#jfc this got so long

[lossie92]

"if you think you will get many kudos and comments on a fic, usually the exact opposite will happen" > these do be the facts. Could I request for 17 and 18 of the asks?

Yeah, they are. Very unfortunate facts too imo 😩

And yes, ofc you can!

-

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

Oh boy. That's a tough one. For one, I have so many WIPs, which makes the choice difficult, but also I like to keep a sense of suspense in my stories, which means I don't exactly want to go into detail about a fic before it's fully posted. Don't want to ruin the surprise for y'all.

Because of that I will have to pass on sharing those juicy details about a current WIP. What I can do instead is talk about one of my posted fics and the universe it is set in with mentions of what you may expect from the sequels. 

That fic would be Lemon Meringue Pie in the Smitten verse.

When I was initially writing down ideas for that fic, it was just supposed to me a morning after the wedding night story with some spice, but then it grew on me. 

I started really thinking about Tobirama's thought process, the reasons behind his reactions, his childhood, the way he grew up, his relationship with his own sexuality and gender, and what I ended up with was this story of self-discovery and newfound joy.

Tobirama in that fic goes on one hell of a journey. He is initially confused about his reactions and feelings, because he was never allowed to think outside of the bounds of his conservative upbringing. In a way, this gradual unveiling of truths about himself and the world around him mirrors my own journey, which makes it somewhat personal.

I liked writing this ace spec Tobirama who is suddenly liberated - a Tobirama who is finally free from the rigorous rules and from the limitations of the Senju clan. And it was nice to write him happy too. His relationship with Madara in this AU is very soft and sweet, and playful. It is not without its issues, as the ending of the fic showed, because they both still have to do a lot of learning and what they do know about each other is just the beginning, but there is this sense of joy in the opportunity to find out more about someone you can see yourself caring about that I liked exploring.

In the sequel to this fic, Our Summer Butterflies, I'm planning to explore more of Tobirama's journey of self-discovery. In Lemon Meringue Pie he only just found out that what he is feeling is natural and perfectly alright, and it will take time before he can fully accept it.

Also, Tobirama in this AU is gender fluid and that will also come into play at some point. 

Another important aspect is the matter of Tobirama's trust. He had definitely learnt the hard way that he cannot trust just anyone (Butsuma taught him many lessons and all of them were painful) and he needs to find out for himself that he can trust Madara. Although he is willing to do it in some aspects already, he isn't ready to dive all in. I can tell you right now that Tobirama will be putting Madara through some tests to see if Madara is really trustworthy. 

I'm hoping to start posting Our Summer Butterflies in late Autumn, so stay tuned, I guess? 😅

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

I cheated a little and @wisiaden​ picked the passage for me, cause I swear I instantly forgot every scene I wrote the moment I read this question 🤦

Either way, this is a passage from Looking for Home aka my first published mdtb fic 😅

“When you married Anija... Um, that’s not it, not really. Sorry, I just... Um, when... Well, the anniversary. Your wedding anniversary. The first one. How did it...?” He breathed harshly through the nose, irritated at his inability to voice the question properly. “What I want to know is... Well, could you maybe, um, explain how does one celebrate such an occasion?”

If Mito was surprised, she didn’t show it. Her expression was calm and thoughtful instead, full of kindness.

“It is different for everyone, I think. There is no proper way to celebrate it that has been agreed upon if that’s what you mean.” She smiled at him and squeezed his arm once again, the gesture strangely reassuring. “It is kind of customary to spend time together if possible and some couples exchange gifts. But I know people who do neither. Treat it more or less like just another day, you know? It all really depends on you and how your relationship works.”

Tobirama mulled it over for a moment before responding. “So it doesn’t have to mean anything?”

“No.”

“What if it does... but only to one person?”

“Hmm, an fair point,” Mito said. “But I think only one person can celebrate too.”

“Wouldn’t that be strange?”

“Why?”

“Because it’s...” He bit his lip, a maelstrom of thoughts in his mind as he tried to put his meaning into words. “Marriage is supposed to be about partnership, right? Wouldn’t it be, well, counterproductive to do things like this alone?”

When I was planning this fic, I initially didn’t have a specific idea for a scene with Mito. I did know I wanted to involve her somehow in the story, because I like the idea of her being a sisterly figure for Tobirama, but the inspiration to write this scene didn’t strike until pretty late in the process.

What I ended up writing in the end is Mito and Tobirama discussing, in a way, what it means to be in a good relationship. Tobirama at this point in the story is lost and confused. He doesn’t yet understand why he is drawn to Madara or what his feelings for his husband are and he has no prior relationship experience to fall back on. Despite being so intelligent, he is struggling with this problem and it’s immensely frustrating for him. 

Mito is able to see it, of course. She also suspects the reason why Tobirama is so lost, but she is intent on letting Tobirama figure things out for himself. 

And he does, doesn’t he?

Even though Mito tells him it’s alright to spend the anniversary however he wants and to celebrate it in his own way, Tobirama is able to realise and admit outloud that it is not something he wants.  

He has the right idea of it too. 

Marriage is a partnership. You’re not meant to do things alone.

He also for the first time voices a fear he doesn’t yet fully acknowledge when he asks Mito what if something like an anniversary is only important to one person.

 In this moment he is really saying to her is “what if I love Madara, but he doesn’t love me back?” and Mito rushes to reassure him that his feelings are valid regardless of whether they are returned or not.

Overall, I like to think that this is a pretty simple scene that foreshadows and reveals a lot of things about mdtb’s relationship in this fic. It was pretty interesting to write it too, from what I remember.

-

Weird Questions for Writers

[tizzymcwizzy]

what do you do when you look into your father's eye and all you see reflected back at you is a damned, broken boy

it's finally finished,,, man i spent so long on this holy cow djdbhdgbf i first started this back when clouds on the horizon aired and only just finished it, but im really happy with it!! :D ive never done something this complicated, and at that paint it all as well

also here's some closeups and the full background,

[chaos0pikachu]

Top is Boring & He Didn't Have to Be

tldr: I'm stanning Top outta spite b/c the show won't develop him beyond being Mew's True Love

Hear me out, I have been on the "Top's a fuckboi" train since ep01 and while I don't think that anymore I do miss when Top had a freaking personality.

There's a separate post to make about what I consider mid writing in regards to Top and Mew's romantic relationship, but I ain't getting into all~~ that in this post. The point is, during their relationship both post and pre breakup, Mew under goes change, and is the focal character in that entire story. He's an active participant in that plot and has subplots with Boston and Ray.

Top doesn't. Top exists only to be Mew's True Love at this point. He has no story outside of that. He wanted to get with Mew for selfish reasons initially, somewhere along the line fell in love (which was majority from Mew's POV), and now just wants to win Mew back.

As a character his story has become stagnant: Top starts the series pursuing Mew, post inciting incident he's still pursuing Mew. Nothing's really changed for him as a character he's doing the same shit.

What does Top want outside of being with Mew? We don't know! It doesn't matter. That's his only motivation: to win Mew back. He character begins and ends there.

He hasn't even been given a scene to like, talk about why he loves Mew so much. Or for us as an audience to understand why he loves Mew; let's look at a counterpoint: Sand & Ray.

Textually Ray has said Sand makes him incredibly happy, we've also seen them bond over common interests like music, Sand has been a foundation for Ray's rehabilitation. We've also learned things about them via them opening up to each other. Ray has opened up to Sand about his mother, Sand has talked about his father, he's shared his dream of traveling to music festivals with Ray. I have my issues with Sand and Ray as a couple, but the narrative has made clear why they like each other at least. And been sure to have them both take an active interest in the other (even if Ray was poor touring for a bit).

We've only seen one scene where we see that Mew provided Top with a sense of comfort (with his insomnia), and then like, nothing outside of that. Everything else is from Mew's pov. Their various dates have always had Mew as the focal point, and none of them had Top opening up to Mew or Mew taking an active interest in Top as a person. So we learn nothing about Top by extension. He's just The Ideal.

I originally thought this was intentional, but apparently it was not and just meant to be viewed as straightforwardly romantic. Because they broke up and we still haven't learned anything about Top outside of: he's in love with Mew, he wants to be with Mew.

Hell during their silent dance date I woulda taken Top saying he wanted to be a disco dancer but is pursuing business instead for stability like something! Top also did coke to cope but that was dropped too and even that ended up being more about Mew than Top. We don't see Top bringing up his past coke usage even as a warning for Mew, or cautionary tale, or even like "remember when you told me to stop doing coke and now you're doing coke what the fuck happened Mew??"

All the other characters at least have interests. We know Top draws, but the show hasn't even given him a like "lemme draw Mew like one of my french girls" scene. Or a scene where he like, shows Mew his drawings of his family and talks about them.

Did Top start drawing as an outlet after the fire? Does his family support his art? Does he have any interest in like, exploring art museums, does he want to open his own art exhibit, or travel to see a specific piece or work or anything??

There coulda been a parallel with Boston/Nick where Top's other boyfriends never took an active interest in his art but Mew validates it making it hurt all the more when Mew burns it in front of him later.

Other characters are allowed interests and backstory to enrich them. Nick has an interest in tech, okay now he's interning at an animation/film studio. Ray has his alcoholism recovery storyline, Sand loves music and wants to travel festivals. Boston likes photography. They've all talked about their families at some point and we've met all of their parents at this point (including Mew's even!).

Does Top have parents/guardians or was he an egg? Is he bl baby jesus?

What does Top want? Who is he as a character?

The narrative may have no empathy for Boston as a character, but at least Boston is a fully realized one. He has motivations, a home life, he has interests, he's going to New York, he's selfish, impulsive and genuinely can be a decent person. He's got relationships with various characters that aren't about his relationship with Nick, nor is that all he discusses with them.

Top talks to Cheum, well it's about Mew. Top talks with Ray, well that's also about Mew. Top talks with Boston (post breakup), yeah, that's about Mew too. Even his conversations with Boeing are about Mew. Heck his convos with Sand are about Boeing and Mew so I guess there's at least a little variety there.

I was hoping for Top and Boeing to have like, A Conversation. Clearly Top feels safe enough to rely on Boeing to help him sleep, that would require a certain level of trust right? Or does Top have a rotating list of ex's he asks for help with this? Or not? We don't know he never discusses it! What was Top and Boeing's relationship like post-breakup? Boeing seems bitter, and yet he's also helping Top out with something super personal at the same time?

Does Top have any friends? People he can open up to about, ya know, himself?

I know that people (shippers) probably would've disliked it but I think there coulda been something if Top and Boston actually became friends post-fucked-up-hook-up.

Their consent was violated after all, what if they got to, ya know, actually talk about that? What if at the party Boston and Top didn't talk about just Mew and after Boston's bitchy comments they had a real conversation? We learned something about Top and how he's feeling outside of sad-mew-dumped-him. What if he told Boston about how he can't sleep, so he's been drawing more, and Boston sees Top as like, A Person, rather than a conquest (lord knows Boston needs new friends who won't call him a whore and say he should've never been born).

Or hell Nick?? Maybe Nick could've reached out to Top and been like "sorry I recorded you having sex without your consent bro" and Top could again, talk about what happened to him and how it effected him outside of Mew?? Nick is good at making friends, he's a good listener, he's genuinely sorry about what he did so why not? Nick could've talked to Top at the party, and it would have opened up a chance to get Top's pov on what happened. Top could've made a friend!!!

But nope! Top's only motivations is just to exist for Mew and it's so frustrating. There's a lot of opportunity to explore and expand on his character and the show hasn't given it. Top went from being fun, messy, interesting, to being dull and boring and it's so sad.

Like at this point I'ma stan b/c he deserves better as a character rip

[logosbot-tm]

Not me talking so much about mcr that my friends actually end up listening to their music, whilst going "I thought it was going to be cringe, but they're actually good musicians."

And I'm just like, "Yes!!! I've been saying that for a few years now!!!!!!!!!"

[bromcommie]

Helloho, for the ask game:

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

and

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Thank you! :)

Hi hi, thanks for the ask! <3 🔪 ⇢ oh man, not sure if this is that much of a weird one (or I just don't know what's normal anymore), but I do have several leaked CIA manuals saved as PDFs on my computer?? mostly just bc it's informative & horrifyingly eyeopening in general. I like to research a lot of sociopolitical stuff, or at least I try to, so a lot of highly specific Cold War/WWII/present day intelligence apparatus things tend to end up in my search history. Other than that not to go the "winter soldier + red room umbrella" cop out route, but...winter soldier + red room umbrella. Lots of layman's psychiatry & neuroscience, accounts of drug effects/use, lots of "asking for a friend but theoretically what would happen to your body long term if you had XYZ happen to you and walked away", waaay too much on JFK/other assassinations, lots of stuff on weapons specs and indoctrination and "gangs in St Petersburg in the 1980s?" and stuff like that.

Also like... which kinds of birds were native to NYC in the early 20th century and the relevance of catholic socialism in working class circles and medical papers on the side effects of the use of stramonium in asthma cigarettes, lol. (That might be one of the more specific ones, objectively.)

Again, this all feels pretty typical for Cap fics so idk how weird it is (and it's just a fun learning experience overall and mostly doesn't even end up in the writing) but I feel like my IP's on a lot of very confused yet suspect government lists at this point.

🧩 ⇢ oof, this one is rough. I try to always give fics with a good desc & tags benefit of the doubt, but I've also been around long enough that I can kind of tell if something's going to put me off, y'know? I guess I'm not a big fan of infantilizing adult characters or coddling relationships, especially if it's presented as an unproblematic given. I like softness as much as the next person, and I'm all for protectiveness and loyalty and comfort being at the core of both friendships and romantic relationships, but I like when it's a mutual thing that was arrived at after some time or even after it being a point of conflict/misunderstanding bc people deal with this stuff in many weird, differing, sometimes counterproductive ways.

In stevebucky fics esp while I love that element between them, I'm really not huge on Bucky bundling pre-serum Steve up to hide him away from the mean mean world, primarily because I think it would make Steve want to bludgeon him with a shovel for it repeatedly and Bucky would know that, and vice versa for them post-CATWS + dealing with each other's guilt (+ even and maybe especially the Sam-Steve relationship as it pertains to that as well). Which is not to say that I don't love to read about these conflicts being explored or a good "I want to help you PLEASE let me help you"/"you shut the fuck up and sit in the corner and hold my hand while I deal with my shit on my own" dynamic even if it's borderline unhealthy or codependent at a point - I just think it takes a bit of friction to make it interesting to read about and for it to arrive at a satisfying point in the end.

[inkmaze]

I've had a pet peeve for years and years abt a small thing in media. abt ppl w long hair [basically always women] not tying it up/getting it outta the way when they know they're gonna be in a fighting situation/etc. it's so small but frustrates me so much and happens a shocking amount. wheres the practicality. especially w women who are trained w fighting. hellloooooo?

[trash-bin-ary]

O_O act 5 somehow this has gotten more depressing

[dylanconrique]

oh i hope we get a super soft “i don’t wanna be mad at you” chenford hug and tim wipes away a single tear from lucy’s cheek.

[imwritesometimes]

when you know a little bit abt the history of something you wanna include in your fic and then you do some research and it turns out the more in depth historical facts actually help bolster what you envisioned for the fic

[phoenix-flamed]

Alright, let's see if I can get this all written out. Please bear in mind that this headcanon is written with general Anabella, Clive, and Joshua in mind, rather than based on any specific muses/portrayals -- so don't worry if you don't agree! Naturally, these subjects are going to vary based on interactions with individual muses of aforementioned characters, and based on the headcanons attached to those muses and their personal stories. But this will give insight into how my Elwin thinks, feels, etc., and why he makes decisions he does, be it for better or worse.

Considering this headcanon is going to be talking about my muse's relationships with his family members, which includes Clive's relationship with Anabella -- reader discretion is advised.

This is probably going to be a very long post, which I profusely apologize for.

Let's start with my Elwin's relationship with Anabella. Canonically, we aren't told much about their personal relationship, at least not from Elwin's side. Much of what I pull from for my headcanons regarding their marriage is the bedroom scene at the start of the game and how they interact during it, and Anabella's final confrontation with Clive and Jill, as well as little context clues throughout the game of things that Anabella either says or does.

My Elwin didn't have a necessarily "bad" marriage with Anabella. They were arranged to marry, both as the two eldest children of their respective branches of the Rosfield family, and, due to their close blood relation, as two of the most likely candidates to produce the next Dominant of Phoenix after Elwin's father had passed on. But at least in the beginning, they didn't dislike each-other.

He did care deeply for Anabella, though it wasn't necessarily full-on romantic love, or if it was, it wasn't necessarily the same type that he felt towards the two he had been in a relationship with before his marriage to her. (Obviously the depth of his feelings towards specific Anabella RPers is always subject to vary, depending on the Anabella RPer's headcanons, chemistry between our muses, and how the other mun feels regarding the two!) But he, if nothing else, loved her as a friend and a partner, and he trusted her, even if there were so many things they didn't agree on all across the board. She was not only his wife, but the Duchess of Rosaria -- his fellow ruler, his equal. It was his understanding of their relationship that the two should work together and fulfill their duty as the current heads of the ruling family, which was to faithfully look after for their people.

It was also their duty to teach their children of their family's legacy that would then be passed on to them as well, and to lead them by example of how to serve their people for when their own time came to take over.

When I say that my Elwin was "afraid" of Anabella, please bear in mind that it isn't fear of what she can do to him physically. Elwin wasn't, deep down at heart, an overly confident man, although he hid it well. Beyond his most trusted friends and his brother, the only other person he had shown his "real" self to was his wife. He trusted her enough to let his guard down and take off his mask, so to speak; he trusted her enough to be vulnerable around her, if only in glimpses. As a result, whether she chose to use them against him or not, she knew his weaknesses -- she knew where to wound him with her words and get into his head or appeal to his emotions. She knew how to manipulate him, and conversely, she also knew how to soothe and reassure him.

They were, in short, opposites, but two sides of a coin. And in this respect, and this respect alone, they did fulfill their roles as equals in power.

However, for all of their disagreements on how the duchy should be run and what the future should hold for it, and many other political matters -- the biggest divide between them, at least on Elwin's part, was Anabella's reaction to Clive's "rejection" by the Phoenix, and her resulting poor treatment of him. He didn't, and still doesn't in the post-Phoenix Gate verses, understand how she could base his worth as a person, and his worthiness of her love, on something beyond the child's control. Clive had done nothing wrong; if anything, their firstborn did his very best to do everything right, in order to prove his worthiness to everyone, but especially to her, and to earn her love. To see Anabella continue to shun him as a "failure" despite his efforts broke Elwin's heart each and every time, made all the worse by his father knowing of the rumors started by the other nobles of the court. In Elwin's viewpoint, and whether true or not, these rumors were likely an attempt at disrupting their family's relationship by targeting what could be perceived as the "weakest" part of their marriage. Whether it be for the end goal of planting a seed of distrust on his wife's side, or taking a swing at Anabella's pride and the importance she holds for things like status, reputation, appearances, and most of all her personal duty of birthing the next Dominant of Phoenix... he isn't sure which it might be.

But doubling back to that mention of my Elwin's "fear" of Anabella, this is another instance, and perhaps an even bigger one, where it comes into play: it's the fear of how deeply Anabella's words are hurting Clive, and a fear that with a single wrong move, Elwin could cause Anabella's attitude towards the boy to worsen. In short, it's a fear that his wife may redirect her frustrations or anger or discontent with her husband out on their child, who has himself done nothing wrong beyond being Elwin's son too.

Maybe it's because he sees so much of himself in their eldest son, right down to the fact that they are both "ordinary men" rather than Dominants, and thus have to work hard to make up for the inherent shortcoming in terms of power when compared to a Dominant -- but my Elwin is undeniably incredibly attached to and protective of Clive, even if he has a difficult time of outwardly expressing it. That is his baby, his first ever child, and he can't stand even just the thought of him being hurt in any capacity, be it directly or indirectly.

The subject of Clive and Joshua is an incredibly complex one for Elwin, and it's made even more complicated by his and Anabella's unsteady relationship, which I'll elaborate more on that specific part in a bit.

But first. As much as Elwin may have aspired to overthrow the traditional order and dismantle the societal hierarchy to ensure equality for everyone, including Bearers -- he was still the ruler of a nation, and he was still part of a royal family and lineage. Because of this, no matter how much he may have wanted to just do and say whatever he wanted, whensoever he pleased, the reality was that he couldn't. Even if he didn't give a damn about the opinions of his fellow nobility, and even if he didn't feel like he needed the support and favor of the court, he was still very much a servant to the people of the duchy. During the banquet scene, when Joshua asks why the Phoenix is always born into their family, Elwin explains it's because they, the Rosfields, have been chosen to uphold a duty to the people of Rosaria, which is to share the power granted to their family by the Mothercrystal's Blessing with all of them -- and the way that they have been chosen to do that is through the Phoenix first and foremost, and by using the magic that comes along with it for the betterment of all.

This was a duty that my Elwin held extremely close to his heart. He had been raised and taught and so wholly immersed in this mentality, that the Rosfield family was meant to use their power to serve and protect and guide Rosaria, and that the Dominant of Phoenix was more than just the rightful ruler of the duchy, but was also the symbol of hope and strength for their nation as well.

This isn't to say that he had ever viewed Clive as inferior or as a failure for not awakening as Phoenix's Dominant, or that he only cared about Joshua because he is Phoenix's Dominant. It's the opposite; he loves his boys unconditionally. But he also considered their family's duty of serving their people as something to be proud of and aspired to, whether it be through the Eikon of Fire's power or through swordsmanship and the life of a soldier.

Before the Night of Flames, he didn't understand that both Clive and Joshua needed reassurance on a more personal, emotional level from their father, or that there actually is a distinction between expressing his love for them as his sons versus expressing his love for them as heirs to the Rosfield legacy -- and that these two sentiments, while co-existing, are separate from the other. In his mind, the roles that the two of his boys each played are not what define them or their worth, no, but they were something for the two to each hold their head up high over. They are, at the end of the day, Rosfields, and it was the Rosfield family's traditional duty to carry out this obligation to Rosaria, as it had always been in generations before.

The same way that Elwin adhered to tradition in this sense, as is incredibly fitting for the Archduke of a nation referred to as the "Bastion of Tradition", he also tried to navigate his relationship with his children in a way that supported and encouraged their growth in their devotion to their people. Especially when it came to Clive being a part of the ducal army, and with them having been the ruling family, he felt that he must straddle the line carefully between expressing his love for his eldest son while avoiding showing favoritism or preferential treatment towards him versus the other soldiers. If the message he was trying to convey was that everyone deserves to be treated as equals, then shouldn't members of the royal family(including Elwin himself) be treated as equals with the common man?

He didn't want to be a hypocrite, nor did he want to unintentionally cripple his eldest son in terms of personal growth and strength, nor weaken others' opinions on Clive with the impression that Clive had been handed his esteemed position rather than earned it. In his mind, Clive very much deserved to be respected and admired for his unwavering devotion, perseverance, tenacity, and strength. But Elwin still tried to respect and love him as a person as well, which was why he did things -- or rather, didn't do things such as force Clive to join their fellow soldiers during celebratory events like the feast held at Phoenix Gate.

He knew full well that Clive was full of talent and promise. He saw it in every aspect of the boy -- from his demeanor, the way he regarded and treated others regardless of their status or position, his skills in combat, the quiet compassion he extended to people, so on. He wanted others to see it, too, especially Anabella. Because at the end of the day, there was also the fact that both Clive and Joshua were Rosaria's future, and he wanted his wife to see for herself that the future of the duchy -- and perhaps more -- were in good, capable hands.

This was why, for as many times as my Elwin had confronted the Duchess about the boy's capabilities, he did ultimately make the mistake of encouraging Clive to prove himself to her. He believed that he, even as the young man's father, was incapable of changing Anabella's mind and her harsh opinions about their firstborn son, despite his praise for him and reassurances to her of his skill. If she wouldn't listen to reason, he surmised, then the only alternative was for Clive to outright show her.

Should he have pressed the matter more relentlessly on Clive's behalf, and gone to greater lengths to curb Anabella's harsh, undeserved treatment of him? I personally believe so. By urging Clive to prove himself to his mother, and while Elwin's intentions were good, it was more likely to backfire than to succeed -- especially because of Elwin's turbulent relationship with Anabella. In short, whether he had intended to or not, he had put Clive in a position where he was being pitted against Anabella, and both of their sons were regrettably caught in the middle of the tension between their parents.

The fact that Elwin was so frequently away from Rosalith to attend to business, be it on the political front or on the battlefield, didn't help in the slightest. It ensured that no, he couldn't be there to defend their son each and every time the Duchess started in on him, treated him with contempt, or altogether refused to not ignore his existence.

When it came to Joshua, their youngest son was at a disadvantage with regards to forming a bond with his father. Joshua just happened to have been born during the onset of the conflict with Kanver, when Kanver decided it wanted its independence. As we find out in the Ultimania book, this entire situation lasted for around eight or so years, and at the beginning prompted Dhalmekia and Rosaria to enter an alliance, so that they could work together to stop Kanver from obtaining its goal. Towards the end of the conflict, things had escalated into full-blown war, with Dhalmekia and Rosaria fighting against Waloed after Waloed stepped in to stand against Dhalmekia in particular.

Both Rosaria's history, along with its "present" time, was filled with conflict and struggle. Before the Kanver situation, Elwin had to deal with the Northern Territories and Silvermane choosing to try to invade Rosaria in the wake of their Mothercrystal's death and the loss of more and more of their lands at the hands of the Blight. There was the issue of the Blight in and of itself, and finding methods to protect the duchy from the creeping devastation. Then there were the political relations that needed to be upheld across Storm, and all of these factors were just the tip of the iceberg in terms of responsibilities. They all ensured that, in short, both the Archduke and the Duchess had their hands full, and Elwin was often the one that had left Rosalith to accompany his men onto the front lines.

He missed much of Joshua's young life, and because of that, missed so many vital moments and opportunities that would have given him the chance to forge a deeper connection with the boy. He by no means meant to neglect Joshua, or to abstain from getting close to him emotionally, and he did try to reach out to him. But because he didn't know him in the same way that he had known Clive when Clive was little, because he hadn't been granted the same time and opportunity to get to know Joshua, to learn his needs and understand his thoughts and feelings, and at least to some degree watch him grow through the years -- Elwin struggled. But he did love Joshua, and he never considered Joshua's only value to be as the Dominant of Phoenix. The child was his son first, and the bearer of the Eikon of Fire second.

His decision to take Joshua to Phoenix Gate to have him carry out the tradition of communing with the Rosfield family's ancestors for guidance in the upcoming war with the Iron Kingdom was not a decision made lightly. It was also not a decision that he wanted to make, but it was ultimately a choice between his duty to Rosaria and his love and protectiveness as a father. The fight against Waloed's army, and Dhalmekia's abandonment of the fight -- and subsequent forced retreat by Rosaria -- highlighted one very important problem for Rosaria, in terms of strength and defense: unlike most of the other nations of Storm, they didn't have an Eikon fighting at their side.

His father, the previous Dominant of Phoenix, had passed away so many years prior due to sudden illness, leaving them to have to fight their battles after that point on their own. And even with Joshua's awakening as the next Dominant, Joshua was far too young during that time to go to war with them, leaving them at an extremely great disadvantage. Even Elwin, for as skilled and strong of a fighter as he was, for all of his prowess with a blade, was still just an ordinary man, and his strength would never be able to hold up against that of a Primed Dominant.

And so he had to make a heavy decision, one that he would continue to regret long after The Night of Flames had taken place: despite Joshua being a child, and despite the boy's susceptibility to illness, Rosaria needed the Phoenix with its army on the battlefield, as well as to gain that valuable insight from their ancestors -- because the Dominant of Phoenix was the only one who could enter the Apodytery and perform the ritual to commune with them. Even against the Iron Kingdom, who presumably had no Eikon of their own given their grim views towards Eikons, the Phoenix would give them a much-needed advantage, because remember, Rosaria has been struggling against the Iron Kingdom on and off for centuries by that point for control of Drake's Breath, and each time they've fought, Rosaria has been forced to retreat.

Unfortunately, because of this situation, it also meant that Elwin had to ignore his wife's pleas for him to reconsider when it came to Joshua, and had to ignore his wife's attempts at appealing to his better sense and emotions as Joshua's father.

Now, this leads into another glaring matter:

Elwin loved his family with all of his heart. He really, truly did. However, in the end, without fail, he always prioritized duty to his people, and the people of Rosaria in general, over the needs of his family. It wasn't right, no -- but it was what he believed at the time was right, regardless of his personal feelings. He was, after all, the reigning Archduke, and it was his obligation as both ruler and as a Rosfield to serve and protect and care for his people, no matter the cost. It was what he knew, what he had been shown, what he believed was a necessary sacrifice of a good ruler.

I think I managed to cover everything that I wanted to cover? Uh. You're one hell of a trooper if you've managed to read all of this.

[mooseonabreak]

It’s hard being a sleepy boy in this Be Productive 24/7 Or Eat Shit And Die world

[anachronistic-falsehood]

HE WANTS SIX SONGS IN HE SEASON FINALE???? YOUR HONOUR HE’S INSANE ❤️

[todayisafridaynight]

it’s a rich man’s world until it isn’t

[izzy-b-hands]

Trying to listen to music with non paid Spotify and YouTube and no CDs of what i want to listen to is more like. Well. I'd LIKE to listen to some fucking music, but I'm in ads and malfunctioning app hell instead

[pinkgrapefloyd]

1 for tdims; 4, 5, 10, 17, 18!

thank you for the ask! <3

1 share a song that makes you think of 'there's daggers in men's smiles'

I don't necessarily think the themes match 100%, but I listened to "moon song" by phoebe bridgers a lot while writing! also "coma" by taylor acorn because it has major johnny-unlearning-bullshit vibes.

4 How many WIPs do you have right now?

oh god. if we're talking unfinished works that I haven't abandoned... thirteen. jesus fucking christ. one for good omens, four for frey & mcgrey, eight for cobra kai. but I'm only actively working on about three or four of those right now!

5 What's a fic idea you've had that you'll never write?

hm idk. i usually write something down for every distinct idea that i have. the only one that i currently haven't written anything for is a frey & mcgray idea that plays off the TPLOSH scene where holmes implies he's with watson to get out of being propositioned by a russian ballerina. because i think that'd be juicy as hell with the mcfrey dynamic. but i can't guarantee that i'll never write for it! maybe one day! it's just currently a very basic idea.

10 Is there a fic that got a different response than what you were expecting?

honestly, i was surprised by the sheer amount of readers anti-hero had because I personally don't read WIPs that often. (I know, shame on me, I'm probably missing out on many great works and the fun of reading and commenting as someone uploads!)

and i thought tdims would get a lot of 'cute fic but would have been better with karate' type comments and was really happy people liked the fencing content independently of how much previous fencing knowledge they had!

17 What's something you've learned while doing research for a fic?

My top 3 facts that I've learned during fic research:

in my research about typhoid fever i learned about the worst potato salad of all time, which was prepared in 1898 by a cook in Saarbrücken who didn't wash his hands after cleaning a toilet and subsequently killed forty people with his cooking. yikes.

if you remember the 1982 fencing championship casualty - it was actually a german fencer who fatally injured a ukrainian one (USSR at the time). when russia invaded ukraine forty years later, he took in his opponent's son-in-law and grandchildren.

I bet everyone's sick of me talking about this, but the US Supreme Court case that decided sodomy laws were unconstitutional is called Lawrence v Texas. I just think it's cool that the plaintiff shares a name with Johnny, whose fic I researched that for.

18 What's one of your favorite lines you've written in a fic?

published: it's split between these two (both from tdims. lmao. no i don't have favorite children.)

"Grief makes you into an odd animal that flinches at all sorts of normal things. But of all animals out there, none are as adaptable as humans. You can get used to the unacceptable if you just give it enough time."

and

"The heartbreak burns so brightly inside of Johnny that it called across the ocean like a lighthouse, and now the other monsters are crawling up from the depths of the sea to extinguish him before Johnny's softness can give them a bad name."

unpublished: this line from "worse by the hour" of a character in 1880s scotland coming out to his butler (pretty much the only family he has left). I wrote it and immediately said "bro!" out loud. lmfao. i feel like that means something.

“What if the McGray name dies with me?” “Then it should feel honoured to share yer grave.” 

[huntedvideo]

i had a minor crisis last night / this morning, but we're doing better now.