#its no one elses business god bless

[michaelmilkers]

i'm regularly astounded by the cognitive dissonance some of yall have to accept that gender is a social construct with infinite possibilities with the capacity to be deeply personal and individual but still think there's a list of like 4 acceptable sexual orientations and if you go outside of that list or mix entries on that list or relate to them in a non-traditional way not only are you Breaking The Rules you're personally directly harming people who follow them

[dirt-str1der]

Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu

[lure-of-writing]

His little sister: Did you plan on telling?

Summary: Azriel learns of your sparring incident with Cassian and this is his point of view of the day in question.

Word count: 2.8k

Warning: probably some misspelled words

Note: Ya'll I love this back and forth between Az's and readers pov. What do you think? But things are starting to get more intense 😬😧

Ever since the night Azriel had returned with you from the summer court he was for the lack of better wording intentionally been avoiding you. It's not like he wanted to ignore you, gods no. If anything he wanted to be near you as much as possible. Rhysand never explicitly told him to stay away from you but with the intensity level of your antics increasing and the protectiveness level of your brother also increasing Azriel decided it would be the best idea so steer clear of you for at least a little while. Even though the two of you live in the same house with Nesta and Cassian he made it a point to be out of the house before you woke up and only return once he was sure you would be fast asleep. 

Avoiding you wasn’t as hard of a task as one would think it would be since you tended to just roam around the house looking for something to pique your interest until you inevitably got bored and repeated the process. Not only did your free roaming habits help Azriel avoid you but he was still the spymaster of the night court and had his own duties and responsibilities to tend to. He had been gone for a week when he returned in the hours of the early morning. The sun still hadn’t begun to peak its ways over the horizon when his feet touched down on the roof. As wired as Azriel still felt from his flight back home, his body was tired. He decided to get some rest for a few hours before flying down to the river house to relay the information he obtained to Rhysand. 

When he woke, the sun had finally started to bless the city of Velaris with its light and warmth. Reluctantly he began to get ready for what he was sure to be a very long day. He knew that today Cassian and himself were supposed to demonstrate fighting techniques for Nesta and the other girls but Cassian would have to figure something else out. Never did he think Cassian's new plan of action would be leaving an imprint of his fist on your face otherwise he would have shown up. 

Azriel waited for his shadows to report back to him that you had made your way up and onto the roof to begin stretching with Nesta before he also made his way up to the roof so he could fly down to meet Rhysand. The goal was just to not get caught, which shouldn’t be too hard considering that he was a shadowsinger and very good at leaving places without being noticed. Just as he arrived at the top stairs leading to the unofficial training area that was the roof of the house of wind Cassian was talking about the importance of different fighting techniques. 

Azirel knew that he should leave before you caught sight of him and then marched your away over to him demanding to know why he was ignoring you, ensuring that you made a big scene before all the Valkyries in training. He was sure that wouldn’t end well for him. The only answer that he could possibly give you is “Sorry, I’ve been busy.”  which if he was being completely truthful was one hundred percent bullshit considering the fact that he's never been too busy for anything involving you. There have been times where he has been sleep deprived and littered with cuts and bruises and covered and blood and gods knows what and he still made time for you. He was sure that you were his fatal flaw. 

His daydream was abruptly ended at the sound of your laughter. He didn’t need his superior hearing to know that you were teasing his brother. He could tell just from your body language. The tilted head, bouncy shoulders, wide smile and loose body posture that told him that you were poking fun at the general. Azriel swore he could read you better then he could read any book. He watched for just a moment longer as the two of you got into the fighting stance and began to circle each other while throwing out a few fake jabs to get ready for the real deal. As much as he wanted to stay and see you kick Cassian's ass and put him into place he also really needed to speak with Rhys so with one last look he shot off into the sky and towards his high lord and lady. 

Azriel had just sat down in one of the overly large and plush chairs that decorated Rhysands office while beginning to retell the events of his latest quote unquote “adventure” as you would call it when Rhysands eyes clouded over. Someone was speaking to him mind to mind. If he had to guess, it would probably be his wife. Gods knows he did not want to know what they were talking about. A beat of silence filled the room before Rhys spoke. “It’s Cass. He wants me to go to the house.” The high lord rolls his eyes before going completely still. “What is it?” There hasn’t been many times in Azriels long history of knowing Rhysand where he got that look of dread on his face to say it was concerning was an understatement. 

“It y/n” Those were all he needed to hear before both males were up on their feet in a split second and racing to the front door to launch themselves in the sky. If rhysand ever asked why he was so quick to react he would say it was because you were his friend and rhys little sister and most importantly family. And family shows up for family. Luckily Rhysand was too preoccupied with getting out of the house to notice the sheer look of concern mixed with panic on his friend's face. 

There has been many times when Azriel had been faced with things that should have made his heart race and it didn’t. There were also times when he had faced things and it did make his heart race, but nothing could make his heart racing like knowing something had happened to you but not knowing what. It truly made his stomach churn and he felt like he just might throw up. And as the spymaster he has seen and done things that would make any normal fae sick to their stomach, but not once did he ever feel that way. His love for you was so overwhelming that even not knowing if you were ok could almost bring him to his knees. 

The less than five minute flight to the house of wind had never felt as long as it did in that moment. He could hear the beating of both rhysand and his wings and they propelled them to Cassian's waiting figure. As soon as both males were close enough they could see Cassian pacing back and forth and Nesta cradling your head while you laid on the ground. If Azriels heart wasn’t racing before then it sure was now. Once both him and Rhys had landed it knew Rhysand was questioning Cassian as to why his baby sister was laying on the ground looking as dazed as ever. But he couldn’t find it in himself to tear his eyes away from your body. A few moments passed before Rhysand was moving towards you and both he and Cassian followed. Finally he was able to pull his eyes away from where you laid to look at his other brother with an eyebrow raised in a silent way of asking what happened. Cassian's pained shake of his head and lack of verbal or physical response was definitely starting to concern him. 

As soon as Nesta removed her hand Azriel knew why Cassian didn’t answer him. The reason you were laid out flat on the ground not responding was because of Cassian. The rational part of Azriel knew his brother never meant to do his to you. He would never hurt any female let alone the one he considered a little sister who he helped raise. But the irrational part of him, the part of him that was your mate, wanted to beat Cassian to a pulp for ever thinking it was a good idea to use you for his demonstration. His eyes never left your quickly darkening bruise that was starting to blossom across your face while his mind ran through all the ways he would like to repay the favor to his brother. It took a few deep breaths for him to decide that duking it out with Cassian would look suspicious to not only Rhys but to literally everyone there so instead he focused on controlling his mind numbing anger he felt not only towards his brother but the situation he put you in. Plus somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that Cassian would have to deal with Rhysand and that wouldn't be pretty either. 

After pushing his very primal anger to the side he began to as gently as he possibly could, pull you into his arm. Azriel, just like Rhysand, has been on the other side of a punch Cassian can throw and just how much damage it can inflict. Whether or not he was trying to. Azriel could see the start of just how much damage you had been dealt with the fresh red, purple and dots of red where the force of the impact had popped the blood vessels in your face. The condition of your face was enough to warrant a visit to the inner circles healer. Hell getting punched by either one of the three males was reason enough to pay a visit to Madja. Once he had explained to Nesta just where he was taking you he was gentle when launching into the sky. Not wanting to cause you more pain then you were already experiencing. 

The flight to Madja’s clinic was a short enough one but every few seconds he couldn't help but look down at your face and evaluate the mark left on your face. It made him want to cry. He would never forgive himself for not showing up to training this morning. Even though you may not know that he was your mate. He did. And the day he found out, the moment he found out that he was your mate he swore that he would never let anything bad happen to you. Even if that meant sacrificing his life for yours. For you he would do anything without question. If you asked him to burn down the world he would and at the end he would deliver you the ashes pressed into a diamond just to make you happy. So knowing that his choice to skip training his morning was the direct result of the concussion rattling around your head and the very badly picked colors of the autumn court decorating your cheek made him disgusted with himself. 

The bell above the door of the healers clinic jingled as the Illyrian made his way inside. Usually the old fae was tucked away in some room helping with another patient but this time she was sat at the counter working with an apprentice when he entered. “Y/n?” The calm voice was coated in concern. She made her way over to where he stood in the middle of the room giving you a quick once over before beckoning for him to follow her into a room. As soon as he set you on the bed Madja was looking you over for any other injuries. “What happened to her?” As the inner circles healer Madja was used to fixing up the three males even sometimes Morrigan and occasionally Feyre but never had you become a patient of hers. “She was sparring with Cassian.” The shadowsinger didn’t need to say anything else for the fae understood exactly what that meant. 

Madja was in the middle of giving Azriel different tonics and potions that would help with the injury you had sustained when Rhysand walked through the doors. “Where is she?” the high lord cut a sharp look to his brother. “She's in the room resting. The apprentice is watching over her.” Azriel watched as Rhysands eyes moved from him to the healer. “And is she ok?” Madja gave a slight nod “She will definitely have a gnarly bruise for some time and a concussion but she will live. You should be thankful that Cassian didn’t put more power behind that hit otherwise we might not be having this conversation.” Madja picked up one of the tonic bottles and gave it a little shake. “But as I was saying before you came storming in here.” After all these years Azriel knew Madja was used to the theatrics of the inner circle and that's why she paid the high lord no mind when he barged in. For her it was just another normal day. 

Azriel stayed while Madja explained what each medicine did, how much to give and how often to give it. Just in case Rhys wasn’t able to do it. Not like that would happen but just in case. He stayed in the front of the clinic while Rhysand went to collect his sister. Eventually the three of you emerged into the streets of Velaris. One was holding your body and one was holding a bag of vials. He was the latter. Azriel hated the thought of Rhysand walking through the streets of Velaris with you in your current state but he also knew that winnowing would not be a good idea. So both males began the walk to Feyre and Rhysand’s house. Not a single word was said the whole walk home. Azriel pushed open the wide doors for Rhysand to fix through when Feyre appeared before him “How is she?” for a minute he didn’t respond instead he watched as Rhys walked up the stairs and turned down the hallway leading to his personal room. After Rhysand was out of his sight did he hold up the bag he was holding. “Madja said she will be fine, just in a lot of pain.” His lady let out a big breath of relief. 

Rhysand still wasn’t down from his room when he was finished explaining each tonic to Feyre along with how and when to give them so reluctantly he made his exit. That was not before sending his shadows to check on you. “She's still asleep. Comfort in bed. Resting. Rhys is looking over her.” Madja had given you something for the pain and in turn it put you to sleep. There wasn’t anything he could do. Rhysand would never let him close enough to care for you. Once when you were still a child you had accident cut yourself playing with a dagger Rhysand had specifically told you not to touch and when you eventually did get hurt Rhys was the one to tend to you, not allowing either him nor Cassian to care for you. Even when he was supposed to be training. You could have a paper cut and Rhysand would not let anyone other than himself look over you. You are his baby sister after all. That job belongs to him. 

Azriel knew that Rhys would keep you at the river house until you were ok enough to be flown back to the house of wind. In those few days Azriel fought of the temptation to fight Cassian every time the two males made eye contact and spent the other time looking for a mission to get away from his brother. Azriel had a feeling the murderous feelings wouldn’t subside until he knew you were one hundred percent better. So being sent out on a mission with Cassian was the last thing he wanted. 

They were currently sitting by a fire when Cassian broke the silence “So when did you plan on telling us that you were y/n’s mate?” Azriel felt himself choking on the water he had been attempting to drink mere seconds ago. “What?” his coughing fit was still ongoing when he managed to squeak out the one word. “I may not be the smartest one in the group but it doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.” Azriel swore he knew gave any indication that he was your mate to anyone. Hell he barely acknowledged it himself. “I am not y/n’s mate.” Cassian's laugh rang out into the open woods before echoing into the distance. “Sure you're not that why every time you looked at me for the past week almost, you looked like you wanted to kill me. I could tell you were avoiding me. I mean you're less than happy to be here with me.” the general took a big bite of his badly cooked dinner, not even bothering to eat it before speaking again. “You can deny it all you want but I would know because that’s the same way I was with Rhys when I had just an inkling Nes was my mate.”

Taglist:

@kemillyfreitas @lana08 @willowpains @username199945 @tothestarsandwhateverend

@kylaisra @lilah-asteria @nickishadow139 @br0klynbby @blacktreacle22

@amysangel

[ruskaroma]

ordinary, corrupt human love. | chapter 2: you get me closer to god.

Summary: John is a manipulator, and she, is the new subject of his obsession.

Warnings: this chapter contains stalking, mentions of large age gap, graphic descriptions of violence, and manipulation.

read the warnings. john is not only a menace, he is evilllll.

Author’s note: and we are back, baby. today, in this chapter, you are going to be witnessing a LOT of fucked up shit from none other than john wick himself. my man’s been doing a lot, god bless his poor soul.

also may i remind you all that the reader here is naive! she is stupid! she is not the brightest! she’s just desperate for attention and affection, so her decisions are always stupid and all of that. (please do not hate her, she is trying her best.)

this took me a while to write because it’s long asf and also because you know me, i always struggle with the english language, but i hope i won’t disappoint you with this chapter!

thank you so much for waiting and continuing to support this fic! really, it gives me a lot of motivation to keep writing, and i really appreciate all your sweet comments and reblogs on my last post.

i hope you also enjoy this new chapter since we’re going to have another peak of what goes on in john’s dark, dark mind. (I PROMISE THE SEX SCENE WOULD BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.)

and again, this is not edited so all mistakes are on me! i really do apologize, english is not my first language.

Word count: 10.6k

also read on AO3

In this business, you’d see different kinds of reactions when a man walks into a room.

They all see themselves above everybody else. They think they’re better, deadlier, smarter. That’s the kind of mindset you need if you want to survive. How will you get out of being held at gunpoint when you’re a weakling?

When a man walks into a room, they’ll take a moment to stare.

On the outside, you’d think these people have a lot of respect for one another since they all work in the same circle anyway. But in real life, you’d see the blatant lack of respect these people truly have for each other, because they’ll stare and judge.

When John walks into a room, it’s a different story.

Fear.

John is not like any other man in business they think they could just judge and get away with it, no. John is well respected and feared. He could see it in their eyes when he pass by. The extreme discomfort and alarm to be in the same presence as him. Even if they try so hard to hide it, John sees right through them.

They view him as… something but human. He’s a killing machine. An attack dog. A monster, some would even say. 

Back in the days, John wasn’t exactly fond of the names they’ve been giving him. When he was still new in the game, he didn’t like how he struck fear over these people because he wasn’t quite sure how to handle the power he truly has over them.

But now, something has shifted.

John is a free man. Not the kind of free when he was with Helen, but free nonetheless. Free because instead of getting alarmed with the fact that he’s feared all over this underworld, he’s taking advantage of it. Much to the higher ups dismay. They have been having a very hard time keeping up with his recent activities.

Growing up, it seemed like John got the worst sadistic discipline in Ruska Roma.

All of them did, don’t get him wrong. All of them suffered – blood, sweat and tears. They were all forced to go through extreme discipline, because it’s the crack of the whip that gets the rats going.

But John… John got the worst of it.

He used to take the fall for his fellow students. Fingers couldn’t count just how many times he was belted on the back for someone else’s mistake. The amount of times he was starved, denied of any kind of food or water, and that’s how it’s always been.

John has always been denied for the things he wanted. The things he needed.

Now, he is not greedy. He’s not just going to take everything in his way like a kid that got away from its parents’ grip, because he doesn’t want a lot of things. John already has a house, a dog companion, enough money to last forever.

John already has everything except her.

His most happy moments couldn’t compete with the hot curl within his guts that he feels every time his mind flashes back to that night. That night when she gave in, when she gave herself away to him – willingly. 

John didn’t need to give her a little push to finally get her. She practically offered herself to him, bared her neck and John’s itching to take a bite. To finally make her his once and for all, but really, he doesn’t need to do that to know that she’s his. 

Like he said, he’s not going to force himself into her life. He’s going to be welcomed. By the looks of it, it seems like it wouldn’t be such a hard thing to do after all. Not when she’s already giving up information about herself to John through texts – she’s practically making it easy for him to get her.

So naive. Doesn’t got a fucking clue in the world.

Mine. Mine. Mine. Fucking mine –

John looks at his phone, reading the messages both of them sent each other the night before, and there it is again. The itch in his hands, the need to possess.

13.06.15 11:46 PM

Bambi: hello! this is Y/N from the club the other night

13.06.15 11:46 PM

Bambi: also that Y/N who returned your super expensive looking coin hehe ;) i hope you didn’t forget about me!

John changed her name on his phone. He changed it to something more… intimate. More sweet. 

13.06.15 11:48 PM

John : I could never.

13.06.15 11:48 PM

John : You’re hard to forget.

He remembers – no, saw – how she responded. With a smile on her face, hopeful.

13.06.15 11:49 PM

Bambi : using my words against me, i see :D 

13.06.15 11:49 PM

Bambi : good to know you’re still as slick as the last time we chatted haha

13.06.15 11:49 PM

John : Hard not to. I wanted to impress you.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : you already did.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : with all your brooding and intimidating look. just my type ;D 

John smiles to himself as he reads the message. He remembers the look on her face when she’s typing, and hasn't got a clue that the man she’s flirting with was observing her just from across her building. John wouldn’t call it invading her privacy, he calls it keeping her safe.

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : anywho i asked for your number for a reason. i really do want to talk to you again. not just in chat, i mean, but also in real life :) 

13.06.15 11:50 PM

Bambi : maybe we could get to know each other more? what do you say??? meet up again, but this time planned unlike our other previous meetups?? haha

He is not a teenager to be feeling this giddy over reading messages, but she truly brings out something shameful in him.

13.06.15 11:51 PM

John : I should be the one asking you that.

13.06.15 11:51 PM

Bambi : you were taking too looonggg :( 

13.06.15 11:51 PM

Bambi : so what do ya think?

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : Of course I’ll go. I told you I’d make time for you, didn’t I?

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : I’m a man of my word.

13.06.15 11:52 PM

Bambi : ok that’s great! i was so worried you wouldn’t say yes.

John had averted his eyes from the phone that night and onto the little lady across the building. She was rolling around on her bed, still dressed in her pink, fluffy robe and her hair was still wet. She looks like a puppy that John wanted to pet; stroke her hair and tell her she’s his good girl.

13.06.15 11:52 PM

John : When do you want to meet? 

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : aahhhhh let’s see

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : i have classes tomorrow morning BUTTT we can def meet up during lunch! i get out of school at like 12 and go to work at 3 :D

I know, John wanted to say. I’ve memorized your everyday schedule in the span of two days.

13.06.15 11:53 PM

John : How about I pick you up from your school, we grab lunch, and I drop you off to work?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

John : Or is it too soon? 

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : oh my god no way REALLY?

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : nooo it’s not too soon don’t worry! you def could so we have more time to talk and everything! i just hope i won’t be bothering you or anything.

13.06.15 11:53 PM

Bambi : do you have work tomorrow? you look like a 9 to 5 kinda guy :P 

God, she’s fucking adorable. 

13.06.15 11:54 PM

John : I don’t, so you don’t have to worry. I’d love to talk to you more as well.

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : ok! i cannot wait for tomorrow. i should probably sleep now tho so i wouldn’t look shitty when you see me :D 

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : here is the address of my school. [Address]

13.06.15 11:54 PM

Bambi : can’t wait to see you tomorrow, john! goodnight, see you soon! x

13.06.15 11:55 PM

John : Goodnight, sweet girl. Have a good sleep.

John hadn’t meant to type that. He felt his heart drop to his stomach, terrified that he somehow scared her away with the sudden affection. But then he saw her read his message, dropped her phone on the bed, and then rolled over again like a lap dog.

She’s too easy to tame, so gullible. John almost couldn’t believe how fast she folded, how desperate she really is. But then again, he could say the same about himself. Lonely and desperate, they were meant to be together. He likes to believe God had put them in this position because of fate, because he has a plan for every single one of us.

John’s never been the one to believe in Him, but he finds himself grasping to that very little delusion that keeps him from going insane.

*

11:55 AM, the students are already making their way out of their designated buildings. 

John is keeping his guard on high alert, eyes scanning the crowd to find her. He’s parked just across the school gate, leaning against his car as he checks the time on his wrist. He’s also holding his phone in the other, waiting for it to vibrate in case she drops a message.

He’s never felt this giddy before. Hands clammy and eyes searching frantically, excited because he’s finally getting to spend alone time with her, but also worried in fear of losing her in the crowd. John doesn’t like it when he doesn’t have the upper hand. When he doesn’t have control of the situation. When she’s not in his line of vision and could be doing god knows what without his supervision.

He checks his phone again. 11:58, where is she?

John knows at this time, she should be out and about already, waiting for a cab to her apartment. His fingers itch, hovering over the screen of his phone. He begins contemplating if he should send a message, but that would make him look demanding and clingy. He doesn’t want to leave that kind of impression on her, or otherwise he’d have no choice but to abduct her and keep her locked away if she thinks about running –

He blinks, sucking in deep breath. 

“Shit,” he whispers, looking up to the school gate again. This isn’t good. What the fuck was he even thinking? 

John tries not to think about it. Tries to convince himself that he is not as fucked up as his mind is making him out to be. He wouldn’t stoop that low, he’s not that cruel –

Are you not?

A certain someone appears in the crowd, standing outside the school gate, already spotting John and waving at him from across the road. Her face is bright, smiling wide. John never wanted to possess something so bad.

He waves back, all his dark thoughts suddenly gone, and everything is rainbows and sunshine. John watches as she crosses the road carefully, looking left and right, seeming small with the people around her. She looks like a lost puppy.

John wants to pet.

“John, hey!” she beams, running up to him to give him a hug which catches John off guard. She’s on her tiptoes just to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, and John doesn’t want to make her upset for not immediately reacting with her affection, and so he puts his arm around her waist and bends down to place his chin on her shoulder. 

He fights the urge to bury his nose in her neck, then maybe sucks a few hickeys, leaving a bite mark to show that the big, bad wolf has already marked his mate.

She’s so fucking easy to get, John thinks.

When she pulls away from the hug, John tries not to look disappointed. Her cologne lingers in his nose. “Sorry. Force of habit.”

“You don’t ever need to say sorry for that,” John says, faux stern as he places a hand on her waist subtly. She looks like she doesn’t mind, that’s a good thing.

“Okay then,” she smiles politely. “Oh, and I’m sorry if I look like a mess. Just say the words and I would totally change to more appropriate clothes before we go somewhere.”

“You look beautiful,” John says smoothly, standing up straight. Even though she looks underdressed next to John who’s wearing a three-piece suit, she is still heart-wrenchingly beautiful. In fact, John likes the contrast.

“T-thanks.”

“Should we go?”

“Sure! I’m excited,” she giggles, the sound practically dancing in his ear. “I’m hungry. Where will we eat?”

“Hm, what do you like?” he asks.

“Dunno. Burger and milkshake.”

“Sounds unhealthy.”

“The only thing I can afford, unfortunately,” she jokes, though John doesn’t answer, only opening the car door for her. “We should eat in a diner. I know a good one! Also cheap, so you won’t have to worry about the price.”

“I never worry about the price, darling,” John murmurs, but still loud enough for her to hear as she gets inside the vehicle. He swiftly walks to the driver’s seat and starts the car, glancing at his little bambi who’s observing the interior intensely. “You like it?”

“It’s so cool. I’ve never been in a car like this.”

“You’re going to have a lot of firsts when you’re with me.”

As John starts driving, the girl beside him babbles. Not that he minds, of course. He listens and nods, so obsessed with her voice that he could listen to it forever. It’s amazing how John could easily hide the fact that he was just stalking her from across her apartment the night before in the back of his mind, like it never even happened. It’s amazing how he could act like he wasn’t just thinking about kidnapping her and locking her away from the public forever.

But then again, everything about his little bambi would make anyone risk it all for her.  It’s not just John. Anyone would do the same if they were in his shoes.

“How was school?” John asks, averting his eyes from the road for a moment to look at her.

“Eh, it was alright. Classes always drain me, no wonder I’m so hungry now,” she answers politely. One of the few things John noticed about her. How she doesn’t run out of things to say, how she can get the conversation going. “How about you? You going to work after our lunch? You’re dressed up for it.”

“I took the day off today,” he replies vaguely.

“What? Why?”

“I have a date with you.”

She seems to be shocked by John’s choice of words, but she’s more concerned with the fact that John took the day off for her. “Y-yeah, but you didn’t have to do that. We could just go on a date next time.”

“The sooner, the better,” he explains, feeling another surge of something hot into his veins. She agreed that this is a date. Just how fucking gullible can she get? “Work is no problem for me. I want to get to know you more.”

“O-okay. I wanna get to know you more too.”

When John catches a glimpse of her bright smile beaming at him, his hands tighten around the wheel and he steps on the gas harder.

*

John doesn’t like how his mind isn’t making him remember about Helen.

He should be remembering her. He should feel some kind of guilt for being in a restaurant with another woman, but he doesn’t. Every single day since she died, his mind would always make him think about her. But now, it’s like John completely forgot about her existence at all.

The wedding ring on his finger is long gone. Ever since his unhealthy obsession began, he thought that wearing that while doing something so sinful felt so wrong. Helen shouldn’t have to witness all the things he had done in the name of a girl he had only met once that time.

The diner isn’t packed with people. The sizzling of the burgers grilling on the pan and the chatters seem to drown out eventually when his little bambi starts talking.

John gives her a small smile, barely there, just to show her that he’s listening, all his attention is on her.

“Time seems to pass by so fast, huh? I remember when I bumped into you the first time, I really thought I wouldn’t see you again,” she starts the conversation with a bang, but thankfully John’s prepared for this type of talk.

“So you really wanted to see me then?” he smirks slightly.

“Yeah! You’re really good looking and it’s not always I see a guy as handsome as you in my apartment complex and my school,” she says bluntly, though John could see the faint blush on her cheeks when she mentions the word ‘good looking.’ “So of course I had to take my chance when I met you again at that club! God, you were my knight in shining armor. I would’ve been crushed to death if it wasn’t for you.”

“That’s why you should always be careful on the road. You’re small, everyone could look past you if you weren’t careful enough.”

She pouts, placing her chin on her hand as she stares lovingly at John. “You’re exaggerating. I’m not small. You’re just saying that because you’re too big. And I’m always careful on the road – it was only that time that I lost balance and almost fell.”

“Then it better not happen again,” John says sharply, leaning back against the cushioned seat as he stares back at her challengingly. “But there’s no need to worry for the next time. I won’t let that happen again.”

“Next time?” she teases. “So you want to see me again next time, then?”

“Have I not made it clear with my actions and words?” John shoots back, raising another eyebrow. She likes it when he’s being stern like this. All authoritative. She might not know it yet, but her body language speaks for itself. “Do you want to see me again?”

The little bambi smiles brightly, and It hurts. It hurts John to see that smile because she’s just like the sun. But no matter how much she shines, John would do anything just to touch. Just to possess. Just to break.

“Of course! I wouldn’t have gotten your number if I didn’t, right?”

“Good.”

It’s not like she could do much anyways if she says no. Nothing will ever stop John from seeing her again, no matter how bad the procedure would be.

The food then arrives and is served on the table, and John thinks he has never felt anything like this before.

His hands have never felt this itchy before. That desperate, longing feeling to just possess the very thing that’s placed right in front of you. Everything about her is just so captivating, staring up at John like he’s the one who hung the moon, so full of adoration and hope.

Seems like John isn’t the only desperate one between the two of them. He could see it in her eyes. She’s practically begging him to take care of her.

And really, he can’t blame her.

An absent mother and an alcoholic father. No wonder she’s seeking attention from a man like John. A man old enough to be her father – if not older than her own father. John would be more than willing to fulfill the role her father failed to be when she was young. He’d do anything to protect her, morals be damned.

She looks too good to be true sitting right in front of him and he didn’t think watching someone devour a burger twice as big as her face would be so endearing. The way she licks her lips, the way her eyes sparkle every time John would pay attention to the little things she’d absentmindedly insert in her stories. No one must’ve given her this kind of attention before. No one but John.

“Oh, before I forget!” She places a hand on John’s arm that’s perched on the table. A mere innocent touch, yet he can’t help but feel a little giddy on the inside. “We’ve been talking for like, an hour now, and I still haven’t asked what your job is. I’ve been really curious ever since you told me you took a day off just for this. Are you like the boss or something?”

Ah. Of course.

A question like this is inevitable, thank god John came prepared. 

“No,” he simply says. “I’m a book binder. I collect and restore books as both a hobby and job.”

“Wow,” she nods her head, now interested as she leans forward and closer to him. She smells so sweet, John feels like he’s snorting sugar. “I didn’t think book binding could earn you so much money. Considering you’re dressed pretty… comfortably. And you have a nice car.”

“It pays enough,” John replies. Sooner or later she’d find out what he really does for a living, and no doubt she’d be scared. John already has a plan of action for when that would happen, but for now, he’ll try to keep it a secret as long as he can. “Pays enough to let me spoil you in the future. In fact, I think I might just start spoiling you now.”

“You say that to every woman you meet?” She quirks an eyebrow, teasing. 

“Just for you. You’re special.”

John sees the way she immediately turns shy and nervous from the statement. It must’ve felt overwhelming, having someone so much older and with more experience to hit on her like that. But John would say it brings a whole different feeling in him, like ego-lifting of some sort, knowing he just might be the only man that treated her right in her life.

Does killing one of her guy friends and storing him in his basement means treating her right? Does stalking her and watching her sleep from across the building is a way to treat her right? Different story to be told for another day.

“I believe you,” she says, smiling. 

Of course you do.

John diverts her attention from him. “You’re a veterinary student and also part time in a veterinary clinic. What made you want to pursue it?”

“Uh, let’s see. I don’t really have like, a very logical reason for it. I just really love animals and I want them to be part of my job as well,” she shrugs. “As for the part time thing, one of my older friends works there and got me in to gain some experience. I don’t really do much, I help with the paperworks and watch how they do stuff around there.”

I know.

“Your unconditional love for animals is logical enough.”

“I know right. Best job in the world, I might add. I get to pet all kinds of different animals everyday, and mind you I’m not even a real doctor yet,” she giggles, then tilts her head in curiosity. “Do you have a pet, John?”

“I do. I have a dog,” he answers, taking a sip of his own milkshake. It’s sweet, it’s something he’s not used to, but it reminds him of her. “Unfortunately, I haven’t named her yet.”

She frowns. “Why not?”

“I don’t know how to. I’m not good with names,” John shrugs. This conversation with her alone just might be the longest conversation he’s ever shared with someone ever since Helen died. And even with his late wife, he wasn’t as talkative as this. “Maybe you could name her. She’s a large pitbull but surprisingly very gentle for her size.”

“Oh my god, John, I have to meet her!” She beams. “Maybe on our next date, don’t you think? Let’s bring her with us to the park, have a little picnic there or something.”

Next date.

She wants to go on another date with him and she is making this a lot easier for John.

His lips stretch into a rare smile, fingers twitching subtly around the glass as he stares right into her eyes. There’s no hidden intention behind them, just pure adoration with a twinge of hope. Probably hopes that John wants the same thing as her, but he wouldn’t let her know that she is in for a lot more than she bargained for.

“I can’t wait for our next one.”

*

John could still remember the little things that made him feel human. 

Back in the Marines, when he first killed somebody, he felt a tremendous amount of guilt and self-hating that he couldn’t sleep for a week. He’d have nightmares of it; of holding his gun up to somebody’s head and blowing it up with just one single movement. The residue of the flesh splattered all over his face, some of them even went to his mouth. His hands shaked but he didn’t let his crew see it. In their eyes, that wasn’t the first time he had done it.

When he was recruited by Viggo and his little minions, the guilt of killing people was still there, but barely. He used to wish he didn’t feel any guilt or remorse at all every time he pulled a trigger, but looking back at it now, he wishes he could just take it all back. It was only guilt that he felt most of his life, but it made John human.

Now, he doesn’t feel very human as he stands in the middle of an abattoir holding a machete with pints of blood pooling at his shoes.

Back then, he used to kill. Point, shoot, leave. A very short routine he told himself to stick with unless he wanted to get in trouble. But now, he is not only just killing. John is fucking slaughtering people.

His eyes land on the dead body hanging from the meat hook. Naked, gutted alive just a few moments ago. His stomach is sliced open with his own intestines wrapped around his neck, and it fucking stinks.

The raw stench of human blood mixing with the already reeking smell of the slaughtered pigs hanging just besides the one John had slaughtered himself. 

Really, John should feel even just a little amount of remorse or disgust. His client didn’t particularly gave him a specific order on how to fucking kill the target, John did it himself. He didn’t know what the fuck was he thinking when he was doing the wet work, all he knows is that he’s getting worse each day that passes.

The killing part took some time considering the man certainly put up a fight. He was smuggling drugs inside the pigs he was slaughtering. It works on people too, though it’s too risky. Dying with balloons of cocaine up your throat or ass isn’t exactly the way you’d want to die, nor the kind of state you want your body to be in.

John really didn’t mean to go this far, but all the pent up anger and frustration led him to do something so ugly. He feels like a ticking bomb. Every second a little part of humanity just starts fading away, who knows what would happen if all of it were gone. 

This is his first kill since his date with his bambi. That was five days ago. John decided to take another job while he’s waiting for her next decision. He doesn’t want to look clingy and creepy by constantly texting her every chance he gets, so he lets her do it in her own phase. Though, waiting for her texts sure did take a lot of rampant rage on John’s side. Lots of broken furniture and a creepy amount of hours watching her sleep from across the building. 

Just because John is letting her do her own thing for the meantime, doesn’t mean he gets to take his eyes off of her. It’s for the best. 

Their last conversation was yesterday. It was a pretty long conversation, but not long enough for John’s satisfaction. She left it off by saying she’s going to be busy studying for her test and cleaning her apartment, which John didn’t have the time to check if she was telling the truth since he was busy himself.

John is dying to see her again but he knows he’s gonna have to wait it out in the Continental. Or maybe if he’s feeling a little bit insane, he’d ditch having to rest and spend his time sitting on a dusty chair in the same dusty room he’s been staying in for awhile; the building across from her apartment. But until then he’ll have to see where time will take him.

His phone ringing in his jacket is what snaps him from his thoughts. Bringing a bloodied hand to get it, he almost couldn’t press the screen by the slippery liquid covering his fingers. John presses the phone to his ear, waiting for the person to speak.

“Hey, boss. How’s Russia treating you so far? Hopefully not great ‘cause I’ve got some news that will cheer you up.” The deep voice of Alex echoes in the abattoir. It must’ve slipped John’s mind that he had sent Alex again to tail her again while he’s out overseas.

He furrows his brows, curious. “How is she?”

“Hm, let’s see here. Your little pet has been up and about all day with her little friends after they’ve finally noticed the disappearance of that little shit we took care of a while back – speaking of which, how is he by the way?”

“Rotting. Dissolving in my basement,” John replies, hands tightening around the handle of the machete. So this is what she’s been doing and the reason why she hasn’t messaged him all day. “I say the fucker got what he deserved. He’s a creep who preys on women to rape, I’m just thankful we got him out of the way before he got to her.”

“Yeah, well. She doesn’t know that and I doubt she’d even stop looking for her creepy friend unless they’ve found him. What do you want me to do?”

“Give it a day or two. Wait for me to get back and I’ll take it from there.”

“Anything else?” John hears loud chattering in the background, he furrows his brows.

“Yeah. Where are you right now?”

“Uhh, keeping her in my sight like you told me to?” Alex sounds particularly sassy. John doesn’t know if he should be pleased or not. “She’s at a restaurant. I think she’s having a meeting with her other friends or something – she looks upset.”

“Upset because of her missing friend, I assume.”

“Probably. Have you talked to her at all today, boss? Pretty sure I have not yet seen her pick up her phone all day.”

“No,” John simply says. “But she will. I’m sure of it.”

“I see you’ve finally gotten her dependent on you now.”

“Not enough, apparently, since she’s gone a full day without talking to me.”

“Well, you’re definitely getting there,” Alex says under his breath. “I’m going now, boss. They’re leaving to god knows where.”

John doesn’t say anything else, only ending the call and pocketing back his phone. He looks around the area, the coppery smell of blood is stronger than before. He is the reason why it stinks in here, the reason why there’s so much blood and brutality. The body that hangs right in front of him is lifelessly staring with dead, cold eyes. John resists the urge to shove a balloon of fucking cocaine into his stomach, the same thing he’s been doing with these pigs, brutalize him more if that’s even possible, but he knows it wouldn’t help his already worsening mentality.

The thought of someone seeing this body and thinking about how fucked up the person who did this doesn’t concern him as much as it should. 

Instead, John turns his heels and walks away from the scene. 

*

Unsurprisingly, getting her to depend on John isn’t the hardest task to do.

It just might be the easiest.

The moment John arrives at the Continental, he takes his time to message his bambi. It’s only reasonable, he wouldn’t come out as a clingy creep since it’s been a full day since his last message, he has every right to know what and how she’s doing despite already getting enough pictures and updates from Alex.

He asks her how she’s been, waits for approximately ten minutes before he finally gets a reply. In those ten minutes, John takes his time scrolling through the pictures Alex had sent him. Pictures of her bundled up in large, colorful sweaters and wearing a frown on her pretty face. She looks rough, but she makes looking rough look good.

Bambi : hi, john :(( sorry i didn’t text you all day. was busy with something 

John : That’s alright, I understand. I’m just glad you replied. Did something come up? Was it about school?

Bambi : kind of. my friend from school is missing and we don’t know where he is. we’re worried because he hasn’t answered any of our calls for a week and his apartment is practically empty.

Reading that almost makes him resist an urge to sickly smile to himself. His fingers hover the screen, careful of what his next words might be. 

John : I’m sorry to hear that. Have you gotten any updates from the police? What did they say?

Bambi : nothing yet unfortunately. no one saw him the night he went missing :( 

John : I’m sure you’ll find him soon enough. I hope nothing extremely bad happened to your friend.

He sounds… manipulating. There aren’t any more words that could describe what John is doing to her. He doesn’t even know if he can still make up excuses to tell himself that everything is completely fine and normal.

The girl that he likes is currently sharing about the horrifying tragedy her ‘friend’ is facing, the horrifying tragedy being John’s fault, and he’s fucking lying about it. And what truly terrifies him the most is not about the fact that he’s manipulating her, he’s terrified because it feels normal and just… fine.

Normal, normal, normal–

Can John really win her over by going this path? If not, would it really matter?

He will still have the upper hand if this doesn’t end well. But then again, there’s a very small chance that it wouldn’t – if not none at all. John just needs to play his cards well and there wouldn’t be a problem. 

Bambi : thank you john. really hope that too. it doesn’t feel the same without him

John’s jaw ticks.

What do you mean it doesn’t feel the same without that fucker? I killed him for you! He was a creep who only wanted to fuck you and take you away from me and–

A dangerous feeling suddenly surge into his veins that he wants to put back together all the pieces of that fucker just to destroy it in his hands once again.

Maybe mutilating him and dissolving him in pure acid just isn’t enough. Maybe he deserved more. Maybe John should’ve took his fucking time torturing that little shit instead of killing him instantly.

John : And how are you? I hope you’re not too worried about this matter that you start to forget about taking care of yourself.

Bambi : i’m doing fine, but a bit sad bc of it. i also miss you and i wish u’re here so i wouldn’t be too sad

And just like that, it’s like all his resentment and rage just one minute prior vanished in a snap of a finger. A small smile makes its way to his face and a surge of ego soars into his chest. She has no idea she’s got a dangerous assassin wrapped around her finger and the consequences it’d bring her.

Bambi : are u still overseas? when will you be back?

John : Tomorrow, hopefully.

John : And I miss you too, sweetheart. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I finish work.

Bambi : can’t wait to see you. do u want me to pick u up at the airport? :D

John : Thank you, baby, but that won’t be necessary. I don’t want to keep you busy when you already have too much in your hands.

Bambi : mkay. but call me or text me when u arrive, ok?

John : Of course.

*

John is not stupid.

If he ever noticed a man following his every step, he didn’t once care or say a word.

It’s one of Winston’s men, obviously, following him around throughout his business in Russia up to boarding the same plane as him back to New York. Considering John had managed to catch on pretty quickly at the fact that Winston sent someone to trail him, this poor guy is not doing a particularly good job.

At first, John thought about taking care of the guy himself and bringing Winston a souvenir of his dog’s fingers or even one of his eyeballs, but decided that he is not that cruel.

He could be, but knowing he holds all the power over several people under The Table makes John wants to play the game a little longer and just fucking shiver in excitement.

Obviously Winston had noticed that John is up to no good. Not that it’s any of his business, he’s more likely just scared for his own life. He’s probably thinking it was a bad idea to bring John back into the game now that he’s living up to the horrors of his reputation and giving people exactly what they wanted.

When John first returned to the field, it was only to avenge his late wife and nothing more. But now that a bigger monster has grown within him over the course of his stay, he’s now also looking for the fuel to his fire.

And boy did he find it.

The fuel being in the form of a young woman who’s unaware of how much power she has over John. It’s only a matter of time before all hell breaks loose. 

*

10:56 PM.

“Hello.”

“Hello? John?”

“It’s me, darling. How are you?”

“Doing fine. Studying for my exam and all. Why are you calling at this hour, though?”

“Just wanted to let you know that I just arrived back in New York and see how you’re doing.”

“Oh, John, it’s so late. I was thinking earlier that you would arrive tomorrow morning or afternoon, you didn’t tell me you boarded a flight.”

“I wanted to be back as soon as possible and wanted to surprise you, but my flight got delayed so I only just arrived now.”

A soft laugh rings in his ear.

“You’re so cheeky. We can just meet up tomorrow if you’d like, go on a picnic at a park or something. I really, really wanna meet your dog.”

John hears a sigh, then the sound of paper rustling in the background. He counts – one, two, three – here it comes.

“I miss you, John.”

He pushes the curtain aside with two fingers, peering his eyes in the small opening as he watches the figure at the other side of the building. She’s sitting on her study desk in front of a laptop, freshly showered and wearing specs that John can’t help his heart to ache.

It’s been so long.

“I miss you too, sweetheart. Couldn’t stop thinking about you when I was away.”

“That’s very sweet. I hope you brought souvenirs for me, though, or otherwise I will be very sad.”

“How can I forget? I bought everything that reminded me of you when I was there.”

“Now you’re just spoiling me.” Another laugh, then John sees her getting up from the chair and laying on the bed. “I’m happy that I’d get to see you again tomorrow, John. Everything that’s been happening is just so… I don’t know. Stressful, I guess. From my friend missing and school work, I don’t even know where to start. I just wanna be with you again.”

The mention of her friend Jay ticks him the wrong way, but he can’t also help but notice the longing and desperation laced in her voice as she said the last part. John knows it wouldn’t be too hard for her to be dependent on him, he just didn’t expect it to be this easy. They’ve only met once in real life, but their constant texting and calling through the phone makes it up for it. 

“Don’t let yourself worry too much on matters that don’t concern you.”

Silence, then John watches her bite her nail anxiously. “What do you mean by that, John?”

He doesn’t particularly like the way his name just rolls off her tongue like that – like she’s his age, the same way Helen used to call him. He doesn’t want to be reminded of Helen when he’s with his little bambi, it just makes him feel even shittier with the situation. It sorta reminds John how much he truly changed when he lost Helen.

“Don’t worry about your friend too much. I know it’s hard that he’s missing, but don’t put him first before your own well being,” John advises, manipulation just dripping off his tongue like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He doubts she would notice, though. “I’m sure the police got it covered by now. I’m more worried about you.”

John could still see her expression through the window despite being far away. She’s thinking about it, letting herself get swayed by his lies and persuasion. She’s too easy, she just doesn’t know it herself, but John does. And he’s going to take advantage of it as much as he can. 

He counts again – one, two, three – and she’s dropping her hand to the bed and sighing softly. There she is.

“Okay. You’re probably right, I worry too much.”

John doesn’t reply but gives a silent hum that indicates he’s agreeing. He sees her taking off her glasses and putting it on the bedside table, suddenly the itch in his hands is back.

There’s a voice nagging at the back of his head and asking him just what the fuck is he doing, that he should stop this madness before it gets out of hand, but would that really make a difference? Even if John did stop, he’d still continue to live with the fact that he was a monster who stalked a young woman out of sheer obsession. He’d already got her dependent on him, he’d already laid out the plan on how this would turn out, why is he suddenly questioning now?

He had done stuff that was worse than manipulating. He didn’t feel a single drop of empathy when he was slaughtering people and shooting them in the head, but why does he feel guilty manipulating her?

“John? Did you already fall asleep on me?”

Soft voice snaps him out of his thoughts, then it’s followed by a soft giggle. John feels butterflies exploding in his stomach. 

“Sorry. I was just–”

“It’s okay, John, you can sleep. You’ve probably had a long day since you’ve been on a flight and everything. I’m going to sleep now too, we have a date tomorrow, remember? Don’t forget.” The faux strictness in her voice makes him smile, then he sees her smiling just as big through the window; giddy and excited. “Goodnight, John. It’s really nice talking to you again. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, darling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hangs up first, smiling to herself before putting the phone back to her nightstand. She settles on the bed comfortably, tucking herself into her blanket, unaware of the fact that there’s a monster lurking on the other building, watching her every move like a hawk.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the old mirror on the dusty wall, dressed in black and predatory, reminiscent of the devil himself. 

Might as well live up to the name.

*

John is aware of how dead he looks in people’s eyes. He barely smiles, he’s always dressed in black, and he always has trouble showing emotions through his face. He makes sure that he gives off that aura that shows how much he dislikes everyone in the fucking room. How much he just wants to pull out his gun and shoot every single one of them in the head.

John despises the way they look at him. Like they pity him for losing his wife, for getting dragged back to the life he had already left. Though, he can’t really blame them, really. He used to pity himself too, even now for letting himself get even worse, but he wouldn’t really call it pity. He doesn’t know what it is, but it’s not pity.

The next day is interesting, to say the least.

He couldn’t get a minute of sleep the night before, the image of her sleeping so peacefully without a worry in the world bored into his mind. It’s extremely fascinating to him just how careless and… dumb she is. Dumb in a way that it’s benifiting John – the both of them, actually – and not in an offensive kind of way.

It was around two in the morning when he returned back to the hotel, managed to sleep for an hour or two before ripping off the blankets and had a drink the first thing in the morning. John didn’t bother taking a nap after that, just walking around the room making sure all is well and everything will be according to plan.

At 8 AM, she texted John a good morning and said it would be better for their date to be at 4 PM. John then replied that it was perfect, though he doubts he can wait that long.

12 PM, for a man as calm and collected as John, he sure as hell can’t fucking sit still in one place.

He’s paranoid. No amount of texts from his bambi is enough to keep him calm. The time is ticking too slowly for his liking and he has no other things to do in his free time. Except be paranoid.

John grabs his coat, kisses his dog goodbye and decides to stop by a grocery store to prepare for their date. He should at least make them both a sandwich and buy drinks, knowing that the little gesture would be enough to put a smile on her face.

1 PM, John comes back with shit ton of paper bags in his arms. He’s doing too much, he knows it, but too much is still better than not enough.

John goes to the kitchen to prepare. The orphanage taught him how to cook – well, not really. John taught himself how to cook, because if he’s not going to cook for himself and half of the kids back in Ruska, they’d all be dead with no survival instincts to save them from starvation. Being an assassin who could withstand any form of torture all while not knowing how to cook would be the greatest joke of the century. John’s not the one to be laughed out.

2 PM, everything is settled and in place, his little bambi texts him to let him know that she’s getting ready and cannot wait for their date. John then takes his time to get ready too.

3 PM, John is dressed in a nice white t-shirt with a brown leather jacket on top. He looks civilised, no one would know a damn thing that he’s one of the most feared men in the underworld who slaughters people for a living.

His dog is quiet in the corner, chewing on her bone toy until John puts a collar and leash around her neck. Her eyes perks up in excitement, already knowing they would go outside to play. John always takes his time making sure she gets to socialize with other dogs, whether it’s in a park or just down the street.

“You’re excited, baby?” John murmurs, petting her ears softly as he kneels down to her position. “You’re gonna meet someone special. Want you to be nice to her, alright? She’s gonna be your mom.”

John hauls everything into his car in a matter of minutes. The picnic basket, the blanket, his gifts for his little one that he got from Russia, also including his dog. She’s behaved yet excited as she peeks in the mirror watching her owner work.

He slides into the driver’s seat and locks his seatbelt, starting up the car and driving away from the hotel. Earlier, John had seen a couple of his co-workers loading up his trunk dressed like he’s going on a date – because he is – no doubt they’re snitching and would tell Winston. He couldn’t care less.

He arrives outside her apartment after thirty minutes, parking his car right by the entrance. He can’t help but grimace as he looks around the place. He remembers meeting her here, the day after he killed that good-for-nothing junkie. He wonders if she ever got the news, how she reacted when someone got killed the same day John was visiting her area.

It won’t be long before she wouldn’t be living in this area no more. It’s too dangerous, filled with a bunch of goons who get themselves tangled up in petty gang wars. John knows a gangster when he sees one, and it looks like every single man who lives in these crowded apartments are either pushers or gangsters with no sense of direction in life.

She doesn’t belong here. She should be in John’s house, locked up and isolated where she’s safe under his supervision. He would treat her like a princess, give her the things she deserve.

John gets out of the car, pulls out his phone and sends her a message to let her know he’s outside her building. He leans against the car as he waits.

A minute passes and a very happy bambi appears in the elevator, dressed in a pretty sundress and a white tote bag with a text John can’t see. She’s beaming up at him as she exits the building, and John hasn’t got the time to react before she’s lunging herself forward and going on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his neck.

“Whoa easy,” John murmurs, immediately wrapping his arms around her waist for support, placing his face in the crook of her neck and inhaling her scent; it’s sweet, not a surprise. “You miss me that much?”

“So much, you don’t even wanna know,” she murmurs in his chest, not quite reaching his neck despite being on her tiptoes. “I hope you miss me just as much.”

John pulls away, gives her a look as he places her large hands on her hips. “I might’ve missed you more than you missed me.”

She giggles, John could see her eyes through the heart-shaped sunglasses she’s wearing. It’s cute. “That’s not possible, I will fight you for it.”

“Hm,” John hums, eyes wandering down her lips to her dress. It stops just above her knees, John has to mentally prepare himself for the worst. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she says sheepishly. “You like it? I think it’s the perfect picnic outfit.”

“I love it,” John clarifies. “Looks perfect on you.”

“You look gorgeous yourself,” she giggles, eyeing John up and down teasingly, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. He isn’t so sure how to react to that, hopefully his dick wouldn’t take the liberty to rise from the dead at this moment. “This is the first time I’ve seen you not wearing any suits. Domestic looks good on you.”

“What can I say, I’m a changed man.” John means both good and bad. “And before we go, I want to introduce you to someone.”

Before she gets a chance to ask, John slides out of the way from his position of covering the car window and reveals a very happy pitbull waiting to be introduced to her mother.

Her smile is wide when she spots John’s pet excitedly wagging her tail inside the car. “Oh my god, she is beautiful! John, open the door, hurry, hurry, hurry–”

“Okay, okay–”

The moment John pulls the door open, the dog comes rushing out to jump and starts licking her face.

“Oh, lookie here, baby! You’re such a cutie! What’s your name, hm? Don’t got a name yet? Your dad can’t think of a name to give ya’?” 

Her giggles are like music to his ears.

The sound of paws pattering on the concrete and her high pitched voice talking to the dog fills the empty street in a matter of seconds. When she isn’t looking, John begins looking around the area, his eyes landing on the apartment building where he preys at some nights. 

There’s a person at the front desk, staring at him like he knows something, and like a switch that goes off in his brain, John recognizes this man as the same one who bumped into him a few nights ago in the hallway in front of the abandoned room where he’s staying.

They meet eyes, John flashes him a knowing look, then the man immediately looks away.

John’s jaw ticks. He’s gonna have to deal with that later.

He turns his attention back to where it’s most needed. She’s still playing with the dog, crouching beside the car while the puppy just drowns in her affection. John really hates to break the moment.

“Shall we get going?” He interjects, voice deeper than usual, still feeling a little on the edge from that man by the front desk earlier.

“Sure. She gonna be in the backseat?”

“You bet.”

John opens the door for the both of them and lets her help the puppy get inside. Before he slams the door close, he makes sure to take another look at the apartment, seeing the man already staring back at him.

Yeah. He’s really gonna have to deal with that later.

*

They arrive at the park around 4:25 and John is the one to set up their spot while she and the puppy play in the empty field. It’s empty, totally empty, and John couldn’t be more thankful than that since he really doesn’t want to be around other people besides her. She’s the only one that matters.

John notices that she brought her own dog toys, probably the ones she keeps to herself since she does work in a vet clinic after all. The sight of her happily running around the grass with his dog is enough to bring him to his knees, he is only but a man.

John calls her to eat and the two of them come running towards him and plops down on the soft blanket next to the basket full of fruits.

“Had fun?” John speaks, sitting beside her on the ground as he watches her get a plate of pasta for the two of them. She insists she gets to plate their food, John lets her.

“Very. Didn’t know she’s quite energetic, luckily for her I can match her energy extremely well.”

“It comes with being young, I guess. Can’t really relate,” he jokes, receiving the plate full of pasta she gives him while she snickers at the statement.

“Come on, John. You’re still fit despite being old.” John watches her take a bite of the food. He’s not subtle, he’s straight up staring at her lips as she wraps her mouth around the fork, savoring the flavor with closed eyes. “Hm, this is delicious. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

“By myself,” he shrugs, taking a bite of his food to keep him from taking a bite of her instead. “I’m surprised you aren’t creeped out.”

“With what?”

“With my age,” John makes it clear. “You’re young with a bright future ahead of you–”

“Yet here I am having a date with an old man?” she interjects, wiggles her eyebrows, teasing clearly with the way she emphasizes the last part. “I can’t believe you thought I’m gonna get creeped out. You’re a grown man with a stable job and not to mention very hot, I find that very sexy.”

“You think I’m sexy?” he raises a brow.

“Yes, I think you’re very sexy. I haven’t once encountered a guy my age who has the same status as you,” she sets down the plate on her lap for a moment. “You know, experienced and mature.”

“I see,” John nods. It’s very clear that she’s always found the people who contrast her so well attractive. She wants a savior that would save her from everything, luckily John fits in the description quite too well. 

They delve in a normal conversation after that. John makes sure to steer away all questions regarding him and his life, a way to learn more about her other than the pictures and videos and information he’d been sent by Alex.

John already knows a lot about her, it wouldn’t hurt to learn a little more.

Ten minutes go by, a bottle of wine has been pulled out of the basket and she’s spilling her whole life to John in a matter of moments. From lttle memories from childhood to how she moved from her hometown to New York to get away from her father. How when she was younger, she begged her toys to talk to her and she wouldn’t tell anyone. How their family pet back in the days impacted the choices she made to choose her career path – to become a veterinarian.

John listens. He’s always been good at listening instead of talking, so he listens. 

5 PM, the two of them play with the dog and she decides to name her “Blue.”

“Is it because she has blue eyes?” John asks.

“Yeah. Not really original, I know, but it fits her.”

“Blue is perfect.”

It’s already 6 PM when they decide to head home. She’s still talking the moment they’re in the car and John is still listening. There’s something about her voice that just… pulls him in. It’s so sweet and soft.

When they arrive outside her apartment complex, it’s dead silent. 

“I really enjoyed our date today, John,” she smiles when he opens the door for her, now standing in front of him and looking up to meet his eyes. “The pasta was delicious. I hope I get to eat more of them in the future – and oh, I really, really enjoyed playing with Blue! I’m so thankful that you let me name her even though it wasn’t really special–”

“Hush,” John jokingly interrupts. “The night might be over, but I can assure you that I will see you soon again.”

“How soon would that be again?”

“Eager to see me already?”

“Maybe.”

“You know I always make time for you, sweetheart,” John croons, placing a large hand on her chin and staring deeply into her eyes. “Is it too early for me to kiss you?”

She laughs, then wraps her arms around his waist to pull him in closer. John looks at her and falls in love for what to be a millionth time today. She never fails to take his breath away. “Not too early, I promise you. You should’ve done that sooner.”

“Well, I’m gonna do it now.”

Before she can add another word, John leans down to smash his lips against hers, his large hand finding its way on the small of her back to deepen the kiss that she can’t help but whimper into his mouth.

Fuck.

Her lips are so, so soft. John can still taste the lingering sweetness of the wine from earlier and being so close to her that her scent is shutting off his entire brain. If he won’t stop, he might just end up fucking her on the hood of his car until she can’t walk straight.

Their lips move in tandem and she’s following his head like she always does. Her small hands are gripping his leather jacket for support, so pliant and vulnerable, already trusting him enough to kiss him on their second date. 

This is a sudden shift in his universe, John knows he’s already won.

He’s the first to pull away and their lips are wet and connected with saliva. She’s flushed and out of breath like expected, John wants nothing more but to break her and make her his.

Oh wait, she already is.

“How was that?” John asks, voice deep.

“I wanna do it again.”

He chuckles, rubbing his thumb on her cheeks while she’s busy avoiding his eyes. “Let’s save it for next time.”

He’s gonna control himself.

“That next time better come by fast,” she threatens jokingly. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Don’t talk like you’re not gonna see me for days, baby,” John whispers. “You know I won’t let you go that easily. You’re mine now.”

He doesn’t miss the way her pupils dilated and the way the clutch she has on his leather jackets becomes tighter. She’s already fallen deep into his trap, John wants to push his claws in even deeper.

“Say it again,” she mutters, leaning in against his warm large hand as she closes her eyes. “Say it again. Please.”

John smiles when she isn’t looking. He really won.

“You’re mine.”

*

That same night, 4 AM, John is back in his work clothes and arranging something in a dark room.

The stench of metallic blood hitting his nose, and he stands in the middle of the room to inhale that scent – god, does he truly miss it.

The sight of a man in front of him wakes something dangerous within John’s veins. Hands tied up behind the chair, head dropped forward, lifeless and cold. His lower stomach is open, guts hanging off the floor as the other half is used to gag him in the mouth. His eyes are missing, John took the liberty to take them out for staring at him too much, and he couldn’t be any more relieved when he did.

“What do you know?” John had asked as soon as the man woke up from his head concussion.

“Y-You!” The man had yelled, John didn’t bother finding out his name. “You fucking creep –”

John’s hands twitched beside him. He remained silent.

The man went on a rant about how he’d seen John around lurking outside the apartment complex and using the abandoned room on the fifth floor and that’s all John needed to know.

He didn’t need another pair of eyes to tell him what’s right and wrong. Winston is already enough.

The next morning, John receives a text from none other than his bambi. A picture of numerous police cars outside her apartment and an ambulance, and another picture of a dead body covered in white blanket getting pulled out of the building.

Bambi : there was an accident that happened near me, john :(( 

Bambi : the police said somebody was killed and i’m scared

Bambi : they said he was gutted alive 

John is smiling to himself when he types his response.

John : What kind of a sick person would do something like that?

He is not a sick person. He’s just in love.

Taglist: aerangi starrgir1 heluvsvalefr danika1994 fraisejoon doggodorime ohmytate

[quiteliterallyilliterate]

I legit just see you randomly on my feed and your writing was really good and I thought why not? Since requests are open, may I request for yandere skyward sword link with goddess reader? Reader can either replace Zelda herself or is a whole other goddess that doesnt even belong or own Hyrule. Id love to see what else you have in store here!

Order up!

Sorry it’s been a while! I’ve been dealing with a lot these past two weeks but hopefully life will improve (?) Love this concept and there’s a mention of @monpalace’s idea with Skyloftians using shed loftwing feathers to propose. Not proofread, I am sorry, this took wayyyy too. Much like Link, i am eepy. That’s about all!

Hope you enjoy!~

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

There was little refuge for Link on the surface, that much he knew. That much the world made incredibly apparent. Aside from what little lands like that of the kikwi or the ancient temple, there was little non-hostile life. The sun was fading from the sky, Hylia’s light fading from the surface land, letting monsters run rampant across the untamed earth. Not a particularly pleasant situation given the stab wound he’d nursed, limping through the forest as he tried to find a way home. With no statues in sight, he resigned himself to his fate —alone within an unkind world. Not that it’s a first that he’s felt such a manner, everyone knew everyone in Skyloft, his business was never truly his. And with Groose and his goons taunting him for his every breath, there wasn’t much to say for company. He could be surrounded by people, and yet he was —to some level— still alone. That was, aside from Zelda, missing among this realm. There was some small, nagging part of him that wish he needn’t search for her. Sure, he valued her companionship, and yet… it’s been odd lately. Originally he kept from the sky to be with her once more. But now knowing he was a piece in a prophecy —one she knew, no less— he couldn’t help but question the authenticity of their friendship. He feels wrong about it to question. The hylian people serve Hylia, he should be grateful that he’s been sent on a mission she foretold. He should be so many things. It just seems added onto the pile of things he should be. More outgoing, Zelda would say after he’d share his difficulty with speaking to his peers. Less pathetic, Groose and his lackeys would sneer. Dead, He’d often think, looking at the bags under his eyes and tousled hair. So it seemed irrelevant that Hylia wished he’d be heroic. The small decaying temple looked surprisingly stable from the inside. Vines and mosses grew into the cracks within the marble, nature filling in where people could no longer support. The door was easily blocked and the main area was large enough to safely light a fire without smoking himself out. Above a plinth stood a statue, sharp imposing eyes glaring at whomever entered with judgement. Their face was alight with the golds of the fire, setting in the allure within his mind. Looking down past stone ceremonial robes were offerings, placed at their feet, still fresh despite the centuries since any people lived down here. A deity, he noticed a little too late. Perhaps it was sacreligious of him to stay here, the Hero of Hylia taking refuge in a different god’s home. But perhaps that kingdom has since crumbled, their blades too rusted to do him any harm. The blood seeping through his tunic was the least of his concerns as sleep pulled him in familiar as ever.

Link liked to sleep. It was safe and warm, something quite the contrast to the life he’d led. He wished many times both before his journey and since its onset that he could stay asleep forever. It’d be a blessing, to exist in such a state of peaceful serenity outside of a world defined by its wars. And yet, morning after morning, he’d awake to soft sunlight or be shoved out of his bed. Hylia did not wait on him. So waking up to fingers carding softly through his hair as a lullaby —one his memories could just barely grasp at— was a sharp contrast. He felt no pain in his stomach nor the jolt of adrenaline he was used to. Turning around sleepily, he saw you, the very deity he seeked refuge under. He scrambled to apologize, your sharp eyes looking down upon him as he lay strewn across your body.

“I’m- Oh- I-“ He could not, for whatever reason, speak. Much a common theme in his life that whenever he needed his words, they’d fly away faster than a loftwing. Strong arms tightened around him, shushes and soothes whispered to his pointed ears.

“Be at ease. Your goddess cannot find you here” The fingers resumed carding through his hair, twirling the uneven cuts. “You are safe, little hero” Your words bled with a care and endearment he had not been given in so long. His mind latched to you, to your care and your soft treatment of him. He let himself rest limply, telling himself that it would pass soon. Nothing ever stays this good for this long. And yet, there were no monsters to kick in the door or someone waiting on him. There was just you and him. And no other God watching. “She’s put you through so much.” Your statement hangs in the air as Link can’t find the words that dignify a response. “To wander in here bleeding as badly as you were.” His eyes widen and he does his best to pat his tunic, feeling for the blood. And yet there was none. Aside from the rip in the forest fabric, there was no signs of him ever being injured.

“What?” His brows furrowed and he found himself looking up to you. Your skin held an inhuman glint, a glow to it that needed no sun nor fire to illuminate. Your hunter’s eyes had no iris, a scalara of pure white looking back at him. Your lips here pulled to something of a mischievous smirk as you looked upon him.

“I fixed you.” Your tone was a little uncanny, voice unused to conversing. “I used to do it frequently for the before people” He felt his eyes widen marginally. He’d never heard of the ‘before people’ only if what came after them. He knew naught of their societies, nor their deities. You giggled at his curiosity, pressing lightly on his shoulders so he’d lay back down. “It’s been so long since i’ve had such lovely visitors” Your voice was a far off cry in his mind as he buried his face in the nape of your neck. There was no rushing of blood to lull his own rushing mind, and yet you soothed him all the same. “Rest now, little Hero. I will watch the world in your stead.

There were many times afterwards that he visited you. He’d put a beacon near the clearing where your quiet temple sat. Gone was the comfort of absence that came with sleep, that nullifying expanse of nothingness. Instead, he’d seek out you, the glow of your grace soothing the rage he now brought upon the world. At your Altar he’d leave gifts, anything you’d mentioned in passing or anything he knew must’ve been good. You’d offhandedly speak of how much you missed the ancient cistern, and he’d bring you its water. He’d gather the fruit of the Faron woods, making into pies and jam and alcohol for you to feed off of. It wasn’t often, but he’d occasionally get you blood or meat. Not common, he didn’t want to raise concerns, but he knew the spirits would strengthen you. You may have only had a one man clergy, but he was loyal to a fault. He cleared the surface of monsters so you could roam freely, basking in the moonlight as your fingers brushed the grass. His favorite gift to you came in the form of a plume of crimson feathers. You were quite oblivious to the meaning behind the exchange, instead cooing over the bright colors and imagining the majesty of the bird it came from. But he knew that maybe then the other half of his spirit —as the people said— would mingle with your own to care for you as much as you did him. Bound to you perhaps by fate and now with the matrimony of his gift to you, no longer would you lay forgotten to the world. He’d build an empire in your honor if it would be your wish. He’d kill the goddess who subdued you if it were your ruling. Afterall, he was prophesied to kill a deity.

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

A Fresh Start [9]

Din Djarin x F!Reader

Warnings: a bit of a longer one, sorry if that’s not your forte, reader has nightmares involving being attacked, traumatic past, scar, fake name mentioned

Word Count: 6,275

Summary: When   you made plans for your future they never involved being hired by a  Mandalorian to baby-sit his adorable, green gremlin of a child.    However, after your life fell apart in the span of one disastrous   night,  you found it to be the only feasible option you had left. Nevarro was a  far cry from Coruscant, but the thriving community  turned  out to be  exactly what you needed. Every day you spend in Nevarro you  fall more  and more in love with your new life, but when  your past rears  its ugly  head you find that perhaps peace wasn’t meant  for everyone.

Ch. #09: BUIR, GROGU, MA

Chapter Summary: ‘There is no one else, there will be no one else, it’s only you’.

     “Have you ever noticed how  

     wanting  

     burns you up  

     from the inside out?  

     Like one moment I am whole,  

     but then I hear  

     your voice on the phone  

     and I swear to God  

     three blocks away from here  

     they can smell smoke.”  

 As if you hadn’t already felt at home with Grogu and Mando, by the end of the month you couldn’t fathom how you once lived without them. The places you’ve lived prior— Coruscant before and after the incident, Tatooine where you chose to hide— you realized now you’d hadn’t truly been living. Even at your prime, a young recently out of training physician with the world at her fingertips, there had been a hole. You spent so much time busy, trying to reach your goals, that you let other aspects slips away. You didn’t regret the work you put in, you didn’t regret being independent, but you didn’t know a home could feel so… perfect. And, that’s what your life in Nevarro was. It was perfect.

 Grogu was thriving in school. Every day he seemed to know a new word in Basic and he had made so many friends. The routine of your life would look repetitive to someone on the outside looking in, but by the Maker did you adore every second of it. Mando had permanently decided to change the time he went into work. He assured you it had nothing to do with not trusting you and him just wanting to be there for Grogu. So, every week day morning the two of you would walk Grogu to school and then you’d walk Mando to work.

 And Mando was…

 You loved Grogu. Arguably to a fault. You weren’t sure how the ‘nanny rules of professionalism’ worked but growing so attached to the child in your care had to be frowned upon in some way. Crushing on the child’s father was also hugely frowned upon you’d guess, but it hadn’t stopped you. Mando was… Mando.

 It was hard to put it into words, or maybe you were just too scared to try, but something about him spoke to your soul. Before coming to Nevarro, you had never put much thought or faith into soulmates. Even now the idea made you marginally cringe with how cheesy and dorky you sounded, but it was possibly the simplest explanation. There was something about the make up of your cells and atoms that just called to him. You felt better in his presence. Happier. Safer. Cared for. Seen. Mando listened when you spoke, truly listened, and he seemed to remember every detail you offered him. Food preferences, favorites, old memories, fun facts. The heavy beskar seemed to soak up every detail and though he may not have been a man of many words, he was a man of action.  Mando didn’t hesitate to show you how much he appreciated you, and with every kind action you were falling harder and harder.

 You had it bad.

 Nima teased you relentlessly about him, and you constantly reminded her that this was as far as it could go. A simple crush. A longing. At the end of the day, though your feelings had evolved, he was still your boss. Mando was paying you to watch Grogu, paying you to live in his home, paying you to be present. The fact that he was willing to cross that line and be friends was blessing enough. You couldn’t push any further and risk ruining what you had. If you lost Grogu and Mando because you were too stupid to swallow your emotions you’d never forgive yourself.

 It was a fact you constantly had to remind yourself of.

 “Why would you come hang out with me only to sit there and daydream about the Marshal?” Nima complained. You glanced her way to see her wearing a comical pout.

 “I am not— ” You began, but Nima stared you down with a knowing look. You shifted in your seat and moved on from the flimsy excuse. “Shouldn’t you be working?”

 Nima was seated on the floor working on some kind of engine looking machine while you sat a few feet away on a crate. She shrugged. “Yeah, but you were supposed to keep me entertained while I work.”

 “Well, sorry to disappoint.” You rose from your seat as you noted the time. “You’re really gonna pout now since I have to go.”

 “What, why??” Nima asked. You pointed to the large clock on the garage wall that indicated it was nearly 3PM. She startled. “Oh kriff, Peli is gonna kill me. I was supposed to have this done half an hour ago!”

 You laughed at her panic and tossed her a half hearted goodbye before walking out of the garage. Mando was able to walk Grogu to school everyday with you, but you were primarily in charge of pick up since he couldn’t always get off of work for that. Rarely ever.  

 As you waited for the kids to get out, you casually held conversation with the other parents standing near you. You had gotten to know a few pretty well. Especially the ones who Grogu had befriended their kid. Another person you had gotten to know was Grogu’s teacher. Ms. Wynn was sunshine personified and you assumed that helped in her role as teacher to a class of rowdy, small children. Grogu loved her and when she asked for volunteers around class or with extra work you stepped up. Partly to be more involved with anything surrounding Grogu, and also because you sure as hell had the time.

 Ms. Wynn stepped out to release the class and you drifted closer to say hello to her while also picking up Grogu. Grogu, realizing you were coming closer to do so, didn’t bother checking with his teacher and instead leapt toward you as soon as you were close enough. You pulled him into a tight hug that he returned with gusto.

 “How was school, baby?” You cooed.

 “Fun! Play with Poe!” Grogu chirped. Poe was his favorite friend in school. You had the little boy over for play dates a few weekends alongside his parents.

 “Good.” You peppered light kisses to his face to make him squirm and giggle at the onslaught. Ms. Wynn stepped closer and greeted you. “Hey! How’re you?”

 She chuckled. “I’m doing well thank you for asking.” Ms. Wynn raised an eyebrow at Grogu. “Grogu, what are the rules about leaving the line? You’re supposed to check with me first, aren’t you?”

 Grogu nodded. “Sorry.”

 He still had a hard time pronouncing the letter ‘R’ which had the word come out sounding like ‘W’s but he was improving. Though he apologized, nothing about the way he bounced in your arms was apologetic.

 “That’s probably more my fault.” You winced. “My bad.”

 “It happens.” She shrugged. “There’s a little activity I put in his bag for him to do. We’re discussing families so I asked the kids to draw their own families.” Ms. Wynn tickled his belly. “Grogu told us all about his Uncle Boba and Aunt Fennec.”

 Those were names you vaguely recognized when Mando pointed out the figures in Grogu’s drawings. Maybe you’d ask for more detail tonight and where they were specifically. The two of you said goodbye to Ms. Wynn and you began to walk away from the school.

 “Hmm, I’m thinking that a good boy like you deserves a treat.” You hummed and his ears perked up. “Wanna stop for some ice cream?”

 “ ‘lek! ‘lek! Please!” Grogu went ecstatic in your arms as he tried to crawl out of your grip to beat you to the small shop you’d have to pass on your way home. You sighed contentedly and didn’t bother trying to mask the wide grin on your features.

 Din Djarin was happy. More than happy, he was at peace. He spent so much of his life traveling alone, keeping to himself, and trying not to want for more. He had been so focused on earning credits from bounties to pass along to the Armorer as offering to the foundlings at the covert that he didn’t let any other want or need enter his mind. It wasn’t until Grogu came into his life that he began to realize how much he wanted a family. He was tired of being alone. His earliest memories were of his parents. Flashes of a life on Aq Vetina before the world around him crumbled to ash. Memories of his mother holding him, singing him to sleep, and of his father playing with him, holding him on his shoulders so he could reach the sky. That’s what Din wanted more than anything. That was the deep secret he had buried years and years ago and refused to think about.

 When Grogu became his, Din had let himself dream of a better life. That better life didn’t involve anything further than being a father though. Realistically, he couldn’t imagine finding anything more. Being Grogu’s father was already more than he deserved⏤ Din thought it foolish to think he’d want for anything else. He was settled. Content. Then, as if to specifically prove him wrong, the universe led you into the station that first day with Nima.

 Din had no idea, no way of knowing, how important you would grow to be to him. With every single day that passed, every single moment, he found the roots of your presence twisting deeper and deeper into his soul⏤ twisting into every aspect of him. Suddenly, Din didn’t want some vague white picket fence life. No, he wanted you. The Maker could appear before him and offer him the galaxy on a platter, the supposed picture perfect life, but if it didn’t involve you he didn't want it. Din was falling for you more and more every single moment of every single day, and as if he didn’t have it bad enough watching you with Grogu melted him into a puddle.

 Din would cross the universe, fight any adversary in the galaxy, for the honor of coming home to you and Grogu every night for the rest of his life. The thought of calling you his⏤ Maker, Din didn’t have the strength to stay on that line of thought for very long. Not publicly at least. He could only afford to give into weakness in the dead of night. Din would let you flood his thoughts when he was alone. It was all he could afford. It was all he could do. You were only in his life because he was paying you. That’s what he kept reminding himself of. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept him from giving in⏤ from pulling you into his arms so he could feel how soft your skin felt, what sounds you’d make, rather than just imagining it in a moment of weakness alone in the shower.

 However, Din would never put Grogu’s happiness at risk. He loved you, you loved him. Din wanted you to stay in his son’s life for as long as he could have you, and the idea of ruining that made him sick to his stomach. Din had never been in a real relationship. He had been with others in the past, but nothing serious or long lasting and that’s what Din wanted from you. Not just sex, not just a fling, he wanted a life. He wanted everything. And, as if the fact that he was your employer wasn’t enough, Din didn’t trust that he could do that right. You deserved the entire world, and Din wasn’t sure he was capable of giving that.

 The point was that he would do anything and everything to keep his life exactly how it was right now. He wanted no sort of change, no risk of it even, which was exactly why he didn’t hesitate before telling Greef Karga no.

 “Mando,” Karga shook his head, “You didn’t even pause to think.”

 “I don’t need to.” Din shrugged. Karga had called him into his office to discuss matters. While Karga sat at his desk with wide and confused eyes, Din simply leaned against the wall resting his hands on his belt.

 Karga rose from his seat. “The bounty pucks I’m offering you are beyond⏤”

 “I don’t care.” Din said. He tilted his head, “I didn’t know you were still involved with the guild at all, High Magistrate Karga.”

 “Not like before, nothing like before!” Karga waved away his words. “Just passing out a few pucks here and there. Only to the best that I know.” He motioned his arms out to him. “And that’s you, Mando!”

 “You offered me the position of Marshal here.” Din argued. “It’s difficult to be Marshal when I’m on a different planet.”

 Karga shook his head. “The bounties would be short term. Just here and there. You recruited Dune and Mayfeld. They can keep an eye on things while you pick up a bounty or two, surely?” Din didn’t bother offering a response. He had made himself plenty clear. Karga stepped closer. “It’s simple stuff for high value. I’m talking about someone who skipped bail for a price you wouldn’t believe. A man who⏤”

 “No, Karga.” Din replied. “Now, are we done?”

 “I suppose.” Karga sighed and threw his hands up in defeat.

 Din nodded once before pushing off the wall and making his leave. He had taken a lot of risks throughout his life as a bounty hunter, but this was one risk he was not willing to make. You and Grogu were much, much too important to him.

 You leaned against the island counter reading the assignment Ms. Wynn had told you about. It was simple enough. She just wanted the kids to draw out their family and label them. Thinking it over, you may have to find some larger poster of some kind for him to use. Grogu may not have had a lot of immediate, blood related family, but he had no shortage of people who loved him. He had aunties and uncles galore.

 “Fruit!” Grogu was holding his stuffed frog to his chest as he waddled into the kitchen. You glanced down at him with a smile, and he began to jump around your legs. “Fruit, fruit, fruit.”

 “Okay, okay, you little womp rat.” You laughed and wandered to the fridge. There were already some cut up pieces from this morning that you could hand over to him. You pulled it out then dug a small bowl out of the cabinet to transfer it over for him. After grabbing a fork, you turned back to him. “Alright, I’ll trade you. You give me froggie and I’ll give you fruit.” You were attempting to keep froggie from needing another wash knowing Grogu would get the sticky fruit juice all over it. “Deal?”

 “Mhmm.” Grogu nodded and held up the frog. You knelt down to take it and handed over the fruit. Grogu took it happily, then titled his head at you. “V’ore, Ma!”

 Your brain began to short circuit as Grogu just waddled away. Had he just⏤? ‘V’ore’ meant thanks. You knew that. You racked your brain for a Mando’a word that sounded like ‘Ma’. That had to be Mando’a, right? He couldn’t have possibly just⏤ You scrambled around the kitchen island to reach Grogu who had settled on the floor amongst his toys and drawings to eat. “Grogu, Grogu, baby.” You sat in front of him. “What did you⏤ I⏤” How did you even phrase this question? You shook your head. “Who am I? I’m Soran, right? Soran.”

 You said the name slowly to try and get him to repeat it, but Grogu just stared up at you like you were actively losing your mind. Maybe you were. Maybe you had misheard and this was just⏤

 “Ma.” Grogu blurted. “You Ma.” You blinked in shock. Denial still swirled in your head, trying to find some kind of reasoning, but Grogu set down his fruit to dig through his piles of paper. Some had drawings and some had letters in Basic and Mando’a that you had been practicing. He dug out a picture where he had obviously scribbled Mando holding him while you stood beside them. It was absolutely adorable, but your eyes stared wide at the labeling. Above Mando’s head he had written the word ‘buir’ in Mando’a, you recognized the lettering, above his own head he had scribbled his name, and above you he had written two simple letters. ‘MA’. Grogu offered you the paper with a happy chirp. “Buir, Grogu, Ma.”

 The first instinct you had was to smile and take the paper. You were honored that this small, precious child would see you in that kind of light. That he cared for you⏤loved you⏤ enough to give you that important of a label. The second emotion to overcome you was pure, absolute panic.

 “Oh, Maker.” You blurted. Slowly, as to not cause the boy to feel the nervous energy threatening to radiate off you, you stood and walked back to the kitchen with the picture in hand. The moment you reached the island counter, you used your communicator to reach out to Nima. She needed to be here. Now.

 It took ten minutes before there was a knock at the door and you jumped off the couch so fast that it caused Grogu to look up from what he was playing with. You yanked the door open to see Nima and Cara standing on the porch. “Cara?”

 “Is everything alright?” Nima pushed past you.

 Cara followed. “Grogu okay?”

 “He’s fine.” You shut the door and followed after them. When they saw Grogu playing in the living room they seemed to relax, and when the boy realized they were here he began to rush over to greet them excitedly. They reacted accordingly.

 “Hey, little guy!” Nima picked him up. Cara tickled him with a grin. They both turned to you and Nima was the first to question you. “What’s going on? Your message seemed panicked and you’re never panicked.”

 “Cara, why are you here?” You ignored Nima’s question to ask one of your own. “Did you guys tell Mando⏤”

 “Relax.” Cara held a hand up as if that would put a halt to your fried nerves. “It’s my day off. I was with Nima when you called.” You let out a sigh of relief, and Cara narrowed her eyes at you curiously. “What is going on, Soran? Did the kid eat another critter?”

 You shook your head. “No, it’s⏤”

 “Ma!” Grogu held his arms out to you.

 Nima and Cara both stared at Grogu in surprise.

 You sighed, “That.”

 Mando didn’t have a television in his home, but Nima had set up her communicator in the living room to play some kind of kid show. Grogu sat in front of it watching intently while snacking on more fruit. Meanwhile, you stood in the kitchen leaning against the counter while Nima and Cara sat at the barstools across from you. You had made them both a cup of caf.

 “He just started calling me it after we got back from school.” You rubbed the side of your face. The drawing Grogu had drawn sat on the counter between you and them.

 Nima nodded slowly. “Alright.” She took a long sip of her caf then narrowed her eyes at you. “And what’s the problem?”

 “Nima.” You snapped.

 The mechanic shrugged, “What? I don’t see the issue here. You’re basically his mom.”

 “I’m his nanny. There’s a difference.”

 They didn’t respond and you bit down on your lower lip. The problem wasn’t that Grogu was calling you ‘Ma’. It wasn’t even that he saw you as that kind of figure. Grogu was just a kid. Of course, he’d get confused about that. The problem was, it didn’t bother you.

 More than not bothering you, you kind of liked it.

 Cara let out a low whistle. “Well, I think we all know how Mando is gonna take this.”

 “Yeah,” You scoffed, “He’s gonna think I’m some psycho trying to steal his kid out of his life or something.”

 “Okay, maybe we don’t all know.” Cara mumbled.

 “Look, if you want him to stop you could just tell him.” Nima said. “He’s a smart kid.”

 That was probably the truth. Grogu was so smart. You were constantly impressed with what he was capable of. Even though he was only just learning how to communicate in Basic or Mando’a hadn’t meant he was capable of understanding. The problem you faced was more internal than external. You weren’t a mother. Far from it. You were a woman running from your past who fell into a situation where you got offered the job of being a nanny for a local Marshal. The job turned into so much more⏤ more than you had ever dreamed. But, enjoying a casual life with Mando and Grogu was different than how hearing the word ‘Ma’ felt to you.

A nanny was temporary, a mother was permanent.

 “I have to tell him.” You shook your head.

 “And you can in…” Nima looked at her watch, “About two hours.”

 “No. I gotta go see him right now.”

 “Why?”

 You gave them a deadpanned look, “Because I want him to know the whole story rather than him walking through the door and hearing his son refer to me as his mother. I figure a little ‘heads up’ is indicated in this kind of situation.”  Nima and Cara shared a look before conceding to your point. “Alright. Can you keep an eye on Grogu while I run out?”

 “Sure.” Nima nodded. She looked to Cara who agreed with a nod of her own.

 You gave them your thanks then hurried around the kitchen counter and into the living room. You knelt by Grogu who, at your presence, perked up and began to point to the screen. “Fun, Ma!”

 “I know, baby.” You scrunched your nose. Calling him ‘baby’ probably hadn’t helped this situation. “I gotta run out for a minute, but Nima and Cara are going to stay here to hang out with you. Okay?”

 “ ‘lek.” Grogu nodded. You started to stand, but Grogu held his hands up in a familiar way. You hesitated for a second then hated that you did. With a smile, you leaned down to rest your forehead against Grogu’s lovingly.

 When you did stand, you realized Nima and Cara were both staring at you from the kitchen and when you met their eyes they both shot you a look amusement. You huffed at them and went for the door. You needed to tell Mando about this and more importantly you really, really needed to hear what he thought.

 Mayfeld was talking about some date he had the night previously, and if Din were being honest he wasn’t retaining a word. He wasn’t trying to ignore the man or zone out, Din just couldn’t focus. Between Karga offering him bounties as if that were still his life, and dealing with a scuffle between a handful of bounty hunters on the landing pad⏤ Din’s day had been kriffing annoying. He just wanted to be home. With Cara being off today, he couldn’t justify leaving early. Especially since Mayfeld was on call tonight so if he left now the man would be working on his own for longer than anyone deserved.

 “She was all over me, Mando. You should’ve seen it.” Mayfeld bragged.

 “I’m sure.” Din nodded plainly.

 When they entered the station, Cecilia, the human receptionist, called out to him. “Marshal.” He paused and Mayfeld did as well. “Soran is waiting for you in your office.”

 Din felt his shoulders relax. This was exactly what he needed. “When did her and Grogu get⏤”

 “No. It’s just Soran.” She said. As quickly as his ease had come, it was gone. You would never leave Grogu alone. He went with you everywhere when he wasn’t at school. “She looked kind of nervous.”

 That was all it took. Mayfeld called out to him, but Din was barreling down the hall to his office. His door was shut and it took all the self control he had to simply open it rather than accidentally break it down in the process of trying to get to you. What was going on? Was Grogu hurt? When the door swung open, you jumped up from where you sat on the couch. Just as Cecilia said, you looked troubled. Your lips were turned down in a worried frown and you squirmed in place.

 “Grogu?” He crossed the space to you.

 “No, he’s fine. I swear.” You said quickly and Din let out a breath of relief. “He’s at home with Nima and Cara right now. Everything is alright. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 That was exactly what he had felt. Din was scared. The thought of anything happening to Grogu, anything happening to you, filled his veins with ice. Hearing Grogu was alright calmed him marginally, but it still didn’t explain why you were here alone or why you looked so nervous. Din closed the last bit of space to set his hands on your shoulder.

 “Cyar’ika,” He breathed, “What is going on? Are you okay?”

 “Yeah, I just⏤ I needed to talk to you.” You mumbled. Din nodded and waited for you to continue. “I’m just not sure… I wanted to… I needed to talk to you about this before you got home tonight, and I wanted you to hear it from me rather than…”

 You were wringing your hands and every word out of your mouth made him more and more worried. Din released your arms to go back and close the door to this office. When he returned, he carefully maneuvered you to sit on the couch again. He settled down beside you and let his hand rest on your back. Din let his thumb rub the spot where it laid.

 “Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.” Din said as reassuringly as he could despite being on edge himself. “But you have to talk to me, cyar’ika. What is wrong?”

 You locked your jaw and at the sight of it Din wanted to lifted his hand and caress the side of your face⏤ try to soothe your tension. Finally, you shifted in place to face him further, your knee now pressed against his. “At school, the kids are talking about families. Familial roles. Aunt, Uncle, Cousin.” You twisted your lips. “Dad, mom.” Din nodded. “When we got home today, I was making Grogu a snack. He asked for fruit so I got it for him, and when I gave it to him he… he…” You paused and Din pressed his hand more firmly against your back. You sighed, “Mando, he called me ‘Ma’.”

 Din was at a loss for words. Grogu had… Grogu called you… This news should not affect him the way it did, but Maker, he felt like his temperature rose multiple degrees. He was cooking inside the beskar and his mouth went dry. The thought of his son seeing you as a maternal figure completed that family image he tried so hard not to think about. Before he could reign in his mind, he pictured crossing the room to lock the door. Everyone in the office knew not to bother him when the door was shut unless it was an emergency⏤ just in case his helmet was off. And dank farrik he wanted to take off his helmet. He wanted to rip it off, toss it across the room, and pull you into him⏤ taste you. The imagery caused Din to suck in a sharp breath. You must have misunderstood his reaction, because your panic increased.

 “I swear to the Maker, Mando, I didn’t tell him to do that.” You said. “It⏤It just happened. I didn’t really react because I didn’t want to worry Grogu, he’s so good at picking up on emotions, but the last thing I wanted was for you to come home and hear him call me ‘Ma.’” It’s funny you said that because that was ten thousand percent exactly what he wanted. “I kind of hoped maybe it was some Mando’a word I didn’t recognize and asked him to clarify, asked him who I was, but then he…”

 You sighed and shifted to pull out a folded piece of paper out of your pocket. You held it out to him and Din could see a slight tremble in your fingers. In all his euphoria of finding out Grogu saw you as a mother figure, he forgot to analyze your emotions entirely. You were nervous and scared. This had shaken you. He took the paper from you but kept his hand on yours for a second longer hoping the weight of his would ground you. When the tremble stopped, he pulled away to open the paper. It was one of Grogu’s drawings. It was of Din, his son, and you. All labeled. Buir, Grogu, Ma. Din swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat.

 “I know this is a lot, and I really, really hope you’re not mad at me⏤” You began and Din stiffened at the thought. Mad at you? “But if you could say something that would be great because I’ve said a lot of words and you haven’t and the more I say the more nervous I get.”

 Din only realized then he hadn’t said a single word. As cute as he always found your rambling, he hated how worried you were. He set the drawing down on the other side of him, with full plans to hang that one up by the others, then took your hands in his. Din wanted to take off his gloves⏤ wanted to feel your skin. Even behind the closed door of his office though, he resisted.

 “You have said a lot of words.” He tried to keep his amusement of of his voice. Din didn’t want you to think you were being teased. “But, in all those words, you only said you were worried about how I would feel.” Din squeezed your hand. “How do you feel, cyar’ika? Do you… Do you not want him to call you that?”

 You blinked in surprise, as if you hadn’t expected him to ask that, “I…It’s not that. I⏤” Your face crumpled and you closed your eyes as if in pain. For the second time since you entered, Din had to hold back from cupping your face. “I liked it too much, Mando.” Din bit back another sharp breath. Dank farrik, he was trying so hard to be a good man, but you were making it very, very hard. You opened your eyes again. “You’re paying me to be his nanny, and I know neither of us knew anything about the nanny gig when I started, but this has to be against the rules.”

 “What rules?”

 “I don’t know. The nanny rules?” You shook your head. “I⏤ You and Grogu are so important to me, Mando. Maybe I’m overstepping by saying that, but it’s the honest to maker truth.” Din bit down on the inside of his cheek. “I don’t want to risk what we have right now. I love it. I was just afraid if you heard him call me ‘Ma’ you’d think I was trying to⏤ to⏤ I don’t know... steal him away or force myself into your lives more than I was supposed to.”

 Din finally settled enough that he could find his voice. Everything you said about them being important to you mirrored entirely how he felt, and some optimistic part of him wondered if that meant you could possibly feel the same way. He shoved that aside. It was too much to ask for⏤ hope for. Din, maybe being the one to overstep bounds now, slowly pulled a hand away from yours and let it drift closer to you. He moved slow enough to give you the opportunity to stop him, but when you didn’t he let his hand settled on the side of your neck, his thumb resting by your ear. “Listen to me.” You leaned into his glove and he had to take a slow breath. “I am… overjoyed that Grogu sees you that way. He deserves more in his life than just me⏤”

 “Mando⏤”

 “Cyar’ika.” Din didn’t let you interrupt him. “As long as you’re comfortable with it, I don’t want you to step outside your comfort zone, but I would love to hear him use the word ‘Ma’. If anyone in his life is deserving of that title, it’s you. I couldn’t ask for a better mother for Grogu.”

 Your eyes began to water and Din was terrified he said the wrong thing. Had he made this worse? He opened his mouth again to try and backpedal, but you lunged forward and wrapped your arms around his neck in a tight hug. It took a second for him to register the movement, but he let his own arms pull you in tightly to his chest. He wished he didn’t have his helmet on. He wanted to bury his face against the side of yours, press his lips to your temple to reassure you further, but this was enough for him. If this was all he could have, he’d treasure every second of it.

 Din felt you start to pull back and he loosened his grip so you could. When you were out of his reach, he realized the tears that had filled your eyes streaked down your cheeks. Distress filled him at the sight, but you let out a laugh that relieved it. You wiped the tears off your face with a shake of your head.

 “I’m so sorry. I’m such a mess.” You mumbled.

 “You apologize too much.” He replied and used his thumb to catch a stray tear you had missed.

 You shrugged. “Bad habits die hard.” After a beat, you frowned again. “You know, we don’t know how long I’ll be working for you,” Din held back a snort. Was ‘forever’ an option? “But, what happens when you meet someone and it gets serious? Technically she’d be Grogu’s⏤”

 “We’ll cross that bridge if we get there.” Din interrupted. It was a better answer than ‘There is no one else, there will be no one else, it’s only you’.

 Your smile returned and your nose scrunched, “Can I hug you again?”

 “You never have to ask, cyar’ika.” Din replied. You leaned forward to wrap your arms around him once more and Din didn’t hesitate to immediately pull you as close as he physically could.

 The entire house was quiet as you laid in bed staring up at the ceiling with a small smile on your face. Ma. Grogu saw you as his mother. You hadn’t been lying to Mando when you said you liked this far too much. Speaking long term, you may have been setting yourself up for failure. Mando seemed unconcerned about the future, but what would happen the day they no longer needed a nanny? What would happen the day Mando found a riddur? Still, knowing that these were things that could blow up in your face one day didn’t stop you⏤ didn’t even slow you down. Things were too perfect now for you to give up.

 You shifted in bed and took in a deep breath. Mando hadn’t been called into work during the middle of the night since that first time. It was odd. A part of you wished he would get called away just because it meant you could sleep in his bed once more, but the idea of him being out in danger made you nauseous. No matter how bad you wanted the opportunity to lay beside him and Grogu, you’d never take it over the risk of him getting hurt. You’d sleep in your bed, alone, and just dream. Spending your daylight hours with them was more than you had the right to ask for.

     Your throat was raw from screaming. Panic and adrenaline filled your body. Fear gripped your soul. You screamed and screamed and screamed, but nobody was coming. Why couldn’t anyone hear you? Why wasn’t anyone coming to save you? You fought. It wasn’t in your nature to give up, but you were wondering if it was worth the fight. Your hands tried to keep the blade from digging into your flesh⏤ deeper and deeper⏤ but all the blood made your grip too slick. You screamed, but you had no voice left.  

     “It was all your fault.” No, no. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. You loved her. You loved Soran. You did everything you could do. “She died because of you.” You thought you had saved her. You thought she was going to be okay. Everything went so badly, so quickly. “You took her from me.” Your hands slipped again, the blade sunk in further⏤ it tore through flesh and muscles, it dug into bone. “You deserve this.” Maybe he was right. You had been her doctor. Maybe you could’ve done more. Maybe, just maybe, this was the universe’s way of serving justice. Soran was gone and it was your fault. You sobbed as your vision began to go dark. He lifted the blade only to dig it in once more.  

     “You deserve to die.”  

 You shot up in bed, panting and breathless. A cold sweat collected at the back of your neck. Your hands lifted to your chest, but you didn’t find bloody wounds. Only an ugly scar. A hiccuped sob slipped from your lips and you quickly covered your mouth to muffle the sound.

 Life had been too perfect.

 Of course, Kurt would come back to haunt you.

[newskin4theoldceremony]

DARKNESS AT THE BREAK OF NOON SHADOWS EVEN THE SILVER SPOON THE HANDMADE BLADE THE CHILDS BALLON ECLIPSE BOTH THE SUN AND MOON TO UNDERSRAND YOU KNOW TOO SOON THERE IS NOW SENSE IN TRYING POINTED THREATS THEY BLUFF WITH SCORN SUICIDE REMARKS ARE TORN FROM THE FOOLS GOLD MOUTHPIECE THE HOLLOW HORN PLAYS WASTED WORDS PROVES TO WARN THAT HE NOT BUSY BEING BORN IS BUSY DYING TEMPTATIONS PAGE FLIES OUT THE DOOR YOU FOLLOW FIND YOURSELF AT WAR WATCH WATERFALLS OF PITY WAR YOU FEEL TO MOAN BUT UNLIKE BEFORE YOU’D DISCOVER THAT YOU’D JUST BE ONE MORE PERSON CRYING SO DON’T FEAR IF YOU HEAR A FORIEGN SOUND TO YOUR EAR ITS ALRIGHT MA I’M ONLY SIGHING AS SOME WARN VICTORY SOME DOWNFALL PRIVATE REASONS GREAT OR SMALL CAN BE SEEN IN THE EYES OF THOSE WHO CALL THAT MAKE ALL THAT SHOULD BE KILLED TO CRAWL WHILE OTHERS SAY DON’T HATE NOTHING AT ALL EXCEPT HATRED DISILLUSIONED WORDS LIKE BULLETS BARK AS HUMAN GODS AIM FOR THEIR MARK MAKE EVERYTHING FROM TOY GUNS THAT SPARK TO FLESH COLORED CHRISTS THAT GLOW IN THE DARK IT’S EASY TO SEE WITHOUT LOOKING TO FAR THAT NOT MUCH IS REALLY SACRED WHILE PREACHERS PREACH OF EVEIL FATES TEACHERS TEACH THAT KNOWLEDGE WAITS CAN LEAD TO HUNDRED DOLLAR PLATES GOODNESS HIDES BEHIND ITS GATES BUT EVEN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES SOMETIMES MUST HAVE TO STAND NAKED AND ALTHOUGH THE RULES OF THE ROAD HAVE BEEN LODGED ITS ONLY PEOPLES GAMES YOU GOT TO DODGE AND ITS ALRIGHT MA I CAN MAKE IT ADVERTISING SIGNS THAT CON YOU INTO THINKING YOURE THE ONE THAT CAN DO WHATS NEVER BEEN DONE THAT CAN WIN WHATS NEVER BEEN WON MEANWHILE LIFE OUTSIDE GOES ON ALL AROUND YOU YOU LOSE YOURSELF YOU REAPPEAR YOU SUDDENLY FIND YOUVE GOT NOTHING TO FEAR ALONE YOU STAND WITH NOBODY NEAR WHEN A TREMBLING DISTANT VOICE UNCLEAR STARTLES YOUR SLEEPING EARS TO HEAR THAT SOMEBODY THINKS THEY REALLY FOUND YOU A QUESTION IN YOUR NERVES IS LIT YET YOU KNOW THERE IS NO ANSWER FIT TO SATISFY ENSURE YOU NOT TO QUIT TO KEEP IT IN YOUR MIND AND NOT FORGET THAT IT IS NOT HE OR SHE OR THEM OR IT THAT YOU BELING TO BUT THOUGH THE MASTERS MAKE THE RULES FOR THE WISE MEN AND THE FOOLS I GOT NOTHING MA TO LIVE UP TO FOR THEM THEY MUST OBEY AUTHORITY THAT THEY DO NOT RESPECT IN ANY DEGREE WHO DESPISE THEIR JOBS THEIR DESTINY SPEAK JEALOUSY OF THEM THAT ARE FREE DO WHAT THEY DO JUST TO BE NOTHING MORE THAN SOMETHING THEY INVEST IN WHILE SOME ON PRINCIPLES BAPTIZED TO STRICT PARTY PLATFORM TIES SOCAIL CLUBS IN DRAG DISGUISE OUTSIDERS THEY CAN FREELY CRITICIZE TELL NOTHING BUT WHK TO IDOLIZE AND SAY GOD BLESS HIM WHILE ONE WHO SINGS WITH HIS TONGUE ON FIRE GARGLES IN THE RAT RACE CHOIR BENT OUT OF SHAPE FROM SOCIETYS PLIERS CARES NOT TO COME UP ANY HIGHER BUT RATHER GET YOU DOWN IN THE HOLE THAT HES IN BUT I MEAN NO HARM NOR PUT FAULT ON ANYONE THAT LIVES IN A VAULT BUT ITS ALRIGHT MA IF I CAN PLEASE HIM OLD LADY JUDGES WATCH PEOPLE IN PAIRS LIMITED IN SEX THEY DARE TO PUSH FAKE MORAL INSULT AND STARE WHILE MONEY DOESNT TALK IT SWEARS OBSCENITY WHO REALLY CARES PROPAGANDA ALL IS PHONY WHILE THEM THAT DEFEND WHAT THEY CANNOT SEE WITH KILLERS PRIDE SECURITY IT BLOWS THE MIND MOST BITTERLY FOR THEM THAT THINK DEATH’S HONESTY WON’T FALL UPON ‘EM NATURALLY LIFE SOMETIMES MUST GET LONELY MY EYES COLLIDE HEAD ON WITH STUFFED GRAVEYARDS FALSE GOALS I SCUFF AT PETTINESS WHICH PLAYS SO ROUGH WALKED UPSIDE DOWN INSIDE HANDCUFFS KICK MY LEGS TO CRASH IT OFF SAY OKAY I’VE HADE ENOUGH WHAT ELSE CAN YOU SHOW ME AND IF MY THOUGHT DREAMS CAN BE SEEN THEYD PROBABLY PUT MY HEAD IN A GUILLOTINE

BUT ITS ALRIGHT MA IT’S LIFE AND LIFE ONLY

[simpliao]

Hi! I just started following you and oh my god you JSchlatt fics are so good, I can’t get enough!!! If you’re taking requests right now, I’d like to ask for a little protective Schlatt! With the internet being what it is, I can imagine that maybe it wouldn’t be to kind to Schlatt’s SO. Or maybe you might have another scenario in mind? Again, thank you so much for all your writing, it makes my day!!! ❤️

i will shoot you dead ; (irl) schlatt x reader

summary : he couldn't give a shit what people say about him; what actually irritates him is when those assholes involve people that have nothing to do with whatever they're bullshitting about. he's made it a point not to involve his personal life, but when it gets leaked and his s/o gets targeted; he isn't fucking happy.

info : swearing, protective schlatt, pet names, she/her, afab reader, mentions of harassment and death threats, and fluff.

a/n : this was such a good idea i couldn't pass up ah, thank you so much for enjoying ! i am and attempting to post around every two/three days but school is just starting so i'm unsure how well i'll manage. to everyone else that requested, still working on it so apologizes that they are semi-late ! hope this also lives up to your expectations.

Being rich at twenty-three was a blessing and a curse, since he acquired all his wealth from being an Internet personality so to speak. Having what should have been a hobby bare so much fruit wasn't without its issues, and the drawback was most definitely the fame. People in his business, attempting to figure out his name and address, outraged from jokes and pretending that they understand him to a personal level; he was grateful for the normal ones, but one outspoken psycho made him rethink all his life choices.

It was never the audience's right to know or interact with his private life, to the creators that do let their fans have that window into their life was a privilege, not a right. So he never did tell anyone past his close circle of friends of his lover, Y/n, a blue collared worker not high up within her company but making good money to be independent. To Schlatt, she was his own little slice of heaven, always giving him the right kind of realistic advice while could always acknowledge and take in account his own feelings.

To some: she might be considered perfectly average, but he saw beyond the rest, she was more than just a pretty face anyways. He adored her ambition to work her hardest and larger than life aspirations. Despite knowing of the kind of money her boyfriend possessed, she never dared asked for a penny; he appreciated that she wanted her own individual success that came from her and not from outside sources. Being that she was also probably one of the most appreciate human beings he's ever had the chance to meet just added to her charm; she never let him so much as pay for a coffee without him hearing a thousand and one thank yous. She was his to love and adore, no one else should have been mixed up in their lives.

She had absolutely zero internet presence, and he liked it that way. Since she wasn't big into the public sphere she wouldn't be caught up in all the bullshit that followed him. Many people despised him despite not having spoken to or even knowing him beyond his flamboyant internet persona; it was fucking stupid, usually they never really bothered him no matter how much they so desperately wanted to cancel him and throw him off the internet. That's where he thought it ended, they despised him, they couldn't logically harass people that possible know him, right? Wrong.

'uh, schlatt? I'm getting a lot of emails about you coming to my work email. Did you tell people about my job or anything?'

Being that for almost the past decade most if not all of his friends had taken to calling him by his last name it eventually became used more or less so by everyone in his life more than his real one. It wasn't that his girlfriend didn't know his name or hadn't asked, she also enjoyed the sound of it and ended up being the default thing she'd call him.

The text itself was unusual, he wasn't even sure if he knew her work email let alone tell it to other people.

'What? No. I don't even know your email. What are they saying?'

'I have it in my LinkedIn profile, they're asking what's my relationship to you. Some are threatening to message my higher-ups claiming I'm a racist? They keep linking me back to Twitter. I can't work when my important emails are drowned out in this. I had one threatening to come where I work and hurt me.'

'Listen, sweetheart, I'm so sorry I really didn't think that they'd find you. I'll do my best to fix this, I'll come pick you up from work today too so don't leave the building until I arrive.'

A spark of rage ignited from within him, he was sure to be careful about not revealing her identity or even mentioning much about her. He knew how bad these people could get and how low they would stoop because they had no lives and just wanted to get the better of him; he wanted to protect her and now all he felt like was a failure. He was quick to log into Twitter and type in 'Jschlatt Girlfriend' and it was almost immediate that he found the thread of the asshole that went as far as to dox him and figure out who and where Y/n was. "He is a bad person that deserves all the things coming to him." It was written with such conviction, as if dragging unrelated people into a stupid ass controversy about another testing-the-line joke he told. He didn't care what they did to him, but threatening to hurt those closest to him struck a nerve that made him want to do some... Fairly illegal things to these people.

So he hoped that most people had some common sense left, screen shotted the thread and the text from his lover and was quick to make a comment about it.

Say whatever the fuck you want about me. But actively try to dox and threaten my girlfriend when she has nothing to do with any of this bullshit online and I will shoot you dead. Fuck you.

He knew these saggy fuckers wouldn't dare try anything, not when they'd know he'd be right there waiting for them. Was he serious when he said he'd shoot them dead? Only half so. He wasn't scared to use the firearm that he kept at home for protection, and neither was he scared to do what he needed to for the sake of protecting the only bright spot in his life. She didn't deserve this. He knew the hate for him could get damn strong, and who knows who amongst them would be crazy enough to act on those words. He wasn't going to test it and he would clearly set the boundary; don't fuck with him in real life, or you have to deal with him in real life.

It can be said he was not in a good mood as he waited outside the glass skyscraper building for his girl, since the few hours that he tweeted out about the situation public opinion turned more into his favour. Although he still had those that were adamant that he was said bad person, vast majority agreed that the original poster of her information was the biggest asshole. The thread was deleted but he saved all the screenshots and had the username burned into his mind, may god save that asshole's soul should Schlatt ever get his hands on him.

Once he saw her exiting the azure-tinted building he was quick to slip his phone into his pocket and get out of the car, running up to the door to greet her. A sheepish smile graced her lips as she gave him a soft wave, he noticed how she wore his favourite blazer and skirt set and how gorgeous she looked in it, but a more important question left his lips first. "Are you okay?" A worried one captured her features, "yeah I am, you look so stressed out. I'm sorry if I worried you." He shook his head and took hold of the hand that reached up to cup his face, "don't apologize, if anything I should. Being involved with me got you in this." A sympathetic look flashed her features as he walked side-by-side with her, a soft smile growing to her own face.

"Don't beat yourself up about it, I reported it to HR and although it took a while to explain they made sure to notify security about it and I had one guy follow me around when I went out for lunch, he was nice about it too. I had to ask help how to set it so they'd all go to spam but we worked it out eventually. So, please, don't worry too much; I'll be okay I promise." He looked down to see her reassuring smile, he knew she'd worry more over him than her own safety. He knew working himself up was an overreaction, he doubted anything would happen; but should something do he wouldn't ever forgive himself. "So, don't shoot anyone?" His eyebrows shot up at this, "you saw my tweet?" Last time he checked this girl had an issue figuring out how to change her profile picture on instagram.

"Well, other people did. A lot of people caught wind that I was getting death threats so I ended up having to explain who you were and they found your Twitter. Please uh, don't kill anyone on my behalf?" An airy chuckle left him, as he knelt down to kiss her temple, "and leave you behind to go to jail, toots? You're gonna have to try harder than that if you want to get rid of me." Seeing his ease and cheeky grin come about, a sense of relief washed over her. "So then, you wanna go out to–" "no." "Huh, why?"

She separated from him for just a moment so she could get into the passenger's side of the car. "We can go out when this whole thing blows over. Until then I don't want you running out of sight." It may have sounded slightly demanding, but she knew that his anxiety must have been through the roof; overthinking was one of his flaws that they worked through together. It wasn't like it was all that big of a deal, chilling out at the apartment sounded just as nice. "Movie night then?" Her enthusiasm was infectious that he couldn't help but break a smile. "Yes, please."

[boundinparchment]

Con Clavi - II

You serve the church of the Tsaritsa, under Father Pantalone. Faith is a gift you received long ago but a certain heretical Harbinger is determined to push those boundaries. Il Dottore/Female Reader. Eventual Pantalone/Female Reader. Reader is a Canoness/Nun. Story is rated Explicit. Minors DNI. Religious symbolism, corruption, many many liberties, eventual smut. Dead Dove applies. Available on AO3 here.

Several weeks passed until the next time the Doctor stepped foot in the church.  A blessing you wished lasted for an eternity, for you had only just moved onto other topics of reflections that morning.  

Doubt was a familiar companion.  You knew its phrases, its steps, every logical pattern it wove against the teachings of the Tsaritsa.  Free will was a common argument made against faith, that humans were creatures with such high cognition that they could do as they saw fit and did not wear the yolk of the divine.  The reins of history were held in the hands of mankind, they liked to say.

But if that was the case, why did allogenes exist and were deemed to be blessed?  And why did their opposition come in the form of old god remains that took several teams to uncover, all of whom died in service, as though being punished for their sins?  

The Heavenly Principles were Her tools to wield and interpret as she saw fit.  If She wanted to hold Celestia close and sacrifice Her people, would that not be for a greater good?

Delusions were open secrets, like the indulgences Father Pantalone collected to reduce one’s punishments for forgiveness.  Those who wielded Delusions were the true soldiers of the Tsaritsa’s Will.

And your faith powered them.

The mechanics of it were, of course, lost to only those deep within the Tsaritsa’s inner circle, if even then.  

Considering the Doctor was the Second among them, he would understand the precise machinations and therefore his questions to you were nothing but pure curiosity.  Some said he hungered for knowledge in the same way a glutton hungered for food despite being full, arrogant to the point of insanity.  To have his attention was to have a rabid dog on your heels until you were caught, chewed, and spit back out.

Perhaps less like a dog and more like a snow leopard, you amended, when you looked up from your pupils and caught his tall figure in the doorway of the church library.  His steps were methodical, slow and calculated, the perfect pace and weight to ensure you heard him even if one did not look up from their studies.

Everyone else was out in service to the public or attending to their duties; the library was often empty for you to teach.  A Harbinger stalking through with no one else around was unexpected, alarming even.  Your heart hammered in your chest as though you were nothing more than a rabbit caught out of its den.

If Dottore was here, your students should not be, you assessed.  The last thing you needed was another student considering more blasphemous trains of thought after Father Pantalone’s intervention resulted in a speedy wedding last weekend.  Morale was low among your remaining students and if they were hesitant before, they were a little more distrustful now, understandably so.

Your skin crawled, icy patches fleeting over your cheeks and shoulders as they had against your shoulder blades that morning so long ago.  You once imagined the Tsaritsa’s gaze might feel that way, before you understood the warmth true faith provided.

You summarized your point and then said, “For next week, read through the letters thoroughly and provide an analysis from both perspectives.  Would you consider one more correct than the other?  Are there other examples we’ve discussed that provide further evidence or align with either one?  We’ll discuss your outlines in two days.”

Your tone indicated dismissal and you busied yourself with goodbyes, each of your students bowing low when they realized the other presence in the room as they left.

“You rushed your lesson,” the Harbinger said, not bothering with a greeting.  “Do you fear I intended to undermine you?”

“Hardly.  They simply need their focus on their studies; they can gossip when they’re out of my tutelage.   It would be an affront for me to assume you even wish to be in the presence of those undergoing non-secular education.”

Dottore chuckled as he pulled his shoulders back and stepped forward into the tucked away space between bookshelves, arms behind him.  The icy sensation finally ceased when his head turned to look around you, above you, where a stained glass image of a divine act sat.  

“You would do well in the Akademiya, Sister.  Your talent is wasted in these halls.”

His tone was sharp, a well-honed knife.  Sneznhaya had its own schools and universities thanks to the man before you, and few ever left to attend Sumeru’s hallowed halls unless it was deemed necessary.  After all, the nation was several centuries ahead of most of the Seven; why bother attending classes in a nation that had yet to master flight?

“What can I assist you with, Lord Harbinger?” you asked, tidying up the table.

“I simply wished to return a book to the good Father, but he appears to be out for the day.  Something about washing heads or kissing feet or some such nonsense.  I did not care for the explanation offered but dared not leave the material with Pantalone’s chamberlain.  If I must waste my time, I might as well have a look around.”

He rounded the corner of the table and came closer.  He was still a respectable distance away, only just, but if you shot out an arm, you could reach him with ease.  From here, you could smell lingering antiseptic and sweet mint.  Dottore picked up an errant book you still had on the table and read the spine, the slightest scoff passing his lips.

“Heloise and Abelard of Fontaine.  Fitting, for your perspective, Canonness.  Do you relate to their plight?”

He returned his covered gaze to you and tilted his head, an inquisitive raven like the ones you fed every morning.

Trying to get a reaction, you assumed.  You did not have the patience for games today.  Your faith was frayed enough and only beginning to cast light onto the shadowy doubts that plagued you as of late.

“Many do, my lord.  I find their philosophical differences to be a good vehicle for other discussions but I need not justify myself to one with a different…perspective on the world.”

The corner of his lip twitched and for a moment, you saw your entire existence flash before your eyes.  Lashing out with one’s tongue against one of the Tsaritsa’s finest, against one of her triumvirate?  Tantamount to cardinal sin.  Punishable by both revocation of divine rites and legal action if the injured party was insulted enough.

But instead, Dottore only laughed, shoulders shaking as if you’d told a joke at a cocktail party.  You felt his breath on your cheek as he reached over to put the book back into your neat pile, the cover facing you.  

“No, I suppose you do not.”

He turned his head and the heat was brief but unmistakable.  You knew the sensation but hadn’t felt it in more than a decade.  The last one you ever received had been hesitant, apologetic; this was soft, indulgent, exploratory.  A spark passed from his lips to yours and made your chest ache for more.

Your hand shot up and connected with his bare cheek.  The crack of your palm on his skin echoed through the library and bounced off the stone walls, a secret only shared with the books within its confines.  His head followed the impact, turning away and breaking the kiss.

Lord Dottore didn’t pull away immediately and you saw a wide, sharp-toothed smile accompany his angry cheek.  His skin was already red, the shape of your hand glowing right where you made contact.  You could barely breathe when his gaze settled on your (or so it felt).  His bow was nothing short of a mockery, hand over his heart as though he believed in the cause he supported.

“Thank you, Sister.  You’ve been most helpful.”

The words were spoken as if you’d delivered a speech most insightful and you ignored your burning lips as you genuflected a farewell.

Your heart hammered in your chest long after the door to the library slammed shut and then it stopped, just once, at the notion of being alone .  

How you wished you could carve it out of your body with nothing but the nearby pen.

[rinadragomir]

It's me trying to convince y'all to get invested in the Sword Catcher, read it all cause I tried!

1) I need someone to talk about it + see your theories/memes/edits, I NEED MY FRIENDS IN THIS FANDOM okay?!

2) listen, we have to wait about 2 years before The Wicked Powers, let's try to distract ourselves with something exciting!!

Reviews from George Martin (my beloved, listen, this man knows a good fantasy book when he sees one, trust him), Holly Black and Leigh Bardugo

Synopsis (read the full detailed version here):

In the vibrant city-state of Castellane, a young orphan named Kel is stolen from his old life to enter a new one of luxury and peril. He’s to become Prince Conor Aurelian’s body-double, shielding the Prince from all dangers. As his ‘Sword Catcher,’ he and Conor become close as brothers – yet Kel lives for one purpose: to die for Conor.

Lin Caster is an Ashkar physician, part of a community ostracised for its rare magical abilities. But events pull her and Kel together and into the web of the mysterious Ragpicker King who rules Castellane’s criminal underworld.

Together, they’ll discover an extraordinary conspiracy. But can forbidden love bring down a kingdom? And will their discoveries plunge their nation into war and the world into chaos?

Here, a boy lives to protect his Prince with his life. A girl is destined to return lost magic to the world. A Prince must choose between his heart and his duty. And thrumming beneath it all, the heartbeat of a city unlike any other. Welcome to Castellane.

Known characters: (from top to bottom, from left to right, please appreciate the wonderful arts below)

Kellian Saren - our protagonist~ was kidnapped from his family when he was 5 and brought to the palace in order to be the Sword Catcher, the body double for the Crown Prince(🏳️‍🌈?). Used to have a crush on Antonetta, now too busy spending time with Prince Conor (🏳️‍🌈?). Big spoon energy

YOU'LL SAY: Rina... bestie he looks exactly like the second guy a bit lower, why so many Will Herondale cosplayers🤨 YES YES, THAT'S THE POINT, THEY HAVE TO LOOK ALIKE, IT'S LIKE Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman in Star Wars

Lin Caster - female protagonist, doctor, is skilled in healing magic (Catarina & Clary's daughter🤨?). There is a prophecy surrounding her, that says a very powerful goddess would return one day and it would be one of the girls from her community, ~possibly her~

Antonetta Alleyne - Heir to the wealthy silk charter, her mother dotes on her, dressing her in lace and grooming her to marry Prince Conor (the next guy). Her, Kel and Conor used to have this gang😎 when they were kids, but then her mother decided to turn her into a Kendall Jenner and now she's 💅🏻not like other girls💅🏻 and makes this ew sound everytime our protagonist walks by (secretly feels something else towards him....I guess?...)

Conor Aurelian - our Prince🤴🏻definition of: So you're a tough guy, Like it really rough guy, Just can't get enough guy, Chest always so puffed guy. What else? Oh, everyone tries to kill him and he hides behind his boyfriend's back. Little spoon energy

Joss Falconet - some lazy whore, idk. He has been friends with Conor and Kel since they were all small children. He loves parties, a good time, and ridiculous exploits, but there may be rather more to him…Matthew Fairchild core?👀✨ maybe....

The Ragpicker King - he's so 😋😩🤤he lives his dark emo girl aesthetic life. Doesn’t have a name or real identity. He lives in a big black mansion in the middle of Castellane and runs the crime scene. My future husband btw

Merren Asper - part-time student, full-time poisoner, and hopeless romantic. Merren has a dreamy, cheerful personality, despite being a poisoner. Well good for him, god bless🌿 he seems like a mixture of Kit Herondale and Wylan Van Eck

I'm going to update this post in case Cassie shares some new information!

The first book comes out on October 10 THIS YEAR so~ you can pre-order🌟✨for example, I can't so I'll just wait till someone sends it to me once it's out.

I REALLY hope I managed to get you slightly invested. It seems like a really nice fantasy series and I'd like to support Cassie's new work. She gave us our beloved TSC world and I have a strong faith in her. I know it's hard to dive into a new series but let's give it a chance!

@chibi-tsukiko @hahahax30 @roseofthomas @queenhelenblackthorn @not--a--pipedream @tea-and-a-clandestine-agenda @spacehero-23 @tys-kitty @carelessflower @dustandducks @one-fond-mortal @magnus-the-maqnificent @delightfullyterrible @learningshelfcontrol @thewolfnephilim @literallytypogod @gayforcarstairsgirls @clockworkbee @elettralightwood @captainswanandclintasha @radisv @lord-jethro @luciehercndale @bytheangell

[borderlinebox]

imagining/headcannon reader (this could be a continuation of childhood friend reader) making a handmade bracelet or keychain and giving the ones that they’re proud of to chishiya

when they head over to his place they didn’t expect to see the same bracelet/keychain on his desk from years ago, they thought he probably threw it away (like he DID WITH A CERTAIN LETTER 🤨)

He denies it so they drop the topic but couldn’t help the dumb smile on their face

Making Gifts for Chishiya Headcannons!

A/N: I love this request! And it just fits so perfectly with the bestfriend!reader hcs!!

Pairing: Chishiya x Reader

Warning: Season 2 spoilers, not proofread!

Feedback is appreciated!!!

friendship bracelet meme friendship bracelet meme

"i made this friendship bracelet for you"

"im not a jewelry person, y/n"

"you dont have to wear it-"

but instead of saying he would wear it forever, he would just.. do it.

no words

seriously though, you gave chishiya his first bracelet 3 months into your friendship

even though you already made a lot -6 months into it

he wouldn't show much interest

he would be more silent when you put it on him

"oh" is all he would say

but chishiya is screaming at himself inside

like he genuinely wants to say thank you

but god bless him because he's awkward in a situation like this

but you didn't need a thank you because that dorky smile on your face made him smile so softly

and that made you smile even more

he would then be admiring the sky blue bracelet a lot

it has the dice letters that say "chishi"

chishiya would help you gather materials for your craftiness

he loved watching you work and make

maybe he would even join in on making some

you would teach him how

unless you're the type of person to get nervous when someone watches

if that's the case then he would mind his own business

but compliment whatever works you decide to show him

chishiya secretly wears as many friendship bracelets you make under his jacket sleeves

maybe that's the reason why he doesnt want you to hold his arm 👀

and he puts your keychains on any keys he's got

he alters between like 3 keychains at once

per key holder he has

his parents, mostly his dad, makes fun of him for it

so that's why he hides them most of the time, especially in the house

and ofc, the more y'all grew older, the quality became prettier

sadly he threw some of the ones you made that could break easily or were like made out of macoroni

but he never told you

he just said he lost some of them

soon, you started ditching your bracelet/keychain hobby

because you were busy of course

i mean so was chishiya but he secretly missed your little crafty moments

he kept any bracelets and keychains he had left from you

he kept it in a small chest box on his desk

chishiya secretly wore that sky blue bracelet under his sleeves any time

even when working in the hospital

he has it on

and then one day you asked chishiya if you could come over for a bit

because you both had a day off and you had nothing else better to do

with a lot of persuasion, he said yes

and then you came in, admiring his little apartment

and then you saw it

the lil bracelet on his desk

you would let out the biggest squeal of the century

and chishiya, being a big tsundere, told you it wasn't what it looks like

"you kept iiiiiiiiittttt?????"

"kept what? thats a medical bracelet. its none of your business"

and then like quickly puts the bracelet back into the chest collection

you knew he wanted to drop the topic

and you wanted to tease him so badly

but you just couldnt stop with the biggest stupid smile on your face

chishiya hated how much it made you so fucking happy and ecstatic

because he wanted to smile and giggle with you. about how he kept everything

so he just told you to shut it and act like nothing happened

but he couldnt chat with you properly because that big cute smile on your face was distracting him

later, you snuck a peek into the chest to find all the things you made and gave him when he wasnt looking

but he noticed

because you were even smiling bigger and like a dork

like- just so dorky

you were so giddy

but he didn't do anything about it because..

he cant

he knew that you weren't going to let this go

like ever

AND AND AND

I'd like to add that if you ever got into the borderlands with him,

you'd notice that he has the bracelet on at all times

and there was never-ending teasing from you

he would turn down anyone who notices it!

chishiya's in denial

OR

if you weren't there in the borderlands, and it was just him,

chishiya would just look at the bracelet when things go wrong

he so subtle tho

he would still turn down anyone who asks.

you bet your ass that he kept it safe from the fire. so careful.

when he got shot by niragi,

he was fiddling with the bracelet and watching it like a homesick puppy.

cause he wants to return home

to you

[rontra]

some more failteacher yuri asks... go here. go in the roundup ❤

princedetectives asked:

the failteacher yuri comics youve been making are so so great i love lesbianism so much. genuinely its really impressive the quality of it and the storyline youve set up <- just realized ive been anticipating the next comics like a weekly manga or something

HELP that's funny i'm flattered you're so invested!!! the season's hottest ongoing 😭 i love lesbianism too god bless us all . thank you!!

cuddlebearable asked:

"what are lesbians into" with the fucking focused-ass look on her face fucking killed me it is so funny and the "good luck with that" really nails it down oh my god thank you so much for sharing these failgirl lesbians with us

Anonymous asked:

every time I read a new chapter of failteacher yuri I whoop and holler so loud the earth beneath me rumbles. thank you so much for the comic, your art and humour and writing are immaculate

YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET!!!! HFHBG THANK YOU... i'm happy you think its funny 🥰 no matter how many Taking It Seriously episodes we have...there will always be silly women getting into Situations<3

Anonymous asked:

I just want to say that you’re a fucking genius. I think failteacher yuri might be the greatest invention ever created. Thank you for bringing this to us <3

i guarantee someone else has had the idea that they should kiss before me but it is my honor to flood their tags with my gray ass canvases 🫡 thank you for reading!

aokozaki asked:

Timeline Divergence occurs when Miss Toriumi requests Becky on the same night that would've been Operation Maidwatch. Joker, Mishima, and Ryuji get some other maid who immediately notices they're underage and calls it off > Joker never sees her again because there's no chance encounter helping them out at school > They never make a "deal" forming a Confidant > The role of Temperance Arcana will be played by that one student who sits behind Joker and doesn't mention the cat or lockpicks or sleeping in class "Look man, I'm not gonna ask" (← virtues of temperance and grace)

👆 this is pretty much the exact handwave going on here yeah. ASSUMING the plot of p5 is even happening in the background ofc (???) <- has no plans to address this

but if it is, yeah pretty much the paths just coincidentally never intersect due to Hermit Meddling. i cant believe ms toriumi from p3 intercepted our confidant 😭 I LOVE THE STUDENT BEHIND YOU GAG THOUGH THATS SO FUNNY HDFHJBGKJM MINDING MY OWN FUCKING BUSINESS #TEMPERANCE #BALANCE #MODERATION #HARMONY

"this is the computer. you're not getting that" (kawakami voice) its so fucking over

[corvase]

friends with benefits to lovers

EXCITED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. FEEL FREE TO USE & ENJOY!!!! <3

exes to friends w benefits to lovers …?? smirk smirk wink wink

^they’re up to their frisky business and one character just pauses and says “do you remember the one time we bought like ten packs of cookies from sobeys at one am that one time?” and the character is just taken aback

^^they’re making out on one’s bed and one character looks over to the side and sees one of their couple things and is like “what’s that doing over there !”

“you staying over?” “duh. i don’t only like your body, silly, i like your netflix, too.”

the heavy feeling in their gut when they realize they have to introduce the other person as “just a friend”

one character wakes up before the other and just lies down beside them watching their chest go up and down, thinking ‘i can’t believe i am blessed enough to know such an ineffable person’

not knowing how to respond or feel about the protective feeling they get when someone asks if theyre dating the other person

“i think meeting you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i sometimes think just sitting with you is better than any make out session we could have.” “i think so, too.”

one of them needs a date for a wedding or business event and so they have to fake date for a couple weeks/months

“i love your fingers. they’re so pretty.” “are you sure them being pretty is the thing you like about them?”

a character thinking to themselves “i love how they never make me feel like i’m something to finish with. they always cherish me.”

“if i make you uncomfortable, tell me.” “you don’t. you never have. its one of the things i love about you.”

“i think you’re one of my favorite people.”

“i love being around you.” “i love that you love being around me because i love being around you, too.”

the moment when the jealousy from the other character pulling away to pursue a possible different love interest kicks in

“we’re kinda like a married couple, aren’t we?”

“i’m so proud of you.” and a shocked and slow response like “oh. thank you.” because they’re surprised it means so much to them that the other character would be proud

“i figured out that i love you this weekend and i just wanted tell you. i understand if you don't feel the same but i want you to know that the time we spent together means a lot to me and i’m glad we met—" "WAITTT YOU LOVE ME TOO????" "…………………………. TOO???"

they pull up to grab breakfast and one character just knows the others order by heart, no questions asked

“why are you so mad i’m talking to name? i thought you said you wanted to end this. you did.”

^ having to explain (or not explaining but thinking) that they wanted to end it in a “i don’t wanna be fwb i wanna be DATING you” way

they realize they love the other person because as soon as anything big happens in their life their first reflex is to tell them

“stop, i’m ticklish.” “i know.”

“i love you. have i told you that?” “oh my God. no you haven’t.” “……………. oh.”

consider when writing it : what are the stakes? more than just “losing a good friendship”, what would be so wrong with one character confessing their love to another? who else is involved? any secondary love interests? when do your characters realize they love each other and why? is it requited at first, if at all?

also if you know any books with this trope tell me. for research purposes of course.

[not-goldy]

Goldy, Jimin looked so adorable during Tae's fan meet. I miss him so much (and his tight skinny jeans). Also Tae posting a love song to his IG talking about taking a Dive and falling head over feet for someone, right after his night with Jimin. Uh oh, Jk sir, you better step your game up. Not posting for Jimin's bday, when Tae turned his whole entire fan meet into a gushing over Jimin party, complete with serenading him for his bday and singing their soulmate song. I'm just teasing. I'm not gonna give Jk too hard of a time, cause the man is busy exhausted and we know he loves his Jimin and Jimin pouting over Jk being busy, tells me everything. It's hitting him too. I have missed Vmin soulmating tho, so the fan meet was a highlight for me and seeing Jimin is a win no matter what.

I miss Jikook more tho. I just hope Jikook get all that tension out of their system beforehand, before they do that live together, if they do, because if not, we are all doomed. I mean, Jk's bed live seducing Jimin half naked to come over, with the chemistry and tension popping off, was insane and Jimin wasn't even in the same room with Jk. So I don't know if I'm actually ready for them to be in one frame live together. lol

Bless your vmin heart they cute

Its nice of Jimin to show up and out for his friends. I keep saying he's the standard female gaze in kpop. A man who cares, is respectful, emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings and knows how to communicate them well is every woman's ideal.

Hobi and Tae are in for second place for me.

I love vmin, God knows I do....

May be it's PTSD but whenever Jimin inserts himself in Tae fan spaces I hold my breath and shit my pants

They'd be hugging and shit and I'll just be quivering

If I worked security for Jimin I'd check every fans phone and social media for hate comments and vitriol against Jimin before letting them in.

If you as much as liked a hate comment bout Jimin I'll fly you through the window.

And good you not coming for Kook cos I was gonna be quick to remind you Jungkook equally went through this phase where he was alone and lonely because Jimin was super busy too

Instead of feeling sorry for this man we all made fun of him hanging out with Tae snoring on lives and giving off my man busy and I ain't vibes.

I'll jump anyone who complains bout him being busy. His career is as valid as Jimins.

I mean how else is he going to pay for the yatch ride and Tokyo trips he takes Jimin on????

He's gonna wanna pay a lil extra for the rooms with glass door baths too🙃

Yall better act like professional shippers pls 😤

[sagau-my-beloved]

So I have a lot of brainrots and stuff that I share with my brother but nobody else that I felt like sharing with you. One of them is what if creator!Reader subconsciously ends up sending like... gifts from our world to Teyvat. Like giving them a taste of the things the creator likes or is familiar with and are tailored to the characters who get them, so like Yun Jin, Xinyan, and Venti get access to an interdimensional radio that plays music from Earth, and Albedo gets like science textbooks, and tech that is too advanced for Teyvat and has media would be translated into book form, so cartoons become comics/manga so like Klee gets like a manga version of MLP:FiM and Beidou gets a novel series version of Pirates of the Caribbean... maybe Zhongli gets copies of myths and legends from earth history cause he seems like he'd like that...

Oh my god this is so cool, like, and this is kind of expanding on that in a different form, if reader just happened to look at an everyday object they owned and thought "Huh, you know I bet *insert character here* would find this interesting" then boom, it's transported directly to them (in three to five business days—)

So like the first few times it happens everyone is super confused, I mean, random stuff that they didn't even know existed is suddenly appearing in front of them

As soon as word gets out that your the one doing it, all hell is going to break loose, anything that makes its way from your world to their world is going to be seen as a blessed object, the receiver as someone who has gained your favor

So there's probably going to be ceremonies dedicated to this where everyone tries to get your attention so that you might think of them more (and therefore have a higher probability of you accidentally sending them something that reminds you of them)

Like characters that you would typically only see on character quest or specific storylines are going to be appearing more frequently outside of that, doing anything possible to get you to strike up a conversation so they can keep you there as long as possible

Characters that you already own are going to try their hardest to stay as a part of the main team, a suspicious increase in attack rates, sometimes it looks like the attacks don't even hit them, how suspicious

Suddenly these mostly meaningless things that you wouldn't even glance twice at in your own world become the most important object that person owns, it'll be treasured and displayed and shown off

Since everybody just assumes the more things a person has the more well liked they are, the characters which end up getting a lot from you are going to be both the object of adoration and jealousy, you've successfully placed a target on their backs—

Getting into more specifics, I think it would be so funny if you were reading a modern chemistry or just general science book for your class or job or even just a pass time, and then happened to think of Albedo, because that book would contain knowledge that is so far beyond what they currently know

What they could understand would probably completely blow their minds about the universe and elements and how all of that works

It'll probably be interpreted that you are the one who wrote that btw, you'll be hailed as an absolute genius (as if they didn't already think that), and also incredibly merciful for sharing your wisdom with the rest of them

That's stupid textbook would become the most read and studied book by all of the greatest minds in Teyvat

Of course it is still owned by Albedo, who is incredibly honoured that you would choose to share this with the world through him

And God forbid if you accidentally happened to think of Zhongli while reading a history book—

I could see that turning into a disaster real quick, I mean, everybody is going to learn about the fact that you live in a completely separate world with other people similar to you, and how that world is incredibly cruel and heartless—

It would strengthen their resolve to physically take you away from there

Of course, that does all hinge on the notion that Zhongli would let anybody else even touch that book, which is a little far fetched

I imagine mythology books would be a much safer bet, but there's always a chance that those could be taken as actual history books to so—

I could imagine Venti getting modern instruments, books of poetry perhaps, and I think the funniest would be some kind of iPod, or any other type of music storing device that runs on battery power

Because imagine it, they don't really have anything like that there, so it would take a bit of trial and error to even figure out what it is and how to use it, then he suddenly learns that it's used to play music (which is just so crazy to all of them), music that is completely unlike anything that they have ever heard or known to be possible, even for him with his self proclaimed knowing all music that has and will ever exist

And then the battery dies—

It's not like any of them know how to charge it or even that they have to, so then he assumes that he just broke the gift you gave him—

I want you to imagine what a distraught person looks like, now take that image and multiply it by 10 or so

Venti is going to feel so bad, you went through all this trouble to send him a specialized gift (which was better than anything you have ever sent anyone else in his eyes), and he breaks it

If you were there physically he would apologize for days on end, but since you aren't there physically, he has to simply use that energy apologizing to the statute of you and praying that you'll forgive him

If he gets another gift after that he'll feel better about the whole thing, taking that as a sign of your forgiveness

(Venti would also accidentally be given a lot of wine by me because I just think about him everytime I see bottles anywhere)

Childe would probably be most likely to get various types of weaponry, I'm basing a lot of this soley off of what items cause me to think of these characters btw, but he would really take great pride and whatever you gave him, even if it was like stupid little trinkets (Childe with a tiny bow key chain that he puts on his actual bow let's go—)

I really want Thoma to get a dog stuffed animal, because I think that would be incredibly cute

I think the kids getting things would be absolutely adorable, especially if it was kind of unorthodox things

Like Qiqi now has a large pile of coconuts and coconut shaped toys, because every time you see one you can't help but think of her

Klee would get cute comics and probably a large amount of various toys that are red, she would hoard them all in her room and refused to give them up for anything

It's just such a fun idea, and really personalized too since everyone has different associations for characters and objects, thank you for sharing <3

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Buddy Daddies - Last Names & Their Meanings

I did a post a little back on all of the characters first names and the meanings/sentiments behind those names. I’ll link to that post in the comments if you are interested. In this post, I’m going to be looking at last names and using a few different sources. I’ll link all the sources I use in the comments below as well, though.

Okay, with all of that out of the way, let’s get started!

KURUSU (来栖)

Kazuki’s last name is KURUSU. This surname is made up of three syllables: KU-RU-SU and two kanji characters KURU (来) SU (栖).

来 KURU

Over on Jisho(dot)org, you can get the meaning of the kanji for 来 (KURU):

Basically, it means “come, due, next, cause, become.” And the Japanese website Sijisuru adds a little more to this meaning:

Basically, giving a little more history on the etymology of the word. The above mentions how the meaning of KURU is “the future that’s to come” and how the was originally written a bit differently. The way it was written in the bast resembled wheat standing up and growing in a field, so a connection to the future food that would come and which would be “a blessing from the gods.”

栖 (SU)

Once again, over on Jisho(dot)org, you can see the meaning for SU:

It means “nest, rookery, hive, cobweb, den.” Basically, all places that can be “home” to an animal. Though, as we can see from the Sijisuru website, the bird’s nest meaning seems to be the most prominent meaning:

Meaning: Nest. A bird’s nest. To reside. Dwelling.

So that means that Kazuki’s last name is a combination of “to come” and “nest.” This, of course, fits perfectly with the fact that Kazuki is the one that decides to take Miri in, and he provides her with a home (a nest). 

SUWA (諏訪)

Rei’s last name is SUWA and is made up of two syllables: SU-WA, as well as two kanji 諏(SU) and 訪(WA).

諏 (SU)

This kanji’s meaning is “to consult.”

(From Jisho(dot)org). 

Basically, to gather and discuss things. 

訪 (WA)

This kanji’s meaning is “call on, visit, look up, offer sympathy.” 

In some ways, it seems like Rei is the complete opposite of this. He is very quiet and keeps a lot of his thoughts and feelings to himself. He is closed off in a way. But! Rei is the one that usually ends up having deeper and more meaningful conversations with Miri, as opposed to Kazuki. 

From Ep. 3 alone, we had two such scenes, with the first being in the bathtub. The whole conversation about how Rei wasn’t brought up to smile, so now he can’t (or, at least, can’t do it often) and Miri teaching him the spell her mom used to say to make the bad things go away.

Later in the same episode we have Rei and Miri sitting down on the bench and talking about Papas. Rei asking Miri about her “real” father and Miri telling him what she believes a “Papa” is. 

We really only ever see Rei sitting down and engaging Miri in actual discussion. Kazuki engages with her on a more surface level in this way, with their interactions focusing more on things like getting ready for school, eating, cleaning up, going to bed, etc. But Rei is the one having actual deep talks with her.

Something else that’s really interesting about Rei’s last name is its connection to the samurai class. There’s a whole Wikipedia page on the Suwa Clan (which I’ll link to below). 

The above talks about how the Suwa Clan was made up of shake (a type of government and priestly class position) and samurai. They were high ranking samurai too, with close ties to the shogunate. Eventually the clan split into two branches by the time the Edo Period (1603 - 1867) rolled around, with one branch ruling as daimyo (feudal lords) and the other as priests for the Suwa Shrine. 

We know that Rei is rich, so he is likely “old money” rich. This makes sense if his family are descendants of the daimyo branch of the old Suwa Clan, since that was a position of both money and power. It would also make sense that his line of the family may have gotten into a still powerful and violent dominated business like assassins. 

The rest I will be putting under a Read More due to length.

UNASAKA (海坂)

Miri and her mother have the last name UNASAKA, which has four syllables “U-NA-SA-KA” and two kanji UNA (海) and SAKA (坂).

The first part of their name 海 UNA is the Japanese word for sea or ocean.

(The image is from Jisho(dot)org).

While the second part of their name 坂 SAKA is the Japanese word for “slope, incline, hill.”

In a way, both Miri and her mother are drifting at sea. Her mother is very lost as a person and seems very stuck. Repeating the same old patterns of ending up in bad relationships (never able to get over the hill, stuck on an incline, falling down that slope). And Miri, in Ep. 1, was this little child just zooming around the sea of people in Tokyo, trying to find her father.

Interestingly, the Japanese word for regret 後悔 (KOUKAI) has the kanji for sea as part of it:

(Kanji image from Jisho(dot)org).

BUT! There is some more to the Unasaka name too. Over on the Japanese dictionary website Goo, they have this bit of information about it:

Basically: The boundary believed to separate the land of the sea gods from the land of humans. The boundary of the sea. The end of the sea.

In the past, it seems, SAKA had more of a boundary meaning to it, at least in this specific context. In some ways, we see this happening with Miri. She went from one “world” the one that existed with her and her mom to another “world” the one that she has now with her two Papas. There is likely a class difference between the two, and Miri is getting experiences that she likely never had the opportunity to get when she lived with her mother (due to cost) like daycare.

Meanwhile, “the boundary of the sea” and “the end of the sea” meanings are quite interesting. Like the sky, we often view the sea as endless. Both the sky and the sea (and in more modern day, space) are viewed as these realms of endless possibility, but we saw with Misaki that she felt like being a mother ended her dreams and possibilities:

She reached the end of the sea. But, I do wonder if, without Miri, she’s gone back to drifting through the sea again or if she’s still stuck at the end of it. Still stuck climbing up that same ol’ hill. It’s sad to think about.

KUGI (九棋)

Interesting! When you search the Kyutaro’s last name KUGI using the kanji 九棋, the only thing that pops up is info on Kyutaro’s character. Now, it could be that this is just a super rare last name, but given the line of work, I’m leaning more towards a made up last name that Kyutaro is using as an alias (since his first name was a more common name).

So, let’s look at the kanji individually.

九 KU 

This is the kanji for the number 9. I’m sure many anime fans are aware of the avoidance of the number 4 in Japanese, because of how its pronunciation is the same as the Japanese word for death “shi.” Well, there is a similar thing with 9.

(Source is the site Lingualift and the article is Lucky and unlucky numbers in Japan.)

So, basically, the “ku” (く) reading of the number 9, which is the reading that Kyutaro has going on with “KU-GI” is similar in sound to the Japanese word for “agony or torture.” 

(From Jisho(dot)org). 

So that’s why, when pronouncing the number 9, the alternate pronunciation is often used, “kyu.”

棋 (GI)

This kanji means:

“Chess piece, Japanese Chess, Shogi” (From Jisho(dot)org).

So his last name is basically “nine chess pieces.” Hmm.. Shogi is also mentioned here. And another definition also mentions “Go” in connection to the kanji used here. Both are strategy based games. 

Having a last name that ties into that, definitely seems to indicate that he is someone who manipulates and pulls strings. Which makes sense, since he is the one that gets them info and sets everything up on the backend. But, this may mean something more too (and perhaps more sinister or dark, especially given the first part of his last name and the connections that has).

OGINO (小木)

We still don’t know much about this character, Ryo. His first name had some unique spelling aspect to it, and his last name is the same. It makes me think that perhaps the name Ryo Ogino isn’t his real name and may be an alias, but that’s just me speculating.

This last name is OGINO and made up of three syllables O-GI-NO and two kanji 小 and 木. The thing is though, 小木 has the reading of OGI not OGINO and means this:

Basically, “small tree.” The source for that is the website Kotobank. And that makes sense, 小(SMALL) 木 (TREE). But the last name OGINO is usually written like this: 荻野. We can find the meaning for this Japanese name even on English speaking sites, like Ancestry(dot)com:

So it means “reed plain.” Reeds or 荻 (ogi) in Japan, look like this:

(Image from flower-photo(dot)info). The 荻 (ogi) plant has some interesting flower language meaning in Japan:

(From a Japanese website called Hanaoiwaya).

It means “one-sided feelings,” “one-sided grudge,” and “refreshing/invigorating/pleasant.” If I were to make a little guess on which of these meanings is most likely connected to this Ryo character, it would probably be “one-sided grudge.”

We don’t really know enough about him yet for me to really say anything else. The official website does state that he is an acquaintance of Kyutaro’s and that he has some connection to the death of Kazuki’s wife, but Kazuki is not aware of this. So, hmm...

HANYU ( 羽生 )

Finally, we have Miss Anna! <3 Her last name is “HANYU,” which has three syllables, the HA-NYU-U. Her name meanings are pretty straightforward, thankfully, lol.

羽 (HA)

(From Sijisuru) 

The definition of word is “wing/wings,” especially in connection to birds. So, an association with flying free, basically. 

生 (NYU)

(From Sijisuru)

This word is associated with “life, birth, being born, grow, to grow.” The kanji itself is meant to look like a sprout growing out of the ground/earth. So, an association with growing, growth, and life.

Basically a last name that means “wings of life” or something similar to that. A perfect name for our sweet Miss Anna who is here to help Miri and her classmates grow and fly free with their creativity! <3

(I’m glad I could end this post on a cute and positive note, lol).