#just seeing one mans passion project has such an emotional impact on me more than any corporation could fathom

[lgalacticjayl]

Having a lot of goth thoughts tonight

[theagstd]

One Night Stand

➥ rundown ; as if the unexpected twist of a one-night stand turning out to be your CEO boss wasn't surreal enough, the situation takes a more challenging turn when both of you discover that you're expecting his child.

→ genre ; strangers to lovers | CEO au | pregnancy trope | slowburn

→ Jungkook x y/n

→ contains smut, fluff and angst

→ Chapter Three ; wc | 6.5k

primarily on Wattpad

Chapter Three

index ⇢ next chapter

"Okay now this is so fucking amazing! he really decided to choose me of all, this was unbelievable but- also what the heck?" You speak to yourself, walking side by side in your living room while you bite your nails and look at the damn email that you received.

Congratulations on Your New Role as Graphic Designer

Dear Ms Lee Y/L/N,

I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to extend my heartfelt congratulations on being selected for the Graphic Designer position at Jeon Industries.

We are thrilled to welcome someone of your talent to our team. Your portfolio speaks volumes about your ability to bring fresh and innovative ideas to our projects. We are confident that your expertise will significantly contribute to the success of our design team and elevate the visual appeal of our brand.

As you prepare to embark on this new journey with us, please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or if there's anything you need to facilitate a smooth transition. We believe that your unique perspective and skills will be invaluable to our ongoing projects, and we look forward to seeing the positive impact you will undoubtedly make.

Once again, congratulations on this well-deserved achievement. We are excited to have you on board and are confident that you will thrive in your role as a key member of our creative team. If there are any preliminary tasks or preparations required before your start date, please let us know, and we'll be happy to assist

Best regards,

Lee Y/L/N

Graphic designer

Jeon industries

See, the mail looks inviting, warm, exciting, and a mix of emotions rush inside your system. It's happiness as well as nervousness and anxiety. Like you're unsure of this yet. It doesn't sound very accepting yet, especially after you've seen the CEO himself. "they really did not have any choice?" You ask yourself and sit on the couch. As you give it thought, it also sounds funny. Remembering your now CEO, Mr. Jeon. You think that he probably has had many nightstands in his life.

It isn't surprising, as he's like every other man who has his needs, besides he's also good-looking and very rich. chuckling, you mentally slap yourself at the though of him fucking other women. "Sounds so fun!" You tell out loud, planning to hook up with someone sooner again. But with work now, you don't think you'll find the time especially after the phone call you received by an unknown number that was from Jeon Industries,

informing you that they need you present tomorrow to sign the contract and immediately begin work as the recruitment process had taken way too much longer than planned and the new project coming up needs you to be a part of the innovations too. That definitely scares you, thinking about how you're gonna work tomorrow and it being your first day sounds so hectic but now you've got nothing to care about except the job. You've finally been recruited after working at multiple cafés for a small salary. saying goodbye to the few friends you made at the cafe wasn't too bad considering how the friendship lasted for just about 3 months. you changed jobs a number of time so it wasn't a big deal neither was it too sad. 

But working your passion, graphic designing is all that you've been wanting, and when the opportunity grabs your hand, all you've got to do is hold it back and tighten it to your palms. Leaving your phone on the couch you moved to your bedroom, grabbing the outfit that you're gonna wear tomorrow so you could iron it with no creases since you must look presentable on your first day.

You're gonna meet the other employees, see everyone there so you must look amazing too. Considering how elegantly the women looked when you first entered the Jeon building for your interview they walk around with files in their hands, their identification card around their necks and their heels clicking on the tiles, carrying them confidently.

You picked out a black turtleneck and wide leg pants that were grey to match with your top. It was classy and simple enough for your 8 hour shift. Dinner was down too, you weren't very good at cooking even though your mother passed down her old recipes to you in her cookbook that's probably somewhere inside a drawer, dusty and torn papers. You're not the cleanest person you know and you are also not one to treasure stuff, the cook book was your moms precious item but it's hidden under tools and you're the least bothered about it. So you stuck to eating food from the convenience stores down the street as it's open 24/7. It's one of the best parts about Korea, having stores open every hour and having a wide range of food to choose from.

It's amazing and there's always something new to try, it's fresh too and keeps you healthy or that's what you think. You missed out on it while you were at college because even though you were born in Daegu and your parents are from Daegu and Ilsan, you three moved to Canada at a very young age due to most of your family migrating there and also for financial purposes since your dad worked there for years and basically lived in Canada all his life even after marriage until he decided to move his family there so he wouldn't have to transfer money and was also welcomed home to his wife's and daughter's presence.

Preparing for bed, you picked up your favourite book 'shatter me' that you've been hooked on the past few days, it's a better way to fall asleep than viewing social media at night. The words blurred a bit while you read, until your eyes completely shut so you placed your book at the night stand and turned to hug your plushy so you could sleep well.

-

You are glad that the loud sound of your alarm broke your sleep and hurried you to dress up. you're glad that your apartment has a close distance to the building you are now working at. It's just a few kilometers and that allows you to be calm. When you stepped into the building, you were guided by the staff member to the CEO's cabin. You take a deep breath before you step inside the room to see the man seated on his chair, in his tailored black coat that was put around his chair leaving him with his shirt and inner waist coat. He was typing into his mac book and when you walked in, his eyes flicked to your figure then back to his screen.

The man who guided you here, whispers over to you to take a seat and pay attention to Mr. Jeon's words. Jungkook looks at you when you've finally settled on the chair, he pushes his mac book down and looks at you with his dark hooded eyes that look empty. Before his eyes could meet yours, he saw the fumbling of your fingers, that portrayed your nervousness to him even though your face showed no sign of anxiousness. He looks into your eyes as yours bore to him. One thing he now knows is that alcohol does shit to people but he doesn't think it affects you much because even though your breath reeked of champagne and your movements assured him that you're so fucking drunk, he can still see the same person seated in front of him. Only a bit more contained and disciplined and who speaks with respect.

"How have you been, Ms Lee?" He questioned you with an intimidating voice, he now places his arms on the table as his palms join together while he glares at you. His stares do make you flush but you avoid thinking about it so the effect doesn't show itself on your face. "Very well, Mr Jeon, how have you been?" You replied to him, keeping up an affirm tone, to hide back your anxiousness that slowly creeps up in between seconds. "Likewise." He responded confidently while his fingers drummed on his table that definitely didn't go unnoticed by you, his slim fingers looked gorgeous and were so beautifully molded.

The man tossed a file in front of you after questioning your wellbeing. "Read this carefully, and sign it if you agree on the terms and conditions and are fully aware of the employment contract." nodding at his words, you open up the document and progress to read each page not missing out on a single word. You don't want to make any mistakes so you go slow and steady with this, as it's the first step.

You signed the papers when you found everything okay, it was all fine and you agreed on all rules and information listed. "If you have any questions, proceed to ask Mr. Jung. He will give you a tour around here. You may leave." He muttered as he got back to his work, opening his mac and typing what he left incomplete. His tone was not something you were a huge fan of, it was arrogant, you could see it but he was also so full of attitude and full of himself. He spoke a handful of words and they were already too painful for your ears. You stood from your chair, bowed at the man before leaving the room.

You left out a loud exhale and walked out of the room. Mr Jung, the man with parted hair, full suit and a long face stood beside you after you walked out, he chuckled when he heard you sigh. "We all feel that when we meet Mr. Jeon. Let me give you a tour of the building" He guided you to the elevator, taking to you on level 31, just one floor below Mr Jeon's office. As the elevator opened up, you could see how well focused and quiet this department was. You walked along with Mr Jung, and he led you to your area.

"So this is the most important department, the graphic designing department, since our company Jeon Industries prioritizes our employees needs and wants, we have a very comfortable and convenient area for you, as you're the graphic director. There's some important features you must know. Before that, let me introduce myself. I'm Jung Hoseok, the manager of this department, you can call me Hoseok."

He reached his hand out to you, which you gladly shook with a smile on your face. The man had a beautiful smile that expressed his kindness and softness in his voice. "So, as you are aware, Jeon Industries specialises in advertising and selling of brands, brands that we own, as well as supporting the biggest companies out there. How does graphic designing work out? Well, we do adverts for the biggest and the best companies in a variety of industries, makeup industry, fashion industry, and even the food industry. And to mention Mr Jeon also has his own brand of clothing. Hence, this falls quite heavy on the graphic director, you."

Hoseok said, this made you exhale a quick breath, which you soon covered with a smile when you hear the man speak about his serious business. "It's not too bad, you'll do it. And The campaigns that you've obviously seen on TV, social media of Dior makeup, Kylie cosmetics, Balenciaga, Calvin Klein, Celine, Gucci, Louis Vuttion, Veneta Bottega and more were done by us, thus increasing their sales like shooo."

He gestured with his hands, showing the increase of sales and exaggerating it. "We've been doing well in the business world and have very high recognition for our amazing advertising team and creativity, so you've got to work a bit harder. We've got a project in two days and that's the reason why I'm explaining things fast and detailed. You must be prepared for anything and please don't hesitate to ask anything from me.

Treat me as your friend." He placed his hand on his chest and bowed. You already liked this man a lot. "So I will leave yo -" "Well, well, look, who's here?" A raspy honey-like voice spoke, you turned around to face it, and there you saw a beautiful man walking towards you with his palms inside his pants pocket. His beauty was out of this world, his expressive eyes that looked into your soul, and his walk? He doesn't walk, he models.

You noticed how Hoseok was sighing deeply when he saw the arrival of this man, he scratched his forehead and looked away, without meeting your curious eyes. "So this is our new graphic director? Ms. Lee Y/n! The one who replaced me in this position with zero work experience." You frown when you hear the words that come out of his mouth. Replaced him? Was he supposed to be taking this job? "Jimin, there's no need to -"

"Ah, ah, there is a need to let her know the damage she's done." The man pushed his silky blonde hair back and smirked. you noticed how plump his lips are, looking at you with a fake smile. "I was supposed to be the creative director, but you, Ms. No work experience replaced me! So you'll have to pay for it. You've got to survive in this job before you fly high." He speaks, gritting his words from his teeth before he walks away, knocking Hoseok with his shoulder. You looked over at Mr Jung, who clicks his tongue and heaves a sigh. You needed an explanation, if that man is gonna bully you at work for something you hadn't done and have no idea about, then you're gonna have to let the CEO know about this, you're not here to tolerate shit.

"Mr Park didn't-" "What did he mean by I replaced his position?" You asked, curious as to why the man was blaming you with hatred. "Since all the applicants weren't to the standard, Mr Jeon acknowledged Mr. Park and considered handing over the position to Jimin but that was not promised, the shortlist of applicants were not up to mark until you turned up so Mr Jeon decided to fill the vacancy with you."

"Why did Mr Jeon not give the position to Jimin? Hasn't he been working here before?" Hoseok looked at the ground, contemplating if he should go into more detail with this, but he decided it would be best if you know what the problem is since it concerns you.

"You see filling the vacancy with internal recruitment is a good idea, Jimin is well aware of how things work but filling the vacancy from external recruitment brings new ideas to the business and that's exactly what Jeon Industries needs you know-" Hoseok spoke, obviously hiding something because his eyes looked everywhere except yours which was quite obvious since he spoke to you making eye contact before. "Is there anything more?" He bit his lower lip, caught.

Is he really an open book with his expressions, he thought. "Well- Mr Jeon does not like Jimin very much, it's due to Jimin's behavior towards work but anyways I'm gonna let you look around your work space, remember if you need me I'm just by the corner of the right corridor."

Hoseok said, and you nodded, thanking him and letting him continue his work. You walked inside your corner, taking a seat on the office chair,looking around your personal office. You've now got a desktop, a laptop, and an ipad of your own to work with. There's some files and papers lying around and expensive stationery too, but overall what you liked the best was the privacy that you obtained here, your own working space.

"Wow, this is very different from a cafe." you speak to yourself and laughed quietly about it, Sighing, you leaned back on the chair and closed your eyes. You finally got a job that can show your abilities. Applying the years of hard work is gonna pay off now, and that makes you feel so happy.

-

waking up at 7 in the morning is difficult considering how you usually work part-time at the cafe so you had your own shifts but full time working is new to you, though it's exciting it is also nerve-wrecking to wake up so early and it's still your second day at work. 

You didn't have much to do today, but you were informed to be prepared for a meeting tomorrow that will test your abilities. It's a meeting with Han Paris, and he's said to be the largest alcohol manufacturer and wants to advertise his latest alcohol flavor to the market. No lie but you're definitely feeling anxious about it but nevertheless you were ready to take up the challenge to showcase the best idea out of all now that you've got the position, you must show justice to it and not disappoint the CEO himself. When you got home, you finally felt relieved, like a burden was removed from your shoulders.

You've been living off with a pretty okay number of won that you earned from the café that you worked part time in. Finally, you're earning a salary that serves the right amount to live off with. To pay your rent, your monthly rations, and even have a very fair percentage to save or get yourself anything you want. Getting into your pj's, you prepared dinner for yourself, just a light salad, nothing too heavy, because Hoseok treated you with an evening snack as a welcome gift from him . That was a very sweet act. You didn't have to think about tomorrow's breakfast because the cafeteria is always open and the food tastes amazing!

You decided to check out some of the advertisements done by Jeon Industries just to get an idea of what they've been doing for years. So you pulled out your work laptop, Hoseok said you could take it home for any preparations, so this was the opportunity to use it. Everything was already saved in the folders. What blew your mind was that each ad campaign was very different from one another. That makes you think how innovative the ideas of the designers are, and that also scares you because tomorrow you will be seated with them and they'll be your competitors, though you all aim to just get the deal for Mr. Jeon.

You've got to present your idea and hear them out but it's not that easy, you want yours to stand out because it's not just about the idea, it's also a test that Mr Jeon has put you to, Hoseok mentioned that if Mr Jeon says you to be prepared he means it. Everything should be perfect, as he's a perfectionist, you can't afford to make a mistake. You're gonna work hard to achieve it. Moreover, it's his reputation and money that's at stake. Anyone would want it to be perfect. Once you've grasped the amazing and unique ideas of the past campaigns, you decided to research Han Paris and his business.

Since apparently, the latest wine has never been in the market before, the target audience is adults that drink and if that's not enough the prices of the wine are premium, that explains enough to you. You really took time to read every detail mentioned in the document that was sent by Hoseok, and then you took some time to think. The alcohol flavour is not just any berry, It's a vanilla mulberry flavour. When you think of berries, you remember the beautiful nature, but also, you remember how you grew up with your grandmother, spending your holidays with her at her lovely cottage where she planted a variety of vegetables and fruits. You smiled, remembering those tiny moments in life. You looked at the bottle and the packaging of the wine, it's very classy and expensive. Nevertheless, you decided to stick to your own vision of creativity. Maybe something new and out of the box could make it? We don't know unless we try.

You did a little presentation, wrote down details and points regarding it, and prepared yourself for what's coming tomorrow.

-

it's meeting day and you're nervous, your face shows and your fumbling with the fingers give it away too. but you're so glad that Hoseok was there by your side to give your company so you don't feel alone. for the betterment of your meeting, Hoseok advised you about how things work here during meetings. He'd also give you more closure to the CEO's working attitudes. How Mr Jeon, has direct communication, he'd give feedback only when he wants to, if he doesn't. Don't expect. Decisions made by the CEO are tough and final, he prioritizes the efficiency for his business and has high standards that he expects his employees to achieve and exceed, as a matter of fact, Mr Jeon has limited social interactions and he avoids making conversations to anyone in the building. "He may also raise his tone, if he's unsatisfied with your job, so don't freak out." Hoseok says at which you roll your eyes. Of course, he's got the money. And the right to do so.

Lucky for you, you haven't seen much of him after signing the contract, but since he'll be here for the meeting, you wont lie that you feel slightly more than just nervous now, knowing more about him. Its funny how he was a totally different human when he fucked you.

At 2 p.m., you walked into the board room along with a handful of other staff members that included Jimin. You took your seat, and Jimin sat in front of you. You didn't miss how his eyes looked right through you or how his eyebrows moved a lot while he smirks. He looked confident, very confident that his idea will be selected, and it's only making you feel anxious but you keep your face as blank as an empty canvas so no one sees what you feel inside. In about 10 minutes, the CEO of Paris Aliénor, Han Paris and three of his staff members walked inside. Everyone in the room stood to greet him. The man had minimal facial action, that means he had no smile. But he did have his chin raised, like he belongs here and holds superiority.

"Where's Mr Jeon?" He questioned and the staff looked at each other's faces, including you. "Uh, Mr. Jeon will be-" "call him now. You -" he pointed at you with his index finger. "Call Mr Jeon right now. My time is precious." You looked at him and pointed your finger at yourself because you weren't certain if he gave the instruction to you, the staff seated beside you elbowed you and gestured you to do as he said as you nodded and stood from your chair to get Mr Jeon.

"Shit, why did he tell me?" You murmured to yourself while walking towards the CEO's cabin. "Fuck, Just knock, poke your head in, and tell him to come, that's it." You exhaled and then pushed the door open only for it to be fully opened by Mr Jeon himself. You stumbled a bit and then looked up at him, and he looked down at you. "Uh- Mr. Han asked for y- "I know, you may leave."

He spoke without glancing over you even once, the tone he uses to speak has a hint of arrogance. It was rude. You nodded your head and walked forward while he followed you. Jungkook looked at your back while you walked, that same back;

"Fuck- let me go! Horny." You speak as the man tried to put his dick back inside you but you're worn out and cant take anymore, its almost 3 am and you've both been fucking each other like animals. It seems like it wasn't just you that was desperate for sex, he was too. Much more than you. "Fuck- one more round." He whispers to your ear in his raspy voice but you pushed him away and stood from the bed that was wet from all that white slime.

"No, i don't think i could walk-" your feet wobbled a bit when you stood, you didn't walk until you balanced well. The man admired your naked back, he loved how you had the perfect proportions. He could not take his eyes off you. "Seems like your ex hadn't fucked you right." This made you chuckle. "He didn't." You picked up your dress and lingerie, hooking it before slipping into the black dress. "Quickie, i'll be fast-" "get your ass home!" You both bickered, he looked up at the ceiling and laughed quietly. "Zip it up for me."

He turns his gaze on you, sees your back out open. Smirking as he grows closer to you, the elbow helps him lift himself higher so he can zip the dress up, he did, slowly as he took the time to kiss. "Fuck! you're one fucking woman!" "Of course I am." He places his palm on your hair, gripping it and pulling you down to kiss your neck. "I'll mark you for the last time, darling. Then leave and don't ever come back."

He shook his head to forget what he did and all that he told you. He had to permanently delete it off his brain, god he was so done with this. He could sense the tension, but he didn't want to act obvious. You both walked into the board room, and everyone greeted each other before the meeting started. Everything was going okay until the staff were asked to present their ideas. Jimin started off first, and his idea was a classy club advertisement. Han Paris seemed to really like it because you noticed how he kept nodding his head while Jimin spoke the details out and explained his vision. Mr. Jeon had no expressions on his face, like a clear palette. No emotions.

"Thank you so much for your attention." He spoke before taking his seat. He looked at you with a smirk like as if he had already won, and that only made things more difficult for you. Jimin mouthed, 'I win' with his plump lips and you sighed in nervousness, Jungkook noticed the interaction between the two of you, glancing at Jimin then you and he understood immediately, this was Jimin's trick to always out on his opponent even if they both work for the same company. "Ms. Lee, anything prepared for us today?"

Jungkook spoke, and you soon looked at him and then nodded. You've always been confident. Just go for it, don't let anyone make you feel nervous, come on. You thought to yourself and stood from the chair, walking towards the center, you plugged the wire to the laptop and the screen showed everyone your presentation.

You cleared your throat and then spoke about your idea. Everyone had their eyes on you, and that somehow made you feel comfortable talking more about your idea as they seemed interested. "When I first read the description of the product, It immediately took me back to my old days where I would spend my vacation with my aunt and grandmother in the countryside. We had a beautiful mulberry tree, that is the main feature of you-" "can we move on to the other details."

Han Paris interrupted your speech, wanting you to skip the part of your opinion on alcohol. He found it unnecessary and a waste of time. "Uh, s-sure." although you were understanding, it somehow broke your confidence and your flow of speech. suddenly you don't know what exactly to say so you just conclude the speech as fast as you can, so you don't feel anymore anxious

"I think a 90s colourful theme of an advertisement would attract more adults to try out the new flavour, in my opinion, that brings us to an end, thank you for hearing me out." Everyone nodded and gave a slow round of applause while you walked towards your chair to take a seat. Jungkook looked at you from the corner of his eyes and sighed. "What do you think, Mr Jeon?"

Han Paris questioned him, and then Jungkook turned to face him with a fake smile. "I think all my employees' ideas are very unique in their own ways. It's best if you decide along with your team." Han contemplated a little, speaking to his secretary and a few other businessmen from his side, and then he nodded when everyone agreed to him.

"I find Park Jimin's idea suitable. I appreciate everyone's efforts, but I'm going with Park Jimin's." Jimin looked at you and scoffed in arrogance, his actions made you feel worse about yourself. Jungkook nodded and then spoke, "we will begin with the preparations of shooting the advertisement." He swiftly looked at you as you're the creative director now and have to engage in the entire creature process.

"That sounds good to me." Han spoke and then shook hands with Jungkook as they both stood from their seats and then Han walked out of the room, Jungkook fixed his tie in place and looked around the room, he could see how upset you looked behind that fake smile you put on. "Everyone did their best, and all ideas were great in their own way. Don't feel down because you weren't chosen today. There's always a next time."

He spoke still coldly, it's what he always says once a meeting is done. you appreciated his words that he said before he walked away, after everyone stood from their seats to pay respect. "Oh, Ms. Lee, maybe next time, mm?" Jimin spoke and chuckled as he left with the rest of the staff, leaving you alone. You're not being dramatic. You're just embarrassed, and that's obvious. In front of your boss? And stupid Park Jimin, who now has something to laugh and mock about. You stood from your seat and took your belongings as you walked towards your desk. As soon as you placed your stuff and sat on the chair, Hoseok ran towards you.

"Hey, I heard the meeting went well. How was it for you?" You looked up at him and gave him a soft smile that he didn't mirror because he could see that it was fake. "What's wrong?" You sighed deeply and said, "it was okay, Jimin's idea was chosen." Hoseok rolled his eyes. He knew Jimin was already too arrogant and proud of his idea. Now that his idea was chosen, he's surely gonna make it a huge deal. "You did your best, and this was your first meeting. Come on. Cheer up"

You nodded and then chuckled sarcastically under your breath as you whispered, "Han Paris literally embarrassed me in front of everyone." Hoseok squinted his eyes and looked at you with concern. "What did he do?" "He shut me when I gave my own opinion and a story about my family relating to his wine." Hoseok groaned loudly and then looked at you, "you know what, screw him. Let's go get you a treat." You frowned and looked up at him.

"Treat?" "In celebration of your first meeting in Jeon Industries. Come on!" He gave you a wide smile, his white smile and oh boy, does that smile look lovely. You nodded, standing from your seat. You followed him to the elevator to get to the cafeteria. Hoseok is the only one who's being nice to you so far. Everyone else seems to have not noticed your presence yet.

"Did you have your lunch?" "Uh not yet, but-" "I need two cheeseburgers, two sprites, and a blueberry cheesecake, please." He ordered lunch for you even though it was not necessary. Maybe you should treat him with lunch next time. In a few minutes, he walked towards the table with the food in his hands, giving you a wide smile as he handed over your share of the lunch.

"Thanks, Hoseok." "No mention." He said as you both took a bite of the oozing cheese burger. He then took out the little box from the brown paper bag and placed it in front of you, "Here's your treat, the best cheesecake in town for your first ever meeting here at Jeon Industries, congratulations! More to come." You began to laugh, and so did he, laughing out really loud.

Like really loud. "You didn't have to." You say, and he waved with his hand, gesturing to you that it's fine. "I wanted to do this, and we can also take it as the beginning of our friendship." "Sure." The both of you giggled and high five. Hoseok took this time to speak a little more about himself and he even mentioned that his family and friends called him 'Hobi,' so you decided to tease him with the name Hobi too, he shrugged and said he doesn't mind it.

You didn't want to speak a lot about yourself, but you're surely excited to hear more about him. Like this, the working day ended and you didn't really feel bad about the meeting after all, it's a part of learning and now you know you should limit your speech when it comes to your opinion, people like Han Paris just don't care.

You learnt quite a lot for the day, and when you thought this was gonna be the worst day, it turned out better than you imagined. Except meeting Park Jimin in the basement. You walked towards your car, humming to yourself in your own world. Jimin rested his back in your car with folded arms and a smirk on his face. He's the last person you wanted to see.

He's getting on your nerves now. "Well, Ms. Lee, I came here to congratulate you." 'How you embarrassed yourself!' He could clearly see the frustration in your eyes and frown lines. Deeply exhaling, you continued to walk to the driver's side, opening the door, but he closed it with his hand and leaned towards it. "Oh, come on."

"What do you want, Jimin?" You murmured exhaustedly, still holding onto your car door not meeting his eyes because you just want to go home and sleep, you laughed too much today, ate too much, Hoseok treated you with his hidden snacks and you spoke for hours. You need some rest to get charged for tomorrow, and Jimin is certainly not helping. He sniggered cockily, not making any eye contact he looked up at the other cars that were leaving the car park.

"What do I want? Mmm, I love that question- I want your position, and I can only get that once you're out of here." Lord, it's been just your second day, and the man here is trying his best to get you out of your job. Why? Like he's already been paid well. "Jimin, not today, please -" "nuh uh, you stay here."

He pouted his index finger at the ground, showing his dominance with them and how he made his eye contact, his eyes so dark that you couldn't even see any light in them. "Jimin, I'm not in a mood to argu-" "So hear me out!" He spoke louder, making you flinch. He smirked at it and chuckled evil, looking up at the cement wall.

"Oh, Ms. Lee, you don't know what I'll do for the position. I'll do anything and everything to get it. And I mean it." The words came out of his mouth, teeth gritting at each letter, and he was dead serious about it. He's trying to scare you, and it's working. You got into the car without any hesitation, you can't stand him any longer, he looked like he would kill you alive. You, now officially, are a closer step to hating Park Jimin to death.

Day two, and it was fucked up.

when you got back to your apartment you removed those heels, threw your bag on your couch and immediately walked to the washroom. You removed your makeup and took a nice warm shower, still hearing Jimin's words in your head. He surely is crazy, crazy for this position, but there's no way you're giving up on it.

you weren't just given this job from the sky. You worked your ass off with part-time messy jobs, and now, finally, you got a full-time job that shines your inner talent. Fuck Jimin. You had no energy to watch TV or eat. God, Hoseok can eat so much! He forced you to eat with him. But he's a lovely guy, made you feel welcomed and all. You drifted off to sleep, and damn was that a good sleep.

-

You felt motivated to work today, and indeed, the day was going well. Rosè, the receptionist greeted you warmly, and of course Park Jimin had to bless your day on the first floor of the building. You discreetly ran away. His presence can literally ruin a good going day. You pressed level 31, the elevator stopping at a few levels, and employees walked in, greeting you with a bow, and you did too.

The elevator stopped at level 17, the door opening only to make eye contact with the CEO himself. Jeon Jungkook. His eyes met yours, and he immediately looked down at the floor, walking inside. You both could feel the tension building up, and it was suffocating because that night's visions always manage to pop up when he's around.

He gets them, too.

The lift began to get full, and he had to make more space for the employees to enter. He unintentionally grew closer to you, his arm rubbing against yours, and he sighed. You gulped and clutched your bag tighter. You've got no reason to feel this way, but you're more afraid. Afraid that people will notice this because that's the worst scenario you could imagine. As the elevator stopped at 24, a few employees left, leaving you with Jungkook and a handful of people. "Lee y/n, right?" A man with glasses who didn't look older than 22 spoke, holding a stack of papers in his hands.

You nodded, and then his smile widened. "I heard about your idea from a few employees. Guess what? it reminded me of my parents, too. My dad loves mulberry, and when I heard about your nature idea, I was surprised they didn't choose you." His words made your heart warm. People really spoke about your idea? For real?

"Thank you, um - there's always a next time." The boy nodded, and you smiled, bowing when he left at level 27. You couldn't hide that smile that kept getting wider and wider. You had to bite on your lower lip to refrain yourself from giving that extremely huge white smile.

Jungkook looked at you from the corner of his eyes, he obviously had distanced himself from you, leaving a meter gap. Seeing you hiding your smile had him scoff. The door opened, and Hoseok passed by. You immediately ran to him, forgetting that your CEO is just standing there watching you.

"Hoseok! Guess what?! "Woah woah, what is it cheesecake?" He joked, and you hit his arm. "What the hell is-" "cheesecake?" Jungkook whispered under his breath as the elevator door closed and had him all confused. Since when did Mr Jung call people by nicknames? 

next chapter ⇢

[perverse-idyll]

5 Things You Never Get Tired of Writing

 Ah, thanks for tagging me, @billsfangearring! I am remarkably witless when it comes to thinking in terms of tropes and personal obsessions. So I’m just going to fake it. Tagging @danpuff-ao3, @titconao3, @liladiurne, @vulnerasanenturmyprince, @squibstress

rules: list five things you never get tired of writing. it can be tropes, themes, characters, phrases, whatever brings you joy. then tag five people!

1. I never seem to tire of describing Severus Snape, eyes, hands, greasy hair - even his arse (that’s for you, @consistentsquash​, but I can’t deny it!). I love inflicting a Pathetic Fallacy on him, making his physical landscape reflect his emotional murkiness, the impact he has on the POV character (usually Harry), not to mention blurring the boundary between imperfectly, unpleasantly human and melodramatically, even mythically larger-than-life. I hope that makes sense. I enjoy translating Snape’s moral ambiguities into the messy human dimension  while also leaning hard on ‘the uncanny’ (a way of othering Snape to make him vibrate at a different frequency than that self-same ordinary human version). I guess I want him to exist in between these two states. That’s the only reason I can think of for persisting in writing the extended version of The Lost World. No one needs this story! But Snape as Faust (or maybe that’s Al’s role?), Snape as Cupid, as Tam Lin, as the serpent in the garden… Ugh, this sounds so pretentious. And not Potterish at all! So much for concision. Anyway. You get the idea. My lavish physical descriptions of Snape act as gateways to the Mystery of the Interior. (Yes, I’m being tongue-in-cheek.) But I’ll stop now before my first “thing” on the list turns into an essay. 🙄 And because this reads as completely incoherent. Ah, one more almost-forgotten note: I love to describe Snape sensuously. To bestow on him an erotic existence and subvert or just plain ignore the penalties visited upon ugliness. So if you don’t want to read about Snape pacing through a story being a bitter, hot, fucked-in-the-head, smoldering, ugly man, avoid my fic.

2. Um, thing two. Bittersweet redemptions. Tragic redemptions, too. Also failed redemptions: see Mine the Gall. I’m using the term loosely, because maybe it's just a recovery or a realization, one earned but at a cost that may or may not have been worth it. This is a divide between reader me and writer me. As a reader, yes, sure, bring on the happy endings. They’re the perfect balm to balance the fics that wring my heart (which I grapple to me with hoops of steel). But when I’m writing, I gravitate toward loss and uncertainty and a more tentative kind of hope. I want the reader to feel a blissful pain. I like catharsis. But I also like the reward at the end, for my characters to reach the shore, weary and salt-shriveled and still together. The redemption may not wash away their guilt (looking at you, Severus), but it will still be more than they ever thought possible. Something they don’t believe they deserve - even if ‘deserve’ is the wrong way to look at it.

3. I love UST. Love, love, love it. Slather it around. Make my faves suffer because of it. Even when my OTP has already been locked in passionate embrace for thousands of words, I still want there to be UST, in defiance of the fact that once consummated, it should presumably be dispelled. And of course it must be soaked in equally unresolved feelings - erotic anguish, erotic contradictions, the incongruity of seemingly incompatible people welded to each other by unquenchable longing. The cocktail of unresolved tension - physical desire may be the glass, but yearning, projection, heartbreak, devotion, hatred, and tenderness provide the flammable alcohol. (Terrible metaphor, but I’m at work and can’t do better than that right now.) I love UST because it heightens everything. Even the most minor gesture acquires more meaning than it has any right to. I am not a subtle writer. I thrive on intensity.

4. The cocktail above reminds me - imagery. I’m not sure I could write without it. Periodically I try scraping the barnacles off - but there you go, the first thing I reach for is a metaphor. The elusiveness of meaning is a not-so-secret vice of mine, and imagery brings up those layers. I'm pretty convoluted in my mental processes anyway (not an approach to writing I recommend), and images in fic can evoke complex reactions without resorting to infodumping. Readers - all of us - interpret even the plainest, most straightforward prose through our personal filters, but images can sneak in on a more visceral level. Sometimes, of course, all those pretty phrases just clutter up the scenery. But if I find the right words, it can be the one indelible line, the one haunting moment a reader remembers long after they’ve forgotten what the fic is about.

5. I will keep this short. I like broken characters. I don’t enjoy breaking them myself, but I feel compelled to write about the way other characters cut themselves on those jagged edges. I enjoy mapping out their coping mechanisms, the degrees to which they’re able to heal (although not completely). How little they trust, how devastating their need for comfort can be. How cruel they are, how good at drawing blood, and how they see love as a force that can utterly shatter them. And more in that vein. But I’ve rattled on long enough!

[hercleverboy]

promise

matthew gray gubler x reader 

genre > angst/fluff

wc > 1.8k

the reader is tired of matthew never being home. 

Y/N sighed as she looked up at the clock perched on the table top. It was nearing 9pm and she’d only just been able to get her son to sleep. It had been like this for weeks. Matthew’s job understandably took up a lot of his time, but before having their son the couple had discussed him cutting back a few of his hours so that he could be home more. And for the first few years of their sons life he kept that promise, never missing a single milestone. However the last few months Matthew was less and less seen around the house. He was gone early in the morning and back late at night.

At first, Y/N said nothing. From the time she did get to spend with her husband, it was clear that he was stressed about his work and that it was preventing him from taking care of himself. She didn’t want to add to his stress by bringing it up. Matthew was a fantastic father, and no one could ever think otherwise.

However, over the last few weeks it had become increasingly clear to Y/N just how devestated Jacob got when his father wasn’t home to tuck him in at night, especially when he’d promised him he’d be home in time. Jacob was definitely more of a Mumma’s boy, but he idolised his father- he was fascinated by the magic tricks he showed him and the random facts he knew. She’d tried to explain that his father would’ve loved to be able to be there to say goodnight, but he had work to do. Unfortunately, that was a difficult concept to ask a four year old to understand. 

Tonight had been different. Tonight was the first night Jacob had cried at bedtime when Y/N told him Matthew wouldn’t be there to tuck him in. it had broken her heart. After soothing her son enough so he could fall into an uneasy sleep, Y/N slipped out of his room, grabbing her phone and calling her husband.

She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t answer.

So she sent him a simple text, one that would spike fear in any man.

We need to talk.

Fuck. Matthew knew he was in for it when he got home.

He gently opened the front door, trying not to make too much noise. He flicked up his wrist, checking the watch that sat there. 10:27pm.

The first thing he saw when he entered the living room was his wife, sat expectantly on the couch, giving him with this look that only she could give him.

“You promised him, Matthew.” She spoke, her tone cold and he could hear the anger she was biting back for the sake of their sleeping son.

“I know, I know I did but filming ran over and we had to reshoot a few scenes and I just lost track of things.” He attempted to explain, walking toward her.

“I understand that but you shouldn’t have promised him. He’s a kid, he doesn’t understand the technicalities of things. He understands who’s there and who isn’t.” She stood, moving to wrap her arms around herself in a self-comforting way. 

“Well I’m sorry, Y/N. But my job is important.” His voice raised slightly, nostrils flaring.

“Is this family not important? Your son?” Her volume raised to match his.

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Don’t be ridiculous. You know that you and Jacob mean everything to me!”

She sighed, glancing away from him. “He’s devastated whenever I tell him that you’re not gonna be home in time to tuck him in. He has been for weeks, but tonight..” She looked back at him, tears burning in her eyes. “He cried.” 

Matthew’s defensive stance dropped at the mention of his son being so upset. “He was.. he cried?”

Y/N sniffled and looked down, nodding slightly. She didn’t want to make him feel bad, and she certainly wasn’t trying to guilt trip him,  but how else could she explain how much this was hurting their son?

“Y/N I didn’t-“ He started but she shook her head at him.

“I don’t want to hear it. I’m exhausted, Matthew.”

“And you don’t think I am? Don’t you think I hate having to be away from you two? How I hate myself every time I know I promised him I’d be there and I have to let him down? Why don’t you consider how it makes me feel?” He shouted, his defensive stance back again. Y/N was about to respond when her eyes landed on a small figure standing by the bottom of the stairs. Their son, dressed his favourite blue dinosaur pyjamas, his big hazel eyes looking between his parents.

Y/N quickly wiped her tear-stained cheeks, forcing a smile onto her lips as she looked at her son. “Jacob, sweetheart. What are you doing up? It’s late.”

Jacob nodded, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. “I woke up and I heard shouting and I came down to see if daddy was home.” He gave a little smile at the sight of his father, even in his sleepy state.

“Yeah I’m home, buddy. Come here.” Matthew grinned through watery eyes, bending down as his son came toward him, enveloping the small boy in his arms. Matthew pressed a kiss to Jacob’s head full of brown curls before pulling back. “You gotta go to sleep, bud. Go with mummy, I’ll be here in the morning and we can talk then, okay?”

Jacob nodded, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “Do you promise?” He whispered.

Matthew but his lip but still nodded. “Yeah, I promise.” He made eye contact with Y/N, who quickly looked away before smiling down at their son.

“Okay Jake, let’s get you to bed, yeah?” She bent down slightly to lift him into her arms, his head dropping against her shoulder as he fought sleep.

Matthew watched as she carried their son up the staircase, disappearing upstairs. His heart ached.

*

Y/N had tucked Jacob back into bed, making sure he was comfortable. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, and turned to leave when his small voice broke the silence.

“Mummy?”

She turned back toward him with a frown. “Yeah, baby?”

“Are you and daddy getting a divorce?” His little voice whispered, and she came back towards his bed, kneeling down beside it, shocked by the question.

“A divorce? Where did you hear that?” She questioned gently.

“There’s this girl in my class, Lily. She said her parents used to fight all the time and they ended up getting a divorce. Now she hardly sees her daddy anymore.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Oh. Well, there’s no need to worry about that.” She promised, and his hazel orbs looked into hers, getting a little watery as they filled with tears.

“I don’t want to never see daddy.” He cried, and her heart broke.

She got up, moving to sit beside him in the bed, cradling him into her side. “Hey hey, it’s okay sweetheart.” She cooed. “I love your father very much. Sometimes we disagree on things, but we’re not getting divorced, okay?”

Once she’d finally lulled her crying son to sleep, she slipped out from the bed and gently closed his bedroom door behind her, walking back toward her and Matthew’s shared room.

He was sat on the bed, feeling guilty over their petty argument. He knew it was silly, and really it was just that he was stressed over his job, and he also knew Y/N was right. He had been spending less time than he’d like at home, and it broke his heart to think that doing so was impacting his son so negatively.

He looked up when Y/N came into the room, gently closing the door behind her.

She looked at him, and he could see the tears that welled in her eyes. He smiled sadly and opened his arms for her to come into, a way of saying he was sorry- that all was forgiven. She sat beside him, head on his chest as his arms wrapped around her. He kissed her forehead and was about to apologise when she spoke.

“Jacob asked if we were getting a divorce.” She sniffled. Matthew pulled back slightly to look at her, a frown on his face.

“A divorce? Where’d he learn that?” He asked.  

“I don’t know, I guess he must’ve heard us arguing. He said a girl in his class told him that her parents got a divorce because they argued, and that she didn’t get to see her dad much anymore.” She mumbled, and Matthew’s grip tightened on her. “He got upset, he thought you were gonna leave. That he wouldn’t see you again.”

Tears had welled in Matthew’s eyes at the thought of his son thinking he was ever going anywhere. 

“I’m sorry.” Matthew whimpered out, and she looked up quickly, to see the tears falling from his eyes. he was always very in touch with his emotions, and the idea of his son thinking he was going anywhere really hurt him.

Y/N moved slightly so she could wrap her arms around him to comfort him as he cried on her shoulder. “Hey, hey. It’s okay.” She soothed, running her fingers through his hair. “We just- we can’t argue like that anymore. Not if it’s gonna hurt him like this.”

She felt him nod against her. “I know. I’m so sorry, it was my fault in the first place-“

She shook her head, pulling back. She cupped his cheeks gently, using her thumbs to wipe away his tears. “No, don’t do that. It was both of us. We’re a team, okay? Everything we do, we do together.”

He nodded again looking down, his hands holding her firmly by the waist, as though he was afraid she’d disappear. “I just don’t want you to think that I take you, or this family for granted. This family means the world to me and I need you to know that I would give up everything for you.”

She smiled up at him. “I know. but I won’t ever ask you to give up your work for us. I was only asking you to cut it back just a little. ‘Cause I know you, you get so passionate about these projects that sometimes you lose yourself in them and that’s not a bad thing. Your passion is one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”

He blushed, a small smile breaking out on his lips.

“I just need you to remember that you have a little boy waiting for you to come home. A little boy who looks up to you, god- he thinks the world of you, Matthew.”

Matthew’s smile only grew bigger, as he looked up, finally meeting her eyes. “What would I do without you?” He murmured, pulling her closer to him.

She smiled brightly. “You’ll never have to find out.”

It was a promise, and with it came the reassurance that was more than enough to eradicate any negative thoughts Matthew had. And when he pressed his lips to hers, he could tell it was all going to be okay.

-

Tag list : @beyonces-breastmilk @pinkdiamond1016 @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @thelovelyrose

if you’d like to be added to the tag list shoot me an ask and I’ll add you :)

[keijikunn]

Memories ─ part i

── A @celestialarchiveshq collab “Connected by fate”

Pairing: Semi Eita x fem!reader Tags: college!au, kinda angst i guess, fluff, SLOW BURN, maybe strangers to lovers!au Summary: On the last day of the year, you dream of your soulmate’s most impactant memory that happened within the year. Each memory will be different each year. Word count: ~3.6k

Author’s note: I’m late and I’m so so sorry! I said I’d comeback by the end of January, but here we are in March lol. I can explain why I took so long in another post, if you want, but anyways. Here’s my piece from the soulmate!au collab from @celestialarchiveshq ! I decided to break it into pieces, because so far I have 9k words and you don’t deserve this. Anyways, hope you enjoy and stay tunned for the next part!

WARNINGS: insecurity, mention of injury (it’s a broken arm), self-esteem issues, let me know if I forgot anything 

MEMORIES’ MASTERLIST

You didn’t know who your soulmate was, the little information you had about them was that you only knew they were a boy and had a huge passion for volleyball and music. But one thing that you knew for sure about him was that he desperately needed a hug. Not because he’s supposedly your partner for life, your one true love, your missing piece. No. Your soulmate mark taught you things are more than that, that there’s more colours than just black and white, more than just simple and exact definitions. 

Being able to access his most important memory of the year through a dream was both a blessing and a curse. The first one is quite obvious, it meant your soulmate had overall a good year, no bad day overshadowed the good ones. However, when the second case occurred, it pained you to know that he went through a lot, and you couldn’t do anything. 

It was hard to predict how much a couple of consecutive bad memories could have changed your soulmate. Knowing only an hour or so piece of the 8760 hours of the last year, let you little to no room to guess how he coped with it. You couldn’t help but think what did he do to deserve all the insecurities and self-doubt he’s been receiving. What happened to the sweet boy that still believed hard work was worthy?

2004 (age of 10)

Your soulmate was running towards his front door, ignoring his young sister’s whines to slow down, but he didn’t pay attention. He was eager to see what was the surprise his father told him before he left for school. What could it be? Your soulmate’s voice, a pitch higher due to his age, resonated inside his head. 

“Mom, dad, I’m home!” He exclaimed, kicking out his shoes to quickly enter the living room; only to receive a stern look from his mother, pointing with her fingers his shoes, indicating he had to organize it. “Okay, I’m doing it.”

“Mom! Nii-chan didn’t wait for me when I asked!” His sister, Aime, complained, closing the door behind her. 

The older woman scolded the young boy, who scratched the back of his neck, apologizing to his sister next. The feeling of excitement filled his body once again when his father, still wearing the shirt and pants from his suit, appeared in his vision, holding a large package. 

“Welcome back, kids.” He grinned, placing the mysterious box on the floor to spread his arms so Aime could jump into his embrace. Your soulmate did not waste time to approach his father, who messed up with his hair. “Son, are you ready for your surprise?”

“It’s not fair that nii-chan’s getting a present! It’s not even his birthday.” Aime whined, both parents exchanged a brief smile, before the mother held onto her shoulders, guiding her to sit on the sofa next to her brother. He was almost jumping on his seat, bouncing his legs as if that motion would stop him from throwing himself at the box to open it. 

“The reason why me and mama decided to gift nii-chan is because he listened very well to us,” the older man started to explain. “Do you remember what he asked us a few months ago, Aime?”

“I asked if I could get my own guitar!” Your soulmate piped in, almost bursting into happiness as he connected the dots. 

“And we talked to you two about it, right?” Their mother continued, instigating her children to remember the topic of that conversation. 

“Mama and papa said that if we dedicate ourselves to something we really want, they could get us what we asked.” The young girl replied obediently. 

“Nii-chan has been dedicating himself to his guitar lessons, so we thought about rewarding his hard work.” Their dad finally announced what your soulmate had guessed all along, a smile spreading on his face. After receiving a light nod from them, the boy immediately put his hands on the wrap, tearing it apart to reveal a beautiful guitar. “We’re expecting extra hard work from now on, buddy.”

“I will!” He exclaimed, hugging both parents tightly, cheeks hurting from his large grin. “Thank you so much!!”

September, 2017 (current time, age of 23)

The memories were blurred in your mind, though all feelings and sensations burned in your heart whenever you remembered it. You always saw them in your soulmate’s perspective, being privileged enough to have a piece of his happiness - or cursed to feel the sadness that washed over in other years. 

It was perhaps his fault that you got so hooked on music and learned how to truly appreciate it, you somehow felt connected with him, as if it was a language only you two knew. It didn’t really matter the genre of the music, you could listen to an indie band from your college or a worldwide superstar; your heart knew how to stay tuned to different frequencies, absorbing the perfect high notes to the bass riff that made your bones shake.

That was how you met this eccentric lead vocal and guitarist from a rock-ish band in your college department, a guy with ash blonde hair, narrowed eyes and a voice filled with unsaid emotions. Semi Eita appeared to be angry at anyone at any time of the day, quick to offer snarky replies with his sharp tongue. It could be just a persona he created as his band progressively became well-known around college, or could be just himself and his lack of interest in people in general. 

You got to know him through your friend - and the band’s drummer - Akihiko, after one of their performances on a local live-house most college students go on a Friday night. Semi sat far from his bandmates, who were talking excitedly with each other and a couple of friends, with the same scowl you’ve seen in a picture Akihiko once showed you. 

“Guys, this is my friend Y/n,” he introduced you as soon as you two entered the small backstage room reserved for the performers. “She’s really into music, so I decided to invite her to one of our presentations.”

“It’s nice to meet you all!” You exchanged greetings, while you noticed the lead vocal just rolled his eyes and busied himself with his phone. “I enjoyed it a lot today! I could feel every instrument resonating through my body. Please invite me for your next performance!”

Throughout the whole night you hang out with the band, Semi stayed quiet on his own, enjoying a bottle of beer too lost inside his head. His bandmates reassured you he was fine, the guy wasn’t a fan of gathering with friends or any sort of social contact - which was ironic to say the least, after all, he spends his free time entertaining people. 

Despite the singer’s wish to avoid contact, many girls - and guys - approached him perhaps to initiate a small talk, or maybe to end up on a secluded corner of the live-house with their mouths on his. His quite mysterious façade was intriguing, you even admitted it to yourself, as a possible explanation to his “fame” around people, and maybe that was the reason he attracted many people. 

You only got the chance to have a proper conversation with him on the next band rehearsal, which Aikihiko invited you per the other’s request. Inside the soundproof studio, you sat on a chair across Semi, who was too busy tuning his guitar to care about your gaze on him. He still sported the same scowl in his face, however, this time you could notice a hint of excitement - maybe even a silent love towards his instrument and what he was able to do with it. 

“Are you done staring at me?” Semi asked angrily, lifting his head from the tuning keys he had just finished adjusting. “Why are you here? Aren’t you Akihiko’s hookup or something?”

“First of all, ew!” You exclaimed, face contorting in a grimace at the thought. “I know him too well to feel attracted! Besides, he permanently smells like cigarettes, it’s awful.”

“Just wait until he arrives, the studio will be infested by this shit.” He replied with a huff, rubbing his hand against his face. “For real, though, why are you here?”

“The other guys invited me to watch you practice,” you said, then leaning down to grab a notebook from your bag by your foot on the floor. “They think watching you play will help me with an activity I have to turn in before the winter break.”

“What is it?” Semi seemed interested, you noticed, putting his guitar on its support, crossing his left leg. Although you two were talking for a couple of minutes, you still felt a cold barrier between you two. It was quite noticeable as how the lead singer guided the conversation, questioning you and your reasons to be there.

“I attend the music course as an extracurricular activity, and I have to produce a song by the end of the semester.” The room fell in silence, but you could almost hear the gears in Semi’s head turning. “And I’m also here to convince you to sing for my project.”

“No.”

“Expected.” You laughed amused as Semi’s eyebrow twitched at your response. “Do you like barbecue? I can take you to an expensive restaurant as a payment.”

“You’re not gonna bribe me.” He stated, narrowing his eyes to send you sharp looks. In response, you smirked at his reaction. Just like Akihiko told me he would react.

“You’re right, I’m not gonna bribe you,” you mirrored his posture: left leg over the right one, arms crossed on the chest. But, contrary to him, you opened a smile, though your eyes screamed at the challenge in front of you. “I’m going to make you agree with me.” 

October, 2017 (current time, age of 23)

A month has passed since your very first talk with Semi Eita, and although you didn’t make any progress regarding your project, you’re getting to know a bit more about the real Semi - not just the cold façace he shows. He is indeed quick with comebacks, hot tempered - especially when he’s talking about music, the boy stands still for his beliefs in what would be better for the band - but, Semi seems to have a huge wall separating his deepest sides from his friends. As if something holds him back from being true to his feelings. 

“C’mon, Semi, we’re having a movie night,” Akihiko whined once again. “Stop watching this volleyball game and let me start choosing the movie!”

“He won’t budge Akihiko, it’s his friends playing.” The bassist, Takeshi, laughed at the rather unilateral discussion: the lead singer’s eyes were still trained on the screen, watching carefully every movement; while the drummer tried to snatch the remote control from the other’s grip. “You should know by now that he analyses carefully every Ushiwaka’s movements to scold him later.”

“I don’t do that!” Semi spoke up, diverting his gaze from the TV, proceeding to push Akihiko away from him. “Ushijima doesn’t need my comments. He never did, anyways.”

“So, the famous Semi Eita is also a sportist?” You teased him, nudging his left left leg with your foot, since you were half laying on the couch. “And has his phone number? Impressive.”

“Our lead singer had the honour to play on the same team as Ushijima Wakatoshi.” Akihiko threw his arm forcefully around the ash blond haired boy, earning a groan in protest. “And played against the Adlers’ setter, right? And you lost, right?”

“You don’t have to remember me, Akihiko-san, thank you very much.” He removed his bandmate over himself to look at you. “And I’m not a sportist.”

“How come not, Semi?” Takeshi retorted rhetorically, the smile on his face gave away his enjoyment in teasing him. “You had a sport scholarship in Shiratorizawa, you have to be at least great in volleyball!”

“Yeah…” Semi muttered lowly, lowering his gaze to the wooden floor of Akihiko’s apartment, clearly bothered by the turn the conversation took. “Choose the movie, I’ll make the popcorn.”

As he left the room, the other two guys exchanged looks, and you kind of deduced they went too far in this topic. To say you were curious about why him attending such a powerhouse school was delicate was an understatement, the urge to get up and follow him to the kitchen and shoot him questions was undeniable high - but you weren’t a senseless person.

Another part of Semi Eita’s personality presented itself to you, holding as many secrets as the façade he shows to everyone else does. You couldn’t help but think about how many experiences he went through to close himself like that, but more than that, you tried to imagine what kind of story Semi could tell through a song. That was the reason why you wanted so bad his participation in your project. 

Semi Eita could tell a great story if he wanted to. And you would try your best to make it happen. 

2008 (age of 14)

Your soulmate slowly dragged himself back home from school, body sore and longing for a long hot shower to relieve the stress of his muscles. Finals were taking a toll on him, especially when he was about to graduate middle school and needed to pave his way to good high schools. The sidewalk was slightly slippery due to the recent melted snow, droplets of water occasionally hitting his uniform’s pants near his ankles. 

Soon enough, he found himself opening the front door, being welcomed by a warmer environment. The young boy removed his shoes and heavy coat, greeting tiredly his mother and sister, who were both in the kitchen making dinner. Your soulmate headed to his bedroom ready to throw himself on his bed, wishing the mattress could swallow him. However, as soon as he turned the lights on, a white envelope with a familiar purple logo on the table caught his attention.

His hands worked quickly in tearing the material apart, removing a single sheet from the inside. The euphoria already dominated his senses, eyes barely proceeding to read the name of the institution at the top of the paper - but he knew which one was. His eyes scanned the words, eagerly searching for what he was wishing to himself for the past few weeks. 

“Mom!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, running out of his room to find her. “I made it! With a sports scholarship!”

“Oh my gosh, congratulations!” The woman cheered, drying her hands on her apron to involve her son in a tight embrace. His cheeks hurt from how wide he was smiling, but the bursting sensation of pride in his chest made up for that.

I am good at something, after all. I made it to a huge school through my volleyball abilities. 

I’m not replaceable. 

Mid October, 2017 (current time, age of 23)

“What the heck happened to you?” The words left your mouth before you could even think after you entered the usual studio the band usually rehearses. Akihiko was seated behind his set of drums, scrolling aimlessly through his phone; and Takeshi finished setting up his bass on the amplifiers. But what surprised you the most was the cast on Semi’s left arm, holding it in a position he couldn’t stretch it. 

“Hi, Y/n,” Semi waved cynically with his right hand, “I am fine, thank you for worrying about my well being.”

“We need your help.” Both Akihiko and Takeshi said. 

“Why do I feel it’s related to the fact Semi broke his arm?” You questioned, glaring at the lead vocal suspiciously. 

“The band has a presentation in a week and Semi can’t play the guitar for obvious reasons,” the bassist started approaching you, offering you a bright yellow pick - which you accepted, still not sure about the end of the conversation. “We’re lacking a guitarist, but Akihiko said you’re pretty good, right?”

“Uh… maybe?” 

“What Takeshi is trying to say is,” Semi cut his bandmate, eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. “We need you to play the guitar as support for our next concert.”

It was unexpected, you thought with yourself, by the little you knew about Semi and his relation to music, you imagined he would ask any close friend of his that he trusted. Perhaps Akihiko mentioned you know how to play, he could have even shown him a few recordings you did in the college studio. Either way, hearing Semi inviting you was a surprise. 

“Sure, I guess?” Your answer sounded more like a question, evidencing your state of confusion and unsureness. “Wouldn’t you guys want someone else, though?”

“No.” The ash blonde hair boy answered without hesitation, once again surprising you. “You’ll do it just fine.”

You quickly exchanged looks with Akihiko, in hopes to discover that it was a huge prank or even a childish comeback from Semi regarding your stubbornness of having his vocals on your project. However, the drummer nodded his head; his facial expression didn’t give any sign of mischievousness like it usually does.

Semi stopped in front of you, handing you his own guitar. The instrument felt foreigner in your grasp, as if a simple guitar held secrets and hidden feelings of its owner - and it might do. You felt oddly connected to the guy in front of you, the same one who denied every invite of yours to sing for a couple of minutes for an extracurricular project. 

As your fingers strummed the strings, you noticed how perfectly tuned the guitar was and you were quickly to mentally facepalm yourself. It’s obvious Semi Eita would take such a good care of his guitar, the boy loved music after all. After adjusting the strap over your shoulder to fit your much smaller stature than the owner’s, you played a couple of chords to make the final adjustments on the amplifiers. 

“So, tell me the setlist I need to work on.” The three men smiled gratefully at you - though Semi’s looked more like a grimace, but you understood. They proceeded to fill you up with plenty of songs and minor details you should be aware of about their style, rearragended chords.

The hours flew by while you were in the studio with the band, the four of you fell in a good synchronization - if an outsider saw the rehearsal, they would never guess you weren’t the main guitarist. Playing with them felt familiar, all your frequencies merged into one smoothly, even easily. You adapted yourself to Akihiko’s excitement and Takeshi’s quirks during his solos, but the easiest one to work with was Semi. 

His style of singing fitted perfectly with your own strumming habits, even the occasional exchange of looks was easily understood between you two. He seems to be too arrogant on stage, pretending as if he was the best amaetur performer in college - but in a sense, Semi could think like this. The way he easily went with the flow with a new element in the studio, someone he has never seen playing before. 

“Great job, guys!” Akihiko exclaimed, clapping his hands a couple of times. You put the yellow pick on the top of the amplifier and cracked your knuckles, feeling your fingers a little stiff from the almost two hours rehearsal. And you did well, Y/n, you even remembered all the chords!”

“Akihiko!” Your whine made both the drummer and the bassist laugh. “I can remember things, okay?”

“Then tell me why can’t you remember your soulmate’s memories?” He wiggled his eyebrows, daring you to answer him. When you didn’t reply, he snorted. “You can’t even defend yourself on that! Anyway, we rented the studio for another hour, but I have some business to solve at home. Feel free to stay until the end, okay? Thank you for the practice!”

“Thank you.” You smiled, sending off the drummer. While you quietly went through the songs you weren’t familiar in the setlist, Takeshi bid farewell to you and Semi - leaving you two alone. “If you wanna leave, just let me know and I’ll stop, okay?”

“You are good,” Semi complimented you, not answering your statement. “Akihiko-san wasn’t lying after all, you are indeed good.”

“Why do you sound so surprised?” The studio was filled with rhythmical strums, following your favourite song of the list while you quietly hummed the lyrics. “I suppose Akihiko showed you a few things I did for the course.”

“Actually, he didn’t,” His response caught you off guard, your right hand stopping its motion in the middle of the song’s bridge. “And I suggested your name as support. I kind of wanted to see what’s up with you and music.”

“And what do you think, Semi?”

“Why do you want me to sing your song for the project?” He asked, ignoring your question completely. You arch your eyebrows in surprise, earning the same gesture - as if he was inciting you to answer him. 

“I strongly believe that music has an unique power to deliver messages. It could be the lyrics, the instrumental or just the performance… everything has a meaning.” You stated, adjusting the guitar in your lap properly; eyes fixed on the man in front of you. “From my point of view, after watching you perform and how you interact with music, I imagined you have some deep feelings buried inside of you that could be delivered through a song. Somebody could relate to you and feel grateful for you expressing something they might couldn’t.”

“I’ll do it.” Semi said after a few seconds in silence, surprising you. When you looked at his face, a small smile adorned his features. You mirrored his expression, though yours were much larger in order to convey your happiness. 

COLLAB MASTERLIST!

SEARCH FOR A BOOK!

General taglist

Bold users couldn’t be tagged!

@whootwhoot​ @nikkiandherrandomshits​

Wanna be tagged? Click here!

[gaemkyuu]

The Fight

Warnings: none...unless couples fighting make you uncomfortable, then there’s that. A/N: Second installment to the Teagan Valencia Series! It’s not as fluffy as the first part, but it gets a little fluffy at the end. Humor me as the Proposal is fluffy and makes my inner teenager giggle. I’ll post the next installment later in the week :) Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece on Charlie Gillespie. In no way do I claim or declare that Charlie’s portrayal is accurate to real life. I do however, own Teagan Valencia :) 

Masterlist  

The Teagan Valencia Series: The Meeting  / The Fight / The Proposal / The Present / The Recovery / The Future The Fight “But Julie! You don’t understand! Would you just listen?!” Teagan never ceased to be amazed by Charlie’s acting. The man was truly passionate and put his heart and soul into everything he did. Hearing Charlie’s voice break and tears spring in his eyes, brought her back to the moment where Charlie and her really questioned whether or not being together was the best thing for the both of them... ***

After wrapping up season one of Julie and the Phantoms in Vancouver and the holiday season, Charlie found himself back in LA and Teagan back in Edmonton. She had recently gotten employed by Netflix Canada on the promotional team as an intern, hoping she could work her way up the ladder. She didn’t expect the workload and the hours to be long, but the pay was worth it. Afterall, she had been saving to pay for the numerous flights she was making back and forth from Edmonton to LA. She didn’t always get time off and even when she did there was still some work that she needed to do. It wasn’t different for Charlie either, as he was often knee deep in other projects and endeavours that he was passionate about. Both were doing their best to be supportive of the other, but they slowly started feeling the distance impacting them. 

Teagan had been down for a long weekend to visit Charlie, but knew she couldn’t completely unplug from work and spend time with her beloved. Sitting at brunch together, very little conversation was exchanged as Teagan had gotten a very important email from Head Office about a potential opportunity for her to move up in the company. This meant an increase in wage and the potential to be relocated to LA. Charlie, however, was out of the loop and quickly became annoyed with Teagan being distracted that led to an explosive conversation in the vehicle on their way back to his apartment. “It’s not just this time Teagan! Every time you come down for a “visit” you’re never really here!” Charlie slammed the front door to his apartment shut as they walked through.  “Says the person who always has to be on set or some interview or some shoot! I’m trying Charlie! I really am!” Tears flooded her eyes, the frustration that she kept to herself began to bubble over. “I’m not an actor or a celebrity or an influencer Charlie! I have a lot of work that I have to do, but you wouldn’t understand that would you? You show up for a picture and you make twice as much as me!” “Don’t turn this around and pin it on me Teagan. I’ve worked hard to get here.” Charlie's voice became dangerously quiet as he approached her. “That’s not what I’m saying Charlie-”“It’s not my fault that you don’t put nearly as much effort into this relationship as I do! What’s the point if you’re not going to try?” The words cut through her like a hot knife through butter. “You don’t think I’m trying?” she whispered, scared that she would lose her composure. “You could’ve fooled me” Charlie scoffed, plopping down on the couch, leaving her standing at the kitchen counter. A thick and heavy silence filled the space between them, as her tears threatened to fall down her face. “Fine. Say I’m not trying Charlie.” her voice was louder this time, albeit shaky, trying to maintain her composure. “The amount of overtime I work to afford plane tickets down... the countless times I told my family that you had to cancel coming for a visit because of work, when in reality you never planned to come visit me... The nights I spent alone in my apartment missing you while seeing you post pictures with other girls at a party... Yeah, I guess I’m not trying Charlie” She wished she could’ve walked away from Charlie with grace, but all the emotions that she had been harbouring began to pour out as she broke into heavy sobs and sank to the kitchen floor. Charlie, alarmed at her sudden breakdown, rushed over to her as she sobbed into her knees. He kept trying to get her to open up, but she tensed every time he tried. She could barely hear him over her sobs, frustration and sadness.  Teagan hadn’t been completely transparent with her situation back in Edmonton. Early on in their relationship, Teagan realized that her job as a retail manager wasn’t going to afford the numerous plane tickets she would be buying to see Charlie. With his unconventional schedule, he rarely had time to come visit her in Edmonton, but she could be a little more flexible and see him. Teagan had made the decision to move into a smaller apartment with cheaper rent downtown Edmonton in a neighbourhood that her parents thought dangerous. She began to decline the invites from her friends and family to go out to dinner or to the clubs. Being new to the Netflix company still meant she was at the bottom of the payscale, which paid the same amount as her retail job, but being in a position where her expenses were growing. She would go on shopping trips with friends, but never bought anything. Friends and family began to criticise Charlie for taking advantage of her and making her spend all the money, in which Teagan was quick to defend him. It didn’t help that her mother expected her to be the traditional filipino housewife that she was. The both of them were already feeling the strain of the distance, that Teagan couldn’t bring other problems into the relationship. If they were struggling this much just because of distance, what more if Teagan confessed her behind the scenes. She didn’t want to risk making things worse, so she kept quiet about these details, mentioning very little to Charlie and always wanting to know about how he was and what he was working on. “Teags, look at me please?” his voice was softer now. “Teagan, talk to me please?” She slowly lifted her head, not ready to make eye contact with him. Charlie kissed her forehead and held her face in his hands, forcing them to look into each other’s eyes. She could see the intensity in his eyes. He was all together apologetic, embarrassed and heartbroken, but she could tell he was searching her eyes hopefully. He wiped away another tear that rolled down her face as Teagan took a deep breath, steading herself for what she wanted to say next would be difficult. “It’s been so hard without you. I didn’t want to tell you anything because I already felt like we were struggling... I thought that it would only make things worse...” her voice tired and sad. Charlie’s heart broke further seeing the normally bubbly and optimistic woman so defeated. To see her this way felt odd and unsettling, as though Charlie never wanted to see her this way again. He pulled her into his embrace, which she gladly accepted.  They sat there for a moment or two in each other's arms, no words exchanged between them.  Charlie moved Teagan so that she sat in between his legs, back to his chest, as he leaned against the wall of the kitchen island on the floor. His arms stayed firmly wrapped around her and she rested her head against his chest and shoulder. “I didn’t mean what I said. I just felt so frustrated and I took it out on you. I know you’re trying, but like you said, it’s been hard.” He peppered her head with soft kisses, not knowing how to bring spirit back into his lover. She sniffed quietly, wiping a tear away with her hand. “Are we holding onto something that’s not meant to last?” His body tensed behind her and she felt the tears spill over once again. Teagan braced herself for what she felt was the inevitable goodbye of this whirlwind of a romance. Optimistic Teagan couldn’t exist in this moment as she felt exhausted and broken down. Pessimistic Teagan braced her heart for the impact of Charlie’s response. But it never came. Instead, she was met with soft lips meeting hers in a gentle kiss. Charlie had shifted positions in order to kiss her, giving them both the response that they needed. They didn’t need to speak as their actions spoke louder in the moment as their kiss intensified. What was meant to be soft, gentle and innocent quickly became passionate, needy and desperate. This new found intensity brought a simple kiss on the kitchen floor to the walls of Charlie’s bedroom, filling their afternoon with each other. In the early evening, as they rested in each other’s arms, basking in their emotions of what transpired, they began to discuss boundaries and goals that they would work on moving forward. Both were determined to make this relationship work and if it meant putting tangible expectations in place, so be it. To break up would mean to simply give up on each other, but they both knew that they were strong headed and convicted in their commitment to one another. It was after that fight that Charlie knew he wanted Teagan to be more than a girlfriend.

[thatonesadending]

Molly and Caleb get to talk about his return, and what it means. But then Beau has to come by and completely derail Caleb - There is Magic in Words; Chapters 6-7

“Thank you.” Caleb eventually said, breaking the quiet.

“Why are you thanking me? Last I checked, you are the one that did all the stuff worth thanking today, love.” Molly responded with a chuckle.

“For being … being you.” His words were so soft, as though he didn't want Molly to actually hear them. He lifted his head then, to look the other man in the eyes.

“Caleb,” he didn't know where to begin. He knew that Caleb wasn't talking about him being back in his own body. He was talking about all the sweet things Caduceus had told him about how the Nien remembered him. Molly was pretty sure they all were suffering a bit of memory loss due to grief, making him out to be better than he really was, but he found it sweet nonetheless.

“I don't know how to be anyone else, dear. Couldn't if I tried.” Molly said. That at least was true.

“Exactly.” Caleb took his hand from Molly’s knee, suddenly showing a bit of nervousness. How this man could go from spoiling him with incredible magic Molly couldn’t have ever imagined, to self-conscious was a mystery. Caleb seemed to make a choice, and continued.

“You are refreshing, if I am honest. There are not many people in this world who really mean what they say, and follow through with their actions. I might not have understood or agreed with the things you did, or even the way you saw the world, but your optimism and compassion that you treated others, it was - it is admirable. Even from that first night at the inn, I could tell you were genuine about things that mattered. For a man that proudly claimed to be a liar, I have never seen you bend the truth more than what was necessary. Never for selfish gain, but always to help others, never to betray. It took me a little while, but I trust you, and my trust isn’t easily won. That has not changed, not for me, and I am certain with a little bit of time, the others .”

Molly had no idea what to say. It was completely unexpected, however, something told him that Caleb was saying this more for himself than for him. There was a bit of a wrinkle around his eyes that looked as though he was in pain. Molly never did get to hear his story from before they all became the Mighty Nien, and he still didn't know all that happened while he was gone, but Caleb spoke like a man who had been let down far too many times. Molly wanted to explain how it was just easier for him to be brash and bold, because he chose to ignore consequences. That thinking of what could be was just too hard for him when he had already died once, and now that he died a second time … he wasn’t sure how he felt about his naivety. Instead, he chose to continue on the now.

“I trust you too Caleb. I knew you were a lot more than the shy, cowardly wizard that you wanted all of us to think you were. I hoped with time, you would realize it was ok to love yourself and let us care for you. I am a little sad that I missed the inbetween, but I am glad you are there.” Caleb chuckled at Molly’s confession.

“I am not quite, work in progress as it were, but you might make it a little easier for me.” Caleb was blushing, obviously still not used to praise. That was ok, Molly could work with him on that. He wanted to take the wizard’s hand, but he didn't want to push too far.

“Speaking of time and progress, how long has it been?” Molly had been avoiding asking anyone, because judging on appearances, it seemed to be a while.

“Almost a year.” Caleb replied almost flatly, as though he didn't believe it himself.

“Well fuck me sideways.”

They both laughed at the bit of brevity.

“Incredible. After a year, you all followed Lucien into this creepy fucking city, just to bring me back? How did that plan work?” He asked, the memory of the alley way still sending chills down his spine.

“Not exactly.” Caleb almost looked, ashamed. “We had been told that you were gone forever, and were actually following him to kill him before he could … it’s a long story for another day. We had no plan. I am very sorry for that. But it seems as if luck was on our side.”

“But if you didn't know, and didn’t have a plan, how - how did you call me?” Molly was bewildered. It was fine that they didn't actually come for him, but it made his return very confusing.

“A hunch? I couldn't be sure, but there had been a few moments when Lucien interacted with the others that … that I was sure I could see you. Certain words or memories seemed to trigger Lucien. Your face has always been the easiest for me to read of all the Nien, you were never very good at hiding your emotions. I could probably beat you at a cards.” Molly started to protest, but Caleb kept going.

“However I could not know that it was not wishful thinking, and I did not want to get the other’s hope up if it wasn't true and risk themselves.” Caleb looked so sad for a moment. “But I am a hypocrite, when it came to a moment of choosing whether to let them try and kill Lucien and never know, or to let myself hope, I did.” His hands had unconsciously gone to gently rub at his neck, where Molly could just now see bruised flesh, bruises in the shape of his own fingertips.

“Caleb! I am so -”

“Nien. It was not you. I am alright.” Molly still reached out to sooth the bruise, before realizing that Caleb probably didn’t want his hands anywhere near them. Still, the wizard reached out and took Molly’s hand in both of his before finishing.

“I did not know, but I tried to use every memory that I had of things you had said or done that had impacted us in some way. It worked, ja?” Caleb’s eyes looked glassy but was smiling, and Molly had to work very hard not to cry again.

“Ah, the kiss on the forhead. You are a genius. I am lucky you didn’t slap me first.” Was all he could think to say, while giving Caleb’s hand a squeeze. He had been a bit clumsy in that attempt to break the wizard out of the panic state he had been in all that time ago, not knowing what else to do, but it worked. “Wait, if you used memories and such, why the kiss? The one on the lips. We have never kissed before.” Molly didn’t mean it to sound like an accusation, but it was a little odd to him.

“Ja, yes, that.” Caleb looked suddenly very flustered. It was kind of cute, if unnecessary. Molly didn't mind, just wanted to know. “Ah, instinct? ‘What would Mollymauk do’ as it were?”

“That’s fair. I do like a good kiss.” He couldn’t help but grin at the full body flush that Caleb now had. “And that was a very good kiss Mr. Caleb.” The man pulled his hands away in embarrassment, but Molly wasn’t quite done flirting. “I can already see all the free drinks at taverns when I share this story. ‘I was pulled back from the dead with a passionate kiss from a very handsome wizard!’” He leaned back on his elbows as he spoke, just to get a good look at Caleb’s reaction.

“As long as you share some of those drinks, let’s call it even, shall we?” Some of the embarrassment had faded, and that just wouldn’t do. Molly was feeling more and more like himself, and had a bit more flirt left in him.

“I will get you all the drinks you want, love. But you will have to tell me where you learned how to kiss like that, which one of these assholes have you been practicing with? My money is on the dr-” but Caleb quickly cut him off, and Molly could see he took it a bit too far.

“Nien, no one. I, ah, have not kissed anyone in a very long time, but I promise you - I, er - I had not meant for it to be ‘passionate’, simply … I acted without thinking.” Molly could see that Caleb was about to apologize, but he was the one that should.

“Darling, it’s a compliment, really. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I know you didn’t mean anything by it, just hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Worst ways to be greeted back into the world.” Molly tried to sound as carefree as possible. There was a little frown that appeared on Caleb's face, and Molly was worried he was still somehow fucking this up. But it disappeared, and he was thankful when Caleb turned to face him.

“As though you could think anyone would not enjoy kissing you Mollymauk.” Oh that was bold, he did like that. He was about to respond with something probably entirely too dirty, but Caleb stood.

“It is getting late, and you look to be in much better spirits, would you like me to fetch Yahsa now? Or I can show you to her room?” Right, he was still very tired, and the way he was lounging back looking up at the wizard was making him just want to fall back into the pillows and close his eyes, though Yasha’s company would make that a lot better. Besides, Caleb still had to show that grumpy Essek guy his room too. Molly had taken up too much of his time.

“Yasha will probably love this room as much as me, thank you.” He said. Caleb seemed to concentrate, and Molly remembered that he and Beau could still do that creepy mind talking thing. But he wasn't going to worry about that right now. It didn’t take long before there was a knocking on the door, and Caleb moved to open it. Without thinking, Molly jumped up to catch him before he could reach it. He embraced the other man, wanting to just one more moment with him.

“Thank you.” He knew it was silly, and it didnt really convey the gravity of what had been done for him. But he had to say it anyway. Caleb hugged him back, an arm snaking around his waist, and the other resting gently in between his shoulder blades, a cheek pressed to the side of his horn. “Always, Mollymauk.”

________

The moment Caleb turned back to the door to leave Mollymauk’s room, he felt the worry and stress creep back in. He didn’t want to leave. It was easy to be with Molly, his effortless charm and the fact that Caleb always seemed to know where he stood with the tiefling. Even as Molly had been crying in his arms, Caleb knew it wasn't because of anything he did, and that he would show the wizard what he needed even if he didn’t know how to put it into words.

Caleb had seen Molly rubbing his fingers where there should have been rings, noticed him frustratingly brushing his dirty hair back, and picked up on how he was avoiding his own reflection in the windows. These were all things Caleb could relate to in one way or another. The horrible skin crawling feeling of not knowing what to do in your own skin after someone had used you for their own purpose. He was just glad he was able to help a bit.

It was wonderful to get to see Molly get comfortable again, even if that meant he was still a giant flirt. But that also meant the incredibly perceptive Molly was back too. Caleb didn’t know how he managed it, but he always seemed to be able to crawl into people’s minds and see when they were lying, or holding back. It made him great with people, useful and getting information.

So for a terrifying moment, when he asked Caleb about that kiss and how it wasn’t a call back to a memory, he was worried Molly was going to see it on his face. That it was a memory, just not one Molly remembered, but obviously some part of him did. That was not their first kiss, but their second.

But it would have been too much, Molly had enough to get used to and learn about the Mighty Nien, and that would have only complicated things further.

Caleb opened the door to find Yasha standing there, positively beaming at him. Part of his stress washed away again. Yasha also knew, even better than Caleb, what it felt like to lose control over yourself, and hurt those you love. She had been doing so much better, thanks in large part to Beau, and Caleb felt grateful that she could now help her best friend heal too.

She started to slip through the door that Caleb held for her, but paused just long enough to say, “Beau would like a word with you.”

Caleb ran a frustrated hand through his face. He did not want to speak with her, he knew what she wanted. He floated downwards and sent a telepathic thought to her.

“Hallo Beauregard, I understand you would like to speak, but could this possibly wait until morning? I am quite exhausted.”

“Have you shown Essek his room yet?” Her quick reply came.

“Nien.”

“Then no. My room, now.”

He really was too tired for this. They had spent the day fighting the monsters of Aeor, then an Elemental, jumped through a portal, had two confrontations with Lucien, and only then tried to make camp in this terrifying city. It made a good recipe for heightened emotions and bad choices. He thought about just ignoring her, and going to the wizard that was waiting in his library. However, he knew she wouldn't leave him alone, probably send him telepathic threats of violence until he answered her.

Almost before he could knock, she was pulling him in, dragging him past the sitting room and into her bedroom where they were alone.

“So…” She started, crossing her arms angrily and tapping her toe expectantly.

“Beauregard, I am not sure what it is that you want of me-”

“I want to know why you made a room for a dead man in your fucked up hall of memories.” Caleb briseled, her tone full of accusations, and he had no idea where to start with them. He found that he was unable to lie to Beau without her noticing, so he led with a half truth.

“I started thinking about the tower right after Jester, Fjord and Yasha were taken. As a means to insure that it would never happen again if I could help it.” He paused, that was not a time either of them enjoyed remembering. “Molly was still with us, and his room was the easiest to imagine, he was not particularly shy about showing off his tastes.”

“So you made some weird red-room thing for him, a wall covered with dilldos, and that’s why you hid it away?” Her voice had yet to lose any of its sharpness.

Not exactly, he thought.

“No Beau,” He replied “It is a just a bedroom as colorful as him.”

“Then why not include Molly’s room down here with the rest of ours? You were not the only one grieving you know? We could have visited his room too.” She sounded just a touch hurt, and he knew why. He knew she blamed herself, foolishly.

Because it was not his room, it was mine. He would have rather died in that moment then to admit that to her. Then to explain how on hard nights of travel and battle, he would leave his own room on the 7th level once everyone had gone to bed, go to that room and open the large windows concealing the moon he had recreated, and would just talk to Mollymauk. Tell him how their day had gone, explain his worries for the others, or theories of their adventures. He would ask for advice, knowing he wouldn’t get it, but it helped to imagine his friend could hear him.

Other nights, when the guilt and regret were more than he felt he could handle, he would lay in the large bed and try and feel a little less alone. It rarely worked, but he did get some comfort from it. Because above all else, this room was a reminder of a possibility, what could have happened if Caleb hadn’t been such a coward. Had he not contemplated leaving all of them the night before, just barely deciding to stay, but not doing nearly enough to protect them. Mollymauk had died painfully, and he possibly could have lived had Caleb had just been a little smarter, a little braver. It was a reminder not to make that same mistake twice, because this room really could have been Molly’s had he just been better.

And then there were the nights where Caleb just had too much pent up frustration, too much stress to think clearly, that he would go to that room and …

He cut off his own thoughts, they were not helpful with the question at hand. Another half truth then.

“Because I was embarrassed. I did not know what to do with my, um well -” He knew he needed to give Beau more truth, she did deserve it, the two of them having shared so much pain together over the last year. And he knew he could trust her, but there were still things he did not trust himself to say out loud. “... my stupid crush. I believe that is how it is said in common.”

It didn’t shock him that Beau was not at all surprised, of course she knew. She waited for him to continue. She was rarely patient, but she could be unnervingly stubborn when she knew it meant she would get her way.

“When he left us, I had just started to accept that possibly it was ok if others cared for me. Not to expect it, but to let them. He showed me a kindness I had never experienced before. One without expectations, freely given with a care for permission. Open with his affection, however I was not ready at the time to confront how I felt about that at the time. His death was hard for me in a very selfish way. I have been trying since to pass on the lessons he gave me, even if I have been clumsy with it.”

Beau softened, her arms relaxed at her sides, and Caleb half feared she would hug him.  But she didn’t, she did something worst.

“I am so sorry Cay.”

All was silent for several moments. Caleb thought about just turning and leaving, already having said too much without having to say goodnight as well. But Beau had no plans to release him yet.

“So what are you going to do about it.”

He would have rathered her punch him.

“Nothing.” He said, flatley. “We are both very different men. It has been a long time since we have seen him last. I have changed, mostly for the better I hope, but he has gone through something incredibly difficult and traumatic. Coming home after so much time has passed, to find that all your friends have moved on and you now wear the face of a man they tried to kill? Its bound to … fuck him up, as it were.” He paused, Beau was grimacing, but he could tell she understood. “What happens next is up to him. If he chooses to stay with us, or take him back to Trostenwald and his circus, it is up to him. He has earned that choice for all the ones he hasn't gotten to make.” He knew it wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear, but it was the best he had.

She relaxed at his answer, but only for a minute. Caleb braced himself uselessly.

“So what about Essek?” Gods she was a menace.

“What about him?” His returned question just prompted more frustration from her.

“Oh you know, the other purple dude that just so happens to also be a super angsty wizard like you, that you have been shamelessly flirting with for days? The one that every time you guys are in the same room, we all have to suffer through the suffocating sexual tension? The one waiting for you to show you his ‘room’, not the guest room?” Each sentence was pointed and bared directly at him.

“Nothing.” He repeated, “I will admit a certain level of attraction, but I am not going to do something foolish as risk all of you. Not when we don’t really know where his loyalties will lie when we leave Aeor. “ It was a simplification of the truth, but still very much true.

“I am not sure you get that choice.”

“How do you mean?”

“Because he obviously has the hots for you dude. He has been working very hard to get into your pants, and I think for the long haul.”  She was looking at him like he was stupid, and he resented that. Of course, he knew that Esske returned the attraction,  and would've had to be blind to not to see it. He wanted very much to reciprocate, he wanted to drag the man into one of the various halls of Aeor, and finally put to rest his theories on how it would feel to kiss him. He had wanted the wizard to embrace him from almost their first meetings. Caleb could still feel the burning on the back of his skull from where Essek had touched him to guide his attention to the dodecahedron, unknowingly distracting him from anything by Essek’s hand. But he needed time, they both did. Time to know that Essek’s motivations were true and could be trusted. There was so much the two hadn't shared with each other, too many secrets and lies still. Too risky with the political and power games they both played to just ignore. Beau though didn't wait for him to answer.

“Hate to admit it, but I don’t want to see the guy get hurt. Not just because he can be a scary motherfucker, but because he is our friend.” She sighed “ And then there is Molly, and really don't want him to get hurt. You know he likes you back?” She asked, but she seemed to know the answer.

Yes, he did. He thought. Of course he noticed Mollymauk treating him much differently than the others. He had flirted, teased, much the same as he did with everyone. However he was a lot more gentle about it, never touched him if Caleb requested space. However alway remained within 5 feet of him if he was exposed in battle to protect him, rather taking a blade himself then Caleb. At first he thought it was a tactical thing, to protect the wizard who is very squishy. But when Molly continued to protect him, sometimes from himself, he knew Mollymauk had singled him out. He has been fairly certain that not even Molly knew how he himself felt, unaware of his different affection since he tended to live his life in the short term and on whims. But Caleb knew.

It had been uncomfortable, and he resisted, but the tiefling unconsciously started tearing down his walls. Then he died, things had changed, and now was very different from then.

“I know.” was all he managed to whisper. He said nothing more for a long time, just looking at the floor of Beau’s room.

“What do you want?” The telegraphed thought surprised him, but she must have known answering aloud would have been too hard. He dragged a frustrated hand through his face before answering,

“I do not know.”

“Well, you better figure it out before getting Essek alone in a room.” She didn’t say anything more, just turned and head to the bathroom he made her, leaving him to see himself out and figure out what he was going to do.

He just needed more time.

[misstrashchan]

So just as a heads up, this is a continuation of this post about which of Smirke's 14 Fears from the Magnus Archives team RWBY+Pyrrha would be aligned with and @im-the-king-of-the-ocean asking my thoughts on Winter, Ozpin and Oscar (sorry it took so long to get back to this! I've had it sitting in my drafts for a while)

Winter: The Slaughter

Winter as an Avatar of the Slaughter is something I hadn't thought of but it actually fits insanely well. The Slaughter does often bring up the question of whether anger and violence is just senseless and mindless, or following orders followed by rationalisation; or if we're entirely conscious of the choices we're making, and which is worse, which is something that Winter's arc has been dealing with A LOT. In how she follows Ironwood's orders and has to rationalise his actions to justify her own and her "choices", like how she explains to Weiss how she accepts her role as the Winter Maiden being her destiny, though it was something Ironwood groomed her into and how she tries to explain to Penny why they have to internalise however they might feel about abandoning Mantle and trust Ironwood.

There's the element of anger which you bring up, and Winter's relationship with anger is interesting to me to think about, because she seems very much afraid in indulging that emotion, or any emotion, and because of the military industrial complex and her abusive controlling upbringing, leads to a lot of emotional suppression and refusal to think on those feelings or deal with them in any healthy way. Which of course leads to everything boiling over, and there's this. Rage, an passionate fury that's boiling inside her. But I wouldn't say it's something she thinks she needs or enjoys right now, quite the opposite. (the idea of being afraid of being hurt, of needing to have control of her situation and to throw back her hurt of the world fits more with Cinder than Winter in my mind, and I think Melanie's relationship with anger and needing it reminds me a lot more of Yang. It justified her need for it and fed into it, and Melanie liked that, she wanted it, but for Winter her anger is something she's ashamed of, something to be locked away)

But I actually do think with where her arc is headed that thinks she will come to indulge in that feeling more. The one time we see her have an angry outburst expressing her true feelings is at Jaques at his dinner party, and she scolds and shames herself for allowing herself to get angry, that it was childish and immature. To which Penny disagrees, saying she thought she was just speaking from the heart. But Winter believes that to precisely be the problem. She cannot allow herself to think, or feel just for herself,  because that terrifies her. So she only allows herself to follow orders. Again, similar to a lot of the Slaughter statement givers who were soldiers in wars of some kind and become numb to the atrocities they are made to commit, the sensless violence of it all, but her choice to accept her lack of agency and self worth still makes her complicit and is still a conscious decision on her part. This sort of meandered and I'm not sure if it made any sense but yes, I hadn't thought of it but the Slaughter actually fits Winter really well for a lot of reasons. And I think we will see her Go Feral in the near future, the thing she's most afraid of, showing how she really feels, and oh boi all that confusion, emotional repression, the lingering bitterness and jealousy towards Penny being the Winter Maiden, and projected feelings of thinking of leaving or betraying Ironwood she's been having and her conflicted feelings pushed onto Weiss, who betrayed and left first, just a whole over boiling pot that's a mess of emotions manifesting as Big Feral Winter Feelings. 

Ozpin:

The Eye, Ceaseless Watcher, Beholding/The Vast, the Falling Titan, Awful Deep

Ohohohoho Ozpin. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to TMA 151 imagining Ozpin as Simon Fairchild or vice versa. Simon's VA was told that his character had to give off the impression that he might offer you a plate of cookies or fling you off a cliff and when I heard that my mind immediately jumped to Ozpin back in v1. And Ozpin's VA said that if he didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders, he'd be a lot more chaotic and fun. And that's the thing with Ozpin though, is that he wants to be Simon Fairchild, so so badly. I think he wants people to see him as that kind of person too. But in reality, he's stuck being Jonathan Sims. (The Ceaseless Watcher's/God of Light's Special Little Boy assdkjhkk) Oz is 100% an Eye Avatar. Fair warning, like with Ruby and the End, I have a lot of Big Feelings with this one. 

I see where you're coming from, but the thing with being an Avatar of the Vast is being so overwhelmed by the expanse and eternity of everything that you just accept your own insignificance as well as everyone else's, hence why they rarely form attachments or work with others. It's a very nihilistic perspective that it's Avatars tend to be very hedonistic as a result, we're all insignificant, nothing matters, let's just do whatever we want and try to have a good time, who cares what happens. And I do think Oz is Vast aligned, since he encourages the people around him, and tries himself, to enjoy the little things and have fun when he can, since he knows Salem is unstoppable and everything could go to shit at any given moment. And yknow. Him enjoying flinging students off of cliffs during initiation a bit too much.

 But Ozpin cares so much about humanity. He desperately wants to believe, and tries to, in humanity, and tries for them. He's been fighting so hard for so long, and believes humanity is worth fighting for (even if he has trouble actually having faith and believing in them). Everything matters to him. He agonises over every choice he makes and impact that has, takes on so much responsibility on himself, is so guilt ridden that he admits to making "more mistakes than any man, woman or child on this planet" that he practically paralyses himself with indecision and guilt. He’s also someone who has been shown to be paranoid, (his reluctance to fully trust the people around him out of constant wariness that he may be betrayed) and afraid of being perceived for who he truly is and having his secrets exposed, which are all very Eye related fears. Ozpin’s very much in this position in which he is the one who knows everything, who passively watches and waits and knows, from up high in his tower. “Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge.” (TMA 89) In the Lost Fable, he believed he needed to be the one to know everything (think to how he only trusted himself to hold onto the relic of knowledge, believing it to be “his burden to bear” and was desperate to take it back from Ruby) and as shown in his past lives, sought after Jinn’s knowledge in the belief that knowledge would help him in his cause, only for the ultimatum of the answer in “Salem can’t be killed” to break him and make him lose all hope of doing anything more than maintaining a perpetual stalemate. In the words of his speech in vol1, in which is a very good example of Ozpin desperately needing to practice what he preaches; 

 “I'll...keep this brief. You have travelled here today in search of knowledge--to hone your craft and acquire new skills. And when you have finished, you plan to dedicate your life to the protection of the people. But I look amongst you, and all I see is wasted energy, in need of purpose – direction. You assume knowledge will free you of this, but your time at this school will prove that knowledge can only carry you so far. It is up to you to take the first step”  (RWBY 1x03) 

There’s also like. A lot of Eye statements, particularly those relating to Jonathan, that relate heavily to Ozpin and his character, including this one:

“And at last, the Archivist looks up. At last, he looks into the eye that sees all, and knows all, and clutches at the secret terrors of your heart. The Ceaseless Watcher of all that is, and all that was; the voracious, infinite hunger that tears at his soul, invoking him to discover, to observe, to experience all, and everything, and forever. It stares into him, and it stares out of him, and he is falling into the devouring eternity of its pupil. He wants to cry out in horror, but he cannot. 

He. Is. Whole. 

And still he does not wake. Wandering his slim collection of gifted nightmares, passing the grey and lifeless remains of severed dreams he can no longer watch, he waits- but not for long- before they can all begin again”

Like if that doesn’t describe Oz’s endless reincarnation and merging, becoming “whole”, and living all these lives is discovering, observing and “experiencing all and forever” then I don’t know what does. And then there’s the last statement we had before the s5 break, also an Eye one, revolving around the “Minister” which also gives off major Oz vibes:

God, the children. They won’t stop looking, won’t stop following him with their piteous, desperate gaze that speaks so loudly his knees feel like they will buckle. ‘Help us.’He will. Of course he will. He wants to. He hasn’t lied to them, he really hasn’t. He used to be one of them, he remembers what it can be like. He is there to speak for them. And if necessary, he will join them again. The minister grips his black leather briefcase closely to his chest, bile rising in his throat at the sudden jolt of fear that races through his veins. Where did that come from? Is he afraid of it, returning, of that sharp stab of hunger, the shivering of a cold you can’t escape? Or is he afraid that should it come to that, they will see him as a deceiver?” 

“On his side of the arena the shouts should be sharper, more angry, but their tone and pitch are such as to merge seamlessly with the others. There are no golden stakes on this side pinning down his would-be comrades. But the minister must be careful not to look too closely, or else he might see how many of his allies are fused to their own chairs, on which they have sat comfortable for so long"

"His eyes drift away, through the walls to the crowd outside. Their baying cries for justice cannot be heard in here. If any whisper should make it through, it is utterly destroyed in the deafening shouting that surrounds him. But he cannot forget their eyes, watching him, piercing him with their wounded humanity.” 

Another thing is that one of Ozpin’s allusions aside from the Wizard of Oz is Odin, and Raven and Qrow are meant to be his Huginn and Muninn, two Ravens that act as his “eyes” spying and gathering information for him. If you look at Raven and Qrow’s emblem, they have a left and right bird’s eye respectively, with Oz’s gear emblem inside the eye. In v4, Salem, upon hearing that Tyrian poisoned Qrow, says “the last eye is blinded” as in,the belief that with Raven having left Oz and Qrow now dying, Oz would have no more eyes to “see” with. You also have Jonah Magnus, whose corpse is missing his eyes, but is able to watch through the eyes of the Archive employees. That and the whole body hopping host thing is a little similar in concept (and Peter Lukas mentions near the end of s4 that if Elias died, Jonah would have chosen Jon as his new host which is just. Terrifying). There's a lot of other little things too, like Oz in the first three volumes is usually shown watching events like the iniitiation, the fight at the docks, and the vytal festival through his cameras in his office, a passive observer rather than someone who is actively involved. And Yang at the end of v6, when Oscar tells them about Oz saving him, says "so he's just been watching is that whole time?" The underlying tone suggesting that he could've come back at any tike but chose to watch them instead, through Oscar, and everyone looking at him like that's pretty weird or creepy (except Ruby tho, because she's Ruby)

I feel like I could go on, but this is probably waaaaay too long, so, in summary, Oz serves the Eye, is basically a perfect candidate for the Archivist, and is also Vast aligned, and in different circumstances would have totally been a great Vast Avatar. 

Oscar: The Spider, the Web, Mother of Puppets

Oscar. Was. HARD.

This lil shit is part of the reason it took so long to make this post. Because see, with other characters the most obvious indicators would be their semblances (which are often manifestations of coping mechanisms for their personal fears or trauma) or songs (which delve deeper into their characters), or have very specific fears that I can focus in on as to how that factors into their arc. But Oscar? He doesn't have a semblance. His whole THING is that he's scared. All the time. His song is called Fear for Pete's sake. Now, he is Oz's reincarnation, and Oscar does also share a fair few things in common with the Archivist and his character arc, (Elias's plan and the whole plot of the first four seasons was that he was trying to align Jon by having him touched by ALL the fears, aka, to fill Jon with fear of everything, so that he became a walking living record of fear) he persistently calls out people's BS and takes issue with people withholding information, also similar to Yang (who I firmly believe is Eye aligned). So like. Eye, right? But that just... doesn't properly fit Oscar. He's not Ozpin. The Stranger, then, becoming a stranger to yourself, perhaps? That is something Oscar's afraid of, right?

"Everything changes when you see a stranger, feel proud or betrayed" (Fear)

But Oscar is growing more confident in his own identity and figuring out who he is. He’s not becoming Oz, he's becoming his own person. And even if he was becoming Oz, Oz is hardly a Stranger to Oscar. The merge, from how it's described in the show, seems more similar to how the Distortion functioned, except Oscar and Oz don't fit into most of the Distortion's themes.

I was sort of uncertain, and I wanted to wait and see till I was more certain of where Oscar's arc was headed this volume, since he's being pushed to his limits and wanted to see how he acted and what choices he made. At the start, because of how he was regretting all the choices he'd made previously, and was telling Oz how badly he didn't want the merge to happen, I was speculating about the possibility of him being manipulated by Salem and Grimm!Oscar happening, which might fall him into the Corruption, but no.

Oscar is the Web.

It fits with his fear of being controlled, of his will not being his own, and like Jonathan, who was marked and scared for life by his encounter with the Web as a child, it is his greatest fear. Only, where Jon was so afraid of the Web he sought the Eye as his refuge, believing it would keep him safe, Oscar realises that can be used to his advantage. (Which actually makes him more like Anabella Cane, which is. Hilarious) He's trying to do what Salem does, focus in on people's weaknesses and fears and dig at them, manipulate and push them, divide them, only like, steering them into the opposite direction than Salem. He's trying to use the fact that people see him as Oz to his advantage and trying to manipulate their impression of him. He's just got this very sneaky, cunning and pragmatic streak in him that people overlook because he's also incredibly kind and just. Good. But those qualities very much scream "Web" to me the more I've dwelled on it.

[spaceorphan18]

Blaine Solos Ranked

With the success of the Kurt Solos Ranked, I thought I’d see if I could do Blaine’s as well.  Which has become an interesting and complicated endeavor.  

First of all - there’s the whole issue of what constitutes as a solo -- especially when he often times has an entire back up group singing along with him.  Things like the Warbler numbers I counted -- because he sings the lead in the song by himself.  Not counted are group numbers where he is featured - such as Hey Jude and This Is the New Year.  Mostly, I stuck to what Glee Wiki counts as a solo, so if you have issues, take it up with them. 

Secondly, when ranking Kurt solos, I took a lot into account of how heavily the song ties Kurt’s story.  While nearly all of Kurt’s solos tie in with his story, the Blaine solos don’t always do so.  So, mostly this is just what I think of them. 

Thirdly, the Blaine fans that I have met are, well, fairly passionate about his music, so I want to say this.  There aren’t really any bad Blaine solos.  Unlike Will and Tina, who were subjected to poor song choices, Blaine’s performances, across the board, are pretty stellar.  So, I’d like to remind everyone that this list is pretty arbitrary and based on my subjective biases.  

So going in - take the list as it is, just a fun look at how one person ranks the solos. :) 

Btw - the trivia on Glee wiki says that Blaine sings 31 solos, but I only found 29 -- do they mean the two songs added to the Warblers CD? Or am I missing a couple??

29. I’m Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You (Prom Queen) 

Look at the list of Blaine solos, and arranging it to a list of things I like more than other things, this just kept sinking down and down.  The biggest reason is that I just don’t like the song.  Yup, that’s it.  Nothing exciting about that really.  But I suppose adding to that is the fact that this performance feels way more Darren than it does Blaine, and that the onscreen performance is mostly Finn and Jesse fighting over Rachel.  As I said earlier, there’s nothing /bad/ about any of Blaine’s solo, I just like all the rest more. 

28. Piano Man (Movin’ Out) 

This is a perfectly fine albeit generic rendition of this number.  So, here’s my thing about this one - when they did Piano Man in season one, not only did the song fit a bit more into context with Will and Bryan Ryan being somewhat washed up losers, there was a grittiness in not only the song but the visuals as well, and we get to do something that TV can do, which is transport us into the atmosphere of the song.  By the time Blaine gets to do this number, all of that context and TV atmosphere has been kind of washed away.  And this feels like a number that everyone would have fun singing at Darren’s piano bar because it’s a classic, and less because it has relevance to any of the story.  

Look - a lot of these numbers are fun numbers just for the heck of it, but since they had already done this one, and since this is supposed to take place of the NYADA audition, I’m marking it down.  You can do a lot with this song, and this performance, mostly, didn’t.  

27. Everybody Wants to Rule the World

This is another one where I just am not a fan of the original song, and I don’t go back to listen to it very often.  That said - it is super fun to see Blaine joining all the clubs and being super interactive in school, even if it’s tinged with the sadness that he and Kurt aren’t connecting much these days. 

26. Bills, Bills, Bills (The Sue Sylvester Shuffle) 

This one has grown on me over the years.  It is a bit random - the Warblers’ singing an impromptu (and somewhat obligatory) Destiny’s Child song for the Superbowl episode.  It has zero story resonance.  But it is hilarious to see how much furniture Darren Blaine stands on during the number.  If nothing else, the number is fun, and the Warblers look like they’re enjoying the hell out of doing it.

25. When I Get You Alone (Silly Love Songs)

This one, still, is one of the cringiest things they did on the show.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s hilariously ridiculous, and Blaine singing to a dude in The Gap about sex toys is just, well, something memorable.  It also is getting points for Kurt’s annoyed looks and Darren’s pink sunglasses.  But overall, it still makes me uncomfortable to watch. 

24. Fighter (Big Brother)

So, mostly, this just isn’t a song I like all that much.  Vocally, Blaine sounds fine on it - and does a decent job with it.  That said, I can’t take it as seriously as I’m supposed to.  There’s something I find unintentionally hilarious about this little, teenage grandpa angsting over his brother.  I know it’s got the infamous shower sequence in here - and I get it, I do.  But the fact that I can’t keep from giggling through it is why it’s a bit lower than the rest.  

23. Against All Odds (Guilty Pleasures)

First of all, I’ve always confused by the debate about this song.  It’s clearly for Sam, because Blaine’s an intense guy with intense emotions, and any song he sings for a person he has feelings for is going to be intense.  Go back and watch When I Get You Alone -- that was intense for a dude he got coffee with twice.  I love Blaine (and Darren) with a piano and his voice, and this is one of the ones that was performed live, so that’s cool.  Not my favorite Phil Collins’s number - so that’s mostly the reason for the position here.  Also not the most visually engaging.  But the song is performed well. 

22. Hopelessly Devoted to You (The Role You Were Born to Play)

I’ve never realized just how many angsty Blaine songs he has in his canon.  It’s kind of like the equivalent of Kurt crying through his solos.  He does it well, and I don’t really have any faults for this one.  It’s visually entertaining as well as sounding pretty good.  But not a favorite song of mine, and therefore just gets notched a bit lower.  

21. Last Friday Night (Pot o Gold)

I actually really like this song, even if I’ve probably heard it enough to be fine with not hearing it again for a long time.  The performance is cute - there’s a nice high energy about it (with the exception of Santana’s dower expression during the whole thing because random season 3 conflict).  However, this is kind of the height of whole Jukebox Blaine thing, where he’s trotted out to sing the hot new single of the summer, and then we just stash him away in the background to sit next to Kurt platonically until he’s needed again.  I like the song and the performance, but am frustrated by the gratuitous context.  

20. It's Not Unusual (The Purple Piano Project)

This one is flirty and high energy and Blaine looks super cute dancing on the stairs.  I don’t really have any faults for this number.  But I’m not particularly emotionally attached to it, either, so so in the middle it goes. 

19. Hey, Soul Sister (Special Education)

I unabashedly love this song - even though I feel like I’m not supposed to since it was way, way over played when it was popular.  But I do.  The performance, however, isn’t the Warblers’ best -- across the board I feel like competition numbers rarely are -- and I’d argue it’s one of Blaine’s weaker vocal performances (sorry Darren), but it’s still fun, and the arrangements for the Warbler songs have always been pretty stellar. 

18. Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' (Michael)

While the song itself is a bit strange, and while I’ve never been a huge MJ fan (sorry my dudes), I think this number is a lot of fun.  It’s visually pretty entertaining, and I love the second half where they bring in all of the different styles MJ had donned over the years.  It’s vocally pretty stagnant, so Blaine doesn’t have to do much here, but it’s about the spectacle anyway - and I enjoy what they did with it. 

17. Something’s Coming

It’s always nice to hear Blaine do a Broadway number to give us a break from the mostly pop music he sings.  While not Blaine’s strongest number vocally (he struggles just a little more on the Broadway ones), I love that he brings the stage alive when it’s just him singing.  He’s incredibly visually engaging, and what he may lack (a little) with the vocals he makes up in energy and enthusiasm, which is always a joy to watch.  Plus, there’s something particularly more attractive about early season 3 Blaine (possibly the fluffier, less gelled hair) that adds a nice touch. 

16. Not While I'm Around (Bash)

Interestingly, the studio version of this song has everyone on it, and I’m so glad they let Blaine sing it on his own - because I feel it’s much more impactful that way.  Not only is this the only real insight we get into Blaine’s head during this episode, but it’s raw and emotional (in a good way), and that adds to story unfolding on our screen.  This might be, perhaps, the shortest number on the list, but its impact is stronger than a lot of the other numbers on the list, which is why I enjoy it a lot more. 

15. Beauty School Dropout (Glease)

My favorite Broadway number that Blaine does on the show.  I kind of love that there’s a lot going on during this song.  Not only is Blaine doing an amazing Teen Angel, there’s the moment in the middle Blaine sees Kurt, and the layered look on Blaine’s face as he tries to hold it together is pretty remarkable.  It’s one of my favorite acting moments from Darren, and one of my favorite times the story of the characters is layered over a seemingly disconnected performance.  Plus, Blaine sounds fantastic on this catchy little number.  

14. Silly Love Songs (Silly Love Songs) 

This is one of those charming Warbler numbers that doubles as an ending feature that actually gives relevance to the story of the episode.  It’s cute and sweet and flirty and fun and everyone gets something interesting to do during it.  I don’t have a lot of commentary to add about it - but it’s a classic for a reason, and because of that, it deserves a higher spot on the list. 

13. You're My Best Friend (Puppet Master)

I’m not sure I fully understand the casts’ aversion to the puppets (though I’ll acknowledge that it’s probably weird to perform with a puppet of yourself).  That said, this number is kinda cool visually, and a nice break from what can be tedious choir room songs at this point in the series.  I also enjoy the song and think Blaine sounds nice on it.  Plus - Blaine totally has a backup career in children’s programming if he ever desired.  It is weird that Blaine’s singing to puppets in the first place, but I do adore this one. 

12. Don't Stop Me Now (Diva)

I enjoy that Blaine’s version of being a diva is just adding a leather jacket and pants to a number he performs exactly the same otherwise.  Again, not much to comment on here, but I love the song, and Blaine sounds great on it, and while it isn’t hugely impactful to his story, I like that it shows Blaine being the ambitious little go-getter that he is.  

11. Misery (Original Song) 

This is another one of those songs that I unironically love.  It is the most upbeat song about being miserable that I’ve ever heard, and while a lot of this song has to do with Kurt and his own mental state, has there ever been a more perfect song for Blaine? (well, yes but I’d digress if I went on about that.)  I love so much about this song, from the choreography to Blaine’s obliviousness with Kurt as the number progresses.  It’s fun and energetic and the most entertaining a subject as misery can get. 

10. Cough Syrup (On My Way) 

This might be the most controversial pick on the list, since I know for a lot of Blaine fans, this is their favorite number.  I think it validates what a lot of people had been thinking - that there’s a lot going on underneath the surface of an outwardly peppy and energetic Blaine Anderson.  And, I do like this song, and find it haunting -- it’s much different than the songs Blaine usually sings.  It’s more emotional and tortured, and it’s fascinating to watch him sing his way through it.  That said, the actual performance of this I rarely ever watch.  It’s laid over Karofsky’s suicide attempt, and I find that sequence incredibly difficult to watch.  So, while I do think a lot of the praise this song gets is completely valid, I can’t claim that it’s my favorite.  I’m giving it an obligatory spot at #10 because I do think it deserves to be acknowledged as one of Blaine’s best solos. 

9. It's Not Alright but It's Okay (Dance With Somebody)

Funny enough, as just a song, this isn’t one of my favorites.  But I love, love what this song does.  Clearly, by now I’m sure you’ve figured out, I love performances that have a lot of layers to them - and this one definitely does.  There’s a great duality going on here between the awkward sadness that Blaine actually sings in the choir room versus the controlled anger that Blaine displays during his own fantasy.  (It’s also one half of a conversation with Kurt that gets resolved when Kurt sings I Have Nothing later on.)  I love the complexity of emotion that goes on during this one, and it remains one of my favorite performances on the show.  

8. My Dark Side (Dynamic Duets) 

Yes, this song is amazing! Again, another one of those performances that has a ton packed in it -- that has the additional quality of sounding and looking fantastic.  I love that this song is entirely about Blaine, and where he is in his life.  We get more tortured Blaine, but this time it’s in a more upbeat, pop-y song that suits Blaine incredibly well.  But mostly, I love his interaction with the Warblers during it, the choreography is brilliant as they slowly start to bring him back in as their leader - and that moment where he parts them and he walks down the center reclaiming his position.  There’s a lot to unpack here, as it easily meshes with the themes of the episode - of dark vs light and of heroes not always being heroic (but worth it anyway).  I love when there’s deeper symbolism in a performance, and this has a ton of that. 

7. All of Me (The Untitled Rachel Berry Project) 

Look, it’s probably no secret that I really love Blaine (and Darren) just sitting at a piano singing.  And I really love this song in general, too.  Blaine’s last solo on the show (unfortunately!) is as tortured as many of the others on this list, but the thing that stands out for me about this one is its simplicity.  It’s just Blaine by himself, working out how he feels about his situation through song.  It’s not really meant to be heard by Kurt (or anyone else) but it’s also a shame that so rarely Blaine gets to let his real emotions be on display, which he does here.  The performance is also beautifully shot, and intentionally evocative of another infamous Blaine solo that’s a little higher on the list. 

6. Raise Your Glass (Original Song) 

This is quintessential Warblers, and quintessential performance Blaine.  This song is amazing on its own, truly.  But the Warblers bring so much warmth and joy to it -- it’s such an engaging and energetic song, I often listen to it as a pick me up.  No - this isn’t essential to Blaine’s character story, but I think it represents all the fun and ridiculousness Blaine and the Warblers arc brought to the show. 

5. Somewhere Only We Know (Born This Way) 

There’s something hauntingly beautiful about this one.  Blaine (and the Warblers) sound great on it, and it’s the beginning of Blaine having a tortured and emotional underbelly to his personality.  But more so, this song is about endings, and this is a turning point in Kurt’s and Klaine’s story as we say goodbye to Dalton and move on with the rest of Kurt’s journey.  And it’s a dialogue between Kurt and Blaine, despite the sea of people around them, things are changing between them for better and for worse and for... just growing up, and this song encapsulates that beautifully. 

4. All You Need is Love (Love, Love, Love)

Not gonna lie, this one is 100% about the context within the show.  When I first heard the song, when it was released before the episode, it was kinda like - cool, Darren’s singing a Beatles cover.  But the actual performance, the fact that this is essentially a love letter to the Klaine story, makes it one of the most precious and romantic numbers in the entire show.  Blaine pulls out all the stops for Kurt here, and I can never just watch the performance, but always continue on to the proposal as well.  It’s a beautiful performance, and a beautiful moment for Klaine and an utter highlight for the show itself. 

3. It’s Time (The New Rachel) 

Perhaps a number I’ve seen more than any other, I just love this number so much. Yes, it’s a good song.  Yes, Blaine sounds great on it.  And yes, the choreography is a ton of fun.   But it’s also Blaine, very much himself, torn between being a child and growing up.  There’s an unspoken dialogue between Kurt and Blaine during this song, about moving on from being stuck, and while this number is very childlike in it’s choreography, the subject matter is a little more mature -- being about moving on from the places your feel safe and journeying out in the world to be the person you’re supposed to be.  There’s also a duality here -- where Blaine is stuck in the childlike land of high school as Kurt moves on to college and New York.  This is another turning point in their story (as is all the songs done on these steps for these two), and I absolutely love that.  But, it shouldn’t be discounted that it is a really good song that Blaine sounds really good on -- which is why it makes it one of Blaine’s best solos. 

2. Teenage Dream Acoustic (The Break Up) 

I’m sure that no one is surprised this at the top of the list. But what I can’t stress enough is that this is, hands down, one of the best performances done on the show period.  Katy Perry’s original version of Teenage Dream is a trashy, forgettable pop song.  What Darren Criss did with it is nothing short of magical.  But then to bring this arrangement and add in his most phenomenal acting performance, even if it did break all of our hearts.  The thing I love especially about the show version (vs the studio version) is that we get to see Blaine slowly break down and become unraveled while singing it.  The performer that Blaine is starts to break down and this performance becomes an utter mess -- which makes it all the more powerful, moving, and heartbreaking.  I love everything that this number chooses to be -- from exposing Blaine’s character, to the breaking of the fairy tale romance that is Klaine, to letting it be an end of one thing while the beginning of another.  

Meanwhile, on another note, I’ve heard Darren sing this enough in his own performances that I have somewhat disassociated this version with the Klaine break up - but that doesn’t make this arrangement less powerful.  Darren took a somewhat throwaway song and made something uniquely beautiful with it -- and that’s incredibly special, too.  

1. Teenage Dream (Never Been Kissed)

I’m sure you’re gasping with surprise.  But, this is no. 1 for a reason.  While I think the acoustic version is better sounding (there’s just a tad too much auto tune here for reasons I’m unsure about), this number is the epitome of all Blaine numbers.  It’s his introduction to the show, and so much of Blaine’s character was cultivated out of this performance.  On top of that -- this performance made Kurt alive again, and it’s the beginning of a wild and beautiful story that would be the Klaine love story.  It also became a major hit for the show - thrusting the music of Glee to a height that it never really could match again.  

The scene is iconic and classic.  The song is iconic and classic.  Everything that is Blaine and the Klaine love story is wrapped up in this one.  And every time I come back to it, I can’t help but smile - which is why this one remains at the top spot for me.  

[tashaalyssa]

Our Earth-Bound Angel: An Open Letter to Misha Collins

September 18, 2008. It was a Thursday.

A simple, ordinary day. Most of us went to work, or school and when we came home, we were so excited to sit down and watch the new episode of this little show we were all kind of obsessed with called Supernatural. You might have heard of it, two annoyingly handsome brothers, a ’67 chevy impala, saving people, hunting things, the family business? Yeah, that’s the one. All I remember is having a ton of uni work to do, and Supernatural was always one of my favourite ways to procrastinate starting my assignments. Little did I know that on this particular Thursday, I and the rest of the world, including the Winchesters, would be introduced to a strange, stoic, ocean-blue-eyed, trench coat wearing being by the name of Castiel, Angel of the Lord.

As I sit here today, in November of 2020, hands down the strangest year I have been alive to witness and fifteen years after this incredible, groundbreaking show aired, I wait with anticipation, heartbreak and a grateful heart as the final episode hits our screens. I’m on the rollercoaster of emotions, as is the rest of the SPN family. Sam and Dean Winchester, and Castiel, have been so much more than television characters to so many people. They’ve been role models, safe places, escapes, friends we could always turn too when we felt alone. They’ve fought heaven, hell and everything in between, all while helping us fight the demons that a lot of us deal with everyday; depression, anxiety, repression, silence, violence, cruelty and bullying. Which brings me to why I'm writing this epistle. 

While Supernatural and it’s characters have been a crux of support, for me, there has been one soul at the centre of what I can only describe as a shift in perspective, mindset and spirituality that has changed the way I think, the way I live my life, the way I perceive the world and the way in which I am consciously aware. That soul is Misha Collins. 

Misha is the kind, genuine, incredible, humble human being who brought Castiel to life. He took this iconic angel through his journey from stoic, unwavering, unfeeling solider to the caring, loving, brave, loyal man he is today. Cas gave all of us who lived in the shadows a voice, he was a lost soul who fought for good, for love and for family at every turn. He discovered himself, he figured out right from wrong, figured out emotions, how to be and how to love, he figured out what truly made him happy, his love for a single human being. Cas is the embodiment of growth, of acceptance and of love. He is, and will forever be, one of the most groundbreaking characters to ever grace our screens (pun not intended, but I'll take it), and it's an astonishing and beautiful legacy to leave behind.

But the real earth-bound angel is Misha, the person. 

Misha has impacted and changed so many lives all around the world, not just with his character, but with who he is, what he fights for, and how he inspires. When he speaks, we listen. Where he leads, we follow. He has changed my life in monumental ways and it's interesting to think that a single person, who I've never even had the privilege to meet in person, has been able to change my entire life for the better. There is nobody quite like Misha; he's a change maker, an advocate, an educator, an activist, a philanthropist, an absolute force to be reckoned with. I’ve never seen someone who uses their power and platform of celebrity the way he does; to fight for good, to fight for change and truly make a difference on both massive and small scales. He has brought about more kindness, and more social and political change than I ever thought possible. 

In 2010, Misha, with help from the SPN Family, founded a non-profit organisation called Random Acts, which was the result of an immediate need to help those who had been affected by the earthquakes in Haiti at the time. Random Acts is an entirely volunteer-run organisation aiming to inspire change and help make a difference in people’s lives through acts of kindness. I have been working at Random Acts going on four years now. In that time, I have seen and been apart of so much good, so much kindness, it has truly lifted my soul and filled my heart at a deep level. I’ve been able to work with some of the greatest human beings on the planet, and many of them who have become close friends. Those who I can talk too when things are rough, those who know life can be hard, but they always have your back. I cherish them, I feel blessed everyday to know them, and without Misha and his desire to do good, I would never have found this amazing family. How does one even begin to say thank you for that?

For those of you who don’t know much about Random Acts, we are a non-profit organisation dedicated to conquering the world with kindness, one act at a time - and let me tell you, that’s exactly what we’re doing. The people in this organisation work tirelessly to save the world every single day. We’ve helped suffering communities rebuild their towns, homes and schools, our partnerships with GISH* and The Legacy of War Foundation* in the Change A Life project has seen over $750,000 raised for those in need. Let’s also not forget the development of the  Random Acts COVID-19 Support Program and the SPN Family Crisis Support Network*, which is dedicated to promoting awareness and providing resources to all those suffering from mental health issues, self-harm, depression, bullying and addiction. This year we are celebrating 10 years of kindness, and if you would like to know more about how to get involved or contribute to our anniversary campaign, you can do so here: https://www.randomacts.org/ten-years-of-kindness/  

But wait, there’s more, because that’s just who Misha is, like I said, a force to be reckoned with. Let’s face it, 2020 has been a nightmare on an epic scale; COVID,  racism, violence, the U.S presidency and the election, you name it, we’ve done it. Throughout this year, most of us felt our hope slip away bit by bit, the more we tried to fight, the more it felt like we lost. It felt as though the world was burning and we couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. I think I finally understood how Sam, Dean and Cas felt at the brink of every apocalypse they ever faced, because that is truly what this year was; the apocalypse. But whenever things got really tough, whenever I didn’t know what to do, or how to react or how to make it better, I knew I could turn to Misha, because he would have the answer. His light, his wisdom and his capacity for hope and goodness was never short of a miracle, and it was what got me through most of those gut-wrenching, 'I can’t do this’ days. 

Misha is the type of person who acts on what he believes in, he is the person encouraging people to vote, providing resources and the information needed to make sure your votes were counted. He has had Random Acts volunteers bring snacks to people who were waiting in voting lines, he rallied his friends and the SPN Family to set up the SPN Phone Bank, he hosted the SPNVotes Zoom GOTV rally and episode watch party, and has provided us with Senate candidates and House of Representatives candidates lives and zoom talks so we can be as informed as possible. And that was just for the election. When the Black Lives Matter movement was at it’s height, Misha did everything in his power to educate, to assist and to fight for the rights of others: the GISH Change A Life project raised over $50,000 to fight malaria in Africa with Nothing But Nets and over $122,000 for Cut50 and Dream Corps' to help fight for criminal justice reform, he also provided us with access to discussions with senators and prominent leaders in social change so that we can be educated and so we can educate others on the serious issues that plague our society. 

I could go on and on about this man, because the above only scratches the surface of what Misha has done for the world. I have never had someone impact my way of thinking and way of being on such an epic scale. Most of you who know me know that first and foremost, I’m an actor and I’m a writer. The inspiration that Misha has brought to my creative process is a feat in itself. To be able to watch an actor take a guest-star role and turn it into not just a main character, but a phenomenal example of development, growth and creativity has forever changed the way I approach a script and a character. The choices I’ve seen Misha make as Cas, all versions of, have both truly astounded and surprised me, I look up to Misha as an actor because he’s so uniquely creative. He’s not afraid to try things, he’s not afraid to push the envelope and get out of his comfort zones. He knows character and story so very well, he knows exactly how to use the full spectrum of emotions exactly when needed, and he has what I can only think to describe as ‘presence’, as ‘energy’ that radiates off the screen. Watching Misha play, develop and grow the essence that is Cas’ has been an educating and enlightening experience to watch as an actor. 

For me as a human being, Misha has flipped the way I view the world and humanity on its head. He has this unbridled passion for life - and I don’t just mean in the sense that he loves life - I mean in the way where being around him, or listening to him, makes every person accountable for kindness and responsible for change. It’s not possible to follow Misha as a person and as an actor without being so heavily impacted by his views, his life, his art, his work, his capacity for good, everything. You don’t see that everyday. We don’t have enough of those kinds of leaders in our lives, and in a world where division and chaos is rife, people like Misha are our chance to save it. He is already so heavily impacting the way in which the next generation is going to behave, they are turning to him now to see how to be, what to do, how to make the world better. And he is teaching them and showing them the way and I couldn’t be prouder to call this man my idol.

So this is my thank you, in the best way I know how. In case nobody’s told you lately Misha, you are one of a kind. They broke the mould when they made you. You are the kindest, most inspiring soul and this world is so lucky and so blessed to have you. I feel privileged that I get to share a planet with you, and that I get to be living on this earth at the same time as you. You’ve changed the world, changed me, and changed all of us for the better.  You’ve opened our eyes to issues and concerns, whether it be social, environmental, political or otherwise that we may not have understood or given much thought to before you showed us why we should. You’ve made us feel safe, you’ve given us the space and room to be ourselves, to not be ashamed of being different or unique. You have never judged us, but you have always encouraged and supported us. You have this beautiful way of talking to people, of using words to encourage and inspire and motivate us to be the change, to do the good, and to fight the fight.  You light up any room you’re in or screen that you’re on, you make us smile and laugh, and when we feel down or low, it is you we turn too. Maybe you truly do have angel grace inside of you. You are the example to which I live my life by, and the standard to which I hold myself accountable. I hope one day to be even half the human being you are. I’m beyond grateful for everything you’ve taught me, about life, about acting, about being a good human, about being yourself and being the good you want to see in the world.

Thank you for Cas. Thank you for Random Acts and the Crisis Network. Thank you for GISH and the Change A Life project. Thank you for teaching me how to be better. Thank you for caring about the world. Thank you for your hope, wisdom and kindness. Thank you for changing the world. Thank you for saving our lives. Thank you for changing my life. Thank you for being you.

Some heroes don’t wear capes, some wear trenchcoats. 

You are my hero. You are truly an angel, there is no fiction about that.

I love you.

xxx

* GISH: The Greatest International Scavenger Hunt, also founded and run by Misha, is an annual event that mixes the weird, the magical, the strange and the brilliant into one big machine that uses playfulness and creativity to spread kindness: https://www.gish.com/ 

* The Legacy of War Foundation: Co-founded by the incredible soul that is Giles Duley, to help empower and rebuild the lives of those who have been affected by conflict and violence: https://www.legacyofwarfoundation.com/ 

* SPN Family Crisis Network: Founded by Misha and fellow actors, Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki upon listening to the stories told to them by the fans about their  personal struggles with mental health issues, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts/attempts, self-harm, and addiction in order to support and help fans cope with such issues: https://www.imalive.org/, https://twloha.com/, and https://www.randomacts.org/random-acts-support-network/ 

[path-of-my-childhood]

Taylor Swift’s Quiet Crusade To Aid Nashville’s Arts, Education, And LGBTQ+ Communities

By: Rachel Brodsky for UPROXX - [Excerpts] Date: February 28th 2020

As anyone who recently watched Swift’s Netflix documentary, Miss Americana, might realize, the “Lover” singer is publically and passionately invested in her adopted hometown of Nashville.

At the heart of Miss Americana is a woman who, in some way or another, has spent her entire career giving back to various causes in all three communities she has called home over the years: Reading, Pennsylvania, where she donated, $70,000 in books to her local library; New York City, where she gifted $50,000 in proceeds from her 2014 single “Welcome to New York” to New York Public Schools; and, perhaps most publicly, Nashville.

In many ways, Swift has spent her entire career with one eye on local issues. As far back as 2007, Swift, who was 18 at the time, teamed up with Tennessee Governor Phil Bredesen to combat internet sex crimes, launching a campaign to protect children from online predators. (The issue, if you’ll recall, was a hot-button one, with Congress eventually passing a law in 2008 that authorized $60 million of annual funding for state and regional underage sex crime investigations).

A few years later, in 2010, Swift created the Taylor Swift Charitable Fund in Nashville, which provided flood relief for a massive two-day rainfall that killed 26 people in the area. And that wouldn’t be the only natural disaster relief Swift would offer to Tennessee’s Music City: Three years later, in 2013, Swift gave $100,000 to the Nashville Symphony Orchestra, which, at the time, was grappling with $40 million worth of flood damage to their building, in addition to ongoing financial losses left over from the Great Recession. It was, as Alan Valentine, President and CEO of the Nashville Symphony tells Uproxx over the phone, a “perfect storm”:

“We had played with her on the river when she was a teenager. She saw the trouble we were having and decided that we were a cause she wanted to do something about. It was just an incredible day, because it did two things: provide real help when we really needed it. But it was a much bigger thing than the money. It just really changed everybody’s outlook. [It helped] morale more than you can imagine.”

Not all of Swift’s local philanthropic efforts have been so public, though. Valentine is quick to note that the singer can be selective with which donations she chooses to publicize. 

“It’s not for me to disclose to you, but I happen to know she’s done a lot of things that nobody even knows about, things she wanted to do for other people. She did it very quietly. A lot of it is kept anonymous. I have to tell you, I just think the world of her. I think she’s a really incredible person and every time I see anybody being critical of her, I just think, ‘Man, you just don’t know what you’re talking about. You just don’t even know her.’”

Valentine and the Nashville Symphony have hardly been the only ones impacted by Swift’s largesse. In 2012, Swift pledged $4 million to fund a new education center at Nashville’s Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum (the largest capital contribution by an individual in the museum’s history at the time), which opened in 2014 and featured three classrooms and a state-of-the-art children’s exhibit gallery.

Through the years, Swift has shown no sign of slowing down her benefaction toward Nashville. Just last spring, she donated $113,000 to Tennessee Equality Project, a pro-LGBTQ advocacy group. The gift, which came with a handwritten letter addressed to Chris Sanders, the group’s Executive Director, came at an ideal time for the organization, which fights against discriminatory legislation from the Tennessee General Assembly and has increased its supporter base to include more than 100 faith leaders to denounce six anti-LGBT bills, nicknamed the “Slate of Hate,” that are going through the state legislature.

“Dear Chris, I’m writing you to say that I’m so inspired by the work you do, specifically in organizing the recent petition of Tennessee faith leaders standing up against the ‘Slate of Hate’ in our state legislature,” Swift wrote. Sanders tells Uproxx in an email:

“I stood up and sat down and stood up again when I got the call from her team that it was coming. I couldn’t believe it. Your organization works hard for years without that level of support and then when the support comes it’s like an emotional burden has been lifted... She really got what we were trying to do and knew that it was the right move in a state like Tennessee. Her gift gave us the freedom to fight back rather than just get by.”

[ficsinhistory]

A Lily for You - A BH6 Theory

Hello folks! So, with the announcement that the third season is coming out this summer, probably in August, I thought it could bring some theory and opinions about a character that might appear and have a relevant role in the third season.

It all starts in the episode that destroyed my heart, City of Monsters; and with the medical character that appeared in part 1:

Lily. (yes, she has a name.)

Lily is the person who helped Tadashi in programming the Baymax medical matrix and is responsible for all medical knowledge of the robot. If Tadashi is the father of the health assistant, Lily would be the mother.

Here the video that shows the exact part that she appears. ( begin in 0:17)

At first I thought her appearance was something unique and just a cute scene that would make us emotional, after all it was not even mentioned as she was called.

Then she gets a name in the credits.

And then I was intrigued. 

If it were a single appearance, we wouldn’t get a name on the credits, just  doctor or something, but she have a name! Which made me think that we would see her again. But on second thought, Lily being who she is, she wouldn't show up just once.

"What?" You ask. Let's look at the facts and what they imply:

Lily is technically the co-creator of Baymax. Tadashi did the whole project, and deserves all the glory for persistence and sleepless nights, and being able to put everything in order in a fluffy and perfect machine. But man, Lily has a fair share in creating Baymax! All his medical knowledge was given by her and that was vital in the schedule. Tadashi recognized that. If we were to put it on labels, Lily gave Baymax's heart while Tadashi gave conscience and body. And what gives it more weight, in my opinion? Maybe Lily is the only one who has information about Baymax that even Hiro doesn't have, maybe some of the raw material or something. And thinking more about it, Lily is theoretically the only person who participated in the creation of Baymax who is still alive, probally. It is not known whether she stayed long during the original project and how big her part was in programming and knowledge. But, Tadashi took 84 test until Baymax is perfect for use. And you don't build a matrix from scratch in a few days, which takes me ...

Lily and Tadashi. They were friends. From what the video shows, Lily was the only source of medical information and that certainly must have required hours of research and many times she would have to go to SFIT to check if the information was being performed correctly and all that jazz. And that alone raises several questions: was she a student at SFIT? Is there a medical course at SFIT? If the answer was no, how the hell did she know Tadashi? What led him to decide that she would be a good help in building Baymax? How did she get into SFIT if she is not a student, special pass or something? Did Callaghan - and now Grandville - know her? Do the other gang members know her, since she would go to the lab often? Hiro obviously didn't know her due to his reaction to thinking that his brother had done everything himself, but if the others did, why didn't they say anything? Did Aunt Cass know her? What catches me every time is that they didn't seem to be just friends, but close friends. Unlike what Karmi and Hiro did, Baymax took more than one night to be mafe, which implies that they worked a lot together. From what she is wearing, Lily appears to be someone in her years of residence assuming that she is around Tadashi's age, and, consequently, in the final year of her course. And such a person is very busy; but there she was helping and leaving Baymax more than a giant, talking balloon. And if you see the video above, despite the little interaction the body language of both shows comfort and nonchalance. We have nicknames, we have praise, we have literal closeness and relaxation. These two got along well, very well, and I wanna know more. (And it's probably just me, but doesn't their interaction kinda seem a little... flirtatious? Just saying,..)

Lily as a character and its impact on the plot. If I'm right and if Lily really does become a relevant character, it will bring several points: First, it will have an emotional impact for Hiro: Lily would be Tadashi's first friend who is not his friend. A strange person who apparently has a personal imprint on his brother's greatest work. How would he see her? What would make Hiro see her? Maybe Baymax was too damaged? Maybe an accident? Maybe she'll become a campus doctor since - assuming she's Tadashi's age - she would have graduated and would work there?(!) Second, the impact on Baymax: Baymax had little time with Tadashi, but seems to value him very much as his friend's brother and perhaps even as a creator. But, what would he feel about Lily? Baymax knows that it had a bearing on her upbringing and nothing suggests that they have seen each other again. What would happen if they saw each other? What if he and Hiro have different opinions about her? Would he see you as a co-creator? Third, emotional impact on the team. Everyone in the gang was friends with Tadashi. And if it is true that they did not know Lily, what would it be like to live with her? How would they see it? Of course, not all friends of a common person know each other, but the interaction would be interesting and I can dream. However, all I have said here are guesses in just a few seconds. which brings us to the last topic.

Who Lily can be. Lily doesn't appear much and her first appearance is also the only one. However, as far as we can judge from the video, she seems to be someone kind, helpful and with a great sense of humor. In addition, she seems to be concerned, trustworthy and very intelligent, as Tadashi would certainly not trust anyone to be her source of health knowledge for something so important. As I said, she may appear because she is a new doctor on campus or some other reason. It would be interesting to see her react to Tadashi's death, see more of his younger brother and more about the robot she helped create. Ther than that, my only conclusions about her future and role are, as I always see when I search for a new character, the search for the name. Lily is a name derived from a flower, which reflects the apparent field of action: Health and Biology (in reality she has this and more in common with a certain biotechnology prodigy, but that is the subject for another post). Lilies have both happy and sad meanings. Here's what I found from some sources: Lily can mean purity, passion, motherhood and love. All of them would make sense with the character, Lily seems to be someone who has not made any big mistakes in life and who has always tried to show that she wants to help others (although this may be questionable), besides possibly also being passionate about her own profession and loving everyone enough to wanting to be a doctor. Maternity is ironically correct, since in theory she is the mother of Baymax, and can, like Honey Lemon, have a maternal personality. Finally, the most important meaning is that lilies are a flower of grief. They symbolize the loss, the transience of life and the memory of the innocents who died. Which is both poetic and appropriate. Lily was a friend of Tadashi. It is the only part of the original design, of the original Baymax, that remains. Tadashi died, the other Baymax is on the portal indefinitely. She is the memory. Not to mention that this can be part of her arc, how mourning her friend affects her or how she can help others with it. Or both. Anyway, this analysis has gone on too long and I'm probably like this: 

In the end, Lily may not even show up, all I said was that she actually got a name in the credits and her narrative potential. Now I want to know about you, what do you think about Lily and if she has a chance to appear?

[studiopeachz]

Task Brainstorm & Research

What am I passionate about?

Food

Cultures

Traveling

Music

tattoos/illustrations/designs

art/painting/drawing

Mental health

Self discovering/acceptance/explorations/expressions

What do you wish more people understood?

I wish people understood more about the different forms of self expression through different ways such as art, design, fashion, literature, etc. 

I wish people understood more about human rights, or general personal choices without judgement

What do you feel strongly about?

I feel strongly about self love and acceptance because the factors of accepting ourselves can be hard but can make us flourish, and gives us opportunities to express how we feel 

What makes you feel good?

Art in different forms makes me feel good has it drives my curiosity to learn and dig deeper for meaningful things

Beauty and self acceptance, embracing our imperfections

Wise words/sayings that inspire and impact me and others in a positive way

What makes me unhappy?

As an empathetic person, I feel unhappy for the one who also feels unhappy or any certain unstable emotions.

Making mistakes also make me upset as it is hard to admit our own wrong doings

Stereotypes, because it gives us an invalid label to individuals which do not define us as a whole

I don’t like when people judge you right away without knowing you

If you could fix something, what would it be?

I would want to fix the past mistakes i have done, wishing i could of done better

I would of want to fix the moments that I wish i could of done or fulfilled which leads to present regrets

What would you like to see in the future?

I would like to see everyone in the world to be kinder, and more understanding towards each other as it gives opportunities to get to know individuals truly, without having to judge them right away.

I would also like to see people normalizing natural and imperfect things and different creations of forms of self expression without any judgement, but curiosity instead. 

What would you like to shine a light on?

I would like to raise awareness about the beauty of differences and self expression, even in peculiar artistic ways

What do you see that others don’t see?

As an optimistic person, I like to see the good in everything, therefore I have this willingness to listen and to understand situations, stories, and journeys of others.

I find the most imperfect things to be beautiful. 

Things about Gen Z

https://www.livingfacts.org/en/articles/2020/meet-gen-z 

https://danschawbel.com/blog/39-of-the-most-interesting-facts-about-generation-z/ 

Demographics

Gen Zers are also the most diverse generation. Research by the Center determined that nearly half (48%) of 6- to 21-year-old Gen Zers are racial or ethnic minorities, compared with 39% of Millennials in that age bracket in 2002 and more than double the percentage of early Baby Boomers in 1968.

Attitudes

In many instances, the youngest generation’s views follow Millennials’ social attitudes, and are in stark contrast to the oldest group, the Silent Generation, with Baby Boomers and Gen Xers falling in the middle.

For example, 70% of Gen Zers say government should do more to solve societal problems, rather than leaving it to businesses and individuals. By comparison, 64% of Millennials and only 39% of Silents say government should do more. Similarly, roughly 6 in 10 Gen Zers and Millennials say increasing racial and ethnic diversity is good for society, compared with about 4 in 10 Silents.

Gen Z’s as consumers 

55% of Gen Z would rather buy clothes online and 53% would rather buy books and electronics online. [JWT]

Their favorite items to spend money on are food and drink (36%), going out with friends (32%) and clothes (18%). [Visa]

66% want to own both houses and cars in their lifetimes. [Deep Focus]

Gen Z’s most used tech devices are the smartphone (15.4 hours/week), TV (13.2 hours/week) and a laptop (10.6 hours/week). [Vision Critical]

50% would look on their phone to look for a better price while shopping at a retail store. [Gen HQ]

63% are concerned when it comes to protecting their identity when paying with a debit or credit card online or in a retail store. [Gen HQ]

Gen Z values

76% are concerned about man’s impact on the planet. [JWT]

79% of display symptoms of emotional distress when kept away from their personal electronic devices. [University of Maryland]

90% would be upset if they had to give up their Internet connection while only 51% would give up eating out and 56% would give up downloading music. [JWT]

84% multitask with an Internet-connected device while watching TV. [Forrester Research]

They have more than 10 apps on their smartphone with 10% having more than 40. [Visa]

60% of Gen Zs say “a lot of money” is a sign of success. [Deep Focus]

What are some general Gen Z issues/behaviours/values: 

Social anxiety (mental health)

Racial equality

Gender identity

Self esteem

Political and social issues

Technology/ social media content

Personal beliefs and values in comparison to older generations 

Speaking up/inner voice

Stress response

Optimistic attitude “it is what it is”

Three Campaign Ideas relatable to Gen Z demographic In Aotearoa:

(self expression)

gender identity / fashion & style / art & design / illustration / ink / skin art - tattoos

(self acceptance & confidence)

Body Image & Positivity / cultural roots / growth / well-being / 

(cultural diversity)

Culture / tradition / ethnicity / foundation / 

Research Gen z with self expression, self acceptance, and cultural diversity

WHAT DOES SELF-EXPRESSION REALLY MEAN TO GEN Z?https://www.havaspeople.com/project/what-does-self-expression-really-mean-to-gen-z/ 

We always knew that Gen Z would be distinctive. They are the first true digital natives, and grew up during times of uncertainty (the wake of the last financial crisis and Brexit in the UK). But over the last year the identity of this generation has been further shaped in a profound way as some of their most formative years are taking place against the backdrop of a global pandemic, with the significant interruptions that has wrought to school, university, and early working lives, as well as social connections. Gen Z were on the precipice of progress when COVID hit “pause” on life. And yet many Gen Zers are emerging as resilient, energized, and eager to express themselves and have their voices heard.

Rinsta (real) and Finsta (fake) social media accounts, often to keep certain aspects of their life hidden from family, potential employers, and others outside of their close social circles). Yet – on the whole – they trust the technology brands and platforms themselves.

69% of Gen Z believe that brands should make their stance on social and political issues known publicly. I believe this is what Gen Z mean by brand authenticity. 

showing us that authenticity does not just mean having a clear point of view, but also using your clout as a brand to share and amplify the causes that matter to you. 

showing your own alignment with the purpose and intent of a brand. Gen Z see the brands who they follow, ‘like’, and buy as a personal reflection of them as individuals, which is why they are prepared to pay more for brands that they believe support sustainability. If that’s how profoundly Gen Zers believe the impact of their consumer choices can affect the way they express themselves, it stands to reason that this will cut even deeper with regard to career choices, which is one of the reasons

This seems an important aspect of self-expression. Gen Z share a willingness to discuss issues in an open reflective way, and to seek out different opinions, which is one reason social channels are increasingly viewed as credible sources of news. To give another example, Gen Z are more comfortable talking about mental health issues than previous generations. While this can be attributed in part to the overall rise in awareness and acceptance of mental health issues over the last fifteen years, it is a noticeable shift from previous generations.

https://extremereach.com/blog/for-gen-z-consumption-is-about-self-expression/ “Consumption for this generation is an expression of individual identity.”

“Some people are angry and resentful because they feel like their voice isn’t heard, so clothing is a space where they can be self-governed.”

They’re experiencing brands in every corner of their online life and so these same “brands need to beware this generation’s discernment because they have a bloodhound-like nose for inauthenticity.”

We’ve been more empowered than ever, so why are Gen-Z the least confident generation yet? https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/gen-z-least-confident-generation 

Indeed, statistics show that, instead of a defining feeling of hope among Gen Z, there is a groaning sense of pessimism - of hopelessness. Long running research from University College London, revealed earlier this year that depression levels are two-thirds higher than millennials. The study found 14.8 per cent of 14-year-olds in 2015 said they were depressed, compared to 9 per cent in 2005. While 14.4 per cent of young people said they had self-harmed, compared to 11.8 per cent a decade ago.

“I feel like Gen Z and millennials occupy a really interesting place in politics,” says Nogia, 20 “- we’ve only known austerity, we’ve only know casual work, we’ve only know life long sentences of debt for getting an education and we’re living in an age of populism and hatred in politics.”

So, is this having a detrimental effect on a generation’s mental health and personal confidence? Pretty much.

Youth Engagement Officer at YoungMinds, “Young people today have to navigate a huge range of pressures, from school or university stress, to worries over their career and housing prospects, to the rise of social media, which can make problems like bullying or body image issues more intense than they were in the past.”

Social media is - predictably - a major cause of generational anxiety. Not only is it connecting us to the world’s most depressing news stories, it is also connecting us to a plethora of airbrushed, Facetuned accounts making us feel terrible about ourselves. No wonder confidence is low.

Gen Z demands more diversity and inclusion from brands https://www.campaignlive.com/article/gen-z-demands-diversity-inclusion-brands/1705491 

Gen Zers made clear throughout the study that they want brands to step up their efforts around representation. For example, 76% of Gen Zers said they feel diversity and inclusion is an important topic for brands to address, compared to 72% of millennials, 63% of Gen Xers and 46% of Baby Boomers who felt the same.

“Consumers don't want to see brands making an effort to be inclusive just for means of publicity,” said Jenna Stearns, researcher at quantilope and lead on the report. “They want to see something that's authentic and consistent.”

But brands that resonate most with Gen Z consumers are consistent in their support of social justice. Target, for example, has been vocal around LGBTQIA awareness and Pride month for years, said Steph Rand, senior research consultant at quantilope. 

“These brands are rising to the top because they are sustaining and consistently making [these issues] a priority, either in their communications or around the content they produce,” Rand said.

Responses regarding representation also varied by race, gender and sexual orientation. Individuals responded they feel their gender is more represented in mainstream media (70% male; 66% female) and brand advertising (71% male; 68% female) than their sexual orientation or ethnicity.

In 2021, consumers hope to see more individuals with disabilities represented in advertising and media, as well as more authentic PR backed up by action.

Integrated Awareness Campaign Examples:

Self Expression Campaign example: https://www.lsnglobal.com/youth/article/24865/a-kombucha-campaign-that-celebrates-self-expression 

Los Angeles – Health-Ade Kombucha’s latest campaign targets a new generation of health-conscious drinkers.

The campaign, You Brew You, introduces the brand’s new flavour and packaging concepts, as well celebrating the popularisation of kombucha. Diverging from traditional drinks advertising, it features a series of young models in bright clothing with colourful, neon-lit backdrops.

While kombucha brands tend to communicate in a way that focuses on health, wellness and fitness activities such as yoga, Health-Ade Kombucha is on a mission to change the image of the beverage and target a new generation of digitally-native consumers.

As the younger generation look to the future and consider how drinking impacts their health, they are turning towards soft drinks with additional health benefits. For more, explore the insight section of our macrotrend Anxiety Rebellion.

Self love/acceptance Campaign Example: https://fredandfar.com/blogs/ff-blog/banksy-made-me-do-it-transforming-everyday-ads-into-self-love-campaigns 

This stunt can have multiple meanings, as Banksy often uses his art to comment on such structures as capitalism, power imbalances, and corruption. 

Wrapped up in the Banksy frenzy ourselves, we started questioning art and its subjective worth. What makes art valuable? What qualifies as art? In what way can art be used or manipulated to impact our everyday lives? We live in a world saturated by advertisements, media and marketing targeting and manipulating us to be passive consumers. Thinking about what we are subjected to daily by multimillion dollar companies is eye opening, as is Banksy’s take on copyright laws and advertising.

Banksy urges, “any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It's yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.”

So let’s take back the power. We got the ball rolling by taking some campaigns and slogans you might recognize, and turning them into campaigns for self love and acceptance.

Join us by creating your own better slogan and use the hashtag #banksymademedoit. What we need is more self love in the world. Let’s saturate the world with our mission.

Cultural Diversity Campaign Example: https://www.refuelagency.com/blog/examples-of-brands-who-got-multicultural-marketing-right/ 

Rihanna’s brand, Fenty, is all but synonymous with authentic inclusive marketing, created on the foundation that everyone woman is beautiful and should feel included. In 2017, Fenty Beauty launched 40 shades of foundation, and that has since grown to 50. Chaédria LaBouvier wrote in Allure that Fenty Beauty’s sheer number of foundation colors is “a statement that women of color deserve complex options”. 

Rihanna shared that, “It’s important to me that every woman feel included in this brand.” Once this campaign launched, it had a ripple effect called “The Fenty Effect”, a movement calling for brands to challenge the status quo in advertising.

[vincentmacmillan]

Good luck and I hope you can play for a few more years in the Eastern Conference.

Good luck and I hope you can play for a few more years in the Eastern Conference.. SUSAN COLLINS, REPUBLICAN, MAINECollins, 64, is one of the leading centrists in the Senate, the Republican who often most willing to break with her party. I was a minority recruiter at the time and while recruiting in Chicago, students refused to visit my booth because they heard about the slave auction and were upset. Seeing that she said nothing I turned away to the table. I’ve even heard she has sometimes been short of food,” he added in a whisper, feeling for the bell-handle. Canterbury Village on Joslyn Road is known for its 90,000 square foot Always Christmas store that opened in 1993, and the Christmas Store will move into two smaller buildings on the property. She was wheeled to an ambulance and it set off with its blue lights flashing."I thought 'she'd be OK, she'd go to hospital and she'd be fine'. Registration includes a 16 game regular season plus playoffs. It was done in light of anticipation of litigation from the Sierra Club, utility spokeswoman Amy Trinidad said, invoking a legal privilege that lets attorneys keep some information sealed. We need the marriage. Am a father and this breaks my heart. But I noticed a great change in Natasha; there was not a trace now of her old frankness with me; in fact, she sandalias doradas gioseppo seemed to have become actually mistrustful of me. Bruin had ghete galbene piele a little daughter who had been a pet and favorite with the girls. It was also strange that she had written yesterday but had only asked me to come this evening, and had fixed the hour-nine o’clock. pendientes bulgari precio When he saw relief in Arron’s eyes, he knew Emrick was behind him. None of us could see that she was begging. Meanwhile I had to go to Natasha’s. More than 50,000 comments have been added to 10,000 posts. “You were splendid,” Dany told them.. One man tells us what else is there for me to do? They bombed my house. Their limbs wove through one another and creaked with every breath of wind, and their higher branches scratched at the face of the moon.. The border tax adjustment would have the biggest impact on clothing and shoes almost everything Americans wear is manufactured abroad as well consumer electronics, furniture and home appliances. It is this. Once past the chamber door, the chill was palpable. But he had been struck and attracted by Katerina chanel ágynemű Fyodorovna. But remember, this isn't an exact science. "I think it's a place to play for radio people and people who are your peers other people in bands or labels. I fucked Jaime on the morning of my wedding, the queen recalled. Ser Barristan was still wrestling with that suspicion when he heard the sound of heavy boots ascending the steep stone steps at the back of the hall. Also, airlines are talking of taking more capacity out of the system, which could lead to fewer flights on top of the higher prices. In the slave states there are 1,368,325 free white children between the ages of five and twenty; in the free states, 3,536,689 such children. Take your choice from rockin' hot off the grill options including savory balsamic chicken or pulled pork sandwiches, sizzling made to order burgers or top quality, all natural Niman Ranch hot dogs. Give them time, and you will have your answers.”. Beyond masterful, really. “He will. I'm with Larry the Wizards Cable Guy on this one. Still not ready to do that trick in competition, because it not 100% yet, Parrots says. A swirl of sparks rose to meet the snowflakes coming down. And it not unusual for highly intelligent people to have emotional problems. He was not at all sure how he felt about what he had just read. They all knew one another and маратонки puma mercedes amg all had a respect for one another. Though they may differ in size and shape, all air compressors are built to do the same things. A good suitcase can last years, if not decades. Do me the same favor.” The only part of you that interests me is the part between your legs, he almost said. Next we have Alicia Perkins, detected on Sproul in a striking, if somewhat outlandish ensemble. And she gave me a letter from Alyosha. What am I now?. OJ Simpson set to learn adidas stan smith j white tactile blue his fate at July 20 parole. puma red bull racing evo cat ii I hope we may not break oakley m frame ice iridium off all relations. Average cost of this pair of shoes is around $75.. “I suspect what you’re thinking! We certainly have talked about that million, and spent a long time discussing how to use it. A carbon version is also in the works.. I can deliver allies to her. Those leeches that he loves so well sucked all the passions out of him years ago. He was quick, that serjeant. There were pacing problems. The meaning was made more explicit by the words 'we want to see Jesus'. Photo: Clive Rose/Getty Images. The gladiator sandal is also a great alternative to normal flip flops or sandals and can be dressed up or down.. We followed Andrea's advice, staged our home with a wonderful stager, she immediately had us on all the prospective realtor websites and the photos duci alkalmi ruha of our home showed off the beauty that we so enjoyed. In 1888, a trust or holding company combined the nation's seven largest mills into the American Cereal Company using the Quaker Oats brand name. Under heavy CPU load (multithreaded Sunspider) we see a 28% increase in power consumption from the 45nm iPad 2,1 compared to the newer 2,4. The Thenns, giants, and the Hornfoot men, the cave-dwellers with their filed teeth, and the men of the western shore with their chariots of bone … all of them were doomed as well. "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A HALF MILLION DOLLAR RV? IT'S NOT THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES."He finishes the tour at a field envisioned for one of the most contentious aspects of the project: RV parking. But, suppose, then, he would tell me that he had understood that the tendency of the gospel was to abolish slavery, and inquire of me if that was the fact. He was the second of three sons, so the other wolves called him Middle Liddle, though not often in his hearing. That was not supposed to happen. Otherwise, you're better off replacing them. A face took shape within the hearth. Bailey simply missed a legbreak from Seekkuge Prasanna and was bowled for 70, then in the next over James Faulkner holed out to deep square leg off Aponso. If he’d had a tail, he would have tucked it down between his legs.. Her blade flashed out, smooth and quick, one deep slash through the velvet and he never felt a thing. Nonetheless, you can see things are not too pretty. He was in the hospital for 10 months.. “There are troubles in the east. "She always wanted to do her very best," Avila said. Even the highest in the land will read it. And even then, it a mathematical dance around reality. “If they were so unseaworthy, they could not have crossed the sea from Qarth,” Ser air max 90 ultra se Barristan pointed out, “but Your Grace was wise to insist upon inspection. N. It’s all my fault and I’ll make it all right.

[dreamsofthescreen]

How Godard Broke Our Hearts in Le Mepris - Analysis & Review

The 1963 classic French-Italian drama serves as a masterclass in impactful filmmaking

Brigitte Bardot & Michel Piccoli in ‘Le Mepris’

Expert director Jean Luc Godard’s films are considered pieces of art for convincing reasons, and 1963 classic ‘Le Mepris’ (Contempt) is a masterful example of this. It’s stylistic choices reflect the sombre, but beautiful & hard hitting story of a marriage turned bitter. It is the cinematography, writing & somewhat clean-cut, French directing style that livens the plot. With reference to cinema & the connection with life that it shares, the emotional bluntness of the New Wave story makes it all the more impacting. 1960s stars’ Brigitte Bardot, Michael Piccoli & Jack Palace all add to the heart of the Eurocentric film, their sourness becoming a point of interest in the plot. Colour, light and contrast all are significant points in this perfectly painted film.

Rising to prominence in the New Wave period, French-Swiss director Jean-Luc Godard is known for his colourful, sharp & artistic European projects, expertly executing any romance or drama in a beautiful way. ‘Le Mepris’ is an adaptation of Alberto Moravia’s 1954 novel, II disprezzo (A Ghost at Noon). The story goes as American producer Prokosch (Jack Palance) casts Paul (Michael Piccoli) to write a screenplay for Homer’s ‘The Odyssey’. This intake of work on film & challenging of his artistic values from Prokosch turns his marriage with Camille (Brigitte Bardot) on it’s head. Sticking to well-known themes in a drama such as tragedy, romance, infidelity and change, ‘Le Mepris’ breaks our hearts by touching on the beauty of a classic.

Godard’s distinctive style is prevalent in the significance of the story, as the way in which the film is both written & directed is in touch with each emotion & colour throughout. The rocky marriage between Camille & Paul on the backdrop of a film set actually reflects Godard’s personal demons - his struggling marriage and dissonant relationship with Hollywood at the time. Bold blues, reds, whites and yellows colour the film, which is something rather ironic, as emotion can be seen as something badly represented with such uplifting tones remaining in a heartbreaking scenario. Yet, this is all apart of Godard’s wonderful filmmaking. As a directer and writer, he brings realism to the table, where most romance pictures don’t. As the anguish of love decaying is on the forefront, Godard’s style still remains throughout, showing that although emotions change, the world around us really doesn’t. However, Godard also utilises these colours as a means of drama, the sultry opening scene with a naked Bardot & Piccoli soaked in an erotic red. Colour and costume is a hugely recognisable feature of the New Wave Era, as the 1960s began to explore aesthetics more freely. With Tanine Autré as the leading costume designer, the clean-cut & artistic costumes all sit well with each beautifully painted scene. Stripes and colour-blocking in the summer style are all reflective of the New Wave Movement. Even the 1960s interiors that Godard chooses reflect his storytelling style. Modern buildings, references to art and the human figure is relevant, as for a film about love, the male gaze is utterly, yet tastefully focused on French bombshell Brigitte Bardot. The visual spectacles are phenomenal, but still have meaning. As Godard focuses on realism, classism and a very Eurocentric story in ‘Le Mepris’, this can be seen as him even mocking Hollywood’s growing commercial and idealised storytelling at the time.  

By connecting cinema with life, striking reference is made to many emotions & creates space for a beautifully relevant drama. For a movie about movies, when art and love mix, disaster strikes. Scorsese quoted Contempt, saying ‘it’s one of the greatest films ever made about the actual process of filmmaking’ & named it as “brilliant, romantic and genuinely tragic”. Godard filmed a variety of scenes with tracking shots, in a natural light & near-real time. He too focuses on the beauty of Capri & the settings of the characters, rather than the characters themselves. The cinematography celebrates film itself, relevant to a storyline focusing on movie-making. With a painfully moving, stringed soundtrack and sweepingly romantic landscape wide shots, audiences can feel as though they are watching the film being made by Prokosch & Paul. Even the dialogue is reminiscent of the film, cleverly making connections between the project being made and the drama in Paul’s marriage. As Paul & Camille discuss ‘The Odyssey’, Paul states, “I agree with Prokosch’s theory. That Ulysses loves his wife, but she doesn’t love him”. Camille has no reaction to this comment, but we as audiences know that Godard is linking ‘The Odyssey’ with Paul & Camille’s fading love. Furthermore, Paul states that he is to “walk back with Mr. Lang (the director) to discuss the Odyssey.” This is followed by a comment by a crew member on set who comments, “I should have done a scene at the beginning, in which the Gods discuss the man’s fate, in general & the fate of Ulysses in particular”. It isn’t hard to see the comparison made between Paul and Ulysses’ romantic situations, one a Greek king & the other a script writer, yet still both are relevant & though contrast vastly, are mighty men. Both wonder about their fate. This is the great connection between the two storylines - the beauty and pain of cinema & how it all too often relates back to our own demons, so gracefully presented in ‘Le Mepris’.

Brigitte Bardot in ‘Le Mepris’

Godard’s clean-cut directing & blunt writing style, along with the impressive acting are all successful in presenting a widely emotional drama. Set in the outstandingly beautiful Capri, melancholy and mourning is mixed with the sunlight and dreamy landscape of the island. As Godard worked with cinematographer Raoul Coutard, he contrasts light and dark, showing the unexpected nature of life - where love can grow in a beautiful area, it can also be killed. We associate colour and light with positivity, yet the fact is that however life changes, the world around us does still remain the same. This is reflected in the writing of the film, as Godard’s straightforward dialogue hits hard. Rather than creating a falsely dramatic ‘movie magic’ script, there is no drama in the very real & blunt adult conversation that characters’ Camille & Paul have in establishing their feelings for one another. As Paul questions as to why Camille has been acting so distant, she simply replies with, ‘it’s true. I don’t love you anymore’. Paul asks, ‘you still loved me yesterday?’ & Camille replies with ‘yes, very much. Now it’s over’. With statements along the way from Camille like ‘that’s life’, there is melancholy reality, which is beautifully French in comparison to the excessive, long-winded scenes we see in todays writings. Yet the film seeps in elegance through it’s script, as when any words are spoken, each is valuable. As Camille reflects on the breakdown of her marriage, she metaphorically states, ‘We used to live in a cloud of unawareness, in delicious complicity. Things happened with sudden wild, enchanted recklessness’. Character Prokosch brings statements like ‘I don't believe in modesty. I believe in pride! I believe in the pride of making good films’. Furthermore to this, it, again, is the realism that breaks our hearts through the masterful filmmaking. The acting in ‘Le Mepris’ is very real, as Godard had the actors improvise lines in the moment. When asked about this, he stated, ‘I need them, just as I need the pulse and colours of real settings for atmosphere and creation’. Godard’s focus on realism is great as it is something so sincere and authentic. He also rather fitted the character of Camille to Bardot herself, rather than having Bardot act as Camille. This too made for an authentic script, as Bardot’s supposed acting ability shone through, bluntly delivering bold lines & somewhat rising above the typical sensual blonde that she was used to playing, as she had a voice. Godard’s writing brings in slices of poetry to inspire us & add to the artistic nature of the cinematic experience.

The Guardian’s description of it as ‘poetically sour’ encompasses the beauty of 1963 classic ‘Le Mepris’, as iconic director Jean-Luc Godard creates a heartbreakingly real tale of love lost. Through the recognisable New Wave style of the early 1960s that Godard helped define, the significance of ‘Le Mepris’ is made through it’s visuals and aesthetics, that we as an audience can recognise and appreciate. The beautifully artistic and European summer drama shines through with it’s ability to challenge everyday filmmaking. Godard hits the nail on the head with every emotion throughout, presented through not only dialogue, but the ravishing soundtrack, cinematography, set design and overall disposition. ‘Le Mepris’ remains a wonder that inspires and transports us to a world that, through it’s passion, seems all to familiar for some.

Stars Out of Five: 5/5

[smuttymess]

bts astro soulmate reading | for taylor

sign: pisces sun | gemini moon | aries rising

lover: Jeon Jungkook | soulmate: Kim Taehyung

This reading is for Taylor, a Yoongi bias who regularly gets wrecked by Taehyung. You’re my first Pisces, and a a fellow Pisces I was super excited to write this one. Maknae pairings are also pretty rare for me, so this was a particularly fun writing experience. Hope you enjoy, love!

This particular water-air-fire star sign combination is one of pure dreaminess, sensuality, intuition, and imagination. In your chart you possess a true astrological triple threat: your Sun in Pisces makes you one of the most emotionally capable beings in the Zodiac, your Gemini Moon gives you intelligence and dexterity, while your Aries rising provides a fire and drive that is almost unrivaled. As a result, With your star placements, emotions run everything within your social, work, familial and love spheres. You feel deeply, Pisces, and your passion has no bounds when paired with your determined Aries Sun, which often overrides your generally logical Gemini Moon and makes you a fiery force to be reckoned with. Your Sun and Moon makes you hard-wired for spontaneity and impulsiveness, drawing energy from platonic and romantic love above all else. Given the intensity of all three signs, you are a lover who gives their all to whoever you are with, if only for the moment - Pisces/Gemini is notoriously flighty pairing and Aries is exceptionally hard to pin down to any form of commitment whatsoever. While this combination can make you appear restless and flighty to others, deep down you are a diehard romantic, craving true partnership and emotional connection with a very special someone(s). You will not, however, settle down until you feel you have met your perfect other half - someone who respects and appreciates you and the breadth of your mystic, unconventional nature. Until then, you're happy to explore all that the world has to offer.

Your Gemini/Aries combination means you are always on the go, both physically and mentally. Generally, you go where your spirit moves you, constantly seeking out your next challenge or adventure. When something - or someone - piques your interest, you are often not too slow to act and make it known. So when a man, clad head to toe in black leather, stops his motorcycle on the street in front of you, you're interested in seeing what lies under his helmet. Words are almost lost on your when you realize how attractive he is, boyish charm beneath a strong jaw and athletic build, as he asks you for directions to a nearby restaurant. His wide, doe-eyed stare and charming, innocent smile is enough to make your Pisces heart melt, and your Aries go-getter doesn't want the interaction to stop there. Your unmatched communication skills work to get the shy man to open up, perhaps feigning an interest in motorcycles just for the hell of it. Whatever plans you had for the night (likely dinner with a friend or another commitment) are immediately on hold when mystery man introduces himself as Jeon Jungkook and you suggest teach you more about his bike when he has time. Surely, your friend will understand your tardiness, or at least you hope so - this is not the first time you've been late because of a handsome stranger and with your romantic Piscean nature it certainly won't be the last.

Over the next few weeks, once you finally pull the Virgo away from his work, you and Jungkook are able to enjoy the pleasures of a budding relationship. The Virgo/Pisces relationship is one of a slow build towards romance, the Virgo moving with full intention in everything he does without hesitating to let you know he is slow, pragmatic and deliberate when it comes to love. This works out quite well for your Aries rising, which enjoys a bit of a chase - who doesn't like a challenge? Your Gemini/Aries works in overdrive to crack the code of this enigmatic man, rather quickly your intuitive Pisces Sun seeing past his more reserved exterior. Its not uncommon for the Pisces lady to fall for her Virgo man far before he does, falling for the gentle, sensitive Venus in Libra and Jupiter in Aquarius that lies beneath the surface - a side that he keeps close to his heart. The times that you feel most connected to him are during sex, one of the few places where he fully lets go and lets himself be truly vulnerable, though he still strives for perfectionism. When Pisces and Virgo finally get together, Pisces brings the highly sensual, emotional passion wherein Virgo brings stamina, vigor, and determination. While Virgo is not known to be animalistic, Jungkook's Mars in Scorpio makes him impulsive while his Venus in Libra gives him a softness, meaning you get both a sensitive and dynamic lover. You and Jungkook are able to enjoy countless nights together in bed, the incredible strength of his body against yours as your legs rest on his shoulders while he trusts into you, his stare filled with an undeniable fire as you lock eyes and your foreheads touch. In that moment, wherein his moans become more desperate and sweet words pour from his lips that you feel you belong to each other.

When you're not having sex, the ideologies of you and Jungkook are often at odds, the differences starting off mild but becoming more pronounced as you get to each other on a deeper level. Pisces mantra is "what will be will be" while Virgo more often than not lives by "I decide what will be," and while you adore Jungkook's strength you begin to believe that he is too rigid for his own good. Though your fantastical nature and sense of unpredictability is what draws you to him, his Leo Moon and Uranus in Aries does not bode well with too much indecision, making him appear more headstrong and impatient as your relationship moves further. Over time, you begin to sense his increased frustration, occasional coldness, and Virgo moods - especially when he is under heavy stress, which happens often. Your Pisces Sun innately wants to to pull him out of his rigid ways or away from his video game, while your Gemini/Aquarius wants to flee and avoid any conflict or drama. You feel misunderstood by JK, whose Sun and Mercury in Virgo deeply values logic and rationality while you prefer to act on your emotions, resulting in frequent miscommunication that drives you into increased separation. Ultimately, your overly-contrasting approaches to life, work and love prove to be incompatible, forcing you to part ways. This is not an easy breakup, however, as you know that beneath his Virgo ego and celebrity is an emotional soul who could have been everything you wanted if he were it not for his Venus in Scorpio, marked by self-consciousness and a fear of love. A pairing of this kind is likely to stay in contact, if only to check in on each other occasionally to make sure they are healthy and well, never forgetting the emotional impact they had on one another.

After a brief retreat in your inner Pisces world, your Aries/Gemini inspires you to start a new chapter, healing through connections with new people and business prospects, your vast network opening you up to various creative initiatives. It is in one of these spaces where you're introduced to Kim Taehyung. This is a pairing that may begin first as collaborators on an intensive project - perhaps his next solo track - which requires spending a great deal of time with each other to ensure each element is perfect. A Piscean loves nothing more than a good mystery, and from the moment you meet Taehyung and see his deep, brown eyes under his curls you are highly intrigued. His earthy Capricorn Sun makes him warm but stoic in his disposition, possessing a subdued persona and a cool, quiet confidence that you can't quite figure out. You are taken aback by his intelligence, fostered by his Uranus in Capricorn, which he illustrates with calmed reason and without any ego or cockiness. In getting to know each other professionally, you bond over your shared charisma towards the unique and unconventional - his Venus in Aquarius pairing nicely with your eccentric placements. Your Pisces/Gemini combination makes you one of the most imaginative and creative people on the planet - your mind constantly racing towards your big idea. Taehyung's Neptune in Capricorn and Venus in Aquarius makes him equally creative and whimsical, becoming a true supporter of your out-of-the-box ideas. Taehyung, while perhaps not saying much, enjoys sees your mind at work and more importantly knows exactly how to harness that fire and make it bloom into tangible results. Your intuitive nature is able to target Tae's desires and come up with a myriad of possibilities for his song, making his eyes sparkle with excitement as he grows more interested in your opposing yet complimentary personas. It is unlikely that you ever could resist falling for Tae at the start, your Aries/Gemini patience wanting to jump his bones almost immediately while your Pisces struggles to let things flow and develop naturally. Unfortunately, in true ram fashion, Taehyung takes his time in pursuing anything outside of the professional space, waiting until the collaboration is over before asking you to dinner - as if you hadn't been waiting for months.

Where you are the dreamer, Capricorn Taehyung is the doer. Together, your playful souls can work together to make your many visions a reality. You inevitably fall in love with each other's minds, valuing open-mindedness and creativity on a higher level. This extends into your sex lives, A powerful trait of your Pisces nature if to bring the often stubborn Capricorn out of his shell and into your fantasy world. Any logic, reasoning, or methodology the ram may want to apply to sex goes completely out the window when in the presence of the sexually experimental, curious fish. It is your Aries/Gemini that makes the first move, your body aching for him by the time you get him into his bedroom. Tae's Moon in Aries makes him quite intense, eyes igniting with lust as you sit him down on a chair in his bed, your hands moving down the length of your neck and down your belly, stopping short of your inner thigh. You possess an innate ability to light his skin on fire with a simple touch, sauntering over to kiss him gently before you move down to his neck and his ear. Few things give you more pleasure than watching him lick his lips, his eagerness to grab your hips as you stand above him almost overwhelming. He adores the way you can completely dictate the mood, a smirk forming on his lips as he realizes he is at your mercy while he is allowed to look but not touch until you say so. Once you get him going, he is more than happy to turn the tables on you, tossing you onto your back as your robe falls own, a low growl escaping his mouth he moves in between your thighs. You practically melt when his more impulsive and powerful Uranus in Capricorn emerges, his voice deepening as he teases you mercilessly until you beg him to fill you up. Sex is always an opportunity for you to connect on a level deeper than the physical, and while this is something that the Pisces woman would typically initiate, the Capricorn lover always along for the ride. You're insatiable, love. What am I going to do with you, hmm?

Ultimately, the world you and Taehyung build together is one of whimsy and stability, water and earth coming together to create your own little world of wonder and possibility. Whenever Tae gets in his perfectionist, stubborn work modes your fiery Aries is able to to give him the space you both require, independence being a key factor in what makes this specific pairing work. He is a workaholic, and you are a go-getter, so while you may grow restless at times wanting to spend time with him, there is a mutual understanding and appreciation of this shared drive. Such respect for autonomy allows you to merge after you've checked off the many items on your to-do list and enjoy quality alone time: private, silly dance parties in your secluded home or over a glass of wine overlooking your expansive grounds overlooking acres of farmland. You two are the couple that people are curious about in your enigmatic nature, constantly wondering what you are thinking or what venture you will move on to next. At the end of the day, you do not need the world to understand everything about this love - they likely never could!