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tylerwritez · 3 years

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TUESDAY JULY 13 10:42 A.M.

JUDE IS BACK FROM HIS HIATUS!!!!

One thing I think I will no longer be doing is writing down negative feelings and thoughts and... leaving them there. No. Next time I vent, I delete it right after.

If you want something to be sad over, you'll find something. But if you GENUINELY ATTEMPT to be happy, you will be.

So try harder.

Also, my new phone background is a collage thing of me and my friends at Rebecca's house.

I originally did it as this cool way to remember my besties XD but now it also kinda helps my #SelfEsteem because whenever I think my face is ugly, I look at my phone background and I'm like "that's what you look like, no filter, nothing" and it makes me happier because in that background image I just see a boy being stupid with his friends and I sorta smile like "yeah, that IS what I look like, no filter"

I like it cos, those pictures were taken without me doing anyhting to try and look better, so I KNOW that's like. How I REALLY look. And tbh? Not that bad.

I don't even really mind my smile lines anymore. Cos they're from SMILING!!! means I'm a happy guy.

ALSO I THINK I PASS IN MY BACKGROUND? because I'm that kinda of ugly that says "male" yk, especially next to my friends who are girls/nonbinary I just seem so Boy idk its gender... the photo set is very Gender for my face XDDD THIS IS REALLY STUPID

oh well. Positivity only now, babes.

Also! You may have noticed my HIATUs from posting!!! Yeah, I'll still post, and I'll update y'all on my life... but NOT DAILY... I don't really have the time for that.

I'll do it maybe whenever I feel like, but I'll try and stick to weekly, biweekly, idk, whenever I feel like I should talk about my life, whenever things happen.

Right now I'm actually on a roadtrip!!!

We just spent a day on all the amusement park rides at the Calgary Stampede!! It was AWESOME.

Also we have spent time in #nature and I'm COLLECTING! ROCKS! >:) THEY ARE WAY COOLER OUTSIDE MY HOMETOWN JUST SAYING...

Maybe I'll find a hagstone.

So far no, I've only found cool stripey ones but no hagstones.

Maybe I'm not meant to find a hagstone. Maybe whatever gives me my good luck is protection enough.

ACTUALLY, ON THAT NOTE, I HAVEN'T STOLEN ANYTHING FOR THIS WHOLE TRIP... SO LIKE 1 OR 2 WEEKS. WHICH IS CRAZY!!! PROUD OF MYSELF :)

ALSO I HAVEN'T CUT MYSELF FOR LIKE A MONTH MAYBE(?) WHICH IS SO WOW.

see? I can totally do this! You'll see.

Lately I haven't been stressing AT ALL. like. So much happiness and fun, out on my roadtripppp!

I have had a few stressors.... but like. I've done my best to push them aside, because I know it'll be better not to think about them.

Like, I'm starting to think all my unhappiness cOMES FROM THINKING ABOUT MY STRESSORS TOO MUCH... OVERTHINKING.

However, if I tell myself "don't worry, you'll find a way, you always do" and then try n forget, I'm so much happier.

Here are my current #stressors... since everyone loves some drama (I'm listing em)

1. I MIGHT LOSE MY VIRGINITY UHHHH AND IM NERVOUS AND IDK IF I SHOULD OR WHAT ITLL FEEL LIKE OR IF I SHOULD WAIT.... AAAAAAAA IDK ITS KINDA SCARY COS WHAT IF IT HURTS A LOT... WHAT IF IT FUCKS ME UP. IDK. I KNOW NOTHING.

2. MY STEALING + CUTTING ISSUES... LIKE. I'M ADDICTED???? AND OFC IM HAPPY I MANAGE TO GET BY WITHOUT IT BUT SOMETIMES ITS VERY HARD. TO RESIST. YOUR URGES.

man if that god guy is real I bet hes happy with me (or I guess god can be a girl, or nonbinary, or maybe is not male but still uses he/him, or maybe DOESNT use he him pronouns and we are fuckig it up???? Idk I will just say "he")

(I doubt god has a gender tho lol. He made man and woman in his image yeah? So then.... uh.... he would be intersex(?)

Personally I think god has No genitals at all and No gender either. But then again, I dont even believe in a god...)

ALL IM SAYING IS. IF GOD WAS REAL. THEY WOULD PROBABLY BE PLEASED THAT I AM. RESISTING SIN? SO WELL.

... cos cutting yourself IS a sin....

That used to upset me so much dude. I read this bible passage... and it would be CONSTANTLY referenced. Your body is a temple. Its sinful to harm your body. Its sinful to use drugs, is what they said at school, but like. What about other types of intentional harm? Sin. Sinful.

I used to be so invested in that Catholicism shit, man. And afterward, after I. Did the cutting. I'd be covered in half dried sticky blood. I'd smell the metallic smell so strongly.... because I bled out A LOT... its incredible to me honeslty, how such minor styros and occasional light fat cuts can gush out so MUCH blood. It's a lot. It's more than you'd expect from a little cut. The cuts pool up with blood and then overflow.

It trickles down your legs.

But I'd be patching myself up afterward (basically tryna clean the blood, stop the bleeding, make sure I didnt bleed out onto my sheets and dirty them in my sleep... make sure I didnt leave evidence) and I'd think to myself "this is a sin, I am a sinner..."

Ofc my stupid ass was constantly begging for forgiveness, praying, reading the bible, blah blah, please I just wanna serve you, please help me, please...

What a pathetic state to be in most of my junior high years HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD XDDDDD LMAOOOO LMFAOOOOOO ROFLLLLL

like. I had a corner of the school I used SPECIFICALLY to cry.

How sad...

BUT NOW IM IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!! AND I AM PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE

0 CRYING SPOTS

MANY MAKING OUT SPOTS

like woah its almost like. I dont have to suffer at all.

I'm winning now.

W. What was I talking about before I started rambling. Idk. I forget. Oh well.

POSITIVITY ONLY BABES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ILL KEEP YALL UPDATED I SWEAR

SIGNING OFF,

JUDE SHEPARD

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gunnerpalace · 4 years

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(These asks were reordered from bottom-to-top to top-to-bottom for clarity.)

Alright, so the first thing I want to say in response to this is actually best summarized in the form of a song:

youtube

You are somebody that I don't know But you're takin' shots at me like it's Patrón And I'm just like, damn, it's 7 AM Say it in the street, that's a knock-out But you say it in a Tweet, that's a cop-out And I'm just like, "Hey, are you okay?"

And I ain't tryna mess with your self-expression But I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsessin' 'bout somebody else is no fun And snakes and stones never broke my bones

So oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh You need to calm down, you're being too loud And I'm just like oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh (oh) You need to just stop Like can you just not step on my gown? You need to calm down

I would like you to seriously reread what you’ve written here (and copy-and-pasted to others) and tell me that it doesn’t come across as more than a little obsessive and psychotic. "This may seem like hate, but it's not," you said anonymously, before going on a rant to strangers on the internet whom you had nominated as the representatives of "you guys." Sure, okay, Heather.

Well, regardless, let’s go through this. First, you don't understand 685/686. I've been over this before several times, but I will go over this one final time, as simply as I can. That said, I can't guarantee that you will understand it when I do. I was unable to successfully tutor 1st graders how to do addition because my perspective was, "Either you understand it or you don't," and I don't have the background in math to make such a simple concept exciting. The same might be true of this, because there is no way to critically analyze these chapters more succinctly than this, and so you still might not get it.

The point of 685/686, thematically, is that absolutely no one got what they wanted.

Renji wanted to surpass Byakuya. He remains Byakuya's Lieutenant and has to settle for being under his sister (figuratively and probably literally too) who now also outranks him as a Captain.

Rukia wanted to reform Soul Society into a more humane institution that protects all souls. It is the same as it ever was, and if anything has doubled down on its practices by rebuilding the Soukyoku (on which it tried to kill her) a hundred times larger, and she is one of its main wardens.

Uryuu wanted anything but to be a doctor, ever since he watched his mom being autopsied by his dad. He is now a doctor, and all alone at that.

Chad promised his grandfather to never hurt people with his fists. He is now a boxer, doing exactly that for money.

Orihime wanted to go out and have several different exciting careers. She is instead a stay-at-home mom.

Ichigo wanted to save a "mountain full" of people, be Superman, leave Karakura, and be a Shinigami. He instead appears to run Isshin's clinic now.

So, yes, you are correct: Kubo chose that Ichigo wind up with Orihime. It is exceedingly clear, from the context, that this is absolutely not a good thing.

That point is further reemphasized by Yhwach’s threat to come kill Ichigo and everyone else when they are at their happiest. And when does he reappear?

When Ichigo saw Rukia again.

Not when Ichigo asked Orihime out. Not when they started dating, officially or unofficially. Not when they were married. Not when she gave birth to his son. Not when his son said his first words.

Not when anything happened with Orihime or Kazui, but when he saw Rukia again.

That is your “Kubo-sensei” telling you directly that the happiest moment in Ichigo’s life was just simply seeing Rukia again, and not anything involving Orihime in any capacity whatsoever.

All of that should tell you that Ichigo and Orihime’s relationship is not exactly the stuff legends are made out of, because them winding up together is explicitly portrayed as a downer ending. A bad ending.

If you cared at all about the characters—if you cared at all about their desires, or their happiness—or if you cared at all that IchiHime was presented as even merely good, let alone destined or fated or whatever else, then you would be offended by this ending too.

Because the ending is “Kubo-sensei” straight-up unequivocally telling you that IchiHime is bad and tragic. It is something that one must demonstrate “courage” in the face of. It requires stoicism. It is a bad ending, but that’s life. That’s what the ending means.

He did you dirty too. You just don’t want to see it, because you are so obsessed with the concept of “winning.” Well, this was mutually-assured destruction: everyone lost. Especially you.

Moving on: no, Kubo doesn’t really get attention or money from us. I’m not really sure where this idea comes from.

I’m not an expert on Japanese intellectual property rights and licensing, but I know enough about them in general to know that very little if any money goes to Kubo personally from ongoing Bleach merchandise sales. For example, KLab more than likely has a contract with Shueisha (representing Kubo, hence why they’re put together on BBS’s title card), TV Tokyo, Dentsu, and Pierrot, wherein they pay those entities a fixed amount to license Bleach per year or per contractual term. It’s not like Kubo is making money off of every orb purchase or every figurine sold or something. These things don’t work like that.

As for attention, he’s still hiding from social media (for reasons of his own, unrelated to the fandom), and the people who give him attention are... you. People like you. “True Bleach fans” who can’t stop treating all his shit like it’s solid gold. We have made it fairly clear we don’t need him or care what he thinks.

Regarding BBS, maybe you haven’t noticed, but the majority of the imagery they use is IchiRuki-focused. The last title screen was IchiRuki. The Guild button is IchiRuki. The Events button is IchiRuki. The Chronicle Quest button is IchiRuki. Here, I’ve helpfully highlighted this for you:

While they do occasionally toss IH a bone, the last January event also ended on an IR note despite the ridiculous crowing about it being IH. While I’m at it, even the current supposedly “IH” title screen is anything but.

It doesn’t take Michelangelo or Da Vinci to figure out the composition here is not terribly suggestive. While Rukia is indeed off to one side, the fact Uryuu, Zangetsu, and the title card are between Ichigo and Orihime (and they’re looking in different directions) makes it pretty evident that they’re not being visually associated together. It is at best a “general” title screen. Uryuu is showing more visual interest in Ichigo than Orihime is.

I’ll come back to “the anime” in a minute. Let’s talk about their “tag-team move.” Do you mean the one that ended like this?

This one that didn’t work whatsoever?

This one where Ichigo wasn’t concerned at all that Orihime might be dead or dying as she lay there on the ground?

This one where he absolutely gave into despair?

How romantic. Truly, what an excellent battle-couple they make. Their combat effectiveness and synergy is just astounding. I for one would love to see it animated.

(Let’s not forget that later, Orihime can’t repair Zangetsu without some nonsense shenanigans from Tsukishima either. Just like how her healing abilities are useless against any sufficiently strong residual reiatsu. Ah, but that would require reading the manga closely...)

Finally, on to the idea of the anime returning. Here’s the thing: news about a trailer also doesn’t really mean anything. Sure, it could be TYBW. Or it could be The Honey Dish Rhapsody. Or it could be a thousand other things. I neither know, nor particularly care, what it actually is, on top of my explanations as to why animating TYBW would be a dumb business decision.

Here’s why: even if it is a TYBW anime, it will have to be an adaptation of TYBW. They will still have to follow the plot of TYBW. And TYBW was a pile of shit. It wasn’t just a pile of shit for IR, it was a pile of shit in general, and a pile of shit for IH in particular.

Perhaps you don’t recall that Orihime spends most of the arc off-panel, having been ditched in Hueco Mundo for most of it (chapters 500–586)?

Oh, but just think, you wouldn’t just get to see the Ichigo-Orihime “tag team” attack totally and utterly failing! You’d also get delights like:

Orihime and Chad utterly failing to believe in Ichigo! (Just like in the Xcution arc where it was demonstrated that Byakuya was a truer friend to Ichigo than either of them!)

Orihime being reduced to a pair of tits, each bigger than her own head!

Ichigo totally ignoring Orihime!

And who can forget the delight of Orihime selling out her dignity to dress slutty at Kisuke’s suggestion to try and get Ichigo’s attention, only for it to not work at all?

Yes, truly, TYBW would be a fantastic arc for IH that would surely win over the populace and convince everyone of the chemistry between these two characters!

Except it wouldn’t. Because they have no chemistry. And they didn’t. See, what’s really funny is that not only did TYBW not give you anything, but it was just following up on the Xcution arc not giving you anything.

Because ORIHIME VISION was played for laughs, just like say, Shuhei constantly is.

Because despite Chad and Orihime being about as important to Ichigo, he couldn’t even bother to say bye.

Because he just didn’t have time to deal with her bullshit.

I could go on, but this post is already long enough.

You see, you’re real keen to dismiss "all the scene or poem shit or parallel or the hell else thing," but the truth is, that’s all there is to a manga. It is panels of art and text on a page. The rest is just in your head. And it is from those panels of art and text that animated scenes and spoken dialogue would be created. And the funny thing is... there are no IH moments in these arcs. They simply don’t exist.

So really, what you’re hoping and praying for is not just for TYBW to be adapted. Given your evident thirst, I doubt that the perhaps 5–10 minute epilogue of 685/686 at the end of 4–5 seasons would be enough for you. You’d need the animation team to decide to sprinkle in a whole lot of IH filler along the way too.

That didn’t work out so hot for the Xcution arc. How did that one end again? Oh, that’s right: they made up their own (better) ending for it. Are you really willing to bet your money on a TYBW anime going out of its way for IH, if you even get it? Or would you really be satisfied with those 5–10 minutes? Are you really so sure you’d even still get them?

Ultimately, I don’t care. You’re blocked. But, I will say this: in a way I almost kind of pity you. It seems really sad being a militant anonymous IH, desperately and eternally craving outside validation. You have so very little to cling to. It must be hard.

Good luck with that, Heather.

#Asks

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ohnoyoonoh · 5 years

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2042 | chp. two: shit, don’t fucking lick the evidence. | dbh!jaehyun | reader-insert | 1346 words

[ warnings ] ⚠️enter with caution, readers⚠️ strong language, depictions of murder, gore, drug-use, death, slander and abuse against androids, violence.

[ author's notes ] unedited. please walk into this chapter with caution, descriptions of how the victims were killed. this story is a bit on the darker side as it progresses, pls keep that in mind. anteroposteriorly - front to the back, medical term. again, pls be careful. oh, does anyone wanna be part of a permanent tag list? someone asked if i had one for this series and wanted to know if anyone else was interested.

the car ride was in an abundance of silence. your mind wandered off into an abyss, constantly side-eyeing your android partner. the countless thoughts of negative opinions about the thing seemed to gather into your mind. the male android tried its best to create some sort of relationship with you, whether it be friends or at least acquaintances, judging on the questions it had asked. you grumbled your answers, which it stopped after a couple of questions. you wouldn’t doubt it picked on the annoyance laced in the third question.

“okay, stay here. don’t move,” you commanded. thankfully, it nodded, unlocking the door for you. damn, you wouldn’t guessed that an android like jaehyun would follow such simple rules, but that’s what they do. follow orders like lost puppies. this would be easier than you thought. shutting the door close after stepping out out, you peeked through the window to see it fiddling its fingers on the steering wheel. after making sure he stayed put, you walked up to the officer on the scene. pulling out your badge, the officer nodding, “serious shit in there. about to throw up seeing those bodies, poor kids just tryna live through college. heard they were progressing up in the underground rap business, too. shit’s fire when going through their files.”

the impressed expression shifted into a serious one. hand going up to stop the incoming figure, “aye, no androids here. turn back, you plastic shit.”

you turned around to find jaehyun, seeing him made you roll your eyes. didn’t you tell him to wait in the car, but you had to drag him into the house. you definitely didn’t need hansol dragging your ass for neglecting the android, “it’s with me, mech purposes.”

the officer nodded once more, stepping aside. passing through the warning hologram, you and jaehyun stride into the house. the immediate smell of the metallic blood slapped you into the face. disgusting. “i thought i told you to stay in the car.”

“your command conflicted with my orders, detective,” it said.

“don’t do anything stupid, stay out of my way. don’t need some android messing up my one chance, got it?” the response you had got was a simple nod before parting ways. one male walked up to you, finding it was lieutenant kun qian. you encountered him during your donut runs, feeling that he was some sort of stalker as he seemingly followed you every morning to the precinct. the problem was why would he follow you to the police station, but you found out that he worked in forensics department. only after accusing him during the third week of your donut runs.

“are you following me now, miss park?” a grin appeared on his face, as he stood in front of you.

returning the same expression, you nudged his shoulder, “not a chance, donut.”

he chuckled at the nickname you given him before clearing his throat, “right back on the investigation. christopher bang and seo changbin are as you know deceased. bang was found dead at the threshold of the bedroom, knife deep into his head anteroposteriorly. mr. seo was dead in the hallway with twenty-seven stabs, found mostly in his torso and one final slash through the throat. mr. han suffers a major concussion and a deep stab in his abdomen. luckily, he called 112 before dying, so we got him to the hospital.”

fuck. how the hell were you supposed to piece a theory to start with. you nodded, walking to the living room. jaehyun was occupied, kneeling at the puddle of the blood near the broken knife. watching it, the android dipped its fingers in the puddle, placing the tips of its digits into its mouth. a disgusted look on your face apparent as he looked back up to you. “is there something wrong, detective?”

“shit, what the fuck are you doing?”

“i was analyzing the evidence, i can check samples in real time. it’s a major advantage in investigations like these,” it straightened up, “i should have warned you, my apologies.”

“don’t fucking do that again, well.. shit, just don’t do it around me, thanks,” you pressed your lips into a fine line, awkwardly turning to analyze the bedroom’s evidence. passing the first body, you kneel down. grabbing the gloves out of your pocket and slipping them on, the sight of the dead male wasn’t appealing but when was a dead body ever attractive? pity. though, he seemed attractive in the pictures displayed around the walls. you searched around the male to find any evidence or anything to help your case. the stabs, some were different. the lower abdomen wounds appeared larger than the chest wounds. multiple weapons were used in this homicide. turning the male’s head, you spotted small crystals littering the male’s collar. blue ice. drugs written in your checklist of investigation situations.

this investigation is a whole mess. damn, androids are always involved. lately, the amount of crimes containing androids are unreal. but, at least it kept the police busy. you didn’t need to witness any more police officers slacking off in the precinct, but that wouldn’t cease knowing that laziness runs through everyone. leaning against the wall, you finished your search. trying to piece the evidence together, it was clearly a homicide and the android escaped. what could you do? the android could be long gone by now, but you resisted giving up, only taking a break from the investigation. your head perked up at the sound of your name, meeting a certain android’s eyes. “yes? done? because i’m ready to go back to the precinct.”

“i figured out what happened here, detective,” jaehyun said.

“alright, go ahead. i’m all ears,” you expected an answer as it’s coming from an android. but, you knew it would be short and it’s still trying to process or search for more proof to piece everything.

“follow me,” the android walked to the kitchen, he pressed a button on the table. something unlocked, as you heard the click, jaehyun lifted up the center piece of the table, you leaned over to find blue ice and a couple of bongs. touching the equipment, it was warm at touch. showing that it was recently used, the blue ice bag opened. you looked up to jaehyun who continued with its theory, “seeing the messiness of how it was placed, they must have heard the android come in. thinking that the android would tell, in their intoxicated state, the males started to gang up onto their robot.”

you nodded, wanting to see what it found from its search, “okay, continue.”

“the deviant must have defended himself, grabbing the knife. he must have slashed han jisung here, must be in the leg but the deviant slammed the male’s head against the counter. as the deviant faced mr. han while he was distracted, seo changbin used this chair to smack over the deviant. but it was ineffective. the android turned to mr. seo who must have backed off into the hallway, mr. bang must have ran into the room to hide or grab a weapon. mr. seo was going to throw the bottle, only for the android to catch his wrist,” jaehyun said, as it made its way to the said male. pointing towards the broken glass shards, the android lifted the deceased’s wrist, seeing the hand print melded into his wrist. “then, you can guess how he died. mr. bang still in the bedroom, he must have hid, which allowed the android to go grab another weapon, as the tip of the blade is chipped off. then, the rest is history, you could tell what happened with mr. bang.”

“alright, your theory doesn’t seem too bad. do you know where the android left to? i wouldn’t be surprised if he escaped,” you asked. jaehyun was certainly a know-it-all, but it was obvious that it was just its programming.

“yes, i do. his thirium leads to the attic. thirium is a substa-”

“okay, i’m not stupid. i know what powers you androids, just hurry up, so we can interrogate it.”

#jaehyun scenarios #nct fanfic #cznnet #jaehyun fanfic #@ ohnoyoonoh 2042 #nct scenarios #jaehyun imagine

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captainjetrocketboy · 5 years

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I’m Tryna Understand These Days ~ 3

Also on Ao3.

Chapter 3: Am I One of Those People You Remember?

Seems the universe loves to mess around with Callum.

He wanted to see if he could catch Ben by himself and get an explanation for earlier. He had watched him sprint towards The Prince Albert, and with some deliberation with his inner self, he started to follow suit.

But he didn’t make it very far before bumping into Jay. The fellow seemed a bit stressed, as his brows were furrowed and his hands were jittery. Callum curiously asked what got him so worked up, but Jay hastily apologized and asked if he could cover his shift for a few hours.

Being the nice person that he was, Callum agreed with only some hesitance. He was still concerned about Ben, but if he really was just playing some sort of game with Callum, then maybe it would be best to give the man some space. At least this way, he could have some time to mull over what the fuck happened not moments ago.

Jay graciously thanked him, and said that he would explain later. As he strode away, the worry in the back of Callum’s head reared its ugly face. What if it had something to do with Ben? Judging by how fast Jay had come and gone, it was obviously important, whatever it was.

Callum shook his head, and made his way back to the funeral parlour. Getting worked up about it would do him no good. He knew that Callum and Ben were mates at the least, so surely if it were about him, Jay would have at least mentioned it was about Ben. Jay’s business might not even have to do with him. They may be brothers but their lives aren’t totally linked together.

In the same vein, Ben’s life didn’t revolve around Callum’s, no matter how much he wants it to. He had regrettably chosen to push the other man away, and he shouldn’t be sticking his big ears into whatever is going on.

But as he got dressed back into his suit, his mind would not stop wandering back to Ben. He couldn’t get him out of his thoughts even with Whitney, so he sure as hell wasn’t going to now. Especially with how strange their encounter was this morning.

The day was slow, with not a single soul entering into the building. So with nothing to do, Callum let himself think.

Had he mistaken the identity of the bloke? In the short time that Callum had known Ben, he had memorized every little, minute feature of his face. Not that he’d tell anyone. The way his styled chestnut hair waved about in the wind. Those ocean blue eyes that Callum wanted to get lost in. His ever-present stubble that dotted along his sharp jaw. It was all there and accounted for, so the person was definitely Ben.

So then why hadn’t he recognized Callum? He didn’t even acknowledge his floundered greeting, or his presence at that matter. It wasn’t until Ben just happened to look in his direction did he finally notice him. And the way that he spoke, it was like he was talking to a stranger, and not the man that he confessed his love to.

God, that there was probably the worst part of it all, Callum thought. Ben had stared straight into his eyes, and there was just… nothing. No want. No desire. No love.

Whenever they would argue before, behind the fire that was alight in those piercing eyes, Callum had always seen that compassion. Not even the act of fighting was enough to quell the feelings he had for him.

This time, though? There wasn’t any feeling or passion that Callum saw as Ben looked at him. All of it somehow vanished, and made way for nothing. Absolutely nothing.

That’s what hurt Callum the most. And maybe that’s what Ben wanted. He knew he was unnecessarily harsh to the other man that night, and he’s never regretted something more in his life. He had expected for Ben to hurt him back, to make him suffer the way he most likely had. And he would take it. Whatever nasty words Ben would snap at him, or whatever punches he would throw. Callum would accept it, because in the end it would be worth it. Eventually getting the chance to be with Ben would be worth it. Just Ben himself was worth all that pain.

But he hadn’t expected this. For Ben to completely forget about him. For him to be another passing face in the crowd.

This can’t be some trick. Ben wouldn’t do this to him. Callum knows Ben. He sees him, the real him. And the real Ben would never be this cruel to anyone.

With a surge of determination, Callum shot up from his chair and grabbed the nearest blank paper and pen. He wrote a simple message that the parlour’s employees were on break, and he taped it to the front door as he practically ran out.

Something’s happened with Ben, and Callum’s going to find out what. Even if it means pushing for an answer out of Ben himself.

- - -

The afternoon sun was at its peak in the sky as Callum knocked on the door to the Beale house. He did the best he could with two cups of coffee in his hands. There was still worry gnawing at the back of his head, but hopefully Ben would be back by now. He’s not sure if he could handle any other member of his family, or explain why he was showing up at their doorstep so out of the blue.

But since the world is never so nice to Callum, the person who answers is not who he was expecting. He was greeted by Kathy Beale. Well, it could have been much worse, he thought.

“Hiya. Can I help you?”

“Um, good afternoon, Ms. Beale. I’m Callum Highway.” If his hands weren’t holding the coffees, he would have put his arm out for a handshake.

Kathy gave a small nod. “Well, pleasure to meet ya Callum. What brings you ‘round here?”

Callum’s fingers started to fidget with the cups’ cardboard sleeves. He’s not sure why he was getting nervous, but he didn’t let that stop his resolve. “Is, uh, Ben about? I got him some coffee. Thought we could… chat.”

“Oh, are you a friend of his?” Kathy questioned as she raised an eyebrow.

A friend. The word didn’t sit right with Callum, but what other way could he describe his relationship to Ben? He couldn’t exactly say they were boyfriends, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Yeah, I am.”

“Then I’m sorry to say, but he hasn’t come back yet. Said he was goin’ out to meet some lad.” Kathy stepped back and motioned for Callum to come in. “But you’re welcome to wait inside for him. Don’t know how long he’ll be out for, though. You know how he can get sometimes.”

Callum’s mouth started to form into a smile, and he nodded to the woman as he stepped into the house.

He’s not entirely sure when he was here last. Ben had usually gone to Callum’s whenever Whitney was out. They were less likely to be found out there. But as he looked around the living room, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of comfort.

He set the cups down on the dining table, pulling back a chair and sitting down himself. Kathy had done the same right across from him.

“Think I could have one of these?” Kathy kindly asked. “Ben might not be here awhile, and I don’t want it to go to waste.”

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead,” Callum responded, hoping his anxiety wasn’t channeled through his voice.

Kathy gave him a smile as she took one of the coffees. She had a sip before speaking up again. “So what was it you wanted to chat to Ben about?”

Callum stiffened, his back straightening a bit. “Oh, uh, nothing in particular. Just wanted to catch up, is all. Haven’t seen him in a while, and I wanted to know if he was alright.”

Kathy let out a sigh, and set down the cup. “He’s been okay lately, considering the things he’s been through.”

Callum’s ears perked up at that. “What sort of things?”

“I’m guessing you haven’t heard? Ben got into an accident just a few weeks back. I think it was on the news, too.”

Callum could feel his heart drop right down into his stomach. He had been so busy dealing with the whole wedding fallout that he never got the chance to catch up on the local news. Maybe if he wasn’t, he could have helped Ben sooner.

“Accident? W-What kind of accident?” Callum’s voice started to waver a bit. He cleared his throat as he set his own cup back on the table.

“Car. He had driven off the road, before crossing the bridge, and fell near the River Thames.” Kathy seemed to quiver at remembering the thought. Callum felt guilty for bringing up bad memories, but he had to know more. “Thankfully, his car didn’t go too deep into the water. The first responders were able to get him out, but he had gotten badly hurt.”

Callum started to shake along with the woman in front of him. He hadn’t realized how serious the situation actually was, and he felt horrible for not being there for Ben and giving his support.

“I’m so sorry, Ms. Beale. If I had known, I wouldn’t have made you relive that.” Callum carefully reached a hand out to rest on top of hers.

Kathy sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “No, it’s… it’s okay. I was scared, but I’m just glad my baby got out of it alive.”

“He’s a fighter, that Ben.” Callum gave a tiny grin. It was just another aspect of that man that made Callum love him even more.

“He sure is…” Kathy went back to drinking the coffee. Callum felt it was safe to drink his as well. “But, there is something that keeps bothering me.”

“What’s that? If ya don’t mind me askin’.”

“Well, it’s just that… the investigators said there weren’t anythin’ wrong with the car. It might have been old, sure, but it was working fine.”

Callum’s not sure where she was going with this, but he’s willing to hear her out if its got something to do with Ben’s current state.

“And… they said they couldn’t find any skid marks along the road… They’re sayin’ that Ben didn’t swerve into the river, and that he didn’t try to correct himself...”

Callum didn’t think it was possible for his heart to sink further into the chasm it fell into. What Kathy was suggesting… couldn’t be true. There was no way that Ben would ever do such a thing. Right?

“Y-You’re not sayin’ that he…”

“I honestly don’t know. There wasn’t a whole lot of evidence to prove it, but there weren’t anythin’ to suggest otherwise, either.”

“When... did this accident happen?” Callum wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer. Something in his gut was telling him it wasn’t going to be good for him.

“About two weeks ago. Around the end of August, I think.”

And there was the bombshell that erupted Callum’s entire being. His coffee was long forgotten as his grip tightened on the cup. If this accident happened near the end of August, then that would put it at around the same time as—

“Y’know, come to think of it, Ben’s mentioned ya a couple times. I don’t know if you two were close, but would you have any idea on why he’d even try summat like that?”

Callum couldn’t answer. Any words he had were trapped in his throat. How could he tell Kathy, Ben’s own mother, that he could have been the reason that Ben tried to… tried to end it all? The guilt was eating away at him, and it was unbearable. It was Callum’s fault. It was always his fault. If he hadn’t been so fiendish, if he hadn’t rejected Ben’s love, then maybe he wouldn’t have gone over the edge.

It hadn’t hit Callum until then, that Ben could have died. He would’ve gone from this world, and Callum wouldn’t have even known. He’d be too busy struggling to tell Whitney that he didn’t want to get married to her, all the while completely unaware of Ben’s tormented state. Why didn’t he do something about it sooner?

The loud sound of the front door slamming open shocked Callum before he could spiral further. He looked behind him and saw that Ben had sauntered his way in.

“You alright, love?” Kathy called out after she took a deep breath. Callum was going to need more than a couple deep breaths to calm down.

“I can’t believe this! He stood me up! Made me wait like an hour or two at The Prince Robert.” Ben huffed, crossing his arms.

“Albert.” Kathy corrected.

Ben started to make his way towards the stairs. “Right, sorry. Ugh, I was lookin’ forward to some mindless fun today.”

Out of the corner of Callum’s eye, he saw Kathy roll her eyes. “Ben, you really think that’s a good idea after just comin’ back from hospital? I mean, you haven’t fully recovered your—”

“I’m fine now, mum, alright?” Ben turned to face Kathy, and that must’ve been when he noticed that there was another person in the room. “Hey, you’re that bloke I saw earlier. You lookin’ for some action?”

“Ben! Is that how you treat all your mates?” Kathy berated.

“Mate? Is that what you are?” Ben shifted his eyes from his mother to Callum.

Callum squirmed uncomfortably in the wooden chair. “Um, yeah. We’re… mates.”

Ben chuckled as a confused expression lined his face. “Didn’t think I’d make new friends since comin’ back. Oh well.”

Ben was about to go up to his room, but was stopped by Callum’s words.

“Do you, uh, want to get lunch, or summat? I mean, now that you have the day free?”

Ben’s face scrunched up as he pursed his lips. “Nah, I’m a bit knackered. My head’s killin’ me. But maybe tomorrow? You can tell me all about how terrible a friend I was.”

“Actually… you weren’t. Not to me, at least.”

Ben scoffed. “Yeah, alright.”

As Ben proceeded up the stairs, Callum was left hurt once again, but he was determined to find out the truth now more than ever. He might not remember him now, but hopefully, he’ll change that soon. He knows it’s not going to be easy, but when has that ever gotten in the way between Ben and Callum?

#eastenders #ballum #ben x callum #ben mitchell #callum highway

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kisshoneylips-blog · 5 years

Text

The Story of a Minority

Make a day right, don’t show me the spotlight

Cause I’m not ready to leave on my own

You tear my defences from all round and now I’m left alone

Money, fame, a name something to give yourself

You’re selfish you can’t see what’s happening, people begging for help

I’m no saint I am no god, I’ll do my best and pray for the less - fortunate - i am to be given a chance in this world even though I feel fucked and it ain’t gold

I take it day by day tryna live a way to exist in societies demands, I Romand in custody every so often getting into crime cause the bills won’t soften

A family to feed, a girl to keep happy, the baby keeps crying, no screaming for someone to change its nappy

I don’t know how to live so I shout out the pain, the only time I feel myself is when I’m insane,

Money doesn’t make itself it’s taken by the elite, jobs mean nothing when it’s obsolete

The PM Theresa where’s the evidence, the government is giving us nothing not even a single pence

Our freedom is limited, our lives are decided, it ain’t no wonder most of us end up dead or derived of something we never had, we end up rotten or bad... fruit it’s healthy but it’s taken as a negative connotation everything has its relation

I can’t speak for everyone maybe not even for myself I’m just a loner trying to make it right, cause I’ll never be a home owner I’ll end up on the streets begging for a real life not being able to afford to eat

And that’s the bitter end, it’s bitter sweet, the winter is coming there’s no one left to send to see if I’m okay, I’m never okay I can’t afford to pay for my existence in this life, I end up having to carry a knife and live this way it won’t change, I’m here to stay

There’s nothing we can do to change ourselves to overcome what’s happened amend itself

We shout to the people we think will listen, they gave us a voice but they want to us to keep it hidden

There’s nothing right about the way we are treated, left on streets for dead; bruised and beaten. I can’t describe the emotions inside, they’re in my head I have to abide by the laws that we are restrained - locked in a virtual prison with no bars but no where to run or hide

Sitting here scrapping a single gram of a sugar pill, whilst the kids from school hit 1 million on their Instagram but I’m standing still.

It’s such a shame our lives are so different I was once you, maybe not so intelligent but I paid my dues, maybe not all of them. I guess I have nothing left to lose

You can’t see my progress because it’s nothing compared to your life - it’s a given. we work to be broken, mental illness to be welcomed - what’s left now is scars to be opened, memories repeated on imaginary screens, voices screaming - bad decisions daunting our every move, buying things we think we need; the commodities aren’t real nothing is - everything’s a virtue, myself too

The rich kids they laugh, they play on the Xbox but their mums cry out for them to stay back and watch - “We don’t want you getting Sqaure eyes, it’s bad luck”, my cries were from the blood and sweat of running from broken homes, never finding the right place to call my own, my kingdom had fallen and yours has grown

They say I’m strong but it’s just cowardice. how can they believe in something that has no bliss, - it is numbers on paper that run our world, consumed by many and overturned by loads. It keeps us warm, it gives us a name - some people die for it, is it really a gain?

We rely on false things to keep us alive, after all without dreams we’re all just bees in a hive.

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cryinggameff · 6 years

Text

Sixty Seven

Randi

I was arranging everything for the big pregnancy reveal that morning, including still inviting people because i was bad at planning things. I called Cole last because i had a feeling we'd end up on the phone for a while talking about other shit. I hadn't seen him since his game last week.

“I’m having a brunch at my place tomorrow,” I said, “be there.” I waited for him to laugh or say he’d be there but he paused for a while.I stretched out on the couch that i was sitting on, resting my legs in Cayden's lap.

“I may have something else, I’ll let you know,” he said.

“Something like what? It’s importnat,” I said, trying to stress that I had something to tell him without actually telling the news.

“I’ll get back to you,” He said. My face scrunched up in confusion at what he could possibly have to do that he couldn’t come to my place for like an hour, especially when I was offering him food.

“Fine...”i said.

“Aight, gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ok, bye...”I said just before he hung up. I must have been visibly frowning because Cay looked over at me and said,

“What?”

“Cole just shaded me mad hard on the phone,” I said.

“You probably just over thinking it, what he say?” He asked.

“He said he may have something else, and that he’d ‘get back to me’, even though I said it was obviously important,” I said, putting my phone down and crossing my arms. Cayden made a ‘yikes’ face. “Exactly.”

“Cole can be pissy, he probably just having a bad day or something,” he tried. I shot him a look and he quickly got up. “Well I’m gonna go to work now.”

“I’m gonna go get ready I guess,” I mumbled, “I look horrendous today, my face is all puffy.”

“You look alright to me,” Cayden said, fishing his keys from his pocket.

“Gee thanks,” I said.

“You look beautiful I mean,” he grabbed my arm with a smirk. “Where you going anyways?”

“Out with Jenny, I think China and Jada might come.”

“Alright, have fun, and no fast food, you gotta start eating healthy for real babe,” he gave me a serious look.

“Yeah, yeah. Good bye,” I said, getting up and walking to the stairs. We went our separate ways and i started working on making myself look decent.

Lunch was just Jenny and I which was cool. She was telling me about work and what she had been doing, some trip she was planning. When she was done I asked what I really wanted to know.

“So what about the guy you told me about, the one you’re working for?” I asked. She bit her lip and I leaned in closer.

“I finally agreed and went out with him,” she said I’m a guilty tone.

“And?” I encouraged her to go on and spill the real tea.

“It was good, really good. Weird, but good.”

“See! I knew you would have a good time. So are you guys going out again?” I asked.

“We’ve been talking everyday since. I see him a lot because of work. We’re still getting to know each other, I don’t even know what it is if anything yet. I’m not in a rush at all,” she said.

“Well I think you should bring him to brunch tomorrow,” I said.

“That would be weird,” she said.

“Why? You’re not even together yet, I just wanna see him. China is bringing Rambo, Jada night be bringing a friend so it will be chill.”

“I’ll think about it,” she said,giving me look that convinced she wasn’t even concidering it. “What’s this brunch about anyways,” she made a face.

“Come and find out,” I said with a smile.

“God, you’re the worst. You wanna know everyone else’S business, but you’re real hush about your own,” she cut me a look. I laughed and shrugged.

“I’m not that interesting,” I said simply.

“I beg to differ,” she said. “Oh thank god, foods here.” I turned around and saw the waiter coming with our plates. My mouth watered. I was starving, and really craving spicy food.

I called Cayden on my way to the salon. I wanted to drop in for a little bit.

“Hey babe,” he said.

“Hi,” I said, adjusting my pants which were now tight.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“I have the worst heart heart burn,” I complained. I knew it was the spicy food but I left that part out.

“You take some medicine?” He asked.

“No. I don’t even know what I’m aloud to take,” I frowned.

“Call the doctor and ask,” he suggested.

“Ok,” I said.

“Where are you going? I can hear you driving.”

“To the salon. I’m meeting some guy to talk about how much it would cost to build our own place,” I said.

“Y’all still on that second store idea,” he said, in a tone that suggested he was not a fan.

“What you mean still on it Cay, we decided like months ago,” I said, checking my side mirror and changing lanes.

“You really tryna be doing all that while you pregnant?” He asked.

“It’s gonna be a long 9 months, honestly the distraction might be nice.”

“Yeah but the stress ain’t good for the baby. You know how worked up you get,” he said. “Plus your anxiety been bad lately.” All the points he was making were valid but for some reason it set me off and I got defensive.

“I’m anxious because I’m pregnant and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing Cayden. Because I didn’t see this happening, at least not any time soon. So, please, give me a break with that, ok. And if I wanna work and I feel like it’s gonna be good for me then I’m gonna work,” I said frantically, my hands firm on the steering wheel. I could hear him groan even over the phone.

“I better not hear you bitching about how stressed you are then,” he mumbled. I got emotional then and tears started falling from eyes before I could understand what was happening.

“You don’t have to be so mean all the time,” I cried, tears clouding my vision of the road. He could definitely hear that i was crying, there was no covering it up.

“Ok Sorry,” He said, caught off guard by my sudden emotion. I was still crying and was considering pulling over at this point. It was like i knew it wasn't worth crying over but had no control over it. “Don’t cry, please. It was my bad, i shouldn't be swearing at you anyway, pregant or not."

“Okay,” I mumbled, a snotty mess.

“I feel bad," he said, and i could hear in his voice that he really did, and knowing Cayden he would be off the whole day if he thought he hurt me.

“It's ok, i just got overwhelmed.” I took a steadying breath.

“I'm working on being patient,” he said. Wow. I should just stay pregnant forever, i thought to myself. I never would have gotten all that from him before i had a baby in me.

"God, I love you Cay," i said, missing him now.

"I love you baby mama," he replied. "But i gotta go. Imma see you soon though,"

"Okay, see you in a bit." We said goodbye then i hung up. I had arrived at the salon anyways. I grabbed my bag and got out.

The next morning I woke up early because i had to cook and get ready as well. My mom came early to help me cook though, so it wasnt that bad. I had a chance to get changed and put some makeup on once we were done. Cayden was still lounging in the bed while i got ready in the bathroom. I put on a floral dress that ended just above my knees and was quite fitted so it showed off now slightly poking bump. My plan was to wear a cardigan until i announced, then id show the evidence. I put some lipgloss on to finish and then left the bathroom.

"Damn," Cayden said, getting up from the bed, still naked which was pretty distracting. He gripped my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "you deadass glowing," he said. I looked down at myself.

"Really?" i asked. He nodded, pushing aside my cardigan and putting his giant hands on either side of my stomach.

"You look good with my kid inside you."

"I dont know how i feel about that statement," i said, feeling slightly disturbed. He chuckled, sliding his hands around to my lower back.

"Speaking of being inside you," he said, pulling me into his naked body.

"Im tired," i complained, "and i just got dressed. Also you know my mother's downstairs?"

"Shit, i forgot about your moms," he said, caressing my butt. I had a feeling this was still gonna end how Cayden planned because i was weak and generally couldn't resist him. "You just gotta be quiet then, you know how you be screaming" he said with a sexy grin on his lips. I felt him poking me then and i looked down.

"Cay" i said with a laugh. He looked me over, lingering at my chest.

"What you expect me to do?" My mother started calling my name from downstairs then and i fixed my cardigan that he had opened quickly so i could leave.

"I dont know but be quick about it, people will be here soon," i said, heading for the door. I left him to get ready and went to go see what my mom wanted.

Cayden

People were already getting there when i got downstairs, and Randi was running around of course. I dont know why she made this such a big thing and created work for herself, but i also understood that she wanted to get everyone we cared about together. My parents were just coming through the front door so i went to go get their jackets and stuff.

"Hey mama, pops," i said, hugging my mom and shaking my dads hand.

"Hey baby..." she said wearily.

"What?" i asked.

"You got your mama nervous wondering what this brunch all about," Pops said, gruff as usual. I laughed.

"Relax mama," i told her. She cut me a mad side eye and i just took her jacket from her hands and put it in the closet. "Yall head in," i told them. Ty had just pulled up, and Cole was with him. I sighed in relief for myself that he had showed up, i would have never heard the end of it if he hadn't and whatever drama he and Randi had continued. They walked up the driveway and i dapped them both when they came to the door. I remembered then that Ty already knew.

"Where the food at," he said immediately.

"Dining room," i said. He pushed past me and walked away to that area. I stopped Cole before he could follow.

"whats good with you and Randi?" i asked.

"Why do i feel like you gon off me or something for having problems with her?" He looked at me suspiciously. I cackled.

"Nigga that petty drama is not my business. I know she frustrating, im married to her," i shrugged.

"Amen to that," he mumbled. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"I know its nothing that deep because yall still talking, and you here. Both of you just childish." I squeezed his shoulder tighter. "But if you ever did really hurt her feelings,i actually would have to off you. I hope you know that," i said, all smiles gone now. He looked surprisingly accepting of the fact.

"Ty warned me already," he said. "That would be pretty shitty for me."

"It would be for me too, cause you my nigga" i said, looking him in the eyes.

"Nice of you to show up," Randi's voice came from behind me. I patted Cole's back playfully and turned to face her.

"Well thats my cue," i said. I left them to hash things out and went to go find food myself.

I was talking to Randi's dad when i spotted Jenny coming through the door, Randi greeting her like the good host she was. I smiled and made a move to go and say hi but stopped in my tracks when a dude id never seen before came through the door after her. Randi hugged Jenny and then she went to go hug the dude and my hand tightened around the cup i was holding.

"Excuse me sir, someone i know just got here," i said to pops.

"Go ahead son," he said. I put my cup down on the counter and started walking to the door. Randi saw me then and she quickly walked over to meet me before i got there. She grabbed my arm as i made eye contact with Jenny, who looked like a kid that had just gotten in trouble.

"Be nice," Randi said.

"He's in my house," i pointed out.

"Okay, but i invited him," she said. I looked down at her.

"Yeah, and im wondering why," i said, trying to control my temper so i didnt pop off on him and her.

"I was trying to be supportive of Jenny moving on," she said, defending herself. I scoffed.

"You helping her move on from my brother," i shook my head, getting more pissed off as i thought about it and looked at the dude standing in my house. Jenny came up to us then and she turned to Randi.

"I told you this wasn't a good idea," Jenny said, "I think im just gonna go."

"No dont," Randi said.

"You supposed to be on my side Randi," i said, feeling betrayed. At this point my problem wasn't even with Jenny. I felt more like Randi had gone behind my back.

"I am on your side, im always on your side," she said, voice low.

"You really acting like it," i said, looking over at the guy standing by the door. I turned and left to go back into the house where everybody was. I wanted to walk all the way out the house, but i knew i couldn't just up and leave while all these people here for us, and especially because we were supposed to tell them about the baby. I got back to the party and walked up to Ty.

"We bout to pull up on someone?" Ty asked, seeing my face.

"nah," i said.

"You gotta relax my nigga. I got you," he said, pulling a blunt out of his pocket.

"Bet," i nodded to the stairs.

We passed the blunt around for a while in one of the guest bathrooms upstairs with the shower running and window open so we wouldn’t smell up the place. After a while a knock came on the door.

"Its me, your wife, who you love, also carrying your unborn child," she said.

"Wow, she really got you locked down dont she?" Ty said. I rolled my eyes.

"Ty, you better open this door," she said.

"Yo she scares me," he shrugged, going to open the door. "Imma go downstairs."

"Go put on some of Cay's cologne first," Randi said, shaking her head. He smelled himself then nodded. It hit me then that the whole room was swimming in weed.

"You shouldn't be here, the baby," i said.

"Yeah its pretty bad," she was plugging her nose already because she didnt like the smell. I put the blunt out and walked out into the attached bedroom and she followed. I sat on the bed and she came to sit beside me.

"They're gone now," she said. I didnt say anything so she continued. "I didnt think youd be that mad."

"You expect me to be happy about that shit?" i looked at her like 'really'.

"No. I thought you'd just be shocked but eventually warm up to the idea. But clearly i was wrong," she said, and when i mean mugged her she added, "and stupid. Im sorry you felt like i wasn't on your side."

"I also dont like surprises, and people i dont know, you know that."

"I know," she said, caressing my cheek. "But you do know you gonna have to warm up to the idea of her going on with her life at some point right?" I groaned, thinking about if jenny actually ended up staying with this nigga. One way or another i would eventually have to know him, unless i was gonna cut off Jenny, which id never do.

"But you really gotta be out here helping bring them together?" I locked my jaw. She grabbed my chin with her slender fingers.

"Okay ill stay out of it from now on, and tell you what, if you get to know him and you still hate him i wont fuck with him either."

"Good," i mumbled. She kissed my cheek.

"Can we go tell people about the baby now? I really need to get it over with while i still have the nerve," she looked really uninterested in the whole idea which was funny, most girls loved things like this.

"Yeah lets go," i took her hand and we left the room.

Once we got downstairs Randi gathered everyone in the living room and said she wanted to make a toast. So everyone held their glasses expecting her to make one. She looked nervous now that everyone was looking at her, so i wrapped my arm around her waist to calm her down. She looked up at me and i knew i was gonna be the one making this announcement. I turned to everyone else and lifted my glass.

"Id like to make a toast, to the reason we're all here. To my beautiful wife," i looked down at her and she blushed, "who has a way of bringing everyone together, even when its against their will," people laughed and she rolled her eyes. I looked back her, and we locked eyes for a long moment, and it was like looking into her soul. "She's loving, caring...and selfless, all the things that are gonna make her an amazing mother." I finished and everyone was frozen, looking suspicious but not 100% sure. Randi stepped out of my grip and opened her sweater revealing a small, but obvious bump.

"I knew it!" her mom hollered from the kitchen "Thank you Jesus!" Cheers and clapping erupted and people swarmed us, well mostly Randi, to say congratulations and ask how far along she was, all that stuff. It was weird being congratulated for making a human, but i rolled with it.

Our parents finally got a moment with us and they were clearly the happiest out of everyone here.

"I can't wait to tell all the ladies at church," her mom said, hugging Randi tight to her.

"Oh me too, especially that Heather May, always announcing her new inlaws and grandkids every sunday. Oh we're gonna show her," my mom chimed in, also gushing over Randi and brushing her hand through her hair. My dad came and clapped me on the back, actually smiling and looking genuinely happy for the first time in god knows how long.

"Im happy for you son. Being a father will change you, but it will be the greatest thing you do," he said.

"Thanks Pops, im gonna try my best. You 'bout to be grandpa now though," i said, realizing that myself. He chuckled, sounding genuinely amused which was also shocking.

"hm i guess so," he said, looking like he was imagining it now. He looked...excited. I guess it was true what people said, babies had a way of bringing people together.

"Well done Son!" Randi's dad pulled me in to a tight bear hug. He was back to his normal self after the heart attack several months ago. He had done intense physical therapy and i know Randi was still really worried about him for a while but now you could tell he was back to good health.

"She's doing all the hard work," i said.

"Oh its going be a long 9 months for you too. Just wait. Her mother had me driving 3 hours to go and get pizza from a specific pizzaria,and god forbid i forgot the anchovies on the side" he looked to her mom who shrugged.

"Pregnancy cravings are normal. How have you been doing? Why didnt you tell me earlier?" She looked slightly hurt.

"Well you already knew so obviously i wasn't hiding it well. Im just tired, throwing up, but thats it," Rand told her.

"Awe. Can you imagine, my baby is having a baby," she said, tearing up, not for the first time. I could tell Randi was already getting tired of everyone being all in her face, but they were just excited.

"Ill come find you later mom. I need to talk to some other people," she smiled at her mom, who reluctantly let her go. Randi came to slide under my arm.

"Jesus," she mumbled.

"i know," i said, rubbing her arm. "Well theres Cole, that should cheer you up." He was making his way over to come talk to us since our parents had been hogging us.

"I can't even believe it," he said, hugging Randi tightly and picking her up off the ground. She laughed which was nice to hear. "Lil nugget is gonna be a mom, wow," he said.

"You never suspected, right?" she smirked.

"Never, im still in shock," he shook his head. "Wait, is this why you were ghosting me?"

"Ive been ghosting everyone. Im always either laying down or sleeping most of the time, epecially in the beginning. But its getting better now," she said. "That's also why i left your game, it was cold and Cay didn't want me getting sick."

"Well now i feel like an ass," his face dropped.

"That because you are an ass," i shrugged with a grin.

"May be an ass but at least my pull out game is strong," he shrugged.

"Hi, im here," Randi said, waving her hand around.

"So, what am i gonna be, like an uncle?" he asked, bending down to observe her stomach.

"Yeah i guess," she shrugged.

"Cool," he said, smiling. Randi looped her arm in his and they went off to go talk with Jada and China. I took that as sign that they were no longer fighting, which was good for all of us.

Randi

After about an hour of talking to people and having my bump touched and people hugging and kissing me i was really over it and was ready to just crash. I had been on my feet since this morning too so i was exhausted which made me feel sick. People were still mingling and trying to get a hold of me and i had been separated from Cayden a while ago but i went to go find him. He was out back on the deck with Ty and his parents. I went up to him and grabbed his arm. He bent down so i could talk in his ear.

"Can we go? I feel sick," i said. He nodded and wrapped an arm tight around my waist.

"Ill catch up with you guys later," he said to them. They said ok and he led me back inside. We went upstairs and i made a b-line to the bathroom with him behind me. I tried to throw up for a while but nothing came up and it was just dry heaving which was almost worse. After a while he just held me on the bathroom floor, and it was the first quiet, calm, moment we'd had together since the party started.

"Thanks for breaking the news," i said. "I panicked."

"It's aight. I was excited to tell them anyways."

"The strangest part of all this," i said, pasuing to really think about it, "is that now they all know we've been having sex."

"I think they knew that already Randi," he chuckled. He had a good point, but it still felt oddly exposing.

"Is it bad that i want them all to leave now," i mumbled,cheek to the floor.

"I can tell them to get out if thats what you want," he offered. I shook my head.

"Here, drink this," my moms voice suddenly came from the bathroom door. She was standing there holding a mug. "It will help with the nausea," she explained, walking over towards the bathtub where we were. So i took it and drank it. "Dont worry, people are starting to leave already. They saw you leaving and realized how tired you must be."

"Thanks mommy," i said, feeling particularly childish at the moment. She smiled.

"Im gonna go start cleaning up," she said. I nodded and then she left.

"Im a horrible person," i said as soon as she was gone.

"What? Why?" Cayden said, confused.

"Because i didn't wanna tell her, or anyone, and they're all so happy."

"Nah, that doesn't make you a horrible person. You're just private. But aren't you sort of glad they know now?" I knew what he meant, it made it feel more real, and their excitement and joy did make me feel like something good was coming. I was touched by how many people already loved this baby.

"Are you trying to say i told you so to me? While im pregnant?" I looked up at him.

"Is that gonna be the new card you play every time things aren't going your way?" he guessed.

"Yes, yes it is," I nodded proudly.

"Well, seriously though, thank you."

"For what?" i asked, playing with his hand in mine.

"For doing this for me," he rubbed my stomach, he was the only person that i actually liked doing that.

"You're welcome. But there is something i been wanting to say to you, and i feel like its important for you to know," i started.

"Okay..." he said, brows coming together.

"I am excited about having a baby.Yes, i'm doing this for you, but for me too. I know i was slow to warm up to the idea, but i can't wait to raise kids with you Cay," i smiled up at him. I saw the glimmer in his eye and it made me melt inside.

"Wait, you said kids, plural," he smirked. Of course he would focus on that.

"I did," i simply replied. He leaned down to plant his lips on mine, kissing me with all the excitement and love in the world. I wasn't sure if it was whatever drink my mom made, or the kiss, but i suddenly didn't feel sick anymore.

#chris brown #chris brown fanfic #chris brown ff #Jhene Aiko #jhene chilombo #jhene aiko fanfic #jhene efuru #jhene aiko ff #celebrity #celebs #celebrity fanfic #celebrity fanfiction #fanfiction #fandom #fan fiction #fanfic #fanfic update #writing

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strippersrevenge · 7 years

Text

It had been a little over two weeks since the back to back incidents between Derrek and his mother.

After everything calmed down, and she did her much needed research on how to make sure the evidence of his mothers attack left no mark. After cleaning up the mess his mother made and going back upstairs to stash the money he threw at her feet like she tried to do often, because one day she knew she would own her salon and she didn’t want to have to struggle to keep it on its feet once Derrek realized she had real potential. So she skimped and saved and did all she can for her little emergency fund for her dream. But thats all it was, a dream fund because she was already on edge.

Ever since that day she had been keeping quiet about it and waiting on him hand and foot. She only spoke when spoken to, did everything she was asked, and dressed how he loved. She was even just leaving from hanging with those uppity chatty bitches she hated so much just to please him, to show him she was sorry.

Walking down the street just clearing my head to get ready and go home to cook when she heard someone calling her by her name.

Looking up she saw one of the many people on her list that she didn’t want to see, one of Derrek’s friends.

“Whats good, for a second I wasn’t sure if that was your name.”

Trying to keep up the pretenses, she decided to stay in role and to make sure whatever image Derrek gave him of their relationship, that she kept.

“Oh hello, Mr......i’m sorry what was it again? Derrek has so many great connections its hard to keep up with them all.” I said making sure i sprinkled in enough ass kissery to make this faceless idiot feel special.

“Oh nah you good. But call me Evan.” he said as he stopped in front of her.

“Oh thats right, Mr. Evan, I am so sorry about that what can I do for....” she started before she was interrupted.

“Oh nah ma, just Evan.” he said giving her a smirk she assumed worked on a flock of other bitches, but made her cringe inwardly.

“Okay Mr....I mean just Evan.” I said adding a bit of ice into my tone. “What can I help you with today?”

“Oh nothing, I just saw you walking and thought I just stop you and have a conversation.” he said looking her up and down, “you seem to like white huh?” he asked as he roamed her body with his eyes.

Clenching her fist behind her back she forced a smiled.

“Yea, I like the way it looks with my skintone.”

“Yea, that nice smooth skin does look nice in it.” he said reaching out his hand to touch her when she uncontinuously jerked her shoulder away and tried to play it off.

“So, did you need me to tell Derrek you were looking for him, or tell him hi for you?” I asked realizing he was wearing the same heavy ass jacket as last time.

“Nah, I was just trying to holla at you real quick.” he said folding his arms obviously insulted that she wouldnt let him touch her.

“Oh I see, Well then nice to see you again, but I must be......” she said before she was interrupted.

“Wooh, ‘hole up ma, whats the rush?”

“Well I must get home to cook for dinner to night so......” she started before being interrupted yet again, making her wanted to go the fuck off.

“Oh, you cook too ma? Shit, what you making tonight?”

“I haven’t made up my mind yet.” she said quickly feeling her ditsy docile image shattering with frustration.

“Man if you were my girl, I’d take you out every night, I wouldn’t let my girl even break a sweat let alone a nail.”

“Well thats nice, but I actually like to cook.”

“Oh I guess, but how bout I treat you to dinner first, then you can go home.”

“I’m not interested.” she said finally just not giving a fuck, and getting to the point.

“Yo, you aint gotta act like that, a nigga just tryna wine and dine your stuck up ass!” he hollered taking her aback, and taking her out her damn character.

“Why the fuck you tryna wine and dine some other nigga fiance my guy?! I said I wasn’t interested!” she said snapping back.

“Aye, you better lower yo tone thotting ass bitch! Ya’ll stuck up bitches love to be mad flippant at the mouth.”

“Says the dusty broke ass bitch tryna call me the fuck out my name! How bout instead of tryna impress a bitch like all she use to is eating at burger joints and fuck in theaters, that you take the time to actually wash that raggedy ass ovo hoodie and expand your fucking brands you low budget ass wanna be hood nigga!” she snapped getting real tired of niggas treating her crazy.

“Hoe who is........”

“NIGGA LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE YOU TRY TO EVER IN YOUR LIFE CROSS ME AGAIN! NOW GO GET YA HEAD OUT YA ASS, LEARN HOW TO FUCKING DRESS, AND GO FIND YOU SOME RANDOM HOOD BITCH WHO ACTUALLY IMPRESSED WITH YOUR NICKLE AND DIME ASS MONEY YOU BUM ASS BITCH!!” she said flipping him off and walking away looking dumb.

................................................................................................................................

Putting the lasagna in the pan holder she heard the front door open and slam.

“Hey baby, I’m almost done I just have to finish the salad and bake the bread and everything should be done.” she said not looking up as she looked for a bowl in the bottom cabinet.

“Would you like a something to drink?” she asked as she washed the bowl out and went to grab the salad.

When she didn’t get a response she looked back.

Not seeing anyone there she called out to him again.

“Derrek baby, is that you?” she asked reaching into the drawer for a knife just to be safe.

As soon as she heard foot steps approaching quickly she looked back one hand in the drawer ready to protect herself when one of the decor pieces from their hallway flew past her face, barely missing her, and breaking on the wall behind her.

Before she could get a scream in Derrek started going off.

“BITCH WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU REALLY SMELLING YOURSELF HUH?!”

“Wha....baby whats wrong?”

“SO YOU JUST OUT HERE BASICALLY THROWING YOURSELF AT NIGGAS, AND NOT JUST ANY NIGGA BUT ONE OF MY CLIENTS?!”

Standing there looking shocked she just stared at him.

“Baby thats not even what happened!” she screamed.

“WHO YOU RASING YOUR VOICE AT?!”

“You know what Derrek! No! Im talking to you! You dead ass think I would talk to one of your fucking clients?! He walked up to me and I kept things mad professional, and when I shut him down he got in his damn feelings and now he got you coming in here hollering at me!”

Watching her words set in and his aggravation still skyrocketing.

“You know what...” he said before calmly walking up to her and making her take an unconscious step back which pissed him off more.

“YO ASS REALLY THINK YOU FINE AS FUCK! YOU THINK JUST CAUSE, THAT YOU CAN TALK TO MY CLIENTS RECKLESS AND LOUD TALK ME?!” he said reaching out for her which made her stumble back away from him.

“I...I....” she stumbled out which she could tell really pissed him off more.

“You know what, I don’t even wanna see your fucking face right now, Im going out, be sleep when I get home!” he said turning on his heel and walking off.

“But what about dinner Derrek!”

“Nah fuck you and that dinner bitch! And clean up that damn glass off the floor!” he said pointing at the newly broken decor piece before storming off and slamming the door as he left.

For a while she just stood there looking shocked, ‘why the fuck did she have to deal with this shit?!’ she thought as she picked up the shattered glass and tossed it out, mad cause it was one of her favorites.

Looking back at the food forgotten on the counter, she put her head in her hands and sighed. Sliding down the cabinet she groaned out loud.

She was at her wits end, at this point she was really close to just letting herself be selfish and just leaving. The servitude and the disrespect from his mother was all done out of her love for him, but his new thing of charging her was starting to scare her. Not even counting the fact that he could have seriously hurt her by throwing fucking glass at her, she just couldn’t.

Bad day or not, there was nothing but this ring holding her to him, and maybe before he decided to escalate his frustrations it was time for her to get out.

#strippers revenge #camren pov #camren #Derrek #evan #Sims 3 #sims story #sims 3 story #black simblr #urban sims story

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