#keto bread rolls

[coconchoco]

Looking for healthy and delicious vegan food options in Dubai? Check out our list of the top 5 must-try dishes! From flavorful falafel wraps to creamy avocado toast, these plant-based options are sure to tantalize your taste buds and satisfy your hunger.

Read more: https://timesofrising.com/healthy-and-delicious-5-must-try-vegan-food-in-dubai/

[fullcravings]

Paleo & Keto Cinnamon Rolls (with yeast!)

[queenketouk]

QUEEN KETO LUPIN BREAD ROLLS

Queen Keto Lupin Bread Rolls are Nut-Free, Coconut-Free, Gluten-Free, and Yeast-Free. 0.6g carbs.These aren't the usual keto stodgy bread rolls. They're fluffy, light, neutral in flavour and beautifully puffed up. No danger of failing with this quick and easy recipe. Simply mix, pour, bake and enjoy your rolls. Read the full article

[littlebitrecipes]

Keto Dinner Rolls

Bake warm, flaky, keto dinner rolls with your next dinner! They are super versatile and you can enjoy them with almost every meal.

Recipe => https://lowcarbyum.com/keto-dinner-rolls/

[megamarijuanastore23]

buy Blueberry Cheese Cake Pre Roll online shop - mega marijuana store

There are two ways to smoke weed. One, you can buy an expensive package of buds and roll your joints. Rolling blunts is part of the experience of smoking weed, but maybe you want to just get straight to it. In this case, you should get Blueberry Cheesecake Pre-Rolls online from the Mega Marijuana Store.

This is one of the best ways to smoke.

Call today: (+1) 8023491779

[bl0ated-w0rld]

🥖ANA Grocery List🥬

(for those who don't know where to start or just hate making lists)

Fridge

PH Balanced Water

Unsweetened Soy Milk (has better protein than almond/oat)

Vegetable Broth

Sugar Free Jello

Brown Eggs (liquid egg whites work too)

Low Fat Cream Cheese

Babybel or White String/Shredded Cheese

Provolone or Swiss Cheese Slices

Cucumbers (i prefer mini ones!)

Baby Carrots/Shredded Carrots

Plain Hummus

Sugar Free Natural Fruit Preserves (blackberry is my go to)

Sugar Free Powerades/Gatorades (electrolytes!)

Diet Coke (i don't drink it but i know y'all do)

Sugar Free Monster/Red Bull (also don't drink these but w/e)

Diet Cranberry Juice (for the girlies)

Zero Calorie Dressings

Low Sodium Soy Sauce

Plain Greek Yogurt (i say this but i always cave and get vanilla cuz plain is so nasty to me)

Apples (i buy them pre sliced)

Spinach/Kale/Lettuce (i buy this as a prepackaged blend of all 3)

Kombucha

V8 Vegetable Juice

Berries (raspberries, blueberries, blackberries)

Melon Slices (or cantaloupe)

Sugar Free Squeezable Applesauce

Avocados (i buy them already mashed)

Bananas (i refrigerate them idk)

Whole Grain/Wheat Bread (dave's killer bread is my go to and yes i refrigerate bread too lol)

Keto/Low Carb Spinach or Tomato Wraps

Cherry Tomatoes

Tofu Cubes

Lean Deli Turkey

Low Sodium Tuna Packets

Sun Dried Tomatoes

Baby Pickles

Grapes

Mandarin Oranges/Cuties

Diet Green Tea

Lemons

Freezer

Grilled Chicken Strips

Spring Rolls

Frozen Fruit Blends

Frozen Broccoli

Veggie Burgers

Salmon/Tilapia

Pedialyte Popsicles

Veggie Spirals

Cauliflower Rice

Diet Frozen Yogurt

Ice

Pantry

Plain Rice Cakes

Canned Veggie Soup (i get chicken and rice soup lowkey)

Pasta Sauce (i like newman's own)

Sweet Potatoes

Boxed Vegetable Noodles

Konjac Noodles

Plain Popcorn (i buy them in bulk kernels and keep them in a mason jar)

Protein Bars (clif bars are my fav)

Fiber Bars (for the girlies who haven't shit all week)

Unsalted Whole Almonds

Pistachios

Plain Rolled Oats

Sugar Free Dark Chocolate (i get the mini hersheys ones so i don't overeat)

Plain Black Coffee

Green Tea Packets

Sugar Free Granola

Cereal (i like great grains, kashi, etc)

Cinnamon (cinnamon gum too)

Chili Powder (or any spicy seasoning)

Hot Sauce

Natural Peanut Butter (a spoonful of this is a lifesaver)

Nutella

Everything Bagel Seasoning (i throw it on everything)

Wheat Thins or Wheat Crackers

Seaweeed Chips

Raw Honey

Quinoa

Olive Oil (or any vegetable oil)

Almond Flour

Stevia (or turbinado sugar)

Electrolyte Packets

(u can add more stuff this is just all i could think of)

now go forth and shop❣️

[happyk44]

Jasico prompt for @butt-puncher based off this tweet

---

Leo peered over Jason's head. "Who's XghostkingX?" His chin came to rest on Jason's shoulder. "Sounds likely a freaky dude."

Jason swiped away the notification and kept watching the dog training video Piper sent with the caption "You" and a pink heart emoji. "Just this guy who sends me recipes." Jason frowned as the video ended and typed a quick rebuttal back at Piper that just because the dog was a golden retriever did not mean it was him. "I don't know him."

Leo's breath went hot against his cheek. "Then why," Leo said, drawing out the "I" sound for as long as his breath lasted. He rolled over, locking his head backwards over Jason's shoulder, face to the curling and finally inhaled. Coughing briefly, he continued, "is he DMing you?" Leo flicked his cheek. "What, he is a potential booty call?"

Jason scowled. "I don't do that, Leo."

"You should," Leo huffed. "I got pegged on Tuesday by a hottie boom-booty and her boyfriend. All with the sweet send of a "You down to clown?" meme."

Rolling his eyes, Jason shifted ever so slightly and grinned when Leo slid off his shoulder and crashed to the ground. "You give all aroace people a bad name."

From the ground, Leo swatted at Jason's ankles. "Just because I don't get the attraction part doesn't mean I don't know what good feels like. And there are some angles only the thick fingers of a college football player can hit, alright?'"

Jason snorted and opened up Instagram. He switched to the messages section and clicked the top one. A link to a recipe popped up. Above it were a thousand other recipe links. No messages, no words, no comments.

Just other people's posts.

Jason didn't know who this Nico guy was. It was spring break in his sophomore year of high school. His step-mom dragged them all out to some meditative retreat that banned all use of electronics. It was supposed to be some kind of spiritual cleanse. All Jason remembered was doing yoga, eating really bland meals, and Thalia sneaking out of their room through the window in the middle of the night and coming back six hours later smelling like weed and wearing someone else's bra.

She had a lot more fun than he did.

But when he finally got his phone back, he had twenty-three messages from XghostkingX, all recipe posts from different accounts. He checked out the account, trying to figure out who "Nico" was. But the account was private. He checked out the recipes too. They weren't weird. Seemed like completely normal recipes. Bread, pasta, Mexican dishes, Indian dishes, pastries, keto, high protein, vegeterian. Pretty much everything except Italian.

Which Jason found interesting. He wanted to ask about it but...

He turned and flashed a sprawled out Leo the messages. "They're just recipes. He started sending them to me when I was on that no-phones thing with my family."

Leo snatched the phone from him and begin scrolling at top speed. "Wasn't that, like, five years ago?" Jason shrugged. Leo stared at him unamused. "Seriously, man? And you haven't said anything?" He shook the phone. "You don't even know this guy!"

Jason reached for his phone but Leo rolled away, spring up to his feet. "Leo, give me my phone."

"Just one second," Leo said, very clearly typing something.

"Do not talk to him, Leo!" Jason shouted, shooting out of his chair and towards his best friend.

"I'm just gonna hit him up!" Leo yelled as he scrambled away on his gangly twig legs. "See what's up!"

Jason grabbed a pillow off his bed and hurled it at Leo through the doorway. Leo squawked loud, without dignity, as it beamed him in the back of the head and knocked him down. Darting through the doorway, Jason threw himself over Leo. All the air fwooshed out of his lungs.

Grunts and grounds filled the air as they wrestled for the phone. Leo curled inwards of himself. Jason rolled him over onto his back. Leo kicked at him. Grabbing at his legs, Jason pinned him down and started tugging at his arms. He ripped the phone of Leo's hands and sat on his chest in retaliation.

Leo spread his hands behind his head and fluttered his eyelashes, before wheezing, "Why, why Mr. Grace, you're so forward."

Jason shoved his foot in Leo's face. Leo shouted and slapped it away with spluttering indignation. "Fuck off and suffocate, Valdez." He turned to his phone. His heart exploded in his chest. Panic induced upwards his throat. "Oh my fucking gods, Leo." He shoved both his feet into Leo's face again, kicking at his jaw.

Ignoring Leo's protesting yells, Jason scanned the string of messages in the chat. The first one started off okay. Yo, who is this? Then they slowly began to deteriorate into complete nonsense. Probably as Jason and Leo were fighting over the phone.

Crap, crap, crap, he thought, as he began typing out apologies.

Sorry for that, it was my friend, he was wondering why you keep DMing me even though we don't know each other. He sent the text and closed out of the app before planting both feet beside Leos face and flaring down at him.

Jason bonked him again then twitched as his phone buzzed. The notification read XghostkingX sent you a message. Leo squirmed under Jason's weight. "Did he respond? Is he telling you why he keeps sending you messages? Is he hot?"

Leo batted his eyelashes Sweetly. Jason bonked him on the head with his phone. "I am going to eat you one day, Leo."

"I don't care what you do to me, so long as I get to come first," Leo said.

Jason swatted at him as he opened up the text.

Haha, no problem. I was wondering when you were going to say something. I'm Nico. Sorry for all the recipes. I was sick with the flu and couldn't remember how to save them to my notes app. I meant to send them to my sister, but I messed up on her username. I'm dyslexic. Powered through it but it does get worse when I can't think straight. Actually using speech to text right now. Filling in the punctuations after the fact. Anyway, you never said anything so I just kept saving there here to refer back to. Kind of easier than opening my notes app all the time to be honest.

Another text popped up. A picture this time. Followed by a series of more pictures. All of food. Jason recognized some of them from the recipes he'd clicked through out of curiosity. The plating was different. A little less professional, but they looked just as good as they had in the videos.

Some of the photos had a cute boy in the background. He presented the plates with a shy look on his face. His dark shaggy hair was pulled back in a few photos.

Some of my successes, the next message read.

Quickly Jason texted back, Is that you?

Yeah, Nico's reply read. My sister took them to send to my grandma in Venice. I usually just photograph the food. I have other pictures on my page. You can follow if you want.

Jason didn't hesitate before replying, Okay.

He clicked Nico's username and hit the follow button before waiting patiently. A second later the page opened up for him. Nico had a lot of pictures of food, dogs, paintings. There were few pictures of him as Jason scrolled mindlessly through his accounts. The ones that did feature him were always flocked by two other girls - one white and tall, with a braid tucked over her shoulder and fierce eyes, the other short and black with a wide smile, typically tucked under one of their arms.

Jason clicked on a picture of what looked to lasagna roll-up but much fancier and sent it to the chat. That looks good. I don't remember seeing a post for it.

That's my grandma's recipe, Nico typed back. It's a chicken cannelloni. Trade secret though. Can't give it to you. There was a brief lull before another message popped up. But I could make it for you, if you're interested. Make up for spamming you these last five years. Laughing face emoji.

Jason paused. Then, Does it travel well? Who knows if the USPS will keep it fresh.

My dad lives in the Bay Area, Nico replied with a laughing face emoji. And I'm here for the next couple months. Another brief pause while Jason's mind caught up with the air in his lungs. If you didn't want people to know where you lived, you shouldn't post pictures of yourself at university. Congrats on your win by the way.

A deep heat crossed Jason's face. So Nico had checked out his page? What did he think of the personality Jason exhibited through carefully selected photographs and captions? Did he think he was cool?

Beneath him Leo was still struggling and wheezing. Jason ignored him as he typed. I'd be creeped out, but that cannoli thing looks too good, so yeah, why not?

Nico's reply was a cute smiley emoji. Here's my number, he wrote. Call me when you wanna come over. Takes a while to make the pasta from scratch but I'm sure I can keep you entertained. Another smiling emoji.

Jason swallowed around his rising emotions. Sounds good. I'll let you know when I'm free.

A thumbs up and another smiley face.

Finally, he slid off of Leo's chest and landed on the hardwood floors. Leo inhaled dramatically then coughed rapidly before flipping over to his stomach. He groaned as he pushed himself up to his knees. Jason exited the chat.

"So, you getting that dick or what?" Leo drawled. Jason shoved him back as he laughed deliriously.

"Shut up." He pushed up to a stand and dragged Leo off the floor. "He's gonna make me one of his recipes."

"Ahh, dinner date."

Jason cuffed Leo's shoulder before wrapping him in a headlock. Leo laughed boisterously and didn't fight back. Instead he licked a long line down Jason's arm. Jason rolled his eyes and pinched his ear before letting him go.

"It's not a date." He smoothed down his shirt and began looking through his calendar. "He's just trying to make up for spamming me these last five years."

"Uh huh," Leo said, with a twinkle in his eyes that Jason sometimes loved and sometimes hated.

"Yeah, uh huh," Jason muttered back.

Another notification popped up. Without a second thought, Jason clicked it. A picture of a small cake with elaborate icing work and chocolate drips. Nico was in the background, crouched low so all you could see was his face, flour in his hair, a little bit of icing smeared on his cheek. He was smiling wide, eyes glancing up at the person taking the picture. Underneath the photo were the words, For dessert?

Jason hearted the photo immediately and wrote, Sounds good. It looks delicious.

Leo leaned over his shoulder. "He does look pretty delicious."

Jason swatted him away, cheeks burning. "Fuck off, Valdez." Leo cackled behind him before jogging back into Jason's bedroom. Jason turned back to the photo. Nico did look really nice. Messy in a cute way.

Maybe if Jason played his cards right, he could score more than a free dinner and a cute dessert.

[swinging-from-my-cable]

It's just gonna be me and husband (again) for Christmas. What cookies should I bake?

I've got a stand mixer, so I could make gingerbread, but that means decorating it. I have made peanut blossoms almost every year, because I love them. I normally make whisky cookies, but this year I only have American whiskys, so that's probably out. I am probably making husband keto rum balls so he has a keto option (though he says he will eat any and all baked goods). I could make molasses crinkles, which would be a first. Another first would be bizcochitos, which I somehow haven't made since college. I'd love to make spritz, but I don't have a cookie press; maybe I could make butter cookies instead?

I was also planning on making a pumpkin Swiss roll and maybe some pumpkin bread, quite possibly from scratch. (Or I could make a pumpkin/squash soup.)

So...which cookies do I make? I can make mini batches.

[coconchoco]

Keto bread loaf recipe allows you to make your own low carb, high protein bread and eat it with a variety of meals like breakfast and lunch. If you’re looking for a low carb bread recipe that is healthy, easy to make and tastes great then this keto bread loaf recipe is perfect. Read article now. Website: https://www.acuteblog.com/2022/12/09/the-keto-bread-loaf-recipe-to-make-at-home/

[ctrlaltentreat]

the bread of enlightenment

you may be wondering why i haven’t been so active on here lately. see, i’ve been going through some changes... working on some personal things, and i would like to share my experience with you today. maybe you can take away something useful from it.

it was a dreary monday morning, walking around the office park. i was thinking about a lot of things... for the first time ever really. i heard of people doing this whole “introspecting” thing before but i never really got it. but anyway i was thinking about things such as... what is the purpose of life? what comes after death? why did God give us bread if it makes us fat? I was so tired of my keto diet. how little i knew then. how stupid, how small-minded i was. suddenly... there was a rustling in the bushes. i thought it was my drunk boss again.

what would occur over the next few hours, some of which are now a blur, would become the strangest, most life-altering experiences of my life.

i woke up in a dark room. i was strapped... like literally strapped. i was understandably wondering to myself, where the fuck did i get all these guns? i thought, crap, did i get kidnapped by the NRA again? 

a figure stepped into the light. “you can get rid of the guns, that was just a power play.” 

“it was a power play to give... me the guns?” 

“yes antiNY, you’re beginning to see it now.” 

“who... who is antiny?”

“it is your new name. you see ANTIny, i’ve been watching you from afar.” 

i knew it. i had felt like i was being watched, ever since... the Storm... sometimes i’d come home at night and all the lights would be out. i would hear these faint whispers in the wind, a smell of warm yeast... it freaked me the hell out. it felt like the Carb Devil was after me.

the words he spoke next enraptured me.

he said “son, in life, sometimes, there are certain sacrifices we have to, make. sometimes, we have to give up something, we love, in order to achieve a higher purpose. i see that you are on a wrong, path. cutting out bread won’t make that, cute himbo in accounting want to fuck you.”

wow... he really had been watching me. it all made so much sense. it felt like he knew me better than i knew myself.

by this time the Doctor had walked away. i heard some clanging sounds, almost like a pan being taken out of an oven.

“who... are you?”

“who am i? Ha! whoo ammm I! my silly boy, that is not important now. all the answers to your questions will be revealed in due time. now,

it is time, 

to begin, 

your 

initiation.”

i barely had time to wonder why he was taking a ten second pause between each word when he whipped out... the bread suit.

i was horrified. 

"now... you will begin to see the light.”

“no! i can’t! i’ve worked so hard to stay in ketosis!”

“i made it, special for you AnTinY, your very own bun cage.”

“nooooooooooooooooo!”

this is where things start to get fuzzy. i was so desperate, i thought, i could never kill anyone... but i couldn’t go through keto flu again. i tried every gun, but they were all made of cake. i slunk down into the corner of the room, writhing. i felt like i was being smothered by an evil pillsbury doughboy. 

i blacked out.

next thing i knew, i was in the bun suit, hurdling towards my death.

i remember getting this strange feeling as a kid when i watched the birds by andrew hickock. watching the birds attack all those funny speaking, modestly dressed people made me shiver. sure, that would be scary to anyone. but no, i felt this on a spiritual level. somehow he could tell just by looking at the back of my head, my grandpa said to me, “watch out son, thats gonna be you some day.” i thought he was just trying to scare me. i didn’t know what he meant until now.

“now aNtIny, you will begin to see the lesson, the beauty. you must not only think of yourself and your puny desires, but think of, the Birds.” 

I thought no, not today. i’m not gonna die. i should have accepted a membership to the NRA. 

i tucked and rolled out of the car. and kept rolling. the fucking bread buns made me bounce and fly like a loose tire on a racetrack. after what seemed like hours, i landed on the beach. i learned a lesson that day alright: you can’t escape your fate.

but you can put on a bread suit, and that way the sea gulls will be so occupied with the sweet, sweet bread that they’ll forget the mission they’ve been sent on to assassinate one of the future’s most dangerous political opponents. that’s right. i’m (redacted).

after a stay at the hospital and some physical therapy i made a full recovery.  i have never felt more free than i did that day. and its all because of CULT. they quite literally, and figuratviely, saved my life. did you get weird, haunting feelings as a kid that seem to point to a greater destiny? are you stuck on the pointless hamster wheel of death? are you looking for protection? from ted cruz?

sometimes, i feel............................... yeah.

a few months later, i was walking through the office park again getting ready to quit my job and join my CULT comrades on the conquest for bread... just then, i heard a voice come out from behind the bushes... or was it the clouds...

“i told you son.”

“grandpa!?”

--

thank you for hearing my story. i hope you will strongly consider the words you heard with your earholes to think about it with your brainmeat today please consider joining CULT today. all personal lessons the Doctor gives you are individualized, i just happened to have this bread obsession... but, he already knew that, didn’t he... that son of a gun. anyway, anticentrism ⚑

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pevUK8Ftms8&t=2s

[queenketouk]

EASY KETO BURGER BUNS

Easy Keto Burger Buns. 0.6g carbs, soft yet sturdy, neutral in flavour, and far better than anything that comes out of a plastic bag, whether keto or otherwise.They're incredibly simple to make and as close to real bread flavour and texture as you can get.You won't find them stodgy, sticky, or heavy, and they're also much lighter in calories than the usual keto breads, because they don't involve nuts, coconut, seeds, cheese, or butter. You can even use them as pizza bases (0.3g carbs): just flip upside down, top with tomato sauce, cheese and the toppings you like, then grill for 5 minutes. Read the full article

[dumbasspimpster]

“Darling” she whined from the living room, “Cooome heeere.” I knew from the tone of her voice that she had had another “accident”.

I went over to living room to find her looking up at me from a seated position on her yoga mat, her legs splayed out in front of her, looking ready to cry.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I did it again” she moaned. I knew immediately what had happened. I went behind her and lifted up her enormous shelf butt to reveal a split along the seat. It was low enough that I could have slipped a finger right up into her vagina. Or her anus, if you prefer.

“I’ll buy you another pair” I said, trying to sound stern and concealing the fact that I was actually pleased by this development, as it meant my wife had ate her way out of another pants size. I could feel an erection coming on.

“Okay” she said, looking dejected. In only a few moments she began sobbing and the tears began to flow.

“Hey, hey, hey” I said, wrapping my arms around her from behind, “It’s not your fault.” Reaching around her broad back and side rolls, I got my hands just far enough to fondle the tops of her enormous breasts. They quivered like Jello moulds as she sobbed.

“Yes it is” she wailed. “I shouldn’t be doing yoga.” She twisted around to look at me with big beautiful eyes full of tears. “I’m getting… fat!” she cried, spitting out the last word like it was a dirty admission of sin.

“Shhhhhh” I said, stroking her wobbling double chin, “That’s not true. You’re beautiful.”

That was only half a lie. She was beautiful. But it was becoming harder and harder to conceal the truth. For one, I was hardly able to carry enough freeweights in order to miscalibrate the bathroom scale before she used it. For another, it was becoming increasingly difficult with every size to find clothes that fit her. Last month I had forgot to take off the tag on a pair of size 28 yoga pants and had only discovered it when I was teaching my hand down the back of them during foreplay. She could easily have seen it there when she put them on, if she was more observant in general.

“Did you weigh yourself?” I asked.

“Yes, 168 pounds!” she replied. Okay, so add my own weight, plus 180 pounds of freeweights, I thought. Shit, she’s almost maxed out the scale. “But I don’t think that can be right.”

“But you’re eating a keto diet” I said. Another half-truth. I did all the grocery shopping and cooking and made sure she shoveled her face full of lots of avocado, olive oil, nuts, fish, veggies with dip, and of course - red meat. But she also ate lots of bread and had many compulsive cravings for candy, which, like a child, she was unable to control. And sometimes when she was sad, she would enter a sort of binge-eating trance state, and we would put on a long girly movie and I would feed her cartons of ice cream and plates full of cookies and entire extra-large pizzas until she couldn’t move from the couch and I would fuck her and fall asleep on top of her and in the morning she wouldn’t remember a thing.

Sex with her was the best thing because she was getting fat everywhere and had soft supple skin and I could grab her anywhere and there were literally several different crevices I had fucked her in and she bounced and jiggled like a waterbed while I made love to her. She enjoyed every minute and liked to giggle joyfully as I fucked her, revelling in the attention I paid to every nook and cranny of her growing body. And the bigger she got, the crazier her sex drive got.

Now I had her in my arms with her ass spilling out of tight yoga pants and I wiped tears from her big full cheeks and she grabbed me and began kissing me passionately.

“You’re right, I’m not stupid” she said in between kisses. “If I’m fat, how are you so attracted to me?”

I smiled at her. “I love you” I said.

“I love you too”. With that, she launched herself at me, and 540 pounds of woman came tumbling over me.

[majesticartax]

Top 5 desserts?

Top 5 snacks?

Top 5 TV shows?

Top 5 musical artists?

desserts:

-bread pudding

-crème brûlée

-lemon ice cream

-peanut butter and chocolate pie/cake

-cherry pie

snacks:

-salt and vinegar almonds

-cha cha natural sunflower seeds

-cremeux de bourgogne cheese

-fruit roll-ups

-keto cheddar crackers

tv shows (this is hard bc i only watch youtube these days, but i’ll try 😅):

-Haikyuu (even though i haven’t seen the last season yet don’t you dare come for me)

-Hey Arnold

-Sweet Home

-Euphoria

-Invincible

musical artists:

-the blood brothers

-genghis tron

-devotchka

-akira yamaoka

-blink 182 (my dark past compels me to add them to this list :3)

thank you thank you!!