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szif · 9 months

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i Just finished disco elysium here's my thoughts on it

[first words as the credits roll]

this was worth the 11+ hours of gametime in a row of a "itll take 3 more hours to wrap it up, i'll quickly go through it!" and here's me, nearing 6 am, about to go to sleep. haha. like holy shit just finished the game. i feel like i have played this before and i have the memories full crystal clear but the ending just feels relatable because it feels like a recollection of everything people throw at you its like... a "confession scene" like how most storygames also have them, where you have to recount all your actions and your environment decides on your fate. im just real glad i took the time to actually finish it

[actual spoilery part]

having to go with cuno is the biggest punishment in the entire game and i remember it being like that (do not ask where these memories are from. i looked it up and i apparently have, in fact, played this game before, a ... year ago? and yet i didnt notice it when i was playing it?) and just the abscence of kim hit me so hard i decided on just loading a save for it.

kim was the best fucking character ever like he was so like, cool and i wanted him to just say literally anything. kept trying to talk to him just to see if he would have a little convo with me like he was just lovely. all his reactions and how the relationship develops between our guy and him? it was amazing he really was a huge boost to my fun!!!! and i feel like all the dialogue and the setting itself was just. a huge part of it. like they knew what they were doing and kim is the biggest example of it.

for like . im sorry i am so tired icant make all these symbols you know what okay i will but it physically pains me. all these [vague gestures] stuff i actually felt like i could somewhat understand the game and what i need to do and i didnt actually feel like, über confused or felt like the game is impossible. i just did my own thing and also set out to my own adventures to have fun. i literally had fun throughout the entire game and loved every second of it until i accidentally got kim fucking shot and got locked with cuno. like that was fucking horrible. but it really surprised me like i felt like it would be stressful or i would break down crying about it at least once or twice but no. it was great.

im really just like. amazed by the game honestly. like yay videogames are actually fun. and thank you to whichever tumblr user uploaded it in a hurry then took it down for their safety again because i feel like thats how i have a copy of it? so thank you, whoever that stranger might be, because i feel like i gained some nice fun from it and i probably wouldnt have gotten the game otherwise out of my volition besides having it conveniently placed in front of me. thank you, but really!!!

oh yeah, im im sorry my brain is a bit scrambled but honestly i was super into the fact that i found that stickbug thing and didnt have to leave each other behind. i dont know if it played out once for me or not but i went with my guy kim and left our guy in there. it has been great i really liked that outcome. but thats not what i want to say actually the thing i want to say would be something like "i feel so deeply uncomfortable and theres something spiralling and warping in me, a part of myself that doesnt sit right with the fact that the ending was about some pretty much homeless guy who through a political assassination got his opposing enemy soldier when all of the stuff was unwrapping inside the town." a bunch of troubled people walling your cop ass out from them because you're trouble and they all carry their baggage and everything is more complex as they seem but the law and justice is blind almost even when we're seemingly corrupt because we are fulfilling our jobs as like, police officers and so thats how it really ends for us? for him? i feel like i need to sit down and yes i have heard this ending and his entire talk before and it made me slightly uncomfortable listening to it but i havent really paid attention to any of it i was just clearly aware that like being so lustful about a clean win is. so disgusting. but i also feel like after coming back(?)(did it exist?) to it i still havent really gotten to know how i should feel OR like if i even got any of the thing that was being said or implied. like i dont know i feel like i just have nothing going on with me that could be making me understand any of it even when the feeling is there. but ill just get a clear head and look what happened in there later like i usually am awake hours before . and im over here trying to conceptualize all my troubles in the world. it really didnt sit right with me i just got nausea from just like how unfolding everything was only to leave the most bitter fucking like. well . "Nothing" for us. after all that we've experienced?

man it was just real fun and ill probably think about it for a while and try to pick out some real fun parts of it ...

#dcmnt #<- ill pick a tag later to save all my 'i just finished [x]...' stuff... this is temporary!#disco elysium

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eduardo-andale-lets-go · 4 years

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favourite reddie head canon?

oh MY god is iT REALLY-- my first reddie ask??????? holy shit i love you thank you-- ok i will stop grovelling and start answering

So im gonna start with the observation that Richie and Eddie have so many facets in their personality that is explored by the fandom depending on the AU/Timeline, which makes it so much fun cause each AU means a different approach to the same characters that we all know. I’m also not very picky on whether its realistic or not as long as I enjoy it.

One of my favorites is the Jock!Eddie Nerd!Richie fics, cause it highlights Richie’s softness. It’s usually Richie POV too! So i love him pining, grappling with both his sexuality and his social standing. But I also love the tension that this all causes, and some sexy hallway makeout scenes-- thats always good.

Another thing I’m soft for is, admittedly, rockstar/celebrity aus. I know, I know, all the culture around celebrity worshipping yada yada yada, but the celeb aus are really well written! I enjoy the fantasy while also being taught again and again how unhealthy or how not good it always is.

I’ve mostly read Singer/Celeb/Famous!Richie fics where Eddie does nor give a damn, but I also read one really good smau where Eddie is an indie singer and Richie is the fan. IDK i just love imagining myself in the fan’s place WHILE thinking that its Eddie or Richie. (Plus it doesnt help that I have a crush on both Finn and Bill-- anD im 11 mos older than finn so i hope thats acceptable to yall huhuh but ive been trying to not engage in the finn-fandom cause itll just be a headache for me in the end)

WAIT I JUST REALIZED YOU SAID HEADCANONS-- but like aus are similar to headcanons in that aus are basically built mostly on headcanons? ok fuck

so, headcanons

(that exist in the fandom space!)

I LOVE RICHIE BEING INSECURE ABOUT HIS BODY AND EDDIE BODY WORSHIPPING HIM DURING CUDDLY OR HOT TIMES, like, my belly, too, is wiggly, and if eddie loves richies wiggly body, why, i too, must love my wiggly belly

I also adore tattoed eddie hcs because of a rebellious phase against sonia, and when richie realizes this, he, like, cackles and adores it

idk if this is in the book, but its in almost every fic set in their younger years but yes yes yes i loveeee “Richie goes to Eddie’s bedroom by climbing his window” and the “they sleep in the same bed because NIGHTMARES and they end up cuddling” its a cliche classic and i love it to the bits

I ALSO lOVE the hc of eddie taking richie’s glasses of to clean it with the cloth he keeps specifically for richie and the one where richie has a spare inhaler for eddie- like holy shit how can you be 14 and act like a married couple goddamn

ALSO ALSO ALSO DANCER EDDIE-- like Eddie just knowing how to MOVE IT. And this is usually in the high school fics or fics where they’re 17-26 or something, where they go to a high school party or meet at a bar and richie is jUST-- whoa, goddamn, eds, lemme put my big ass hands on your waist as I become increasingly enraptured by your dancing, and also, lemme put my big ass hand on your bigass--

and this is about to get nsfw but like, i am also guilty of loving the Richie is sexually active as a teen and introduces eddie to pleasurable sex-- AS I ALSO enjoy the Richie and Eddie both have never had good sex due to repression and they figure it out together. IDK ITS JUST-- BOTH SO VERY GOOD!

Additionally, I have a few headcanons of mine that I would like to share:

for a few months after theyve gotten together, richie and eddie keep their relationship a secret and eddie is VERY sweet to richie, like just, pure fucking chocolate candy rainbow unicorn diabetes kinda sweet, but when theyre with the losers, eddie is feral and argumentative or he tries to be like before. and when the losers find them out richie explains, “well, i wanted to tell you all but eddie said he enjoyed our sexual tension--” before shut him up for good

also for my actors au that i simply do not know if i will still write it:

richie is a popular singer turned actor, and they share this house while shooting in the middle of nowhere and they all share one bathroom, and so thats how eddie finds out that Richie LOVES singing disney songs, and especially pooh songs in the shower. His comfort song is actually the pogo remix that basically puts music in the dialogue “dum de dum de dum dum dum de dum de dum dum when im with you im with you” that kinda thing and Eddie fucking TEASES him so much and he even shares this on the interviews and richie is like “eddie dont ruin my bad boy rep!!!” and eddie is all “oh richie you ruined that yourself when you started wearing those godawful hawiian shirts with inhalers on it” and richies like “hey the fans gave it to me!” “yeah and i like it” and eddie has the gall to question WHY everyone thinks they’re dating!

and the last one (im so sorry this is prolly not what you asked for i need more people to talk to me Q^Q):

the losers on a sleepover sleeping on the bedroom floor, and stan is like scared of the dark right so he sleeps beside the wall but thats not enough so he curls into a ball and he needs to touch someone else and its usually richie (richies noise as he sleeps calms him down because if theres a noise atleast he knows its richie yaknow) so he curls around himself, ass out and like just seeking richie’s back and eddie sleeps to the other side of richie, but when eddie sees this, he would wait for stan to fall alseep before he scoots between stan and richie so hes sandwhiched between stan and richie, and eddie gets to cuddle richie that way

okay thank you good night this might be the last ask i get but thanks for the opportunity!

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it chapter 1 #it chapter 2 #headcanons #my hcs #actors au #nerd richie #jock eddie #famous richie #singer richie #window climbing #first ask woop

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kiwi · 5 years

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Hi I love your art!! I was just wondering how old you were when you started posting online? I'm almost 16 and I still haven't started posting my art online. I feel like my art is "good enough" to start posting it online but at the same time I'm always constantly working to get better so I don't want to regret starting an account too early in my artistic development. Sorry for rambling but do you have any advice for starting to post onlinr? Social media is nervewracking and I dont want to mess up

hi, thanks anon!

i was 11 when i joined deviantart and hooooooo ooooooOOOOOO BOY im glad i deleted that mess. it wasnt because of the art at all though, i actually made a lot of friends that way and even though there was the odd meanie, every like and comment really encouraged me to keep going! the only reason i dont recommend doing it that young is because i was baby and didnt kno how to act online. if you say dumb stuff on the internet as a tiny bastard it can come back to bite you in the ass

but by all means, if you know how to conduct yourself in a reasonable way online, please post your art! there is absolutely no milestone you should reach before it’s acceptable to post your work. you should post just for the joy of it! if sharing your work doesnt bring you happiness, keep it private for your own enjoyment, but personally sharing my work has been very encouraging for me to keep going

i was 14 when i started posting art on tumblr, and 15 or 16 when i started making youtube videos. and i really did love it! i didnt do it for money at that point, i just did it because it made me happy to network and grow a channel based on something that i made all by myself. do i like every piece that i made back then? hell fuckin no! did i make some real ugly art a bunch of times? hell fuckin yea! but do i feel that sharing my art has stunted my growth? absolutely not. it’s done the opposite! just because you start posting doesn’t mean you’ve “made it” and youre done improving. you can change and learn so much by opening up to your peers online!

as far as advice for posting online goes... (under a readmore to save space and in case i wanna add something later)

1. as i said before.... dont be a little jerk lol. ive learned over the years to treat my online art accounts in a professional way. just share your art and try not to get into shit with strangers for no reason

2. similarly, dont feel the need to respond to bad comments. try to learn the difference between a helpful critique and a troll! and trust me, you will get plenty of both. also, just because youre sharing your work doesnt necessarily mean you have to acknowledge and follow every piece of criticism you receive, sometimes you just want to share art for the fun of it and thats fine! learn to delete comments and move on

3. utilize tags! tag the most popular things associated with your art first. tumblr only tracks the first five tags, so make sure to tag the fandom it’s associated with before adding your in-tag commentary if you have any. go wild with tags on other sites though honestly it cant hurt. on youtube i put like 50 tags on every video that even vaguely have to do with the vid’s subject matter, just to increase the chance that itll show up in more peoples searches

4. if social media is nervewracking to you, just start posting on the site you’re most comfortable with first. maybe just start sharing with your friends and family before you reach out to bigger communities. eventually, you can start posting on multiple sites to maximize the amount of views you get

5. just have fun! drawing fanart is a great way to both get exposure, and find people who like the same things you do. fanart is an awesome part of online communities and everyone enjoys a brand new piece of their favorite show, game, or character! if posting isn’t fun for you, don’t stress yourself out with it.

good luck!

#advice #but yeah i cannot stress this enough #before you respond to things just think to yourself #will this bite me in the ass?#will this make me look bad later on?#being online is just a lot of navigating how to present yourself and communicate #Anonymous

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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

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11:34pm.

Bitch what the actual fuck.

Tuesday, April 14th of 2020.

Agh. For fucks sake, I wasn't ending our entire friendship, just trying to say that I needed time for things to blow off before fully being chill yet again.

Since it's kinda hard to go from "fuck yeah Tamia lets go half and half on one of those cool continential vibrators", (its dope as fuck, i cant wait till it comes, then i cant wait till i come, ha-haaaaaaa, yes,) to yknow, not being flirty or sexual anymore like two days later.

It's not like I'm mad at him. That's not remotely the truth.

I guess, all the factors are:

Mild romantic affection that has potential to go overboard. I get too attached super ea

He doesn't want a relationship, or feel stable enough for one. That's fine, I wouldn't pressure him into one. I'm not even in the mood to slightly nudge them into the idea. A person needs to heal first before they get involved with someone. Just like how I don't want to project my past onto him, or whatever, I wouldn't want that the other way around either.

Long distance - I mean.... I'm personally okay with long distance. Modern technology makes it easier, from Discord, to online gaming, screenshare technology, sexting, AAAAAAND THE AMAZING INVENTIONS OF VIBRATORS THAT CONNECT TO THE WI-FI, TO MAKE A GIRL CUM EVEN FROM OVERSEAAAAAAS. And I'm pretty much a Yes Girl when it comes to most things, so oh, pen pal? Dope. Sending gifts in my mail? My speed, I've done it before and absolutely loved it. Straight up visiting? Sure, what's gonna stop me from getting dick and affection from someone I adore? Not shit, thats what. But, he's understandably not into it. Not everyone has good experiences, I get it.... And, well, I may be the one to fly overseas for the chance to make out with a chubby cheeked cute motherfucker with a big schlong and a nice accent, buuuuuuut I'm not very good at....

Platonic dynamics with people I used to fuck with sexually or romantically. Hell, why do you think me and my ex ended up fucking in February as "friends"? Or the ex before him, where I told him we should just stay friends, and oh look, we sure had some very friendly fuck sessions in his bed every possible moment. Even Marco, a complete cunt who I still despise to this day, "we are friends right?"-ed his way into some pussy, on several occasions. And the ones that I didn't start seeing again, still wanted it. (Like Adrian, who I didn't believe wanted to be just friends from the start... He almost convinced me that night we had hung out eating skittles late at night, but overall he was just hoping to 'idk im just up suuuuuper late lol how r u what porn do u like haha im just wondering' his way into cheating on his freaking girlfriend.) Even goddamned Matty tried, and he LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER BITCH, so long story short, I've grown to not be as trusting of male/female close friendships....... Even when I tried to get over my fear with my last relationship by meeting that one stank hoe, she refused, then got cursed out.... Imma take a shot of wine and move on from this topic really soon.

So if it were platonic, either I'd be kinda salty over that, or staying for the wrong reasons, versus we would just end up sexting anyway. (Kinda a shame that we both reached the conclusion of "sex is a bad idea, itll get us emotionally attached when neither is fully ready to try committing" just two days after deciding to adopt a vibrator together.)

Plus I'm not a fan of jealousy. I've had minor moments, and some big ones. (Mostly minor ones, like going a bit too quiet when my ex Patrick #1 straight up bearhugged from random chick he knew years before without introducing me, or my most recent ex and that time he talked about a girl at work he saw with a "J-Lo sized booty", (hes such an idiot for thinking I would want to hear that,) or how he gave some random girl a ride home from work.... Aside from the butt incident, I rarely act out when jealous, I just like, get super curious and may mentally detach from someone if not confirmed that my thoughts are not real.)

All in all, sure, the other night I was all gungho about not talking. Buuut frankly, then once it was like almost 4pm and I was worried he wouldn't respond to my message, he did, and we had clicked to normal.

I guess its just a risky transition that may be too soon to ask for as a normal route, you know? If he wants to be friends without sex or flirting, then yeah, but like, id probably still need some time to distance......

Or like, realistically, kinda hard to go from "random flirt friend", to "cool he showed me his dick entirely unprovoked, what the hell..... but it's nice", to talking every day from the moment I wake up to when I pass out with bits of flirting or sexting, to.... the friendship wthout the flirting and sexting there.

Kinda unexpected.... and also pretty upsetting, for many reasons.

Sucks to get a crush on a dude, and kinda spend a fat wad of cash specifically to nut for them during an online movie night or something, just for them to not want to do that anymore.... Since they'd end up catching feelings for me that way.

Kinda hard not to cry, knowing a dude is openly gonna avoid doing something because he knows it would make him like you?

That's a lot to unpack there........

I just don't think I can make that transition without a bit of friction. It just seems like my fears are coming true, and I'm gonna be the friend on standby that won't actually get cuffed, but can be around, as the person she likes proudly gushes to her about the new local girl in his own town that he decided he adores.

Especially when its like, "That could've been me yknow".... Just, no one wants to see someone else in the situation they would want for themselves. Like if a kid on Christmas got promised a bike, settled for a hula hoop, but saw their own parents give their cousin a bike instead, or something. (I can't tell if that metaphor makes sense without sounding like I'm an entitled asshole who's mad about the fictional "friendzone", but its midnight, hoe, nothing makes sense at midnight.)

I guess if I'm already tense enough at seeing his pervy flirt tweets when we aren't even a thing like that, I can't imagine how salty I may be, if it ended up being like "Yoooo Tamia how are you? I just met this fine ass girl, she's got the wagon AND the horses, shes so sweet and funny and i genuinely really adore her!"

That already happened once and resulted in a block, an apology, and a mildly unnecessary "but if not for distance, i would totally love to see what is possibly there between us"....

Which, sure, gave me a nice self esteem boost, but ironically did not deny nor confirm that he would like me enough to ever consider something like that.

All he did tonight was repeat what he said the few days before. Not having the cahones to go "I'm never going to date you", or full on saying "dating will not be something I'd try with you."

And I almost was okay with that. Screw it, I can still use my vibrator and chat with my friend.

But...... its....

Idk.

Hard to write right now..... I'm very emotional rn.

Maybe our friendship is one sided and thats why im hesitant? Or is it the way they didnt tell me for so long that sexting was a bad idea, or about his fear of catching feelings for me and being depressed about not seeing me if we dated long distance?

Fucks sake.

And, I stubbed my toe, so its an extra not cool mood tonight......

Long story short, if not for distance, god knows that I'd swallow his kids and have his family in my lower intestine, or that I'd let him fuck me so hard that whatever surface, whether cement or steel, would demolish underneath us, since hes fucking hot.

(I think quarantine makes me a lot more creative sexually, lmfao.)

And I guess its embarrassing, being the one out here blushing at the idea of somebody, or slightly crushing on them, and it not being reciprocated. (And if reciprocated, then willfully and purposefully not acted on, since dating me is perceived as a burden without even trying.... Even if not the truth, well, its the image that would stick in my mind...)

And yeah, no girl wants to be the "i hope I can visit him someday" to a man's "i cant date her and we realistically wouldn't work out" sorta thing, you know?

......

Plus, the girl I was worried about just dumped her boyfriend. Kinda betting he's gonna take that opportunity, which furthers my point about how i hate jealousy, and yes, I don't want to even think about him deciding I was better for venting or conversation, but willfully sexting someone else.....

Gosh.

I'm just.... very stressed, and he stopped answering and replying to my messages.

It's genuinely upsetting me to the point of tears. I feel like a bad person? But I know I didn't do anything wrong. If anything, I wanted to do what I felt would work best for us, just like him. Since I can't just dive out of feelings for someone instantly, a girl needs space yknow?

So whoohoo, no sexual validation or friendly flirting. Not sure if thats what i wanted the night before or not, but.... i dont know what i want or feel whatsoever, at this point.

Ugh.

And he kinda made me feel bad about it. "i do view somebody who i feel comfortable being a friend with without anything else. and i understand if you can’t see that and that’s not what u signed up for".

I don't want to give the "if i cant have u as a sex object then fuck friendship entirely with you" vibe, i wanted to give the "nigga i literally was crushing on you so hard that i stayed up till 2am trying to find that one nut video you sent me, since nothing else makes me aroused, and im clearly highly infatuated with you to an almost creepy extent and i need to distance myself so i do not sabotage the friendship, that i do love, but it was inherently sexual from the jump and gave me the vibe that you liked me back to bother sticking around, and now im shocked and sad and hurt, but just need to find a healthy balance of supporting your life, while still having one of my own, to avoid escalating things in a way you wouldn't be comfortable with", vibe.

.....

I hope my vibrators come soon. I kinda cried a lot on my body pillow, and it was a rough night due to a failed hair wash and the way he dipped out of conversation so bluntly without allowing me to explain that i wasnt ending oue friendship entirely.....

Damn.

12:36am. Gonna let some more tears out and probably go masturbate, or watch Diesel Patches or some shit. Peace out.

#peace yalls #rowan #dammit #:/

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gothic-chicanery · 6 years

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The Diary of Dr. Elena Rosewood

Horror one off story. I’m putting it under a cut

TW for blood, death, and disease

12/14/37

Sent to quarantine, and am currently kicking myself. I tested positive for the disease and the police didn’t listen to my explanations. Now I am without my lab and test instruments, and the data gathered will be strictly qualitative. Damnit.

Of course, this may be a blessing in disguise, as the effects of the vaccine will be able to be seen firsthand, and I’ll have to worry less about my own credibility. Though as a medical doctor who has spent years studying this disease, credibility was never too much of a worry.

I just hope someone takes care of my cats.

No symptoms so far, though that is expected. The incubation period is usually about a week, but this may be altered by the fact that this is a weaker strain that will be easy for my body to fight off. Maybe I will not have any symptoms at all. One can only hope I suppose.

12/16/37

A man leaned into me while I took my daily exercise yesterday, so close that his nose almost touched mine. Dark red sclera showed he was in the later stages of the disease. “We all have it in here,” he growled. “We are all infected.” His breath smelled awful, a mix of metallic and rot, as if someone had shot a deer in a penny factory.

“Yes,” I said slowly. “That is essentially the point of a quarantine.”

I’ve decided to keep mostly to myself from now on.

This story has very little to do with the scientific side of my work, but it is an anecdote that I think would provide quite the cinematic moment when there is a biopic made about me. I mean, the person who discovered a vaccine against the blood plague (though I always hated the sensational nature of that name) will surely get some sort of film recognition.

When I get out, of course, I’ll remove this section. But I believe it is best to be honest to yourself. The rest of the world can get the cool, collected scientist.

Asymptomatic probably still. I thought my sclera looked a little redder, but that may be more easily attributed to confirmation bias or the quality of the mirrors here. It’s a wonder I can see my reflection at all through the graffiti. Wishing I was home. Accurate testing equipment wherefore art thou? My ex, I’m sure, would correct me. Wherefore apparently means why even though it has a where in it. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you never should date English majors. And they say scientists have sticks up their ass.

12/20/37

Definite redness now. I guess it was too much of a long shot that I wouldn’t end up with anything happening. I can’t decide which looks better, a miraculous recovery, or to never get sick at all. I think this. Looks like I’ve suffered more.

Though of course, this isn’t about me. It’s about all the people that I will be keeping safe from the disease.

12/25/37

Well. Merry Christmas to me. I’m Rudolph the Red-Eyed Fucking Reindeer. Disease taking hold. I think it’ll get worse before it gets better, damn it. It’ll definitely get better though. I’m confident in my own intelligence, if nothing else. I had hoped to be out of here before Christmas, but I guess that’s too much to ask for.

I’ve started tasting blood. Every meal seems tainted metallic, though that might actually improve the shit they have us eating. It’s all frozen and half rotten, bottom of the barrel kind of stuff. I guess that makes sense, why waste the good food on those of us that are going to die anyway? I mean, I won’t. But for the rest of them, why bother. There is no cure for the blood plague. Even I’ve only managed to come up with a vaccine.

1/3/38

I lost my journal. No, more accurately, it was stolen by the motherfucker from before. More accurately, he stole it, bled on the pages, and then threw it outside the fence. I have no clue why. He’s bad, blood streaming from his eyes and lips. I could barely make out what he was trying to say, every time he tried to speak, blood dribbled out. Not that I cared what he had to say. I’d imagine he only had days left.

My own condition isn’t getting better, though it hasn’t gotten noticeably worse. Small amounts of blood in my mouth, my spit has been slightly tinged pink for the last few days. I calculated the turnaround though. It should be any day now. Any day…

I debated whether or not to write down how I’m writing this, as my journal is no longer here, and decided why not. It’s blood on my wall. I know what you’re thinking, that i’ve likely gone insane, that the blood plague is taking hold. It’s not, I can promise you that. When you look at it, it’s perfect logical.

My top priority is information. I have to record these events so that the process of my vaccine can be documented and studied. As a scientist, I know the most essential thing is data. I need to be able to provide that. I’ve just been forced to use alternative methods.

He would’ve died anyway. There is no cure for the blood plague, and he barely had days left. Something that saves lives is more important than the death of one man, I know it seems macabre but he would’ve died in days. Is it really even a murder when you’re both on death row?

He is.

Was.

I’m not. I’m going to live.

It wasn’t hard, really, to kill him. He wasn’t strong, and it was quite easy to split his head open. The blood just mingled with what was already on the floor and walls, have I mentioned this place has gotten disgusting with all the blood. Dragged him to my room, dipped my finger in, and began writing.

I don’t want this to sound horrific. It’s not. I distanced myself from things, made the matter merely academic. When dissecting something, you don’t contemplate the pathos, you just analyze. That is merely what I’m doing. He would’ve died soon anyway.

1/11/38

The body stinks to high heaven and I can barely get enough blood to write with without a few maggots or flies crawling over my fingers. I need to remain objective but they are truly disgusting.

Blessing in disguise, perhaps, my own eyes have begun dripping. My mouth too, though that’s diluted. I can keep writing. I will document this. I will wait for my body to fight off the vaccine, for immunity to kick in. I will be the one to figure it out I will be known I will be a savior

Just a little longer

#horror #writeblr #my writing

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crystalmaezing · 6 years

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My wavemate, My crush pt. 1

“It started on our first day of work”

I’ve always been a hopeless romantic ever since i had a crush back in my elementary days. Whenever i have a crush, i am always trying hard to let them know that i have a crush on them by looking at them always. I am swinging both ways, i tend to like boys and lesbians or bisexual girls (my mom do know that i had a crush on lesbians back then).

So going back to the present, I was hired in this company where my college friends are working, they told me to go there because i just resigned on my previous company which is a BPO as well. During our first day of work, i had my eyes on this someone which until now i still have a crush. She’s a lesbian.

At first i was actually a bit hesitant because it might be just a crush at first sight but the feelings went deeper than i expected. I was planning to forget about here until one day (December 16 to be exact), she actually pmed me on messenger saying that she wants to talk to me via call which is absurd. We never talked in person since i am awkward at her, just her in our wave.

At first, i actually told her that i don’t have any earphone working so i cant talk to her via call, just so you know, i hate talking on phone not using earphones, it sucks. But she keep on insisting that it’ll just take a few minutes. So i decided to allow her even if i don’t have earphones with me.

During the first topic of our call, she asked me where i was staying and such thing. The conversation goes like this (well not all is accurate though because that was like a few weeks ago)

Her: Where do you go home?

Me: *gives the train station that i always drop to*

Her: Where exactly is that, i didn’t know there is such station.

Me: *insists that it exist*

Her: Who are you with right now?

Me: My dad, my mom went to province.

Her: Tell your dad to drink medicine for cough (because she heard my dad coughing on the background)

And it goes on. She kept on asking me who is my crush and i replied to her jokingly “you”. At first she just laugh so i thought that i’ll just tell it to her jokingly even if it’s the truth.Sadly, someone arrives at home that i needed to hang up our call. Our call ended after 14 minutes. That Saturday, the day i decided to forget about her and decided to still have a crush on her right after our call. Even her laugh that night still lingers in my ears.

Monday came, I went to work and saw her. Just like the same old days, we didn’t talked to each other. It was weird because i thought she will talk to me because we sound so close to me that night. I awkwardly talked to her because she is quite close to one of my friend. She told me that she’s very drunk that night and she didn’t remember what we talked about.

That hit me like a lightning.

To me it was very meaningful but to her, it’s just a thing that she did while she’s drunk.

By the way, she have a crush at one of our wavemates, at first i thought it was me though, i’m such a hopeless romantic, i know. Because there are things that made me point at my fingers.

First, when i was busy writing the late on our wavemates. I heard her saying that her crush is busy, it turned out that i am busy and her real crush is busy talking to someone on phone. Another thing is when we’re on our way to the terminal, my friend asked her who her crush is and she said “I’m not gonna tell, she might be here”. Third one is i’m the only one she doesn’t talk much with. I know, i expected so much, i got disappointed big time.

Okay going back....Days passed by, we only talk on messenger like we’re really close but not talking personally in our office. We tend to have deep talks and such.

One time, i told her that my real crush is her because she kept on insisting. She keeps on commenting on my repost about my crush so i decided to tell her.

One time on December 18, we and some of my wavemates are having fun and then she suddenly called me and told me that someone is having a crush on me, i disregarded it.

Since i am used to us talking on messenger, i kept on waiting for her reply and decided to fake that i accidentally clicked the like button and she replied. We even talked about her family and mine. We have a lot of things that we talked about.

There was one time that she told me that she’s living alone and her mom lives at the province, i pitied her so i decided to cook something and bring more for her. I even jokingly told her that i’ll put some love potions on it and she said “Sure”. I gave her the food because she is eating with her crush. After that day, i bring more food so i can share with her. We ate together that day because her crush isn’t there.

I even saw her posting on myday a photo of her and her crush (now the girlfriend) and with a heart. Same with her girlfriend she posted one, it made me jealous one time big time.

December 23, i decided to get my hair done and i changed the color into red, i decided to do it to move on from her.

December 24, we have a morning shift so we wont have a hard time going home for Christmas even. I came inside our room with my earphones on, i am so awkward because i really told her that i have a crush on her. The sound of my earphone is really loud so i cant hear any of them inside the room, but i know she, her crush and her crush’ friend is there at the back of our room. When the song i am listening to ended, i heard her crush’ friend saying “There’s someone who have a crush on you in our wave right?” the moment i heard that, i knew that she told them that i have a crush on her, i felt betrayed.

I just let it flow. Ignoring her, she didn’t even talk to me that much. And i can see that she and her crush is already together because of their clingy-ness and sweetness on each other. It’s unofficial, i just expected it to be like that but i never heard it from anyone. It was actually sad for me but i kept on fighting it. There are times i am not even in the mood to eat.

December 24, Christmas eve, i was singing with my brothers and decided to post it on messenger, she just keep on seeing the videos and such but not talking to me. I chatted her to ask if she’s dating with her crush already but i’ve got no answer. 11 pm strikes and i decided to send her a long ass message. She just reacted an emoji with a heart and no response. She response to me in the morning saying she fell asleep already.

December 25th, i’ve got a greetings from her and nothing else. It getting more awkward already but i am still expecting that she will at least talk to me, but no.

During one of our chats, she asked me to have a drink with her and a friend, i said yes but when i sent her that long ass message, it got awkward. She doesn’t talk to me that much so i thought that maybe the invitation would be disregarded already.

Our salary day came, she asked me if i will still go but my friends already decided to eat on a buffet so i told her i cant go. It’s for my own anyway, i don’t wanna bond with her that much because i want my feelings to fade away.

December 29. She left on our gc, i was hella curious so decided to pm her. She told me that she fought and broke up with her girlfriend. I was more than happy but then, not really. She sounds so frustrated because her girlfriend did something that is really absurd. She even told me that they’re dating since December 22. I was in full shock because i even sent her a message during the 25th like whut.

She asked me to have a drink with her but it’s raining that time so i refused to go which is until now, i am sorry for myself. She even told me that she wont go to work anymore so i did everything to stop he from doing that. I told her that i’ll give a gift or i’ll perform during our year end party but she refused to accept. She got quite busy during the night and i even asked her if she’s free on the next day but she said nope.

On Sunday, i talked to her again and asked if it’s a final decision, i even told her jokingly that she wont be able to see me perform. She said that she’ll go to work because she wants to watch me, i am really happy because i feel special. But it turned out that they got back together, i am stupid right?

December 31, our year end party. When i came in, she’s still not there but her girlfriend is so i thought, maybe they’re still not getting back together. She arrives and keeps on saying to her friend “Where’s the gift you promised me?” which is actually for me because i promised her. I was with my friend when she asked me to have a photo with her. I was actually surprised because we never had a photo together yet. She took it, her hand is actually trembling which is funny so i told her i’ll take it for her, but I AM TREMBLING AS WELL.

She were in front of me when i told my friend to take a photo together but she went to us saying that she wants to join so i took a photo of the three of us. I was really happy that time but that ended real quick when her girlfriend performed and she said “I’m so embarrassed for you”. I was like “They got back together”.

It even gets sadder when we’re about to eat, they went to get the food together, eating beside each other and they even took a photo together. For short, they’re very sweet to one another.

Our party ended, i was frowning the whole time, each and everyone is greeting one another and hugging each other. She was in front of me and i jokingly told her “Happy new year” and i even leaned a bit but we’re on our way out so i just went out of the room. She called me and said “Okay let’s hug”. I was about to hugged her but we both leaned on the same direction which made us almost kissed. I was embarrassed big time, even some of our wavemates saw it as well as her girlfriend. But we still hugged of course. Both of us were actually speechless after that.

Why is it whenever i am deciding to forget about her, she’s doing something that will make me fall for her more?

#hopelessromantic hopeless romantic crush wavemate

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slowpoke79 · 6 years

Note

every odd numbr!

THANKS jes si love u i put them under a cut to be Kinde

1. Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?

i have an AMAZING partner!

3. Are you a jealous person?

i definitely can be but i try not to be ndgngd

5. Do you chew on your straws?

yeah and then i choke on them

7. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

i dont think ive ever actually made it to 48! probably a good thing lol! 😄

9. What should you be doing right now?

probably studying,.

11. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

almost all my past relos have been over 6 months and my current one is a year and 2 months so yeah!

13. Do you believe in love?

yes!!! i love love!!!!

15. Who was the last person you talked to?

u , on discord, but u didnt fucking reply???? get out fake best friend!!!

17. Will you get married?

tbh i am a little terrified of marriage but id also love to get married SO

19. Does anyone like you?

well lets just say i SURE fucking hope so

21. Who was the first person you talked to today?

i think it was scout!

23. What are you NOT looking forward to?

the hsc

25. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?

‘opposite sex’ is FAKE anyways someone has told me they loved me and meant it and i am so lucky to be loved

27. Do you plan on moving out within the next year?

holy shit i hope so. its gonna be really hard and im still trying to figure out if itll even be financially possible but i really need to get out of this household

29. How many TRUE friends do you have?

im scared to count in case i forget someone! but i have quite a few and im lucky to have them

31. Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?

well some of my exes are pretty close w my current partner so kind of i guess? but not reeeally

33. Who was the last person you drove with?

my mum dropped me to the bus stop this morning so

35. If you could move somewhere else, would you?

yes

37. Can you live a day without TV?

i dont even watch tv. and without netflix/etc? yeah probably

39. Three names you go by…

phi, phoenix, and then theres some nicknames Only One Person/A Few People call me (nixie, pj, phee, pheonix)

41. What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

uhhhhhh i dont really watch romance but like, love simon was good

43. What’s your current problem?

like, school

45. Your thoughts of long distance relationships?

😭😭😭😭😭 most of my relos have been. i dont think i could ever do a distance longer than the one im doing now again

47. Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?

hmm a bit yeah!

#ikimotos

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weekendsabo · 4 years

Text

Journal - Saturday, December 1st, 2018

Bob sent me the band Bonny Doon. Now I’m listening to Ricewine which is equally as chill as the Bonny Doon band. Big News! I found the missing piece to that stupid puzzle. I don’t know exactly where is came from, but it just appeared and I’m happy that puzzle doesn’t have a missing piece now. Pretty excited. but got in clean mode so I swept the entire house and cleaned that fan and mopped a little. Nice to have a clean house. If I just do a little everyday it won’t get bad.

Cont. on 11/22

I have to get a washer and dryer. Maybe that’s what I’ll get with my hopeful bonus. Mild orange was next on youtube and they are solid as well. I have plans to meet up at Dillinger with Tsvet and James and possibly more. I’ll definitely throw on a different shirt and.

I saw you in that chair a look and gaze

Lunch was fun with James and Tsvet as well as Dee and Dennis, and the lady in the corner. I like the Dillinger. I go the Ruben and it was solid and some patron. Man, tequila is so good. I’m going to get a bottle for home. I kind of hope Luna doesn’t come over, but with my luck, she probably will. So just got downtown. She’s going to be a little late so I’ll go get a drink at the bar and pee all . I hope it goes well!

Cont. on 11/21

I can’t believe Luna still won’t text me back. I feel bad for her situation. Like, she has the worst luck. I can’t believe he would just hit, Dalton, and while living together. ridiculous. I may- well if she ever texts me back, then maybe I would consider having her come live here. We could car pool and jam and I think it would be fun. Make some vegan food together and just chill all the time. I don’t think I would mind having her around all the time. I’ve tried and whenever I see her shes always super excited to see me. So maybe I just have to but upfront about it and just be like “Hey, I like you, and u was wandering if you wanted to go on a date some time if you’re interested. If not, no biggy. I’m stoked to just be your friend and I’d be 100% okay with keeping it that way. no hard feelings or anything like that. So yeah, I mean we already know each other. but this would be a way for use to get to know each other ore and on a more deeper level. we can talk about sex and stuff like that and see what we both like. Do drugs together and just have a lot of fun. Could be cool if she ever texted back...

Cont. on 11/20

What do I like about Luna?

She has this like nervous laugh that I find adorable. She’ just comfortable. The right height to fit under my arm. That might have been the highlight of my night. Cuddling right up to her. Only way it could have been better is if she put her arm around me. But the head nuzzle worked just as well. I feel she just seem me as a friend and that’s okay. There’s only one way to find out and it just to ask her. Tomorrow night. I’ll go chill at my folks or maybe find something free to do downtown or I can hit up Evan and see what he’s doing. Or maybe I’ll just go chill and walk around DT a little. Possibilities are almost endless. Definitely maybe won’t hit her up. Are you interested in dating at all. I know you might not be be interested and getting out of your relationship. So I completely understand if you’re not down, and this will be the last we talk about it. I just have developed feeling and I wanted to se if you felt to same way. Nothing to lose really. One of the reasons I went to the show last night was to see her. Mission accomplished. Well see, I probably won’t cause I don’t want to make things awkward. So, that's probably the better option.

Cont. on 11/19

Also, she doesn’t smoke cigs, shes open to drugs, she doesn’t drink much which I would be adamant that I won’t drink when she doesn’t drink. She’d fit right on the back of my bike. One that I’m getting with my bonus. I feel we would have a good relationship and would be happy together. I understand depression, and would want to have an open policy on communication cause that is very very important.

Cont. on 11/16

I don’t know if I’m going to continue using this pen. It’s a little too much bleed through. It’s not to bad once you write. I thought maybe I would have a hard time reading but it looks okay. I’ll keep using the pen for now. Attempted to make pretzels with the pizza dough. I left and I turned out eggy. I think my water wasn’t hot enough or it was just not that great dough. Oh well. It’ll build a turd. I’ll probably make a BLT later for dinner. but really. I’ve eat plenty for today. Well see. I’ll get a wire brush and get the rest of that just out of there. Get a propane tank and itll be cool. I’ll boil those eggs tonight for sure and that’ll be my b-fast and lunch. Cook all that bacon. I’ll bake it so I don’t have to deal with is in a pan. and I’ll be able to get it nice and crispy! It’ll be delicious. AND she listened to music and likes to go to shows! I wold be the absolute best! So how do you think she sees me? Someone who drinks a ton. She knows all about my touring. I would also be 100% okay with her on tour. no problem with that at all.

Cont. on 11/15

I know I want someone that will help me learn or better me. Okay. Bonus equals home gym stuff and guitar. After this trip I’ll get a desk and get that stuff all set up. I’ll see if she has . I can drop her off in the morning and get her a coffee, then go to the gym to kill time. That does sound like a good plan. Then she can chill there or do something. I’d definitely let her take my car. I can get a ride gone from someone. If she wanted to go out. That might actually be good. Just to get that time alone. I’m down. If it gets. It’s not going to get awkward. It’s not like I’m asking her to be with me forever, I just feel like it could be fun. and if that happens, I will definitely get rid of FB. I feel once I do get a girl, I will just get rid of it and set up - I’ll wait till I get the band page going. Goal - Release 2 albums next year or EP’s whatever. I just want some music out there. I’ll make it happen. 2019 is going to be a good and productive year. No drink December starts now. I can do it. Yesterday I already knew that was happening before to deal to no drink to NYE!

Cont. on 11/14

Still not surprised that I spent $5600 on alcohol this year. I probably bumped it up to $5700 yesterday for sure. That ends now! That’s easily a trip to anywhere for a couple weeks. So bad. Cut down on food and booze and I will be doing great! I’ll find an easy recipe for something I can eat all week. Some chicken something. Make some perogies. It’ll be delicious. Invite James and Tsvet over. Find a good Perogie sauce. Keep it vegan hopefully. Id also be down to seriously cut down on my meat eating. I had a nice lunch with my sister today. I hope she quits that job and finds something else. And Zeb just sucks. I know why she doesn’t want to be with him and why she feels she can’t get a divorce. It’s scary. Especially for her. Be so hard to get Makayla over there unless all her rules just goes away. Cut his house, then she would just hate being over at Mel s. I think she will do it soon cause I wouldn’t deal with that for that long. Especially with his separate account. Not that having a separate account is bad, but it was kept secret. So crazy. That guy sucks.

Cont. on 11/13

Date with Gabby.

She was very nice and I did have a lot of fun. From Baltimore. Graduating next May from ASU. Lives with her folks. Has Type 1 diabetes which sucks. Net a natural red head but likes it. We started out at Artiface, we talked about her brothers show and how it went. she said it went really well. Told her about my tour life and stuff like that and stuff. She was super into horoscopes which is worrying. But really I’m not down. I’m pretty sure that I wont see her again. There was just no physical attraction. I don’t want to have to fake a whole aspect of a relationship just to save her feelings. Just it’s not happening. So, I’ll just have to break it of gently. Something like I had a lot of fun and you’re a cool person, but I don’t think we should continue to hang out anymore. I just didn’t feel anything and it’s not going to progress any more that it has so just do not waste your time or should just keep it like this and if we see each other by chance well say high and stuff. and keep if from getting awkward. Something like that should work! Next tie she ask about it I’ll bring in up and hope it goes good.

Cont. on 11/12

I think they are going to be alright. The eggs that is. I’m hard boiling 12 of them so that's 2 a day plus two days where I’ll get three. We can do Tuesday and Thursday. I’ll find a good recipe tomorrow. gotta take a break from pizza. I be I can lose 10 lbs by the christmas party. Especially if I’m not drinking. It’ll be easy. Work out stuff. Eggs are done. Bacon gets like 15 minutes. I may take a bath here shortly or tonight I should say. I’ll get all my shopping done on Sunday. Not drinking will cut the cost of this trip by a ton. I will have one with lunch but other than that no more. just tell them I’m on a hiatus. They won’t care. It really is no big deal. Tomorrow I’ll take some week and call it good! Save my a ton on money and I won’t feel like garbage on Tuesday. Well, I guess I won’t be cooking tomorrow unless I just come home and leave for the show. I wonder how may extra miles that would be, but it doesn’t matter. Its’ only a couple bucks to not have to kill like 5 hours. So yeah, I’ll come home after work. Make some good and chill, then I’ll head out.

Cont. on 11/10-11/12

I’m more that likely going to roll after Beemaster. Probably watch a song or two of the touring guy to see how they are. Cool, I’ll stay. Not cool, I’m going to rolling after Beemaster. Sorry dude but I have to be up early and I don’t want to be out till the wee hours of the morning for some band. I’ve never heard of. I will ask Luna out and see how that goes before I figure out if I should ask Vivian. I still think I’m not “cool” enough to date her. I would definitely need to step up my wardrobe, or she does like who I am but I could be fun to get dressed up and stuff like that. Lint roller tomorrow so I can wear my blue sweater but tomorrow. Wake up at 5. No snooze go for a run. Shave and shower. Work a little early. Wrap up that stupid 945 west 8th. That job can suck it! Hopefully we’ll be slow this week. I’ll take this with me and get it filled up. I could have filled up so much if I had this at work. Oh well. Either way, I’m jamming music tomorrow and no one can stop me! Friday I will do perogies. Have Ty and Melka and Tsvet and James and I’ll see if Luna is down. Be Like a triple date! Tell the to bring a game!

Cont. on 11/9

BLT was good. I used ricotta instead of mayo since I didn’t have any. I was even at the store too. I could be having some good food, but I was lazy! I need to stop doing that. Tsvet last night just I mean. It’s awesome that they do enjoy it as well. I’ll see if Luna want to come and I’ll do the vegan pirogies. If not, I’ll do the regular ones. Make the. I’ll make the dough and filling the day before, or all of it before, then just boil and fry and they will be golden. Do Like a salad or get some hummus. Borrow their food processor and make some hummus. Slice up some veggies or find a polish side dish and see. What I can fins. Maybe there's some good stuff if not. Hummus it is. I can do two different kinds. Do traditional and tn maybe find a jalapeno hummus. Then cucumbers cherry tomato's, something. I’ll do a onion mushroom top for the perogies. If they're at the show tomorrow I’ll ask the. I’ll shoot them all a message tomorrow. Should be a good time. I know Ty will be down. Still want to have a variety of people over instead of same people all the time.

Cont. on 11/8

I wonder if I can convert the kitchen to gas if I bought this house. I would tear down this wall. Lift the ceiling and just open this house up! but I do like the setup the way it is. It’s a pretty cute house but who knows. I may bot stay out here and go live in the bus and rent a warehouse or try and by a place with an apartment. I wander how much it'll cost? Maybe just being single is the way to go for a little while later. Maybe not try so hard. I’ll still talk to Luna though. but its just so easy to be myself. and, I took them for granite for sure. I’lI don’t know she wasn't’ right for me, but we had a lot of fun. Disney all the time, living together and working. I got over KC and Rainy. They were just way too much unfortunately. Their family is just way too much. I just wanted to stay home and play video games. I’m happy that is not a hobby anymore. Spent so much time playing games. They are really fond memories, but just doesn’t do it for me like it used too. Crazy how that have changed. I’ve changed a bunch these past couple years.

Cont. on 11/7

My blood pressure was like 14 over 92 with a heart rate of 102. I was just all high and probably because of how much I drank last night. 3 shots and 5 beers in 3.5hours on an empty stomach. I was pretty drunk unfortunately. At least I don’t have to worry about it. I’m so better at life sober so I don’t know why. I just want to feel something. Binging everything to take my mind off things. but I feel if I keep up with the writing I think I will be alright. I don’t need it, I just want it. Lately I’ve been not super happy with myself when I get super drunk. It’s just not fun anymore. I make bad decisions and just don’t do good. So I think I may just have to cut it out completely. It would be like changing my whole life. Bit I think I’m okay with it. I’ll be able to get a lot of things done and I can work more on music and other hobbies. I do want to get into wood working just because it seems fulfilling. We’ll see. I do have time to do these things I’m only 32 and I have a lot of years left to live!

Cont. on 11/6

I wonder if I can just get by with smoking weed and not drinking. I’m going to get some acid for sure. and just have some good trips. Doing it at NYE during the D could be really fun. I would be down to quit everything but psychedelics. They are by far the best. I will have acid parties. Find a girl that's down and just have fun with each other, explore each others body. I want to do that sober. Someone I’m actually attracted to. I still had fun, but it was what I needed at the time. I would sacrifice that physical attraction for being with someone. I went for what was there and easy. I have been good at not just being with someone. I’m so worried about not getting hard. I know when the time comes I will be upfront about it and let them know the deal. I also really need to lay off the porn so much and get some lube. dick is just getting beat up. Lets do a No Porn December with the no drinking and see how it goes. You can still jerk off, but without porn. I have to rewire my brain to stop thinking about porn, and it’s such a bad habit that it would definitely happen when I’m in a relationship.

#journal #december1st2018 #2018 #saturday #december

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winter-and-little-brunettes · 6 years

Text

85 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @vldrocketeer! Thanks, sweetie, sorry Im getting to doing this so late!!!

— What was your last…

1. Drink: Coca-Cola! And, Im about to go grab another can...

2. Phone call: My mom! I sent her some cute bird videos, and called her to hear her reactions to them.

3. Text message: A good friend I made in first year! His name is Colin, and he lived across the hall from me in residence first year. We’re both the same major (English Lit), and we both have similar interests in video games, so we got along great. I won’t post what I said, since we’re catching up and it was a long ass text message, but it was basically me explaining why I haven’t seen him around lately (since I’m usually holed up at work when I’m on campus)

4. Song you listened to: “Turning Page” by Sleeping At Last. It’s a favourite of mine!

5. Time you cried: Oh jeez... Uh, last month? March has been pretty stressful, and April will make me want to rip my hair out...

6. Dated someone twice: I almost did! But no, never actually dated the same guy twice.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Its hard enough to get me to kiss someone, let alone do it and regret it.

8. Been cheated on: I have. He was my first and only heartbreak (so far)

9. Lost someone special: Hmm... I think my best answer here is “yes”.

10. Been depressed: I mean, Im usually a pretty happy person, but everyone has their ups and downs. I cant say Ive been clinically depressed, but I have had a very dark part in my life, and I feel like another one is coming.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: HAHAHA uh... no... I mean, that totally wasn’t me...

— Fave colours

12. purple!!

13. blue, like, a royal blue, yknow?

14. pink

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: I have, fortunately!!

16. Fallen out of love: “I need to be in love for that to happen” god Erin, same

17. Laughed until you cried: Those are some of the best moments. I’m a loud laugher, and it happens like, once a week probably.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: I don’t do anything special enough to be talked about

19. Met someone who changed you: I feel like every person I’ve ever met has influenced me in some way or the other, so yes.

20. Found out who your friends are: Oh man, I certainly have. Fortunately, I have that cliche best friend story where I’ve literally known her since SK, went to the same elementary school, high school, and university together... And she lived around the corner from me when I still lived in my hometown.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: Well, considering my one ex is my friend there, I have to say yes.

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: Every single one. Although I’m never on facebook so don’t ever add me; itll take a month to hear back from me.

23. Do you have any pets: I have two cats! Well, one lives with me, and the other is at my parent’s place. But Perriwinkle is with me, my precious kitty, and shes all I need!

24. Do you want to change your name: Hmm... I do quite like my birth name, and I adore my last name, but my middle name... Im not super fond of “Marie”.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: hahahaha uh, well, Id been working at my new job for about a week at that time, so I was working on my 19th birthday.

26. What time did you wake up today: 11:35am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was working on The Power of Faiths upcoming update! ;)

28. What is something you can’t wait for: to be done university... As much as it’s a cool experience and all, all the stress it brings is gonna kill me prematurely.

30. What are you listening to right now: “I Get To Love You” by Ruelle

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I work with a guy named Tom. He’s a music major, he plays piano and is overall a super cool dude

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: when people I call for my job pick up the phone on a Sunday and bitch at me that I’m calling on “the day of rest”. Like?? Bitch, you did not have to pick up the phone. You saw the caller ID, just, let it go to voicemail?????????

33. Most visited website: It’s a toss-up between tumblr and ao3

34. Hair colour: brown, like, chocolate brown I guess

35. Long or short hair: It’s long for some people’s standards (it comes to between my shoulder blades) but still pretty short for me. I’m used to my hair reaching the small of my back.

36. Do you have a crush on someone: Oh hell no, aint nobody got time for that

37. What do you like about yourself: Uh... You guys wouldn’t like my answer.

38. Want any piercings: I seriously thought about a tongue piercing, but idk.

39. Blood type: You’d think, from the amount of blood Ive had taken for allergy tests and the like that I’d know. But nope, I have no idea.

40. Nicknames: Sam, Sammy, Samserban, Pretties, Samuel.

41. Relationship status: Single

42. Sign: Gemini!

43. Pronouns: she/her

44. Fave tv show: Voltron

45. Tattoos: I’m looking into tattoo parlors to get my first tattoo over the summer. I’m gonna get a bunch of flowers on my back, over my heart, for my grandma <3

46. Right or left handed: Right

47: Ever had surgery: Nope! Worst I’ve had are x-rays

48. Piercings: I do have my ears pierced, just once.

49. Sport: Hahahaaaa not anymore, I’m lazy af. But I used to figure skate competitively, row competitively, and ride horses.

50. Vacation: I hardly ever travel. Ive been down to Florida twice, and been to England and Scotland around this time two years ago with my two best friends.

51. Trainers: ...no? Again, I’m lazy af.

— More general

52. Eating: I dont eat as often as I should.

53. Drinking: Coca-Cola. Or coffee. Not sure which I’m gonna get yet.

54. I’m about to watch: I mean, I should be working on papers or something... Or even writing... But I just finished watching Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood the other day and I loved it!!!

55. Waiting for: my English prof to give me my marks back for a paper I wrote.

56. Want: a lot of money so I don’t have to work as much as I do to live in my bachelor’s apartment with my cat.

57. Get married: Maybe..... It depends on if I ever find the right person. But if I dont, I am more than happy to be alone.

58. Career: I really reeeaaally want to get into a writing/editing career. I want to one day work for a firm to work one on one with authors to help them edit and publish novels!

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: Hugs!

60. Lips or eyes: Oooh, eyes man!

61. Shorter or taller: Taller...

62. Older or younger: Older

63. Nice arms or stomach: Ooooh... arms...

64. Hookup or relationships: Definitely relationships, but I’m terrible at keeping them,,

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: Oh gosh, I mean, Im definitely more of a trouble maker... But like, a cautious one.

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: Oh hell no

67. Drank hard liquor: Im Canadian... Yes

68.Turned someone down: Haha, I sure have! I got asked out by two different guys on the same day before.

69. Sex on first date: Oh god no

70: Broken someone’s heart: Probably.....

71. Had your heart broken: I most certainly have!

72. Been arrested: Fortunately, not.

73. Cried when someone died: Yes. But, only once.

74. Fallen for a friend: I have no idea what this means???

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: hahaha uh... No???????

76. Miracles: Id like to??

77. Love at first sight: I do, but not for myself.

78. Santa Claus: Nope

79. Angels: Oh god no

— Misc

80. Eye colour: like, a warm brown colour?

81. Best friends name: Kaylee!

82. Favourite movie: I love too many movies... But the ones that come to mind are Spirit: Stallion of the Cimerran, Stardust, The Swan Princess, and Toy Story!!!

83. Favourite actor: There are days I can barely remember my coworkers names, and I see them for like, 15 hours a week. Let alone someone I’ve never met???

84. Favourite cartoon: It’s Voltron ;)

85. Favourite teacher’s name: I dont really consider myself to have “favourite” profs. But I am fond of a few that I’ve had!

I’m gonna tag @forsakenangel88, @mardimari, @dumb-birdd, and any of my followers who want to do this! Just tag me, I’d love to see your answers <3

#me things #i was tagged?

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projectpieces · 5 years

Text

things u said that scared me

the irony is this: i asked for nothing serious. my exact words 11/12

in retrospect, neither of us saw this coming. coming out of a serious relationship of 3 years (serious to me a serial non-committer) i thought id take this time to step back and look at the bigger picture that is my life. find myself again. reprioritize. dig up my values. renew and restart to live a life invested in myself and my truth. then it happened.

and when it happened it seriously happened. all at once. as cliche as it may sound it started really slow then hit me all of a sudden. i was, in love? falling? super duper fast and hard. all of a sudden. then next thing you know we cant spend a day apart. was i getting comfortable? did i not have enough time to get uncomfortable? what was happening... what is happening. my patterns can be unhealthy but i couldn’t find anything wrong with what we were doing or what i was doing. then as quickly as it rose, it fell. enter all the negative, gross emotions that come with love. skepticism, distrust, jealousy, comparison. yuck. i couldnt take it. i almost bailed... twice. 3x if you include the time i got really drunk and ditched the kick it to drive home on my own. then didn’t answer your calls or texts all night. a classic nicole move right there. you stuck around though to my surprise. you got mad for a sec then got over it. is that love?

love. lol

its comedy. you think you love someone and see the rest of your life with them. all of a sudden you drop them and its like life never stopped. it keeps going. you realize, you didn’t need this person. but they were great to be around. you cared about them so much. you admired them. then. you fall in love. you obsess. you cling. you need. you desire. you crave. affection has never felt so perfect. being cheesy and corny all of a sudden make sense. all those movies and songs that you rolled your eyes to are the latest pleasures of your everyday. you are feelin it. them. in love. and its absolutely perfect.

the things you said that scared me

remember when i talked about the negative feelings that come with love? yea. thats the suckiest part about the whole deal. its a high forsure. that comes with huge...and i mean HUGE risk. of hurt. thats where im at now. im scared. my ego chimes in and she is loud. she likes to tell me that itll never last. that there will be someone better. prettier. younger. more talented. more to give. she tells me that this is nothing. that it can never be “serious”. that it can never actually be you. she tells me that im just here for company, that im filling a void. that i only take care of him and receive nothing in return. she tells me hes interested in other people but cant get them. he settled.

#1 “im so ugly. girls dont like me.”

#2 “yeah ill probably move to la”

#3 “i think i’ll just go home. i dont want to be alone”

#4 *referring to posting on social media* “seems too serious”

right. seems too serious. this is where it backfires. what is “too serious”? apparently flying home to meet the family isnt too serious. or loving each other. (this is ego talking) and let me tell that last one might have fucked me up today. 2/25. i was trippin at work. i mean i usually do, its an easy environment to ruminate in. but im working on it every day. finding myself exercises and questions to work through. redirecting to my senses when im stuck on a thought. making flow charts and maps to analyze my own thought process. unlearning bad thought patterns. reestablishing healthier patterns. forming new habits when a thought enters my mind. [is it true? does it serve or starve? is it out of my hands?] when i focus on my sensations i ask myself what do i see? hear? what can i touch? (i like feeling change in temperature hot/cold) what can i smell or taste? and the last one, what am i thankful for?

ironically enough. i fell in love with you. and in order to stay with you, trust you, not repeat my mistakes and fall into old patterns. i reacquainted with myself. without trying or forcing myself to be alone. i fall in love with myself everyday. not because im loving myself and getting better at it everyday, but having to wake up neutral and finding reasons to love myself as the day progresses. because i need to. in order to love you. in order to trust. to make this work, i had to trust myself enough to know that i’ll be alright if it goes to shit. and i will be, i know that. because. im the fucking shit. and youre pretty great too.

0 notes

scarlette-joel-writing · 7 years

Text

Fear of Flying

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Reader

Requested by: No one

Genre: Cuteness

Warnings: A bit of language. Anxiety (fear of planes).

Words: 1.4 k

Part 1 Part 2

A/N There will be a part two to this. I have it all planned out.

She has never been on a plane before.

Not because there werent opportunities for her to go, because there had been plenty of chances throughout her life. No. She had never been on a plane before because of her fear of flying.

Actually. It wasnt a fear of flying at all. It was a fear of being 39,000 feet in the air with the knowledge that if they began to plummet to the Earth, or into the water, there was absolutely no chance that she would survive. That was what scared her the most. It was the fact that she was putting her life into the hands of a pilot to let her be flown half way across the country.

It was a fear of falling

She had told her mother a week before that it was only an 11 hour drive from her home state of Indiana to New York City, and if she left early enough she would have been able to make it there in time for the wedding with time to stop and rest along the way. Her mother wasnt having any of that.

“I have already bought the ticket Y/N. Dont make things unnecessarily difficult just cause you think you are going to die in a plane crash. We have spent over a hundred years mastering the art of flying and aviation. I think you are pretty safe,” was all that her mother had said on the subject, turning away from her.

And that had been the end of that conversation. There was no use arguing with the woman that would have dragged her by her ears to the airport and kicked her ass all the way to her seat. It was just better for Y/N to go and get over her fear of flying by herself than trying to win a fight that she had already lost.

“Hello, Miss,” comes the voice of a stewardess as she passes by my row. There is someone coming down the aisle before her and she points the person to the seat right next to mine before giving me a nod and heading further down the aisle. She lets her head fall back against the seat and lets her eyes shut, trying to block out the sound of everything else and the fact that I am going to sit on this plane for two and a half hours.

“First time on a plane?” is the question that the guy sitting next to her asks and part of her just wants to ignore him and not answer, but another part of her begins to nag at the back of her mind, knowing that she has heard that voice somewhere before.

“Is it that obvious?” She replies lowly but opens her eyes to look at the guy next her, and almost lets her eyes bulge out of her head.

Sitting next to her is the man that she had seen less than a month ago at the Billboard Awards, giving a speech on how thankful he was to have won the award. The same swept back brown hair and the same striking eyes. He was everything that she had heard about from all of her other friends that followed Kpop religiously. And she knew that she had indeed heard his voice before. In the interviews that her roommate fawned over in the middle of the night and in the raps of their songs that her roommate had blasting through the dorm room almost every day. She knew a lot more about this man that she thought was probably socially acceptable.

But she didn’t want to scare him away. So she kept her mouth shut.

“It’s pretty obvious,” he gives her another smiles, runs his hand through his hair to sweep it back off of his forehead, and then sticks the same hand out for her to shake. She quickly does and he smiles wide. “My name is Namjoon”

“Namjoon,” she repeats, pretending to let the Korean name roll around on her tongue to get used to the taste. Though she had tasted his name, as well as the other members of his group and countless others, on her tongue many times. “Can I call you Joonie?” she answers and he gives out a small laugh before shaking his head yes.

“I don’t see why not,” she nods her head at him and then turns back to the window

“My name is Y/N” She says without looking at him. That’s when she feels the plane lurch forward, and all thought of Kpop idols and nicknames fly out the window. She latches her hand on to the side of the chair and squeezes as hard as she can, willing herself to calm down.

“You really don’t like flying,” Namjoon whispers, and that is when she feels the side of the chair squeeze back and she looks down to realize that she hadn’t actually let go of Namjoon’s hand after they had exchanged pleasantries. She wants to tell him sorry. Wants to take her hand back and suffer through the anxiety alone, but she cant deny that having the presence of someone near her does make her heartbeat slow.

“I really don’t like flying,” she responds before shutting the cover to the window, not allowing herself to look out of it anymore. Itll just freak her out more than she already is.

“Then lets talk about something else to get your mind off of it. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?” His thumb begins to very lightly runs his thumb back and forth over her hand and she realizes that she is trying to match her breathing to the strokes that he makes.

One breath for every two strokes.

“Umm… Okay. I am 19 years old. I go to college here in Indiana. I was born and raised here as well. I have two younger sisters. My parents are great. I am flying out to New York City to see my best friend’s mom get married and I want to be a writer when I grow up,” She is rambling. Spouting out different facts about Herself and her life as she goes.

“Well then I guess its my turn. I am 23 years old. I am from South Korea. I love music and am currently in a band of sorts right now with six friends of mine. I am traveling to New York to meet up with those friends and have some fun before work takes over our entire lives,” he laughs and Y/N laughs right along with him.

And that is how it goes for two and a half hours. Namjoon and Y/N talking about everything and nothing. And as the plane is landing, Y/N looks at Namjoon with the biggest smile on her face.

“Thank you for everything. You really made flying more enjoyable,” he gives her a wide smile and she returns it right back. “And your English is impeccable,”

“Oh! That reminds me. I forgot to ask. Do you know any Korean? You probably don’t, but I thought I would ask,” he is gathering his carry on now. The plane has landed and people are beginning to file off. Her time with him is slowly coming to an end.

But he was right. She didn’t know the language. She had never seen the need in learning it. But. She did know one phrase from all of the music and TV shows that her roommate and other friends would watch and listen to.

She pulled the Sharpie she always carried with her out of her back pocket and popped the cap off, grabbing his hand once again. The same hand that had held her own throughout the whole flight and in the space that ran from the end of his slim thumb to where his wrist began she wrote:

‘아름다우시네♡’

“It was a pleasure meeting you Joonie,” she said as she set his hand down at his side, not giving him the chance to read what she had written on him. He just gave her that brilliant smile again and nodded his head.

“You too, Y/N,” she let his hand go, and he allowed her to walk out into the aisle first. There were one of the last two people on the plane, but that didn’t really seem to matter. “I really like the nickname Joonie by the way,”

“Me too. And it’s a lot shorter than Rap Monster,” she laughed and watched his eyes go wide before she waved a hand goodbye and turned to exit the plane, no longer afraid of flying.

#bts #fanfic #kim namjoon #namjoon #bts army #writing #idk #will continue #fanfiction #hope you like it

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myorganiczone-blog · 7 years

Text

Dead sea mud mask Reviews

REVIEWS FOR DEAD SEA MUD MASK

Debbie Farmer – August 26, 2017

I love this dead sea mud mask. It arrived fairly quickly

I love it. It arrived fairly quickly. I have used it twice now, and my skin feels so good when it is on. I didn’t put it on thick either. After rinsing off, it does leave a bit of a mess in the sink, but easily cleaned out. My face is smooth and not dry. I will order again, and keep using this product.

Princia Gangnon – August 14, 2017

Amazing product! Get it asap

Amazing dead sea mud mask ! Get it asap. It cleans and brightens my face like no other mask has done before. I feel like the more you use it the better the results because at first i had some breakouts but i soon realized that they disappeared after the next use. I use it twice a week.

Angela Smithon – June 2, 2017

Five Stars Love the way my skin feels after using this dead sea mud mask

My face felt refreshed and looked smooth and younger! Easy to use!

Joe Arienda – May 26, 2017

Five Stars for great product and hassle free transaction. i would recommend

great product and hassle free transaction. i would recommend This dead sea mud mask . It is really a special product. I’ve tried other mud masks but wasn’t keen on them until I tried this one. Great price point for a very high quality product!! 5/5

Susan Kuczkowski – May 8, 2017

This dead sea mud mask is amazing!

Love how soft it leaves your skin when used. This has helped “soothe” inflamed, itching, dry, acne prone skin for both myself (over 50) and my son (20). We have used as directed (weekly) and also as a “spot treatment” (daily) to help soothe and reduce the inflamed odd acne outbreak spots or stubborn acne spots. I would completely recommend and continue to use. Applied thin to allow to dry out (mask, weekly). No need to apply “thick”.

Shumaila K – May 7, 2017

dead sea mud mask is just awesome!!!!!!!!!!

I bought for my brother in law and he lives in a humid hot country and even then it is working Great!!!!!!! It is a great product and i think all skin type should try one

Gisel Ray – April 16, 2017

Great enjoy using this dead sea mud mask 3 times a week

Great enjoy using it 3 times a week for the last 2 weeks. But maybe too soon to see a difference. But i will keep using it for a while to see if it makes a difference.

Karley – March 31, 2017

If you’re looking for a safe mud mask for sensitive skin (I’m also acne prone AND oily) it’s wonderful, a treat to put on

Moisturizes and purifies my sensitive skin. Doesn’t dry out your skin or become tight when it dries. My face feels fresher and softer afterwards without residue. If you’re looking for a safe mask for sensitive skin (I’m also acne prone AND oily) this dead sea mud mask is wonderful, a treat to put on!

Gaby – March 29, 2017

Really amazing dead sea mud mask Half the price of others and works way better, i really loved this mud mask

i really loved this mud mask. Ive bought other mud masks and even more expensive ones but this one i felt worked way better then the others and it was half their price. other mud masks are very expensive due to their brand name and dont even work as good. I really recommend this mud mask especially for the price. Itll make your skin glow and soo smooth and bring out your pores and pimples. Just put it on and rest up for an hour!

Kaitlyn B – February 28, 2017

Great dead sea mud mask product for my My overall skin

I ordered this mask after noticing the great list of ingredients compared to similar masks on Amazon. This mask is amazing I use it every 3 days I love how it leaves my skin soft and definitely takes away dead skin cells improving My overall skin. Highly recommend

Tray – February 11, 2017

dead sea mud mask with No overnight fix but real results

This was my first “mud mask” as a guy. I wanted something to tighten and clean my face and this was what I needed. After washing away the product I immediately noticed how fresh and so clean (not like the Outkast song) my face was. Definitely worth the money

David MacDonald – January 18, 2017

A Male Mud Mask!

Super nice mask, does not flake that much when dry on skin. I like the black color. Good masks for guys. Makes for really smooth skin!

Vanessa – January 6, 2017

My first time buying this dead sea mud mask but i absolutely love it. I’ve used it three times in the past week

it was my first time buying this product but i absolutely love it. I’ve used it three times in the past week and it already started helping my face clear up. Definitely going to buy it again.

Heather G – January 5, 2017

This dead sea mud mask works great, my skin is always dry in the winter and this mud mask worked for me

This product works great, my skin is always dry in the winter and even with moisturizer it still tends to flake up a little. This product is creamy and leaves my skin soft and helps with the dryness allot more than my usual face cleanser.

STEPHIE GIRL – December 6, 2016

Wonderful Mus Mask product! Pure and natural dead sea mud mask

Wonderful product! Pure and natural. Smells great. Goes on smooth. Washes off easily. My skin was very refreshed! I am an Esthetician and only use the very best on my body. This meets those standards!

Andrea Mandelbaum – November 23, 2016

Got this dead sea mud mask quickly and is far superior to other clays and mud masks I’ve used previously

Shipped quickly and is far superior to other clays and mud Masks I’ve used previously. Goes on super smooth and rinses off easily, very creamy texture and made my skin soft and supple. Highly recommend. And at just 18$ it’s a fraction of the cost of designer products that are full of harsh chemicals and only make your skin worse.

R. CACERES – November 4, 2016

Five Stars for this dead sea mud mask

Very cleansing and leaves my skin soft and moisturized

Jimmy – October 8, 2016

dead sea mud mask Smells great, works fine

Smells great, works fine, came promptly. Really have no complaints. It is applied easily and comes off easily, and it leaves the skin really soft and smooth, even for skin with more acne.

Lindsay C – August 23, 2016

Skin feels so great after using this dead seam mud mask

Skin feels so great after using this. If you have clogged pores or oily skin this is definitely a must have. I purchased this with the Vitamin C Serum from My Organic Zone and the two products work wonders when used together. Will buy together again when need be.

Jonathan E – July 19, 2016

Great compliment to my face & skin! dead sea mud mask by my organic zone

I like the dead sea mud mask from My Organic Zone. It doesn’t irritate my skin nor does it overdry my skin after rinsing the mask with warm water. I generally use it twice a week after washing my face with my favorite liquid soap. Overall, so far so good! No complaints from me!

JC Prescotton – July 18, 2016

Dead Sea Mud Mask was very smooth, easy to put on.

Really good product. I have used many different mud mask over the years and I have been really pleased with the results of the Dead-Sea-Mud-Mask. I don’t have a problem with acne but my face tends to be on the oily side. The mask was very smooth, easy to put on and had a cool sensation on my face. It washed off well and left my face feeling cool,less oily, clean and very soft. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about this product. I can’t speak for long term results yet, but I will say that I will continue to use it.

Ricon – July 17, 2016

Mud mask with a lot of great benefits – Apply this dead sea mud mask twice a week

My skin feels so smooth after using this stuff! I have wanted to try dead sea mud for a long time now and I’m glad I finally got to try this stuff and that it works. When you read all the ingredients in it, it really starts to make you see that they put a lot of time and care into what they are making. I’ve only used if a few times but already I know that I am going to continue using this product for a long time.

Cyndi – May 5, 2016

Dead Sea Mud Mask by My Organic Zone is an incredible mud mask

Dead Sea Mud Mask is an awesome mud, at least to me. It came securely wrapped on the outside & had a protective thin lid under the main lid to prevent spillage. The first thing I noticed & liked was the smell. To me, it has a nice fresh scent. I applied this after I washed my face & left it on for about 15 min. I patted dry & my skin looked refreshed and felt smooth. It helped to really let my moisturizer ‘sink in’. Would purchase and/or recommend this mud mask

Gigi Sutton – April 30, 2016

Great Dead Sea Mud Mask, actually exceeded my expectations.

My skin is dry, not normally sensitive, but I am aging and fighting it every step of the way. In this battle, I have a bathroom full of less than effective weapons. Like any other woman I have tried many dead sea mud mask products promising to be the fountain of youth and guarantee to take our face back to visit our younger image in the mirror. I was pleasantly surprised to find the fragrance pleasing and the texture creamy and light. I have used other mud masks in the past that when dry you almost had to blast to remove. Not the case with dead sea mask by My Organic Zone. i lay down to rest while it dried after 15 minutes, I was certain that removing was going to be next to impossible. Not true it rinsed away easily and for a first use I was pleased with the results. The texture of my skin seemed smoother, my pores appeared smaller and the overall luminance was brighter. dead sea mud mask by My Organic Zone is a wonderful mud Mask product and exceeded my expectations in every way.

Noahz – April 19, 2016

You may need to hide this Dead Sea Mud Mask

I have tried various mud masks in the past and although some are great, others just are terrible. My Organic Zone Dead Sea Mud Mask is one of the good mud mask I have applied on my face. It has good set of ingredients and does not have “tingling” or eucalyptus feeling when drying but feels like it is drawing out the bad stuff as it dries. After using my face feels clean and refreshed.

#dead sea mud #dead sea #dead sea mud mask #benefits of dead sea mud mask #reviews #dead sea mud mask reviews

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adorkablephil · 8 years

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Phan Timeline

For a while now, I’ve been wanting a concise and up-to-date phan timeline to help make my fics as chronologically accurate as possible, but I couldn’t find one, so I decided to make one! I hope other people find it useful, too!

Also, I have linked to relevant YouTube videos wherever possible, so you can check out Dan and Phil looking like cute little babies in Jamaica in 2010, goofing off with PJ and Chris in Italy in 2011, or appearing at various conventions over the years, that sort of thing.

(It’s a bit heavy on the 2009-2010 stuff, because that’s what’s hardest to find & it’s so useful for fetus!phan fics.)

1/30/87 - Phil born in the town of Rawtenstall, in the district (or borough) of Rossendale, in the county of Lancashire, England (17 miles from Manchester)

6/11/91 - Dan born in the town of Wokingham, a historic market town in the county of Berkshire, England (7 miles from Reading)

3/26/06 - Phil uploaded his first video to AmazingPhil on YouTube

??/??/07 - Dan started watching Phil’s videos (probably approximate but mentioned in Dan’s 3/21/17 liveshow)

5/??/08 - Phil created his Twitter account

7/??/08 - Phil received his B.A. in English Language and Linguistics from the University of York (per University of York website)

1/27/09 - first documented tweet between Phil and PJ

2/??/09 - Dan first commented on an AmazingPhil video (I’ve found no actual documentation of this)

5/??/09 - Dan created his Twitter account

5/28/09 - first documented time Dan tweeted Phil (now deleted)

6/2/09 - first documented time Phil replied to Dan on Twitter (now deleted)

6/11/09 - Dan turned 18

6/21/09 - DnP became Facebook friends

6/??/09 - Dan finished school and began his gap year

7/8/09 - Dan tweeted “Just arrived back from a week in Cyprus…” (now deleted)

8/28/09 - Phil finished his final project at the University of York and left university (date estimated based on things he said in his “Burning Walrus” video on 8/24/09)

9/16/09 - Dan created a Dailybooth account and Phil followed it

9/25/09 - Dan posted his first nakedbooth photo (strategically covered in several stuffed animals) to celebrate 100 followers

10/4/09 - Dan posted his second nakedbooth photo with the number 200 (his number of followers) strategically placed

10/7/09 - Phil tweeted “woahh just talked to Dan for 5 hours” (now deleted)

10/10/09 - Dan posted his third nakedbooth photo with a video game controller strategically placed (to celebrate 300 followers)

10/16/09 - Dan posted his first danisnotonfire YouTube video, “Hello Internet.”

10/18/09 - Dan posted his second YouTube video, “Butterfingers”

10/19/09 - DnP first met in Manchester (met at Manchester Piccadilly Station, then went to Starbucks, Apple Store, and the Hilton’s Sky Bar)

10/19/09-10/21/19 - Dan stayed at Phil’s house while his parents were away (including filming of first PINOF on the 20th)

10/23/09 - Dan posted a nakedbooth photo with a lava lamp strategically placed

10/25/09 - first PINOF video posted

10/27/09 - Dan posted his third YouTube video, “Procrastination”

10/31/09 - YouTube Halloween Gathering in London (Dan had posted only 3 videos at this point, starting just a bit more than 2 weeks before the gathering)

11/1/09 - both Dan and Phil headed home after spending the night at an unknown location in London

11/2/09 - Dan uploaded a video which apparently included some of his nakedbooth pics, but it was almost immediately reported and taken down. He replaced it with a “new and improved version” the following day (as mentioned in this tweet), which is clearly this deleted video someone re-uploaded.

11/3/09 - Dan tweeted “just had a biblical-scale arguement with the father. pah, ill find sanctuary on the internet.”

11/6/09-11/9/09 - Dan stayed with Phil (whose parents were home)

11/7/09 - Dan and Phil spent the day with Phil’s friend Stephen Byrne (3sixty5days on Twitter) visiting from Ireland

11/10/09 - Dan posted a nakedbooth photo taken at Phil’s house with Lion strategically placed in the foreground

11/22/09 - Dan tweeted “I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone D:” (now deleted)

11/25/09 - Phil tweeted two photos from a Skype call with Dan. In one of them, Dan’s hand is pulling up his shirt, revealing much of his bare torso. Phil tweeted in response to the pic “woof.” (Phil’s tweet remains, but the photos have been deleted.) Dan tweeted, “four and a half hour skype calls are the best,” which Phil retweeted.

11/26/09 - Dan tweeted “wow 5 hours and 42 minutes on skype xD that’s a new record. the best thing before you fall asleep though :) goodnight guys <3″

11/29/09 - on his way to visit Phil, Dan tweeted “on 3 ½ hour train journey with my laptop xD happy times”

11/29/09 - Dan arrived at Phil’s house to stay while Phil’s parents were away & they went to the Sky Bar in Manchester again (full visit 11/29/09-12/4/09)

12/1/09 - Dan mentioned on Dailybooth that he and Phil had watched “Wall-E” together. Both Dan and Phil tweeted (this and this, but Phil’s tweets seem to be deleted) requesting inappropriate questions for a Q+A video for Dan’s channel (but none was uploaded anytime soon after this?) Dan tweeted, “All I can taste is cherry, all I can smell is cherry, all I can hear is cherry and all I can feel is cherry. Can’t really see much though” (no time stamp, tweet now deleted)

12/2/09 - at 2:16 a.m., while staying at Phil’s house, Dan tweeted “Uma Thurman just watched me have sex” (along with a photo of an Uma Thurman “Kill Bill” poster like the one in Phil’s bedroom, tweet now deleted). Later in the day, they went to see “Paranormal Activity” together.

12/3/09 - Dan and Phil both wrote tweets describing a day of “new mario wii + coke” and “watching ‘the cube’”

12/4/09 - Dan returned home from visiting Phil

12/8/09 - Phil tweeted “awake!! o_O fell asleep on skype to dan” (now deleted)

12/10/09-12/12/09 - Dan stayed with Phil (including another visit to the Sky Bar on the 10th)

12/13/09 - DnP traveled together to the YouTube Festive Gathering in London (including a visit to the Apple Store with various friends)—they stayed overnight on the “giant airbed” at the home of Tom Howes (wtftomcoolio on Twitter), one of Dan’s flirty Twitter friends (who is the same age as Dan)

12/14/09 - Dan and Phil visited the Natural History Museum in London before they each headed home

12/21/09 - Phil tweeted “longest skype call ever :]”

12/22/09-12/24/09 - Dan stayed with Phil (including filming for the Interactive Christmas Adventure video)

12/27/09 - Interactive Christmas Adventure video posted

12/30/09 - Dan tweeted that he was recognized by “a gang of hysterical fans” while waiting to meet Phil at the train station (in Reading—Phil was staying overnight with him so they could travel to London together the next day)

12/31/09 - New Years party at the home of Tom Bacon (tom_bacon on Twitter, SuperBaconNation on YouTube) in London (where Dan drank Malibu and looked really drunk in some pictures)

1/??/10 - Phil received his M.A. in Video Postproduction with Specialisation in Visual Effects from the University of York (per University of York website)

1/1/10 - Phil stayed overnight with Dan in Wokingham

¼/10 - Dan started his internship at a London law firm (during his gap year)

1/6/10 - Dan tweeted that he had become a “YouTube Partner”

1/7/10 - Dan tweeted excitedly that Phil had “over 90,000 subscribers”

1/15/10-1/17/10 - Dan stayed with Phil (went to see “Avatar” in 3D at IMAX, failed attempt to go to Sheffield Gathering due to bad weather)

1/23/10 - Dan tweeted “i strongly dislike the video i made earlier this week, but phil keeps telling me its good and wants me to upload it x] itll be up l8r 2night” (in reference to “New Years Resolution Fail”)

1/24/10 - Dan tweeted “coming home from manchester…” (so had been visiting Phil again)—got stranded in London along the way due to train issues

1/29/10 - Dan’s London law firm internship ended (during his gap year)

2/2/10 - Dan tweeted “this is so traumatic ;_; i don’t care how much i fail i just want the pressure to be behind me. i just want to move on” (in reference to revising for exam)

2/3/10 - some big exam for Dan (but this was during his gap year?)

2/4/10 - Dan received his unconditional acceptance to Manchester University

2/13/10 - infamous Valentine’s Day (v-day) video posted privately to LessAmazingPhil while Dan was in India with his family

2/14/10 - Dan tweeted “I’m fed up of India.. there is somewhere else I want to be right now :[ <3″

2/20/10-2/23/10 - Dan visited Phil (directly after his trip to India and before returning home)

3/5/10-3/9/10 - Phil visited Dan

3/16/10-3/21/10 - Phil visited Dan

4/17/10-4/26/10 - trip to Blackpool and filming of PINOF 2

5/19/10-5/21/10 - London and Thorpe Amusement Park together

5/27/10 - AmazingDan video posted

5/27/10-6/3/10 - trip to Portugal (Phil mentions it briefly with some photos in his “World’s Biggest Chip?!” video, showing that they visited the Zoomarine in Guia, drank sangria, and spent time exploring the rocky coastline)

5/28/10 - PINOF 2 video posted (from Portugal, as Phil tweeted “thank you portugal internet ;_; Q+A upload failed after 6 hrs. Video will be up in.. 6hrs 46. x____x sorry”)

6/11/10-6/18/10 - E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo) in Los Angeles (with Bryony, PJ, and others)

6/27/10-7/6/10?? - Dan visited Phil

7/26/10-8/2/10 - YouTuber Jamaica trip

8/6/10-8/8/10 - Summer in the City convention in London (only Dan attended because Phil was apartment hunting)

8/13/10-8/21/10?? - Dan visited and helped Phil move into his own apartment in Manchester

8/31/10-9/12/10 - at Phil’s place, StickAID collabs (1 & 2), zoo (on the 5th), and Muse concert (on the 11th)

9/16/10 - Dan arrived at Manchester University

11/16/10 - Dan hospitalized in Manchester with Phil’s help

12/23/10 - AmazingDan 2 video posted

2/10/11 - Phil was with Dan in Wokingham on Dan’s mum’s birthday

6/6/11 - Dan’s withdrawal from Manchester University effective (though the letter from the university to that effect was not sent until 10/24/12, so it’s unclear precisely when Dan actually made the decision and officially informed them of his wish to withdraw)

7/27/11 - Phil moved to their new apartment in Manchester

8/10/11?? - Dan moved in with Phil in Manchester

8/12/11-8/14/11 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

8/28/11 - DnP went to a Muse concert together

8/30/11-9/13/11 - DnP went to Italy with PJ & crabstickz

9/17/11 - infamous Valentine’s Day (v-day) video unprivated by YouTube glitch (didn’t circulate widely)

10/17/11 - DnP started The Super Amazing Project

11/1/11 - PINOF 3 video posted

12/22/11 - first baking video posted (“How to make Christmas cookies!”) (Phil says he has never baked anything before and that this will be his first time.)

12/25/11 - first Dan and Phil Christmas Special on BBC Radio 1

2/14/12 - (Valentine’s Day) Phil tweeted “I want someone to spend the day playing bubble bobble with me! I have reached level 100 but never finished it! ._.”

3/17/12 - DitL in Manchester video posted

3/23/12-3/25/12 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida)

4/4/12 - Phil tweeted “At the coolest Thai restaurant ever with @danisnotonfire and family! http://twitpic.com/95mbjx”

5/5/12 - Phil’s first live show on YouNow

6/22/12-6/27/12 - week in Vegas for Dan’s 21st birthday

6/28/12-6/30/12 - VidCon (in southern California)

7/10/12 - Dan’s first live show on YouNow (while flat-hunting in London with Phil)

7/11/12 - Dan’s infamous “fyi i like vagina” tweet in response to @Doctor_Swift’s question about whether he identified as homosexual (I’ve been unable to verify this)

7/23/12 - DnP moved to London

8/17/12-8/19/12 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

9/12/12 - PINOF 4 video posted

10/12/12 - Dan posted his FANDOMS video during a time when he was having difficulty/conflict with ... well ... fans

10/24/12 - Manchester University sent Dan a letter stating that his withdrawal was effective 6/6/11

10/31/12 - infamous Valentine’s Day (v-day) video leaked again and spread wildly on Tumblr (much fan freakage, much Dan freakage)

12/24/12 - DnP ended The Super Amazing Project (though it eventually continued without them)

12/25/12 - second Dan and Phil Christmas Special on BBC Radio 1

1/13/13 - DnP started weekly BBC Radio 1 request show

2/4/13 - Dan hit 1 mil subscribers

3/22/13-3/24/13 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida)

5/18/13 - (kinda) DitL in New York video posted

7/6/13 - Phil hit 1 mil subscribers

7/30/13 - Dan hit 2 mil subscribers

8/1/13-8/3/13 - VidCon (in southern California)

8/17/13-8/18/13 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

8/27/13 - DitL in London video posted

11/22/13 - PINOF 5 video posted

12/22/13 - Phil won Sugarscape’s “Hottest Lad 2013” (Dan came in second place, ahead of various members of One Direction, among others)

12/29/13 - Dan hit 3 mil subscribers

2/19/14 - Dan and Phil presented the YouTube livestream of the Brits

3/21/14-3/23/14 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida)

6/26/14-6/28/14 - VidCon (in southern California) (when others talked over Phil on the “Guide to Vlogging” panel, Dan grabbed a microphone and asked, “Can Phil express an opinion?”)

8/1/14-8/3/14 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

8/24/14 - DnP ended weekly BBC Radio 1 request show

8/29/14 - Phil hit 2 mil subscribers

9/1/14 - DnP started monthly Internet Takeover on BBC Radio 1

9/11/14 - Dan hit 4 mil subscribers

9/12/14 - DanandPhilGames YouTube channel was created

11/6/14 - PINOF 6 video posted

12/20/14 - Festive DitL video posted

2/6/15-2/8/15 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida)

2/13/15 - Dan hosted #NicerInternet special on BBC Radio 1 called “Anti-Social Media Live” featuring various other YouTubers (including Phil)

2/25/15 - Dan and Phil presented the YouTube livestream of the Brits

3/26/15 - TABINOF/TATINOF announced in YouTube trailer

4/9/15-4/20/15 - DnP trip to Japan

4/22/15 - DitL in Japan video posted

7/23/15-7/25/15 - VidCon (in southern California)

8/14/15-8/16/15 - Summer in the City convention (in London)

8/20/15 - Dan hit 5 mil subscribers

10/8/15-11/15/15 - TATINOF UK

10/12/15 - Phil hit 3 mil subscribers

10/13/15 - TABINOF published

11/29/15 - PINOF 7 video posted

2/12/16 - Dan tweeted “i’m off on the family holiday my mum planned for us to spend some quality time with my grandma before she gets too old to travel!”

2/14/16 - Phil tweeted (from his family’s home) “Ahoy! No live show tonight as I’m with family but there will be a rather romantic episode of undertale later!” (So they spent Valentine's Day 2016 apart.)

2/24/16 - Dan and Phil presented the YouTube livestream of the Brits

4/25/16 - last DnP Internet Takeover on BBC1 Radio 1 (pre-recorded episode which aired while they were in the US)

4/22/16-6/23/16 - TATINOF US/Canada

6/23/16-6/25/16 - VidCon (in southern California)

7/29/16 - Dan tweeted “finally @AmazingPhil exposed” along with photo of Phil eating Crunchy Nut out of the box

8/10/16 - Dan hit 6 mil subscribers

8/14/16-8/26/16 - TATINOF Australia (visited Hong Kong on their way there [possibly 8/7/16-8/8/16] and again on their way home [possibly 8/28/16-8/29/16])

8/21/16 - DitL in Australia video posted

8/22/16 - Dan painted his fingernails black

8/28/16?? - went to Ozone sky bar in Hong Kong (on way to Australia)

10/5/16 - TATINOF documentaries released on YouTube Red

10/23/16 - DnP jointly won “Best Vlogger” at the BBC Radio 1 Teen Awards

10/31/16 - “Monster Pops” video posted to danisnotonfire, spawning the “Post-Baking Universe”

11/3/16 - DAPGO published

11/21/16 - TATINOF in Dublin

11/22/16 - BONCAs (TATINOF won Film of the Year, PINOF 7 won Collaboration of the Year, and Phil won British Creator of the Year—Phil called Dan up onstage to share his individual Creator of the Year award)

11/27/16 - TATINOF in Berlin

11/29/16 - PINOF 8 video posted

12/5/16-12/6/16 - TATINOF in Stockholm

1/17/17 - Dan officially stopped straightening his hair, saying in his live show (which he titled “I have ‘Hobbit hair’ now!’), “Wavey Dan is rising.”

1/30/17 - Phil’s 30th birthday

1/30/17 - while on holiday with Phil’s family on the Isle of Man, Dan tweeted “happy birthday to @AmazingPhil you may be on the road to death but the light and warmth you bring to our lives is as everlasting as the sun”

3/14/17 - Phil hit 4 million subscribers

3/21/17 - Dan mentioned the mysterious “that week in March” in his live show, spawning a million phan theories and constant harassment of him to explain (he later explained that it was about running out of anti-depressants and suffering terrible withdrawal effects for the previous 10 days or so)

3/30/17 - “the pantsless live show” (when Dan and Phil both moved their blanket and camera around in such a way as to hide their lower bodies throughout)

4/10/17 - visited 1-Altitude sky bar in Singapore (on way to Australia)

4/15/17-4/17/17 - Cool for Summer Festival in Australia (visited Singapore on their way there and again on their way home)

4/16/17 - Dan painted his nails sparkly

4/26/17 - moved to second London apartment

5/1/17 - Dan rebranded from danisnotonfire to Daniel Howell, changing the names on all his social media accounts but keeping his YouTube channel name the same

5/5/17-5/7/17 - Playlist Live convention (in Orlando, Florida) (after which they vacationed in Florida with Phil’s family, including a visit to Miami)

6/21/17-6/24/17 - Vidcon (in southern California)

8/26/17 - first livestreamed video from DanAndPhilGAMES, “THE PHAN-PRIX”

9/9/17-9/18/17 - vacation at “an island in the Mediterranean” with friends (most likely Bryony and Wirrow)

9/25/17-9/27/17 - YouTube Creator Summit in Madrid, Spain

10/10/17 - Dan widely publicized World Mental Health Day in his live show, on Instagram, and on Twitter

10/11/17 - Dan posted his widely-praised “Daniel and Depression” video

10/17/17 - Dan was named an official Ambassador for the UK youth mental health charity YoungMinds

10/17/17 - Dan explained “that week in March” in his live show, explaining that it was 2 weeks that he went through withdrawal symptoms from running out of anti-depressants (Note: many phans then extremely contrite for having built up so many conspiracy theories and harassing him over and over again to explain since he first mentioned it in his live show on 3/21/17)

10/19/17 - the release of “Truth Bombs,” Dan and Phil’s party game (on the 8th anniversary of their first meeting), including the upload of a video of them playing the game with Tomska and Hazel Hayes

10/30/17 - the conjoined Halloween baking video basically broke the phandom and trended at #7 on YouTube, despite the amount of swearing and innuendo

11/10/17 - the 2018 Interactive Introverts world tour was announced

11/16/17 - Dan participated (with Prince William) in the announcement of the StopSpeakSupport anti-cyberbullying campaign

11/24/17 - PINOF9 video uploaded

12/??/17-12/??/17 - Dan spent time with the Lesters on the Isle of Man before going home to spend the actual holiday with his family

1/30/18 - Dan posted Phil’s birthday tweet with a photo of a cake that said, “Show me your birthday philussy,” which Phil then had to explain to his parents

2/14/18 - Dan and Phil went out to Valentine’s Day lunch with Martyn and Cornelia to celebrate Cornelia’s birthday

4/28/18 - Interactive Introverts world tour began in Brighton, England

Notes: I tried to include only events and dates that are clearly and readily documented online (mostly on Twitter or YouTube, but also occasionally Instagram, Wikipedia, or news articles), but I did also consult @thephandirectory and danie & felucca’s Dan & Phil Timeline of Early IRL Meetings), both of which include archived social media posts (tweets, Dailybooths, etc.) from 2009 and early 2010, since both Dan and Phil (but especially Dan) have deleted a lot of stuff from the early days (which Dan even jokes about in his Diss Track).

This is not intended to be a comprehensive timeline of everything they’ve done, because that would be ridiculous. I was just trying to include events that are most commonly discussed in the phandom, events that seemed important to their relationship, and events that seemed most important to their careers.

If I list just the name of an event (such as a convention or YouTuber gathering) with no other details, that means that Dan and Phil both attended.

In a few places, I wasn’t sure of exact dates or found conflicting information (such as exactly what date Dan moved into the apartment with Phil in Manchester), and I’ve gone with the source that seemed more reliable and/or included question marks. Also, there may occasionally be a one-day error where I had difficulty translating US time to UK time on an existing Twitter post. I researched long and hard, so I hope I haven’t made any stupid mistakes! If anyone wants to help refine or correct this timeline, feel free to message me with any additional information.

Also, tons and tons of thanks to @alittledizzy for her invaluable help with the early stuff!

Disclaimer: While I do ship phan, I’ve tried to just state facts throughout without adding any speculation.

#phan #phandom #dan and phil #phan timeline project #phan timeline

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