#labelling it part 1 so i have the motivation to make part 2 and 3 for louis and claudia

[idontwikeit]

(Part 1) Lestat de Lioncourt // Ethel Cain - Ptolemaea

Heard you, saw you, felt you, gave you Need you, love you, love you, love you

[Youtube] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[runningwithscizzorz]

(1)Learn the rules before you break them + Gather proper references

(2) Understand what you want to break and how

(3) Can't do it? Find someone who can

(4) It's going to look really bad for a while

(5) Have fun with it!

(1) -Yes, I am that kind of artist. Yet, not in the conventional way. I encourage people to go in guns blazing when it comes to drawing something new, then coming out analyzing what they know, and what they need to learn more of right away.

-Here, I broke down the anatomical pieces of Nour and Narinder's face with the same labels so you guys can understand this weird invisible pattern that I follow in my work. Doing this with any animal you're attempting to draw greatly improves your line confidence when drawing different face shapes. Also understanding the biological function for why animals look a certain way helps you keep consistency.

(3) Time to throw any artistic guilt you have for heavily referencing people's art OUT THE WINDOW and start ANALYZING PEOPLE'S WORK YOU WANT TO BE LIKE✨ I've always done this, having a reference of someone else's amazing work right next to my own drawing so I can try and understand how they make their magic work! No shame, no embarrassment, nada. Pure, unadulterated will and spite that I would be just as good as the artist who made me so motivated and happy with their work! I couldn't figure out how to make Nour's face both sheep-like, and humanly expressive, so I looked at a LOT of Zootopia and old Disney art for help!

(2) With how I draw narilamb, I'm still working on it (as you can see) but I wanted to break Narinder's face to be fluffier and slimmer, while Nour's face would be shorter and flatter. If you look at it for too long, it's absolutely going to look weird, in the way that if you look at Anna from Frozen for too long she starts looking really weird. The anatomy isn't meant to be correct or consistent, it's meant to convey the emotion and energy I want out of the characters in that moment. If you're able to properly get that across, then you don't need to think about how broken something looks, as long as your eye is happy enough to trick your brain into thinking what you're seeing is canny.

(4) Yeah, I hate this part too. It's going to look like shit at first. I can't even look at my art from a few months ago when I was figuring out their designs... God, so fucking ugly. If it weren't for the shittiness of those drawings, I would have never gotten here! Wading through the "trust the process" stage always really sucks, but it's absolutely worth the relief of when you finally get something to look right.

(5) Art is work, yes. It's stressful, it's long, it's straining, its draining, it's exclaiming, blah blah blah. But, I try to keep my art FUN. If I find my artwork becoming slow as I depressingly drag my pen over my tablet, I'm failing. You MUST keep spirit and life in your work. The spirit of emptiness or the life of sadness can have a very meaningful place in art, but those can only exist with keeping work light, easy, and fun! If you're stressing how a specific thing looks or how you can't get something to look right no matter what, FUCK IT. Draw something to bring the flavor back in your work! I'm kind of rambling, but just, HAVE FUN!✨️ Be messy, scream, laugh, slash canvases, throw paint, smash sculptures, tear apart books, GO CRAZY

[weemsfreak]

Full Circle -Par 3

Part 1

Larissa Weems x fReaderOC

Summary: After Prudence's fathers death, she struggles to get back to her sport, golf. Larissa finally has time to indulge in her long forgotten sport as well, meeting some friends and culprits along the way. Both women hope to find joy on the course, but will they find something unexpected as well? ~6.9k words.

✂ Song that goes well with the fic: Dear Prudence by Siouxsie & The Banshees (linked at bottom)

Note: Hi everyone! So, many people seemed to like the idea of Larissa being part of a country club. I chose golf because I'm more familiar with it than tennis or anything else. There were so many ways I wanted this to go, so I hope that I met your expectations! This is pt 1 of probably 2. (If anyone else wants to be tagged in pt 2, let me know)

Warnings: A bit of misogyny, harassment, alcohol

@dopenightmaretyphoon @danverssawyer @dingdongthetail

Also, you're welcome for blessing your eyes with this image. I wanted to create digital art of her, but I haven't had time, so this is partially AI generated.

☼☼☼

Larissa's life had always been busy, excessively busy. For years, she had been caught up in the rollercoaster of a journey to becoming a teacher at Nevermore Academy, and eventually the Headmistress. She has had little to no time for herself, even during the summer months. However, about five years ago, a weight had been lifted. Well, it felt lighter, as she now had time. Time to return to a passion that she had long neglected and missed dearly. 'You're not getting any younger', she reminded herself. 'Get back out there'.

With that, she found herself at a golf club just outside of Jericho, purchasing a new set of clubs.

After playing alone for most of the season and getting back into the grove of things, she crossed paths with a trio of seasoned golfers: Tom, Glen, and Richard. They had noticed her playing by herself a few times, and one day asked if she would like to join their group.

"What's a pretty little thing like you doing playing alone?" Richard asked, winking at Larissa. The headmistress scoffed at the label, 'pretty little thing'. "I'm just getting back into the swing of things" she replied, trying to brush off his comment. "Come play with us, we've never had the pleasure of playing with a young lady before" Richard replied, wiggling his eyebrows. Tom chimed in, "Yeah, we could teach you a thing or two."

Larissa reluctantly agreed to join the men, and found that their persistent staring during her address wasn't doing her any favors, as her shots were less than ideal. About halfway through the game, Larissa regained some confidence, and started putting more power into her shots. "Pretty good, for a woman" Richard commented with a sly smile. Larissa rolled her eyes at him.

Despite Richards teasing and rude comments, the older men had recognized the potential in the younger woman. They knew that she had strength hidden behind that 'slender frame of hers', as they called it. Hell, she already had the precision.

"I'll make you a deal" Richard smugly said, smirking up at the woman. She straightened her posture and nodded down at him, "Alright." Richard observed Larissa's clubs, noting that they were top of the line. Perhaps money wouldn't motivate this woman. "You got a very nice set of clubs there, it's clear that you have potential. If you beat me on this hole, I'll give you $100." Larissa raised her eyebrows, a bet? She wasn't motivated by the money much, but beating this elderly man and showing them up, well, that was intriguing. "Deal" she said confidently.

As it was, Larissa put her all into everything that she did. Her drive sent the ball soaring with remarkable distance and precision. When it came time to putt, she had hope that she could beat Richard, for she prided herself on her putting skills, which for a lot of people was not a forte. Larissa and Tom managed to finish with a birdie, and Richard and Glen on par. "Well I'll be" Tom marveled. Richard let his eyes rake over Larissa's tall form, a smile pulling at his lips. "She has talent and beauty gentlemen, she's a keeper." Larissa couldn’t' help but shake her head at him as she let out a giggle. "Here you are" Richard said, handing Larissa a crisp hundred dollar bill. "Don't spend it all in one place."

Larissa continued to play with the three men for years, earning their respect and forgoing genuine friendships. She learned a lot from them, not only about golf, but also about life. When a golf season ended, she looked forward to the next. But, as fate would have it, after three seasons Richard didn't show up for golf. Tom and Glen solemnly informed Larissa that he had passed away. She silently thanked him for what he did for her, for he had turned her into a better golfer.

☼☼☼

You have been playing golf since you were a child. Over the years you have learned all the ins and outs of the game from your father, who had been a professional golfer himself at one point. His passion, and yours, for the sport was unmatched. Together you dedicated countless hours to perfecting your swing, honing your putting, and mastering every aspect of the game.

After your fathers passing, you found it very hard to muster the energy or motivation to play, especially without him by your side. Yes, you were grieving, your father and the game. It felt like when you lost him, that part of your life was lost too. Golf, for you, was lost in translation, out of the question, and thrown into the abyss.

And that was how you felt, for the longest time. That was, until your most recent life changing decision. You quickly fell in love with the mountains, greenery, and breath of fresh air that was Jericho, Vermont. You had never ventured far from your hometown, but now, you figured it was time.

Your father had gifted you a set of clubs once you had stopped growing. They were the latest models at the time, and they suited you perfectly. The only club in your bag that was not so new, was your driver. When you were younger and your father had stopped playing professionally, he had gifted you his pride and joy, his driver. After years of wear and tear, though, it was becoming a bit shabby.

You pulled up to the golf course just outside of Jericho, 'West Bolton Golf Club'. You had been here a couple of times recently, your first time back out was harder for you than you had anticipated. Yet, after not playing for a long while, you were still as good as ever. A tad rusty, you will admit, but you thought your father would be proud. You stood your clubs next to a table outside the clubhouse and opted for a sandwich before teeing off. You hummed quietly as you ate, soaking in the sun and the warmth it brought you. It was a beautiful day for golfing, gorgeous in comparison to the other days that you were here.

As you sat and ate, excited to get out on the course, you heard some men laughing at a nearby table. Old men jokes, you thought, never really funny. You turned your attention to them as you watched an older man reach his hand out and playfully swat at a woman's arm. They were all laughing, seeming like they were genuinely enjoying each others company, it made you smile. When you were finished with your sandwich, you walked to the trash and discarded your wrapper, then made your way back to your table. You had caught the eye of one of the older men, as he watched you sit back down and rearrange your clubs. You were glancing at the woman at the table, trying your best to be somewhat stealthy. She was an image, she looked like she was straight out of an old movie. She was definitely a member here, there was no doubt about that. Her whole demeanour screamed wealthy, though it was odd. Usually it would be no surprise to see an older woman at a golf club dressed to the nines, but this woman looked considerably younger than these elderly men. The color of her hair was making you think otherwise, but you'd swear it to be blonde, not white. "Hi there" one of the old men smiled, waving at you and pulling you away from your staring. You smiled and looked around, was he talking to you? He was looking at you. "Hi" you waved back, blushing in embarrassment.

Your attempt to be stealthy was not successful, it seemed. He definitely saw you gazing at the woman, what if she was his wife? The man smiled and made a 'come here' gesture with his hand, to which you stood and made your way to their table. "I haven't seen you here before, you new?" You looked around the table and found six eyes focused on you, two of which were distractingly beautiful. You swallowed, "Yes, I just moved here." The man nodded and responded warmly, "Well, welcome to West Bolton, sit, sit." You returned a quiet thanks before settling in the only empty chair, next to the woman. "I'm Glen, this is Tom" Glen gestured to the man beside him, then turned to the woman, "and this is Larissa." Tom nodded your way, and Larissa extended her hand with an enchanting red-lipped smile. The woman's appearance was nothing short of stunning. She exuded an air of wealth and sophistication, from her golf attire to her jewelry, from her meticulously styled hair to her bold yet elegant makeup. The way she laughed, the way she drank her wine, not to mention her confident demeanor, screamed at you. It was clear now that she was considerably younger than the older men, her porcelain-like complexion fixing you in a trance.

"Nice to meet you, darling" she greeted. You stammered as you shook her hand. You knew that you should give them your name in return, but your breath caught in your throat when the woman's smooth British accent hit your ears. "Y-you too, I'm Prudence." The woman continued to hold your gaze, and you then realized how close you were sitting to her. From this proximity, you could see that her skin was smooth and pale. You couldn't help but feel that you'd hurt her if you touched it. You didn't mean it in the way that she looked old and fragile though, heavens no, but in the way that artists would portray angels- bright, creamy, delicate, exquisite.

"So Prudence, do you play often?" Tom asked, breaking the silence. You shook your head, "Not much anymore, but I used to." Tom gestured to your clubs, "Those are nice clubs you got there." You smiled and nodded in agreement, "Thank you. My father gave them to me, he taught me how to play." "Who's your father? Would we know him?" Glen asked in curiosity. "Paul Clair" you replied proudly. Tom's eyebrows raised, "Paul Clair? From Tennessee?" You confirmed with a nod, "That's him." The old men paused and exchanged glances. "He was excellent at his sport, our condolences" Glen replied. After another moment of silence, Larissa turned to you. "We're going to tee off in a minute, would you like to join us, Prudence?" You considered her invitation, you were intrigued by this woman. But, you were working on your technique, and you didn't want to hold them up.

After politely declining, you allowed the group to get ahead of you before making your way to the first hole. You placed your tee into the ground and set up as you let the fresh air of the fairway fill your lungs, relief flooding your veins. You had always found solace in the manicured fairways and lush greens, which you desperately needed recently, especially today. After teeing off and sending the ball soaring through the sky, you smiled to yourself, "Pru, you still got it".

You took your time to correct your silly mistakes and scold yourself for things about which you knew better, until half way through, when you caught up with the group in front of you. Glen, Tom, and Larissa were at the next hole, joined now by two younger men. You scrunched your face up in confusion, there were only four allowed in a group.

Tom spoke to the newcomers, who looked eager to impress. "Newbies, eh? You wanna learn a few things?" The younger guys exchanged glances before nodding at the old man, "Yeah, sure." Tom demonstrated, setting up the ball and taking his shot, sending it straight down the fairway, out of sight. "Alright, your turn" Tom motioned to one of the boys. You observed the younger men, noticing that they carried themselves rather tall, chests puffed out and chins high. One of them walked up to the tee box and set his ball up, gripping his club and getting into position. The other boy was seemingly fixated on Larissa, and you realized that she was who they were eager to impress. You watched as the ball was sent flying with great strength, but it was a slice, and it landed in the trees. The next newbie took a turn, but didn't make contact with the ball on his first swing. He cursed before trying again and making contact, but not sending the ball far, at all. "Alright, alright" Tom intervened, giving the boys a few tips. After a few minutes, Tom walked back over to Glen and elbowed him playfully. You watched as Larissa chuckled and shook her head, as if she knew what was coming. "Alright boys, I'll make you both a deal." The boys smiled and replied with okays. Tom pointed to Larissa. "If one of you drive the ball further and with more precision than Larissa here, I'll give you each $50." The boys both turned their attention to Larissa, before giving her a one over and a smile. "You boys better buy the woman a drink with your winnings" Glen joked, the boys agreed happily.

You moved closer, eager to see how this bet would play out. Larissa turned to you as you walked up behind her. She smiled, "Shall I give them a run for his money?" You chuckled and nodded your head, "Give it all you've got."

The boys tried again, determined to impress. You had to give it to them, they did better than the first time. "Not bad boys, not bad" Tom praised. "You're up, Rissa." Larissa approached the tee box with a graceful sway of her hips, and placed the tee in the ground. As she set up, you couldn't help but roll your eyes. The boys wandering gazes were venturing lower, they weren't even trying to hide it. Larissa took an elegant practice swing before aligning her club up with the ball. You watched her, captivated by her movements. She was so proper and graceful with everything that she did, every move that she made. She swung and drove the ball, sending it straight down the fairway with grace. "I think that went further than mine" Tom laughed. The boys let out frustrated groans and chuckled in embarrassment. "Well boys, the lady beat you. Don't dwell on it too much, I'll buy you both a drink when were finished." You watched as they all packed their clubs and hopped into their golf carts. Larissa headed to the cart and returned her driver, but before she left, she turned her attention to you and gave you a wink, leaving you in awe.

☼☼☼

1

After a particularly taxing day at work, you sought comfort from the golf course. You decided to sit at a table and order a drink before you started. It was relatively calm tonight, as the beautiful day had turned chilly far too soon. However, the day turned beautiful once more when you caught a glimpse of light blonde hair in a passing group of people. To your surprise, and utter delight, Larissa was sitting at a table, alone. You wasted no time in gathering your belongings and walking over to her. "Hi!" you greeted, gazing down at the older woman. Larissa's face lit up with a smile when she met your eyes, "Hi darling, have a seat."

You settled into the chair beside her and took note of her choice of drink, red wine. You watched as long elegant fingers wrapped around the stem of the glass and manicured hands brought it to her lips. "You blew the boys out of the water the other day, quite impressive" you giggled. Larissa swallowed and chuckled, "Oh, you flatter me so."

You looked around at her empty table, "Where's Glen and Tom?" Larissa waved her hand dismissively, "Sometimes they're too much. I'm flying solo today." You nodded in agreement, "So, how do you know them?"

The woman smiled, reminiscing about the day she met her older friends. "Well, when I first started here, they made a bet with me, much like yesterday. Richard, may he rest in peace, said that if I bet him, he'd give me a hundred dollars." Larissa chuckled, shaking her head, "I got the hundred, and they invited me to play with them. At first they flirted with me and made stupid jokes, but I fired back, and they soon learned that I wasn't going to take any shit." 

You laughed at Larissa's story, "Wow, that's amazing!" The woman nodded, "I still have the hundred, it's on my wall." Your eyes widened in shock, you would've spent that money so fast. "So neither of them are your boyfriend, or husband?" you blurted. Immediately regretting your question, you slapped a hand over your mouth. You don't know what prompted you to ask that, you just wanted to clarify, for some reason. Larissa burst into laughter, throwing her head back as her hand flew to her chest. "No! No love, I'm not with either of them" she replied reassuringly. You let out a breath of relief, "Oh! Okay." Larissa suddenly narrowed her eyes at you. "Did you really think I was that old?" Heat crept up your cheeks, and you felt the need to explain yourself. "Oh, no! I knew you were younger. Well you look younger, but that doesn't mean anything" you smiled, embarrassed. The woman nodded her head in understanding and looked down at her wine glass. "How old do you think I am?" she asked. You froze, you hated that question. Um, 30? 50? You were horrible at this guessing game. "Umm, 40?" you replied sheepishly, it really was your best guess. She smiled, "Close, I'm 49." Your jaw dropped, she didn't look anywhere near that age, not that 49 was old. "How old do you think I am?" you asked. Larissa furrowed her brow as she studied you carefully. You just sat there, feeling like you were being penetrated by her gaze. "Late twenties" she finally said. You shrugged and smiled, "Yeah, good guess."

After Larissa's red was gone, she asked you to accompany her on the course, to which you happily agreed. This woman was a beast at the game, being on par almost every hole (and sometimes under), and never slicing the ball into the trees, water, or bunker. She was a joy to golf with, sharing tips and tricks whenever you needed them. You thought that she would be an excellent teacher. It was apparent that she loved to help and pass on her knowledge.

You watched from behind as Larissa putted, noting the small details of her form. Her putting form, that was. Well, maybe her physical form too. She wore a baby blue colored golf skirt that showed off her long legs and accentuated her wide hips. Her white colored polo shirt fit her perfectly. Her clothes were always pristine with no wrinkles, you could learn a lot from her. Her shoes were white, of all colors, stained with nothing, no grass, no dirt. As your gaze raked over her form from head to toe, you berated yourself internally, for you were no better than any man.

As the sun set and darkness fell, making it impossible to see, you both decided to call it a night. "You did amazingly today, darling" Larissa complimented. Blushing, you packed up your clubs and took them out of the golf cart. "Thank you Larissa, as did you." Larissa's gaze shifted down to your clubs, and she noticed a charm hanging off of your bag. She took the photo delicately in her fingers, "What's this?" It held a photo of your father, which you had placed in a clear case and attached to your bag. It made you feel like he was with you whenever you golfed. "That's my father. I didn't golf for a long time after he passed, so this makes me feel like he's still golfing with me." Larissa looked at you sincerely before running her hand down your arm soothingly. "Well, I'm so glad that you decided to get back to your sport, Prudence. He would be so proud." Larissa smiled down at you before holding her hand out to you. "Can I have your phone for a moment?" You reached into your pocket and handed her your phone, unsure of her intentions. She quickly entered her number into your contacts and handed it back. She had called herself 'Larissa (from golf)' which made you chuckle. "There's my number, incase you ever want someone to golf with, or just to talk to." You smiled up at the lovely woman, reveling in the warmth that her bright blue eyes radiated. "Thank you, Larissa."

☼☼☼

You found yourself driving to a liquor store in Jericho one evening. You had been non stop thinking about wine recently, but you were unsure as to why, you weren't usually a wine drinker. You were searching the store for a brand or variety that may appeal to you, when you set your eyes on red. You had in mind white, or perhaps rose, but something about red was very, very tempting. You picked up the bottle and read the description, you knew it would be strong and dry. You scrunched your face up in question, why was this so appealing to you? Suddenly, you remembered where you got the craving for red, Larissa.

You heard the door bell ding, indicating that someone was entering the store. Speak of the angel and she shall appear, or rather think of her. Her eyes scanned the store as she subconsciously made her way to your isle. She stood next to you and grabbed a bottle of red, the same bottle that you were holding. She didn't notice you standing there at first, and you used that time to take her in. She was wearing a sage green sleeveless dress, and a scarf tied around her head. She adorned nude colored kitten heels, and when you realized how tall she really was, you gasped lightly. Larissa swiveled her head around quickly to find you peering up at her. "Oh, hello love" she spoke, surprised but delighted to see you. You quickly smiled and averted her gaze, hoping she didn't notice your staring, "Hi Larissa." The woman took the bottle in her hands and held it next to yours. "We have the same taste, do we?" she chuckled lightly. You blushed and spoke hesitantly, "I actually never tried red before." Larissa turned to you with a grin, looking you up and down. "Well, I recommend it. It is my favorite, after all." You nodded, if this was Larissa's favorite, you'd at least try it. "So, I take it you live in Jericho?" You replied with a yes. "As do I" she smiled. After you purchased your wine, you walked out of the shop together. "Would you like to golf together again, Prudence? Perhaps Saturday?" You smiled wide and nodded your head excitedly, "I'd love to, I'll see you then."

☼☼☼

2

Saturday rolled around and you were eager to get on the course. You had played a couple of times by yourself recently, and your body ached from the exercise. Being out of practice was defiantly taking it's toll on you.

You played with the older woman, and delightfully you two became closer. You  learned that Larissa was the headmistress of Nevermore Academy, which you were not surprised about at all. When she had told you what type of school Nevermore was, you were a bit nervous, due to being unfamiliar. As you and her talked though, you became increasingly intrigued by Larissa's stories. You learned that her name was Larissa Weems, and you decided that you loved how her name rolled off of your tongue.

"Do you mind?" Larissa asked with a grin, handing you a bottle of sunscreen. She turned around so that her back was facing you, and pointed to the parts of her shoulders and neck that weren't covered by her tan sleeveless polo. "I can't reach very well, but I'm afraid I burn fairly easily."

You poured some sunscreen out into your hand, gently smoothing it over her skin. The warmth of her pale skin, and the contact in general, quickly brought a blush to your face. You tried your best to not miss any spots as you focused on not feeling, or looking, too flustered. Once you applied the sunscreen, you ran your hands lightly down her forearms. On purpose? By accident? You didn't know. Larissa turned around and took the sunscreen from you with a side smile and a flutter of her lashes, "Your turn."

As you spent more time with the headmistress, you quickly found yourself becoming enamored with the tall woman. She was a remarkable golfer, and you both bonded over your similar taste in clubs and similar techniques. She was easy to talk to, she was very sweet, and she was incredibly kind hearted. She had a playful, youthful spirit that was apparent with her constant jokes and antics. She was always ready to bring a smile to your face. Yet, she possessed a mature and responsible side, and when the situation called for it, she could assert herself firmly. You admired this quality of hers, especially since you tended to avoid confrontations. Larissa was the guidance that you needed in life, yet the friend that would support you. You prayed that your connection with the woman would continue to deepen, as you cherished your moments with her.

☼☼☼

"It's a beautiful day for it" Glen remarked, pulling his driver from his bag.

"Sure is" Tom replied. The older men watched Larissa as she prepared to tee off, carefully placing her tee in the ground and taking a practice swing to gauge her aim, factoring in the breeze.

"So Larissa, we haven't-"

"Tom, can't you see that I'm golfing here?" Larissa interrupted, standing and turning to her friend while narrowing her eyes at him. Tom held up his hands in surrender, "Sorry."

After Larissa took her shot, she turned back to him. "I was going to say that we haven't seen you in a bit. Have you grown tired of us old bags?" he joked, elbowing Glen.

Larissa chuckled and shook her head. "No, of course not. I've just been busy."

Tom and Glen teed off, moving to find their place on the fairway. "Busy huh, with what? You're off for the summer, you can't be doing work" Glen exclaimed.

Larissa rolled her eyes, they loved to get her going sometimes. She glanced down at her ball on the fairway, balancing her hand on her club. "I've just been doing my own thing."

Glen and Tom glanced at each other, giving knowing looks. "You've been playing with that young girl, haven't you?" Glen huffed in false annoyance.

The elder men knew that Larissa was interested in women, and they were always supportive. That's why they found it amusing to watch the young men flirt with her, for they didn't stand a chance. Yet, Larissa has been single for a long while, the old men were aware of that too. She didn't want them making jokes about you and her when you were purely just friends. Hell, she didn't even know if you liked women, let alone her. She scrunched her face up at the older men, hoping to appear convincing in her lie. "No I have not, why would you say that?"

Tom chuckled, "I saw your name in the books."

 Larissa stared at them, expressionless, before sighing and nodding her head. "Okay, we have played together a few times."

The old men laughed before moving on to their putting. "Nothing wrong with that" Glen spoke.

"Is she good?" Tom chimed in.

Larissa smiled, thinking back to the times that you two had played together. "Very good, almost as good as I am" she replied, sinking the ball and beating both men by a stroke.

"Shit" Tom murmured.

"Well, bring her out next time, Rissa. We'd love to see her play," Glen suggested.

Larissa gave them a knowing look, "You'd love to annoy her, you mean."

Tom chuckled and placed his hand on Larissa's upper back. "Yes, that too."

☼☼☼

3

Although you were confident in your golfing abilities most of the time, you had always been nervous about golfing with others. You feared that you might hold them back, or appear too cocky, or god forbid have a particularly bad day. Alas, when Larissa texted you and asked if you wanted to play with her and the older men, you had decided that was 'the way of the game', as your father used to say.

You loaded your clubs into a golf cart and sat next to Larissa. Her outfit of the day caught your attention, as it always did. She looked stunning in her red sleeveless dress, which matched her red lips and contrasted nicely against her porcelain skin. She smiled down at you when she saw you eyeing her outfit. She reached out and stroked your arm, making a rush of warmth spread over you as your gaze shot up to meet hers. "How are you today, darling?"

You felt your heart flutter at her question, her eyes brightly boring into your own. She never failed to make you feel cared for and important. "I'm good Larissa, how are you?"

Larissa turned the cart on and shifted into drive, smiling wide.

"Much better now that I'm here with you."

As Larissa drove to the first hole, you dug out a cold alcoholic beverage. You knew it wasn't allowed on the course, as they wanted you to buy drinks from the shop. Sucks for them, you only had so much money, and the prices at the club were steep. "What have you got there?" Larissa asked, peering down at the can in your hands. "Vodka soda, want one?" You dug through your bag, pulling out another. Larissa shrugged and scrunched up her nose playfully, "Sure, why not."

As the day progressed, you found that you were playing rather well. Glen and Tom occasionally made remarks, one about you being so young, and something about Larissa and women. You didn't know what they were getting at exactly, so you ignored them. Larissa and the men shot comments back and forth as you sat in the background in hysterics. The old men really seemed innocent, and you now understood why Larissa liked them so much. By the 9th hole, you had become relaxed and comfortable with their bickering. It was all in good fun, after all.

"Aww, ducks!" you exclaimed, pointing to ducks in a pond while you were passing by in the golf cart. Larissa turned to catch what you were pointing at and stopped to let you enjoy the moment. However, she stopped so abruptly that Tom and Glen almost rear ended your cart. "Rissa, get going!" Tom yelled. Larissa ignored him and turned to you, "Do you want to go see the ducks darling?"

You excitedly nodded your head and exited the cart, walking over to the pond. You observed the ducks happily as they dived for food and quacked, swimming about the small pond. You remembered how your father would point all the animals out to you while golfing, the ducks in the pond, the rabbits in the woods, and the cows that lived next to the golf course, the one back home. You were always scared that if you didn't send the ball straight, it would curve and hit one of the cows.

"C'mon, they're just ducks" Glen chuckled.

"Leave her alone, what are you in a hurry for" Larissa replied, sitting in the cart patiently watching you. She smiled as she marveled over you. She thought that your interest and love for the simple things was adorable, and she would never want to take any joy away from you. She found that, even though you had only played together a few times, you reminded her to slow down and take her time with things, to appreciate them more. In Larissa's busy everyday life, she had forgotten how to do that. She admired the way you thought about things twice, so that you would do them right, but at the same time, you weren't too caught up in the competition, in the hustle and bustle. You went at your own pace and did your own thing, and that was how it should be.

You walked back to the cart and got in, smiling ear to ear. You were grateful for her support, and you appreciated her sticking up for you. "Thanks, Larissa" you said, blushing slightly at her. "Of course love" she replied, reaching for your hand and stroking her thumb over your skin.

You were teeing off at the next hole when Glen noted your worn out driver. "You got a lot of use out of that" he said, pointing to the scuffed up and dented head. You picked it up and brushed it off, "Yea, I guess I could use a new one." "You'd do better with a new one, that one is probably throwing you off" Tom noted. You nodded and chuckled, "I'll get a new one, eventually." Larissa took note of your attitude, it was like something was bothering you. "They have nice ones at the shop darling, we can go look at them" she chimed in. You shrugged, "Maybe another day, I'll have to save up" you embarrassingly admitted.

You sat in the golf cart enjoying a snack as Larissa conversed with the older men. Your jaw almost dropped when your gaze landed on her, the sun cascading around her form and accentuating her red accents. The sky was unusually colorful today, with pink, orange, and yellow hues blended together smoothly. Larissa's smile glowed even more than on a normal day, and her eyes crinkled with joy. She was truly a breathtaking image. An image. You gasped excitedly when you recalled packing your polaroid camera, and you quickly pulled it out of your bag. You looked through the camera lens and focused it on her, your hands shaking as you tried to keep it steady. As you were about to snap the photo, Larissa turned and started walking toward your cart. You pulled away from the camera nervously, hoping to snap a photo without her seeing. You said screw it as you lined the camera lens up with her, ceasing an opportunity that was too good to pass up. She smiled to herself and her gaze met the sky as she made her way to you. You snapped the shot. Candid photos were always beautiful, as they captured the essence of a person. You laid your camera carefully back in your bag, listening to the whirring of the printing photo. Larissa sat next to you, still smiling wide as she gestured to the sky. "Isn't it beautiful, darling?" You looked up at the array of colors, before lowering your gaze to your bag. You chuckled to yourself, debating on letting your thoughts run with the breeze and carry themselves to her ears, 'It's not as beautiful as you.' Alas, you refrained and your gaze met hers warmly. "It really is Larissa, it's so beautiful."

After the 16th hole, you loaded your clubs into the cart and settled in the passenger seat again. You had a few drinks while on the course, which may have affected your performance, but not too much. You were caught off guard as Larissa stepped on the gas, giggling, as she thought it would be hilarious to leave Tom and Glen in the dust. You squealed as you fell gently into the woman, and quickly grabbed the handle to pull yourself away. She raced down the dirt path to the next hole, and you watched as the sunscreen fall out of the cart and onto the ground. "Shit Rissa, the sunscreen!" you hollered. The older woman slammed on the breaks, the cart drifting in the dirt and gravel. You jumped out and retrieved the sunscreen, laughing hysterically. "Geeze, you gotta be somewhere?!" you said, eliciting a cackle from Larissa as she drove down the path. When you stopped, she leaned closer to you and took your hand in hers again. Her plump lips curled up into a cute smile as brown eyes met blue, and you blushed. "You're very fun to be around, Prudence. Thank you for coming out today" she whispered. Your blush deepened as you looked down at your intertwined hands and squeezed hers reassuringly, "It's my pleasure. You're a delight, Larissa."

Glen ended up winning this round, with Larissa in second and you in third. Tom, being the loser, offered to buy the drinks. As you all sat, worn out from the day, a man appeared at your table, "What can I get you all?" He looked younger than Larissa, yet older than you. You noticed that he was paying an unusual amount of interest towards the woman. He talked enthusiastically, and you watched him as he took the old men's orders of beer, your order of a rum and coke, and Larissa's order of red wine. He took Larissa's order last, looking her up and down with a smirk. He then opened his mouth, to your dismay. "I saw you playing today Larissa, not your best day huh? Maybe it's because you're not wearing your blue skirt. That one shows you off nicely" he winked. Before you, or anyone else could say anything, the man walked away. Larissa let out a groan in annoyance and placed her head in her hands. "What the hell is his problem!?" you asked, frustrated and confused. Larissa sighed and turned to you, about to respond, when Glen spoke up. "He's a cocky young thing. He works and plays here. When Larissa first started playing, he challenged her."

"He challenged her, and Rissa beat him! Now he's sour about it" Tom added, rolling his eyes. Larissa leaned in closer to the men and whispered in disgust, "He never leaves me alone. I always see him eyeing me, little pervert."

"He'll get what's coming to him" Tom replied confidently, taking a drink of his beer.

After a drink and some much appreciated golf advice from Glen and Tom, another man made his way to your table and stopped next to Larissa. "Red wine, a fine choice" he said, flashing her a toothy smile. Larissa smiled back and nodded, "Yes, it's my go to." The man looked around the table at the older men, then at you. "May I buy you another?" he asked, gesturing to her drink. Your eyes narrowed at him, how arrogant, it seemed that he had deemed her available to flirt with. Tom laughed and shook his head, "You're barking up the wrong tree pal." Larissa glared at Tom with an expression that said 'shut up.' She then looked up at the man and waved her hand dismissively, "Thank you, but I'm fine." The man replied while eyeing Larissa up and down. "Are you sure? I saw you golfing today, and I'm pretty impressed." Larissa chuckled but shook her head no, about to politely decline again, when you spoke up. You furrowed your eyebrows at the man and placed your hand on Larissa's, "She said she's fine." The man's eyes widened in surprise as they shot to you. He then nodded and headed back to his table. Larissa gazed down at you and chuckled in amusement and surprise, squeezing your hand lightly. She hoped you couldn't read it on her face, but she thought it was precious, how you defended her. "Someone has a crush" Glen spoke, picking up his beer and taking a sip. Larissa smiled, "I'm sure he just wanted to talk about golf." Glen raised his eyebrows as he looked at you, "I'm not talking about him."

Larissa gave him a questioning look before letting go of your hand, "I'll be right back." As soon as Larissa entered the building and was out of sight, the men turned to you. "So, what are your intentions with our friend here?" Tom asked. You tilted your head in confusion, "What do you mean?" "Do you like her?" Glen chimed in. You raised a brow, "Well yeah, I like her. Why wouldn't I?" Tom and Glen smirked at each other before chuckling at your obliviousness. "No, are you interested in her? Do you like women?" Your mouth dropped open as you blushed lightly. You knew the answer to that question, but why did they care? You shrugged, "No, no. I mean maybe, yeah."

Larissa was making her way back from the washroom when caught your conversation. She stopped at the door and discreetly listened in. "Well, she likes women, and she's single" Glen replied, hinting. Larissa's mouth opened in disbelief, they were just casually outing her to you? Okay then. "You know she's 49, right?" Tom laughed. Larissa's mouth dropped further, they weren't ones to talk about age. You chuckled and shook your head at the men, now eager to speak the truth. "I don't care if she's 49, she's fucking lovely." Glen and Tom erupted into laughter at your response, but inside, a toothy smile lit up the older woman's face. Larissa's heart swelled in her chest at your words, you innocent thing you. She returned to the table and settled down next to you, scooting her chair closer to yours. Her eyes crinkled as she smiled down at you, and when you returned a side smirk, she gave you a knowing wink.

☼☼☼

Part 2

[orphee-aux-enfers]

I. Don’t understand how being against homophobia and misogyny and informational suppression is cultural relativism? Yeah I have a #USAmerican raised Christian bias but I think not being bioessentialist and anti-intellectual is. Normal???? Genuinely don’t understand

Okay so. My guess from how this was written is that you are either a child or just into your 20s. I'd expect much different wording and approach if you were older. So. I'm going to try and be as gentle and clear cut as possible.

1) Orthodox Judaism is actually quite diverse and also different from Christianity, even fundamentalist Christianity .

2) What you're witnessing is not necessarily indicative of the actual community values; you are interpreting without insider perspective, or seemingly any actual knowledge. You're also ascribing motive to actions that may or may not be there.

3) many orthodox Jews, myself included, are queer and trans and embraced by our community. Every person of authority I've spoken to on the matter says that my incredibly queer, t4t marriage that gets read as gay no matter what, still gets the mitzvah of sex on erev Shabbos, and that includes my main community of Chabad.

4) many books are screened before being given to children by all people everywhere for a variety of reasons. Just because you don't fully understand the reasons as you are not yourself Orthodox Jewish doesn't mean that they are automatically something to be hated due to your preconceived notions.

5) Assuming a group is inherently homophobic, misogynistic, etc. Simply because you don't understand them as you are not part of their community is in fact a bad behaviour, yes. Don't do that. Most of the time, in most communities people are at worst confused.

6) As for misogyny... It's important to know the ways in which Judaism actually structures it's sex roles. No one has different sex roles because they're lesser, which misogyny implies. And every SINGLE person I have ever met observes mitzvos based on sex due to actually desire, not coercion. But for example, married women cover their hair as a way of making their marriage even more holy. Men meanwhile are told to cover their head at all times so they are mindful of G-d at all times. What does this imply at first glance? Why, that women are capable of remembering G-d at all times and the men are silly and must forget G-d if not reminded! Do we think this is all to the interpretation?

So. Before you judge our community so harshly... Perhaps also consider the last century of human history alone. We are being killed and hurt at alarming rates again, especially in the USA. Is it any wonder we don't stop in the streets to justify our existence to you?

Lastly, an oversharing of my personal details because as I am currently safe and well at home, I feel I ought to give you opportunity to understand that you aren't seeing/understanding the complexity of sex roles in Judaism

7) so, yes, orthodox Judaism has gender/sex based roles. It also is, in my experience, pretty flexible to meet individuals. I was coercively assigned female at birth. I was however by Jewish law, tumtum. In English terms, I had ambiguous genitals which could be surgically changed. My sister wanted a baby sister. And so, I was surgically "corrected" and raised female, until puberty and onset of hormonal problems that indicated that it wasn't just a genital mutation. I felt disconnected from binary gender, and at time, in part of my community having a label for me while the hospital I was born at had simply labeled me "incorrect", I came to embrace a masculine social standing. Because I was unable to be sexed as an infant, have masculine levels of testosterone and a lack of menses for years at a time, I have to adhere to both male and female sex based mitzvos. Religiously, I am operating with the strictest possible adherence, but this is all written and debated, as are all of the other sexes in Judaism. I am, however, allowed to exist as intersex in a Jewish community in a way that I am NEVER allowed to exist as intersex without a fight in the secular world, to the point that if it's not relevant I identify only as trans, because otherwise it becomes too complicated in the secular world. And this is genuinely because there is actually a space for me to exist in, as there are six Talmudic sexes.

Being trans and intersex is "allowed". Being queer is "allowed". Some communities differ, but I've lived in seven, and all of them have been more accepting of me being queer, trans, and intersex, than any secular space, including liberal and leftist spaces. At WORST, I am met with curiosity because I am new to the community. I think, perhaps, too many people in this world mistake curiosity with hatred.

[sweetflanfiction]

The Arena - Part 1

Universe: Alice in Borderland

Pairing: Chishiya x reader

Disclaimers and Warnings: This is going to have some descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks as well as the general 'alice in borderland' violence. Be warned.

I'm trying to make the reader gn, but I'm always scared to make any sort of gendering labeling, so just please forgive me if something is gendered and know that my idea is to make the reader GN.

And also, I still don't know what I'm doing, and english is still not my main language.

Plot: You go to a work event in a familiar place you've never been to.

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 // Part 9 // End

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The sun was still low on the horizon when you arrived at the Foundation’s main door. Grabbing your duffel bag and backpack you exited your car followed by your close friend, roomie and colleague Kaori. There were already a few staff members waiting, on the sidewalk, for the transport to take you all to the event and you both walked to join them.

Kaori hadn’t stopped talking about the conference and the fact that you would get a free vacation out of it. However, your mind kept switching her off from time to time.

“Hey! You sure you’re feeling alright?” They asked you for the tenth time.

“Yeah. It’s just weird…I feel…weird…” You told them honestly.

You met Kaori a long time ago. They had been the ones that had helped you after ‘the incident’. Their bubbly personality, friendly attitude, and especially their caring and patient side had become a safe space for you to turn to. Even if sometimes they were a bit overexcited. After the meteor, their over-the-top personalities were what kept you motivated.

“It’s the first lengthy trip after the…thing…it’s normal. It’ll be alright…” Kaori placed a hand on your shoulders, giving you a reassuring smile and you smiled back, still weary.

It was in fact the first long trip you had taken after the disaster a year ago. In the months after the incident, just walking around Tokyo would make you hyperventilate. Although it had subsided, there was still a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach. You felt like a prey animal, always hypervigilant. All the doctors you knew and all the counselors told you it was normal. You had been through a traumatic event, more than that it had been a sudden traumatic event, your body still in fight or flight mode. Still, the explanation didn’t take away the feeling.

“I promise you, I have googled every single space agency, telescope and conspiracy theory website. None indicated the sky was going to fall down again.” 

You rolled your eyes at their joke. Some people might find their humor offensive, but it was something you both had in common. Even though you still felt the scars mentally of your trauma, you found that a helpful workaround was to joke about it.

“Thank you. Deeply appreciated, friend!” You placed a hand on your heart in mock gratitude and they nodded.

"No problem, buddy."

As you approached the small group of people at the door, you both made a beeline for some familiar faces. The taller of the two figures, Ari, waved at you and your friend as they saw you approaching. 

“Who’s ready for a free vacation?” Ari asked, clapping her hands together and beaming brightly.

“It’s not free.” Chishiya’s raspy voice argued.

"It's an all-inclusive, four-day trip to one of the finest resorts in Tokyo. It's a bit of a free vacation.” Kaori argued back.

“Did you forget about the two-day conference?” He asked her, pushing his hands into his white jacket.

You stood, quietly grinning, looking between Kaori, Chishiya and Ari as the three of them argued whether the event constituted a paid vacation or just work.

“You know! I liked you better when you were blonde.” Ari concluded by crossing her hands over her chest.

The look Chishiya threw at her was the most offended glare you had ever seen him give. It lasted exactly 5 seconds but it was enough for you to snort as you tried to keep the laughter in.

“Come on Ari, we all know blonde Chishiya was not the superior Chishiya.” You teased, pointing at his now jet black hair. “This! This is our true lord and savior. The evolution of the man, who is now a legend.”

“I don’t know why I hang out with you people.” He retorted, but his face was neutral with a side of good humor.

He had indeed made a radical shift in his looks. His hair was slightly shorter, looked healthier, but his usual white was now jet black. He had changed his locks after the incident, a few weeks after he started working at the Foundation. Obviously, you all teased him.

Truth be told, many survivors had indeed altered their appearances after the trauma. The last time you saw some of them, thanks to the ‘mandatory monthly therapy session ’ , there had been some changes in aesthetics. Some had grown out their locks, others had shaved their heads, and others had changed their style completely. You yourself had changed your appearance as soon as you could move about.

Every time you looked in the mirror, the person looking back didn’t seem like you. It was like staring at a photo of you from years ago. From another life. And technically, that was right.

“Because you need a few people around, to bring you down from that marble pedestal you like to stand on.” Ari said and everyone nodded, including him.

“Kicking and screaming sometimes.” Kaori gave everyone a knowing look.

"Alright children. Enough with the beating of an undead horse.” You looked between your friends as they groaned and moaned at the bad joke.

The bus arrived and the group made their way to it. As you walked down the bus aisle quietly, shuffling behind the rest of the staff, you could hear Kaori and Ari argue about something they had read in a scientific magazine and Chishiya complaining he was not mentally ready to spend an hour hearing Ari go on about this.

“You can sit with me.” You smiled at him, turning to look at him over your shoulder. 

“Thank you.” He bowed his head to you.

As the four of you settled into your seats, the excited Ari and Kaori kept chatting on and on about the article while Chishiya just shook his head.

“That article was disproven by several sources months ago.” He declared in a hushed tone as he took out his hoodie and placed it on the overhead shelf. 

“You can walk over and tell them that. Good luck!” You teased him and he shook his head, getting comfortable.

"Ari will probably google it in about...five minutes." He grinned at you, raising one eyebrow and you chuckled.

The relationship between you was warm, comfortable and you both seemed to enjoy each other's company. You both shared a once-in-a-lifetime experience, which bonded you in an unusual way, just like it did with the survivors. There were some who were affected more than others, but being collectively dead for a minute or two had made you all form a strange bond. 

With Chishiya it spanned beyond the monthly meetings though. You had started working at the Foundation months before the meteor, and he had joined a few weeks after. The Foundation had made you and him sit through counseling every week, deeming that the monthly therapy group sessions given by the government weren’t enough. You would both sit in the waiting room of the psych wing waiting for your name to be called. That was the perfect opportunity for you to strike a conversation with the handsome and aloof doctor.

It started with small talk, the weather, the shifts at the hospital, what had been on TV. Even though he seemed distant, he was willing to listen to you. He kept the conversation flowing by adding some snarky remarks and trivia about the topic you'd be discussing.

And then you introduced him to your friends and the four of you became a unit. It had taken him a while to get used to the chaos that was the three of you together, but as time passed, you noticed him becoming more relaxed. Although he kept all of the other staff at arms length, barely moving an eyebrow at them, around you three, he seemed to be content. He seemed to be happy, often antagonizing one of you or just letting you all tease him about something.

It became a habit to wait for each other whenever you had counseling sessions. You would grab some cookies from the machine and sit on a bench taking in the last rays of sunshine.

• ··········· • ············ •

“Thank you” He said one day, munching on a biscuit, making you turn your head towards him in surprise.

“For what?”

“I don’t know.” The still white haired doctor shrugged and leaned back into the stone seat. “When I woke up in the hospital, I felt like I needed a change.”

“Dying does that to you.” You smiled at him and he nodded.

“I didn’t enjoy doing anything before. At least that’s what I felt. I was a flat line, just keeping up with the flow. Nothing mattered. Get to work, pretend to care, go home, pretend to have hobbies, pretend to have friends, go to sleep. Repeat. I felt nothing. Whether I was telling a mother that her child was dying or just ordering lunch, it was all the same to me. ”

“And now? Are there any nuances in your...feelings?” You questioned him softly and clearly saw the gears in his head turn.

“Yes.” He looked at you and raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully rationalize what they are, but there are spikes on the line now.”

“I don’t think you have to rationalize emotions, Chishiya. I don’t think anyone does. You just have them.”

“What if I don't have them?” 

“Well, you go to counseling." you joked, pointing a cookie at him and then becoming serious. "I’ve seen you with your patients. I’ve seen you around Ari and Kaori. I’m seeing you now. This…” Your hand motioned towards him. “This is feeling an emotion.”

• ··········· • ············ •

Tagging goes here :D

[faux-ecrivain]

Welcome

Welcome, My Dearest Darlings, please enjoy your stay. This is a placeholder post, tomorrow I shall post something official. There will be rules for this blog, but I’m sure you’re big enough to handle them. Most of my posts will be yandere headcannons, stories, fanfics or blurbs. I can’t promise five star posting, but I can promise yandere that are obsessed with you! Kisses! 💋💋

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[Posting Schedule]

Sunday- 0 to 1 posts

Monday- 1 to 2 posts

Tuesday- 0 to 1 posts

Wednesday- 1-2 posts

Thursday- 1 post

Friday- 0 posts

Saturday- 1 to 2 posts

[This is my schedule, it may change but for the most part I will abide by this schedule.]

[Notice; Requests are open, if you want me to write a story, headcannon or Drabble then send in a request through the ask system.] [You have a high possibility of having your request accepted and then written, but please do not expect to be chosen and remember that I have every right to reject your request.]

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@emxzz

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[Anons] (yes, I will do emoji anons) Anon 1

Anon 2 (Also known as 9 cat anon)

Anon 3

Anon 4 (Also known as najma anon)

Anon 5

Anon 6 (also known as Doll)

Anon 7

Anon 8 (also known as ૮₍ ˶• ༝ •˶ ₎ა anon)

Anon 9

Anon 10

Anon 11 (Henceforth referred to as Banana Bread Anon)

Anon 12 (._. Anon)

Anon 13

Anon 14

Anon 15

Anon 16

Anon 17

Anon 18

————- [Socials] Wattpad (@CuddleBuddy3) Quotev (https://www.quotev.com/ForgetfulFerret) Main Account (@circularcatinspace) ————

Masterlisturl (https://www.tumblr.com/faux-ecrivain/738086533063655424/masterlist?source=share )

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The Rules

Do not spam requests, asks or comments.

I reserve the right to reject any requests that make me uncomfortable.

Do not share any personal information on this account, that means don’t share your name, address or anything similar in a request or comment. 

If you want to request something, or send in an ask, please offer details, such as pronouns, the setting, the year and basic info about your requested yan. (Eg; could you make a yan that hates their darling and only obsesses over them because they look like yan’s ex?)

I will not do smut, I can’t write smut and the most you’ll get is a suggestive tension. 

If you send in a request, ask or make a comment, and it has triggering content, please label it with the symbol TW.

Do not send any asks, requests or make any comments that contain derogatory remarks towards a certain group. (In simple terms; no bigotry, which means prejudices towards a certain group.)

Do not rush me, but do motivate me. (which means I accept compliments, analysis of my works and comments of a similar manner)

That’s all for now, more might be added later, remember rules are subject to change.  —————————————————-

[Fun Facts About Me]

I don’t like making grammatical errors, they are irritating and embarrassing (in my opinion). However, mistakes are part of life and I have to learn to how to move on. That said; if you do see some grammar mistakes please let me no and I’ll try to fix it. (Ugh, it’s embarrassing that I was born, and live in, Mississippi yet I make numerous grammatical errors. I’m so bad, most of the time, at English, it’s hilarious.)

I have a tendency to ramble, over explain and procrastinate. I can also appear quite pushy, this is probably because of some deep seated worry that I haven’t yet uncovered.

I love mysteries, they are my favorite genre and I especially love the femme fatale mysteries or mysteries with a female lead.(IE; Miss. Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, Murder She Wrote and there’s more but my mind is blank right now.)

I have a soft spot for cute fuzzy cats and I like taking photos of scenery that I believe to be beautiful.

Alice in Wonderland is one of my favorite books, it was a childhood favorite and it still is to this day. (The animate movie and the book are my preferred versions of Alice In Wonderland.)

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[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 5

It's The Date Episode! And honestly, fucking outstanding. The core six pair off and spend the day lying to themselves and each other. It's mostly cute and sweet but the undercurrent of shit about to hit the fan hangs over the entire episode. It's sort of the calm before the storm. Last week, Boston held onto his top spot in the viewer rankings for the second week in a row, with Ray and Nick rounding out the leaderboard. Can the most miserable bastard in the world do the hattrick? Here's this week's winners and losers.

🔺1. Top (2)

Why don’t you try Lasik? A friend of mine had it, and they said their eyesight is so much better. But now that I think about it…I don’t want you to get it now. I like you better looking like a nerd.

Look, ain't nobody more surprised than me, but this man legit got every goddamn thing he wanted this ep. Top putting on the perfect man act (and I am more convinced than EVER that it's an act) was fascinating to watch. Studiously ignoring all the various signals put out by various other men all day, knowing Mew's eyes are on him. The fucking INSTAGRAM COUPLE PHOTO. And then the knockout blow: when he looked Mew dead in the eye and said 'I love you' I said out loud OH YOU MANIPULATIVE MOTHERFUCKER WELL PLAYED. Do I think Top has bad motives towards Mew, no. I just think he likes the idea of Mew a lot more than he actually likes Mew. And now that Mew's given up that bussy, I'm counting down to Top finding a mistress to give him some variety.

🔺2. Nick (3)

-You’re acting weird. -Weird how? I’m just… I’m just shuffling up my style.

Speaking of getting everything you want, Nick looked like he won the lotto when Boston started talking about settling down. Never mind that Nick is doing ALL of Boston's work for him. Never mind that 3 separate people have now told Nick that Boston ain't shit. Nick is euphoric. Nick has ascended. Nick is doodling 'Mr. Nick Boston's-last-name' in his Trapper Keeper. Nick is going to the gym and dressing more upscale. Nick is giggling when Boston asks to spend the night instead of fucking off as soon as they finish fucking. Nick is headed for a crash so great I'm SALIVATING.

🔺3. Boston (6)

I feel like I should stop sleeping around for a bit. It’s been feeling so empty lately. In the end, I want to have sex with someone I can… talk to for a little, you know? Like, have great sex, have good chats, and…someone I can get affectionate with. Right now…there’s only you.

Told y'all you can't keep a bad bitch down for long and Boston's already bouncing back. He might have had a moment of weakness and tried to be nice for exactly one day, but Nick getting drunk and stoned and running his mouth about how cute Sand and Ray were activated his asshole glands. He smelled happiness and said NOT ONE FUCK OF THAT ON MY WATCH. Boston is that Marie Kondo gif, he fucking LOVES mess no matter how much he goes on about hating drama. He will always poke the hornet's nest. Shutting the fuck up was free, but he just COULDN'T. And thank god, because Ray punching him in the mouth was like 3 of the 5 top things that happened this ep.

🔻4. Ray (1)

-That’s a nice top. Where did you get it? -This thing? It’s secondhand.

Whew Ray's day slummin' it was so classic I shed a tear. I can't really adequately describe his facial expression through the whole day, but 'condescending amusement' is closest. His enjoyment of Sand's company is very real, as are his attraction and hints of affection, but he absolutely does not consider that man his equal, and that's why he doesn't even consider the 'boyfriend' label. No matter what Ray's feeling, Sand's demi-monde, not part of his world. He likes that Sand treats him like he's special, he likes that Sand seems to always want him around, he likes that Sand will take care of him, but he'll never take Sand seriously. This would be true even if he wasn't in love with Mew, but being in love with Mew makes it all worse. Pathetic, I love it.

🔹5. Sand (5)

I work. I save up money. I sleep. I dream. I go to bed alone, wake up, and go to work. Until…he came along. It’s like somebody presses pause on all my 24 hours. Next thing I know…I’m living my 25th hour. Ray’s extra hour.

Oh SAND. I've been saying from jump this is hurting most because SAND KNOWS BETTER. When Sand called Ray his 25th hour I wanted to SCREAM because BABY BOY YOU KNOW BETTER. This dude is either drunk or hungover all of those same 24 hours you are grinding out a living, but you wanna spend your birthday with him because he makes you feel sparkly. He stays sneering at how you ain't got no money and work 17 jobs, but because he does it with a twinkle in his eyes you're blind and deaf all of a sudden. He told you HIS MOTHER DRANK HERSELF TO DEATH and you pour him another drink. I ain't feeling sorry for Sand anymore, he did this to himself.

🔻6. Mew (4)

-Does this mean I passed your test? -Yeah. You’ve convinced me that you really only have eyes for me.

Mew really tried to play a player and ended up playing himself instead. Like, in one way he's won: Top's his boyfriend, and honestly very likely to stay that way. But Mew should have been careful what he wished for because 'boyfriend' and 'faithful lover' are two very different things.

⭐7. Sand's mom

You keep nagging at me, you know that? Who between us is the mother, exactly?

WE AIN'T MET THIS LADY FOR NOTHING! My Sand/Top half brothers theory LIVES!

⭐8. Summer

Sorry to chat you up, but I’m alone, after all.

Poor girl's a hottie but didn't stand a chance.

[burningvelvet]

A very long analysis on Heathcliff, his relationships, and his origins: or, how Wuthering Heights drove me insane :)

Links to my previous WH analysis (which aren't required to read this post!): 1) my post analyzing heathcliff & his relationships with cathy2.0/isabella/hareton / 2) smaller post analyzing heathcliff & the earnshaws in relation to theories about his parentage / 3) misc. heathcliff/cathy analysis

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On Heathcliff's origins, his mysteriousness, and his arrival to Wuthering Heights:

As I mention in that 2nd link, I think the theory of Heathcliff being Mr. Earnshaw's son is an interesting theory of conjecture because even if not true (and it probably isn't) it allows us to more deeply explore the generally accepted basis of the canon, which is that Heathcliff is not related to them, but nevertheless is still caught between the labels of "family" and "outsider," just like he would have been if he had indeed been a bastard, a step-child, or even more formally adopted. Under Mr. Earnshaw's wishes Heathcliff shares a room with the children, he is given equal gifts and clothes as them, and he is preferred over Hindley. And while he may not be in line to inherit legally, he ends up inheriting anyway, an idea which lends itself to the novels Joseph-approved theme of predeterminism/fate.

So I'm not dead-set on any singular interpretation or theory as to Heathcliff's role in the story or the details of his background. Much of his character is inherently mysterious: his race and age are unknown, his family history and origins are unknown, what he was doing for 3 years of Cathy's marriage and how he acquired his wealth are unknown, some of his feelings and motives are highly debatable (as I discussed in my post about his odd dynamics with Cathy 2.0, Isabella, & Hareton: https://www.tumblr.com/burningvelvet/738901817580290048/my-analysis-on-heathcliff-and-his-relationships), & whether English was his first language is also questioned (many people including myself have wondered at the line where we're told he "repeated over and over again some gibberish that nobody could understand," though it could have just been panicked child's speech).

Many academics have noted how Wuthering Heights follows various testaments of the Gothic literary tradition, not only by the involvement of death, violence, ghosts, etc., but also in the use of incestuous themes (whether literal or metaphorical) and the use of the Other in Heathcliff, aided by the mysteries of his origins and his racial ambiguity.

As for Heathcliff not revealing much about his childhood, I believe this part of it could be due to trauma as well as regular childhood amnesia. He may not remember anything. A lot of people don't have many memories from before the age of ~6 anyway — and I just looked it up— his real age is never given but he is believed to be around the same age than Cathy who was described as "hardly six years old." I had thought they were a little older for some reason. He's also said to have been "speaking gibberish" which I once considered may have been indicative of a foreign language and/or accent but now, because of his age and probable low background, it may have been due to his just being very young and maybe unsocialized and shy. It actually makes my heart ache when Nelly describes him :(

Here's an excerpt from chapter 3 describing Heathcliff's childhood:

"He threw himself into a chair, laughing and groaning, and bid them all stand off, for he was nearly killed—he would not have such another walk for the three kingdoms.

'And at the end of it to be flighted to death!' he said, opening his great-coat, which he held bundled up in his arms. 'See here, wife! I was never so beaten with anything in my life: but you must 'en take it as a gift of God; though it's as dark almost as if it came from the devil.'"

We crowded round, and over Miss Cathy's head I had d peep at a dirty, ragged, black-haired child; big enough both to walk and talk: indeed, its face looked older than Catherine's; yet when it was set on its feet, it only stared round, and repeated over and over again some gibberish that nobody could understand. I was frightened, and Mrs. Earnshaw was ready to fling it out of doors: she did fly up, asking how he could fashion to bring that gipsy brat into the house, when they had their own bairns to feed and fend for? What he meant to do with it, and whether he were mad? The master tried to explain the matter; but he was really half dead with fatigue, and all that I could make out, amongst her scolding, was a tale of his seeing it starving, and houseless, and as good as dumb, in the streets of Liverpool, where he picked it up and inquired for its owner. Not a soul knew to whom it belonged, he said; and his money and time being both limited, he thought it better to take it home with him at once, than run into vain expenses there: because he was determined he would not leave it as he found it. Well, the conclusion was, that my mistress grumbled herself calm; and Mr. Earnshaw told me to wash it, and give it clean things, and let it sleep with the children.

Hindley and Cathy contented themselves with looking and listening till peace was restored: then, both began searching their father's pockets for the presents he had promised them. The former was a boy of fourteen, but when he drew out what had been a fiddle, erushed to morsels in the great-coat, he blubbered aloud; and Cathy, when she learned the master had lost her whip in attending on the stranger, showed her humour by grinning and spitting at the stupid little thing; earning for her pains a sound blow from her father, to teach her cleaner manners. They entirely refused to have it in bed with them, or even in their room; and I had no more sense, so I put it on the landing of the stairs, hoping it might be gone on the morrow. By chance, or else attracted by hearing his voice, it crept to Mr. Earnshaw's door, and there he found it on quitting his chamber. Inquiries were made as to how it got there; I was obliged to confess, and in recompense for my cowardice and inhumanity was sent out of the house.

This was Heathcliff's first introduction to the family. On coming back a few days afterwards (for I did not consider my banishment perpetual), I found they had christened him 'Heathcliff': it was the name of a son who died in child-hood, and it has served him ever since, both for Christian and surname. Miss Cathy and he were now very thick; but Hindley hated him: and to say the truth I did the same; and we plagued and went on with him shamefully: for I wasn't reasonable enough to feel my injustice, and the mistress never put in a word on his behalf when she saw him wronged.

He seemed a sullen, patient child; hardened, perhaps, to ill-treatment: he would stand Hindley's blows without winking or shedding a tear, and my pinches moved him only to draw in a breath and open his eyes, as if he had hurt himself by accident, and nobody was to blame. This endurance made old Earnshaw furious, when he discovered his son persecuting the poor fatherless child, as he called him. He took to Heathcliff strangely, believing all he said (for that matter, he said precious little, and generally the truth), and petting him up far above Cathy, who was too mischievous and wayward for a favourite.

So, from the very beginning, he bred bad feeling in the house; and at Mrs. Earnshaw's death, which happened in less than two years after, the young master had learned to regard his father as an oppressor rather than a friend, and Heathcliff as a usurper of his paren's affections and his privileges; and he grew bitter with brooding over these injuries. I sympathised a while; but when the children fell ill of the measles, and I had to tend them, and take on me the cares of a woman at once, I changed my idea. Heathcliff was dangerously sick; and while he lay at the worst he would have me constantly by his pillow: I suppose he felt I did a good deal for him, and he hadn't wit to guess that I was compelled to do it. However, I will say this, he was the quietest child that ever nurse watched over. The difference between him and the others forced me to be less partial. Cathy and her brother harassed me terribly: he was as uncomplaining as a lamb; though hardness, not gentleness, made him give little trouble."

From this excerpt we see that Earnshaw 1) despite being racist toward Heathcliff, is also wildly protective of him - so much so that he kicks Nelly out of the house FOR DAYS for initially not allowing Heathcliff to sleep in his childrens room 2) Earnshaw doesn't like Cathy that much, and prefers Heathcliff over her; later when he dies he has a nice moment with her, but still asks her why she can't be a better child (lol) 3) Earnshaw did not name Heathcliff on his own accord but Heathcliff is named after Earnshaw's own son that died!!! And that says a lot; we're also never really told how Mrs. Earnshaw felt about him being named after her dead kid, or if she had a part in it or not, or if she grew to like Heathcliff too — she just dies soon after - however, I think we can all assume she always favored Hindley over Heathcliff, since we're told Hindley's jealousy grew after her death 4) Heathcliff is described by Earnshaw as a "gift from God" which I find kind of suspicious because Earnshaw struggled so much just to get him home... um, God had no part in that, Mr. - unless he's referring to the kids existence imo. At any rate, if Heathcliff isn't biologically related to Earnshaw, we're still led to have the sense that Heathcliff is sort of predestined to be there 5) Heathcliff was indeed a bit scraggly/unkempt when he arrived, but imo that doesn't mean he was necessarily a homeless orphan; if he did have a mother/family, they probably would have been living in harsh conditions anyway just by being impoverished, and if not, maybe he was just a bit dirty from wandering outside like normal kids do, and like he's so fond of doing anyway on the Moors later on - he could have just been playing outside when this white guy comes along and takes him under his coat! 6) Earnshaw says he asked around for the kids parents and felt obligated to take him on, though the kid was struggling... so yeah, regardless of if he's omitting other info or if he's his father or not, we can infer that he essentially kidnapped Heathcliff.

After re-reading this excerpt, I don't think it's as likely that Earnshaw had seen/known Heathcliff personally prior to his taking him home, but I still don't think any of this totally disproves the theory that Earnshaw could have been lying to Mrs. Earnshaw/omitting certain information.

Why was Mr. Earnshaw in Liverpool to begin with? I and many others often assume it was some sort of a business trip, and it probably was, but after re-reading the part where he leaves, I can't actually find anything to definitively confirm what he was actually there for. He could have been in Liverpool specifically to take Heathcliff with him. Another thing that doesn't make any sense is the fact that he walked all the way there alone: "I’m going to Liverpool today, what shall I bring you? You may choose what you like: only let it be little, for I shall walk there and back: sixty miles each way, that is a long spell!’"

He's then gone for 3 whole days. Meaning according to him, he walked 120 miles in 3 days, half of that while carrying/dragging a struggling small child, who he says he took because it would be his easiest option: "his money and time being both limited, he thought it better to take it home with him at once, than run into vain expenses there."

He's contradicting himself, because if he was so concerned about finances then he never would have taken on another child, as Mrs. Earnshaw immediately supplies (meaning if he was on a mission to retrieve Heathcliff, he didn't tell her): "Mrs. Earnshaw was ready to fling it out of doors: she did fly up, asking how he could fashion to bring that gipsy brat into the house, when they had their own bairns to feed and fend for? What he meant to do with it, and whether he were mad?" Ummmm you're telling me there isn't something a little suspicious or weird about any of this?!

And why would he be walking in the first place when he has horses — was he really so tight on money as to not want to support/feed them on a journey, or did he just not want to be recognized or attract attention, or did he not want to deal with a child riding on a horse for the first time? I assume carriages/wagons were out of the question for costs, and I know people walked a lot back then, especially in rural farmlands, but that is a very long journey as he himself says. What was so important? Did he even go to Liverpool at all? And why did he bundle Heathcliff up as if to hide him? To avoid suspicions about having a bastard child, etc.? And we're told Mrs. Earnshaw was expecting him home earlier, and we get no indication if she knew Mr. Earnshaw's plans or whereabouts.

And why does Mr. Earnshaw act so upbeat and nonchalant about all of this, when we're told he's usually really stern? Ie he supposedly treats Nelly well eg, telling her he'll bring her back fruits on his journey, but then he LOCKS HER OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR MULTIPLE DAYS for not following his orders about putting Heathcliff in the children's room on his first night there.

Where tf did she even go lol? Am I forgetting some part about her family having a nearby house? How far did she have to walk to get there, alone and unaccompanied as a young woman? Probably less than 120 miles in 3 days, but still! He's known Nelly her whole life, and he's supposedly known Heathcliff for a day (in which time Heathcliff has already led him into physical exhaustion), and yet he already prefers Heathcliff over her as well as his own children.

Even excusing Nelly being a narrator of debatable reliability, and being sometimes contradictory & biased against Heathcliff, Mr. Earnshaw's behavior still seems a bit outlandish and it makes sense that Mrs. Earnshaw would ask him if he had gone mad. I course, I may be looking too far into this, but how can I not?

Heathcliff's trauma, his relationship with Mr. Earnshaw, Earnshaw as kidnapper, and race:

I think Heathcliff is certainly severely traumatized. I'm not a psychologist but Nelly's line "hardness, not gentleness, made him give little trouble" is textbook childhood CPTSD, and it is partly due to Earnshaw indeed being a kidnapper with a white saviour/"white man's burden" complex.

I think the following quote by Nelly supports this kidnap view, in that she actually refers to him being kidnapped; Emily may also be encouraging us to speculate on even the most outlandish theories of his origins like Nelly does:

"‘A good heart will help you to a bonny face, my lad,’ I continued, ‘if you were a regular black; and a bad one will turn the bonniest into something worse than ugly. And now that we've done washing, and combing, and sulking—tell me whether you don’t think yourself rather handsome? I'll tell you, I do. You're fit for a prince in disguise. Who knows but your father was Emperor of China, and your mother an Indian queen, each of them able to buy up, with one week’s income, Wuthering Heights and Thrushcross Grange together? And you were kidnapped by wicked sailors and brought to England. Were I in your place, I would frame high notions of my birth; and the thoughts of what I was should give me courage and dignity to support the oppressions of a little farmer!'"

Like in Charlotte's Jane Eyre, Emily also borrows taboo Romantic and Orientalist imagery and racializes the gothic Other figure, because this idea of the foreign/non-white body was a source of anxiety to a lot of white British Victorian readers. This is a popular concept in Gothic literary studies & a lot has been written on it, so I won't go into it too much.

Like Charlotte's Bertha Mason, Linton Heathcliff's identity as being mixed race is essential to his character — in the narrative, him being white-passing is supposed to relate to his identity being more Isabella/Linton (as also evidenced by his name) and less Heathcliff's, who is disappointed not to see his own resemblance in his son.

Since we seriously don't know Heathcliff's true origins, we can't ascertain his ethnicity (given his descriptions/epithets/Nelly's speculations, he is likely fully or part Roma, South-Asian, or African), and we can't tell if he or his family/mother were highborn, enslaved, or simply free, but we do know that slavery was still very active in England in the late 1700s when Heathcliff is a child, and his hometown Liverpool was the center of the slave trade, so connections to slavery either ancestrally or during his hiatus (a popular theory, explored in the book Heathcliff: the Lost Years by David Drum) are possible.

More evidence for the theory of Heathcliff having a previous history of child abuse and unknown early trauma, possibly relating to the slave trade (which doesn't necessarily discount the Earnshaw parentage theory either imo, and if anything may make it more likely if his reasoning for taking Heathcliff was that he wouldn't want his biological son enslaved) — is the portion where Nelly describes Heathcliff and how he initially took Hindley's abuse stoically:

". . . a sullen, patient child; hardened, perhaps, to ill-treatment: he would stand Hindley's blows without winking or shedding a tear, and my pinches moved him only to draw in a breath and open his eyes, as if he had hurt himself by accident, and nobody was to blame. This endurance made old Earnshaw furious, when he discovered his son persecuting the poor fatherless child, as he called him. He took to Heathcliff strangely . . ."

When Nelly adds that Earnshaw called Heathcliff "poor fatherless child," I see this as ironic whether Earnshaw is his biological father or not, since he is still the closest thing he has to any sort of "father figure" nominally, and symbolically in line with the view of Earnshaw as flawed micro-colonizer. In the act of standing up for Heathcliff over his own teenage son and future master of the house, he is basically acting as a pseudo-father preferring one son over another; for Hindley, the blow is deepened by Heathcliff not being Earnshaw's son in name.

For clarity's sake, whenever I refer to Mr. Earnshaw as Heathcliff's unofficially adoptive father or father figre, I do so sort of hesitatingly. Mr. Earnshaw/Heathcliff do not have a regular father/son dynamic; we're told that Heathcliff did not embrace but rather fought Mr. Earnshaw the entire 60 miles back to the Heights.

Surely the above may be hyperbole, but we must keep in mind that Mr. Earnshaw's gifts for Cathy/Hindley/Nelly were lost or destroyed in the process: most symbolically, Mr. Earnshaw's struggle to obtain Heathcliff led to Hindley's fiddle being broken, Cathy's whip being lost, and we're never told what happened to Nelly's gift of fruit, but we can assume it was lost or never got to be obtained as a result of his preoccupation.

Heathcliff's relationship with Mr. Earnshaw is complicated because of the racial power imbalance & as I said, Earnshaw having a white saviour complex & basically kidnapping Heathcliff despite (or so we're told) not fully knowing if Heathcliff had a family or not. Most important are Heathcliff's own feelings about the situation; Earnshaw's wild affection is clear.

We're told by Nelly's observations that Heathcliff clearly did not have a great love for Earnshaw: "I wondered often what my master saw to admire so much in the sullen boy; who never, to my recollection, repaid his indulgence by any sign of gratitude. He was not insolent to his benefactor, he was simply insensible; though knowing perfectly the hold he had on his heart, and conscious he had only to speak and all the house would be obliged to bend to his wishes."

When Mr. Earnshaw was dying, Heathcliff was sitting with Cathy who was singing to Earnshaw. When they realize Earnshaw has finally passed, Heathcliff seems to genuinely grieve as equally as Cathy (Hindley is at college at this time):

"The poor thing discovered her loss directly — she screamed out — 'Oh, he's dead, Heathcliff! he's dead!' And they both set up a heart-breaking cry." Later when Nelly returns from getting help: "I ran to the children's room: their door was ajar, I saw they had never lain down, though it was past midnight; but they were calmer, and did not need me to console them. The little souls were comforting each other with better thoughts than I could have hit on: no parson in the world ever pictured heaven so beautifully as they did, in their innocent talk . . ."

Yet we also know by Heathcliff's odd dynamics with Nelly and Hareton, and even by some of his behavior around Catherine I (who is the only person that most of us can agree he really loves), we can see that, probably due to trauma, Heathcliff does not know how to show affection "normally."

By his earlier disconnected reactions to Hindley's abuse, we can see that early on he had trouble reacting to negative emotions as well, which probably led him to his later emotional dysregulation & bursts of rage/frustration, which make complete sense in his situation and are why we can still often sympathize with him in his path of vengeance, even despite his abusiveness.

So we do not know the full extent of Heathcliff's feelings toward Mr. Earnshaw, and whether he truly had deep affection for him or somewhat resented him, but whatever his feelings were, they were clearly complex. As we all know, Heathcliff is capable of feeling very strongly, and when he does, he is usually vocal about it (see: literally most of his dialogue). He can't go 30 seconds without roasting someone lol. But he is oddly ambivalent and quiet about Earnshaw.

You could also (& countless academics have) argue that Earnshaw/the Earnshaw family is essentially a microcosm of colonization, Heathcliff is symbolically captured/enslaved by Mr. Earnshaw (which highlights how white saviourism is oxymoronic), and then actually becomes almost literally enslaved by Hindley later on.

On Heathcliff and Hindley:

Both are extremely flawed. Both are wildly in love with women who die from labor, both become abusive single fathers, both are defined by their grief and feelings of revenge, both want to kill each other all throughout the story, both actually try to do so to varying extents. Heathcliff saves Hareton from Hindley's negligence by catching him, Hindley saves Isabella from Heathcliff's abuse by tackling the latter (in what I think is one of the novels best sequences, Isabella's narration of the period of Heathcliff and Hindley's fighting and her escape). Heathcliff's bond with Hareton, like Hindley's bond with Isabella, is both manipulative and touching in turns. Ditto for their bonds to Nelly.

Many people believe Heathcliff had a role to play, directly or indirectly, in Hindley's death. Evidence for this: 1) teen Heathcliff wishes Hindley could drink himself to death but acknowledges doctor Kenneth says he won't: "‘It’s a pity he cannot kill himself with drink,’ observed Heathcliff, muttering an echo of curses back when the door was shut. ‘He’s doing his very utmost; but his constitution defies him. Mr. Kenneth says he would wager his mare that he’ll outlive any man on this side Gimmerton, and go to the grave a hoary sinner; unless some happy chance out of the common course befall him.’" 2) later, Kenneth remarks to Nelly that "He's barely twenty-seven, it seems; that's your own age: who would have thought you were born in one year?'" 3) Joseph once accused Heathcliff of attempting to murder Hindley during their fight ("And so ye've been murthering on him?") - in which Isabella said Heathcliff had to barely restrain himself from not killing Hindley. Joseph later adds suspicion to Hindley's death when, after Heathcliff explains to Nelly how Hindley had been suffering from the effects of alcoholism but died suddenly in the morning, Joseph "confirmed this statement, but muttered: "I'd rayther he'd goan hisseln for t' doctor! I sud ha' taen tent o' t' maister better nor him—and he warn't deead when I left, naught o' t' soart!'" (trans. from WH Reader's Guide site: "'I'd rather he'd gone himself for the doctor! I would have taken care of the master better than him—and he wasn't dead when I left, nothing of the sort!'"). So Heathcliff told Joseph to fetch Kenneth which left Heathcliff alone with Hindley, who was then dead when Joseph/Kenneth arrived.

My own theory is that Hindley probably choked on his own vomit (a common form of death by addiction) because of Heathcliff's description of he and Joseph finding Hindley "snorting like a horse; and there he was, laid over the settle: flaying and scalping would not have wakened him." It is after this that Heathcliff is alone with Hindley and he dies. Heathcliff can be seen as guilty through inaction imo, though he would justify it by saying he was letting nature take its course.

Heathcliff and Hindley take turns enslaving each other throughout the story. Hindley's seniority, legitimacy, and race give him advantages, while Heathcliff's early favoritism by Mr. Earnshaw and his later accrual of wealth, wit, and strength give him some advantages. We're told by Nelly (and she's biased, but she's the main source we have) that Hindley bullied Heathcliff immediately, to which Heathcliff weaponized Mr. Earnshaw in his favor, as evidenced by the horse scene.

If, when Hindley returned to become master of Wuthering Heights after Mr. Earnshaw's death, his wife Frances had taken a liking to Heathcliff, or if Hindley had simply matured in his time away — in other words, if Hindley had decided to grow up and let bygones be bygones — I wonder if Heathcliff would have done the same, and decided to be peaceful & not to continue their childhood rivalry.

The bulk of Heathcliff's lust for revenge really stems from Hindley's treatment of him after Mr. Earnshaw's death, when Hindley, as the new Mr. Earnshaw, really does follow through on that childhood promise during the horse scene to use his wealth/power/independence to render Heathcliff miserable, and to turn him out or keep him enslaved. Possibly at the beckoning of Frances (which I mention later,) Hindley succeeds in fulfilling this childish power fantasy, and this is partly what inspires Heathcliff to obtain the means of flipping the script and later rendering Hindley a weakened dependent.

Although Hindley is racist/absorbed his parents racism, note that Catherine was not/did not, and so Hindley's true hatred of Heathcliff imo is more motivated by jealousy/envy for his father's affection than it is anything else, & his own feelings of inadequacy & self-hatred which likely would have existed anyway & were just fuelled by being "usurped" in his father's affection.

I really blame Mr. (& Mrs., though we sadly have so little insight into her character) Earnshaw for Hindley/Heathcliff's rivalry, because I feel like we can assume Mrs. Earnshaw must have favored Hindley more when Mr. Earnshaw started favoring Heathcliff, considering Hindley's hatred increased after the grief from his mother's death, — and this favoritism & parental split is bound to deepen the split between their favorites.

Hindley's hatred of Heathcliff really increased after his father & then his wife's deaths (meaning he had prolonged complex grief), which I'm assuming compounded & brought back his feelings of his original grief for his mother, resulting in further hatred of Heathcliff who had nothing to do with any of it but whose arrival Hindley just subconsciously associated with his mother's illness/death & his father's emotional abandonment (which we could consider a mental death which took place before his physical death; imo Hindley's whole character is defined by grief).

To enhance their pseudo-brotherly rivalry, which some may say is reminiscent of Abel/Cain (especially if you believe the theory/opinion that Heathcliff murdered Hindley or was otherwise in any part to blame for his death), we again have the fact that Heathcliff was named after Hindley's dead brother.

Heathcliff is actually Heathcliff 2.0, and maybe it was Mr. Earnshaw's grief that led him to use Heathcliff 2.0 as a replacement child the way Hindley uses Mrs. Earnshaw 2.0 as a replacement mother.

All throughout the story we have people being named after each other and taking on each other's roles, ie the whole 1st/2nd generation parallels (we could extend it to be 1st/2nd/3rd since I've highlighted the narrative importance of Mr./Mrs. Earnshaw), Linton Heathcliff, Cathy 1.0/2.0. — but we know nothing about Heathcliff 1.0 other than that he died in childhood.

Was he Catherine's age, younger, or older? Did Catherine see Heathcliff as a replacement brother? Did Heathcliff 1.0 die before Catherine was born? Was he Hindley's age? Did Hindley already have grief/trauma from Heathcliff 1.0's death and resent Heathcliff 2.0 for usurping not only him, but his dead brother's place?

We're told that "the family" gave Heathcliff 2.0 his name, but I assume Mrs. Earnshaw and Hindley may not have been involved due to us never seeing that they care for him — and Joseph may have had a role in it, but he's also rarely thoughtful, and Nelly was gone — so could Cathy have suggested the name Heathcliff? (which brings to my mind Edward Rochester telling Jane Eyre to "give him his name" when he proposes to her, asking her to call him "Edward" — this would be poetic of Catherine/Heathcliff's relationship).

The meaning of the names Heathcliff/Hindley are very similar; they also share the same initials, syllable count, and the "ee" sound. Heathcliff is a combination of "heath" (a synonym for "moor"; what he and Cathy love to roave on) and "cliff." In meaning, apparently (according to some sources on Ancestry.com) Hindley is a habitational name from hind 'hind, female deer' and lēah 'woodland clearing' — which is basically another way of saying heath/moor. So there is a lot of similarity in their names, and this tainted brotherly theme, both of which must have been intentional.

Regardless of whether Heathcliff & Hindley are foster brothers or half-brothers, this naming choice is still a sign that Heathcliff was predestined to be part of the family, and lends itself to the other themes of predeterminism in that Heathcliff ends up becoming the master of the Heights after Hindley the way he would have if he were his biological brother.

Mr. Earnshaw telling Hindley he'd bring him back any gift he chose, and then returning with that gift having been broken by Heathcliff, are ample reasons to explain the hatred that moody 14-year-old Hindley immediately feels for him, who was about half his age and therefore an impractical playmate. He is more like a new sibling, and like an older sibling, Hindley is horrified at being overshadowed by the family's new addition. Since we don't know whether Hindley knew or was close to Heathcliff 1.0, we can hesitantly assume he may have been upset by the naming.

On Heathcliff, Hindley, and Frances:

I would like to briefly touch more on Hindley's wife's death (so closely followed by his fathers death) bringing up feelings of his mothers death. Hindley's wife Frances Earnshaw is the second Mrs. Earnshaw and she only comes to the house right after Mr. Earnshaw dies. I believe Hindley parallels his father, Frances parallels his mother (so like many men, he metaphorically "married his mother"), and that Frances also has some similarities to Heathcliff.

Frances has an unknown origin story and Hindley keeps her background from his father on purpose, and this could have been intended to parallel the first Mr. Earnshaw from possibly keeping Heathcliff's origins vague: "What she was, and where she was born, he never informed us: probably, she had neither money nor name to recommend her, or he would scarcely have kept the union from his father."

Frances also immediately dislikes Heathcliff... just like Hindley's mother, the first Mrs. Earnshaw, did: "Mrs. Earnshaw was ready to fling it out of doors: she did fly up, asking how he could fashion to bring that gipsy brat into the house, when they had their own bairns to feed and fend for? What he meant to do with it, and whether he were mad?"

We don't know why Frances dislikes Heathcliff, but it wouldn't be a stretch to assume it has to do with his race & status, because it is only after her disapproval that Hindley banishes Heathcliff to the role of a servant/slave, we can assume. We can also assume Frances disliked Heathcliff from the beginning, since we're never told that she took a liking to him like she initially does with Catherine; we are only ever told she dislikes him:

"She expressed pleasure, too, at finding a sister among her new acquaintance; and she prattled to Catherine, and kissed her, and ran about with her, and gave her quantities of presents, at the beginning. Her affection tired very soon, however, and when she grew peevish, Hindley became tyrannical. A few words from her, evincing a dislike to Heathcliff, were enough to rouse in him all his old hatred of the boy. He drove him from their company to the servants, deprived him of the instructions of the curate, and insisted that he should labour out of doors instead; compelling him to do so as hard as any other lad on the farm."

It is after the last quote that we learn Cathy and Heathcliff become increasingly "feral" outdoors, as Heathcliff is forced to toil in outdoor labor, and Cathy insists on keeping him company while he's at it. At this point they are both essentially orphaned, and then neglected and abandoned by Hindley and Frances, the new Mr. and Mrs. Earnshaw, who take on the roles of the former Mr. and Mrs. Earnshaw, who were similarly neglectful and emotionally abandoning to their children.

On Cathy and Heathcliff:

In the beginning, Lockwood reads this diary entry from Catherine I which proves the prior analysis in that she compares Mr. Earnshaw 1.0 to Mr. Earnshaw 2.0 (Hindley):

""An awful Sunday,' commenced the paragraph beneath. 'I wish my father were back again. Hindley is a detestable substitute — his conduct to Heathcliff is atrocious – H. and I are going to rebel — we took our initiatory step this evening."

Notice how in the death of Mr. Earnshaw and then under the tyranny of Hindley (Mr. Earnshaw 2.0), Cathy and Heathcliff are often sharing each other's emotions, and their bond is very twin-like. They both cry & grieve in their room in unison after Earnshaw dies, and although Heathcliff is the one primarily sentenced to torment by Hindley, Cathy doesn't abandon him to it and instead often keeps him company in his punishment, recalling when she was younger and her father would try to keep Heathcliff away from her to punish her.

Even when Cathy does sort of abandon Heathcliff to marry Edgar, in her speech after Heathcliff leaves, she says that her plan was to use her control over Edgar to benefit Heathcliff, so she really never intended to abandon him at all. Abandonment, attachment issues, separation, loss, grief, being torn away from someone/somewhere/something, are all major themes in this story, often expressed by familial and more often filial experiences.

Cathy and Heathcliff's relationship basically embodies all these themes the most poignantly, in that Heathcliff abandons her because he thinks she's abandoning him and he can't bear it and would rather leave than be left; then as soon as he returns, Cathy ends up actually physically abandoning him by dying! And later on, her ghost taunts him (I believe most of us can take the ghost plot as canon & not hallucinatory considering how many characters attest to it), and he once again returns to her like he did before.

Their whole relationship is about overcoming obstacles to separation, and being determined to retain their attachment as an act of defiance (even if it means defying life, death, physics, etc.) — this is why they're considered the most romantic couple in literature even despite their awful behavior most of the time, because in writing/literary pedagogy as a general rule it is almost always the goal of romantic leads to overcome obstacles which separate them from their lover, – and Heathcliff and Cathy take this goal to a new level by overcoming not only their childhood punishments of separation from one another, but overcoming the impossible obstacles of LIFE AND DEATH to reunite in the spirit realm where no one can separate them again — not even God.

Both Catherine and Heathcliff say that they know they won't go to heaven; God literally doesn't want them, and he has abandoned them, and this is the ultimate abandonment/seperation. Thus, all they have in the universe is each other — and if their relationship didn't work in life, they're determined to make it work in death!

Some final thoughts on Mr. Earnshaw and the making of Heathcliff:

Due to all of my previous explanations, I consider Mr. Earnshaw a possibly well-intentioned man but who ultimately failed all of his children (along with Mrs. Earnshaw) by 1) emotionally neglecting/abandoning Catherine because she was a "bad child" & acted more boyish than Hindley, 2) emotionally neglecting/abandoning Hindley in favor of Heathcliff (and maybe it was partly because Hindley was becoming a moody teenager and Heathcliff was comparatively younger/easier to handle bc of his trauma-induced subdued nature, but whatever his reasoning, it had disastrous consequences), 3) emotionally neglecting Heathcliff too by not being involved enough in his integration with the family & not checking in on him and Hindley, 4) straight up just not being that involved to begin with and not seeming to teach his children anything, hence why they're all bratty and grow up to be deeply maladjusted.

Notice how Nelly's motivational speeches to Heathcliff, and her taking care of him when he was sick, have an extraordinary affect on him, meaning Mr. and Mrs. Earnshaw probably didn't show him even half as much attention or real affection. Like most English fathers at the time, Earnshaw thought his job as father/master was to merely provide provisions, leave the children with the women to be actually raised, and be done with it. The most unique thing he does in his life, and indeed his whole role in the story, is bringing home Heathcliff.

Maybe most importantly, I also just realized that Earnshaw kidnapping Heathcliff parallels Heathcliff kidnapping his own son after Isabella dies (and also him kidnapping his daughter-in-law Cathy II), and while this narrative parallel works if Earnshaw is merely Heathcliff's adoptive father, it also could be working to suggest that Earnshaw was his biological father, knew Heathcliff's mother had died, and so went back for him and took him by force. If Heathcliff's mother had recently died (or been separated from him), this would have compounded his trauma of being taken by Earnshaw, and this would have furthered his childhood memory loss, which could be another reason why I don't think Heathcliff remembers very much about his origins.

Heathcliff has much in common with Frankenstein's creaure. Yet, he is essentially a self-made man, his own creator and creature. We are even led to think of him as inhuman, as Isabella suggests with her referring to him as such and even calling him vampiric. And he does bear a lot of similarity to John Polidori's Lord Ruthven, from the first vampire novel The Vampyre (a Byronic tale, based on Byron's short story Augustus Darvell). Heathcliff's canonically mysterious origins and mysterious hiatus are necessary to his character; like Isabella and Nelly, we're supposed to question him and form our own opinions on the matter.

[thyluvcupix]

Sakuatsu fic recs!

im very picky on what i label to be a 'good fic' most of the ones are amazing but only a few will get bookmarkerd by me and here they are! My ao3 acc that has many more book marks mostly nsfw i diddnt put here

1

A liar's truth 49k words

okay this one is just breathtaking? if you havent read this pls do i cried sm😭

summary:

In which Sakusa Kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but then takes one look at Miya Atsumu and thinks, then why the hell did God make them so fucking hot?

2

I'll see you in court, motherfucker 2k words

its short and funny def worth a read if you wanna giggle

Summary:

“You’re still a fraud. You’re—you’re a scammer, is what you are. I don’t know how you convinced the hospital administration that you’re my husband, or that we even have a relationship, but I have—” Fuck, what’s the word? “Lawyers,” Kiyoomi says triumphantly, “I have lawyers, and if you’re trying to con me for some ulterior motive, I’ll have you know—” “Oh my god, Omi,” Miya says, sounding equal parts exasperated and horribly fond. “How can you be so cute?”

A pleasant side effect of being down one vestigial organ is forgetting the existence of your hot Olympic athlete husband

3

The 28 post cards you left me 8k words

Honestly, if i ever break up with someone this is exactly what i want from them? Like omg?? pls send me post cards, Super cute

Summary:

Atsumu takes texting your ex to a new level by sending Sakusa postcards in Animal Crossing instead.

4

The art of the thrist trap 4k words

naughty naughty, but other than that this fic is so funny? like ask ur brother how to rizz someone up

Summary:

“Samu, I’ve got a big problem.”

“Here we fuckin’ go. What is it this time?”

Atsumu needs to think strategically about how he’s going to phrase this. One wrong word and Osamu will hang up on him and Atsumu will be forced to wade through the hell of his own mind by himself.

“I jerked off to one of my teammates.”

Osamu hangs up.

5

Problem 5k words

super cute sleepy omi is something else

Summary:

Atsumu has a problem— somehow, he finds every version of Sakusa Kiyoomi adorable.

In which Atsumu realizes that Sakusa Kiyoomi gets very quiet and very adorable when he's tired. Things simply go downhill from there.

6

Take me where the music aint to loud 2k words

Protetive sakusa>>

Summary:

Winning against the Adlers must have meant something of a great deal to Sakusa, as usually he wouldn’t even consider going out with the rest of his team after the game.

Yet, here he is, in a somewhat crowded club, wearing a black button up shirt rolled up around his wrists and sweating a little under the bright lights.

Atsumu thinks he looks beautiful.

He wanders over to where Sakusa is standing with Meian, hoping that tonight, with a little bit of influence from alcohol, he might be able to get more conversation out of him than he can usually get outside of practice.

But of course, Atsumu can’t have anything good, ever. Because, blocking the way is his ex-boyfriend.

--

or; atsumu runs into his ex in the club, and sakusa has to rescue him

7

ROAD RAGE 2k words

This is funny on so many levels poor atsumu he fears for his life

Summary:

For a man who preaches at any given opportunity about the importance of good self-care practices, Sakusa certainly displays an astounding lack of self-preservation when behind the wheel.

Sakusa Kiyoomi has a driver’s license. Sakusa Kiyoomi cannot drive.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

8

The ascent to love (or descent) 3k words

Im always a sucker for hurt/comfort and this fic gives me that, its also funny as well so its a win-win type thing

Summary:

Stuck in an elevator with his boyfriend after a fight, Sakusa Kiyoomi couldn't think of anything worse. Working through their issues?  Maybe he could think of one thing.

9

Take me home 10k words

i just cannont stress how good this is, like its soul healing on so may levels gosh

Summary:

Turns out, Miya Atsumu never did a good thing in his life – his love was one-sided. And so, he was running away, hoping to meet some friendly people, take a bunch of pretty pictures and get over Kita Shinsuke.

In which Miya Atsumu is an exchange student in Italy, and Sakusa Kiyoomi is the only one knowing Japanese, forced to take care of the new student.

10

Hope is the thing with feathers 10k words

Two dummies taking care of some birds is honestly to good

Summary:

Kiyoomi wakes to Miya banging on his door, yelling words that put the fear of god in him.

“Omi-kun, get out here, we’re gonna be fathers.”

11

In the stars 1k words

In all honesty it made me think of the other side of love i never thought about

Summary:

Miya Atsumu is a romantic. He always had been. He believes in soulmates and destiny and true love in the stars. Sakusa Kiyoomi believes none of that.

My ao3↵

[emojifarm]

while i don't think you should feel obligated to share or reblog any emojis you don't want to, i think rethinking how you feel about MCYTbrs is important, since there's so many people on minecraft youtube.

minecraft is an endlessly popular game, and there's thousands or maybe even near millions of minecraft youtubers out there.

it's not MCYT in itself that's a problem, its the popular ones that get called out that are, but since minecraft (and minecraft youtube) is so popular, it seems like everyone in minecraft youtube is bad.

but i think you shouldn't say you "do not support those people in any sense.", since that continues the stigma against liking MCYT in general.

minecraft youtubers are just popular because minecraft is popular, there are so many minecraft youtubers that do so much good (ex, technoblade, who's helped raise so much money for sarcoma, even after his passing, and who's inspired and motivated many)

then again, people use MCYT to mean "the dream team and the abusive people they enable" instead of encompassing the many others who aren't even related to the dream team / dream SMP.

this is quite a rambly ask, but as someone who loves certain MCYTbrs, it's tiring to see people say they don't support any mcytbrs, when like... there's such a diverse population. there's some people who might count as minecraft youtubers who are minorities and who try to fight against bigotry and stuff and who don't do weird shit and to say MCYT in general includes them, even if you don't mean to.

although, again, you don't have to reblog any emojis you don't want to, especially since MCYT is a very large label and that CAN include people who are bad, and it's hard to know who's good and who's not, especially with youtubers in general since we only know the persona they put on, and how many there are that you probably know nothing about, let alone if they're an abuser or w/e, but... yeah.

i guess to me it's important since its like saying all actors are bad, when there's many actors who aren't bad people but there's a popular amount that are bad, n such. also mcyt just stands for minecraft youtube, or minecraft youtuber(s), so its like saying roblox youtubers or reaction youtubers, they're a category that has so, so many people that count under that. you can't say you don't support any of them.

unless you literally just dont like minecraft and dont support the game as a whole, or youtube itself as a whole, in which case i'd have more questions but it'd be more correct lmao. also sorry for the ramble i have opinions u dont have to answer this

I knew I'd get someone like this in my ask box when I put my opinion out there 🤦

1. There are literally clips out there of Technoblade saying slurs (including the N word) and him encouraging Dream to do things that have ultimately made others on the team uncomfortable and upset. You definitely need a better example than that. Someone being dead and/or giving to charity does not automatically make them a good person. I'm sure Shane Dawson also gives to charities. We all know JK Rowling does too. Doesn't make them good people.

2. I don't have the time, care, or interest to do research on every single MCYT and it's really only the popular ones that do get emojis of them (with some exceptions, obviously). I only know what I do about the Dream Team and those adjacent because of things I've seen on Tumblr, via friends talking on discord, and some of the YouTubers I watch breaking down the situations. (Also, this low-key comes off the same as "not all men". Like. Yeah, that's true, but that's not who I was referring to. Some of the MCYT I'm referring to aren't a part of the Dream Team either, so I feel comfortable using the broad term)

3. Also, the mansplaining wasn't necessary. I'm not an idiot that lives under a rock. I know what MCYT stands for. As I previously said, I'm not making a broad assumption. I'm just using that term to refer to the people that people think of with that term. To me that's a specific subset of Minecraft creators. I don't consider people that just so happen to do Minecraft videos or streams to fall under that. To me MCYT is just the big ones. It's a title. That's typically what people are referring to when they use that title

4. Also, I've literally played Minecraft and watched others play it on YouTube since it came out when I was like 10 years old. Again. I don't live under a rock. I've just put some distance between me and the creators because I keep hearing bad things. It's not that deep.

[lavender-wiitch]

If honura is a wiling avatar of the web then she coerced madoka into unknowingly becoming an avatar of the extinction, in this essay you already have

DAMN THAT'S SO INTERESTING WAIT A SEC

(for those who aren't aware this is further exploration on something i wrote based on a @wouldtheybecomeafearavatar poll where some people are categorically incorrect in labeling homura as an extinction avatar rather than a web one)

i began thinking further on what you said, and 1) the nature of madoka's powers, 2) her goals and 3) what would feed an entity through her — makes it particularly tricky to pintpoint which fear she'd serve. i was making an entire essay here exploring the possibilities (mainly through an extinction, end, eye and desolation lens) and my brain hurt.

we know that one of homura's main goals is for madoka to NOT engage with the horrors™ much less become a part of them, but her rewinds inadvertently make madoka more and more powerful each loop, which could translate into madoka being marked by a fear more intensely each time. a fear strongly characterized by inevitability, which is what homura is trying to prevent.

madoka's powers as a god are very intrinsically related to the dichotomies of death and rebirth, hope and despair. the way she finds to prevent magical girls from becoming witches is to welcome them to their end before they get the chance to transform. she absorbs their despair, which could mean feeding off of fear and torment, even if it means taking it away from others and placing the burden on her. paradoxically, since she is also a magical girl, that means she'd have to absorb her own misery, which is what prompts the reinvention of reality. magical girls themselves aren't erased, but witches are technically replaced by wraiths as the beings magical girls must fight. they are distortions of madoka's cause and effect of her wish.

what we also know is that fear entities do not give a rat's ass about bringing the peace madoka wishes for humanity. in one way or another, her wish could be warped for the sake of spreading fear. perhaps, in a TMA world, no matter what entity she'd serve, the implications of madoka's wish are even more tragic (as if PMMM wasn't tragic enough!). her unwilling transformation into an avatar inplies the loss/corruption of her humanity and of the very compassion that she feels for the world and its denizens. her hope, which is something so embedded in her core, could get corrupted into something worse (perhaps an extinction interpretation would imply worse consequences for her actions and what magical girls could end up becoming; and a desolation interpretation would reinforce the law of cycles — creating more hope means creating greater grief to absorb and feed on). maybe it would prompt her to seek out more misery, despair and grief to feed on, even if she doesn't want to be an agent of pain, at least not initially. jon didn't want to become someone who takes pleasure and nourishment from violating people's privacy. maybe becoming a concept means a near total loss of what used to make her human, and her motivations would merely become twisted echoes of what they used to be.

imagine the guilt and pain homura would feel. damn all of this would make an awesome AU.

from this point on we can ask a few questions: what her motivations and struggles are (i.e. granting people hope, comfort and release from further eternal misery in life / feeling powerless to stop the horrors™ from dooming the magical girls' fate) and which fear would she cause or feed off of through her motivation and powers, which would have to be warped in some way for them to work for the main purpose of an entity: spreading fear.

an extinction approach would lean more on the rebirth themes and the aspect of replacing witches with wraiths, whether their creation was intentional or not from madoka's part. a terminus route would touch on her new role as this cosmic magical girl grim reaper/psychopomp of sorts, the comfort she offers being twisted somehow into something horrible. a desolation approach would have plenty of dramatic irony, as it highlights how madokami absorbs despair and grief and would feed on the exact feelings of devastation and loss that magical girls are doomed to feel as a consequence of the hope deposited in their wishes. her self-sacrificial nature becomes her downfall as she carries this burden, burns for the sake of others and becomes the most powerful witch (source of despair and torment) of all.

all of these aspects of her powers could be warped into something in favor of these fears and that could corrupt or destroy her as we know her. the thing would be knowing which one would claim her against her will.

what i'm certain of is that the story that would come out of TMA madohomu would be absolutely DEVASTATING and i am HERE for it.

[peachjagiya]

I think Jungkook being key also plays his role in head vs heart dillema. Tae is generally ignored by company until they want to label him as "other" as you mentioned. So he can tell them to f*** off easily, it's also in his nature. But when it comes to Jungkook he is the main vocalist, not only the company demands he listens to them but members too. I have noticed Jungkook sticking to company narrative (2016-2019 except some parts) like his life depends on it all because it's a 5:1 position tbh. He also didn't want to disappoint Army. I am not claiming members were against taekook or their closeness but they are now much more liberal in how they handle taekook which is understandable coz everyone has given their everything for this life so it makes sense for them to stick to company narrative. That's why I think the stricter duty to keep taekook separated lies more heavily on Jungkook than Tae. I personally observe this with how he tries to balance taekook with bh jkks narrative. if partly things are natural because of their bond, other part is careful and deliberate strategy. Sorry to those who think their idols can't lie and play it up for cameras.

I am just gonna be ticked off if company continues their jkk are in love narrative because

1. They aren't kids anymore.

2. Jmn and jungkook looks super cute when they act naturally and don't play up for the camera

3. It's gonna harm Tae more n more

4. Jungkook gonna always be in a tight position.

5. More fan wars.

6. It's sick.

This all feels spot on to me.

I do want to reiterate, and you've made this point here, I don't think it makes any of them bad people to adhere closer to what their company wants. We don't know their motivations or goals. It might really work for them in a way it doesn't work for Taehyung or maybe JK. And considering the livelihood afforded to them by the company, I wouldn't blame a single one of them for playing the game.

I don't want to come off critical of JK, I think I've made it clear I love the hell out of him, but I do think he gave the impression of running hot and cold with Tae in the middle. I always put down to interpersonal drama but I do wonder now if it was more push and pull and extreme pressure on him to play his part whilst also wanting to be authentic with Tae. Again he was 14 when he joined Bighit. It's a LOT to rally against the life of nearly your entire teens and whole adult life and I'm frankly staggered, and admiring, that he's managed to push back at all.

Sorry to those who think their idols can't lie and play it up for cameras.

Yeah. And again, it's not the mark of a bad person. PR/marketing strategies are in place to protect as much as promote. Imagine they just had free rein to say whatever about anything. It would be chaos. I don't think every thing they say is a lie, and broadly I think the stories have a significant grain of truth to them, but there's definitely omissions and slight bending of reality. That's just basic PR. Think about any celeb doing the promotional rounds on chat shows and press junkets. They'll have a couple of stories in the bag to pull out. It's not lies, it's just safe and easy.

And yes, I do think JKK is fanservice-y but possibly helped along by genuine friendship and Jimin's touchy feeliness.

I am just gonna be ticked off if company continues their jkk are in love narrative

Yeuuupppp. I just don't fancy seeing men in their 30s/late 20s pretending anything really. Especially not when I quite strongly believe one of them is going to be hurt by the narratives.

The "characters" they fit into are cute-ish when they're younger but I really just want to see them as real 3D people with genuine flaws and personalities. Because they all shine when they get to be themselves and behave genuinely.

I think it's heading that way? I hope it is.

Thanks anon! 💜

[tobias-carrick-appreciation-week]

Tobias Carrick Appreciation Week

EVENT MASTERLIST

Dr. Tobias Carrick here! Thanks for checking out my event. I'm used to being checked out, but this is a whole new way. It's long overdue if you ask me! But you know what they say, good things come to those who wait, and there are a whole lot of good things planned, and I can't wait to see what you come up with.

I'm gonna let the event's mod @jerzwriter take over from here. If you've got any questions, just talk to her... she'll take care of you! 😉

Welcome to Tobias Carrick Appreciation Week!

Tobias's character was woefully underutilized in Open Heart, but their loss is our gain. Why? Because it left us with an intriguing character that we can largely make our own. This week - take the time to share YOUR VERSION of Tobias and how he fits in your OH world.

All types of fanwork, old and new, will be accepted for this event. So send us your fics, headcanons, artwork, edits, moodboards, you name it! If it's Tobias related, it can be shared.

Day 1 - Saturday, April 1 - Where did this guy come from? Info & Templates for Day 1 We know little about his background. Tell us where he grew up. What about his family, life before Hopkins, and how it made him who he is today.

Day 2 - Sunday, April 2 - The Hopkins Years and Beyond Info & Templates for Day 2 Here's your chance to flesh out canon. Tell us about the rise & fall of his friendship with Ethan. What was the story of their mutual crush? What kind of student was he? What was his rep? And what happened to him during the years between Hopkins and when we met him again in Book 2? Day 2 can be anything from these years.

Day 3 - Monday, April 3 - OH Book 2 What did you like/dislike about Tobias in Book 2? What did canon miss? What was up with June? What did he think of MC, and vice versa? What are your HCs about this time?

Day 4 - Tuesday, April 4 - OH Book 3 How did that job offer come about? What was his motivation, and did it change? How did you see his relationship with Ethan change? Was he friends (or more) with your MC in your HC? What did canon miss?

Day 5 - Wednesday, April 5 - After Hours: Romance / Personal Life Info & Templates for Day 5 What did Tobias do when he was off the clock? Did he have friends he hung out with regularly? See his family? Did he date? Hobbies? This category is broad - use your imagination! 😏

Day 6 - Thursday, April 6 - Doctor Tobias Carrick What kind of doctor was he? Was he respected? Published? Did he teach? What made him tick? Contrast how he mentored interns/residents with Ethan's style.

Day 7 - Friday, April 7 - All About the Future Where do you see Tobias when the series ends? In the near and distant future. How did his career progress? Did he settle down? How'd that work out for him? Any part of his future.

Day 8 - WAIT! That's over a week! Yep, but Tobias can be a rule-breaker, and so is this event! Saturday, April 8 - Masterlists and ANYTHING GOES If you have a Tobias Carrick Masterlist, share it with us! Also, share anything related to Dr. Carrick or his world.

Sunday, April 9th Event Masterlist will be posted

Rules and Guidelines:

Please tag @tobias-carrick-appreciation-week on your post or reblog for your work to be included.

Make sure your work has a rating, and if it is NSFW or Mature, please make sure it is labeled as so.

Please use a :readmore: / page break to avoid excessively long posts. If a post is deemed to be too long, a new post with a link to the post submitted may be used in replacement of a reblog.

Tobias is an ambiguous character, so interpretations may vary. Works that aren't gushing adorations of Tobias will be included, but since this is an appreciation week, anything overtly negative will not be included.

I'm tagging those who have followed the event so far (and a few who may be interested) below. THANKS FOR CHECKING US OUT! :)

Tags: @alj4890 @songsaboutgirls @liaromancewriter @annoyingmillenialnewbie @hopelessromantic1352 @differenttyphoonwerewolf @trappedinfanfiction @jamespotterthefirst @lucy-268 @coffeeheartaddict2 @icecoffee90 @choicesficwriterscreations @choicesmonthlychallenge

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this is not goodbye by Premium Value

i started making vaporwave in 2020 because ive loved vaporwave for a long time and it occurred to me that it seemed easy to get into just for fun. it was an easy creative outlet during the worst of covid, and it kept being satisfying. looking back a lot of the stuff i made early on was crap but it was still fun. in late 2021 i got reached out to for an opportunity to have one of my albums featured on this new digital label along with a release on cassette which id get a cut of. i had to make some adjustments which resulted in it eventually being a double-album feature to make it feel substantial enough, but i was really excited. essentially over the course of the next year and a half barely any progress was made on their end, id get very little communication, and while that was happening they were still releasing other albums from other artists. this sucked big time. i eventually got fed up and told them i was out, to which they responded seemingly in earnest, but it felt hollow and like they were trying to make amends far too late to save face. this year and a half led to me making probably some of my best stuff, but it was also the beginning of the end. i was running out of ideas. it wasnt until this year when i really started losing steam, both running out of ideas and motivation. again the stuff i have made this year is among my favorite releases, but lets be real including this i only released 4 completely original albums, 1 expanded re-release and one triple album re-release with just a handful of new songs. it feels like every new release i really have to strain to come up with stuff, let alone try and put it all in a cohesive album concept. when i started, up until early 2022, i was releasing an album every month. i was throwing everything i could at it, and then with the label deal sitting around and me burning through my ideas i finally slowed down to an album every other month. this year there were more and more gaps as i allowed myself some room to breathe and come up with stuff. and it was around the middle of the year when i finally cut my ties with that group and that label. if youre a part of that label and you see this and you figure out this is about you, just keep it to yourself. no drama, not necessarily any bad blood, it just sucked and im done with that part of my life. im now officially giving up on any official obligation to regularly make vaporwave. it served me as a huge passion while it lasted, and it is still fun to make stuff when it comes out good, but its just so much harder now. so maybe ill make another album next month, or the month after. maybe ill make another album in 3 months. maybe 6. maybe a year. maybe 5 years. maybe never. i dunno, i leave that up to future me. i still love vaporwave and id love to have more ideas. maybe i need to explore more rabbit holes of music to inspire me. maybe i need to explore making original music more. who knows. to sum up, this is not goodbye. it's "ill see you when i see you." so ill see you. love you. 

track list:

feeling - 6:46

Say You Love Me - 4:02

Talk to Me - 2:30

does he know - 6:34

感情 - 5:27

this is not goodbye - 3:26

released december 4th, 2023

all sample credits included on bandcamp page

[chzdavmpr]

Goodnight Punpun Reading Diary Volume 2

Content Warning: I try to avoid going in detail about the more explicit parts of this story, but this does book gets real explicit for a while, so I'll still warn here that this post will discuss a plot point about abuse and sexualization of a minor. Also if you plan on reading this book yourself PLEASE LOOK UP THE TRIGGER WARNINGS FIRST CAUSE THAT'S JUST THE ONE I CAN'T AVOID TALKING ABOUT

Theory: perhaps "God" represents a part of Punpun's inner thoughts. (Note: I tend to be pretty bad at picking up on themes and symbolism in a story before finishing it, so for some of you that statement is probably pretty obvious.)

There's 2 of him now???

With the wager Punpun and Yaguchi set up it's very much them ignoring Aiko being her own person, but for different reasons. For Punpun he's in his incel arc but for Yaguchi it very much he more has his own issues in how he sees himself that he needs to overcome before he's ready for any relationship.

In volume 1 I thought Punpun's uncle was a chill dude, but he not only has a pretty cynical outlook at life, but he thinks his own sister should die just for having armpit hair, but gets off to a vhs labeled "high school hotties" and now I think I hate him. [Note from after finishing the volume: it get's worse. Now I 100% hate him]

Ok so either we are getting guy-with-afro lore that he works the this karaoke bar, or he's just a gag character that the author puts everywhere for no reason

Uh oh. UH OH. I see where this flashback is going STOP USING THE SAME WORDS YOU USED FOR THE POTTERY TO DESCRIBE THE 16 YEAR OLD!

As of the end of "part 3" I am very uncomfy. And that's probably the point, it forces the reader to be like "that's fucked up" and then look back at that whole date scene that was played mostly wholesome and say "this whole situation is fucked up" (which they probably should have already but the legacy of Scott Pilgrim has taught that you can never be too obvious with this stuff).

They have a lot of zoom ins on Yuichi's eyes in the scene where he brings- what's her name again (checks list of important characters at beginning of part 4) oh shit her name hasn't even been said. That makes this even worse then I thought.

Back to the point though, the scene in Yuichi's apartment has a lot of zoom ins on his eyes being drawn in a more human and realistic manner. I think this is to remove that "goofiness that undercut the darkness" I talked about for Vol 1. If this scene played out and was constantly showing Yuichi as a little bird in a crude artstyle it would make it easier to look past the monstrous behaviour of him by writing him off as "silly." But I feel the author really wants you to stew in the uncomfortability of this so that you really grasp that Yuichi is a bad guy.

Since Yuichi is the one telling this story, I wonder if he's lying about any details, in particular I wonder if he did actually go all the way with the 16 year old. I hope I'm wrong, but there is a chane.

WHY THE HELL IS THE CAFE GIRL STILL INTERESTED IN HIM? Honestly that makes me highly suspicious of her, cause I don't buy "love at first sight" for an appropriate motive to still be interested in a guy significantly older then you, who you've gone on ONE date with, who just told THAT story. Honestly I hope that there's more to her motive cause if not I will be honestly disappointed in that character writing.

Wait the guy who attempted to murder the mom and then set himself on fire isn't either dead or in prison? He's just fine?

The appearance of another "God" who is a different face raises a lot of questions and I don't think I have enough info to piece together an answer rn.

It's definitely healthier then being dead, but this relationship with Yuichi and cafe-girl doesn't seem healthy at all.

"God" opened his eyes. I wonder what that could mean.

So it looks like there will be a 2-year timeskip at the end of each book. Assuming Punpun was like 8 in Vol 1 he'll be like 20 in the last. Interesting.

Closing thought on the volume: This is honestly more what I expected going into Volume 1. I would no longer call this a "dark comedy." We are in full on dark drama now, just with some goofy elements.

Looking back at my notes I had a whole lot more to say about Yuichi's story then I did Punpun's, and I'm trying to think about why that is. Cause Punpun's story is one which I feel I probably should have more to say about but most of the time I'm just kinda along for the ride and don't end up having much to write notes about. The only thing I can think of that I probably could comment on is how Yaguchi is like the only morally good character (except maybe cafe-girl) in this whole volume.

I think part of this is that Punpun himself isn't really the strongest character to me. I know about him, how he feels, what he wants, but him rarely talking and has almost non-existent body language so his scenes flow weird. He can't really bounce off the other characters. I hope that by the end of this story I have less of an issue with this.

While reading this volume I also, as an exercise to get better at media literacy, tried to ask "what is Goodnight Punpun about?" What is the main thing this story is trying to tell? My conclusion so far is that I have no idea. My best guess is it has something to do with how being surrounded by negative influence can make someone worse. Which I guess isn't the worst first attempt at figuring out the theme. But with later reading diaries we'll check back in with this theme and see if it holds up.

Also I realized I only used 1 image for this, and it was for basically a background detail. I should be more liberal with them next time.

[kreideprinz69]

Something that really grates on me about a lot of anti-Koma people is the complete lack of empathy for Nagito in regards to his actions from the Dead Room to the Chapter 5 Trial. Treating it as if it's the single most reprehensible thing any culprit has done over the course of the entire series. When it is pretty much the exact same shit that Asahina was pulling in the first game's fourth trial. But with a far less petty motive. We see how the remaining five survivors react when they discover the truth of the NWP in Chapter 6. They are all on the verge of a breakdown as it all starts to become too much for them, and they only narrowly pull themselves back together to initiate the shutdown. Now imagine how they would react if: 1. All those survivors were isolated from each other when they learned the truth. 2. They were not made aware of the fact that their apparent turn to evil wasn't actually voluntary, and that they too are victims. 3. They did not have the three DR1 survivors and AI Chiaki to offer moral support during these revelations. 4. They were not made aware that any person who dies in the simulation will actually be possessed by Junko's AI in the real world. Because those were the circumstances of Nagito learning the "truth" in Chapter 4! His antis get so worked up over his bitchiness towards Hajime and the others, that they refuse to see just how tragic and pitiable the situation really is. What at first seems like a bizarre and vicious betrayal is actually a young man finally having his spirit broken after a life of endless traumas. Becoming so ashamed and disgusted with himself that the only thing he can think of as a small act of penance is to torture himself to death and get his classmates executed for their crimes. While not realizing that he's inadvertently aiding the same Ultimate Despair he's trying to stop. And it pisses me off when it bleeds over into fanfics too, with most of the cast ostracizing him for it. Because come the fuck on. Characters like Teruteru, Fuyuhiko, and Peko really don't much have a leg to stand on with that, considering their actions would have had essentially the same result if the class trials went their way. Me personally I like to think they'd keep a careful watch on him. But also make clear to him that while they don't condone his actions and think he made a terrible mistake, they're not going to condemn him either. Acknowledging that if they'd been in his position, they don't know what they might have been capable of. Considering how his character grew, I like to think Fuyuhiko would be one of the first people to admit that he'd probably have reacted just the way Monokuma wanted him to if he'd been given that special "prize".

YESS this! this right here omg, i love talking about this.

i think it's really easy for people to treat nagito with a total lack of empathy because of just how far removed nagito is from his own humanity. so a lot of people just put the insane label on him and don't take much of a further look at his actions. but the reality is that every action he's taking holds so much meaning and has never not had a well thought out reason. doesn't make them justifiable, but does offer so much more depth into his character than just being "crazy."

also i agree on the aoi part, i really don't get how people hate nagito for chapter 5 but don't say anything about aoi trying to get her classmates killed in the trial. dont get me wrong, thats not me ragging on her, because i adore aoi. its just the inconsistencies in how people treat characters for their actions that bother me. i think people forget just how much of a stressful situation the cast is in. suddenly waking up where you're not supposed to be, missing memories, knowing your friend or you might die at any moment, not to mention the investigations and trials; thats all pretty fucked up.

and like you said, nagito was ENTIRELY on his own when he learned the truth about everything happening. he was already in a lot of mental distress when the killings started, so the whole "truth" would have just completely broken him. he's been so violently traumatized his entire life, literally everything has been taken for him and supposedly he's going to die from his illness soon since there's nothing left for his luck to take. the only thing he's been able to do is cope through his obsession with hope, (and if we remove the obsession with hope and just focus on the fact that they're inside a simulation and caused the world to end, that's already stressful enough. the main cast BARELY coped even with all the help) so when you take that into account AND that he was actively working against the one thing that could never leave him (hope)- that's pretty fucking destroying! the only way for him to not lose the last thing he had, was to commit suicide in the way he did. which he full heartedly believed was for the greater good.

the sheer mental distress you would have to be under to be totally okay with torturing yourself before committing suicide is, KIND OF A LOT lol. also, props to him for coming up with such an elaborate plan despite the stress he was under. i honestly feel like his death was heavily foreshadowed. the entire game he talks about wanting to be a stepping stone for hope and that he's okay with being killed for it. his entire life has all just been one big tragedy too. the way he died, his motives behind it, and goal to become the ultimate hope; it was honestly a great ending for him. but im not gonna go into depth on that because im already probably getting off topic here whoops

but lets talk about his bitch arc for a second (chapter 4.) people blow it SO out of proportion. nagito was an asshole for one afternoon and was bullying hajime because he's angry he's in love with some loser. its just funny to me how some people make it a huge deal and use it to say nagito hates hajime. in chapter 5 before he dies, he literally shows remorse for his actions and barely anyone talks about it!. i can talk about that a bit more on a different post if someone is curious but im trying not to let this get ungodly long lmao

also yes, the way characters in fanon will be overly critical with nagito. while i do believe they were a littleee bit harsh with him in the game (another thing i could rant about but i'll spare you) i really don't think they would hate him after the simulation. on the final trial with junko, they almost let her win. and when they learn about being remnants and they all wake up, i think they would have come to understand nagito at least a LITTLE bit better. literally none of them are inoccent, so they probably came to realize they weren't all that much better than nagito. while we don't really see nagito interact with the other characters much in the danganronpa 3 hope arc; he looks to be on good terms with the rest of the cast. and just judging by how they all agreed to just live for the future and put the past behind them, i do think they would try their best to give nagito a chance, even if they're a bit weirded out by him. also i totally agree with the fuyuhiko bit! i think he's a very reasonable person that understand morally grey areas, so i like to think he was one of the first to start giving nagito a chance.

okay sorry that this was SO long oh my god. i cannot make myself stop talking sometimes, especially if it's nagito related sdhjfbsdfkhjb. but thanks for the ask because i find discussing this stuff super interesting!!! <3