#its a really stressful and tiring thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pheonix-inside · 2 years

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Uh oh I made such a fuss about not wanting to pursue professional theatre after highschool but now... It's looking tempting again........ Oh god.

Warning for a rant in the tags lol

#am i only a sophomore so i really dont need to be thinking about this?#yeah #but from ages 9-14 my plan was to pursue theater #but come freshman year i had a bit of a breakdown and wasn't sure what i wanted to do anymore #tbh my ideal job is twitch streaming/youtube but that probably wont happen. at the very least im not gonna count on it #but theater. i could do that. im good at it. just not sure if i wanna do it #its a really stressful and tiring thing #and ive just done school theater and summer camp stuff #so i can imagine professional grown-up theater #based on my drama teacher's stories. its a lot.#idk if i have the energy or ability to do that. especially considering my neurodivergence makes stuff complicated.#like sensory issues executive functioning emotional dysregulation etc etc etc #adult me will be able to cope better than teenage me but. idk.#i mean i could try it out and see how i like it. go to college for it or something like that. but those programs are so competitive #i dont wanna take a spot from someone who could actually do something when i just wanna try it but am hoping to be an internet CC #am i overthinking it maybe yeah probably #but im constantly surrounded by the seniors in the drama club who are flipping their shit over college apps bc of how competitive it gets #ok ramble over thanks for listening tumblr #my mom isn't home so i cant talk her ear off #so y'all get my thoughts

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moeblob · 2 months

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I am really tired of a situation rn.

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet!#anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine #can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 !#why am i getting your insurance company calling me today !#also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp #and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene #so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth #literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic #i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck!#im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like #bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved #cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered #idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy #got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam #and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified #there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them #and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious #its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

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pcktknife · 4 months

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#being suicidal without wanting to die is the worst thing in the world. my curious nature keeps me alive cause I need to know what #happens next despite the loop but I really am so tired and ive noticed how it gets more difficult for me to enjoy and do things #im not confined to my bed but i sleep alot more and i never leave my room and im just here now im just here.#i wont let that kill me so theres nothing to worry about but its is stressful to have the thoughts every now and again #annoying at best stressful at worst #im only thinking like this cause its reallyyy lateill be better in the am going to bed now niiiite <3 #kae.txt

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zebratimw · 10 months

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#svsss #scum villains self saving system #shang qinghua #how I be feeling these days ahdnfjgkg #I keep stressing about life in general and its seriously bumming me out hajdjg #how nice it would be to not exist #everyday I wake up and do the same things I hate #time hasn't felt real in years and it goes way before covid times #I haven't felt real in most of those years either #Look I'm lucky I'm not like depressed or whatever but frankly this derealization shit is seriously startin to get a little worrying at times #tbf I only really notice it recently so maybe its just a bias #I've been chugging along this way for years all thats changed is my perception of it #but at the same time I really want to do more too #I get I'm a very boring and unreliable person #and I know I just said its my perception of it but like I do genuinely think my social skills my general living just like me mentally ig #I'm kinda deteriorating in my stagnation ig? artistically too but more worrying in my life idbfjg #priorities sorry anyways I also think I do have adhd or something and that rejection thing dhfjgjg I really can't start things anymore #idk I really just feel so clueless in most things now and I'm too scared or too confused or both to start fixing things #like how do I even fix things? what do I even search for in this kind of thing?#Idk I'm just gonna go sleep ig god I'm so tired of everything #I haven't been able to draw I've really lost passion for a lot of things again and everything irritates me #I can't stand my phone sometimes but it's kinda the only thing getting me through it all ha #ngl I wish I were depressed sometimes if only so I'd actually have the balls to do smth but Ik that's just the Metnally Ail part speaking so #chug chug going along #I also have to make wushi before I die. haha #god my life is so empty #what am I even doing #I'm really so tired why can't my life end here already? modern lifespans are too long how am I supposed to keep going on like this?#so pointless and vapid and its just me ? why did it have to be me that was born? couldn't someone else have been here I hate it here so much #I strive for nothing but I have such a long life and so many people to disappoint haha maybe I should go outside more

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opens-up-4-nobody · 16 days

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#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan #i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch #shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else #even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress #but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside #academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project #i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send #myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it #but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or #maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something #just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there #it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so #tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing #ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position #and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle #sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux #i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices #even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it #unrelated

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guinevereslancelot · 1 month

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job interview tomorrow 🙏

#working interview as an assistant prek teacher #i know kids are exhausting but its the only thing i have relevant experience in #and im tired of being rejected from every office job i apply to i need a job even if it pays 12 dollsrs an hour lol #anyway they'll pay for continuing education and the phone interview went really well #i think it seems like a nice place with nice people and she said she wouldn't start me at the bottom of the pay scale #so i might get more than i think #still probably not going to top sixteen an hour but its something #they called me in for prek even tho i didn't apply for that i applied for infant toddler teacher bc i have no relevant education #just lots of volunteer work with kids #but she said that one was taken and would i consider this one i didn't think i was qualified for so thats a good sign #and she seemed really nice #and the location is good its like a 17 minute drive and not too hard of a drive either #just one tricky turn #anyway #all job interviews fill me with impending doom and dread #even tho i interview pretty well i think i just never have the relevant experience to get the job lol #but this time it seems more likely #i have anotherdaycare job that literally pays twelve dollars an hour that wants to schedule an interview as well 😬#but hopefully i get this one #the other one is closer but doesn't seem like as nice of a place to work tbh #anyway im so stressed!!#i took a sleeping pill which i may regret #i never take one before an interview bc im afraid i'll be super sleepy and tired and not want to get up and be less sharp at the interview #but then i NEVER manage to sleep the night before which i decided is worse lol #so hopefully that doesn't backfire #goodnight ❤️

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soldier-poet-king · 5 months

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U know when u reach that point of mentally unwell that it's like, u realize it's stupid and dumb and your (mal)adaptive coping mechanisms and inbuilt trauma responses aren't helpful and aren't logical and you're complete aware of this and yet can't eradicate it and it's so frustrating and in some way you're more upset about not being able to force ur brain into being normal and stop being Like That, than you are upset about whatever thing happened in the first place

#the duality of fran #anyway yes yes i know im tired and stressed and its winter #and all these things mean all my bad brain stuff harder to cope with #and all my yucky bad maladaptive mechanisms come back #and its stupid and dumb and i cant fix it overnight. or really ever. and YET #im just. gonna throw myself into reading and video games i guess. keep myself distracted #i could have healthier routines but its really fuckin hard to be consistent with anything #when im living with my parents and not much is actually within my control #when it comes to routine and living arrangement and such. its uh....#real difficult to assert autonomy and control and break hurtful patterns of behaviour when living in the space #& w the ppl who caused those problems in the first place yknow #how can i stop hiding and ppl pleasing and acting like a hollow shell of a fake person #when all of that was developed specifically to protect myself emotionally from these ppl #did it work??? NO. sometimes it feels like it didnt even preserve a tiny core of me #whatever the me that existed before. or was supposed to exist. just. is gone. never was #ik ik dont think of unlived lives theyre not real theres no alternate version of urself #but maybe...there is....and that fran is so much better

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v-anrouge · 2 months

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i am not beating the bpd allegations

#I am still gonna be on break #i talked to my friend who has bpd and like urfh its hard to process i may have it #my mom and brother have it so it shouldn't be a surprise but it is and it's really fucking me up #i idk im still hoping this is like just a moment thing maybe it's hormones or whatever #maybe it's just college stress???#idfk #I am tired #Im sorry for everyone ive mistreated i need to be put down desperately

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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This might not be anything, but while writing about your fics, the way you have the characters' mannerisms down PERFECTLY got me thinking about mirroring...

There's a lot of it in 7 (Horii is a directorial genius etc etc), most of it more intentional than these probably are, but there's something so interesting about mirroring that takes the tone of a (relatively) fond memory, a familiar gesture, and inverts it in the way shown here.

OH I'M GLAD YOU'VE NOTICED THESE TOO I think I mentioned it months back (or I drafted a post 'bout it but didn't think it was anything noteworthy) but I always really did like how the Arakawa Family mimicked each other's mannerisms (also circling back to how Jo and Masato calling Ichiban 'Ichi' presumably after picking it up from Arakawa)!

Aoki actually does the same sitting gesture too! I went back to double check and skim through the rest of the game's cutscenes, and as far as I could tell unless I skipped a scene, it really is only these three that do this specific pose:

It's such a small detail but I love it immensely and it really does highlight their connections with each other and it drives me insane

#snap chats #the fact aoki holds his left fist with his right like jo..... im gonna be sick... (crying)#potential hints that aoki really does favor jo and/or spends more time with him... or i might be delirious. could be both even..#focusing on how jo mimics arakawa though i dont think i have to say i love how it is inverted intention wise #like of course in arakawa's situations he's in a position where he's helping ichi and speaking calmly with him #while with jo Evidently each interaction is more tense and antagonistic #really is a cool way to emphasize that whole 'step parent' angle if that makes sense #OH BUT THANK YOU ON MY WRITING that's a huge compliment: i'm glad you think i have their mannerisms down !#accuracy is a big thing to me... in case we haven't picked that up yet.... i should relax a little tbh--#BUT i'd like to think my brain's good at visualizing things and i think i've 'studied' enough to get an acceptable result in what i show #it's like... if i can't see it in my head clearly or it doesn't look right then i wanna keep trying until it DOES look right yk #dont want a Hello Kitty Wouldnt Do Xanax moment... only on occasion.... a lil xanax wouldnt hurt as long as its not too far gone ☠️#alright im. DELIRIOUS.#to end this off i watched the first episode of Sailor Suit and Machine Gun !#my japanese is. HORRENDOUS BUT the art of inference and context clues and stray knowledge got me through it #i'm excited to watch the next episode even if i'm only really getting half the impact from the dialogue #BUT THE FEELING'S THERE... the emotion's there #embarrassingly i almost cried when izumi was crying in the theater over her dad while she was eating cause like Girl Me Too ☠️☠️#ill go one day without mentioning my dad i promise... todays not that day tho ☠️#IN ANY CASE. thank you for droppin the episodes on me !! i can't stress never tiring of having new things to watch #ill watch the next episode tonight probably. i was gonna go out to get lunch buuuut my moms home #so there goes that plan.. at least my bro got me food while /he/ went out today lmao

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diaryofellen · 1 year

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#for now im tired. running a tumblr poll tournament takes an unexpected emotional toll #thank you so much again to everyone who voted in the first round!!!!!!! i really love rpg maker games #and its nice to see people getting excited about them in a way i havents seen for a while.#its a bit stressful to an extent (again please do not bring up creator controversy too much..#and dont defend creators just cuz you like their characters...that was a bizzarely stressful thing to see in the tags)#(and also im really sorry to anyone who has post notifications on and just #gets me talking about dumb stuff and being slightly annoying. -__-; i know i should probably ramble on this blog less.)#the witchs diary #people have been very nice to me and im glad. im very sorry if my talking ruins the blog a bit but im happy people are enjoying the polls

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pankomako · 10 months

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dude i swear if i actually make gang's bay a real show and i write a joke about being trans people are gonna be like "this is incredibly offensive to trans people" and im gonna have to come out and be like "yall im literally a trans person writing myself im just having a laugh why cant you too"

like seriously where's the line between a joke poking fun for laughs and a joke that's actually offensive? i feel like that's a little bit subjective dontcha think

#sorry i literally cant stop thinking about this #i think we need to learn how to laugh at our own imperfections and just our attributes in general #even when they're being joked about from an outside perspective #people laugh at italian stereotypes and little german boy and conservative cartoons actively trying to offend queer people #oh but when a guy known to make fun of autistics makes a video making fun of 20-years-old european music suddenly thats bad #i feel like this ties into the whole idea of critical thinking too. which people are actively getting worse at on all sides #people need to learn to lighten up. not everything needs to either be 'safe to enjoy' or 'actively avoid this bad thing because its bad'#i actively watch helluva boss despite all the controversy around it. i dont give a fuck it's a funny show about hell whatever #i've been trying to avoid saying it because i was afraid people would block me about it. personally i dont have an opinion on the drama #it's just. swagever dude! im so tired of controversy over media actually what the fuck ever i dont care #there's an episode of clone high where they have a REALLY stereotyped charicature of adhd. i watch it anyway bc it's silly #are people boycotting the new spiderverse over the alleged stress workers faced? doesnt fucking seem like it!#idk maybe im just stubborn. or people REALLY need to grow thicker skin and lighten up #there is almost ALWAYS gonna be problems with something you like. learn to not give a shit and have fun anyway

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silouvertongues · 2 months

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love to do research on my little chronic condition every few weeks just to see that everyone says i need to not be stressed or anxious bc that makes it worse but the more i read about it and what i need to do to Manage it the more stressed i get 😁

#its been 5 years when will i figure this shit out man #Nothing works im sick and tired #eat this but dont eat this and exercise but not That exercise but also drink this and actually these things probably wont work #bc theres not enough research so no one really knows anything yayyyyy #oh also dont forget that this one condition might lead to like 5 other ones so you need to do These things to prevent those #and DONT FORGET you'll be depressed and suicidal and anxious like all the time BUT DONT GET STRESSED BC THAT MAKES IT WORSE 😁😁😁#like what the Fuck.....

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valeechtine · 3 months

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It really is like such an experience to feel like you should be shot in the streets like a rabid dog but like you still need to do the dishes and make appointments bc you're committed to seeing this through

#Like life is too beautiful to kill myself but its also like jesus christ how am I supposed to keep up with it all #when things have been as bad as they are. Like I just sort of have to but god I wish I didn't yknow #Like I'll be fine this is just a rough patch but ughhhh I feel like Atlas #I just wish I had a quick fix to stop feeling this way I knownthat its a vicious cycle of the circumstances making my mental state worse #so I have more episodes which then makes the circumstances worse but like I am tires of the episodes.#I just want to go back to being the fun upbeat silly one again it is very stressful having to be some wet pathetic animal #And its wholly unfair how this is then affecting those around me due to my inability to really hide how bad this is #and how these episodes are leading to having irrational unfair thoughts about people so its like pleaaaaaase #please just let me go back to being a silly jester having fun I beg of thee.#Like I'll be fine but in the meantime this suuuuuucks #negative

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sleepless-crows · 10 days

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#ive already been stressing and worrying so much over the college entrance exams #school is already so tiring and takes so much from me and i have to study for something else too that i should prioritize as much #i keep worrying that i wont make it. theres so much things to study and half of them i forgot and the other half ive never learned before #and if i want to go to this college with free tuition i have to study extra hard #two of my cousins got accepted there. but it was during the pandemic and the college only looked at their grades. there wasnt a test #and everyone expects me to get in too. because i always get good grades. they dont worry about me #but im worrying so hard and i need help #and my mom who always helped me with school growing up. she told me i really wont get in if i keep on being like this #she thinks i dont care about it and so she scolded me and reaffirms every doubtful thought ive been having #and i dont have an older sibling to ask advice from. most of my friends make me feel awful when i talk about my doubts of my future #and its just so hard and im so scared #and i dont know what to do i never know what to do and everyone beats me up for that but i dont know anything #and im so scared

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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months

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#woof. if all goes to plan Tomorrow is the last day i have to take measurements forever. if all goes to plan. if all goes to plan. but im #not holding my breath bc thats asking for chaos. i think this week ive done a good job of not pushing it #in terms of not torturing myself and making myself insane. which is good bc its exhausting taking measurements with the ambient stress of #apartment hunting from across the country. ive toured 2 places from afar and applied to them. and im meeting with someone to talk abt #potentially being roommates tomorrow. which is terrifying bc i really just wanna beg them like pls pls like me so i can stop looking pls #like i have to rely on my charisma i guess when im a bit asocial and odd. not unlikable but idk maybe they want someone more normie idk #its exhausting. ive sent so many emails and so many places r like no u gotta physically visit. ugh #and i have to clean my whole apartment by Tuesday for my landlord to inspect bc i had to give them a 30 day notice or else they wouldn't #release my info for like referal on background checks. there should b flexibility in when i can leave tho. its just stressful #at least im doing this when im pretty stable and i stop taking measurements tomorrow but i haven't taken a break since last Saturday #and haven't really had time to properly draw which annoys me and apparently i wont get a break this weekend with all the cleaning i gotta do #but oh well. at least im better off than the other person i kno who is moving Tuesday across the country and currently doesnt have a place #to stay. so i guess theyre gonna b living out of their car for a while. im stressed enough a month out from leaving #sigh. im just v tired and my heart is beating too fast and i wanna start cleaning now but im sleepy #whenever we go sampling we joke that we have to make sacrifices to the weather gods for good conditions. i guess i gotta make sacrifices #to the housing gods 🙏 ugh. pls. i dont wanna still b doing this for another week when i wont have time bc ill actually have to focus on #things. ugh. cant wait to b in the future where i dont have to deal with this #unrelated

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heavensmortuary · 1 year

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Pray for me please lmao

#krakens croaks #hell world (my job)#im really tired of being stressed out at work every damn day #feels like im constantly being judged and scrutinized over EVERY single thing i do and its stuff i cant even control. unlivablw

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