#ive eaten so much fucking chocolate

[ourlordapollo]

Been working from home for like a week and a half bc of some HVAC issue at the office and I can feel my sanity slipping through my fingers

[boozles]

Boozle's Top Ten Movies 2023

So, this was another list in my 2023 review that was super difficult to put together. According to my Letterboxd 2023 list, I watched 178 new movies this year. (Looking at all the dramas and movies I've watched, I honestly do not know where I found the time to consume so much content?! Working from home has its plus side, I guess?)

So, it's been a bit difficult to narrow my list of favourites down, but this is what I ended up with...

(i) Barabarian (2022, Dir. Zch Cregger) This film was NOTHING like what I thought it was going to be. Split into three tales that merge together to tell the story of one house and it's history, this movie managed to surprise me and be unpredictable at each turn.

(ii) The Outlaws (2017, Dir. Kang Yun-sung) This is the first movie in The Roundup series (the fourth movie is due out in 2024) and I have to say this is my favourite Korean action franchise. Ma Dong Seok is perfect, and the action sequences are mind blowing. It has the perfect balance of crime, action and comedy, and is a definite recommendation if you're looking for a good Asian crime movie.

(iii) Evil Dead Rise (2023, Dir. Lee Cronin) I absolutely love the Evil Dead franchise, and I had initially been a little wary at this sequel due to the fact they were taking the deadite insanity into an apartment block instead of the usual little cottage in the woods. I am so glad I was wrong, because this movie was probably the best horror to come out of 2023. The cast were amazing (Morgan Davies was a stand out) and it managed to feel like an Evil Dead film but with a fresh perspective.

(iv) Dark Harvest (2023, Dir. David Slade) Okay, I couldn't find a gif from the movie so y'all will have to make do with this still image. Now, I fully expected Dark Harvest to be a lame b-movie with terrible effects and a lame storyline, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! It managed to keep me captivated, and it was extremely aesthetically pleasing. I'd love a sequel with Emily returning to town.

(v) Five Nights at Freddy's (2023, Dir. Emma Tammi) Gosh, I was so happy when I enjoyed this! I am a huge FNAF fan (though for a while I kept it on the downlow due to Cawthon's support of Trump/the Republican party) and I adore the lore, as wild and complicated as it is. The movie really managed to keep me captivated, and kept me guessing, whilst still staying true to the original canon. I cannot wait for the second installment.

(vi) Guns Akimbo (2019, Dir. Jason Lei Howden) This was a wild and fantastic film. I love watching Daniel Radcliffe get further and further away from the HP movies and prove that he's a great actor. Also, I just love Samara Weaving.

(vii) The Meg 2: The Trench (2023, Ben Wheatley) Yeah, I'm surprised to see this on my list, too. This movie was just so much fun. That's all. The effects were great, the acting was pretty good, and I just like watching sharks take out humans. IF YOU DON'T WANT EATEN BY A SEA CREATURE, STAY OUT OF THE SEA.

(viii) Ichi the Killer (2001, Dir. Takashi Miike) I don't know why it took me over 20 years to finally watch this classic, but I ended up thoroughly enjoying it! The acting was insane, the story was batshit crazy, and the effects were fantastic. I'd expect nothing less from Takashi Miike, tbh.

(ix) Salo, or 120 Days of Sodom (1975, Dir. Pier Paolo Pasolini) Okay, hear me out - was this one of my favourite movies of the year? No, it really wasn't. However, it's the movie that has probably left the biggest scar on my mental psyche of the year, therefore I had to include it. I've been fascinated by Marquis De Sade ever since I saw Quills years ago, but I never watched this movie because I knew it would do something to my brain. If you've seen the movie (or even read the book), I'm sure you understand what I mean when I saw one chapter in particular REALLY fucked me up to the point I couldn't eat chocolate for quite some time afterwards, and I struggle to not throw up when cleaning my cat's litter box these days. It takes a lot for a movie to scar me in a way that makes it pop into my mind every now and then, and this movie did that. However, I'd like to add that the point of the film isn't just to shock, but I am terrible at witing coherent analysis. If you haven't seen this movie, I would suggest doing a little research before watching, just to make sure you can handle it; it is full of triggers that I don't even want to mention because I'll probably get blacklisted. But yes. Whilst it may not be a favourite of the year, it sure left a huge impact on me.

(x) Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022, Dir. Daniel Scheinert, Daniel Kwan) I think everyone loves this movie, but I was surprised at how much I loved it! The whole message of the movie is just so brutal and honest, and whilst I know that it's probably people of Asian heritage that can relate to it the most, I feel like we all can find something in the relationships that we can relate to. The cast were fantastic and I'm so glad to see Ke Huy Quan on screen again! Heartwarming, sad, and absolutely hilarious.

Honorary Mentions: (i) Midnight (2021, Dir. Kwon Oh-seung) (ii) Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum (2018, Dir. Jung Bum-shik) (iii) Glass Onion (2022, Dir. Rian Johnson) (iv) The Night House (2020, Dir. David Bruckner) (v) I Saw the Devil (2010, Dir. Kim Jee-woon)

[anagemiinii]

ive barely eaten anything since friday, only a bit of chocolate and some donuts i baked myself which isnt the healthiest but ive fasted for 52h this weekend and now im currently at 16h and i dont plan on eating anything tmrw and if i do it wont be much ill tell u that

been living off tea and tbh thriving i love tea🫶🏻 this time ill finally fucking pull through and get skinny. i have 2 ish weeks until i leave for vacay w my brother and my ass is not gonna be fat then so fasting and restricting heavily until then it is😋

[onlybones666]

17/7/22

i fucking did it again. the day started off okay i didn’t wake up till around 2pm and went downstairs around 3. as soon as i came down my parents started nagging me to grab something to eat and i tried brushing it off saying i wasn’t hungry cause i only just got up but they made me anyways. i made the same sandwich as i had yesterday which was 300 calories. because it was hot outside we had a bbq for dinner. i didn’t have much i had one chicken breast that was slightly seasoned, some boiled new potatoes and sweet chilli dip. this was around 500 calories. however i was then offered a boost ice cream that i didn’t really want but proceeded to eat anyway. looking back i didn’t even enjoy eating it i was just eating cause i was bored. this was 220 calories. although this only made me want to eat more just because i could because it was there. i had two chocolate bars which were 180 calories each. i wanted more i felt like i needed to eat the other two that were left but i finally controlled myself again and went upstairs away from the food. i was so angry, thinking of all the different ways i could hurt myself as a punishment. instead i decided to do 200 sit-ups and a 10 minute arm workout. i don’t think i burned many calories however, probably only around 180. i have not done anything else except sit around again today so i haven’t done any other exercise. overall ive eaten 1200 and burned 180 leaving a net calories of 1020. i was going to go on the exercise bike but my parents r in bed and it would have woken them up. maybe i’ll go on it tomorrow instead cause it will be to hot to go walking outside. tomorrow i’m going to be home alone over lunch so i might fake that ive eaten something idk how though. i’ll finally get the chance to weigh in but i’m shiting myself about it already just thinking about it.

[ashstar1111]

babysitting storytime?? not a good one tho lol

its kinda long so be aware. also, sorry for any spelling/grammer mistakes, english isnt my first language.

ok so BACKROUND: theres this couple + two daughters (7 and 5 y/o) who lives two floors below me & my family, and both the parents had to work and they needed someonw to watch their girls from 8am to almost 5pm (so about 9h). 

Usually my little sis babysits for them but she had plans + she didnt feel like shes ready to babysit for so long (its the first family shes babysitting for), so she offered me the job. and me, being me, took it without thinking twice (spoiler alart, BIG MISTAKE).

so i wake up in the morning and i feel really ill, i almost threw up a few times and my stomach really hurts, but i dont have much time to worry about it so i suck it up like a big kid, drink my coffe, take the dog for a walk, come home, finish my coffe, and go to their house. 

so, get to these girls apartment at 8am sharp, and everything is fine for the first few hours, they’re snacking some chips and drinking WAY to much chocolate milk, as well as watching wired youtubes on the tv, they were honestly very well behaved at the begining tbh, so i just let them be.��

at like 11:30am they started being hungry and they asked me for some fruites, so i was like “okay :)” and went to cut some fruites and stuff for them. i cut them a peach and washed them two different types of grapes, put it all on a plate and brought it to them.

then, they said they want corn schnitzel and i was like, “okay, well you can eat the fruites while i make u some” and went to the kitchen. what i didnt know was that they were starting to play with the fruits instead of eating them, so i came back to find the grapes, still uneaten, but covered in green liquid sope (???), and one (1) pice of peach was eaten. thats it. no girls.

at this point its about 12:45pm and they’re not in the living room where i left them. why? because APPARENTALLY, they decided that braking into their parents room (which was locked, btw, dont ask me how tf they got in) to steal some Mentos, was the best thing to do after murdering fruites.

i caught them right before they found the Mentos, and brought them to the dining table to eat the schnitzel they asked for. after they ate they decided to play a game called “trying to get into mom and dad’s room to steal stuff”, and i had to literally STAND AND GAURD THE DOOR TO MAKE SURE THEY WERENT STEALING SHIT. 

then, as they relized that I was the main problem, they decided to start trowing things at me. moestly shoes and crayons and markers and dolls. i asked them to stop multipul times and tryed to talk to them like big girls, until they decided to take it one step forwared, and throw a PAIR OF SCISSURES directly at me. 

it didnt hit me bc i moved, and then i yelled at them that they’re not supposed to be throwing sharp stuff like that, especially not at people. they didnt give TWO SHITS, and their way of showing me that was to throw the scissures at me AGAIN.

at that point i kinda gave up, maybe bc i was tired, maybe bc i was feeling kinda ill, maybe bc i was hungry, or maybe bc ive had enough stuff thrown at me a this point. fuck knows, the point is, i fucking had it.

i got away from the door and yelled at them that i hope they treat the next babysitter to watch them better than that (bc FUCK IT im not going back in there, especially not for enother 9 fucking houres.) and that ill be telling their mom everything. 

they obviusly were like “yeah we dont really care”. and when im telling u i was so close to snapping, i mean i was SO FUCKING CLOSE. so, i did what every reasonable adult would have done, and i sat on the couch in the living room and had a silent meltdown while the girls i was supposed to be watching were stealing cendy from their parents :).

after about 15 muinets (so it was about 2pm) of silently crying, they came to apologize to me, but i was so fucking angry (i still am and its 10pm) that all i did was telling them that i dont want their apology, and again, that i hope they would treat the next babysitter better, and then i got up and went to the kitchen floor to text heir mom.

long story short: their mom called me and scolded them that it wasnt ok and shit, but im still angry (both that they think they have the right to throw a pair of scissures at me, and that they actually made me scared. the rest of the babysitting they behaved and shit so i hid in the bathroom, bc i was shaking (im still a bit shaky for some reason) and honestly i didnt feel like i could face them).

[spitegeous-azzburn]

07.07.2023 🧝🏻‍♀️

our physics teacher made a fucked up drawing to explain sound intensity to us and i thought it was funny so i took a picture.

i decided not to go to the gym today and stayed home watching Lord of the Rings instead.

my friend is a huge fan and had been trying to make me watch it for months so i decided to give it a try. i actually liked it a lot!!

ive also been feeling pretty depressed since lunch. then i was more depressed after watching a whole ass 3 hour movie. then my mom looked at me and went “you’re pale. more pale than usual. did you eat something today??”

and i told her i had eaten a small lasagna slice on lunch (note that this conversation happened 4 hours later) and then some chocolate, and she reprehended me and told me i should eat more.

she also told me to weight myself. i did, and i am weighting 4kg less than i was last time i weighed myself :/

so i ate three small mashed potatoes and me and my mom watched A Man Called Otto.

which just made me even more depressed.

and the trans boy, malcom, reminded me of my friend to who i havent talked to in months and i cried so much during this movie i swear to god.

i’ve decided im texting this friend of mine asap.

so when the movie ended, i locked myself in the bathroom and cried for about half an hour. i dont have a lot of sense of time when im crying but i think it must have been around that.

i can’t remember when was the last time i had to lock myself in the bathroom to cry, but it was more than 3 months ago. i feel like im having a relapse.

i was feeling so good this last month…

maybe my meds aren’t working anymore, i dont know. this reminds me that i have to schedule my next appointment with my psychiatrist, so i can get another prescription and maybe increase the dosage.

anyway, im gonna go hug my comfort ladybug pillow until i sleep.

[arcaneyouth]

~

[socrates-is-here]

Oh how I wish to have the grace, limber, and aesthetic of a beach cruiser bike

[fionalesbian]

.

[firefox-official]

man ik the twizzlers post is from a few days ago but i got an entire pack of twizzlers the other day in an attempt to prove you wrong but all they had were chocolate twizzlers and ive never eaten something that tasted so much like plastic before. red vines are better

i like that you attempted to prove me wrong but twizzlers are insanely vile and the fact that all they had were chocolate twizzlers just goes to prove that they fucking suck and nobody should eat them. it was a sign and you missed it

[noctumbra]

peaches: iv

summary ─ “that’s my girl,” bucky whispered and smiled. tucking her hair behind her ear, he leaned in and kissed her. it was a soft, tender kiss: a kind of kiss that made her feel warm and loved. 

pairing ─ dadsbestfriend!bucky barnes x reader

warnings ─ angst, conversations about exes, mentions of depression, age difference (reader is 21, bucky is 39)

a/n ─ this one is filled with angst i’m afraid. also includes a little bit of their backstory. sexy times will continue in the upcoming parts (dates: unknown). i would love some feedback. hope you like it! i don’t own the gif. 

If their situation had been explained, many would think that Bucky watched her grow up, become the smart woman that she was today, but they would be wrong. 

When he met her for the first time, Bucky was twenty-seven while she was nine. Their meeting was brief; Steve wanted Bucky to meet his litle daughter just before they went off to Italy for work. She was pretty; her face was already glowing with the innocence, her eyes were holding a cute mischievous look in them, her small smile was making Steve tear up every damn time while Sam was laughing at his reaction. Her hair was braided adorably, there were small flowers in them, too, and it was glowing under the sunlight. Sam would take the compliments about her hair proudly. 

At the age of thirteen, Bucky was thirty-one, he saw her once more. That was their second meeting. She was more talkative and playful. She also had the best side of Steve and Sam’s sass, Bucky loved it. It was her birthday, and Steve invited him while he was staying in Brooklyn for a couple days before he went off to Russia this time, again for work. He only agreed to it because he heard her asking for him: “Is that your friend Bucky, Papa?” He was greeted with a warm welcome. It was a bit surprising that she remembered him. Steve had said that she had a strong memory and had loved the chocolates he had brought her the last time. It was the chocolates that made him remembered, but Bucky hadn’t mind. It was enough to be remembered, connected to something or not. 

Ever since her thirteenth birthday they haven’t seen each other. Until Bucky sort of ‘retired’ and moved back to Brooklyn, carrying his work home. 

“My litte girl started college,” Steve had once told him, with a proud look in his eyes, when he just moved back. He had also been holding his tears. “She’s a bookworm, so she carried that to the university. She’s studying literature,” Steve had joked. Bucky could remember her reading on the background while he was having conference calls with Steve. He could also remember her hushing Steve whenever his voice got a little bit loud, and Bucky had grinned at the memory, because it was such a Steve thing to do. He used to hush Bucky, too, whenever he had tried to talk while Steve was reading around him. 

She was twenty when they saw each other again. It was a week after Bucky finally finished opening boxes after boxes. He got lucky and was able to buy the house across Steve and Sam’s. After that, she was always in his house, owning it like it was hers. Bucky didn’t mind, he liked company. Her company was so much better than the other women who didn’t know what shutting up was. She knew when to stay quiet, when to talk and force Bucky to do something that in a normal day he wouldn’t. She helped him to feel a little better about himself after the bad relationships he had over the years. 

Bucky was devastated after he found out that his fiancée had cheated on him for years and had been using him for his money. It had hit deep and hurt so much, Bucky couldn’t shake it off for months ─ years even. He got depressed: didn’t go to work, answer his phone and his door. Natasha had to enter his house by breaking his door. After that, Steve, Sam and Natasha had ganged up on him and pulled his head out of that cloud that made him feel like he wasn’t living. 

It was actually what made him to move back Brooklyn. Boy, wasn’t that the best decision he had ever made. 

“You’re thinking too hard,” Sam murmured, pulling Bucky out of his head. “I can hear them gears turning, Barnes.” Bucky chuckled lightly. Sam was always this not-a-mind-reader-but-also-a-mind-reader. He knew when someone felt down, or troubled. He was always there to help. Bucky loved that about him. 

“I was thinking about the thing that made me move back here,” Bucky said with a shrug. “Remembering those times… Man, I used to hurt a lot. It’s nice not feeling that hurt anymore.” Sam smiled. 

“Time,” Sam easily responded. “It heals things slowly. It doesn’t erase anything, but it surely makes things easier for you.” Bucky nodded. They stayed silent after that. Both of them watching the sun slowly going down, listening to the birds chirping around. It was peaceful and relaxing. Bucky let his head fall back and closed his eyes. 

Bucky didn’t realize that he fell asleep until he felt a soft kiss on his cheek: He flinched and opened his eyes, confused. “What─” He heard a quiet chuckle and when he turned his head to his left he saw her. Her hair was glowing with the setting sun’s last light. A big smile was on her face, and her eyes were fond. 

“You fell asleep here,” she explained. “Papa told me not to touch you, so I let you sleep a bit. Dinner is ready, though,” she added and kissed his cheek again. Bucky surpassed a yawn, rubbing his eyes all adorably. 

“Damn,” he muttered when he stood up and stretched. She nodded.

“Papa said you fell asleep fast and hard,” she shrugged. “Looked cute.” Bucky snorted, watched her get shy. “C’mon.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. 

Inside of the house, there was a delicious smell of food. Bucky felt his stomach rumble. He could pick up the talking noises coming from kitchen as well as the utensil sounds. He sighed, the sleep was still fogging up his brain a little, but he was sure Steve’s cooking would wake him up. 

“Ah!” With Sam’s exclamation, Bucky jumped. “Sleeping beauty is awake!” Bucky rolled his eyes, ignoring the chuckles coming from her and Steve. 

“Fuck off,” Bucky grumbled. Sam laughed while Steve chuckled and she nudged Bucky softly. Bucky rolled his eyes again, but this time it was playful. He winked at her cheekily. “Need help?” He asked once he walked towards Steve. He shook his head. 

“Nope, all ready. I was just putting them on the plates,” Steve gave him a small smile. Bucky patted him on the back and grabbed the full plates. Placing them on the table, he noticed her looking at him with big, wide eyes. He frowned slightly, lifting an eyebrow at her. She shrugged innocently and mouthed an ‘I love you’. Bucky blinked and blushed, ducking his head down as a desperate attempt of hiding his smile. She chuckled silently. He chuckled, too. Looking up at her, he blew a kiss to her and mouthed an ‘I love you’ of his own. She only smiled wider. 

“Alright, sit,” Steve said, bringing the other plates. “Bon appetit, people,” he smiled and tucked into his own food. 

          ──

Dinner went smoothly. The food were delicious, but Steve was always a great cook. Sam was on dessert duty, so they were served a peach pie. Bucky smirked when he saw the topping of the pie and sent a dirty look to her. She felt the heat rushing to her face, prefering to hide her face into the pie. Bucky chuckled. He grabbed a forkful of pie and tasted. 

“Mmm,” Bucky hummed approvingly. “Sam, Jesus, you’re getting better at baking,” he added when the amazing taste fired his taste buds. Sam smiled. 

“Thanks! I found it in my Ma’s recipe book,” his smiled turned into a shy one. Steve nudged him a little and placed  soft kiss on his lips. Sam hid his face on Steve’s ridiculously broad shoulder. Bucky smiled at the scene: He was so happy for his friend having an amazing family. He had a loving husband, a beautiful house and a brilliant daughter. 

Bucky might have been a little jealous. 

It was always what he wanted ever since he stepped into high school: He wanted to have a good job, earn enough money to buy himself and his future family a house, a beautiful wife and couple kids. Sometimes he would think now that his current age was considered old, how was he to get a life that he dreamt of once? 

“Buck?” Steve’s concerned voice pulled Bucky out of his thoughts. “We lost you there for a second, bud, you okay?” Sam placed his half-eaten pie on the coffee table. 

“He’s been thoughtful today,” Sam said, recalling their conversation at the backyard. Bucky shrugged. 

“I was just thinking…” He sighed. He mimicked Sam’s moves and put his own plate on the coffee table. 

“What? Talk to us, Bucky. We’re your family, too, you know that,” Steve murmured, always supportive but never pushy. Bucky looked down at his hands, fingers picking up the hem of his shirt and playing with it. 

“It’s─” He took a breath. “I’m jealous of you, Steve,” he murmured. Steve frowned, but before he could ask, Bucky continued. “You have this beautiful family, Sam loves you like crazy and you have an amazing, very smart daughter… You know how much I wanted what you have right now since high school. Now you have it, and I’m jealous in a good way.” He looked up at his friend and smiled. 

“Bucky…” Steve started. 

“You know it’s not too late, right?” Sam said, voicing Steve’s thoughts. Bucky shrugged again. 

“I’m thirty-nine, Sam. It might not be late in your book, but it is in mine. I was supposed to find someone in my late-twenties and have a kid in my early-thirties. Because I’d like to have energy to run and play with my kid, you know?” Bucky sighed. 

She frowned slightly. She never knew he wanted those things. He never told her about his dreams. Suddenly, she felt guilty for occupying him like this. She felt guilty for holding him back from real life. Instead of playing house with her and pretend, he could have met with someone who could be with him really and give him kids. She barely blinked away the tears that flooded her eyes instantly. 

“You’re fit, man, you workout more than Steve. Trust me, you would still have some stamina to do all the things you want with your kid,” Sam said assuringly. Steve nodded. 

“Sam’s right─” 

“I don’t have time for a new relationship, anymore, guys. I can’t─ Most women I came across with or been set up with… They’re not there for me, they’re there for the money and the way I look. None of cares about what I want or what I like… We don’t click. Is it make sense?” Steve nodded again. He could understand Bucky’s point of view. “She was the only one I clicked for a very long time,” Bucky added silently. “But she used me, just like others wanted to do. I can’t trust anymore. I’m─ God, I’m hopeless.” Bucky huffed out a laugh. 

“Pardon my French, but,” Sam started. “She was a bitch for doing that.” Steve elbowed him with a warning look in his eyes. “What? Man, it’s true. She used him for his money and looks, just like the other women who want to do the same, he said himself. She destroyed the dream he could have had by cheating on him.” 

“Sam,” Bucky stopped him. “It’s in the past. Nevermind.” He looked at him with pleading eyes. Sam softened and nodded, his eyes were filled with worry for his friend. “I’m just gonna head back. Thanks for the dinner and the dessert.” Bucky stood up and left the house quietly. He didn’t even look at her. 

She felt her heart tightened, tears were back but they were even stronger, now. She sniffed very quietly and stood up to collect the plates. She took them to the kitchen, barely holding the tears. 

She didn’t know Bucky was hurting this much. She didn’t know that even when they were together, Bucky was lonely. His dreams were stolen, destroyed, and she wasn’t doing a good thing to him by holding him back from finding someone to make his dream live again. She bit her lip to keep the hiccup that wanted to leave her. 

What they had was amazing. Bucky understood her in a way that her peers never could. He helped her become a better person, helped her educate herself. She wouldn’t be the same person as she was today if it weren’t for Bucky. She didn’t know her effect in his life, though. 

“Y/N?” Steve’s voice carried through the hallway and she quickly wiped the tears that ran away. “Oh, sweetie,” he murmured empathically. He hugged her tightly. 

“I didn’t know he was so lonely, Dad,” she cried into Steve’s chest while he petted her hair gently. “He doesn’t deserve to be lonely. He’s such a good person!” She sobbed. 

“I know, darling, I know…” Steve rested his cheek on her head, letting her cry. She cried for a couple more minutes, murmuring about how much good Bucky deserved, how good he was. Steve knew it, he knew she was right. So he stayed silent. 

“I should go to bed,” she whispered after a while. Her eyes were red, and tears were still rolling. Steve nodded. “I’ve got class tomorrow,” she added absentmindedly. She wiped her tears harshly and made a beeline towards her room. She didn’t realize the figure laying down on her bed as she walked into her room and closing her door, locking it. When she turned around, though, she barely suppressed her scream. 

“Jesus Christ, Bucky,” she murmured, a hand on her heart.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said, his voice quiet and raspy. He sounded like he cried, too. She sobbed silently, and Bucky opened his arms, inviting her in. She crawled into his arms. “I’m sorry for making you cry, honey.” 

“You should have told me,” she murmured into his t-shirt. 

“I know, I should have,” he agreed easily. 

“You should have told me. I would have stepped out of your way! I would have stopped holding you back from having your dream come true! I would have─” Bucky put his hand over her mouth and pulled back so that he could make eye contact. 

“You are not holding me back. You are not going to step out of my way. No. What I said about wanting a life like Steve’s… I was hoping you would understand without me saying it: I wanted that life with you. You are the only woman I click with after a very long time, Y/N. I want to have you as my wife, want you to have my kids and want to have a house together. I want that dream to come true with you by my side. I also meant when I said I don’t time for a new relationship, I already have you. So, please, stop thinking that way, okay, honey?” Bucky looked at her with pleading, wide eyes, tears were waiting for the right moment to fall. “Don’t ever think that you’re holding me back. You’re holding me upright.” 

“Bucky─” She sobbed and hugged him tightly. Bucky wrapped his arms around her just as tight. 

“I love you, peaches,” he whispered. “I love you so much. I’ll wait until the right time comes up, I promise.” He kissed her temple, hands stroking her back. 

“I love you, too,” she whimpered softly. “I love you so much. I─ I don’t want to hide anymore, but…” She trailed. Bucky nodded. His hands were now in her hair, playing with them. 

“Not yet,” he said. “None of us are ready for that yet: Not us, not them.” 

“Just a little while longer,” she murmured. “I can wait.” 

“That’s my girl,” Bucky whispered and smiled. Tucking her hair behind her ear, he leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft, tender kiss: A kind of kiss that made her feel warm and loved. She smiled into the kiss. 

“Just a little while longer,” she repeated and smiled. She could do that. 

         ──

[secretsniper2]

A Walk in the Park

Morning, another dreary day ahead, usual routine, put my robe on, brush hair and put in ponytail, bit of makeup. Downstairs for something to eat and some coffee when i see it by the front door, a letter. Bit strange, i don't usually get letters but its addressed to me so why not check it out?

“Dear Emma, Our scouts saw you a few weeks ago and we believe you would be a perfect fit for our next event, you'll receive fair compensation for your time and equipment will be provided on arrival. we hope you accept.”

Looking over the letter again its as simple as its written, it even has a address, time and date, 5pm this Friday? well its not like im busy or anything, i was going to go to the movies with some friends but they bailed on me, and my account is getting rather empty.. sounds interesting.

“At least i now have something to DO in 3 days!” i chuckle to myself.

Sitting around the house with nothing to do, i think ill check out this address today while its broad daylight, its on the other side of town so i can walk through the park on the way and have some fresh air.

Sliding out of my robe i opt for a white shirt with black pants, always a good combo and some typical shoes for the park and walk. Busy today as usual as people rush in every direction on their way to wherever they are going, after a few brushes with clearly eager hands with 1 cupping my ass i manage to get to the park and take a breath, “pretty handsy today” i think to myself as i run my hand over my freshly groped ass. Another breath in and i continue away from the hands on crowd and move on.

Its quite impressive, iv walked past this building a few times before but this will be the first time i actually see the inside, its usually for high end events the kind of which id never enjoy, the high arches over the front door, the marble columns and statues lining the outside. what kind of job will it be anyway? im not good with food.

i shrug as i walk back through the park, longer route than i need but its a nice day to wander.

As i sit on a bench i can hear something i dont think iv ever expected to hear in a park, someone is moaning, quiet enough to not draw much attention but loud enough to hear if you get too close.. like me. Curiosity has me by the tits now as i turn to the bushes behind my chair and look around a large tree. Red hair swaying back and forth as right on the other side of the tree some girl is getting fucked, hard by her restricted moans, a red ballgag wedged tight in her mouth and a blindfold over her eyes, the man wont see me if i stay behind the tree but with his eyes closed he couldn't see the girl his cock is ramming.

The girl has some small clamps on her nipples with her blue minidress pulled down under her breasts and pulled up over her hips, its nothing more than a loose corset right now, 6 inch heels padlocked to her feet and a collar locked around her neck. Rose red cheeks almost glowing with heat as her moans escape the gag, on closer look the man has his cock buried not in her pussy, its her ass he is stuffing, her pussy is vacant but there's something covering it that has a few wires running up her back leading to a purple remote.

My adrenaline skyrockets as the man starts looking around for observers but luckily looked away first so i leaned back around the tree and was not gone as far as they knew, my own cheeks red now after watching what's going on, my own pussy pulsing as arousal sets in, i slowly look around the tree and the man is gone, the redhead is still there, on all 4s and shaking in a euphoric bliss.

A hand, grasping my shoulder and neck, squeezing tight my surprise wasted on a sharp inhale rather than a scream for help, im spun around and his eyes are staring daggers into mine, normally i would be thrashing by now but the sheer surprise, this man who was just fucking the other girl places a wet hand over my mouth. fear over the cause for the wetness keeps my lips sealed as my eyes lock to his own. The remaining hand which had spun me around was already working on my pants, pushing under and into my long since wet panties, his large fingers pushing in without a moments hesitation as his knuckle grinds into my clit.

I orgasm, faster than iv ever cum before, what takes minutes for me with my vibrator took this man seconds with 2 large fingers, 2 large fingers which are now moving like pistons as im spun around yet again, my back to him as his hand that was over my mouth leaves his mark on my lips as my neck is grasped. led from behind to the other girl who is now sitting up, blindfold off and eyes gazing at me, my body under the command of another's forceful insistence.

The hand that had been massaging me close to another orgasm withdraws as he trails my own juices up under my shirt and pinches my nipple through my bra. The man commands and the girl responds by crawling up and begins to pull my pants down, white panties soaked and stuck to my pussy in full view to this woman as my pants are pulled down to my knees. A little giggle from the woman reveals shes removed her gag, handing it to the man who then lowers to the ground, my body falling after him, the woman crawling under my pants and looks up, face now between my legs as my panties are dragged aside by her thin fingers.

As i open my mouth to beg her not to continue i see a flash of red and my mouth widens in surprise, the gag the redhead was wearing, biting and drooling on was now buckled into my own mouth, biting instinctively against the situation the man begins pulling my shirt and bra up over my head. Im helpless and exposed, 1 arm from this man is holding both of mine behind my back and i cant beat his strength. His remaining hand cupping my breasts 1 at a time as his friend peals my panties off my pussy.

“She looks so tasty! how much can i have?” the redhead gleefully says like a child talking about chocolate.

“Till i say so” the man responds in a deep throaty voice.

Its all she needed to hear as her face sinks into my sex, her lips locking with my won and her nose presses against my clit, her tongue working my walls over and then sinking in for a better taste.

To say im the loudest moaner would be natural, of course iv never been gagged and eaten out by another woman before, her nose running back and forth as i cum right on her tongue which she slurped up with a desperation iv never seen on anyone before. the sounds of her moaning into my pussy sending shivers up my spine, why couldn't i just ignore the sounds?

Eyes shooting open at the thought, what if someone else is now watching me cum at the tongue of this woman with a gag in my mouth? ill be seen as the pervert here more than these 2! The hand that had been working my breasts moves again, this time to my gagged mouth, covering it easily he pinches my nose as well, i cant breathe! and this woman has doubled her effort, at this rate ill cum for a 3rd time in as many minutes!

Mind begging for air, brain screaming for it as my eyes fall on the mans face, his cold expression telling me that it wont end soon, muscles tensing as my pussy shakes with a tongue and fingers working hard, another orgasm slurped up by the hungry redhead and still the man holds tight, the woman now focussing on my throbbing clit which, till now has only been rubbed by her nose on occasion, hot lips tight at the base as her tongue caresses as she sucks hard.

a 4th orgasm tears through my body, iv never had 4 in a row, most iv had till now was 2 in a row. These 2 are pushing me and they don't care if i break! Air rushes in as the man releases my nose, waiting for the exhale he pinches again, the woman pressing fingers deep inside, my G-spot being massaged as my clit is sucked.

“Enough Cunt” the man says, loud enough to be heard by just us as the woman breaks away from my throbbing pussy, her handiwork was leading me to a 5th, release the man has taken away as the source of pleasure slides out from between my legs with her face glistening in my pleasure, a smile on her face and eyes on mine. the lights dim as im forced to pass out.. not here, with them.

“nooo..” i weakly say into the gag.

____

Cold, wet, exhausted.. My eyes open and im alone, in a small, secluded alcove of bushes, no one would find her here but why am i here? im in another part of the park entirely! did they really move me while i was unconscious? at least my clothes are all back on, a bit forced, but with a noticeable difference.. my panties are gone, bra too.. my soaked pussy in my pants and rigid nipples rubbing against my shirt, its already chafing and i have barely moved!

“Home is.. that way” i think to myself as i shamble out of the bushes, my pants occasionally making contact with my hypersensitive pussy, my muscles jerk or twitch in response as it takes me 15 minutes to walk 3 minutes with me constantly looking over my shoulders, occasionally looking at others and becoming very aware of my nipples making their presence known to any who would look my way.

Safe, i think. Doors locked as i check the clock on the wall, iv been gone all day! how long was i out? did they do anything to me while i was unconscious? ill have to give my body a look in my room, walking up my stairs i look completely different compared to this morning, my neat hair in a ponytail? now a utter mess, my white shirt not missing a button and my nipples pressing through the thin fabric, my black pants now dirty and panties missing with a soaked pussy just underneath.

Stripping in my room i turn to my mirror, my breasts have bruises, my pussy burning red, clit still throbbing. looking at my soaked pussy my mind drifts back, i could have ran! i could have screamed! but i just watched and wanted and then joined them. was i really that needy? that pent up?

My hand already beating my mind to the punch as my fingers circle my clit, sitting on my bed i fall back as i work hard, my need burning again, harder than usual. My fingers clearly not up to the task i roll over to my bedside table, my toys will scratch this itch as usual, at least to release.

Why? WHY?! why did i enjoy what they did?! the man pinning me with 1 arm and the woman, that redhead, her mouth.. her lips, the skill and determination.. why did i love every second of her attention, rolling over, closing my legs, locking my vibrator against my clit it isnt enough! its always worked before,

“my favourite position and toy have never failed me before” i plead in my head as i curl into a ball as the vibrations stir me into a frenzy, memories of what happened still fresh in my mind, nipples pinched, clit sucked, pussy devoured.

“nnnngh! Cmmmm NNNNNNN” i grunt into my pillow!

why wont it work! i need to, i want to cum! why why whyyy! my mind racing with desire when a thought rose up. Moving my arms behind my back i grab my elbows with my hands and squeeze hard, i bite my pillow and moan as a colossal orgasm tears my pussy to pieces on its way out! the single largest orgasm iv ever had and my arms race to the vibrator and turn it off with tears in my eyes, i know what they did to me.. but what did they do to me?

[softbby-gorl]

heyyyy elli

just thought id drop an ask on you no particular reason, just thought id check in

soooo how are you today/night?

have you drunk enough water today? have you eaten enough food? are you well rested? have you had your daily dose of serotonin? if not, go fix that!

if you're scrolling thru tumblr and you need to get off it to go do smth, here's ur opportunity! go be productive, i know you can do it!

if you're having a bad day, know that you are loved and appreciated, that you are valid and amazing. this will pass and you WILL get through this.

okay hope you're doing okay, ilysm my lovely

<3 aelia

i literally have tears in my eyes aelia-

well no im not having a very good day (sorry if i sound angry in this im not angry with you you've put a smile on my face) i asked someone if they liked me over text 2 days ago they were online yesterday and didnt answer not even on read fucking bitch so i wanted to watch a channie vlive but i couldnt (dont ask why i will start crying) so i was watching anime and my dad was here (i live with my grandparents) he called me down because he was abt to go so i said "coming" i came downstairs and he was in his car driving off so i go to watch my fav movie dirty dancing to cheer me up and i cant even find the cd. ive had no water today and a small bowl of cereal a bit of chocolate and a pot noodle

its like you knew i was coming on here for support and the fact i saw this first thing

ily aelia you dont know how much this means to me

ill go get some water now and you should to <33

[orcelito]

hi i just beat hades for the first time

i think it was my fourth time fighting him? third time using the spear so i wasnt expecting to win. but i just had some Good Boons. 

hilarious situation where i havent eaten much today but ive been snacking on chocolate covered espresso beans so i am Vibrating. boss battles require so much attention and his especially. the fucking Adrenaline. my fingers were downright Trembling by the end. but i got him B)

[so-honey-sing]

i was tagged by @darnitdraco

Nickname: technically daisy is my nickname

Pronouns: she/they

Star sign: leo

Height: 5′2. i am a short king fight me

Time currently: 6:31 pm

Birthday: July 31st

Favorite groups/bands: so much little mix and chloe x halle has been listened to lately, i love them so much

Favorite solo artist: hmm hozier probably or lorde

Song stuck in my head: recently it has been rotating between nobody by mitski, by myself by FIDLAR, tipsy by chloe x hall, and montero (call me by your name) by lil nas x. i never have just one they rotate until im losing my mind

Last movie you watched: just finished watching pride and prejudice (2005) for the thousandth time

Last show you binged: my sister and i are rewatching castle, or also fantasy high counts bc ive been bingewatching that

When you created your blog: 2017 for this one, 2011 for my first ever tumblr i think

Last thing i googled: nerdy fabric. im trying to find a fabric for a dice bag bc imma make a dice bag

Other blogs: this is my only one

Why I chose my url: bc i love my lord and savior hozier and this song means so much to me but to-noise-making was taken i think. it used to be sapphic-vilde-lien but i wanted to distance from skam a little

Do you get asks: rarely but occasionally ppl do when i reblog an ask game

How many people you are following: im following 693 blogs

How many followers: 223 followers

Average hours of sleep: it depends tbh. but mostly i do manage at least a solid 7 hours if i dont wake up during the night

Lucky number: idk if i do

Instruments: piano, ukulele, guitar. i wanna play drums and bass too tho

Currently wearing: a daisy print shirt dress from h&m (its in the super cute to all the boys collection if ya want it)

Dream job: i wanna one day work as a school librarian, but i wanna teach before then (just need to find any job)

Dream trip: i honestly dont know. just to go everywhere

Favorite food: this is the hardest question ever, but maybe chocolate of just any type. or savory i guess i love greggs sausage rolls so much ive eaten so many since moving

Favorite song: to noise making by hozier is one of them, or i wanna get better by bleachers bc i like screaming it, idk anything by any of the previously listed artists bc it depends on my mood

Top 3 fictional worlds to live in: julie and the phantoms bc id love a world where they are a band doing shows and also theres no covid in jatp, the world of fantasy high seems fucking dope and i would love to be friends with all of the characters, and the mcu i guess i mean id love for wanda to accidentally kidnap me

im gonna tag @smash-ash26, @sunshine-wlw, and anyone else who wants to do it bc i struggle with knowing who to tag

[secretsniper3]

A Walk in the Park

Morning, another dreary day ahead, usual routine, put my robe on, brush hair and put in ponytail, bit of makeup. Downstairs for something to eat and some coffee when i see it by the front door, a letter. Bit strange, i don't usually get letters but its addressed to me so why not check it out?

“Dear Emma, Our scouts saw you a few weeks ago and we believe you would be a perfect fit for our next event, you'll receive fair compensation for your time and equipment will be provided on arrival. we hope you accept.”

Looking over the letter again its as simple as its written, it even has a address, time and date, 5pm this Friday? well its not like im busy or anything, i was going to go to the movies with some friends but they bailed on me, and my account is getting rather empty.. sounds interesting.

“At least i now have something to DO in 3 days!” i chuckle to myself.

Sitting around the house with nothing to do, i think ill check out this address today while its broad daylight, its on the other side of town so i can walk through the park on the way and have some fresh air.

Sliding out of my robe i opt for a white shirt with black pants, always a good combo and some typical shoes for the park and walk. Busy today as usual as people rush in every direction on their way to wherever they are going, after a few brushes with clearly eager hands with 1 cupping my ass i manage to get to the park and take a breath, “pretty handsy today” i think to myself as i run my hand over my freshly groped ass. Another breath in and i continue away from the hands on crowd and move on.

Its quite impressive, iv walked past this building a few times before but this will be the first time i actually see the inside, its usually for high end events the kind of which id never enjoy, the high arches over the front door, the marble columns and statues lining the outside. what kind of job will it be anyway? im not good with food.

i shrug as i walk back through the park, longer route than i need but its a nice day to wander.

As i sit on a bench i can hear something i dont think iv ever expected to hear in a park, someone is moaning, quiet enough to not draw much attention but loud enough to hear if you get too close.. like me. Curiosity has me by the tits now as i turn to the bushes behind my chair and look around a large tree. Red hair swaying back and forth as right on the other side of the tree some girl is getting fucked, hard by her restricted moans, a red ballgag wedged tight in her mouth and a blindfold over her eyes, the man wont see me if i stay behind the tree but with his eyes closed he couldn't see the girl his cock is ramming.

The girl has some small clamps on her nipples with her blue minidress pulled down under her breasts and pulled up over her hips, its nothing more than a loose corset right now, 6 inch heels padlocked to her feet and a collar locked around her neck. Rose red cheeks almost glowing with heat as her moans escape the gag, on closer look the man has his cock buried not in her pussy, its her ass he is stuffing, her pussy is vacant but there's something covering it that has a few wires running up her back leading to a purple remote.

My adrenaline skyrockets as the man starts looking around for observers but luckily looked away first so i leaned back around the tree and was not gone as far as they knew, my own cheeks red now after watching what's going on, my own pussy pulsing as arousal sets in, i slowly look around the tree and the man is gone, the redhead is still there, on all 4s and shaking in a euphoric bliss.

A hand, grasping my shoulder and neck, squeezing tight my surprise wasted on a sharp inhale rather than a scream for help, im spun around and his eyes are staring daggers into mine, normally i would be thrashing by now but the sheer surprise, this man who was just fucking the other girl places a wet hand over my mouth. fear over the cause for the wetness keeps my lips sealed as my eyes lock to his own. The remaining hand which had spun me around was already working on my pants, pushing under and into my long since wet panties, his large fingers pushing in without a moments hesitation as his knuckle grinds into my clit.

I orgasm, faster than iv ever cum before, what takes minutes for me with my vibrator took this man seconds with 2 large fingers, 2 large fingers which are now moving like pistons as im spun around yet again, my back to him as his hand that was over my mouth leaves his mark on my lips as my neck is grasped. led from behind to the other girl who is now sitting up, blindfold off and eyes gazing at me, my body under the command of another's forceful insistence.

The hand that had been massaging me close to another orgasm withdraws as he trails my own juices up under my shirt and pinches my nipple through my bra. The man commands and the girl responds by crawling up and begins to pull my pants down, white panties soaked and stuck to my pussy in full view to this woman as my pants are pulled down to my knees. A little giggle from the woman reveals shes removed her gag, handing it to the man who then lowers to the ground, my body falling after him, the woman crawling under my pants and looks up, face now between my legs as my panties are dragged aside by her thin fingers.

As i open my mouth to beg her not to continue i see a flash of red and my mouth widens in surprise, the gag the redhead was wearing, biting and drooling on was now buckled into my own mouth, biting instinctively against the situation the man begins pulling my shirt and bra up over my head. Im helpless and exposed, 1 arm from this man is holding both of mine behind my back and i cant beat his strength. His remaining hand cupping my breasts 1 at a time as his friend peals my panties off my pussy.

“She looks so tasty! how much can i have?” the redhead gleefully says like a child talking about chocolate.

“Till i say so” the man responds in a deep throaty voice.

Its all she needed to hear as her face sinks into my sex, her lips locking with my won and her nose presses against my clit, her tongue working my walls over and then sinking in for a better taste.

To say im the loudest moaner would be natural, of course iv never been gagged and eaten out by another woman before, her nose running back and forth as i cum right on her tongue which she slurped up with a desperation iv never seen on anyone before. the sounds of her moaning into my pussy sending shivers up my spine, why couldn't i just ignore the sounds?

Eyes shooting open at the thought, what if someone else is now watching me cum at the tongue of this woman with a gag in my mouth? ill be seen as the pervert here more than these 2! The hand that had been working my breasts moves again, this time to my gagged mouth, covering it easily he pinches my nose as well, i cant breathe! and this woman has doubled her effort, at this rate ill cum for a 3rd time in as many minutes!

Mind begging for air, brain screaming for it as my eyes fall on the mans face, his cold expression telling me that it wont end soon, muscles tensing as my pussy shakes with a tongue and fingers working hard, another orgasm slurped up by the hungry redhead and still the man holds tight, the woman now focussing on my throbbing clit which, till now has only been rubbed by her nose on occasion, hot lips tight at the base as her tongue caresses as she sucks hard.

a 4th orgasm tears through my body, iv never had 4 in a row, most iv had till now was 2 in a row. These 2 are pushing me and they don't care if i break! Air rushes in as the man releases my nose, waiting for the exhale he pinches again, the woman pressing fingers deep inside, my G-spot being massaged as my clit is sucked.

“Enough Cunt” the man says, loud enough to be heard by just us as the woman breaks away from my throbbing pussy, her handiwork was leading me to a 5th, release the man has taken away as the source of pleasure slides out from between my legs with her face glistening in my pleasure, a smile on her face and eyes on mine. the lights dim as im forced to pass out.. not here, with them.

“nooo..” i weakly say into the gag.

____

Cold, wet, exhausted.. My eyes open and im alone, in a small, secluded alcove of bushes, no one would find her here but why am i here? im in another part of the park entirely! did they really move me while i was unconscious? at least my clothes are all back on, a bit forced, but with a noticeable difference.. my panties are gone, bra too.. my soaked pussy in my pants and rigid nipples rubbing against my shirt, its already chafing and i have barely moved!

“Home is.. that way” i think to myself as i shamble out of the bushes, my pants occasionally making contact with my hypersensitive pussy, my muscles jerk or twitch in response as it takes me 15 minutes to walk 3 minutes with me constantly looking over my shoulders, occasionally looking at others and becoming very aware of my nipples making their presence known to any who would look my way.

Safe, i think. Doors locked as i check the clock on the wall, iv been gone all day! how long was i out? did they do anything to me while i was unconscious? ill have to give my body a look in my room, walking up my stairs i look completely different compared to this morning, my neat hair in a ponytail? now a utter mess, my white shirt not missing a button and my nipples pressing through the thin fabric, my black pants now dirty and panties missing with a soaked pussy just underneath.

Stripping in my room i turn to my mirror, my breasts have bruises, my pussy burning red, clit still throbbing. looking at my soaked pussy my mind drifts back, i could have ran! i could have screamed! but i just watched and wanted and then joined them. was i really that needy? that pent up?

My hand already beating my mind to the punch as my fingers circle my clit, sitting on my bed i fall back as i work hard, my need burning again, harder than usual. My fingers clearly not up to the task i roll over to my bedside table, my toys will scratch this itch as usual, at least to release.

Why? WHY?! why did i enjoy what they did?! the man pinning me with 1 arm and the woman, that redhead, her mouth.. her lips, the skill and determination.. why did i love every second of her attention, rolling over, closing my legs, locking my vibrator against my clit it isnt enough! its always worked before,

“my favourite position and toy have never failed me before” i plead in my head as i curl into a ball as the vibrations stir me into a frenzy, memories of what happened still fresh in my mind, nipples pinched, clit sucked, pussy devoured.

“nnnngh! Cmmmm NNNNNNN” i grunt into my pillow!

why wont it work! i need to, i want to cum! why why whyyy! my mind racing with desire when a thought rose up. Moving my arms behind my back i grab my elbows with my hands and squeeze hard, i bite my pillow and moan as a colossal orgasm tears my pussy to pieces on its way out! the single largest orgasm iv ever had and my arms race to the vibrator and turn it off with tears in my eyes, i know what they did to me.. but what did they do to me?