#just by being awesome yourself and being open and vulnerable with folks | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

marahuyos · 4 years ago

Text

anon asked: If requests are still open, I'd like to request claude, edelgard, dimitri and maybe yuri (pre or post timeskip) from fe 3h having to deal with an impulsive s/o who is overprotective if you don't mind me asking

*:･ﾟ✧ i may have messed up the request so sorry sksks

gn!reader

tw: spoilers for all post timeskip routes

✧ Claude von Riegan

• He feels exhilarated and curious all at the same time. He’s never met anyone that piqued his interest as hard as Byleth and... they were Byleth. He hasn’t seen anyone who was as outspoken as you are even when he’s seen a lot of common folk. Hell, even when you two are together, he feels like he hasn’t cracked you down even though you bare your heart to him so easily. He hates the feeling but at the same time he would revel in the risk of leaving him vulnerable for someone that wasn’t himself.

• Speaking of laying bare, he’s not used to this-to have someone else care for him. All his life, he had only himself to depend on, not trusting the words from Almyra and Fodlan alike. He keeps everyone at a respectable distance from his heart and he was content with that.

• But when you came along, everything changed for him.

• He still remembers the day that he first saw you; he was assigned weeding duty from Byleth due to another prank caused by him. Alongside Claude, they picked you, a random student who wanted to be an armored knight at some point, so you always asked Byleth to assign you in weeding. Not the best type of training for your calves and spine but at least it's something productive for Garreg Mach.

• Of course, Claude wouldn't want to pick out weeds so his next scheme is to see how far he could annoy you. Not that he bared any resentment towards you but hey, a man has to kill boredom somehow. Before he could try and see if he could get a beetle to drop in your clothes, other students strolled by. Faceless ones that Claude won't probably remember but he knows that they were the types who mutter under their breath on anything that they find hilarious.

• "Look at that," one of them says to their friend, "a rat and a loudmouth doing the church's work." • "Honestly, what were they thinking of letting trash like them in Garreg Mach?"

• Claude could care less about petty words, he's grown past them. But he was taken aback when you raised your voice at the two. "Don't call me a loudmouth if I wring you both by the necks in the next mock battle!"

• And after disposing the beetle, disarming the possible fight that was happening in a weedy field, and convincing Seteth that no, it was not Claude who started the fight this time, he's found an interest in you. He hasn't had this impulsive person in his life other than Judith and it scares him. It scares him that he places his trust in you, knowing that you would say what ever is on your mind and that you might find him repulsive like a street rat.

• But you never do. Past your brazen personality and iron fists when it comes to defending Claude, you still treat him like a person ("Because you deserve it, dumbass. Don't go making a spiel on how mysterious you are.").

• Even when he became the King of Unification, people would remember how he stares at you in absolute reverence whenever you tell him that the new Leicester Alliance is making your head spin harder than Lorenz's pick-up lines.

✧ Edelgard von Hresvelg

• She's grown an interest in you. She's never met anyone who ever spoken their mind so freely compared to you. Sure there was Dorothea, but even the girl has secrets that she keeps to herself. To you, listening to your random spiels about everything that you've seen, Edelgard is not even annoyed. In fact, she looks forward to listening to your daily ramblings.

• Even when people began to talk behind your backs, she still invites you to tea time as you talk. She doesn't mind them but she knows when you hear them as she sighs through her nose when she hears your insults to them. It was another fight that she has to dismiss and another apology towards Seteth.

• Still, she wouldn't change it for the world. Not when you tell her that she was the stupidest person alive to issue a worldwide purge, when she could've headed towards a less bloody path, when she didn't have to waste what little is left of her precious life. She could only let a tired smile stretch across her face as she cradles your bloodied hands.

• "Maybe so," she said, "but at least... I am somewhat sane when I have you to bring me back to reality."

• Despite this, you never detached from Edelgard's side. As dutifully as her personal guard and lover, you defended her from outlandish cries, from assassination attempts, from her own demons that plague her mind. Your brash words and physical strength is what kept the woman grounded and like hell is Edelgard going to let you go.

• Even when going down in history, historians depicted Edelgard as a ruthless ruler clad in red with her lover holding her like she was their world.

✧ Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd

• He's met his fare share of impulsive people such as Sylvain and Felix. But he hasn't met anyone such as yourself. He practically had heart eyes already when you started spewing how awesome he was a throwing his spear and how he was practically cool in general. He's never met anyone so honest as you that it scares him.

• It scares him how easily it must be to break your heart should he reject you (but thank Seiros he didn't, he'd be a damn fool to do so). But he sees that you were tough as nails. He sees that you don't break as easily compared to plates or the sewn items Mercedes had made. He can't help but be thankful for someone who's as solid as a rock, for someone he can rely on when he feels the winds of change course.

• ... Is what I've described but it's really just holding Dimitri's hand while he blushes so hard you fear he might pass out while you were staring at him with a dumb smile.

• It doesn't help that both of you are overprotective of each other. It wouldn't be long for either party to brandish their weapons at any foreseeable threat. It takes the likes of Dedue, Felix, Raphael when he's available, and Rhea herself to pry you two away from causing mass genocide.

• ... Yeah about that. See what happened in the Azure Moon route. But hey! You weren't the one committing genocide!

• Even if he pushes you away, threatens you, confesses that a monster like him doesn't deserve you, you've returned to becoming Dimitri's anchor. You were the one who slapped some sense (figuratively or literally is up to your interpretation) when the rest of the Blue Lions came back. You've become his anchor and now, his next spouse to lead the new Fodlan in a time of peace.

✧ Yuri Leclerc

• In this case, you were someone in the Abyss just like the Ashen Wolves are. Yuri isn’t the type to let anyone close to him; he only places his trust to those who aren’t savages like Dimitri or Edelgard. In fact, he seems to trust you more than anyone else because of how honest you are even with the rocky start.

• The rocky start being that you were way too honest for your own good. There was no way you survived in the Abyss letting your mouth run like that. He’s always at a complete stand-still when you’re picking fights against his men who questioned his leadership. He hasn’t met anyone who honestly cares for him, the last time he remembers was his own mother. He clenches his fist each time he remembers but it wasn’t anger. He felt... happy knowing that you got his back.

• With you being your honest self, Yuri feels like he can be at ease. He doesn’t have to make multiple personas to talk to you, he’s already seen your true persona. He can let the tension off his shoulders when you say that his current make-up looks like hell and that you wanted to try and fix it for him (and he’ll always let you with a small smirk on his face).

• He’s appreciative of you being overprotective, even when there was a war for Fodlan. Yuri knows that you have his back no matter what and that he’s glad that he has someone like you to lead the Abyss amidst this war. Even if he hasn’t revealed his true name to you, the amount of trust you put on him makes him exhilarating and sick at the same time.

• He hopes that he shouldn’t write your name on his notebook someday soon. But maybe one day, in a Goddess Tower maybe, he would confess to you his true name with your hand in marriage.

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #fe3h imagines #claude von riegan #claude von riegan x reader #claude von riegan imagines #edelgard x reader #edelgard imagines #edelgard von hresvelg #dimitri x reader #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd imagines #yuri leclerc #yuri leclerc imagines #yuri leclerc x reader

283 notes · View notes

dreamypeaches · 5 years ago

Text

don’t wake up pt. 3 | rafe cameron x reader

summary: you and rafe grow closer, and the line between dreams and reality starts to blur

warnings: SMUT (unprotected), drug use mention, cursing, ward cameron being a dick of a father

word count: 3.7k (it’s a big one folks)

a/n: wow, thank you all for the amazing response to this series! it makes me so happy to see all your likes, reblogs, and comments, you have no idea. this part is long and sweet and honestly some of the best writing i’ve ever done. part 4 might take a little longer, since i go back to work tomorrow, but it should be up by the end of the week. also, warning, we jump right into the smut on this one. absolutely 0 foreplay.

series masterlist

“Fuck, Rafe!” you screamed as Rafe’s fingers started working on your clit.

“Don’t cum yet, angel. You know what happens when you don’t listen.”

His grip around your throat tightened as he continued to slam into you from behind. Your hands searched for something, anything to ground you, to keep your impending orgasm as bay. Your back was pressed against Rafe’s chest, keeping you far away from the sheets you wanted to grasp. Instead, your hands reached up and made a home in Rafe’s hair, making him groan as you pulled hard on it.

“Please, Rafe, please let me cum. I can’t hold it much longer!”

Rafe hit your pussy with a rough slap that nearly sent you over the edge.

“What did I fucking say?” He growled in your ear. Despite what he was saying, Rafe loved hearing you beg to cum. He moved his fingers faster, thrusts becoming sloppy but harder as he felt himself getting closer.

Right when he reached the edge, Rafe leaned close to your ear and whispered, “Come for me, angel.”

You met your release with a scream, Rafe following right after you. He held you against him, giving a few more lazy thrusts as you both rode out your orgasms. For a few moments you were both still, Rafe still filling you up but no longer thrusting. Rafe felt his heart beating fast against his chest, his breathing just as fast, same as yours. He placed a few soft kisses on your neck before slowly releasing you, laying you onto your stomach on the bed. He quickly ran to the bathroom to dispose of the condom before joining you on his bed, pulling you onto his chest.

A month had passed since the first time you two had hooked up. Rafe had texted you that same morning, telling you how much he wanted to do that again. And so you did. At least once a week (most of the time more) Rafe texted you or you texted Rafe wanting to meet up. You would either drive to his house or he would pick you up if someone else in your family was using the car. Then you’d head back to the Cameron residence and spend the rest of the night tangled in each other (though there was one time Rafe couldn’t control himself for the entire drive, pulling off to the side of the road and taking you right then and there).

You didn’t talk much about your arrangement, refusing to put labels on it for fear of ruining the moments you had. Moments that neither you or Rafe wanted to give up. It really was like a dream to Rafe. You came to him at night caressing him, touching him in ways no one else had before. No matter how rough he was with you, your touches were always gentle and caring, as if you weren’t just touching his skin and instead reaching in to touch his soul. When he was done making you scream and come undone beneath him, he held you close, afraid you would dissolve and fade away like all his other dreams. And in the morning, you did just that. The only proof he had that you had been there at all were the love bites strewn across his chest, the smell of you on his sheets, and the little notes you left for him.

Sometimes you wrote dumb jokes or promises of another night with you or just a doodle of a flower or a heart or a smiley face. He kept all of them in a drawer in his desk, but always placing the newest one in his wallet. He would look at it throughout the day, especially when the day became extremely difficult, to keep him going until the night when he would see you again. He didn’t want to force you stay, worried that the tighter he clung to you the harder you would pull away and the sooner he’d lose, because he would lose you eventually. He knew that. Even if you did try to stay, he couldn’t let you. He didn’t want to ruin you while he ruined himself. So he kept his problems hidden away from you, letting them set with the sun. When the moon was up, he got to pretend they were gone, and he had you in their place. Rafe was great at pretending. So when he woke up the next morning, he forced himself to prepare for reality that came when he opened his eyes and he woke from his dream. Except he didn’t.

The first thing he noticed was the smell of weed in the air, a gentle breeze from the window blowing the haze around his room. Then he opened his eyes and instead of seeing the empty side of the bed, he saw your bare thighs, criss-cross-apple sauce. You were leaning against the head board, smoking a joint and wearing one of his shirts. Your eyes were trained on the TV, and he could hear the sound of voices softly through the speakers. He pushed himself up on to his forearm, the movement alerting you of his consciousness. You smiled down at him and he damn near swooned.

“Morning, sleepy head.” You said. Rafe admired your morning appearance for the first time, taking in your messy hair and slightly droopy eyes, though that might have been from the weed. He loved how you looked in his shirt, how he could see the marks he left on you peeking out from the collar. Rafe almost pinched himself. You offered him the joint and his fingers brushed against yours, which meant you were here, really here. He took a hit while your eyes returned to the TV. He blew out the smoke then said, “Why are you still here?”

You turned back towards him, but didn’t meet his eyes. You furrowed your brows, looking down at your fingers as they picked at a loose thread on the sheet.

“It’s peaceful here,” You said simply. You looked back up at Rafe, concern now lacing your forehead. “I can go if you want.”

“No! No.” Rafe reached out, his large hand trapping your smaller one. He smiled softly up you.

“Stay, please.”

You smiled back and took the joint back from his offering fingers. You scooted closer to him as he sat up more, giving you space to rest your head on his shoulder. Rafe tried to calm his beating heart as you laced your fingers with his, staring at the TV intently. He tried to distract himself with the show you put on, but it just confused him.

“What the hell are you watching?” He questioned.

“The X-Files. It’s my favorite.”

You spent the next few hours watching The X-Files. You had put on an episode from the middle of season three, so you tried your hardest to fill in gaps for Rafe when he needed it. By the time you claimed you had to go home, Rafe was ready to go back and watch from episode one. Especially if it meant he got to hold you a little longer. But you just chuckled, shaking your head at the boy as you pulled on your shorts.

You leaned across the bed and placed a hand on his cheek.

“Next time, I promise,” You said before kissing him sweetly. His lips moved gently along with yours as your fingers stroked across his cheek.

It wasn’t until you were out the door after giving him another quick peck and a smile that realized the pattern your fingers had traced was random. It had been a smiley face. Another note for his collection.

If Rafe couldn’t get you out of his head before, you were stuck in it with super glue now. He didn’t text you for the next couple days, too busy overthinking every moment of his morning with you. You had done nothing sexual, but, to Rafe, it felt more intimate than anything else you had done up until then. He wasn’t sure what to do now, it felt like everything had changed. It scared him and excited him. He had thought your relationship was just physical to you. But you had stayed. You had cuddled with him and smoked with him and laughed with him and shared your favorite show with him. God, he loved listening to you talk about the things you were passionate about, even when that thing was a strange but surprisingly awesome alien crime show from the 90s. But you had stayed. You had burrowed yourself deeper into his heart while at the same time opening a whole new vault of vulnerabilities and fears in his mind. He didn’t want to break you, but he was also absolutely terrified that you might break him. He wasn’t right for you, and he knew that. It would be selfish if he let you in. Really, truly claimed you as his like he wanted to, pulling you out of his dreams and into reality. But, Rafe was a selfish person.

The stress and wonder of his relationship with you was flowing through his head when his father found him, sitting by the pool. Ward sat in the chair beside him, bringing up another thing Rafe had done wrong. He heard what his father was saying but didn’t really listen. He felt the anger boiling inside of him, all the emotions that had been building up this week were ready to burst out of him. So he let them.

The argument escalated quicker than it usually, Rafe and Ward at each other’s throats as they screamed in each other’s faces. Rose eventually ran out, trying to break apart the father and son to no avail. The fight ended with Ward yelling at Rafe to get out of his house and out of his sight, so Rafe complied.

When he sped out of the driveway on his bike, he wasn’t sure where he was going. Normally, he would have gone to Barry’s to do a line and complain and get lost in the euphoria the drugs brought him. But his heart had other ideas.

Rafe had never been this close to your front door, let alone inside your house. You always made him wait for you in the car. The one time he had tried walking up to the front door, you had met him halfway, nearly ripping his arm off with the force of you pulling him back to his bike.

He took a deep breath before knocking, praying that you would be home and wouldn’t be angry with him for turning up at your door in the middle of the day.

“Rafe?” You said as you opened the door. He couldn’t help but smile as you appeared in the doorway, just the sight of you enough to calm him down.

“I’m sorry for just turning up. I would have texted you but I just sort of ended up here. You know what actually, I should just go. Sorry for bothering you.”

He started to turn, trying to keep a cool exterior while inside he wanted nothing more than to run for the hills. But he was stopped by your hand taking his.

“Rafe,” You smiled at him, taking in his disheveled hair, slightly crazed eyes and red face, “it’s okay. Come in.”

You opened the door wider and pulled him through, closing it behind you. The fingers that weren’t gripping your own were fidgeting with the rings on his fingers, taking in his surroundings. This was completely new territory for him. He’d never been in your space before. The house itself was just slightly bigger than his and Sarah’s rooms combined. The kitchen and the living room were smushed together, the living room being the larger of the two. There was a short hallway that led to a single door, with two other doors on either side of it. You led him to the kitchen, releasing his hand to grab a couple of glasses and fill them with water.

Rafe continued to take in the home, taking note of the toys and clothes strewn about. Jackets thrown over chairs, worn children and adult books sitting on the couch, a bowl of cereal left to sog up on the table. He’d never been in a home that looked so lived in before. He kind of liked it.

“Sorry it’s such a mess,” You said, handing him a water, “Three young children live here, so it always looks like a tornado has blown through.”

Rafe’s eyebrows shot up.

“Children?”

You laughed at his expression.

“Yeah, my niece and nephews. I live here with my sisters. My older one is the mother of the tornado. But, they all went to visit my uncle for a couple nights, so I have the house all to myself!”

Rafe absorbed the information your were giving him, storing it away in the part of his brain reserved just for you. He was realizing how little he actually knew about you. He knew nothing about your family, he’d never really thought about it before. He tried to picture you here, in this kitchen, three little kids running around while you stood with two other girls who looked similar to you.

“Sounds nice, peaceful,” Rafe commented.

“It will be. I miss them already, though. It’s been too quiet. Usually, the Pogues or at least Kie or Sarah would come keep me company, but they all have shit to do.” You moved closer to him and smiled up at him, cheeks heating up slightly as you spoke, “I’m glad you’re here.”

Rafe blushed instantly at your words, looking down at his feet to hide the smile growing wide on his face. He was so screwed. He thought of all the times he messed with Topper, calling him pussy-whipped. If only Topper could see him now.

“I’m glad I’m here too,” Rafe said, meeting your warm gaze.

The pair of you are silent for a moment, getting lost in each others eyes. You pull away first, taking a sip of your water before speaking.

“So, what’s up? Did something happen you look a little…wild.”

Rafe chuckled at your choice of adjective.

“My dad, he, uh…he kicked me out. I fucked up something, I can’t remember what but I’m sure I did it. We got in a huge argument and he told me to leave. It’s not the first time, I’ll go back in a few days and beg for forgiveness or something. I just…” Rafe sniffed rubbing his nose quickly on his arm. Rafe Cameron was not a cryer. He couldn’t remember the last time he had shed a tear. But standing here in your kitchen, feeling your understanding eyes on him, allowing him to talk about all the shit he’d been holding in for years about his father, he wasn’t afraid to let the dam break. The tears were quick and silent. He didn’t sob, but he felt his breath getting caught in his throat as the rivers ran down his cheeks.

“I just want to be a good fucking son.”

You pulled him into you. His head nestled into your neck, tears soaking the collar of your shirt. His arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing the breath from you but you didn’t care. You held him just as tight, whispering sweet things in his ear. A few minutes passed before the tears finally dried up. Rafe pulled away slightly, keeping his hands on your hips as he looked at you with swollen eyes.

“I’m sorry, fuck, I’m sorry I-”

“Shh, Rafe stop,” You took his face in your hands, forcing him to look directly at you, “Don’t apologize for having fucking feelings and crying when someone hurts them. Believe me, I live with three children under the age of six, we have a lot of crying going on around here. Sometimes you just have to let it out. Let it out, Rafe.”

Rafe closed his eyes, letting your words quiet his wayward mind. Your thumbs stroked his cheeks, taking the tears with them. You leaned forward and kissed both his cheeks before kissing his lips. He could taste his own tears on your lips. The kiss was short but he could feel the emotion in it. You pulled away slowly, leaning your forehead on his. For Rafe, however, you were way too far away.

His arms wrapped around your back, one hand cupping the back of your head and pulling you back to meet his lips. The kiss wasn’t as rough and sexually charged as the others you had shared. This one was more like your first kiss, filled with passion and emotion and a pure and unadulterated need to be close to another person.

It wasn’t long before Rafe’s hand made there way to the hem of your shirt, pulling it up over your head, placing it on the counter. You weren’t wearing a bra, and he groaned at the sight of your bare breasts. His hand moved down to your thighs, squeezing them. You understood his signal, arms wrapping around his neck as you jumped. You wrapped your legs around his waist, his hands supporting you on your ass as he moved you through the house.

“Which one is yours?” Rafe asked as he reached the hallway.

“Left,” You said before reattaching your lips to his. He kicked the door open. Opening his eyes for second to asses the layout of the room, he noticed two twin beds in pushed into the corners of the room.

“Which one’s yours?” Rafe asked again with a small smile.

“Right,” You said with a matching smile.

Rafe sat on the edge of the bed, making you straddle his lap. He pulled his shirt over his head, then leaned forward to take one of your nipples in his mouth, his hand moving to massage the other. You threw your head back, letting out a long moan. Rafe moved to the other boob, giving it the same treatment with his tongue. After a few minutes, Rafe tried to flip you onto your back, but you stopped him. You looked him right in his eyes, pupils blown with lust as your hand reached down to palm him through his shorts.

“I want to make you feel good, Rafe,” You whispered before leaning down to kiss his neck. The sinful moan he made went straight to your center. You moved off his lap, pushing him back until he was leaning against the head board. You pulled his shorts and boxers down, allowing his erection to spring free. You didn’t break eye contact as you undressed him, enjoying the blissful spark in his eyes as you ran you hands down his thighs. You stood up, shimmying out of your bottoms until you were fully naked and moved to straddle him again.

“I’m going to make you feel so good, baby. You deserve to feel good,” You said as you placed a few more open mouthed kisses on his neck. You reached down again to grasp his dick, giving it a few pumps before aligning it with your entrance. Rafe stopped you with a hand on your wrist.

“I don’t have a condom,” He said.

“It’s okay. I want to be close to you.” You said before sinking down onto him. You both moaned loudly, foreheads meeting in the space between you. You slowly started to rock your hips against Rafe’s, relishing in the feeling of him bare inside you, filling you up perfectly.

Rafe thought he had died and gone to heaven. He was convinced there could be nothing better than this, feeling you, all of you. He felt loved. Absolutely loved for once in his miserable life.

He gripped your hips, helping you speed up your movements. He kissed you again, catching your moans with his tongue while he released his own into you. You gripped his hair, pulling him as close to you as you could, until there was positively no space separating your bodies. Your hips started moving faster, Rafe moving you up and down to bounce on his cock.

“Rafe,” You moaned his name like a prayer.

“I’m getting close, angel,” Rafe whispered

“Don’t stop, please. Don’t stop, baby, I want you fill me with your cum.”

You reached down to rub your clit quickly, feeling your orgasm coming on quickly.

“Fuck you feel so good, angel. Make me feel so good,” Rafe moaned before sucking on the sensitive spot on your neck. You came with a moan of his name, head collapsing onto his shoulder as he continued to pump into you. His thrusts became faster as he chased his release. You kissed any piece of skin your lips could reach as his thrusts became sloppier, breathing heavier than before. He came loudly, grunting as he filled your pussy with spurts of white ropes. You rocked your hips lightly, helping him through his orgasm before stilling completely.

Your foreheads rested together, breath mingling in the space between. You sat like that for what felt like eternity, a moment frozen in time. You savored the feeling of Rafe’s cock in you, your combined juices leaking out of you and dripping down his shaft and your thighs. Rafe gave you a few gentle pecks, fingers massaging the back of your head. For a moment he felt complete, invincible, fucking incredible.

You stayed together until Rafe was completely soft in you. You reluctantly lifted yourself off his lap, the both of you whimpering at the loss of contact. You sneaked across the hallway to the bathroom, wiping yourself clean and doing your business. You returned to your room, grabbing your laptop from the trunk at the end of you bed and snuggled back up next to Rafe.

His eyes were still closed, head resting against the wall. He was so still you thought he might have fallen asleep, until his eyes opened and looked down at you, a lazy and utterly joyful smile gracing his features. You smiled back up at him, giving him a quick kiss before opening the laptop.

“Want to watch The X-Files?”

He grinned, wrapping an arm around you and snuggling deeper into the pillows.

“Oh, hell yeah.”

You giggled at his enthusiasm, clicking open the webpage and starting the episode.

Rafe held you tight in his arms, but for once he wasn’t afraid of you disappearing. As the sun beamed in through the blinds, casting light across your bedroom floor, Rafe allowed himself a moment to be selfish, and let his dreams see the light of day.

tagging: @ilovejjmaybank @diverrdown @diverdcwn @drewsephsmiles @https-luna @juliarose21 @bluesiderudy

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron imagine #obx fic #my writing

263 notes · View notes

stevenuniversallyreviews · 5 years ago

Text

I don’t need you to love me, I love me

I’m gonna miss writing about Pearl.

As the loneliest Crystal Gem, a loyal servant who became a fierce ally, then a spurned lover, then a grieving survivor, Pearl’s story is about discovering who she can be on her own terms. Like Steven, she believes that her value comes from being valued, but unlike Steven, she was literally programmed this way and has an even harder time breaking loose, so she starts off at the toxic level of selfish selflessness that threatens to consume him, directed towards someone who’s been dead for years. She defines herself by her relationships, but struggles with all of them because she only understands a dynamic where one person is superior and the other is inferior; as such, her life is an endless evaluation of whether she’s worse or better than the people around her, thus whether she should be deferential or condescending. Her problem goes beyond not knowing how to develop loving relationships with equals: she doesn’t know how to love herself.

But she changes her mind.

“We need to talk about us.”

The first act of Change Your Mind (which lines up nicely with its first quarter) sets the stage with Blue and Yellow both converting to Steven’s cause, and while compelling, it’s appropriately intense. That intensity gets even higher as the episode continues, but this is still a big finale, so it’s about damn time for some fanservice.

After a quick “go to your rooms” to reinforce that White Diamond is the Diamonds’ mother more than their older sister, Connie gets the body part pun train rolling: “face-off” will soon be followed by “did you have a hand in this?” and “lend me a hand” (which earns a chuckle from Blue), Pink’s legs succumb when Steven takes a knee, and getting into White’s head becomes the primary goal of the second act (so all of this second quarter and most of the third). Still, the levity seems fleeting before two glints in the sky bring us the one-two punch of Bismuth leading the charge and Lapis and Peridot showing off their threads.

Bismuth fits right in as the leader of the B-Team, as beyond her seniority she’s clearly more competent at running a show than the other two (see: The New Crystal Gems). But her reverse electric guitar soon cedes to a glorious harmony of Lapis and Peridot’s themes as we see their new forms: Lapis gets pants and sandals, and Peridot gets ridiculous shades and a trashcan lid, the perfect adaptation of Static’s saucer for the Crystal Gems’ resident raccoon. Peridot goes ham with three stars, while Lapis wears a subtle dark blue variant that includes all five points if we count her legs. For a moment, everything is right in the world.

Their timing couldn’t be better, and not just because we need some stress relief. Steven begins the finale with one friend on his side, then he gets two Diamonds on his side, and now he has three reinforcements on his side, and this growing group of allies all represent what the Big Three Crystal Gems can’t: the family that Steven has chosen, rather than the family he grew up with. These relationships are all a result of his effort, whether going out of his way to befriend Connie or winning over the five former enemies that now stand at his side, and together they‘re one huge reminder that you can reach people if they’re willing to be reached. White Diamond isn’t a villain because she’s cruel, she’s a villain because she quashes any effort to change her mind.

Furthermore, seeing Lapis and Peridot in particular next to a pale, prejudiced, recently-discovered member of Steven’s extended family who disagrees with a parent’s name change evokes that other long episode where Steven went out on a limb to change someone’s mind, and the comparison does wonders for putting White Diamond’s bigotry in perspective.

I’ve already made my defense of Andy, but in short, his irritable first impression masks how open-minded he ends up being. Sure, he has some lousy beliefs, but he’s willing to sit down with folks he disagrees with and try and look for ways to either compromise or straight-up be convinced that those beliefs might be wrong. On its own, Gem Harvest could be read as a little too hopeful, especially as it came out weeks after the 2016 election gave proud bigots the White House, but next to Change Your Mind it expands on the finale’s message: keep an open heart and mind, because people can surprise you if you give them a chance, but don’t let yourself be a doormat in the process.

White Diamond would never have come to the Crystal Gems’ table. She still hasn’t even shown up in person since Legs From Here to Homeworld, using a warped version of the same delegation Steven practices in his talks with the Diamonds: he helps others bring their individual experiences to light, showing that his position isn’t unique, while she blots out their individuality and replaces them with her. Blue and Yellow’s contrast has been a plot point for far longer, but Pink and White (and now Steven and White) are an even starker pair of foils, divided not only by personality but by size and age.

Knowing how hard it will be to reach White, Yellow and Blue again suggest that Steven and the Crystal Gems bail, offering their own ships now that Pink’s is unavailable. While this shows how profoundly they believe in him, it again reveals how unfamiliar these two are with being “good.” Beyond the plan only delaying the inevitable (White Diamond for sure could send more troops to Earth in this scenario), Steven points out that his mother failed in both of her identities to confront the problem in a healthy way, and continuing to avoid it will mean it never gets solved. Rose is still a progression from Pink and Yellow and Blue, as fighting for your beliefs addresses the issue more directly than running away, but Steven in turn is a progression from Rose.

Then Connie’s opening words in Blue and Yellow’s conversions pay off. This time she’s the one ending the conversation, and she’s gained enough of their attention that they don’t write her off as a blathering human. Steven never got to meet Rose, rank-and-file Gems don’t have parents, and White Diamond seems to be the root of it all, so Connie is the ideal voice to reach the Diamond Sisters: she’s the only other person on the planet with a living mother. Where Dr. Maheswaran at her worst once stood in for Yellow Diamond, she can now represent the bigger fish, both in her similar brand of maternal tyranny and in the hope that her attitude can change after a good talk.

And just as Connie takes over Steven’s role as the big finisher for Blue and Yellow, Steven takes over Connie’s role as the voice introducing bigger voices now that it’s time to face White. He works with his aunts to bring his grandmother to a standstill—not by beating her statue-like ship into submission, but by joining the arm-ships to the body and completing the picture—and says his piece briefly before ceding the floor to a pair that White has victimized for far longer than the past week or so.

I love that Yellow is the first to speak, flipping the Diamonds’ conversion order and subverting the notion that the more emotionally open Blue might take the lead. This isn’t just a matter of clarity, but bravery, and Yellow has always been the more confrontational of the pair. It’s also that much more impactful to see Yellow push past her fear and allow herself to be vulnerable, given how hard she’s worked to maintain her air of stoicism. Patti LuPone’s raw power has served the character well, and she keeps up the same petulant energy that saw Yellow dishing about White in Familiar, but now she funnels all of it into a stirring argument against the exacting nature of Homeworld society. And because Yellow helps pave the way, Blue can deepen their point by defending Pink’s role in the quartet and detailing how White’s orders have caused the whole family to suffer.

Steven bookends the Diamonds by suggesting that White can start helping everyone by helping her daughters. Then White shows what kind of “help” she’s willing to provide.

Pink’s former pearl was already proof that White Diamond has the power to possess others, but it’s another thing to see it in action. The whole episode so far has been about building up hope again after Steven is knocked down by Homeworld, but all it takes is one agonizing glare to send everything backwards. Blue and Yellow are even worse off than they were before, and as they’re brought into White’s fold, their arms follow suit. White drops the Crystal Gems and lets them fall, then Steven drops the Crystal Gems and dives after them.

As he slides down alien architecture on his shield, the soundtrack gives a nod to the theme song to prepare us for more fanservice. Now that White has made it clear that talking isn’t going to get us anywhere, it’s time for more action. Now that we’ve established the importance of Steven’s chosen family, it’s time to reconnect with the family he was born into.

Amethyst is first, because of course she is. She’s usually the quickest to reform, and she’s the only Gem that Steven has fused with, so Smoky Quartz is the best start if the goal is reeling off three fusions in a row with a growing sense of excitement. Smoky’s theme heralds this new development with glee, evoking the pure joy of seeing a new fusion from Earthlings as it becomes clear what the show is doing. Fusion has recently featured as a stand-in for marriage and an act of rebellion, but now it represents familial love, and doubles as an elegant plot device to get the poofed crew back in action. The wonder of fusion has always been that beyond whatever metaphor it currently serves, it’s also just a really neat piece of magic that lends itself to awesome visuals, and this whole sequence revels in the glorious spectacle.

Pearl is second, because we’ve already seen another version of Rainbow Quartz, so the biggest reveal is bound to be the Garnet fusion. Rainbow Quartz 2.0 blends the old with the new, immediately showing off the latest clever fusion of weapons (a shield and a spear into a parasol) and introducing a blue jacket that will soon belong to Pearl. The drumkit/chiptune mashup of Smoky’s theme is replaced by a piano/chiptune mashup, and then this new fusion opens their mouth.

Of all of Steven’s fusions with a female or female-presenting partner, this is the one with a male voice actor, and it couldn’t be more perfect. Rainbow Quartz was the only one of Rose’s fusions that we saw, and Now We’re Only Falling Apart shows that she was the second-ever cross-Gem fusion after Garnet (that we know of), so she was clearly something special. Pearl’s romantic interest in Rose complicates matters further, as Rainbow Quartz is an embodiment of a deeply imperfect relationship. This is a character with a lot of baggage, but casting Alastair James puts a hard stop to the idea that this is the same Rainbow Quartz, even before we hear them refer to themself as “2.0.” After the literal nightmare that begins Change Your Mind and the figurative nightmare to come, it’s wonderful to have one more piece of evidence that Steven and Rose are different people.

Amethyst and Pearl, like Lapis and Peridot, get great new looks, and they’ll soon be followed by Garnet (after the commercial break). If this was just for the sake of fanservice, it’d be more than enough: it’s always fun to get outfit changes, and between that and the fusions (including Sunstone and Obsidian; again, after the commercial break!) we get a pleasant treat to sate us between the drama. But as always, the show finds a way to create deeper meaning in the magic.

The Diamonds look the same now as they did thousands of years ago, and one of the reasons why is that they’re unbreakable. Creating a new form requires poofing, which is a very silly way to say that the Crystal Gems have found a way to grow through pain.

Life will always have its share of pain. Part of growing up, maybe the biggest part, is figuring out what you’re going to do about it. The Diamonds react to pain by closing themselves off and letting their problems fester rather than addressing them head-on. But over the course of the series, Lapis and Peridot and Amethyst and Pearl and Garnet have put in the work to learn from their pain and heal, and because they’re literal projections of their true selves, they get a physical manifestation of that growth that can only come after weathering one more blow.

To be clear, pain itself shouldn’t be glamorized. It sucks, and it’s okay if your reaction is to take care of yourself rather than use it for Creative Fuel. But the Crystal Gems are what happens when you deal with your pain, and the Diamonds are what happens when you don’t. And because Steven shares the legacy of both, Steven Universe is about him helping others through their pain and Steven Universe Future is about finally confronting his own.

We end with the most frustrating commercial break of the three, coming right in the middle of the second act, so we’ll just keep on going with fusions and new outfits next time. But if we have to stop partway through a scene, at least we get a Monty Python Foot to stamp out the first half of Change Your Mind.

I Can’t Believe We’ve Come So Far

Hilary Florido is the only storyboarder with their own recurring segment in Steven, Universally. But every other storyboarder had plenty of opportunities to make a fully realized High School AU in their promo art, and none of them did, so that’s on them.

Florido is obviously more than her promo art, but it speaks to a specific level of nerdy passion that made her and longtime coboarder Jesse Zuke so dang good at Peridot episodes, starting with just their second collaboration, the iconic Catch and Release. From there they gave us Too Far and Log Date 7 15 2 and Barn Mates and Too Short to Ride and Beta and Gem Harvest, and Florido kept the ride going with Raising the Barn. Peridot would not be Peridot without Hilary Florido.

In terms of more serious clods, Florido is the only person to board all three Kevin appearances (Alone Together with Rebecca Sugar and first regular coboarder Katie Mitroff, Beach City Drift with Zuke, and Kevin Party with final regular coboarder Danny Cragg, who also stopped boarding after the movie). She gave us as Ronaldo at his worst in Rocknaldo and Aquamarine at her worst in I Am My Mom. And as if she needed further proof of her prowess with harrowing material, she gave us Alone at Sea and A Single Pale Rose.

It’s weird to attribute good Steven writing to any one boarder, given he’s in every episode but Jungle Moon and he’s generally pretty great, but Florido worked on some of the most important moments of Steven letting us into his deeper thoughts: she’s behind him getting real with the Cool Kids in Joy Ride, with Amethyst in Steven vs. Amethyst, and with himself in a rare monologue in Lion 4. His ability to discuss the uncomfortable subtext of Mystery Girl’s visual similarity to Rose is key to the magnificent tone of Last One Out of Beach City, and his introspection about his mother’s older identity is just as important to Familiar.

In short, Hilary Florido rocked at characters with rough edges, whether it was Peridot’s ornery id, a bevy of outright villains ruining everyone’s day, normally sympathetic characters doing dubious things, or Steven giving himself enough of a break to complain. She stepped up as a storyboard supervisor for Steven Universe Future, but even if she hadn’t, her legacy would be secure.

(Frankly it’d be secure even if the only thing she gave us was this.)

#change your mind #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

160 notes · View notes

dindjarindiaries · 5 years ago

Note

Hi! from the prompts list Can i request the 1 + 41 with Din? Oh and the reader can have some cute interacción with the Kid. btw, I looooooove your stories, they are awesome. I'm in love with "Security" thank you so much

character: Din Djarin

prompts: 1. There’s people chasing us and I pulled you into the alley with me and wow you’re close, 41. Overhearing they have feelings for you (via this list of clichés)

warnings: a little bit of angst, minor sexual tension, fluff

rating: PG-14

masterlist

You can’t stop running. You lost Din a while back, somewhere amongst the huts that lined the small city. When you’d both heard the blaster shots of the paired-up bounty hunters, Din had told you to run—and you’d done just that. You hadn’t realized that he wasn’t around you anymore until you’d weaved through the huts and into the crowds of the city.

Yet, you don’t stop doing what Din had told you to do. Your feet practically fly over the ground, diving around people and leaping over random obstacles. You’re not even sure if you’re still being pursued, but you can’t risk it—not until you get back to the Razor Crest, which is still on the other side of the small city’s walls. The child’s currently alone there, and if neither one of you make it back quickly enough, he could get snatched up.

“Watch it!” someone exclaims after you brush their shoulder with additional force. You’re typically the kind of person to stop and apologize extensively, maybe even offering them something in return for your harmful actions, but you can’t be that person right now. You now feel almost more panicked for Din’s safety than your own, and you just hope he’s been able to beat you to the Crest.

Suddenly, you hear another blaster shot from behind you. A few of the city folk shout out in terror, and you look over your shoulder to see both of the hunters hot on your trail. Your gaze snaps back to the ground ahead of you, and your chest heaves both in effort and in panic. Great, you think to yourself. They’ve probably already managed to get rid of Din, and now I have to run from both of them.

The thought of Din possibly already being dead at their hands is enough to get you to collapse on the spot in utter grief, but remembering the promise you’d both made to each other to save the child no matter what, you keep going. You can’t imagine how afraid the poor thing is, probably already having woken up from its nap to realize that it’s locked in the ship with neither one of its protectors around it.

Knowing you need to at least try to throw your pursuers off your track, you rapidly turn a corner, heading down a side street. You then turn back onto a main road, hoping it’s put you at least a block away from the hunters. Your head whips around to see if it’s worked, but in the process of distracting yourself, you soon find yourself getting completely torn off your trail altogether.

A firm grip seizes your arm and pulls you into an alleyway you didn’t even notice. Before you can get the gasp out, a gloved hand covers your mouth, suppressing any sounds you can think of making. You expect your body to hit the hard wall of a building or the ground, but instead, it hits cold metal—beskar.

“Stay still,” Din’s modulated voice murmurs into your ear, and you practically feel frozen as you stand there. You’re suddenly well aware of how one of his arms still has yours in his grip, and the other continues to cover your mouth. Your back is against his front with not a lot of room to spare, if any at all. His grips on your body force you against him, both of your chests rising and falling from the previous chase—and you wouldn’t be surprised if the sudden tension of your close proximity also made your chests heave just a bit more than usual.

You close your eyes as you hear the footsteps of your pursuers approaching. You tense up when they get closer, and Din gives your arm an extra squeeze in response. Your eyes fly open again at his unexpected gesture of comfort. You and Din are close, yes, but you’ve had yet to see or feel him actually show any signs of possible affection—which is something you’ve been waiting for. You want to believe it’s more, but you convince yourself it’s just the adrenaline of the situation.

By the time you pull yourself out of your thoughts, you realize that the footsteps have now gone past your current position. As soon as the sound of them fades completely, Din releases you, but doesn’t give you any time to go anywhere. He spins you around and grips your shoulders, keeping you at the same proximity—but now facing you directly.

“Are you alright?” Din asks you, and you can’t help noticing the edge of concern in his modulated tone. His helmet jerks in a few small directions, as if he’s observing you for any injuries.

Your heart softens, but you remind yourself that it’s all a part of the companionship and nothing more. You give him a nod. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Din nods at you. “Then let’s get to the Crest.”

You nod yet again to agree, but neither of you move for a moment as your chests continue to practically touch. You’re looking up at him, entranced by the imagination of what his eyes must look like underneath that visor, staring down at you and absorbing your close presence. You wonder if he’s also feeling the sudden electric charge in the air, feeling reminiscent of a storm’s humidity on a jungle planet. You just hope he’s feeling all the same things as you.

And then you realize that the reason he hasn’t moved yet is because you have to move first.

You clear your throat, stepping away to let Din lead the way out. He separates from you slowly, only quickening his pace once the distance reaches a point where that tension between you both finally snaps. Although you don’t feel the charge anymore, you still remember its effect—and you can’t stop thinking about it. Is it all in my head? Your mind is fighting with itself. It must be. I know who I’m talking about here.

For the many months you’ve been working with Din to protect the child, you’ve been able to observe his hesitance to be vulnerable in any way—and affection was a huge one. Even with the child, he only comes out of his beskar-cladded shell inch by inch, never revealing too much. You were shocked the one time you got him to talk about his past. That’d been after a dangerous job, one that almost took away both your lives. That night, you’d spilled a lot to each other—but not everything you’d wanted to.

Your thoughts distract you throughout the trek back to the Crest, during which you neither see any of the hunters again nor pick up the resources you came to buy in the first place. When Din closes the hatch and heads for the ladder up to the cockpit, he stops, turning around to see you following him.

“I want you to rest,” Din says softly. “That chase was… grueling. I’ll get us to another planet for resources.”

“Din—” you try to insist that you’re fine.

“Please,” Din begs you. You decide to give in as soon as you hear the desperate tone in his modulated voice. “If not for you… then for me, and my piece of mind.”

You give him a nod, patting his shoulder. “Alright, Din. But you better not be far behind me.”

Din nods, his attention only drawing away from you at the sight of the child waddling out from where he’d escaped his hiding place. Din bends down to pick him up. “I’ll keep him with me,” Din assures you. He then climbs up the ladder, leaving you to do just as he requested.

You lay down on the cot you and Din take shifts sleeping on, but sleep won’t come easily to you. Your mind is still buzzing with thoughts of what happened before, and your stomach is a fireworks show at the possibilities of what Din’s actions and words could have meant. You’re sure you’re just overthinking, but you let yourself wallow in the feeling, nevertheless. No matter how long you lay there with your eyes closed, your body refuses to sleep—and suddenly hearing Din’s modulated voice floating down from the cockpit doesn’t help, either.

Who’s he talking to? Your curiosity grows, and you find yourself rising from the cot to start heading for the cockpit. As soon as you reach the ladder, though, you freeze, taking a minute to actually listen to what he’s saying.

“I just… I need to tell someone, kid.”

Your heart softens immensely when you realize what’s happening. He’s talking to the child.

Upon earning a coo, Din chuckles and then continues. “I don’t know how to tell her.” Your eyes widen when you hear him refer to you. “I’m not good at this stuff.” He pauses, and you find yourself easing onto the ground in a crisscross position as you continue to eavesdrop. “What would you say?”

The child coos. Din laughs slightly at himself. Your heart soars at the sound of it.

“Right. You can’t say much, yet.” There’s a pause. “I was really worried about her, kid. I thought I lost her. It reminded me of… all this.”

You hear him sigh, and your heart pounds in your chest as you wait for him to speak again.

“I just don’t want to mess this up. I have no idea how to tell her I love her without messing something up.”

Your heart nearly stops on the spot.

“Love her?” Love me? Din loves me?

You can’t believe what you’ve heard. You’re in such shock that you almost miss what comes next.

“I don’t know why I’m asking you, kid. It’s hefty advice. Maybe I should just keep it to myself.”

You shake your head, needing to do something about this. You leap to your feet, ascending the ladder into the cockpit with urgency. Din instantly turns in the pilot’s chair, the blue flashes of hyperspace reflecting off his beskar. You remain in place for a moment, simply staring at the man who loves you—and who you love in return.

“Hey, you okay?” Din asks, rising from the chair. “I thought that you were—.”

Din’s cut off by you, as you can’t hold back any longer. You walk up quickly to meet him, reaching your hands up to grip the sides of his helmet as you pull his forehead down to meet yours. You close your eyes as you absorb the intimate touch, relishing in what you’ve heard is a typical Mandalorian kiss. You can tell Din’s shocked by your action, but after a few moments, his gloved hands also come up to meet the sides of your face. At that, you reopen your eyes, swearing that you can see at least the outline of the eyes that lie behind his visor.

“I’m… going to assume that you overheard my conversation with the kid.” Din’s voice is soft, yet you still catch its hint of amusement.

You chuckle, running a thumb over the metal of his helmet. “I did.” You pause, looking at him more seriously. “And I love you, too.”

You can tell Din’s not sure of what to say or do, but after a few moments of you both standing like that, he begins to draw you in closer. You finish the action for him, letting your head rest against his chest as your arms wrap around him. He eventually figures out how to comfortably get his arms around you, too, and you close your eyes as you simply stand there and absorb the affection you’ve both been craving for much too long now.

You only reopen your eyes when you feel something touch your leg. You and Din both look down to see the child standing at your feet, his little arms trying to hug both yours and Din’s leg. You both chuckle, and your heart practically explodes at the sight. You look back up at Din, seeing his helmet looking at you as well—and the word “family” instantly comes to mind for the both of you.

thank you for your kind words about my writing and “security!” you’re the very sweetest.

#brb crying #this was CUTE to write #din djarin #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #dindjarindiaries #din djarin x you #the mandalorian x y/n #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian fic #requests #asks

486 notes · View notes

mikauzoran · 4 years ago

Text

Lukadrien: Among the Wild Things: Chapter One

For @pawsomelybuggy because she’s awesome like that. ^.^ <3

Read it on AO3: Among the Wild Things: Chapter One: Meeting

On the third day that the blonde boy visited the clearing in the enchanted wood, Luka’s curiosity won out.

“Are you planning on throwing yourself into that river, or are you just in love with your own reflection? You’re staring into the stream rather intently,” he spoke from the shadows and couldn’t contain an amused grin as the young man sat up on the bank with a jerk.

Adrien scanned his surroundings frantically, eyes searching the dim forest just beyond the edge of the oasis of light that was the clearing for the speaker. “Who…?” He swallowed hard. “Is-s-someone there?”

Luka had to bite the inside of his cheek to hold in a laugh. Mortals were kind of adorable when they were scared, and this one was quite attractive to start with. He intrigued Luka, so Luka had left him alone the previous two days and just watched as the young man stared into the river and sighed.

“Typically, there’s someone attached to the other end of the words,” Luka pointed out with a good-natured chuckle. “That’s the usual way…unless you often hear disembodied voices?”

Adrien gulped again, slowly getting to his feet and drawing the knife from his belt. “No, I can’t say that I do, but…I’ve heard that these woods are haunted.”

“If you knew, then why did you come here?” Luka hummed curiously, unable to figure the mortal boy out and fascinated because of it.

Adrien stiffened defensively, eyes narrowing as he raised his knife. “Show yourself!” he demanded, exuding bravado.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Luka snickered.

The human boy was very, very cute when he pretended to be tough.

“As you say, these woods are haunted. Do you really want to know if you’ve been speaking with some dreadful monster?”

To his credit, Adrien didn’t back down. He swallowed his fear and declared once more, “Show yourself! I am Prince Adrien of the Kingdom of Agreste, and I order you to identify yourself.”

Luka frowned at the idiocy of the boy, shouting his true name for any pixie to pick it up and wreak havoc with it.

He gave a snort as he took the form of a young man and stepped out into the light. “It is unwise, Prince Adrien of the Kingdom of Agreste, to give your name so recklessly.”

Adrien’s eyes widened as a handsome man a few years older than Adrien appeared with hair as blue as the river and eyes like two, clear standing pools of water.

“If you’re not careful, someone might take it,” Luka warned.

Adrien gaped at the stranger, struggling to string together thoughts. He had never seen someone so ethereally beautiful before. He couldn’t breathe, and his heart was beating its way out of his chest.

Adrien dropped his knife. “Who are you?” he asked in awe.

Luka smiled kindly, pleased at the effect he’d produced. “You may call me ‘Orpheus’, Little Prince.”

“Orpheus,” Adrien repeated as if in trance.

Slowly, Luka approached, stopping about two meters off and taking a seat by the river. “It’s dangerous here, you know,” he informed matter-of-factly as he slipped off his boots and dangled his feet in the water, delighting at the surge of power it sent through his being.

Adrien bent to retrieve his knife and slipped it back into its sheath. “It doesn’t look dangerous. This forest is beautiful.” He slowly lowered himself back down to sit on the bank and gaze into the glass-like waters of the river, periodically sneaking glances at his mesmerizing companion.

“The most dangerous things are often very pleasing visually,” Luka informed, pretending not to see Adrien gawking at him.

He supposed it was only fair. Luka had spent the previous two afternoons gazing, enraptured, into Adrien’s breathtaking peridot eyes while Adrien peered into the stream, completely unaware of his audience.

“Deadly creatures often make themselves attractive to draw in their prey, lull them into a false sense of security.” He turned his head to smile disarmingly at Adrien.

Blushing at being caught staring, Adrien bashfully looked away. “What’s so dangerous about these woods?”

“For starters?” Luka scoffed. “This river. A kelpie lives here.”

Adrien frowned, looking back up at Luka. “Kelpie?”

Luka nodded, kicking his feet, splashing gently.

“What’s a kelpie?” Adrien inquired hesitantly, not wanting to look dumb in front of the attractive young man.

Luka frowned, looking at Adrien hard before answering, “They don’t teach their prince about the fair folk in your kingdom?”

Adrien’s face flushed a deep scarlet of embarrassment as he looked down into the water. “My father doesn’t believe in them. He says fairy stories are for children. My mother used to tell me about the fair folk, but she…died…a few years ago.”

The way he fumbled over the word made Luka suspect that the death had not been due to illness or accident.

Adrien cleared his throat and attempted to distract from the implications of his unnatural pause, rushing to get back on topic. “I know some things, but…I’m sorry. I don’t know what a kelpie is.”

Luka nodded slowly, admiring Adrien’s sad, self-conscious expression. “It’s okay. It sounds like your father is to blame for your ignorance, then. It’s not your fault…. And I’m sorry that you lost your mother.”

“…Thank you,” Adrien whispered, a brittle, vulnerable word but very much heartfelt.

It touched something in Luka, seeing how completely Adrien had lowered his guard.

He wasn’t like other humans Luka had met. There was no aura of deception and greed. Though grown, he was still like a child, still innocent and naïve.

It made Luka want to protect him.

“Kelpies are water spirits,” Luka patiently explained. “They usually appear as black horses, but they can take human form as well. They’re excellent singers.”

“Are they anything like sirens?” Adrien wondered, scooting in closer, intrigued by the story.

“A little,” Luka allowed, wiggling his hand, open palm down towards the ground. “Kelpies sometimes lure their victims in by singing.”

“Victims?” Adrien shifted uneasily.

Luka nodded. “Kelpies drown people.”

Adrien shifted his gaze nervously towards the water before looking back to Luka. “Do you think…?” He moved back away from the river and closer to Luka, eying the stream warily. “You don’t think they’re actually real, do you?” he whispered, as if afraid of being overheard by creatures whose existence he doubted.

Luka chuckled softly as he closed the distance between them, coming within an arm’s reach as he clicked his tongue. “Oh, My Little Prince…kelpies are very real. Every bit as real as I am.”

Adrien gulped, reaching out to rest a nervous hand on Luka’s forearm.

The touch shot an electric jolt through Luka’s body, igniting warring hungers within him and leaving him torn about which to slake.

Adrien’s soft skin would be tender and delicious…but if Luka gave in to his stomach, there would be no way to satisfy the intense desire Adrien’s scent sparked within him.

It was best not to act now. After all, if Luka was patient, he could always decide to eat Adrien at a later date once he’d satisfied his lust.

Adrien, completely oblivious to the danger of his current situation and Luka’s intentions, tightened his grip on Luka’s arm, voice shaky as he inquired, “If a kelpie lives in that river, do you really think you should be kicking your feet in it like that?”

A thin smile spread across Luka’s lips, and he reached up to cup Adrien’s cheek, eyes suddenly dark like a storm at sea. “Sweet Little Prince,” he cooed, running his thumb along Adrien’s cheekbone and watching as the skin turned bright red. “I’m not the one in harm’s way,” he whispered.

Adrien’s breath hitched, and his pupils dilated wide as Luka leaned in and gave Adrien’s cheek a long, slow lick.

“You are.”

Luka couldn’t rationally explain what he did next.

Adrien was completely defenseless, and Luka could have done whatever he liked. He was master of the situation.

And yet, he thought about the beautiful, tragic-looking boy who had come to the clearing three days in a row now and sat by the bank of Luka’s river, staring into it—into Luka’s eyes—and sighing and crying.

Luka remembered the salty taste of Adrien’s tears as the stream assimilated them into its waters and carried them away, and Luka pulled back, releasing Adrien and slipping into the river, turning to water himself right before Adrien’s very eyes.

“These woods are dangerous, Little Prince,” his disembodied voice warned. “Tell your father that the fair folk are alive and well and not to wander too far into the forest. My kind are not usually as amicable as I’ve been.”

Adrien stared, trembling, at where Luka had been only moments before for ten full seconds before the peril he was in registered. When it finally did, he scrambled to his feet and ran, his heart pounding in his ears all the way home.

25 notes · View notes

alex-seity · 4 years ago

Text

Ironically, I’m still thinking about what you said that day.

For the past year, I’ve been getting myself into knowing people. The internet is full of wonders and there’s a place for everyone, even me, who was never good at this whole socializing… thing. Six years ago, I wouldn’t think I would have more relationships than I could count with my fingers. I didn’t even have a phone, and I was sixteen. But now I worry I’m not going to be able to keep up with my socials. That sounds so stupid, and it is completely beyond my understanding how I came to sound like a popular person… which begs the question: do I have lots of friends or am I just having multiple superficial, short term relationships? Or alternatively: how do time, space, shyness and sincerity work on the internet.

Time works very differently in virtual spaces. You already know the running gag of a meme or a trend dying a week after it becomes viral, but I’m not writing about that. I’m writing about the vertiginous speed at which you might be forgotten; not as a trend or as an influencer, but as a person. As a face. The weather changes quite fast in online chats, and people come and go as they please. And on that note, having a deep conversation with an anonymous account in a public forum is a strange experience, you feel both naked and accepted, both vulnerable and understood. That’s a friend you make and miss at the blink of an eye. Once, a person on those forums told me the most comforting words I needed to hear at that time: write who you are. Doing that made me able to self-reflect and find myself when I was deeply lost. I could never thank them, because, as I said, the rain is heavy and the sound is muffled. You never know when the other has left, or if they ever heard you in the first place.

It can also pull the strings of space, both closer and further away. I remember the spring of 2018. I went to Sweden and made three friends who all liked Homestuck; now, for the past years, I’ve managed to still talk to them through my phone. Isn’t that awesome.

And cliché.

So far yet so close, so close yet so far. And even then, there’s an impossible distance that eludes every metric. I’m talking about coldness. You see, even if we have everyone at the palm of our hand, we might not be able to talk to them sometimes. We have places to be and other people to meet, not to mention activities we like to do alone. Meanwhile, an ice wall seems to be rising between you and the other. Relationships get cold quickly. Or maybe that’s just me. “It would be too weird to call them now” “Does he even remember me?” “What do I talk about?” I have these questions because I worry I’ll be rejected. Fear of rejection: one of the most present on the internet, because fictional space means distance is made up too, which is a good thing since you can block anyone that hurts you, but a bad thing since anyone can marginalize you as well. Conclusively, we have full agency in what near and far mean; that’s both empowering and frightening.

Following the last train of thought, I see anonymity as a boundary in public space very few communication media have. Anonymity; this monster that seems to have shadowed all internet discussion. Let’s get this out of the way first, anonymity only exists as a concept. Even if you can fake an identity, there are parts of your true self that are impossible to hide. If you choose not to show your face, your voice still expresses who you are. If you express yourself only by text, your writing style informs of a surprising number of distinguishable features that make you up. Secondly, I’ve learned that being anonymous isn’t necessarily harmful. By one side, there’s those who use it to shield themselves for real-life consequences of spreading hate. By the other, however, and since you choose what is known of you, there’s the more general population that use it to be themselves while also being safe—they can be hurt psychologically, but never physically.

As expected of a place where people have control over the boundaries between the private and the public, people here show more honesty than elsewhere. No one can judge your body, your voice, or even your nationality if you don’t let them. Your personality alone may speak without fear.

Even then, coldness is still unavoidable.

Aristotle—sorry to pull this guy out of his grave, I’m a philosophy student and can’t help to do constant parallels—Aristotle wrote about friendship in terms of a space that surpasses another. That means you and I are not friends because we go to the same school, but because we want to meet later at the park. This, in online relationships, translates to “we are not friends because we play the same game or talk in the same forum, but because we call each other in Discord later”. Although there’s a joy in playing games with certain people, they aren’t always our authentic friends; the ground between gaming-buddies and friends is misty. This is why I met so many people, but not as many friends along the way. Most people I discussed this with had the same experience of finding interesting folk while playing a game, growing emotional investment toward them, and abruptly seeing them disappear like they never existed. So coldness is unavoidable, because when you face the uncertainty of the future, when fear of loss crawls by your back, it’s really hard not to build a shelter made of the thickest ice around your heart; not to escape having hopes, so you can’t have them crushed either.

I got myself into knowing people on the internet thinking it would be easier, but ultimately friendship is the same wherever you find it. Time seems to fly faster, but people come and go, so have fun while you can and cry when it’s over. Distance is fictional, but you don’t need to stay anywhere, be it here or in real life, if it makes you feel uncomfortable. And sure, this conception of virtuality comes in part from exploring it, and in part out of my own biases. There are things you might relate to that are ultimately subjective: this place is immense, its people, diverse... its "weather", strange. Everyone follows a different path. And ironically, I’m still thinking about what you, apparently a stranger, said that day.

You told me about the snow in Finland and the solitude of snowflakes, about friends long-lost and the impossibility of time. About cookies, both in a browser and in the oven; about humans, both stupid and wishful. Morning routines, favorite candy, nail ideas, the sun in Australia, the cliffs of Norway. We shared poems and songs, and I listened to your troubles and you listened to mine. All of these voices I’ll remember and consider my friends. Even if I lose them in the digital space, my arms will always be open to them, and to any kind stranger.

#internet of things #philosophy #poetry #essay

4 notes · View notes

curioussubjects · 5 years ago

Text

come be a season 12 truther, baby, with me

In honor of tonight’s Berens/Glynn episode (!!!!), I’d like to take y’all on a magical journey in which I share why I think Dean and Cas got together in season 12.

Keep in mind that this post takes for granted that Dean and Cas are in love with each other and that their relationship has been increasingly coded as romantic with each passing season. Consequently, what this post does is point out some key moments in their relationship and argue why they don't get together before 12. I'll also go briefly over 13 and 14 for reasons I'll explain later in the post. First, though, let me go over seasons 4 through 11, with some pit stops along the way:

Seasons 4 & 5: this isn’t the destiel you are looking for. the ust is delicious, yes, and i, too, got sucked in posthaste immediately groped by an angel lj community style. At this point Cas is still too alien for anything beyond the development we see on screen happen. HOWEVER, season 5 is the first time we get to see Cas being human (The End) and Cas being less connected to heaven and how that affects his behavior. This will matter.

Seasons 6 & 7: the pining omg the pining. The notable things I want to point out with these seasons is a. this is the beginning of Cas doing things to spare Dean and it not ending well (Cas dies #1, soulless!Sam); b. Dean is v. sad; and c. we also start noticing the emotional toll of Cas’s divided loyalties and how human he has actually become since s4. Hurty feels all around.

Season 8: purgaytory babes aw yeah! Still lots of terrible awful pining. This is a turning point with the addition of the bunker as tfw hq: we have a home in play now, a static emotional center. Cas is still off doing his own thing, Dean still wishes Cas would just let him (+ Sam) help out. Cas going off on his own leads to disaster #2 (Angels fall, Cas loses his Grace). For all deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much of a gap between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 & slaughtering angels & leviathan. On the other hand, we do see Dean being more emotionally open, but to no avail. Bad timing. This is a trend. [oop also worth noting we get Dean being kinda done with the one night stand thing because always with the adios and ahem also hint hint Cas refusing to stay put]

Seasons 9 & 10: aka Dean and Cas make bad decisions, but mostly Dean. The biggest turning point here is Cas being human for an extended period of time. There is still plenty of spec over the effects of being human on Cas’s Grace and his Soul. What we can say for sure, though, is that Cas is much more human once he becomes an angel again. In contrast to s8, s9 sees Cas being vulnerable and Dean pushing him away (first because of Gadreel, which he didn’t want to do really and that’s even sadder kdjfgksdfj & later because he was pushing everyone away due to the mark).

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait: there’s been so much amazing fic and spec about this episode with its fanfiction gap, but I can’t see a deancas get together here, folks. I know, it’s terrible. The lying from Dean and the hurt from Cas, imo, make the distance between them quite insurmountable at this point. While the episode is amazing (Bobo’s debut, too! So ♥) and has some notorious subtext throughout, I just can’t see the character bridging that gap into anything physical, much less emotional. Nevertheless, this episode does show perhaps the first intentional romantic tableaux with Dean and Cas, and that’s not nothing.

10.16 Paint it Black: from the point Dean gets the mark of cain until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible. But one of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. For one, it’s a rare bit of emotional honesty from Dean and for two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the thing between them, it’s still uncharted waters. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6. Anyway, he’s the full confession, so we can put a pin on it:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. [...] Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. [...] Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more, which all culminates in season 11, so...

Season 11: The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Luci (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems and by the end of the season we’re getting a clean slate. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. What this season does that is also super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible.

11.04 Baby: Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? The convo between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development in on of the things Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That's awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we're lucky we still get that at all. SAM: Really? You don't . . . Ever want something more? DEAN: I'm sorry, have you met us? We're batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

Compare this exchange with what we get from 11.11 and 11.19:

11.11 Into the Mystic: I’m bringing this episode as a crossreference to 10.16 and to show again that for all the closeness between Dean and Cas there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin'...If there's one thing I've learned in all my years on the road, it's when somebody's pining for somebody else. [...] Oh, don't try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters: Continuing our trek regarding Dean wanting certain things we have this gift of an episode with Jesse and Cesar, and this exchange:

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13.

Alright, now having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point in retrospect, after getting smacked by the domesticity of 13 and 14. Under the cut because I can’t shut up, and things are long enough as is.

Season 12: Finally, the promise land, y’all. So, what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. Important to keep in mind that until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala.

12.10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim).

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You): Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it.

Offscreen happenings: Mixtape, how Cas knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow. This is hella suspicious.

12.19 The Future: This episode changes everything, y’all (bobo and meredith, folks, bobo and meredith ksjdhfakjshlfksd). Consider watching this episode again and pay attention to some weird things: 1. Dean’s reaction to Cas going awol. Compare it to Sam’s, who is like whoa Dean chill. Now, thought experiment, imagine something happened between Dean and Cas, and then just radio silence from Cas. Imagine how Dean would react with getting ghosted by Cas specifically after something happened between them. 2. Cas comes back to the bunker with the specific goal of stealing the Colt, which he already knew was under Dean’s pillow -- something Sam didn’t even know. 3. “He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But Cas clearly knew where the Colt was already, which means something happened before Cas came back to the bunker. Cas played Dean in seeming to have reconsidered not working with Sam and Dean wrt Kelly. This is still a point of drama, but it leads somewhere else (see s13 & s15). 4. WHEN DID DEAN GIVE CAS THAT MIXTAPE OMG 5. Dean and Cas’s brief convo in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together -- because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth.

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him -- Dean is clearly shook by it -- Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) -- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow -- ???? -- Cas goes awol -- Dean acts like he got ghosted by his partner.

Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But ymmv, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication.

Ok, maybe the narrative is still too subtle (?????), but as I said before, looking at 12 with the knowledge of 13 and 14 does offer a new perspective because of the difference in dynamic between Dean and Cas. I know lots of people look at 14, mainly, as having dialed back on the destiel side of things, but I always thought that was a strange take. Largely because they’re so domestic and their dynamic, ie, the lack of tension, reads like an established relationship. It’s a different kind of beast than we have been used to so far, so it does look alien on screen, especially since we “skipped” the conventional getting together cue that would let us change gears. Let’s take a look at 13 and 14, then.

Season 13: Ah, yes, the season of shit gets domestic. The pining? Gone? What? Deancas now reading like an established couple? It’s more likely than you think.

13.1-13.5: Dean’s grief mini-arc. Dude’s acting like a widower. We all know this. I want to gesture towards the reunion moment though with “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying.

13.6 Tombstone: hi this episode is pure love and Dean is so happy his sweetheart is back from the dead? He’s even ok being Jack’s third dad now? What a time to be alive. Also? apparently Dean and Cas were just having movie night together? Dates? Mutual Pining dates prior to shit going to hell in 12? Do you ever cry? What else are they getting up to offscreen? What else will they get up to off screen? MUCH TO THINK ABOUT.

Season 14: MORE DOMESTICITY. With some pining because Michael. But...heart eyes when Dean comes back? Watch that scene again with Dean going off to shower. Suspicious. But then shit hits the fan and we’re all sad again. boo.

14.15 Peace of Mind: Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t coupley asf.

14.18-14.20: Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established issue between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here; he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? Divorce arc was entirely too literal.

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will they or won’t they because they already have. The tension is instead will they or won’t they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. There’s a crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned TWELVE FRIGGIN’ EPISODES. Y’all. Y’all that’s half a season. And we’re not even entirely done with it yet because Dean was cut short in purgatory, and they haven’t dealt with Cas’s side of blame in this mess yet either -- that Cas keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. And, you know, that’s a whole lot more exciting than witnessing their for realsies first kiss. I’m also confident Dabb & co will deliver the conclusion to this emotional arc and it will be a whole mess of feelings on all our parts.

For the moment, though, it’s looking a lot like Dean and Cas had a rocky start to their ~involvement, then DEATH, then they got together feat. sweet sweet domestic fluff, then DIVORCE. So, yeah. Season 12, guys; it’s where it’s at.

As for the more performative aspect of Dean and Cas’s relationship…that’s a whole other thing and all I can say is they got the green light for something, but I don’t know what it is and it’s driving me bananas, but it’s definitely something and we can talk about that, too. Place your bets, etc. I’m clowning on the “I love you” pay off because it’s a glaring missing piece in this whole story. See also: holding hands? Carving Cas’s initials on the table? Saileen endgame parallels? All supported by the narrative. Like a lot. So. *finger guns*

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #spn #spn meta #my writing #one day i'll title my posts after things that aren't questionable songs #but today is not that day #this post has strong ship manifesto from the late 00's vibes #i miss those things they were handy

52 notes · View notes

trunaturalista · 6 years ago

Text

Costa Rica: The Solo Traveler.

I have received so many DM’s and texts regarding my trip and I wanted to share a few answers. Please reach out if there is something I did not address.

Did you use a travel agency for your Costa Rica trip?

Absolutely not. The only time I’ve used an agency was when I went to Dubai and that was only because I was traveling to the Middle East. I planned this entire trip myself. I found a great treehouse to stay in with wonderful owners that made the entire process seamless and meaningful. Google.com. Booking.com. Search for exactly what you want.

Did you stay on a resort?

Nope! I stayed in a treehouse/villa apartment vibe. It was gated, but anyone could honestly access if it really was that deep. This was one of the most amazing places I’ve stayed. I met all of the owners and they ensured I was happy, safe, each and every day. If you are afraid of bugs, lizards, monkeys, snakes, well the wilderness, do not do it to yourself. You will not make it, lol.

What made you select Costa Rica for your first solo travel trip?

It’s literally one of the top places for female solo travelers. Literally….do your research on every country, city, village you want to travel to and read articles. Check stats. Research crime. Costa Rica has always been on my very long bucket list and it seemed kind of perfect.

It is rainy reason, but I believe this season really gave me an opportunity to relax, release and think. It rained a lot at night and that is when I wrote, read, and meditated the most.

I really wanted to stay in a village to get the true experience although…many thought this was beyond dangerous. Most did not speak English at all and you have to be prepared for this. I loved hearing about the history of the village from the locals.

Costa Rica is the safest country in Central America…:)

This trip allowed me to travel on a small plane. I had to fly into San Jose and then take a domestic flight from San Jose to Tambor. From Tambor, my taxi ride was 45 mins to the village and to my treehouse. It was a lot of travel, but it was exactly the experience I wanted.

Were you scared? Did you feel unsafe?

I absolutely was scared…who would not be? I am always a little anxious before traveling to a new place, but it’s not a bad feeling – it’s like a rush, really. Like wow, I’m really doing this! When I arrived at the village and even when I landed in San Jose…there is not one moment when I felt unsafe. Everyone was warm, welcoming, and willing to give me information if I had a question about something. When I was out on my Quad and it had issues reversing and switching gears, someone was always willing to help. Even if they did not speak English, they still wanted to make sure I was good. Never felt like I was going to be snatched or sold into sex trafficking as so many people chimed in my inbox.

Why solo travel?

I’ve learned that people are extremely disappointing and will bail on you at any minute when it comes to travel. I told myself that when I turned thirty, I would embark on this solo travel journey for a number of reasons:

The trip was about me! I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, hell I sat around naked for hours doing absolutely nothing but thinking about how blessed I was. My daughter. Future plans. My friendships. Relationship. Everything.

I was 100000% selfish. I spent money money! Bought what I wanted. I ate what the fuck I wanted. When I wanted, woke up when I wanted, drank when I damn well pleased andddddd was just naked as hell in the rainforest. I called the damn shots.

Man, I was able to recharge. Lowkey, but highkey, if you know me, I’ve been through a lot of shit the last year. Relocating twice. Job switches. Adjusting for both myself and my beautiful child. I’ve lost and gained friends. This trip gave me the space to recharge my mental, physical and emotional being. It was so necessary.

I love vulnerability. Like, solo travel is the ultimate way to put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Listen, I’ve moved to two places with/out any family or friends in sight – that is vulnerability. But, traveling to a foreign country solo is another level. It’s scary, but it’s a cool ass vibe man. With this….you can accomplish anything.

I needed and wanted to create a space to heal. That is all I can really say on that.

I needed to find myself again. I get lost, found, lost, found. It’s nice. Meaningful. You literally have nothing but time to think about any and everything. It’s quiet.

Solo travel is super empowering. It’s only lonely when you decide not to go out and meet, talk to and explore, honestly.

What did your family and friends say?

Loaded question!

Listen, my mom was excited but worried as any mom should be. My dad was on some ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT ‘ASHA and probably didn’t sleep the entire time I was gone. My sisters were all for it and encouraging. My closest friends were super happy for me. My man-panion was worried, but also excited because he’s traveled solo abroad as well. So many folks in my messages with envious messages and words of encouragement. Felt great. But, there were a lot of ppl in my inbox spewing negativity. “You are crazy” “You can be sex trafficked” “It’s stupid to travel alone” “what about Zarah” “you wilding” blah blah blah etc etc etc. Thank God I am in a much better space now, otherwise I might have reacted negatively. I chalk it up as projection (clearly they do not have the vagina to live life out loud) and keep it pushing. And thank Allah that I have a hefty life insurance policy.

How much was your trip?

Stay out of my pockets, playa, lol.

What tips do you have for female solo travelers in Costa Rica?

Research the city/village you plan to stay in. How do they dress? What is around? Are there things to do? Is crime heavy? Try to dress the part. The less you look like a tourist, the better. Bring boots or some sort of heavy duty shoe. Cover up!

Walk fast. Yo, keep it pushing. Get to where you are going to get, period. Google maps!

Keep cash in multiple places just in case you are robbed. Let’s be honest…crime happens everywhere and if you look like a tourist, you are in a vulnerable position. Keep cash in your bra, you backpack, your shoe, your pockets. If you are unfortunately robbed, they won’t get to all of those places. I cannot express this enough!

Do not be afraid to speak to strangers. You honestly do not have a choice. I mean, you could sit around and simply not socialize with anyone, but that really is no fun. This trip gave me an opportunity to put myself out there and talk to people in my broken Spanish ways, lol. I was forced to make friends. When I went to yoga, I met three people from Washington D.C all of which were female and in Costa Rica alone – it felt great. Had I not opened my mouth, I would have never met those travelers.

Solo travel means you are not splitting the cost of anything with anyone – it can be costly. Save up for solo trips and accept that you are going to have to drop some bread to enjoy yourself, depending on what you want to do. Luckily, $1 USD = $568.26 colones so I pretty much balled out in that village, lol. Food was cheap. A whole meal could be about 3000 colones, which is only $5.00 in USD. And by whole meal, I mean a whole Red Lobster meal for $20.00. Like, I’m not kidding.

Alcohol – Well, due to recent “deaths” due to Costa Rican alcohol, I was definitely on super high alert. I brought my own American shots to Costa Rica and visited the village market for wine. I only purchased wines that I knew were sold in America and that were not made in Costa Rica as a precaution. I did not drink at any of the bars in Costa Rica when I was out to eat because I had everything I needed at my treehouse. It made sense. Always be safe. I was not too alarmed by the number of deaths considering the millions of people that travel in and out of Costa Rica daily, but still.

Please pack bug spray and sunblock. Listen, the bugs are looking for blood and Costa Rica is way down by the equator. The HEAT HITS DIFFERENT OK. Protect your skin at all times! Plus, there are a lot of questionable bugs that I know bit me, lol.

What were your struggles?

I worry a lot. I’ve always been a worrier as my mom says. When I could learn what it meant to worry, I started lol. I worried about so many things, but I didn’t let it overcome me.

The village was intimidating – at first. But, once I got out there and drove around, I was cool.

My ATV/Quad had major struggles, lol. The first night I went out for dinner at this place called Koji’s and I couldn’t get the damn thing to start or reverse. A man saw me struggling and started walking my way. I’m thinking….OH GOD, it’s over for me, lol. But, he came over and got me on my way. I was grateful and he….was harmless.

I am not super friendly, but I’m not mean. I struggled with walking up to strangers and asking questions. But, I did it. It was awesome and I met some amazing people!

Interesting thing happened:

On my flight from the United States to San Jose….there was a mother and her small child, maybe 6 or 7 months old, traveling to Costa Rica alone. She happened to be walking by my seat on the plane and started to have a seizure out of nowhere. The flight attendants were asking who could hold the baby and no one wanted to hold the baby.

This was happening right next to me.

There was a doctor and two nurses on the flight and they confirmed that she was having a seizure and that we had to let it pass. Mind you, this baby was screaming bloody murder and needed a damn diaper change. Finally, she wakes up and explains that she has never has seizures before and she seemed fine as she grabbed her baby. No less than twenty minutes later, she starts having another seizure and we embark on an emergency landing into San Jose. As for anyone….this gave me major anxiety. I started to think…what will happen to me if I have a seizure? I have no one around. Nobody knows my health history. Anxiety began to really whoop my ass due to this horrible event. I was able to breathe, push through, etc. Prayer, meditation, faith in God, really.

Summary?

This trip taught me that there is nothing to fear but God. And (as my friend says) that the world is big and you are safe in it. I feel like a new person. I feel refreshed. Renewed. Free. I feel like a got damn beast. I feel strong. Empowered. Powerful. I feel invigorated. I feel sanctified, damn I feel liberated. Ugh. Go for it. Travel solo. I cannot wait to book my next destination and share it with you all.

#solotravel #travelguide #femaletravel #blackwomen #blogger #vlogger #writers on tumblr #poetry #poems #writers #costarica

9 notes · View notes

jasnnine · 6 years ago

Text

Opinions on the moon signs, Part II

Here's my part one:

Scorpio moon 🦂🖤

Ah yes, my closest cousin and mother. Two people i charish and value very much. I cant describe the connection i have with these moon signs, but it is indeed intense and something like no other. Scorpio moons are deeply loyal and strong individuals. All the ones ive met love to plunge themselves into the depths of their mind. They are super sensitive and have a hard time with confidence. They test others because they dont think they deserve to be loved, when in reality they are amazing lovers/friends and deserve every inch in return. A lot of them have a hard time coping with the realities of life and in some cases like to turn to drugs/alcohol in order to escape. My cousin doesnt like dealing with her emotions and my mom sees them as a sign of weakness. You should really let yourself feel whatever you need to, scorpio moon. Its better to live life being true to yourself than hiding away in fear of not being "enough" or judged by others. You are so interesting and intricate in fascinating ways. Your true friends will stay by no matter what because of how much they respect having you by their side.

I love this moon sign, 11/10

Sagittarius moon 🍃🧘🏽‍♀️

Ive only known a few people with this placement and ooh wee are they a good time! You guys are so fun and have a really nice personality. Usually the guy/gal cracking jokes and trying to make their friends laugh and usually succeeds cuz of their wicked sense of humor. Finds joy in the little things and has interesting tastes. Has awesome style and is super smart bookwise. However, the ones I've known have been irresponsible due to their impulsive behaviors. Also loves a good debate which may sometimes lead to arguments between good friends/partners, doesn't like someone telling them what to do and will run at the first hint of possessiveness. Their lives usually seem like a whirlwind, but their positive attitudes help them through.

Real fun peeps, but not exactly people who i tend to keep around or who willingly stick around themselves. Its a 6/10 from me.

Capricorn moon 👶🏽👴🏽

Old in the mind but children at heart, this placement has to be my favorite of them all. My bestfriend has this moon sign along with my sister. You guys are so practical and hardworking. Always looking out for your a fam, a really good colleague and friend. Knows when to act serious and when to put in the effort to reach their goals, always has a goal. Doesn't spend too much time lingering in the past, unless there are other water placements, and likes to take higher steps in life. Usually the manager/boss type who likes their dominance. Has deep feelings but just needs the right person to express them too. Is the friend who gives you realistic advice when you need it. Financially aware. One thing i have noticed with this moon sign, is they have a hard time handling their emotions. I imagine it comes to them in waves and they're not sure how to calm it down and therefor get into episodes of panick or anxiety. Werent really allowed to feel while growing up because of all the expectations set upon them by family and thus creates someone with a lot of built up tension and discomfort. You guys should sit down and acknowledge whats going through your head and avoid letting it build up. There are people near you who care, you dont have to battle life alone.

Fav moon sign for sure :>

Aquarius moon 🤬💥💎

Most of the aquarius moons ive known had earth sun signs so here we go:

You guys are real interesting folk with a good sense of humor, have HELLA FRIENDS, loves to party or waste your time doing nothing, and are unconventional to a fault. Always interested in the world or some type of spiritual path, open minded as well, and have probably done everything your parents warned you not to do. Restless spirits. Bold af. Very quick to learn new skills. Maybe a tad bit too restless, ignoring boundaries and getting trouble often. Rebellious as can be. Humanitarian.

Im giving this one a 7/10

Pisces moon 💌💫

What a placement, huh? This one is mine, and mann is it a trip. I haven't met a lot of pisces mooners in my life, but hey im one and that counts right? I guess what i can say is that i have a really weird fucking mind and sometimes believe im not like most people, I for sure pity myself a lot and feel like im comfortable with melancholy. Its true that reality is just a sound in the distance and instead i keep my attention focused on building my ideal lifestyle; I get upset/hurt easily plus have a difficult time accepting criticism in a healthy form. Being the way i am with all my flaws, i have a lot to say about the negatives, but i often fail to notice that i am only human after all. And so are you my little pisces reading this. One thing a lot of us fail to see is how admirable our creativeness and willingness to easily accept others is. We love love and have no problem helping out our friends and even strangers on the street. We are big sweethearts and are actually very courageous. Wear your heart on your sleeve with pride pisces, it takes courage to be that vulnerable. Go out and heal the world with that endless energy you have, everyone deserves just a little bit of it.

Thank you all for reading! I hope you have a good day 💋

#tumblr astrology #astrology #moon signs #scorpio moon #sagittarius moon #capricorn moon #aquarius moon #pisces moon #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces #birth chart #placements #for fun #thank you

61 notes · View notes

soveryanon · 6 years ago

Text

Reviewing time for MAG153! … Abridged version because I messed up my planning orz

- And we finally got an actual Corruption statement this season!! You made it into season 4, babe!!

I like how its Crawling Moment Of Awesomeness came little by little:

(MAG140) BASIRA: Er… Jon. What’s this. [DRY SOUND] ARCHIVIST: Mm? … Oh. That’s… [SILENCE] That, uh, that’s… my rib? BASIRA: … Right. [PUTS IT DOWN] ARCHIVIST: Yup… BASIRA: And… the jar of ashes. ARCHIVIST: Not– Not mine; I–I mean, it belongs to me, I–I guess, but it’s not… Er, stationery is in the other drawer?

(MAG145) ARTHUR: [SNORT] Slumlording over a nest. GERTRUDE: Oh. A nest of… what? ARTHUR: Found a mass of the Crawling Rot growing, a while back. Managed to get a hold of the property before it became too big. Gotta wait ‘til it blossoms before we can properly burn it.

(MAG152) HELEN: Hello, Jon. Been a while since you’ve been down here. ARCHIVIST: [ANGRY EXHALE] I didn’t come here to see you. HELEN: Oh, come now. I’m sure I’m more interesting company than the late Jane Prentiss. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … It’s all that left of her now. Apart from a… jar of ashes in my desk. Just a circle of rotten stone on an otherwise… unremarkable wall.

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: This, well… The Corruption at work, if I had to guess, though with unsettling echoes of a… “Fleshliness”.

Jane, The Hive, Jane&The Hive, and now The Corruption for itself.

It’s… an obvious things given Smirke’s name for it (well, at least Gerry’s), but one of the things I find very interesting with Corruption is how it… does that. Rather than insects for themselves, it “corrupts” something, quite often perceived as “pure” and/or “absolute”: Jane craving for “something beyond [her]self” (MAG032), the malarial research turning horribly badly (MAG045), Private Amherst giving his bed to the injured soldiers who needed it more than him (MAG068), little Gordon helping the old Maggie (MAG084), Lester Chang’s not-that-healthy new relationship with his father-in-law and his subsequent obsession for cleanliness (MAG093), Benoît Maçon’s desperation for love (MAG102), Jon’s third victim from season 4 (MAG146: “A man rejected by all who knew him, searching ever-darker places for love. When he told me his story, he started… weeping maggots.”), The Divine Chain cult turning the notion of selfless love into a requirement (MAG153)… which tied in with everything turning Wrong when the dog “Agapē” joined it and that so-called ~pure~ love just opened the door for… spooks.

- But also:

(MAG153, Barbara Mullen-Jones) “I hit my “lowest point” when I turned 41. That’s when my life came crashing down; at least on the inside. From the outside, I’m sure everything looked… pretty much okay. I was getting gigs, I had a job, I had plenty of friends and a supportive family… But that was when I started to properly look at my life, and I… really didn’t like what was looking back…! I was a stand-up comedian, you see, and a really good one. That’s not boasting, that’s just the truth. And I’d always assumed that that was enough to eventually have real success. And for the first… ten years, it seemed like I was right. I worked my way up, performed for basically nothing basically every night, and got to be pretty successful.

… And I stayed that way for the next ten years. [SIGH]

Trouble is, do you know how much a “pretty successful comedian” makes? Let’s just say I had a full-time office job and was still barely making rent. But between working full-time and gigging full-time, I just kept putting off everything else in my life. Always so sure the big time was just around the corner. “This is the TV spot that gets me noticed.” “This is the sell-out fringe show that makes me mainstream.” “This is the deal that actually goes somewhere.”

I made it through turning 40 with my self-image intact, but for some reason, at 41 I just… cracked. I realised I had spent most of my life with nothing to show for it but a few awards no one cares about, a string of… awful comedian exes who broke up with me for being funnier than them… and a dreadful office job [SIGH] I was going to be working until I died, because I’d never bothered to build a stable career. I was never going to own a home; never going to have kids; never going to have the life I’d spent my entire youth sacrificing for.”

… Yes, I know I just quoted the whole beginning of the statement but: a lot of the RQ crew and their friends are comedians, sooo, uhhh. RQ folks, are you okay.

- Abridged version as promised, but things I liked: how you could understand why the statement-giver got wrapped up in the cult, but also how… she didn’t really belong there indeed, because she was mostly focusing on the form of it (the kind words, the contact, the work in itself, the wine production), like she was attracted to the gratuitous symbolisms around the meditation course, but not truly receptive to… the meat of things, what was behind the shape of it, what was at the core?

How she was, at the end, extremely petty about the cult’s failure (“There’s a part of me that’s glad. A sick little part that’s happy that whatever “love” was there, whatever I couldn’t be a part of, is gone from the world. And no one else gets it either.”).

How, oops, a fair amount of officers in the American police may have signed their local equivalent of a Section 31 form… or else, Gertrude or Adelard had been around, because explosives (“The compound was destroyed in an “accidental generator explosion”, and everything was gone.”)

How, once again, we got a statement with an exterior shape reminescent of different Fears (Jon pointing it out at the end, a “fleshliness”), like a few other recent ones? Though this one was a bit spelled out for us. (“And when you’re at that point, it’s astounding what can crawl into your heart – and start to fester there. […] Or if they… came about after things started to change. Started to go rotten.”)

How the statement was about leaving everything to settle in America… while later in the episode, Julia&Trevor revealed that they had come back from it to England.

How the simple representation of the world encouraged by the cult found a kind of echo with Julia&Trevor, simplistically separating people between monsters (preys) and the rest?

- … So, once again: why is Jon reading these specific statements, since he came back from Ny-Ålesund?

* MAG146, “Threshold”: Jon did mention that he had been pulled towards that one when he began to focus on Hill Top Road (“I spent so long looking for it, back when I found his father’s, and… no luck. But now, I decide to start looking properly into Hill Top Road, and all of a sudden… I’m drawn to rearrange a filing cabinet – and what do I find behind it?”)

* MAG147, “Weaver”: left by Annabelle to Fuck Him Up.

* MAG148, “Extended Surveillance”: Beholding, someone getting taken over by Beholding and obsessing over his friend.

* MAG150, “Cul-de-Sac”: Hey, The Power Of MLM Love Can Save Someone From The Lonely Zone If You Reach For Them xoxoxo.

* MAG152, “A Gravedigger’s Envy”: Someone falling deeper and deeper (ha) into their shiny new patron and Enjoying What They’re Doing.

* MAG153, “Love Bombing”: how someone got indoctrinated into a cult, and dodged a bullet by being dismissed from it because they didn’t believe/Feel It enough.

Has it been Annabelle still messing with him? Beholding? A reflection of Jon’s own preoccupations, that’s been leading him towards the few last ones?

- Aka: was that once again Annabelle cackling in Jon’s face because WOW, these first few lines sure felt like someone cackling in Jon’s face:

(MAG153, Barbara Mullen-Jones) “Everyone thinks they’re too smart to get involved in a cult. I’m sure you do. You think, that at the first mention of “aliens”, or the end of the world, or the lost book of the Bible, where Jesus buried his Holy Staff in the foothills of the Himalayas… you’d go running. Trouble is, that misunderstands how it works. I mean, when I was with The Divine Chain, some of the smartest people there were also the most committed. Intelligence doesn’t make you less prone to taking on bad ideas, it just makes you better at defending them…! To other people, and to yourself. Smart people can believe some truly ridiculous things, and then deploy all the reason and logic at their disposal to justify them. Because belief doesn’t begin in your mind – it begins in your feelings.”

… So once again, Jon’s reaction is a priceless “jON???” moment because:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: Statement ends. [SIGH] … I swear. I almost find the cult dedicated to the Dark Powers of Fear easier to understand than the more mundane sort. At least they have some consistency.

“What’s going on?” / Jon: *clicks “I’m in this statement and I don’t like it.”*

Oh My Gods, Jon… you read so many statements… they work/proceed exactly the same… getting you when you’re vulnerable… filling in what you’re craving and lacking, with the mix of “making you think you were shaped for them” and “shaping you for them” in turn…

(At least, he wasn’t in denial over the fact that the Dread Powers are “cults”. That would have been harder for him to do, anyway; and he didn’t deny it in the past when Georgie (MAG083, “Look me in the eyes and tell me that it’s not part of the cult or whatever the hell it was that left you homeless.”) and Jude (MAG089, “I don’t suppose I could talk to anyone else in your, um…” “It’s fine, you can call it a cult.”) both used the term. Still. Jon, there is no comfort/pride/excuse to get by trying to claim that the Fears Gods you’ve been involved with are more effective than your ~regular~ cults.)

- … How did Julia&Trevor manage to leave America? Last time we had heard of them, they were stuck:

(MAG109) ARCHIVIST: And… [SIGH] why America? JULIA: [FAINT GROAN] TREVOR: [CHUCKLE] Heard tell there were a wolfman…! JULIA: [LAUGH] TREVOR: Old Dave, he’s down in Plymouth, swore blind his brother had seen one on the Pacific Crest trail– JULIA: I told Trevor he was a liar, but here we are anyway. Have been for a couple of years…! TREVOR: Hey, now – no wolfman, sure, but there’ve been plenty out here that would needs killing! JULIA: [LONG-SUFFERING SIGH] True enough. Plus, it’s hard to leave. We’re not exactly here legally and trying to get a flight home would get us noticed by authorities we’d rather avoid. TREVOR: I keep telling her we could hop a boat! JULIA: And I tell him I’d rather stay hunting here than trap myself on a boat for two weeks!

(Julia has Bad History with water.)

- I wasn’t incredibly clear on the post-statement scenography – I assumed there had been a gunshot at first (but it wasn’t tagged in the content warnings, although it had consistently been in previous episodes), so was that loud bang… Jon’s door? Or the trapdoor? being violently banged open?

(There was the chair scraping on the floor when Julia was ordering Jon to stay sitting, so for that, I pictured her hands on his shoulder and at some point, them pinning his arms in his back and slamming his head on the table.)

- Loving how Julia’s perception of Jon doesn’t change:

(MAG107) JULIA: We can chat in the car! I’m sure you’ve got a ton of librarian stories, the miles will just fly by.

(MAG153) JULIA: Sure. Or: I slit your little bookworm’s throat…!

Jon Is Just A Nerd, uh.

- I really love how Jon “Can’t Shut His Mouth” Sims and Julia “Sims, Shut The Fuck Up” Montauk’s dialogue:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: [VENOMOUS] Gerry wasn’t “yours”. You had no right– [SLAMMING SOUND] TREVOR: Oh, you hear that, Julia? “Gerry”. JULIA: Sounds like it got pretty chummy…! Where is he? […] JULIA: Sure. Or: I slit your little bookworm’s throat…! DAISY: Do it. That give me a chance to finish off your dad. TREVOR: I’m not her father…! ARCHIVIST: Not by blood, maybe…! JULIA: Shut. it. ARCHIVIST: [GROAN OF PAIN]

… was basically an exchange of “YOU’RE JUST A USELESS BI” “OH YEAH? AND YOU HAVE DADDY ISSUES.”

Jon. Jon, please.

(Guuuh over Julia’s “You always do what evil books tell you to, do you?” because… she can’t know, but to say that to someone who had almost been taken by Mr Spider because following the book’s thread? Aouch.)

- And my heart BREAKS over the fact that Julia&Trevor are reproaching him… what was the Most Obviously Anti-Beholding thing Jon has ever done, back in season 3 – fulfilling the promise he had made to Gerry, and freeing/actually killing him, even if it caused himself pain in the process. But for Julia&Trevor, it’s precisely what made him an enemy just like any other monster.

(MAG153) ARCHIVST: He asked me to. JULIA: Oh, really? You always do what evil books tell you to, do you? TREVOR: Gotta say, I’m disappointed. Genuinely thought you were different. But you’re just another monster. Not even worth the chase…! JULIA: You want the honours, old man. TREVOR: Don’t mind if I do~!

Aouch. (I wonder what part of it was rightful anger at being deprived of their “monster manual”, and how much was actually a pretext to kill someone they had so far deemed as vaguely spooky, though? Interestingly, they didn’t mention that they felt like Jon had gotten worse or anything. According to their words, they only wanted to kill Jon because they felt that he had betrayed them and that siding with Gerry meant that he was “another monster”.)

- And bringing back the mention of Gerry and the book… also puts Eric Delano back to mind. Gerry only knew that his mother had used his father as training material with the book, but he didn’t find him inside. We know that Mary gave Gertrude a page, implying that it was Eric’s (“what’s left of him”), but Jon didn’t find it in Gertrude’s secret stash either:

(MAG111) GERARD: I never knew my dad. Not really. He worked in the Archives like you, but quit once I was born. I think he wanted to help raise me. But mum didn’t need the help, and after me she wasn’t able to have kids again, so she killed him in his sleep to practice her bookbinding. I guess she failed. I always thought he was in here, but when I eventually got hold of it, there wasn’t a page in there.

(MAG062) MARY: The End, of course. I could never truly serve it; I just don’t find death that interesting. I’ve always found a singular devotion far too restrictive. Just ask Eric… or what’s left of him. […] GERTRUDE: And do you have any proof of this? Your… “magic book”. MARY: Yeah. [PAPER RUSTLING] You can keep this page. I made sure it was in English. GERTRUDE: Go– Who… who is it? MARY: A surprise, dear. Just make sure you’re alone when you read it. [CHAIR SCRAPING] Goodbye, Gertrude. Wish me luck. [DOOR OPENING] [DOOR CLOSING] GERTRUDE: Well. I–I don’t… really know what to add to that. If what she says is true, I should think carefully before reading this page aloud. I should probably destroy it. [GRUNT] I do rather hate the smell of burning skin. Anyway… that’s a decision for another day. [CHAIR SCRAPING] [FLOORBOARD OPENING] [FLOORBOARD CLOSING] […] ARCHIVIST: […] But in spite of all that, I’m… strangely excited. Because what sticks out to me more than anything else in that tape… is the very distinctive floorboard, at the end. [CLOTHES RUFFLING] One that hasn’t changed in the eight years since this statement was given. There’s never been any reason to look closely at a random section of floor. This bit wasn’t even breached by any of the worms. [FLOORBOARD OPENS] Because it had Gertrude’s hidden compartment beneath it. Hmm. No… strange skin page. But there is a laptop. And a key. I wonder what it opens. End supplement. [CLICK.]

So… the question is still up – did Gertrude burn the page in the end? We know that she had burned a few things down in the tunnels, including at least one Leitner. Did she keep the page and is it stored somewhere? And if so… why would have she kept it? Eric was likely one of her assistants before Gerry was born, and Gertrude sounded… rather fond of him:

(MAG085) ARCHIVIST: Date of original statement unclear, though paper quality likely puts it at between twenty and thirty years ago. […] There are some… short pieces of correspondence in the file, addressed to Gertrude, from someone called, er, Eric Delano, confirming that while he typed out this statement, he has no memory of doing so, and requesting some sick leave to address… persistent migraines he has developed.

(MAG137) GERTRUDE: […] And I will admit I’ve grown… fond of the boy. I wonder, if I told him about Eric – whether he’d follow in his father’s footsteps. Still, that’s not like it kept Eric safe in The End.

A few things: Gerry did point out to Jon that he was surprised that Gertrude had apparently managed to get Mary to teach her how to book-bind (MAG111: “I just had to make sure I took the book while my mum was fading, and brought it to her, and then she would free me. I didn’t really believe her, I don’t think, but I did it anyway. When she returned the book to me a week later, her pages burned and mangled, I think I actually cried with relief. I never even considered that my mum might have taught Gertrude how to make pages for it before she was destroyed.”). Could Gertrude have learned it through Eric instead of Mary? Gerry also mentioned that, beyond the fact that Gertrude had chosen to imprison him within the book, he didn’t understand why she had left him behind (MAG111: “I think… I think I finally understand why she brought me back. I just don’t understand why she left me behind.”) – and, indeed, why…? Was it because she had been too freaked out by her arrest (although the book… stayed behind, unclaimed, and she could have got her hands back on it legally)? Was it because Gertrude wanted to leave behind a few hints about her actions, in case she got killed before achieving her goals? Was it because she wanted to retrieve it later, when things would be safer…? (That’d be extremely sentimental coming from her, but if she had kept Eric’s page… could it be that she had planned for Gerry and Eric to meet somehow at some point? If so: AOUCH, because Jon gave Gerry what he wanted, what he asked for… but if Jon were to discover that Eric’s page was still intact and that Gerry could have met his father at last? That… would hurt, uh.)

- Julia&Trevor being back in the game means that they… potentially share a connection with everyone in Team Archives, one way or another:

* Jon was Hunted by Julia, kidnapped/“bodyguarded” by her (MAG107), took Julia&Trevor’s statement about how they met (MAG109), stole Gerry’s page from them (MAG111) before burning it (MAG117). They were already on the fence about Jon’s status as a potential prey back then, but they had at least some interests in common with him (the world not ending, perceiving Max Mustermann as an enemy); right now, Julia&Trevor are clearly labelling Jon as a target and as an overall “monster” – plus, they have the grudge about the page and… there is the fact that Jon’s dreams contained them:

(MAG153) JULIA: [LAUGHS] You’ve got something of ours. TREVOR: “Someone”. JULIA: Took him right from under our noses…! TREVOR: In our own house. JULIA: I call that rude, don’t you? ARCHIVIST: [VENOMOUS] Gerry wasn’t “yours”. You had no right– [SLAMMING SOUND] TREVOR: Oh, you hear that, Julia? “Gerry”. […] Not gonna ask you again, son. ARCHIVIST: I burned the page. Released him. [SILENCE] TREVOR: Aren’t that right noble of you. JULIA: Proper humanitarian. TREVOR: So. [INHALE] Let me get this straight! We take ye in; protect ye from the thing that’s huntin’ ye… JULIA: Spared your life! Even though you’re no better. TREVOR: Help you; give you access to one of our most valuable resources; and you steal it from us, piss off back to England, and then… burn it?! [SHUFFLING] That’s just inconsiderate.

(MAG120) ELIAS: The dark building is newer, but he knows it well; knows the two lost souls who creep through it with an alert hunger on their faces. He recognizes that look from the other Hunter whose dreams he's watched for so long. They stalk the darkness itself, and hope to catch and kill it before it can do the same to them. They see him watching, but they cannot catch his scent.

… Even for Jon’s standards, that’s a lot. Usually, people wanted him dead because of the “Archivist” title and/or because he was marked by The Eye (Jane Prentiss, the Not!Them, Nikola, Michael-The-Distortion in MAG101…), not for… personal reasons, for things Jon himself had done. (… The only exception had been, interestingly… Daisy. Daisy who wanted to rip him apart because he had forced her to give him her statement, and because she kept seeing him in her dreams.)

(* Obviously Peter, and potentially Martin, because:

(MAG153) TREVOR: [SHAKING SIGH] … Come on, Julia. JULIA: What?! TREVOR: There’s no rush. [CHORTLING] We’ve got all the time in the world. Besides… this place is just full of monsters. She can’t guard ’em all.

There Are Other “Monsters” Here.

Would they sense the spooks from Martin, nowadays…?)

* Daisy used to be a Hunter like them, but has decided to stop serving. Trevor used to perceive The Hunt as an “addiction”, occasionally managed to make himself quit it, but when Jon met him in June 2017, Trevor had returned to The Hunt and already decided that he was getting a fair deal out of it, all things considered:

(MAG056, Trevor Herbert) “In the early 80s, I was deep in the grip of my twin addictions. As I mentioned, after a while, The Hunt became an addiction of its own. Of the two, I’ve always found heroin the easier one to quit. […] But The Hunt… the hunt is a purpose. It’s not just a way to get through the day, it’s a reason for there to be a day at all. […] Ah, it’s a shame I’m on the way out. I will miss The Hunt.”

(MAG109) ARCHIVIST: I–I mean, yes… But the situation has changed quite a bit. Last I heard, you were dying of lung cancer…! TREVOR: I was. ARCHIVIST: And now…? TREVOR: I’m not. [CHUCKLE] ARCHIVIST: And, and that doesn’t strike you as… odd. TREVOR: Not much I see these days isn’t “odd”, somehow or other. Not gonna turn my nose up at that one bit that worked out well for me. I hunt monsters; my lungs don’t kill me. [HUFF] Seems like a fair trade. No big job, today.

Daisy antagonised them both, Julia & Daisy are quite obviously ready and willing to jump at each other’s throat again… Which is a bad sign for Daisy, since they’re bringing back her murderous thoughts.

(On the one hand, their antagonism could push Daisy back into The Hunt’s waiting arms. On the other hand… it could go another way – though that would feel very hopeful: now that Trevor has been acknowledged as being a father figure for Julia… could it lead to Trevor pushing Julia out of The Hunt, because he would care more about her well-being than about hunting with her and he knows what a life of Hunt does to you?)

* BASIRA WAS WITH THE SECTION’D OFFICERS WHO RAIDED RAYNER’S LAST BODY-THEFT ATTEMPT, AND SHE WITNESSED HIS DEATH.

Especially since Basira&Jon have just come out of a mini-Dark arc… it feels especially relevant? Julia lost both her mother and her father to the People’s Church of the Divine Host, because of Rayner, and she had herself been scared of The Dark for long:

(MAG109) JULIA: There was another reason that I chose to work nights. If you read my statement, then I’m sure it will come as no surprise that for most of my life, I’ve had a pretty significant fear of the dark. I used to lie awake at night; listening, straining my ears for the noise of movement or that… dreadful growl coming out of the dark. It was one of my better counsellors that suggested I try working nights as a way to address it. And it worked! For the most part.

Amongst other things, we recently had confirmation of what had happened to Julia’s mom through Manuela’s statement:

(MAG143) MANUELA: You were not the first to try and stop us, you know. Not even within living memory. I was but newly joined when [Lynette] fled the Church, and Maxwell had her silenced. But I remember her brute of a husband. He fed the beast for us, you know, when first he believed [Lynette] might still be saved. Then, later, we faithful served as his fuel to banish it. But, not for long. That’s the thing about Darkness, isn’t it? You try your hardest to eradicate, flood your surroundings with light, but it’s always there at the edges – waiting for the glow to weaken, to return and cover you forever. Robert Montauk discovered that the hard way.

(And in return: Manuela mentioned that Darvish had “crossed a Montauk, which has… traditionally gone poorly for us.”, which was an allusion to Julia and was covered by the story she told Jon in MAG109.)

Why Robert Montauk did what he did and what happened to her mother could still be elements that Julia would be interested to know. (Or… not anymore, because she tried to leave that life behind her, but… still, I have trouble picturing that it would be a coincidence that she would be back right after Jon&Basira heard that story.)

* … I’m especially worried about Melanie, since her “connection” to Trevor&Julia is that… they burned down the Ivy Meadows care home, including what was left of Melanie’s father:

(MAG036, Nicole Baxter) “I turned and began to sprint back towards my car. I had to get away, to get out. Then, without warning, I felt something heavy hit me in the side and I lost my footing, falling to the ground. I looked up to see an old man pinning me to the ground, his long, white beard matted and filthy. I screamed and tried to escape, but his age seemed to have done nothing to diminish his strength, and he kept his grip easily. Then he spoke in a thick Mancunian accent and told me to keep my voice down. I noticed that his skin was unblemished pink, and behind him stood a young woman, tall and lean with close-cropped hair and a deep scar over her right eye. She carried a large canvas bag, and was shaking her head, telling the old man to leave me alone. After a few suspicious glances, he got up. I could swear I recognised him from somewhere, but when I asked the two of them who they were, they just shook their heads and told me to leave. I asked them what was going on, and the old man looked at his companion, as if asking permission, said something about knowledge being a good defence here. She shook her head and said that leaving quickly was a better one. I didn’t need to be told a third time. I got in my car, and I left them to their work. I didn’t turn around even when I saw the smoke start to rise behind me.”

[…] ARCHIVIST: The Ivy Meadows Care Home in Woodley was officially decommissioned in July 2011, a month before the first of these alleged calls came in. It burned down on the 4th of September that same year after a leaking gas main caught fire.

(MAG106) ELIAS: Your father was your last real anchor, wasn’t he? [STATIC RISES.] MELANIE: That’s none of your business. ELIAS: Perhaps. Five years is plenty of time to grieve. It’s a real tragedy, isn’t it – dementia? Oh, especially so early. But he always remembered you, didn’t he? “Little moth”. MELANIE: Shut. up. ELIAS: At least, you got him into a decent care home. Hard to afford on an irregular income like yours, but… your mother’s life-insurance helped plenty. And Ivy Meadows wasn’t as expensive as some of them! It’s a shame, about the fire. But I’d have thought it would offer something of a relief. MELANIE: Wh–what are you talking about…? ELIAS: Oh. Of course. They told you he died in his sleep, didn’t they? Smoke inhalation. A real tragedy, but at least he didn’t suffer. MELANIE: I… ELIAS: Do you want to know what really killed him? [STATIC RISES] MELANIE: [SHOCKED INHALE] [RAGGED BREATHING] [TAPE RECORDER HISSING] ELIAS: Awful, isn’t it? He really suffered. Not… really your fault, just bad luck. MELANIE: [RAGGED BREATHING TURNING INTO SOBS] ELIAS: That doesn’t comfort you, does it?

And I have no idea how Melanie will take that news. Able to remain stable and/or to decide that it may have been a mercy-kill? Refusing to feel any gratitude-adjacent feeling towards then, since they did it as Hunters (so, not to save innocents or to put the residents out of their suffering… but because there were monsters to kill)? Anger and resentment at what they did? (Would Melanie team up with them if it’s about tracking down Amherst…?)

- … So, Julia and Trevor just Got Inside Of The Institute Like That, and violence’d Jon, and would have gone for the kill if Daisy hadn’t stepped in:

(MAG153) TREVOR: Gotta say, I’m disappointed. Genuinely thought you were different. But you’re just another monster. Not even worth the chase…! JULIA: You want the honours, old man. TREVOR: Don’t mind if I do~! JULIA: [CHUCKLES] TREVOR: [CHUCKLES] DAISY: [FAR] Get away from him.

……………….. So, once again: pETER.

(S4 trailer) MARTIN: … Yeah. Yeah, I know. [PAUSE] I’m, er… I’m actually with him now. [SNIFFING] You were right. [PAUSE] … yeah. Yeah, I know. [LONG INHALE] I… [EXHALE] … Will they be safe? [PAUSE] … Okay… [INHALE] Okay! I’ll do it. Yeah. Sure thing.

(MAG126) PETER: Martin, this is what we agreed. After The Flesh attacked, you came to me. MARTIN: [SIGH] PETER: And I’ve held up my end of the bargain, despite your continued hesitation. Your friends have been largely untroubled by the many – many – enemies that they have made. MARTIN: What about the delivery guy? Breekon. And the coffin? PETER: Was that its name? To be honest with you, I thought it was dead. MARTIN: You thought wrong. PETER: True enough. And as soon as I learned it was here, I moved to intervene, but, well. It turns out I wasn’t really needed. And as far as the coffin goes, there’s not much I can do about a bull-headed Archivist– MARTIN: [EXPLOSIVE EXHALE] PETER: –who seems hellbent on self-destruction. My powers only extend so far. […] As I said, one of the last shreds of the Circus delivered a gateway into Too-Close-I-Cannot-Breathe. I went to help, but was too late. Then, your detective friend– MARTIN: No, she’s not a dete– PETER: –went on one of Elias’s wild-goose chases, then Jon wilfully hurled himself into the coffin. I did not intervene, because thankfully, I did not agree to protect your friends from their own idiocy.

(MAG142) MARTIN: … Anyway. So, what’s this field trip they’re on? DAISY: They, uh… they didn’t tell you? MARTIN: [DRY CHUCKLE] No, I… What. … [QUICKLY] Daisy, where have they gone? DAISY: You know that town in Norway? MARTIN: What? I… Wai– Wh–what?! You don’t mean Ny-Ålesund? DAISY: Yyyeah. They reckon there’s a ritual they need to, you know… MARTIN: Yeah, but Peter didn’t even men–…! [OPENS DRAWERS, SHUFFLES THROUGH THINGS] I don’t believe this! DAISY: Sorry. Shouldn’t have said anything. MARTIN: No, no, it’s… thank you, I just… [CLOSES DRAWER] For God’s sake, can he not stay safe for like, for like ten minutes?!

(MAG151) MARTIN: How honest has he been with me? SIMON: About which part? MARTIN: Protecting the others. SIMON: I think he tried. I suspect he may have slightly exaggerated his abilities when you first made the deal, but he certainly expended a reasonable amount of influence and resources to follow through. MARTIN: But… [EXPLOSIVE SIGH] But that was never the endgame, was it? He just wanted me on side long enough to rope me into his… his plans for The Extinction.

1°) I doubt that we’ll get to hear Martin learning about Julia&Trevor’s irruption in the Archives on tape, but PLEASE, I WANT TO HEAR HIS SHRIEKS WHEN HE DOES…

2°) We’re more likely to hear him explode in Peter’s face about it, though.

3°) That is, if Peter doesn’t flee into The Lonely forever to escape Martin’s wrath. Jokes aside: I don’t think that Martin will be surprised, at this point, because Simon has now confirmed to him that… Peter isn’t as strong/useful as a defender as he claimed. And this probably won’t be a game-changer for Martin�� unless it pushes him to press Peter to unfold The Plan already, at last, because the longer they wait, the longer Jon and the others are kept vulnerable.

(… Though: they should still be defenceless, whether Martin&Peter’s plan(s) succeed or not? Peter promised their safety, however… was he referring to extending his own protection to them (because we now have confirmation that that deal was mostly a scam), or because Martin would become something else and/or trigger something that could keep them safe in the long run…?)

- … Meanwhile, Elias had suggested another “defender” to Basira:

(MAG127) BASIRA: … So why am I here? What do you want that’s so important you needed to tell me to my face? ELIAS: I believe you’ve recently lost Melanie. BASIRA: … We saved Melanie. ELIAS: As a person, yes, but as a defender… I would have thought you would want all the help you could get, or… have you forgotten what happened last time you lay your guard down? BASIRA: … We’ll work it out. ELIAS: Possibly. Then again: you are beset by enemies on all sides, Basira. And unless you expect Jon to record them into submission, it would seem you’re in rather dire need of another option. BASIRA: … And you just happen to have one. ELIAS: I might have an idea, yes. BASIRA: And what does it cost? ELIAS: Just some of your time, Basira. Just your time.

(MAG135) BASIRA: Like hell you don’t! Every lead, a dead end. Every contact, vanished or dead. I’ve spent three weeks bouncing all over the globe on your bad intel, because you said there was a way to bring Daisy back. ELIAS: There was. It required you to be absent. BASIRA: [EXPLOSIVE EXHALE] You wanted him to go in there. ELIAS: And you would never have allowed it, had you been present. BASIRA: Why? ELIAS: Would you simply believe I wanted you and Daisy reunited? BASIRA: No.

… and did he mean Jon (who would have developed his powers further), or Daisy, in the end? Directly post-coffin, Basira had been absolutely disappointed in Daisy’s state:

(MAG133) BASIRA: Yeah, I just… I didn’t realise she’d change into someone who… can’t look after herself. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] BASIRA: Even without the muscle atrophy. ARCHIVIST: You were hoping for a defender. BASIRA: I was hoping for someone I can trust to share the load. Because right now, it’s all on me. ARCHIVIST: [SLOC EXHALES] It doesn’t have to be. BASIRA: Hm. ARCHIVIST: You’re not happy she is back. BASIRA: I didn’t say that, Jon. I would never abandon Daisy and, having her back is… [SIGH] But right now, she’s dead weight. And I need to be able to travel light.

But Daisy is proving that she’s still… kicking a bit, indeed. Or at least enough to chase away Julia&Trevor despite her, uh, current state:

(MAG153) DAISY: [FAR] Get away from him. JULIA: Oh… TREVOR: What’s this…? You got yourself a watchdog? JULIA: Well, more of a lapdog…! Scrawny, isn’t she? DAISY: [MENACINGLY] I said get back…! TREVOR: Malnourished, I’d say. How long since you last tasted blood? DAISY: [SHARP BREATHING] JULIA: You think you can take us both~? DAISY: … I’d enjoy it. Start with the old bastard – he’s slower, doesn’t guard his neck. And you worry about him too much, don’t you? I go for him, you get sloppy, predictable. […] TREVOR: [SHAKING SIGH] … Come on, Julia. JULIA: What?! TREVOR: There’s no rush. [CHORTLING] We’ve got all the time in the world. Besides… this place is just full of monsters. She can’t guard ’em all. JULIA: [PANTING] … Fine. DAISY: [GROWLS] [DOOR SLAMMED CLOSE]

I’m not absolutely sure whether the final growl was hers or Trevor’s and/or Julia’s, but, in any case, GODS, I love how Daisy has turned fiercely protective of her idiot Archivist.

- And at the same time, I’m heartbroken over Daisy but IN A GOOD WAY because I… was really fearing that she might have gone back to hunting behind the tapes’ back. But no. It’s… “just” that not Hunting is slowly killing her:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: Are you alright? DAISY: [BREATHLESS] Don’t touch me. ARCHIVIST: Christ, he was right, I, I didn’t… When did you get so thin? DAISY: I’m not, it’s fine. ARCHIVIST: … It’s The Hunt, isn’t it? Without it– DAISY: I’m fine. Just haven’t been hungry. I’m strong enough. ARCHIVIST: Clearly. DAISY: They’re not gone yet. We could still get them. [CLOTHES SHUFFLING] ARCHIVIST: Daisy, no. It’s like you say. “Don’t listen to the blood.” DAISY: [SLOWER BREATHES] … “Listen to the quiet”…

… And I wasn’t expecting Jon to spontaneously remind her not to Chase. To respect what Daisy had been fighting for, although he tried to argue with her overall decision shortly after. Gods, so with Melanie going on an Eye-strike, Jon not taking live-statements anymore, and Daisy being slowly killed by (the lack of) The Hunt… current Team Archives is slowly crumbling, and how long can it truly last…? Unless they find a way to temper the effects, or get better after a very bad period…?

- Also, no wonder Melanie and Daisy were getting closer, aaaah!! Same mindset of choosing death over feeding/getting fed by a Dread Power… with some nuances between the two: I’d say that Melanie’s stance feels more… ethical, after all (she didn’t want to contribute to The Fears’ system), while Daisy’s is really about doing things on her terms and not letting anything control her anymore? Although, as she pointed out, she is aware of the fact that she herself used to be involved in a (non-spooky, still very harmful) system and to be protected by it:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: Even so, if it’s having this much of an effect on you– DAISY: I’m not going back. I can’t let it in again. ARCHIVIST: But it– … What if it kills you? DAISY: [CHORTLE] Always said I was dedicated to justice…! ARCHIVIST: Daisy! It’s not… You can’t think like that. DAISY: Jon. Do you have any idea how much damage you can do if you’re a police officer who wants to hurt people? How much the system will protect you? [SHARP INHALE FROM JON] I managed to keep most of it from Basira, but…

(Well, despite Daisy’s attempts to hide it from her, Basira did know at the very least about Daisy illegally killing “monsters”. Basira wasn’t Perfectly Pure And Innocent when it came to condoning it, either.)

- I’m love Daisy, I love how frank she is about what she did, the fact that it was her… and also, that she decided she wouldn’t condone those things anymore ;;

(MAG142) MARTIN: It’s alright. Wasn’t you. [INHALE] Not really. DAISY: No, it was. I hate… a lot of what I did back then; doesn’t mean I’m not… responsible for it, doesn’t mean it… wasn’t me.

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: That wasn’t you, that was The Hunt! DAISY: … [SIGH] We were the same. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … You’d never known anything different. [SILENCE] DAISY: Because I never wanted to.

… And she’s also, implicitly, throwing what Jon Taught Her at his face:

(MAG121) OLIVER: I made a choice. We all made choices. Now, you have to– […] Make your choice, Jon.

(MAG132) DAISY: I hurt… a l–lot of people… and some who… who I shouldn’t have. Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life. Telling me who to chase, how to hurt them. I never needed to think… who I was outside of that. But down here, where I… I can’t hear the… blood anymore, I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better… [PANTS] Y–you know what I thought wh–when I woke up here? I thought this was hell; I wa–, I was dead, and within hell. And I… eh, I–I knew I deserved it… I don’t want t–to be a s–sadistic predator again… I–I don’t want to… hobble around, like some pathetic, wounded prey either… I don’t know which would be worse. And I’m sc–scared, now, that I’ll never get the choice… ARCHIVIST: One thing I’ve learned, Daisy, is that we all get a choice. Even if it doesn’t feel like one.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: My– [PAUSE] [INHALE] [SIGH] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing.

(MAG153) DAISY: All that time trapped was good for one thing: thinking. And I did a lot of it. I’ve made my choice. ARCHIVIST: Okay…! So what do we do when they come back? DAISY: I don’t know.

(Jon… you threw out so many encouraging words but still didn’t follow through on them yourself, uh? Because meanwhile, he had already attacked two people, and was trying to convince himself that he was being manipulated/pushed into doing it without having a say in it…)

And Jon Trying To Argue Hurt A Lot, because it’s very obvious that he’s projecting / seeing himself in her? He was eight when he encountered Mr. Spider’s book. Daisy was eleven when she met something (Slaughter woman?) who turned Calvin Benchley against her; indeed, she’s “never known anything else”, and it shaped her as a person (she became “Daisy” because of the scar the experience left her with). So, if Daisy, who has taken a stance (to stop being a Hunter and hurt people), were to decide that in the end, it’s too painful, it’s not worth it… maybe Jon thinks that he wouldn’t feel too bad about doing the same?

But no, Daisy is still saying that it’s not worth going back to her patron and hurting people, stripping Jon of that excuse and possibility right away. I still have no idea whether Jon will take inspiration from Melanie&Daisy, but… whatever he chooses in the end, we’ve had prime demonstrations that it’d indeed be his own choice – not the Web manipulating him, not Beholding replacing by something else, not the “ineluctability” of becoming a careless or ruthless monster, just his own personal decision to hurt rather than be hurt.

So; I still have no idea, I still feel like only Martin is the only one who can make things go forwards at the moment, but also, lots of plot threads are accumulating to just… explode at the same time and make a carnage.

MAG153’s title is Magnificent in its simplicity and… evocations. So. Could be a Slaughter thing, with a mix of Team Archives (/Daisy) getting wasted, but obviously, it puts Mary Keay and The End to mind. Though I don’t know what else we could get about Mary? Jon hasn’t said anything about running out of the stash of Gertrude’s tapes from Elias’s office, so it… could be one of them again (last one was MAG145, Gertrude&Arthur) – Gertrude talking with Ended!Mary after having invoked her page? Something from Eric Delano (in written form, or a recording with Gertrude while he was alive or dead) about his ~lovely wife~?

#X_X #2 #3 #4 #5 #the magnus archives #mag153 #tma liveblog #tma season 4 #long post/

3 notes · View notes

welcometoteamz · 6 years ago

Text

verse. » canon

Blaine as presented in the iZombie canon. Willing to write him at any point in time during any season. open to all.

verse. » i don’t think he’s faking

So there was a year long hiatus between seasons 2 and 3 where I wrote Blaine’s amnesia as being a legit and lasting thing, and he forged new dynamics and relationships with folk. i didn’t want to throw all that out so. he has Blaine’s history, but basically he becomes a new character with the same name/face . selectively open to mutuals.

verse. » new and improved version

Blaine tells Peyton when his memories return, and he makes a genuine effort to turn his life around. In her words, his memories come back, but he stays this new and improved version of Blaine. who is honest and doesn’t let his own fears and insecurities and accountability skirting fuck things up for himself. selectively open to mutuals.

verse. » bye bitch Blaine never feeds Angus and he’s left to turn Romero and eventually decompose at the bottom of the well.

open to all

verse. » untitled DuBeers verse

Rita survived getting shot in the head, and due to having no where else to turn went to Blaine. The two struck up a partnership/kinship/cute yet mischievous little dynamic. pretty much exclusive to @fairisfair, but if anyone wants threads set in that verse they can let me know.

verse. » teenage dirtbag

Blaine prior to the iXombie series, where he is a high school/uni student who eventually turns to selling underage kids beer which turns to him pushing drugs which leads to works for Boss after Angus cuts him off. open selectively to mutuals.

verse. » untitled au where blaine never started up meat cute

Yeah by this point he had turned Angus and carelessly turned Jackie but in this verse liv confronts him after seeing him with Dougie and Hutch. in this verse blaine didn’t know he could turn someone via sex, but after the confrontation at the morgue and being unable to get drunk he needed to feel something and turning jackie was an accident. so now liv is keeping a close eye on him which means no criminal activities. exclusive to certain mutuals.

verses under cuts bc their descriptions are too long.

» the blaine didn’t steal the cures au/rob thomas is inconsistent

» the latter half of s3 and all of s4 were lackluster imo and i wanna ignore it them

verse » the blaine didn’t steal the cures au/rob thomas is inconsistent

bc i’m bitter. Blaine tries to turn his life around, but get caught in a lie and fuck it up for himself due to his own insecurities and fear of rejection. it’s more tragic if he still tried to behave himself even after his lie was exposed, and it was the hit from Angus that dragged him back into his old life after he got his retribution. like he was all angry but also defeated when don e showed up and told him they were taking his clients. he was just resigned to his miserableness. he was that devastated over losing his new life, nothing mattered to him anymore. and yeah. the fact he was with Peyton while lying is no doubt problematic and i’m mad at them for getting me on board with that and then pulling the rug out from under me…

But in my mind, he was still going to try and start anew even if she chose Ravi. even after his lie was exposed, and he knew he wouldn’t change how they saw him…he knew he was capable of doing good, and would have kept doing it. imo. He stopped caring about the business when he was in his depressed funk. Candy had to get on him about the orders. He wouldn’t have stolen the cures, because in that state, he didn’t care. he was so apathetic about everything. it took nearly getting killed for him to have a sense of what to do with himself. and yeah, they showed him with the blue juice recipe. that’s what i mean by inconsistent. one episode he’s all “well at least i have this and i can be dastardly” and the next he’s drunkenly singing love songs and moping and neglecting the business. You’re telling me that Blaine stole the cures, went shopping for the blue juice ingredients, and then went to get drunk and sing his set? nah son.

Which goes into the whole “i think there was more to the Natalie situation than we got, but they changed it bc she left the show for a new one and they were reduced back to 13 eps.”

Not just the inconsistency of her having money, and of Oates not finding her like she said he would. esp. when she was amnesiac…but they had the bodyguard see Ravi’s ID, and note where he worked. There had to have been a reason for that.If she told him about the cure and used it to barter her freedom.If she sold the information to them or something…because if she said she got it from Major, and his friend Ravi, then they’d know to ransack the morgue. For that matter, when she escaped, you don’t think they’d go looking for her with the guys who tried to save her from them? but like. if Ravi hadn’t slept with Katty Kupps and if pavi had sailed in s3. Blaine would have kept working as a lounge singer while also doing shady plots stuff, and he would have been content.

Which goes to ways Blaine could have gotten out of his lie, that someone like Blaine would have thought about. Like.

Why not just get out of his lie with another lie? It would have been in character. Lie and say Ravi’s memory serum works. Major is injected with both at the same time, no one thinks anything of it when his memories come back. then do the same thing when a cure is able to be mass produced. Blaine gets to be happy and be with Peyton. Yes he loses the brain business, but I think he’d be willing to give that up for a fresh start and someone who loves him. Even if he gains it through bad and shifty/dishonest means.

Let’s not forget that was the episode where he had to sign the millions in inheritance back to Angus. if he that had not happened and he had all that money to fall back on? my trashy lil dude is set. so yeah. that was inconsistent and Lazy and this verse ignores that. open to all.

open to all.

verse. » the s4 was lackluster and i wanna ignore it au

S4 was all over the place and Not Good imo. idk if that is due to the episode count or if they changed things when they realized they had promoted a predator... but you have the Renegade stuff, the FG stuff, and the angus stuff.

Which wound up being all filler. like. why not tie it all together and have Angus as the ultimate big bad? not that i wanted fuckface to get more screentime. but like. how about Angus’ cult his plan to team up with FG from S3? if Blaine or don e tell them?

IT DOESN’T EVEN COME INTO PLAY AT ALL IN S4 WHEN FUCKFACE RETURNS. NO ONE CALLS HIM OUT ON HATING FILLMORE-GRAVES, REMINDING HIM OF HIS PLAN. HOW AWESOME WOULD IT HAVE BEEN IF THIS WAS EXPOSED TO HIS CHURCH AND THEY TORE HIM APART LIKE THE HYENAS DID SCAR IN THE LION KING?

And they never mention Blaine killing chase’s brother/Vivian’s husband Harrison. Now there are two tangents I could go into here. the first is how Blaine storyline in the back half of S3 may have suffered due to Andrea Savage leaving the show for her own series, I’m Sorry.

It’s possible we would have seen her and Blaine face off if she learned he presumably killed her husband Harrison. but like. they still could have done that with chase. chase is Harrison brother. he worked with Blaine. he is smart enough and would easily be able to figure out that Blaine was the OG brain supplier and would have been the one to kill his brother.

Once he no longer needed Blaine, i.e. was done with his blackmail? He would have but him in the guillotine. I expected this. I expected Blaine to pull the same card he pulled on Liv in S1. That without him, they have a zombie apocalypse on their hands. There was a brain shortage prior to the outbreak when Blaine approached him in the S3 finale. In S4 it’s even worse. There’s even a plot about Major tracking down watered down brain tube dealers.

Chase is a proud man, he wouldn’t have gone back to Blaine automatically… but after the US Government cuts off the brain supply in the finale, Major enlists Blaine to increase his operations.You don’t think that in the middle of the brain shortage crisis, Chase would have bitten the bullet and remembered Blaine’s proposal?

Ok, at this point, you’re probably asking yourself. “Mmhm, okay, so maybe that’s a better plot for Blaine… but then who did steal the cures?”

Again, see the last verse. Osborn Oates. Don’t remember him? Yeah, neither do any of the characters, apparently. He was the guy who was Natalie’s captor. Who apparently had the the influence to bribe Max Rager guards under Vaughn Du Clark’s nose. He was described by Ravi as being like a Bond villain. Natalie warns Major that wherever he goes, he’ll find her, but then… he doesn’t.

She travels the world. He doesn’t track her down. Even when she herself would have been vulnerable and amnesiac.

He doesn’t even try to track down Major and find out what he knows… if he was responsible for her escape. We know he is aware of Major. Major and Ravi followed he and his body guard.His body guard even checked Ravi’s morgue ID, and would have known where the cures were kept had he known about the cures.

Which… I think, Natalie might have told him about, in an effort to barter her freedom. Remember when we first met her? She said that since she was paid in brains by Blaine, who had become her pimp after turning her, that she ran through her savings and was broke. Yet… when she returns in S3, she tells Major that she traveled the world and had a place in Italy that she got thanks to her savings earned as sex worker.So… what is the truth?

I don’t want to speculate about a villainous Natalie. I actually liked her character, and she was certainly victimized and I don’t want to take away from that at all. Given her desperate situation though, might she have made some choices out of self preservation? Her own best interest?

I think there was more to the Natalie situation than we got. I think it suffered because they went from 19 episodes in season 2 back to a 13 episode order. I don’t know if her exit had more to do with propelling Major’s character’s decisions, or if because Natalie’s actress Brooke Lyons had gotten work as a series regular on the show Life Sentence. Maybe a bit of both? Maybe they did plan to kill her at the end of the arc, but the arc happened sooner than anticipated due to the shortened season? Knowing that they’d be losing her, they couldn’t carry that thread over to S4?

So instead they just dropped Osborn Oates, and over the summer Rob Thomas decided to change it to Blaine in S4 because no one would question it? Sorry Rob, I question it. You said in post S3 interviews that you planned to reveal who stole the cures in the finale, but there was no time so you’d get to it in S4.Really? That’s why? No time? If you had the time, how would it have come into play? The way it did come into play was Blaine seeking out Mama Leone, because Chase was blackmailing him. Are you telling me Chase would have done that in the S3 finale? That you would have seeded Renegade as a plotline even then?

I’m calling bullshit .I think it’s far more likely that plans fell through, and you needed the time to do a rewrite.

Even if Natalie had nothing to do with the cures being stolen, if it was planned to be Blaine all along…

You kill her off, and she doesn’t even get to confront Blaine? They never have a scene together? He’s responsible for her being a zombie, which led to her being kidnapped, and then held hostage.Yet he helped Major find her when he could have pleaded ignorance. He gave him Oates’ address and let him know when he was back in town. He didn’t have to do that. He could have said that it’s not the address on record, and Major wouldn’t have questioned him.

He could have elected not to tip Major off that he was back in town, and he wouldn’t have been able to find Natalie and give her the cure when he did.I’m not saying this excuses Blaine of what he did to her at all, or that the two would have been “even” or made peace. Not at all. There is no retribution for what he did to her.It does however, go back to my belief he was legit trying to change. open to those who are interested.

#i'll need to link to this at some point #in my nav

2 notes · View notes

ikesenlemonadestandstories · 7 years ago

Text

Un-Armed

Afternoon folks! Here is the next installment of the ‘Retrograde Spell’ series I’ve been working on. The other parts of this story appear under the tag ‘Retrograde Spell Series’ or can be found on my Master List.

Just as a heads up, as this series continues I find that there are a handful of things that may be triggers for readers. Please be advised of the following and read responsibly.

WARNING: Gore -Graphic Content in the form of Violence, Serious bodily harm, elements of horror included, vomit.

Technically speaking this chapter is more tame than the previous but I would like to ask that those who continue do so with their own mental health in mind :) I’m going to try my darnedest to put this thing under the cut but tumblr and I have never really seen eye to eye on what ‘under the cut’ actually means.

tagging per request @little-mini-me-world

The name is a terrible pun and I’m a terrible person for it...but either way! I hope you enjoy the next installment!

Always

Un-Armed - p8

[Mitsunari]

If I thought about it logically, she couldn’t be dead. Her barrier was still up, it may have been all I had to go on, but I was usually correct about these things. Kanna had calmed down and was hashing out a plan with Yuuto.

While we stood waiting for directions a young man with long black hair tied in a high ponytail approached our barrier, bowing deeply as Kanna stepped forward.

“Raise your head Ryuji, I’ll take the report. Start from the beginning please.”

“Of course. We were awoken to a surprise attack on the Citadel this morning at 0400 hours by the QA. At 1023 this morning a portal was opened from an unknown source. During the confusion, Yuuto was evacuated; however, general (YN) appeared against orders.”

“What? But we got a may-day call?”

“You received a call from a private line after Aoi-sama issued orders to stay put. Upon her arrival, Yui revealed herself and sent your father to his grave.”

I broke out into a cold sweat as I listened to the report the officer delivered. Watching the field as the others who had fallen through the portal made their way from where Yui laid into position sixteen of (YN)’s long list of tactical placements. My attention snapped back from planning our next movements to the young man in front of us when your name came back up.

“(YN) arrived at the battle with the first and second regiments and engaged with Yui and the QA after Aoi was wounded. They fought fiercely, but Yui prevailed. (YN) was struck in the left shoulder, Yui’s sword embedded there. In a matter of seconds, their arm was taken off, and they were on the ground. Mizuko gave the order to follow Yui. Only the third and fourth regiments made it through the portal.”

My mouth was dry. Did (YN) lose her arm? That is typically a fatal injury, the unease I had been feeling since he started talking settled into the crowd. I looked to Yuuto and Kanna for direction, trying to gauge their reactions. Maybe it was something more survivable in their time, I locked eyes with Kanna’s, and the fear on her face answered my question.

“Are you done talking? I was hoping to have a bit more fun with everyone, but it would appear the jig is up.” a voice boomed over the field. “Plan as much as you want. There’s nothing you can do now, and you can’t stay under that bubble forever. She’ll die of those wounds eventually.”

As if on cue, the barrier surrounding us shuddered. Flashing in and out of existence.

“No. Come on (YN) you can do it.” Yuuto whispered putting a hand on the wall surrounding us “Please.”

My thoughts mirrored his desperate plea to the universe as the sky above us opened and swirled a menacing gray and purple.

[YN]

You were tired, and all your senses were dull everything around you humming low. You were awake but unable to muster the strength to open your eyes. A conversation played out around you.

“The portal’s shot, what are we even supposed to do if she does wake up Mizuko.”

“I don’t know Yoshi, but that’s not a reason to give up now.”

“I didn’t say it was, but-but-”

“I know. We’ll get there when we get there. For now, we just have to focus on keeping her alive. We’ll figure everything else out later.”

They seemed to be arguing about something. You tried to listen longer, but oblivion crept in once again.

...

Pain, a very sharp pain settled deep into your abdomen. Your eyes flew open just in time for you to wretch. Coughing violently as the haze lifted around you.

“She’s awake!” a shrill voice rang out “Yoshiyuki she’s awake!” thunderous steps grew louder, and the door slid open hitting the end of the track with a hard thwack.

“Kanna would have your head if she knew you were flinging shogi like that.” You tried to smile as you looked at your two commanders now crowding around you.

Mizuko knelt down and brushed the bangs from your sweat covered forehead. A concerned look on her face as she moved a bucket closer to the bed you were laying on. Turning to Yoshi, she gave him a directive.

“Go tell everyone she’s awake. I’ll stay here until Ryoko gets back.”

“Mizuko,” your voice cracked, and you swallowed hard trying to ebb the scratchy feeling “What happened to everyone else. How many did we-”

“Just your father and Aoi-sama. Everyone else is fine.” she looked at me with kind eyes “well- mostly fine. The third and fourth regiments were sent after Yui, and we’ve lost contact with them, everyone got some type of injury but they’re all okay. You’re a little worse for wear though, speaking of, how are you feeling?”

“Well-” you paused taking stock of all the new aches you were experiencing “My eyebrows don’t hurt.”

...

Training was hard. Your entire body ached and burned at the slightest movement. Sweat was beading down your forehead as your skin glistening in the hot summer sun. You stood face to face with Yoshiyuki, both of you in defensive stances trying to catch your breath. Ryoko and Mari had outfitted you with a ‘state of the art’ prosthetic that was awesome and way stronger than it needed to be but you had insisted on training without it. You took a step forward and continued the sparring match. The wooden blades locked and you twisted your wrist dropping low into a squat as you changed your momentum. You had him unarmed in three seconds and on the ground in another two.

“I win.” you smiled down at him “Again, that’s a victory for an entire year straight!”

Deja-vu hit as he smiled up at you, you paused remembering uphill battle you had fought just to get back to this point.

...

“Come on (YN) you’ve gotta try harder to block those!” Yoshiyuki screamed as he towered over you, moments after sending you to the ground. “This isn’t a game if you don’t want to use that arm they gave you to fight you’ve got to be better.”

“I know” you whispered, eyes turning down to look at the ground.

“Do you?” he nudged you with his foot “I don’t think you do. At this rate, you’re going to get yourself killed!”

...

“Yoshi, you really should try harder to block those.” you grinned “At this rate you’re going to get yourself killed.”

not appreciating your taunting he tried to knock your legs out from under you, letting him you slammed your body down on top of his.

“That wasn’t very smart. You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Yoshiyuki pouted and pushed you off of him. “Don’t you have better things to do right now, ya know, like figuring out the portal?”

“Mh~ I was going to read once we finished up here.” you walked over putting the wooden sword back in the rack. “Any new books for me today?”

“Actually. I think I might have one.”

[Yukimura]

Kanna stood in front of the group. Listening intently to the intelligence being offered to her. Recognizing the positions everyone else on the field was taking I focused on the enemies surrounding us, steadily growing in number. Trying to keep my composure as Kanna clearly struggled through the bulk of the information. More details came to light, and both siblings seemed to have more confidence in (YN)’s condition. Apparently, this barrier was only as strong as its caster.

Their aunt screeched over Kanna’s vassal. Oh, how I want to end her prattling personally. The sky above opened again, lightning striking down in numerous locations in the surrounding area. More enemies fell from the sky; If there had been any chance of winning this before there wasn’t much of one now. I looked a Kanna one final time before the barrier around us dropped out of existence. Mournful silence surrounded us as Mitsunari whispered a soft “no” utterly inaudible under the cackle of Yui’s laugh.

Seeing we were vulnerable, they started to creep in our direction, we took a defensive position as Kanna shouted out orders to the remaining soldiers of the third and fourth regiment. Before making our advance the sky above us swirled a menacing black and orange, another portal threatening to open directly above us.

“Sh*t” I ran for Kanna drawing my spear “Where do you need me.”

“Right here.” she smiled before looking up. Walking to the blade embedded in the ground, Kanna reached out for it. Just as she was about to wrap her fingers around the hilt, another flash of lightning ripped through the sky, dropping down in the middle of our group. Not good. I made eye contact with Sasuke who pulled Kenshin and Shingen back, before I moved towards Kanna, using my body to try to block whatever was about to drop from the sky.

[YN]

You sat on the veranda overlooking the garden, reading a book on time travel. As fate would have it, it was written by Sasuke Sarutobi, so you knew there had to be a way to get that stupid portal working again. Even though the citadel’s construction had finished nearly two years ago, the same nightingale flooring had been installed, so it was always obvious someone was around the corner.

“Captain!” Yoshiyuki burst through the door “I think Mari found something. Come quick!” jumping to your feet you followed him out of your room.

In the absence of all your family members, save your mother, Mizuko and Yoshiyuki had become your most trusted advisers; Stepping in to train you and assist in the running of the citadel. In the five years since the attack, the three of you had significantly rebuilt your armies fire-power and had turned it into a lethal force again. Too bad you couldn’t figure out the portal to go save everyone, but you and Mari were working on that.

Ryoko, your brother’s head medic, had done a great job patching you up. The lacerations had healed well enough, and you had been outfitted for one of Mari’s hi-tech prosthetic limbs, engineered to look and function just like your arm had before the battle. You had woken up in the infirmary to quite the shock; apparently, medicine had advanced a bit more than you had anticipated.

Just because you had been re-equipped didn’t mean you used it to train. If you were going to fight you would do it while proudly wearing all of your battle scars, that included your lack of an arm. Besides if the technology failed, you still needed to be just as deadly without it. Yoshiyuki put your body through the ringer, the rehabilitation had been rough, but you never considered giving up, not once. Instead, you remastered your Uchigatana then switched weaponry; Moving to a double edge Katana for better control and the ability to strike a letal blow from any direction you chose to swing.

The two of you entered the command room together, never one for a quiet entrance Yoshiyuki bellowed a quick “pardon us” as he rushed in.

“So I’ve got an idea.” Mari turned around at her computer smiling brightly as you entered “but it involves a haircut, a bit of blood, and a blessing. Think we could go find your mom?”

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikésen #ikémen sengoku #cybird #retrograde spell #part 8 #ikesen mitsunari x reader #ikesen mitsunari #ikesen yukimura #ikesen self insert #my story #short story #to be continued #content warning #the title is a bad pun

16 notes · View notes

supergirlimaginesfic-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Dating Lena Luthor (a crush on you would include)

Request: Can you please do a lena luthor having a crush on you would include

a/n: I mean listen I’m fully aware having a crush on you implies not dating just yet, but I have a very inconsequential title system I feel compelled to stick with now sooo, just disregard that little oopsie LOL

these are always super fun to do!! tbh I’m in a little bit of a funk right now so these types of posts help me get my imagination going again. Thank you so much for reading y’all! And thanks for your patience if you’ve been waiting for a request to be filled... I am definitely a person who loses track of time lol. I’m so happy I have a hobby I can kinda speak for now though, and that’s all thanks to you folks! Have an awesome day everybody!! :D

- - - - -

much to your surprise (or perhaps not at all, if you were really to think about it properly), Lena is a very tenacious person and as such, there are some things that get her attention and she just has to chase it

you’ve come to realize that so it’s turned out, you are in fact one of those things that have piqued her attention, and you’ve been a happy mixture of flattered, confused, and bashful

Lena, in her not so subtle interest in you, still refuses to say anything specific regarding her feelings, and instead you find your answers in the things she does and in the roundabout way of sneaky compliments she gives you and her well-timed flirting

it didn’t take much for you to figure out she liked you, but it also took quite a lot to convince you that you weren’t just projecting your wishes into some unfounded fantasy - most of the Superfriends (even Winn, especially Winn) could see through both of your behaviours, and they’re all both parts exasperated and absolutely amused by your song and dance of total avoidance

but really, who could blame you that you didn’t quite believe your luck that Lena Luthor, the absolutely brilliant, wonderful, incredible woman you have the honour of knowing would possibly reciprocate your feelings? It was a marvel, indeed - you won’t question a miracle when you recognize one

Lena having a crush on you involves a lot of games, and the biggest one particularly is waiting to see which one of you breaks and admits your feelings first - it’s more fun than it is exhausting, and you suppose Lena thinks the same way, if the way she smiles at you meaningfully sometimes like she has a secret is any indication

there are a multitude of changes both major and trivial that you’ve started to take notice of the more time you spent around Lena. For one, you’ve become a more familiar face in the office and Jess, her secretary, smiles at you more often in your slightly embarrassing frequency of dropping by unannounced

you realize it’s just slightly unnerving that Jess is friendly enough to you that you now have a casual rapport with her enough to have playful small talk

you know that when you see Jess smirk whenever she hears the tell-tale opening of the elevator indicating your arrival that she’s in a particularly talkative mood, and you have to brace yourself for whatever trouble she’ll cause this time

“you know you don’t have to check in every single time you get here. Ms. Luthor’s given you total clearance, but I’m flattered you think to grace me with that remarkable face of yours” “well, it’d be a bit rude of me to just walk past wouldn’t it? Besides, who else is going to feed your caffeine addiction, neither of you know how to take care of yourselves” “look at you, charming and well-mannered - Ms. Luthor definitely knows how to pick them”

you know almost for a certain fact that you blush more whenever Jess makes remarks like that than when Lena outright flirts with you, but you suspect it must be because you’re just that transparent and you should probably really tone down your puppy-like eagerness when it comes to seeing Lena

you also have the ever increasing suspicion that Jess and Lena are on some mission to make you blush as much as possible - in all honesty, there is more proof of the affirmative than not and you’re positive they have schemed to embarrass you in good nature to some capacity

Lena’s become more comfortable with her terms of endearment, and you’ve nearly forgotten your own name and have begun to think your name is “darling”, or “sweetheart”, or some variation of it

you will never admit that you respond to it with unfailing attention

Alex nearly passed out from laughing so much when Kara and Maggie were discussing home remedies during one game night and you answered in distraction when one of them mentioned “honey”

you drowned yourself in whatever drink of choice was closest to you and Lena eyed you with that dangerous look of hers that was all parts mischief, teasing, and some deeply attractive want that you didn’t want to name just yet

you spend a good portion of your time dragging Lena out of her office and also bringing the food to her - you’ve been vocally adamant about not leaving her office until you watch her consume something, and Lena, you realize, has become more susceptible to taking her sweet time just for you to stick around longer... and you entertain that

for all of her talk about distractions and not being able to afford any missteps or mistakes, the soft smile she gives you whenever she sees you, outside of work or not, is more than enough to make your heart flutter with happiness

hanging out with Lena, surprisingly, is a lot of spontaneous, unplanned excursions that you both are more than happy to indulge

you’re pleased that you both share an equal appreciation of the godly gift that is coffee, and as such, you often find yourselves in some hole-in-the-wall cafe and bookshop, sitting side by side pressed against each other on the floor of the astronomy section or in the humour section

a lot of your time together consists of stupid jokes and also riveting discussions of the human condition and of life

you have far too much fun exasperating Lena, but you know secretly it’s because of the fond smile she gives you despite rolling her eyes and groaning at your lame jokes

“hey Lena, where do dogs go when their tails fall off?” “I don’t know, (Y/N), where do they go?” “the retail store”

“Lena, how is imitation very much like a plateau?” “I’ve no clue, but I suppose you’re going to tell me aren’t you-” “they’re both the highest form of flattery”

Lena Luthor inspires a childlike wonder in you, something you’d thought you lost as you got older - you spend a lot of time convincing her to do vaguely reckless things like climbing fire escapes or sneaking onto roofs

somehow, you’ve managed to get her to spontaneously break out into song and dance with you in public, and you wonder just how it is you’ve coerced Lena into making a total fool of herself with you

she entertains your inclinations; perhaps it’s because you’re an enabler, perhaps it’s because she enjoys it, perhaps it’s because you let her do things she’s mostly tentative to do, or maybe it’s in solidarity and to not abandon you in your silliness - regardless of what it is, Lena always joins you in your antics

you don’t say it, neither of you have, but there’s a mutual understanding of comfort and vulnerability you know is shared and you know you can be safe in

Lena is playful with you, often stealing your hats when you’re out and she puts them on herself, or taking your sweaters when you’re just at home and she wants something comfy to wear - you never deny her the little things... she looks much better in your clothes anyway

as good as she looks in your band shirts and oversized hoodies, she looks just as magnificent in her dresses and gowns that she wears whenever she takes you to one of her events

quite long ago, you’ve stopped calling it dragging you to these galas and instead just took it for what it was: more time to be around Lena

for as much as you think she looks great in literally anything and for how irresistible she finds you and has explicitly mentioned of your usual, casual street look, she is adorably speechless whenever you show up to accompany her in your formal attire - you’re as equally blown away every time you see her, and you think she looks like magic

at some point you’ve stopped wondering about the platonic-or-not nature of her holding onto your arm and introducing you to everyone she encounters at these events, and instead have opted to consider how natural it feels when she’s pressed up against you like this

most of these nights involve a lot of socialization and champagne, and you know that Lena is never intoxicated to the point of forgetfulness at these events, but still, when the evening is done and you spend the night at either of your places, there’s always a softer vulnerability and a palpable disregard of inhibition that neither of you call out but know very well is a tension that pulls you together

you’ve lost track of specifically when, but you find yourself entangled in her when you fall asleep, sometimes on her couch, sometimes in her bed and you wake up and try to respect boundaries, but she just brings you closer anyway whenever you try and who are you to deny her sleepy, mumbling wishes?

for your own sake, you try to ignore the happy sigh she makes whenever she rouses from sleep and nuzzles closer to you, but it’s more effort to deny the inevitably of falling for her when she just makes it so easy to feel relaxed and unreserved

you’ve always figured that Lena Luthor was trouble, and you never realized the extent of that truth until you started writing again and she made a damn poet out of you

the woman makes you soft; she always has, and you’ve stopped fighting that reality and instead opted to perpetuate it

she half-heartedly chastises you whenever you sneak a picture of her on your phone or on one of your cameras, but she always smiles bashfully whenever you show her and you can both see, clear as day, the evidence definitive and candid, how happy she is

there’s far too many close-calls in the form of emotional freefall - that is, if you’d kept a tally of who was close to kissing the other first, you’d be at a loss of knowing who was more culpable (you’re becoming impatient, and this once, you think to concede this particular battle)

it’s a fair fight; Lena’s had to catch herself more than once whenever you leave her office and she, distractedly, almost kisses you. You almost kiss her one night in the middle of your dancing in the kitchen foolishness and you forget for a moment she’s not actually yours to kiss - you think you saw in her eyes something that wordlessly said the contrary, and you almost believe it was worth finally crossing the line for

your friends are tired of your shit, frankly, and they’ve convinced you perhaps that Lena is too. Alex never fails to lament that it’s absolutely rich if you don’t think you’re already dating, to which Lucy also helpfully supplies, don’t make any moves just yet I’ve got stakes in a bet that says Lena will make the first move, and even Kara’s got a piece to say, which is of course worlds more comforting than Alex, Lucy, and Maggie’s bickering when she tells you that Lena is happier with you, and I think she’s more than fine with whatever pace you’re willing to take

you are never one to keep a woman waiting, however, and you think it’s time to steel up and get your shit together

you’ve planned an exceedingly romantic evening, the works for someone who deserves that and so much more - dinner in a quiet restaurant, candlelight and flowers, all thanks to some connections your friends have pulled together

Lena shows up then and you’re floored by how radiant she looks always. She’s become the person in your life who has to remind you to breathe, and simultaneously gives you reason to live and to experience, and you’re finally set in your belief that she deserves to hear your truth

you finally admit to her and say out loud everything you’ve kept quiet and hidden all this time, and though you’re relieved, you’re also wide-eyed and admittedly petrified when Lena says nothing and is equally as wide-eyed as you are

“please don’t get me wrong when I say I’m shocked, this is just a little bit of a turn for me and I’m frankly a bit embarrassed-” “no, Lena, don’t apologize- I don’t ever want to pressure you into something you’re not willing to partake in and I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable-” “(Y/N), it’s not that... not at all. It’s just- I’d kind of already presumed we were dating...” “what? But- how long? Really?” “I suppose I’m partially to blame for not explicitly addressing our circumstance either-” “are you saying I could have kissed you all this time?” “well, I am most certainly not opposed to the suggestion, I merely thought you just weren’t ready-”

if you were asked to retell the story, you wouldn’t mention how close you were to knocking into the table in your haste to finally kiss Lena, and frankly though you feel a little bit robbed by your own hesitations, you finally feel a long-desired sensation of profound relief, a weight of uncertainty lifted from your chest

even still, it hadn’t felt official - at least, not until you and Lena walked into L-Corp one morning holding hands and Jess, hardly looking away from her computer screen, merely muttered something that sounded suspiciously like oh my god, finally, and you nearly tripped on your own foot at her off-handed observation

#lena luthor x reader #lena luthor #lena luthor imagine #lena luthor fic #katie mcgrath #katie mcgrath fic #lena luthor fanfic #dating lena luthor #supercorp #supergirl imagines #supergirl fanfic #lena luthor x you

333 notes · View notes