#kaleidescope of death

[strangesheelf]

Ruan Baijie, who was dressed in her pajamas and was sprawled on top of the beddings, wriggled and whined, “Qiushi, it’s so cold, ah.” Lin Qiushi was still in the process of scrutinizing the curtains. He didn’t turn his head around after hearing her complaint. “Wear more clothes if you’re cold.” Ruan Baijie: “… You don’t have a girlfriend, do you?” Lin Qiushi was utterly baffled. “Girlfriend? Why do I need a girlfriend?”

Kaleidoscope of Death, Xi Zixu

Chapter 3

[mejomonster]

Okay so clearly I need danmei recs that are enemies to lovers or at least "mutually suspect each other" to lovers. I like the slow burn it creates, the suspense that their developing crush might be on the enemy/bad guy, that sort of thing. I think that's part of why I like Silent Reading Zhoudu (the possibility of Fei Du actually plotting crimes is delicious and i Eat Up that dynamic), Guardian Weilan (they're both feeling each other out and investigating), 2ha (Mo Ran starts the novel right off with: I died for this man but I also HATE him and that's a very intriguing hook for me)

So any other danmei that have this in the dynamic?

[justgowithitplease]

The Only One Is You

Part: 1

Title origins: Kaleidescope - Chappell Roan

Warnings: Language, Mentions of death

Wally sat on the bench, watching his team, Split River Devils, go against another, chasing down the football field as the people in the stands cheer them on.

"Let's go, 20! Hey, watch 12, Watch 12!" He yells at his team, clapping his hands

"Hey, Wally, what's going on?" A voice behind him sounds. Wally whips his head around and his eyes meet the sight of his mother, scarf and hat adorned with the blue of the Split River High Devils uniforms

"Mom, you should not be down here." He says, more annoyed than concerned, turning back to look at the feild

"And you shouldn't be on that bench." His mother responds, looking up at the field from him as her eyes trace the plays the team was doing

"Where's Dad?" Wally asks as he looks back at the stands for a second before looking at his mother

"He's up there, and he agrees with me, OK?"

"Well, Mom, Coach wants me to rest my knee, so..."

"Well, you know what they say. You can rest when you're dead. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No. No, don't... don't talk to the... OK, you know, Mom, he said he's gonna put me in later, so you don't have to worry about it."

"Later doesn't win scholarships, Wally. OK?" His mother says as she pats his shoulder

"OK, well, I think he's right."

"Honey, if Coach was always right, he'd be coaching in the pros and not benching high schoolers."

"He's still my coach, I'm gonna listen to what he's saying." Wally says

"You're a star, And he needs to play you. Now you just march over to him and tell him you're fine, all right? Tell him you want back in. And make me proud" His mother says before turning around and walking back into the stands. Wally looks back at her for a second and sighs before taking a drink of water, wiping off his neck with a towel. He pushes himself off of the bench and onto his feet.

As he walks towards where his coach is, he looks into the stands and locks eyes with the love of his life. Her. Gorgeous beautiful perfect her. His perfect girlfriend, [Reader], was sitting in some of the back rows of the stand, a blue 57 painted on her right cheek, and one of his hoodies covering her torso. She was looking out at the field, eyes looking slightly concerned before they look at him. She grins, pinching her bottom lip between her teeth slightly. She waves her hand and yells out his name, her voice getting lost within the many screaming others.

He waves back excitedly, raising his eyebrows twice in mock-flirting before lowering his hand jogging over to his coach.

"Hey coach, put me in." Wally says to his coach, grabbing his helmet and mouth guard

"Wally, your knees been acting up and I can't risk my star player." his coach, Coach Jervis, says

"it's better now." Wally tries to convince his coach "and we're down five points I can get us back triple in no time."

"...fine. but at the first sign of pain, you run your ass off the field." His coach says before calling a time

Split River High's football team, the Devils, runs to the sidelines at the Time-Out buzzer. They all grab their water bottles and clatter around the coach, eager to hear what's going to happen

"Okay. Team. Freund, you're out. Clark, you're in. We'll do play 6." The coach says, his words being met with cheers by the team. The referees call for the timeout to end, and the team runs out onto the field.

Wally puts his mouth guard and helmet on, then turns to the stands and waves at his girlfriend again, eyes attempting to memorize the way her face looks at him. As if to tell him to go sit down. He shakes his head 'no' softly, blowing her a kiss before running out onto the field. He sees her smile softly and blow him one back before he turns around.

As the teams line up against each other, Wally sees the other teams defense, including a large and broad shouldered blonde boy, who was glaring daggers into Wally's soul. Wally feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, but he puts it out of his mind, focusing on the play.

The buzzer sounds, and his team Members infront of him call out what play they're doing before the ball is tossed backwards to him. As soon as the ball is in his hands, he's running for the end-zone. He's sprinting with all of his energy, the game almost over. And his knee starts to hurt, but he's almost there. He keeps running through the pain, and he hears the cheers from the stands.

He reaches the five-yard-line, and his knee falters for a second. He feels something hard hit him, and he hears a crunch, and he's laying on the ground, the blonde boy from the other team next to him. There's screams from the stands, ones filled with curse words and ones filled with terror flying around.

"Hey! Hey, hey! I-i-i'm good, people!" Wally sat as he stands up and waves towards the stands, rubbing his neck slightly. But no one seems to see him do that, they're all focused on the defensive player who's getting up and screaming right now.

"D-dude? What's wrong are you hurt?" Wally asks the defense player. He tries to grab his helmet to make sure he has air, but it remains on his head. But there's also the same helmet in his hands. It's like it's a copy he just created.

"What the fuck...?" Wally mutters to himself. He looks up at the screaming stands again, and tries to be heard by anyone out there.

"HEEEEEYYYY! HEY! IM RIGHT HERE!!" He screams at the top of his lungs. He sees his teammates on the field all take off their helmets and surround something on the field. He looks at his team, then back at the stands where his mom is running down from. Wally ultimately decides that he'll meet his mom on the field, so he heads over to his team, trying to see what they're looking at. He finds a gap, and looks to the centre of the circle. He can see the blue of a Devils jersey, but that raises more questions

'The whole teams here' he thinks 'who the fuck is that?'

He looks towards the face of the mysterious Devil's player, and drops the helmet in his hands. His hazel eyes stare at the sky, empty and unmoving like his body. Wally feels something constricting his throat, stopping his breathing. He grabs his neck and tries to take deep breaths as he takes steps backwards.

He looks over to the sidelines, and he sees his mom and girlfriend running over. He runs over to them and tries to hug [Reader], but a copy of his hoodie comes off in his arms as he passes through her. He looks down at his hoodie, then back to where [Reader] and his mom were running. They break through the crowd of teammates and see his body.

[Reader] freezes for a second before dropping to her knees and gently pulling Wally's body's shoulders and up into her lap

"...baby? Baby that's not me..." wally says softly as he walks over "baby that's not me and you know it..."

But it seems like no one can hear him. Not even [Reader].

"Wally, baby. Cmon. Wake up sweetheart." His mom says as she gently pats the side of his face

"Mrs. Clark I don't think he's gonna respond..." [Reader] says softly

"Shush, girl. He's my son. lemme tend to him." Mrs. Clark says

"But-" [Reader] tries to protest before being cut off by ambulance sirens

Wally listens to this conversation, nervous as to what's going on. Was this some sort of accidental astral projecting thing while he was knocked out? Did his friend slip him some weed earlier and not tell him?

All those thoughts are cut off by ambulance sirens as one rolls onto the field. The paramedics shoo everyone away and one starts to examine Wally's body as another rolls out a gurney.

"Is he gonna be okay?" His mother asks, which is met with a look between the paramedics

"You should come with us." The paramedics say "Does he have any other family that should come with us or could meet us at the hospital?"

"Yes. His dad and...Just his dad." His mom says, giving [Reader] a side glance for a split second

"What?! Mom now isn't the time for your bullshit vendetta against [Reader]!" Wally yells at his mother as he looks between his mother, his body on the gurney, and his girlfriend who doesn't seem all there right now.

"Mrs. Clark, where are they taking him." [Reader] says, eyes glassy and dazed over, her voice airy and detached

"Nevermind you, girl. Go home." Mrs. Clark says harshly

"Please-" [Reader] tries to protest

"HOME!" Mrs. Clark screams at the girl as she walks over to the ambulance

[Reader] looks at the ambulance as it starts to drive away, then back at the emptying stands, and the teachers and referees guiding everyone out. She slowly walks forwards towards the stadium exit, eyes glossed over and body shaking like it was a blizzard outside.

"Baby cmon. You can't let her talk to you like that!" Wally yells "and why can you hear me?! Goddamned it! Not even you?!"

Wally chases after her, still holding the copy of his hoodie. [Reader] crosses her arms and walks out of the stadium, towards the road towards the front of the school where her car was parked.

"Baby this isn't FUCKING funny! GODDAMN PLEASE JUST LOOK AT ME!" Wally screams as he follows his girlfriend, who seems unable to tell that he is there at all

"[READER] COME ON!" Wally yells again, trying to grab the hood of his hoodie she was wearing, but ending up just making dozens of copies

[Reader] walks towards the road and stops at the curb. Wally stands right behind her, pleading for her to turn around.

"Baby please I'm sorry for yelling. Just turn around and everything will turn back to normal. Baby please. [Reader] I'll do anything you want. I just need you to look me in the eyes and tell me that I'm not crazy and that everything's gonna be okay...please..." he begs as [Reader] looks up and down the road, making sure none of the student cars are coming.

He sees her take a step down from the curb and towards her car. He steps forwards to try and grab her, but he appears back on the field.

"...the fuck?!" Wally says.

He turns towards the stadium exit and runs out of it, and towards where [Reader]s car was parked. He sees her in her car wiping her eyes as she sobs.

"[Reader]!" He says as he tries to run over to her car. But as soon as he steps off the curb he's back at the stadium.

So he tries again.

And again.

And on the fifth try, it feels like someone shot him.

"FUCK!" He screams, gripping his chest, tears welling in his eyes "Goddamn..." The pain quickly subsides, and he could very much try again, but he doesn't. The third try you had already left. The fourth try everyone was gone. He's alone on school grounds now, with no one to comfort him, and no idea what in the hell was going on.

[speaker-of-the-void-cats]

Seeing the murals above the Veil enclosure

These murals are loaded with meaning. My feeling's been that they represent the Veil in many ways. For one, we have the duality of Light and Dark, not opposites, not the same, but a dyad, essential to each other, joined by the thinnest of lines. We see this in the middle mural where people hold the pillars up, separating above from below, Heaven from Hell.

Cousin Asher, you would find the concept of vacuum welding upsetting—press two sheets of metal together in void, and their atoms cannot tell which sheet they belong to. They cross freely. The two become one.

We see this again in Avalon, a side that looks like Egregore and a side that looks like the Tree of Silver Wings. A pillar sits behind. A sun hangs above. It is impossibly white.

It makes me think of the blight in the Nokris fight in Arrivals and in the battleground this season. It looks like a sun. It looks like it's been Taken.

Turn the Veil vertically like in the Ishtar Facility and what do you get?

A chalice holding the souls of all who have gone before. It rests in an unfamiliar place, a place it does not call home.

An hourglass of Light|Dark, ticking away time, life, death, until nothing.

Only two others have transcended their design. The first, an hourglass counting down with infinite patience. The second, a forgotten blade sharpened anew. And now, the Dredgen. Visit us again. We wish for you to understand what we understand. For now, it is my purpose to speak to you and you alone… but only if you remain worthy.

A pillar holding all the universe within itself, but also keeping it woven together, held aloft by those who struggle in the realm between life and death, god and man, here and beyond.

What happens if that pillar crumbles?

There's been a lot of invocation of Unveiling, the Garden, and implications that there's a bigger picture we're missing lately. We heard from the Veil's artist that it is represents "the mind and memory of the universe."

Truth to Power talks of black hole super computers and the idea of the data of all life being archived, of how

YOU MUST CAST ALL THE LIFE YOU CHERISH INTO A BLACK HOLE.

We've seen "black box" archives for destroyed civilizations discussed all over.

WHO|WHAT|WHERE IS OXA|TAOX

U. "Black holes are the densest possible computers in the physical universe. They are also the most secure, since they can be made to retain their information until they evaporate in the deep cosmic future. The Hive operate small singularity computers, such as the World's Grave, and the Vex sometimes pack enough energy and information into a small area of spacetime to collapse it into kugelblitz black hole like the one you can see outside. But a true stellar-mass or galactic-mass black hole computer is inconceivably more powerful.

"If Savathûn plans to predicate her existence on the concealment of her secrets, as Oryx predicated his upon the sword logic, it would be logical for her to safeguard her deepest secrets and her throne world in a supermassive black hole computer. To defeat her would require a journey below the event horizon and the exposure of her most jealously guarded truths." GOTO R.

Z. You leap from the Tower and escape Quria's simulation.

What is that purple and pink kaleidescopic energy in the dark, egregore goblet of the Veil? When Ghost links to the Veil, that energy seems to be what rockets to the Traveler and pierces it, allowing the Witness to part the curtains of reality and enter somewhere above and beyond us.

And then Nezarec, Master of the Void is freed. Wardcliffe Coil's lore refers to the Void as the basement of the universe. Inanna/Ishtar is thought of by Savathun in reference to the Veil and Neomuna, which Osiris hears as well. He then speaks of myths of the underworld. Katabasis. Hades. Hell. Perdition. The inferno. The Abyss.

O: [sips tea] Though my senses were darkened, that much was clear through the murk of her throne world. There was a secret she kept veiled, even to the last.

O: [sighs] I do not fully understand what I saw, and for a Human to understand a Hive mind... How many legends of katabasis do we have, Ikora?

I: We currently have dozens of stories about descending to the realms of the dead, though research has indicated many more must have existed, lost in the layers of Human history we will never lay eyes on. Mathematically, there were likely hundreds.

I: [pauses] Inanna and Dumuzid and Geshtinanna, Orpheus and Eurydice, Izanagi and Izanami, to name a few. Gods and goddesses, mortal and immortal lovers, always seeking to descend and return with the lost.

O: And neither the lost nor those who searched for them were ever returned the same.

I:...Is that how you think of yourself?

O: [scoffs] Do I sound that dire? All Guardians, all Lightbearers have done as much. But others, well... I wonder, do our former enemies have similar stories...

I: What exactly are you getting at?

O: Frequently, the underworld—or those realms beyond mortal existence—possess wisdom the living do not. What then, is knowledge from a dead Hive god vested in deception.... [long pause]

I: So. Neptune, and secrets.

O:...Inanna...

I: What is it?

O:...A thought. An echo of one. The return from the underworld, and Inanna cast off her veil... It makes sense. I did not understand, when I first felt clutching whispers. Carrying wisdom away from Kur when she strode into the sunlight again.

Ishtar entered the underworld and faced seven gates. At each gate she was stripped of clothing until she entered into that place naked and alone.

If you do not open the gate for me to come in, I shall smash the door and shatter the bolt, I shall smash the doorpost and overturn the doors, I shall raise up the dead and they shall eat the living: And the dead shall outnumber the living!

She is killed. After three days in death, she is rescued by two beings sent by one of the gods

From Wikipedia:

After Ishtar descends to the underworld, all sexual activity ceases on earth. The god Papsukkal, the Akkadian counterpart to Ninshubur, reports the situation to Ea, the god of wisdom and culture. Ea creates an androgynous being called Asu-shu-namir and sends them to Ereshkigal, telling them to invoke "the name of the great gods" against her and to ask for the bag containing the waters of life. Ereshkigal becomes enraged when she hears Asu-shu-namir's demand, but she is forced to give them the water of life. Asu-shu-namir sprinkles Ishtar with this water, reviving her. Then, Ishtar passes back through the seven gates, receiving one article of clothing back at each gate, and exiting the final gate fully clothed.

Eliksni servitors contain a record of their people, archives of those who have entered into death before the living. They are built in the image of the Traveler, a great machine with an unknown purpose, but which has exhibited a drive to protect and preserve life, all life, whether we understand its actions as such or not. It has shown, time and time again, a willingness to throw itself in front of the blade, for us. Its neutronium shell is heavy, dense beyond imagining. It's movements do not come without great effort and intent.

I believe the Witness has, in linking Ghost to the Veil, created a union of two types of records of civilization. One, the record of death, the other, the record of life. The Witness has entered into the Void, the afterlife, underworld, basement, and end of the universe, in order to face the greater gods. Or maybe, to unleash them...

Things I saw inside A wild river and a broken dam (or maybe it's just the sea crashing through a narrow gap I can't be sure). Waves slam through the gap and where they hit the stone they throw up pillars of spray that pierce the mist and crash down in thunder. There's a giant in the cataract, trying to wade against the current, and I can tell it wants to reach the lever and pull the lever which will seal off the flow or maybe give it the sword, but the torrent throws it back so it just keeps its head down and tries to push on. I can't see the face but it breathes out white smoke. I feel for it hard. A world painted around the interior like a stranger Earth everted and glued inside itself but I don't believe this one it's too much like a metaphor. A switchboard or a train station, empty, dead (waiting). The tunnels branch off into infinity. I stare down one for a long time and see a pale worm move in hungry coils around itself. I think this one is the most likely although I might have brought the worm. An egg but I'm not sure if the broth inside is warm still, or if it's gone to rot, or if the warmth comes from the struggles of the tiny winged zygote or the bleed from the wound or the thoughts of something thinking very hard. A star I think. We count on stars as steady friends because they always rise and always shine but a star's a delicate truce: an explosion caught by its own mass so that it can't erupt and can't collapse. Thus I imagine the state of the machine might be. But one force or another has gone awry and now it rests here, snuffed and broken, waiting for the two rival forms of ruin to be set in balance again.

Ghost Fragment: Mysteries 2 — Ingress via dreams alone

[corvus-rose]

Talking About My OCs

I am one of those obnoxious kaleidescopes who makes AUs of AUs in a fractal fashion of these two, but they're recognizably the same characters in all of them. anyway, here's the two I keep posting about on occasion on this particular blog, and the jot notes are things that are basically always true regardless of verse/canon.

Vayu/Manyuvya/Yuya

(he/him)

Trans dude going through the horrors, be they literal horrible flesh-eating monsters or making a phone call

Quiet and restrained. A few causes and a handful of people (one of them Eden) have his devotion above all else. Once given, that devotion does not waver. A bit of a caretaker, a bit dependent: has low self esteem, hates feeling like a burden, hence, service.

Determined to see things through to an end, trying as many times as it takes. Not even the threat of harm or death is a deterrent. He puts those he cares for above himself, very self sacrificing.

Ultimately wants a stable, comforting life. Clings to what scraps of that life he already has, being generally unwilling to change them or risk endangering them. Very protective, rather anxious.

An outdoorsy type. Often a hunter by profession, but almost always vegetarian (for personal reasons, rather than ideological or religious ones).

Bi-ace, complicated relationship to sexuality and romance. Gender is straightfoward, but he kinda chafes against others' concept of masculinity, and that intertwines with said complicated sexuality and romance.

Some hobbies he often has are reading (especially poetry), whittling and carving, video games in modern settings (with a fondness for boomer shooters)

Motifs: fire (from embers to funeral pyres), dogs

Some Things Yuya Has Been: a vessel for divinity on a quest to save his dying homeland and deity, an unfortunate who got kidnapped to Faerie and changed by it, a lonely hunter on-the-verge-of-becoming-a-werewolf

Eden

(they/she/fae, +others depending on context and canon, flowchart may be required)

Nature deity(?) whose fuckups and bad days may be quite literally earth shaking, to their dismay

A bit mercurial and moody, their attitude to others is a reflection of the others' attitude towards them. They want to be a kind, altruistic person, but they find it difficult. Quick to act, quick to regret, quick to change and doesn't know who they are at their core.

Treads softly and at a distance, hyper-aware of their ruinous power - but also filled with whims, passions, desires to experience and learn everything and anything. Still, one has responsibilities.

At their core, wants a stable and comforting life, but hates feeling stifled, or at a dead end. They want a home waiting for them during their adventures, a baseline to return to from the highs and lows.

Often some manner of immortal, but can never remember their entire life. They get flashes of wisdom or memory, and can hold grudges for a long time, but it all fades eventually.

Complicated genders and relationship to romance and sexuality. Orientation is best described as some form of pansexual. Gender expression is unfortunately often flattened down to "woman" by others.

Some hobbies they often have are music (listening to and attempting to play), card and board games, gardening (perhaps "cheating" by using their power over nature)

Motifs: trees, cracked statues, flowers (lotus)

Some Things Eden Has Been: the guardian and personification of a dying land, vaguely eldritch fae royalty in exile traveling through dreams, a witch and child of the forest (literally their mom's a dryad)

Eden and Vayu are part of a romantic pairing (do not separate them). Often, they're married. Vayu feels understanding and protective of them, and Eden feels safe and at home with him.

[ghooostbaby]

i do enjoy serving myself easy no-pressure huaxuan touch and intimacy

i like the idea that from the time they meet (shortly after he xuan's death, centuries before xie lian's third ascension, i've so far written a post of just one of many optional head canons i have of that) being together is not something they're focused on particularly, but something that evolves kind of unthinkingly after years of knowing each other and both perhaps being a little lonely, wanting some comfort while they wait for their core desire to come within reach

and so its just kind of easy and not meaningful but nice, hua cheng putting his arm around he xuan while they're having dinner, he xuan leaning back and resting again hua cheng's shoulder after they've eaten and are just being cozy.

(most of the time they get together involves food :P)

i also head canon that he xuan lives in the wilderness for a long time after he becomes a ghost, but once he knows hua cheng he visits the city for little outings

when he xuan's form is more stable, hua cheng coaxes him into coming to hang out at the newly set up gamblers den, but he xuan hasnt been around people for a long time and gets a bit overwhelmed by all the noise so hua cheng yells at everyone to gamble silently and brings he xuan behind the curtain to relax on some comfy cushions as the ghosts whisper-gamble. they lay side by side just hanging out in a comfortable not-necessarily-romantic physical intimacy sort of way.. and/or hua cheng orders a feast for them. (hua cheng just wants to PROVIDE ok, he needs an outlet if he can't meet xie lian for 800 years)

i think once they become sort of fixtures in each others lives, they start to explore their forms together. hua cheng has been around for a while (maybe its already after mt tonglu if he already has ghost city relatively up and running? what is hua cheng's timeline with this? although i don't really care how closely fitting w canon my huaxuan dreaming is...) he xuan only recently got powerful enough for physical form and hua cheng kind of enjoys witnessing him figuring things out. although hua cheng has his own forms he really likes by now, with his red and silver and butterflies, he humours he xuan to go for water monster swims together, because he xuan really loves being a monster.

hua cheng marvels at this, he thinks he IS monstrous and has always been drawn towards forms and adornments of glamour and beauty in resistance to his own monstrosity, realizes while playing with he xuan that he hates the feeling of being a real monster. but hua cheng is still amazed and a little warmed by little ghost he xuan's enthusiasm for monstrosity.

maybe one time he xuan transforms to a creepy camouflaging bottom dweller sea monster and hua cheng is the most frilly, ethereal, kaleidescope colour changing sea creature. he xuan is all, can't take you anywhere hmph! but they go for a swim together.)

after a few times hua cheng decides monster jams are not for him. maybe after declining to be a monster in future hua cheng gives he xuan the bone dragons so he has water creatures to swim around with, and he xuan is like i can't accept this and hua cheng is like * shrugs * you'll pay me back one day

hence the centuries running joke that never ends. where hua cheng keeps giving he xuan things and saying i'll add it to your debt. (he xuan is a spoiled ghost baby and has no issue with it ^^)

i will never shut up about the idea (not mine) that hua cheng invokes "the debt" to make himself feel comfortable that he has control, when mostly all people other than xie lian were so cruel to him, and he xuan lets it be, that and perhaps he was such a well-loved golden son and he's just like "well yeah, i should get stuff".

lifting this straight from the conclusion of @muigiel 's brilliant quanyinxuan fan fic ... (maybe i'm a fan) but in a more canon compliant reality than the one i've been dreaming of i think of hua cheng not really knowing how friendship, care, etc, works, and after all the ways he xuan helped him with xie lian stuff, or held back on retaliating on xie lian interfering with his revenge (to a point) out of consideration for hua cheng...

HC so you must be finally trying to even the score

HX uh, score?

HC yeah

HX you mean ... the way i'm helping you for no direct benefit to myself?

HC yeah

HX the way you helped me when i was a new ghost, when i could offer you nothing in return?

HC ...

HX please tell me you know the debt thing was a joke

HC ...

HX please tell me you know that we're friends

HC ...

HC *tearing up*

HC y- yeah ...

HX *sighs*

HX do you need a hug

HC *nods*

bwahahaha ok lies about the canon compliance. any time i write about them for long enough i can't resist making them cuddle

[alphafemalecarla]

Aiaiaiai a little butterflyyyy

Kaleidescope of death and liu yao are gonna get official english translationnnn

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA SIFHLKSDFJKLGKLHDGHG THATS SO COOL this is my sign to read liu yao 🙌

[aroacehanzawa]

What are kaleidescope of death and global examination? You've piqued my interest after your liveblogging lol (as in, I'm very curious to know what makes one so terrible and the other so good, and what they're about)

Heyy! They are both danmei webnovels of the unlimited flow genre, with basically levelled survival games where if you die in the "game" you die in real life. Kaleidoscope of Death by Xi Zixu (147 chapters, info carrd) is horror-focused, where characters who are close to death must pass 12 doors that are kind of like elaborate escape rooms filled with ghosts and monsters typically from urban legends. Global Examination by Mu Su Li (166 chapters, info carrd) is similar but less focused on horror and follows characters who have been pulled into a mysterious system where they have to solve exam-style questions except the questions are actually dangerous scenarios where it's easy to die. And there's romance in both of them <3

GE is brilliant in the way that both the MC and ML are well-written with fleshed-out backstories and they are both incredibly smart and complement each other's skills perfectly. The exam system is really cleverly laid out and the way the characters solve each level is presented in a very logical way, so that the way they are smart doesn't feel forced and instead reads very natural! The world inside the system is also consistent and we get to find out more and more about it at a good pace, and the recurring characters all turn out to be very important not only to the plot but also to our protagonists.

To me the plot never felt like it was dragging on, because on top of solving each exam level there is a greater narrative connecting everything, so that eventually all the plot points come together in a very satisfying way at the end! The leads also have great chemistry even without knowing their backstories, which makes it even more emotional and romantic after you learn everything about them. It's genuinely one of my favourite webnovels!!

In comparison, KOD just falls flat despite the amount of 5 star reviews and the hype i keep seeing by people who recommend it as a similar novel to GE. I didn't think the horror part was scary at all, at least for me, because it relied mainly on stuff like grotesque ways to die and mutilated body parts, which i thought were just gross instead of actually scary. But the main problem i have with this novel is that the main characters are presented as 'smart' but the way they solved each door relied too much on luck and coincidences or them somehow coming to 'obvious' conclusions that seem like they just came out of nowhere. It was like the author just kept telling us that 'oh here is this random item or situation so clearly it must be like this' without any intermediate steps, and most of the time they never would've even escaped the door if the ML or MC hadn't ~somehow~ stumbled on a key item or hint.

There is also a ridiculous amount of plot armor for the main characters, which i could suspend disbelief for, if the rest of the story wasn't also written in this hand-wavy style of 'anyway so this is how they solved the problem' and 'anyway so this is how they got out the door'. The world of the doors is never clearly explained or given any more meaningful treatment than if they were levels in some random video game, and the climax felt like a poor attempt at bringing it all together but just ended up with basically 'then so-and-so many days passed and they survived'.

The characters were not very fleshed-out*, especially the MC who seemed like he was only given basic traits like 'exceptionally calm' and 'cat-lover' - and even the cat-lover part was forgotten for most of the story and feels like when you make an OC and give them random traits that are only ever mentioned in the character sheet... The way the leads got together felt abrupt and superficial, and after that it's like no other characters mattered, which i suppose is a romance trope of its own, but when you apply it to shallowly-written characters like this, it just feels forced.

*) My biggest gripe was the author deciding to put key plot twists about the main characters in the first extra chapter after the ending (like ?!?!?), that changed the whole perspective of the story but didn't actually add anything of value to the plot itself and just makes everything more convoluted and plain worse if you think about it. The side characters who were actually interesting were either used as plot devices or plain forgotten about. And the ML who starts off relatively interesting in comparison to the others, is practically reduced to a caricature of himself by the end.

Anyway. Sorry this got so long i really had to rant about KOD to get it out of my system. Basically GE did everything that KOD tried to do but wayyyy better, and if you're looking for a well-written infinite flow novel with an ingenious plot and well-written characters with outstanding chemistry, look no further than Global Examination!!

[ahungeringknife]

365: June 7

@seventhscorpio

More Dornuk being grumpy his childhood friend went away for the summer and came back hot as fuck

---

There might as well have been soul fire burning over his head when Dornuk stalked back into the keep. He was so mad. Usually he didn't get mad like this. Maybe years ago when he'd been a child but the miserable experiences of his youth was behind him. He had a high standing despite being an acolyte and nothing and no one would take those important from him again. He and his worm were well fed. He had nothing to be angry about anymore.

He was angry today though.

He had a small quarters in Savathun's keep just so he was close by if Savathun wanted him to notate something down or read back to her one of her own stories. He just wanted to go there and yell into his bed.

That was not as fate decided and Immaru found him before he could make it to his apartment. "Hey sport, Savathun wants to see you," Immaru said.

"Did she send you to fetch me?" he let a little venom cloud his voice, unable to help himself.

"Don't back talk me. Go to the throne room," Immaru ordered.

Dornuk squeezed his nearly broken tablet in his hand. "Very well," he said swallowing telling Immaru to leave him be. He couldn't actually tell Immaru off as that would be insulting to Savathun and Dornuk was many things but clouded by anger was not one of them. Immaru teleported away and Dornuk changed his path and headed for the throne room.

The throne room was one filled with eye shaped stained glass and great planters overflowing with flowering plants. Light poured in from all sides, illuminating the windows in beautiful color kaleidescope and casting it across the alabaster floor as prismatic rainbows. Savathun often met with her Inquisitors or Death Singers here, a place where she could keep here eyes on all of them at once, but today the hall was empty save for the Witch Queen herself.

She was speaking with Immaru about something when he arrived and they broke off their conversation. "Dornuk," she said in her pleasant way.

"Your grace," he bowed slightly.

"How did today go?"

"Fine," he hid the bent tablet behind his back like he was just trying to be polite.

"Come closer. Tell me about Alak Hul and his new squire, hmm?" she beckoned and he did so but that just made him more irritated. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about Alak Hul and Gup at the Training Grounds.

He sat on the steps of her throne trying to cool his irritation. "What do you want to know, your grace?"

"Hmm, well it is always fun when Alak Hul shows his face. I'm sure he was swarmed," she said in amusement.

"Yes," Dornuk agreed. He told Savathun about how when he'd arrived Alak Hul was already amid a large group of acolytes and knights looking to have a word or perhaps get a moment of training with him. She laughed when he told her about Alak Hul thundering loud enough to shake the buildings for everyone to leave him alone before he turned the Training Grounds into the Proving Grounds and drenched the area in their blood.

"Oh he must have been quite irritated to threaten to kill," Savathun snickered. Alak Hul, despite his fearsome reputation, was not as blood thirsty or violent as he had been in his first life. He had nothing to gain or to prove, no worm to feed, no ambition to fulfill.

"He was quite upset," Dornuk agreed. He told her about how after that Alak Hul did get a chance to do some training with his squire. Dornuk kept his explanation of this brief. Mostly because he hadn't written a lot during this time. He'd just stood to the side with several others watching. Most were looking at Alak Hul but Dornuk was watching Gup. He was awkward in his new morph still but it just made him endearing. Dornuk held his tablet the entire time but it wasn't until they were finished that he realized he hadn't written anything on it.

Since it was just perhaps the first day of training it was only the basics but Gup took it well and was able to mimic Alak Hul's movements perfectly after a few tries. He didn't tell Savathun about how distracted he was in his duty to catalog the training day with Alak Hul and his new squire. Or how he very much wanted to kill a pair of wizards hovering behind him talking about Gup like he was a prime cut of meat. A perfect specimen for a brood, especially if he was Alak Hul's squire.

"It is quite a sight to get to see Alak Hul do any sort of fighting," Savathun said as he dutifully recited only the facts to her.

"Yes. He was... impressive," Dornuk said but he hadn't really been paying attention to Alak Hul at all.

"And what of the Moonheart broodling?"

"He may look like a Knight but he fights like a buffoon," Dornuk said dismissively. "Even I can handle a blade better and I spend most of my time writing." Probably an exaggeration. Actually a complete exaggeration. He'd never seen it personally but clearly Alak Hul had been training Gup to use a sword even as an Acolyte. Or maybe the Guardians had given him lessons. Either way he absolutely was not clumsy with one of the huge, heavy, training swords.

Savathun laughed and leaned on the arm of her throne. "Is that all?" she asked.

"Once Alak Hul had decided that was enough training they were once more surrounded." By significantly more Wizards too and Dornuk had nearly bent and snapped his tablet watching not a few Wizards go try to flirt with Gup. Not that he cared! It wasn't his business. Every time one laid a delicate clawed hand on his smooth shoulder chitin he tortured the tablet a bit more. Now the screen was cracked from him almost snapping it in half. Gup always casually brushed them off but it was the principle of the thing! "Alak Hul only tolerated it so much before he waded through them and out of the Training Ground. Xolkûn went with him. And then I returned here," he said dutifully.

"Ah so you didn't get to talk to them?" Savathun asked, holding her chin in her hand. She was giving him a look and he had no idea what she was on about.

"No. I couldn't get close enough. I may be your scribe but I'm still quite... small," he admitted with a sigh. Larger than he had been but certainly smaller than a Knight or an acolyte about to go into their morph.

"I see. Well if that is all that happened," she waved him away and got out of her throne. "As you were, Dornuk."

"Thank you, your grace," he bowed after he stood. He waited until she flew out of her own throne room before going to his room.

He closed himself into it before rubbing his face with one hand. He didn't mention to Savathun that Gup had noticed him watching him and had stopped and waved at him. Or that after the training and the Wizards had flocked to him to flirt every time he brushed one off he tried to approach Dornuk to talk. Then Alak Hul had yelled at everyone to fuck off and very nearly scooped Gup up under his arm and stalked off, irate at the entire thing. It had been... sort of exciting to know that the attention of the Knight all the Wizards were interested in was only on him. He didn't have any care for those Wizards or their flirting, or them trying to get his attention.

Not that it mattered! What did Dornuk care anyway? He huffed and looked at his tablet. Well... maybe he cared a little. He'd have to speak with an Inquisitor about getting a new one. Later. For now he wanted to lay on his bed and sulk.

[epithet-erased-textposts]

[mejomonster]

Random notes:

I'm so much better at reading nonfiction books quickly, I can get through one in 1 hour to 3 days depending on its length and time I have. I'm going to guess it's a hold over from studying engineering and just Needing to be able to cram through nonfiction informational stuff. I've got like 12 fiction books im juggling right now and like that many fanfics I'm reading (I know ;-;) but the nonfiction book I got about someone's written experiences? One day reading and I'm 60% through.

The exception to that is grammar books and character Kanji and Hanzi books, since they're like reading dictionaries and I really just do have to go one entry at a time so 20 pages takes about 1 hour for those.

I need to be nicer to myself about writing. ;-; i just checked out 4 fiction books on how they opened, and every single one of them at minimum gave a 3 sentence paragraph on setting exposition as the first intro to the story

(Murakami's Hard Boiled Wonderland starts with an elevator description, which I feel parallels Alice falling down the rabbit hole well and so it's a good both setting introduction and unsaid things intro, Little Favors opens on an airport and fuerdai rich and gives a sense of location and sphere of main characters, Tale of Genji starts with an explanation of royal family important background... which I could copy but I feel a modern audience would judge it exposition-heavy, Dealing With Dragons starts with a quick "This land is like this" setting intro then diving into main character pov - which is honestly a structure I try to do a lot, Guardian jumps right into action with Guo Changcheng out at 2 am then after that delving into his background a little for exposition and his actions that night at the SID as setting exposition - immediately into the character which I prefer though it still touches on it being night in a city before switching to Guo, Can Ci Pin starts less obviously with location description with someone talking - but they're talking about history as a tour guide which is a smooth way to immediate give exposition of the sci fi setting to both reader and the little boy character asking questions... I may have to steal this one, and Kaleidescope of Death opens with a short few sentences on location and then uses a main character and their pov of the woman they're with - which is probably closest to my ideal for writing style). Basically just like... seems like most stories start on at least a little setting explanation of where the story is and even maybe it's world-rules if needed before diving into characters saying things/doing things. I think I'm a little too harsh on myself thinking I could just smoothly skip that part, I think I'm going to unfairly judge that intro part of my writing no matter what I do.

I really liked my Freyna Fenriel story intro. Wish I could be possessed by that energy again lol.

Another ball. A new Highest, again. This is the third one in as many months. Freyna takes another gulp of champagne and makes her way outside to the balcony.

She doesn't care what this Highest looks like. He'll be dead in another month, most likely. Her only reason to be in the capital right now, to make sure he gets the impression her family could care less if he's Highest after the previous one. That the Fenriels will be perfectly loyal - as loyal as anyone living in the countryside can be. It's not as if her family's business has much to do with the bloodbaths of the capital.

The night is cool, the breeze carrying the crisp smell of snow coming. The frail pink blossoms of the vines lining the balcony will shrivel and die from frost soon enough.

Then I look at how I opened on some fanfiction and I'm like. Yeah. I could be doing significantly messier and still someone would enjoy reading it, I enjoyed reading it, I need to be less harsh on myself.

Jim had a plan. So it might not be a perfectly outlined list of steps to take and backup actions if the first steps failed to achieve the desired result. But he wasn’t Spock. Generally an idea carried out with intuitive choices seemed to serve Jim well enough, especially the more emotional and less logical the circumstances. So, maybe, Jim Kirk wasn’t exactly the most skilled perfectionist when it came to relationships, maybe he had sort of an extremely flawed track record. Whatever.

Spock decides to embrace the plan. “Another shot, please.” He downs it, immediately requests yet another. The human on the other side of the counter doesn’t bother putting the bottle away this time, Spock’s already made them run back and forth five times in succession. “You want me to just leave the bottle?” Spock gives a small nod. “That would be appreciated.”

Nie Huaisang used to hang around Meng Yao a lot, before. Nearly everywhere Nie Huaisang would be, Meng Yao would either trail after him by a few minutes, or else have already arrived - with the younger Nie brother eventually catching up, once he needed something. Meng Yao helped without complaint, always with that polite smile of his. It always seemed skin deep. But Nie Huaisang either didn’t notice, or didn’t care. Then everything happened. So much happened.

In another world, another life, another version of events, things could have been different. Lan Xichen is lost in those trails. They lead nowhere. Because they aren’t real. They aren’t what happened. They could have been. He isn’t sure if he wishes they were. He isn’t sure, at this point, if he’d rather have them instead. Instead of this.

The leaves rustle outside of the carriage, shifting with the wind. Between the slivers of green, patches of sunlight manage to reach down to the path below, to the carriage and it's windows. He can feel the light warmth of it on his skin, where he sits close enough for it to reach.

[tsukuyomi-chan]

finished kaleidescope of death and im way too fucking emotional now thanks xizixu

[post-futurism]

top 5 underrated tv shows and why!!

In no particular order... 

1.     Flowers (UK TV 2016-2018)

A british black comedy which is one of the most hilarious depressing shows i’ve ever seen. They really stay true to the genre. basically it’s about the Flowers family consisting of Olivia Colman as unhappy wife to Julian Barratt, who is a retired successful kids book author, and their two adult twin kids live with them. Daughter Amy Flowers is my actual favourite character ever. Also a Japanese kid Shun lives in their shed but he’s sometimes forgotten about. He’s played by Will Sharpe who wrote and created the whole show. Anyway, really good Queer rep, mental health rep, heartwarming, and hilarious. Devo that not many people know about it - pretty sure it’s on netflix! (And ABC iView)

2.     Magical Girl Friendship Squad (US Cartoon 2020) 

Alex and Daisy are two aimless milennials who can talk shit and do shit all, resulting in them getting mistaken for girls who Know Shit. God in the form of a Red Panda tasks them with protecting earth with their Magical Girl Power Tools of Birth Control Pills and Bong. It’s amazing. I feel like this would be the kind of show that tumblr would be all over. It’s got queer rep, it’s got the best lesbian jokes, it’s got diverse characters, it’s got MAGICAL GIRLS. I feel like maybe we won’t get any more of it because there’s only been 6x 10min episodes and idk if it’s got enough popularity to keep momentum? but you gotta love a wiki page that has a heading ‘LGBTQ representation’ and then has a link to a main article specifically about LGBTQ representation in this show. 

3.     In My Skin (UK TV 2018) 

A welsh 5 episode series about a hopeless lesbian immensely hopelessly in love with the prettiest girl in school, and trying to maintain her Cool Girl rep while juggling her mentally ill mother. It’s a comedy. It also goes to some dark places. It also just ENDS. which is all very typical of a UK tv show and it’s still definitely worth the watch. I loved it. 

4.     Twenty Somethings (AU TV 2011-2013)

It’s been a while since i’ve seen this show but it was during the time when Broad City was very big which is very similar to this show. It’s about a chick who hasn’t been able to hold down a job and gets by by taking up random jobs like dog walking and driving kids to music festivals. Jess and her best friend Josh are just always getting into these crazy schemes and it’s so good and funny. It’s a lot of fun. 

5.     Undone (TV show 2019)

Undone is this incredible rotoscoped show about Alma trying to figure out what happened to her father and his mysterious death. It travels backwards and forwards through time a lot as she tries to put the pieces together resulting in this kaleidescopic narrative unfolding. It’s just so well done, so visually interesting and beautiful, and a really well told story that keeps you hooked on all the mysteries. It’s unfortunately on Am*zon but ya know, there are ways. 

[shayde-rose]

My one true love,

Your eyes are like the depths of the ocean, so intense and serious. I wonder if I stare into them long enough, would I drown in those pools of eternal blue? I would welcome death's cold embrace as long as your eyes are the last thing I get to see before I succumb to the Grim Reaper's lullaby.

Do you feel the same way about me?

When you care about someone or something my dear, you care not just with your mind. You care with your whole heart, your being and your soul.

The flickers of eye contact we share across the room mean so much to me, but...

Do you feel the same way about me?

I feel as if there's an invisible string binding us together. Some may call it luck, I am smart enough to know better. I call it destiny. I love you.

Do you feel the same way?

Sometimes I feel your love for me radiating so strong. Is it pretend? Is it all part of our game? Because other times I feel like we're two strangers in two different universes. Two people who know each other so well, but somehow manage to avoid the other like the plague.

The words we exchange are tedious and ever so careful, and I always seem to find myself trying to decipher them like an ancient language that only we know.

I beg you, tell me you feel the same way about me.

How do I know I love you?

It's the thrilling rush of joy I get whenever you embrace me or whenever our hands touch. It sends an electric shock through my body like lightning, it's the kaleidescope of butterflies that fill my stomach when your piercing, intense gaze settles over me. And it's the burning jealousy I feel bubbling inside of me when I see you with other girls.

That, my darling, is how I know I love you.

Please tell me you feel the same way.

~Musings of a tearful heart

[edgewoodrp]

Congratulations and welcome back, Zoey! You have been accepted as your desired character, Bridgette Kingsley. Please be sure to complete the steps listed on the New Member checklist and send in your account within the next 24 hours.

Welcome to Edgewood. There’s no place like home.

OOC INFORMATION

Name (or alias): Zoey

Age: 23

Pronouns: She/her

Timezone: EST

CANON CHARACTER APPLICATION

Character: Bridgette Kingsley

Gender & Pronouns: n/a

Sexual Orientation: n/a

WRITING SAMPLE

TW: Drugs

Bridgette tapped her foot on the ground as she stared into the mirror. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she gazed into her own chocolate brown eyes. There she was yet again, in the bathroom of some grimy club peering into her distorted reflection. Another night wasted. Wasted in a sense that she wouldn’t be sober until sunrise and wasted in a sense that she’d never get this time back. It didn’t matter though. Anything for the high, right? Anything for the exhilerating feeling of magic flowing through her veins, right? Anything to get the giant weight of anger, disappointment, and the crushing feeling of being unremarkable and dull off her chest, right?

You weren’t always like this, she reminded herself. This wasn’t her fault. It was their fault. They were the reason why she did this to herself night after night after night after—

Bridgette screamed when she found out what the Council would do to her and how she’d be punished for the forseeable future. It wasn’t a pretty scream. It wasn’t like how girls screamed in horror films or rom coms. It was gutteral, feral, and furious. It made you wonder if she was a werewolf instead of a witch.

“What the fuck?” At first she felt confused. She didn’t do anything wrong. Not exactly. “What the fuck?!” Bridgette spat the words. “How dare they! How fucking dare they! They’re going to fucking condemn me to a life of being a useless, pathetic, mundane human being!” She didn’t think all humans were useless or pathetic, but in that moment, she’d rather die than become disconnected from magic, something that made her her.

“Who the fuck do they think they are, trying to control me?” She wasn’t sure who she was shouting out. She wasn’t sure why she was throwing glasses. It was like her body was operating on autopilot. Bridgette was already in so much trouble that it didn’t matter if she threw a few glasses and overturned a table. It didn’t matter if she threw a chair against the wall. She slammed her fists against the door over and over again as she screamed in outrage. She threw a tantrum as if she were a child, except that she never threw temper tantrums as a kid. She always got what she wanted and this was the one time she couldn’t charm her way out of it.

When they bound her powers, Bridgette never told anyone, but she felt like a cord was being cut. She felt a hollowness and an emptyness that was far worse than any heartbreak she’d ever experienced. Despite the weird weightlessness she was experiencing, there was a great and terrible pressure in her chest. A part of her was forcefully removed. They resigned her to living trapped inside Edgewood, forced to study at UW Edgewood. She was no longer allowed to live the life she wanted, the life she planned. She would never admit to anyone that she cried that night.

She barely even recognized herself when she looked in the mirror. She wasn’t the same girl for what seemed like ages, but then Pixie Dust was Bridgette’s saving grace or so it seemed. She was so desperate, it didn’t matter the cost. It was the very reason why she was in another bathroom in the back of another seedy club on another night before she’d have to go to work again the next day. Ever since she lost her powers, she was chasing a feeling. She could be in her own little world, remembering what it was like when she was young and things were easier. She owed it all to that little pink drug.

The Council’s punishment was meant to teach her a lesson and force her to think about her actions. She was supposed to change her ways and become a much more respectable witch. Instead, Bridgette would only bide her time, dreaming up scheme after scheme to get back at them. For now, it’d only be a dream.

Bridgette would think of different schemes, trying to find the best punishment to fit the crime. Sometimes, she’d imagine them on fire as terrible as it sounded or tying a rock to their leg and throwing them into the lake. Other days she imagined them as a bunch of bumbling fools who had no memory of who they were, quite possibly a fate worse than death. She wasn’t an inherantly dark or murderous person, but she could never find the right words to say to let the Council know how much she despised them.

Bridgette lifted her head and looked back into the mirror again after taking in the pink, sugary substance. If someone didn’t know better, it looked like candy. She ran her hands down her face, wiped any trace of drug away, and pushed her hair back. She gripped the sides of the counter top and inhaled deeply. She pulled back the corners of her mouth, putting on a big and bright smile. She flashed those perfectly straight white teeth. She frowned and then smiled again. She laughed. She put on a surprised face, opening her mouth up wide. She smiled again.

She turned her head towards the door when there was a knock. “Give me a minute! I’m almost done!” she said, grabbing her lipstick. She ran it over her lips and then fixed her hair so not one strand was out of place. She smiled again in the mirror, as if that would make her happier or make the drugs work faster. Bridgette slung her bag over her shoulder and opened the door, grinning ear to ear as she greeted her friends. Bridgette walked down the hall with her friends, throwing an arm over one of their shoulders and heading for the main room of the club. The lights flashed and the music was blaring. Her heart began pounding in her chest as the drugs started to take their effect on her. Pretty soon, she’d feel a high that she’d never feel with any ordinary drug. This one was pure magic.

“Oh my god, you better not have started without me!” one girl whined. “If you get wasted before us, it’s sooooo not going to be fun.”

“I swear to Goooodddd, if I see Jasper hanging out with Sophia again, I’m just going to fucking scream!” another girl said, staring at her phone. She swiped left and right as she scrolled through the people on Tinder. “She’s just such a fucking bitch. Like, no one’s fucking decked her. Everyone fucking knows she’s a ho.”

“Bridgey, were you able to get those tickets to that concert next week?” another girl asked as she took selfies of the group.

“Yeah, bitch, you know I did!” Bridgette replied. “It’s next Saturday and we got tickets for the pit, so you know what that means!” She smirked and waggled her eyebrows as she shimmied her shoulders. Put on a happy face.

“Ooooh! We should go get some Chinese after this!” another girl said, not realizing the time. Nearly every restaurant would be closed by now.

“Wait, Bridgey, I thought you were going to be the designated driver tonight,” another girl said, pouting her oversized lips.

Bridgette mentally rolled her eyes as the girl called her Bridgey. She didn’t always like these girls, but they knew how to have a good time and it was an excuse to go out and get high instead of being depressed and high in her apartment. Plus, most of them knew some great places to party. They had their perks and for now while she was trapped in this town, she might as well live her best life and stick with the crew she got. It was better to hang out with these clueless hens who barely knew a thing about her than to be with anyone else who truly knew her.

“I know, but I kind of thought I’d be going home with someone else tonight, if you know what I mean,” Bridgette replied. “And besides, I was the designated driver last weekend.” It wasn’t technically a lie. She was supposed to be the designated driver last week, but instead she threw back three shots as soon as they got to the bar before anything else could happen. “Maybe you could do it since you can’t hold your tequila?” She gave her friend a sickeningly sweet smile that was borderline snide. The other girl let out a huff and was about to protest.

“Who wants to do shots of tequila?!” Bridgette half yelled so the rest of the girls could hear her. Her squad all looked at each other and screamed in excitement as they all ran for the bar. She did a round of shots and then leaned her head back as the blood began to pound in her ears. Everything sounded tinny and hollow. As she looked around, the whole world melted like a burning candlestick. It was like the mirror in the bathroom where everything was distorted.

Only this time instead of all the dirt and filth of the glass, Bridgette began to see every color in existence, or so she thought. It was like everything was in a kaleidescope. Different colors and crystals and auras. And, after all the shots she did, time didn’t seem like a real concept anymore. Bridgette was light as a cloud and felt free as a bird. Everything she saw and heard was a burst of highly saturated colors. Everything was bright and airy. It didn’t mattter what she saw, only that feeling that it gave her. Nothing could ever replace real magic, but this came pretty damn close.

She wasn’t sure how long she was out or when and how she got home or if it was even her home. Somehow, Bridgette landed herself of a couch. Whether it was her own or someone else’s, that didn’t matter. A some point in the night, she did another line of Pixie Dust, just to get herself through the night and into the next morning. Sometimes, she’d take some of it during the day to get through her shifts before going right back into it at night. She just needed that high, that spark in her veins, to get through the day. Anything for the familiar sensation of magic in her blood, a reminder of better days and simpler times. 

That was all that mattered.

[thehorrcr]

I spent a year and a half,

Fasting.

Drinking nothing

But moonlight, laying

There in her palor

Like silver pools, pouring

From Selen’s pale

Wrists.

Her light, used to kiss

Me. Used to twist

My soul into a kaleidescope.

Until the mania, was so

Intertwined

With me.

I mistaked dying

For flying.

I believed I was made of magic.

Used to dance barefoot,

Under fluorescent lights.

I believed I was

The last mouth-piece of God,

But my visions were

Never holy.

I could never be a martyr.

Because, I could never

Die for anything,

Could never give myself

To anything so selflessly.

I take, and I take, and I take,

But at the end

Of the day, why

Am I still so empty?

And my mother and I,

Used to scream,

Loud enough to wake

The crows on the

Powerlines.

Loud enough to wake

The ghosts that

Lay beneath the cracked

Concretes of this

Haunted city.

Is that the glimmer

Of a streetlamp, or an apparition?

I am never really sure

These days.

I think my third eye was pried

Open by the deaths

Of me, and I am caught

Between this world and the next.

Afterlife takes a new meaning,

After you know

Death, is not the hardest part.

It’s the person

You are, after.

And aren’t I, a goddess?

Aren’t I,

Unhinged enough

To be worshipped?

Aren’t I, maddened enough

To almost be beautiful?

In this lighting, I think

I look almost

Like my mother,

When she still was full of sunlight.

When she still knew how to love.

She used to wrap me in

Her warmth, like May cradling

A rainstorm.

Used to tell me she loved me,

Until she didn’t.

And that terrifies me.

That night when I got drunk,

And heard angels

Ripping their wings from their backs.

I was laughing, as if

I were possessed by the memory

Of summer.

But, I burned so coldly.

You held me, from a hundred

Miles away,

As I told you,

“It hurts. It hurts all the time.”

About how, I wish I could pry

The pain out of me.

Like a dying man, trying

To divine water

From a landscape that hasn’t

Seen rain in a hundred years,

And never will again.

Not unless a miracle

Happens, and

Honey, our souls

Are too old to believe

In those.

You held me,

You always do.

So gently, so full

Of a love for me, that

I will never be able to

Understand.

You told me to get

Some sleep.

Even though we both know,

That never

Kills off the exhaustion.

I am Running Out Of Ways To Write About These Things by @thehorrcr