#it's so much fun writing from bb's perspective

[naydralikessoup]

very pleased to say i was wrong, bbs IS doodoo garbage and god tied amazing mind blowing life changing AND simultaneously mid. i didn't know you could do that and i am enjoying it immensely, but not without being a little mad about it

y'all.... i'm just a few hours in but i fear birth by sleep might be the worst thing it possibly could be.... mid

you see kingdom hearts was meant to be god tier amazing mind blowing life changing AND doodoo garbage simultaneously. if bbs is mid i will cry it has to be both separately at the same time. do you see what i'm saying.

[cosmic-kid-in-motion]

First Date

Wheelchair user!Santiago Garcia x gn!reader

Masterlist : Triple Frontier Masterlist

Summary: You've all but given up on dating apps when you swipe right on the hottest guy you've ever seen

Warnings: Some ablism from the concert venue just in that their accessible seating is really shitty. Reference to Santi being shot. Being in a wheelchair isn't the main plot, the first date is but the limited mobility is a part of things. Just know there no "oh, can I date someone in a wheelchair?" type of thing.

Fake tinder by @quiet-night-sky-writers-blog thanks bb!

Written for my Disability Visibility event! Gotten so many fun responses from the oscar and pedro fandoms!!! thanks so much to every! I will be extending it through MAY because frankly i have a lot I wanna write but alas im in my last few weeks of college and wanna cry!!!! so much papers to write ;-;

I tried my best with this, I am not a wheelchair user and have no close friends unlike other disabilities i've written for so I've consulted people in various internet groups over langauge, and taken what I learned from my disability class I took. Once again, I cant recomend the book disability visibility enough, so many good perspectives on various disabilities! Still, if you use a wheel chair or need mobility aids, and I said something offensive PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

2k words

***

Tinder fucking sucked.

“Looking for a submissive-” Swipe left.

*Holding up a fish* Swipe left.

*Name: Tyler* LEFT!!!!

Okay so maybe you were a little picky. SO WHAT! You happy single, you didn’t need a relationship… but you did want one. You were just a girl. A girl who did dream of marriage and a family, but only with the right person. So, okay, maybe tinder wasn’t the right place to find a relationship. So maybe you also weren’t opposed to getting some dick or pussy before you found the one. So sue you.

That’s when a profile caught your eye. Handsome. Almost too handsome. Suspiciously handsome, in fact. You meant to swipe left, assuming he was a bot or a scammer or a catfish, but accidentally swiped to see another picture. Him and 5 friends, this one more obvious what you’d missed in the first photo. He was in a wheelchair. This picture looked real, him and friends out on a hike. Kudos to him for not putting the group photo first. You didn’t mind a nice group picture; you liked a friendly person, so having friends was a plus, but if it was their first it seemed like they were hiding something.

You look at his name. Santiago.

All his pictures looked nice, even the candide ones. You liked how wide he smile in the last one. Cute teeth too. You’ve never actually said that about anyone, but there’s always a first. 

“Looking for a nice girl to go to a Metallica show with. No expectations - see where things go. I’m in a wheelchair- but don’t worry- all the right parts still work properly ;)”

That made you laugh, you liked a little playful flirting, as long as they didn’t get out of pocket. A Metallica concert sounded fun… maybe a date and see where things go wouldn’t hurt… if it was just a hookup, then god, what a hookup.

You swiped right, and to your glee it was a match. 

Santiago: Hello!

You: Hi!

Santiago: This is going to sound like a line, but I was really hoping to get a notification I matched with you…

You: Oh yeah, out of the hundred of people you swiped right on?

Santiago: You’re right, the 700th guy holding up a fish was also on my mind

You: Mine too. I guess you’ll do okay though, tee hee

Santiago: My friend Ben set up my profile, tried to convince me to let him put up a fish picture, actually

You: Oh 🤢are you a fish guy?

Santiago: I’m not I swear!! Ben is though. I do go with him sometimes.

You: Well, I suppose we all have our vices. Me, I cry everytime I watch Star Wars III

Santiago: Anakin girlie, are we?

You: Always. That's my sweet baby boy who's never done anything wrong.

Santiago: Well, theres child murder.

You: HE”S JUST A BABY!!! Besides, didn’t we say we all have our vices, fish boy?

Santiago: Fish boy cannot be a nickname, I already have a friend named fish

You: Fine, what cute nickname do I get to call you then?

Santiago: Well, my callsign in black opes was Pope, but if I play my cards right, baby is always a good one.

Santiago: *black opps

You: Black opes. Midwest task force

Santiago: shut up 🥺 I’m just a baby

10 minutes in, you were on your bed giggling and kicking your feet. Santi was funny, talked passionately about his friends, his job, and his love of music. Frankly, he was really endearing. Things between you seemed to flow so effortlessly. You agreed to be his date to Metallica, and planned to get dinner beforehand. While setting up the details, he got somewhat serious.

Santiago: Just to be clear, you do know I’m in a wheelchair right? That picture wasn’t just a one off injury. I can walk a little with my crutches, but not long distances and not super comfortable. Honestly, in most situations I just prefer my wheelchair. I’ve been in it a few years now and it’s me and my wheelchair against the world sometimes.

You’d be lying if the idea of dating someone in a wheelchair hadn’t given you a bit of pause in the beginning. Not that you actually cared, but more that you had 100 questions, questions you couldn’t just ask someone when you first start talking. You were curious, but he was hot and he was nice, so of course you wanted to see where things went.

You: Don’t worry, I figured as much when I saw the pictures. Just let me know how to help when/if you need any help getting around the venue. 

Santiago: Don’t worry, we got great tickets in the probably obstructed view of the accessible section.

Santiago: Holy shit I just saw what Ben put as my intro on tinder. I SWEAR TO GOD I’M NOT LIKE THAT IGNORE THAT I'M NOT A PERVE

The date was planned, and a week later you were panicking about getting ready for the concert. You weren’t sure if you’d dressed right. First dates, you try to dress nicer, but this was Metallica after all. A cutesy dress wasn’t exactly going to cut it. Sexy would have to distract from the fact it wasn’t going to be classy. Jean shorts over black tights, and an old Guns ‘n Roses shirt. Yeah okay you looked good, it’d do.

You two met at an area near the venue. Santi drove, he was able to get a modified SUV. You looked into it, being nosey. It was NOT cheap. He said he did security, didn’t elaborate. Did he own the whole damn company? When you saw a handsome man outside the bar, you knew it was him. 

Santi lit up when he saw you, coming over and extended a hand to shake, which you accept. “Sorry,” He says looking a little sheepish. “Handshakes are such a force of habit to me, guess it’s kind of weird on a first date.”

You can't help but laugh. It was odd seeing a man so hot be so clearly nervous; you should be and are the nervous one. “Don’t worry about it. Lots of handshake deals going on?”

He relaxes, going over to open the door for you with the button. You notice the bars accessibility; wide doors that open with the press of a button, a small metal ramp easing the transition. You also admired how easily Santi moved, the confidence, the grace, like his wheelchair was an extension of himself.

“Well, partially. Owning my own business is half of the reason I’m weirdly formal sometimes. 15 years in the army is another.” Santi went to a table after the bartender greeted him by name, sliding into a spot that didn’t have a chair in it. 

“15 years!” You bawked. “Helluva stint. You didn’t want to go for the full 20 and get all the fancy benefits?”

“Well, I was going to. Getting shot in the spine tends to fuck up some of your plans.” He said it with a little smile, but the mortification hit you dead on. You facepalm into your hands.

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” You can’t look at him, even though he’s laughing.

“No, I’m sorry! I couldn’t resist. Shit, please don’t feel bad!” But he was still laughing. Finally, you peak out through your eyes and laugh too. Santi’s smile was contagious, his full upper teeth on display as he grinned.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” 

He did. And you were beginning to love him for it. 

You got to the concert not too long before it was supposed to start. Since you had seats, it didn’t matter how early you got there. Santi bought you drinks at the bar and even bought you a tour shirt he saw you eyeing, even though it was -jesus christ $80!??!?!- He didn’t even seem to notice. You’d be lying if you said being on a date with a financially well off man wasn’t at least a little hot. You were an independent woman, you had your own money… but it still was attractive. Most men you had dated were bums, boys who never actually grew up. This was a man.

When you get to the disability accessible seating, you realize Santi was not joking about an obstructed view. The seats were way off to the side, and unless the band was going to be way to the right the whole time, you wouldn’t see them while sitting very much.

“Shit.” Santi mumbles. “I didn’t think they were THIS bad.” 

“It’s okay!” You try to reassure him. “We’re still close, so whenever they're over this way, we’ll be right there! Plus, it’s Metallica. I’m just thrilled to be here.” And you were! With the world’s hottest man on your arms as well. What more could you want?

“No, I just- Jesus.” Santi scrubs his face with his hands a few times, clearly frustrated. “I should’ve just gotten nose bleed seats and tried to walk her on my crutches. I knew, i fucking knew the accessable seating would suck because it always fucking does.” He maneuvers into his spot and you take your seat. “But that shit always hurts after too long. Or tried the general admission but even then if even on group is front of me and my chair I can’t fucking see- there’s no winning.”

Your heart felt for him. He’d told you this was his favorite band, and it made you mad that the venue’s “accessibility” just meant shoving him off to the side. Santiago was a grown man, well enough off, former military, and certainly could hold his own… but you felt protective of him. Not because he was in a wheelchair, but because he was someone you cared about.

“I have a plan. And it’s going to make me look like a dick, but I don’t really care.”

For most of the concert, you stayed where you were, enjoying the show and his company. Sometimes, if he was feeling up to it, since he brought his crutches you’d help his stand if he really loved a song. And yeah, James Hetfeild and other members meandered around the stage, coming awfully close, which was a lot of fun. But when the last song on the setlist came on, Until it Sleeps, you took Santi by hand and went down the ramp. Everyone expected people to push their way to the front in the beginning, not the end.

No one expected a nice girl and a man in a wheelchair to be so… assertive. But for this man? You were. You weren’t going to be a dick and do this at the start of the concert, but for one song at the end, your man deserved to see his favorite band up close, since the venue wanted to be shitty.

A few “scuse me, pardon me”’s and people politely scooted. Many already began leaving to try and beat the concert crowd off the downtown streets. Because of this, you managed to get Santi close, and when people scattered, you and him went right to the gate. You made it in time for the encore and got to listen to Nothing Else Matters with him. The joy on his face as he looked up at the stage was worth it.

*

“That was amazing!” Santi was full of joy, almost giddy energy as you and him walked to the parking garage he was at. You were both in no hurry, knowing the streets would be chaos for a while as everyone left but also just enjoying each other’s company. 

You two went down the street side by side, laughing together as he told a story of some of his army friends. Santi drove you home, as you sat outside your house in his car, you didn’t want the night to end.

Santi looked at you, a soft smile on his face. He was still buzzing from concert energy. “Would I be being weirdly formal again if I asked to kiss you?”

You giggle, but shake your head. “Not at all.”

“Well… can I?”

“Absolutly.”

You both lean in, and Santi tangles his hand into your hair. He kisses like a slut, mouth open, letting you take the lead and submitting to your lips and tongue. He moans too, then pulls away. “Fuck, that was embaressing.”

You grip his curls and pull him in again.

***

Thank you so so much for reading!!!

I'd really appreciate reblogs as i try to rebuild over here, plus it seems im either shadow banned or marked as explicite to some blogs, either way my visibility is decreased.

Still lots of time to enter the event! Would love to see more awesome creations, especially some art! I got one beautiful art piece and would love to see more! Could be a moodboard type thing to, not judge drawings! <3

tagging some people i thought may enjoy @my-secret-shame @winniethewife @missdictatorme @campingwiththecharmings @ivystoryweaver @miraclesabound

[bonefall]

i know u dont rework arcs untill theyre complete but im very excited to see what you do with a starless clan, theres so much exciting things happening in this arc to work with. do you have any changes you already know for sure you’ll be incorporating?

No for-sures. I don't want to make any for-sures. I have ones I'm feeling but I don't want to call ANYTHING a for-sure yet. I need to find out what the ending is, WHERE this is all going, because I have a strong philosophy in my writing that a story is like a spear;

IT'S ALL ABOUT GETTING TO THE POINT.

But we are 4/6 of the way in, so I CAN start talking about thoughts!

I'm actually leaning pretty heavily towards axing Nightheart as a POV. There's still time for the books to turn around and justify it, BUT HEAR ME OUT

(Saying AS someone who is a Nightheart Enjoyer)

So far I'm really feeling that his character would benefit from us never being inside of his head, or seeing what he's been going through. As much as I WILL stand by that I enjoyed books 1 and 2 and liked his perspectives there, I'm starting to think that it would serve the story a lot better for Sunbeam and Frostpaw to be guessing just as much as we are.

We'd get introduced to Nightheart on the journey for catmint.

Sunbeam connects with him immediately, because she's tossed on this mission while she's in the middle of a swirling tide of drama. With nothing but Clerics and a hardened Rootspring to the left and her ex-bestie (exstie) to the right, he's really her only other choice for companionship. She's chronically unable to stop problems before they get out of hand, the sort of person who becomes frozen by indecision, and then here comes this Glorious Bastard

In her eyes, he's so caring, and bold, and fun! He's the first one to jump headlong into danger, to really be interested in her problems and just let her talk, and his story is so heartbreaking! A mother who's so hard on him... and his Clan is so mean all the time, but he wants to prove to all of them that he's more than just Firestar's descendant... but he was so brave to choose his own name.................

And then, when she follows him into ThunderClan, she learns he fucking lied. She changed Clans based on SOB STORIES

When she first comes, no one knows what he's been saying behind their back. Even if they did, they don't want to start trashing Nightheart right to his new mate's face. But then he LEAVES, and Sunbeam will bring up,

"Maybe it was because you were hard on him?"

And then Sparkpelt tries to agree, just to take blame onto herself and stop all this, but Finchlight's had eNOUGH and ends up setting the record straight;

"No this is DEFINITELY another tantrum. He already ran off once before."

"NO he didn't pick his own name, he stopped the whole ceremony to complain and Bramblestar gave him a compromise"

"MEAN to him?? I had to do HIS WORK because he couldn't STAY ON THE GROUND"

"Oh he's buckling under the weight of his legacy? that must be so hard. I was cat-fifteen when i punched my first fascist and he was wearing the face of my grandpa."

"His mom aba-WHAT?? ABANDONED???? OUR MOTHER WAS EXILED AND HE STAYED HOME!!!!! WE WERE CAT-FIFTEEN!!"

With this false hope shattered, Sunbeam is thrown into a devastating situation where... her mother was right. She was tricked. And now she's stuck in this new Clan without any of her old friends, without this mate who was too-good-to-be-true, the ONE impulsive choice she's made on her own in her WHOLE LIFE turns to ashes in her mouth. She can't go back, either, because Berryheart would NEVER let her live this down.

But... it's okay.

It's a slow shock, to make a choice SO impulsive and SO self-concerned, and find a safety net below her. It's going to be okay. The trials are fair. The cats of ThunderClan interrupt and speak over each other, but, that teaches her to be more assertive. Sparkpelt and Finchlight are not the mean assholes that Nightheart built them up to be, and they'll support her no matter what she chooses to do with her possible mate.

I want Nightheart TO get better, but, in order for that to happen, he has to face, and, more importantly, ACCEPT consequences. He needs to develop the maturity to say, "I acted like a brat and didn't appreciate what I had. and I'm sorry. you don't have to forgive me."

Bottom line being, Nightheart is striking me lately as a character that works best as unpredictable, because we have NO IDEA what's truly in his head. It would be interesting for him to have a novella later, but as it stands, his POV has consistently just been a duplicate since he joined ShadowClan. We gained NOTHING from splitting the Frostpaw Journey of the newest book in half POV, and VERY little from splitting the ShadowClan one into half POV.

I might reduce the POVs to 2, just Sunbeam and Frostpaw, or change Nightheart's to Lightleap. If I NEED 3 main characters, then they should all be a consistent camera on different parts of the conflict.

Again. I do not commit to changes until the arcs are done. Nothing in BB!ASC is set yet.

But here's some other little things I'm thinking,

Bramblestar is VOTED out.

He does not step down. The little "game" he played with Nightheart to create a situation to yell at Squilf, who hasn't been his mate in a long time in BB, was the LAST straw for ThunderClan.

They had sympathy for him before that point, because of what he went through with Ashfur, but his leadership was long and controversial even before the Impostor.

And there's a really strong sentiment that IF Bramblestar had been a good leader... they would have realized he was possessed sooner. So, there are those who partially blame him for the tyranny of the Impostor.

Basically; enough is enough.

Berryheart's hate group has ACTUAL consequences. Someone gets killed; probably Antfur, who survived the last arc to die here.

More fights. This arc has been too bloodless. Already planning SEVERAL sudden, random brawls in RiverClan as tensions boil.

Heartstar is going to be MORE controversial. Not controversial enough in canon imo. I don't like how Leaf and Squilf seem like they have "hypothetical" issues with the invasion instead of being able to point at REAL ones.

riverclan didn't forget how to do the chores they've done their WHOLE lives, no. I'm going to talk about POWER VACUUMS and create ACTUAL factions that begin to coagulate in RiverClan.

if we're going to have a brainless plot about how "Well Ackshually democracy has enough problems to make us reconsider not having unaccountable, tyrannical dictators, because a vote could maybe be called over One Single Issue" then I'll talk about shit like the spoiler effect, mob mentality, and factionalism. Get the hell out of my way ERIN I'll cook

No Smoky. Society has progressed past the need for Smoky. No Smokyng Area.

Whistlepaw should to try and take care of her ALONE, not trained enough to take care of SUCH bad wounds and barely able to keep her trembling paws straight, and Frostpaw realizes that she's making her watch her own friend die.

Is this how her life is going to end? slipping away under the paws of someone she loves, for what? pride? to do what her mother told her-- trust no cat?

As she TRUSTS Whistlepaw? Trusts her SO much, that Frostpaw will force her to be the only witness to her death?

FROSTPAW CALLS THE HUMAN

...which in BB, is a team of researchers. She drags herself to them, and collapses. This is why they just HAPPENED to have the proper equipment on them; they're WILDLIFE VETS.

Not sure how I'm going to handle Frostpaw's Journey though. In BB, the Park Cats are already a foundational part of Clan Culture.

In all honesty, while I HAVE to praise the fact that the Erins have FINALLY created ONE outsider group that isn't malicious or defenseless... I don't much care for them.

sending frostpaw on a side quest to what's essentially a big DOTC reference. Look! It's that group we introduced in the last 5 chapters of our latest glorified recap! cooool.

We're just going to get nothing but fucking founders in every dream from now on. I'm SURE of it.

As a consolation prize to myself though I will be writing cool angel scenes of the absolute BEING that Riverstar has become in heaven.

Riverstar (normal cat): "Elder Bones I'm going out!"

"not dressed like THAT you're not!!!"

Riverstar (the manifestation of the river, the rain in the sky above, and the abyss below, and how through water we are all truly connected as one being): "better?"

I will probably keep the Park Cats and rework them significantly, but I'm leaning pretty heavily towards Frostpaw visiting a LOT of places. A holy pilgrimage.

ESPECIALLY one of the Tribe's three wards; the River Ward. The Tribe of Rushing Water believes (it's even in the name) that water connects all things.

So I think it would be really fitting for Frostpaw to learn from MANY perspectives, starting with this philosophy put forth by the River Ward.

And she realizes-- that's what Riverstar is, as well. As a being. He is mentoring her on this pilgrimage, while barely saying a word. She can feel him wherever she is, because he isn't JUST the God of the River.

He is connection. He is peace. He's water. Too much and you'd drown, not enough and you'd thirst.

EDIT FROM THE FUTURE: Here is the rough draft of Frostpaw's Journey

[bengiyo]

Why Do I Tag So Many Creators in My Posts? It’s About Respect

Earlier today I was talking with @sophsloveskpop in the notes of a post, and was asked about all of the interaction between blogs in the posts and essays about the shows. I’ve noticed an uptick in new names interacting with posts (and making great posts of their own!) and wanted to talk about why I do it and why I like fandom on Tumblr.

Fundamentally, I think it’s generally good courtesy to acknowledge when someone else has expressed a similar idea to your, or an idea that intrigues you. I think it’s best to tag that person and link to their post so that others can also experience it. It also opens you up to a dialogue with them and others.

People Like Getting Their Flowers

If someone posts an analysis or even a quirky idea that I felt the need to think about, I will mention them in my posts. None of the great content we get on here is necessarily quick to make. I absolutely love all of the gifmakers who fight against Photoshop, Tumblr, and God Himself to post snippets of shows on here for us. I wouldn’t be able to flesh out some of my posts, illustrates points, or otherwise breakup walls of text without @liyazaki, @wanderlust-in-my-soul, @pharawee, or @gabrielokun. Whenever I can’t find the gif I’m looking for through Tumblr’s terrible gif search, I reach out to one of them for permission to use their gifs directly.

Also, many of us just like being acknowledged that someone we wrote meant something to someone else. Every time I get tagged by someone in an essay I’m like:

It’s a Conversation

I don’t think fandom is about being the smartest person or the most correct person. My basic framework I’m writing from is Black Gay Nerd Who Watches a Lot of Stuff. It’s what I’m most familiar with personally, and I find that people have really responded to that.

I’ve been around for a very long time, and have been seeing folks like @so-much-yet-to-learn around the entire time, who often has more specific information about fandom life during the airing of shows. @absolutebl and @heretherebedork have watched more BL than I have, and I’ve seen at least 250 productions. ABL has some of the most comprehensive posts collecting some of the history.

I made so many friends after diving into @shortpplfedup DMs to talk about sustainable urbanism and bonding over our shared geography. Now we run @the-conversation-pod together. Through them I befriended so many others, like @elnotwoods and @kyr-kun-chan.

I’m not a color theory expert, and so I love reading posts from @respectthepetty and others (I think @sliceduplife writes about color too).

We wouldn't even have my favorite show without @isaksbestpillow.

I know what shows are coming because of @clairificusrex.

I don’t know much about music theory, but @iguessitsjustme write some great stuff about the music in these shows.

I don’t always read the body language of hands as closely as someone like @wen-kexing-apologist might.

I am not Asian, and so I like reading from @waitmyturtles, @telomeke-bbs, and @neuroticbookworm. I know that @recentadultburnout and @airenyah offer useful perspective on Thai language.

Sometimes folks are going to narrow down on specific shows and consistently write about them for years on side blogs like @miscellar.

Some people have studied so much and bring specific academic lenses to the genre that I find compelling, like @emotionallychargedtowel.

In many cases, I just vibe with them really hard, like @ginnymoonbeam.

I actually didn’t always post as much as I do, but I try to keep up my Stray Thoughts project so that people can keep track of what I’m watching. I used to write less meta, but then I befriended @waitmyturtles and @lurkingshan. Any time I say anything remotely thoughtful Shan is like:

Also, though, this is Tumblr! It’s easy to tag each other and link to each other’s posts! This is what makes us different from every

Isn’t It Just More Fun?

I don’t enjoy shows passively. I grew up in a family that watched things together. My mom, dad, sister, and I all have differing tastes from each other, but we watched a lot of different things together. My friends and I discussed the things we watched at school.

I’m a big fan of the water cooler approach to TV show distribution, which basically says you want your show to be the show people are talking about on their breaks at work. I always like Film Crit Hulk’s theory that movies (and our dramas) are the proverbial campfires around which we gather to share ourselves with each other.

This is all supposed to be fun, and I have more fun when we interact. I get tagged daily by @blmpff about updates from sets, or when we all need to rush to IG to make sure Fluke Pongsakorn doesn’t cut his hair. When @bl-bam-beyond makes a new set or post they let me know, and they recently rewatched Noah’s Arc! I made friends with @gillianthecat in the last year or so, and it’s been fun seeing her make her way through fandom. I always get excited with @troubled-mind pings me in a post because I know it’s going to give me something to chew on. I didn’t have a genuine appreciation for kink culture until I watched along with @lutawolf. If something funny is happening in fandom I know @benkaaoi is going to tag me. I still get excited when @heukheuk pops up in my mentions.

I know I’ve probably forgotten so many people alone the way here, and I’m sorry if I didn’t mention you.

Tag Because It’s the Right Thing to Do

So seriously, tag people and link to their posts. Try to use the giffmakers specific tags when you’re using the search feature. Fandom is better when we all interact respectfully and enthusiastically with each other. Tumblr is special because it lets us create goofy little essays like this and tag dozens of people just to get their attention.

If you have a cool thought about a show I’m watching, tag me. If you see something funny, tag me in the comments. If you wanna hash out an idea before posting it, DM me. This is Tumblr. Don’t be shy with your thoughts. It’s okay to be wrong on the internet. It’s actually fun to be wrong on the internet about show predictions!

Thank you as always for coming to my post.

[wooteena]

I fear I'm in the minority but here's my take: cwilbur in dsmp has a lot of similarities to real life abuser will gold. It's the same way his nice guy series or all of Lovejoy or ok I'm realising he did this in all his art- basically he enjoyed making art where he is "playing" an irredeemable terrible person, which he did with his character, made a character who is abusive and manipulative,, but then he gets to relish a bit in people saying that maybe he's redeemable maybe he's still good, he gets to feel validated that he can be awful and still redeemable.

But the problem is to be redeemable you have to be sorry, and will gold is not sorry for what he did, and he is still an attention seeking misogynist who doesn't care about anything except fame. I just think giving attention to cwilbur is still validating how will gold thinks about himself, and considering how he has continued to refuse to take accountability and actually change he doesn't deserve to feel as though he is redeemable.

Plus as an abuse victim, I am deeply uncomfortable with depictions of cwilbur and I know so many people also are, and I'd hate to miss out on babybird 2.0 because of that asshole :((

IN THE END THO it's up to you if you don't want to write him out I'd much rather you have fun than you cater to an audience, I hope my inane ramblings can give a bit of perspective and help you decide for yourself what you want to do, pls do what you prefer not what other people want, you're who matters most.

Love you wootie live ur best life forever and ever 🥰🥰

honestly this is my exact opinion even though c!wilbur staying won by majority. ive practically halted my writing process at the thought of rewriting what are morinso aspects of wil gold rather than a character; and trying to parse how much im writing a real abuser or a fictional one. so much of bb!wilbur were real aspects of the 'actor' not even the character, you must understand (his first appearance, as i look back in baby bird is not a dream smp reference but a so called 'fan easter egg.') i find theres little degree of seperation, as you said.

the question of whether i could write c!wilbur as someone who either perpetuates abuse as he does in canon (which i never even got to in baby bird og) or not would itches me from an ethical standpoint--can i incorporate the abusiveness of a character that reflects the abuser that created it, or would i mirror how i wrote him in that rose tinted amalgam that represented how i viewed wil gold at the time? i dont think i can do either, as in the end, both represent and pedestalise wil gold.

thank you for being willing to talk about this, your perspective made me more confident in my decision 💚

[heavensenthale]

Jonas Brothers Albums - tier rank that shit!! Go ham!!!

I'm literally gonna cry this is impossible!!! (also maybe I made this a little too serious and got into it lmao)

I'm gonna give them 2 rankings: music enjoyer ranking and fan ranking (because they're different. because the fan rankings include my feelings and memories and shit). We'll rank them as follows (in descending order): S - A - B - C - D - E - F

I'm also gonna leave out The 3D concert Experience and Chasing Happines since they're compilations and it would make things super unfair. Same with Camp Rock and JONAS L.A.

Additionally, V will not be considered as an album, what with its cancellation and incomplete status, and also because if they wanna ignore it, I'll look away as well. I'm not ignoring It's About Time though lmao

(me? obsessed with the Jonas Brothers? only for 17 years! I've literally been a fan longer than I haven't)

anyway, here's the list

2006: It's About Time

Honest ranking: E (let's be real, this album is weak. We all know that Please Be Mine and 7:05 saved this album from being ranked lower)

Fan ranking: C (they were literally babies?? and they put their fucking everything in it? Also they have some great songs for us the fans. But this is for real an album that's fun for fans and literally no one else.)

2007: Jonas Brothers

Honest ranking: B (00s classic!! this is how you make one!! so full of hits and songs to blow a stadium roof off. we love a pop rock album!!!)

Fan ranking: A (this album makes me literally insane!! this is the one that started it all!!! it makes me wanna scream and cry and eat cement at the same time. I can't put it into words beyond that. also, album so good it got me into writing fic lmao)

2008: A Little Bit Longer

Honest ranking: A (this album fucking rocks!! it starts with a banger (BB Good) and ends with a banger (A little bit longer). hard to beat tbh. And it feels like a very, idk, well rounded album)

Fan ranking: S (I love this album!!! sue me!!! I don't have anything more to say except that Lovebug changed my brain chemistry)

2009: Lines, Vines and Trying Times

Honest ranking: B (it has it moments, but from a musical perspective, this album is a bit of a mess. The production level goes up though and that's really nice. It's just kinda disjointed at times)

Fan ranking: S (this is probably my favorite album idc what the music critic in me says. Between Poison Ivy, Hey Baby and Much Better, I was changed as a person. For real I can still remember the first time I heard those songs and went oh. It's like I finally understood idk life)

2019: Happiness Begins

Honest ranking: B (it starts so strong!! it gets weaker around the middle, then it gets better, then it goes down again but it returns to greatness with the final two songs. I honestly think that this was a great musical comeback though)

Fan ranking: A (more like A+ because this album brought me back to life fr, but still, not enough to feel like an S. At least not yet. I love many of these songs and they have found a way into my heart, but it's still too soon to say how many of them altered my brain forever)

2023: The Album

Honest ranking: A (more like A+ because sweet jesus, the production level went UP here. It feels a lot more mature and like they actually listened to people around them regarding the flow of the album and shit. It's so good ugh it's criminal that some of the songs are so short.)

Fan ranking: A (I was so torn because as a music fan this is almost an S for me, but as a Jonas Brother fan I was so pissed about the shorter songs!! This album is half an hour too short fr. But also, it gets a high ranking because this album made them go on The Tour and I got to see them again and DIE, so that's good. Also Montana Sky fucks severely)

--

anyway, I'm normal about this group of people as you can see!! thank you for asking me!! what's your tier ranking of Jonas Brothers albums. I'm officially starting a thing where if YOU are a Jonas Brothers fan you HAVE to make your own ranking and tag me

[celestie0]

Hello ellie! 😍 im just here to drop a ‘few’ words so don’t mind me 🤪 (i fear it may have turned into a yapsesh oopsies!)

Help omg idk if this is tmi but like im on my period and I was reading chap 3 of ihm right… and how could i prevent myself from laughing at my fav goofy ahh lighthearted romcom series on tumblr? 😔 put 2 and 2 together and boom i had my ketchup bottle moment when reading the dialogue bye 💀🤚 I LITERALLY HAD TO STOP FOR A MOMENT TO PROCESS WTH JUST HAPPENED LOL

Anyway, i rlly LOVEEEE your writing style for ihm,, the goofiness n domesticity is what I need as therapy for the heart wrenching angst fics ive read 😤 the way you write y/n + gojo’s dynamic and quarrels never fail to make me crack up like an egg and i love you for that 😔 THANK YOU FOR CREATING A COMFORT FIC FOR US ALL 🥺🫶

I hope I’m not stepping out of line here but your feelings abt the smut in ihm is totally valid and i understand you. That anon probs didn’t intend on bringing any harm but like there’s bountiful of smut in the jjk fandom that I’m sure they could have read instead of commenting smth so ignorant and disrespectful 🥲 Pls every time i search ‘jjk x reader’ in the search tab, i’m always greeted by endless posts of smut one-shots 😭 but fr this fandom actually needs to stop being a buncha horny brainrots bc im actually over repetitive and predictable smut,, everything just feels so shallow :,0 (everyone is entitled to their own opinion so dont atk me pls) and them invading your personal space by demanding smut is just not it… and we all know you don’t have to cater to them bc u don’t owe them anything! no need to listen to the smut hungry anons bc they don’t even care abt the blood, sweat and tears you pour into ur fics if they’re pushing you to write smut 😡‼️ they can go fulfil their dirty desires somewhere else ;-;

Words seriously cannot express how much I love your stories and just wanna applaud you for not immediately jumping into smut and actually having relationship buildup,, it makes the stories have sustenance and ik u want ur fics to be memorable in a unique way to your lovely readers 😇 but we seriously need a smut ban n touch grass movement in the jjk fandom for a bit bc this is getting out of hand 😭

I LOVE YOU ELLIE AND PLS DONT BE DISCOURAGED BY THESE SILLY ANONS BC AT THE END OF THE DAY THEY R NOTHING + YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM (us ACTUAL readers and gojo) WILL ALWAYS HAVE UR BACK AND SHOWER U IN THE LOVE THAT U DESERVE!!! ❤️

hiii bb!! PLEASE the ketchup bottle moment sent me to the moon also so fucking relatable xD and omg i'm so glad you enjoy the lightheartedness of ihm so far!! it's been sm fun to write and it's become a comfort fic of my own as well <33

thanks so much for the support on the smut thing <3 i've been toggling back n forth between feeling awful for coming at that anon like that vs being glad i stood up for myself lol, but ultimately, i just needed to share my perspective. i don't think they were trying to be rude either, which is why i felt bad, but i spoke my truth lol

and i totally agree w you (pls no one attack me either) but i'm honestly kind of sick of just seeing straight smut on my feed. like it's fine when i'm in the mood but the tumblr algorithm for jjk feels like your partner constantly begging you for sex 24/7 lol. but yea power to whatever someone wants to read, but don't impose it on an author.

anywho i've been talking a lot ab this situation lolol i feel like there's nothing i haven't said anymore but i totally agree w everything you've said!

thanks sm for you lovely words of support bb :'') i love u tooo and i'm so blessed to have the community of support i have on here!! this situation has definitely made me realize i'm not alone. have a wonderful dayyy (also hope your period is treating you well) <3

[our-alterous-experience]

Alterous Air Time #2

Our previous song on Alterous Air Time was a bit more of a commentary on seclusion, and in contrast we have this very upbeat song about being bonded with someone! Especially celebrating queer non tradional love. This can definitely apply to our queer platonic siblings but due to this being AAT I’ll mostly be looking at this song with that fresh Alterous spin. I’d love to hear any queerplatonic takes on this song, or anyone in the community who identify with this song no matter the context!

Two Best Friends is a song about two best friends (from a 3rd person perspective) who are in love with each other, live together, write love letters, but aren’t “dating” / don’t acknowledge their relationship to others has anything but Best Friends.

One day my friend, they left the house

They met this girl, they told me about the fun they had, and in the end

She said "Hey, can we just stay friends?” But they don't care, it's totally fine

They fell in love with the quality time spent together, and all along

They'll just stay friends like nothing's wrong

I don’t have much to comment on this first verse as it sets up their relationship but! I think it says a lot about their relationship that from the start of them attempting to see if they like each other that they find comfort in their own grounds outside of dating. I think there’s a lot of fears in the alterous community of the idea of this situation ending horribly if they tried to do this. It’s nice to see a situation that works out very sweetly.

They put one foot in front of the other, two best friends in love with each other

And yeah they know but they don't care

One braids her hair, picks out her outfits, the other one loves to drive them around the town

And lets them pick the music

Everybody thinks they're meant to be and yeah they know but honestly who cares?

Guys loving alterously can be soooo sweet and fulfilling. The idea of two people finding such fulfillment in each other like this is so tooth aching to me. The way these two people are able to compliment each other’s lives while staying comfortable not defining things how conventional people would suggest. It’s such a great chorus that gets repeated like 3 times at the end with small interjections.

Everybody talks about all the rumors

I heard they met online like computers

I heard they walk with their hands close together

And somebody said they share the same bed

They hug and kiss and cuddle so close, they love handwriting love letter notes

And they share clothes— they're not the same size

But they don't care and no one knows why.

When there's so much love

Everybody drowns

AND GOOD FOR THEM. I feel as though this speaks so well to how much everyone else cares. So those of us who are seeking a label will be unwillingly pushed into the “romantic” label. Which is hard when the relationship is mostly non-romantic. Meanwhile if there’s no label and you’re “friends” people put air quote around it and speculate on all the “more than friends” things people think are strange to do with a “friend”. Often times this is all very amatonormativity pilled. But I love the illustration here of how much the two don’t care how others see them because they are happy together.

Alright, everybody

I don't care if y'all don't care

But y'all about to care now, so

When I say these lyrics

Y'all better repeat after me

I love this part and it goes on to repeat the “Put one foot in front of the other/two best friends in love with each other.” which I feel like speaks to this very, yes we don’t care about the “label” but we care about the love and happiness that is built off of the non traditional way the relationship comes across whether that’s a public detail or a private one.

They look each other in the eyes

And never leave each other's side

I heard that one of them proposed

But honestly nobody knows

I think something that raises the level of this song to me for an alterous perspective is the way it addresses this relationship. People complain about us “not understanding” how we feel or “you’ll meet someone eventually” type mentalities reject us fundamentally. But this song embraces ambiguity and is okay with the commitment people make to each other outside of expectations. The only reason these people are being looked at peculiarly in this song is because of their relationship where they are happy together and care for one another. This assumption from the masses that this relationship Has to be Something. And it probably is Something to these people, just not what those others would expect it to be.

This is a very nice song that can be interpreted as alterous joy! Which I really enjoy as it rejects some things that I think we can really struggle with (labeling ourselves, talking to others about our relationships, how others view and comment on us) and embraces a lot of joy despite that! Plus it’s a very fun song.

Alterous Air Time |||| Previous || Next

[melodygatesauthor]

Several questions if that’s okay)

what has been your fav fic to write? which ones have been a terrible process to write but you ended up loving? and what like perspective (like first, second, third) do you like the best/which do use the most do you find? (Me trying to get a hang of the perspective stuff-)

and a random wish of positive vibes for the rest of your day and hopefully longer!! tysm for your writing friend you’re amazing :D

Melody Gates Procrastinates

HEYYY! Yes ask ALL the questions you like bb (especially if the questions are this good!) <3

what has been your fav fic to write? -> This one was tough, I had to really think about it. If I had to pick the ONE that was my favorite to write (not necessarily my favorite one I've written) I have to pick Not a Doctor. Personally for me it was just a fun fic to write, and probably because it was VERY self indulgent.

I usually imagine a "character" for reader. Usually I have an idea in my head of how she looks (despite her being written completely blank for inclusivity) or how she acts. In this fic, I plopped myself down right into the fic mentally. I feel like I need to express that I would NOT slap Steven. The slap was meant to demonstrate just how INSANE she was going over this man.

I think it's no secret that Jake is my fave of the three, so I literally was like "I need to make this woman as crazy for him as I am" so I did. She can't stop thinking about him almost CONSTANTLY. She's doing insane things just to get his attention.

She's unHINGED, and so am I hehe.

----

which ones have been a terrible process to write but you ended up loving? -> Another good question. I feel like usually if I have a fic that I had a terrible time writing, I don't really like it very much. I do have a few of those lol. The Fractured Moon has been challenging to write for a couple of reasons.

The first being the content in general. I don't (obviously) have an issue writing about taboo topics like this, in fact I enjoy writing about those topics, but it's still hard to toe the line between making the boys completely unlikable, to making them likable enough despite the fact that they're SAing the reader on the daily and physically/mentally/emotionally abusing her after kidnapping her.

Second is the amount of story I'm cramming into them. This last chapter was about 15k or something? That's a long ass chapter lmao. The next one won't be as long I don't think, but I'm also planning some bonus chapters in order to add context. It's just a lot, but I love it.

----

what like perspective (like first, second, third) do you like the best/which do use the most do you find? -> Ok so this one is interesting haha. So when I very FIRST started really writing, I used to write in first person (I/Me). I was a teen when I started writing and that's how a lot of teen books were written at the time. I also remember when I wrote my first fic when I was 12, and I wrote in second person (you), and someone said "omg never write like that" so I thought it was bad and didn't for AGES.

Currently, for reader-insert fanfiction, I write in second person. To be clear, reader insert just means that you can "insert" yourself into the fic while reading. It's easier for most people to do that in second person, but you can really write reader insert from any perspective, not only second. That being said, I prefer to write in second person as it helps with immersion in my fics. This is also the most common one I see in fics from other writers!

I prefer to read regular fiction novels in third person personally. It's just easier for me to get into that way!

----

Thank you so much for the kind words! You're amazing!! Sorry this was so long lmaooo <3

[vacivusviscera]

Ok, so before I start yapping, lets get some things out of the way.

1. I am NOT a mental health professional.

2. I have no proof of this, I simply found the parallels very obvious and worth noting.

3. again, this is all speculation and based off of my personal knowledge of mental health and im just psychoanalyzing a character i deeply relate to and love for fun.

4. I started writing this at like 3am weeks ago. excuse if my ramblings are honestly incoherent, start getting repetitive, or if there is any grammatical errors.

TWS FOR MENTIONS OF THE FOLLOWING: Child abuse, self harm, etc. I will be VERY briefly going over my own experiences, youve been warned.

So, lets recap what are the unversed exactly?

unversed are vanitas’ negative emotions given shape, and as stated in the bbs novel, vanitas is in a VICIOUS cycle of creating and destroying them, along with accompanied physical pain + anger and hatred for himself and the creatures he creates.

Now, I want to look at this from a literal perspective. self harm is a literal physical manifestation negative emotions. the person harming themselves does it as a way to cope with how intense their emotions are. In my own experience its all so much that the only way you can cope is physically, you need something to take it out on so badly that in manifests by hurting yourself. (THIS IS NOT THE SAME FOR EVERYONE!!!). As we have established already, when Vanitas creates unversed, its always from a negative emotion, and it always causes him intense pain, he then feels shame and hatred for making the unversed, and that leads to more negativity which makes him create more unversed. lets look at the self harm cycle.

As you can see in this diagram, Vanitas goes through exactly this, but maybe in a more simple and watered down way. Van cycles through creating and destroying unversed quite quickly in the novel, so some parts of the cycle might be more obvious than others. And again, its important to note AGAIN self harm is different for everyone, and nobody’s experience is going to be the exact same.

Now, in the fourth screenshot you can see the cycle most clearly present in Vanitas’ behaviors. lets replace unversed with self harm. He feels like shit, he panics, and self harms, and then after self harming, he feels shame and hatred because self harm reminds him of how weak he is. This inevitably causes him more misery which causes him to relapse. See how that works? While im not sure if Tomoco Hanemaki intended to write a story about self harm, Vanitas’ self harm is so obvious and in your face I feel like I didnt need to make this post spewing the same things over and over lol. Vanitas is a victim of abuse and self harm and its as simple as that. And the cycle he goes through with the unversed and subsequent pain he feels creating and destroying them is the cycle of self harm. Maybe it would be more appropriate to not call the unversed themselves an allegory for self harm, but the cycle Vanitas goes through creating and destroying them an allegory.

The unversed are an allegory for self harm YES i will elaborate.

[np5enkidu]

so i finally read lb6

kinoko nasu, you've done it again. i loved it. i had so much fun, i almost wished it didn't have to end just yet. after olympus turned out a bit more disappointingly than i had expected, and after heiankyo had picked up the pace a little bit, i'm really happy that this chapter had such an impact for me.

and now it's over, for better or worse. but i had fun and i wanted to write down some thoughts.

spoilers for the whole chapter, but here's some general thoughts and scattered review;

visual novel properties;

really, really good. the backgrounds, ost and animation effects. the mors curse effect was eerie and i liked all of the animated scenes in the story. one thing that could've been improved on was that there could've been a few more npc fairy variants as some scenes had the same npc art with dialogue. same with the roman and french human soldiers. the ost callbacks (fuyuki ost for grímr appearance, bb channel - dark mix - for murian torturing the boys) were fun.

the ost;

bangers. really great. i loved the second map theme a lot and the battle osts were great (wish i heard more of baobhan siths, rip queen). thematically appropriate, memorable, leaving lasting impression.

battle content;

mob battles were fine, they didn't feel unnecessary or too out of place, except the nightly tamamocat appearances.

forced supports were apparently a pretty disliked part about this chapter, and while i don't think of it as that big of an issue, i can see why people would think that.

there were some odd choices (for example, da vinci+artoria as forced support against baobhan sith when every character was present) and i think most mob battles could've been without those supports. as someone who always tries to max out bond, it was a bit frustrating, but also allowed me to play more 5-stars with the cost being lower. though i think super kyrielight mash should give the 20% bond bonus if she's forced support, no reason not to.

overall, the forced supports didn't hinder me much, and i like artoria presence in the battles as you see her growth through the story.

the difficulty was as expected, nothing too dissimilar from olympus. my least fave boss fight was morgans, it was just frustrating spam and didn't feel challenging the same way the others did. albion was probably one of my fave ones, i liked the mechanic.

story;

the fucking. fairies.

i mean, i loved the story and the setup. the slowly unveiling horror of britain, the fragmented narrative split between two perspectives, the side narrative of love.

the story really hammered in the pain of being a viewer and a bystander, how you can't change it no matter how much you'd want to. i really ended up liking morgan more than i would've assumed, and the nature of death was so cruel. because it felt preventable, unnecessary, like it was one misstep that caused these faeries to lose all faith.

and the fairies. what is there to say.

the most selfish, the most pure, the most obstinate, the most sinful, lacking in understanding, love, reading comprehension.

it'd be easy to hate them, but there's also faeries who tried to do the right thing, tried to atone and tried to change, so i find it challenging to dismiss all of them.

at first i thought morgan was just cold by nature, but she really didn't have a choice when it came to her subjects. they could've never understood her, and she did so much for them.

she was also fairy-like with her ways of trying to imitate the britain and camelot of proper human history, even when it was at odds with the fairy britain by nature.

there's a twisted satisfaction of seeing someone defy their fate and take matters into their own hands after the correct path causes so much grief. it doesn't have to be this way, is true but unfortunately it devolved into it can't be stay this way.

i also, of course, loved artoria caster. getting to know her and understand her. it's been said before, but seeing the cowardly, weak, anxious, hardworking, airheaded, selfless artoria push through. despite everything, the noise, the winter, the autumn, the knowledge of what's at the end. it's heartbreaking, it's delightful, it's everything.

she was ready to give up at any moment, she really didn't believe in herself, she was thinking about running away. compared phh artoria who shouldered all of the worries of her countrymen despite it leading to ruin, artoria caster feels so humanly relatable. unsure of anything, her own motivations, the legibility of the prophecy, she struggles on until she's ready to do what's expected of her. and artoria caster does it, despite how hard and painful it is, she's quick to cheer up after falling down.

and then she's gone. you can never really meet her, the one you travelled with, the one who was hanging onto one ridiculous hope. it's painful, yet joyful, she's free of suffering but we can never meet again.

and it's the kind of closure i think a lot of previous lostbelt acquaintances have been missing, the finality of it all. even if you summon the servant artoria caster, she's not coming back. and that's really wonderful. for her.

[akoiromanticstudent]

@consceleratuswrites:

THANK YOU @akoiromanticstudent bb this was fun!! I'M TAGGING YOU DIRECTLY TO DO 40. 25. and 70.

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

Ougghh hard to say I mean... Can I say all of them because I crave endless validation >:D ahahaha - I feel like my fics have ended up really garnering more or less the same amount of attention/response, at least over each respective publish date, but hey, basically if y'all like ANY of my fics, you'll like all of my other fics, because I don't vary much 🤣

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

fghjgsfkdfsLKFDHFJSDFHGJFHJKF I MEAN. I've had a lot of ideas. [extremely vivid NSFW sexual content descriptions ahead, so I'm gonna cut it here...]

I'm thinking of a Reader POV shot: near the end of Turnabout and Satisfy, you're laid down, hips on the edge of the bed, Professor de Kuiper is well buried in you, bracing his hands on either side of you, he's leaning over you with a clearly rumbled suit jacket and partially undone shirt, and visibly unraveling based on the flushed, besotted expression on his face as he gazes at you with wonder and delight, his glasses nearly sliding off...

Or right after that, a perspective from the side: when he climaxes, he nearly totally covers a fairly nondescript reader, his clothed top half in sharp contrast to naked reader, and he's got a hand on reader's hip, locking it to his as his face is buried into the mattress, groaning and shaking

I think otherwise having a voyeuristic peek at Cartographer Siebren masturbating in a little forest clearing, the image framed by leaves, that'd be amazing.

70. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

Excited to tell fellow Sigma thirsters. Would not tell anyone else. NOPE.

[kiruuuuu]

Thank you for both your kind words as well as that wonderful mental image, anon 💝 :) I’m hella excited you enjoy this ship as well, so I hope you like reading about Blackbeard slowly going mad! (Rating T, BB sure loves rambling, ~4.8 words) - this contains references to underage sex!

.

Goyo is slowly but surely driving him insane.

The man is a fucking enigma. He might as well wear a question mark as his face because it’d tell Blackbeard just as much about his current mood or thoughts or expectations or hopes or fears as his actual face does (though he’s glad Goyo’s face is his actual face, seeing as it’s quite nice to look at, which isn’t to imply he’d like Goyo any less if he had no face, but it’d make kissing him a lot more complicated).

When he met him, Blackbeard thought him to be one of those quiet, cool guys who are just good at their job, and when they’re not at their job, they phase from existence because their job is all they are. Which is fine with Blackbeard. Some of his colleagues are like that: when anyone asks them about their hobbies, they’re hard pressed to come up with a reply since work isn’t a hobby, and neither is preparing for work.

But the moment Goyo first opened his mouth, Blackbeard realised his first impression couldn’t have been more wrong, because he sounds calm and sophisticated and confident and it instantly throws him off kilter. No, this isn’t some genius, this is one of those dudes who can’t take a joke, who think themselves better than everybody else, who react to things they deem profane not with honest opinions but rather thinly-veiled condescension, and they’re the worst. They’re the ones with whom Blackbeard has never gotten along, seeing as he was never sure whether they kept him around to secretly make fun of him, or out of misplaced pity, or to become more popular, or because they’re too awkward to be openly rude.

They’re the ones he can’t read. They never laugh along. They quietly sit next to him until someone calls on them and then they effortlessly trump him with whatever they have to say.

He justified his own actions with the excuse of ‘at least I’m being sincere’ for the longest time. He doesn’t like them, and so he shows it, meaning everyone knows where they’re at. After he’s declared his dislike, some kind of arrangement is made, and they never have to speak to each other again (only he had trouble keeping away because it is kinda gratifying to watch them squirm in discomfort) – and clearly, it’s better than putting up a front made up of false niceties and fake smiles which doesn’t hold up for a second longer as soon as they’re not in the same room anymore.

These days, he’s come to a different conclusion. They simply worried him.

Some of them bested him in various disciplines, causing him to push himself harder because he didn’t want to be left behind and because he can’t let someone he doesn’t like overtake him. Their indifference towards him left him insecure since he’s a people pleaser at heart, wants to be loved and admired by everybody and simply had absolutely no fucking clue how he could get them to like him. And he always thought this sentiment was universal: everyone wants to be popular, don’t they? All humans want to be liked. Only these specific people’s very existence threatened this world view. They didn’t want to be liked by everybody. So what did it mean that they got to the same place as Blackbeard, when he obeyed all the rules and played all the games? Conventions exist for a reason, and shouldn’t be ignored like that.

So yes. Goyo was one of those.

Except he wasn’t. Thermite found him hilarious. Pulse developed a sudden interest in Goyo’s field of expertise. Ash invited him out for drinks. Valkyrie appreciated his earnest nature (and really, what the hell?). The only one with whom Goyo pointedly didn’t interact was Blackbeard.

And they kept going on about how friendly he was, and how well he fit in, and Blackbeard didn’t understand. Stared hard at this mystery of a man and just didn’t understand. Goyo wasn’t stand-offish. He obeyed some rules and played most games, just not Blackbeard's favourite ones, and neither did he let him provoke him, which deprived Blackbeard of the satisfaction of making him uncomfortable as well. What the fuck was he supposed to do with that?

But there was another problem. He’s gay.

It’s a can of worms he’d prefer not to open – if his mind was a house, then he’d shoved all of… that down the stairs into the basement, never to be seen again, collecting dust and sitting untouched. (It’s only recently that he’s begun clearing some of it out, airing it, finding use for it in the living room or somewhere else.) And whenever he learnt that anyone in his vague vicinity was gay, the door slammed open and something yelled at him really loudly the two words which would haunt him for a few weeks:

WHAT IF.

Dumb. Useless.

Disruptive, even, it’s not like he’d do anything, it’s not like the guy would do anything, it’s unlikely to be a topic between them, and still he wonders what it’d be like to kiss whoever was unfortunate enough to haunt Blackbeard for a while. This happens with everyone. Intrusive thoughts he can’t for the life of him control. They do fade the longer he knows the person, fortunately, but in the beginning, whenever the name is mentioned, his brain flashes him a question à la what would it feel like to hug him. Never has he acted on it, nor has he confessed this to anyone, which… likely made it worse, alright, now he knows it, but as a terrified navy officer, his main concern wasn’t whether he might regret neglecting that unwanted basement in his head later in life.

He made a point of never joking about it. Not he himself, at least. Not about this. If anyone ever noticed, they didn’t mention it to him.

In any case, there was the fact that Goyo was there and not going to go away any time soon, and he was gay, and really handsome. The tingly kind of handsome. The car crash kind, making it impossible to look away, with his stupid beard and the weird, sexual way he sits, and how he twirls his pens around without even realising. His smile is…

Blackbeard didn’t want to label him with anything past handsome, not pretty or attractive or (god forbid) hot, because it fell too well in line with the WHAT IF still regularly being screamed at him, despite the weeks they’ve spent as acquaintances already, and for some reason, this time, it doesn’t go away.

With other colleagues, it vanished very quickly, but Goyo? Goyo starts appearing in his dreams. Just once or twice, really, nothing compromising, a few words exchanged or a laugh (and he’s seen him laugh in Valkyrie’s presence, and dear fucking lord), but it has an uncomfortable side effect.

His brain convinces him he has some kind of claim on him. Nothing insane, not like he thinks Goyo owes him anything, and yet… He knows Goyo is single, so he should appreciate any offer he gets, and Blackbeard is certain Goyo would prefer if they got along better anyway, and besides, Blackbeard is a catch, right? He’s good-looking, funny, skilled, forthright, adventurous – nothing to scoff at. Surely it’s enough to warrant a try.

And when he’s instantly shot down, he realises that he can’t read this man at all.

.

Unfortunately for both of them, it’s a recurring theme in their interactions. Even after a while, even after Blackbeard has noticed Goyo’s lips thinning when he disapproves of something, or that his ‘yeah it’s fine’ is sometimes nothing more than a passive-aggressive ‘I’d prefer something else’, even then he doesn’t know the source of it. Because Goyo just doesn’t fucking talk to him.

The basics are there.

Not only that, the basics are great and Blackbeard is fully aware of it: both of them are putting effort into their relationship. He once heard it’s the single most important aspect of anything meant to last, and his prior relationships seem to support this claim – and hands down, both of them are committed to this. There’s not a single day without any type of contact, whether it’s texting, a short call, or meeting up, Goyo keeps track of what he likes to eat and cooks accordingly, Blackbeard brings small gifts, they pay each other compliments which are heartfelt and earnest, and they compromise on how they spend their time together. They’re comfortable around each other. He looks forward to seeing him every day that he does.

And there’s the whole… other stuff. All of which leaves Blackbeard flustered whenever he even thinks about it, and he’ll say this much: Goyo is infinitely more passionate than he would’ve expected. Generous, too. And really, really good.

That said, this is where the ‘but’ comes in (and no, he’s not referring to the fun part anymore).

Goyo can’t fucking communicate. It’s driving Blackbeard up the walls. He’s totally incapable of putting his emotions into words, which makes no sense at all. Once they started dating and Goyo opened up more, the complaints began, and honestly? Blackbeard was delighted. Because Goyo didn’t just nag, he pointed out aspects which bothered him in a constructive way and either suggested a solution or appreciated it when Blackbeard corrected it himself – or he was satisfied with a compromise. Maybe not always satisfied, there are still unresolved issues like him being inept to show up on time, ever, and insisting he’s in the right, but even then he doesn’t make a big fuss over it. Banter, yes. Some teasing. Remarks delivered with a grin. Tongue-in-cheek comments. Blackbeard does exactly the same, so he respects it.

In the past, it’s happened a few times that his current girlfriend was unhappy about something but didn’t mention it, not really, not to the point where Blackbeard would’ve realised it to be as serious as it turned out to be. Instead, her dissatisfaction grew and grew, in one instance accompanied by contempt, and eventually came an outburst he couldn’t have prevented if he tried, seeing as he knew nothing about it. Having a partner this vocal about problems is refreshing.

But there are certain topics Goyo doesn’t mention. Or moments where he simply clams up. It’s impossible to tell when it’ll happen or why, but now and then Goyo gets utterly lost in his own thoughts (or at least that’s what Blackbeard thinks is happening), and then he either loses the thread of their conversation entirely, or takes forever to reply. Blackbeard gets incredibly antsy whenever he receives no reaction, so his boyfriend doing it to him is twice as bad. He’s aware Goyo lives inside his head a lot of the time, sure, and as a result, almost everything he says is well thought through and genuine (at least the non-sarcastic bits), but for him, it’s difficult to deal with nonetheless. He often panics during those pauses and wonders whether he’s done something wrong and Goyo is currently trying to work out how to break it to him.

And when it comes to Goyo’s feelings, he’s a lost cause. Blackbeard doesn’t doubt for a second that Goyo spends a good portion of his time analysing himself and introspecting, it’s just… he doesn’t seem to be very good at it.

That, or he also has a basement full of dusty, forgotten, pushed-away objects.

Goyo thinks himself ‘sociable enough’. It’s how he himself expressed it. Blackbeard begs to differ, and strongly so: Goyo hardly ever seeks out other people, regularly turns down invitations as well and is awfully quiet in groups, not to mention he takes forever to warm up to people (and there’s the not-so-small matter about his lack of punctuality too). Blackbeard finds his behaviour quite rude a lot of the time and is pretty sure the others only give Goyo the benefit of the doubt to be nice.

He says of himself that he’s not very demanding, only to keep demanding things of Blackbeard. More touching. More housework. Less gym time. No shaving. More spontaneity (and he seems to overlook the obvious irony in telling someone to be spontaneous).

This is another thing: he keeps disrupting Blackbeard's daily schedule without feeling a shred of guilt over it. Calling at inopportune times, trying to keep him in bed in the morning, suddenly wanting to eat lunch a specific place, changing plans they made weeks ago a few minutes before leaving. It’s like he’s testing Blackbeard's patience and adaptability.

And the worst thing of all is simultaneously also the best thing: Blackbeard really, really, really likes him.

If he were a dog, his tail wouldn’t stop wagging for a second in Goyo’s presence. His brain fills with exclamation marks any time he sees him. Any compliments Goyo has ever paid him play on repeat, his smile is the last image Blackbeard sees before he goes to sleep, and he’s the first person he texts whenever anything happens. He has no idea what caused Goyo’s change of heart, what made him give Blackbeard a chance, but he’s endlessly grateful it happened. The fluttering in his stomach still hasn’t stopped when they’re spending quality time together, and his heart thumps twice as fast whenever they kiss. It’s the worst crush of his life and he doesn’t even know how it developed.

When he wants to be, Goyo is exceedingly witty, charming, supportive, empathetic, patient, loving, trusting. They’ve had a long conversation about sexuality which corrected some of the preconceptions Blackbeard still held, and at no point did he feel patronised, alienated, or uncomfortable. It’s probably what keeps them together: the knowledge they respect and trust each other. Goyo knows he’d never knowingly hurt his feelings, and he believes the same of Goyo. Jealousy is no topic between them, and boundaries are regularly drawn, re-drawn, negotiated, accepted. (Though not nearly as often as Blackbeard would’ve liked. He’s aware Goyo can feel suffocated sometimes and would prefer them to talk it out properly, but it’s one of the topics Goyo usually deflects.)

.

With how communicative Blackbeard is, he’s suffered from the lack of outside feedback on their relationship. Asking for advice is out of the question as no one else knows he’s dating anyone, and not being able to gush about the way Goyo sometimes wraps himself around him when they’re watching something on his bed kills him a little inside. He wants to share it all, the good and the bad, seeks reassurance on everything he’s doing and desires normality. A state where he can throw in ‘oh yes, my boyfriend mentioned it the other day’ without earning any kind of odd reaction. A world where the others ask him about how Goyo is doing, and whether they’ve been to this restaurant yet, and so on.

He knows that he himself is the only obstacle in this, but his track record in Rainbow hasn’t been the best and he’s worried the girls will call him out on hitting on them with no intention of starting a relationship. Which wouldn’t actually be far off the mark, unfortunately. Valkyrie is his best bet since they’re thick as thieves, but she’s been side-eyeing him for a while already and he’s pretty sure she suspects something. He hates when she can go ‘I told you so’ and be right about it.

Regardless, he’s going to explode if he can’t talk about Goyo to someone soon, and Vigil will certainly not want to hear about how ticklish his Mexican colleague is.

.

“Meghan, I need to tell you something”, he blurts out, startling his best friend and nearly causing her to drop her beer. They’re on Buck’s balcony, holding on to cans as if they were their lifeline to what little bit of their sanity is left after everyone heard Maverick suggest bodyshots earlier (only half jokingly), and then Castle murdered everyone by showing off photos of his newly adopted puppy. Even Blackbeard was squealing like a little girl. He really should look into adopting a dog himself. He wonders whether Goyo likes dogs.

“Don’t tell me you want to join Sanaa on her odyssey”, Valkyrie interrupts his thoughts, looking worried. “They’re all trying to deter her for a reason, we don’t need you encouraging -”

“What are you talking about?”, he interrupts her, aghast, and once her words have sunk in, he repeats: “No, really, what are you talking about? That sounds amazing. I wanna be a part of it. Where is she going?”

“Craig.”

Odd. Goyo sounds almost the same whenever he’s displeased. Blackbeard should text him about the dog later. “Yes. Where was I?”

“You made a vague threat.”

He blinks at her for a moment, mind blank. Goyo has said before that alcohol causes his brain to misfire, and he’s beginning to believe it. “Oh. Yes. Meghan, I’m dating someone. And don’t be smug, okay? I can’t deal with smug right now.”

Valkyrie’s lips twitch in amusement. “Would you like supportive? That’s great! I’m so happy for you! I hope it’s going wonderful, you really deserve it!”

“You’re the worst”, he informs her, prompting a laugh.

“It’s been a while already, hasn’t it?” He nods. He supposes it’s obvious to anyone who knows him well enough, and Valkyrie certainly does. After all, he can’t stop smiling on some days and must look like a lunatic. Maybe he should send a nice text first so Goyo knows he thought of him. “I figured. How is it going and why is it César?”

He chokes on his beer. She doesn’t even have the grace to look guilty while he’s busy coughing his lungs out, and when he makes an inquisitive sound, she even smirks. It was bad enough to learn that Smoke and Mute found out about their relationship (and he’s still not entirely sure about whether they found out on their own or Goyo helped a bit), and now it turns out Valkyrie knew all along?

“Don’t worry, no one else knows. But neither of you were very subtle about it to me. You kept asking about him, he kept asking about you… plus you’ve been really nice to him recently.”

Oh. He asked about Blackbeard? This is relevant information. He opens his mouth to inquire some more, but Valkyrie adds casually: “And he at least is openly gay. Very open. Remember how he mentioned his male ex-fiancé on the first day? He really didn’t allow for any ambiguity.”

And hold up. Blackbeard's brain struggles to process what it just heard. Wait.

Wait what.

.

There are two cans cooking on the stove.

Blackbeard is failing to grasp reality right now. He dumbly stares at the two unlabelled metal cans sitting in boiling water and doesn’t understand what’s happening. He doesn’t understand much of what’s going on at the moment anyway, and he’s fairly sure it’s not just the alcohol’s fault. The water bubbles happily around the objects, and time and space are collapsing around him.

“Hey, Bee”, comes a familiar voice from behind him and he’s embraced in a tight hug, lips planting themselves on his shoulder a few times before he’s released again. “You’re back early.”

“Jack’s apartment flooded. A few went with him to help, but Meghan dropped me off here. The hell are you making? Tin-flavoured soup?”

Goyo laughs and though the sound would normally flood him with endorphins, right now he just eyes the other man with a frown. “No, it’s dulce de leche.”

Blackbeard tries and fails to put the delicious caramel-like substance in any relation to what’s happening before him, though he does file something away for later perusal: he should ask Goyo to speak more Spanish around him. He might be onto something there. “How?”

“Sweetened condensed milk. When you boil it long enough, it turns into gooey ambrosia. You mentioned how you were looking for new ideas for ice cream – swirl this into anything and blow everyone’s minds.”

Oh. That does sound delicious, and the fact that Goyo is staying up late to do him a favour is also heartwarming, but the question burning on Blackbeard's tongue will not sit idly for a second longer. He asks: “Why did you never tell me of your ex-fiancé?”

Goyo, checking out the timer next to the pot, responds with another question without lifting his gaze: “Oh. Which one?”

He can’t be serious. Blackbeard waits, fully expecting him to be joking, but he seems genuinely surprised at Blackbeard's dumbstruck expression when he finally does look up. “I’ve had a turbulent past involving a few poor decisions”, he admits and something tells Blackbeard there’s a good possibility this is a massive understatement. “Is that a problem?”

Is it? He’s not entirely sure. The fact that he had to hear about it from Valkyrie might be one, and then there’s his crumbling impression of Goyo as someone largely sensible. He comes across as well-mannered, composed, logical – though Blackbeard has noticed most of these waver over time. The deeper he dives, the more of the iceberg he sees. “You just… seemed like someone who has his life together”, he says weakly. Goyo has friends and family who care about him, is comfortable in his own skin, good at his job.

His words are mulled over for a while with pursed lips, until Goyo decides: “I suppose I do. Except for my love life.”

“You did say at one point that all relationships you had were long, meaningful and deep. So I figured…”

“My relationships were mostly great, yes. Anything that doesn’t fall into that category, well”, and Goyo makes an uncertain hand gesture which, once again, fills Blackbeard with a sense of foreboding dread as it screams understatement. “I did start out by paying a guy to fuck me.”

Blackbeard has no clue how to react, and so he chooses to stare at his boyfriend in horror.

“Yeah. Life was tough where I grew up. This super hot straight dude caught wind of me being a reliable source of cigarettes and asked me about it. I convinced him to fuck me for smokes – which I was buying with my allowance money, I think.”

“Allowance”, Blackbeard echoes stupidly. “Wait, how old were you?”

“I think fifteen, why does it matter, Bee?”

“How old was the dude?!”

“Early twenties? Thinking about it, he really should’ve handled his finances better.”

Blackbeard is in shock. “So… he took advantage of you. Lightly said.” Very lightly.

To his utter disbelief, Goyo simply frowns and shakes his head. “What? No. It was my idea. I had to talk him into it.”

“Yeah but – you were a minor. He was an adult, he shouldn’t have -”

“Did you miss the part where he not only sold his body for some cigs but also let a teenager get the better of him? What about that makes it seem like he’d fell any reasonable decisions in his life?”

“Did you report him? Did he get arrested?” He can’t wrap his head around why Goyo seems so calm talking about this.

“Huh? Not for sleeping with me, no. He was a thieving piece of shit though, so he did end up in jail.”

“Stop defending him, do you really think he did nothing wrong?”

Goyo eyes him curiously. “Do you think that he did?”

And of course. Of course he does, it’s not just personal opinion with this kind of shit, it’s a fact that an adult exploited Goyo and how does he not see it? How can he view it any other way? Blackbeard has trouble putting his outrage in words, so he attempts a different angle: “Are you saying you’d be alright with someone else who’s twenty sleeping with a teenager who’s -”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Generally, of course not. But we’re talking about me here. I know what happened. I can assess it from my point of view.”

“But you were too young -”

“You don’t get to rewrite my past”, Goyo interrupts him sharply and so Blackbeard shuts up, dissatisfied. Next to them, the kitchen timer erupts into frantic beeping, prompting Goyo to turn the heat off, pluck the cans out of the pot with a pair of tongs and put them on a wire rack to cool.

Meanwhile, Blackbeard tries to decide whether all this changes how he sees the man before him. He’s not sure.

“Laws are in place for a reason and I’d be the first one to tell any teenager not to do what I did”, Goyo continues, directed at the slightly steaming metal. “But what I did happened and it was what I really wanted at the time. We do stupid things when we’re young. You don’t get to judge me for it. Only I can, and I’m not.”

It’s hard to relate. Blackbeard wouldn’t say he grew up sheltered, but certainly privileged, and though there’s plenty of stuff he did which he’d advise against, there’s none he’d defend like this. Except Goyo might be explaining instead of defending. He refuses to condemn while still being aware of the shady circumstances.

“Look, Bee, no one got hurt. Quite the opposite. Let’s leave it at that and go to bed, hm?” Goyo kisses him briefly before exiting the kitchen, already pulling his shirt over his head and exposing his toned back in the process. The sight awakens a strong urge to touch, but not in a sexual way – Blackbeard is filled with a comfortable sense of belonging instead. He knows what Goyo’s smooth skin feels like and that he’s free to caress it as much as he wants. It’s one of his favourite perks of any relationship: being allowed to show physical affection.

A little lost and still dazed from their previous topic, he trails after his lover and watches Goyo strip down to his underwear in the bedroom. “I wasn’t planning on going to sleep immediately”, he says, knowing full well he’ll climb in after Goyo regardless.

“We don’t have to sleep.”

Blackbeard stares at him blankly, thoughts continuously trying to process their conversation.

“I’ll read a bit and you can text some people. You told Meghan about us, didn’t you? She sent me a single message an hour ago which just said good luck.”

It seems this would be all Goyo has to say on the matter of his sexual past for now, and Blackbeard belatedly realises that he avoided mentioning his ex-fiancé (ex-fiancés??) entirely, so he should prepare for a similar talk in the near future. It’s become a habit of theirs which he genuinely doesn’t like – they address a topic, argue, and then drop it without a satisfying conclusion, without being on the same page. Most of the time, it ends up merely postponing the issue as it inevitably comes up again, though he does suppose there’s some merit in being able to think it through on his own before tackling it again. Both of them can be quite stubborn, and a break to sort their thoughts (and in Blackbeard's case, engage some outside advice) is beneficial.

So maybe it’s not so bad to not ruin the night with something they’ll ultimately refuse to agree on, and instead cuddle in bed.

Goyo becomes a temporary magnet in these instances, impossible to pry off, and Blackbeard has no choice but to hold him tight and bask in his body heat. Not like he’d want anything other than exactly this.

“Was it scary?”, Goyo mutters into his hair while stroking his back. They’ll separate soon and wind down in their own way before sleeping, but right now they just enjoy each other’s presence.

“She already knew I’m bi. She likes you and I trust her. Why would it be scary?”

“Still. It’s fine if it was.”

Blackbeard is silent for a minute. “A bit”, he admits and feels Goyo’s lips stretch into a smile.

“I’m glad it seemed to have gone well. And I’m proud of you.”

And this, this is why Blackbeard basically fawns over this bastard all day in his head. His heart throbs and he pulls Goyo even closer, relieved that the prior revelations apparently don’t make a difference between them. Goyo is right, the past can’t be changed, but neither does it need to dictate the present. “It did go well, she said you’d be good for me on the way here. She also mentioned you asking about me.”

Goyo chuckles. “You know, the first thing I ever asked about you was whether you’ve got a wife.”

And it’s a relief to hear that not only Blackbeard used to be terrible at reading him.

[bleachbleachbleach]

Sorry if you've already been asked these for A03 meme: 3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? and 29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

AO3 Wrapped Meme

3. What work are you most proud of

I am lucky to feel proud of all the Bleach fics I wrote this year (which cannot be said of the two non-Bleach fics I wrote this year LOL). But I'm probably most proud of D O N K I because I spent the most time with it and it took the most work. I love the opening with Orihime's weird little neighbor way more than is necessary; I felt like I was writing the first chapter of an entire novel about that guy. I love the Worm TV. I love Orihime and Hitsugaya's shopping trip. I'm proud of being able to make connections between Hitsugaya and Orihime even as they're living incredibly separate lives at that moment. Hitsugaya isn't even mentally present for half the fic because he's thinking about Hinamori, a person he explicitly does not explain to Orihime; and Orihime herself is very much focused on her impending trip to Soul Society to train with Rukia--a plan she also doesn’t disclose to Hitsugaya until the very end--but they still manage to be the person each needs that night.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

I tried to think back and be like, okay, what piece do I really, really remember at the level of the line, or language? One that comes to mind is this one, from From Afar:

"This Aizen guy," Toushirou says, taking another sip of his tea. "He inspires you?"

Hinamori nods. She stares at the leaf fragments at the bottom of her cup. There are futures written in them, somewhere.

"Because he has good handwriting." Toushirou peers up at her wittingly, and oh, she could smack him.

"Because Aizen-taichou taught us all how to do the same," Hinamori specifies.

Toushirou looks thoughtful for a moment, then nods.

They don't speak for a long time. With the sun beginning to set, the puppets aren't telling stories anymore. They've begun to wander, moved by drunkenness or independent spirit, soliciting kan from anyone who seems wont to give it. By dusk, the stories are well past having broken apart. There will be more come morning.

It’s just a piece of casual conversation--not a culmination of anything or a scene that’s intended as a big moment. Hitsugaya and Hinamori are just drinking tea at the tail-end of a weird puppet festival. But I really like it, because from a backstage perspective it was really, really fun to put together.

Because I got to think about what is possibly my favorite dang scene to think about in this entire manga, LOL, Hitsugaya and Hinamori’s first conversation where Hitsugaya, among other things, cautions Hinamori about 3rd Division and Aizen going out for walks alone:

[Bleach 101]

Because Hitsugaya refers to him as “Aizen no yatsu.” This ensorcels me because it feels either way more familiar than we have any reason to believe Hitsugaya and Aizen are--they aren’t bros?!?--or, failing that, unnecessarily rude, because Aizen is his well-regarded milquetoast colleague.

The “Aizen no yatsu” feeds my reading of the scene that Hitsugaya is specifically trying to let Hinamori know that he’s telling these things to her as a friend, not as 10th captain. And I felt like it would make all the sense in the world if this is a way he’s referred to Aizen since long before he ever met him, was ever 10th captain, was ever planning to meet him. Where Aizen is just some guy Hinamori talks about an awful lot about.

So here’s bb Hitsugaya at some rando puppet festival in Junrinan, asking after “Aizen no yatsu” and referencing the AIZEN CALLIGRAPHY CLASS that Hinamori loves so much (read: that I love so much), so that 35 years later, when he tells Hinamori to be cautious when Aizen goes out walking alone, it is that type of moment and that relationship he means to evoke as context. 

Are these the connections the reader is expected to make in this scene in the fic? I would not expect that, no, LOL. I mean, first of all, Hitsugaya doesn’t even call him “Aizen no yatsu,” because the fic is written in English, and the translation “this Aizen guy” is less specific. This was for me. This was very much 100% for me and my obsession with this panel. XDDDD 

If this scene has an intended takeaway outside of Hitsugaya and Hinamori getting to spend time together, it’s that Hinamori tells us a little bit about why she loves Aizen as much as she does. It’s not just that he’s super powerful, or even that he’s nice. It’s that he is so willing to teach, to share that knowledge. And Hinamori wants to learn.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

You have no idea how fast I dropped everything when I got the notification that you posted 🥹 I'm so obsessed with these series please 😭 (I've just always ADORED the trope of found family - maybe this is also one of the reasons why I love kpop groups lmao, anyway)

THIS WAS SO WKNCOSIDJFJF 🥵 OMG PLEASE. First of all, how do you come up with this. I really really love all the kinds of relationships and types of sex you've explored so far in this, it feels different everytime, especially depending on the couple, and I don't really know how to explain but the dynamics of them reflect so well when they get intimate??? It's just so lovely to read.

Now, Chris in that last one. Wow. It was so so interesting to read his perspective. We all know that he's just so selfless and kind, of course he'd be like that regarding love too. Poor boy deserves all the love he can get. You could really feel how whipped he was from the beginning and how his yearning kept growing more and more 🥹

And oh boy, reading the scene when his rut hits from his perspective. The way he struggled to control his urges, it was so intense. BUT BOY HIS REACTION WHEN HE REALIZES THAT SHE WANTS HIM TOO.

And lastly, the thighs. I really really love all the attention they get in this. Very well deserved in my opinion. And please the way he shyly asked to fuck them lmao eyfkfjsi 🤸🏻‍♀️ I've seen this mentioned before but as someone with thicker thighs this feels so good to read 💖

Lmao this was so long, I'm just really happy you seem to enjoy writing this as much as we enjoy reading it. tysm for sharing your writing, really 🫶🏼

Hope you have a nice day/night, I'm about to catch a flight and daydream about werewolves for three hours lol 😆

- 🍒

aaaaaaaaaaaaa bb this is so detailed, i'm super flattered you took the time to send me this omg

how do i come up with this??? honestly??? i have no clue, i'm just vibing lmao. guess i just have these abstract concept related to each couple in my brain and every time i'm writing for one i just pull from those.

also writing his perspective of the rut scene was soooooo fun !! i remember when i was writing ICO i had like, this idea of what might be going through his head at the time, but actually sitting down and writing it down just gave him so much more personality i feel like...

listen, big thighs are amazing. respectfully??? nom nom nom, love them big thighs, they deserve all the attention in the world. i love how adding this aspect to these stories have made so many people happy tbh. especially bc at the beginning it was something i added just because? i just felt like it so i added it and people liked it and it's nice. if it helps anyone feel better about themselves then it's 100% worth it.

i have SO much fun writing for this AU (and writing in general), and honestly, i'd still do it even if i weren't publishing them online bc i enjoy it that much, but being able to share something that gives me joy with people, and people also getting joy from it is suuuper lovely, it's one of the best things of sharing content within a fandom, so i really appreciate when y'all write to me about these things 💜

hope you have a nice/day too and that your flight goes well bb !!

[theggning]

I Hate the Alternate Ending of Blind Betrayal, and Here's Why!

DISCLAIMER THE FIRST: Massive spoilers for Fallout 4 abound. This post discusses Blind Betrayal, a quest with suicide as a heavy theme. Content warning applies.

DISCLAIMER THE SECOND: This post discusses cut OFFICIAL content from Fallout 4 that has since been repurposed into multiple mods. I am not criticizing any modders or their implementations of this content. Mods are fun and people can enjoy whatever the hell kind of game experience they want with whatever mods they want.

I am ONLY interested in discussing the original cut content as Bethesda had written it, and how it would have impacted the story and lore of Fallout 4.

So, yeah, it seems there was originally going to be another way to conclude Blind Betrayal (BB).

As described in this Kotaku article (citing this post by Tumblr user tentacle-explosion,) there are unused audio files of Danse’s dialogue that show an alternate ending to his pivotal quest. These lines are the only evidence we have of this ending (suggesting that it was cut fairly early on, as no other actors/characters seem to have recorded for it.)

From what we can tell, in this alternate ending of BB, Danse comes up with a possible way out of the sticky situation re: his identity as a synth. According to the Brotherhood Litany, he is able to challenge Maxson’s authority as Elder via combat. If you agree to this idea, you go with Danse to challenge Maxson. The Paladin and the Elder duel one another, Danse wins, and Maxson dies. Then Danse names the Sole Survivor the new Elder-- or with a hard charisma check, you’re able to convince Danse to take the job himself. It is unknown how the main plot would have progressed beyond this point, as there is no other evidence of what being (or influencing) the Elder would have been like or what choices it would have given you.

There is understandable disappointment in learning that this ending was cut. Choices in games are great, and it could have been fun to have multiple different options for how to resolve the quest. In many gaming circles, people complain that this theoretical ending is superior to the one we got and shouldn’t have been axed. The Kotaku article calls it a “way better” ending, and you’ll see many players lamenting that it wasn’t implemented, saying Bethesda was bad at writing for cutting it, etc.

So why did Bethesda get rid of the Elder ending of BB?

In December 2020, after the Fallout 4 Cast Reunion, Danse’s voice actor Peter Jessop answered questions in a private signing session on his Instagram. Peter Jessop is an extremely kind and gracious man, an avid gamer, and a huge fan of Fallout. During the stream, he reflected on the alternate ending and remembered recording the lines, but stated the content was ultimately cut because Bethesda decided it was lore-breaking.

Peter Jessop is right. Bethesda was right. The Elder ending of BB is a bunch of dumb nonsense. It sucks, I hate it, and I’m glad they got rid of it. And now I’m going to tell you why!

SIDENOTE: King Shit of Fuck Mountain

There is no wrong way to play a single-player video game. If you are having fun, then you are accomplishing the task for which the game was made. Good for you! Play it on easy. Play it on hard. Mod it. Speedrun it. Make up an intricate roleplaying scenario. Perform “challenge” runs. Kill everybody you see. Ignore the story and run around collecting wheels of cheese. Games are meant to be fun and there is nothing wrong with enjoying a game however you damn well please. This is especially true for RPGs like Fallout, which are designed with player freedom in mind.

There is an RPG playstyle I like to call King Shit of Fuck Mountain: a naked power fantasy in which your protagonist is the most powerful person ever, even beyond normal RPG plot significance. Through brute strength, incredible charisma, or having completed tons of quests for world-breaking artifacts and weapons, your character wields godlike influence, able to control people, factions, and the fabric of the world itself. A game enables KSoFM gameplay when it allows the player limitless freedom to gain as much power as they like with zero consequences to plot or storytelling.

A great example of this is the Dragonborn in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. If the player chooses to pursue every questline in the game, one single person can become Harbinger of the Companions, Archmage of the College of Winterhold, Listener of the Dark Brotherhood, Nightingale and Guildmaster of the Thieves’ Guild, hero of the Imperial/Stormcloak army, the chosen one of like, 11 different Daedric princes, a bard, a Blade, and otherwise just, absurdly goddamn powerful in completely unrealistic ways. And that’s not counting DLCs. A fully-kitted-out Dragonborn is King Shit of Fuck Mountain.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with playing KSoFM if you like to. But I’m not a big fan of this style, personally. Sure, my first Skyrim character became KSoFM while I was figuring out the game, but after my first playthrough I preferred my characters become coherent figures in the story of the world. I pick one or two character traits and things that my Dragonborn is good at, focus on them, and make them part of some overall story. My honorable Imperial paladin werewolf is in the Companions, and hunts vampires on principle. My Argonian sneaky archer is a gleeful thief, but would never jive with the College or the Dark Brotherhood. I like creating protagonists who fit into these settings immersively. I don’t care about power fantasies or being in charge. I don’t WANT my character to be all-powerful, because that ruins my immersion and my little story.

Additionally, in a plot-driven story-focused game like Fallout, KSoFM tears the narrative apart. Skyrim is fairly light on story, so the Dragonborn can be the leader of the Companions and the Dark Brotherhood and whatever other factions without any of them noticing or caring. But FO4’s themes, faction drama, and the main thrust of the plot don’t work at all if the Sole Survivor is able to become too powerful or too influential. The Sole Survivor cannot become the leader of every faction, solve every problem, or eliminate every inconvenient bend of the conflict because it makes the lore of the entire setting implode. Thus, the game forces you to choose between factions. You cannot be with the Minutemen and the Nuka-World Raiders. You cannot be with the Railroad and the Institute. And you cannot become Elder of the Brotherhood of Steel.

So if you’re the kind of person who loves playing KSoFM, if you like plots that your character can “solve” with relative ease, or if you just think it would be super cool for your Sole to become Elder regardless of surrounding storytelling, then you might think the Elder ending sounds super cool. You are absolutely allowed to disagree with me here. Install all the mods and write all the fic and have all the headcanons you like. I respect that. There is no wrong way to enjoy a single-player video game. Have fun!

But if you’re a big nitpicky pedantic lore nerd like me, a fan of cohesive storytelling, or if you just want to hear how the Elder ending of BB absolutely fucking ruins Maxson, Danse, the Brotherhood of Steel, and the entire plot of FO4 from a narrative perspective, read on!

1. The Synth Thing

The Elder ending requires the stupid plot contrivance of the BoS forgetting about Danse’s synthhood.

One of the biggest problems with the BoS as an institution is their strict and dogmatic beliefs, which include a widespread dislike of non-human species. Perhaps more than any other non-humans, the BoS hates synths. Synths are, in their eyes, machines given free will, a violation of the sanctity of human life and the ultimate example of technology run amok. To them, synths are not sympathetic, they are not slaves, and they are not victims of circumstance. They are weapons that left unchecked will destroy all of humanity for a second time. Synths are anathema to everything the BoS stands for, and finding out that one of their most beloved and trusted Paladins is one is an earth-shattering blow to their integrity and sense of security.

It is completely absurd that the BoS would allow a synth within their ranks, particularly as they are waging war against the Institute, who created synths in the first place. It is even MORE absurd that they’d allow one to influence their Elder, or even worse, to become Elder. It completely undermines their mission in the Commonwealth, and the core tenets of their extremely rigid beliefs. No matter the Elder, no matter the Litany or obscure BoS law, no matter how valuable the Sole Survivor is as a soldier or how much influence they wield. Danse is a synth. He’s the enemy. He is physically the embodiment of everything they hate.

Not only wouldn’t they trust a synth in general, but the BoS specifically believes that Danse is an infiltrator for the Institute. Even Danse believes that he is a danger, that the Institute may be able to take control of him and use him as a weapon. Sure, we know none of this is actually true, or possible, but the BoS don’t know that. And given how quick they are to order Danse dead without even the possibility of surrender, I don’t think there’s any charisma in the world that’s going to convince them otherwise.

According to Peter Jessop, this, ultimately, is the reason why the Elder ending was cut. He talks about it around the 11:30 timestamp in his Instagram stream, linked above:

“We recorded an ending where you keep Danse alive and you take over the Brotherhood. But there was a question of content… there’s no way the Brotherhood, once they knew he was a synth, would let him be even the right hand of the person in charge.”

Bethesda correctly recognized the incredible narrative contrivance for the BoS to shrug off the reason they’re trying to execute Danse in the first place. Whatever other beefs I have with this ending conceptually, they all come in second to just what a big dumb leap it is to get beyond this first and most important problem.

2. The Complete Death of Conflict

The Elder ending of BB destroys the conflict of the quest, and potentially the conflict of the entire game.

Greed is a poison. There is no such thing as a perfect ideal or a perfect organization. Power corrupts. Humanity has the choice to build back better. War never changes. The Fallout games are full of themes, depicted by the characters and quests and factions we play out.

Blind Betrayal is rightfully praised as one of the most powerful quests in FO4. Not only is it well-acted, but it puts the player in a very difficult position. The BoS has given you clout and glory and free power armor and lots of firepower, but now you see the price: unquestioning obedience. You are ordered to execute your friend and mentor Danse for the mere fact he is a synth. Are you going to follow that unjust order? Are you willing to give up your principles on command? Or is this where you can no longer stay quiet and stay in line?

To be honest, I’ve always thought the fact you can talk Maxson out of killing Danse but still remain with the BoS in good standing was a cop-out. BB goes 90% of the way to forcing you to choose between a companion and a faction, and then chickens out at the last second to let you have both, if your charisma is high enough.

(I believe this has the fingerprints of Skyrim’s development on it-- Bethesda’s writers got nervous about doing another Paarthurnax choice involving the fan favorite Brotherhood of Steel. That’s right. Danse is the Paarthurnax of Fallout. Frankly, I understand why they chose not to go there, but damn, wouldn’t it have been wild? You want to run with the BoS? Then kill your friend and feel the burn. THIS is what it means to follow orders without question.

As for me, I’d pick Danse every time and sleep soundly without the company of shitty bootlicking dieselpunk LARPers- but I digress.)

Anyway, you know what would have REALLY been a copout? If the game asked you to make a difficult thematic storyline choice, and you solved the problem by just not choosing at all.

You are supposed to feel uncomfortable when Maxson orders you to kill Danse, because the game is telling a story about how it is maybe a bad thing to thoughtlessly follow orders without question. It is asking you to think about what the BoS is, what they are doing, and how they are going to run things, if you choose to let them “win” the Commonwealth. It is pointing out that there is no room for gray in the BoS’ black and white. That a good, loyal man may die because of the way he was made, through no action of his own. That soon, you’ll be killing other people on command. The Railroad. Fleeing Institute synths and scientists. Others, down the line. It all depends on who’s giving the orders. Are you going to follow those orders?

Eesh, that sounds thought-provoking and unpleasant and difficult! Let’s just skip it by killing Maxson and making ourselves the boss. Now we get to tell everybody else what to do!

It’s unknown what powers the Elder ending would have granted the player, or how it would have interacted with the other factions. There is speculation that you’d have been able to ease back on the BoS’ dogmatism, or change some of the later events of the game. For instance, perhaps you could talk the BoS down from attacking the Railroad, sparing popular characters like Glory and Deacon who must die in the normal BoS storyline. Perhaps you could have made the BoS a kinder, gentler faction and directed them to run the way you want them to.

If this was indeed the case, then the Elder ending would not only suck the gravitas out of BB, but torpedo the entire main plot.

If you can get rid of any and all downsides to siding with the BoS, why in the hell would players side with anybody else? With the player given total power, the BoS becomes a perfect faction with no drawbacks, no weaknesses, no tough decisions to be made. Screw slumming it with the Railroad or the Minutemen, let’s take over the BoS. Free power armor and a giant robot! Forget the whole intolerance thing, I hereby proclaim the BoS No Longer Problematic! Now to force all the factions to get along, completely removing all conflict and nuance from the plot!

That’s some real anticlimactic “tell Legate Lanius to go home and then he does it” bullshit right there. King Shit of Fuck Mountain!

Look, it might be nice if there was a perfect path like that to take through the game. It would be cool if our characters could be that powerful and the game was that tailored to our individual choices. On the other hand, “I change all the factions to suit my exact liking” might be a fun idea for a fanfic, but it’s an incredibly boring plot for a video game. “I get to make everything in the world exactly how I want it” is Minecraft, not a story-driven RPG with a complex and intricate plot.

It would be great if complex conflicts could really be solved that easily and effortlessly, but hey, you know what? War never changes.

3. The Assassination of Arthur Maxson (Literal)

Arthur Maxson’s death is too significant and fundamentally disastrous for the Elder ending to make any sense at all.

Hero, villain, leader, monster, tortured soul, brutal dictator, immature twerp, bearded sex hunk. However you personally interpret Arthur Maxson, there is no denying that he is a venerated, popular, beloved figure in the BoS. He is the blood heir of the organization’s founder, a powerful warrior, a brilliant tactician, and a charismatic negotiator. He is responsible for reuniting the East Coast BoS with the Outcasts, leading the new, stronger BoS with a sense of shared purpose. There is a damn good reason his name is Arthur and he named his ship The Prydwen, echoes of King Arthur and the legends of his glorious kingdom of Camelot. Arthur Maxson is so beloved that many view him as a demigod, a messiah sent to lead the BoS into a mighty and prosperous future.

So I’m sure nobody’s going to be upset when some wasteland jackass recruited a month ago stumbles in with a synth, kills him, and takes over his job. Right?

It doesn’t matter that it’s “honorable.” It doesn’t matter that it’s done “by the book” via obscure BoS rules. There is no codex or litany or rule so binding that it’s going to overcome the cult of personality around Maxson. There is no way that the BoS is going to accept the death of Arthur Maxson, a man whose reverence borders on worship, especially not when he is immediately replaced by a wastelander, or a synth.

The death of Arthur Maxson removes the unifying glue that’s been holding the BoS together since mending the rift with the Outcasts. Maxson’s death eliminates the one person that both sides of that conflict agreed could steer the organization in the right direction. Some level heads may try to keep the focus on the mission and the Brotherhood tenets, but Maxson loyalists will never forgive the new Elder for his death, and that amount of passionate righteous anger will not be quelled by appeals to the rules. The new Elder’s war on the Institute is basically over before it begins, when the forces splinter and start infighting over the change in leadership.

And this is if the new Elder lives long enough to actually give any orders. I give them around 24 hours after the duel before some angry Maxson loyalist “accidentally” pulls the trigger and “tragically” empties a clip into their back.

24 seconds, if it’s Elder Danse, the dirty synth abomination.

4. The Assassination of Arthur Maxson (Figurative)

The Elder ending of BB falsely pretends that Arthur Maxson is the biggest and only problem with the BoS.

In the Elder ending, as written, the conflict of BB is considered completely and totally solved by the death of Arthur Maxson. The core problem, that Danse is a synth and considered an enemy by the BoS, has not gone away. But by getting rid of Maxson, this apparently no longer matters. Nobody else is going to take offense to Danse’s nature or protest his presence. Nobody else is going to attack him or try to follow through with Maxson’s prior orders. Nope, that meanybutt guy who gave the order is gone, and everybody else is going to welcome Danse back into the fold like nothing ever happened.

I touched on this a little bit on an ask about Maxson a few weeks back, but a lot of people seem to believe that the FO4 Brotherhood of Steel is the way they are purely because of him. That he is the one making them treat non-humans as second class citizens at best, and enemies to be slaughtered at worst. That it’s his fault the BoS is so vehemently against synths and the Institute. That he is the one influencing their imperialistic tendencies, and treating the Commonwealth like territory to be conquered and people to be ruled over by their betters.

He’s not. That’s the Brotherhood of Steel, guys.

The charitable, altruistic, virtuous BoS that many of us met for the first time in FO3 were outliers. Lyons’ group was literally disowned by the rest of the faction because their kindness to wastelanders had gone so far astray from the “core” tenets. The BoS as a whole has always been exclusive, isolated, and seen themselves as “superior” to the average wastelander. They have long disliked or outright hated non-humans (and even Lyons’ BoS in FO3 use ghouls, feral or not, for “target practice” if they get too close!) The rigid dogmatism of the BoS is not something that Arthur Maxson started, but has always been part of their fabric.

Now, it’s true that Maxson is absolutely going hard on the BoS tenets, and extremely dedicated to upholding them. His BoS are the way they are and act the way they act because he believes that this is the way it should be. Is it possible that a different leader may be a little more flexible? Absolutely. Could a skilled Elder eventually show them the benefits of a softer approach and a more generous worldview? Totally. Is getting rid of Maxson and replacing him going to make that happen overnight, or going to make the rest of the BoS who supported him shrug and follow suit?

Nope.

Blaming Arthur Maxson for everything unsavory about the Brotherhood is unfair to him and also foolishly ignoring the deep, massive problems that are far older than he is-- problems that plenty of its members wholeheartedly believe are not problems at all. Getting rid of Maxson does not make the BoS kinder or gentler. Even pretending Maxson isn’t as personally beloved as he is, any new Elder who steps in and starts trying to fundamentally alter the way the BoS operates and what they believe in is going to face some major, immediate pushback.

Like, a full clip of bullets in the back type of pushback.

In the face if it’s Elder Danse, the godless freak of nature.

5. The Un-Redemption of Paladin Danse

Last, and my personal least favorite!

At first glance, Paladin Danse is a steely jackboot, a die-hard Brotherhood loyalist who fully and firmly believes in their cause. Many immediately dismiss him as a humorless brute, or completely ignore him because they think that’s all there is. But if you spend any time with Danse at all, you’ll notice a sort of weariness in him. He is tired, overworked, and his years of service are starting to weigh on him. He has watched friends, comrades, and mentors die in horrible and gruesome ways, and he suffers from PTSD. Though he has always been told that his own sacrifices, the sacrifices of his brothers and sisters have been” worth it,” he’s starting to question if that’s true.

After telling of the incident where he personally executed his best friend Cutler, who’d been turned into a super mutant, the Sole Survivor is able to console him:

Player Default: You did the right thing. Danse: {Somber} It's what I was taught. I don't know if it was right.

This line is an excellent summary of Danse’s entire character arc. He learns to question whether to believe what the Brotherhood has taught him, or to believe in himself. His gut feelings. His sense of justice and his own ideas of what’s right and wrong.

(In the interest of not turning this into an essay about Danse’s character, I won’t even get into how this also applies to his beliefs about his worth as a person. But keep in mind, that dimension is there, Danse just covers it up by making everything about the Brotherhood.)

During Blind Betrayal, after getting the orders to execute him and hearing Haylen’s plea for mercy, we may expect Danse to be ready to fight back or flee. But when you confront him in the bunker at Listening Post Bravo, he’s compliant and suicidal. Danse is so deeply poisoned by the BoS’ rhetoric that his own feelings or will to live don’t factor into the conversation. He demands that you follow your orders and execute him, because he believes, as the BoS does, that all synths are dangerous and must be destroyed.

Danse: {Stern} Synths can't be trusted. Machines were never meant to make their own decisions, they need to be controlled. Technology that's run amok is what brought the entire world to its knees and humanity to the brink of extinction.

{Confident} I need to be the example, not the exception.

Through various dialogue options, if your charisma is high enough, you are able to talk Danse off the ledge. He is able to consider, at least, that the BoS’ merciless judgment of him is wrong and that what he was taught isn’t right. He is a thinking, feeling, self-aware synth, and that makes him as much a person as any human. Danse is no danger to humanity-- and maybe, most synths aren’t either.

Danse is an example, not an exception.

Later on, if you manage to get him out of BB alive, Danse shows further acceptance of his nature. His approvals about synths begin to soften slightly (or many of them do, at least… it’s not perfect.) He is still struggling with his identity and reconciling it with his former hatred, but his dialogue suggests that he’s on the road to being more open-minded and understanding. Along with this, Danse learns that he has value as a person beyond the Brotherhood. He no longer needs to define himself with BoS beliefs or judge himself by how useful he is to them. He learns that he is worth caring about, worth being friends with or being loved because of who he is-- not what he is, in any regard.

[SIDENOTE: Many players, myself included, are frustrated that Danse’s arc leaves off sort of midstream there. Due to the open-ended nature of the game, we don’t get a real conclusion to his arc-- even though much of his idle dialogue doesn’t change and he still espouses pro-BoS sentiments ( an unfortunate by-product of writing for a video game) there is every indication that he’s started down the right path, but understandably has a ways to go.

Also, Peter Jessop agrees with us.]

Meanwhile, in the Elder ending, Danse doesn’t get a redemption. His entire character arc, actually, hits the skids and does a total 180.

He never leaves the BoS. So scratch the need for Danse to ever think about himself as separate from them. He never needs to question what they’ve taught him or whether they’re right or wrong. He never needs to find any worth in himself beyond his use to the BoS. Why would he? He might be the Elder. The BoS is all he needs to care about anymore. The BoS is all he ever needs to be, ever again.

And I think, most horrifying of all, this Danse never needs to change his mind about synths. On the contrary, one of the surviving dialogue files includes Danse’s speech to reassure the rest of the BoS of his stance:

Danse: I want to make one thing clear to everyone. This body might be synth, but my heart and mind belong to the Brotherhood. The Institute is still a tremendous threat to the Commonwealth. They possess technologies that need to be confiscated or destroyed. And even if that means I have to pull the trigger on my own kind, I’m willing to make that sacrifice.

Elder ending Danse doesn’t grow more understanding on the nature of synths. He doesn’t accept that synths are people, or anything more than technology run amok. He won’t even accept that for himself. Elder Maxson wasn’t wrong about synths-- they’re the enemy and they need to be destroyed.

But, see, he was wrong about Danse. It’s okay for Danse to exist in spite of his nature. It’s okay for him to never fully accept his own personhood, and to outright deny it to his kind. Because his body is a machine, but he’s different from the rest because his heart and mind belong to the Brotherhood.

He’s the exception, not the example.

CONCLUSION:

The Elder ending of Blind Betrayal is dumb, contrived, stakeless, character-derailing powergaming crap at its finest and I’ll happily dance on its grave.

People give Bethesda a lot a shit for their writing-- whether it be stuff they left out, stuff they left in, or stuff that they never, ever could have made work due to the limitations of writing for a video game. Plenty of it is well-deserved, or at least worth a discussion. But from the minute I found out about its existence, I have always wanted to extend a congratulations to Bethesda for cutting the alternate Elder ending of Blind Betrayal. It was a good choice. A very good choice to cut a very dumb plot that would have fundamentally altered the story they were telling, and characters that I’ve grown to love. I think the writers deserve some credit and a hearty handshake for the wisdom of this decision.

Now as for why Nick Valentine isn’t romanceable--