#i keep worrying that i wont make it. theres so much things to study and half of them i forgot and the other half ive never learned before

[sleepless-crows]

.

[ppnuggie]

　　　　　　TFP CONS x gn human reader

　　　　『　megatron ,, starscream ,, soundwave ,, knockout ,, breakdown ,, shockwave ,, dreadwing ,, steve ,, insecticons / hardshell ,, predaking ,, gender neutral human reader 』

　　-> would you love me if i was a worm 💔💔

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack

　　— some goofy stuff

megatron -

• he wouldnt ,, hes so done with your shit he just glares at you from his position

• " if you turn into a worm ill drop you out the window " - his exact words

• if youre able to be turned into a worm he wouldn't love you anymore ,, he'd leave you outside in freefall instead of keeping you

• hes tired man ,, hes in a war and youre asking goofy questions

starscream -

• he just gives you a look of disgust and that's enough said

• he wouldnt but he would keep you ,, just at a distance

• as long as you wont inch your wormy body towards him ,, he couldnt care less

soundwave -

• his visor displays a frowning emoji ,, before picking you up in his tendrils

• he shakes his helm yes ,, and shows a small terrarium enclosure ,, which you take as what you would live in

• its nice to know that he has a backup plan in case that does happen ,, if it even does that is

knockout -

• he'll give out a small laugh and when he realizes the question is serious he shuts up and stares at you

• aint no way mann ,,

• he'll give a sigh and says he'll see what he would do but no guarantees about anything

• at least hes making an effort to try yknow

breakdown -

• hes so sad :(( ,, he doesnt want you to turn into a worm ,, its already hard enough to not harm you in any way as it is

• and if you turn into a worm then itll be even more difficult

• he'll still love you though ,, he says ,, he'll find a way to change you back into a human

• he'll make you a little worm house and take such good care of you ,, he promises you that

shockwave -

• interesting question ,, though the possibilities for that to even happen are low ,, yet not impossible

• his fins twitch as he thinks about it ,, his optic glowing brighter the more he thinks on it

• he says it would depend ,, really

• if youre alive he will try to find a way to return you to your state ,, but if you happen to die ,, theres not really much he can do there

• it would also be a great opportunity to study minimalistic organisms on this planet

dreadwing -

• hes not entirely sure on what a worm is ,, but he assures you there is nothing to worry about

• he will still love you no matter what ,, he wont stop just because you happen to be turned into something else

• in his processor worms are big creatures that are scary ,, not little dirt creatures that wiggle around

• dont tell him that

steve -

• he most definitely will ,, he'll find a way to keep you in his habsuite and get the things you'd need

• he'll pet you gently and be mindful of his actions and where he walks

• he'll take you on trips and stuff and make sure you wont dry out in the sun

• he'll still love you if youre a worm

predaking -

• he's not sure what worms are either but he wouldnt change his mind all the sudden

• you're his significant other ,, his beloved ,, his mate

• why wouldnt he love you ? even if it means you've been cursed to a different form

• he'll probably pester shockwave about changing you back too

hardshell / insecticons -

• he would be sooo confused yet he wouldnt deny that the question is strange

• because of the hive mind ,, theyd all know about the question

• still doesnt make them think any different of you

• they'll still love you anyways ,, so no worries there

[gh-0st-y]

Hello! Do you do multiple characters? If so can I ask for general dating headcanons for riddle, ace, and deuce? Thank you!

OMG??? OFC POOKIE YES YES!! RIDDLE, ACE N DEUCE HEADCANONS COMIN UR WAY ♡ IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY TO THIS

— I'll be Lovin' you!

General Relationship Headcanons

content ; riddle, ace, deuce x gn!reader (separate)

tw : none !! hope you enjoy, dear ♡

Riddle Rosehearts

• it was quite a sudden change for riddle - i mean, hed gone all his life, not a single relationship, with his mother practically breathing down his neck, rules upon rules - he..really wasnt prepared in the slightest

• but ever since dating you, and taking that leap?? oh, he wouldnt change a thing..

• whenever he sees you - in class looking out the window bored out of your mind, talking with your first year friend group, studying in the library, or sat by his side with a cup of tea in your hands? oh, he wishes he could look at you all day..he looks at you with so much adoration, he doesnt even realise hes staring, and his heart will swell - it feels like hes almost allergic and sick to this feeling, but the cure is you.

• he 100% lets you get away with a lot. favouritism much? but really, hed let you get away with..a lot, actually - with a light scolding, a hesitant ruffle of your hair, and a chuckle, he'll send you on your way - no punishment! but if it were anyone else (cough ace cough)? off with their head!!

• he always saves a slice of strawberry tart for you no matter what - and if theres no slice left for you? he'll share his - dont worry, he wont collar you for this.

• whenever hes stressed and students are getting on his nerves, he'll usually come to you for help on relaxing his nerves - just give him some cuddles and kisses, he'll be at tip-top shape in no time!

• hes always nervous to kiss you. no matter how many times youve kissed, he'll always get that cute blush that adorns his cheeks and reaches the tips of his ears, and he'll avert his eyes, hands growing clammy - hes so cute.

• he always tries not to get mad at you, but if he does? he'll apologise as fast as possible - hes trying his best, really! youll help him out, wont you? ♡

Ace Trappola

• oh what a menace - ace is always dragging you two into trouble, no matter where you go, and usually it includes deuce as well. hey, this is what you signed up for!

• but ace is hilarious - theres never a moment around him thats sad, with all the horrible jokes and pranks he makes, and his loudness, hes never a bore to be around - he'll always brighten up your day.

• need a good listener? ace is here! sure, he may not look it, but he listens intently to anything - so if you're upset and just need someone to hear you out? hes your guy! or perhaps you saw something you liked, but couldnt buy it - but whats this? a couple months later, the exact thing is in your hands, gifted by ace, who wears an embarrassed blush whilst handing it to you.

• surprisingly hes more mushy than he seems - he loves to have some kind of physical contact with you always. pinky locking, hand holding, arm linking, just a hand on your shoulder, putting a hand on the small of your back to guide you through the hallways, or resting his head against yours, the list goes on forever, he lives for it. it reminds him that youre real and he was able to date you. ace "arm wresting just to hold hands" trappola

• if youre one to be really open with your affections, whew - he loves it, but have mercy on the poor boy, his heart cant handle it, he looks like he might just combust if you keep at it. (dont stop, he loves it a lot (; )

Deuce Spade

• oh spare the poor boy - deuce never expected he could land someone as amazing as you, and considering you know about his past? lady luck is really on his side..

• he tries to treat you as often as he can - he may not be incredibly rich like some in school, but he knows partners like to recieve gifts. but sometimes, he'll ask trey to help him bake you some of your favourite treats, and he'll gift it to you with a wobbly smile and shaky hands. ♡

• he would protect you with his life - literally. hed do anything for you. hed walk through hell and back for you. if anything bad happened to you, hed never forgive himself. maybe thats why he sticks so close to you.

• hes so easily flustered..hes never been in a relationship, so you could surprise hug/kiss him? and hes ascending, heart palpitating, face red, body warm and shaky. hes stuttering out a 'why?' trying to hide his face, but he doesnt want you to stop ^^

• speaking of kisses..deuce always asks to kiss you before you kiss. no matter how many times youve done it, he still gets nervous and wants to make sure you do too. itll always start slow and hesitant, but as he gets comfy, itll become soft and full of love. sweet boy ♡

a/n : AAAA IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY THEM ANON ♡♡♡

[isabelguerra]

boys im gonna be honest i’m deep in my ‘i am never going to post wizard au’ era again both because of The Elephant In The Room and also its so much god damn work. its so much work. im not gonna do that in my free time. so since i know there were people invested in the fic series and worldlore or whatever why dont we just talk about it instead. its got wizards. its got izjo. you wanna hear about the 6 year long wizard izjo slowburn? i can talk for ages about the 6 year long wizard izjo slowburn.

eightfold is a giant spider isabel sneaks into the library when theyre first years but by second year shes gotten too big to keep hiding. isabel tries sneaking out to help her escape but johnny catches her in the act so he gets roped in and it turns into a whole heist sneaks to get eightfold out of the wizard castle unnoticed without getting caught. at midnight. saying bye is bittersweet but on the walk back they start bickering as usual and they hate each other so much but oops oh no wait this is fun. they’re having fun actually. haha get back here. and they get back 2 dorms safe and giggling and shoving each other and its nice and isabel opens up a little bit and says thanks for being there that was super annoying but cough uh. ended up being really nice and shes glad he was there. it was nice not being alone while saying bye to her best friend. so she GUESSES maybe he isnt SO bad or whatever. and then puts the bravado back on and is grinning wide and laughing again and haha oh man did he see that ghost in the corridor with the- but johnny is NOT listening. he is still stuck on ‘i had a nice time being around you’ (<- he is unused to positive reinforcement. he is accustomed to the norm of ‘(i think) people (my friends) like me because im good at exerting myself over others in a way that makes them feel bad but makes us feel good’ and not ‘i enjoyed being around you just for you’) and is not taking it well. also very jarred and offput by the new side of his wizard sport partner, very thrown off kilter. thrown off his groove. they NEVER have good times together. like they dont have BAD times but this has never been like A Thing before but she just said it so now it IS and. okay. maybe he had fun. maybe he DID have fun. and maybe shes good to push against cause she pushes back and maybe he can admire or at least respect the tenacity it takes to do that with him. and maybe it feels cool when that look get in her eye and he knows hes in for a good duel or like shes not looking like that now but this is fine too yknow. like the warm smiling and goofy laughing and dorm fireplace lighting and the tired soft look hes never seen her with before is fine no biggie he doesnt mind. but yes he does hes freaked out. so he bolts and thinks ‘surely that isn’t something i gotta worry about’ and then worries about for the next 6 years

isabel has a tendency to keep even her closest friends a little at bay but unfortunately thats very hard to do when you share a wizard commonroom with a loudmouthed fire hazard who is also your wizard sport partner. so they end up spending a lot of time together thanks to proximity. proximity after about 3 years turns to tentative friendship. tentative friendship after 4 years turns to ‘at the point of late night study sessions draped across each other on the couch because we have shit to do and im not letting you fail because if you do you wont be able to play in the next match and if we lose cause of it im kicking your ass’ (<- ‘i like hanging out with you’). the others come over often but theres only so much time you can spend with someone who is not in your wizard school group versus someone who is and is around you 24/7. so theyre not bffs yes but they might as well be. so one day theyre learning about some idk wizard beast and oops forgot to bow or whatever, johnny gets owned and so ollie&isabel take him 2 the nurse. the catalyst here is isabel knows by now that this is someone she cares about and considers a friend but shes REALLY caught off guard at just how MUCH this is stressing her out. not wizard game related. not in a bickery play way. she doesnt know when she started caring so much, but now she IS and hes someone important to her. and hes hurt. and shes going to stay in this god damn infirmary pacing and foot tapping and doing jumping jacks to get out the energy while her brain goes 100000 miles per second. and she does that for about 4 hours. anyway johnnys fine but even after hes fine isabel is still stuck with the ‘why was That my reaction’ realization. and the answer is she li

6th year max gets his ass thrown in the trio sorcerer championship and literally all his suffering is secondary because this is an izjo au. both their feelings are still there both of them still have no idea what to do with them or how to get them out in normal ass ways. so first night back to school johnny dares everyone to sneak into the woods after curfew and see who lasts longer. hes not 12 anymore but he is 16 which arguably is worse. the bullying has lessened the scoundrelism has amplified. everyone gets terrified. scatters. haha oh its you (record scratch) guess we’re walking around the spooky woods trying to find our friends! gee the atmosphere and flustered skittishness i get around you that makes me uncomfortable because i dont know how to deal with it SURE IS amplified right now! better fall back on familiar tactics and scenarios: friendly frustrated bickering and mild threats of violence. they get in a verbal fight and have a ‘would you shut up’ ‘why dont you make me’ ‘And Then They Kiss’ moment while the emotions are super heightened and isabel, who initiated it, isabel kissed him first, then proceeds to realize what she did and loses her god damn mind freaking out and apologizing while johnny stands there totally frozen and maybe for the first time ever shocked into total speechlessness. and then max falls out of a tree and ollie finds them and ed and rj are with them and sos stephen so theyre like HAHA OKAY GANG ! GREAT DARE ! LETS HEAD BACK NOW ! and johnny lays awake in bed that night kicking his feet in the air

wizard prom in december. they dont go together because theyre idiots and not at that point where asking someone (each other) to wizard prom is something they can do. but they both break away from the crowd at similar times and end up hanging out most of the night, which jsabel gets in trouble with her grandpa for, but before then she has a lot more fun. they ditch the wizard prom hall and go romp around campus and the sports pitch and they Dont Talk About What Happened In September. they dont. its unspoken. if you bring it back up that means its real. oh hey wait hold on whats that. what is that. is that- oh damn its that one plant. with the- yeah its the winter holiday kiss tradition plant. where like if its over you you gotta kiss. yeah like on the mouth. wow that’s crazy. ahahahah damn well yknow it IS the rules so they should probably- cause yknow like, so they, yknow, yeah. yeah like with lips and stuff. man thats sooooo lame and sucky too bad the plant rules say we gotta :/ shoot that sure blows :/ crazy how this world works. cringe. anyway so about that ki- and then max walks in .2 seconds beforehand and ruins the moment and its funny because i like torturing him. max tells ksabel Hey Uh We Gotta Do The Closing Dance Okay Bye. spells broken though and she leaves they do not kiss. but theyre both left with the knowledge that the other person WANTED to enough that they were willing to exploit a cliche social tradition just to find an excuse for it.

im so tired i keep fading jn and out of consciousness writing this. isabels wizard fear monster (franciso) fucks her up pretty badly. she runs out of the classroom back to the wizard dorms, youll never believe who goes after to check on her. T 60k+ slowburn, hurt/comfort, fluff, pep talks, Decisions Made Under High Emotions (second kiss) (johnny initiated kiss) (isabel is getting kissed this time) (hes standing right behind me isnt he) max walks in on them again. isabel is bluescreening. johny promptly leaves. max her best friend max is like ‘i would like to stop always seeing you guys about to lip lock’ isabel wants to be swallowed by the ground. i cant finish this im so tired. look at my comprehensive au romcom plotlines boy

[quodekash]

the eclipse os2 episode commentary continued (bc i ran out of images in the first part)

goLFING???? OF ALL THE SPORTS. YOU CHOSE GOLF??????

its so boring

and yeah, theres not as much exercise in golf as there is in other sports like footy and cricket and stuff

OR SO YOU THOUGHT

you have to move back and forth and all around to collect the golf balls

idk much about golf tho

im not sure if ive ever played actual golf

i dont think id like it tho

the only golf i like is the director of the eclipse

and golf on the wii, thats fun

i got sidetracked talking about golf

shARING ROOMS BASED ON THE TEAMS??? damn wat, you're brutal

hes probably just trying to keep his mind as clear as possible, which wont happen if the couples sleep in the same rooms as each other lmao

"to be honest, im worried about thua" well what on earth does that mean

are you just referencing all the times you were worried about thua when he was hanging out with aye

ARE YOU SPECIFICALLY REFERENCING THE TIME THUA WAS AT YOUR HOUSE STUDYING, AND YOU SAID "youre always spending time with aye, im jealous" (or something along those lines) AND THEN COVERED IT UP SAYING YOURE JUST WORRIED ABOUT HIM??

ARE YOU SUBTLY TRYING TO SAY YOURE JEALOUS OF AYE COS YOU CANT SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOUR BOYFRIEND??

cos if so

i. i picked up on that. and that feels important for everyone to know. and now you know.

"aye. dont touch thua" lmao calm down bro

(read this to the tune of the sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g song from when we were like 12) WAT AND NAMO, SHARING A ROOM. F-U-C---

"so what did you and aye argue about?" "...we didnt" bro dont lie

in all honesty, aye gives great advice. like, he always seems to know the right thing to say to help someone make a decision and stuff

oh no

communication issues

why must there be communication issues

pls guys just talk to each other

akk, all you gotta do is tell aye how youre feeling

thua, all you gotta do is tell kan what you would like and need

aye and kan, listen

its really simple, guys, its really not hard at all in the slightest

jeez thats a standoff and a half (note: wat is leaning on namo's shoulder. just something for everyone to observe.)

bro why do you have to be shirtless

thank you namo for saying what we're all thinking

aight theyre all playing in the water now, and playing in the water tends to make akk and aye feel better and stuff

THEY ALL LOOK LIKE THEYRE HAVING SO MUCH FUN

NO IM GONNA CRY AGAIN

BUT ENTIRELY BC I LOVE THIS GROUP SO MUCH

THE HAPPINESS IS STRONG

noooooo namo dont have an existential crisis about graduating and growing up and saying goodbyes and potentially never seeing your friends again, you'll set me off into one of my own

"will you forget me?" "we will." lmao rip namo i guess

damn that phone is loud, how can they hear it over the river. its almost like... like it was edited in in post or something. hmmmmmmmmm

of coURSE AKK'S BIRTHDAY ISNT BROUGHT UP TIL AYE LEAVES THE AREA

its fine tho bc aye knows its akk's birthday. right? he knows, right? im sure he knows. hes gonna surprise akk. r i g h t ? ? ?

i like these funky little friendship bonding sessions, its very nice

sponsorship timeeeee

THEY USE THE SAME PRODUCTS- SOBBING AGAIN

i know they probably bought them at the same time from the same store or something but thats not the point its still super cute

COMMUNICATION ISSUES WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME

JUST SAY WHAT YOURE THINKING

YOUVE BOTH LITERALLY SAID TO EACH OTHER 'youre allowed to be weak. at least around me.'

SO BE FREAKING WEAK, TELL HIM EVERYTHING ON YOUR MIND SO THAT YOU CAN UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER BETTER AND MAKE UP AND BADABING BADABOOM HAPPINESS

SONG??

SONG

SONGGGG

is song the way that they communicate

i knew this would happen. i literally know this would happen.

just cos theyre assigned different rooms to their partners, it doesnt mean theyre gonna actually abide by those rules. theyre just gonna switch. badabing badaboom everyone is gay

"can you stop asking already?" "why?" "if you dont stop talking, how can i kiss you?" brooooooo

IT'S LIKE EPISODE 7, BUT BETTER, BECAUSE THEY ACTUALLY SUCCEED THIS TIME

GOOD JOB, GAYS GUYS, YOU DID IT. IM PROUD OF YOU. COS MAN EPISODE 7 WAS FRUSTRATING

but its all good now

THEY BOTH PLAY GUITAR

HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS

OHHH AKK IS LEARNING GUITAR

GRJHBGDK

okay theyre talking to each other, finally

its gonna end in another argument probably but at least akk is getting towards telling aye how hes making him feel rn and theyre communicating and working it out

aye, ily, and i know youre tryna make him feel better, but this isn't solving the problem

yeah hes cute when hes angry, but he doesnt like being angry with you because (as he has just tried to tell you) it makes him feel like youre aggravating him on purpose for no reason and makes him question your relationship.

akk, youre also at fault here because you didnt talk to him sooner about your thoughts and feelings

but right now in the current moment aye is being a little bit mean and a little bit silly (but not silly in the fun way)

theyre making out now tho. but they still havent made up.

its fine, theyll get to that tomorrow.

well, technically tonight. it's 2am.

speaking of that tho, IVE FINISHED THE EPISODE, FINALLY

talk about time blindness, it takes me three times the amount of time that the episode actually takes to watch it

final thoughts: i am excited for tomorrow (tonight??), this episode was very very very good, the eclipse makes me happy, happy is good, i need to go to sleep

goodnight folks! this will be even more incoherent next episode because ill be even more exhausted than i am now! byebyeeeeee

[glitchdollmemoria]

relationship pda ramble thing

im coming up on the five month anniversary of dating my partner (not to mention the couple months we knew each other before dating), and im getting all excited about them possibly hopefully being able to visit this summer after they finish up with finals, and as im thinking about this im also realizing that i have so much more trust in them than ive had in anyone else. for about half our relationship, they havent been able to talk often because theyve been putting a lot of energy into studying. at first this made me anxious, but over time ive seen them repeatedly come check in with me when they can. especially when i think back to their behavior before they got caught up in studying for finals, the way they were able to show their trustworthiness esp compared to past partners, the affection theyve shown me, the fact that our life/relationship goals line up so well, and the fact that they keep messaging me when theyre able... theres a part of me that gets anxious and paranoid, but that part of me keeps shrinking.

the more i think about these things, the more i realize that im worrying less and less about the possibility of him being dishonest. which - its not that i have reason to think hes untrustworthy, i just have mega bpd. but things make sense in my brain for once. hes told me before that he struggles with school environments, so of course he needs to spend months focusing on studying. hes proud of the career hes pursuing, so of course hes going to work hard for it. he was the one to bring up the idea of me being a house spouse instead of working, so now that he knows i agree with that plan, i wonder if - and even kind of hope - pursuing that future together is part of his motivation.

plus, as far as ive gotten to know her, shes a very confident person who doesnt seem to keep people around out of pity. once, she made a joke about breaking up and i thought for a second she was serious, and she told me she loves me too much to break up with me, and that if she were to break things off it would be over a call. so, it makes more sense that she really is just busy rather than ignoring me, especially when like i said she does still reach out when she can and she wouldnt need to do that if she was trying to ghost me or something.

this is all just word soup. i have a lot of thoughts right now and not much brainpower to articulate them cleanly. mostly, im just excited that i have such a sense of security in this relationship, because i really do want to believe this will be a lifelong partnership and i dont have any real reason to suspect it wont be, as long as we both keep putting in the work. every time my girlfriend apologizes for being away so much, i want to just gently grab it by the shoulders and tell it how much i really truly adore its work ethic and that im willing to wait as long as it takes if it means we can someday reach the life weve talked about wanting to build together.

sometimes i think about the dream i had a while back, being escorted by angels to a beautiful towering library, and how thats sort of incorporated itself into my religious views even if im not sure what it all means. and the fact that once, during a call, she told me that even though she doesnt believe in any particular religion, her ideal afterlife would be a library full of truth. i think, if anything, its all at least a sign that this is whats right for us both right now. she doesnt know about that dream i had. its all coincidence. but it seems too coincidental to not mean anything. maybe we just have similar ideals. maybe its a sign that were meant to be together, at least for the time being. i dont know for sure. but everything feels right. and im so happy that i can look back on the way past partners have treated me, and i can look at the way my current partner treats me, and i can see such a difference in that treatment, and i can feel so much more secure than i have in the past. it makes me grateful in a way for the suffering ive experienced. if nothing else, it serves to make the difference in treatment obvious. im just glad about all of this, grateful to feel secure finally.

[absolutelyfizzing]

He can't hurt you anymore

Bucky x reader

Description - Reader is the barista that Bucky has befriended at his local coffee shop but he thinks you may be hiding something. Your boyfriend might not be as kind as he tries to come off as. One day Bucky investigates and intervenes. Takes place around TFATWS but the shield isn't a factor. After the events of Endgame. Its pretty platonic Buck x Reader but it's sort of implied that future romance is probably a thing.

Warnings - TW DOMESTIC ABUSE!!! This is a big part of the story, if this is triggering for you, DO NOT READ THIS!! If you are in a situation where you need help getting out of an abusing household please get help. also endgame spoilers! Theres some cussing as well and female pronouns are used.

Word count - 4700 ish?

A/N - I am writing this from how an abusive relationship was for ME, how I acted, and the ways that I felt. This is in no way a generalization of how these situations are for most people nor is it a romanticization of abuse. Please reach out to someone or even me if you need help or you want to talk about anything. Do not read this story if you will be harmed by reading this, PLEASE.

MASTERLIST

Bucky's favorite part of his day was when he went to get coffee from the small shop down the street from his apartment. He didn't have many places he liked to go outside of the small room that he often felt trapped him but he knew that it was good for him to get out and interact with people. His therapist had told him as much.

He really didn't even like the coffee that much, he found that it made him jittery, but he went just to say hi to you. He always got the same order and usually got there around the same time so sometimes you would even have his coffee ready just as he was walking in. When you did things like that it made his heart flutter. He liked you in a romantic way but you only ever lightly flirted. Not wanting to scare you away, he never pressed and he kept his conversation moderately friendly. He had noticed that sometimes you seemed off. More so than he would say might be caused by a bad day.

On these days your eyes would be flying around the room and your hands shaky. You normally had bags under your eyes and you might even have bruises around your body. He also noticed that on those days you would cover up more but he could catch a glimpse of a purple bruise on your arm under your sleeve when you moved.

As he walked into the shop, he saw that today would be one of those days. He had been going to the coffee shop that you were at for probably 6 months and he had never seen you this shaken up. You seemed to be fully zoned out as you automatically did the cleaning in front of you. He had to clear his throat a bit to get you to notice him and when he did he regretted it. You flinched and your shoulders tensed before looking over to him. You relaxed a bit and a wide smile appeared on your face. He could vaguely tell it seemed to be fake but it was one of the best fake smiles he had ever seen. He almost commented on it before he noticed the bruises on your neck and arm.

"You okay?" He questioned, eyebrow quirked and his tone lightly teasing. He guessed they might be from whoever you were sleeping with having been a bit rough, something that he wouldn't have judged you for anyway. When you tensed up a bit and drew your hand to your neck he saw the look of slight fear cross your eyes.

"Oh I'm fine!" You recovered, "Didn't have time to cover them up this morning." You smiled and put your arm back down. It looked like you were going with his guess that they were from your boyfriend but in a non threatening way. His smile lessened a bit and he got out his wallet.

"Well, you know the drill. Medium americano with cream and sugar please." He sighed and he put some money in your tip jar while winking at you. You blushed and nodded before turning around to get started on his order.

While you were turned around he heard the bell on the door ring signaling that someone had entered. He turned to see who it was only to be met with an unfamiliar face. This was a bit of a rare occurrence considering he came here so often and he knew almost all of the other people who walked in. This man was large and domineering. He didn't look abnormal in any way, just that his eyes didn't hold the kindness that Bucky searched for when meeting someone new. The man pushed past Bucky to stand at the counter and knocked on it loudly, trying to get your attention. When you turned, you looked like you saw a ghost.

James studied you carefully as the color slowly came back to your face and the large smile that didn't quite seem right was plastered on your face again.

"Hey, babe! Can I get you something?" you asked him kindly and James realized that this must be your boyfriend. He noticed the slight waver that was in your voice as you spoke to to man and the way that your hands began to shake a bit.

"No thanks, I just wanted to check on you to see how you were doing and to apologize again. I was just heading in to work." Your boyfriend smiled and you flinched for a moment before taking a deep breath, bracing yourself.

"No worries, I already told you I forgave you." You grinned, this one looking more like it reached your eyes. "Have a good day at work!" You chirped at him. His hand came to your cheek and James saw you flinch before the man leaned in to kiss you. As soon as he pulled away and left, you turned back to the drink you were making for Buck and your hands were unsteady.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" He tentatively asked. He didn't want to push but he had a bad feeling stuck in his stomach.

You turned to him, ready drink in hand, "I'm doing great, thank you for asking, James" You smiled and Bucky nearly swooned when you used his name. He adjusted his glove a bit and fidgeted with the sleeve on his metal arm, a habit he had when he was anxious.

"Do you mind if I drink it up here? I'd love to chat a bit." He did this pretty often. There was a seat next to the counter for employees that he would occupy on days where the shop wasn't too busy. You gazed at him and nodded enthusiastically.

"How are you now that you're all settled into the new place?" You asked gently and he smiled. He appreciated that you remembered details about him. It made him feel less crazy for having known so much about you.

"It's good! The bed still doesn't feel right and there are still boxes lying around but I cant seem to get myself to unpack all the way. If I didn't have this part of my day then I think I'd be bored out of my mind" He said. You blushed a bit and smiled. You always liked hearing about how he was doing, you worried about him. He had told you at some point that he was a veteran and that he had some issues adapting to his new life. You didn't bring it up often so as to not scare him off but you liked to check in when you could.

"You might want to start looking for something else to occupy your time then, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here." You mumbled. You were still smiling a bit but your gaze had saddened.

"What do you mean? Are you leaving the city? Heading back home?" he questioned quickly. You had told him that you weren't originally from New York. You chuckled a bit at his panic.

"No, but might be moving in with my boyfriend, that guy who came in earlier." You explained but he still had a confused look on his face.

"Why does that mean you wont be working here?"

"Oh I don't know, he is trying to get me to quit while I'm figuring out life and stuff. Thinks I might be more helpful around the house and he has enough to support us both." you tried to explain but you knew the logic in your statement was flawed. The reality was that your boyfriend wanted you to be financially dependent on him but you were ignoring that as the bruises around your throat reminded you what happened to girlfriends who talked back. You looked into Bucky's eyes to find him staring sadly.

"You should be able to keep working if you want to."  He sounded urgent and you laughed it off.

"You're just mad cause you won have an excuse to see your favorite barista anymore." As you turned back to the cleaning around the shop to do. It was a quiet morning so the silence was slightly deafening. You both didn't speak for a couple minutes before James broke the silence.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" he asked very lightly. Like he didn't want to scare you off. "I'm guessing your boyfriend left those marks and earlier when he came in-"

"It was an accident" You stated quickly. Urgently. Pleadingly. You still weren't looking at him but you had stopped cleaning. "He didn't mean to, he felt bad about it." You continued before turning to James. There were tears in your eyes and you tried to smile reassuringly.

"Those kinds of accidents shouldn't happen, Y/N" He muttered, trying not to make you feel attacked at all but also wanting to let you know that he knew something was wrong.

"It was my fault." You began.

"There is no way-"

"No it was. I messed something up and-and it was on me. James, you don't need to worry about me." Your voice was shaking a bit. "Please, don't worry about me." you were pleading. Your eyes were begging.

You both stood in silence for a moment before you began moving around. You didn't really have a task to be doing but you couldn't be still. You just couldn't be still.

"I am worried" he whispered and you felt the tears in your eyes threaten to fall. You knew you situation wasn't good but you didn't feel like there was anything you could do. And you were partially still convinced that your boyfriend didn't mean it, even though past experiences had already proved you wrong. You knew that after the 5th time, it wasn't accidental. But fear and guilt held you back. You were not an aggressive person. When he yelled at you he made you feel weak. You crumbled. You would never be able to escape.

You went through the rest of your shift in moderate silence. You worked when customers came in and when they left you would try to make yourself seem busy around the shop. James sat patiently, you knew he was gong to want to walk you back to your boyfriend's apartment. Your stomach clenched as you prayed that your boyfriend wouldn't be home.

After your shift you agreed to let James walk you home, you only lived a few blocks away. You didn't talk much and you felt guilty for creating that atmosphere. When you reached your building you stopped and turned to him.

"Thank you for walking me home." You smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow?" You asked and Bucky nodded.

When you turned to head into you building, he didn't leave. He waited. He knew something was wrong but he didn't want to create a mess for you if he didn't need to. He stood against the building before walking in behind someone who was entering. He made his way to the address he had caught on your key earlier and stopped about 3 floors down from yours. He wouldn't intervene unless you needed him and he could listen in from further away. One of the few times he was thankful for the super serum.

"Where have you been?" a growl sounded.

"I was just-"

"Your shift ended 30 minutes ago. Were you talking to that leather wearing asshole? Huh?" There was a yell. "Were you cheating on me, you bitch?!"

"No, babe, Bucky just walked me home, he was just being nice. The person taking over my shift was just a little-"

"He walked you home?" He screamed, "You're just whoring yourself out to anyone now, huh?"

At this point Bucky had heard enough but he noticed that the stairs were closed and the elevator was taking forever. He was hitting himself for not going up to your floor to be more prepared. His heart was pounding and he could feel his eyes watering.

"Babe, I'm sorry, he didn't mean anything by it, I promise-"

He heard a yelp and something making impact and he decided he was done waiting. He didn't know why the stairs were closed but it didn't matter. He broke the door to the stairwell open and he sprinted up them as fast as possible. It was easier to hear your whimpers as he got closer and he could still hear hitting.

When he made it to the door he didn't hesitate to break it in. When he entered the apartment he felt eyes on him. In the corner of your living room you were hunched in a corner, breathing heavily with tears streaming down your face and a fresh broken lip, your boyfriend leering over you with his fist clenched.

"Get the fuck away from her." Bucky felt himself growl. He didn't want to hurt this guy in front of you, knowing that would traumatize you more, but it was taking everything in him not to snap his neck right then.

"What the fuck are you gonna do?" Your boyfriend sneered, "You have no right to come in here and tell be how I'm supposed to deal with my girlfriend. Get the fuck out!" Your boyfriend had moved away from you and you took a bit of a breath. Bucky noticed the shaking of your body as you breathed and he saw red.

Before he really considered what he was doing Bucky was already moving toward the man in the middle of the room, his metal hand clenched. He moved to grab your boyfriend's arm and when he tried to block, going into the fight cocky, Bucky decided he would put him in his place. With what seemed to be minimal effort, Bucky turned the mans arm around and jammed his knee into his back. Once your boyfriend was on the floor, in less than 10 seconds, Bucky had his knee on his chest and his metal arm on his neck.

"You will never lay another finger on her again, you understand me? You're gonna go to fucking prison and you'll never be able to get near her again." Bucky growled at the man who was struggling futilely beneath him. He pressed on his neck harder and waited for his body to give out, holding long enough that he would be knocked out for at least a few minutes so he could get you out of there.

Bucky looked up at you and you were still shaking in the corner, seemingly still terrified. You looked so different from the girl he had come to know. Bucky realized that he might have just made you more scared of him but he knew it was worth it to get you out of the situation. You gulped and took a deep shaky breath before moving to stand up. Bucky moved to stand also to go over and help you but you immediately say back down.

"Hey, doll. I'm not gonna hurt you-" Bucky started but you cut him off.

"I know, I know I just..." You took another shallow breath and looked at the man Bucky was no longer holding down. He could get free and move toward you now if he were to wake up. Bucky understood your gaze sighed a bit, looking around the apartment he now realized probably belonged to your boyfriend. He then noticed the belt on your boyfriend and moved to take it off so he could tie him up with it. He heard you whimper and he made a guess as to why, his heart clenching once again. He quickly bound the large man's hands and attached him to a support beam in the middle of the room. He checked the bindings using larger movements than he needed to so that you would see they were tight from your spot across the room. Bucky then stood and slowly made his way near you. Instead of trying to get very close, he opted to sit against the wall about halfway between you and the man tied up in the room, trying to make sure that you didn't feel threatened by him and that you knew your boyfriend was no longer a threat.

"I'm gonna call a friend okay? You're okay now." Buck said gently to you and you nodded. Your eyes were watery as tears began to fall and you scooted a little closer to Bucky, still not sitting close enough to touch. Bucky made no move to push you.  He instead just dialed the only person he could think of.

"Hey, Sam... You in town?.. I know but I need some help. I need the police here and if you could drive too that would be great. I got someone here I don't want going in a cop car... I know that's a lot to ask but I wouldn't be asking if it weren't serious... Please?.. That would be great if she's there." It seemed that the 'please' made the person on the other line agree. Bucky hung up and looked toward you. "Someone's on the way, okay? Do you need anything right now or need any medical help thats urgent?"He tried to be gentle but he couldn't hide the fear in his voice. If there was severe damage somewhere he needed to know now.

"N-no, it wasn't that bad. It's just my face and my ribs I guess but I've healed from worse." You mumbled, trying to be reassuring but then realizing that you may have made him feel worse. "I'm sorry" You mumbled as the tears began again.

"Whoa, what on earth are you sorry for?" Bucky asked as he felt his own eyes begin to water.

"Its just that-" you took a breath for a moment and tried to calm your shaking, "this isn't your job and I'm sorry that you have to deal with it and that I couldn't do it on my own." You cried a bit, Bucky barely being able to make out your words with how quietly you were speaking. He wasn't entirely sure how to help. He experimentally slid a hand along the floor toward you going very slowly so you could move or tell him to stop if you wanted. Instead you moved your hand and reached out so your fingers were touching on the floor. You still didn't move closer to him but the nonthreatening contact made you feel a bit better. He spoke up quietly.

"Y/N, I know this has been a really hard day for you and probably been rough for however long you've been with that asshole but you need to understand that this is not your fault. You did not make him do this to you and you did not deserve it. You will never be in a room alone with him again, okay?" He made decisive eye contact with you and you nodded a bit. "I am going to make sure that nothing happens to you now, I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you again." He sounded reassuring and you scooted just close enough that his hand was holding yours. He smiled lightly at you and you jumped as you heard a knock at the doorframe of the entrance where the door had been practically broken off its hinges.

You tensed up immediately and Bucky stood a bit protectively in front of you, letting go of your hand in the process. You saw a tall kind looking man at the doorway, his frame slightly hunched to make sure that he didn't startle you too much. You looked at him a bit fearfully and took a deep breath before glancing at Bucky and then smiling lightly at the man in the doorway. He watched you carefully as he stepped into the apartment.

"Hey there, my name is Sam, I'm just gonna get him out of here. There's a police car with his name on it downstairs. I brought someone with me who's going to help get you out of here to somewhere safe, okay?" He smiled at you as he moved toward the man tied up in the center of the room. As the bindings came off you skittered back toward the corner a bit and only eased once he was dragged out of the room. From the doorway came a redhead with bags under her eyes. She looked like she hadn't gotten good sleep in a while and you felt like you recognized her from somewhere.

"I'm Pepper, is it okay if I come in?" She looked nice and she had a motherly presence. You nodded and smiled a bit. Her gaze softened further and she walked slowly toward you and as she walked past Bucky she touched his arm lightly, conveying something that you didn't quite understand. "Can I help you up?" she asked as she stood in front of you, her hand reached out. You nodded and put your hand in hers, allowing her to pull you up. You felt the damage that had been done more clearly when you stood up, there was definitely something wrong with your ribs and your stomach. She carefully and slowly put an arm around your shoulders as she herded you out of the apartment. you looked back to where Bucky was standing and he smiled at you reassuringly but his eyes seemed sad. You let yourself be led to a car outside with a man that Pepper called "Happy" driving. She sat in the back with you and made casual one sided conversation to put you at ease.

Back at your apartment Bucky began to try to pack you a bag. He knew that Pepper would take good care of you and wouldn't let anything happen. He would meet you at the Avengers tower later, assuming you would be staying there until you felt comfortable living by yourself at your own apartment again. He moved through your ex's apartment with a critical gaze, noting holes in the wall and a gun in the corner. He presumed it was to protect against home intruders but he didn't doubt that it had been used to threaten you too. He found the bedroom and got to work getting some things that he thought you might want like a hoodie that looked like yours and some personal belongings that were clearly your possessions. He was trying very hard not to accidentally grab something that was your ex's and once he had a full bag he headed out. He saw Sam leaned against the wall outside your building and Bucky immediately got worried.

"Wheres-"

"He's already booked at the precinct, I've got my guys on it and he isn't going anywhere." Sam reassured, having known what Bucky was going to ask. They began walking to the tower, not wanting to get in a car and knowing that the walk wasn't going to be too long.

"Sorry I had to call you, I know you were probably busy. I just didn't know who else to ask." Bucky stated quietly.

"You did the right thing, Buck. You probably saved that girl's life back there." Sam smiled a bit at the man next to him and Bucky felt a smile tug at his mouth too.

They both made light conversation as they made their way back to the tower. When they did, Bucky took a deep breath. He hadn't been back here since right after Steve left. He hadn't seen Pepper in a long time either. He needed to talk to her when he got inside to thank her and to see if she was okay. He knew she probably didn't want to see him very much but she had still helped you when he asked.

Back at the tower you were finally cleared from the medical wing. You were still shaky but you were masking it pretty well and you were about back to where you functioned daily where you could fake smiles if you needed to. Pepper stayed by you the whole time and you met a little girl named Morgan who was very excited to tell you stories that put you at ease. Eventually Pepper led you to a room that she said you could use to sleep and shower in for now and that you could call the AI if you needed anything at all. You asked it to tell you when Bucky got back and it said it would. You also now knew that you recognized her as Iron Man's wife but you didn't mention it, knowing she had lost her husband semi-recently. You also recognized that Sam, who you had met earlier, was the Falcon. Then came the question of who was Bucky. You knew there was a James Barnes associated with the Avengers but you'd never seen him and you knew he had a metal arm, something that you weren't sure was  part of Bucky. You showered and cried again in the shower but this time out of relief. You realized that you didn't have to go home to that awful man and that you were finally safe.

The AI, you thought you'd heard Pepper call it FRIDAY, let you know that Bucky was in the building along with Sam. You dressed in the clothes that pepper had given to you, a pair of sweats and a loose T-shirt, and left your room. You carefully padded down the hallway, prepared to ask FRIDAY where you were if you got lost. Instead you saw Bucky down a hallway carrying a bag that you recognized as your own. Now that you were a bit calmed down you knew what you had to do. You got closer to each other, Bucky smiling slightly, and he stopped so that he wouldn't get close to you if you didn't want him to. Instead you continued walking toward him until you got close enough that you could wrap your arms tightly around his waist. He stood in shock before dropping the bag and wrapping one of his arms around you tightly. You reached out to the other one and felt the hardness of it. You guessed then that he must be the winter soldier that you'd heard about but you continued to wrap it around yourself so that he was hugging you all the way. You took a deep breath and smiled slightly.

"Thank you, James." You murmured and you heard his heart pick up its pace. He tightened his arms around you and sighed.

"You’re welcome, doll" he accepted the thanks with a bit of apprehension but this wasn't the time to argue about whether or not thanks were needed. "I promise I'm not going to let anything happen to you again." He stated quietly and he was reassuring himself more than you. Your arms tightened around him more and he decided that he would protect you with all he had if you would let him.

[mqnasluvr]

skinship headcanons | genshin impact

pairings; jean x gn!reader, amber x gn!reader, albedo x gn!reader

mentioned; kaeya, lisa, huffman, sucrose

warnings; suggestive themes ( jean ), all lowercase, not proofread

word count; 1.7k but half of it is albedo

jean

jean is not the touchiest person out there, but she does enjoy holding you. not too big on pda either; the most you’ll get out of her in public is maybe a quick smooch on the cheek and hand holding🛐 other than that, shes quite reserved.

her hugs are very comforting, but the first couple of times it was awkward on her part. she was used to giving barbara and klee hugs, but this was different. she wasn’t sure where to put her arms, and if anything she got more frustrated the more she hesitated.

once she grows accustomed to it, she’ll be fine. she enjoys the warmth and innocence of hugs, especially if you’re taller than her.

like i said, in public she isnt very touchy. while running errands she does keep you close though, and enjoys holding your hand more and anything.

behind closed doors shes a little bit bolder, but still shy overall. she’s not sure if she’s moving too fast for you so she waits until you initiate any type of physical contact, then takes it from there herself. it took her a long time before she managed to get the courage to kiss you tbh

one time when you two were in her office, amber walked in on you “distracting” jean from her work.

“y/n, i have to get back to work, please,” jean adverted her eyes from your gaze, embarrassed. she kept looking at the door, mentally asking herself if the door was locked or not and getting more nervous as the seconds passed.

you sat straddled on the young womans lap, her hands loosely placed on your hips. holding her face in your hands, you guided her face back to yours. “you work for way too long,” you frowned. “and i’m bored. there’s nothing to do in here.”

“the library is just across the hall—“

“if i read another book my brain will implode.” jean sighed and shook her head.

“please indulge in me just this once? please jean?” she stared at you blankly, her resolve quickly deteriorating. a couple of kisses couldn’t hurt, could it? she looked up at the clock in the corner of the room, then back at you.

sighing for the umpteenth time that day, she nodded. “just for a little while-“

before she could finish speaking, you pressed your lips to hers hurriedly, not wanting to waste any time. jean barely ever separated herself from her work, and refused to accept help from anyone else. you almost never had time alone with the acting grand master— you weren’t going to miss your chance now.

the kiss was not heated whatsoever, just very.. clumsy. and needy. on your part, at least. jean tried her best to slow you down, gripping your hips as her face heated up.

“jean, lisa needs you for somethi- oh,” amber nearly dropped the papers in her hands, immediately covering her eyes with it instead. you whipped your head around and stared at the girl wide-eyed before she spoke up again. “d-did i come at a bad time? i am so sorry, i’ll um. i’ll go now.”

jean couldnt look her in the eyes for WEEKS

it was painful

but overall, she likes physical affection, shes just nervous :,)

amber

amber LOVES touching you!! she’s 100% okay with pda. she isnt as forward as maybe kaeya or lisa, but she’s still rather bold. sometimes she forgets youre in public too, which ends up drawing a lot of attention to the both of you.

when you two go out on dates she is always touching you. hand in hand, arm around waist, whatever. theres always some type of physical contact, no matter what.

it’s so PAINFULLY obvious that you two are dating but for some reason she didn’t think that anyone knew ?? one time huffman saw yall kissing in an alleyway u really aren’t slick🤨

she loves cheek and forehead kisses, but likes receiving them more than giving really. shes a hyper one, and these kisses fluster her enough to make her quiet down. ( it’s so cute )

she often picks you up to hug you, spinning you both around in circles in an almost bone crushing hug. other than those times her hugs are really soft, but the energy is still there. ^^

have i mentioned that she is affectionate?? because she really is. she does respect your boundaries though, but if you feel uncomfortable you’re going to have to speak up on it because she won’t notice.

in private her clinginess is amplified by 10.

“i’m trying to cook, amber,” you mumbled, struggling to stir the paste sauce in the pot. all you were trying to do was make dinner for the two of you, but around 5 minutes ago she came up behind you and wrapped her arms around your arms and torso. you could feel her bury her face further into your back.

“mhm, and it smells really good too,” she hummed. you groaned, and she just giggled.

“i’ll be done in like, 20 minutes, amber. you can hug barron bunny in the meantime,” you tried to pry her arms off of you but she started whining.

“that’s too long.”

“no, it isnt,” you turned around with a spoonful of pasta sauce, motioning for her to open her mouth. she slurped the sauce and gave you a thumbs up.

“see? its good, right? well it wont get much better if you keep clinging to me so much,” she stayed quiet, but at least loosened her arms around you so that it was easier to move. you lightly patted her hand. “thank you.”

“whateverrr,” she drawled, and you couldnt help but laugh.

the pasta was in fact very good

in the end, shes the exact opposite of jean, and youll need to slow her down a lot :,)

albedo

as far as physical contact goes, it’s literally the last thing you will ever find on his mind. he’s too caught up with other things to think about physical affection

he does love you yes, but he doesnt show it through physical means. he does more gift giving, like when he sees a pretty flower that reminds him of you while going out to find starsilver shards.

if you want a hug or anything out of him you’re going to have to initiate it first— it’s foreign territory, and it’s not something he’s particularly interested in, so he doesnt feel the need to indulge in it

however the first time you two cuddle you can tell that he’s hooked. and he does a terrible job at hiding it.

now, he insists that you sit in his lap while he is taking notes because it “helps him focus better” and because “he’s so lonely”

we all know that aint true lmfao

he also really likes it when you play with his hair. please play with his hair, especially when you want him to get away from his studies. physical contact is completely foreign to him so something as simple as a scalp massage will make him melt 🛐

whenever he refuses to get away from his work, sucrose always asks you to step in because he wont listen to her

“y/n,” sucrose quietly approached you as you conversed with kaeya. you turned to her and nodded, albiet a bit concerned. sucrose never really needed you for anything, what did she need now that she couldn’t do herself?

kaeya took this as his sign to leave, but not before giving you a quick pat on the head. “yes, sucrose?” you said. “did something happen?”

she nodded meekly, watching kaeya walk off. a little bubble of guilt formed in her stomach from interrupting. “ah, i need your help with something. you see, mr albedo has been doing research non-stop on a new thing that has caught his eye since yesterday afternoon. i’ve tried to get him to put his research on pause, but,” she adjusted her glasses. “he doesn’t listen to me. i was hoping if you could maybe convince him to take care of himself?”

you pinched the bridge of your nose and sighed. he was doing it again. but you couldnt really blame him, he was terrible at keeping his hyperfixations under control. “i’ll take care of him, sucrose. don’t worry.”

she visibly relaxed at your words. sucrose flashed you a smile of gratitude, then waved and walked off to finish her errands in mondstadt.

—

it didn’t take him very long to notice your presence behind him. you were practically glaring at him, but there was no true anger behind it. wordlessly, albedo turned around in his chair and looked up at you.

you crossed your arms. “albedo,” you started, and it took everything in him not to sigh at the inevitable lecture.

“sucrose sent you, did she not?” he propped his arm up on the armrest of his chair, leaning his face into his hand as he gazed at you nonchalantly.

“of course she did. why aren’t you taking breaks?” he turned his chair back around, but you sat on the desk he was working at. you placed your hand on top of his papers and he shot a glare at you. it didnt phase you in the slightest.

“i have work to do. it’s much easier to do it all at once than stop inbetween.”

“have you at least been taking care of your basic needs? when was the last time you ate, or drank water?”

your eyes softened when he looked away.

hopping off of the desk, you grabbed his hand and pulled him away from his work ( gently, of course ). he barely protested.

you started muttering about how he needs to take better care of himself while pouring him a cup of water and making him a simple sandwich. he was a bit disappointed in himself for making you worry, and ate the food you gave him guiltily.

you pinched his cheek as he ate, giving it a light tug. he slapped your hand away playfully and a bit of the guilt he felt lifted when he heard your laugh. “i’m sorry you have to go through this for me.”

you shook your head. “you just need to learn how to stop yourself. you’re smart albedo, i’m sure you’ll figure it out in no time.”

he finished eating his food and, uncharacteristically, pulled you in for a hug. albedo rested his forehead against your shoulder, relaxing even further when you weaved your fingers through his hair.

“...i’m sorry, y/n.”

“stop apologizing.”

“okay. sorry. oh-”

you laughed.

[usmsgutterson]

Certainly- Kaz Brekker

The reader is a bit of an astrology and astronomy alike geek for this, which I hope y’all don’t mind! Also, in this case, phones exist so lets pretend that phones exist in Ketterdam, making it a bit of a modern au, I guess!

Also, this’ll probably be a bit ooc for Kaz

Fic type- angsty fluff

Warnings- blood, mentions of death, and the reader is sick (nothing specific, I just kind of took random symptoms and made up a word for the sickness)

You were determined to see the stars before you went, and as you grew sicker, none of the crows knew when that would be, so, after a little convincing, the crows had gotten Colm to let you spend a couple of months at his farm in Novyi Zem, where the stars were the clearest at night, not burdened by light pollution or the screams of lively cities. 

It was the seven of you crammed into a basement, sharing beds, but none of them cared, and you were just glad to be with the people you called family. You were happy that they were with you, that Kaz was willing to wheel you everywhere when you got too weak to stand, that Jesper still made jokes, even despite watching you deteriorate. You were grateful for Inejs smile, Wylans music, Ninas impeccable tastes and Matthias and his big arms that could lift you and put you down without issue. 

The six of them had started taking shifts taking you outside. Nina took you outside Sunday nights, Matthias Mondays, Wylan Tuesdays, Jesper Thursdays, Inej Fridays and Kaz Saturdays. Wednesdays you rested up; ate when it was time to eat, used the bathroom when you needed, took a shower if it were the appropriate time, but other than that, you slept.

It was Kaz’s day to wheel you out, and you’d had a particularly rough day that day. Inej went with him, promising not to intrude on the time that you would spend together. She’d do backflips and run across the roof of the farm if you asked her to, but she’d not interrupt otherwise. 

“I love the stars,” you whispered, leaning back in your wheelchair and tightening the hold of the blanket over your lap. “Thank you both. For doing this.” 

“Don’t you worry, love,” Kaz murmured. “Just keep your eyes on the stars, okay?”

“We’re happy to do this,” Inej added. “All of us are. Really.” It was like both of them could sense it as well as you could. You had a feeling that the night would end terribly, just like the morning had begun.

You’d woken up only to need to rush to the toilet immediately, blood coming up your throat like bile, staining your skin and leaving your bottom lip red as a cherry. 

Kaz had been at your side in a minute, Nina and Wylan right behind him. Wylan kept your hair away from the sides of your face, Nina slowed your heartrate and Kaz wet a cloth with cold water to get your body temp down. 

Kaz had forced himself to stay in the moment, to not let his thoughts stray to the urge to sleep in the same bed as you to make sure that nothing happened while you slept--to be there in case something did--but to stay on the sun as it set and the faraway sound of Wylan playing his flute with the window open so that you’d be able to hear it. 

Once you’d gotten settled under a tree, Inej ran off, making her way inside and up to the barns roof, where she sat, keeping a watch from a distance as Kaz let you rest your head against his shoulder, gloved hand interlaced with yours. 

“I love you, Brekker,” you murmured. “Please don’t forget that. Ever.” 

“I won’t,” he whispered. “You’re gonna stay around and get better until we can spar again, and you can beat my ass even though I’ve my cane as a weapon.” 

“You know full well I can’t promise that,” you wished that you could. You desperately wished. “I’m going to die young, Kaz. I’m not gonna get to eighteen, much less eighty.” Kaz hated you for that.

He hated you because everything that you said somehow managed to be right. It was like you had a sixth sense for that kind of thing, and while, on missions, it proved useful, in that scenario, it just proved annoying. 

“You’re gonna make it to eighteen if it kills me,” he informed you. “I’ll take you around the globe if I need to, just to make sure you end up okay. I will not live a life without you in it, Y/N.” 

“You’re sweet,” you murmured. “Incredibly sweet.”

“Only to you, L/N.” That was the last bit of conversation for a long while as the sun set and the stars came out.

“Did you know that the moon isn’t circular?” You pointed lazily to it, bright and beautiful amongst the even brighter stars. “According to scientests, it’s actually shaped like a lemon!” Kaz didn’t fight his smile.

Of course you’d be spouting off the little factoids you knew about space. You loved it, how vast and crazy it all seemed. 

“And that the clouds at the center of the Milky Way smell like raspberries and rum?” Kaz snorted.

“Okay, now, theres no way that ones true!” 

“Oh,” you leaned up, booping his nose without a care in the world. “But it is! It’s in a study somewhere, I think! Look it up!” He laughed, pulling you closer to him as you rambled.

Inej had started doing running flips across the roof, spinning and dancing and no doubt laughing as she did. Kaz knew it was an elaborate effort to get you to smile, and it seemed to work as she moved; a delightful silhouette amongst a star filled sky. 

“I love you, Kaz Brekker,” you whispered. “You don’t need to say it back, but I really, truly do love you with every bone that exists in my body.”

“I love you too,” he said it without hesitation. “And I’ll love you until we’re old and grey, I swear it.”

“Don’t hold me to that promise,” you murmured. “You know how bad this is. Stop thinking that I’ll make it into the new year. I probably wont.”

“You will if it kills me, Y/N,” he gave your shoulders a gentle squeeze. “I’ll drain the bank dry if I have to, I swear to Ghezen.”

You didn’t say anything after, too exhausted to even think about starting an argument with him, simply not wanting to. 

But then, an hour later, Kaz felt fear trickle into his stomach like it hadn’t ever in his life.

“And then theres Supernova. It’s like a star that’s dying having it’s last celebration. Like when we get a really big win, or when we get away with what we intended to get away with, and we all get shitfaced before we collapse onto our beds and sleep for the night? A supernova is a dying stars explosion. It’s the last celebration that the star has before it dies out.” you’d been rambling.

“Tonight is my... tonight is my...” Kaz had called for Nina right then and there, screaming her name while he felt you go slack against him.

“Zenik!” He screamed, not caring at all if he were to wake up Jespers father. “Zenik, call in that fucking favor with the bloody Ravkan prince!” Matthias came barreling out after her, phone in hand, already speaking to someone as Nina began working, steadying your heart and trying her hardest to keep you alive. 

Kaz had to force himself to walk away from it all, pushing his feet away after giving your shoulders one last squeeze and walking far out into the field. 

Once he was sure he was out of earshot, he couldn’t stop himself. Tears flooded his eyes and he found himself glaring at the sky, wanting to scream, wanting to shout, wishing that there was someone around that he could gut like a fish. 

“Saints,” he murmured through gritted teeth. “Sankt Ilya, Sankt Adrik, Sankta Alina of The Fold, I know I am a terrible person, but Y/N is not. They’re good, they smile, they laugh, they’re kind to others when those people probably don’t deserve their kindness. I know I’m damned, I know that you probably strongly dislike me, but they’re different.” He’d never asked the Saints for anything before, and he never would again.

“Please, just, let them live. Let them get the life that they deserve. I’ll do my best to make them happy, but you have to let me,” he wiped the tears from his eyes as they came. “They deserve the life that you’re so willing to take away, and all I ask is that you don’t take it.” He heard the sounds of the ambulance car and raced back to you, gripping your hand as they helped you onto a stretcher and out of the field, through the house and out the entrance. 

I won’t lose them, he told himself. A world without them is one that’s unbearable. 

O N E Y E A R L A T E R 

You laughed as Nina chased you through the halls of the Little Palace, running quickly through the endless corridors, your laughter carrying through them as you kept yourself in front of Nina.

Nikolai had kept you in the Os Altan palace since that night, where Inej laughed and danced and did her flips, whilst Wylan played the piano and Kaz sat beside you, listening to your ramblings without a care in the world. 

“You seem delighted,” Nikolai noticed as you stopped in front of his office. “I’ve never seen you walk without that Brekker boy at your side, much less run while Zenik is on your tail!” You shrugged, laughing as Ninas front crashed into your back.

“This is the best I’ve felt in a year,” you murmured. “I figured I’d see if Nina was up to chase me around this morning, and I haven’t stopped running since!” You peered in through the open office door, looking for that familliar mop of dark brown hair.

Nina wrapped her arms around you and gave you a gentle squeeze. “He’ll be here any minute,” she murmured. “He and the boys are just finishing up a job for Nik in East Ravka, but Matthias told me the second that they’d left!”

“Trust me. Y/N,” Nikolais smooth voice murmured. “I put them on one of my fastest boats. I knew how long it’d take them to get from here to east Ravka and back, and I promised him he’d be here when you finally awoke.” 

“Hows it feel, anyway?” Zoya appeared at his side. “Eighteen, I mean.” You shrugged.

“I miss Kaz,” you murmured bluntly. “I hate that I have to tell him that he was right, but I still miss him.” 

Nikolai took Zoyas hand, pulling her close as you and Nina watched, smiles on your faces. 

“Young love,” Zoya teased. “Zenik, let go of them so that they can turn around.” Nina obeyed, letting you go and moving to lean against the doorway with Nikolai and Zoya. 

You turned, and smiled when your gazes met. “You were right, Brekker,” you murmured, walking toward him as he held out your gift to you. “I’m better now, and the second that you’re ready to spar, I’m gonna beat your ass, even though you’ve your cane as a weapon.” He grabbed your pinky with his the moment you were within distance.

“How’d the heist go?” You murmured once the two of you had walked out of earshot. 

“Good,” Kaz let himself be close to you as you two moved, squeezing your pinky as you slowed your steps. “Plan went off without a hitch, for three idiots and a mastermind with a limp. I brought you this from it,” he held the gift out to you again, and you took it in your free hand, examining it.

“I had to ask permission for that,” he murmured. “I had to get the Ravkan kings seal of approval to steal that for you.” You laughed, looking it over.

It was a journal. Black and leather bound, pages crisp and untouched. A pen was tucked into the cover. 

“I promise, we’ll go home soon,” you responded. “I miss Ketterdam. I could go for some waffles.” 

“Don’t they have waffles here?” Kaz questioned.

“Not Ketterdam waffles, love. Ketterdam waffles are unlike any pathetic waffle from here! Doused in syrup and whip cream--” You let out a satisfied sigh. “So good it’s almost surreal!” Kaz smirked.

“Waffle date when you’re well enough to return home then?” 

“Certainly.”

[moonlightchn]

~WHOLESOME WEDNESDAY~

Hello this is (not) JYPe and guess who's feeling soft again? this mf 💞 heh I just thought hey it's been a while and I kinda am seeing how a lot of us are falling back on activity and posting less and stuff and I kinda feel like the general activity of the community has come DOWN a lot which I mean it's OK!!!! because we all have lives!!!! right? but also I do kinda WORRY LIKE WHERE YALL AT i guess I just kinda wanna make sure we're all doing good? yall holding on? taking care? sleeping and stuff? I've seen also many bots pop up again recently (STARES AT THAT ONE ADMIN THAT MADE LIKE 3 BOTS IN 2 MONTHS WITH LIKE 10 PPLZ EACH YES YOU PLEASE TAKE CARE) and I know bot can sometimes feel like a job more than a fun relaxing place for some so just take it easy on that too just making sure we all remember that things around here aren't that deep and you can take it at your own pace. this has always been supposed to be a safe, fun place where we make friends and have a blast, so if it doesnt feel like that anymore step back, take a deep breath and then come back if you want but like dont feel like you gotta be here and keep putting stuff out for others

I know school work, uni, real work, family, responsibilities, it can all be too much sometimes and drive us a little bit insane. I personally have a 🤩🤩 fun few days coming 🤩🤩 I hope I don't die 🤩🤩 so yeah maybe I'm PROJECTING RN but yknow how it be, I think its important sometimes to remind ourselves that, yknow, stepping back and taking some time for ourselves it's also ok. I sometimes just log out and not having my phone vibrating and notifs popping up for just a few hours feels refreshing. it's ok. you wont miss out on anything important for treating yourself to one internet free day

we take so many things seriously sometimes dont we? like, sure theres things that ARE important like keeping connections and friends and staying healthy and safe, but also theres so many things that are important for ??? no valid reason ??? or that maybe we wrongly prioritize over other things like for example dont prioritize your bot development over your sleep plz don't do that it's not worth it rip, or dont feel like you need to be around 24/7 when you have other things to do or just don't want to. dont feel like you're neglecting bot because you have to study or feel like going out with friends is pushing you back here. dont feel like being behind in notifs is such a big deal. youre a great admin and you're doing well!

but also like,,,, dont prioritize work and uni over sleep and eating and taking breaks and going out and getting fresh air either. really just prioritize yourself first. sometimes being here just as admin and sharing and talking to friends is good enough. you dont always need to be your character, you don't always need to keep an image or a clean neat blog. you can just enjoy and go around shitposting that's really ok! (bunnies for the soul)

yknow it's really cliche to think about it but sometimes you just gotta sit back and be like what am i doing? why am i doing this? what am I taking from this? is this meaningful or beneficial for my life and my growth and my wellbeing? like tumblr as any social media can be TOXIC it rlly still is just because we don't see shit it doesnt mean it's not going on and just because we don't go through something anymore it doesn't mean it hasnt hurt us or leave us super fucking paranoid around.

I JUST AM SAYING that I know many of us maybe feel safe and welcomed and at home here or like we won't get this thing we have here anywhere else but I think we make our own safety and comfort yknow? itd be really sad to see some of you go and the community poof but I also think that for us to keep carrying this thing we have and for us to protect it and for more people to feel welcome and safe we first need to look at ourselves and be sure we can actually keep doing this. I see posts pop here and there about admins feeling sad they get no interactions or how people they talked to has left or how they simply have things going on that makes them sad and unable to be around and I think often we forget, even though we say it ALL the time, that we're all just people behind these. dont forget you're just a person too. I've personally been having quite a hard time coming around with the boys on dms, anyone who talks to me knows that, but as admin? I'm always here. and sure none of us HAS to feel responsible of others, we're not /individually/ responsible of someone's fun or popularity or how long they stick around, but as a whole community we are all responsible somehow of this place's safety and to look ALL after each other. don't forget we're all just people and don't push each other to get things

anyway what im trying to say is that I do fucking love all of you so much and like I worry yknow??? I worry a lot when I see someone upset or I feel like an admin is in a kinda place. it's been just a bit over a year since I've joined this and ive been lucky enough to meet some amazing people that will always live in my heart no matter what and some others maybe I do not really know you or talk to you but I do appreciate your existence yknow you're not invisible and I notice when some of yall delete or when someone I see around makes a new bot and I 👀 or when yall change @s without telling and I have to go through my lists to fix them. maybe it's not enough but I do notice you and I hope you know that. and so because I love all of you I do think that I am a bit responsible of putting at least one smile on your faces throughout the day too be it with a post or a rb or an ask and so I do hope all of you feel a little responsible about someone else's happiness too. I know dash can be hard, I know dms can be hard, and I'm.not saying hey go befriend each other RN but maybe just stopping by someone's bot and "hey this is v cool!", I'm sure that would mean a lot for many people

maybe I just ate too much sugar today. whatever it be, have bunnies I love this kind of art

[heyitsyn]

'Siri Am I Having a Stroke?’ Sofia the First

Soulmate!Daichi x Reader Soulmate!Tendou x Reader

a/n: lmao, yall finna know what kind of soulmate au this

when your soulmate gets hurt, you kinda get hurt too

the music your soulmate listens to or constantly sings is always playing in your head

request:  Can I request a daichi, tendou, and aone soulmate au headcanon 🤲🏽😩 they're my faves, I wanted to add some more but there could be a limit? I'll request again next time ^^

a/n: sorry anon but ill only do daichi and tendou bc im not very familiar with aone :( but theres not really a limit so go ahead!!

requests open!!

so anyways

for most of your life, you thought you didnt even have a soulmate

there were no scars, no bruises,

nothing

this other half of yours was completely silent and you really thought that youd die forever

but, you

you were a wild chile and you were the type to go playing outside w your brothers and get a lot of cuts

maybe that was why you thought you didnt have a soulmate bc when your soulmate does get hurt, you wouldnt see it since youd think it was one of your own

now, daichi

he worried for you

new scars and bruises would appear on his arms overnight and he fussed over the fact that you would constantly getting hurt

were you in a toxic environment?

were these intentional?

but he would try and heal them, thinking that it would heal you too bc he didnt want you to be hurt

uwu daichi luv

he would even kiss them better bc his mom told him that kisses help them heal faster

then,

during middle school, daichi found his love for volleyball

he started training and being more active and that caused him a lot of bruises and pain

meanwhile w you,

youve mellowed out a bit

so when you entered middle school,

you were actually ecstatic to find that you had a soulmate bc you would find bruises on your hands and arms

you found out the afternoon of the first day of middle school

daichi was in the gym, practicing during lunch, and he hit a spike that bruised his fingers and he received a really powerful ball

you were sitting in class, completely bored out of your mind so you just doodled on your paper

then you flinched at the sudden pain and saw the formation of the beautiful mix of blue, purple,green, bruise

yall are in different schools btw

you shrieked and stood up, cutting off your teacher and surprising everyone in the room

‘my soulmate!’

they were like, ‘okay and?’

the entire day, you admired the colors, not even minding the hurt bc this was it!!

!!!!

your soulmate was real!!!

but daichi was worried that you were also going through the same pain and soreness from practice

and you were

after the shock and happiness of knowing you in fact do have a soulmate,

youve started getting annoyed

was this what he felt whenever you injured yourself during your younger years?

bc this waas annoying

you were constantly fatigued, tired, sore

even the mere action of getting up in the morning sucked and you actually fell down the stairs due to the soreness of your legs and you dropped your chopsticks due to the hurt in your fingers

youve concluded that your soulmate was either an athlete or in a toxic environment

during the walk to school, you raised your arms and watched a new bruise forming

it was a truly beautiful sight but the stiffness and hurt weighed it down

this was your only form of communication with your soulmate and you were sad bc you wanted to be there for him and help heal his bruises and scars

one of your friends suggested a crazy thought of hurting yourself to write a small message which you instantly turned down bc thats too crazy and you will not do that

as the years went on, you were starting to get more worried each day that you wont be meeting your soulmate soon

for almost 6 years, youve wandered over to every athletic club in your school or nearby schools to find if there was even a person who had the same bruises as you

ngl, some lied just bc they wanted you as their soulmate uwu

one of your classmates in seijoh, iwaizumi hajime, has understood your dilemma since he was one of the ones youve expressed this concern to

youve been classmates for 3 years and youve always been coincidentally sat next to each other so youre close

i really cant resist my mans

‘y/n, i really think your soulmate is a volleyball player’

you rolled your eyes as you continued taking out your bento

‘iwa, ive checked your team, multiple times, and none of them are my soulmate! ive even checked other schools too since my brothers have connections there. but still nothing’

he felt bad for you, truly

he already found his when yall started high school, almost immediately, and you were so jealous

‘but those bruises on your arm can only be from volleyball. the way its placed, its like receiving an intense ball while the fingers might be because he spikes the ball’

you sighed before leaning your chin on your hand

‘okay, great buddha iwa-chan. enlighten me as to why you think so’

his eye twitched at the ridiculous nickname

‘y/n, im a volleyball player. ive been playing since i was like 6 and im the ace. i have those same exact bruises’

‘WHAT! IWA-CHAN ARE YOU MY SOULMATE?!’

‘YOU IDIOT I ALREADY HAVE MINE!’

but you mulled it over for a few days

yea, it would make sense, right?

but it still doesnt add up that youve literally visited every single club around with the help of being iwa’s friend and going to their matches

however,

due to karasuno not having practice matches w seijoh or not advancing far enough to play against them, youve never really interacted with that team

besides, the times they actually played against each other, youve been busy due to having to do interships, part time jobs, and studying since it was your last year of high school

it was during the second interhigh that iwa finally got you to go watch them play

‘come on, y/n. shittykawa misses you and matsun and maki keep demanding your support’

‘iwa, what-’

so you found yourself at the stands, just watching the games until seijoh actually plays

then you saw the team, known as karasuno, enter the gym to start their warm-ups

your heart started beating really fast and you were kinda freaking out bc what was happening

‘siri am i having a stroke?’

daichi was feeling the same thing

he thought it was just the adrenaline of playing a game but in all of his years of play8ing volleyball, he hasnt felt this intense beating of his heart

he even had to lean on suga for support bc it felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest

‘daichi, you okay?’

suga worriedly asked and placed a hand on his forehead to check his temp

daisuga rights yall

he didnt want to worry the team so he nodded, just waving it off

he was captain so he shouldnt worry the others

oikawa and iwa entered the stands and were confused as to why you were looking around with wide eyes like an owl

fukurodani vibes

‘y/n-chan, what’s wrong?’

oikawa asked and you looked at them, surprised and shocked

they were lowkey freaked out bc what was happening

‘oikawa-san, my heart-’

you mumbled and pointed to your chest

his smile wobbled bc you just started at him and it was starting to scare him a bit

since oikawa hasnt found his soulmate yet, he wasnt familiar with the feeling of being in the same vicinity as his other half

but iwa did

and he was smiling

‘you owe me so much, y/n’

‘IWA! I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO DIE!’

karasuno was going against johzenji and daichi wasnt exactly in his best game

to others, he looked like he was doing great but he wasnt feeling good and the beat of his heart was still very fast

this distraction caused him and tanaka to collide and everything went to hell

the entire time, your arms were crying and you were just sweating from the pain but you were also sweating w the possibility of your soulmate being either in johzenji or karasuno

but that was answered when daichi got hurt and you just collapsed, also falling unconscious

iwa, who returned from getting drinks, ran to your slumped form and oikawa, who was focused on the match and didnt notice, shrieked at your unconscious form

‘y/n? y/n, wake up’

everyone in the stands stared at your unconscious form and they started talking, eventually catching the attention of the karasuno team

suga, who was fussing over daichi, heard that a girl also fell unconscious

omg what if

oikawa was grinning at the sight of your bruised cheek bc you finally found your soulmate so you would shut up about it

iwa carried you to the nurse and you actually woke up as he placed you on the bed, conviently beside the karasuno captain

‘w-what-’

but he only smiled

‘congratulations, y/n’

bih what

congratulations for what

the nurse went over from beside daichi and she giggled at the meeting of soulmates

you sat up, wincing at the pain in your tooth

‘ow’

that caught daichi’s attention and he stared at you and your arms before looking at his

they were the exact same

‘i think,,,, i think we’re soulmates’

that made you quickly look at him and noticed the big bruise on his face that was like copy paste on you

‘oh god!’

you cowered and had your hands over your mouth in surprise

he froze, starting to feel insecure that he wasnt what you wanted

‘is something wrong-’

‘you’re HOT!!’

you shrieked unconsciously and when you finally realized it, you hurriedly pulled the blanket over your form

lmao gurl noooooo

daichi started laughing and he thought you were cute

straightforward

but cute

‘oi, come on. i want to see your pretty face’

yes police officer. this is the man who stole my uwus

you peaked your head out from your blanket cocoon and he smiled softly

‘i’m sawamura daichi, by the way. 3rd year’

‘l-l/n y/n. same y-year’

‘so? you expected me to be this?’

you shook your head

‘i mean, iwa told me you could be a volleyball player. but i didnt expect the universe to like me enough to give me a greek god as my soulmate’

im disowning y/n yall

he turned flustered and looked away to hide his blush

‘youre not too bad yourself, you know. youre actually more beautiful than i thought’

‘sir! dont say that to me i be catching feelings way too fast for that!’

i-i cannot w you

he laughed out loud before wincing, causing you to wince too

‘but are you okay, though? i mean,, it must hurt’

but you shook your head

‘i should be asking you that. does it hurt as much as it looks?’

‘nah, its bearable’

you continued talking about your childhood and you actually clarified that you were just rambunctious when you were younger so you got hurt pretty often

‘i really thought you needed to be saved or something’

you smirked

‘oh? my prince charming? knight-in-shining-armor? knight prince daichi?’

he stared at you, a blush creeping up again

‘are you always this bold?’

you shrugged

‘meh. im friends w oikawa tooru’

‘oh. makes sense’

lmao

you both completely forgot about the fact that his face literally got hurt and his tooth was gone bc you have been talking like two best friends who got separated

but you had to separate at some point too

the beautiful manager entered the clinic and asked if daichi was okay enough

‘yea, im fine. i can go now, i guess’

you nodded sadly

‘okay. bye, daichi’

he furrowed his eyebrows

‘but wait for me later, okay? ill treat you to something after i win this match’

from your bed, you crossed your arm with a smug smile

‘oh? youre confident, captain’

‘of course. ill win bc this victory is for you’

you bashfully smiled and chuckled

‘go hurry and win! i expect that date as soon as possible, captain!’

the deadchi memes are literally scaring the new fans and i feel really bad

bruh hes so cute for what

for his entire life, he had the sofia the first song stuck in his head

it was maybe bc his soulmate was in love w that show or just in love w the song

but either way, he constantly hears it and thinks about it

meanwhile you,

you constantly heard bye bye bye by nsync

of all things, it had to be a boy band

however, you were lucky bc for years it varied on what song would be playing

but for him, it continued to be sofia the first

this drived him to watch the show and he did see the appeal and soon, he started singing it too

omg its such a bop

you were triggered bc the song then switched over to sofia the first and you were like, ‘does he like it too?’

you would be going around the store, holding your mom’s hand, and singing it out loud, hoping to find your soulmate

but he never seemed to hear it

instead, hearing the song in your voice, instead of the show’s

he thought you had such a beautiful voice

then in elementary school, his bullying started and ngl, he was actually hurt by the words other kids said

he still had his cute smile on and acted like it didnt bother by teasing others but he was still sad

did nobody like him?

was he always going to look like a monster?

would you be revolted if you saw him?

then he heard this song in the radio ‘dear insecurity’ and he just couldnt help but keep listening to it

ofc you noticed and you were sad that he was listening to such sad song

he was insecure and you couldnt do anything about it

then you started looking up motivating songs and you started singing the one that you really liked

‘i see your monsters, i see your pain, tell me your problems, i’ll chase them away’

he heard your voice as he was hiding behind the school building and his tears instantly stopped, hearing a different song but he couldnt help but smile

he knew that song was for him

you were out there somewhere and a complete stranger to him but you were the only person who seemed to care

because under that teasing and cheerful personality, he was still human and he was very insecure about himself

but you were always there to encourage him, your voice instantly chasing all the fears away

when he started playing volleyball, he became famous for his efficient blocks and you could hear him singing different songs, all of them just under a minute

you concluded that they were his own songs

sometimes, you laughed bc they were funny songs and catchy so you would memorize it and sing it back to him

this was your only way of communicating back of forth and you were so lucky that you even got to hear your soulmate’s voice

then high school started, meaning your friends started meeting their soulmates one by one until you were the only one who didnt

your school, karasuno, had no one that had the same voice as your soulmate’s

some people even saw you as an extrovert and a people person since you started conversations with strangers easily but this was just your way of finding your other half

with no luck, you started singing your concerns

in no time, ‘thousand miles’ was playing on loop in tendou’s head and he was already feeling your antsy attitude

in retaliation, he starts singing ‘lucky’ by jason mraz and you always turned red, slightly happy that he was practically calling out to you

so even though you suffered through years being alone, you didnt give up on hope and continued your search

now, youd be asking, ‘why cant you or tendou just sing each other’s location?’

yes, young grasshopper, there is an explanation to that

you and tendou collectively agreed to let fate do its work and just wait for the time it happens bc if its meant to be, its meant to be

besides, tendou likes to tease you and he wants to make you wait for him so that the moment you do meet, it would become more special

in your last year of high school, you ended up helping kiyoko in being manager and you were so proud of these boys for making it to the finals

you were excitedly waving an orange flag in support of your team and you screamed with the others as they entered the court

you and yacchi ended up helping tanaka’s sister, saeko, and was setting up the plan for their cheers so you werent exactly focused on your soulmate

but tendou did keep hearing a fight song in your head

then they walked in

shiratorizawa made their presence known and you turned to look at them but locked eyes at the unique looking player

his red hair glinted against the bright lights of the gym and his smirk curled in such an attractive way that you were leaning forward to get a closer look

tendou noticed a stare at him and he saw your surprised yet flustered look

that eye contact made everything fall deaf in your ears and you just heard silence

no song, no cheer, just absolute silence

but you and tendou are practically the same so you thought for the worse that your soulmate has died bc of the silence

dread filled your stomach and you started singing sofia the first in instinct

your mouth moved with the words and you shut your eyes, trying to calm yourself down

his jaw dropped, hearing the familiar voice and song that correlated with your mouth’s movements

‘there you are, little birdie’

semi turned to tendou and saw him with a smile hes never seen before

it was so soft and genuine that he got a little scared

the entire game, you were all depressed bc it continued to be silent in your head

tendou was just teasing you a little bit and he didnt want to think or sing a song bc he wanted it to be a special cliche reunion after he crushes your team

but his famous song ruined it

it blared in your head and it got 2x bass boosted when he sang it out loud, completely disregarding the fact that everyone was listening

‘you!’

you shrieked and pointed to him

he was your soulmate

and he was alive

not dead

everyone, including all players, looked at confusion between you and him but he just waved at you

‘ill talk to you later, little birdie!’

great, he embarrassed you in front of everyone

but you didnt care bc omg he was your soulmate!!

‘omg universe and fate, you actually like me to give me such a handsome soulmate!’

now, youre actually cheering on both teams

one was your home school the other was your soulmate

however,

there could only be one winner

and that winner was karasuno

you noticed the defeated looks of your soulmate and his teammates and you almost bursted into tears

you quickly maneuvered yourself through the people and found the familiar spiky hair standing at the doorway, looking at the gym with a forlorn expression

the others noticed you there, especially ushijima who gave you a nod and a small smile

‘i trust you’ll take care of him’

you nodded shakily, raising a hand in salute

‘y-yes!’

you approached him and his teary eyes almost made you bolt into his arms but you calmed yourself

instead, you didnt say anything

but you did sing

‘come stop your crying, it will be alright. just take my hand, and hold it tight. i will protect you, from all around you. i will be here, dont you cry.’

tendou looked to his side and saw you there, not looking at him but also looking at the same direction he was previously

‘my name is tendou satori’

despite already hearing his voice, you still turned red and you looked at him, warmth and love present in your eyes

‘and i’m l/n y/n’

‘you have a beautiful voice’

‘and you are beautiful’

that ending for shiratorizawa physically and emotionally and mentally broke me

[warmau]

★ donation request: childhood friends-to-lovers!au jaehyun 

it’s on monday when you realize that you lost it - the necklace jaehyun gave you when you were both kids.

you’re pretty sure his mom bought it and then forced him to wrap it (he did a terrible job) and he’d given it to you with the biggest pink blush on his face for your eleventh birthday

but you’d been so starstruck by the pretty silver star hanging off of it - that you’d slipped it over your head and just,,,,,,,never took it off

after a while, it just became something special to you

years of growing up as jaehyun’s best friend and never once did you or him find it awkward

you had some other accessories you held near and dear too, but it was a silent agreement that you’d just,,,,,,,always have this one on too

even when you were kissing other boys and jaehyun was wingman-ing your invitation to prom from neighborhood heartthrob lee taeyong

you remember tinkering with it when you guys were opening college acceptance letters

and twirling the little star charm between your fingers last week, when you and jaehyun met up to study for your finals

“you still have that thing?”

“it’s my good luck charm!”

he’d grinned, saying sure - the only luck you needed was to get back to studying

you’d scrunched up your nose and told him to be quiet, not registering the dirty looks some people were throwing your way

mostly because you understood: you were close to jung jaehyun, every person on campus was jealous

but now - you were sure you had lost it 

you had gone out last night with some friends, but you were sure you had it on when you went to bed

you only took it off for the night, leaving it on top of your desk where everything else important was

but now - it was gone

you can’t search your room, as you’ve got classes to run to, but you vow you’ll turn the place upside down when you get back

but you don’t find it. you search for two whole days every second you get and then its wednesday and you still dont know where it is.

its also the day of the week where you meet up with jaehyun

he’s coming back from swim team practice, and when he walks toward you - something in your mind plays a memory from when you were both still in highschool

jaehyun had already been swimming back then, and he’d found you in your front yard after practice

he’d come toward you - dimples gleaming with his smile, hair still a little wet, an old nike gym bag that had the keychain you’d given him as a gift from your family’s trip abroad hanging off the zipper

you’d been doing chores, or something and he had dropped his stuff and started helping you 

still in those sweatpants with your highschools name written on the left leg

you blink back the memory as jaehyun reaches you in the present and tilts his head

“are you ok, you look like you’ve seen a ghost?”

you strain a smile, not sure if you want to tell him about the necklace

but, you don’t even have to

his eyes skim the line of your neck and then meet yours again

“did something happen?”

he doesn’t even have to say what he’s referring to you, but you nod enough 

“y-yeah i think i lost the necklace you gave me,,,,,,,,or maybe i just need to look through my dorm again. ive been in every corner but -”

you shrug and try to play it off like its not big deal, but jaehyun isn’t fooled

you’ve had that necklace for a long time 

“do you want me to help you search?”

“yes”

you two had planned to just hangout, just talk about school and catch up - maybe plan a visit back to your hometowns

but instead you end up back in your dorm, jaehyun turning over pillows and pulling out drawers as you sweep through your room again

hours pass and neither of you find it, you end up sitting beside him on the floor

“it’s fine, i mean ive had it for like a decade or something now-”

you are saying, but jaehyun puts a large hand over yours

and another one of those memories floods back through you

you’re seniors and you’re telling jaehyun, on the floor of your bedroom, that you can’t make a decision about the future

he’s sitting so close and your shoulders are pressed against each other

you’re ranting, about the stress and fears of growing up, and he’s listening quietly

its almost dinner so you know he has to go - but then he takes your hand in his just as the prick of tears sting in your eyes

he squeezes your palm in his and says you shouldnt worry, youll never be alone in the future because hell always be by your side

you remember nodding, turning and facing him and - 

wanting to kiss him

the memory snaps to an end like a cloud of smoke disappearing - and you’re back in the moment

jaehyun is saying, “im sure youll find it, don’t worry. ill help you look anywhere.”

and squeezing your palm again - you look at him

you want to kiss him now too

but you don’t

when you wake up at the end of the week

you’ve come to conclusion that you are not going to find the necklace in your dorm, which means that its lost for good

you dress and get ready for class, picking something else to wear around your neck, but ultimately giving up

you open your door and see a small box laid out in front of you, curious, you pick it up and read the label on the front

‘from jaehyun’ 

slowly, you pull off the top and see a necklace inside - its a star with a pretty diamond in the middle

theres a note and you pluck it out

‘cant let you go on without your lucky charm. just pretend i gave you this when i was 11 instead’

you smile, and slip the necklace on - it doesnt feel weird like the others hand before

that evening you make time to stop by jaehyun’s 

his roommates arent home and he opens the door with messy hair and his glasses on

he smiles when he sees the necklace

“is it ok?”

he asks and you are about to say; “yes - it’s perfect, thank you.”

but something wont let the words come out - another memory interrupts them

you’re standing in front of jaehyuns door - the door of his family’s house - the door you’ve been in front of a million times before

and you’re crying, full on sobbing, because you’ve just been broken up with by your first real boyfriend

he’s got that messy hair and those glasses and he just tugs you into his arms 

and whispers something about how that guy is a blind, idiotic, loser to hurt you like this

but you remember now that you werent crying because you were upset about being dumped

you were crying because ,,,,,,,,, you never wanted that guy in the first place

when you were being told you just “weren’t what he was looking for” you had wanted to say

“neither are you. what im looking for has always been in front of me” 

because you had realized, time and time and time again, that it was jaehyun

and now you’re here and holding your hand over the necklace and jaehyun is standing again in front of you 

like he has so many times before

and you are about to do the thing you always do, keep pretending like being his friend is enough

but you can’t anymore

you lean forward, hands bunching up the front of his shirt and pulling him down into a kiss

you think you’re going to feel his hands gently push you away - and you embrace the real heartbreak you’re going to feel after

but instead

his hands circle around your waist, pressing you into him and letting his smile grow wider against your lips

when you pull back his eyes fixate on your own

“i thought you were just going to say thanks, but this is so much better.”

you scrunch up your nose and tell him that’s corny, but he just leans in to kiss you again

it’s on a friday that you and jaehyun realize something important - that this has been destined since you were both kids.

[statticscribbles]

Wind Chimes Pt 2

Summary: Sweet Pea/Reader Request: A Part two of Wind Chimes, TW: Abuse, Discussions of Abuse

You don’t mean to spend the night over in Sweet Pea’s, but its almost morning anyways theres no point in going back to get yelled at more. FP doesn’t push you instead asking how your mom’s been doing explaining how shed stopped showing up to meetings, you in return explained how she wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without Micheal, and since he wasn’t a serpent he couldn’t go. You try your best not to make a mess or bother sweet pea, opting to stay on the couch once FP leaves; after assuring you he’ll talk with your mom. You fall asleep and wake up in the bed, sitting up and looking around the room has you identifying the suddenly odd shaped couch as having Sweet Pea sleeping on it.

You manage to sneak out, after leaving a note letting Sweet Pea know you’ve just gone home. Your mothers making breakfast when you open the door, she turns cheerfully and offers you a plate, you claim you’ve already eaten as her boyfriend emerges. You can tell he’s looking at you when the content look drops off his face. “The kids back, you been slumming it with those snakes again? you know you’ll just end up knocked up and alone if you try to get with them. you know they wouldn’t want you as one of them right?” you don’t say anything just bow your head slightly; evidentially he wanted a verbal answer with how he shoves you, repeating himself.

“i know, they wouldn’t want me anyways. You don’t have to worry about me Micheal” you mimic whatever you think he wants to hear, relieved when he nods and gestures to the door. “I’m not worried for you. Hanging out with gang members is putting stress on your mother and i, how’re we supposed to get anything done with you running off with who knows doing god knows what kinds of drugs and going to parties. well go on I’m sure they’re waiting to bring you to school, if they even go of course.” you bite your lip to avoid saying anything as you start to walk to school.

“Need a lift y/n?” you nod as sweet pea pulls to a stop beside you, he offers you his helmet and waits till you nod to start his bike again. You feign a little more fear than necessary during the ride as an excuse to cling to him more. You worry you’re being clingy and annoying but Sweet Pea just smiles and tucks his keys into his pocket. “Your helmet!” you start to tug it off and he waits as you hover it out towards him. “Keep it, i’ll give you a lift later.” “What about fangs?” you question, confused when he pulls up in a car with Toni and a few other serpents. “Oh so thats why you wanted to take your bike, showing off like that is no way to impress a lady, you need to buy her dinner.” Toni laughs and Sweet Pea glares. “Shut it.” he smacks fangs on the shoulder and you jump.

“Sorry, fuck I’m sorry.” he speaks before you can react fluttering around you, the rest of the serpents watching curiously. “You not a fan of violence then?” Fangs asks and you blink out of your momentary stupor to shake your head. “I don’t mind just brought back some uncomfortable memories.” they nod leaving you and Sweet Pea alone. “Memories?” “It happened in the past, that means its a memory.” you counter and he smiles a tiny bit before looking serious as he looks you in the eyes. “I’m really sorry about that babe I didn’t even think about it freaking you out, I really am sorry.” Sweet Pea hangs his head. “Babe?” You question. “Yes?” “No I was asking why you called me babe.” “Oh. Cause I can; I can stop if you want.” You know you’re probably blushing. “No you don’t have to, its nice.” you smile and nod to him and then towards the school. “We should get to class.” He nods repeating what you said and following you, staring at the ground.

“You only like him because he can protect you. You don’t know the first thing about him” Micheal starts the minute he gets home, you know he saw you riding on the back of sweet peas bike. “I bet the first chance he gets, the minute he gets you alone he’ll hit you.” “Like you?” you cover your mouth but know its no use; Micheal stalks forward face blank as he curls his fist.

You try your best to cover the black eye with a mixture of your hair and makeup, its still visible, but looks healed by a few days, all you have to do is lie about the pain and no one should bother you. Micheal seems almost proud at the disgust on your mother’s face when she catches sight of you; you hope its disgust at what he’d done, not at you. You shake the thought from your head trying your best to not to let Micheal’s verbal attacks wear you down more. “I’m going for a walk.” You say mostly to the carpet as you take your keys and step three doors down.

“Hey y/n whats up?” You don’t respond stumbling forward trying to avoid touching your hair. “What happened y/n” You know sweet pea knows, you can hear the concern lacing his voice and when he cautiously tugs your arm you fold into him crying off the makeup you’d spent hours on.

Micheal learns from what he calls his mistake, you learn to keep any comments to yourself and he learns its much better to hit you in places you wont show anyone; of course since he thinks you’re sleeping around he concludes at least there will be bad lighting to hide it.

“Come on kid, no one actually wants to look at your face when they fuck you, they wont notice the bruises anyways. Suck it up; if you’re going to end up as the plaything for the serpents like your mother was the least you can do is take a hit without crying about it.”

Your excuse is you’re taking a shower, you shove you school bag full of as many clothes as you can, unsure of when you’ll be back. You’re thankful you don’t have to go far, sliding out your window and knocking three doors down. “Hey, study session right?” You know other people are here right now with how his hands grip the door. You hate that sweet pea got dragged into this, he can’t even spend time with his friends without you interrupting. You offer a slight nod.

“I can come back if you’re busy.” “Is that y/n? Tell her to come in; I need to talk to her.” You cringe at FP’s voice and follow Sweet Pea. “Hey Mr. Jones.” “I’ve told you its FP; now-“ “Actually before we talk, I wanted to ask; can I join the serpents?” You blurt out trying your best to avoid looking him in the eye. “Well great minds think alike, Sweet Pea and I were just talking about it. We both think it would be best, just for added security. Well I do anyways.” “You don’t want me join?” you frown at Sweet Pea who shakes his head.

“No i just, its complicated, we can talk later..” He nods to FP who laughs. “I know when I’m not wanted, see you two at your trials; Sweet Pea, no cheating to help her okay..” Sweet Pea nods and you turn to him nerves building. “Listen I get I’m a burden and a nuisance right now, but if I join the serpents I don’t have to shadow you all the time so you can get your life back. I get I don’t offer anything of value to the- Sweet Pea?” You break from your rant to watch him frown.

“You’re not a burden, or a bother or a nuisance or any other thing like that. Im spending my time helping you because I like you, because I want to protect you, I want to help you. I’m going out of my way, sure, but its worth it knowing you’re safe.” He sighs. “Let me put it this way, if I have to sleep on the couch every night, just so I know you’re not sleeping in the same place as that asshole, I’m more than happy to do that.” “we can just share the bed, or i can take the cou-” You shrug half heartily pausing at his scowl. “-sharing the bed it is then.” You smile at him setting your bag down. “Oh here, I cleared out a drawer for you, well its mostly Fangs’ and Toni’s things, they used to stay here a lot.”

It becomes normal, a relief to return to Sweet Pea’s everyday. You’re an official Serpent; Sweet Pea insisting that you’re the best recruit they’ve ever had. The Serpents themselves seem relieved, and a few of the older ones ask about your mom, you give what updates you can, she seemed to be doing better although Micheal still came around too often for you to want to go home.

“I’m sorry please don’t-“ You don’t finish the sentence ducking down to pull the plate fragments from the carpets, nervous when Sweet Pea stops you. “Hey y/n, it’s okay sweetheart, it’s fine.” “You’re not going to hurt me?” You cringe as you calm down from the panic, he’s staring at you. “No y/n, I’m not going to hurt you, I’d never hurt someone I love.” You nod nervously still holding the plate shards and he pulls the trashcan over. “There, all clean, hey wait don’t step there you could hurt yourself.” Sweet Pea says, lifting you up and swivelling to place you down in a plate free area. He finishes cleaning up returning from dumping the trashcan outside. “Whats wrong Y/N?”

“Hm? oh, nothing, I love you too.” You try your best to sound nonchalant but cant help the smile when his face pinks. “You love me; wait too? Did I- dammit, I was saving that for a more romantic moment.” “Picking up a plate is plenty romantic.” You counter and he smiles nodding to the bed where you curl up next to him. “ So Y/N, would you like to be my girlfriend then?” “Yes please.” “You don’t need to say please I asked you.”

“It’s polite, you need to learn manners.” You laugh and he shakes his head. “i have manners, it’s just silly of you to ask if you can be my girlfriend when I already asked you to date me.” You blink shaking your head. “That doesn’t make sense, dating doesn’t mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.” “It does to me” Sweet Pea nods to you. “Same goes but-“ “Then theres no buts, were dating and boyfriend and girlfriend that’s how it works.” “Not always.” You counter and he laughs. “Of course, but for us it does.” You fall asleep in Sweet Pea’s arms and when you wake in the middle of the night he’s still next to you, you turn slightly curling into his arms as he half wakes up. “What’s wrong?” He mumbles still half asleep. “It’s quiet.” You shrug a little and he presses a kiss against your cheek. “Go back to sleep babe, it’s too early.” You nod settling down but jump bumping into his arms as you hear a sound outside the door. “Y/N, it’s okay sweetheart, just the wind.” He nuzzles into your hair pulling the blanket closer.

Support My Writing?

[peachiikawa]

Hi! Could you please do some Haikyuu headcanons for Kuroo, Oikawa, and Nishinoya with an s/o who tends to overwork themselves (like they stay up late to work/study, get frustrated but keep pushing themselves, etc.)? Thank you!!

Kuroo Tetsurou

will be so worried if he starts to notice the bags under your eyes

he will notice that your nose is always in your notes at any given moment, whether it be during class or while youre waiting for him during practice

“hey y/n”

you dont seem to hear him and though you dont see it hes getting super worried

he invited you to his house to hang out for a little bit but you guys have hardly spoken

he rolls his eyes and grabs the notebook out of your hands

“wait kuroo no-”

he held the book up above his head and stared at you with his classic shit eating grin

“ah~ theres my cute little y/n”

he’ll then scoop you up into his arms and hold you while you struggle to get out

“kuroo stop i really need to study”

this only makes him hold on tighter

“y/n you can take a break. its not bad to have one every once in a while. please just let me do this for you”

you can feel yourself starting to relax in his arms so you give up on fighting him back

maybe he was right, a break cant be that bad

Oikawa Tooru

oikawa knows all too well what its like to overwork yourself

so he immediately steps in when he notices your fatigue

if you dont listen to him then he’ll start whining

“y/nnnn please take a break! you never know when to quit! cant you feel yourself getting tired!”

you rolled your eyes

“thats rich coming from you”

he knew he also had a problem with overworking himself

but he also knew how it felt to have someone who stopped him before he was in too deep

“y/n please”

you froze upon hearing how sincere he sounded and the next thing you knew your hand was in his

“lets go home, okay?”

Nishinoya Yuu

noya will act oblivious at first but he will step in if he thinks its too much

he do anything in his power to help the ones he cares about

even if the person who is hurting you is you he wont back down

“y/n you need to stop. practicing this much will only hurt you”

you had been practicing your spikes for hours but none of them felt right

none of them felt good

and it was starting to piss you off

“one more”

you started to line yourself back up again but noya caught your arm

“y/n enough is enough. everyone has an off day but that doesnt make you any less of a player! you can pick up where you left off tomorrow”

his grip on you tightened and he looked at you with pleading eyes. you knew you had lost

“so lets start cleaning up, please”

[paneerlajwanti]

What do u do when you are overwhelmed by college? Like there isn't anything much to do but I keep postponing everythin and procrastinating, I just can't focus on anything, and it's been like tht this entire sem, idk what I'll do once exams start🥺🥺 I can't even focus on developing any skills which might prove useful. To sum it up, I can't seem to do anything other than sleeping and worrying about how I'm not doing anything. Is there anything that you do which helps when you can't focus?🥺

Also, I love your blog(and you too) and you are so sweet and nice😘😘

hi anon, (this is an ask for you and an order for me, at least if i write this out, i might be able to implement at least a small portion of it in my actual life),, im actually the worst person to ask for this because more than often, a lot of things spiral out of control, on my own will with nobody to blame. im actually proud of how well i dragged myself through this semester,, even though thats something not to be proud of.

i dont know what i do when i get overwhelmed by college. if i had a schedule and if i wouldve not been as dependent on unhealthy coping mechanisms then maybe i wouldve been less overwhelmed.

so i would like to first fix that. i would firstly like to create a schedule, not the optimistic "ideal adarsh baccha" kind, but a realistic timetable that i actually relate to without having to cut down on my downtime and feeling guilty about it. i create blocks of different sectors of mylife instead of hyper-minute goals and lists. they scare me and i never end up doing everything required, even though lists and planning can give a sense of accompllishment. blame my time management skills for that.

i do procrastinate A LOT. i mean at an astronomical level, i wont even budge from my comfort zone and get things working until the deadline is very near and its very dangerous and i dont have time,, apparently the only way i have ever functioned in the past and even now is if theres a pressing influence of either time, people or impressing.

i dont also have a good study routine, but i also dont have the right motivation or attention span to dedicate time to it.

what really helps me is taking notes. taking notes multiple times and in different ways, writing it down or creating a mind-map of sorts atleast keeps your mind involved, you dont feel guilty that you havent studied at all, and youre able to overview the contents of the subject.

i keep my spirits up with music. i actually have study music playlists that i play, that actually helps me a lot. also, bold of me to say that decluttering my room and organizing my things clears my mind and makes me feel a little better when i dont even do it regularly unless urgent need to. (even though it takes up energy to do that too and i often marinate in the chaos)

i understand exactly how you feel. you're not alone. dont pull yourself down, you are trying your best and youre progressing, one day at a time. im proud of you.

[positivityforlesbians]

hi i was so confident in my sexuality for years. when i realised i liked women 5 years ago. i could imagine cuddling, kissing them, doing nsfw, etc. but the past few months my mind started making me think of men, topless and stuff. but imagining doing things with them makes me want to throw up. it’s been happening so much that i cant think about women. normally i feel things when i look at women in lingerie, but suddenly im not feeling anything, like something is stopping me. every time i try to think of kissing them my mind doesnt let me enjoy it. like theres a feeling in my stomach stopping me. i was so gay. i related to wlw shows and music videos, now i watch them and it’s like i cant have that. i wanted to marry a woman, i always watched lesbian weddings. i still do. but my brain keeps telling me it has to be with a man. like before when i see a pretty girl i would get butterflies and wanted to kiss her when i see one now i dont get that feeling. i have been in lockdown for a few months which hasnt helped. i have weird tension in my stomach like its forcing me to make me think of men and it wont let me like women. it wont stop. at first i thought it was comphet bc i was kept anslysing every man i saw to see if i was attracted to him but it’s got out of hand. i felt like myself being attracted to women now i feel lost. and keep thinking im attracted to every man i see although im not but it’s like some type of impulse. it just wont stop. im worried i’ll never feel anything for women again. i wanna wake up and all the thoughts to be gone, and to be gay.

Hi, even if it turns out you are attracted to men (which is something that should feel natural, not “forced”, not something that makes a person distressed) it still wouldn’t suddenly make you not attracted to women. That’s not how it works. Bi women exist. So actually this is at least about internalized homophobia, as shown with your sentence : “my brain keeps telling me it has to be with a man”, your brain is not a different entity than you, you are thinking these thoughts but these thoughts can be influenced by a homophobic society, our brains can be tricked easily if we’re not careful enough about our environment and how toxic the messages spread around us can be, especially if we have mental illnesses. If you loved women before then there’s no reason why this would just fly away, i’m not an expert but I suppose you have unconsciously created a wall between you and anything related to loving women. I’ve only heard about people losing interest for the same-sex when they take hormones of the opposite sex in order to transition (but I don’t think this consequence happens frequently either), which is sad as fuck and definitely some type of conversion therapy. 

What you describe is also possibly about compulsory heterosexuality if you really aren’t into men, to quote you : “imagining doing things with them (men) makes me want to throw up” and “ I keep thinking i’m attracted to every man i see although i’m not but it’s like some type of impulse”, all ways to check ourselves to see if maybe we were lying to ourselves all along and homophobes “were always right”. My teenage years taught me one thing, it is that we do not analyze every man to see if we’re attracted to them, what we do is being attracted to people, naturally, and for lesbians that’s never men. We don’t look at women and think “is she attractive, is this one attractive, and this one ?” Like, you know, checking woman after woman and searching for a nice feeling in ourselves. We just feel it naturally, that’s attraction.

Like I said in the beginning of my answer, bi women exist. So maybe it’s that. Or maybe it’s not (see my second paragraph) and in that case you’re going through a tough and confusing moment in your life right now. My advice when things become overwhelming is to get off the internet/ social media for a while to reconnect with oneself, your thoughts, nature, the outside world (even though that’s limited currently), that’s the best thing you can do. A vacation for your spirit. The black screens are causing a lot of troubles in ourselves, studies show that the more time we spend on them the more risks of depression and anxiety increase. There’s too much informations we receive everyday because of them and as humans we aren’t wired for that, I myself took breaks and since this year I am reducing my time on social media (because of depression and anxiety, precisely), it will give you more time to feel. Not analyze, feel. This could help you see things more clearly. This isn’t a light tip, mental health is to be taken seriously. It’s not pleasant to “feel like you have a weird tension in your stomach forcing you to make you think of men and not letting you like women”, and therefore it’s not something normal. It’s a negative feeling you have because you internalize negative thoughts (that you didn’t have before) about being with a woman. I don’t know how to help you more than what I said about reconnecting with yourself, your own thoughts and feelings, you. Xx