Some fic because I love your au, Fenton is gender brainrot, and little baby dan cracks me up. Full disclosure, my only familiarity with DC is DP crossover fanfic, and a Batman movie I fell asleep during. (If I had a better grasp on the characters I would totally write more :(( i love interactions) also sorry for the weird spacing. Idk why tumblr did that
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There was an empty cardboard box on the table of the Justice League’s main conference room. Taped on the top flap, next to a doodle of Fenton’s logo, was a jump drive.
Heaving a sigh, Batman plugged it in and pulled up his screen on the projector. The drive, which was named “little baby dan’s evil playtime”, contained two files; WATCH_ME_FIRST.mp4 and its-a-secreeeet.pdf. He clicked on the video file, and immediately the projector filled with a blurry close-up of Fenton’s goggles.
After a moment of fiddling with the camera, Fenton stepped back, giving a cheery wave. His lab coat and goggles were a pastel pink, which was new. “Heeeeya, Bats! Whoever else is there! If you’re watching this, you probably weren’t there when I dropped the box off, aaand it’s probably empty.”
He clapped his hands together gleefully. “And Connie, if you’re there, this is payback for cussing around my daughter.” Batman was instantly relieved that Constantine wasn’t on base. Hopefully the situation wouldn’t require Constantine’s expertise. (Or any of the Justice League Dark. Fenton seemed determined to drive them all to an early grave with his casual refusal to acknowledge the supernatural air around him.)
“Now, as you’re all heroes, I’m sure you’re all familiar with the whole,” Fenton paused for a moment, as if searching for the proper words. “”You ate a burger on a Tuesday or something equally inane, and it kickstarted a series of events that led to you going insane and evil and murdering 95% of the Earth’s population and now you must fight your evil alternate self, because your time-controlling cryptid Peepaw said so,” shtick, so I’ll skip the backstory. Say hi to Dan!” Fenton grabbed the camera, and Batman quickly jotted down several notes about the concerning number of things the boy had just said.
The camera swiveled around to show Nightingale, holding a strange beast in a manner that reminded Batman of an “elongated cat meme” Nightwing had shown him when he was still a Robin. The creature bared a maw full of razor sharp fangs at the camera. Nightingale adjusted her grip to hold the creature’s paw and make it wave, which evoked a deep growl.
“Haha, he’d kill me if I did that. Dan likes Nightingale much more than he likes me.”
“Because the worst she has ever done is attempt to shoot me.”
The camera had moved, so Batman couldn’t visually confirm that the deep voice had come from the creature, but the voice didn’t match any of Fenton’s previously revealed companions. “Yeah yeah, her aim sucked back then.” Fenton gave the camera a toothy grin that was only slightly less unnerving than the creature’s. “Dan’s not technically me, he’s much more like Dani, actually, but the world would probably end again if we left him with his other... What did you call him?” Fenton glanced offscreen.
“Bane of my accursed existence.”
Fenton chucked. “The other half responsible for his existence.” Batman added more notes to his file. “So, yeah, Clocky left him with us for a bit to help along his rehab. But a certain psychologist-in-training I know says that repressing rage isn’t healthy, and even without a lot of his powers, he can wipe out most of a city in- what, an hour? We tested it. It was around an hour.”
Everyone present shared a look of deep concern. As if able to see their reaction, Fenton quickly held up his hands in surrender. “Don’t worry! Clocky reset it. Approximately zero people have died from Dan in this timeline.”
“Yet.” Came a furious rumble from off-screen.
“Yes, you’re very scary.” They heard Nightingale coo.
Fenton laughed. “Yeah, we need him- and all of you, -out of our hair for a bit while we concoct more evil plans, and you’re all the least likely to die to him, so you get to babysit! Thanks!”
He reached to shut off the camera before pausing and turning away. “Foley! Which of the furries is the one who really likes animals?”
“Man, do you realize how that sounds out of context?” Foley laughed. “I think Tim said it’s the little one. Damian?”
Fenton nodded and turned back to the camera. “Don’t let Damian try to adopt Dan. Or anyone. Dan will bite their hands off. I mean it!” To emphasize his point, he removed one of his hands.
Batman sighed and added “ability to remove limbs” to a list of Fenton’s powers.
“I’ll include a list of “tasks”” Fenton’s disembodied hand made finger quotes, “we gave Dan to keep him occupied. There’s some at the bottom for you guys. They’re mostly just blatant abuse of his powers for the sake of fun and science. I’d appreciate it if you’d let him mark things off the list and add notes on how it goes. Or you can do it. Or I can steal your cameras. Your choice.”
He thought for a second. “I think you’re supposed to leave, like, pizza money or something, but I don’t think you can get pizza delivered to space. Anyway, thanks for letting me blab your ears off while Dan’s probably committing war crimes for twelve minutes. For your sake, I hope he inherited my interest in space. Good luck! Thanks for babysitting!”
Waving with his still detached hand, Fenton ended the video. Batman closed it and opened the PDF as the few other members present murmured amongst themselves. Most of the pages were filled with a curling script Batman didn’t recognize. The fourth page had a huge, bolded header, reading JP TASKS.
The door opened and shut in half a second as the Flash burst in. “Superman!” The speedster wailed. “I can’t get this thing off of me!”
The Flash waved his arm around, sending small droplets of blood flying as he tried to dislodge the creature sinking his teeth into the speedster’s arm. Batman raised an eyebrow beneath his cowl as Superman quickly lent his super strength in attempt to pry the creature’s jaw open. Dan didn’t budge.
Well, he could certainly see the family resemblance been Fenton, Dani, and Dan. Shaking his head, he turned back to the list.
Task 1: Find Dan. He’s probably attacking someone.
He highlighted the text and crossed it out. This was going to be a long shift.
[Anon, this is me crying over the wonderful gift you have given me. You bastard.]
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"Do you think Fenton's regeneration powers extend to his..." Green Lantern frowned, trying to remember the word the kid had used but coming up blank. "I dunno. But do you think if we cut off little Dan here, he'll heal back up with no problem?" He gestured helplessly to the scene in front of him. Flash was still screeching about the beast on his arm, and now Superman and Wonder Woman were trying to pry him off. Batman was standing to the side, silently bemoaning the lack of quiet. He just wanted one peaceful shift. Just one. Please.
"I'd like to see you try, hero. And I'm not little." Dan spoke, startling all of them. His grip on Flash's arm tightened, making the speedster squeal before releasing the man and spitting out a mouthful of his blood. Batman noticed that his mouth didn't move despite the clearly spoken words. In fact, when Dan closed his mouth, it was like he didn't have one at all.
"So you do speak!" Superman marveled.
"Of course I do. I am not unintelligent, unlike you lot."
Despite his pain, Flash still made sounds of protest that everyone promptly ignored.
Superman flushed. "I just wasn't sure. It was hard to tell in the video."
"Ah, yes. The video that the Fenton menace sent you. Was there a note for me in the flash drive?"
"Uh, no." In one of his less finer moments, Green Lantern stuttered over his words and moved in front of Batman, obviously lying. Dan merely growled and flew through both men, heading straight for the giant monitor. Batman barely suppressed a shiver. Density shifting? Might as well add it to the list. He could see Martian Manhunter, who was in the back of the room, tilt his head at the display.
Dan ignored the room as he used his entire body to manipulate the computer mouse and scrolled back up to the top of the page. Staring intently at the scribbles no one could make out, the heroes could do nothing but shoot each other nervous and confused glances. More than a few of them jumped when Dan chuckled deeply. Honestly, his tiny body was at complete odds with his baritone voice.
"Maybe rehab will be fun if he's letting me do this." Dan sneered, flashing their reflections a sharp fang. No one wanted to ask what exactly he was in rehab for. The little beast turned his gaze to Batman. "You are the one called Batman, who rules the cursed city, correct?" The dark hero nodded, not trusting himself to say anything. "Excellent. You will be my chaperone for now, just as Fenton decreed it. Good luck, mortal man. Pray, I do not destroy your home a second time."
Without any time to unpack that conversation, Dan promptly disappeared from view. Some blinking text caught his attention, and Batman scrolled back down to the English text, glancing at the next few items on the list.
Task 2: Do not let Dan read his portion of this letter until you have a way to track him. There is no containing him.
Task 3: Keep him with a chaperone at all times. (If you can)
Task 4: Do not let Dan back into Gotham unless you're fine with a sudden decrease in the clown population.
Task 5: Take him for a walk in Death Valley. He likes hunting lizards.
Task 6: Make sure he goes down for his 2pm nap every day.
Task 7: He'll ask for it, but do not give him any burgers for mealtime. It upsets his stomach.
Task 8: Dan gets ONE(1) sweet after dinner before brushing his teeth. Those green pop rocks Batman always carries will do fine; he likes those. :)
A sudden alarm blared from his wristwatch, making Batman tear his eyes away from the screen, indicating an emergency at Arkham. This time, Batman actually sighed out loud. There was more to the list, but right now, he really needed to find their new charge before he killed the Joker, from the sound of it.
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This morning, I unfollowed my third person in as many months for complaining about their ao3 engagement, and I regret nothing.
The moment I allow myself to start thinking about how many people are reading my work over how much joy I bring into a space, the quality of my writing goes down the drain. And seeing this kind of thing from people who I share a fandom with(thereby knowing the degree to which their last fic outpaced the sum total of my last three by hits) makes me a bit crazy. Because I don't want to be the kind of author who obsesses over status! I want to write stories I'm proud of, and that bring me joy. If someone out there likes them, that's great! But it can't be what drives me.(Notice how I'm really driving this point home for myself, because it is HARD not to fall into this trap and I am trying to do better.)
But I see people complain about the hits or the kudos or the comments, ESPECIALLY in relation to other authors(again, a callout for me specifically- I'm trying to do better!) We're not in competition with each other, babes. We're on the same team! We like the same show/movie/ship(s)! Just because you play tight end and I'm a kicker doesn't mean we aren't wearing the same jersey. By using stats as the marker for your success, you are wildly underselling the value of what you made. With nothing but a little inspiration, your imagination and likely a fair bit of caffeine, you created a story that is entirely your own. That is an incredible achievement on its own. Did one person tell you it meant something to them? I'm so glad you found each other. Two? How lucky you are to have been able to touch people's lives. Three feels like the sweet spot- perfect number for a virtual happy hour to scream in the group chat about headcanons.
Point being, I guess- you owe me nothing! If you want to read my fic and leave me a comment, I would love that. Comments and kudos and all of that do bring me joy. Don't want to comment? Totally fine! You owe me nothing. Don't want to read what I write? Also totally okay! You owe me nothing.
Now, here's what I owe to myself- the peace of mind that comes from not playing the comparison game, and protecting myself by not allowing in voices who are at odds with that aim.
(As a final note, if you want to complain about "cool in groups" in fandom I have excellent news: no one is cool! We're all a bunch on mangy nerds. Please say hi! Or don't! You owe me nothing.)
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Up and Down
Thoughts on how beings generally perceive their world one spatial dimension lower than the dimensionality of the space they inhabit:
In the flatlands, the way people perceive the world around them is through lines, and so visual receptors HAVE to be on the edges of their shapes
Otherwise by all accounts the person would be effectively blind
So Mrs.Red and Mr.Blue have this strange yellow boy
Who appears to be born with no eyes
(It’s directly in his center, but without tests and doctors nobody can see it)
And for all intents and purposes, the boy is blind
He has to feel his way around buildings and people (in his hand a black cane that his parents bought to aid him)
And he doesn’t know what his parents look like, and only knows them by their voice as they guide him
They love him all the same, regardless
(Meanwhile, he stares up at the infinite expanse of the night sky. But the thing about infinity is that it makes where you stand so infinitesimally tiny in comparison, and no matter how far you run side to side the stars do not move an inch for you. And if they’re all someone sees, the only logical conclusion that can be drawn is that where they are is unspeakably, claustrophobically small)
(It doesn’t matter if the kids at school bully him and the adults look at him with pity and disdain that he can’t even see, because don’t they know how SMALL they are? Don’t they know how small EVERYTHING is?)
And so, with years and years and nowhere else to go, Bill reaches UP
(And no-one else has tried before, because why would they? There is no up or down to conceive, only forwards and backwards and left and right.)
It takes unimaginable amounts of energy to punch a rift into a dimension. In a time and space unmeasurably far away, a six fingered man and his five fingered twin would learn that lesson well
In the flatlands, it’s less of an interdimensional portal looming ominously in a metal room and more of a calculation
l is for length. w is for width. h is for height
And like a computer told to divide by zero, everything falls apart
Did you know that when energetic particles that erupt from the stars collide with a sufficiently nitrogen rich atmosphere, it produces the color blue?
Did you know the only reason the flatlanders didn’t drift off into the freezing cold yet boiling hot void of space, despite not having a planet with the volume and mass needed to produce a gravitational field, is their dimension’s lack of third dimensionality?
Like insects pinned underneath glass, yet the glass protected their corpses from falling apart?
They scream. He cries. He laughs. They die.
It’s an old saying: “When gravity falls and earth becomes sky beware the beast with just one eye”
And when little Billy looks away from the stars, looks down to finally see his tiny, minuscule home
For the first and last time, he sees a blue triangle with a hat, and a red triangle with a bow.
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Guys, the new year hasn’t started for me yet, I still got a few hours to go but I’ll mine-as-well make this post since I’ll probably go to bed anyways- 😂
First, I’d like to say
WE GOT A NEW BANNER LET’S GOOOOO‼️‼️‼️‼️
HELL YEAH! -I mean it’s just the characters but- HELL YEAH‼️‼️‼️‼️
SECOND. I want to show you something AMAZING and that something I’d never expect??
321 FOLLOWERS????
YOU GUYS ARE INSANE THANK ALL OF YOU SO MUCH MY GOD‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
It really makes me think how all of you guys really like and appreciate my art, and the fact that so many people encourage me to keep doing it, it brings me to tears! 🥹
Every one of you are the best thing in my life!! The first time I got Tumblr I started in:
March 30?? That’s insane- 💀
And the fact that I’ve improved SO MUCH is just INCREDIBLE!
You wanna see the FIRST drawings of Peppino??
YEAH THAT’S ME I DID THIS-
And you’re telling me that this was in what- THE START OF MARCH?? (Or February I don’t remember-) But this is just the PINNACLE of how much I’ve changed in terms in art style and experience.
I bring this up because I think Tumblr is the REASON why I improved so much! I experimented with brushes (digitally) and I found my brushes!! I learned how to EXAGGERATE AND ACTUALLY DRAW CARTOONY LIKE I’VE WANTED TO FOR SO LONG!!
(And NEVER took an art class. That’s fucking what- 💀 I need to take one I actually need to at this point-)
Also also also- I’ve learned a lot of things! Anatomy, exaggerative expression, stretchy cartooniness, ALL OF THESE ARE JUST- I can’t believe I’ve learned all this because one day I decided: “Maybe I should ACTUALLY get a social media for my art? 🤔” AND I DID IT AND CHANGED MY LIFE‼️‼️‼️
YOU GUYS CHANGED MY LIFE!-
My followers!- My mutuals/friends- I NEED TO SAY HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE ALL MY MUTUALS, ALL OF YOU 💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕
Everything about Tumblr has changed me in SUCH a positive way in not only terms of art but with how many people (TALENTED PEOPLE) I’ve made FRIENDS with AND ACTUALLY got to know!!!
I already said it but you guys are absolutely AMAZING and I just CAN’T FATHAM how much this year has just been a BLAST.
My mutuals:
@noodletime @moon9931 @marclef @margarita-the-pizzeria-worker @lucia-the-mii @lovestryke @lord-yiikes @ijusthavefun @linhfoxmoive @kate-bot @nomlioart @boogiestronic80s @zedortoo @jarroyave4637 @atlaslovesedm @alaskacoolkid1 @remaking-machine @average-amount-of-chaos @cherryxsapphic @dingle-dee @eyeballdrawer @tailsdollsnewlife @radaverse @gongustheawsome01 @fluffygiraffe @qwertykeyboard045 @w00den-h3ad @the-little-knight @oddpizza @misdreavusplush
(OKAY- I may have added some people on here that I think ARE REALLY COOL, I may not talk to you much but I’ve seen you guys like my art and I think ya’ll deserve to be on here 🫶💖✨)
AND IF I MISSED ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME I’M SO SORRY BUT JUST KNOW I LOVE ALL OF YOU THE SAME (Platonically) I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR AND HAVE A GOOD ONE 🎉🎉🎉
GOOD NIGHT TO ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE YOU GUYS MEAN THE WOLRD TO ME AND HAVE A GREAT NIGHT 💖💖💖💖
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