#k’s changed her theme again

[runnning-outof-time]

I know I said I wouldn’t do it for a while, but I went and changed my theme again…….needed some color back in my life to celebrate spring.

[theabysss]

Salvation

pairing: sagau!Dottore x Reader

summary: When you die, the whole world collapses for Dottore, but maybe there is still hope?

warnings/tags: gn!Reader, religious + cult themes, description of the execution, description of injuries.

word count: 2.7 k~

note: I'm here again after all this time. (ーー;)ノ Brought you some Dottore, enjoy. Maybe there will be a second part, but I don't promise anything.

Scarlet blood spurts out and a severed head rolls down. Empty eye sockets are directed to the heavens, a happy smile frozen on your face, anticipating the end of torment, now sealed on your face with an eternal mask. Dottore feels his fingertips go numb, he stares blankly at your head and hair, matted with blood. The mechanical heart, which has never failed before, either skips beats or beats quickly.

His ears feel like they are filled with cotton and he hears no sound, the emptiness fills his heart drop by drop, leaving no space for anything else. What is this feeling called? Dottore tries to distract himself from the picture before his eyes and frantically tries to remember the right word, but his thoughts move slowly like flies stuck in honey. A flash of insight and a bitter taste appears in his mouth. Despair. A drop of blood runs down his chin; he didn’t notice when he bit his lip with his teeth. It seems that only ten seconds have passed since the execution, but to Dottore they seem like an eternity.

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices tears running down the Tsaritsa’s face. There is no trace left of her usually cold personality. The harbingers look no better, for each of them there has long been no one left more important than you, and to lose you like that was terrible. More painful than the worst wound they received in life.

The one whom the archons call the Creator begins their speech with an unpleasant grin, full of self-satisfaction. They talks about the impostor and how proud they are of their dear followers for capturing you for him. He is sick of looking at the other archons; the proud appearance of Morax and the other archons makes him rage. It spreads like hot lava from the heart to the hands, convulsively clenching in impatience, the desire to strangle this ancient reptile overwhelms Dottore.

Your most loyal follower huh? The fool who fell for the fake sent by Celestia. He was the first to accept this abomination without doubting it even for a second. You were so different, your auras were completely different. A liar or a pathetic fool, whichever was true, Morax was disgusting.

When the fake finishes their incredibly pathetic speech, it will be their turn: Tsaritsa, the harbingers, the ordinary Fatui, they will all have to lose their lives.

Mentally, Dottore estimates the distance to the platform where Celestia’s puppet stands. Even though his delusion had been taken away just like the rest of the harbingers, that didn't mean he was going to give up. Dottore runs his tongue over teeth, checking their sharpness and squints with satisfaction, feeling the salty taste of blood appearing in his mouth. There is nothing worse than an animal driven into a corner, knowing that there is no chance of salvation, but still intending to resist.

When he is led past the platform to the guillotine, he will take the chance and take revenge. Although it would be more correct to call this the restoration of justice. You were innocent, You were their god.

When the fake solemnly spreads his hands and orders the executions to continue, the sky of Teyvat darkens, anyone could feel the fury of the elements. Dottore exhales in amazement, drops of your blood slowly rising into the air and changing their color from red to gold. The crackling of electricity, the smell of burning, strong gusts of wind, the temperature drops lower every second, plants are spreading across the entire area, bright and screaming about their toxicity, the earth trembles underfoot, on the horizon he can see the sea rising in waves, each of which is higher than the previous ones, threatening to flood the whole harbor.

The fake looks at what is happening in shock, but does not have time to say a single word. Lightning falls from the sky and strikes Celestia's puppet, one after the other in an endless stream, they follow each other. Dottore's heart is filled with gloomy triumph and at the same time unbearable bitterness. If Teyvat could have intervened directly, why didn’t he save you, their Creator? Why didn't the world prevent your death? Or was it your desire to reveal the truth only when nothing will it be impossible to fix it, leaving them all with eternal regret?

When the lightning stops falling from the sky, the fake turns into a smoking piece of charred flesh. The Archons look in surprise at the one they praised as the Creator, understanding slowly appears on their faces. One by one they helplessly turn their heads towards your body. Morax is the first to fall to his knees in front of your head, Dottore sees how his fingers tremble as he hesitates to touch your blood-stained cheek.

Tsaritsa looks contemptuously at each of these traitors. Dottore knows that now she would with great pleasure impale each of the archons on ice spikes if only the shackles did not block her powers.

In a half-strangled voice, Morax orders the Millelith to release all of them.

After being released, Dottore and the rest of the harbingers follow Tsaritsa as she goes to the archons and… your body. Standing next to it is unbearably painful, his eyes cling to every scratch on your face, his heart falls into a cold empty hole, now that he can clearly see your empty eye sockets.

As far as he knew, the Electro Archon was to blame for this; he would have broken every bone in her hands, and then lowered her into a vat of acid and watched as her flesh peeled off from the bones.

Tsaritsa's voice is cold and gloomy when she speaks to the rest of the archons.

"There is no punishment that can atone for your sin and death will not be your salvation. You will live the rest of your eternity in pain, I promise you all that."

A drop of your golden blood slowly moves in the air, Dottore follows their movement with his eyes. Was there a chance to save you, why did everything turn out that way? Why he, Tsaritsa and the other harbingers turned out to be so weak and useless? They too were sinners, those who did not save and they will bear this sin until the end of their lives.

Dottore could still feel the remnants of your aura, faintly, but he could, and he closed his eyes, absorbing this feeling, which was soon to dissipate. Or not? Dottore's eyes widened, an arrow of hope piercing his heart. Your spirit was still here, weak, fading, still existing, attached to drops of golden blood.

"The Creator has not left us yet, his spirit is still here."

The face of Tsaritsa and the other archons lit up with faint hope, their gazes were directed at him, all-consuming, unwavering attention emanated from them, however, such a gaze was directed at Dottore from everyone who was present in the square.

"Collect all the blood, not a single drop should be lost; the soul of the Creator is attached to it. I can try to save Their Grace, but we must act quickly before their spirit dissipates."

Dottore is determined. He will succeed, he cannot fail, he will not make mistakes, just not in such an important matter as this. Despite the mental pep talk he gave himself, Dottore's palms become treacherously cold and he begins to nervously tap a rhythm with his fingers on his thigh.

He needed a workplace, his laboratories would be ideal, but he was not sure that your spirit would survive the trip to Snezhnaya. He had to act quickly, Dottore could feel the grains of time slipping through his fingers.

When he and the clones find themselves in the silence of the temporary laboratory provided by Qixing, Dottore allows himself only one nervous sigh before taking control of his emotions. The time for all the emotions will come later, when he successfully returns life to you.

He begins to give instructions to the clones, who are preparing everything necessary for Dottore's most important work. It’s good that he managed to drive out all the traitors of the archons and other personalities who tried to be present, even Tsaritsa, nothing should distract him, the price of a mistake is too great.

The punishment of the archons was temporarily postponed, Tsaritsa said that when you become alive again, you yourself will determine the punishment for these traitors. It's when, not if. Now the whole seven had to destroy Celestia, which had committed the unforgivable.

Your headless body lying on the operating table looked foreign, wrong of all places, you should never have ended up here. You should have enjoyed the balls held in your honor, the gifts offered to you by your followers.

To begin with, it was worth understanding whether it made sense to try to restore your human shell or was it already in a completely unusable state? A severed head is a big obstacle to the restoration of your body, but Dottore had no guarantee that your soul could take root in a synthetic body, and the ability to create it in a short time, so there was only one possibility left. It was necessary to attach your head back to the body, check the body for damage to internal organs and, if there were any, heal them. Before you begin the process of returning your soul to the mortal coil.

The test results showed, although not the most comforting results, but everything was not so bad, of course, with the exception of the severed head. General severe exhaustion of the body, which will be corrected by the correct diet after your resurrection, which will definitely be successful. It couldn't fail. After all, if he failed, would there be any point in his existence, in the existence of nations, in Teyvat? Without you, nothing made sense.

Dottore shakes his head, driving away bad thoughts and returns to work. In order for the head to subsequently work as it should, each nerve and blood vessel had to be connected correctly. Painstaking work that requires a lot of patience, well, Dottore never complained about its lack.

Hour after hour, the clock ticked peacefully in the background, measuring time, while Dottore and his clones painstakingly put everything back together as it was originally. The last batch of stitches signals the end of such a complex operation. The muscles of his back ached in protest against the same position for hours. Dottore looked at his work satisfactorily, touching the stitches and then immediately pursed his lips in regret. This is not how it was supposed to be. He walked over to the table and gave himself an injection that instantly banished any fatigue and made his mind crystal clear again. In a day he will definitely feel very bad when the kickback comes, but you were definitely worth it. In fact, if he were now offered to give his life in exchange for yours, he would agree without hesitation.

It was time to start the second stage, it was necessary to do something with your eyes. Unfortunately, all he could offer you now were temporary prosthetics, not as advanced as those he and the clones used. He will definitely replace them later with better ones.

One of the many things he regretted was that he didn't get to see your eyes, they should have been gorgeous. In legends they were described as unearthly, as if entire constellations and the endless night sky were reflected in them.

As gently as possible, Dottore cleaned your eye holes from dirt and blood, carefully stretched the wires to the back lobe of the brain, to which the optic nerves are attached, and finally inserted the prostheses. Dentures you should never have. The color looked inappropriate, too artificial, alien, wrong, Dottore swallowed dryly. He sits down on a chair nearby and wearily hides his face in his hands. Fatigue, not physical, but moral, covers him in a wave and the heaviness in his chest does not allow him to breathe. He knows that it will only disappear when you take your breath and your heart beats again.

Dottore was never particularly religious in his youth, he was interested in the story of the creation of the world and definitely admired you, but there was never any real reverence in his feelings then. Everything gradually began to change when he joined Fatui. Every year he learned more and more about you and his devotion to you only grew, gradually completely capturing his heart until there was nothing left in him except you.

All the humanity that was in him, no matter how little it was, was intended only for you. All his achievements were dedicated to you. He all belonged to you, only you. And at the moment there was nothing he could want more than to see you alive. The same desire burned with a passionate flame in the eyes of his clones standing nearby.

The last stage is the most important. Dottore carefully inserts a needle into your vein and begins to pour your blood back into your body. He feels your spirit waver, as if you doesn’t want to return.

He looks over your body; bright blue veins stand out on your pale skin, there are various bruises and scratches on your body, which he, of course, treated, but to his regret the healing was not instantaneous. This picture breaks him into fragments, leaving a cold emptiness instead of his mechanical heart, his inability to correct what happened. Was there any point in all his knowledge that he had been collecting for centuries if now it was almost completely useless at the most important moment of his life. All that Dottore can do now is pray, pray to you, to the elements, to Teyvat. Please come back, please, please, please…

He knew it was a selfish desire, this world wasn't worthy of you, they weren't worthy of you, not after what happened. But hope, a feeling that had not come to him for a very long time since the time of the academy, flared up in his soul. The last drops of blood poured back into your body and deathly silence fell in the laboratory. Those few seconds when nothing happened seemed like an eternity, frightening, cold, hopeless to Dottore. The claws of the unknown tore his heart apart, did he succeed? Would you like to return?

Your trembling breath and wide-open eyes bring Dottore into a state close to euphoric. You were alive again, relief fills him and makes him dizzy with happiness. He feels something wet rolling down his cheek and wipes it away in confusion. A tear. A lot of time had passed since the last time he cried, and he had definitely never had tears of happiness until that moment. Well, you always made him feel an unusual amount of different emotions.

When you go into a coughing fit, one of the clones instantly brings you a mug of water and looks at your face with concern. You take a few greedy sips, and then turn your confused gaze on him, gradually filling with fear. Dottore's heart clenches unpleasantly, this is not how you were supposed to look at him. Not what he wants and not how it should be.

You try to say something, but again break into a cough. Dottore instantly approaches, he wants… to console you, to assure you that you are safe, but the words lie like dead weight on his tongue. He carefully reaches out to your hand, but freezes millimeters from your skin. He felt confused, useless. You will probably be uncomfortable with the touches of a sinner like him.

You carefully peer into his face, by the way your gaze moves along the features of his face, it seems to him that you are looking for an answer to some very important question for you. And after a few moments, the answer seems to satisfy you, a relieved sigh escapes your lips and you reach out with your hand to his, carefully placing your hand in his.

Dottore swallows dryly, warmth rising up his arm from where you touch.

"Everything will be fine, Your Grace. Now everything will be fine, I promise."

Reblogs, comments, are always greatly appreciated! ヽ(o^ ^o)ﾉ

[gffa]

Usually, I like to finish reading a fic before recommending it properly, but I've been sucked into about five different STAR WARS fics recently that I've gotten far enough into that I'm willing to trust my heart to them because they're scratching a very specific itch for me--namely, that I want deeper explorations of both the Jedi Order and of Anakin's character. I want fic to punch me in the feelings over both of these aspects of the story. I want fic to sometimes set Obi-Wan and Anakin aside and focus on Ahsoka for awhile, really tell her story. I want Jedi themes woven into a story. I want an exploration of Anakin's mindset that reminds me of just how much I love him and have sympathy for him. And fandom has delivered for me.

DO YOU WANT FIC TO BLACK OUT TO AND LOSE AN ENTIRE WEEKEND OVER? HAVE I GOT SOME RECS FOR YOU:

✦ Out with Lanterns by SkyeBean, ahsoka & mace & jedi & clones & cast, 312.5k     In another universe, Jedi Masters Plo Koon and Depa Billaba decide a Padawan could do Mace some good. It takes a while, but he eventually agrees. When he takes Ahsoka Tano as his Padawan, Mace knows that he's broken through a Shatterpoint and changed the course of a life. How, he doesn't know.     This fic accomplishes several things that have sent me over the moon: 1) At its heart, it's an Ahsoka fic that shows her growing up as a Padawan, going on missions, learning lessons, and having character growth. 2) It weaves in so many other characters around her, that Mace is there in almost every chapter, serious but warm in the Force, just as beautifully characterized as she is. 3) The other Jedi get their moments of excellents, Shaak taking Ahsoka on her Akul hunt was wonder to read, seeing Obi-Wan show up for a chapter had me over the moon, Adi taking care with Ahsoka was lovely, Depa was a shining star when she took Ahsoka under her wing, Fox growing used to these strange Jedi and growing into himself through Ahsoka's eyes was wonderful. 4) The writing is that kind of solid that I don't mean as mid-tier, but the kind that I feel like can bear weight on it, I can pick it up and read for 30k and barely realize any time has passed, despite that I've gotten through an entire arc of the fic. 5) It does an incredible job of balancing that feel of The Clone Wars show, without directly copying anything, that it's like these are arcs that I could have seen on the show itself, the lessons woven in, but still with enough plot moving forward and action to make it exciting. If you want more Jedi-centric fic in your life (where they don't have to be perfect! sometimes they can be less than perfect and it's okay because they're still good! ohhhh, my heart warmed at that) or you want to read a lovely Ahsoka-centric fic in a different life, but still so recognizably herself, then this is one I want to shove right in your face immediately.

✦ Take it from the top and try again by mauvera, obi-wan & anakin & qui-gon & padme & mace & dooku & cast, time travel, 116.k wip     Five years into his self imposed exile on Tattooine, Obi-Wan Kenobi is gifted the chance to go back and bring hope back to the galaxy. With hindsight on his side, he fully intends to save his master, save his padawan, make some new and old friends again, prepare the Jedi for a war they’ll hopefully never see and begin to pull apart all the many tangled threads of the Sith Lord’s plans. Should be relatively easy. Right?     I got sucked into the first fic in this series (which is complete, if you want to read it--it's not the end of the story, but it's a good stopping point and feels like it should have some solid resolution if you don't want to get into a wip) and read the first fic over the course of about three days because I was sucked in so thoroughly. I can never get enough of Obi-Wan time traveling back to the past, where he loves the Jedi and they love him, and I love this one because he has to make genuine plans for changing things--things change and I have no idea how that's going to affect Palpatine's machinations! Exciting! But it's also a lovely look at Obi-Wan's dynamics with multiple characters--I found the Obi-Wan & Padme scenes a hightlight personally, their friendship really blossomed as they both flung themselves into trying to better the galaxy, even if she doesn't know he's from the future, that he's working so hard matched a lot of her energy and I really enjoyed that--from Qui-Gon to Mace to Padme to Anakin and, as the sequel progresses, Dooku as well. It's another Jedi-positive fic, it has me invested in the plot, it's a joy to see competent!Obi-Wan, and I would love to shove it at more people.

✦ Post Order 66 Exile AU by Livsy, obi-wan & anakin, 46k (wip-esque)     After a failed order 66, in which many Jedi still died but the Sith were defeated, an exiled warrior and a boy wander a distant planet and attempt to get along.     This is probably the shortest fic on this list but I'm including it because it genuinely felt longer than that, for how dense the emotional intensity of it is. It's an AU where the Jedi barely eked out a victory, still on the edge of extinction in many ways, and Anakin deep in the pits of the dark side, so Obi-Wan takes him to a backwater planet in exile for the both of them, traveling through the countryside and just trying to make it from day to day. What punched me right in the feelings place is that this fic doesn't shy away from the hurt and the anger on both sides, that both of them are allowed to be unreliable narrators that have their own points of view on what's transpired and what lays between them. It doesn't back away from the hurt they both feel, the despair they both feel, yet there's hope here. It's ultimately a story about clawing yourself back from the dark side, and it's beautifully characterized for both of them, that unkind things are said on both of their parts, but you understand why the characters are in the place they are. It's wrapped up in a lushly written backdrop, with some lovely Japanese feudal era details woven in, but also with a Star Wars patina spread across all of it. It's not necessarily a kind fic, but if you like fic that bites down on a wound, I enjoyed this series a lot and would love to see it continued--but, honestly, what's here is already enough resolution that, looking back on it after the initial "Noooooo, I need more!" feeling has faded, I'm actually very satisfied with. ✦ Men of Power by AlabasterInk, obi-wan & anakin & mace & yoda & jedi & palpatine & cast, 86.1k wip     When an old powerful man suddenly comes in and sweeps your underage Padawan away without so much as a by your leave, that’s the time to start asking questions.     I'm only about 20k into this fic, so I can't say what shape it will take later on or how much pairings might come into it, but I still had to come running over to shove this fic at people, because it's scratching the itch I have for Jedi-positive fic that explores the idea of Anakin's trauma from his childhood as a slave, that this is a child who is wound so tight and comes from such a horrible thing having been done to him, having been owned as a person, that I understand why he stays silent on some of the things I desperately wish he could talk about or he doesn't really believe some of the things the Jedi tell him. It's a fic that takes a lot more care with Anakin's character than I think canon ever intended, weaving in a lot of the heartbreaking stuff from Legends' supplementing the canon, and is creating something that punches me right in the feelings place for him, that he's such a bright, brilliant boy, but I see why he struggled and it's not about assigning blame in any direction. It's about deeply caring people who fate has take a few steps to the left and something shifts just a little--and I appreciate that there's something very delicate feeling here, that the Jedi just don't have any real reason to be suspicious of Palpatine, his actions make sense, they genuinely can't feel any ill intention from him in the Force, they discuss why it would make sense that he'd want to support Anakin, all while we the readers can see, in hindsight, where the shadows have been creeping in. If you want Jedi-positive fic that also leaves some teeth marks over Anakin's trauma being explored in a way that is entirely sympathetic to him, then I want to shove this fic at you, too.

[bloofinntoona]

Operation Saving Sallow

Word Count: 2.4 k

Themes: fluffy fluff fluff, Sebastian Sallow x f!reader, featuring the lovely friends you made along the HL games

Summary: A girl gave Seb candies laced with love potion. You were rightfully jealous. Your friends were there to help you solve the case.

A splash of water hit your face, small drops of water dripped down onto the sink, echoing through the empty bathroom. The old cloudy mirror in front you showed the absolute sorry state that you were currently in – hair tied up in a messy ponytail, lips chapped from the lack of hydration, the ends of your school robe muddy from being dragged through your journey around the highland. You smacked your cheeks a couple times, causing the skin to break into a rose-colored hue. It was a trick you read in a beauty book your mom owned back in London. Biting your lips, you wished it would somewhat create a red tint, hoping it would make your face appear livelier. Two students barged through the door, pulling you away from your thoughts. Shaking your head, you made your way to the Divination class.

You didn’t care about your appearance before, to be quite honest. Often times you ran around the school with gears that you found in a treasure chest somewhere deep in caves. There were nobody to impress anyway, you found prioritizing about your defensive capabilities benefited you more anyways. Things did slowly change when you took an interest to the infamous Sebastian Sallow. You thought of him as friends at first. He was an outgoing person and a notorious flirt, so you didn’t think much about the brunette. However, the constant owls you receive -- noting invitations to explore the forest and mines, Sebastian showing you the Undercroft where no one else other than Ominis knew, and going so far as introducing you to Anne, you couldn’t help but think that there were something quite special between the two of you. “I like when you put your hair up,” he said once during your study period in the library. From that point onward, you took a little bit of time in a morning to tie your hair, either in a ponytail or a bun.

Sitting down on one of the chairs in the Divination Classroom, you stared at the circular glass in front of you. A slew of students shuffled into the classroom, one of them is the popular Ravenclaw student, Emma Ainsley. Emma was probably the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen in the school, soft long blonde hair naturally swayed behind her, cute button nose, and a pair of beautiful deep-blue eyes. She was holding a boy’s hand, and it was none other than Sebastian. They were giggling about something, the students stared at them, whispering gossips and snickering to each other. You blankly stared at the orb in front of you, wishing that the glass would absorb you in and let you disappear.

“Well, that is not a sight you expect.” Natty took the seat next to you, setting her books down.

“Y/N, you look pale. Are you alright?” said Poppy, also taking her seat on the other side. Natty stared at the Hufflepuff, widening her eyes. Poppy shrugged and offered you a Chocolate Frog. “Do you want one?”

You flashed a weak smile before glancing at Sebastian again, now sitting together next to Emma. Merlin, You were convinced someone switched places with the boy overnight. The first thing that he would do before class started was to greet you, teasing you about missing assignments. You swore you never saw him talk to Emma before. It’s obvious that a boy his age most likely would develop a crush on someone, but you rightfully were taken aback when he confessed his infatuation with the Ravenclaw. Maybe, deep down, you wished you were in her position instead.

You let out a huge sigh, cueing Poppy to give you a tender pat on your back.

Lunchtime was not particularly appetizing that day. You toyed with the food on your plate, occasionally picking the grilled chicken and popping a bite in your mouth.

“That is it, I will press even if you don’t want to talk about it.” Natty faced you, arms crossed in front of her, “I cannot stand seeing you mope around the entire day.”

“We all know it’s Sebastian, right?” Poppy chimed in, taking a swing of pumpkin juice.

You covered your face with your hands, not wanting to see your friends concerned gaze. You sighed, again. You admitted, “Yes, it is Sebastian. I am at my wit’s end, I have no idea what happened and out of nowhere he is head over heal in love with Emma!” You quickly added, “It’s not like I’m jealous or anything… I just wished he would tell me before making a move on someone. I thought I’m one of his closest friend!”

“Oh, trust me, I’m lost too.” You heard a male voice behind you. Quickly, you whipped your head around to find Ominis looming over. The point of his wand glowing red.

“Ominis!” you exclaimed, “I thought you’d know something about this!” You scootched over, guiding the blonde boy to sit down next to you.

“Honestly, he woke up and all he talks about is Emma this, Emma that. I swear I was this close from pushing him out from the window.” He huffed.

“But that doesn’t make any sense,” Natty’s eyebrows twisted in confusion, “You can’t just love someone out of nowhere.”

The group was startled when they heard footsteps closing in in front of them. It was the man of the hour, Sebastian, with Emma clutching his arm. “Hey, this a good day, isn’t it? Shall we take a walk to Hogsmead later?” He grins. “But Sebbie, you promised that we would go together!” Emma pursued her lips and clinged on him harder. You had to muster your whole strength to not cringe from the scene in front of you, while Ominis visibly gagged from the scene. “Sorry mates, we’ll hang out later, yeah? I need to accompany my dear Em-em.” He cheered as they took a spot at the far side of the room.

“I think I ought to be sick.” You banged your head to the table.

“Count me in too. Just tell me when and I will gladly smack them both with my broom.” Imelda Reyes chimed in. Imelda and Samantha Dale popped in and joined the table. Samantha added, “But I think I know what happened.”

The group hurdled together, lowering their voices.

“Poppy and Ominis, do you remember what we brew during the potion class couple days ago?” Samantha questioned, eyeing her two classmates.

You could sense a lightbulb turned on in Ominis’ mind, “Amortentia!” he shouted, immediately being shushed by Natty, “The love potion! That’s it! I remember I saw chocolate candy wrappings on his bedside table last night.”

“Ohoho, seems like our own so-called Slytherin finest is getting the poisoned!” Imelda cracked out a cheeky snicker.

You let out a relived sigh. By this point, your feelings had beaten your rational thoughts. Yes, you were beyond jealous to see another girl putting her hands all over Sebastian. And yes, you had taken a keen interest in Sebastian Sallow. You’d hate to admit it, but you can feel the whole group knew about it already – judging by the way they immediately shot you coy smiles.

“Now you don’t have to worry again, my friend.” Natty giggled, wrapping her arm around your shoulder, hugging you close.

“W-worry about what?” You blinked, a nervous smile plastered on your face.

“All right now, we’ll deal with this together.” uttered Samantha, “We got your back, Y/N.”

“Okay team, the rundown of Operation Saving Sebastian as follows,” Imelda proudly proclaimed as Ominis groaned, earning a smack from the girl, “Ominis and I will find the candy wrapper and report it to Professor Sharp. Samantha and Poppy will distract Emma away from Sebastian. Natty and Y/N, you will ask Sebastian for a duel and knock him out.”

“Do we really need to knock him out?” you questioned.

“Well, it does say on my notes that a good night sleep is the best way to significantly reduce the potion’s effects…” Samantha shrugged, followed by the team. You felt bad, it’s like the group collectively agreed that Sebastian’s a bit of a knobhead.

You heard Samantha and Poppy were able to convince Emma that they need to tend the mooncalves after the Magical Beast Class. Poppy did earlier rambled on about how one of thee female mooncalves was pregnant and need extra care.

Both you and Natty found Sebastian sitting in front of the fountain at the Transfiguration courtyard, smiling while looking at the sun. You heard him muttering about how the sky was as bright as Emma’s eyes. “Hey there, Sebastian.” You approached the love-stricken boy, “I’d thought it’s been a while since we went on a duel. Care to indulge me and Natty?”

“Well, I was waiting for Emma, but a duel does sound enticing.” He nodded as he followed the two girls. You mentally facepalmed – even a love potion didn’t stop this boy from his obsession with duelling challenges. Natty also gave you a look, this is the boy you have a crush on?

Lucan, as usual, was elated that Sebastian, Natty, and you were up for a duel. After all, the three students were the top of the club. It didn’t take long until a small crowd of students gathered around the duelling courtyard. You stood next to Natty, as Sebastian took his stance at the opposite side.

“Too scared to face me alone, eh?” He taunted, starting the duel with a basic cast aimed to you. You rolled your eyes and casted Protego and Stupefy followed after. Sebastian dodged the spell before being lifted up by Natty’s Levioso. You casted another rounds of basic casts before he dropped down, immediately casting a Depulso to Natty, pushing her back.

“I wished Emma can see me win!” Sebastian shouted.

That was it, the nail on the coffin. You swore you would take this lightly, “Just knock him out a bit.” You heard Samantha’s voice in your head. Yet, this whole day was frustrating enough for you. Using your ancient magic prowess, you lifted a small box and hurled it to Sebastian, hitting it against his head. The crowd went oooh! as Sebastian was rendered unconscious, comically slamming his body down on the floor, limbs sprawled everywhere.

Lucan immediately rushed to the Slytherin boy, “The winners are Natty and Y/N!” he shouted, “… and somebody should bring Seb to the hospital wing!”

“We’ll do it, Lucan, thank you.” You shuffled closer to the body on the floor, hoisting him on your shoulder. Natty joined you in a jiffy, grabbing Sebastian’s other arm around her shoulders.

“You didn’t need to go that far!” Natty whispered, although you saw her fighting a smile.

“That’s what he get for breaking my heart.” You both laughed as you travelled to the hospital wing.

You laid down Sebastian on an empty cot, explaining to the nurse that it was a duelling mishap. The nurse shook her head and mumbled about getting us a detention. You couldn’t care less, at least now the plan is almost done.

“Sebbie! What have these two brutes done to you?” You and Natty tensed as you heard Emma burst through the doors, running towards Sebastian, “Oh my dear, I am here for you!”

Emma looked at you. If looks could kill, you’d be dead by now. “Why are you here? Move aside, I’m his girlfriend!”

You stuttered, “W-well, I’m his… friend.” You felt very stupid right now.

Just before Emma could utter other word, you heard several footsteps approaching the cot. Professor Sharp stood over the cot, presenting the candy wrapper to Emma. “Care to explain what this is?” He questioned. Ominis, Imelda, Samantha, and Poppy followed after, curious about how the story unfolded, you’d wager.

“I-it’s, uh.. I-“ Emma jumbled her words, trying to salvage the situation she was in.

“Save it, Ms. Ainsley, I shall see you in detention this evening. I shall also deduct some points from Ravenclaw.” Professor Sharp shook his head, “I’m very disappointed in you.” Emma ran out of the hospital, wailing.

Suddenly, you felt a hand squeezed yours. Sebastian groaned loudly, blinking a few times in confusion. “Why is everyone here?” He looked around, “Why am I in the hospital wing? Did something happen? Ouch!” The boy yelped as he felt a tender spot on his forehead. You shrugged and gave him an apologetic look.

“Mr. Sallow, do you recognize this?” Professor Sharp placed the candy wrapper on Sebastian hands. The brunette inspected it and muttered, “Yes, Emma Ainsley gave some candies. Said she got extra from Hogsmead. I remember they tasted weird though…”

Everybody was silent as Sebastian glanced over the candy, and then to Professor Sharp. “Oh,” the wires in his head were now connected, “was it laced with Amortentia?”

“Ten points for Slytherin.” Professor Sharp said sarcastically, “ I can’t believe I should tell you fifth years to not eat candies from strangers,” he sighed, “although, I suppose getting one unconscious is the best way to minimize the effects, yet I don’t see the need to bruise the person.”

“Sorry…” you squeezed Sebastian’s hand back.

“Well, I shall leave you all to it.” said the Professor as he walked away from the room.

“You owe us!” Imelda laughed -- The group collectively nodded.

“I think the true lovebirds need some time alone, I’d say.” Natty voiced her friends’ thoughts. They giggled, leaving Sebastian and you alone. You flashed a smile to the group, making a mental note to treat them butterbeer sometime in the future.

You grabbed a hot towel next to the cot, pressing it against Sebastian’s forehead. He winced, “Care to explain this?”

“Natty and I bested you on a duel and… I accidentally used my ancient magic, hitting you with a box?” you grinned, “I’m sorry, I was taken over by my emotions.”

“Emotions?” Sebastian smirked, “What do you mean?”

Your face was as red as a tomato at this point, “Nothing, forget about it!” you were about to get up before he held onto your robes.

“You injured me, I think you owe me an explanation still.” He smiled widely, probably enjoyed seeing you flustered like this.

You bit your lower lip, murmuring, “Do you actually have special feelings for Emma?”

Sebastian faked a gasp, “Perhaps I sense a jealousy?” You glared at him, earning a laugh from the boy, “No, I do not have feelings for her.”

You looked away, lips forming a huge smile. The two sat there for a while, hands intertwined. Sebastian’s thumb stroking your fingers. “So..” he broke the silence, “I believe a compensation is in order for bruising my head.”

You sighed as you leaned forward, planting a gentle kiss on the red spot. You guess Sebastian wasn’t expecting it, seeing how red his face became.

Maybe the days ahead wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[woniverse-writes]

"Moth to a Flame (part 5)"

Bada Lee x Reader

part 4 ⟵ part 5 ⟶ part 6

series masterlist

summary: y/n l/n is the youngest team member of Jam Republic, competing in the second season of Street Woman Fighter. she’s got the sweetest smile and the most vibrant personality, but she also may or may not be the biggest hothead on the show when it comes to defending her teammates. apparently that’s attractive to Bada Lee.

word count: 6k

warnings: swearing, angst, y/n is a little psycho asshole in this chapter, but like- bada.... eeh scary, a lot of plot changes cuz I like playing the victim lol, not proofread, ending was kind of rushed, nothing i write is a reflection of anyone's true character and is a work of total fiction

Shortly after Rie Hata’s message finished playing on the monitors all teams wrapped up their fun and began heading back to the studio to begin preparing for the mega crew mission. They all dry their hair and get changed, reapplying their makeup to prepare for filming again, when the host appears with another message. He congratulates the remaining teams for surviving, and at the mention of Tsubakill’s elimination y/n and the rest of Jam Republic immediately frown. 

Daniel continues to explain the mission and informs them that there will be three different concepts that they have to use, but the way they will be decided is by group discussion. On top of that team Bebe has the benefit of going straight for whatever concept they want without discussion. The three creative prompts consisted of ‘outdoor’, ‘structure’, and ‘all gender’. 

“Ooh we could definitely do something sick with structures” Audrey perked up and her partner-in-crime nodded in agreement before speaking

“Yeah but honestly I think we could do well with any of these…” y/n countered smirking cockily prompting Emma to hum and hold out her hand for a high five.

“I personally feel like we should go for outdoors. I already have so many ideas for what we could do and I know some of you do too…” the leader chimed in, eyeing Ling and Y/n at the mention of other members having ideas. They decide to have their three creative directors be Kirsten, Ling, and Y/n and the three begin coming up with their own separate ideas, with the help of another member. 

When the crew came back together after a few moments of planning and creative briefing, they all shared their ideas. Kirsten came up with the idea of showcasing the beauty of New Zealand since it was most of their crew’s homeland- she wanted to shoot on the beach and have the rocks behind them. Ling’s idea was to take more of an approach that would appeal to their Korean audience, by incorporating more K-pop dance styles and music and shooting in the heart of the city with all the lights in the back. Everyone really liked both ideas, but y/n’s quickly became their favorite when she explained it.

“Okay so this might be too much, and could easily get muddled- but what if we did a sports theme? Like- we each represent a different sport or activity while also representing our culture or background… each of us could get a highlight and we’d all have our “teams” that would dance in our own styles- then we’d all come together in the end as a sort of pep-rally type thing…” y/n finished off the basic ideas of her take, and everyone immediately either nodded or clapped, thoroughly impressed with how quickly she had come up with such an elaborate idea.

“And this is exactly why you’re here girlfriend- forever a genius…” the leader nodded and smiled at her youngest, clapping her hands slowly and appreciatively. It was an idea that could work with all three concepts so the team decided to mark y/n’s as the top choice as of right now.

When all the teams gathered to pick their concept Jam Republic and Bebe were the only groups that chose something other than ‘structure’, Jam Republic sticking to their outdoor idea and Bebe going with the all gender category. After the pink team explained why they picked what they did, it caused Deep n Dap to change their pick to outdoor as well, saying it was because they felt their crew could easily rival Jam Republic, which caused Kirsten to maturely and professionally nod, while y/n covered her mouth and snickered.

After Jam Republic has guaranteed themselves a spot in the outdoor concept, they head back to their team hideout and begin to plan out their ideas in full. Y/n already begins to map out choreography for her and Ling’s sections, while Emma does the same for herself and Audrey, leaving Kirsten and Latrice to pair up. The girls decided to head back to New Zealand and take advantage of the scenery as part of the expression of their members’ culture. It was a nice blend of y/n and Kirsten’s concepts. 

______

Y/n and Bada hadn’t really talked much since they began preparing for the Mega Crew mission, both focusing on their team’s success. Although they still texted daily, sometimes it was only a quick good morning or goodnight, while other times they had fuller conversations.

‘Have a safe flight, text me when you land plz!’ y/n read the message right before she got on the plane. She felt her heart swell at the little gesture of care, hearting the message and replying with a selfie of her in the airport paired with the words ‘thank you lovey, I will <3’.

Jam Republic boarded their plane and took off from South Korea to New Zealand, with many plans already going wrong as soon as the plane was in the air. You see, they had just been informed of how bad the weather was in the area, then about how many of the dancers they called for wouldn’t be able to make it. Each member was responsible for contacting and securing 10 members to come dance with them, explaining how the show would be paying for their trip and all the dancers had to do was show up and give it their best. It started off really well, with each of them actually coming back with more than 10 dancers. Then the weather hit. Flights were canceled or delayed to the point where people wouldn’t make it in enough time to learn the dance. On top of that, their idea to shoot at the beach was totally scrapped due to the intense winds. With the major setbacks of losing over half their dancers and not being able to use their original scene, the girls had to redo choreography and practically start the whole project over.

“This can’t be happening…” y/n was the first to start spiraling, ever the drama queen- but this time it was very justified. All six members of the crew stood in a circle in the middle of the studio floor, eyes flitting back and forth between each other and their leader, who was staring at the floor deep in thought. Kirsten let out a huge sigh and crossed her arms tensely.

“I’m sorry girls… but I really don’t know what we’re gonna do…” the leader ran her hands down her face and let out another deep breath, turning away for a moment with her hands on her hips. At that moment, the youngest realized how serious the situation really was, seeing as her leader wasn’t presenting her usual calm self. Typically when there was an issue, Kirsten was calm, cool, and collected- even if it seemed unsolvable… she always had an answer no matter what.

y/n being the perfectionist she is, began racking her brain for any possible solutions, already feeling her lungs begin to collapse at the possibility of complete failure. On top of being a perfectionist, the young girl also had a pretty bad case of savior complex, feeling like she had to fix everyone’s problems, especially when there was no one else who could- even if she knew that she herself probably wouldn’t be able to fix it either (at least not without bending over backward and bleeding herself dry). 

“No… no we can easily fix this-” all eyes went to the youngest member who ran off to grab all their notebooks and bring them back over to where the crew still stood. She spread them out, riffling through the pages until she found ideas they could use. 

“We can still use the stadium… it won’t be as grand of a scale as we wanted, but that can still work. And- and we can make it related to New Zealand instead of all of our different backgrounds, so it’s easier to put together and less choreography to make up… we can fix this!” y/n was frantically and hopefully (delusionally) explaining her ideas, trying as hard as she could to bring the team’s morale back up. They sat down in their circle and began connecting the ideas, just hoping for the best at this point

Even though the Jam Republic girls were frustrated, they only let it fuel their will to work even harder. It crushed y/n a little to have to scrap her idea, knowing it would’ve brought them an easy win, but she was determined to make their new routine strong. The team had ultimately decided to keep the athletic theme but changed it quite a bit to highlight rugby which was a big part of New Zealand culture. The girls planned on dancing in the bleachers and on the field to portray a Friday night lights feel, or a game- since it technically was still a competition between them and deep n dap.

A few days go by and it isn’t getting any easier for Jam Republic. As much as they try to stay positive, the insane lack of dancers makes it hard to achieve the impact they’re going for. Y/n kept saying how they needed to keep trying to find more dancers, but Kirsten just wanted to focus on perfecting the routine with what they had. The young girl also kept mentioning little ideas and elements to add in order to amplify the concept they were going for, but again the leader was more focused on solidifying the present piece. Y/n ended up getting so frustrated that she would just randomly start tearing up and crying during their breaks, not allowing herself to stop for more than 30 seconds, grabbing a quick sip of water, and then immediately going back to practicing. She thought that maybe if she gave it her all, she wouldn’t be as disappointed in herself when she wasn’t satisfied with the outcome. 

Of course, all of the girls were on edge but they at least were able to put it aside at some moments, still being able to enjoy parts of the process. y/n tried her best not to let her teammates see how anxious and worked up she was, but the girl was so overwhelmed with fear of failure that it would be impossible for anyone not to see it. Which is why it made everything so much worse for her when she continued to go through the rest of the preparation without a single person asking what was wrong. Y/n understood- really, she did. Everyone needed to focus on the end goal, and that meant there wasn’t time to deal with her feelings.

Bada was beginning to worry, seeing as the last response she had gotten from y/n was days ago. The girl had landed her flight and texted the Bebe leader immediately, letting her know she was safe, but also explaining the problems that had already arisen. They talked briefly about how the pink team was likely going to have to restart everything if the weather didn’t ease up. Then a couple of days later, they talked on the phone about the complete concept change and reboot of their whole routine. Y/n tried to keep her stress to a minimum, not wanting to be a burden to the other girl who was also beginning to get stressed. 

It had been many days since then, and she’d texted the younger girl three separate times as well as tried calling her twice. Bada finally got a response the day before Jam Republic would be flying back to Korea for the midterm mission check, where they as well as the other teams would be reviewing each other’s practice videos of the choreography. It had been a somewhat longer text message reading ‘hi. I’m really sorry for not responding at all for the last few days. I know you’re probably just as stressed as i am, so I’m sorry for not being able to be there. Things haven’t been going good over here and I’m honestly really scared to present what we have… but I’m sure everything will be fine haha. How have you been?’

Bada felt her heart clench at the girl’s words, understanding why she wasn’t responding but still feeling a bit upset nonetheless. It hurt her to see y/n try to brush off her stress and redirect her attention so it would focus on caring for others instead of caring for herself.

Jam Republic arrives back in South Korea and heads straight to the studio to film their reactions and judgments of the other teams. They immediately make their way to their pink hideout passing by other crews, but not having time to mingle or really do anything more than smile and wave. The girls were exhausted from the flight, jetlag, and overworking themselves. y/n didn’t even realize team Bebe wasn’t with the rest of the crews when they passed through the lobby.

Bebe sat in their room, feeling more anxious than usual, a bad vibe floating through the air. No one could quite put their finger on it, but something definitely wasn’t right and it was causing all of the members to feel its effects. It officially came time for all crews to review each dance practice video. Each team’s video played one by one and the members had time to fill out the review cards before moving on to the next. 

Bebe’s video played next and the reactions were not positive, to say the least. Everyone seemed disappointed by the piece as a whole, expecting something much bigger- the music was too big of a risk, the props were poorly utilized, and it was overall just too simple. It wasn’t a bad video- it just didn’t meet anyone’s expectations since they were all waiting for some elaborate project, knowing Bada was very capable of doing so. Shortly after, a similar reaction was felt while everyone watched the Jam Republic video.

“They don’t have enough people…” Mina Myoung was the first to observe the team’s lack of crew members. They even paused the video to count how many were shown, seeing 28, which was under the minimum limit of 30 people.

“It honestly isn’t powerful enough… it’s just not impressive” Buckey commented, crossing her arms over her chest. Yoonji sighed and frowned.

“This is so sad… I was really rooting for them” The girl mumbled, genuinely feeling pity for the international team, hoping they’d be able to pull through.

When it came down to voting for the team that should be eliminated, Jam Republic ultimately chose Bebe. They were originally tied between voting for Bebe and Wolf'lo, with y/n fighting her best fight to vote for Wolf'lo because it just didn't look entertaining to her and they had no story or plot.

"y/n…" Kirsten started off in a warning but gentle tone

"We can’t just not pick Bebe because of you and Bada… this is a competition babe." and y/n was kinda hurt by that because she knows how to be objective and she didn't even think she was biasing Bebe- she just personally didn't like Wolf'lo and thought they should be eliminated over any other team.

Then it finally came down to the results. Each team would be given a scorecard showing the comments and feedback they’d received from the others. One card would reveal the team voted as most likely to place first, and another would reveal who was most likely to be eliminated. When Jam Republic opens their card, it felt like all of the air suddenly got sucked out of the room. 

“God DAMN” Audrey laughed humorlessly in absolute shock, as they all stared at the words ‘MOST AT RISK FOR ELIMINATION’ in big bold letters at the top. y/n stopped breathing for a few seconds and she’s pretty sure everyone else did too, seeing as there was not a single sound to be heard in the dressing room. The young girl once again tried to convince herself to think rationally, but couldn’t get past the anxiety and crushing weight of failure that was starting to fill her lungs. She wasn’t even angry, even though she should’ve been because she understood. y/n understood that they didn’t meet the criteria, and their dance simply wasn’t as put together as it should've been, especially in comparison to other teams/

What really got her emotional was realizing that Bebe- that BADA- voted for them too… it felt like such betrayal and she wore that shit on her face like usual. But still- she didn't feel angry, just betrayed and heartbroken, and really fucking disappointed. The more mature and logical side of y/n was still trying not to jump to conclusions because maybe it wasn’t Bada that decided… Maybe it was the same situation her team had going on- maybe Bada didn’t want to vote for Jam Republic but the majority of others did. Y/n truly did understand everyone’s reasoning, but that didn’t make it hurt any less, especially having Bada vote to eliminate her as well

“It’s gonna be okay lovey… I promise” Kirsten wrapped her arm around the youngest’s shoulders and whispered reassuringly to her as she watched her begin to have a mental breakdown. Moments later, the rest of the crew’s ranking was revealed, showing 1 Million in first and Jam Republic in last, but also- Bebe in sixth, the second to last place. Seeing this, Bada sighed and began to have her own slight mental breakdown.

Some teams celebrated their rankings while others sat quietly, reviewing the feedback and pondering what to do. Jam Republic sat in silence as Kirsten read over the comments. Y/n sat by her side with her head in her hands sobbing silently, so overwhelmed that she didn’t know what to do. The entire team was at a loss, and soon Kirsten started crying too, wrapping and arm around the youngest members, who finally let her emotions be shown to her team. The loud cries were the only sound in the room.

Y/n was able to calm herself down after about 20 minutes of crying. The poor girl felt so awful about how things were going feeling responsible for a lot of it- thinking that maybe if she had pushed her ideas a little more, or gotten in contact with more people, or even just tried a little harder, maybe Jam Republic could’ve done so much better. Even though she’s calmed down, tears still flow down her face without her even realizing it. Y/n was never angry at anyone else for their opinions, but now she’s feeling awfully spiteful towards herself. The youngest member was filled with so much resentment and self-hatred, that it immediately sent her into an inescapable depression.

The show writers and staff were cruel. So cruel for making these girls show off their inspiration boards and creative briefs live in front of the other teams. Each team explains their given concept and how they came up with the details to highlight what they chose. While it was much more of a relaxed environment (in the sense that there would be no feedback or ranking based on this), a majority of contestants were nowhere near feeling at ease. 

The members of Jam Republic were able to build themselves back up and put on their game faces while presenting, except for y/n. She really did try her best to not look like she was about to cry at the drop of a hat, but it was no use. The girl was simply not herself. The small girl’s usually bright and energetic personality was nowhere to be found, not once cracking even a hint of a smile- even when Jam Republic received immense praise for their ideas. She didn’t find any enjoyment in the other crew’s presentations, although to be fair she wasn’t really able to focus on them- she just sat there in a daze.

It made everyone nervous to see Jam Republic’s youngest member like this. Her members noticed that she had become even more irritable than before- but now in a scary way that genuinely had them concerned for themselves and everyone else. The girl was calm but you could just feel the rage and depression and resentment radiating off of her to the point it made chills run down your spine.

_________

After every crew had shared their ideas and idea boards, they were allowed to go back to head back to their hideouts to discuss any adjustments or further plans that had to be made before returning to their projects. Jam Republic had to get right back on a plane in a few hours to head back to New Zealand and somehow fix their entire routine, again.

Y/n just finished walking up the staircase leading from the fight zone to the crew lounges, when she heard someone call out her name from closely behind her. The girl turned around to come face to face with the tall leader she had been talking with for the last few months.

“Hey, are you okay? I called your name like three times…” Bada questioned worriedly, her eyebrows furrowed and head tilted as she waited for the younger girl’s response, with wide caring eyes.

“...I'm just really tired” y/n whispered in the meekest voice possible, already feeling her eyes start to sting again, but trying to cover it up with a smile. Bada sighs and pulls her into a big hug, and surprisingly y/n doesn’t burst into tears. The girl continues to try as hard as possible to keep the droplets from escaping her eyes as she squeezes them shut.

“Look… I’m really sorry” the older of the two began resting her head atop y/n’s, but the shorter one felt her body tense at the apology already not liking where the conversation was headed. y/n let go of Bada’s waist and backed away, waiting for the older girl to continue.

“It wasn’t personal… the dance was still very good, and it’ll look even better with all of the ideas planned out!” she finished, referring to how her team had voted Jam Republic as the worst crew. Y/n’s face lost any emotion she had regained, looking empty and exhausted again, making Bada’s skin prickle.

“no, I understand” was all y/n spoke, already trying to disconnect from reality to save herself from crying again or making a bigger fool out of herself than she already has. But Bada is only more upset by the reaction, seeing as y/n just doesn’t seem at all like herself. The girl genuinely looks empty inside and no one on the show has ever seen her like this, in fact- no one in Jam Republic has even seen her like this and they’re all beginning to become extremely worried about her. And even though it’s clear the small girl just needs time and space, Bada decides to keep talking 

“The vote was objective I promise, I don’t want you to think anything personally of it” At the end of the older girl’s sentence, y/n just felt the tiniest bit of a scowl make its way onto her face, feeling pissed off at the thought of someone once again thinking she doesn’t understand the concept of a competition.

“Obviously- I’m not stupid, this is a competition.” the harsh tone that comes out of the younger really throws Bada for a loop because she has never seen y/n speak to or about anyone like this- and it makes her feel sick to her stomach that her first time witnessing it is directed at her.

“I- no, what? Of course you’re not stupid! I just wanted to make sure… to make sure you knew. That’s all.” Bada started off a bit panicked and emotional but quickly was able to calm down and speak rationally, understanding the younger girl was known to have a bit of a temper. There was a long silent pause.

"did you decide on Jam Republic?" y/n asked a bit accusatorily

"Huh?" the older tilted her head, still absolutely confused about how this situation was occurring right now.

"did YOU, as in yourself, Bada Lee, decide to vote Jam Republic as the team to be eliminated, or was it someone else's idea…" There was silence for a moment before Bada sighed then pursed her lips

"We all decided-" 

"but who's idea was it? Did you even argue it? Were you even thinking of anyone else? Or did you just immediately decide and agree that my team should be the next to go?" Bada didn’t say anything as she started to get a little frustrated, but she watched as y/n just scoffed at the lack of response and turned to walk away, rolling her eyes. Bada followed her and pulled her aside, a few feet away from the outside of Bebe's dressing room

"well you voted for my team as the worst, so how is this any fair at all?" the tall leader finally let her emotions take control of her as she shot back with much less frustration than her counterpart, but still irritated nonetheless.

"because I didn't want to vote for you! I fought to vote Wolf'lo over you guys because I know you don't deserve to go home! I understand it from an objective perspective- I promise Bada, I do- but that doesn't make it hurt any less!" There were a few beats of silence before y/n continued

"and it's honestly really infuriating that you don't think I understand that this is a competition-" she finished off quieter than before but still filled with annoyance and betrayal.

"WOAH- now when did I EVER say that??" now it was Bada’s turn to blow up

 "Oh my god- you don't have to say it! You clearly think I'm just here to have fun and make friends!" y/n once again raised her voice, this time rising in pitch as well.

"Why would you say that??" Bada fired back and was immediately met with the calmest tone of voice y/n had spoken in since the argument began, and it terrified her.

"Bada- you haven't seen me as a threat once this entire competition… have you? Not to you, not to your team…" Bada stuttered for a second, completely blindsided by the argument

"where is this all coming from y/n?" the tall girl asked, genuinely concerned. y/n sighed and her eyes softened, shook her head.

"never mind" She turned and went to walk away, but Bada grabbed her by the wrist again and dragged her inside the blue team room, closing the door behind her

"you need to speak to me. You need to communicate with me what's going on right now because whatever you're feeling is totally valid- we had a rough day out there- fuck, we’ve had a rough few days, especially you- but that doesn't mean you get to take it out on me… so please tell what's wrong, so I can try to help." the older girl calmly and gently explained her thoughts and feelings to the girl in front of her, and y/n almost cracked. almost.

“I think it’s best for me to focus on the competition… building relationships clearly isn’t working out to my benefit" Her previously soft and watery eyes, had quickly cleared up within a few seconds, leaving her looking cold and unapproachable again. The response was petty and childish, y/n herself knew that, but she said to hurt Bada. 

why do you want to hurt Bada? She was apologizing, why are you making this harder? You’re being childish and proving everyone right- you’re not fit for this competition, you’re too young y/n and you don’t know how to handle things when you actually need to.

The younger girl’s internal dialogue was emotional and resentful towards herself, but for once, the expression on her face didn’t show how she was truly feeling. The anger and hatred taking over her features wasn’t directed towards the older girl in front of her, which is what anyone witnessing the interaction would assume. y/n could feel her stomach churning and her face getting hot with embarrassment. She didn’t understand why she was acting like this and didn’t know how to get herself to stop.

It felt like hours had passed before Bada spoke again and when she did it was led by an aggressive scoff.

“You can’t be serious right now…” she challenged so calmly that it sent a chill up y/n’s spine, the younger girl’s resolve finally breaking down and it became apparent that she wasn’t actually as tough as she was trying to be. Bada could see the cold glare falter for a split second, watching as her eyes became full of emotion before the younger was able to reel it in again.

“Why wouldn’t I be serious? This is a competition and the only people I should be trusting are my teammates, I shouldn’t be letting my emotions get in the way of things…” y/n responded just as calmly. If anyone else were to be present for the interaction they probably would've froze to death due to how cold the two were being.

“Next time I'll make sure to vote objectively and solely based on what I see in front, instead of trying to think about who deserves to be here more.” she finished with an empty, tight-lipped smile, tilting her head feigning understanding, and Bada let out a humorless chuckle

“God- have you always been this manipulative?” it was her turn to try and hurt the other girl. y/n’s cocky grin dropped immediately and she straightened up entirely.

“Excuse me?” the younger girl furrowed her brows and scowled again

“You heard me…” Bada replied cooly and nonchalantly as if this were any other normal conversation 

“I came to you, apologizing for what I did and your response to that is to start an argument- and THEN when you realize you’re in the wrong, you try to turn it on me?” the older girl finished, voice rising slightly

“I never turned it on you- I said how I needed to focus on the competition and stop being so friendly with everyone, how are you so self-absorbed to think that was about you?” y/n could barely even get her last word out before the other was shouting over her.

“BECAUSE IT WAS- it so obviously was a dig at me y/n, because who else are you close with? Huh??” the volume of Bada’s voice caused the younger girl to flinch, no longer being able to preserve her emotions. The tall girl took a few steps forward and leaned down, getting in y/n’s face.

“Who else can actually stand being around you…” shot after shot fired, Bada was doing a much better job at hurting y/n than y/n was doing hurting Bada. She wasn’t even thinking about how she used to tell herself that she would never be the reason y/n would be crying, and now here she is, feeling satisfied when she sees a single tear run down the girl's face. She wasn’t paying attention to how it sucked all the air out of her lungs and made her stomach turn in disgust, only noticing the minuscule feeling of satisfaction.

“I think it’s so funny how you say that, knowing damn well you get jealous any time someone even looks at me… you know better than anybody that anyone in this fucking place would love to be in your position-” and this caused Bada to let out a loud laugh of disbelief, backing away slightly before getting right back in her face

“Yeah? Then how come nobody even paid attention to you until I took notice… you know that’s the only reason you’re popular, right? If it had been anyone else, no one would’ve cared… admit it to yourself, nobody wants to be in my place y/n- they all wanna be in yours, so maybe think about how lucky you are…” Bada didn’t believe in a single thing that was coming out of her mouth, she honestly couldn’t even believe her own voice hearing how condescending and spiteful the words sounded as they left her lips. She could feel a slight ringing in her ears, part of her brain processing it as a tiny voice screaming at her to stop and that she was making a mistake. But the damage was already done.

Y/n was barely holding back tears anymore, pursing her lips and clenching her jaw did nothing to stop the flow of salty droplets from streaming down her face. Her nostrils flared slightly as she swallowed down sobs and tightly closed her eyes.

“I’m not having this conversation anymore…” she managed to get the words out without sounding horribly choked up as she turns away to leave, hand about to turn the knob as the older girl lets out another dry chuckle.

“Oh so now you wanna act mature? Let me tell you this isn’t the mature way to handle the situation anymore- you don’t know how to talk to people or resolve conflict, in fact you’re NOT confrontational at all, and are really just a scared little girl who’s all bark and no bite. You’re such a child- that’s all you are- is a FUCKING child…” it’s dead silent after Bada’s done screaming at her. Y/n turns around slowly and just stands there for a moment with a blank stare, then lets out the most dry, humorless laugh. It honestly scares the shit out of the older girl, eyes going wide and face paling, coming to her senses and realizing how fucked the situation was. 

Y/n was smiling and laughing, albeit a little psychotically, all while still crying- she had finally snapped, and Bada was terrified. The girl in front of her could easily be a danger to herself, and possibly others in the state she was in, but all the leader could think about was how there was probably no coming back from this. The younger of the two just closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them and nodding at Bada with a tight-lipped smile, taking a deep breath.

“Okay” y/n smiles painfully as tears continue to run down her face- she turns around, swings the door open, and slams it shut as she walks out. The silence that followed was broken only seconds later as Bada heard the sobs that were almost immediately released by the girl who had just left.

y/n hadn’t even noticed the rest of Bada’s team standing around the corner, as she walked in the other direction to head back to her own room. Once she was far enough away, Lusher led the group quietly into their space seeing their leader sat on the couch with her head in her hands.

“Hey…” she speaks quietly, and Bada looks up with an empty look in her eyes, but tries to hide it when she realizes her team is present. Before she can even try to pretend nothing happened, the sub-leader was speaking up again

“We heard everything…” Bada sighed and felt tears pricking her eyes, disappointment and heartbreak finally taking over as she realized how fucked up the things she said were. The younger members sat around their leader and rubbed her arm or leg while they all watched with sad eyes as she sobbed. This was going to be a rough next few days.

notes: i'm so sorry...

taglist (open): @tinybada @angel-hyuckie @violetinferno @jesuschrist2006 @1luvkarina @uwulyn @justandloyal2961 @deadgirlwalking3 @heeheemich @squidvoldyvoid @vivzyo @ouhaika @jksjx @ocyeanicc @marianamartinsthings @jxrdxnh @luvjanexx @lorenztired @khjssss @heavenlycloud @loisje123 @starchasermyloves @zhivaxo @grinnwolph @notyourd0lly @stinkbvgs @nermandiiiii-blog @abllucena @arujee @idontknownemore @thatgayinsomniac @l-a-u-r-a--b @fruitr0llup @cgriffin9797-blog @woooooya @kaaylvst @ssc7514 @astoreea @linda-botello @kpopgirl-97 @erikook @majookim @okjaeminn @misszoldyc @sammisregrets @jysai @moonsvrse @froufrousnowman @amararosesblog @tikitsune @aestrelle19 @laaaasanielzz @randomhoex @tswisal1 @leasha25823 @unpretty-reader @charlesswife

accounts in bold were unable to be tagged

[evergreen-stories]

The Forest Beauty | (Aemond x f!modern!reader) (part 1/?)

Summary: time traveler decides to live her new life out in the kingswood, avoiding the new world she finds herself in until an encounter with a certain one-eyed prince changes her life.

Warnings: dark!themes, dark!aemond, obsessive!aemond, book!aemond, no intimacy (smut starts with part 2), intro and first part are kinda a slow burn to introduce the storyline & character

Non-Canon Storyline: 3 years post war – greens won, Aegon's only son was k*lled and only has two daughters remaining, he cannot produce more heirs, Helaena is alive but depressed,Aemond serves as prince regent ever since Aegon got injured during the war and is chronically sick and getting weaker, Aemond is to inherit the iron throne soon, Aemond k*lled Alys Rivers along with all other strongs, Aemond broke the betrothal to Floris Baratheon when he became Prince Regent and won the war (Also, I'm not a native english speaker, please be patient with me)

Divider @targaryen-dynasty

< intro masterlist part 2 > (coming soon)

You wander around the woods, returning from another day of working in the city and coming closer and closer to your home when you start to feel uneasy, as if you’re not alone in the forest. You stop and listen, noticing the sound of footsteps close by. With careful steps you approach the sounds, noticing a head full of silvery hair between the trees and watching it carefully.

A man with an eyepatch, dressed in black leather clothes and carrying a long, sheathed sword on his hip. You monitor him carefully; his hands behind his back as he is gazing out into the treeline, he seems to be taking a stroll. But this deep within the forest?

You stalk him for a while, trailing his steps as you make sure to stay hidden. Too busy with staring at him you don't notice a branch on the ground, stepping on it and causing a loud *krack* sound.

The silver haired stranger turns around quickly, facing you and making eye contact. You know it's too late to hide now, as his lilac eye meets yours and a wicked smile forms on his lips

“Hello there, little one. Are you lost?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” You say, looking him up and down more closely now. He doesn’t look like someone that should be wandering this deep into the forest. You notice the tell-tale signs of a Targaryen. You’ve heard of them and noticed a few children with these features when you explored the street of silk once. But who exactly was this man standing in front of you right now?

His mouth twitches, eyes twinkling with mirth. “Oh, I am not lost, little lamb. Simply having a nice stroll to take my mind off the stress of ruling. May I ask who I have the pleasure of finding so deep in the woods?”

“No, you may not.” You answer, staying wary of the stranger. You’re starting to connect the emblems on his clothes and scabbard with the ones you’ve seen on royal guards patrolling the city before, this man must be one of the princes. “You should leave. These woods aren’t a place for a pretty prince like you.”

“My, my, my. So confrontational. Why the defensiveness, my beautiful little lamb? Are you hiding something?” He steps closer to you, his voice now has a hint of danger in it.

“No one wanders this part of the woods. You’re better suited closer to the city.” You say, trying to sound more polite than before, quickly understanding the prince might not appreciate the disrespect.

“Ah, yes, no one wanders this part of the woods. Well, that only makes me wonder how a pretty little lamb like you got herself as deep in here as I did. Unless, of course, you are not alone.” His eye leaves yours, scanning along the tree line before stepping closer once again.

“Relax, this is no ambush. Unless you keep on intruding on my space, then it just might.” You say sternly, hoping to play into his paranoia and get him to leave quickly.

“I do so wish I could believe you, little lamb.” His eye still scans over the tree line as his hand falls to the hilt of his sword. “How do you expect me to relax when a beautiful girl like you is all alone in the woods? You couldn’t have gotten this far without help.”

“I have. You don’t think all that dirt and tools on me are for decoration, do you?” You say, gesturing to the axe tied to your belt, knifes dangling off the bag you carry that’s strung over your chest.

“And what exactly did I catch you doing all alone in the woods, little lamb?” His voice is firm now, eye narrowing as he takes a closer look at you, trying to judge you.

You remain quiet for a few moments before deciding to answer truthfully. “I live here.”

“You live here, little lamb?” His eye scans over you once more. “YOU live in the woods?” His voice is filled with equal measures of surprise and disbelief.

“I do.” You say affirmingly. “And I’m not fond of guests.”

“A woman alone in the wild? No man to protect her? No family?” His disbelief is evident in his voice and expression. “I cannot imagine how a beautiful woman like you has endured out here.”

Upset at his words, you feel anger starting to boil deep inside of you. Women in this time are still property to be owned, another reason why you decided to live out here, away from society. “Cut the feigned sympathy. I live just fine out here.”

“But is it really living, little lamb? Living in the wild? Surely a woman of your beauty must desire the comfort and luxuries of civilization. Do you feel no desire to start a family, to have someone care for you and protect you?” His tone seems kinder now, almost caring, although his disbelief is still clear and you cannot shake the feeling of danger coming from him.

Suspicious at his invasive nature you raise an eyebrow. “What is this? A tea party to exchange gossip?”

“Oh no, little lamb. You are a most fascinating creature and you have sparked my interest. I am merely trying to find out more about who you are.”

“I’m not interested in conversation-“

“Now, now, little lamb, we’ve come this far already. It wouldn’t be very polite to turn down a crown prince like this.” His eye narrows, an obvious predatory hint in his voice as his hand tightens on the hilt of his blade. “It’s appalling for a citizen to turn down their crown prince, my dear little lamb.”

You tighten your jaw, nervous at the sudden turn this situation has taken but unwilling to comply with his orders. “I am not a citizen of yours-“

“Everyone is a citizen of mine!” His words are soothing with anger as his patience has reached its limit and he pulls the blade from its sheath. “Now come closer little lamb. I’ll help you back to the city where you belong, where it’s safe.” He begins to stalk towards you, his dark gaze fixed upon you.

You take a few steps back before you turn around and start running, using the the fact you know these woods like no other to lure him away from where your home is before skillfully outmaneuvering him in the thick forest, hiding successfully in a small cave. The silver haired man tries to follow you, you can hear him yell profanities and curse words as he struggles to keep up with you, eventually getting caught up in the thicket and falling behind. "Damn you!" Aemond shouts as he breaks free of the branches and finds himself standing in a clearing with no sign of the little Lamb in sight. Where the hell did she go? Damn this forest. Damn her.

He inelegantly shoves his sword back into its casing, taking a last long look around the scenery before begrudgingly turning around to make his way back to the city.

The rest of his day is plagued by thoughts about her, remembering every single detail about his encounter with this strange, wild little Lamb. She lives in the woods all alone, with no one to care for her? Surely, he thinks to himself, no one would truly want to do that.

She did seem awfully skilled at maneuvering the trees and avoiding my chase. Could she truly be completely alone? He wonders, staring into the lit fireplace of his chambers, his finger mindlessly tapping along the rim of the almost drained cup in his hand. His interest in the little lamb was definitely piqued. He would venture out into the woods to find her again once his duties allowed him to.

time skip / two weeks have passed

Things went back to normal after the encounter with the stranger, you didn’t see him again, but you did make sure to be extra cautious about your surroundings at all times, avoiding all travelers for the time being.

You’re sitting on a boulder in the river, only your ankles in the water as you sharpen your axe using whet stones from the river while waiting for the fish you caught this morning to finish smoking. You’re deep in thoughts as when you notice an unusual rustling of leaves behind you and catch a glimpse of the familiar silver head through the trees.

Here we go again.

The silver haired man had been stalking the Kingswood once again as he had done for several days since he encountered the strange little Lamb the first time. Searching for any hints as to where she lived, so that he could go back and speak with her again.

His hope was running low when then he finally saw her again, sitting in the river, tending to her tools. His heart skipped multiple beats, he couldn’t quite explain why he felt like this.

Still, she is the only one this far into the woods. No one around to protect her, just like when he had met her last time. This woman was a mystery he was most eager to solve. He slowly and deliberately stalked over to her, taking great care to be as sneaky and quiet as possible.

Even though you had noticed him immediately you keep focusing on your tool, pretending you hadn't noticed him as he approaches, hiding behind the last tree that provides him with cover before he would have to step out into the open.

"What is it you want?" You ask after a while, your voice loud and clear while your eyes are still focused on the task at hand. His attempts to remain hidden are more amusing than anything else.

The man was startled but quickly covers his reaction with his typical demeanor, standing proud with his hands behind his back as he steps out of the tree line and approaches the mysterious beauty carefully, as if trying not to startle her. She had quite a sharp ear. Although, he should have known better. If this little lamb had survived by herself in the woods, hearing the noises of the trees and animals was a skill she must have honed greatly.

Once he’s only a few feet away he stops abruptly, contemplating his choice of words before he speaks in a friendly yet stern manner. "You are quite perceptive little Lamb."

He remains quiet for a while. You’re still focused on your tool, not looking up, as you probe him further. "Speak. I know you've been following me for a while."

“I was simply fascinated with your lifestyle after our last encounter, that is all." He comes a few steps closer, enough to look at her properly, but not so close as to make himself a threat. "Why do you live out here, by yourself? Away from civilization and society?"

"Because I wish to do so." You say, now leaning forward to wash off the freshly sharpened axe in the river water.

"But is there no other reason little Lamb? You do not get... lonely? You do not yearn for society or friends? This forest is cold, dark, and dangerous." The mans voice seems filled with what seems like genuine concern for your welfare.

"The forests seem like that only to those who aren't welcome in them." You say, now looking up at him for the first time this conversation. "What do I get out of sharing my life story with you?"

Aemond's eyebrow quirked slightly at your words. Your words were not aggressive but they were not exactly kind or welcoming either. „You get to answer your crown prince a few questions that have been gnawing on his mind for a while. Who could say it wouldn’t be worth it?”

“I could say. The less people know about me, the better. Easier to stay hidden that way.”

Aemond stays silent after she says that, thinking over her words in his head. Stay hidden from what? From whom? What could make her feel that she must remain hidden... "Tell me, my little Lamb. Who are you hiding from?" Perhaps after finding out that one thing, he can put this obsession to rest.

"Men like you." You answer, now shifting your attention back to your tools, reaching back into the river to fetch out another whet stone to sharpen a big knife now.

"Men like me?" His eye narrows. " I am no threat to you. What could possibly have led you to believe that? You are alone so deep in the woods and I have not shown you any hostility... yet."

"No hostility?" You say laughing. "Chasing me with your sword was what then? A local friendship ritual I’m not familiar with?"

"Oh, I was simply trying to get you to stop and talk to me. That is all." He says, a small smile gracing his lips at her words. He found her laughter quite endearing.

“Didn’t work very well now, did it?”

"No I suppose not," His smile grows slightly, he finds this strange little Lamb's demeanor quite intriguing. He was never great at interacting with women, but this one seemed comfortable in his company, at least somewhat. Even if she was also incredibly untrusting and suspicious of him, or of men in general. He looks at her intently, savouring her smile as he knows his next words will wipe it right off her face again.

“I want to know more about you. I will not leave until you tell me more.” He says and as predicted, her cheeky smile gets replaced with a frown again.

“I told you, I won’t-“ he interrupts her quickly, almost pleading with her, “I know, I know. But I need to know. I cannot rest at night. I will not tell anyone about you. Whatever you tell me, it will not have any consequences, I swear it.”

You sigh deeply, pondering his words. You couldn’t care less for telling your story, the possibility of sharing too much lingering in the back of your mind. Then again, perhaps this is just what you needed. Sharing a bit of your true self with someone after having to carefully craft a fake persona and uphold it for the past two years. “Fine then. What is it you want to know?”

His eyes light up at that statement as he takes his time deciding which one of his many questions he should ask first. “Your accent, it seems out of place. Are you not from here?”

You immedily begin to regret your decision to talk to him, struggling to find a way to phrase the truth in a way it doesn’t sound too outlandish. “No, I am not. I come from a land far away, you wouldn’t know it.”

“Did you come alone?”

“Sort of. I came here with others but they… forgot me. Or maybe they are just unable to return. I wouldn’t know.”  You say, looking out into the flowing river as you remember.

“Forgot you? Why would your family just forget you?”

“They weren’t my family. They were… people I knew. We went here and they left, never to return, at least not until today. They probably told my family I died.” What had they told your family? You often wondered it. The changes of the seasons and moons made it easy for you to tell how much time had passed here, in this world. Did as much time pass back home? Was your family even informed of what truly happened or were they waiting back home for a sign of life that would never come, with no way of knowing your fate?

Aemond is quiet for a while, processing this information. “How long have you been here?”

“I’ve been here two winters already, the coming one will be my third.”

“THAT long?” He blurts out, mind racing. “You have survived here alone all this time, out in this forest, with no family or friends? How?”

A slight smile tugs at the corner of your lips, amused by his disbelief. “Yes, I have. I’m friendly with some of the farmers around here and some merchants. I was fortunate, really, that I was stranded here with a few tools and a bit of money.”

“That could not have been enough to make you survive here. The winters can be hard, as can be nature itself. I don’t know a single woman that would be able to survive like this even with all the tools in the world.”

“I suppose you’re right.” You shrug. This is your normal, all you knew for most of your life, you often forget just how unusual it really is. “I come from a family of farmers. We lived far out, away from civilization, and I learned a lot about nature that way. I am, or was, my parents only child. I spend many years of my childhood in the forest with my dad. He was an avid fisher and knew all the ways around the forest, while my mom taught me all about her knowledge of herbs. She was a healer of sorts.” 

Your smile returns as she recalls all her fond memories of home. Oh, how you wished you’d never left the farm. “They bred, trained, and sold horses too. I was strapped to a saddle on my own horse before I could even walk.”

His face shifts from one of shock to one of sympathy. He could tell by your words and the tone your voice takes that you missed home dearly. “And you have no way back?”

“No.” You state plainly. Do you? Truthfully, you do not know, but you surely hope you do.

“Why? If I give you coin for passage, can you go back home?”

“I’m afraid its not that easy.” You huff, struggling to make up an answer to this question. “Unless they come get me, I have no way back. I… I’m done talking about this.” You say, now shaking your head.

He wants to press further but understands he shouldn’t, not if he’d like to keep you talking. “Well then… What are you planning to do here then? You can’t just stay out here forever.”

“Why not?” You conter. “I’ve gotten comfortable out here. I know my way around the woods and can survive quite well out here. I’ve come to appreciate my little life out here quite a lot, actually.”

“Is this really life or is this survival? What about finding a family of your own, what about children?”

You sigh deeply. “I may not have answers to all those questions yet, but I do now I’m content here for now. I have no duties here, no bills to worry about. I just need to figure out my next meal and get to enjoy nature the rest of the time with all the peace and quiet it offers me.”

The change of topic strikes a chord in you, one you didn’t realise was as sensitive as it seems to be. The prospect of having to live out the rest of your days in this time is one that seemed more and more realistic and the question of what you would actually do for the next twenty, forty, sixty years of your life was one burning in the back of your mind more and more frequently.

“I’m done talking for today. You may leave now.” You dismissed the prince, frustration growing inside you.

He is not happy about this, his expression shows this as much as the tone of his voice. “Leave? I just arrived. You can’t just send me away.”

“I do not wish to tell any more stories.” You state. Just as he begins to talk again you turn to face him quickly, looking at him for a few seconds before proposing a compromise. Maybe you just needed some time to gather your thoughts and calm the inner turmoil you can feel bubbling deep inside your chest right now. “How about this: If you can find me again, I will answer you more questions. Anything you want.”

His jaw clenches as he lets out a long sigh. This is not how he wanted this conversation to end but he could tell from her expression that she seemed exhausted and the prospect of getting to ask anything he wanted seemed tempting enough to agree. “Fine then. I will seek you out again soon, but I will not rest until I have all my answers. You must swear you will not avoid me again.”

“I swear it.” You answer, a reassuring smile on your lips. “Have a safe travel back, my prince.”

She had been speaking so freely all this time that hearing her address him properly caught him off guard for a moment. He stands still in place, watching her a bit longer, before begrudgingly turning around to leave after bidding a small goodbye.

As he walks away you turn around slightly, watching the swaying of his silver hair until it disappears completely between the trees. A long, deep sigh escapes your lips as you resume your tasks for the day, thinking about all the questions he asked and what you really wanted from your life now.

You were honest, you did love your life as it was now, but sometimes the solitude did get to you as well. A craving for the love and closeness your family had brought you. As much as you cursed the prince when you had first met him, maybe having his attention on you could be a good thing after all.

He thought his mind would be calmed after speaking to her but to his dismay, the opposite had happened. His head is filled with questions still and worse so, genuine worry about her wellbeing. Yes, his little lamb had survived well by herself, but the confirmation that she was truly alone out there was deeply unsettling to him. When he is laying in bed that night, he realised just how little he knew about her. He didn’t know where she lived – did she have a house or did she sleep under the stars? He had never even asked her name. What would it be? If she is from far away, it surely was exotic.

He keeps tossing and turning that night, the picture of her smiling face filling his mind, even more so when he closes his eye, as if he can see even clearer when the world isn’t distracting him. He tries to sleep but he swears he hears her laugh, still as clear and comforting as it had been when he heard it the first time. A sound so sweet it could lull him to sleep, if only there wasn’t the gaping emptiness next to him, reminding him of your absence, of the fact you’re all alone out there. If something happened to you tonight, would he ever find out? He could not bear the thought of it.

His night stays restless. He falls asleep again and again, dreaming vividly about the way your cheeks rounded when you smiled at him, about the freckles on your nose, the small dimples that appeared under your cheeks when you smiled and over your lips when you pursed your lips in dismay at another thing he said.

It was improper, he knew that much. For a prince, the heir to the throne, to be so enchanted by a forest dweller. Nevertheless, his heart skipped a beat every time he had laid his eyes on her. His mind went back to think about all your interactions at every chance it got, even in the midst of important meetings. He was a devoted and proper man; he knew better and yet, something about her felt so fundamentally right that a future without her seemed wrong.

When the first rays of sunshine broke though his windows he had made his decision. He would go to see her again and this time, he would not leave her behind. He could not. He will find her and bring her – well, where? Somewhere, anywhere he knows she is safe, where he knows he can find her whenever he wants to see her. He will figure it all out, he will find a way to make this work.

His feet soon carry him through the castle, unaware of where he is going until he finds himself in front of two wooden doors. The kings, his brothers, chambers.

Currently editing the next part, that one will be 18+! Second series about Aemond x reader coming soon as well (currently proof reading chapter one)!

[fatallyfalling]

Bitter Water 0.03 ~ ♆

“ Let the 67th Annual Hunger Games begin, “

{{ finnick Odair x Reader }}

{{ previous part || next part }} {{ masterlist }}

warnings: typical Hunger Games violence/trauma/themes, language, blood, injury, insinuation of forced prostitution, enemies to lovers, slow burn, death, nightmares, etc

{{ word count }} 4.5 k

{{ prompt }} The tribute Parade comes and goes as training begins and the next two weeks all but fly past. Then after an intrusive interview the day of the Games arrives.

{{ outfit visuals }} Here

{{ a/n }} Super quick “highlights” up ahead !! This chapter jumps around a bit and is much faster paced than normal but i swear it makes sense in the long run I just didn’t want to bore you all with regurgitated details to be revealed later on. enjoy!!

You didn’t see Finnick again.

Not even after arriving in the Capital on the train platform. A small piece of you had started to regret your outburst, but a bigger part was too stubborn to admit that. Besides, the likelihood of you seeing the boy again was slim. Thatcher was right in saying you’d be “whisked away” because everything moved incredibly fast from then on.

Your transport to the Tribute Center was quick and efficient. You were barely able to settle before a prep team all but kidnapped you and whisked you away once more to the Remake Center to prepare for the parade and opening ceremonies of the Games.

The prep team’s techniques were invasive, to say the least. Almost every inch of your skin was examined, prodded at, scrubbed, washed, plucked, waxed, moisturized, and polished when they finished the lengthy cleaning process. Even The dried blood under your fingernails had been picked away. As more time passed, the more you really did start to feel like some kind of show animal or “prize-winning salmon” leaving a sour taste in your mouth.

Managing a weak thanks as you’re handed a flimsy gown to cover up with, your prep team gives a nod before leaving. That too-clean feeling from the train ride sends pinpricks up your spine again as you sit up to slide the gown on and peer around the sleek room. It’s wide open and similar to some kind of medical bay, although much more modern than the small clinics back in District 4. Peacekeepers line the outside wall along slanted windows. There are many smothered voices behind plastic, vinyl curtains used to separate the small prep rooms down the open corridor. It’s safe to assume you’re surrounded by the other Tributes.

A stylist introduces herself to you as Hyacinth, briefly explaining the vision behind the luxurious garment as it’s pulled from a protective sleeve on the hanger in her hands. Every set of Tributes was given costumes to match their District’s core industry to wear throughout the parade. District 4’s costumes, obviously, represented their many fisheries. The garment was difficult to distinguish from any other fishing net made on your ports back home, but as the stylist began to wrap the intricate material around your exposed skin it began to look more like a costume.

You were right about the ensemble being mostly netting. Thankfully, you were provided a bodysuit that had been airbrushed to match your complexion and painted details to resemble gills across the sides of your ribs. Large iridescent blue-green fish scales had been woven in and across the netting on your chest as if splattered there, crawling up your collarbones and wrapping around your shoulders. More scales were placed down your arms towards your fingertips, and the same process was applied to your legs with a sticky substance. The bottom of the netted costume had more scales adorning the hemming, their colors changing under the lights. You were left barefoot, which you felt was a bit dangerous, but you were too focused on their intricate handiwork to object to. Your hair was left in its natural texture, although Hyacinth laid a few pieces just how she wanted them. Ear cuffs made to resemble fins wrap around the shell of your ears. Your makeup was painted on in colors to match the color-shifting scales, and your fingernails and toes were painted an ocean blue.

“You look absolutely stunning Darling,”

Hyacinth had stepped back to admire her finished product, and you couldn’t help the insecurity churning your insides. A bathing suit revealed more than a netted outfit, but you couldn’t help feeling completely exposed. “I-It is very beautiful. Thank you,” You try not to stumble on your words as you do a small twirl in the mirror. Hyacinth’s smile spreads, and she gives a giddy clap of her hands, largely appreciating the flattery.

“Wonderful Darling!! Now, come, come, we must get you downstairs. Your chariot awaits!”

You’re ushered away from the small prep room and quickly transported from the Remake Center to an open-air stadium for the Tribute Parade. Upon entering a large open hall connected to the stadium floor, you notice the twelve shiny mental chariots pulled by beautiful inky Clydesdales. The horse’s mane and tails are freshly groomed, and their coats shine in the stadium lights. You can’t help thinking what magnificent creatures they are as you approach. The other Tributes around you are resigned to themselves, talking only to their stylists or one another. Your district partner and their stylist are already beside your chariot as well. You offer a small hello but wander over to the beautiful inky-colored creatures attached to the chariot.

One of the Clydesdales gives a soft whinny as you gently reach out to stroke its mane. You’d only seen horses less than a handful of times but had always admired the strong creatures. The remaining minutes you have before the opening ceremonies begin are spent stroking the horse’s strong neck and muzzle while whispering sweet nothings to the creatures.

Once an announcement is made that the ceremony is about to begin, you give the horses a sweet smile in farewell before stepping up onto the chariot beside your District Partner. You hadn’t noticed the odd look they’d given you, but their eyes quickly averted upon you meeting their stare. That familiar anxious knot twists your insides as the gleaming chariot lurches forward to follow the procession. Your knuckles turn white from how stiff your grip on the front of the chariot is.

The parade runs smoothly, though you find the loud cheers and hollers of the hundreds of thousands gathered to watch the event extremely overwhelming. Bitterness sets in your jaw as you remember they only care about the entertainment your death will provide. Your promise echoes through your mind as you take your eyes from the grandstands to look ahead toward the President of Panem, Coriolanus Snow.

You will not die.

Training begins in the morning, bright and early. There’s officially less than two weeks before the Games. All twenty-four tributes are transported to the Training center from their quarters and dressed in nearly identical uniforms consisting of black athletic long sleeves and pants with sleek black combat boots. Burnt orange accents run up the side seams and across the shoulders of their uniforms. The only distinction between Tributes is their district number embroidered on their backs in the same burnt orange as the accents on their clothes.

You scan the large training area as everyone spreads out to show off their personal strengths. Shifting your weight between your feet, you try to focus on your brief discussion with mags over breakfast. The goal of the training is to be observed by potential sponsors who can send aid in the arena. The more sponsors you get, the better your odds of potentially surviving. Your goal wasn’t to gain as many sponsors as possible by showing off but instead focusing on honing your skills to survive without the extra gifts. With a deep inhale, you make your way to a tall rope course that stretches the expanse of the upper levels of the hall and get to work.

The first few days spent in the Training Center, you work on getting through the ropes course, then getting through the course with weights, then doing both things while being as light-footed and silent as possible. You try to distance yourself from the other tributes, especially the growing pack of careers. Your best bet is to blend in and remain invisible to keep others off your back. Tensions increase after the first week, and a fight inevitably breaks out between the careers. Two female tributes are arguing for power within the alliance, ending in the pack dividing in two. You can only hope the grudges they now carry become their downfall in the arena as you resume your knife-throwing practice.

You’re not the best, but you manage to at least hit the target a few times. By the end of the next day, you’re hitting the target, although nowhere near the center or any crucial extremities on the human cutout. It would be enough to slow an opponent but nothing lethal at long range. You tried to push away the bile that threatened to rise in your throat whenever you remembered the high possibility of actually facing another human being with these knives. You hoped it wouldn’t come down to that, but your rationale knew better. The claim you spat in that bronze-haired boy’s face rang in your ears.

“I’d rather choose death than a life with blood on my hands.”

You scrape by with a score of six during the private Tribute Showcase, nimbly traversing the ropes course with a heavy weight on your back with barely a sound. Your goal of staying under the radar had worked.

Tonight, Hyacinth was fawning over another luxurious garment designed for your impending live audience interview with the ever-charismatic and flamboyant Caesar Flickerman. The stylist monologues her vision while zipping the back of the ensemble. Your costume tonight was made to represent the sea itself, a deep aquamarine bodysuit covered in various droplet crystals hugging your form, and a makeshift cape of the same deep color fades into layers of progressively lighter sea greens and blues, mimicking the sea foam of rolling waves on the coast. The many layers of the waterfall cape move in a satisfying cascade down your back to the floor, trailing behind you.

You’re given slim boots to match the bodysuit, and your hair is pinned up to showcase your bare back and the excessive cape. Ear cuffs nearly identical to the ones you wore during the parade wrap around your ears, and your makeup is honed more to accentuate your natural features than cover them. The polish on your fingernails is a muted sea green that causes a twist in your chest. The color reminds you too much of a certain bronze-haired boy.

Regret flashes through you again.

“Alright, Darling, shoulders back. Head high, you’ll be a spectacle no one will look away from,” Hyacinth coos as she brushes the fabric across your shoulders and adjusts finishing minute details. You offer a small smile with a sweet thanks before she loops your arm in hers and leads you toward the wings backstage. You really weren’t fond of the many cameras or prying eyes that awaited beyond your shadowy safe haven out of view, but you didn’t have a choice but to smile and play the part.

The male Tribute of District 3 is wrapping up their brief interview, and that anxious knot contorts harshly inside your chest. Soon, the interviewer and interviewee stand, shake hands, and the Tribute exits stage left.

“Now, Our next Tribute hails from the northern end of our beloved District 4,”

Caesar chirps through his introduction, and a nudge from behind urges you forward at the call of your name. You startle forward but manage to keep a sureness in your steps. The bright flashing lights and mechanical snaps of cameras form an overstimulating cacophony between the roar of the Capital citizens. The host of tonight’s event is adorned in sparkling silver, from the top of his slicked-back hair down to piercing eye contacts and a monochromatic tux that you could’ve sworn was closer to chrome from the gleaming shine.

You offer a wavering smile as you approach the host. Caesar Flickerman motions you to the seat beside him as he descends to the eggshell-colored swivel chair. You take your seat, adjusting the cascading cape to flow over the arm of the chair to remain because of the audience. A chorus of “ooo’s” and “ahhh’s” reverberates through the auditorium, and you can’t help the burning flush at the tips of your ears. “You look absolutely stunning tonight, my Dear,” Caesar compliments through a picture-perfect smile. You nod in thanks as he dives right into the questions.

“So, how has Capital life been treating you?”

“Uhm, it’s been very.. different, to say the least,” You stumble a bit through your response, but Caesar simply nods and leans out to the crowd with that picture-perfect smile and a laugh. “Well, what’s the most?” and a chorus of hoots and laughter rises from the audience again. Your faux smile falters, and your hands wring together in your lap anxiously. “It’s just more..extravagant than back home, is all. More colorful.” You reply shakily. The host nods in encouragement before moving on to the next question.

“Well, a little birdie whispered that a certain Sweetheart of the Capital arrived with you on the Tribute’s train. Our beloved Finnick Odair, one might say. Correct me if I’m wrong, but is there possibly a star-crossed lovers situation on our hands?”

Your blood runs cold as the phrase leaves Flickerman’s lips. He’s leaned forward, clearly on the edge of his seat, with the microphone pointed towards you, and the auditorium falls deathly silent. Your throat feels tight as all you do is stare in pure disbelief. “W-What?” You choke out, bewilderment on your face as your ears flush red from a burning embarrassment in your chest. The audience scoffs in disappointment at your response, and your confusion grows.

Caesar’s expression shifts as his smile falters, his eyes all but telling you to answer or make something up so he can move on. You stutter in reply while firmly shaking your head from side to side,

“No, no! It’s nothing like that at all. Honestly, I find him more irritating than anything. Besides, I’d never fall for a stuck-up Peacock like Finnick Odair in a thousand years!”

Your embarrassment turns into anger at the question as the audience groans in further disappointment, a few “Boos” echoing through the rafters above. However, much to your dismay, a few conspiring whispers slip through under all the noise that signifies your words weren’t taken as truth. This makes your blood simmer as Caesar barks a laugh, slapping a tanned hand on his silver knee.

“Ah hah! Well, that’s a mighty claim my dear, but I’m not so sure you’re well believed seeing that blush on your cheeks!”

Your jaw sets as you sit through two more equally ludicrous questions about your life before you exit the stage and return to your living quarters for the night. Upon returning to the Tribute Center and changing out of your ocean blue costume with the help of Hyacinth and her team, you immediately sink into the heavenly warmth of the large tub in your private washroom. However, not before receiving a thorough chew out from Thatcher over your once again “unprofessional behavior” when answering Caesar’s questions and for apparently “disrespecting” the Capital’s Darling.

Gently, you scrub yourself clean but remain in the comforting heat and steamy air till the water is frigid, trying to soak in the pleasuring warmth as long as possible while enjoying the brief privacy the washroom allows. Eventually, you drain the tub and towel yourself off, slipping into soft, lightweight bottoms, similar to the ones Finnick had thrown at you on the train, and an oversized short-sleeved tunic.

Finnick.

Unwanted pinpricks of regret stab your chest again, and a crease forms between your brows as the remembrance of the bronze-haired victor brings the interview questions surging back to the front of your mind. You grip your toothbrush tighter as you try to push away the embarrassment from earlier tonight. You didn’t know or understand how a rumor like that could even be an inkling in someone’s mind. You didn’t even see the boy at the station platform, and what business was it of a bunch of old snobby Capital Elites to reach after the love lives of children picked to slaughter one another in less than a day? Your stomach churned uncomfortably at the thought.

Once you finished preparing for sleep, you pad your way over to your bed and find a comfortable seating position before flipping through a few of the ‘sleep aids’ with a small metal remote. The floor-to-ceiling windows in your luxurious, Capital-provided, bedroom flashed between different sceneries till you landed on one of the waves crashing on a foggy shore. The muddy sand of the beach drifted under the lull of the tide. Occasionally, seagulls cawed from the clouds above.

You knew you should be doing something with your last night of so-called ‘freedom’ before the Games begin tomorrow, but all you can do is stare at the waves. You wonder how your siblings and father are faring like you have every night since your departure from District 4. You could only hope they were learning to adapt with you being gone. Trying not to spiral over your fate, you drag your hands down your face to scrub at your eyes with a heavy sigh and thick swallow.

“I can do this…”

You mutter the mantra to yourself as you internally review the strategies Mags had made you memorize. There weren’t any clues given as to what the arena entailed. Rumors had been overheard in the Training Center, but the Gamemakers never repeated an arena. There could be anything in that dome of death tomorrow. The waves continue to crash on the screen, the whistle of a breeze blowing through the tall pines just beyond the beach that helps keep you grounded.

You could do this. You had to. Your father’s only word in farewell echos like many others.

“Survive,”

The morning comes too soon. You didn’t touch much of your breakfast even though you know you need as much energy as possible. Mags gives a pointed look your way, and you begrudgingly force a few bites down. Afterward, Mags, Hyacinth, and you are escorted by peacekeepers to a flight hanger near the Tribute Center. You receive an almost bone-crushing hug from your mentor that you graciously return with equal vigor.

“Thank you, for everything”

You murmur into the older woman’s hair. You feel her tears dampen the tunic covering your shoulder. Forcing yourself to pull away and wipe the tears from the elderly woman’s face as she signs her care for you. You offer a sweet smile and other thanks before a Peacekeeper takes your arm and leads you onto a hovercraft. Hyacinth follows, and you're pushed into a seat.

“Your arm,” The Peacekeeper orders while reaching out their hand. You hesitantly reach out, and they quickly place a device with an abnormally large needle into your arm. You grimace at the sting as a trigger is tugged, and a small glowing object appears beneath your skin. Your arm is dropped, and you place two fingers lightly over the slight bump caused by the device. “Don’t touch that. It’s your tracker.” The peacekeeper remarks, and you startle, returning your hands to your lap. The flight is long, but you don’t doze off as adrenaline pumps through your core. Tucking stray flyaways behind your ears, you look across to Hyacinth, who offers a solemn smile. The hovercraft eventually lands, a group of Peacekeepers in stark white uniforms meet you, and you’re quickly led to a small room.

The room is bare bones with only a rack containing your uniform for the Games, a small desk, and an overhead lamp. Two peacekeepers stand guard outside the door, and Hyacinth helps prepare you one last time. The uniform doesn’t give much away about what to expect of the arena besides its colors. Consisting of dark brown hiking boots, slim-fitted pants with multiple pockets in burnt umber, a warm brown skin-tight tank top, and a lightweight khaki-colored windbreaker. The possibility of a dry, warm climate arose in your mind as you examined the materials of your uniform. Hyacinth gave you a sad smile as she fixed the hood of your jacket.

“Good luck my Darling, it’s been my pleasure to know you.”

The stylist’s smile is sad, tears brim her eyes, and you can’t help feeling emotional. This was it. She would be the last person you saw before the Games began. You wrap your arms around the tall woman in a hug, surprising the stylist, but she gently accepts and returns the gesture. You give her your thanks before an announcement comes through a speaker somewhere in the room that the countdown is about to begin. With a thick swallow, you step towards the glass elevator indicated to ale you up into the arena. You hesitate, a shaky inhale entering your nose before gingerly stepping onto the panel. The glass door wraps around with a slick “shink” and your whirl to face your stylist. But she’s already left the room, probably unable to watch another one of her tributes enter the thunderstorm of the Hunger Games arena.

You don’t blame her.

A moment passes before the platform you’re standing on begins to rise, and your gaze turns skyward. The light is bright, causing your sensitive eyes to squint. You take note that you’re at least in an outdoor setting. The air that kisses your skin is dry and warm as your platform fully breaches the earth into the arena. Your head swivels as you take in the surroundings as a bright yellow countdown has begun in the sky above via hologram.

The arena of the 67th games was a ravine.

Half the tributes are spread on your side of the steep, open-mouthed drop, the other twelve across the wide mouth on a parallel cliff. There are trees behind, but there are no weapons because they’re all in the center across a woven net. The footholds are wide. If you’re not careful, you’ll trip and either plummet to the rushing water miles below or succumb to a Tribute’s attacks. Weapons and supplies are placed on a tarp in the center of the woven bridge. The Cornucopia. Maybe things would be over sooner than you thought.

The countdown is halfway.

Wetting your lips, you take a glance down and fight the urge to vomit, hearing someone else already do so over the side of their podium at the descent less than a foot from the cliff edge. Layers of cliffs jut out in makeshift ladders and walkways with alcoves to possibly hide in, but you quickly realize the only source of fresh water will be the rushing river at the bottom of the ravine. Glancing back up, you quickly try to stop the blanking panic in your mind as you try to recall everything Mags had taught you. Your best bet was to run. You can use your jacket as cover and get to the bottom to hide while everyone is too busy risking the crawl to the weapons. There was bound to be edible plant life at the bottom, or worse, you hunt for something better on the way down.

Ten seconds left.

Nine,

Eight,

Seven,

Six,

Five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One,

“Let the 67th annual Hunger Games, begin.”

A bell sounds, and all hell breaks loose. No one yells, only the fierce grunts as Tributes race for the Cornucopia. You don’t see your District Partner, but you don’t stay static long enough to see the carnage that ensues as you bolt in the opposite direction. Two other Tributes bolt after you but veer straight into the trees beyond. Your heart feels like it’ll burst from your chest as you sprint down the edge till you find a slope to take you down. Falling to a slide, you slip down to another cliff as the first canon booms.

twenty three left.

Two more canons burst through the arena as you continue your rocky descent. Children are screaming above you, and you hurl what little substance is in your stomach as a body falls in front of you with a sickening crunch. The blood splatters across your skin, and you bite back your terrified scream. You have to keep moving.

Another canon.

Twenty left.

You dare take a glance behind and luckily manage to escape unnoticed. But you don’t hold hope on that factor as loud snaps reverberate down the canyon. Someone was cutting the net to the Cornucopia. There’s more screaming as you nimbly jump from the rocky slab you stood upon down to a jutting-out cliff, narrowly avoiding a fall to your demise. A pained scream catches in your throat through gritted teeth as your shoulder makes contact and you roll across the red earth. A dampness coats your tongue with a metallic taste of copper. Blood.

Forcing yourself to stand, your knees nearly fall out from under you, but you remain upright as you take another running jump to an even lower rock platform. By now, someone shouts above the screaming, “Go that way!” and you force yourself to move faster. You don’t have time to see what the voice originating the order meant. All you know is you have to get away. You land chest first on the edge of the cliff, and the wind is knocked from your chest. Blood splatters on the gravel, projected from the cough of air escaping your lungs. It’s an effort to pull yourself back up over the edge, slipping on sliding feet for a foothold on the rock wall, but you manage. There’s the crunch of boots above, and your terror amplifies tenfold as a spear shoots past you down to the depths. “S-Shit..” you gurgle on blood as you take off running once more, choking down small gasps of air that never seem to reach your lungs.

You can’t stop.

Another canon goes off and you hear another body fall to the depths, following another grotesque crunch of bone and muscle on rock.

Nineteen left.

A metallic clatter fills the expansive cavern of the ravine, and you spare a fleeting glance above just as the netting of the Cornucopia plummets. Metal cases, weapons, backpacks, and other supplies become entangled in the tarp they had rested upon as debris falls. Cases shatter and clang on the many cliffs. You do your best to evade the sharp debris but aren’t fast enough as a blade slices across the back of your left leg. You’re brought to your knees by the searing pain but again force yourself up, barely remembering to grab the small blade and continue your descent. White hot pain shoots ribbons through your entire leg, but you keep moving, albeit slower than before. Two more canons.

Seventeen Tributes left.

Seven children already dead.

You could only hope your canon wouldn’t fire anytime soon.

Another canon, sixteen left.

You will not die.

{{ taglist }}

@emerald-09 @reader-bookling123 @finnickodaddy @thehairington86 @darlingsoulbeautifulthoughts @avoxrising @meri-soni-meri-tamanna @whens-naptime @violettbae @the-lonely-abyss @secretsicanthideanymore

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

First Time!February- Fic 6

Soft!Dom Lee Know x sub!fem reader

Requested by: this is all me baby

Content Includes: angst (a lot of it), reader is depressed and insecure about her lack of experience, slow burn, kissing, praise, crying, unprotected sex (don't do it), fingering (f receiving), oral (receiving), body worship (receiving), slight humiliation, fluff, virgin!reader, nipple play, cum play, comfort sex, corruption kink, possessiveness, hand-holding, aftercare.

I don't feel the themes I've written in this fic are 'toxic' but I'm not sure it's healthy either so just read with care.

Word Count: 4.2 K

The mug of tea was warm in your hands as you felt Lee Know sit down next to you on the couch, his hands cupped around his own as awkward silence filled the air. 

‘It’s um…been awhile since we last saw each other’ Lee Know commented, taking a sip of his tea as he gazed down at you. 

He didn’t know why he invited you to his place, he didn’t know you well, you were a friend of a friend that he has only spoken to a handful of times at social gatherings, made small talk here and there. 

‘Yeah, um at the party’ You chuckled awkwardly, Lee Know watched your body language, your posture was slumped and your shoulders drooped. 

‘I’m surprised you remembered me, I look very different dressed up than when I wear normal clothes’. 

The quip was light-hearted but it didn’t reach your eyes, the eyes he remembered that were bright and lively when he last saw you. 

‘Ahh, you gotta try and camouflage yourself more then, I was able to spot you right away in the store’ Lee Know joked half-heartedly, his eyes crinkling at the outer corners and smiling slightly at the giggle that filled the room. 

His stomach twisted lightly when you finally looked directly at him since sitting on the couch, your face was pale and he noticed how blotchy your skin looked, like you had been crying…and a lot. 

‘So…’ You raised the cup to your chin, blowing on the liquid lightly before taking a small sip, gulping before you spoke again. 

‘How are things with you? You seeing anyone?’ 

Your voice cracked at the end of the sentence and furrowed your brow as you cringed, hoping Lee Know didn’t notice how shaky your voice was. 

He didn’t reply right away as he watched your features and how you looked at him, he wanted to ask if you were okay but he didn’t know how, didn’t want to make things weird. 

‘Good…things haven’t changed much’ He took a sip, exhaling before speaking again. 

‘And no, I’m not seeing anyone, I’m too busy’ He held the mug on his thigh as he watched you again. 

‘You?’ 

The tightness in your throat came back at the question, your chest hitching as your fingers clenched around the mug of tea. 

‘No…course not…and I’m alright’. 

The light went off in Lee Know’s mind as he took another sip of tea, bingo…he thought as he held the mug of tea in his hand, shifting his legs so his body was facing you. 

‘You don’t look alright’ He supported his head with his arm, leaning it on the edge of the couch, his lip pursed in concern. 

‘What?’ Your voice pitched in tone, eyes widening at how straight-forward the comment was. 

He leaned in slightly, eyebrows furrowing as he thought about his answer, trying to refrain his response in a way that was inviting and not condescending. 

‘You don’t look alright’ He repeated with a soft but firm tone, speaking as he placed his mug on the table. 

‘You look…troubled, what’s going on for you?’ 

There was a lingering pause as you watched each other, an array of emotions spreading across your face as you pondered whether to be vulnerable or not. 

His words felt genuine and his eyes sparkled with kindness and concern, he was here to listen and that’s something you hadn’t had in awhile. 

‘I just’ You took one final sip of tea to quench your throat before staring into the mug. 

‘I’ve been alone for a while now and it just…hurts’. 

The confusion was rampant in his body as he watched you place the mug on the table, moving to face him now as you twiddled with the hem of your cotton jumper. 

‘But you have friends right? People to talk to?’

Your eyes rolled as you dismissed his answer, your eyes misting up and your bottom lip starting to quiver. 

‘That’s not what I mean…’ 

His heart ached at seeing you tear up, you looked so defeated and he was a bit surprised, shuffling his body further towards you by an inch, leaning his chest in. 

‘Do you mean like a…boyfriend?’ 

The moment dissipated with a shaky exhale, your eyes blurring with tears as you sniffled. 

‘Yeah, I’ve never been in a relationship’ A sob strangled itself from your chest, still gazing down at your lap. 

‘And I don’t know why, I don’t know why someone doesn't want to be with me’. 

You couldn’t see the shocked look on Lee Know’s face right now but it did graze his features before he attempted to blink it away. 

Yes, he hadn’t thought of you in that way before…

But you had a great sense of humour, bright eyes and a sparkling smile, why would you think that about yourself?  

‘I’m…I’m sure that there’s someone out there who likes-’ 

‘No!’ You interrupted him, wiping your eyes with the sleeve of your jumper as you shook your head. 

‘I don’t think there is, I’m 24 and no one has said anything Lee Know, I’ve asked out guys before and been rejected, no one has ever seen me that way before and I don’t know why and I just-I just feel so left out, I feel so left behind’. 

Lee Know hurriedly reached to grab the box of tissues from the coffee table, holding it to you as you pulled out some and wiped your nose, watching you catch your breath with shaky inhales. 

‘There’s nothing wrong with never being in a relationship at your age though’ His voice was low and sincere, he wasn’t touching you yet but he was close too, moving just a little bit more so both your knees were brushing against each other.

‘Everything happens differently for everyone, there’s no need to rush’. 

He hesitantly reached his fingers out as he brushed them against your knee, attempting to offer you some sort of comfort with his words and presence. 

‘I don’t know if this will help but you don’t need to compare yourselves to others, it’s okay to set your own pace and take your time with these things’. 

He was glad he invited you back to his apartment now and that he followed his intuition, he could feel you begin to relax around his space and that brought comfort to him. 

‘I know-I just’ You sighed out, wiping your cheeks before scrunching the tissue into a ball. 

‘I don’t know why guys just don’t find me attractive, I’m not ugly and I have a great personality? Is there something about me that guys just don’t like?’ 

There was no deceit in your eyes as you asked that question, you were completely genuine and wanted a serious answer from Lee Know, you weren’t sure what he could give you, you just wanted him to give you something. 

‘Um’ He cleared his throat, his eyes staring at the coffee table as he pondered, unable to think straight with how sad and fragile you looked sitting next to him right now. 

"I don’t know about other guys’ He said, glancing back at you. 

‘But I think you’re a great person’ He reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. 

‘And you’re very pretty’ He peered down at you, the corner of his lip tilted up in a half-smile. 

He watched as you gazed up at him through your lashes, your cheeks reddening from the sudden compliment. 

‘Really?’ You sniffled, complete disbelief in your eyes. 

‘Of course’ Lee Know’s eyes narrowed in mischief, his hand moving up to rub your shoulder lightly. 

‘Why would I lie?’ 

The remark made you giggle, your teeth flashing in a pearly smile as you lightly held onto Lee Know’s wrist. 

‘There it is, I got you to smile finally!’ 

A few small chuckles were shared as you leaned in to place that hand on the outside of Lee Know’s thigh, gazing up at him with adoration. 

‘Thank you, I feel so much better now’. 

‘I’m glad, I couldn't have you leave here all sad’ He spoke with warmth as he brushed the strands of hair out of your eyes, his nose almost brushing yours. 

He could feel your fingers trace the outside of his mid-thigh and his chest tightened from something even more, his eyes drawn to your tear-stained cheeks and ruby-coloured lips. 

Something stirred in you too as anticipation began to build in your stomach, flickering your eyes to his mouth before looking at him again, silently giving him your permission. 

‘I don’t know if this is-’ 

‘Please, Lee Know…it’s okay’

The whininess of your breath sparked a sense of curiosity in his mind as his mouth lightly grazed you, his lips pressing a weary kiss to your mouth. 

A shaky gasp was exchanged as you leaned in, supporting yourself with your hands as you kissed him again, this time it was firm and your lips parted with a loud noise. 

Lee Know’s hands clutched at your waist as he immediately pulled you in for another kiss, this time it was wet and heated, slotting your bottom lip between his mouth. 

It was over before he began as Lee Know pulled away from you breathlessly. 

‘I’m sorry-I shouldn’t have’ He moved to the edge of the couch, shaking his head,

 ‘I’m sorry’. 

Your mind shut off before you could think rationally and you felt yourself scrambling over to Lee Know. 

‘Please…don’t stop’ You pleaded as you wrapped your arms around your neck as you hovered over him, your legs almost straddling him. 

‘I want this’ You panted out, you were already breathless and your heart was racing. 

‘I need this, I need this so much Lee Know…please’. 

He could feel you trembling under his hands as his cheeks became flushed from how you were already breathless from the few kisses exchanged. 

‘I-I don’t want you to regret this’ He responded, his brain already losing any sense of logic as your hands cupped his face, stroking his cheekbones. 

‘I won’t..I just want one time….pleeasse’ Your voice cracked, you could feel your eyes tear up again with how badly you craved more. 

‘I won’t tell anyone, I’ll leave afterwards…you don’t even need to see me again, you can just forget about me’ You fisted your hands in his t-shirt, tears wetting your lashes. 

‘Just this once. I just want this one time’ You words were strangled with tears, attempting to compromise and bargain with your body, your heart. 

Twinges of guilt ran through Lee Know as he stared at your teary, pleading eyes. 

You sounded so needy right now, clingy and desperate. 

And he felt guilty for how turned on he was right now, your touches and words already clouding his mind. 

‘This is what you want?’ His voice was low and his eyes darkened, his fingers rubbing up your sides. 

‘For me to make you feel better?’ 

Your arms tightened around him as you nodded, fingers stroking the nape of his neck. 

‘Yes, I do, yes’ You ended the moment by leaning down to press your mouths together, sighing as Lee Know deepened the kiss, tilting his head to the side. 

He pulled himself up so he was sitting upright, grabbing your legs so you can straddle him, his hands squeezing your arse and causing you to moan into his mouth. 

Lee Know’s thoughts wandered as he kissed you more, your hands were frenzied and your kissing technique was slightly clumsy and off-kiltered. 

He called your name out and stared up at you deeply, tilting his chin up as he halted you still against him. 

‘How long has it been since someone has touched you?’ 

He felt your body stiffen under that question and you looked at him as if you were a deer in the headlights, your face filled with embarrassment. 

‘What do you…what do you mean?’ You answered coyly, though it wasn’t really working. 

‘You know what I mean’ He raised his eyebrow, smirking with his eyes. 

‘How long has it been since you were last with someone?’ 

An exhale of defeat left your body as you responded sheepishly. 

‘I’ve never…’ Your words trailed off as you shook your head. 

‘You’ve never had sex?’ His voice filled with surprise as his eyes widened at your response. 

‘No…I’ve tried, I’ve made out with guys before but nothing has ever happened, I just haven’t felt comfortable enough until now’. 

You could see the hesitation in Lee Know’s eyes at your honesty and you couldn’t, you had already humiliated yourself by practically begging Lee Know to fuck you…why not just throw you entire dignity on the line while you’re at it? 

‘But I want too with you, I really, really want too’ You were too embarrassed to look Lee Know in the eye so you settled for nuzzling your face in the side of his neck, your fingers clutched against his arms. 

‘I’ll try and make you feel good…I promise, I just want to experience this at least once in my life’. 

You cringed internally at how whiny and desperate you sounded in your mind, stooping to this level to be touched and appreciated. 

‘Can you stand up for me?’ You heard him say, feeling your heart drop as you unlaced your arms, reaching back and shakily standing up in the living room. 

You couldn’t look at Lee Know as he stood up after you and you almost braced yourself for the rejection, for him to say that he couldn’t do this, that he didn’t want you anymore. 

You heard him leave your side, his steps leading away from you and you glanced up at Lee Know with a pensive stare when he called your name. 

He tilted his head to the hallway and reached his hand out to you. 

‘The bedroom is this way’. 

…

Your eyes gazed up at the ceiling as you felt Lee Know gently pull your pants down your legs, dropping your ankle at a time and you were left in your bra and panties. 

‘You’re so beautiful’ He spoke softly to you, his fingers gliding along your naval and watching your skin prickle under his touch. 

‘Thanks’ You murmured as you could feel your body wanting to curl around itself, your knees dropping to the side as you stared at him, noticing how toned his bare chest was. 

‘You’re quite handsome yourself’ 

‘Oh, I know,’ Lee Know smirked, leaning down to hover over you as he adjusted your legs, lightly nudging them apart with his knee. 

‘A handsome man for a pretty girl’ 

He pressed his mouth to yours before you could say anything, trailing kisses down towards your ear. 

His lips on your neck had your back arching from his touch, a sigh of pleasure escaping you. 

‘God, you’re so sensitive mmmh? I’ve already got you moaning for me’. 

You were spaced out already and could only respond with a whine, his lips dusting your collarbones and his fingers near the hook of your bra. 

‘Can I take this off?’ He asked, there was an air of caution around you but you nodded, more insecure about your body than anything else. 

Your breasts were flushed and your nipples already hard, he couldn’t help but take one into his mouth, swirling his tongue around and moaning as your hands clutched his hair. 

‘I want to cover you with my marks, I want to make you mine’ 

He breathed out before paying attention to your other nipple, his free hand softly kneading your breasts. 

‘Please, do whatever you want’ You breathed as you writhed lightly under his touch, secretly wanting him to bruise you with his kisses so you could remember this when you leave. 

‘Oh, you’re letting me have control?’ Lee Know spoke in-between kisses down your naval, his tone sickly-sweet with a slight condescending tone. 

‘Such a good girl’. 

His hands traced around the seam of your panties, pulling them as they snapped back against your hips, smirking as you jolted. 

‘You’re so cute’ He praised with a low tone, pulling the band of your panties down your hips just an inch, staring at you with a dark, almost primal gaze. 

‘Can I pull these off?’ 

You nodded at Lee Know with hazy eyes, you could feel yourself become more wet at the anticipation of what you were about to experience. 

He slowly pulled the panties away in a teasing fashion, watching them slide down your thighs and removing them one ankle at a time. 

Lee Know’s gaze was intimidating and the thought of having someone so close to your heat caused your legs to snap together, a huff of disappointment filled the room. 

‘Don’t hide from me okay? He reassured you gently as he grabbed your knees and opened your legs. 

He slid your legs back down again as he laid in-between your thighs, his arm strewn over your hips as he anchored you to the bed. 

‘Fuck baby, look at you’ He moaned out in awe as he looked down at your pussy, your sensitive and touch-starved body meant you were dripping wet. 

‘So much for me to taste’ 

‘Awww!’ You moaned out in pleasure as Lee Know spread you out and placed a light kiss to your clit before licking a long stripe from your entrance up to your clit. 

‘Mmm, I knew you would taste so sweet for me’ He murmured against you as he paid all the attention to your clit, drawing circles around your clit before sucking it between his teeth and repeating the motion. 

Your whines and moans filled his bedroom as he ate you out with precision, your thoughts wandered to thinking how was he so good? How many girls had he done this too? 

Lee Know’s groans vibrated against you as you clutched your fingers in his hair, his arm pressing against your stomach which only enhanced the pleasure. 

You reached your peak rather quickly, cumming on his face within minutes of him touching you. 

‘Mmmm, you really needed that didn’t you?’ He pulled his face away, his mouth shiny with your slick and a look of accomplishment on his face. 

‘Please…I just, I want you now’ You pleaded out, reaching your hands out and making ‘grabby’ motions to him. 

‘Not yet, I need to use my fingers, get you extra wet for me, do you think you can handle another one?’ 

You already felt so dazed out and overwhelmed from the stimulation but you weren’t going to say no to more pleasure, you wanted to draw your time with Lee Know out and make it last. 

‘Okay, just one more’. 

‘Good, I’m going to make you feel so good’ He told you as he settled his face back down to your crotch again. 

A yelp left your mouth as you felt his tongue against your clit again, feeling his fingers scissor and spread inside of you, your hips arching against his face as you felt him touch areas you didn’t even know existed. 

‘Lee Know!’ You whined out as you came for the second time moments later, your mind blanking and the world becoming blurry as you came down from your high. 

The world came into focus as you felt Lee Know hover over you, he was now completely nude and you could feel the heaviness of his cock against your entrance. 

‘You’ve had my mouth, are you ready for my cock?’ He gently nudged your legs open and wrapped them around his hips, his hair flopping into his eyes. 

‘Please, I’m ready, please’ You whined out, tears misting your eyes again at how much you wanted him to be inside of you, jutting your hips against him as you clutched at his shoulders. 

‘I need it, I need you, I want this…I NEED this’ Your tone was desperate as you looked at Lee Know with pleading eyes, your brow furrowing as you attempted to pull him against you even more. 

‘Shhh’ He pressed a light kiss to your mouth, trying to reassure you and supported himself on his elbows, 

‘I’m going to give you what you need but you need to breathe, I’m going to go slowly’. 

You stared into Lee Know’s eyes as he first entered you, your hands gripping his biceps and shaky gasps leaving your body as you felt him stretch you. 

‘Fuck’ you murmured into his mouth as he kissed, breaking the kiss as you tilted your neck up and just felt, you just wanted to FEEL this moment of him stretching you. 

‘You’re so tight, you feel so good’ He spoke through clenched teeth, exhaling in relief as he bottomed out. 

‘Stay…just stay inside of me for a second’ Your fingers gripped his shoulders as you looked at him with misty eyes. 

‘I want to feel you, let me feel you for just a moment’. 

Lee Know’s hips stilled inside of you, leaning down and pressing a reassuring kiss to your mouth, one of his hands holding onto your thigh. 

‘Okay’ You tapped his shoulder and nodded at him, reassuring him to move. 

‘I’ll be gentle’ He told you again, slowly pulling his hips, gasping as he pulled out and moaning lightly as he slowly pushed in inside of you, beginning to create a slow pace. 

The moans slowly began to build as Lee Know set the rhythm, the intimacy of the moment building and your excitement growing at having someone touch you this way. 

‘You feel so good, you feel so good on top of me, thank you, thank you’ Your voice hitched and tears began to swell in your eyes again, overcome with gratitude. 

Lee Know’s mind swarmed with confusion and overwhelm as he felt you pulsating around him, your body wrapped around his. 

He didn’t love you but he loved having you underneath him, praising him, how desperate and needy you were and how much you desired to be with him. 

‘You like the way my cock feels inside of you?’ He grunted out, his hips snapping against you just a touch more firmly, groaning at the effect your sounds had on him. 

‘You love the way I feel on top of you?’ He panted out, admiring your fucked-out stare and your hands running up and down his back. 

‘Ahhh-yes! I love it-Mmm!’ Your head tilted back on the pillows, eyes closed and lashes fluttering from how good you felt right now. 

It was more than just having Lee Know fuck you, it hurt but you wanted it too, you wanted to feel the soreness and see the marks to remember this moment. 

And Lee Know’s heart filled with pride at knowing he was the first the fuck you and he wasn’t even that. 

You were exposing every fibre of being to him, he could see your heart in your desperate eyes, you were so quickly willing to give him every part of you. 

He hadn’t experienced this before, he was certain he’d never experience this again. 

‘Be mine’ He panted out as he removed his hand from your thigh, roughly removing your hands from his back and pinning them beside your head, his fingers clenched tight around yours. 

‘I’ll fill you, I’ll fill you every day, I’ll fuck the sadness away, I’ll be your first’. 

His thrusts accelerated and the snap of his hips against yours resounded in the room. 

‘Say it. Say you’ll be mine’ He demanded, his voice lowering and the softness of his stare leaving. 

‘I’m yours, I’m yours Lee Know, all for you’ You whined out, his thrusts bordering that line between pleasure and pain, you were sure your hips would bruise under his touch. 

Lee Know finished inside of you with a cry of your name, his cock spasming inside of you and his face buried in your neck, unclenching your fingers and dropping his hands against your sides. 

You both stayed silent for a few minutes as you both tried to catch your breath, your fingers raking through Lee Know’s sweaty hair and enjoying his warmth inside and on your skin. 

Lee Know ran his arm down your body and shifted to pull his cock out from inside of you, both of you wincing from how sensitive you were. 

‘Are you okay?’ Lee Know’s voice was soft again and his gaze filled with kindness. 

‘Mmm, I’m good.’ 

‘Do you want some water?’ He asked nicely, caring for your well-being. 

You didn’t realise how parched your throat was until now and your voice was all croaky. 

‘That’ll be great, thanks.’ 

Lee Know rolled onto the other side of the bed and you watched as he grabbed his briefs and put them on, standing up with a groan and leaving the room. 

A pang of anxiety was starting to pool in your stomach as you shuffled around looking for your underwear, keeping your thighs close together so his cum didn’t drip out of you. 

You were putting your pants on as Lee Know entered the room, his face looked at you in confusion. 

‘Where are you going?’ He asked, putting the glass of water down on the bedside table. 

‘I’m leaving…it was just one time right?’ You asked wearily. 

He sauntered towards you, tilting your chin up with his thumb so you could look directly into his eyes. 

‘I said I’ll be your first right? Now that you’re mine, I want to be your last’. 

This will be the longest fic in the series and it took me about 4 days to write this because I prefer to write more detail when it comes to angst.

The rest of my fics are going to be light-hearted and fluffy as.

Thank you @creativechaoticloner for the Lee Know banner!

If you would like to be included in the taglist, comment down below. 

Taglist: @destiny-fics @umbralhelwolf @starsareseen @hipster-shiz @creativechaoticloner @cherry-0420 @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @scuzmunkie @mrcarrots @reighlee-greaves @junieshohoho @partywithgyu @kodzukein @whatsk-poppinhomies @yeosdarling @hologramhoneymoon @dilucpegg3r @marievllr-abg @craxy-person @itbtoblikethatsometimes @gyuhanniescarat @staytinyinmybpack @thirstybchanstan @necessiteez @softquokka @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @hijeongguk

[runnning-outof-time]

K!!! I love your new theme!! 🥺❤️❤️

Awe thanks so much, Flor!! 🥹🥰❤️

It’s December (which is the start of the cold(er) months for me) so I decided to decorate the blog accordingly. I took the photo earlier this year so it’s not from this winter, but it’ll have to do because we’ve (thankfully) not gotten snow yet.

I’m so happy you like it!

[peachesofteal]

Alone

Chapter 1. Part eight of the Sassy series.

Simon Riley/female reader 2.1k words - AO3 Warnings-tags: 18+ Minors DNI (no smut but this fic has mature themes) PTSD, angst, brief reference to torture, relationship issues, soft dad Simon. You're empty handed and alone.

The sound of the second hand clicks repeatedly in the silence of the room, the tick- tick- tick- filling the dead air as you blink at the woman who sits in an armchair diagonally across from you, leather bound notebook spread open on her knee, fancy pen relaxed in her grip.

“And how have you been sleeping?”

“Fine.” You answer, and she gives you a raised eyebrow in response. You’re still uncomfortable in this room, this chair, this situation, but it’s begun to feel more routine now, although no less invasive. It always feels like she’s got you under a microscope, the pen digging around in your brain, rifling through the images of your nightmares and sweat soaked sheets, the terror from your dreams hard to distinguish from the reality of your memories.  

“How about your son? How old is he again?” The mention of Theo distracts you and makes your heart feel warm, the image of his smiling, giggling face pulling your own lips at the corners.

“He’s a happy, perfect little boy. Just turned four.” The doctor scribbles something down, and you shift in your seat. “Starts primary school next year.”

“Is he in nursery school?” Nursery school. You always forgot they don’t call it pre-k here.

“He is, yes. Loves it. Makes friends easily.”

“Any changes to his mood or behaviors?”

“No. I mean he has his outbursts. Tantrums, but it’s all normal kid stuff.” Silence falls over the office again. The minute hand moves like molasses towards your goal, three in the afternoon, and you casually sneak a glance at your watch, hoping maybe the office clock is slow.

“We still have ten minutes, Mrs. Riley, unless you want to call it here?” Shit. You grimace apologetically, trying to shrug it off.

“Sorry, I just ah… forgot I have to pick something up down the street, before I grab Theo from school.” You lie without a batting an eye and watch as she scribbles something else into her notebook.

“Very well. We can add the extra time on next week, if you’d like?” No. 

“Sure, that’d be great. Thank you.”

You stand with your hands shoved in your pockets, toeing a crack in the sidewalk while you wait for the front doors to burst open with excited faces, when kids will sprint headfirst into the arms of their caregivers, parents, nannies, or whoever.

Step on a crack. 

Your phone buzzes with a text message, the second one from the restricted number to come through in the last hour. You ignore it.

Break your mother’s back. 

“Mum!” Theo’s squeal breaks through the haze of the afternoon, and you look up to see him skipping down the stairs, carefully, before breaking into a run, little red backpack bouncing behind him.

“Bug!” you settle on a knee, arms open to give him a hug. His heart beats like a hummingbird in your embrace before he pulls away, babbling a mile a minute, enthusiasm spilling over about the singing rhyme they learned today.

“head, sh-woulders… knees an’ and toes!” He shrieks, stomping his feet with glee. You curl your hand around his for the walk home, and he chatters up to you, announcing the timeline of his day and casually calling out the colors and sizes of things that you pass. You press him into your hip on the far side, away from the road, casually scanning the street with every glance. Every face, every set of eyes that looks up or over at the two of you has your own narrowing, your fingers itching, your brain calculating. You tally every vehicle, count every body, all while keeping Theo’s little hand firmly in yours and nodding along to the story he’s telling you about his favorite activity from this afternoon. A block over, a man is yelling on the other side of the street into a cellphone, and a car is idling on the right. A woman hurries by the two of you with her head down, and a group of older kids from school are laughing and joking around where they’re huddled on the sidewalk ahead.

The world shudders and shakes around you, your vision vibrating around the edges for a moment before your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you release the breath you’ve been holding through your nose.

“Mum?” Theo tugs. You blink, and then smooth a palm over his head.

“Sorry baby. What do you want for dinner?”

You’re mid dinner cleanup when the doorbell rings, and you press your fingernails into your palms.

“DAD!” Theo screams, and sprints to the door in his socks, feet slipping against the polished wood floor.

“Hey, don’t run in the house!” You yell after him, but it’s no use. There’d need to be an earthquake to keep him from his dad at this point. He stands on his tip toes, trying to reach the door handle, and you lean over him to help, twisting the knob and pulling it wide.

“DADDY!” he screams, again.

“There’s my big lad.” Simon chuckles, and he bends down as he pulls the balaclava off, wrapping a giant arm around your baby’s back and pulling him up into his arms. Simon buries his face against Theo’s, eyes slamming shut as soon as he makes contact. He doesn’t move from the doorway, just stands there, holding his son as tightly as he can without hurting him. When he relaxes a bit, Theo wraps his arms around his dad’s neck, laying his head down onto his shoulder. Sweet, angel boy, you think as you watch the two of them.

“Hey, Sass.” Simon clears his throat, and you give him a nod, fingers tightly interlocked with one another.

“Hey.” You mutter. He closes the door, checking the lock while still holding Theo to his body, strong hand pressed to his back. Theo pushes against his chest, hand coming up to pat his cheek gently, face full of love and wonder as he stares up at his dad. You draw a deep breath and hold it for a long few seconds before releasing. “Theo, it’s going to be bedtime soon but there’s time for a book, if you want?”

“Daddy can read me a story?” Theo asks, eyes wide and hopeful. Simon places the boy on his feet, and you bend to brush some wispy bangs out of his face and give him a kiss on his cheek.

“Yeah baby. Daddy can read to you tonight.”

“Say goodnight to mum.” Simon instructs, and Theo wraps himself around your leg while you press another kiss to his forehead, an extra for good measure.

“Night, baby. I love you.”

“Luh you.” He says, but he’s already pulling away, a hand outstretched towards where Simon stands a few feet away, studying a blank spot on the floor. Theo latches onto him, trying to drag him down the hall and up to his room, stumbling over words trying to fill his dad in on everything he’s been doing. Simon gives him soft replies, the deep gravel of his voice drifting up the stairs as they creak under his feet. You disappear back into the kitchen, lungs burning with the new breath that you’re holding, and your hands find the soapy water of the sink again, dipping beneath the surface for the sponge, scrubbing and scraping the pot that you used earlier clean, over and over until the stainless gleams and your fingers start to prune.

“I want you to talk to me.” Simon pleads, a hand on the edge of the doorframe. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Si. I’m tired.” Your voice is low, a whispered attempt to avoid waking Theo. He looks over your shoulder to where the guest bed sits, before he finds your eyes again. 

“Please. Come to bed. Our bed.” You shake your head back and forth violently, and his hand reaches out for you. “Let me hold you, please Sass, I-"

“Stop it.” You hiss.  

You scrub the pot a little harder, the steel wool biting into the skin of your hand.

“You know what happens next, right?” The man smiles in your face, dirty teeth and bad breath nearly making you gag. He holds your head up by your hair, your scalp screaming when he tightens his fist. The blood crusted knife in his left-hand glints underneath the single, dim light that hangs from the ceiling. You close your eyes. 

Your skin is soft from the water in the sink, and the wool digs deeper, metal scraping against metal the only sound outside of your labored breathing. The pot is perfect and shiny now, restored to its former glory, but you don't stop. 

“I don’t want this.” He says, following you down the hall. You laugh bitterly. 

“It’s always about what you want, isn’t it.” You spit in response, and he pulls up short, steps faltering to a stop behind you. He says something softly, something under his breath that you can’t make out before you duck into Theo’s room, emptying the dirty laundry bin into your basket. A sob tries to force itself through your mouth, the pressure in your body nearly erupting when you cover your mouth with your palm and scream. 

The wool grates against your fingers uncomfortably, pulling you out from your own mind. You busy yourself with mindless things, putting the plates away and loading the drying rack, folding the dish towels and wiping down the stove. All meaningless tasks serving as a distraction, anything to take your mind off the fact that Simon is upstairs right now, probably holding Theo in his arms, kissing him goodnight and telling him how much he loves him. Your chest aches, and you force the mental images to disappear.

You’re still in the kitchen when you hear him on the steps nearly an hour later, and your throat goes dry when you feel him on the edge of the room. You don’t have to turn to know he’s there, the electricity in the house shifting across the two of you, an impossible tether that crackles and sparks every time without fail.

“Went down fine.” He says from behind you.

“Thanks.” You swallow.

“You didn’t answer your phone.” Your shoulders immediately tense, muscles stringing taut as you turn to face him, before you force yourself into a relaxed position, palms pressing against where your back leans on the counter.

“I was busy.”

“You need to answer your phone.”

“I’m not a dog. I don’t come when called.” You snap. “I don’t have to do anything.” He takes a half step into the kitchen, eyes dark and pointed, burning down into you.

“Sass.” His voice is low, a warning. You know the tone; you’ve heard it dozens of times before. You scoff and twist back around, mindlessly reaching for a glass, a dishtowel, anything to distract you. “Sass.” He says again. “It’s hard to co parent if you don’t answer the phone.” You bite down into your cheek until pain blooms across your mouth. You want to scream, want to turn around and throw the glass across the room, shatter it next to his head. Instead, you take a very deep breath and count to ten.

“He misses you.” You change the subject. Your voice is hushed, like you’re telling a secret, like you’re saying something the two of you don’t already know. What you don’t say lingers in the air between the two of you, untouched.

“I know.” Is all he gives you in response, and you say nothing, the silence settling over the two of you for what must be hours. He sighs, long and loud, and then turns to leave without another word. Something simmers beneath your ribs, beneath the scar on your side, beneath your heart. A million emotions pinch across your skin, drawing goosebumps to the surface and you shove it all down, packing it away where it doesn’t exist anymore. You whirl and step out of the kitchen, putting yourself just a few steps behind where he makes his retreat, shoulder blades shifting beneath his shirt when he pulls the balaclava over his face. When his hand finds the doorknob, he half turns back to you, the thoughts flickering across his eyes unknown and alien, a concept that once felt like an impossibility.

“Goodnight, Sass.” He says lowly, and you nod.

“Goodnight.” You whisper.

The gleam of his wedding ring mocks you as he shuts the door behind him, the click of a key in the lock echoing inside your empty house, where you stand in your living room, empty handed and alone.

[lalachat]

"And there you were..."

Author's note: HI! This is my very first fan fiction, along with my first time writing. I do not expect anyone to read this, nor do i expect this to blow up. This is simply just a thought i had in my head that I wanted to write down. If you are reading this I will and fully apologize for any grammar issues or typos. Again, I have a lot of learning to do so if this lacks flow or has too much filler let me know... KINDLY!!! Emphasis on K I N D L Y! I love and appreciate anyone who is planning on reading this silly lil story i wrote. I do plan on writing more chapters for this... hopefully some smut later on if this gets enough attention👀 ANYWAYS, I will be quiet now :)

Summary: Your mating bond had snapped for you as soon as you saw the shadowsinger, but he was too busy pinning after the second eldest Archeron sister to notice the bond. After watching them pin for one another, you decided Az would be happier with Elain. However, Mor has an idea to get Az to notice you. A night at Rita's with a scheme made by Mor goes south when you catch the sight of someone you haven't seen in years.

This is for all my Lucien girlies❤️

Warnings: um none? basically filler bc i'm a newbie at writing:) use of some profanity, alludes to sexual theme

Word Count: around 3,200

Chapter 1: "DID YOU JUST BITE ME?"

Lucien POV:

And there you were... standing next to the High Lord of the Night Court, drink in hand as your head tilted back in laughter. You looked even more beautiful than the last time he saw you. The only difference now is that he had found his mate, but he could not help the bubbling of old feelings trying to resurface themselves. Cauldron burn him because he was damned, and he knew it. As soon as his gaze met yours, he knew he was ruined.  

Y/N POV:

You were completely unaware he was here. You were too preoccupied with nursing your wine and talking with your favorite high lord to notice his lingering eyes on you. Mor had sent you on a secret mission tonight. It was your sole purpose while being here at Rita’s. The dress Mor gave you hugged your curves in all the right places, showing enough skin but keeping some left to the imagination for others. The plan was simple enough, try to get the attention of your mate and make him jealous. It sounds terrible, but it was the only way to get his attention on you. However, as soon as you got there, his gaze never met yours. You saw Az off in the corner, eyes strictly on Elain as she talked with him. Completely blinded by her beauty, Azriel's bond never snapped for him. This was your last ploy before letting him be happy with Elain. You knew Az would never see you in the light that he saw Elain in. You figured he would be much happier with a female like her anyways. Luckily, Rhysand had spotted you before you could turn away and called you over next to him at the bar.

“Ah well if it isn’t the lovely y/n showing up late as always,” Rhys said smirking handing you a glass of your favorite fae wine.  

“For your information, Rhysand, Mor came to my room at the last minute with a complete wardrobe change. Where is she anyways?” you said as you glanced around the room taking the wine from Rhys’ hand with a smile. 

“Well, I must say she has fabulous style. You look stunning y/n, but as of Mor’s location... I lost her to the dance floor as soon as we walked in. You know how she is.” Rhys rolled his eyes playfully as he sipped his own drink.  

“I should have suspected that answer” you laughed. “I am assuming the rest of the group is somewhere on the floor too? Should we go join them and show them our horrendous dancing my high lord?” you teased with a smile and bow. Rhys gasped and placed a hand on his heart. 

“Oh y/n, how you offend me! My dancing is quite fabulous if I say so myself!” 

“Yes Rhysand, your white girl dance moves are fabulous. However, mine put yours to shame, and you know it!” you say as you down the rest of your wine and offer him your hand. Rhysand’s eyes twinkle as he finishes his drink and takes your hand before leading you to the dance floor. He spots Feyre with the rest of the inner circle on the floor, near the corner where Az was with Elain. Feyre’s face lights up as she sees you. 

“Y/N!!!! There you are! We have been wondering when you would show up! Even got my mate out on the dance floor. I applaud you!” as she gives you the biggest hug. “You look exquisite!” Feyre says as she leaves to see her mate. 

Mor hears Feyre say your name, and she instantly runs over to you. “Look at you!!! I knew that dress would be perfect for you! SO worth the last-minute change because you look fucking hot!” She spins you around and pulls you closer. She lowers her voice to where only you can hear. “He has been glued to her side all night, but it is nothing we cannot fix, hm?” she says with a hint of playfulness. You look behind her to see Nesta and Cassian dancing alongside Rhysand and Feyre. Your heart falters at the sight of both mates enjoying one another’s company with laughter and smiles. How you yearned for something like that. They were both cauldron blessed. Mor followed your gaze and sensed your uneasiness. She smiled at you. 

“Do not falter y/n! We have a mission, and it is now on! Let us go be the badass babes we are and have some fun” as she takes you over to the rest of the group to dance. She positions you purposefully close to Az and Elain. You are both giggling as you twirl one another around to the music, tipsy off the amount of alcohol you both consumed. Everyone was getting lost in the music. You and Mor could not stop laughing at each other. Throats and bellies feeling warm from the alcohol. You both began to forget about the reason you came tonight. Until your gaze left Mor’s and connected with burning amber eyes and bright red hair pulled up in a bun. You stopped dead in your tracks and turned towards Mor. 

“Is that Lucien?” 

“Yes, he’s only here to keep his eyes on his mate, and well because Feyre had forced him to come,” Mor said while looking at you. “Why do you ask? Do you know him?” 

“I do. I just have not seen him in years. Him and I used to... um.... This feels weird to say aloud knowing he found his mate, but we were friends with benefits a LONG time ago” 

“YALL WERE WHAT?!” You decide to grab her hand and go to the bathroom for more privacy. You do not want the entire inner circle hearing about your previous sexual partners. As soon as you shut the bathroom door you turn to her to finish the conversation. 

“Mor you act like I am a virgin.” 

“Y/n I know you are not a virgin, but out of all the people to hear you have had sex with, I was not expecting him! I did not even know you two knew each other!”  

“Yeah, it was when I stayed in the spring court for a while. We met at a popular bar in town, and we instantly clicked. One drink led to another, and I took him back to my apartment. We were so infatuated with each other that it quickly became friends-with-benefits.” 

“OH MY GOD AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME? Y/N this is positively perfect!” You were shocked she took the information so well that you could practically see the gears grinding in her head as she paced back and forth.  

“Mor whatever you are thinking stop it now. I am concerned that you are this deep in thought while being tipsy.” 

“Y/n there has been a slight change of plans” Mor said with full confidence. 

“Should I be concerned?” 

“That my love is up to you to decide, but this is what you are going to do. You are going to talk to Lucien and...” before she could finish her sentence you stopped her with a finger to her mouth. 

“MOR ARE YOU CRAZY?! I must have had too much to drink because I could have sworn you said that I should talk to--” before you could finish Mor bit your finger and you yelped. “DID YOU JUST BITE ME?!” 

“Yes, but that is beside the point. Y/n, you are here to make Az jealous over you, are you not?” 

“Yes, but--” 

She smirks as she says, “And what better way to do it than to flirt with Elain’s mate?” 

Your mouth goes slack. “Elain is Lucien’s mate? Why has no one told me this?!” 

“It is because you are off in your own little world sulking over Az. Besides, none of us even knew you knew Lucien. They don’t even act like mates let alone talk to each other, so we forget half the time. But Y/n this is your chance! Not only could you make Azriel jealous of you, but you could also make Elain jealous of Lucien! Like I said, it is positively perfect!” 

“Mor I can't... this is becoming too much. I do not think I can do this.” 

“GIRL you are drop-dead gorgeous! Any male who does not see that can go die in a hole! You are worth so much more than a mate who refuses to look at you y/n. You can and you will do this! I will not let you sit here and do nothing. You must fight for him y/n, and if the only way to do it is to play dirty, then you must play dirty!” 

“Fine! I will talk to him, but nothing more and nothing less.” 

“Yes! Let us get this new and improved mission going! I cannot believe you and Lucien did it” Mor said as she linked her arm in yours and strutted out the bathroom back to your group. 

“And I cannot believe you BIT me!” Mor giggles as you stick out your tongue and rub your finger to sooth it. You find Rhys, Feyre, Cassian, and Nesta at the bar getting more drinks.  

Cassian boomed as he said, “There y’all are! We were beginning to think you both fell in!”  

Nesta smacked his arm and said, “Not all of us thought that. Some of us have the mental capacity to know that it was for girl talk. And I must say, whatever it is I want in!” She smirks at the two of you.  

“Oh, oh! Me too! Me too! I love gossip!” Cassian says as he swings an arm over Nesta to get closer to your conversation. 

“Cas go be a busy body somewhere else!” Nesta said swatting away Cassian as you and Mor both giggle at their banter.  

“We were just gossiping, it’s nothing important really,” you say hoping Nesta would catch that you really do not want to talk about you and Mor’s trip to the bathroom. Luckily, she seems to understand and gets up to lead Cass back to the dance floor. “Come on Cass, we can gossip with them later, I love this song!” as Cassian whisks her away to go dance. You can hear him faintly say “This is not over ladies; I have to know what it was!”  

You laugh as Mor looks at you. “He's such a drama king. All right, the time is now! No better time than the present right?? Now go,” as she pushes you toward where Lucien was standing. You glare at her over your shoulder as you walk to Lucien. You can see her smirk before turning around to join Rhys and Feyre back at the bar. 

“Mother above only you can save me now...” as you take a deep breath and finish walking over to Lucien. Your eyes meet, and for a brief second, all the memories come flooding back to you. You had forgotten how handsome he was. His fiery red hair, gorgeously tanned skin, and his burning stare that made you feel like the only girl in the world. You had to stop your mind from lingering too deep into the memories y’all shared because most of them were sexual. You would hate to finally talk with him again only for him to notice your scent.  

“Well, well, well, who do we have here? It has been too long Lu!” you say, and you give him the most wholehearted smile that you could muster.  

“Y/N! I was wondering when you would pop by. Always unable to resist me huh?” he says with a smirk, reaching to give your hand a chaste kiss. Your cheeks flush at the feeling of his lips on your skin. You can practically feel your skin burn from where his lips had just been.  

“Still charming as always.” He chuckles at your comment, and it makes your heart flutter. You were treading extremely dangerous waters. You had not told Mor this, but your previous friends-with-benefits with Lucien had you harboring a secret crush on the male. If it were not for the fact you and he had mates, you were sure you both would not be sleeping alone tonight. “You look nice, Lu.” 

“Thank you, as do you y/n. What are you even doing here at Rita’s? Last I remember you were still in the spring court.” 

“I was, until I decided that I wanted to see the beauty of the other courts. I was nomadic for a while as I traveled, but that changed as soon as I saw the night court and met a certain High Lord everyone now knows and loves.” You giggle as you remember your first encounter with Rhysand. “I fell in love with Velaris and the inner court that I had decided to stay. The rest is history.” You gave Lucien a warm smile. 

“If I had known you were here all this time, I would have come to see you! It's nice to have a friendly face around that’s not a part of the inner circle.” He says with a huff. 

“I get a sense you don’t really like the inner circle all that much?” 

“It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s more so that I don’t belong or fit into their group. Feyre tries to keep me in loop, and I love her to death for it, but it will not change the fact I am that group’s wall flower. The only reason I really stick along is for-” he catches himself. He doesn’t ever finish the sentence, but you knew what he was going to say. He was going to say, “for Elain.” You decided not to press the matter. 

“Well Lucien, I think you are the prettiest wallflower!” you say with a smile and slightly push his shoulder. He smiles and dips his head as he says thank you. “Say, I could use some more wine and it looks like you could use another of what you were drinking, want to come with me to the bar?” as you batt your eyelashes at him. He smirks and you can see an emotion in his eyes, but you can't tell what it was. 

“How could I say no to such a pretty lady offering me another drink.” He places his hand on your exposed lower back and guides you to the bar. His hand feels like fire on your skin. You almost sighed into his touch but remained stoic as you finally reached the bar. He removes his hand, and you find yourself missing the contact. He orders a refill of his drink along with another glass of wine for you. You were surprised when you took a sip of your wine, finding it to be the same as before. Funny, you don’t remember telling him the exact fae brand you were drinking. 

“How did you know what to order for me? I don’t remember telling you what I was drinking.” you look mischievously at him as you take a sip. 

“How you vex me! You think after all this time that I’ve known you that I can't tell that you’ve been drinking your favorite wine? Y/n I may not be the brightest flame in the world, but I sure as hell remember the smell of your favorite wine in your breath.” he says with a smirk, remembering all the heated kisses shared between you two. You try to hide the creeping blush from your cheeks, and you too remember those moments all too well. You put a hand to your mouth and breathe out. He was right, you can smell the wine you’ve been consuming.  

“I didn’t think the smell would be that strong!” as your nose scrunches up at your breath. 

He laughs at how silly you looked trying to smell your own breath. You could not help but laugh at this situation too. You had forgotten what it was like to be around Lucien. The warmth that radiated from him as he laughed had you weak at the knees. You can't help but think how lucky Elain was to have Lucien as her mate. You don’t understand what she doesn’t see in him, and that made you think about Az. He would never see you the way he sees Elain. Hell, he barely even looks at you. So how could you even compete against someone like her?Lucien could tell something was wrong as your face went from laughter to disappointment.  

“Hey, what’s wrong? What’s that pretty little head thinking about?” Lucien had asked concerned, tilting his head to get a better look at you. Maybe it was the alcohol talking but you couldn’t help but to ask. 

“Lucien, do- do you have a mate?”  

“Do I have a mate? Y/n are you okay? Why are you asking this?” 

“I- I don’t know. I’m sorry for even asking. I am overstepping my bounds. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” you take a big gulp of your wine. Lucien reaches out his hand and lowers your hand from your mouth. 

“Hey! Don’t ever apologize to me for asking a simple question! I was just shocked by how random it was. One minute were laughing and now were on the subjects of mates. It was a very big jump, so I'm sorry for my reaction earlier. Yes, I have a mate, but she- she does not want me...” 

“I am sorry Lu, she doesn’t know what she’s missing out on” you give him a faint smile. 

“It’s alright. All this time I thought it would be someone else, but the mother had different plans, I guess. What about you? Surely the lovely y/n has found her mate.”  

“I have, but it’s kind of complicated...” you look down at your glass as you start to twirl your wine. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, how is it complicated?” he asks. 

“He doesn’t know about the bond yet...”  

“Y/n why doesn’t he know?” Lucien asks, and his eyes are so intense you have to look away. You catch yourself looking for Azriel among the crowd to see if he was looking your way and spy him in that same corner with Elain. Unlike the other times where they were talking, this time they were kissing. A gasp escapes your lips as your heart drops. Tears threaten to fall from your eyes as you nearly fall out of your seat. If it wasn’t for Lucien bracing you, you would have. He studies your face for a moment before following and focusing his gaze on where you had just been looking. His grip around you tightens as he watches his mate with Azriel. You can see the realization hit him as soon as he makes eye contact with you again. He now knows... “How about we get out of here, get us a sweet treat, grab a bottle of your favorite wine, and go back to my place to decompress?” He asks rubbing your back. 

“That sounds perfect.”  

You both get up from the bar and walk toward the door, Lucien’s hand is still on your back. You can feel a gentle caress of your mental shields and you know it’s Rhysand. You lower your shields to let him know that you were leaving, that you would be safe, and that you would be back tomorrow. He doesn’t pry and trusts your judgement. However, that doesn't stop him from turning to his cousin and bombarding her with questions about what the hell was going on.

If you’re interested in being on my taglist, please let me know!

Tags:

@thelov3lybookworm @justdreamstars @character---obsessed @stained-glass-eyes0708 @acourtofbooksandshadows

[starry-eyes-love]

Marriage Dynamics-Happy Halloween

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader (18+, Minors DNI), AU universe, No Outbreak

Summary | Joel takes his wife out to a Halloween-themed party. A slight disagreement changes the course of the night for both of them but ends with Joel and his wife giving each other some much-needed attention in the woods.

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI, Explicit Smut, Age gap (Joel 52, reader 37), married with husband/wife dynamics, language, fluff, arguments with angst, dom/sub dynamics (a bit), daddy kink, pregnancy reference (if you squint at the end), alcohol consumption, driving after alcohol consumption (don’t do this people, drive sober)- in the story Joel isn’t even tipsy with alcohol, piv sex, creampie (they’re married folks, and she wants it), body type descriptions (slight), reference to Halloween costumes. Sorry (not sorry) about this one guys, man it’s a rollercoaster ride like any marriage is with a lot of steamy smut at the end. Enjoy & Happy Halloween!

Word Count: 9.1 K

“I know mama, I know,” he said, closing his eyes and trying to will his impending release off a bit so he could give you what you needed.  When he opened his eyes he looked into yours and saw that you were staring into his soul. You whispered, “I need you husband.” Joel smoothed his hand over your hair and whispered “I know baby, I see you, and I’m right here.”  Joel then bent down and passionately kissed you as he deepened his motions.

October 31st, Halloween

It has been a long time since Joel, your husband, has felt these intense feelings for you, his wife. Yes, you were beautiful, the mother of his 2 children, and a step-mother to his first born daughter Sarah. But something was different about tonight, especially when he saw you walk down the stairs in that black silk dress hugging your curves just right.  Tommy, Joel’s brother and your brother-in-law, agreed to watch the boys tonight so you and Joel could have a night out for just yourselves. Sarah was already out of the house and in her second year of college in Seattle, so she wasn't around to help out as much as before. Your friend, Tasha, had convinced both you and Joel to come out to an adult-only Halloween themed party.  After many discussions with your husband, and a few nights where he slept on the couch, you both had finally agreed to one night of adult-only festivities, including dressing up in costumes.

Joel didn’t want to do anything that was too flashy, as he didn’t usually feel comfortable doing things like this. You agreed that a simple costume, him going as Dracula, would be appropriate.  After several discussions, you decided to go as a female vampire for yourself.  Joel had teased you and asked if you were going to be going as Dracula’s bride, and you adamantly said no. Explaining to him that Dracula’s bride was older, had white hair, and never got much attention from her husband. When Joel teased you asking why that was a problem, your response was “I want to go as something different than what reality is.”  Your statement had caused another argument where your husband was, once again, spending another night on the couch.

It wasn’t that you weren’t happy in your marriage, you were.  But things with Joel Miller had gotten stale.  You ate at the same restaurants, watched the same TV shows, hung out with the same people, and did the same things every day without any deviation.  You missed the fun nights the two of you would have when you two were dating. You'd been together for 17 years, 15 of those years married. In the past the two of you would stay up all night talking, fuck on every possible surface of your home, including inside Joel's truck. 

Even though Joel was almost two decades older than you, now in his early 50s, he looked good, really good. He was physically fit, had a little bit of a softer tummy, not the rock hard abs younger men had. But he looked good with no shirt on and just pants. He had a construction worker's build, salt and pepper hair, and facial hair that you found out that you loved. In bed Joel was amazing, always has been. He'd get you to cum multiple times if he wanted to, that is if he wanted to. 

Over the past year the bedroom activity was nice, but lacked a bit of passion or intensity. He could get you there with ease, but you wanted your man to breed you, show you who was boss, edge you, something. You didn't know how to ask him for more, considering he was always so exhausted most of the time. 

Joel owned Miller Contracting, his own contracting business. It was an established business for a long time, but recently it had expanded out and was taking on larger projects. About a year and a half ago Joel remodeled a client's kitchen. The client was a CEO of a major company, something no one knew. But Joel said he never cared, he always did quality work as if the person owned everything. He took pride in working with his hands and creating things he loved. The client loved Joel's work so much that when the large company expanded into a different nearby town, Joel was the person they called. He nailed the largest contract in history of Miller Contracting, it was a full time year around job that was going to take 3 years to finish. He hired 30 employees to help get the project done on a large high rise that was going up. 

About a year ago is when the bedroom activity became lackluster, and that was the same time Joel started his large contract. He worked longer days, sometimes also weekends. He made time for his family and boys, making sure to be a present father. He attempted to be an attentive husband in the bedroom, but you could see how exhausted he was. Some nights you cried yourself to sleep as Joel fell asleep on the couch, right before he agreed to give you some much needed affection.

But tonight was going to be different, you thought. Tonight you wanted to feel young and alive again.  So you decided to buy a sexy black dress that hugged your curves perfectly, that gave yourself a good amount of cleavage, and was mid-thigh in length. You paired it with some sexy lingerie, just in case someone went looking later on, someone you were hoping was your husband.  After you finished dressing yourself, doing your makeup, and spraying on your expensive perfume (the one that Joel bought you a year ago as a gift apologizing for falling asleep early), you put on your high heels and then walked down the stairs.

"Babe, we gotta get goin' if we want to make it on-" Joel said as he turned around to see you descend from the stairs in your costume. Joel wasn't able to finish his sentence the moment he laid eyes on you. He always thought that you were a beautiful woman. But tonight, in this moment, it was like his heart stopped beating and he could hear Angels singing from heaven.

"Cat got your tongue, Big Boy?" you whispered as you got up to him with a sly smile.

Joel had his eyes focusing hard on your cleavage and your curves. When he heard you call him his nickname, Big Boy, he almost fainted. He hadn't heard that nickname since he dated you. It usually meant that you were in the mood for some dominance in the bedroom later, where he'd show you who was in control. He had to admit though that since having children, the whole play dominance in the bedroom had stopped because with younger kids, you sometimes had to be fast. He'd still take care of you, but not in the ways he'd used to. Joys of marriage and kids that no one ever talked about. He still loves you, but he did miss your sexual appetite. He just didn't know if he could do some of those moves anymore like he did 10 years ago.

"You, uh" Joel squeaked. 

As the high pitched notes came out of his voice, you smiled and chuckled a moment to yourself before you said "what was that baby?"

Joel glared at you for teasing him. He then pulled at the collar by his throat, cleared his throat, and said in a husky manly voice "You look wonderful, darlin.'" 

"Well thank you, handsome" you said with a slight wink as you turned to walk out the door, swaying your ass just a little bit more for your husband's roaming eyes.

As Joel watched you walk away he let out a low growl at how you looked.  Joel wasn’t a religious man, but he definitely was thanking the good Lord on high tonight for seeing you like this. He took a small breath and let it out in a huff as he followed you outside, saying to himself "that woman's tryin' to fucking kill me."

The entire drive to the party Joel kept glancing over to where you were seated. You were looking out the window with a solemn look on your face. He kept trying to figure out why you had that look. Sure, the two of you have been arguing more. But he thought the both of you had made up, especially when he fucked you in the bed the other night instead of sleeping on the couch yet again. That night he made sure to give you two orgasms, and not just the usual one.

Unable to figure out what was going on in that pretty little head of yours, Joel decided to reach over and lightly grab your hand. He brought it to his mouth, kissed your knuckles gently while saying, "you look absolutely beautiful tonight baby. I feel like I just landed into a dream with you, one that I never want to wake from." He then gently placed your hand back on your thigh, and gave it a little squeeze before returning his hand to the steering wheel.

He saw that you looked down at your hand, like you could still see something there when you said with a slight sniffle, "yeah me too, and I hope I never wake up." Then you went back to looking out the truck window. In that moment, Joel felt his heart ache. Why did she just say that?, he wondered. "Baby, I-"

"Forget it Joel, it was nothing. I didn't mean what-" 

"You meant something by it darlin'" Joel said, interrupting you. 

"Baby, I don't wanna fight" was all you said to him.

"Not fightin' Angel," he said turning back to the road. "Are you happy or- or angry with me yet?" he said with a slightly shaky voice, hoping that you weren't angry yet.

"Joel, oh my God, no baby, I'm not angry. I am happy, incredibly happy. I just miss how we used to be, that's all," you say trying to defuse the situation.

Puzzled, Joel glanced over at you and said "what do you mean, how we used to be?" 

"It's just, you know. It ain't as good as before" you say quickly avoiding his gaze.

"What? What ain't as good as before?" Joel questioned you. As you sat in silence Joel's stomach started twisting in knots trying to figure out what you meant. After a moment he said "Angel, please." 

Silence continued from you.

"Baby please, please answer me? What ain't as good, is it our marriage you don't like, or?"

"It's the bedroom, Joel" you said with a rushed voice.

"What's wrong with the bedroom? Is it the decorations or-"

"I don't like how we fuck, ok? It's not as good as it used to be. It's honestly stale" you say with a sarcastic laugh. "Instead of me feeling like I’m fucking my husband, I don’t know, I feel like I'm with a total stranger. Someone who I really don’t like. I walk away hating it, or worse, feeling like no one cares. I just wish it was like it was before with us, where you'd see me, and actually want me."

“I want you” Joel snapped in defense, emotions swirling around his stomach and head like a hurricane. His mind was trying to figure out what was happening in front of him.

“No you don’t Joel, we both know that’s a lie. Sure, you want me because you have to. That’s it. I’m a checklist you have to occasionally check off. Must have sex with my wife, check. You haven’t really wanted it for years, cause if you did, you’d known that I wasn’t always having orgas-” 

As you glanced over at Joel mid sentence, you were instantly mortified at what you saw. Your husband was white knuckling the steering wheel, grinding his teeth, and silently cursing to himself with glassy eyes.  Somehow you had removed the compassion filter of caring and just started to let your mouth run wild. You wanted to take everything back you just said, but you didn’t know how.  As you reached over to try to comfort Joel, he flinched and turned towards the door, away from you. It was then that you fully understood what had happened, you had seriously fucked up.

Joel felt his stomach tighten at your words. His wife, the woman who he cared about and loved deeply, wasn't sexually satisfied with him and apparently had been faking orgasms for a while. From what you said, somehow you no longer liked being with him, and that fucking hurt him so much and cut him so deeply. He loved you, and loved being with you sexually, but apparently you didn't feel the same way with him. So with a shaky voice he said, "Is there, um, is there anything you'd want me to do differently then if I’m not pleasing ya right?"

"No," you said in a meek voice.

"Are you sure?” he said with a huge lump caught in his throat. “It seems like maybe you’d want me to do something differently, cause apparently I’m fuckin’ this all up for you. So what do ya want done different Angel, please tell me" Joel said, trying to keep his voice both steady and even.

With a sigh you said, "Joel, just forget about it, ok. I don't know what I was thinking. I was just saying dumb stuff, I never meant any of it. I love what you do, can’t seem to get enough of it. Don’t worry, ok." Then you reached for the radio and turned it on to try to drown out the uncomfortable silence that now was present between the two of you.

As you thought about what you had said, you felt the feelings of embarrassment and shame creep up your spine. You didn't want to give Joel the wrong impression, and yet that's exactly what you did. It wasn’t that you hated everything he did, you just missed how it used to be. He still gave you orgasms, if that’s what you could call them. They were ok, but they lacked the major intensity that they used to have when you were dating. The more you thought about this, the more you realized that your wants weren't practical anymore with the current life that you were living. You silently sat there scolding yourself for opening up and creating another argument with your husband. 

God, why can’t I just let this stuff go and realize that I ain’t ever gonna get it again, you thought to yourself. I mean, I got a great guy, a beautiful house, children, and financial stability. I should be happy.  And you were happy, or at least you were trying to convince yourself that you were.  The longer you mulled over this in your mind, the more lost in your head you became. The problem was when you got lost in your head like this you didn’t realize that you started to fidget your hands nervously, it was a tick that you had.  You also started biting your lip and saying silently out loud “God I’m just so stupid.”  These were traits that you did when you were really upset about something, but you never fully register that you do them.  However, Joel knows these traits, knows them well.  While you were overthinking things, Joel was slowly grinding his teeth, clenching his jaw, and allowing his anger to rise up in the pit of his stomach. He felt like a  shitty husband, especially when he hadn't realized that he wasn’t satisfying his wife.

Underneath the surface Joel was seething, pissed off, and deeply hurt at the fact that he wasn't performing up to your standards. But mostly, Joel was pissed at your lack of communication on the topic for a long time. Telling him to forget about it, that you didn't mean what you said, and then scold yourself out loud all made Joel very angry. If you weren't satisfied in the bedroom, he wanted to know. He was your husband, goddamnit, and his wife's needs did actually matter to him, no matter what.

Without thinking Joel pulled the truck over to the side of the road, and then slammed it into park. He then turned and faced you stating in an irritated voice "look here little girl, don't you ever tell me something's fine when it ain't. Obviously your husband ain't performing up to his wife's satisfaction. And you better believe it missy, that I wanna hear about it if you're not satisfied. You hear me? Now, I'm only gonna ask you this question once again, and this time I better get an honest answer from ya. What in the hell would you like done differently in bed, if you ain't enjoying it?"

You sat there shocked looking at Joel seething with anger. Even though you wanted to smack him for that tone he just used with you, you also felt bad for him at what you did.  You saw a man who was compassionate and who was hurting. He was searching your eyes, trying to find something to hold on to that you still were ok with him. You also didn't want to argue, but in this moment you saw the hurt look behind those fiery eyes of your husband who you just told wasn't performing up to the level that you wanted. He did care, that much was evident on his face.

You reached your hand out and gently stroked his face while saying "Joel, honey. We both are so busy in life with careers and kids, that we just lost a bit of that spark. You are performing great in bed love, but I miss the days where sex wasn't a chore. Where it was something you needed to have from me, and not something that was a requirement as a marriage. That's all."

Joel took a shaky breath and then let it out with a huff. He closed his eyes and said "how can I communicate it to you, for you to realize that I want you. That I never stopped wanting you?" As he opened his eyes, you saw that they were glassy. "I never stopped needing you baby, what can I do to show you that?"

With a smile you said,"fuck me like you used to Joel," and with that you leaned over and planted a brief kiss on your husband's lips. Joel nodded his head once and cleared his throat, as he felt a thump there. He then put the truck back in drive and continued forward. The rest of the car ride was in silence as Joel contemplated what you said. The only difference was he was now holding your hand and slowly running his thumb over the back of your hand, reassuring both himself and you that he was still here, and that he still loved you.

When you got to the party, everyone was already there. Joel and you walked inside together, but he was quiet. The only statement he asked was if you wanted something to drink and if so what. You told him to get you vodka and pineapple juice, and he said "fine." When he came back you noticed he was drinking whiskey on the rocks, which was only usually reserved for times at home or when Joel was pissed. You didn't let it damper your spirits. You walked around and spoke to people for a while. A fellow contractor quickly got Joel's attention and he was off in the corner visiting with him for most of the night. You found Tasha, your friend, and started talking with her.

After 10 minutes of catching up with Tasha she went for the heart. "So you and Mr. Grumpy pants over there, you guys fighting again?" she asked as she pointed to where your husband was sitting.

"No," was all you said while you took another sip of the second drink you had gotten yourself. Usually Joel would bring you refills of your drinks throughout the night, but not tonight. You saw when he got his own refill, but he never came over to see where you were, or if you needed another drink.

"Oh bitch, please." Tasha said. "Seriously, you and him at it again, huh?"

"Tash, why do you say that?" taking another swallow of your drink while staring at your husband, who has yet to look over at you all night.

"Why? I'll tell ya why y/n, you've been shooting daggers at that poor man all night. Slamming one too many drinks down your throat. So what's up hun?"

"I told him" you say looking down. "I told him how I'm not happy and…"

"No, you didn't" she gasps, shaking her head. You had spoken to Tash before about this and she told you that you needed to open up to Joel about it, but she never thought you'd do it tonight.

"Yup," you said and you proceeded to tell her everything that happened on the car ride over here. "Yeah and now we are here, wherever the hell here is," you say laughing at the reference of being in the middle of nowhere. Which is exactly where you felt your marriage was at the moment, especially when Joel couldn't even look at you. 

"Yeah and who put you in that position girlie?" Tash says, staring daggers at you. You just looked at her dumbfounded, not understanding how any of this could be your fault.

With an eye roll she says "look, you needed to tell him you weren't happy, yes. But not right before you show up here, and not say it the way you did. That's a conversation for home girlie, not a fucking car ride" she says rolling her eyes.

"So what do I do Tash?" you ask in a defeated tone. "The asshole has yet to look at me all night, always talking to someone else. He hasn't even asked me for a dance either, and he knows that pisses me off" you tell her. 

"Well, show him what you want," she said. When you look at her puzzled, not understanding what she meant she adds "For Christ sake Y/n. Go over to your husband and flirt with his big dumb ass. Baby, he's hurting. You just told your husband that he can't fuck his wife right, and that he doesn't give you what you want. He's upset, hurt, and angry at himself. So he's doing everything he can to not think about it, or you, so he doesn't ruin your evening. So go over there and give that cowboy a ride he won't forget" she says, slapping you on the back laughing.

You giggle at her in return and then say, "I suppose I can go over there and show him how a real cowgirl drinks" you say screwing your face up. "Good thing I developed a strong taste for whiskey over the years cause that's all he's been drinking tonight."

After looking at Tash, you give her a big hug and say "thanks chica for always looking out for me. I love you."

"I love ya too, brat. Now go get your man and make sure to fuck him good tonight. Show him how you ride a real bull" she says laughing. 

"Jesus, Tash," you say laughing as you slowly walk away and go over to grab a whiskey on the rocks at the bar. You hated this stuff straight, but you were in the mood to impress the man who was your husband. So as you walk over to the 52 year old man, you quietly bite your lip and think to yourself well, here goes nothing.

Joel was talking to another contractor that you had recognized from the barbeque you held the year before. You remember meeting him there, his name was Dennis and his wife was Sharon. Dennis was about 10 years younger than Joel and still 5 years older than you. Yes, you and Mr. Grumpy pants were 15 years apart in age. You were 37, and Joel was 52. His wife Sharon was a year older than you, and you knew they had kids. But you couldn't remember how many, or how old their kids were.

As you approached Joel, you heard him talking about something with contract work, of pouring foundation, and how his one team member messed it up. You slotted yourself next to your husband and gently placed your hand on his leg, as he was sitting at a high bar table. After continuing their conversation, and neither man acknowledging your presence, you decided to move your hand a little further up on your husband's leg and gently squeeze it. When you still didn't get a response from him you slowly took another sip of the amber liquid in your glass, looking across the bar, as your hand slowly kept traveling upwards towards where you wanted him the most. You saw that Joel had registered your presence by slowly grinding his teeth with his jaw. As you slowly sipped your drink, looking the other direction, you continued your exploration. 

When you were about mid thigh range you heard Joel silently take a deep inhale, followed by a longer exhale. You knew your husband, and knew you were turning him on. As soon as you got to his upper thigh you felt Joel very quickly shove your hand out of the way, then he readjusted himself on the bar stool. After a moment you felt him open his legs a little wider. 

You looked down at your drink and smiled because Joel was giving you the warning not to continue, but also giving you the open door to continue if you wanted. Joel learned that move from you. He would always try to play with you when you'd be out on dates underneath the table. You'd shove his hand away hard, sit further up straight, but then once you'd relax you'd open your legs wider to allow him more access, if he so wanted. This was your classic move and when you grinned smiling down at your drink, Joel shook his head slightly laughing out loud to himself. Dennis took it as Joel was laughing at the joke he was telling, the poor guy. You knew in fact now that Joel wasn't even listening to him anymore, especially when he nudged your leg with his leg slightly. Telling you that he was paying attention to you with his body language, especially when he cleared his throat and then said "please continue" while looking at Dennis. When Dennis glanced away quickly you heard Joel say quietly to you "please continue darlin'" and then he nudged your leg again with his leg.

You couldn't let that silent plea go unheard, so after a few moments of rest to collect yourself and calm your nerves, you slowly started placing your hand higher up on his leg. This time you stopped one hand length below where you were last time, before he shoved your hand off. You let it rest there and then slowly squeezed his thigh, telling him you were still here. You slowly rubbed gentle circles on his leg in a soothing manner. He hummed his approval slightly, telling you that he was relaxed, content and comfortable with your hand position. But you weren't having it. When Joel went and took a drink of his whiskey you moved fast and reached to grab ahold of his crotch in a hard grip while adding a few firm strokes of his cock before you let your hand go. To an outsider it looked like you were scratching your leg. To Joel he spilled half his drink on himself muttering "Jesus Christ" while coughing horribly. People moved quickly around Joel to get napkins and you said "you okay honey? Don't die on me now. Here, I'll go get you another drink" and as you slowly stood you gave Joel a kind smile. Joel glared at you with steal eyes and muttered under his breath "trouble I tell ya, you're gonna fucking kill me woman."

You refilled Joel's glass, and as you were standing there at the bar you didn't know what your next move was going to be. You honestly never thought that far ahead. You knew you just walked right into the Lion's den and yanked the lion hard by the tail with a move you just pulled. You were racking your brain, trying to think of a good excuse that Joel would buy of why you did what you did when you heard behind you "you know, the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you were trouble. Tommy told me not to chase ya, but I didn't listen. Thought I knew what I was getting myself into. After that, I don't know anymore" Joel said, caging you between the bar and his chest, with your back against his chest. Joel slowly reached around and grabbed your drink while whispering in your ear, "let's see what type of liquid luck the lady's drinking tonight shall we?" He slowly put it to his lips and then hummed his approval as he downed the rest of the contents and slammed the glass back down on the bar. "You think you're clever at the little antics you just pulled?" Joel sneered in your ear.

You didn't respond right away. You knew now that you had pulled the lion by its tail, and that lion was named Joel, who was slowly snarling.

Your lack of response did nothing for Joel's mood, it actually made him angrier. He bent down and whispered in your ear "I asked you a question, love, and I expect an answer." He then slowly ground his pelvis into your ass, to show you why he was mad. He was hard as a fucking rock, and he felt himself throb in his pants. Your little antics spurred a different feeling inside of him, one that was dormant for a bit. The side to claim you as his in a very dominant way. The way he knew you loved and begged for. 

All night Joel talked with Dennis, not because he really wanted to, but because he needed time to mull over what you had told him in the truck. Joel prided himself on taking care of your needs, so when he heard that he wasn't fulfilling that duty, he took it to heart personally. He knew what you liked, he knew that you were adventurous and wanted a man to dominate you in the bedroom from time to time. He didn't know why the two of you stopped. He tried blaming it on kids, but he knew that wasn't the only reason. He was pissed at you for not communicating this to him, but he was more pissed at himself for not seeing it.

You stood facing the bar and felt a weird array of emotions. You could sense Joel's anger, could feel it radiating off from him. Usually in the past this would excite you beyond belief. But something here was different, and it made you feel uneasy. Without thinking, the only thing you said was "yellow."

Joel froze and eased back from you. You said yellow, a warning that you weren't comfortable, and something you never say. He immediately turned you around and said "okay, why yellow?" as he took a step back and placed his hands in his pockets. He acknowledged you, gave you space, and now wanted to know your boundaries. 

"You're mad" was all you said.

"Yes" was his only reply.

"Why Joel?"

"You know why, for the antics you just pulled." 

"I was just trying to have fun" you said, feeling tears sting your eyes. This was not the way you wanted this night to go.

"That wasn't fun Angel," Joel said, taking another step back to give you some more space.

"Neither was you ignoring your wife."

"I had my reasons tonight" Joel said matter of fact to you.

As you stood there it felt like he just smacked you across the face with his cold truth. You thought he wasn't intentionally trying to ignore you, but apparently you were wrong. Tash was right, you should have kept your big mouth shut earlier. 

You looked away and felt the sting hit your eyes of your tears. How did you two get this off track over the years? What happened to you both? You felt a burn hot in the back of your throat. You took a step away from the bar and pulled off your black lace lingerie panties that you had on for your husband tonight. You didn't think he'd be interested tonight in seeing them, but you wanted to give him something. You balled them up into your fist and stepped towards Joel. 

"Here, Happy Halloween. I'm going home now, don't worry, I'll get my own ride. You can do what you want with them I guess, cause I- I'm-" and you felt the tears begin to fall. You shook your head and said "this was all for you tonight, and for me to be seen again. I guess I read the situation wrong. And if I'm being honest, I think I've read you wrong a lot in life. I get it, things are different now. I should be grateful for what I get, and I am. I'll sleep on the couch tonight, and you can have the bed" you say as you turn to walk away. After taking a few steps you turn around and say "for what it's worth, I think you're the sexiest man in the world, and I love you."

As you turn back around to leave, you hear Joel say "Red," and then you freeze. He's never said red, never. And now honestly you're too afraid to ask why. But you know the rules; you give space, listen, and then comfort. You slowly turn and see him looking you straight in the eye again when he says it again. "Red y/n, I said fucking red."

You felt a large lump in your throat at his admittance and anger yet again. You swallow, and with a shaky breath you say, "ok Joel, why red?"

Joel takes a moment to contemplate how he's going to communicate this to you. He takes your lingerie and stuffs it in his back pocket as he approaches you and says "one, you thinking that I don't want this or you. Don't. Don't tell me how I feel y/n, ok?" Before you can respond he speaks again.

"Two, you are not getting a ride home from someone else. You are my wife and even if I am mad or upset with you, I don't ever want you to think I'm not going to keep you safe and take you home. Baby, I'll always take you home."

"Three, don't you give me those sexy lingerie and then think I don't find you attractive, or that I don't want to fuck you. Also, don't ever suggest that I should do it with someone else. That makes me angry. You're the woman I want, and the only woman for me. Understood?"

You just nod your head. "Ok, and finally" he says while taking a step closer to wipe your tears from your face and more gently says, "Finally baby, no one is on the couch tonight. You were feeling neglected honey, and I'm sorry. You're right, we shouldn't have talked about it right before we arrived. That was wrong for both of us, but we needed to talk. Baby, I fucking love you and I'm so damn attracted to you. And for the record, I wasn't ignoring you. I was giving you space and myself space so we both could figure our shit out. And you get what you ask for in life with me, and more. If your husband ain't rockin' your world, I need to know. But don't drop that bomb on me right before we do something like this together, ok? Now c'mere" Joel says while giving you a tender hug.

You both stand together, holding each other for a moment in a comfortable hug. It's right here in his arms that you feel comfortable, safe, protected, and at peace. He's the man that you've always wanted. He's your husband, best friend, and soulmate. As you pull away you look your husband in the eyes and say "ok big boy, take me home and fuck me," then you give him another peck on the lips.

"No baby, I think I got one better" he says as you both turn to head out the door. 

Joel practically dragged you out to his truck, and helped you inside.  He then jogged around to the front seat and then left in a hurry.  When Joel didn’t make the turn to go back to your house you looked over at him puzzled and said “where are we going?”  He just smirked at you and never answered, just turned the radio on and turned it up while singing along to John Mellencamp's 'Hurts So Good’ song.  

When Joel turned on a dirt road that wasn’t marked, adrenaline spiked in your veins.  You’ve never been out here, on this unmarked road, but obviously Joel had.  When he pulled up to a gravel pit, Joel turned the truck and started driving around the gravel pit and through some more trees.

“You know” Joel said, “that dress looks amazing on you tonight baby, kinda makes me hate what I’m gonna do in a moment.”

“What Joel, wh-what are you gonna do?” you whispered panic slowly setting in at how remote the two of you were.

“You’ll see darlin’” is all he said while he gave your knee a little squeeze.

“Joel, uh, baby. You ain’t gonna bring me out here and kill me now are ya?” you said with a small laugh, after all this was Halloween.

Joel looked over at you intently and when he looked back at the gravel path he said “nah babe, gonna do something much better.”

You felt panic spike up in your body and neck, along with desire.  Joel was playing it cool, not giving in to your panicked state that you felt.  He definitely had something planned, that much was certain, and you knew how this situation played out.  You’d find out either when the time was right or if you used a safe word.  But you knew that if Joel had something sexy planned that if you used a safe word it would stop, and you didn't want that. So you sat there quietly and tried to calm your anxiety.

Finally Joel stopped the truck and reached into the glove box pulling out a blindfold.  He held it up to you and said “turn darlin’ we gotta blind fold you for a bit.”  As you turned, you allowed Joel to place the blindfold comfortably on your face.  When he was done, he kissed the top of your head and said “ok baby, color?” You knew Joel was checking in with you, to see if you were still ok.

“I-I don’t know” is what you said to Joel in a quivering voice.  

“Yes you do darlin’, now come on baby, color” he said in a more soothing tone.

“Between green and yellow, honestly” you said while also adding “I want you to continue though, I’m just nervous and a little scared of what to expect considering all of what has happened tonight.”

You felt him gently wrap his arms around you and said softly in your ear “baby, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m sorry for what has all happened tonight, trust me.  This is me making it up to ya. Nothin’ bad’s gonna happen to ya, you can trust me darlin’. If ya want, I can take off this blindfold” he said while reaching to remove it.

“No,” you said, “leave it on Joel, I want you to leave it on.”

“Ok darlin’, I’m gonna help you outta the truck and then we are going to walk for a bit. I’ll help ya so you don’t fall, then I’ll remove the blindfold after we get to where we need to, ok.”

You nodded in agreement.  Joel tsked at that and said “words darlin’, you need to use your words for me.”  

“Yes Joel, I understand.”

“Good girl” he said while giving you a quick peck on the head.  

Joel then followed through with everything that he said he was going to do.  He helped you down and helped you walk through the forest a bit.  You had never been out here so you had no idea what to expect.  Finally after walking, and Joel communicating to you where to step, you two had arrived. He told you to wait for a second and you heard him walk around doing something, but you didn’t know what.  Finally after a bit he was back at your back.  He reached around you and told you quietly in your ear “gonna take this off from ya now. Close your eyes and don’t open them until I tell ya.”

You nodded in agreement, and he huffed saying  "Angel, I ain't gonna ask again. Words," and he lightly nipped your neck and jaw. 

"Yes Joel, I understand. I won't open my eyes."

"Good girl" he said while slowly grabbing your ass and squeezing. "You're always such a good girl f'me." He then gently kissed and lightly nipped your neck at your pulse point. Joel took his time going from your jaw down to your collarbone, and then shoulder. He'd nip you, then use his tongue to soothe the little love bite he just gave you. This drove you wild and he knew it. When he was done, he slowly removed the blindfold.  

Finally after a moment he told you to open your eyes and what you saw was the most romantic thing you had ever seen.  You two were in a little clearing that wasn’t very big, but Joel had lights strung all around the trees that were orange, red, green, and purple in color.  He had cute little Halloween decorations all around, a black blanket on the ground with a dozen pillows.  Two glasses of champagne, and a bottle that was sitting on ice already.  

“What, how?” is all you said looking around and taking notice of the most romantic scene in front of you. 

Joel stood to your side and said “you like it?” 

“Oh my god Joel, yes. It’s so amazing. But baby, how?  How did you do all this?” you asked wide eyed looking at your husband.

“Well, today at work Tommy and I cut out about 30 minutes into the morning to go work on this. The crews had it all under control. Tommy helped me, took us all morning and most of the afternoon. I picked all of it out at the store, and he helped me put it all up.  Teased the hell outta me all day about it, but it was worth it if you like it.”  

You stood there shocked and a little teary eyed at the effort that Joel put in.  As he could sense your mixed emotions he approached you and said “I know things haven’t always been that exciting recently with us, and I know I’ve been exhausted and tired a lot. Baby, I love you more than anything in this world. Tonight, this is for you. For us. For us to reconnect and rekindle that spark between us. I love you” and he slowly kissed you on the mouth. But he quickly pulled back before the kiss could turn heated and said, “come on, let's get comfortable.”

He led you over to the pillows and blanket and got you situated.  You noticed that he bought a whole pile of your favorite snacks and had them all out in little trays with covers on them.  He took the covers off, opened and poured your favorite champagne, and then put some romantic music on.  

The two of you spent the next hour talking, laughing, and joking like you used to do before kids, and the crazy life that you had.  After you had finished the bottle of alcohol you said to your husband “this was perfect Joel, thank you” and then you kissed him on the cheek.

As you pulled away he grabbed your chin and said “that’s not a kiss baby,” while slowly stroking your cheek with his other hand.

“Oh it isn’t” you said teasing, "I thought it was" while gently batting your eyelashes at him.

"No darlin', that's not a proper kiss for your husband who wants you."

 “Then show me big boy, show me what is.” And with that you heard Joel growl low and crash his lips onto yours.  

The next thing you knew you were straddling your husband's lap and grinding down on his crotch hard, trying to get some friction.  He still had your lace underwear in his back pocket. Asshole knew what he wanted to do tonight, you thought. You had a sneaky suspicion that Joel had the plan of getting you out of those lace panties sometime earlier so you could do this without any barriers between you.

After a few more glides of your hips, and a few moans out of your mouth, Joel was unbuckling his pants and taking his hard cock out and thrusting it hard up inside of you.  As soon as he did that you moaned at him stretching you so fast and deep.  “Fuck babe, you’re so perfect for me. Been thinking about fucking this pussy all day, fuck” he said while he started snapping his hips hard up into you.  He wrapped one of his arms around you and tangled his hand into your hair while the other rested on your hip and he helped you grind yourself down into his lap as he fucked up into you.

The two of you were a moaning mess, both chasing your highs fast.  “Joel right there” you moaned as Joel moved both hands to your hips and was moving them back and forth hard and fast. “Fuck baby” you said as you tipped your head back and gave over to your pleasure.  Your senses were heightened dramatically outside and you were getting close.  

Then you felt Joel wrap his arms around you again and then slam you to the ground pounding into you hard and fast saying “fuck woman, why haven’t I fucked ya like this before.”

“Joel” you whined, “baby, please, please I need to-”

“What do you need darlin’, come on, use those pretty words” he said while he continued to fuck you hard and fast.

“God, shit, fuck” you yelled as that coil inside you was winding tighter in your low belly, getting ready to snap.

“Come on mama, say it” he growled in your ear as he placed both forearms on the side of your head, giving you that contact you desperately were craving.  “Come on baby, tell me or I’ll stop” he said, biting your jaw and neck in the process.

“I need to fuck so bad Joel, damn, baby. Please, let me.” you said trying to move him off from you so you were back on top.  He knew what you needed, that you wanted to ride him hard and fast with your hips.  And he loved it when you did, but this was something else. Something primal that was in Joel’s body, his need to claim you as his, to mark you as his.  So he moved his arms underneath your knees and hiked them up and adjusted his position so he was getting more deeper inside of you when he growled “not this time baby, let your husband fuck ya ok. When I’m done, I’ll let you fuck me the way you need to pretty girl, got it.” he said as he swiveled his hips and slammed harder into you.

The angle he put you in was something that caused your eyes to roll back into your head.  He was hitting those parts of you that were deep, that you had forgotten that he could reach. You wanted him to do this more at home and you made a mental note to fix the headboard so it wouldn’t slam against the wall and wake up your kids. You wanted him to do this position more frequently.  

After a few more thrusts and grunts from both of you, you felt your walls flutter around your husband’s cock.  Joel could sense it and said “ya gonna cum for me baby, you wanna come on daddy’s cock?” And as soon as you heard him use the term daddy, you were gone and your orgasm took you like a tsunami. You were mumbling incoherent words, most of them being shit, fuck, or Joel, Joel, Joel from your mouth.

Joel slowed his pace down a bit and slowly was rocking back and forth into you as your orgasm took you.  He was giving you praise. “Good girl, good girl baby, that’s it. Don’t fight it, come on mama, you got it” over and over again.  It felt like this orgasm took a time to die down, but Joel continued rocking into you back and forth through all of it. When you finally came back down to Earth, you opened your eyes and looked up at your husband. Sometime during your orgasm Joel had lowered your legs, and wrapped them around his waist. He was gently stroking your hair, looking at you like he was the happiest man on Earth.

“Wow” was all you said slightly laughing at how fucked out you were.

“Pretty intense there wasn’t it mama” he said while smiling down at you and kissing you passionately.

“Yeah it was Joel, damn. I-I didn’t know”

“See” he said interrupting you “daddy still has a few tricks up his sleeve there darlin.’” You felt Joel slowly start to rock into you back and forth a little faster but still at a leisure rate, giving you praises and affection. You, not realizing what he was doing, opened your hips wider for him and wrapped your legs around him tighter as he continued to rock into you.  Joel just smirked at you, knowing full well what he was doing.  He was building you for another orgasm, and you weren’t realizing it, something that he cursed himself for that he needed to do more often with you.  

As he started to pick up the pace a little, deepening his thrusts you moaned “Fuck Joel, I-”

“I know mama, I know” he said, closing his eyes and trying to will his impending release off a bit so he could give you what you needed.  When he opened his eyes he looked into yours and saw that you were staring into his soul. You whispered “I need you husband.”

Joel smoothed his hand over your hair and whispered “I know baby, I see you, and I’m right here.”  Joel then bent down and passionately kissed you as he deepened his motions.

You needed your husband. You needed him to kiss away the pain you both had been feeling recently.  The heartache of feeling ignored, of feeling left behind, of not finding a connection.  That is what you craved the most, the connection with your spouse.  It was in this moment, with the way he was looking at you, and how he was making you feel, that you felt the two of you were connecting again.  The two of you stared into each other’s eyes as Joel slowly made love to you in the woods. 

Joel rocked into you a few more times, loving the way your walls dragged up and down his cock. After a bit he stilled and moved his arms underneath your legs again to deepen his reach. As he bent down he kissed the tip of your nose and said “I’m gonna give this to you hard and fast again baby. And you’re gonna be a good little girl and come all over daddy's cock with that pretty little pussy again, ok? Then I’m gonna take you home, and fuck you on every surface of our house again, making sure you remember who this pussy belongs to. When I'm through with that, we'll end up in our bed. I’m gonna take advantage this one time of our boys not being home, and I'm gonna make sure that headboard is slamming so fucking hard against that wall tonight, getting deep inside that beautiful little pussy. Then when I’m through fucking ya every way I want, including multiple times with my mouth darlin', I’m then going to slow down and make love to my beautiful wife like she deserves.  You got that darlin'?” he said as he kissed your nose again.

“Joel, if we do that much love making I’m gonna get pregnant again. I’m off the pill, remember, and about mid-cycle. I don’t remember us having that many condoms,'' you say laughing a bit at how descriptive your husband was at his intentions with you. If you were being honest, you were trying to ignore the excited feeling that you had about wanting him to do all of that to you. But you had to be serious, and had to remind him that you weren't on the pill anymore. Your body needed a break from the pill, and because of some weird lab test results that your doctor had seen, she wanted you to stop birth control and go back to using condoms for a few months.

“Well darlin’” Joel said with a smirk on his face “I guess I’ll just have to give you that little girl that you’ve always wanted then, ain’t I.”  And with that, the two of you fell into an intense stride.  Grunting and rutting into one another like two animals in heat, him trying to get in you as deep as he could, and both of you connecting both physically and emotionally with each other.  

You eventually both fell over the edge together, panting each other’s names, him coming deep inside of you. Secretly you loved how your favorite Holiday gave you everything that you have ever wanted in this world. You loved everything about the man right above you, especially when he said "fuck wife, I need you" as he painted your walls with his white ropes of love. You fully submitted to him that night, and allowed him to give you everything in this Life and more. And when the night ended, with both of you finally sated, and in each other's arms once again. Joel finally gave you that little girl that you've always wanted.   

A/N: Happy Halloween guys 🎃

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow @staywildflowahchild @ratoonstown @l3laze

[reverieblondie]

hey! I wanted to request a criminal/villain!miguel x copFM!reader 🫣🤭 (Miguel is wearing his spider suit as his villain outfit)

LIKE Miguel is a criminal or villain whose hate when the cop chase him…except for reader. Who’s has been huge crush on reader and a bigger crush since the first time he stole something. but manage to stumble and fall on top of reader. Which reader was flustered and confused by the Miguel action.(for a reference for this request use megamind and the new reporter😭 but instead of using a human disguise.or miraculous ladybug☠️ 😭) and Miguel has Been in love with reader since he got save from a reader.from criminal or villain.and in Miguel eyes, reader was a good, sweet, caring person and the way she fighting the criminal and to him ….. it was sexy.and Miguel wanted was all reader attention.(and let be fr Miguel would be pervert nerd who’s follow reader social media just to see her face and fan girl about😝🤭)

so let just say he still got all he spider power and decided to move into a new apartment and when he was almost done moving…and reader was coming out of her apartment room to greet the new neighbor, and That when Miguel meet reader again.and god. when I feel like he would stutter, and say weird things, or random things to reader. As reader was looking at him with a confuse/surprise look. and Miguel knew he f$&k up so bad with his first small chat to reader who wasn’t even in work or wasn’t even saving any people.Miguel-“Dios mío … how the hell did I manage to f$&k this up … but this is perfect she my apartment neighbor” Miguel said in his mind.time skip😭😔,a few month in.and reader is having feelings towards her weird neighbor. who is just a mess. As she was telling Jessica about her crush.and Jessica is just laughing about it and saying to reader Jess-“ oh? ohh! Lorrrrd! Gurl this sound like some high-school crush all over again *chuckle*”.and reader would nudge Jessica shoulder and say “stop it…not funny” and pout about it and Jess wouldn’t stop till there caption called them into action on (the time was like 9:00 or any time would be good 😔) -#### ### #### street. and that where reader is trap with villain!Miguel.Which IN Miguel original plan he was going to have a nice chat, and want to tried find what reader like in general. in his villain side.(because he more serious about it 😭☝️idk). But some other sidekicks-villain…well not it just Layla playing a prank on them but Miguel didn’t know that. and what Layla decide to put was some fun gas🤭

Nfsw part: those fun gas was sexual drug that boosted there sexual desire for them and make them delusional or not idk☠️.(☝️😔 the same problem with all of us being delu BUT IM PROUD OF IT 🗣️) and reader was lucky enough to caught some of the gas.but Miguel. in the other hands wasn’t lucky enough and caught all the gas. after a an few minutes the gas went away.but not the effect that was going through reader body, her body was hot and the way room felt warmed and Miguel was hanging on the edge of the desk (the setting is that there in a abandoned office or building) and Miguel is busy panted, grunting, and is overall just so arousal same with reader but not that much that she lost control. Like Miguel did.

HOPE you enjoy the rest of your day and I hope you enjoy this request! Also I love your writing and i love the sailor moon theme 🫶 bye! [Fluff/smut any kink will be fine but I feel like breeding kink, or some overstimulation or some choking idk 🤷‍♀️ you can choose.but I hope you have a wonderful day 🤟]

I finally did it! I am so so sorry it took me so long to complete the request! I wanted to write my Halloween ones before the 31st, then I was hit with the craziest writers block of my life! I finally got over it last night and was about to get this out! I did change up some stuff a bit but I hope you still enjoy!

Criminal

criminal/villain!miguel x copFM!reader

Summary: Miguel hates cops, well all expect one...

Word count: 5,716

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Smut with Plot, Praise, Unprotected Penetrative Sex (wrap it before you tap it), Oral, Fingering, Cum eating, Sexy fun gas?, Breeding kink, Slight chocking, Slight Overstimulation. Miguel calls reader his 'good girl'.

The room is dark, and the sounds of whirling machines fill the space. The office-like space is filled with gadgets and an arrangement of computers, new developments in tech and torn apart failures. Then a low groan seems to light the room's holo-screens adding an orange glow to the space. 

Layla appears in a flicker glowing in her yellow light “Sooo, I’m going to take a guess and assume that the plan didn’t go well?” 

Another groan releases from the dark shadows of the room, and Layla rolls her eyes “Come on boss, no use sulking about it.” 

From the darkness his red eyes glow first, then he emerges from the shadows, the scowl of his face being reflected from the intimating mask. “Those damn cops…I hate those damn cops…they ruin all my plans…” Miguel grumbles to the AI as he walks to the Holo screens. 

Miguel O’Hara, better known as the allusive criminal mastermind, Spider-Man. Miguel had picked up the title when he received his spider-like abilities in a freak lab accident. Miguel was given a chance that people often dream about, the option to become a superhero and use his powers to protect the city he resides in. 

But…

Miguel didn't ask for these powers. 

Also, this was Neva York, a city filled with corruption, where, as Miguel was concerned, only the lowest of low resited. So instead of using his powers to help save the city, he used them to save himself, exclusively.  

“You know Miguel that isn’t true…you don't hate all cops,” Layla says with a grin 

Deactivating the mask portion of his spider suit, and scowling at Laylal he didn’t need her quips right now, with the night he'd had anything could set him off. Instead of falling for the teasing he grumbles to himself as he starts swiping away at his screens.

Miguel despises the cops, the goody two shoes always trying to ruin his plans. Having to evade them was an inconvenience and he hated being inconvenienced. Though he would never outwardly admit it, Layla had a point, he didn't hate all cops. There was one who was different, one who had snared him in their dazzling web of righteousness, you.  

Miguel remembers when he first met you, 

He had just gotten done stealing some new revolutionary tech from Alcamax. The cops were hot on his trail, running through the facility where he was avoiding capture. Not that those idiots could catch him. The goal was the exit to the roof so he could easily swing to freedom. Sharply turning corners and sprinting through the halls he knew he was approaching his escape. 

While quickly taking a turn that would lead him to the roof access he crashed into something or more like somebody…

A sharp squeak had been your first response to him crashing into you, caging you underneath his massive form. Urging himself to get up and run he instead found himself unable to. Feeling your soft warm body pressed against him had him ignoring all basic instincts. Don’t even get him started on your face, those wide doe eyes, your sweet lips sucking in a gasp, the slight red that was blossoming on your cheeks. It was impossible not to stare. 

Caught in the surprise you didn’t scream or speak at all, you just stared back with that adorable slack jaw expression. Breathing became slowly shallower as the moment lingered. So many thoughts went through his head: Tie you up? Talk to you? Take you? 

Finally, the moment was interrupted by your radio going off inquiring about your position. (underneath the enemy) Quickly rising to his feet he runs for the exit door. Against his better judgment, he turns around to see if you're radioing for backup, pointing your gun at him, or chasing after him. None of that is the case as he sees you staring at him with that shocked expression still plastered to your flushed face. 

Thinking back to the memory he feels his face warm slightly, he had been stuck on that moment since that night…

 “Layla, open file 10-7,” he commands, layla rolls her eyes with a smirk she knows exactly what file he wants to see.

The file is opened filling the holo screen, there is a lot of information and an arrangement of pictures, and what is this information and pictures of? You of course! Scrolling more he stops on your department photo, you're all done up in your uniform showcasing that beautiful smile. Were cops even allowed to be pretty? 

Since the run-in with you Miguel took it upon himself to look into you, what he found was a good-hearted caring person, you were a cop who was working for a corrupted city but your goodwill for justice was intriguing, you were one of the good ones, Miguel just couldn’t help himself with you…

“Have you been keeping an eye on her?” 

“Oh? Of your little girlfriend?” 

“Not my girlfriend…she's a damn cop..” a damn sexy one…

Layla drifts around looking at her AI-manicured hand, “Then I guess you don’t want to watch the video of her catching a suspect huh?” 

Miguel's ears perk up, “Show me…” 

“Nuh uh, magic word?” 

“Now!” Miguel slams his hands on the desk, and Layla scoffs at his temper. 

“Jeez, alright Mr. Pleasant, the magic word was please by the way”

Typing away at the screens Layla pulls up a video of you pursuing a thief. Miguel can’t help but get excited from seeing you in action. Never has he been attracted to anyone in uniform, but with the way your outfit hugged your curves and the way you moved, he was salivating. The suspect had turned to punch you but you quickly dodged (you must have taken some extra training from the last time he saw you). Dodging you grab the suspect's wrist twisting it into an armbar pinning them to a wall. Miguel can’t hide the excitement of watching you succeed. 

“That a girl” He whispers with his eyes lighting up, fist clenched tightly, an almost smile that looks like it teases at the corners of his lips. Quick to cover his excitement with Layla floating around he clears his throat going back to his usual expression. Little does Miguel know this is nothing new for Layla, she's well aware of his little fanboy tendencies when he thinks no one's watching. -He's so obvious. 

Saving the new video to the file he continues to scroll through watching videos of you, of your heroic escapades, Layla slowly drifts into his vision with a smug smile on her face, Miguel just rolls his eyes and scoffs. 

“Yeah Miguel, looks like you really hate cops…”

With his criminal lifestyle it's only natural he changes locations often to avoid the cops getting close enough to figure out who he could be. Sure it was a pain in the ass to have to move apartments every couple of months but it was keeping the cops in the dark and him free to continue his black market deals.  

The new apartment was nice enough, but he always made sure not to get too attached; it was temporary only. He had started to adjust to the new space, being here only three days. Unpacking, surveying the area, and avoiding neighbors. It was the same routine wherever he went, just be a ghost, unseen and unnoticed… 

A knock on the door is all it took to interrupt him from his daydream of a plan. Great…A nosy neighbor, that's the last thing he needs to muck up his plan. Heading to the door in an irritated rush he swings the door open ready to reject the pryer, the scowl on his face pressed firmly, till it's replaced to one of surprise. 

Miguel had to resist all urges to pinch himself, there you were, the face he had been staring at, the one he would see when he saw you on patrols, the one he would think about when those lonely nights were partially dreadful. He can’t help his eyes looking you up and down. He has only ever seen you in your uniform in person now you're dressed in your casual clothes, now to just see you in no clothes, then he could die a happy man. 

Clearing your throat he instantly straightens his back, he feels his hands suddenly become clammy, has he been staring too long? 

“Hello, I’m y/n, I live down the hall. I saw you moving in a few days ago and I just wanted to say welcome to the building.” your voice is like a drug, he could listen to you ramble for days about anything. But now he feels himself staring.

Shit! Quick, seem relaxed, lean against the doorway, leaning shows a chill individual that would be cool to hang out with. Miguel suddenly slumps his shoulder into the doorway in an awkward lean. The suddenness of the lean makes it look like he lost his balance and you jump a little at the action. Seeing your confused expression he tries to do something with his arms, he goes from them being straight against his sides to one being on his hip to finally settle them to being crossed against his chest. Nailed it. 

“W-well I didn’t realize y-y-you were the welcome committee,” he fumbles out.  Fuck! Stuttering now? Really? 

Looking at your face he sees it swarming with concern “Sir are you okay?” 

“yeah…just wondering why the universe hates me…” He lets out in a faint whisper

“What?” 

“Nothing…my name is Miguel…” 

Great, could he have fucked this up more? He's a damn criminal, he's been on top of you! Why is he acting like this? Before he can continue his inner lamenting, you let out a laugh. It's the sweetest cutest laugh he's ever had the pleasure to hear. 

“You're pretty shy, huh? Miguel?” 

Miguel can only smile down at your perfection, hearing your sultry voice finally saying his name. His heart feels as if it could burst at any moment “You have no idea…” 

“Well you don’t need to be shy around me, I was hoping we could be friends. Give me one second!” Miguel watches as you scramble back to your apartment. Of course, he's going to remember which one was yours, but just to keep tabs on you…nothing more…

Coming back out holding a Tupperware box, you quickly hand it over to him with that adorable smile. You're too sweet…

“I baked some cookies, hope you like chocolate chip” too sweet…

“Too sweet…” he mutters

“Oh, you don’t like cookies?” 

His whole body tenses, “No! I mean, I do…like cookies…I like sweets, I was just saying you're too sweet, Like these cookies…” Miguel holds up the cookies with a wide smile, can the universe just swallow him…he's acting like a damn idiot… 

You let out a laugh, sure, you're laughing at him but, he can't help how his chest pangs at the sound of your sweet voice and your soft face…he's got it bad for you…

“Well, thank you, I hope you enjoy them, hope they are not too sweet for you.” He swears you winked at him, or maybe it was just him hallucinating, maybe the whole thing was a hallucination. Watching you enter your apartment you wave bye, looking down he still sees the box of treats in his hand, nope this was real.  Back in his apartment he places the cookies on the counter and opens the container. The cookies are perfect, he takes one of the sugary circles and takes a bite. Dammit…It's fantastic….maybe he can stay here longer than he usually does….

“Sure, he's a bit…awkward but it's kinda sweet when he rambles plus sometimes he stutters.” 

You and Jess had no new duties at the moment so you decided to tell her all about your neighbor, it had been a month or so and you were getting quite close to Miguel. A nice neighborly friendship had blossomed between you two. Was he a shy rambling mess yes, but it was oddly cute…he was cute…and something about him…every time you saw him seemed so…familiar…   

“Oh man, sounds like your villain boyfriend has some competition” Jess smirks at you. Face dropping to irritation you're not amused by the teasing. 

“Will I ever live that down?” you grimace. 

Jess wraps her arm around your shoulder, “You're the one who let him go” 

“I was in shock, It was an accident, He fell on me! And even though he was masked…I could just feel his stare on me…so intense…” 

“Well let's hope we have no more intense moments with the criminal, captain was on your ass about it for weeks…” 

“I know…” You rest your head down in defeat on my desk, the interaction with the ever elusive spider-man had been plaguing you for months. Nobody could let go that you had let the criminal go. It's not like it was on purpose, he had taken you by surprise…with his solid body…pressed onto yours…his burning warmth almost scorching your skin. You have to shake away the thoughts remembering to get a grip. That guy was something else…

Jess just slightly chuckles patting your shoulder to bring you back from your thoughts, “Tell me more about your high school crush on your neighbor” 

You shoot her a look “It's not like that, he's just interesting and I like chatting with him in the hall.” 

“Sure totally, let me ask you this, do you walk slowly to your apartment to see if he will exit to get a chance to run into him?” 

Staring at her you avert your gaze feeling embarrassed she figured you out so quickly. Jess busts out in laughter “Sounds like a crush girl” 

“It's not a crush!” 

She smiles leaning in, mockery lacing her voice “Oh, stuck between the awkward nerd and the criminal bad boy, tsk tsk, sounds like a romantic drama.” 

Opening your mouth to rebuttal your radio goes off calling you and Jess into the captain's office, this discussion will have to continue later. 

Rushing into the captain's office he sits there with a very serious look on his face. “We think we finally figured out where that spider freak has been hiding. You two need to go to The Haverlands and check out the abandoned building on 5th street, report back your findings, understand?” 

‘Yes sir’ you and Jess say in unison. Turning to head out caption speaks up getting your attention

“And we don't want any mishaps like last time y/n..” you nod quickly and head out on your assignment, people were never going to let that go. 

“I don't understand, can't you just talk to her at the complex” Layla floats around Miguel's head as he types away at his screens seeming to be setting up for something. Miguel huffs and rolls his eyes at her comment, is she serious? 

“No I can’t, every time she's near I turn into a stumbling idiot. Though she may hate me, I can talk to her directly from behind the mask.” 

“So, you want to get closer to her? But the only way you can do that is by being a criminal?” Layla looks at Miguel confused “You humans make no sense..” 

“Look, I want to know more and this is how I can do it seriously, I have to find out what makes her tick, what makes her want to save this waste of a city.” Miguel pauses for a moment, sure, the plan was radical and the likelihood it would blow up in his face was high. There is just something he can’t shake, you're different from the other cops, from how you act to how you looked at him that day…he just knows there's something to you. “Now did you check that she was for sure coming?”

“I hacked into the system and saw that she was on the assignment with her partner.” 

“Good, we just need to get her alone, just need to set it up, don’t need anything messing this up” Miguel's stare was intense on the screen, this was important to him. It had to happen like planned no surprises.  

“Don’t worry boss everything will go on without a hitch” Layla smirks as she types away on the screens. Layla was up to something….

Everything was going as planned, you and your partner had arrived as anticipated. Miguel knew that you two were here to find his hideout, but he would never actually let that happen, this was just a front house he used to meet with dealers and coordinate business from. He's far too careful to have his actual hideout compromised. Though, if a particular cop were to wander in…he would not find himself minding too much…  

All he had to do now was wait as you made your way towards him. It was all going without a hitch, and he could hardly contain his excitement. Finally, you walk through the threshold of his office, the door quickly shuts and locks itself trapping you inside. Examining the room carefully you walked through trying to look for anything to show if the villain was there. Emerging from the darkness Miguel appears in his iconic spider suit. Face cover obviously. 

“Well, well, if it isn't the clumsy cop?” 

“Uh, you ran into me, spider boy” 

“Unimportant details” 

“Actually, important facts” 

Before you can even process, Miguel shoots his blazing webs forward and brings him suddenly closer to you. His tall figure standing over you takes your breath away. The shocked look on your face makes him grin from under his mask, it’s your turn to be the stumbling one. 

Without a second thought, Miguel is taking your gun from your holster, in case you have any ideas. Sliding the gun away he looks back at you expecting to see a look of fear, though he sees your face as fierce as ever. Such a brave girl…

“What's with the look?” he mocks in a cocky tone

“I’m not scared of you” Your eyes pierced through him, he could tell you meant business. 

“Oh? Well, aren't you a brave cop?”

“I’m not brave, I just think if you were going to do something you would have.” -damn, she's not wrong. 

“Why do you do this?” The sudden question catches Miguel off guard for a second. 

“Do what?” 

Gesturing around with your hands you look around, “this? Crime? You have abilities people can only dream about, why not use them for good?” 

Miguel scoffs “Is this you trying to convert me?” 

“This is me trying to figure you out so I can stop you from doing this.” 

Miguel starts walking closer causing you to back up, it's not until your back is against a wall do you stop. His large arms cage you between him and the wall.

Miguel's voice comes off gruff, “Let me ask you this, why do you do what you do?” 

“I want to help people” 

A laugh comes out of him “In this corrupted city?” 

“Not everyone is like that…plus you could help…” 

“Not my job to be a hero…” he leans in closer to your face, but you don’t back down. 

“But it's never too late to change your mind.” 

Miguel can't help himself from placing his fingers on your jaw tilting your head up further to meet his masked eyes. “Why are you so interested in me?” 

“I could ask you the same thing.” 

That smart mouth of yours…it's taking all his willpower not to taste you. Do you feel this passion too? This magnetism you two share? You have to…that's why you're not fighting him right? 

Before Miguel can respond to you a noise catches his attention…a whining sound? Looking up he sees wall panels moving, one happens to be directly in front of his face. What? 

In an instant, a white gas blasted out of the panels filling the room. From where Miguel was staring the gas had hit him directly. Stumbling back he tries to cover his face while you do the same. 

“What the hell is this gas?” you whine through the haze

“I don’t know, I didn't plan this!”

“What do you mean you didn't plan this!” 

“I’m saying all this is just as surprising to me as it is to you!” he coughs through the gas trying not to inhale more than he has, but it's no use. 

Rolling your eyes you keep your mouth and nose covered, “unbelievable” 

“I heard that!” 

“You were supposed to!” 

Miguel looks around wildly trying to figure out the cause, he goes to his desk to activate the holo computers but everything is down and not responding. Trying to urge them to work he feels a strange warmth growing in his chest, ignoring it he tries to get his bearings but that odd warmth is starting to feel like a slow burn. His abdomen is constricting in a deep knot, his hands are becoming clammy. 

What is this gas? What is this reaction? His body feels like lava is rushing through him. Looking over to you he wants to see if you're having the same reaction. Seeing you his breath stops and all the hot blood rushes down to his cock with a painful throb. Your body looks to be shivering a tensing as each second passes, Your face, your body, your damn smell, everything about you in this instance is calling to his primal desires, begging to be fucked. Slamming his fist down on the table he feels his cock throb violently. He needs to get control but as the room continues to fill with gas he feels his rational mind slipping to irrational thought. 

Talons scratching on the table, it's taking everything for him to keep himself together. It's not until a yellow glow catches his attention that he looks at Layla's smirking face that he begins to connect the dots to what this gas is meant for. An aphrodisiac …

“What did you do!” he growls 

“Well….I figured you two needed a way to let out all your frustrated feelings, so I’m just giving you two, a little nudge.” she winks and disappears. 

Of course, and what better way to get people to open up than having them drugged up with a lust mist? He needs to have a look at her program again. 

The room continues to fill with the white gas and Miguel and you can’t help but cough and try to not breathe in the gas. Miguel's whole body feels like it's on fire, breathing in the gas makes his chest feel like he's inhaling shards of glass, the pain being immense. Becoming lightheaded he leans on the desk to support his body, a ringing noise clouding his ears till he hears your sweet voice. 

Turning around still slumped on the desk he observes your shivering body, your hands are pressed to your chest, the pain probably also in your lungs, but the face you making…eyes hooded mouth hanging open as you stare at him, he can hear every breath you make, your mumblings sounding like sweet begging. Swallowing thickly he can’t help but feel his body tease as he watches you squirm around. 

Closing his eyes he tries to calm himself but all he can think of is you and how badly he needs to feel your cool skin, and you need to feel his hot body.  

The gas turns off and you and Miguel are still trapped in the room. Though the gas has stopped the damage has been done, His body feels like it's reaching a fever pitch, and you can not stop shaking and staring at the masked man hunched on the desk. Watching his rampant breathing and the way his chest falls up and down has your mind fogging.

“L-listen, we n-need to get out of here” you stutter out as you carefully approach him. 

Before you can even make it a few inches closer he's already on you, hand pressed to your throat. The feel of his burning heat on your cold skin has you whimpering a moan you can’t hold in. This is insane, he's a villain, you don't want this, but you do, you're desperate for more. The arousal is dripping from your cunt, it aches, and it yearns to be touched by him. Those lonely nights…thinking of his body rutting into you…your secret desires coming to fruition. 

The bottom of his mask disappears and he quickly kisses you in a burning passion, slipping his tongue in to get a taste of you. He softly lowers the two of you to the floor. The cool of your hands has him groaning from your touch, he needs to feel more, he needs you to cool his body. Equally as desperate for his touch you spread your legs for him to settle between, feeling him rub his hard length against your clothed cunt and he ruts into you against the floor. 

The gas has stopped now, and you're well aware of how crazy this all is, but the tightening around your throat, the teasing against your sex, and how his searing kiss was spreading warmth throughout your whole body, you couldn't help but succumb to the gas lusting your mind. 

Miguel is completely lost in his desires, getting sprayed directly in the face has only made his lust worse. His plus lips move away from your soft lips, a string of saliva keeping you two connected. Looking down at you he sees your pleading eyes, the gas has affected you both but he's still buckling into you like an animal. 

“I need you y/n, I can’t hold myself back, so please…let me take you or shoot me…” 

The desperation in his voice has your skin tingling, you understand his words but you're equally desperate, all you can do is run your trembling hands down his tight chest to his perfect abdomen. Your voice is a trembling whisper honeyed with desire, his heightened senses ring it through his ears. “Take me…”  

With that his suit is dissipating revealing his bronzed sculpted body to you, keeping the mask halfway on his face, of course… The clothes clad on your pricking skin are slowly shed and his warm lips trail over your cold skin. Both desperately hungry for each other the undressing is slow and controlled, building the tension for each other to a new high. Lifting your hips you aid him in shedding your pants, his massive hands hook into your panties, you can’t help your hips buckling as he peels the ruined panties from your slick sex. 

Warm hands squeeze your ass while his lips caress your hip bones. All you can do is whimper as he trails down to your sex. Not being shy, he presses his nose to your swollen clit taking in the scent of your desperate arousal, he swears he could burst from the sweet smell alone but a taste is what he's been craving for all these months. Not wanting to waste another second he licks the slick from your puffy folds, teasing around your tight slit relishing is how you whine and push closer to his face as he does. Before plunging the muscles inside he wraps his lips around your clit licking and sucking softly. 

Hands gripping your ass tighter he pulls you closer to his face, releasing your clit he plunges into your quivering slit, constricting around his muscle as he gets drunk on your essence. Maybe it's from the gas or maybe it's how he keeps expertly eating you out you're quickly coming on his face, letting the release out with a silent scream. Eagering licking up your sweet release he can't help but groan into you. The vibration makes your body shake with the slight overstimulation. But it's intoxicating.

“That's my good girl, fuck, you taste sweeter than those cookies…” Now maybe you're still too blissed out on your orgasm, but you swear you heard him say that with his two fingers now spreading you open, you can’t be too sure you could hear anything past his cooing and your shameful moans. 

Miguel could care less if you heard what he said or not. All he can focus on is stretching your tight cunt enough for him to get inside, he wants you desperately but he wants you to enjoy it with no pain. He wants to take care of his good girl.  

“Play with yourself,” He commands as he pumps his throbbing cock, using the dribbling precum to lubricate down to the shaft. Being the good girl you are you quickly spread your folds open and run your clit letting him watch your pulsating entrance. 

Lining up he slapped his fat tip against your cunt biting his lip as you tease and jumped at each teasing smack, overstimulating you further, “Fuck, you want me to stretch you out mi buena niña?” 

All you can do is nod fanatically whimpering out soft yeses, “Such a good girl, I’ll make sure to really fill you up” 

Your eyes go wide as he smirks stocking his thick length before brushing away your hands to line up to your slit. The thick tip nudges into your glistening hole, feeling him push through your clenching cunt you can’t help but arch from the stretch and how it's warming your whole body instantly.  

Pushing into you inch by inch he feels the burning in his body slowly dissipating as he continues his friction in you. Leaning down he peppers kisses along your collarbone going up to your neck, nipping and kissing his way to your ear. 

“Ah, you feel fucking perfect for me, do you know how long I’ve wanted you? And now you're mine” 

Thrusting deeper, you can't help but wrap your legs around him and hold tightly to his shoulders as he bullies deeper into your clenching cunt. Feeling your sticky lubricant drip down from his cock to your ass with each in and out of his cock.. Never have you felt so full and never has he felt someone quiver so tightly drenching his cock. you're sloppy wet for him and all you can think about is his hot cum painting your strained walls. Your body is begging for him to breed you, to fill you up as his. Maybe this is less the gas now and more your own desires. 

“You clenching so tight guapa, it's like you want me to breed you” 

His words have you looking at him with hooded eyes nodding breathlessly, oh? Miguel starts thrusting harder into you, speeding up his thrust rolling into you deeper, hitting your sweet spot making you choke out a moan as stars pluck at your vision. 

“Is that what you want? Tell me, beg me for it.”

His tip thrusting against your cervix now has your pussy clenching down on his cock, you can’t help but hold on to him tighter, digging your nails into his skin as you get fucked dumb, screaming out your response. 

“Yes! Pl-Please! Fill me up! I want to be so full!” if you were in your right mind you would have died from embarrassment. But Miguel absolutely loves your desperate pleas. 

Your body is starting to feel warm, the cold shivers being chased away by Miguel's cock bullying into your cervix harder than before. Miguel feels his fever coming down at his new pace, he watches as his cock sheathes in and out of your swollen cunt, and a white ring forms around the base of his cock, feeling your clench tighter he’s determined to fuck you through your organism and fill you up till its spilling out.

Like a crashing wave, your orgasm hits you, causing you to cum on the masked criminal. The organism has your body feeling fuzzy and blissed out, screaming in pleasure like an unashamed whore. Miguel's rutting finally stills as he feels his thick cum releasing into your gummy walls, he can stop himself from fucking the cum deeper into you, a primal part of him hopping it takes to claim you as his permanently. 

Finally feeling his burning heat disappear while you finally feel warm no longer shivering, you two stay in place, panting at each other for a moment slowly coming down from your highs and back to your senses. Finally pulling out Miguel watches as his seed spills from you, he has to restrain himself from wanting to push it back into you with his fingers. To his surprise, however, your hand reaches down to do the action for him. 

Miguel watches in awe as his good girl tries to keep herself full, overstimulating your abused cunt in the process as you shove the cum back into your puffy cunt. He's going to keep this etched in his memory forever. Leaning over you he gently takes your hand away. Bring your ruined fingers to his lips, he licks your fingers clean, then leans down to kiss your lips parting your mouth to slip the sweet and salty taste to your tongue. 

His suit quickly recovers him and he gathers your clothes and hands them to your bare form. “Get dressed, quickly” Leaning down he pressed a finger to your lips “And keep this a secret my good girl.” 

The blush on your face can’t be helped as he instructs you with subtle praise. As you're getting dressed, Miguel finally gets the room back in working order, opening the doors so he can escape. Before he leaves he looks back to you. There is so much he wants to say but everything is catching in his throat, it feels just like when he sees you in the halls.

 “M-maybe, I could be good…for you” With that, he quickly exits through an open door. 

Taken aback by the confession all you can focus on is the voice, the slight stutter and how familiar it was…

Finally dressed you make your way to find Jess, The encounter deliciously replaying in your mind. The parts you keep replaying on a loop? His voice, maybe it's time you do some digging to make some connections….It will have to be your secret though…

[forthechubbies]

Mommy Virgin ll // Alpha! Babydaddy! JJK x Pregnant! Chubby Reader

W! Strong Language¡!..Sexy buff men¡! Jk in uniform¡! Guess the guest star? Not a warning but 🤷🏽‍♀️

Pssst...if you're new, You might need this -> Mommy Virgin I

An eye-opening scenery opposite of once you closed them welcomed your weary eyes. The sun-kissed your chubby cheeks-Your..in a field...Again, your modesty was at stake this time around the bend.

The nightgown felt like a second layer of skin...clingy onto every curve on your body. You covered yourself from the chilling breeze.

Where's the solder? He didn't do this...Did he? But I would notice him carrying me.

Between the pervious nightmare and now, This place is heaven on earth-soft vibrate flowery fields was a sight for sore eyes. Yet, We all know since can change in a *Snap* especially in a dream.

"Are you alright?" This man was also dressed in military training attire. If his muscles and tattoos weren't intimidating enough then his piercings may do the trick...but he did had a charm to him. "Are you bleeding anywhere?" The soldier nonconsensually examined your bare legs something you didn't mind..honestly.

Only thing you could do was watch. You found yourself speechless over your new dreamland hunk much like Chu Buyeon. However Instead of long black hair, this guy's cut was short like the male leads in ceo themed K-dramas, his eyes were round and child-like, and his smile-

"Miss?" You appeared in a dazed state to the soldier. "Miss, I'm gonna take you with me for safety and medical treatment..."He attempted explained through your daydreaming.

As his large body crouch in closer, You sat still for the soldier as he carried you respectfully. He kept you close to his heart leaving you the perfect opportunity to read his name tag. Jeon.

About halfway through the journey you discovered a horrifying restriction in this dream, You weren't able to utter a word. You attempted to greet the soldier yet he didn't answer. He can't hear you.

"I'm sorry if I'm scaring you.." His voice was comforting. " I just wanted to get you into a safer place..not near the training grounds...it's not safe for citizens."

The soldier's handling of you resembles how a person treats glass.

Along the way, You can't help but notice his beautiful facial features. His brown eyes go deeper than you imagined, there's a cute mole under his bottom lip, a big cute nose, bunny teeth ♡ and chubby cheeks.

There's no way he's a soldier. You though throught the shock.

Before you could consent, you were in the arms of another man this soldier was bashful but crazy strong much like the bunny one. Woo read the patch on his chest. Woo's eyes widen at Jeon " Dude!" He was frantic. Women are strictly not allowed on base and for a good reason-the men. Woo restricted the entrances and blocked the windows. "What the hell?! Are you crazy or do you just have a death wise!?"

Woo kept his volume low ensuring he doesn't surprise you with his harsh tone to his comrade.

" I found her laying in the training fields. What else was I suppose to do, Do Hwan?.." Jeon took pride in lending you his aid regardless of the trouble that comes with you but it's not your fault in his eyes, you're a lost bunny (ironically). " If you were in my shoes you would have done the same thing." He stressed.

Woo could only sigh. "I'm sorry..I'm sorry.." He backed off - "It's just a really what the hell moment, right now."

" How do you think I feel? " Jeon added his horrifying experience. "I was scared shitless fucking running with her WITHOUT anyone seeing her." He reeks of fear.

Surprise! It's a Teaser! I'm sorry but it's more of a tester than Teaser. I'm getting writers block for this story but I love it so much. Please tell me if you like it.

[power-chords]

I’m reading a 1985 Joanna Russ essay on Kirk/Spock fanfiction because, you know, midrash paratext etc, and this shit goes so hard:

But that's not all that's in the material. In many ways the K/S world is a great advance over the standard romances. For one thing, there is explicit sexuality instead of the old Romances' one-kiss-in the-moonlight. And I believe Lamb and Veith see rightly when they describe the androgyny of the relationship, the impossibility (despite the coding into the Spock character of so many female traits) of assigning gender roles to either partner, ever—obviously this is very different from the romances, in which a woman's problems in life are solved for her by a dominant male. The K/S insistence that the characters be first-class human beings is inevitably compromised by the social necessity of awarding that V.I.P. status only to men.

To me one important conclusion we can draw from these stories is that sexual fantasy can't be taken at face value. Another is that no sexual cues are morally privileged (though some kinds of sexual behavior certainly are) since sexualizing any kind of behavior drastically changes the meaning of that behavior. Translated into real life, the "hurt-comfort" theme of K/S would simply be pernicious, from the woman who can do sex only under the guise of pity, to the lover who wants to keep her beloved dependent and powerless, in which condition she can then "love" the beloved. What excites in fantasy is both far more exaggerated than real life and not the same as in real life; that is, fantasy isn't just a vicarious substitute for real experience; its meaning as experience becomes changed when it's made into fantasy. Without understanding the rather complicated context of the fantasy, one "reads" it literally—like the woman friend of mine (new to Star Trek) who said in disgust that K/S was about rape and power games. This is simply not true in terms of the genre. In fact, the story that evoked this response is a classic K/S tale in which Spock goes into pon farr again after pages and pages of agonized misunderstandings, thus (thank goodness!) providing a way for the lovers finally to declare themselves and make out like crazy.

What seems to be happening in sexual fantasy is that any condition imposed on or learned with sexuality is capable of becoming sexualized, either as sex or a substitute for sex or as an indispensable condition of it. Such a process is certainly at work in the K/S universe. Yet it's perfectly clear to me that K/S writers and readers don't literally wish to become male any more than they literally want their dear ones to bleed and die in their arms or to die with their lovers. What they do want is sexual intensity, sexual enjoyment, the freedom to choose, a love that is entirely free of the culture's whole discourse of gender and sex roles, and a situation in which it is safe to let go and allow oneself to become emotionally and sexually vulnerable. The literal conditions and cues of the K/S world, far from being impeccably moral, are sexualizations of situations and behavior K/S fans did not choose and quite likely wouldn't want in reality. Moreover they are situations and behavior that are absolutely antithetical to getting sexual and emotional satistaction in the real world, which fact at least some of the K/S readers and writers know perfectly well.

[tearskillstardust]

🎐 WINTER FLOWERS AND AUTUMN LEAVES; k. kazuha

— summary; kazuha has very little in his life to hold on to, and when love leaves his grasp, he doesn't know what to do anymore. [povs switch frequently] modern au!

— !! tw: themes of— death, suicide, depression, implied sex, co-dependency, toxic relationship. !! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. — female reader. angst and emotional content. long read under the cut.

It was midnight.

When I was born, that is.

Of course I couldn't remember it, and I bet mother lied that she could just so she didn't look like an entirely awful parent. She recited the fact it was the most beautiful day of her life because she overheard women in crowded markets say that to their little five-year-old sons, but little five-year-old me still thought I was special. Apparently, I was a handful, and nothing had changed since.

I soon realized she mixed this beautiful day up with the day my father left her, which was only a week before. They'd argued: bottles smashed, tremors, pleading, front door slammed. She shut doors with special caution for eighteen years after that, nudging them slowly as they creaked one, two, three times into the doorframe whilst gently twisting the doorknob into place as if she were waiting for someone to knock again, letting them know she'd kept the door open for so long but would still let them slip through.

I never found out what they argued about. Me, probably. The smartest thing mother ever did was never tell me.

When I was six, seven, eight, nine, and ten, I'd gotten used to taking care of my mother, tipping water down her throat, carefully, both hands, the way I should've been practising on a doll. I used to go out and spend hours in parks with kids who didn't care about me just to come home to find her scattered on the living room floor. I didn't understand. Was I meant to? Mummy, why are you sleeping on the floor? Why were you sick? It smells of vomit in here, wake up—

I didn't go out very much after that.

But school and friends peeled me away from it. It was both terrifying and refreshing. The only thing was that nobody's parents were like mine—theirs were together. Proud. But I couldn't tell if they were happy. A slice of me well-kept in the ragged pocket in my chest hoped they weren't. It was selfish of me and I knew it but each time I watched someone's parents give their child a gentle smile or pat on the back, I felt like crying my ribs sore.

'Someday, Kazuha, someday,' you often rubbed my back soothingly when it happened.

Someday, I would echo silently, and like someone descending into anesthesia, I began to count backwards.

4 months ago.

'Why do you like winters?', Kazuha had questioned you once, a few months ago, playing around with a leaf in his hand. You couldn't help but look up from your book, only to find him resting against the tree, pondering something deeply.

You stared at him for a bit, at his serene beauty that seemed to be enhanced by the sun's dying rays as they shone over him, before going right back to your book. You shrugged, 'No deep reasons, I just like daffodils I guess.'

'And why do you like daffodils?'

You huffed, irritated but affectionate in the gesture, nonetheless. It was a certain difficulty about Kazuha that made him all the more endearing— but his own habit of over-romanticizing everything never quite appealed to you, nor could you understand where it came from.

For someone who had constantly been pressurized to be the best, you had no time for poetry and art— and he was born a poet. You were thankful for his existence and his acceptance for you, but the poet inside of him could never really be accepted entirely.

You looked up finally once you were done with your page. 'Why does it matter, Kazuha?', you said, never looking directly at him as you picked a lone flower on the ground. He stared on, curious.

'Everything withers when winter passes and returns with spring. Beauty blooms in summer and dies in Autumn. Your or my own preferences don't matter, nature remains undeterred.'

'Isn't their comfort in romanticizing life, though? Finding love and loss in our twilight existence.'

'So you just want to feel loved by giving adjective to natural things?'

He laughed at the simplification. 'No, but to be more direct, since you would like that, I merely like having natural memoirs to associate people and places with, so I tag them with adjectives. Much easier for a wanderer to keep, isn't it?'

You sighed quietly before smiling softly at him. 'You're at it again? Not everyone leaves, Kazuha. Some people come in our lives to stay,'

He smiled at your words, though the smile never quite reached his eyes.

3 weeks ago.

I had always loved stargazing. There was something about staring at the stars that shape our unfortunately funny lives and still deeming them worthy of our praise. Making them the base of our adoration.

I had invited Kazuha here, and though we had talked a lot initially, which ultimately led to kissing and to confession and to this— his head on my lap as I rested against the slide of the children's park, watching with him as the night zoomed by, suddenly every possibility of the future crossed my mind and I couldn't help the curious cat inside of me.

'Why would you want to be with me?', I asked, staring down at him.

Don't get it wrong— he is the love of my life. The most beautiful person I have ever known, ephemeral inside out. Perhaps that's the problem. He is like a songbird, and I am a hunter. Horses don't befriend the grass, but I fall deeper in love nonetheless.

Sometimes I scare myself— Will I ever be able to save myself from the depths I am venturing to? Will he reach his hand out? Will I be able to see him from the depths? Will it be too—

'I love you, that's why.'

What a lie.

'Huh?' I hadn't meant to say it out loud, but it would be for the best of both of us.

'You wouldn't think of suicide and then not think of me if you really did, Kazuha.'

He had nothing to say, he quietly stared on. More startled with the knowledge of my awareness than looking for an answer.

But I could not blame him, I had nothing to say either.

I pressed my lips against his in that moment, not realizing I had been crying until he wiped the tears with his thumb. He kissed with a passion, pouring himself out, as though saying all the words through this kiss then he would ever have time to before he left. He always kissed deeply— but right now he did it as though he was desperate to tell me his tale of love.

But I had stopped believing him after a point, and my own support remained these small physical exchanges that we would have; away from the world, under the stars, hoping they would have some pity on us. On me.

'Do you really love me, Kazuha?', I asked when he pulled away, our breaths mingling in an intimate dance of fire and ice. His touch lingered a bit too long on my exposed neck, and I knew part of what was coming.

He remained quiet when I wanted him to answer, before pushing me down on the grass, continuing the kiss. I was the songbird perhaps.

Curiosity killed the cat.

1 day ago.

She wasn't the same after that.

After we slept together, that is.

I had not wanted to hurt her, but only yesterday as I thought over everything once again, I realized how selfish I was. How filthy. Her purity had always been a source of utmost awe for me, as I stared at her skin, free of sin. But it had been foolishness on my side— I should've known my hands would burn against her skin. I should've steered away, but then she stepped in the lion's den like a willing sacrifice.

My mother had said it to me once— it's easier to solve conflicts between lovers if you sleep with them, albeit half drunk.

She was wrong about it.

She was so wrong about many things.

But like a desperate man drowning in dark waters, I clawed at whatever I could take and she, the love of my life, gave me whatever she could before the waters reached waist-deep and I pushed her away.

When we shared a bed, she was the last to sleep. I wasn't a mind reader but I was nearly certain I knew her every reason for muffling her wails in her blanket. I wanted to get up and say something. But when I went to Germany, Greece, then Italy, I needed her to feel nothing but relief. The euphuism had been funny, but she saw right through it.

The moon tutted at me, the sun nearly ready to rise over her, trees leaning over in private chatter, whistling together, chiming their little criticisms as the sinners—suicide and homicide—stared at each other.

I had always dreamed of how today would be ever since I had made up my mind. Dying was never easy, no matter how badly you desired peace. Instincts could never be stopped. Drowning, cutting, burning, suffocating— I tried everything in the same order, then backwards, then all at once. But even my self-loathing was not strong enough to betray my instincts.

She found me once— laying in a pool of my own blood. I had never seen her crying before, she'd been desperate, desperate to do anything, to scream, to cry, to shout but the night was a trap on us that doused her voice and she was left with all but one person to rely on— herself, as she carried me to the hospital.

If the Hindus were right, I was worthy of being a Hemlock in my next life. Cursed to eternal damnation by the gods— a life devoid of love, adoration or beauty. Only the winter for company and solace.

Such thoughts did not scare me.

She did not cry tonight, only packed her bags and left.

7 hours ago.

I folded over into her like a secret billet-doux. I was unbelievably small next to her, my words just as frail as I was. She wanted us to break up. I knew she did, I just wanted to be happy in my last breaths by playing a game of pretense.

'Can you hold me until I'm completely gone?'

Her brows furrowed, eyes devoid of their usual kindness. 'Kazuha.'

She said my name without anything attached to it, like those three syllables meant everything between ardour and despair.

'I know you hate me,' I reassured her, 'I only want to pretend I'm not alone for a moment.'

I began to cry. Am I that insignificant, God? Am I easy to kill?

But to my surprise, she let my head grate against her chest, soft fingers knotting through her jumper, crying, screaming, let it all out, I want to see you hurting darling, let everything go while I take it from you, our final reconciliation, my love.

             But then she let go of me and death held me, tightly, like she was suffocating me, like this was the first and last time she'd ever hold anyone, like murder was primal and she wouldn't shy away from its beckoning voice, like a siren, a mother, a ghost, with the blade to my neck, her final judgement on her tongue—

Let go of me, my love, for this is where I die.

Now.

Autumn. His favourite.

I always had one complaint with Kazuha— he was bad with goodbyes. For someone so poetic, it was a bit ironic even, but I hated how he simply left, walked away as though that was all there was to it. He never turned and smiled, waving back gently with a promise of return, however fake might it be.

Anybody would say he looked peaceful. He's poetry in a face. His lids unfold over his eyes like broken shutters, and it looks like a sigh has prised his mouth open. If you stare hard enough, it looks like he's breathing.

He didn't die like that. Death had to pull the shutters down. She had to draw his mouth shut, but the wind seized it again. She had to scrub the tears and saliva from her skin. Otherwise, it looked like a struggle. It wasn't. He'd given in and told me not to interfere.

As I stared at his coffin, his resting place, I couldn't help but feel repulsed at the muddy brown. It takes place in a church, like most things do. According to Kazuha, his mother is God-fearing, although I don't think he meant it in the conventional sense. Rose just dreads what God will do to her for all her sins, not that she ever made an attempt to repent. The woman is a filthy hypocrite like all cowards are. In turn, her son was taken from her.

Quel dommage.

Surprisingly, I didn't find tears to cry. I came for the same reason as everybody else—curiosity, guilt; not love though. Very few attended because everyone liked Kazuha. It was like he was a discarded newsprint, not a person.

I had cried all I could, wanted to, weeks ago. I knew what was coming— so did he. Neither of us cried when we accepted our fates because we had read it under the stars we made love under for so long. There wasn't guilt in him as he sinned, which made him so corrupt— and there wasn't regret in me as I turned away, which made me, oh, so pure.

I felt violated.

I don't mention it when I visit his grave, though. I hadn't come to hate him, he was wrong about that I'm afraid. I had come to see him for who he was— pure as a fire but feeding on impure things, and I prayed for hours, hands folded, knees scraping against cold, harsh marble as I cried, as I waited, only for the smallest of whispers to infiltrate my mind—

God is dead.

Should I have followed?

there we go! idk if this is exactly what anon was expecting but when i was writing fluff, i suddenly wanted to add angst and it turned into this. thank you very much for your request though! as a treat, i'll also publish some cute kazuha stuff later lmao.