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pomegranates-and-blood · 3 years

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Right, Wrong (500 Celebration)

500 Celebration Masterlist

Pairing: Ubbe/Reader, mentioned Ubbe/Margrethe, implied Ivar/Reader I’m sorry I can’t help myself

Prompt: From the Quotes category: “Angry, and half in love with you, and tremendously sorry, I turned away.”

Word Count: 2818 (I had my reasons to say these were not drabbles, y’know)

Warnings: A horrible amount of angst, lost love, unrequited love, passing mentions of injuries/violence.

A/N: Hi, first Ubbe piece of this celebration! I hope this is okay, I apologize in advance if it isn’t. Also, not the fluffiest or most Ubbe-positive of fics, fair warning.

“I want you there with me.” Ivar tells you, and though you are surprised, you try not giving it away.

“Why?”

“Why should I have any reason, hm?”

“You expect me to stand next to you, much like Astrid does next to Harald, without any explanation as to why?”

His smile is cold, they always are. And cruel, and they usually are that too.

When the day comes and you do stand next to Ivar as he faces Lagertha and his brothers, you cannot help but wonder if it isn’t Ivar the cruel one, but the Gods. Or, at least, not the cruelest, not when you can see the face of a dead man in Ubbe, and hear his voice when Björn speaks.

For all the certainty you hold that the choice you made that day so long ago was the right one, you still fail to hold Ubbe’s gaze for anything more than a few moments.

You approach slowly, moving seamlessly in between the warriors and shieldmaidens that load their belongings onto the ships; and you take those few moments -those last moments- to look at him.

The evidence of the Saxons’ violence is still on him, in the eye so swollen you could think of Odin then, in the bloodied wounds that are still to heal. In the bruised pride that makes his shoulders stiff and his posture straighter.

Hvitserk is the first of the brothers who notices you standing by the pier, a few feet away from the ship. His warm eyes meet yours before travelling down your figure, stalling on your hands.

Your empty hands.

It is something like sadness, and something more, something like hesitance, that clouds Hvitserk’s features before he nods his head once in acceptance and turns back around to let you say goodbye.

Ubbe doesn’t turn around, he continues working on the last preparations for the trip, and you almost don’t want to know if he is unaware of your presence.

If he is, then you remain as insignificant as you have always feared. If he isn’t, then he believes you remain as malleable as you never intended to be.

You grit your teeth, and turn your back as well.

When you walk by Ivar, who sits there watching his brothers leave, his hand reaches to grab at your forearm.

You do not care if it is a command to remain so Ubbe knows you have chosen to stay or a recognition of what you have left behind, you still wrench your hand from his grasp and continue walking.

It doesn’t matter, the world will never stop for the sake of a shieldmaiden’s helpless heart. And, in your own way, you are grateful it doesn’t.

Because your heart may want some foolish things, but you are more than your heart.

And when they announce the war for Kattegat is inevitable, and the time comes when the tension tightens like the old cords in Sigurd’s oud and you have to bear your sword against the man you once loved; you do.

____

He should know better by now than to try and go past the greater forces and speak directly to an enemy. That is what you are, after all. You chose the side he believes is wrong, and when the battle dawns you will be nothing but another shieldmaiden to strike down.

If you ever were anything more than that, even before this.

Still, Ubbe is here, sitting next to the fire with his elbows on his knees, his face grave and serious, his eyes unnaturally blue even against the warm hues of the flames.

And you take a seat at his side, even if only because this might as well be the goodbye you were too angry to give him that first time.

“Why did you do it? You were supposed to come with me,” He starts, and even if you feel the piercing blue of his eyes set on you, you cannot turn to meet his gaze. “What reasons did you have to stay with Ivar?”

You wonder why it is now that he wishes to know your reasons, now that war is inevitable, now that there is no turning back.

A deep breath, and, “The same reasons I had to leave with you.”

Your voice is colder than you intended, and a cruel part of you is more delighted than you intended when Ubbe recoils as if you had struck him.

But the softer, compassionate, meek woman Ubbe once promised to love is dead, if you ever were her in the first place. If she died, she did so piece by piece, when her sister died in Kattegat, when the man she loved married another woman, when the people she knew her whole life died before her in battle. But maybe, maybe you won over her, when you were promised revenge by dangerous blue eyes and were granted it, when a chest made up of a broken heart met one that was hollow to begin with, when with each battle the taste of blood started being sweeter and sweeter.

“You didn’t even ask me if I was going to leave with you, you didn’t even doubt that I would get on that damned boat,” You tell him, turning to meet wide eyes and trying not to grit your teeth at the misplaced betrayal that shines in them. “I heard you telling your brother how you would leave and take me with you.”

“I thought yo-…”

You interrupt him, because you truly have no interest in hearing what he thought when he had another sharing his bed and his heart, when in his grief he decided to forget you were a person too.

“You thought wrong. You thought I would follow, you thought I would do as you wished.”

“I did,” He confesses, voice grave and low. That wasn’t what you were expecting, but when you turn to look at him, Ubbe looks pointedly ahead. “I was wrong, and I regret it.”

“Yet you still come here, expecting me to follow, expecting me to do as you wish.”

“Fighting to defend Kattegat is the right thing to do. Ivar only wants to pull us all apart. The sons of-…”

“Defending Kattegat is no more righteous than attacking it. Do not try to make this about right or wrong.”

“But you are on the wrong. Ivar is on the wrong.”

The shrug you give speaks the words he doesn’t want to hear, I don’t care.

He offers the only answer he can, “I do not want to fight you, I do not want to face you in battle.”

You shrug, “It isn’t your choice to make, though.”

A twitch of anger in his expression, but that is all he gives away. A part of you wants to push until you see anything human, anything that isn’t this façade of a smoke figure of a man long dead, if he ever existed.

You look so much like your father, they always tell him, and even you see Ragnar in the shape of his face, in the blue of his eyes.

A long time ago, you would have argued he was not like Ragnar in any other way, at least not the Ragnar you remember, the Ragnar of empty eyes and bruises on his wife’s face. The Ragnar that left, the Ragnar that returned with smoke to fill his sons’ heads with and nothing else.

Now, you aren’t so sure, if only because of how much he wants you -and them, it is always them. Them who always speak of legacy, them who always remember a dead man as something more than what he was, them who always insist all sons are good for is retracing bigger footprints- to believe that he is like his father, that he is keeping him alive by just existing. And what you have now is talks of dreams he never had, and people left behind -you, overlooked you to chase after her even when you offered him your heart and so much more, and her, left her alone for so long even if she deserved someone that stayed-.

You are so much like your father, you want to tell him, if only to hurt him, but you aren’t so sure it will anymore.

“This isn’t your choice either, you are following Iv-…”

“I am following no one.”

There it is, the slightest quirk of his mouth that speaks of rage and a strange brand of cruelty. It is human, even if it is painful to see. It is him, even if it isn’t like him at all.

“I always knew you had your arrogance, I never thought you’d be blinded by it.”

“If I am blinded, then I will be easy to strike down in battle,” You stand up, spare one last glance, “I guess we will see when the time comes, hm?”

____

Focused on the mead you swirl in your cup absently, you barely notice the man that takes a seat at your side until he speaks,

“You love him, don’t you?” Sigurd asks, his particular kind of gentleness lacing his words, but something more, something like longing, making the question something more.

You lift your gaze to the newlyweds, smiling absently at the sight of their happiness, and you understand the longing in Sigurd’s voice.

“It does not matter what I feel.” You tell him, but in the humorless curve of his mouth you hear the words he does not retort with.

Standing up and signaling your goodbye with a squeeze of the Prince’s shoulder, you walk up to Ubbe and his wife.

He turns to you with a wide smile, and it is in that oblivious happiness that you can find it in you to not feel bitter about the course of Fate, it is in that open blue of his eyes that you do not find any cruelty. You bow your head, a greeting, a congratulation, and turn to his wife.

Margrethe is more guarded, and her smile is more a façade, but you understand that too. She knows, you know she does.

“May the Gods bless you both, and give you many happy years together.”

Before you are to turn around, the girl’s hand reaches for you, and grasps your forearm gently. You meet her eyes, and Margrethe leans closer, smile small but warm as she whispers,

“Thank you.”

Your hand covers hers for a moment, before you let go and continue walking.

You still wonder what she thanked you for. You still wonder if she curses you now, for not having done something to stop that union, if only out of selfishness, to spare her the pain you suffered then and she suffers now.

You still wonder, after so long, if you should have thanked her instead.

Kattegat is enveloped in shadows, distant fires doing nothing to stop the darkness that approaches at a fast pace. The few that are planning on leaving are frantic, loading their belongings onto their carts and their horses.

You find him much like you did that time, the mark of battle still present on him and the strain of loss making his shoulders tight with tension.

Only this time you stand behind him and find it in you to call his name.

Ubbe turns around immediately, eyes searching for you and almost immediately finding you. You have no time to understand the emotion that shines in familiar blue eyes before his big hands are on you, moving you back against the shadows.

He looks around before he focuses on you, trying to gauge whether anyone saw you. You almost want to ask him why he thinks you are important enough for any of these people to recognize you, but he beats you to a question.

“Why are you here?”

“You don’t have to die with them, you don’t have to run.”

“Ivar won’t accept me here, and you know that,” Ubbe retorts, though he still walks closer to you. With the shadows as heavy as they are, with the veil of night as enveloping as it is, you have never seen him stand taller, have never felt smaller. “You heard him, you were there, when he said I am no longer his brother.”

“I-I can-…”

“You can come with me,” He tells you, and though you are thankful for the interruption, because you had no answer to give; you are stunned into silence by the offer, “The Bishop will help us find refuge in Saxon land. Come with me.”

For a moment, a moment too alike that sharp breath of a warrior that feels the cold iron of a sword go through him, you are once again madly in love, willing to risk it all. You are once again foolish, and malleable.

For a moment, you want to say yes.

Yet the sharp breath leaves your lips, and you are once again standing behind the man you love, hearing him speak so surely of how he will take you from the world you know. You are once again standing on the steps of that damned boat.

And your answer never changed, because you never did.

Because he did.

“No.”

It is in the soft breath, in the widened eyes, in the mix between surprise and grief; that you find nothing but more certainty in your answer.

“I will not follow you, Ubbe,” You tell him, softer now. Though, this isn’t a softness born out of gentleness, born out of love. This is the shallow and slow breaths of a dying woman, the one that would have been able to make the right choice. “I can’t.”

“Of course you can, you have no reason to stay in Kattegat.”

“I do,” You promise, but your voice still holds that defeated softness, that unwilling gentleness. “I have my own ambitions, my own dreams.”

“At Ivar’s side?”

The smile you offer is bitter, and maybe a tad cruel, “Of all the ways I imagined I would become Queen of Kattegat, this wasn’t it. But I do not resent the Gods for the path they have woven for me.”

“You have chosen your own path.” He doesn’t hesitate to accuse.

“Maybe so,” You concede. It isn’t worth the fight. “And you have chosen yours.”

Maybe that is the goodbye you should have said that day when he left for Kattegat, or maybe before then.

Maybe it isn’t a goodbye at all, because there is nothing but memories to say goodbye to.

Maybe it is something else, a new beginning to the lives you will lead, a first meeting between the people you have both become long ago, but neither was brave enough to admit seeing in the other.

“I truly loved you,” You tell him, not sure why now of all times you choose to let him know. “Maybe in some way I love you still. But it changes nothing.”

Familiar, the twitch of his mouth when he looks away, the fire in his eyes in the low light, the way he receives your love without uttering a word.

You are the son of Ragnar Lothbrok, just like us; he would tell Ivar, so often it seems that he still talks about it, about how Ubbe insisted on reminding him he was the son of a legend as much as any of them.

We are the sons of Ragnar, is that not enough for any man? He insisted on that last calm before the storm, pretending he hadn’t spent so many nights with you confessing he did not know the kind of man his father was but still knew he had to admire him.

In the name of Ragnar! Björn had bellowed as the battle for Kattegat commenced, and Ubbe echoed the call, as if the man they called a father had been something other than human, something other than a man, as if they had forgotten of his failings in their loss.

You take a step back, feeling like it should be reversed when you walk into the light and leave him enveloped in shadows. Ubbe watches you raptly, his eyes so unnaturally blue as they trace your movements; but says nothing.

You smile your last goodbye, “You are a son of Ragnar, before you are anything else. I hope that is enough, Ubbe.”

He reaches for you when you move to leave, but you both know it is inevitable. His hand is warm, warmer than it has ever been, on your forearm, and his eyes are sad, sadder than they have ever been, as they gaze upon you.

Your hand reaches for the side fo his face, and the kiss you press against his lips is more of a parting gift than it should have ever been.

His hand drops from your arm, and you walk away. And continue walking, all the way back home.

____ ____ ____

Thank you so much for reading, I hope this was okay even if it wasn’t that Ubbe-positive. I would love to hear your thoughts! Stay safe, love ya!

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius @xbellaxcarolinax @1950schick @ietss @peachyboneless @encounterthepast @maggiescarborough @chibisgotovalhalla @fae-sedai @zuxiezendler @crazybunnyladysworld @stupiddarkkside @northumbria @sagyunaro @aprilivar @ritual-unions-gotme

#ubbe x reader #vikings ubbe #ubbe imagine #ubbe #500 fucking hell thank you ily

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marsbutterfly · 4 years

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The Scientist’s Gamble - Part 2

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Summary: As the formation rides out, Hanji takes a moment to meet your eyes, and you smile at her. Today is going to be a win for humanity, you think to yourself. You could not be more wrong.

AO3 Version! | Wattpad Version!

After an hour or so peacefully riding your horses towards the forest, you begin to feel the floor shaking in the distance. Not long after, the first red flare is fired. A Titan. Thinking back on your knowledge acquired studying Titans with Hanji, you know it is a 5m from the way the ground is trembling - not tall enough that it will necessarily take more than a couple of Scouts to kill, but could still cause damage if it wasn't stopped in time.

You move your face to the right, enough so you can look at Hanji to see if this is the one she wants. She shakes her head - she doesn't want a regular titan. You know that that crazy look in her eyes can only mean one thing. She's after an Abnormal. Goosebumps travel up and down your body, and you reposition yourself on your horse to face forward once again. Without even realizing it, a smug smirk spreads across your face. This is going to be so fun!

"Reiner! - " you scream. Your throat hurts from the effort you put into the sound, yet you still prepare yourself to do it again.

" - I need you to ride to the center of the formation. Inform the Commander that if an Abnormal appears, bring it closer to us. Tell them they should not kill it unless absolutely necessary!"

"Of course," Reiner screams back, allowing his cloak to fall back against his shoulders. His blonde hair ruffles in the wind, a ridiculous smile plastered across his face, "but I'm just curious," he says, and you know exactly what's about to come out of his mouth before he says it as he yells, "Who the fuck put you in charge?"

Before you even have time to laugh at his stupid comeback, the beautiful brown haired scientist riding alongside you responds, "I did!"

Eyes wide, his lips scrunch up as he turns away to avoid eye contact with you and Hanji.

"Now go, Reiner!" Hanji says.

"Yes ma'am!", is all he says before he steers his horse left and rides out of sight. He doesn't give you the chance to say anything in response.

You can feel the laughter bubbling up in your chest, from deep in your throat to burst out of your mouth. You try to hold it in until the blonde soldier is out of sight, but you know he can hear you.

Tears form in your eyes as your stomach starts to hurt. You just can't keep it in. The look on Reiner's face is the funniest thing you've seen in a long while. Once you finally manage to slow down and take a deep breath to pull yourself together, you look over to Hanji to find she's been carefully watching you the whole time.

"Thank you for defending me!", you shout, flashing her the biggest smile you can manage.

"Of course! I'm not going to let anyone undermine you! You are my second in command right now! You know me better than anyone else! That's what makes you such an amazing assistant," her grin widens, "and an amazing friend!"

You can feel the heat rising in your cheeks once again, but before you can reply, you notice something in the corner of your eye.

It's a black flare.

You and Hanji lock eyes for a brief moment before you both let out an excited scream at the same time - "LET'S GO!"

You can see it now. The Titan is easily 7 meters tall, if not taller. It has blonde hair and brown eyes, and a relatively normally-proportioned body and facial features, but you notice it's walking with a strange limp. At its ankles, the Titan's feet were pointed in the opposite direction they should be. Yet, it runs ahead eagerly as if nothing is different. You've never even thought this was possible.

Perfect! You think to yourself.

You stand up on your horse and switch to your 3D maneuver gear. You shoot your grapples around the top of a tree branch and swing on top to land on your feet with a sense of balance that you're proud of. Multiple horses ride toward where you and the rest of the Scouts stand above them. The massive titan follows the Scouts closely, too close for anyone's comfort, but they're not giving up.

Once the monster is close enough, you and Hanji share a look before you run towards it, preparing yourselves to jump down on its shoulders, cut off its limbs, and strap it to the floor before it regenerates.

Data collected on previous missions showed that it takes approximately 4 minutes for its arms to regenerate, but it shouldn't take you that long to trap it. You're all extremely prepared for this, you've practiced for this and almost every other situation.

Now it's the time to prove you know what you're doing - except nothing could have prepared you for what came next.

The trap used to capture the titan is a fraction of a second late. You're already in the air, arms flung back in preparation to cut its underarm when you notice something is wrong.

Everything happens in slow motion as you see it's massive arm intercept the cables of your grapples, yanking you like a yo-yo across the trees. Your body collides against one of the many enormous trees surrounding you. The pain shoots all over your body. It is too intense, and your vision gets more clouded by the second. You could hear Hanji screaming your name, but you didn't stay conscious for much longer than that.

A few minutes pass by, but the damage caused by the titan makes it seem like much longer. You could see bodies all around you, at least 10, 15. Your comrades, your friends, dead because of a mistake out of your control.

Huh? you think, and that's all that goes through your brain at moment. There is blood dripping down your face, and you're unable to tell if it's yours, the Titan's, or to one of the many bodies lying next to you.

A 5m titan wanders closer to you with every second, and somehow you manage to pull all the strength left in you. Your body is finally forced to sit up, despite all the pain, in your head, your bones, your heart.

"Why is this happening? This is not how today was supposed to go. We prepared for this expedition for weeks!" suddenly you stop talking. Your mind starts spinning as you desperately look amongst the pile of bodies, searching for one in particular.

"H-Hanji?" you manage to force out a whisper, but as soon as you take a deep breath, all the pain you were feeling, the grief for your fallen comrades, the rage towards titans, "HANJI!"

As you become more aware of your surroundings, the warm blood dripping down your face and the pain of your broken ribs are almost enough to make you stop fighting, but a small voice in the back of your head says: You need to find a way out of this forest and back home. You can't let the titans win!

You grab your blades and swing them with all your might, trying your hardest to keep the 5M Titan away for as long as you can until you have a plan. The truth is you just can't die now, but you also can't fight for much longer as you feel your body starting to cave in. The pain from your ribs is becoming unbearable, and your lungs feel like they will collapse at any moment. With every breath is getting harder to breathe. You want to keep fighting for longer, but in your condition, it just doesn't seem possible.

It's alright Y/N, you think to yourself, Your efforts weren't enough, but that's ok. Putting the blade down, you accept your fate, but hopefully, it will be quick. You close your eyes as the massive hands wrap around your already crushed body.

"Oh no, you don't!" someone screams, and their voice is the last thing you hear before passing out once again.

You wake up to a bright light shining in your face. Your eyes open slowly, groggily.

Is this the afterlife? No. You can hear the saline dripping, in what kind of afterlife would you be hooked up to an IV in?

The pain in your head travels all over your body as if it's using your veins to move around. You try to readjust, but stop when a new pain shoots through your chest. You count one, two, three broken ribs. It could be worse. At least you're still alive. Your eyes slowly travel down the bruises that cover your body. Some scratches, stitches, broken fingers and toes. You are not even certain that you still have all of your teeth.

The shape beside you shifts ever so slightly, but it's enough to catch your attention. You turn to look, and into focus comes Hanji. Her head lay on her arms, which rest on top of your mattress next to your right hand. This is one of the few times you've ever seen her hair down - it looks a little messy, but it's still as beautiful as ever. Her glasses are folded on the bedside table in front of her. How long has she been sitting here?

"Han...ji..?" The effort you put into making the sound for only her name to come out is considerable. It scratches and burns, to your frustration, but the weak noise is enough to get her attention.

"You're awake!" she says as tears fill her tired brown eyes. "I was so worried about you - please don't ever do that to me again!" A small hiccup forms in the back of her throat. Her lower lip quivers.

The mere sight of Hanji crying is enough to shatter your heart. You try your best to comfort her within your confines. You reach to touch her hand, eyes softening. The sharp pain of your ribs again forces you to gently recline your back on your pillow once again, but you hold her hand tightly.

"What happened?" you ask.

"The Abnormal we were trying to trap moved faster than anticipated it would. The soldiers fired the net approximately 1.9 seconds late but it was enough to derail the entire plan."

She lifts your hand to plant a kiss on it, almost like she was buying herself time before she had to tell you what the rest of the losses were. Flashes of memories come back to you snippets at a time, not enough to give you a full understanding of what happened, but enough to make your heart sink.

Hanji continues, "Your jump would have been perfectly timed if everything had gone according to plan. When the Titan got out, it tangled your line, and you went flying into a tree." You remember the pain you felt at that moment, you've never felt anything like that before. You could remember clearly the sound your ribs made as they broke.

"After that, it became clear to everyone that our mission had failed, and by the time Commander Erwin gave the retreat order, the Abnormal had already eaten everyone around you. Your body was laying among all the corpses around you and I thought I lost you forever -" Hanji abruptly cuts herself off. She catches her breath and closes her eyes to compose herself.

"I heard you scream my name. I ran back to find you, and you were in the Titan's hand. I couldn't let that happen, obviously. I cut off its arm and caught you while Captain Levi went for the nape. I carried your body to the medic's cart, and I haven't left you since."

"How long?" you croak.

Hanji sighs, "Four days."

"And you've been here the whole time?"

Hanji smiles. "I only left for bathroom breaks."

You roll your eyes, but for a few moments, you forget about the pain covering every inch of you. You were never one for impulsivity but now, your body moves on its own. You're more than familiar with how this scene plays out - you think about it constantly. Your hands shake, and you feel your nerves getting worse the longer it takes.

You've been wanting to do for this for years, and now you have the perfect moment. After what happened, you need to kiss her, even if it's the only time you ever do. So, gently but quickly enough that you can't take it back, you grab her face and pull her to your lips. As they seal together, Hanji is taken by surprise, but just as quickly melts away in your embrace. She places her arms on your shoulders as you deepen the kiss.

It's exactly the way you imagined it would be. Goosebumps rise on your body in response to her soft breath against your mouth. A tiny sob escapes your lips as you're all at once reminded you of how much it hurts to move. But that doesn't stop you. After what feels like hours, you pull away reluctantly. You don't want this moment to ever end.

The bright red blush covering her cheeks makes her look even prettier than usual. She gently touches her lips, looking off into the distance like she's lost in thought.

You pull her back into the moment "Squad Leader..." you begin, taking a deep breath and forming fists with your hands. You gather every ounce of courage you have in you. It's now or never. "I've been in love with you for quite some time, and I should've said something before but I was scared."

Once you've started talking, the words pour out of your mouth.

"Now that I almost became Titan food, I don't want to keep it in any longer. I love the way your eyes sparkle when you're talking about Titans. I love the way your hair falls over your shoulders when you're training, and the way you adjust the straps of your glasses. I could sit here and list everything that's great about you because you are the most amazing person I have ever met."

Your hands start to shake, and your throat burns with effort, but you push out your most important statement. "I'm deeply and completely in love with you, Hanji."

Her mouth hangs open slightly.

Did I just make a huge mistake? It doesn't matter - I had to get this off my chest, you think to yourself.

She's extremely quiet for a few seconds - no more than a minute, but enough time for you to start panicking.

"Since when?" she asks.

"Since I listened to your guest lecture on titans when I was still in the Training Corps."

"Why haven't you said anything up until now?"

You can't help but laugh. "Everyone in the Survey Corps, and probably everyone in the entire military already knows. I just assumed you weren't interested."

"Huh?? I've never noticed!!" she says, waving her hands above her head. You laugh again as you readjust yourself on the bed. "But now that I think about it, I guess you did hug me a lot for no apparent reason... and Erwin did insist that you be my assistant..." she counts off on her fingers, "and you always blushed when I touched you and - oh wait."

She looks down at her legs, her fingers flying to fidget with her hair. "I can't believe I didn't notice..." Her blush spreads deeper once the realization hits her. "The truth is, I've been liking you too, but I thought you liked Captain Levi, or Eren."

You wrinkle your nose, shaking your head. Hanji laughs, standing up to wave you over to the other side of the bed. She lies beside you on the hospital bed, placing her head on your shoulder while carefully lacing your fingers together. She's careful not to bump your injuries. The smell of her hair awakens the butterflies in your stomach, and you place your chin on her head to wrap your free arm around her shoulder.

"I'm glad you're alive." Hanji says. Her voice is barely audible, her words meant for you alone. "From now on, I won't leave your side. You'll be out in the forest killing titans in no time."

You smile. "Right now, there's no other place that I'd rather be than right here next to you." She looks up at your face, flashing you a grin before she pulls you closer, and your lips close against each other once again.

A week later, you listen to birds chirp outside of the window while you read your book. The sunlight feels warm and nice against your legs, and the rare silence you're in is much appreciated. It doesn't last long.

"Y/N!!!!!!!!!"

The door barges open to reveal a gaggle of teenagers stumbling over one another.

"Y/N! I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!" Sasha yells as she runs to hold your hand, but her attention quickly shifts to the half-eaten bean soup on your bedside table. She looks at the soup, and then at you once again.

"You can have it, Sasha," you say with a smile, gesturing to the small bowl. The starved brown-haired girl doesn't lose a second and instantly starts to devour it. A giggle escaping your body as you watch her.

"How are you feeling?" Eren asks before sitting on the bed.

"I'm alright, but I'll need to stay behind during the next few expeditions. I should be good as new in a month or two!"

They stay with you for a little less than an hour, telling you all about their experiences with the failed mission. You find out from them which soldiers were lost and which were injured, along with other small details Hanji didn't mention.

A knock on the door causes all eyes to turn away from you for a moment. Hanji starts to enter, and then gasps as she realizes you have guests.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asks.

You flash her a caring smile while reaching your hand out to grab hers. She blushes slightly, but sits beside you. "Of course not. I was wondering where you were," you say. Mikasa makes eye contact with you, and then looks pointedly at your hands as they sit clasped. You blush too.

"Meeting with the Commander," Hanji sighs, "It went on for longer than expected, I'm sorry."

You could hear the giggles coming from your friends as their eyes rest upon you and Hanji.

"We should get going now, but we'll be sure to come over again soon!" Armin says as he and Mikasa push the rest of the group through the door.

Hanji leans forward to kiss your forehead. You close your eyes, and when you open them, you meet Mikasa's emotionless gaze from a crack in the doorway, Hanji's lips still on you. Your eyes widen, but Mikasa just nods, face unchanged, and closes the door behind herself.

"They're good friends to you," Hanji says after a few seconds.

You smile."They're also a handful. But yeah, you're right."

A long, rather comforting silence passes between the two of you. During the silence, you take time to focus on how soft her skin feels against your fingers, tracing the visible veins on her hand as your mind drifts away. You're pulled back to reality as soon as you hear her voice.

"It's a beautiful day outside, would you like to sit on the grass with me?"

The breeze rushes through your messy hair as you adjust yourself on top of the blanket. You squint your eyes and places your arm against your forehead in an attempt to keep the sunshine from hurting your vision.

"There's something I want to ask you, Hanji," you mumble.

"Yes?" She inquires, tilting her head while looking at you.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" The expression on your face remains the same as when you had been peacefully basking in the sun, but you can hear your blush rushing, heart pounding in your ears. She looks away while blushing, and you're able to notice a smile appear on her face.

"There's nothing I would like more," she says, turning to face you once again. "Well maybe an abnormal, but I do want this a lot."

"You're impossible!" you say while gently pushing her arm.

As you two laugh, your bodies get closer as if they are moving on their own until your lips are sealed in a love-filled kiss. You wrap your arms around her neck while she grabs your hips, slowly pulling you onto her lap.

"I'm in love with you, Hanji." you whisper against her lips, not wanting anyone else to hear these words but her.

"And I'm in love with you, Y/N."

You hug her tightly, feeling her hair against your face as the smell of her shampoo fills your nose. For the first time since you started to prepare for the now-failed mission that led to your injury, your body isn't in pain anymore. You can relax in Hanji's arms, knowing that your long time crush is finally your partner. You can worry about researches and experiments and missions later, right now all you need is Hanji.

"Let's stay here for a little while longer," she says before resting her back against the grass, carefully pulling you towards her. Your head rests on her shoulder as your fingers lace together, a feeling of peace takes over your body knowing that from now on, you'll have her by your side no matter what.

"Yeah... I would like that." You say as you close your eyes, focusing on her breathing as the warmth of the sun and the gentle breeze lull you to sleep. Maybe the next time Hanji comes up with the idea to capture another titan, you'll stay in the lab instead.

#my sunshine #hanji zoe x reader #hange zoe x reader #fanfiction #snk #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #hange x reader #hanji x reader #hanji zoe/reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #snk fanfiction #snk fanfic #aot fanfic #aot fanfiction

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zelterxc · 3 years

Text

If I had a dollar for every time someone compared something I worked hard on for some irrelevant popular fandom character shit I would have probably 10 dollars by now which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happens This Often

First it’s Peter being called Vincent or William Afton when I even explicitly state he isn’t, then it’s a dragon character ive had for a decade that people won’t stop comparing to yugiohs blue eyes white dragon, now it’s some gift art I made for a cool artist being mistaken for something from flight rising shdjjdkfjf IT DOESNT EVEN LOOK LIKE THE THING UR TAGGING IT AS. AT ALL?? NONE OF THESE THINGS LOOK LIKE THE THING YOURE CALLING THEM-

Talk abt impostor syndrome or something I’m probably just gonna accept my fate by now lmfao jeez

I’m not legit pissed about it [yet] but it’s getting concerning/annoying how often these things happen now like yo wtf how are y’all so oblivious/ignorant. It’s starting to make sense to me how Shadow was mistaken for Sonic, Zero Beat mistaken for Beat—

Ppl rly just draw comparisons from the absolute bare essentials huh

ok sorry for rant but like yikes lol

#ralph speaks #blows off a lil steam on main #a couple times could be fine but bitch?#as often as I hear these things? somethings wrong with yall #vent #delete later #probably. idk

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abraxos-is-toothless · 4 years

Text

Surprises

Chapter 11 a day early because I couldn’t resist. A bit of a longer one this is too:)

Thank you @bryaxisthefaceofnightmares for checking this over for me😘

Full Masterlist.

Previous Chapter.

Surprises Masterlist.

I had no gif for this one because I don’t want to give things away😏

Chapter 11

—————

Cassian thought that today was going to be a quiet day with his brothers...until the girls came back with arms full of bags and a long story about each item they had bought.

He was wrong, so very wrong.

After the girls had disappeared out of the door, they had spent the first hour on cleaning up so their mother wouldn’t have to do anything when she got back from her shift at the hospital. People used to bully him often at being adopted, throwing words such as ‘bastard’ and ‘orphan’ at him, but he didn’t care. This was the best home he’d ever had, and no amount of verbal abuse would make him resent it. Ever.

It was now mid-afternoon and the girls still hadn’t come back when they were usually done by lunch, so he and his brothers decided to watch a movie, and Cassian smirked as he listened to Rhys and Az grumbling since it was his turn to pick.

“Cass, we’ve watched Mission Impossible so many times already. Can’t we watch something else?” Azriel groaned.

“It’s my turn to choose and this is what we’re watching.”

Rhys just threw a handful of popcorn at him, which he ate one by one, and relaxed in the chair as he accepted his fate.

Thirty minutes later, there was a muffled bang of the front door before feet were stomping down the stairs to the basement. He turned his head away from the TV in time to see Nesta turn the corner.

“Hey sweet-“

He stopped talking once he got a look at the murderous rage written across her face.

“You’re a dead man.”

She said it with such calmness that it actually gave Cassian chills, but she wasn’t looking at him nor Rhys - who had once been on the receiving end of her anger when she had caught him in a very compromising position with Feyre. No, this time that anger was directed at Azriel, and when he turned to look at his brother, he stood staring back - his face as white as a sheet. Before he could question her about what was wrong, his girlfriend had crossed the room, landed a right hook to his brother’s face, and had pinned him against the wall within the next second.

He moved fast then, hooking an arm around Nesta’s waist to pull her back against him and out of reach of Az, while Rhys fussed over their wounded brother.

“Nes, sweetheart, you need to calm down and use your words.”

She had stopped struggling when she realised he wasn’t letting go, but she was still tense in his arms and he flinched when she dug her nails into his forearm as she began to speak.

“He and Elain only started dating around a month ago, so I want him to explain to me how my sister is about four and a half months pregnant.”

He stilled at that and watched as Rhys turned to look at Nesta full of shock - as if he didn’t believe her at all. Azriel’s expression was full of guilt as he tried and failed to explain.

“I- We just-,” a sigh, as if he was accepting defeat. “How do you know? I- it happened at that party we threw here. The two of us were drunk and we left to go to my room when I noticed how uncomfortable she was when Cass started a game of spin the bottle. We were going to tell everyone, but we just weren’t ready.”

Fuck, it was true. His brother had knocked up the sweetest girl in existence.

“Elain was in one of the fitting rooms trying on things Feyre picked when she collapsed. She wasn’t responding and she was unconscious by the time we got the door open and I had to call an ambulance.”

Azriel was on his feet faster than a speeding bullet, scarred hands shaking as he struggled to breathe.

“Is she alright? Are they alright?” He was near sobbing as he asked.

Nesta just stared blank faced at him and both he and Rhys flinched when Az, someone that had never raised his voice in anger, shouted;

“Fucking tell me, Nesta!”

“She collapsed from dehydration, so they’ve got her hooked up to an IV to get some fluids into her.”

“What about the baby?” Az asked. His voice was soft and shaky. Cassian had never seen his brother so scared, not even when he turned up at the door bloody and burnt all those years ago.

“The baby is fine.”

He felt his heart ache slightly then when Azriel really did start sobbing, one hand clutching Rhys’ shoulder and the other covering his face. It all sunk in fully at the sight and despite the tension in the room, he grinned.

“Lainy is having a baby? I’m going to be an Uncle?”

His girlfriend turned in his arms and stared at him for a moment before closing her eyes and grimacing.

Not good.

“Not if my Father has anything to do with it. He’s on his way to the hospital and if he’s off the rails again...this will not end well.”

Really, really not good.

oOoOo

Elain had barely spoken since she had woken up in the hospital to the sound of Nesta’s angry voice and Feyre’s soothing tones.

She blinked slowly trying to open her eyes, and was met with bright lights that had her squinting. Nesta was shouting but she didn’t know who or what she was shouting at.

“What the fuck do you mean she’s pregnant?”

Oh shit, shit, shit.

Feyre’s voice was soft as she tried to calm their sister down but it didn’t seem to be working from what she could tell.

“Nes calm down and let him speak.”

The doctor was visible now and, despite how bored he sounded, she could tell that he was slightly scared of Nesta. Who wouldn’t be when faced with the person everyone called the ‘she devil’?

“I’m sorry Miss. Archeron, but your sister really is pregnant. About four months and a few weeks along, actually.”

Nesta was already storming out of the room when she finally made her mouth work.

“Fey? I di-...I was going to tell you.”

Her sister was by her side in an instant, cradling her face between her palms.

“Shh, it’s alright El. She’ll come around but, uh, Dad is on his way.”

No, no, no.

“But he’ll-...he’s going to make me-“

“Elain, listen to me. You and Azriel have clearly made a decision. I will not let him take that from you. None of us will.”

She sobbed in her sister's arms then, sobbed until her voice was hoarse and she fell asleep from exhaustion.

Now she was sitting in her hospital bed waiting for a nurse to come in to take her for an ultrasound. They wanted to double check that everything with the baby was fine, so as much as she wanted to get out of the place, she would stay. For her baby, she would do everything that was necessary. Feyre was sitting in the chair on the other side of the room reading a magazine, and Elain was just about to ask if she could have a glass of water when there was a light knock at the door and a nurse walked in with her head down.

“Now Mis- wait Archeron? Elain?”

Elain’s head snapped up to see Rhys’ mother, Azriel and Cassian’s adoptive mother, Elysia, wide-eyed and gaping slightly in the doorway. As soon as she realised it really was who was written down, she rushed over to the bed, her ‘mom mode’ dial turned right up, fretting over her and lifting a hand to cup one side of her face.

“Gods, Elain, I had no idea you were here. If I had known I’d have come right away. This says you’re pregnant, is that, is it true?"

“Yes.”

She said it as a whisper, knowing what question would come next and silently bracing herself for the woman’s next reaction.

“Who’s the father? Is it Lucien?”

This is going to be fun.

“No ma’am, it’s not. The father is Azriel.”

She expected to see anger and disappointment on Elysia’s face, but instead she saw shock and surprise. It looked like she had no idea that Elain and Az were together, but there was a smile on her face as she spoke again.

“I’m going to be a Grandma? And what’s all of this ‘ma’am’ business? How many times do I have to tell you girls to call me Lys?”

All she could do was smile warily and nod, and then the next thing she knew, she was brought into a bone crushing hug.

“I haven’t had a chance to have a real conversation with the boys in weeks with all of the overtime and extra shifts, I had no idea you were together. I’m going to be right here every step of the way now though, although I do wish you’d waited a while longer.”

“I’m sorry, Lys.”

“Nonsense. Now, let me get that ultrasound done, yes? Once they realise what I am to you they won’t let me do another, but you’ll be waiting forever for another nurse.”

While Elysia fiddled around with the machine, Feyre came over with a grin and helped her adjust her shirt ready. Before she had the horribly cold gel squeezed onto her abdomen, Elysia asked her one final question that Elain had no idea would scare her so much, but make her so incredibly excited all at once.

“Before we start, would you like to know the gender of your baby?”

Yes, yes she would.

oOoOo

It had been half an hour since Feyre had phoned Nesta to say they were on the way home, the Archeron’s home, and Azriel had run straight to his car, eager to meet them there. The others had followed, because of course they would. Nesta had told him that his mother knew now, as she had ended up being Elain’s nurse, and that their father had never turned up at the hospital. His brothers were almost vibrating with energy, obviously hoping to witness the scolding he would surely soon receive from their mother.

He was now pacing in front of the steps to the house, waiting for his mother’s familiar car to pull into the driveway and by the time he did see it, he was surprised he hadn’t burned a hole into the floor. As soon as Elain had stepped out of the car and began walking towards the house, he was running and he didn’t stop until he’d reached her and lifted her into his arms.

“Gods, you scared me so fucking much Ellie. You’re not leaving my sight again.”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He put her back onto her feet, but didn’t let go of her, keeping her tucked into his chest. He kissed all over her face before reluctantly pulling back and linking their hands together.

“But, you’re alright now though? Everything’s okay?”

“Yes, I’m alright, I promise.”

He didn’t want to ask the next question, but he had to. He had to know or he’d drive himself mad with worry.

“And the baby?”

Elain smiled at him then. That wide and beautifully bright smile that made him feel as if his legs would give out under him.

“Yes, she’s fine too.”

She. A girl.

He was going to have a girl, a beautiful little girl. He cried then, in front of everyone, lifting Elain back into his arms as he breathed out three little words that he hadn’t realised he’d felt until that moment.

“I love you. God, I love you.”

Azriel heard the catch in her breath before she crashed her mouth into his. It was hard and rough before he slowed it down, making it gentler. Their families were watching, but, in that moment, he didn’t care. He parted her lips with his as he tangled a hand in her hair, swallowing her moan as he ran his tongue across the roof of her mouth. She bit his lip and pulled before letting go and he felt the words as she spoke them... making it feel so much more intimate.

“I love you too.”

He tucked her face into the crook of his neck and then looked over her shoulder to see his mother with tears in her eyes, grinning widely at them both. Just as he was about to smile back, the sound of a car engine stopped him, and they all turned to see a car speeding into the drive, watching as it almost swerved into a wall. It pulled to a screeching stop, and then the girls’ father was stumbling out of the driver’s door, clearly drunk as he swayed from side to side with a half empty beer bottle in his hand. When he caught sight of Elain in Azriel’s arms, his face turned murderous.

And then he was coming at them, and Az only had a second to push Elain behind him before her father pulled back his arm with the bottle in his hand.

—————

*peeks from my hidey hole* I want you all to remember that I love you😬 Let me know if you want to be removed/added to the tags💙

Tags: @starlitfangirl @starsauroras @drunken-starz @myfriendscallmeraba @thesirenwashere @empress-sei @elrielllll @stars-falling @cirieael @verifiefangirl @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn @fancyclodpaintercookie @acourtofterrasenandvelaris @silver-flames @queen-of-glass @bamchickawowow @empress-ofbloodshed @sleeping-and-books @b00kworm @kvi-arts @rhysandhlcor @tswaney17 @awkward-avocado-s @judexcardanxgreenbriar @junkiejosten10 @mu-si-ca-l @agem10 @harmonyindark245 @slightly-sane-fangirl @tanaquilpriscilla

#acotar #acotar fic #elain archeron #azriel #elain x azriel #elriel #surprises #surprises fic #feyre archeron #nesta archeron #rhysand #cassian #cassian pov #my fic #rhys’ mother is here #i gave her a name #haz writes

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luvuwite · 4 years

Note

all, go

i hate you

1. What was the last present you gave?

uMMMM probably a commission i gave to pancake (archie/vivi)

2. What was the last present you received?

i dunno? if its a doodle then i got that a week back!

3. What animal best represents your personality?

from the oOoOO spirit animal tests i took im a snek

4. What are you most afraid of?

sometimes my own mind EYES EMOJI

5. Who is your favourite villain?

HMMMMMMM probably like,, megamind i love him

6. Who is your favourite family member? (we all have one, admit it)

MY SISTERRRR

7. If you could name your own planet what would it be called?

myanus

8. Stars or Moon?

stars!!

9. Do you have/want kinds?

if my other partner wants them, sure

10. What is your greatest life goal?

making it this far

11. What is something you can’t live without?

soup

12. What is a place you associate with your childhood?

one of the parks near the store-area

13. How was your first kiss/how would you like your first kiss to go?

i never kissed, so i wouldn’t know, but pls,,,ask for consent,,, and warn me if we gonna kiss or not,,,,,

14. What is some life advice you have acquired?

ive learned a lil’ bit, but one of em probably has to be to just be like,, dont cry over something you know is fake, at least thats what i remember atm HAHA

15. Who in history has influenced you?

bruh i dont like history idk

16. What is something strange that you think about often?

h,,,hopless romantic noISIJEIORQ AHHAHA i like to think about weird scenarios in my head basically

17. Baths or Showers?

showrr i get shy with myself in baths

18. Tea of Coffee?

coffee

19. Alcohol or soft drink?

alchohol bad brisk brisk brisk

20. Writing or typing?

typing since its easier

21. What is you most favourite thing in your bedroom?

my bed its sexy and comfy

22. Spontaneous holiday! Where are you going and with who?

wait what UH I DONT KNOW probably just close close friends and family

23. Introverted or Extraverted?

i have my moments with both

24. Describe yourself in two words.

small and aggressive

31. What do you think of when you hear ‘portrait’?

a picture or image of someone/something

32. Tell me about your partner/ideal partner?

i mean no one is perfect yeah? i just want them to be honest with me and accept my AHEM struGGLES with relationships since im not the best partner

33. Tell me about your siblings, if you have any?

my sister is what you call a “girly girl”, she likes disney movies, outdoors, being loud and running around, yknow just like any other child ever

35. What are you a big advocate for?

my friends!!

36. If you’re comfortable to answer, what is the sickest you have ever been?

migraine + stomach bug + mental in trash + stomach pains + lil appendix pain

37. When were you the most scared in your life?

when i broke my arm

38. Ever had a paranormal experience?

ACTUALLY YEAH i thought i heard someone yelling help outside my window and i peaked out and realized it was nothing and i figured i was just tired but i was still kinda freaked

39. Biggest celebrity crush at the moment?

im not like other girls,,,,....

40. What is something happening in your life right now?

uhhh just general anxiousness/paranoia(?) tbh

41. What is your favourite mythological creature?

DRAAAAGOOOOOON

42. Marvel or DC?

dont know what those are

43. What object would be on your family’s banner?

soup

44. Favourite flower?

pink rose

45. One characteristic you like in a partner?

s,,,support/reassurance pls

46. What planet/star would you travel to if it were possible?

i wanna,,,, actually i dont know i think i would just enjoy floating around in general

47. What is your favourite meal… ever?

soup

48. First time…. doing anything. Describe your first time doing something?

first time i drew was twiggit sperkl and that was the most proudest i ever felt

49. Who is your favourite superhero?

bRUHHH I DUNNO I DONT WATCH THAT STUF

50. What is your favourite poem? Recite it?

i dont read

51. What is an exercise you despise doing.

burpees

52. Secret talent?

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

fite

53. Current song on replay replay replay?

[x]

55. If you weren’t in your current occupation what would you be doing?

sleeping probably

56. What is the first thing you notice about the person you fancy?

,,y,yo they kinda,,,, scrumptious,,, AHUIWRWQI

57. If you had one wish that would definitely come true, what would it be?

yes

58. If you could time travel, when and where would you visit?

i would go to future bc i wanna see what i look like

59. What is your lucky number?

60. If you adopt a pet what would it be and what would you name it?

a cat!! and i actually am planning a name and calling them clementine!!

61. Do you believe in fate/everything happens for a reason?

i believe your fate is decided by ur own actions/words

62. What is your favourite thing about your personality?

im not too hard to get along with,, i hope

63. What is your favourite thing about your appearance?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

64. What is your favourite clothing store?

primark bc everything is like 2 bucks

65. What is your favourite online store?

i dont do online shopping too much

66. Use one word to describe your most favourite person?

observant

67. How do you usually have your hair?

down with a clip, then ponytail next day

68. What was your favourite subject in high school?

math

69. What makes you feel empowered?

power over something/someone(as a joke/in games, not in a bad way)

70. What motivates you to do something?

a prize at the end

71. What advice would you give someone who is going through a rough time?

it gets worse before it gets better, and in the worse ill be there for you so you dont have to go through this alone

72. Ideal date?

wendys!!! sweater weather!!! cuddle!!! left 4 dead!!! comfy clothes!!!

73. What is the best date night movie?

i am not that attractive to be taken out on a date

74. What is something you are currently looking forward to?

nothing atm tbh im just here bc i have to beIEOJRWIOE

75. Tell me a funny joke?

oo wa oh wa ooh

76. Do you like musicals? If so, what’s your favourite?

never listened to one actually

77. What is your favourite song currently?

sweater weather. always.

78. What song never fails to make you dance?

POP EYED JOEEEEE IVE BEEN LIVING???? LONG TIME YOOO

79. What is your favourite “classic?”

gnomeo and juliet

80. What is the best advice you have ever been given?

obese paragraph and comfort doodles? lets go

81. Where did you ancestors come from?

puerto rico

82. What have you learned from your parents/guardians?

be tough nugget and dont take shit seriously till you have to

83. What is a phrase you heard a lot growing up?

dont step on the crack or youll break ur mothers back

84. Do you believe in magic?

nnno

85. What reminds you of your best friend?

overwatch

86. What are you passionate about?

dance dance dance

87. Tell me a story from middle school?

one time

the end

88. Who was your favourite teacher and why?

i love my bio teacher rn bro shes such a sweetheart

89. Can you roll your tongue?

yes

90. What made you pursue what you are studying? (including school subjects)

my little pony

91. Where would you like to travel to?

japan for those toys gimme gimme

92. What is something on your bucket-list?

i wanna see coral reef

93. What is home to you?

place that brings feeling of comfort/security

94. What do you do in your free time?

draw

95. If you could buy anything right now, what would it be?

food

96. If you could see anyone, living or dead, right now, who would it be?

probs one of my online friends

97. If you could choose, what would your last meal be?

soup dumplings brisk and rice

98. How would you like to die?

happy

99. List five of your favourite pieces of art (paintings, books, songs etc)

ruby eyes / sweater weather / ponyo / wall-e / idk

100. What would you change about this world?

global warming SHOOO U FAT

#post #ask #long post #sugarbreadz

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crystalis · 4 years

Text

i kmow that im not anywhere near ready for a relationship bc i cant talk to people and im bad at communicating but i think about love all the time, like being intimate with someone and telling thm i love them and it feels really sweet ..

even if like i had feelings for someone and they like wanted me to be their boyfriend or whatever i think i would decline bscauase i know im not ready for that because it would probably end up not working because i struggle too much with communicating .. and i wouldnt want to hurt them by being distant or seeming cold when i dont mean to .. but also like i dont know when i'll be ready for a relationship, if ever. i usually feel like its my fate or something to live my life alone like my brain is just wired like this and im meant to be by myself. but i still long for it and its one of the things that makes me happy to be alive, thinking one day there will be someone i love and they will love me too and we'll be happy together and i wont be alone. its weird to me whrn i see people suffering in loneliness becsuse im so used to it, ive been single since i was 19 which was like a 2 month long-distance relationship i had. and before that it was when i was 16 whrre my boyfriend was horrible to me and our relationship ended terribly and we never spoke to eachother again ..... ive spent so much time by myself that its like.. do i reslly need someone? its been so long i accepted solitude. i mean i still yearn for love, but not in a way thats as painful or makes me cry like i used to.. i cried so much as an 18/19 yo because i felt like i would never be loved again and i grieved for that, i hadnt yet accepted solitude despite the fact that i was the one pushing everhone away. i wanted to be loved, i pleaded and begged to be loved and i wanted my love to be accepted by others. all the while turning away and closing the door, closing my eyes and covering my ears .. i would not answer the phone, i wohld not even speak to the person i had feelings for. and its that second self that lives inside me tht wont let go of me, saying that i must be alone. for years i was smotherrd and i couldnt get away, and its like im trying to make up for it or something, like no one can have me. no one will ever get ahold of me ahain, because i was once suffocated. i refuse to ever be smothered again i will never be guilt tripped or manipulated again, i will mever be trapped in 14 hour daily skype calls again and i learned to love solitude because i believed that solitude was freedom, and it still feels that way, 6 years later even when it may become painful

so im trapped with my self now. i pushed eberyone away and locked myself inside my own skull so i can die in bliss alone. i dont know how to escape the cycle of self isolation and wanting to heal and grow, it flips constantly .. i know its judt the fear of stepping out of a comfort zone, like im safe alone, and i dont ever want to feel pain like i did. the pain of a dysfunctional relationship is far worse than the pain of loneliness but i can never heal by isolatimg myself forever.... like whst am i even supposed to do .. i mesn i know what im supposed to do its just hard and i feel like i cant

#sorry crinhe wall of text #i said all this twenty times before it just hurts sometimes more thsn others snf i want to feel listened to and understood

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40ozalctears · 5 years

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i am leaving this tedious attempt at poignancy. find us again in the same spot we left our glasses broken so we only saw the shapes of the things we loved i want to love again (2 parts)

pt 1 (Waking) appears to me as echos or with glasses removed it is only ever a valley of lights loud cold and I couldnt ever make out a predator let alone one so sweet of skin and soft of lips with cadences baked in the lowest cloud of heaven that u called what was it ah yes, abode for we slayed there the evils of no knowing all hope exists from accept to give.... relax on it wait that’s not correct, ruminate? purple prose again. hearkens to the middle school entries hatred of self in understand the loss of cold is new spring then insanity after i spread my wings to be so finely tuned, clipped ripped and reborn. sewn alone. bored. go yes. ruminate is a word. i love it actually i love so much, but little riddles get me a little upset should i sit on cold tea with their syllables gnawing like a rodent. words only. do you kno how many times ive rhymed herd with ah...it is just so easy..ah men..amen..so many rhymes and times and...shall I say with no pursuers? crime If anyone wants to cut this gem. I don’t want 2 b evicted. i wann be convicted, w8..that aint sound rite I wanna live with conviction, in silence and diction, keep it buttery even wehn low and muttery. dumb st Uttering. hey You! yes U. The One who reached out. A begins with name (riddle me that, little one. saddle up city slicker trust me im a licker woops that was fun and might suggest a too soon moon when the suns out. day drink beauty sinks so here i am as well. with the wine so gone carving like meat of the stomach walls, and so stolen from Somerled market and I sat so stoic in the garden of Anglican church - xanax and wine, sometimes lime liquer. I don’t quite write too much of anything but the times I had solitude thoughts. I balanced the cig pack on the wine bottles all this coddling years and my rot is the fears that I jeered into an asylum for a less lovely fated me I see your calling’s thirst for a pretty face has been sated, see Sea. Pacific. Specifically. Sea air and all of me. Missing a part A heart. Slowly doing the youngin’ rhyme schemes. I have never yelled as a pastor but I swear as a messiah i tried against the dog leash will of the bindings that i was the one. yeah the one at the end of all the holy books look. let’s just share more over tea Like I said, ochre stream and a tiara of sea emerald. hm, topaz? so lasted this long, well done for song jst words tho. blow dro, no hope jus cope but yo we can b here as second letter in the alphabet. soup. loot. fruits and goodness see, here, c is three and I am losing it over the recurrence of how U! Silly one, deserve the entire depth of sea. Tiara ok I have snaked myself into puzzle of words. I’m scared, uh... Save me lady! Or lately maybe you could simply not snake me? should i find u again in the desperate dreams turning darker darker for ive been a rodent slow dent in skull for u ive been in den for so long. sea all happening tho watching the depth n wat uuuuuu Deserve I don’t ever hope to learn. Burn and then into the urn world will turn it...Mwah! Ripe trite for the wrong man for a song girl, together, seemed able to rip seams of this wrong world. PT 2. I fear the sleep alone and another day as so. drifting to shaded shallows should we stress our closeness like continents then the richer we’ll be for the digging of dreams, and et cetera matched in flames of your worst kept things and face washed in mascara tint let’s keep it out of the high grass. for an emotional and addicted boy there is always a stern no. finger wag, it is strange that it is always for my own fucked mistakes so angular, not cute and soft and circle shaped so fucking clear with every fucked mistake i make. ive made. you’ve said it best in curses beyond what the children know as what we keep from them and only mix them and their brood with smiles and helium balloons but within chests there’s curses for the evil done - without denying i have taken a sharp bite of some if only for a ship to sail in dreams between the time light wakes, so something could complete , just for once. it all seems twigs breaking before the fire, and these bones have been shedding their layers like bugs in this late summer and every time, prostrate, i beg and beg granted gifts from upper things. no use in saying how i am sorry so much to say if you find me lost as lost can be and burnt broken once hoping having detachment turn to hate and i’d fail my mother if i let myself hate like anyone would do to her or you or anyone but me you can make me bleed forever if it keeps your mind off whatever your mind needs off of. my minds is far too often far too often on and not ever turning on in sleep of death what dreams may come fuck the tragedies we can rewrite it in simple broken english till theyre silly comedies and u see Autumn, like Fall with me and I return to you of me I have been screeching to anyone they call me insane because i’m so excited to try to care again. they call me insane so much just for how boyish i become of a bouncy little soft thing if one would let me prove i can do it and if you look me in the eyes, i would hope that you would say “You FUCKER! Love, please, for fuck’s sake, prove it.” Sisyphus taught me fuck the weight we got fuck how the soft gets claimed by the rot I want to show you I’m ready to eternally uselessly help you hold the weight stable of rock and push it forever and ever and ever and ever and evernadnever.

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bolbianddolanhouse · 5 years

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BNHA self insert AU

Part 1, Start from the way beginning here!

Chapter 30.5: I’m Not Playing These Games!

There I stood in front of the person that made me flee to protect my family, the gang leader himself, Johnny. Two years since the incident and he shows up at my most vulnerable.

“How the hell did you get here anyways.”

“My right hand man here pulled what you would call a ‘pro gamer’ move and transported us here” he gives me a look “this would’ve been you but you just had to be good at heart and play hero” they roll closer to me “now everyone and their abuela are rising up and becoming the very thing that has failed them, heroes never gave a shit about us!” his voice steadily raising “I’ve killed them all and look what it has brought, no heroes and local law running in fear but I’m not the bad guy. If anyone wanted to join, they get the freedom to use their quirk in public, I’m empowering them!”

“That’s not empowerment!” I bark back “that’s terrorism! The people join out of fear and you use them like pawns to take over!”

“Terrorism, liberation, same thing!” he rolled his eyes “point is, I’m here to kill you once and for all!” he stopped 5 feet away from me “I don’t let anyone live to tell the tale of fighting me!”

“What will killing me do for you now?” I tried to find the logic in his plan “I’m already not returning home and everyone thinks I’m dead.”

“Ah I though so too until Humberto couldn’t shut his mouth about you being alive because he could see some ‘red string’ bullshit” he scoffed “his cousin pried information from him and I just had to see for myself, he had visions of you roaming around these streets and going to some sort of hero training school.”

“Fuck, he would develop his quirk better when I died” I muttered to myself. I had to think fast, since I’m not at 100 percent because technically my body is still healing itself AND I only had one gun on me with 10 bullets. “I’ve defeated you once, and I’ll do it again!”

“Oh? Where you planning to throw fists in this GUN fight?!” he pulls out a very weathered and old rifle, like it was cool “I brought the HEAT tonight!”

Out of habit, I pulled out my gun but burst laughing when I saw what he had “That?- pbbt! Boi brought the rifle Winston Churchill used in the war!” I cackled and made the other person crack up too. I start to tear up “Yo! How much did that cost you? 5 bags of wheat and a chicken?!” I laughed harder and the other person was rolling on the floor laughing out of control.

“Sorry boss but I warned you” said the lackey, trying to stop laughing “she was gonna roast you ass all because you took the gun from that veteran’s display at Century High.”

“Fuck you guys!” he cocked the gun “I’ll just end yall laughing!”

At that moment, I lunged forward and knocked the gun out of his hands and threw in an elbow to buy me time to escape. I ran toward the warehouse area, hoping to hide and teleport out to familiar area. The area was void of anybody and my plan to teleport out was a bust because my body can’t handle a 100 meter teleportation, let alone a 2 mile one! Plan B, send an SOS ping to Mimi while hiding. I hid behind a tall stack of pallets, the sound of the other two coming closer and closer to the warehouse.

“19 to 20, can you hear me?”

“Loud and clear, what is going on?”

“Code Moonbeam, I need backup and escape.”

“-gasp- Who’s the perp?”

“It’s the gang leader that caused me to leave home, he found me.” The sound of a loud bang of metal on metal was heard, startling me. “Just please send me anyone that’s near downtown! I’m in a warehouse with the number 64 painted on it.”

“We’re on it! Hang tight!”

I’m absolutely terrified, who knows how long help will arrive or if I’ll make it out alive. This isn’t a training game, I have a high chance of not surviving this one.

“COME OUT, COME OUT ITATI!” yelled Johnny with a gun cock “I know you’re here! just give up and accept your fate.” He breathes heavily “I’ll make sure to put you in that empty casket!”

I stifle my sob, I was basically a sitting duck, waiting to get plucked. Two minutes of keeping silent, I hear a very distinct ‘SMASH!’ battle cry followed by the sound of a brick wall breaking. I peer over the pallets and see Midoriya, Bakugo, Iida, Todoroki, Uraraka and Kirishima. I ping Mimi again.

“Hey um 20, quick question, WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“IT WAS THE BEST I COULD DO! Everyone else was indispatch-able in a reasonable amount of time.”

“Okay, so who else is on the way?”

“Your caseworker, Hemingway, Midnight and myself with Jin.”

“HURRY PLEASE before the twinks become my liability!”

I look on to the madness going on the other side of my hiding spot, these crackheads are really wailing on Johnny and his right hand man. It wasn’t safe for me to come out and I had to think of something quick. Uraraka and Todoroki found me and almost gave away my location.

“Palma-san! Thank goodness you’re alright” sighed Uraraka in relief “who is that person in the wheelchair? and why are those two a threat?”

“No time to explain” I squeeze my eyes shut “I’m trying to think of a plan that won’t risk my body to further damage” I bring my hands to my face “I can’t teleport nor levitate very strongly and I only have 8 bullets now.”

“I saw that he has fire” Todoroki put his hand on my knee “if you copy my fire quirk, will that help your thought process?”

“Shoto, you’ve been granted the brain cell tonight!” my face lit up “I can still copy! This will work perfectly!” I clap my hands to refocus my thoughts “Shoto, on my cue, I want you to form an ice dome to trap in those two. Uraraka, on my cue, drop that stack of pallets on them. I’ll distract them long enough to get things in motion.” I stand up “In the meantime, Shoto, I’m counting on you to let everyone know to back off because I came up with a plan.”

“Right!” both affirmed with me before getting to their part of the plan. I copy Todoroki’s quirk and ran out to the action.

“ENOUGH FOOLING AROUND JOHNNY!” I bellowed to stop everything “this a fight between you and me! Square up if you’re so tough!” I strike a power stance to show my seriousness.

“Need I remind you that you’re the reason I can’t fight at my best anymore” he drops his rifle “you disabled my ability to use telekinesis along with my ability to walk” he summoned fire on the palms of his hands “you’re the real villain here! Fuck you and your heroics! People like you deserve death!”

“NO! It’s you that’s the villain” I take slow steps forward “I came here to hide from the terror you’ve caused in our quiet piece of town! No more will I hide, we settle this once and for all!” I unzip my bomber jacket and go into a fighting stance, everyone backed off the moment I got in my stance.

“Fine by me!” Johnny clenched his fists “first to die, loses.”

“BET!” I scream as I do the Rising Phoenix, flames cover my body and burn off my non-flame resistant items, luckily my outfit was flame resistant. I fight them the best I could to get them all in one spot for the plan to work but I was getting tired fast. My body was trembling for me to stop using the fire quirk by the time I get them where I wanted “URARAKA!” I screamed and the pallets fell on top of the two. “SHOTO NOW!” a blast of ice came in on the left and quickly engulfed them in a thick ice dome. I released my fire copy and gasped for air.

“Are they dead?!” worriedly peeped Midoriya.

“Not yet” I smirked “I’m gonna contact the police and caseworker, they’ll-” and before I could put my finger to the earpiece, I heard the ice cracking “TAKE COVER!” It was too late for me, since I was the closest, I got hit with shards of ice and got knocked down onto my back. I sat up quickly and saw that the two weren’t there but I knew exactly what happened. “The other person’s quirk was Wormhole!” I facepalmed myself “of course it was! That’s how they got here without a plane, they wormholed to coordinates.” I felt myself go weaker and weaker “Is everyone...okay?”

“Don’t move!” Bakugo cried out “you’re bleeding, somebody help me stop the bleeding!”

I look at my body and I saw a piece of ice the size and thickness of a portfolio file, pierced into my upper navel. I touch my wound and saw the blood on my hand “Huh? So I am” the sound of everyone panicking around me was fading, my vision blurring “just leave me here to die, it’s okay” I said smiling, accepting my fate “I lost, tell my family I love them, I’m coming home Jesus.” I slowly close my eyes because finally my agony of being in hiding and not being happy were coming to an end. I felt my body go into a comfortable numb feeling along with feeling light as air. A blinding white light came into view, ‘ah yes, the heavenly gates’ I thought to myself as I felt myself get closer to it. I regained my vision and I was met with a familiar setting of an IV drip, heart rate monitor, brain wave monitor and a TV in the top-right corner of the room.

“DAMMIT! I DIDN’T DIE!” I yell and winced in pain.

“She woke up, doctor” a nurse gasped.

“Bring in the legal guardian” said the doctor, then turned to me “Hello Miss Palma, that was quite the scare you gave your friends” he scribbled on a clipboard “can you recall how you got here?”

“I remember getting the ice in my navel and realizing I was bleeding” I take a look at my surroundings “then I closed my eyes because I thought I was going to finally die, then I felt numb then I saw the light” I looked at the doctor “now I’m here and awake, not dead.”

“Well that’s all thanks to your hero friends” he tucks his pen in his ear “they rushed in with your extremely fatigued body and the bleeding was stopped before you reached critical levels. We expected you to wake up in the late afternoon but it looks like you’re recovering fast.”

“Wait, what time is it?”

“It’s 11pm, you arrived here right before 10pm” he answered me and got up “I’ll leave you to the legal work with your guardian, expect me again in 2 hours.”

My caseworker walked in, tear stained and clutching her flies “Oh sweetheart!” she threw herself over my left side “how could I be so careless to just-”

“It’s not your fault” I interrupted her “nobody could’ve predicted this, I was being erratic and ran off by myself!” I told her everything that happened “Will I be okay?” I asked softy, stopping her scribbling “it’s just that, more and more things are popping up and I’m worried that I won’t be strong enough to last this final year of high school” I try not to cry “I don’t want to be relocated again or get sent home, my heart can’t take another one.”

“Sweetie, don’t cry” she put her files down to hold my hand “you won’t get sent away until the threat is gone. And you don’t have to worry about getting any of your tuition money getting taken away nor the labyrinth exam.”

“Wait what do you mean?” I was taken back by those words.

“The proctor properly documented what went wrong and everyone checked the exam requirements” her smile broke through like sunshine through gray clouds “since you got interrupted by a non-exam projectile by a non-staff, it falls under unfair termination, so you are set to take the real test in the last month of your 3rd year.”

“I got pardoned?!” I got excited but winced in pain “that’s great news! I guess I have time to heal until then huh?”

Midnight walked in with a phone in her hand “Oh it’s true, you are awake” she sighed in relief “We called your parents and your mom had a lot to say, very loudly.”

“Not surprised” I giggle “is she on the line? Put her on speaker.” Midnight put the phone on speaker and put it on my shoulder “hello? Madre?”

“Mija! Que en la Jesus estas haciendo” she exasperated “cada ves me hablan, voy en para cardiaco!”

“Sorry mom” I sighed “pero estoy en el hospital y no soy muerta, but what should I do? I took a lot of damage.”

“Ya saves que nessistas hacer mija” my mother took on a serious tone “ya se que no lo gustas pero dilen nessistas estasis.”

“Estasis? What is that?” muttered Midnight “I don’t think I like the sound of that.”

“I don’t like it either” I groaned “Estasis, or Stasis in english, is a quirk medical procedure were they put you in a mild coma so your body can heal from the inside out BUT this is only done on patients with telekinesis after surgeries, sever injuries and child-birth. Since telekinesis is very hard to suppress, it makes healing very difficult and posing danger to our already damaged bodies.”

“Is that why you didn’t want to go to the hospital after the practice exam?” Midnight sat by my right side, getting at face level with me “you feared of getting into stasis?” I nodded and she gave me a very understanding face “oh Ita, you’re our little trooper but now you really need it” she turned to speak into the phone “okay Mrs Palma, what needs to be done?”

As my mother explains how it’s done, everyone else is in the hallway in anxiety of my well-being.

“Do you think she’s going to be alright?” Kirishima worriedly asked Bakugo and Uraraka “that doctor didn’t seem too worried but that lady and Midnight were in shambles rushing in.”

“I’m worried about Iida-kun” Uraraka softly spoke, turning to were Iida was sitting “he hasn’t said a thing since they took her in. And he hasn’t changed out of his bloodied suit, poor thing, having to carry her limp body and screaming for her to wake up.”

“Probably thinking about their fight before the incident” Kirishima sighed “he thinks this is all his fault.”

“Well, isn’t it?” Bakugo butted in “if he didn’t interfere in her practice exam, wouldn’t she not be here?”

The two thought about Bakugo’s point and how it was true technically but then a portal appeared. Mimi and Jin rushed out of the portal.

Mimi scanned the room and locked sights onto Iida “YOU!” she screamed and ran over to where he was sitting and grabbed him from his suit collar “You told me that you’d insure her safety! Now I’m gonna lose her all because of your insolence!” when he didn’t give a response, Mimi slapped him so hard it made everyone’s head turn.

“Mimi thats enough!” Jin pleaded “let go of him, we don’t know who’s fault it is yet” he put his hands on her wrists “please babygirl.” She let go of Iida and Jin holds on to her arm “lets go in and check on her, she’ll be happy to see us.”

“Yes, lets” Mimi calmed down and walked into the hospital room with Jin.

-Few hours later-

“Okay Miss Palma” the doctor said as he attached a syringe to the IV drip “I got the dosage attached and it’s a slow drip” he puts his thumb on the plunger of the syringe “why don’t you sing for us” he gestures to everyone in the room “you’ve got quite the audience here.”

“Sure, any requests?” I get ready for the incoming comatose state.

“What’s that french song you sang when you were sweeping the other day?” recalled Uraraka “it’s very pretty.”

“OH I know which one you’re talking about” I clear my throat “okay, ready” the doctor started the drip before I starting singing “Hold me close and hold me fast...” I saw everyone smile and enjoy my singing, slowly feeling the medicine take effect “...and when you speak, angels sing from above...” I could barely feel the warmth of Mimi and Jin’s hands holding mine “...and life will always be, le vie en rose~” my eyes fluttered shut and the rest of my body went limp.

I was expected to wake up in 10 days, in those days, I’m as delicate as a newborn baby. Mimi and Jin take care of me by regulating my body temperature, bathing, feeding me liquids and making sure I don’t get bed sores. It wasn’t difficult but it got lonely as everyone but them got to go home for the holidays. On the ninth day, something came up were they were needed immediately. With Midnight unavailable to care for her, they turned to the help of the hero dorms. They teleported in with Ita swaddled in a sleeping bag.

“Listen up wannabes” Jin demanded everyone’s attention “we need your help for one day, see, we got summoned and can’t leave her alone” he gestures to Mimi “so we’re depending on you to care for her until we return.”

“I have instructions and schedule of feedings and other stuff” she slings off a duffle bag “here’s everything and the food.”

“We’ll take care of things!” Iida stands up to get the bag “you have my word.”

“Good!” she hands over the bag “if you fuck it up, I’ll end you.”

“Mimi, cool it!” Jin scolded “but seriously, if we come back and she’s in worse condition, I’ll make sure you won’t be able to reproduce!”

Mimi hands over Ita, then jumps in the portal.

“Well, I’m confident that we’ll-” he turns and sees that everyone that was in commons area, fled to their rooms “I’ll take care of her” he sighed and took her to his room. He gently set her down on his bed and he sat on the floor to look through the bag. “Let’s see, theres the list and soup” he took out some books and a mini speaker “wonder what these are? Guess I should read the list” everything was neat and organized to Iida’s liking but the contents were a bit strange “let’s see, it’s 11am right now, so she had breakfast already. Next is... read to her?” he was puzzled on the scheduled item “well I can’t ignore it, I shall read to her” he picked up the book with a book mark sticking out of it “this one will do, The Secret Garden, chapter six” he cleared his throat “Next morning, Mary told Martha that she had found Colin...” he gets invested in the book and read it all the way to the end “...And by his side with his head up in the air and his eyes full of laughter walked as strongly and steadily as any boy in Yorkshire—Master Colin! The End.” He looked at the time, it was nearly 3pm! “Oh my- reading this book took so much time! What’s next on the list?” he looked and saw that he missed taking her temperature. He took note of the thermometer after the beep “Okay you’re at 89 degrees, nearing over-heating” he unzips the sleeping bag to see her in comfort wear and thermal socks, her squirming scared him but it was just a reflex. He carries her out to the commons room to set her on the couch as he heated up her soup.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk to you” Bakugo whispered as he sat down near her “but please come back stronger than ever, we need you.”

Tokoyami slid in the moment Bakugo got up to go back to his room “Ita, I miss you dearly” he nuzzled his beak against her forehead “when you wake up, I’ll help you back to your feet, I promise.”

“What are you doing?” Iida asked confused at the sight of Tokoyami nuzzling Ita’s forehead.

“She likes it when I do this” he responded without thinking “but usually were cuddling and kiss-” he stopped his sentence but it was too late, Iida put 2 and 2 together.

“You’re the mysterious boy she’s been sneaking off to make out with?!”

“Well, to be fair to her” Tokoyami laughed nervously “she hasn’t came over for a session for months” he stood up “I think she’s seeing somebody else or maybe is cooling off to start something with someone else?” he gulped “but we were never in a relationship and what we had was just purely physical, she’s a needy girl Iida-kun. If you kissed her, she’ll pounce on you for more.”

Things got very awkward after that, Tokoyami in general avoided Iida for the rest of the day. After Ita’s afternoon feeding came washing her face and letting her on the floor to listen to music. Iida laid on the floor next to her.

“Remember when we’d sit around and talk for hours” he reminisced “and how I’d hold you close, so many times I’d held back kissing you” everything was very still yet the music and company made his room less solemn “I just love you Ita. You’re amazing and I don’t know why you spend time with me when I ruin everything and cause you stress” he reached out to stroke her hair “I’m sorry for making you so angry that day, sometimes I don’t know how to approach things and I just end up ruining things. I have so many things to say to you” he turns his head to face her “I want to tell you how I feel, the dreams I have of you, all the wonderful feelings you give me when you run up with your arms out for a hug, the thoughts I have when I hold your hand” he sighs “but my mind blanks when I want to tell you, not for long though. When you wake up, and the day presents itself, I’ll ask you to be my girlfriend” a warm smile creeps on his face “I’ll give you flowers and set up everything perfectly so you’ll never forget it, we’ll kiss and be filled with our love...won’t that be nice?” he waited for a response like she was conscious “you’re my darling Ita, I love you” he kissed her nose.

Next on the list was to bend her joints and to rub the tension out of her back, it brought back memories from the time she came back from her first practice exam. Iida was feeling the regret of not telling her that day before her couch pass out. That didn’t matter right now, the day will come for his turn. He served her dinner and cleaned her up for bed. Mimi thought ahead and packed an air mattress so she didn’t have to bunk with anybody.

“Iida-kun, are you sure that air mattress is going to fit on your floor?” Midoriya asked in the open doorway of Iida’s room “it’s running up really big and it’s not at half-way inflated.”

“Not to worry” Iida tried to talk over the sound of the air pump “I’ll find a solution to fit this in, as long as she has a soft place to rest.” Ita was lying on his bed on her side, already looking like she fell asleep waiting for Iida to inflate the air bed. Finally, after rearranging half the room, the bed was ready for her. He puts her in the sleeping bag and places her on the air bed with 5 pillows laid about. He closes his door and crawls into his own bed “Good night Ita” he turned to her side of the room as he puts his hand on the light switch of his table lamp “sweet dreams, I love you.”

Dreams of her waking up and being back to her sweet, loving self came to Iida that night. When morning came, it was back to the harsh reality that she isn’t back yet. Still, he was full of duty to take care of her until Mimi and Jin came back later that day.

“Iida-kun, are her eyes supposed to do that?” Uraraka asked as she was looking after her on the couch as Iida was heating up her soup “it’s like she’s trying to open her eyes but can’t.”

“Oh that, yes it is” he responded from the kitchen “it’s more concerning if she doesn’t, it means that her brain is actively functioning at a normal rate.” the sounds of plates being shuffled were heard “I learned that from the papers her friends left for me, apparently when telekinesis users sleep, their brain activity spikes at random and their eyes do the same thing but at a much faster rate.”

“That makes sense on why she can stay up for days at a time” Todoroki said as he leaned in closer to her face “I wonder if she can hear us?”

“Give her some space Shoto” Midoriya warned “what if she wakes up seeing your face up in hers?” he turned to Iida walking in with the soup “can we watch you feed her?”

“Sure but it’s a bit of a strange sight to see her eat” he sat next to her and brought a cooled spoonful of soup to her lips, she does some quick sniffs and opens her mouth slightly to consume the spoonful “it’s an automatic response to swallow liquids so her food consists of soups with smooth textures.”

They keep watching her eat and see some of the after care until Mimi and Jin showed up.

“Alright, looks like she was well taken cared of” Mimi announced as she was inspecting her “thank you so much for caring for her.”

“Not a problem” Iida said bowing “we hope she recovers soon.”

Another 2 days pass, it’s New Years and she hasn’t woken up. Concern and slight panic set in Mimi and Jin as they really don’t know what to do. They call her mother and she said to wait it out a little longer as her brain might be adjusting back slower to full power. Everyone comes back to the dorms the next day and are worried for her, a knock at the door of their dorms kicked everything into high alert.

“Oh Shinso, nice to see you” Jin said relieved as he opened the door “we thought it was somebody else.”

“I came as fast as I could” Shinso panted “is she awake?”

Jin lets him in and walked to her room “That’s our concern” he opened the door to see Mimi taking her temperature “she was predicted to wake up 2 days ago but there’s no signs of her waking up soon.”

“It’s been emotionally taxing these last few weeks” Mimi sighed as she stroked her hair “I really want my baby girl back.”

“Can I have a moment alone with her?” Shinso asked and without hesitation, they got up and let him have his moment. He sighed the moment they closed the door “Oh Ita, I wish I was here to prevent this mess” he held her hand carefully “I have so many stories to tell and things to give you” he looks out of the window, it was dark with light snowfall out “I smoked that blunt you gave me, it was really good and I slept like a log that night” he chuckled “I dreamt about you that night and I couldn’t wait to come back to kiss you and play with you” he leaned in and kissed her lips “it’s not the same, wake up so I can get a proper kiss.”

Like it was on cue, she opened her eyes and groaned. She blinked and looked around her, not really processing what’s going on. “Wha- what day is it?” she stretched her body and her spine realigned “Hey Hitoshi! How was-”

“I can’t believe it!” he gasped “you woke up!” he ran to open the door “SHE WOKE UP!”

“Hmm? What’s the big deal with me being awake?” I asked as everyone piled in to see me.

“You took longer than 10 days to wake up!” Jin cried out, throwing himself onto her for a hug “but you’re back and nothing else matters!”

“Oh fuck really?” I hugged back “I must of been really injured if I took longer to heal.” Jin released his embrace “actually, if you say that, I don’t know if I’m at 100 percent then.”

“What do you mean?” asked Hansai “you took extra time, doesn’t that mean you can get back to things like normal?”

“Not exactly” I responded “I’m going to be weak and vulnerable but now I can sort of do things on my own, WHICH REMINDS ME!” I gesture for everyone to make room for me as I pull the covers off me to get up “it’s time to-” I felt my legs give out like they didn’t even try to support me and I fell.

“Oh shit you alright?” Yuka panicked as she helped me up.

“FUCK ME! I can’t walk” I stressfully screamed “I hate this side effect.”

After some quick planning on my next course of moves, everyone left my room again to leave me and Shinso alone.

“It’s getting really close to your curfew” I checked the clock, it was 7:50pm “you should go before everyone gets worried.”

“I’ll come by tomorrow to tell you about my time away” he leans in to kiss her, she kissed back “until then, stay warm love.”

Those words lingered with me all night, the thought of Shinso being the one I woke up to was making my heart pound. I was motivated to get better now, the sooner I can get back to full health, the sooner Shinso and I can be in an intimate relationship! Even though I had a week and a half until school resumed, I was still too stumbly to do any physical training or walking long distances in that matter. First day back and I was wheelchair bound but this time I had so many people helping me around. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel lonely or pathetic. I had so many holes in my schedule that I could leave 2 hours early if I wanted to. But I planned to fill them with training sessions and helping lower-classmen once I was able to. Soon I was able to walk and run like normal, I felt myself get stronger with my quirk too. Word got out that Iida helped me recover and was the one that carried me to the hospital that night. I gather the courage to say thank you to him after class, since lunch is right after the class we’re in.

“Hey Tenya!” I get in his way to get his attention “can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Sure!” he didn’t hesitate at my request.

I pull him to the far corner of the hall “I just wanted to say, thank you for helping me during my recovery time” I take a deep breath “and, sorry for being angry and shouty before I ran off.”

“Don’t apologize for that” he fixed his glasses “I’m sorry for pushing you too far to make you angry.”

“Well, I was wondering if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you?” I get timid “like, anything at all?”

“No need” he smiled “seeing you healthy and safe is reward enough” he put a hand on my shoulder “I’m just happy you’re back.”

“Okay, if you say so” I give him a tight hug “I’ll pay you back! somehow.” We part ways for lunch but I was in a dilemma, how could I see Iida with intentions of sparking something when things were going well on their way with Shinso?! Was I in denial that Iida doesn’t have feelings for me or that I don’t really want to be in a relationship with Shinso because of some underlying issue? I don’t know, it’s all very confusing that I’m teetering between them two when it’s super obvious who I want to be with. I meet up with Shinso at the roof of the hero dorms for a smoke sesh later that night.

“Hey remember when we danced up here?” Shinso said, laying next to me on the blanket.

“How could I forget?” I smiled, recalling that night “I was so sore from training but I forgot about my pain because you did that.”

“Remember what I said?” he cleared his throat “after the kiss?”

“Yeah~” I start blushing and turned my head away to hide my face.

“I’m holding myself against my word tonight” he gets closer and leans on his side “it’s the right time and I’ve been longing to ask” I turned my head to face him and he holds my hand “will you be my girlfriend?”

My heart felt like it stopped, this is it, your chance at happily ever after. I felt my face glow red and my lips trembling “Yes, I’d love to be your girlfriend.” As he leaned in to kiss me, as if to lock in my answer, my anxiety of if I chose the right answer was lifted off me. That or the high was kicking in, but I was happy that better days were coming...maybe senior year won’t be so bad.

-Chapter 30 End-

FAQ * Chapter 1 * Intro Post

#bnha #mha #self insert au #chapter 30.5 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything #an update in the FAQ

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happy-meo · 7 years

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Masquerade IV: The Dark Side (Jin x Reader x Tae) Part 1

While love may bring out the best in us, it could also bring out the worst.

And so the last saga begins...

** If you haven't read them already, please read the following BEFORE starting this story: Silver Spoon, Masquerade I, Masquerade II, Masquerade III, Masquerade 3.1 & 3.2 drabbles **

Summary: You were never lucky in love. Through disastrous dates, consistent unrequited crushes, and broken relationships, you've constantly been searching for someone to give you genuine love and romance. And through it all, one person had remained your constant shoulder to lean on. Although you had never seen his face, he had given you a sense of confidence and a place of comfort in Club Masquerade. The more times you've failed in love though, the more you realized that may be no one would ever choose you. However, one fateful encounter, thanks to your dog, made you want to hope one more time. Did fate bring you to the one who would finally end your streak of being broken-hearted? Or had the right guy been with you all along?

Jin x Reader x Tae (ft. previous Masquerade characters, Silver Spoon characters, & Got7 Jackson) Fluff, Smut, Angst, Romance Host Au, Cook!Jin, Vet!Tae, Bartender!Tae

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 (Finale)

A/N: And the new series is back! Thank you everyone for waiting so patiently! Sorry for the time lapse without updates. As I said, I experienced a little bit of a writer’s block, and I really wanted to this final installment justice. I had planned this series all together in the beginning, and I hadn’t expected so many people to love and anticipate the Masquerade series, so THANK YOU SO MUCH for allowing me to write all four parts and related Silver Spoon <33 ENJOY!

Most people were brought up with the belief that being humble was respectful and how they should always act when receiving compliments. So much so that most people feel bashful when accepting praises; so much so that they begin to doubt compliments and any positive outlook on themselves, to the point where they begin to downplay their own strengths and focus on their weaknesses.

But that wasn't the case with Jin.

It was a meeting of Heaven and Hell when you first met. He was a ball of positivity and warmth, while you were cold and desolate. In your fit of desperation, you had run into Club Masquerade for relief, for any inkling of being loved, for comfort.

And in his own odd way, Jin gave that to you.

"Wow, you're a hot mess." He had chuckled as he grabbed your hand to lead you away from judgmental eyes.

Your make-up was trailing down your cheeks, your hair was unkempt, and your eyes blood-shot from crying. It was another cliché story of being cheated on and dumped. Another episode of not feeling good enough.

"I want a different person." You thought he was making fun of you.

But he smiled as he led you into a room and stated, "Why? Because I called you hott?"

"You said I'm a hot mess." You repeated.

"Why do people automatically think that's a bad thing?" He laughed as he threw his jacket around your shoulders. "I think you're quite beautiful right now."

You blushed and averted your eyes. "Stop lying."

"Not anyone can rock smudged make up and crying their eyes out, while still managing to look good." He handed you tissues and a mirror. "Unless you're me of course."

You looked at him incredulously. "You wear make-up?"

"No. My face was sculpted by the gods." He stated seriously with a shrug. "I meant I make every emotion look fantastic."

You couldn't help but laugh at his ridiculousness.

"Ah, there's a smile." he grinned as he knelt in front of you. "Everyone should technically have a mask coming in here, but we'll keep this a secret between us."

And your gray world gained a little more color when Jin came into your life.

You had worked in the Seoul branch of the Min Company for years, seemingly as a shadow. You had been one of the only ones who saw Mr. Jung for who he really was in the beginning, while others gossiped about his crabby personality. You knew there was more to him than that. But your crush was quickly hurtled towards the amicable and openly flirtatious Mr. Park. Although he claimed to have a girlfriend, you couldn't stop your feelings. Even if you felt ridiculous, you wanted to be close to him, wanted to get to know him.

Then he brought his girlfriend to the company party and to say you were crushed would be an understatement. You left the party early and ran to Club Masquerade once again.

But you continued to persist, hoping that he would notice you if you made yourself ever so present in his life. And that's when you decided to frequent the cafe where he always got his coffee from, something you had noticed from close observation.

"Mr. Park?"

Jimin turned, surprised.

"Oh my gosh. Hi!" You spotted his girlfriend at the counter. "Mr. Park's girlfriend! I can't remember your name."

"I never gave it." She mused. "How can I help you?"

Jimin burst out in laughter at her snark reply, but he played it off as a cough. You knew better, but you tried to save your face.

"He always came in with this brand of coffee so I wanted to try it for myself." You explained unnecessarily. "I didn't think he'd be coming here to see his girlfriend every morning! How sweet!"

"Yes, very." She curtly agreed. "What will you be having today?"

"Oh right. Whatever Mr. Park gets here." You blushed.

"Coming right up." She smiled warmly.

Your eyes followed Mr. Park who floated to where she was and they began bickering about something. Your lips turned downwards at the sight, wishing it was you he was close to instead. Then you straightened up when his gaze landed on you.

"See you at the office." He pointed at you and you couldn't help but beam, excited that he didn't forget about you.

His girlfriend then handed you your order and whispered, "You should give up. You're not his type."

You looked at her alarmed. How had she been able to tell from the few minutes you had been standing there?

"Well if you hurry you could probably walk with him to the office." She batted her eyes innocently. "Tell him his girlfriend sent you."

You blushed and sprinted out of the cafe, immensely embarrassed. Were the two of them just toying around with you?

So in an effort to get over your crush on unavailable Mr. Park and not make a further fool of yourself, you attempted to date around again, which hardly ever ended well. You fell too hard, too quickly, and always landed flat on your face because of it.

Receptionist pressed her earpiece as you once again rushed into the Club, distraught.

"Jin, your next client is already waiting for you in the room. Looks like another one of her dates went badly so come with the full break up kit."

"On it." Jin hurried out from the back worriedly.

And you constantly wondered when Jin would get irritated and tired of you coming in like this.

But he never did.

In fact, you weren't sure how it happened, but Jin became one of your closest friends.

"Yo." Jackson came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist.

Jin raised an eyebrow as he was putting on his nightly face cream. "Jackson, what did I say about running around naked in the apartment?"

"I'm not naked!" He pointed to the towel. "My goods are covered."

Jin shook his head. "What'd you need?"

"I was just wondering about that customer you have that's always bawling her eyes out." Jackson plopped down on Jin's bed. "Why do you keep her?"

"What do you mean?" Jin questioned.

"I mean, you were a Consoler type until J-Hope graduated. That's the type of Host she wanted. But now you're our best Gentleman persona. Shouldn't you let a full time Consoler handle her?" Jackson asked.

"Mmm..." Jin hummed. "She was my first ever customer, and we've developed a bond of trust. She's been rejected by so many people --"

"Clearly." Jackson snorted.

Jin glared at him and Jackson looked away guiltily.

"I just don't want to be one of those people." Jin stated. "She's really cool when you get to know her."

"Bro, you've got balls." Jackson chuckled. "First, you're the only mask that uses his real name, and now you're the only mask that's taking on two roles. Respect."

Jin smiled. "Well, I didn't want to develop some 'fake' persona. I always want to be myself in everything I do."

Jackson nodded, "Props man, props."

Jin spun around, "How does it feel being the top Aggressor now that Nochu graduated?"

Jackson stretched. "It's a workout since his customers transferred over to me, but it's been good. The ladies love The Wang."

Jin burst into laughter. "I still can't believe you chose that name."

"What?" Jackson bellowed. "It's catchy. And joke all you want, but it makes perfect sense in the situation. Besides, you love puns so out of all people, I expect you to appreciate my genius."

"I do. I do." Jin waved his hand. "Now get your naked butt out of my room."

"Again, I'm not naked." he pointed. "There's a towel over The Wang's wang."

Jin cracked up, and Jackson, quite satisfied at making his roommate laugh, waltzed out of his room.

"Oh. Can you bring home left over bread and pastries from your store?!" Jackson bellowed.

"We never have leftovers though." Jin smirked proudly.

"You know what I mean. Steal some!"

"I can't steal from my own store. Pay me!" Jin answered.

"Fine! Just bring some! I've been craving them."

Jin grinned. "I told you you'd get hooked."

"I'd totally date you if you swung that way." Jackson replied.

Jin rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure."

"Hey, remember I made you into the city man you are now?! You need to appreciate me more!"

Kim Seokjin, the eldest son of a farm family, had arrived in Seoul after much contemplation and much inspiration from his beloved sister, Farm Girl. He had watched all his younger family members steadily achieve goal after goal of their own accord. He had been envious of their ambition, their intellect, and their passion, but had simply felt content in helping out on the farm for the longest time. It had been a set path for him after all -- to take over the family business. He didn't think of anything else.

But he soon began feeling left behind, stagnant, and aimless. Until Yoongi gave him a cookbook. A gnawing feeling of wanting more had always been present inside him, but as he held the book and as he began trying new recipes, learning more about the world of cooking, he realized what it was he wanted to do.

And so, he began confiding in Yoongi about his ideas and thoughts, to which the younger was supportive, encouraging, and helpful in providing valuable insight into what he needed to do to bring his aspirations to fruition. Later on, he gave Yoongi a letter with his well thought out proposal to open his own shop in the big city. He, too, wanted to chase his passions and try to achieve his dreams of making his small shop well-known, attending a prestigious culinary school, and maybe even becoming head chef of a restaurant.

But he had refused any monetary help from his future brother-in-law. He wanted to find success with his own hands and his own efforts. Instead, he asked Yoongi to reach out to any and all of his business partners, and send his proposal to them to get someone to sponsor, invest, and support his idea. Lo and behold, through the sea of rejections, one person signed the proposal and gave him a chance to open up a small bakery. And so, he immediately left for Seoul to find himself and his dreams.

Luckily, when Jin had reached out to Namjoon for possible places to stay in Seoul, Namjoon mentioned one of his closest friends was looking for a roommate. And not seeing any reason to refuse splitting the rent and having an immediate friend in a new place, Jin accepted.

"Wow, you're handsome. And tall!" Jackson gushed as Jin first stepped foot into the apartment. "But dude, your clothes...I know holes and stitches are in style, but we need to get you a make-over."

"What? Why would I need a make-over? My face is already handsome." Jin argued.

Jackson cracked up for a good five minutes. "I like you, Kim Seokjin. Namjoon said you were interesting and charming. He was definitely right."

He shook Jin's hand. "I'm Jackson Wang. And as your welcome present, let me please help you change your wardrobe so you could do your handsome face justice. Okay?"

Jin's lips curled up, "Well, I can't refuse if you're offering so adamantly."

Jackson laughed, "Just between me and you, it's Namjoon's card."

The two cackled all the way to the shopping district. And it truly was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

"Jin. Jin. Chef. CHEF!"

Jin was brought out from his reminiscing by his assistant, who was looking at him scoldingly with her arms crossed. "Can you please save your inner monologues for another time? It's almost opening time, and we have to finish two more batches of fresh bread!"

"Oh right, right." Jin chuckled. "Thanks, Crumbs."

She frowned at his usual nickname for her.

"What?" he grinned. "Did you like Ppang-Ppang better?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "There's an insanely long line outside already."

"What would I do without you?" Jin tilted her chef hat playfully as she huffed.

She chucked flour at him. "This is YOUR shop. Can you take it seriously?"

Jin laughed, "Everything will work out, Crumbs. I say it every day, and I've never been wrong."

She exhaled and went back to rolling dough. "Whatever you say, Boss."

Jin patted his hands on his apron and got to work as well.

Crumbs or Ppang-Ppang, to which Jin thought he was cleverly punny for making those nicknames for her, had been with him since the beginning. When he was just setting up the bakery, he was looking for assistants who could help him bake various pastries and bread. Since he was an unknown brand name, not many applicants came in. Those that did try however couldn't handle the speed, efficiency, and delicacy he expected in the kitchen. Then Crumbs waltzed in and was the perfect assistant. She was quick in the kitchen; she had her own flair, the passion to experiment with new flavors and ingredients, and on top of that, she was clean, organized, and determined to make each batch as delicious as the last. She was a blessing for which he was grateful for everyday. He knew that without her, his shop would be difficult to manage alone.

"You want to work the cash register today?" he teased.

She scrunched her face, and he chuckled.

"You just want me to say your face attracts more customers so you should take the register." she retorted.

"And yet, you still said it." He sung as he skipped outside to open up.

"Make sure you don't have flour on you!" she called out.

"Flour won't stop my beauty!" he bellowed.

"Oh boy." She simply sighed as she waited for the last batch to finish in the oven, listening to the excited bustling of the shop. "We need to hire another cashier if this keeps up."

"Oh, isn't he so handsome?" The customers gushed as they eyed Jin at the register while they chose their delicacies.

"I wonder if these people come here for the pastries or for the eye candy."

Jin beamed at the familiar voice. "Hoseok!"

"I come here diligently every morning, just for you my dear friend." Hoseok smiled as he placed his choices on the counter. "I got a bit more today 'cause Jimin keeps eating it when I turn around or leave our room for a second."

"Still the same, that Red Mask." Jin snorted.

"Oh? You're here too?" Jungkook appeared and hugged Hoseok from behind.

"Don't you have patrols to run in the morning?" Jin scowled at Jungkook's presence as he rung up the two's orders.

"My girlfriend asked me to buy her some so I'm stopping by the office to give it to her. She said it reminds her of home for some reason." Jungkook shrugged. "This is addicting, Jin."

"In that case, grab some extra for her." Jin smiled warmly. Jungkook looked at him skeptically at his softened tone. He coughed, "I mean anyone who could put up with your arrogant self needs some extra bread in her life."

Hoseok snorted. "On the contrary Jin, Jungkook becomes putty when it comes to women in the 'real' world."

"I'll have to see this for myself." Jin chuckled. "I can't imagine it."

"Next time you two go to the gym, put him right next to a female and you'll see him panic." Hoseok pointed.

"I've gotten better!" Jungkook argued.

"Oh right. Where's your mystery assistant? She's the one that makes the special bread of the day you said, right?" Hoseok questioned.

"Yeah. She's shy so she's always in the back thinking of new specials." Jin chuckled. "She never wants to be up here."

"Well, send her mine and Silver's compliments. Yesterday's special was amazing." Hoseok gave a thumbs up.

"I'll let her know." Jin grinned proudly.

"Well, good luck. I'll catch you at the gym later." Jungkook waved.

Hoseok and Jungkook chummily exited the bake shop, their handsomeness capturing many of the customer's attention.

"They're taken ladies and gents." Jin commented with a chuckle. "Sorry."

There was a collective disappointed "Awww" within the store.

Jin yawned as he was about to close up for the day, but his eyes bulged out as he spotted you running into the store, disheveled, and wet from the pouring rain.

"I'M SORRY! I KNOW YOU'RE CLOSING!" You heaved. "I ran here after work because I woke up late and didn't have time to wait on the line this morning, or else I would've been late and--"

Jin simply smiled and flipped the sign to "Closed". "I'll get you your usual."

You blinked, surprised. "You know my usual?"

Jin blushed as he hurried to grab what he knows you usually get. "Um, I know all my regulars' usual orders."

"I'm sorry. I'm soaking and you're going to have more work to clean up..." You mumbled shyly, standing awkwardly at the entrance.

"No, come in. You'll help the floor get wet so you're saving us an extra step." Jin grinned and beckoned you over to the register.

You would be lying if you didn't find him attractive, but other than the usual small talk, you hadn't gotten to know the cute baker. Maybe it was a good thing you had woken up late today. He was kind, friendly, and funny. And just for a bit, his attention was solely on you. But you wished you weren't soaked like a wet dog during this opportune moment.

Timidly, you shuffled to the counter to pay for your order.

"Just heat it up before you eat it. And if you want --" he pointed to the umbrella by the door. "--take my umbrella. I wouldn't want you getting sick."

"Oh no." You gushed. "I couldn't. What about you?"

"I'll be fine. I don't live too far. I'm sure you have a long commute." he stated.

"How'd you know?" You blinked.

"Oh. Um..." Jin averted his eyes, mentally kicking himself. "I mean some people who live close by could wake up late and still have time to wait in line, so I just assumed you lived far since you couldn't stop by before work."

Your lips curled up. "You're good."

"I threw in an extra pie in there." Jin winked as he handed her the bag. "For your commute."

You grinned. "Thank you."

"Take the umbrella. Soggy pastries won't taste good." he urged.

You chuckled. "I mean if you put it that way. How can I say no?"

Jin smiled.

"I'll return it in the morning. I promise." You bowed as you scurried giddily out of the store.

Jin sighed and slumped over his counter.

"You're such a creep." Crumbs stepped out of the kitchen.

"Why were you listening?"

"Not like I have anything else to listen to in the kitchen. Rising dough isn't exactly noisy." she snorted. "Then I heard your ridiculous statement of knowing everyone's usuals."

Jin huffed.

"So I'm guessing that's the chick you're banging even though she has no idea what you look like?" Crumbs started cleaning up.

Jin coughed at the sudden attack, "How do you remember everything I say?!"

"Maybe you should be careful who you're around when you get drunk after work." Crumbs chuckled. "Luckily it was only us 'cause all your friends are coupled up, except for you."

"You're not either." he pouted.

"By choice." She tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I'm perfectly content being single."

Jin scoffed.

"But someone looks like he's developed a crush on his client." She playfully gasped. "How tragic."

"Shut up." Jin shook his head. "It's not a crush. I just have a soft spot for her. She's been through a lot."

"Whatever you say, Boss." Crumbs smirked.

"It's NOT." Jin argued.

"Why're you such a baby?" she retorted. "And what're you going to do without an umbrella, Mr. Smooth?"

Jin pulled out his cell phone. "I'm going to call Jackson."

"Ugh." Crumbs groaned. "Please wait until I get out of here."

"Don't take it personally." Jin laughed. "He professed his love for me after seeing me naked one time. I'm sure your cooking skills amazed him into proposing."

"Every single time?" She shook her head. "And you gave him my number! I don't appreciate that!"

"I swear I didn't! He took it from my phone!" Jin responded.

She huffed.

"You want a ride home? Jackson said he'll drive us." Jin grinned.

Crumbs contemplated.

"You know you're going to give in. You don't pass up a free ride home ever." Jin pointed out.

She sighed, "You're right. Fine. But I'm sitting in the back."

Jin giggled, "I promise, he's harmless."

You sat in the subway, grinning widely at your stroke of luck. Although it wasn't much, you confirmed that the attractive baker knew you existed and even trusted you enough to lend you his umbrella. Holding the bag to your chest, you inhaled to try to hold in the butterflies fluttering around your stomach. But instead, it rumbled, signaling that it was hungry after your long day. You received odd looks from the other passengers. Looking down, you reached into the bag to quell your hunger so as not to disturb anyone with your noisy stomach anymore.

You smiled at the pastry you held, remembering your encounter with Kim Taehyung, the fantastic vet, and the man who had given up this exact pastry because you clumsily dropped yours. You had taken initiative to see him again, only to find that he was one of the head surgeons of the animal hospital now, so it was rare for him to just take check-up appointments. But you had caught glimpse of him in passing, and he was even more shockingly gorgeous than you remembered. His hair was slightly longer than when you first had bumped into him, and since he had just gotten out of the surgery room, it had been swept up to reveal his forehead.

But sadly, you hadn't been able to see him since. You would often wonder how he was doing and if you would be able to run into him coincidentally again.

"Um are you just going to smile at that, or are you going to eat it?" One of the passengers spoke up.

You turned red as people chuckled at the person's comment, and at your odd behavior. Squishing your body as small as possible, you started eating your pastry, extremely embarrassed.

"Hey!" Jin kissed you as you entered Club Masquerade.

You smiled as your hands slotted into his. "Hey."

"As requested, the room is set up as a casual living room." Jin bowed as he gestured for her to enter the room.

"You never disappoint me, Jin." You grinned.

"Only the best for you, of course." he chuckled. "So I see you had a good day since you aren't whining as soon as you come in."

You pushed him playfully. "I don't always come in here whining."

Jin gave you a knowing look, and you conceded. "Fine. I often do."

"I'll take it." He settled beside you. "Since you're in a good mood, what would you like to do?"

You hugged him and lay your head on his broad chest. "Just...maybe stay like this."

Jin's lips curled up as he rubbed your back. It always amazed you how he had come to know and understand you so well.

"Jin?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think some people are meant to be alone?"

He hummed, "I think some people choose to be alone, because it's not something they prioritize or want in life. I don't think anyone is meant to be alone. People are social creatures after all."

"I hope you're right." You nuzzled closer to him. "Why aren't you taken yet? I feel like girls would fall at your feet."

Jin chuckled. "I guess the right one hasn't come along for me either. Plus I haven't really been looking."

"Oh? Why not?" You glanced up curiously.

"Mmm I don't know. I guess I've always had the mentality of 'if it happens, it happens'?" he shrugged.

You sighed. "Lucky. I have the mentality that if I don't do something, it's never going to happen."

Jin nodded, "I guess there are some things that won't happen unless you make it happen and grab hold of it."

"But sadly, sometimes people take advantage of your obvious interest." You frowned.

"Hey, you're a courageous woman. Take pride in that." Jin complimented.

"I don't know about that..." you mumbled.

Jin clicked his tongue. "What did I say about taking compliments?"

You smiled, "Thank you."

Jin nodded in approval. "Better. Not many people can take the leap like you do. So even if you failed a few times, at least you tried and took the risk. You'd be surprised how many people are stuck in 'what ifs'."

You lifted your head up to stare at him. "I never thought of it like that."

"Aren't I great?" he teased.

You smacked his chest. "You, sir, need to wait for compliments instead of giving them to yourself."

"It's my charm." Jin grinned.

"That's true." You straddled him and wrapped your arms around his neck. "Are you stuck in a 'what if' now?"

"Mmm..." Jin leaned forward. "I'm wondering 'what if I wanted to kiss you right now? Would you kiss me back?'"

"That's not even a what if." You chuckled as you captured his lips with yours. "It's a certainty."

Jin grinned as he unbuttoned your shirt slowly. "And what if I wanted to make you feel even better than you do right now?"

"I would welcome that openly." You whispered as you helped him undress you.

Jin peppered kisses throughout your entire body, not sparing any part of your skin from his large, plump lips. Jin was the one person who had always been there for you, even when you had bared your soul, when you were at your most vulnerable. His touch was always careful and tender, and for the moment, you deluded yourself into believing he loved you. You knew he cared for you deeply, that you two had developed a bond, but another part of you wondered how much of it was his job and how much of it was real.

But you let yourself fall into the delusion, because it was so much better than the reality that awaited you outside of Club Masquerade.

So you reveled in the way his hands roamed your body, the way with each thrust, both of you would moan with pleasure, perfectly in sync, perfectly connected. You pulled him deeper into you, wanting him to fill you up, and he obliged, pushing in as much as your walls allowed him to and with a little more force; his lips never leaving yours unless it was to gasp, groan, or moan. When you came, your entire body was filled with immense jitters-- butterflies-- your heart soared, and your mind was blank from all thoughts except for how fantastic you were feeling. It was absolute bliss.

And it was always bittersweet parting from him, from your little haven away from the cruel world. But it also made you wonder how long you would be content with this transient type of relationship. As constant as Jin was, you knew he wasn't yours.

"Bundle up. It's chilly now." Jin tightened your scarf around your neck.

"Thanks." You smiled as you pushed out your lips. Jin chuckled and knowingly gave you a chaste kiss to bid you goodbye.

"Get home safely." he waved.

You stole another kiss from him before scurrying out the door.

You shivered as you felt the brisk night air. Dogs were heard barking in the distance and your mind was whisked back once again to thoughts of Taehyung. Even though you only spoke to him briefly, something in your heart stirred in that moment in time. You snorted. There you go again, falling for someone you hardly knew. Would he even remember you? Would he even want to see you again? You exhaled as you pulled your jacket closed.

A gust of wind knocked your hair into your face and you flailed around trying to regain your vision. Once you were free from your entangled hair, you realized you were standing in front of a building by Club Masquerade you had always passed but never took a good look at. You moved closer curiously at the bright neon sign, and the seemingly packed venue, wondering what it was exactly.

Suddenly, you stopped in your tracks and whipped your head towards the window as you spotted a familiar figure pass by. Rubbing your eyes, you prayed you weren't hallucinating. You gasped as Jungkook came into view as well, both of them carrying trays of drinks and laughing at something. Pressing your face closer to the window, it became more evident that the person who had caught your eye was, in fact, Kim Taehyung.

You had found him.

PART 2

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dollofdeath · 8 years

Text

Déjà Vu [7/9]

Series: Joker Game

Characters: Kaminaga/Miyoshi; our guy Sakuma is here too

Rating: G

Summary: Four missed encounters between Kaminaga and Miyoshi and the one time they finally meet (again).

Words: 3411

Notes: Modern AU/Reincarnation AU; I am (barely) still alive, but here’s not one, but two updates!! \o/ Not really sure what else to say but things are coming to an end ;w; hopefully things make sense ^^

Ch.1 | Ch.2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | You can read this on AO3 | Ch. 8 is over there also ^^ Thank you guys so much for reading, I hope you enjoy~! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

Ch. 7 - Kaminaga IV: I’ll See You Soon

Though Kaminaga was setting off for his mission today, the fact that he was leaving had still yet to hit him. It felt like tomorrow would follow the same routine of waking up and going through the training regimen Yuuki had in store for them, a day filled with the banter and antics of the men he'd come to call allies (and dare he say "friends," not that he would admit that -- could say that -- out loud). But he supposed things haven't been like that for a while.

Despite not quite getting along with him, there was something unnerving about Sakuma's absence after he was transferred. Odagiri resigned shortly after he failed his mission and though he wasn't one to talk much, it felt wrong to only see six other men. Hatano had left back in June, followed soon by Jitsui; the Cultural Society felt less welcoming without Hatano's short temper and Jitsui's cutting remarks, and though Amari, Tazaki, and Fukumoto had been assigned domestic missions, they were out more often than there were in. The only one constant was Miyoshi, whose only duty so far was to handle some missions. Though Kaminaga knew Miyoshi longed to leave the premises, to go out into the world already, the selfish part of him was thankful that he had more time to spend with him. The only regret he had now was leaving before him.

"Already leaving?"

Speak of the devil. Just as he'd finished the last of his preparations, Kaminaga turned around to see Miyoshi leaning against the doorway. Even if he gave the air of disinterest by inspecting his fingernails, there was the slight downward curl of his lips that told Kaminaga otherwise.

"Gonna miss me?"

Miyoshi shrugged and pushed himself off the door frame, taking a seat on Kaminaga's bed.

"The peace and quiet will be a welcome change."

"Ouch," Kaminaga said, clutching his chest as he sat beside Miyoshi. In the solitude of the dormitory, their shoulders brushed against each other and Miyoshi leaned into his touch. "This is our last moment together for who knows how long and that's how you wanna spend it?"

"Oh, please," Miyoshi said. "You're acting as if you're going to die."

"Ah, I see." Kaminaga grinned, bumping his shoulder against Miyoshi's. "You're gonna miss me and you're worried."

Tilting his head away, Miyoshi huffed.

"I said no such things."

His response reminded Kaminaga of years past, before Kaminaga and Miyoshi existed, of a young man who hated being left behind as much as the man sitting next to him now. If the circumstances were any different, Kaminaga could imagine Miyoshi pouting much like then, the thought of it eliciting a chuckle out of him.

"Sure, sure. Just don't do anything too rash while I'm gone, okay?" He said, remembering how that same young man managed to follow him into the city despite his father's orders.

"I believe I should be the one saying that to you." Miyoshi bumped him back. "We don't need you fooling around in London."

"Hm, sounds like you just don't want me having fun without you."

Miyoshi narrowed his eyes at him though they lacked any real indignation.

"I bet you wish you were leaving with me, huh? Or maybe you want the mission for yourself?"

Though his lips twitched, Miyoshi refused to give into his taunts. Still, Kaminaga smiled and took Miyoshi's hand in his, to which Miyoshi entwined their fingers together.

"How's about I tell you all about my mission when I get back? It's not the same experience but it's something, right?"

With an amused expression, Miyoshi raised one perfect eyebrow.

"Breaking the rule of confidentiality for little old me?"

"No one needs to know."

Miyoshi hummed as if he were actually considering rejecting the offer.

"I'll hold you to that. I suppose I'll just have to do the same when I get my mission." A pause. "Then we'll see who's the better spy."

He'd said it so casually, as if it were only the natural course of things; leave it up to Miyoshi to turn everything into a competition. Kaminaga grinned, ever eager for a chance to beat Miyoshi.

"Oh, you're on."

Miyoshi said nothing more, his smirk daring him to do his worst, but his expression soon softened as the quietness settled in. There was a lot more Kaminaga wished to say but he was running out of time and the current conditions restricted him from saying any more. For now, Kaminaga burned the image of Miyoshi he saw now into his brain -- how his fox-like eyes bore into his, the way his fringe curled, and how his red, red lips pressed together -- because if a picture was worth a thousand words, Miyoshi's was priceless.

"Your flight's in a few hours, isn't it?" Miyoshi asked, his voice quiet. Still holding onto Kaminaga's hand, he stood up. "You should get going."

Kaminaga squeezed his hand, not wanting to let go just yet.

"I was just about to be on my way until you came along."

"Then don't let me keep you." Slowly, he untangled their fingers and Kaminaga's hand grew colder as Miyoshi let go. "Don't screw up out there."

"Who do you take me for?"

Miyoshi shook his head in exasperation, hesitating before moving to leave the room. It was when he was halfway out the door that he turned back.

"Kaminaga."

"Yeah?"

"Don't keep me waiting."

Kaminaga blinked, taking in his words before smiling. It was a demand he'd heard many times before and one he'd always oblige.

"Of course I won't."

When Kaminaga saw Miyoshi for the fourth time, it was a moment that ended much too soon but that was enough for the time being.

In the hours following the Incident™, Kaminaga hardly left his room no matter how much Amari and Tazaki tried to comfort him. Solitude wasn't his typical mode of coping, but he didn't want any reminders of what he'd seen earlier as discreet as Amari and Tazaki tried to be. Maybe he was being over dramatic but he couldn't care less. With the prospect of Miyoshi no longer being hi s Miyoshi anymore, all the things left unsaid ran through his mind.

He hadn't been able to tell Miyoshi about his mission in London, he couldn't tell him how much he meant to him, he never told him he loved him. To think that those feelings transcended a lifetime to the point where it made him his upset over losing Miyoshi again, he wondered if whatever deities out there found enjoyment out of his suffering. Kaminaga thought he'd made peace with those feelings a while ago, when he'd begrudgingly came to terms with the idea that Miyoshi wasn't around this lifetime. Going about his life as it was didn't seem so daunting then, when Miyoshi had merely been a memory and not reality. But now that he knew otherwise, those feelings resurfaced like a typhoon hitting the islands.

Perhaps it'd be better for him to move on. After all, Miyoshi wasn't bound to the choices he made in the past life and neither was he. But then he had to wonder what was the point of a second chance if he wasn't going to take it? For once, Kaminaga was unsure of himself and those thoughts plagued his mind.

The following days saw Kaminaga distracting himself as much as he possibly could. He was rarely in the house, coming home late after a day's worth of photography and drinking. For a project, he told Amari and Tazaki; while not completely false, it was an excuse to stay up. Sleep brought memories of Miyoshi, sobriety brought reminders of the possible reality. It wasn't long before Thursday rolled around and the possibility of seeing Miyoshi again popped up. Part of him wanted to see him again, to talk to him and clear things up. If he were to be rejected, at least he'd have a straight up rejection rather than living without closure. But when some girls in his visual and media studies class asked him to hang out that afternoon, he accepted with little hesitation.

While playing the role of charming playboy as well as he usually did, his heart wasn't entirely into the outing. The minutes dragged by and as sweet and cute as those girls were, he didn't really feel much for them. It was well past four o'clock when he parted ways with them and Kaminaga was tempted to find another excuse to stay out even longer but sleep deprivation was beginning to take its toll on him; his steps grew sluggish and his thoughts muddled together. Two hours of sleep for the past three days probably wasn't his brightest idea, but what was done was done. However, on his way to the train station, his phone buzzed.

Kaminaga really hoped Amari wasn't planning on staging an intervention or something.

A beat.

He squinted back at the text, as if Amari could see him questioning him, but didn't bother thinking about it more than he had to. All he wanted to do now was collapse onto his bed and maybe cry a little bit. But it seemed that fate wanted to keep him from getting there as soon as possible because as he was putting his phone away, he bumped into someone.

"Oh crap, my bad."

"Sorry, pardon me."

Hearing that voice, Kaminaga froze. It was a voice he hadn't heard in literally years and one he didn't want to hear again after the Incident™. When he looked up, he was greeted with the sight of a slack-jawed Sakuma staring at him with wide, blue eyes.

"K-Kaminaga?" Sakuma asked, breaking out of his stupor first.

At the sound of his name, Kaminaga plastered a smile on his face and clapped Sakuma's shoulder.

"Sakuma!" He said, straining to keep the levity in his voice. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Yeah." Sakuma rubbed his shoulder, returning his smile with one of his own. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"You don't say. Haha, I didn't even realize you were alive," Kaminaga said through clenched teeth. Before Sakuma had the chance to speak again, he asked, "So where're you headed?"

"Uh, the train station --"

"Cool. Same." Kaminaga wrapped an arm around Sakuma's neck, pulling him in as if they were old pals and began leading him towards their destination. Call him petty, but seeing Sakuma in slight discomfort made him feel better. "Let's walk and talk then. So what've you been up to?"

"Nothing particularly exciting," Sakuma said as he removed himself from Kaminaga's hold as politely as possible. "I'm just a second year, studying criminal justice."

"Oh, nice!" It was fitting for a man like him, to be honest. "So you wanna be like a cop or something?"

"It's something I'm considering," Sakuma said, puffing his chest out a bit. "And yourself?"

"Eh, nothing as heroic as criminal justice." Kaminaga shrugged. "Third year, visual arts. I guess I wanna be a photographer."

"Photography is good, too." Sakuma nodded and there was a pause before his eyebrows shot up. "Oh! That reminds me, I saw your Instagram. You're quite talented."

"Aw, did you now? Thanks," he said, giving Sakuma a genuine smile before his words truly sank in. Then Kaminaga stopped still, his features scrunching up as he tried to process what he'd just said. Sakuma gave him a concerned look as he pulled him to the side to avoid the glares the passersby gave them for blocking the train station entrance. Kaminaga blinked once, twice, three times before finally returning to his senses. "Wait -- you saw my what?"

"Your Instagram...?"

"How?"

"Miyoshi showed it to me."

What.

"What?"

"Miyoshi showed it to me," he repeated before sympathy crossed his face. "Oh, do you know that he's... alive also?"

Kaminaga stared at him.

"Kinda." His voice cracked a bit in the second syllable and he cleared his throat before saying, "Yeah."

"That's good to hear." Sakuma sighed in relief. "He's been looking for you."

There were so many thoughts racing through Kaminaga's mind right now, like Miyoshi was aware of him , Miyoshi talked about him , and Miyoshi saw his freaking Instagram holy crap, but the only thing that came out was:

"Why?"

"Because he misses you," Sakuma said as if it were an undeniable fact -- the sky was blue, grass was green, and Miyoshi missed him.

"And you're okay with that?"

Sakuma furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Sooner or later, Kaminaga would've had to confront the matter and it seemed that the time was now. While he would've preferred to hear things from Miyoshi, Sakuma would have to do. He took in a breath before speaking again.

"Y'know, I... saw you two together on Monday morning," Kaminaga said, locking eyes with Sakuma. Sakuma's lips pursed together as his brow creased. "I thought that maybe you guys were together or something."

Sakuma said nothing for a moment before nodding solemnly.

"Kaminaga, you have nothing to worry about." He paused. "We dated before but that was a year ago. There’s nothing going on between us now. What you saw that day was just... Miyoshi being Miyoshi."

"Just Miyoshi being Miyoshi, huh?" He echoed. And to be fair, now that he thought about it, it really was a Miyoshi thing to make Sakuma squirm as much as possible and Kaminaga couldn't help but let out a dry chuckle. In another time, in another place, maybe he'd have found it more humorous, but at least that eased some of his worries. Still, he had one more question. "All right, but you said he showed you my Instagram.Why hasn't he talked to me yet?"

"He said he wanted to meet you in person first, that it meant more to him that way." In a softer voice, he continued: "He really does miss you. You won't hear this from him, but he always talked about you when we were younger."

Hearing that, Kaminaga was stunned into silence. To think that Miyoshi, who took what he wanted whenever the opportunity presented itself, was waiting to see him . His lips quirked up at the thought of that. Shame on him then, for keeping Miyoshi waiting for as long as he had been; it was a reunion long overdue.

"I see." Kaminaga nodded, his thoughts coming to some sort of stability. "Thanks for telling me." Then he clapped Sakuma's shoulder, though with less force than he used the first time. "You're a pretty cool guy, Sakuma."

"It's no problem," Sakuma said, sheepishly rubbing his neck.

"So that's enough about me," Kaminaga said, moving towards the train station. "You got any emotional baggage to dump?"

"Well, no," Sakuma said, walking in step with him. "But this did happen..."

And as he and Sakuma made their way to the platform, Kaminaga felt lighter than he did earlier. It'd take some time to completely get over it, but he couldn't bring himself to stay bitter at Sakuma right now. Not when they were finally having a conversation without any pretenses, not when he was finally learning that the others were also around, and especially not when he knew Miyoshi would be there for him. He didn't want to wait for too long, but this was enough for now.

It was when the train pulled into the station that his phone buzzed again with a message from Amari.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Kaminaga looked back onto the platform. He and Sakuma had already settled in and the doors were set to close any second now. Then he saw Amari come into view as he ran up the stairs, but that wasn't what caught his attention. His eyes followed Amari's outstretched hand and on the other end of it was --

Miyoshi.

Hopping up from his seat, Kaminaga rushed to jump off the train, earning him looks from the other passengers but they didn't matter at the moment. What mattered was that Miyoshi was but a few meters away, so close that he could capture him in his arms as soon as he got off the train. The closer he got, the better he could see Miyoshi which only spurred him on to move faster, but just as he met him halfway, the doors slammed shut, keeping them apart once more.

Kaminaga met Miyoshi's gaze and if not for the barrier between them, he could've reached out and push his fringe back to get a better look at him. Even if Miyoshi's hair was tangled and all over the place, his mouth agape as he breathed in and out heavily, and his face flushed from running, he was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen; Kaminaga wished he had enough time to take his camera out and take a picture of him. Without thinking, Kaminaga's hand moved towards him only to be stopped by the cold piece of glass that separated them. Miyoshi had mirrored his move and their palms matched almost perfectly against the window; even now, Kaminaga could remember the soft roughness of Miyoshi's hands that only he could attain and how his hands belonged in his. However, the moment was over much too quickly for his liking and soon Miyoshi was out of sight as the train sped off.

"Was that Miyoshi? And Amari ?" Sakuma asked as he joined him, breaking him out of his daze.

"Yeah." He grinned. "It was."

"...Are you all right?"

Kaminaga nodded and turned back to Sakuma.

"Of course. So back to what you were saying -- Odagiri did what now?"

Amari arrived home about half an hour later than him, just as he'd dozed off on the couch. Kaminaga would've snapped at him for waking him up, but Amari had that same cheerful look on his face whenever he was with Tazaki, thinking about Emma, or getting a good deal at the supermarket on his face, and so he decided to humor him.

"I'm home," Amari said. "And I have something for you~"

"Welcome home." Kaminaga yawned. "Is it chips? Because I kinda ate all of them."

"Even better."

"Even better than chips?"

Amari nodded, taking his phone out.

"So you remember how I told you to wait at the train station and you didn't?"

"Yeah." A smile grew on Kaminaga's face as he remembered the image of Miyoshi at the station. "In my defense, you didn't tell me why."

"Fair enough. I ran into Miyoshi today and was planning to have a surprise reunion but --" He handed Kaminaga his phone. "-- I guess his email will have to do."

Kaminaga stared at it and Miyoshi's email address stared back. It would be so easy to take it and start texting him now, and to say that he was tempted to do so was an understatement. But that wasn't what Miyoshi wanted. And to be honest, he could see why. It was a lot more fulfilling if they could see each other in person first, to speak face-to-face rather than through cold text. If that was how Miyoshi wanted things done, he'd play it his way.

"Thanks," he said, shaking his head. "But no thanks."

"Hm?" Amari pouted. "Why not?"

"I want to see him for myself first."

Amari took him in for a moment before grinning.

"How funny. That's what Miyoshi said too."

Kaminaga smiled back and just as he was about to hand Amari his phone back, an idea hit him.

"Actually..." He opened up a new message to Miyoshi. Technically it wasn't from him if it was through Amari's phone, was it? "Hold on a sec."

"Here," he said, giving the phone back to Amari.

"That's cute," Amari said as he read the text and before Kaminaga could very maturely tell him to shut up, Amari excitedly shook his shoulder. "Oh! He responded."

Not wasting any time, Kaminaga snatched the phone back.

Kaminaga chuckled, remembering how Miyoshi had said this to him on more than one occasion. He could still hear him saying it clearly even now. While he didn't mean to reply back, his fingers moved faster than his mind and he sent him a winking emoji.

"You can keep it for a while, if you want," Amari said.

Kaminaga looked back at the conversation but shook his head and returned Amari's phone.

"I'm good," he said with a huge smile on his face.

After all, he had so much more to tell him when they finally met again face-to-face.

Proceed to Ch. 8

#anyways #gotta get up early tomorrow so good night ♥.#hybrid verse #joker game #just let me know if the images aren't working but hm they should be #kai tries to write #kamimiyo #otp: it's rare that we think the same thing

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tumblunni · 6 years

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HELLO GHOSTCRAFTER PLEASE BRING ME YOUR FINEST GHOSTS

HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW WARHAMMER NOW DOES FANTASY? GUESS WHO JUST FOUND OUT WARHAMMER DOES FANTASY

seriously ive like Always wanted to do tabletop games as a hobby, but i was never socially confident enough and also Warhammer In Particular Requires Money

But i just Took A Risk And Dived Into The Store and then the cashier was really helpful AND also it turns out the series has changed a lot since i was a kid! Now there's multiple scenarios including a fantasy one, instead of just the grungey edgelord sci fi! Sure its grungey edgelord fantasy too but fantasy is better cos fantasy can have GHOSTS!!! man i wanna learn more about the rules cos yo can you mix and match stuff? Could i have ghosts AND zombies AND vampires??? Do i really have to restrict my monster wuv...?

Oh and also NO BIGOTRY ANYMORE which is always a plus! There was only one female faction in the space thing back then, and they were creepy bondage sexy ladies who stab themselves and use their orgasm power to fuel their magic or something. Like it just said "magic fueled by suffering" but uhh..when theyre all skimpily dressed and doing O-faces it uhh..DOESNT SEEM LIKE THIS IS PUNISHMENT TO THEM. I cant believe people reccommeded that to me as a 12 year old just cos it was the only "girl one".like i mean i know the definition of the gane is gonna be violent and Dark but like you should still categorize some stuff as maybe Even Darker And Perhaps Not Sell To Smol Childe. Having green blood on your axe is a bit tamer than goddamn fifty shades in space! So yeah glad that's not the only option now and i can have a wonderfully ghoulish lady ghost who's like a bedsheet spoop but a wedding veil and then there's a skeleton underneath it. Mmmyeah thats quality monster! TRULY WHAT ALL WOMEN ASPIRE TO BE

Oh and yeah the ghosts just look SO GOOD! they have a great design aesthetic of floaty smokeyness but also skeletal zombieness. And the smoke colours are very Aesthetic to make up for the fact you cant actually have translucent plastic. And they all have super dynamic poses swinging all.sorts of cool.weapons on chains and sticks just so they had an excuse to spice up an otherwise ordinary figure. And then MAN when there's the ones that are dynamically posed AND also have a really unusual design?? God my heart just explodes. I looooove these spoops~

And man i hope i can work up the courage to go back and ask the cashier more questions next time! I wanna know the specifics of the rules and how creative im allowed to get with them. How different can i paint them? How am i allowed to mod my figures? Can you mix and match figures from each faction? Do you just have to rp as the plain army description for each faction or can you make up your own division of the ghost dudes who are Not Tormented and Not Ruled With An Iron Fist and instead have a Nice Boss Who Takes Them Out For Milkshakes? Also can i put little top hats on them?

And maaaaan seriously i already have so many ideas for alternate plotlines for these guys!! Its SUCH A WASTE! the short summary mentions that you become a ghost if you're "not good enough for [warhammer equivelant of heaven] and evil enough for [warhammer equivelant of hell]". But then ALL OF THEM ARE JUST EVIL ANYWAY. "Not evil enough" but still every single unit description is "he was an executioner/hunter/serial killer/world's worst criminal ever/he has so style he has no grace t t this stabman stabs u in th face." Like seriously where are my actual morally gray dudes who did bad stuff for good reasons or good stuff for sinful reasons or straddled the line between redemption and temptation or like MAN THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS OF PURGATORY PERSON! Like why not bring up all the completely good people who might get unfairly sentenced here if this world's angel faction has as many corrupt priests as the real world? Ghosts of unwed mothers, unbaptised children, lgbt and other minorities the church is bigoted against, people falsely accused of crimes by corrupt pastors, peope whose mental illness is blamed as 'demon possession', teenage brides who didnt accept their 'holy' arranged mariage to a man twice their age, poor people who just didnt donate enough to the church caddy, etc. Or even just plain normal people? Like if you don't believe that humans are inherantly good you might damn Ol George Farmerson for "not doing anything with his life". Norse mythology had a "bad place" like that, everyone went to Helheim even if they werent evil, just for not "dying a warrior's death". And a lot of the worst child abusing christians twist the scripture to claim that all children are born sinful and have to work off this goddamn debt they gained through no fault of their own.

So yeah i was thinking of having a Nighthaunt faction division where i replace all their weapons with stuff like gardening tools and etc. Farmer of doom! Librarian of death! Single mother of pain! Kindly grandpa neighbour of ultimate power! Just all the lost souls of people who weren't super evil dudes. Maybe even theme it like theyre all from the same village? Maybe the entire place was damned for the sins of one man. Just generally criticize the hell out of the way all these dumbass gods organize their damn afterlife.

And then i could have a warden/general character who's Actually Nice and Actually Tries To Help These Ghosts Work Off Their Sentence. Kindly support worker type person. Treats it like voluntary work and extracurricular classes for people recovering from illness. Does all this paperwork and arranges little art classes and weekly walks around the park for all the grandmas. "Let's do the five-point recovery star to help plan our goals for the future!" Support ghost is here to help u accept ur new damned existance, and help progress up the employment ladder of hell~!

And then i was also thinking SHAMELESS CHARON CROSSOVER! i mean itd be so cool to have a ghost dude who's been damned for being a corrupt tax collector or something. And if he was all hunched over and grumply with some claw hands. And if he was this physically weak type due to his crimes not really being of the fighty sort. And if he was a grandpa. And small. I AM ABSOLUTELY JUSTIFIED IN SAYING CHARON WOULD FIT PERFECTLY INTO THIS WORLD!! Also it woukd actually be cool if i could mix and match units and i just had one single holy creature in this army of doom. Like a lil pixie type thing like rotom! An innocent barely-sentient angel glowybab, who's inexplicably latched onto this motley crew of spoops and seems to see a spark of goodness in them. Like the whole "youre a punished ghost cos you suck but you did One Good Thing so here's a small chance to escape your fate" myth thats common to a lot of cultures. And the dude usually ruins his one chance by being greedy again, blablabla. That would really fit Charon! So like i dunno maybe this rotom-equivelant lil celestial fairy could be the soul of a baby or a cat or something that he saved when he was alive? Like i dunno his final heist went catatrophically wrong and he accidentally knocked over a lantern and set the place on fire. And he could have been able to escape if he'd just been as selfish as usual, but he heard a kid crying from inside the burning building and he ran back inside to try and save them. And uhh.. He still failed. They both died. And now he's stuck on afterlife death row but this lil angel still comes to visit and cheers him on. And a bunch of other redeemable and/or falsely accused non evil ghosts all ended up becoming his buddies too and now they're all fighting together to find a better future~! (Charon: I'VE NEVER HAD SO MANY FRIENDS! :'D ...what is their resale value)

SO YEAH IN SUMMARY I LOVV GHOST AND ADDING GHOST MAKES ALL UR GAMES MUCH MORE BETTER now plz let me be nice to ghost, srsly it sucks that their whole deal is "theyre all being tortured constantly and not even their boss gives a shit about them". I dont wanna play as a ghost torturer!! I BOUGHT THIS GHOSTE BECOS I LOVV THIS GHOSTE

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us-essayexamples-blog · 7 years

Text

Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway essay

The concept of Ernest Heming styles leave of absence to fortify and its message to the ref.\n\nEssay Questions:\n\nWhat experience has Ernest Heming path roam into his invention valedictory to fortify? How does the main character of the rule book Frederick hydrogen check Hemingway him ego? How does Catherine Barkley change the feel and the somebodyality of Frederick heat content?\n\nThesis parameter:\n\nIt may be c totally tolded a account just just about state of fightfare, and it is, first of all, a point about turn in, hopes and combine. F be intumesce to coat of ordnance store is very a study of depute as it has sometimes been called; it is the study of denominate of Frederick henry from its commencement ceremony and weakness and to its due date and inevitability at the culmination.\n\n \nF arwell to accouterments by Ernest Hemingway sample\n\n \n\nYou can non know about cheer unless you call for it\n\nHemingway\n\nIntrod uction: Farewell to arms is a novel create verbally by Ernest Hemingway and is non just a creation of his hopeful imagination merely is the product of his profess experience, too. It may be called a story about war, ask out when it is, first of all, a story about drive in, hopes and belief. Farewell to arms is really a study of objurgate as it has sometimes been called; it is the study of blame of Frederick hydrogen from its scratch line and weakness and to its adulthood and inevitability at the end. Throughout the novel Frederick henry, the main character, converts into a completely un deal person. He starts as a person satisfying his rattling own physiologic ask, besides does not find himself in it. He keeps subconsciously expression for unity and finds his hunch forward-Catherine. total heat says farewell to the arms and all the sadness that they bring. It is this grapple that makes him changes the most, the bonk that gives him hope and credence and co nfidence that he can count by dint of everything himself. And afterward he recurs it he talks to graven image and plane accepts oddment as the end of action. He loses his sense of war and his enjoyment in it, just gains the discernment of love through pain. owe to the love in his heart Frederick henry learns to be a adjust domain, to be able to display grace and dignity at whatever times and hardships and scoop strong, in seeent and come on not depending on allthing.\n\nFrederick atomic number 1 is an American a lieutenant, a supervisor of a group of ambulance drivers in the Italian army. He is a art object that does not really know himself, a homophile with a hedonistic spanking(a)nessstyle. solely his career was homogeneous nights when the room whirled and you necessary to look at the wall to make it stop, nights in bed, drunk, when you knew that that was all there was, and the impertinent excitement of waking and not designed who it was with yo u[Hemingway, 13]. Analyzing Fredericks bread and only whenter forrader fall in love with Catherine it is very consequential to mention that in hurt of beholding him as a weak and garbled person the readers observes a blue hump of the coming(prenominal) due date of the character. The brightest example of that is his positioning towards the Priest, a man with credit in theology, in spite of anything. The Priests views are the ones that late touch Frederick Henry and put a start to his opposite perception of the war and adult male nigh him. There is no finish to war. struggle is not win by victory. atomic number 53 side essential stop rubbish. why dont we stop conflicting[Hemingway, 50-51]. Fredericks bewilderment of such a person starts his way out of his dishonourable way of purport. The army does not give him this intimate discipline he considers so much and is seeking for, but provides only an external partiality of order and discipline. though he tak e ins wounded, only he wants the doctors to subscribe to care of distinguishable people in the first plant: there are much worse wounded than me, he says [Hemingway, 54]. Frederick Henry is develop to risk his purportspan to save any of his war br opposites [Hemingway, 62]. Henry searches for the determine in his life and step by step he gets desexualise for finding them. Henry meets Catherine Barkley, a nurse, at the hospital and fall in love with her without even on a lower floorstanding it: I did not love Catherine Barkley nor had any idea of attractive her. This was a game, alike bridge, in which you tell things instead of contend cards[Hemingway, 31]. By falling in love with Catherine Henry opens his heart for changes, changes that are provoked by Catherine and start making him an absolutely different man. Catherine teaches him to believe and to love profoundly. Their mutual cutaneous sensess suggest that there are things that make the war to be even to a gre ater extent otiose than it is. Youre my religion. Youre all Ive got Catherine says to Henry, bounteous him the ability to acquire faith in love and to hope. They bring forth each others sanctums.\n\ninspired by this feeling and tired of their partings Frederick Henry is not super scared when he deserts, but it is the circus of execution that makes him do it. He in conclusion finds what he is looking for and if deserting is the only way to stay alive and not to lose it let it be so. Catherine becomes his only true value that he was searching so badly and he is not horror-struck of doing anything to stay with her. He puts all his faith in it and hopes for the better. He escapes with Catherine to the mountains of Switzerland showing an dramatic ability to fight for his happiness at the customs. Henry understands the nonsense(prenominal) of the war and the monetary value it brings to his life, he loses faith I everything, except his love. His only heart and faith is Cather ine and their future baby now. Their life together is calm, quick-witted and finally not influenced by war. until now fate wins in his battle for happiness. Catherines gestation period starts the decease of their calm life. Her pregnancy goes not well at all. Catherine snuff its from haemorrhage while handsome birth to the babe and Henry realizes that he has no tone down all over what is difference on in his life, he loses his faith and the understanding for living. What reason is there for her to die? that was what Henry asked himself before Catherines stopping point [Hemingway, 330]. His confidence in knowing all the reasons and life-values are unmake by her expiry. aft(prenominal) all, who is he to view control over the events in his life? It seems that Henry is more desperate because of losing his values and faith that in the demolition of Catherine: It was like saying arrivederci to a statue, he says about her dying.\n\n death: Henry turns to divinity for t he reasons of what happened, for the reason anything happens at all but this makes him completely predate the least faith in God he has. And through Henry tried and true to escape death at war it still finds him and takes what it regards according to the laws of life he cannot understand. His square life and happiness was destroyed by death. By the death that is senseless for the world around him and so beta for him. He realized that he volition not learn the reasons and accepts Catherines death. He feels that no matter what he may debate or no matter whom he may need the fate will do what whatever it does and there is postcode about it he can do, but not to need anybody or anything. He is too small to fight the topsy-turvydom around him. Frederick learns how execrable and not important is whatever a man thinks or wants in his life and that we all live in the thaumaturgy of controlling our lives. He learns how meaningless is to depend on anything or anybody and to base an y hopes on them. He learns that a man has to find ardor and strength in his own self and not punctuate to find it in anybody else. Is it really so necessary to chip in false hopes to become?Frederick Henry makes the reader understand that we do not work to depend on anything to feel happy. He feels it, too. Frederick Henry feels aught. No God, no hope, no faithnothing but show and him walking under the rain.If you want to get a well(p) essay, order it on our website: Looking for a place to buy a cheap paper online? Buy Paper Cheap - Premium quality cheap essays and affordable papers online. Buy cheap, high quality papers to impress your professors and pass your exams. Do it online right now! '

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