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broiunno · 3 years

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License to Steal - Act IV

License to Steal

ACT IV

Act I // Act II // Act III // Act IV

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summary: Min Yoongi is your new protection detail upon your return to your father's side after being sent away during a bloody gang war. Now the dust has settled, you've been called back to your old controlled life, and leaving you an unwilling participant in your family's plans. You don't know what they are but you are no longer willing to be the obedient, protected daughter. You don't really care in the least of it makes Yoongi's new assignment hell on earth- So you'll carve your own life out back home on your own terms.

-rating: 18+

-pairing: min yoongi x reader

-word count: 5.8k

-warnings: swearing, gang activities includes drug mention and eventual drug use, the slowest of burns, organized crime, toxic af family dynamics, BEWARE IN THIS ACT: graphic family abuse (father initiated verbal and physical assault- does not fade to black), violence, blood, graphic descriptions of torture, and graphic sex scenes will be included in this work.

-authors note: @chelsea-chee leading the au as usual. I love her the appreciate her as my love, writer, and my beta. Her works are *chefs kiss* Thank you again beautiful <3 PLEASE NOTE: I AM REALLY NOT EXCITED TO POST THE NEXT FEW ACTS. They deal with heavy subject matter and I don't fade to black at any point so please note my works are for mature audiences, warnings are there for a reason and in bold. You are an adult if you are reading this work (per the warnings) and you are responsible for the content you consume. Thank you. ILY all and I love asks about the characters. And that's all I have to say about that...I'm sorry for the wait. I've had covid. I'm back on a better schedule now.

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You fumbled with your hair as you tried to rip your fingers through the still damp strands to assemble it back into a semi-presentable pony tail as the door slid open to your father’s office. You really did wish that you had been able to go upstairs and shower. Or at least change your clothes from the workout gear you currently felt sticking to your skin from the cooling sweat. As a breeze drifted from the vent as the air kicked on, you shivered violently, shaking your head and shooting a hateful stare in Yoongi’s direction as you stepped into the office. Appearances were everything in your family. They were the first level of protection to ensure threats stayed at a minimum. A show of strength and cohesiveness discouraged any hair-brained ideas from a weaker or less organized opposition.

Your father raised a dark, thick brow, turning from the man was speaking quietly to, his expression unreadable as you inclined your head slightly in greeting. “You asked to see me?” you said quietly, keeping your eyes downcast. Since Yoongi had mentioned your father was summoning you, you knew it couldn’t be anything positive. This soon after your arrival? Nothing good would come of this. You had just grabbed onto the distraction of Yoongi until you both stood in the office, feeling stripped bare, awaiting whatever admonishment was about to be delivered.

“You couldn’t make it a full forty-eight hours without causing me a migraine,” your father said sharply and you kept your eyes trained on the floor, as you replayed yesterday in your mind.

“Father, I don’t know what you-”

“Y/N, you weren’t even back a day and you spent how much?” he said, aggravation lacing his tone. “I had to call in Kim to look at your accounts immediately. You’re a fucking hassle.” He huffed and your eyes finally lifted to the stranger that stood next to your father, noting that he stepped away from your father and bowed quickly.

“Nice to meet you, miss. I’m Kim Namjoon. I’ve been handling your accounts and will continue to do so.” You felt your lips part in a soft ‘oh’ as you studied the broad planes of his face, full lips and intense eyes. You felt like he was picking you apart in that moment as you took your time to absorb his ash blond hair in a relaxed, but carefully crafted style. His skin tone was golden; a contrast to Yoongi’s milk-like skin. He glowed, and you couldn’t tell if it from his melanin or the fact that he was radiating intelligence.

“N-Nice to meet you too,” you stammered and managed to close your mouth as he pushed up the rolled sleeves of his white button-down shirt. You swallowed hard and tried to claw through the mental fog that had overcome you. With the teasing from both Jungkook and Yoongi, being presented with another god-like man was the last thing you needed. “I will admit I’m a little confused; my spending was never a problem when I was away? I mean, it’s not like I bought a car.”

Your father barked a laugh and threw up his hands. “You have no grasp on what I do to make this money that you just piss away Y/N! And you COULD have bought a car with the amount you spent yesterday! Like I said: a god damn burden!” he hissed and you flushed slightly, taking a step back unconsciously as you watched his neck flush. Yoongi hadn’t said a word, but you knew you could still sense his dark presence in the corner of the room, not looking at him to notice his eyes narrowed slightly as the scene unfolded.

“Y/N, I’ve had an idea. You’re a daughter. I can’t do much with you. Your brother who I could actually have used is dead. Your mother-” He stopped as he watched your eyes bulge and he shook his head. “I can’t have more children. I’d consider it disrespectful to her memory,” he mused, a hand running along his chin and you couldn’t help the scoff that escaped you, but your jaw snapped shut audibly as your teeth clacked together after the noise passed your lips.

Your father’s eyes flared to life in challenge and he glanced at Namjoon, lip curling. “Did you calculate her estimated cost of living and monthly expenditures? Do you have solid numbers?” he said shortly and Namjoon just nodded, eyes flicking between the family members silently. “And did you adjust for a profit at the margin we discussed?”

“Yes sir,” came the deep steady voice, Namjoon’s eyes traveling your figure, his gaze not heavy with lust or desire, but full of curiosity. “The monthly amount that you should request for that profit is in the proposal if you would like to review it.” He finished and cleared his throat. “I can return if you want me to look over the contract,” he said softly, clearing fishing for a dismissal and your father granted it, offering his hand and you felt your mouth tighten in confusion.

“What contract?”

Namjoon grabbed a briefcase and inclined his head to you stiffly in farewell before his long legs carried him out the doorway. Your father’s gaze didn’t leave your eyes as he spoke. “Yoongi, see him out.” Yoongi nodded and started after the tall man in silence, not sparing you a second glance on his way out.

“I asked you what contract?” you said softly, struggling to keep your voice even as your father stepped closer to you.

“Well, you went out. Spent a lot of money that you’ve done nothing to earn, and caught someone’s eye in the process. Someone worth a lot of money and who would be an asset to have closer to the family at this point in his career.” Your father clasped his hands behind his back as he continued to close the distance between you, each step he made, you felt your heart plummet further.

“Father… what exactly are you implying?”

“I’m not implying anything, Y/N. I’m telling you. Someone’s made a bid for your hand, and it’s the only thing you’ll be good for at this point. The shopping sprees, your lifestyle. I can maintain them, but if someone else is willing to do so, and the marriage benefits me in my business, I’d be stupid not to pursue it. Do you think I’m stupid, Y/N?” he said, voice getting dangerously quiet as he reached out to tuck a piece of hair that had escaped the rapidly put-up ponytail behind your ear.

“You can’t sell me off like fucking cattle!-” you said, flinching away from his touch, and his large, calloused hand shot out to grab your chin tightly. He forced your face back towards his as you tried to jerk away, squeezing hard enough to make your eyes begin to water. Your heart thudded out a dangerous irregular rhythm as you breathed hard through your nose.

“I can’t? Y/N, you seem to be under the delusion that you are free from the responsibilities that come with being in this family. I suppose that may be my fault. I was too soft on you, pitied the losses I caused you to have. I always had your brother anyway; there was no harm in indulging you. But now, you’re the only one with my blood in your veins. You’re home to do a service for this family. Everyone else has given their lives in some way. Did you think you were special?” His words were measured and cold as he studied you, grip not loosening on your face. You would be bruised tomorrow as you felt the throb set in from the pressure he was applying.

“You may order me to do it, but I don’t have to go along with this,” you hissed, barely able to open your jaw, but clenching your teeth to get your words out, rage licking up and down your body. He had taken your entire life as a child, as an adolescent. Did he really think giving you a few years of freedom put you back in his debt so far that you owed him the rest of your life?!

No sooner than the words were out of your mouth you heard the sharp crack, and felt yourself stumbling backwards into the wall. You blinked quickly as you registered the pain in your head, immediately starting to pound as the metallic taste of blood filled your mouth. You barely had time to regain a semblance of your bearings before your father was upon you again, face chillingly blank as his ringed fingers gripped the base of your ponytail, ripping your head back at an awkward angle, a scream breaching your bloody lips. The noise was cut short by another blow, snapping your head to the side before he jerked your face back to center.

“Who do you think you are, you little bitch?” he said with a lilt to his tone as you choked out a sob, unable to keep it from escaping your lips. “You really thought you weren’t going to do shit to replace that money you spent?” When he finished speaking he gave your head a violent shake, as if to scramble your thoughts further. It was completely unnecessary, as your head felt as if it was splitting with the pain he had rocked through you with his blows and harsh grip. You felt the start of a purely hysterical giggle break through, spitting out the fresh rush of blood that ran in your mouth due to the cuts in your cheek from your teeth. You noticed a piece of the skin from inside your mouth flapping loosely that made you nauseated if you dwelled on it.

The laugh was probably the worst response you could have had.

You heard a soft hiss, and your father stepped into your space further, hands darting from your head to wrap themselves around your throat and squeezing. As your hands scrambled to scratch at his hand, his arm, his face, anything, you wished you were surprised at this. You wished you were hurt because you were shocked, but you weren’t. There was blood in the water and he was a shark. He built his life this way.

“You don’t have to go along with this…” he said softly, voice void of emotion, “but you also don’t have to keep living here either. How long will you make it without this family? You’d never make it out of the city.” He mused and continued to squeeze, your vision starting to spot as you tried to draw in any bit of air within the hold he had, the choking heaves under the weight of him making the blood that had pooled in your mouth from his blows spill over your chin grotesquely as it began to stream onto his hand. “So will you behave for once in your fucking life?”

You were hyper aware of the tears streaming down your face as you managed the smallest of nods. You supposed he was right; you had never imagined you would be used in the family in any way. Your entire life had been lonely, and even though you hated it, you had resigned yourself to it. His hands unwrapped themselves from your neck, letting you inhale a burning gasp of air as you slid down the wall, and onto the floor. You coughed and rocked forward onto all fours as the shaking of your body didn’t allow for much more than consciousness.

Your father pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the crimson of your blood off his hand before tossing it to you on the floor. You could barely recognize the quick but unhurried footsteps coming back down the hallway to the office before they stopped short.

“Yoongi, take her upstairs.”

The flush from hustling back to his boss’s office drained from Yoongi’s face as his eyes widened at your figure hunched forward onto your elbows on the floor. He watched you hack as your body tried to clear your airway. Yoongi stayed silent as he reached down, crouching next to you and attempting to offer you a hand so you could stand on your own, for which you were thankful. You felt the physical pain, but no emotions as your mind sluggishly screamed at you to just accept his hand and stand. You needed to walk out of here on your own. You knew you wouldn’t make it all the way to your room after the assault, but you didn’t need to. Just to the elevator.

You reached out your hand, shaking hard, as you clasped at his large palm and hoisted yourself up, letting him pull lightly as he stood with you, noting that he was still silent. You tried to ignore how your vision swam before you, willing your knees not to buckle. You couldn’t pinpoint if the unsteadiness was from the blows to your face, the lack of oxygen, or the tears that had thankfully stopped streaming down your face but still filled your eyes.

Yoongi seemed to read your mind, shifting his grip from your hand to your upper arm, nestling in your underarm and gently steered you to the door, but let you support most of your weight on the way out. You walked in silence as he didn’t rush you down the hallway, both of your eyes trained on the lift door as he typed in the code. As you waited for the door to open you felt your shaking legs betray you and start to bend. You glanced away from him, the movement of your eyes causing a piercing pain to shoot through your head. “Please,” was all you rasped wetly as you put more weight and started to sink, but the pressure holding you up immediately doubled, Yoongi’s support forcing you upright, even if it made your shoulder raise. It would be almost imperceptible from your father’s office if he was still looking in your direction, but you doubted he would. He had already received your submission; he didn’t need you for anything else.

Yoongi didn’t seem to want to take the chance that he was still watching, stepping into the elevator and continuing to only hold you in one place. His grip was still disguised as if he was walking you out in the same way he may escort an associate who was no longer welcome - in such a manner that would deter any further escalation. No one would be able to tell he was the only thing keeping you upright.

As the door slid shut to the elevator the facade crumbled, you lurching forward and gasping out a sob of pain, tilting your head down to let the blood that had been collecting in your mouth pour out onto the floor. You forgot how much mouth wounds bled. Yoongi was not bothered with the grotesque display as he swiftly adjusted his grip to wrap around your shoulders, his other arm sweeping at your feet as he lifted you with apparent ease. You shut your eyes as the tears began to flow once more, unable to restrain the moans and whimpers of pain that escaped between gasps as you cried. He still hadn’t said a word, even as you turned your face into his suit jacket, inhaling jaggedly as you tried to focus on the scent permeating from him, trying to place it through your snot-filled nose. The only thing you could recognize was the warm, woodsy scent of patchouli as you reached a shaking hand up to hold onto his jacket tightly. You knew he wouldn’t drop you, but it grounded you all the same.

You tried to slow your breathing, but failed as the elevator door opened and Yoongi strode quickly to your bedroom door, bending at the knees and somehow using his crook of his elbow and his body to turn the door knob, the only change in your positioning being that you tilted slightly as he spun it. He kicked the door with his foot gently as he stepped in, by-passing your bed as he carried you into your bathroom, carefully getting on his knees as he lowered you into your large bathtub as he placed you there. You continued to breath quickly, your gasps becoming sharper as your gentle shaking soon became uncontrollable. You released his jacket as he stood and you pulled your knees to your chest, shutting your eyes finally as you heard the tap briefly run before a cool rag brushed your chin, eyes flying open as you flinched away.

“Shh, I need to see your face. I have to get the blood off,” Yoongi whispered, and you finally looked at him, noting his face was still paler than normal. “Princess, I need you to take a slow, deep breath okay? Can you do that? Your lips are turning blue; you’re hyperventilating. You’re safe,” he murmured, brows pinching together in a pained expression you had never seen on his face as you tried to nod, attempting to take a long breath in but ended up gulping in air multiple times on the way, the blurring of your vision worsening as Yoongi grimaced, your breathing speeding up again, your shoulders shrugging with the effort to take in air. The last thing you heard was Yoongi’s tense exclamation of “Shit!” before you blacked out.

When you awoke, you were under the covers of your large bed. You sat up quickly before groaning from the ache in your head, then realizing that opening your mouth made you want to scream from pain. Between the squeeze on your jaw and the cuts inside your mouth, it was safe to say you would be saying very little for a while. You glanced towards the window, noting it was inky black outside.

“How long has he hit you?” came a cool voice from beside your bedside and you turned to face the source, seeing a figure standing beside the small table, casting a shadow with the aid of a lamp. Had he even left? Yoongi had shed his stained suit jacket, but still wore the white shirt and same suit pants. You only knew it was the same shirt due to the blood stain from where your mouth must have painted him. Instead of attempting to speak, you shrugged in an attempt to get his gaze off of you. It was piercing and unnerving. You felt as if this was the beginning of an interrogation, and you didn’t fail to notice the color had still not returned to his normally pale face. Now that your mind was a bit clearer you were able to recognize why it registered so deeply with you. He was the embodiment of white with fury. “How. Long?” he said again with such harshness you swallowed hard, ignoring the fire that licked down your throat as you did so.

“That’s a joke right? He’s always been like that. I just normally am better at avoiding it,” you forced out; your words were almost incoherent as you tried to move your jaw as little as possible as you spoke. That was bearable. Good. Not that you had expected it to be, but at least your jaw wasn’t broken; that would have been a pain in the ass. “What time is it?”

“It’s three am,” Yoongi hissed as his eyes glimmered in the near darkness, pushing off the wall and grabbing a glass of water off the table and sweeping a few pills into his hand. “Take these.” You took his offering and a small sip of the water before carefully throwing the pills to the back of your throat and washing them down, sighing softly. “They’re pain pills. They’ll help and you’ll be able to go back to sleep in a bit.”

You didn’t answer but pulled back the cover of your bed and slid out, noting that your bloody shirt had been changed but you still had on your sports bra and leggings. And your ponytail had been taken down, which was probably a good thing since your scalp was still aching from the hold your father had you in.

“Y/N… don’t.” Came Yoongi’s voice, still unemotional but a bit gentler than his earlier tone. You didn’t turn back to him but stopped your path to your vanity, obviously trying to look at your reflection in the mirror to assess the damage.

“Is it that bad?” you grumbled, turning to him and you watched him shrug.

“It’s not good. Don’t worry about it tonight. No bones are broken from what I can tell. I wiped you down the best I could. Just change once I leave and get back into bed.”

You let out a deep breath but finally stepped towards your closet instead to grab an oversized t-shirt. You could work the bra off under it and slip your pants off once you had it on. “Why did you even stay?” you said softly as you set to work, your muscles aching as you attempted to change modestly. You don’t know why it even mattered, but in this moment it did.

“I needed to know if he had done this before. I needed to know if this was the first time. When we were kids, you weren’t around all the time. Sometimes, I’d go months without seeing you. I didn’t know if this was a part of it,” he spat out, visibly tensing as he took a loud steadying breath.

You shrugged as you pulled off your leggings, successful in stripping your bra off under the shirt, and padded back to your bed. “There were a few reasons he kept me separated from everyone. It wasn’t all because he thought I was too precious to see any of this.” You climbed back into bed and tried to settle back into the plushness. Yoongi took a step closer to you, his mouth slightly open as he watched you try to get comfortable, seemingly unable to stop himself.

“Y/N…” he said softly and reached a hand towards you and you stiffened, eyes narrowing, and he took note, dropping his hand slowly.

“Yoongi, I never asked for your fucking pity.”

“I know, and it makes me want to help you even more.”

You blinked and tried to register what he was implying. “Help me?” you repeated, shaking your head as you felt the same hysterical laugh bubble up that had made your assault that much worse in your father’s office. “No one can help me!” You laughed, eyes widening as the smile twisted your features. “This is my life, this is what I was born into. This is what all those shiny things cost, Yoongi! I always knew it but I forgot.” You watched as the pained expression from earlier slid back over his features, and you raised your eyebrows in response. “I appreciate it, but unless you’re willing to put a bullet in my fucking head there’s no saving anything.”

“Who says it has to be your head, Princess?” he said gently and you swear you felt the world stop.

“Don’t say shit like that Min,” you hissed, baring your teeth and shaking your head. “Even if we don’t always get along, I don’t want you dead too.”

“Whatever you say Princess,” he said, a smile tugging at his lips as he cocked his head to the side. “Are you alright to sleep? You don’t feel like you’re going to vomit?” he asked seriously, watching as you shook your head.

“I don’t have a concussion,” you grumbled but as you watched him smirk and go to grab his jacket you felt your heart speed up. “Yoongi- w-wait.” He immediately stopped, as if he was anticipating your words. “Can you stay here the rest of the night? I know he won’t do anything but I-”

“Let me go change my clothes. Is that okay Princess?”

“Yeah… I just don’t want to be-”

“It’s fine Y/N. I’ll be right back.” You stayed sitting up, watching him as he dismissed your attempts at explanations and justification as he walked out.

You sighed, leaning against the leather headboard and let your breathing even out, even as your heart still raced. The pain began to slowly ebb as the medication took effect; what had you even taken? It had to be something strong as a comfortable fog began to cloud your thoughts.

You didn’t know why you felt the need to have him here. Did you even need to explain? He was technically your bodyguard. You had known each other most of your lives. You had just suffered through an assault; staying with you was reasonable. Even if the assailant wasn’t unknown, nor were the motives. At the end of the day, Yoongi’s presence made breathing a bit easier. His presence made you feel safe.

The door opened again and you sucked in a breath as Yoongi re-entered your bedroom, one hand carrying his gun and holster, the other a hanger with a clean pressed suit. “I’ll wake up before you,” was all he said in response to your surprised expression as he studied you. He mistook the shock on your face as being accredited to the suit. He was an idiot if he thought you cared about the fact he would dress here. You were too busy drinking in the sight of his lean figure in low-slung grey sweatpants. You tried to rip your gaze back to his face but you got caught on the black ribbed tank top and the swirling black tattoos covering his shoulder and chest before disappearing under the material.

“I didn’t know you had tattoos,” you choked out, feeling your face flush and mentally slapping yourself. He may look like sex on legs, but you looked like you just had the shit beat out of you. Which to be fair to yourself, you actually just had the shit beat out of you.

“Oh, I forgot,” he said, a small smirk tilting his lip up but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He draped his suit over the chair to your vanity and carried his gun with him towards the plush armchair in the corner of the room.

“The bed is big enough Min. I won’t touch you,” you said breathlessly, trying to force away the blush that was deepening across your face. He seemed to freeze and take a few steadying breaths.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Princess.” His voice was controlled but quiet.

“Please Yoongi…” you said just as quietly. “It’s just for tonight. I won’t feel safe if you’re all the way over there.”

It was definitely an over exaggeration. You hadn’t really expected him to even agree to stay in your room with you. The chair was the reasonable option. You knew you were pushing it.

“Princess, I-” He breathed, the airiness of his tone making your belly somersault and it gave you a tiny shiver.

“Yoongi, please. I need you next to me. Just tonight.” You shouldn’t be so worried about getting this man into bed with you, but now that he was here in front of you and it was so close to happening, you felt you might cry if he denied you.

You watched his back muscles rippled as he tensed and tried to relax. He turned wordlessly and walked to the opposite side of the bed, setting his holster down and climbing into the king-sized bed with you. “Go to sleep Princess.”

The drugs had to be prescriptions, not that you really expected a member of an organized crime family to just take a regular aspirin when they were in pain. “Is the oxy working yet? It should start soon if it hasn’t.” You hummed your assent as you squirmed down into the bed and tried to keep the smile from your face as you reached over and turned out the lamp. You took a deep breath and shut your eyes, savoring the heat that quickly built from having two bodies under the covers of your bed, ignoring the slightly annoyed sigh from the other side of the bed.

“Be quiet Min, I’m trying to rest,” you said softly and a soft dry chuckle cut through the silence as you let sleep take you.

Yoongi’s POV

Yoongi listened to the soft sounds of your breathing as they lengthened and deepened, the pain pills having done their job perfectly. If only he could have done his job in such a manner. He had been given a job: to keep you safe, and he took it seriously. Even if the one assigning his work was an abusive piece of shit. Yoongi let out a sigh, glancing over at your figure in the dark to make sure his huff hadn’t disturbed your slumber. It didn’t. You were still laying there, eyes closed and unaware, your face turned towards him to afford him a view of what exactly your father had done in his absence.

He felt his teeth grind against each other as even in the dark, he could make out the near black bruises covering your neck in the clear shape of hands, a bloom crossing your smooth cheek as well. Even your chin and jaw were dark from bruising; evidence that your father had held your face to force submission. It had worked. He opened his mouth and stretched his own jaw to try and stop himself from continuing to grind his molars down to nothing in rage. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to forget how you looked and how he felt when he entered the office, watching the blood drip onto the floor. How he wanted nothing more than to simply pull out his gun and lodge a bullet into your father’s knee before proceeding to swing the butt of his gun down onto him until he shattered every bone in the pig’s disgusting face.

Until he begged him to stop. Until he begged his daughter to tell Yoongi to stop.

The daydream made Yoongi smile a full gummy smile and chuckle for the first time today. He would stop when you told him to. If you told him to. Now that he knew your father had put his hands on you before this, he wondered if you would just let him continue until his mania at seeing what had been done to you was sated. He knew it wouldn’t be until he heard your father’s death rattle, knowing it had been at his own hands.

You stirred slightly to readjust in your sleep, drawing his attention back to the present as you moved closer to him in the bed and he sucked in a breath. Even beaten and bruised you affected him. Even carrying you in that elevator down the hall as you clutched onto him. He had been spiraling down into violence but as soon as you grabbed his jacket, he knew you wouldn’t withstand even him raising his voice to anyone without shattering. You were normally so fierce and seeing you broken made him want to tear apart this entire society you both lived in, even if it was all either of you had ever known.

It was then he had decided he would be what you were asking of him with your sobs and how you clutched onto him; he would be as gentle as could be and give you whatever you needed tonight. Tomorrow he would begin the undertaking of dismantling your father piece by fucking piece.

He had watched over you after you passed out; you had woken up briefly for him to get you to take pain medicine once before you actually were able to speak to him. Before you asked him to stay with you. He wanted to pretend it didn’t make his icy heart crack, the way you tried to explain and justify his presence. He would never ask you to in this kind of situation. When Yoongi returned to his room, he attempted to steel himself for a night of sitting in that uncomfortable chair, and a sleepless day tomorrow. He had gone more than twenty-four hours without sleep before.

But when your eyes, even if they had started to become glossy and dilated from the drugs, began to run over him, he had to try and think of every unsexy thing he could fathom. You had just been fucking violated and just with one look he felt the blood travel away from his brain and pool below his waist. Why did he think he would be able to wear sweatpants while staying with you? You destroyed every semblance of self control he had. He still hadn’t forgotten your teasing in the elevator prior to this shit show.

Then your soft drowsy voice had called out to him just as he had regained his mental fortitude and continued to the chair. You would be the fucking death of him and he didn’t think he would really mind. Now, as he laid here in bed with you trying to ignore the fact that you were shifting closer to him in your sleep, seeking his warmth, he closed his eyes. He had anticipated the pure fury of tonight keeping him awake, but instead it was the fact that he could feel your breath on his neck, that if he turned his head back to you he could still make out your absolutely gorgeous feminine form from under the blankets. The dip in your waist and the curve of your hips, sloping into your soft thigh. Yoongi’s eyes shot open as he let out a soft hiss as he felt his member stiffen in his sweats, one large hand reaching down to palm himself, and he willed his hard-on to disappear.

He dropped his eyes again, confident he would get his bulge to go down without waking you, and as he tended to it, a soft small hand reached across his middle, making his forehead furrow. He tried to take a steadying breath, and tried to not imagine that the events of last night weren’t the reason he was in your bed. That you had just invited him to bed because you wanted him there, not for security but because you wanted him as a man to share your bed and body. That he could roll over to face you, slip his own hand up that oversized shirt and rub soft circles into your skin before slipping his hand down in-between your thighs.

Yoongi felt his cock twitch and himself harden further, forcing another deep breath in and out as he circled back to try and think of grotesque things to make his longing subside. You at least had stopped wriggling in the bed in an attempt to get closer; he was thankful for that. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and tried to calm his heart and regulate his breath to make it possible for him to drift off.

This was going to be a long night.

#bts suga #bts ff #bts x reader #mafia!bts #bts gang au #bts imagines #yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #btsxarmy #License to steal

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zmayadw · 4 years

Text

Hello :)

It’s time for the next part :)

Thanks again to all who read it so far!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 3

I woke up with the sun already out, making my eyes adjust to the light again. I checked the clock above doors. 9.45. Huh, nice, I tought, the nurse didnt lie when she said the pain meds would make me sleep better. I felt more rested today, but still pretty sore. I managed to get up and go to bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror -I looked like hell. I hoped Jessy would come today with my stuff, I needed some fixing up urgently. As I was leaving the bathroom, my phone beeped with new message. My heart jumped with excitement,only to see it was Jessy. „Hey hey, sleeping beauty, im sorry, you will have to manage without my awesomness today, but dont worry, i'm sending the next best person to keep you company! ;D Call you later ,kisses!“ I smiled as I layed back to bed. That sweet nurse from before entered my room smiling. „Good morning, hun, hope you slept well“. „I sure did, thanks.“ I replied, while she settled the food tray with breakfast on the stand. She helped me make myself comfortable in bed, and putted the tray in front of me, when a voice came from the door. „Doris! My favorite nurs!“ It was Dan, and Doris chuckled as Dan came over to the bed. „Oh my, hun, if I knew who your friend was, I would have brought you something stronger then this tea“ I laughed, while Dan made a gesture with his hands, stabing at his heart. „Awww, c'mon Doris, dont be so cruel, you know you like me!“ Doris just waved her head as she went for the door. „If this schmuck starts to bother you too much, you just yell hun.“ I smiled at her „Thanks Doris, I might just do that.“ Dan looked at me. „Is that a 'thank you' I get for coming here?“ he siad, being dramatic as Dans always is. I grinned „Ofcourse not! But its entertaining to see you all squirmy.“ „Tsk,tsk, sure, pick on poor Dan.“ He grabed a chair and sat next to the bed. „You look like shit, Maya.“ „Gee, thanks Dan, thats really what I wanted to hear.“ I said, even tho I knew he was right, I did look awful. „Hey, dont get mad at me, I just say it as it is! Luckily, Dan is here to the rescue..again.“ he said handing me my backpack. „ Jessy went through your stuff, and filled your pack with what she tought you might need the most. She said to text her later if theres anything else you need so she can bring it.“ „Thanks Dan.“ I said taking the backpack from him. „And I mean thanks, not just for this.“ Dan looked at me, and I could read a bit of worry on his face. He quickly tried to hide it „Hey, no need to thank me, I told you once before, if theres a damsel in distress, im here to help.“ „Damsel“ I snorted. „Doubt that a damsel would act so stupid as I did.“ I felt that awfull feeling of guilt taking over me again. „Look Maya, i'm really not the one to judge you here. Yes, what you did was Incredibly stupid, and lets be honest, you almost got yourself killed. When Lily called me and told me everything, I was so pissed at both of you, well you mostly, but also kinda excited that someone actualy took the matter into its own hands.“ I looked at him with awe, I didnt quite expect it. He continued „And frankly, I kinda expected something like this from you sooner or later, well at least the part of you coming to Duskwood. As I was running to my car, calling Thomas and filing him in on everything,I got really angry at you for not turning to me for help. You know I would help you no matter what, I told you that hundred of times before.“ „Yes Dan, I know you would.“ I said, even more of that guilt creeping in. „But you didnt! Then I tought, maybe afterall you didnt trust me enough as you said.“ „I did trust you, I do trust you Dan, you have to know that.“ Now even tears started forming in my eyes. „I know, Maya, its just how I felt at the time. And when I got to the mine, Thomas was already there, with this cop who was close by and responded to the call since I told Lily to inform that inspector guy. He said we should wait for backup, but stuborn as I am, I just rushed in, Thomas yelling after me, but I just kept running. Good thing they went after me, because God only knows what would happen if they didnt.“ I couldnt keep the tears anymore, and I just burst out crying. Dan got up from his chair, sat next to me on the bed, hugging me. „ As I said im not here to judge you, or make you fell more guilty. Heck, I might have done the same thing, or something worse. Things wer starting to get us really nowhere, and something happening was kinda of a kickoff for me. And im not mad at you any more Maya, just to get that out in the opet.“ „Thanks Dan, I really appriciate it.“ I barely managed through my tears. „Yeah,yeah, im awesom, I know.“ He grined at me, as i looked him with eyes full of tears. He huged me a bit tighter, and I rested my head on his shoulder. „You got me really freaking scared there in that mine, Maya. When I saw you like that..“ he paused. „I cant say how much im sorry about all, Dan. I did more harm then good, and I betrayed all of you guys again.“ „Well, at the end, you did find Hannah, so im sure Thomas wont have that much of a grudge.“ He grined at me, handing me a tissue, wich made me relax a bit. „Yes I did. And how are our little love birds doing?“ i asked wiping the tears, as Dan moved back to the chair. „Oh, theyr fine. Thomas is not letting Hannah alone for one milisecond, wich is a bit too wooshy mooshy if you ask me.“ He mad a face of gaging. „Oh, c'mon mister tough guy, that picture Jessy sent me of you two from last night was quite mooswhy wooshy in my eyes.“ I said teasingly. „If you ever say that to anyone about me, and I mean ANYONE, i swear Maya...“ I didnt let him finish, I just grined „Dont worry, your mooshy wooshy secret is safe with me.“ „Good, good. So when are they letting you go from this shit hole?“ „Oh, come on, its not that terrible here: food is not bad, room is nice and quiet, and I have a killer wiev, what's the hurry?“ „I promised you some whiskey.“ he grined „And Jessy wont let me drink, but when you get out she wont be abel to say no.“ „ You really ARE scared of Jessy.“ I said laughing. „She might be small, but the woman is a dynamite when serious!“ I laughed so hard, the tea I just sipped when out through my nose. „Thanks Dan, I needed this.“ „Dan to the rescue.“ He smiled and winked. „Sooo...“ he starte, and I got a feeling I knew what he gonna ask me. „Did the 'hackerboy' contaced you by now?“ „His name is Jake, could you please not call him that anymore.“ I said a bit too stern maybe. „All right, all right, no need to get all serious on me now. Did 'Jake' contacted you?“ I hesitated for a brief moment before answering „No, nothing yet. And to be honest, might be better like that. I myself am not too eager for that talk .“ „Heh, I can understand that. If I was that much pissed at you back then, I dont want to imagine how much 'hac..' , sorry, Jake is pissed at you right now.“ „Well, I guess I will find out soon enough..if he still wants to talk to me at all.“ Dan putted on his serious face, but with a little grin on it „Hey, if he talks bad to you, let me know, i'll show him off!“ „Ohh, im sure you would enjoy that..maybe even to much.“ I said, him grinning even more. „But thanks, Dan, again, for everything.“ „Yeah,yeah, dont you get all wooshy mooshy on me now also.“ he said, getting up. „Well, I gotta go. You get better soon, and call if you need anything.“ „Thanks, Dan, sure will.“ I replied, and waved him goodby. Doris came shortly after Dan left, and got me off the IV, suggesting I take a shower. I grabbed the pack Jessy sent me, and went through it. I took out some underweare, clean shirt and sweatpants, grabbed the shampoons, tooth brush and paste and headed for the bathroom. The shower did feel nice, but it took me ages to finish it, since I was still quite sore. A big bruise at my ribs was still making me short breathed at the times, and all the other cuts and bruises didnt help with easing the pain either. I had a cut on the back of my head, wich was the reason my head still throbed a lot. I brushed my teeth, looked myself in the mirror, and already could notice some color coming back to my cheeks. I got back to bed and took my phone, might aswell check those messages and emails, its not like I'm have anything smarter to do. Most emails wer not important, I answered a few I needed, and switched to messages. Most of missed calls and messages wer from the night of the incident, so not much replaying needed here. Cleo sent a message saying shes happy im ok, and she will come to visit soon. Thomas also sent a message, thanking me for everything, emphasising tho that I was reckles and how all could have ended differently, but still no grudges from his side. He was just too happy Hannah was back with him. Ofcourse, they all wished me to get well soon, and they cant wait for when I get out so we can all meet properly.I replied to both, thanking them for good wishess. Staring at my chats screen, I opened my conversation with Jake. He was offline, ofcourse. I stared at the blinking pointer on the text space, but I didnt know what to write. My head was blank, I couldnt think of anything. After few minutes I exited the chat, settling the phone aside, and turning the tv on. Maybe some movie or something will get me relaxed a bit. I switched through channels, till I found something acceptable to watch. I ajusted myself on the pillow, and before I knew, dozed off.

#duskwood #duskwood dan #fanfic

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dearest-bucky · 4 years

Text

Breath of life (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: After Thanos snapped his fingers and wiped out half the population of the planet, the remaining half was left more broken than ever. Some people tried to move on and make the best out of the new world they were living, others couldn’t bare to do so.

Words: 8.3K

Warnings: Angst, so much angst you better sit tight for this one

A/n: The reader’s condition with her humanity is based of The Vampire Diaries, especially the parts where Stefan would flip his humanity off and go on killing sprees. It is explained further in the story but I thought I could give you a clue as to where the idea came from.

Originally posted: May 11, 2020

Every noise suddenly stopped. Even the wind that moved through the leaves of the trees, causing them to rustle, couldn’t be heard anymore. The growling of the beasts stopped, the grunts of people fighting stopped.

The air was uncharacteristically still.

Thanos snapped his fingers and vanished through a portal. He was gone.

It was only a few moments later when screams of people started piercing the air, panicked, desperate. Then she turned her head towards him, hearing his surprisingly calm voice.

“Steve?” And then he vanished too. He turned to ashes right in front of her eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She saw Steve walk towards the pile of ashes that were left behind, kneeling to softly touch the ground, a devastated look in his face.

“Oh God.” Was all he said, losing his balance and falling on the ground with a thud.

Everyone that were left soon gathered around him. Natasha, Bruce, Rhodey and Thor standing there, battered and tired, but their faces showed fear and shock too.

Everything was silent and still until a blood curdling scream that erupted from the depths of her chest left her mouth. Five pairs of eyes turned to look at her, but none of them was fast enough to move towards her as to not let her now unconscious body fall to the ground.

She woke up with a headache, in a room so white it almost blinded her. She was dizzy and unsure of her surroundings and she started to panic, frantically trying to remove the IV in her arms and the other wires attached to her body.

A nurse came in immediately, but as soon as she saw her state, she left the room hurriedly, only to return a few moments later with other people. In the middle of her panic she recognized Steve, and when he neared her bed, trying to stop her thrashing she clung to him like a lifeline and started to cry with loud sobs.

He cradled her head in his arms softly, shushing her with his voice. Eventually she had no choice but to calm down and Steve was grateful for that.

Despite her calming down, he didn’t move away from her, now sitting more comfortably on her bed and hugging her so tight he was surprised how she could still breathe. But she seemed like she didn’t care about that, her own arms linked around his torso just as tight, maybe more. She was still crying, but now it was only silent tears. She was so weary and exhausted she didn’t have the force to even sob anymore.

After a few more minutes, or maybe it was hours, not moving even an inch or letting go of him, with her face still burrowed in his chest, she mumbled tiredly. “Where are we?” Her voice was so weak and almost inaudible, but Steve’s super soldier hearing didn’t miss it.

“Wakanda. We brought you to the palace’s med bay immediately after you lost consciousness.” He explained and she could almost see it again how it all happened.

In her head replayed the moment she saw Bucky vanish right in front of her, she saw Steve’s desperation and as if she was living an out-of-body experience, she saw herself scream and then crash to the ground with a loud thud. Then her mind, just like her body, had blacked out too. Everything that surrounded her turned dark once more, and if it wasn’t for Steve’s presence keeping her grounded, she would have lost it again.

A fresh wave of tears streamed down her face and she could barely manage to wipe them with the back of her hand before speaking again. “I want to go home.”

Home. But what was home anymore? The Avengers compound in New York? That hasn’t been her home in almost 3 years. Wakanda? Definitely not. This place was filled with so many memories she wanted so badly to forget. In the last five years of her life, she had associated the notion of home not with a place, but with a person. To her, home was Bucky. But now that he was gone, she was left alone, homeless.

“Don’t worry Y/n, I’ll take care of you.” Steve whispered near her ear and she couldn’t do anything but agree. He was all she had left, the closest connection with Bucky, so she guessed it would be the right thing to stick with him.

The next day, they were all gathered near the quinjet, all that were left anyway. She stood close to Steve, always leaning to him, scared that if she moved to far he would disappear too. After saying goodbye to Okoye and a few Dora Milajes that were left, they entered the jet one after the other, heads hanging low and hurt.

Natasha was sitting next to Rhodey and Bruce, while she and Steve sat a few feet away, her head always leaning on Steve’s shoulder. The atmosphere around was heavy with heartbreak and loss and nobody was speaking, but their thoughts were all too loud Y/n could practically listen to them scream just as loud as she had before.

She had cried the entire night, exhausting herself to the limit and now she didn’t have the strength to even think anymore. She could only sniffle silently next to Steve, hoping to God she could fall asleep. At least then, she had no recollection of what had happened, she was away from the painful reality she was forced to live in.

The flight to New York was long, longer than anyone could bare to stay confined in such a small space without having to face each other and see the disappointment written across each of their figures. When they arrived though, they were met with Pepper, who looked just as bad as they did. Her eyes were red and swollen from all the crying and as soon as she saw Rhodey, she ran to hug him in hopes of consolation.

Steve hoisted Y/n in his arms, walking with her towards the sleeping quarters. He entered her old room with slow steps and set her on the bed quietly. She had fallen asleep almost an hour before landing in New York and Steve was thankful for that. He covered her body with a thick blanket and walked out just as quietly, closing the door behind him.

New York

It had been three weeks since they had returned from the greatest loss of their lives, yet they were still as disoriented as the first day. The half of the population was really gone. Hell, the half of the entire living creature. It was as if they had never existed. As if they had never been alive before. The only proof of their existence were the memories of those who were still alive. During these three weeks, there was no sign from Tony. He was considered lost too, along with the unfortunate half.

Y/n spent the days mostly in her bed, in the confines of her room. She barely moved, barely ate, barely talked. In such a short period of time all that was left of her was the shell of the person she used to be. She was grieving and it seemed that isolating herself from the rest of the world was her way of doing so.

It was just another day, just like the rest of them had been, when Natasha opened her door and entered her room with a glint in her eye she hadn’t seen during this last month. “Tony’s here.” Were the only words she said before she walked out of her room again, just as quickly as if she had come, and Y/n thought for a moment that she had imagined it all. That maybe her tired brain had her hallucinating. But she was soon proved wrong when she heard commotion coming from outside her room. She threw the blanket on the floor and got up from her bed too quickly for her own liking. Bad idea! Her vision turned black as soon as she got up on her legs and she had to lean on the bed again or she would fall down. She blinked hard a couple of times before standing on shaky legs and making the way towards the voices in the other room.

As soon as she entered, she was met with Tony yelling at Steve, disappointment and anger noticeable in the tone of his voice. She stood back, not daring to say anything as Tony continued to talk to Steve, calling him a liar and then only a moment later he lost consciousness. Y/n let out a small gasp when she saw him fall to the ground like that, so weak and tired.

After the satellite signal for the appearance of a new planet, the Avengers, or what was left of them, along with Carol, Nebula and Rocket, left on a mission, hoping they would be able to undo the Snap.

Considering the weak state she was in, not only physically but also mentally, Steve ordered her to stay at the compound with Tony and Pepper, despite her arguing and insisting that she had every right to go in that mission as much as the rest of them.

So she sat next to Tony’s bed with Pepper, chatting softly while Tony was having a much needed rest.

“Don’t lose hope just yet.” Pepper said to her, a genuine tone of voice, but she had a hard time believing it nonetheless. It was easy for Pepper to say so. It wasn’t the love of her life who turned to ashes in front of her. She had Tony back. Back and safe and close to her. Something she didn’t. She nodded her head in agreement anyway, not wanting to say anything to upset or hurt the other woman’s feelings. Don’t get her wrong, she was happy Tony was alive and well, as well as he could be anyway, but at least he was there.

After losing her parents in a supposedly car accident, which she knew was work of Hydra, Tony was the first person to support her 18 years old self, despite the fact that she didn’t need it. She had been trained by her parents her entire life the same way S.H.I.E.L.D agents were trained. She was fluent in seven foreign languages, including russian and arabic, she was very skilled in hand to hand combat, martial arts and had an impeccable mark in shooting.

She was in the car with her parents that fateful day, wanting to leave New York for a family vacation when a truck came out of nowhere and cut their way, resulting in the fatal crash that took the lives of both her parents. She was barely breathing by the time two Hydra agents dragged her out of the car and took her with them, curing her from her injuries but at the same time, conducting experiment after experiment in her body.

Almost four months later, she was able to escape from them. Not wanting to turn to S.H.I.E.L.D for help, fearing there were many corrupted agents secretly working for Hydra, she decided to go to Tony. He never asked her what happened, only welcomed her as if she was his own daughter.

She had worked with the Avengers for a while, then Nick Fury learned about her being alive and he personally asked for her help in several missions he couldn’t trust anyone else with.

The Avengers returned that very same day from their mission, their heads hanging low, pain evident in their faces, looks of disappointment and hurt shared with each other, until they all retreated each in their own room without so much of a word.

She understood immediately what that meant, but she still followed behind Steve like a lost puppy, not knowing what else to do.

He entered his room and left the door open for her to enter too and wordlessly sat on the edge of his bed, throwing his compass carelessly on the nightstand. Y/n stood silently on her feet in the middle of his room, until he picked his head up to look at her. “I’m so sorry.” Was all he said before he started crying in silence, hiding his face in his hands.

“Me too.” She replied simply and turned around to walk out of his room, closing the door with a loud thud behind her.

She ran to her room and locked the door before slamming her body on the bed, hot tears running to her cheeks as she squeezed her eyes shut, as if wanting to shut out her thoughts too.

Up until that day, she had been finding solace in sleep, at least the unconsciousness and blackness of dozing off was a somewhat consolation, a time off from her thoughts and feelings, but that changed too when she woke up screaming from a nightmare. She was sweating and panting hard, barely catching her breath as she opened her eyes, only to be met with the darkness of her room.

She could hear somebody knocking on her door, wanting to come in, but she couldn’t make out the words the person on the other side was saying, neither to whom belonged that voice. A few moments later she calmed down enough to really listen to the voice that was calling out to her. Steve.

She moved from her bed with slow steps and just as slowly turned the knob to open her door, finding Steve standing there with a panicked expression on his face. “You okay?” He asked and she could only shake her head in return, unable to form any words because of the lump in her throat.

He walked two short steps in her direction and wrapped his arms around her body in a secure hug and that was all it took for the dam to break free. Tears rushed out of her eyes and loud sobs left her mouth as she clung to him desperately.

“It’s okay, it’s over now.. It’s over.” He repeated as he softly stroke her hair but nothing could calm her down.

“Nothing is over Steve.” She spoke up between hiccups and sobs. “I thought I could escape the reality in my sleep, but now that is also evaded by nightmares of what happened. Nothing will ever be over. Nothing will ever be okay.”

He moved her to her bed and laid down next to her, holding her close to his body until he felt her breathing even and that was enough indication for him that she had fallen asleep again.

When she woke up in the morning, every part of her body was aching, her head was close to exploding as if she was reliving a bad hangover. Steve was nowhere to be found, despite the fact that she remembered vividly falling asleep in his arms after the last night’s nightmare. She got up from her bed with slow, unsteady steps and walked out of her room towards the kitchen, searching desperately for water and an aspirin.

As she slowly made her way to the kitchen, she could distinctively hear the voices of at least three different people speaking to each other. She paid no mind to what they were saying, wanting to just get in, get what she needed and get out, but when she heard her name, she stopped right in her tracks, straining her weary self to concentrate on the words they were saying.

“She has totally given up. She doesn’t even leave her bed anymore.” Natasha’s voice sounded distant, but the underlying worry was still evident in her tone. Y/n could only sigh at her words, she was right after all. She truly had given up, on herself, on the world, on life. What was the point in not giving up anyway? She had lost everyone she had ever loved. First her parents, now the love of her life. It seemed as if there was someone out there saying “No!” every time she prayed for happiness. Now who the hell was she to defy the greater powers than herself? No one, really.

She broke off the trance of her thoughts when she heard Tony’s voice this time speaking. “As long as she doesn’t leave her bed everything is fine, really.”

Natasha’s eyes widened at his words. What the hell was Tony talking about? But Steve seemed to understand the secret message lying underneath the spoken words of Stark.

“Tony’s right. As long as she doesn’t switch it off, there is still hope for her. We should give her time, she’s mourning the loss of Bucky, it’s only normal for her to stay hidden in her room all the time. It’s difficult for all of us, but we all know her condition. It is twice as hard for her.” Steve’s voice was compassionate as he spoke, almost soft with care and sympathy for her.

She decided she had heard enough of their talk and with careful steps walked backwards to her room again. She slammed the door closed harshly and sat down on her bed, thinking, rethinking her choices.

Her time with Hydra had been like living a never ending hell she didn’t deserve and when she finally managed to escape their atrocities, she was able to finally breathe again. They had experimented on her during the entire time they had her, but she never understood what had happened with her, not noticing anything different in her body.

It was only almost a year after her escape, during a mission in Lebanon, where she was surrounded by enemy forces that she finally discovered the product of the experiments made on her. One moment she was surrounded by agents, guns pointed at her and despite her professionalism she couldn’t help the feeling of panic that bloomed in her chest from the situation, then the next, without even noticing she had stopped her heart from beating and shut her brain off, only the survival instinct active in her entire being.

She lunged towards one of the agents, without caring for the gun he was holding and moved his body in front of hers, using it as a human shield. In a few short moments, the rest of the agents were scattered around the floor, all dead.

At first she couldn’t comprehend what was going on, but then it dawned on her, as if flipping a switch, she had flipped her humanity off, living on only her primal instincts, survival and killing.

It was difficult to understand what was really happening with her, but after some times and some very thorough analysis in the lab with Bruce and Tony, they could finally find out that as a result of all the experiments of Hydra, she was able to switch her humanity off and go on a killing spree like a hound thirsty for blood. The only problem was switching it on again.

They were still talking to each other when they heard the slam of a door echo through the halls and they were startled by the noise of it.

“Fri?” Tony was the first to ask the A.I and it didn’t lose a second to respond.

“That was miss Y/n, sir.” She replied, and upon hearing her answer, the three of them ran towards Y/n’s room. Steve opened her door quickly but cautiously, surprised to see her sitting in the middle of her unmade bed.

“Y/n? Is everything okay?” He asked her carefully, not wanting to startle her.

“Yeah, everything is okay Cap.” She answered, surprisingly calm and that scared him. She hadn’t been calm in almost two months, now seeing her unmoving like that was freaking him out.

He tried to walk towards her, slowly moving towards her bed, but she held her hand up, signaling him to stop. She sucked in a deep breath before closing her eyes. “I’m sorry.” It was all she said, a single teardrop staining her otherwise porcelain-like skin.

Her eyes fluttered behind her eyelids for a brief second before she opened them again, this time void of every emotion. Void of life itself.

Natasha gasped in shock at what happened, not believing she would do this to herself and them too, but she didn’t dare speak.

“What did you do?” It was Steve who spoke, shocked and unable to comprehend her action.

Year 2014, Bucharest, Romania

She was running, like she was always doing lately. Running to save her life which she loved to put in danger so carelessly. It was as if she got off from the pain, she had become addicted to the adrenaline rushing in her veins. The only thing she could feel when she was switched off. Another mission, somewhat successful, but considering the big mess she had left behind for the police to find and the knife wound on her ribs, one wouldn’t be so sure about using the word “success” to describe it.

The sun had already set, leaving place to the darkness of the night, giving her the opportunity to run undetected through the different alleys of the city. Despite the fact that she was bleeding too much, nothing could stop her from running. She had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, only the instinct to make it through and survive this guiding her steps, but to no particular direction.

Her legs were almost failing her, when she turned around the corner of another alley to walk out on a somewhat lit but empty street and her body slammed against another person. A tall figure, big and strong, gripped her forearms tightly and held her at arms length, studying her face but also not letting her fall down.

“Aw, fuck.” She cursed under her breath as the man in front of her kept staring at her face, then his eyes trailed down her body, noticing the stain of blood in her black gear. He visibly stiffened at the sight of her and the english word she muttered, thinking he had missed it, but he didn’t say anything to let her know he had understood.

“Sunteţi bine?” He asked in fluent romanian, his voice a little unsure though, despite the fact that he tried to hide his growing nerves.

She only looked at him for a second, before nodding her head slowly in approval. “Da.” Was all she replied but that was enough for him to let go of her arms and move away from her and with a final look, he started walking again, away from her, moving with slow but sure steps in the other directions.

He would leave her behind, as he planned to do the second her body slammed to his, but before he could walk too far, he heard her let out a pained grunt and she fell to her knees at the corner of the street, unable to carry on anymore.

Bucky knew he would regret it and his actions would soon come back to bite him in the ass, but he couldn’t help the nagging feeling in his chest as he saw her figure, crunched down on her knees and pressing one of her hands on her side where she was still visibly bleeding. He turned around to walk in her direction again, and he knelt next to her, inspecting her wound with nimble fingers.

She had been in and out of consciousness for the last hour, losing sight of where he was taking her. It was unusual for her to let her guard down like this, but she was in no condition to be cautious.

When she opened her eyes again, she was sitting on a chair and the man from the street was still in front of her, crunched down on his knees. He had ripped off the top of her gear, leaving her upper body in a black sports bra as he inspected her wound.

“What are you doing?” Her voice was weak and small, but he heard it nonetheless.

“We should dress your wound before you bleed to death.” His reply was short, as if calculated while he took a bottle of vodka and offered it to her. “Drink.” He ordered and she only scoffed in return.

“I don’t need it.”

“Okay, have it your way.” He unscrewed the bottle and poured the alcoholic liquid on her open wound. Except a small hiss, no other noise left her lips as he settled the bottle on the floor and picked up a small needle with a thread, sewing her flesh closed.

He could listen to her labored breaths, but she never complained while the needle pierced her wounded flesh precisely and that surprised Bucky to no end. Who was this woman, wounded and so weak, but yet so strong? Even he wasn’t that indifferent to such pain.

He put a gauze over her wound and with a small sigh got up to stand on his feet in front of her. “That will do.”

She nodded her head in response and moved to get up from the chair, legs still unsteady but she was determined to leave. “Thank you.” She said before picking up her torn off top and walking towards the front door. However she couldn’t make it too far as her knees failed her once more and this time she lost consciousness, totally blacking out.

Bucky picked her up carefully and laid her down on his mattress, it was the closest thing he had to a bed in his new house. He covered her body with the thin comforter and sat himself too at the end of the mattress, his back pressed on the wall. That night he didn’t get a single minute of sleep, only watching her chest rise and fall with every breath she took while she had occupied most of his mattress in her sleep.

The sun was already out when she woke up with a groan, surprisingly loud for someone of her measure. She squinted her eyes to get familiar with her surroundings and as soon as her brain clicked in place and she was reminded of the events of last night, she visibly panicked and scrambled against the comforter to get up and leave.

She heard the noise from behind her before she saw him. He was standing near the stove, apparently waiting for the water of the coffeepot to boil.

“Who are you?” She finally found her voice to ask and he was surprised at how different her voice sounded from last night. How panicked and… Soft? He turned to face her, turning off the stove before picking up the coffeepot and filling two mugs.

Her hair was disheveled, her skin pale and her lips were chapped, but he thought that despite everything, she was very beautiful, probably the most beautiful woman he had seen in a very long time. “I’m nobody,” He replied unsure. “I just happened to be there when you passed out and I helped you with your wound.”

His explanation seemed to please her because she simply nodded her head and walked to him, picking up one of the mugs with shaky hands and taking a sip from the hot beverage. “Thank you.” She said after a while. “For helping me.” A small pause. “And for the coffee.” She swore she could see a ghost of a smile making a very short appearance on his lips, but it left so quick she was afraid that maybe she had imagined it.

“What happened to you?” He asked her cautiously, not wanting to strike any nerve or make her feel uncomfortable. However she seemed quite relaxed in his presence, unaware of who he really was. To her, he was only a random man who had helped her from bleeding out on the street, and Bucky was content to keep it that way.

“Job gone wrong.” Her voice was calm as she answered to him and he didn’t dare ask anything else. But curiosity got the best of him, and he had to ask her some more, otherwise he would burst from the edge of not knowing. So after a couple of minutes sitting in silence and quietly sipping each on their own cup of coffee, he finally decided to speak again.

“Last night you were…” He began, unsure of how to end that sentence, and for the lack of a better word, he finally managed to finish. “…different.”

She met his eye for a brief second before taking a sip on her coffee again, as if trying to gain some time to think of an answer for him. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” She replied to him just as calmly as before.

He stared at her face, wanting to understand her more. To him she was an enigma, a mystery, and he wanted nothing more than to unravel her. He waited in silence for her to speak more, having absolutely nothing else more important to do.

It was somewhat strange, if he dared say so himself. As if the woman standing in front of him now wasn’t the same woman he met last night. Before, her eyes were void and vacant of any emotion, while now it seemed as if a storm of feelings were brewing behind her irises. He couldn’t understand what was going on with her, but he wanted to.

Y/n thought about his words for a moment, contemplating on what she could respond to him, but then she guessed nothing would happen even if she told the truth. After all, this man had saved her life. He had had every opportunity to harm her or kill her, but he hadn’t done it. Instead he had sewn her wound and had taken care of her.

“I don’t know how much will it make sense for you what I’m about to tell you, but I guess you deserve to know the truth.” She finally spoke up after a moment that stretched for far too long. So she told him everything. She told him about her life before her parents were dead, she told him about the accident that changed her life, about the experiments Hydra conducted on her, mercilessly. She told him about her condition, how she could just flip off her humanity as if with a switch, how she became a ruthless killer when she wasn’t “human” anymore. How it was difficult for her every time to flip it back on.

Bucky was captivated by her story, hanging tight to her every word, taking in everything she shared with him, not daring to interrupt her once since she began speaking. When she had mentioned Hydra he had visibly flinched, but she hadn’t noticed, too engrossed in her own story, too lost in her head to pay attention to him.

“I can flip it off voluntarily, but flipping it back on is the real problem.” She explained softly. “My friends have tried to find a solution, but apparently nothing but a black out works.”

“Well, you could go to sleep and the next morning it will be on again.” He said nonchalantly and she couldn’t help but let out a short laugh at his words. Bucky loved the sound.

“I wish it worked like that. But sleep is not the solution. It has to be a black out. Sort of like a blow in my head.” She repeated again. “Like last night. If I hadn’t lost consciousness I wouldn’t have my humanity flipped on right now.”

His eyes widened at her words, not fully understanding the extend of her condition, but eager to learn more. He was fascinated by her. “So what is it like? When you flip it off then back on?” He asked, genuinely interested.

“Well, to flip it off is easy.” She started speaking again. “It’s like a switch in my brain that I am able to control, to turn it off. It’s like nothing matters except my need to kill. There are only two reflexes, or whatever you want to call them, kill and not get killed. I guess that’s what makes me really good at my job.” She scoffed sarcastically at her own words, having grown already tired of what she did for a living. “That’s easy though. The difficult part comes the next time I open my eyes and my head hurts and it is as if every feeling I had shut out when my humanity was flipped off, crashes within me with full force, it is so intensive it hurts.”

She spent the rest of the day with him, talking, sharing her entire life with this stranger. In a way it helped with the intensity of having her humanity flipped on after so long, his presence was calming, as if comforting, but soon she had to leave seeing as it was time for her to go back to New York.

“Thank you for everything.” She said to him before leaving and he nodded his head, unable to say something else. She walked out of his door, a couple of steps away from him, then turned back and walked to him, quickly wrapping both of her arms around his torso in a short hug. At the action, Bucky’s breath hitched but he relaxed before she removed herself from him. “Goodbye.” Were her last words before she walked out, this time for good.

Year 2023, Mexico

All around her, dead bodies were scattered on the ground, yet she didn’t care at all about them. After all, it was what they deserved. Five years ago, she had chosen a very similar path to Clint, going after every bad guy she could get her hands on. After flipping her humanity off right in front of Steve she had slowly walked away from him, taking nothing with her when she left the compound.

Nobody had followed behind her, knowing very well neither one of them could make her change her mind. They had let her walk away without so much of a fight, all too tired to go after her.

“She’ll come back.” Tony had stated simply. “Whenever she’s ready.”

Now, five years and too many killings to count later, she still wasn’t planning to go back. Still not satisfied with all the blood she had in her hands. But she reasoned there was not enough blood in the world to make up for the life of Bucky. There were not enough lives, to make up for his death.

She threw her weapon on the floor, next to the dead bodies, and turned around to walk away as if everything was fine. This was her normal now. She was walking towards her bike, which she had parked at least a hundred feet away from the warehouse she had just destroyed, when she finally noticed him. As tall as she remembered him. As lean as always, broad shoulders and muscly arms rippling through the navy shirt he was wearing.

She stopped in her tracks, surprised to see him there after all this time. She knew the Avengers kept tabs on her location every time she moved, but up until now, none of them had come for her. And she was glad to keep it that way. But now, seeing Steve leaning on her bike so casually, she couldn’t help but wonder why he was there.

“Fancy seeing you here, Captain.” She spoke sarcastically, as if his presence there didn’t even bother her just a little.

“Time to come back home Y/n.” He said to her simply, as if he didn’t hear her sassy remark.

“I don’t have a home.” She replied just as nonchalantly as he spoke, and at that Steve couldn’t help but let out a dejected sigh.

“We can bring him back Y/n.” He finally said and she whipped her head up in his direction so fast she became dizzy. “We can bring Bucky and everyone back.” Despite the fact that she couldn’t feel anything, the mention of his name stirred something deep within her and she couldn’t speak another word anymore, lost in the moment, suddenly every memory she had with him rushing in her head.

Year 2015, Bucharest

It was 10 months later when she returned to Romania for the second time. After spending many months with the Avengers, working and living with them at the Tower, they had become some sort of a family to her. Weird and dysfunctional, but a family nonetheless. Wanda was one of her closest friends, their Hydra experiences something they could bond over, relating with each other more than with anybody else in the team. Other than her, Steve became a good friend, his quiet and polite self making way in her life slowly but surely.

After a long time talking with Steve about his past and his life before the war, Y/n finally gathered all the information she gave him and connected the dots in her head. The mysterious man from last year that had saved her life was none other than Bucky Barnes, Steve’s oldest friend. Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier. She didn’t dare say anything about it to Steve, but she decided to go back in Romania, hoping to find him again.

She thought about her mysterious hero whenever she would change her clothes and touch the puckered skin on her ribs that he had sewed. She often wondered how was he doing, what was going on with him, but never dared to go back to the place they had met.

Now, almost a year later and after learning who he really was, she had no other choice but to try and find him again. She knew it was a long shot trying to find him again after all this time, almost sure she would not find him in Bucharest anymore, but when she knocked on the door of his apartment she was surprised to find him there.

“Cine e?” He asked from the other side of the door and only when he heard her voice say her name, did he dare to unlock the door and open it, coming face to face with the woman he had seen too long ago for his liking. Despite the time that had passed, she looked still the same, her eyes still as kind and full of emotion as he remembered. “Y/n.” He breathed out her name. “What are you doing here?”

She didn’t answer right away, walking inside his apartment uninvited. If it bothered him, he didn’t say anything, he only closed the door behind her and locked it again.

She was looking around the place, almost everything was the same as the last time she had been there. His mattress was still on the corner of the room, a pillow and the same old comforter on it. After a few minutes of inspecting the place, she turned to face him, and finally managed to speak. “You’re Bucky Barnes.” She said matter-of-factly and his eyes widened at her words.

Here comes the bite in my ass, he thought to himself as she looked at him in a way he couldn’t quite decipher.

He stiffened as her eyes were glued on his face and as if she could read his thoughts, she spoke up again. “Don’t worry, nobody knows about you.”

“How did you find out?” He asked, visibly uncomfortable with the fact that she knew his identity.

“Steve. He talked so much about you and I connected the dots.” She explained. “It makes sense, you know. Why you don’t want to be found.” He only nodded his head at her, not knowing what else to say. He wasn’t sure if he could even believe her.

“Why are you here?”

“Honestly, I didn’t think I would find you here again, I was really surprised when you answered the door.” She let out a small breath before she began speaking again. “I have thought of you often during the last 10 months, but after talking to Steve and realizing who you were, I had to come back and see you again.” She confessed. It was noticeable it wasn’t easy for her to speak up those words, but the way she spoke them, with a sincerity in her tone, Bucky had no doubt in his mind anymore. He closed the distance with her in three short strides and placed his hand under her chin, tilting her head up to meet his eyes.

“Why?” He asked again.

Her eyes moved from his eyes to his lips, and she swallowed visibly. She wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable under his gaze, but it was somewhat intense. “I don’t know..” She started explaining, having a hard time finding the right words. “I guess, I just..”

He didn’t let her finish speaking, but slowly, allowing her the time to retreat if she wanted to, leaned his head down to meet their lips in a short and chaste kiss. He broke the contact too soon for her liking, and after another second of looking at each other’s eyes, she snaked her hand behind his neck and kissed his lips again, this time more determined.

All too soon, not even having the time to think of what was really happening, they found themselves rolling naked on the mattress on his floor, consumed by the passion in their bodies.

Her head was laying on his chest, bodies covered in a thin layer of sweat, but neither one caring about it. Their bodies and souls finally sated and satisfied, they laid next to each other, his metal fingers running delicately through her hair.

“Now what?” She asked after a long time in silence, not bearing to listen the thrum of her own heart anymore.

“I don’t know.” He answered sincerely, and she agreed with him. She didn’t know either. But that was okay.

Year 2023, New York

Returning with Steve was the best decision she could make. Her humanity was still flipped off when she arrived at the compound after all those years and she didn’t really feel anything when she met her friends, Tony, Rhodey, Natasha but she hugged them as if she had missed them. She guessed, underneath all of the hard exterior of this whole non-humanity thing, she truly had missed them. She had missed being in their presence, she had missed having them in her life, she just couldn’t feel it.

She had gone back in time at the battle of New York with Steve’s team, working with a very confused Scott to retrieve the mind stone. Steve sent her back to the compound with Scott, while he and Tony had to make another jump in time after failing with the Tesseract.

“So you’re like a soulless witch?” He had asked her at some point and Y/n only laughed at his question, not answering at all. Scott was a weird character, she concluded, but he meant well. She had met him briefly during the Civil War between the Avengers, at the airport in Germany, but at that time she was too busy thinking about getting Bucky to safety, rather than focusing on Scott or anyone else.

After that second time she had gone to Bucharest, her visits became more frequent, until she would stay several weeks with him, hidden away from the rest of the world. Every time she returned to him, she felt herself falling deeper in love with the man, and she could finally begin to control her switching-on. Her humanity was connected with her love for Bucky and now instead of a black out, it only took the touch of his hand, or the sound of his voice, for her to get back in touch with her emotions, flipping her humanity on again.

Bucky was the only person to bring her back to her senses, to bring back her feelings, her emotions, her human self. After the events of the Civil War, when he could finally live a calm life in Wakanda, he had asked her to stay there with him and she had happily agreed, knowing no other place as home but a place next to him. And they had lived a calm and happy life until Thanos happened, and he took her happiness away, he took her love, her life away.

“I still don’t feel well Bucky.” She said unsure, her head resting on his shoulder. Something had been nagging her the entire day and she couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. Her emotions never deceiving her. They had been living together in Wakanda for almost two years, happy to spend the time away from everyone else, away from the fights and the aliens, away from the rushed life of the big cities. They were happy to live near the forest, with a beautiful lake so close to them they could run up to it and bathe together.

“Don’t worry baby, I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe your emotions are acting up after that last mission.” He tried to reassure her that everything was alright, that they were safe. “Come on, let’s go feed the goats.” He nuzzled her nose with his and pecked her lips before getting up and out of the hut they both shared, knowing she would follow behind him.

He was moving the hay around when T'Challa came with his guards, and a box containing his new vibranium arm. Y/n’s breath hitched when she saw it, the blood leaving her body in horror. She knew what was coming for them. They both knew.

“Where’s the fight?” Was all Bucky said and she couldn’t help but shiver at how calm he sounded.

Now, as she stood beside Steve, ready to face the army of aliens one last time, she couldn’t help but be amazed at the sight of people coming out of the magical portals of Doctor Strange. She saw King T'Challa with Shuri and Okoye come out from the first portal, with the entire Wakandan army behind them. From another portal came out Doctor Strange, The Guardians, Peter Parker. She was looking around frantically, waiting for the moment she’d see him, and when her eyes met his figure, her breath hitched.

“Steve…” She whispered to the Captain in a small voice and he only rested his hand on her shoulder, still stunned from what was happening.

The fighting was long and it seemed as if it wouldn’t end, until Tony snapped his own fingers, making Thanos and his entire army vanish. However, there was no time to be happy, because at that same time, they lost Tony. Everyone knelt in front of him, as a sign of respect for his ultimate sacrifice.

They were paying the last respects to him at the lake house when she felt herself fall. After seeing Bucky’s face again, so close to her, almost touchable, her humanity had flipped back on and she hadn’t even notice, until she fell down on the ground, crippled by the unbearable weight of emotions. Five years worth of emotions and feelings rushing in her heart and body, making it impossible for her to breathe, almost suffocating her.

Steve was the first to run in her direction, scooping her up in his arms and moving her inside the cabin. Bucky could only look at her from the distance, not knowing how to act.

It was only the next day when she woke up, still weak and tired, but at least the color had returned to her cheeks and she was able to breathe normally. As soon as she opened her eyes she was met with Steve’s soft features staring down at her.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” He asked her in a voice that was almost as soft as the way he was looking at her. She could only groan in pain, unable to answer. “It’s okay, you should take it easy.” He said after a moment.

“Where’s Bucky?” She asked a moment later, her voice strained and weak.

Steve looked behind his back and she moved her eyes to follow his line of sight too. When her eyes turned to the door of the room she was in, she could finally see him standing, almost leaning on the door frame, as if trying to make himself smaller. Her breath hitched at the sight of him and Steve turned his attention towards her again. “You need to calm down. Everything is okay now, but you need to calm down if you want to be able to meet him. You’re still weak and you shouldn’t overwhelm yourself with feelings.

He knew what he was asking her to do was impossible, for many reasons. One of them, it was Bucky who he was talking about, she couldn’t avoid feeling those emotions even if she wanted to. Another one being the fact that she had her humanity flipped off for too long, it would take her a long time to recover anyway.

"Please..” She could only breathe out, hoping Steve would understand what she wanted, and thankfully he did. Bucky walked towards her bed in short, unsure steps and moved to the other side of her, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed she was laying in. She moved to sit up, finally being able to snake her arms around his neck and hold him close to her body. Bucky moved up his own arms, wrapping them around her torso securely, breathing her in.

“O-oh God!” She choked on the words and she held him impossibly close to her, feeling her tears run freely down her cheeks, staining her skin and also the shirt he was wearing, but neither of them seemed to mind.

“It’s over.” He whispered in her ear, assuring her that he was really there. “It’s finally over baby doll. We’re okay.” He kept saying, petting her hair softly and keeping her close to his body.

She could feel her heart beat steadily in her chest, and she could feel his heart beat too, convincing her of his presence, and she could finally breathe. They could both finally breathe.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagines

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grimoire-of-seven · 5 years

Note

Because I’m an angsty bitch, could you do a head cannons from the seven with a terminally ill MC? Or at least really, really sick. Thanks! Love your writing 💕

PROMPT: “If Only We Could Have More Time…”

Rating: SFWWords: 600-700Characters: Demon Boys + MC / Gender-Neutral ReaderNotes: Hi! I tried not to make the situation all much worse by means of pressing too hard with the subject in a sense, but to end it with something both parties could cherish. I hope you will all enjoy it!~Oh! And this is written in their perspective.~

Lucifer

Shit..Shit..Shit..

F*ck..

Screwsaving face, the Avatar of Pride himself soon began sprinting through the palehallway, missing to register himself by the lobby as his eyes were fixated bythe red beaming light under the sign; emergency room.

It was imprudentto put his phone to silent at his meeting with the prince of Devildom. Heshould have known better not to… otherwise, he would have read your messagehalf an hour ago, their voice replaying in his mind as his feet quicken itspace.

“Heyumm.. Luci? I know itis a bad time to call you.. but umm.. I’ll be having my operation again in anhour according to the doctor. I hope you’ll take it easy with those meetings and take care!”

“I’msorry sir but you could not enter from this point on. I’m afraid you have towait at the waiting area.”

“But Ineed to see them! Are they already there?” The light-bringer tried to reasonwith the man in a white coat but to no avail. His fears only heightened whenthe doctor reminded him of the day’s operation and how it could grave it couldgo further..

“They do tend to get worse every cycle..”“Why?”“Because each infusion gets harder and the doctors say that Ishould expect that I’ll get weaker every moment.”“Then why place yourself in that situation..?”

Thosebitter words clung into the air as the embodiment of Pride could no longer holdhis composure as one of the nurses by the station assisted him to take a seat.With his fingers entwined together, letting his chin rest on it, his feetclearly indicate how uneased his spirit was as the sole continues to move upand down as though it were to pounce to the emergency room.

Lookingthrough his surroundings, there were also people under his shoes. Hands claspedtogether with their forehead close to it, mumbling under their breath as thoughthey are talking to…

God?

Prayingat every second spared before the judgment on the other door. And…

Should he do the same?

“Ma’amChase?”“Yes?”“Yourdaughter is doing fine now. The operation was a success thanks to Dr. Pomatter.”“Oh thankGod! Can I go see her now?”“Yes, ma’am!This way.”

Thank God?They are thanking… Father?

He hadresented any forms of communications within the Celestial Realm, only forming aprofessional relation to Simeon and Luke under Diavolo’s rule yet… why are histhoughts claiming otherwise?

No.Why should he ask for mercy?He is Lucifer.The eldest and the leader of his pack.A fallen angel to whom prowess never left, despite his glorytainted by the burning sulfur.Yet here he was, incapable to put Death far back on his drawingboard for picking his human for its next kill.Unable to take his human out of it…

Takinghis focus away from the mortals that surrounded the waiting area, thetelevision played a soap opera and with no remote to control its channels, itwas projecting a tragic scene with the woman dead on her lover’s arms.

What if their life would be cut shorter than it already is becauseof this operation?

Could he ever digest the thought that within those times they weretogether, he did not spend it wisely because…Because he let his pride in between? Because he considered hisreputation more than..

Closinghis eyes once more, taking in a series of deep breaths, he, the Avatar ofPride, has always seen the display of empathy as a visage of helplessness andit was their little exchange student that demonstrated it to him otherwise.

Nonetheless,with his human weak.. why should he too, present himself in the same conditionjust because of his worries?

It wouldnot be right.He doesnot want to see his human frown just so his face is.

Maybe there is something he could do.. He thought to himself. Ifhe could not bail his human out of the cold-lighted room, perhaps he could maketheir stay un-cold. Something that could make him see them smile again.

Lookingthrough the window as the room itself has proven itself unable to distract thedemon on his own thoughts drowning his own rationality, there was a signagebeaming with fluorescent lights that made him stand and read;

“Seven..Eleven..”“I wonderif there have any ice cream there..”

Mammon

For being the Avatar of Greed, he sure do brag about bein’ their little human’s first to ever make a pact with. He ain’t letting it pass on as just that.

Just to see his brothers sneer and hiss from mentioning it.

It’s like this bullet that could penetrate even to the thickest skull out there.

An accomplishment and for once, it was a pact he felt that wasn’t a curse. The witches should def. take down some notes from his human~

Yet…

He thought to himself…

There’s no one like his human.

Recalling how his human would ride along to every trouble he creates, every idea he makes, it was this exchange student who was only staying a year that somehow, taught him companionship. And…

He couldn’t take it out of his chest, that he, the Great Mammon, had failed them.He was their first demon to ever make a pact with yet he didn’t do much being one.Perhaps, thinking now, most of them did more than he.Showed more care. Provided more care.And all he did was to get himself out of troubles and the consequences of his actions.Correction: It’s his human that would bail him out… like a mom.

But then, was there anything he could do to being with?

“Dang.. How much am I going to pay you now?”

His human has never even once mentioned of this illness resulting to Death..Well, all diseases would lead to Death but not with this higher rate of going to Death.It‘s like a parade to Death with his human the star of the show.

“I knew I should have bought Boardwalk the moment I landed on it the first time round!”

Maybe he should be the one to blame here.Maybe he didn’t ask more. Known them better.To think even money could betray him because there’s no known cure yet for them.Just like what the doctor said.

“Rent revenue of 50 dollars plus a three houses, umm..”

“Mammon?”

…

“Mammoney?”

…

“MonMon!”

“Ya?” Clearing his headspace, the Great Demon of hell went straight to his Boardwalk card. Sure thing that the visit was expensive. He’s getting all the money from this human plus his property, that’s… for sure..

“Is there something wrong?” they asked, their eyes piercing and hoisting only the truth on the sea of lies, he had come up of saying; “For you not to be interested with mone–“

“I wish I could have known this sooner..”

“Mammon..”

“I could have not wasted your time too much with tossing you from one chaos to another.. and—“

“Mammon…” taking his hand with theirs to entwine with, their little cash-based board game folded in half as they inched closer;

“Why didn’t you ask me to make it go away?”

Did his voice just crack?

“Mammon..”

“I’m the first demon ya got to make a pact with. I got some witches and we might have been able to conjure some potion to get ya ou—“

“Because I just want to spend my time with you..

I do not want our time to be spent on looking for a cure when we could have so much more fun alone.”

Pause.

“Before meeting you, for a while, I was in your shoes too. Looking for a cure that was not there and I am glad that I snapped out of it meeting you.”

“Ummm…” the Avatar of Greed gulped down.

Did he just screw up?

“Because if it were not for you, I would not have enjoyed living. Having fun. Making troubles. I felt alive.”

For someone whose lifeline is in the near end… a demon, a particular avatar of Greed demon could only comprehend so little. Here was a human, frail and like the money he knows would soon be gone out of his pocket, talking of living life to the fullest with him..

Because of him…

“So.. are we still playin’ Monopoly or we’ll just snuggle ‘til the nurse bails you out of visitation hours?”

Leviathan

“What do you think we should play next?” Looking to his rightside, his little human was watching intently at the monitor of his laptop,completely ecstatic as he was able to defeat the final boss of the game. He wasable to manage to get through the final boss because of the UR armour pieceshis human was able to pick whenever he has to decide which crate he should openafter completing another level.

“Shall we go for.. Ruri-Chan Idol or A!3?”

“Whatever you decide on, Levi! As long as I’ll get to watch you.”

His eyes tried not to leave theirs but with his eyes inevitablytracing the cord from the IV down to their hands, injected for how long theycould have been admitted, playing video games became much more of a distractionfor him than it was for his human.

“Levi?”

“Y-y-yes?”

Making his eyes return to the person staring back at them, hecould definitely see a glistening spark as their lips curled, reaching theirears.

“Are you afraid of needles?”

Needles?Afraid of needles?Why would he be afraid of needles?

“Me? Afraid of needles? ROFL LMAO. The only thing I’m afraid of isnot having enough diamonds to purchase another UR Ruri-chan for the next event.”

It wasnot the needle that he was afraid of..But rather, on how swollen their hands are.It must have taken a lot from them..

“Then why are you looking at it like it’s some boss level at oneof your video games?”

Just as there were no room left to insert an excuse from hisinventory, he shifted his attention back to his folder of video-games that hewas able to install for offline playing purposes when he heard them laugh oncemore.

“Look at my hand, Levi! It looks like a balloon. I can’t move it..”

“Let me get the nurse then.”

“Why aren’t you saying ‘lol’ or ‘lmao’?”

Leviathan dead-panned looked at his human for quite some time, hiseyes fixated on theirs going to their hand and back again;

“You want me to lol when your hand looks like it weighs a ton?! Ifthis were an otome game, your intimacy with me would go down!”

“I am just kidding.. hahaha”

That laugh. That silly laugh that even a shut-in could not helpbut be flustered every time his ears are graced with it.

“I already rung the nurse station. Someone would come assist meanytime soo-“

“Good day, how could I be of assistance, sir?”

A woman dressed in all white looked at him before it was able todetect the cause of her call.

Her hands soon untangled the weave by his patient’s left hand, askingto keep their hand still as a ball of cotton soon veiled how the needle wasejected from…

And that was when he turned away from the scene and gave the nursesome space as he went through once more to his file of games..

Whichgame would best distract me?

He could always trust his video games.Video games has always shut him out of facing the outside world.Had always been his comfort blanket.But with him always in this comfort blanket, could he be truly there to supporthis human?

“You could look now, Levi!”

Why arethey smiling? What is there to smile? One hand told to be careful and anotherstuck on a board so it would not bend and have the needl—Maybe he is, sort of, afraid of the needle…Because of how it could be dangerous to them!

“How could you be so chill in all of this?”

“Because, I’m used to it?”

“But you see me with every boss level. Yes, I am used to gameshaving boss level but it is still different..”

“Well.. it was quite painful..”

Then whyare you so chill about it?Is this perhaps.. jealousy with how their human could handle things that ademon couldn’t?Him shutting in and them.. facing it?

“But today, I feel fine today.~”

“How come?” the Avatar of Envy looked once more to their hands,knowing how their left hand would soon be swollen too after a couple of IVs anddays..

“Because I have you.~”

Thishuman..

Sensing his cheeks go crimson red in heat, he tried concealing hisface with one hand, hearing once more that silly laugh, making him moreflustered. “Warn me next time when you’ll go cheesy, human.”

“How about this.. I’ll play a game and you will watch whileresting on my shoulders.”

“What will you be playing?”

“Do you have that game where the owner of a fast-food restaurantof chickens in a dating simulator?”

Satan

“Sorry, I’m late.”

Watching his human finish the last spoonful of their supper andpausing a video from their phone, it was prominent to his tone how angry he wasto himself. Mixed with frustration as his efforts of spending more time at thelibrary, looking at every bookcase for a book with a solution to theircondition, wasted as he found none.

Of all the spells and ancient writings, Devildom is provided with,none could enlighten the Avatar of Wrath on how he could just make theirillness non-existent which only added fuel to the fire considering how there isa book that could swap two entities to the other’s bodies but none about makinga mortal’s terminal illness gone.

“What were you listening to?”

Trying to put the subject or reason of his tardiness to rest bymeans of bringing up another conversation, right now, what the devil wants, isto turn his brain from overthinking off, and more on thinking about them.

“Oh! I was listening to a podcast with a holographic fanatic.”They beamed as though they had spent their time fruitful compared to his. “Youlook a bit tired..”

“A bit tired?”

Are hiseyebags prominent once more? He most definitely would not like to put his humanin worries or to even look tired.That he took from Lucifer.

“But still pretty charming.~”

“Now that is cheesy.”

Putting the food tray and the food container that looks similar tothose at the cafeteria away and near to the door, he saw his human shiftingmore towards their left, a clear invitation for him to be nearer, resulting toSatan putting his coat by the sofa readily available for a visitor.

“What was the podcast about?” He asked as he kept on shifting toattain that perfect and comfortable position to lie down next to them. The bedwas not relatively bad, much to his surprise.

“Just mundane stories that I just missed while being in here.”

If only asickness could tremble and run with his wrath, he would have done it in a snap.Why does sickness have to constrict someone from living?Especially them?

“I’d rather hear about you.~”

Surprised, his features were much more of confusion, somethingthat made his little human laugh and smile as though they were not in such confinedsituations.

“About me?”

“Mhmm!”

There itis again. Those kitty-like eyes.Those eyes that would make him fall for them once more.And make his cheeks flustered and in heat.

“What about me?”

“Anything. Childhood, fondest memories, life as a student..anything! I just want to hear more about you.”

“There is nothing to tell.”

“Eh?”

“Well, there is nothing interesting about me, darling.”

“Don’t say that!”

Hethought he was the Avatar of Wrath..But with his human angry at his reply..He could be dethroned with that title and just be the VP of being the Avatar ofGreed.

“You are interesting!”

“Darli—“

“You truly are! You are interesting to me.”

Interestingto me.

Sensing his ears getting hotter and hotter, he looked up by thepale ceiling, the fan spinning round and round when he felt an arm wrap aroundhis abdomen, warmth coursing through; “Pleeeeaase?”

“All right, all right. Maybe I could tell you how Asmodeus taughtme how to lie to save a kitty.”

“Yay!”

Asmodeus

“Asmo?”

Sensing his fingersentwined further to theirs, the Avatar of Lust fluttered his eyes open, seeingtheirs holding a reflection of himself making his body jerked itself to functionand boost up at once.

“You’re awake!”

How long was he asleep?

“Good morning, beautiful.~”

Beauty?Now now, little human..Let the Avatar of Lust handle the flirting.Although hearing their compliment was definitely more boosting than any reserved slot or timefor spas and saunas.

“How are you feeling,dear?”

Looking through his phone,it was already 4am by his lockscreen, garnering how the Beauty himself wouldalready have underbags on his eyes. But that is something a cold slice ofcucumber and sleep would cure. Unlike theirs, where the operation was rather concerning in regards of how their body would take it. How the body will heal and take in the changes..

“How long have you beenhere, Asmo?”

This human..When will they ever learn to answer before asking?

“Just an hour ago. Then Ifell asleep instantly.~”

Lies.He had been there for hours and perhaps a day?It had been so long since he moved from his seat from their operation and truthbe told..His buns.. his “ass”ets are kinda flat by now.Nevertheless..He would not miss being the first demon his human would see when they wake up.Never.

And to think he was out-waken by his human.

“Was there a nurse thatcame to visit me?”

“There was one that replacedyour IV and checked pressure while ago.”

Both eyes were soon by theIV with its fluid contents were nearly empty, something his lies however, couldnot cover.

“Wow.. Only a while ago withmy IV already up to be replaced? Asmodeus..”

Oops?

“Fine..I have been here formore than a while..”

Pouting their lips with theireyes gazing afar from his to the round décor by the wall, it was evident how hehad spent overnight beside them without any flinch or reconsidering even tomove from his seat before he could see his reflection once more on their eyes.

“You have dark circlesunder your eyes already.. Do you want to switch places? I will take a seat andyou will lie down on my bed?”

“You are not yet advised toeven sit up, darling.” The demon argued. “Dark circles could be remediedeasily.”

This human just woke up and their first concern is him?Or more specifically, his looks..Truth be told, the same could be said with him but They now come in second.His main priority is them.

“But..”

“No buts now, dear.”

Smiling seeing theirfeatures an upside down reaction to his, he nudged his seat closer to them, hesoon let his pressed his lips against their forehead before stroking a fewstrands of their hair that were, unfortunately, bit too sleek to his liking;

“Darling?”

“Hmm?”

“Want me to help you.. wash?”

“Asmo!”

Blushing at his suggestion,it was more of a concern rather than his usual evocative invitationsconsidering how several cords would hinder the progress, not to mention how thenurse would dutifully remind him of how their hand where it is injected to,should remain unmoved otherwise, blood will come out and ascend to the tube;

“I am quite serious.”

“Eh?!”

“I could wash my darlingbefore breakfast. What do you say?”

“Asmo…”

Finding this all amusing,it was quite difficult to put the talk into a more serious tone but with thenurse coming in an hour or two for their breakfast, it seems the Avatar of Lusthas to surrender it all;

“I could get a towel and abowl so you could work clean yourself while I will be in charge of cleaning anddrying it What were you thinking, silly?.”

“Oh..”

“It looks like someone ishaving a different idea. We could always do that.~”

“Asmo!”

Oh it is good to have them back.

Beelzebub

“Is this what they have inthe cafeteria?”

It was then, that even theAvatar of Gluttony found food unappetizing. They were looking rather bland andfrom the faces of the people eating, they seem to care more about filling inthe void there is at their guts rather than actually enjoying the food.

He would most certainly beable to tolerate it, especially when he sensed his tummy rumble when his palmrested on it but, for his human to also have the same experience?

It was a big no-no.

With an hour and a halfbefore the nurse or staff would give their meal for the noon, the Avatar ofGluttony followed his second brain to scout and find stores that sells betterfood.

Tastier food.

Just the thought of it hadhis stomach grumble as his nose then sniffed out, making several stops near thehospital’s vicinity, surprised with what mortals could do with simple and fewingredients that the demon presumes to be readily available.

Perhaps he should come around and know their delicacies more?He had always heard stories from them about some food that are spoken not tohis language despite being Gluttony himself.

With goodies in a largebag, truth be told, he was not accustomed to what his person would call “terminalillness”. It was a shock and the thought of it became overwhelming. His pacewere gradually slower as his mind could not erase their confession of theirailment, how they warned him, but did he listen?

He did.But he did not want to let it hinder them.And he will never let it be.

…

“That’s all for you?!”

At this point..

His eyes were fixated ontheirs, breaking its trance with the sound of the door shutting, making hiseyes travel lower down to their figure. They have been getting thinner thanthey were when they were introduced, having his rear colored with dark blues.

Perhaps, it reminded himtoo much of famine.. Seeing it onto the privileged’s eyes as they take what is supposed to be shared to others.

Taking the moment to settlewhat he had brought over by a small bedtable, his lips subconsciously drew asmile, refraining himself from making a comment or two about it.

“Why is that what you wouldalways say..”

With a giggle or two, therewas already a feast laid out on the table, making no room for the food providedby the facility, something he would just have to eat all to himself to trickthe staff, his eyes reflecting how swell they looked from sensing the newvarieties offered on their plate.

“Didn’t I mention we would have lunch together?”

“Yup. And I always get myusual hospital food.. But not anymore!~”

“Now hold on before diggingin..”

Munching the food away toreplenish the sense of famine within him, diverse yet complimenting flavors overwhelminghis tongue, it was obvious the Avatar of Gluttony could not help either to moanto compliment the divine food he just purchased or continue munching as thoughthey were alive and would run away.

“Umm.. Beel?”

“..Yes?”

Hearing them laugh ascrumbs went onto his shirt like a waterfall, his eyes fell too onto theirplate.

They have not even touched their plate..

“Could you help me slice upthis chicken?”

Is this why they are so thin?Because the food is rather inaccessible for a one-hand person?

“Of course.”

It took quite a while forBeelzebub to settle his fourth hamburger and mince to their favored sizes.

If that is the problem..Maybe he could offer them a solution instead.Him.

“Now say ahh..~”

“Beel!”

“Hmm?”

“I could do it on my own..”

“Not when I am holding yourfork, you couldn’t.~”

Belphegor

Violently shaking what heheld dearest onto his arms, not even a flinch or any movement came about totheir chest, making himself tremble, holding them closer to him.

It couldn’t be true.This is just a dream..He needs to wake up.

Belphegor could take on anyhardships there is, burden there is, but not facing the inevitable yet.. He wasnot ready yet.

And probably never will.

To an Avatar of Sloth,wasting time had been his forte, and to spend it efficiently.. is this what hisdream is communicating him with?

“Nnnn…”

“No.. no..no…”

“Nooo…”

Sensing his consciousnessseeping through, his body felt like being electrocuted by the door creaking anda stranger’s voice entering.

How long has he been passed out?

Usually, he could care lessabout such trivial matters but feeling like sleeping schedules and body clocksbut with someone’s life given with a countdown…

…

“Good evening. Is he your guardian?”

Turning his head to facethe voice, his vision soon could interpret the man as the hospital’s securitywith his record book at hand and a pen, his eyes for a moment, on Belphegor’sstate.

“Yes he is.”

There they are, sitting onthe sole chair provided for the guest with the metal rod or pole accompanying them,assisting the flow of the IV through their veins.

“Will he be stayingovernight?”

“He will be.”

“On it. Seems like he’s thepatient rather than you are. Ta-ta!”

“That’s not true…” Hemuttered, dark hues reappearing on his rear just as they were visible in hisdreams.

“Are you okay, Belphie? Youwere sleeptalking again..”

“I was?”

Shit.

“Just a random dream, Isuppose.”

By the looks of theirfeatures, it did not take too long for Belphegor to know how his response wasunpleasant.

So much for someone who just woke up..

“I just had a nightmare.The curse of sleeping too much.”

He dare not bring up hisown troubles. That would be insensitive nor does he wish to press an issueregarding their limited lifeline.. Truth be told, humans are mortal beings butwith an illness pressing them down towards the inevitable further…

“Would you like to tell meabout it?”

Tell them about it?

“It is just nothing..”

“You’re not really a goodliar, Belphie. How about we get to talk to it with a cup of coffee?”

Though the mattress wasrelatively comfortable and the pillows plump with the scent of theirs, like acertain paradise created for him, his body voluntarily get up and made them coffee.

“Don’t you think my habitsis just wasting your time?”

Crap.. What was he thinking?This is why he should have coffee first before even saying anything..Caffeine before making a mess out of himself.

“What do you mean?”

Too late. He dug himself deeper into this.

“Well..” his back facingthem as the kettle was settled down to two mugs, the powdered mix adding hue tothe pouring hot water; “I am the Avatar of Sloth and I tend to take naps moreoften.. sleep, you know… waste ti—“

“No.”

“No?”

“Because any time with youaround is time spent worthwhile.~”

Bewildered with howcheerful a mortal could be despite their lifeline drawing thinner by everyshift there is on the hands of their own clock?

“I do not understand..”

Parting his lips to gentlysway the heat away from the cup, their hands touch as they reached out for thecup, something with their heat warmer than a hot cup of coffee could provide…and it is rushing towards his cheeks;

“Because I get to hear yousnore.~”

Excuse me??Snore..Have his human mistaken him for Beelzebub?

“I do not snore!”

“You do! And yousleeptalk.~”

“That’s another thing!”

Giggles turning tolaughter, made it all the more embarrassing should he, indeed, does snore. Hishuman was someone who could not lie convincingly, at least for someone who istrained efficiently to sniff the BS out of his brothers;

“I do not snore..”

“Yes you do!” And theyproceeded to imitate it.. or make it looklike he does..?

“Okay, that’s enough..otherwise, I would make sure you get to sleep first before I do.”

“Noooooooo” and theyproceeded to sip their cold coffee, preparing themselves for the battle on ‘who gets to stay awake longer to witness the other fall asleep’.

_________________________________________________Updated masterlist here.

#obey me game #obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me headcanons #anon ask #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor #mod shin-seul

219 notes · View notes

thehoodsweetheart · 5 years

Text

Sandcastles | Part IV.

A/N: I want to start by apologizing for taking so long to create Part 4 to Sandcastles. I had writer’s block for a while and then life got in the way. I hope you all enjoy this. I will be continuing this series. No real music inspo for this part. The picture above is just adorable but not a depiction of Y/N and Iman. Please excuse any spelling and/or grammatical errors. It might be a bit rough. I was just trying to get this out.

Word Count: 3,112

Warnings: Slight Angst (?), Mentions Violence, Hints of emotional abuse, Mentions Miscarriage, Hints at abortion, possible triggers

Summary: Y’all not getting one this time.

Erik x Black Reader (will always be a Black reader. Sorry not Sorry).

——————————————————————————–

Erik remained seated on the leather couch of his living room holding his phone to his ear yet still silent. His mouth opened but he soon shut it, as he was unable to form words. The sensation of his chest tightening followed by the familiar lump in his throat nagged at him. Erik leaned forward his elbows planted on top of his knees. His shoulders tensed. The feeling of regret washed over him for the umpteenth time. He had felt this too many times for his liking. The one person who for years brought him peace was bringing the storm. If he had to choose he’d say it was a hurricane followed by tsunami. The type of damage that it could cause would have anyone questioning if God was mad at the world. But Erik was the source, and he was internalizing just how much pain he was still causing you.

The tone of your voice was enough to make him feel like scum. This was the second time that afternoon you had called him in a panic. The first was after his text threatening to kill the movers. Of course he listened to you and didn’t kill them… but he was already seeing red. It was too late for him to not do anything, at all. In Erik’s mind, at very least they deserved their ass beat for banging on the door like the police after he told them to get off of his property. Erik did just that. He beat their ass. The movers definitely needed to be in someone’s emergency room getting checked out for cracked ribs, a broken nose, maybe even a broken jaw. In Eric’s mind, this was light damage in comparison to what he wanted to do. They put themselves in the way of being the target of his frustration. Nonetheless, his logic could do no justice nor could it sooth your worries.

You continued to yell at him through sobs, full blown hiccupping sobs. Erik hated the fact that for the countless time in less than two weeks, he was the reason you were crying. Some things you said he could barely understand due to your crying, but he sat there taking it all in, staring at his bruising knuckles as he assessed the damage made. What he could make out was that you were sick of his shit.

“Y/N, come on. I’m sorry alright? I know I fucked up…again, but please try to calm down princess. It’s too much stress on the baby.” Erik finally took a jab at some type of reasoning with you.

He knew the potential consequences of high stress during pregnancy. In fact, you and Erik were not strangers to the disappointment and heartache that miscarriage could bring. You two had suffered a miscarriage before conceiving Iman. Although, neither of you knew that you were pregnant until Erik rushed you to the hospital for what he thought was a possible rupture appendix, only to receive the heartbreaking news that you lost your first child.

The first pregnancy was not exactly planned. Erik had been teasing you since you guys’ third date that he was going to get you pregnant one day. At that point you hadn’t even been intimate with him yet. He was nowhere near being ready to be a parent at that time. Erik was genuinely amused at how you would roll your eyes and scoff every time he mentioned it. It was just something he teased about more than anything. He loved to get a reaction out you. Nonetheless when he did imagine himself having children, he knew you were the only woman he’d envisioned. So when the time actually came and you miscarried, it triggered his fear of loss. Erik in term became even more overprotective of you, if that was even possible.

“STRESS?! STRESS ON THE BABY?! NIGGA YOU ARE THE STRESS ON THE BABY!” You cried out. Erik pinched the bridge of his nose taking a deep breath. He could hear Iman crying in the background.

“Just…come home love. Let me take care of you and Iman. Let me try to fix us for real. All this yelling and shit probably has Iman scared.”

“EXACTLY ERIK! She is! This is just too much for me. ” Y/N sniffled. “Why would I ever come back? You make me physically sick to my stomach. You can’t even control yourself. What if they press charges? What if they sue me for putting them in that situation?”

It was the truth. You were always right. He sighed in defeat. He knew he blew it once again.

“They not fuckin stupid. Them niggas was trynna take my family from me.” Erik mumbled. “I can have T’ch-“

“Don’t you dare” You cut him off. “T’challa? Really Erik?! T’Challa can’t solve your problems or be your voice of reason for you… and YOU lost your family on your own. Nobody took us from you but you.” Y/n ended the call immediately after, overwhelmed with the entire situation.

Erik was left with is thoughts and your last statement replaying in his mind like a broken record. He was the cause of this entire situation and that was a tough pill to swallow. He was still at square one without the slightest clue on how to fix you all’s relationship. Maybe he did need to get himself together before he tried to pursue the mending of his family?

Erik smacked his lips before picking up his phone once more. He scrolled through his contacts begrudgingly tapped a name he hadn’t dialed in almost a year. It was time he visited his therapist. He listened to the ringing before a chipper voice answered. It was his therapist’s secretary that annoyed him with her overly cheerful persona.

“Dr. Lang’s office, Amber speaking. How may I help you?”

“It’s Erik Stevens. Can you get Dr. Lang on the phone…immediately.”

“Sorry Mr. Stevens, but Dr. La—“ Amber hesitated.

“I’m not gone ask again.” Erik barked.

Amber tried to cover gasp of astonishment with clearing her throat and politely telling Erik to hold. Amber knew exactly who Erik was, and against her better judgment she’d eavesdropped on his past sessions. It took less than 3 minutes for Dr. Lang to pick up the line.

“Mr. Udaku-Stevens, it’s been a while. How are you?”

“My wife left me.” It pained Erik to utter those words aloud.

“Ah! Well, how about you come in tomorrow 9 AM? If your schedule permits…”

“I’ll be there.” Erik kept it short hanging up the phone.

------------------

You threw your phone down on the bed staring blankly into space. The sensation of saliva thickening in your mouth brought your attention to the nausea you had been trying to ignore. You used your sleeve to hastily wipe away the tears left on your face. You didn’t owe him a goodbye. You could barely comprehend why you were talking to him in the first place. Why do you always feel the obligation to reason with Erik? And to an extent, why did you still bare the burden of trying to protect him from himself? Erik could be his own worst enemy with his self-sabotaging fits of rage.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a shriek that came from Iman as her cries intensified. Iman was having a full on fit. Her round golden face was now tinted in a red hue, hot tears spewed down her face, and her dimples piercing her cheeks as she flailed her chubby fist. Iman was teething and it was giving her the blues. You picked her up cuddling her close to your chest, rubbing small circles in her back, attempting to sooth her. A teething baby was a force to be reckoned with. You’d given her some medication in hopes of breaking her fever but just by touch you could tell that it had barely worked. Iman pushed at your chest and if you could guess you would only assume she didn’t want you to hold her.

A light knock came to the bedroom door, before it cracked open far enough for your twin brother, JR, to peak in. With an exhausted yet concerned look on his face, he scratched his full beard looking at you and Iman. He had returned from football practice less than an hour ago and his usual routine would have been to take a shower then nap. It was apparent that that was interrupted. His expression softened as you made eye contact.

“What you in here doin’ to my niece?” he joked trying to lighten the mood. JR staggered further into the room. “What’s wrong wit my lil baybeh?” He cooed as he took Iman from your arms.

“She’s teething and sleepy so she’s fussy.” Y/N mumbled letting out a heavy sigh.

JR cradled her in his muscular arms as Iman clung to him beginning to calm down. He was practically the same build as Erik. The idea of her possibly missing her father crossed your mind, and by no means were you intending to keep her from Erik, but taking her back to him was out of the question. You weren’t sure if he was in the right mental space and seeing his face only made you angry.

You stood up from the bed briskly walked over to the adjoining bathroom shutting the door. You couldn’t resist the urge to vomit any longer. It was starting to make you feel physically weak. What more could you possibly throw up when you haven’t even brought yourself to so much even eat a grape in six hours? Your body was giving up all it had to give, and at this point it was only bile. You clung to the porcelain toilet wondering if this was all a test of faith. Why was everything falling apart? Why was this pregnancy so hard? Better yet, why was life so hard right now? How come you couldn’t be home with a supportive and faithful husband like believed he was at some point?

“She ain’t the only fussy one wit all that yelling you was doing at her Daddy.” JR mumbled as you walked back into the room collapsing on the bed.

“You heard all that? Sorry.” You knew you probably didn’t even need to apologize, but who really wants to come home to a bunch of drama that has nothing to do with them. JR waved you off with a nonchalant look.

“Don’t worry about. Take it easy though. You look…dehydrated.”

“Are you calling me thirsty?” You retorted with cut eyes.

“No nigga! You literally look dehydrated like you need Gatorade or coconut water. It’s some in the fridge.” JR shook his head as he readjusted Iman in his arms laying her head on his shoulder. Iman’s wails had settled to a soft whine by now.

“Thanks but I doubt that I could stomach either of those.”

“Is that normal? Being pregnant and all? That shit seem like a bad hangover and virus combined.”

“I don’t really know. I didn’t go through this with Iman. I had some cramping and nausea but this is just…ugh... Wassup? You getting ready to have a baby I don’t know about?”

“Hell nah. My niece and future nephews are enough. I got a good five to ten years before I let somebody trap me.” He shrugs.

“Excuse me? You don’t know if I’m having a boy or not. And you said nephews with an S. You trynna make me sicker something?”

“I’m just concerned with your health. It got my twin senses doing weird shit. Maybe you should try to see your doctor before your appointment? I’m trynna tell you, you’re super sick cuz you having triplets. What you gone do with four kids under 2?” JR commented earning an eye roll. Here he goes with the twin sense stuff. Sure it’s a real thing but JR could be a bit dramatic.

“I’m NOT having triplets. Are you crazy?” JR smacks his teeth.

“I’m not crazy but me and niecey gone take a nap on the couch. If you still lookin’ like you getting ya ass whooped from the inside out in a hour, then I’m taking you to the hospital.”

4 hours later

After enduring an hour wait in the emergency room waiting room, you had been pricked and probed too much for your liking. The past few hours consisted of countless tests and tubes of blood being drawn. You were already reluctant about going to the hospital in the first place. You would have rather gone to your regular OBGYN, but your brother insisted on taking you to the ER tonight. There was no doubting that you needed to see a doctor. How you were feeling was not the least bit normal and it was only getting worse.

It seemed like the nurses were more interested in your brother than what you were going through. Being that he is in the NFL, the attention was something he’d grown accustomed to. You on the other hand didn’t care. You almost snapped on one nurse who was so insistent on smiling in JR’s face, that she incorrectly inserted the IV in your arm four times. If you weren’t toting a sleeping Iman in your other arm, you probably would’ve caused a scene. At that point, JR excused himself from the room taking Iman with him. He stated that he wanted to give you privacy and limit the distractions.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum was what the on duty physician diagnosed you with. Hyperemesis Gravidarum is a rare condition that causes sever uncontrollable nausea, vomiting, and dehydration. You stared down at your slightly protruding belly as the doctor continued to explain what the condition was. Your vision blurred as your eyes burned and your ears began to feel hot. You tried to process what the doctor was telling you but the sound of your heartbeat and breathing seemed to be battling over his voice. From what you could gather is that he was deeply concerned that you developed the condition with this pregnancy especially since it wasn’t your first. If it concerned him, it surely scared the hell out of you.

“I’d like to do an ultrasound now to make sure everything it alright with the baby. We gotta take care of mommy and baby.” He said while holding out a Kleenex box and using his free hand to pat your knee. He called over a technician who wheeled over the ultrasound machine.

“What if it’s not?” Your voice became small, almost child like. Fear was starting to get the best of you. You went through a miscarriage before and didn’t want to face another one.

“We’re going to stay hopeful, Y/N. Something tells me I know a possible answer for this condition. The circumstances can vary…” He said as he turned on the ultrasound machine before pouring the cool gel on your lower abdomen. The doctor placed the device against your abdomen causing you to slightly jump due to its warm surface catching you off guard.

The crackling of static when the device touched your stomach was followed by the blaring rapid heartbeats offsetting each other. The doctor turned the monitor to give you a better view of the screen. Moving the device around, the doctor zoomed into a particular area. He studied the monitor and his once stoic facial expression cracked with a glint of satisfaction. Your line of sight moved from the provider’s face to the monitor before the two of you. You froze, blinking a few times to be sure you were seeing correctly. Your breathing became shallow as you opened your mouth to speak then immediately closing it. Is this really happening? You sat there wide-eyed trying to take in this moment.

“Is that—are those—“ You attempted to ask before the doctor cut you off nodding.

“Congratulations Mommy! Looks like you’re having twins with very strong heartbeats might I add.” He announced with a smile. “Which is what I thought was triggering your condition. Would you like us to bring in the proud papa and big sister from the waiting room?”

You lowered your head shaking it as uncontrollable tears began to pour down your face. You couldn’t quite understand your own emotions. Are you happy? Are you upset? You should be happy… right?

“H-He’s not the dad. He’s my twin brother.” You stuttered.

“How exciting! A twin having twins!” A young nurse perked up with a smile in attempts to lighten the mood. You offered her a soft smile as you wiped your eyes. There was still an obvious presence of your lack of enthusiasm.

“Are you okay Y/N?” The doctor inquired with a concerned expression, for which you simply nodded. “There are options you can discuss with your assigned OBGYN. You’re still in your first trimester, which is a trying time for a multiples pregnancy. We have a few pamphlets here that might help, but don’t hesitate to inquire about any of your concerns.”

“I understand. I’ll discuss it with her.” You said just above a whisper.

“Great, now let’s get these fluids hooked back up to your IV. I’m writing you a prescription to hopefully help with the nausea and excessive vomiting. I think you should stay overnight for observation. We really need to get a handle on your dehydration.” He stated while typing into the computer.

Great, now you had to stay in the hospital. Who could watch Iman until your discharged? It was pretty late in the evening and JR is having an early start the next day. Your mom wasn’t exactly your greatest support system. Your grandma adored Iman but you know that Iman can be a bit of a busy body for her. You could call Nakia but there was a chance that T’Challa would tell Erik you were in the hospital. That was the last thing you wanted. They were still the best candidates. You could hardly find a baby sitter for one child, what were you going to do with three? How were you going to handle being single mother with three kids? Life comes at you fast.

You closed your eyes for a moment laying your head back against the observation bed. You were starting to feel nauseous again. You opened them looking at the empty chair next to where the doctor placed pictures from the ultrasound with markings for baby a, and baby b. Underneath the ultrasound were the pamphlets for the options he hinted at earlier. Your hands began to sweat as you reached for them. You stared blankly at the one on top.

“It’s my body right…”

*************

Tag list

@purple-apricots @chaneajoyyy @toniilaney @wakanda-inspired @almeda-344 @desireatatyana

@wakandalivesforever @yoyolovesbucky @beaut1fulone-blog @sarcastic-sunshines

@elaindeereads @soufcakmistress @bujotellsyourstory @scott-mccall-could-lift-mjolnir

@theblulife @leilaxaliel @uzumaki-rebellion @cutewylie @yourwonderbelle @letsshamelessqueen-m

#sandcastles #sandcastles series #sandcastles part 4 #Erik Killmonger #erik killmonger imagine #erik x reader #erik killmonger x oc #erik stevens #black panther imagine #Erik Killmonger x black!reader #killmonger imagine #killmonger fanfiction #black panther #black panther rec #michael b jordan fanfic

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dmcdrabbles · 5 years

Photo

I didn’t intend for it to get like 1.3k words but I hope you folks will forgive me for this slightly longer than normal spiciness u3u

And tumblr has now become allergic to doing readmores on asks so I guess this is how I’m uploading these from now on

Me (2:30 a.m.): Hey Dante Me (2:30 a.m.): Are you awake?

You squeeze your eyes shut and hesitate a moment. It was really late at night, maybe you shouldn’t– but then it had already been a week since the last time you and Dante were able to speak, right? He had to be hoping for a message too, right?

You click send before you can talk yourself out of it, pressing your phone to your chest. The second it touches your skin it buzzes with a notification. You jolt with it, fumbling to unlock it and open your messages.

Dante (2:30 a.m.): Tfdddfff

You roll your eyes and snort, affection blooming in your chest.

Me (2:31 a.m.): Uh, I’m guessing that’s a “kinda”

A moment passes, then another. You were half expecting another response, but Dante’s probably falling back asleep. Best get to business. You click into your photo gallery, browse through the pictures you took earlier. If you didn’t have at least one thing prepared, you knew you’d lose your nerve- you hadn’t exactly done this before…

You select your favorite picture of the set. The shot starts just at your half cheeky, half shy smile- a smile that says it knows the way Dante’s eyes will trail slowly down to your breasts, cupped and pushed up to full advantage by the delicate red lace of your new lingerie set. You squeeze your eyes shut again and desperately try to send it like that, fumbling to press the arrow without having to look. You only know you’ve sent it when your phone buzzes with the reply.

Me (2:40 a.m.): <Image Sent>

Dante (2:40 a.m.): oh damn

Me (2:40 a.m.): That got you up fast!

Dante (2:41 a.m.): you have no idea Dante (2:41 a.m.): you look damn good in that Dante (2:41 a.m.): is it new?

Me (2:42 a.m.): I bought it like a week ago, it was supposed to be a surprise for when you came back home :/

Dante (2:42 a.m.): sorry babe Dante (2:42 a.m.): didnt mean for this mission to go on so long

Me (2:42 a.m.): I miss you

Dante (2:43 a.m.): i miss you too babe Dante (2:43 a.m.): you feeling a little frustrated? Dante (2:43 a.m.): i can help you out if you want

Despite yourself, you feel your cheeks burn up. You initiated this and yet he still finds a way to make you blush about it.

Me (2:44 a.m.): Wow, how brave

Dante (2:45 a.m.): answering your booty calls is serious work but someone has to do it Dante (2:46 a.m.): speaking of which Dante (2:46 a.m.): is that top part of a matching set?

You snort and shimmy up the bed, leaning on your side against the headboard. You open your camera and snap another picture- a shot down the length of your legs and a generous peek at the curve of your ass.

Me (2:50 a.m.): <Image Sent>

Me (2:57 a.m.): Dante? You still there?

Dante (3:00 a.m.): damn, just damn Dante (3:01 a.m.): have i ever mentioned how much i love you in thigh highs?

Me (3:02 a.m.): Once or twice maybe~ Me (3:02 a.m.): You always shred them whenever I try to wear them in bed

Dante (3:03 a.m.): what can I say, babe Dante (3:03 a.m.): you just have this effect on me Dante (3:04 a.m.): <Image Received>

You stop typing your response, eyebrows flicking up in surprise as you sink down into the bed. You click on the icon to download the picture. After a torturous couple of seconds, it pops up.

Oh. You’d recognize that body anywhere. It’s a selfie kind of shot, framing Dante from chest to thighs. His shirt is pulled up at the middle- he’s holding it up by his teeth, letting you get an eyeful of his muscled torso, flexed taut. Show-off. Your eyes travel down his treasure trail to where he’s squeezing his length through his pants. He’s so hard already that you can see the full outline of it.

“Oh shit,” You whisper, digging your nails into your leg thoughtlessly.

Dante (3:08 a.m.): haha Dante (3:08 a.m.): earth to Y/N Dante (3:09 a.m.): gonna leave me hanging now that ive shown you the goods?

Me (3:10 a.m.): Goods? You’re being stingy.

You roll onto your back and slide your hand into your panties, fingers immediately diving to rub your clit. You gasp, knees twitching- damn, you’re already sensitive. You line up your camera, take a shot at the way your hand disappears under your waistband.

Me (3:12 a.m.): I thought you said you would help me out?

Dante (3:13 a.m.): sgow yoy mine if you show mr yourx

Me (3:13 a.m.): Lol you okay there?

Dante (3:14 a.m.): typing with one hand is hadr

You giggle, slide your panties down a couple of inches and take another picture.

Me (3:15 a.m.): <Image Sent> Me (3:15 a.m.): Show me yours?

Dante (3:16 a.m.): god damn Dante (3:16 a.m.): just you wait until i get home Dante (3:17 a.m.): <Image Received>

You click the image and as it downloads, notifications of Dante’s messages keep popping up.

Dante (3:17 a.m.): sit on my face and im gonna have a feast Dante (3:17 a.m.): bedroom, office, wherever

Dante’s picture opens and your face burns. Show you his indeed. It’s a shot from his point of view. His shirt is still rolled up but now his pants are open and he’s got his hand wrapped around his cock, on full display and shameless. You rub your palm against yourself and buck into it, moan bubbling up your chest. You slip your fingers in, working yourself slowly.

Me (3:18 a.m.): dante, more

Dante (3:19 a.m.): then im really gonna make up for lost time Dante (3:20 a.m.): you just tell me how you want it Dante (3:20 a.m.): and we see how many times i can make you come in one night

You bury your face in your pillow, squirming down against your hand. God, why didn’t you think about texting him like this before? Would’ve helped with plenty of lonely nights.

You try to type out a response but your hand trembles and you drop your phone, and to hell with it- you press the CALL button. He picks up on the first ring, and you tuck the phone against your shoulder as you try to rub your clit in time with your thrusts.

“B-” He starts, before you rudely cut him off with a moan. Then he’s laughing a little into his side of the phone, voice husky. “That doing it for you, babe?”

“K-keep talking!” You squeak, legs twitching with how close you are.

“Wish I could be there to see you come,” He pants into the reciever, “You always get so desperate, clawing me up like crazy and fucking yourself on my cock. It’s amazing.”

“Dante..!”

“I’ve been thinking about it every night since I got h-here…” He growls a little and you can tell he’s on the brink too. His voice drops down a lower tone. “C'mon, let me hear you come.”

You tumble over with a gasp and the phone slides off your shoulder onto the bed as you curl up, moaning Dante’s name over and over as you squeeze around your fingers.

It feels like it takes hours before you’re steady enough to grab your phone.

“Dante…?” You pant.

“Hey babe,” He chuckles, sounding just as winded as you. “Glad to hear you’re back.”

“S-sorry, I uh. Dropped the phone.”

“Did you? You were so loud I didn’t notice.”

“Dante!” You squeak, face heating up again. You can just hear the smirk in his voice.

“I’ll be back in a few days, call you before I’m heading out.” He hums a little. “Maybe you can give me a replay in person.”

#dd extra spicy #dante x reader #anon #request #also I never know when I should be uploading spicy shit?#should i leave it until way later at night?

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jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets · 6 years

Text

Lost in Translation

Title: Lost in Translation

Fandom: Star Trek

Pairing: Mckirk

Rating: Explicit

Tags: minor character death, hurt, little bit of self destruction, stranded, possible smut down the line

Summary:

“Attention citizens. This is the crew of the Enterprise asking for your aid. On Stardate 2264.78 a shuttle manned by our captain and fourteen cadets was ambushed by an unknown source and chased out of sight of our ship and into open space. Those cadets as well as our captain, James Tiberius Kirk, are still missing. We are asking anyone with any information on their whereabouts, or regarding the attack, to please contact the Enterprise immediately. Our family would appreciate any assistance you can give.”

AO3 Link

Masterlist

Special Thanks: wanted to give a huge shout out to my girl Katie, AKA @goingknowherewastaken for being a huge inspiration for this fic as well as for being a huge help (especially when it comes to putting up with my frantic ramblings lol) you're awesome boo <3

A/N: So this is a work in progress but it’s basically finished and I’ve been making great headway with this recently, so this will be the first fic I’ve ever finished! Woohoo!! And I’m thinking that I’ll probably stick to a Sunday post schedule.

Also a little note for y’all to keep in mind while reading. I have tagged this fic “possible eventual smut” and that’s because right now I don’t have any planned buuuuut… I’m going to leave that option up to you guys! Between the readers here and AO3, if you’re still with me by the end of this fic, leave a comment and let me know if you would be interested in an epilogue or end scene with smut. I’ll post a reminder at the end, but keep it in mind while reading.

And if anyone is interested in being tagged for future posts for this fic or any others I may post, please let me know and I’ll add you to the list! Thanks for reading <3

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Chapter two

Forty-five days. Forty-five days and still nothing. No sign of the shuttle, or Jim, or the bastards that attacked them, nothing.

Leonard sat at his desk with his head in his hands, staring blankly at the map of planets before him. The Enterprise had been hovering over a planet for the last four days now. Spock and a small landing party were down on the surface searching for any sign of Jim and his fourteen cadets, and Leonard hadn’t gotten word from them yet. All he could do at this point was hope, and he was worried that even though he was tying to hold on to what little he had left, he would soon abandon it all.

With the red marker in his hand he circled the planet they were currently searching. As he did, his eyes glazed over the rest of the map covered in angry red X’s. Twenty-nine planets between here and where they were first attacked, where he lost Jim in the chaos, twenty-nine planets and they still had not found Jim. He ran shaking hands through his hair, replaying the scene over and over in his mind. The attack, Jim’s shuttle being bounced around as it tried to flee, then watching helplessly as it faded into the black. If he didn’t find him soon he was sure he was going to go crazy.

He heard the woosh of the sickbay doors opening from where he sat in his office. He heard the commotion, the nurses running to the biobed being rushed in. Probably another superficial engineering injury, he thought, someone else can handle it.

“Doctor McCoy!” The desperate cry of his name had his head snapping up from his desk. Mere seconds later a dishevelled looking Vulcan stood panting in his doorway. Leonard hoped, oh god he hoped that this was it, that they had found Jim, but reality was still present in his mind. Jim had been missing on a foreign planet for forty-five days… he was afraid to hope too much. “Doctor, we found him!”

Before he could register his movements, Leonard was launching himself over his desk and running past Spock, the Vulcan right on his heels as he crossed the sickbay at a full sprint. He ran straight for the biobed being pushed in by Chapel and a few other nurses, his eyes instantly searching the screens for vitals. Once he found Jim’s heart rate on the monitor, proving to Leonard that he was alive and finally on the ship, his eyes and hands instantly rushed to Jim’s face. He was cold, dirty, pale, and covered in bruises and cuts. Some new but many old, he noted. His face was sunk in and he had lost a lot of weight while he was missing, and Len did not like that one bit. He hated seeing his friend, his best friend, in such a horrible state. The usually healthy Jim Kirk always came with a few cuts and bruises, but this… this was a lot for Leonard to take in. But the worst, he thought, were Jim’s eyes. Circled in darkness and shut tight, even as he called out his name, were red rimmed and wet. Len knew that could only mean one thing. As Jim lay alone in god knows what state, probably thinking the worst and accepting fate, he had been crying, thinking he would be dying alone on a foreign planet. The thought alone made Leonard’s stomach flip, almost enough to make him throw up, but Jim needed him now, he could be sick over it later when Jim was at least stable.

With his hands still holding Jim’s face, his fingers sliding down to press against his neck feeling his pulse weak under them, he called to him, “Jim, Jim can you hear me?!” but he got no response, not even the slightest movement. “Jim!” he tried again but he was met with still silence.

As they continued moving Jim through the sickbay, Chapel recited Jim’s condition in a steady voice to Leonard. Not only to inform the doctor of his patients condition, but also an attempt to bring Len back to reality and out of the Jim Kirk daze he was currently in. Jim would get through this, but he would need Leonard at his best. “Doctor,” she began “the captain is malnourished, severely dehydrated, and he has several injuries both internal and external that will need immediate surgery… Doctor?”

Without pulling his attention from Jim he responded, “I’ll do the surgeries.”

Though he hadn’t looked away from Jim, Chapel could tell that he was less “Bones” now then he was before, and more “Doctor McCoy”, hopefully realizing that Jim would both need and want the latter. “Good,” she nodded, “he wouldn’t want anyone else to do it.”

He didn’t respond to that as they made it to the operating room, taking one last look at Jim before letting him go and turning to his team, “I need someone to set up an IV, he needs fluids immediately, and we need to start dissolving nutrition and protein packs into the line now!”

At his barked words, two nurses left the room at a run, returning seconds later with the supplies he had asked for. They had the IV set and running in less time then it took to blink, and Len turned to leave the room to prepare himself. As he reached the door Chapel took his arm, holding him there to whisper between them, “Leonard,” in all his years with her, she had never once called him by his first name while on duty, “it doesn’t look like he’ll be waking up any time soon, I…”

He spared a glance back at Jim behind him, still unconscious, still unmoving, before turning back to her with a sigh, “Let’s gets his injuries fixed and his health on a steady incline, we’ll worry about… about the coma later.”

She nodded, letting him go and following him out to prep herself to aid him with Jim’s surgery. Neither saying another word to the other.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Bones emerged from the operating room ten hours later with a sigh of relief. Jim was stable. The surgery went well, though this didn’t mean Jim was completely in the clear. He still had a long way to go in regards to healing, but the worst of it was the coma. Bones couldn’t tell when Jim would wake up or…. if he would wake up, and that scared the absolute hell out of him.

As he took off his dirty scrubs and threw them in the bio bin, his eyes never left Chapel as she moved Jim to a private room at the back of the sickbay. As soon as he washed up and put on clean scrubs in his office, he made way straight for Jim’s room.

When he entered, Chapel was still setting things up and taking vitals, and Len stood at the base of Jim’s bed and watched. He watched the drip of the IV fluid, he listened to the hiss of the oxygen machine, he watched the steady flow of the heart rate monitor and thanked god that Jim was still here. But that wouldn’t help him any, hell it wouldn’t help anyone. This coma, this god damned coma, it was keeping Len from the one thing he wanted more than anything in the entire galaxy. Blue, blue eyes, staring up at him in their ever continuous wonder, wide and beautiful as they gazed back at him. And although Len would admit he was a goddamn good doctor, he couldn’t pull Jim out of a coma, especially if Jim didn’t want to come out. He just had to hope with everything he had that Jim hadn’t already given up when he lay dying on that planet alone.

A clearing of a throat pulled Len out of his thoughts, and he looked up to meet eyes with Chapel. Eyes filled with pity not so much for Jim, but for Leonard. “Doctor,” she nodded as he looked up, “I’ll leave you alone.”

He didn’t respond, just returned his gaze to Jim as she left the room, closing the door with a soft click behind her.

Once she was gone he moved himself to the side of the bed, sitting in the chair there. His hand hovered over Jim’s for a moment, and he thought maybe if he just held Jim’s hand, touched him, he’d wake up and this nightmare would finally be over.

A knock came at the door and he pulled his hand away. A muffled, “Doctor?” was heard from the other side and Len recognized the monotone Vulcan instantly.

The door opened slowly and Spock poked his head in. Finding Len, he opened it fully and walked in, padd in hand.

“Doctor.” Len still could not bring himself to speak and Spock expected as much. “While you were performing surgery on the Captain I went through the communicator we found on his person when we rescued him. I reviewed all of his entries…” He fiddled with the padd in his hand, stepping forwards and thrusting the padd towards Leonard, “I merged the ships logs with Jim’s in chronological order for the board to review but… I think you should listen to them, Doctor. There are some things in Jim’s logs I think you should hear.”

Len looked at the padd in front of him and shook his head, “Spock, I can’t.”

“You must, Leonard, for Jim.” He pushed the padd towards him again and waited until he reached out a tentative hand and took it.

When the padd was in Leonard’s hands, Spock retreated towards the door. “Doctor, I know this will be difficult for you, but know that when you reach the end of the logs it will all become clear. Jim wanted you to do this.”

Before Leonard could say or do anymore, Spock had left the room and closed the door behind him, leaving Len alone with Jim and the padd.

He let it rest heavy on his lap for a while before he finally spoke out loud, “Computer, shade windows.” The large windows at the front of Jim’s room darkened so he could no longer see the nurse’s station, could no longer see Chapel occasionally looking in at him.

With one final calming breath, he opened the padd and brought up the file Spock had left on the screen for him. There was a long list of logs, so he clicked on the one at the top and settled into his chair to listen as Jim’s voice filled his ears.

“Captain’s log, Stardate 2264.81. It’s been three days since our attack outside of Harmonia VI by an unknown party. Our shuttle, manned by myself and fourteen cadets in training, crash landed on an unknown non-federation planet on Stardate 2264.78. I managed to escape the crash with minor injuries, but some of my crew were not so fortunate. Our pilot, Cadet Trever Velnium, perished upon impact, Cadets VooHok and Amanda Hollis succumbed to their injuries on our second day, followed by Cadet Kent Vel-Nick this morning. The rest of us are trying to hold on, though most are in bad shape.

As for our supplies, we have rationed our small emergency kit of food as best we can. But between those of us who survived the crash, the eleven of us remaining, I’m afraid we won’t have much left to last past four days. And our medical supplies are dwindling fast, I… I don’t know how much longer I can keep my injured crew members stable, some of the injuries are far too extensive for my knowledge and lack of supplies… I’m afraid a quick rescue from the Enterprise and Doctor McCoy will be their only hope…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Ok, chapter two!! Getting more into the plot now! Let me know what you guys think and if you want to be added to the tag list. :)

tags: @goingknowherewastaken @bi-e-ne @weresilver-in-space

I’m also gunna tag: @medicatemedrmccoy @0dannyphantom0 @jimboy-mccoy @reading-in-moonlight and @flaminglupine

Y’all were tagged in another one of my mckirk fics, so i thought maybe you might like this one. if its not your cup of tea then just let me know :D

Thanks for reading <3

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stylessemantics · 7 years

Text

Missing Daddy

This came pretty much from nowhere and in the same document I wrote this I also wrote a few more short dad!harry ideas if you guys would like me to work on those and post them, let me know. Also while I was away and hiding on another blog I wrote some things and IDK if you guys would want me to repost them here or not and I don’t know either so i’t be good to know if you’d be interested? Anyways, enjoy some Dad!Harry fluff

Harry was away, and as usual that meant you and the twins had to go through things differently. Harry wasn’t there to fix something around the house or compose the boys a song when they were bored after school. There was a hole in the house dynamic but you were ready to face it like you’d done before and would surely do in the future. It doesn’t really get any easier, missing Harry, but as the boys grew older they did tend to at least help around and make it not as stressful. Seven was a great age where they understood daddy wasn’t around at the moment, which also meant mommy was a bit more tired than usual.

No matter where Harry went, he tried to call every day. It was different when it was just you and him, where he knew a quick text conversation just to know how the other was could do a lot. Now the twins were there and he liked checking up on his family and making sure y/n was doing fine and the boys were behaving.

Throughout the day you sent pictures and he’d respond as fast as he could which, sometimes, if the time difference was too big, meant late at night when the boys were sound asleep. Today, that was the case.

At around lunch time after stuffing your faces with a delicious pasta dish that was leftover from the day before, you sat with the twins, Alfie and Matthew, watching the afternoon cartoons and they asked to send a small message to Daddy. Quickly recording them on your phone saying their hello’s to Harry and telling him about their day – which consisted of helping mom with the dishes, doing their homework on time and plans to go play baseball with James, the boy next door – you found yourself smiling at how expertly they worked through missing Harry along with you, and before hitting send you added a nice “Your boys miss you” as text to go along the video.

Late that night, about an hour after Alfie and Matthew had fallen fast asleep, showered and spent from playing baseball, the house in silence except for the slow hum of the A/C and your fingers flipping pages of a book as you laid in bed, a sharp ring – thankfully not loud enough to reach the twins’ room – cut through the air.

Face-timing Harry always made you giddy, just getting to see his face after a long day was soothing and knowing this was the best you could get you cherished it every single time.

“Hey, hun” is the first thing that comes out of his lips along with a smile and a sigh of content as you pick up cutting of the ring. “Hi” you respond getting comfortable in your mattress and checking the small square with your face on it for the best way to position yourself so Harry sees all of your face lit up by the bedside lamp. “Time?” “About midnight… How are you?” “So tired. God, ‘m just now getting t’ the hotel, it’s…” His growing curls flop in front of his eyes as he moves his head around in search for a clock. With a low whistle of surprise he turns back to the phone in his hand “barely 3pm ‘ere” he lays with a chuckle, knowing it will be torture trying to stay awake until it was night for him, to beat the jet lag some. For a moment you’re both silent just taking in the other. He looks tired, like he hasn’t slept in days which he might as well haven’t, but you’re glad that he’s got a full free day where he could hopefully catch some well deserved sleep. After taking a long look at you he sighs happily, resting his head on the palm of his hand and smiling at you. “Rest up, please, you’re free today” you ask of him and he’s quick to agree that yes he will rest and make the most of the little time he has before the hectic schedule starts again. “Thank yeh fo’ the video y/n… Been watching it non stop ’til I could call yeh” “Yeah, your boys missed you” “I miss them too…” He pauses thinking about them, how he’s about ready to go back home and just lay between his boys as they greet him with hugs and cling to him all day, he specially loves that part of coming back home, how both his kids and his wife just pile onto the couch in a big mess of limbs and stick together like glue for hours comfortably hugging and squeezing, as if making up for lost time. “How’s my girl?” He continues with soft eyes and raspy voice that you can somehow tell is hoarse over the phone. “Fine…” you say softly, not sure he’s caught it through the microphone in the phone or not, but you press on “Missing you too, but with two lovely gentlemen looking after me” That puts a smile on Harry’s face, eliciting a booming laugh and everything. He remembers gathering the identical little devils and sitting them down as he made them promise they would look after mommy the best they could, and that they were the men of the house and had to act as such, both wide-eyed and compliant, nodding their curl-full heads.

“Good, good. Good t’know they listened t’my orders and are keeping our main lady safe” This time it was your turn to giggle at his words. Of course he’d tell two seven year olds to look after you in his absence. “Well, who’s keeping our man safe?” You dare ask after calming down from a fit of giggles, focusing on his freckles that are merely pixelated little dots on his face right now, and trying to picture how it feels to touch them and sink your index finger on his right dimple. “Thoughts of yeh are keeping me sane.” He mutters. Everything was so much different now. He thought leaving home would only get easier with time, but the moment Alfie and Mat came into the picture, Harry’s heart hasn’t been the same. Whenever there was a plane he had to take without his 3 favourite most important people in the world, he felt just a bit more deflated. This was supposed to get simpler, to not hurt as bad, but now just leaving for a week felt like he’d missed months of family time. Sure it had gotten better than when he had to travel for just 4 days back when the twins were barely two years of age – He’s sure he’s never been more on the brink of insanity and death from heartache than then – but still it never turns completely ok to leave.

It’s just a bit better, never best.

“I miss you…” he whispers again and with a quick nod of your head you let him know that you know. You know he misses you and so do you. “Just a few more days” and again there’s not much to say, just nodding lets the other know that yes, we can battle through a few more days of this, and then we’ll be happy and complete again.

It takes both of you about 15 minutes to tell the other about your days with varying levels of silence from tiredness and to just look at each other here and there, and before you know it, he should be getting to bed and making the most of his free day, as should you before its time to wake the boys up for school. “Kiss the boys 47392 times fo’ me. Tell ‘em I love them and miss them too” His hand is covering his mouth as he places kisses to the tips of his fingers, as if getting them all out of his system and ready to send to the two sleeping angels down the hall in a neat daddy-loves-you package. “Will do” “And tell their mommy that I love and miss her too.” As you blush and cuddle up to your pillow, he can’t help but smirk at the fact that he can make your cheeks red with comments like this even now after all these years. “Tell daddy I love him and miss him right back.” “I have a feeling he knows” Harry finishes and once again you just sit there looking at each other for a bit before he sighs and wishes you a good night sleep. Never having been good at hanging up, it’s safe to say you can literally see the both of you hesitating to end the call. Harry gets to catch you blowing a kiss his way before his screen goes greyish and there’s no longer a soft hum from it, making his hotel room feel a thousand times more quiet and lonely than it was before.

Before he gets to bed he takes a moment to send you some of the pictures he’s taken, be it of himself or the views on his way to his current destination, so that you can show the boys in the morning and it can feel a bit more like he’s there. As he lays down he replays the video of Alfie and Matthew that you had sent to him earlier, a smile growing slowly on his face as they talk over the other and you tell them to pace down in the background, to then change the camera and show your face sending him all the love.

Just a few more days and he could be there and reply to all those kisses in real time.

Inaugural, “I’m back on stylessemantics” piece :) Hope you guys like it tho it’s short lol. It’s midnight, I should sleep. Iv. xo.

#masterlist #a little something #idk what this is #missing daddy #dad!harry #harry styles #my writing #harry!talk #babbles about harry #a bit of Harry!talk #harry styles blurb #harry styles fanfic #stylessemantics

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red-dyed-sarumane · 6 years

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5 things tag

tagged by @undinefin サンキュー！

Rules: list 5 things under each category then tag some friends!

5 Things You’ll Find in My Backpack/Bag:

(aside from the normal things like wallet, phone, keys, ect):

oof the only bag i use is my school bag

• sketch book

•3 classes worth of stuff i really should get rid of

•atr pounch thing im using as a pencil case

•tsuyu & ochako pins

•a book rn a certain magical index 2

5 Things You’ll Find in My Room:

•turtle

•6 bottles of tea 5 of which u couldnt pay me tp drink anymore thats how long theyve been there (open)

•bookcase with just about all my utaite stuff on & albums

•another bookcase that actually has books

•a lot of scissors why do i have so many scissors

5 Of My Favorite Things:

•reptiles & amphibians dear god theyre so cute i love them esp like turtles frogs snakes salamanders etc but all of them

•music (go fucking figure) i love game soundtracks a lot & of course vocaloutaite certain songs just give me such a strong emotional response & i just always have earbuds in listening to something except in class i just really love

•dreams theres just so many different impossible things that happen in dreams like yeah sure ive died maybe 7 times but the things like dreaming soraru’s real name was “chouki milkmilk” and “did you know quail are the only flightless birds” and all the other stupid things dreams are fun

•art im REALLY frustrated rn bc i cant get risru right & im probably gonna have the same problem with shiru but honestly???? until u get rid of my hands entirely i’ll always be drawing something theres like 3 pages from school that DONT have doodles on them and i love how other people do things its just interesting how a collection of lines an colors looks like something else entirely and of course other forms of art like pictures & crafts & writing & music just so many protrayals of so many persectives & all pretty

•language although i kinda hate how picky rules can be & i can never express one (1) coherrent thought i love how word choice changes things in any language like the other day i said “so you get yourself a brand new kid” that made it sound like the kid is factory made rather than like ... a baby.... & also how there are so many collections of scribbles that are somehow representatives of words and people just?? read. and it means something. or how collections of sounds make words and sentences and its just... kinda cool

5 Things I’m Currently Into:

•the obvious: utaite. there are so many. i cant keep up. but i try to. when do they sleep. i dont know. voice pretty tho

•Etrian Odyssey. i SUCK at eo but the characters are cute & whats better than beating up monsters with a team of cute girls??? & wow the music is so pretty. i really love the second stratum in eo4. sure wish i could finish a game tho lmao

•ive been reading clockwork planet bc atr just had to do the ed & i actually really like it naoto reminds me of toki from heisei project

•the weathers finally warming up so i’ll be bothering the frogs again soon the water they live in is fuckin nasty tho

•corpse party. i’ve been meaning to replay it bc im missing some name tags but i havent gotten around to it yet. speaking of good music i really love some of the songs but of course those are the ones that werent on the bonus cd (at least theres that room in game tho)

5 Things On My To-Do List:

•actually study for once in my goddamn life. i really wanna. learn japanese but like... reading tweets & listening to twitcasts really isnt the most intense studying method i’ll get on it soon but oof havent really studied since second quarter and 4th quarter just started

•I WANNA LEARN TONCHINKAN NO EN & various other songs (c-caste)

•i have a list of things to draw mainly shirurisu shikioriori, shintaro’s pilgrim he just covered, atr’s yuudachi, ageyuki’s shoumei, ohayou, & c-caste, & i want a new lock screen for my phone so soborogohan

•kinda goes with sudying but i wanna reply with more than just good morning

•i wanna read bnha rather than just watching it but we’ll see

im not tagging anyone

#Tag thingy #thanks L!!!!

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neen-writes · 7 years

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Iron Legends: Reforged -- Chapter 14

Series: Fairy Tail

Characters: Gajeel, Levy, plus appearances from Natsu and Lucy.

Genre: Hurt/comfort, Sci-fi

Summary: The old lab had always been fuel for a good story, something you would half-heartedly joke about going to sometime. Some did, and when they came back they never talked about it again. The legends circulated, telling of ghosts, monsters, and anything else someone would be likely to conjure up about an abandoned building. But even with all the stories meant to keep everyone away, there are still those for whom the intrigue is too tempting.

Read the Reforged chapters on FFnet here, Ao3 here, and read the entire original story here!! AND find this fic’s soundtrack here!

Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch. 4 Ch. 5 Ch. 6 Ch. 7 Ch. 8 Ch. 9 Ch.10 Ch. 11 Ch. 12 Ch. 13

Gajeel?

Gajeel where are you?

“Do I have to repeat myself? I said prepare a space in the infirmary. I have a subject incoming with an impale wound.”

“A what?!” A voice, rubbed raw with screams, gasped out. There was no answer.

Wait…

Was that my voice?

Everything felt so hazy, so detached.

No, no, he can’t have been impaled. I don’t remember seeing him being… he was beaten into the dirt. I saw Rogue do that. He didn’t do anything else. I stopped it, I saved him, I--

In her haze, she tried to move, tried to sit up, but her body wouldn’t obey her. Something was moving her, holding her, and instinctively she recoiled from that unknown force. She regretted it immediately as pain flared through her like wildfire, tethering her further to the world and trying to pull her from her haze.

It hurts!! Oh god it hurts; what is that!? I can’t see anything, I don’t remember—

Then the images hit her. All at once, pounding into her brain to the tune of her racing heart.

Standing, arms spread, shielding the broken man. Pleading for it to stop, and then it hit her. The spear running her straight through, tearing flesh. It happened again, and again and again. Each time it replayed in her thoughts another wave of pain shook her and she opened her mouth to scream, but couldn’t tell if she even made a sound. She felt her lungs burn, her throat tighten, but only part of her was present.

LEVY!

His voice cut through the fog in a blaze. That scream--his scream--dug hooks into her pierced shoulder and reeled her blindingly to the present. Her eyes snapped open with a gasp, coughing from the rawness of her own throat.

Levy was set onto something solid, and she heard a thud next to her, then a slam. There was pressure put over her, holding her in place, and then everything started to shake. Was the ground shaking or was she?

She couldn’t tell if she was looking around her or if she was hallucinating. Everything was a blur, swept by some unknown current before she could latch onto any details. Where am I? Where are you taking me? Please, I want to go home! I want to see Gajeel!

She could feel a hard pressure wrapping around her shoulder, immediately firing stabbing, burning pain through her. The pain that made everything tighten and her jaw clench so tight she thought she might crack her teeth.

Then the pain slowly, terrifyingly, became static. It was a fuzzy throb at the edge of consciousness and she realized she was slipping away. The pain had brought devastating weakness and a blackness that chipped away at her consciousness. Like a hungry beast it took more of her, bit by bit.

Stay awake, stay awake, I need to…

With a roll of her head, the blurs, for just an instant, made out the form of a large black mane. It was gone as quickly as she had recognized it, and so was the pain. Is this what dying feels like? She felt nothing, saw nothing, and eventually,

Thought nothing.

“No sir, she has no family that we know of. She is acquainted with the chief’s son, however.”

Brown eyes opened slowly to the sound of muffled voices, gazing weakly around the sterile white room. The light was near blinding, bringing a painful, throbbing pressure in her forehead as she shut her eyes again to block it out.

“Minor. Igneel was unable to find us in the past.”

The sound of a familiar name tugged at her again to try and wake up. Igneel? Natsu’s dad? Levy opened her eyes again and turned her head slowly to the side, trying not to agitate anything. Her eyes focused on the door with the frosted glass window. Two silhouettes stood outside it, their voices muffled but intelligible through the door.

“You have given him reason to try again.”

“He’ll be hard-pressed to get the clear from commissioner, what’s-his-name, to open the case back up. In a different county no less. Hargeon is a large city, my friend. And we have been meticulous. Six years is a long time to bring a plan to fruition. The destruction of our first station was merely a speedbump, and ultimately a catalyst to rush construction here.” That sickening, confident voice overshadowed the other. She knew that voice, but was not yet conscious enough to understand the implications of where she was. “Now, is she stable?”

“Yes, sir. She lost a lot of blood, but we were able to close the wound. She’ll need to rest for a few days but fluids and pain medications should pull her through. It’s too early to say if she will be able to use that arm again without therapy.”

I what? she thought, turning her head too quickly to try and look at herself. Instantly a wave of dizziness washed over her and she tensed, but only pain followed. The blunette grit her teeth and bit down on a cry, not wanting to tip off the men outside to the fact she was awake, however fleeting it was.

“Yes yes, that’s all great but how soon until I can move her? Speak to her? I don’t need her to be recovered, just coherent.”

Levy’s stomach twisted a little, the more the one voice spoke, the more her hazy, weak state of mind was able to catch up with who he was. Who had her.

Slowly this time, the girl moved her gaze around the room again, confirming that she was alone, and that the room was bare save for medical equipment at her bedside, beeping softly. She inhaled deeply, trying to steady her nausea, and realized then that she had something on her face. With her left hand, she reached to her mouth shakily and felt the oxygen mask, before her good arm fell weakly at her side again. An IV line was taped to the back of her hand. Levy craned her neck as best as she was able and saw the heavy bandaging around her injured shoulder, with her right arm secured in a sling. Her head dropped back onto the pillow and she bit back another groan.

There was a heavy pause before the other male responded. “The soonest you should be able speak to her is in another day or so. You may move her if she is in a wheelchair. You won’t be able to run her around but she should be awake and aware.”

“Good. I need her aware of her purpose here as soon as possible, before our iron dragon catches on to our little fib. I need to be able to use her, quickly.”

Gajeel! She could barely remember them taking him… or her for that matter. All she remembered was Rogue, running her through. The image flashed through her mind’s eye harshly, her shoulder ached in response.

Levy couldn’t fully process the state of her situation, but did her best to move through the facts, one by one. That was definitely Jose outside her door, and they definitely had Gajeel. Which meant he was alive on one hand, but on the other he was theirs again. Judging by what Jose had said, Jupiter Technology had been building another facility long before they even lost their first. In Hargeon of all places, which was at the least two hour’s drive from Magnolia. So far from home. She pressed her eyes shut tightly, trying to will away the pain that the medications could not.

It took a minute for her to realize she could no longer hear the voices outside. She started to feel her thoughts, along with her hope, slipping from her. This time, it was sleep beckoning her, rather than weakness. As the black closed in, she could clearly see a single face in her mind that only brought her a shred of solace, and a world of guilt.

“Natsu… what do we do if he says no?” Lucy whispered to the boy next to her, her eyes focused on the clasped hands in her lap. Both of them sat on a bench at the station after coming to pester Igneel about Levy.

“Dad’s hard to say no to,” he responded, voice just as hushed. “And even if he doesn’t get the okay… you know he’ll try anyway.” A proud smile pulled at his mouth.

“Will it be in time, though?” Lucy replied, squirming in her seat. “She went missing yesterday and there’s still no sign of her,” the blonde’s voice cracked, before she felt his arm over her shoulders and he pulled her into his side. Carefully, he kissed her hair.

“We’re gonna find her, Luce. One way or another. I promise.” Natsu did his absolute best to sound confident, to reassure her. Judging by the slight relaxing of her shoulders, it seemed like it worked. They both knew full well it wouldn’t be that easy, but neither of them needed to acknowledge it right now. For Levy’s sake, they wouldn’t allow themselves to be anything but optimistic.

A sudden thud and a raised voice brought their attention to the door to their right, the frosted glass only giving them a glimpse at movement within.

“The hell you mean you can’t, Makarov?” the fiery-haired man nearly bellowed at the stern-faced elder in front of him.

“I never said I couldn’t, Igneel. Don’t you raise your voice at me,” the older man replied sternly. Despite having a stature considerably smaller than the redhead in front of him, the commissioner exuded a powerful authority. “Just not as quickly as you are asking me to. You know we can’t just warm up such a high-profile case up this fast. There is a process. We need people, time, a review of the evidence. You are asking me to dig all of this back up on a hunch, and to bring it to another jurisdiction no less. Because of something you think the kids found.”

Igneel balled a fist and dropped it down on the commissioner’s desk. “Are you listening to me at all? They know specific details from the case. Details we never released. And a child is missing again, sir. It’s the same thing all over again.”

“It’s coincidental, chief. You know it is. The information they know is entirely a product of their trespassing and juvenile imaginations,” Makarov replied, directing his eyes down to his desk apologetically. “You need to get a missing person’s report filed, not reopen the case that got away. We all have them.” There was a knowing edge to his words. “You aren’t the only one that’s lost something, Igneel.”

“I know damn well I’m not the only one, but you don’t need to take out your failures as a guardian on me,” he growled, glaring heavily at the commissioner.

“Watch yourself, boy.” Makarov bit out, making it clear a nerve had been hit. “Don’t get yourself hurt treading into my personal affairs.”

Igneel winced, realizing the hastiness of his words. Bringing up his grandson was a low blow, but he couldn’t stop now. “Our justice system failed every one of those children, and now that I have reason to try again I won’t let it fail them all over. It’s Levy that’s missing. The girl never gets into any trouble.” A muscle twitched in Makarov’s jaw that let Igneel know he was at least on the right track. “She fits the bill, no parents or extended family. She’s been missing since yesterday, and she claimed to have seen Porla, here in Magnolia,” he urged, trying to find some way to keep pushing his superior. “I am not letting this die on me again and I will not have another kid’s life on my hands that I didn’t try hard enough to find justice for. The longer we wait the greater the chance we never see her again.” Igneel straightened up and squared his shoulders, exuding a fiery determination that did not go unnoticed.

Makarov looked up to the chief, his eyes studying the hardened man’s face for a few moments. Igneel would not back down, and did not waver under his superior’s stare. It was not something the old man was unaccustomed to. The chief had a personality as combustible as his appearance would suggest and when he fixated on something, he was not like to let it go. It was a quality that both infuriated Makarov as his superior, and also massively served their department. It was also a quality he was slowly passing onto his son.

Finally, a defeated sigh deflated the dominant stature and Makarov hunched a little. “Alright,” he said first, but seeing the expression of victory quickly rise in the red-head in front of him, Makarov quickly raised a hand to stop him. “I’ll authorize a small detail to the old facility to see if there are any indications that Levy, or Porla, were there. I recommend Laharl. I want a full report on the evidence we have thus far, and I will need a testimony from your son and Lucy, before I even think of contacting anyone in Hargeon. I need to know that we even have something solid to stand on before stepping into another county. Clear?”

“Crystal.” Igneel rested both hands on the desk with a grateful smile, pushing his weight forward before he rolled back on his feet to leave. “Oh, and sir?” Makarov hummed in response, “I do hope your boy reaches out to you again, someday,” he said in way of an apology for his earlier transgression. The commissioner merely nodded solemnly, and watched the chief leave.

“Where are you taking me…” Levy asked, barely above a whisper. Her voice was flat and dry, eyes fixed on her lap. The floors were thankfully smooth for the most part, allowing the chair to roll without jostling her. The process of being pulled out of bed was uncomfortable enough, and the near full day of sleep hadn’t done much for her headache.

“Dr. Porla wants you in the holding wing,” the voice behind her answered, just as devoid of expression as she was. She didn’t recognize him when he had come for her that afternoon, nor did she recognize anyone they passed in the halls.

Levy licked her lips, trying to fight the horrible cotton-mouth, “Holding?”

“Where the subjects are kept,” he answered abruptly, a finality in his voice that told her he was done indulging her. He likely wasn’t permitted to speak to her much at all.

The girl went rigid and clenched her good fist, understanding turning into dread. They’re taking me to see him. The realization hit hard, and her breath hitched. This wasn’t going to be some casual bedside visit, there was a definite motive here and her thoughts returned to the conversation she overheard the day before. There was a very real reason why they had brought her here; Jose seemed like a man of results and efficiency, they wouldn’t have wasted time or resources on her unless they expected her to benefit them in good measure.

Levy’s gut dropped with the elevator as they descended two floors, terrified of what she might see at the bottom. She studied the buttons on the elevator, gleaning that in terms of height(or depth) the building wasn’t that large: 1, GF, -1, -2. He had punched the bottom-most key. We’re going underground… they keep them underground. She turned her head slightly, glancing at the man behind her from the corner of her eye. She may not have recognized him, but felt it pertinent to at least know his face.

There was a soft sliding noise as the doors opened in front of her, revealing a long, bright hall, at the end of which stood none other than Jose. As the man pushed her forward, the gap from the elevator to the floor jerked her shoulder painfully. Levy inhaled through her teeth, but kept her eyes open. On either wall were what looked like large glass panels, doors almost. Each evenly spaced from the other, with maybe fifteen on each wall.

It wasn’t until they passed by the first glass wall that she realized they were cells. The first few were empty, but they had the same amenities you’d see in a jail cell, with a single light in the ceiling of each. After passing two empty cells, she saw one that was occupied by none other than one of her captors: Rogue. He sat, motionless, on his cot with his head bowed. Their arrival did nothing to stir him, and with how airtight the cells looked, she wondered if they could even hear them. The next cell had another man, laid back completely on his cot with his arms behind a head of maroon hair; then came a man with golden hair, sat the same way Rogue was with head bowed.

Levy swallowed hard, watching as they passed the cells one by one. Not every one was occupied between the two walls, but they were mostly filled with people of similar ages. Most were in the same state of quiet obedience as Rogue and the other two. But the further they went—closer to the repulsive sight of Dr. Jose Porla at the end waiting for her—the more unrest she saw within. Some of them would suddenly rush the walls, and impact with muted thuds, spitting silent curses. Rocking and pacing, the more restless individuals appeared to have earned additional restraint in the form of masks, handcuffs that encompassed their forearms entirely, and even just straps to hold them to their cots, with lines of some unknown chemical attached to their arms. They looked like caged animals, and they were treated as such.

“Miss McGarden, so good to see you on the mend.” The very sound of his voice brought a deep sense of loathing that she didn’t even know she was capable of. The capacity to hate someone with such vehemence was new to her, and it drew her gaze from the subjects to the man responsible. “I won’t waste your time or mine with chatter,” he started, and had Levy felt better she might have scoffed at him for that, “I have something I am just dying to show you.” The mustached man jerked his gaze to the final cell in front of him as the individual behind her rolled her next to Jose. It was dark inside, and she realized the ceiling light that the other cells were equipped with was smashed out. The glass wall was scraped and scuffed, and the cot had been smashed and twisted beyond recognition, pushed all the way to the front like it had been used to try and get out.

There was a faint, pulsing red light within the cell that only supplemented a small amount of ambient light from the hall. Each time it flashed she could see the outline of a large figure on its knees with its back to them, slumped against the back corner. She brought her left hand to her mouth, stifling not only her gasp but trying to stay the meager contents of her stomach.

Gajeel swayed back and forth, dragging his head and armcuffs across the wall in front of him before thudding against the wall next to him before swaying back the other way. Mindless and repetitive. She could see lines coming from his cuffs, attached to something within the walls, and wondered if that was a way to medicate him.

“What have you done to him?” she wheezed, unable to tear her eyes away from him or put any more strength in her voice.

“Besides pumping him continually with sedatives?” Jose answered, a hint of precarious amusement in his tone as he clasped his hands behind his back and turned to look fully at Gajeel. “I told him you were dead.”

Levy nearly choked, her eyes flying to Jose, the hatred having given way to desperate pleading. A complete lack of comprehension for the utter depravity and lack of humanity that he wore like a badge of honor, with a cape of indifference. The shock left her with no room to spit at him, only to ask, “Why?”

Jose looked at her, a brow raised as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, and she was asking a very stupid question. “To see if we could make him more pliable, of course,” his tone was matter-of-fact in a way that turned her stomach. “He was in such a rage yesterday when we got him here, after the first round of sedatives wore off.” The man smiled, shaking his head, “Had he been a conditioned subject, it would have been such a magnificent power to control. He truly continues to be one of our best in terms of ability. Not in terms of will. Too much of that, he’s got,” Jose trailed off a little, looking back to the dragon in his cage. “But then I had the brilliant idea to test your effect on him. Once I told him, it was like flipping a switch. It was spectacular. He went down like a rock, faster than any tranquilizer we could have ever used.” There was a sideways glance to the blunette, “You really have quite a hold on him.”

Levy grimaced and her hands shook, but she had to force herself to talk. She was right here, in front of him and very much alive. She couldn’t allow him to think or suffer otherwise. “Do you really think that glass will hold him?” she spat, deliberately raising her voice.

The researcher shook with a condescending laugh, bringing a palm to his face in insulting exasperation. “Oh, you sweet child. That is four inches of layered Lexan polycarbonate, with one-sided tint. He’s not going anywhere, he can’t see us, and he can’t hear you either, so don’t try.”

Levy bit her lip, having been foiled so easily. She was grasping at straws and little more. “So then why am I still here? If I am ‘dead’ what else could I be good for to you?” the blunette asked, heavily dreading the answer to the question.

“Insurance,” Jose answered simply. “Should that beast turn to that thirst for revenge I so know him to be capable of, all I have to do is dangle you in front of him. It is abundantly clear to me that he will do anything for you, out of some poor, misguided emotional investment. And if it comes to that, I will suddenly be the man who brought you back to life, as well as the man who can take it away.” The foreboding in his voice was not lost on her. “You are exactly the tailored conditioning tool I needed for him, Levy McGarden. I have been fortunate enough to find some for our others, but never one for him,” he shot a look down the hall that made Levy wonder what ‘insurance’ he could have possibly used against the other poor souls on this floor. “Even when I thought I had truly molded him into the weapon we needed, he still found a way to defy me. And I will not be defied. Not this time. Not when I have worked so hard to expand this company.” There was an edge to his words, and she could see him grip his hands together with white knuckles for several tense moments before he relaxed himself and rolled the tension off his shoulders. “Besides, do you really think I can let you walk, knowing what you do? With all that snooping you’ve done? You did this to yourself; how you must wish you had stayed in your quiet little house.”

Levy had nothing to say, and for a moment she wondered if she would have been better off never finding Gajeel or the lab. If she should have just killed her curiosity and let the legend be a legend. No. I can’t live with that kind of ignorance, she berated herself. The girl had no idea what would become of her here, or if she would ever see the sun again let alone Gajeel. But she could not justify having not tried to stop such a terrible injustice.

“I have yet to decide if I want to make better use of you once I’ve sold him, so you are more than welcome to hold your breath on that. Know that if you try any heroics, you will make his life considerably worse,” he turned to fully face her, leaning forward to place both hands on either arm of her chair. “And I am sure you are not ignorant to how hellish I can make things for him. So do be a dear and do as you’re told. Quietly,” his tone had dropped, threatening her. “Your life is in just as much his hands as he is in yours.”

“You’re sick,” Levy muttered, having lost what little confidence she came in there with.

“I prefer brilliant,” the proud man replied as he pulled back, standing straight. “We are going to have such an interesting dynamic here, Miss McGarden. I can see it.” His eyes flicked up to the silent, shell of a man across from them. “We have learned from our mistakes, and we have built something even greater.” A wistful smile, like that of a man who truly believed he was doing something great, crossed his face.

“Now, enough of my talking. You need to rest. I’d love to show you the training hall next. Although you already got a taste of it in the field,” he smirked, glancing to her wound. “But I do have to listen to my medical team sometimes and the last I need is you dying before I even get any return from you on the resources you’re graciously being supplied…” With that, Jose gave her a taunting wave as she was turned away, her gaze falling on Gajeel last.

The broken shadow of the man that had tried so very hard to save them both from this. Her gaze lingered as long as it could, as though begging him to see her--sense her--until he faded from view with the rest of the line of poor souls, whose lives were in just as much ruin as Gajeel. Her heart bled for all of them, wondering if any of them had someone to care for them anymore. What had Jose used against them to bend them beyond the conditioning?

Where is she, where is she?! Give her back to me! I won’t let you have her! Get me OUT of here! I will tear this whole damn place down to the ground again. I will finish it! Give her back to me! Don’t fuckin’ touch m--

How violently you still fight against me now that you’ve lost. You’re home again, X777. Give in, give up. You know I hate the giving you the shocks like this.

I’ll fucking kill you, Jose! This is over! Give! Her! Back!

Oh how you call for her, you pitiful beast. ‘Where is she?’ Don’t you know?

The fuck you talkin’ about?!

Levy is dead.

The girl died right there, in your arms. You brought her to her death.

She lost too much blood.

X772 tore her up, fragile thing.

What a foolish decision she made to interfere.

You have nothing left to fight for. You have nothing left to live for. Come home, let me give you purpose.

Naïve boy, just give up. Don’t fight us, let the medicine kick in again.

There now. I will make it all go away.

That’s it, that’s a good soldier.

Don’t move, now.

The other men had left after ensuring all his sedation lines were connected through his cuffs and thoroughly pumping him with everything that would keep him on his knees, and prevent any more outbursts like the one just before they arrived. Had he not already still felt the effects of the first round, he might have been coherent enough to get past them. But his limbs failed him, and his blurred vision betrayed him. His back still tingled where the voltage had hit him to get him back down to start with.

Ruby eyes, dull like dying coals, turned slowly towards the front of his cell. Through the open doors he saw the devil, standing, watching.

Waiting. There was a small stirring, the remnants of a former self that still felt revulsion for the man.

What did hatred matter now? What did any of it matter? He was right back where he started. And because of him, because of his delusions, he had her blood on his hands. Blood they hadn’t washed off of him. It was entirely his fault, and as the stink of it constantly bombarded his nostrils, he couldn’t even try to convince himself that it wasn’t.

The last thing that he remembered was her screaming, shaking in his arms. He hadn’t been able to escape the sound for a second since he awoke. It was the last memory he had of her and it was seared so profoundly into his mind that by no normal means would he ever be able to escape it. It was a sound, an image, and a guilt that would haunt him as long as he was… himself.

All at once, he didn’t want to be Gajeel anymore. The monster outside his cell became less and less an object of fear and hatred, and more of a means of escape. An escape from anything that was left of himself. A door to what they wanted him to be: a mindless number.

That was a man that had taken everything from him, and it was a man that could take everything of him. Everything that would perpetuate the agony he felt, the parts of him that knew, loved and remembered Levy McGarden could be taken so easily by Jose. That was the man that could destroy Gajeel Redfox one last time and leave only the emotionless, unattached X777.

He wholly relinquished himself to that. Welcomed it.

There was nothing else left for him.

The doors finally slid shut, leaving him in the sealed box with only the emergency light flashing after he had destroyed the main bulb. Gajeel turned back to face the wall and pressed his forehead on the cold surface, barely noting the sensation with how much tranquilizer had been pumped into his system.

Just as deserving of love and kindness as anyone else.

Every one of his muscles tensed and a snarl contorted his face as he headbutted the wall in front of him, shattering that image he had of her. With one final expulsion of the last bit of strength he had, Gajeel Redfox roared everything that was left of him into oblivion.

#gajevy #fanfiction #ftfanfics #fairy tail #gajeel redfox #levy mcgarden

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raes-dirty-laundry · 5 years

Text

Stress

I didn’t realize exactly the depth of pure shit I was in until I wrote, be it a very summarized version, of it all down. That version was sent off never to be seen again but this version I’m about to write all down for you here is the extended directors cut. From my brain to this social media platform to you, in all its angsty glory;

1. Constant worry about the wellbeing of my ex girlfriend, that I haven’t seen in three weeks. And when I say constant I mean not a moment goes by where she’s not on my mind. I’m ether formulating the next text I’m going to send her, the next conversation I’m going to have with her (the next time she decides to fucking bless me with her presence), the next accusation, confrontation, confession, concession, profession of everything I’ve been holding in; or I’m bombarded with the mental image of her lying dead on the carpet, all the years and decades passing by where we’re in love and nothing could keep us down as long as we got eachother, successful or poor, fat or thin, living or dying or somewhere in between. that life, that track, that winding road I could have kept her going on if I wasn’t selfish, didn’t take myself away from her for my own good. What’s my own good any good for if she’s gone anyway? And sometimes when I think of her all I feel is relief that it’s over, and guilt that its really, really not. Sometimes all I think is how much I miss her, not that I miss us or what we had together but believe it or not she was good company and an even better friend. Sometimes when I think of her I’m furious and sometimes I’m sad, but mostly I just want closure. A closure I don’t deserve and I’ll probably never get anyway.

2. Me passing this semester, this whole year is solely dependent on a paper I mean to write but never have the time or the motivation or the ability to create. It was due a week from torrow and I’ve promised my professor it’d be on his desk tomorrow morning, but I think we both knew that’s not going to happen. I’m going to fail his class and fail this year and there’ll be no one to blame but my own shitty inability to make good on my word. My word is all I fucking have and I can’t even keep that straight. I’m unwilling to hand in a crap paper and I’m unwilling to do what it takes to completely it and I’m unwilling to show up to his class empty handed, so what the fuck am I supposed to do now? All my options are exhausted, I’m exhausted, and I’ve not even begun to suffer for it.

3. Speaking of classes, I’m on the verge of failing two of them and only with a month left in school there is absolutely no time and little I can do to make it up. Not only will this hinder my ability to pursue further education but it will also without a doubt put strain on my home life as well, when the truth comes out either by admission or that cold hard evidence when the grade report comes in. Let it be known that at least I’ll take the responsibility for my own damn action and conscious choices that led me to fuck everything up. Let it be known that my free will is strong, and as much as it blesses me it is also my greatest burden, but I’m learning to live with it as I am will all things.

4. I’ve been severely deprived of possitive social interactions, friendships and what have you, for god knows how long: since I fell out with my childhood best friend, Jacob, surely. Because of this for the longest time I had aloud shit people into my life because I was desperate, and just up until recently I have come to terms with my inherent isolation and found peace with the one solid and good friendship I have, I found peace with putting my all into being happy with myself and not needing others to define my value. Since that epiphanic moment for some god forsaken reason everyone from here to whoville has been coming out of the woodwork to be my ‘friend’. By friend I mean they want to use me as an emotional dumpster, and somehow I’m the one left feeling guilt deep in my soul for just not giving a rats ass about thier shorty problems and thier shitty lives that I can’t do anything about and if I tried they’d be pissed and if I have advice they wouldn’t take it and if I just listened they’d tell me they don’t feel valued and I act like I don’t care and they’d spit in my face. So forgive me if this irony is fucking shocking when I say, the moment I stop lusting for friendship and start actually examining the quality of those I let influence me, a cascade of shit people become vying for my attention, right when I gain the ability so see through said shit too. Where were these people when I was desperate and would have bent over backwards for their every whim? Where were they when I was honest to god lonely and just needed one friend, one person to talk to no matter how shitty or using or manipulative? Now that I’m free of my blissful ignorance, free from letting scum walk all over me just because they give me the time of day, now they all see my value? It’s not fair and entirely too patronizing, even for god this is gone too far.

5. I’m almost certain that the only constant, stable good thing I’ve got left in my life is getting closer and closer to his end and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever has to deal with in my entire goddamn life. After he’s gone I’m afraid of what will become of me. I’m sure that everything good about my soul that was ever worth anything of value will leave with him. I’m almost relieved that the squishy, vulnerable, loving bits left still inside me will be burried with his soft little body in the dirt where it will all go back to creation, hopefully where it can be used and remade and turned into the thread that twines around true loves hearts. Meanwhile I’ll be left here to live on my life, cold and careless and unseeing, where I will finally be able to throw myself into the Work. all that I see now, all the suffering thag hurts to ignore, all the love and the heartache and everything that makes me who I am will be deep in the dirt where it belongs and I’ll be blessedly empty and there’ll nothing left to hurt any longer. Or at least that’s what I hope.

6. The responsibilities I’ve been turning a blind eye too for far too long are finally nipping at my heels and I can barely contain them inside my any longer. I’ve got a responsibility to myself to take care of myself far better than I have been. I owe it too the one friend I truly have to try and take better care of her and our friendship. I have a responsibility to make sure my boy he’s happy and safe and well cared for, but I can’t bring myself to take him in and find out how long we’ve really got, it would break what little of me that’s stable that I have left and I just can’t to that to him, I’ve got to be strong enough to be there when the time comes but it’s selfish to keep myself in this dark, it’s wrong of me to do this too him but I just don’t know what to do. What I can do, if there’s anything, and I’m too scared to go find out. I’ve got a responsibility to myself to actually be responsible with my life for once, do what I must do to progress on my path but I just can’t find it in myself to break out of the routine and do something with myself. Ive got the will, but I just can’t seem to find my way.

7. The nightmares, if they can even be called that, have been plaguing me for a week or so and it’s probably the worst possible development nueralogically that could have happened to me as of late. My dreams, for years, have been the only peace I find in my horrible useless life. The only place in my mind that I don’t have conscience control of, hence it is salvation for a person like me. A whimsical everchanging world that has always brought me joy has now been ruined. Every night it begins like how it used to be, funky little nonsensical dreams where I’m free to just enjoy for a moment a life where I am simply lead, no choices to make and no prices to pay. Hours of harmless everlasting fun safe tucked away in my mind where no one can rain or take away. I’ve always had a vivid imagination, so it’s always been sometime bright and new and exciting. But now? It’s dull. Not scary, not terrifying, not traumatic or chaotic, just my life through a lens. It’s like stepping into a version of my own life where I make irriversable mistakes, where every bad trait is put under the microscope and examined in depth, or it’s replaying every mistake I’ve ever made before, over and over until I can’t tell what’s real life and what’s inside, or worst of all, I’ll wake up and not remember a damn thing; a completely dreamless night. I never knew one of the last good things in my life that were truely mine could so easily slip through my grasp, and now my peace is gone and I’m scared every night that the next time I fall asleep will be even later than the last until I’m so fed up with my dreams not being the salvation that it used to be, that sleep while once was the hope on the horizon getting me through the day will now be so useless and horrible that I’ll give up on sleeping all together and just be an empty sleepless lifeless zombie. I’m scared that I’ll never get my dreams back. I’m scared that one day I might even learn to be content with the dull dreams that leave me racked with despair every time I open my eyes and just have my own sad twisted life thrown back at me.

That pretty much sums it all up. Those are the factors in which are making it extremely difficult to life my life at the moment. These are the reasons I’ve moved beyond stress and anxiety to a simmering ball of hazy rage doused dread. I know one day it’ll all be irrelevant or I’ll just be used to it, but I almost prefer feeling too much all the time, as apposed to not being able to feel anything at all, but I’m sure my stance on that there will change with time and I become more and more numb to the world around me, duller and duller until I am blind to the machinations of my own demise.

#rae rambles #stress #please god give me the strength to carry on

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lifestoryparty · 6 years

Text

When I finally wrote this

been watching heroes for a bit, this ep was a bit to intense, haha. it was sad. anyways, i finally might get to writing more of my life story. I havent ever written about this part of my life, and honestly the only thing ive got left anymore might be old messages and a poem I wrote a long time ago to do with this period, thats it. Maybe I didnt write about it because to write about it was to let it go, to write about it was to accept things for what it was, maybe I was afraid shed see it, I honestly cant remember because I know for a long time after I did everything I humanly could to forget because remembering hurt far to much. The day me and Moo Moo broke up I didnt honestly believe it was over, we always made up and made it work, she was loyal and mine and we pushed through everything together. I believed she would never leave. I literally believed that she wouldnt ever go, she’d always be there. That was during a time that I had really never been hurt to that extreme before, I actually trusted her with all my heart, and I mean with everything, she was a good person, she had been through so much already, dealt with me at my worst, dealt with all the craziness like with drake and meds and crying in the shower, attempted suicide, she knew me in and out more than anyone really did at that time. I dont know if i was friends friends with tompkins or not yet but even he didnt know me like that. So yeah i didnt believe it when she said it. well the next day came around and there was no messages saying she wanted me back or was sorry, there wasnt anything. so I messaged her and she said it was really over. so I started to panic a little and was like no, I need you, I love you, and I really really started to realize it recently what you really meant to me, I wanted to do a special thing for you on valentines day, etc. but she completely wouldnt take it. She gave me the reasons she gave on that last blog i sent, and I said I could change and Id do anything for her but she said it was to late. well finally I asked if it was lucas, and she admitted it was, she admitted to hanging out with him and just talking to him for hrs in his dorm room. she said nothing happened, but she felt things with him she hadnt felt with me in a really long time. She felt like they connected and he deserved a chance. I was upset, I felt like i’d been the one with her all this time, why does he deserve a chance? dont I get a chance to prove I can change? she didnt even give me that, she just let me go…Well from there, it was back and forth for a while trying to beg for her back, but she wouldnt allow it. I would go in to our public speaking class and stare at her, sorta small talk, but not really saying anything. it freaked me out, scared me. How we could have been so close to nothing at all. She still wore my promise ring every day and it confused me. The pain in me started growing worse and worse and I was starting to lose it. I started having panic attacks off and on, i’d lie in my bed in the dark listening to dark depressing music, or music that reminded me of her. I’d scream in to the blankets, punch the walls, cry, I would curse at god for letting it happen, i’d beg him to let me have her back but nothing changed. My dad tried to explain what I was going to go through and what i’d have to do. He tried to get me to promise not to do anything drastic but he couldnt have prepared me in the least to how I was going to feel. Every day that i’d wake up i’d be completely numb, it was just pain to the point of losing my mind. Every day felt like a blur, I always had goosebumps, i’d replay every moment that I could remember in my head over and over. I couldnt see the world around me, it was all slow motion and so very cold. I could barely do school. I wasnt there in my head. my grades started dropping, I was failing math, but I didnt care about anything, she was all I had keeping me going through what was already hell, she was my strength through the court stuff with drake and what it caused, and now I felt like I had no one. When it came to my class with her I wouldnt do any of the presentations in front of the class, i did them in front of my teacher for a lesser grade. I couldnt face her anymore, I loved her still even through the pain, I couldnt stop, I couldnt let it go. My mom would try to talk to me and get me out but mostly I just stayed home and dwelled in it. The darkness in my heart only grew as i layed in my room listening to music as I would be in and out of a dream state as I replayed the memories. I couldnt tell much from reality anymore, as far as I knew I was already in hell. I thought from time to time about how I could go find this guy and hurt him. I thought about cutting his face and making him ugly. I thought about beating him down with a bat. I was seriously going crazy and I didnt care anymore. Sometimes I wanted revenge on her, I wanted her to hurt just as much as me. I wanted to do things to her so she couldnt pain anymore, so she couldnt do what she loved. but I knew i shouldnt do any of these things and that I was just severely broken after already going through so much. I had no one to really go to, it was just me falling apart in my head. I thought about suicide so many times. I didnt see what the point of living was anymore. Her friend that I flirted with, well she started asking about everything and I would talk to her about how I felt, and shes sort of the reason I wrote out my life story. It helped get some of the pain out. The few things I wrote to do with after the relationship were these things: Me and the girl I was with for two years have finally broken up much to my dismay, it came expectedly but in a I didn’t believe it till it happened way. First year I feel like for some people isn’t to bad, everythings fresh and new, kind of learning experience, but after some time, that kind of dies down, you have to kind of work at it in whats best for the both of you. Temptations will come your way, its to be expected, sometimes you just lose the feeling, or just plain boredom. Dont make the mistake of falling in to temptation, especially if you care for who you are with, it does nothing but hurt the both of you in the end. taking antidepressants can either hurt or hinder your relationship in different ways, it can either help or hurt you when trying to have sex, it can make your personality change for the worse, or make you feel nothing for your partner. Just depends on how your body accepts it. I fell in to temptation but chose her in the end and dealt with personal pain for 3 monthes. Meds didnt work out for me, but prozac was amazing for sex. I dealt with trouble trying to get used to being off the meds and figuring out what I want. It was a big issue for a while and by the time I really knew what I wanted it was too late. Which I learned that even good people can lie and hurt you. I learned many small things and know what to look for in the future if it ever came to it, but I learned to love and accept someone for who they were despite the flaws and not a total click in personality. I was actually going to propose after feeling this, cause I loved before, but this was something different, its like I let go of my self completely and it was just a constant flow of happy and love and want to do anything and change if need be, it was the most extreme feeling ever, it was like how i felt the first year, but, way deeper and meaningful, like i knew for sure this is who I wanted to be with. Next thing of course is if you ever see your partner acting a little strange, find out why as soon as possible. One of the worst feelings though is heartbreak. For me, it seems to have changed me in a way, It forced me to grow up and change and to not expect things to always work out, which even now I continue to do so because I havent accepted things for what they are. Knowing friends I know love can destroy people and wreck their lives, but for others its a fresh start, a new beginning, or just a learning experience. Sometimes you need to let go of that certain someone to let them figure out what they want, it may or may not work out for you in the end, but sticking together wont make things better in all cases. I personally hurt like hell at a constant rate and it comes and goes, i’m trying to be supportive, but it hurts knowing where my heart is and the hope of her realizing that things arent always better on the other side of things..All I can do is wait and see what happens but on the other end of things I’ll have to keep on the look out of other people, but I dont believe that things will ever be like it was with her… so I wear your clothes when I miss you the most everywhere I go I see your ghost, what should I do, what should I do? I was on cloud 9 till you let me fall now i’m just trying to put my feet on the ground, but your voice is the only sound. How can we be friends when your loving him? Don’t you feel like you committed the biggest sin? In the end, what should I do, what should I do? You’re still everything my heart desires, and every day my body feels like its on fire, The only thing that cools me down are the tears that fall from my face and to the ground. What should I do, what should I do when i’m missing you? I hope one day maybe you’ll see that i’m the one that you can believe, but right now thats all I can do is wait for you. Do you remember how it felt to want to kiss me at the park? Do you remember the first time you wanted to hold me close, do you remember those urges you held inside until one day I finally decided? Do you remember our first date and the kiss that followed? The sheetz run and talking with my mom before we let you go? Do you remember how it felt when everyone asked if were together, that we looked so good for each other? Do you remember the storys we used to share while I played with your hair? Do you remember the days at the park were we started to bond, one of our first pictures there was under the sun. Do you remember getting high and feeling so great, and all the damn pizza that we ate? Do you remember when you didnt know how to kiss, and I showed you how to do it just like this? Do you remember how we spent every day after school together, no matter what work we had or the weather? Do you remember how I could never decide which side I wanted to hold your hand and sit with you during movies? Do you remember when I asked if you were ok with this, before I put my hand in your shirt and felt your chest. Do you remember the heat of your face when repeatedly you had my lips to taste? Do you remember the first time we “touched” and we were so scared? I made sure that you knew that I cared. Do you remember prom and what I wanted it to be? it ended up perfect dont you see? Do you remember how we danced the night away, and the breaths in my chest seemed to never stay. Do you remember my eyes as you looked in to them, as we experienced the moment that I put myself in? Do you remember the feeling of things being more perfect than they’d ever been? Do you remember the sensation you felt that night, us being one while I was inside. Do you remember the weekends that i’d come around, even in the snow from my house to yours? Do you remember the passion that we shared, from the stairs to your bed, over and over again? Do you remember how happy you were and how you couldnt get enough, before we knew it, we were truly in love? I remember it all and will continue to, I will remember how you would say I luff you. I will remember how you would tell me to pick you up and hold, how I would kiss your face, almost every day. I will remember the hard times we pushed through, and the cold days i’d work to get a present for you. I remember the talks we’d have, and the scary moments we pulled together through. What I know is i’ll continue to miss and love you and thats one thing that is true, I know its true love cause I still want to be with you. I love you and I’m thinking about you constantly, i’m sorry I cant talk to much right now, but words cant touch what i’m going through. Trust me i’d do anything to be with you. 12:43am I didnt want anything with her friend, but I needed someone to get me through the pain. Tompkins and I started hanging out with more and more, and we’d go on all those long walks I told you about, well on those walks i’d tell him about my entire life, and I started talking to him about what I was going through, we got closer and closer over time and he started becoming my best friend. It still didnt wipe away the pain. I started smoking pot from my usual once a week to every single day. I’d go to my friendsansons and smoke with my friends heavily. i’m talking 2 or more blunts a day. I just wanted to escape my hellish world, and since that next semester started I only took 2 classes instead of 5 because my depression was so heavy and bad I couldnt do more than that. well I had all this free time so i’d spent lots of time getting completely fucked up all the time. I just couldnt handle the pain. Well I later decided to take shrooms, and it wasnt a high amount, so i just felt sorta confused coming up, and it hit me in waves and i just felt really high with a euphoria, but no visuals really. I tried acid and it was a low dose to, and i barely felt much, it just felt like every time id go in to a different room my mind would change, but it was wayyy weaker than stuff i’ve taken. I did dmt 2 more times and just partied a lot, i really just stopped caring about anything anymore, i’d pretty much given up on myself. I took all kinds of risks all the time, i just felt manic depressive, i had just run wild. I drove high, I went caving, I went on rides, I did all this stupid shit that could have killed me or sent me to jail. Nothing seemed to be changing to much other than Moo Moo and Lukas were official and they were only getting closer, it had been a few months now, closing in to summer, and the pain was still there, I still loved her and was also hating her at the same time. I dont know why I couldnt let go but even my mom noticed that I still couldnt. Well I had talked to a lot of girls but they were all horrible, and not to mention you sorta just compare everyone to that first love it felt like. finally dylans and smith, who were dating got their friend Crazy to come over. well, we started talking, but she was really weird. I couldnt quite feel attracted to her even though she was nice and filled my lonliness a bit. we made out and stuff but she would let me fool around with her, or even touch her back which was weird. finally i let her go cause i just didnt like her. well finally the summer came and i started talking to this redhead clark. I finally felt like i’d met a good girl and we went for coffee and talked for a while. I also started working at ollies finally, which was really hard cause i had to work night shift every night. it was pure labor and it was hell. I hated it so much and i never had a life, and i slept all day, worked all night, and got fucked up when I could to escape. over that summer I was mostly sober due to working and everything i had been trying to escape from for so long was just flooding back in, like i had barely been a month away from the break up. I’d go in to the bathroom having panic attacks and cry, i really thought i was going crazy. not only that but the stuff with drake would haunt me over and over. I know i had asked for help, but the only counselor i was able to see was a preacher and i wasnt opening up to them. The pure hell and pain I kept suffering no one should ever have felt, but i couldnt escape it, and i had grown so far used to getting fucked up off anything i could all the time. I kinda felt when i’d smoke i was more creative so I wrote more, I made a tumblr as an escape. It felt like my writing meant something and people liked it and followed it and commented on it. The more I stayed in this drug and pain world the more i distanced myself from reality and human interaction. I didnt feel like I knew how to talk to people anymore, I distrusted people because of her, and drake, and I hated to be around people. Well the girl Clark didnt want me so my heart was just hurt again. it seemed no one wanted to be with me no matter how many people I looked for love in. Me and big boobs were also becoming closer friends and she told me that her and lukas were apparently having sex now, which she told me she never would when they first were together. I felt sick, I felt like she had finally crossed the line of no return with me. As I drove home I wanted to throw up, I imagined them fucking each other, it hurt so much, i felt betrayed, like that was our thing that we shared together and she ruined the purity of what we shared. I wanted to run my car in to whatever i could, but I went home and cried myself to sleep. I felt no more love after that. just bitterness. So I got drunk and talked to an ex and drove to her house and fucked her. I didnt feel anything for her, i just fucked her and left. I didnt talk to her for a week, but she asked and I told her I cared for her as a friend but i didnt feel anything but i’d still do that with her, and she i feel like actually cared, but she was lonely to so she was ok with that, so I came by just one more time to do that. For some reason being she was the second person I had sex with it made me feel horribly guilty. In some sense I felt like I betrayed Moo Moo even though I was done with that in my head 12:58am I was told about having a court date in the future where i’d finally have to testify against drake about what he did to me, im sorta lost and confused on when all this happened so im piecing it together and how I feel like it was. I finally became friend with Ohl. well, over the summer we sorta both were going through the same painful feelings of a first love break up, for him it had been over a year and he was still going through it. for me it had been about 6 monthes. we connected on what that was like for us. we’d drink and share music and he’d play guitar, play games with me, play pokemon and smash bros. he started coming over a lot and staying the night. I had finally found someone who understood and I could connect with after so much hell. We started hiking all the time, we’d do crazy adventurous things, we camped once, he stole a bunch of cigs, we took ecstasy twice together, we drove drunk once, we’d go to hookah really fucked up a few times, we were a team who matched really well but probably were the worst things for each other in a sense, we both just didnt care cause of the pain we were in. Well, this is also another secret i really havent told anyone, but I had a 3 some with him an this lady who was married. we both had planned on it for a month and got high and finally did, it was really awkward, but a huge thrill. Finally we met jones, that girl u met at the art show whos dating james, well me and her started talking and hanging out at the college a lot, well, she sorta led me on some, and i got Ohl talking to her friend robin. we would go to guys and dolls which my god was redneck and ghetto trash central, and i almost got in a fight there. well we played pool and went out on the town a few times. We also smoked pot with the owner of guys and dolls. well one day we stayed the night at her house and stayed up all night, i drove so deleriously to school that i almost wrecked. well My bro started dating Hope. they had dated like 2 or 3 days, and my mom let her stay the night, well me and Ohl got really drunk and ate mcdonalds and tried to get people to come over, well they didnt, so we asked lauren and robin to come over. well they finally did, they only had a few shots and Jones took her clothes off and was walking around my house naked, well we took her downstairs cause my dad was coming home. my bro and Hope were upstairs just cuddling, and i had met her earlier, well Jones jumped on me and started taking my clothes off and wanted to have a 3 some, but then she was like i have to tell u something, i fucked some guy before i came over. well, that hurt, a lot, i really liked Jones and i had been getting close to her and it made me mad. well i finally just agreed to a 3some cause after that i wasnt going to talk to her anymore. well she got naked, but she wouldnt let me or Sanson fuck her, she made daniel go upstairs and so me and Sanson fingered her, well, she liked when i did it better and said she i was really good at it, derrik not so much, well she jerked us off and in the middle of it we could hear my dad come in. well Ohl and robin were naked on the couch, but my dad was so wasted he fell asleep upstairs. 1:04am Well robin and Ohl started fucking in my bathroom and she was moaning so obnoxiously and fakely loud we started laughing downstairs. My sister knocked on the door asking to use tha bathroom, and she knew they were fucking. well we all laughed about it later and we all fell asleep. after that i made Jones leave the next day and never talked to her again. i was really hurt and just so sick of girls. well me and ohl and my friend Christian hung out alot and got drunk at my house a lot and played games and all got close. after a while wound up talking to my ex Mexico and she was all like im done with this shitty guy blah blah, but then he found out i was trying to get back with her and made that stop, and then she just disappeared. well my brother and Hope had broke up so i asked if it was ok if i talked to her cause i was attracted to her and it didnt go anywhere with them and he said sure, so i started talking to her and we sorta clicked in some ways because she was wanting all the same things as me and we were both lonely and stuff. well. thats a story for another night I feel like i’ve left enough for you.

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jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets · 6 years

Text

Lost in Translation

Title: Lost in Translation

Fandom: Star Trek

Pairing: Mckirk

Rating: Explicit

Tags: minor character death, hurt, little bit of self destruction, stranded, possible smut down the line

Summary:

AO3 Link

Masterlist

A/N: So this is a work in progress but it’s basically finished and I’ve been making great headway with this recently, so this will be the first fic I’ve ever finished! Woohoo!! And I'm thinking that I’ll probably stick to a Sunday post schedule.

Also a little note for y’all to keep in mind while reading. I have tagged this fic “possible eventual smut” and that’s because right now I don’t have any planned buuuuut… I'm going to leave that option up to you guys! Between the readers here and AO3, if you're still with me by the end of this fic, leave a comment and let me know if you would be interested in an epilogue or end scene with smut. I’ll post a reminder at the end, but keep it in mind while reading.

And if anyone is interested in being tagged for future posts for this fic or any others I may post, please let me know and I’ll add you to the list! Thanks for reading <3

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Chapter two

Forty-five days. Forty-five days and still nothing. No sign of the shuttle, or Jim, or the bastards that attacked them, nothing.

“Doctor McCoy!” The desperate cry of his name had his head snapping up from his desk. Mere seconds later a dishevelled looking Vulcan stood panting in his doorway. Leonard hoped, oh god he hoped that this was it, that they had found Jim, but reality was still present in his mind. Jim had been missing on a foreign planet for forty-five days... he was afraid to hope too much. “Doctor, we found him!”

Before he could register his movements, Leonard was launching himself over his desk and running past Spock, the Vulcan right on his heels as he crossed the sickbay at a full sprint. He ran straight for the biobed being pushed in by Chapel and a few other nurses, his eyes instantly searching the screens for vitals. Once he found Jim's heart rate on the monitor, proving to Leonard that he was alive and finally on the ship, his eyes and hands instantly rushed to Jim's face. He was cold, dirty, pale, and covered in bruises and cuts. Some new but many old, he noted. His face was sunk in and he had lost a lot of weight while he was missing, and Len did not like that one bit. He hated seeing his friend, his best friend, in such a horrible state. The usually healthy Jim Kirk always came with a few cuts and bruises, but this… this was a lot for Leonard to take in. But the worst, he thought, were Jim's eyes. Circled in darkness and shut tight, even as he called out his name, were red rimmed and wet. Len knew that could only mean one thing. As Jim lay alone in god knows what state, probably thinking the worst and accepting fate, he had been crying, thinking he would be dying alone on a foreign planet. The thought alone made Leonard's stomach flip, almost enough to make him throw up, but Jim needed him now, he could be sick over it later when Jim was at least stable.

With his hands still holding Jim's face, his fingers sliding down to press against his neck feeling his pulse weak under them, he called to him, “Jim, Jim can you hear me?!” but he got no response, not even the slightest movement. “Jim!” he tried again but he was met with still silence.

As they continued moving Jim through the sickbay, Chapel recited Jim's condition in a steady voice to Leonard. Not only to inform the doctor of his patients condition, but also an attempt to bring Len back to reality and out of the Jim Kirk daze he was currently in. Jim would get through this, but he would need Leonard at his best. “Doctor,” she began “the captain is malnourished, severely dehydrated, and he has several injuries both internal and external that will need immediate surgery… Doctor?”

Without pulling his attention from Jim he responded, “I’ll do the surgeries.”

She nodded, letting him go and following him out to prep herself to aid him with Jim's surgery. Neither saying another word to the other.

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Bones emerged from the operating room ten hours later with a sigh of relief. Jim was stable. The surgery went well, though this didn’t mean Jim was completely in the clear. He still had a long way to go in regards to healing, but the worst of it was the coma. Bones couldn’t tell when Jim would wake up or.... if he would wake up, and that scared the absolute hell out of him.

He didn’t respond, just returned his gaze to Jim as she left the room, closing the door with a soft click behind her.

A knock came at the door and he pulled his hand away. A muffled, “Doctor?” was heard from the other side and Len recognized the monotone Vulcan instantly.

The door opened slowly and Spock poked his head in. Finding Len, he opened it fully and walked in, padd in hand.

“Doctor.” Len still could not bring himself to speak and Spock expected as much. “While you were performing surgery on the Captain I went through the communicator we found on his person when we rescued him. I reviewed all of his entries...” He fiddled with the padd in his hand, stepping forwards and thrusting the padd towards Leonard, “I merged the ships logs with Jim’s in chronological order for the board to review but… I think you should listen to them, Doctor. There are some things in Jim’s logs I think you should hear.”

Len looked at the padd in front of him and shook his head, “Spock, I can’t.”

“You must, Leonard, for Jim.” He pushed the padd towards him again and waited until he reached out a tentative hand and took it.

Before Leonard could say or do anymore, Spock had left the room and closed the door behind him, leaving Len alone with Jim and the padd.

As for our supplies, we have rationed our small emergency kit of food as best we can. But between those of us who survived the crash, the eleven of us remaining, I'm afraid we won’t have much left to last past four days. And our medical supplies are dwindling fast, I... I don’t know how much longer I can keep my injured crew members stable, some of the injuries are far too extensive for my knowledge and lack of supplies... I’m afraid a quick rescue from the Enterprise and Doctor McCoy will be their only hope...”