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nomeniko · 4 months

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hi :D for the ask game What do you wish more people understood about kazui? Which trial 2 MV do you enjoy the most, and why?

thank you for the ask i would grovel at ur feet in gratitude i hope the sun shines down and makes the light dance for u and you only today

1. if anything ive seen a few theories of kazui possibly revealing himself to be a two faced manipulator of sorts due to his self proclaimed liarness…. like ‘ohh u cant trust what he says he cld be trying to make himself look pitiable to the audience to get voted inno’ sort of theories which is. no he wont do that???

is he a liar? to a degree yes—liar not in the sense that what he says are direct falsities, but more like hes built much of his character to constantly disguise his true intentions/feelings as a defense mechanism. the lies he says are less of words from a schemer and more of redirections from someone who is, all in all, an insecure adult scared of what will happen if he isnt able to meet peoples expectations of him

as much as he calls himself a liar hes mad honest about where he thinks his capabilities lie, which is to say he doesnt believe in his capabilities at all lol. when amane asks him for help with her studies, he turns her down after some consideration bc he doesnt believe himself to be smart enough to help (despite having graduated from a university; sports degree or not credit shld be given where credit is due). when he talks to shidou post ktk attack, he refuses to admit doing any of the work in taking care of the situation and instead puts all the praise onto shidou. even his physical strength and skill (which is arguably the one part of him he does acknowledge and take some sort of belief in) is something he treats as less of something that he has achieved himself and more of an obligation of his—like, hes strong bc to him he HAS to be, bc it is expected of him to protect those who need protecting. he does want to protect others, sure, but much of that wanting comes frm how ingrained it is in him that thats what hes good for, thats what his strength is for (his timeline w/ yuno on her bday says as much nyway)

the way i see it, that self deprication of his plays back into his obsession with meeting the expectations placed onto him, or at least lessening the disappointment of others by lessening those expectations in the first place. if u tell someone that u didnt go to the right university, that u didnt do much to help anyway, that u were born so fundamentally wrong as a person that everything is bound to go to shit as long as ur there (he basically said this to es in his t1 vd im not even kidding), wouldnt that ensure the safety that youre less likely to ruin someone elses confidence in you? less likely to ruin bc in the small chance that u still fuck up, theres not much left to ruin at that point

in the end ig what i wish more ppl understood abt kazui is that hes a liar yes, but not a manipulator. he lies to stay safe, not to be a sadist or whatever. you cant take what he says at face value (in much the same way u cant do the same for any other prisoner tbh), but that does not mean u shldnt take anything he says srsly at all!!!

2. ok this one i have to give a bit of thought, mostly bc i cant pick just one

if the standards were which t2 mv do i enjoy for its direction music n visual wise, purge march takes the cake so quickly. the music itself is so bomb (which like, i cant even find a logical explanation as to why… its just so good to listen to) n the mv itself does such a great job at creating the right atmosphere, both in its flashy theatrics and the subtle uncanniness under it. mayb i have a slight bias bc tpm was the whole reason i got into milgram in the first place, but i stand by it idccc

aesthetic wise, def all knowing and all agony. the horror elements r genuinely disturbing, but not so overbearing that it overwrites the pop style that milgram has going on. i luove the use of amber for blood, plus the filters that remind me of found footage u usually see show up in asian horror movies. i think i was actually terrified the first time i watched the mv

symbolic wise, its cat always and forever god bless. it takes advantage of its aesthetics to hint at subtle secrets so well that it makes me giddy as hell. the use of colors as a part of the set, the transitions frm scene to scene having its own part in making the story, n honestly making the bg more blank than usual readjusts the focus of the mv on what matters p well. i cant mention every detail rn or else id be here all day

#asks #rambles #milgram #kazui mukuhara #sigh #idk how off topic this got i was a bit excited if u cant tell #thank u for this opportunity #<3

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sunnsfighter · 2 years

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Intro And Info!

So yeah , welcome to this page! Call me sunns.

Trying my hand at this now since it might be easier with a migration going on already.. idk?

Im actually a refugee of different site that shut down ages ago (like 3-4 years ago i think??)

Tried insta and its not what im looking for , so im trying here for real this time

(I used IG/twitter for art /feeds and entertainment since i dont use tiktok , and venting/keeping in contact with irls who have insta )

21, dont really care about pronouns (prefer just going by sunns or sunny)

Until requests are made for side blogs or it feels needed, thisll be a multifandom/general content account!

Before ya follow/interact:

Takes me a second to reply to dms !

(Mentally im a bit unstable and partially mute , diagnosed for some things but might have other things going on, please be a bit patient with me! If im too much lemme know)

For tws im doing common triggers only like bugs/gore body horror, auto marking it as sensitive/mature content and and straight up nsfw/lewdposting is going in a new blog if needed . For any uncommon triggers my ocs have or if theres content I do thats triggering and you follow, lemme know in dms and ill make a special oc/contact tag or phrase for you to filter out , and add it to my special tag list below

I do :

-oc art (for this account i wanna try writing and light doodles, whatevers in my head)

- have a fuck ton of AUs ive always wanted to do a tumblr for , but never gotten the chance to do.. ill test a few out see what sticks

- occasional screenshot edits !

Fandoms, new and old:

- Jojos bizarre adventure

-Monster high: (looking to see the new show and old stuff, skipping the irl movie)

-Card game animes (buddyfight vet, YGO Fan, cardfight vanguard enjoyer, still gotta get back into shadowverse/battle spirits again.. always down for more)

-pokemon (games or anime)

-digimon (anime , want to play the game)

- Carmen sandeigo (90s and Modern)

-Jem and the holograms (revival when??? Read both idw and watched 90s)

-Splatoon (been playing since 2)

Secondhand Fandom interests (i like owning ocs and/or seeing content from the fandom, even people post and talk about it and spoilers , but not exactly interested in the show itself or in the fandom )

-Cookie run

- Steven Universe (seen it all for the sake of knowing how it ends , old fav of mine but lost its shine when i got older, now i just like the ocs)

-BNHA : not interested in watching at all, just like the idea behind it

-osc/ object show ocs (ocs are a comfort of mine, i know little context )

- MLP: ponies fun, and so is edits

-miraculous ladybug : that whole love square thing is nuts and would drive me batty so i wouldnt loyally watch (In order or from the beginning) however i look into people talking bout spoilers cuz i saw some random late season eps and got kinda invested

-the simpsons : twitter algorythm got me into the content ngl

Favorite things:

-OOAK doll customs

-vtuber/mmd/3d models

-crafts and plushies !

-general doll collecting!

-pokemon cards!

Character/inspo list!!!

FCBF:

https://sunnsfighter.tumblr.com/post/701598567859666944/character-insposfaves

cardfight vanguard:

https://sunnsfighter.tumblr.com/post/701602059573706752/cardfight-vanguard-im-not-as-hype-for-it-as-bf

carmen sandeigo:

https://sunnsfighter.tumblr.com/post/702734768685596672/carmen-sandeigo-faves-shorter-post-ill-add

general aesthetics and other fandom faves:

https://sunnsfighter.tumblr.com/post/702741884320284672/other-character-faves-aesthetics-aesthetics

Special tags/phrases -

[Tag] Admin Sunndeigo- carmen sandeigo AUS by the admin

(Sub tags TBA, but ill have 90s or 19 before the AUs so youll know whats what)

[Tag] Sunns eclipse- vent tag , commonly paired with code CIL

[ phrase , could be a tag] Code CIL - usually accompanied by a vent post, a character i own with both gore and body horror

Buddyfight: Next Born Chaos [2nd gen buddyfight fanseason] - admins 2nd gen buddyfight fan season/story

The yota project [3rd gen BF ace story]

Admins fan story for buddyfight ace next gens

[Tag]Gemblooded (if tag is active, will add sunns presents to it) - my SU AU.

Next gemerations [tent title] my version of a SU gem world. The CGs do not exist as a team and hybrids are aplenty..

(I cant wait to revive those subrace concepts)

#pinned bios #introduction #newish #what will i show? maybe the stuff i was going to #looking to follow

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actualaster · 4 years

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>sees filtered post with the, like, one (1) thing that can sometimes be a trigger

>clicks amyway

>IT IS, IT IS, IT ISN'T A CASE OF SOMETHING ELSE CAUGHT BY THE FILTER

>back out so hard it causes whiplash

I am a Smart Person who makes Smart Decisions.

#IM OKAY FOR THE RECORD it was some images but the first one #wasnt the sort that triggers me and it was enough for me to realize the post contained actual content i cant handle #(the keyword i need to filter is also the same keyword as unrelated content i am indifferent to or interested in so its a game of chance #every single time i see a filtered post lmao)#and only SOME types of the images go beyond making my skin crawl so i was able to back out well before i was able to see anything bad for me #I JUST SHOULD KNOW BETTER BUT SEE THE ABOVE PROBLEM WITH THE SAME KEYWORD FOR TRIGGERING AND INTERESTING CONTENT orz #(the 'sometimes' is because after many many MANY years i can #in small amounts provided certain conditions are met handle it with merely having my skin crawl and being freaked out #rather than a panic attack and phantom sensations on my skin and feeling like i need to take a scalding shower and claw my skin off #also if im having a good mental health day i can handle it to a degree but if im already in a bad place i will collapse mentally #sadly the thing is a thing i am exposed to many times a year simply because it is a fact of life and i have a phobia born #of a traumatic childhood experience which y'know sucks but hey i dont stop functioning all the time anymore which is cool #actually i have several of those sorts of things however one like one of them has the power to trigger as images #the rest are all 'only triggering when exposed offline' and usually again under certain situations #because of years of just having to put up with it because theyre unavoidable facts of life #that or one is just because i have tondeal w/ it for my health lmao)

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denkineptune · 4 years

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mha date headcanons- boys and girls :))

♡ request: “i love ur blog already, ur writing is so good!!! im so excited to see the content u’ll be posting !! :D since ur taking requests, how abt some date headcanons for the mha boys (or girls if u want!) ?” - @dianangels

♡ thank you for letting me write girls aaa i chose to do some as first date hc. it was kinda hard to keep jirou’s gn because i wanted to reference wlw stereotypes but i succeeded in gender-neutral because i want everyone to be able to enjoy

♡ dedicating part of this to @anxious-botanist because she’s the one who inspired the momo cuddles hehe sorry it took so long

♡ fic details: headcanons, fluff, gender-neutral reader, 2nd pov

characters: kaminari, amajiki, jirou, ashido, yaoyorozu

kaminari- arcade

↠AR C ADE DA T E

↠you hear me??? arcade!! date!! ideal man, right here, someone claim him immediately or else i will be forced to take ownership

↠he’s super laid back and chill, pretty childish at heart. he only means the best, though, so i think an arcade is exactly what he would go for when taking you on a date! he doesn’t have a lot of money but still wants you to go home with something to remember the date by

↠he buys like $50 worth of tokens and splits it between the two of you, making sure that he tells you which games give the most tickets, because he’s definitely been here enough times to remember

↠his favorite game is either crossy roads or the big bass wheel- he loves crossy roads because of how cute the style is, but also there is impending stress and levels of d o o m as you progress further. big bass wheel is basically just gambling, and i think he’s yumeko jabami.

↠he hacks games to make you win sometimes,, his quirk is bascially designed to do this. it’s like he was born just to take you out on this arcade date. he uses his quirk to short circuit the game and trick the computer into giving you hundreds of tickets

↠he just wants to make you happy and see you smile!! there’s not a feeling quite like succeeding at something as silly as an arcade game, but there’s a certain pride to it that he loves seeing on your face.

↠kaminari only does it a few times, since he knows that you should be earning your prizes ((not that you know when he does it, he’s really cheeky about it))

↠playyyy multiplayers with him! he loves DDR (dance dance revolution)- you do multiple rounds and are equally exhausted by the end of it akdflad you may not be good, and tbh neither is denki, but you still have fun, which is what matters

↠he also loves taking photobooth pictures, he puts on the most horrendous filters and does the dumbest poses, but it’s so adorable. he does the typical one smile, one “serious”, one silly face, one kith > <

↠kami gets cocky,,, it’s just how he is,, he gets overly confident whether or not he’s been on a winstreak

“heyy, y/n! look at my speedrun on this, i’m getting so many tickets, i’ll be able to get a house by the end of it!”

↠and then he CAN’T because he doesn’t get the jackpot eghgdhgeh

↠by the end of the day, you’ve spent hours at the arcade, laughing and screaming with denki as you terrorize the small children. yes, he’s that kind of guy

↠by “terrorize”, i don’t mean like a bully, but he’s unintentionally intimidating kids with his pockets overflowing with ticket chains, a crazed look on his face as he goes absolutely ham on the shooting games

↠there’s electricity coming off of him, kids sometimes have to dodge it when passing by

↠so anyways, by the end of the date, you’re basically being kicked out of the arcade, because, as kami puts it,

“we were here when it opened and i’ll be damned if we’re not here when it closes,”

↠between the two of you, you’ve aquired tens of thousands of tickets??? the employees probably hate y’all, they had to count those beasts of ticket rolls you’ve accumulated during the 10 hours the arcade was open

↠exactly 62,069 tickets (69 go brrr- kaminari’s brain), and you can basically buy the arcade with that currency

↠but here’s the thing: he lets you spend all of it. you heard me, all. of. it. he just wants to see you happy, and the best way he can think of to get a final glorious memory of your smile is to let you spend the tickets as you see fit, this generosity just to see you glowing as you walk out of the building, arms chock full of amazing junk

↠but of course, you’d feel bad if you spent all of it, especially since he was the one who took you out, so you offered him the half of the tickets that were won

“denki, you won most of these with your amAzINg gaming skills, it’s only fair you get to have something too,”

“my prize will be seeing you- your- your-- aw fuck, i forgot the line, it’ll come back to me, just give me a minute.”

↠he tried to be smooth and it failed, but you chuckled at the attempt, so all around, he considered it a success

↠denki gets a lot of dumb things that will probably end up being thrown away soon, but he also gets you a very soft bat stuffed animal that you should treasure and keep forever

amajiki- a walk and picnic in a japanese garden

↠tamaki is very shy, very socially anxious. he’s the kind to wait for people to leave a section of a store before he goes there, purposely do his errands in the early morning to limit social interaction, and find any excuse to leave a situation. which, tbh, isn’t that all of us?

↠let’s be honest here, if it wasn’t y’alls first date, he’d probably not go anywhere. as long as he’s with you, he doesn’t really care for anything too fancy

↠but he’s convinced himself that he needs to do something reasonably big for your first date to make sure you don’t regret your decision to go out with him. so instead of deciding to stay in, he goes somewhere that’s only slightly anxious for him, but where he still feels comfortable

↠so he’s decided on a japanese tsukiyama garden! these places are beautiful by design, not cheap but not too expensive, and people are obligated by rules to be quiet and keep their hands to themselves

↠nobody goes to a garden to socialize, in fact, i’d argue most people go just to look around, rest, and clear their heads. there’s usually not any screaming children, no quirk usage, no villains, it’s a little safe haven.

↠bonus: there’s butterflies :))

↠it’s so peaceful, and he gets to focus on you instead of whatever loud noise is making him anxious

↠he brings a picnic basket filled with all your favorite foods, and his! he makes a show out of displaying what he can manifest with different snacks, making a point to eat edible seeds so he can produce flowers for you 🥺🥺🥺

↠you walk around the garden for a few hours, marveling at the decor and how well-maintained everything is. there’s a koi pond, hanging wisteria trees, and multiple gazebos that create a really comfortable and calm environment

↠speaking of koi ponds, amajiki offers to buy you food so you can feed the fish! you stand on a bridge above the pond, sharing the container with him. the sMILE on his face when he watches you throw the food is so pure i’m-

↠he’s the walking embodiment of “uwu”- his face is so calm and his eyes are shining and he can feel his heart swelling with love i am GOING to cry my eyes out

↠but honestly, he wishes he could stay in this moment forever- you’re happy, he’s happy, and it feels like you two are the only people in the universe. right now, he doesn’t have to worry about school, villain attacks, his future, or anything that makes him anxious; all that he can see right now is how beautiful and at peace you look. he took you out today, and you’re enjoying yourself. this is one of the few things that makes him confident: knowing that he’s able to make you happy

↠tamaki is silently celebrating; you’ve had a good time and he didn’t freak out, so it’s the best possible scenario!

ashido- rollerskating! ((look at her she’s adorable the smile n the eyes aaa))

↠mina is a very energetic and bubbly person, its quite obvious if you’ve spent any amount of time around her

↠for your first date with her, she’d already have a location in mind!!

↠the atmosphere of rollerskating rinks is so electric, she can’t help but feel happy there, and she wants to experience that lovely feeling with you, too :))

↠you enter the rink, and mina is already borderline bouncing off the walls alskdfj

↠whether or not you’ve ever skated before, ashido is super cautious with you- multiple times she’s fallen on her butt while learning how to skate, so unless you’re a pro, she’s watching your every move to make sure you don’t get hurt

“y/n! please be careful- you’re not getting hurt on my watch!”

↠she jabs a thumb in her direction proudly, with the cutest bigass grin on her face awh 🥺🥺🥺she’s really enthusiastic about sharing one of her passions with you

“try to balance, alright? don’t put too much weight on your heel or toes, because then you’ll fall on your butt. here, take my hand and i’ll help you! hey, there you go, you’re doing great!”

↠she pays for everything and will WRESTLE you if you try to disagree aldkfa if you’re the type of person to pay for everything as well, y’all are going to have to fight; mina will not give up

↠ashido comes here a lot, so she’s friendly with all the employees, she has the uncanny ability to make friends wherever she goes ((i mean she’s friends with bakugou,, if she can do that,, she can do anything))

↠she takes one of your hands and backs onto the rink, watching for anyone behind her. once you’re balanced properly, she shows you how to move your feet so that the two of you are in sync

↠skating isn’t super hard to figure out, it’s mostly intuitive, so you’ll get the hang of it quite quickly!! maybe you’re not too fast, but it’s still fun, so it doesn’t matter

↠while you’re moving with care, making sure to focus on your footwork, mina will definitely take the chance to show off her skating skills! she’s moving like crazy, weaving around other people and nearly toppling them over but shh she’s trying to impress you and if i’m being honest??? she’s really fucking good aldkdf

↠it’s obvious that she loves this hobby, and the fact that she likes you enough to share it with you on your first date is so adorable aaaa

↠mina’s really agile- you don’t know if that’s all the hero training or just something that comes naturally, but the way she moves makes skating look like the easiest goddamn thing in the world-

↠she’s such a romantic, she’s definitely put in a request for the dj to play your favorite song, no matter if it fits the mood or not

↠heavy rock? sure!! as long as you’re having fun, who cares about what other people think? super vulgar rap?? w h y n o t ? !

↠she just has that extroverted, positive, charming energy that’s infectious

↠you can’t help but feel at ease around her, she’s a genuinely a great person, and what you think the epitome of a hero is

↠all ashido really wants here is to have fun with you- i mean she really likes you, and hopes that she’ll get to go on another date w/ you, so she’s doing everything in her power to woo u

↠and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t working 🥺👉👈

jirou- hanging out in her room

↠kyouka jirou, being the more introverted person she is, wouldn’t really want to go somewhere super public, like mina would

↠i also believe that she’d want to be friends (or at least acquaintances) with you before asking you on a date- she’s easily annoyed by people, so i think that she’d need to be comfortable around you if she was to be romantically interested

↠and you’ve ticked all these boxes! you understand her sarcastic, blunt personality, and find it pretty amusing. beyond all that, she’s kind and caring, and deep down, she aspires to be a hero for all the right reasons. who wouldn’t love her for that?

↠so for your first date with kyouka, i think she’d want to be somewhere quiet and intimate with you. she wouldn’t want any interruptions ((specifically from jammingyay, who enjoys butting his head in other peoples’ business))

↠the most comfortable place for her would be her room, since it’s really just an extension of her personality, and since you’re quite close, she’d be okay with letting you in her private space. she trusts you.

↠just two guys bein dudes 🤠 ((if you’re a girl, it’s just sappho and her friend--))

↠music is one of the biggest things in jirou’s life, and i think she’d want to share it with you. that is, if you’d let her :)) she has dozens of different instruments, so if you want to attempt to learn something, she’d be totally down!!

↠please show her what kind of music you’re into! no matter what it is, she’ll listen to it. she wants to get to know what kind of person you are when you’re not around other people, and music is a great way to do that. even if you don’t have the same taste as her, she wouldn’t mind, since a) she’ll listen to pretty much anything, she’s not picky; and b) it’s something that you’re showing her, and that’s enough to make her happy

↠she’s not a very formal person, so i think she’d just want to talk to you and hang out. i’d think kyouka would be more of a fan of a gradual relationship, one that starts from friends and slowly evolves into more. and yes, as you can probably tell, i am a sucker for mutual pining and friends-to-lovers tropes-- im a simple hoe 😌

↠she’s super fun to hang out with!! her sense of humor is really snarky, she also enjoys talking shit about people she doesn’t like. if you’re not into that, she’s able to carry on conversation really well. there’s not a moment of awkward silence between you

↠jirou actually really likes talking shit about people hsahsh- as long as it’s someone that’s been mean in some way. she won’t say anything bad about someone who hasn’t done anything to deserve it. but if you’ve wronged her in some way, boy, do you have it COMING

↠by the end of it, i just know your cheeks hurt from laughing

↠she’s just a really fun person to be around, she may not be the most bubbly person ever, but she’s super easy-going and cool ((jirou bias incoming ekejke))

↠i do think she’d try to sneak some kind of affection if she thinks you’d reciprocate- if you’re really getting along well, she might snake her hand into yours when you’re sitting on the bed, laughing

↠honestly you might not even notice until she stops, because your hand feels empty and cold without her like your heart aa

↠if she’s really into you?? might get a smol peck on the cheek 👉👈 please try to get a smol peck on the cheek, it’s very cute and she gets so flustered

↠she goes up to you as you’re about to leave her room, grabs your shoulder, turns you around, and gives you an adorable if not slightly aggressive smooch

↠then she reFUSES to acknowledge what she just did akdfld- she turns away, beet red, and is completely silent

↠meanwhile you’re probably laughing your ass off because wow she’s so cute

↠kudos if you give one back to her, baby is on the verge of exploding ejkdjf

↠her heart just can’t handle what you’re doing to her

↠and despite what her appearance is, her heart is doing backflips- she’s whipped <33

momo: tea and c u d d l e s

↠she’s a very fancy person, obviously. yaoyorozu wants only the best for everyone she loves, and that, of course, includes you! she loves showing affection through giving things to others. her family status only magnifies this aspect of her personality, as being born into wealth gives her the means to spoil you rotten

↠and even though she’s bougie as all hell, she also somehow maintains an elegant and simple air about her. it’s impressive, really. it’s not like she tries to flex her money, it’s just a part of her life, and she enjoys using her privilege well

↠that being said, what’s more elegant and mature than going for tea? it’s a lovely pastime that momo would love to include you in!

↠lowkey,, she’s a whole sugar momma dfkdjla im not even joking- she doesn’t try to be, but virtually everything she does shows how rich she is

↠you arrive at the tea room, and by god is it fancy. there’s multiple chandeliers suspended from the ceiling, which is decorated with classic renaissance-style paintings. all the tables are set with white cloth, plates made of pure fine china, flowers and woven baskets set everywhere to create a cottagecore-like setting. the air about it is so sophisticated, from the patrons (wait is that a celebrity-) to the decorations

↠your face is kinda just,,, 😮,, because what in the world did momo get you into??

“momo, you’re so sweet, and this place is lovely, but don’t you think this is a bit much? not that i don’t absolutely appreciate it, it’s just that this seems really expensive, and i don’t want you to have to spend that much for just one date.”

↠she just chuckles, saying that it was “really nothing” (???? MISS GIRL???)

“don’t worry, y/n, this isn’t too much! i want to have fun today, and this place is so nice! let’s just find a table, alright?”

↠like, hunney, you’re so kind, but this is a LOT

↠but if you say so....

↠she looks at you with the most enthusiastic, wholesome eyes, and soon you’re following her like a puppy towards your table. the waiter sits you down, and leaves, giving you a moment to glaze over the menu to find a drink

↠and there’s so many types of teas, at least 30 on this page alone. you hadn’t even heard of half of these drinks, how would you know if you’d like them?

↠yaomomo seemed to notice your puzzlement, and said that you could get a pot of something simple, like jasmine green or earl grey, and she would get something fancier that you could try. why not?

↠a few minutes later, you’ve already adjusted to the sophisticated and intimidating environment, focusing only on the girl across from you, and how her eyes glittered with happiness

↠she orders a few normal tea foods, like scones with jam, lemon curd, and devonshire cream, and finger sandwiches. the fanciest thing she buys, though, is a blooming tea that arrives in a clear pot. it has an open flower inside of it, which is what the tea is infused with. it’s nearly 16,100 yen for one pot, though, and while you protest its expense, momo reassures you that it’s no problem (you just learned not to say anything about money, as it wouldn’t stop yaoyorozu from spoiling you)

↠ngl, it’s so fun to pretend to be fancy for a few hours at a tea room !! you acted as if you were a member of high society, using stereotypes to exaggerate your actions. it made some people only slightly irritated, but hey, it got a laugh out of a pretty girl, so who’s the real winner?

↠yaomomo taught you some classy etiquette that you should definitely use, it makes her so happy to think that you’re learning about new things while still enjoying your time with her

↠she makes really good conversation!! her intellect seeps through everything she says, anyone who talks to her would be able to tell that she’s extremely well-spoken and mature. momo is modest, and deflects a lot of the compliments you try to give her, so if you try to display your admiration for her, you’d probably need to be very specific about it. she doesn’t have the best self-image when it comes to her heroism and field work. spoken affection sometimes doesn’t get through to her, but you know what does? physical affection!

↠she loves cuddles, and will regularly take you back to her house after a date to cuddle in her bed. her mattress is legendary, and it’s comfortable as hell. there’s an abundance of pillows and the bed isn’t too soft or too firm, and it’s always somehow an amazing temperature???? mattresses are investments, and this was definitely a good one

↠momo loves the intimacy and trust of holding you, it allows her to escape from overthinking and only focus on you, her beautiful partner. she doesn’t care if she’s the big or little spoon, but her favorite kind of cuddling is when you’re on your back and she’s curled into your side, head tucked under your chin and hand on your chest

↠she can do this for hours, please let her. she feels safe with you, confident, because you’re choosing to spend time with her in this quiet moment instead of being off somewhere else.

↠in conclusion,,, 💕women 💕

-denkineptune

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hobiwonder · 5 years

Text

~honest fuckboy~ | (m)

pairing: jk x reader

words: 3.1k

warnings: smut.

a/n: hjrdbfuierbuibfn i accidentally deleted the post hhhhhhh im so sorry. here it is again. this is based on an ask i got about fuckboy jk.

“Okay so… I need to tell you something.” Your feet are tapping an impatient melody on the carpeted floor. Though he definitely can’t hear anything as the carpet muffles the noises that would probably would make him more nervous. Completely and utterly different from the Jungkook outside who’d been boasting about his ‘pussy destroyer’ status.

“Spit it out Jungkook. I’m literally not down for any more of your shitty pranks. I just need a good fuck and as the resident campus slut-”

“um, rude.” You continue anyway.

“-you are my safest bet. So, spill.” He seems even more nervous now for some reason. Sitting on the bed, legs splayed and arms resting back on the plush sheets. And they looked clean too. You didn’t think that was possible for a frat boy.

“Uh…. O-okay.” Your eyebrows are raised again as he looks around, seeming to be mulling his response in his head. Okay this was ridiculous, you were on a time crunch and your downstairs was getting drier by then second. Sighing, you just climb back on the bed, straddling his deliciously muscly thighs and mouth attaching back to his neck that you wanted to cover in hickeys. But you weren’t together and you didn’t want to put marks where they didn’t belong. Even if you really, really wanted to.

But of course he had to fucking ruin it.

“Wait wait!” The groan is unstoppable and this wasn’t the context you’d thought you’d be making these noises in.

“I swear to god Jungkook. Can’t this wait?” There is visible sweat brewing up on his temples and his lips are flushed from your earlier kisses.

“Okay here it goes,” He’s taking a deep breath in, closing his eyes once for a quick second before meeting yours, “I’ve only slept with one girl before.”

You stare at him. A solid minute passes and you haven’t moved an inch until your limbs are waking up again and a giggle is bubbling in your throat as you lean in again.

“Very funny. Now shut up before I kill you and then die of deprivation.”

“Y/n. I-I’m not kidding.” Pulling back, you can now see that all this fidgeting and twiddling with his thumbs really wasn’t an act.

What the hell.

Instantly, you’ve sprung back from his lap and your hands are gone in for the kill at your scalp. Frustration lacing every movement. This was just supposed to be you simply getting laid. Of course this would happen to you.

“What the fuck Jungkook?! Don’t say shit like that when I’m literally about to rip my clothes off.” Unless… “Wait. Is this just so you don’t have to sleep with me?”

Your voice is incredulous and accusing. Sure, you weren’t his hottest conquest or were really considered his type really. But Jeon Jungkook prided himself on never saying no to girls. He loved every female attention and happily hooked up with a variety even if he didn’t actually hang out with them. That’s why it had been so easy to pick him up at the party tonight. You’d had a nightmare of a date and your ego and pride had been bruised enough for one night for him to do you dirty like this too. You’re not sure if you’ll be okay if you got rejected twice in a night. Turns out Jaemin really didn’t like you like that. He just wanted to get laid. Much like what you wanted right now actually. But at least you were honest about it. He lead you on and you wanted to scratch his pretty face! You wore your best lingerie for tonight and that bastard flaked on you after five minutes when his regular booty call showed up.

Stupid pretty boys. At least Jungkook was an honest fuck boy. Or so you had thought. You really couldn’t handle being rejected by the all pleasing fuck boy. And your junior at that.

“No!” His eyes are widely blown and you almost believe him. He’s reaching forward to grab at your retrieving form but you’re having none of it. “Not at all. Y/n. please sit down.”

“No way. I’ve had enough of you assholes playing games with me.”

“What? Who are you talking about?” His eyebrows are furrowed in confusion but you don’t really care enough to tell him about your night for now.

“Don’t worry about it. But whatever I’m going.” You’ve only just turned around when Jungkook is pulling you back roughly so you’re falling back on his lap.

“Don’t go okay? It’s not because I don’t want to sleep with you. Don’t be dumb.” His once over at your tight little black dress doesn’t faze you. Okay maybe a little. Who wouldn’t feel flustered at Jeon Jungkook checking them out?

Sighing, you give him the benefit of the doubt, “Then what? Because I refuse to believe that you’ve only had sex once. Not when you’re literally bragging about screwing someone’s brains out every fucking party.”

“I do have a reputation to keep up you know?” He’s scoffing at you like you’re the one who’s being a little nuts at the moment.

“A reputation that you falsely cultivated, you smelly sock!” Yeah you were a little drunk too.

“Seriously? A smelly sock?” His smile is kinda cute, you think to yourself. “But yeah. I guess I really underestimated the ‘one lie leads to a thousand’ saying.”

Sighing, he just turns you back around in his lap and you can’t help it when you gaze slips further down south for a few seconds but Jungkook’s tsking noises have you looking back up, cheeks heavily flushed.

“You’re really horny aren’t you?” His chuckle is so carefree you’d be thinking it’s you who just confessed to being inexperienced in bed.

“Shut up kid. Thanks to you I might stay this way with no relief!” the pout is inevitable and unarguably a little childish but you could definitely hide away from all the judgement under the guise of being intoxicated.

“Y-You don’t… have to?” He sounds unsure and a little questioning. When you don’t say anything, he continues.

“I know I said I haven’t actually had sex more than that one time but I’d love to have sex with you.” He says it all so casually like he didn’t almost shit his pants confessing that very bit to you.

“Gee, thanks.” You pinch his slightly cherub face to which he yelps dramatically. “If anything, you owe me that mind blowing orgasm you brat.”

“Well then,” his smug little face is turning up in a smirk as he leans back again, spreading his body as it relaxes in the sheets before his face is tilting upwards, eyes taking a whole swipe at the way your dress has ridden up on your thighs. “Get to work babe.”

The nerve of this boy.

You’re about ready to give him a piece of your mind but instead, you go for something much more impactful. The way his eyes almost bulge out of his head is sweet, sweet revenge when you squeeze his length on top of his snug jeans. The shock is thankfully under control when you’d initially felt how hot and heavy his erection sat under the denim.

“You really need to learn when you’re out skilled ‘babe.’” The words are whispered close to his ear as you press a hot kiss beneath the lobe. He was a picture to be put up on the walls as he tried to keep his breathing even, eyes cast directly down to where your hand had now slipped inside his jeans. The rattling of the belt buckle with every movement from your hand was incredibly arousing. Not that you needed to be anymore horny at this stage.

“Wow, um okay… I should’ve -oh fuck – let you hit on me before.” His erection sits thick and hot in your hand as you scoff at him. Yeah, like you would.

“Please. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Jaemin flaking on me.” The last sentence is muttered under your breath but somehow his ears perked up enough to comprehend the name. Even when he’s receiving a hand job he does not shut up, does he?

“J-Jaemin? Really? You’re way out of his l-league. Oh god, y/n.” His moan hits you somewhere deep. Deeper than just your core with the way he’s saying your name and you can’t stop yourself when from slipping down to your knees- as if in a trance when you continue to glide your slippery hand over his girthy length.

“Say that again when my hand isn’t on your dick.” He doesn’t have a chance to open his smart mouth again because yours is on him. His hot skin on your tongue has an involuntary moan bubbling in your throat and reverberating against his hardened cock. The salty, tangy taste of him is addicting and you’re sliding your mouth down him and his reactions are only spurring you on further.

“God, you’re so hot. Look so h-hot with my cock in y-your mouth. Fuck, yes.” He’s growling, moaning and groaning as he watches you lap at his cock again and again. Saliva is starting to pool around your mouth and dripping down your chin as you suck the tip of him relentlessly. His dirty mouth is making you want to slip your hand inside your own underwear and get some relief.

You moan when his hand slips in to your hair at the nape of your neck, guiding your head around him as he gets close. His mouth seems to have lost its filter and so have his hips as they buck in to your mouth.

“I’m so close. S-So close, baby. Take my cock,” his growl only makes you moan louder around him, sucking him off with more vigour.

Lucky for him, you know exactly how to push him over the edge. Taking one of your hands that had been working on the base of his dick, slickened by a mixture of your saliva and his precum, you tug on his tightened balls and instantly – he’s bucking his hips in to your face screaming out his release.

Warmth fills your mouth as you drink down his cum. His hands guiding your head every which way to milk out every second of his release. Jungkook is panting heavily and his whole body is covered with sweat as he watches your mouth overflow with his cum. Still, you don’t stop gently lapping at him, swallowing every drop and he seems almost about ready to cry.

“Y/n,” he’s panting even more now, “stop or I’ll cum again. Fuck you’re so hot that was amazing.”

Pulling you up back on to his lap, he doesn’t wait for you to wipe your mouth before placing his own, on top in a sloppy kiss. He’s licking around your mouth and you can’t help but moan at the feel of him. In a haste, he’s pulling off his shirt and your eyes almost pop out of your head despite knowing to some degree about what you would see. You knew he was pretty built from the various photos posted on the university social media since you never went to the games. The muscles that bulged out from his football jersey were quite good looking in itself but seeing them up close – you could maybe understand why the girls went crazy for him despite his lack of sexual experience.

While you were busy drooling, Jungkook has already caught you eyeing him shamelessly with the way he was smirking and biting his lip. “Just going to look or do-”

“Shut the hell up.” Your scoff only makes him giggle like a teenage boy making a ‘that’s what she said’ joke.

“You want to kiss me. You want to hug me.” Is he serious?

You pull back slightly from his mouth that’s singing out the ridiculous song from Miss Congeniality.

“Are you seriously quoting Sandra bullock right now?” He scoffs right back at you while pulling up your short little dress as his glassy eyes continue to eat you up.

“Of course. She’s awesome and don’t change the subject. Fuck…” Thank god he’s stopped with the movie talk – although you agree wholeheartedly about Sandra – and the way he’s looking down at your snug silk black lingerie, hugging every curve and accentuating the right parts – the confidence boost is much appreciated.

“Okay so, how much do I need to guide you through?” Your eyebrows are furrowing when his expression stays vacant like he has nothing to say, worrying you profoundly. Did he know anything? Oh god. You were not ready for this arrangement. “Do you know… where the clit is?”

Jungkook is finally moving his facial muscles but only to roll his eyes at you and scoff before he’s flipping you over so you were the one underneath him. “I’m inexperienced y/n, not an idiot.”

“Debatable.” The murmur doesn’t go unnoticed when he’s sliding downwards like he’s about to sit at your feet or something.

“What was that?”

“I said that’s deba- Oh shit!” Oh shit indeed. Any braincells you had left to comprehend speech were now focused on making you feel every lash of Jungkook’s surprisingly skilful tongue that was lashing at your sodden black panties – outlining every fold through them with the hot, wet pad of his tongue. Doesn’t help when he’s chuckling while his face is buried in your pussy making your skin absorb all the vibrations from his dirty mouth.

His hands pull one of your thighs over his shoulder so he could tilt his head further to reach every nook and cranny that will bring tears to your eyes. He licks up a stripe to your aching clit with the flat of his tongue before gently sucking it in his mouth. Then he speaks.

“Did I find it or I need to try again?” The vibrations from his mouth – and his hot breath – go straight to the bundle of nerves in his mouth as embarrassingly loud moans leave yours.

“Sh-Shut up and focus. You owe m-me an orgasm.” The words transition into a whine the longer you talk. It’s impossible to talk at all, really. The material of your panties is stuck to you obscenely and you want to cry with relief when he finally pulls them to the side.

“J-Just take them off Jungkook. Hurry up.” The brat just chuckles like he’s watching a sitcom.

“Seems like you’re the virgin here.”

“So you admit you haven’t had sex at all?”

“What? No! that’s not what I meant.” He’s pouting therefore his mouth has stopped and you can finally take a breather and not embarrass yourself.

“Mhmm. Sure little guy.” Your chuckle has most likely provoked him but instead of being happy that he’s definitely enthusiastic about eating you out – you’re a little scared that he might even just kill you with his mouth with the way his eyes stared back at you.

He’s lowering his mouth once again until his lips gently hug your nether ones. He’s so calm about his movements that you have to hold your breath to not give away how much it’s shaking. He shakes his head slowly as if to snuggly fit his lips in a seal around your entrance. And then – his tongue is spearing in and out of your pussy as deep as the stiffened muscle can get.

Your head is falling back with the shock of how pleasurable the sensation of his tongue inside your pussy is since you’ve never had someone so thoroughly taste you like this before. Most guys only ever just focused on your clit while Jungkook was moaning around your pussy like he was having the most desired delicacy in the world. His pace is increasing gradually while your noises are not. You are not far from screaming your head off when a particular thrust of his devilish tongue reaches deep enough for your eyes to roll back in your head.

“J-Jungkook, oh-” you hiccup, “god.”

“Mm. Your pussy tastes so good. I could eat you all night.” He’s taking a breath each time he talk – slick covering his lips and chin as he takes small sucks of your clit keeping you constantly stimulated but never enough to make you cum – yet.

“You like my tongue babe? Hm? You’re so warm and soft and tight it’s hard for me to fuck your pussy open.” He’s growling out his words like earlier and you think you might just cum from his words.

“But that’s what my fingers are for, hm? To fuck you nice and open for my cock. That’s it.” He’s cooing like you’re the one who needs coaching through their first orgasm. But it might as well be true because the way you feel right now is unlike any other time you’ve cum. Your insides are wound tighter than ever and you physically feel like you’re going to start sobbing any second from the intensity of your climax.

A sob finally breaks free when Jungkook shoves his middle finger in you as his mouth moves up to your clit. He doesn’t bother setting a gradual pace like he had with his tongue – instead he shoves another one inside. “Fuck. You’re so tight. I’m not even sure I’m going to fit inside babe.”

If you could form any form of speech in any language right now you would tell him off for giving himself too much credit. He can’t be that big.

“I’m s-so c-close. Jungkook p-please.” Your hands are balled in to fists in his sheets while your legs twitch with the force it’s taking for you to not close them. Also helps that Jungkook is holding your thighs open from smashing closed on his skull and possibly cracking it. You might consider doing that later after you’ve came.

Speaking of – you do exactly that when Jungkook’s lips form a seal around your clit once again and suck in tandem with his fingers that scissor in and out of your pulsing cunt. Wet sounds have filled the room for quite some time but you can’t hear anything but a white noise as an almost violent wave of your orgasm rushes through you. You don’t remember how long it goes on for but it feels like forever. And when you finally come to again you have to push your hands against his head to make him stop licking at you since your legs have probably expired now.

“Knew you were a screamer.”

“What?” You’re still panting – pathetic. Jungkook is wearing a shit eating grin as he lets your underwear snap back in place making you cringe from the friction of the fabric overstimulating you.

“And a gusher. Holy shit.” All the blood has rushed to your cheeks – you can feel it from how hot your face feels right now and you know it’s not from just having come harder than you ever have.

“Shut up oh my god.”

#bts #bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook drabble #hhhhh why am i a grandma at technology

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

Text

8.14, Trial and Error.

Or, a concise jaunt through Dabb's pet themes that will carry us into s15.

With Dean finally finding a home in the bunker, the family themes really begin to kick in. Not only the stuff tied to their personal legacies, but also Dean's... veneration (not exactly the right word, but close enough) of Mary's memory. In an episode where we begin by finding a family that made not one, but THREE demon deals-- (which I already detailed in regard to Dabb's pet themes in this post a couple years ago: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/169622891355/im-watching-814-again-and-its-like-a-concise), with the final deal made by Ellie had been to heal her mother of Parkinson's disease, with the worst bit being that Ellie had NO IDEA about the 10 year clock that set on her life before the hellhounds would show up to drag her to Hell.

So we have mother themes already, in an episode where Dean set Mary's picture on his desk in his room when he arranged his room just so.

I mentioned in the last few episode writeups in this series that I wanted people to remember Sam and Dean's respective mindsets going forward, because this is where that all gets torn up. So we're officially back on the job, getting down to the business of closing up Hell forever. Which again, as I've said, seems like a really good idea on the surface. What could possibly go wrong, messing with the Natural Order in such a drastic fashion? I mean, we're just trying to lock up all the evil, right? Gotta keep people safe, and without demons harassing people on Earth, people will be safe... in theory...

Well, one problem with this is the COST of doing the thing... I mean how many things with OBJECTIVELY GOOD AND WHOLESOME conclusions also end with the person doing the thing, in Kevin's loose translation from the tablet:

KEVIN And it's just a few words of Enochian, but... [KEVIN gives a piece of paper to DEAN.] DEAN Oh, here we go. KEVIN ...the spell has to be spoken after you finish each of the three trials. SAM T-trials like, uh, like "Law & Order"? DEAN hands SAM the piece of paper, SAM grabs it out of his hand. KEVIN More like Hercules. The tablet says, "Whosoever chooses to undertake these tasks should fear not danger, nor death, nor..." A word I think means getting your spine ripped out through your mouth for all eternity. DEAN Good times. KEVIN Basically, God built a series of tests, and when you've done all three, you can slam the gates. SAM So, what – God wants us to take the SATs? KEVIN I-I guess. Uh, he works in mysterious ways. DEAN Yeah, mysterious, douche-y ways. All right. Where do we start?

And hoooboy... first off, does God actually want you do complete these trials? Or are they simply a CHOICE that is POSSIBLE to make, even if it might actually be a very, very bad choice? I mean, God also technically gave the angels a choice between "watching over humanity and creation and serving as the guardians of the world" and "starting the apocalypse and burning it all down." And a horrifyingly large number of the angels really believed the apocalypse was what God wanted them to do... (and the AU angels demonstrated that God... didn't actually care one way or the other what they chose, because it wasn't some sort of test they could pass or fail, they'd just have to live with the consequences of their choices... even if those consequences were MISErABLE for EVERYONE). Just as we will see with Cas's choice to help do the EXACT SAME THING to Heaven under Metatron's guidance by the end of 8.23, and what the horrific consequences of that apparently well-intentioned choice. Did God want them to do that, as well? To shut the gates of Heaven? And look what happened with THAT one? Metatron performed that spell, and was therefore the only angel who did not fall as a result. He effectively left himself in charge of Heaven, the only one able to control the doors in and out. So what would've happened to Sam if he'd completed the spell to close the gates to Hell? And can we all shudder at the parallel here for a moment and once again be grateful Dean stopped him from finishing that?

Good.

Plus there's that other consequence of performing the trials... the whole "getting your spine ripped out through your mouth for all eternity." Which makes it seem pretty clear, despite Sam's insistence that he wants to survive completing the trials, like there is a zero percent chance of actually being able to survive completing the trials, you know? No matter how you slice it, that seems like... a nonsurvivable situation... And yet, it's one of Sam's arguments to Dean at the end of the episode when he decides to complete the trials instead of finding another hellhound for Dean to kill...

DEAN Sam, I didn't pass the test. SAM But I did... And I'm doing the rest of them. DEAN My ass you are! SAM I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. DEAN Sam... SAM I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it. DEAN Sam, be smart. SAM I AM smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius – when it comes to lore, to – you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen – better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please – please believe in me, too.

But Dean... He saw it clearly from the start:

DEAN Because of the three trials crap – God's little obstacle course. We've been down roads like this before, man – with Yellow-Eyes, Lucifer, Dick friggin' Roman. We both know where this ends – one of us dies... Or worse. SAM So, what – you just up and decided it's gonna be you? DEAN I'm a grunt, Sam. You're not. You've always been the brains of this operation. SAM Dean— DEAN And you told me yourself that you see a way out. You see a light at the end of this ugly-ass tunnel. I don't. But I tell you what I do know – it's that I'm gonna die with a gun in my hand. 'Cause that's what I have waiting for me – that's all I have waiting for me. I want you to get out. I want you to have a life – become a man of Letters, whatever. You, with a wife and kids and – and – and grandkids, living till you're fat and bald and chugging Viagra – that is my perfect ending, and it's the only one that I'm gonna get. So I'm gonna do these trials. I'm gonna do them alone – end of story. You're staying here. I'm going out there. If landshark comes knocking, you call me. If you try to follow me, I'm gonna put a bullet in your damn leg.

BUT THIS DOES NOT MEAN DEAN'S ON A SELF-DESTRUCTIVE PATH HERE. We have repeatedly been shown that in s8-- but especially since Cas got out of Purgatory-- that Dean is kind of the opposite of self-destructive and nihilistic. He's REALISTIC. versus Sam's fantasy of idealistic. Dean doesn't see it as a "suicide mission," and he's anything but suicidal. That's obvious from the last few episode. He ENJOYS his life, he's THRILLED about having found the bunker, having his own room, this incredible legacy (how many people does he tell "yeah, we're legacies" to over this period? It's hilarious how proud and happy he is about this), not to mention his relative "lightness" since processing through what he went through in Purgatory. He's not self-destructive, he's just accepted his life and is realistic about it. He takes pleasure where he can find it, he's spending a lot less time denying the things that make him happy (like LARPing with Charlie or making him and Sam some really good food or even decorating his own room at the bunker). He's just accepted the fact that he doesn't even WANT a different life. He LIKES his life hunting, and is realistic about how he'll meet his end as long as he continues hunting.

But this is in stark contrast to Sam. Sam hears Dean's lil speech about dying with a gun in his hand and he sees it as hopelessness or resignation, when to Dean, it is not that at all. BUT IT WOULD BE TO *SAM*. And Sam really has difficulty processing Dean's emotions and desires through his own personal sympathy filter, because they just do not compute to Sam. What to Dean equals "comfortable acceptance of reality and the life he chooses because it makes him happy," to Sam sounds like "I'm willing to die because my life is otherwise meaningless." And it really misses the whole entire point.

But what SAM has always wanted for HIMSELF was that perfect life Dean described to him EXACTLY there. Normal family, normal life, living to old age and never having to hunt again. To Dean, that sounds like TORTURE. But in Dean's mind, Sam COULD have that life without Dean, without Dean dragging him back into the life like he literally did in 8.01, which Sam had been RESENTFUL AS FUCK over. He WANTED to hold on to that normal life! He was able to do it for a year, and even after Dean came back from Purgatory, Sam did not want to go back to hunting. Even when he DID reluctantly get back into hunting, it was filled with "you wanted me in the game, so I'm in the game," and repeated reminders that as soon as they found Kevin, and then when they found him it shifted to as soon as they closed the gates of Hell, that he would be retiring from hunting for good. REPEATED. REMINDERS.

Dean doesn't want out of the life AT ALL. He THRIVES on it. He doesn't know how to be anyone else, and doesn't want to try to be... but he's also not running toward the nearest cliff, you know? And as we go through this season, we'll watch Sam's attitude in reaction to the suffering the trials put him through, and watch him come to grips with the reality that there is no surviving these trials, no matter how much power of positive thinking he applies. But hooooBOY he's gonna keep trying to win here...

Let's also take a moment to reflect on just how... mistaken... the Winchesters' instincts can be regarding their plans. Because I think this has bearing on their entire choice to undertake the trials, as well. They go to the ranch knowing at least one person there made a deal. They BELIEVED it was primarily a deal to make themselves rich, but then the first hellhound victim dies, and they learn that he'd sold his soul for 10 years of love with his wife, who reverts to a state of confusion and can't even remember why she'd fallen in love with her husband in the first place. And... ew. So Sam quickly realizes that at least one more person sold their soul at that ranch, and begins suspecting the three happily wealthy (if socially stunted) members of the family. They don't at ALL suspect it's the quiet, nice youngest sister who lives a "normal" life after her family became inordinately wealthy. She sold her soul hoping that wealth would solve all her family's interpersonal arguments, but instead it just made them worse. But the surprise was the final soul-deal-- Ellie, who literally worked in shit all day in the barns because she loved the animals and loved her work, even if she didn't care for her employers. She sold her soul to save her mother's life. Entirely altruistic, if misguided.

After all this s8 nonsense, which is in turn s13 and s14 nonsense regarding the choices they all make re: possession by Michael, going to the AU to save Mary and Jack, Cas going to Heaven and making his deal with the Empty, whatever Dean was doing with the Drama Coffin, and whatever Jack's personal trials will entail after he returns from the empty in s15... well... what are we willing to trade for the people we love? Even when that's put up against the framework of potentially saving the universe?

Because let's remember again what Ellie traded her soul for... to save her mother. And wasn't this the exact offer Chuck made Dean in 14.20. Do the terrible thing, end your own life, but it will save your mother. And in the face of that choice, Dean refused.

#spn 8.14 #s14 hellatus rewatch #dabb vs cars #spn 14.20 #it's spirals all the way down #winchester family dynamics #sam vs reality #lies and damn lies #sam sympathizes and dean empathizes #the scheherazade of supernatural #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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cybernightwanderer · 4 years

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I went over the “How to Recognize the Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse” article and heres whats familiar : 46 out of 64 Signs LOL

-Name-calling. They’ll blatantly call you “stupid,” “a loser,” or words too awful to repeat here. There were too many times my mom would come to my room yelling and threatning to beat, or actually beat me up and call me a whore and a piece of shit. Still does, just doesnt call me a whore now, just calls me stupid and a a piece of shit occasionally. -Character assassination. This usually involves the word “always.” You’re always late, wrong, screwing up, disagreeable, and so on. Basically, they say you’re not a good person. Everyday AALL DAY. Things i used or barely did as a child , and keeps trowing at as an adult. -Yelling. Yelling, screaming, and swearing are meant to intimidate and make you feel small and inconsequential. It might be accompanied by fist-pounding or throwing things. No need to even explain this. -Patronizing. “Aw, sweetie, I know you try, but this is just beyond your understanding.” “Ah nooo, youll never be responsible to have your own life” -Public embarrassment. They pick fights, expose your secrets, or make fun of your shortcomings in public. Yup...

-Dismissiveness. You tell them about something that’s important to you and they say it’s nothing. Body language like eye-rolling, smirking, headshaking, and sighing help convey the same message. Trying to explain to her i dont like something or i dont wanna do something and why, trying to explain certain things she does harms me. And i just get mocked and threatned instead. - Insults of your appearance. They tell you, just before you go out, that your hair is ugly or your outfit is clownish. Every single day. Also to a point that she did this many times in front of strangers, or in front of my friends.

-Belittling your accomplishments. Your abuser might tell you that your achievements mean nothing, or they may even claim responsibility for your success. Yup -Put-downs of your interests. They might tell you that your hobby is a childish waste of time or you’re out of your league when you play sports. Really, it’s that they’d rather you not participate in activities without them. I stopped practising my drawing skills because she would always say i had no future in drawing characters and shitty stuff. Even tho i was starting and practising. That i had no future in it. -Pushing your buttons. Once your abuser knows about something that annoys you, they’ll bring it up or do it every chance they get. Daily picking fights with me, the yells at me for fighting with her and misstreats me. -Threats. Telling you they’ll take the kids and disappear, or saying “There’s no telling what I might do.” Threatning to kick me off the house whenever i refuse to do something she tells me to. For example, a few years ago, i was barely holding on with a minimal wage , she would take a cut out of it, so there was this month i did a whole month without days off to try and gather money to go to barcelona. She knew i had money saved up and threatened to kick me off the house if i didnt give her extra 100 euros for house rent. Usually stuff like this always. -Monitoring your whereabouts. They want to know where you are all the time and insist that you respond to calls or texts immediately. They might show up just to see if you’re where you’re supposed to be. If i go out with my friends or stay in my friends houses, if i go to a concert or anything, she will non stop be calling me and texting until i reply. Even if i already told her who i would be with and where ( i have to tell her always ) And always have to tell what i am doing. If i dont she will be mad for weeks and take it out on me. -Digital spying. They might check your internet history, emails, texts, and call log. They might even demand your passwords. Like the previous one, she asks my aunt to sent her my ig stuff and fb stuff i post, so i had to remove my entire family from my social network. Because she would always come up to me daily “ ah u posted this why? “ wether it would be a selfie or a poem. And is always messaging me on whatsapp and humiliating me and crontrolling wich picture i post on whatsapp. I generaly like to post my user photo of whatsapp as something funny, wether its my face with a filter, or a funny meme. Two months ago i posted a guy with his ass pinned up, wich was hilarious. She kept yelling at me everymorning, and even threatned to hit me , to take the picture down , because it looked bad. The picture was something like this ( not this, but the pose kinda )

- Unilateral decision-making. They might close a joint bank account, cancel your doctor’s appointment, or speak with your boss without asking. ALWAYS does these kinds of things without my consent. I work 12h a day everyday, im always tired, and i barely have money , and she “trying to take care of me “ will settle apointments for really expensive doctors witouth asking me if i even want, and will get mad at me when i tell her to cancel , saying im a big girl that i have to do it, SO i have to take out sometype of time during my busy work day to make a call to cancel something she settled without even asking me , and will be mad for weeks and take it out on me calling me names and shit. And if i dont accept her “ lending me the money for the apointment “ she will get mad and call me ungratfull and stupid. -Financial control. They might keep bank accounts in their name only and make you ask for money. You might be expected to account for every penny you spend. Well yeah.. dont even need to say anything here. - Lecturing. Belaboring your errors with long monologues makes it clear they think you’re beneath them. Or here... -Direct orders. From “Get my dinner on the table now” to “Stop taking the pill,” orders are expected to be followed despite your plans to the contrary. This daily basis. -Outbursts. You were told to cancel that outing with your friend or put the car in the garage, but didn’t, so now you have to put up with a red-faced tirade about how uncooperative you are. Always calling me lazy and shit for not doing HER OWN STUFF. -Treating you like a child. They tell you what to wear, what and how much to eat, or which friends you can see. I am 30 years old. -Feigned helplessness. They may say they don’t know how to do something. Sometimes it’s easier to do it yourself than to explain it. They know this and take advantage of it. Whatever happends she always plays the pity party card “ ahh im old” , “ ahhh i had an aneurism ( even tho she has been fine for two/three years now LOL )”, “ ahh my blood pressure “ She used that as an excuse to always ditch arguments or important discussions when she is loosing, and if i dont shut up she will threaten to kick me off the house or beat me. For example the other day she was shamming me out of nowhere from trying to commit suicide, and i told her she was one of the main reasons. She immediatly started to call me names, tried to hit me, and trow me out of the car. -Unpredictability. They’ll explode with rage out of nowhere, suddenly shower you with affection, or become dark and moody at the drop of a hat to keep you walking on eggshells. She flips randomly during the day, im afraid to leave my room. Or that she will enter my room. -They walk out. In a social situation, stomping out of the room leaves you holding the bag. At home, it’s a tool to keep the problem unresolved. She humiliates me in public then randomly walks out. -Using others. Abusers may tell you that “everybody” thinks you’re crazy or “they all say” you’re wrong. She likes to tell her friends and our family how “ irresponsable”, “immature” and no good for nothing i am, and how i am LEECHING her off... LOL -Jealousy. They accuse you of flirting or cheating on them. Usualy when i game or sometimes, ppl call me and talk to me, and she will eavesdropp my conversation and enter my room to hear better, or later wait until i leave the room , to complain about how i treat my friends so well , and speak so well to them , and how it is possible that i talk to her bad all the time and treat her like shit (? LOL ) Well for starters my friends dont misstreat me or call me names, or try to humiliate me or control me LOL or even pick fights with me. She will get mad at me for not wanting to spend time with her, and spending time with my friends. That im ungratefull and a bad daughter. LOL -Turning the tables. They say you cause their rage and control issues by being such a pain. This, that its my fault. That its my fault everything. - Denying something you know is true. An abuser will deny that an argument or even an agreement took place. This is called gaslighting. It’s meant to make you question your own memory and sanity. For example the other day , olso on the car, with the suicide attempt talk, i was trying to explain why and i told her my most painfull memory of her, was her beating me up for not knowing how to solve a math problem in 3rd grade. That she punched me several times because she tought i had awnsered 7 instead of 1. And she started yelling at me saying i made that up and shit. Like bitch i was afraid of doing my homework home because you would beat the crap out of me, instead of teatching me LOL. She once again used the “ blood pressure “ excuse and tried to hit me and kick me off the car in mid highway. -Using guilt. They might say something like, “You owe me this. Look at all I’ve done for you,” in an attempt to get their way. Ahh this is a classic. She says i owe her everything she asks for because SHE BIRTHED ME AND RAISED ME. And she used this argument to manipulate me in everything. -Goading then blaming. Abusers know just how to upset you. But once the trouble starts, it’s your fault for creating it. Yup -Denying their abuse. When you complain about their attacks, abusers will deny it, seemingly bewildered at the very thought of it. According to her, she just does everything she does because she cares LOL. -Accusing you of abuse. They say you’re the one who has anger and control issues and they’re the helpless victim. LOLOLOL cannot say this enought, SHE ACCUSES ME of being the abusive one , simply because i talk back, because i dont wanna be around her and because i fight with her LOL. Even tho she starts the fights and im just defending myself from her. -Trivializing. When you want to talk about your hurt feelings, they accuse you of overreacting and making mountains out of molehills. Yup -Saying you have no sense of humor. Abusers make personal jokes about you. If you object, they’ll tell you to lighten up. Yup -Blaming you for their problems. Whatever’s wrong in their life is all your fault. You’re not supportive enough, didn’t do enough, or stuck your nose where it didn’t belong. ALSO YUP -Destroying and denying. They might crack your cell phone screen or “lose” your car keys, then deny it. Tried to break my things numerous of times, or trash them or give them away. Wich she did. -Demanding respect. No perceived slight will go unpunished, and you’re expected to defer to them. But it’s a one-way street. Yup... She will happly tell me how to dress saying what im wearing is ugly, i will politely tell her to stop, she will continue to give her “opinion” i will get tired and yell to stop , she will immediatly demand respect and tell me i have no right to talk back at her and that im disrespectfull and stupid. -Shutting down communication. They’ll ignore your attempts at conversation in person, by text, or by phone. Yup -Dehumanizing you. They’ll look away when you’re talking or stare at something else when they speak to you. Yup -Keeping you from socializing. Whenever you have plans to go out, they come up with a distraction or beg you not to go. Also Yup She wouldnt let me go out if i didnt do my bed, and would make up shit just so i wouldnt go out, until i got tired and gave up. -Trying to come between you and your family. They’ll tell family members that you don’t want to see them or make excuses why you can’t attend family functions. Well she constantly came in between my first real good therapist. I was finally seeing a good therapist a few years ago. I was finally relieved and tought i could trust him, all of a suddent she demanded to be in the therapy sessions. So in the sessions instead of talking about what upset me and her constant mental abuse, the therapist gave in to her demands, and started adressing HER issues with me. I remenber the LAST time i decided to attend the doctor. He would first attend my mom , then me. So i came up, and he started his usual talks, and i wanted to talk to him that day about the nightmares i was having and if he could help me. And all of a suddent he cut the conversation off by saying “ ah wait so your mother tells be you have been staying a lot of time on your computer “ “ that you dont socialize with your friends and that you dont go out “ I mean i wonder why i get stuck in my pc and dont go out with my friends LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL She would always cut me off from meeting my friends, she would always control me, so i had less interest or courage to make friends year by year. And gaming was the only thing that brought me joy in my shitty depressed life coz i couldnt develop any interests. -Withholding affection. They won’t touch you, not even to hold your hand or pat you on the shoulder. They may refuse sexual relations to punish you or to get you to do something. She wil straight up give me the cold shoulder, ignore me if she is mad because i didnt do something how she wanted. When i had hand surgery, she refused to go with me, or get me. By me it was ok , she didnt need to go or anything. So after surgery i told the doctors i would take myself home, and why. And they didnt allowe me and still called my mom even thought i told them she wouldnt. She treated me so badly after picking me up from the hospital because they called her. -Tuning you out. They’ll wave you off, change the subject, or just plain ignore you when you want to talk about your relationship. Yup -Actively working to turn others against you. They’ll tell co-workers, friends, and even your family that you’re unstable and prone to hysterics. YUP -Calling you needy. When you’re really down and out and reach out for support, they’ll tell you you’re too needy or the world can’t stop turning for your little problems. YUP -Interrupting. You’re on the phone or texting and they get in your face to let you know your attention should be on them. Yup -Indifference. They see you hurt or crying and do nothing. Yup - Disputing your feelings. Whatever you feel, they’ll say you’re wrong to feel that way or that’s not really what you feel at all. Yup

#domestic violence #domestic abuse #suicide #depression #anxiety #toxic #toxic mother #toxic behaviour #toxic family #self #toughts #end my life #misery #pain #trauma #end my fucking life #end my existence #end my pain #end my misery

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alanajacksontx · 7 years

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How to create the perfect 404 page

Optimizing your 404 page is unlikely to top your list in terms of digital marketing priorities. However, it’s not something you should overlook or try to rush – especially if your site is frequently changing URLs.

404s (…or four zero fours if you’re in the military) are just another marketing tool – if made correctly.

What is a 404

Impact of 404s on SEO

What are Soft 404s

Helping your user

Reporting 404s in Google Analytics

Making it fun!

What is a 404?

A 404 is the response code that should be provided by your web server when a user attempts to access a URL that no longer exists/never existed or has been moved without any form of redirection. At a HTTP level the code is also followed by the reason phrase of ‘Not Found’.

It’s important to realize that DNS errors are a totally different kettle of fish and occur when the domain has not been registered or where DNS has been misconfigured. There is no web server to provide a response – see below:

If you’re looking to pass time or have a penchant for intellectual self-harm you may enjoy this list of HTTP status codes, where you can discover the mysterious difference between a 301 and a 308…

Impact of 404s on SEO

We can’t all be blessed with the foresight to develop a well-structured and future-proof site architecture first time around. 404s will happen – whether it’s a new site being tweaked post-launch or a full-blown migration with URL changes, directory updates and a brand spanking new favicon! In themselves, 404s aren’t an issue so long as the content has in fact been removed/deleted without an adequate replacement page.

However, if a URL has links from an external site then you should always consider a redirect to the most appropriate page, both to maintain any equity being passed but also to ensure users who click the link aren’t immediately confronted with a potentially negative experience on your site.

What are soft 404s?

Soft 404s occur when a non-existent page returns a response code other than 404 (not found) or the lesser known 410 (gone). They also happen when redirects are put in place that aren’t relevant such as lazily sending users to the homepage or where there is a gross content mismatch from the requested URL and the resulting redirect. These are often confusing for both users and search engines, and are reported within Google Search Console.

Helping the user

Creating a custom 404 page has been all the rage for a number of years, as they can provide users with a smile, useful links or something quite fun (more on this later). Most importantly, it’s crucial that you ensure your site’s 404s aren’t the end of the road for your users. Below are some handy tips for how to improve your 404 page.

Consistent branding

Don’t make your 404 page an orphan in terms of design. Ensure you retain any branding so that users are not shocked into thinking they may be on the wrong site altogether.

Explanation

Make sure you provide users with some potential reasons as to why they are seeing the error page. Stating that the page ‘no longer exists’ etc can help users to understand that the lovely yellow raincoat they expected to find hasn’t actually been replaced by a browser-based Pacman game…

Useful links

You should know which are the most popular pages or directories on your site. Ensure your 404 page includes obvious links to these above the fold so that (coupled with a fast site) users will find the disruption to their journey to be minimal.

There’s a strong chance that a user landing on a 404 page will know why they were on your site; whether for jeans, graphic design or HR software, their intent is likely set. Providing them with a quick search box may enable them to get back on track – this can be useful if you offer a very wide range of services that can’t be covered in a few links.

Reporting

Providing users with the ability to report the inconvenience can be a great way for you to action 404s immediately, especially if the button can be linked to the most common next step in a user’s journey. For example: “Report this page and get back to the shop!”

Turn it into a positive

Providing a free giveaway of a downloadable asset (by way of an apology) is a great way to turn an otherwise-disgruntled user into a lead. By providing a clear CTA and small amount of data capture, you can help to chip away at those inbound marketing goals!

Reporting 404s in Google Analytics

Reporting on 404s in Google Analytics couldn’t be easier. While in many cases your CMS will have plugins and modules that provide this service, GA can do it without much bother. The only thing you’ll need is the page title from your 404 page. In the case of Zazzle this is ‘Page not found | Zazzle Media’.

The screenshot below contains all the information needed. Simply navigate to Customization > Custom Reports > Add New within your GA console.

Title: The name of the custom report

Name: Tabs within the report (you only need one in this case)

Type: Set to Explorer

Metric Groups: Enter ‘Site Usage’ and add in Unique Page Views (to track occurrences per page) and Bounce Rate (to measure how effective your custom 404 page is).

Dimension Drilldowns: Page > Full Referrer (to track where the visit came from if external)

Filters: Include > Page Title > Exact > (your 404 page title)

Views: Select whichever views you want this on (default to all if you’re unsure)

Save and return to Customization > Custom Reports, then click the report you just made. You’ll be presented with a list of pages that match your specified criteria. Simply alter your data range to suit and then export and start mapping any redirects required.

You may wish to use Google Search Console for reporting on 404s too. These can be found under Crawl > Crawl Errors. It’s always worth running these URLs through a tool such as Screaming Frog or Sitebulb to confirm that the live URL is still producing a 404. Exporting these errors is limited to ~1000 URLs; as such, you’ll need to Export > Mark as Fixed > Wait 24hrs > Repeat.

Making a fun 404 page

Some of the best 404 pages throw caution to the wind, ignore best practice and either leverage their brand/character to comical effect or simply go all out and create something fun and interactive. Let’s face it, there is no better way to turn a bad situation (or Monday morning) into something positive than with a quick game of Space Invaders!

The below examples are just a few popular brands that have a great ‘404 game’.

Lego

It was always going to be on the cards that Lego would have something quirky up their tiny plastic sleeves, and while the page lacks ongoing links it provides a clear visual representation of the disconnect between the content you expected and what you’re getting.

Kualo

Behind every great website, there’s a great host. Kualo have taken their very cost-focused industry and made a fun and interactive game for users who happen across a 404 page.

Bit.ly

If there’s one site that has its URLs copy and pasted more than any other (and often incorrectly) it’s bit.ly. With over 1.2 billion backlinks from over 1.8 million referring domains I reckon there will be a few 404s…don’t you?

Blizzard

Ding! I’ve naturally lost count of how many times it’s given ‘Grats’ – Blizzard’s quirky 404 gives tribute to the commonly-uttered phrase seen in chat boxes across all their games.

Github

It only seems fitting that one of the geekiest corners of the internet be served with an equally geeky 404 page. Github’s page is unique because there is actually a dedicated URL for this design which has over 520 referring domains itself! Not to mention their server error page is equally as cool.

Summary

Hopefully the information detailed in this article has provided you with a great strategy to leverage your 404 page as a content marketing asset or simply to improve the experience for your user. We’d love to see any creative 404 pages you come up with.

from IM Tips And Tricks https://searchenginewatch.com/2017/09/12/how-to-create-the-perfect-404-page/ from Rising Phoenix SEO https://risingphxseo.tumblr.com/post/165257736380

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in-paradox-space · 7 years

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i didnt really spell or read through this

i just typed what i was thinking

and maybe ill read it again in a few years

you dont have to.

you wont really get anything out of it

so this is my blog and i just wanted to post this somewhere

i met a girl last night

and I quite like her

i feel an infatuation for her, even now

she left at 8am, i didnt hug her before she left i mumbled a goodbye

it was pretty shallow

its been 15 hours since then.

its sad to think ill eventually move on.

i dont know why, i didnt expect I would, but i do really like her

and these are really basic feelings

a scenario everybody is in

i feel like i should acknowledge this should be embarrassing for me

to feel such basic mainstream feelings

but why should that be embarrassing

am I above anybody else who feels basic feelings for situations we all end up in?

these feelings have been let out countless times, every single day, by countless masses

why should I bother to say the same things as everybody else in slightly different words?

I can’t stop thinking about her

I think she already has somebody

I don’t think she’s into me

far from it

she did some coce but I dont really touch it

I feel like if I do it once the seal will be broken

and I’ll end up throwing my money away and buying coce for everybody to share

I don’t even feel like it should be spelled that way. ‘Coke’ feels more natural.

I’d really like it if she liked me.

but I’ve felt that way about girls before

when I realize they do like me, I kind of back off and avoid them

this is probably the best relationship we will ever have

me seeing her maybe once every now and then whenever I destroy my brain cells with friends

just affectionately toying with the idea of me and her getting along

when im high with my friends, I can tell them all I love them and hug them

and its cool

thats just what we all do, and we know its because were really high

but I couldnt do that with her

although I did only just meet her that night

I was very self aware around her

it would be nice if she didnt already have a boyfriend

and idk

its not like i would want a relationship though

I know i would feel trapped within days

so why do I believe I want that before I get stuck into it?

shes depressed man

that will get annoying to me after a while

and she talks a lot

when the pedestal gets lower

I will eventually be less and less interested in what she has to say

she will get clingy

and need more and more love

I will have less and less to give

this is really fucking shallow

it will ultimately be bad

this is currently the best it will ever be

feeling affection from afar

unable to clear my mind of her

just hoping to be around her more

it feels much more warm and hopeful to want to be with her

if she expressed any interest in me, I’d lose my interest in her.

why is that?

Do I think of her as prey?

she shows flaws, but

I want to say i dont see them as flaws

but what if I do

im overthinking it too much

I told her to do some more ecstasy

she didnt do much

she didnt want to and she was already doing coke

my other friend was doing everything, but hes just a machine

some organic mechanism which filters lethal drugs into nourishment

he never drinks water and eats maybe 4 slices of toast a day

i dont know how he does it but his skin is always glowing and he looks great

his health is pretty bad but hes been living this way for maybe 2 years

hes achieved unhuman things.

he also fucked her once

which may or may not have been in the air

and i think she didnt want to do any more ecstasy because she didnt want to be vulnerable

and i think a part of me wanted her to be more susceptible

it isnt really something I wanted to admit

I know that its really really easy to find this blog

not for friends and family

but it is generally easy to find it, and anybody can find it

but im not going to branch off into that

this is just where I try to be honest

and admit the things people would otherwise try not to admit to themselves

i cant remember how to describe it

but im working my way on a path to detach myself from my ego

i dont know if detatch or dissociate is the right word

im aware why i should still have an ego

but i just dont want my ego to take over who i am

i feel, if i have more control over my ego, i wont be as held back by self awareness and fear associated with my sense of self

this way there will be less things holding me back

because I look deep down at the source of a lot of my problems

and fear(or anxiety, which comes under fear anyway) is one of the sources of most or all of them

i dont have examples to mind right now

but being honest has generally helped me in many ways

now im trying to be more honest

to myself and to others, about myself

my true intentions for doing things

looking deep within and questioning if im really being honest with myself

how i truly feel

because really, ive realized, im trying to prove things even to myself

on a level of thought

its nice

different points in time are connected with different points in time and the spaces i was in in that time

and other components of the universe which are connected to those times

i dont know what those components are

subatomic thought and vibrations type shit

i should also point out i dont erase the things I type, as I type them

I just leave them there.

for authenticity or something along those lines

for the whole ego thing

and I feel a little better after letting this out here

because i no longer feel like im avoiding the thoughts of her

and ive said these things somewhere

so when im dead and gone, it will always be possible for humanity to know I thought these thoughts at some point

why is that comforting?

I will be fine if we dont get together

i do hope there will be less awkward tension though

my friends, who invited her over, made it out like she was trying to get us together

and that made me sort of nervous

and then i think somewhere along the way, she didnt want that

and why would she? she has no idea who i am

and idk man, shits awkward

they told her i said she was cute, when they was inviting her

but like, I never saw her until i met her

so that was a lie

and i think that just added to the tension

and i think they suggested we hookup as a one night stand

and i think we was both really uncomfortable with that idea

and worrying about if the other person wanted that or really didnt want that

fuckin

it is awkward

but i dont really mind right now

as she came down from the coke

we lay in bed at 7am

very sleepily talking about anything

we watched a show

its very irrational, i think it stems from paranoia but im not going to mention the specific shows and shit

it also doesnt feel irrational in my head

its not worth questioning anymore

i was slowly starting to hear the pleasant voices and feel the regret accompanied with ecstasy comedowns

we spoke about music

jazz

i dont know a fucking thing about jazz but i do like it

because i know how much it influences other genres

the same way hiphop and rock influence other genres

and i like how its less about the specific timings and keys

more about feeling as you play

it could be an illusion but i think you can feel that in a lot of similar music

and she was edging towards doing another key

but she had to be sober for something later that day

its still unbelievable people spend that much on coke

is it worth it?

its hard to tell

it lasted quite long considering there was 3 using it and how much they spent

but if they did it regularly it probably wouldnt have been so great

and she seemed to feel worse and worse

more, just unhappy as the morning went on

and there was some awkwardness between us

but it still felt nice to be around her

and again

this is really fucking shallow

it would be nice if they didnt try to set us up with each other

i think we couldve chilled with less tension

and MD makes me very paranoid

whenever im in another room i feel like theyre saying my name when theyre talking to each other

and its unlikely they are

but what if they

theres always that chance

i think it will be nice to see her again, but start the night at the same time

without being fuckfaced

and know each other as friends

and just be able to hang out

and yeah, whether i do or dont lose interest

both ways will work out fine if we can get along

because she was pretty chill

and when im high, or coming down and irritable

i think ill happily listen to her talk for hours and hours

we can play more games together

i can see how everything goes with her

maybe we will talk about this one night

and finally know what we was both thinking

i do care what she was thinking

i dont know if she was interested in what i was thinking

she did have some flaws

so does everyone

those flaws would eventually make me unhappy in a relationship

id eventually be unhappy in a relationship with anybody

but maybe when were high we can do some regretful shit

if she did have a boyfriend

i think i heard she did at one point but it wasnt really confirmed

i hope that shit goes well

theyre probably more suited for each other

and i dont know what this is

or why at all im interested in her

i just never never ever ever am around girls now that i think about it

the last time I was around a girl was stupidly long ago

I dont even think it was 2017

and that day i didnt spend the whole day alone with her

ive basically been with guys this whole time

or just nobody

ive spent stupidly long amounts of times just alone, or with my dad

because i moved to the middle of nowhere for a while

i was only with my dad and his thot gf

i genuinely dont remember the last time i spent a day alone with a female

wow

I guess there was one girl

i dont remember if it was 2015 or 16

she was ginger

and she was into gingers

and we did rly like each other

i made myself pathetic around her

almost to suggest thats a desirable trait

and the moment we eventually kissed

it was awkward

and was not enjoyable

and we both lost interest in each other at that point

i think it was late 2015, i remember it being cold

but i was with blake late 2015

so it mustve been early 2015

wow

ive been around girls after then

but it was just with other friends

and i have wanted to fuck them

but ive not really felt like this

i didnt want to fuck

i just wanted to stare at her tattoos

and her hair

and talk

and i just hope to spend another day with her

even if i dont

it doesnt matter

the world will keep spinning

i will keep living

until i die

and she will be happy with her boyfriend or she will find someone else

and do something else

and eventually die

and humanity will eventually die

and the world will keep spinning

until something big enough to stop it from spinning crosses paths with it

and the universe will eventually entropy into a complete balance

and everything that was done would have been done

and it will be final

its really shallow

but i like thinking about her anyway

and i like this feeling

and its like i dont want to stop typing this

because then im choosing not to feel like this

and i might miss a detail

and i will eventually forget that detail

and i want to read this back in years and remember everything

i hope she is doing okay in those years to come

and it will be nice if we still get along in those years to come

and if we are both healthy

and doing well

it would be nice

and again, its really fucking shallow.

but i am human

i am designed this way

and its nice to think about her

and knowing there is a good chance i will see her again

and be able to play games with her again

and get high with her again

and listen to her music again

it gives me something to look forward to

and im gonna leave you with that

#personal #long text post #relationships #i did some heavy drugs last night and im kind of fucked #i guess thats my drugs tag now

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