Ballet dancer reader x khonshu who tries to be his mysterious scary self and the reader just WHIPS her leg up to uppercut his head and crack his skull. Khonshu grabs her leg at the last second and he’s VERY surprised as she looks him DEAD in the eye, “I will FUCK you up. My ballet teacher has been a Russian matriarch since I was 5. You can’t scare me, bitch”. And khonshu’s just “Well mark me down as nervous AND horny!!”
I fucking cackled at this it's so fucking gorgeous
I changed it up a bit for comedic effect but asfghhkkll
Old Birds and New Tricks
Khonshu x Fem!Dancer!Reader
TW/CW: Attempted mugging, reader is a badass, Khonshu pops a boner for the first time in like ever, but nothing explicit happens :)
A/N: I figured you'd get a kick outta this one @drinkingwithkhonshu @juneknight because I'm on the floor with it lmao
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You were walking home after a long practice session, your toes and legs ached from straining to stay on your tippy toes for so long, your arms cried for relief from the strain of holding the bar, performing so many sweeps and graceful flares alongside your troupe and mentor.
Your mentor, Katja Ivanov was a good teacher and a harsh mentor. She was a hulk of a woman, roped with muscles built over her long period of performing dance (you yourself thought she must have been in prison at some point, too but when you shot the question as a joke she merely laughed; but didn't deny it).
Katja was a woman who took no shit from rude people, and she instilled that in all of you, her dancers, her "baby birds" she called you. She made sure that all of you knew that just because you were dancers, people couldn't take you for granted.
So, after "official" dance practice had ended... Katja taught all of you how to use your strength and flexibility to defend yourselves as well as perform graceful maneuvers.
And it came in handy. Really, really handy.
London was dangerous after dark, the empty streets crawling with bad things in the shadows, like an infection beneath the skin.
That was how you found yourself in an alley, a large drunk man between you and freedom.
You were no quitter, no coward, and instantly, like a computer scanning a file, your brain recollected each one of Katja's lessons and put them into action.
Your body flushed with fresh adrenaline, your heart hammering within the confines of your chest as you whipped around on one foot, your other flying out to kick your assailant in his gut, knocking him back and making him dry heave with the strain.
"I told you, asshole." You hissed, bringing your fists up to guard your face.
"All I got in my bag is my gear. Now piss off before I break your jaw."
"Fuckin'... bitch." The man wheezed as he stumbled out of the alleyway, leaving you behind and feeling the high of victory.
You pick up your bag where you dropped it and slipped the strap back over your chest, the band squishing a bit between your breasts as you tightened it.
"Amusing." A deep, raspy voice mused.
You whipped around, trying in vain to locate the source of the voice. It came from nowhere, but at the same time... it came from everywhere.
"I was merely passing through when I thought to aid you, human." It spoke again, your very bones trembling as the voice bored into your very brain.
"But you seem to have been able to handle that threat on your own."
You pressed your ears hard beneath your hands, gritting your teeth at the invasive feeling the voice left as it crawled in and out of you.
"God! Just--get out of my head!" You say through your gnashed teeth.
You hear an exasperated sigh, and you feel the air shift around you as you lift your gaze, your eyes trailing the body of someone who just appeared in front of you.
He looked like a cliché monster from one of The Mummy movies, draped in linen and flowy robes and everything. The freakin' bird skull completed the freaky visage.
"The hell--" You sputter, dropping your hands from around your ears, taking a step back from the... the thing in front of you.
"Seeing you handle an opponent so large was amusing." He--and you were most certain that he was a he--chuckled grimly. "A tiny little waif like you."
Okay, you didn't care how big and imposing this otherworldly bastard was, the fact he was jabbing at your stature and visual "weaknesses" irked you. You could swear you heard Katja's voice from over your shoulder.
"Kick his ass, да, маленький?" She would jeer.
"You... think I'm... small?" You say slowly, your eyes narrowing to a dangerous glint as he leans in, the smell of the spices clinging to his body wafting into your nose, heat radiating from his lithe body as he bent to your level.
You were giving him a chance to walk it back, maybe apologize for being a judgmental prick, so you wouldn't have to prove once again that you were just the opposite.
He did not.
"You are not as weak as you appear... Little one." He huffed, his head moving in a slight jerking motion, indicating his amusement.
Yeah, no. You had enough of big assholes thinking you were easy pickin's tonight.
You smiled sweetly up at him, your expression completely devoid of any innocence behind the mask of charm. You could see his shoulders drop and head tilt in confusion, but he was given not another moment longer to ponder why you would be smiling.
He expected you to retort, to snap, to--his thoughts were immediately cut off, as you moved in a blur.
Because you effortlessly raised your leg with lightning speed brought on by years of practice, and curled your foot in the classic ballerina's stance and kicked him in his stupid ass beak.
When your shoe made contact, you swore you heard the dry bones crunch as he stumbled back, almost falling flat on his ass before he caught himself with his staff, a grunt coming away from him.
Your hands gripped your bag strap as you looked down at him indignantly, a sense of smug superiority washing over you.
"Not as weak as you thought, now, huh?" You huffed victoriously, before turning on your heels and storming out of the alley.
Khonshu, the god of the Moon, dispenser of Justice and protector of those in the night...
...was just kicked in the face by a tiny woman.
And she actually did manage to crack his bones. They healed almost instantly, of course, thanks to his divinity.
But what didn't heal was his pride as he kneeled in the dirty alley, leaning on his staff for support as he watched you leave.
The look in your eyes, the power behind your legs... It was like the sun came up early and rose with your kick, to wash out the cool light of his moon with the harsh burning rays of daylight.
And it left him stunned. Stunned in a way no mortal has ever been able to.
And, frankly, he found his body responding in... other ways, too. Ways he hadn't indulged in what felt like... eons.
He was a god, yes, but divinity doesn't automatically grant piousness; and he found himself imagining you using your legs in a different way.
Had Khonshu a human mouth, he would be smiling.
He needed to see you again.
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да (pronounced da) = Yes
маленький (pronounced malen'kiy) = Little One
(Forgive me if it's butchered, I used Google translate for it asdfghjkl)
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Over The Moon
Khonshu x Reader
TW/CW: None
A/N: This is something that hit me and I'm hoping writing it will help knock me out of my funk while I take a couple days to myself (going on a trip with some friends). So enjoy this little blurb of the tall pigeon man!
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It was time for the fireworks to start soon. The snow and ice chilled you to the bone, and you sat on a bench overlooking the Hudson River.
It was deserted, given the particular location of the bench, and the proximity to a one of the closed-down subway entrances, that housed the homeless.
Many people felt unsafe there, but you knew you'd always be safe at night. Especially around the homeless. They, like you, were under the protection of someone great.
Someone powerful.
Someone who... really needed to work on his people skills...
You turn your thermos in your hands, briefly passing the warmed metal into one palm while you checked the time on your phone.
Four minutes until the clock struck the new year; and the moon was as bright as ever. It was abnormally large as well, but it was beautiful and provided a gorgeous backdrop for the fireworks display that was due to start soon.
You slipped your phone back into your pocket and closed your eyes as snowflakes drifted down from the scattered clouds, a stray moonbeam peeking out here and there, always seeming to illuminate you and you alone; as if something--or someone--simply wanted to bathe you in the cool ethereal light of that lunar object.
You weren't sure how much time had passed until you felt the warm touch of someone's fingers grazing your cheek.
You open your eyes and turn your head to see the hulking, lithe frame above you.
His body was draped in linen and loose robes, a gold crescent moon secured to his chest. His colors seemed bleak, non-existent.
What completed his strange, otherworldly appearance was the dessicated bird skull that hung with some invisible force in place of what would be a human head.
His other hand gripped his staff as he leaned over the bench to peer at you with large, eyeless sockets.
"You are frigid." His voice rumbles through you.
You smile at him, sipping your hot cider. "Well that happens when it's only about 2 degrees outside, Khonshu."
"Hmph." He grunted, moving in a haze until he was sitting to your side, cross-legged on the ground next to the bench, his staff resting on his shoulder.
"Uh, Khonshu... There's a bench here..."
"I know."
"Then why--"
You were interrupted when his large hands encapsulated your waist and he pulled you down to him, firmly planting you in his lap, between his crossed legs.
You opened your mouth to complain about how he almost made you spill your cider--but the unnatural warmth his body exuded quickly snuffed the flame of your complaint as you sank against him with a contented sigh.
His body always carries the warmth of the deserts, the scent of sweet spices and just a hint of mildew. Most others wouldn't enjoy the combination of smells, but you enjoyed it.
He smelled... safe. You knew whenever you smelled him, no harm would ever come to you. That you would never be lonely.
"Better?" He asked, his voice almost condescending.
You stick your finger up, "This doesn't mean you won anything, old man."
"Of course it does. I am a god, Little Star." He chuckled, his arms circling around you to pull you close against his chest.
You chuckled back at him, bringing a frozen finger to caress the beak of his skull.
The texture was smooth, like a normal bone being sanded and smoothed down by endless days of being blasted by the sands of time.
"You're so full of yourself." You admonished playfully.
"Hmmh."
You jumped with a squeak when the first fireworks go off, casting blue-red glows down upon the two of you.
Your jolt of fear seems to amuse the god, and another warm chuckle rolls out of him, settling deep into your bones.
"Not funny." You huffed, trying to sound indignant but the smile on your lips betray your tone as you both lift your gazes to the sky at the bright lights booming high above.
You feel his arms tighten around your almost imperceptibly, caging you against him in a loving embrace.
Yes.
You knew, as long as he was here, you were safe.
And he was home.
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