#just laying out my thoughts here

[starseers]

I'll be honest, I hate the attention DID gets.

This whole acceptance culture thing doesn't help anything, it just makes things more appealing to those who don't deal with it and don't understand it. I prefer when the worst you'd get was "oh, so like split?" Or "I wish I had friends in my head". You were more so an outcast back then, not some fucking idol or superhuman.

I don't know about you, but I'd rather not have my disorder be put on a pedestal for millions to see, to be cooed at for being so "cute", because it's not cute at all. Or be picked apart because you aren't a carbon copy of someone else with this disorder, because who would have know that a disorder developed from specific situations would look different between other individuals, individuals whose experiences vary widely? Even better, be picked on because you aren't a textbook example.

I don't think it should be widespread knowledge, just that it should be approached with basic human decency (unless you're a doctor who's trying to help a patient). Having resources for loved ones of those with DID or spaces for systems to freely talk should be more important than scrambling to "educate" or make the entire population "accept" it. We aren't being discriminated against like the rainbow umbrella's (not that we aren't at all, but it's extremely different and can't be handled the same way), we don't need some rip off pride month for (how many times do I say this before I become desensitized too?) a trauma disorder. Yes, it's life long, yes, we shouldn't be ashamed or forced to hide, but we shouldn't be romanticized.

It honestly should be common sense, but please, don't talk about something you don't understand or don't live with. That isn't your place to talk, and I mean that for everything, because this is a huge issue all over the internet. Raise others voices up.

[cozylittleartblog]

swatchvember: 90′s, rainy day, sleeping

cramming some of these prompts together to be silly <3 they spent a lot of time back then keeping some rich up-and-coming little salesman entertained, he’s one of their best customers. maybe you’ve heard of him...

[introspectivememories]

tim and bernard who break up and it's nothing big, no one cheated or anything. it's just their lifestyles didn't work out well together. tim cannot give up vigilantism currently and bear cannot handle the level of danger tim puts himself in. and on the other hand, tim cannot handle the fact that bear chooses to run into danger as an emt bc he already worries about everything but now he has to worry if he'll find his boyfriend convulsing from fear gas in a random alley but also bear who felt the life drain out of darla cannot stand the thought of not helping people and runs headfirst into dangerous situation after dangerous situation hoping that every person he saves can somehow make up for the fact that he could not save darla.

(he very pointedly does not think about the fact that there was nothing he could do because if he thinks about that, he'll spiral until they have to lock him in arkham too)

and so they break up but they were tim & bernard in high school and when they started dating they balanced out the worst of each other and they became tim&bernard. and everyone who knows them, knows that they're better together but they cant be together, they refuse actually because they cannot lose another person to the violence of gotham and by the time they figure out that they cant work together as long as the other is an emt or vigilante, it's too late for both them. they've already left too many pieces of themselves in each other.

tim still knows what bear means when he says "tim" in that exasperated voice. tim still goes boneless when he hears bear say "baby" in that firm tone. bear can still read tim like a book. he still knows the right way to massage tim's neck so that tim can go to sleep. everyone at the first responders gala knows not to bother ceo drake-wayne and senior emt dowd when they're talking.

(and if they're standing a little too close to each other than what is normal, who are they to judge? everyone knows that dowd and drake-wayne have history)

and if everyone on the night shift has caught red robin with his head tucked into the crook of emt dowd's neck as emt dowd runs a soothing hand up and down the vigilante's back, well then, they just quietly back away.

(after all, dowd's one of like, five, emts that can get the bats to receive medical treatment so if turning a blind eye to whatever the fuck they have going on is what allows them to give back to their heroes, then the night shift will do it every time)

and of course, tim and bear are practical people. they loved (love) each other sure, but when your lives are fundamentally incompatible, well, you cant get too stuck on the what-ifs, that's for sure. and so they do find love with other people and yeah, maybe it's not what they expected love to be when they first fell in love with each other. it's not the bubbly, stomach-swoopy, cant stop grinning, feeling that permeated tim&bernard's early days or the i Know you/you Know me that was their middle or the quiet despair that was their end but it is contentment. and in a life with as many losses as theirs, contentment is something they hold dearly

and they're happy! truly! but sometimes, at galas when they're making each other snort champagne out their noses or in darkened alleyways when their clothes are both stained with blood or at rallies for stricter gun regulations in gotham where they both sit too close to each other, fingers enclosed around each other in a death grip, when the presenters inevitably bring up grieves

(worst school shooting in gotham in decades, there's blood on their hands and blood in their mouths and darla is dead in between both of them and there is a chasm so wide that they are screaming to get their voices across and she will always be dead and maybe this had always been the problem that she is dead and there is no coming back from that and that there is blood on their hands and blood in their mouth and blood on their han-)

but sometimes, most especially on opposite sides of the street, as life pulls them in different directions, just sometimes, they see each other and just for a second, nothing too long, the flap of a hummingbird's wings, the time it takes to blink, an electron's orbital, they look at each other and for the briefest moment, blue on brown, a barely noticeable stutter in their steps, the space between heartbeats, because this is all they will give themselves because they do not dwell on what-ifs or what-could-have-beens, or what-should-have-beens, or delusions of a softer world, their eyes meet and they think to themselves, god, in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with him.

[deadhearthotline]

watched World Tour a week ago + finally caved in

what can i say. i love him. he's been swimming circles in my head since i saw him

[solradguy]

Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.

it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages

While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.

The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.

[zeb-z]

“Even if it’s not my fault, it’s still my accident, it’s still my mess. It’s still something that - exists, because I do” oh. and he just doesn’t know another way to help, either, because all his life has been screwing up without helpful direction in order to meet impossible standards, and so there is no other way than to bleed himself dry. for the cause, for a friend in need, for anyone he doesn’t know. especially for the problems that he himself creates, because to him his pure existence has always been the problem, because the elders were fucked as hell and traumatized him to no end - so even causing problems is a sin. a single mistake is a sin. it always has been. and it’s rough trying to learn anything other than that mindset - but Jay and Chip won’t let him struggle alone.

and it’s like - that’s what comes with being raised the way he was. punished for imperfection, but there’s no guidebook, no definition of perfect. and so perfect is never good enough anyway. it’s a trap and there is no winning, so there’s nothing else to do but take the blame and bear it, and internalize it. and it makes actual failure and actual mistakes that much more painful. of course responsibility needs to be taken for your actions - but when you’ve been taking responsibility for everything, up to and including the literal fate of the world, all of your life, every outcome is your fault. and guilt only builds, and resentment only festers. of course he hates the elders for how they treated him. of course he hates himself.

he’s grabbing his own destiny and making his own choices - but the thing about making your own choices is that there are so many of them. there’s no destiny to blame anymore. and all you can do is the best you can. and it’s not always going to be good enough. he’s learned plenty about failure, but with Jay and Chip around, maybe he’ll learn about second chances, and self forgiveness. maybe he’ll learn that accidents aren’t always met with extremes. and that he’s not the only one left to deal with a mess if he slips up and breaks something.

[altruistic-meme]

yeag. i very badly need a local support system.

[rddykilowatt]

ramble ramble ramble ramble zeno beloved ramble ramble ramble ramble

I’m gonna dump akayona thoughts here ‘cause I love this series lots and they make me very happy to ramble about! (warning for spoilers if you’re unaware of anything about zeno or his backstory)

I don’t see a lot of people analyzing or digging at the things that I do, usually they’re more centered around widely known details and fan favorites and such.

So here we go:

Ever since Zeno wiggled his silly way into the group (the dragons, yoon, hak and yona) he completely threw away all of his self preservation. And you can say “well ofc, he’s there to protect yona” but I think you’d be wrong for simplifying it that way. He's such a complex character. Out of all of them he is the one that stands to be the least affected by Yona’s presence same with the presence of the other dragons. He simply decided to approach them on his own accord, they didn’t approach him. This guy has had to kill and run to protect him from others and from himself for millennia.

He’s completely lost his purpose in life by the time we meet him in the series, having lost so much and constantly being at odds with the concept of time. But he found that purpose again in protecting the hhb, which is where I bring this back to the previous statement that he completely threw away all his self preservation, or rather he actually gained some.

During the Xing arc the dragons end up being imprisoned, and Zeno willingly offers himself up to Mizari to have his arm cut off as means to get away easy, but they all outwardly express their disdain toward this. Jae-ha being the one to intervene and avoid Zeno being subjected to such treatment.

Though I think it should be said that he could’ve easily sacrificed himself for them here, it's just his arm right? But he let's Jae-ha intervene and sway the topic away from him. Despite the fact that he could at any moment throughout the series (after his power has been revealed) when there’s a battle or confrontation, power his way through fights and run away or get help at the drop of the hat but guess what? He doesn’t do that, he stopped doing that for the sake of the others. He instead he chooses to stick by the side of his companions even if he could just as easily tear himself apart or be torn apart in order to help them escape.

A good example is this scene in the current arc:

Even with the artifact from Hiryuu castle in their presence that causes there powers to amp up and everything, Zeno sits tight, literally. He sits there tied up tight with the others. I bring this scene up as an example because like I previously stated he could just tear himself apart here, now more than ever to help them escape. But he doesn't.

(Whether this is due to his wisdom beyond years or because he doesn't want to upset the other dragons is up in the air for sure but we're gonna say it's cause he doesn't wanna upset the others for the sake of this post)

I feel like it should be explained further, it’s been brought up multiple times throughout the series where Zeno’s partook, especially in anxiety inducing parts, the others don’t like to see Zeno hurt even if he heals, even if he’s used to the pain. They don’t like it, they’ve been very upfront about how much they hate it, how much it scares them to see him injured in ways that would kill any mortal being, in ways it would kill any of them. Seeing him bleed is the worst experience for them. And I think Zeno makes the conscious choice to no longer completely tear himself apart just to escape in order to save them because he doesn’t want to scare them more than they already are in the situations they get involved in. As well as when it wouldn’t be necessary to do so, when they work together just as well to escape without unnecessarily blood being shed.

Zeno is honestly an enigma of a character, he says a lot but simultaneously says nothing. Which makes me love him even more.

What I’m saying here is all me reading between lines and using my own brain to come up with something that would make sense rather than it being a verbal statement or thought being stated in the series. There’s no real textual evidence that outright states that Zeno has made any of the choices I’ve stated, it’s just my own thoughts surrounding him.

At the end of it all here, I personally believe this is one of the best ways his character could be written, especially as the only one remaining from the original dragons. He gives things away to the group and the readers but only with bits and pieces. The rest is speculation or a matter of putting things together. In my opinion he keeps us hooked into the series, he’s the one character still present that carry’s so much weight and wisdom with him. He’s the one character in the hhb that understands the pain that each separate individual has faced that even they amongst themselves can’t understand.

They’ve all learned how cruel the world can be, how painful being alive is in their own ways but in my opinion Zeno is the only one that understands their individual experiences infinitely. For crying out loud he knows things that the characters around him don’t even know and that we the readers don’t as well. He’s seen and lived through more life than them all combined, but he still holds onto his humanity albeit rather stubbornly. He still continues to learn and grow and above all else he sees that everyone is human and that there can be/is still good in the world even with all the bad.

Yona maybe be in the title of the series, but Zeno is still just as much of a main character as she is.

[todayisafridaynight]

obsessed with the bullets from my 'physical impacts from 'gaming'' notes for class cause they all talk about violence and aggression an yeah that sure is a thing in videogames but have you considered ichiban deserves to enact a lil violence. just a bit. also he's the light of my life and the ray of sunshine in the dark and

[zevrans]

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Me, yesterday, 5:30 PM: wow I’m honestly doing so great at my adult tasks; I’ve gotten some homework done, I went grocery shopping, my laundry is almost dry. I spent so many spoons and I barely feel tired! Maybe I’m finally fully recovering from burnout!

Me, yesterday, 6:00 PM: oh.

[sakurarisen]

...I know I said I was going to get to replies soon, but I'm gonna need a few more days. Pet illness under cut-

On top of being sick myself, my dog's had to be rushed to the vet today - They're keeping him minimum overnight, but there's a LOT wrong with him they're looking to try and help him through, with no guarentee he's going to get better. He's a very sick dog and things are... Right now, they're not looking good, and I'm not handling this any too well right now. While he wasn't trained as a support dog, he's been one for me and losing him, not having him... I want to support him, but I'm also lost and hurting and TERRIFIED, too.

I promise I'm working on stuff as I can, but... It's gonna be a few more days. I have very little focus right now and I think I'm gonna keep off to the side and do blogwork and write what I can with what little focus I can gather - I'm sorry, Y'all. </3

~Pom

[mewtwo24]

You know reading vol 5 of mdzs before all the rest (don't ask me why I'm a clown and there were Circumstances) has to be the craziest experience of my life. Because it took all of ten minutes of wwx talking to literally hit me so hard in the gut I had to sit down and listen to really loud music for a while to calm down.

Who needs therapy when mxtx is alive and writing, I guess????? 🤡

Can't wait to get to the actual tragic parts I just know I'm gonna be that "help" frog phone meme

[halikyon]

The amount of times I've said, "Idk I just kinda burned out on (insert thing here)," recently, when viewed from afar, leads me to believe that maybe I'm just burned out in general.

Maybe I've been burned out a really long time...

When was the last time I looked forward to tomorrow?

[pepprs]

ok so updates w more detail now that i have a little more time to think / write it out. ik it’s silly / tmi to do this on tumblr dot com but whatever lol

i am 90% sure im going to rhode island for a conference in october. this one ive known about for a while and it’s not a big deal bc im not presenting or anything and i’ll know a lot of ppl there and the topic / contrnt / theme is completely in my wheelhouse so i will not be alone and i’ll be in the know abt stuff. lole

i am… 60% sure im going to chicago for a conference in november. and presenting. and i’ll be the only one from my team there. and this will be at a huge like… convention type thing in a field that is not mine and i won’t know anyone there except the other delegation members who will likely all be from the same department. it’s 5 days (!!!) and idk if i’ll be there the whole time but i kinda want to be even if most of it won’t be relevant to me bc.. like id be going alone bc everyone wants me to develop confidence and stuff and realize i can do it and represent us independently. and i want that. but im also fucking terrified in part bc this would be my first time traveling independently since brighton (so like in almost 4 yrs lol). also i have been to chicago before (in 2018 for a different conference) so im scared to like. revisit that. but also excited. like what if i meet someone? but what if im being pushed into this or pushed away? idk and now i can’t focus or articulate myself well bc there’s too much noise and everyone is trying to talk to me (i need to actually be doing work b it im typing this instead bc im freaking the fuck out over all these developments lol). anyways

also…….. i am……. 60% sure i am going to. take a graduate level course this semester. on mondays from 4:30-7. and then apply to be part of that masters program it’s in starting in the spring and ahve that class + a possible winter class count towards the credits. and it would take me 3 yrs to finish the masters. i don’t want one for the sake of havign one and i REALLY don’t want to be in the hell of being torn away from work and self care to do school stuff. but i need a masters degree and have had my eye on this program since i was a sophomore in undergrad and it seems kinda meant to be a little bit. and i get 100% tuition remission bc i work here LOLLLLL so it’ll be completely free which is huge!!!!! and it’s like why the fuck not if i have this opportunity but also im so scared and idk if im cut out for grad school due to my mental illness (unironically lol). help

also i switched desks this week and now i sit where my old supervisor (and my new supervisor / her successor LMAO) sat and this one colleague i have in a different dept who is the sweetest person EVER keeps commenting on it and saying im my old supervisors protege and that im the new her and. it’s making me want to scream a little bit but idk if it’s in a good way or bad way

[icewindandboringhorror]

various little Pictures of thinges