#its inevitable i think.. but im tired of seeing it

[oceanwithouthermoon]

one of the WORST things i see in fandom/ship discourse is when people say "straight ships just dont sit right with me.." like hey.. what do u mean by that.

ESPECIALLY if we're talking about GIRLS who EXCLUSIVELY like mlm ships... i dont care what you say, i think youre fetishizing gay men and youre weird for this. (same thing with guys who exclusively ship wlw but i see that less in fandoms.)

but then, on the other side of this we get people calling them "heterophobic.." NOOOO THAT ISNT REAL IM LITERALLY RIPPING MY HAIR OUT THAT IS NOT A THING.

its not "straightphobic," in fact its literally more homophobic than anything (do not deny that its super fetishy, we all know that its fetishization so dont play dumb..)

(im not saying u have to ship straight ships btw i literally dont care, ship what u want, im SPECIFICALLY talking about people who hate on them, call them toxic because theyre straight, comment on every post that their gay ship is better, etc.. generally just people who are super annoying and fetishy about it. not just people who ship what they ship.. the thing im talking about is basically watered down fujoshis..)

[steampoweredskeleton]

Ignore

[parkingloves]

sometimes i feel really stupid

[etherealkissed88]

just give up : a motivational post 🥰

there reaches a point where your so tired of not getting what you want in the 3d and you feel like you want to give up. my advice is just give up.

give up trying to get shit in the 3d. “jani does this mean im not gonna get it in the 3d :(“ if you ask this question that means you dont understand the law.

by law, whatever you assume to be true in imagination will harden into a fact. if you have it in imagination, it will reflect in the 3d period. thats inevitable. thats the law. when i say “give up on getting it in the 3d,” i mean stop trying to manifest, stop trying to see change. when you try and try, you fall behind on what your actually supposed to do. your only job is knowing its done in imagination.

leave the 3d alone. when you focus on seeing change in the 3d and it clearly isnt there, you start assuming shit like “i cant manifest” and then the 3d will reflect that. it isnt in the 3d! its fine to admit it! the 3d is none of your concern! if you start actually looking towards imagination to experience what you want and focus on satisfying yourself, you will realize that the answer was self the whole time.

trying to change the 3d wont do shit. changing self will change the 3d because the 3d only looks at self for the next steps.

i promise you that fulfilling yourself and returning to that fulfilled state whenever you feel lack will make you feel so confident in the fact that its already done! and ofc it will reflect because you are changing self to someone who has what they desire

imagination is the source so your goal should be knowing its done in imagination before even thinking about it in the 3d since imagination literally molds the 3d - simply decide its done. do techniques for fun because its already done

satisfy yourself. satisfy yourself. satisfy yourself. fulfilling yourself will always be my favorite piece of advice.

therefore, give up on forcing it in the 3d. change self first. your focus should only be on imagination. you dont see it in the 3d? -> realize it was already done in imagination and enjoy it there. feeling lack or experiencing negative thoughts? -> realize its already done and satisfy yourself within. if not, have fun getting anxious and frustrated bc you still dont have it in the 3d🥰

heres an example of when i manifested something i wanted only when i left the 3d alone and actually fulfilled myself in imagination: 🎀 (if you cant see the full thread, try logging in or just get the twitter/x app)

stand on fucking business, get off these apps and change self. its already yours.

kisses, jani ☆

[toxicanonymity]

You can totally say no if your not comfy doing it but maybe you can suggest another writer who you may think might? But if yoir request are open is there anyway I can convince you to write on the topic of reader being Sara's best friend and has tried to come onto Joel multiple times (ie sneaking into his room etc) and then escalating to slipping a roofie into his drink one night while her and Sara are home on winter break from college? If you're not comfortable i totally understand and im sorry if I made you uncomfortable its just your writing for the darker stuff is so amazing 💖

locket.

2k, joel miller x dark f!reader | master list A/N: here's your dead dove in a pear tree 🖤 in a way, it's kinda the inverse of night talks 😅 didn't overthink this one, so FIWB. WARNINGS: I8+ big girthy age gap (44/21), drugs, dosing, f masturbation, dubcon unsafe p in v, somnophilia-ish, choking adjacent move, degradation (both), cum, dead dove december

You're tired of her hot Dad playing hard-to-get, and you're going to put an end to it tonight. You've come home with your college roommate, as you often do since your family lives far. Once again, her dad is dressed like a piece of meat. Tight, white, ride-me t-shirt. Cock bulging in his slutty joggers. He’s walking around double cheeked up on a Friday night in front of his daughter’s best friend. His daughter’s best friend who thinks about him every time she touches herself. 

Sarah falls asleep fast, and you can still hear the TV downstairs. You put on your locket, take off your underwear, and adjust your oversized, wide neck t-shirt to make a wardrobe malfunction inevitable with the slightest movement.  You creep down the stairs and pause at the landing, where you lightly caress your nipples, bringing them to full attention. You’re already tingling downstairs. You creep up to the edge of the living room with your arms straight down, pushing your boobs together, hands clasped together near your crotch as if you're cold. And to be fair, the air is a little cool on your bare cunt. You’re dripping for him, and the shirt barely covers your asscheeks.  Joel barely glances, then does a double take.  

His eyes fall on your breasts before reaching your face. His jaw clenches. After a few seconds, he asks, "What?" 

"Sorry to bother you. I couldn't sleep."

"What am I s'posed to do about that," he grumbles, looking away from you, resuming his focus on the television. 

You shiver and briskly rub your arms, feeling the air hit your exposed nipple for a moment, and you ask about changing the thermostat. He sighs, braces his hands on his knees, and gets up. You shamelessly ogle the bulge in his gray joggers. While he's on his way to adjust the thermostat, you open your locket and drop a little medicine into his can of beer: half a sleeping pill and half a Viagra. 

In the corner of your eye, Joel is lingering in the hall. He rubs his beard, looking at you while you pretend to look at the TV. He slowly walks forward. "Goddamn slut," he mutters under his breath, and you force away a smile as you sit down.

When Joel returns to the sofa, you're sitting next to his seat.  You bring your knee up to rest on the sofa and feel your pussy exposed.  He picks up a blanket off the other end and sets it in your lap.

"Take this with ya." He picks up his beer, and moves to the easy chair. You don't miss the way he adjusts himself as he settles into the chair. 

You make yourself comfortable, and when you just sit there, he says, "thought ya said ya were cold.”

“I'm comfy now.” 

You sit there in silence watching TV. He finishes his beer and gets another. You keep an eye on him. The sleeping pill seems to hit him first. His eyelids get heavy and he rests his head back on the chair. His breathing is steady. You think you see him getting hard. Yeah, something definitely moves in his joggers. He’s nodding off and jolts awake. He grabs his crotch and mutters, “fuck,” before he remembers you're there. You shift positions to lie on your stomach, facing him, with your ass exposed so he can see your butt cheeks. 

“Go to sleep, darlin’. God damn.” Your heart flutters. Oh, now he’s done for.

“You sure?” You ask and go into a cat pose with your ass higher in the air. 

“Yeah.”  His eyes are half shut. He tries to be subtle about slowly rubbing himself for relief, but you can see just fine.  “Fuck-” he interrupts himself with a yawn.  He shakes his head at you. “gave me somethin’, didn't ya?” 

You wet your lips and look down. “What makes you say that? Do you feel funny?”

“Like you don't know.”

In for a penny, in for a pound. You shift onto your side, then swing your legs around in front of you as you sit up on the sofa. “Well. . .I feel funny, Mr. Miller,” you purr as you spread your legs for him. “Yeah, I feel funny right here.” You slowly, lightly caress your mound near your clit with two fingers, then spread them to trace down your outer lips. 

“Somethin’ wrong with you,” he shakes his head. His brow furrows and he swallows. But he doesn’t leave. . .He looks back at the television. Your body is churning out slick, getting ready for him, but right now it’s going to waste on his sofa. You gather some from your hole and bring it up to your clit. You grab a breast and begin to touch yourself. He’s sleepy, but he's hanging in there. The heel of his palm is planted in his lap. 

When he begins to nod off again, you get up and approach the chair. He stays seated, awake but sleepy, and his breath deepens as you brace your hand on one arm of the chair. You wedge one knee between his outer thigh and the chair’s arm. Then the other side, so you're straddling him. You both look down at his visible erection. He looks up. His lips form a subtle pout, then part slightly. His brown eyes glaze over as he studies your face. 

“Dress like you want it,” you whisper. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. You reach for his cock and he gently stops your wrist. 

“I could be your dad,” he mutters, more to himself than to you.

“Please,” you whisper. Your hand doesn't stop, and he doesn't try to stop it anymore as you reach. You grab the rock hard protrusion and he silently grunts from the back of his throat. He’s throbbing against your palm through the thin cotton. Your breath hitches at the first contact. You twitch and ache for him. His brow furrows. 

“‘If you’re gonna do it, do it,” he challenges you in a near whisper. He must be painfully hard. He can't take it. You massage him through the soft fabric. 

Your lips part, and you tilt your head as you read his face. 

He mumbles, “Gonna pussy out?” He cracks a little smile and adds, “with your pussy out?”

You sigh. “You’re so fucking cute.”

“Such a rotten girl,” he murmurs with half lidded eyes as his hands come to your thighs. You shiver in a bolt of pleasure as his hands wrap around the backs of your thighs and slowly run down to your knees, then up to your ass. He squeezes your cheeks, and his cock throbs in your hand. 

“Coward,” he whispers with a snarl and takes his hands away, resting his arms on the chair. 

You brace one hand next to his head on the back of the chair, and your heart shaped locket dangles as you take down his waistband with your free hand. His cock slaps against his white t-shirt, making a wet spot. 

Good Lord. Your mouth falls open. You tug the joggers down more. He grunts softly when you cup his soft, fuzzy balls. Then you release them, grab his shaft, and hear yourself moan. Never felt anything stiffer. It's angry and now the tip is actively oozing. Your mouth waters and your body opens up for him. 

He watches your face, then yawns again. You rub yourself and gather your slick, then wrap your slippery hand around his cock. You scoot your knees forward and hover over it. He inhales through his nose as you lower yourself to make contact. You pause with the tip just inside. It's already a stretch, but deeper inside,  your core is begging for more. Your entrance spasms around his tip.  He gasps and tenses, gripping the arms of the chair as you begin to sink down.  He closes his eyes and winces as his cock divides your walls and you moan as your bodies become flush. You sit on his dick while your body makes space for him and you get even wetter. 

“Fu–ohh” he tilts his head back. His neck veins strain. He's so goddamn hot. 

You slowly tilt your hips and let out only an inch of him before bottoming out again. His cock takes up so much space inside you. You look down between  your bodies. His white shirt has ridden up to expose the happy trail and the slight pudge of his lower belly. His stomach heaves with deep breaths. You begin to move on him, slowly. 

“Ahhh, fuhh-uhhhk,” he sighs. His brows knit together and he watches you ride him. 

You tilt your hips, seeking the pressure of your clit nudging his body. “Yeah,” you breathe and move a little faster. Your necklace swings, the silver heart getting closer and closer to him. Then his hand flies up to wrap around your neck, trapping the chain. His grip isn’t firm, but the presence of his hand around your throat is enough to freeze you on his cock and give you a surge of need. Your pussy spasms, your slick walls begging for the friction they've earned. 

“You’re sick,” he mutters, then his hips punch up and he sighs. He lets go of your throat, then tugs your shirt down under your tits. 

“Fuck,” he sighs, the corners of his mouth glistening with saliva. He reaches out and palms your breasts, then hooks his hands under your arms. He watches your tits move with your rhythm. 

“How many times have you thought about this,” you ask. 

“I don't think about it,” he claims, but his face says constantly. You massage your own breasts as you ride him, and he sighs. Hopefully he can't get enough. Hopefully he comes back for more. You roll your hips with a moan. That's why you didn't use a roofie - He needs to remember this. He needs to need it. “Mmm.” Maybe he’ll be desperate, mad. As he watches you ride him, his eyelids begin to droop again. Maybe he’ll be mad enough to take it. 

You gently slap his cheek. “Stay with me,” you command, and begin to ride him harder. You slot your fingers into his hair. “When's the last time you came,” you ask, massaging his scalp as you move on his cock. “Hmm?” You pause with his cock all the way inside, and he twitches inside you. “Hmm?”

“Days,” he whispers. You start rolling your hips again. “Been days, ohhh–fuck.”

“You're gonna come inside,” you nod. His cock twitches again. 

“Ohh, fuck. Are you–ohhh,” he sighs, “are you–ugghh.” 

“It's okay,” you reassure him, “It's okay.” God, the thought of Mr. Miller nutting in your cunt has gotten you over the edge so many times alone. You're close. You bring your body closer against his and grind your clit into him, your body moving his swollen manhood, subtly rocking it as your clit presses into his pubic hair and your insides swell with the pressure of pent up pleasure. “Ohh, God,” you sigh and feel your body tighten, tighten, almost there. “Ohh, fuck,” you pant. 

“Ohh,” he moans and his hips lift under you. The tension snaps and your clit pulses, making you whine. You grind into him as you pulse, release pressure, pulse, release more, losing yourself in waves of release. 

“Oh, God,” you moan, fluttering around his stiff cock. 

“Ugggh,” he groans and his hands come to your ass. He begins to move you on his cock as your climax wanes. He moves you harder and moans unrestrained. He grits his teeth, and his fingertips dig into the plush of your ass. ”Ohh,” he sighs and fucking erupts. 

“Oh shit,” you whine, and keep clenching around him with warm bursts of him flooding your core. “Ohh God.” 

“Oh, fuck,” he pants, bursting again and again, filling you with his seed. “Ohhh,” his pulses fade and you come to a rest in his lap. He lays back against the chair breathing heavily. You lean forward and hug him. He doesn't have the energy to push you away. Soon, he's snoring and you're just sitting there enjoying the fullness of his cock and cum. 

“Mmm,” you sigh softly and begin to push yourself up. You let his cock out and some of his cum comes with it. You scoop it up from around his tip and draw a heart on his shirt, imagining how cute it'll be when it's dry and hard. Then you get off the chair entirely and draw a few small hearts of cum on his joggers. You pull the waistband up for him, then plant a kiss on his lips before leaving him there. Then you go back upstairs and put on your underwear before you get back in his daughter's bed. 

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Thank you so much for reading, ILY 💖 If you really like dark reader, you might wanna try my ghostface fic every inch

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I hear you about notifs not working, i hear you about tags not working (i'm not receiving a lot of my tags either). consider checking my fic notifs blog @toxicfics or the "latest fics" link on my profile header once in a while to see what you might have missed.

[drop-cherries]

Hiii! Requesting poly!marauders taking of sick reader, like real sick, can't get out of bed typa sick and they're all just so sweet and doting

Thanks!

Hii loves!! Tysm for requesting, pls lmk what you think!! Requests are open, have a great day everyone!! I was listening to music writing this and kept taking breaks to sing along lmao and another drabble written in the middle of the night.i changed kt a bit hope thats okay. Xoxo, birdy

Cw: dotting marauders, sick reader, mentions of vomit, fluff, no use of y/n, non sexual nudity (guys i think im getting better at this part lmao)

Poly!marauders x Reader

You woke in a cold sweat, kicking off the covers as it got too hot. The oddly familisr feeling of bile rising has you jumping out of bed despite the fatigue and rushing to the bathroom. Heaving over the toilet bowl you feel a brush of a hand against your hair brushing it out of your face.

The feeling of sick stays with you for a few more moments making it so you cant look up to see who holds your hair back. But a familiar cooing makes you recognize it as remus.

Slumping back and falling against the wall makes you dizzy, Remus' hand going between the wall and your head to cushion it.

"Sorry for waking you," You say as you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, too fatigued and tired to care about the sick that inevitably gets on your hand.

"Hey its okay lovie, I'm a light sleeper. I don't mind." He kisses your forhead regardless of the sweat that sticks to it.

Another pair of footsteps pads towards the bathroom, the familiar footfall you recognize as James.

"Hey sweetheart," James greets. Remus fills him in on what happened, as James woke up from the commotion. James gives you a once over and promptly walks past to turn the knobs to start a bath. You watch silently, so does Remus.

Sirius knocks on the bathroom door, and you look over. A sleepy smile spreads across your face at the thought of having all of your boys with you. He comes over and kisses your head, rubbing softly on your arm.

"He sweerheart the bath is ready," James says grabbing back your attention.

Sirius pulls you to your feet, catching you when a strong wave of dizziness and fatigue hits you. They all softly help you undress. Steping into the not too hot water leaves you with a sigh as they seat you down.

James added some bath salts to smell good and sooth your skin. Remus gets up and walks out as James gently runs water theough your hair and over your skin. You look over giving a sad look towards the door.

"Hey honey, he just went to get the thermometer," Sirius says as he lathers shampoo into his hands then through your hair.

When you get sick and tired you usually dont speak much being too exhausted. The boys understand that and help you in any way they can.

James soaps up the loofah with your favorite body wash, and softly runs it over your skin. The smell and warm water lulls your eyes close.

Remus gets back with the thermometer and takes your temprature. You end up having a fever.

They help you slowly out of the bathtub, wrapping a soft towel around you, and walking you to the bedroom. James sits next to you with your body lotion smoothing it over your skin, as sirius goes over and grabs underwear and a sleep shirt. Remus walks back to the bathroom to receive a cool washcloth.

When you're all dressed thwy lay you in bed, and Remus rests the washcloth on your forehead.

James wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, careful to not distuen the washcloth. Sirius and Remus lasy at you back, close enough to feel their presence and warmth. You hum a sleepy sigh.

"Get some rest love, we're here." James whispers as you lull to sleep.

[wooshifts]

NEW SHIFTING METHOD DROPPED

new shifting trend dropped

can we make it a trend to stop making shifting a big deal!!!! just!!!! shift!!!! my hatred for "methods" grows deeper by the day. living by the idea of "omg i fell asleep and that's why i didn't shift" or "omg i gave up before i finished counting to 100 and that's why i didn't shift" stop. can it. take those words and shove them up your a

do you, in alllll your infinite power, actually believe that bs? that your "desired reality" is just gonna be like "ah. they fell asleep before they got to 100. ah. they didn't do the visualization step of this method. ah. they didn't drink water and clean their room. ah. they didn't meditate until they got to a void state." ARE YOU CRAZY???? YOU. YOU CONTROL YOUR REALITY. YOU get to decide when you shift, and your "dr" is NAWT the powerful being in charge of u. you cannot sit here and be all boo boo kitty bc u didn't say "i am" 650 times. idc. u say it once and shift for all i care. your power lies in yourself. stop relying on a stupid tiktok method or the universe or whoever tf u think is in charge of ur reality. bc it's all you. the universe literally handed u shifting and said, here, have this information that will change your life so drastically. here, i chose you to know about shifting when i could have chosen anyone else. and you're gonna throw that away spending 2,3,4, 5 years just digging through shifttok and shiftblr for a new shifting method that's magically gonna work for you?? nah. blockages don't exist, they are excuses to make u feel better about your not shifting. don't try and blame you waking up here on a "blockage" bc guess what... guess who controls those... you. you choose what tf to believe and when tf u shift. u choose to wake up, you choose to fall asleep, you choose to continue breathing, you choose to open tumblr and read this far into my rant. you control and you create your reality. what do you think manifestation is. stop making excuses for yourself. a method is not going to make u shift. you are. im tired of seeing "NEW SHIFTING METHOD GUARANTEED WORK FIRST TRY" every time i open tiktok. nobody else will get you to shift with some method they came up with sitting in their bed eating hot cheetos and ramen at 2 am. you shift on your own accord.

this was so aggressive but i think its needed. pls for the love of all things good just shift and stop looking for methods or blockages to push the blame on for your inevitable failure. love you lots

[dyketubbo]

tbh for me the thing about cbeeduo is that its so like. how am i supposed to look at this dynamic and not feel insane for the rest of my life. like going along w the crushing during nlm hc ranboo fell in love w tubbo at his WORST. they saw some child president who was probably on illegal substances like half of the time with a tired face and forced grin as he got through politics he didnt understand and got insults hurled at him, comparing him to an abusive dictator as he tried to solve a trolley problem (his best friend was on one line and his country was on the other and of course he chooses majority rule but the trolley loops back around anyways and all he did was delay the inevitable) and ranboo saw some 16yr old on his last leg going on about how he felt like he was going to die soon (and hes too too close to the cliffs edge but hes grinning and its like hes really hoping death is a happy ending) and everyone was leaving him and he didnt want all this and ranboo goes follow my voice i wont leave im sorry and they fall in love with whatever virtues there are left in tubbo and decide that they would keep trying to do right by him

and then, inevitably, ranboo messes up and betrays tubbo and tubbos voice shudders and ranboo never wants to see that broken expression of disbelief again so he fights for a country even though hes been disenchanted with it for a while and hes never liked picking sides anyways (but this is tubbo, and if hes choosing tubbo its okay because he cant hurt tubbo again) and of course it falls anyways and tubbo makes a new home and tubbo makes nukes and tubbo makes a plan and then tubbo is on his knees and an axe is held to his neck and ranboo barely gets a glimpse before things are moving forward and tubbo is pressed to her side calling them minutes man again

the marriage starts out as a joke, tubbos never been rich and ranboo only gets richer and tubbo pretends its for tax benefits, hes just a golddigger, because right now its a joke and thats all hes letting it be. but then hes laughing like normal but it feels different and hes looking at the family portrait of the two and michael and hes thinking about bunk beds and he gets a mansion because hes in love at this point because ranboo was there during his worst moments and even as tubbos getting (relatively) better ranboos still there and of course tubbo forgives him because when he met ranboo they reminded him painfully of himself and tubbo cant let ranboo be like him so he falls in love with them instead and if ranboos going to stick by him tubbos going to try and be someone good to stick by

but of course ranboo finds bad influences anyways and tommy is back but different and everythings different and ranboo wont move in so every few days its just him and michael (and god, he shouldnt be a parent at 17, what is he doing with his life? he should have been dead by now) and he tries so so hard to be good for michael and good for ranboo and better for tommy and he isnt really good to himself but thats fine and ranboo is so much better than he'll ever be and michael adores him and tubbo adores him and its fine that the mansion is collecting dust and its fine that ranboo lives by tubbos executioner and the people who helped destroy his country and its fine that he doesnt really know who ranboo is at all outside of his kind husband that was there for him at his worse and its fine that ranboo doesnt really know who tubbo is outside of someone who has been through a lot and needs a good break and its fine that theyre keeping secrets its fine that they never really talk about their problems (its fine that its been months and ranboo still hasnt moved in)

and then they have their first disagreement and tubbo tries to make up for it and it works until they have their first argument and ranboo tries to make up for it but he has to make a point too and they hardly get to talk about it before suddenly time has passed and

and ranboos dead and tubbos a widow and single father at 18 and his (their) son got kidnapped and hes making friends with murderers and hes not sure how to feel about his husbands ghost (and ranboo is so so happy to be dead and ranboo is in limbo alone and tubbo doesnt know how any of this works) so he moves on and his anger gets the best of him and he pushes someone off a bridge and he moves on and he isnt getting better and he moves on and nothings getting better and he moves on and because the dream smp is at its core not that great pretty often theres no closure to any of this ever tubbo dies and loses all his memories ranboos forever a ghost and takes his son elsewhere and thats it the end youre just meant to be normal about all this now. they never learned how to truly trust each other and they were so so in love and wanted to be good for each other but never talked about their problems and now they just Dont Get To. The End !

[anonbinaryweirdo]

"try not to cry when im gone" hu tao x reader

(angst, hurt/comfort? she still dies tho lol), reader having bad thoughts, sloppy transition, hu tao comforts reader, reader cries, one or two mentions of zhongli

gn reader, unspecified pronouns or descriptions for reader. writer cried

imagine an immortal reader, who knows of their fate with Hu Tao, but has yet to accept it with a full mind

or at all, really.

you sit there, teacup heavy in your hand as you stare at the fire ahead. once again were you reminded of your immortality, but your mind could only immediately drift off to your lover, who was the opposite.

a human. a mortal.

she was bound to die, and you would have to live on, without her, one day. it was inevitable. you wouldn't even know when you'd see her new face again, decades—maybe even centuries later. you probably wouldn't even get the chance to meet her in her new life.

you sigh, just thinking about it. setting down your cup and running a hand down your face, you hold your breath. maybe this was a dream. you'd wake up one day, with identical grey hairs, wrinkles all over. maybe you could be buried next to one another.

alas, you were so lost in thought, you didn't even notice the extra presence in the room, until you felt a pair of hands covering your eyes, the metal of the rings she adorned just barely grazing your skin—yet, you could still feel how cool it was.

"guess who~!" came a giggle from behind. you could never get enough of hearing it, a smile making its way onto your face almost immediately as it rang through your ears.

you couldn't help laughing a little, rolling your eyes behind her palms. "welcome home, Hu Tao," you greet, as normal. it was genuine, the way you felt around her. especially whenever you got to welcome her back under the roof you shared. a place you both cared for, and could call your home. although, you were quite certain that home was only really found whenever you were with Hu Tao. without her to live there with you, it'd merely be a house. not a home.

Hu Tao skips over in front of where you sat, a small grin on her face. you could tell she was a bit tired, though. yet, her lips were still quirked up, despite the fact. you loved it. "were ya missing me already, butterfly?" she asked, looking over you. "because, i must say, you looked mighty bored and lonely before I snuck up on you."

and, as though it were an automated response, you respond quickly, "I'm always bored and lonely whenever you're gone." and it was true, as 'sappy' as it sounded. you needed someone like Hu Tao in your everyday life to lift you up, even when you weren't particularly feeling 'blue'.

"well," the director hummed, helping herself to straddling over your lap, wrapping her arms around you as she rested her chin on your shoulder. your hand moves to take off her hat, setting it aside before moving your fingers through her hair. she closed her eyes, melting—ironically enough—into your touches. "I can't blame you," she continued, chuckling a little, "I mean, without me, you'd be miserable. oh, what would you do without me?" you knew it was a joke, but still.

it was true.

your hand paused in her hair, and your expression slowly fell to what it was before she walked through that door. can you imagine, having to life without her? having to live, what you could only hope wasn't for the rest of your life—from the time your eyes flutter open at the crack of dawn, and when they close into peace once more when moonlight illuminates the land—without her?

you couldn't even begin to imagine what life would be like, if you hadn't seen her smile everyday. true, yes, her smile wouldn't be there every second of the day... no, she had her days when she felt so little about herself, and that smile turned upside down into something else. there were even times her eyeliner would smudge down her face in streaks. but, she still managed to smile. seeing her face was enough.

unfortunately, for you, the girl happened to take notice of your silence, and looked back at you with big red eyes, mixing with both curiosity and concern—even as she tried to play it off. "hey, now, " she laughed lightly. "why the long face? you look like a little puppy, hehe. am I boring you, or something? I don't think I've ever seen you so—"

her voice died down as she saw the way your eyebrows scrunched up, her eyes looking over your face. she saw how sad your eyes look—and how they weren't as bright as she loved them. the way you stared down at your lap, biting the inside your lip. you were deep in your thoughts, and they didn't seem to be happy ones. she didn't like that.

"...hey," she spoke quietly. she cupped your face, making you look at her. and, instantly, you were lost in those eyes.

who wouldn't get lost in them, honestly? they were so pretty, so very magnificent in so many ways you couldn't even begin to explain. and those stars...those stars were the cherry on top. they shined so bright, brighter than any real star could ever. but...eventually, even stars come to their ends, right?

"butterfly...whats the matter? why do you seem so blue?"

she was so sweet. you couldn't help it,arms caging around her in a desperate hug. you were certain, that, letting go would result in her not being there anymore. like she'd turn into particles, and fly out the window. you didn't want that. you couldn't have it.

"[name], what—" "im not ready for you to die."

the words flew past your lips before you could stop them. you squeezed your eyes shut as you nuzzled your nose further into her hair. you inhale deeply, the breath coming out in a shaky sigh. as much as you felt like wanting to, you couldn't cry. especially not here, in front of her, right now. you wouldn't dare let her see you so weak. so—

"is that what this was about?" Hu Tao inquired suddenly, making you hold your breath. your answer—the silence and a tremble of your shoulder—was enough said.

her arms wrapped around you, and it was enough for you to breathe. "don't cry," she hushes you, tenderly rubbing her palm up and down your back. "I don't want you to be sad when I'm dead. in fact, I want you to be happy."

your eyebrows furrow, and you lift your head, looking up at her. "what?" you question, not believing what she just said. "how can you...how can you even say that with a straight face? if I lose you, t-then—"

"then you'll be okay," she cuts you off, kissing your forehead. she leaned back. and smiled. "you'll be fine when I'm gone, because I know you'll be at peace with knowing that I'm resting well, knowing that it was I that you created memories with, and not anyone else in either of our places."

you sat there, listening to her voice. it always was so lovely, wasn't it?

"I'm going to be watching over you as a ghost," she promised, "and once you feel that familiar air, you'll know it's me."

"you should also be at peace, knowing that I'm resting well...because of you. you were the reason for my true happiness, and for that, I..." Hu Tao huffed, taking your hands in hers. "I should be the one crying over my death. I mean, I won't even get to interact with you—I'll be transparent! which is absolutely awful, I mean, can you imagine me going a day without your arms around moi? really."

she smiled as you managed a little laugh at her attempt to brighten the mood. "there it is!" she cheered, softly. "see? that's exactly how I want your face to look, during my final breath, and every moment after, okay?"

you sniffled, leaning into her palm as she strokes your cheek with her thumb, wiping away your tears. "no promises," you whisper, turning your head to kiss her palm. she groans, "well, at least try. what type of person would you be to not at least make an effort to live up to something?"

you shake your head, rolling your eyes. your hands find their way to her waist, and you lean up, capturing her lips. she returned your kiss, not backing away until you do. and that's not until you hear a small pattern of quiet thuds on the window, catching both of your attention.

"hm," she hummed, "it's raining pretty hard." Hu Tao chuckled, holding you close, "I'm glad I got home in time, or else I'd be drenched."

"yeah.." you agree.

you sigh, staring at the ground. "I'm the one getting drenched," you mutter under your breath. you could vividly recall that conversation. it was one of the good ones.

you feel a hand on your shoulder, but you don't turn to look. "I'm sorry," says the consultant of the wangsheng funeral parlor, sympathizing with you.

you don't answer immediately, but he can make out a quiet 'thank you' as he leaves to give you your space, allowing you to stare at the stone in peace.

you look up, closing your eyes as the rain falls down on your face. "I wonder if you can see me yet," you whisper.

a smile graces your lips, feeling a gust of wind push past you.

you chuckle dryly, tears getting mixed in with the rain. another gust of wind.

"..i tried, didn't I?"

and then another.

Oliver is a little bitch tell me why I cried

[pacifymebby]

Looking After You When You're Drunk // Peaky Blinders

Tommy

🌿Youre probably drinking because of him

🌿You argued and you got so upset and pissed off at him, so the girls took you out for a drink to get away from "bloody men"

🌿But you drank quicker than you realised. Thats the problem with drinking for melancholy and spite, you lose yourself

🌿So in the end Ada takes you back to the house, youre crying on her shoulder in the back of the car, you tell her you hate her brother and shes comforting you, "aye love, dont we all..."

🌿 When Tommy sees you hes annoyed but he feels immediate guilt. He knows hes the reason youre so upset.

🌿"Cmere angel ive got you," he says with a sigh taking you from Ada's arms. "Can you walk? No, alright then, here we go," he says as he lifts you up bridal style in his arms to carry you upstairs to bed.

🌿 If youre sick he sits with you in the bathroom, holding your hair back, rubbing your back and reassuring you.

🌿"s'alright little angel you're alright, get it all up yeah and then we'll go to bed,"

🌿Doesnt let you go to bed dirty. Undressed you carefuly, sits you in the bath and washes you gently with warm water and a soft cloth.

🌿Youre still tearful and upset, and the kinder he is to you the more upset you are. Youre feeling embarrassed for being so childish and getting yourself in such a state.

🌿"m'sorry tommy" between hiccups. Him telling you not to apologise, you insisting that you have to. Him finally giving in, "alright, alright angel if it means so much to you, i forgive you... Calm down now though eh? No more tears?"

🌿 He helps you out of the tub and towels you dry, his big hands holding your waist, being gentle and tender with you as he dries you off.

🌿Lets you drunk cry into his shirt, hold you and shushes you, hes tired but hes being patient with you because he knows hes guilty of causing you this pain.

🌿"You're alright y/n, you and me we're alright eh? Was only a little fight, no more tears now?"

🌿"Atta girl" or "theres a good girl," when you finally hush and dry your eyes. He'll dry them for you with his thumbs and ask for a smile.

🌿Carries you to bed and lays you down very gently, opens his arms up for you to crawl into so that he can hold you to his chest and stroke your hair til you fall asleep.

🌿He knows its his fault you were upset but he still feels the need to talk to you about what happened, how you need to look after yourself, not drink too much.

Alfie

🐻"Listen right, my ziskeit, i dont mind you drinkin away your troubles from time to time and getting well, look at you ey, youre absolutely fucked, i dont mind that not one bit... I'm a modern man me, I know you young ladies drink just as much as the men these days but... I really wish you wouldn't spend your hard earned money yeah... On that shite,"

🐻 Because youre drunk on Shelby gin.

🐻 "Look at you yeah? The gin - and im not surprised by this one bit right cause you and me both know what gins all about - has gone and made you fuckin miserable and now... Me here, your adoring old man, I'm gonna have to cheer you up."

🐻He feigns frustration and impatience, puts on his grumpy old man act, but really hes pleased its him who gets to look after you. Hed rather him than any other bastard.

🐻 Hes gentle with you when you inevitably start to cry. "Sorry Alfie, please don't hate me," youre very upset because you think you have actually pissed him off.

🐻 He chuckles and softens, holds you in his arms, your head fitting perfectly in the palms of his big hands. He strokes his fingers through your hair and kisses your forehead.

🐻 "Hate you? Is that all its sposed to take is it? To hate you? You listen here alright treacle, you listen to me now alright, i - thats me here yeah, this grumpy old, heartless man - i could never hate you, thats just ridiculous... It could never happen... You know why?"

🐻 "Cause right, and this might come as a shock to you yeah so just you brace yourself little one, cause i love you" points his pointer right to the tip of your nose, makes drunk you go cross eyed which he thinks is very cute. "and love and hate yeah, well i reckon they just dont work together, those are what you and i, would call opposites..."

🐻 He carries on with this speech whilst he helps you undress, he makes you sit down on the edge of the bed and gets you a glass of water to drink slowly. "Slow sips remember lovely, we dont want you making yourself sick..."

🐻 Mentioning sick was probably a mistake, he sees that when your eyes waver and you wobble a little. Luckily hes got a bucket to hand for this very eventuality.

🐻 Affectionately tells you youre a mess, "what am i gonna do with you ey flower, what ever am i going to do with you..."

🐻 Washes your face with a warm cloth and makes sure you have finished your water. Pours another glass because he knows you don't sleep well when youre drunk so youll definitely wake up thirsty in the night.

🐻 He also wants to have you sleep on his chest so that he can stroke your hair and continue to take care of you. But its also because if youre sleeping on his chest, he'll better be able to tell if you need him.

🐻 He puts a record on playing quietly, and hums softly along to it whilst playing with your hair. He's waiting to make sure you fall asleep first so that he can be there if you need him.

🐻 You don't get a lecture the next day, but he does make you promise that next time you'll drink his rum instead.

Arthur

🍂 Ever since you started seeing Arthur youve been getting worse and worse when it comes to getting intoxicated.

🍂Hes a bad influence on you that much is certain. Its his snow you get fucked up on, you drink his alcohol in his bars...

🍂 But he wouldnt have you drink and get fucked up anywhere else, anywhere he couldn't keep an eye on you.

🍂Youve most likely been partying together so hes probably pretty drunk too.

🍂Stumbling home together, falling into the back of a cab and then falling back out of it again when you get to his house. Him struggling with the key in the lock, gets frustrated tries to kick his own front door in, until you step in and help.

🍂You both get pretty needy when youre drunk and you can't keep your hands off eachother, but when Arthur sees your eyes roll back into your head before youve even made it upstairs he decides thats enough fun for now. Occasionally hes capable of being responsible.

🍂"Alright now love alright... Got to get you to bed yeah, thats right, got to get you nice and snug tucked up in your bed..."

🍂Has to hold you up, probably has to carry you up the stairs. Sits you on the counter by the bathroom sink and takes your clothes off as carefully as he can.

🍂 Tries to get you in your slip but because youre drunk you just giggle and laugh and play with him.

🍂 "Whatre you tryin get me dressed for? Silly Arthur youre so silly..."

🍂 He knows theres no point trying to talk sense into you so he gives in. He helps you brush your teeth which is also very difficult because you think the whole thing is hilarious.

🍂 You are so giggly and adorable that it is hard for him to stay mad at you, even when you are frustrating him by not letting him take care of you.

🍂 Hes exhausted by the time he finally gets you to bed. Collapses onto the bed with you, spoons you and talks to you.

🍂 "Arthur," you also get really whiny when youre drunk, "Arthur the rooms spinning,"

🍂 "No, its not sweetheart, the rooms not spinning,youre alright," be he knows you wont be able to sleep lying down because itll make you sick, so he sits himself up and pulls you up into his arms, has you sitting in his lap, head leaning on his shoulder which is where you fall asleep.

🍂 Him dozing off eventually, waking up with a stiff neck. Luckily youve woken up feeling much better and have cooked him breakfast. Its your turn to take care of him now.

John

🌼Doesnt like it when you get too drunk so you are in trouble.

🌼You try to hide it from him but its impossible, especially when not 2 minutes after excusing yourself to go to the bathroom are you being violently unwell.

🌼Johns frustrated you got yourself into such a state and he'll be having firm words with Ada and Lizzie about being bad influences on you.

🌼But as annoyed as he might be, when he hears you being sick he feels sorry for you and rushes to help you.

🌼 Will sit with you, holding your hair back, will put a towel between you and the toilet edge to stop you from hurting yourself.

🌼 Will tell you ten times minimum "I dont feel sorry for you you know love," but he does, and the more he says that the more you know its true,he does.

🌼Worries about you when you get this drunk because he worries youll get into some kind of trouble and not be able to help yourself.

🌼 If you get emotional he isnt going to let you stay sad, he's going to bundle you up in his arms and carry you to bed, probably smothering you with kisses, kissing you all over until youre giggling and half heartedly trying to fight him off.

🌼 When youre feeling better hes going to have to think of how to punish you for being so bad

🌼 But for now hes going to make sure he looks after you as best he can.

🌼 Makes you tea and tells you to drink it, has to help you hold the mug because you're half asleep.

🌼 You know youre in trouble so you try to be sweet to him to get him to forgive you, "know how much i love you john?" "thissssss much" holding your hands as far apart as they'll reach like a child. He has to admit you are very cute.

🌼 Struggles to get you to settle down at first, but once hes got you into bed, wrapped up in his arms, you pass out instantly.

Bonnie

🍀Really wishes you wouldn't try to keep up with the older lads when you drink. Youre so small it hits you twice as hard and this isnt the first time youve wound up needing carried home.

🍀Hes over protective of you too, when Isaiah or Michael tries to offer to help you home Bonnie won't let them. Hes the one who is going to look after you. Youre his girl.

🍀Youre much smaller than him so its easy to lift you up off your feet and get you back to the wagons.

🍀 You probably fall in and out of sleep when hes walking you back home, you make a fist in his shirt with your hand and nuzzle right into his neck. It tickles but he just smiles and kisses your hair.

🍀When he gets you back to the vardo hes trying to be extra careful not to wake you, he also doesnt want to wake anyone else at the settlement up because if your father sees you like this he'll blame Bonnie for not looking after you and then he'll find himself in real trouble.

🍀When you do wake up he whispers for you to hush, youre all apologetic and embarassed because you realise whats happened... You promised him he wouldnt have to carry you back home again and now look...

🍀 "Shhh little dove its alright, never you mind now, just get you into bed eh?" he kisses your cheek/temple /hair and helps you out of your clothes and into your jammies.

🍀 But then you start to feel unwell and you lurch up to run outside, youre not exactly capable of that right now though so you end up almost tumbling down the steps of the vardo into the grass.

🍀"Dove whatre you doing come back?" "Sleep outside case m'sick"

🍀 "No flower, you canny sleep outside tonight its too cold, come on now, inside..." you argue with him for ages, you drunk and mumbling, him trying to whisper and coax you back inside.

🍀"Please little dove, let me look after you,"

🍀 Makes you tea and gives you bread which you argue about eating because you feel sick. You take a lot of convincing but eventually you understand that he knows best and so you let him break the bread into little pieces and feed them to you.

🍀 You wont sleep unless he holds you in his lap and lets you rest against his chest. He has to sing quietly to you to keep you feeling centered or else the "earth will start tipping again"

🍀Rocks you gently so that you dont feel out of control, hushes you to sleep. Youre lucky because the next morning instead of lecturing you for getting so drunk he gently teases you about your hangover, but takes care of you all day too.

Isaiah

🐀Again, his fault youre so drunk

🐀He wasnt paying attention to how much you were drinking, didnt realise you were trying to keep up with him.

🐀Hes drunk too but nowhere near as much as you. He realises its home time when your head hits the table and you pass out.

🐀Has to bundle you up in his jacket and into the back of a cab. Feels bad he didnt notice how gone you were, feels annoyed too, its embarrassing that he failed to look after his woman.

🐀So with that in mind hes extra determined to take care of you when you get back to his house.

🐀"Bloody hell love next time you think about drinkin the bar dry give me a warning first..."

🐀You havent got clothes at his so he has to undress you and put you in one of his shirts. Itd be sexy on you if you werent unconscious.

🐀Hes careful about lying you down, putting you on your side so that you dont choke in your sleep. Not that he'll be able to go to sleep until hes certain youll be safe.

🐀He sits up for a little while stroking your hair, he knows youre probably going to wake up soon. When you do you dont really notice where you are and you stumble out of bed to the bathroom only to get lost.

🐀Luckily Isaiah followed you, comes up behind you speaking gently, "you're alright love, this way remember, youre at my house not yours," guides you to the bathroom.

🐀When you tell him to go away because you dont want him to see you being sick, he just shakes his head at you and stays put.

🐀"Shoulda thought about that before you went and got yourself hammered eh? Stuck with me now sweetheart am not going anywhere," holds your hair back and soothes you as much as youll allow him, just chuckles when you tell him to go away.

🐀Cleans you up afterwards, washes your face with a cloth, helps you brush your teeth. Gets you water to drink and sits with you until you feel better.

🐀Youre shivering and freezing so he takes you back to bed, wraps you up in the covers and wraps his whole body around yours, rubbing your arms and thighs to warm you up.

🐀Is evil to you the next day teasing you about your hangover, calling you names and laughing at how wound up you get.

Michael

☘️Socially embarrassing to have his wife this drunk in public so yes, youre in trouble.

☘️You probably argue about it on the way home, him telling you off for drinking so much, you telling him its his fault you were drunk. He left you on your own at the party, you got bored!

☘️He gets very frustrated with you but seeing how drunk you are and knowing how any second now you'll start crying, questioning whether he even loves you - which he does btw, hes just not always so good at showing it - he ends up sighing and giving in.

☘️"enough now y/n we'll talk about it in the morning,"

☘️Has to help you down from the car, holds you with his arm around your waist, steering you as you struggle to walk to the front door.

☘️Makes you tea and toast to try and sober you up.

☘️When you burst into tears at the kitchen table he rolls his eyes but is gentle with you in his own way.

☘️"Now whats the matter ey y/n why are you crying?" just as he suspected you start to talk about how he doesnt really love you, how he was embarrassed by you, how hes angry at you now...

☘️ "y/n, y/n, y/n, what am i gonna do with you? You know just as well as i do that none of thats true, i love you very much alright?" when you dont answer he sighs, he wants to hear you say you understand.

☘️ "Sweetheart i asked you a question? I said i love you very much... Do you understand that?" you sniffle and nod your head, trying to wipe your eyes with your sleeves.

☘️"Think id like you to use your words and tell me again alright love?" he takes your hands away from your eyes, hes being firm with you but not sharp, you dont feel like youre in trouble anymore.

☘️ "i understand michael, love you too," "There we are, thats better... Wasnt so hard now was it?"

☘️When youve finished your tea and toast he helps you upstairs. He undresses you and runs you a bath. He knows you wont be able to sleep whilst youre this drunk so he may as well take his time with you

☘️Gets in the bath with you and spends half an hour just relaxing with you, you let him wash you and then you try to wash him too but its difficult when youre so drunk.

☘️So he helps you, his hand over your hand guiding your cloth over his body.

☘️Wraps you in a towel when youre done, dries you off and then bundles you up into bed with him naked.

[daryldixonsdoormat]

idk if ur still writing Outsider fics but if you do, i would DIE, i mean die begging on my knees for HCs of ur favs (Two, Darry + Steve and soda if your willing) of the reader flashing them during an argument idk why its so funny but man i think its hilarious and the boys’ reaction would be so funny

OMFG YESSSSS, I LOVE THIS. I'm doing the 'adults'. Which would be Darry, Twobit, Sodapop, and Steve. also mini stroy for each and headcannons because ive been so absent.

Warnings: implied sexual themes, steamy situations (nothing crazy)

Darry ( the actual love of my life).

~ “You dont ever think” he cuts in with a tired sigh, attempting to not raise his voice. “Darry, you gotta be fucking kidding me, I think more than anybody in this house there is no way your saying that to me”. “I am and I mean it, you need to be more careful and stop worrying–” you interrupt him quickly stepping closer to him and sticking as finger up. “Darrel Curtis don’t you raise your voice at me like im one of your siblings”. Darry groans loudly throwing his hands up obviously not letting this silly argument go easily. “I just wish you would—” you lift your shirt up flashing Darry silencing him immediately. Darry walks over to you his calloused hands sitting on your waist, “Darling this conversation isn’t over even when you try and distract me” he looks at you smugly with his eyebrows raised. You reply with the same smugness bringing a hand to the back of his neck to pull him inevitability closer, “worth a shot though”.

~ definitely doesn't let arguments go easily , but he definitely loves that mini distraction and some stress relief (ifykyk).

Steve Randle (Goofy ass mf)

“Steve I don’t know why this is a big deal to you honey” you say in a calm and settle voice trying to calm him down. To your dismay he is still not happy about the situation at all, “No you can’t just throw stuff out like that, what if I still wanted it? Then what?”. You rub your hands down your face unamused by his ridiculous behavior, “Steve that shit has been sitting out for days now, I would’nt of let you eat it anyways”. Steve starts pacing back and forth in the kitchen thinking of something to say to “win”, then a new idea comes to mind which will end this banter once and for all. “Are you still mad Steve?”, he turns around abruptly “of course im still mad—”. Your shirt is lifted up giving Steve a good view for a few more seconds before you drop the fabric down, “how about now?”. Steves lips are parted still looking in the same direction where your breasts were once on full display, he glances up, “what you say baby?”. “Come here Steve”, Steve walks over his hands grabbing your face about to kiss your lips, “I’ll make you more ok?”. Steve pecks your lips a few times before replying, “Ok baby”.

~ he will probably purposely start arguments so you can flash him more often, obviously you'll catch on and ignore his attempts.

Dallas Winston (mama im in love with a criminal)

Dally pulled you into his room at Buck’s obviously pissed over a encounter downstairs. “Why the fuck didn’t you call me over, I could’ve easily handled that fucker” he says holding onto your wrist you guys nearly face to face. You pull back from him forcing him to release the grip he had on you, “He was just having  a conversation with me Dallas. Whats your problem?”. Dally runs his fingers through his hair while backing up instinctively, “ That motherfucker was practically undressing you with his eyes. Let me see him even glance at you again I swear y/n”. Dally turns around and slams his hands on his dresser with his head down. Your fed up, Dally is fed up why not end this right now, you walk up behind him and tap his shoulder. “What?” he says still not looking at you, quickly you throw off your shirt as well as your bra, “Dally can you look at me baby?”. Dally sighs but complies none-the-less, a smirk graces his face beautifully as his hands make contact with your chest. “Trying to cheer me up doll?” you kiss him deeply making Dally stumble back a little. “Im always yours Dally not some random guy”.

~ poor thing is always so jealous and protective over his girl.

Sodapop Curtis ( I want to be that towel)

You canceled plans on Soda, work asked you to stay late, the more hours the better especially because some of that money is going toward Sodas family. You walk into the empty Curtis house where only the shower is running, Sodas clothes are laid on the couch. You sigh and drop your bag down, taking off your shoes and getting into comfier clothes. The water stops running, you walk over to the door and knock on it softly, “Soda? Can I talk to you honey?”. The bathroom door opens showcasing Soda with just a towel wrapped around his waist, “Sure hopefully you wont cancel our conversation next”. He walks past you and into his room rifling through his drawers for socks and a pair of boxers, you tread behind him leaning on the door frame. “I took the extra hours so I could help you and your family” Soda groans because he knows he shouldnt be upset over it. “I know but I can still be disappointed, we havent been able to be alone for weeks now”. You smile lifting your shirt over your head about to ask him to turn around, “Come on Soda can you at least look at me?” you say walking up closer to him. Soda turns around sighing, his eyes widens and he stutters over his words a little at the surprise, “Baby, you look..gorgeous”. Soda hold you by the sides and smiles, “Wanna spend some alone time with me y/n?”.

~Sodapop definitely values quality time

[magiturge]

it’s 2 in the morning, why not..

as many hank thoughts as i can muster before i get too tired to type on my phone lalala this wont be all of it because i need diagrams for the one im rolling in my head

• they are a thief of a myriad of things whether it matters to them or not. a thief of other people’s lives, a thief of mundane belongings or a thief of body, it can be many things.

• pertaining to the thief of body idea, i like to believe that a large portion of his body did not originally belong to it. having died so many times and likely dying more times than we have seen on screen, i think his body being made up of stolen parts adds to the grizzly idea of a killing machine. and frankly, i doubt in the grand scheme it does not really matter to it. based on behaviors observed ingame, in cartoon and some questions answered during krinkels streams, i feel that functionality will override sentimentality, if any. if it works it works, if it wasn’t mine then oh well. it is now.

• blood type could either be AB+ or AB-, i haven’t decided what is funnier. being AB+ is convenient but nothing can be perfect.

• speaking of the amalgamation of parts, a thief of body, i think being made of many insignificant parts from those long passed will inevitably result in failings functionality wise that need to be accommodated for. maybe the heart doesn’t beat as well as it should, the pacemaker jumbling about with damaged nerves that scream to heal together and do something properly. damaged vessels and tissue making it difficult to perform some functions without aid.

• one of these being compression garments that aid in his ability to enact venous return due to damaged vessels not being able to maintain high enough blood pressure. sure, he will indeed work hard enough to have the support of skeletal muscle and the respiratory pump but i think there is definitely a possible issue regarding the valves and their ability to close in order to prevent back flow.

• may or may not have an artificial, shoddy pacemaker to aid in a steady depolarization of the heart in order to beat properly.

• may suffer from more bouts of referred pain than normal that lead to it on occasion having to be checked on due to what it may imply. referred pain is a phenomenon where an injury may be at one part of the body but is felt in a different part. believed to be due to interconnecting nerves, i think hank dealing with referred pain more than normal could be something. it may pose a dangerous threat to him due to his pain tolerance being higher and that it could possibly dismiss the pain in its arm or what is left of its jaw as something not important. you can decide if hank ignores it and pushes through or could take the precaution and recognize it could cause more of an issue to ignore it.

• due to all these parts not fitting together in a pleasing manner, i like to reflect that slightly in my design when drawing it with its clothes on. if you saw that one small note i made on a doodle, you’d see that i made it important to say that asymmetry is important for when i draw them. while i’m not the best at anatomy i want to reflect the unevenness of his body somehow, in such a way you could pass it off as just an odd fashion choice.

• another choice when drawing is when drawing the hands atleast in grunt form, i try not to keep the tips of the fingers even. i feel that their nails come in a variety of bruised shades from fighting, some are chipped, some are blooming red and purple underneath and maybe one is just plain gone with tender skin beneath it doesn’t really matter to it fortunately. this is why in some doodles hank may have full set of claws, mixmatch or none.

• zzz zz..

ouh im tired now lala lala zz

[roe-and-memory]

headcanons

hi tumblr ihave like three headcanons to share currently (there will be more soon i just need to see how well theyre taken, do we like headcanons on here??)

(based off of him not having headlights but how i perceive it humanized even though racecars cant have headlights in Real Life) lightning has light sensitivity issues with his vision . he cannot see. the sun is too bright sometimes and if its dark he will trip over one of the floorboards in docs house, no matter how many times hes walked this floor. (hes very prone to tripping Always but it just gets worse when its dark) (he has rips in the knees of every single pair of jeans he owns)

docs old sunglasses have his name lasered into the arm, lightning found them basically untouched in a box in docs garage. he pulls them out and starts using them when its too bright outside and doc has learned to just hand them over whenever lightning shows up like

2. lightning just. doesnt sleep ?? he is 100% an insomniac and his nightmares are to blame. he would rather work himself to exhaustion than willingly sleep at a normal time. cue him spending most nights out in the fields or at the junkyard with mater building things or whatever until mater is the one to be like ok im tired im going to bed and lightning is forced to go back home, climb back through his bedroom window, and stare at the ceiling until he passes out. he hates sleeping because every night, without fail, he has nightmares. vivid nightmares about whatever his brain can think of, and when he does sleep hes basically fighting his sheets for five hours because of these nightmares, and then he wakes up early and goes about his day as if he wasn't at war with literal demons 20 minutes ago.

doc knows about these nightmares, of course he does, he's a light sleeper and lightnings room is just across the hall, he's also completely aware that the kid sneaks out the window every night because, although lightning is quiet around the house, he is not too graceful when hes attempting to climb out the window -- he's fallen into the bush beneath it countless times.

because of this, doc has tried everything to help him with the nightmare issue, from melatonin to getting him to just write down whatever he was dreaming about to show himself it wasnt real, and absolutely none of it worked. in fact, melatonin seemed to make it worse, and doc gave up there.

3. doc wears a silver "wedding" band. he's not married, in fact he's never been interested in having a partner or getting married at all (i dub thee aroace) but when he was younger he was certainly eye candy for girls at the racetrack and they fawned over him like nobodies business. he comes up with the great idea to get a silver ring and lie, he makes up some tragic backstory to tell whenever a woman asks him why he has a ring or who the lucky person is, and it makes them back of pretty quickly. in reality, the ring is made from a small wheel bearing, and smokey made it for him when he asked because he thought it was funny as hell and was like yes sure but pls make it sound ridiculous . and dont ever tell the same story twice. confuse them.

word gets around and he's told multiple different stories so everyone is confused, but if someone questions him he just gives them a Look and they shut up about it.

even after his crash and his inevitable leave from the piston cup and thomasville, along with his change of address, he continued to wear the ring just in case he got recognized or something.. (it was for aesthetic reasons, he loves that ring its just his signature thing now)

ok... thats it for now, is this how things get formatted here??? do we Like this???

[rainydayathogwarts]

I love the sound of that Spencer Reid fic, having that 180 in the readers emotions would be great to read

Our clouded ray of sunshine - Spencer Reid

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO POST ITS BEEN HALF WRITTEN FOR A MONTH AND IVE ONLY JUST GOTTEN AROUND TO FINISHING IT.

Also, this is only my second cm fic and I really want to get into it more so feel free to put in a request!! For now, I’m only going to write for Emily, Spencer and Hotch :))

In my head this is around season 3 where everyone is still a bit innocent but Rossi isn’t in this one, sorry..

@fuckbananas03 @deceased-badger @jinx-it commented for B and a few of you guys told me in my asks as well, so votes decided, Spencer Reid everyone!!

Summary: In which the reader is the sunshine of the BAU, but the team finds her having a breakdown in the parking lot after a case.

wc: 1.8k

Warnings: Mentions of murder/blood, the typical cm violence stuff, panic attack.

“I bring coffee!” You exclaim, walking into the break room the precinct let the team work in. Everyone’s eyes trail up, tired smiles forming onto their faces, as you go around the room, giving your teammates what could possibly be their last ounce of happiness. “And for you doctor.” You murmur, fishing for something in your pocket. “Extra sugar because I don’t think I’ve seen you so bitter before.” Spencer smiles, kindly taking the sugar packets from you as the others bubble with tired giggles.

“Anything new?” You ask, looking up at just about anyone who was willing to make eye contact with you. A file drops next to your coffee, which you decide to take a last sip of before opening what would inevitably be another file filled with disturbing images. “There’s another body.” Hotch says as you take a look at the images, and for a second, your heart drops. You take a sharp intake of breath, looking at whatever left can be seen of the victim. “It hasn’t been two days since the last victim. Either he’s panicking or he’s getting brave.” You say, though your eyes never leave the image of the victim. 

She looked similar to someone you’d seen. Perhaps too similar. She had the face, the body of someone you looked at every morning in the mirror. Someone you looked at through the reflection of the glass cabinets in the small BAU kitchens while you waited for your coffee. She was you. She was you, but she was cold and bloody and, well, dead.

“...he’s getting sloppy.” is all  you catch from Derek and you nod, as though reassuring yourself. “I have a sick feeling I should have had lunch before this.” You grin sheepishly and Derek shakes his head, mirroring the grimace on your face.

“I’m going to go back to the scene of the crime. Prentiss, come with me. Morgan and Jureau, please inform the family. Reid, L/N, you stay here, see if you find anything we didn’t catch. Keep in touch.” Almost unanimously, the four of them stood up, papers moving across the table and small exchanges being shared as the room emptied out, leaving you and Spencer alone.  “Just you and me this time, pretty boy.” Even though Spencer doesn’t look up from his work, taking the file from you, you can see the corner of his mouth involuntarily tugging back into the smallest of smiles.

Truthfully, Spencer worried for you. He had watched carefully as your face dropped for the quickest moment, before your eyebrows were furrowing and you were analysing the unsub’s change of M.O. For the smallest of seconds, he had seen your eyes widen, a glossy layer of fright covering them, your nostrils flaring and lips pursing in fear and recognition. 

But you would be okay. You would be okay because you were their ray of sunshine. It was you who found the sorrow felt in others and looked to lighten their mood. You would be fine because not one day came where you’d walk into the bullpen without a grin on your face and it was scientifically proven that smiling - even though you’re not happy - boosts your serotonin levels. Or at least Spencer had read.

Though no matter how hard Spencer tried to believe in that, he knew he would eventually be proven wrong at least sooner or later. So for the rest of the case, all the way until the unsub was in handcuffs, that’s what he looked out for, though he was unsuccessful. “Everything alright?” Hotch finally asked him on the jet. In a room full of profilers, someone was bound to realise that something was off with the two of you. 

Spencer didn’t look away from you, who had taken a seat away from everyone else, though he had kept your usual space next to him free. “She’s not. Or she won’t be.” The Unit Chief followed Spencer’s eyes to where you threw your head back on the headrest and let out a deep sigh. “She saw herself in the victim, which doesn’t necessarily help someone in this field of work. And she got scared, I think.” Hotch took the liberty to occupy the space facing Spencer, though he stayed silent for a moment, observing the agent as he worried about one of his closest friends. “Agent L/N is one of our emotionally strongest agents. Whatever it is she’s going through she’s going to push through it. Whether that’s alone, or by asking for help from someone.” Hotch intently looked at Spencer who broke eye contact within an instant and willed himself to open the book in his laps, though all he could do was stare at the page he was on. 

“You know what I think?” Emily starts, another cup of searing coffee in her hands. “I think we should all go out and celebrate tonight.” Derek and JJ make sounds of agreement and Hotch gives in, admitting he could use a late dinner since he has nowhere to be. “You know I wish I could but I’m just absolutely exhausted.” You start, “And I probably need to replace the flowers I have at home. They’ve probably wilted by now.” 

“Of course Ms. Little Sunshine keeps fresh flowers at home.” Derek retorts. “Yeah, I think I’ll pass tonight too.” Spencer says, making eye contact with you for the first time since you had boarded the jet. His eyebrows furrowed slightly when you averted your gaze over to Hotch, waiting for a cue to make your way out of the jet, which he freely handed over to you as he stood up, grabbing his go-bag and making his way out. “Meet in the parking in 15, we’ll sort transport.”

You followed his lead, deciding you’d rather avoid any questions or bribes from your teammates, ignoring Spencer’s hustle to reach you before anyone else, as he inevitably dropped the book he was reading on the jet. Instead of following Hotch up the building you waited for the elevator to go down to the parking where you stuffed your go bag in the back of your car.

You’d have to remember it tomorrow.

Oh god, tomorrow. Tomorrow you’d have to wake up and drive your car here where you’d have to work another case as though nothing happened. As though for a second you didn’t think it was you in that image, practically dismembered from what the murderous, rapist, serial killer had done to the body. The body that could have been yours. The body that could be yours in the future if you aren’t careful while working in the field or just going about with your day to day life.

Fuck. 

And it’s not like you’d been kidnapped before like Reid had so truly, you were being utterly ridiculous. You inhaled deeply, head falling against the car, hands tightly clutching the handle to the door. Pull it and you’d be safe.  You’d be far enough. But your mouth dried and as you licked your lips you realised you couldn’t breathe. Your heart pounded in your chest and hands shook as you frantically tried to pull the handle back. There was no use. Tears flooded your eyes, rapidly falling down your cheeks as you started to go dizzy, your vision before you blurring. And you were flying - or rather falling, your legs giving out from underneath you, hands still tightly clutching the door handle and you were on your knees. A crying mess on your knees with your head between your arms in the middle of the parking lot, completely oblivious of your teammates pinching each other to make sure they weren’t hallucinating.

“Is that-” started Emily, looking at Derek who stood beside her, quietly nodding. "I- should we?" The silence finished the question without Emily needing to finish it, though there was no evident answer to it. They'd all been in your position at some point. A crying, sobbing, hyperventilating mess with nightmares waiting to happen that would never leave your mind.

"Leave her." All heads flashed towards Spencer, eyes tearing away from you. "You guys go on, I'll get her home." No one moved apart from Garcia who was itching to get to you and give you a big hug, though that was possibly the last thing you needed at the moment. "You hear Reid, let's go." Hotch complied, his gaze trailing to Reid's, hoping to catch his eye. When he did, he nodded at him, as though apologising for not having taken any action. The boy would either hold a grudge, flashbacks of his own torn hope for a sliver of help from anyone pumping in his blood as he needed to watch one of his closest friends experience the trapped feeling of being preyed on by an invincible predator, an unstoppable force. Or he'd just ignore him until Hotch became right; that you'd get through it and heal whether it be with his help or not. Then he'd apologise to him for his behaviour and claim that he was worried for his friend.

Once the entire team was in the car, and they drove away, Spencer started to rethink his approach. Would he scare you if he just walked over? Would you be too caught up in your own mind to realise he was there by the time he got to you?

Fuck it.

His friend needed help.

He walked over, the sound of your desperate attempts to take a deep breath becoming increasingly louder as he approached you. He could see the subtle way your fingers, still tightly wrapped around the door handle twitched upwards and how your ankled rolled uncomfortably at being on your knees for so long. He mimicked your position, kneeling down next to you, an arm hesitantly coming up to rub your back.

"Y/N? It's Spencer. I'm going to take your hand okay? And... And I'm going to put it on my chest and you're going to follow my breathing okay?" He followed his own instructions, steadying himself to breathe in and out slowly, watching closely as your body loosened its tight grip on itself to allow him full control over your sanity. Slowly, your hand still on his chest, you started to follow the movement of his chest with your own. The first breath came with a tremble in your stomach, quickly followed by a loud hiccup that shook the entire parking lot. With time, you gathered the stability to look up at your car, your second hand coming down to rest in your lap as soundless tears streamed down your face.

"We should get you home." Spencer started, a hesitant hand brushing your hair away from your face, but when you looked at him, leaping into his arms and wrapping your hands around his shoulders, his face flushed darkly, and he assumed you would be spending some more time in the dark parking lot.

[bucksangel]

I always have Bucky thoughts. I’m thinking about Bucky coming back from a rough mission to find you waiting for him with a giant comfy sweatshirt and blanket. It’s only after he goes to put the sweatshirt on that he realizes it’s warm because you put both the sweatshirt and the blanket in the dryer because you know he hates the cold. He has never said anything about it and the fact that you noticed makes him so soft and when you drag him to the couch and pull him down to wrap the two of you in the blanket, he’s content to just let you take care of him. Cue all the warm snuggles for Bucky… ALL OF THEM!

OKAY OKAY OKAY this went a lil different im sorry but now i cant get this image out of my head

like bucky doesn’t want to do anything after the mission other than laying on the bed with his head in your lap so you can play with his hair and tell him about what you did while he was away bc he just really needs to hear your voice

and when he gets home finally he makes sure to put his dirty boots on a mat next to the front door because you insisted that he keep your floors clean so it’s less for you to clean when you inevitably get anxious when he’s away and deep clean the apartment to distract yourself

anyway. he’s tired to the point where it seems impossible to bend down and move his boots only a few feet to the mat, but he does it anyway because he’s so endeared that you call his apartment yours even though you’re technically not officially living together. it makes him happy, so he respects your wishes and puts them off to the side

and when he gets inside he instantly sighs in relief bc he knows he’s finally home and safe and he trudges on into the living room to see you in one of his older hoodies on the couch reading and he kind of wants to cry because he loves you so much. he doesn’t though, he just walks forward and squats down, grunting as he does so. he’s in a bit of pain but he doesn’t care because you immediately lean up and give him a sweet and soft kiss to his lips

and, at your insistence, he goes off to the shower, and does have to admit that the hot water soothes his muscles. when he gets out he towels himself off quickly, only to notice that you’ve laid out clean clothes on the counter that are warm enough to let him know you probably threw them in the dryer before he got back

when he walks into the bedroom he sees that the lights are dimmed except for the lamp next to the bed casting a warm glow through the room. there are snacks next to you and the hobbit in your lap. he quickly goes over to you and flops down on the bed, immediately finding himself on his stomach, lying between your legs with his head on your stomach. your right hand works its way through his hair, petting him and untangling his hair as you gently kiss his forehead before picking up the book and proceeding to read until he falls into a peaceful slumber that only you can bring him to

anyway. bucky deserves nothing but the best and i’m going to give it to him.

[spotsupstuff]

also just lettin yall kno that i will never ever fuckin shut the fuck up bout soft wbs cuz you CANT tell me that this:

“We both fight for what we think is right. That pursuit only leads to one thing.”

“Mhm. To destiny, right?”

“No.”

aint a soft moment. LIKE MAAM YOU DID NOT HAVE TO SHOOT A SOFT SMILE HIS AND OUR WAY AT ALL. I KNOW YOURE DEAD AS FUCK BUT IM DEMANDING YOU TO COME THE FUCK BACK AND EXPLAIN THIS. I HAVE MULTIPLE QUESTIONS.

its the combo of xiaotian just... saying “destiny” all annoyed because after today he has heard it more than 50 times probably n wbs just takes it like a parent would take their kid’s frustration. without any sass back, without taking offense, but with a smile and a correction. maybe even she thinks its silly how many times she has said destiny at this point. shes not even frowning anymore

and after THIS teeny FUCKIN MOMENT which blasts my heart of TERRIFYINGLY FAST she just goes

“To pain...”

LIKE EVEN /HOW/ SHE SAID THAT LINE. SHES SO FUCKIN TIRED. COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED. SHES BEEN AT THIS SO INSANELY LONG. and shes been suffering so so So much- if not through her Own physical pain, then through frustrations at her failures of Stopping the suffering all around her, hurting along with the mortal realm until she cut herself off from that by her decision to destroy it all

the smack down combo of the Softness, of the perhaps a TEENY GLANCE for us to see what she mightve been once before or what she couldve been if she just wasnt so fucking Demolished on the inside n therefore capable of bouncing back and maybe getting better with the crew and that all is taken away because shes already fading away. shes already dead, this is her final breath. and she uses that breath to exhale the ONE word that had set her off into this mad mission, the one word that encompassed her for so long that she became filled with it

“Pain”... what a... horrible, terrible and frighteningly /inevitable/ thing