#journal entry 1

[something-tofightfor]

July 31 - August 3 (Day)

[ladybugjournal]

The Ladybug Journal

30 July 2024

Dear Future Ladybug,

I've decided to keep make this "Ladybug Journal" to look back on later in life. This will serve as a digital reminder that we made it. That I have grown. It will also serve as tiny little entries to look back on cherish, or cry about, or just remember. Recently, a friend described me as a writer by nature, and thus, I write.

I'll keep this intro brief.

To start, I want to introduce myself and give you some context for what's going on in our life now. Future Ladybug, I hope things get better, I hope we get out, I hope this excitement and hopefulness we are allowing ourself to feel works out.

I am 24 years old at the time of starting this journal. I'm currently sitting on my parents' couch, in their air conditioned house in the desert. I'm house/pet sitting for them while they are in Vegas (Mom is doing her tournament and Dad is cheering her on/winning more money than her) and I've successfully binge watched the entire first season of Roswell New Mexico, yet again and have been annoying the hell out of Magoo and everyone (but mainly Magoo) talking about the Olympics. It's really is so funny to me how every 4 years I become the biggest sports fan and also love the USA.

Side note about the Olympics: I love routing for the USA as like an umbrella team (because I am from the USA) but also, I do have individual athletes from all over who I love (specifically Tom Daley who I've loved forever and is the reason I even started watching the Summer Olympics [I'm still more of a Winter Olympics girl tbh]).

It's July, so I'm here for Mom and Dad's birthday(s) and it's 2024 so I'm also here to get away from my current living situation back on the coast. I'm trying not to think about them though and I'm trying to not psych myself out too bad about going back even though there are some things I'm really not looking forward to. But I've realized it's only a couple months until I can get out for good. (More on this later, I'm sure).

We (me and you, the future me) decided to go back to school, and I'm freaking out just a little. I'm excited though, I'm ready for the change, I'm ready for the new adventure, I'm ready to get the fuck out of the city in which I currently live. I'll be sad to leave some of my friends, but I know those who are my actual friends will stay my friends despite the distance and those who are not are not will simply not.

Life is actually pretty good, despite everything (which I will rant about later). I'm trying to live my life as freely and happily as I can, and I'm just trying to be content while doing it.

So here is this journal, a letter to my future self, a live history of me, and a place where I can share my story. Yes it is public, and yes it is on tumblr, but this is for me and for you (future me).

Goodnight, Ladybug (present/the future's past)

[ellegay204]

When I was younger my mom told me to write her letters. I usually would sing and listen to Jo Dee Messina in our bedroom to express myself and loved to share it with the whole house.

So I learned to write to express myself or just share on Facebook and Tumblr or watch YouTube music with the lyrics .

[anatomic-adoration]

6/23/23

I made this blog with the intention of joining the studyblr community, but it doesn't hurt to throw some personal journaling in too.

It was warm today, sunny too, so I grabbed my most comfortable boots and headed out on one of my not so famous "adventures." It started off normal, of course, walking past the various bars and statues scattered throughout the college town. They were never my thing, but I've grown somewhat fond of the familiar territory. It's nice that there's plenty of things to use as landmarks since I can't find my way anywhere without a GPS. I gave the nose of the university's opossum mascot statue a rub for luck, then diverged from the sidewalk in favor of the "scenic" route.

It was peaceful, just enjoying the sunshine that peaked through the trees and climbing over rocks and run down fences. Rubbing the opossum's nose must've worked, because right by one of the fences was a dead bunny! The poor thing was half eaten and covered in those really pretty flies that have an iridescent green body. I took a picture and wished it a good afterlife. or reincarnation? or at least some peace in its eternal rest.

But none of that was new. The reason I felt the need to write this down is the woods spit me out right next to a bunch of cool stores I've never seen before. One of them was a coffee shop I'd never heard of, so I figured I'd give it a try.

The place was cooler than I could've imagined- alternative music was playing over the speakers, skull decor, and almost all the drinks had silly edgy names to match the aesthetic. I ordered a tea called "The Cure" (lemon, ginger, and just a hint of mint mixed together with some honey), then decided to do a little people watching while I waited for it to cool.

It was by no means crowded, but it was still fascinating to see that literally everyone there had an alternative look. There was an incredibly fun mixture of subcultures, but I found myself coming back again and again to this one punk looking guy there.

His hair was a grayish colour and he had a collection of piercings that complemented his jacket, which had a bunch of patches and some metal embellishments, including spikes. He was clearly pretty tall too; his chair looked tiny by comparison, and his legs didn't fit well under the table, leaving them pressed against the wood above them. Despite his obvious size and style, he still looked nervous to be there.

I know anyone can have anxiety, but there was something about seeing a man who would be labeled "trouble" by the average person being in such an uncomfortable state himself. I know it sounds mean, but the stark contrast was kind of amusing. I'd love to know how aware he is of the irony.

He noticed my staring, and I guess it made him uncomfortable because he rushed out pretty soon after catching on. As I drank my tea, I couldn't stop dwelling on the situation. I wish I could say I'm sorry; I never mean to stare for too long, but when something catches my eye it just... happens.

C'est la vie. I'll probably go back to the coffee shop again to try their other drinks, maybe a pastry too, so there's still a chance I'll see him again. Maybe I'll work up the nerve to apologize at this hypothetical next time.

Back to studying for the time being.

[honeybeedollie]

It's the little things....

[tippenfunkaport]

I like to headcanon that Melog is just the biggest busybody. It's been bored and alone on a dead planet for decades with no one to talk to, the mundane day to day drama of other people is such a novelty to it, it can't get enough. Plus it can become invisible and doesn't have a great grasp of privacy so it's forever listening in on conversations and generally getting way too invested in everyone's personal business.

Which means Catra, to her vast dismay, knows everyone's secrets. She would really REALLY rather not and has tried to teach Melog about boundaries but the creature does what it wants. But it means that sometimes she finds out about some misunderstanding or missed connection going on that is so downright stupid that it's just going to drive her nuts if she lets it continue so she begrudgingly has to insert herself into this drama to match-make or clear up an argument literally just so she doesn't have to hear about it anymore.

Which means, to her absolute horror she gets this reputation of being near psychic, so good at resolving personal drama that people come to her with their problems no matter how she tries to deter them and meanwhile it's really because Tealog over here is addicted to gossip.

[thingsarentgreat]

I don't know how to tell you that you should care about other people.

I keep reflecting to determine if there's something more within me that's causing me to still feel so incredibly sick by it all. Really trying to expose the raw roots of the feeling to see if it stems from some kind of selfishness. And I suppose it does. But to reduce it to just that would also be lying, because it's a combination of poisons down in that soil. It's betrayal and a feeling of isolation amongst a group I thought I once knew, and then that selfish and bitter root grows in like a weed. I can only quietly observe to myself: "ah. this is where the radicalization and rampant nationalism come from. this is why I see it flowering in my family."

It's because I feel my trust breaking all over again each time I forget about it and try to go on with my business. I remember that I still can't mourn publicly without someone educating me on why obviously if I'm mourning, I must have Insert Political Alignment Here. I remember the utter silence and the downright celebration of more civilian deaths because "oh, fuckin Yaya or whatever deserved it after what Israel does."

For the record, Yaya-Or-Whatever didn't deserve it, and I still remember the lead dropping into my stomach upon hearing that from a friend. No one deserves it. No one ever deserves it.

I don't know how to tell you that you should care about other people.

Maybe that's a quote leftists recognize, but I realize now that few of them actually stick to it across the board. And I'm admittedly selfish, because I hoped that leftists could at least have a moment to care about my people suffering too before getting back to helping the people who currently need the most help. But instead we got "Yaya-Or-Whatever Deserved It." And I've been laying here for months watching everyone on the left just go back to the usual armchair activism as if they didn't just fucking say that, and when I do bring it up, suddenly I'm the problem for pointing out that it was fucked up.

You won't erase it, fyi. We saw you say it. Some of you said it with your full fucking chest. You were callous and let the antisemites into the bar by openly celebrating Jewish death. Then you pretended we were talking about Palestine when we pointed out your antisemitic actions. You know that's not what we were even pointing to as an example. But it's very convenient for you to pretend we don't know the difference, isn't it?

I don't know. It's just a reminder that most of you are actually all talk and virtue signals. There's no actual substance behind your ideals, you're just adhering to the party line, same as conservatives do. I guess I was naive to think otherwise. It's disingenuous for you to wonder why people leave the leftist movement as a whole and "suddenly" flip sides. You know why, and it's reasons like this - you're just covering it up and pretending it's a totally different, more convenient reason.

Tldr; you're hypocrite ass leftists and fuck you. You should be ashamed of how you acted.

[muriel-not-the-dim-one]

@actual-changeling explained, beautifully in my opinion, what happened that afternoon in the bookstore. I did look in the window but only for a moment to thank Mr. Fell for the book Mr. Crowley gave me. At that moment, I realized what “broken heart” really meant.

I decided to write down some things for Mr. Crowley in case he ever came back by. I’m only a 37th scrivener, but I keep very good records.

From the journal of Muriel, 37th Scrivener, Assistant Bookstore Keeper to Mr. AZ Fell: Entry #1

It’s been *7 hours and 15 days*, since Mr. Fell and Mr. Crowley left. I keep finding things to keep myself busy, but I find myself missing them both.

I love the books. The rich smell of them. The sweet bergamot, leather, Earl Grey and Talisker that lingered in the back room especially.

Sometimes I take Mr. Fells soft, grey jacket off the coat rack, where it has lived since he left, wrap it around my body and sit in the sunlight, my body tucked into the chair I have come to love. The first time I did this, it was almost a guilty feeling. Like peeking into someone’s private memories without their permission. But as time went on, it became soothing, calming, loving.

I close my eyes and see flashes of memories. Meeting the snake/demon in the garden. Feeling that first rain, and the overwhelming feeling to protect the demon. To cover him with his wing, when what they really wanted to do was wrap him tightly, hold him close. To take away the pain they felt within.

Sometimes I never even opened the blinds in the shop. (That came as no surprise to anyone who was familiar with the bookshop and it’s strange hours.) The memories flooding through me, transporting me to a time that only a deep love can take you to. As much as I loved reading the books, wearing Aziraphales jacket was like BEING in a book, like living each moment.

Standing with Crawley/ Crowley feeling the rain on their face as the flood was beginning. Sensing the pain inside the demon as he looked at the kids playing. I knew something was wrong with this, but God had to do it, right? I just couldn’t put my finger on why.

Being in Rome, hearing Crowleys voice. Aziraphales heart (even though angels and demons didn’t need them) leaping in excitement, only to feel the overwhelming anger, anxiety, deep shame (?) not because of Crowley or what he had done, but because of the human capacity for evil, far worse than even hell and it’s demons were capable of. Trying to joke with Crowley about still being a demon, only to have it backfire in his face. Telling Crowley he was in Rome to go to a new restaurant. (I really need to try some of the human food. If it was as good as the cuppatea and cocoa I had tasted, I was pretty sure I would like it.) Aziraphale offering to tempt Crowley with oysters and the warmth that surged through their body when Crowley looked at Aziraphale, that half smile radiating like the sun within them.

Standing in a crowd, watching the horror they were inflicting on this beautiful, kind soul. Hearing Crawley/Crowley come up beside him. Turning to look at the demon, her beauty radiating. She cared deeply for the carpenter, and couldn’t understand until Aziraphale told her the message the carpenter was delivering, why they would choose to hurt him. That memory seemed the most painful to me.

Realizing Crowley would face a horrible death if Hell ever found out about Job and what Crowley had done. The pride I felt knowing that Aziraphale, his love of Humanity and Crowley, would be willing to sacrifice his life as well.

On and on the memories went, flashes of joy, love, and a never ending relationship between them.

The Globe and Shakespeare. Why did Aziraphale deny Crowley so much? I couldn’t decide if it was fear or protectiveness.

The way Crowley would do anything for him.

Saving him from the Bastille when he could have saved himself.

Realizing Crowley was always watching out for his Angel. The nazis and possible discorporation, saving Aziraphales beloved books. The touch of his hand as he gave him the sachel. The almost breathlessness I felt at that moment revealing the depth of love that Aziraphale felt for Crowley. The magic show Crowley gave him the confidence to do.

Crowleys note when he asked Aziraphale for insurance. The complete HORROR he felt when he thought Crowley wanted it in case he needed to destroy himself. It seemed to Crowley the way Aziraphale acted, he was appalled at him for asking. Like he thought he wanted him to possibly get into trouble for it. In reality, Aziraphale couldn’t bear the thought of a life without Crowley, the pain and terror showing on his face.

Later hearing about Crowleys “little caper” scared Aziraphale. It made him almost go mad with worry. He knew no one involved but he, understood what even one drop of Holy Water could do to Crowley. As much of a danger, sneaking Holy Water to a demon could be for Aziraphale, he was NOT going to let this happen. He was not going to allow a chance that anything could happen to Crowley.

The sense of relief, the deep love, the rush of feeling, I heard the words almost spoken with an ache, “Aziraphale DOES love me as much as I love him.” The power so strong, so beautifully pure it slammed me in the chest. I had to stand and take the jacket off.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and as I touched the wetness on my cheeks, unbelievably aching for an Angel and a Demon that were kind to me.

*End Journal Entry for the day*

I began sorting through the books, anything to keep myself busy, willing the tears to stop.

[cryolyst]

~

[maternity-morningstar]

Pages 1-8 of Lucifer’s Journal

Days 1 - 6 of Journal Keeping

First 3 pages are from Day 1 of journaling.

[remembertheplunge]

My leather bound journal which containing 2020 entries

Including the entry dated June 1, 2020 about my homeless friend MAC

[starrysnowdrop]

Wolmeric Week 2023

#1: First Meeting

28th Sun of the Fifth Umbral Moon, Year 1 of the Seventh Astral Era

Today, I met the most drop dead GORGEOUS man I have ever seen in my life! I might never recover!

Okay, let me back up just a bit. I was supposed to be going back to St. Coinach’s Find to help Raha and the others with the investigation of the Crystal Tower, but instead I was told that Alphi had requested to see me. This wasn’t all too strange, but then he sprung it on me that we were to be meeting with the Lord Commander of the Temple Knights of Ishgard. I was intrigued by this, of course, as I still have not given up my desire to learn more about Ishgardian Astrology. But then Alphi said that the Lord Commander himself had requested that I be there. No, not any Warrior of Light, but ME. And he knew my name and specifically wanted me to be there so he could meet me in person. So that already made me a bit nervous, since… why me, right?

But then when we get to the meeting room in Camp Dragonhead, a man and a woman walk in, which I look up and my mouth falls open. The elezen man is gorgeous! And I mean he is absolutely beautiful! His black hair fell into his face in waves, his eyes were a piercing ice blue, and his lips were plump and oh so kissable… or so I imagine. And before I could actually steady myself and try to conduct myself with any kind of hint of professionalism, he begins to speak. OH MY GODS, his voice was just sinful! It was dripping with sex, and I am not kidding when I say I stood there with my eyes wide and I truly lost all composure.

When he introduced himself, which I now know his name is Aymeric, and a sexy name at that how dare he, and he turned to me and said that he had been looking forward to meeting me, I stumbled over all my words and likely looked like a fool in doing so. I’m still mad that I wasn’t informed of how beautiful this man was so I could’ve better prepared myself.

Oh and then the meeting went on and things were discussed, then interrupted by Iceheart and the heretics, you know, normal, boring, political stuff. But I’m still not sure why Aymeric had wanted to meet me specifically. Yes, I was there to confirm the Ishgardian Astrologian’s observations that I too had seen the waxing of the Dragonstar, but I didn’t think that was entirely necessary for the negotiations to continue. So… why me?

Anyways, I need to get ready for bed now, and I know who I’ll be dreaming about tonight.

[longwayhome-laststop]

"HARK YE SEEKERS OF THE LUMINOUS SANCTUARY AND LEND THINE EYES TO THE ANCIENT TEXT UPON THIS LECTERN. IN DAYS OF YORE WHEN SHADOWS DANCED UPON THE EARTH A RADIANT FORCE BEGOT A TALE OF UNDYING LIGHT. THIS TOME BEARS WITNESS TO THE WHISPERS OF THE RADIANT SPIRITS THEIR MURMURS ECHOING THROUGH THE CORRIDORS OF THIS SACRED ABODE. MAY THE GLOW GUIDE THEE THROUGH THE SHADOWS AND MAY THY HEART RESONATE WITH THE HARMONIES OF THE ANCIENT LIGHT."

[DAY 11]

Found a book in some ruins today. I'm not used to reading the common language yet, so it took me a while to translate it. Thankfully it wasn't a warning, because I didn't wait before I checked all the other rooms.

Two traps, I walked right into both of them. The first was tripwire-triggered, the second pressure-sensitive. The valuables were worth it, I think. Some flying blue soul-creatures were trapped in one of the rooms. I tried to feed them once they were freed but they only hold what I offered, don't eat it, but they follow me around as if they did. I've named them accordingly. I'll ask what they are when I'm next within range. Caught a bird as well. It sings pretty.

I think this place used to be a shrine or other place of worship. There's a library, two storage rooms, and the other rooms were destroyed or ransacked. There was only the one readable book left, the others were waiting to be written in or books of enchantment. I think I'll make my first outpost here and gather myself for the coming travel.

I like this place. The sky is too big and too bright and the caves here are too lonely. This is a good start.

[the-mafia-bear]

Every one of these idiots has my fur graying by the minute.

Their so called "boss" doesn't even fucking talk. I'm deeply ashamed that they somehow got me on a leash...

@dia-smthidk gonna be roleplaying from here now lol

[alisheaburgess]

My Coding Certification Half-Sprint: Day 1/7...It Begins!

I have been seduced by learning once again!

I have one month access to an entire collection of video courses (a huge library). They come with CERTIFICATES!!!! This is both a dream and a nightmare for me. So many options is too many options! 😂😅

I want to learn it all...and I keep trying to do it! HELP!

I started out just casually looking for game design courses. Then I found UX, then UI...then a BUNCH of other things...

And now I have found coding. Something I didn't know I wanted, nay...needed!

I am going to try and record my goals for courses and understanding what I want and need next here... I am getting way too overwhelmed with all the options available. (help, I'm a baby in a candy shop!)

My goals for today:

Finish the "Career Essentials in Soft Dev" and take the test...it makes sense

At least 1 HTML course (2+ hours long each)

Finish the Accessibility course for UX (another 2hrs)

Stare down the CSS course so it gets intimidated and doesn't know that its beefy 5hrs is scary...(at least 5 mins, reapply as needed)

Finish the Figma video that I keep starting and get distracted in...poor video

Recheck job listings to make sure that the things I'm learning together make sense... "Can I sell the employee/freelancer that I'm building?" 😅😂🤣

I think that's plenty for today... If I do more I do more... I'm just finishing up the UX training and only starting the Dev stuff. 👀 wish me luck and uh...focus lol

[trissaysmoi]

September 8th, Sunday

Moi!

I overslept again but later in the day, I became surprisingly productive and, in the mood to do my planned tasks for the day.

I wrote a new chapter, attended mass, did my laundry, and folded my dry clothes. I also get to eat pasta that's given to us by our kind neighbor next door.

I also finally shared to my irls that I'm officially graduating. You know, I only share the good things to them and not the negative things happening to me this year (which was a lot than the good things unfortunately lol. 2024 wasn't really my year i suppose). We're not obliged to tell everything to everyone anyway.

I believe that all of us is an iceberg and most of the time, we only see each other's tip. I myself prefer to present only the tip of my iceberg because I don't think everyone deserves to see all of it.

So yeah, back to the "all of us is an iceberg" thing, it's important for us to stay kind to people because we actually don't know their whole story. What they're presenting to others is just a tip of their icebergs.