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sevmch · 3 years

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hq boys when you pepper them with kisses bc you're sad

characters: kenma, akaashi, kuroo

warning/s: none

genre: fluff, comfort

a/n: here's some fluff bc i think ive been writing too much angst lately aksjdkhskshs

kozume kenma

you were sitting next to kenma, staring at your boyfriend's face that had his game face plastered on his features in full concentration. you watched in silence as he played, cheek leaning against your palm.

this wasn't new, in fact, most of your time spent at his place were usually just you doing your own stuff while he played. you didn't really mind, wanting to just be around kenma and feel his presence.

he also loved having you near him, you knew that. but sometimes, especially when you're feeling down, it felt as if he didn't care a bit like right now. kenma cared a lot but he's no mind reader, so he doesn't exactly know you're upset because you failed one of your exams today.

but you really wanted to be close to him as some sort of comfort, so you moved away from the desk and lean towards kenma, resting your chin on his shoulders and catching him give you a side-eye.

"what're you doing?" he asked, focused on the screen again, fingers moving swiftly against the keyboards.

you shrugged, sighing deeply. "nothing."

"okay."

pouting at his lack of response, you placed a quick peck on his cheek. his brows jumped, the crease in his forehead disappearing for the first time tonight. you planted another one and another one and another one, soft and brief and lazy. kenma moved his face towards you when you stopped for a second due to the discomfort creeping up your neck from the position, your boyfriend whining at the sudden loss of contact.

now it's your brows that raised, not really expecting for him to ask more. he leaned closer, tilting his head a little sideways as a sign for you to keep going.

"why'd you stop?"

"my neck was starting to hurt, i thought i was bothering you though." you shifted in your seat to find a much comfortable position.

he frowned, glancing at you and quickly reaching for the neck pillow that sat on the far end of his desk.

"i love it when you do that," he said softly, pausing the game so he could put the pillow around your neck and cup your face gently. "you're never a bother to me."

"kenma," your lips trembled slightly when tears started gathering at your eyes, touched by his affection.

"i know you're not okay. i could tell since you got here. do you wanna get ice cream after and talk about it?"

you nodded, not saying a word because you were sure your voice would crack if you did and kenma knew that, ruffling your hair before turning back to his game.

"ice cream it is then," he said, pressing play. "i'll buy you two if you continue with the kisses."

giggling, you plant more soft kisses on his cheek, even massaging the back of his neck as you watched him play. later that night, he took you to your favorite ice cream parlor, listening attentively to everything you had to say.

akaashi keiji

you and akaashi haven't seen each other the past week due to both of your conflicting and hectic schedules. their practices were extended to later hours for the upcoming interhigh while you were busy with club activities. whenever you had free time, akaashi would be unavailable and vise versa.

you missed each other so much it hurts which was why the second you both had matching free time, it was spent on cuddling for hours on end. even when you were lying on top of akaashi, face hiding at the crook of his neck and feeling the rise and fall of his chest, you still craved for more.

thinking of having to separate and not see each other again for days made your heart sink into your stomach, nuzzling against his neck as if you could get even closer than you were already.

he ran his hand up and down your back in comfort, even giving a gentle squeeze on your arm to remind you he was physically there with you. you sighed deeply, landing feather-like kisses at his jaw.

"missed you."

"i know," akaashi said barely above a whisper, relaxing into the feeling of your soft lips on his skin. "i missed you too, love."

as you kept going with your ministrations, your eyes were wide in surprise when akaashi stopped you, leaning away just to turn to his side and face you. placing a hand at the back of your neck, you felt his lips on your forehead. then, you felt them next on the space between your brows, then at the tip of your nose, then at your chin.

stopping by your lips, he hovered, staring at you lovingly through half lidded eyes. blood rushed to your cheeks, heating up at the way he was gazing at you. slowly, akaashi captured your lips in his, pulling you forward by his hand on your nape as he moved his lips passionately you're glad you were laying down otherwise your knees would've gave out. it was sweet and short, slipping pecks in between before moving back a little.

"don't be so sad anymore, hm? i'm here now." he said, caressing your cheek with his thumb. the corner of your lips tug upward in a smile, releasing a contented sigh as you stared at each other for a little while.

kuroo tetsuro

he was in a middle of a phone call with yaku discussing about their chemistry homework and spitting out chemical names that were alien to you. it has been going of nearly an hour and a half and you were starting to get impatient, wanting to get back to the movie currenly paused at the screen before yaku called.

saturday nights were movie nights and it was an agreement that either of you must be free from distractions - no phone notifications, mentions of school works, and the like. unless it was an emergency. yaku calling wasn't an emergency, in fact, it was just to argue with kuroo that his answers were right and your boyfriend's were wrong.

and you wouldn't mind it if it were any other day but not today. not after movie nights have been pushed back twice in a row because kuroo has been too exhausted from training to even stay awake at 9 pm.

scooting closer to him on the couch, you locked him in place by putting your arms around his neck and resting your legs on his lap. used to your clinginess, he doesn't react - kept his mind on throwing insults at yaku.

so you proceed with your plan in mind. you weren't exactly placing kisses, just letting your lips graze the corner of his mouth to tease, knowing that it riled him up when you don't kiss him completely.

his free hand came to give your thigh a warning squeeze, a light chuckle leaving you as you kept teasing him, lips hovering at the side of his face. when you felt considerate, you'd kiss him lightly.

you're not really sure how long it went on but probably enough time for kuroo to give up.

"okay bro whatever, let's check it again on monday with kai and see who's really right. i'm busy, bye." with a tap on end call, he tossed the phone on the empty spot beside him before tackling you on the couch, making you shriek as your back met the cushion.

"my babygirl's such a tease," he said in a low, husky voice that sent shivers up and down your spine. before you could even utter a single word, kuroo's smashing his lips against yours, moving fast that it got you mind short-circuiting.

when you finally caught up with his pace and started getting into it, he pulled away. you whined, grabbing his collar to pull him down but doesn't budge, a smirk on his face.

"it's not so fun getting teased, is it?" he winked, clearly amused at your annoyed expression.

you rolled your eyes, groaning as you smack his bicep. "seriously kuroo?"

"what, you started it kitten. it's only fair if you get a little taste of it." he laughed when you scowled further, shaking his head lightly and giving you a sweet, gentle kiss. "sorry i interrupted our movie night."

"'s okay," you mumbled in between the kiss.

"we can make out for the rest of it, you know, a way for me to make it up to you," he said, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly.

you scoffed, but really, the idea sounded perfect.

"just admit you enjoy kissing me."

"mmm sure, whatever," kuroo mumbled as he dipped his head, capturing your lips again. maybe movie night being interrupted wasn't so bad afterall.

rb and feedbacks r sexy ty<33

2021 (c) sevmch | strictly do not copy or repost.

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alphabravocharliedelta · 3 years

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Therefore I Am | Russell Adler x Bell! Reader IV

Series: Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War

Therefore I Am | Russell Adler x Bell! Reader

Chapter IV

Word Count: 6900+

[Chapter III] [Chapter V]

Summary: [Y/N] “Bell” [L/N] was content with dying. Shot by the person whom they admired and left to die, the world was now left in the hands of the team they once thought as family. However, it seems that fate had other plans in mind…

Content Warning: mature content, gore, vulgar language, blood, injuries

Notes: Things are getting juicy! A lot happens in this one since I merged two parts into one chapter, I just didn’t want to series to run on for too long. I’m glad you’re all enjoying it though! Hopefully there isn’t too many mistakes since I don’t look over what I write sometimes.

[Y/N] "Bell" [L/N]

July, 1983

CIA Safehouse, West Germany

After your meeting with Mason, it took another half week or so for everything to get back into order.

You had to go through a psychological evaluation, answering a tirade of questions about your personal mental health. At first you thought about lying just to fuck around, but decided against. It would have just added more problems to your already growing list, and you certainly didn't want to get pushed aside. They wouldn't show you the results and passed it off. Soon enough, you were free to go.

The CIA basically had you on a leash. Someone had to keep an eye on you wherever you went, and the perfect way they went about it was to put you back under Adler's wing. You had nowhere else to go.

Then again, it was time to refresh and flex your skills. Unfortunately, they didn't give you back your belongings. The pistol and vest you had was now gone. A bit of yourself felt a bit empty without it, but at least they took it upon themselves to throw away the sentimental baggage that you held onto for so long.

Adler had yet to make an appearance since the base. He wasn't even there on the plane ride to Germany, leaving you to travel with Lazar and Mason, whom both snored loudly. You didn't have much to bring with you other than the clothes on your back and a few care packages Mason had forced you to carry, saying something along the lines of Woods craving "a sad excuse for candy", which turned out to be a pack of Hershey's.

As the ETA to the safehouse got closer, you couldn't help but dread the moment you had to walk through the metal shutters. What were you supposed to do? Act normal like nothing ever happened, and carry on with the day? That felt like the most obvious answer, and yet the thought of just having to work alongside him again made you both irritated and anxious.

The three of you arrived in West Berlin early in the morning, approximately at four a.m.. You could see the landing strip become dimly lit with the ground lights, as well as the control tower poking out in the distance. The airport was rather quiet and not busy as you had anticipated. A nice chill met your exposed skin as you walked out of the aircraft, and you felt Lazar placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Welcome back, Bell.”

Orange streaks poked through the sky by the time you arrived. The outside of the safehouse looked no different since the last time you laid eyes on it.

It was still anchored in its spot, not a leaf out of place. However, the inside felt so foreign, as there were things now occupying the spaces that were once empty. A couple of more metal tables were placed around the main area, and there were now a couple of towers made from file boxes. It felt a bit more cramped because of it, and you almost knocked some over on your way out. At the same time, though, more cozy at least.

First thing you did was get a haircut. More specifically, Sims took it upon himself to give you one once he arrived. He wasn't a professional or anything but he does a decent job, surprisingly. Your head felt significantly lighter.

Going to drop off your bags, your room was left untouched by time. It was lightly furnished, your bed was shoved into the corner with fresh sheets pulled over it. A wooden table was pushed against the wall near the door, drawers empty. On top of it, there was a Swiss watch. It seemed fairly new, but there were a few nicks and scratches on the glass cover that gave its age away. The leather strap had light creases, and it stretched out as you secured it around your wrist. Someone already took it upon themselves to adjust the time.

That was when you noticed a small rectangular package that was sitting next to it.

It was wrapped in brown paper, and pulling back the tape, it unfolded and revealed a bunch of old newspapers that served as wrapping paper. Perplexed, you ripped them off, and found a weird device. Wrapped around it was some kind of wiring. Sifting through the papers for some sort of explanation, you search for a note of some kind but to no avail. You never seen something like it before, and asked around the safehouse (except him) what it was. They told you it was recently produced, and that it was basically a portable cassette player. No one seemed to know who gave it to you, or if they knew, they wouldn't reveal it to you. Whoever it was, you were thankful for.

Having music blasted into your ears couldn't be more reassuring. The voices were drowned out, and you were able to just listen to the noise of musical instruments and heart-moving vocals. You found it easier to focus in this state.

There weren't a lot of selections on the tape, and they were also from different genres. You listened to all of them on loop multiple times, even when falling asleep. Seeing how Sims was the supply man around here, you would probably have to ask him about it later. If he was generous enough, you'll see.

Though, in return, you couldn't hear the talk going around the safehouse. If anyone needed your attention, they would need to tap you on the shoulder, or wave a hand in your view. You developed the ability to roughly read lips so you didn't need to take off your earphones as much, but if anything happened outside your peripherals, you didn't notice.

As for Adler, right when you set eyes on each other, it was like you both, begrudgingly, made a silent pact to avoid each other as much as possible. If one of you happened to be nearby, either you or him would make a detour. And if it just so happened that he needed to talk to you, he would send someone else in his stead to deliver papers or to just advise on what you needed to do next. Sims refused to be the messenger after the second time, and you even saw him talking to Adler in the back corner telling him to suck it up.

“How old are you again? Because this is getting ridiculous. You’re going to have to get used to working with them again, or I will formally write both of you up for therapy,” you heard him say.

Three days after your arrival, a briefing was finally held at twelve o' clock sharp,

You took a seat on one of the metal stools near the radio station, rotating the knob around and listening to the music stations. Most of them were static, as there wasn't a definitive signal in these parts. Unable to come to a decision, you flipped it off.

Hudson comes around, giving you a small nod when he noticed you had already joined up in front of the board. Everyone else gathered, pulling out stools or sitting on top of the table. You had to nudge Woods to the side just so you could get a view of the evidence that was being put up.

"Finally got ourselves a mission,” Hudson starts. “Our sources informed us about more intel on Soviet activity regarding a catastrophic weapon, and it has Perseus written all over it. Detonating the nukes failed, so this is probably Plan B. As for what, when and where, we don't know yet. With the intel we’re going to obtain, we can find out. The bastard’s been lying low for the longest time, so it’s about time.”

Hudson points directly at you with the marker in his hand.

"Bell, you're in on this one."

You perked up immediately as Hudson mentioned your name, taking out your earphones. It almost felt unbelievable. After months without having anything to do, you finally had the opportunity for some action, and the first thing was being deployed on a mission. It felt like a welcome back gift from Hudson in a way. Or maybe it was his way of apologizing. With that man, you could never tell.

"You'll be providing distance support with Woods as Adler and Mason go in to snag our prize."

You nod, fixing your posture. Truth be told, you weren't exactly paying attention, since you expected just to stay in West Berlin. But now things were different.

“As for where, you’ll be going back to East Berlin. The Iron Curtain is still strong, and security is tighter than ever since last time. The two groups will enter through different ways, more details on that later. You’ll both head to this area—” Hudson circles a place on the map, just between East Berlin and the border of Poland.

“You’re going in light. You'll be dressed as civilians, and the CIA informant I mentioned will meet you here, get the guns you need. From there, it’s all or nothing. Try not to cause mayhem.” He tosses the marker onto the desk. “Questions?”

"Yeah, I have one. Any reason as to why you need Bell on this one?"

All eyes turned to the speaker, which was none other than Adler. You gritted your teeth, annoyance already beginning to make its rounds. Of course he would pull something like this.

"Is there a reason as to why we shouldn't?" Hudson replies coolly. "Bell already proved themselves back at Solovetsky. That's enough for me."

"Yeah, what the idea, Adler?" Woods challenged, hopping off the table he sat on. He strided over to Adler, confronting him face to face. "Something wrong with Bell?"

"Bell hasn't exactly had the healthiest of minds as of lately,” Adler states coldly, getting up from his seat to meet Woods eye to eye. “One fatal mistake and the mission's compromised."

"It's not like Bell was given a choice on that matter, considering what you've all done," Mason joins in with a blatant distaste. "Unless… there's something else you’re hiding."

Adler shot a glance towards your direction, and you sent him a death stare in return. He contemplated for a moment, before backing down against Woods.

You couldn't tell what was going on inside that mind inside of his and you hated it. You couldn’t even catch a breath whenever he was around, and his mere presence or thought of him agitated you. Despite pledging to yourself not to let him get an advantage over you, he never failed to piss you off in some form.

"Bell's going on the mission, Adler, whether you like it or not. Work as a team. They didn't go through a psych evaluation for fun," Hudson affirms. "You all leave the first week of August."

Once the meeting was dismissed, you put your earphones back on, turning the music back to its max volume. You grabbed a small roll of bandages from the back storage, wrapping them around your hands as. The punching bag seemed like a great idea at the moment for blowing off steam, and you headed over before you could bash a wall in.

Testing the weight of it, you propel it away from you, stopping it when it returns. Getting used to it, you gave it a final push.

When it rounded towards you, you sent a clean jab to its side and watched it recoil upon impact.

You continued this cycle, increasing your hits each time as you relinquished your anger. What the hell was his problem?

There was a tap on your shoulder, causing you to jump. You resisted the urge to instinctively draw back a fist, instead holding it at your side.

Turning around, you found Woods waiting patiently with a stern, but intrigued, expression.

"What is wrong with you?" you growl.

"You're going to go deaf with that shit blasting in your ears. I could hear it a mile away," he advised.

"Is that what you came here to tell me?" You return back to the bag as Woods just took a seat on top of the table nearby.

"You gotta put more 'oomph' into it, Bell. Put the hips to work."

"If I wanted tips, I would ask Sims."

Regardless, you adjusted accordingly and delivered a series of jabs and hooks to the bag in front of you. Although better, there was still room for improvement. But, you couldn't concentrate now with Woods silently judging you with crossed arms, but you obeyed every suggestion he gave. Put your weight more on the tips of your toes, keep moving, etcetera. Sweat was already beginning to run down your forehead, your shirt sticking to your skin and the threads of the bandages fraying.

Heaving, you stop assaulting the bag when you start to feel your chest constrict. Something white flashes just outside your peripherals, and you quickly catch the towel Woods tossed.

"Why don't you take a break and talk with me for a bit?"

Sighing exasperatedly, you pull out your left earbud and you unwrap the bandages. He was unusually persistent today, but you knew he was too stubborn to be ignored. "Okay, let's hear it."

"Well, to start off, you looked kinda pissed earlier."

"Did I?" you questioned curtly, flexing your fingers. "Maybe I just have that kind of face."

"Don't be a stick in the mud, it wouldn't kill you to talk about it. You know me, I can keep secrets."

"Because you're the expert in quiet."

"Of course I–" He cuts himself off in realization. "Did Mason tell you that?"

"Probably."

"Goddammit," he swears under his breath. "Anyways, Bell. Let's talk."

You hummed in response. Mason did say he was a good listener. No wonder they were buddies. "Before we do, tell me what happened to Mason. He said he went through the same shit I did."

"Weird way to start off, but yeah, it’s some fucked up stuff, really." He hands you a water bottle, which chug instantly. "Mason was originally brainwashed to be a sleeper agent for the commies. They gave him the ability to read some sort of numbers. I don’t really get it myself, but Hudson and Weaver were getting desperate, and needed to find out what they were. They strapped him into a chair… gave him a harsh time. That kind of crap."

You wipe away excess water from the corner of your mouth. "Sounds like you guys go far back."

Woods chuckles. "'Far back doesn't even cover it."

"Why do you want to talk, anyway? Before, I was the one to initiate the conversation."

"I just want to get up to date with you," he claims, although you could detect some kind of hidden intention behind his words.

You roll your eyes. "I'm serious, Woods. Did Adler put you up to this?"

"It always goes back to Adler doesn't it? You asked Mason the same thing."

“And if I did?”

"Just talk to the guy he’s really bothering you. Hell, I’ll turn a blind eye if you happen to sock him in the jaw again.”

You smirk at his thoughtfulness. “Inciting violence in the workplace now?”

“Don’t tell Hudson,” Woods jokes. “But, in all seriousness Bell, what's up?”

"Nothing." You eyed him for a bit. He had a raised brow and tapping a finger, just waiting for you to tell him anything. It was clear that he didn't plan on leaving you alone, so you took a seat on the floor. "You should learn how to mind your own business."

"Come on.”

"No."

“I’m not going to shut up until you do.”

"Fine." You lower your voice just enough so Woods could hear. It took a bit to force the words out, but knowing the type of guy Woods was, you felt a bit more confident. "Truth be told, I… don't think Adler's exactly happy to have me back."

"How so?"

"You're kidding, right?" You scoff. "You saw what happened earlier. Bossman didn't even want me on the mission."

"A dick move on his part."

"No shit." You gave a heavy sigh. "I-I don't know. It's what I expected, but it still hurts. Like, I worked with the guy, and he shoots me in the end… Maybe a small part of me expected him to be a bit apologetic."

"When you've been doing this kind of work for years, you'll experience some stuff. By all means I'm not defending him, but seeing a body you got rid of come back to life isn't exactly easy to come to terms with."

You roll your eyes. "Wow, I feel so much better."

“Hear me out, Bell,” he starts, and you prepared yourself mentally for a long talk. “When you were MIA, there was a part of me that wished you were alive. Even being told that you had supposedly ran back to Red, it didn't feel like you would do that, you know? But we had no other choice but to accept it as reality.

"Hudson dismissed the team shortly after that. We went back home, left the safehouse behind for a good year and a half, we thought our work was done. Then we got a call, saying that there's been suspicious activity relating to Perseus going amuck, and then fast forward to today, we’re back where we started. The place felt a bit empty without you, kid."

"You missed me?"

"Fuck yeah we did! Having someone a bit younger on the team really livens up the mood don't you think? Another newbie to bully a bit. So think of this as making up for lost time."

"That's nice to hear, I guess."

Woods scratches the back of his head. Talking to you was harder than he thought, especially since you were so adamant on hating Adler. It wasn't his job to maintain your relationships in the workplace, sure, but you having this mindset would hurt yourself and everyone else in the long run. Plus, he hated seeing you like this.

"I'm sure Adler's just trying to wrap his head around this,” he comes to say. “Just give him time. He was ordered to kill one of his own, after all."

"On the contrary, isn't it me that should be 'given time'?” you challenged. “I'm the one that took the bullet, not him. It's his fault for being a lousy shot, and me being here is the consequences of his own actions."

Why should you give Adler the benefit of the doubt? Clearly he didn't feel any remorse for what he did. While you have yet to speak a word to him, it felt like he personally had it out for you. Adler should have to deal with you, not the other way around. And the stunt from earlier further proved your point.

"Just think about it, Bell. We all have our own emotional baggage. I'm not saying that yours isn't important, but everyone has their own shit to deal with. What I'm saying is to just let things play out. You never know."

"Because you definitely have the experience of being presumed dead by your best friends," you utter sarcastically under your breath.

Admittedly, hearing everyone's stories so far about how they felt during your absence was heartwarming. You thought it would be awkward trying to settle back in, but instead they all welcomed you back with open arms despite the lies they've been told.

Woods’s expression drops slightly, like he had just remembered an unpleasant memory. "Well…"

You perk up, raising your eyebrows, suddenly a bit interested in hearing his story. "...You're joking."

He smiles wryly. “You know Kravchenko, right? Had a bit of an encounter with the man, and needless to say, he’s on my shitlist now. Mason and I have it in for him, that guy is dead the moment we see him.”

“What happened?”

The veteran adjusts his sitting position, leaning back on his hands and giving out a loud sigh.

“We were caught by a few Viet Cong soldiers, forced to play Russian roulette. Scariest fucking thing I’ve done, you Russians are deranged as hell. But, we managed to make it out of there and turned the place into a living hell. Then, there was Kravncheko, beating the shit out of Mason, so I stabbed the fucker in the back. And he still wouldn't kick the bucket, and decided to pull a damn grenade. So, I took him on a trip, right out the window."

"You survived?" you say in awe. Woods really had a way of telling stories.

"I ain't dying to the likes of him! But, he came to first, and then threw me into a POW camp, before shipping me off to Da Nang. But I wasn't going to fucking die in that shithole, so here I am now."

"Hm, I guess we have something in common now,” you grin.

"Well, now that I told you some of my history…" Woods hops off the table to sit beside you. He props a knee up to rest his arm on, and it reminded you of a child who's excited for a bedtime story. "You need to share some of yours."

You gave a dry laugh, shaking your head. "...You set me up for this."

"C'mon. Sharing is caring."

"I'm not a storyteller."

"Well you are now."

0000

“Bell sure has taken a liking to the Walkman.”

Adler looked up from his station, and found Lazar standing across from him.

Taking a peek over in your direction, you sat alongside Woods near the punching bag. You were both exchanging something he didn’t know about, and even saw Woods giving him a few glares over the shoulder. Shortly after though, the conversation turned lighthearted, both of you laughing at something.

"Mason!" you shouted. "Did I ever tell you about the time where Woods assaulted the mannequin?!"

Woods jumped up. "Bell! What the fuck?!"

"Oh shit, sorry."

The Walkman Lazar referred to was poking out of your back pocket, playing whatever cassette tape inside. A wire poked out from the end of it, before parting into two, leading to your ears.

“What about it?” Adler says flatly, before resuming his work on the mission files.

You haven’t spoken a word to him. Not one bit. Even after he questioned Hudson's choices. Whenever he did talk to you, if he even tried to, you would only nod or shake your head in response to him, and the only time you would look at him was to scowl. He noticed you would flinch slightly at the tone of his voice, and he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about it. Or how you would lock the door whenever you went to rest.

Not only that, but it was clear that you were talking to everyone else but him. It had taken some time for you to warm up to the rest of the members again, but it was noticeable that you were closer to Lazar and Mason. While they weren't full blown paragraphs, you would engage in brief conversations with them frequently. You were on close terms with Woods and Mason, and Sims was decent. For Hudson, at least, whenever he dropped by, you answered with single word statements. And you hated Hudson.

So if you hated Hudson, how did you feel about him?

“You haven’t been exactly doing your best at trying to reconnect with Bell either, you know,” Lazar points out, before taking another bite from his food.

“Are you implying that I take initiative instead?”

Lazar shrugs. “If what you call earlier 'taking initiative', you need a new approach.”

Adler had nailed it relentlessly into you that you’ve known him and Sims since Vietnam, but the truth was that you only knew each other for a few months. He couldn't exactly waltz up to you, declare an apology, and expect everything to be how it was before you found out. So, he could only hope you were faring well, or managing a way to deal with it all.

"I'll think about it," was all he said.

"If you say so. You need ideas? Let me know." Lazar was about to walk away, before pausing and turning back. "Drinks tonight?"

"Ask Woods. He's been dying for one."

Lazar laughed before departing.

Thinking about what he had told him, Adler couldn't help but feel a little spark of relief. If one were to look closely enough, the corners of his mouth were upturned slightly in a smile. It wasn't noticeable to the naked eye, but it was there.

He was the one who left you the Walkman after all, so to hear that you favored it dearly was a plus one in his books.

0000

Giving out a loud yawn, you slapped your cheeks trying to keep yourself awake.

It was now the first week of August, and it was just your luck that you couldn't get a good night's sleep the day prior. As exhausted as you were, you've been looking forward to getting back onto the field. Hopefully you weren't as rusty as Woods claimed.

"I'm surprised you never shot the asshole yet."

You looked up from your scope at the building across from you, where Woods sat comfortably. Adjusting your grip on the rifle, you resumed to survey the streets below you, noting the positions of bystanders and patrolling guards.

"Shot who?"

Berlin was just as depressing as it was the last time you were there for the Volkov mission. Sneaking through the U-Bahn, meeting up with Greta Keller and her asking you of a favor; breaking into the apartment due to Lazar (graciously) volunteering you, only to be compromised thanks to Lukas Richter, whom you let free beforehand. The dark side of you would have loved to put a bullet through the backstabbing traitor, but Belikov did the job for you (unfortunately).

“Damaged goods.”

You worked with Adler on that mission.

“Oh.” You had answered your own question. “Truth be told, the thought never really crossed my mind. But, now that you mentioned it…”

You adjust your position, now looking down at an alleyway a good distance from where you were perched. You trained your crosshair to be about the height of a six foot male, pointing it directly at the corner of the wall.

“You’re sick, Bell,” Woods’ voice echoed in your earpiece. “You know that?”

“Bastard did say that I didn’t have ‘the healthiest of minds’,” you retort, doing an awful mimicry of Adler’s voice.

“I can hear you.”

Good.

"It's Mason. Look sharp, we're in position."

The building of interest wasn't as large as you thought it would be. Apparently it's an old apartment building with a clothing shop on the first floor. There were no occupants, most likely forced to relocate upon the start of the war.

Zooming out, you see Mason and Adler round the corners on opposite sides of the building, wearing the uniforms of local police. Mason was on the left side, and Adler on the right. They took positions next to the door. You could hear Adler countdown, and you held your breath as they both opened their doors simultaneously, peeking inside before slithering in and shutting the door.

“First floor clear. Moving to second.”

Your vision was limited, but you kept an eye on the windows on each floor, waiting for any suspicious activity. Everything was going smoothly so far, the duo having no issues as they continued up the building.

You saw something shift. “Heads up, movement on the fourth floor,” you utter into your earpiece.

“Got it,” Adler confirms over comms.

After a moment of time passed, the weather started to turn sour. It almost seemed like the weather reflected the mood of the people: the skies completely dark and rain continuously pouring. The rumbling cracks of thunder rolled in following the flashes of lightning. You winced at the first clap of thunder.

“Don’t tell me you're afraid of a little thunder, kiddo,” Woods taunts from his end.

“I was just caught off guard.”

“Third and fourth floor clear.”

Mason and Adler rendezvous on the fourth floor, and you could see Mason drag a body out of view as Adler closed the door. They converged in the middle of the room, but a wall blocked your view.

“What the hell? Is this what we came here for?” Mason voiced in disappointment.

“Why, what is it?”

You couldn’t hear the reply over the clap of thunder. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up. You felt uneasy, the operation was going by too smoothly. The guards around the area never so budged from their spot, instead chatting away with their partners, or too busy being held up on unsuspecting bypassers. You wiped away the raindrops from your scope using your finger, before taking the chance to sweep another view of the streets once again.

Another flash of white and a clap of thunder.

"Mason, Adler? What's the hold up?" Woods asks. You both waited for a response, only to hear static. He repeated the question again with more urgency.

Nothing again.

"Shit…" you cuss under your breath. You couldn't see anything from the window.

Looking at your watch, the team was supposed to meet at the extraction point in twenty-five minutes. From there, you would be taken back to West Berlin. But Mason nor Adler had confirmed anything, and you were all going to fall behind schedule at this point.

Contemplating the choices, you folded the bipod for your rifle. You wouldn't have time to dismantle the attachments, so you threw the strap around your shoulders to let it hang from your back. Whipping out your sidearm, you loaded in a few bullets and adjusted the silencer at the end.

“Woods, I’m going in,” you announce, already dashing towards the edge of the roof. “Cover me.”

“Dammit Bell, wait—”

“Don’t worry about it. I got this.”

Vaulting over the edge, you slide downwards on top of a metal shed, before landing on a balcony. You cursed silently as your equipment banged and jingled with every movement you made. Praying that the Stasi had horrible hearing, you lean over the rail, checking to see if there was anyone patrolling under you. With the coast clear, you tested the strength of a nearby pipe before climbing down on it.

You could feel it just waiting to give out any moment, but you made it down without any trouble. Landing with a thud, the alley was dark, scarcely illuminated by the streetlights. Rain was pouring down, the sound of the droplets hitting the pavement covering your tracks.

Rounding the corner, one soldier stood alone. They had a cigar in their mouth, and you could smell the fumes making its way your direction. The smell of nicotine and tobacco made you sick to the stomach for some reason. You waited for the next boom of thunder to occur, and when it did you snuck up behind them.

Covering their mouth and having a good choke hold on them, you dragged them back into the depths of the alley where light couldn't reach, before snapping their neck. You put the body inside a nearby bin, and continued on your way.

"Woods, how's it looking over there?" you whisper.

"Still no sight of them. Are you sure you got this?"

"This is me we're talking about."

You stuck close to the walls, making sure to avoid any well lit areas. The clothing shop was just across the street, and you didn't have a clear path. Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you looked for any other possible routes nearby. A couple of patrol cars were lined up alongside a makeshift barricade towards your right. There were two figures sitting on the hood of one of them.

"Hey, need your help on something. At your four o'clock. Two on the car. You take the one on the left."

"Got it."

"On my mark…" you began to count down, steadying your crosshairs onto their head. The rumbling of thunder started to go off as you held your breath to steady your aim. "Now!"

The thunder drowned out the sound of the silencers, and you quickly ran over to the cars as lightning flashed.

"Good hit."

Working quick, you pulled both of their bodies off the car and shoved them under it, tucking their arms and legs in. The rain was already cleaning the blood off the car, not noticeable from a distance.

You let yourself catch a breath before moving behind the next car. Peeking over the trunk, you could see that the attentions of a couple police officers were pointing towards the general area of Woods position, and you prompted him to move to a different area. "They got eyes on you Woods, try find a better area before they start moving."

“Well, time to pack it up. You’ll be on your own for a bit, kid.”

Entering the shop, there were racks of clothing pushed up on the sides. A few shirts were strewn across the ground, and the cash register was propped open and rusty. The lights were off, the streetlights casting a dim glow inside. An open door was behind the counter, leading to a flight of stairs.

Going up, all the doors leading to each floor were wide open, and taking a peek inside, there was no one. It was eerily quiet, to a point where your light footsteps echoed. The building appeared smaller when you viewed it from afar, but travelling up

Pulling the door open to a crack, you peered inside and saw that a group of Stasi were gathered around something on the floor. They were speaking erratically in German, trying to figure out what to do. Leaning in a bit more, you realize that they were surrounding the Adler and Mason, who were on the floor. They weren't moving at all.

Were they dead?

No, there was no way. They wouldn't go down without a fight. But the simple thought of it made you sick to your stomach.

Whipping out a flashbang, you ripped the door open and threw it in as hard as you can. A blinding light flashed before you. Squinting through the brightness, you took the one closest to you as hostage, letting them absorb any bullets that fly your direction. You popped one shot into each of the guards, four in total, before adding your makeshift bulletproof jacket to the pile. They fell to the ground, clutching their chests as they drew their final breath. You stepped over them, kicking their arms aside.

“Well, I found them.”

“How do they look?”

Adler and Mason remained unmoving as you got to them. Squatting, you leaned close to check if they were still breathing.

You gave a sigh of relief. “Unconscious.”

“Well we don’t have all night, Bell. Wake ‘em up, I hear police cars approaching the area.”

“Yeah, give me a couple minutes.”

You brought your hand up to Adler’s face, about to deliver a good slap to wake him up, but you stopped midway, noticing his rather peaceful expression despite the situation.

There were strands out of place from his normally styled hair, and his sunglasses were just about to slip right off the tip of his nose. Finally, the man was quiet. But, you had to admit, the more you looked at him, you couldn't help but find him rather–

What the fuck is wrong with me?

This was the guy that tried to kill you. The one that didn’t want you on the damn mission. And yet why did you feel this way?

Brushing aside your thoughts, you propped Adler against the wall, only to notice that there was a hole in his side. Lifting up his shirt, there was a bullet wedged inside him. It wasn’t lodged in too deep and didn’t hit any important arteries or parts. You whipped out your med kit, pulling out a large gauze pad and some tape.

"Bell?"

Adler stirred awake on his own as you worked on him. You didn't even notice him becoming conscious until he groaned and adjusted his weight. His hand shot towards his side instinctively as you applied pressure but you slapped it away.

"Glad to know you still care at least," he comments in amusement as you cleaned the area.

"Don’t patronize me."

A look of astonishment played on Adler’s face as you scowled at him. You just spoke to him.

As much as you wanted to argue with the guy, you slapped the gauze over his abdomen, securing it tightly with tape before bringing out your roll of bandages. It wasn't the best of treatments, so he would have to fix it up back at the safehouse.

"Are we on speaking terms again?"

"Don't make me regret my decision,” you spat.

You couldn't stand it. The silent treatment you were giving him was already difficult to maintain with Adler always having some kind of remark or witty statement at his disposal, and your first instinct was to retort back with any insult that came to mind.

And with that, you purposely tightened the knot of Adler's bandage, gaining a little satisfaction seeing him wince. "Ouch."

"God you never shut up, do you?"

Though, you had to admit, it felt a bit more relaxing to finally talk to him.

You moved over to Mason, giving his face a few slaps. It took a bit, but he stirred awake, his hand automatically going to touch the back of his head. "Ugh, the hell?"

"Get up, don't have much time." You pass him his rifle, pulling the lever back for him. Mason groggily got up to his feet, taking the gun out of your hands. "Woods, how's it looking out there?"

"They're making a barricade around the area. Our escape route is blocked."

"Well shit," Mason chimes in. "How long until exfil?"

Adler looks at his watch. "Five minutes. Not enough time."

"Well, we'll just have to make do, don't we?" You kick one of the downed rifles towards Adler.

He picks it up all while maintaining a stony expression. You could tell he was resisting the urge to lecture you, but had the decency to pick his own fights.

Adler hops right back up, even taking the time to brush himself off. "How do I look?"

"Pathetic," you remark.

"Are you two done flirting?" Mason yells from the stairwell, sticking his head through the door.

The three of you urgently made your way down, taking a bit of a shortcut by vaulting over the railing.

"There should be a car nearby," you tell them. "Woods, meet us at the coffee shop around the corner, we'll do a drive by."

“Well you better haul ass, cause we got friends!”

Running out to the street, Adler and Mason follow your lead while keeping their weapons up. The rain showed no signs of letting up, and the police sirens were getting closer. You went to the nearest car and pulled at the door handle. "Of course it's locked," you hiss under your breath.

You break the window using your elbow and reach in to unlock the door. Some idiot left the keys inside the car so you slid it into the ignition and revved it awake. "Get in!"

Slamming on the gas, you didn’t give them the chance to close the door as the car lurched forward. The tires screeched loudly under you, leaving marks on the pavement as you sped off. Red and blue lights flooded the darkness, and you turned the wheel sharply to avoid the building.

“Mason, get your door open! Woods is going to be on that side!” you bark over the gunfire. You hear the rear window being pelted relentlessly, Adler and Mason ducking to avoid the bullets. He forcibly kicks the door open, but it just breaks right off and strays away as you drove down the street.

“The zone’s too hot! Woods might as well be a beehive if he tries to jump in here!” Adler exclaims while reloading.

You dove your hands to your side, fishing out a small C4 and handing it over to him. “Try not to shoot at me this time around, will you?”

“Very funny.”

Adler uses the butt of his rifle to knock out the remaining glass from the back window. Seeing a good opportunity, he tosses the C4 out, and shoots it with perfect precision. Orange and yellow raged outward in the air, shaking the entire vehicle and causing you to swerve a bit. From the mirror, you could see a couple of police cars flip over.

The coffee shop was just a click away, and you could see Woods taking cover behind a raised flower bed made from stacked bricks. You honked the horn to let him know of your presence, and he poked his head out.

You slam on the breaks while gassing at the same time, tugging the wheel towards the left and bringing the car to a small drift. It stops in front of Woods, who dives right in while giving out a cheer.

"Nice driving, Bell!”

And with everyone back together, you speed off into the night, leaving behind another mess once again in East Berlin. Hudson wouldn't be exactly ecstatic to hear about it, but the job was done.

#russell adler #russell adler x reader #russell ader x bell #cod black ops cold war #black ops cold war #call of duty #bo:cw #text #bell #call of duty x reader #call of duty imagine #fanfic #oh boy just wait for the next chapter its all over for you all #abcd briefing

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rant-2-me · 3 years

Note

My mental state has just worsened over the days, though I'm not sure why, and I just feel so unmotivated and lacking any energy to practice any self care other than napping, and also feel anxious because I'm not studying enough.. feel like I'm just 1/4th assing my responsibilities.. And when someone asks me how I'm doing, sometimes I blurt out that I'm not fine, and the guilt I feel afterwards for making them worry, so I find myself withdrawing from initiating conversation with them, even though I really want to, and this makes them worry about me more.. I just don't know anything anymore, everything feels too much, yet I can't rant in a clear conscience without feeling guilty for bothering them, and thinking how I don't deserve to complain because they have had so much worse (yes I know pain is relative, but I feel so horrible, like a whiny child, who doesn't know how to be content with her blessings)......

Sorry I know it's a lot.. feel free to delete it if it's triggering or making you uncomfortable in any way... I just needed to get it out..

My lovely nonnie, im so, so glad you sent this ask. and got it all out of your system. yeah this sounds cheesy but like ive been there, with not knowing how to reach out—im proud you had the courage to send this ask. girlboss vibes.

also this ask took a while to answer and im so so sorry about that, but I didnt want to do anything less than the best for you, so let's just jump right in <[:)

Lacking motivation, god I've been there, but doing self care is super super important so here is a how-to, hon.

How to do selfcare when you’re not motivated to:

1. Be a little “gross.”

Gross is in quotes because it’s so subjective, but you undoubtedly have a few behaviors you consider kind of gross regardless. Now’s the time to do them without judgment. For me, that’s meant showering less, eating weird food combos (sometimes in bed), and letting my brows and mustache grow magnificently unruly. For you, it could mean doing something you normally judge yourself for or cutting back on activities you only do for the benefit of others. Now is not the time to allow “socially acceptable” behaviors to rule you.

2. Eat whatever the hell you want.

This should be a rule always, but I’m not going to pretend there aren’t societal, social, and personal pressures that go into why we eat what we eat. Try to shut down the voice that judges or polices what you’re eating right now. We’re in the middle of a goddamn pandemic. If dinner has to be some slices of cheese and deli meat eaten in front of the open fridge, so be it. If you have a lot of cravings and are snacking more than you normally would, cool. If pre-pandemic you decided you were going to stick to a certain meal plan and it’s just not happening anymore? Don’t beat yourself up.

Yes, what we eat is connected to our mental health, and I don’t want to discount that—but if the stress of eating healthfully is making you feel like crap anyway, whether that’s because you can’t fathom cooking or don’t have the means to shop for certain foods during isolation, just eat the sleeve of Oreos and try again another day. It’s okay.

3. And wear whatever you want.

Or, more realistically, wear whatever you can. Even if it means wearing the same ratty sweatpants for a whole week. Or month. Maybe you started all this out aspiring to get dressed every day to work from home productively, or maybe you have a whole collection of comfortable loungewear you feel guilty for not utilizing. Whatever arbitrary rules and expectations you’ve set for yourself, you can throw them out.

On the other hand, maybe you need to quiet the voice that tells you there’s no point in getting dressed or feeling presentable. If it helps, by all means, play with your look, wear awesome or weird outfits, do your hair and makeup or whatever activity might feel a little silly given your current reality. In the middle of a pandemic, nothing is a waste of time if it makes you feel good.

4. Use shortcuts to avoid creating chores.

In my first week or so of working entirely from home, I was baffled by just how messy my apartment got. How on earth were so many messes piling up when I wasn’t even doing anything but working, sleeping, and eating? I hadn’t realized it, but a lot of my small tidying routines had become casualties to the pandemic. And, it turns out, slacking on the little ways I pick up after myself every day (such as doing the dishes right after I use them) added up quickly.

Instead of forcing myself to stick to the same levels of tidiness that I used to maintain, I’ve found shortcuts. For example, I use paper plates and plastic cutlery when I feel too fatigued to wash dishes so they don’t sit in the sink for days on end. Or I stick to the same two “outfits” to avoid clothes piling up when I’m too depressed to put them away every day. If you can find a small way to go easy on yourself, even if it feels a little wasteful or indulgent or gross, it’s okay to tap into those shortcuts right now.

5. Be kind to yourself if your place is messy or dirty.

I won’t lie: I’m someone whose space impacts my mental health a lot. Typically, keeping my apartment clean helps keep my mental health in check and letting my apartment get gross makes me feel worse. That’s still true in a lot of ways, but to adapt I’ve been trying to be mindful and accepting of where I’m at. And it’s…helped?

It turns out that taking the pressure off does a lot to mitigate the guilt and some of the other negative mental health effects I usually experience. In practice, it involves a lot of talking to myself. Instead of seeing my apartment turning into a depression cave and immediately thinking, “Oh, God, I need to clean up, this is so disgusting, I’m a monster for living like this, of course I feel depressed,” I go for kindness. I think (or even say out loud because, well, desperate times), “Of course my apartment is a mess right now. I’ll get to it when I get to it. I can handle the mess for now.”

6. Accept your new sleep schedule.

idk anyone whose sleep hasn’t been screwed in some way by all of this. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, pent-up energy from sheltering in place, tech use, new work responsibilities, screwy schedules…pretty much every aspect of our new reality can impact our sleep. Some people are sleeping a lot more, some are sleeping a lot less, and some are cycling through both extremes. Oh, and the temptation of naps! It’s all there.

Trying to maintain a healthy sleep schedule during all of this is a worthy endeavor—and more power to you if you’ve figured out how—but there’s a good chance that it feels impossible.

By “accepting” your new sleep schedule, I don’t mean pretending it doesn’t suck; I mean doing what you can to be gentle on yourself about it. For me, acceptance has looked like watching some comfort tv and reading my favourite books at 2 a.m. instead of staying in bed and anxiety-spiraling about how I can’t sleep. Is it ideal? No way. But I’m not going to waste energy stressing about something I currently can’t control.

7. Give yourself plenty of room to do absolutely nothing.

I’ve given myself permission to do a whole lot of nothing. That includes getting rid of the pressure to be productive and practice self-care, yes, but in a broader sense, it also means not forcing myself to actively “adjust” every day.

Some days, I just need to do nothing but feel my feelings. Or avoid feeling my feelings. Or stare at the ceiling. Give yourself space to do (or not do) whatever you need to.

also, nonnie? my love?

Never feel guilty about telling someone who cares about you when you don’t feel okay.

People who genuinely care about you—and I’m sure they are many—will care if you aren’t feeling good, there are always going to be people who care about you, who want you to be okay, that’s why they ask, why people make rant, why “how are you?” is such a common question.

But if you do need to talk, but you feel like you’ll “burden” people who you do talk to, here’s a guide to ranting.

Guide to ranting:

1. Pick the right person. Someone who’s in the right headspace to listen to you, you could also pick someone who cares about you—if you’re anxiety tells you nobody cares about you, pick someone who “should” care about you in your relationship, e.g: a friend you’ve had for a long time, a friend who’s told a few of their problems, or friend you might not feel close with, but seems very kindhearted and a good listener.

2. Pick the right time to talk to them, so you can have their undivided attention. If they are busy—as most people will be with something—they’ll have a hard time giving you good advice and listening to you. Ask them when they are free, and then ask them:

3. “hey, can we talk? I’m not mad or you or anything, it’s just that I have been not feeling great, and I just want to rant to someone about it.” and “No pressure to say yes, you might have your own stuff to do deal with.” to make sure they are the right person to talk to.

4. It’s ok to test the waters. Start slowly, you don’t have to share everything at once if you don’t want to.

5. You never know how your friend will react to what you say.While you can’t know how they’ll react, just remember that sometimes people’s initial reactions may come from a place of shock, surprise or not knowing what to say. Their initial reaction isn’t always their longerterm reaction, it may just take them a little time to process.

6. Look for ways to take action. Don’t get me wrong, ranting can be amazing for you, but on its own may not solve your problem.

But maybe venting to people isn’t for you. No matter! There are other ways to get out emotions:

Ways to rant without talking to anyone

1. Cry it out— simple and rewarding. When the baggage is just too heavy to carry cry it out. It can help you ease the pressure and ease your mind to think straight after days of holding that frustration in.

2. Work out — easy and fun. tire yourself out and release all the frustration in working out! This is going to be so satisfying for you as you try and punch, kick, balance, lift, and breathe those frustrations away.

3. Clean & rearrange — practical and can be fun. we get frustrated by so many things and one thing that can truly help clear our minds is to have a clean place where we can stay and live for the moment to breathe. Clean your room, rearrange your things and you’ll be surprised by the satisfaction this brings — a signal of a new beginning.

4. Scribble — simple and fun. Make scribbles, doodles, drawings, take a pen or a pencil, and let go. It does not have to be “good” art or professional at all. Just draw whatever comes to heart, sunflowers or clouds or rainbows—anything.

5. Write it down — fun and simple. Let those words out of your head and just live in the moment.

How to fight the lack of motivation.

1. Don't fight the lack of motivation.

If you feel down or unable to muster tons of energy, let it be ok. Be easy on yourself and acknowledge that it's ok to have a dip, especially at this time of the year.

2. Once you have accepted your slump, get to the bottom of it.

Ask yourself, "What is the root cause of this sluggish feeling?" Go deeper than the obvious reasons. Is it related to work? Your personal life? Relationships? It might also just be the weather. Get clear on what areas of your life you're feeling the most resistance.

3. Dig into that area. What is not ideal about this aspect of your life? What would make it better?

Make a list of how you'd like your current situation to improve--and be specific. If you truly can't find a reason to be less than enthusiastic, then accept your feelings and let them pass with time.

4. Take your list of what is missing and go through it.

What is holding you back from being able to create the things that are missing in your life?

5. Get support for creating the life you want.

Do some research and find an expert to help you. Even though they love you, friends and family aren't objective enough, and they tend to give advice that is a reflection of their own life and insecurities.

6. Think of current habits that are contributing to a less-than-ideal life.

Maybe it's fear, laziness, or not having enough confidence. Pick one to focus on.

7. Address this habit over the next 2 months.

They say it takes 28 days to create a new habit, but this varies from person to person. If you focus on it for two months, you are sure to build the neural pathways needed to call it a new way of being.

8. Buy a book, read articles or do some research on this particular behavior or feeling.

Read about the common causes of this habit as well as the proven ways to bust through and work around it.

9. Create a plan around shifting your current habit.

Make sure that changing this habit ultimately helps you move forward in the area of your life that is not ideal. The energy from clarity, awareness and then action will immediately get you feeling more motivated, no matter what.

10. When all else fails: make a list of activities that excite you, and do one of them right now.

Talk to a fun friend, dance around at home, workout, watch a funny YouTube video, tackle something on your to-do list. Accomplishing something will give you a hit of dopamine in your brain. If you're too overwhelmed by your day, sit for five minutes and meditate. Put on some soothing music and breathe.

okay, that's all nonnie, I hope you feel the lust for life in your lungs, please have all my love, i hope this helped, this ask took a while, but it was worth if it helps

and if you need to dont worry to send another ask, if you like spam the inbox!! queen!!!

take care, much love my sweet honey, bye <3

—*putting daisies in your hair as they leave* mod peppermint <[:)

#mod peppermint #ask #anon #rant

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oh-mother-of-darkness · 4 years

Text

asks (26)

@spickerzocker said:

hey there! just a heads up that i tried to click on the "why i don't ship" explanation link in your faq and it says that there is no post with that url/it's generally broken. also your "a conversation about recovery" thing is beautiful and hurts in the best way and i love it. have a nice day!

Yes, I intentionally took that link down awhile ago, and last night I went and updated some of the tabs on my blog. Here are my basic thoughts:

I wrote that link years and years ago, while I was first navigating the internet and while I was still figuring out important things about my own identity and opinions. I ran my blog differently back then, but by the end of the first few months, I knew I was uncomfortable with shipping.

As people began to interact with me and my work, I told them over and over again no, I don’t want to talk about that, and I don’t want to write about it, and it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t think that was a common position to take at the time, so it wasn’t what people expected from me.

During those years, I felt like I had to justify myself and give a valid explanation. I wrote that post explaining why I had that boundary, and I put it in a place where anyone could find it.

I said no when people asked, let them make jokes about it, and made jokes about it myself in response. As time went on I got more and more exasperated when I had to repeat myself. I wrote definite rules into my ask box, request tab, and FAQ. People still asked. I wrote it into my description. People still asked.

The truth is yeah, there’s a pretty simple explanation for my discomfort. It makes sense. It’s easy to understand, and most folks think it’s a “good enough” reason to leave me alone. The difference between young-me and current-me is that I no longer feel the need to justify myself.

None of y’all need to know why I set the boundaries that I set. My explanation isn’t relevant, and I’m not obligated to give it. I said no. That’s enough.

I think a good number of folks remember my explanation from the past, and I don’t mind that at all. There may be a time where I talk about it again, in a more appropriate context, so I guess we’ll see.

That’s a lot of information in response to a very helpful ask. Thanks! The link is gone now, and I’m so pleased that you enjoyed the fic :)

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Anonymous said:

U suck

Kenza sent this anon as a joke. She’s right, and I thank her.

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Anonymous said:

I'm a doctor and ive seen it all.....but the milk fic made me gag

Excellent

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@wingedskyes said:

Ah. Wait. I wasn't on anon....uhm. oh well. It's fine. I like milk and am not ashamed. 😆

I don’t think I received another message from you actually, but I too like milk and I’m glad we’re on the same page

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@thelittleredheadedmusician said:

To add to the milk discussions: my best friend from home and best friend from college have each finished a gallon a milk by themselves within 2 days.

I do that too, every once in awhile. When the milk craving hits it’s a gallon a day

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Anonymous said:

"TIM! POUR HIM. A GLASS OF M A L K!"

Hold on I have to google some things

Yeah this is funny

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Anonymous said:

I have read that milk fic three separate times and every time I’m laughing just as hard as Tim and dick by the end it’s just so excellently executed and builds so perfectly that by the time dick cracks I’m ready to go too and I just lose it it’s amazing I love it

Awww anon I’m so pleased :)

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@the-smartass-under-the-mountain said:

Just wanted to drop by and say your recent fic with Tim antagonizing Damian with increasingly outrageous milk concoctions had me giggling. It was so cute and refreshing to see Dick enjoying Tim's little prank. And Bruce's reaction to just... walk away was fantastic!

Thank you! I’m always so thrilled when y’all think the jokes hit

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@njtheboywonder said:

I havnt really enjoyed a fic in years, but i stopped to read ur fanfic with tim drinking milk just to fuck w dami amd it made me smile. Thanks, for writing it.

Oh that warms my heart <3

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@bruciewayneisbatman said:

Tim Is totally the guy who would drink ridiculous amounts of dalgona coffee to annoy damian, according to that fic.

Had to google that one, but I guess so huh

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Anonymous said:

(diff anon) but that birthday fic was so good oml and you have opened my eyes as to the batfam in quarantine this is such a Concept

We’re all here dying..... together...

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Anonymous said:

Happy birthday! 🎉 or belated! 🎂 thank you for being in the fandom. 😊

Anonymous said:

To anon! Sorry. I forgot to add that! Anyway, thanks to them we get a lovely fic. I hope you have many more birthdays! 😊

Message for you anon

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Anonymous said:

Your writing gives off good vibes

Hear that guys I “passed my vibe check.” Is that what the youth say these days? I am an elder now and I do not know

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Anonymous said:

finding your blog while being relatively new to batman fandom is such a bliss. your batfam content especially is *chef's kiss* amazing.

Thank you my darling :) I’m glad you’re here

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Anonymous said:

Best line in a fic? Hard to pick just one, but this particular one from "Just Desserts" by fyeahbatmanandrobin on Tumblr is one of my faves: “Anyone else would be hard-pressed to provide the particular brand of excitement you bring to my life, Dami.”

@noisypaintersong said:

For the line thing: "I don't doubt it. Bruce Wayne, the unexpectedly normal guy wrapped in a mystery wrapped in a superhero wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a fake socialite wrapped in a businessman wrapped in a secretive billionaire." He paused. "…You're the seven-layer burrito of Gotham," he pondered. - Barry to Bruce in 'Of Friends and Foes' by Paganpunk2 on FFN. It's one of the funniest things I've read someone say to Bruce LOL

@kirakats submitted:

Anonymous said:

“I do know that according to everyone else, there is no chance, no future, no universe where I stay a hero.” Describes my frustration with the way DC treats Damian so accurately. Let the kid be a hero dammit.

Thanks! That’s really helpful. I’ve got a decent answer to my question now.

@kurawastaken submitted:

So this is Kenza retaliating against me for the milk fic. I very much hate tomatoes and specifically ketchup. This photo (1) is a nightmare and (2) fulfills its intended purpose.

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Anonymous said:

I love your blog!!!

And I love you

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Anonymous said:

quick question: how do you think jason reconciles with the fam?? i think in the comics they kinda just reboot and now he’s on better terms. but like what conversations happened, yknow??? (you’re doin great work by the way, it rips out my heart but it’s great)

This is an amazing question, and I’ll be thinking about it for the next bit, I think. That would be a really interesting topic to explore in depth

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@angel-gidget said:

*hugs you real tight* would you please send this to the first 10 people in your dash? Make sure someone gets a hug today and stay safe!

Oh thank you for the hug <3

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Anonymous said:

I hadn’t been aware of that Memphis petition, but I live in Memphis too (Altho I know you said you just grew up there so you may not be living here currently haha) so ig I just wanted to say thanks for bringing it to my attention!

!!!

I’ve been in Texas for six years now, ever since I started school, but I’m still in and out of Memphis for family purposes. Love the trash heap of my birth

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@damianwaynerocks said:

hey! any chance you know of any other dc heroes around damian’s age?

Sure! You could try Billy Batson, Jon Kent, or Maya Ducard

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Anonymous said:

hi! i don't know if it's okay to leave anons like these but ive been feeling down because my country has passed a bill that deprives us of lots of human rights freedom and i want you to know that i just found your blog through the damian/bruce + justice fic and it comforted me. im slowly going thru your works and so far they are all comforting. i love your stuff, thank you.

Philippines? I’ve heard some things, and I’m real sorry y’all’re going through that. I don’t know that there’s anything I could say about that to help, but I hope you’re finding joy somewhere

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@awesomeness-ofgaybitches said:

Tumblr hates you. The links in your bio and to your fic masterlist don't work on mobile. I'm sorry.

FUCK

#I'd like to also take this opportunity to note that at this time #I have blocked 7 people for variations on #okay no ships but what about sailboats??#but what about the TITANIC #here's a picture of the bat-boat tho #guess what kids it's not creative or funny #and I explicitly said that jokes will get you blocked #I follow through #asks

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addictedforbooksquad · 4 years

Photo

B O O K R E V I E W

╙ T H E Q U E E N O F N O T H I N G B Y H O L L Y B L A C K

genre: fantasy, young adult

publication date: 19th November, 2019

rating (1-5 scale):

writing: ★ ★ ★ ★

characters & character development: ★ ★ ★ ★

could-not-put-it-down factor: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

general rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS!

“By you, I am forever undone.”

Exhilarating. Feels-inducing. Heart-attacking. I didn't just read this book. I devoured it. Inhaled it through my pores. Drank it in with haste and thirst as if indulging in faerie wine after a year-long fast. Perhaps from a storytelling point of view, this wasn't as good as “The Wicked King” but nevertheless, I revelled in every single page. I read it in one go, from cover to cover, and all I can say is that it was absolutely worth a sleepless night. And then it left me so satisfied and full of reflections and feelings, then I just cannot stop thinking about it. And aren't those books, which leave us content and sated, and yet somehow yearning for even more of a good thing, just the best? Now, onto the details, the good and (despite 5-star rating) the bad: I. the sister thing Anyone who knows me, knows that I absolutely hated Taryn in the first two books. Betrayal of her sister aside, I just found her utterly and unforgivably...boring. In "The Queen of Nothing" though, I was happy to discover depths to her character that weren't that fleshed out before. From killing Locke (YASSS!!!) to standing up to Madoc, side by side with Jude and Vivi, Taryn finally showed with her ACTIONS, not words, which side she is on. And look, this perhaps doesn't erase what she did to Jude in “The Cruel Prince” but I liked how the story unfolded between them in this last installment. This is not a series about pure-hearted good characters. They all did awful things. They all did some of those awful things to each other. So in the end, I'm glad there was no "grovelling" on Taryn's part, no act of "official" forgiveness. That's not how things work in Faerie. More than that, all the sisterly moments! Loved them! Whether it was Taryn trying to gossip about Cardan with Jude or the three sisters united against Madoc, it was great to see a positive sister relationship in a fantasy for once. I definitely prefer them together than apart and set up against each other. II. the trick thing I had lots of theories after finishing "The Wicked King" about Cardan banishing Jude from Elfhame and damn, do I have a satisfaction of getting it at least partially right. I know a lot of people hated what Cardan did in TWK but personally, I loved that plot twist. I thought it evened out the playing field between them and I always knew there was more to it anyway. And would you look at that, it was indeed a trick! When Jude and Cardan reunited and he was so utterly confused that Jude WASN'T proud of him for pulling one over her...priceless. He did it to impress her. He did it to protect her (and his kingdom). He did it to, let's face it, get back at her. It's so wonderfully twisted, my pitch-black heart rejoices and flutters. Added to that delicious cake of dark and twisted is a cherry of irony on top which is the fact that Jude did realize that she could pardon herself...and didn't. She, who is usually so smart and devious and quick to pick up on other people being smart and devious, wasn't able to see through the smoke screen and guess Cardan's true intentions. Which isn't that surprising to me, because when it comes to feelings, my daughter Jude is the most hopeless and oblivious person in that fantasy realm. That lack of trust in Cardan cost her and it only underlined what needed to change - to be able to rule together, Jude and Cardan need to lower their defences when it comes to one another. But more on that in the next point. III. the love thing Jude and Cardan's dynamic has been one of my very favourite things about this series from the start. I love them both as characters and I love them as a ship. I was happy to find out that what unravelled between them in this last installment was utterly (with some minor mishaps) satisfying. Their reunion, untangling the coiled web of mistrust and misunderstandings, learning to trust and be trusted...it was everything. I longed to see them as allies and a team, rather than enemies and reluctant/forced co-operators from the start (not that it wasn't fun to see them as enemies and reluctant allies, IT WAS SO MUCH FUN) and here I got what I wished for. Love scenes, their talk of lowering their shields, those that had been kept up for so so long, melted my heart. Cardan's love confession? Perfect! And so fitting for him in my opinion. Only he would say ILY in such an off-handed manner.

Basically:

"Hi you probably already know this because you're so smart (and I love you) but I've loved you for a long time, OK we got stuff to do BYE" Perfection 😍😂 Cardan was also, quite obviously, Jude's first stan, and I just live for relationships like that. And the longing between them was so palpable. Especially in Cardan's letters to Jude, I could feel how much he missed his Queen *ugly weeping* I'd say that Jude's confession could've been handled better, as in, there could've been even more build-up to it, considering how good she is at holding on to her walls and defences. Still, I loved it in its own way. IV. the character development thing I know there are some who were dissatisfied with the plot twist and the ending. Personally, I thought it was very fitting though. The decision that Jude faces? Between love and power, between her own humanity and the possibility of utter control over Cardan? That dilemma was the best way to capture the character development she had gone through throughout this series. Ever since the beginning, Jude had been wondering about one thing - where will she draw a line? Is there a line that she won't cross to get more power? She got her answer in this book. As Jude was making her choice between killing Cardan or killing her chances at ruling Elfhame, I was crying heavy tears of someone who had witnessed a painful yet utterly satisfying journey. Jude had always been scared. Jude had always resented being weak and human. Jude had always craved power and security for herself. Jude had always hated being vulnerable and relished in the control she gained over Cardan. And with her choice, she embraced so much of what she had once resented. She chose hardship and uncertain future and opened herself up to being hurt. She chose love. She chose being human and weak and what-the-hell-I'll-deal-with-it-because-I'm-not-weak-at-all. She chose Cardan. *this reviewer took a 5-minute break at this point to wipe off all the tears from her keyboard* The point is, I loved the character development this choice represented and yet, Jude also remained very much herself by doing this. V. the loose thread thing Not to be overly sweet on this book, there were also some loose ends, all right. For one, I wish the relationship between Cardan and his mother was explored more, same with more insight into Jude's biological parents, especially her mother. It seemed like it was teased a lot in two previous installments and yet, I didn't experience nearly as much delivery as I expected on those subjects. I just wish there was more on this. VI. other things

Cardan calling Jude his wife, THE FEELS ARE REAL

the not-so-subtle hinting at the possible Taryn-Ghost romance, I dig it

loved the conclusion to Jude and Madoc relationship, he got exactly what he deserved

onto punishment topic, I also loved that Cardan left that responsibility solely within Jude's power

underlining the fact that Cardan is very stable in his feelings, very un-faerie-like was very much appreciated, I love one (1) Faerie boy

Vivi and Heather getting their HEA as well, YESSSS

the symbolism of Cardan creating two thrones from one, my heart stopped

Cardan in the mortal world (P.S. I NEED MORE OF THIS, approximately 483949 pages more)

I could go on and on but there was just so much - and in such a (relatively) short book too. What I will say is this - The Folk of the Air had been shaping up to be one of my favourite fantasy series, and "The Queen of Nothing" made it into a fact. Which it could have very well failed to do, as it often happens with final books in a series. Because ever since I finished "The Wicked King", I've been holding my breath, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and for this final book not to live up to the very high expectations I've had for a conclusion not only to a great series, but also some of my very favourite characters and relationships. But after reading this, "I feel as though I can finally breathe again."

#the folk of the air #the queen of nothing #queen of nothing spoilers #book recs #jurdan #litedit #bookworm #bibliophile #book reviews #jude duarte #prince cardan #our reviews #by kate

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sailorshadzter · 5 years

Text

here’s me compiling all of my thoughts on episode 1 of season 8!! or at least the thoughts i deemed important enough lmao. big focus on jonsa, political jon, and the starks in general.

under the cut for SPOILERS + length.

shout out to all of the amazing content creators out there who have already gif’d this episode. ya’ll are amazing!

anyways, here we go! ps. things could be out of chronological order, sorry lol

lets jump right in with dany and jon arriving at winterfell. i really enjoyed the call back to season 1 bran scrambling up as high as he could to watch robert baratheon & company arrive.

we have them riding in among dany’s army, looking quite like the royal “couple” they want us to believe they are. dany doesnt look particularly interested to even be there and i think it’s because she’s upset at how everyone is looking at her. jon reminds her that the north isnt easy to impress, that they dont look kindly at foreigners. this isnt pleasing to her. dany has to be loved, by everyone. she cant stand thinking not everyone is on her side. in her mind they have to support her because she’s the queen.

but she’s not queen, not yet at least.

next comes the dragons.

the northerners run, some screaming in fear, others just stumbling in an attempt to find shelter from the dragons that fly overhead. and just look at dany’s face. look at her! what a smug little smile, i hope she enjoys it because she’s got a lot coming to her this season.

i hate this, i just want everyone to know. i still like dany but this arrogant, mocking girl is driving me insane and it’s only episode 1. what little bit of likeness i had for her will fade real fast at this rate. she’s glad the people fear her dragons and thus fear her. she knows the northerners probably will never come around to her and bend so she’s going to get them on her side the only way she knows how: her dragons.

lets be real- dany has nothing on her own. she’s nothing but a pretty face with a cold heart capable of dark, brutal things. but what if there werent any dragons? what would she be without them? who would fear her then? sure, she’s got a big ass army... but armies can be beaten. armies can be led astray by their own leaders doing. so yeah, she’s got an army but in the end, thats not foolproof. but dragons? those are pretty damn foolproof (unless you send your ~romantic interest~ off on a suicide mission that ends up costing you one of said dragons). she’s going to try and coerce everyone in the north through fear and it might work on the common folk, but wait til she meets the Starks.

yeah, do these girls look afraid?

not at all.

youre a man. almost.

i low key teared up at their reunion. it was sweet. plus it was nice to see bran in a more human moment. he’s always so robotic, i thought it was nice to hear him joke a little.

as jon is looking at bran, you can see the moment he realizes sansa is looking at him. he pulls back from bran and turns to her (wow she looks beautiful, i cant even get over that).

(gif by @stark)

sansa opens her arms to jon and i have to admit... the hug felt almost lackluster... at first. once i watched it a second and third time, i started seeing the things i didnt see the first time.

for one thing- it was so amazing in the trailer because we could see jon’s face. kit is so incredible at his facial expressions and you knew exactly what jon was feeling the moment he saw sansa. with sansa, she’s very subdued- but its definitely done on purpose. obviously, she’s happy to see jon but she’s angry with him too. and dozens of people are there watching them, including this queen he’s brought with him. she has to be careful.

(gif by @stark)

this instant, ever since i saw the trailer, ive thought jon whispered something to her. that’s why her eyes immediately flick up and pin their focus on dany who is standing just across the courtyard. we dont hear jon say anything but that doesnt mean he doesnt. what i find interesting about this is how in the episode, we’re shown sansa’s face and her emotional reactions to whats happening, but we dont see jon’s. in the trailer, it cuts to sansa’s eyes as soon as jon reaches her embrace, so we never see jon’s face in this scene. meaning, we dont see his lips ever move. i still want to believe he whispers something to her, but i almost feel like sansa would have referenced it later in the episode when they speak privately. but, you never know!

next we have jon introducing sansa to dany, which as we all suspected, did not go well.

as dany walks up, she’s smiling, her tone charming. her eyes are wide and she looks soft- she’s good at this. notice how no one in the courtyard moves, no one kneels or even bows in dany’s presence as they had once done for robert baratheon. this is not their queen.

i literally laughed as dany said this.

she’s trying desperately to come across as likable. she knows most of the north won’t bow to her without the backing of this girl and while she has her dragons to instill fear, she probably does want sansa to like her. she’s in love with her “brother” after all. they’d be sisters, so they should get along, right?

wrong.

sansa sees right through her. she’s good at finding a liar- she’s spent her whole life around them. learning from them, the best of them. you cant lie or manipulate sansa stark. not anymore.

(gif by @cptainsrogers)

whew boy, that’s the face of someone who’s pissed. how quickly she changes!! as soon as sansa speaks, she loses her smile and blinks and she breathes in. she’s trying to restrain herself and keep a calm, cool composure. but its written all over dany’s face here- she’s not happy.

again, im reminded that this is a woman who cant be told no and who doesnt like when someone isnt falling over themselves to please her. sansa is clearly not impressed with dany and she’s not afraid to let her know that. she’s calm, polite, but her tone & face says everything her words cant.

bran interrupting was great.

he sees what’s going on here and he’s right, now isnt the time for a little cat fight. he tells them that the night king has a dragon & dany’s reaction is clear she didn’t know that yet (right? i could be forgetting lol) & basically there’s like 100 other things they need to think about right then. which to be fair is totally true. but i had hoped to see a little more between sansa & dany. what i loved though was jon didn’t look at dany when bran mentioned the night king having her dragon, he looked at sansa.

now i wanna talk about arya and jon’s reunion because

well... i have feelings.

while the initial reunion was really sweet & had me crying, it ended real quick

this scene is where i really noticed jon was “off”

jon stoops down and puts a hand on her shoulder (which arya looks down at) as he talks to her. where were you before? i could have used your help with sansa. she doesnt like your queen, does she?

then we get this next line from jon.

first things first, it’s almost like jon doesnt realize she’s grown up. he’s got his hand on her shoulder, down at her level like you would with a kid. i mean, he probably cant help it, can he? she’s always going to be his kid sister, after all. thats how he knows her and remembers her. not to mention he’s been pretending to be someone else around dany for a long time now, he’s trying to shake himself back into the person his family knows him as

arya looks at his hand before she says she’s the smartest person i know. you’re defending her now? you?

like he cant really believe that these two sisters that only used to bicker and fight are getting along to the point that arya is defending her to him. this is where i get upset with jon because he’s been gone for how long now? has he even bothered to talk to sansa about all that happened at winterfell? has he even asked her anything about what’s been going on while he was gone? clearly not, or he would know how close arya and sansa have become in his absence. that they’d taken out littlefinger together, even!

i’m defending my family. so is she. i’m her family too.

that alone points me into the direction of political jon. he’s avoiding sansa because he’s less likely to control himself in front of her. he might spill the beans about what he’s up to and its not time yet. he cant let that happen, not until the right time. while we all know he’d be better off telling her and the other starklings, so they could fight as a united pack... jon hasn’t come to that conclusion yet. lets hope he gets there next episode, though.

he sounds so sad, so dejected when he delivers his line. like, sansa should be defending him, smiling, just in general happy to see him back. he’s brought a massive army and dragons! he did what he thought was best for the north and he cant quite grasp why sansa would be upset with him. one of jon’s weaknesses is sansa and how he thinks she feels about him. he craves her approval and he knows she’s angry with him at this point. and man does that bother him. he thinks she should have ultimate faith in him, even though he doesnt really deserve that, does he? anyways, thats a conversation for later in the post.

ps i love that he looks around before saying im her family too. almost as if he’s afraid of being overheard.

dont you ever forget that.

yeah i had to pause the show at this point just to compose myself. this second hug was just as sweet as the first and im glad it was there. it finished the scene out nicely.

i love how we got this moment of them being addressed at the same time, in frame like this. i live for moments like this, with them side by side.

we get a lot of talk back and forth about why jon bent the knee and of course we get lyanna mormont calling his dumb ass out.

i was waiting for this scene too & it didnt disappoint me.

also i find his choice of words interesting

sansa looks back at him and she’s literally the embodiment of the shrug emoji. like bitch i told u so. she has zero sympathy for him and the mess he’s in with the northern lords because she fucking told him it would happen.

tyrion gets up and tries to do some mega damage control because lets be real, this situation is getting nasty. he talks about dany’s amazing army and the dragons as if this will lighten the mood. he also mentions about the lannister army coming (lol) like this is what will get everyone on their side.

sansa interrupts and god do i love her more than i ever did

finally someone asking the REAL questions.

sansa has worried about feeding the entire north the whole time jon has been gone. she’s built up as much as she could to ensure her people didn’t starve to death come winter. now jon shows up with this queen and her massive army with not even a wagon load of grain. when it cuts to dany a moment later, you can see she’s visibly shaken by sansa’s comment. hmm, wonder why? it couldn’t be because she’d just burned TONS of food that could have been used to feed her army and the rest of the north out of spite, right? nah, couldn’t be.

sansa spits out these words and just look at her face- she’s doing her best to control herself here but her mouth is a snarl and her eyes are narrowed. she’s got every right to be angry over this- her people will probably starve because this so called queen hasn’t provided anything for her own army and now sansa will have to figure it out herself. if she’s this angry already, imagine how she’s going to feel when she learns dany burned all that food when she burned the lannister army.

what makes me angry here is dany’s response. whatever they want. she’s so fucking childish i cant stand it. like she’s so bent out of shape that sansa’s calling her out basically, she’s going to resort to these sort of comments. like, you keep calling yourself a queen, fucking act like it dany. not a jealous, spoiled little girl. id respect her a whole lot more if she’d stood up for herself and her dragons here but that was never going to happen. its out of her character, especially at this point in her story. her dragons really could never do any wrong, in her eyes. and at this point i wouldnt be surprised to hear her defend them burning houses, crops, or innocent people.

this episode is not making me like dany anymore. i cant stand characters like her, good or bad ones. and we all know dany is trending bad these days. but sansa doesnt even respond which is fantastic- instead of listening to her, everyone is focused on what dany had just said. we stan the real queen.

im pretty sure next we see the bit between tyrion and sansa.

i didnt dislike the scene, it was actually pretty good. i especially liked the last time we saw each other was at joffrey’s wedding. dismal affair. it had it’s moments.

we also got this

not only is this true, we also later hear dany threaten sansa.

interesting.

but other than that, i didnt take much away from it. sansa was cool to him, as i expected her to be to anyone on dany’s side. tyrion may have been kind to her once, but as far as she’s concerned... he’s basically her enemy now. plus the whole scene before couldn’t have helped.

somehwere in this we get all that junk with jon and dany.

i... hated it. all of it.

but after seeing it im 100% certain political jon is coming. his stiff demeanor with dany hasn’t changed, thats for sure. but what sold me was when dany threatened sansa.

i’m queen, she must respect me or...

we all know how jon “dont touch my sister or else” snow acts when someone mentions sansa around him in a way he doesnt like. the fact that jon barely even REACTS is clear in its message: he cant behave like he normally would. not with dany. he cant even go against her because he know how easy it is for her to become swayed. he cant lose control of the situation, not yet. i think he knows things are spiraling out of control more quickly than he anticipated.

political jon must be a thing because there’s no reason for him to then roam across the north on a fucking dragon. the whole jonerys scene was as lackluster as they all have been and the kiss with drogon watching was very... weird. it felt ominous almost. there was no romance behind it, even if dany wanted there to be.

but i think its very clear that dany feels threatened by sansa. she needs to be loved by everyone and sansa makes it clear she cares little if at all for her. queen or not, sansa doesnt respect her, nor like her, and she isnt afraid to make it known. i worry how dany is going to behave the deeper into this love triangle we get (because they sure arent being subtle about it).

also, something i find interesting is the fact that dany would allow jon to ride her dragons at all. now that he has rode rhaegal he’s created a bond with the dragon, essentially taking him from dany’s control. she’s more or less lost 2 dragons now. and if you dont think jon would use this dragon against her to protect his family... then we must be watching two different shows.

next comes jon’s scene with sansa (i think, at least its what im gonna talk about next lol). finally we get a glimpse of them alone! and god it doesnt disappoint me at all. i mean, id have loved to have more of it of course- yelling and even some tears, but we got something simple and hyper charged with both of their emotions. as always, the jonsa scenes get it done with as little as possible.

we get a lot of angry stares and heavy sighs. its the same damn energy as the tent scene before the battle of the bastards. i love it. i fucking live for it. there’s so many things left unsaid between them and it makes me want their next scene that much more. literally, this scene was less than 2min long and i got so much from it.

the scene opens and sansa is in her chamber, reading. the knock on the door sounds and she calls them in and she sighs when she sees it’s jon. the first thing i noticed was jon back in his old direwolf armor- he changed clothes before coming to her rooms- and then sansa paraphrases what the letter she’s holding says. jon parrots back lord glover’s words to them back when they met and thats when sansa gets up, very clearly angry, and says i will stand behind jon snow, the king in the north. she whips around to look at him and walks across the room like she wants to do something else entirely. i told you we needed allies. you didnt tell me you were going to abandon your crown.

this is where jon explodes, much how he explodes back in the tent scene with her. i never wanted a crown! i wanted to protect the north! he tells her, then goes on to say he brought with him an army and 2 dragons. this is where i wish we would have had more- sansa yelling at him about did he even think of how they would feed them all, specifically. but we get a lot of ~emotion~ and im living for every second.

(gifs by @desired-paradise)

as soon as jon finishes ranting, he heaves a huge sigh (first gif). then he closes his eyes, thinking for a moment, before breaking down an asking her if she has faith in him. look at her face- she’s so hurt. they’re both hurting, honestly. what i love about jonsa scenes is how soft and vulnerable they both are during them. they let down their walls and open their hearts to the other.

i think that’s why jon is so hurt by how sansa has been treating him since his return. he thinks he deserves her ultimate trust not realizing how he really doesnt deserve it. not,yet. you know i do. despite it all, she does have faith in him. but that doesnt mean she isnt angry or upset with him. and it doesnt change how she feels about dany. trust is not something that comes easy to sansa, not anymore. how can she be expected to trust a complete stranger when even those who were supposed to care about her turned on her? when for so long everyone around her was nothing beyond abusive and harmful. this girl trusts no one but her family and jon should get that better than anyone.

but he thinks because its him, he gets a pass from her. that because of all they’ve been through together sansa should automatically know where his heart is and the truth of him. but how can she? he’s been gone all this time, promising to find them allies, not a queen that they didn’t ask for or even want. he promised them allies that would help them, not doom them to starvation.

when sansa speaks, he takes a step forward, almost like he thought of reaching for her. but he thinks better of it and says something about how she’ll be a good queen, yada yada.

and then... sansa drops this bomb

we never get jon’s answer because thats it, the scene just fucking ends there. like alright guys, thats fine i didnt want the answer anyways. i know jonerys fans are insisting he doesn’t answer because we already know the answer to that. but its not that easy.

the set up between jon and sansa can’t be for nothing. the back story from season 6 cant just be a random addition. so many lines that will come back this season (ill protect you, i promise. you are to me. ect) and i cant wait for that.

next i want to talk about when dany and jorah meet with sam.

first off, i have to say its weird that jorah has never told dany his name? is that just me? anyways. the scene opens and it reminds me a lot of the feel from her first meeting with sansa. dany is smiling, jovial. this is the man that saved jorah from death and she wants to thank him personally. their conversation goes well- in fact, its kind of sweet how sam behaves. he’s honored to be standing before her, being addressed by her, because he doesnt know who daenerys targaryen is yet. but he’s about to find out.

similarly to how dany reacted when sansa didn’t return her compliment, she goes from soft and smiling to hard and somewhat aggressive.

we go from this:

to this:

(image from @snowsjohn)

in record time. as soon as sam mentions his name, it registers with dany and she asks him if he meant randyll tarly. that’s when she immediately, without sympathy, tells him she executed his father. you can see sam get visibly upset but he’s doing his best to keep it together, saying at least i can go home now, which by the way... is fucking heartbreaking. now that his brother is in charge he could go back home and be with his family when this whole thing was over. oh nope, dany tells him she executed his brother too.

how anyone can stand behind this queen, ill never understand. this scene was so sad for sam & so unfeeling for dany. she doesnt even have the sense to pretend to be remorseful for what she’s done to this man’s family. and when sam does leave, she looks upset- but not because of what she’d done to his family. because now she’s in trouble and she knows it. again, they’re making it incredibly easy to dislike dany and they’re doing it for a reason.

dark dany is coming for us. it’s going to all be revealed in the next two episodes, without a doubt.

last but not least, i want to talk about sam telling jon the truth of who his parents were.

(gifs by @kitsn0w)

i loved this whole scene.

while i was really surprised they told jon so early (and that it was sam alone) i enjoyed the shock. i didn’t honestly anticipate the reveal until at least episode 2, if not the third at the latest. but, it added something to the first episode- a similar shock value the first episode of the first season left us with.

what i take from this scene is a few things, mostly how upset jon seems just to realize that this means ned lied to him his whole life. who gives a fuck about the truth, why didn’t ned just tell him all along? but when sam says the line about robert killing him, he seems to calm down a little.

what else is interesting is jon’s lack of defending dany here. if he loved her as we’re supposed to believe, wouldnt he have said something beyond this is treason. id expect a “what will i say to her?” or “i cant take this from her, its all shes ever wanted’ or even “its hers, not mine.” anything else! but we got nothing in terms of jon defending dany’s right to the crown.

and when sam asks him if dany would give up her crown for his people as jon had done, we don’t get jon’s answer. similarly to his scene being cut off with sansa, its done here as well, and we’re only left wondering what he would say. why wouldn’t they let him say? if he loves dany so much, wouldn’t he jump at this chance to defend her? especially to sam, who’s going to have a hell of time going forward now that he learned what dany did to his family. more so, it’s not yet been revealed that she burned them alive. what will they say then? when they realize that?

i guess we’ll find out next episode, especially now that jaime is in winterfell. im really excited to see what episode 2 brings & im hoping for more dark dany & more private moments among the starks.

overall, i really did enjoy the episode. i think there were things that could have been done better or differently, but i think the episode set us up for a lot of good things to come!

in conclusion:

- jonsa is endgame & jonerys is doomed. sorry guys.

- political jon theory is confirmed (in my mind at least)

- sansa is still the queen of sass.

- arya & gendry flirting is adorable (im sorry i know i didnt talk about them)

- WHERE. IS. GHOST?

thanks for reading!

#jonsa #game of thrones #got s8 e1 #text post #jon snow #sansa stark #daenerys targaryen

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ilovemygaydad · 5 years

Text

Friends in Dark Places [ch 4]

pairing: eventual moxiety, eventual logince, background eventual remile, background eventual remy/emile/deceit

WARNINGS: food mentions, swearing, mentions of injury, anxiety, roman’s kind of a dick but he feels bad, a single flirtation, possibly something else

tag list: @hufflepuffgirl01 @cocobearthe4th @cas-is-a-hunter@band-be-boss-blog @theunoriginaldaisy

a/n: so i have to repost all of these in a different format! yay fucking me!!!! please consider reblogging these if you’re a fan of this series because it’s all fucked up now

first - previous - next - companions

consider buying me a coffee (please)

Roman didn’t know what he’d expected to see when he walked into Virgil’s hospital room, but it certainly wasn’t that. Patton was sitting in the bed with the pretty much stranger, eyes closed, arms wrapped around him, and chin resting on his head. Virgil was asleep, which, after the day’s events, wasn’t very surprising. He could hear Patton softly humming a son that he couldn’t exactly place.

“Hey, Pat! We brought you some spaghetti from the cafeteria and a gift for Virgil.” Roman made sure to keep his voice quiet, not wanting to disturb the sleeping teen just feet away. Patton opened his eyes and smiled an incredibly bright smile. He motioned towards the over-the-bed table tray thing (Roman couldn’t think of a single word to describe the atrocity on wheels). Roman gave Pat his dinner while Logan set to organizing the luggage they’d brought with them.

“Did we have any Comm Arts homework tonight?” Patton quietly asked between bites of pasta.

“No,” Logan told him. “But we do have to do a page in the Physics packet. It’s only five problems, but they’re pretty long, and that’s coming from me.”

Patton groaned in response.

Roman added, “I also talked to your Child Guidance teacher, and she told me that your class was having a test tomorrow on Chapter Six. You should probably email her and ask if you’d be able to take it at home since I don’t assume you’ll be leaving Virgil alone.” He shot a knowing look to Pat as he said this. It wasn’t news that Patton was basically the dad friend; he was always caring about everyone else’s well being and stayed committed to them when they need support, even if that person was someone he’d just met. Especially if that person was someone he’d just met.

“Neither of us had time to ask your Psychology teacher about homework, but I’d just send him an email that explains your situation, and I’m sure he’ll give you a break. We know how worried you get, and we don’t want any excessive stress about school on top of that,” Logan added with a small smile.

“Thanks, guys! You’re the best friends I could ask for.” Patton had somehow finished his entire plate of food in the less than two minute conversation and had opened up his phone to email his teachers.

The instant the phone had been turned off, Logan spoke up once more. “Patton, I know you want to look after Virgil, but have you gotten any sleep in the past twenty four hours? You look like a figurative zombie.” Roman couldn’t help but agree. Intense bags had formed under his friend’s eyes, and he looked as if he would fall asleep at any moment.

“I’m okay, guys. I promi--” Patton’s words got cut off by an intense yawn.

“Point proven. We’ll look after him while you rest, okay? Roman, get out the blanket that we packed.” Logan’s words, although could be taken as harsh, were very gentle and kind. Patton wiggled out from under Virgil, being careful not to wake him up. Roman handed over the blanket and guided him to the padded bench in the corner of the room. Almost as soon as Patton had set his head on the blanket, he was out. The two remaining teens smiled at their loving friend.

“Who the fuck are you two?!” Virgil screeched. Upon waking up, he had found himself in his hospital room with Patton asleep in the corner and two random guys playing what looked like chess three feet away.

“Welcome back to the living, Creeping Beauty,” muttered the smaller guy in the red short sleeved button up with little white hearts, not looking up from the game.

“My name is Logan Christiansen, and this is my friend Roman Patrick. We’re friends with Patton, and we have been tasked with watching over you while he gets a little sleep.” The guy in the tie, Logan, adjusted his glasses and made a move on the board in front of him. “Check mate, Roman.”

Virgil sighed and looked around the room for something to do while Logan and Roman were playing chess. He spotted his suitcase and instantly got a little happier.

“Did you guys happen to bring my phone and headphones?” Honestly, he didn’t care if he sounded like a little kid in a candy store. He’d been craving the ability to listen to something loud so that he could wash out all of the bad thoughts in his mind.

“Yeah,” Roman answered. “It’s in your backpack. Give me a second to find it.” He got up and rummaged through the black backpack a few feet away until he found what he was looking for. He dropped it on the lap of Virgil and went right back to playing his game.

Navigating a phone with barely any of his fingers unbandaged was a task, to say the least, but Virgil eventually got open the music app and put it on shuffle. The first song to come up was “Novocaine” by Fall Out Boy. A smile spread on his face. He closed his eyes and let the music soothe him until he fell back to sleep.

Roman glanced at where Logan had fallen asleep in the middle of a physics problem and sighed. He’d accidentally left his phone in the car and was hopelessly bored. The teen dramatically propped his feet up onto the hospital bed and threw his head back.

“Hey, Drama Queen. Is there any way you could get me some food?” Roman’s head snapped to look at Virgil, who was looking at him with disinterest.

“First of all,” Roman started. “I am not a ‘Drama Queen.’ Second, I think that the cafeteria closed at eight, and it’s well past ten right now.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Awesome. Truly, how could this day get any better? An astounding ending,” the boy muttered as he ran a bandaged hand through his hair. Admittedly, Roman felt bad for the kid. He’d had a really rough day, and not being able to eat was probably weighing on him. With a sudden change of heart, Roman stood up and grabbed his wallet.

“Would you rather stay here, or do you want me to grab you a wheelchair so I can push you around on a quest for food?” For a second, Roman almost swore that he had seen a hint of a smile flash across Virgil’s face.

“Wheelchair.” Virgil swung his legs until they hung off the side of his mattress and slowly sat up, taking hold of his IV stand in the process.

It only took Roman a minute to find a wheelchair that he could use. Virgil hopped off the bed, almost eating shit in the process, and plunked himself into the wheelchair. Their quest for some sustenance started with very few setbacks until they reached the elevators.

“Oh, shit! I forgot that I’d have to take the elevator. Fuck.” It took all of Roman’s self control not to laugh at that comment.

“Afraid of elevators, Dr. Disasterology?” Roman teased.

“Shut up, asshole.” Virgil sneered. “Look, there’s a lot that could go wrong in an elevator, not to mention that it’s fucking tiny.”

“Well, it’s too late to turn back now.” Roman pushed the wheelchair into the elevator and hit the button for the third floor. All color had drained out of Virgil’s face as soon as the elevator had started to move. It only took a second for Roman to realize that his actions had been a dick move.

“Virgil, are you going to be okay? We can abort the mission and just go back if you nee--”

“No. We’re going,” Virgil said through clenched teeth. The elevator dinged, announcing they’d reached the correct floor, and Roman pushed them out as soon as the doors were wide enough to allow for them to pass. He could visibly see Virgil calm down, which was both relieving and mildly terrifying at the same time.

“Let’s see if any of the vending machines are on. I think there are a few near the cafeteria, and they looked like they had some okay choices.” Roman murmured as he tried to gather his thoughts while they wandered around the hospital.

Virgil pointed to his left. “That looks kinda promising.” There was a lone vending machine tucked away in a corner. Its lights were on, but it didn’t look like it’d been touched in ages. Roman dramatically made racecar noises as he turned the wheelchair and pushed them towards the machine. He didn’t even need to be looking to know that Virgil had rolled his eyes.

Virgil scanned the contents of the machine once they’d arrived. It was full of options, and it looked like nothing had been bought.

“Alright, Prince Charming, can you buy me some of those veggie straw things and a cinnamon bun?”

Roman obliged, especially since he only had to spend a total of two dollars on the meal.

“Thanks, dude,” Virgil said as he tore open the bag of veggie straws.

“No problem. At least you’re not a food vacuum like Patton. He ate his entire plate of pasta in less than two minutes.” Virgil couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Is that a challenge? Because I will totally fight him on that title of ‘food vacuum.’” He shoved a giant handful of chips into his mouth, immediately reaching for another. Roman had to pause navigating their way to the elevators to physically stop Virgil from stuffing his mouth.

There were exactly three other incidents were Virgil tried to shove copious amounts of food into his mouth, and the third happened to be at the same moment that they were arriving at the room. Roman opened the door to be greeted by a worried Patton, who was staring straight at Virgil as he ate a full handful of the chips.

Patton’s face instantly grew cheery as he saw the pair. “I was so worried about you two! I’m glad you’re okay; although, Roman, it was irresponsible to not leave a note explaining where you went. I almost woke up Logan and made him come with me to search for you!” Patton’s words were flying out of his mouth at a speed that was barely comprehensible.

“Sorry, Pat. I should’ve left a note. Virgil was really hungry, so we went to get him some--VIRGIL I SWEAR TO GOD DO NOT SHOVE THAT WHOLE CINNAMON BUN INTO YOUR MOUTH--food. Glad to see you got some sleep, though.” Roman gave Patton a quick hug before helping Virgil back into the bed.

“You and Logan should probably head out. I don’t want you two to be tired for school tomorrow.” Pat once again took a seat at Virgil’s side. Roman nodded and began to lightly shake Logan’s shoulder.

“Hey, sleepyhead. It’s time to get up so you can drive us home.”

“...What?” Logan asked, voice laced with tiredness.

“It’s around ten thirty, Lo. We need to get home and sleep in an actual bed, not on a chair. C’mon, dear heart,” Roman coaxed. It took Logan all of thirty seconds to actually process the information, and in that time Roman decided he’d be driving them to Logan’s house and staying there for the night.

After the duo packed up their things and said goodbye, Virgil and Patton were left alone in the dreary hospital room, where the only sounds were Virgil softly chewing on his cinnamon roll and the EKG machine.

“Did you have a good nap?” Virgil asked after a few minutes.

��Yeah, I did. How was your food adventure with Roman?” Patton was really curious. Out of Logan and Roman, he’d expected Virgil to dislike Roman’s dramatic nature far more than Logan’s intense intelligence.

“It was… interesting. Roman is totally dramatic, so it was way funnier to mess around with him and see his reactions.” Virgil thought back to the numerous times he’d messed around just to fuck with Roman and laughed. Seriously, Virgil, he’d scolded. I don’t want you choking on food on our way back up. Patton would literally kill me.

“Well that’s good, kiddo! And how are you feeling? Do you need me to get you anything?”

“I’m good, Patton. Really. I feel better than I have in a while, to be honest.” There was no lie in what Virgil said. He really did feel better than he had in a long time. All of the things that the trio of friends were doing for him made him feel really happy. Like, maybe he did actually matter.

“That’s wonderful!” The two sat in silence for a while before Virgil spoke up again.

“Thanks for everything you’re doing, Patton. I’ve been kind of an ass to you today.” Virgil focused on his hands. He was really embarrassed that he’d ended up in the hospital when everything could’ve been avoided if he’d just shut his fucking mouth and listened to Patton.

“Don’t worry about it. I told you earlier today that I’ve been in some rough times as well. It’s really, really hard on a person, and sometimes they do things they don’t really mean.” Patton reached up and ruffled Virgil’s hair, to which he protested. The duo broke out in laughter. Virgil really could get used to this whole having-friends thing.

“Do you want to listen to some music? I have some not-super-punk songs if you’d rather listen to something lighter.” Admittedly, “some not-super-punk songs” meant things like “20 Dollar Nosebleed” and “This is Gospel,” but technically they weren’t as punk rock the rest of his collection.

“We can listen to whatever you want, Virge. Don’t let me stop you from listening to the music you enjoy.”

Virgil shrugged and unplugged his headphones, turning up the volume at the same time. He hit shuffle on his playlist and let the sounds of “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” fill the room.

The two teenagers sat there for a long while before both of them eventually fell asleep.

#sanders sides fic #m writes things #logince #moxiety #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders

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madaraism · 6 years

Text

Apate - Part IV of Himeros

Απάτη ; Of betrayal and deceit.

A/N: Thank you so much for the growing and continual support and love for this series. I hope I’m doing a decent job for all of you. Please read the previous parts here:

Part I – Himeros // Part II – Algea // Part III – Aletheia // Part V - Hestia // Part VI - Achlys

Summary: Four years apart can really change a person.

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Rating: Mature (language)

Words: 5050

Inspirations for this chapter – Consequences by Camila Cabello

Tag List: @hhiggs @theroyalweisme @itzmequeenb @alicars @cocomaxley @blackcatkita @trianiasti @viktoriapetit @umccall71 @topsyturvy-dream @kawairinrin @jayjay879 @bobasheebaby @choiceswreckedme @queencatherynerhys @laniquelove @philiasperanza @hopefulmoonproject @mfackenthal @hellospunkiebrewster @boneandfur @gracepedia @jared2612 @jamielea81 @ashtonmore @alwaysmychoices

He remembers the look on Regina’s face very clearly from two years ago.

She sat there, almost uncaring, sipping tea from her fine bone china Wedgwood cup and saucer.

He remembers swallowing his anger, his hurt, the bile in his throat, the silent tears that stung painfully at his eyes when he refused to blink.

He remembers how ecstatic he felt when Bastien handed over a folded sheet that contained Riley’s address earlier that day.

For the first time in forever, he could feel the warmth from the sun on his back. His day to day life finally meant so much more than endless work, endless meetings with different nobles, with different business men, politicians from surrounding countries.

When he received the note from Bastien, he felt hope.

Hope to see Riley again.

Hope to change whatever that made her leave Cordonia in the first place.

Hope to bring her home.

But hope can be fleeting.

They say hope is like a flame that lights the way in the dark, but they always forget to mention the part where the night is cold. The part where the night is eerily silent except for the sound of wind howling. The part where the night is filled with shadows that lurk in the dark, snatching and clawing.

When he received the address, he had immediately arranged everything with Bastien; scheduled his private jet, his transportation and accommodation with the Cordonian Embassy in America – everything.

He was so ready to leave.

He was so ready to see her again, to see the light in her eyes, the way she would sigh contently in his arms when he hugged her, the way she breathed him in as if he was air itself, and him, her.

He was ready to pick up the pieces from where they left off and to give her the whole world again.

But if anyone held a torch for Cordonia that was brighter than Liam and Madeleine combined, it would be the Queen Mother.

When he sees his step-mother sitting there with Madeleine by her side, he feels his steps falter, his legs that walked with such pride in his stride just a few seconds ago, now heavy, refusing him the freedom to move.

He is honest when the Queen Mother asks where he is planning to go.

Her retort is calm and predictable.

His wife sips her tea, eyes all-knowing, eyebrows raised as if to say ‘I told you so’.

And he feels his heart falter, air knocked out of his lungs, his battle with his own tears lost as one escapes and slides down his face.

Their very presence and their cruel words reminded him again of his duty to Cordonia that day.

The bitter words that Madeleine had uttered to him when Riley had left – that his heart, his soul and presence ultimately belonged to Cordonia.

That the monarchy would falter if he flew to New York alone and came back with his mistress when he already had a Queen.

That no matter how much he wanted to go after her, to bring her home, he couldn’t.

He mustn’t.

He can’t.

Fate had been cruel to them, but fate can also be kind.

Their words wash over each other like waves, emotions overflowing through the form of their tears, their kisses and their embraces in the middle of the street.

“I missed you…”

“I can’t believe you’re here Liam…”

“Why did you leave, my love, why…”

“I’m so sorry Liam, I missed you too…”

“Fuck, I love you Riley. So much.”

And they find themselves after the longest time walking around New York City hand in hand, their steps in sync with each other, bodies lightly swaying as if they had never spent a single day apart.

He can’t keep the smile off his face – a bright grin forever on his lips. He feels reenergized – the exhaustion and loneliness for the past four years lifted off his shoulders as if deadweight had just been dropped.

When he sees her still wearing the ring he gave her, he is positively over the moon with joy. She had kept him close for the past four years, even if it was in the form of his mother’s ring.

He can’t stop kissing her hand.

He can’t stop leaning into her and pressing kisses to her forehead.

And they find themselves gravitating towards the famous Central Park.

They talk about Constantine’s passing and Riley can see the sadness in his features, but the determination in his eyes.

They talk about the wellbeing of the country that he rules, and she is glad that it has been overall stable despite the few attacks from nearby rebellion groups and the usual pointless, trivial gossip that rolls around every few weeks.

After four years of being apart, she sees the change and obvious growth in him.

The maturity and the depth of his wisdom. The unwavering loyalty to his country and his confidence as King. How wise he looks.

She can see the countless battle-like negotiations, complicated courtly politics that he has had to endure and has overcome. She sees the light indentation of the worry lines as a form of battle scars from the trials he faced. Yet when she meets his gaze and his beautiful smile, his youth is still so very evident.

After four years of being apart, Liam still sees the confident, strong and determined woman that he knew and loved. He easily guesses that she has gotten thinner from the way her clothes hang on her frame and was evidently more stressed and exhausted from the constant furrow in her brows. Their first embrace only confirmed his observations and he feels a small tug in his heart as he imagines the vast possibilities of what she must’ve endured by herself the past few years.

Liam looks into her eyes with the most amount of love he can muster as he observes her before him. They too, appeared more mature. The way she looks at him is still unchanged and he feels relief filling his body when he sees her love for him reflected in them.

He swears he sees underlying guilt and regret in her features, but she masks it well with sheer determination.

When he asks her why she had left, her answers are always deferring, guiding away from the truth.

She speaks of heartache and plain reluctance of being around a life that Riley wanted but could not have – one that he was supposed to share with Madeleine.

Liam is hesitant in his response as he squeezes her hand, deciding to drop the topic for the time being whilst they rekindled a passionate love that had been forced to pause for the world around them.

They seem oblivious to the hustle and bustle of the world around them as they settle down onto a wooden bench; the noises of laughing children and concerned parents, the busy chatter of various businessmen and the forever present group of gossiping office ladies never seemed to leave their surroundings. Yet in the face of each other, the chatter around them seemed to fade.

To him, it didn’t feel like their love for each other had faltered. He can still see the comfort that he brings to her poise.

Nevertheless, the hint of guilt that lingered on her face made him somewhat uneasy.

Liam could tell that she was hiding something, but he wasn’t entirely sure what it possibly could be.

When he decides to address the matter of her departure that hangs heavily over their heads, she speaks.

“So… Madeleine.” Her voice is almost silent. The meaning behind Madeleine’s name was simple.

Riley couldn’t help herself but to be curious. She knew and was prepared for the pain that was to be expected from his words. She keeps her gaze away from him, her hands holding her onto the bench beneath her as if she would fall into oblivion when he speaks.

He looks at her, eyes full of sorrow. Liam knew he had to be truthful. All he hoped was that Riley would understand.

She can feel her body quivering in anxious anticipation as she tries to remain a façade of calmness.

They both know it is a sensitive topic. If anything, Liam knows that this was the very reason that caused her to leave.

And what if she was to leave again?

Liam wouldn’t be able to take it. Not after he had been missing, craving and hoping for her to be by his side again for so long.

His words are brisk and cautious – carefully selected.

“…We… We tried. Not often, but… we tried.” His brows are furrowed as he tries to gauge her response from her side profile.

Neutral.

Blank.

But he can see her shivering, knuckles white against the dark wood of the bench.

“…Riley…” He starts, voice full of concern as he reaches out to push the hair away from her face.

And he uncovers silent, steadfast streams of tears that overflowed from her unblinking eyes.

And he can see how hard she is biting down on her bottom lip as it was in a shocking shade of red.

His heart breaks.

Such tremendous, overwhelming waves of guilt shakes him and he tries to hug her rigid form as his own tears threatened to spill. He rests his heavy head on her shoulder with his arms draping uselessly around her unmoving frame.

“Riley, I’m so sorry…” His croak was almost unrecognisable. He lets his tears fall.

His words repeat themselves over and over, barely audible.

When Liam dares to look at Riley’s face again, he sees the most painful frown on her face; her lips upturned, eyes squeezed shut, her brows furrowed in agony.

She fights an ongoing battle of clashing emotions. The storms of anger and betrayal screaming from her tightened stomach, the pain and remorse of recalling just how much she had to endure over the past four years and her brain, trying to be the voice of reason as she tries her very best – despite close to failing, to reason with herself that it was his duty, that it was what he needed to do to serve Cordonia.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t warn her.

But that isn’t the point, is it?

She feels the tears that she thought had stopped reappear, pushing their way through her clenched eyes.

It didn’t matter in the end.

He didn’t need to sleep with Madeleine after all.

Levi was the crown prince despite everything that they had to endure.

Pointless.

Futile.

Wasted years.

Wasted tears.

His voice brings her back from her own personal hell.

“…Riley… My love… Is this why you left?” Liam feels almost stupid for asking. But with Madeleine now officially out of the picture, he wanted to double, triple check.

His face mirrors her own; lashes wet from tears, eyes bloodshot, his nose tinged pink from all the crying.

She stares at him for the longest time. Disbelief, ridiculing, questioning… hurt.

She wants to scream out of frustration and she wants to yell.

She wants to curse at him for being so loyal to his damn country and duty.

She wants him to go through everything that she had to go through.

The pain of childbirth, the terrifying moments as a first-time mother, the fear that she had when Levi had a high fever for days on end and she had to spend almost every penny and every second of her time to make sure he got adequate care and love.

The exhaustion of working multiple jobs to provide shelter for herself and Levi, to provide food for the table for his damn son, to give him the time and opportunity to go to a good day care and to give him the best possible start to life with countless toys, clothes and the children’s books that he loved so, so much.

The constant terror and dread of living each day since she got back to New York that Madeleine and Regina’s men would come bursting through her door, taking the poor, illegitimate child of hers away.

She wants him to endure every ounce of pain, every ounce of loneliness and suffering that she had to endure by herself for the past four years.

Four, wasted years.

And Riley is so, so frustrated.

With every right.

She battles with her anger, her inner turmoil, her sadness and her frustration.

Liam wasn’t the one to blame while Regina and Constantine edged him on to perform his duties.

She can’t help herself but feel almost disgusted with the fact that he actually went through with it.

She can’t help herself but feel angry at him for not having a better say in the situation as King.

She wanted to continue keeping Levi as her secret, even for just a few more years until he was older – to be away from courtly gossip and rumours, to be away from the terrors of court politics, the weight and the responsibilities as crown prince.

To be away from the judgemental stares and ridicule from his own grandmother, the Queen Mother, for being a disagreeable child born out of wedlock.

An illegitimate bastard.

But her emotions get the better of her.

“No.” Her reply was sharp, poisoned with anger. “No. That isn’t why I left.”

She stands up hastily, ready to strike with hurtful words. He follows suit, confused and worried.

Riley opens her mouth to continue, but she finds herself on pause when her eyes trail over to a family of three; a young boy perched on his father’s shoulders whilst his mother has a hand hooked onto her husband’s arm.

Her voice falters as her brain pressures her into imagining Liam, Levi and herself in such a hopeful situation.

She feels the same guilt that she felt since Liam had run towards her to collide in a hug, limo door still wide open.

The guilt of keeping Liam in the dark about Levi.

The guilt of depriving Liam and Levi their time to bond as father and son.

But she knows that what she did was right, simply for the safety of their son and a simple wish as a mother, for him to grow up healthy and happy.

But she knows deep down, she wishes for nothing more than for the three of them to be an ordinary, happy and loving family.

“No? Riley… Then why did you-”

“…I was pregnant when I left, Liam.”

He blinks.

“…What?”

Time seemed to stop around them as Riley repeated herself.

“…We have a son, Liam… His name is Levi…” The previous heated emotions in her voice was completely extinguished.

Her voice was no longer music in his ears, but simply bland and bare, an echo that was accompanied by static.

Liam feels his mind slip, his body numb.

His back is straight, shoulders squared as he closes his parted mouth. He realises when he speaks, that he has slipped into the mode of a strategical King.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Riley?” His voice is calm, cold almost.

But she sees right through him and her anger appears again in the form of a wagging finger in front of him.

“No. No, Liam. I am not some court subject that you can talk down to.”

And she sees the momentary shock that flashes across his eyes as his composure crumbles, his features now showing the fury and hurt that imitated her own.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Fuck… Riley, I had every right to know.” He was angry and irritated at the situation that Riley had put him in since he had left.

Did she not trust him?

“I couldn’t tell you.” She begins, unable to contain herself and she spills, “How could I tell you when you had just told me Regina and Constantine wanted a child? And not one with me either!”

Liam stares at her almost dumbfounded with his lips parted in disbelief.

“It shouldn’t have mattered, Riley. You know that I want to start a family with you regardless. I could’ve helped you raise the child. I want to be a father for him, for him to be brought up by us.”

“And what? Raise a bastard in the shadows? Allow Regina to continue ridiculing me for my choices?”

Her words are like a knife to his heart.

“No, but-”

“There are no buts, Liam, what if Regina and Madeleine told me to get rid of the baby? Leaving you and Cordonia was the only move that I could think of that made sense, the only move that was safe for Levi.”

Did she honestly not trust him?

Liam grabs her by the arms, the anger and hurt very much evident in his eyes. His fingers almost dig into her skin.

“Riley, I am the King of Cordonia. You should’ve trusted me more-”

“You being King didn’t stop Tariq from running away, Liam.”

The pained look in her eyes never faltered, never left his own.

His grasp on her arms loosens as he stands up straight again.

He can’t bear to look at her, feeling almost undeserving.

Her words echo in his ear and he is lost and cold. The turmoil within him growing; anger, guilt, hurt and frustration adding into the churning mix of a mess in his gut.

What use is being a King when he can’t give the whole world to her?

Liam finds himself back on the bench, a hand on each thigh as he gazes at the world before him, dazed as so many different thoughts run through his mind.

Riley swallows almost guiltily, her own words stung even herself. She didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh and cold, but it was the truth.

Liam being King didn’t stop Tariq from running away – if anything, it pushed him away from court life and press even more.

Him being King didn’t prevent himself from marrying someone that he didn’t want to.

And him being King didn’t prevent him from sneaking away from events or staying out at night just to meet her in secret to share stolen moments.

She runs a hand through her hair frustratedly. This isn’t how she had thought their first meeting in four years to be like.

When Riley brings a hand out to touch him, he is unresponsive and cold. She almost winces at his defensive actions.

When she decides to speak, she is hesitant.

“Liam… I…”

There was so much that she wanted to say, but she didn’t know where to begin. She wants to apologise for her words, but at the same time, she knows what she said was the truth.

The alarm on her phone rings and she curses at the time.

She is timid when she tries to place her hand on his; he was so frozen and still so unresponsive to her presence, her actions and her words. She was at a loss of what she should do.

“I… I need to go, Liam.” Her voice is nothing more than a gentle mumble, “I need to get to my shift and run some errands… I… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier about Levi, but please try to understand where I’m coming from.”

Riley pauses, hoping for some form of response from him.

Nothing.

She bites her lip out of nervousness and tries to caress his hand. “…If you want to meet him, Liam… Come over later.”

Riley wants to so desperately press her lips to his cheek or for him to show some form of affection, but it seems like he had built a shield around himself, blocking out her words.

As she stands getting ready to take her leave, she finds herself worrying if this would be the last time that they would see each other.

She knows that the news about Levi is a big blow on him and isn’t surprised at all that he would need some time to process the information.

But she doesn’t dare ponder on the thought for too long that this might be the end of the chapter of their lives. She doesn’t dare to think what this could change in their relationship.

The past four years had been hard, yes, but she had never once stopped loving him.

But if this is goodbye…

She bites back tears as she places a timid kiss on his cheek before leaving.

“I love you, Liam… I meant what I said back then and I mean it even now. I love you, my King.”

When she leaves, Liam finds himself bent forward, his face in his hands as he takes deep, calming breaths.

He found it impossible to pinpoint exactly what he was feeling. When he came to New York, some part of him had naïvely thought they would pick up the broken pieces and fit them back together again like a puzzle.

He had thought that Madeleine was the only reason that pushed Riley away and that all he had to do was reassure her that she is now gone.

He felt so hopeful, so full of smiles and love for Riley. So happy and ecstatic of what the future would now hold for them.

She could be the Queen that Cordonia deserved; full of endearment, full of aspirations and optimism, full of strength and courage to bring positive change to Cordonia, to shape the old-school traditions into a more modern one.

He hadn’t predicted a child.

He hadn’t expected a child.

He hadn’t expected her to be filled with such distrust in him as her partner, as their son’s father and as Cordonia’s King.

He is filled with resentment that Riley had kept her pregnancy from him.

He had imagined and wanted her first pregnancy with him to be a magical time; a time where he could spoil her with backrubs and foot massages, a time where he could accompany her to every single appointment, to hold her hair back when she suffers through morning sickness, to experience their child’s first kicks in her stomach, for him to spend time with his head on her swollen belly, telling stories and various tales to their unborn child, to be there for her whole heartedly and experience the joys and adrenalin of being by her side, holding her hand and wiping away her sweat as he fills her with encouragement when she is in labour.

He is frustrated to no end that he missed out on Levi’s first four years of his life. Liam can’t even begin to imagine how it must have felt to be there by Riley’s side, experiencing Levi’s first words, first crawls and first steps… All the in-between moments that he wanted to be able to recall when he was older, to be able to look back with such fondness and to share with Levi when he grew up…

He knows how crucial it is to spend time with children when they are young; after all, the time that he spent with his own mother was not long, but it was engrained in his memory so deeply that he still remembers her each passing day.

He is so angry with her words and at her distrust.

He is so disappointed and distraught at how powerless he is despite being the King. He hates the truth in her words; the actuality and the fact of how his Kingship had no effect whatsoever on Riley’s situation with Tariq.

Helpless.

Perhaps even useless.

Liam had nothing but bitter resentment towards himself.

But amidst the gloominess of the situation before him, he was able to find himself a reason to smile.

He has heard of so many stories of the joy of people watching in bustling places, and Central Park was definitely one of them.

It is then that Liam truly realises he is in America again. He observes the countless families, business people and tourists alike, enjoying the cloudless, sunny day in Manhattan. Some were more in a hurry, talking busily on their phones and some where more relaxed, taking in the sunshine and the peacefulness of the nature surrounding them that only Central Park can bring.

He was filled with sadness and resentment, but he finds himself to be also filled with happiness.

It is a strange feeling, he decides as his eyes finds themselves on a happy family of five. A loving couple accompanied by the eldest son who looked no older than eight years of age, studiously reading, a younger girl, who was intent on braiding her mother’s hair and a baby boy waving a few blades of grass in his hands animatedly.

The smile that graces Liam’s lips as he observes the scene in front of him is of a weird mixture.

Happy but sad, wanting and longing.

Liam knows he can’t do anything about the years that he has missed, but he swears to the deities that he would never miss out on another moment in Riley’s life.

He has a son, and Cordonia has a crown prince.

The tears that begins to prickle at his eyes are a mixture of happiness, pride and of the responsibility he now has as a father.

“…If you want to meet him…”

Of course he wanted to meet him.

Liam stands up to dust the imaginary dirt off his pants.

He has a lot to do to make up for lost time and broken promises.

He loses his sense of time as he gets lost in various shops, browsing for unique trinkets and gifts that the city can offer.

When Liam makes his way back over to Riley’s apartment with Bastien trailing behind, the butterflies in his stomach reappears.

He is excited and nervous, almost shy but very eager.

Liam wonders what Levi looks like, and he wishes that he has inherited Riley’s beauty and grace.

He wonders what Levi’s personality is like, and he wishes his son has inherited Riley’s determination and passion.

He wonders what interests Levi has, and hopes the small collection of The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry that he has gotten will suffice for the time being.

He wishes that he is enough for him and for Riley.

Liam has dreamt of being a father to Riley’s children for such a long time that the moment is almost overwhelming for him.

No amount of training that he partook in since he was a child would ever prepare him for this moment.

When the door opens, he comes face to face with Riley. Liam smiles at her, his voice half weak, half apologetic, “I come bearing gifts…”

And she throws her arms around him, relishing in his warmth.

Their actions mimic the past that they shared as the King and his mistress. Bouquets of roses and tokens of love and apologies, tear-stained hugs as Riley would pull him inside…

Liam finds himself letting out a shaky breath as he wills for his nervousness to vanish. He takes in the small, quaint apartment, noting the homey touches that Riley has decorated the place with – a vase of handpicked flowers on her dining table, small candles and other trinkets on the coffee table, crayon drawings on the fridge, children’s books upon children’s books on a small shelf and a neat pile of toys that sat in the corner where the figure of a small boy sat with a book in his lap.

Levi…

His breath hitches in his throat again, as his own eyes come into contact with Levi’s small pair.

Liam wants to drop everything and head over to the small boy to embrace him, but he knew it probably wasn’t the best idea unless he wanted to scare him off.

So, he stands there, keeping the distance between himself and Levi as Riley makes the introductions.

She is ever cautious as she kneels down next to Levi. She herself feels rather unprepared.

How would one even approach this topic to an innocent four-year-old?

She reassures him of Liam’s presence as a start, a hand of hers ruffling his hair lovingly.

“This is Liam, Levi…” Riley begins, her voice soft as she tests the waters. “He’s… He’s going to be in our lives for a while, my love.”

Levi’s dark eyes moves from his mother to the strange man who stood a few steps away from him. He allows himself to scan the man, his eyes tracing over his posture. The emotions on his face show that he is unconvinced of the man’s presence – his gaze is unwavering and his lips is void of any smiles.

“Like Uncle Daniel?” His voice is light, questioning with a hint of distrust.

“…Like Uncle Daniel.” Riley repeats, “But it’s a bit different… because, Liam is… Liam is your father, Levi.”

The boy blinks.

The concept of having a father in his life is foreign to Levi. In fact, the only person coming close to having that title would be Daniel, and it was only because he helped babysit once in a while.

But Levi didn’t even consider himself and Daniel close.

His whole world revolved around his mother and his mother alone.

He was the foundation of his mother’s smiles since the day that he was born. Every time he would see his mother in quiet tears, he would give her his best comforting hugs. Every time his mother would seem to zone out as her hands would absentmindedly play with the blue and silver ring on her finger, he would slip his small hand into hers and give her a reassuring smile.

He had never understood the reason as to why his mother would get upset for no reason from time to time. All he knew was that his presence, words and smiles alone helped get him and his mother through each day – Levi didn’t understand how having a father all of a sudden would help in any degree.

So he lets his eyes wander back down to the page of his book where his finger remains at the last word that he had read.

He mumbles, mostly for his mother to hear, but with clear knowledge that the man could hear his words as well.

“…I only need you, Mom.”

Part 5: Hestia

#liam x mc #king liam #the royal romance #king liam of cordonia #liam x riley #playchoices #playchoices fanfic #choices: the royal romance #choices: stories you play #the royal romance fanfic #trr fanfic #joey writes choices #joey writes

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ec-sanderssides · 7 years

Text

The Most Awkward Semester Ever IV

Here it is! Hope you all like it Tags: @starlight-sanders @fallingineternity @planetahmane @wingedchickadee @netzoflix @pizza-smurf @sister-sage @virgil-sanders-protection-squad @iaminmultiplefandoms @loonierlovegood @shadow-desu @doggo-fiends-on-a-spaceship @snickerz171 @the-laarmy @orhaven02 @aperfectcontradiction @tickleesdream @1dcrazy14 @goshdarndingdang @onemorebookidontneed @justphantasia @zoeyheys @extremepenguin10 @antisocialili @liberalautisticnerd831 @lamsforlams @alzac-saber @the-sanders-sides Let me know if you want off the tag list

Part I Part II Part III Part V Part VI

Virgil couldn’t stop fidgeting, his hands endlessly worrying at the edge of his hoodie.

“Remind me why this isn’t a bad idea again?” he said, his voice pitching a little higher than usual.

“Because if you leave now you’ll regret it forever,” Roman replied, rolling his eyes from where he was standing next to him.

“I mena I already regret most of my life,” Virgil muttered, “So..”

“Virgil” Roman said exasperatedly.

“Fine, yeah, whatever” Virgil waved his hand, as if trying to brush away his words. “Just remember to pinch me if I start babbling or sounding stupid.”

It was then that Roman reached out and pinched him. Hard.

“Hey!” Virgil cried out, springing away from Roman. “What the hell was that for?”

“You said to pinch you if you started sounding stupid,” Roman retorted. “And you being this nervous is pretty freaking stupid. You’re going to be fine, Virgil. Try to relax a little. It’s a just a movie.”

“Sometimes I really fricking hate- oh god, he’s here!”

Virgil’s focus abruptly switched from Roman’s annoying ways to the approaching figure. Logan was wearing jeans. Virgil had never seen him in jeans before, he always wore slacks or khakis to school before, somehow making them look ridiculously good. But now, with these jeans…

“Fuck, I am so gay” Virgil breathed out, still unable to take his eyes off of Logan. He could hear Roman stifling a laugh next to him though, so without looking he reached out and smacked him, hearing a yelp.

“There,” he said, “Revenge for the pinch.”

Before Roman had a chance to retaliate, Logan had reached them.

“Salutations, Virgil,” he said with a soft smile. And dear god, he was going to end up killing Virgil someday.

Logan continued.

“I wanted to thank you for coming out with me today,” he said warmly, “I’ve been meaning to see Kubo for a while, but it’s more enjoyable with companions. Speaking of which, this is Patton. Patton, this is Virgil.

“Pleasure to meet you, champ!” The cheerful looking boy beside Logan stepped forward, holding out his hand.

He continued, “I’ve heard a lot about you from Logan. It’s good to finally meet you face to face.”

Virgil’s mind raced. Logan had talked about him? What had he said? Was it good? Oh, who was he kidding, it was probably bad. Fuck, Patton probably already thought he was an idiot.

Trying not to show any of this on his face, Virgil reached out and shook the hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” he said quietly. “Ah, you were the one to make those cookies a little while back, right? They were-they were really good.“

Patton beamed.

“Aw, thanks!” he said. “I’m so glad you liked them! I love to bake, but I love sharing what I bake even more. Just let me know if you ever have a craving for baked goods. I can do more than cookies too. In fact I do a mean chocolate cheesecake.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Roman broke in, stepping forward from where he had been behind Virgil. “But perhaps we should continue this conversation after we’ve gotten our seats. I’m Roman, by the way. Pleasure to meet you all.”

“Oh, well hello, Roman” Patton said cheerfully. “And yeah let’s go in. I hope we can get seats right in the middle. I’m so excited for this movie, the trailers looked so cool and I love animated movies!”

“I agree!” Roman said enthusiastically. “I especially love Disney movies. Tell me do you have a favorite?”

As they began to walk forward, Roman and Patton still chatting each other’s ears off, Logan fell in step with Virgil.

“I really am glad you agreed to come,” he said. “I hope you find the outing enjoyable.

“Um, yeah, sure I will” Virgil mumbled, hoping his face wasn’t too red. He could get through this though. Roman was right. It was just a movie. Just a movie.

He glanced back up again at Logan, and struggled to keep from blushing again. Why did he have to be so unfairly hot?

After they bought their tickets and made their way towards their theatre, Logan could see Virgil glancing at the concession stand.

“Did you want something?” he asked, wanting to make this experience as pleasant for Virgil as possible.

Virgil glanced up at him, looking startled.

“Uh, no, I’m okay,” he muttered. “We should just go sit down.”

“Are you sure?” Logan said, wanting to make sure before they reached their theatre.

“Yeah, I’m surprised,” Virgil’s friend Roman broke in. “You love movie popcorn.”

Virgil was now looking very uncomfortable and flustered, which was not what Logan wanted. So he made a decision.

“You two go on ahead,” he told Patton and Roman. “Save some seats for us. We’re going to get some snacks.”

With that, he grabbed Virgil’s hand and tugged him towards the concession stand.

“So we’re obviously getting popcorn,” he said thinking out loud, “But I might also get a soda as well. Do you want one? The salt from the popcorn might make you thirsty. Also I’ll get some chocolate for Patton, he loves sweet things."

He looked back at Virgil, who was staring at Logan, slightly slack-jawed. When he saw Logan looking at him, he straightened up a bit.

“Um, that all sounds fine, I guess” he stammered out. “What-whatever you want.”

Logan nodded. Right, he’d get two popcorns, a drink for him, another for Virgil, and some chocolate for Patton. He wasn’t sure what Roman would want, so hopefully the popcorn would suffice.

It wasn’t until he’d almost reached the front of the line that he realized he’d never let of of Virgil’s hand. He glanced out of the corner of his eyes at the other boy, but Virgil didn’t seem like he was feeling uncomfortable or trying to shift away. Logan couldn’t help but feel a warmth spread inside his chest. It seemed like the other truly was becoming more comfortable around him.

It was with some regret that he had to break the hold once he’d placed the order so that he could pull out his wallet. But despite the broken grip, Virgil hadn’t moved away from him either. This was very promising and going much better than last time.

“Uh, hey how much should I pitch in?” Virgil asked uncertainly as Logan handed over his credit card.

“Nothing, it’s my treat,” Logan said absently, as he signed the receipt. “I am, after all, the one who invited you."

“O-oh, but are you sure?” Virgil said. Logan could see him fidgeting. As he grabbed the chocolate and the drinks, he turned and smiled at him.

“Yes, I’m sure” he reassured Virgil. “Like I said, my treat. Now, can you carry the popcorn bags?”

“Yeah sure,” Virgil mumbled in reply. While he was keeping his eyes fixed downward, he didn’t appear to be truly distressed to Logan’s eyes. In fact, he could have sworn he saw a faint smile flicker across the other’s face.

Feeling content and very self-satisfied, Logan led the way to the theatre. He was going to see a movie he had been highly anticipating. He was accompanied by people he enjoyed spending time with. And best of all, he had finally made progress with Virgil.

Perhaps, he found himself considering, glancing yet again at the other, we could even remain friends beyond the bounds of the project.

As he and Virgil settled down in the seats Patton and Roman has saved for them, the exact middle of the theatre as Patton had wanted, Logan let himself entertain the though further. Keeping his eyes discreetly fixed on Virgil, who was now curled up and absentmindedly eating popcorn as he watched the trailers. Yes, the thought of becoming friends was indeed quite a pleasant one.

Bonus! The conversation Roman and Patton have while waiting in the theatre:

Patton: So Virgil has quite the crush, doesn’t he?

Roman: Yeah, he’s pretty obvious about it. Has Logan figured it out?

Patton: Ah, Logan isn’t always the best with emotional and social, so no, he hasn’t. He thinks Virgil is afraid of him.

Roman: Well that’s better than what Virgil’s been worried about. He’s convinced Logan thinks he’s an idiot.

Patton: Oh no, he likes Virgil. That’s why he’s been trying to date him, even through he hasn’t figured out that’s what he’s been trying to do yet.

Roman: Ok, so these have been dates. I wasn’t sure.

Patton: Really? I didn’t think he was being that subtle.

Roman: Yes, but I have to rely on Virgil for information and he’s not the most reliable narrator when it comes to Logan.

Patton: That’s fair.

#virgil sanders #logan sanders #analogical #patton sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #the most awkward semester ever #fanfic #my fic

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lyidiastiles · 7 years

Text

I can’t lose you

Pairing: Stiles/Lydia

Warnings: Major character hospitilization

Word count: 1, 419

Summary: When Stiles is put in the hospital, Lydia realizes how much she needs him

@edelwoodsouls I loved writing this for you for valentine’s day!! I tried to incorporate a soulmate aspect for you, I hope you like this!!

The high pitched scream of the alarm wakes Lydia up with a jolt. She opens her eyes with a groan and reaches her arm stiffly to the side, slapping it quiet. She rolls over and comes face to face with Stiles. Now, a smile brighter than the sun spreads across her face as they look into each other’s eyes. “I don’t want to get up,” she whispers to him. He laughs, no more than a rush of air. His arm pops out of the blanket and wraps itself around her cheek “Neither do I,” he sighs. Lydia moves her face forward an inch or two until their noses are touching. She presses her lips to his gently, grasping his lips with her own for a moment. She pulls away, their lips reluctantly leaving each other. She quickly whips the blanket off with a giggle, hearing a playful grunt from Stiles as he buries his face into his pillow. He shuts his his eyes tightly then reopens them, lifting his head back up to stare at the master piece that is now walking around the room. His gaze lingers on the skin of her thighs, the large t-shirt she wears just only reaching mid-thigh. A slight smile reaches his face as he gets out of bed, and together they get ready for work.

Lydia spins in her desk, finding solace in the light squeaking sound that comes out with each turn. She taps her pen impatiently on her paper, desperately trying to decipher the numbers in front of her, staring them down intently. Suddenly, her phone rings from inside her purse. She jumps, startled, before pushing herself out of her chair to pick it up. By the third ring, she answers. “Hello?” she says. She hears silence for a moment too long and moves to hang up, before a silky voice speaks through the phone. “Hi, sorry. Ms. Martin?” the lady asks, her voice like honey. “Yes, that’s me,” Lydia tells her, curious. “My name is Mrs. Lorindale. We have you listed here as Mr. Stilinski’s emergency contact, is that correct?” Lydia’s eyebrows come together in concern, his image coming into her mind, his smile filling her thoughts. “Yes,” she says again, “Is something wrong?” she asks, panic beginning to form in her stomach. “We aren’t completely sure at this point, but he was injured severely at work. They rushed him into surgery immediately upon arriving at the hospital,” the lady explains softly, empathy radiating through her voice. Lydia’s hands begin to tremble as the panic rises up into her throat, worry lodging itself. She processes Mrs. Lorindale’s words slowly, and squeezes her eyes closed as hard as she can, willing it to go away, willing it not to be real. “Ms. Martin?” She snaps her eyes open and gathers her purse in her free arm. “Yes!” she stutters, “Yes. Yes, yes. I’ll be right there,” she tells Mrs. Lorindale and hangs up the phone before hearing her answer. She runs out of her work without telling anyone where she’s going, ignoring the stares of her coworkers as she sprints by their desks. The only thing she can think about is Stiles. Her Stiles, hurt. She presses the down button on the elevator frantically, surely bruising her finger. She shifts back and forth on her feet as she waits for the elevator to descend, breathing heavily. When the doors open, she bursts out and rushes to her car, screeching out of the parking lot.

When Lydia arrives at the hospital, she rushes immediately to the desk, breathing hard. She gives the lady sitting there a smile as she collects her thoughts. “Hi,” she says to the lady, “Could I have an update on Mieczyslaw Stilinski? I’m his girlfriend,” she explains. The lady nods before pulling out the book and flipping through a few pages. “He had a gunshot to his middle. Hit his stomach, but he got here quickly, so they should have him out of surgery in about an hour, then you can see him. He’s expected to survive, so you can take that breath you’ve been holding in, the lady smiles slyly. The air rushes out of Lydia’s lungs in a huff of relief. “Thank you so much,” she says to the lady, shooting her a grateful smile before making her way over to the waiting area, plopping herself down in a chair. She has at least an hour to kill, so she pulls her book out of her purse to read.

About an hour later, Lydia sees movement above her in the corner of her eye. She finishes her sentence before sliding her bookmark onto the page and closing her book. She looks up to see who is standing in front of her and sees the lady from the desk. “Mieczyslaw’s surgery is finished. You can go see him now,” the lady tells her. Lydia’s heart jumps with joy, a huge smile spreading across her face. She pushes herself up from her chair and gathers her things, her arms overflowing with items. She follows the lady as she is lead down many hallways, until finally they stop in front of a door with a small, rectangular window in the upper right corner. The lady opens the door for her and Lydia takes small steps into the doorway until she is fully in the room. She registers the sound of the door clicking closed lightly behind her, but her mind focuses only on the man in the bed in front of her. From where she stands, she can see the slight rise and fall of his chest, her the small bit of air that leaves his nostrils with each exhale. She takes a few steps closer and catches the IV attached to his arm, the soft beep of the monitor with each beat of his heart preventing silence in the room. She gently and quietly pulls the chair from behind her, settling in it directly beside Stiles, so close that her stomach makes contact with the edge of the bed. She sets her jacket on the floor by her feet, careful to not make a sound with each movement, each inhalation. With her hands now both free, she reaches up over the bed and grabs the pale hand that rests at the side of Stile’s body. She examines his faintly freckled face, the brown specks more pronounced, the usual red colour in his face faded to a white. She lifts his cool, skinny hand to her face and presses a light kiss to the backside, then sets it back down. She sits, staring at his face for a few minutes, her eyes traveling the length of his cheeks and forehead a thousand times over. She wills him to wake up, craves the sound of his voice, the feel of his eyes on hers. She takes a sharp bout of breath as his eyes flutter open little by little. His breathing becomes stronger quickly, and his eyes take in the room widely, confusion masking his features. His shoulders tense as he tries to remember where he is, what. Lydia touches his hand with her fingers to draw his attention over to her. His head whips in her direction and his posture relaxes when his eyes catch hers. His groggy stare rests on her own as she smiles modestly at him, wrapping her hand in his once again. She gives his hand a light squeeze as he calms down. “I got shot,” he says, a small laugh escaping his throat. She giggles at that. “You sure did,” she answers. They sit in silence for a few moments, the only sound the steady beep coming from the monitor above them. “I’m so glad I didn’t lose you,” she tells him, a trace of tears in her eyes. He meets her eyes again and nods. “I wouldn’t go dying on you,” he tells her. “At least not this easily,” he jokes. “I can’t lose you,” he says, seriously now. She nods back at him, standing up out of her chair carefully. She climbs in next to him, making sure not to hit or move him. They both sigh contently as she lies down beside him, much like they were that very morning. She curls her body in towards his and hugs his arm with both of her own. She closes her eyes blissfully, and soon he follows suit. He feels the warmth of her body against her own, and together they sleep.

#stydiasecretvalentines #my work #fic*#tw fanfiction #teen wolf fanfiction #lydia martin fanfiction #stiles stilinski fanfiction #stydia fanfiction #stydiafic

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