#just gonna force myself to leave my dorm everyday so i am moving and not mentally unwell in my dorm lmfao

[mueritos]

officially moved in to my dorm at boston ^-^ cannot lie, last night was rough with dealing with homesickness and being so alone rn, but im taking it a day at a time and allowing myself to explore the city.

do i have any cool fellas in boston? any can recc places to go for queer/trans folks to find others? any community events/orgs to seek out? pls lmk!! im looking to find places to be outside of grad school :)

[berrynarrybanana]

Me and You Together

A/N: Hello! I would like to say first of all that ^ is not my gif. I had it saved on my computer from somewhere and it just felt perfect for this. I do love my little sweet pea and frat boy Harry, but I also feel like I’ve done them dirty in this fic. I wanted to add more angst, but we all know I’m shit at that kind of stuff bc I’m soft at heart. Anywho, I really hope that you enjoy this and I just want to thank the lovely @stellarboystyles​ for putting together this little fic challenge. Congrats on 3 years babe! I hope that you like this story and that I have done this celebratory moment justice! 

Word Count: 11.9 k 

Warnings: Alcohol, smut, pining, Louis being a dickhead, a mean roommate

Trope: Best Friends to Lovers with Frat Boy Harry 

Prompt: “Just sit on my fingers. Yeah, just like that.” (this is all the way at the end tbh, just a heads up lol) 

P.s I know nothing about frat’s honestly and I just tried to avoid that the best that I could but fratboy!h lives in my mind rent free and I wanted to write it so....yeah.

September

Piper’s POV 

I rolled my head back on my neck, looking up at the ceiling as my roommate sighed. 

“Has anyone told you that you’re a selfish bitch?” Carli asked, her perfectly manicured nail resting on the cheap, wooden door of our dorm room. “I’m trying to unwind and relax after an extremely hard week and you’re ruining it for me.” 

“I live here too!” I felt my brows pull together in frustration as I adjusted my bag on my sore shoulders, shifting from foot to foot. “The least you can let me do is come in and change before you start fucking.”

“You’re killing my mood!” She groaned, holding her hand out. “Give me your fucking bag and tell me what you need.” 

“Carli-”

“Tell me what you need or I’m shutting this door in your face, I swear to god.” She snapped, her brows arching up as she wiggled her fingers at me. “You have five seconds.” 

“Fine!” I said, shrugging my bag off my tired shoulders. “I need my purse, a black t-shirt, and a jacket.” 

“Great.” 

She slammed the door in my face, flicking the lock as I brushed my hands over my face angrily. 

College was not supposed to be like this. 

The next four years of my life were meant to be spent making new friends and partaking in fun activities on campus. So far, the only person I knew was Carli and she most definitely hated my guts with a burning passion. I wasn’t sure why she hated me so much when I mainly kept to myself, hunched over my desk with headphones on for most of the night when I studied. I hardly ever talked to Carli besides the odd argument about my typing being too loud and my presence being too...obvious. I hated every second of college so far and this wasn’t helping me at all. 

I was moments away from having a breakdown, the build up creeping up my throat as I stood there in the hall, waiting for Carli as everyone else stared at my back. I tried not to let their prying eyes bother me, but I could feel the hairs standing up on the back of my neck as I crossed my arms over my chest. I tried to distract my mind, thinking about where I was going to go while Carli got her rocks off in our shared room. Maybe the library? Maybe a cafe?

Just as I started listing off cafes in my head, the door opened just a crack. 

“Here’s your stuff, don’t come home before midnight.” She stuck a hand out, her voice muffled by the door. I rolled my eyes, grabbing my things from her hands. “Bye, Pippi!”

“It’s Piper, you unbearable asshole.” I sighed, holding my stuff close to my chest as frustrated tears started to accumulate behind my eyes. “I hope you don’t have an orgasm.” 

I turned on my heels, ready to storm towards the communal bathroom so I could change and collect myself before leaving. I only made it halfway down the hall when I heard someone shouting behind me. I wasn’t sure they were actually calling out for me until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I stopped in my tracks, sniffling as I reached up to wipe at my cheeks. 

“Piper, hold on.” The girl who was calling my name stepped in front of me, letting out a shuddery breath. She only had eyeshadow on one of her perfectly shaped eyes and a makeup brush in her hand as she stopped. “I just wanted to say that I am so sorry your roommate just did that to you. You can use my room to change if you’d like? I know the communal bathroom doesn’t always offer the most privacy and my roommate is never home. I’ll stand outside and everything!” 

“You don’t have to do that.” I sniffled before offering her a forced smile. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with teasing right now. “But thank you.” 

“I insist.” Her brown eyes looked softer as she spoke, her hand falling to her side. “My name is Eleanor. I think we have Modern English together.” 

“Piper.” I said. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?” 

“Yeah.” She nodded. “I don’t mind it at all, babes.” 

Eleanor left me in her room to get dressed, politely standing outside as I collected myself. 

I took a few deep breaths, trying to compose myself as I stripped out of the blouse I had been wearing all day. I pulled my black t-shirt on, huffing when I realized that this wasn’t the one I actually needed. This one was meant for darker jeans and a pair of heeled boots. This top was meant for parties and bars, not a cafe. The criss crossed pattern was far too fancy for a late night cup of coffee and a lonely piece of cheesecake. 

When I opened the door, my old shirt bundled up in my hand, I smiled at Eleanor. 

She looked over my outfit, her eyes growing wide. 

“You look great!” She said. “Do you have plans tonight?” 

“I was just gonna go to Fitz and Co for coffee and dessert.” I gave her a nervous chuckle, clutching my old shirt in my hands. “Probably going to wander around campus after to kill time.” 

“Don’t take offense,” She gave me a sweet smile, her accent growing thicker with each word she spoke. I hadn’t noticed it all that much before when my emotions were on overdrive and my mind was swirling with anger. “But that sounds absolutely dreadful and you deserve to have a little bit of fun. It’s Friday night for fuck’s sake and we’re in Uni!”

“I don’t really know anyone on campus.” I shrugged. “I’ve not made a ton of friends yet, you know?” 

“I do, actually.” She nodded. “If I had to say, you’re the first person I’ve tried to make conversation with since I’ve been here. I’m going to a party tonight because my boyfriend’s frat is hosting it, and he’ll just text me all night if I don’t go.”

“That sounds like fun.” I said. “Thank you for helping me out and offering me your room. I really hope you have fun tonight."

“Why don’t you come with me?” She asked. “I know frat parties sound horrible after all the stuff you see in films, and a lot of them are pretty shit, but I would love to have a drinking buddy.” 

“I don’t want to impose.” I said. “I’m sure you want to spend time with your boyfriend.”

“Nonsense, he sees me everyday.” She shook her head. “I would love to have someone to chat with that isn’t one of his football friends from back home.” 

“Um, okay.’” I shrugged. “I guess that’s not too horrible and I kind of owe you one.”

“You won’t regret it.” 

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“So the house shouldn’t be too crowded.” Eleanor pulled her flannel tighter around her body, hunching over as the wind whipped around us. “A few of the guys are still out getting alcohol and people aren’t supposed to start showing up for another hour at least.”

“That’s good.” I nodded. “So why did you decide to come to school here?”

“Louis.” She said. “I couldn’t stomach the idea of being away from Lou and there are so many opportunities in America for both of us. He’s here on a footie scholarship and I’m here on a performing arts scholarship.”

“That’s really cool!” I exclaimed, my eyebrows raising up. “I didn’t peg you for a theatre nerd.”

“Just a tiny one.” She chuckled. “I’m more into the costumes than anything. Fashion has always owned my heart and my Mum took me to so many musicals as a girl. I figured I would combine my love for both and make it my career.”

“I admire that.” I said softly, glancing down at the sidewalk as we turned a corner. “So how long have you and Louis been together?”

“Four years.” She smiled. “We met on a holiday to London one summer and we’ve never let go of each other. Last year we went to the same University for our first year before deciding to come abroad and it was….magical.”

“He sounds lovely.” I said. “He makes you happy?” 

“He does.” She nodded, her lips pursing slightly as she tried to hide her smile. “He’s a proper gentleman, even when he’s being a bit too laddie.”

“I don’t even know what that means.” I chuckled and Eleanor joined in. “What is a laddie? Is that like Lassie, the dog?”

“Not like that dog.” She scrunched up her nose. “I think you call them ‘Bro’s’ over here.” 

“Ah, I do understand then.” 

Eleanor and I continued chatting as we walked down Frat Row. 

The houses were large, but they looked a little plain and rundown. I imagine having a group of rowdy, drunk boys living in a house without supervision didn’t do well for wear and tear on a house. Eleanor told me that the last house on frat row in the cul-de-sac belonged to pretty much the entire footy team with a few odd guys sprinkled in. 

When we arrived, my jaw nearly dropped to the ground. 

I was living in a tiny dorm room and these men were living like kings and a gigantic and modern house that looked brand new. Eleanor laughed as I took in the dark, blue-grey exterior. The shutters and the porch were both painted a dark, charcoal grey. We walked up the stairs and I continued to look around like a kid lost in a candy store. 

Maybe joining a sorority wasn’t a bad move?

“So, that is the living room and just down that first hall is the bathroom. I recommend going upstairs to Louis’ room if you want to use a clean and unoccupied bathroom.” She chuckled. “I’ll show you around upstairs later if you’d like.”

“This is the cleanest Frat house I’ve ever seen in my life.” I said slowly, looking around. “How is it so pristine?”

“A few of the guys are really obsessed with cleanliness and organization.” She chuckled. “Also I spend a lot of time over here, so I do what I can.”

“I would spend all of my time here, too.” I said. “Why are you even in a dorm if you could be here?”

“Rules.” She rolled her eyes. “Technically women aren’t allowed to be housed in a frat, which blows, but I understand it.”

“Well, I’ll pretend to be you and stay in your dorm if you want to fly under the radar and move here.” I teased, patting her shoulder. “It’s a win win for both of us.”

“I might take you up on that.” She giggled, guiding me through an open archway. “This here is the kitchen-”

“Ellie, s’that you!” 

Eleanor flinched at the booming voice from upstairs, her eyes casting up to the ceiling as she grumbled. 

“Bloody hell, these men,” She shot me a sympathetic look and I tried my best not to laugh softly at her annoyance. “Yes, Niall?”

“I need help.” This accent was slightly different than Eleanor’s and it almost reminded me of the guy on the lucky charms commercial. “I don’t know what trousers to wear, should I do these dark jeans or these plaid one’s.”

The voice was closer and closer with each word and suddenly, a half naked man appeared in the doorway, holding two pairs of pants as he looked down at them. He was wearing white boxer briefs and white socks, the rest of his pale and freckled skin on display. I had to admit that he was extremely attractive, chestnut colored hair on top of his head and a soft stomach rounded out with a matching chestnut happy trail dusting under his belly button. 

“Oh, hello.” He looked up, smiling at me with piercing blue eyes and extremely handsome features. I tried not to blush, my eyes glued to his. “Which one’s do ya think I should wear, love? Good to have an outsider’s perspective sometimes.” 

The sound of a door shutting behind us caused my head to snap around. 

This was more of a man standing at the opposite end of the kitchen, his chocolate colored curls framing his face and resting on his broad shoulders as he looked up at me. His face was perfect, adonis like features catching my attention and his bright green eyes causing my breath to catch in my throat. He offered me a small smile, his features soft as he cleared his throat. 

“Hello.” He said softly to me before his eyes darted up, looking behind me. “For fuck’s sake, Niall. Why are you nearly naked!” 

“I needed help!” I turned my head back towards Niall as his brows pulled together, his lips turning to a scowl. “I can’t decide what trousers to wear and Liam is no help!” 

“We have a guest.” The green eyed god spoke from behind me, but I didn’t dare turn my head. I was afraid that if I did, I would be stuck staring at him for the rest of the night. “Don’t be rude.”

I glanced over at Eleanor who lifted her hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. 

I tried, again, not to laugh at her misery. 

“I swear to god, Niall,” She sighed heavily. “The least you could do is introduce yourself to the poor girl before you flash her.”

“M’Niall,” He rolled his eyes, looking over at me. “What’s your name, love?” 

Harry’s POV

“My name is Piper.” 

I stared at the back of her head, trying my best not to think about running my fingers through her soft curls that nearly matched the shade of my own. I inhaled sharply as I pressed my fingertips into the marble countertop below me. I had seen this girl, Piper, around campus before. I saw her flitting from building to building with her head tilted down and her headphones tucked in her cute little ears. I had a huge crush on this girl and now she was standing in my kitchen with my half-naked roommate and my best friend’s girl. 

This wasn’t a good thing at all.

“S’nice to meet you, Piper.” Niall winked at her and I rolled my eyes, shooting him a glare over the girls head. 

His brows furrowed and I gave him a pointed look before mouthing, ‘That’s the girl’.

Niall’s brows lifted up and he shot me a cheeky grin. 

He was the only one I confided in about my girl troubles. 

He knew all about the mystery girl that I passed by every day on my way to physics class and he had suggested to me several times that bumping into her was the best way to catch her attention. I declined, rolling my eyes at his childish suggestion. I had to admit though, if she had been in my class, I would have tossed paper at the back of her head to get her attention. 

It was a trick that never failed. 

“Well, I’m gonna go get dressed then.” He cleared his throat, glancing over at Eleanor. “Lou is stuck on the phone with his Mum, babe. I think he might need some rescuing if he’s going to join the party at all tonight.”

“Oh,” Eleanor stood straighter, glancing over at Piper. “I don’t want to leave Piper-”

“I can stay with her.” I cleared my throat, reaching up to fiddle with my hair as both girls turned to look at me. “I’ve finished my part of party prep, so I don’t mind.”

“Harry, I don’t know.” Eleanor said. “I’m already afraid Niall’s neon white body is going to scare her off. I don’t need you turning on your Cheshire Charm.”

“Oi, I resent that.” I narrowed my eyes at her playfully, trying to fight off my smile as she chuckled. “I won’t be turning on any charm tonight, love. I’ve got a big match to play tomorrow, remember? Gotta save my strength and energy if I wanna do well.”

“Alright, fine.” Eleanor sighed, turning back to Piper. “Are you okay if I disappear for a few minutes? I promise I’ll be right back.” 

“It’s fine.” Piper smiled at Eleanor, gently nodding her head. “Please, go ahead. I don’t mind waiting down here.”

“You’re sure?” Eleanor asked, her face laced with concern. 

“Positive.” Piper glanced over at me. “I think I’m in good hands with ol’ Cheshire Charm back there.” 

My smile was so wide that it hurt my cheeks. 

She was funny and gorgeous.

Eleanor glanced between the two of us before saying a quick ‘be right back’.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Piper turned around, her hands pressing against the countertop as Niall wiggled his brows behind us. He disappeared behind Eleanor moments later, leaving Piper and I alone in the kitchen. “Would you like a Whiteclaw?”

“Oh, sure.” She nodded, her eyes dropping down to her hands. “I would love one.”

“You seem a bit nervous.” I said, walking towards the fridge. “Do you have a flavor preference?”

“No.” She said softly. “And yeah, I guess I am a bit nervous. I’ve had a pretty tough day and I wasn’t exactly prepared to come to a frat party.”

“Why are you here then?” I asked, my eyes scanning the shelves until I landed on the one filled with canned drinks. I reached for two lime flavored cocktails, pulling them out before I shut the door with my hip. “If you don’t mind me asking, that is.” 

“Um, Eleanor extended the invitation and I kind of owed her one.” Piper smiled, taking the drink with a soft ‘thank you’. “My roommate is a bit of a dickhead and she kicked me out so she could get laid. Eleanor saw me in the hallway on the verge of a mental breakdown and we just...hit it off, I guess.”

“Sorry your roommate was a dickhead.” I smiled, letting my eyes roam over the soft features of her face. “I’m glad you and El hit it off though. It’s nice to have a new face around here.”

I let my eyes trail over the features of her face now that she was up close and personal. 

Her eyes were hazel, a soft golden hue to her irises. Her brows were thick and wild, but perfectly shaped. There were soft freckles peeking out from under her foundation and her cheeks were a soft shade of red. Her nose was soft and rounded at the end and I couldn’t help but think of hovering over her, brushing my own nose against hers as I thrust into her. 

I hated being a man sometimes. 

She was a beautiful girl and even in my head she deserved better than to be thought of that way. She was more than just a sexual object and she didn’t need some creepy frat guy thinking dirty thoughts about her only moments after meeting her. I cleared my throat, reaching for my drink. I took a long sip as she raised her brows, offering me a sly smirk as she sipped at her own drink. 

“Eleanor is a really sweet girl.” I rested my can on the marble countertop. “She’s been having trouble making friends over here, so it’s nice that she’s found someone to hang out with besides us.” 

“I really like her.” Piper said softly. “I’ve been having trouble making friends, too. I’m not really the best at putting myself out there, you know?”

“I think you’re doing just fine.” I flashed her a reassuring smile, noticing how her cheeks turned a shade darker. “I don’t think I’ve fully introduced myself, love. I’m Harry.”

“I’m Piper.” She held her hand out and I took it, giving it a soft shake. “It’s nice to meet you, Harry.” 

Her skin was so bloody soft, her hands a little cold and damp from the can she was holding. 

“You too.” I said. “If you need anything tonight, please don’t hesitate to find me. I know how overwhelming these parties can be and I’ll be happy to keep you company or walk you out for some fresh air if you need it.” 

“Thank you.” She said softly. “The same goes for you. If you need any company tonight, I’m your girl.” 

Just like that, my mind was back in the gutter. 

All I could hear in my head was the echoes of her sweet moans, her voice chanting over and over again ‘M’your girl, Harry. Yours’. I cleared my throat, giving her a tight smile as I tried to avoid thinking about her tucked in my sheets, writhing and gasping as I licked into her. 

I was so totally fucked.

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“Piper, babe,” I laughed, holding her hips tightly as she swayed. “I think we should sit you down for a minute, yeah?”

“If I sit, I’ll sleep.” She whined, looking up at me with her sweet puppy dog eyes. “Where did Eleanor go?” 

“Eleanor is going upstairs with Louis.” I said softly, digging my fingers into the fleshy skin above the waistband of her jeans. “Do you want me to take you home?”

She pursed her lips, shaking her head as she pressed her hands into my shoulders. 

I knew exactly how we’d gotten here. 

The party was still going strong around us, people dancing and shouting as Piper swayed in front of me. I wanted so badly to brush her hair from her face and stroke the soft skin of her cheek, but I would never do something like that when she was this off her face. Holding onto her hips was already too intimate for my liking, but I was afraid she would topple over without some form of support. She swayed forward, her eyes face pinching up ever so slightly before she pressed one hand to her forehead. I frowned, pulling her closer as a group of guys rushed by.

If Niall hadn’t suggested we play four drinking games in a row, Piper and Eleanor might not have been off their faces within the first two hours of the party. I had to admit that I didn’t exactly mind taking care of Piper. She was a funny drunk, silly puns and snide comments slipping from her lips carelessly as she leaned against me. It was when her eyes started to drift shut and her body started to sway, that I started to worry about her. I pulled her into the kitchen alongside a giggly Eleanor, handing them both bottles of water while I quickly cooked up some pizza rolls that Niall had hidden in the freezer. Both girls ate between loud laughs, knocking into each other as I watched them with a small smile on my face.

 Seeing Eleanor happy made me happy, but seeing her happy with the girl of my dreams made me feel like I was on cloud nine. 

“Mate,” Louis’ hand clapped down on my shoulder and I turned my head as Piper’s body fell into mine. “I can take her off your hands. El told me they live in the same halls-”

“She can barely stand on her own, Lou.” I shook my head, glancing down as she rested her head on my shoulder. “Gonna go put her to bed in my room. I’ll sleep on the couch after everyone is gone.”

“Lock the door if you leave her up there.” Louis said. “I’m going back up to El in a minute, but I figured I should get some painkillers and water for the morning.”

“Bring some up for Piper?” I asked him. “I probably won’t leave her alone in there, knowing all of these jackasses are around.”

“Tell me about it.” Louis snorted out a laugh, shaking his head. “I’ll be up in five.”

I nodded, watching him disappear through the crowd of people in our living room. 

“Hey, love,” I said softly. “Gonna take you upstairs and tuck you in, okay?”

“Kay.” She mumbled, turning her head until her nose brushed against the column of my neck. 

I made a mental note to have a talk with her tomorrow about going places with strangers when she was drunk. I knew that I meant no harm, but we were still getting to know each other. It set off a level of worry that I only ever felt when it came to my Mum or Sister. It was almost a primal need to protect, my arms winding tightly around her as I guided her to the stairs. 

It was no easy feat to get her up the staircase, but when we finally made it to my room, she snapped into a more alert mode. She looked up, her tired eyes growing as wide as they could before she brushed some of her hair out of her face. She looked up at me, her eyes searching my face as I pressed my hand lightly to her lower back. 

“Thank you for taking care of me, Harry.” She said softly. “I’m really sorry I’m ruining your fun.” 

“Nonsense, love.” I shook my head. “S’just another party, there will be plenty more.” 

“Still.” She mumbled. “I don’t want to take your bed. Sleeping on the couch is bad for your back and I overheard that you have a match tomorrow.”

“S’alright.” I said. “I’ve slept on a floor before a match and still kicked ass, Piper. I don’t mind giving my bed up for a good cause.”

She let out an aggravated sigh, rolling her eyes at me. 

I tried not to smile as she grumbled under her breath, reaching for the doorknob to my bedroom door. I followed in behind her, flicking the light switch on before I shut the door behind me. Piper staggered a little and I hovered, my hands waiting to catch her should she fall. Instead, she stumbled over to my bed on bambi like legs, collapsing on the foot with a soft groan. 

“You need some help?” I asked her as she lifted her leg, struggling with her shoe. She merely waved her hand at me, shaking her head. “You want something comfy to change into? I’ve got sweats, shorts-”

“Sweats sound lovely.” She mumbled, a soft ‘aha’ falling from her lips as she finally tugged the shoelace of her boot out of a knot. “You’re a true gentleman, has anyone ever told you that?” 

“My Mum.” I chuckled, walking over to my dresser in search of comfy clothes. 

“S’good,” Piper sighed out as her boot hit the floor. “Hard to find a proper gentleman these days, Harry. I think Jude Law was the last of them.”

“I won’t argue with you there.” I shook my head, trying to contain my laughter as I sifted through my sweatpants. I settled on my favorite pair, the light grey fabric soft and worn. “Do you want a t-shirt to sleep in or a long sleeve shirt?”

“Um, t-shirt.” She mumbled. “Your room is lovely. Did you do all of the decorating yourself?”

“I did, yeah.” I nodded. “Brought a few key things from home, but I spent most of my money in Target when I got here.” 

“Amen to that.” She hiccuped softly. “I like your record player. I’ve always wanted one of those.”

“One day you’ll have to come up and listen to some records with me.” I glanced at her over my shoulder, noting how the corners of her lips ticked up into a girlish grin. “What kind of music do you like?”

“All of it.” She said simply, her voice trailing off. “I’ve always been a fan of classical music for studying. My mom calls me a psychopath.”

“They are known for indulging in the genre.” I snorted, pulling out a white t-shirt before I turned around. “I think that’s lovely, though. I’ve heard some good stuff from Bach in my music theory class and I have to say, it makes for good studying music.”

“That’s what I’m saying.” She said. “I love me some cello, mate.”

“Look at that.” I hummed out, holding the clothes out to her. “Got you talking like a proper brit now, don’t we. Didn’t even know what footy was at the start of the night.” 

“Piss off.” She grumbled, trying to hide her amusement as she mocked my accent. 

“I’m gonna run to Louis' room while you get dressed, okay?” I said. “Gonna steal you some makeup wipes from El’s overnight bag so we can take your makeup off. I want you to lock the door and don’t open it for anyone besides me. I don’t care if it’s Niall or god himself, alright?”

“Alright.” She whispered softly. “You’re really fucking nice, Harry.”

I tried to resist the urge to brush my knuckles over the soft skin of her cheek, but I couldn’t. 

I inhaled sharply as she closed her eyes, leaning into my touch with a soft hum. 

“I’ll be right back.” I said softly. “Lock the door.”

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Piper’s POV 

Falling in love with Harry took me all of five minutes. 

I decided that it was physically impossible not to love someone so perfect. He was a real gentleman, keeping his hands in respectful spots even when I was falling all over him, drunk off my ass. I felt a little guilty about being so touchy-feely with someone I hardly knew, but I was comfortable around him from the start. He stood by my side for most of the night, talking with Eleanor and I as we tossed shots back like water. 

I stood up from the foot of his bed, fiddling with the button on my pants. My vision was most definitely blurry and my fingers were shaking as I swayed on my feet, but I managed to pull the button from the loop before I shoved my pants down my legs. It took a bit of wiggling to get my ass settled into Harry’s sweats, an article of clothing clearly meant for a man with no….assets. 

With a soft hiccup, I worked on my shirt, tossing it to the ground before I reached behind me to take off my bra. My drunk brain didn’t care about etiquette or embarrassment anymore. That all flew out the window with my third shot of tequila that Niall handed over. When I settled the fabric of Harry’s shirt over my tired limbs, I heard a soft knock at the door. 

I stumbled over, pressing my ear against the wood to hear who was there. I was plastered, yeah, but I remembered Harry’s speech about not opening the door for anyone. 

“Who is it?” I called out, my voice breaking just a little. 

“S’me.” I heard Harry’s gruff voice. “S’Harry.” 

I flicked the lock on the door, opening it up with a soft smile. 

Harry held up some makeup wipes and a bottle of water, flashing me a cheesy grin. I laughed, shutting the door and flicking the lock behind him again as he walked into his room. When I turned around, my arms crossed over my chest, he was looking at my body with soft eyes. 

“Everything feel comfy enough to sleep in?” He asked. 

“Yeah, thanks.” I nodded. 

“Alright.” He nodded, looking up at me with glassy jade eyes. “Let’s get you tucked in, shall we?”

I smiled, walking over to his bed. 

I picked the side farthest from the door and closest to the window. 

Harry pulled back the covers, waiting for me to climb in before he rested them over my legs. He set the bottle of water on the bedside table, two painkillers falling to the wood next to the plastic bottle. He sat down next to my legs, ripping into the makeup wipes with ease. I watched him pluck a sheet out before closing the pack back up, tossing it to the nightstand with the other items. I rolled my lips in as he turned towards me, holding the cloth out. 

“Do you want me to do it?” He asked. “Just so you know it’s all gone?” 

“Yes, please.” I nodded. 

I could take my makeup off in my sleep. 

I’d done it before, actually. 

But there was something about being doted on by Harry that I wasn’t ready to give up just yet. 

I preened as he wiped the cloth over my skin with gentle strokes, swiping away concealer and highlighter with ease. I let my eyes slip shut when he asked, his index finger gently brushing at the small bit of liquid liner and shimmery shadow on my lids. When it got to my lips, he did a few quick dabs before his touch was gone from my face all together. 

“All clean.” He smiled, tossing the wipe towards the bin in the corner of the room. “Alright, I’m going to tuck you in and turn on a movie. I’ll just be on the floor next to you if you need anything at all. Bathroom is through that door right there.”

“Don’t sleep on the floor.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m okay with sharing a bed with you, Harry. Friends do that all the time, don’t they?”

“But you’re drunk.” He said softly. “And I don’t want you to feel pressured or uncomfortable-” 

“I don’t.” I said. “From the moment we met, you’ve made me feel very welcomed and comfortable. I promise that I don’t feel unsafe or pressured in any way, Harry. If you feel more comfortable sleeping on the floor, then I understand, but I’m okay with you sleeping next to me.”

Harry reached up to rustle his long strands of hair, his curls flopping about as he looked at me with a curious gaze. He inhaled sharply, nibbling on his lower lip as I stared back at him with raised brows and an amused grin. 

“I’ll put a pillow wall between us and everything.” I said. “If it makes you feel comfortable.”

“I just don’t want you to wake up in the morning and freak out.” He said softly. “You’ve had a lot to drink and if you don’t remember any of this tomorrow, it might be a little scary to wake up with a strange man in your bed.”

“Well, it’s your bed.” I said softly. “And I’ve been worse off than this and still remembered what happened the night before, Harry. I come from a very small town where drinking is considered a sport. This is a regular Tuesday for me.”

“Alright.” He whispered through a breathy laugh. “But if you change your mind at any point through the night, feel free to kick me out of bed.”

“I won’t.” I rolled my eyes. “Get ready for bed, yeah? You’ve got a big day tomorrow and I can’t have you losing a match because of me. People will think I’m bad luck.”

                                         🥃🔸🥃🔸🥃🔸🥃🔸🥃

Harry’s POV 

When I woke up in the middle of the night, our pillow wall was gone. 

Piper’s cheek was pressed into her pillow, soft puffs of air escaping her parted lips as she tightened her grip on my shirt. Her hand was resting on my tummy and her foot was hooked over my calf muscle, but she remained on her side of the bed. I lay there for a minute, watching her peaceful face as she slept. I tried to commit her features to memory, my heart squeezing in my chest as she shuffled around a bit. I rested my hand over hers, softly brushing my fingers over her knuckles as her body moved just a little closer to mine. 

The dry feeling in my mouth pulled me from my peaceful moment, urging me to go downstairs for my own bottle of water. It was silent in the house, no more music pumping through the speakers downstairs, and I felt safe enough to leave Piper on her own in my room without the doors locked. I would only be gone for a few minutes at the most, running down for water before I ran back up to curl back up next to the sleeping girl in my bed. 

When I made it downstairs, Louis was already in the kitchen.

“Hey,” I grumbled, walking over to the fridge. “What are you doing up?”

“Same as you.” He said. “Thirsty.”

“Hmm.” I nodded. “Eleanor still knocked out cold?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “Love that girl to death, but she snores like a bloody chainsaw.”

“That she does.” I laughed, pulling a water bottle out. “I’m glad she’s got Piper as a friend. It was nice to see her unwind tonight.”

“It was.” Louis nodded, pressing his hip into the countertop. “Piper likes you.”

I nearly choked on my water as Louis looked up at me. 

“What?” I asked. “How on earth-” 

“It’s obvious, mate.” Louis rolled his eyes, an amused grin on his lips. “She’s got a bit of a crush on you, but what girl doesn’t?”

“Lou-” I said slowly, my eyes narrowing. “Why do I feel like you’re about to give me a speech.”

“It would break my heart if Eleanor lost her as a friend, Harry.” Louis said softly. “She doesn’t have anyone over here and I at least have you and Niall, you know? If she lost Piper because you two decided to fool around and things ended badly-”

“That’s not what this is.” I said quickly. “And I don’t appreciate what you’re trying to say, either. I would never hurt Piper, or anyone, on purpose. She’s a very sweet girl and it just so happens that I’ve liked her for a while.”

“You know each other, then?” Louis brows arched up and I sighed. “Wasn’t aware.” 

“We don’t know each other, but I’ve seen her around campus.” I mumbled. “Always had my eyes on her, Lou. She’s fucking gorgeous.”

“Harry,” Louis said softly. “I’m asking you as a friend, please don’t get involved.” 

“That’s a shitty thing to ask.” My voice was hoarse. “It’s late and we’re both still pissed. I’m going to bed.” 

“Just think about it.” He said, knocking his knuckles against the countertop. 

Lucky for Louis, it was all I could think about for the rest of the night.

                                         🥃🔸🥃🔸🥃🔸🥃🔸🥃

Piper’s POV 

When I woke up the next morning, I could feel Harry’s heartbeat against my cheek.

The annoying beeping of his alarm had me groaning and turning my face into his chest. I heard him mutter a soft series of ‘sorry’s’ before it turned off. Harry’s arm draped over my back, holding me against his chest as I closed my eyes again. I let out a soft hum as he brushed his fingers up and down my back, his chest rising and falling slowly under my head. 

“I see that we’ve lost the pillow wall.” Harry’s voice was deep and raspy, causing a shiver to run up my spine. 

“Sorry.” I whispered, lifting my head up as I pressed my palm to his chest. “I guess I tossed it aside in the middle of the night.” 

“You did.” He chuckled softly. “You pushed it down with your feet and then you pulled it out and chucked it because you were trying to get comfortable.” 

“You watched me?” I asked, blinking a few times to try and focus my vision as I rested my chin on the back of my hand.

“I felt you flopping around like a fish out of water and I had to check on you.” He said slowly, his own eyes still shut. “I fell back asleep and when I woke up for a wee you were snuggled so tightly against me that I could barely pry you off.”

“I didn’t know that I was a cuddler.” I mumbled softly. “I’ve never really slept in a bed with anyone else before.”

“Well, you can tick that box off of your bucket list.” He smiled, his fingers still brushing over my back as I looked down at him. “You staring at me?” 

“A little.” I confessed, a small smile creeping up on my lips. “Think you’re pretty.”

“Love,” He let out a breathy chuckle. “Easy.”

“What?” I asked, dropping my head back to his chest. “Why can’t I say you're pretty? We spent the night together, I’m allowed to compliment you a little.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea to flirt with me?” He cleared his throat, shifting around under me. I groaned, falling back to the pillow next to him. “Do friends flirt?”

Friends.

I should have known better. 

There was no way on earth someone like Harry would want to be with someone like me.

“Friends can call each other pretty.” I said dejectedly, turning on my side. “And friends can cuddle, too.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, you’re an amazing cuddler.” He said softly, pressing his palm to my bicep as he leaned over to kiss my temple. “You’re welcome to sleep more if you’d like, but I would love to take you out to breakfast.”

“Breakfast?” I turned my head, looking at him with furrowed brows. “I thought you had a match this morning?”

“I’ve got a few hours.” He rested his body next to mine, his head falling on the pillow next to mine lazily. “Eleanor will be at the match.”

“I know.” I whispered. 

“You should sit with her.” Harry smiled. “I would like that.”

“Okay.” I said softly as he snaked his arm underneath my own, curling it around my middle. I tried to fight off a smile. “Thought we were getting up?”

“Few more minutes.” He mumbled. “You smell nice. S’that your perfume or your shampoo?”

“Probably both.” I smiled, resting my palm over his forearm. “Both sweet pea scented.”

“Piper.” He mused. “Sweet pea.”

“What are you mumbling about?” I asked, trying to contain my giggles at his sleepy rambling. 

“Gonna call you sweet pea.” He mumbled. “Because your name starts with a P and you’re so sweet.” 

Fuck being friends. 

I liked this boy.

And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t ignore the fluttering feeling in my stomach. 

I was truly fucked.

                                           ⚽️🔹⚽️🔹⚽️🔹⚽️

December

Piper’s POV 

There were only a few seconds left in the match and our boys were killing it. 

Eleanor gripped my hand tighter as Louis shouted to Niall across the field. Seconds later, he was kicking the ball with the side of his foot. Harry was much closer to the goal, ready to land the winning kick into the goal. I looked at him, his chest heaving and his hairline coated in a thin sheen of sweat. His face was intense and it made my thighs clench ever so slightly to see him so serious. He was always so attractive in the middle of a game, his brows pulled together and his lips pinched tightly together. I loved watching him pull his hair up before a game, twisting the long strands around before he tossed it up in a bun on top of his head. 

“He’s got this.” I said. “Come on, Lou!”

“He’s gonna pass to Harry.” She shook her head. “He has to, babe. He’ll miss from back there.”

“They have five fucking seconds.” We always got a bit snippy during games, but never at each other. “It better be a flawless fucking pass.”

Louis passed the black and white checked ball to Harry with a swift kick and I held my breath, waiting to see what would happen. Harry pushed a guy on the opposing team gently with his shoulder, sliding low until his foot collided with the ball. Just as the last second ticked down, it collided with the net behind the goal and Harry collapsed on his back as players rushed around him. 

Everyone cheered loudly, Eleanor jumping up with a loud cheer alongside the crowd. I could barely move, my heart thumping so loudly that it was all I could hear. I watched Harry’s back flat on the ground, my eyes watering as he continued to stay still. When I saw him sit up, shaking his head, I finally took a deep breath. Moments later, Louis and Niall were lifting him up on their shoulders. 

“Thank, fuck.” I whispered, standing up next to Eleanor as I clapped. 

Harry’s eyes flitted to the stands, landing on mine with a wide grin. 

He was covered in mud and dirt, but he was fine. 

Eleanor grabbed my hand, guiding me down towards the field. 

She was quick to launch on Louis when her feet hit the grass and Niall was quick to run over and scoop me up. I patted him on the back, laughing as he shook me around in his arms. 

“We won!” He cheered. “We bloody won!” 

“I know!” I chuckled, brushing my hand over the back of his head. “I’m proud of you, Ni.”

He put me on my feet, pressing a kiss to my cheek before he turned around to Harry. He grabbed his best mate by the face, kissing his forehead before he ran off shouting something that was terribly hard to make out. I rolled my eyes, steadying myself on my feet. Harry walked over to me, holding his arms out with that same wide and cheeky grin on his lips. 

“Come give your best mate a hug,” He said. “Gotta thank my good luck charm.”

“Harry, no.” I said, holding my hands up. “You’re covered in mud and grass and- Harry!” 

I squealed, taking off on the grass as Harry chased me. 

I dodged a few members of the opposing team, apologizing profusely. 

It didn’t take very long for Harry to wrap his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. 

“I deserve a bloody hug, sweet pea.” He squeezed me tight. “I won!”

“I know, but you’re gross.” I groaned, dropping my head back. “You get to shower before we go to lunch and I don’t.” 

“You could always join.” He whispered, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear. “Know you’ve been dying to see me naked, haven’t ya pea?”

“I will elbow you.” I grumbled, spinning around in his arms. “Don’t be a prick.”

“Just like watching you blush, Piper.” He reached over, pinching my cheek softly. “Where are we going for lunch today?” 

“Where do we always go for lunch?” I rolled my eyes. “Go on, get cleaned up so we can go.”

“Fine, fine.” He sighed. “I’ll see you in ten?”

“I’ll be here.”

I walked back over to Eleanor and Louis, my mind stuck on Harry’s cheeky comment. 

I hated when he did stuff like that. 

He was always toying with my emotions, pulling me to and fro like I didn’t have any feelings at all. He knew that I had a crush on him and he knew that it sucked for me to be so close, but I had the power to stop it at any time. The truth was that I couldn’t stomach the thought of being away from him like that. I wanted him in my life, no matter how I could have him. I walked towards Eleanor with a heavy sigh, crossing my arms over my chest as she kissed Louis deeply. 

Being around a couple constantly was torture when you weren’t apart of one yourself. Especially when the person you wanted to be a couple with was always around anyways. When the pair were done kissing, Louis ran off towards the stadium to take a shower in the locker room. Eleanor smiled over at me and I gave her a blank stare, my lips turning down. 

“What happened?” she asked softly. 

“He’s done it again!” I tossed my hands up. “He was all ‘you should come shower with me, I know you want to see me naked’. Isn’t he the one who keeps insisting we should just be friends?” 

“He’s an idiot.” She rolled her eyes. “I hate that he keeps doing this and I hate that you won’t let me talk to him about it.”

“I don’t want to come between you and an old friend, El.” I shook my head. “He’ll grow up eventually, I guess. If he doesn’t, I guess I’ll have to start moving on.”

“I think you two would be so perfect for each other, babe.” She sighed. “I don’t know what his deal is!”

“Has Louis said anything?” I ask softly. “I don’t want to pry but-”

“Not a word.” She said, her sympathetic grin causing my heart to sink. “He spends all of his time with you and we both know that he’s into you, but something is holding him back.”

“Yeah.” I grimaced. “I like him so much, El.”

“I know.” She frowned. “I wish I could smack some sense into that thick skull of his. I mean, men can be so daft and then they say we’re the complicated ones!”

“I know!��� I exclaimed. “Anyways, you and Lou are still coming to lunch with us, right?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Louis is dying for a turkey apple sandwich.”

“That does sound good.” I hummed out. “I was thinking about soup, though, it’s freezing out here.”

“Oh, soup.” She groaned out. “That’s perfect,”

                                                        ⚽️🔹⚽️🔹⚽️🔹⚽️

Harry’s Pov

I wrapped my towel around my waist, letting out a heavy sigh as I turned the faucet off. 

I hated what I was doing to Piper. 

My sweet pea.

I couldn’t help but rile her up like that, watching her face flush red as I whispered in her ear. 

Part of me was certain that I was riling her up so that she would make the first move. If that was the case, maybe Louis would realize that our feelings for each other were real. 

“Mate,” Louis said. “What was that on the field?” 

“What do you mean?” I asked, my brows furrowing as I walked up to my locker. “We won, Lou.”

“I meant when you were chasing Piper.” He said. “That was flirting, Harry.”

I snapped my mouth shut. 

If he heard the things that passed between Piper and I when we were alone, he’d be livid. 

It was borderline verbal sex with us sometimes, the tension so thick that it had her clamping her legs shut and me shifting in my seat. 

“Was just teasing her, Lou.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re not getting onto Niall for picking her up and kissing her face.”

“Niall means no harm.”

“And neither do I.” I shot him a glare. “Mind your mouth.”

“Why her, Harry?” He sighed. “You could have any bird or lad on campus and you want her, why?”

“Because she’s Piper.” I turned towards him. “She’s the one that I want, okay. I can’t tell you why I think about her every moment of the day or why I want to be with her, I just do. I want to be there for her and you’re stupid fucking fear for Eleanor is standing in my way.”

“You can do what you want.” Louis’ jaw tensed. “M’not standing in your fookin’ way, mate.”

“But you are!” I shouted. “You are because you know that I would never do anything to hurt you or El because you’re family to me. You asked me not to do something and I’m being respectful of that because I respect you. I can’t say that you respect me though, because you would never ask this of me if you did. Can’t you see that this is killing me?”

Louis let out a frustrated huff as I turned back to my locker. 

I grabbed my clothes, angrily pulling them on before I ran my towel over the wet strands of my hair. Piper would be pissed to see me pulling at my curls instead of properly scrunching them up with a soft t-shirt, but I couldn’t be arsed to care about that right now. I slammed my locker shut, hiking my bag onto my shoulder before I stormed out of the locker room. When I walked out onto the field, Eleanor and Piper were whispering amongst themselves. 

“I just don’t get it.” Piper let out a sad sigh. “I want-”

“I know, babe!” Eleanor interrupted her with a chipper voice, pressing her hand to Piper’s bicep with a wide smile. “I wish they still had pumpkin spice too, I already miss it.”

“You women and your pumpkin spice.” I grumbled, pressing my hand to Piper’s hip before I leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Know you miss it, Pea, but it’s peppermint season now.”

“You’re right.” She gave me a playful pout. “I guess I can survive with that for now.”

“Thatta girl.” I chuckled, pulling my hand back as she reached up to touch my hair. “What?”

“You didn’t scrunch your hair properly, H.” She sighed. “I’ve told you to take better care of these curls! They’re going to be frizzy when they dry.”

I licked over my bottom lip, resisting the urge to lean down and kiss the pout off of her lips. 

“Sweet Pea, I’m sorry.” I said softly. “I was in a little bit of a rush, yeah? Wanted to get my favorite girls to lunch.”

“In that case, I guess I can forgive you.” She mumbled. 

                                                    ☕️☕️☕️☕️

Piper’s POV 

I sipped at my peppermint latte as Harry tossed a french fry into his mouth. 

“So when are you all flying home?” I asked. “Only a few weeks left until Christmas and exams are almost over.”

“El and I are flying out next Friday.” Louis said, smiling over at his girlfriend. “I’m excited to see me Mum and sisters.”

“Me too.” Eleanor nodded. “Missed them all.”

“What about you, H?” I asked. 

“I decided to stay.” He shrugged. “I don’t want to disrupt my schedule mid year, you know? It’ll be hard for me to get back into things come January if I spend an entire three weeks vegging out with Mum and Gem.”

“Oh.” I said softly, my face falling as he cleared his throat. 

He was avoiding something and he was sad about it. 

“I’m not going home either.” I said softly. “Too expensive to fly around the holiday’s, you know? Don’t make nearly enough being a full time fan girl for the footie team.”

“Tell me about it.” Eleanor rolled her eyes playfully. “Who do I talk to about getting that raise I was promised.”

“Oh, you get plenty as it is.” Louis leaned forward, capturing her lips. “Pay you in love and other things.”

Harry let out a frustrated sigh, standing up from the table. 

“I’ve gotta go.” He pulled his wallet out, tossing twenty five dollars onto the table. “S’enough for both of us and the tip, Pea. I’ll see you later in Mcgregor Hall for our study session.”

“H-”

“Bye.” He leaned over, pressing a sloppy kiss to my forehead before doing the same to El. 

I watched him storm out with a confused look on my face. 

“Should I not have asked about Christmas?” I looked at Eleanor with soft eyes. “I can’t….El, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Babe, it’s gonna be fine.” She said softly. “He’s just a bit moody today, isn’t he? Misses his Mum a whole lot, it has nothing to do with you.” 

“What are you two on about?” Louis asked, glancing between us. “Is something going on between you and Harry?”

“No.” I shook my head. “That’s the problem.”

“They have this chemistry and Piper really likes Harry, but he told her that being friend’s was their best option.” Eleanor explained softly. “Sometimes he’s sweet on her though and it makes her sad because she wants him.”

“El.” I mumbled, my cheeks growing warm. “He doesn’t need all of the details.”

“You like that miserable sod?” Louis asked. “You’re not worried about a relationship with him ruining your friendship?” 

“Not really.” I shook my head at Louis. “Harry and I will always be friends.” 

“No, I mean,” Louis sighed. “You’re not worried about it ruining you and Eleanor’s friendship?”

“No.” I said slowly. “What are you talking about?”

“I feel like if you and Harry were to break up, you wouldn’t want to be friends with El because he’s always around.” Louis said softly. “Wouldn’t that be hard?”

“For a bit, yeah.” I shrugged. “We’re both mature, though. I think we could work through any differences and remain friends.”

“Why are you being so nosy?” Eleanor narrowed her eyes, looking at Louis. “What have you done?”

“Nothin’!” Louis exclaimed. “I’ve not done anythin’.”

“Louis!” She cried out. “You’re lying to me.”

“M’not.” He fidgeted in his seat, avoiding her gaze. “Swear I meant well.”

“Louis, what did you do?” I asked softly, my heart dropping as he avoided my gaze. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, I just…” He licked over his bottom lip, looking between Eleanor and I with wide eyes. “I just asked him to consider your friendship with Eleanor before making any moves on you. I didn’t want to see her lose her best friend, you know?”

“You’re a sodding prick, Louis Tomlinson.” Eleanor snapped. “You knew that Harry would respect that if you asked. He thinks of you as a brother and he would do anything for you.”

“I have to go.” I grabbed my bag and my coat. “I have to find Harry.”

“Go on,” Eleanor said. “I’ve got a very naughty boyfriend to deal with.”

                                           ❄️💠❄️💠❄️💠❄️

The first place I ran to was the frat house. 

Harry wasn’t there and Niall hadn’t seen him at all. 

The second place I ran was the park on the far end of campus that we often spent weekends at.

He wasn’t there either. 

When I finally found him, I was only a little shocked. 

“You just played a match, mate.” I let out a relieved sigh when he snapped his head up, his eyes softening when he saw me. “What are you doing out here?”

“Just needed to clear my head.” He said as I walked closer. “Why are you here?”

“I had to see you.” I took a deep breath, swiping the ball from between Harry’s feet with a swift kick. It landed in the goal and Harry let out an amused, but breathy chuckle. “I’m getting good.”

“You’ve got a good teacher.” He snorted out a laugh. “Everything okay, sweet pea?”

“No.” I said. “You see, I’ve got this friend and he’s having some girl trouble.”

“Oh, yeah?” He asked. “What’s his deal?”

“He really likes this girl and he flirts with her all the time, but he hasn’t made a move.” I shrugged, glancing up at Harry. “There’s this other friend of theirs that asked an impossible favor of him and he’s being loyal, which I admit is admirable, but a little daft, as you would say.”

Harry’s Adam's apple bobbed up and down softly and he looked over my head. 

“He does sound quite daft, doesn’t he?” He let out a soft laugh, closing his eyes. “Piper-”

“It makes me love him more though.” I said softly. “The fact that he’s putting aside his feelings because he’s that loyal to the people he loves. It’s stupid, but really sweet.”

“You think so?” He asked, his eyes a little watery as he looked down at me. 

“I do.” I nodded. “Why didn’t you talk to me about this, Harry? We share everything with each other and-”

“This was the one thing I couldn’t tell you, pea.” He said softly. “I never wanted to hurt you and...I knew that this would.  I didn’t want you to feel like I was choosing something over you, because that isn’t the case.” 

“Harry, it’s okay.” I said softly. “I would have understood and I also would have had a very long talk with Louis about minding his own business, darling. You’re free to be with whoever you want and no one can tell you otherwise.”

“What if I want to be with my beautiful best friend, pea?” He reached up, brushing his thumb over my chin. “What if I want to be with the girl that stole my heart the moment I saw her?”

“Then make a fucking move, Styles.” I let out a breathy laugh as he leaned closer. “She won’t wait around forever. She’s a fucking catch and-”

Harry’s lips pressed into mine, cold and wet and perfect. 

I pressed my fingers into his shoulders, gripping his coat tightly with glove covered fingers. 

He tilted his head slightly, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of my lips. 

“You’re perfect, Piper.” His breath washed over my lips as I shuffled closer, desperately seeking his body heat. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” I said. “Just be with me, H. Be mine.”

“I’ve always been yours, Piper.” He brushed the tip of his nose over mine. “Always will be.”

When Harry’s lips pressed to mine again, something wet landed on my cheek. 

We both pulled back, looking up at the sky with wide smiles. 

“Snow.” I said softly. 

“Christmas miracle isn’t complete with snow, is it?” He teased, brushing his nose against mine. 

“Shut up and kiss me.” 

                                                 🎄❄️🎄❄️🎄❄️

Harry’s POV 

Louis looked like a child who had just been told Santa wasn’t real when Piper and I walked back into the cafe holding hands. He shot me a soft look that said ‘mate, I’m really sorry for being a dickhead’ and I gave him a tight smile in response. We still needed to have a talk about everything, but there was no use in fighting over something that was in the past now. It felt good, sitting next to Piper as her boyfriend and not just her best friend. It was sudden and my mind was still reeling, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I walked her back to her dorm that night with a pout on my lips and our fingers tightly laced together. 

“I don’t want to say goodbye, pea.” I mumbled, my thumb brushing against her cheek softly as we stood in front of her door. “Just got you.”

“You’ve always had me.” She snorted out a soft laugh. 

“Never been able to make out with you, though.” I wiggled my brows. “Think we can finally carry through on all that sexual banter we’ve been partaking in.”

“Yeah.” She said quickly, her cheeks getting pinker. “But not tonight, H. Think we should take some time apart to think about things before we jump right in. It’s going to be a bit different now and I need to get used to the idea.” 

“Take as much time as you need.” I pressed my lips to hers in a soft kiss. “I’ll be waiting.”

I was only slightly regretting my words now. 

Everyone had left for Christmas and we had the house to ourselves. 

We were in the middle of a movie marathon in the living room, a few bottles of wine and takeout boxes scattered on the coffee table as we snuggled into each other. Piper’s head rested on my chest and her fingers rested against my stomach, slightly drumming over the bit of holiday weight I had put on over the last week or so. She looked so cute all snuggled up in my sweater and a pair of fluffy sucks, my sweatpants tucked into them carelessly. 

“You’re thinking too loud.” She whispered, lifting her head up. “What’s going on in your head, H?”

“Just thinking about how cute you are.” I smiled down at her. “You’re all snuggled up in my clothes with your pretty hair and your pretty eyes. I just can’t believe that I’m lucky enough to call you my girl.”

Her eyes searched my face as I reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“I want you.” She said softly. “But I’m scared.”

“I wasn’t…” I trailed off. “M’not trying to get in your pants, sweet pea. I just wanted you to know that I’m so in love with you.”

“And I’m in love with you.” She sat up. “And I would really, really like to show you how much I love you.”

“When you’re ready.” I said. “I know that you didn’t have the best first time and you’re a little nervous to dive back in, but I can wait. I want you to be one hundred percent ready when the time comes.”

She inhaled sharply before giving me a soft nod. 

“I love you.” I said, brushing my thumb over her bottom lip. “Get back over ‘ere, pea. Wanna snuggle you some more.”

                                               🎄❄️🎄❄️🎄❄️

Piper’s POV 

Harry was snoring softly in my ear on the couch. 

The sun had long gone down and the credits for The Holiday were rolling on the flatscreen in Harry’s living room. With a soft groan, I flipped around in his arms, nuzzling my face into his chest as he tightened his arms around me. The scent of his cologne filled my senses, nearly lulling me back to sleep. I was moments from falling back into dreamland when I felt something firm pressing between my thighs, causing my eyes to snap open. I pulled back to look at Harry’s face, his eyes still shut as he continued to softly snore. He was still fast asleep. 

I let out a soft gasp, my walls clenching down as I shifted against his thigh. I let out a soft gasp, my fingers tightening against his sweater as I stilled my hips. I tilted my head back, looking over his face as he slept peacefully. I didn’t want to wake him, but was done waiting. I wanted him. I wanted everything with Harry and I especially wanted to indulge passion filled moments with frantic hands and desperate kisses with a christmas film playing in the background. 

“Harry.” I said his name softly, my fingers trailing up his throat to cup his cheek. “Harry, baby, wake up.”

“S’wrong?” He asked, tucking his head down. “You alright?”

“I want you.” I said it softly, my heart pounding against my chest. “I’m ready.”

“Sweet pea, s’late.” He opened his eyes. “Are you sleep talkin’?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I mean it.” 

I rolled my hips, grinding my core against his thigh to really send the message through. 

“Piper.” He gasped, his eyes wide open. “Darling, what….what’re you doing?”

“Was trying to snuggle up to you and you put your thigh between my legs, H.” I said timidly, my face heating up under his gaze. His lips were curling into a soft smile and I bit the inside of my cheek. “It felt nice.”

“S’that why you want me?” He let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. “Needy girl.”

“Please.” I whispered. “I need you.”

“I’ve got ye’.” He leaned down, pressing a series of soft kisses to my lips. “Gonna push your pants down, okay?”

I nodded, but she shook his head. 

“If we’re doing this, I want to hear you.” He said. “I need you to say what you want.”

“Take my pants off.” I griped, tilting my head back.

“Good girl.” 

Two little words.

They sent a shockwave through my body, running straight to my core. 

I let out a soft whimper as he pushed at the waistband of my pants. 

“M’too tired to fuck you.” He said softly. “But I promise to make you feel so good, sweet pea. Gonna have you cummin’ fo’ me.”

“Please.” 

I shifted my hips as he moved the waistband of my sweats to my thighs, his hand brushing up the skin of my leg to my hip. He gave it a soft squeeze as our lips collided and I squirmed beneath him. He pulled back, brushing his nose against mine with his eyes shut tight. 

“Do you want my fingers?” He asked me softly. 

“I do.” I nodded. “My fingers are too small and I can never get the angle right when I try.”

“Fuck, pea.” He groaned, opening his eyes. “You’re killing me, my love.”

“Just want to love you.” I pouted my bottom lip out. “Wanna feel good.”

“I know, darling.” He sponged a few soft kisses over my hairline. “Let me get on my back, okay. I want you to ride my fingers.”

Harry wrapped his arms around my body, turning onto his back. I fumbled, my chest pressed tightly to his as he let one of his hands trail over my bum. I whimpered when he tucked his fingers between the crease of my bum and my thigh, brushing the pads of his fingers over my lower lips. His other hand maneuvered its way between our bodies, his thumb brushing swiftly over my clit before it dipped towards my entrance. 

“S’this okay?” He asked. “You feel comfortable?” 

“Yes.” I nodded. “I’m good.” 

He inserted his thumb, pulling it out quickly before he slipped it back up to my clit. 

He rubbed soft circles over it as his fore and middle finger brushed over my entrance in a teasing manner. 

I rolled my hips, desperate to have them inside of me. 

“Yeah, just like that.” He said gruffly. “Ride my fingers, sweet pea. Take what you want from me.”

I gasped when he pushed two fingers into me, my slick walls stretching around them as I moved my hips. I pushed down as Harry curled his fingers up, stroking over that spongy spot inside of me. I moved my hips up, his fingers sliding out slowly before I fucked back onto them. He cooed, brushing the pad of his thumb over my clit in quick circles. 

“You’re so tight, Piper.” He whispered into my hairline as I gripped onto his shoulders. “You’re clenching my fingers so tight.”

“Feels so good, Harry.” I whimpered. “Wanna cum.”

“Are you close?” He asked, a teasing lilt to his voice. “My girl is so greedy, isn’t she? Gonna cum before I properly fuck her with my fingers becuase she wants it so bad, isn’t that right?”

“Yes.” I gasped against his throat. “I need to cum, Harry. It feels so good and I can’t...I need it, baby. Please let me cum.”

“Take it.” He said, sliding his free hand up to my hip. “Take it from me, Piper. Make yourself cum for me sweet pea.”

I felt my thighs clamping as he pressed harder against my clit, my hips stilling against his hand as he stroked that spongy spot inside of me. I felt my walls clenching down around his digits, my whole body warm as my mouth fell open. It was better than any orgasm I had ever experienced on my own and it had me crying out into the skin of his neck. He brushed his hand up my back, slowly slipping my fingers out as I started to come down. 

“You’re so good.” he whispered. “That was perfect, darling. Did so well for me, didn’t you, pea?” 

“That was nice.” I mewled. “Thank you, thank you-”

“Gonna treat you so good tomorrow, darling.” He promised, a sharp edge to his voice. “Gonna spend hours with my head between those pretty thighs and then I’m gonna fuck you like you want. Gonna have you screaming for me, sweet pea.”

I whimpered into his neck, nodding. 

“I want that.” I whispered. 

My eyes felt heavy as he started to pull my pants back up. 

“I love you so much, H.” I whispered, my eyes slipping shut as he covered me up. “Love you, darling.”

“I love you more, pea.” he whispered. “Go to sleep, baby. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

I drifted off to the sound of Harry’s voice, my face snuggling into his shirt. 

This was all I ever needed. 

[hwangsbbg]

First - Hyunjin

3.9k word,

In which reader is worried about her first time with Hyunjin but it ends up being everything she’s dreamed of. 

------------------------

"I really don't know what to do" You groaned, your head resting in your best friend's lap as you told him of your problems.

Hyunjin was going to be quite busy for the rest of the week with the rest of stray z with this project he couldn't tell me about.

The last time I had seen him was yesterday which explains why I was here ranting to Eric about my "relationship issues".

"It's not like I don't want to but every time we go a little far I start freaking out and I back out." I explain as the older boy runs a hand through his blonde hair.

Eric and the rest of the boyz were on break for around a month so I was over at their dorms whenever I could and spending time with my best friends.

I had to go back to the US in a month however to start my tour. I was on vacation for a good three months and decided to come spend it with my boyfriend and friends.

"You've been dating for like a year. I'm sure he really loves you and he won't force you to do anything you don't want to" Eric explains making me groan in frustration again.

"A year and four months. It's not that I don't want to, I just.. I feel like I'm gonna disappoint him or it won't be how either of us imagined" I let out.

"Listen dude. If you're feeling insecure or something let me remind you of the thousands of fanboys you have as well as the idols and celebrities who've tried hitting on you. You're gorgeous. Hyunjin knows that and I'm sure you wouldn't disappoint him. But if you're still scared, that's fine. You don't have to rush anything." Eric smiles a little towards the end of his small rant making me sit up and give him the tightest hug possible.

"You are the bestest friend I could ever ask for" I said before the door opened revealing Kevin.

"Kevinnn" I ran up to him and hugged him, his arms wrapping around me, returning the hug before letting go.

"Hey! What're you doing here? You said you were coming tomorrow" Kevin spoke.

"I needed advice" I pouted walking back towards Eric and laying down where I previously was.

"About what? Maybe I can help" Kevin sat down on the seat next to me and before I could even speak up, Eric began speaking.

"She's scared to have sex with Hyunjin" He spoke bluntly, my eyes widening at his unfiltered words.

"Well I wouldn't call it scared" I defended myself not really knowing why as Kevin gave me the dad look.

"You know, you shouldn't rush yourself. Your body knows when it's ready or not. You don't have to do it for him. When you're both ready it'll happen" Kevin explained, a soft expression adorning his face.

"But it's not like I don't want to. I do, it's just I get super nervous before anything happens" I explain exactly what I did with Eric before Kevin spoke up again.

"Don't even worry about this. Just live like it doesn't even matter and one day you'll feel if it's right and it'll happen okay" Kevin told me, giving me a tight hug.

"I literally love you guys. I needed this" I smiled as Kevin spoke up announcing he had to shower before leaving Eric and I alone.

"I'm heading back to my house in like two hours" I told Eric as he turned on the videogame console and handed me a controller.

"Two hours is enough to beat at least a hundred times" I laughed, picking my avatar for the race.

---------- three days later ---------

I opened the door to my house, walking in with Hyunjin following after me. He turned around and locked the door before we made our way up to the stairs.

Yes, I had bought a house in Seoul. I had the money and frankly it was much easier to stay at my own house then pay for a hotel every time I visited, which was alot.

Hyunjin was finally done with his secret project with the rest of Stray kids and came over to spend some well needed time with me.

I followed him to my room, giggling as he almost tripped over a staircase. I stayed the door, watching him in amusement as he opened the door and ran straight for the bed, plopping down onto it.

He rested his back against the dashboard and grinned at me, tapping on his lap making me laugh as I understood what he was implying.

I closed the door behind me, hurrying over to my boyfriend and sitting down on his lap, chest to chest, face to face with my feet on both sides of his legs.

He smiled, wrapping his arms around me before speaking up.

"It's only been three days but I missed you. What am I gonna do when you leave for tour again" He pouted, as I rested my forehead against his.

"We have a whole month and a half left, and when I leave I'll call you everyday. And remember we'll see each other in Berlin" I gave him a small peck, smiling widely at him as I pulled away, our noses still touching.

"If only we could stay like this forever" He sighed, his fingers rubbing circles on my waist.

I simply hummed in response, using my fingers to brush a loose strand of his golden colored hair back in place.

"You know you're really pretty" I blurted out, not really knowing why those were the words that decided to make their way out of my mouth.

"Thanks baby, you too" He chuckled, placing his lips on mine again.

I smiled into the kiss as he lifted his head up a little from the headboard allowing me to place my fingers in his hair and pull him closer.

"Your kisses are intoxicating" He pulled away.

I smiled for the hundredth time, reconnecting our lips as his hands held onto my waist keeping me steady.

I felt him nibble lightly on my bottom lip asking for entrance which of course I granted to him.

I felt his tongue brush against mine before mine responded and both of us began moving in sync.

We were actually quite often like this. Alone, in our own little world, appreciating each other's company.

I pulled away, leaving a kiss on his lips, cheeks and forehead, cupping his cheeks with both hands and smiling widely.

"I love you so much it hurts" I told him.

"I love you more baby. So much. I'm gonna marry you someday" He answered.

I couldn't even explain the amount of love I had for this man as I reconnected our lips, this kiss needier than the previous ones as I wasted no time in latching our tongues together and letting him create a steady pattern with his.

His finger trailed under my shirt, leaving a cold and tingling sensation on my waist as he continued whatever it was he was doing with his tongue.

He detached his lips from mine before quickly reattaching them on my ear, nibbling lightly on the lower part before moving down along my neck.

I let out a few ragged breaths as he began kissing and sucking lightly on my neck, his hands going up to my bra.

I let out a small whimper as he began sucking on a certain spot causing him to chuckle in satisfaction as he continued sucking on that same spot, applying a bit more pressure.

Meanwhile his hands palmed by breasts, covered by my bra. He squeezed on them making me involuntarily arch my back causing my hips to twitch forward.

A groan emitted from his lips as he began sucking on the exposed part of my collarbone, the only part my skin would allow him to.

"Let me just" he pulled away, hooking his fingers to my shirt before pulling it off.

"Gosh, you're beautiful. So beautiful baby" he latched his lips back onto my collarbone, more of it exposed with me now being topless.

He squeezed on my breasts again, rubbing on them as I let out a few barely audible moans mixed with whines.

He pulled away, pulling his shirt off in a swift motion as I indiscreetly stared at his body. His gorgeous muscles, his six pack abs, his tan skin, his chest, everything about him was absolutely magical, breathtaking.

"You're so fucking hot" I could feel my face heating up as he moved a strand of hair behind my ear, grinning, before cupping my face and pulling me into another kiss, this one sloppy as we were both simply desperate to feel more of each other.

He moved his hands back onto my hips, holding onto them as he guided them, moving them back and forth. I could feel my ass rutting against his growing erection and despite the layers of clothing I could feel the sensation on my core making me more and more wet by the minute.

He clearly wanted me to feel him as he let out a small groan, moving in the same rhythm as he moved my waist.

I pressed a few kisses on his neck before moving to his collarbone and sucking. I couldn't mark his neck or he would get in trouble but I freely let myself suck all over his beautiful collarbones, red marks decorating his skin as my hands roamed over his toned stomach.

"Ok baby.. um.. you're going kinda far now" he moaned, holding on to my face and pulling me away to look at him.

We had never gone this far, as I'd usually panic and he'd tell me it was okay and go take care of himself but after talking with Eric and Kevin I was convinced I could go through with it.

"Sorry" I apologized. If my skin weren't so dark, I'd be as red as a tomato.

"You don't need to apologize, I just don't want you to go further than you're ready to you know. I'm fine with what we do until you're ready" He whispered.

"I think I'm ready" I nodded at him. I was absolutely in love with him and I needed him right now.

"Are you sure baby" He asked, grabbing onto my hands and kissing both of them.

"I'm positive" I reassured him. He grinned. He was as virgin as I was and tried not to show how nervous he was when he trailed his finger upwards to the hook of my bra and unhooked it.

He easily pulled my bra off and stared at my exposed breasts, his breath hitching before he slowly moved his hands up and cupped them.

"Fuck baby" He groaned, moving his lips to them and kissing one, sucking on several spots leaving dark purple marks before taking a nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, sucking it and letting it go with a popping sound before moving to the other.

I let out a moan, gripping onto his hair as he sucked harder on this nipple, his teeth slightly grazing on them making me hiss in pleasure.

He let go and the cold air immediately hit them making me shiver.

He chuckled at my reaction, picking me up and flipping us over so he was hovering over me.

"I love you so much beautiful" he pecked my forehead then my lips as he intensely watched my fingers undo his belt, then his jeans buttons before he helped me remove his jeans completely.

The bulge in his pants looked much bigger as the only thing covering it was now his boxers.

The nervous feeling kicked in again but it wasn't enough to overtake the absolute neediness I felt for my boyfriend at this moment.

I slowly moved my hand to palm his erection earning the loudest groan I've heard from him all day.

I began rubbing my hands up and down his boxer hidden length while he hooked his fingers on my jean shorts and breathed a "fuck" before pulling them down along with my underwear.

"Fuck. Fucking hell. Baby" he dragged the last word, staring at my body, completely naked and only for his eyes.

He moved his hand along my thigh, trailing it upward and stopping just before my core.

I looked up at him, desperately wanting him to touch me as he reattached our lips.

"You're so fucking hot" Hyunjin let out, finally touching me where I wanted by tracing a finger on my slit.

"Look at you already so wet for me" He tugged on my bottom lip, easily slipping a finger in my heat causing me to groan.

"Hmm you like that babygirl?" he curled his finger slowly moving it in and out before adding another one.

"You're so wet for me baby, look at how easily my fingers fit" he spoke, barely audible as he continued thrusting in and out of me with his fingers, his thumbs going my clit and rubbing on it.

The scenario was giving me more pleasure than the actions itself. Hyunjin, almost fully naked, his lips on mine and his fingers fucking me. Hell it was straight out of one of those wet dreams I had.

I arched my back to give him more access as he continued what he was doing, his hand going back up to grab one breast and massage it.

"Please, I want you, so badly" I finally let out.

"Fuck babygirl if you keep speaking like that I'm not gonna last long" He groaned removing his fingers making me wince at the loss of contact.

He was now on his knees between my legs as he began removing his boxers revealing his very erect length.

My eyes widened at it, wondering how the hell it was supposed to fit. He seemed to have noticed my worrying because he quickly spoke up.

"Don't worry baby, it'll fit. Trust me" He said making me nod as he threw the boxers aside.

He lowered himself so that his face was inches away from my heat as I stared at him in confusion.

He began kissing my legs all the way up to my thighs where I was certain he left a hickey or two before his face was directly in front of my core, his hot breath sending shivers to my core.

"I've always wanted to taste you" he said, attaching his mouth to my clit. I let out the loudest squeal ever, feeling an insane amount of pleasure all at once.

He began circling his tongue around my clit and sucking on it making me a wriggling mess.

"Mm stop moving" he mumbled against me as he used a hand to push me down. My hands unconsciously went to the back of his head, pulling him closer as he made out with my clit.

"Please. Fuck please. Don't stop" I let out whatever word I could think of as I tried pushing his face against me even more as if to get more pressure.

He smirked, licking a long stripe on my heat before sticking his tongue where his fingers once were. The warm feeling of his tongue inside of me, exploring my inner walls, thrusting in and out of me was driving me crazy to the point where I couldn't think straight.

"I want you. Please. So badly" I told him. I wasn't one to beg but when I had my very sexy boyfriend naked in front of me, between my legs, begging was the least of my worries.

"Of course babygirl" He pulled away, grinning at me, his lips swollen and red and his face flushed with strands of his hair sticking to his forehead.

"Isn't this is your first time too" I asked him and it seemed to make his confidence falter for a while as he blushed and muttered a small "yeah".

"Let me take care of you too then" I spoke up, instructing him to sit against the dashboard of the bed again.

"You don't have to do this babe" "No I want to" I said positioning myself between his legs.

"I really have no idea what I'm doing" I told him, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Just whatever feels right" He hissed when I grabbed hold of his member. I began stroking it, wrapping my hand fully around it and moving my hands up and down.

"Fuck.. yes like that baby" he moaned as I rubbed by finger on the tip of his cock, dragging it on the pink slit.

I out some spit on his length and rubbed it all around allowing me to move my hands faster.

"Fuckkk. Yes baby like that" He looked completely fucked out and absolutely breathtaking with his pupils dilated, his mouth slightly ajar and his eyes staring at me and what I was doing.

I finally took the tip in my mouth, continue my movement with my hands as I licked around the tip before hollowing my mouth and sucking on it.

I continue sucking, going deeper each time until I reached my limit. I made sure to not let my teeth get involved as I bobbed my head up and down his shaft.

"Ah I- I think I'm gonna come" he let out. I continued my actions, bobbing my head faster. Despite trying to control himself he began thrusting into my mouth, his cock twitching.

With a final thrust he released with a loud moan, eyes closed as he regained his breath. He opened his eyes to see me swallow the load he had just shot into my mouth.

"Fuck that's so hot" he ran a hand through his hair.

"You're so hot. You drive me completely crazy" He spoke in between breaths making me giggle.

"Can you keep going? Cuz I really need you right now" I rested my hands on his thighs and stared at him awaiting an answer.

"Fuck you really thought we were going to end things there?" He shook his head, making me smile as I laid on my back with him between my legs.

"Do you have a condom" He asked me, realizing he hadn't brought one.

"I'm on birth control" I answered simply, making him grin.

I had started taking the pills to control my period and the pain.

"Damn I just came and I'm already so hard again" He let out, rubbing the tip of his lenghth along my slit making both of us moan at the feeling.

He slowly inserted the tip making me hiss at the foreign feeling. Two fingers were nothing compared to his member.

"You okay babygirl" He asked. I nodded, giving him the pass to continue as he moved deeper inside until he was fully in and you couldn't see any of his member anymore.

"Fuck you're so tight. And warm. It feels so fucking good." He groaned, falling as if he were on cloud 9.

After the slight burning subsided I gave him the signal to start moving and so he did. He slowly moved out until only the tip remained inside of me before thrusting back in.

"Fuckkk Hyunjin" I moaned surprising myself and how loud and high pitched it was. But the sensation he had brought now was one I had never felt before.

"Say my name again babygirl" he repeated his actions as I moaned his name once more, fueling his ego.

"Fuck you're so tight but you take me so well. Don't you babygirl" he began gaining speed.

"Mmm only you Hyunjin" I replied, shutting my eyes closed and enjoying the feeling.

Hyunjin lifted one of my legs onto his shoulder and began thrusting even deeper than I had imagined was possible.

"FUCK- FUCK RIGHT THERE " I cried out as he hit a specific spot that sent a tingling feeling through my entire body.

He watched as my boobs bounced with every thrust, the scene making his release approach faster and faster.

Hyunjin bent down and began kissing me, messily as he continued thrusting, deeper and harder, always hitting the spot that had me going crazy.

"Fuck you're so hot Hyunjin. Fuck- fuck you're gonna make me come. You make me feel so fucking good" I cried as he moved to attack my jawline with kisses.

I could feel his cock twitching inside me and I could tell I was also close to releasing.

"So beautiful. All mine. Mmm you're all mine" he grabbed hold of both my hands, entangling them with his own as his thrusts began slowing down but he kept thrusting with the same intensity.

I felt my walls clenching around him more and more with each thrust.

"F-fuck Jin I'm gonna cum" I squeezed his hands tight as I reached my orgasm, my walls clenching around his cock as he came one again, inside of me.

"I love you so fucking much" He whispered, kissing my forehead before rolling over next to me.

"I love you too babe" I whispered, still trying to catch my breath.

"We need to clean ourselves" Hyunjin said making me nod.

"Wait here" He stood up towards the bathroom as I waited and after a few minutes he came back.

He picked me up bridal style making me giggle before taking me to the bathroom.

I smiled at him as I saw the bathtub ready. He put me down and I almost fell down, gripping onto his shoulder.

"Whoa baby, don't worry I got you" he said, holding me steady and helping me inside the tub.

"I'll be right back" he disappeared into the room for a few minutes before reappearing.

"I'm here" he climbed in the tub besides me, pulling me against him so that my back was against his chest.

He lovingly wrapped an arm around me while using the other to rub soothing circles on my thighs.

After a few kisses, a bunch of “I love you”s and actually washing ourselves clean, we went back to the bedroom where he had put on new sheets.

I smiled at him as he handed me a pair of underwear and his shirt to wear while grabbing a pair of sweatpants himself.

Yes, this was my house but it was full of his stuff as he often came over and even slept over.

"I'm glad this happened. I'm glad my first time was with you. With someone I love. It was absolutely amazing." Hyunjin told me, pulling me into his chest before we both fell asleep.

--------------- two days later -------------

"So you actually did it" Kevin asked in surprise and I nodded. Again if it weren't for the color of my skin I'd be as red as a tomato.

"Well, how was it" Eric asked right as Juyeon walked in the room.

"How was what" He asked sitting down beside us.

"She lost her virginity two days ago to Hyunjin" Eric told him, revealing my personal life as if it were nothing once again.

"Oh, congrats?" Juyeon laughed, giving me a small hug before speaking up again.

"Remember my offer still stands. If he ever hurts you I can kick his ass" Juyeon spoke making everyone in the room laugh.

"But really though, how was it" Eric spoke once again, not forgetting his original question.

"Um.. magical" I replied. It was simply magical. Better than I could've ever dreamed of.

[soapoperabub]

Regrets

( Draco Malfoy x Reader )

Warnings: angst, heartbreak, cheating, swearing

"Sometimes it's not the butterflies that tell you you're in love, but the pain."

It's been a full year now since I graduated Hogwarts. I didn't really think my experience there was going to be full of drama. Yeah, I expected chaos, but not that kind. You can tell Hogwarts really made an impact in my life, considering how I'm still thinking about my time there a year later.

But let's think about something else. That's why I'm here. In a place filled with...humans. I'm still getting used to it. If I could, I would've obliviated some idiot drivers near here.

I looked outside from the small café porch and sighed. It's been so quiet these days that I almost miss the chaos. Almost. It still caused me trauma.

Wanting to clear my thoughts a little, I exited the café and went on a little stroll around the neighborhood. There were people carrying newspapers and baskets of bread. Stealing them was tempting, but I didn’t have my wand.

"To hell with you!"

I turned to my right and spotted two grown men bickering in an alley and newspapers on the floor. I shook my head and was about to leave when the other guy spoke.

"Look, I'll buy you some new ones, alright?"

My legs froze. It almost seemed too familiar for me. I turned back to my right, hoping I just heard wrong. But I didn't. Why is he here?

"Draco..?"

Our eyes met. Shit. Hoping he didn't have time to recognise me, I turned my head away and started walking in a fast pace towards my apartment.

"Y/N,"

Shit. Shit. Shit. Almost jogging now, I quickened my pace but why would I bother, when I know just how stubborn he can be.

"Y/N, is that you?" he tugged on my sleeve with a little force, causing me to stop in my tracks. I wouldn't turn around, so he stepped in front of me instead. His grey eyes played the moments we shared back in Hogwarts like a record. I drifted my gaze away, if I get reminded of them, it'll just be harder to leave.

----

*flashback*

I sat on my bed with my legs crossed, waiting for Draco to open the door to the dorm as he promised to meet me here. He's already 15 minutes late. Giving up, I threw my phone on the nightstand and was about to get myself tucked in bed when the door opened.

"Sorry, Stupid Potter got in my way back there."

Shooting myself back up to sit down, I glared at him. "I waited 15 minutes, Draco. Fifteen."

He just smiled in reply and sat down beside me with an arm over my shoulder. "I know, and I'm sorry." Looking at him, I couldn't possibly stay mad at his adorable smile. Knowing he probably never says sorry to anyone else at campus except me, I decided to forgive him.

"Alright, so where are we going tonight? Star-gazing? A walk around the town? Oh, can we please sneak into that new shop that sells exploding bon bons?" His eyes started to soften, almost sad-looking. "I can't stay for long. My father is expecting me. He arranged a.. meeting with someone."

"Oh," I knew how strict his father was. I also knew how much he feared him, so I didn't have the right to blame him. "It's okay, we can always go next time." I plastered on a forced smile, hoping he wouldn't notice.

Almost every night, we sneak out of campus and walked around town. Last year on this very day was when we officially started dating, but he didn't even mention it today. 'He's going through something with his dad.' I thought to myself.

"I'm sorry, I really am." Without even hesitating, he stood up and walked out the door.

The next few days, I barely even got to see him. He's been.. distant. I would see him in the hallways every so often, but when I call out to him, he leaves. Did something bad happen with his father? Why isn't he telling me about it? He normally does. We don't keep secrets because we feel like it'll drift us further apart. Today, I want to confront to him about it. I need to. I can't keep living every day like nothing ever happened.

I took a deep breath before heading towards his dorm. Crabbe told me he's not attending Dark Art's lessons today, and that he'll be in their dorm. Gathering all my courage, I lifted my hand to knock when I heard a girl's voice coming from inside.

"You have no idea how honored I was when I found out I had been given Lucius's blessing."

"He just knows how much I love you. That's probably why." Draco? No. Surely I heard wrong.

"Oh, Draco." The courage I mustered up before, acted on it's own, and now I'm watching another woman in the arms of the only person I have ever given my heart to. I couldn't move a single inch, my brain was still processing what I've just seen and the tears were piling up in my eyes. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. "Y/N," I looked back up at him. He pulled away from her, but just stood there.

"Oh, is that one of your friends? Hi, I'm Astoria. Astoria Greengrass." She smiled at me. I didn't know who to despise. Her or the foolishness of my actions.

"Y/N, I can explain." I couldn't even look his way because I knew if I did, the tears I've been holding back would escape. I didn't want to look weak. Not in front of her. Not in front of him. I didn't want him to know he hurt me. I didn't want him to look at me like I was a poor child who lost something so precious. "Y/N, look at me." He started walking towards me and I took a few steps backwards.

"Explain? Explain what, Draco? What is there to explain? How her presence is better than mine? Oh, I know. How consoling her hugs are, perhaps?"

"Y/N, if you would just listen to me-"

"Draco, what's going on--" Astoria spoke up. "Please, Astoria this is my problem to fix. Get out." This was the first time I've heard him raise his voice like that. Even I winced at the harshness of his words. She left, hitting her shoulder with mine.

"Y/N.. I know it looks bad. But you've got to believe me, my dad. He-"

"Blaming the father again, are we? Please, Draco. I've seen the way you were holding her. I've heard the words you tell her. You can't tell me it was all an act. Acting doesn't look that real." You could hear the cracks in my voice.

Silence. There was no reply. He didn't say anything. Does that mean what I said was true? Did he truly love her?

"Come on, then. Tell me it's not true. Tell me everything you told her was a lie. Even if it was your father's doing, can you really leave her and come to me?" Unable to hold back, my lower eyelashes were drenched and so were my cheeks.

"I'm so sorry.. I'm sorry, Y/N."

That was all I needed. Ripping my gaze away from his sorrowful eyes, I turned around and walked away.

*end of flashback*

---

I found myself in the same café I was in earlier this morning, but with the person I wished I had forgotten sitting before me.

He never took his eyes off me since we entered the café, and I started to feel uncomfortable. "I've missed you."

"Save it. I really don't wanna hear it right now. Get to the point. What do you want?" His eyes now left mine and wandered the cafe's interior. "How long have you been here? Is the food nice? Can't be better than those exploding bon bons though, right?" I stared at him in disbelief. "Exploding bon bons? You mean the ones we were gonna get but didn't, because you ditched me for.. what was her name, Astoria?"

"Y/N-"

"Is that why you wanted to talk to me? To remind me we had a fucked-up past?" The audacity of this man caused me to cross my arms and furrow my eyebrows. "Y/N, I told you it was my fath-"

"Shut up." I was sick and tired of his talks about his father. It's always his father. His source of excuses was his father and I knew that better than anyone.

Another pause of silence. Fed up, I picked up my jacket from the chair and walked out to leave-

"I left her."

My body involuntarily froze.

"I left her because of you. Because whenever I'm with her, I get reminded of the moments we shared. And I miss them. I miss you." I turned over to look at him.

"What do you want me to do? Thank you? Apolagise? Draco, do you have any idea what you even did?" I started getting more and more annoyed as he kept going.

"Yes. Yes, I know. And I'm not asking for you to thank me or apolagise. Just.. just give me another chance." His words almost made me scoff.

"You-"

"I won't ask for anything more.  All I'm asking for is for you to at least forgive me. I was a child. I didn't know anything. I fucked up, I know that now and I promise I changed. Just please.. If I'm gonna lose someone, I can't let it be you."

There was truth in his words and I wanted to believe him. His words lured me in. I was helpless at this point.

"Whatever." I tried hiding the smile that grew on my face but I'm sure he noticed.

He gave me a big smile like a little kid who has just seen a basket of chocolate. "Thank you."

A few months passed and we would meet everyday. I've always known I still had lingering feelings for him, however I didn't want to believe I loved someone who thought so little of me.

We weren't dating, I couldn't let him get away with it so easily. But I started to think that he changed, and I meant more to him than anyone else in the world, so I decided to ask him today. I trusted him, and he probably does too.

We were supposed to meet at mine today, but I had to go out and get some groceries so I gave him the keys and told him to wait for me there. On my way back, I picked out some bon bons to surprise him with. I didn't like how something only ever reminded me of bad times. I wanted to replace the negativity with positivity.

Taking my heels off and tidying myself before the big moment, I twisted the doorknob but my actions came into a halt when I heard.. Lucius?

"She is not worth your time. I told you once, and I'll tell you for the last time. You are to be with Astoria." His words were sharp and stern.

"Father, I told you,  I'm in love with-"

"Silence."

The room was quiet.

"I have already set the time and place of your proposal. Make it run smoothly."

My heart sank. Proposal?

With that, the door opened and I stood there, hopelessly, like a lost child. Lucius ignored my presence and walked out while Draco just looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed and his breathing was unsteady.

"Draco.." Neither of us knew what to say because we knew we were powerless. There wasn't a single thing either of us could do to make this situation any better.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Why is it that all I ever hear him say is sorry? Why is our relationship full of reasons to be sorry for?

He was about to walk out but I held onto his wrist, stopping him from leaving. I didn't want it to end there. I didn't want 'us' to end there. I've been hurt this way before and I didn't want it to happen again.

"You told me you changed," Deep inside, I wished he would answer the way I wanted him to, but of course that won't happen.

"I guess I haven't." Why does he always make me feel powerless? Why does he always make me feel weak?

Slowly releasing my hand away from his wrist, he gave me one last smile before leaving.

I was left with so many questions. What would have happened if I wasn't so harsh on him? Were we bound to be separated from the very beginning? Did I meet him again just to feel the same pain I did back then? Was this all just to remind me that I'm not worthy of him? That I'm not worthy of love?

What about us? Was there even an 'us' to begin with?

A/N: I wasn’t so confident about this story but I mustered up the courage to post it. If there’s something you see that needs improvement, please tell me :) I need honest feedback.

[mega-bastard]

i was kidnapped by shiratorizawa ?!?!?!?!

this was painful to write, but like a masochist I did it anyway. this is my part of the the first Whorehouse Collab, located here. Finally getting back into writing fanfics since like 2015, this was oddly therapeutic.

I wrote this under the influence of magic grass after binging several wattpad fics, enjoy at your own risk-- by which I mean laugh alongside me LMAO

The ending is sososo rushed, in true wattpad fashion <3 this was 1.3K words of nonsense

When I woke up today, I didn’t think I’d end up in such a bind— bindings to be more specific. I’m just your average little miss no one, another everyday student easily lost in the in the crowd. Wearing glasses and being like super shy does that to u, yknow?

Now, blindfolded and tied up, I can’t help but wonder just how someone so unnoticeable had gotten snatched up so suddenly— perhaps that was had why you were taken (insert Liam neeson voice: I will find you, and I will kill you hehe >:3). Now, with the full throb in my head beginning to subside— I started to recount what had bringed me into such s predicament

~ rewind to earlier in the day ~

I’d only just waked up when I received a text from my best friend mina (bnha wink wonk) gushing about or schools volleyball match— to say she was crazy in love aoba Joshuas volleyball team would be selling it crazily underwhelmed. Especially their captain, oikawa tooru ! Most of our school did, but I was really observant of the people around me— he gives me weird vibes, like he puts on an act or something. But still, I keep that thoght to myself so no one comes for me. Seriously, he’s got fans like a Kpop star (a/n haha stan bts for clear skin uwu)

Either way, her dragging me to a volleyball game is nothing new— and as she’s blowing my messages up like the world is ending I know  what to expect this coming afternoon. What a pain, I had planned on watching naruto when I got home today :(

There was no telling Mina no, so when we enviably met to walk to school I was well aware I’d be attending the volleyball match today. Boring, but I’d manage— I don’t care much for sports but sweaty and muscley men are finer than fine, I’d at least have spank bank material hehe (a/n not to whore on main buuuuuut ;3).

The day flew by and suddenly I found my self seated on the stands, waiting for the game to begin. Mina was chatting away, so when the urge to go to the bathroom came I simply got up and left— I wouldn’t get a word in edgewise, everyone always runs at the mouth and I can never get a word in as a result.

Not paying attention on my way to the bathroom, I suddenly shivered— feeling watched. I looked up from staring at the floor and was brought face to face with...the Shiratorizawa Volleyball Team ?!?! At the head was the tank of a captain, japans number one ace Ushijima Wakayoshi (a/n a whole snack yumyum) was indomitable and a scary man to be faced with. Ushijima was still as fierce as ever; I say that because we’d gone to middle school together— we never spoke or anything like that but we’d been in the same classes. He scrutinized my small form with impassive olive eyes, I felt rooted in place at such a state.

I shook myself from my little reverie and quickly scurried off, heart beating a mile a minute. “ just find the bathroom and head back to Mina “ I murmured to myself, finally finding the bathroom after rounding a corner. The feeling of being watched finally lifting.

After using the bathroom and began to head back, I could hear someone...singing something? I began to head towards it out of curiosity, peeking around a corner to see a tall red haired guy and a grey haired guy— they were wearing the same uniform so they must also be a part of the team as well! Lost in my thoughts, I was only briefly able to dick away before the red haired guy turned around to where I was peeking.

Ok seriously, let’s head back ‘ I thought before scurrying back to Mina— who grilled me on my absence before becoming entranced in the starting game. I stayed on my phone for the most part, reading one direction fanfic— with the phone screen down waaay low (a/n who else has done this before ???). Id peek every now and again to watch, at one point catching the eye of the tall red head— a chill ran down my spin at his impish smile that I looked away immediately.

He was...cute. In a scary way.

A sudden hush flew across the crowd and I looked up in time to see oikawas serve hit clean across the net, received by some guy with brown hair before being set by some twat with shitty hair (a/n shirabus a twat, their I said it >:/) before the ball was spiked back with a force unmatched.

That was Match point. Shiratorizawa wins.

The air is oppressive, oikawas fan girls— mina included, are wailing. That’s my cue to exit, bidding a mina goodbye I began my way down the hail, the rush of the court fading into background.

Then suddenly, rushing feet and the crack of something hard against my skull.

Darkness consumed me.

~ back to the present ~

Now back to the hear and now, I hear murmerings-- voices I don’t recognize. I try to listen, try to focus in on their voices but I can’t as the throbbing in my skull takes my focus away. A whimper escapes me, and a silence sweeps across wherever I am like a breeze-- it’s scary.

“haha, is she awake?” it’s the sing=songy voice from before-- the red head probably then? I know I needed to say something, anything, but I was still to disoriented. The sound of shoes nearing me immeadiatly set me off, beginning to wiggle and move before I was held still vision suddenly assaulted with brightness as my blindfold is redmoved.

Standing before, me in all their glory, is the Shiratorizawa volleyball team??

It looks like I’m being held in...an empty dorm room? I’m trying to gather my bearings and cannot figure what to possibly ay before being yanked up harshly from a laying position. It’s the red head holding me up, wicked smile and everything as he crouches in front of me before opening his mouth.

“ You belong to us now, got it~” his voice is too cheery given the words he’s just said to me (a/n tendou owns my heart and soul <3333 ), and only now does my voice find me. “ B-but w-why m-m-me ? You c-can’t j-just do t-that, please just let me g-g-g-g-g-g-go !” by the time I finish blubbering, theres tears streaming down my cheeks like rushing rivers. Through my lashes, I look pitifully around at everyone-- landing on an umcomfortble looking kid with a bowl cut, but he looks away as soon as i stare up at him.

no, no ,no nononono no ones going to help me. the tears fall puddle on the floor, only growing in speed when ushijima speaks. “ You’ll be transfering here, become our manager, and be staying in this dorm room-- it’s already been settled” (a/n idk I’d be p happy to be shiratorizawa’s manager uwu) his voice is deep and leaves no room for any back talk, but my stomach drops at his next sentence “Semi, put it on her’ my head whips up, starring doe eyed at the grey haired guy from before as he approaches with...IS THAT A COLLAR AND LEASH??? (a/n insert debby ryan face)

my face heats up, embarrassed and ashamed at the idea of being collared like an animal. I try to wiggle away, annoying Semi, “Tendou hold her still damnit!” at that Tendou-- the red head, grips my face with one hand to keep me still, gripping it hard enough that hes smushing my cheeks (a/n tendou, t e n d o u, loml, how I cherish thee) . He mutters a quiet cute, so faint I think I’m hearing things, before the tightening of the collar breaks me from that train of thought. With that done, I’m released, falling to my hands and knees staring up at the entire team now gathered before me.

A tug on the leash tugs me forward without much effort, and the tears spring up once more at the humiliation. 

“This is gonna be fun~”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok so I hoped you guys loved it <3 I’ll try my best to get out weekly updates, next chap I’m thinking I either focus on how ushijima and reader-chan actually do know eachother, shirabu and semi fiighting of reader-chans attention, or maybe tendou and reader-chan getting into trouble while draggin goshiki into it! SOund off in the comments and let me know what you think ?? anyway love you guys sm <33333

[fanfic-me-up]

okay so i kinda got carried away with this one??? i just really love this idea and how freaking fluffy it is! so thank you for submitting it @peachy-yabbay​! 😊 also lowkey im sorta falling in love with kaminari?? like he’s so fun to write and i had a smile the entire time. anyway i rlly hope you enjoy!

Feel free to request more here. I write fics, drabbles, and headcanons 💖

Also, I have a yoga fic already posted with bakugou x fem!reader so if this doesn’t satisfy your need of bakugou being a flexible pretzel and failing you can read more here 😂

Bakugou Katsuki

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

like Bakugou prides himself on going to the gym everyday, but he focuses on strength training and muscle building

the art of flexibility takes time, effort, and perseverance

he gets super frustrated when he can't get the splits in 2.5 seconds

“Careful or you might pull something.”

he ignores you ofc bc for some reason he thinks he’s gonna get the splits if he just - forces himself???

“seriously, Bakugou, don’t push so much-”

“Shut up I know what I’m - OW SHIT FUCKING HELL”

poor bby is on the ground cradling his thigh bc he pulled his hamstring

And lemme tell you THAT SHIT HURTS 😭

he’s literally screaming bloody murder

-like he’s faced a lot of pain from hero training but pulling your hamstring is just so. much. worse???

you grab an icyhot pack (aka you grab Todoroki lol) but Bakugou’s just like “hell no fuck off half n half”

“Must be bad. I heard you crying from downstairs-”

“I SAID FUCK OFF” Todoroki shrugs and leaves.

you roll your eyes at Bakugou’s stubbornness and grab some muscle balm instead

“Tch. I can do it myself” but you ignore him and rub the balm on his thigh, he doesn’t fight it

after that whole fiasco he finally listens to your warnings when you tell him that's enough

he’s in the splits in a little over a month!

“Oh my god, Bakugou, you’re doing it!”

“Tch. I know.”

you don’t miss the small smile on his face

he goes up to you later and shoves something in your hands

“Um. What’s this?”

“A movie ticket” you stare at it blankly, he rolls his eyes

“I’m taking you to the movies tonight, dumbass.”

“Like a date?” you stare up with hopeful eyes

“The fuck? No! As payment.”

you blink, clearly confused

“You know… for helping me with my stretches.”

Oh.

you blush in embarrassment at the misunderstanding

“I’ll meet you out front at 7. Don’t be late.” he walks off, but before he reaches the corner he stops-

“Ugh fine! It’s a date! Happy!?”

you erupt in the biggest smile

he wants to be the only one to make you smile like that from now on

Todoroki Shouto

Todoroki is impressed with how flexible you are, and you’re quite surprised when he asks you to help him

the most aloof - and handsome - guy in your class you’ve barely spoken TWO words to has come to you for help??? is this a dream? someone pinch you 👀

but there you are, the next day in his dorm, gently pushing his hips down

Todoroki’s working on his warrior/scorpion pose (ya’ll there's so many names for this pose jfc the one where you’re standing on one leg, back arched, and you’re holding the other leg above your head)

he’s sweating and breathing heavily, and when you go to steady him, you actually burn your hand on his bicep.

“Ouch!”

“Are you okay?”

he’s hovering over you the next second, you show him your hand, a blister already forming

“Damn it. I still have trouble controlling my left side,” he looks away from you, clenching his fists, “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” you blow cool air on the wound to stop the tingling, “all better,” you smile up at him

“Here, let me,” he pulls his shirt up to reveal his stomach and places your hand on the right side. You sigh in relief as your hand is instantly cooled.

Uh oh.

you realize where your hand is currently pressed against 😳

you’re so tempted to trace along the hard contours of his abs

“Y/N? You’re burning up.” he touches your cheek, your heart doing somersaults at the closeness

“Oh-kay, that’s enough for today!” you squeak, running away from a thoroughly confused Todoroki

Todoroki shows excellent progress in just a couple weeks. He says it’s because he has a great teacher, but you know it's his work ethic and how he listens to your advice and applies it flawlessly.

He’s even gotten better at controlling his left side since he’s constantly relaxing his muscles to get deeper in the stretch.

it happens during warm-ups before training

Class 1-A goes into some stretches when you see Todoroki go into a perfect scorpion. His back perfectly arched and his leg reaching above his head.

“Oh my god, Todoroki, you’re doing it!” you clap your hands in excitement

“Am I?”

...is this boy for real? lol

“YES” you laugh at his stoic expression

“I see.” He softly comments before going into another stretch.

your shoulders deflate, disappointed at the lack of enthusiasm

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he cracks a small smile and your breath is taken away by the simple gesture. It’s rare to see him with such a soft expression, and the fact that you’re the reason for it sends your heart aflutter.

AND bc he’s totally oblivious to your current state, he goes up to you and whispers, “you’re an amazing teacher, Y/N”

“It was n-nothing re-really it was a-all you!” you laugh awkwardly, unable to meet his eyes.

“How can I thank you?”

“It-it’s really n-not necessary!”

“Hmm…” he walks away deep in thought and you’re just standing there like the stuttering mess you are bc how dare he walk away like nothing!?

Mina’s got your back tho bc frankly it's quite sad how awkward you are and how oblivious Todoroki is that she NEEDS to become the captain of this ship stat

She “casually” suggests to Todoroki that he should take you out to eat as a thank you for helping him.

and when he walks you to your door that night he says, “I hope you enjoyed our date”

“D-date?” cue the butterflies in your stomach

“Was it not a date?” You’re pinned by his intense gaze, but you manage to squeak out a “yes!” in your confused daze. He chuckles at your nervousness

“Have a good night, Y/N.” he kisses your cheek

and when you give Mina the details of your date there’s a bunch of squealing from her end and you’re just like 😳 the entire night

Kaminari Denki

“Woah, Y/N, you’re really flexible. Can you put your foot over your head?”

You show him and he’s totally amazed. “Cool! Can you teach me? I wanna put BOTH legs over my head!”

first day of stretching with Kaminari is… def a day you remember

“Ow ow! Y/N, don’t break me!”

“Denki, I’m not even touching you!”

He looks up where your hands are on your hips

“oh... heh” he gives you a sheepish smile

You roll your eyes. How you’re gonna get this boy flexible enough to put his foot over his head is beyond you, but you’re happy it’s going to take a while - it means more time spent with your crush

You spend an hour with Kaminari each day to perfect his stretching routine (It should only take about 20 minutes, but the boy’s got the attention span of a newborn puppy)

“Woah check out that cloud, Y/N.” Kaminari looks in awe at the sky. You sigh, not again

“Denki, we’re not done, get back in the stretch”

“Look Y/N,” he points, “doesn’t it look exactly like baby yoda?” He lies down on the grass to gaze at the clouds

“Oh my god, Denki, I’m gonna kill - oh wow…” you gaze up in awe at the cloud, “baby yoda…”

You and Kaminari spend the rest of the hour cloud gazing

After literal MONTHS of getting on Kaminari’s ass he can FINALLY put his legs over his head.

He calls out to you during a training exercise, “Y/N LOOK I DID IT!”

“NOT ONE BUT TWO!” he points at both of his legs with a huge smile

You feel a rush of happiness because even after how frustrated you were with him at times, you would do it a million times over if it meant getting to see such a pure smile.

“Congrats!” you say, “Now, stand up so I can give you a hug!”

“Um…” he sheepishly looks up at you, “I’m kinda... stuck?”

You roll your eyes affectionately, “the things I do for you.”

You’re about to help Kaminari when Bakugou shoves him backwards giving everyone in class a clear view of his ass in the air 😂

“Hah, dumbass.”

Kaminari waddles helplessly side to side

“Y/N?” he squeaks, “a little help here?”

Later that week he tells you he found a yoga class for both of you to take and you’re surprised. He still wants to spend time with you?

But then he says, “Are you crazy? Why wouldn’t I wanna spend time with the coolest person I know?”

You choke on your tea, in disbelief at his words - that was a huge compliment and you know Kaminari is a very open person so you just brush it off with an “Oh stop it…”

“No I’m serious, Y/N, you’re awesome. Like super awesome,” he gives an awkward laugh while rubbing the back of his neck

“I’ve been thinking… maybe after yoga, we can, i don't know... hit up the arcade or something? Or it doesn’t have to be the arcade, it could be anything really!”

You’ve never seen Kaminari this flustered before. He’s the type to brush off his mistakes with a laugh, always moving on to the next moment.

“No, the arcade sounds fun!”  

You reassure him and the confident light in his eyes returns

“Oh and Denki?”

“Yeah?”

“Prepare to get rekt in mario kart”

This starts a whole ass play fight about who’s gonna get dunked on when racing down rainbow road

[dirt-cup-draco]

Hermione x F!Reader - I Wish

hi!! may i request a hermione x female reader where it’s the trope of friends to enemies to lovers?

Your heart was stopped as you watched Hermione twirl in her dress for the Yule Ball. She was gorgeous. She had tamed her hair for the occassion but you wanted nothing more than to run your fingers through the unruly threads and set her free from the confines of the clips and product. She was stunning like this, but you knew she was wild at heart. 

“You look amazing ‘Mione!” You nearly drooled, hoping she didn’t notice. 

“Aw, thank you!” She giggled back. “I’m more excited than I thought I would be, it’s a foolish dance but sometimes foolish things are needed.” She reasoned with herself as she smoothed her skirts down. Hermione was nervous, you realized. Her hands didn’t stop moving even if the rest of her looked composed. 

You took a step forward, grabbing one of her hands, unsurprising to find it was clammy. “You look great, Krum is going to be speechless, you have nothing to worry about,” You soothed her, jealous biting at you and making your stomach turn uncomfortably. 

“I hope so,” She sighed, squeezing your hand in a friendly manor before turning on her polished heel and swaying her way out of your shared dorm. It was a curse and a blessing. You got to spend every day with your best friend, but you had to keep your distance. You couldn’t be with her in the way you wanted. 

“Y/N, Harry is waiting,” Hermione called behind her and you sighed, stepping out of the room without even checking your appearance. You had gotten dressed up of course, it would be a sin not to. You loved your dress but your heart wasn’t in it tonight. You were lucky Harry hadn’t gotten a date and had instead asked you. He knew how you felt about Hermione.

You walked down the stairs, pushing past Hermione without another look. You might start crying if you did. The boys stared behind you with wide eyes and you were positive if you were to turn around she would be floating down the staircase, looking ethereal. 

“Lets go,” You muttered, grabbing Harry’s arm with the grace of an elephant on roller-blades as you dragged him into the winter wonderland decorated great hall. 

“You alright?” He asked as you slumped into a chair at a table that was tucked far into the corner. 

“Just peachy,” 

“You could tell her, you know,” 

You shook your head violently, eyes wide, staring at Harry like he was crazy for suggesting such a thing. You’d be less surprised if he had told you he was going to go fight Voldemort while riding a dragon right this moment. 

“Just drop it, please,” You begged and he finally sighed heavily, rolling his eyes but shutting up. Drama queen. You thought with a smile. “Want to dance?” You offered as a way to make up for snapping at him. 

“No,” He said but got up, offering his arm to you as you stumbled across the dance floor. You tried not to look at Hermione. It was too much, you couldn’t handle being around her most of the time now. Every time you were one nagging voice in your head told you to go for it, tell her. The other voice told you she would hate you if she knew you felt that way about her. You kept quiet. 

The rest of the night passed in a blur and it wasn’t until much later when you noticed her, red faced, storming up the stairs that you realized maybe she wasn’t having a fairy tale night either. 

“Everything going okay?” You asked hesitantly as you entered your dorm, hearing her sniffling. She was sat on her bed, a tissue pressed daintily to her eyes as she tried to keep her composure. 

“Not really.” She said honestly. “Ronald was being an absolute tosser,” 

You chuckled and sat beside her. “When isn’t he?” You joked back and she shook her head but her lips quirked up in a smile. 

“Um.. Could we talk?” 

“I’ve done plenty of that today, but sure,” She sighed and you immediately felt sick. 

“I- “ love you so much it hurts. I want to be with you. I want to call you mine and run my fingers through your hair and kiss your nose and rosy lips. I want to cuddle with you in front of the fire and hold your hand when we walk to class. “think we should stop being friends” What the fuck.

“Y/N?” Hermione croaked, eyes searching yours as she was taken aback by your words. “You’re joking right?” She already had been so torn up before you had come in and here you were making her night worse. 

But you couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t stand loving her from a distance anymore but you couldn’t tell her how you felt, you couldn’t handle it and so you were going to run away and burn some bridges.

“I wish- I wish we’d never met, quite honestly,” You added, voice nearly getting stuck in your throat as she went pale and tears welled up in her eyes.

“Why are you saying this?” 

“B-because I don’t like you,” I love you. I’m sorry. 

After that, you had switched dorms with some other Gryffindor who didn’t care enough about why you were asking and just decided she wouldn’t hate the change of scenery. You sat at the opposite end of the table during meals and you tried to pretend the first week you couldn’t feel Ron and Harry staring at you in disbelief while Hermione pretended you didn’t exist.

“Nice going,” Harry commented one day in class while you stood over a cauldron together. “Now none of us can hang out, we even mention you and ‘Mione goes into hysterics... She’s a wreck Y/N, you know she won’t show it but she needs you. Of all the things you could have said or done, why that? I thought Gryffindors were brave... You’re just a coward,” 

---

By the time the tournament was over and Cedric was being mourned, you had completely detached from your classmates. Ron, Harry and Hermione were once again the perfect trio and you were lonely. You missed her. She hated you. Summer came and you stayed home. You didn’t visit the burrow or have mock quidditch games with Ginny. You avoided answering letters except for sending a happy birthday to Harry. 

When Harry started the DA later that year. You joined, of course you would. You couldn’t let the awkwardness keep you from rebelling against Umbridge and preparing yourself for what was coming. You thought you had been preparing at least. Even as things got worse, you didn’t have the courage to face Hermione and tell her what you really felt. Not until it was too late.

----

She had heard the news from Ron. He had been pale and panicked, already crushed at the news of his brother’s death. And now, he was losing another friend. Hermione needed to know of course, he had gone to her first. Knowing she would be much easier to find than Harry in all this mess. Hermione had been talking to Luna, hearts heavy but looking up as the end was coming. The momentary hope and joy she had felt however had been smashed when Ron ran to her, gasping for air. “It’s Y/N, she won’t make it much longer. S-she asked for you.” 

Hermione Granger had never run faster in her life. Even with the tension between you two, she couldn’t imagine a world without you. And now that she was faced with that possibility, she needed to see you. You were placed where all the injured and all the deceased were. A bloody sheet placed over you as your eyes were shut against your ashen face. 

“Y/N,” She gasped, falling to her knees beside you not even caring as the rough stone beneath her scraped and burned her legs. She was grabbing your hand and tugging it to her chest, to her heartbeat. Maybe if you felt it yours would be convinced to beat stronger. 

“Am I dead?” You questioned, voice no more than a whisper. 

Hermione chuckled and brushed your hair from your eyes as your visage blurred with oncoming tears. “No silly, no you are going to be alright just hold on okay?” 

“I must be dead, Hermione wouldn’t talk to me even if it meant she got an Outstanding on all her exams,” You let out a dry chuckle but it just turned into a wheeze as you erupted into a coughing fit. 

“Shh, relax, please...” Hermione begged, hating how your lips were startlingly more pale, she was sick to realize they were starting to take a bluish hue. Her finger searched your neck and pressed hard against your pulse. Your heartbeat was still noticeable but she had to choke down another wave of tears as she noticed it was slowing. “I’m here, Y/N, its me. Ron told me you asked for me,” Her tears fell on your cheeks and the sensation had you opening your eyes.

“Hermione,” You said with a happy sigh, like you had just realized she was beside you. Your hand flexed in her own and she gripped it tighter, hands smoothing your hair down in an attempt to keep you present. “Merlin, I’m so glad you’re okay,” You spoke again, smiling at her even if it looked more like a grimace as you shifted, something causing you discomfort. Hermione wasn’t sure she could handle knowing what pain you might be in right now.

“I’m fine Y/N, now we have to get you better,” She jumped in, with what she hoped was an optimistic smile. 

“I... I don’t think I’m gonna get better ‘Mione. But I couldn’t go without telling you, Harry is right I’m a coward,” You muttered. 

“Please, don’t talk just rest. Save your strength... You aren’t making any sense,” Her voice was getting panicked and you could feel her tears fall more steadily from her eyes and onto your cheeks. 

“No, I can’t. Please, listen,” You begged, hand reaching up to brush against her cheek, forcing her to look into your eyes and not at the unsteady rise and fall of your chest. “I have had so many regrets, especially when it came to you but I can’t die knowing that I never told you...” 

“You aren’t going to die!” She argued but you continued. 

“I-In fourth year, I said things to you that I hate myself for everyday. I was stupid and scared and I let it tear us apart. I told you I didn’t like you because-” You were cut off by another violent wheeze, lungs grasping for any air they could be filled with as you felt your life start to leave you. “-because Hermione Granger I love you more than anything. It terrified me and I knew you couldn’t feel the same so I ran away and I couldn’t regret it more now, I am so sorry. I will always love you,” 

“Y/N-” Hermione started but with great alarm found that your hand had gone slack in hers, your eyes unblinking up at her. “No, no, no!” She cried, hand pushing at your chest and ear going to your mouth as she waited for your warm breath. It never came. Her tears started up anew and a pained scream ripped its way from her throat as she lay on you. “You can’t leave! Not again,” She wailed as you grew colder with every passing moment. 

“I wish I could have told her I felt the same,” Hermione choked out as Ron and Harry found her, pulling her from your body that was no longer anything more than a shell. Your soul had moved on. “I wish she knew I loved her too,” 

You looked down from above as the brightest witch of her age sobbed into Ron’s chest. You were nothing but a soul floating in the great beyond but if you had a heart it would have ached for her. I know now, and that’s enough. You thought as you gazed at your friends and your love. 

It would take some time, but you wished she would be able to move on. The way Ron’s arms tightened around her, his own eyes puffy and red from loss and tears, you thought she just might be alright. 

[loverdrew]

My Everything

You’ve always been passive, to yourself, and a little bit naive, but what unfolds when he comes in and turns your whole world upside down?

“Mom! No more fidgeting, I have everything I need.” I loudly call to my mom from the bottom of the stairs, while she continues to disregard my statement and mumble to herself, checking off things on her list.

“Well it’s not everyday I’m sending you off to college for the first time. I’m just making sure you have more than enough while you’re there.” She says with a sign coming down the stairs.

“Trust me I’m fine, I have enough to last me until I’m graduated at this point. Besides, college is only 2 hours from here.” She nervously laughs then gestures her eyes up the stairs and yells.

“Mikey! Get down here we’re leaving!” My younger brother, 10, marches down the stairs with his gaming console in his hands, immersed in the game.

“Okay but I get shotgun.” He says without looking up. I ruffled his hair and snatched his game console, running to the car.

“You wish, you can get shotgun once I’m gone.” I tease him as he laughs then jumps into the backseat. Mikey and I have always been close, even with the 8 year age gap. He’s the first boy in my life that I really truly loved, after my dad passed away when I was just about to turn 2. I don’t have many memories or feelings of him sadly, but there is pictures that show he was loving and attentive, and my mom always told me he was. But then my mom met Kyle and had Mikey. My stepdad works at the college I’ll be attending, and since it’s 2 hours away he has an apartment that he stays at during the week so he can get to work easier, and usually spends weekends with us. He is a great man who loves our family, but I’ve been very upfront with the fact that he’s not my father. I grew up strong with just my mom, which is why I believe I’m strong-minded, and worked my ass of to get into the biology program at my school. I’m 1 out of 100 that were accepted into this specific clinical lab science program and I was more than excited. Nobody was going to stand in my way of achieving my dream.

About 2 hours later we arrived in front of the huge dorm building right on the edge of campus. Next to it was a cafe and a quick bite place, with kids already eating, saying hi, and moving in. It was hustling and it made me a little frazzled, but I just took a deep breathe and opened the door to the fresh air. Mikey had finally put down his game to help us carry all these boxes and bags into the building. I was on the first floor which was nice because we didn’t have to wait for the elevator which was super packed and had a long line waiting, and I quickly found my room: 105. I opened the door to find a girl and a boy around my age unpacking the girls belongings onto her desk, a photo of them two framed already placed on the windowsill. She smiled at all 3 of us.

“Hi. You’re Y/N! I’m Mara, also in the clinical lab science program, yeah, they decided to place all of us together since there’s only 100 of us. But it’s nice to meet you! This is my boyfriend, Logan.” I shook his hand and asked, “Also clinical science major?”

He laughed, “No. I’m not as smart as this cookie. I’m a criminal justice major.”

“Impressive.” 

“So do you guys need any help?” She asked nicely. I saw all the things she still needed to unpack so I quickly denied, seeing as I don’t live too far away so I didn’t bring too much stuff. 

“No we’re fine honestly. Probably 3 or 4 more bins of things in the car.”

“No worries. We’re going to head down to go get some food on campus so if you come back and need us, I left my number on your desk. Just text me if you need me!” I glanced over and saw the blue sticky note and nodded saying thank you.

We managed to get everything in my dorm, and soon after, I was walking my mom and brother out to the car to say our goodbyes. I probably would’ve been going home soon, but it was still strange in my heart that I wouldn’t be driving back with them. 

“Now, I gave Kyle your schedule and he said to contact him for anything like even if it’s asking where a bathroom is.” I laughed and then hugged her so tight.

“It’s going to be different without you at home, but don’t worry about me.” She said sincerely. I was always worried about my mom. She did everything she could to raise two kids practically on her own, and now one is away and I know she would be freaking out every now and then. But I made a promise that nothing would get in my way of graduating and aceing my classes. It would be my gift to my mom, showing her she did right by her first born. 

I looked to my brother and bent forward to reach his height level and looked at him. I could tell he didn’t want to cry or look sad, but he was my best friend, I could see it a mile away.

“You gonna be alright Mikey?”

“I mean, I’m going into middle school. What am I going to do without my big sister to guide me?” 

“Hey, I’m going into a new school too with more people than I ever imagined. We’re going to get through it together at the same time. I got you and you got me.” We did our secret little handshake that always made my mom laugh, and hugged tightly. Before I knew it, they were driving off, leaving me, myself and I.

The Next Day

Mara and I got into our first class together, a GE English class, at around 9 am. It was a huge lecture hall fitting maybe 150 students. We decided to sit kind of close but not front row, just enough to see and hear the professor. We’re sitting and talking, looking at all of the new people in our class just to get a vibe of the class, and in comes in someone who in my opinion looked so out of place. It was a tall man with wavy dark brown hair, pouty lips, and a black t-shirt with black ripped jeans with his backpack over one shoulder. Everyone coming in looked so enthusiastic to learn, but he looked like he didn’t even want to be there. I get it it’s kind of early in the morning for an English class, but maybe he could’ve chosen another class to take instead of this one. 

Mara leaned over and whispered, “That’s Shawn Mendes.” with a smirk. 

“Why you smirking at me?” I laughed.

“He’s a good looking dude, I don’t blame you for staring.”

“He looks so out of place that’s the thing, like he doesn’t even want to be here.”

“Probably doesn’t, his daddy probably put him in this class.” She said it so nonchalant.

“What do you mean?”

“Logan knows Shawn, they’re friends with the same group of people. He’s a sophomore, and his dad is the dean of the college. From what Logan tells me Shawn is forced to be in school to keep him out of trouble.”

“What kind of trouble could he get into?” I whisper to myself, just getting lost in his smooth skin and perfectly flowing waves of hair. 

“Partying, being defiant, fighting. It seems any chance he gets to be in trouble, he takes it.” As she’s telling me this, he turns his head and catches my gaze, staring back at me with dark eyes that I could tell were not as broken as she talked him up to be. He interested me for some reason and not just because he was gorgeous, but because it seemed he had more to tell that what most people knew. A few seconds later our teacher started the class, introducing herself and going over the syllabus.

We left class at 10 am. Mara had a gap until noon but I had another lecture at 11:00 am which was my first biology lecture. I wanted to stay on campus, maybe get breakfast and walk around the huge beautiful stone buildings. I grabbed a small coffee and began my walk to the next building I have class in, when I was stopped by a deep voice next to me. 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you talking about me with your friend in class.” I pause, and slowly turn around, dreading the face that is connected with the voice (because damn even his voice is hot too). He was seated on a stone bench writing in a black notebook, not even looking up at me.

“You talking to me?”

“Who else? I do have ears and was sitting in the row next to you, your friend may have told you I was dumb but I’m aware of my surroundings.” He finally looked up at me with the most unamused facial expression.

“So that way you’re always ready for a fight right?” I cocked my head at him.

“Unlike you who is completely oblivious.” He walked up to me, his 6′1 body towering over my 5′3 body, but I didn’t back down. 

“You don’t know anything about me.” He stood still, which scared me and looked like he was thinking of the next words he was about to say. 

“You’re Y/N, you’re a freshman that lives about 2 hours away, you’re a biology major in the clinical science program which is very impressive, you drink coffee with too much cream it’s almost white, you love reading romance novels, and you only sing in the shower even though your voice is good enough to be on The Voice. Need I go on?” I was choked up and almost scared by how much he knew about my secret life. I stepped back and started to walk away but he caught up to me to say one more sentence that stung.

“Don’t think I don’t know who your stepdad is.”

Like, reblog, comment for part 2! ♡

[eutaerpe]

venus and mars

pairing — jimin x reader

genre/warnings — fluff, idolverse, boyfriend au, a wild (brat) jungkook appears, sleep deprived maknae line

notes  — hi!!! this is part of a small series of disconnected drabbles/blurbs centered on jimin, who is not my bias wrecker,,.......aha........yeah. unedited so sorry for my mistakes, this was written when i was sleep deprived.......aha......!!! i’ll link in the future the venus and mars moodboard, as tumblr still fucks up posts with links :( hope you like this!!! send me thoughts?? or love? wait no i’m proving a point i’m not jimin ♥︎

summary  — “He’s gone.”

“Good,” you hum contently, “Now you can talk dirty to me.”

“You literally mentioned chocolate bunnies and serial killers earlier, babe.”

“Oooh, yes, more,” you moan playfully, cuddling your pillow. “Park Jimin. Chef kiss. The man you are today.” 

Sometimes releasing an album it’s exhausting.

Jimin knows that.

It’s indefinitely cooler dropping hints to your fans and making them believe it’s a mind-blowing journey where you write lyrics everyday and produce sounds in thirty minutes tops. Like they’ve always been there, like they’ve been in your mind the whole time and you just had to politely ask them to come out and materialize themselves.

Most of the time, it’s just people in a room. Nodding to whatever is happening in their Macs, moving their hands in the air, following a certain rhythm one day thousands of people will know. Sometimes, instead, it’s all quiet, if he’s lucky; there’s only a reigning peace towering the leather couches and armchairs where people are sprawled on.

Right now, the silence’s broken by the small sounds his phone is making. The truth is that he’s gently forcing everyone to listen to his tracks.

He has been holding his phone and earbuds for the past forty-three minutes, crouching on his knees next to the person he needed the approval of. It’s a tad embarrassing, and people mostly thinks he does this in order to fulfil his praise kink, but. They’re not totally wrong.

He just really, desperately needs approval.

“It’s nice,” Namjoon says, and Jimin feels a rush of excitement spreading into his body. Namjoon doesn’t lie. Namjoon likes telling the truth, whether it’s a rushed “I don’t like it, I feel like you could do a lot better” or a warmer “I like this vibe. Keep working on this.”

Getting the members’ approval is one of the moments he shields the most in his heart, along with private, quick moments fans can’t see taking place. There’s a lot of congratulations behind the stage, a lot of hugging that can’t happen because of all the styling and make-up, lots of texts read by the managers out loud, declaring things like “you’ve really outdone yourselves” and “keep that going”, which never fail to make Jimin warm.

Though the hastiness of it all is somewhat frightening. There are people crowding the streets and stadiums and everywhere they go—for them, Jimin thinks, it’s heavier. The tickets fever, waiting outside for hours, shifting their bodies into difficult positions, outside buildings for so long just to see their smiles flashing for thirty seconds.

It’s unnerving.

Fans do so much and they—they jump into their cars, rapidly seeing the fans becoming dots into the distance. In a millisecond. Jimin hates that.

It’s past four am, his rushed recording has gotten almost everyone’s approval – not Jungkook’s, though; the Brat has decided that his work needs more backup vocals and a lot heavier hook, and drums or other weird, loud instruments – and this result alone should be relaxing, or. Exciting, he supposes. This should result in a definitely warmer feeling aimed to push him to work harder, as stuff like this usually does, but this time feels different. This time it’s – nonsense, an unknown frigid state of anxiety that he cannot calm down.

Dorm life feels suffocating now, because Seokjin is in the studio, Namjoon is distantly working to lyrics and Hoseok has disappeared ever since he announced he’d be working for a diverse track, loud and crazy and depictive of their pent-up energy.

Anxious Jimin knows talking helps, but Rational Jimin argues that the only voice he’d want to hear, now, is not available, so what’s the point?

You’re resting.

Aha. What a feeling. What an unconceivable, strange action he was used to when he was younger.

Still, you’re resting. Closing your eyelids for more than thirty-six seconds on a working day. Sleeping.

Like every other normal human being at four am.

He groans, unblocking his phone and instantly drowning in his oversized hoodie, his left hand barely making an appearance in the cold hair.

He shouldn’t, he reckons, but you have always told Jimin he shouldn’t think, and moreover, he shouldn’t listen to his self-destructive thoughts when hungry or sleep-deprived.

So, ding, ding, ding! He excels in non-proper thinking when sleep deprived – and he’s always sleep deprived, so. Ten thousand points to Gryffindor, as Seokjin-hyung would say.

Jungkook mutters a “Gotta pee,” exiting the room and leaving Jimin alone in the living room. You’re not picking up. That’s okay, that’s fine, he should really stop bothering you—

“Hey, Chim,”

It’s the softest voice he has ever heard in his twenty-three years of life. God. You could punch him in the gut, and he’d thank you.

“Is…” – you’re shuffling in bed, and he can picture you passing a hand over your closed eyes – “Is everything okay?”

Jimin licks his lips, feeling his tiredness embracing him. “Yeah, sorry I woke you up…”

“Mhm.” You breathe out. “Nonsense.”

He hears you sitting on your bed, yawning. “Have you showed the others your recording?”, you ask, because you’re perfect like this. Jimin instantly feels guilty for this random night call.

“The hyungs liked it,” he murmurs, voice low, “I’ll show you tomorrow, if you want to?”

“Please. It’s not like I’ve been begging you to for the past week, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the main reason why I’m avoiding you.”

You groan, making him smile. “Don’t joke about it, jerk. We miss you.”

“We?”

“My bed? Me? Mostly the bed, though?”

The idiot snorts. “Cocky, aren’t we?”

But you do love this idiot. “Not joking. I’ve been hearing stuff from these sheets. ‘Been missing your non-existent tattoo.”

“Sounds logic.” Jimin hums, and that’s all you need to hear to know he’s feeling better than seconds ago.

“Babe,” you start, tongue rolling on the back of your mouth, “What I’m about to say is not gonna make a lot of sense because a minute ago I was dreaming about chocolate bunnies and serial killers, but. You know I miss you, right? But then again, you know this, and you know that I love you.”

Jungkook plops on the couch and starts scrolling on what Jimin assumes is his secret twitter account. Stan account, according to the sources. (Taehyung and Seokjin are his sources, thank you very much). When the younger turns around and catches him staring, Jimin all but attempts a smile—promptly cut by the cushion Guk throws him.

Jimin sighs. They grow up so fast.

“I know you. I know that if there’s someone who can go through these hard few days, it’s you and the guys. In a couple weeks you’re going to think about this day and laugh because it sounds like the plot of an indie, overrated movie. You can do it. I know you do.”

He loves you so much he could cry, but he decides against it. Instead, he says: “You’re like my energizer drink, you know?”

To which Jungkook and you both answer with a disinterested, “Ew, disgusting.”

The things your boyfriend says when sleepy. Gosh.

“Why the fuck is noona still dating you?” – Jungkook prorupts loudly enough that you hear, voice painted with curiosity – “You’re weird, hyung.”

“It’s definitely because of your dick—”

“She says I’m a kind soul.”

“—Dicking game’s so good I might forget you just called me a sweetened drink.”

“And buy her expensive stuff.”

Jungkook feigns a shocked face. “So, you’re her sugar daddy? Noona, I have an apartment. For myself.”

“Don’t hit on my girl right in front of me, kid.”

You erupt into a fit of giggles. “Oh my god, when did Guk become so annoying? I love him. Can we adopt him?”

“Too bad,” he says aloud, trying not to smile, “Too bad we’ve already adopted him as our group’s mascot, babe. He’s not an obedient child, though.”

The “Fuck off,” Jungkook sputters is enough for making you laugh so hard he doesn’t have it in himself to stop you because you’re so loud you could wake Tae, asleep on the kitchen counter.

This—this moment right here, is what Jimin loves most about his life. Besides performing and laughing because Jungkook called him a small pepper once again – the audacity – and other vague, members-related facts. You calm him, and love him, and listen to whatever thing he has on his mind.

“He’s gone.”

“Good,” you hum contently, “Now you can talk dirty to me.”

“You literally mentioned chocolate bunnies and serial killers earlier, babe.”

“Oooh, yes, more,” you moan playfully, cuddling your pillow. “Park Jimin. Chef kiss. The man you are today.”

“I can’t believe you just said that out loud.”

“Yeah, me neither. Guess one of us really needs to sleep and, shockingly, that’s not you?”

“I know,” – Jimin assures, closing his eyes – “Pretty sure this is another of your strange dreams, weirdo.”

You’re drifting off, and it’s the cutest thing Jimin has ever witnessed. “Kiss Guk goodnight. And…” a yawn, “Call me again in a couple hours, I really want to know what you’re working on, baby.”

“That can do,” he says, softly. “Love you.”

But he doesn’t hear you saying it back to him.

Only Taehyung muttering a soft “Nobody ever kisses me goodnight.”, half dead, half pouted, which makes Jimin smile like an idiot.

[collecting-stories]

PT 5 | Modern!Ivar

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

There was nothing that could have possibly made this visit worse. Since moving out to go to college Ivar had taken full control of his medical needs. He took himself to his own doctor’s appointments, physical therapy, and anything else that he required. It wasn’t something he had really considered important until he moved out and had some level of freedom. Now he couldn’t imagine not being able to navigate his own medical care, though he didn’t have to imagine it for too long. With Aslaug visiting before the holiday he was forced to bring her to the last of his doctor’s appointments before he was able to go home for Christmas.  

“You don’t need to be here,” Ivar stated for the hundredth time as he sat in the exam room waiting for the first of the onslaught to come through the door. Clinic visits were the worst in his opinion, only because it was a barrage of nurses, therapists, doctors, social workers, and nutritionists. All with the best intention and all determined to get Ivar to do things he didn’t want to do. Like join support groups or consider learning more everyday skills like cooking.  

“I haven’t been to a doctor’s appointment with you in almost a year Ivar, indulge me just this once.” Aslaug requested, setting her bag down on the chair beside her and pulling out her notepad and pen. His mother was nothing if not obsessed with taking notes during these appointments, in case she needed to dig up some obscure suggestion from years prior to nag him about. If only he’d learned to peddle that stupid hand bike when he was eleven, then he would be more social surely.  

Before he could argue further with her a knock came at the closed door. It opened a crack and Ivar felt his stomach flip in anxiousness as you appeared in the entryway. “Hey, just thought I’d come in first before the parade begins.” As you walked fully into the exam room you caught sight of Ivar’s mother, sitting there appraising you. “Hi, you must be Mrs. Ragnarsson, I’m Ivar’s physical therapist.”  

“Nice to meet you. I told my husband that everyone just keeps getting younger and younger when I go to the doctor’s.” She noted, jotting down your name in her notepad.

“That’s true,” you brushed off the jab, “I actually shadowed Ivar’s old therapist last year, so we’re a bit familiar with each other.”  

“Oh I so loved her, she was a wonderful lady.”

“She was.” You nodded and turned your attention to your boyfriend, who looked very much like he wanted to sink into the floor. “So, I’m just going to do basic measurements. I’d usually stay longer but I’ve got a few other patients in before the holiday.”

“So no goals to discuss for after break?” Aslaug asked. She watched as you sat down on the stool and rolled it over to her son’s chair.  

“Well I just had Ivar in yesterday for therapy, I can email you my chart if you’d like to see what gameplan we made for the coming year. As Ivar knows I’m stepping into a more pediatric position after the end of next year. I’ll be taking on more cases that focus on younger kids and some of the older patients will be transitioning into the adult hospital.” You replied, trying to focus on your work as you spoke.  

It had been over chinese food, after Ivar told you he loved you and he wanted you to spend the holiday with him that you broke the news about your shift in job positions. It was a blessing really, and though he wasn’t thrilled with the idea of getting used to a new therapist in a years time he knew that you not being his PT anymore meant that you could openly date him. Something you reassured him you had taken into consideration when you accepted the job offer. You also didn’t miss the opportunity to point out that working with kids would mean working with people who were actually nice to you and did what you asked.  

“I always do what you ask.”

“Rarely.” You pointed out, “Almost only on Fridays.”

“Last Wednesday I did that stupid leg exercise and practiced transitioning myself down on the floor and back into my chair.” He pointed out.

“Yeah but you only agreed to the last one to show off.” You retorted.

“Maybe.” Ivar grinned, knowing it was true. He couldn’t deny that knowing you were physically attracted to him was always a massive ego boost and he definitely enjoyed the little grin you always had watching him doing anything physical.  

The exam room door opened to let in both the social worker and the nutritionist, breaking Ivar’s train of thought. You stood up and moved over to the computer, typing some notes into his chart before reading back his measurements to Aslaug so she could track them herself. The nutritionist started in on him immediately, commenting on his weight from the morning.  

Ivar watched you typing as he spoke, annoyed that his mom had insisted on coming with him this morning. You had done measurements yesterday during therapy and he knew you had come in first in hopes of spending a little bit of time with him before the two of you left for the holiday in a couple of days. Now that had been interrupted by his mother and he wouldn’t get any time alone with you aside from the drive to and from his family home. Until then you and he were both busy and once the holiday started it would be a crammed house of relatives for one long and tortuous weekend that Ivar was growing to regret more and more.  

“Well I’m all done, I’ll get out of your hair.” You announced, patting Ivar’s arm as you walked passed him to the door. “It was nice to meet you Mrs. Ragnarsson.”  

“You as well.” Ivar’s mother said, offering you less than a glance as you left the room.  

Ivar slumped a bit in his chair, leaning against the backrest more than he usually would as he listened to his mother discuss diet options that would be healthy while he was living in a dorm. He wouldn’t have minded wheeling out after you and spending the rest of the day anywhere but here. Or better yet if he could rewind to last night when he was over your apartment for dinner and he didn’t have to worry about stupid diets or how far his leg could unbend.  

His phone buzzed in his sweatshirt pocket. A message from you, that one of your patients had canceled and you could leave early if he wanted to do something for dinner. Ivar quickly texted back.  

-What would be for dinner?-

-Greek? Why are you gonna out with your other girlfriend if you don’t like the food?-

-I don’t have another girlfriend-  

-I bet you say that to all your girlfriends-

-😒-

-So I guess you haven’t mentioned the dating to your mom-

-Not yet. I will-

-Before I arrive at her house for Christmas?-

“Ivar are you paying attention?” Aslaug asked, leaning forward to nudge her son’s elbow.  

“There isn’t anything to pay attention to, we’re just sitting here waiting for the doctor to come in.” Ivar replied, “and once he does it’ll be the same thing it always is. He’ll read all the stuff the nurse already asked and noted and then tell me I’m looking good and to keep up the good work and then we’ll leave.”  

“This is very important Ivar. Your health is something you should take seriously.”

“I am.” He argued.

“Not when I’m doing all the talking and you’re texting away on your phone. That might’ve been fine when you were a kid but you’re an adult now Ivar. You need to pay attention and listen and respond.” She commented, leaning back in her chair.  

“Yes mother.” Ivar grumbled, knowing he would get nowhere with her. He sent one last text to you, promising he would talk to his mom. He wanted to but she was already getting on his last nerve with her nitpicking and he couldn’t imagine how she would take the news of him dating. Especially him dating his physical therapist. He could already picture how that conversation would go.  

“When the doctor is in I want to talk to him about you getting involved in more social activities. I worry about you being all alone.” Aslaug mentioned, picking up right where she had left off that morning when she told him that he needed more friends.  

Taglist: @breathlesssouls @lif3snotouttogetyou @demonhunter1616 @flowers-in-your-hayr @alwaysadreamingoptimist @ms-allenbrown  @arses21434 @glopsifum @aelfenpath @moose-squirrel-asstiel @vikingalexthedane @another-life-addict @born-in-19-96 @naaladareia @mysticthinking @artanakin @thats-so-rhyan  @spotted-possibilities @wallabiewisher @thinkingsofamadwoman @mixedwiththemoon @titty-teetee  @queenmissfit @marvelismylifffe @iluvmesomemarvelndc @filthyshieldmaiden @mblaqgi @glopsifum @ilvebeenabad @artanakin @noaor @hanbinwsrt 

[akianee]

[MCLUL] Episode 11 Ending - NathanielxCandy

Hello everyone! I must admit that I really enjoyed ep.11 of MCLUL. The writing wasn’t that bad and we finally got Nath’s arc so... I have nothing to complain about. BUT... at the same time I just needed to rewrite the ending of Nath’s route... I just needed it. It is nothing new, just a rewrite with some changed dialogues. I hope you enjoy it! And I am really sorry about possible mistakes, English is not my native language :)

Also this story includes my Candy. Her name is Valerie and she is a short blonde girl. 

Fandom: MCL (UL)

Words: 2883

Summation: Valerie rejects Castiel’s offer and comes back to her dorm. She does not know that there is someone waiting for her. (spoilers for ep. 11 included)

“No.” my voice was surprisingly calm. “I am not spending the night with you, Castiel. Not today, not ever.”

I rise up from the couch making his hand, which was stroking my arm just a moment ago, fall onto the seat. He seems a little surprised but says nothing.

I am not angry at him for suggesting me one night stand. We are grown ups, we both are single and there is nothing wrong with things like that. But at the same time… It just felt disrespectful. Like he sees me as one of his groupies who would give everything just to hook up with him. I am not that girl.

Besides we are friends. And I think it would really affect our relationship in not a good way.

There was also a third thing… He wasn’t a person I would like to give my body to. It's not beside him that I want to wake up in the morning. It's not his hands that I want to stroke my skin. It's not his lips that I want to kiss.

“I am your friend, for God’s sake.” I mumble as I try to put on my heels. Why did I chose these pumps a few hours ago when I was completing the outfit? Those with many stripes, difficult to put on? Guess I didn’t know I would have to put them on in such a hurry. “I am not a one night stand. Especially not for you.”

Finally, when I have my shoes on, I reach for a purse. My hands are a little shaky and I feel a bump forming in my throat. I have to get out of here.

“You don’t have to be so annoyed.” he hisses. “I offered something and you did not agree. No big deal.”

I look at him with eyes full of shock. All evening he has been acting strange but now… He is not the Castiel I know. From what I remember he takes relationships very seriously. All of them. And at present he acts like he doesn’t care at all.

Well, maybe he needs a distraction from his fame, groupies and all that stuff. Maybe he is just tired of this and wants a relief. But I am not going to allow him treat me this way.

“Goodnight, Cass.” I try to stay good-tempered. I’ve had enough fights and misunderstandings within last week so now I’d rather avoid any.

Without waiting for his response I run out of the apartment and immediately go to the elevator. My heart is pounding and legs are shaking. It is too late to have any physical activity so my body is opposed to running.

Last week was one of the most fucked up in my entire life. I was on a date with Nathaniel and we kissed. Rosa experienced a great tragedy. I practically poured more tears than ever before previous sunday. Than Nath threw me out of his life. Again. And now Castiel wanted to sleep with me.

Can someone explain to me what the hell is going on? Because I am starting to lose my mind.

Unfortunately, it's very cold outside, and I'm wearing only a short club dress. My mother would probably kill me if she saw me without any jacket in such weather. So I’m kind of lucky parents live in a town few hundred kilometers away.

At this time, the streets are almost deserted. The only person I see is an old man walking his dog out. A strange hour to do that but it’s not my business. Calmly, but quickly I pass the cafe where I work. For a moment I look at my reflection in the window pane.

Blond curls, over which I spent almost an hour, now are almost straight. I see a few tangles in the bottom part of my hair, but because it is like this everyday, I do not care. Fortunately, my make-up is almost intact. Lipstick survived the few drinks I drank all night and mascara did not smudge under the influence of sweat. Even my eyeshadow is in place, still as shimmery as it was this afternoon.

I look good. Beautiful purple dress hugs my body in a nice way and high heels give the impression of lengthening my legs.

But what if I look like this if nobody appreciates it?

Well, Castiel did.

I bite my lower lip thinking about his offer. Maybe I should have stayed. He said I looked beautiful and he was the only one to do that this evening. It wasn’t Nathaniel, but Castiel.

Shaking me head I walk towards the campus. I can’t think that way. It will destroy me.

I run the distance between gate and the dorm. It is too cold outside and I prefer to get tired rather than freeze. My feet hurt and my whole body begs me to rest. The only thing I want now is to slip into bed and fall asleep hoping tomorrow will be better.

The dorm building welcomes me with warmth and a familiar smell of window cleaner. Immediately I feel my muscles relax slightly. I could say a lot about this place, but it has been my home for a few months now, so I'm always happy to come back here. When I finally reach my floor, I notice someone sitting right next to door to my room.

More surprises today? Great.

“Nath?” a raspy voice leaves my throat when I come closer and am able to recognize that person. My heart stops for a second as he gets up and scans my body with his golden eyes. He seems tired and I start to wonder how long he has been sitting there… “What are you doing here?”

“Valerie. I was waiting for you. I-I wanted to see you.” he says quietly while putting his hands into the pockets of light jeans. “Your roommate said you had gone out. She was leaving and she refused to let me wait for you inside.”

I steady my breath as I approach the door with the intention of opening them. Keys must be somewhere in my purse but I have a difficulty trying to find them. Nath watches my every move and I have to really control myself. Otherwise I would probably break down in the middle of this corridor.

He wanted to see me. Heat pours out in my chest at the very thought of words that he said just now. But I cannot give in to him so easily. He hurt me. He threw me out of his life. I can’t just throw myself in his arms just because he came to my dorm.

“Well, I’m glad to see you.” I mutter with a small grin in spite of my thoughts. But still I don’t look at him.

“Really?” shock in his voice mixes with joy which makes me smile even wider. “I surely don’t deserve that smile.”

“You’re right. You do not deserve it.” with one hand searching the purse and the other holding the handle, I send him a quick look. “Look, I don’t know why you came, but I for one, am going to bed.”

Finally, I manage to grasp the keys and take them out from this bottomless abyss. I definitely need to get a bag with compartments.

“Wait, Val, please.” Nathaniel grabs my forearm, but only for a few seconds. When I raise my head to look at him, he pulls back his hand and makes an apologetic face. “Please. I screwed up. I really did. I should have never done what I did. I should have never said what I said.” he moves even closer to me. Although I have heels on, I have to hold my head up to be able to look at his face. “Last Saturday… our date… I haven’t been as happy and carefree for a long time. The last time was probably with you, before you moved away.”

Something in my stomach flips and I feel my legs shaking again. I wasn’t ready for confessions like that. I try to stuck key in the lock without looking at it but I have to admit, I’m terrible at it.

“Nath…”

“I wish all my Saturdays could be like that one. If only I could, I’d be here in front of your door every night.” he takes a deep breath and then goes on. “I want all my weekend belong to you. I want you.”

Dealing with emotions has never been my strong point. I always feel everything twice as hard as others. But now I have the impression that everything that I have been experiencing the last few years has suddenly fallen on my head. I feel how remnants of self-control slowly leave me. Added to this was Nathaniel's suffering and my tiredness. I was almost like a ticking bomb ready to explode.  

But I had to be strong.

“I-I can’t, Nath.” I slowly turn my face away from him to finally open the door to my room. “I am not doing this again. You come back now and you are gonna leave… tomorrow? Or in a week? I am not playing this game. It hurts too much.” my voice turns into a whisper and I don’t know if it’s because of sadness or tiredness or both.

“That won’t happen again.”

“Oh, really? Last time you were so certain that we cannot see each other. What has changed?”

I push the door open, but I do not make any step. This conversation is not over yet.

“It wasn’t my decision.”  his response causes a shudder to pass along my spine. “Someone forced me to.”

“What? Meaning?”

“Val… I can’t--”

“You can’t explain, of course.” I interrupt him sick of this bullshit. “That is exactly why I cannot continue either. Goodnight, Nathaniel.”

Before I manage to enter the room, Nathaniel grabs my shoulders and turns me away sharply. The pain is very visible on his face. I can see how much he fights with himself inside.

“I worked for a huge drug cartel and now they are out to get me.” he says on one exhale still holding me. His skin is warm compared to mine and it makes me feel a bit better. “They are really awful people and they are threatening me.”

A few months I waited for him to finally reveal the truth about his actions. And now, when he does it, it sounds so unlikely that the only thing I can do is look at him with big eyes.

“Do not… Do not bullshit me, Nath. It’s a bit much for me to believe.”

“But it’s true. I screwed up so many times. All these years I made only wrong choices. And now I am worried they will come after people that I care about. After Amber. Or after you. That’s why I pushed you back. Do you really think I want them to be able to use you against me? To hurt you?”

Nathaniel starts rubbing his hands over my naked frozen shoulders. I do not know if he's doing it to make me feel better, or to make himself feel better.

“I don’t know… I don’t know what to say. It just sounds so… unbelievable.”

“When you came back, when I saw you that night in the alley I… I-I remembered that there are people in this world for whom I want to try and be better. But it was too late. Much too late.”

He flings himself to the floor, wrapping his arms around my waist. I feel how his body shakes under the influence of emotions. Tears well up in my eyes.

“Oh God…” I whisper putting one hand in his hair and the other massaging his arm. That is something he used to do to me when I was shattered inside. Maybe it would help him.

“Please. Please let me tell you everything” his voice is muffled by the fabric of my dress, but nevertheless I am able to understand him perfectly.

“Okay, Nath, get up.” I try to help him stand up. “Come inside. We will talk.” I make that decision in a fraction of a second.

He follows me into my room. We do not make eye contact, because if we did, we would both cry.

I take off my heels and throw them into the corner between wardrobe and a wall. My feet are happy to welcome soft carpet and only now do I really feel how frozen and sore they are. Nathaniel closes the door while I put my purse on my desk and then lean on a piece of furniture with my hands crossed on my chest. We are about two meters apart, but I can still feel his cologne and the warmth of his body.

“So…” I say quietly. “Tell me everything.”

And he does.

He tells me about how he got into all this years ago. About how he thought he was smarter, but they really outraged him. He also mentions his parents and quarrels and lack of money. Everything that he says arouses great anxiety in me.

I feel guilty for leaving him. And even if I could not stay, I feel that I could try harder. For him.

Then he says something about his tasks in the cartel and how much they paid him for it. About what he did not to prey on poor people buying these drugs. Inside, I was proud of him, that even in this situation he wanted to do something better than just sitting and watching.

Of course, my first thought is the police, but Nathaniel quickly rejects it. He has his reasons for that. His sister knows everything, and if he goes down, he'll take her with him. Maybe I do not fully understand that, but I try to.

Everything that he says makes my head spin and tears spill down my cheeks. I’m still on my feet only because I lean on the desk. I try to wipe tears so that Nath will not notice them, but judging by his sad eyes I think he did notice a moment ago.

“I'll go now. I do not want to bother you anymore.” he says turning to the door.

“Wait.” I take a few small steps towards him, slowly and calmly. I try not to fall. He turns back to me. “Why did you come here today?”

He takes a deep breath.

“Because I realised you were the only person who made me want to get myself out of this mess. I went home, convinced I had made the right decision, but… Then I perceived that I did not want to live like that.”

“Meaning?”

“Away from you. I could not see you. Talk to you. Make you laugh. You reminded me what it was like to feel carefree. To not worry about anything, for a second, long enough for a kiss.” slight blush appears on his face. And I am probably all red already. “You give me the strength. Like you used to. And I really hope, that this time you won’t let me leave…”

“And I hope you won’t ever leave again.”

“I have nothing to hide anymore.”

“So you won’t ever leave again?” my voice seems higher than usual.

Unexpectedly, Nathaniel takes me in his arms, pressing me strongly against his chest. I embrace his waist and press my head to the place where I hear his heart beat.

“Do you want me?” this question sounds almost bizarre coming from his mouth.

“Yes.” I reply. “And do you want me?”

“Aren’t you afraid of me? Of what I do?” his answering question with a question does not surprise me at all.

‘Well, no.” how could I be afraid of the only person who is so significant to me? “Aren’t you afraid of getting involved in this relationship?”

“I really care about you. You are important to me. I will do everything… anything to protect you. And us.”

I smile broadly at his words. I have wanted to hear them for so long now.

I lift my head up and step on my toes to kiss him. Everything seems to disappear. There is only me, him and the sense of security that I feel while being in his arms. This kiss is slow, passionate and expresses more than any words can. With every move of our lips, he draws me closer and closer. As if he was afraid that I would run away or disappear. But I am not going anywhere and I want to show him that.

So I kiss him until I lose my breath, and when in the end we both have to split up to get some air, I rest my head on his chest. Nathaniel leaves a quick peck on my hair. I feel his warm breath on my skin when he leans over and leaves another kiss next to my ear. I giggle quietly.

We sit on my bed. I don't even think about changing or removing makeup. The next two hours pass us by talking, kissing and laughing and when fatigue begins to take control over me, Nath takes me in his arms again. I fall asleep almost immediately.

[nocancer]

Tryna by Cancer moon

Before Young T went to bed he poured a glass of water and looked out the kitchen window to his backyard and noted how the snow made 3:00 A.M. look like 6:00 P.M.. Only difference being that if he stepped outside with his glass of water to the seeming twilight he wouldn’t be able to hear the rush-hour traffic like he usually could if it was Friday and 6:00 P.M.. Young T didn’t bother going outside because the snow was still falling a little and it’d be there when he woke up. And the neighborhood would still be silent, as it always was.

Young T woke up and his fan was still humming its white noise which he needed to sleep at night even though it was January and his dad was reluctant to leave the heat on over night. The small fan sat on his dresser and was pointed away from his bed towards his window which emitted a sharper and more blinding afternoon light than what he was used to. He checked his phone for the time, it was about noon - about the time where his parents bedroom door would open and their TV would blast the local news and his persian cat, Jo Jo, would meow at his door from which would force him out of bed to open the door so Jo Jo could jump up on his bed to sleep on his pillow from which he would either start his day or keep doing nothing. This time he laid back down, idly on his bed, with the covers pulled over his head to lessen the effects of his slight cat allergy. Jo Jo had a flat face and was grey and fat, and he occupied the entire pillow. Young T thought of how he wanted to trade lives with Jo Jo.

Young T couldn’t fall back to sleep, so he looked at his phone. He bireifly looked at worldstarhiphop, Twitter, then Instagram.

Then he went to bed with a head ache and woke up in college.

9/27/17 wednesday

Tycho: excuse me, hey, getting along just fine, I see? Yolandra: hey, and yeah, sort of, just studying, whats going on with you T: Nothing, the usual, i guess, being responsible, trying not to offend anyone. Y: Oh but you're so innocent. If anyone's offended its on them, not you. T: But my presence alone, I dont know, like I'm out of place or something. And I just want to tell people,  Yeah, so, I know how strange it is, me being here and all. Y: You're a free spirit amongst prisoners. That was my favorite part about getting to know you.

Tycho: After all these years, not for a second did i think you were right for me. And thats why i liked you. Cus I'm crazy. Yolandra: thats okay? what do you mean?, i want to get inside your head again. T: [pause] Most people wouldnt understand. Y: Don't be too cool for school. Im not most people. If I knew what was good for me, I'd have cut ties with you a long time ago. But im a crazy bitch too. Havent you realized? T: Yes. Youre highly psychic when it comes to "free spirits" like me - and you, though maybe, "lost soul" would be a better term for me. Though I dont mind being lost. It keeps things interesting.   Anyway, you should spend your energy on solving world hunger than worrying about me. Y: dont be so difficult. catching vibes isnt easy you know? coming for your type. Who knows, maybe youre worth it. Tycho: well, your the first to try me like this. im mysterious for a reason. Yolandra: And do you know why exactly? T: Thats for me to decide. Y: It's so damn frustrating. But I guess some things are better left unsaid. T: Most people wouldnt understand that, what youre saying. Indescribable feelings we know happened but fall short in explaining. That sort of thing. Y: I call those. "You had to be there" moments. Tycho: Honestly i never gave up on you, only myself, thinking you were different from my dream girl.   it took months for me to realize that but when i did the only thing i wanted to do was forget i ever met you. Yolandra: than what? T: the rest of these simple people that surround us, they see in a way thats opposite of what i am. Y: how convenient it must be. to blame your problems on people you dont even know. and just say "fuck it." I envy you. T: just my luck haha. of being born into myself, my personality forgive me, i dont mean to be such a downer. thats my ego talking Y: you had to be there T: where? Y: in my memories. T: it matters that much to you? Y: if I could find you in a crowd, just to say something, anything, even if i have to scream it in your ear,  then you'd know how much it means to me. Tycho: I'll be waiting for you to say hola.

9/30/17 saturday In the midst of an obnoxious trap beat I remember what my grandpa used to tell me. It's the harsh realities of life that stick with us the most. A dream is only a dream until you make it come true. Never hit a women no exceptions." He would say to a 7 year old me. Now I wish I had the balls back then to tell him that his strict army ass probably never had a dream that went beyond what he already knew. Like revisiting the same shitty cloud of meaningless thoughts every night till you reincarnate into someone who revisits a slightly less shitty cloud over and over until they become someone like me, who lives on the cloud everyone strives to be, forgetting those elvish looking folks of the below who never leave the house except to get groceries. There's comes a point in life where you just gotta be honest with yourself, and say hey, i just dont match the freqeuncy anymore. It's okay. I can still pretend like that one MGMT song, but im fading away. Fuck. I get naseous and imagine a cop coming around the corner which kills my vibe for a second so I take my headphones off, spit on my finger tip, ash the blunt, and walk to my dorm. I'm in water so muddy that the surface is all I have to cling onto. What lies beneath is my past, housing the memories like demons. Of course, her face, would be in the middle. Falling more faintly in detail as I wake up sober and go to sleep high and dream nonsense that somehow doesnt go away like the usual forgotten dream you usually wouldnt give a second thought to otherwise but this morning my head feels foggy and theres a vague recollection of a search going on but I dont know what it's for and my chances of knowing diminish as I go deeper into the day. A search, it's on repeat, like my brain is an actual TV. Thats probably a normal thought to have, though I've never heard it in real words. "Is my brain a TV." I say to myself.                                                                 if you can call it that. but those take the shape of monsters of which, as if I had no choice, I find myself preparing for so when the moment really matters, I can either go down in a blaze of glory or come out on top like the badass I imagine myself to be. All I know is that I was born and now I have to live.

Maybe because my past is so glaringly depicted onto a person I refuse to acknowledge. All that shit was a dream. The only thing that matters is the present, right? Bill Nye the Science Guy would agree with that. Back in elementary whenever we had a sub for the day, a cart would roll in and thats how you knew. I watched his show in elementary school, when we had a substitute teacher. Those were the best days. I had no worries then, able to speak freely with no inhibitions as if duality had nothing to latch its mechanical claws onto. Wait, I'm thinking about the past again. And thats going way back. Fuck! Okay.. On your feet soldier! That baby momma drama dont fly out here in the real world. out here  it's the winners and the losers, haves and the have-nots,  thats the way it is.

We're here to endure anxiety. I dont care about this slave shit. I think im gonna drop out. These fucking people bro, I shouldve known better than to come here. Deep down in the recesses of my highly realized capacity for recognizing everyday objects I'm  hearing the voice my computer makes. It just so happens that I'm a little different from everyone else. I see things. Feel them. Some are expressed. Others proccessed. Though most get put away for later. These things I speak of is all they'll ever be to Some bad. Some good. But in the end I understand the root cause  is nothing and thats where I pretty much exist anyway. In between any and all things, including people. At least that what it feels like. So although I may come off as shy and maybe a bit soft to the average layperson I aint no bitch and I wont hesitate to put my body on the line to make some headway when it comes to cementing my place as a savage demon in the halls of said layperson's memory bank. Someone who is wise would recognize the virtue of my conviction It is only because I must prepare for that singular moment, an unknown point in the fabric of time and space. To where if theyre not careful, a life's worth of energy should be pitted against me as if one were to stand a chance against the power housed within my vessle. Theres no such thing as a polite gesture. Nobody asks me how my day is "going" for no other reason than to relay to me how their own special day is "going". reckoning between a humble acknowledgement that I can never truly grasp the reason for existing and therefor should play my part in keeping the peace, versus pure badass in a world of sheep. And the more I get to know my surroundings, the more I reach erradically for the inherent bliss found within the path of satanism.

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Spmewhere off in the distance, Crermoth sits on a palm tree idly sculpting astral suspensions into a tattered fervor of mesh for working the keys of ineptitude. She is oblivious to her surroundings, not caring for chatty and gossip which she cant seperate between her reality and theirs because she is sensitive and when the the fully recognized sage, Esoh, confronts her about she says she much prefers it that way.

Their balance among them. With the wind at her side, Hojihka refuses the initial preference of her stillness and moves in a nameless precession by the whim of her ancestral birth right. "aaa may-ee soo shay-noo"

Her possession wakes up without a name. a new and more elaborate transposition of jubilee onto each successive indifference. The attention to one area renders the outer confines a vacuum enveloping the excess span unto both of their liable to taken over like a plain, sole, unconscious will. It certainly does its job Crermoth and has become something of a plan b pill thats taken during one of her many unpredictable episodes of self hate and general spiritual torment. One time she told J-Money she was a demon in a matter of factness that still haunts J-Money in moments when he pretends it doesnt bother him.. Reliant upon the interaction of her world and the next. Crermoth normally prefers being to herself on nights like these, that way she can answer any calls at a moments notice. A dimension close enough so that she may assist her friends in earthly manners of which, by the natural law of limitation, those lacking the incessant nobility of the Orisha cannot be bothered to see to themselves, less the tether between her world and theirs be rendered a useless tattered fervor of mesh that gives way to any varitable knock of an over arching brood of usurpment of the mundane frequency. “I need space. I only have but so much light of see to her calling as a being of light, assisting the pieces of herself that we’re lost during the falling. You remember that don’t you?” She says “Of course I remember. But only as a matter of fact. Upon closer reflection I fail to see the relevance of a subtle hunch with no bearings in the present.”

I must know that I’m allowed to be straight up with you, else I run the risk of straying from my calling. If there’s anything I hate more than being ignored its catching myself being lazy to the voices. “She musn’t veer to far.” Esoh said on a mountain.

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The woman wakes up to look around. Store-bought soil, empty bike-rack, office building. "Harder. Think harder. Come on girl." She stands for dignity's sake. A car traces a hilltop in the distance. She raises her cold arms to the sun in defiance of stillness. Nothing is in tune with the nature of her being besides the stale wind of a coming day. "Where are you?" The car freezes as it reaches the horizon, but the sound remains on loop. Whirrrrr A portal manifests abruptly and Elegua arrives on a chariot of skulls. "Erzulie, madame, how nice it is to see you this early in the morning." A whisp of fire cleans her face and the car continues over the horizon. "It really shouldnt be, not like this. Where Im at should tell a lot you know." Erzulie said. "Quite a dense reply to a longtime friend, dont you think" "Hmm, considering how I slept in a bush last night and dont remember a thing. I shouldnt need to explain myself." "No? is the friz on your hair not matching the blood on your knees? I can't tell which." Elegua said.     Or is the attitude possessing you as if theres no consequence for ill-manneredness? I cant tell which." So long as one's not so dense up his selfish ass that he aint notice." "Oh so now all a sudden you about the finer things in life? We can switch places less you miss me. Erzulie said. Im only pointing out the obvious." Elegua said. Erzulie replied with silence, forcing life to flash before his eyes. She learned this from her Mother, Darkness. "Attitude is possessing you. I cant tell why but its a poison I dont deserve. I was only trying to help" He continued. "I just dont fuck with being called too early. So long as youre not too dense up your ass to take notice, safe to say i'm in some shit right now." "Clearly. A product of consequence." Elegua said randomly. "Yeah, recognize. Please, for me, baby?" "No more testing your patience, Goddess immortal of justice. Save that for what I came to tell you about." "Take me to cleanliness, saintly promise of wisdom. For im not feeling myself." They left the scene to the past and pondered on the pyramid they had just made with each other. "It's nice to be home." Erzulie said. Flying over the palm trees brought Elegua back to his power. "On the basis of love." Elegua said. The salt-water washed away all glimpses of doubt Erzulie had of her beauty. And she harnessed the pastels of the ocean. Thus, all guilt was abolished and unconditional love was convinced to dance within them. Drying his body under the rays of Amen reminded Elegua of his first words. Long ago, before Time was born. "O Father, you are so brilliant." "Thank you, son. I am the Light" "Then tell me, Father, if you are the Light, and are so brilliant, then why is it you flee from Darkness?" "All I do is my purpose, which seeks to balance harmony with creation. Although it is much more complicated than that. Like always I suppose. I'm afraid you ask me a question that I cannot answer. Here, because you are so curious, I will show you." "I'm ready, Father." Light grew brighter causing Elegua to cry in his recollection of what it felt like to say words. The links in his mind straining to pull in the right words. Not too plain to where the moment would be lost in happen stance, and not too radical so that his manhood could stay irrefutable (to convey meaning.) Then Light disintegrated into everything and Elegua searched for Light ever since. So Elegua went to the crossroads, and prodded Darkness for Light's wherabouts, "I want to relive the the moments before he left for eternity. Where can I find him?" Without a hug or a kiss, she told him to let go of his experience in order to live in the now, "Take his place and move forward. Grow up, your Daddy's gone cus you never did." "How could you say that me? I love you, Mom. Yet all I get is hate. Why are you hiding the truth from me?" "If I don't hate you, then who will? You got so much to learn that my heart breaks into brass. You must leave, understand me? LEAVE, before I do what your Father did and them some. I'm this close. Believe me." With nowhere else to go, Elegua obeyed the commands of his Mother. Although lonely at first, the spirits of the dead related to his despair, and offered to guide him through all the known and unknown realms of Ether, so long as he guided the spirits of the living to his Mother. So that the dead could learn for themselves the origins of their being dead. And when Light came back, they could say "Father, we know of Hate, now teach us Love." Elegua tried telling them that it was hopeless, that his Father was there, just not in the way they imagined, that they we're actually his Father and they had to realize it through an altered perception. but that negativity only made them more adament to their cause which annoyed Elegua into a manic spell of existential irony which persisted during times of war with the Snakes on 5th density. One battle in particular Badly wounded, he pulled his chariot with his arms to the middle of a corn-field on a full-moon during the Solstice, it was there he made a pact with his self, to never be ignorant to the fact that fate was an inescapable constant within all contributors to existence. That the very fabric that distinguishes the dead from the living was comprised of scattered shards of an indestructable essence that attached itself to the spirit-body via fate which is the Father of destiny. That the collective conscious is woven by the thread of Fate, thus binding a common goal, or Destiny, inherent to all beings of both polarities, thus setting in motion the spiral of gnosis, which lends itself to the spreading of keys that open the doors to helping each other fulfill each others Purpose. "I will collect the pieces of my Father so that I may speak with him again as I did as a child. I will never forget you because I love you. You are everything to me, which is all I ever could be. Please, I want to know why you flee in the face of Darkness."

____10/9/17 monday

My pace quickens as I veer away from the crowd onto the handicap stairs. I silently count my steps to give off a pensive, non-assuming vibe. Over by the quad theres crows just walking on the grass. Yet I'm the only one who seems to notice, even from a distance. The busses haul ass down Memorial St. I've learned to always be on alert because I'll never know whats waiting for me when I turn my attention off the floor and become reminded of string theory. Artificial energy, cork boards with grime on the edges, tunnel of dull ends, spongy plywood cielings. as i step with my head down and in every so sudden a demarcation in the bricks, the reptiles answer emails. This is where I'm going. Because my soul chose to live here at some point in time not too long ago considering the relationship between all that the universe has to offer and my general apathy towards said all as in any and all one. Which has become quite of a bore ever since the first week ended I had to come to terms with the reality that friends won't simply fall into my lap like they would     if I wasnt such      a masochist for being lonely. The row of pillars turn to one and all I see is the contentment in the air of the lobby. In the hallway are casually turned faces which glide about in a linear fashion like the ghost of a lost bride.. I get a side-view of the people afraid to admit that this is far from the paradise we expected it to be. The brochure in our acceptance letters didn't include the drunken nights of another dimension. I'm inside the life of an architect. One who's dead by now, but lives on through his work. I'm not going anywhere, the building would say, if it could talk. And I suppose it can. Because I just had the thought, and nothing is ever truly wrong without another thought to compare it to. But then if buildings could speak existed first, and was allowed to grow and find its place in the universe, then it'd be established enough to not warrant an adversary. But the question remains where, if it existed, was its fate organized before coming into my mind, awaiting my final judgement. Substitute me for a unicellular collective conscious and it seems like we're all dealers of fate her on planet earth of the milky way of the universe of the whatever comes next (should we ever know for sure). he or she deserves all the credit for it manifesting onto the grid of my consciousness, which is a zig zag joint's worth of a high right now. The perfect amount for not giving a fuck while still staying slick enough for witty comebacks. Which wouldn't hurt right now. This building isn't going anywhere. Though I wish it would. Because I dread what I'm about to do How he must have pained to communicate something he could call his own while maintaining a dignified and safe, always safe, because god forgive, well, you know, , putting the pen to the pad, drawing  collumns in front of a Victorian fassad Succumbing to authority just to eat with a roof over your head and not freeze your ass off like a homeless freak. Profit margins in the final half of quarter one are lower than 1 standard deviation to what is considered by corporate to be optimal. As of now, the college has no incentive to ship in product from outside sources. All inventory must be stored in house to the buyer's demand. You better not be late.

___ On the parking deck

Tycho: “I had a dream I was on an internet forum. Someone posted the words: “life is an endless hell. With a blurry picture of a street at night-time. Not much different from what’s in front of us. I thought that made sense, until I scrolled down, to see a video looking out the windshield of a vintage rolls royce, coasting along a pacific highway. And the lines kept going. Next thing you know I’m falling down a pitch black waterslide, dreading my destination. If I never woke up I have a funny feeling i know where it was leading.

Preacher: In that instance did you feel the need to repent for your sins?

Tycho: No. that didn’t cross my mind. It was too late at that point.

Miranda: “I used to.

T: What made it stop?

Miranda: Seeing all the happy people around me. And knowing that they’ve been through the same shit. Break-ups, Death in the family, just generally feeling lost.

My heart was broken ”

T: Getting over the mind can be a dark place when it has nowhere else to rest. You can train it to think anything.”

Miranda: True

Tycho: Lately Ive been taking these long drives late at night into the boonies. Just to see where I up. I realized theres so many lives I’ll never know about.

If i wasnt born into money maybe I’d be humble enough to hate myself for even thinking such a thing.

How’d you get out of that?

Miranda:

These know it all professors are getting on my nerves. I fear Im crossing into an abyss I’ll never fully understand. Honestly I can’t fuckin stand these people. What name do I have to make for myself that i haven’t already experienced in the depths of my soul?

Tyco: You know how they try to act like they all official and shit, like I won’t see past it.

Miranda: [agreement] They do that.

Tyco: [stream of consciousness] So I just told her look I know its a rule, but I’m all about learning at my own pace and no disrespect i love her but Mrs. Soso can only go so far in telling me how to write. You can give tips and tricks but at the end of the day, I’ve been developed my writing style.. Like I thought we were done with all this high school shit. Well I didnt say that.

M: And what’d she say?

Tyco: She was like “As you get further into your major 90% of your assignments will be in essay format.. we require full participation “ At this im like she gonna hit me with the book like hell nah THEN outta nowhere She said “However, I also believe in 2nd chances.”. On the outside I was cool but inside I was like “*fist bump* yo i cannot fail outta college like someone watchin out for me idk who but-

Chad: fuck that shiiiiit *holds up white rum in front of street light”

Friend in background: 12! 12! 12!

Abrupt scene change. Camera shows Tyco zoned out. Then police car, as Tyco begins to hide behind the tree hes smoking on.

My black hoodie and phone-call to my dealer will still be with me tomorrow as I do the same thing.

(From a dream 10/23)

Tyco is driving around serving with Shantel when she lights her phone up from the passenger seat and puts the phone to her ear.

Shantel: You are not finna be talkin all that mess on my phone. Be honest with                  yourself. Don’t lie. You a hoe ass bitch.

?? Caller: Why are you even calling me? I dont give a fuck.

Shantel: Wait till I pull up then and slap the shit out you. Would that be better                     sweety?

?? Caller: I’m at Kawaii’s 30 deep. Bring your lil boyfriend and see what                          happens.

Shantel: Try me bitch.

[ The economy sedan turns right on red seemingly without breaking. ]

Tyco: 30 deep huh?

Shantel: With them ratchets.

Tyco: She sounds scared as hell aint nobody sticken up for her like that. You know they gonna talk shit right but soon as we throw them hands they gon be like, I dont know that bitch.

Shantel: nah but she stupid tho like not even worth all that extra

Tyco: We’re going. Wheres that nigga house i’ll waze that shit and we get there we just pop off. Aite?

[Not looking at the road, but to her, coasting down an average 2-lane with box neon trimmed tire shops and drive-thru windows governed stately as immovable beasts of mothership stores lurk behind low-sodium trenches of the new world order’s surveillence agenda for mass poplations en masse. ]

              Just follow me. I’m walkin in and gonna start a commotion just bussin                 and you just break this bottle on her mother fuckin head and we out.

Shantel: haaah what okay

Tyco: You’re gonna fuck her shit up som serious.

Shantel: She talk shit about you.

Tyco: It’s in the stars babe for real.

Shantel: You gonna help me find that bitch?

Tyco: You my fucken queen I love you and I got you.

Neighborhood entrance.

Cars parked for miles.

House identified first glance.

Park.

Car doors..

Hip-Hop

Grass.

Walkway.

Steps.

Porch.

Door opens and yellow tops within the frame.

!! WHERE YOU AT// YALL FAKE AND CANT FINESSEE !!

AAAAAH YOU UGLY DARK SKINNED NIGROS

The caller is sitting on a couch ass to ass with other dudes. Looking stupid.

She never saw Shantel. Who came upon her like The Ring.

She has become a party magnet. It is a Slayer concert now. Nobody knows who’s who. Though Tyco is surely getting his ass beat. He catches of glimpse of Shantel’s fat ass ducking through the doorway and he could die right now and it wouldnt matter.

*GUN SHOT*

FUCK GOIN ON HERE MANE

“This not the place for you bro. - White boy comin up here in my place of business - Tryna pop shit off like you really not a bitch”

Kawaii looks up with his glock-9 extendo at his GD party mostly all gone just like that. The poor girl is still leaking.

“She need to go to the hospital.” Her friend says.

He points the glock at his head. Despair.

“Look around before I kill you.” An invitation.

Tycho: “I sold a 4 oz today after my accounting exam. I could be GD, 74, rock                            purp. whatever it be its nothing but Respect yo. Got connects with chad and Becky nahmean dog. Could put you on to some numbers they white and they fiends. Please OG.

“How much for a zip.”

“80, gas.”

“Was that yo bitch?”

“yea”

Kawaii: You lyin to me?

“No.”

“She eat your ass?”

“Yeah and bounce on my BIG ASS DICK” Tyco says with autism.

K walks away.

T: they don't even sell Molly bruh

K is you fucken high you dummies. Beat this nigga ass. *Tyco imagines the why the fuck you lyyin vine and remembers the exact moment he realized that wasnt an original song but actually a spin off of a classic throwback jam by the 90s R&B group “Next” in their hit single “Too Close”.. He was driving home from the cafe he used to write high school essays in while smoking a menthol american spirit with the windows rolled down on a spring evening playing KISS 104.1 Atlantas classic jams. Then he realized there was a full 6 minute video of the vine on youtube. After watching it he felt gayer. Thats all it did for him.

Tycho wakes up on living room floor.Terry (random G, on couch): *Hands him note× Kawaii said he's sorry. No hard feelings ya heard dog?

Tyco: I guess thugs act on impulse. *looks at note* and don't count on a gahdamn thing you bitchass motherfuckers. Tyco walks into class with a black eye. The Professor talks about interest loans. Tyco meets Moe after class in parking lot.

*Moe: Waddup

Tyco: It's lemon og I just got in.

Moe: Bet. Those last cookies you got. Bomb dude. It had them frar mother fuckers leanin like they can't handle that purp like that nahmean.*laughs*

Tyco: I got some backwoods you wanna hotbox.

Moe: Yo I'm down.

10/24/17 thursday

____ Last night I decided not to hate myself. The look I get from them doesnt bother me. Really, its a simple sign from nature that I’m used to by now. A wrong impression can sustain the fog of memory, of which I will be seen from the lens of another dimension, with not a care in the world, an angel in disguise. Thats the crux of my life up to this point. To no longer hate myself. But appear as if I still do. The nameless place in our past with no address., one of which even a frat boy can relate to. This invisible standard that’s thrown us into the pits of despair must be addressed. To seperate the real from the fake. Like the others are sleep walking through class fronting like they dont see me. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my third eye, televising scenes of sleep walkers who stay fronting like they dont see me. Walking behind the parking deck where green dumpsters were with my phone to my ear is a feeling that remains within me until I do the same thing over again in a few days. Buying in bulk never appealed to me. And if a 20 a g was the price thered be nothing my lonely ass could do. Fuck this worthless paper, I tell myself.

I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days.

I’m signalling. Though I havent been approached yet.

Figuring that would resolve the look I give other people. I mean, christ, I turned 18 last March. And spent the Summer in a last ditch effort to secure an identity before I made my plays in college. For too long I’ve avoided the call of the light and in return have gotten blank stares.

(SOMEHOW gets wrapped up into a petty conversation with sorirty girl (on top of parking deck.)

Clarissa: I was the only one alone in the entire party.

Tycho: Why didnt you leave?

T: Dont worry I dont wanna know your major.

C; Good cus it keeps changing.

T: You think you know everything dont you? This world aint nothin babe.

C: Why do you say that?

T: What do you wanna know? That I get money? Thats nothin.

Clarissa drifts off.

Hannah: So Stacy’s telling me the banners weren’t in that right place and we’re like an hour away from starting and we still haven’t even got the chairs in order and barely anyone who was suppose to be here has shown up yet.

Tycho: Where were they?

“Well for one, Candace, I dont know whats her problem lately, but shes been gone because her best-friends now telling her she’s not rushing anymore but thats honestly a relief because that girl wheres winged eyeliner and thinks shes better than us.”

Tycho: Oh, I think I’ve seen that girl at the library or something.

     I intuit that in order to justify her reasoning for not liking the winged eyeliner girl, that she channeled my very own resonant storm cloud of which I emit silently in the face of vanity..  

H: Well you’ll probably see her there a lot more cus shes definitely not with us.

“Okay so thats one.” I say as if taking notes.

“Then Rachel’s out at some charity event that I never even heard of probably with a guy she’s not telling us about which is so frustrating that of all days you pick friday night at the peak of rush to go be a hoe behind our backs.”

“Did she ever show up to the party?”

“Yeah. And she was fucking drunk.” She said as if surprised but not really because this is Rachel we’re talking about, after all.

“Like wasted orrr “

“Damn I didnt know yall got down like that.”

“Umm when youre stumbling through the door and your first words to all the new girls is hallelujah bitches!

She wasn’t with a guy.

“So tell me more about the party. Like was there”

who nobody knows anyway

is that Cheyenne is just out of it because her friends now telling her she doesnt want to rush anymore and for one its like look,

Wait, who’s hannah?

Hannah’s the leader of her sorority.

Ooooh, Okay, I see why now

-Yeah, I mean if word got around that would literally mean she was going around their backs to cover up that she was lying.

> Right. Yeah I hear what you sayin. She’s trying to make it seem as if it never concerned yall in the first place but if thats the case then she dont need to be acting like she got the right to be trusted.

This goes beyond reputation. Manipulating emotions just cus she has none of her own. Conniving biitch.  just to get her way goes beyond reputation.

Aint nobody wanna be around that energy.

> So what you tell her?

I get schizophrenic when it comes accepting new ways of being. The person I made him out to be was the perfect cure for my suffering. All those forgetful nights of boredom I knew what I needed all along, but was to scared to do it myself.

------ Frat house halloween party kidnap scene ----

GD shaman prays to shango for power to go out by mantra. Squad in car repeats the same mantra. The power goes out at 1:00 (or peak of the party).

Tycho throws blue flare through the side of the window

at the Tycho must find Chad and lure him downstairs near the door so the squad can get the keys to the room full cocaine and adderal. After looking everwhere he’s no where to be found. He walks in on a couple having with the girl in missionary with devil ears. “Yo chad that you?” Its

(fuckem x3) Music stops from power so he sneaks in wireless speaker in his robot costume  and puts it at one end of the room. Squad member 1 will carry bigger wireless speaker and set it down when he storms in. Tycho also brings a timed strobe light to distract people and keep the illusion of the party still going.

Tycho runs down stairs and towards door with chad chasing him. Squad slaps tape and mask on him and carries like a battering ram although theyve already kicked the door.

*Power turns back on*

“Fuck em, fuck em, nigga get out my section

Don’t want to see him, I don’t want to touch him

*waves zippo lighter in front of face so chad can see him through mask*

“Ima count 3 seconds and your dead on 5 if i dont get this combination” says calmly. thus saiyth the lord thy god”

“Three... No mercy”

“Two.. Shall be given unto those”

*gives code*

          “One.”

Love takes many shapes and forms.Tycho never opened up to people, hating himself for being incapable of feeling what others felt. He wanted more so he went spiritual. Which his close friends perceived as going off the deep end."Ayy whatsup bro you tryna smoke?""I have a calc exam tomorrow but I'm down after."Aight good luck on your studying tonight and then kill it tomorrow I know you got this calc is your specialty can't say the same for me but that's why you always tutored me haha."Let me know if you need more help. Figuring their was no bounds and he could be whatever, even silent, and experience irony rather than fate. How bland, he thought, to have a life plan and nothing to look forward to. Running drugs would be a necessary chain reaction. The highest elixer exceeding the bliss provided by the very weight he'd be pushing, itd be getting off on defying his own life, leaving spirit his only option. And so like a blackbird his soul seeks experience only in the clearest degree of visibility. Swerving transgressions of lonliness to levy the burdens of contrived responsibilities at societies every turn until his flight patterns veer from the trodden path to and fro the calling of reality in which he desires to preside over as a God of many statures. Untainted by works, head first into the entity of the adversary, of which he is able to predict the situational consequence in only a glimpsing moment before havoc ensues and the final hour is upon him, his loose wings coated with astral charcoal of depravity. Be caught slipping once and he loses the jump until the enevitable program takes its course - an unstoppable relationship between fate and reckoning that must be fulfilled as day turns to night. Once that happens he reverts back to being like the rest of them. Yet to the world, now desolated beyond repair, hed still be alive, exuding a calm presence that something is not quite right with him existing without remorse. The truth is simple enough, a hint just ever so slight as to never be able to cross the threshold of utterance, thus becoming rendered a convinction of self delusion on the part of the unknowing accuser, who by this time hates himself for even thinking badly of such a good guy to make peace with.  The collage curtails past the illusion of what is already known and at last the watchers take notice and thus regeneration is able to take place along all the land, allowing for new energy to take the throne of anticipation. One that has harnessed the potential to become anything the wonder puts his mind too. So what if I'm imaginative? Yolandra: I mean everyone's different in their own way. Like yeah the soroitys have a dress code and all that Starbucks and capris. But I don't know. You just have to get know a person for who they are and not how the outside world perceives them to be. T: So what'd you first think of me? Yolandra: Honestly not much anything. You were one of those people who could be anything. But then I overheard you say taurus's are gold diggers and I hated you cus I'm a taurus. T: Oh sorry I really didn't mean it like that but c'mon now I can tell you have a taste for finer things you bougie little.. Boob. *laugh\ haha "you know what I mean" It doesn't bother you? What? That so much could go wrong so quickly? Look, deep down he's telling you his heart lies with getting over and you let him because that's /just what you like about him, how deep he gets. cus he's a sad and selfish individual who was never about loving anything other than vanity. The best thing to do would be to trust his actions, intentions aren't what's important right now. Really, forget about the soul connection. Loves comes through all types of people as long as you're open to receiving them. Those energies. Don't lose yourself in the illusion. Without ever taking credit for what truly matters which should be you. Then your fashion made sense to me. T: ��I'm so caught up in myself. I mean, it's impossible to know anything else. I'll never get to stand in your shoes. Its just truth. Yet I'm the bad guy. You're not like the other people I've met. T: Yeah I'm kind of loner if you couldn't tell already. I guess that's a good thing.T: Hey it's okay. I get that a lot... Wait what do you mean you guess? Ive found that who evers saying does a 180 in their normalcy.  Knowing your even here right now is a good thing. Knowing that you're with me even when im not. Don't you think? Starting out with confidence and ending strong to be lucky if I'm not hurt. Tell me what you want out of this. Sometimes I feel so lame, then I realize how fun itd be to not care. Through the window screen i see parchments and grass blades, this is an image I've sought to ignore for its blandness thinking I was over recognizing such mundane structures. The sunlight made me drunk with non verbal contemplation. I crave this heat when I'm in low spirits. And a breeze when I'm high. My thoughts are channeled from a lonely place (My thoughts come from a lonely place)  I've had no choice but to become accustomed to for my own sanity. To work faster and breach that veil of reckonning. So unreachable and enticing at the same time.T When I'm alone, welcome something more than the past if you ever cared to help me. This isn't the only world out there. And even if it was the material would eventually reach infinity. Then a black hole would open or something. Don't quote me on that, science is the hottest thing going right now. It cant hurt to butt in unofficially. As long as no one calls you on it. The universe molds to your confidence. That's another story. At the end of the day, I have too much pride to be a scientist.  The God they're serving calls for a lot of self sacrifice. A self that ignores emergency when called to speak. A self i'm not prepared to lose. "Why are you here again, nothing will change, you're gonna be quiet like last time" any handle on reality I had during the sun rise flees like an ex girlfriend into the night. I'm not prepared to lose. Anxiety is that humid feeling you get when roughnecking the time away. Jaded peripherals, internet browsing, and fading friends initiate a color spectrum so cruelly vivid in its inability to be shared with the CVS cashier who looked at you wrong because you bought 3 4oz bottles of robitussin. A man who couldnt care to see the streets, stop signs, and traffic lights. Man is a slang term we use when caught in the moment. Of which matrix programming loves to grasp onto. --- 10/25/17 wednesday So here I am enjoying a piece of lackluster nothing for the sake of something I've agreed to experience in a past life I can't even remember but somehow must make amends to as if its an actual concrete thing I can touch and make sense out of without caring to ponder how life puts us in these type situations like getting your hair done a new way and meeting a friend of a friend superficially without ever following up like aight word up bro I feel you by the way hows life and what's the special fact I should become one with in this moment while not thinking too much in to things or else id be alone as if we're not alive under the stars for any other reason than to be happy but still to me that becomes too much like a flash in time rather than something meaningful because then sex would have to be our purpose for being here but you and I both know it's more complicated than that so we look into it via memories and realize the journey was brighter than the reward as in I don't remember the actual sex part but rather the day as a whole with stained glass sprinkled in on a film reel to push the past into something real and unexplainably alluring to the self of which we projected this light onto in order to perhaps know in advance maybe how to repeat this metaphysical phenomenon for a second time because we're not quite there yet although at this rate if seems that to finally reach a state of thereness would mean we wouldn't be able to be here right now having this conversation like a building block struck from below or a house of cards we have to keep faith that every moment plays its part because we had an emotion for it and therefore couldn't be rendered to nothing in a wreckless attempt force it all together rather let each tile compliment it's neighbor and bypass the need for destruction by allowing enough caring energy to flow through that filter mechanism within you that deems lifes moments as worth remembering or forgetting and pretend you never heard about forgetting and avoid it like the plague because everything that ever was is depending on you to go forth into righteous so that gods original intention for letting go of unwanted baggage be synthesized within your vessel of upgrades intelligence so that the journey can still be appreciated only this time without th deceptive veil of the end. to question the little things that somehow don't mean much but at the same time appear to us daily as conduits for good fortune and thats what we must uphold ___ 11/2/17 thursday

I you and me playcated on a surface of stones that match our longing to search in the wrong places. Convenient are we done such a conceivable time that is time which is also time because what more can be said other than us winding down a fire escape to an inexplicable hatch sitting like paper mache on our transformative spiritual natures. Gone already but not forgotten just make sure to take the negative side of every situation involving 1 or more parties so as to make sure the rythym is in order because you can't go wrong with challenging the status quo of an area you're not suppose to be in even if that seems too easy and superficial it's the right choice because even the idea of rebellion as a bad thing must be able to project into a physical thing prompt for examination so secrets may be revealed. Wouldn't you know i stopped believing in faith due to its redundancy of chasing metaphysical strings too far out for us to put into words and isn't that the source of all our angst. Depraved of propositional phrases and elemental tables it's all so clear to me now. Casandra had a bag and Mikey had his sneakers in the forefront like a low hanging fruit but of course they had personalities that weren't so easy to see unless the hard work of interfacing came into the equation. Lets judge people based on judging for the sake of basing ourselves onto something not within our realm of reality. Perception is a hard question i think maybe inanimate objects could tell us a thing or two. Low pressure sodium lamps.Documentorial lecture hall amps failing to reach the end of the pyramid turned 90 degrees away from its focal point. May disease not reach our unexplainable selves if ever they may inhabit our temporary vessels like a friend who has no friends but you and wants desperately to get along with others but is attached to your ways. Are we in hell? What can our astral travels tell us about signaling locations with Etheric marks of time dialation. Things are what they are by defintion or they wouldn t be things however stepping the observer up a notch sets in motion cancer to grow from the singular notion that we ourselves separate on a cost of lightening our load. I am partly responsible for this mess we have made. Pulling my hair out in thin strands so as to not make a difference. Some people just don't understand what it means to be so far gone yet in a place of enchantment that lets us know we're not alone as Michael Jackson plays on the ham radio and Wikipedia says the song was written by r kelly. I'm a solitary young man, joined at the seams complacency and red-ridden vanishing points to a line of sight I'd rather not identify with if I had a choice. I'm seriously considering becoming rich and famous despite others already forcing me to. I guess eventually my spirit will give in as my soul looks from a distance and says what a fool I am then goes about his day. You can't be like the rest of them no matter how hard you try. Thinking on the sensualities you avoided after this rap shit led you no where. The palace at the height of creation where Jesus stopped and stared to collect his thoughts before he kept going when his alarm rang as his slave bending consistency tracked the new melinnia into a moldy piece of sandstone cheese the better of which tasted nutty with fruity notes and 80% abv shards of liquid glass on the throat thatd make even an immortal weep a shy tear or two. The pigs down in Mississippi feel things we can't understand in their slaughterhouse decrepit and forwarned in a musk ridden air flow that's non existent to hypocritical angels who were supposed to stop atrocity but opted to sit on their ads and play virtua tennis all day. Oink says the pig. Hee haw says the donkey. Give me life says the God and there on the 30th night fags came to tell the story on their faces. The bag lady told them to shut up and stop whining but they wouldn't listen though they lost their ability to speak. Goodness gracious me oh my great balls of fire. Great balls of ball you are the Lord of my lonely century in this dimension I took awareness to when I allowed you into my heart space.And then I left asking my self: Who is this I?

755559888a

Let’s stand for a while and think about the dastardly ways we have gone under the waters and flew away from temptation. Have us saying isnt it so pretty to be in something and have that to fall back on due to the struggles of forgetting the place we come from which didnt always have it out for us this bad in refusing us of inconjunctions we can at least point to and blame our problems on saying “See! There, I told you so. That’s why we cant find our beginning!” And we’ll keep toilling the fields as halflings saving up for a chance to leave the very universe we serve. “So thats more like it. Finally something I can get my flows on to” Shelly the alien said. “The Stars dont have to like you just because you see them. They have their place and so do we” Gerald said. “Oh but they do.” “How do you know?” “Well for one they always shine bright at the most oppurtune times, like when I’m feeling down about the part of myself that conveinently seems to escape me just when I need it most. If that be so then put me on to something else and that’ll do just fine.” “Perhaps you're not as big as you thought ”  Gerald held up his hand to salvage what was left of the dissolving psychic barrier between them. An invisible giant with an ocd issue. For now he could only listen. “No im not here to choose and thats exactly why Im not afraid to go where you can’t. Having the courage to admit your wrongs requires as much energy as universal rotation itself - a force which exists beyond our pleaidien awareness. ” “ But Shel- Okay whatever” Gerald paused and rolled the horizon through his scaly fingertips. “Keep calling on the unknown and you might get lost because it’s been there forever and sometimes Look, Shelly, no offense, you know I love you, but your awareness has no filter on what representation it can cling onto like danger isnt a reality to you. Me and Dazel always had to look out for you and thats just in this world what makes you think you can take on things you cant even see? “But do you believe in me? Anyone can say they love me. I’ve been hearing that my whole life. So much that it holds the same meaning as “um” does in conversation. Is that really the final conclusion we have at the end of the day? That you love me? Besides, I dont think you really meant that.”

“Here goes Miss Type-1 personality again. Always needing to label circles into squares, stars into gods, this as that, out of an inability to cope with insecurity. Leaving the rest of us as unwilling participants.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S WRONG IN NATURE?”  Shelly bawled.  

The beach of Temofose was out of walking distance from the orange cottage they grew up in with there Mom. When they were young it was somewhere theyd go when they had nothing else to do. Euweu Sister Beach was the brighter of the two, but now too populated for their liking. Temofose is less frequented by other families and polluted by cargo ships and a lack of open views but as they stood there a semblence of twilight through the holographic cages offered closure to the purpose of them arguing in the elements about a timeline Shelly was going to step into  And no matter what argument he could put forth, Gerald thought of it fruitless unless he spoke from his heart, a heart of which Shelly was currently taking the place of, so that he could not use it against her. “Shelly, I just hope you can understand how I dont want to let you go.” “I’m sorry you feel that way. But it’s my choice. Have a good njght Gerald. I love you” She said as she went into darkness.

Summer Break 2018

As a street light exploring strip malls, I am a linoleum tile on top of a trapezoid emitting frames of rave scenes. Heres where I find myself walking through last nights dream of the gang member selling duck pussy then getting assaulted by a pizza guy and a cop. Alone after those nights. Seems love was never meant to be expressed but felt. I look inside to see if I’m about to die, seeing diamonds mixed with sky. Materializing in the backdrop of my memories. Now I know why.

Now I know.

Then a wren on the fence manifests when it needs to. The perspective pyramid is that I pleaded for a higher calling. There’s nobody bohemian as me.  One day I’ll take this civic off the road and escape into my sacred grove. If only I wasnt such a bitch.

I carry my single briefcase through the airport parking lot. I’m hot and out of breath. Everyone watching me. I can read their thoughts but not my own. They say look at the guy who isnt me but is still conscious enough to move his vessel.

The a/c runs down to the end of the terminal, but my spirit is squared by the stores selling vain material. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my mind’s eye televises scenes too chaotic to put into words. Walking through customs is an event to be remembered, I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days. I board the flight to say finally I am my own religion. If I was flying over africa I’d see bon fires, but over Georgia I only see street lights. Thinking how absurd that they will speak of me as crazy. Others will listen. A vibration through these amber aisles to look no further than my destiny. Because everyone has their destination is the way it goes. I refuse. I’m tired of being a number. Atlanta had its place. Now I’m homeless in Tokyo. This is the not-so perfect end to the chapter planned out for me by the higher power. Not-so bad neither.

Save me. I’m on the other side now.

[tzudism]

Love Line

Chapter 2

"Let me see that!" Nayeon tries to grab my paper from my hand. "No! Why should I?" "Well if I'm going to sing it I wanna know what the lyrics are!" "What!? No! Not till I finish the song! I've only written a few lines!" I run away and attempt to hide in my room. "Fineeeeee, but you better eat the pizza I bought." "Whatever!" I pop my head out the door and stick my tongue out and sneak back to the lyrics I wrote down. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. I want to see Mina again. I close my eyes and reminisce about what happened today. Am I really falling in love? No way, I just met this girl. But...but there's something about her. I open my eyes and I'm blinded by light. "Ahhhh! What the...what time is it!?" "Relaaaaax it's only like 7 am, you shouldn't have another class for 2 hours or something."

I see Nayeon sitting in my chair. "What are you doing at my desk?" "Well I came inside to yell at you for falling asleep before eating dinner, which I've never seen you do before, and then I saw this so I decided to read it." "Saw wha-HEY! I told you it's not ready!" Nayeon starts laughing as she runs away with my lyrics in her hand. "What are you so ashamed of!? These are cute lyrics! And not just that, they're good!" I stop in my tracks and catch my breath. "Re-really?" "Yeah! My Jeongyeon is in loooove. With who!? You wanna tell me?" "What!? I'm not in love! Even if I was I wouldn't tell you!" "But we're best friends! You can tell me anything! Ah! Unless...Jeongyeon are you in love with me?" I look at her in complete disgust. "Please, I didn't eat dinner, I don't want to throw up." "It's ok Jeongyeon you can admit, come here cutie." She runs towards me and tries to kiss my cheek. "Nayeon! Stoooop, god I hate when you do this! Ahhh!" "Booo! Whatever then, here's your lyrics back. You seem to be on a good track, keep it up!" I swiftly grab my paper and run before she tries some sneak attack. I sit at my desk and stuff the paper in a drawer. I look at my phone to check the time. 7:30. Ugh, I want to sleep some more, but I need to get ready for class. I hear a loud roar from my stomach. Oh that's right...I should probably eat too. I take a quick shower and get dressed. I eat some of the leftover pizza nayeon left me, after throwing away the pineapple of course. I grab my penny board and head to class. When I finally get there I see Mr Peterson inside. "Sup Jerry!" "It's Professor Peterson to you Jeongyeon." He glares, "You're on time to class for once, what's going on?" "I got some decent sleep, I guess." "Well let's hope it was decent enough that you'll stay awake today." "Yeah hopefully." I laugh. I take out my notebook and pencil and get ready. Rrrrriiiiiiinng "And that ends today's lecture." Damn it, not again. I grab notebook and look at what was supposed to be notes, instead it looks like I was drawing how to unravel a ball of yarn. I try to sneak away before Mr Peterson tries to call me again. "Jeongyeon!" I smile as I slowly turn around, hoping he won't yell at me again. "Have you been working on your song for the talent contest?" "I have actually!" "May I see what you have so far?" He says with intrigue in his eyes. "Oh I left it in my dorm room, but I've been working on it really!" "I see, you've at least signed up for the contest correct?" "I have to sign up?" He looks at me in shock. "Jeongyeon did you even read the flyer I handed you the other day?" I take out the crumpled piece of paper and read what's on it. "Let's see...sign up for talent show...blah blah...sign up by the 7th at 12pm at the performing arts building. Ok what about it?" "Jeongyeon, today is the 7th, and it's 11:30." "WHAT!?" I run straight for the door and ride my penny board to the performing arts building. It felt like I was going 100 miles an hour. "Move! Get out the way!" I yell out I check my phone again and its 11:45. Ugh! Why did my stupid class have to be on the complete opposite side of campus!? Soon, I can see the performing arts building coming up and I check my phone again and its 11:50. I run up the stairs and I see a girl walking out of the entrance. "Hey you! Where do I go to sign up for talent show!?" "Third floor, now let go of me!" She yells.

I didn't mean to grab her but I was in a hurry. "Sorry! Thanks!"

I run up the third floor and see people cleaning up the sign up booth. "Oh no! Please tell me ...I'm not...too late... to sign up!" I yell in bits and pieces trying to catch my breath. "Yeah, you still can! We were just getting ready to leave a little early, here's the sign up sheet." This girl passes me this clipboard and sit down in relief as I fill out all the information. I hand her back the clipboard as I stand up. "Thank you so much, I thought I was doomed." "No problem! My name is Jihyo Park, I'm in charge of organizing the event this year, if you have any questions feel free to ask me." "Yes of course, thank you again so much." She smiles and as she turns around I can hear light footsteps coming in this direction. "Wait! Please tell me I'm not too late!" Jihyo turns around and laughs. "Mina! I would've thought you signed up already!" Mina? They know each other? Mina runs right past me and stops right in front of Jihyo. I can smell her perfume as it lingers in the space she passed. Smells like lavender, which I love, and honestly I can't get enough of it. "I know, but I kept putting it off since I'm here everyday and I didn't realize I hadn't signed up until just now." "Well don't worry about it you can still sign up. Besides you're not the only one." Jihyo looks at me and smiles. Suddenly Mina turns around and looks at me too. Then, I realize I'm still dripping in sweat from the ride here, and I hide behind my penny board and try to walk away. "Jeongyeon?" Hearing Mina say my name stops me in my tracks. "Jeongyeon it's you right? The girl from the other day? You're signing up too? Oh wow!" She says with her gummy smile. "Yeah, yeah I am haha." I say awkwardly. I don't wanna be here, I feel so gross. This is so embarrassing. "What are you going to perform?" Mina asks as she writes down her info on the clipboard. "I...I'm not really performing, I'm writing a song and my friend is gonna sing it. It's just some dumb thing..." "Oh I like it! That sounds awesome! What's the song about?" I can feel my face heat up. I can't possibly say it's about her. "Umm it's about this girl who fell in love and is trying to express it...I guess." God she makes me so nervous. Oh how cute! "What about you? Is this what you were rehearsing your dance for the other day?" "Yeah it is! Wait, how did you know I was doing a dance?" Oh no, I obviously can't tell her it's because I was watching her dance without her knowing. "Well uhh you said you were rehearsing the other day when I saw you, and you were in a dancing outfit and so I kind of just assumed." Please buy it, please buy it. "Oh duh! Haha of course." She says with that again adorable gummy smile. "Oh! Jeongyeon you're sweating a bit." Oh no, after coming all the way here and seeing Mina I realize I had still been sweating this whole time. I feel so disgusting. How is this even possible? "Oh boy, I'm sorry, I should g-" Mina starts wiping my forehead with a hankerchief.

"What were you doing before you got here?" "I...boarded all the way from the music building to here so...I guess I'm pretty tired...hey Mina! I'll just do that myself, you don't have to do this haha." I grab the hankerchief and wipe my sweat on my own, Mina suddenly coming in close certainly didn't help. "Oh sorry, my friend sweats a lot while she plays piano and I do that for her when she's getting in the zone, force of habit I guess." "Oh I see, don't worry, you just caught me by surprise that's all." "Mina, I'm still here. And I'm gonna need the clipboard." "Oh Jihyo! I'm so sorry! Here you go!" "It's fine, is she your girlfriend or something? Jihyo laughs, you two are awfully close." "Me and Jeongyeon! Oh no, we're just friends we've only just met!" "Yeah! Yeah...just friends...we met like yesterday." I say hesitantly. "Yeah ok, good luck to you both on the talent show, make sure you stay friends if one of you wins and not the other." "Jihyo! Don't be like that!" Mina scolds. Jihyo laughs and walks away. "I'm sorry, she's such a tease." "Oh no it's fine really, that was nothing compared to someone I know." I shiver as I remember this morning. "Oh Mina, here's your hankerchief." As I hand it to her I realize this thing is drenched and instantly I take it back.

"I'm so sorry, let me wash this before I give it back." "Oh umm sure, but how will you get it back to me?" "Do you have a number? Once I wash it I'll send you a text." "Oh ok! Sounds good to me. Here you go." As I'm putting her number in my phone I realize what I'm doing and I try to calm myself down. "Ok thanks again, I'll let you know when I've washed it." "Of course! It's a nice hankerchief so don't keep for yourself now Jeongyeon!" She laughs. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted. I wave bye to Mina and board back to my dorm. Finally, I can relax, and I lay on my bed. As I think about what happened just now, I decide to get up, sit at my desk, open the drawer, and grab a pencil. To be continued...

Your scent, your gestures Even the way you call my name You’re like, oh like it Now please know my heart, my boy oh neoui hyanggi neoui sonjit nal bureuneun ne maltu hanakkaji neoneun machi Oh Like it ije nae mam arajwo My boy Oh 너의 향기 너의 손짓 날 부르는 니 말투 하나까지 너는 마치 Oh like it 이제 내 맘 알아줘 My boy oh

[timhui]

My life thus far

I was born on December 2nd, 1989, which makes me a sagitarius, if that means anything to you. I really don’t think it should, because I never thought anyone should be defined or limited by their signs. But in all honesty the astrological estimation is somewhat accurate — I am a bit of a loose cannon, a “feeler”, if you will, with strong creative inclination. Britney Spears shares my birthday, but I can hardly say I am anything like her. So if you are reading this, bear with me. I am neither seeking validation or empathy for this writing. I write this from the strong desire to manifest my feelings in writing. I’m just trying to be more honest with what I feel and why I feel. If you find it relatable, it may bring some comfort in this dark, strange world we live in.

I was a short, light and precocious child, deathly shy. In fact, in preschool, I wouldn’t ask my teacher to use the restroom, I would just piss right in the middle of class because I was so scared of speaking. It was only until a year later my schoolmates figured I could talk, much to their surprise. My mom often recants that memory of me. It was in kindengarten, when my mom picked me up and I cried “Mom!”.

“Tim, you can talk?”

I continued to be deathly shy through elementary, middle and high school, including my musical abilities. I kept my talents quite secretive, most students in my school didn’t know I could play the violin. In fact, I was practically forced to practice everyday since I was 6. I hated it at the time. I hated it so much I would record myself playing in my room with a tape recorder, and play it back to pretend I was practicing for my mom. But throughout the years, I got much better, and I was finally able to play a Mozart violin solo performance for my middle school in a school band concert. I remember it was the first time I received a standing ovation. I had no idea I was that “good”.

The day of that concert happened to be the same day I hacked my school computer network. It was in french class, when my friend Justin taught me how to “net send” messages to different computers in the same network. We were fooling around, sending messages from the computer terminal to one another, until I figured how to send a message to every computer in the network. So I typed “log off now, the servers are on fire!” and sent the message to every computer in our middle school and elementary school network, including every television (which was connected to computers). I got caught red handed pretty immediately, and was suspended from using computers for the rest of the year. But after that day, I became quite popular for being “that short asian kid who hacked the network”.

But soon after, I switched school districts, and I had to make all new friends again. I had a lot of difficulty fitting into my high school. I was one of a handful of asian kids in my new school. And I was still deathly shy. I didn’t really hang out with anyone other than my church friends. I made lego stop motion movies and spent a inordinate amount of time in front of the computer, participating on internet forums from 2000–2008. I made a few stop motion lego movies, shooting at 15 frames per second. Around the same time, I picked up playing the guitar. I wanted to be Jimmy Page so bad. So bad that I didn’t have any friends. I really didn’t have any real friends, all I wanted to do was chat with people online, make lego movies, and play the guitar. I quickly became pretty adept at the guitar. I could play every Led Zeppelin solo, solo over blues scales, etc.

Growing up in a christian household in Arizona, I was an extremely spiritually active kid. My family was always involved in the church. It was many times a week, we would be involved in the children’s ministry. My brother, sister, and I loved the puppet ministry. We participated in puppetry throughout our time, involved in puppet competitions and christian conferences. Yearly, we would attend christian conferences — think Woodstock for christians. Every year, we would ignite our fire for our faith in Jesus at these events. I was convinced I was a disciple for Christ and doing his will, taking his word to the nations. I got involved in missionary work, and was sent to Taiwan in 2006 to spread the gospel. Everything was purposed, by design, for God’s will to move through my life. I was adamant about sharing my faith to my friends. My family was close to my pastor and his family.

My pastor eventually ended up being a heroin dealer, after being addicted to prescription painkillers for his medical problems. That’s life.

I’m not gonna sugar coat anything. Growing up in my family was difficult. My parents fought a lot. It was such a strange contrast for me — to go to Church and see my parents involved in the faith, then to come home screaming at each other. My sister and dad fought a lot. I was terribly conflicted — how could us bible believing christians be so verbally awful to one another? My mom always told me “Dad never really had a childhood, Grandpa used to beat him. There’s a reason why he’s like that.” I had trouble believing that. eventually I would leave my faith, because I couldn’t stand the cognitive dissonance.

When I went to college at Georgia Tech, I started to question my faith. I experimented with new experiences and mind altering drugs. Psychedelics and pot came into my life freshman year. I stopped going to youth group meetings and church because I was more interested in getting high and drunk. In fact, I got drunk the first week I was in college. The first time I drank, I wanted to prove myself I could drink like a pro. I stepped into a frat house and started to drink uncontrollably, not knowing how drunk I would eventually get. I passed out on a bench outside my dorm.

I was really seeking validation from others. My friends would often tease me for my eczema. Yes I had horrible dry skin. My nickname was called ashy Tim. I hated my friends but I still sought validation from them. I was horribly insecure. I had no idea people could be so awful to someone suffering. So I told myself to suck it up; i’m only gonna get stronger. So I always dealt with bullying quietly, until once I was thrown into a rose bush, so I quit be silent about it.

I had many friends heavily involved with drugs. One was a close friend name Stephen. Like me, he was very quite, very shy, but extremely thoughtful and intelligent. A chemist, he would smoke DMT and drink ayahuasca with me, we would have some fantastic times with me at my lakehouse, talking about the nature of existence. I remember he was part of a rehab group, a group of kids who often visited me at my lakehouse I rented during the summer of 2010. Kids from extremely broken families. Some of those kids, since then, were able to recover from their addictions and have normal lives, but a few of them were quite hopeless. One had a kid, no job, a few marks on his criminal record. So we forgot all the bullshit, we partied a lot, drank many beers, took mushrooms, swam in this lake by this secluded forest. If you’ve ever taken psychedelics before I’m sure you can relate. It’s one of the most powerful mind altering experiences you can have. My mind was just speeding so fast, so full of wonderful ideas! I had no idea I could think like this. I had too much fun. It was one of the best summers of my life.

3 of those kids, including Stephen, died a few years later of overdoses.

All these experiences taught me so much, and nothing at all. I’ll continue writing this but I’m getting weary and sad at the moment.

[bnhaimagines]

Could I request Bakugou fight with his extremely patient fem s/o and actually makes her mad because he told her something very awful, and he is a little surprised by it? And it would be very grateful if you could make the end nsfw (What have I done to myself?! 😩) sorry if the request is kind of ambiguous...I'm not good at requesting...I apologize for that

ALRIGHT!!! I’M WRITING AND ITS BEEN MONTHS AND I OWE IT TO EVERYONE TO ACTUALLY ATTEMPT TO ANSWER ANY REQUESTS, SINCE I DON’T SEE ANYONE ELSE DOING IT. SO SORROY FOR THE WAIT AND IF THIS STORY SUCKS. [Admin Denki]

You sighed as Bakugou went off on another tangent in the classroom, gaining everyone’s attention again. You rubbed your temples, the sound of his angry voice getting on your nerves. You had to be patient. Patience was key. “Katsuki.” You spoke softly. “Calm down, please. No one’s saying you’re not smart.” You put your hand on his shoulder, hoping he’d sit down. Bakugou shrugged your hand off, but sat down anyone. You smiled at him, trying to get him to not be so angry. Bakugou huffed, turning his attention back to the front. You sighed, leaning back into your chair. He was trying your patience, but you knew you couldn’t fight fire with fire. That’s not how things worked.

“Why do you have to treat me like a child like that.” Bakugou complained as he sat in your dorm with you. Rubbing your head, you looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean?” You asked. “You always talk to me like a fucking mom when I’m pissed. You’re not a teacher or some shit like that.” Bakugou accused you. “Katsuki, I’m not trying to be like that. I just don’t want to see you angry all the time.” You rubbed the bridge of your nose, doing your best to keep your voice even. “Why? Do you not like me when I’m pissed?” He narrowed his eyes at you. “I don’t like it when you’re yelling all the time, Katsuki. I like it when you’re relaxed and we can enjoy each other.” You tried to explain. Bakugou jumped off your bed, pacing your room. “Well, that’s how I fucking am! I’m angry a lot, ok?! It’s like you’re trying to change me.” Bakugou huffed, continuing his pacing. You groaned, rubbing your head before standing up. “Katsuki, I love you the way you are. I don’t want you to change. I just want to know what I can do for you when you’re angry.” You tried. “God, you don’t even fucking know me!” Bakugou threw his hands up. Your patience was slowly dwindling and your jaw set. “Look, I’m just trying to help. There’s no reason for you to be yelling at me.” You growled. “Why, does it just annoy the fuck out of you?” Bakugou was practically tauting you. “Yes, it annoys the fuck out of me.” You groaned, not wanting to feed into his negativity. “Well, your bitchy attitude annoys the fuck out of me, too.” Bakugou shouted. “Why don’t you go hop on some other guy’s dick if you hate me so much, you cunt.” That thin chord of patience broke when he used that word. Calling your attitude “bitchy” bothered you, but using the word “cunt” was out of line. Your hands pushed his chest, sending him stumbling back. “You want to know who’s the real bitch here, Kacchan?” You said his nickname in the most mocking way you could think of. “Stop being a fucking pussy and say how you feel, huh?” You shoved him again. “I’m fucking sick of your whiny, bitchy voice everyday. You need to learn how to shut that shit-eating mouth of yours.” You yelled, shoving him again until his back hit the wall. Bakugou was frozen in place by your sudden violent turn. You were so patient and he took that for granted. You never got angry and here you were, shoving him and yelling with pure rage. “Are you going to learn how to shut the fuck up or am I gonna have to teach you that, too, huh?” You gripped onto his shirt, face inches apart from his own. Bakugou gulped. “You’ll have to teach me that shit.” Bakugou managed to speak and did not fail to catch your attention. Your lips crashed onto his with bruising force, pushing him more against the wall. Bakugou’s fingers delved into your hair, holding tightly on your hair and pulling it. Your fingers tore at his shirt, actually breaking the buttons off of his uniform. Bakugou didn’t care, though. He pushed back against you, making you stumble. He cupped your face and continued to violently kiss you. Your tongues were in a battle of ultimate dominance and you wouldn’t let him win this time. His button-up shirt hung loosely on his body as his hands tore at yours. You shoved him away from you, so you could pull it over your head. “If you rip any of my clothes, you’ll regret it.” You spat. Bakugou couldn’t explain it, but your savage attitude just did something for him. He felt himself growing hard just from your dirty looks. “That seems pretty fucking hypocritical.” He gestured to his own shirt. “You can either take it off or leave. I have no problem finishing myself off, but I know you do.” You jabbed your finger in his chest. Bakugou gulped, shedding the shirt to the ground. Never before had he been intimidated by you and here he was, following your every word. Bakugou let you push him down on the bed, hands moving up to your hips. You took his hands in yours and put them to your chest. “Stop being a pussy and just grab my tits like a man.” You growled, making Bakugou glare at you. “I’m not a fucking pus-” Bakugou was interrupted as your hand roughly palmed at his clothed crotch. His breath was caught in his throat by your sudden movements. Normally you were calm and had a way about what you were doing. Right now, though, you were the dominant one and your movements were brash and rough. He loved it. “Really? You’re getting pretty hard now.” You pulled at his school pants until they were at his knees. You were about to grasp him when the tables turned and your back hit the mattress. Bakugou pulled your hips up against his forcefully. You bit your lip as you felt his hard cock against your panties. Bakugou cupped your face, pulling you back into an aggressive kiss as your bodies pressed and molded together. His body temperature was heating up and you could feel it especially with his cock moving against your thighs. His hot fingers pulled at your underwear, surprisingly gentle in the way he felt along your folds. Your back arched into him and you reached out to cup his bulge in return. “Two can play at this game.” Bakugou breathed against your lips as his hips started to rock. “I guess they can.” You flipped him over again, in control. “But there’s only one winner.” You whispered as the heat heightened and the noise level did also. No one bothered that room and smart people stayed away from it. Pent up anger was being released in a less than professional manner.