#just my thoughts from last year and now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

psychopomparia · 7 months

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the way my faves changed in Star Rail so much in the past almost year of its release (this is about men btw).

I've been keeping up the date since the beta leaks for this game and if you were to have told me Argenti would be among my top 5, past me would've not believed you.

However, here I am, with multiple Argenti wips and a pre-ordered keychain on it's way.

If you told me Luocha would be my fave, past me would've been doubtful because she saw him pretty but didn't feel enough yet. Now, I have a Luocha standee on my desk and a Luocha drawing as my pfp. He is also my most used character.

If you were to tell past me that Dr. Ratio would be among my faves, past me would've believed you. I have loved that man since the leaks.

I still hold Jing Yuan as among my top faves so past me was right as well for that. He's just been overshadowed by other guys. He's still great, I need to continue building him

#ari rambles #just my thoughts from last year and now #past me had a major dan heng and gepard phase and even a blade phase #now i hold small to no feelings for them #congrats to jing yuan and luocha (esp luocha) for remaning among my faves #congrats to argenti for surprising me and rising to the top now #his pathetic dramatic ass won me #honroable mentions to sunday dan feng and aventurine in that order #me when i find dan feng hotter than dan heng :sob:#anyways these are mY THOUGHTS NOT YOURS

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year

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Redraw of my first post on this blog. Oh how far we've come B'*)

[Now with it's own redraw!]

#better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Credit where it's due: the first one is from November 2022. So its been a bit longer than the post date implies.#It was always part of the plan to re-draw my first wangxian art at the end of each season #but wow I really didn't give enough credit to the power of drawing every day for the last half a year #I've really loved doing this B*) I have found so much confidence in accepting the fact I'm not a 'non-artist' drawing mdzs comics #I'm a REAL artist drawing mdzs #and this is just the start!!!! I will keep drawing and improving and learning! and I will have a big smile like this every time -> B*)#I'm stunned that so many people found this blog so early on. Despite the roughness of my art...yall saw what I struggled to see #which was someone who was worth it #That and how art really is what you decide it is. I thought It had to be perfect. It doesn't need to be perfect. I see that now #I love you all so much! I am so much happier than I have been in years!#Sorry for being sappy twice in a row I promise tomorrow I'll be your little jester again

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hammerhead-jpg · 1 month

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I have come back I know you guys have been starving

For the accession: revenge outfit Scorpius

Idk if I like it but it does it's job for now

#j for the last one I kinda love it tbh💞#yes by my logic the first thing he does after escaping a cult is go change into an even cuntier outfit #he's just real like that #my husband has returned from war and is now probably going to disappear for another 100000 years #erik if you don't kidnap gbä and keep him in your closet I swear to God #yes I could make a post talking about my thoughts abt the newest episode #but sometimes I like watching stuff and not stopping to ponder about whether it is well written or not #just for my own pease💞#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted scorpius #redacted brachium #redacted fanart #hmrhd arts

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lunarharp · 25 days

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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

#dragon age tag #i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below #weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type #it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me #if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year #almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol #tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3 #and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me #but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me #sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points #witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too #which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3 #my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free #Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...

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buttercupshands · 1 day

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Mha sketch dump!

feat. LoV sleeping and other things

So there's that World Hero vote going now, BUT there's also basically a personal Top 5 thing too

I thought about my top 5 for a bit and ended up with this

But as it was I didn't like that we don't exactly have a way to make multiple characters have same place like that character sorter. But my top 3 would've shared 1st place

And also it gave me some inspiration so I sketched Izuku and later Tomura. And here started the sketch wave, bc choosing AFOmura for the Tomura pic is... A choice and so there are two Tomura's on the sketch, with AFOmura getting the 2nd amd Tomura 1st

I got a bit frustrated with how I drew them so I decided to try to redraw some stuff while keeping with mha style as close as I could

I was a bit... Surprised? To see my own progress as the last time I did a thing like this it wasn't that good

Trying to simplify the style instead bc I was getting sleepy didn't help

#fanart #sketch #my art #bnha #league of villains #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura #midoriya izuku #toga himiko #dabi #toya todoroki #spinner #shuichi iguchi #mr compress #jin bubaigawara #Had isat ost on a loop for the LoV sketch #It was my last one and I like it the most #I wanted to sketch something like that for a long time even more so after... Final arc #Was thinking about stuff while drawing #Like how Izuku tried to save Tomura and yet the moment he (Tenko) was free from all those feelings #He just thought of his friends and later LoV and refused to give up on that #And it wasn't even a choice that could've changed anything with how he was slowly dying after that blow and AFO's involvement #Isat is so easy to crossover with mha actually just take Izuku's arc and boom #I thought about LoV tho #One would ask when don't I do that #Hyperfixation is slowly becoming durable so I'm mostly trying stuff out and mixing now #This sketch dump was a spontaneous thing just because I saw that one top 5 thing #Because drawing mha stuff is pretty painful! That's why I drew LoV sleeping #I was literally thinking of dropping the sketches halfway with most of them #But in any case LoV always has a special place in my heart it's been 5 years after all

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months

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...

#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time #chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed #away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all #things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get #to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just #miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im #crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the #same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated

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b4kuch1n · 9 months

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hi! birthday. which means it's finally time t

yo what the itch store is fixed up now

damn what? I don't know where this came from. look all the comics I put on g*mr**d a year ago are back here again with all the formatting and typesetting by @fireflysummers as well as the exclusive bonus art wtf who did this. my werewolf comic on here too what the hells!! that one also got re-toned for printing if u want to AND an exclusive cover spread !!! what the fuck!!!!! come see for urself I can't make this shit up

#bakuspecial #comic #itch.io #bakugoods #<- made up a tag for when I sell things that aren't commissions just now #for folks who still remember me talking abt a physical run of these comics: I'm so sorry this year and the last have been brutal #and I live in a well and suffer a curse of international mails never going well. so the logistics became Very complicated #I still think abt it tho! I've prepped up all the assets just bc I thought abt it so much... we picked out a gift print for the orders #And a bonus print for the pack #but I couldn't gather my brain enough to make it happen. yet #it takes a bit of overhead so I gotta build that up. which is. right now talk for after the shit that just happened to me got smoothed out #but I do want it to happen. I've been sitting on this exclusive custom print for like two years now #I really love that drawing its so cute. I still hold that project close to my heart #anyways uhh itch store! happy birthday to me!#last year this time was so rough I didn't even Want to think about my birthday lol #strangely enough with this small little fragmentation grenade we just got I became more motivated to fuck around on my bday lmao #probably out of spite. hammer philosophy #my parents love making a whole thing out of me and the brother's bdays lol so dinner's gonna be something #but for now I can still chill. and prep up stuff. and do my thang #if u look thru the itch store and get something from there thank u so much! I hope the comics treat u well #and now. I make hot drink. have a good day lads! do a little jig for us let's go

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imerian · 3 months

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I have a thought that is nagging me and i hope very much that I'm wrong but it's still there

The thought is that lately loscar mentions feels kinda pr? I'm not sure how to describe it but it feels like teams saw how positive people react to them mentioning eachother and went "hey can you do this a bit more? I think crowd gonna eat this shit up"

Like I HOPE that I'm wrong but it has a bit of a feeling to it lately

#or maybe it's just how often they get those questions #but like last year oscar answered that he knows lando the best and now he says logan #and it's either their communication got so much better since the start of 2023 till now that it became truth #or pr team saw reaction of fans and worked from there #i pray every day that I'm wrong but you can't believe a thing in here usually lol #anyway I'm still content knowing that they r actual friends even if public part of it can be a bit played up #loscar #logan sargeant #oscar piastri #please don't think that this is negative or attacking in any way i just need to share my thoughts

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blujayonthewing · 5 months

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pitched battle inside my brain between the part of me that's desperately shaking myself by the shoulders going "YOU HAVE GOT TO ACTUALLY LIVE THE KIND OF LIFE YOU IMAGINE INSTEAD OF JUST SITTING AROUND IMAGINING IT UNTIL YOU DIE!!" and the part of me that's clutching my face going "is this allowed? is this allowed?? is this allowed???"

#trying to plan a solo cicada pilgrimage and getting brainworms about it yeehaw #'making a lot of plans and never actually doing things in real life' has been a problem for literally as long as I can remember #but I also feel like I've developed a learned helplessness over the last several years that's gotten worse as I've gotten older??#me age twenty: I think I'm gonna take myself to chicago next week because I feel like going to the zoo #me age thirty: am I allowed to go camping alone. am I allowed to do a solo road trip. I need a grownup #to be extremely clear I am very much allowed and this is not justin's fault and I don't know where it comes from #like I'll run things by him lowkey seeking 'permission' that I don't even need and he'll be like 'yeah that sounds good to me'#and then I STILL won't do the thing because like. my brain keeps insisting there needs to be a grownup in charge?? HELLO I'M GROWNUP #anyway I'm doing cicada trip solo BECAUSE-- the drive is so long I want to do five days because two of them will just be driving #and he can't get that much time off work right now #AND because I literally only want to Be Camping and Looking At Bugs but he'd get bored of a week of that he likes Activities #me this morning getting insecure and weird: what are your thoughts... on cicada voyage....#him after at first not even understanding the question: I'm SO excited for you?? you deserve to get to go absolutely feral???#I do.... ;n; 💕 why am I so scared to be a person.......#about me #cicada quest

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ef-1 · 8 months

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girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

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fereldanwench · 3 months

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lmao i was like 'i think i'm chill now' and then see WRONG OPINIONS about a CERTAIN GAME and nope I'm still annoyed

#god how does this series/fandom have this effect on me #it's been 10 years #i thought i was fine #i was wrong lmao #SO WRONG #granted everything is awful right now #i don't know what tf going on with my cat #and our vet is supposed to call us by COB today but clock's ticking #MY medication is also fucked right now and i was supposed to have a refill today but it got pushed back #now im depressed and i cant make anything but i also can't just relax #husbando and i are both miserable bc we're so worried about ares and we're starting to snip at each other #and um just kinda feeling like the last idk 4 years have been a never-ending series of trials and tribulations #and i would very much like a break :)#if that's not too much to ask for thank you #t: wench.txt #eta - in case i need to clarify im being facetious about wrong opinions #they're just ~*different*~ from mine

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peridots-pixiwolf · 6 months

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[Start ID. A dark, warm-toned drawing of Tundra, a robot with bladed legs and mechanical hands both lightened by frost, and a face like that of a fencing mask. She wears a blue jacket with a fluffy white ruff and pockets on the shoulders and chest, a long green skirt with tassels and pale wavy lines at the border, and a brown belt with a pouch at the side. She's shown from the right, leaning back on a stack of pillows and a wooden wall as she looks out to the left, disregarding the open book in her hand, her legs bent in front of her. Under her is a yellow and red rug which pads gritty flooring, over her are series of low, round string lights, providing soft lighting in a room that's partially open to the night sky.]

it's a friend's birthday today yet again... in honor of the occasion here's a Tundra for @automatonknight :]

#peridots-art #tundra lisa #< for lisa the hopeful? not sure if it's right to add that but thought she could have an extra tag...#mieczmaszyna #< been a while since that url... speaking of older names (one from around this time last year) you'll never guess what she's reading hehehe #@qwerty second year in a row of drawing a guy for you yippie!!! i really like tundra's design AND i really like drawing cozy scenes like #this so. even if it's a small drawing and didn't take that long i'm happy it turned out well!! actually finished it quick enough that i had #to wait for it to turn 12 in my timezone to post it :] anyway all of your characters are so dear to me and if i don't end up personally #telling you later i hope you have a great day today!! ok well that's all i think + goodnight :]#others' ocs #< ok i DID miss a tag but i haven't used it in a while! now that's one i need to see to using more often hehehehehe #OH JUST REMEMBERED TOO. i was eating pierogis near when i first began drawing this. poland moment (???????)

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rainbowangel110 · 27 days

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one fucking assignment huh.

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longagoitwastuesday · 1 month

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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn

#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them #But like. I expected so much of him #Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago #Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene #I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him #And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's #I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him #But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing #Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know #I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD #I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this #This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play #in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD #And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man #It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter #After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please #We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too #If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess #I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD #I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD #It could be soooo good and it always almost is #And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan #Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD #I talk too much

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bunnihearted · 5 months

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lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :((#it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more.#so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

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that-foul-legacy-lover · 13 days

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today just will not let me rest huh. reasons are in the tags but i get very emotional just be warned

#hush n shush wifi #just a tad sad #actually more like angry as shit #okay let me TELL YALL about my day #first: the annoying #i was going shopping at a grocery warehouse and you know how those parking lots are always super crowded?#well it was. there were no parking spots and there were so many cars and people trying to go everywhere #i scraped my wheels too which is fine but one of my relatives who likes cars acts like it's a sin #so that shook me up enough that i didn't go outside for the rest of the day #and THEN #OHHHH AND FUCKING THEN.#if anyone remembers the absolute ass of a person from last year who i thought was my friend but said horrible things to me out of the blue #WELL THEY CAME BACK #i never got a chance to block them initially because they blocked me first #BUT I GOT FUCKING MESSAGES FROM THEM TONIGHT #AND ALL THEY WERE SAYING WAS ESSENTIALLY THAT THEY MEANT WHAT THEY SAID #they said some bullshit about the execution being wrong and that their ex wrote it for them #which by the way is just scummy on its own #and that they get mad emotionally which is a horrible excuse #and had the AUDACITY TO ASK IF I HAD ANY QUESTIONS #IN WHAT DELUDED SELF CENTERED WORLD DO YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN TO THINK I WOULD EVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN #my trust is a VERY VERY FRAGILE THING #AND THIS IS A VERY LARGE CONTRIBUTOR TO IT #this isn't an apology. they regret none of it #this is a way for them to make themself feel better #the scariest part is that this person by now is almost/IS an adult #which is terrifying if that means there are more people like that out there #i try not to wish ill will but i genuinely hope no one ever has to suffer through being their 'friend' ever again #anyways they're blocked on all of my platforms now.#if the person is somehow reading this. hi! never talk to me again. you're a horrible human being with no consideration for other's feelings

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