#last update was almost 3 years ago ahaha lol

[catnumbernine]

I thought I'd go over that insert chapter from Rhaya's POV in order to publish it maybe today, but now I find it's not even finished 😂 Oh dear. I thought I'd gotten further with it.

[anxiety-banana]

ty @mithrandirl for the tag!! you are so loved and i'm proud of you for answering questions about your writing when you seem in a low place about it. i hope you find what it takes to be in a good place with your creative stuffs soon! <3

i think i did this a while ago but may as well update!

20 Questions for Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

96 + 48 anon works that will hopefully never see the light of day on my profile lol

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

262,661, which hurts me knowing i have written the length of multiple novels

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently star wars and *whispers* i'm working on some smosh stuff idk if i'll finish/post. in past: marvel, scorpion, white collar (anon), psych (anon), leverage (anon), and like two anon almost paradise fics

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

when it matters (white collar)

inevitability is a stupid, stupid, thing (marvel, penny parker)

if you're so smart, tell me why are you still so afraid? (suits)

and home isn't quite the same, but it's far from unachievable (hawkeye)

big brothers make it okay (clone wars)

5. Do you respond to comments?

yup! comments are my lifeblood and i usually respond quickly, but at the moment i have a few i still haven't responded to. it's my one and only fic superpower lol

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

frickity-- i write a lot of angst but it usually ends well?? love, where it cannot be found is pretty overall angst but i think i pulled of the balance pretty well, also probably call me what i am, call me a monster. that one's just straight angst.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hehe there are many, i'm an au fanatic so probably heaven swallows the smoke because i'm really attached to it and everyone lives/nobody dies endings are my favorites

8. Do you get hate on fics?

usually very passive aggressive hate because no one wants to be a bully on main lol but yeah pretty regularly i get a bit of "so hey you actually wrote this tiny inconsequential thing out of character and i'm entitled to making you fix it in your work of fiction that you literally wrote for yourself because you wanted to and i'm acting like i paid money for this content" which are admittedly kinda fun to reply to lol. recently had someone say "the translation you used for beowulf for a very small part of this fic that doesn't matter is actually mid and you should be using this version instead" it was a weird day

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope, but y'all do what you wanna do. i think smut can be written tastefully i'm just too wimpy

10. Do you write crossovers?

no, but i would if i had the inspo

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i had my entire wattpad era of fic stolen on one of those weird bootleg fic websites, but as i said last time, it's all trash they can have it

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no but i'm working on translating all my fic into legible prose instead of one giant brain fart. that'll be the day

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i attempted to with two friends like multiple years ago and we never finished it and i think i had a mental breakdown over it. so no lol

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

GNKLSJDKJD uh so now that it's cannon i can say shartney. they have my entire heart

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i'm working on a summer camp au that i love and also a star wars fic i've shared snippets of because i'm not sure i'll ever finish it ahaha

16. What are your writing strengths?

prose and dialogue!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

pacing chapters, works over 10k, and making first person pov not sound like it was written by a twelve year old

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

it's pretty cool! i've done a little ASL in fic which is always fun to write, although since it's based off english it's not really translated into written word any differently, but i'd love to become more confident in writing some french into fic. je parle un peu français, mais je n'y suis pas à l'aise.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

technically i think it was either BBC's Merlin or marvel, but i'm almost certain both of those have been burned by the pits of the google docs trash can

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

i already added it but i'm adding it again, heaven swallows the smoke is one i published recently and i've been working on for a while. it's not perfectly formatted or paced but i love the characters and the plot so it makes me happy <3

i've tagged a lot of people in these things before so let this be known as your tag! if you want to participate, this is your permission <3

[pffbts]

where are you? :( we missed you and your graceful writing.

the thing is i`m still here but not quite often. i write these days like a ghost, post one letter once a week or maybe nothing. it`s frustrating for me because i don`t like how my writing habit went downhill just like that :( these days, i`ve been too busy with online classes & all the assignments that whenever i do get time after finishing all my stuffs, i just don't have the energy to sit in front of my laptop and write (plus the fact that i do study on my laptop ahaha rip my eyes). it`s hard for me these days to come up with a topic to write. plus i`m now studying 3D modelling (currently at the base stage of anatomy studies) so that takes up a lot of my creative side. last month, i finished with my 2D animation part, our exams have been pushed back so i don`t know what lays ahead.

sometimes, i do come over here to read my own letters because somedays it gives me comfort. somedays i just come to lurk over here, searching pics/edits/gifs of my favourite people. last month, i got into svt and now i`m an armycarat so that`s an update!! i`m very much active on my twitter so if you miss me, you can always dm me there for a lil talk, i guess?? it sounds quite silly but yeah.

i haven`t watched enough anime too these days. yesterday i finally caught up with fruits basket s2`s last aired episode (also rip kissanime if ya`ll know what i mean), two months ago, i finally finished bnha so yeah that`s about it, i think? right now, i`m watching it`s okay not to be okay & watashitachi wa douka shiteiru (alt: something is wrong with us) but it`s like one episode per day when i don`t have classes.

i think one time, maybe it was this week?? i was thinking to make this blog for both svt & bts because i just love how they`re my comfort people 24/7. but yeah then i just laughed because these days i don`t even write so :(( i can`t promise anything for now.

plus, i don`t know if many of you know but i live in india and the pandemic here is ridiculously spreading, i haven`t properly gone out after march 21st this year, i think? the surrounding is so bad that i can`t even think positively at this point. i know my main purpose to make this blog was to have a safe place for you all and you know?? it`s still a safe place. i have loads of letters which will comfort you overtime but i still miss this place myself. when i started this blog i was feeling very down myself, i was struggling to keep myself going through the last year of my school, now that i`m in college doing something i love, i`m giving my all there. so it`s almost like i graduated from that phase when i was running this blog.

BUT i`ve this feeling that i`ll keep this blog as it is. some days i would come and start writing again, interacting with you all again, take your requests again (i still actually have 10 requests pending in my ask box lol) but not now, i think? the timing is a lil tough for me. i need to get along with my studies for now. but i`ll write, so don`t worry. thank you as always for loving what i write. i know i`m not the best (not even trying) but i`m happy that i was/am a part of your memory.

SORRY THIS IS LONG BUT I THINK you should know because you deserve to know :))

also how are you!!?? are you doing okayish these days? i know it`s tough, extremely tough but i really hope things get better!! stay safe!

and, as always, i love you a lot <3

[captainshazamerica]

Yeah it's the same anon 💜 dude my apologies for the amount of crap I've spewed in your ask box but in my defense no one I know gives a shit about batfam or gotham rogues or Alfred (I've gushed here about alfreds fabulousness too opps) anndd I partly blame you for me falling back into the titans trap cuz s1 was meh I forgot I even watched s2 😅 then I seen some titans stuff on your blog and boom my brain latched onto it and now here I am experiencing maternal fear for my son jason 😢you are 1000% right this jason is PERFECTION as robin like actual perfection I dunno why but I thought this robin was like 16? So I was thinkin how tf is 16/17 yo supposed to be redhood!? It work in comics/cartoon but live action 16 y/o redhood seems meh I kinda want the lazarus pit just I freakin want TALIA but I don't think that's gonna happen I dunno

Tbh (this may be biased) but I think the Gotham tv show is literally the best dc comics adaptation of anything ever! it is superior to all thier shows movies animations and the arrowverse at least in my books lol

Tumblr is my only form of 'social media' and I don't keep up with updates or anything about shows cuz I like to pretend the fiction is real and I don't want reality wrecking that for me like hahahaa so I had no clue about timmy or babs but I'm so happy

DUDE YES this is literally the only time I can see bruce ever killing the joker on screen aww please I want it so bad I mean they probably won't but they should cuz this is the only capacity in which batman can kill the joker live action like if down the line somewhere on another show/movie bruce killed joker he prob wouldn't be dead dead or they'd bring him back some way so the kill wouldn't even matter but old bruce killing the joker because he's finally had enough he's old now, jasons death finished him and he's not gonna be batman anymore it's a nice end for batman and the joker, it's the only way we'll ever get this end cuz like you said they'll never have the balls to permanently kill joker any other way in live action everything is aligning perfectly for this to happen so dang dc just freakin let it happen c'mon

Yo whose your first fav rogue? Is it riddler? I feel like mines riddler haven't really thought much about whose my fav gotham rogue but I'd probably say riddler, I prefer the central city rogues but the Gotham rogues are just pure chaos and I'm living for that hahaa

I'd rather superheros/vigilantes/villians in live action not have relationship drama just put them in a relationship or dont like I came for the action and weird super shit not the ordinary relationship drama thankfully titans seem to be doing okay in this aspect I do quite like dickkory a lot but I mean in the supergirl show ughhh I was like I came here for the flying and the dope laser eyes I don't give a shit about her getting a boyfriend like seriously whyyy

My brain decides to jump about obsessing over characters like one week Kory is my wife next week detective grayson is my husband and I AM NIGHTWING then my brain is like no Barbara kean is wifey just basically fictionally I'm married to everyone 😅

Yikes this was so long sorry girl

Omg, pls don't apologize! I get so dang excited whenever i get an ask, yours always make my day, you don't even know! Like same about no one i know caring about dc/batfam! And talking to someone about it is so much better than yelling into the wind here on a text post that no one reads xD Don't stop sending your asks whenever you wanna dump your feels/talk about dc/batfam omg.

And Im so proud I got you into this Titans spiral xD My work here is done hahahaha. But yes, I feel like his looking so young for red hood over shadows how great his jason robin performance was! Love seeing him get that recognition! But yeah, the age is def off, like I cant remember how old they said he was in the show, maybe 16? but too young for red hood in live action form. Like its hard cause in reality 16 year olds and 19 year old boys typically don't look too different, for the most part, while comics you can get get away with it more. Huh, yeah, it doesn't seem like Talia is gonna happen, maybe just maybe a cameo or something? Cause we also weren't expecting joker but here we are(tho it almost looks like he wont be a big plot point/even see him much, it almost looks like it is just showing how brutal gotham is? But like its just the trailer and doesnt always give the full picture so who knows!)

Omg YES about Gotham! I 1000% agree! Im also biased cause its what got me into batman, again like exactly a year ago! It got me into the world like no other media of dc had before!(well, Shazam did, i guess tech thats the start of my interest in dc/first time i read the comics, but gotham is what really got me into this spiral). I hate how much hate it gets, like yeah its not perfect and they took creative liberties obviously, but i 100% agree that its the best adoption of DC yet! 100%! Its so nice to see the characters and rogues fleshed out more. I feel like it successfully did what Nolan tried to do in terms of making it dark and realistic, but in a way that was more accurate and true to the comics! I wish it wasn’t canceled so early and thus the last season had to be so rushed :(

thats smart, i typically dont look for spoilers and stuff anymore but I just got so hyper focused that I had to look at least what the stars were putting out on social media, but yeah, i use to get so caught up in all that that it took the fun out of seeing it live.

Oh my gosh, that would seriously be the PERFECT end to batman and joker story in this universe omg. Amen about all that! And like it would hopefully show Jason how much he cares? So maybe Bruce would kill him after red hood emerges? It will be interesting to see hat causes Jason to be so dang pissed in this version.

ahaha yes riddler is my fav! (my header gave it away didn’t it xD) I love most Riddlers but ESPECIALLY gotham riddler, Ed is like one of my fav character of all time. Oooh, I don’t know central city rogues all that well(well, way more than Metropolis rogues, I know so little about superman world), like I know some from the first 3 and a half seasons of the flash (I watched a couple years ago but got busy with school and couldn’t keep up and just never caught up/didnt have motivation to finish(plus i forgot so much id have to rewatch everything again), but I saw they finally just introduced Bart Allen, so I have have to randomly jump back in for a bit cause Bart is one of my favsss), and the ones in the cartoons and stuff

Ha! true, i dont mind it when its for character development or if I happen to be super into the ship(like Nygmakins in Gotham omg, I know they are super unpopular but they are like one of my OTPs omg), I feel like it has to be balanced right/not too much focus on the drama of the relationship over everything else. Like a minor subplot is good but don’t make it the focus of the show. And yeah , supergirl never appealed to me cause of that reason! i like drama and not JUST action (I like psychological drama, as long as there is comfort to follow xD) but yea i get what u mean by too much relationship focus . I think, for the most part, Gotham did that pretty well.

omg i love the disaster bi vibes you are giving off xD But omg I feel the jumping around thing so much ahaha. Like right now the 4 robins are constantly on rotation on who I’m obsessing over at the moment tbh xD

Omg mine responses are just as long, don’t apologize!!!! <333333333333333

[sequoiann]

❧ h.js | assassin!au

pairing; seventeen joshua x reader

genre; bulletpointed, assassin!joshua, fluff, doctor!reader, mentions of blood

collab with; @kpop–fics

tags; @lunarjihoon

notes; my asssassin!aus are getting waaay to fluffy for a supposedly dark au i’m sorry everyone AHAHA but hope you like this one!!

joshua assassin!au

did you think you were gunna get some dark shua

SIKE

jkjk

he’s the medic ??? of the team 

idk what you wanna call it but

he basically cures everyone on the team

and prevents them from dying lol

no i mean seriously joshua is seen as the florence nightingale of the group 

but ok he does go on the missions too

since he has the most advanced knowledge on medicine and stuff like that ,, he can make doses that can kill their targets

basically poison doses lol

andddd he’s always busy 

like 

he doesn’t have time to rest 

AT ALL 

because

every day 

like every single day

after every single mission

there would be at least one wounded member on the team 

“smh guys can’t you be more careful” 

“YOU TRY IT THEN” 

“...nvm” 

he usually does the behind-the-scenes work and not the actions aha

& he usually gets really worried when someone gets injured bc he knows how bad it could get

it could go from 

“seungkwan got a scratch on his cheek”

to

“SEOKMIN HAS HIS INTESTINES RIPPED OUT JOSHUA SAVE HIM” 

like what the fuck guys

well 

no matter how busy it could get 

it was something he did like doing 

he liked the feeling of being important to the team 

and 

the fact that he could make the members feel better

but surprise surpriseeeeee

he actually didn’t plan on becoming part of an assassin team 

all he wanted was to become a doctor 

but 

since his group of friends pulled him into this 

,,,

why not 

they were all childhood friends and had promised to stay as a group when they were still really young

and their friendship had remained strong throughout the years

so sure

they need someone to look after them anyways

it was kinda funny to imagine that they would be nowhere without him 

seokmin would probably have his kidney hanging out of his body or something

but today, it was joshua himself who got injured 

they were on a mission to kill the president of a corrupted company

so all of them went,, since the building was really big

and jeonghan stayed in the car as standby

jihoon too,,, he was just monitoring them aft hacking the building’s cctvs

soo for those in the building

they were moving tgt, although pretty spaced out

joshua lagged behind the group bc he was on the lookout

but suddenly someone just grabs him from the back and joshua managed to kick him off

but that man came back and just flung him

shua was practically thrown against a window + shelf while trying to attack back

and there was a huGEE gash running up his upper arm

resulting in his arm bleeding a waterfall of blood

apparently the company had higher security than they had predicted so

abort mission for real

when they were in the car + when they got back, joshua couldn’t do anything bc ,,,

i mean ,,,

how tf is he supposed to treat himself

soonyoung was just pressing a thick cloth onto the wound but it wasn’t of much help really

everyone else would be able to help with minor wounds but this one was asdfgkl

,,, joshua wouldn’t be able to help even if it happened on another member

it was that bad

and ok jeonghan knew how to stitch wounds up 

but they don’t have anesthetic

so he couldn’t stitch the wound up bc joshua would probably die from the pain first before dying from blood loss

and joshua was just getting paler and paler by the minute

this wound just couldn’t get treated by any of them

“i think we need to get you to a hospital”

cue joshua pouting bc he never really liked hospitals

the doctors never really cared

shua had a few hospital visits when he was younger

none of them being good experiences

like omg the doctors act as if everything can be cured by ice packs

got a bruise? have an ice pack. 

have a stomach ache? have an ice pack. 

broke your neck? have a fucking ice pack.

like do i look like a moron to you

ok back to the story

seungcheol was kinda hesitant at first but 

1. he knew their assassin group was pretty private so no one would recognize them 

2. shua was gonna die and

3. shua is screaming

ok not really screaming screaming

but making weird grunting noises

of pain

whatever 

he needed to live

the team needed him

so 

an hour later 

joshua and everyone else were in front of the local hospital 

andddd you worked there as a pretty experienced doctor

so! 

suddenly

that night

a horde of men just run into the hospital like a fucking tsunami was chasing them lmao

“is there a doctor available?!!!” 

you were the closest to them and you didn’t even have to ask who’s injured

bc this,,, brown-haired guy,,,, in the middle of all of them,,, being held up by 2 guys,,, was literally red

like i mean everything was red

except for his face which was ghostly !!! white !!!

but his clothes were soaked in his own blood and his flesh on his arm was cut open and it was so deep and just

omg it was really really gory

you were pretty shook

“did you guys murder someone or something??”

everyone just gave each other awkward glances 

like um techincally yes we did

you quickly led them to a room and did all the procedures

aka stitching of the wound

but you didn’t allow the whole group of them to follow you in bc you counted 13 of them in total like nonononono get out all of you

so only seungcheol followed

you stitched up joshua’s wound after injecting him with local anesthetic to numb the area

and seungcheol had to look away bc ew

joshua was still really pale tho like the amount of blood he lost was ,,, a lot ,,,

“i think he’s gonna have to stay here for a day or two,” you told seungcheol

seungcheol just nods and leaves and you try to call him back to sign the papers but he juST LEFT 

you were dumbfounded like okay so you’re just ?? gonna ?? leave your friend here ???

but joshua (you learnt his name from seungcheol while you were stitching up joshua’s wound) was asleep

and reasonably so

he would’ve been really weak and tired, considering how much blood he lost

you couldn’t help but stare at him for a while bc he,,, looked ,,, cute

there was a little frown on his face but he still looked pretty relaxed

and his features and everything were just so perfectly sculpted ajdskjfh

ok no y/n you’re a professional doctor stop it

so you let him sleep in the ward after updating his medical reports

and you were on night shift so you were gonna stay in the hospital through the night

you went on your daily rounds and settled more patients

but when you went to check back on joshua about 4 hours later

mEJIK

pOOf

hE wAs gONe

the hospital bed was empty ,,, with just a few cash notes lying on the sheets

o and a little handwritten note too

which just said “thanks for stitching up my wound & taking care of me”

and the amount of cash beside the note was the exact fee he had to pay

okay maybe a few dollars less but that didn’t really matter

what mattered was that hE wASN’T WELL ENOUGH TO LEAVE YET

the wound would open again if he does any strenuous activity omg

but that worry didn’t last very long bc you had other patients to take care of

you couldn’t keep him on your mind like that

fast forward a few weeks later

joshua’s wound !! has healed !!!

not completely but the stitches are out (yes he did it himself) and the wound’s pretty closed already

but he still wasnt in prefect condition so he was sent on a fairly simple mission

which involved killing someone again

but this target was hospitalized 

so it was an easy task

all joshua needed to do was to insert the poison,,, venom thingy,,,, into that person’s IV

but no 

it didn’t go as well as planned

he realized that the person was staying in the same hospital as he was previously

but he didn’t think much of it bc he was here for only a short while

and his identity wasn’t really recorded soOooO 

he just went into the target’s ward, acting as a visitor, a regular mask covering his nose and mouth

and a casual cap over his head

i mean he looked pretty normal

and the target was soundly sleeping

joshua pulled the tiny vile from his pocket, quietly grabbing the syringe from the nurse’ table at the corner of the room, filling it with the poison and injecting it into the IV

“what are you doing?” 

joshua threw the syringe under the bed and stuffed the empty vile into his butt pocket and turned around

shit 

out of all doctors, it had to be you

you ran over, pushing him aside, ripping the IV out of the patient’s arm

the patient had woken up, obviously alarmed and confused

joshua looked away, afraid of being recognized by both you and his target

he quickly turned and walked-jogged right out of the room

you quickly told the patient to just go back to sleep first and ran after joshua

but by the time you got out, you couldn’t see him anywhere 

so you just ran down the hallway, pulling out your phone and calling the hospital’s security.

“hello? someone just entered the---”

you didn’t finish your sentence

the door of the storeroom on your right opened and someone grabbed you, placing a hand over your mouth and pulling you in

your phone was snatched out of your hand and that person switched your phone off

the door got locked but the hand was removed from your mouth

you were about to scream but when you saw the perpetrator’s face ;;; 

“joshua....?” 

you recognized him almost immediately 

he was one of the patients you wouldn’t forget easily

besides, he just came in a few weeks ago

joshua smiles a little when you remembered him

“hey.”

“what the hell? why were you in the patient’s room? what did you put into the IV?” 

your voice was getting louder and louder, causing him to widen his eyes & place his hand over your mouth again

he shushes you

“stop speaking so loud!” 

you stare at him like ??? i’m speaking loudly?? you’re the one who just tried to kill my patient???

joshua couldn’t reveal anything so he just ,,

“that guy isn’t good.” 

you were so pissed like did i ask that ????

joshua just changes the topic suddenly like nothing happened 

and he thanked you for the other time

“i know i haven’t thanked you face to face yet, but thank you. it’s a lot better now.” 

you looked at his arm where the wound was, but it was covered by his sleeve so

nvm 

he smiled at you again and you wanted to scream at him like

stop !!! smiling at me !!!!!

he was so cute you really couldn’t take it 

and so you just snatched your phone from him and left the storeroom 

but not before joshua makes sure you “don’t tell anyone about anything” and “pretend he was never here”

like ok i totally can do that 

he honestly didn’t seem like a bad guy

he seemed to hv good reasons

but no your morals got to you

you had to report him

he nearly killed someone

but before going to the security, you went back to your patient’s room to check if he was fine

but the moment you stepped in

you got fuckign strangled

by your patient

he was shouting something like “are you from their team?! did you just try to kill me?!” 

you were just helplessly clawing at his hands while your lungs contracted

you panicked

but suddenly the pressure on your neck disappears and you just crUmble to the floor

joshua had kicked him in the face and he was sprawled on the floor now

joshua grabs another syringe that was from his jacket pocket and just stabbed it into the man’s neck 

and the man just went unconscious

you were still,,, on the floor,,, spluttering and wheezing

joshua rushed over to you 

“are you okay?” 

he pats you a bit, and he suddenly just reaches around your neck gently, his thumb caressing your sore skin

when you could finally breathe again, you were just

“what was that? did you kill him?” 

joshua shook his head.

“it was just a heavy dose of general anesthetic.” 

that was joshua’s back-up.

you heaved a sigh of relief ;;;  joshua would’ve gotten into huge trouble if the man died 

you got really suspicious of joshua bc of what the man had said to you so you started ,,, cautiously ,,,, questioning joshua

and joshua told you. bc he trusted that you wouldn’t do anything.

and you didn’t !!! bc he just saved your life ,,, he was obviously a good guy

everything he said made sense too sooo okay

so you became a new “partner” of his team

you always helped the members treat their wounds and everything whenever they got injured

it was fun

and joshua liked to make jokes about how “getting injured isn’t bad now, i get to see you” 

:”)))))