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sauriansolutions · 9 months

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Me: my kink blog needs more kink content... I'm going to write burpcanons for my favorite characters!

Also me: oops I accidentally just wrote an entire character analysis essay about Jade ;;

Yeah uhh... idk why I'm like this? I'll try again another time... but if anyone wants to read my way too intense whoopsie attempt, imma throw it here~!

my main jade headcanon is that jade's excessive politeness is just a mask to hide his more twisted core (see what i did?)

But i can also imagine a jade who genuinely values social etiquette. Maybe it's an anxious/ASD insistency on "rules"--he learns an effective rule, (ie, burping in public is *always* rude), and unless he has legitimate cause to update (say, he learns burping is considered a compliment in the Scalding Sands), he'll continue to follow this rule rigidly forever.

This would generally work well for jade. But it might make him seem unapproachable in a different way (*too* polite! Suspicious! Is he a robot? What's his deal?)

The other problem is, such a system could easily lead to jade holding himself to an unrealistic standard. If he ever did slip up, (letting out a loud burp in public by accident,) i could see this leading to excessive embarrassment and self-recrimination.

I can imagine a child version of jade coming to the realization that his predatory nature scares others away, realizing that he needs to find *some* way of appearing more approachable, if he ever wants to "fit in" and make any friends besides floyd and azul. Even among the trio members, i think jade is legitimately the scariest--he's as smart as azul, as strong as floyd, and he also lacks their innate social skills (potentially toeing the ASD/psychopath line).

A really cute, kinda sad idea: what if little jade asked his grandma tried to teach him "proper etiquette?" And she does... but, because she's from a totally different generation of merfolk, it's rather antiquated?

Jade's parents and teachers make things worse by encouraging this... because, c'mon, a ten year old politely bowing and saying things like, "my goodness, please excuse me!"... is actually really adorable.

This leads to jade developing a persona that's very respectable and charming.

Yet he'd still come off pretty eccentric, and he'd have an especially hard time relating to other kids his age. While mer kids would just find his behavior and speech patterns stuffy and outdated, on land he'd definitely come off as the most "foreign" of the octotrio, as the high-class manners he learned are specific to an older generation, *of the northern coral sea.*

Unfortunately, i think azul would also strongly encourage jade's overly-polite personality change... but this is because azul sees how uncanny and frankly terrifying *this* jade would be as a business associate.

This isn't to say i think azul would intentionally sabotage his friend! Rather, i think azul a.) Respects jade to the extent i doubt he'd believe himself capable of manipulating him, and b.) Wants to be like that himself--outwardly perfectly polite and respectable, secretly capable of being as cold and ruthless as necessary.

I think this whole, "being envious of a character trait the other believes is a serious flaw" component of jade and azul's relationship has tons of angst/introspection potential, whether used as a kink thing or not.

Kink example: jade accidentally burps during some meeting or social event. He excessively over-apologizes, and smoothly directs the conversation on. Everyone, especially azul, comes away with a higher opinion of jade--"oh jade is so courteous~ wow, even when he makes a (totally reasonable) mistake, he goes so far out of his way to apologize, what a gentleman~~"

What they don't see, is jade secretly reprimanding and hating himself. Endlessly agonizing, recommitting to a standard of absolute, inhuman perfection that is 1000% fear and shame driven. Believing that anything less will make others hate him, (even more than they probably already do!)

Meanwhile azul is like, "i wish i could commit to *that* level of self-destruction! I'll just have to try harder~"

One last thing re: jade/azul's messed-up dynamics, then I'll move onto jade/floyd. I think, tragically, that jade and azul secretly idealize each other--hyperfixating on their strengths and successes, and minimizing/completely overlooking their flaws and failures. But, because they're snarky bitches to each other to hide their vulnerabilities, they both believe the other holds them in disdain and contempt, when in fact, the opposite is true.

And because they're both intelligent, driven, hardworking, and self-sacrificing, jade and azul have not only accidentally grown to become each other's perfect enablers--they've tricked themselves into believing that they like this arrangement.

Floyd time!

Regardless of whether they had to eat their siblings to survive or not, i hc that jade always took on the role of the "parentified" twin. Now, floyd is a prodigy in many ways: strong, stubborn, and dangerously creative... but i think he's only able to be this way because jade was there to be the anchor twin. Unlike floyd, jade can be relied upon to be unflinchingly stoic. Jade's always (needed to be) the one who can make the hard decisions. To do what needs to be done, without crying or complaining. And, no matter the toll on his body or soul, move on to the next thing, seemingly unaffected.

The Leech twins are, especially in life-or-death situations, actually highly complimentary and really effective together, in these roles. That said, the twins' dynamic, especially in "normal" situations like making friends and going to school--could easily veer into toxic codependency.

And since jade is the anchor, i think floyd was probably really, really upset when jade first started developing his polite personality.

Initially, jade's attempts at becoming this "new" jade probably led to a lot of pushback from floyd. And I'm talking fighting, pleading, complaining, full-on tantrums, tearful threats of abandonment, and basically anything and everything floyd could think of (and he is Dangerously Creative), to get jade to go back to behaving like he did before.

But a combination of jade's stoicism, stubbornness, and refusal to back down from his decision in any way eventually led to floyd more or less accepting that jade is going to do what jade is going to do.

There was also comfort in the realization that, no matter the outward facade, jade was still jade

#absolutely failed attempt at uhh what i intended #know what i don't even want to dignify this with real tags #no for real why am i like this #“ahh yes let us explore this character's kink potential”#but first let's completely psychoanalyze him #JC tries to do a writing exercise

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wejustvibing · 10 months

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Someone asked a very innocuous question in the tag, what has Lewis done for people (you know who's fans) to hate him so.. that got me thinking yk Lewis has quite literally never done anything to warrant the hatred he gets from certain people. If there's Silverstone then there's Monza too. Lewis was the who got robbed publicly, he stood there and congratulated him on his win anyway, Lewiswas the one getting called all types of racist and homophobic slurs by a certain someone's father in-law, he was the one getting accusations of doing drugs, he's the one who's been dignified through all the failures in the recent years..

It's actually insidious how racism works because will Lewis be hated for literally no reason if he was white?

well he won't be. every single thing he gets hated on for would be glorified if he was white. every single trait, character attribute, quality and so called attitude lewis possesses that he gets bashed for is everything they crave for in their white guys. never saying lewis is perfect but he would never have to be to get hyped up to the sky if he was white. his every single past mistake would not be held against him while granting him simple grace or celebrating his achivements. they'd never attach adjectives like "objectively" and "statistically" while calling him the greatest, and every slightly positive opinion about him won't start with "uh i'm not a hamilton fan but..."

it's easy to chalk up all the horrendous opinions and actual hate campaigns to racism but it is this sport's reality. "i can dislike a driver without being racist" no, you can't. because the amount of scrutiny lewis gets is not a simple dislike or objective criticism, it's rooted in racism, prejudice and hate for his audacity to thrive in places he doesn't belong. it's them refusing to avail him a simple chance to be a human and mess up. it's more often than not just pure vendetta, someone counting down to the next gotcha, racists waiting for his next stumble so they could go "i told you, see this is why i hate the guy."

and this is not just about lewis either. look at the way they treat yuki. the hype dr3 is getting for doing i don't even know what vs how cold everyone is around yuki for what he has done against 3 different teammates in a single year. the casual stereotypes people use to joke about his team radios that nobody even blinks an eye anymore. so yes, this is inherently a racist sport and community that does not care about their feelings if they are not white. it will actively pray for their downfall, highlight their flaws, and ignore their achievements without any justification other than the color of their skin. and in lewis' case, hate his team and supporters simply by association.

anyway, we have to stop asking this question at some point because there's no other real answer there. for every single negative thing lewis has done that they want to use as a justification, there's an equal or even worse thing done by his white counterparts they've excused for.

tl;dr you know why.

#anonymous

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ask-the-clergy-bc · 2 years

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Papas with an so who age regresses (like when they’re stressed they’re kinda child like?)

I hope this is what you are looking for! :)

And to avoid confusion this is NOT to be confused with the 18+ Subject of DD/LG or any kink content related to it!! THIS IS NOT FOR ANY SORT OF NSFW SO DO NOT INTERACT WITH OR TREAT IT AS SUCH!!! I DO NOT WRITE FOR THOSE KINKS NOR DO I WANT THIS TAGGED OR FOR IT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH IT!!

This is for the very real coping mechanism utilized by therapists and individuals. :) Also looking into it I wasn't sure if you meant full regression or just very casual, so I did more casual stress relief.

Also a very minor content warning in the tags because this is a coping mechanism for many and can be related to trauma.

Papas with an S/O who Age Regresses

Papa Nihil: Honestly has no idea what the hell that means or what it is used for in therapy, but he tries his best! And it makes you happy so who cares? Papa is very good about using a baby tone or child like tone when talking to you if that's what you prefer. After all, he had three kids so that's not hard for him to do! Nihil doesn't typically assume any sort of care taker role for you. But he does get you whatever you want! You are quite literally a kid in a candy and toy store on days you need it! He just hates seeing you stressed in any capacity.

Papa I: Out of them all, Papa is the most familiar with Age Regression. So he recognizes immediately how it helps you and makes you happy. He has sat you down before to express that no, he is not put off by your coping mechanism. Instead, you both have a good long talk about what you need from HIM during times of regression. Papa doesn't skip a bit when you start speaking in a childish tone or ask for help for 'grown up' tasks. He's very gentle and patient, and happy to give you words of praise when you get things done! Very good with head kisses and giving you treats to make you smile.

Papa II: Usually when you regress he leaves you to it, knowing you are decompressing and managing your stress. He's never sure how to exactly engage with you, but Papa is not one to push you away during. He's never been good with childish things or situations. But it makes you happy so he's content to let you be happy. His main concern is that you feel safe and loved when you do regress. On one occasion you were a bit self conscious of your regression because you were scared what others would think or that Papa found it weird... but instead he handed you a toy you put back the last time you went shopping. "Don't like fools shame you for what brings you peace."

Papa III: Papa is a refined and dignified gentleman... but that sure as Hell doesn't mean he wants to grow up either!! He is happy to see you do the same, and even happier when he knows it helps you. Papa makes sure you have the space to regress and feel safe in doing so. There has been more than one times he has taken one of your stuffies to make it talk, dance, and sing for you. He's also happy to tuck you in for naps and sing to you. His main concern is only that you always feel comfortable when you regress. But he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy doing simple childhood activities with you. He didn't exactly have the most stress free youth so it brings him comfort too.

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: For a long time he thought you were just very young at heart and sometimes loved to express it. He thought it was adorable! The closer you got the more you eventually opened up about what you were doing and how this state of mind helps you manage stress. Copia did his research immediately so he could help! While he doesn't offer a care taker role, he certainly likes to help! There was one time he surprised you with a coloring book when you were having a particularly rough week. His logic? "When I was a boy I loved crayons... I thought you would enjoy them too! eheh!"

#the band ghost #ghost bc #ghost headcanons #age regression #ghost fluff #reader insert #coping mechanism #papa emeritus i #papa emeritus ii #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia #papa nihil

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jheselbraum · 7 months

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They lierally weren't in a relationship. It's implied by the ganon awakening memory and her own diary and other dislogue she never actually proposed by chickened out. Why would she gasp seeing Link staring at Zelda if he was actually engaged to mipha? Media literacy dead

I just want to say congratulations to the Gravity Falls fandom. After nearly twelve years on tumblr and a truly staggering amount of blocked fans and admittedly incendiary posts on my part not a single one of you verifiably went on anon to get around a block and into my ask box. Not even that time I opened up about my personal family issues and got attacked for it by dozens of people. Everyone who got blocked stayed blocked. In fact, no one from any of the circles I post in has ever done this, hence why I'm even dignifying this ask from a pathetic individual who ships like they're an adult Harry Potter fan with a response: to commemorate the occasion.

In this time of mass exodus due to racism and transphobia from staff as well as our user data being sold to an ai model which will immediately die the moment it tries to train itself with it, it's wonderful to know that there are still parts of the true tumblr experience that I too can take part in, and that despite tumblr's waning growth and popularity, despite my own waning time on this site, when I do eventually log off for the final time I'll be able to rest easy, knowing that I truly was a part of this community... And knowing that the part of the community I primarily interacted with during the bulk of my time here, despite a brief period filled with completely untagged old man incest porn in the main character tags, never pulled this shit, and never got to the point where every third post in a given ship tag was a complaint, about random bullshit that doesn't matter and isn't actually something anyone was mad at in the first place.

Truly it would cheapen the experience, to complain about a bunch of unrelated topics, characters, and ships you don't like, in the tags of a ship that you do actually like, to the point where someone going into that tag looking for shipping content of the ship they like has to deal with a bunch of annoying crap that isn't shipping content and is rude to other people for no fucking reason.

The humble vagueblog has existed as a vital part of your fandom's existence since the beginning, dear Gravity Falls fandom, and you have used and honed the practice well. Your tags have not been infested with pages of unrelated crap from a new set of people very week who think the rest of us enjoy them spamtagging their complaints, and our tags have not been infected with people who don't like what's being posted in that tag posting in the tag anyways about how much they dislike the content of the tag they're posting in. All the porn is now tagged properly and no one is freaking out about people who don't ship their ship, not even when that ship consists of two characters who are at the same developmental stage for their respective species, and are not related to each other. As the fandom of a children's show from 2010s era tumblr you have truly exceeded all expectations. Gaze upon this ask, on this shadow of a shark beneath our little rowboat and know that I thank you, and that if and when I do eventually leave this site I will leave satisfied. Know that if there ever comes a time where I begin posting zelink content full time, I will be in hell trying to block annoying assholes all over again, because every third post in the zelink tag is made by someone like this who clearly has nothing better to do with their time than complain about a naked fish lady who is dead and does not interfere with the ships they actually like because she's not real and you don't have to include her in your fic or engage with the people who like her if you don't want to.

Because obviously the zelink ship tag is the only place one can complain about a fictional teenage dolphin with boobs being in a relationship with a fictional teenage human, and obviously a fictional dolphin with boobs is the biggest problem this fandom has so someone has to say something, it'd be rude not to tag this Voltron fandom level bullshit as zelink.

#zelink

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hasdrubal-gisco · 6 months

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eurovision '24 semifinal 1 early review

content and spoiler warning for croatia, cyprus, ireland, lithuania, poland, serbia, ukraine, australia, azerbaijan, finland, iceland, luxembourg, moldova, portugal, slovenia, germany, sweden, united kingdom

croatia - it's not easy going first but this is a bad way to do it regardless. already the woke agenda has us singing about anxiety attacks. if you are prone to anxiety get off the stage and let real warriors conquer the hearts of evropa. "my presence fades to black" yeah i wish it would. qorban/10

cyprus - many have said this before but i think cypriots should launch missiles at ankara just to see what would happen. singer is very serbian looking with the ironed long hair, very 2008 romcom looking music video (complimentary), forgettable song, thus has got to be someone's niece. mid/10

ireland - thank you god for making our enemies this embarrassing. i just know she had a self harm tumblr blog in 2013. very sincerely sending this to eurovision is comparable in national humiliation to the treaties of trianon and versailles. 30 year old antisemitic pagan themlet/10

lithuania - this is nothing. lithuania/10

poland - kinda of a normal pop song, i can see myself hearing this on the radio while stuck at a red light. good to see a weird looking woman. jeszcze polska nie zginęła/10

serbia - #JUSTICE FOR BRESKVICA. zorja or zejna or breskvica would have mopped the floor with her. this will lose and it will deserve it, hopefully all the PZE jury members including sajsi will be executed in a public square. bad/10

ukraine - hate to say it but the loathsome ruthenians have once again sent a good contestant. if my last name was Shemaieva i would simply not use Heil as an artistic name. i can hardly believe i'm saying this but i think it would be better without the fat girl rapping. critical support for ruthenian autonomous oblast/10

australia - my opinion is colored by the fact that i was viewing the music video, which is a consistent two and a half minute face closeup of the white guy cumming. the song itself is not bad, but i could do without the white guy cumming, actually. australia gets a pass this year/10

azerbaijan - you can always count on the iranic people to sneak in subtle references to sun-worship. oldest trick in the book. considering this was the last song picked, this was maybe not worth the wait. don't want to doxx anyone but one of the backup dancers looks like a beloved tumblr user. eeh/10

finland - random xD WAFFLES. the "what does the fox say" candidate of the year, and of course its from the turbo-autistic finns. total opposite of tact and taste. the west has fallen to its far-easternmost asiatic enemy (the mongols (finns)). beyond repair/10

iceland - based for sending an older woman. this is pretty good, nothing much to add. will maybe listen to the icelandic version. top quartile/10

luxembourg - israeli broad with skinny arms singing in french ? *wiping the sweat from my brow*. finally something worthwhile out of europe's last grand duchy. am yisroel chai/10

moldova - pleasant surprise out of the illegitimate romanian province of moldova. dignified in an atmosphere where others have been deliberately embarrassing. not impaling anyone's heart/10

portugal - this is nothing. portugal would benefit from being brazil's european vassal state. meu curaçao :(/10

slovenia - the best of the three of this exact performer that we've seen, not that that's very high praise. eeh/10

germany - pleasant surprise in an otherwise very mid year. not the worst guderian i know. germany/10

sweden - i can feel the martin x marcus x reader spam in the tags already. usually they at least send something that's listenable under normal circumstances but not eurovision-material,but not even that this time around. as always, marg bar sweden/10

united kingdom - (watching the official music video) lol that's probably 4k/mo in london. nobody cares about the failstate of the united cringedom, they should have been excised from the contest when they left the eu. nice trainspotting references in the clip tho. bleh/10

final conclusion - overall very disappointing year, luxembourg stands in a separate category, even without the ethnonarcissism. germany, moldova, iceland, ukraine are okay but nothing to be thrilled about. the plague of appealing to jury votes at the cost of anything interesting is crushing this competition. seeing what got passed up in serbia instead of teya dora makes one wonder what the situation is like in other countries. help me, zejna. zejna, help me. i hope semi 2 will be better but there's not many heavy hitters

#esc24

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cloneshipping7567 · 1 year

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Romantic Confessions Part 11

Part 11/30

11. "Don't make me say it. I can't say the words."

Pairing: Cody x Wolffe

Rating/WC: T/2614

Warnings: none

I struggled with this one nil ;-; I hope you like it!

~~~

They’re drunk; way more drunk than they should be. It’s giving Wolffe hives, seeing how reckless his men are behaving. Just imagining the look on General Koon’s face is enough to make Wolffe growl at the poor shiny who was ordering drinks while standing next to Wolffe’s seat at the bar.

As the shiny is scurrying away,a hand claps on his shoulder harshly, and Wolffe turns to snarl at the intruder before he realizes who’s touching him. “Relax, vod. You’re on leave, they can have fun. You can have fun.”

“Says you,” Wolffe grumbles, but he turns on his stool to face Cody. “I don’t think you’ve ever relaxed a day in your life.”

Cody glares at the person in the stool next to Wolffe until they get the hint and run off, before taking the now vacant seat and turning his frown to Wolffe. “I had plenty of fun as a cadet.”

“You’re just lucky you picked your name before we could give you a nickname,” Wolffe says, wishing he had been as lucky. “Or we would have named you Uptight.”

Cody scoffs. “I did like to have fun, I just liked to have fun in ways where I wouldn’t get caught or were allowed by the rules.” He suddenly grins, all teeth, and Wolffe narrows his eyes. “I liked beating the shit out of you on the mats. That was plenty fun.”

Wolffe snarls, taking a swig from his drink. “You weren’t that much better than me.”

Cody’s grin widens, and Wolffe is temporarily distracted by how handsome Cody is when he’s genuinely happy. “The only times you ever won were when you bit me, and those times don’t even count because you got disqualified for cheating.”

Wolffe grins back, showing off the teeth that earned him his name. “All is fair in love and war,” he snarks.

Cody rolls his eyes. “We weren’t at war yet, asshole.”

Wolffe forces a laugh, taking another drink and raising his finger for another. “What do you want to drink?” Wolffe narrows his eyes. “Wait, can you drink? You aren’t on leave, are you?”

“Nope,” Cody says, shifting on his stool. “General Kenobi had to meet with the council, and while Coruscant is a little bit out of our way to our next station, it’s not bad enough to go straight there and meet up with him after. So the 212th is refueling and getting more supplies and such while they have their meeting.”

Wolffe takes his new drink, and wraps his hands around it. “What are you doing here, then?” he asks, gesturing to the bar in general.

Cody grins again, kicking Wolffe lightly on the shin. “I can’t just want to visit my favorite commander named after an animal?”

“I’m telling Fox you said that,” Wolffe says, smiling when Cody curses softly. He takes another sip, before putting the glass down.

“I just wanted to see you,” Cody clarifies, his smile still in place. “And I have several hours to kill until I’m expected back on the ship.”

“How did you know I would be here?” Wolffe asks, even though he already knows the answer. It’s 79’s; where else would clones be on leave on Coruscant?

Cody doesn’t dignify the question with a response. “Do you wanna get out of here?” Cody asks, eyes taking on that specific glint that always used to end with Wolffe in trouble, one way or the other.

Cody may have found ways to not get caught, but Wolffe was always the one who straggled behind and had to take the heat. Cody would always apologize after, but he never stopped inviting Wolffe to tag along- and therefore take the fall when the Kaminoans caught on.

“And go where?” Wolffe asks, finishing off his drink and pushing it up the bar, closer to the bartender.

Cody only smirks and stands up, winking once at Wolffe and making his way to the exits.

Wolffe watches him go for a minute, internally debating. There is a very real chance he could get arrested tonight if he goes with Cody.

Fuck it, the commander of the guard is his batchmate. He’ll risk it.

He tries to catch up to Cody, and glares at anyone who hinders his progress. The best part of his massive scar is how easily his bitch face gets people scrambling now. He follows Cody out of the club, just in time to see him hailing a cab.

“Come on,” Cody says, opening the door and encouraging Wolffe to go in first. Wolffe narrows his eyes at Cody, but the other clone simply smirks and gestures to the open door with his head.

Wolffe sighs and climbs in, resigning himself to his fate. “I’m regretting implying you were a buzz kill.”

Cody laughs, a genuine one, and it makes Wolffe’s lips involuntarily spread into a smile. “Oh, just wait until you actually see what we’re doing. You haven't had anything to regret yet.”

Wolffe swallows thickly, and Cody laughs and gives the cab driver an address. “Where are we going?” he asks.

“You’ll see,” Cody says, a cocky smirk replacing the genuine smile. “You’ll love it.”

Wolffe isn’t sure about that, but he chooses not to comment on it. Instead, he makes small talk for the duration of the trip. They talk about what they’ve been up to, how their battalions are doing, how their generals are doing. General Kenobi is still as crazy as ever, and Cody is going to shove his lightsaber up his ass if he loses it again.

They finally make it to their destination, and Wolffe is surprised to find a hotel. “What are we doing here?” Wolffe asks, turning to give Cody an inquisitive look.

“I got a hotel room,” Cody says, leading the way inside and towards the elevator. “Something about how Kenobi is ordering me to take a real break, and I’ll find something to do if I stay on the ship; blah blah blah.”

Wolffe hums softly, still feeling like none of his questions have answers. “Okay…so why are we here?”

Cody rolls his eyes, pushing the button to take them to the correct floor. “To hang out, obviously.”

Wolffe purses his lips. “I’m failing to see how I’ll regret this. Or why I’ll love it.”

Cody doesn’t answer, simply walks out of the elevator the second the doors open, and walks to the correct room. He unlocks the door and pushes his way in, holding the door open for Wolffe. “You never trust me.”

“On the contrary,” Wolffe says, taking in the inside of the hotel after walking past Cody. “Trusting you blindly is what got me into trouble as a cadet. If anything, I trust you too much.”

Cody hums and walks further into the hotel. He turns on his heel and grins at Wolffe, and it’s toothy and a little silly looking and it makes Wolffe’s stomach warm and flutter. “Well? What do you think?”

Wolffe cocks his head to the side in slight confusion, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s a hotel room.”

Cody sighs dramatically, his smile faltering. “It’s private. When’s the last time you had any true privacy? When no one even knew where you were, if they really wanted to bother you? Kenobi is the only person besides us who knows where this place is, let alone that I even have a hotel room, and he’s got his own duties.”

Wolffe thinks about it, and then smiles. It has been a long time since he had some privacy, when no one needed anything from him and there was zero possibility someone would interrupt him. “I guess that is pretty nice.”

Cody shifts his weight, and the movement is so strange coming from Cody. Cody is always so sure of himself; it’s weird seeing him feel displaced. “Are you hungry?” Cody asks.

Wolffe blinks, uncrossing his arms and scratching the back of his head. “I could eat.”

Cody smiles again, and stands up a bit straighter. “Good, because I got food. Go sit at the table, I’ll get it ready.”

Wolffe laughs, shaking his head fondly but taking a seat at the dining room table. It’s a nice table, and the view is gorgeous; there’s a giant window where the table is pressed up against, and the setting sun is beautiful to look at. “You sure know how to treat a guy,” Wolffe teases Cody, and expects some jab in response but is met with only silence.

Wolffe tears his eyes away from the view, forcing himself to look over at Cody. The other clone is bustling around the kitchen, and the sounds of metal hitting metal and glasses clinking fills the silence. Cody seems to be out of his element here, cheeks a bit flushed and his movements jerky and flustered.

Wolffe wants to offer to help, to do something to make Cody relax, but Cody is done before Wolffe figures out how to ask without embarrassing Cody.

Cody brings over two plates, filled with some sort of noodle dish, and places one in front of Wolffe and one in front of his own empty seat. He returns to the kitchen for just a moment before he comes back in with two glasses and a bottle of very nice looking wine.

“Where did you get that?” Wolffe asks, allowing Cody to pour them both a glass before placing it in the middle of the table.

“It was a gift,” Cody says, cheeks still a bit flushed as he takes his seat. “Got it a while back, actually. I was saving it.”

“What’s the occasion?” Wolffe asks, because he doesn’t know what else to say to that. It’s just dinner; dinner with Wolffe, of all people. He hardly feels like all this trouble and a gift of expensive looking wine is worth Wolffe being on leave.

Cody’s eyes snap to Wolffe’s, and the slight panic there sets Wolffe on edge. “I…” he clears his throat, and Wolffe has literally never seen him this unsettled and nervous before. Not even when they graduated and became official commanders. “I just wanted to share it with you.”

Wolffe shrugs, attempting to let Cody off whatever hook he’s managed to worm himself onto. “Thank you,” he says, taking a sip. It’s good; much better than anything Wolffe has ever had before.

Cody gives Wolffe a small smile, and then takes a sip of his own. “Mm. I’m glad I saved it, it tastes better than I thought it would.”

Wolffe hums in agreement, putting the glass down and taking a bite of the food Cody made for them. He grans at the taste; not only is it real food and not rations, it’s fucking delicious food. “Mm, Cody, this is great! Where did you get it from? I’ll have to take the boys there next time we have leave.”

“I-I made it, actually.” Cody clears his throat and takes another sip of his wine.

Wolffe raises a brow. “I didn’t know you cooked.”

“I don’t,” Cody says, and then looks down to his dish. “Normally. I learned how, so I could make this.”

Wolffe puts his fork down, studying Cody, who shoves a giant bite of food into his mouth and stares pointedly out at the sunset. “Cody…what’s going on? What is all of this?”

Cody chews slowly, and swallows loudly. He buys himself even more time by taking a sip from his wine, licking his lips and carefully setting it down. He finally makes eye contact with Wolffe, opening and closing his mouth as he decides what to say.

Wolffe cocks his head to the side, crossing his arms over his chest. “Is something wrong?”

Cody makes a frustrated noise, looking down at his own plate. “No, why would something be wrong? I was-I was trying to do something for you.”

Wolffe sighs. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, Codes. This is really great. It just seems…like it’s not something you would normally do.”

Cody grabs his wine and takes a long sip, cheeks flushed just a bit. He puts it down and sighs, putting his hands in his lap. “I’m sorry, this was a stupid idea.”

Wolffe sighs again, relaxing his arms. “It’s not stupid, it’s just-I was just wondering why you’re doing it for me. This is all really nice, Codes.”

Cody looks at Wolffe, and he looks much more like himself again. He’s giving Wolffe the ‘you can not be this stupid right now’ look he usually reserves for shinies or Fox. “I don’t want you to humor me. You can just leave, if you want.”

Wolffe bristles at the sudden coldness, folding his hands into fists and resting them on the table. “I wouldn’t even know what I was humoring, Cody. I’m not trying to be an asshole here, I’m just confused.”

Cody works his jaw, looking back to his plate. “I just wanted to impress you, make you happy.”

“Why?” Wolffe asks, growing impatient. “It’s just me, I’m nothing special.”

Cody sighs in annoyance, looking up at Wolffe with the furrow between his brows he only gets when he’s really angry. “Don’t make me say it. I can’t say the words.”

Wolffe scoffs, feeling just as upset as Cody now. “Spell it out for me Cody, since you’re so much smarter than me.”

Cody sighs and rolls his eyes, and then he stands up. “You’re not-” he cuts himself off with another huff and stands over Wolffe.

Wolffe glares up at him, narrowing his eyes in annoyance. “If you would just use your big boy words instead of-” Wolffe cuts off abruptly, eyes going wide.

Cody runs his fingers along Wolffe’s jaw, moving down to hook under his chin and gently lift so he’s looking up at the other clone. “Wolffe,” Cody says softly, using his other hand to run through Wolffe’s hair.

Wolffe’s eyes flutter as he tries to understand what’s happening. Everything suddenly makes a lot more sense–if Cody is about to do what he thinks Cody is about to do.

He does.

Cody leans down and connects their lips in a chaste kiss, not pushing for anything, just saying without words what he’s been skirting around all night.

Cody was right to give him the ‘you idiot’ look, earlier; in hindsight, it’s very obvious what Cody was doing.

Wolffe almost chases Cody’s lips when he pulls away, but instead bites his lower lip and look into Cody’s eyes. “Oh,” he whispers, reaching up to cup the back of Cody’s neck and denying him the ability to retreat any further. “Oh, I get it now.”

Cody snorts and rolls his eyes, and the smile is so fond and genuine and Wolffe never wants that smile to leave Cody’s face. “I wasn’t trying to be subtle.”

Wolffe hums in agreement. “You love me,” he says instead of arguing, like he normally would. He watches Cody’s eyes widen just a fraction, and smiles back at him. “I love you too.”

Cody’s expression melts into something warm and dopey, and his eyes light up with that same warmth he had earlier in the bar. “Finish your dinner, before it gets cold,” he says softly, almost playfully.

“If that’s what it takes for you to kiss me again,” Wolffe says, watching Cody take his own seat again.

Cody laughs, grabbing his glass and taking a sip, but this time he doesn’t hide behind it; this time, he keeps eye contact with Wolffe over the rim.

Wolffe has a feeling he’s in for quite the treat tonight; they do have the entire hotel room all to themselves all night long, after all.

#Cody x wolffe #Cody/wolffe #cloneshipping #my writing

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primoresplendens · 2 years

Text

Tagged by @marinecorvid ❤

Last Song: Something on my Eisbrecher playlist this morning 😔 I was driving to work and I usually have my spotify on

Last Show: Planet Earth on netflix ✌

Currently Watching: Nothing, actually. I can't even commit to my current single obsession right now, can't afford to start a new one. I just watch my documentaries every now and then

Currently Reading: Shelved my snub towards ranobe's to start Eighty-Six, and I recommend it even to those who don't read ranobe (like me). Lovely characters, gives twists to what's essentially a zombie war apocalypse with topics of death, fantasy racism, child soldiers, etc. I'm not sold on the main couple yet, but it's more than that. I actually like the particular way I do not agree with everything the author seems to suggest for this work, as it opens rooms for discussions pertaining to both in-universe and real world. Ready for talks o.<☆

Current Obsession: Lord of Heroes, very particularly f!Lord 😌 The story is about, well, heroes, certainly larger-than-life people but very much trying to make the most of their lives as heroes of their own story, not just the main character's. It's a story about human dignity("human" in a broad sense) in the face of hardships and of evil, very much against cynicism and nihilism if those aren't your cup of tea. Features strong and dignified women characters including the female version of the MC, also has a slew of highly lovable male and gnc characters, and everybody's favorite enby man to really drive it in. I'm pretty much asking myself what would Lord do in situation whenever I want to be a good person xD Lord is just a perfect example of a character who must struggle to be good, a display of what daring to be good can entail - namely, it comes with a constant need for decision-making, responsibility-taking, and facing your own shortcomings. But Lord will persevere. I have faith in her

Unrelated Obsession: So you know I'm a multiverse-multishipper, I very much ship both Rangerschoolshipping and Vatonageshipping in their own "timelines". Although I think of Kellyn and Kate as completely interchangeable protagonists, I do slightly differ in their characterizations, so my ship of them with Keith each come with a different flavor. Granted, I'm the Kellyn person, so I'm more ""obsessed"" with Rangerschoolshipping... But Vatonageshipping enjoys a healthier relationship with better outlook of working out, not the least because I enjoy torturing my faves xD

Tag: @audre-falrose @universallynightstar @roseheart-exe @littledragonkana @humanblt @tokimaeki

#pokemon ramger #lord of heroes

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misslilli · 3 years

Text

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. PG-13. | tagging @today-in-fic | read on AO3

Chapter 45 - The First Date

[ DS ]

Wednesday finally arrives and I’m so giddy with nerves that I’ve spent a good part of the school day misplacing keys, remotes, books and pieces of paper around the classroom. The kids have had a field day watching me frantically trying to find them again, thrown into a fit of giggles when I'm looking for my reading glasses to read them a book for a good five minutes until they have mercy and point out they've been on my nose the whole time.

It only gets worse when the girls and I get home after school and the time for Mulder to pick me up inches closer and closer.

“D, will you stop pacing please! You’re giving me anxiety!” Sarah looks up from the kitchen table where she sits laminating flash cards.

“That’s a really poor choice of words, S. But she’s right, you need to stop obsessing, D!” Alex joins in on the conversation while Sarah has the decency to look sorry.

I’ve been pacing the living room like a caged tiger for a while now, freaking myself out thinking about the date later today. I’m so terribly nervous, I’m about to go out of my mind. I turn and take another pass across the floor, voicing my thoughts out loud.

“Guys I’ve been looking forward to tonight for such a long time and now that it’s finally here, I’m right back where I’ve been before, freaking myself out with the What ifs?.”

“D, you know that you’re not back where you’ve been before - it’s okay to be nervous, the lead-up to this was massive and it took you guys a freaking long time to get here. But you said it’s going really well, so what gives?”

“I don’t know, feels like the stakes are really high and you know I’m not good at dating. What if I’m really boring? What if he is? What if we can’t actually carry on a real conversation? What if he realizes that I’m not actually all that special? What if he ends up only wanting me for… you know, carnal pleasures?”

“Okay that’s it!” Holly throws her pen down onto the couch table with such force, it bounces over her graded homework before rolling off the table. I jump a little at her frustrated exclamation.

“If you don’t pull your head out of your ass soon, I’m having you committed. Do you even hear yourself? What if he’s just in it for the sex? I don’t even want to dignify this bullshit with a response but you seem to need it: If he just wanted sex, don’t you think for a guy like him, there’s easier ways to get that than pining and waiting for you for months? Driving 2 and a half freaking hours just to see you for a while? The phone calls? And the ex-wife thing? Who does that with someone who they just want to have sex with?"

Alex puts her arms around me, hugging me tight. "Holly is right, D, although she could've worded it a little differently… Keep your head on straight, he's done nothing to earn your distrust, right? I'm not saying you should go into this blindly, but don't ruin a good thing just because of Steven!"

"Listen to the wise words of Miss Alex, D. Take it one step at a time. First step: Have you decided on what you're going to wear to knock his socks off? Come on, I'll help you decide, and then we'll have to do something about this." Sarah gestures to the frizzy messy bun on top of my head with a look of distain that makes me laugh, grateful once again to have wonderful friends like them to make me feel better and a little less anxious.

————

[ FM ]

I’ve changed outfits several times over the last few hours, should I wear a suit, no that’s too formal, a t-shirt is too casual and I wouldn’t be caught dead in a polo shirt.

Having been out of the dating game for quite some time, I have no real date clothes. Also, I have absolutely no idea what to do or say and I'm terrified I'm going to say the wrong things or crack a dumb joke because I'm so nervous that has her running for the hills. Sorry, Mr. Mulder, I don't have a rose for you tonight.

Glancing at the time and torn briefly between waiting a few more minutes so I don't appear too desperate, arriving early, I grab my keys and wallet and try to calm my nerves on the drive along the deserted beach road that leads to her house.

My hand is a bit too shaky for the cool demeanor I'm going for tonight as I ring the doorbell and I send a quick prayer to the God I don’t believe in that it’s not one of her friends who opens the door. I’m nervous enough as is, I don’t want to have to make awkward smalltalk with them.

We're still in that awkward dating limbo where you've established that you liked kissing but it's not yet established if you greet each other with one too, so you just stand there, holding your breath nervously until one gathers up enough courage to either move in or not. Even then, you might bump noses or cheeks or worst case chins or, and the most feared of all, the turned cheek for a pretentious European air-smack or two.

————

[ DS ]

Jesus Christ, this is awkward, if we were going to spend the whole date standing on my front step shuffling our feet like shy teenagers, I would've worn more comfortable shoes than four inch heels. It's also a perfectly good waste of the emerald silk dress Sarah's picked out for me or the white dress shirt I spy with my little eye underneath that coat that stretches across his chest just right. I've pretended not to stare quite a few times and oh I've pretended even more times I'm not itching to run my fingers over that chest.

"Just do it! Kiss him! What are you waiting for, man?" The sultry voice in my head belongs to the little devil that has just appeared on my shoulder, the one with the too short skirts and words that sound suspiciously like my friend Holly. Its counterpart on the other shoulder, so innocent in her white long dress, looks positively horrified at the suggestion.

"Nooo you can't just do that, we're a lady, after all!"

"Well maybe you are, I'm the fun one to listen to around here!"

At the appearance of these two characters, I'm almost certain that it has finally happened, this is it, I've finally gone insane.

I'm saved from further thoughts on how to decorate my private padded cell when he does finally decide we can't stand here forever and moves in for a quick kiss and I can hear the whoops from one shoulder and the shy giggle from the other one in my head.

"You look very beautiful tonight, Miss Scully!" Both of them swoon at the compliment and so do I, it's been so long since I've heard a man say it and actually mean it, if you don't count little Felix, he's not stingy with compliments. But it hits different from someone who gives you butterflies with the shy boyish smile on his handsome face.

The cheap seats on my shoulder are quiet during the car ride, thankfully, because my mind is too busy trying to figure out where we're headed.

“So, where is this mystery place you’re whisking me off to tonight?”

“Impatient, are we? It’s a surprise, like I’ve told you the other thousand times you’ve asked me over the past week!”

"Ooooh a man of mystery, how very exciting! We like that!"

The little angel crosses her legs primly with a wary expression on her face. "Let's just hope he doesn't take us to a deserted place to murder us for now, shall we?" I try to cover up my snort at her ludicrous idea with a cough, oh this is going to be fun, I just hope I don't slip up and actually answer out loud, that would be awkward.

Our destination turns out to be a small cottage at the end of a long driveway, situated right on the edge of a cliff and I realize with a gasp where we are. “I love this little Italian place, how did you know?”

“A magician never reveals his secrets, isn’t that what you told me?”

The location combined with my company for tonight couldn’t be more perfect. My eyes follow him on his way around the car to my side, taking in his tall, lean figure in his suit.

I’ve known this for a while, yet it still takes me by surprise to find that Mulder in a suit is my personal kryptonite, from the way it clings to every curve and dip as if sewn right onto him to the way the fabric stretches over his firm butt, begging to be touched. As he walks in front of me to the door, it takes every ounce of self-control I possess not to reach out and feel if the fabric is as soft under my fingers as it looks.

The skin on the back of my neck tinges as he takes off my coat to hand off to the waiting staff member and when I turn to look over my shoulder, I catch him checking out my ass in that dress. He thinks he’s being so subtle about it and once he realizes he’s been caught, the tips of his cheeks blush just the tiniest bit and I catch myself thinking it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

————

[ FM ]

I’m more than a bit embarrassed to having been caught staring but I just can’t help it, we’re taking things slow but I’m not made out of stone, that dress elicits a domino-effect of images and reactions in my mind even I can’t control. Shaking my head to clear away one particular image of unraveling it by the simple pull of a string in the back, I follow her and the waiter to our table, sliding into the chair across from her.

“Would you like to get started with some drinks?” The waiter puts the wine card in my hand and I run my eyes over the list but I don’t know heads from tails when it comes to selecting the right kind.

“Do you prefer red or white, sir?” I guess my confusion must show on my face and I glance across the table for help, handing over the menu with a sheepish smile.

“I clearly have no idea what I’m doing, I’ll be fine with whichever one you choose.”

Our hands brush when she takes it from me and I almost jump at the spark from a simple touch, wondering if I’m the only one who can feel it.

Her brow knits in concentration while reading over the selection and I find myself uncharacteristically focused on the way her tongue traces her cupid’s bow deep in thought. Heat trickles down my spine as I imagine those lips doing something entirely different and I try my very best to ignore the warmth that spreads through my body.

Take a deep breath, in and out and focus on something else - I’m suddenly very interested in reading the label on the bottle of olive oil on our table. Extra-virgin, very funny.

“We’ll have two glasses of the Chianti Classico please and a bottle of water, con gas.”

“Certo, signora, parli Italiano?” I look up to catch the small smile on Scully’s lips and the way she raises her shoulder just a little while replying something I can’t understand, I had no idea she spoke Italian.

“So, you like Italian and you speak the language, how come?” I lean closer, dying to know more details about her enigmatic personality.

“I don’t know why, but I’ve always loved everything Italian, the food, the wine, the melodic sound of the language. I guess I’ve picked up a few phrases along the way, but I’m not actually fluent or anything. Actually, those phrases get me into trouble regularly with the Italians, because they get very excited thinking I understand them and start talking to me in a fast flurry of words while I actually have no idea what any of it means.” She smoothes her fingers over the napkin in front of her a little shy at her admission and the small smile still plays around her lips. “Do you speak any languages?”

“Yes and no. I took Spanish in high-school but I can’t order a taco in Spain to save my life, I’d probably starve to death!” That one elicits a laugh from her and it’s one of those laughs that’s like a ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds on a rainy day.

————

[ DS ]

It’s probably for the best he doesn’t, that lisp will make any man seem like a little kid with a speech-impairment, even one as attractive and built decidedly un-boyish as he is. Our wine glasses arrive and I’m thankful for something to grab onto as we clink our glasses together with a chime that can only come from obscenely expensive glass.

The heavy Chianti deliciously warms my stomach, it’s a good one, and I think it’s not only the wine that raises the temperature, it’s also the way he licks it off his lips with a satisfied smile. I’m so focused on his face that I don’t notice the water glass that gets in the way of my elbow and topples over, spilling sparkling water across our table and onto his lap.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! Here, let me help you with that!”

Jesus, I'm such a clumsy idiot,

"Yeah, if you're this clutzy with your wine glass, guess he'll rethink letting you near any other valuable body parts!" Oh shut up, devil.

————

[ FM ]

Slightly panicked, I manage to shake my head at her offer to help me out with my situation. Absolutely not, you’re not coming anywhere near my pants with that napkin of yours!

“It’s alright, it's just water, it’ll dry in no time.” The icy water actually helps with clearing at least part of my brain, so I guess I should be thankful for her clumsiness.

The conversation flows easily over our steaming plates of pasta and I’m delighted to discover several other things about her, one of which is how she doesn’t share food when she threatens my wandering hand with her fork. With a careless remark, I've gotten myself right into a discussion about psychology and I want to kick myself, if she's not bored out of her mind yet, I've got some theories up my sleeve that'll make sure she's asleep in a couple of minutes, tops.

————

[ DS ]

This is going so well, it’s almost hard to believe that I was so worried about tonight being a total bust. I’m delighted to find out that aside from his attractive outside, there’s a sharp mind and a sense of humor that I find even harder to resist. He doesn’t shy away from challenging my ideas as we debate the validity of Freud’s theories on dream interpretation vs. the ones of his scholar, Jung.

"Just agree with everything he says, guys don't like a challenge, nice and agreeable is the way to go here!" The angel is on the edge of her seat, dating advice ready at her hands.

"Oh get out of here angel! Disagree with everything he says, you're not the little woman that needs him to form your opinions, show him who's boss!" Devil waves her fists in the air ready for a fight but I ignore both of them, choosing the middle way.

“I think Jung was right about dreams being the bridge between the unconscious and the conscious mind, not as a way of repressing desires or outcomes, but rather a tool to help the person come up with a solution to a problem they may face in their conscious state of mind.”

“I have to agree with Freud in that one, we can learn more about a person through their unconscious mind as opposed to their conscious - people often don’t act out their deepest desires because of considerations of reality and morality!” I raise my eyebrow at him, spearing the last piece of cannelloni with my fork.

“That’s what it always comes down to with Freud, isn’t it. Sex and repressed desire.”

"Ha! That's it! Talk about sex, this is good! Might give him ideas on how to end this date!"

"Oh no no no, we're not ready for that yet, stop giving out stupid ideas!" I have to agree with Angel on his one, immediately regretting the murky waters I have steered myself into with my stupid mouth.

————

[ FM ]

I’m not particularly fond of Freudian theories, because of this exact reason, but right now, I can’t help but agree with him. Until now, I didn’t realize I could find an intellectual connection to be just as stimulating as an actual physical one nor did I expect to ever be turned on by a conversation about the ancient theories of two psychologists. But alas, here I sit, awestruck by someone who is not scared to voice her opinions even if they don't coincide with my own.

“Freud was single-minded like that, I’ll give you that. Not everything is about sex, contrary to what advertising would like us to believe. Speaking of advertising, did you catch the Bud-ad with the puppy and the horse at the Super Bowl?” I really, really need to steer this conversation into a different direction before the topic and the way she bites her lip trying to come up with a response makes me forget all the words in the English language.

—————

[ DS ]

While I really enjoy sparring with him with our words, this particular topic of conversation makes me slightly uneasy and my mind is torn between wanting to uncover more of his way of thinking and changing the topic to a safer one. It’s as if he can read my thoughts and makes the decision for me.

Time just flies right by until a glance at the watch reveals that it’s time for us to call it a night, it’s almost close to 7:30.

“Guess we better head back Cinderella, before my ride transforms back into a pumpkin! I had a really good time tonight.” There’s something about the way he smiles at me that manages to raise the temperature of my blood while the light touch of his hand on mine sends goosebumps up my arm. My body is just as conflicted as my mind, it seems.

His hand that never leaves the small of my back as he guides me back outside is so comforting and familiar, I can’t help but lean back into it just a little.

I’m not used to this level of gentleman-ness, so there’s an awkward scramble of who gets to open the door that makes us both chuckle.

The date-night ends as it began on my front steps and I get wrapped up in the most perfect good-night kiss I can imagine, chaste but with a little teasing nip on my bottom lip before he gets back in the car, leaving me standing there wanting more.

More of nights like tonight, more of him, more of everything.

On that, even Angel and Devil can't help but agree for once.

#xf #the x files #xf fanfic #msr #felix felicis #awkward first dates are awkward

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hughiecampbelle · 4 years

Text

Temporary (Bonnie Gold Oneshot)

((PEAKY BLINDERS SEASON 5 SPOILERS))

Character/s: Bonnie

Word Count: 1,033

Requested: anon

Prompt/s: Patchwork, Safety Pin

Tag List: @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt @myriadimagines @lilyswritings @encounterthepast @writerdream22 @death-of-a-mermaid @lotsoffandomrecs @woahitslucyylu @obsessedunicorn24 @thedarkqueenofavalon @fangirlsarah16 @theshelbyclan @creativemayhems @soleil-dor @thegirlwithoutaname87 @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby @riana-jannat

A/N: This turned out a lot darker than I anticipated, but also what's new, y’know? Idk why, but I've been struggling with this so much. I absolutely love the concept, and even wrote an entirely different oneshot, I guess I'm just feeling insecure about my writing. None of it feels right. Nonetheless, I don't think writing a third version would help lol. I hope you like this and I hope it's not as awful as I feel it is!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💖💜

Summary: The only thing keeping you going is Bonnie 💕

Gif Credit: @bills-skarsgards :)

FIC MASTERLIST PART ONE. / PART TWO. / PART THREE.

WANNA BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST?

WANNA REQUEST A FIC?

Mud caked feet. Bleeding, torn soles pricked by thorns, by the hard ground, wounds full, choking on soil, on maggots, infection an old friend. Mother nature, in her infinite wisdom, had never been so unforgiving. Ruthless. Demonic. Nails broken, falling one by one in a gruesome attempt to lead you back to a home burning at the stake, discarded along the path of sharp turns, blurry edges. Screaming leaves rustling in the wind, crying out, threatening to fall, to leave you, just as the world fell from under you, as the sun solemnly set. Not out of her own will, her own power. The dark of the night draped over you, the wind biting, starved, the stars nothing but a mockery, finding solace in your pain. Your golden boy, with his sweet summer air, gone. Alone. Again.

Time itself an afterthought. Days and nights meant nothing. All you could do was run. Directionless. Heartless. Cold blooded. A voice between the trees, in the shadows, hummed in the twisted tunes of the crickets when they hushed you to sleep: give up. What more was there? A life cut short. Sliced. Diced. Fucking decapitated. Hung on a cross to atone for their sins. The worst kind of ending. Give up, give in, let go. Lay amongst the woods and wait. Decompose. To be picked apart until you were nothing but a pile of bones. Pray to any god who listened with compassion. Make it quick, painless, at the least dignified. Erase those dark eyes so scared, so knowing, staring you down.

He shouldn't have known where you were, he shouldn't have been able to see you in your hidden place, but he did. He always did. One word. An urge, and edge, in his silence. Run. Before things got bad, he meant. Before the gun struck him again, before they dragged him and tied him, your golden boy made only of blood. Before he hung by his wrists. Before your worst nightmare came true. Before your death. Inescapable. Run. To safety. To somewhere else. Away. Quickly, now. It would have been easy, effortless, even bliss, but he put up a fight every single day. It was who he was. You wouldn't go easy, either. Instead, you walk now, with a limp, with aches you'll never rid yourself of. The safety pin pricking your finger, drawing blood, ironic, really. A ring, in its own right. Engagement. Bent to make the shape. He needed you so much in that moment there was no time to wait, to think. Over the fire, your linens drying, blowing in the breeze, the warmth of him wrapped around you when you say it, when you say yes. Your golden boy, fiancé, all yours, and you, his. A vow, when the time came, for a real ring, a real wedding, a real life together. The world was perfect when it was only the two of you, though.

All you had left of him, the red across your palm.

You knew the life he was chasing, the dream, the want not to be forgotten. Playing toy soldier with people like that, it was dangerous. You thought it'd get him hurt, make your golden boy a patchwork of plastic bits and pieces until there was nothing left of his sweetness, like the rest of them. Temporary, he promised. It hadn't been a lie, but the words he spoke, he found hard to believe as they cut his tongue. The uncertainty dripping in his tone. Hand on your cheek, cupping your face, holding you together. Undeserving of him, his kindness, generosity, his dreams. The things he chased, the things that lived in all his stories. His voice, a lullaby. You were alone. No one by your side, not even your shadow. Forgotten by blood, by those who promised they'd never leave, discarded in the gutter. With him, you had a place to call home and a person to come home to. Your Bonnie, baby faced, naïve, too loving for his own good, head lost in the clouds. Always would be the first thing you noticed about him. The last, too. High above the world, in life and death. Excited, proud in his own shy way. Kissing his face tenderly after every match in the ring, hoping that would cure those black and blue bruises. Even now, a part of you resisted the want to turn back, to spend your future with him the way you intended.

The good in you. The good in this world. Lost. Murdered. The shell around you growing thicker, stronger, emotionless. Regret on the tip of your tongue, in the tears you cried, the sobs you tried to quiet, as if all the bad that ever followed you, your genetic default, putting him in harms way. You weren't sure how long it'd been. Weeks. Months. Lifetimes. Found. Dragged. Hushed, cooed, the way someone would a baby. Blank. A bed. Bandages. Around your legs, feet, smaller around your finger. His ring pried from your cold hands, thrown into the abyss. Men and women in white, missing their angel wings, their halos, their clouds. Each careful, quiet, preventing anymore pain. Speaking softly, incoherently. Not a word from your own mouth. Nothing left to say. In and out, from this world into the next. Never a sign of him, though. Not a whisper, a hint, he was simply gone. Awake. Asleep. You planned, plotted. Those men, the singing, the chanting, Billy's Boys. You'd find them, whoever they were, whatever they were. You'd make them pay the way he had. Take the light from their eyes without a moment of hesitation. Put them through what they put him through. Make them repent. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing would, not until you tracked them down, until your golden boy, with his big dreams and grand promises, could rest easy knowing they lay in shallow graves.

Even now, your mind and body healing, the need to hunt gnawing away, none if it could stop the anticipation, the wanting, to see him standing there, in the doorway, his grin lopsided in just the right places. Once again, this time with certainty, promising all of this would only be temporary.

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