion while everything was happening and that was enough to bring a ghost of a smile to her lips as she lost herself in her mind。 Mukuro had known that he wanted her to cry or beg for her life, or be angry at the fact that he killed her first but she just kept a passive face, knowing that would really piss him the fuck off。  Which probably would have caused him to likely to mutilate her body once her gaze had glazed over, but that was something she didn't know if had happened or not since her body now didn't reflect that and she didn't have any idea of what happened to her body after she died which wasn't all that of a surprise to her。

But she couldn't help but wonder if they had just left her there or disposed of her。 Mukuro knew for a fact that no one would have gone out to search for her and that thought didn't really bother her much, it was a little sad to think about when the thought would cross her mind in the odd hours of the night, but there wasn't much she could do about it now。

Feeling a chill across her body was what brought Mukuro out from the depths of her mind, realizing now that her body had cooled down enough that given how little she was wearing, it was causing something of a chill to skin into her body。 Retracting her hand from her neck, Mukuro would blink a few times to make herself aware of her surroundings before downing the remainder of her drink and pouring herself back into her work, making sure to concentrate on it rather than reminisce on her past。