#joke of a franchise btw by which I mean it’s funny

[highsticking-history]

Limited time only.

[decepti-thots]

for so long I have felt like a weirdo for thinking that the jro pregnancy stuff is deeply unhorny. but I am going to say it now: it's only horny in the way that the alien franchise is horny: there are definitely people who are horny about it, but it's primarily about the non-sexy aspects of pregnancy. i get that it's a funny joke but a non-insignificant people genuinely act like it's "the writer's barely disguised fetish". birth is weird and scary and fascinating, even more so in robots. im probably more defensive about this than I should be but it's kind of upsetting to me that this is where the discussion always ends

I'll put this under a cut so as not to spam anyone's dash bc yeah I went off on this ask haha (positive).

I actually felt so insane about this very topic I ran a damn poll on my NSFW sideblog and the thing is: the majority of folks voting agreed no, it's not inherently, textually horny. (I would know; I know horny when I see it, ffs!) Which vindicated me! Because I agree it's so ridiculous a thing to unironically, sincerely insist is super horny, given the text, lmao.

Like, it's extremely obsessed with pregnancy, but this is not the same as 'a fetish', and tbqh I think the 'fetish' joke just shields any actually interesting discussion of what it's doing. I think the Alien comparison here is actually really telling; it's absolutely a visceral thing, a thing concerned with the body and how it functions, sometimes against our will. And it's not unconnected to sexuality or eroticism in how those things are discussed more broadly, in the sense it's talking about a thing that intersects with those elements in the abstract, but it's not. Like. It's not a "fetish" thing, and if the characters it involved weren't referred to as 'he' in text I think less people would be calling it that, and actually it kinda sucks that every time I bring it up I have to block people who see 'pregnancy mentioned' on my completely sfw posts as an excuse to go off on their personal fetishes in detail, or their desire to speculate on the imagined fetishes of the writer in equally graphic detail. (BTW, it's genuinely uncomfortable seeing people obsessively speculate on the imagined fetishes of a creator, I think. We should all do that a little less in public.)

I mean not to be a total killjoy or anything but like... treating pregnancy in itself, even in the most abstract way, as inherently fetishistic and inappropriate (the people reblogging my innocuous posts about pregnancy metaphors with fucking trigger warnings! 'mpreg trigger warning' being a normalized way to tag pictures that are just Trans Dude Who Is Pregnant!) is uh. I mean we live in a world where pregnant people are often massively marginalized by society period, and seen as somehow inappropriate for public life, and especially anyone who is remotely GNC. Like the idea that something is inherently obscene about a pregnant person is, shall we say, not apolitical. It is in fact a thing that people actually have to fight against in real life. I mean. Fandom doing this to a text that in fact is most notable for treating pregnancy weirdly neutrally in these terms is... frustrating! I think we all lose out when we refuse to engage with weird, funny texts that have things to say about these topics that fall outside our expected frameworks, like, say, 'this is A Fetish TM'. That's limiting! If we want to talk about what IDW1 phase two does with gender, we cannot do that properly if every time we talk about MTMTE we get weird about it doing sexless genderfree pregnancy metaphors, and instead make them funny mpreg jokes, tbh! IDK! Seems counter intuitive! And I genuinely think MTMTE/LL's bizarre approach to the thing is so interesting precisely because it's so odd and offputting. What if we actually examined it. I think we can find some good stuff in there, frankly.

And truly the especially frustrating thing is that the comic itself, for all it is objectively weird and hilarious and 'why the fuck is this even HERE' about it... is just never that. Like. I posted those excerpts because it IS weird and it IS wild and it IS quite funny in its way! It's alien robot body horror in a kids' cartoon franchise turned to an unexpected end! But you know what it actually manages, somehow, to never be? One: weird and misogynist about pregnancy. Two: weird and transphobic about it involving vaguely, ostensibly 'male' characters. Make all the mpreg jokes you want I guess, but MTMTE is many bizarre things but it never gives one single shit about the gender binary, and tbh I think it's genuinely kind of embarrassing the fandom saw a comic that did insane robot body horror pregnancy shit and was like. Okay well. But the mpreg tho.

Like. I've joked for years that I want to do a transmasc read of the pregnancy stuff Roberts did in TF seriously, same as I think a transmasc read of how Alien presents fears around "male pregnancy" in a trans context would be great. And for all my jokes, I genuinely would, actually. I think it's legit very interesting how Roberts manages to divorce the presentation of horror of pregnancy from gender in a way that mitigates the gendered subtext somewhat and gets at the loss of autonomy in a broader sense.

anyway it truly sucks that fandom is so fucking shitty about this. to give a little extra context, i talk about a particular transmasc humanformer AU sometimes that involves pregnancy and. i have had to Delete Some Fucking Asks about that thing, which. well that happens in normal regular real life and people talk about it like a fanfic trope (derogatory). so. i am a little sensitive to people getting Like This about the topic, aha.

sorry i went off on one anon, can you tell. i also find this frustrating. i relate. i am totally with you. god it would be so much less interesting to read it as horny so like, why is this the ONLY MODE we seem to have tbh

[miiilowo]

hey, same anon from earlier here. Idk if you’ve thought of it but, do you have any thoughts about a fnafsb ruin rewrite? I like hearing your rewrite thoughts btw :] I think your ideas are very neat

i dont have any thoughts about a ruin rewrite exactly, but i do have ones for just the base game! so ill. share that here ^_^ sorry if youve alr seen me ramble about this specifically but its more simplified and straight to the point than my previous posts ab it anyways

my copycat killer vanny au is less of an AU and more of a "what if steel wool . didnt. do that: a collection of ideas" and so SB being different is a big big portion of it

First off, lore wise, I'd completely remove william. as much as i love him, im tired of his corpse being dragged around much like everyone else. This means no glitchtrap. Fnaf VR would be non-canon, and purely just be a compilation of games and have ZERO story implications. so it'd go straight from ucn+ffps -> security breach. the pizzaplex would exist because of the fazbear ent franchise package (the same one michael got in FFPS)

Vanny would be a true-crime obsessed freak failwoman who gets a little bit too invested in the missing childrens incident and mr afton as a result. she is homocidal. and unwell. after months (possibly years or more) of being obsessed with william and the murders, she sees that the pizzaplex is hiring, and takes her chance!

In one of the SB endings you can see that theres multiple already missing children listed in a newspaper. I'm sure you can see where im going with this

So. Security breach. My first course of action would be to solve the glamrock issue-If theres no glitchtrap, theres no reason to be aggressive. my solution to this is making it so they have a night mode where they try and find any patrons still in the building after closing time and alert the security guard ((think of all the vloggers posting WE STAYED OVERNIGHT IN THE PIZZAPLEX!?!?!?! (WE ALMOST GOT CAUGHT) videos)). this is bad because the security guard is vanessa

I think for the beginning of the game, we have gregory being caught by her straightaway. he would be upset, but not have a reason to really fear her; afterall, shes just some nightguard. she can take care of him and make sure hes safe, right? lure him into a false sense of security. i want her to bring him to a room (perhaps the vanny hideout in sb), say she has to leave and that she'll be right back. from here, the lights will go out (she shut them off + put on her little murder getup + disabled the security cameras). Now, going back to the missing kids, i like to imagine shes a bit of a freak and hasnt stuffed any of the bodies into the suits yet because she wants to wait until she has enough victims and then do it all at once. Gregory will either see blood or smell a corpse in the vanny hideout, and manage to escape through a vent. from here, the game will take place in the dark. vanny will peek around corners and from railings, always watching you but never quite catching up except for some chase sequences because she likes toying with her prey [which will eventually be her downfall]. You try to avoid her and the animatronics.

Glamrock freddy is a problem. I dont want the glamrocks to be as sentient as they currently are, so i think making them be a sort of shitty chatgpt AI would work wonderfully. It means that glamfred could be very, very, very unhelpful at times, and would leave room for uncanny interactions as well as funny ones, which fnaf is sort of known for. the funnies. the sillies. the jokes. the "dont poop on the floor"s. He would be programmed to protect children above all else, however, so he isn't in night mode like the others are.

In security breach, theres a really fucking good cut plotline about glamrock freddy. After getting all of his upgrades, when vanny disassembles him, he turns against gregory, and becomes an antagonist. i cannot stress enough that this USED TO BE IN THE GAME. we have lines of gregory crying and shit. i would 100% keep this in the SB rewrite. its at this point he would shift into night mode instead of just succumbing to the mind control stuff like before. thatd happen either about 2/3rds of the way through or halfway, with a few stretches of time where freddy either isnt cooperating or is unavailable like in the OG game beforehand

outside of that, i would make the pizzaplex smaller, grimier, and dingier. not the same levels as fnaf 1 of course, but the only super clean areas would be like. the atrium and dining areas. fazbear ent is neglectful and unsafe, the vents and rooms patrons dont go into typically arent gonna be super clean. the kitchens probably only get cleaned when they know a health inspector is coming. lets be real

id also love a heavier focus on liminal space sort of enviornments in the pizzaplex. its an empty 80s themed mall! its the perfect setting for it! they kinda sorta did it in the daycare, but didnt fully commit, and id LOOOVE more areas like that, because in the dark theyd be 100000x more unsettling. the only lighting would be very dim neon lighting for ambience and a flashlight i imagine, maybe one on gregorys fazwatch

i dont have a lot of plot points rounded out overall, just some concepts id throw in there, and i especially dont have an ending planned out. ive never been too big on the sci-fi elements fnaf took on around SL and the release of the books (been a fan the whole 9 years!), so trying to figure out an ending that would lean into ruin and making ruin....not like that . would be a whole. Task. a fun task, but a task nonetheless. i do like ruin quite a bit unlike SB, but it wouldnt mesh well with everything else i have going on here and would be bit out of left field i thinks

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

My thoughts on Trolls 3 & that Adam Sandler Lizard movie Leo (and also my thoughts on Wish)

So there's a lot to unpack here; let's start with the most basic, Trolls 3! It's adorable, nothing bad to say about it, good movie to watch with your family! For once I don't have a lot to say about a DreamWorks film, other than it was so cute and funny. I still prefer the first two but this was great and I loved the songs. I thought the 2D scene was a little bit weird my uncle thought the same. Didn't care for the villains' design but Velvet and Veneer were funny! I like how they had colorful lipsticks tho haha XD anyway, I recommend Trolls 3, see it in theaters if you still have time.

As for that Adam Sandler Lizard movie, it was great! It's called "Leo" and it's on Netflix. It kind of gets heavy when Leo finds out that he one year left to live and when he talks to the kids, it's amazing. I love how they tried to show different types of kids and different struggles they had. One girl talked to much, the other girl whose parents were going through a divorce, there was also a boy who was insecure about his voice and another one who was insecure about body hair, and I even liked how they didn't make the rich blonde popular girl be mean, they even showed her struggle too! There was also this one boy whose mom didn't allow him to play outside and be a kid and he had this drone follow him around all the time, and she even made him wear a hazmat suit inside his house which to me, was the most depressing. The part with the teacher, was on and off. I hated her for most of the movie but she even had redemption. The teacher at the beginning was really nice but it was the old lady teacher, idk man I didn't like her for most of the movie but at the end she's okay. I still think characters get redemption way too easily sometimes. Just my opinion... btw the humor was really good! It had that 90's Nickelodeon type of humor (like from CatDog or Rocko's modern life or Angry Beavers). Like, there were a few dirty jokes and just a few fourth wall breaks. Also, the movie had a good message. I wasn't expecting it to be a musical but it was. Let's just say that the songs weren't as good as Under the Boardwalk, but they weren't bad songs. Honestly, I even think the songs in Wish were better but Leo is over all a better movie and has a way better message.

About my opinion on Wish now, I don't recommend you watch it in theaters, unless you're a really wealthy person who can afford to see movies all the time. I mean, in my opinion it's a waste of time and money. It's better to watch it in the comfort of your own home on a free website, don't even watch it on Disney plus. There's a few reasons why but here's one of them https://www.instagram.com/reel/ but the other reason is because I don't think Disney deserves to make a lot of money form this. Part of me feels bad because I LOVE the character design, and the diversity. I feel bad for black girls, they can't get at least one modern Disney princess who from a good movie. Tiana's movie is old and she ends up marrying the dumb hunk prince when she just wanted to be a restaurant owner, Ariel is racebent but she's pretty cool even tho there's a war over her being black, and Asha's a sweet character but her movie doesn't make sense. Like, Wish's plot was all over the place; at first you were kind of on the king's side but they did make him out to be evil enough that you were on Asha's side. The hardest thing for me to understand was that at first she wanted the king to grant everyone's Wish because she wanted her grandpa to be happy since he was 100 years old, then she wanted to get her grandpa and mom's wishes back from the king, and then she wanted everyone to be happy but I was so lost... the only time I laughed was that one song and it showed the bear and the deer, and they called the deer "Bambi" as a joke, but really, it looked like Boog and Elliot from the Open Season franchise. The dancing chickens was pretty funny too, it reminded me of the Flip flop and fly scene in Chicken Run. Honestly, Wish isn't the worst Disney movie ever, but it's not that good. If you're planning on seeing it, know what you're in for. The story was incredibly boring as well, and the background characters barely had any personality or lines but were still cute (I like Asha's friends, especially the plus size girl in the red and also the girl with the yellow dress and blue thing in her hair). And like, the best thing about this movie had to be the character designs. Not only did it show race and skin color diversity, but it showed body type diversity as well! Some shows and movies just show skin color diversity and make the plus size characters the joke (like **cough cough** Total Drama show) but this movie actually have TRUE diversity! It's a shame that the story's a disaster because the designs were a 10/10... as for the story, it's a 4.5/10.

We've come to a conclusion. Watch Leo on Netflix and if you don't have Netflix, you can use kisscartoon, actvid, or whatever other free movie website you have. If you want to watch Wish I don't recommend seeing it in theaters but I'm not stopping you. (Please click the link to the video I sent). Also, Wish is better than most of the old Disney movies, don't go comparing it to peter pan or something, we know that movie's outdated and way worse than Wish. If you're a Trolls fan or just have any interest in seeing Trolls 3, GO SEE TROLLS 3 in theaters! I recommend it! And also, if you have any thoughts, whether you agree or not, just let me know. Even if you have different opinions than me, just let me know!

[twenty-words-or-less]

Top 5 Best Films of 2019

Okay, so I don't normally do this, but I've seen so many films this year that I thought I would summarise them by making top 5 lists. This one deals with my top 5 best (or favourite) films of the year.

IMPORTANT: I shall keep these as spoiler-free and short as I can.

5. Midsommar

A film that feels like it was made by a 50+y/o European that was actually made by a 30+y/o American. I initially thought it was kind of 'eh'. However, it did lodge in my head, and the more I thought about it and the more analyses I read/ watched, the more I liked it. It grew on me much like grass grew on our poor beleaguered protagonist in the numerous hallucinations she has over the course of the film.

4. Booksmart

Like the female answer to Superbad only with zero period jokes (thank fuck). Legitimately funny, rewatchable, and the lead characters have great chemistry. Shame that only ten people saw it, but roughly seven of those people - including [REDACTED] and I - enjoyed it immensely. Special mention goes to Billie Lourd, who was a fucking delight to watch in every scene she was in.

3. John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

A coherent, beautiful-looking action film that manages to be as good as its predecessors, which is highly unusual in a film series. I still care about the characters at this point, and I'd be happy to follow these characters through many more installments.

2. Doctor Sleep

The only TRULY good 2019 Stephen King adap, do not @ me. Despite one incredibly distressing scene, I would probably buy this on DVD or at least rewatch it. It's good to see Ewan McGregor get work again, especially as a ravaged, PTSD-ridden Dan Torrance, and it's fantastic to see Rebecca Ferguson get good work after the shitstorm that was "The Snowman" and the dull-as-fuck, grossly overrated "The Greatest Showman". Again, it's a shame that only five people saw it (basically). Genuinely good film.

Honourable mentions before we get to my #1, in no particular order:

Ready or Not: Samara Weaving gives it her all in this blackly comic slasher. I want to see her in more things. Also, on a more superficial note, her wedding dress in this was really pretty, even ripped to shreds and completely soaked in blood.

Crawl: A surprisingly good creature feature that was an absolute blast to watch. Also, the dog lives, which I am very happy about.

Knives Out: the best thing Rian Johnson has done since Looper. Strong cast and beautiful to look at (the film, I mean, not the cast), even if I did get a little lost near the end. Oh, and it automatically improves lad culture if you change the title to Get Your Knives Out For The Lads.

Child's Play: a remake that actually managed to update the setting and keep the things that made the original, well, the original? Holy shit. Also, the end credits song is incredibly catchy.

Avengers: Endgame: as anyone who knows me knows, I'm a slut for superhero films. Long as this was, it stuck the landing; it was a 3hr thank you for sticking with the franchise despite most of the films being 'eh'. Also, I LOVED Cap's ending, just saying.

And now, the most important one...

1. Brightburn

Or as I like to call it, We Need To Talk About Kal-El. Jackson A. Dunn was uncannily perfect for the titular role and the gore effects were fantastic (the car scene in particular). It works as a standalone film and the groundwork for any sequels, which I would happily go and watch, btw. I'd been looking forward to this for months, and I got exactly what I wanted from it. End of.

Whew, this turned out to be longer than I anticipated! Thanks for reading if you made it to the end. This has been my top 5 best; I shall post my top 5 worst later today (I'm seeing "Cats", and I anticipate it making the list). 🎵 Stay tuuuned... 🎵

~Mikey

[digitalgate02]

Oh boy, honestly i do get people love to mock Sonic Team staff and such, but i feel like some things are going off the rails sometimes

Like, i get it, them denying Vegeta's influence in the character might be weird, but being honest... I think they meant they wanted Shadow to be seen as Shadow. Sometimes when your design influence starts getting your creation reduced into the reference, you start just getting REAL TIRED of those. Tbh the ups and downs with Shadow's character are more likely to come from bad decisions for localization than the source.

So today's released video interview about Shadow… I think the jokes were funny and such, some peak good humor right there. But i was concerned about the interview. I decided to take a look at it and it didn't seem to be THAT bad?

Especially about Shadow's goals and personality.

People have to understand that the "routine care" part was basically a silly joke. Most of the answers at the Twitter Takeover are a bunch of jokes for funsies. But the "doesn't have a routine hair care" ISN'T in a bad derogative way, it's the opposite.

By what i get with that answer is that... Shadow does not care what others think about him. If he's smelly or messy or good or bad looking, etc. THAT DOESN'T MATTER FOR HIM. Shadow only cares about his own opinion (and Maria's imo)

Also about him being "jobless"... the interview also points out his only purpose is to protect the world Maria loved -- it was his promise to her. It tracks with his character. What is said is that he has no affiliations to a side or org. He can work with anyone in order to protect the world.

Tbh i think this could mean some retcon in something else from the past -- considering that they did a HUGE rewritten on everyone's personalities and roles previously (which i still think were GOOD imo) As long it's a good change, i'd not be complaining here.

Btw one more thing: I do think it's disappointing and sad to hear that Shadow and the Team Dark are not "friends", but on the other hand it makes sense and the reason they differ from Sonic, Tails and Knuckles imo. Team Sonic is a group of FRIENDS basically.

Meanwhile, Team Dark is a group of people with the same interests in common, and they work together on a professional level. Still it does not mean they hate each other and are forced to work together, it's just they're not the type to be buddy-buddy with each other.

Shadow does care about Rouge and Omega, yet he prefers to keep minding his own business just like those two would prefer it as well. But he won't be doing the same things as Sonic does, imo.

They're allies mostly, if i got this right.

If you know me well enough, there's things i agree and disagree with staff of many franchises, so i'm not trying to defend Iizuka/Sonic Team here. I just think this one interview was not bad at all.

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Second of december and i also still have some halloween decor up, so dont worry, youre not alone🎃 and btw, your idea with the greta x scooby crossover is amazing, i have always loved scooby too

Since you mentioned it, who do you think the boys would play in scooby doo? And why?

A bit similar to the first question, but im curious, who do you think would play the boys in a biopic about their lives?

You said that you do a friendsmas with your friends in january, do you have any certain traditions or just fun stuff you like to do?

What do you think the boys' favorite traditions are on christmas?

Back to horror movies (i just love talking about horror movies), who do you think would be ghostface in the scream franchise?

Probably gonna do a horror movie marathon today, cause now im in the mood. See you again tomorrow

-Secret santa🎅🎄

Hello again Santa! 😊

1. Josh would definitely have to be Fred since he’s always asking “how’s my hair?” Danny would be Velma for obvious reasons. Which leaves Jake and Sam. Initially I’d think Jake would be Shaggy but I think Sam fits better and Rose would be Scooby! So that means Jake would be Daphne which I am not at all mad about. If I was the type of writer to do crack fics I think it would be funny to make something about them attempting to solve mysteries but keep getting it wrong or get into more trouble than do any good. Quick someone indulge me!

2. I think I’ve actually had a similar conversation with someone about this. We were talking about a Harry styles fic being adapted into a movie so the idea came up about a Greta fic being adapted and I said Timothée Chalamet would be Sam as a joke 😅 but for the others I think Jake would want Johnny Depp to play him even though that’s absurd. I honestly have no idea about Danny and Josh. Anyone want to chime in about this?

3. Well the tradition is Friendsmas we go to one of my friends houses every year and this year we’re going to Denver so I’m super excited because I love Colorado! We also do a secret Santa every year among us and I have no idea what I’m going to do but I usually hand make my gift so I better get on that soon 😅 (I’m thinking maybe a personalized Coraline doll)

4. Danny’s favorite is wearing Christmas ugly sweaters. Josh has to make the egg nog cause no one else can make it right. Jake I think would actually like everything involved with stockings whether they make their own every year like we did, or they have special ones they use every year, and he likes putting silly little treats in them. Sam would be the one not helping with anything because he’s tearing the house apart trying to find where the presents are hidden

5. Jake. Definitely Jake

Nice talking to you! See you later ✌️

[threephantomrey]

my thoughts on Scooby the Barbarian/No Sharking Zone and Alien Invaders:

Scooby the Barbarian/No Sharking Zone:

• first thought was “omg this was when Daphne came back after 3 seasons of just Shaggy, Scooby, and Scrappy”

• i like Daphne being the leader in this group. i think she is a good leader and it makes sense for her to be the leader in this group of 4.

• i liked the part where Daphne had Scrappy stand on top of her head to reach the keys outside of the prison cell. smart. (in Scooby the Barbarian)

• Daphne being a reporter is cool imo and so is the fact that this is the first episode in which it’s revealed that her last name is Blake (in No Sharking Zone)

• overall, this was a solid start to the Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby, and Scrappy part of the Scrappy era

Alien Invaders:

• really liked how the movie opens in space, i mean i know obviously it would since it’s a movie about aliens, but the way they designed it was really nice

• Crystal is a nice person. tbh if she was real i’d be friends with her, her vibes are great.

• unrelated but when Shaggy was describing the aliens that he and Scooby saw to the gang, i was thinking of that episode of Spongebob when Spongebob was describing the Alaskan Bullworm (“it was big! scary! and pink!”)

• didn’t like the part where Shaggy and Scooby were kissing after the “How Groovy” song ended. tbh i never found this joke funny idk why they’ve done it multiple times throughout the franchise. also really did not like the part where Shaggy ate food off of the floor after Dottie dropped it… Shaggy please don’t do that it’s gross and you should know this by now.

• “How Groovy” is a BANGER btw. so so cute and overall just a fun song. if i ever get married, i want this song to be played at my wedding.

• i liked Velma, Daphne, and Fred’s outfits in this one. it’s always nice to see them wear outfits that are different from what we’ve seen them wear in the past but still have their signature colors

• the ending is heartbreaking :/ i knew Crystal and Amber were going to have to leave Shaggy and Scooby because they’re aliens (their alien forms are amazing btw) and because i’ve seen this movie multiple times before but it’s still so sad to see every time i watch it. i’m glad Shaggy and Scooby were able to get over it though. and Fred crying at the end is such a mood. this was a great movie overall imo i enjoyed it.

will be posting my thoughts on Ghosts of the Ancient Astronauts and Cyber Chase tomorrow :)

[littleeyesofpallas]

Bleach - Snake Name Games

Still mulling over where exactly I want to take this series of posts [1][2] after being asked about interesting zanpakutou names.  I was just gonna do a short blurb about Sarugaki Hiyori’s Shikai at first, but there are a lot of weird vaguely adjacent characters, so this one’s going to be kind of aimless...

Her sword is Kubikiri Orochi[馘大蛇], written with the kanji for 馘:“Decapitation,” 大: “Great”/“Big,” and 蛇:“Snake.”  Viz translates it as “Head-Slicing Serpent” which is kind of a weird choice, but other than missing a specific reference, it’s not technically that big a mistranslation.  But of course there is a reference, because Orochi [大蛇] isn’t just the words “Big Snake” it’s a reference to the mythological creature, Yamato-no-Orochi[八岐大蛇].

The Yamato-no-Orochi sees a lot of exposure in pop media.  It’s an enormous snake with 8 tails and 8 heads spanning the length of 8 hills and valleys, red eyes, and moss and cypress trees growing on it enormous back, and a belly that is constantly bleeding and inflamed.  The Orochi would annually devour the daughters of a village, until it was defeated by the god, Susanoo.  It was tricked into drinking itself to sleep and then beheaded eight times.  From its corpse, Susanoo retrieved the legendary sword, Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi. 

The fact that the kanji 馘 isn’t commonly used makes it kind of confusing to parse as part of a name at a glance.  But I do recognize the more common, Kubikiri[首斬り] which is the noun “Beheading” (as in the act there of, not the verb) or just “Decapitation.”  But I’ve also seen it translated (granted with some liberties based on context) as “Executioner.”  Alternatively, Kubikiri[首切り] also means “Beheading”/“Decapitation” but apparently can refer to “a small samurai sword used for decapitation.”  So, I think the meaning that the name was supposed to convey was,

“Sword-for-Decapitating Giant[8-Headed]Snake”

...and not, “A Serpent that Slices Heads” the way Viz wrote it out.  Which makes sense given that the sword itself is a giant serrated cleaver/saw, appropriately sized for cutting off the head of a giant snake.  While the mistranslation would suggest her spirit to be the Orochi, this reading makes it sound more like her spirit is Susanoo himself?  Which is a curious idea...

But there's a little more going on here...  Because at some point or another, there became kind of a recurring trend of the Orochi being depicted as a white snake, which has vague associations with the Lady White Snake myth, from China.  In fact Hakujaden[白蛇伝]:“White Snake Story” (Arbitrarily localized in English as, “Panda and the Magic Serpent”) has a particular special place in Japanese pop culture as it was the first ever full color anime film, in 1958.  It was a big influence on an early generation of animators, including Miyazaki Hayao.

In it a young boy is accidentally involved with a magic snake being fed immortality granting medicine, which amplifies her existing magic by multiple lifetimes.  She is grateful to the boy for it, and after he grows up the two meet again, the snake being in the guise of a woman, and they fall in love. (That’s the real REAL short version anyway...)

And this is just me going out on a bit of a limb, but I feel like the random intersection of these two myths is where a lot of Orochi characters who are also shapeshifting humans comes from, because the actual Orochi never had this association with being a white snake, having magic powers, or taking on human form, yet it seems to be the prevailing role of Orochi characters in pop fiction.

Also, equally unrelated to the actual Orochi myth and the Lady White Snake myth, some renditions of the Orochi make it a fullblown dragon rather than just a monstrous snake.  I don’t know that this comes from anything in particular, other than just wanting to amp up the threat factor of the Orochi to make Susanoo look more triumphant as a hero...  There’s some possibility that it’s a conflation of the Nine-headed Dragon God, Kuuzuryuushin[九頭龍神].  Funny enough, I’ve seen Kuuzuryuushin drawn as a nine headed snake instead of a dragon as well...

In fact Kubo’s already has one character who seems to be associated with the Lady White Snake myth: Cyan Sung Sun.  Her Resurreccion, Anaconda is written with the kanji [白蛇姫]: “White Snake Princess,” which is a conspicuous name for anyone familiar with the very well known myth.  But I think we all remember someone else who is associated with White Snake imagery...  Ichimaru Gin.

There’s not actually a lot of word play with Gin and snakes.  His name is a homonym for “silver” like his white/silver hair, and his “fox-eyed” look is actually leverage to be more snake-like a lot of the time, so those two bits together kind of orbit around the idea of a White Snake theme.  And of course he spends most of the series living up to his cold-blooded, treacherous, viper-waiting-to-strike kind of persona.  But it’s not like he or his sword have any snake themes in their names.

Whether or not Kubo had plans for Hiyori to have a more substantial confrontation with Gin, we’ll never really know.  Sadly the one we got didn’t last long and wasn’t particularly exciting or satisfying.  But it was an interesting brief moment during the weekly publications.  And if anyone’s in need of some fanfic prompt, I’ve always been kind of fascinated by the idea that there could have been a parallel between Gin’s relationship with Rangiku and the boy and Lady White Snake of myth, with Gin in the role of powerful snake indebted to and in love with the normal mortal who unknowingly helped them gain great powers.

But while we’re on the subject...  There’s another white snake loitering around the Bleach franchise: One half of Zabimaru...  sort of...

This one is weird, because by all rights it was the anime, not Kubo, that set the precedent of Zabimaru having white fur and a white snake tail.  Zabimaru, btw, is a mythical creature called a Nue, which is supposed to have the head of a monkey, the legs of a tiger, body of a dog, and a snake for a tail.  Zabimaru doesn’t quite fit that full description, as it’s predominantly just a baboon with a snake tail, and Renji’s tribal tattoo pattern substituted in for tiger stripes.

But the one time Kubo actually colored in Zabimaru himself was part of a joke omake comic (where Renji and Hisagi find out, in the aftermath of Renji’s fight with Byakuya, that Mayuri can apparently perform cosmetic surgery to zanpakutou) and even though they’re only imagining a busty Zabimar as a punchline, Kubo made the fur what I think was supposed to be an olive green/grey, which matches the description of the Olive Baboon’s fur.  The anime sort of took that and drifted more green when they adapted the omake, and then drifted it even further when the Zanpakutou Rebellion filler arc brought zabimaru back...  In the end her fur looks both nothing like the original color and nothing like the anime’s white furred Zabimaru.

So, hand-in-hand with that, it seems kind of arbitrary that they made snake boy white, apart from the previously mentioned associations of Snakes-in-Human-Form as a trope and Lady White Snake.  But I figured if I didn’t mention it someone might ask, and oddly enough it is more of a coincidence than anything else, at least as far as I can tell.

Correction: I totally forgot, when Renji gets his True Name Bankai from Ichibe he appears to have a “mode” where the snake spine that is normally looped around his waist like a belt unfurls to the call, Orochi-ou[オロチ王]: “Orochi King.”  So there is a direct reference to the Orochi, although weirdly it’s only in kana and not kanji?  But I have no idea for what reason. And in any case, the second bankai came after the anime created snake boy, so it’s entirely possible it was just Kubo riffing off their continuity rather than something he’d had in mind when he made Zabimaru the first time.

Funny thing: Hiyori’s surname, Sarugaki[猿柿] is written with the kanji for monkey[猿], something she points out herself when she’s first introduced. (I did a whole rambling thing on the Visored’s names too, naturally...)  So she and Renji both have associations with monkey and orochi imagery.  It’s kind of a shame Hiyori and Renji never even got to be in the same room for their wild type routines to interact.

[milarvela]

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Barrowman? + A Response to Nerdrotic

I like this video. A few thoughts:

What stopped two grown women from telling Clarke that it’s quite enough of that demonstration, end it now? They weren’t new to show business, young, inexperienced etc. Seems to me they were getting uncomfortable with Noel’s inability to stop before it got embarrassing, rather than being affected by bad memories or whatever.

If you talk about alleged harassment from 2004 in 2021, shouldn’t you at least have an excuse for why it took so long to come forward? Were you in coma all that time? Aren’t you ashamed of letting this man continue to harass others because you waited so long before speaking about it? What sort of person unashamedly talks about something like that as if nobody else matters? Shouldn’t you instead be quiet and grateful that nobody found out that you were harassed but didn’t say anything? I don’t understand how these people think.

Who was the assistant director complained to? What’s their name? Why is it okay to name Noel Clarke but not the higher-ups who failed at doing their duty properly?

Same goes for that supervisor type.  

That David and his impeccable behaviour helped rein things in to a certain extent makes it sound like it was Christopher Eccleston who caused most of the trouble during s1. Or were there other changes too except his leaving? Weird, because I had the impression that Christopher wasn’t happy with the goings-on on the set, while David laughed along and even sang about John’s willy-waving later.

That neither of them has as far as I know said a word in defense of Noel/John is quite something. Nor have they spoken against them. Silence from the companions too. Basically the only conclusion from this is that they’re all fearing for their own careers. And nobody’s apparently even asking them to comment on this? How nice and considerate of the media to leave them be. The Guardian tried to get comments from Coduri and Badland, as if that fan event was the main thing in this saga and those two the biggest enablers or something.

Eve Myles? I don’t remember even hearing her name before last week but apparently she is famous for not realising that John Barrowman was assaulting her that one time with his penis. Lol, I guess she’s remarkably stupid or there’s some major patronising happening. Could be both.

Nobody’s hopefully saying that touching random co-workers with a penis is an okay thing to do. But if she didn’t complain, why is it now a big deal? I don’t know if she’s made a statement about it but I imagine it’d be pretty difficult. Either she’s going to sound like she thinks what John did was cool and that’ll get her hate or she’s going to say it wasn’t cool and she’s that coward who failed to report the incident.

BTW, whatever happened to Russell T Davies? He said he never saw John’s penis and that’s all there is to it? Why, everybody’s so accommodating and kind and understanding of his pain due to this terrible neglect. Apparently it would’ve been quite a sight. So very inconsiderate of Barrowman to leave the showrunner out of the fun.

Seriously though, I think it gets hopelessly hilarious, this detailed, belated  outrage for what Barrowman did. Yes, it’s terribly pathetic and attention-seeking and juvenile (which he wasn’t), and the joke or whatever must have gotten old fast. But they all knew about it at the time. Now it’s all pretense and hypocrisy or silence from those who were there. Except this Julie Gardner who, if not lying, acted exactly how one should after receiving a complaint.

That it didn’t end there wasn’t her fault unless she got more complaints and did nothing about those. She’s not responsible for John’s behaviour elsewhere later. Honestly, there must be some fancy name for this willy-waving compulsion. Can’t Barrowman get some shrink tell everybody about it or possibly just claim mental health issues? That should get him sympathy these days and it might not even be that far fetched. Lol, he could even come out as nonbinary to confirm that.

Can’t help thinking though that he must have gotten more than the pleasure of making people laugh out of it. If not sexual then some other kind of satisfaction. Like maybe seeing the alarm in the eyes of some young woman. Mean streak.

Eh, that celebrity show (I always thought those were for has-beens and wannabes) article could just be promotion.

David Tennant isn’t saying anything even as they refuse to release a thing with him in it. Why? All he has to do is to make a “it was all in good fun but maybe a bit foolish and thoughtless” statement and add something about how fans needn’t be punished because of whatever else is happening. But no. What a coward. Well, I guess he got paid and the rest doesn’t matter. Which is fine. Maybe he should donate the money to a fitting cause now that his colleague has been exposed. Nevermind that he had nothing against working with said colleague until what must have been quite recently. All the time knowing what he did/does.

Generally speaking, I think it’s a remarkably bad idea to remove or not show finished stuff regardless what the people involved may have done. Way too complicated to ever be fair or consistent about these things. Utter idiocy. And some fans get carried away with their defending of and excuses for their favourites.

Couldn’t it be okay to admit that if somebody fucked up, it really was a fuckup but still be a fan?

I suspect the BBC may just be looking for reasons to cancel Doctor Who. I mean reasons other than waning popularity. And these kind of scandals don’t really make the franchise stronger. I guess Mr Tardis is a dedicated fan and needs to be positive about it. So fair enough. That teaser trailer certainly would be welcome, I agree. Although not everybody interested in the Clarke/Barrowman situation cares about the show.

I’d love to know the number of people who’ve been driven out of showbusiness because of unsafety. That all these allegations come, like in some big cases before, years after harassment/whatever started suggests very few are concerned about their safety as long as they are promised rewards for tolerating all sorts.

Safeguarding seems to be a fashionable word. Just give everybody bodycams. Brains could be useful too. At least teach everybody what to do/say when someone is harassing them. And stop with the victim-playing years after something allegedly happened. Or have a good excuse for the delay. Not getting what you expected and feeling disappointed afterwards isn’t enough.

People will want to defend their favourites. It’s kind of fun seeing how far they will go with it. There are nuances sometimes but it’s best to be an honest fan or move on.

As for Nerdrotic and his fellow whiners, eh, if they and their audience shouldn’t be allowed in a workplace (okay, I’m not sure if Tardis really meant it what with that voice he did) for not condemning the likes of Noel/John, surely the same goes for the people who worked with those two and allowed them to do what they did?  

Don’t know why he’s still demanding apologies from Barrowman. He’s done that and even acknowledged this current outrage caused by his “tomfoolery”. Poor fucker has had nobody accusing him of anything, so I guess he needs to apologise to those who were never there and had no opportunity to witness his willy-waving. So funny. Maybe he should make a video where he demonstrates how it happened. Might prove more profitable than some audio thingy with David the coward.

[amisbro]

Alright let’s talk about it again

So on twitter recently I saw someone talking about how UtaPri became “divided” as it were.  This is funny to me because of the fact that I literally made a post about this on here not that long ago and so I thought we would have this discussion again “Is the fandom actually divided?” I mean to a degree...yeah you can say that and I don’t like writing that but its something which is an unavoidable truth. The biggest reason for this is well...because HEAVENS has become a fixture in the series and I can guarantee you that if they hadn’t the fandom would have been a lot closer and more unified because you wouldn’t have the camps that want to see HEAVENS more involved in the franchise and those that have been pretty much indifferent to them as is.  This has caused a bigger clash than it should have because...a lot of the time now when things get announced you will more than likely start to see people go “Where’s HEAVENS?” And I mean look...I get why people get annoyed with this because you just want to enjoy the content without hearing this a lot.  I respect that actually but we still need to understand this: As long as HEAVENS is included in the series there will be people that want them included in more media beit an Anime season ,their own Stage , A VN etc etc etc so if you are sick of hearing it I do apologize but you have to understand that not REALLY getting the content that say a QN or a STARISH gets is pretty annoying.  I’m genuinely shocked that Broccoli included them in the Prince Cats line and more surprised that Int’l fans didn’t pitch a fit because of the fact that they are included on the announcement in the UtaPri twitter instead of...you know...on their OWN twitter?! Now if you think this is harsh cool...I get it but the thing is that ,when it comes to Shining Live, there are projects or songs that have had HEAVENS in them and then KLab doesn’t include (at the very least) the songs which is weird!  It’s almost like SL tries to write this Canon where HEAVENS doesn’t exist even though they have to promote a CD project that might have had songs for them IN IT! The PERFECT example is this: So we had the songs “SUPER STAR” “This Is...” and “GENESIS” (not the band but HEAVENS’ song) released and of course the big thing they did WAS...release the first two but...not include the third What happened? Well of course apparently people got irritated because of the fact that (I guess) people wanted the HEAVENS song to be included and the fans from the STARISH/QN contingent got annoyed with it.  I get it trust me and I respect that people got annoyed but what we need to also remember is that was literally a song included on ONE DISC!  It’s not like the song was a separate song (Like GIRA SEVEN and Secret Shangri-La were) but it was a song on one disc.  The song doesn’t get used and I guess that people were irritated. Now the argument that is always heard is “Well its called Shining Live” It is...and I wonder if we have started to see a drop off because of that branding? Like okay look..,we get that people will say that HEAVENS is “too new” or “They don’t have enough songs” but I would like to remind people that HEAVENS as a whole has been around since about 2013.  The original Incarnation debuted on 6/6/2013 so that is what we go by there.  Now if we go with the argument of “They don’t have enough songs” Well really who’s fault is that?  It’s clear that Broccoli spends a lot of time getting Agematsu to write songs and so forth for STARISH and QN so of course they have a lot more songs...when you literally have only one CD a year (Group CD kids) its harder to build up a catalog of songs for HEAVENS. But this goes into the whole thing about the fandom being “divided” YES the fandom has this problem and it won’t be going away anytime soon I’m afraid.  Literally it will go away when one of two things happens 1.  The series ends 2.  HEAVENS gets closer to proper representation in the franchise...if I am honest the former seems more likely It is also fascinating to see that its been...6 years since we had a proper VN for the franchise and if we remember the inclusion of HEAVENS in Dolce Vita was announced back in 2017 and if I remember the hype for their inclusions was about that of the “explosion” in the Omega/Moxley Barbed Wire match...in simpler terms it was basically sparklers!  Trust and believe though if that had been an announcement of a new STARISH VN there would have been hype for weeks about it! The problem here is that the fandom on the whole (Japanese and International) seems “Okay” with the concept of the two “Main groups” getting all the content while HEAVENS fans gets scraps.  Literally the frustration that has to be bottled up because fans of HEAVENS are basically told to “be quiet” is like the worst part of it.  It would be NICE if instead of that happening the fandom tried to get “close to equal treatment” for all three groups and then maybe this “division” I read about in a tweet would go away.  The problem is every time it feels like it could some drama starter has to take a blog post from here and remind people about the “NEXT DOOR Mess” (which I have moved past for the most part btw) and instead of moving the hell on and trying to welcome HEAVENS fans into the fold...that part doesn’t happen (or at the very least) not on the Int’l side.  It would be nice to not have to have drama and just have people enjoy the series and not have to have group chats on twitter that are basically “HEAVENS fans group chats”.  It would be nice instead to have GC where we can all chat about the series and things we are looking forward to (I ,for one, am looking forward to the next step of the “Road to 7th Stage” myself) but we have to get rid of the division.  Trust me when I tell you I don’t want to be talking about this again this time NEXT YEAR! Somehow we have to become a “Family” (or the closest thing to it) again and do I know how we are going to do that?  NOPE but I am open to suggestions. Here is something I feel I need to clear up Do I have my bias in the UtaPri series?  Yes and we know who it is Do I hate either of the other two groups?  No and if you honestly think that then that is a YOU problem! Do I still enjoy the series for what it is?  Yes of course but again I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have my group and I want the best for them.  Some might argue that is what is detracting for it and you know what?  You might be onto something but I am stubborn to a fault...I’m a Gemini so that is basically a given sadly. Let me end on this Am I excited for the next “Project” for UtaPri?  I’m more curious to understand what the hell it actually is! Am I excited for 7th stage?  I mean yeah since its been 4 years plus since we had one!  Like no joke the last time we had one TRUMP was in office!  Ponder that for a second.  Trump was in office and Brexit happened in the same year (I remember that too.  Watched it on facebook when they had the Leave/Remain vote). Am I excited to see the next “Pure HEAVENS” project down the line?  We shall see.  I’d prefer an actual Anime project but if they get something like whatever STARISH and QN will get then fine.  I just need to understand what the hell it is! You know what I am most excited for?  The day when we can stop being basically the “Shining Agency” camp and the “Raging Entertainment” (HEAVENS) camp and just be a family again...let’s try to get there and see what happens no? take it easy

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Things Dobson mocks because he is too ignorant...

One “talent” Dobson seems to have, is the ability to alienate a lot of people through his opinions. And while he claims to be proud of that talent because he believes those he alienates are just assholes and racists who disagree with him CAUSE he attacks their abhorrent worldviews, the reality is much simpler; On average, people just don’t like him cause Dobson has no idea what he is talking about, which won’t however stop him from mocking the mere existence of certain things/interests and the people enjoying them. And those people tend not to be racists who want to see non-white people go extinct, but simply nerds and enthusiasts who like to enjoy their hobbies without the input of someone who won’t get over how he was bullied as a nerd back in school, but at the same time will bully you for being “nerdier”.

I could go into more detail how I mean that by analyzing a lot of his anime related SYAC strips as well as his soapbox strips on comic culture in a row. However, for the sake of “simplicity” I just like to go over one of his oldest strips, published around 2011. Back when Dobson was portraying himself still as a human. This strip alone will show how even a decade back, Dobson could just be an asshole to any “nerd” who dared to be into stuff he wasn’t, how he could manage to piss off many people all in one going AND be unfunny.

Now the first thing I want to put out is that I do not even think that Dobson’s primary intention with this strip was to mock others and their interests. See, one thing about So you are a cartoonist especially in its early days was, that it was in a way Dobson’s attempt to make himself look likeable in the eyes of others. He portrayed himself just as an Average Joe, wanting to make comics. This strip itself was even part of a series of strips I like to call “Things Dobson likes/dislikes”, which really were just him in each panel pointing at something he is into or not.

 And honestly, part of me does not mind it. It is just Dobson’s attempt to show others how “quirky” or contrarian he is. The problem really steams more from the following two facts: a) It is not really a cartoon or comic if you think about it, because there isn’t a joke, punchline or story attached to them, just Dobson showing off what kind of person he is and b) that his “things I do not understand” comic is really mean spirited compared to the others if you look just a bit deeper into it.

Right from the beginning the strip is just indicative that this will be more mean spirited than Dobson will later like to claim it was. Otherwise he would not feel the need to say “chillax” as a sort of semi defense mechanism, cause if he really intended to make his grievances heard through “good fun” he would not need to say that. So from the gate we can assume its snarkier and more hurtful than it needs to be. So lets get through the things he does not understand, shall we?

Sports: I will admit that I am not really into sports myself, neither as a fan or someone participating in it competitively. I go to the gym however in order to feel good about myself and do something for my health instead of going every Friday to McDonalds. In addition, as long as you do not go overboard with being a fan or participating in it, I understand how sport can unite people (see events like the Olympics and Soccer worldcups) , and while I am baffled upon the fact that the salary of many people in sports (particularly soccer and football) are ridiculous high in addition to money they make with advertisement deals etc. I have respect for them. Respect for how they can stick to a hard training schedule, can take injuries, will do stuff for charity etc. Furthermore, unlike Dobson, I do not believe people who are into sports are dumb. Yes, I know the stereotype about college footballers and sports who only graduated because of their sports activities and are otherwise “meatheads”, but that stereotype does not apply to everything in reality, Dobson. Ever heard of NFL lineman Duvernay-Tardif, who also has a degree as a surgeon? Granted, he made that title only in 2018, seven years after the comic was made, so look a bit further and see what we find… Oh, look: Myron Rolle, college football player and later members of the Tennessee Titans and Pittsburgh Steelers around 2010/12: Has a bachelor degree in exercise science and in 2008 studied for a Master of science for medical anthropology in the UK.

Ron Mix, famous AFL and NFL football player forever immortalized in the Hall of Fame has a Juris Doctor Degree and after his work as a sports became an attorney.

 And that are just three examples googled up in relation to American football. Other famous sports worldwide have degrees in medical and sports related sciences. Heck, one of Europe’s most famous boxer’s in the 2000s, Vitali Klitschko, not only has a doctors degree in sports, he is nowadays head of the governing party of Ukraine, following the independence of the country in 2014.

So stop wiggling your three sets of eyebrows and cease your smug grin and shove that periodic table up your ass, Dobson. I bet you yourself don’t even fucking know the chemical symbol for silver or titanium you Agonizing Twat who never got over the fact some popular kids in school bullied him.

 Final Fantasy: I doubt Dobson ever even tried to play Final Fantasy or ANY JRPG, honestly. Heck, not only does Cloud look pretty wrong (anime hair seems to be another thing Dobson can not draw) but frankly, the statement of Cloud being an emo is false and is based on misinterpretation. Bear with me for a bit; Final Fantasy 7 is in my opinion a good game and it had a major impact on the series and the perception of JRPGs in the west. However, I do also believe that many people overhyped its quality over the years. Including SquareEnix themselves, who particularly around 2005 released all sorts of tie in and sequel games, including also the movie “Advent Children”. Or as I like to call those things, Tetsuya Nomura’s wankfest, because now all of sudden everything is related to some guy called Genesis, we have even more characters to supposedly care about than we already got through the original game, happy end override happens almost on every corner and “goth” aesthetics are everywhere. And Cloud himself became an embodiment of that emo/loner stereotype in anime and manga around that time, despite never having been like that in the original game if you ask me. Yes, Cloud in the original game went through a lot of emotional trauma and he was not like some happy go lucky laid back shonen manga protagonist. But he also didn’t come off as a pretentious fucktard who never showed emotions and shut himself off from his friends and allies. He was more of a determined person who still cared for others and wanted to stop Sephirot so no one suffered like he did. His most “depressing” moment was when Sephirot revealed his false memories, making Cloud question his own existence as an independent being to the point he was broken enough to hand the Meteor sphere to Sephirot, but that was about it.  But hey, “emos” sell better, so SquareEnix tried to sell that aesthetics and others were just so dumb and further misinterpreted it as emoness being Cloud’s main character trait, when in reality freaking Squall Leonhard in his original game was worse than Cloud in comparison.

I also find the implication of Dobson, that Final Fantasy is pretentious in that panel funny as fuck. Cause Final Fantasy 13s’ pretty dumb story and wankery of clicheed anime tropes not withstanding, the average Final Fantasy game has a straightforward fantasy plot of good guys vs bad guys, with some twists and anime tropes thrown into the mix. The most pretentious guys in those games really are just the bad guys when they talk on average about how the world is suffering and misery, and even that is just straightforward nihilism to justify why they want to destroy everything. It is in fact so straightforward, most little kids will get it particularly in the first 6 games of the series, which are just set in more “classic” fantasy worlds to begin with. I am not saying the Final Fantasy franchise as a whole is flawless (I really am not a fan of 13 and its sequels, but if you like it, you do your thing) but you do not need a thesaurus to get why people enjoy it or individual games from it. So stop hating on an entire game series, which btw has actually some pretty awesome female characters in protagonistic roles in it too.

 Twilight: Both an example of Dobson’s hypocricy and idiocy. Idiocy cause frankly, what is hard to understand why people liked the books? Twilight (in my opinion) was just a professionally published self insert fanfiction, in which Bella/the reader fell in love with the local bad boy who just happened to also be a vampire. Sure, a vampire in name only (seriously, if you asked me, the Cullens could be replaced with a lot of other fantasy creatures and it would barely affect anything), but that is beside the point. Shameless romance stories about someone falling in love with the bad boy who deep down has a heart of gold and just needs someone to fix them, are nothing new. So I was not surprised that people, particularly teenaged girls and other women, enjoyed it. It was the romance literature equivalent to fast food which just happened to explode in popularity because Young adult novels were a simultaneous hit and something needed to fill the void after Harry Potter. I read the first book myself and I thought nothing in particularly wrong with it, aside of the fact I thought the book itself was plotwise kinda dull. But that was not why people bought it, they wanted Bella getting together with the bad boy. The fact Dobson did not understand on what the popularity was build up on, is just an example for how Dobson does not even in theory understand how stories work and what it is on a pure technical level that makes them interesting and sell worthy to others.

As for the hypocritical aspect, that comes up nowadays when Dobson claims he feels bad for mocking Twilight all those years ago and how people were bad for making fun of it and Stephenie Meyer. That those who did it were like women hating assholes and still are if they do not apologize. Cause frankly, I feel a majority of people “apologizing” are just dishonest with themselves now. Apologizing primarily because in the eyes of some other people they look up to, if they do not they will be pariahs. Especially when extend of their initial childish disdain for Twilight becomes clear. I e.g. do not hate Lindsay Ellis aka the former Nostalgia Chick, but the fact she made a big apology video on Meyer was laughable when you see how she “stood” to her opinion back in the day to the point she wrote a novel to mock the kind of story Twilight did. Sure, she admitted to a lot of her own faults back in the day so there was also some self reflection to it and I respect that. But I think in a way this was also a tactic to just appease some other people and it does not take away that initially she had those thoughts about Twilight. And frankly, Twilight is problematic in a way.

Again, I read the first book and I did not consider it the worst thing in the world, just kinda dull for my taste. However, having read on a lot of things that happen in the book series itself, it is clear that Bella and Edward are some pretty horrid and selfish characters who barely get called out or face consequences for terrible actions. Take also into account the pacing of the story and you get on average a book series that deserved a certain amount of criticism from a technical point of view and Meyer’s at least being questioned about some of her decisions in the writing process. It did however not deserve book burnings or people mocking and harassing fans and the author, the former being mocked by Dobson here funnily enough.

 Transformers: And what is it you find weird about people caring for cars? This is not even me being a cars fan here or something, I just ask because even that “explanation” is no explanation at all. He is just saying “I don’t care for X because I also do not care much for Y”. The correlation between the two is missing.

As for why people care about those two things Dobson, perhaps it is for the following:

Cars because people like the aesthetics, the technics, like to build stuff or get a rush by driving them. Transformers, because people just like action as well as the lore to the franchise and think giant robots turning into vehicles is cool, as long as Michael Bay is not involved in creating a story.

Furries: As with cars, likely aesthetics. Anthropomorphic animals have been part of our culture even long before cartoons (just look at fables, fairy tales and legends all across the world involving animals) so I assume there is even something more subconsciously involved with it. And frankly, I like furries myself. Some of them are way better artists than Dobson could ever be. That said, I do as an individual draw a line at furries that harass other people and show creators, hurt animals or are combining their interests with some really weird sex fetishes (two words: diaper fur). Which I guess do many other people cause there is a healthy amount of furries and non furries who have standards. The thing is just Dobson seems to think all furries are the same. Not to forget that for a long time he did everything denying he was interested in furries, citing his college as a reason for it cause people there installed a hatred for furries into him. A wonder then he would even enjoy Looney Tunes anymore. And honestly, himof all people mocking people for having a “sick” fetish? I am sorry Dobson, but compared to the kind of inflation you drew, I would say the average furry (as in someone who just draws two adult fursonas making out with each other under consent) is less “disturbing” than you. Someone who did not just inflate the female, at times underaged victims, but also made them pop/killed them.

DnD: I wish I had the comment Dobson posted on deviantart under the comic, as in it he digged himself even deeper with every panel and the explanations he gave. Just to show I am not pulling it out of my ass when I say for DnD one of the main reasons he hated it was that he thought nerds made the fantasy genre even nerdier by adding math to it.

Oh no. The fact people have to add numbers from a couple of dices together is too high of a math concept for Dobson. So those people must have absolutely no lives and are all just fat, bald and with acne.

Seriously though, fuck off. I am not into table top gaming, but whoever is, they shall just have fun. And stop body shaming nerds with the way you draw the DnD player here (and in that other infamous DnD comic he did), especially when you yourself look like a shaved egg in real life. Heck, did you know of all people Vin Diesel enjoys DnD?

Just let the people enjoy their adventure campaigns and come together once in a while instead of being shut offs like you, whose only experience with an interactive fantasy story involves playing Skyrim at 10 fps.

And yes, I am aware that Dobson has changed his opinions on DnD now thanks to some podcast. But based on his record, I feel that Dobson only did join it because it is now the cool thing to care on average about DnD as nerd. In addition he also did not own up to his past “mistake” till people just called him out on his bullshit often enough.

Klingons: Okay, I am not much of a Trekkie myself, but again, I get that people just like the aesthetics of them and the story crafted around Klingon culture within the franchise. So, just let them have fun with it. What is even the “joke” here? That people enjoy it despite it “just” being black Asian barbaric samurai in space, which is a very simplistic, in my opinion even outright racist description based on the choice of words here? Frankly, I am glad he did not just also add a racist Japanese accent to the guy here.

So there you have it: Things Dobson does not understand and essentially mocks for existing. And don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with Dobson not “getting” those things. Everyone has their own tastes, likes and dislikes as well as reasons why they are into it or not. I e.g. understand that people enjoy Bob’s Burger, but I myself really do not like the show much, because most characters come off as annoying to me in terms of personality and quirks. That said, I understand the visual appeal to it, if you like it that is fine and if you ass why I don’t like it I will give an explanation to it. What I will not do is make a comic mocking the existence of it, imply that my disinterest is correlated to me thinking there is also something inherently wrong with you if you enjoy it and build my disinterest on none existing issues with the thing in question.

Dobson however seems to have done that quite a couple of times and combined with his self righteous nature, it becomes kinda obvious why people began hating his stuff to the point that almost all of 4chan and tumblr developed a stern disdain for him.

[migleefulmoments]

Abby is the 1 who needs a reading comprehension lesson. An anonymous person said 'You're a narrow-minded fool if you actually put any stock in whether or not a married man is wearing his ring.' Abby's reply was 'Never once did I or anyone I know say that a married person has to wear a ring.' Am I crazy or is that totally 2 different things? Sometimes Abby is so blind it makes me crazy. Also, if u could do a follow up to her blatherings re her post it would be great. I'm just gobsmacked over it.

I see you wrote another post clarifying it was Cassie who made the comments you quoted but the entire coven’s comments after Cassie just get more ridiculous- “fact” after “fact” of lies and nonsense comparisons.  It’s batty that they believe any of the lies- but they believe them all! 

Anonymous asked: My grandpa doesn't wear his wedding ring because he used to work as an AC/heating repair man (he even taught college courses on fixing heaters at one point) and then was just not in the habit when he retired. That doesn't make his and grandma's marriage less valid. Rings are a symbolic thing that most cultures don't even do. You're a narrow-minded fool if you actually put any stock in whether or not a married man is wearing his ring.

cassie1022 answered: Oh yay, fun. (Cassie -always so charming)  My dear Nonnie, once again, reading comprehension eludes someone that believes in the Miarren myth. Never once did I or anyone I know say that a married person has to wear a ring (and yet Abby pops in below to claim the same but then argue that it IS the ring coming and going that looks suspicious. Let’s pretend that cc rings were real- he didn’t wear them every day regardless of what Abby claims.). Some people don’t wear them because they work with their hands, like your grandpa, and some just don’t feel comfortable wearing them. Let’s be real though. D has never shown an aversion to wearing rings. He’s worn them quite often, even while playing a show (yes, but he also took them off.  It’s his prerogative.  Until he says he’s getting divorced, it’s none of our business). There was a time when the only time he DIDN’T have a ring on was while he was in character (so what? He has had his wedding ring on most times we’ve seen him. You are counting individual photos as entire days and that isn’t accurate)

That being said, let’s examine. When was the last time you think D fixed a car, operated heavy machinery, or, like your grandpa, fixed an AC unit or heater?  (You have no idea what he does in his spare time.  This is a gross comment-some people do things with their hands -build things- because they enjoy it)  (Maybe if he could do that, people wouldn’t be making their own sweat gravy when they go to TSG.)(So now we start with the lies and mischaracterizations. FUN. There are two comments from TSG claiming A/C was broken. Since likely Mia doesn’t own the building, she has no control over the A/C being broken). 

As I’ve already said, rings aren’t for everyone, but I’ve also pointed out that D has been an avid ring wearer most of his life, and there is more than enough photographic evidence to support this. Also, most couples that exchange rings don’t usually stop wearing them in the first year of marriage.(And he hasn’t stopped wearing his now has he?) That’s when it’s usually a point of pride and you want the world to know you are someone’s spouse. (Does Darren seem like the kind of person who is worried about “the world knowing he’s someone’s spouse”? He’s pretty open about his relationship and taking his ring off for an hour or two isn’t indicative of anything).

You know what DOES make a marriage less valid? No legitimate officiant.(LIE)  There are only a handful of states where you can officiate your own marriage, and guess what? Louisiana isn’t one of them.(He didn’t, Joe did)  You need an ordained minister and in addition to that, the minister must register in the parish where the marriage is taking place.

So, if this makes me a “narrow-minded fool,” so be it. I’ve been called worse. (It definitely does).  

ajw720 I needed to laugh this morning, thank you nonnie.(I would imagine you need to laugh a hell of a lot more than you do Abby)  You people really don’t get it (Oh lord).  Also, it isn’t JUST the ring (which is very suspicious especially as he deliberately takes it off at random times, there one minute gone the next) (Here abby argues it isn’t the ring.... except it is the ring) , it is as @cassie1022 pointed out, no officiant (LIE) , weird wedding algorithm (the fact that Abby truly believes there was a guest algorithm says everything there is to say about Abby’s judgment and the cc nonsense)  is FAMILY HONEYMOON (a joke)  constant babysitters (LIE) d’s complete lack of enthusiasm (he practically said he was bored and realized at the last moment that that was bad) (Desperate Abby, you're so desperate) , talked about pooping exes as opposed to how life changed with his bride (and you don’t get that this is was keep from speaking about his personal life? How long have you been a fan? Joking about something to distract from having to answer something private is spot-on Darren), speaks more passionately about his jacket then his wedding (we done got hitched) (This means nothing Abby...NOTHING. He wrote a boring post about his jacket and you’ve been losing your shit over it ever since. IT meant nothing...it was a coat he wore to an event. You only like it because he was boring and serious. It was the farthest thing from Darren I’ve ever read.), announced the engagement using a reference to the wrong freaking franchise (I can’t...this is one of your dumbest arguments out of a lot of arguments. It was a JOKE Abby, a joke.  He used the franchise that made the joke funny. Darren doesnt’ own a franchise)   , FIVE FUCKING encagement rings (LIE), the last of which is an advertisement that she is paid to wear and they haven’t even tried to hide this fact (LIE), utter lack of chemistry (again desperate Abby) , the weirdness with his non-relationship but clear friendship of sorts with his ex co-star (It’s not “weirdness” it’s a nonrelationship-you said it yourself). , the way she is promoted that is beyond excessive for someone who isn’t famous (This entire rant is unhinged. Nobody is promoting her, he’s living his life with her.  Like we expect he would with his wife. There is nothing untoward with their behavior together.  The fact that you have to label it “promotion” says that it worries you a lot). the fact that the sold their entire wedding to about 100 sponsors )(LIE) (I am sure there are more than we even realize), the clear references to fandom at the sham mockery (OMG Abby, give it up. Nobody cares about you), and that this allegedly private couple also released 85% of their wedding for public consumption (They released 27 photos. That is HARDLY 85% of their wedding. You saw a lot of the same photos posted by their friends and it upset you but they didn’t release 85% of their wedding. It was a 4-day event and the wedding events started at around 3 pm and lasted until after midnight -27 is not 85% of 10-ish hours of celebration).  

If it was ONLY that he randomly took his ring off depending on how the wind is blowing, fine, that is evidence alone of nothing.  All of these things, and hundred and hundreds of other facts (which are ALL LIES). (inconsistent timelines (Darren doesn’t owe you a “consistent timeline” that’s asinine)   they don’t know where they met each other RC handshakes (You know that isn’t a handshake- they were photographed together right before the “handshake’ you won’t let go of and he’s heard introducing her as his girlfriend ), D running from her every moment he can, etc, etc)(Whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night), are clear evidence it is fake that is beyond a reasonable doubt (Bwahahahahaha you are conning yourself Abby) .  Him kissing her in her bar is his job.  I suggest nonnie you pay attention to the details (Which ones- your lies or the real details?) And please pay attention to the captain, he hasn’t even been subtle lately, he has been fairly blatant (Le sigh, he isn’t the captain.  He’s a dude who loves his boyfriend Will and writes children’s books that are not cc Bibles) .

Happy Thanksgiving Nonnie!  I hope you can tear yourself away from reading blogs you disagree with long enough to enjoy your friends and family! Cheers!

notes-from-nowhere What love are you talking about, anon? M doesn’t love D and she makes this clear every chance she get (LIE- there is nothing that suggests MIa isn’t in love with Darren). Do I have to remind you how she denied to D’s mom one red carpet to celebrate her son? (LIE Abby fabricated)  Or to D’s dad to be honored for his military past?(another LIE Abby fabricated)  But why listing all of her actions when you know very well this is only the surface.

Btw, I still have to know a singer/actor lost a finger because of a wedding band. Anon, try again, this attempt failed. (SMH)

leka-1998 You know what I like about this instance in particular? Apart from the fact that the ring isn’t off the whole time, he’s still wearing the other one here.

After 284719 years, she should also know what the language D’s mom speaks is called. Seems she doesn’t care enough. (Another LIE that Abby fabricated) 

Also, former platonic roomie says hello. (LIE) 

ajw720

They still can’t explain away B/enny, the man D just praised for his new album yet D hasn’t even mentioned his brother’s (I can’t explain it but it has nothing to do with Darren and Mia.  You’re the one making it a problem) .  The man that mocked fandom on his IG by referring to M/oulin R/ouge when posting about the fraud in NOLA (Nobody-especially Ben Hudson- gives a shit about fandom Abby. You’re a nobody)  The man who seemingly officiated the wedding (Again a LIE)  And the one who appears to have a dog (yes he does, he lives with his girlfriend, Joanna, and their two dogs) . Hey remember just a few weeks ago when PBB dropped her teeth in the dog’s bowl? Funny as we know she and D don’t have a dog (Nope, they clearly don’t- stop trying so hard).…

[alkja]

Well, here we come: Endgame review (spoilers galore)

Endgame is essentially two different movies for me: the one up until the last three minutes and the one that includes those last three minutes.

The first is a decent movie – riddled with stupid crap, plot holes and the occasional nonsense, but on the whole acceptable.

The second is a waterfall of crap that makes me seethe in anger.

If you liked that ending, I seriously discourage you from keeping on reading. Otherwise, let us discuss the good, the bad, the wtf and the “How dare you?”

THE “DID YOU EVEN TRY THINKING ABOUT THIS” DIVISION

 Let’s start with the inevitable: time shenanigans equal inevitable fuckery. That is known.

The most egregious example being: Nebula kills her younger self and is apparently fine and dandy. What the shit? I don’t care if you killed her in 2023 (or whenever Endgame happens, I’m going with Infinity War happening in 2018 as released), if Nebula 2014 dies there is no Nebula 2015 and so on to eventually become Nebula 2023. Ergo, she should absolutely have died. Same with Thanos & Co. No matter where you do it, if you kill a past version of someone, there is no one to do the things they would have done in the future. Thanos 2014 dies, so there cannot be a Thanos from after that to do the Snap.

Which is not bad, go ahead and kill past versions of evil shits, but doing so changes the timeline. Period. Rodhey even proposed that and they had a long nerd out about why that would not be possible... and then they went and did that and pretended it didn’t count. That is so goddamn stupid.

Same with all the time travel.

I don’t care if you go and put the Infinity Stones back, because those stupid McGuffins are not the only thing that can mess the timeline. First of all, there is no one to use them anyway since Thanos died before he did the Snap, but we’re supposed to ignore that.

More to the point, in order to put the timeline to right, you have to put the Stones back after the future Avengers have stolen them. Fine, that puts them back in the timeline. However, that doesn’t erase the actions your slightly-past selves have taken trying to grab them. Which means, for example, that Loki fucking escaped with the Tesseract after Avengers 1, which is a MAJOR change.

Or, it should be. But apparently we’re supposed to ignore that because in the Dark World time Loki is in his cell, and wow. NO. If he escapes in Avengers 1 (with the Tesseract to boot), that leads to massive changes in Dark World and Ragnarok. For one thing, without the Tesseract, the Bifrost cannot be repaired. More essential to those plots, Loki should plainly not be there.

Putting the sceptre back also doesn’t erase the fact that Captain America said “Heil Hydra” to a Hydra agent (oh oh oh, such canny comic references!), who apparently never mentioned it again to anyone ever? Not even to his goddamn boss? So, did Sitwell legitimately think Steve was Hydra up until Winter Soldier? And yet come Winter Soldier he never thought to ask Steve “Wait, even if you’re not actually Hydra, you clearly knew about us for years, so why are you now so outraged like this is brand new information for you? Why did it take you this long to move against us and why are you doing it without much in the way of planning or allies? The hell did you do these past years?”

Hell, why did Sitwell – a prominent Hydra agent in SHIELD who would not raise any flags doing so – never approach Steve, Hydra agent to Hydra agent? No, he discovers that Captain America is apparently Hydra and just rolls with it. No “What the hell, sir?” call to Pierce, no secret handshake to Steve. For years. I can handwave him not saying anything to Rumlow and the rest of Strike, because if Steve is Hydra maintaining his deep cover with everyone is more important than anything (even if they were right there when he gave him the scepter, so what did he say to them?), but not mentioning it to Pierce? Cannot buy that. And not having any mention of that in Winter Soldier is pretty damn unbelievable.

The timeline was also changed by having future!Steve fight past!Steve. And no, it doesn’t matter that past!Steve thought it was Loki. It was still a change.

Not to mention, Loki could not have had a Peggy compass or known shit about Bucky, so it stands to reason it’s not Loki. So, what gives? What did past!Steve think it happened? Hell, come Winter Soldier what did he think about that time some guy who looked and fought like himself told him that Bucky was alive and lo and behold, here comes Buckaroo?

  In essence, the Avengers fucked the timeline without lube but we’re supposed to pretend they didn’t.

To me, that is shit.

Mess with time all you like, but acknowledge you’re doing so. Either your plan goes off without a hitch (as if!), or the moment where everything goes inevitably to hell and there are changes - and here we are talking about major changes - you say fuck it, pull out all the stops and change away.

[Ok, I admit it, by that I mostly mean: pull out all the stops, take 5 minutes to explain to your past self you come from the future and tell him to get his ass in gear because Hydra is literally running the government and SHIELD and most importantly Bucky has been frozen, tortured and brainwashed for about 70 years, so get to it, save Bucky Bear save the world, and smash Nazis like the fucking Hulk. May the fic gods, as ever, be kinder to me than the canon ones.]

This “pretend nothing has changed even while we change important stuff that should logically have repercussions” approach only works if you think your audience has the reasoning capabilities of concussed goldfishes. Tony’s last bout of genius solving time travel on the fly deserved better than this.

(Also, good luck trying to sell me on any future conflict stakes when our heroes now have the capabilities of fucking going back in time and change things, even if you don’t want to admit it.)

In the “this is so dumb and nonsensical and wow look at those strings” camp, we also have the two Nebulas being connected. That is so stupid and clearly only there for the sake of plot you can literally see the writers going “Uhm... how can we make it so past!Thanos knows what the heroes are doing? What if we make it so past!Nebula gets the memories of future!Nebula from a galaxy away? How? Why? Because!”

Riveting.

About as riveting as the Thor stuff. Here you can see the writers desperately wracking their brain wondering “But how are we gonna have dumb jokes in a serious movies? Where will we go for cheap, juvenile humor? I know! Let’s make Thor a drunk idiot with a beer belly! Oh oh oh, what could be more funny than a parade of fat jokes, we’re comedic geniuses!”

Yawn. Also, offensive much? But really, everything about Thor spits in the face of his three movies long character arc (which was all about responsibility): dudes, do you even know the characters you’re writing about?

Speaking of desperation: no Steve and Bucky reunion post UnSnapping? Seriously? We have Tony and Peter - who have known each other for 5 minutes - tearfully embrace but no scene between two characters who have known each other all their lives and have been through massive shit in those lives? Marvel execs, we know that every time Steve and Bucky shared a scene The Dreadful Spectre of The GAY appeared and made your blood pressure rise but this is ridiculous.

Which is also why you get no cookie for The First Gay Character in the franchise: an unnamed character in a single blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene, truly stellar representation. What made you believe this was a smart move?

  That said, there are some good things in this movie.

  THE “I DIDN’T NECESSARILY WANT THIS BUT I CAN ACCEPT YOU DID IT. ALSO, OUCH: MY HEART” DIVISION

First of all, Tony Stark.

Never thought I’d say that, because I’m the furthest thing from a Tony fan and spent all of Ultron and Civil War wanting to punch him. And Infinity War being indifferent to him.

But goddamn if I didn’t feel how goddamn much he adored Pepper and their daughter. Goddamn if I didn’t tear up at his heroic sacrifice, going out with the line that started it all (“I am Iron Man”- my heart), goddamn if I didn’t tear up at his goodbye with Pepper and then at his funeral.

For all his many, many faults – which I’m not gonna forget for a second – Tony went out exactly as he should be: a goddamn hero. With a heart big enough, strong enough to give himself up for everyone else even at the moment where he had everything he ever wished to have.

My hat’s off to him.

Never thought I’d ever say this, but I will miss him.

 Other MVPs of Endgame: Clint Motherfucking Barton and Natasha “Love is NOT for Children” Romanoff. I know: Natasha, sure, but who would ever have guessed that about Clint? Prior to Endgame, he was just sort of there, not helped by Ultron and his sudden family in a farm.

Endgame managed to make me care about the family I loathed. How? I don’t know, but I am totally down for a Clint + Kate Bishop + Lila show, where everyone is a badass archer and they are all codenamed Hawkeye just because! I am also totally down for Clint’s badass reinvention (after, I’m guessing, mainlining all 7 seasons of Arrow), no matter how heartbreaking the reason or questionable the style choices.

And that Clintasha scene was pretty much worth the whole movie to me.

Because, first of all, that’s how you solve a problem like the Soul Stone: a willing sacrifice. (Which, btw, makes even more disgusting the fact that we are supposed to see this as equally worthy to Thanos murdering his daughter).

Second, because I am a total sucker for characters fighting about who gets to sacrifice themselves. Clint and Natasha beating the crap out of each other just like in Avengers 1 (just one of many delightful callbacks that pepper the movie), this time because they love each other too much to let the other be the one to die is everything.

Third, because it’s just a really good scene, based on one of the better relationships in the MCU. Even those not shipping Clintasha have no doubt that those two are extremely important to one another, and Renner and Johannson acted the hell out of it - just as they did every scene together, from their reunion post-yakuza slaughter, to the giddiness of flying a spaceship. I teared up like a baby at Nat’s sacrifice and I was right there with Clint hoping for a loophole that made it so we could get Nat back and was heartbroken anew when that did not come to pass.

But, again, the Black Widow went out just like she should have: a true hero, loving, strong and unafraid. The red in her ledger was wiped out once and for all.

  The “Feels” subdivision

 Scott Lang was an integral part of the solution. I mean, never before have we heard about time passing differently in the quantum realm – and in fact Janet Van Dyne aged the 30 years she spent in it, so more plot service crap – but who cares! Still, his desperate checking to see if his daughter was among the Snapped only to find his own name and running like hell to get to Cassie only to be suddenly confronted with a teenager and realizing he missed those 5 years with her and not caring because she was still there was absolutely perfect.

Speaking of families: I have already said it but Tony and Pepper and little Morgan were amazing.

Also, Thor and Frigga! Frigga was an egregious fridging to start with, so it was lovely seeing her again, but especially giving her a wonderful scene with her son that shows her intelligence and strength and exactly why she was Queen of Asgard. Not to mention being the one to restore Thor’s confidence and absolving him of his failures. Sometimes you just really, really need your mom. (Too bad about that stupid salad joke.)

Natasha and Steve. Just... Natasha and Steve being badly messed up by those 5 years post-Snap and yet being so supportive and understanding of each other. Really, after Winter Soldier, this was the best Natasha movie. And rightly so.

In general, the Avengers being not just a team but also friends, fucking finally. Sure, there is the whole “found family-baited” post going around, but memes aside, it is true that we never got to see those people acting like friends and not merely co-workers. Was that so difficult to do before the very last moment?

  THE “IN HERE FOR THE HOLY SHIT QUOTIENT” DIVISION

 A small but admirable moment for a villain that was otherwise pretty underwhelming no matter how much they tried passing him off as deep: Thanos having the smarts and the metaphorical stones to goddamn destroy the Infinity Stones. Better to accept never using them himself again than run the risk of someone stealing them and undo his work. He may be evil and incapable of properly understanding the concept of proportions (that whole: if you destroy half of the resources along with half of the people using said resources, you are just as screwed as before), but the guy is smart.

Carol was as amazing as she could be in a movie that by design could not be about her kicking Thanos’s ass up and down the whole galaxy but was necessarily the Last Hooray  of the Old Guard. Her face seeing Fury among the Snapped, her entrance and towing a fucking spaceship, her pointing out that while the Avengers have been watching (with mixed results) over a single planet she was watching over a lot of them (likely with better results), her second entrance, her goddamn everything. Not as good as her solo movie but what could ever be?

Speaking of ladies, Valkyrie becoming a Literal Queen warms my heart. I have some doubts about Thor just up and leaving what remains of his people, even after everything (read: I don’t buy it, just like I don’t buy anything about Thor in this movie), but considering Heimdall is not around anymore, we can all agree he left them in excellent, badass hands. I want more.

Switching to metaphorical Valkyries... It was a fanservice-y, mostly unearned scene in a series that has historically been pretty low in female friendships or relationships, but goddamn if the optics of all the badass ladies of the MCU banding together weren’t made of FUCKYEAH! Give us a ladies-led movie, Marvel, you fucking cowards: DC is giving us the Birds of Prey (and Harley Quinn), what’s your excuse?

In that vein: Pepper donning an Iron Man armor! Basically everything I ever hoped for, so much so that for a moment I legitimately thought I had imagined it. Now that Tony is gone, let Pepper step up as Rescue or Iron Maiden or whatever, get her to mentor a bright intern named Riri Williams and we’re set to go for maximum awesomeness.

Still, when talking about maximum awesomeness: CAP. WIELDING. MJOLNIR. We Italians don’t have the habit of reacting to movies out loud at the theatre, but you could hear the current of FUCKYEAH!!! coming from all the nerds in the room, and rightly so. Cap fighting with the shield in one hand and Mjolnir in the other was everything every superhero fan could ever have wished for in a movie distilled into the Crowning Moment of Awesome to top all CMOAs. (Too bad this gets incredibly undermined by that ending beacuse I refuse to believe that that guy could be worthy of a fucking shoehorn, much less Mjolnir.)

Thor dual-wielding Mjolnir and Stormbreaker deserves a mention too.

(This as long as we forget Mjolnir being taken away to the future at the start of Dark World makes gaping holes in Ultron e Ragnarok, because past!Thor wouldn’t have it anymore, but whatever LALALALALA what time logic?)

But the moment that threatened to bring down the house in cheers was the sight of all the Unsnapped returning followed by - finally - the call: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! Every single person visibly restrained themselves from punching the air and shouting along. I think we all regret not doing so, dignity be damned.

   So, leaving aside the truck-sized plot holes that are practically a given once you decide to muck around with time travel and the occasional plot-over-character-or-sense stupidity, all in all we have a rather solid movie full of badass moments and with occasionally meaningful emotional beats.

Not my favorite by a long shot, but a mostly fitting end to an insane project no one ever thought could possibly be achieved that ended up sweeping the world and fandom.

Too bad those last five minutes arrive to shit all over that, and incidentally all over a beloved character.

   THE “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME YOU GODDAMNED HACKS” DIVISION

 Steve – I must suppose SERIOUSLY concussed during the battle to the point of brain damage beyond the repairing capabilities of the superserum – returns the Infinity Stones to the past and, while he’s at it, decides to abscond in the same past to live his life with Peggy, only returning as an old man to pass the shield to Sam.

Awwwwwwwwww... Steve and Peggy living their life together, so heartwarming...

Yeah, except once you think about it, then you want to use that shield to fucking brain the skrull that must be impersonating Steve Rogers.

Because, in order to buy this story, we have to believe that Steve “I don’t like bullies” Rogers, Steve “If I see a situation pointed south, I can't ignore it” Rogers, Steve “On va voir” Rogers, Steve “I can do this all day” Rogers deliberately chose to spend the rest of his fucking life doing exactly nothing, otherwise the timeline would have been SERIOUSLY rebooted.

A life of inaction, hiding the fact of his existence.

Sure, that totally sounds like the Steve Rogers we have been watching up until this point.

Instead of an ending about moving forward no matter what life throws at you, we got one about happiness being literally going backwards.

Because that’s a totally healthy message.

Hell, you decide to go the retirement route, I don’t even necessarily disagree with it. If, after all the trauma of Infinity War + the five years interlude + the shitstorm of Endgame, Steve decided to lay aside the shield for a while and try to make an actual, functional life for himself I would have been all for it. If nothing else, the guy could make do with a lot of therapy. Most crucially, not being Captain America would not mean quitting the fight: he could do just as much good as an artist, a politician, an opinion leader, an activist or what have you. All that is not gonna be possible in the past, because to mantain the timeline he cannot become anyone relevant in any way. Especially since he knows Hydra is still around and attracting notice would mean risking some of that attention coming from them. So no, absconding to the past means by necessity a life not fighting in any way, not doing anything of any particular importance whatsoever.

This is completely antithetical to everything that Steve Rogers, as he was shown up until now, stands for.

And we have yet to touch the morality of it all, or the lack thereof.

Lest I get accused of being a bitter Stucky shipper whose slash goggles cannot make her appreciate a Steggy ending, let me point out that I ship Steggy as much as Stucky and if anything I am a bitter Peggy Carter fangirl: Our Kick-Ass Lady of the No Holds Barred Beatdown unquestionably deserves better than this crap.

By which, I’m not even talking about how this ending shits all over the closure we got before and the entirety of the Agent Carter run, which both show that while Peggy unquestionably loved Steve, she mourned him for a while and then, as healthy people do, moved on to have a perfectly fulfilling life with a rewarding job and eventually a new love and family. I’m not even talking about how this takes her back the “Steve Rogers’ Love Interest” route, Betty Carver-style, instead of letting her be her own woman with her own story that may have started alongside Steve Rogers but then developed on her own terms. I’m not talking about how she was rewinded from a character in her own right to a “hero’s” prize.

I’m talking about how this supposed happy ending to slow dancing and snuggling is based on either Peggy being apparently also brain damaged to the point that, upon hearing that the organization she’s busting her ass to run is a Nazi cesspool, just rolls with it - which, I think we can all agree, is definitely not something our Agent Carter would ever in a million years do -  or Steve merrily electing to spend something like 50 years lying like a motherfucker to the supposed love of his life about how the organization she’s busting her ass to run is a Nazi cesspool. True love, everyone!

Fuck you: Peggy Carter fucking deserved better than this.

This also leaving aside the fact that, in this happy ending, Steve knows that while he’s squirreled away in the woods dancing and doing decoupage, his supposed best friend is getting tortured to the point of complete dehumanization. But whatever, he’ll eventually be fine, no use doing anything about it. Oh, JFK got murdered? Nice shot, Buck! Oh, there goes Howard, a smooth operation, buddy: hope the brain-frying won’t be too bad, just hang on until 2014.

End of the line my goddamn ass.

Oh, and since no-one’s memories are rewritten, Bucky also conceivably knows all this. He knows that his supposed best friend voluntarily spent his life doing squat to save him.

Fuck you: Bucky Barnes fucking deserved better than this.

SO, TO RECAP: Steve Rogers is a selfish ass who chose a life of inaction, Peggy Carter is either his accomplice or a dupe and Bucky Barnes lost his best friend all over again. Coherent characterization got sacrificed for a theoretical feel-good moment that doesn’t stand up to the most cursory examination before being revealed as sheer horrifying fuckery.

Sure, Sam gets to be the new Captain America (which, don’t get me wrong: he totally deserves it and at this point he’s more worthy of it than the original), but that’s literally the only good thing in a mountain of shit dumped over characters that deserved much better.

I get that Evans wanted out, but there are ways to do it and then there are ways. Tony went out like a goddamn hero. So did Natasha.

Steve went out quitting - aka the one and only thing Steve Rogers would never ever do - and in addition what can only be called a bastard who shrugged off his best friend’s decades-long torture and quite likely spent his life lying to the woman he loves.

Fuck you: Steve Rogers fucking deserved better than this.

If there could be a worse impression to leave bowing out than this one, I’m honestly unable to imagine it (Well, beside making Steve Hydra for real: but considering that he spent his live blithely pretending they were not still around murdering, torturing and so on, that makes him a collaborationist at best and WOW, at this point it’s kinda splitting hairs, isn’t it?).

Coming into Endgame, I knew this was gonna be Cap’s last waltz and after spending years as a Steve Rogers fan I was dreading watching him die. Now, I wish he could have gone out with the heroism and dignity of Tony or Natasha instead of... whatever this was. I could have mourned him while celebrating him, instead of mourning what he used to be while despising what he was made to become.

This Steve Rogers fan, who spent years loving him while being annoyed and occasionally enraged by Tony Stark, left the theatre feeling deeply moved by Tony and quite honestly hating the guts of whatever was left of Steve. If someone told me this would happen I wouldn’t have believed them and yet here we are.

 Personally, in order to actually enjoy the movie and especially to be able to retain any fondness whatsoever for one of my most beloved characters, those last five minutes are gonna join the entirety of Age of Ultron in the realm of “I recognise Marvel Studios have made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it”.

As far as I’m concerned, Endgame ended with Tony Stark’s funeral. A fitting tribute to the fallen hero who started it all, to the road that took us to this moment and all those characters who travelled it with us.

To the end of an era and hope for the next one.

[lia-nikiforov]

Spring 2018 Anime Watchlist

THERE IS TOO MUCH ANIME THIS SEASON I HAD TO BINGE 37 EPISODES IN THREE DAYS TO CATCH UP

Dropped

Mahou Shoujo Site: Although I originally intended to irony watch this one, expecting something like MahoIku or King’s Game, its sadistic reveling in the main character’s suffering was impossible to stomach. I felt physically ill at the end of it. I’m not, in principle, opposed to gory stuff, y’all know I sat through the whole stupidity that was King’s Game, but MahoSite doesn’t even reach the level of ridiculous over the topness to make it funny, it’s just a cascade of misery porn with not a single moment of levity or triumph for the heroine. I think I was done the moment that gratuitous “if you punch my stomach my period won’t come” line, because apparently some dudes get off on the idea of a woman being so brutalized she stops menstruating??????

Kakuriyo Yadomeshi: I was willing to give this one the three-episode trial after the first episode in spite of the godawful main love interest and the fact that the grandfather sold the MC into literal slavery wtf, because the main girl seems proactive and independent buuuuuuut fuck I hated episode 2. Not only does she seem to quickly forgive her grandfather for SELLING HER OFF, the men around her keep speaking over her and making decisions for her and she turns out to be just independent enough to not be a complete doormat, but not enough to appear defiant and I hate it. Thanks but no thanks, I ain’t here to see a romantization of being literally sold into an arranged marriage.

YOU THINK?!

Cutie Honey Universe: Before this, I’d had zero interaction with any other iteration of Cutie Honey, so I wasn’t sure of what to expect beyond knowing this was from the creator of Devilman. Certainly blatant homophobic jokes and jokes about physical abuse wasn’t in my list of thigs I expected to see, yet here we are. I ain’t here for “hyuk hyuk look at these fat/butch/ugly lesbians, aren’t they ridiculous” jokes either.

Butlers x Battlers: I completely forgot I watched this one. I don’t remember anything about it except being confused

GeGeGe no Kitaro: This one didn’t do anything wrong, but I was never gonna watch it. I just checked out episode 1 because I heard it made a dig at Logan Paul. I wish they’d gone all the way through and killed that character, but I guess you can’t have it all. It was actually a pretty decent episode, and in a weaker season I’d probably keep watching it, but there’s just too much stuff coming out. And I have watched previous Kitaro anime and it’s sometimes too meanspirited for me.

Uma Musume: I didn’t expect much from this show and was pleasantly surprised by the double-length first episode. Special Week was a nice, fun protagonist to root for and although the world-building was weird as heck, it was fun and positive. So I’m not exactly sure of what happened with episode 2/3 that it left me feeling completely dry. The pacing was super rushed, the characters all felt horribly flat, and the races weren’t super exciting because rather than any strategy or strong emotional realization, Special Week just has to start running even faster and faster in the final leg. It was also kind of implied she had gained weight? But then never brought up? And it’s not made very clear why she lost in the end? Was she supposed to learn humility and not getting too complacent? Seems too early for her to learn that when she’s supposed to be an underdog. I don’t know, it didn’t really work for me and I don’t feel like I care to watch more of it.

Because this post is long af and has a lot of gifs some folks were having trouble loading it on mobile, so you’ll have to read under the cut to know which are the shows I’m actually watching oops

Chopping Block: 

There is too much anime and I’m near the end of the semester so I’m gonna have to cut at least one -preferably two- of these shows

Sword Art Online Alternative: This was another one I intended to hatewatch? But rather than offensive or idiotic it’s so far been pretty boring. Episode one was a slog. The first half of episode two was a horrendous spectacle of hating your own body. The only think I liked was the friendship between LLENN and Pito (btw Pito meand ‘dick’ in Spanish and every time she says “call me Pito” I die). Then episode 3 was more boring exposition. FPS games are the least interesting I could think of, and I’ve never been into Let’s Play, so this show is hitting all the right notes to make me bored out of my mind. I also don’t appreciate the big dude not telling Llenn the plan and just kind of being condescending to her. If next episode is just 20 more minutes of the dude explaining things to Llenn, I’m out. (Also, Pito is 100% Elsa Kanzaki)

Legend of the Galactic Heroes: Not feeling this reboot at all. It’s all very dry and just dudes expositioning strategy at each other. Also there are 30 characters in the Ending and only 2 of them are women???? I’ll give it one more episode, but tbh I’ve had problems even paying attention to 2 and 3, it just doesn’t grab me.

Libra of Nil Admirari: Although I like the heroine and she might be one of the strongest reverse harem heroines I’ve seen, the plot itself is very... eh. The guys are also very uninteresting so far. There’s also the fact that Tsumugi claims to have no interest in men or love, but this being a reverse harem with a bevy of men starved for her attention makes me worry this’ll end with her being “fixed” by an actual nice guy who is worthy of her or something. But the OP is very cute!

Hatewatch

Darling in the Franxx: Boy oh boy, the otaku have been creaming their pants and tearing their clothes off for the last three weeks, but “Don’t call it Fucking, It’s Making Love” in the Franxx’s greatest achievement in my eyes is going for idiotically offensive to just bland and clichéd. A recent AMA on reddit with the producer seems to imply that none of the themes of sex, gender and heterosexism that have been at the core of the show were even properly thought out, nor were their implications even remotely considered. I don’t know if the show’s heterosexism would be worse if it was active propaganda rather than what it seems to be: a bunch of ideas the producers thought would be “cool” and “titillating” with no particular meaning to them. Also we’re 15 episodes in and all we’ve achieved is Palurdo has finally tamed his beast waifu who is Not Like Other Girls. Oh, and I guess the monsters actually had humans in there, what a shocker, never seen that before, never expected such a clever twizzzzzzzz....

Mid Priority

Tokyo Ghoul: Re : I thought I was done with Tokyo Ghoul after trying to read the manga and being bored shitless by all the unnecessary exposition, but this one, while not quite excellent, managed to pique my interest. The conceit of Kaneki losing his memories and joining the Doves and helping in exterminating ghouls I’m super not interested in, but his encounter with Nishio has made me curious enough about what has happened with the rest of the characters to keep watching for now.

Rokuhodou Biyori: The iyashikei show of the season I guess. The guys’ personalities are a little bland, so I might bump it down to the chopping block, but it’s only been two episodes, so I want to give it a fair chance

Persona 5: My history with Persona has never been good. Episode 1 of P4 made me sleep, and I watched the first P3 movie THREE TIMES and never managed to parse wtf it was about. This show shares some of the same problems in making me struggle to pay attention, but at least so far the plot seems interesting, the visuals are creative and striking, and I really like the main character’s design. I’m also more inclined to keep watching because Sayokan directed the OP for the videogame.

Hisone to Masotan: There’s a cynical part of me that watches this show and feels like I’m watching a commercial for the JSDF. Yvan eht nioJ, come join us, we have cool dragons!!! I also don’t love the fact that the dragon turns into a plane :/ BUT the characters have a lot of heart, the dynamics so far between Hisone and Masotan and Hisone and Kanzaki have been very touching. A part of me though, wishes Hisone had stuck with Otofu because it’s such a cute name and she sounded really funny yelling “OTOFU!!!”

Safe Sequels

Although some of these sequels would go in higher categories, I was unsure about how to rank them -especially the 2-cour ones- compared to some of my top premieres of the season, so I’m just putting them all together because there are A LOT of sequels.

Yowapeda Glory Line: FINALLY SOMETHING POSITIVE HAPPENED FOR SOHOKU. I was starting to feel exhausted with all the gloominess, especially for seeing Teshima punished, HE DESERVES EVERY GOOD THING. Now we can get back on track and hopefully have a fun race without Teshima brooding all the way through the episode. ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE EXCELLENT TESHIAO CONTENT

Nanatsu no Taizai: FINALLY ESCANOR SHOWED UP. It’s felt like the first half of the show dragged a lot compared to the manga, so I’m happy we’ve reached one of the coolest parts. Though if memory serves, the rest of the season will be spent floundering around, but damn, the Escanor vs Galand battle is very satisfying to watch.

Lupin III Part V: So this time around they’ve added the social media factor into Lupin’s adventures, and so far the result has been quite interesting. I don’t have a lot to say, the artstyle looks closer to classic versions of the franchise and has lost some of the edge from part IV, but the comedy and Lupin’s plans are still creative and fun to watch, even adding a unique spin to the social media component, so I’m excited to see where they take this. But we need more Fujiko yesterday pls

Binan Koukou Chikyuu Boueibu Happy Kiss: A soft reboot of this magical girl parody franchise, with frillier costumes and even more ridiculous attacks and transformations, and I’m here for it. I do wish we’d get at least some cameos from the original gang. I also feel that so far, apart from the Red guy (Kyotaro?) the others don’t seem to have much of a distinctive personality. It’s only episode three, so hopefully that’s something we’ll see developed as the show goes on.

Hozuki no Reitetsu: It’s the same as it’s always been, a brilliantly dry workplace comedy. If you haven’t watched the previous seasons, you’re missing out on one of the best comedies of this decade.

Boku no Hero Academia 3: After the recap first episode, the series has gone back full gear ahead into the next story arc and so far it looks pretty cool. Although I’m never a fan of “regular MC activity gets interrupted by villains”. Idk why it bothers me a lot -a prime example being the S Class exam getting cut short in Fairy Tail and the concept of S Class mages completely ditched thereon after. But anyway, I have faith in the writing that they’ll make this villain interruption cool and worth it. I do however wish they’d let us meet the Class B guys better.

Steins;Gate 0: You know, I was 100% ready to be disappointed and abandon this one right away, but damn, damn have these first two episodes been brilliant. The nuances in Okabe’s characterization, the portrayal of his grief, and his more mature attitude seem like a mirror of the watcher who has grown all the same in the seven years since the show’s original season. I’m hoping the teases about Maho as a potential love interest are a red herring, but other than that, I’m blown away by how good it has been so far. Just delete Daru please.

Card Captor Sakura: Clear Card: Things have started happening! We’re starting to see that Akiho’s mysterious book is somehow having an effect over the events of Sakura’s life. The episode with the animals was particularly strong, with a new card that had a nice renovated design, and a really emotionally effective scene of Sakura and Syaoran embracing to help Sakura regain confidence to save her friends. It’s one of the strongest episodes of the series so far, so hopefully we’ll have more of those and less of the “finding a card that only minimally makes 10 cm from a bookshelf disappear” type. As a sidenote, I find Akiho’s obsession with Sakura’s play a bit offputting.

High Priority

Mahou Shojo Ore: Given how little I knew about this series going in and how excited I was about it in spite of it, I’m pleased to report the show has lived up to my expectations in one way or another. The weird comedy is on point and also everyone is fucking gay. I’m rooting for you Blue Girl! Easily the superior show with Mahou Shoujo in its title.

Hinamatsuri: You know, I didn’t have super high expectations for this one, but it’s turned out to be a very nice surprise. It has that charming paternal relationship between Nitta and Hina that is cute and hilarious. I have to say I’m not super into the classmate-forced-to-become-a-bartender storyline and I’m not sure how that even fits with the rest of the show, so I hope there won’t be a lot of vignettes about it.

Piano no Mori: Wonky CGI and occassionally questionable character design choices (Ajino was so BEAUTIFUL in his youth, why does he look so ridiculous in the present?!!!) aside, this has been one of the strongest premieres of the season. I know fans of the manga have criticized it, but as someone unfamiliar with the original, I’m definitely intrigued by this story.

BESTEST

Megalobox: This one wasn’t on my radar at all. It’s one of those numerous cases of me seeing a title that sounds stupid and deciding to ignore the show based on that alone. I’m glad I stumbled on all the praise the premiere episode received because damn is it good. The story behind the cameras is that this is a 50th anniversary project for Ashita no Joe, and it was meant to be a reboot, but the director couldn’t find a way to make it work, so he created something entirely new, and aren’t we glad about that. It has a unique retro look and although the plot beats do call back to Ashita no Joe, our Joe feels like his own person alright. I think my only nitpick is that I’m not entirely sure of what is even the point of the additional gear. Also, I know how Ashita no Joe ends and I hope this show won’t end like that too :’D

Golden Kamuy: How long has it been since the last time a multi-awarded manga not only wasn’t disappointing but ended up being one of the most promising anime adaptations of the season? Yes, everyone’s seen the ugly CGI bear, moving on, this is a captivating and unique historical show with a so far excellent portrayal of Ainu culture and a kickass lady coprotagonist.  I am really excited to see where this one will go. Also, it was really exciting to hear characters actually speaking ainu language. I’ve done some research on Ainu history (and kickass Ainu women) for school, so I’m very pumped about this one.

Otaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii: By far my favorite premiere of the season. So far, two episodes in, it’s all I ever hoped it would be and more. The characters are charming, Narumi and Hirotaka’s relationship feels natural and effortless -both the romantic aspect of it, and the way they easily become comfortable with one another-. Narumi is delightful and very well-rounded, being as cheerful and optimistic as she can be cynical, and her quick-developing friendship with Hanako is so violently relatable I was screaming. I really love this show. ALSO THE OP IS SUPER CUTE

I FINALLY FINISHED WRITING THIS IT TOOK FOREVER BECAUSE THERE IS TOO MUCH ANIME

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.04: “Mint Condition “

THEN: Michael's gone. Supposedly. Dean feels bad. Ghosts are a thing. Salt circles. Monster Kaia's magic spear.

NOW: A comic book/collectibles store. The camera pans over a variety of figurines and memorabilia, including a poster for the movie Hell Hazers, which you may remember from Hollywood Babylon, (thank you, Continuity Fairy!) and briefly pauses on a poster for the movie All Saints' Day before showing a television. Someone's watching Shocker TV, showing scary movies "24 hours a day, all week long." We see clips from Route 666 and that movie they were filming in Hollywood Babylon, whose name escapes me, as well as from a movie we will eventually find out is All Saint's Day. Cut to a guy unpacking a box of collectibles under the watchful eye of a long-haired freak right out of All Saints' Day. I keep waiting for this guy to realize he's being watched, but I am the one who eventually comes to a realization - that's not a guy, it's a statue.

The guy unpacks a box and literally drops it in shock. Because it's haunted, right? No, it's just a Thundercats collectible figure Panthro, in its original box. (No one in my house knows anything about Thundercats, but I assume this is a real character.) He stuffs the box in a backpack, and then his phone rings. The incoming call is a video call, which is weird, because people this age don't even call each other, let alone via video, but it makes for better television, so we'll let it go.

The caller is a girl named Sam, who is apparently his boss. She immediately starts berating the guy for his bad customer service, which resulted in a negative Yelp review. He promises to do better and confirms that she's coming over for game night. Stewart picks up his bag and a set of keys on a Batman keyring and locks up the store, under the watchful eye of the creepy statue.

(Boy, this is a lot of recap before we even get to the title card...)

We see Stewart at his house, arguing with a pizza delivery place. Panthro is sitting on a table and he turns and looks at him. It's surprisingly well done, BTW. Stewart turns to see Panthro on the floor, gets closer, watches Panthro swing his mace, and then screams.

Title card!

Bunker. Dean's lying on his bed, eating pizza and watching Hatchet Man: All Saints' Day, which is a gloriously cheesy salute to the 80s. Well, I'm glad he finally got a TV in his room, but does this mean the Fortress of Deanitude is no more? Is it full of refugee hunters now? Aw, that's sad.

{Sidebar: I wonder if this movie is called All Saints' Day because they knew the episode would be shown on All Saints' Day, and were being meta/clever? Or is it just supposed to be a riff on the Halloween franchise?}

Sam comes in and asks what he's doing, and when Dean looks up, he's shocked to see the Beard of Despair is gone. "Why are you so surprised?" Sam says. "Obviously, judging from my glorious scruff, it's been a few days since I shaved. Have you really not seen me in a day or two?" (No, he doesn't really say that.) But Dean says "it's so smooth; it's like a dolphin's belly." And it's not. It's really not. And as much as I love the scruff - which is quite a bit - I'd also like to see Sam's pretty face smooth as a dolphin's belly sometime. Just sayin'.

Sam (still) wonders if Dean's okay, since he hasn't really come out of his room in a week, which I guess explains how he missed the Big Shave. Dean expositions that Cas is "showing Jack the ropes," because if Jack wants to learn how to be a hunter, there's no better teacher than Cas, right? Absolutely no one. And with Monster!Kaia and Michael "in the wind," and his home full of strangers, Dean apparently figures he's got nothing better to do than hole up in his room watching Hatchet Man movies. (Is Hatchet Man the franchise, and All Saints' Day just one of the titles? I'm having trouble getting a grip on this.)

He knows Sam doesn't get it, because Sam doesn't even like scary movies. "Our life is a scary movie," Sam points out. And speaking of which, he's found a case. He shows Dean a YouTube video of a bloodied Stewart describing his Panthro attack, and I wish I could take credit for this catch, but I saw it on Tumblr... look at the left side of the screen. The "Recommended for You" videos are about zombies, a conspiracy theory, and how to clean your sink, which are all very interesting, but look at the "Up Next" video.

IT'S A FUNNY CAT VIDEO. HAS SAM BEEN WATCHING FUNNY CAT VIDEOS?

Oh, Sammy knows just what he's doing, and I love him for it. He's all, we don't have to take this case involving KILLER THUNDERCAT TOYS if you're not interested, but he's got Dean exactly where he wants him.

His smug little face at the end of this scene gives me life.

Guys, I was so ready for this. A MotW, and Sam giving Dean a hunt he knows he'll enjoy just to help him kick his Michael blues... This is the show I'm here for!

The guys show up at the comic book store dressed like absolute dorks, in short-sleeved shirts and ties. Sam has a pocket protector. I don't know why. But it's single-layer Winchesters and I'm gonna embrace it. Looks like this episode is happening on Halloween and not on All Saints' Day, because they're accosted by costumed children outside the store. Dean comments that Sam still isn't a fan of Halloween (which we've known ever since the pilot; thanks again to the Continuity Fairy). Sam confirms.

Apparently this red mask is a character Jensen voiced in an animation? And of course Jared was in House of Wax. Pretty deep meta here, Show.

BossLady!Sam is there, wearing a red plaid shirt, and Dean comments that she's like Sam's twin. "I don't know what you're talking about," Sam says, as he and BossLady!Sam tuck their hair behind their ears in sync, and I die.

That’s me, in a puddle on the floor.

“Soft, delicate features," Dean points out. "Luxurious hair. She's like your Wonder Twin." All of this is true, Dean, and good on you for noticing that your brother has soft, delicate features and luxurious hair. Sam notices a guy stocking the shelves - black All Saints' Day t-shirt, shortish spiky hair, lollipop just like the one Dean snagged at the door - and says "if that's me, then that's you over there."

Dean's distracted (and delighted) by the Hatchet Man statue, giving him the name David Yaeger. {Sidebar: did you know the word jager means hunter in German?} His doppelganger encourages him to push a button that plays his catch phrases from the movie, including "we all do bad things sometimes." Which is, like Dean's motto. Dean's joy is infectious and adorable.

BossLady!Sam finishes her business with the police and asks what she can do to help the guys, offering "Funko Pops, Magic cards," and given the number of Supernatural Funko Pops decorating my office, I'm pleased with that shout-out. Sam asks about Stewart as Dean asks about vintage Hot Wheels, and Dean, I am very sad to inform you that Hot Wheels apparently never made a 1967 Chevy Impala.

The guys introduce themselves as Ian Gillan and Ritchie Blackmore (Deep Purple, The Husband points out) from Campbell and Sons Insurance (hee!), wanting to speak to Stewart. Presumably not about Hot Wheels, unless he got run over by one. They'd gone to his place, but his roommate said he moved out. Or got kicked out. BossLady!Sam explains that Stewart is an "acquired taste" who makes a lot of online enemies, and he can be found at his mom's house.

I still don't understand why the guys are dressed like nerds. Is it a Halloween costume? Because we've seen them as insurance agents before, and they were wearing regular suits.

Mom's house. Mom puts a couple of mugs on the table - one is a superhero (Flash, maybe?) and one is decorated with cats - and announces that Stewie will be up in just a minute. Dean reaches for the superhero mug, even though it was placed in front of Sam, but the joke's on you, Dean, because we now know Sam likes cats! But more importantly, Dean has added a pair of black Clark Kent eyeglasses to his getup. WHY? I mean, it's hilarious, but WHY?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.

We hear Stewart pitching a fit in the basement. He stomps upstairs and sees the Winchesters, and I know the guy in the store was supposed to be Dean's avatar, but this guy is wearing a RED SHIRT WITH A SQUIRREL ON IT. COME ON .

Truly a Red Shirt of Bad Decisions.

We learn that Sam is aware of Fortnight, and Dean notices the smell of burning sage. Stewart explains that he dated a goth chick who told him it would bring good luck, but he broke up before they could "merl." Dean's as confused as I am about "merl," but Sam explains it's MIRL - Meet In Real Life. Dean asks how he knows what that means, and Sam very quickly changes the subject. And this opens up all sorts of interesting possibilities, doesn't it, regarding Sam's online activities and his knowledge of MIRLing, and that would certainly be an entertaining rabbit hole to go down, and I hope some of y'all indulge in that, fic-wise or meta-wise or whatever. I look forward to reading it.

Anyway. Sam asks about the Panthro attack, and Stewart jumps in to say he made it up. When Dean presses, he gets mad and kicks them out of the house and then we cut to an exterior shot and WHAT THE FUCK? NOW DEAN HAS A TACKY CHECKERED BLAZER? It's like he's slowly turning into Matt Foley from SNL. At some point in this episode he's got to say something about living in a van down by the river.

Dean refers to Stewart as "Big Bang," which reminds me that I meant to ask, when we first learned his name, if he was a shout-out to Stewart the comic book store owner on Big Bang Theory. {Sidebar: Would this be a reciprocal shout-out, since that show has a character named Kripke? Is there a connection I don't know about?} Given Stewart's Wiccan girlfriend, they think the toy might have been under a spell, and they decide to check the house for hex bags later. Although I don't know how she would have left any in the house, since they never MIRLed.

Later. The guys are sitting in the car, still outside Stewart's house, when a little lumberjack and vampire walk by. Look, it’s Dean and Benny!

Sam’s instructing someone to use lamb's blood and "stay safe," because he's still Chief, Dean, whether you like it or not. Dean asks "seriously, what is your deal with Halloween," and "don't give me that 'every day is Halloween for us' crap." It's kind of odd that he doesn't already know. I mean, we already know. His life is Halloween. And his mother died two days after Halloween. {Sidebar: Is it just headcanon, fueled by fanfic, that John got blind stupid drunk every year around the anniversary of Mary's death? Or is that canon?} The conversation is interrupted when Stewart's mom leaves the house, and the guys have to duck - toward each other - to avoid being seen. It's ridiculous and hilarious and I love it.

Dean could have just taken off the Clark Kent glasses.

Sam suspects Stewart changed his story because he's being brutally mocked online. And he won't say the word bitch. Is this something we can't do now that we're airing at an earlier hour, Show? Then Stewart comes out of the house, bloody and screaming for help. Dean goes inside, gun drawn, and follows a trail of blood to Stewart's man cave (um, boy cave?). As he gazes at a Texas Chainsaw Massacre poster, he hears a chain saw, which hurtles into the room and barely misses his pretty head.

Hospital. Stewart's mom, still in costume, sits at his side and thanks the guys for saving his life. She wants to go home and get his favorite pillow, but they convince her to stay. "Everything's fine," Dean tells her. "Everything is not fine," he says to Sam, as they leave the room. He says he swept the room for hex bags and found nothing, but the EMF went crazy. So it's a ghost. Hey, guys, you should have watched the "Then." We already knew that. Dean is going to stay at the hospital and keep Mom from going back to the house, while Sam asks around to see if anybody "got dead lately."

At the house, Sam finds the light switch in the Den of Stewartitude doesn't work, even though a lamp and computer monitors are turned on in the room. He laughs at himself for being startled by the Panthro toy and says "nice, Sam, smooth," and for some reason this just almost makes my heart burst open. The toy isn't putting off EMF now, which he finds odd. Then he looks at one of the monitors and sees a group photo of Stewart, LadyBoss!Sam, Dean's doppelganger, and an older man.

Back at the hospital, Dean's doppelganger is standing outside Stewart's darkened room. He is wearing an army green canvas jacket and has acquired some scruff of his own and he's just such a precious little mini Dean; I can't stand it. He asks what Dean's doing there, and Dean says he's just keeping an eye on Stewart. "He must have awesome insurance," Doppelganger says. Which is very funny, and also very Dean, because he says "awesome" so much. I love it.

Dirk explains that Stewart is a jerk, but he's his best friend, and he's there when Dirk needs him. They eat pizza and watch movies and who else does that, my friends? You know who. Then the guys bond over their love of scary movies, and it looks like the franchise is actually called All Saints' Day. I'm sure you were really dying to know. Stewart comments that no hospital would ever be that empty, and Dean says he's been to a lot of hospitals at night, and "trust me, it gets pretty empty," and at first that's just heartbreaking because I figure he was at these hospitals because John or Sam were injured. But maybe he's just thinking about hunts in hospitals. (Again, I need to differentiate fic-fueled headcanon from actual canon.) And then Dean says he likes to watch movies "where I know the bad guy's gonna lose" and yep, my heart is definitely broken.

Sam shows up at the store and asks BossLady!Sam if anyone close to Stewart has died lately. She explains that Jordan, who used to own the store, was kind of a Willy Wonka to her, Stewart, and Dirk (Aha! His name is Dirk! Which is close to Dean, and hasn't Dean actually been called Dirk before?). He died and left the store to BossLady!Sam and Dirk. Not Stewart, because he fired him twice for stealing. But she hired him back because he's a friend. It seems like Stewart has better friends than he deserves. She tells Sam that Jordan was cremated, and then we see something frosting over behind her.

Sam is adorable, trying to look casual as he pulls out his EMF meter and it lights up like a Christmas tree. He tells her it's a carbon monoxide detector and she needs to leave. He starts to tell her she's in danger, and then the David Yeager statue smacks him into the comic book display and knocks him out cold. Even though he hits it with his back. (Handwave!)

When he wakes up, BossLady!Sam is terrified but unhurt. She gets a quick version of the "monsters are real" speech and finds that the door is locked, and Hatchet Man took the keys. He throws something at the door, but it's shatterproof glass. Apparently Jordan was serious about thieves, which explains why he's so keen on killing Stewart, that Panthro-stealing little asshole.

He calls Dean, who's fanboying with Dirk about horror movies, and tells him it's Jordan's ghost. And the David Yaeger figure is on its way. Dean can hardly believe his luck. He pours a ring of salt around Stewart's bed, having given him the speech, and orders him to stay in it. Boy, it's a good thing they reminded us what salt is for in the "Then," or else we'd be really confused right now.

Store. BossLady!Sam figured out what I did, that Jordan wants to kill Stewart because he's a thief. She says she's been taking money out of his check to pay for what he steals, but Jordan wouldn't know that. Sam breaks his lockpick, and then asks if they have any cleaning supplies.

Hospital. Ghost stuff starts happening in Stewart's room, and Dirk panics and flees. Dean takes a hatchet out of a fire emergency box, even though I think that would probably set off a fire alarm. (Handwave!) Dirk's mom is carrying a tray of food from the cafeteria and comes across the Yaeger figure. She drops her tray and screams, just like the woman in the movie. Dirk shows up and puts on a stern face and tells Jordan that if he's going to kill his friend, he has to go through him. Oh Dirk, you sweet little thing, you're channeling Dean so hard now and I adore you. Jordan does come for Dirk, who says "crap" and runs off. There's a funny sequence where we cut back and forth between Dirk and some hospital guards who are watching All Saints' Day and ignoring the actual mayhem happening on their monitors.

Meanwhile, Sam is mixing drain cleaner and something else in a Scooby Doo lunchbox. {Sidebar: I'm not a Scooby Doo fan, but I love the show's constant references to it and the way the Continuity Fairy always remembers Dean's a fan.} BossLady!Sam asks how he learned to do this, and he says "I had a messed up childhood." It's funny because it's true. He hangs the lunchbox bomb on the door and they hide behind the desk. After it blows the door open, they both slowly peek over the desk and simultaneously say "cool." I'm starting to love Sam and his little doppelganger too.

Hospital. Dirk hides in the morgue (no, Dirk, never in the morgue!) and gets a scary hand on his shoulder, but it's Dean. Then a body on one of the gurneys sits up. Yeah, it's Yaeger.

At this point there's a fake movie promo for All Saints' Day III: The Reckoning. It starts out "Three Years Ago," which reminds me very much of a certain scene that starts out "Twenty two years ago." Looks like David Yaeger was killed in a fire on October 31, 1983, which is two days before Mary Winchester dies in a fire. Oh, you clever, clever show.

Back to the show. Dean gleefully fights the Yaeger figure. At least he's gleeful until it seems he's not doing very well. Sam and BossLady!Sam show up, and she's wearing Jared's coat from the EW Halloween photoshoot last year.

Bless you, Show.

She figures out that Jordan must be attached to the Batman keychain. Meanwhile, Dean is cornered, and about to get axed, when precious little badass Dirk stabs Jordan in the back. It doesn't kill him, of course, but it gives Dean a chance to get up and start losing the fight again. The Sams run in and BossLady!Sam figures out that alcohol will help them burn the keychain faster. Whoosh! There goes Jordan, and the statue falls lifeless to the floor.

Aftermath. The guys tell Dirk and BossLady!Sam that everyone is safe now. The Impala scene starts with Dean thanking Sam for "giving me a win." Sam asks him to stop hiding out in his room. "What happened with Michael, you said yes for me, for Jack, for your family. You did the right thing." He says nothing Michael did afterward is Dean's fault, and he needs to stop blaming himself.

"I'm never gonna get over it, okay?" Dean says. "I'm just not." And once again, Sam could say "yes, I understand how you feel, because I've been there too," not to make this all about him, but just to commiserate and show Dean that he's not just blowing off his horrific experience, he knows how bad it was and he might have some good ideas about getting past it. And once again, he does not. But that's okay. What isn't okay is what happens next. Dean asks again why Sam hates Halloween, and Sam tells some ridiculous story about having a crush on a girl in sixth grade and throwing up on her at her Halloween party, and you know what? I just refuse to accept this. WE KNOW WHY SAM HATES HALLOWEEN. AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A GIRL IN SIXTH GRADE. I don't know why you're doing this to me, Davy Perez. You're usually so good about canon. I cannot accept that Sam Winchester, whose entire life has been Halloween, whose mother died two days after Halloween, is distressed because of something that happened in sixth grade. I'm going to pretend this part never happened. Who's with me?

Dean says that next year, he and Sam are going to wear couples costumes (and if you happened to be wearing your shipping goggles, I think I heard you squealing). Batman and Robin. Bert and Ernie. (!) Rocky and Bullwinkle. (!!) Shaggy and Scooby. Turner and Hooch. Ren and Stimpy. Thelma and Louise. "We just it in drive and go." {Sidebar: Who wants the show to end that way, Thelma and Louise style?}

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, one of those useless security guards finds the Yaeger figure in the morgue. The guys left it there? Oh well. It's a good horror movie ending.

So! For the most part, this was just what I needed after three episodes of mytharc. A good MOTW with lots of humor and nods to canon. On the other hand, there's that one thing. But since I'm ignoring that one thing, I guess this was a fantastic episode! What did you guys think?

Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!