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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 9 months

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His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

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#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #tulu xuanwu #blood #Vomit on his sweater already; mom's spaghetti #I love drawing teenji because he gets to be a lot more expressive than Older Lan Wangji.#wwx is trying so hard to be supportive and it keeps backfiring for lwj.#“There's no way I would ever want you carnally ^_^” meanwhile the guy who wants him carnally is losing his mind in agony.#Hot tip if you keep finding yourself in Lan Zhan's shoes: consider being more obvious. Give up on trying to be subtle with an ADHDer.#His game is SO BAD. Abysmally bad rizz. I do not think it was possible for these to to have a chance to get together in this life.#He has no plan. He has no healthy outlet for his feelings. He is looking at his half naked crush and losing his shot.#F in the chat for Lan Zhan. He's just been accidently rejected and he is about to be accused of being straight.#Meta commentary moment: I am going to try very hard to be more consistent with outfits and details across comics #I have had some...difficulties in the past with forgetting details (COUGH the vermillion mark COUGH)#New year new goals! Wish my ADHD eyes and brain good luck!

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p4nishers · 1 year

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no no this is ACTUALLY so fucking embarrassing for him no wonder he was an absolute bitch in rome

#i was upset first but its actually fucking hilarious i am having so much fun #i dont blame azi for rejecting him so much he probably needed to erase this first from his memory #it looks like something died on his face i CAN'T #aziraphale goes to meet crowley like 'i cant wait to see my beloved crowley ☺️☺️' then goes home and vomits #okay its not THAT bad...is what i would say if i wasn't a total bitch but since it is im gonna keep pointing and laughing #good omens #crowley #good omens season 2 #good omens s2 #ineffable husbands #azicrow #inefabble husbands

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shadyhouse · 5 months

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i keep getting rejected from job applications and i have no idea what im doing wrong. i wish they would just tell you WHY you're getting rejected and ways to improve. its a guessing game that ends up making me feel even more worthless than i felt before

#like i have been nonstop applying for jobs for the past YEAR and ive gotten TWO INTERVIEWS #one of them i got kicked out of near immediately bc you werent allowed to be late to the job and i mentioned i take the bus (mistake i know)#and the other one i had to turn down bc they wanted to pay me $11/hr despite me already having the experience they needed #and i just reapplied to an old job i had a couple years ago that pays well but i got an instant rejection #not to mention all the other jobs ive been applying to that dont even TRY to contact me before rejecting me #and then my current job where ive been pretty much explicitly told i'm never ever going to get promoted and i keep getting my hours cut #for reasons beyond my comprehension like i dont know what im even doing wrong bc no one will TELL ME #JUST TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG #WHY AM I BEING BAD AT LIFE. CAN YOU THROW ME A BONE PLEASE.#IM TIRED OF SURVIVING I WANT TO THRIVE #IVE BEEN SURVIVING MY WHOLE LIFE IM JUST EXHAUSTED I WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT SOMETHING I DID FOR ONCE PLEASE #Sorry for venting im trying to hold back a breakdown and i have to leave for work in an hour and i just need to shout into the void about it #even applying for like medical based jobs hasnt worked out. you wont even let me be a RECEPTIONIST?#i feel trapped at my current job. even my coworkers have been telling me that ive had my position for wayyyy too long and im gonna be stuck #like tell me something i dont know!!!!!!!!!! tell me how to get a better job!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc im struggling in every aspect of my life!!!!!!#whoever cursed me its working i hope youre happy. the haters love to see it

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rubenesque-as-fuck · 10 months

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Well, date for next week just got cancelled.

Said he decided he was spread too thin already and not feeling it enough to continue.

I thought there was a good vibe there. I wonder which thing I said and/or did fucked it up. Argh I can't even lower my standards correctly.

#dating nonsense #first good date in over two years and bloop nope all gone #so much for getting some good holiday dickin'#huge fucking bummer actually #what is wrong with me #even the good dates are secretly bad???#literally can't even throw pussy at someone still rejected #am i that awful in person? or like awful in retrospect I guess?#HE asked ME if I wanted to go on another date #dude you were the one who asked #but still I'm not enough #not even enough to just fuck and forget #no matter how low i let my standards go they just can't keep up #oh man the depression is hitting me like a goddamn truck

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yoohyeon · 12 days

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I found a nice place to send my cv at, but I’m terrified

#i should send it tomorrow but my computer dosen’t have internet for some reason ????#my dad is terrible with technology and thing he accidently throw out something important about it :’)#anyway so I can’t print my cv and I swear I had it save on my phone or iPad so I could send it online #but I can’t find it ??? so either I make a new one or try to open my laptop #problem is that my laptop take so long I have time to chicken out not do it I don’t trust myself 😭 Bfkdbxj #I’m also scared that if I get reject I’ll have a breakdown tbh #it’s already rough mentally i keep remembering how unhappy I was at my old job and it wasn’t even that bad 😭#but this time it’s not retail so only bosses and colleagues to worry about #but it was my boss making it hell (other than social anxiety) not the retail part #so that dosen’t reassure me #but it’s also close to my house so that’s good too #it’s physical though I worry I won’t be able to do it #my body is not what is was since I got sick fkdbdjjd #anyway I News to gather up courage 😭#alex.txt

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cthulhusstepmom · 1 year

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Ghost is a walking dichotomy, Soap has discovered. He's watched him strip the layers of a man's skin away to get information from him, seen him snap someone's neck in as little time as it takes to take a breath. But he's also so capable of heartbreaking kindness. His genuine concern for the fish, the way he saves the best part of his plate for Soap; offering it to him with reverence. The way he's cleaning Johnny's wound so tenderly. It's in these moments of gentleness where Johnny almost forgets what they do, what they've seen, who they are.

So when Ghost's voice snaps into that serious tone it's almost like a slap in his dizzy, goofily smiling, face.

"Wha?"

"Where is it? I'll get rid of it for you." Under the sharp tone is still that lethal gentleness, and even under that is a shaking fear.

"Oh, oh Ghost." He shifts, uncomfortable in his skin and wanting to be anywhere but here. "Ye... Ye cannae get rid of it."

His Lieutenant draws back a little, a mix of apprehension and offense in his eyes.

"It hurt you, nothing else matters."

Soap can feel his heart splitting as his throat starts to burn. Ghost stares up at him with fiery eyes, hands still holding his wrist so so softly.

"Where is the snake Soap? I promise you it'll never hurt you again. Whoever brought it in is going to have hell to pay too." He earnestly promises and Soap feels a single hot tear slip out of his eye.

"Ghost..." He chokes out. "Simon... It's mine."

The small room goes silent. Nothing even dares to move but for the violent flinch the sentence rips out of Ghost.

He doesn't dare say anything, doesn't dare to move or even breathe. He looks down at Ghost and Ghost meets his stare with turmoil roiling in his gaze.

Soap doesn't know what he expected, screaming or sobbing or angry silence but the frantic confusion he can see in the other man is as far as can be from what he'd thought he'd get.

They sit there like that for a few long moments, each absorbed in his own thoughts, before Ghost slowly rises from his kneel. If Johnny were in better spirits he would tease him for the quiet cracks his knees make. And with that violent tenderness he slowly curls an arm around Johnny and leans him down into the bed, pressing behind him and holding him close just like they'd done on any number of frigid nights out in the blind. And they just sit there holding each other in silence as they slowly drift into a dreamless sleep.

#in this canon this is the first time theyve done something that can't be explained away by extenuating circumstances #but you don't really save the best parts of your meal religiously for your subordinate who youre friends with #Ghost is devoted to Soap #full stop #and Soap is dedicated to Ghost 100%#i hear you “Cthulhu why are the emotionally constipated military men just cuddling instead of resolving their issues unhealthily?”#to which i say:#Ghost just had his world tilted on its axis #a constant in his life is that snakes are bad and the people who keep them are bad people who do bad things #like his father #but here's John “he owns my soul” MacTavish bleeding profusely and still not letting Ghost kill the snake also being unquestionably good #even though he understands intellectually that Soap has done bad things #hes watched the little punk blow up shit for the sake of it and literally clip a car battery to a man's ears #that doesn't matter because Johnny is Good with a capital G and he is the exact opposite of Ghost's father #so he really doesnt have it in him to be angry and he just needs to hold close to the constancy and try to reconcile his new information #And Soap is just so so ready to be immediately rejected and never see Simon again #he doesn't want to sacrifice what he maybe has with Ghost to protect his rescues #because they need him and they didnt ask to be what they are or where they are #so hes just so so relieved that Ghost hasnt ordered him out and killed all of his babies #because he's seen Ghost shoot a dog in yhe head on a mission for barking and Ghost loves dogs #he doesnt want to see what Ghost would do to an animal he doesn't like #I HOPE THIS IS BETTER THAN THE CLIFFHANGERS #GUYS THERES SO MUCH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT COMING #AHOFFBIDKSHAIAKBZJA #cod mw2 #fish person gaz #ghost x soap #ghostsoap #reptile person soap

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villainsidestep · 6 months

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anyway now that we’re awake again. thoughts on fawn’s Definitely Not unrealistic idea of how family relates to forgiveness

#gideon shut the hell up challenge #the post is asking in a rhetorical way but also if u Do have an answer feel free to give it lmao BUT ANYWAY #our personal thoughts. headcanons if u will. abt our own oc.#fawn who gives unending love and forgiveness to their brothers not bc they’re unaware of the possibility of them holding grudges against #them for it but bc fawn who learned from north that the two ways you can feel abt someone is either good or bad !!!!#when you are good and people are happy w you then that is good !! it means you are worth something !!!#but when you are bad and they are unhappy with you. that is when the trouble begins !! that is when they hit you and hurt you and #let you know that you’re nothing !!! you’re useless and a reject and only usable as a tool !!!#tools can be replaced. it doesn’t have to be You. and river has proven that enough already even before you lost value #v3 fawn who doesn’t expect chen or the ortegas or anyone else to rescue them bc they consider themself no longer usable to them #but their brothers. if they’re alive they’d help them. if they’re alive then fawn will help them back. bc they love them. trust them.#bc they only want to ever be good towards them. they don’t want to be bad or have them be bad back #but. if their brothers are bad to them. if they abandon or replace or kill them. fawn will forgive them.#bc if they don’t have them then what’s the point of having survived losing them the first time?#☆: fawn & cyrus/river #keeping up with the beckers

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nhaneh · 6 months

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funny thing is I don't really have any interest in hoarding knowledge or resources for myself in any way, I'm just bad at publishing stuff because I feel like that'd require a bit more stringent quality control than what I might expect of something made largely for my own use.

sometimes I think maybe I should set up something like a google drive or a git or something to just throw my personal- and work-in-progress stuff for people who are interested, but I dunno what limits for space or bandwidth or anything are like.

like I'm sure some people would possibly find the ColorSet unpacker python script useful?? It kinda sucks through and I want to make a better version of it and maybe one that could work as a standalone executable instead? and possibly a packer counterpart to the unpacker?? But also I keep thinking like "would this even be useful to anyone lmao??"

in theory you could probably make some kind of art program plugin that does all of this for you - even the bit with loading actual colorset information into layered colorset pairs, but I mean that's a lot of effort and I still largely use a 20+ year old version of Paint Shop Pro myself so...

#honestly the thing is i think more people should be able to do what i do #whether that is posing or model editing or whatever #keeping the knowledge exclusive only aid those who seek profit #while making it public empowers us all to create #imo that's what real democratisation of art is #giving everyone access to the tools and the knowledge involved #and hoping that if they come up with some new ideas or techniques #they too will give it back to the community for everyone's benefit #there's that expression about standing on the shoulders of giants #but look the great man theory of history is kinda bullshit #we're not standing on the shoulders of giants #we're standing on the shoulders of all of humanity #both those past and present #this is why i love openly collaborative environments #like open source or a lot of modding scenes or the like #sure you still get clashing egos and drama and whatever #but there's this idea that if we openly share our work then we all benefit #it's a rejection of the singular great man #the one visionary auteur #and instead embracing our community-driven nature #look this is something of an ideological thing for me ok #i suck at sharing stuff not because i think sharing is bad #but because i think the things i do aren't good enough #i know that's a silly thing to feel #but i still feel it #emotions care little for reason

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bumblingbabooshka · 11 months

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'Parturition' is so brave for being the yaoi ship trope episode of Voyager. "Neelix and Tom Paris had a physical.....fight." Also continuing Tom's beautiful habit of loving both infidelity and child abandonment with all his heart. Also, wonderful out of context quote: "I had no right to push that pasta in your lap."

#Also I forgot about the Tom/Kes stuff in early seasons #You know what? I think Kes can flirt. Disaster as a real couple/ship but I do believe they'd do some going-nowhere flirting #post Neelix breakup. Also once again Kes SHOULD have been able to ADVENTURE more!!!#Tom's true wife is a beautiful woman named infidelity and he loves her more than anything except Harry Kim #Tom: (bothered & horny) Play the clarinet Harry.#Harry has a really cozy couch setup btw #OH ??? I sthis a thing???#In two different episodes now Harry's said 'there's an old chinese expression...' <- was that something they were trying out??#Thank God it didn't stick.#Harry: You keep setting yourself up for rejection. You must like playing the part. / Tom: Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.#<- Sound of a nail being hit squarely on the head...Harry's so handsome #YEEEAAAAH THE GIRLS ARE FIIIIIGHTIIIIIINGGGGG!!!!#Neelix being so possessive of Kes is obviously bad but him just out of nowhere insulting and tossing pasta on Tom IS very fun and good #removed from context. Tom: -eating. doing nothing- / Neelix: You fucking lowlife asshole. =_=#SNRKAHAHHAAH 'I'LL KILL YOU!!!!' CARTOON ROLLING AROUND ON THE TABLES~!!?!??#I like how this is a fight but NOT serious at all....they are looney tunesing it #Even the background crew are like...smiling & laughing. This is so funny <3 #The doctor would love if two men fought over him. He'd be concerned and tell them to stop but he'd secretly love it I know him I know this.#'How delightful!' indeed. Kes' green & black outfit in this episode is really pretty! Also she & the doctor's banter is nice~!#'That's not funny!' / 'It's not meant to be. You LOVE autopsies?' and her laughing at him saying 'then your world must have very dry lit.'#Also love the doc's ultimate advice of 'It's not your problem' bc it's not~!! Yaoi sin planet with cure what ails em #NEELIX SAID TECHNOBABBLE!!!! HE SAID THE LINE!!!!#Tom: I'm picking up caves west of here. / Neelix: Yaaay. <3 <- negative. sarcastic. hateful.#YEEEEAAAAAAHHHH DINO PUPPET BABYYYY!!!!!#Janeway: Tuvok can you do X? / Tuvok: (preening) I have anticipated your request Captain. / Chakotay: =_=#Tom: The baby's shivering...that's normal right?? <- Yeah Tom <3 It's so normal <3 You're gonna be a great dad <3 #Also Neelix just smiling earnestly at being called Godmother...-raises brow-#Neelix & Tom: Kes - Captain - we've worked out our differences! We had a baby <3

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nthflower · 1 year

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I am having thoughts about Xavier wtf?

#i will real immortal X-Men xavier issue again #later #i love xaiver as a self hating mutant who cares more about looks than actions etc. etc. like #he likes being messiah being a figure good figure a hero #and he loves also mutants too he is not evil not intentionally but it always comes second or third #first is looks how humans sees them how public sees him #he want to still be respected and accepted he didn't even say puplic he is a mutant for years #he is egoist also i think #like he love having powers and good things being mutant brings and rehects hates avoids bad things it brings #mind reading is cool but he still need to be respected professor attending conferences getting applause #shit man #this is why i am not a cherik girlie #magneto is also flawed like i ilove uwufing him but he is deep complex etc. but his relationship and brotherly or loverly love for Xavier #just sad #this is why i love he is rejected him #i am really interested now in xaviers fall and i want him to be pathetic about him #xavier needed to be betrayer not moira tbh i want him to sell mutant kind for saving his looks #and by selling not being cartonishly villain but also wgile keeping his looks good for mutants that he cares too #kinda like leaving morlocks because he need acceptable mutants for his X-Men but also sending his acceptable child soldiers to save them #i am missing points probably definitely i am not good at getting things but i like thinking #and i like this version #long long tags

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montypng · 5 months

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watched dead boy detectives recently and the show has been simmering in my brain in the most frustrating way. like its not bad its not a bad show. but for all the elements where i was like YES!! YES!!! i also thought i could have done this better. AUUGHH!!!!!!! AUGHH

#spoilers for dead boy detectives in the next tags #this is a post for literally no one else but me. i want to rant #TIME LOOP MURDER HOUSE. THATS HORROR ENOUGH WHY TF DID U NEED TO ADD ANOTHER MONSTER THERE THE TIME LOOP IS ENOUGH #FUCKING. RUAGHHHHH GIANT ANGLERFISH LURING PEOPLE TO DEATH. SO GOOD WHY DIDNT YOU PUSH IT TO THE MAXIMUM WHY DID U CUT THE TENSION SO SOON #HOW DOES THAT MEGAFAUNA SURVIVE IF UR PUTTING IT TO SLEEP AND IT HASNT EATEN ENOUGH.#WHY IS CHARLES ANGRILY TELLING EDWIN ABT HIS TRAUMA. KEEP IT BOTTLED UP LONGER UR A CHARACTER NOT EXPOSITION DIALOGUE #wheres that post like he would not fucking say that but its about a character being too emotionally aware. he would not fucking know that #about himself. stop the therapy talk #why is edwins hell a giant doll baby spider thing. i mean that was fine and scary and whatever but COME ON ITS LITERALLY HELL #cant you personalize it a bit more......dig into his deep rooted fear of abandonment or rejection or something TWIST THE FKN KNIFE.#like i understand maybe its plot related like hes not meant to be in hell so he doesnt have a personalized torture chamber but still. STILL #YOU COULD SQUEEZE SO MUCH MORE CHARACTER OUT OF THIS SCENARIO COME ONNN #ok thats it for now. like its not a bad show its fun and all and theres a lot of potential #the writings not great in some places but its fine its just hitting. this very particular annoying spot in my head #where its like if i just changed a couple things this could be fucking fantastic. for me personally of course #i could write such good fanfiction for this show . i probably wont but i need you to know i could

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darkcreamz95 · 7 months

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Job hunting update: I ALMOST got the job...

#personal #had to reply to the email a few minutes ago and im still trying to process the situation #so good news is that the organisation i applied for said i was their ideal candidate and they are impressed with my work #HOWEVER bad news is they have something going on so they have to delay their recruitment until may and june #they did ask if they can contact me again in a few months time if i was still interested #so for now the application for this position will be on hold until may or june #honestly im not too super depressed because this is technically still a conditional offer and like im sort of accepted for the role?#but yeah gotta keep going #so close man ITS SO CLOSE #its not a full on rejection so im not too sad and still feeling hopeful

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basilpaste · 7 months

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i amn sooo close,,,,,

#basil blabbers #one chapter!!! just one!!! before i can start work on CHAPTER ONE. OF THE FIC.#i got really carried away on bon quest. i didnt expect to have such a good time writing them! kids are usually real hard for me.#its like. juuuust barely shorter than diles. like within 40 words.#if i really push i can maybe pick the a-side back up tomorrow or saturday!#i keep going 'oh i am writing so slow' and then i remember that theres an entire event where people write 50k words in a month #and i am like. 14k words deep in this fic and its been two-ish weeks?#and its not to that level. but its certainly not bad.#anyways now i must take a break from writing because my elbows are rejecting themselves.

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vaugarde · 1 year

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i feel bad for any pmmm fan following me just now bc like i love literally everything ive read and watched so far except for magireco and thats what im watching rn

#should play more portable to even that out #actually i still have no idea what the fandom consensus on the magireco anime is #i feel like ive barely seen content relating to the actual plot #my main issues are just that theres wayyyy too many characters to keep up with #and also that the plot feels like it was written by someone who thought kyubey had a point #and that the girls are indeed stupid and weak for making contracts and wanting to not be witches #when. ik people complain about that in the main anime but that was all demonized in the original #kyubey was. pretty blatantly in the wrong and the girls do make bad choices and hurt each other sure #but its because of their own situation and that theyre all pitted against each other bc of the system #and also kyubey literally preys on them at their worst moments like he gets sayaka despite her rejecting #he pressures madoka into it like he doesnt have a point hes just interested in exploiting the girls #and the ending of the anime is basically madoka getting a one up on him and going ''fuck you i WILL change our fate''#rewriting the literal laws of the world to save girls everywhere #and then magireco shits on that and goes ''ok but like girls who dont want to be witches are weak bitches lmao''#''oh yachiyo is a girlboss and a hardass because she sucks it up and accepts it while mifuyu is pathetic #because she has the audacity to not want to fight until she dies or becomes a monster to be tortured #also yachiyo mocks her and calls her weak for this and while she regrets it mifuyu reaffirms that shes right and a boss unlike her #shes a GOOD magical girl who knows she fucked up and owns up to it while mifuyu is a wimp. this is good writing.''#like the fact that they had to twist and bend the magias to be a cult and do these horrifying things to justify the whole #''oh the fate of us sucks but trying to escape it is the cowards way out'' thing #which like. yeah im sure thats the point but they keep hammering in that yachiyo is a girlboss for her stance basically #god. the climax of this better save this for me lol. the action is good the editing is good #its just the writing makes me want to eat rocks #echoed voice

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lucyvaleheart · 8 months

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#delete later #hey haven't made a vent post in a while that's gotta be a good thing right #I dunno. got an appt in like a month and hopefully that'll fix me but until then......#...sigh. tw for heavy shit for the rest of this don't read on unless you can manage with that kinda thing #is it like. nights? does my brain just shut down any level of dopamine response at night? is that it?#cuz fuck I spiral so fast. not 5 hours ago I was on cloud 9 cuddling a cute girl I may or may not have a-#anyway #now it's midnight.#and I just kind of want to carve my self awareness out of my body like a cancerous growth #and never be aware again #loneliness and jealousy and despair and self hatred and my god I can't really think of anything negative I *don't* feel #i just want it to stop #i wanna stop hurting every time I see them being so intimate with someone else I've already been rejected I need to get the fuck over mysel #ugh #I......#i usually try to keep these vague cuz I know people follow me and despite my best efforts do tend to read these #part of me wants that? that cry for help I guess? some way to reach out without having to be vulnerable #on the other hand I don't want to guilt anyone or to make anyone feel bad for being happy cuz that's toxic as fuck #I.... I don't fuckin know I'm just kind of rambling now.#....I'll be fine eventually #maybe #god I can't even say that for certain anymore huh #what do i even do why can't i see the solution anymore #all that's there is 'stop feeling x emotion' and thats just not a reasonable thing to expect myself to be capable of #you can't just turn off your emotions as much as I wish I could #.......want to be held close and touched a lot and told it'll be ok and complimented and. wanted #want to be wanted.#.....sigh #.......i am wanted. I know I am. I know so many people want my attention that it's nearly impossible to keep up #so what the fuck is my deal why do I still want it so bad? what isn't clicking? why doesn't it fucking work

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neverendingford · 10 months

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I have made my peace with being forgotten

and yet you think of me.

I have made my peace with being unloved

and yet you continue to try.

I have made my peace with this silence

and yet your knuckles rap at my door.

I have made my peace with letting go

but you continue to hold on.

what do you think of me?

what do you love?

who do you speak to?

what are you holding onto?

is it me you perceive?

or a shape of something you thought was real

created from dreams and wishes and the promise of a thousand people before you.

#poetry #color says shit #this just in. staying at my parents house while they're gone is bringing up the same old pain #pushing on the same old healed over scars.#heartbreaking. someone you know doesn't conform to rigid black and white good/evil morality #how to build distance when they keep trying to hold you close #when that closeness brings up every single moment of pain #when they're determined to hate the sin but love the sinner.#when your dad still quotes transphobic rhetoric at you.#when your mom is still convinced your queer identity is created from trauma #when they still genuinely care about you as a person but are still fundamentally arrayed against everything you've built for yourself #when their love is a constant wish for transformation. regression back to a more malleable obedient state.#I hurt so fucking much because the only way to make it stop is for me to be the bad guy #for me to tell them to fuck off #otherwise I constantly fight against their gravity.#constantly fight against the expectation that I become something else.#that I drop this childish delusion and pick up the ways of a grown adult instead #and yet they celebrate me. they celebrate my name change.#the change that rejected both their last names. that transformed the entire thing into something apart from them.#I orphaned myself and they celebrate me for that. I'm going to hit post now because I can't keep typing cause I'm gonna go cry instead #I just. what the fuck do I do with this situation.

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