#its like 2 am so maybe this makes less sense than i think it does but ehhhh whatever

[bloominglegumes]

i lied in my last post i have more rung. i'm thinking about old doctors and being cared about when you're not needed and more robot hugs

[mochalate]

[intro] new notification!

msby!atsumu x reader || w/c: 560 Atsumu discovers that the only thing worse than online dating, is dating advice online. a/n: oh look at that, another atsumu fic!! this one is less stressful for me though. its pretty short, with a cute little plot that won't cause me planning paralysis. making edits for atsumu is always so fun <3 i hope you'll read it!!

[chapter 1->]

r/relationship_advice • 3 hours ago

u/fattytuna95

I want to ask out my twin brother's girlfriend.

It's not as bad as it sounds. She's not really his girlfriend.

I'll try to explain.

We're colleagues, sort of. (Me and her— I'd rather starve to death than work for my brother.)

Last month, someone took a picture of us leaving the office. I was only walking her to her car but the person who took the picture wanted to imply that we were dating.

And that wouldn't have been an easy rumour for her to handle, so I got my brother (identical twin) to post a picture with her on his socials.

Obviously, just one picture wouldn't work to convince anyone, so they've been meeting up a couple times a week (they have similar interests, so they were friends already) to be seen together.

Now here's the issue— I never saw her like that before, and I thought it was just fucking annoying to watch people be lovey dovey, fake or not... but one of my other colleagues said it sounded like I was jealous.

And fuck, I am.

Do you think she'd be mad if I asked her out? I reacted pretty badly to the original picture. And I'm worried my brother likes her for real (those photos they're posting are kind of convincing...)

Edit: for everyone asking, no, I can't ask my brother. he'll know why, and if he really does like her I don't want to mess with it. and if he doesn't he won't let me hear the fucking end of it. i can hear the best man speech already.

↑ 25 ↓ •••

u/unicornpoodle • 2 hours ago

lol dude (I'm assuming you're a dude, unless you're a girl who unfortunately is built exactly like your brother) are you sure you like her and aren't just jealous of your brother being happy? fake or not

↑ 50 ↓ •••

u/fattytuna95 • 2 hours ago yeah i'm sure. I cut out a picture of one of my teammates and pasted it over his ugly mug and it made me even angrier. ↑ 35 ↓ •••

u/msbygirlie_13 • 2 hours ago

Oh hey!! I recognise you from the atsumu miya subreddit!! That's so cool you have a twin just like him!! And his brother got a gf recently too!!! (I think they're fr tho lol.)

Okay hmmm this is a tough one. wdym when yuo said 'reacted badly'??? and what was so bad about the rumour in the first place if it's an option for you now???? this is kinda weird ngl.

↑ 42 ↓ •••

u/fattytuna95 • 2 hours ago do you really they're the real deal??? I kind of laughed. And now that I look back at it, I think I might have looked way too eager to put it out there that we weren't dating. like I was disgusted or something. :( I wasn't, I just didn't want her to have any trouble. :( :( I'm sorry, I can't explain the situation any more for privacy reasons. ↑ 20 ↓ •••

u/guiltyassassin_ • 1 hour ago

well you don't have to talk to either of them... you said someone took the original photo. maybe they're still stalking?? ask them what they think?

lmfao you guys are either celebrities or highschoolers with this kinda drama

(also you keep calling your brother ugly, but then say you guys are identical? huh????)

↑ 5 ↓ •••

u/fattytuna95 • 55 minutes ago This is kind of an insane idea, but it does make sense. Maybe I'll do it. (and you wouldn't get it.) ↑ 2 ↓ •••

first chapter tomorrow! please like/reblog/reply/send me an ask if you enjoyed it :) it keeps me going lol [my other fics->] divider: @/cafekitsune

[houseki-no-suffering]

Hey! I found a post of yours (specifically a phos analysis) from a looong while ago. Just curious to hear what your thoughts on the last chapters and the conclusion of the story are!

I recently finished the manga after putting it off for 4 years, and it was an incredible but such a bittersweet read. Maybe it's just me being a sucker for happy endings, but man, it really did not get happier </3

And you probably already know this, but did you know that Ichikawa released the last chapter the same day a comet flew by that looked exactly like the comet from the last chapter? Really cool stuff but I am emotionally destroyed haha

I suppose it was the only kind of happy ending HnK could have, and I don't think I mind it as much as other things that have happened in the last few chapters. It reads more HnK than anything that has happened in the past 1-2 years of serialization.

I appreciate the bittersweet notes (always have) and Ichikawa's words that this is how she wanted the story to end, it doesn't happen to every mangaka. Also, the comet bit is such a nice touch.

As for Phos (I suppose this is the post you meant?), I do believe that they got a happy ending.

If you think about it, instead of becoming a lunarian and being prayed away like the others, Phos' journey gave them the power and knowledge to rise above them. Thanks to their flaws (being brittle, having special inclusions, maybe being the most human of all the gems) they became human, the most flawed of creatures, and basically reverted to the purity of a child, a god, sin-less (even if this is a Buddhist story, so idk if I can actually speak of sin) and therefore free of everything that made humanity always dissatisfied, dangerous and unhappy. The others renounced existence, Phos found a way to reach paradise.

Humanity doesn't come out of this looking like a nice bunch of people to hang out with, and neither do the lunarians (gems included at this point). And yet, there's so much compassion in everything Phos does: a kind child, up until the very end.

I always speculated (and was not alone in this) that Phos' job would become to pray the lunarians/everyone away, find Cinnabar the job to kill them, become a Bodhisattva... in this, I believe, the story remained true to itself. What I believe no one saw coming was how shallow(?) it all seemed in the end.

Everyone came back, making Phos' sacrifices and suffering basically meaningless, everyone started getting along and solving centuries-old problems in seconds. Then, Ichikawa introduced so many new changes abruptly... It felt rushed, lazy and overly simple, when most of us loved HnK for its complexity and depth.

Maybe it was because Ichikawa wanted (or needed to) end the series with ch 108. Usually, when mangaka put a limit to the chapters they want to write, it really damages the story and I wasn't a fan of this even in this situation.

Aside from these issues, I appreciate how Ichikawa seemed to care about the character of Phos.

Maybe this all happened so that Phos could be happy, maybe this was the only possible way for Phos to be happy? It would be a little bit like in Devilman, where the world basically ends only so that Satan can understand love. Idk, little old Phos didn't seem that desperate a case, they just wanted truth, yes, this did cause some... issues, but other than that they're a sweetheart.

This is the leitmotif of the series, after all: Phos is a kind, selfless gem who cultivates a deep sense of self-hatred.

They internalize a pressure and a need to feel useful (coming from gem society) and turn them into a necessity for change (unlike in gem society). Initially, they want to find a job. Then, they want to help Cinnabar find a job, then they want to help Ventricosus, then then want to become a fighter, then they want to help sensei, then the gems, then the lunarians...

Contrary to most of the other gems, Phos loves and loves openly and unconditionally. They start off as a self-less creature who believes that their life isn't worth anything. Therefore, they put it on the line time and time again and, eventually, lose it time and time again as they change form.

It's their journey towards truth and happiness: they change and lose pieces of themselves, forget things, renounce gem-ness in favor of humanity and then humanity for god-hood.

Phos changes until they find the form that makes them happy. Their purest, happiest form. They change so much that they come back to square one almost: they become pure Phosphophyllite, with no inclusions at all. Still fragile, still small, but selfless and cheerful. Carefree.

In a sense, HnK ends with Phos becoming Phos.

[luthienne]

what do you do for a living? (/job?) I am currently in a crisis and need some guidance. I look up to you a lot, I love your blog, we have the same passions for poetry and writing and music, even daredevil! My crisis is that I dont know what to do. In university I take classes but I dont know what I want to be. My art and writing feel pointless sometimes. All the jobs i want to do I know im not skilled enough to achieve or itd be very hard to get by. If you dont mind giving out advice... please help! ❤

hi anon <3 i think that figuring out what we're supposed to do for a living often gets tied to the idea that we're supposed to find that one niche in the world where we fit, where we're meant to be and where we're meant to contribute; where we're meant to shine, and find deep meaning in our own lives. and maybe that does happen for some people. but in reality i think we're all capable of doing many different things, and finding purpose in many different things. and in working toward many different skillsets we acquire different skillsets that apply to many other types of work.

and i don't think anything is ever set in stone. i got my undergrad & grad degrees in music, and then i found that i didn't have it in me to be a part of that world anymore. and i felt that i had no meaning in my life without it. i was No One without music, i had no identity outside of my voice—despite the deep sense of purpose and fate, even, that i felt for my life up until that moment in music, in singing, in acting. up until that moment i knew in my bones my purpose in life. and then the ground was swept out from under me. it didn't matter that i had known with certainty what my life was supposed to be because it wasn't that any longer. and i realized that i could never again tie my identity to my art, to my music, to my writing, to my job. my voice has a purpose not because it must be enough to sustain me financially or because enough people have validated my talent but because it brings me joy. i came back to music because singing brought me joy again; i thought i would never feel that again.

something i have learned through this is 1) music, like most other art forms, is not a meritocracy; there is no such thing as "you are an excellent [artist/singer/writer] and therefore you will have the career owed to you" because so much more than merit and hard work go into careers like this. it takes not only talent and work ethic but circumstance and luck and wealth. lessons cost money, coachings costs money, auditions cost money, applications cost money, travel costs money, wardrobe costs money. 2) the process is not the career. i love to practice, i love to learn music, i love to get into character, and to engage with my colleagues in rehearsal rooms and onstage. i don't love the abuse thrown at singers from directors and teachers and coaches, i don't love auditions, i don’t love the unpredictability of gig work and contract work, i don't love the expendable lens through which singers are viewed by the industry. i've come back to music but my goals have shifted.

all that to say, i don't think we have to know what we want to be. we don't have to want to be anything. our lives have deep meaning whether we have "successful" careers or careers that just pay the bills while we continue to pursue our creative loves. i wouldn't place too much importance on needing to find what you are supposed to be because you will become who you are supposed to be regardless. it is never a waste to pursue something we love, and we will acquire and internalize new skills in any field that we can apply to other fields. and maybe your interests will dramatically shift, or maybe not. i think it's very natural to have vocational shifts throughout our lives, and it's not indicative of failure. art that is made personally or professionally doesn't have more or less value based on its financial profit. the money i make from singing isn't enough to sustain me—i have to do other self-employment gigs to make up the difference. most artists do. but i don't regret the time and the heart i have invested in music, and i am sustained through the work i put into it, and sustained by the relationships and friendships that i have developed through it.

i send you my whole heart. i know how it feels to look at the future and not know what you're supposed to do with your one, precious life. sometimes we have to live in the uncertainty and know that it won't be like that forever. on the flip side, the moments of certainty won't last forever either. and in-between there is all the living we do. i promise you're not alone in this <3

[cherryskyies]

What your favorite slasher says about you

includes: rz michael myers, thomas hewitt. hannibal lecter

coming next: og michael myers, bo & vincent sinclair, jason voorhees, the grabber

Masterlist || Navigation || Ao3 || pt.2

RZ Michael Myers

Not to start off on a sexual note, but you’re heavy into size difference — both the security it brings and the idea of it being so easy for him to pick you up and manhandle you is like, the best thing ever for you guys.

I think a good amount of you rz michael myer fans are plus size, mainly because I myself am so I see the appeal of a man that is strong enough to lift you with ease, when the average man might have a struggle — even if they don’t, it’s hard to let go of the insecurity and fear that they will, whereas michael has flipped a damn car so no worries there.

You like the dominance, the fact that he could kill you with one hand, but he doesn’t. It makes you feel protected, even though he’s the one you should be protected from. 

It’s giving knife play and a choking kink. You’re into the idea of being marked by another, permanent scars left behind as a reminder of them and a hand large enough it covers your entire throat, other hand holding your wrists above your head. 

You prefer forced submission.

Something about being stalked everywhere you go is appealing

Probs an air or fire sign

Thomas Hewitt

Again with the size difference — you guys go crazy for a man that can throw you around like a sack of potatoes. 

Family is important to you, someone who goes to any length to protect and provide is something you never really had, so you find comfort in those who give what you wish you had.

I’m feeling like there is a breeding kink going on here, the idea of someone loving you so tenderly and selflessly sends you into overdrive — maybe you’re insecure yourself with your own looks, so having someone like Tommy makes you feel better — not because he is ugly by any means, but because he himself knows what it is like to think lesser of yourself for not being able to conform to society's norms of what is desirable. 

I feel like your morals clash with the average person. You wouldn’t be too against cannibalism; perhaps you wouldn’t mind trying it if it was consensual or maybe you would try it as a means of survival, much like the Hewitts. Either way, I don’t sense a lot of distaste on the subject of cannibals. 

Probs a water sign

Hannibal Lecter

You enjoy the finer things in life, maybe you’re an artist or musician of sorts – might be a slight alcoholic with a preference of wine or champagne.

Similar to Thomas Hewitt fans, you are not against cannibalism, you see it no differently than killing an animal for its meat, just less accepted by society. You’d probably help Hannibal with the designs he does on the dead bodies he doesn’t eat. 

Domestic life doesn’t seem like a bad thing to you. Having a loving husband who will stop at no means to keep you safe, Sunday dinners you share with friends and coworkers, the occasional ball or fancy dinner — it’s a dream, really.

Kids are hit or miss with you. Maybe you’d rather be the frequent babysitter or adopt, but you almost prefer your life to be child free so you can do your own thing with no other responsibility – maybe you were the child that “ruined” your parent’s love and do not wish the same thing for yourself, because much like you, a child does not deserve such a burden.   

When someone asks you “What is a trait you’d like in a partner?” possessive is a word you use often. You yearn to feel sought after, desired. You want to be worth something to someone, to be held close and whispered sweet nothings to. 

Last thing, but I feel like promises have often fallen through; people promise this or that and never go through with it, so you have some major trust issues on top of the obvious daddy issues and love for dilfs. 

Probs an earth sign

[1schadenfreude1]

Rewriting Cain Boyfriend to Death 2 Love how the BTD fandom just collectively agreed to adopt EP's characters as our own I am absolutely tormented by the fact that Cain had so much potential but just. does not have the best writing ugh he's too similar to Rire and it kills me SO I am rewriting the fallen angel, lots of headcanons below the cut

Cain's number one motivation for why he does what he does is BOREDOM He's been torturing people in hell for centuries and it's become BORING. He wants something new, something interesting. He wants to see live humans and savor their emotions. Cain misses being human He'd never admit it out loud of course, but he does miss having real human emotions and enjoying human pleasures. Of course he can't be on earth too long while angels are hunting him, but maybe, spending time with humans will help him regain some of that human feeling?

Cain is chaotic evil incarnate LISTEN everyone in btd2 is a silly dork and Cain should be one too. He should have the most unpredictable and immature chaotic energy. Do you trust this face??? You shouldn't

I think he just. does shit without thinking. Like he's been away from real humans for so long that he's sort of forgotten how fragile they can be.

"Oh c'mon little toy you can handle a little boiling water, right? Hello? Human? Fuck. Guess I need a new one." Yeah he's incredibly overpowered but that doesn't mean he knows how to USE that power lmao. He doesn't know how to interact with people anymore. he wants to be human again, but all he really knows how to do is…torture people. he's so dumb.

Straight up contradicting canon here but-- Cain feels bad for killing Abel Asking about Abel makes Cain get SUPER uncomfortable and shut down. He doesn't wanna talk about it. He definitely doesn't feel remorse about it. Nope. No remorse here. Abel is DEAD and GONE and good riddance and he DEFINITELY doesn't have lingering issues about it. Fuck you. Rips you apart with chains.

He loves bullying Damien though They have each other's phone numbers for god's sake. Cain sends Damien gore porn of the people he's killed. Those two try to kill each other on a weekly basis. It's normal for them. Yes that is Damien's severed arm on the living room wall. It brings Cain joy. Don't worry about it. Totally normal thing to say to your sibling

Cain and Rire are rivals I think this is basically canon (based on Darqx's gorgeous art and animatics) but I wanna delve into it a bit! They're both incredibly powerful supernatural monsters, but their main difference comes down to this: Rire is lawful evil Cain is chaotic evil Cain kills people for purely selfish reasons: he wants to see human reactions and feel their emotions again. He thinks that causing pain will help him feel human. Rire kills people because its his job to collect souls. He loves his job and has a lot of fun with it, but in the end its still his job.

Cain is much, much older but Rire is way more mature

Cain is more powerful, but can't do much when he's stuck in Tartarus Rire is less powerful but has much more freedom of movement

Cain likes to play the long game, seducing victims with romance before going sadistic on them Rire is a busy demon; he likes to have fun but needs that soul sooner rather than later

Cain plans long elaborate dates because he's bored and reads too many romance novels Rire's plans are short and brutal, he does what he wants and that's it

Cain loves humans and wants to savor their reactions and emotions Rire hates humans and treats them like disposable toys

Cain is more interested in pain than sex, he won't rape a victim unless he really likes them Rire likes sex lmao. its a power rush for him and it feels good I hope my ramblings make sense lol

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Do you think Marinette really loves Adrien or does she loves the idea of him in her head?

Idk but I'm agree with Alya in Elation that you can't really love someone you don't know and Marinette arguably know Adrien only on surface level, either from the magazines or stalking him. We never got a scene where they talk together to get to know each other and then BAM! They just get together.

I also feels like Adrien's love for Marinette also more a rebound than anything. The writers can say anything they want, that Adrien fell in love with Marinette in Pupeteer2. But you don't develop feelings for someone you barely know, especially when in that said episode Adrien still think Marinette hate him. It's just weird. But again, idk, maybe it just me because I don't catch feelings to someone I barely talk to. That's just creepy AF no offense.

It's really hard to say because canon is all over the place when it comes to how close Adrien and Marinette are. Season three and four make them feel like little more than acquaintances, but if you think back to seasons one and two, they legitimately were friends.

Adrien turned to Marinette for dating advice (Frozer). Marinette and Adrien gamed for hours to prepare for a tournament (Gamer). Marinette and Adrien went to a party with their friends and danced together (Despair Bear). Marinette, Adrien, and their friends worked together to make a movie (Horrificator). I could go on, but the general gist is that it feels disingenuous to say that they barely interact. They interact a lot! It's just limited to the first two seasons.

I scanned through the episode list while writing this and seasons one and two have them interact in a meaningful way in about half of the episodes while seasons three and four got distracted by the new love interests, Lila, and the awful broken Ladynoir dynamic, dramatically cutting back on the Adrinette content to the show's detriment.

The other issue is that Marinette's crush is written more and more like a celebrity crush as the seasons go on, making it feel less and less genuine. So it's understandable to feel like she doesn't really love Adrien given how the show presents her, but if you tone down the crush to a non-comedic level, it does feel earned to me and I am also the kind of person that needs to know someone before developing feelings. Celebrity crushes and instant love are things I rarely enjoy in media probably at least in part because I'm ace.

I actually didn't get truly invested in the love square until Origins showed us why they first developed feelings. There's a reason I treat that episode as the golden standard for characterization. It's some of the best writing Miraculous has ever done. The writers crammed an impressive amount of content into 40 minutes and elevated the silly teen crushes into something with real substance. I will forever be sad that the rest of the show falls so short of that episode.

Moving on!

The Puppeteer 2 thing feels like a bad joke and it might be? It's hard to tell given how weird this show can get with its humor. Either way, it would have made a lot more sense and been much cuter if Adrien fell for Marinette when she unknowingly confessed her crush to him Glaciator 2 instead of falling for her after she accidentally forces a kiss on him during a prank gone wrong.

As for the rebound element... yeah, I don't disagree. Everything about the reverse crush was just weird because Ladybug falling for Chat Noir felt way more honest and earned than Adrien falling for Marinette given the way seasons five plays. I mean, the episode right before the reverse saw Ladynoir get married and have children, but Adrien is the one whose feelings are true and Marinette is the one having a rebound? Sure, writers. Sure.

If the reverse had happened right off of the season four finale, though? Then that actually could have worked. In those episodes, Marinette supported Adrien while their friends were oblivious to his true feelings, Adrien finally saw just how much pressure Ladybug was under, and Chat Noir supported Ladybug unconditionally in her darkest hour. I'm personally not a fan of the crushes switching mid-show, but I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a solid setup to lead into it. Adrienette and Ladynoir had never felt closer.

I think it's fair to say that this is why Miraculous is such a complex show for a lot of fans. It has truly spectacular setups, but the payoff always seems to fall flat on its face.

[kaladinkholins]

Hiii, I've got an ask for you 🫣

What is the most interesting end for Mizu in your opinion and if you could guess, what do you think the writers will do?

1. Doomed by the narrative all the way (her story starts sad and ends in a even bigger inevitable tragedy)

2.She gets what she wants but will never find true happiness (maybe lose someone she loves in the way)

3.Gets what she wants and finds contentment and even happiness.

Secret fourth opition?

Hope you are well😁

Hiiiii <3 <3

OOOH this is an interesting one, and right out the gate I would 100% immediately choose Option 3 here, which is that Mizu gets what she wants and finds happiness and contentment.

Now I am a SUCKER for tragedy and bittersweet endings, they are soooo juicy like don't get me wrong (the novel manuscript I'm working on is literally a doomed-by-the-narrative type story!) but in my opinion, though all stories can be tragedies, not all stories necessarily should be.

This is because a story's ending, and what makes an ending satisfactory, is heavily reliant on the promise that it sets at the very beginning.

A narrative promise is essentially what the story is telling us to expect when we start the first episode or read the first chapter or click the start button on a game. As such, the promise is usually given to us in two primary ways.

First is the story's tone. What sort of language does it use? What sort of art direction does it employ? Its music, its camera angles?

In BES, the story starts off with some dynamic long shots of Mizu walking with her back turned to the camera through the snow, the wind whooshing and dramatic music in the background, while words fade in and out on the screen:

In 1633, Japan closed its borders to the outside world. Citizens would never see a white face, nor any face that was not Japanese. A child born mixed race would be considered less than human. Pitiable. Monstrous. From these times rose a legend. Of a swordsman. Of a sword. Of revenge.

The music ends in an epic crescendo. Cue title screen.

From the above line, we can already see that the tone is that of a dramatic, epic, action-filled story about revenge. From that first scene, we see Mizu's confrontation with Hachi, and from this we already see the promise that this is a heavily-stylised action martial arts series that will be violent and gritty.

On that note, its fight sequences also follow video game logic a lot of times, and overallm a lot of things are not very realistic or necessarily 100% historically-accurate. This, together with a lot of casual dialogue and humour littered throughout, makes it a story that doesn't take itself too seriously. It's rather blockbuster-ish in that sense, and while very well written and rife with beautiful imagery, symbolism, and nuanced characters and themes, it is not intended to be high literary work by any means.

And while Mizu's backstory is indeed very tragic, the story we see in the present is very tonally different, chock-full of one liners and silly lines (thank you, Ringo and Taigen, my silly boys, for that) as well as flashy action scenes and montages set to rock music. The tonal shift between the past and present stories is also in part what makes The Tale of the Ronin and the Bride stand out so prominently among the 8 episodes.

Besides the tone, a story also delivers its the promise through its character arc, which is presented to the audience by showing us a variety of things related to the protagonist, such as:

what the character is missing in their life: for Mizu, it is love and acceptance;

their desires: revenge, because as we see from her backstory, she has been unable to obtain love/acceptance;

what's preventing them from achieving it: Mizu adamantly believes that she is a monster who is not capable of loving or being loved, and this is why she pushes Ringo and Taigen away in present day;

and their flaws: Mizu is stubborn, narrow-minded, and is driven purely by hate and anger. Taigen tells the viewers this very clearly in Ep7 when he says she's killing Fowler "Not for honour. For hate." And also in Ep8 when he says to Ringo, "Mizu doesn't care about anyone but himself and his revenge." Mizu's "ember" is her anger and desire for vengeance.

Thus, from all this, we can come to a conclusion that the show's promise is something along the lines of

Mizu gets her revenge +

Mizu unlearns her self-hatred and stops letting her anger be the only thing guiding her +

Mizu stops running from people who care about her so she can finally get the love and acceptance she's always craved.

IMO, only by fulfilling all three of these promises would the story have a satisfying payoff.

Whether the revenge will be directed to the white men, though, is up for debate, as there are a lot of theories going around that maybe the white men aren't as evil as she thought and none of them are even her fathers, that Mizu's true enemy is Lady Itoh and the shogunate, etc. The third point, regarding love and acceptance, is also a point of discourse, because we don't know who she'll end up with, or if she'll end up with anyone romantically at all, whereby the story opts to make it an open ending focusing on platonic/found-family bonds rather than any romantic one.

Whatever the case, it doesn't necessarily matter, and I'm open to pretty much all directions the writers may take us as long as SOME revenge is achieved, blood is spilled, colonisers get their dues, AND Mizu gets to be loved and happy.

BUT if you ask me for my ideal version of that payoff... I think it's no surprise to anyone when I say I want Mizu to live a nice peaceful and secluded life, in which all her past adventures fade into myth and legend (as implied in the opening text).

Because while I'm almost certain Mizu is related to some royal or important bloodline, I don't think Mizu would find happiness in a life in the palace. She has never wanted greatness, has never even hinted at wanting power or anything like it. She craves belonging and the freedom to be herself, and to be loved for all her flaws and dualities. These are things she needs to grow and be a better person as well. A life of politics and intrigue inherent in being a royal heir, or in being a samurai loyal to the shogunate (even if it is under Akemi's future administration) would offer no such freedom or sense of peace for Mizu.

So yeah! Peace and quiet and happiness, maybe living on a farm like she did with Mikio. But of course that life wouldn't mean anything if she were to live it alone, because remember she wants and needs love and belonging. As such, I think the one most suited to give her that would be Taigen (for a variety of reasons).

This life could be with or without their bestie Ringo, depending on if Ringo decides to travel and find his own greatness, and it is implied that Ringo does leave Mizu's side to go on his own adventures, as hinted by the creators wanting a spin-off centered around him.

And also Mizu and Taigen go to visit their mutual ex-girlfriend Akemi sometimes for like special occasions or something.

I hope that answered your question, and thank you so much for the ask!! <3 <3 And on that note, my inbox is open for more if anyone else would like to pick my brain about this show, or anything else for that matter really. I may take a while to answer them considering how in-depth I like to go on these, but I love getting any and all these asks regardless :)

[kingusukaras]

some (mildly disjointed) thoughts i had about the translation of most recent leona overblot scene from the second twst novel. unsaid disclaimer is obvi these are just my thoughts and youre free to disagree. i cant stop you

read more because i might ramble a bit 💆🏾‍♀️

i'll start by saying that i'm very grateful for the novel & yuureis translations, bc its given me so much to chew on wrt leonas psyche and mental state, much more than book 2 in the game did. i havent bothered to go looking for reactions tho, bc i can already kind of predict the takes i'll find (knowing how parts of the fandom talks abt leona generally) - and i do "get" it, in the sense that i do also feel the way he tortures ruggie before he overblots is upsetting - but theres so much to dig into here, i feel like its such a waste to get hung up on obsessively moralizing

(i'll mention here that to formulate these thoughts i'm also pulling from the translation of leona's post-overblot scene, plus some moments from the game that i'll mention specifically as i go)

for example, the things leona says pre-overblot, his meltdown about dreams being stupid and useless, how the savanaclaw students (ruggie included) aren't meant to question him; they're meant to obey quietly, sound less like actual things he's trying to tell them and more like him lashing out at himself. as in, he's more talking at them, not to them. skipping forward to book 6: there we see leona give jamil advice, but the implication underneath is that everything he's telling jamil are things leona wishes he had internalized himself - again here, he's talking to someone, but really it's also directed inwards. almost like it's easier for him to look at (and speak about) himself critically when he can externalize it as critique of other people

the other thing im curious about is the distant, detached persona he adopts when he's truly angry. this'll be quick because i don't feel i have enough information to unpack it properly, but if i allow myself to spin thoughts out from limited information: it could almost be a habit he picked up as a child - something he might've forced himself to learn as part of an effort to be seen as more of a 'model' prince. if people were afraid of his moodiness because they feared what his UM (he) could do, then if he swallows those emotions maybe he can mitigate that. this, ofc, being shot through with the expectation that, as royalty, any order he gives people will obey

the final thing, for this post at least, is unpacking the way leona lashes out at ruggie when ruggie defies him. i'm willing to make the very safe bet that most of the reading of this moment is focused on leona being angry over being defied at all, or general disgust at how small and weak ruggie is (appears) to be. and while i think both of those points have some element of truth to them, i think the larger aspect of leonas reaction is jealousy. ruggie somehow, despite everything, despite all of the disadvantages life has thrown at him, still has the courage to have determination. and i want to be very clear here: this is not me saying being poor or struggling is admirable because it makes you strong - i'm not naive and i'm not here to romanticize poverty. what i am trying to say here ruggie's tenacity - a tenacity his life circumstances developed in him - is something that leona lacks, and that's what he's jealous of. he's jealous of his inability to keep having that hope, to maintain that courage in the face of his own repeated failures

(an aside: isn't it ironic that part of the reason ruggie has that tenacity is leona? leonas tutoring, leonas effective leadership of the spelldrive club, and as housewarden?)

(an aside 2x: in many ways, 'giving up' can be seen as a luxury. ruggie does not have the luxury to give up, because it could very well mean that he doesn't eat that day. for leona, regardless of what he does he's going to have a roof over his head and three square meals a day anyway, so what does it matter if he gives up? sure, he won't be happy, but he'll be comfortable in a material sense, and isn't that enough? except, of course, it isn't - not for him. as much as he tries to deny it, he's as fiercely ambitious as the rest of his dorm)

[glowingmin]

chapter 53 of this is an adjuration but its (moderately) analyzed

hi everyone we need to talk about chapter 53 aka i’m going to talk about it and you are going to listen. spoilers for the not only the entire chapter (btw i’m gonna be going crazy) but basically chapters 39 to 53 too. also yes i will be talking about all 100+ footnotes and yes i am going to be mad theorizing throughout. we cite our sources in this bitch.

first off: we’re starting off with Red being dead! fantastic! already in tears again thank you Vio. But now we get a different point of view, which is a lot more detailed. Makes sense because 1: vio and 2: four.

footnote 1: the implications of the hesitation. followed by footnote 76. green is an interesting critter. Red clearly is worried about dying, about becoming nothing if their sword is lost (footnote 93). From what I’m understanding, Vio and maybe Blue also felt the same during the sealing? Not too sure about Blue.

But also this comes back with when they go to pull the sword again! All of Link is in agreement (footnote 101). Which includes Green. Does existing again as Link where they don’t all fit back together perfectly help this along? 

“Shadows grow, harsh and angular, a myriad of isosceles shards spilling out in a tiled plane. The power of them thrums, climes up Vio’s spine in a way that is so very familiar.”

Is Twilight’s shard the same Darkness as Shadow? As the Dark Mirror? I know nothing about twilight princess so I’m probably not qualified to theorize on it. Spoiler alert we're doing it anyways. The wording of shadows here, shadows being used, makes me think that it Has to be the same thing. Especially since Vio says that it feels familiar.

The portals that are taking them across time, whether caused by Hylia or Dink or Hyrule or Whoever Else is playing Tug of Link, also seem to be this dark magic. I don’t remember Vio saying that feels similar. So there has to be some sort of difference between types of dark magic.

revision glowmin here: did some twilight princess research. Apparently Twilight and Vio can shake hands on a friend breaking a mirror and disappearing. they should start a club. 

footnote 2: Red and Vio bonding about Shadow! the pain of ‘when that happens, i’ll be right there’. but!! red isn’t here anymore!! christ!! “He’s good at that. Putting his feelings into metaphorical little boxes where they can’t touch him. Where they can sit and wait until he is no longer, and Link can take the boxes and open them up and the piece that is Vio can examine them under the safety of being a fragment, of being less-than-entire, of being whole, of being One.”

lets talk about this paragraph for a second. Link will no longer exist again. this is Unhealthy Coping 101 lads. He can’t be Link anymore to sort through all of those emotions (I figure Red is normally the one doing the mental housekeeping there anyways). So its going to sit in those boxes and rot there. Will it eventually explode? It sure seems like it during Ravio’s time travel dissertation! 

footnote 3: king link the first. Sky? is Sky the king link mentioned here? like ik he’s the first in the Reincarnation thingie. is link doomed to be the hero because he was named after the king? if he’d been named bob would he have been spared? hmmmm. i mean Sky is literally mentioned in the sentence the footnote is linked to so.

“(...) it would be so easy to think that it was a piece of the King himself that died.” 

but when you think about it, its true. the reincarnation stuff. Four is a Link. Four is a reincarnation of Sky. A part of him just died. So technically yes, I think thats literal.

“Oh. Blue. Blue is here. He can breathe now.”

“He blinks the blurriness out of his vision, to see Blue (his Blue, his guardian, his safety, his wall of ice between them and the world)”

“Of course he has to spell this out for him. Nothing can ever be easy with this man.”

the dual sides of the Vio opinion of one berry boy. The wall of ice though. Is that a callback to Blue being frozen solid in the FSA manga? And how Red had to save him? I notice there’s a lot of elemental imagery in the color-pov’s; green in particular about being comparable to the wind. 

footnote 4:Absolute whiplash of a contrast to footnote 2. We go from Red offering to hear Vio talk about Shadow to chapter 39. chapter 39 my beloathed my sleep paralysis demon. The last thing Vio says to Red.

And we know context for why Red died. Red thought that Dink was Shadow. He offers the benefit of the doubt to Dink under that assumption. Even though Vio just spat at him, even though Vio is pulling away, Red is still trying. It gets him killed. If Vio figures out that information, I feel like it’ll be a terrible time.

“Vi isn’t… isn’t really sure which outcome would be worse. Either one would be better than this limbo, this waiting and floating and his body’s instinctive attempts to make him feel.”

emotions can’t touch me these shades are gucci - vio, probably. also I didn’t realize that Vio was still holding Red’s hand when they tried to become One again. 

“After that, it’s as simple as wanting, of believing that to not be would be better than being, of feeling the thin tether of magic between himself and the gem in the pommel of his sword, and trying to make it stop. (...) Blue scoops up Red’s sword, the only bit of him left behind but his spilled blood, and two glowing points of red cut through the haze.”

foreshadowing?? foreshadowing?? i don’t remember if any other colors have commented on the tether between their swords and themselves. with that out of the way lets Talk about the difference between Vio and Blue’s thoughts of merging and then we’re getting into my Red Isn’t Dead coping theory

From chapter 40: “The three of them come to him, pushing at the magic and praying to anyone who might be kind enough to listen. There’s a flash of light, and Blue braces himself for the momentarily disorienting experience of becoming One, of having himself overwritten as a part from which the sum is made.

So we know from chapter 53 in particular that Vio has not great self imagery. like not at all. His thoughts of becoming one is summarized in that “believing that to not be would be better than being”. Blue, on the other hand, doesn’t have that thought. It’s a bit more vague, but it’s still enough to notice that merging seems to feel different for all the colors (or at the very least Blue and Vio have different interpretations).

The 2 gems on Red’s sword are glowing, and for the rest its just 1. I didn’t know that was a Thing until chapter 53. so here is my thought: where do the colors come from, actually? This chapter is implying that they are an extension of their swords. Are they physical magic, forced into a ‘body’? So hear me out on this one because I went and reread some of the other chapters to formulate this theory (i am coping hard).

What if: Red isn’t dead. He’s not alive, but not dead. Chapter 41: “Sky sees now, with horrible clarity, the similarity between the glow of the twin gemstones set in the pommel and cross guard of the sword, ruby red like his eyes were, and the sky blue pulsing light of Fi’s consciousness (...) Sky does not know if Red is conscious, if he is aware. He does not even know if he even is anymore. He knows only that Red is dead, and whatever remains of him is inside of that blade.”

First time I read this I was still in tears about Red dying so it didn’t make sense. I’ll be coming back to this theory later but for now let’s leave it at ‘red might not be fully dead he might just be in a coma’.

footnote 5: christ time travel makes my head hurt. i’m looking at it i promise i’m looking at it but the brain is rejecting the knowledge like gas station sushi.

footnote 6: FOUR SWORDS MANGA MENTIONED

footnote 7: ‘magical intervention for dead patients’ you mean the fucking necromancy

footnote 8: thesaurus dot com save me /reference

“What does he think? Of the situation? Of the idea that he has to live like this indefinitely? Of the reality in which Vio lives? Of the fact that this has happened twice now?”

Thoughts are stored in the Vio. the ‘twice now’ really hits hard. going to have a cry break again.

footnote 9: SHIT there isn’t a body either time. both times there’s some Item left behind; the shattered Dark Mirror, Red’s sword. but that’s not enough. good grief this is some trauma

remember the theory i literally just mentioned? here’s another point. I’m unsure how much of FSA manga is canon to adjuration (ik its not canon in LU shut up) but at the end we see very well that Shadow is still alive-ish.

Now hear me out: what if this is the same situation for Red? Alive, but no longer able to interact with the real world? Palace of the Four Sword lore from the Ravio cooking show?? put a pin in it we’re coming back later

““I think that creating a chain of alternative realities would be exactly the kind of thing I’d do to get them back. I think that I’d do whatever it takes, break whatever it takes, until all five of us, were together and home, and safe.” Green nods, and Vio knows that he has been overruled. “We go forward, into whatever fate awaits. We’re going to find who did this, and we’re going to kill them.””

Green doesn’t even ask Blue, now that i’m looking at it. that probably spurred a fight at some point off screen?? Also Vio mentioning five here!! and nobody questions it! I’m guessing they think Vio is out of it because Red is dead and that’s why nobody asked. remember this quote it’s going to be important later.

footnote 10: Green can’t lie? i’m gonna have to reread a bit to see that in a new light. Does Green actually want Shadow back? i hope so i think that would be cool.

“Vio nods. Wind can touch him. Wind is kind, Wind is safe. Wind is robed in blue and just as lovingly violent. Wind is a known quantity.”

Blue is also called a protector multiple times in this chapter and i think thats sweet. bittersweet, but sweet. stark contrast to Vio’s opinion in footnote 6 and between footnotes 3-4.vio honey the opinions aren’t staying in those boxes you made you need a U-haul.

footnote 11: i love these domestic colors moments they’re so. good

““I need you to get your shit together, can you do that for me?” Directions unclear, too broad.”

i am not going to make the joke i am Not going to make the joke

footnote 12: never even watched lttp gameplay but i looked it up just for this footnote. rosetta stone hylian edition real

footnote 13: seeing red. i see what you did there.

““...we lost Blue?” Not another, not a third, Vio can’t do this again, he can’t see that again.”

Green pea please be more specific you aren’t helping things. Considering that just a few paragraphs ago Vio was calling Blue their guardian, I would like to think that Vio is instantly going worst case scenario. and who can blame him, really?

footnote 14: heehoo shadow got thanos snapped, more trauma on the vio boat

footnote 15: I’m not sure how much minish cap is in Adjuration lore but him training at a young age makes him being picked to repair the picori blade more reasonable. because why else would you send a child into the wilderness without any help. he got like 2 years of training He’s Fine.

footnote 16: footnote 84 callback

“Wind is blue and water, and he feels just like a big brother should. (...) Green has his voice, has blown it away with his already made up mind.”

More elemental imagery for the colors! And its also being applied to Wind, who wears Blue, and is being compared to Blue.

footnote 17: i couldn’t find any reference of something called a ‘tracking hawk’ other than something that happens in twilight princess apparently? so maybe that’s what this is referencing.

footnote 18: hesitation to smash the Dark Mirror shaking hands with hesitation to put the Four Sword back in its pedestal? also your daily reminder that in the manga TINGLE contributes to why Vio didn’t smash the mirror

footnote 19: is this Blue perception in the memory? about the ice? maybe.

footnote 20: vio picture perfect memory canon.

“A flash of blue. Blue? No, Wind, screaming and disemboweling a moblin three times his size, an unmoving obstacle between Vio and what had been his certain death.”

From chapter 42: “The rest of them all be fucking damned, Wind is getting Vio out of this alive.”

just figured this little nod to that would be important to point out. Wind goes big brother mode and I’m here for it.

footnote 21: tragedy + time = comedy reference maybe? I figure Blue has had some time to cool down by killing monsters, so that’s probably why he’s able to muster a joke. if it was even on purpose

footnote 22: A field guide on first aid would honestly be really good for the colors/Link to know. especially if minish cap is fully in Adjuration canon. I don’t know how well Ezlo would be for administering hylian first aid in the field.

footnote 23: from FSA manga, vio: “Because I was ‘the smart one’ I thought I was always right. I learned ‘smart’ and ‘wise’ aren’t always the same’. Concussion is definitely going to put some struggle on the braincell.

footnote 24: Is Vio the only color capable of lying?

“Vio sighs, and melts into the warmth, the scent of the Dark. It is familiar and it is safe and he is free to go away.”

THE Dark? Implication that there’s only One Type, so. scratch whatever nonsense I was on earlier about there maybe being different types of Dark, ig. 

footnote 25: MINISH CAP MENTIONED!!!!!!!!!

footnote 26: more domestic color moments. Is their home labeled ‘four’? I’m assuming it is because there is an ‘r’ and ‘u’ and each color is painting 1 letter.

theory number three time: what the piss is going on at four’s house. from chapter 44: “Even still, Legend could swear that he saw the handle turn as he drops.” and then chapter 53: “Even still, Vio knows that he sees the door handle turn.” we have 2 inbetween footnotes to go through really quick and then we’re theorizing again.

footnote 27: more fodder for the theory of the colors just being their swords, I think!

footnote 28: wonder which of the colors is the most attuned to magic. maybe vio?

alright its THEORY NUMBER THREE FOR REAL TIME MOTHERFUCKERS THIS IS WHERE I GO CRAZY

“Something Dark and familiar crawls like a shiver up his spine.”

Vio knows Dark magic, okay I think we all understand that. He knows Twilight has Dark magic, the Dark Mirror was Dark magic, Shadow was Dark magic. what in the hell is dark magic inside the color’s home? no clue! this is where my theory comes in (it’s a two in one deal)

theory 3.1: Shadow is going to be revived at some point. The Dark magic is familiar to Vio because it’s Shadow, and Vio knows Shadow’s magic. Is Shadow playing tug of war with Dink to bring the colors home? How would he return from the dead? What time even is it in Four’s era at this 10 second pitstop? This is where I think that this is maybe during the late, LATE part of their adventure through time. but the gist is Shadow is somehow alive and is trying and failing to draw anything other than an uno reverse card. 

from chapter 45: ““Odd, that. It’s not like there’s anything interesting in there. We tore the whole place apart after the first time. It’s just a small town forge.””

we will bring this back up at the Ravio hour. everything comes up at the ravio hour.

theory 3.2: its Vio from the future. when we get to the Ravio Insanity I’ll get more into this, but we need to go back to this line from chapter 53: “I think that creating a chain of alternative realities would be exactly the kind of thing I’d do to get them back. I think that I’d do whatever it takes, break whatever it takes, until all five of us, were together and home, and safe.” Maybe this is Future Vio making good on his word. ripping apart time and space alike for a CHANCE to save Red.

footnote 29: legend is royalty Adjuration canon?

footnote 30: vio gaslighting hour, but he’s only gaslighting himself. from FSA manga Vio says: “But as a hero, I never strayed from my hopes and goals.” He calls himself a hero here, but then laments about it later. Plus he doesn’t seem happy during the whole confrontation sooooo

footnote 31: fourth edition hehehe

footnote 32: So Blue is to blame for the color’s haircut? I am so deep into brainworms I can’t remember if Four’s eyes changed colors or not.

““He’s got like thirty books crammed in here, where has he been getting them all?””

i love Green and Blue doing their best to bring Vio back to them. rise and shine gamer you need to read your concussion away.

footnote 33: existential crisis from footnote 27

footnote 34: excellent word choice Blue

“Vio pulls the book up, out of the bag and into his lap. It’s heavy and leather bound, with a metalwork crescent moon on the cover. A present from Ravio. (...) Ravio who insists at some point in their future, Vio will want to shatter a Light spell.”

remember theory 1? about Red not being dead? here’s more food for this theory. Four is also called the Hero of Light. A Light Spell. The Four Sword is made to cleave through the darkness (chapter 52). To shatter a Light Spell might be them trying to bring Red back from limbo. if he is in limbo. i hope he’s just in limbo.

“His brothers are both in their usual positions relative to him when they sit like this, the empty space where Red ought to be gaping like a wound.” 

you did not have to hurt me like this

footnote 35: Dark Mirror related trauma hours part TWO!!!!

footnote 36: and then it pivots right back from me tearing up to cackling about Shadow and Vio antics. I wonder what word Vio said here to make Shadow confused.

footnote 37: looking at shattering a Light Spell. looking at the magic of the Four Sword. if the Light spell Vio wants to shatter really is Red’s sword, the fact that Four is a blacksmith just might be what saves the situation

“The book is tugged from his hands and Blue’s own, cold and calloused, take hold.”

Are Blue’s hands permanently cold from being frozen? I know there’s been ice and water imagery in the past with Blue but this would be neat. Also did Blue and Green also see the note Ravio left (Don’t let anyone but you Four see this) and that’s why Blue is taking the book away?

footnote 38: we love character insight!! we love link knowing that a custom product tailored to the horse is better than a one size fits all mold!! hell yeah!

“Vi watches as Blue’s expression ices over.”

More ice imagery, this time with Wind present! Wind is sticking up for Vio like the big brother he is. And from chapter 45 we know that Wind most likely just finished telling Sky off about not being okay, too, so he is just picking up Red’s place as therapist I guess!

39: more important possible minish cap or just adventure in general books to have read

“Wind is curled into the front of him, blankets tangled up in the boy’s legs. Vio twists in place, spinning to face Blue. His brother is still in his sleep, face softer than it ever is when he’s conscious. Red’s sword creating a barrier between them, laid in its scabbard (Blue’s scabbard, they have to get him a new one just for him now) on the bedding, Blue’s fingers held fast to the hilt. Where’s Green?”

I skimmed through chapter 45-46 and I didn’t see any mention of where Green is at this point so I’m not sure where he is. But Wind is in on the cuddling and I’m here for it. And also… Red’s sword is still in the pile. Is there symbolism behind Red’s sword being between Vio and Blue? About how Blue is using the voice reserved for Red for Vio, now?

footnote 40: thinking this is pre minish cap, I think link already has a scabbard when he starts that journey.

“The boy gently presses them to Vio’s temples, and it is warm and loving and wild and red.”

All of those adjectives are applicable to Red. food for thought.

“Vio looks back down at the book in his hands. Not Ravio’s, good. His brothers aren’t that stupid, thank Hylia.”

So here I think the other colors have seen the note Ravio left them. I don’t know if they’ve discussed anything about it or not. or maybe they don’t know and its only Vio?

footnote 41: concussion

footnote 42: book (yeah I don’t have much to say for these two footnotes)

“The fire is warm and the floor is hard under his shoulder blades as he stares up at the ceiling, Blue on one side, Wind on the other.”

Wind is shoving Green out of the equation I think. I feel like this animosity will probably become important later but so far I don’t think anythings happened.

footnote 43: I know nothing about coffee so I really don’t know what this footnote is about, but Red is precious as always.

footnote 44: BODY LANGUAGE FOR DUMMIES i cackled when i saw that

“Green visibly chews that idea over in his mind, probably working overtime to have an original thought.” Compared to chapter 46: “Green frowns, starting to mentally replay every interaction that he has had with Legend. The universe, or fate, or… Hylia, maybe the Goddess herself decides that that is enough thinking for him today, because that is when the portal opens.”

footnote 45: “Not that Shadow's pressence here is strange, but for the first time, Vio didn't sense him coming. The alarms didn't start going off. He was woken by a physical touch, not warned seconds before by the indescribable feeling of wrong that slithers up his spine whenever this boy gets too close.”

WE ARE GOING TO BE COMING BACK TO THIS FOOTNOTE KEEP IT IN YOUR BRAINS FOLKS

footnote 46: Sky is arguing with Green, and then it references the downfall of Skyloft. beans

footnote 47: arson is the answer. arson is always the answer.

““Walk away before I break your nose again.” His protector says this as casually as if he were listing off how many nails they needed to make that week.”

Blue is (as the quote says) protecting Vio here. which is sweet. Blue broke Green’s nose back at the ranch (chapter 46)

footnote 48: Dark Mirror shattering reference? I wonder how long after the adventure this is. Also we know one set of the footsteps is Blue, but who’s the other? 

footnote 49: A feeling of something Dark, something wrong slithers with a shiver up his spine. Vio looks up, and sihloutted in the moonlight, there is a boy in a tree.

WE’RE COMING BACK TO THIS ONE TOO.

footnote 50: honestly surprised its not a plastic plant but this is arguably funnier

““Hyrule says a big fight is heading our way. We aren’t going to be able to keep you out of it.””

We’re at chapter 47 now!

footnote 51: considering how Easy the bow is to use in FSA this footnote makes a lot of sense.

footnote 52: multivariable calculus and ‘simple straightforward’ do not belong in the same sentence vio what the shit.

footnote 53: in the manga vio is shown to load 2 arrows at once, so yeah archery being preferred makes sense to me!

footnote 54: blacksmith fun!

footnote 55: god i fucking hate geometry all my homies hate geometry

footnote 56: MINISH!!!!

footnote 57: john mulaney reference?? also grandpa and the colors! wonder where Four’s father went

“Vio nearly laughs at the realization that all of that pain and suffering could have been avoided if they had simply gone through in pieces every time. And he’s supposed to be the smart one.”

They’ve been through a few portals since Red’s death by now, so the fact that he’s only noticing this now speaks volumes to how… mm, withdrawn into himself he’s been.

“Vio stares at the portal itself, considering. Hyrule made this. He didn’t know that was something that one of them could just do. (...) Vio slides his hand into his own pack, feeling around until he makes contact with the book Ravio gave him, finger tracing delicately around the thin ornamentation. All this time, he has had the directions for non-paradoxical time travel literally in his fucking pocket.”

hey remember theory 3.2? this might be where Vio gets the idea that he can do this sort of thing.

revision glowmin here: for some reason footnote 58 got deleted. So here it is! Vio does in fact look smug.

““How long have you known that Red was going to die?” Vio aks, voice as hard and unfeeling as stone.”

More earth elemental imagery for Vio!

“Ravio flinches, not meeting Vio’s stare. “The eighth,” he practically whispers, as if confessing to a crime.”

I know I mentioned this in my Ravio Board Analysis but the Link To Ravio timeline traveling being nonlinear makes my brain hurt and I cry. 

footnote 59: Vio would forgo reading to watch Blue and Vio spar (?) so you know its good stuff

““So don’t. Because I’m sorry Legend, but I’m going to have to kill your husband now.” Blue says this as gently and steady as a summer rain.”

graduated cylinder homophobia

footnote 60: the stark comparison between Blue’s playful sparring with green (footnote 59) and the dance fight with Red (this footnote) really makes him going for Legend look like murder. which. was the point but you know what I mean

footnote 61: I am 90% sure this scene happens right after Shadow disguises himself as Vio in order to get the other colors to actually fight Vaati effectively. We don’t see which direction Shadow leaves and Vio enters from, but it is possible that its the same direction. and the next time we see Shadow he is limping, so,,,, yeah.

“(...) Blue flips his grip on Red’s sword and slams the pommel into Legend’s nose, which Legend answers with a shield bash of his own right to his brother’s face. Vio hopes it hurts.”

This strikes me as a bit odd since Vio has been calling Blue ‘protector’ and ‘guardian’ throughout this chapter, albeit with pauses of dismissing him for brashness. Perhaps its because of the note Ravio left in that book, and the knowledge that in the future he wants to shatter a Light spell? And in order to do that Ravio must still be alive, so that’s my reasoning on why Vio wants Blue to hurt.

footnote 62: MINISH CAP MENTIONED also this must be before the minish cap journey because I think after that any attempt to say Link is ‘too old for that nonsense’ is thrown out the window.

footnote 63: vidow (metal pipe sound effect)

““Captain,” he says, walking over to him first. “This is from him.” (...) A room full of eyes on him, Vio tears open the envelope and carefully pulls out the single scrap of paper. (...) ‘You’re going to have to trust me, Violet. And you’re going to have to prove you’re as good a liar as he says you are. I’m trying to help all Five of you. -Not a hypocrite, either.’”

WE’RE HERE ITS TIME FOR THE THEORIES TO COME ROLLING. YOU REMEMBER THE FOOTNOTES I TOLD YOU TO REMEMBER? THEY’RE COMING IN NOW.

back to back here we have the mentioning of a ‘he/him’. I think its pretty clear that when Ravio is addressing Warriors, he’s referring to Wind in the future. Wind hasn’t gone to the War of Eras yet, and he gets called some weather nicknames in chapter 52 (“That crazy little hurricane who knew more than any person should, and was drowning in the weight of all that unwanted wisdom.” (...) “kidnapping people like my poor self and that damn riptide.”)

So that begs the question: who is the ‘he’ Ravio is mentioning in his letter to Vio? Is this future Wind? I see two possibilities, and so I raise you theory 3.2.1: Wind is the one who is helping future Vio rip holes in the fabric of time. You remember right before footnote 10, where Vio mentions five instead of four? Maybe this is where Wind would get the ‘five’ from when describing things to Ravio. Not super important I think but it is absolutely worth mentioning.

now I hope you’re ready for my insanity folks!

The line ‘not a hypocrite either’ leads me to believe that Ravio is referring to himself and Legend. Ravio is Legend’s dark world counterpart, just as Shadow is Four’s. To imply that he is not a hypocrite means that Ravio knows of Shadow’s existence. More than that, he knows of Vio and Shadow’s relationship. 

Now I’ve reread Adjuration 3x now and Legend has completed the Palace of the Four Sword (chapter 24: “I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Legend’s mouth moves faster than his brain for once in his life, and he winces, but goes with it. “I knew I recognized that damn sword.”) My running theory is that perhaps the Palace of the Four Sword being in the Dark World is what could possibly lead to Shadow being revived. let me explain.

in the board of madness of chapter 49, we get the timeline of the visits. Chapter 49 is visit 8 for Ravio. It is the only one thats black. For Ravio, he apparently learns who Shadow is BEFORE he learns who Red is. The visit for when he learns about Shadow (visit 8 ravio visit 6 links) is yet to happen in Adjuration. There’s 1 more visit between visit 2 ravio visit 8 links (visit 6 ravio visit 7 links) so SOMETHING is going to happen between the next 2 visits, i guarantee it. My theory? Control is going to be waived from Dink (if only slightly) and he is going to Get Pissed. More on that later but first: who’s at the forge.

Each time Shadow’s magic/Dark magic is addressed by Vio, it is done in a similar way. Chapter 53: “The power of them thrums, climes up Vio’s spine in a way that is so very familiar.” “Something Dark and familiar crawls like a shiver up his spine.” “He was woken by a physical touch, not warned seconds before by the indescribable feeling of wrong that slithers up his spine whenever this boy gets too close.” “A feeling of something Dark, something wrong slithers with a shiver up his spine.”

Every. Single. Time. Dark magic is either called ‘familiar’ or ‘wrong’, and it sometimes causes Vio to shiver. There is some force of Dark magic attempting to bring the chain to Four’s forge. It is that line about it being familiar when they drop in their most recent visit that leads me to believe that it is Shadow. How is it Shadow? Freyja confirmed that Shadow is 100% dead at the end of the events of the manga, so we know he’s dead. I have almost zero basis for this but I have a Theory (this logic is solely going off of the “Entity in the Forge” vibes).

In chapter 24, we get insight on the Palace of the Four Sword from Legend. “Don’t think about where he saw it the first time, don’t picture Four like that , don’t think about the malice and the stench of death, the black magic and the hatred rolling off the blade in waves. Fight now. Panic later.”

Is there a difference between black magic and Dark magic? I don’t know enough Zelda lore to say for certain. What we do know is that Legend is from Four’s future. Time travel confusion aside, in a Link to the Past, there is a copy of Red. What I think is going on here is that the Palace of the Four Sword being in the Dark World is perhaps a catalyst to revive Shadow. He came from the Dark Mirror after all; surely that much Dark magic in one place would be good for this sort of thing? The hatred is a bit concerning but I think a little anger is good as a treat.

How does he get back to his proper time period? Cia’s spellbook, I think. I truly honestly 85% believe that the tug of war here is between Shadow and Dink/the Yiga Clan. From tumblr, we have the list of the chain as follows: Sky, Four, Red, Green, Blue, Vio, Time, Legend, Hyrule, Wind, Twilight, Warriors, Wild, and then a redaction of a member.

(brief pause by revision glowmin here: the distinction of Four being different than the RGBV is a neat detail)

As far as I know there’s only a few options that this 14th Link could be. It could be the link from Spirit Tracks; unless Adjuration Wind also has that adventure. It could possibly be the Ancient hero from BOTW, the one shown on the tapestry and then in the Hero’s Aspect in TOTK. It could be the first ever Link, the one before Sky. Or it could be Shadow. I don’t think any of these four options deal with Dark magic other than Shadow.

There’s also my other theory that it’s Vio (and possibly Future Wind?). Vio has already made it clear that he will do whatever it takes (confirmed by freyja via tumblr: “Vio is willing to get his hands dirty. Vio is willing to shatter fragile things. Vio has nothing left to loose.”) I’ll bet my stockpile of gummy worms that the other 15% is this scenario. (“He doesn’t need to. For the five of them, there is no price too high, no cost too great. He’s going to do whatever it takes.”)

(revision glowmin again. no cost too great? hollow knight moment.)

Now let’s talk about the Yiga Clan for a bit. I want to strangle them like a wet sock. They’re like the Eyes of Ganon that Hyrule talks about sometimes. I know little about them, but the point is that their goals are the same: kill the hero to revive Ganon. For the Eyes, its Hyrule, because they need his blood. For the Yiga Clan, it’s Wild, because… well, he killed Ganon and its revenge time.

I think the reason the Yiga Clan are so against the chain being in Four’s era for more than a few seconds (other than the fact that they’re not the ones taking the chain there) is related to Ravio’s thesis. “His era might not be poison to Darkness the way that Sky’s is, but it’s too closely guarded.”

If the chain wind up in Four’s era, and the Yiga can’t wrangle them back, Dink might lost control of the ordeal. For the most part it seems like he’s been the one picking and choosing where the portals will lead the heroes. (“The Captain arches an eyebrow, “Who are the other players?” / “Hylia, The Yiga clan, and Hyrule, though he has hesitated to take his turns, for starters.””)If he lost that control, I feel like it would be a spiral of madness as he goes off script to get them back under his thumb.

For the silly, how I’ve been coping with the angst has been that Red and Shadow are 2 ghosts following the Chain around and just watching all this shit go down. Canon? 99% sure that’s not the case, but it sure would be funny! i drew a little something to commemorate this coping mechanism.

okay. ramblings and thoerizationings are over (I probably repeated myself way too much). tldr: there’s plausible cause for the dark entity at Four’s forge to be Shadow, but it could also possibly be Vio from the future/near the end of the journey. Whoever it is, they’re threatening to remove some of Dink’s control of the situation and that might Escalate Conflict. The Palace of the Four Sword is important to a possible Red revival (and maybe Shadow)! I am never going to emotionally recover from this.

back to your regularly scheduled analysis that is probably going to go off the walls again.

footnote 64: again: if Four had been named Bob and not Link, would the Minish have had to pick a different hero? I wonder what reasoning Four’s father had for naming him after the king, anyways.

footnote 65: Ravio and Legend’s dynamics being directly related to Vio and Shadow. More correlation of Ravio saying he’s ‘not a hypocrite either’.

footnote 66: domestic color antics. Blue screaming that he’s going to kill Red, starkly contrasting with how Blue reacted when Red actually died. We know that Blue was exaggerating here in the flashback but it’s here, so its getting mentioned.

“Vio gets up, leaving them to it in order to get a better view of Ravio’s notes. It’s not hard to follow. The Timeline in the middle, their lives in bullet points on one end, their visits to this era in history on the other.”

Vio sweetie I don’t understand the visits to the Ravio Center. at least he gets it so good for him I guess.

“Wind marches over, frowning. “What are you - oh.” The sailor frowns as he takes it all in. “Why is my name all over this?” / Green blinks. “That’s what I was asking you.””

The revisitation of the animosity growing between Green and Wind! 

footnote 67: Not sure when this flashback takes place, but I’m assuming its shortly after Shadow’s death?

footnote 68: There is a lot of. unrest in the chain because of Red’s death. Twilight gets outed as Wolfie, the colors are in shambles, Green and Wind are fighting, Twilight and Wild are not having good terms, the Fierce Deity is brought out, etc etc it is a Shit Show.

rapid fire footnote time

footnote 69: Legend just said that he might not stop Blue from killing Ravio this time. This is, of course, comparable to how the last thing Vio said to Red was to spit in his face. which is what this footnote is a recap of.

footnote 70: projection moment

footnote 71: Shadow gets blasted to bits

footnote 72: I believe this is a callback to footnote 48

footnote 73: More broken glass imagery back to back. Vio pointing out that for the next two visits that happen for Ravio is going to be when he possibly learns who Shadow is, and a better understanding of Red. I think. the timeline of the Ravio Hours hurts my head.

footnote 74: WHO IS THE HE. we already went over this but I’m bringing it up again. Wind or Shadow, I’m placing my bets.

footnote 75: Red again reassuring Vio about Shadow, and about how they all would like him back. Which is, again, making Vio spitting at Red right before he dies all the worse.

footnote 76: “Green on the other hand, feels nothing but the desire to get this over with.” Now that I’ve given it more thought, I don’t think this is ‘hee hoo Green is Diet Link’. I think Green is still feeling unnerved about it (see footnote 1), but its perhaps muddled over him trying to keep the others from backing out.

footnote 77: of course vio knows statistics

footnote 78: Vio calling himself a traitor here, I think is an implication of how he considers himself a villain but… if he’s a traitor to Shadow, who is the ‘villain’ here, at the very least it’s morally grey territory. i think. i don’t know man

footnote 79: I believe this also happens right after footnote 48

footnote 80: Okay but the fact that this is ‘twice will happen thrice’. This has happened twice to Vio (Shadow and Red). The third time would be Ravio.

footnote 81: Wind specifically being mentioned here is important I think. I don’t know why its important but it feels important. especially since he was the one who stood up to Green.

footnote 82: crying

“Vio freezes, words going still in his throat as they choke him. He’s getting overly emotional. He’s getting worked up. His feelings are trying to exhume themselves.”

I feel like this is a direct callback to the start of the chapter. Vio says that he can put all his emotions into boxes to save them for when he becomes One. I think the boxes are beginning to overflow.

footnote 84: another continuation of footnote 48, 72, and 79 I think.

footnote 85: Vio throwing shade at Green

footnote 86: blue performed a whoopsies

footnote 87: Derealization moment I think. Which honestly, yeah with all the screaming going on in this scene I can. yeah.

“Vio turns and sees Wild, lowering a serving tray down, upon which rests four cups full of steaming tea.”

Four cups, but I think in this case the four are Vio, Blue, Green, and Sky. I don’t think there’s anyone else in this part of the conversation. 

footnote 88: IMPORTANT!! IMPORTANT SHIT HERE!! SOUND THE ALARMS. Not only is it a title drop, but we also have Shadow beginning to understand that he can be more than just one thing. He was created by Ganon to be evil, yes, but then in the manga Zelda tells him that he is as much a hero as the colors are. I think this is a scene that will come into play later if the entity at the forge is in fact Shadow. or if there’s any future Shadow related plot points.

footnote 89: I think Vio might be the only color capable of lying. In chapter 53 we hear that Blue nor Green can (or are good at) lying. Red being able to lie isn’t brought up, but I’d assume it to be the same scenario.

footnote 90: quote straight out of the manga

“Everyone else moves an instant after Legend’s fist crashes into Wild’s eye, to pull them apart or join in the fight, Vio isn’t sure.” 

Here we learn that Legend punches Wild! I’m pretty sure this is where his knuckles get injured, and its the wound Hyrule’s blood heals.

footnote 91: Shadow dies and then Ganon shows up, so it is… a situation, that’s for sure! Unless Adjuration takes a different spin on that part of the manga. Vio calling himself a villain again is also important because he does not define himself as a hero.

““I’m not letting go of Red,” Blue says, as passive a threat as a sheet of ice above a turbulent river. “Take me if you need to, but not Red.””

It seems like all of the colors understand now that they are (?) their swords. He’s telling Warriors to take himself, but not Red, in reference to disarming. Also, more ice and water symbolism!

footnote 92: ‘singular point of light’. I feel like this might be a contribution to shattering a Light spell

footnote 93: fire imagery for Red!

footnote 94: IT WAS THE WORD FOUR. okay good I wasn’t tripping. I think the black paint here is for Shadow. And since its Link doing this, I think that it is proof that its not just Vio who wants Shadow back but rather All the colors.

footnote 95: callbacks to all the training flashbacks of Link and his father, I think

footnote 96: Ravio says that Four does not fail, and then the footnote is a flashback of him failing to exist after merging back together for the first time. short king stay winning

footnote 97: MINISH CAP MENTIONED. but also ‘happy and warm and safe and red’.... more Red imagery

footnote 98: I think this must be shortly before the adventure begins. Link isn’t split, but he knows that he is able to. So it has to be after the Four Sword is removed from the seal, but before the journey starts else he’d probably be addressed as Four here.

““But we keep going there, so it’s not entirely out of the running?” Warriors asks, trying to make sense of the plot. / “It wasn’t, but it is now.” Ravio sighs. “Dink isn’t sending you there, he isn’t going there if he can help it. The risks far outweigh the benefits.”

refer back to my deranged ramblings about Dink losing a smidgen of control of the situation in regards to this quote.

footnote 99: More wondering of how Ravio learns there’s 5 instead of 4. It’s not mentioned in the Palace of the Four Sword as far as I’m aware

footnote 100: again I am pointing at my deranged ramblings above.

footnote 101: In comparison to Green wanting to get it over with, Link being entirely in agreement to split again here is important. The seal will hold for years, they have time to exist. Why spend that time needlessly suffering?

footnote 102: I would ALSO like to know what happened to the Four Sword Ravio. also cute nickname hours and domestic color times.

footnote 103: MINISH CAP CALLBACK to Zelda and Link being childhood friends. It’s also a FS manga callback but shhhh

““The fate of the Four Sword is not relevant to the mission at hand… Captain.””

The hesitation here. I think it means something. I feel as if its to be directed at someone else (maybe Vio?) that this point of the story isn’t important yet.

footnote 104: And here’s the distinction between Four and the colors, in the 14 links guide.

footnote 105: Green is not Diet Link and we all will die on this hill

“One revelation at a time, Ravio chips away at the stone of Vio’s heart.”

More earth elemental imagery for Vio

footnote 106: (we did it we made it to the last one holy shit.) and of course the last footnote is domestic color moments, and its just… so bittersweet.

““Hey Vio? Can you finish this for me?” Ravio calls him back to the real world. He’s kneeling over a small pile of books, pointing to the righted bookcase by the front door. “I need to check on someone.””

This is absolutely done on purpose. “Between History of Masks and Hytopian History of High Fashion, entirely unassuming, is Cia’s spellbook.” There is absolutely zero way that this part, getting Vio to see Cia’s book here, was not intentionally orchestrated by Ravio.

“What this Palace could be Vio has no idea, yet he thinks the answer to both questions might be one and the same.”

alright we did it. we finished the play by play. a few wrap up thoughts and then class is dismissed.

ranking my theories based on how probable I think they are.

1: Shadow is the one at the forge.

2: Wind and Green’s animosity is going to become a key point later on.

3: The ‘he’ mentioned in Ravio’s letter to Vio is Shadow.

4: The ‘he’ mentioned in Ravio’s letter to Vio is Wind from after the War of Ages.

5: Future Vio is the one at the forge.

6: Future Vio is being assisted by future Wind at the forge.

7: Cia’s spellbook is going to corrupt the colors, leading to the versions of the colors that Legend fights. Could possibly be an alternate timeline

8: The Palace of the Four Sword was put in the Dark World by malicious forces to keep the chain from getting something important out of there.

overall this chapter absolutely demolished my mental state metaphorically and literally. revision glowmin will return at a later time to maybe make this more coherent but I unfortunately sold my braincell already. i heart adjuration but it needs to start paying rent.

[midnightkolrath]

Quick thought ideas on a DMC2 remake potential

Thinking about DMC2 recently and how a remake could benefit into making the story MUCH better than how it unfortunately ended up (due to the messy development of the game but alas). These are just things I've thought about off the top of my head on how they could easily benefit from remaking 2 and putting in much needed reworks and additions because man this game has potential still if redone right. I threw these on Twitter recently, but I'm giving abit more expansion here. I'm sure there's more ideas, but this is all I've gone to throw on the floor for right now.

Give Argosax an actual personality that matches their description of being a demon lord and rival to Mundus in territory terf war. They also have a cult like Mundus, as DMC2 has highlighted, so...surely they need to be represented better as a threat, yeah?

Make Arius much more of a threat. He’s a sorcerer, so have him FLEX that alot more. He made Lucia and the secretaries, who're artificial demons, and he ends up taking in Argosax's power...so like...keep him abit hammy if you want but make him the SCARY kind of hammy.

Potentially have Dante and Lucia’s campaigns be steamlined into one consecutive storyline. Alternate as the story goes on like in DMC5. I feel like since the two campaigns were mostly, iirc, copy paste parallels...they could just have the two stories basically run side by side. Give Lucia's side more room to be more unique.

Have more lore for the Protectors (The group Matier and Lucia belong to). They fought Argosax and worked together with Sparda, so like…an added crumb of flashback or so wouldn’t hurt imo. I'm not asking for like a whole big thing on it, just... [pinches fingers together] abit more.

Have Dante and Lucia interact abit more. Lucia being outted as an artificial demon is something I feel can have more connection there. A ‘Devils Never Cry’ moment, if you will. As cheesy as it can be seen nowadays, the series IS named after it. Well....moreso the fact that any demon encountering Dante 'may cry', but you get what I mean. Plus, its stated Lucia has a crush on Dante....so like...give that more to lean on? I'm not saying they have to build to anything actually happening, as we know how Dante is, but juuust enough, you know?

Have Dante’s brooding be more akin to, say, how the first DMC anime handled it. I feel like he was a good balance of ‘Man I’ve been through shit’ tiredness but still ‘I got some snarky humor and understanding towards others’.

The obvious rebalancing of weapons so it isn’t just GUN 24/7, but they can be cheeky and add an achievement referencing that, sure why not.

Maaaaybe add styles. Though acrobatic Dante with the movement he can do in this game, while silly, is still kinda fun. Trickster DOES have its roots from this game, as an inspiration.

Give the bosses in this game personality, please I am begging. They’re barely, if at all, memorable because they’re plain as hell. Remake them, replace, idc, I just want that boss banter.

Speaking of, make the Argosax fight less a pain and maybe better utilize that fact that it reuses the DMC1 bosses. I feel like we can go more body horror on it, esp if Argosax gets more a personality. Like…Argosax’s title is literally Argosax the Chaos, go crazy on that.

Speaking of Argosax having potential...did you recall that they casually flip genders in the second form they turn into? To me, you can make that unsettling in the sense that you can make Argosax sound more unsettling. Like the idea brewing in my head is to make it sound like more than one person speaking at once...like a legion. Or akin to how the true final boss for Sonic Frontiers was handled voice wise. Like I said, you can REALLY potentially run more with the fact that Argosax has 'Chaos' in the title.

[probsnothawkeye]

At midnight Central Daylight Time on Friday, March 29, 2024, @athansmusic released his debut album. Limbo, the album in question, is a story of hurt, addiction, regret, healing, recovery, and content. Over the course of three years, Athan worked to create this album, pouring his entire heart and incredibly personal experiences into each of the songs. I originally intended on doing short form reviews of each song, trying to fit all of my thoughts into a tweet or less; but Limbo deserves far more than that. Each song tells a story and each story has a parallel; to reduce that to two hundred and eighty characters would be a disservice to the album and to you, the person reading this. Before we begin, I should make a few things clear:

Things I am not:

A trained musician

A professional critic or reviewer of any sort

Things I am:

A lover of music

Someone who was deeply moved by this album

With this out of the way, we are ready to dive into the world of Limbo and the stories Athan has weaved into it.

Song 1 - Limbo

The album opens, as you might expect, with the titular track. Limbo immediately gives you the sense of being stuck; stuck in life, stuck in your emotions, stuck in your own mind. “I’ve been stuck here / Stuck in limbo for days” is the line at the heart of the chorus and this sentiment can be felt in every inch of the song. The instrumentals of this song start with a simple beat that grows over the course of the first verse and bursts into a full life in the chorus. Athan has a propensity for voice modulation that works so perfectly with the instrumentals that are being layered. What is especially noteworthy is the way the chorus progresses from one of finality to one of hope. “I don’t think I can / I don’t think I will / make it out of here / Maybe I never can” becomes “I don’t think I can / or maybe I will / Make it out of here / Maybe I can”. Despite this sense of being trapped, being stuck, there is still hope. It’s that hope that will become a thread throughout the album as it goes from one of pain and regret into growth and relief.

Song 2 - Chronic

There are two sides to Limbo. Side A deals with pain and that is seen very clearly in Chronic. As a person with pretty severe depression, I latched onto Chronic right away; it’s the kind of song that reflects exactly what I’m feeling without the song or its creator knowing what I’m feeling. The lyrics portray a sense of listlessness and a lack of belonging that digs deep into the heart and squeezes it from the inside out. “Hold on tightly / to what excites me / Otherwise I might drown, shit, it’s tempting.” I have felt this exact thing multiple times in my life; hell, multiple times in this past week. There is an incredible amount of relatability in Athan’s lyrics– something that clearly comes from his personal connections to the songs he’s writing. You cannot fake that kind of emotion and it is emotion that anyone can latch onto and relate to. Couple that with the slow, almost reverberating beat of the song and you get the masterpiece that is Chronic.

Song 3 - The Valley

The Valley is one of the shortest songs on the album, however that doesn’t stop it from being an emotional punch to the stomach. It’s a song about family, about the pain that family can cause and the ways that it impacts a person. It’s about the excuses that people make for themselves, for their families; how even when you know it is an excuse, you still end up craving it. It’s a song that both minimizes its own pain and allows itself to feel it fully. “And my problems are small / But they’re taller than me”. Two lines that encapsulate an emotion that I cannot name but have felt time and time again; two lines that help drive that punch to the stomach that this song provides. Athan has a way of creating these songs that have a beat to them that doesn’t feel like it matches with the emotionality of the lyrics, and yet it all blends together so well. The Valley is short. But it does so much with its runtime that you forget that it’s a short song.

Song 4 - WhatDoIDo

WhatDoIDo is one of my favorite songs on Side A. It hurts me in a way you might not expect when you listen to it yourself. That’s the beautiful thing about this album; its relatability makes each song hit differently for different people. “Well maybe I don’t know what I need / Maybe I’m running on empty” is a line that hits me square in the chest and pulls thoughts of my current depressive episode. This is different than what it might mean for you, it’s different than what it means for Athan, and yet it still hits all the same. WhatDoIDo is another song with a very heavy beat to it, similar to the reverberation of Chronic. It adds a level of depth to the song that makes it feel like it's dragging you down with it in the best imaginable way. Mix that with Athan’s love of voice modulation and effects that he used in this song and you create something absolutely incredible.

Song 5 - Chameleon

 “I've got about / 50 different hats that I have to wear. / One for my mom, one for my job. / One for my friends, one to survive.” Once again I have to applaud Athan for the relatability of his lyrics. The first time I heard this, I paused the song and stared off into space for a minute before restarting the song and letting it hit me again. Chameleon is a song about fitting in, about finding your place in the world and how hard it can be to be yourself. “Who am I without you around? / Maybe I can blend in somehow.” How well do we really know who we are? So much of a person is influenced by those around them; what happens when all of that goes away? What happens when it’s just you? These questions don’t have answers, but Chameleon asks them anyway and puts a fun beat to it while it rips your heart out. 

Song 6 - Distance

Distance is another song with an incredibly fun rhythm to it that punches you in the face with the lyrics. I boxed to this song recently and it’s perfect for a high energy/fast boxing session but it also has lyrics that break my heart in half. “I’ve been treading water for so long / It feels like I might just give up” – another set of lines that pulls an emotion I have felt for my whole life right out of my brain when I didn’t have the words for it. This is a song that I pick up on a little more each time I listen; different lyrics will stand out, or different ways that the instrumentals hit will pop to the forefront of my listen. One thing that I always think about is how this song feels like a race. You can feel the distance growing and growing as the race is run but you’re so far behind the song. You’re so far behind everyone else, and that’s what the song is trying to do. Athan has managed to space the chorus and verses in a way that it feels anticipatory, like you’re waiting to catch up to what is being said. “The distance it feels like it’s growing / but I will not grow”; the instrumentals perfectly make you feel that line in the pit of your chest, growing and crashing over you before simplifying during the verses as though Athan can’t keep up with the instrumentals themselves. 

Song 7 - Moon

Moon starts out with these lovely and light instrumentals and soft singing that make you feel like it’s a love song until you listen to it. In some ways it is a love song, but the root of the song itself is actually in insecurity, selfishness, and feeling that you aren’t enough for the person you care about. “I’ve been staring at the moon and it feels like / I don’t need you for forever, just for the night / I don’t care if it’s only temporary / I’d rather be happy for a moment of your time” – This section of the song is the chorus and it starts and ends the song as this beautiful mirroring that misses all of the turmoil that lies in between them. There is a point in this song where everything drops and that sense of insecurity and fear and darkness seeps all the way into the lyrics. You may not know this by looking at him, but Athan can scream just as well as any metal artist out there. And you might not expect this song that I described up top to have screaming in it, but it does and it hits so incredibly well. There are a variety of different talents that Athan shows off with this album; screaming just happens to be one. It adds to the depth and darkness of this section before it flips back into the light and lovely chorus that rounds out the song as if that drop never happened at all. It’s a beautiful song that uses its catchy chorus and light beat to lull you into a false sense of security so when everything drops it hits that much harder. 

Song 8 - DNR

This is another one of my favorite songs on Side A. It’s one of my favorite songs on the whole album. The first time I saw the title I thought to myself “DNR as in… Do not resuscitate? Or is this going to stand for something else– Nope! Do not resuscitate, cool cool cool.” This is one of the many songs that made me say “Jesus fucking christ Athan” out loud in my room while listening. And yet these darker tones to the song are part of the reason I love it so much. It’s a song about death that doesn’t feel like it’s about death. Sure, the words “Do not resuscitate me” are kind of blatantly obvious in their being about death; but the instrumentals and beat of the song itself are very fun and punchy. It starts out with these lightly strummed guitar notes that pair perfectly with Athan’s gentle singing and then it grows into something that decides it wants to hurt you in the best way. I also need to be a Classics major on main again and talk about the line “I can feel the coins of gold and silver resting on my eyes” because it’s one of those lines that just constantly sticks in my brain. Athan is ready to pay the ferryman to take him to the Underworld; it’s a nice little reference that makes me so happy I have cast him in a mythology themed podcast.

Song 9 - Break

It’s time to talk about horns! As in the instrument, not as in the thing on animals/demons/etc. You don’t expect them to show up and when they do you’re there like “Hell yeah horns!” Now you may be wondering why I am bringing this up now and all I will say for now is: it’s about the parallelism. But until we get to that part, let’s talk about the lyrics for this song because they do severe emotional damage to me. As I’ve said many times at this point, Athan is absolutely masterful at lyrics and relatability; this song is no exception. This whole album has a tone of parallelism from Side A to Side B, but this song in particular also parallels itself nicely. The first verse serves as a groundwork for the second verse to flip in answering. “Well I think you may have had it right / I’m tired of living in this life” versus “Well I think I may have had it wrong / Maybe I’m right where I belong”; “Mentally, I don’t think I can feel anything” versus “And yet I feel everything”. The way Athan’s lyrics speak to each other always ends up squeezing my heart in ways that are hard to put into words. Which might seem surprising given how long this is. The emotionality of it all feels so real because it is real. Athan has said time and time again that this is a very personal project for him and it bleeds into every second of the music in the best way imaginable. 

Song 10 - Persephone

We’ve reached what might be my favorite song on the album. It’s definitely my favorite song on Side A. This song is slow and soft and dark and beautiful; it is the musical equivalent of the John Everett Millais painting Ophelia. “Lay me down in the flower bed / Let it pull me undertow / I feel the darkness close around me / But I kinda like it though”. Something I haven’t talked about much yet is Athan’s vocals. Not only is he writing absolutely stunning lyrics and putting together these songs with a wide variety of different feels to them, he’s also an incredible vocalist. His vocals on Persephone are part of the reason I love this so much; there’s a point where his voice breaks just the slightest bit and it makes the song feel so much more real and poignant. It squeezes my heart in the best imaginable way. This song also includes a medley of all of the songs on side A which is absolutely stunning. The way the medley allows the different songs to speak to each other and in response to each other creates this beautiful picture of everything that came so far. 

Song 11 -  Diáleimma

We’ve officially reached the end of Side A! This song is the shortest on the album and also one of the most beautiful in my opinion. It represents the transition point between the two sides of this story; from pain and loss and regret into growth and love and recovery. The through line of the song is this idea that “I gotta be a better me”. The song itself is slow, almost reflective in the way it’s presented; it’s as if the song itself is thinking about how it is being perceived and is striving to be better. Diáleimma closes this chapter of the story, turning the page for us as it does so. 

Before we move on to Side B, we’re going to take a brief moment to talk about the album art for Limbo. It was painted by NataliesDreaming, who also happens to be Athan’s wife. Natalie is an incredibly talented artist and has produced an absolutely gorgeous cover for the album. The colors used feel like an extension of the songs themselves, tapping into the hope that grows throughout the album. Natalie’s work also allows you to feel the movement of falling; everything about it is absolutely stunning. This has been the brief intermission to talk about the album art and also to say that Natalie is super cool. Back to the album!

Song 12 - AmIDoingThisRight

Athan opens the second half of the album on an unanswerable question: AmIDoingThisRight? As we discussed previously, this is an album in parallels. If Limbo is about being stuck, AmIDoingThisRight is about trying to get yourself unstuck and the fear that still comes with that. You never know in life if you are doing things right, if the decisions you are making are the ones that you need to make. The bridge of this song lives rent free in my mind: “Cause I don’t think I appreciate everyone in front of me now / And I don’t think I recognize everything that’s detrimental to my health”. The voice modulation Athan does on that part specifically is so fucking good. 

Song 13 - Pocket

Pocket is one of my favorite songs on Side B (You’ll be seeing this phrase a lot coming up because I love so many songs). It’s a song about addiction and relapse which punches into that idea of relatability again. As someone who has struggled with self harm (albeit in a different way than Athan has) this song reached into my heart and pulled me back to my relapse, but in a way that felt healing rather than concerning. It’s a sad song that disguises itself as a soft song but it’s so beautifully done. The chorus makes me feel every emotion under the sun: “I feel so low / I swore that I’d let it go / It’s not a broken promise / I don’t know, I found it in my pocket babe”. This song feels so close to my heart in ways I cannot explain so I won’t try to. I will simply tell you that this song is beautiful and heart-squeezing.

Song 14 - (Good) Goodbye

Athan shared the context of this song and it punched me in the face. This song parallels The Valley and takes that song about family to a more heartbreaking level. One of my favorite lines from this song is “I’m so scared that my last memories / Will be made from my bad days”. Again, it’s about the relatability; that fear is very real, especially when dealing with family while depressed. The pain from Side A still stays in Side B, it just gets grown around and expanded upon to let the hope into it. (Good) Goodbye works very well with this idea; it’s a song that hurts but also leaves room to heal.

Song 15 - Feel It In My Chest

Another one of my favorite songs on Side B! It is the first song on the album to make me cry; if you know me, you know that that is surprising since I cry at most things. “But your soul is destructive / And you’re gonna end up alone” did lasting damage to me personally and I did cry about it. Despite that, this song is hopeful and full of love. It parallels WhatDoIDo and the answer to that question appears to be: you love anyway. “Feel it in my heart / Feel you in my soul / Held you in my hands / The greatest thing to hold”. The first half of the album feels like someone struggling on their own whereas Side B feels like someone learning how to open up and ask for help. Feel It In My Chest feels like opening up despite the fear of it all; the fear of ending up alone doesn’t outweigh the love that can be found with someone. 

Song 16 - Concealer

Concealer is one of my favorite songs on the album. It also punches me in the chest in ways that make me cry. This song parallels Chameleon and both songs are about the masks that people put on. Where Chameleon asks how to be someone without the influence of another person, Concealer asks how much of yourself do you need to hide to get help. “I’m struggling / Under the weight / Well I don’t know how much more I can take. / Could fade into the ether / Or maybe I’ll wear concealer now”. The way Athan sings “I don’t know how much more I can take” haunts me in the best way possible. It’s raw and real and it hurts so incredibly. The instrumentals on this are light and soft so the weight of the lyrics can fully sink into your bones. It’s a beautiful song that makes room around the pain to facilitate growth.

Song 17 - Growing Pains

Growing Pains has sections of whispering which honestly make me uncomfortable but in a good way. It’s partially the misophonia of it all, but it’s also just the pain of it all. It is, as it says, growing pains. It’s the growth that Concealer made room for, the space needed to heal and become more. “Why the fuck am I comparing / All the lights in the distance to yours? / You’re all I need” – Remember how I mentioned the idea of Side B being about learning how to ask for help? This song helps to dig into that idea; it’s a form of growing. The instrumentals of this song are light and airy and a little spacey; I’m fully obsessed with them. 

Song 18 - Inside

The parallelism between Moon and Inside is some of my favorites. Moon is a sad song disguised as a love song; Inside is a love song disguised as a sad song. “Well maybe it’s supposed to hurt / This love it feels like work / But fuck it I know; it’s worth it to grow / Into the dirt”. This song is enhanced by the fact that Natalie (the aforementioned artist and also Athan’s wife) is also featured on the track. Athan has said that this is the first duet they’ve recorded together and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Their voices compliment each other so nicely and Natalie has a lovely singing voice. You can feel the love that they have for each other in the song, even in the sadder lyrics of it all. This brings me back to the parallelism: Moon is about something temporary, something that is thought not to last. Inside is about someone who has stayed, someone who will stay and will help and will always be there. It brings the hope back into this story because it proves that people stay. That help can be given. 

Song 19 - Motionsick

This song has a lot of religious symbolism that I fully missed until Athan mentioned that it had religious symbolism. And once I had that context, all of the plays on words and phrases were just. So incredibly well done. “Why don’t I know you / Why don’t I know you anymore? / Why, why, try? / I fight this devotion Feels like I’m motion sick” – You might look at that and go “Pine, that’s pretty obvious isn’t it?” To which I say yes, it is, I just missed it because me and religion haven’t exactly gotten on very well. This also has a parallel I love with it’s Side A counterpart DNR: “I’m throwing punches / Battle what’s inside of me” in DNR which becomes “I’m boxing with my shadow but I keep on landing punches / It seems I like to bruise” and this does things to my brain that I cannot stop feeling. 

Song 20 - Bend

And we have reached the other contender for my favorite song on the album! This is my favorite song on Side B for sure, but I cannot figure out if Bend or Persephone is my favorite. Bend is such a hopeful song; it’s bright and beautiful and we’re back to the horns! Athan played the horns for Bend and they are always always in my mind. He didn’t play the horns on Break (this song’s counterpart) but that’s okay because he has played the brighter version of the horns and I’m obsessed with them. This song rounds out that idea of learning to ask for help even when– or perhaps especially when– it’s difficult. “Opening up doesn’t come easy for me / For me now / But I gotta learn how / Cause I don’t think I can help myself up tonight” – a line that perfectly encapsulates that idea. Part of the reason this song ends up feeling as bright and hopeful as it does is because it tells you that when you ask for help it will be given– “Oh, I know that it might have been a bad fall / But you’ll be there to catch me at the bottom after all”. This song has only been in my life for a week but it has made a home in my heart that it is never going to leave. It means so much to me already and it’s absolutely gorgeous. 

Song 21 - ESC

ESC has a very space-y vibe that feels like it is built for escape. The entire song feels like it is floating and then the lyrics pull you back down to earth again. It’s one of the shorter songs on the album, but it has a gentle beauty to it that leaves it lingering in my mind. “And I’ll fall / Down in insecurities/ I; I’m buried in shit surrounding me” is another one of those lines that really does things to me as someone who has been depressed for most of my life. That’s one of the most beautiful things about Athan’s music: short, beautiful lines that can make anyone feel connected to them.

Song 22 - Telos

And we return to the line introduced at the end of Side A: “I gotta be a better me”. Where in Diáleimma it feels like a judgement, like an impossible command, in Telos it feels like it’s something that is just around the corner, almost within grasp. Telos is bright and full of life as opposed to the darkness of Diáleimma. They compliment each other so well– as was Athan’s design. It also includes another medley of things from the entire album and it’s incredibly fun. It’s the perfect way to round out the main portion of the album– it closes the story and feels like a celebration of the whole album. And it’s an album very much worth celebrating.

Song 23 - Chronic (Piano Version)

You get a brief reprieve from my ridiculous amount of words since this one is a piano cover. It’s a very beautiful version of the song though.

Song 24 - Intertwined (Acoustic) 

This is an acoustic version of one of Athan’s older songs. It has beautiful instrumentals and lyrics that feel like they grew into some of the songs that are on the album as a whole. Athan didn’t put the lyrics on Bandcamp so I can’t pull examples for you but trust me they’re good.

Song 25 - Chronic (House Version)

There’s not much that I can say about this version that I hadn’t said about Chronic originally. But it is a fun additional version!

Song 26 - Hallelujah (feat. The Grotto)

This is one of my favorite versions of Hallelujah that I have ever heard in my life. The style is different from the other songs on the album, but fits perfectly into the music that Athan did for his podcast The Grotto. The Grotto is a liminal horror podcast about grief and it is absolutely incredible. The reason that this song is listed as ‘feat. The Grotto’ is partially because it’s Athan using that style of music but also because he included some of his screams from The Grotto in it. Don’t look too closely at why he was screaming. It’s not important. But this version of the song– because of the style that it’s done in– feels so unique and has a depth to it that can only be achieved in this medium. Athan had originally released it for The Grotto patreon and I listened to it after a bit of an emotional breakdown. It is as close to a religious experience as I am capable of experiencing. Hallelujah is the only cover Athan has on Limbo– he does more covers for The Grotto which are also excellent. Of all of the covers that he could’ve included, this one feels like the perfect fit. It mixes with the content of the songs Athan has written so well and showcases another style that he is able to pull off.

Song 27 - Bend (Acoustic)

Athan called it the acoustic version but I think of it as the silly version. There is a levity to the song that is palpable– it feels like a test run of the song but in the best way possible. It also gives a bit of insight into what the process of creation was like for Athan. In the original version of Bend, there is the line “I don’t think I will reach thirty if I’m lucky now”; the acoustic version follows up with Athan laughing at the fact that he’s much closer to 30 than he was when he wrote that. “I’m so glad to be alive”, a small little bit of this version but such a big change from the original words that were written. If you couldn’t tell by the amount of words I’ve put into this, I’m also glad Athan is alive. He’s written absolutely incredible music that he has shared with the world despite (or perhaps because of) the intense emotional weight of the content. 

Limbo is an album that longs. It grieves. But it also hopes. It hopes so much and shows that healing and recovery are possible. Athan spent three years working on Limbo and now it’s here; it exists in the world to be listened to and shared and written about and loved. This album has so much heart to it. The lyrics are beautiful, the instrumentals brilliantly crafted, and the vocals are stunning. It is an album that deserves to be spoken about in depth. It’s an album that deserves your time and attention. As far as debut albums go, this album showcases so much of what Athan can do while still leaving room for growth and new ways for him to surprise and delight anyone who is listening to his music. It also punches directly into the heart in the most amazing way, letting you know exactly what he can do with music moving forward. I feel very fortunate to be able to listen to this album and to know that I will be following along with whatever else Athan will be doing next. I’m also fortunate enough to get to collaborate with Athan on projects– he’ll be in my next podcast and I will also be paying him to do music for the show. Getting to work with someone so talented is a wild feeling, but I’m so excited for it. 

Thank you for joining me on this very long, very in depth review of Limbo. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and I hope you enjoy the album!

[ofliterarynature]

AUGUST 2023 WRAP UP

[ loved liked okay no thanks DNF (reread) bookclub*]

Witch Week | A Perilous Undertaking | 2 AM At the Cat's Pajamas | The Last Sun | The Lives of Christopher Chant | The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo* | (The Angel of the Crows) | The Enchanted April | The Art of Prophecy | A Curious Beginning | Q's Legacy | The Grimoire of Grave Fates | Charmed Life | Ocean's Echo | (Band Sinister) | (Unfit to Print) | Camp Damascus | Wanted, A Gentleman | Translation State | The Mistress of Bhatia House

I’m late I’m late I’m late! Oops

It’s only a month late, right? ‘Only’ lol, work has been exhausting! Anyways:

At this point I wonder if Ann Leckie can ever do wrong, Translation State was good! I was completely enthralled, which is all I ask, even if I don’t get as passionate about it as the main trilogy.

I continued the KJ Charles reading, with these supposed stand alones that are also kind of related? Honestly it’s no less of a stretch than Society of Gentlemen to Lilywhite Boys, so I don’t know why she can’t officially list them together. Anyways, mostly fine, and Band Sinister is still a delight!

Camp Damascus…I’m thrilled for Chuck, really, and I think he’s a delight to follow, but this one wasn’t for me. Religious trauma is turning out to be a hard no.

Ocean’s Echo was good! In some ways I definitely thought it was better than Winter’s Orbit - miscommunication is the worst I’m sorry, this story was more consistently engaging! I just like the characters from WO a bit more.

Chrestomanci! I’ve been going by the suggested reading order on Goodreads, and while I wasn’t particularly enthused by Charmed Life, once I had a grasp on the world the other books have been fun! Im very sad this might be my last DWJ, as I seem to have exhausted my library’s collection of her audiobooks :(

Grimoire of Grave Fates had a really interesting premise that lured me in, despite my reservations - an anthology where all the stories work together to solve the mystery of a murder at a magic boarding school? I thought it worked fairly well (and could definitely spin itself out into a series of novels), but just ok for me. Maybe one day I’ll finally concede I can’t read YA or boarding school books anymore.

Q’s Legacy was the last (I think) of the 84 Charing Cross Road books, and honestly the worst. It had its interesting moments, but it lacked the cohesion of the other two, speed,-running the before and during of those stories, to then spend the second half on the adaptations. It was not at all what the descriptions led me to expect. Maybe worth a single read but not a revisit.

I will also be honest, I didn’t really like the first Veronica Speedwell! The plot felt a bit contrived, and Veronica was so blunt as to almost read as rude or mean. Also very unexpectedly…clinically horny? Does that make sense? I’m not quite sure what prompted me to continue, but I’m now several books in and enjoying it! To be blunt myself, the historic setting is just set dressing, the plots can feel contrived, the mysteries are mediocre, but the real draw is the Veronica and Stoker show once they get themselves settled in and comfortable with each other. It’s a hoot.

I’d heard good things about The Art of Prophecy, but I still didn’t know quite what to expect going in. It was wonderful. Maybe a little long, but if you’re looking for a fantastic fantasy with lots of fight sequences, no romance, and some fascinating characters, this is a great read. The sequel comes out soon and I can only hope it doesn’t take as long for my library to get the audiobook as it did for this one.

I don’t know where I first found An Enchanted April, but it’s been on my TBR for a little bit, and I thought it would be the perfect fit for my classics challenge I gave myself this year! It wasn’t what I expected at all - it’s entirely character driven and very focused on their flaws, and the entire first half I thought I was going to hate it. But the second half, there’s a twist, almost, born of some very  naïve optimism that nonetheless works out. Very improbably, but I was happy for them, you funky little weirdos. 

What can I say about The Angel of the Crows except that it is still very good! It’s maybe lost a little of the shine it held when I got obsessed with it for a few months last year, but it is definitely now one of my comfort books. I really ought to read more canon Holmes though lol.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo was, to be fair, one of my suggestions for book club. It was OK, but there were definitely parts that really did not work for me, the frame narrative in particular. The other members of the club really liked it but I don’t have any plans to read more of the authors work.

I’m almost tempted to put The Last Sun last just so I can yell more. I’d heard such good things about this series, but turns out my expectations were a bit skewed - it is not historical or secondary fantasy world, oops. So we got off to a bit of a rough start, not to mention all of the Capital Words. Not usually a good sign. And while I still wouldn’t say I love the worldbuilding necessarily, or that these are the next great work of fantasy, the action is really great, and the characters are flipping fantastic. You’ve got a pair of 30 year olds who are bad ass fighters, have a traumatic past, are immature assholes, can be so so kind, and accidentally adopt a posse of troubled teenagers? Sign me up, I love them, this reminds me so much of my days reading tons of Teen Wolf fanfic AUs.

My history with 2 AM At the Cat's Pajamas is that they cannot stop recommending this thing on the Book Riot podcasts. When I found a copy at Goodwill, I thought surely it’s meant to be! Well. It was not bad, but it was not great. I don’t know. It just wasn’t for me and I will not be keeping my copy. I probably should have DNF’d it, but I continued in hope.

Only one actual DNF this month though, The Mistress of Bhatia House - the newest Perveen Mistri book. I was actually fairly excited for it despite my reservations about the earlier books, but I hit a mental roadblock with this one. There was some contrived feeling tension with her sister-in-law, but really, I realized that one of my main problems with this series is that, despite being in a very precarious social position, Perveen is just incredibly reckless - usually in the name of doing good! - but it just hit all the wrong nerves at the moment. I’m hoping there will be a better time to read this, but not right now. 

[redsixwing]

worst blorboficiation in dark souls, if there even is any

OH THERE IS.

Nonny, I hope you wanted an essay. I chose violence in long form.

With the caveat that I've played 1 and 2, not 3: the worst blorbofication award is a tie. I'd put it between Solaire and Reah of Thorolund. She's less well known, so let's look there first.

It's understandable: Reah is a genuinely tragic figure. The fair maiden in a bad, bad place, left all alone by her companions and in need of your help to get free!

I've seen one too many fandom portrayals stop right there and never consider what she's doing, why she's doing it, or the part where she is the leader and motivator of that little expedition into the Catacombs.

She wants the Rite of Kindling, the secret behind feeding humanity into the bonfires to strengthen them. She does not get.

She does retain humanity, possibly by stealing it from her companions to save herself. Her order, the Way of White, seems to have a pattern of preying on its own in attempt to reach that secret rite.

(As, in fact, one of her own might prey on Reah herself once you free her.)

I like her piety. I think she's a fun character, even.

But I can't read her as an innocent little lamb to the slaughter. That there is a competent ranking cleric - if she rarely deigns to dirty her hands in combat, it isn't because she's harmless.

And that leads us to Solaire.

Once again, the blorbofication makes some sense. He really IS a ray of sunshine, first and last in an unrelenting grey place. Every time you summon him, he uses his signature arms-up salute before hustling off to knock heads, and his skill really is remarkable. (Not just informed by his gear description- he's legitimately a tough summon.)

He's a great soul in every sense of that phrase. Led to the Flame, he will succeed at his quest. And pray he makes a gentler sun than the last!

But he is not particularly sane, our beloved Solaire. He wants nothing, nothing, more than to find his very own sun. At the very first meeting, he wants to stay behind and gaze at the sun - the sun that's invisible behind clouds, and thus maybe not burning his eyes.

Maybe.

I got his bad ending on my first playthrough, much to my dismay, but it informed how I read him.

He's got a horrible glowing parasite glommed onto his head. He proclaims himself to be his own sun and attacks everyone who might get close enough to take it from him.

Including you, his friend, who might even have feelings for him.

But I really don't think it's a sudden turn. The sunlight bug made it so much worse, yes - but he is, from the beginning, just seeking the proper fire to throw himself into.

That gets lost a lot with sweet, sweet cinnamon roll Solaire.

I am genuinely tempted to write fic about it, but it's gotta wait for me to finish something else. :)

[1ore]

Hi, I've been following you since Ye Olde Esk Days and you've always been a huge inspiration for me as a fellow gender-questioning neurodivergent lesbian both in art and science.

I've been wanting to reach out because I'm considering enrolling in Enviroinmental Sciences (or something in that ballpark) in 1 or 2 years and wanted to ask how your experience studying it has been to you as a person with an artistic bakground? I am afraid my ADHD might get in the way of maths, and that I might not be "smart" enough to pursue a degree in STEM, despite the fact I've always been interested in scientific subjects and in the conservation efforts around the area (and the river) I grew up in. so, yeah, I don't really know what else to say xmx I hope this message wasn't too much, and thank you for taking the time to read it. Your art and its message has always meant a lot to me! (also, happy Pride month!)

ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

So, funny enough, math anxiety is part of what what led me to Environmental Science in the first place. My degree is a Bachelor of Arts in Environmental Science, not a Bachelor of Science, because IIIIIII didn’t want to take more semesters of calculus and organic chemistry than I had to 🤪 I struggled with math in highschool, and by the time I went back to school, it had been more than 5 years since I last took a math class. I was also more interested in the interdisciplinary parts of Environmental Science, so a BA let me put more credit hours towards classes in policy, law, social science, humanities, etc.

As far as I know, having a BA hasn’t held me back. I’ve been accepted into internships and other programs doing “real science” just fine. Maybe this won’t always be true, but I’ve figured out that I like teaching and engaging people in science more than I like being in academia, so that works out fine for me.

As for my experience with ADHD and math/science courses, I have euuuauuuehhh a lot of thoughts. This gets dense, sorry.

First, my ADHD came with a side of anxiety, which manifested as a compulsion to do well academically regardless of how much my mental health suffered. Doing busy work felt like hell on earth for reasons that were then mysterious to me, but disappointing my teachers felt Worse. So I became really good at, like, academic minmaxing, not so much learning or taking care of myself. It’s hard to articulate. I want to say I was muddling through these classes as a professional test-taker and not a student, and also not applying myself fully. But at the same time, I felt like I was well beyond my breaking point? This made more sense to me later when I got the diagnosis LOL. my capacity for doing the things I’m supposed to do, the way I’m supposed to do them, is lower than other peoples’. So either I do what I’m not supposed to do, or I do it “the wrong way.” <- meaningless.

I say all that because coursework is a poor metric of how “good” you are at science or math, or whether you'll enjoy doing them outside of the classroom. We know this LOL but I want to reiterate it. I learned how to get really good grades without learning how to reason my way through why xyz methodology is justified, or how to ask questions and be curious about what’s happening around me. It’s corny but it’s true. on one hand I still struggle with these, because I’m still working under the assumption that whatever’s going on in my head is the “wrong” way to do it. But ADHD does a lot of heavy lifting for us with lateral thinking and being able to make connections that other people can’t always see. If you want to do Science ™ (as in academic research,) this is an awesome tool to have in your toolkit.

There’s also a whole world of environmental work outside of academia that demands its own skillset, which coursework may or may not teach. Like, if you want to do hands-on restoration work or interpretive work or field technician stuff, this is less “can you spit out the balanced equation for photosynthesis on command” and more “can you operate a woodchipper” or “are you comfortable with public speaking and customer service.“ This is another part of what attracted me to envirosci--how wide-ranging the job market is. The backdrop of science is the same, but your day-to-day responsibilities can look wildly different.

Also, if it’s any encouragement, being an arts person has been a huge plus in my experience. My most recent employer told me outright that the artsy scicomm stuff in my resume is what made them think “oh, we need her.” Art and science are wives LOL a lot of the skills you hone as an artist are invaluable in science, especially if you’re doing any kind of communication work. (<- has seen some poorly-written papers and incomprehensible figures in her time)

Going along with that, back when I was yea high and wanted to do art professionally, I remember people telling me that you only go to art school for the professional connections. A lot of STEM careers are locked behind having a specialized degree, but I think this advice is still applicable here. Being a “good student” hasn’t helped me as much as abandoning my anxiety and sending cold emails, showing up at peoples’ guest lectures and office hours, participating fully and sincerely, etc. The stuff I did outside the classroom was more meaningful to me, in the end. (That said, I was lucky to have several classes that were more skills/training-oriented for things like GIS, field botany, conducting environmental assessments for NEPA, etc. You can swing projects for classes like these as opportunities to build skills or create portfolio pieces.)

OK. I thiiiink that’s everything I have for you? I hope that answers your question. If not, I can give it another shot. I'll also leave you with this answer from beloved mutual Heedra re: what Environmental Science as a major is like. I can't believe it's 6 years old because it's part of what put Environmental Science on my radar in the first place LOL

[anawkwardlady]

Dadbastian week day 2 : Identity

(poem referenced is The Wolf and the Lamb by Jean de La Fontaine)

The reason of those best able to have their way is always the best: We now show how this is true A lamb was quenching its thirst In the water of a pure stream. A fasting wolf came by, looking for something; He was attracted by hunger to this place.

Humans are grasshoppers. Children are worth even less. After all, they're just beginning to gain a sense of value to humans themselves since it's so easy to make them, to lose them, to make some more. They’re nothing but an unshaped clay of potential for creatures like him. Shaped by knives, intentions and expectations, probable pain— until maybe one day, one or two walks outside, reeking of blood and rage, right into his mouth. And it's been this way since the dawn of time, time he killed for centuries to fill the gaping hole where a soul should be, which he filled with many others. 

When that unshaped clay signed his soul away, the demon signed away his freedom for a mere potential. No choice was left for any of them. He was to take on the role of hands and knives but did not think through it very much. He was himself unshaped clay of somesort, walking within the human skin of a protective adult. The demon looks down on the tiny thing that called him over. 

—What makes you so bold as to meddle with my drinking? Said this animal, very angry. You will be punished for your boldness

The now Butler looks at his wet gloved hands. They burn. Pain of the flesh is inconsequential, he could get a new one some time soon, it's a foreign feeling, while obviously unpleasant. Like maybe cutting a finger up while dreaming away. Pain of the ego however rings through his entire body. The unshaped clay now Master is behaving like a newborn pulling a cat’s tail over and over again. It soon enough will become a bit of an endearing trait of his, probably. When it’ll stop triggering his desire to maim. He looks up at this weak master who slowly gains a shape. 

—Sir, answered the lamb, let Your Majesty Not put himself into a rage; But rather, let him consider That I am taking a drink of water In the stream More than twenty steps below him; And that, consequently, in no way, Am I troubling his supply.

Blood is on the grass and more will pour. Body filled with adrenaline as it rips more intruders, more targets. Nothing is known of them, and the demon wouldn’t care to learn such things as family, names or any pleadings, any excuses. Death doesn’t come out of anger nor is it personal. He is ordered to execute and execute he does. Soon enough he only knows executing, can only smell blood and starts to drown inside his limiting cage. 

Everything morphs into each other, flesh is wounds is meat is guts is human. Like all the times he reached this state before, he gains the knowledge that better sleeps soundly inside. Wonders if it will finally be the time to toss aside those learned quirks of patience and care, of loyalty and dignity to give in to hunger. He used to quietly slip back inside, soiled with death, towards the master’s bedroom he entered without a sound just to stare at the little figure. The boy doesn’t move, probably won’t hear. He spent too many sleepless nights before, thus sometimes got a little help in his milk before laying down, to avoid complete exhaustion. Works wonders. Humans develop new tricks everyday to avoid children's screams. 

—You do trouble it, answered the cruel beast. And I know you said bad things of me last year. —How could I do that when I wasn’t born, Answered the lamb; I am still at my mother’s breast. —If it wasn’t you, then it was your brother. —I haven’t a brother.—It was then someone close to you;

The child is the weakest of its kind. His prey smells like death and yet it only brings questions. The demon should eat to appease hunger but cannot, because he chose to be Sebastian. Sebastian is a placeholder for a child’s needs but even that part doesn’t reason. After all, even a mother cat eats her sickest kitten. And it seems like deep down even the master knows the wrong kitten was dragged to hell. In the end, Sebastian showed up and ate what was on the plate. Nothing more nothing less. Everything in nature should take this life away. Nothing did. Humans tame themselves for preservation sake. Something valuable to learn about them. Tame yourself and wait. 

For you have no sympathy for me, You, your shepherds and your dogs. I have been told of this. I have to make things even.

Tame yourself and wait. 

As the demon thinks of his hunger, the butler starts to mechanically check a mental list of tomorrow’s imperatives. His stomach tores apart. He wonders if the bread could make a good Pain Perdu for tea time. Blood sticks to his skin. The young master will be wearing his blue coat, because the air starts to get cold. 

He gently puts his tainted red gloves away, rearranges Ciel’s pillow and covers before disappearing like he came. Cleans the mess outside.

Tame yourself and wait. 

Saying this, into the woods The wolf carries the lamb, and then eats him Without any other why or wherefore.

Thankfully he was always more bored than he was hungry.