#its just so damn stressful. EVERYTHING | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

br1ghtestlight · 4 months

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why am i always so DEPRESSED. my life is just so fucking boring and meaningless and if i have to do anything why is it going to a school i dont even want to go to and meeting w/ social workers. im fucking tired of this. There's nothing in the world that matters why am i wasting my life doing this shit when its empty and hopeless. AT LEAST I COULD ACTUALLY ENJOY MYSELF

#<- hasn't showered or cleaned up my room in like two weeks and its obvious #in part bcuz i was sick and in part bcuz i would rather put a bullet in my brain than do anything productive #Nothing matters. i have no friends. i dont do anythibg #and quite frankly i would rather kill myself than go back to school which is always 1000x times harder than it needs to be #thanks to unmedicated adhd etc #My life is literally zNOTHING. sorry for the outburst i think i will havr to kill myself soon #not really but. ughh #its just so damn stressful. EVERYTHING #txt

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arundolyn · 11 hours

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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode

#crow.txt #the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god #can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done #be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else #i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later #i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now #what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today #including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus #like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted #and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn #its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care #but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either #bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual #and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just #walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was #guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm

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forcebookish · 24 days

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i need a new strategy for like, cleaning my room and doing yoga and reading and leaving the house. the adhd has reached mythic levels of bad. i have the thought, "i should do X," and then i won't move. i make a to-do list and i won't do anything on it. i queue up a yoga practice and i won't do it. i stare at my room and get stressed out about how cluttered it is. i write 3000 words of notes for a fic i don't even know if i'm going to write. i think and i think and i think about my OCs and they won't let me write them. i spend hours looking at stuff i can't buy. i take like an hour to write this.

#rum.txt #i have to do something about my phone...........#i might be able to uninstall tumblr #i can't uninstall twitter because the stupid fucking thing turns off notifications when you do #so i wouldn't be able to catch up on the accs i have notifs on for #(a very small list of forcebook- and kaibaek-related accs)#i can't uninstall instagram because of forcebook again lol #i also use it for recipes sigh #but i might start just... leaving it in my room when i get up and see how that goes #i'd also have to try to not look at my phone first thing in the morning #i also have to start actually getting up in the morning #i think that's the main thing #ok maybe when i take my medication in the evening i start getting ready for bed #it'll take long enough that it'll probably still be late but reasonable late #and not like. almost 3 am like now #one of the problems with my room right now is that i have a lot of STUFF #and i'm afraid of getting rid of the STUFF #because the last time i got rid of a bunch of STUFF #(mostly clothes)#i totally regretted most of it and i'm still like ah shit i don't have that anymore? :(#but also i have a big bed that i just want OUT of there #and a huge wardrobe that unfortunately holds a lot of the STUFF #so i don't know where all the STUFF would go #and every job i apply to sucks #and every job i actually want is TERRIFYING in both its unattainability and the miniscule possibility of its improbable successful executio #so i'm like stressed out about a thing that hasn't happened to make something that hasn't happened that i'm also stressed out about #every possible scenario whether i want it or not feels like it could lead to a meltdown because everything is so god damn hard right now #AND I FEEL SO!!!!!! SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and the worst part is that i know all this is because my stupid fucking period is coming up #but just because my hormones are making me feel overwhelmed and melodramatic about everything doesn't make anything i've said untrue

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leyyvi · 3 days

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i miss pwasoi :C

yeah me too i should probably write it

#i was literally just thinking about trying to make at least a small chapter so i have SOMETHING to put out this year i #i actually hate myself for how long its taking to write or even feel like writing #like at this point i might as well do a speech to text kinda deal to at least get the damn words on the paper #everything is in my head!!!!! why cant my brain just write it!!!!!!! its genuinely so frustrating!!!!!!!#i miss having time to fuck around!!!!!!!! yall when i think about school for too long i get SO stressed out knowing how its sucking the lif #out of me #and then i smoke so i can stop feeling bad about school btu smoking ALWAYS makes me think of pwasoi

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pl4n · 5 months

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from a while back

#my art #rare colored drawings #even if its just flats #i feel like ill only ever post art if i want to rant in the tags LOL its awesome #sometimes theres just those kinda vague thoughts and feelings that feel a little pointless to actually talk to people about yk #its nice having a lil blog to throw stuff into :) journaling i guess #i dunno i feel stressed thinking abt juggling all the different life things. its smth i see expressed a lot and yeah. literally how #i kinda think hmm i should slowly incorporate things one by one. but then its like damn life just flies tf by and youve done jack shit #but then when im actually doing things i feel like things just keep piling up and idk how long i can sustain it until it all falls down #i guess this anxiety kinda comes from having had really poor mental health during my school yrs... maybe i still do but ahh #i just wonder when the next time that everything comes crashing is gonna be yk. it feels so inevitable but the stakes only get higher #so i dunno. ive been having a hard time sleeping from anxiety.. which gives me more anxiety... which gives me even more anxiety #im supposed to be cramming these tasks into these little pockets of time but i blink and a day is gone and then a week and a month.. a year #i want to do the things i have to do but also the things i want to do. but also REST #and ik that the balance between those things is extremely necessary.. bc losing that balance is exactly how shit hits the fan #hows anyone gonna manage that?#but i guess learning to do that is what life is all about.... lmfaooooooooooooooo #time keeps slipping man i hate it #ill keep trying tho ✌️ all i can do

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nexus-nebulae · 8 months

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odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets

#like logically you'd think we'd get more members while stressed but we don't usually #we actually split way more often when we're feeling okay and alive #i think it has something to do with mental bandwidth #like when mental health bad we don't have enough mental energy to put towards the system #so we just. reduce a lot in size. to make the workload easier #like a few months ago we had about 100+ people active at once all rotating out frequently and cofronting a TON #and now we're down to like. three or four active the rest really only able to be active for a few minutes at a time #we're just too exhausted to deal with the chaos of so many people so it kinda. slows down a ton #it's hard to get used to when everything was So Loud before. its kinda scary sometimes #like damn. i cant just call Incredibly Specific Task Guy to deal with this task i really cannot do right now. that kinda sucks #but knowing that this is like. more bc of the fact that we Can't Deal With Much More Than This makes it a little easier #we're a bit like my current computer. shit ass RAM bc its got like 50 malware (illnesses) on it #and once i get a new computer (get a little better and more functional) i can get back to multitasking #side note my god my RAM on this computer is shit running tumblr and minecraft at the same time totally breaks it #like it makes the Entire Computer run at 10 fps it's Great #i'm getting a new one at the end of this month hopefully #and hopefully Actually Nice Thing Accomplished will also help brain a lot #also not having to stress about how annoying to use our computer is should help lmao

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bbyquokka · 3 months

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am i the only one that can find comebacks to be a little bit stressful n overwhelming?

#the amount of album variations for a start !!#like which one do u go for?!#n its a first come first serve basis so if u dont get the one u want then ops 🤷🏻‍♀️#plus being a stay from Europe is a challenge of its own #having to find a trustworthy site that sells n when / if u do find a site THE PRICES ARE JUST !!!!!!!!#the amount of content that will be coming out as well will be hard to keep up with everything #im already SUPER far behind on skz code so im doomed 😭#n let's not forget about the voting💀#its a lil bit stressful n overwhelming for me sometimes #i love comebacks bc new content n stuff but damn.....#♡⃕ ﹒ ⁿⁿ ﹒ 🪷 ﹕ nemu's tmi

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nikosasaki · 4 months

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I'm a woman on the verge of a mental breakthrough

#if youre like mara how has your day been. well. its been everything. all good all bad #im nearly a home owner (yay!)#but having to go through a million legal documents is making my brain crack like in spongebob #so i was in. lets just say a foul mood earlier #because its also exam season so i have to start grading exams soon which is deeply stressful #and i myself am nearly graduating from my masters #but my masters tutor is just entirely incapable of doing his job #which is actually putting me at a risk of missing my final deadline #and then my mom left a window open during a rainstorm and i totally wiped out and fucked both my shins to hell #so. what now.#oh and also: if you have something to say say it to my god damn face!

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collecting--stardust · 1 year

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Me: screaming, crying, dying and ranting to my siblings on how I'm afraid of cele's future because he's my fav silly boy and the main reason why I get back to watching motogp after years

Cele: vroom vroom (improving his lap times)

#ITS SO FUNNY IF IM NOT LITERALLY STRESSED OUT #MY EYES ARE LEGIT TEARY AND THEY JUST KEEP ON SHOWING HIM IMPROVING HIS LAPS #so evil how did i go from 😔 at cele's stache to dying and questioning everything at the thought of him being unemployed #i trust him HE WILL SECURE A SEAT #and ill support him either way wherever he will go #but damn starting the weekend with an emotional rollercoaster i will grow grey hairs extremely fast if this keeps on going

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audiovisualrecall · 7 months

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Last night my mom was like okay tomorrow let's spend the day looking into the state health insurance stuff together and I was like okay great! I'll enroll in the work one and we will see if the state options are any good. I Can dream about doing The Artist Thing and not just continue to try to do the Normal (aka Neurotypical) Thing of a normal Job when my brain isn't good at that and it leads to embarrassing meltdowns and lots of stress for me.

And today.... she apparently asked dad to start working on it with me but I didn't come down for breakfast till 11 at which pt he started working on the easel he's actually decided to Make me for my birthday gift (crazy man! Looks at the ones in stores and looks at plans and decides he can do better and just goes and starts!), and he didn't mention anything to me before that, and she was at services this morning and then got some groceries and got home at like almost 1, had a snack? Lunch? And was like I'm gonna just sit down for a bit and then we can do that, but I started reading and just realized it's almost 2 so went to talk to her and she's napping. So. Idefk. I'm disappointed.

#also trying to explain that like. i have been masking a lot since i was young. so i seem 'high functioning' or 'low support needs' but that #doesnt mean NO support needs and Also ive been struggling more and more the older i get with everything #I'm realizing i will continue to need more support than someone else might think i would and #people simultaneously insult and attempt to compliment me abt it #like steph telling me i should move out and be independent meanwhile i struggle with making phone calls. i paid for driving lessons 2 yrs #ago and still havent called them back to schedule the damn lessons!#bc the mix of adhd and tism means i Cant Do It #i can look up stuff abt the health insurance on my own but I'm likely to just get overwhelmed and minimize the page and do nothing with it #i have meltdowns at work due to a mix of rsd and stress and frustration.#I'm struggling and need help but its help an almost 30 yr old 'shouldnt' need help with. and my over-60 retired parents 'shouldnt' be th #the support system for an almost 30 yr old who is so 'functional' like. I'm a gremlin that can pretend to be a person a lot of the time #and if not them then who? if i moved out how would i manage? between anxiety and adhd and depression and autism.#i already forgot to order my meds in time once! i forgot to delay an autoship and ended up with too many boxes of cat litter! i havent been #able to call the driving school back abt scheduling lessons after 2 yrs! i cant get myself to enroll in the health insurance!#i cant BE independent and i dont necessarily want to be about half the time but then i feel self conscious and ashamed and uncomfortable bc #I'm 30 and i dont ACT like it #and 'well youre not as bad as so in sos son who Cant hold a job' like. ma. I only got my job bc i was lucky.#bc i responded to tbe survey when i failed the little test in the application and someone read my response and decided to give me a call #bc nino was a good dude and the corporate bs hadnt gotten so bad at wfm.#and then my current position was also luck (or unlucky) bc diana left and they had no one else for the role and i was into the flowers and #helped out big time on making a display and on supporting floral etc before she left after a big holiday #and they were like so imran said u did a good job w that so would u be interested in the job?#i wish id said no but then i wouldve gone for supervisor which i also wouldnt have had fun with #like are there good things i got out of my job? if course. i did grow! i did learn a lot! but I'm not Good At It. is really hard on my rsd #to fail or feel like i fail repeatedly. and the stress is bad for me and I dont wsnt them to fire me over something stupid #and j hate the corporatism and the leadership #bc this type of job COULD bc good. i could do it. with a lot more support and a bigger team than they think i need #anyway.#i just... want something different.#i cant think of any traditional job where it wouldnt be the same shit

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treypug · 2 years

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💊

#personal #im stressed the fuck out about everything #and depressed as hell #again #i tried to go back to the psych office i used to go to but bc its been so long they consider me a new client #so i filled out all the new client paperwork and turned it in online like they asked and they said after that they would call me back #and schedule the appointment #well its been over a week and they never called or emailed me back and work has been so rough that i havent been able #to get out of work early enough before their office closes to call and be like wtf can i make a fucking appointment #so i dont know when ill get this damn appointment and on top of that the 1st appointment will cost double bc im now a new client i guess #and the office is like an hour drive away but none of the other offices near me have good reviews #maybe they just had a backload from winter breaks idk #but yeah stressed about that and i can never fucking sleep well #cant fall asleep cant stay asleep dont feel well after rest its bs #and im eternally broke #really need a new bed thats bigger so i can maybe sleep better with my bf #i could ask my parents for money help but i hate doing that im almost 25 i shouldnt be so fucking broke and dependent right #also ive been feeling ugly for over a year #and this weather has me fucked up #and bills have me fucked up #ugh

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synonymouslyyours · 1 year

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#vent #someones giving me a referral for an internship and im so grateful buts its happening so damn fast and i cant get this goddamn cover letter #its my first time writing a cover letter now that i have actual experience to draw upon and its such a different skillset than #the bullshit i wrote before #and youd think it would be easier but i am just so overwhelmed and cannot handle this #i found out about the internship monday. met with the guy for the referral tuesday. and so he wants my materials to recommend on wednesday #but its 5am and i dont have it done yet and im scared ive already fucked this up because i shouldve tried harder but im just freaking out #cuz i still havent done my homework and i still havent done any of my grading work for 17 fucking students and i need to interview peopl fo #project management stuff in the next couple days and i need to fix my class schedule by thursday and its rosh hashana on friday night and i #just cant do it all im not managing to do any of it #but this is huge opportunity the internship is at a great company and its 50 bucks an hour which is crazy and this guy is a great connectio #which i dont have for any other opportunity so #i dont know if i can afford to fuck this up and i just need to get it done but i just cant i just cant do it and i tried to schedule a #career advising meeting but theyre all taken until THURSDAY and the guy really likes proactive people and hes for sure going to have a #lowered opinion of me for not being able to get a cover letter done which is supposed to only take 15 minutes #so im fucked and i fucking hate everything im just so goddamn done with how stressful everything is even when good things are happening lik #whats the goddamn point #ok i think im having an anxiety attack

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nogchompa · 1 year

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Feeling a little troubled ...... last night (a few hrs ago ig) my nana (whom i moved in wit bc the tenant she was renting the upstairs 2 died n i needed 2 get out of a shitty roommate situation so the stars aligned etc) mentioned in passing that she was in my apt while i was gone, she mentioned she was looking 4 something bt then changed it 2 checking 2 see if i caught the bus.....i told her basicly i loved her n ment no offense bt my privacy is rly important 2 me n so could she pls not go into my pad when im not there bc it gives me anxiety (which she has also so i was tryna rel8 a lil bit) n she just kinda shut down n started feeling bad abt herself n getting upset tht i thought she wld go thru my stuff . Idk i jus had 2 put this down sumwhere n i havent gotten a new journle yet sigh

#i mean she is. Very ancient bless her in evry way shes 81 so im sure shes just . kinda losin it 4 a lack of a better way 2 put it n . Aughgg #Life is very intimid8ng n i wanna take care of her bt shes so afraid of Everything ever n its stressing her out so much she cant sleep #So then shes coming up 2 my apt (btw i dont have a key 4 my inside door so i keep it unlocked) Late as Haell like 3 4 AM #Asking me 2 sit downstairs w her till she falls asleep . N i keep giving her advice on sleeping better like .#If u sit on the couch watching tv most of the day..when u go 2 bed n do the same thing u wont get tired frm it #Or rrlaxing yr body n focusing on yr breathing Dont put the tv on if yr brain is paying attn 2 wats goin on there #Then u cant focus on sleeping .#And i ask if she understands n if shes listening bt then Every Night doesnt change how her routine is n i just Dont .. I Want 2 Help So Bad #But what can i do when ur not even listening 2 the vry basic lifestyle cuanges u Need 2 make or yr gna worry yrself sick :((((#I dnt think impatronizing i try 2 be gentle n understanding but also like . Semi profesh like Boundaries need 2 b had if im here longterm #Bt she doesnt rlly get that bc shes Very insecure sbt herself i think she just ... Internalizes it into like #Thinking shes burdoning me or makes me feel rlly gulty 4 needing alone time i just . Idk how 2 have this talk w her cuz i feel like #I alrdy have a million times . God i do love her so so much n im scared 4 this future i just want her 2 b happy bbut #im still tryna figure out how 2 even Talk 2 Anybody let alone a very sensitive farm raised senior #Damn this is a vent post and a half #999

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get-more-bald · 10 months

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when you're an inherently bad person🤪

#im a firmly believe that people arent truly or inherently born evil. except me ofc #the thing is that. if im not a bad person or whatever. im just incredibly unpleasant to handle deal with or be around. which may be worse #because im actually trying to be fun to be around. in general. when im not stressed out of my mind or almost (or actively) crying. i do try #and if im inherently unpleasant. it explains everything but it means i wont ever have anyone. not really.#its like a have a bad smell around me that i cant get off. which i also fear may be the reality as well.#i do shower! i do use deodorant and sometimes the fuckign. body mists or perfumes or whatever. nice smelling shite i dont actually ever wan #to use but i must be somewhat pleasant #but do i use too much of it? not enough? do i shower the wrong way? should i isolate myself forever amd not subject people to that smell?#well!#vent post #also i never fucking smile which is apparently important in being approachable. but i can blame that on the autism #god i fucking hate being who i am #im not even talking about personality rn. being trans. and autistic the way i am. and whatever else i fucking probably am. and being a part #of this fucking family and living in this god damned place. i hate it all #its difficult and i dont want to be that anymore but i cant ever stop. i can move out in what. a couple of years? i could eventually go no #contact with that family? i couldnt. but i wont ever stop being who i am at my core. and thats so depressing and it wants me to kill myself #not in a painful way though. no cutting or whatever. pills or a quick jump would be enough

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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#ok i kno i was just spiraling 2 seconds ago but one of our coauthors just commented on the paper #and hes only a coauthor bc hes in charge of access to the national park and has been extremely generous abt letting us get in there #with our destructive sampling so my boss makes him a coauthor on everything #and he said hes thinks its an incredible paper. one of the most important theyve seen for the park #which like hes not an expert on this stuff and this stuff seems real sciency but like my guy #u r on like a million amazing paleontology papers. like fucking ive seen ur name in mainstream articles #i mean theyre still Sciencey articles but like yea its real weird to hear the name of someone u kno on like a podcast lol #but just like idk the park is so fucking cool and despite my stress i think this project is the one ive found most interesting #and the fact that i got to do it at this specific park is fucking rad #so idk not all doom and gloom #damn u [redacted] u melted my heart a little #when i met him he also quoted my annoyingly dramatic writing back to myself bc i made a presentation abt #looking at microbes in the park lol #i mean in a positive way. he liked the presentation. i just find myself annoying lmao #unrelated

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novagrippia · 1 year

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#my brain is being a little stupid right now #the past couple of weeks i have Not been in a good place mentally #i havent been brushing my teeth as much i havent been able to get out of bed on time i just lie there doing nothing like i used to #had a panic attack for the first time in like a year and ive been feeling so irritable and anxious recently #like damn brain dont be depressed youre so sexy aha #and im like. no i am Not going to be depressed again i am not going there again #ive been doing so well! ive been exercising and taking my meds and ive even been meditating and doing yoga and shit #i joined a club i started volunteering my work is going well #there is no. reason. for my brain to start being like heyyyy you hate yourself and everyone else should also hate you #like actually no thsts not true i quite like myself! and I'm enjoying where im at even if its a little stressful sometimes #and im doing so well mentally #and like it was just a panic attack it doesnt mean that all the progress ive made is gone #but combined with the everything else im just like. worried im slipping backwards

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