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#its always been bad but like now its getting bad to the point where im probably only going to use it to check in on the people in my area
triannel · 2 days
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HI!!! I adore how you write bill, an my own birthday is tomorrow an im ✨Terrified✨✨,, n was wondering ifff. You could do a sorta angst-fluff where its the readers birthday, but every single one of his birthdays has been awful. And like, now that bills here with the reader he feels like maybe he wont have to Just survive his birthday? That even with his god awful family, it might be ok. Like yeah the meds help, but it doesnt fix anything if the people youre with are why youre fucked yknow? IDK and maybe bill decides to take it upon himself to remove the readers family😋 cant be a neglected middle child w all the responsibilities of the eldest if youre an orphan/J AN I DONT MIND HOW CLOSE YOU STAY TO THIS I LOVE YOUR WRITING ANYWAYS!!
(,,,o n also the reader maybe be a grungey scene kid kinda guy? Lots of piercings, an is more feminine than his parents think he should be, especially as a trans guy, So thats smth. Love bones n bugs and shinies an is like if a dog n crow were a guy,, n supr srry if this is a bad req!! Im jus excited cus i love bill, and im also stressy out cus of my burthdayy >_<“) SO NO PRESSURE TO RESPOND ESPECIALLY IF THIS IS TOO LONG OR ANYTHIMG!!!/gen
-🌙
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Hello and Happy Birthday 🌙 anon! I've managed to whip this up and I hope it gives you at least some sort of comfort for today. I really do hope you're situation gets better soon, take care of yourself and have a great day! (Also, don't worry, I never really do mind long asks.)
BirthDate
Oneshot | Bill Cipher x Reader | Fluff/Comfort?
Warnings: Mention of Death, Implied Abuse, Implied Trauma, Implied Bad Birthdays, Bill Cipher lol
Quickly stepping upstairs, you lock yourself in your bedroom, blocking all the noise emenating from downstairs. Exhaling, you drop to your bed, letting yourself relax into comfort of the soft mattress and fluffy pillows.
Only needing rest by this point, you close your eyes. Wanting nothing more than to leave this place behind.
"WHOA, DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE YOU SO EARLY!" A voice suddenly spoke, booming loudly for you to hear.
Ah yes, there he is. You can't exactly say he's your best pal, but right this moment, you truly do feel more at ease with him than being back there.
"It's honestly been a long day so..." You shrugged for a moment before continuing, "Does it bother you?" You ask, giving a lighthearted smile.
"NOT AT ALL, I WOULDN'T BLAME ANYONE BY WANTING TO MEET YOURS TRULY," he spoke, blinking slowly in a dramatic way to show off his 'impressive looks'.
You chuckle slightly, shaking your head, "I mean, I don't think I'm exactly the one to choose to be here..." speaking your thought aloud just to perhaps tease him a little as you glance at him for a moment before slightly chuckling once more.
You never really did know how you even get to meet him to be honest, he somewhat always manages to show up in your dreams, so overtime you guessed that he might be the one approaching you...That, or it might be because of something else entirely.
For a moment, you thought you saw him become nervous for a second, but maybe it didn't happen at all as you only saw it for less than a second.
"WELL, JUST WANTED TO CHECK HOW YOU'RE DEALING WITH KNOWING YOU'RE ONE YEAR CLOSER TO YOUR DEATH," he flatly said, in a weird, eerie way. He always did love being weird so this type of behaviour wouldn't be uncommon by this point.
"Right... Well, what's the agenda for this time then? Or are you busy?" You ask, avoiding your 'birthday' in question. You'd much rather not talk about your birthday at all to be honest. Not a single one ever went well...
Adjusting his bowtie, he started to speak, "WELL..."
Snapping his fingers, your surroundings completely change.
The rest of your 'dream' went on a relatively good note. Having a cup of tea, playing chess, you both did the usual activities you both would do when meeting in your subconscious mind. But the only thing is that, he seemed to be more...well a bit more charming and noticeably, but only slightly more open to your suggestions on what else to spend time on.
He'd usually take the wheel and drag you through any activity he wants, but this time though, this time he was a bit more...considerate.
Now playing a board game with him, you take the dice and roll it. Getting one, Bill chuckles slightly at your misfortune for a second before taking the dice from you.
He might be treating you like this because it's your birthday, but you'd doubt it... Well at least for now-
"EY, IT'S YOUR TURN TOOTS," he snapped his finger a few times in front of your face.
Chuckling, you mutter an apology before taking the dice. Rolling it in your hands, you then let it go. As the dice lands on the floor, it lands on a six, letting you be the winner for the match.
"Yess, I won!" You raise your arms, smiling back at him.
"CHECK AGAIN." Bill spoke, pointing at your piece. Looking down at the board, you see a newly added tile in front of your piece, moving the finish line out of reach. You raise your eyebrow, giving him the side eye.
"WHAT? I DON'T MAKE THE RULES," he raised his shoulders, smiling mischievously with his eye.
Shaking your head, you chuckled at his silly banter while giving him the dice for his turn.
It's unexpected but, this dorito triangle man truly has made a significance on making your birthday much more bearable. Be it his choice to do it or not, you're honestly just glad to at least have some semblance of joy sprout on this day.
I haven't been able to post for a week because unfortunately I became rlly busy at the moment and it isn't helping that I do tend to procrastinate at times. I'll post more regularly later, but for now at least, I'll post this here. Once again, happy birthday 🌙 anon!
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perilegs · 1 month
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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dullahandyke · 10 months
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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hella1975 · 2 years
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by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn
#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem#& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss#and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified#whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing#but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!!#like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard#(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha)#is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this#like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp#and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life#and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM#THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER#SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME#but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself#and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it#like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe#that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love#or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress)#and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness#otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc#and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway#like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done#('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us)#whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me#and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response#AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT#like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart#ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum#but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism#taob updates
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aashiqui-aashiqui · 5 months
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so i deleted insta for a while and downloaded it again recently and why has it gotten exponentially worse somehow. wtf is the meta ai thing always there. whys just everything….bad?
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yoshistory · 1 year
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i really fuckin hate my current roommate situation for multiple reasons. one of which is due to him deciding to quit her job immediately after i moved down here i had to be the only leaseholder with a secret roommate situation. and now. their gate system is changing and uses an app to open the gate with a verified occupant's phone number. fuuuuck im like banging my head against the wall
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skyllion-uwu · 9 months
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They should invent a me that feels real and doesn't self sabotage
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gaystardykeco · 1 year
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not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again
#feeling more and more like a robot and less and less like a person the emptier my life gets#the future is so empty like its just work and isolation forever#i have one thing left at the end of this week and then after that its just work and family and alone#and i think numbing out completely is really the only way ill be able to cope at all#i didnt used to really be able to do that but maybe now im to the point where i just have to so its become an option#idk i also might just be lying to myself and be about to get hit really hard with how bad this all is tomorrow#job interview friday. but plausibly i dont think i can take the job even if i get it bc i just dont think i can move to nyc#i just feel like ive hit a dead end#like i was a side character in someone elses story and that person has moved on so im just like floating in stasis#bc my part of the story is over i wrote myself out of their lives so i don't really exist anymore#idk my brain is telling me all these things that i know are silly but feel so true and i just am tired and empty#sorry to be dramatic and complain again just dreading work so bad#i just dont see any path forward thats not this forever loop like i cant make or have real connections with other ppl#and thats whats supposed to make a life real and worth living#but ive never had the capacity to connect right and ive never had passion for anything and ive never been able to really love and be loved#and i dont know how to fix any of it bc honestly i dont think any of its fixable#ill always be an emotionally harmful drain on anyone i think i love and ill always be left when they realize that#and then ive just hurt another person and i dont want to be a person that just hurts people so i cant be around people anymore#but its so empty and its so lonely and i hate myself so fucking much#anyway. i sound like a pathetic whiny teenager lmao sorry i know how stupid it all is i promise
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ankhisms · 1 year
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i dont want to be brave about it all any more i want to scream and cry but i must continue on somehow
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chalkeater · 2 years
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Im soo happy i made the art of the height comparisons thing but oh my god some people are just So Wrong about the canon heights or are completely misunderstanding the SIMPLE point/joke/au/headcanon whatever- i was TRYING to make. Like on one hand i totally agree that yeah youre right Noelle isnt THAT SHORT im 6’2 and she’s 6’0. Monsters are just tall in my source but if people are gonna agree with me they should at least not be wrong about it .. how many times do i have to read “good headcanon but its not canon” girl its my little personal joke and indulgent thing “um Noelle is actually taller than susie anyway” no Count the pixels?? “youre wrong noelle is canonically shorter-“ im not stupid im just suggesting people consider a little fun idea that isn’t canon on purpose
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emi1y · 2 years
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genuinely think i have a spending problem its not very funny anymore guys :/
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hoshiyoshis · 2 years
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hhh
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nomairuins · 19 days
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thank GODDD the doctor is taking time to work on himself maybe now he can stop ruining womens lives .
#mildly joke but im so excited those specials were so fun...#we watched all the 14th dr specials bc Major donna fan ohh my god they were fun i liked them....#i worry im like. being unfair somehow. but i loved like..some of the things with 13 i just likee. the writing it was..off to me... sigh. i#rly wish her seasons had better writers i suppose. BUT. im excited bc my mom told me 15s run is super good so far#i cant believe im almost caught up wndr who. a crazy world i live in. i suppose next me and my mom will have to huddle around an old timey#radio like max n ruby to listen to the audio dramas#and then wencan read bedtime stories to eachother or something#Or of course i could just track down the old series. KDNFJFN. but the computer always its a commodity...#but ya. those were funn i rly liked the like. 2 of them had a bit of body horror like. mild babys first body horror. but i liked it. and#they were funnyyy god i missed donna so bad the show is SO funny with her there. the chemistry w her and 10nis just chefs kiss. loves it#i feel bad bc i liked the like. Suggested personalities of the last companions but they felt kind of lackluster in practice ? like..it felt#like we were told how they were but in practice they kind of just. were there. and then would react to the dr. and then were judt there#idk... i wish they had been more like. fleshed out one supposes#it rly to me feels like they spent 13s seasons kind of just farting around and then covid hit and they were like Fuck now we have to like.#avtually write a plot#flux was like. i think you can do a storyline w like. a bunch of different plotlines that all ties up but it was confusing#😭😭 it ws like. ig rhe most engaged i was w/ 13 but thats just bc stuff was being thrown at me constantly...#but ya. its rly nice to see donna again after having a bunch of companions who just didnt feel like they got their time to shine. in my eyes#bc donna feels so well written and real and like. believable to me. like it feels like shes an active member instead of like. just standing#around and then having her alloted 4 minute emotional conversation before jumping back into action. yk#also i literally said as soon as the bigeneration happens Oh rhis is good 14 can judt go be a weird uncle. ajd then he literally did#so funny tho that rose and donna get their own tennant doctors and then my best friend martha is just chopped liver ig.#good for her tho. that man needs to stay away from her (joke)#but ya. YAY. intrigued by nailpolish woman its also fun bc weve gotten to the point where my mom has only watched the episodes once#so she knows less and its more fresh for her#which is rly fun. im a little worried about umm. when were fully caught up#bc i believe my mom and dad watch the eps together#and like. yk. much love to my dad but like. idk me and my mom have a specific sort of banter when we watch and like. he sits in sometimes#and i tend to just go silent 😭😭😭#its like. not a conscious thing i just. yk. i have trouble being Relaxed when theyre in the same room together
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29121996 · 7 months
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#been depressed all day lmao#i woke up at like 10am and reLises how awful i felt so i was in and out of sleep until lile 3#n then i had to do shit so now i feel meh still idk . its just Awful.#thr weather + recent events are the main cause . but i have a feeling i am pickinh up on someone elses energy#bc i braid my haor and it lessens a little (i use a braid as a cuttibg point so i dont pick up on ppls energy. it works)#esp since . my hair IS uh . rlly absorbent. ill wash my hair n can usually go 3 days without washing it#if i brush n braid . but if i dont do that#and have a RLLY bad day where im interractibg w sm ppl esp if theure all (or majority) in bad m99ds#ill need to rewash my haor again within 24hra#n i always feel better after wsshing my haor and id love to wash it daily but . hair dye is finicky as it is#anyway im fine its fine . id like . to feel better :( i dont like being like this at all but itll pass#i just gotta . Keep Fighting it as best as i can . whicb isnt easy but its not as hard as it used to be#im just . i showered and i plan to do a bit of washing u0 abd washing once my dad goes to work .#n then i gotta buy tobacco at some point#side note not having a job has me in a rlly weird . mental state. time kinda just flows tgth idk what day of the week it is half the time#this was needed im ngl . bc i am . dealign with stuff (begrudgingly) n . im not rlly broke bc i seem to b getting money from#a few diff sources but not a lot . just enough to vover the vasics of what i need
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everybodysaycbx · 1 year
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#cant sleep...#feels weird that its been 10 years now. shes been gone for so long now but i remember it so well#the pains like a phantom pain tho. i can remember her without crying (tho i am now lol) and not all the memories hurt#but the pain isnt always detatched from the memories. that part of my childhood where she was always there feels......idk how to describe it#im always aware that its gone and sometimes i can live with the reality of it and appreciate my friendship with her#but sometimes the hurt comes back so forcefully and so painfully i want to scream and scream#and sometimes it feels like i am but i was just dissociated for a few hours#my family is still.....unsure of how to act when i exhibit pain about this. idk if its from guilt that they didnt help me initially or...#is it annoyance that this still affects me...maybe both. guess they cant get how my friends suicide when we were in high school would hurt#whether they feel guilty for how they didnt help it doesnt really matter ig bc i know they wont apologize no matter how much id like them to#idk what to do about it tho. i dont think i can just get over that at this point i mean ive waited 10 years#if anyone has advice dm me ig but dont tell me to let it go bc i just cant#ive made my peace with any culpability i have in her death and if her spirit harbors anger with me then thats fine#her family doesnt and has never seemed upset with me so i have no reason to be thinking it but idk. i just couldve done more#but whats done is done and dwelling on what couldve been is a bad road to go on. esp at almost 3 am#i hope and wish for her to be at peace and everyone who loved her to find it if they havent yet#if anyone else has had to go through this too know you can talk to me esp if you dont have anyone else#i had really no one i could talk to about it without feeling like i was burdening everyone else who was in the same situation at the time#and i dont want anyone else to feel like that so. i hope everyones well#otherwise if that doesnt apply to you but you want to cheer me up send me some cute videos or memes or whatever#ive been trying to keep my mind off it for the most part since ive had to work and dont want to have a breakdown there lol#and i have to work tonight so that would be helpful#but anyway i think thats enough of my rambling and depressing thoughts#tw: death#tw: suicide
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im-sleepdeprived · 4 months
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do u think u can do a Peter Parker x reader where reader is gone for a while and has her phone off, and Peter gets super scared only to find out she’s alright?? I love ur work u’re the best xx
'No location found'
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pairing: peter parker x reader
a/n: thank you for the request !!!! i had this written, then I decided to rewrite it lmao. I pictured college pete but Im not sure if I specified, also not sure if anyone saw my post abt writing a fic inspired by ‘peter’ by taylor swift but i think im going to start working on that and that its gonna be a mini series👀.... so stay tuned and request something in the meantime !!
warnings: none
masterlist, requests are open !!
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“That’s not what I said!”
“Oh? Well, that’s what I heard.”
You two had been going at it for a while now. Peter had missed yet another date you’d both planned. It’d been a while since you both spent time together, and you thought he was finally going to change that. Until he just stood you up again. 
You’d thought after moving in together, you’d see him all the time. The opposite was true. He was always out, either on patrol, at Stark Tower, or wherever else his Superhero duties took him.  The problem was, that place never seemed to be with you.
“Y/N please-”
“No, Peter! I’m sick of it! I try to be understanding, I really do, I try to give you grace, but every time I do it’s like you just make it worse.” You sighed and ran a hand through your hair, “Honestly at this point, it feels like you don’t even care anymore.”
His face fell. “Come on baby. You can't seriously think that! It was just a mistake, I won't do it again.”
You nodded, “Right. Think I’ve heard that one before.” You turned around and walked towards your shared bedroom.
“Woah, hey. Wait a minute, where’re you going?” His voice was hurt, and you almost felt bad for turning your back.
Shaking your head and looked down at your dress. You’d gotten all dressed up, expecting a nice dinner followed by a walk in the park. You said, “I’m tired, I’m gonna change and get ready for bed. Sorry, but hey, at least now your schedule is freed up,” you gave him a weak smile, “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Y/N you know it’s not like that. Look you’re all dressed up,” he reached for your arm, “we can still go out. Please, let me make it up to you”
Looking into his eyes, it took everything in you to pull away. 
“Peter,” you whispered, voice so quiet, yet so full of emotion. 
“I don’t want us to fight,” he begged. 
'We’re not fighting, not anymore. I just want to be alone.”
“Okay.” He nodded, but still kept his hand on you, reluctant to let go. “I’ll sleep on the couch?”
You nodded, not trusting your voice right now.
He deflated. He wasn’t exactly expecting you to object, but still. It hurt that you wanted to be away from him so bad. 
“Good night,” he muttered, watching you walk towards the door with sullen eyes. “I’m right here if you need anything.”
You gave him the tiniest tip of your head, not even bothering to turn around, “Night.”
There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight.
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You slept in that day. It was Saturday and you didn’t feel like doing anything. Even after you woke up, you stayed in bed scrolling on your phone, heart pounding a little harder when you saw messages from Peter pop up, before effectively sliding them away.
After a few hours of doomscrolling, you stepped out of the room. You could see a throw blanket neatly folded on the couch, you have no idea if he’d even used a pillow. Your heart thrummed with guilt and you decided that tonight he was definitely sleeping on the bed. Or at the very least, you’d sleep on the couch. 
Walking into the kitchen, you noticed a tray with a note sitting atop a covered plate. When you got closer, you saw that the note held a cheesy breakfast pun. So Peter.
I love you a waffle lot! With a bunch of hearts around it. You couldn’t help it, you cracked a smile. He was such a dork. And you loved it. 
You heated up your breakfast and had gotten well into eating when your phone started ringing. Was it Peter? You didn’t really want to speak to him, not yet at least. You’d kind of hoped you wouldn’t have to until tonight-
You picked up your phone and almost let out a sigh of relief when you realized it was just one of your friends, Maddie. Then you felt bad for feeling relieved. 
You answered the phone. “Hey Mads, how's it going.” 
“Hi Y/N! Good! I was just calling to see if you wanted to go out tonight? Listen, before you say no-”
“No that sounds great actually,” you cut her off quickly, eager for an excuse to get out of the house. You’d been canceling plans for way too long in hopes of spending even a moment with Peter, and it seemed as if even your friends had noticed. But no more.
“Really? Great! So there's this raging new club,” she went on, giving you all the details of who was going and who might be there and you listened but barely felt a hint of excitement. You weren’t sure if it was because it was a frat party, and those things rarely appealed to you, or if it was lingering feelings from your argument with Peter. Which reminded you why you’d wanted to go out in the first place. 
“We’re gonna pregame at my place though, so stop by here and I’ll take you!” She finished, making you smile. Maddie was always sweet, a little more wild than you, but that’s what made you like her. 
“Sure Maddie, thanks for the invite.”
“Of course, can’t wait to see you, I feel like it's been forever since we went out together.”
You let out a small laugh, “I know what you mean. But we’re gonna change that tonight. 
You said your goodbyes and hung up. You needed to start getting ready soon, despite you just eating breakfast, you’d stayed in all morning and it was pretty late already. 
You got ready quietly, only a playlist you’d turned on droning in the background as you did your hair and makeup. You walked over to the closet to pick out an outfit and felt a little sad. Usually, Peter was here during this part, helping you pick out something, annoying you when he said you looked beautiful in everything. 
“Peter! I need real criticism!”
“Well, I can’t help it if my girl looks stunning in everything!”
You picked out a nice outfit you deemed fit for clubbing before grabbing a pair of heels and stepping out of your room. Looking around at the empty apartment you realized you should probably let Peter know you weren’t going to be home tonight. You didn’t feel like calling him though, and if you didn’t want to open his messages from earlier either so you decided to take a page out of his book. 
Grabbing a sticky note, you wrote down the briefest of explanations, before sticking it on your fridge and leaving. 
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He had sent texts saying Good morning!, Do you need anything?, and another explaining he’d be out for a while but he’d made you breakfast, all in hopes of you responding to him. You didn’t, but that wasn’t too shocking to him. It didn’t make it hurt any less though. 
He knew he fucked up. He knew he’d disappointed you again, let you down again. He knew he deserved this and more. He should be grateful you weren’t giving him the more. And he was! But he couldn’t help the small selfish part of him that just wished you would let him take you out tonight, or give him something else he could do to make up for it because there was nothing he hated more in the world than when you were mad at him. And he did not want to sleep on the couch again. Sure it was uncomfortable but that was the least of his worries. He hated not sleeping next to you.
That had been his favorite part about the two of you moving into your own place, that he got to hold you every night. After a rough night of patrolling, or working too long on his studies, or a new gadget, he got to go home and hold you, get lost in your touch, and that always made everything better. And it killed him to know you were just down the hall, and he wasn’t with you. 
He tried his best to rush everything, trying to get all his work done for the day so he could spend the whole night with you. He was planning a movie night, bingeing all your favorites. He was gonna give you a proper date, soon, but right now, all that mattered was you two spending time together. 
On his way home, he stopped at a corner store to grab snacks for the two of you, making sure to get all your favorite ones. He even stopped at a flower shop not far from your apartment to grab you a bouquet and his heart fell when he realized how long it’d been since he’d done this. He definitely deserved the more. 
He knocked on the door of your apartment a few times and his heart fell as he realized you were either dead set on ignoring him, or you weren’t home. When he pulled out his keys and let himself in, he realized it was the latter. 
Sighing, he set down the bags of snacks and placed the bouquet down as he ran a hand through his hair as he walked around. He entered the kitchen and felt a little better when he saw the dishes he’d used to plate your breakfast were washed and on the drying rack, meaning you’d eaten. 
He was about to pull out his phone to see if he’d missed a text from you when he saw something on the fridge. 
“Went out. Be home late.”
His brows furrowed as he read. He didn’t know you had plans. Hell, he didn’t even know if you had plans now, your note barely explained anything.
All he could do was wait until you came home to sort everything out.
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Peter could handle the silent treatment (barely), but what he couldn't handle, was not knowing if you were safe or not. No. That wouldn’t fly. 
He’d sent you a text when he got home, letting you know he got your note and to have fun and be safe. 
An hour later, he sent another text. Just as a little check-in. Still no response. 
It had been about three hours since he’d gotten back when he noticed that his messages had lost the little mark that indicated they were delivered. Weird. 
He tried to call you, he’d refrained from doing so before because he thought he should let you have your space (which was why, he assumed, you’d left in the first place) but it didn’t even ring, he just got sent straight to voicemail. 
What made him really start to panic, however, was when he went to check your location, which he felt so stupid for not doing before, and it wouldn’t load. It kept saying ‘no location found’ making his heart beat harder.
This was worse. You were ignoring him, his messages and calls weren’t going through. Something was wrong, was your phone off? Were you mugged? Or even worse-
He stopped himself before he could spiral too hard. That wouldn’t help, right now, he needed to figure out where you were and if you were okay.  He knew you weren’t the kind of person who would go out to bars or parties alone. Maybe you went out with a friend? Or maybe you were at a friend's? It was a place to start. 
He started calling your friends, people he knew you might go out with, and on the fifth call he finally got answers. Or…something like that. 
“Hello?” Maddie yelled into the phone, making Peter pull his phone away. 
“Hey Maddie, it’s Peter.”
“Oh yeah, Y/N’s dude,” she slurred. 
“Yeah, yeah, Y/N’s dude. Hey listen, is she with you? She went out tonight but she forgot to tell me where, and now my messages aren’t sending.” His pulse was racing. It sounded like Maddie was out, if the blaring music in the background was anything to go off of, and he was desperate to know you were okay. 
“Sorry Patrick, what’d you say,” she asked making Peter’s brows furrow. They weren’t exactly friends, but he’d met Maddie a few times. Enough times for her to know his name was not Patrick.
He shook his head, that didn’t matter right now. “Y/N. Is she with you, do you go out together?”
“Oh!” She exclaimed as if she’d just remembered something. “Yeah, she is!”
Peter let out a sigh of relief. 
“Or, she was.” He held his breath again. 
“What do you mean ‘she was’? Where is she?”
“I dunno, she left I think.” Maddie let out a little hum as if to say ‘too bad!’ and Peter was sure she must be extremely intoxicated, otherwise there was no way she could be so casual about something like this. He could barely keep himself together.
He ran a hand over his face as he tried not to raise his voice. This was getting frustrating. “She left? Where’d she go? Where are you right now?”
“I don’t know…she was bored I think. She was off today. S’shame, she looked so hot.”
His heart clenched when he realized the reason you were off, was because of him. You didn’t have fun, so you left, now he had no idea where you were and it was all his fault. 
“Where are you, Maddie?” He repeated. 
“That new club on 27th! Get down here Paul, it's so much fun!” She gushed and Peter rolled his eyes. He didn’t have time for this. 
He hung up quickly, not bothering to say goodbye before he got up to put his suit on. He couldn't stand the thought of something happening to you because you were upset and distracted because of him. That you weren't even speaking to him.
There was no way he was going to let anything happen to you. 
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You were walking outside, up and down the sidewalk. You knew it wasn’t the safest decision but you didn’t really care. The club was stuffy, humid, and way too loud. You just needed to breathe, and then you’d go back. Maybe. 
You considered hailing a cab and going back home right now. You’d send Maddie a text, but she probably hadn’t noticed you’d left in the first. She’d been having a blast, unlike you, drinking shots and dancing with every guy she felt like. You weren’t sure she remembered you stopping her to tell her you’d be gone for a bit. 
On second thought, you were kind of hungry. You hadn’t eaten anything other than Peter’s waffles for you that morning and there was an amazing smell floating from a food cart at the end of the block. You could help yourself to something before going home. 
Before you could reach the food cart, you were flying. Or rather, swinging. You knew who it was right away. 
Just as fast as he’d snatched you up, Peter put you down on an isolated rooftop, leaving just you and him high above everyone else.
You were about to reprimand him, about to demand an answer as to why he’d just done that, but there wasn’t a chance before he was pulling you into a bone-crushing hug.
“Pete?” Your voice was soft, you sensed there was something wrong and suddenly any anger or annoyance you held, from now or the night before, disappeared.
“You’re okay,” he mumbled as if that was his way of an answer. 
Your brows furrowed. “Well…yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He pulled away then, taking off his mask, and you saw just how terrified he looked, scaring you as well. There might’ve even been a little red rimming his eyes, making you wonder if he was holding back tears. “I came home and I brought snacks and flowers and I thought we could spend the rest of the night together but saw your note. So I texted you and I get that you’re mad at me-”
“I’m not,” you said, and you meant it. You weren’t mad at him, especially right now, seeing him all shaken up like this. “But what's wrong?”
“My texts weren’t delivering, my calls went straight to voicemail, and I couldn’t track your location. Y/N, I got so scared something happened and you weren’t talking to me.” He sniffled and your heart broke a little. 
You reached into your bag and pulled out your phone, but when you tried to turn it on—dead. 
“God sweetheart, never do that to me again. Please.” He looked at you desperately, “Yell at me. Fight with me. But please never ignore me anymore, I can’t stand it.”
“I’m so sorry Petey, I had no idea my phone died. I would’ve said something I swear. I never want you to worry like that.” Your hands went up to hold his face. 
He brought a hand to hold your wrist. Gently running his thumb up and down your hand he said, “I always worry about you sweetheart, it’s my job.”
You shook your head, “You worry about all of New York, I don’t need to add on to that.”
“No,” he said quickly, looking offended you’d even say that, “No. Never think like that. You are the most important thing in my life, okay? You’re my first priority and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, that I don’t show that or say it enough.
“But I’m going to do better, I promise. I’m going to make it up to you because I can’t lose you, I need you Y/N.”
You didn’t reply, instead just smashed your lips onto his. His hands slid down to your waist, holding you tight. It was a kiss of forgiveness, of second chances, and new beginnings.
He pulled away first, but not before pressing multiple kisses all around your face. “Heels off baby,” he said as he knelt down and started working on your heel straps, lifting each foot onto his thigh before undoing each one. You didn’t even realize how much they’d been hurting until they were off. “I’m swinging you.” He picked you up swiftly, one arm wrapping itself around your ribs.
You groaned, wrapping your arms around his neck, “Peteyyyy. You know the wind tangles my hair too much.”
“Don’t worry,” he said, leaning over to kiss you on the top of your head, “I’ll be careful, c’mon.”
You move your head to peck his cheek and then hug him tight, “I love you.”
He grinned, pulling you in closer. “I love you more sweetheart.” He leaned back and pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “Hold on tight, Spider Monkey.”
You burst into laughter, “You did not just say that!” 
“Oh I totally did,” he gave you the goofiest smile, making you laugh again. 
“Ok, just…don’t let me go,” you said as you wrapped your arms tighter around him. 
“Never,” he replied, and something in his voice told you he wasn’t just talking about swinging. 
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