#ive done nothing but final work for two weeks im so excited to be free

[mlmdarkfiction]

TOMORROW IS MY LAST FINAL I WONT HAVE CLASSES TILL FALL IM GUNNA TRY TO MAKE CONTENT AGAIN

[bookwyrminspiration]

You are like a book character thats just. Yeah what did i expect from a name like that bnfjfjfjf

Yo on the reading tho!?? I feel the revitalized pjo interest im staring at my pjo books like. Soon soon i will get to u (THO IM MISSING A FEW OF THEM AND I DONT KNOW WHERE THEYVE GONE. THEYVE BEEN STOLEN I SWEAR) i actually have been trying to read actual books again and!!! I finished one finally!!! Only took me like a month bmgkfkfk i finished call down the hawk and my local library is ab to murder me for how long ive had it-

Dude okay so i work at a movie theater right and ive wanted to see boy and the heron so badly ive just been so busy im staring at it and like ten other movies like pls i need free time. Other than that i got baldurs gate 3 and have been wandering through a world download for a minecraft series i like. And im once again cursed by my inability to finish fics so my solution is write all of it then post and now i have like two 15k wips just sitting in my notes app ive been trying to finish for like two years T-T

I've read so many books I've started to become them, and honestly? There are worst fates. I think I'd make a good like...wise character. Like the one the main character goes to when they have a question and I pull on information I don't explain how I got and set them on their quest or something. Or they discover a cursed magic item and they're like, well Quil probably knows something useful. And then I do.

Anyway! Congrats on the reading! I actually did so much reading, writing, and drawing the past week that I gave myself a headache three days in a row. Like I legit had to just sit for an hour yesterday doing nothing. I've been meaning to read Call Down the Hawk since it came out--I actually started it back then, but for some reason I only got to the part right after the crabs(?) in the dorm where Ronan gets kicked out, and then cries(?) in the garden(?). But I fully intend to return to it, I love the world of trc. And Ronan's my favorite. so.

and the pjo thing!! i've been blasting through them at the rate of about one a day just like oh my god I forgot how much I loved these. the writing style is just so fun. currently half-way through mark of athena, but I had to stop because I do this thing every year where the first book I read is a twilight book for shits and giggles, so I gotta finish life and death before I go back to it (i'm already about 3/4ths of the way done so not a huge detour).

Oh right the boy and the heron! I forgot I mentioned that--I saw it yesterday! I'll admit it did contribute to my headache, because big bright screen in a dark room is...not great. my laptop gives me headaches sometimes, but anyway. I don't think it's my favorite ghibli film, but it had a draw to it. it's quite beautiful, and it's thought provoking in its way. very ghibli-esque.

bg3!! I haven't played myself (doesn't seem my kind of game), but I will admit I did have a few moments of just being enraptured by astarion. which is so cliche of me, but what can I say? his dialogue was funny.

good luck with all of your fics though--I've got a handful that are just waiting to be edited before I post them. but the wings au and then gift exchanges took precedent, so they've been sitting a while. but! those are over now! so I plan to edit and finally post them soon. I've also got this kotlc book 1 but from fitz's pov project in the works I'm very excited to return to :)

anyway, it is very nice to hear from you tater!! giving you the biggest high five rn o7 spicy gatorade or something

[disaster-fruit]

could you tell us more about the brarg family au with the 3 babies and trans luci?

I definitely can! This au has been living rent free in my head since i started that drawing and I was actually sketching more stuff for the AU right before I got this ask so- I definitely can ramble more about it

This was supposed to be just a collection of a few hcs and now it’s a multi-pages word document the size of a fanfic so – Im really sorry.

I didn’t think a lot about their backstories tbh, though I have it in my mind that Luciano transition in his late teens and that he and martin either met after that or knew each other before luciano came out, lost all contact, and then met again after (and you can blame oxiosas fic for that yeah im not even subtle)

But I imagine them having some sort of meet cute and kinda progressing really fast in their relationship without realizing – yk, its just a fling, no big deal, yeah ive met his parents, yes I basically spend every weekend in his apartment, yeah I have a spare key now, ops I guess we’re adopting dogs and plants together- oh I think we’re married. Yeah. We’re married.

Ok but for real Luci does the proper proposal-with-a-ring-and-knelt-down-on-a-special-day thing and Martin is just bright red saying yes over and over again

It is Afonso (port) the first to be all WHERE ARE MY GRANDCHILDREN like… the night of their wedding.

They live in a house in a not too big city with two dogs, one cat, one parrot and all the birds that Luciano feeds and names that aren’t actually theirs. Still, they choose the house with two spare rooms because they always talked about having two kids.

In this AU they can buy a nice house and don’t have to worry about money and can raise kids like the world isn’t ending.

I think right after they got married they got in line for adoption. However, everything indicated that it would take a long long time so they started talking about the possibility of trying to have a biological kid. I think luci was the one to suggest it when he noticed martin had been thinking about it but not saying anything for a while.

Lots of boring doctor visits and confused doctors looking at luciano and trying to process it like the dumb cishets they are. Boring exams and all that, but everything is on track eventually, luci pauses his hrt and keeps his jockstrap on the drawer and they’re googling the best positions for fertility on those weird cishet sites and doing it like bunnies etc etc

Getting pregnant the natural way after years of testosterone is not the easiest thing in the world, so it takes a while. But eventually it works.

Both of them are kinda freaking out with this whole first pregnancy thing. Martin is the ultimate protective husband, and spends way too much time on the internet finding out what luciano can and can’t eat, what exercises he should do, and going to every single doctor visit. He’s very committed to it.

Luciano has to drink non-alcoholic beer and hates life. There’s a single teardrop shed every time he buys it. And drinks a lot of lemonade like it’s the same as caipirinha. Poor guy. Martin doesn’t help on that, life isn’t fair, he buys his own beer.

But he also has to drive absurd lengths to find the weirdest fruit or make the most hideous, blasphemous pizza toppings because Luciano is constantly craving absurd shit. But poor baby actually really NEEDS that chicken M&M pizza at 8am.

They’re super proud daddies though, and both their instagrams at this point are just baby belly pictures. Luci had top surgery on this au on my hc so also. Lots of shirtless pics. He looks like an old uncle with a beer belly and he’s PROUD. Just. Baby bellies all over.

Martin picks the entire baby layette. Because of course he does.

Their baby shower is a huge deal though. Their dads are there, Antonio brings an entire trunk filled with diapers and tells everyone how many tincho used to need when he was a baby, Afonso is cooking for everyone and talking about how he’s gonna be a grandfather (!!!). Iracema (pindorama) is scolding Luci about his bad habits while also quietly being a super proud grandma. Zola (angola) bought toys because she knows that’s what kids actually like, Samero (Mozão) keeps asking if they installed all the necessary security stuff in their house – we will, chill, we still have some months to go – Vera (Tomé) is teasing Simão (Timor) about him no longer being the family baby, Fatima (g.bissau) is another one who bought a huge amount of diapers, Rosinha (cabo verde) is taking pictures of everyone and everything, Sebas and Dani are discussing if the kid should speak Portuguese or Spanish, Maria brought a huge pink plushy as a gift, it’s quite a party.

Once they’re late in the pregnancy, Luciano mostly spends his time on Martin’s oversized t-shirts asking for foot rubs and not getting much sleep because the baby keeps moving. Martin on the other hand is a little nervous about being a dad, but absolutely loves feeling the little kicks and talking to the baby all the time, except when its 3am and he wants to sleep but Luci cant because of it so he just does his best to keep him company. He mostly ends up falling asleep on his chest though and doesn’t help much

I wrote all of this but I still don’t have a name for the girl lol Anyway, she’s finally born, and if martin was overprotective when Luciano was pregnant, he’s ten times more with his baby girl. Tbh theyre both kinda going crazy with this whole parenting thing, both are overprotective, tired, and have no idea what theyre doing.

Zola and Sebastian are the girl’s godparents. Sebastian isn’t very good with kids so when he takes care of his niece he either puts on a tv show and lets her eat whatever crap she wants, or relies on Daniel to do the actual taking care, since he is good with kids.

Luciano and Martin are very much neurotic first-timers and have all this schedule of what their girl can eat and when and when she has to sleep etc etc.

When Zola takes care of her, she just ignores it and does it her way. She helped raised Luci since he was a baby anyway, he survived just fine and even married and reproduced, she knows what to do better than both the dumbasses, and they never even find out.

Afonso on the other had follows everything when he’s with his granddaughter, determined to be a better grandfather than he was a father, and the baby loves him so he’s doing a good job.

They’re a very cute family yes yes

She grows up well and happy, a bit shy maybe but very smart and sweet, loves the dogs and her aunts and uncles and granddads (afonso more than antonio though)

By the way, Iracema is soft like butter with her granddaughter.

When she’s about four or five years old they start talking about having a second one, considering the age difference and all. So back to doctors, Luci stops the hrt again and they go back to trying, but again it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do it naturally after years of hrt.

But god listens to the prayers of such good catholic family, and right after they start thinking about a second child, they receive the news they will finally get to adopt a baby.

Luciano is the one to receive the news, he’s working at home when the social worker comes to tell him they can finally adopt. He’s extremely happy, he hugs the poor lady and is barely able to concentrate as she explains the paperwork that is left and the details of it because he can’t stop smiling.

He immediately texts martin saying something like “CALL ME RIGHT NOW WE NEED TO TALK” and it’s in happy caps but martin understands it wrong and thinks someone is dying or dead but then his phone is what dies so he gets home as fast as he can thinking all the worst scenarios just to find luciano jumping on him with a smile for ear to ear. It’s such a shock he takes a while to react but when he does you have two idiots so happy they can’t function.

It’s another girl, she has big brown eyes like her sister and it’s a few months old.

They quickly reassemble the crib and paint the second room to get everything ready in time to take her home, and the next week or so it’s nothing but all the family visiting to meet their new baby.

Since they managed to adopt, they decided to stop trying to have another kid. Luciano goes back to the doctor do some routine exams so that he can go back to testosterone and the doctor just awkwardly explains that, well, that won’t be exactly possible. Not for the next eight months, at least.

He’s quite shocked at that, and takes him a while to tell martin. They just got a new baby and do they even have space to raise three kids? Eventually it just escapes from him and martin is shocked as well, but ultimately both of them are just worried about their place being too small, and once they relax about that they can’t shut up about having another baby on the way to anyone.

Still, it’s not easy to manage, martin is just as worried as he was with their eldest, except that this time he’s simultaneously worried about their new baby and about Luci’s pregnancy. Poor dude needs a break asap. So he’s trying to do most of the work of caring for a little baby to spare luciano from the stress, while also taking care of him as well as he did the other time.

Luci is more chill about being pregnant, he’s done this before, he’s fine. He’s even a little too chill about it, as shown in the art, he still wants to carry their kid on his shoulder and having a few sips of martin’s beer is no big deal and honestly he’s fine, he can help with the baby, and Tincho just needs to relax and it will all be fine.

Again, poor tincho needs a break.

Some things don’t change though. Them being super proud daddies who do nothing but take pictures of their kids and Luci’s belly every chance they get. And they’re really happy and excited to have their house full and this big family.

Just a good cute family AU where nothing bad ever happens thank you very much.  Yet it took me almost 2k words to say it. I have no self control and I’m very sorry. However, if anyone has their own hcs to add about this whole au, I will be more than happy to hear and talk about this AU even more than I’ve already done.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

A Climb Chapter Two

Superman catches you again this time he follows through then delivers you to Clark.

Masterlist

Chapter One

Warnings:Adult situations +18, Slight Smut, Spanking ,Slight Daddy kink

A Climb Chapter Two

was two weeks later and you'd all but forgotten about your little interaction with the man of steel, well forgot repressed one of the two. You found yourself on a job with Clark, a bog standard peice on the the air quality in down town and you decided a birds eye veiw of traffic would suffice for the image maybe if you could get a traffic jam? That would be ideal. You made your way through town with him.

"So I want to do a birds eye view of downtown traffic, I was thinking by the shopping quater, you know where the shitty new intersection is?" He have you a side glance confused

"Yeah we could get a helicopter or somthing?" he said giving you a side glance you shook your head

"Nah no need I can find somewhere" he frowned at you stopping taking hold of your arm making you stop and face him

"Really theres no balconies there tho how would you get it?" You chuckled at him patting his arm always the sweet worry wort.

"Dont you worry Im a good climber Im sure I will find a way" his grip tightedn on your arm and he shook his head

"Absolutly not! no you are not risking your life for a photo we will do something else" you frowned that sounded familiar but you didn't dwell on it to irritated.

"Hey whoa I can do it Ive done it before-"

"I said no! You better not its to dangerous" he sounded stern you'd never seen him like this before, sweet lovable Clark trying to put his foot down? hell you didn't think he had it in him.

"Im serious" you sighed at him knowing you probably wont get any where with him

"Fine I wont god I will do something else" you said still intending to do it just without him knowing going to walk on he tugged you back to him pointing an accusing finger in your face.

"You say that like I dont know your still gonna try... I mean it y/n...You-you do and your ass is mine." You frowned tilting your head to stare at him

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you disobey me on this and I'm gonna toast your ass your not climbing. You could fall and then what? No not going to happen" You took a step back blushing brightly at his words he gave you a look he was serious.

"What the fuck you sound just like the boyscout"

"Boyscout?" You scoffed tugging your arm free and walking around him

"Nevemind doesnt matter" he growled at your dismissal following you into the office. Nothing else was mentioned that day but you was seething for two reasons one how dare he threaten you like that and two how dare your body get aroused over it....So you will admit you have a crush on the big teddy bear, well if you call being hoplessly in love with him a crush. You packed up your things up still in a temper as Clark came up behind you tall and brooding.

"Y/n I meant what I said earlier dont do it I will find out." You sighed then turned to him smileing bright

"Good night Clark see you tomorrow" then slipped away from him and out of the building. Once home you changed and headed out down towards the shopping quarter, it wasn't long befor you found yourself 12 stories up on one of the flat roofs laying on your front head behind the camara hanging over the edge taking photos of the manic traffic so focused on the task you didnt notice a certain hero landing behind you until.

"HOLY SHIT!" you jumped rolling over as someone tapped you with there foot, laying on your side you glared at him

"YOU? Again? Are you fucking mad?! What the hell you sneaking up on me for-Hey wait what are you doing?" The fire was sucked out of your second question as he just sighed hoisting you up one arm around your waist you wiggled and kicked out

"Hey let go! Put me down!" you tried beating on his abdomen but just hurt your own hands.

"What did I warn you last time?" You froze as he sat on a low brick wall taking you across his lap. You screeched finally realizing what he had planned.

"No! nonononono stop its for work! Please it was for work dont Spank me I'm sorry! Dont you dare touch me!!" you tried scrabbling away hissing and screeching like a banshee swaying between sounding scared and small to firey and livid , you was silenced momentarily by a swift slap on the backs of your thighs. You quickly tried to smother your back end with your hands

"Yes Clark told me to watch out for you tonight he also told me that he'd warned you against climbing." You frowned

"CLARK!? As in Kent? How the hell do you know him?!"

"I've been doing interviews for him and Lois for months" he explained casually...you had completely forgot about that

"Wait hold on You spoke to him? When? How the hell did you start talking about me? Did-did you tell him to-IT WAS YOU!! YOU TOLD HIM TO THREATEN TO SPANK ME?!?" He chuckled if only you knew

"Somthing like that yes...They have both told me about you in past interveiws, the photographer who is always jumping in head first I wasn't convinced until I found you on the crane. Clark wasnt happy when I let him know what you've been upto so I may have suggested a solution." You kicked out trying to twist away from him but he took it all in his stride.

"How dare you!? you are not my fucking keeper and neither is he!! I don't have to answer to either of you now let gooo!"

"You are not going anywhere until I have met out your punishment. And you want to hope that Clark doesnt decided to add to it he was very angry... He loves you ,you know" you froze turning to face him blushing your heart fluttering befor shaking your head

"Wh-what? Bullshit" he collected your hands in one holding them behind you

"Yes he does thats why he asked me to look out for you and after this I will be dropping you off to him, I'm sure he will have alot to say knowing just how naughty you have been" you squirmed around trying to break free from him only now realizing that he had captured your hands but to no avail.

"NOO! no please please don't do that"

"Do what? spank you or hand you over?"

"Both!" He sighed and tilted you forward striking your bottom his large hand covering it entirely you yelped loud as another spank was placed then another igniting a quick burn in the seat of your sweats quickly one after another was placed and you cried and yelped each time as the heat built very quickly yet you could feel your panties getting damp as each jolt of his palm forced you to clench making your clit throb below you. He was methodical and patient he took his time rubbing soothingly between spanks as he carefully brought your ass to a stinging throb. You whined low embarrassed as you could felt yourself heating up all over your nipples hard rubbing against your bra as you rocked forward with each well placed open palm on you bottom. It hurt burned even but not as much as it could have.

"I hope you feel ashamed of your self right now, I have never had to resort to this with anyone ever. Your just a naughty little brat!" his scolding made you groan, his words went straight to your clit that was straining against your wet panties you rubbed your thighs together slightly trying to ease your arousal. He paused pulling down your sweats you bucked harshly wriggling trying to throw him off but he just held tight tucking the waist band down your thigh's before peppering stinging hot slaps across your twitching thighs. you cried fat tears falling as it sunk in just how humiliating this was. He paid no mind concentrating on the task at hand trying to hold back his excitement as he glimpsed your damp panties leaving bright red hand prints all across your thighs and bottom painting it red. You withered under his palm kicking out and wailing as he blistered your ass efficiency finally giving in you mewled loud weeping slumped across his lap no longer trying to escape but just taking it crying your heart out.

"Pl-please I'm sorry I wont do it again please!" How could this have been your fantasy? being spanked until you truly cry with no hope of getting away, you covered your face partly in humiliation as even as the thoughts crossed your mind your walls were twitching rippling in on themselves throbbing hot and leaking even with your burning bruised bottom somewhat on display

"There not such a brat now with a hot bottom are you? are you going to behave now?"

"Y-yes pl-please stop it hurts pleeeeaasse!" you felt mortified as you begged feeling another small flood of arousal stick your panties to your puffy lips, wetting your clit making you moan into your hands you were going to cum. You gasped through your tears as the thought struck you. You couldn't, you held back clenching tight trying to stop the warmth coiling in your tummy a punishment in itself trying to hold back not wanting to humiliate your self like that in front of any one least of all him. What if he told Clark? he'd think you was a freak. He left one final heavy spank across the bottom curve of your swollen red cheeks almost catching your pussy making it twitch so close to cumming on him that you began crying almost hysterically. He pulled up your sweats tilting you up right in front of him still sobbing holding your face wiping your face trying to stop the tear gathering your bag he tucked his arm below your sore ass making you hiss."Hold on" was all the warning you got before he took of from the roof heading back to the residential side of town landing on the roof. Placing you on your feet handing you your bag and opened the fire escape that lead into the building.

"Number 14 and I will be out here watching, if I have to come in there then you will get another spanking" you whined looking up at him pathetically.

"P-please take me home- I d-don't want to-"

"Get in there now young lady!" you squeaked running through the door not wanting to argue and risk getting another ass whopping from him. Once inside you crept down the stairs you knew where Clark lived, you'd been here a few times for coffee or going threw photos with him for the articles. You sniffed wiping your nose and eyes trying to pull yourself together you sighed and knocked quietly on his door head down not entirely sure what to expect you didn't have long to dwell on it  as he opened the door standing aside

"In" was all he said you shuffled in past him as he slammed the door shut you jumped whimpering feeling tears well again as you fidgeted in front of him.

"He told me already...Why? why did you disobey me?" you shrugged not looking up feeling ashamed that superman had aready told him what had happened. He lifted your face to look at him the crossed his arms

"Y/n I wont ask again" you avoided his eyes shifting from one foot to the other.

"I just wanted to get a good photo.... wasn't that high." he  locked his jaw tilting his head to the side before snapping at you

"High enough!! and if you fell, you know Im glad I asked him to watch out for you! I was terrified when he told me he found you up a fucking crane. A crane? y/n, but I though that a near death experience and a threat from him would do it but no, you just go running off doing what you want." you looked up at him

"Clark stop I'm hurt and upset and don't need a lecture from you! the only reason I'm here is because he made me. quit yelling at me!!"

"I know that, and Im glad he seems to have left an impression because thats what you need!"

"And how do you know what I need? WHy do you care anyway? no one asked you to!! just butt out!!" you shouted stomping at him throwing your bag to the floor wiping your eyes,upset, frustrated aroused and still confused as fuck. He squared his shoulders

"No I will not but out!!" you gripped your hair just about read to cry again

"Why?!"

"Because I love you!" you gasped at him stepping back

"What?" you asked quietly shaking your head trying to back away he followed pulling you to him in a tight hug tucking you below his chin trapping you.

"I love you and I don't want to loose you, thats why I wont butt out, not any more, fuck sake I got superman to keep and eye out, I thought it'd be enough. Knowing that he was watching you, but its not. I want to be there, to look after you, protect you myself" you sniffled then wrapped your arms around him wetting his shirt with your silent tears shaking with your sobs everything was catching up to you, he sighed rubbing your back.

"I didn't mean to, I just wanted it to be good I was careful, I always am I promise"

"You were hanging off the side y/n thats not being careful" he scolded lightly hoisting you up getting you to wrap your legs around him you hissed as his hands settled on your ass he chuckled.

"Wow he did do a number on you huh? I can feel the heat through these bottoms" you flushed tucking your face into his neck.

"Claaarrk stop" you whined he just continued to his bed room taking you with him kissing your head.

"I'll let you off this time as he has done my job for me, but don't expect it again and Ive asked him to keep an eye out for you from now on" you nuzzled him as he laid down with you on his bed before pulling off your trainers and sweats you blushed trying to cover yourself not wanting him to see proof of you punishment he batted your hands away then whistled low

"Wow he really did lay into you..I can see why you came down he like he told you to...remind me to thank him." you pouted at him

"Nooo stooop it" rolling over hiding your face as he poked the underside of your cheeks peeking out from your panties. Before he leaned down placing a quick kiss on each making you jolt up he only pushed you back down trailing kisses up your back then sucked on the back of your neck you whined feeling his weight on top of you tilting your head to the side.

"Cl-clark what?-" he shushed you then started suckling lightly lathering your neck with his tongue and teeth you gasped rubbing your thighs together the feeling of his trousers on your hot skin made it sting in the best way your clit began throbbing you grinded it against the covers below you sighing, your not sure just how this happened but you didn't care in this moment choosing to indulge. He pulled back rocking lightly against you holding your hips still making you moan, spreading your legs trying to make him slip between them he did placing his knees at your thighs spreading them.

"And whats this?" you snapped out of it realizing your mistake trying to close your legs but it was to late as he moved a hand to your soaked panties, you tried dragging yourself from under him but he placed a solid hand to the curve of your back prodding at you, you arched keening as his fingers began to explore rubbing slow circles slowly building you up, you panted unable to stop rocking on him, coating your slit in your own arousal pulling his hand up before your face letting you see your own mess coating his fingers you turned away mortified he rolled beside you with a cheeky grin still waving his coated fingers in front of you.

"I wonder what caused this then? seems someone has a little secret" he wiped it off on the pillow by your face digging his fingers into your sore ass massaging a little making you moan

"Ah, I know maybe my little spitfire has just wanted to be tamed all along? I should have known, all the bratting and false bravado was just to get daddies attention... well now you have it, and you'll have to endure it" you tensed as his voice lowered as he whispered in your ear you shuddered before leaning in kissing him innocently at first but quickly taking your breath away as he cupped the back of your head tasting you it felt like he trying to devour you just as quick as it began he pulled back with a cheeky grin.

"Good night babe" he lied down on his side dragging you close holding you against him.

"Wh-what Clark hey don't- you can't go to sleep now?" he peeked an eye open at you

"Your not getting to cum tonight oh no after the stunt you pulled? or have you forgotten. Maybe tomorrow if you behave" you gaped at him slapping him lightly

"Noo thats not fair Clark you cant just leave me like this!" he gave a quick slap to your ass making you jolt against him

"Ouch!"

"Carry on you'll get another, now sleep we can talk in the morning" you pouted wriggling deeper into the covers

"Hey Clark... I-I love you to" you placed a quick kiss on his chest he just smiled hugging you closer.

"Good, now sleep"

[benexolence]

Tense (M) pt.1

CEO!Park Jimin x Reader

Word count: 5.4k

Rating = M, F (it was hard not to put fluff in, i’m too soft for chimmy)

SUMMARY: You’ve been subtly teasing your stressed-out boyfriend over the past couple of weeks, and you push him a bit too far at a company dinner, making him want to show you what it’s like to be frustrated.

Warnings: dom!jimin, daddy kink, dirty talk, exhibitionism, degradation, slight-ish possessiveness (bruh IDK), fingering

A/N: There are two parts to this fic! This was originally gonna be a oneshot but it would’ve been MONSTER to post LMFAO but I’ll post pt.2 within the next 2 weeks! Stay tuned :-) ****PART 2 IS OFFICIALLY POSTED! LINK TO PART 2 IS IN MY MASTERLIST!

Jimin had been very tense for the past couple of weeks. Being the CEO of BigHit, there was already a lot riding on him. Recently, his company bought out another company, BT21 and although this transaction would be beneficial for the future of his company, it didn’t necessarily mean that his transition would be smooth. If anything, it was putting a lot of weight on his shoulders, trying to figure out which workers to lay off or what sectors to change entirely, through the means of endless meetings, soon became excruciating. There were so many things to be done, and there wasn’t enough time in the day to complete everything. The tight pressure started to build in his shoulders and his mind as the lack of sleep from early mornings and late nights as the weeks went on. Jimin swore that he began to feel his brain melting.

It didn’t help that he start to see his love less and less. The quality free-time he’d usually spend with you decreased dramatically, turning the salacious sleepovers nearly every weekend into occasional Facetime pillow-talks that would end quickly since he’d almost immediately shut his exhausted eyes once his head hit the soft pillow. He just missed you, so much. Not being able to see you was like trying to substitute ranch for chocolate in a cake and it just didn’t work with him.

At night. Jimin is a needy boy, so destitute that the dreamland that he briefly arrived in every night was scent and taste of the juices that would fall between your thighs as you scream for him to give you more. His mind was clouded with clips of your writhing body, all nice and sweet, just for him. Jimin swore that he’d wake up to your whimpers echoing throughout his bedroom, only to find that you’re not there but his hard-on was painfully present. You couldn’t leave his mind. His lust was overflowing, and he even tried jerking off with his non-dominant hand, nothing worked.

For you, on the other hand, things were going pretty decently. You didn’t have much to complain about; you just got a raise at work, all your old friends were back in town, things were going pretty well for you. So, it was a bit amusing for you to hear all of this happening. You missed him greatly, and you longed to see him, but you were thankfully distracted by the better things happening in your life. You were worried about your boyfriend, but it’s uncommon to hear him whine for you and you felt a bit a pride when he’d tell you about how much he and his dick missed you. So to add to your amusement, you’d send some inappropriate pictures along with detailed texts of how much you desired him. When you went out with your friends, you would take a picture of yourself in a scandalous dress to rile him up a bit for the night, only to take that dress off after the image was sent, then change into something that you were a bit more comfortable in, (without him knowing of course). When Jimin was provoked in such a way, it always ended in ground-breaking sex. You still loved the fact that Jimin was a compassionate lover, it’s just that you didn’t see that dominant side of him very often and sometimes, you needed him to be a little bit rough.

Tonight was the first night that you would see Jimin after such a long time. There was a company dinner to celebrate the end of this chaos, and it was a perfect time to see you. Jimin liked to think of your presence as a gift to himself, for working himself to the bone. Both of you and him were giggling like children all day because it’s been so long and the two of you would finally fill the gnawing hole that’s been heavy on the two hearts. You wanted this night to be perfect, so you spent hours just picking and choosing the color scheme for your outfit deciding to go with a simple and sophisticated approach. Although you wanted Jimin to be the happiest tonight, you felt a throbbing need for something rough as the little devil on your shoulders convinced you to egg him on a bit. You decided to keep the egging to a slight minimum, and you went for the little black dress with a simple set of jewelry and light makeup that gave you a natural look. The dress did wonders to accentuate your curves, and you had an inkling that Jimin might go mad when he sees your outfit. It was perfect for setting off his mood, in the direction you prefer.

Jimin felt that it was crucial that he’d pick you up tonight. It was vital for him to have at least five minutes of alone time with you in the car before you two spent the next few hours with a garden of people he didn’t really care for; he’d probably only be focusing on you anyway. He was also hoping to convince you to let him sleep over for the night, already packing his things for the night because the answer will always be some form of “yes.” Jimin felt that spending these hours with you would melt away all the weight that’s been straining his body. He didn’t care if he was between your thighs or laying by your side, he just wanted to spend some time with you.

Jimin threw his overnight-bag in the backseat of his car and texted you a quick “on my way sweetheart” before rushing himself over to your apartment, almost running a few red-lights because he couldn’t wait any longer. He couldn’t stop smiling; he was excited to see his girl after so many weeks.

It was the same way with you after you got his text, you practically had a face tattoo of a smile. You rushed to the bathroom, looking at yourself in the mirror to make sure that you looked perfect. As you fixed yourself up in the few minutes you had left, memories of the times where Jimin left you breathless made you excited. Your cheeks became flushed with such crude thoughts led you to think of possible ideas to ensure your demise tonight.

You were pulled back to reality as you heard a knocking at your door. The excitement came back in seconds as you ran to the door and swung it open, to find Jimin looking at you with nothing but pure love. You were in awe by his choices for his appearance tonight. Jimin wore an all-black suit, without a tie, giving a bit of a casual feel. He wore a gold necklace, and he parted his hair so a bit of the center of his forehead being shown.

Both of you took a few seconds to accept the fact that both of you are together again before he quickly grabbed your arm so you’d fall into his arms. Jimin hugged you tightly, almost like he was afraid that if he let go, you would never come back. He buried his face into your neck, and you could feel him smiling.

“I’ve missed you so much” Jimin whispered softly into your neck, leading you to giggle as his breath tickled your skin.

“But I talked to you yesterday” You chuckled softly, thinking about the Facetime call that only lasted three minutes before Jimin started snoring.

“I fell asleep! How in the world does that count?” Jimin started to swing around, with you in his arms, “Did you not miss me? Not only a little bit?”

“Maybe, maybe not. It doesn’t matter because you’re always asleep when I try to talk to you anyway.” You say with a sassy tone before escaping his grasp to turn around and walk further into your apartment, looking to grab your purse.

“Y/N, baby please” Jimin whined as he followed behind you. You could already tell that there was a pout on his face by the tone of his voice. You found your purse, and you started to look through the bag, making sure that you had everything you needed. Before you realize it, Jimin was standing right in front of you, slightly stomping his feet. “Baby, I’m sorry for falling asleep all the time, but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore me.”

Looking at his upset face, you realize that you definitely can’t be bratty right now. He’s too damn cute, and you couldn’t resist it, not after such a long time. You smile at him, “You’re lucky that I have the biggest soft spot for you. I’ll forgive you this time.” But your last few words are meaningless because you’ll always forgive him for anything, leading you to let out a chuckle.

Your laugh was cut short when Jimin suddenly cups the apples of your cheeks, looking at you with appreciation. “Seriously though, I am sorry. You don’t understand how hard it’s been for me, not being able to talk to you. I’ve missed you more than anything.”

Jimin never failed to make you feel loved. There was never a time where you felt unappreciated and unwanted by him because he always did everything in his power to make sure that those thoughts would never cross your mind. Although there has been a lack of presence in the past few weeks, there were no worries that arrived in your mind because he still tried to talk to you, even if his sleepiness won most of the time.

“It’s okay, Jimin. I know that you’ve been busy, so it’s alright. I’ve missed you too.” You spoke softly.

“I love you, sweetheart,” Jimin whispered before pulling you forward to kiss your forehead. He let go of your cheeks, only to slide his hands into yours. He pulled you towards the door, “Now, l wanna get there early so I can sit in the car and shit on the idiots that we’re gonna be near tonight.”

You laughed as the both of you left your apartment and set route to the restaurant.

The car ride was filled with nothing but laughter and joy as you both exchange memories that occurred over the past few weeks. Both you and Jimin felt absolute elation; nothing was better than being in the company of someone you love. Soon, both of you were parked outside of the restaurant, shit-talking about the coworkers that made his life an absolute nightmare over the past couple of weeks. Irritation started to seep into Jimin’s bones as the anger over their actions came to mind. You notice Jimin’s change of tone, and you felt the need to calm the fire that was growing in his mind. You moved your hand to give a calming rub on his bicep, “You don’t have to worry about it now. The past is the past, and now you can focus on the success that’s gonna be rolling your way.”

Jimin looked to your smiling face, but his eyes slowly followed the length of your dress, his pupils dilating in mixed emotions over how noticeable your legs were in the dress. Suddenly, his mind went through to all the frustration he felt with you during your absence; seeing you in such revealing attire, hearing about how much you need him, all the subtle teasing that you’ve been pulling over the past few weeks that would always leave him with an erection. All emotions came racing back to his mind and his cock, making him feel nothing but tense again. The current state of your naked legs started to tease him a bit, Why is she wearing that dress right now? To fucking spite me? God, in the very moment, he just wanted to fucking explode.

His ring-covered hand went straight for your thigh, squeezing the soft skin in a vice-grip. Your eyes went straight to his hand as you gasped at the cold feeling of his rings. You look up to Jimin’s face, only to find the irises of his eyes slowly disappearing to black, mixed with lust and vexation.

His voice comes out low when he initially speaks, “Y/N, that dress--” Jimin takes a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves from thinking illogically. It’s just a dress. There’s nothing to it. She isn’t trying to pull anything with me. “It looks stunning on you” Jimin plants a smile on his face as he squeezes his grip on your thigh a bit harder, leaving an imprint of his rings. Momentarily, he decided that your teasing would be a topic of discussion for later that evening, it would be such bad timing to discuss something like that right now.

Although you were taken back by the quick change in emotions that you just witnessed, it still didn’t stop your stomach from doing flips from his compliment, knowing that it’s genuine. But what lingered in your mind was the reason for the sudden emotional changes, reasons that you already knew. You could see the tension in his jaw as a vein comes to the surface of his neck, which just sent electricity straight downward. You spoke, “Thank you, Jimin.” It seems as if your plan is working, you had a reassuring thought about how the subtle hints work the best. All you wanted was for him to take you in the car at that moment, you didn’t necessarily want to wait any longer.

There were a few moments of silence before Jimin’s phone buzzed. He pulled his phone out to see one of his favorite colleagues texting him.

[6:03 pm] Kim Taehyung: I know you don’t want to be here, but that doesn’t mean you and Y/N can avoid the dinner by sitting in the car until it’s over.

Confused by Taehyung’s knowledge of his location, Jimin looked up from his phone and searched from outside the window, only to find that his colleague leaning against the car parked right next to him. Jimin got out of the car to greet him, “Thank god that you and Y/N at least here with me to get through this.”

Taehyung chuckled and gave Jimin a quick side hug, “I honestly don’t know how you and I got through this past quarter. I can’t wait to sit with you and see what you do as a consequence for everyone.”

Taehyung was the CFO of the company, but also a life-saver for Jimin for the past few years. Jimin and Taehyung had been very close friends since college, and it’s been an absolute relief for Jimin to have him in the company. Taehyung took more of an emphasis on finance rather than sales, unlike Jimin; which was helpful since there was no competition in success or jealousy in career advances between them. Either way, Taehyung, and Jimin climbing up the career ladder together, eventually landing executive positions in the same corporation.

You got out of the car as well and walk over to the two boys with a smile on your face. You were happy to see Taehyung. “Taehyung! How have you been? It’s been so long!” You gave him a quick hug, and as you let go, you notice Taehyung’s lingering gaze on your legs as he takes hold on both of your hands.

“I’ve been good, Y/N! I don’t think I need to ask you how you’ve been doing since you look lovely tonight.” Taehyung smiles with a toothy grin before letting go of your hands and looking at Jimin, “You gotta be careful Jimin. You might have to keep an eye on Y/N because you don’t wanna lose a girl like her so easily.” Taehyung was always a flirty guy, but he never meant any harm, of course, he just liked to tease Jimin a bit.

Usually, Jimin would joke around about how Taehyung would never end up with anyone but his assistant, Jungkook, but right now, it was not the time for Taehyung to even glance at his girlfriend’s figure for any more seconds. Jimin needed to keep himself control, he needed to stay calm. Jimin joked with a little strain in his voice as you and him starting walking towards the restaurant, “I don’t need to keep an eye on her when you have googly eyes for your assistant. Which by the way, I know you’ve been fucking, I saw the way he looks at your ass.”

“Jungkook looks at everyone’s butt! I saw him looking at your butt the other day! Either way, he’s a man-child, and I’m nurturing him for the real world.” Taehyung raised his voice while running behind the both of you, trying to deny the truth that he’s been trying to hide from everyone.

“Yeah yeah yeah, whatever you say Tae,” You turn towards Taehyung and continued. “We’ll always love you. You don’t have to hide your love for him forever.” You chuckled as you watched Taehyung start yelling nonsense as to how he’s definitely not with Jungkook and how he definitely hasn’t seen him every night for the past three weeks.

Jimin felt a bit of relief when he heard Taehyung’s babbling and your various sayings of “it’s okay, don’t worry.” I’ll be okay. Things will be fine. He reassured himself before all the three of you entered the restaurant and started to greet coworkers.

Dinner was not fine, and things were not okay. For some fucking reason, all male eyes of Jimin’s coworkers were staring at your chest throughout the evening. Jimin swore that he saw his coworker wipe the drool off his chin from staring too long. Not only that, some damn waiter named Hoseok even started fucking flirting with you, right in front of Jimin. It seemed like every male-body who was in your presence eye-fucked you, even with Jimin’s eyes sending fire to anyone who looked lustfully towards your body. Jimin wanted to spank your ass and fuck you on the goddamn dinner table every passing moment, to show everything that you belong to him and only him.

For you, on the other hand, your plan was going smoothly. You noticed the slow transition of Jimin’s mind from neutral to sour. You saw him sending fiery stares straight ahead, losing himself in the flames of his imagination, and you couldn’t help but cheer happily in your mind. But obviously, you couldn’t display your joy to the world. You saw that he barely took a bite of his entree and you decided to act the part as the caring girlfriend for the time being. “Hey honey, is everything okay? You haven’t touched your food.”

Jimin took a deep breath before turning to you, wanting to answer your question with kindness, “Um, yeah baby. It’s alright. I’m just not that hungry right now.” He pulled a quick smile for you before moving his fiery eyes to his plate, slowing moving to eat his food on his plate.

You knew he needed a push, a slight nudge towards the fall that you so desperately needed to feel all over your body. So you decided to start a conversation with Taehyung. It seemed that the boy had a bit too much to drink and you knew that Taehyung is a lot more flirty when he’s tipsy. You spoke with a bit of prep in your voice to the buzzed man across from you, “How are you feeling tonight, Tae? It looks like you’re having a good time.”

Taehyung turned to you with a grin on his face and started to laugh, “Y/N, I always have a good time with you around.” He leaned in and continued to spoke, “Did I tell you that you look lovely tonight?”

You giggle before answering his question, “Yes you did, Tae. You don’t remember?” You reciprocated his actions and moved towards him, so it looks like you’re only focused on him.

“Well, scratch that, because you look fucking ravishing right now.” Taehyung’s baritone voice seemingly got lower than you expected.

“Taehyung!” You started to giggle, even more, exaggerating your actions, “You don’t mean that”

Taehyung leaned in even closer, “Oh darling,” His eyes looking at your body, leaving his eyes to stalk your chest. “I mean every word I’ll ever say to you.” His voice was husky, and it just leaks with danger. This is precisely what you needed. This is the push that Jimin needed.

And you were right because Jimin was fucking boiling with sheer anger. Taehyung called you “ravishing,” he fucking leaned into you, like you didn’t belong to him. And you were just sitting there, taking it. Not even acknowledging the fact that your boyfriend was sitting right next to you, watching the entire thing. Maybe you were doing this on purpose. Perhaps you actually have been fucking with him for the past few weeks. Either way, the only thing that mattered to Jimin is to show that you fucking belong to him.

Once again, you jumped in your seat as the coolness of Jimin’s rings touch gripped your thigh. You felt him squeeze your skin before his thumb starts rubbing gentle circles. You turned to him, and his eyes were trained entirely ahead, engaging a conversation with one of his coworkers. You leaned back into your seat, heavily distracted by the distance between his hand and your clothed core. You took a deep breath to relax before continuing your conversation with Taehyung, but how can you focus when his hand is subtly teasing you under the table?

“Tae, I think you’ve had a bit too much to drink.” You spoke as your mind tried to force on the man ahead of you. But unfortunately for you, Jimin knew what you were doing so his hand decided to follow the direction of your body, sliding underneath your dress. He squeezed again, leading you to squirm slightly in your seat. You tried so hard to listen to Taehyung ramble on about how sober he is, but it felt like there was barely any oxygen in the room at the moment. You started to lean forward again, to look like you’re interested in what he has to say but as soon as you began to move, Jimin’s hand moved to your core, lightly rubbing you through your panties. You yelped in surprise, causing all eyes to move towards you.

“Baby, are you okay?” Jimin sounded so sincere, but he already knew your answer. He started rubbing you a bit harder, causing you to squirm even more in your seat. Your breaths started to shake as you realized how mortifying this situation was; everyone was staring while your boyfriend rubbed your clit in a public restaurant. But somehow, you felt exhilarated at such a display, leading to the coil to tighten in your stomach.

“Yeah, I’m f-fine.” You needed to keep your responses to a minimum. You couldn’t let anyone know the truth behind your dishonest words. You’re not fine. You’re fucking fantastic because Jimin has finally touched you, something you’ve been waiting for a long time.

“Are you sure? You sound a bit anxious.”  Jimin’s fingers moved your panties to the side. His middle finger slipped inside your folds, teasing your hole.

You knew if you opened your mouth, you would start whimpering, so you nodded your head towards Jimin and threw a weary smile on your face. You looked around to find that the eyes of his coworkers were off of you now. Jimin leaned in closer to your ear and spoke, “Baby, you better fucking speak up right now, or I wouldn’t touch you for another month.”

All you wanted to do is whine and let Jimin do sinful acts to your body, but you knew that this side of Jimin wouldn’t be tame unless you listen to his words. “Yes, I’m okay Jimin.” You whispered softly.

You heard Jimin sigh, and it sounded like he was frustrated with your answer. He impulsively pushed his middle finger inside, pumping it at a slow pace. Jimin moved again to your ear, “That’s not my name tonight. Tell me, baby, what’s my name?”

His fingers were going agonizingly slow, but since your body has been so unsatisfied for the past few weeks, the pressure seemed to double. You could barely answer his question without focusing on the sharp sparks that coursing throughout your body. You don’t call Jimin anything else besides loving pet names and his actual name. What could he possibly be asking for?

Before you could think about it any further, Jimin added another finger inside you. A small mewl crawled from your mouth as you leaned towards Jimin, hiding your face in his shoulder. “I-I don’t know.” The build of your impending orgasm was growing faster, leaving your body to be shaking by his side. You were trying so hard, but it’s just so hard when everything is turning you on.

Jimin curled his two fingers to your g-spot, leading you to whine into his dress shirt. Jimin chuckled, happy to see you withering for him so quickly. His voice was stern when he started whispering again, “It seems like you’ve been missing Daddy’s fingers, huh?”

Daddy? He’s never called himself that before. Jimin has never brought that kink up but how does it matter now when he sounds so fucking hot talking to you like that? His fingers start moving faster, and your legs start shaking. He’s curling his fingers with each thrust, and the burning-pleasure is leaving your mind blank. You gotta warn him of how your end is almost near, “D-Daddy, I’m close.”

“Awh baby, you’re close? You like it when Daddy finger-fucks you under the dinner table, with everyone around us?” His words are only bringing you closer to your end, and you were struggling to keep your composure.

“Y-Yes, Daddy” Your voice was shaking, and you look up to Jimin, only to see his eyes filled with nothing but black lust.

“Of course you do. How can you not? A slut like you love everything that’s done to them. Do you even know how dirty you are?” Such a name should irritate you but god, it was sending arousal to your core, and you find yourself whining for him.

My eyes immediately shut in pure paradise, and you started to squirm again when Jimin’s thumb landed back on your naked clit. Jimin’s lips glaze your ear, “Cum for me, right now.”

His tone of voice was deep and stern, which led you to lose control. Your hands quickly covered your face in order to conceal the moans that escaped your mouth as your orgasm sweeps through your body. Jimin continues to rub your swollen nub as you ride it out. You were trying to catch your breath as your face turned away from your hands to Jimin, only to find him smirking.

Suddenly, Jimin grabbed your hands and stood up from his seat, bring you up with him. “I apologize everyone, but it seems that Y/N isn’t feeling too well right now, so I think it’s time for us to take our leave. Y/N wants to stay, but I wouldn’t feel good if we did stay. I’ll see you all at work on Monday.” Jimin waved goodbye to his coworkers while you kept your head down, playing up the “sick” act correctly. You waved to everyone as well as both of you started walking towards the car.  As soon as both of you were outside of the restaurant, Jimin wrapped his arm around your waist, squeezed your ass, and let his hand rest at your hip. As you both walked to the car, you looked up to him. You could see that he was relieved to be done with that dinner and happy to go home with you. Both of you got to the car, and before Jimin could unlock the car, he interrupted by the sight of Taehyung running towards you.

“Y/N!” Taehyung stopped right in front of you and grabbed your hand, whipping you out of Jimin’s hands and in his direction. “Why didn’t you tell me that you weren’t feeling well?” Taehyung murmured as he looked at your small hand in his large one.

“Oh, I didn’t want to worry you, or anyone.” You took your hand out of his and waved it in front of him for reassurance. “Don’t worry about it! I just need some sleep.” You smiled at him, and he leaned in closer to you, like at the dining table.

Taehyung grabbed your hand again, rubbing circles on the back of it before looking up to you. “Call me when you get home, alright? I wanna know that you’re okay.”

You were happy to have a friend like him in your friend, and your smile got brighter at that thought. “Of course! I’ll see you soon.”

The flirty side of him came back as he kissed the back of your hand before letting it go. “I’ll see you soon darling.” Taehyung had a goofy grin again and looked to Jimin, “I’ll see you on Monday man, don’t let your girl get sick or I’ll help her out instead.” He winked at you, and he started to laugh as he began to walk away.

Although you thought this was funny, Jimin did not at all. You only realize this when you saw the several veins in his neck pushing up to his skin. “I’ll see ya later.” He spoke through gritted teeth. You saw his fists tighten so hard that you felt he might actually break his bones. In the years that you’ve been dating Jimin, you’ve never seen him so angry. He unlocked the car and walked over to the passenger side, opening the door for you. He realized that you were frozen in place, so he started to speak in the sweetest tone he can muster up with the anger running through his veins, “Y/N, get in the fucking car right now, or things will get worse.”

You practically bolted to the car seat, and you felt the car shake as Jimin slammed your door shut. He walked over to the driver’s side and sat in the car. He repeated his actions, and he harshly closes his door before putting his hands on the wheel. He exhaled deeply and turned to you, “Tonight, you’re gonna listen to every word I say. Do you understand, sweetheart?” You nodded your head to him, analyzing the strain in his voice. He was frustrated, and you honestly did not expect this level of dominance. “Good girl.” He responded before turning on the car.

You look down to your hands, thinking about what could happen tonight and all the things Jimin might do to you. “Are we going home?” You asked politely, wanting to alleviate his irritation.

Your question had the opposite effect, causing his veins to strain more. His jaw clenched, and he slowly turned to you at a menacing pace, “Baby, did I say that you could talk?” You were about to open your mouth, but Jimin continued, “I don’t wanna hear another word out of your mouth. Got it?” You nodded your head and returned to the position that you were in previously. Jimin’s hand lingered on your thigh and squeezed it to get your attention. “Tell me a safeword.”

A safeword? There were a few moments of silence before you thought of a sinister idea. You thought to yourself, He was already angry, why not triggering him more? You had a sense of where this night will lead to, and you were happy with the results. But a part of you wanted to tease him a bit more.

Jimin spoke once more, “Have you thought of it yet? Tell me.”

You muster up all the confidence you had, and you began, “Yes I did. The safeword is Taehyung.”

You thought that Jimin was angry before, but you were fucked now. You could feel the tension in the air.

His nails dig into your thighs, close to breaking the skin. You could see the stream coming out nostrils as he looked at you with nothing but depravity. You swore that he growled when he spoke, “Okay.”

You were screwed for tonight, but in every perfect way, right?

[angrylizardjacket]

ask your destiny to dance [17] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

It takes Roger exactly two weeks to realise he doesn’t know Ash nearly as well as he thought he did. There’s a lot to glean about a person from their room, and what they say, but not everything, not even close to everything.

“So I guess you’re working tomorrow?” Roger asks, leaning against the bar as Ash polishes a glass. It comes as a surprise when she makes a face, shaking her head. “We’re going on a pub crawl, if you wanna come along then.” 

Ash takes her time before answering, hanging up the glass and pulling another from the rack before she finally speaks.

“I can’t, I’m busy, sorry.” And she sounds... uncomfortable about it. Roger’s never known her to be uncomfortable about anything that didn’t relate to her home life, and she can see the moment he jumps to that conclusion. “I’m going to Paris in the afternoon,” she says quickly, and Roger’s taken aback, “I don’t get home until late; train times, you know?” 

“A day trip to Paris?” He asks, and Maureen leans over to Ash with a small smile.

“Is that where you go on those Saturdays? That’s cute, Ash, little routine trips to France.” She flicks Ash with the end of her tea towel, to which Ash smiles despite herself, blushing and flicking Maureen back.

“Oi, I’m just going to Paris, nothing cute about it. I’m allowed to have hobbies, you know.” She argued back, and Maureen snickered, smiling fondly at the ginger before she tucked her tea towel into her back pocket and went back to cutting lime wedges. “I’m going to The Louvre.” Ash explained to Roger, cheeks still faintly pink.

“The Louvre?” There was a surprise in his voice that Ash had expected, and when she looks up at him, she still seems a bit defensive.

“There’s free entry once per month; first Saturday at six.” She pauses, and when his expression brightens, hers falls and she feels like she’s said too much.

“Do you go every month?” He sounds delighted at the prospect, and Ash wants to defend herself, but then he says, “you shouldn’t be catching the train so late, it’s dark even at six, love, you must get home at like midnight; just let me drive you.”

“Rog, you don’t need to do that,” but her grin is more relieved than anything else, the tension leaving her shoulders as she goes back to her work, “you guys are going out tomorrow, and besides, it’s not like I’ve never done it before.” 

“I can get on the piss with them any time; this only happens once a month.” And the way his words make Ash smile, quietly pleased, he’s already pretty sure it’s going to be worth it.

Things between them have been... weird. Good weird, sure, but that doesn’t make them less weird. They haven’t really had time for an actual date yet, they just sort of show up at each other’s homes and watch TV and make out whenever they don’t have work or rehearsals of a night. It’s been good, it’s felt safe. 

When Ash sits on the curb outside of her dorm, she feels nervous more than anything else. It’s not a feeling she’s used to; she’s never been nervous around Roger before; it takes her probably too long to realise how much she wants this to go well. When he shows up, just after midday, he’s beaming from the second hand station wagon that he’d gotten since recording the album. There’s a map in the passenger seat.

“I’ve driven there before, but not for a while, you’re going to have to direct me.” He advises as she buckles her seat belt, putting her sketchbook and thermos by her feet and unfolding the map.

It’s a long drive, just over five hours, and Ash is nervous for about three of them, which is only compounded by getting lost twice, and eventually Roger pulls over.

“You’ve been tense since I showed up; what’s wrong?” He asks, and Ash sighs heavily, picking up her thermos and pouring herself a small cup of tea.

“I don’t exactly go blabbing about the fact that I make semi-frequent trips to Paris, alright?” Ash admits, and she takes a sip of her drink, looking out through the windshield. Roger’s not sure what that means, how to respond, and after a minute, she adds, “Freddie doesn’t even really know.” And she finishes the tea, putting the thermos back, and Roger’s still quiet. When she finally looks at him, his expression is fondly amused.

“You’ve made me feel all special.” It’s far too genuine to be a joke, and Ash lets herself smile back, rolling her eyes at him.

“Don’t let it go to your head.” She warned, and Roger’s smile sharpened as he pulled back onto the road.

“Too late.” But he reaches over to rest his hand on her knee as she opens the map up again, and her heart grows warm, her anxiety easing. They turn up the radio for the rest of the trip; Ash hums along to the songs she only knows the tune of without too much hassle, yet somehow can’t seem to actually sing a note to save her life. She finishes butchering Elton’s Crocodile Rock at the top of her lungs, and Roger’s sides hurt from laughing, and she’s grinning in a way that means she knows exactly how terrible she is and how much it amuses Roger.

“I have other skills.” She says dismissively, grinning with her nose in the air as the radio host announces another song, and instead of answering, Roger sings along to the radio like he’d written the melody himself. “Showoff.” Ash laughed, and Roger’s eyes crease as he grins.

“I don’t have other skills, I gotta make use of this one.” He replied, lightly, and Ash’s expression softened.

“Oh shut it, you’ve got at least two other skills, probably.” She played along with his joke, watching him as he sings along to the rock song blaring from the radio, and it’s relaxed and easy, and she finds herself wondering why she’d been so worried just a few hours before. 

They hit Paris at a quarter to six, and grab some fast food before heading to the gallery. There’s people everywhere, and the line isn’t exactly short to get in, more than a few of them are uni students like them, looking to get in for free, and Ash says hi to a few; the fact that she goes here enough to know other people who do this regularly to is still something that baffles Roger a little. He’s worried she’s getting nervous again when she takes his hand - they’re not the sort of people who hold hands - but when he looks at her, her eyes are shinning and bright as she looks up at the building; she’s excited. 

Ash goes quiet in the gallery, looking around with wide-eyed reverence at the works around them. They move past the entrance slowly; Ash gazes at the works with their plaques memorised, while Roger reads them, fingers laced with hers. 

“Oh, hello.” Voice reverential, Ash greets a statue at the end of the hall like an old friend, and introduces Roger as such. “This is the Venus de Milo, she’s almost two thousand years old, god, look at that marble work, imagine how sharp it would have looked back then,” and then it’s like she’s opened a floodgate, and she’s tugging him along, rambling along the way about each piece they pass, little facts not on the plaques, things she can cite from the top of her head. Above everything, she’s passionate, pulling out of his grip to clutch her hands to her chest and looking up at headless sculpture of what Roger thinks is an angel, and what Ash clarifies to be The Winged Victory of Samothrace.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Ash’s moon-eyed gaze was focused on the statue’s marble garments, but Roger’s only got eyes for her. When he doesn’t answer, she looks to him, catches the way he’s smiling at her, and she feels her cheeks heat up. “What?”

“You really love this stuff, don’t you?” It’s a sincere question, and it’s as if he can see her responses flit through her mind, sarcastic, dismissive, an eye roll, flippant, she passes them all, takes a moment to really look at him, taking her time to breathe in the whole situation before responding.

“More than anything.” It’s a sincere answer, and it catches him off-guard. Ash is many things, but unapologetically enthusiastic is not one Roger’s familiar with.

Turning on her heel, Ash leads further in to the gallery, but it’s finally hits him how much this means to her, this place, these works, bringing him here. They’d been together for barely a fortnight, but they both know it’s felt so much longer than that; she’d taken a gamble, bringing him, he has no doubt she’d have left him in London if she didn’t want him to come along, and something tightens in his chest. 

He doesn’t dwell on it, he takes it in stride well enough, peppering her with questions along the way that she seems thrilled to answer. Tucking her arm into his, they make their way through the building, the babbling turning to banter easily as Roger provides his own commentary on each piece as they pass, which serves to make Ash laugh.

They get to a small painting on the top floor with a border that looks bigger than the picture itself, and Ash has gotten quiet again. 

“Who’s this?” Roger asks, the two of them stepping close to get a closer look.

“The Lacemaker.” Ash sounds a little awed, and when he looks down at her, Roger sees how fondly she’s smiling at the little painting. “She’s my favourite.” 

“’course she is, she’s like you.” Roger answers easily, and Ash makes a face, laughing a little self consciously.

“No she’s not, shut up.” She doesn’t sound like she believes him, a bit of a laugh in her words, but she’s resting her head against Roger’s shoulder and he wraps an arm around her.

“Same focus.” Roger muses, and when Ash looks to him, surprise and confusion on her face, he just grins. “When you sew, you’ve got the same look on your face, same focus.” He explains, and there’s something in Ash’s awed expression that he can’t place, and she pulls away from him too fast for him to really identify it.

She’s pretty sure she loves him.

It’s fucking terrifying.

She can’t look at him, stepping out of his grip as she feels tears well in her eyes as her emotions overwhelm her, not that it’s an uncommon occurrence, Ash has never set foot in an art gallery and not cried, but Roger didn’t need to know that. She’d really been doing well today, too. Usually she gets lost in the scope and detail of The Wedding at Cana, or even comes to obsess over the little details of The Lacemaker, but she’s also usually alone and can get away with it. 

“That’s- Rog, that’s really sweet of you to say.” And he can hear in her voice that she’s trying not to believe him, that she can’t let herself believe him. And when she turns back, she’s wiping at her eyes, and he wants to try and comfort her, but she’s already walking past him briskly, leading to the next painting.

“There’s something I’ve... well, I’ve always wanted to try here.” He hears her say, voice firm as if she’s trying to move quickly past whatever the moment she’d just had was. She leads not to the painting, but to one of the weirdly low, backless sofas that are scattered around for people to view the paintings from. This one’s empty; Ash looks around for security, and seeing none, steps up onto it. 

“And what’s that?” He asks with a smirk, the sofa giving her only about two inches of height on him. He doesn’t ask why she’d almost started crying, and for that she’s thankful. Instead, his hands come to rest on her hips, and he’s smiling at her in that way that sets her heart aflutter.

“Don’t ruin this.” She warns very quietly, amused smile on her lips, and Roger quirks an eyebrow.

“Ruin what?” He asks, shooting for innocent, a million different things running through his mind that could make her smile, but would definitely ruin the moment; he bites his tongue. 

Ash cups his face in her hands, and she can’t help but laugh as she leans in to kiss him. It starts sweet and tender, her lips soft against his, but he wraps his arms around her, pulling her close and deepening the kiss. There’s people moving around them, most ignoring them, some stare, but neither of them seem to care. She tastes mostly like the tea she’d sculled in the car when they’d arrived, and she’s got a hand in his hair when he presses kisses from her jaw, trailing down her neck, and she laughs, a little giddy. He pulls back, if only to see her bright eyed and blushing. 

“Let’s go home.” She says softly, and Roger’s never agreed to something so quickly, his heart elated to see Ash giggling and mischievous as they backtrack through the gallery, knowing that he and the art were the things that made her smile like that. 

“I didn’t ruin it.” He sounds a little smug when he says it as they walk through the streets of Paris back to his car, and Ash glances at him out of the corner of her eye, snorting.

“I could see you holding yourself back from a one-liner about pinning masterpieces to walls or something like that; I appreciate your discretion.” She tells him, deadpan, and Roger gives her a self-satisfied grin.

“It certainly wasn’t easy.” He agrees, but she still reaches out and takes his hand. When they get to his car, he goes to head around to the driver’s side, but she pulls him back for a moment, pressing a kiss to his lips. After a moment, he’s got a hand on her hips, pressing her against the side of the car, and she sighs against his lips, her arms around his neck. Her legs slide open easily as she pulls him closer, letting him slide a knee between her thighs.

“Christ,” Roger breaks away from the kiss, murmuring the word against her neck as her nails graze his scalp.

“Thank you for today.” She whispers softly, and he can hear the smile in her words. He presses a kiss to her shoulder.

“Any time, love.” He steps back from her, enough to see her fond smile, and to give one in return, before he heads around to the driver’s side and they both get in the car.

It’s well past midnight by the time they get back, and Ash follows Roger up to his flat with a yawn, flinching as the door opens and Brian, Freddie, and John all greet them with a cheer, obviously taking a pit stop in the middle of their pub crawl.

“I was starting to sober up; the walk between the last pub and the next is directly smack bang in the middle of here.” Freddie claims with a surprising amount of confidence considering his words make no sense.

“No- this place is on the way to the next pub.” John corrects, and Ash has to giggle at the sight and sound of a drunk John Deacon. It never fails to amuse her, he’s surprisingly confident and well spoken.

“Yes! Deaky is right! You two can join us!” Freddie brandishes and subsequently spills on Brian, who’s sitting beside him.

“Go if you want, I’m knackered.” Ash yawns, giving Roger’s shoulder a nudge, moving past him to his room.

“Actually, I think I’m right, I’ve been driving for a while,” Roger says, making to follow Ash, only to hear Freddie boo loudly, and John call out after them.

“Where’d you guys go?” He asks, and Roger answers over his shoulder.

“Art gallery.” He answers, and he hears Ash snort from his bedroom.

“That’s... Rog, that’s surprisingly cute, didn’t know you had it in you.” Brian smiles at him, and Roger feels a little patronised by the pride in his flatmate’s voice. He flips Brian off, along with the rest of them, since John was grinning like the cat who got the cream and Freddie looked like he was three seconds away from actually ‘awe’ing. 

“Did you kids have fun?” Freddie calls, sounding nothing so much like his own mother, wearing a shiteating grin, which only got wider as Roger told him to piss off, slamming the door once he got into his room. 

Ash was standing by his bed, pulling off the shorts she’d been wearing all day, already wearing one of his shirts. Roger can hear the others on the other side of the door already laughing and talking about something else, all three of them trying to convince themselves to get up and move on to the next pub. She gives him an amused smile and Roger just rolls his eyes at his friends’ whole situation.

They don’t speak, though Ash’s yawn triggers one in Roger, and when he’s stripped down to his boxers, she’s waiting for him beneath the covers. When he kisses her, it’s a thank you for the day, and she hums a soft, contented noise against his lips. They’re too tired to even fool around, and Ash wraps her arm around him as he turns to lay on his side, pressing her chest to his back, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade before they fall asleep.

the ususal suspects: @deakydickfanpage @hollyissuchahoe @laueecakee @smittyjaws @crystalshines2909 @i-am-sarah @legendsaresooftenwarnings @2ptonpt @benhardy24-7 @maiilovely @mickey-yr-a-goner @butter-times @heyyouitskay @tired-eyes-fairy-lights @yepimthatperson @missieluvsmurder @ironqueen98 @ceruleanrainblues @banhbao329 @fantasticchaoticwho @ko-kitty @seven-seas-of-hi @mimisfangirlfantasy @aadjuric @rogmobile @cardybenhardy @snacfu @perriwiinkle @the-strange-fan-girl @finite-incantatem-7 @tapetayloe @florencewelchismybiggod

[sn0tcl0wn]

also when i say these men hover i mean they deadass stand there lurkin around my register waiting for the line to let up so they can talk to me and will often go as far as interrupt those few free moments i use to read or watch hockey when it's on. and i will be nice to them and talk with them sometimes but there have been timese these past couple weeks where i realized i can literally tune them out and ignore them with "uh-huh" and "oh wow" as my only responses and they will. not. notice. they just keep going until the line picks up again or they personally need to do do their own jobs. which yugioh guy will skip out on so he can talk to the back of my head about shit i explicitly expressed disinterested in or even mansplaining shit that i already watched or played. and like they both stand there lore dumping about shit ive already said i know about. like the older dude tried going on about doctor who like ive never watched it after i already quoted the show SEVERAL times in convetsations and told him i saw TWO christmas specials in theaters when they had events at the mall when i was in my teens. and they dont just info dump. no. they will straight up repeat shit back to me that i already said in different words, presumably to feel like they taught me something or contributed somehow. the older one also likes to try and tell me about how it was "back in the day" after i personally bring up and joke about shit like dial up and bigass cellphones. he also tried to tell me about dune after i stated i had a dune phase in my teens where i absorbed pretty much every piece of dune media i could get my hands on. like i know WAAAAY too much about dune (and dw and earthsea and many more nerdy series he's done this with), the fact that i lowkey forgot a lot of it is solely because i've been in over a hundred fandoms since then and human consciousness can only contain so much surface level information before unneeded info gets pushed down into the rescesses. if i wanted to remember it i would still have all my books and games and the movie and mini series in my possession and would have watched the new adaptation when it was in theaters but i have hbo max and i skip past that shit to watch cartoons and gay pirates and a show about dirty magazines every goddamn day. the same goes for literally any marvel property. i will get to it when i get to it but until then me not knowing or remembering shit comes solely from the fact that i dont care and the way dudes will go on about it after i say im not super into it or have literally no interest whatsoever is killing any chances of me watching it until they finally shut the fuck up.

some men want so badly to believe their crush knows literally nothing and needs to have everything explained to them in painstaking detal, even after it's clear that person is deeply familiar with the topic. these same men, funnily enough, tend to be the ones who think "nerd girls" are a rare breed. it's almost like people dont wanna talk to know it alls who alienate fellow fans solely on the basis of having a crush or being overly excited to have a pretty girl to talk to about it as opposed to their fellow awkward dork guys. funny how that works.

[jacobburnett]

my first taylor swift show(s) ever

yall i didnt know if i should post about this or anything because im kind of superstitious and i feel like any time i make plans they fall through...but im just too excited not to get on here and brag. before i even start, i realize there are people out there that get many more opportunities to see taylor play and have done so over taylors entire career. i was kind of a late bloomer to taylor swift but i am totally in it right now and im poor anyway so if it werent for the gracious people i have been blessed with then i wouldnt be able to see her at all. im very thankful for the opportunities presented to me and i hope plans come through.

anyway, i was originally not going to be able to go to any of taylor swifts reputation tour dates. i was a part of taylortix and tried my best to get all of the boosts i could while available but in the end i simply didnt make it in time, largely in part to money. i wanted to be greedy and buy tickets for all events coming to without a few hours of where i live, and im actually still kind of that way, but it didnt work out at first. i live in birmingham, alabama and the closest events coming my way were going to be atlanta on august 10th and 11th, nashville on august 25th, and then finally september 22nd in new orleans. just under a year ago i was totally jazzed for the new record and the release of all the tour dates and stuff and desperate to have the chance to finally see tay.

then it came to pass that i would lose my job in january, and i had probably missed out on getting good seats for whatever shows i would want to visit closest to me anyway. im a real brat and have always wanted an up close and personal view for something as major as this, being that as ive really only attended small-to-medium sized shows. ive always gotten what ive wanted in some way when it comes to entertainment. the best show ive ever seen live was sigur ros at the BJCC and there was barely anyone there (honestly i felt bad for sigur ros) but afterwards they ended up coming to a hometown bar and even DJing music and having drinks with fans and stuff. that was so the shit and i always wondered what could top it. this, of course, was before i was a fan of taylor swift and had even thought of attending any of her massive, sometimes sold-out stadium shows. that sort of thing never appealed to me, but people obviously change.

so some time passes and one of my close friends, who lives in new orleans, purchased two tickets to her superdome show on september 22nd. he soon learned that his girlfriend didnt want to go...and since he is so gracious and such a good friend he offers me the ticket for free. FOR FREE. i freaked out upon his offer. of course i would go, was he crazy? ever since that day, i have been above this earth, eagerly waiting for that day, crazily scouring reddit and tumblr and any other social media source where someone else might be giving out a free or cheap ticket JUST to see if anyone else so gracious was out there. it turns out there are. i found a few opportunities but they were a little too far away from me to be realistic, and i even wrote a long and heartfelt email to one girl for my chance at her free ticket. unfortunately, nothing sincere came through, and although i was elated to be able to go see tay in september, i just wanted more. and then another opportunity arose. a reddit user was offering a free ticket for the atlanta show on august 11th. again i freaked out and quickly wrote them a message. to my surprise, no one else had been serious about wanting to go and i explained to them that i live very close and any other detail they might need. then they hit me with the seats, which is quite frankly extremely important, and once i saw where we were going to be sitting i lost my mind.

i will be sitting in section J on row 7 right there SO CLOSE to the stage! like seriously who gives away a free ticket for such good seats!? not to mention from one total stranger to another!?!

then i realized: these are taylor swift fans im dealing with. these are some of the best people i could ask for. these are people that are just as insane about tay as i am. these are genuine fanatics just like me. some people even take it to much greater lengths than i do but i know im a super fan. so unless plans fall through, i will be seeing you, miss tay, on august 11th in atlanta AND on september 22nd in new orleans! i have no clue what im going to be wearing or what im going to do other than freak out for the next two weeks but ~!~!~!~!~!~ words just cant describe. who knows? i might even get rep room or get to meet taylor in a pre-show meet & greet or something. it could happen.

[heshometome]

Distance means nothing when you’re in love

PAIRING: Taegi 

LENGTH: 1.7k

PROMPT(From anon): Do you think you could write a sort of angst with a happy ending Taegi where one has to move far away for a while and they try to maintain their relationship despite the distance.

Read it on AO3

A/N: This took me like 3 hours to write, its the longest piece of writing ive ever done omg im dead but im also really proud of it?! I hope you guys enjoy this! Please leave feedback, and also request something if youd like <3 

~

“We need to talk”

Those words sent Taehyungs mind into a frenzy. He looked up from his game, to see yoongi standing in front of him, looking like he was about to cry. “What’s wrong?” Taehyung says, confusion laced in his tone.

“You know how I was telling you about the job my dad was offered?” Yoongis voice cracks and it breaks Taehyung heart.

“You mean the one in America?”

“Yeah, he accepted it today. We’re moving.” That’s when yoongi snaps. He falls to the ground, tears cascading down his face. For a minute taehyung does nothing, he sits there in complete shock, but then regains his senses and crouches down to comfort his boyfriend. “Yoongi, don’t worry we will be fine I promise, we can make it work okay? We can.” Taehyung doesn’t know if it was really Yoongi he was convincing.

                                                              ~

It’s been 2 months since Yoongi moved, and Taehyung feels lonelier than ever. You see, he isn’t a very social person, Yoongi was really the only person he was comfortable around. He wishes that Yoongi didn’t have to move away, its slowly tearing them apart even though they refused to admit it. Taehyung jumps as his phone vibrates in his pocket,

[7:42 PM] Gigi <3: Tae, I’m sorry I haven’t had time to talk, school is killing me. I miss you, only 10 more months and I’ll be back

[7:43 PM] Tae <3: It’s okay, schools been killing me too. Have you been eating well? Sleeping? I’m counting down the days until you get back

[7:52 PM] Gigi <3: Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry about me. Do you want to video chat with me? I finally have some free time

[7:52 PM] Tae <3: of course! I’ll call you in 5 <3

They talk for an hour before Yoongi had to leave suddenly. He seemed a bit off to taehyung, but it could just be his mind making things up. They were fine, they would be okay until January, yoongi wouldn’t leave him, right?

                                                             ~

It’s been 6 months. Phone calls and video calls barely happened anymore, and if they did it was rushed small talk before yoongi had to leave after ten minutes. Taehyung was thinking the worst, that yoongi didn’t have time for him, for their relationship. Does he even love me anymore? In all honesty, it was taking a toll on taehyung, his appearance dull, no longer bright like it used to be. Everything that was once simple to do was now a chore, including getting up in the morning. This isn’t healthy taehyung thought to himself, he needed to end it before he got worse.

[12:26 PM] Tae <3: Yoongi, do you have time to talk?

[12:32 PM] Gigi <3: Yeah, what’s up tae?

[12:33 PM] Tae <3: I’m going to call you, it’ll be easier to talk.

“Hello?” yoongi says, nervously.

“Hey how are you? We haven’t talked in a while.” Taehyung is trying to stall the inevitable, but the shakiness in his voice is still obvious.

“I’m good, and I have some amazing news. I was going to wait to tell you, but I’m coming back for a week, I’ve missed you so much tae.” Taehyung was speechless. He’s coming back?

“W-when?” He stutters, still shocked by the news, original meaning for the phone call long forgotten.

“2 weeks and I’ll be landing back in Korea” Taehyung can hear yoongis excitement through the phone, making himself excited too.

“I’ll be counting down the days, I’ve missed you so much Yoongi” His eyes are welling up with tears, his emotions are all over the place.

“I’m sorry I have to go, I love you”

“I lov-“ Before taehyung had the chance to reply, he was cut off with the call ending. He’s coming back.

                                                             ~

It’s 2 days before Yoongi is coming back, and Taehyung can’t contain his excitement. He is quite literally bouncing off the walls, a smile permanently etched onto his face. People at school look at him funny, but he doesn’t care, all he cares about is the fact that yoongi is coming back. Taehyung marches to his classes, head held high when he gets a phone call.

“Yoongi? Why are you calling? Isn’t it night over there?” Taehyung questions, his smile turning into a frown.

“I got the dates mixed up for the trip. Turn around.” He can hear yoongis smirk through the phone, and taehyung is confused. Is he back already? His question is answered as he turns around, only to see his one and only before him.

“OH MY GOD YOURE ACTUALLY HERE!” Taehyung yells, running towards yoongi, not caring about all the stares and people whispering about him. He jumps into yoongis arms and hugs him tightly for what feels like hours, inhaling the scent of pine he missed so much.

“I missed you, I thought I’d surprise you.” yoongi whispers to him, not wanting to let taehyung go.

“This is one hell of a surprise.” his voice is cracking, the realisation that yoongi is here finally sinking in.

“Let’s go home?” taehyung asks, yoongi nods in reply. They walk hand in hand all the way to taehyungs house, continuously talking along the way.

“I met this really cool guy, his name is Hoseok, he is a dance major and let me tell you- he is amazing at it, oh! And there’s another guy named Namjoon who is top of the class. I thought he was going to be a stuck-up asshole since he’s so smart, but it turns out he’s just a big softie.” Yoongi continues his rambling about all the new people he’s met so far, and taehyung listens intently, hanging onto every word his boyfriend says.

“Should we make some food?” Taehyung asks during a pause in Yoongis talking.

“Yes please, I’m so hungry. The plane had terrible food I could hardly eat it.” Yoongi follows taehyung into the kitchen, where they start to prepare the meal together. The cooking took twice as long as it needed to, since most of the time they were making out against the counter. But at least it got done, right?

The two boys ended up entangled on the couch, laughing with each other and talking until the sun came up. Taehyung was happy, why did he even think about ending this?

The rest of the week consisted of spending every waking moment together. Taehyung wouldn’t have it any other way, but as the week was coming to an end, his thoughts were going out of control. As soon as he leaves he won’t talk to you. It’ll be just like it was before. He has no time for you. “Tae? What’s wrong?” Yoongi wipes the tears from his face. I’m crying?

“I don’t want it to be how it was. I want us to work when you’re gone. I can’t do this if you’re not going to talk to me yoongi” Taehyung spills his thoughts, making the tears flow faster. “I understand the time difference is hard, but could you put a little more effort in? It just felt like you had no time for me and I was having doubts about us and I ju- “

“Woah wait slow down tae” Yoongi interrupts taehyungs rambling, pulling him into a hug. “I’m sorry you felt like that, I’ll make time for you because you are one of the most important people in my life. I don’t want distance to come between us, so I will try my hardest to be there, okay?” Taehyungs breathing evens out as he calms down, he nods into yoongis chest.

                                                            ~

It’s been a month since the visit, and yoongi really is trying, taehyung notices it. Random texts are popping up on his phone about the little things yoongi is doing during his day, and it creates a warm feeling in taehyungs chest. He is happy that yoongi is making the effort that he originally wanted. Its relieving to know yoongi is thinking about him. Their phone calls are still scarce, but when they do happen they last for hours on end.

                                                            ~

There’s only a day left until yoongi comes home for good, and taehyung is once again bouncing off the walls from excitement. Now that yoongi has finished his studies, his father is going to let him come home to pursue his career, and both the boys couldn’t be happier. Taehyung gets barely any sleep that night, to busy thinking about how he can finally see his boyfriend in person.

                                                           ~

It’s the next morning, taehyung only managed to sleep for 2 hours before his alarm woke him up. Quickly taking a shower and putting on his newly bought outfit, he gets in the car to pick yoongi up from the airport.

The flight was delayed, for 3 hours.

It was boring sitting in the airport alone, phone battery declining quickly. Taehyung decided to get up and walk around for a bit, maybe get some coffee since he was nearly falling asleep on the seat. He was constantly watching the board for the flight arrival time, to see if yoongis flight had finally landed, even walking around the airport he was staring at it, which caused him to walk into many people, earning him dirty looks and annoyed comments.

The flight finally landed, and taehyung made his way to the front of the crowd, keeping his eye on the incoming travellers, looking out for the one person that mattered most. There he is, he’s taller than last time. Yoongi looked amazing, and he still hadn’t noticed taehyung, so he decided to run up and surprise yoongi. Barrelling through the crowd and making a complete scene, taehyung rushed up to yoongi and picked him up, twirling him around until the security told taehyung to tone it down.

“You’re finally home.” Taehyung smiled the widest he has since the last time he saw yoongi.

“I’m home, for good. I’ll never leave you for that long ever again, it was torture.” Yoongi smiled at his boyfriend, love displayed all over his features.

“Let’s go, I’m hungry.” Taehyung chuckled at this. But grasped yoongis hand anyway and lead him back to his car with a spring in his step. They are home.

A year may not seem like that long to many, but it’s hard when you’re used to being around that person every day. But if you’re strong, you love each other, and you can trust one another completely,

then you can withstand anything

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 8 | ”Being a muppet is a contagious disease. ” - Ali

omg so?! i need to do a proper long confessional and go through my thoughts because i just got like a tsunami of information but... jake lived?! and idoled out scott who i thought was gonna win?! hello?!? i'm so so so excited because now i get to work with jake and he is SUCH a shield, and me/him/autumn are gonna ride off into the sunset im manifesting it.

what the HELL is going on here first jake pulls out an idol (which i was JUST gossipping with jordan pines about him having it because i know just how he plays and would ya look at that!) i was so ELATED to read he did that, thinking ok, i gave him a fair warning those false beauties we're gonna get us all, and they voted him unanimously so surely he'll take one of them out and ... HE TAKES OUT SCOTT?? i dont even have time to process this bafoonery yet because here i am, minding my business, trying to watch micronesia to heal the hole in my heart left by w*nners at w*r, eating a piece of pizza and then BOOM we merge?? but oh ok! they said we get a nice little break, lemme not stress and go back to eating my piz- NOPE THERE IS SO SUCH THING AS A BREAK IN SURVIVOR GORL I SWEAR I PUT MY PHONE DOWN TO GET ONE BITE, I COULDNT EVEN ENJOY MY EXTRA CHEESE BECAUSE MY TELEPHONE IS BLOWING UPPPP people are spilling tea left and right, i probably dont even have time to write this so i gotta keep it short and sweet; the false beautys are really trying to slide in my pms and sing kumbaya and if they wanna sing with me, bring it on because they are not a songstress like i am, ill riff run and harmonize yall right off this island. PERIOD. ive been REALLY trying to play up this card where im just some dumb bitch, let everyone keep thinking im the mayor of boo boo the foolsville, but i know a lot more than i let on so catch the tea on that

i swear for it being our "day off" this sure has been the most work i feel like ive had in a hot minute first of all fuck the tomb but FUCK this pyramid even more the second it was announced i found the extra link to the slide puzzle on the blog within SECONDS but 1) i suck at slide puzzles and 2) MY COMPUTER CRASHED HALF WAY THROUGH IT SO I HAD TO START AGAIN. literally took me 2 hours to finish, so that was embarrassing, then much like how the tomb had questions, this pyramid has a hashi puzzle to solve in EIGHT MINUTES....which i dont even know what the fuck that is sorry to this hashi man i gave a good effort but didnt get it in time, so im gonna try again tomorrow of course but im sure someone who isnt a dumbass had better luck than me and got it so thats that on that ....also gorl some of these people aka kendall really got the audacity, she messages me today and is like IS JAKEY COMING TO YOU SAYING STUFF ABOUT ME TRYING TO PIT US AGAINST EACH OTHER oh gorl, if only you knew its ME going to jakey saying shit about YOU trying to get him against YOU, because your first mistake was trying to prepare an alliance to vote me out, your second mistake was running around telling everyone i have an idol, and your third mistake was making an enemy of jakey, now there's this angry jakey on the loose and im gonna just try to work my magic to tame him and keep him like a pet dragon on my side to get them out and then deal with whether i think ill be able to trust him going foward, but again, i know i voted him out last game so i cant rule out him trying to target me already, especially if somehow worst case scenerio people try to pick us off first for knowing each other also had a call with augusto which was.... interesting, look, i genuinely like him as a person even though i still feel some type of way about him turning fake on me, so i definitely want to maintain a friendship with him even if it's hard for me to just stomach talking to him because of how stupid he must think i am, keep your friends close but your frenemys closer!! then i just had a call with devon too which was also interesting because, i do like him as a person, but idk how to feel about it!!! after all of them lying to me in the beginning im already feeling PTSD and dont know if i can trust anyone, but he gave me some valuable information even more so just reaffirming them all thinking i have the idol which i know is a crock of bs because DAMMIT IVE TRIED I JUST DONT HAVE IT. I know amir has it, it's so obvious to me, maybe augusto?? but i think amir. apparently devon also just kinda said he think he could see the first vote coming down to me or jakey or even him which.......makes me really nervous, i wasnt planning on fighting for immunity at the auction i wouldve rather had an advantage of some sort, but i think with this cast, and the amount of intertwined relationships going into this first tribal, i want that immunity necklace and im gonna do my damndest to get it OKAYYY this game is going to drive me insane, i feel like ive been running my mouth TOO much and talking to too many people and am gonna get voted out for it but i also simultaneously feel like i havent talked to people no where near enough and, am gonna be voted out for it so ???buckle the fuck up ladies we've officially boarded the confusion express so im just gonna try and sit back and enjoy the ride ig

Welp we are on the bottom... shit. I'm going to be honest, this week has not been great for me. Like my real life is slowly going to shit and now my fake life has been screwed. Thanks Jakey... you dick. All is not lost, because out there in the distance is the iconic duo of Jordan Pines and Kendall Duffy AKA Sarah and Woo. You know, Sarah and Woo. That iconic duo in Cagayan. Remember that one time Sarah walked up to Woo and said "Sup I'm Sarah," and he nodded and said "Woo". And that other time they were sitting on the same log laughing at something Tony said? That is stuff of legends man. Okay so genuinely Jordan meant to say Tony and Woo but he accidentally said Sarah and Woo and now this is our legacy. The plan is to play it both ways. As this isn't going to be a simple Pangonging. Obviously a beauty is going to leave but before we all go, they are going to try to get rid of some of the brawns. The goal is that the beauty isn't me and the brawn isn't Jordan. I know you're legally not supposed to trust Jordan Pines but it's never really been the case for me? IDK maybe it's cause he always gets sniped before I betray him. Maybe it's cause the one time he voted me out it was cause I committed suicide by cop. But for the most part he's a realible ally. Also this would be a shitty and stupid lie right? Like he knows I don't have an idol, literally everyone knows that! Trying to get in my good graces is a terrible fucking idea, Jesus. Right now I'm just going to market myself and the others as a free vote. I know it's not realistic to get Augusto and Amir to the finals but it's all I really want. We've been through shit together. I don't want to be put in a position to get them out. I also believe that either Jakey and Ali has the idol. So this round I'm going to flush it. I'm not going to be able to get him out, I just need him to believe he's going to be voted out. He's a very paranoid individual, it shouldn't be too difficult.... I am not going home tonight. I refuse to. 

okay so i haven't done a good typed confessional in a WHILE and i have thoughts. so i'm basically really frustrated with a lot of this tribe and i don't know how to vocalise it. but first the positives.. the fact that i have an alliance of me/autumn/jake brings me such a rush of seretonin, i love them both and i will fight my hardest to get the three of us to the endgame of this game. i think rn my goal final five is me/jake/autumn/adam/devon, adam because i dont think he is playing this game as well as he necessarily thinks he is, but i also think we have trust and he is someone who is scoop-up-able? and then devon i get good energy from him and his straightforward energy i'd like to see in the endgame. the rest however.... whew. well actually Liam is fine, he is sweet and doing his best. of the rest tho... hmm. kendall's energy doesn't quite land with me, her dry sense of humour doesn't really work with me ha so i feel like we are gonna struggle to gel as allies (especially since we are either side of the weird brawn/beauty divide). augusto is very chatty but its a lot of chatting for... the sake of it, like his social game is to just overwhelm you with lots of messages but its nothing of substance. amir i actually like!! he has me-energy, i would actually like him to stick around (he is a good shield too). duncan i am still sus about from premerge, but i'd love to mend that bond because i might need duncan?! tj and jordan both give snake energy... tj is suddenly back to being non-commital with me and it frustrates me, i wish he would like... talk to me KJLSADF. jordan is the same i always get weird energy from him and he was in that weird alliance during the swap and didn't tell me... feel a f10 boot for jordan ideally. honestly its just frustrating i feel like everyone on this tribe is so cagey and like just thinks talking a lot is social game?! and its... not. but yeah ideally first four merge boots: kendall, augusto, tj & jordan (tho the last two is open to consideration if they stop being shady to me KJSDFA).

I just got immunity in the auction and I feel like I wasted a chance to get some long term for my game. Because I wasn't going anywhere this round (I don't think), but like at least it prevented some other people from getting it which allows me some room to make a couple moves without too many repercussions. In terms of social standing, I truly think I have put myself in a good spot. Jakey and Jordan have both said they want me to be their number ones; Devon also has said the same and has told me that he holds the Double Vote. I know that Autumn and Duncan are both willing to work with me in our alliance with Jordan. Liam and I have bonded quite a bit. And I get good vibes from Augusto, Kendall, and Adam. So the big question now is, my target at the moment is Amir... how do I get him out? I need to break up Amir, Augusto, and Kendall so that I have a better chance of working with Augusto specifically down the line and hopefully Kendall as well. I have a feeling that Adam will push for one of the trio and the trio will push for Adam or Jakey, which should give me plenty of ammo to try and make that move. Correction to my last confessional... the trio can't target Jakey because he's immune. Suck it!

i really... really just got my second idol huh... i cant believe it. i bodied that idol hunt, i sat their trying like six hundred combos for the morse code, got that demonic tile and did that evil hashi puzzle... im so happy hehe okay so ignore my super jaded confessional from yesterday im back in again akdjfsaf im literally on a reign of terror doing harsh confessionals then apologising but askdjfafa we move. so yesterday was a real busy day, we had the auction, i called lots of people and... i got myself a little bit of bling. with the auction first, it was really interesting. i misunderstood the "idol block" so i snatched it up, but then it just blocks hunting for the idol versus playing one, but for my mental health am glad i have that. i also got the vote revealer, which was like a mid-tier thing that im happy to have just got a second thing tbh. then i had like six hundred calls kaljsdfas. i called with devon first, he is really sweet and we had a great talk tbh? i really like him and hope we stick together. i did then go on to have very similar conversations to the one i had with him, with augusto and amir, but i felt best about the conversation me and devon had tbh. augusto is sweet, and very social. like i'd prefer to vote him to kendall, but i like him ha and feel like we have a bond now. i think i could be a good number moving forwards (i wouldn't want him gone 11th/10th). amir is also very nice, we are calling tomorrow, and i just dont think targetting amir is in my best interest rn? like what's the end goal in doing that. so then right now. i think i want the merge vote to be kendall? i feel like if we let that trio slide, its scary, and i have a closer connection to amir and augusto of the three. i think then the brawn tribe can turn inwards, but im eager to push the brawn tribe like "implosion" until after that trio is taken apart (to the style of splitting up alex c/jones/mo from montenegro) also otherwise i got an IDOLLL, or rather my second hehe. i put in a LOT of work to get it, i translated morse code, i did a demonic hashi puzzle, i got the 2048 tile. i earned this idol and im very proud. now i have two idols so have such wiggle room. and i'm building bonds across the tribe... im not saying im set, but... im covered for the time being

okay so im a clown and got frustrated with jordan for telling jake he was hesitant to keep me in... jordan just told me he has been downplaying our connection to people like jake KJLSDAFA so i fully just bought into nothing.

i am starting to feel my standing in the game rise, like im building bonds... everywhere. like im starting to become set to go the distance because i have lots of lowkey social bonds and because im not overtly super strategic i dont think i seem as threatening.

okay so ideal merge bootlist: f4: me/autumn/jake/devon, adam (5th), liam/jordan (6th/7th), amir (8th), duncan (9th), augusto (10th), tj (11th), kendall (12th) and then at the moment the order i would vote for people as a juror (bringing this back from montenegro): jake > autumn > amir > jordan > duncan(?) > devon > augusto > adam > tj > kendall > liam because i think jake has already idoled someone, and to make it to f3 after that is super impressive. autumn is a queen, has real strategic savvy and will have made moves to get to the end. amir is very much like autumn and him making it to the end. jordan is an amazing player and tbh deserves a win. duncan is really in game-mode and id love to see him in FTC (what a role reversal), devon has a real rootable underdog story, augusto is a social king, adam needs to pick it up beyond just targetting beauties to get my vote. tj/kendall are question marks for me, and then liam i LOVE but he doesn't necessarily 100% want to be here so i would be tentative to vote him. but its crazy because i think: jake/autumn/devon/adam/liam/jordan/amir/duncan... all trust me to some extent that's... such a large portion of the tribe. so i need to be careful im not scorning people too much, but this is a real work-able situation i think ahh

Interesting development that both Kendall and Amir want/wanted to call and talk to me. I just finished talking to Kendall (she is so sweet, I enjoy talking to her!) and I definitely see an avenue where we work together, but I am concerned that there does seem to be a guard up, which I totally understand given that we haven't been on a tribe together. We both kind of mentioned that Liam has been flirting with the idea of asking to be voted out which gave me an avenue to not say that the name I would throw out is Amir. I do hope that Liam isn't adamant about going because I truly do care for him and want him to stay in this game. I picked up a great ally in him after the initial Brawn vote and losing him now won't be fun. It does dispel this Brawn alliance people probably expect to be happening, but am I at ease with Liam going to facilitate that? But if that happens, that delays the fight between Adam/Jakey against the trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall, which in fact would be good for me as it allows me to slide by for another week... ugh, decisions decisions. Why do I feel like this first vote could determine the rest of my game?

So Liam still wants to be in the game, which is good. I can easily work with that. Yes, I feel awful telling Kendall I thought the vote would be Liam, but now that he seems to want to be in the game, I think I can work with Liam possibly staying. I still have to wait it out and listen to what some others think, but I may be back on the board of going for one of the trio. I know Jakey wants to do Kendall, but I don't want her to go just yet. Eventually, yeah probably, but I do want her here.

Whew merge merge merge. Tonight is the first night to play my legacy advantage, i could block a vote but honestly im probably not going to. Id be pretty caught off guard if i was the target tonight and I think id rather let it fester to an idol, whether for me or someone else later tha depends on my game play. Last night was the auction and boy did jordan win big, i got a whole vote steal that im pretty sure no one knows about. I created a believable (i think) lie about what i bid on and spread and thankfully adam came out the gate with a super fact checkable lie about the auction so i think most of the heats on him. For the vote it could be a beauty butpart of me really sees liam going home just cause people are so scared of how many brawn are in the game, and like thats fine i can deal with that. I am slowly building my relationships to the point where i can get the ball rolling enough to do some damage. Ive been biding my time in the shadows for most of this game, but Jordan Pines is about to rise!

this round is what we call a mixed bag like the auction? hated that girl. I saved my money and all I got was a drawing like sis this is the Survivor Auction not an actual auction ;-; but other than that, I’ve felt really good about how I’ve been playing? Like always, I’m trying to be the Belle of the Ball and have everyone want me as a date yknow? Currently, I have my main allies (Amir, Kendall, Devon) but others (Autumn, Duncan, Ali, Jordan, Jakey) have expressed that they want to work with me which is cute! I don’t know who to trust tho ngl but yay? My main priority is getting my footing in the game this first round and hopefully getting out a Brawn. The main two I want gone from the Brawns are Liam M and Jordan Pines. Liam M is the easier sell and I don’t mind that, Jordan Pines is someone I want gone soon though. I also want Adam gone if at all possible sometime soon but we shall see! 

i take it back jordan and duncan can go again...? literally like both of them preach up and down that we are gonna work together, then pull shady stuff like saying me and adam are a duo in their alliance chat of gremlins with love of my life autumn and professional robot tj?! literally just because y'all linked up at swap and think you are gods gift to alliances doesnt mean me and adam are a duo? i just talk to him and actually give him a chance in this game unlike like... 99% of this cast. now i cant really defend adam at all or people are gonna try and snap my neck? which sucks... adam was in my endgame but because i see him having a losing finalist arc versus me being a duo with him. so that sucks but well. it just reconfirms to me that i have to trust autumn. which is not hard because i literally love her sm and i want to see thrive in this season. so i am praying it works out. this cast continues to prove that being a muppet is a contagious disease.

im absolutely LIVID right now.... i dont even know where to begin ?? let's start with this: are we playing SURVIVOR or are we playing america's next top CLOWN?? because based on how silly all these people are it doesnt seem like survivor. this is my 3rd time playing this game, and never once have i ever made it to a merge where .... every single person wants to just settle on one name since they're the "easy" vote.... and yet that's all im being told with people wanting to vote liam?? at this point i hope the plan is to vote ME out and everyone is just telling me liam because i dont want to play the game with a bunch of feeble minded school of fish who have no backbone. first of all everyone has wanted to do nothing but play that ANNOYING ass "ooh its been quiet i havent heard a name yet" game for the entire day. We're 3 hours before tribal and all the sudden everyone wants to sing kumbaya and vote for liam??? because he's not around, which guess what it does make him an easy vote but....this is survivor why would you EVER vote that person off in the merge right away, he can literally go next or any other time. I refuse to sit back and just conform to it, ill probably end up having to, but im gonna try to push what to ME makes the most sense, not only for myself but for everyone... to get one of those 3 false beautys out. I've been going to a lot of people and basically saying "Let me break it down for you: one of them 150% has the idol??? and thanks to the suvivor auction, and based on what ive gathered from people they probably have advantages too.....why waste this vote being "easy" because then next round....they're gonna know it'll be one of them and so......they're gonna play all their shit and take someone out, and i absolutely reserve the right to laugh at whoever it is because theyre an idiot and didnt want to wake up and play the game (unless it's me of course oop) I've approached, jakey, autumn, duncan, jordan, ali, devon, tj, pretty much ANYONE who has a brain to just state the obvious.....its stupid getting liam out. literally the stupidest and quite frankly downright embarrassing move to make for a group of players of this caliber. and you know what responses ive gotten? "oh its too soon to rock the boat" "we have to get one of those brawns out" "yeah we just have to go with the brains on this one" ??? too soon??? at merge??????? to play the game of survivor??????????? at this point im about to try and just tell liam with the very slim chance that he has an idol and can use it on himself because how am i supposed to try and play the game of survivor with people who dont want to play its frustrating. **update as i was writing this i just had a call with jordan pines, im not as mad anymore after smoking weed with him for like 20 minutes ahfdd but its BORING LIKE WAKE UP PEARL LETS PLAY SURVIVOR...i probably made a big mistake pushing those 3 to as many people as i just did but whatever hopefully it at least planted seeds with people and people actually try and approach me in the future rounds with that idea again in other news, the auction happened and i got the power to go to the prejuror island and plead my case with them regarding this next vote, no one was even there so that was lovely i felt like i was talking to myself so nothing new there, i peeped connor was online but didnt have anything to say when i showed up, much like how he never had anything good to say in the game and that's why he was voted out, but ANYWAY. im pissed i made a case to them to vote for amir and now no one will even make the move with me. I also bought a challenge advantage which i wanted MOSTLY so i could just tell people thats what i got from it because to me i suck at challenges anyway, so it shouldnt paint as much of a target on my back and i want people to know i dont have one of those really scary ones (and i also want to keep making people think amir or kendall has something good), but ali did confide in me he has the vote reveal which made me trust him a lot more, and i dont plan on revealing to anyone what he told me so anywho, tribal is NOT gonna go my way tonight, i tried to make a move but liam is unfortunately completely unsaveable because he's not around even though i do like talking to him personally, i opened the door to people and it just got slammed in my face but in this game you have to learn when to drop it so im hoping i dropped it fast enough to not be a future target because people could still very well vote me out next because they'd be taking out the only real beauty left!

tj, jordan and duncan are all going home as soon as possible. they really think they are slick and they are not. they think they can badmouth me, my game and my position and it wont get back to me. there is a word for it and it is clownery. one of them is going to get to stepping really soon. maybe jordan.

also i cant be too mad at liam because im voting him but i wish it wasnt like this. well. what can you do. if he plays an idol im playing mine.

Now that we're told the right day... Well, it looks like most people are back on the Liam Train, and damn I really don't want this move to be made. Like, yes, it will set me up well moving forward: less "Brawn Alliance" hype, more battles between Adam/Ali vs. Beauty Babes, and a decent amount of social mobility for me. But this just feels like a giant waste and I don't know how to stop this at this rate.

First of all: YAASSSSSSSS WE LOVE MAKING THE MERGE!!!! I’ve gotten over my Scott grief and actually am pretty content with him out of the game since he was a big contender to win it all. The time I’ve been able to spend talking to people has been amazing and I feel like I genuinely have a good relationship with everyone on the tribe besides Liam, which is why I’m happy to see him go. He’s a really nice guy but he’s not adding anything to my game. I expect the vote to go 11-1-1 tonight. I could always get idoled out or blindsided and that would suck but you try your best and do what you can! I think I have EXCELLENT relationships with Amir, Jordan and Autumn and that’s like the kingpins of each group so if someone comes after me hopefully I’ll hear about it one way or another. I need to get my head out of Amir’s ass though, I’m most excited to play with him and we called for literally 2 hours and 50 minutes yesterday. I’ve always thought he was cute and intelligent from when I was in the community before and I fangirled getting to play with him. I like to think I’m in a good position in this game so far, we’ll see as the game progresses. One last thing? ADAM!? SIS?!?! EVERYONE IS AWARE YOU LIED TO THEM! YOUR ASS IS GOING HOME NEXT! PERIODT!! (Hopefully I’ll be here to help vote you out lol

Well, here we are? This is where my game was MADE back in Guyana, however, I clearly don't have a solidified alliance I am willing to take to the end at this stage. We have 5 Brawns, three former winners, a person I voted out in Guyana, two people that voted me out, and a person I tried voting out last round all still in the game. Still, I am going to make the best of it. In the short period of time this game has provided, I have been able to make REALLY solid connections. Not all of them are 100% genuine, but the hope is that they're enough to gain trust and information that I can use to advance my game. 

if i go home tonight im gonna lose my marbles

so basicallyyyy jakey is gathering intel from the other sideand apparently theyre all scared of me, grow up??? im literally harmless wtf

HOHOHOHOOGO WHO WANTS SOME TEA ? SO DUNCAN SPILLED THAT back long ago on original hathor, remember when I was losing my mind thinking aj ratted everything to Adam It was THE TRUTH and I’m glad aj has been dealt with. It’s what he deserves .

adam thinks hes so fucking slick running around telling everyone i gotta go and that i have the idol, and then messaging me in my pms trying to call and have a "tea-spilll uwu" when hes just going to use that against me anywayyyy honey u arent as smart as u think u are, and when the time is right, you're getting crucified ADAM CAME TO ME TO BE LIKE "FUCK JAKEY WON IMMUNITY" and im like "ik :( " and he runs to jakey and goes "THE RATS ARE MAD U WON" mark my words if im leaving this game i will blow him tf up on the way out

these people are all rats ALLIANCE: Threats R Us members: jakey ali autumn Source: jakey ALLIANCE: (name unknown) Members: Autumn Duncan TJ Jordan Source: Autumn so autumn ratted on an alliance to me and not the other, which lets me know that she is far more invested in Ali that she is in Duncan. Working with Duncan is not going to save face with autumn, i have to treat her as a separate entity and work with her genuinely if i want safety from ali, like she sold duncan tj and jordan down a river to me so fast i love her so much, i want to work with her but i have to see how far it goes people i want out : adam tj liam ali jordan but rn ill settle for anyone but me cuz no one is talking to me

devon wanted to talk real quick and tellin me that there was a whole ass plan started by adam to get me out, like say the vote is kendall but actually vote for me, and the plan was entertained by brawn, also i told jakey i have the idol, and jakey told me ali has 2 idols a vote reveal and an idol block

[clarke-kom-eden]

I wrote something.... I'm scared! Here goes! Ahhhhh!!!!!

I have never written or posed a fic before, I just sort of, had an idea and went for it. It may be terrible, it probably is, but, im giving it a go! Post season 4, bellarke, follows canon, I think. Anything science ish is completely made up though! sorry if ive mis-tagged or anything, I really don’t know what I’m doing! Sorry for the accent. I felt he had an accent.

“Nevermind, I see you.”

If she was completely honest with herself, for the longest time now, Clarke had begun to feel like it would never happen. She had tried to stay hopeful, she really had, but with each passing day it became harder. Had they ever even made it to the ark? Had she spent the past 6 years talking to ghosts?

But here it was, reality, a ship. Until she really looked at it. She remembered talk of Becca testing nightblood on a mining colony, but the people out there were lost, and would have perished long ago, and weren’t they criminals?

Clarke waited back, shielding Madi, and watched as the crew of around 30 men left the ship. She saw as they basked in the sun, felt the drops of rain on their skin, touched the grass around them, and remembered when the Hundred had first landed on earth, filled with hope.

Clarke was unsure how to proceed. From what she had observed,they seemed like ordinary men, but they had been sent away for a reason, and abandoned in space for years, they could be dangerous. However, it was an incredibly small piece of earth to inhabit, and more than likely she and Madi would be discovered soon. Clarke decided she would rather be in control of the situation, and so, eyes sharp, weapon hot, made her approach.

“My name is Clarke Griffin,” she called from a distance,  “I wish to speak to whoever is in charge.”

An older man, with toughened skin and a greying beard took a few steps forward, keeping his hands raised.

“Well I’ll be damned. There really is someone living down here?!” He had an accent Clarke had only ever heard in an old western film she had once watched on the ark.

“More than one. Stay back.”

He stopped.

“Missy we don’t mean no harm or nothing, we just want to get our bearings. Are you from that there bunker she told us about.”

“ How do you know about the bunker?”

The man’s name was Thomas. He followed Clarke to another area while the rest of the men stayed with the ship.

“Start from the beginning.”

“Ok, but I gotta tell ya, I’m not even too sure myself of what’s  happening. I’m just a prisoner, trying make sense of all this.”

He gestured to everything around him.

“You see, I never really could hold my drink. It got me in trouble, well, I got me in trouble. Ended up hurting someone, more than I meant to. You could get a big ol’ reduction on your sentence if you agreed to do some, labour, they called it. Never mentioned much about radiation and injections and being put to sleep. Next thing we know we all wake up, look around the ship, there’s no one. No crew, no guards, just us prisoners all waking up. That’s when we hear someone trying to communicate with us, honest at first I thought it was the voice of God! Turns out she’s on a space station. Says her name’s Raven.”

At this, Clarke could not hold back her tears. It felt as if she had been holding her breath for years, as she finally let go. “Raven? She’s, alive, you spoke to her?”

“ She’s the one woke us up.” Clarke had too many questions, but all she could think to ask,

“did you talk to anyone else?”

“Yeah, there was a Monty too. Smart guy, couldn’t follow a lot of the tech talk but, I tried.” Clarke laughed, yeah, that sounded like Monty. “ Anyone else?”

“ Just those two, really. I’m guessing from your face that’s not the answer you wanted. I wish I could give you more, I’m sorry, it’s been a, well, a damn mess of a time.”

“I understand. So, are they coming down too, why aren’t they with you?”

“ That was the tricky part I’m afraid. See she explained she found us drifting, and that’s when we realised, well, we’d been asleep for gone a hundred years.” He shook his head, “ everyone we knew, our friends, family, all long gone.”

“I’m so sorry, that must have been a shock.”

“To say the least. Don’t think I even really believe it still, you know?” Clarke wasn’t sure how to respond. Ever since they’d been sent to earth it had felt like one shock after another, but to wake to find everything you’d ever known was gone, even with everything she had been through, that would have been unimaginable. Thomas took a deep breath and sat on a rock nearby.

“I’m sorry to press you Thomas, but I need to know about my friends.”

“Course you do. I’ll try n keep it short. Raven said they had been looking for a way to get back to earth, tryin to make fuel or something, but was havin trouble. Thought maybe they could use our ship, had no idea we were still in stasis. Anyways, she directed us to where they were, we were gonna take them on board, but there was a problem. Our airlock was completely ballsed up or something, no way to open her up in space without killing us all.” Clarke felt sick. So they were stuck, if they couldn’t make fuel, that’s it.

“ So that’s it, they’re stuck?”

“ I sure hope not. We had a few escape pods on our ship. She told us how to detach them, direct them toward their airlock. They all still had fuel in them. Not real sure what she’s planning,but they might still have a chance.”

Finally, for the first time in a long time, Clarke’s hope felt real. This was Raven, she could do it.

Clarke had tried every thing she could think of, but she just couldn’t make it work. She threw the tools across the room with as much force as she could muster, narrowly missing Andrew.

“ Clarke, I told you, Raven said most likely once we landed we wouldn’t be able to communicate with the ark anymore.”

She knew this, of course she did, but what else could she do? She had been trying to communicate with them for 6 years. It was her way of staying sane, she couldn’t just stop now, she had to keep trying.

“ Anyway, they’ll be here soon. I’m sure of it!” Andrew was one of the most optimistic people she had ever met, it was impossible to stay mad around him. He was just 18 when he had been put into stasis, although he seemed younger still, and was so skinny he really brought out Clarkes maternal side. Madi had also taken a real shine to him, though as Clarke kept reminding her she was much too young and he was a criminal! Clarke had begun to spend more time with the prisoners over the past few weeks, but still kept herself and Madi at a distance. She had tried to get an idea of the various crimes these men had committed, but as she had no way of knowing the truth, she just had to trust what they told her. Although, in Andrews case, she really felt like he had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Well, she hoped. Three weeks had passed and still no sign of them, and the prisoners wanted to focus on getting to the bunker. With their mining equipment, they should finally be able to dig the others free, but it was taking time to get the equipment back to working order, as it had been dormant for over 100 years. Clarke knew this should be her focus too, she was desperate to see her mother, but she couldn’t take her mind off of them, up there, alive. She knew that the bunker had only had enough oxygen for 5 years, knew that difficult decisions would have been made, her head should be underground, but her heart was in the stars. She thought of what she would say to him, she thought of the last time he held her. As she picked up the tools scattered around her and calmed herself once more, she heard distant excited shouts.

She stood slowly, as Madi came bounding in. She didn’t even speak, just gave Clarke the biggest smile and reached out her hand. Clarke took it and followed Madi outside, legs shaking with each step. She watched as the rocket she had waited for crash landed into the ocean.

“Well, let’s go get yer friends.” Thomas walked out in front of Clarke and towards the sea.

With every step closer to the crash site Clarke got faster and faster, until she was running so fast that Madi could no longer keep up. She stopped when she realised she had been dragging the poor girl. “Clarke, it’s ok” Madi let go of her hand, “you go, I’ll follow” Clarke nodded, and started running again, no longer feeling the ground beneath her, no longer feeling her own breathing, just running. She ran until she was waist deep in the water. The hatch of the shuttle was just beginning to open, and someone climbed out. They reached back into the shuttle to pull someone else out. One by one they all emerged from the rocket. Clarke stood and watched, silently. She meant to shout, to move, but she was frozen. She watched them help each other down and splash into the water, she watched them help each other swim towards the shore the opposite side of the bay from her, still unaware of her presence.

Finally, they began to remove their helmets. First she saw Murphys face, same smug grin as ever, as he helped Emori off with her helmet. They still looked as in love as she remembered. They all now faced away from her, looking toward the trees. Then she saw him. He ran his hand through his unruly curls and dropped his helmet on the ground. The group all spoke amongst themselves, but he separated himself and walked around a little. Then, finally, he turned to look back across the water. He stopped dead. For what felt like forever, they stared at each other. They were still a fair distance apart. He began to move back towards the water. Clarkes feet finally began to work. She moved deeper into the ocean until she could no longer stand. She tried to swim as best she could, but had never really done it before. She kicked and splashed but got nowhere. Her head dipped below the water. Suddenly, she felt strong arms around her, bringing her back up, carrying her to shore, laying her down on the beach.

“Are you trying to drown yourself, you can’t swim!” she coughed and spluttered and clung to his arms, digging her fingers into his suit. He pushed the hair from her face, then pulled her to him and squeezed her so tightly her ribs hurt, his face buried into her neck.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t, I don’t know, I, just…” she couldn’t finish. She had no answer, her mind had switched off and her body had taken over. He enveloped her entirely, as she wrapped her arms around his back, and cried.

“I left you.”

“you had no other choice!” Clarke finally loosened her grip on him, he pulled back slightly to look at her.

“Are you real?” He asked, as he studied her face. She nodded and laughed. He pulled her in again, this time more gently, and held her. She began to shiver, the water had been cold. “God, Clarke you’re freezing,” he rubbed up and down her arms.

“I don’t care”.

“ Clarke?” It was Raven. Bellamy and Clarke suddenly remembered they weren’t alone. He helped her up, as Raven threw her arms around her, followed by Monty, all the while Bellamy kept his arm around her waist.  Finally, the cold began to get to her,

“We should head back to camp, I’m assuming you probably want something to eat that’s not algi?” At this Murphy jumped in, “Clarke, please tell me you have something meat based? Anything. Honest to god I’ll eat rat right now”

“Just, head that way.” Clarke pointed towards the trees, just as Madi, Thomas and a few others appeared. “Raven, you know Thomas”

“It’s good to meet you in the flesh.”

“I knew you’d make it down, never had a doubt”.

Madi greeted Clarke with a hug and eyed up Bellamy.

“He looks just like your drawing.”

“My drawing? Clarke has drawings of me?”

“Yes. I know all about you. You’re Bellamy.” at this Bellamy raised an eyebrow.

“I, mentioned you, a couple of times. Madi is a nightblood, I found her, alone, after praimfaya, I’ve been teaching her. Your name has come up a few times.” Bellamy smirked, that same way he used to when he’d call her princess. “Madi, could you lead the way back to camp?” Madi looked like she wanted to say more, but did as Clarke asked. They started the walk back, Raven and Thomas in deep discussion, Monty and Harper talking with Andrew, Murphy and Emori keeping together, Echo staying close by them. Clarke and Bellamy fell to the back of the group.

“Clarke,” he said her name in that same deep voice that she had longed for, and it almost felt as if the last 6 years hadn’t happened,

“I still can’t believe you’re alive. You saved us, again, and I, just, left you.”

“Bellamy, I meant what I said. You did the right thing. I’m so glad you went, I told you to go, over the radio. If you hadn’t, you’d be dead, and we wouldn’t be here now. Together.” she reached for his hand. As he locked his fingers with hers, he repeated her words,

“Together”.

[wwoofcsa]

A few other fun things that went down

We went to a little headwash spot, called astral headwash, where you get a fifteen minute head wash and massage and its amazing. I asked if i could volunteer and they said yes! So i gave little guided meditations as i washed peoples heads and minds. Such a lovely experience. (reminder for myself: connecting with the girl with dreads)

The burn was around the time that it dawned on me, that my relationship with THC was coming to an end for now. A beautiful and freeing revolation

One of our camp mates brought these hilarious little tiny hands, that you can put on your fingers, and it looks like you had a tiny hand. Needless to say, this prop became an integral part of our hilarious week, filled with bits.

And lastly, i put together these awesome mdma supplement kits, to help protect your brain againsts toxicity from the mdma. Its a kit mostly full of antioxidants and i gave them away as gifts. This was something super important to me, to be able to help people be healthier, and to educate them on responsible mind expansion. It took me HOURS to work on them. I had about 90 kits, and was planning on giving away 30 at the burn. Before i left terris house, i put an extra kit in there for myself, but this kit was marked a bit differently cause i had put two capsles of mdma in one of the little baggies. I did it jsut in case i got stopped or checked by a police officer on my way in to the burn, as everyone was on high alert. I planned on taking the packet out and storing it spereately when i arrived. Flash forward about 5 days, i had gifted about 20 or 25 of the supplement kits. Everyone was so thankful and lovely and on the night of tycho, mikey, jake and i were gonna take my mdma, but i couldnt find it anywhere. All the sudden it hit me...hard.  I had accidentally dosed one of the kits though because i hid my mdma in one of them. It was about 2am and my heart started beating very quickly. How could i have done something like this!? Everyone had trusted me!? How could i be so careless!? WHO DID I DOSE? HOW COULD I TELL THEM> WHAT WOULD THEY THINK!? I had to find everyone and tell them, all 25 people, in a festival of 70 thousand. Thank god about 12 or 13 of them were in our camp. So after a few good minutes of panic, i decided that there was nothing i could do immediately, and later that evening the moment i saw anyone i had given a kit to, i would tell them not to take the restof it, and i need to check it. THANK FUCKING GOD, pips was the first one i checked, and i found it before she dosed herself unknowingly. Everyone seemed pretty cool about it when i told them though. Most everyone was just excited about getting more mdma. In good measure, i gave her one of the capsules as reparations. Never again

The last day of the burn was very interesting experience. I was heading out in the early evening with magenta and mothballs. And i was a bit sad as the burn had quickly (as always) flown by me. I woke up early, to wake brittany up and we were going to go together to a random rab set. I woke up, rode over to her tent, but she wasnt inside so i figured this was my experience to have on my own. I rode through the freezing morning across the playa over to playa school, a sound camp that was literally covered in actual burning flames. Random rab was playing when i got there, and i started warming up a bit as the set went on. I danced a bit and a few things came up for me. I saw couples around me and people dancing with friends, and i just closed my eyes and moved with the music. Suddenly i saw the two twins come out of nowhere. These twins that for years ive seen over and over again, and while ive wanted to connect with them, the connection has always felt very superficial and in the past, for some reason, its been tough for me. When i saw them, we smiled and hugged, and for the next twenty mins or so i wrestled a bit with the feelings that were coming up after seeing them and yet again, repeating an ingenuine feeling interaction ived had with them a dozen times. All of the sudden, a guy comes up to me while im dancing and explains that he’s doing a day where he makes himself approach everyone he sees that he admires in some way, and must give them a compliment. So he comes up to me, and gives me this huge compliment about how beautiful and thinks i am etc etc. it was so beautiful that i started tearing up and started to cry a bit. It was such a perfectly timed interaction, it took me by surprise. We hugged and he dissapeared and i notice a guy dancing in front of me. He was shirtless and i noticed he had a ton of hebrew writing tattooed on him like a collar of a shirt. I asked him in hebrew what the tattoo meant, but he ended up being spanish. He explained that the tattoo was 72 names for god. He got it for protection. It dawned on me suddenly, that the entire time i was struggling, i was being watched over and protected. Protection was right next to me and i had no clue. This epiffany allowed me to surrender into the present and gain persepective that im always safe, im always being watched over, and everything is happening exactly how its supposed to. This helped me let go of the twins, allow them to be them, and as the set ended, and i headed to my shift at the zendo project, brittany rode by asking where i had been that morning. I told her i ran by her tent and couldnt find her, but that i went to the random rab set, she told me that she had been at the entire set too, but she must have been a bit further back from me. I smiled as a feeling sunk in that the morning’s experience really was one that i was destined to have alone. A beautiful final experience for the burn.

[fanfictionformost-blog]

Alex Tuner Fic

It was summer when your first met the notorious Alex Turner, you were both playing some two week festival somewhere in the middle of some Californian desert. It was unbearably hot but that just meant people could wear less clothes, you were wearing some distressed denim shorts with studs strategically placed along the bottom and a Evil Dead muscle tee. Alex was in some very well fitting blue jeans and a tight white tee shirt with the sleeves rolled up half way the first time you met. You were sitting in a tent the festival had set up for the talent minding your own business when what you would learn to call a Tuner Tornado burst in, A Turner Tornado was when Alex and all his pre show energy entered a room bouncing and singing, You watched from your seat as Alex and Miles made their way to the mini bar in the corner, They completely missed you continuing to sing 505 in an over exaggerated balled type fashion. “Two margaritas?” Alex questioned Miles with his head slightly cocked to one side, “Better make that three” you said while getting up off the couch and heading over to the boys. They both jumped a little before Miles said “Y/N, ive heard of you! Nice to meet you!” he extended a hand which you took kindly shaking it before you turning to Alex, hand still extended, “yeah and your The Last Shadow Puppets its great to meet you! I didn't know you play this festival.” Alex took your hand a little shaky at first but finishing with confidence. “Its new to us this year.” Alex said then gestured to you with the margarita shaker. “yes please” you responded.

It just so happened that both you and TLSP had at least two hours before you had to go on, so you sat and lightly drank while getting to know one another. Alex couldn't keep his eyes off of you the whole time, He traced you body with his eyes then your face. Little did you know he was trying to memorize your beauty. You thought he was very cute though so you tried to flirt. “So who are you boys most excited to see play? I put on a good show or so ive been told.” You say aiming the last part at Alex and readjusting your legs. “Well... I am very excited for that, ive also heard good things about your performance.” Alex said, funny you thought Alex is smooth but slightly awkward not what you imagined from listening to his lyrics, Still super cute, in fact you liked this even better. “Im excited to see Lana” Miles said referring to Del Rey. You giggled and then said you were wanting to see her again too. You and Lana often toured the same festivals. Two hours had flown by you got up and said your goodbyes before turning to leave but Alex caught your arm. “What stage love? ive got to see that beauty in action.” Alex asked more confidence in his voice then you expected this caught you off guard slightly but excited you even more. “Stage 4″ You said back with a wink then you bounced off to get changed.

You got your typical pre show jitters, nothing a cup of tea and doing a couple vocal warm ups can fix. Before you knew it it was time to hit the stage, you ran out said hello and then introduced yourself. There were always a lot of new comers to your music and these festivals. You then started playing your first song, you glanced over to the side of the stage and much to your surprise Alex was actually there. He was watching you intently, He stayed there the whole set with the same intense look in his eye and half smirk on his lips. You couldnt help but to keep glancing over at him, you were almost feeding off his energy. When your set came to a close you waved goodbye took a bow and made your way off stage. Alex was clapping as you approached him “well done, You really do put on a good show!” Alex said “Thanks, I didn't think you would actually come watch.” You answered blushing slightly, realizing just how sexy Alex was. You gave him a once over unable to help yourself from taking a couple extra seconds to really appreciate his strong jaw line. He just smiled and gave you a once over in return even though he had already remembered your every detail. “Can I get your number? I gotta run, soundcheck, but we should hang out sometime.” He questioned, “Yeah of course! I would love to hang out.” you answered and then pulled out your phone to get Alex’s number.

It had been two weeks and the festival was coming to an end. Alex spent every free moment he got either with you or texting you. The both of you were really compatible, same taste in music, similar senses of humor, and in insane attraction for the other.

*Last day :(* Alex Text to you

*I know, its been a great two weeks though. Plus we still have tonight ;)* you answered.

*We go on at 7 then after im all yours*Alex

*All Mine you say, Hope I can handle it.* You text hoping to tease him a little bit.

*Keep talking like that and I dont know if i will be able to handle it* He responded, mission accomplished

Seven rolled around and you couldn't wait any longer, you had to see Alex. So you decided to watch him play his final set of the festival. It was a great set, the best you had seen from TLSP. Alex did all he could to keep his eyes on the crowed but every once in a while they would find there way over to you. This really fired you up. You were having a major adrenaline rush. As the show came to a close Alex and Miles thanked the audience, embrace one another, and then exited the stage. By the time they made it over to you, you were practically bouncing. You joined there embrace “Great show boys!” you exclaimed. “Thanks love” They both answered and then disconnected the embrace. Alex took your hand and led you back to the talent lounge area to have drinks, Miles hung out for a while and the three of you talked and joked, You greatly enjoyed this time although you were sad this was the last night you would be doing this. Four drinks in and Miles was tapping out and headed for the tour bus. You got up from your seat and instead sat in Alex’s lap kissing his cheek and then looking into his eyes. You didn't say anything for a while, you just enjoyed each others presence. “We could always try da...” Alex started to say but you cut him off with a kiss. You knew what he was going to say, and while dating sounded lovely it also sounded like a lot of work since you both were so busy and traveled so often. You moved your lips from his down to his neck saying “Lets just have fun tonight, k?” between kisses. He let out a little moan and then said “Sounds good love.” You then bit his collar bone running your tongue over the bite gently after, he ran his hands up an down your sides. He pulled you back up into a kiss by your chin, His hands then finding there way up your shirt. Your skin started to tingle at his touch, he felt you shiver and let out a confident chuckle. You blushed a bit then helped Alex take your top off. He unclasped your bra slowly pulling it from your shoulders. Alex was very gentle with you but at the same time his movements were desperate. It was on of the best nights you had ever had and despite your earlier remarks only the beginning for Alex and you.

[blog-optimisticcoffeestuden-blog]

How much would insurance cost for a 97 Mazda Miata?

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I'm thinking about getting my 16 year old son a 1997 Mazda Miata with about 110,000 miles. I have 3 cars currently with state farm. I do plan on selling one car to buy the miata. I have a clean driving record myself. My son in an honors student. He has completed drivers Ed. He hasn't gotten in any wrecks yet. Any idea of how much insurance would be a month for him?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I am about to sign a contract, as a self-employed contractor, and one of the point refers to me having liability insurance. Is it a legal requirement?""

Is it bad to cancel new car insurance after just 1 month?

ok i bought a bad car from a dealer that scammed me and im a new driver and it was the first time i had a car and the first time i put on car insurance the reason why im asking is because ive bought the car and after 10 min of driving the car it died on me and there was no warranty dumb of me not to buy a warranty plus it was an old car anyways i got new car insurance and i sold the car and people was telling me that because im a new driver if i cancel my insurance early that i wont be able to open up a new one or it will be harder to open one up in future is that true?

How much is motorcycle insurance for a 150cc moped?

I've heard some people say $100 a YEAR. And some $250 a MONTH. Big difference. Who is more correct? And I'm just wanting a rough guess. Not an exact quote. So please no ...show more

Car insurance for a new driver?

i want to buy a small car, but im worried that the insurance will be expensive what company sell cheap insurance? how much about did you pay? i want a small car, like a 1 litre engine thank you""

""On average, how much is motorcycle insurance?""

Let's say for instance I owned a road bike with 750 cc's, how much would insurance be? Or at least AROUND how much?""

What's the average cost of car insurance for a 20 year old male?

I'm shopping around for car insurance and I'm trying to get an idea of what's average. I'm a 20 year old male living in Florida with no points on my license.

Buying a car and insurance?

The bank has pre-approved me for 11k. I have talked the dealer down to $8,500 for the truck i want. My insurance is going to be around $1,200 for 6 months. If i get the auto loan for 10k, will i be able to use the excess money to pay my insurance. I believe i read that the check from the bank will be written out to the dealer, but what will happen with the excess money?""

""If you had to guess, do you think my insurance will be high?

i am an 18 years old male. i have been driving for close to two years and i had one speeding ticket that i took to court and they let me off. i got no points. i drive a 2000 mercury cougar and with liability coverage it costs $90 a month. im on my moms policy. im want to get a 2005 chevy monte carlo lt that im gonna have to get full coverage on because im financing. i am also gonna be on my moms insurance. do you think my premium is gonna increase by alot? thank you. and please just give me estimates and dont tell me to call the insurance company. i just want ballpark estimates and answers. thank you :)

How much would a BMW increase your insurance every month if you have Nationwide?

Like compared to having a non-luxury import car?

Best medical / health insurance in Dubai?

family health insurance, which should cover maternity expenses as well. also it should be economical and well received at all hospitals / clinics. thanks in advance""

Can I remove 17 yr old off my insurance policy if not driving my car at all?

Long story short (hopefully)...My 17 yr old step-son got his license just after his b-day last yr and my husband stupidly bought him an undeserved car (we have had nonstop issues with him for over 2 yrs with his disrespectful and insulting/criticizing attitude, refusing to follow house rules, his very poor, negative and selfish behavior on top of his constant lies and his drug and alcohol use and continues to bring it around my 4 yr old son). Needless to say after receiving 4 tickets under 6 months for either having too many kids in car or driving past allowed hours to be driving because he refuses to follow our rules or the law and feel they do not apply to him. He completely trashed the car, it reeked of cigarettes and pot, we found empty beer cans and other cans used to smoke his pot. We took the car away and cleaned it the best we could and after a few months of him still continuing his behavior and habits we sold the car. He bullies his mom and sister (always has) and took his moms keys and her car from her and will not return it. I know we are legally responsible for him until he turns 18 which isn't too much longer BUT he is getting worse with everything, my husband has given up on him and just lets him come and go as he pleases and do what he wants (he claims he will kick him out on his bday but no one believes him b/c of many past threats not followed through and his kids know it so they continue to play him), I'm told to stay out of it because he isn't my son yet he is still on MY insurance and driving his mom's car while drinking and smoking pot and continuing not to follow the law with his restrictions either. I can't wait for this ungrateful punk to be out of my house. He constantly badmouths all of us with lies to everyone and blames us when things don't go his way. He has always been extremely lazy and does not want to work, he keeps forcing his mom to give him money which she does b/c she claims she is afraid of him, he has NEVER helped with anything around the house, he has already been in trouble a few times with the police as young as 12 when he wouldn't follow skateboarding rules. This kid needs a major attitude adjustment and a kick in the *** but no one will do it and I'm not allowed to say anything to him about anything but I'm so sick and tired of having to keep my mouth shut and watch everything he says and does to his family yet I am to provide insurance for this a@%hole. He's not supposed to be driving anyone's car but he took his mom's and won't give it back to her, he lives with us even though he is NEVER here (DYFS took the kids away from their mom about 4 yrs ago and placed them with us immediately) (oh, the issues have been going on a lot longer than these 4 yrs but not to this degree). By the time we file and the court allowed for emancipation he will be 18 so that is no use. He HAS to live with us until then but I don't want my insurance going up anymore than it has and want him off of it. He refuses to hand over his license too. I am at my wits end with this kid and don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any ideas on any loopholes on how to get him off my insurance? If we force him to stay here he gets violent toward everyone, constantly picks fights with all of us, storms around the house cursing and complaining, slamming everything, purposely makes messes and leaves it until he gets his way and I definitely do not want that behavior around my son. My husband has told him he is no longer a part of our family and it doesn't faze him at all and he just does not care about anyone but himself. Please no criticizing me. I have been his step-mom for almost 10 yrs now and have never been allowed to discipline my husband's kids at all and always told to not get involved in anything b/c they are not my kids yet they both walk all over their dad (and their mom), are spoiled rotten, no responsibilities or chores at all and never any consequences when they do something wrong. For those of you who actually read all of this thank you. Yes, I am venting but really need it and this still is not the whole story but it's too much to go into.""

Which insurance is better?

which insurance is better blue cross and blue shield or aflac, what is the difference between them""

What are some affordable life insurance policies for people with diabetes?

What are some affordable life insurance policies for people with diabetes? Looking for $400,000 in coverage.""

Sooooo how much would a 16 year old car cost for car insurance on a 2008 BMW 750i??? (on his dad's plan :D)?

In new york (brooklyn). Thanks!

All my friends seem to be getting cheap car insurance?

All my friends seem to be getting cheap car insurance but i cant seem to find it lol, im 17 and i know its expensive but people say they find it for 1.4k or 1.5k which id be happy with but im getting quoted 5k (and dont say what type of car is it!!) cause i know all that""

Can my car get repossessed for lapse of insurance?

Okay so short and sweet my loan company called and says my insurance lapsed now is this a problem by means can they come get the car like in the same fashion as if I were not paying on it? But can they still get it even if I am making the right payments on time? Also if I fax them my insurance card showing I have the card with proof of the insurance til may will they take that as a form or do they need to contact the company directly?

Under parents car insurance in another state?

im going to another state for college, can i stay under my parents car insurance?""

Whats the best car insurance?

I am an at risk drive at age 19 driving a 2005 toyota sequoia that hasn't been paid off yet i have one at fault accident ( i hit a car in a parking lot with nobody in it) and i have two speeding tickets now i need full coverage because im still making payments but I would like to know what to go with because so far all my quotes are really expensive! please help me out guys i cant afford 300 dollar car insurance!

Auto insurance cost for teen?

I am 16 years old and have a 2002 vw jetta. I was wondering how much it would cost for insurance?

How much would insurance cost for a 97 Mazda Miata?

I'm thinking about getting my 16 year old son a 1997 Mazda Miata with about 110,000 miles. I have 3 cars currently with state farm. I do plan on selling one car to buy the miata. I have a clean driving record myself. My son in an honors student. He has completed drivers Ed. He hasn't gotten in any wrecks yet. Any idea of how much insurance would be a month for him?

What makes car insurance car insurance?

I always wondered. Not to brag or anything, but my family is so rich that we really don't need car insurance. If something were to happen we would be able to take care of it. So basically we waste hundreds of dollars each year on car insurance. Is there a way we could have our own insurance card to issue to a police? What makes car insurance companies able to function and not me?""

How much money would it cost for car insurance for...?

I am 17, I got my G2 license recently.. How much would I be looking at if i were to buy insurance for a jeep 04 rubicon? Also, if you know, how much did you or your friends pay or ur kids for car insurance and where do u live...""

""Please, what company can I get maternity insurance coverage with in Florida?""

My husband and I are not yet pregnant, but we are already trying. We do not qualify for medicaid and have no health insurance. We do not want to wait the twelve month waiting period before getting pregnant. So far my only option seems to be Ameriplan. I was hoping for more options.""

How much would it cost for 3-5 million dollars General Liability Insurance?

I work in various chemical plants and refineries repairing/maintaning/calibrating the laborotory instruments in these places. I'm currently working as a sub-contractor through another company but that is about to change, as my business partner and I are breaking away from them to start our own business. Most of these plants require between 3-5 million in liability coverage to my knowlege. I need a ballpark figure of what that kind of coverage costs in the Louisiana/Gulf coast region. Last year we did $150,000 in sales between 3 people and the revenue has been growing substantially each year (~20% or so). Thanks in advance for your answer.""

Rough cost of insurance group 17 cars?

Hi all, I'm looking at a Lotus Elise for my next car. Its insurance group 17 and I'm 25 with nearly two years no claims. Anyone know roughly what the insurance would be? Thanks xx""

How much would it cost for monthly insurance on a Dodge Viper 2009?

Im doing a math project at school and we have to buy a car. What would the approximate cost be to insure it monthly?

""Once you get your license, do you have to have car insurance even if you don't own a car?""

Say you're over 18, you go for your license test and get your license. Six months later, you buy a car. During the six months before you buy the car, do you have to have car insurance, even if you're not driving during those six months at all?""

Who are good for cheap insurance without any no claims?

previous vehicle was mobility and insurance was not in my name so I have no no claims

Has anyone had experience w/causing a car accident & how much your insurance goes up?

I just got into a car accident & I was at fault. It appeared to be minor, based on the small dent in the other person's car, but the couple both have soft tissue injuries. I have no accidents or tickets on my record. I'm wondering if anyone out there has been in a similar situation as me? How much did your insurance go up? I hope this couple doesn't lie about their injuries or embellish them and I hope their injuries don't turn out to be serious. It is too soon to tell. Thanks.""

What kind of business insurance is needed for a small business retail store?

& on average, how much does it cost (it will be in Brookly/NYC)""

What is the annual cost of health insurance for employer?

I am a new small business owner with 3 employees at the moment. I was wondering what the annual or monthly cost for health insurance is for an employer. I'm not looking for an in depth analysis, just trying to figure things out in my head and I have not even a clue what it cost.""

What does average insurance premium mean?

What does average insurance premium mean?

Can a 16year old drive an 18years old car if the 18year old is on the parents insurance with statefarm?

The 16 year old will be on the parents insurance as well

Where is the best place to purchase product liability insurance?

Need product liability insurance for imported hardwood flooring.

Can a tourist in New jersey buy a car and get an insurance?

My I-94 is valid till Feb 2013, and I wanna buy a car. Can I register it by my name in DMV and get an insurance? I know friends in other states did that (California, Indiana...etc) but I am not sure what about New Jersey""

Health Insurance for 18 going to 19 year old?

My boyfriend is currently 18 years old. In January he will turn 19. He has no health insurance.We live in Texas. He's currently working/has his own income but still lives in his grandma's home. He started working making roughly about 250-300 every week, this has however only been for half the year before he was only making minimum wage. Should he get insurance from where he works? Or can he qualify for Medicaid or something of that sort? How does insurance work when you move out also?? Who qualifies for Medicaid? How? We're honestly clueless about all this, and no one has given us information. I've tried doing online research but it's all confusing.. I was hoping someone would help me out. Anything will help. Thank you.""

Ontario motorcycle insurance help?

im a 17 year old male wanting to get my m1 and buy a 1985 yamaha virago, and i really don't know where i can insure it for cheap because of the year most insurance places in ontario wont insure it, id have the Absolute bare minimum so it would be cheapest. please help""

""Reasonable priced car insurance, uk?""

I'm 17 I passed my test in July and have just taken the pass plus course in the hope of decreasing car insurance cost a bit but I'm still getting quotes of like 3k + going all the way to 11k is there any vehicle, type or make, with any insurer that'll give me a reasonable price say 1kish or less?""

What auto insurance should I have for a car that stays in garage?

I live in California, I do have a car that I am not using anymore and it stays in the garage until I decide to sell it. By California law, is there any law that you must have insurance for car? even if it is not being used. if there is a law then what is my best options for auto insurance? Thanks, I appreciate any answer!""

Which car insurance is cheaper for a 17 year old male?

I'm 17 and I'm thinking about getting a car when I get my g2 in a few months, I do have a job I work at Canadian tire! and Im looking for which car would be cheaper on insurance.. I dont want a truck, caravan or a smart car... please answer this truthfully! :) P.S. Im in ontario, Canada""

Where can I shop for health insurance?

I need to purchase health insurance for my family. Where do I go or who should I call?

What insurance would take her?

Wife's best friend is a natural-born U.S. citizen and California resident for decades. She is 49 years old, single mother of a teenager, and has no health insurance. She has a rather large (presumably benign) tumor in her belly that makes her look 4 months pregnant. According to her research, it's a cystic fibrosis, a single lump at or near her reproductive organs. It's been growing for years and has not been diagnosed. In fact, she hasn't seen a doctor since about 1999. She knows that she'll need surgery and wants to get health insurance, but obviously has a pre-existing condition. There are high risk pools for that, but she's unsure how to proceed. Should she go to the doctor, get the tumor diagnosed and then try to get insurance? Should she try to get insurance, yet list her undiagnosed condition on the application in order to be denied? She doesn't make much money, but she knows there's no way around this. Any advice on how to proceed? Thank you.""

Any body know the cheapest place to insure a 17 year old driver?

My 17 year old son just passed his driving test and would like to buy a car. This wouldn't be too much of a problem but the insurance quotes we have had are unbelievably high. The cheapest quote has been 4300 with some companies refusing to quote at all. Some of his friends have told him they pay around 2500 because they have a 'box' fitted which monitors their driving. The co-operative was recommended for this but when I got an online quote from them it was 7,500 with the box. Help!!!! Anyone have any ideas?""

1999 Pontiac Grand Am SE auto insurence?

how much will it cost for me monthly just estimate the price please to have insurance on that car thanks and are ponitacs goood with there motor and all that it has 172000 miles on it for $2900 should i take it or na just tell me about the insurance please thanks

What is 20 payment life insurance?

What is 20 payment life insurance?

How much would insurance cost for a 97 Mazda Miata?

I'm thinking about getting my 16 year old son a 1997 Mazda Miata with about 110,000 miles. I have 3 cars currently with state farm. I do plan on selling one car to buy the miata. I have a clean driving record myself. My son in an honors student. He has completed drivers Ed. He hasn't gotten in any wrecks yet. Any idea of how much insurance would be a month for him?

Car insurance for 19 year old....?

whats the best car insurance how much would it be for me being a 19 year old, just got passed my driving test first time driver lives in L.A. what are the best car insurance companies out there for me""

What's the cheapest car to insure for a 17 year old?

I've just turned 16 and I am starting to save up for a car/insurance, I'm just wondering whats the cheapest car to buy and insure for a 17 year old. I know it varies where you live ect ect, but I'm just wondering generally. Also would a robin reliant be cheap to insure?""

What is the difference between insurance agencies and insurance companies?

What is the difference between insurance agencies and insurance companies?

If 15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance..can 20 minutes save you 20% or more on car insurance?

i know stupid question but i've always been curious 

What are my health insurance options?

I recently changed jobs to a small company that does not provide health insurance. I was turned down when I applied independently to Aetna for medical reasons. Would the decision of another company likely be any different or is COBRA my only option? Despite some issues in my medical history I virtually never go to the doctor and would be happy with a plan that just covers unexpected catastrophic issues but I'm not sure how to go about looking for that.

Put my 17 yr son on insurance for '85 vette?

Is it possible to put my 17 year old son on the insurance for my 85 corvette? God blessed

How much would my car insurance be?

I'm looking to buy another car. I would really like a BMW or a VW, years like 1996 to 2004. I'm thinking like a 3 series BMW or a passat or jetta. I know these are typically nicer cars thus insurance would be higher, though some people claim they're cheaper because they're more safe. Anyway, how high are we talking here? I don't need an exact number but a decent estimate would really help so I don't buy a nice car and find out I can't afford the insurance. I'm an 18 year old guy, I have NO tickets of any sort, no accidents, I commute about 20 miles to college, iv been licensed for over a year, I took drivers education. I'm under my own name not my parents so my insurance is astronomical cause I'm an 18 year old guy. Please help.""

Give three or more reasons why americans should not have health insurance?

what are three or more reasons why americans should not have health insurance

Finding a decent health insurance plan. low cost insurance.?

I'm 22 and a server I want to find insurance that will actually take care of me. where can i go to get help for this? I dont know much about insurance

Getting a license increases car insurance?

When applying for a drivers license for the first time, i was wondering if it increases a person's car insurance; even if the person that is getting the license doesnt have a car, and is under the age of 18.""

Will my car insurance represent me in getting claim from other person's car insurance company?

Wife got in accident with teenage girls that was at fault. Other driver had insurance, and I'm dealing with them, but because they say my car is totalled as its older and not worth a lot, they offered me some money, but when I go to buy a similar car online, I see I'm short a few thousand. They are being a bit difficult and have my car at a lot ( I know mistake but they said they only were going to look at it, now its gone). I don't have a lot of pull but will complain as much as I possibly can - was on phone for nearly hour today. Question: Do you think that my insurance company will help me get money from the other insurance company of the at-fault party? I have not contacted them yet.""

Charged with impaired and insurance (CANADA)?

I was charged with impaired driving when i was 21. I fought it in court and it did nothing but make me spend lots of money and drag things out even more. Now i am 24 and get my full license back at the end of this month. I have had my license for the last year but with the interlock ignition condition on it. Not being able to afford the ignition interlock i decided to not drive. I am seeking advice from a insurance broker or somebody who has been charged with impaired and has gone through this. ON average what do you think i will be paying for insurance? Do you have any suggestions to make? I have a feeling i wont be able to afford it and will still take public transportation but i am curious. Please only answer if you have dealt with this situation

Medicaid & Medicare question Comprehensive Insurance?

I was wondering if Medi-Cal is comprehensive insurance? then when I can get Medicare I can decline it! I am getting SSDI right now and medicaid is good for me! thanks

Changing motorcycles and insurance question?

Long story short I have got a new bike. The bike I am Insured on has about 2 months left before I gather another year no claims. However, I was wondering would/do Insurance companies offer a way for me to transfer the next/last 2 months to my new bike (At a possible cost) then charge me a full year when its due (In 2 months) Any help will be appreciated. I don't want to phone my insurance up cause every time I phone someone like that and tell them I have a new bike I want to insure they go crazy and keep phoning me! I have 1 years NCB and i'll be 18 in 2 months (when I will get 2 year NCB) Cheers Geoff""

What are some good insurance companies?

I am 20 years old, working part-time, living on Connecticut and making around 800 a month. I was wondering if any one has some ideas of good but affordable health insurance I would be able to buy on my own?""

Will the cost of my car insurance decrease if I have a provisonal license?

My friend told me this but I think it's rubbish.. I am 17 next week and he told me that if I get a provisional license now and get all my lessons done/pass my tests and get my full drivers license, then wait until I'm 20 to buy a car, the insurance would be cheaper than if I passed my tests when I am 20 and buy a car straight away. (assuming I use the same company/ deals) Is this true or is he charting ****?""

Roughly how much would it cost to insure a 17 year old male on a renault clio 1.2?

Its silver and just a standard model (not sport or anything extra etc..) And is from 2002 (51 reg) any help appriecated thanks :)

Car insurance?

Car Insurance help? I have a provisional liscence and my husband has a full liscence. Our insurance is full comp. He is covered to drive any car. Does that also apply to me if someone is sat by the side of me.

Is they liberal comparison of medical insurance to car insurance flawed?

under obamacare,i cannot be refused because of a pre-existing condition...great right?...i dont have to get health insurance...the fine from the IRS will be cheaper...i can just wait till i get sick to enroll...would some one explain to me how car insurance would work if i waited until the day of the wreck to get insurance..???...""

Is there ANY way a 19 year old male can pay less than $200 for car insurance for a:?

2013 v6 Premium Mustang??

Can my car be on my parents car insurance?

Im 19 years old and im buying a car and would like to know if my car can be on my parents insurance. The car will be in my name only, my old car was in their names so therefore it was on the insurance. I have been under their insurance for the past 3 years. i would like to know if im able to be under my parents insurance.""

Help i had a car accident driving a company car with no insurance?

i hit a car, unsafe start, i find out theres no insurance. I called my boss and he is furious and tells me i should put my insurance from my other cars to it and that i should pay for the accident. i dont know what to do i need help and advice""

How do I get back a revoked license in Colorado without owning a car or having car insurance?

When I had my license revoked for DWAI in Colorado, I was told that I could get my license back when a year was over by submitting an SR-22 form. The way I understand it, you can't get an SR-22 form unless you have car insurance. Is this correct? I don't have a car or car insurance, so how do I get my license back?""

Health insurance for foreigners?

I am from India & I would like to know about the health insurance options for indians working in Malaysia. My husband is working but I am a housewife. His company takes care of his insurance. We are trying for a baby and I would like to know about the health insurance options for foreigners in Malaysia.

What kind of insurance do you need?

can a black cab be driven on a normal insurance or do you need a different insurance to drive it .

How much would insurance cost for a 97 Mazda Miata?

I'm thinking about getting my 16 year old son a 1997 Mazda Miata with about 110,000 miles. I have 3 cars currently with state farm. I do plan on selling one car to buy the miata. I have a clean driving record myself. My son in an honors student. He has completed drivers Ed. He hasn't gotten in any wrecks yet. Any idea of how much insurance would be a month for him?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/auto-insurance-quotes-college-students-ryan-george/"

[frecklesandpie-blog]

1.12.17-4.12.17

1.12 So I ended up not going to that event. But I think I'm going to try and go next week though . I think i am. My dad was great because I closed all my notes on time in my standards, and I left only fifteen minutes after eight which is like the second time i was able to do that. Many more to come. When i think about how overwhelmed I was I think the underlying thought was that I might not get over it. But if I think about what I did to get the things done, which is recognize my need to feel important and connected, realizing that I need to work on getting that need met in life rather than with client, recognizing my fear of rejection and criticism, and paying off by typing in sessions with clients, and doing that for the past two weeks since I returned, it actually didn't take as long as I thought to be able to get to the point where I wanted to be. A big portion of it was just psychological barriers.  Now it's the weekend soon and I need to deal with the presentation and the paper. One thing at a tine tho  I'm going to focus on remember ing stuff for the presentation first.

1.14 so I got over the presentation.the role play was fun, and I spoke fast for the presentation but I still go my points across and made eye contact. I think i did well given the limited amount of time I had to prepare . I'm heading home and I'm so excited to just lay there and do nothing between now and tomorrow noon ish. It feels weird to not be thinking about the presentation because that was my main preoccupation for the past few days. But in glad tho and very happy that I have free time. For this weekend I wanna work on that excel for intervention phrases. And organize all of that. I think. I also want to study or review the cognitive techniques. And finally just work on that family therapy paper. Yup . I will probably write a few pages . My main thing us napping for now. Yup.

1.18 The weekend was great. I got so many things done. And apparently at internship I am good enough note wise to be able to do some notes on my own. I'm sure other interns like Haley got that notice too. I want us all to be hired heh heh. Ive been nervous like all day today though. Nervous about first patient bc he seemed so intimidating . Nervous about the second guy bc he seems upset that I'm an intern but I did just conclude that without much evidence. And nervous about that other girl who seems so smart that I'm intimated by her too. And the n I think of all the nervousness I need to get through to become the therapist I want to become and that overwhelms me. I think of how I want to function better brain wise in my session too and I feel overwhelmed bc it feels impossible to me at this time. But then again a few months ago I thought managing the session time was impossible and compiling the notes was close to impossible. And being where I'm at risk assessment wise was also almost impossible and maneuvering epic the way I know now is also almost impossible. I feel like I'm slowly being sucked into their managed care way of thinking crap and I am not fond of that at all. Even right now I'm nervous. I think it's because of the celexa. It's gotta be that .

1.26 Hey there. I haven't journaled in a while. I think it's because I've been so tired and also busy with school and trying to enjoy my time that I had paper free. I feel like I've been quite distant from him. Or we have a quite distant. Like he's just playing video games and when he's not he's watching videos and we're not really interacting. It may be because we've been walking Chloe for the past 10 days and he's like a baby and needs to curl up and do his stuff when he feels overwhelmed by all the chores. But it's just weird. It feels like we havent been as interested sexually either. It maybe because of the Celexa. Which I'm going to talk to the psychiatrist about. Yesterday I went to an anxiety support group. Paid 9 but it was worth it. I realized from going to the group that when I have other domains in my life, it puts the internship and school and him into context. And I'm going to continue to do that. I think one thing that I have been reluctant to admit is that I've been getting tired of seeing his face and being with him physically so much. Like I need my space and I don't doubt that he feels the same way. Which is why I'm trying to go out more so that he also has his own time and maybe go out more.

I had a rough day at internship today. So many suicide work flows  and assessments. I m frustrated they keep coming up with things to correct for me. Sigh. Really annoy  but I'm going to see it as an opportunity to learn to do assessments accurately.my brain was just fried towards to end and my morale down. Sigh I was thinking unable to finish at 8 and ended up leaving around like 9:30 which I have to say I haven't done in around three weeks at least so that's good. Hopefully that won't be an issue since I will have regular patient going onwards next week and just way less psychosocials. I can do this. This is the environment that people work in. This is. It's true. So I will adjust to it and learn to adapt. And learn to manage my anxiety and tolerate it even since its not a stable enduring thing.

1.27 I'm feeling pretty sleepy today and down. Down probably partially bc he's going home today and won't be back til Sunday and he had some text from sal about a "beta invite" asking him if he wants to go. And those texts were later deleted. I don't know what a beta invite is but I feel demoralized that he hides stuff from me. I mean I already know he watches porn but what else? I also feel down because I have to go to the family dinner thing later and I'm dreading it.im dreading seeing them again. Having then evaluate me. Me helping with chores because I feel I have to please them. Mr dealing with the crap about oh yeah I'll drive you home and then making me feel guilty about not. I guess i don't have to feel guilty about it.and then that stupid fricken long trip. Taking those trips for like 20 years of my life is long enough. I don't need to d o more of it. See more hoarding  . See more things I hate  be reminded more of things I hate. I just wanna lay home in the warmth and nap and do nothing today so I have a break from everything  . I am quite excited to have Saturday and sunday to myself though. Quite excited. I was planning to just chill today and do nothing while pursuing clinical interests on those days. I dunno.i feel kinda down though suspicious. @@dream We were living in my old house. Yamoni hasn't returned from vacation and we're worried. Chloe let out of backyard. Found toe.pretty sure it was his. Old lady came out of no where asking for us to support her and care for her for a bit. In wheelchair. We said yes. Then we moved to big house all of the sudden. Lost his toe in the progress.i found it amidst a bunch of stuff . Then old act suspicious. I followed her. Followed her to mall to a family event at the mall I was already going to . Saw that she was being suspicious. She got caught and was not actually in wheel chair. She got up to run. People got onto her. Turns out she killed him for his money and was taking our money this whole time. My family wa s there and I told  him to act inconspicuous as if we were friends.  some family event for myself. My mom said I told you so. She couldnt be trusted even though she totally trusted him. Then we went to some church event. I bumped into some old church acquaintances. I noted they saw me wearing glasses. Then i wento change into contacts. Saw a black girl in dark bathroom. Needed her to be there bc I freaked out.other people in big bathroom stalls were Asian. She was only black girl. Everything was really dirty. I was trying not to pollute my contacts.

1.28 Today was just an awesome day. Yesterday was awesome too. I'm not going to lie, him being gone is like stereo noise gone. Everything is so peaceful. I enjoyed it. Today I didn't pursue any clinical stuff.i spent pretty much the whole day reorganizing stuff in the room. Most of it was my stuff anyway. And then i put up the new shelf which is si beautiful .I m going to take nubs out tomorrow. And I'll probably pursue some clinical things tomorrow.

2.1 Hello there. I haven't been in the mood to journal as extensively for some reason. I was thinking about it today and I realized for sure that I do have stuff on my mind, it's just putting what's on my mind to paper has been difficult. Yesterday was my first day of class. How did I feel about it? Well research was good. I talked to people. There were people I knew. I think I wanna be friends with the Joe guy. I think. And then next was clinical 4 which was not bad either because I spoke with the girl next to me. I think I wanna try and talk to people more. Just like comments. Not necessarily conversation because probably like me, they're wondering who in the classroom they can trust or feel comfortable with. And me using my voice and smiling helps with their perception of me. I find that planning our even a few minutes beforehand what I want to say and how I want to portray myself helps. The last class was the one that's triggering. I saw two quiet people. Then I saw that outspoken girl. Maybe impartially jealous of her and that's why im hating. That's probably it. But I do want to make if a goal to portray myself as friendlier bc rhen I wouldn't have to focus my mind on making friends but just portraying myself as friendly. I think the goal or expectation of making friends is way unrealistic at this point. I think I need to focus on feeling comfortable with people. Or more like feeling comfortable being more friendly and outreaching with people. I'm going to my professional seminar class now. I hope that girl isn't there. I wanna try and be more friendly and not take unfriendly reactions or less than friendly reactions to my friendliness less personally. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. It doesn't mean I did anything wrong. I just met this person. It more than likely means that's the way that person reacts to me in those circumstances. I made it a goal yesterday of reinforcing my own boundaries at home and I feel good about it. I ended the show watching on my own terms and he played video games while I did reading .I quite enjoyed it because then , on my end, I didn't feel like I was rejected, and felt like I had control over what I wanted to do and felt the desire the pursue my clinical interests. On his end, I think it helps him feel less guilty about playing video games, and more free. Definitely more free. I imagine he probably feels the way I feel when my mom isn't saying things like are you going to see me this weekend? Or it's so late why you go home so late. It feels much freer when she's not saying those things and basically giving me space. Yesterday night was awesome too. I did the process recording. Spent an hour on it and then chilled for the rest of the night. Tonight is a late day. I'm scared that I might end up leaving later. And I really dont want to do that. I really really dont. Like from a 1 to 10, it's a 10 that I don't want to leave later. I'm going to try to not do that by ending early on my hour sessions. Like 20 min earlier. I'm excited to have no where to go on Friday. I guess that actually would help make up for Saturday because I have my allergist appt that day, I'll be seeing Kiki that day. And I kinda want to go to the party on that day. So I can practice going up to people and talking to them. I also can't wait to cut my hair tomorrow! The only thing I'm worried about is possibly feeling too exhausted by the time I see Kiki. But it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. I can enjoy my time with her. I really can. I can be in touch with myself. Be comfortable. I can. And then I can bring clothes to change for the party too and contacts to change later. For when I see kiki and go to the party. I can even bring a nutter butter as an incentive. Benefits of going? It'll be a learning experience, a practice experience. It'll have positive effects on my socializing in the classroom and at internship. I would feel more comfortable and confident with that temporarily (or not temporarily)added domain to my life. Yesterday I saw that Filipino girl in class. She's at one of the cool mental health clinics and I really feel jealous. Though when I think about it there are definitely both pros and cons to psychoanalysis and the so called evidence based practices. For one evidence based ones are in higher demand and more "popular" on managed care terms , though my interest does lie in psychodynamic orientation.  Plus. It may be that she is learning that way if thinking now but I will too. I will take those classes and learn too. I will get there. Also if I had actually gone to a more psychodynamic place I would've sort of partially consolidated my prejudices towards the"evidence based " practices. And would not realize as I do now how useful and effective and helpful it can be.

2.6 Happy Monday.. I'm not too excited that it's Monday but I don't dread it to much either. I was going to do my process recording this morning but I realized that i needed to journal to clear my mind. My weekend was too awesome and relaxing. I did nothing on Friday. Then i saw mom on Sat and also went to a lunch class with Kiki. The kung fu class was interesting. But what was great was that I really felt like I did enjoy my time with Kiki. I originally wanted to go to a party afterwards but I realized that it would probably drain me way too much and that it was best to start small. Today though I am craving more social interactions .I tried to look to see if there were any meetup today but I didn't see any that interested me. Tomorrow I have a support group thing at 7 that I might go to. I might. Not sure. I'm thinking though that since it's at 7,the two hours before that would be a great opportunity to get homework done. Since on Friday I have all these appointments and will probably see mom then. That's what I'm thinking. Because if I get my homework done then then I'd have the whole Saturday to chill :D which would be awesome. When I think about Saturday I'm also craving to go to some social event. I think unfortunately though I wish it was me, it's probably the Zoloft and the new chemicals in my body that makes me crave this. Whatever though. I'm going to be on it for a few months and I'm going to make the best of those few months. Did I tell you how classes were? I think I did. I was and still am glad that I was able to speak up twice I think in two of the classes. That perfectionist girl right now is where I'm channeling my resentment unfortunately, but I'm not even acting out on it. Tomorrow i have classes again and I think I'm going to focus on  talking more to people. For research I can talk to Kristi I think. For clinical I can talk to that new ish friend ish girl . I think her name is Jillian  and probably someone else  that class too. I want to because it's my last semester and I have nothing to lose. I just gotta seem Friendlier and people should be more likely to talk to me on their own too. I also gotta work on more eye contact. And then that last class is like the most intimidating . Let me brainstorm where would be the best place for me to ditto feel mist comfy... Probably with Tara ? But then in my head I think ew I'd be sitting with the quieter people. but it's okay. My goal is to be comfortable talking in class for that class specifically . I've been unintentionally thinking about ifh this past weekend even though it's something I don't want to do.  I guess it's just the fact that they see me somewhat positively has given me hope that I could potentially work there. I know I'm just building my hopes up for half and half reasons but I'm going to allow myself to do that because its not like I'm not going to look for jobs just because I'm putting all my eggs in the ifh basket. Because i still will look for jobs. But now that they see me more positively there has been twice where my mind has gone to the place where I worry imight "fail" that image in someway. The thing is that it would be hard for me to "fail" that image because this whole time.. the things that I do and the decisions I make was based on my own standards (which I refuse to let other people label as perfectionist or "low self esteem") and was also based on my own desire and own drive and motivation  for clinical development. None of it was based on their standards. Im going to brainstorm though and think about what some or thing criteria they have are that I met that has led them to see me more positively.. I stay later to be sure I finish my notes I mostly try to check off all the checklists of a note I am able to put in fine phone outreaches I reach out to Alex and Jennifer when it requires. I reach out to Tory when I have questions. I make sure I do all the suicide assessments with each red banner patient . I show self awareness with patients. Or try to. I show initiative in learning on my own. I try to write progress notes on my own standards. I checked the clinicians standards and previous comments before sending a note to them. I smile to other staff. In general I do. I try to manage my own care team by following up and doing letters and discharges. Which I want to continue to do.

I want to work more in managing my own care team. I want to work on referring to care management or something. I want to be more I do si assessments via phone with red banner patient s. I want to more readily reach out to other clinicians or collateral contacts. And documenting them. I want to work on being a little more talkative with other people and clinicians.

Yeah. In feeling nervous right now but I think it's because I want to poo...when I get home today I also want to work on reviewing clinical development. Possibly turning that CBT and act word doc into progress note language. Possibly ly. But that task sounds quite daunting right now. Maybe I can work on just a part, or small part, of one doc.

2.7 I'm not going to lie. I feel depressed. I talked to people in my first and last class today b it I also just wanted to fall asleep. I felt my mind going to the conclusion that I will never make friends. But I didn't conclude that. It was leading up to it because I looked around the room and saw how everyone was do different from me. Them and their social work values. And then i see people who are similar and I feel distained to associate with them. Last night I had a scary dream. I was somehow about to marry Roger. And my mom and his mom and the church was there and they called both of our names up. And I was like hold up. I f this marriage is going to work I'm going to have to talk to him first. At one pt I even looked in the crowd and saw cousin Alan and for some reason thought that it was a possibility for alan to tell Roger about my relationship with chub. And I told him I was in a relationship with him for 7 years. That I even had sex. That I don't want kids. That I want to do missionary stuff and he said okay we will still get married. And then i thought okay he wants to still marry me. I will just break off my relationship with him. And marry him. And my mom was look at us and his mom was looking at us. I hate the accountability and publicity and just the public life. I hate it. I woke up and I was like what? No he's already my husband. And I love him and would not do that to him. I'm ongoing to lie that a part of me does because of the Christian life and the public life andIt just feels like of free but also not free. It's 5:30 right now and I'm not going to lie I feel down. I just want to curl in bed. Which h gets even more depressing . I do though. I just want to curl in bed and eat junk food.

2.8 So I ended up napping until he came home. Well I guess before that I also watched a comedy show. I'm feeling okay today. When I think about me making friends though i m still inclined to feel hopeless. Though the fact is now at this time of my life I'm not even trying to make friends. I'm trying to just feel comfortable interacting with people. I think of how I'm going to graduate without having made that many friends and I just feel left out and held back by my social inhibition. I thought of how I have tomorrow at internship before the weekend comea and I'm just like eh.imnot really looking forward to tomorrow. But what am I dreading that's so bad? I guess one thing I know for sure I dread is having to do that psychosocial tomorrow before I leave. That most likely will take extra time. Though my goal is to limit the amount of time needed so that I stay extra the least amount of time. I then think about the weekend and I just don't even feel that enthusiastic about it. I've really been craving social interactions. O mean I guess if I really really wqnted to. I could go somewhere. You know what I'm going to go somewhere. Whether or not I feel like actually going to the actual event. And if I look on meetup and feel inhibited I'm going to really critically think about why I do not want to go. I think I've also definitely been feeling empty a little. In my soul. I definitely have. I was going to bring an intervention book to read for tonight when I'm on the rrain but I thought I'd probably feel quite drained by then. The other thing is that every morning. Most mornings, I get very excited about reading the intervention books at night, but rhen in general by the time I'm home I just wanna do nothing. I think if I feel the same way tonight I'm going to aim to just finish or get close to finishing the depression chapter tonight. I'm going to have an hour to do it anyway. Or at least half an hour? Or maybe not because I also want to do nubs humidifier and refill his water and maybe take him out. I think I might prioritize that but I'm not completely certain .

2.10 sigh I've been feeling bored. And maybe even a little empty. Today is Friday and this week when I get home I've just either been sleeping or pursuing clinical stuff. Don't get me wrong the pursuing clinical stuff is great because that's something that I had such a hard time getting myself to do, but it's like aside form that I don't have much excitement in my life. I've been  thinking about going to do social stuff just to feel some excitement. When u go home he's just playing video games,then I feel bored and do my stuff and sleep early. We havent been talking much at all. It's like we are just two separate people living in the same room. Which I'm going to be fine with because I've been wanting to experience a break from him. I think the only reason I don't feel it's fine is because I'm missing the feel of connecting with someone. I'm sure this disconnection from each other isn't permanent anyway. And if it is still this way next week, then I'm going to see what this new way of living is like and what I learn and get out of it.  But anyway I've been tempted in my mind to lament him not spending time with me but I'm not going to act on that. I think him pursuing the things he wants to do while I am home is a positive sign of him being able to be himself and feel at home when home. And I'm going take this feeling of lack of connection and do something with it by socializing more. Today tho I have just been at my dentist all morning. The longest wait ever. I'm going to the psychiatrist afterward and then the allergist before j see mom. He suggested yesterday to work out tonight. I think I don't feel motivated but it's something I want to be a regular part of my life so I think I might agree to it. I might. Not sure  . I'm going to tolerate this distance between me and him because it's an opportunity for me to pursue life

2.11 I just went to a support group and it was pretty good. Too bad the guy charges 10 for 250. Well to be accurate, it was good in the sense that I did well. And now I am craving for more. I tried looking and I didn't see anything that interested me. I got this girls number today which was awesome. It makes me feel so empowered like I could just make friendquaintences with the snap of a finger. I feel like I want to go again to a social event tomorrow to make friendquaintences. Either to the board game one or the support group one or even both . I think my goal at this time is to make friendquaintences not friends. It feels great. It's probably the Zoloft so thank you Zoloft.

I would consider today to be a pretty productive day. I went to the support group, made a friendquaintance, Then saw mom for a few hours. It was completely enjoyable. I felt a bit suffocated bc I was reminded of stuff and then i started worrying about his mom and my mom meeting. But it's under control because I will continue to do what I am doing which is meeting my mom at places I know his mom won't be at and continuing to check where his mom is. I think I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. There's a job fair in like three weeks and I don't feel prepared for it at all. And so I've been binge watching this show for a few hours. I am quite enjoying the fact that he's not here but I'm also scared because it feels like we're getting tired of each other. And losing the interest. Which is really scary. It is. And it's hard for me to admit it. I'm going to make the to do list for the job fair tho. I am. I'm going to do it.

2.12 I made the to do list for the job fair and even worked on some of it. Pat on the back. I feel nervous tho. Why? I'm nervous because I also wanted to work on my clinical stuff too but now I also have this job thing on my to do list. I mean the job thing is obviously more important. I just feel like I'm missing out on clinical stuff I wanted to do and when I think about doing clinical stuff I feel like I'm missing out on job fair stuff. And then when I think of job fair stuff I'm like really stressed and nervous. What to do what to do... I was thinking that I'd spend the rest of the day today working on clinical and then start job fair stuff tomorrow since I'm so stressed so then that just continues to keep the stress about the job fair at that level, if not increase it. So I think I might do a tiny bit of clinical? I dunno  .

2.13 I ended up working in my resume which felt awesome that I worked on it. I'm glad for my anxiety because it alerts me to what is most important and priority  . Did I tell you that I also signed up for a Bible study group. For the first time I made it public that I am married and it felt really scary. The reality is still scary to bear. I wasn't excited to go to internship today.but when I think about Wednesday it wasn't that bad. I quite enjoyed it and was able to finish my notes in time. I think I feel bad because i need to continue working on finishing up my notes in time. Especially in the morning because otherwise im quite backtracked. I'm going to work on that today. Hopefully. I think I just dreaded it because I ve been used to associating the internship with the stress and not being able to pee when I need or fill my water when I need. Which is all the more reason to work on ending my sessions early or on time. I'm glad I decided to work on the resume thing yesterday instead of pursuing clinical stuff. I think for now, I'm going to push pause on clinical so I can work on the job fair stuff. At least pause it until I feel working on clinical would give my mind a break or pause it when I feel I really want to skim the clinical so that I know what to do. I think I'm a bit in denial of the fact that the job fair is a legitimate thing I can get a job from. Like people and agencies legitimately go and put their stand there because they know msw are graduating and they know they want to hire people. I have experience. I pursue clinical interests in my own time. I have books for it too. My worry now is that I remember looking at some of the jobs and some seem to include case management or children. Yuck. I hate both of those. Well children I don't genuinely hate, I just prefer to get in touch with my hate for them as a defense. I'm going to be sure I get people's numbers especially Jillian's tomorrow during class . I wanna talk to people about the job thing too.

2.16 I got Jillian's number and this other girls number. The girl is named Tatiana. I was watching her talking to this other girl and she seemed so relaxed . I was eavesdropping and I wish i was that close to someone. I think of cyclical psychodynamics and I wonder if I'm missing something that plays a big role in connecting to others. Like maybe being more vulnerable and reaching out more with a balance.l instead of kind of putting up my guards. Though I must say I have let down my guards a lot since I took Zoloft.a part of me wished that I achieve this myself, a part of me is grateful for the changes and have decided to make the most out of it while I'm on it. It's better to have established friendships and then deal with the sa rather than the other way around. I'm going to an anxiety group later. I'm excited. Tho a bit worried that they may cancel the group because there's literally only two people going. Me and this other girl ans the organizer but I'm going to take that as an opportunity to be able to talk freely with strangers and try to make friends. And then I'm seeing Paul. I didn't see him last week because of the blizzard and it was okay. I'm not sure what to talk about today. I am not. I've been feeling very awesome during the mornings lately. I think taking Zoloft and sleeping earlier has definitely been helping with that. Also praying and listening to the Bible in the mornings. This morning I was in a good mood and I thought of the job fair and for the first time ever I was excited about it and saw it as a great great opportunity to talk about my skills and what I've learned and how I'll contribute to their company and to be the best version of me. Even if I don't get a job it will be a great learning experience and I'll get a lot of our the experience. Especially the psychological ease of knowing that I've done something. And overcome such a scary thing. These days I go about my life and I'm like oh wow this is how people who aren't enslaved by anxiety go about their lives? It's such a relaxing life. O realized that this is the happiest and freest period of my life aside from the time when my innocence wasn't knocked down yet. Like I am free from my family. I have control over when I want to talk to mom. I have control over join8bg church groups, socializing opportunities, what I want  to do when I'm home. It's such an awesome period of my life. I get to do and say what I want to my family without have to suffer from the repercussions of it.

2.21 I've been procrastinating for the past two days on my job fair prep. It just feels way too overwhelming. The fact that there are so many companies I have to prepare for. The fact that I don't even know what it's like. That I've never been to q job fair before. The fact that when I think of competition like Courtney and Hailey and Hannah I just cringe. I don't know how to convey the impression that I am better than they are in anyway. I feel like they are totally on the same level I am. I think of mhsc and it just feels like I'm taking a total gamble. And then i think of the policy video I have to do, the research paper and the problem statement and I just feel overwhelmed. Coupled with the fact that I've been feeling guilty for not seeing mom this past weekend and having to see her this upcoming weekend and also not wanting to see her.ivr been watching shows all day and I feel crappy. The thing is that I've been doing fine on Friday and Sat but didn't start procrastinating til Sunday.on Sunday I got this flash of panic of not being able to do well. I think that might be when I started to freak out. Coupled with the fact that I have freakin dumb process recordingsto do tomorrow and having to do stuff with him tonight. I just wanna curl up in bed and Kay here forever while the stronger me prepares and deals with the job fair. And then I'll wanna come back out again and face the world.

2.23 .I feel like I wanna just lay in bed and crumble up. Whats the matter? I have a job fair in two weeks and an interview for ifh in two weeks. I thought the job fair was enough and I was already worrying about whether or not I'd be able to handle that. But now there's an interview too? I spoke with Alison yesterday about her interview and it was way too much for my mind to handle. I mean I have the ability to think of cases and how I handle them and the ability to consider and use evidenced based practices and describe them but it's two much for two weeks. Oh I sure do not doubt that i'm over thinking the job fair. Maybe all I need to do is cone up with a description of myself and my experiences. And then give them my resume. My goal is for an interview anyway. The ifh interview is a great opportunity for the interview experience you know?  Yeah I agree. It's just I have this fear that I'll just get overwhelmed screw up the job fair and then get stuck at ifh or worse not even get the ifh position and just feel stuck. I hate feeling stuck and trapped. Sometimes I feel stuck and trapped in my own issues other times I feel stuck and trapped in external circumstances. The worst that can happen in my mind is that I don't get the ifh position and Hailey does and I'll then just feel unworthy compared to her. Feel that i'm not good enough or something.

3.2 Okay. Hi. Guess what's going on.. I have a job fair tomorrow.im signing a lease tomorrow.. and I have an interview on Monday. I was quite overwhelmed and complaining but you know what it's great that I have time tonight to prepare more. I want to work at mhsc. I do. I'm overwhelmed and nervous because I have aderral in my system and because I found new info about thrive that I want to be able to know by tomorrow. I'm also nervous about whether or not my "pitch" is good enough. I mean at it core I just need to say all the things that meet their requirement so it's not that difficult. It's not difficult at all I would say. I just need to say it a couple of times. My most important priority is mhsc and then community health and maybe sus. Maybe. And  also worried about this weekend.. jusg seeing all those new questions for the ifh interview really threw me off. But you know what it's okay because I can use old experiences. I think it's definitely doable. It's just me doing well with mhsc tomorrow so I can fully focus on ifh. One thing at a time. I'm focusing on mhsc tonight. What do they want? Willingness to work with high need communities. And I will. And prior experience with primary care. Etc.

3.6 Hey there.. I just left ifh with my dog collar unfortunately. I interviewed with them today and was actually able to say almost all of the things I wanted to say and wasn't like almost unable to breathe either. I just questionwhether or not they were impressed with me because there weren't many laughs and Laura talked about some part time jobs instead of full. Jennifer also checked out at times. Sigh. Whatever  I really did do the next I've ever done on an interview and now that u have this experience I wouldn't have to prepare as much for my future interviews. I think I'm going to apply for mhsc for sure. Sigh. I don't want to do it after i grt home but I'm going to have to because I need the job. I'm also going to look into the other jobs that people mentioned to see what I can get for interviews. I feel like I've fought the hardest part of the battle and I think that if i don't have a full time job in the end then i most likely will at least have a part time. Which is good enough for now because that's better than being jobless for sure.

3.8 I feel a bit out of it. I don't know if it's because I was so full on mode into preparing the job interview and now that it's over in like what? This is all that I had to deal with in life befoee the interview happened? And everything seems so underated. Yup that definitely contributes to it. The other thing is just me knowing that my next steps are preparing for the mhsc interview and moving. And maybe applying to other jobs. The thing about the mhsc is I'm scared f8 start preparing for it because I haven't even gotten an interview invitation. But you know what preparing for it befoee hand and then getting the invitation is better than not preparing and feeling completely stressed immediately after they notify me. So I'm going to start on that. Whats the coat anyway? That I get disappointed? Well that's okay because I've been disappointed before. I keep thinking back to the ifh interview and feeling I did almost nothing else. Almost. Nothing else. But slayed it. But at the same time I'm scared to think that because of their poker faces and because of what Laura said about the part time job and her stropping me when we got further into the next steps. I mean me feeling bad about rhat isn't going to do anything so what I'm going to focus on instead is moving and the mhsc interview. I realized after speaking with them that i would SO rather so the same exact work at mhsc even if they have the same unrealistic expectations  and learn Chinese more and have a new superviaoe than continue at that hellhole. Hah. Maybe that's why I'm dreading going there today. Because I've just been calling it a hellhole. Hell hole hell hole hell hole.today is Wednesday and I'm probably going to get home around 9pm tonight. Tonight I'm going to start thinking about the next steps for the jobs. Before tonight I'm going to  respond to that Amanda lady. I honestly don't even want to talk to anyone else at the job fair except mhsc. I think I'm putting myself in a rabbit hole tho because I'm just really limiting my options..

3.13 Hello there love.i was wishing for a day off this week so so badly and now I have tomorrow off which is awesome. I want to do my interview stuff but at the same time I feel like I'm doing a gamble because I don't know if I'll feel motivated. If anything what I have learned is that my motivation builds as I start doing things and get into it. I really hope they call me for an interview though because its been exactly one week .

3.16 I ve  been so out of touch with myself and my thoughts. Proof? Look at how short my entries are. I'm going to make an effort to be in touch with the thoughts today  . So I'm going to internship now. I called out yesterday because I just didn't feel like going to class or internship.plus the last time I actually called out sick was last semester. Calling out sick once this semester doesn't hurt. The reason I called out though is because I've been so absorbed into the fact that almost all I want in life is about to come true. Balcony. Bunny. Own place to walk around naked and do whatever I want. Own place where I can sing where ever I want. No one knows where I live. It's too amazing to me. And I'm just so excited that the fantasy is about to come true that I find it hard to contain myself. And to even focus on the potential interview  . When I think of my excitement tho, it's kind of dampened by the fact that he still is going to wanna go home. Like I feel like I'm competing with his mom or something -.-  but whatever I am going to appreciate the alone time. Like really really appreciate it. The only reason I could contain myself enough to go to work today is because I only have like four patients in total. And then i plan to leave. If they decide not to hire me..it would be because I had a stupid doctors appt on monday and couldn't stay  for a patient. I do sort of regret not staying tho. But whatever. I've been not worrying as much about work because he got his 9000 back and so I feel I have back up. Worse comes to worse I'll do fee for service . It can't be that bad I think  ... I just need to get my lmsw . And I can even apply for the other jobs. I spoke with like three places and didn't get to talk to them. It can't b that back.  I can't possibly have cut my ties to the rest of the world by not sending thank you emails to like three agencies. I can't wait to leave and pack today. Like I can't even wait til therapy is over. I regret not calling out either  . Sigh.  Whatever I'm sure I'm going to get something out of it  . You know what's really scary though? The fact that im so caught up by all of this that it scares me to know that none of this is permanent. I feel the pull of worldliness and materialism. I want to use what I have to glorify God. I don't want to not want him. I don't. And I will start once everything I settled  . Though for now I am praying .

3.16 So I'm heading to therapy now. So glad the day went by so quick. So glad. I'm glad I enjoy my job and that it goes by fast. I don't even know what I'm going to talk about in therapy. Probably my excitement but then also frustration about how mom still asked me why I didn't see her and proceeded to tell me about this old lady. And then kept asking if I have bf. Maybe I think in myhead that having bf means I abandon her. I don't know how tot think of it because I did crave her affection less after i got with him. And it's just so annoying. And in going to tell him about the interview thing.maybe maybe not. I dunno

3.18 I am so excited about this interview opportunity. It seems like the interview is only half an hour and I will need to convey all my strengths in half an hour. I will need to check off all their check boxes in half an hour. I will review all essential interview questions and internalize them so that the essential points and strengths are communicated. This is a great opportunity but it's not a big deal if I don't get it .I will just get another job if that's the case. But ideally because I already have this opportunity lined up. I will do my best to maximize my chances of getting it so I can also maximize the amount or number of opportunities available to me. It is 11:16 right now. I'm going to make tea and drink jugs of water today. I am going to track. Not judge.but track what I spend every hour doing today. I am so blessed.i don't deserve this apartment but now that I am here.i can focus on the thing that I need to focus on it.i can postpone all apartment things until after. No rush. I have all that I have ever wanted and needed and now I can focus on job.

3.20

I feel so exhausted. Today is my first day going to Manhattan from the new place. I hope the amt of time it says on google maps to get there is actually the amount of time. If it is, it's about 10m more than the usual amt of time but the trade off of a new neighborhood and mom not knowing where I live is so so worth it. I found out yesterday that the sunlight in the apartment is actually different from the old place . Here, I get direct sunlight in the morning as opposed to the majority of the afternoon. I'm a little disappointed but if I think about it, if I got another apartment with the sun in the afternoon I would be wondering what it's like and how awesome it'd be to have sun in the morning. So I'm going to be happy with it. I'm going to enjoy it . I do enjoy it. I am and want to be a morning person. I think I am just especially extremely exhausted today because I only had four hours of sleep. I feel so worried because I'm afraid they won't approve my interview time on Wed. Sigh.

3.22 Guess what?! I did the mhsc interview. That's about all the jobs I will be interviewing for until I get a lmsw and then apply for other jobs. I am so amazingly glad to have gotten that over with. I don't think I did poorly. They seem to be impressed by my evidence based therapy skills.  Well .I guess if they place me in a sucky place then I'll just go with ifh.i mean I don't know what im talking about because I haven't even gotten a rejection or acceptance. Either way I'm so excited to go home and enjoy my new home without worrying about the interview stuff:) it's too amazing. Way too amazing. I see Paul tomorrow and have the allergy appt tomorrow. I just cannot wait to be home and do nothing. This is too amazing. Way too amazing. Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God.

3.26 I went to bed at 7 because my freedom allowed me.but now it's 12 and Im hungry and I've just been dreaming nightmares. My last nightmare was the nightmare of my life. Pregnancy. Having to explain myself. Being stuck with him who only acted like another child for me to take care of. Being exposed and know by people who told my family. Having to make up lies. Being stuck with a child. Horrifying. Horrifying. Horrifying. I don't know if it's because I'm hungry or what because if that's the case I'm going to eat something. I feel so free. So so free. Free to  hang out. Free to be out late.   Great you proud of yourself? I lied to get myself out of having to see my family and to have to go all the way back to Queens village. I hate the trip. I just hate it more than I would like to admit. But that doesn't give me an excuse to lie. No excuse is an excuse to lie. I lie way too easily. And way too readily . Well now it's 7:34 in the morning and I'm just here. I'm seeing dad tomorrow evening. Then going to yamoni on Tuesday to fix up stuff. Wednesday I have stupid internship. And Thursday I have paul. Friday I have that training. I guess I'll just see mom on Friday night. I guess. Or maybe Saturday after i see Kiki?   It's 12:30 right now. I pretty much slept from 7last night til now. O think I just am not use to not having anything urgent and pressing to do. And so I just don't know what to do with myself. I've been having horrifying nightmares too. Nightmares of me being pregnant. Her finding out where I live. Her finding out his name.horrifying.horrifuing.well I woke up to a dream life and now it's 12:30. What am I going to do for the next day five hours? No idea . I thought about doing aswb but I don't completely feel like it. Plus I'm suppose to be on my break after doing all that interview stuff. I thought about hanging out but it's just really gloomy outside. It really is.  Maybe that's also why I'm like melancholy.

3.27. I really don't want to write this entry but I'm going to make myself do it. I've been frustrated and annoyed at him for spending so much time playing videos games. Staying up til 3am. Defying me for when I made the commen that he looks like Jerry when he does that Asian face . It makes me mad because I  see his face and am reminded of the fact that I am stuck with him. Him and his face. Which is so awful and shallow of me but that's how I feel. And it pisses me off that he is proud of it and doesn't want to change it and is resistant to any of my attempts to change it.

4.4 okay I'm really going to try and sit down and write this journal entry. I'm going home now. today was a chill day. I made a new friend. it's the Asian girl I was judging and avoiding. and we somehow happened to become friends because she's also interested in Psychodynamic.  I'm really considering attending an institute. but I want to first get confirmation that I can work at mhsc first.. which should be in two weeks. I don't think it'd be too late to apply by then. I'm going home now and originally I was going to take take a nice bath but I changed my mind and no longer felt like it because then I'd have to spend money on additional stuff. my materialism is really growing and I will take this apartment as an opportunity to manage it

4.5 so spending time Journaling didn't work out last time. I got distracted and decided to give it a try again next time which I am doing again right now. it's Wednesday and I am so so excited for tomorrow to be done with because then my break comes. I am really excited. I think when I go home I'm going to organize my desk because it's a total mess. otherwise I've been good. I accepted the ifh position but if mhsc accepts me than I'm definitely going to take that instead. I've decided accepted 50 50 gamble for a good place is better than being at a place that i know will be 75 % way too much to handle. it's just not necessary.  and if the 50 lands me at a place that I don't like the pop or with just as high expectations than at least I took the gamble and get paid more. I'm hanging out with Kristi for lunch on sat. I'm excited for that. I have been finding my self in a state of excitement and anticipation to talk to people in class. which is awesome. like seriously I haven't felt this way since high school. the difference is that in hs I was fake happy but now I'm genuinely myself and I have no idea how I have been able to get to this point. it's just too amazing to be true.  way too amazing. I find myself feeling so moved by it . I think I actually have  a few friends even though they may not be close regular hang out friends, they're still friends. mollie, Natasha,  tara, Jillian,  yunan, vicky, hailey, kiki. and I'm actually going to go to redeemer community group on monday. I just think I've been postponing things for too long. I feel ready to join and talk to people and be connected. I am married and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have things I want to do during break. mainly study for the exam but I'm afraid I'll fall into a state of not wanting to do anything. I don't know if I'll necessarily feel that way though because I feel like I've just been having a different outlook on life. it's been shifting is all I can say.  I'm waking up, enjoying the view, looking forward to go home, looking forward to talk to people, right now even all little bit of looking forward to see mom. I definitely want to call dad. looking forward to joining the community group. looking forward to hearing back from mhsc and if not it's totally okay. looking forward to getting licensed. I don't have anything debilitating anxiety pr fears of getting stuck . getting backed into a wall with no way out. I go home and my journey is most chill. not dread. I'm not feeling fatigued or tired until bed time. before I would feel that way around 8 or even earlier.  I can't believe I am capable of living this kind of a life. or that this was even a possibility or option for me.

4.8 notes for Paul from mom interaction you're like your dad . so antisocial and such a loner youre growing more and more into your dad everything I say you don't want to hear. sooner or later you aren't going to wanna hear me talk at all . you're going to not communicate with me. And you'll just forget about me. yeah you're a giant human being I'll just forget about. and I'll forget about you too because I'm old and I'll have alzheimers   it's not called gossiping. it's called communicating.   then what's gossiping. I'm not talking to you. you'll just not listen to me. I am trying tp teach you what's right and wrong and how to reason . and you won't listen. tell me what you think it is and I won't argue. you're telling me that I'm not communicating with you. here I am trying to. and you're refusing.

dream: not being able to go to conference. couldn't see the map and missing stop.  then conflict with mom. 6e silent judging.  thInking abt asking him marriage. thinking about asking paul to see me .

4.12 I'm in the middle of break now.  the first two days was a lot of laying. I definitely barely studied for the lmsw exam. I think that since I'm going to have to study it anyway, I might as well treat this as if it's a vacation. it's just hard stripping the thought of having to study away from my mind. stripping the though away that  I'm wasting time. but u think it'd really benefit me if I could really focus on relaxing and enjoying my time off. I've just been feeling depressed and not like doing anything on monday I just laid around. and slept. and then yesterday I laid, went to hone depot and then laid again. I still have a hard time believing that I'm living the life I'm living.  I think of before when i was dreaming about apartments.  I thought I'd be content with just a one bedroom apartment with sunlight.  or I'd be content with just a small balcony . but now I have a one bedroom apartment with this amazing view. with a bus that goes directly toanhattan where I don't have to deal with the jam in the morning. with a balcony that's 9 ft where I can sun bathe til noon. where I get morning sun. where the water pressure is amazing. where there are no roaches. this is more than I could ever ask for. where there's a local park. I sometimes question in my head whether basically anywhere away from mom is somewhere where I'll be happy. but it's not just that.  this place is just sincerely literally undoubtedly amazing. God what did I do or deserve this? I didn't do a thing and I don't deserve it. anyway I have just been not feeling like I'm on vacation.  before I was looking forward to chilling at home. doing home decor. but I haven't been feeling it. which is a good thing. I don't want to be tied by the collar of materialism. but I also haven't been feeling like doing the olive oil shower or painting. I think it going to try some behavioral activation on myself and probably make a smoothie tonight. I'm exited for that :)