#learning that his family and friends still love him completely and like unconditionally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

serenity-lattes · 2 years

Text

The Recluse

Part 1/2 of I Will Follow You Into the Dark

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson

Summary: Steve has missed Eddie terribly and after getting some signs from the Upside Down, he decides to go on a mission to bring Eddie home… but what if when he gets there, Eddie isn’t quite the Eddie he remembers?

Warnings: References to Eddie’s death, Steve is in a major depressive episode and is not doing well, mention of weight loss, swearing, very angst heavy

Word Count: 2742

A/N: For my @harringroveson-bingo card, I’m completing my B3 Square, "The Recluse and The Ghost". With the Kas Theory going around, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to touch on that. As always, a massive thank you for @writer-in-theory and @lcvingprentjss for being my betas. And apparently Jay and I are going to be jail cell buddies because we keep hurting each other with the angst.

“The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind,” said Albert Einstein, or so his high school chemistry teacher had claimed. Steve couldn’t disagree more. Monotony barely got him through the last few months, and solitude? Well, he has never felt so lost and empty.

With Ed- no. He couldn’t even say his name. With him, he felt the thrill of living, the absolute elation in the simplest of things, and above all, Steve knew what it was like to love unconditionally and be loved the same. That is, until a year ago that was all ripped away from him in the worst way possible. Steve would have learned to cope had it been a mere break up, yet life had other plans: death.

Now, today of all days, life was mocking him with said death. September 15, 1987, what would have been their two year anniversary. He had been making plans for the two of them to go down south to the beach for their first anniversary because, “Steve, I’ve never seen a beach, and no, Lake Michigan doesn’t count. C’mon, do it because you love me.”

Steve did love him.

Shit, he still does.

As Steve lay in bed, his room completely dark, save the red light from his clock that reads 2:37, he hears a knock at the door. It’s not the first, nor will it be the last. His friends just won’t leave him the hell alone. He quit his job at Family Video to work the graveyard shift at the Village Pantry in Fairmount just to avoid his friends.

Sometimes it’s Robin saying he should come out for Dustin’s sake, sometimes it’s Dustin saying he should come out for Robin’s sake, and occasionally it’s Nancy saying, “come out for the kids.”

Steve just doesn’t want to talk about it, nor does he want the pitiful looks from everyone. He just wants to mourn and process things in peace. Why can’t they just get that through their heads?

Today, it’s Robin again. With a sigh, Steve heaves himself out of bed and quietly pads over to the door to look out the edge of the blinds like always. Robin’s bouncing from foot to foot, with a brown paper bag in her hands. She knows Steve is there and alive, even if she hasn’t laid eyes on him in six months, because he always takes the things she leaves at the door when she’s headed back to her car.

“Hey, Steve,” she says, putting her palm flat against the door, as if reaching out to him, “I know what today is… and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Steve. I know it won’t change anything, but can you at least come out, let me hug you?”

Her voice cracks, she misses her best friend.

Steve squeezes his eyes shut and his head drops. No. He can’t. Because if he lets Robin hug him, he’ll start sobbing and never stop, and he’s so tired of crying. He swallows the lump in his throat and moves away from the window to press his hand against the other side of the door.

He does miss everyone, but he’s just not ready yet.

After he sees her car drive out of view, he opens the door to retrieve the bag she left. Robin usually left meals or snacks, occasionally little knick-knacks she thought he would like. Except this time, Robin left something that’s left Steve completely breathless and sinking to his knees.

A little chocolate colored R. Dakin bear that has a black and white raglan shirt on, followed by a note in Robin’s handwriting.

Hey, dingus. We know today is a hard day, so we gave this little guy a makeover. Eddie’s uncle Wayne gave Dustin some of his things before he moved, so we made him a little outfit out of some of Eddie’s clothes. We know it’s not the same, but it’s something to hold onto today. Love you… Miss you…

♡ Robin, Nancy, and Dustin

With unsteady hands, Steve lifted the bear up to inspect said outfit. Tears were already spilling down his cheeks as he could recall the exact shirt the bear’s was made from: a Mötley Crüe tour shirt he got when they went to the show last year at Market Square Arena in Indianapolis. Steve can see the edge of the comedy/tragedy masks in the seam of the sleeve. Robin couldn’t cut a straight line if she tried.

He gulped and squeezed his eyes shut as he lifted the bear to his nose. The little shirt smelled like a combination of Pall Malls and the Drakkar Noir cologne Steve got him for his birthday last year. It was everything that felt like home and suddenly Steve felt everything come rushing back to him like a tsunami.

“Where’s Eddie?”

Silence.

“Dustin, where’s Eddie?”

“H-He’s gone… the b-bats. I’m so so s-sorry…”

“Fuck!” Steve shouted, dropping the bear as if it was on fire. The rational side of his brain knows this is an incredibly kind and thoughtful gift, yet the irrational part is only seeing a mockery of what he lost and will never have again.

After taking a moment to gather himself, he wipes the tears away with the sleeve of his shirt before gingerly reaching for the bear again. He brushes the pad of his thumb over the fur that matches his hair color. His lips tugged into a wistful grin as he shook his head slightly. Nancy truly did a great job with the sewing of the little shirt. The bear was a representation of Eddie.

“Oh, I miss you, Eds,” he whispered, eyebrows drawing together as he pulled the bear to his chest. It wasn’t the same, nothing would ever feel like holding Eddie, but… this wasn’t not helping. It was as if saying Eddie’s name had awakened things that had been dormant for the last six months, because the light in the room began to flicker. And to make things worse, he’s absolutely certain that he’s hallucinating because surely the wall isn’t distorting and there’s no way a human hand is coming out of it.

Steve startled and got away from the wall, cowering by the armchair. He waited with bated breath, terrified Vecna was here for his revenge. But then the lights went dark completely. Had it been Vecna, he would already be dead, in a crumpled up pile. Yet here he is, in one piece. Terrified and ready to piss himself, but alive nonetheless. Steve carded his fingers through his hair, pushing the strands away that had fallen into his face. Wait. What if..? No, it couldn’t be. Could it?

“E-Eddie?” he whispered, afraid to be wrong, yet afraid to be right.

The flickering started again, just like when he said his name the first time. Steve tilted his head to the side, perplexed. What in the- he gasped with the realization, it was Morse code. Damn, the roller coaster of emotions was making his head hurt.

“Wait!!” Steve urged, grabbing a pen and the yellow pages from the side table, writing as fast as he could on the inside cover.

-- .. ... ... / -.-- --- ..- / - --- ---

It was three words, though Steve couldn’t distinguish little dots and lines, but he knew someone who could.

Which is how he ended up at Dustin’s doorstep, in his pajamas, no less. He wanted to knock, it was a simple motion: lift an arm, rap the knuckles against the door. Yet right now, Steve felt like he was dismantling a bomb.

He hadn’t seen Dustin or anyone else since the fateful day they had come back from the upside down. Looking at his friends, Dustin especially, would only serve as a painful reminder of what they lost, what he lost.

“Get your shit together, Harrington,” Steve whispered to himself, working up the nerve to knock, “just knock on the damn door.”

Just as he turned to finally knock, the door swung open and there stood Dustin with the most unamused expression.

“Oh, so you are alive,” he muttered, glancing Steve up and down, his crass demeanor quickly melting into concern. Steve had lost weight, his cheekbones a bit more prominent and his once form-fitting sweater was loose. Dustin knew why, but he hated actually seeing the toll Eddie’s death had taken on Steve, “I’m happy to see you, though.”

Steve’s tongue darted out, wetting his lips, unsure of what to say. What could he say? The last time they had spoken was once they came back to Hawkins and Dustin told him what had happened. Steve had avoided everyone for six months. 180 days. He hadn’t spoken to any of them, save what he listened to them say through the door.

“I- uh,” Steve bounced on the balls of his feet, gathering his thoughts to form a coherent sentence, “I missed you, Henderson, and we’ll actually have that conversation eventually, but right now, we have to talk about something else.”

Dustin’s eyebrows furrowed, not even having a guess to what Steve could be referring to, but it didn’t take a genius to see that something was weighing heavily on him.

“Robin brought by the bear,” Steve started, finally meeting Dustin’s eyes, “And… something happened. So, I want you to tell me,” he squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting this, but knowing it was a necessity, “tell me what happened that day.”

Dustin’s jaw dropped, half tempted to slam the door in Steve’s face. No. He doesn’t get to disappear for six months and come back to ask what happened. Steve mourned the loss of his lover, but Dustin mourned the loss of two of his best friends.

“You know what, Harrington? You don’t get to throw this back in my face, if that’s what you’re here to do. I couldn’t stop seeing it for months and you weren’t here when I needed you, when everyone needed you, even Max,” he took a step back to shut the door, until Steve’s hand shot up to keep it open.

“It’s not that,” Steve nearly shouted, eyes pleading, “Weird things started happening, man. I just wanna make sense of it and I don’t have that piece of the puzzle. I’m not throwing this in your face, I just- I just… I gotta figure this out, okay?”

Dustin, skeptical, glanced back to make sure his mom was still occupied with the tv and Tews, “Let’s go to my room.”

Steve followed Dustin to his room, careful to not make too much noise and pull Claudia’s attention from the tv. Dustin plopped down on his bed, motioning to the chair at the desk for Steve to sit at.

“Okay,” Dustin started, wary, “What do you need to know?”

“You, uh, told me it was the bats, but wha- what happened?”

Dustin pursed his lips, shaking his head at the memory, the one that had haunted him every night for months. Taking a deep breath, he recalled that day, that moment.

“Eddie and I were making sure the bats didn’t come for you, Nancy, and Robin. He distracted them for a while, but when it didn’t work, he ran into the swarm… I wasn’t there because he tried to keep me safe, he pulled the sheet rope away so I couldn’t climb back up. When I got back, he was on the ground because the bats had attacked him. He was hurt so badly, I can’t unsee it. But, I… I held him for a little bit, he said he was finally able to graduate, that he loved me, and wanted me to make sure I told you that he loved you too. And he-” Dustin sucked in a breath, forcing back the tears threatening to spill over, unable to say the actual words, “In my arms. And I- I hurt my leg, I couldn’t carry him back, so I left h-”

Steve surged forward, pulling Dustin into a hug. God, the poor kid. He knew he was down there with Eddie, but he had no idea it was like this. He couldn’t say for certain that he wouldn’t have holed himself up in his apartment, but had he known all this, he likes to think he would have been here for Dustin.

“It’s okay,” Steve whispered, tears spilling down his cheeks for the upteenth time, “He would do it again if he had the chance. I’m thankful you were with him, though. The thought of him being alone… thank you, Dustin. I’m sorry I haven’t been around, there’s really no excuse for it.”

Dustin clung onto the sweater, hugging his friend with all the emotions that have been building up the last six months. He couldn’t even hug Steve that day because he ran off before Dustin could finish explaining what happened. He couldn’t talk to Steve because he was only ever met with the damn door in his face. Calls went unanswered, hell, even notes unanswered. Steve was the one person he wanted to talk to about Eddie because he was the only other person who could understand how he was feeling.

Mike or Lucas, maybe, but they didn’t have those kinds of conversations.

“You weren’t even at his funeral, you asshole,” Dustin sniffled into Steve’s shoulder, “do you even know what that did to Wayne?”

Steve’s stomach twisted uncomfortably, because, no. He didn’t know what that did to Wayne. He didn’t stop to think about what anyone else had been feeling because he was so wrapped up in his own bundle of mourning.

“I-” he shook his head, “I’m sorry, Dustin. I can’t say it enough, but I’m here now. I promise I’ll try, and that I’ll do better.”

Dustin pulled back, eyebrows furrowed, it was really all he had wanted since March. He nodded his head and wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Now,” Dustin gathered himself, getting back to the purpose of Steve’s visit, “You said weird shit was happening.”

Steve sulked back, taking a seat on the other end of Dustin’s bed. They had fought demodogs, Russians, the Mind Flayer, and Vecna together, but he couldn’t help but feel crazy right now. Is this how Joyce felt when Will was in the Upside Down?

“Okay, so,” Steve pulled the paper out of his pocket, the one with the morse code on it, “Robin brought the bear by and I ended up saying his name out loud.”

“Vecna?”

Steve gave Dustin a pointed look, “No.”

“O-Oh, Eddie’s. Duh.”

“Anyway,” Steve enunciated the ‘n’ sound, “I said it and then the lights started flickering, like how Mrs. Byers described things when Will was missing. Then there was a hand in the wall, and I’m pretty sure the lights were doing morse code, but I need you to tell me if this is actually a message or I was seeing things. Because after the last few years, I won’t be shocked either way.”

Steve chuckled nervously, handing the paper over to a very skeptical Dustin who unfolded the paper slowly. Dustin stood and approached his desk, grabbing a blue marker, quickly decoding the message.

“So, what did you say that triggered all this?” Dustin asked, writing letters on the paper at an angle Steve couldn’t see them.

“I said his name.”

“No,” Dustin turned to face Steve, expression somehow more serious, “What exactly did you say?”

Steve recounted the events from earlier, holding the bear… he tilted his head to the side, willing the words back to himself.

“I said, ‘Oh, I miss you, Eds,’ and then that’s when everything started happening.”

Dustin pursed his lips and then held up the paper, showing Steve the translation:

-- .. ... ... / -.-- --- ..- / - --- ---

M I S S / Y O U / T O O

Steve looked to Dustin, wide eyed, because there was no way in hell. This was Vecna, it had to be, right? They never found his body afterwards, so he had to be back and taunting Steve the way he had Max.

“Because if I didn’t know any better, I might think Eddie is,” Dustin started to say before Steve was up and running out of his room, “Again with the running!”

This time Steve didn’t care, he was a man on a mission. Because if there was a chance Eddie was alive, he was going to act on it. And if he is wrong and dies while doing so, well, then at least he’ll be with Eddie again.

PART 2: THE GHOST > READ HERE NOW

MAIN MASTERLIST

HARRINGROVE BINGO MASTERLIST

#steddie angst #harringroveson bingo #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington x eddie munson #eddie munson x steve harrington #vampire!eddie #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #kas theory #steddie fanfic #kas!eddie

45 notes · View notes

sleuthy-scientist · 7 months

Text

Time After Time - Chapter Nine - It Was Not Your Fault But Mine

The full story can be found here. This probably won't make any sense unless you've read previous chapters.

He nervously waited, knowing rightfully so Emily might need more time, and he had to give her that if she did. He couldn't force her hand on this, on something so important, that she had full control of.

Jessica returned 15 minutes later, having shut herself into Dave's study for some privacy for her phone call to Emilly.

He didn't hear Jessica return, it wasn't until she repeated his name for the third time that he realised she had finished her conversation with Emily.

"Emily said she would call soon. She was cooking breakfast when I called. She promised after they've eaten and she can settle Grace into watching her favourite Saturday morning cartoons, she will call."

"Until then, I thought maybe we could talk a little more. Maybe, I could also tell you a bit about your daughter, I think that's a relatively safe neutral topic."

"Please Jess, I would love that, I can't wait to officially meet her, I only got to see her and hear her talk for a few moments."

"First before we talk about Grace, like I said, I promise I will be there for Jack, and help make this transition easier for him if my presence helps. But, I won't betray Emily, I know you are a good person Aaron Hotchner, but I'm in her corner. Not that she needs anyone to protect her, but I will defend her honour if I need to."

"Cause you screwed up big time buddy, you need to do everything you can to fix this. I know Emily loves Jack just as unconditionally as she does Grace. Haley would be happy knowing her son has the kind of family she always wanted to give him."

Aaron piped in,"I think Haley really liked Emily, I know they didn't have a chance to really get to know each other, but they seemed like fast friends, gossiping and giggling whenever they saw each other. Emily also told me Haley asked her to look after me, when they were in WITSEC. I think she knew way before I did that I had feelings for Emily."

Jessica chuckled, knowing Aaron had been absolutely clueless. "Oh she definitely did, she told me once months after your divorce, that she knew Emily was the one for you. Mind you, she was completely sober at the time when she came to the realization. She didn't think you were anything but faithful to her when you guys were married, but she knew Emily was from your world and understood you in ways she couldn't."

Jessica couldn't stop herself from revealing part of the last conversation she had with her sister. "I probably should have told you this sooner, but, I don't know how Haley knew, but they let her call me right before she had to disappear. She told me she knew you would be ok because you had Emily looking out for you. And God forbid if anything happened to her, she knew Emily would get you and Jack through it and help you both learn to smile again."

Jessica couldn't stop the immediate tears welling in her eyes, that fell with the next words she spoke. "I just, I love them both so much. Being a part of their lives has helped heal my heart a little. I still miss Haley everyday, but I know how it feels to be happy again. I want that for you and Jack too."

"Aaron you have to promise me, you wont do anything to screw this up, because, we both know Emily's it for you. And I'm not going to get in the middle and smooth things over if you rush Emily. She's been hurt enough by you, you need to listen to what she wants and needs from you. For now, just be Gracie and Jack's dad, and try to be Emily's friend. The rest will work itself out, I know you can eventually find your place together again."

He was sure and steady in his feelings now, he hoped his words conveyed that. "Jess I want that too, and I know Emily's the one. I think a part of me has always known, even back when I was too stubborn to admit it to myself. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this work. But, you're right, as usual, she needs time and I can't afford to make anymore decisions for her."

Jess wiped away the stray tears that had escaped. "Good, that's what I like to hear. And I won't make any promises, but I also twisted Emily's arm a little, about maybe letting you and Jack stay in her guest house, while you figure out more long-term concrete plans. It might make things easier having you and Jack so close by for Grace to get to know."

"I'm certain Emily wants you and Jack to have a relationship with Grace. She's not going to forbid you from seeing your daughter. But you have to let her be in shock, to scream, yell, cry, deal with this however she sees fit. You don't get to rush her, she's entitled to make this hard for you."

"Just let her be the overprotective mama bear. You don't get to be angry with her, or take out your frustrations with her. And you definitely don't get to insinuate yourself back into their lives like you have every right to them. Don't rush this, it's going to all work out if you give it the care, attention and time it needs."

Aaron smirked, he had always been rather fond of seeing Emily stand up for others."Emily loves fiercely, I have no doubt I will see her protective side frequently in the coming months. I know I don't deserve her, either of them really. But their mine and I never stopped loving Emily for a second, she was always on my mind."

Jessica hesitated saying the next bit, not sure if it was entirely her place to say. "For what it's worth, I know deep down she still loves you too, but I'm not sure that's enough, or if she can even forgive you. But, don't ever stop trying to win her back, I know you're the love of her life, and she's yours. You just need to be patient and listen, and let her find her footing first."

Aaron knew Jessica was right on all counts, it would be hard to be patient, but he needed to. "For her, I'm willing to wait forever if that's what it takes. Life doesn't make sense without her, I will accept my role in her life in whatever capacity she will have me. I can't live without her."

Jessica couldn't help smiling knowing they had a real chance of making things work. She was excited for them, and was sure she had gotten her point across. She was happy to move on to other topics, like Grace, certain the Hotchner boys were going to absolutely adore her niece.

"Ok enough of us being all doom and gloom, we both need a dose of cheer, what would you like to know about your daughter?"

Aaron's eyes lit up, he had endless questions he could bombard her with."Anything, everything, whatever your willing to share. Why don't you just start telling me about her and we will start there?"

There was so much she could say about her niece, she didn't know where to start. "It's safe to say for a while it was like Emily lost her shine, Gracie was the only thing that could really make her smile. It's always been obvious to anyone who sees them together, Emily's heart beats for that sweet little angel. God, she has always been the most loving, devoted, and perfect mother."

"The bond she has with Grace can't be broken, that little girl absolutely worships her mother. Aaron, I'm just elated for you and can't wait for you to have this chance to finally know your daughter. She's going to have you wrapped around her finger in no time, mark my words."

Aaron piped in enthralled by everything he was hearing. "I already love her, and if she's anything like her mother, which I imagine she is, I am certain she will have both myself and Jack ready to do her bidding in no time."

Jess couldn't help nodding in agreeance. "It's hard not to immediately fall in love just looking at that little cherub face. Those chubby cheeks and big brown expressive eyes. She mesmerizes everyone she meets, regardless of the walk of life they come from. Grace, she's the sweetest, most intelligent, well behaved little girl. She reminds me quite a bit of how Jack was at that age, especially with her never ending curiosity. "

"She's got a wild streak sometimes though, and can be absolutely fearless. Also her imagination, introspection, and empathy, know no bounds. She's definitely taken more than a few grown men down a peg or two with her sass and wit."

Aaron chuckled along with Jess at that, already knowing exactly where she inherited her personality and temperament from.

"She's 100% the mini version of her mom. Seriously her thirst for knowledge is unparalleled, she even speaks four languages already. Not that Emily's pushed it on her, Grace just loves to read and learn. It's the cutest thing watching her learn new words and converse with Emily. She truly is her mother's daughter through and through."

"Emily made arrangements when Grace was born, so doesn't travel out of town much anymore for work. But, anytime she has to leave for a case, she leaves Gracie the sweetest little love notes for her to decipher, with whatever language and grammar skills they are practicing. It helps distract Grace from missing Emily and they are constant reminders for her that she's beyond loved."

Aaron could feel his heart bursting with pride, having always known Emily was meant to be a mom. Ever since the case with Carrie Ortiz, he knew it was a secret dream she harboured, one she never thought she would have for herself. Once they got together, he learned even more so why it was so important to her.

He knew regardless, Emily was always afraid of turning out like her mother. Even then he thought it was mind boggling that she worried about something that couldn't be further from the truth. He had no doubt even when Grace was grown, she would always want and need Emily in her life.

He knew she loved Jack like he was her own, but he knew to some extent it was different getting to experience every part of a child's life. He hated knowing he had missed the whole pregnancy and the moment their little girl took her first breath. Timing wise, he knew that couldn't have been necessarily avoided, but every part he missed after, that was his fault.

Once more, Jessica's words broke him out of his inner musings."There's no doubt she's your daughter though too. Sometimes when something really stumps her, she gets this look of concentration, her expression and the way her eyebrows furrow, it's 100% you. And when she's angry, she goes dead silent and god, she does your glare. It's literally the most adorable thing I've ever seen."

The ringing of his phone interrupted Jessica from saying more. She immediately got up to afford Aaron privacy for conversation he was about to have. She decided to prepare coffee, tea, and breakfast for them both, to occupy her time productively until the call ended.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He almost dropped the phone when he noticed the number he had long ago memorized by heart, appearing on his cellphones display.

"Hey."

There wasn't much for him to glean from her succinct greeting. He suspected her choice to refrain from utilizing his name was simply a defence mechanism she was using to distance herself. He knew he could already be reading too much into the one word she'd spoken, but he liked to think he still knew her.

"Hey Em, I wasn't sure you'd actually call." He kept his tone light and jovial, hoping to put her at ease. Her next words reminded him he was the one on trial not her, and doubting her in anyway wasn't going to win him any points.

"I said I would be in contact. I'd have come over, but my little monkey is super clingy today. I also didn't want to spring my presence on Jack. I wasn't sure when him and Dave would be back from breakfast, if he would want to see me, or if it was even appropriate."

God Aaron loved her, and he had missed her nervous ramblings. But he knew she only really did it when she felt vulnerable. And he hated that she could ever think Jack could possibly hate her or not want to see her.

But, she didn't know Jack had mentioned her everyday for the duration they were in WITSEC, constantly bringing up ideas for plans they could do when they saw her next. Or how he'd animatedly retell his favourite memories featuring her, whenever something reminded him of her.

Aaron always calmly listened, truly interested in just how much his son loved and missed Emily. He had noticed Jack slowly stopped mentioning her, when they moved after they were in the clear. He probably came to the realization they weren't going back, and at the time Aaron had taken Jack's response as a blessing in disguise. His own heart couldn't take the constant reminders of Emily.

Now, he hadn't heard is son utter her name in years. He hated knowing he had taken away the only other woman who had loved Jack, just as his own mother had.

Aaron was glad to see Emily had the forethought to think of his son's feelings, just as she had always done so before. He truly didn't know how his son would have reacted to seeing her, and he would have hated her having false hope, if their interaction hadn't been positive.

He was broken out of his thoughts by her next words knowing he had paused too long without an appropriate response. "But, you should know by now I'm a woman of my word. If I say I'm going to do something, I follow through. It hasn't even been an hour since Jess called. And even if she hadn't prompted me to contact you, I would have done so eventually on my own accord."

Aaron could hear the growing spite in her words, knowing she was on the edge and her patience for him was already worn thin. And with the awkward silence that followed her previous statement, that she was just as nervous as him, if not more so.

And that, even if she held all the power and cards in their current situation, ultimately she was deeply hurt because of his choices. Whether he liked it or not, he was the cause of her pain and couldn't let her words rile him up too. It would be counterproductive for him to choose a passive aggressive response, so he tried for a more peaceful approach.

"Emily you're right, Jess said you would call, and you've always kept your promises before. I know we are both on edge, but I don't want us to fight. Not like this, over the phone. I'm not delusional, just because you called, I know it doesn't mean we're okay, and everything suddenly magically alright."

Emily could hear the sincerity in his voice, glad to know he wasn't making excuses. Instead it seemed he put serious care and thought into this. For Grace and Jack's sake alone, she knew she couldn't simply write him off, they deserved to have their family.

"I get it, I don't want to fight either, this is all just really hard for me. I mean you just suddenly showed up on my front door without any warning. I need to know, what is it you want or expect from me?"

"I want to officially meet Grace, and for me and Jack to be a part of her life. Jack doesn't know about his little sister yet. Jess said she would stay for a bit to help me tell him when him and Dave return. But, I already know he's going to absolutely love her, he's always wanted to have a sibling."

She hated how cheery and nonchalant he seemed. It grated on her nerves, his behaviour bordering on his expectation that he had any right to see the child she raised all alone without him. The one he hadn't bothered to ever check up on before, not even in passing. And now he suddenly basically demanded the chance to fulfill the role he so easily shirked before.

The excitement and joy in his tone irked her. What gave him the right after all these years to finally show up and expect to just be granted access to her daughter like he had any right. Sure legally and biologically he might be considered Grace's father, but aside from her conception, he had, had no part in her life thus far.

And hated being reminded that Jack should have had half a decade of memories made with his little sister already. Emily had always known he was meant to be a big brother. She still remembered feeling her ovaries quiver watching how sweet, loving, and adorable Jack was with Henry.

Especially when Henry was too little to do the same things Jack could, the older boy always patiently accommodated his friend. Looking out for him and protecting him, just as he would have done for Grace had he been given the chance to know her sooner.

"Oh so now you want to be in her life. You've already missed so much, it's been over five years, why now? I always wanted you and Jack in her life she deserved to grow up with her father and big brother."

"Em, I know you're not going to want to believe me, but I....I.."

He couldn't stop the stutter or the sob that followed with his next words. "I didn't know about her. I'm an fucking idiot ok, I didn't read the letters you wrote. I couldn't bear to open them. They are sitting unopened in a box, in my closet, back in our house in Williamsburg."

Words she could barely process or pack, because it hurt too much knowing maybe he hadn't known. Emily could feel her anger deflate with his emotional display. She knew from the fact he didn't try to hide his tears, he was desperate, but ultimately genuine in his words.

A resulting sniffle on her end could be heard, followed by a slow and steady deep breath. Her voice still shook and sounded almost meek in comparison to what it had been.

"I want so badly to believe you, to take you at your word about this. But, I didn't just write letters, I called, text, and emailed, I tried. You had ample opportunity to find out the truth and come back. I don't know what to believe anymore."

He could hear the fight in her voice deflate, leaving her with vulnerability and devastation. Yet, he knew she was trying to muster the courage and strength to compartmentalize and keep her mask in place. He hated that he was no longer entitled to see the woman hiding behind the mask. That he lost that right when he left her.

"You know me Em. I'm still the same person, do you really think had I known I would have left her. You know how much I love Jack and being a father."

Emily felt the sting of his words, and her blood boiled. "Good to know she would have been enough to come back for, had you known."

The moment the words had left his mouth, he had known she was going to misread his statement. But, before he could clarify and allay her doubts, she had already responded, her vulnerabilities shining through.

He didn't know how he would address all her fears, especially since he had given them even more merit. She had been the one person who had shown up for him time and time again, always having his back, proving he wasn't alone. It was more than that though, it was the way she had always believed in him when he couldn't believe in himself.

Aaron knew she had her own issues of trust and self worth as long as he had known her. And that his actions, had probably only proven to her, on her own, she wasn't incentive enough for him to return for. And now he was staying out of a sense of responsibility for Grace.

"Emily, no it's not like that, please don't misinterpret my words. You were enough, you were always enough, I'm the one who wasn't good enough for you. I would have and should have come back for you, I made a huge mistake, and I know I'm too late, but I still want a chance to fix it."

He hadn't been there when she needed him most, he knew now she would always hesitate to trust him. That the niggling doubt he created would always live in the back of her mind coming out at the most inconvenient times. He didn't think she would never be able to wholeheartedly believe him again. It would make proving his love for her next to impossible now.

At this point, there was no doubting the emotion and tears straining both their voices. They were both hurting and desperate and hurt, just wanting what was best for their kids. Emily was the one who broke the short stalemate that settled over them. She tried her best to sound calm, collected, and in control.

"You understand I can't just let her meet you, if you're randomly going to leave again. Just like you have to protect Jack, she's my main responsibility. I won't let you hurt or disappoint my daughter. If this is some temporary thing, or a you and Jack visit once or twice a year situation, I can't involve her."

Aaron was frustrated, but he knew she was absolutely right. Putting his intentions out there couldn't simple allay her worries and fears. It would take time, she needed to see him show up for her and Grace from now on, especially when it mattered most. He just hoped he could be half the parent she turned out to be in his absence.

Seeing Grace the night before, the one thing that was blatantly obvious was the instinctual bond she shared with her mother. One built sheerly on unconditional and altruistic love for one another. They were each other's whole world, he just hoped himself and Jack could find their place with them without too many trials and tribulations.

He knew he had caused enough heartbreak with his absence, he couldn't afford hurting his family anymore with his presence. And while it probably wasn't worth much, he needed to Emily to know how proud and appreciative he was for everything she accomplished without him. The most important being voicing his awestruck wonder at her superlative parenting skills.

"Your absolutely right Emily, and I know you, I have no doubt you have done an amazing job raising her on your own. That precious little girl wants for nothing, I saw her, how happy she is just having her mom, and how much she loves you. I'm in this for the long haul, I don't want to hurt her, or you ever again."

53 seconds passed before she quietly spoke again. Her words and obvious uncertainty squeezing his already aching heart. "You really didn't know about her? Because, I swear I tried. I would have driven to see you if I'd known. But at the time, I couldn't handle the possibility of you rejecting me in person too."

Emily could hear the strongest man she had ever known sob on the other end of the phone. "I know you tried, and I was an asshole for not picking up the phone any of the times you called. But, I seriously didn't know honey, and I hate myself for it. I'd be happy to drive back to Williamsburg and get all those sealed letters to show you, if it would give you peace of mind, so you'll believe me."

Some small part of Emily wanted so badly to insist he do just that, but she knew it wouldn't change anything now. The hopeful words written by her past self, couldn't make up for all the lost time. Now they were simply a time capsule of her thoughts and feelings of the love they once shared.

If he hadn't read them before, she wasn't sure she wanted him to read them now. It would be cruel for him and humiliating for her, to have her private thoughts see the light of day, after everything that happened. Emily considered asking for them back unopened, not sure she was ready to share the vulnerabilities of that part of her life with him anymore.

That was a decision she would have to let herself sleep on. She didn't know if it would help or hurt more to let him read them now. To allow him to keep such intimate and vulnerable secrets in his possession. All her hopes and dreams for them that were never fulfilled. She wasn't sure she was ready to address that period of her life and the aftermath of Scratch.

For now she knew in the grand scheme of things, the contents of her letters should be the least of her worries. She wasn't that person anymore, and she refused to let herself get lost in her feelings of the past. Her daughter was her present and future and all that mattered to her right now.

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for now. But, I just, I need to know your intentions, before you meet her. I don't want to get her hopes up and disappoint her. It's not fair to her, because she dreamed of meeting you both her whole life. So if you don't plan on being a permanent figure in her life, I need to know now, before you see her."

"I won't abandon our daughter, I want to spend as much time with her as you are willing to allow. I want to be her dad and be a part of her life full-time. And I want her and Jack to have a friend and sibling for life. I want a chance to do right by you and our children."

"And I get it if you aren't comfortable leaving me alone with Grace for the time being. I won't argue if you need to be present for visits or have one of the team with us at all times. Until you're comfortable with other arrangements, I will concede control to you and play by whatever rules you see fit."

He briefly hesitated for a second before saying the rest, knowing it might overwhelm her. Or worse, she wouldn't believe the truth conveyed in what she saw as words filled with empty promises and niave hopes.

"I also want to see you too Emily, and repair what I broke. But, I understand if you're not ready for that, I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. I hope we can at least find a way to be on friendly terms and spend time with the four of us altogether like a family."

Emily wasn't ready to sort and hash out any notions of romantic feelings, not when she was filled with such turmoil. Whatever she did or did not feel for him anymore, had to be placed on the back burner. She couldn't let it be a priority, she needed to focus on Grace and Jack.

"I was never going to keep her from you and Jack, I want Grace to know her family. It would probably be beneficial to both kids, for the four of us to all hang out together sometimes. But, I don't want to confuse them, or give them false hope that you and I will be a couple again. We need to focus on the kids, that's what matters."

"And you're right, I'm not sure how I feel about her being left alone in your care for the foreseeable future. It's not that I don't trust you with her, but my heart and mind are both wary given your recent track record. I know it's not rational, but I need to protect my daughter and make sure she can adjust to this change first."

"So, until Gracie is settled and fully comfortable with you and Jack, I think it's best either myself, Jess, or one of the team accompanies you with her. I know it's not ideal, but she doesn't know you, even with everything I told her over the years, you both are essentially strangers to her. I just I need to protect her and put her needs first."

Aaron could hear the fight reignite in her words, not wanting her to get worked up. But he knew for all intents and purposes she was right, about everything. And she was entitled to feel however she needed to, without giving him rationale. He hated the obvious stress she was under from the turmoil he had put her in.

"Em you don't owe me an explanation, but your right. The kids need to be put first, especially Grace, because she's not old enough to understand everything. It's going to be an adjustment for everyone, but I'm willing to do whatever I need to, to make this work."

His words were a start, but ultimately did nothing to fully reassure her or address the extent of her concerns. She needed to know just how serious he was about this, how much of a commitment he was ready to make. What he was willing to sacrifice to show he meant all the things he said.

"In her phone call to me, Jess said she wasn't entirely sure about your living arrangements, or if you had any plans to actually move back. She just mentioned you guys were down for March Break. Hotch I know it's fast, but I need to know if you intended to stay living in Williamsburg or if you're considering the option of moving back to town."

She had every right to know these details, but at the moment everything was up in the air. It also wasn't a conversation he meant to have over the phone. He wanted to have a deeper discussion with her before he left, without the kids present to bear witness if things got ugly and messy. He hoped when they really talked, it could be an open and brutally honest dialogue, where they had a chance to get everything important off their chests.

He had no doubt it would be a convoluted maze full of unforeseen twist and turns. That he wouldn't like everything he uncovered, and most of it would likely only cause him undue pain and heartache. And that getting her to open up would be hard, because she no doubt changed the locks and set up barricades and walls to keep him out.

He was holding out hope that one day they would get there. Even if it took months, years, decades or the rest of his life. When it no longer caused her pain to hear his voice. When he could leave her, and she could finally believe him without question, that he would come back.

"Em, we should probably talk soon and in person. Now that I know about her, I'm not going anywhere. I mean yes, I will have to go back to Williamsburg by to pack our things and sort a few things out. But, we are moving back, once I tell Jack about Grace, I know he will understand and agree. He's been begging me for years to visit everyone."

"Ideally I want us to move back tomorrow, but logically it probably makes more sense to wait until the summer. So Jack can finish out his school year without disruption, and so I have time to find a place for us to live. Worst case, I'm sure we can impose on Dave and stay with him when schools out until we can get settled back here."

He hated thinking about all the days inbetween he would miss until they were all living in the same city. But he planned to arrange scheduled phone calls/Skyping for every night and morning he could to fill the gaps in the interim.

"Until then, we can come up every weekend, and video chat on weekdays. We are only 2.5 hours away by car. It's not a perfect solution, but I'm willing to put whatever time and effort I can. If we leave every Friday when Jack gets out of school we can be here in time for dinner. And I don't care how early I need to get up and leave on Mondays to get Jack back in time for school. He can always sleep in the car, if it will give me a few extra hours to spend with you guys, it will be worth it."

Being the boss gave her control over her schedule, and she kept on top of her paperwork after Grace went to bed. Since she cut back on her role travelling with the team, she typically had Saturdays and Sundays off.

It would cut into her time with Grace, the weekends were usually spent having mother daughter time. Some days they would lounge around cuddling all day in their pajamas, building forts, having tea parties, watching movies, and playing games.

But, it made her pulse race hearing how passionately and enthusiastically he spoke about making time for them in his life. That he actually wanted to spend every second feasible with them. Weekends would be a good trial period until a more permanent arrangement could be made.

"It's ok if you stay here if you need to. I know Jess mentioned letting you guys stay in the guest house at my place. I'm not opposed to using that as a temporary solution for you and Jack, so you can be close by for Grace. It's not as big as Dave's mansion by any means, but it has two bedrooms, a bathroom, and kitchenette."

"We would love that, but I don't want you to feel obligated or uncomfortable. It's your home and I appreciate the offer, but we should put a pin on that idea until everyone is more settled and had a chance to meet."

In reality, he wanted nothing more than to take her up on her offer, anything that would allow him to be near his girls and see them as often as possible. But, he was trying to put her at ease, taking her feelings into account, making sure she knew he was going slow and steady for her sake.

She internally winced, feeling stupid for putting the offer out there. "You're right, we shouldn't rush anything. I know I myself probably will need some time to adjust to everything. I uh, took the week off to spend time with Grace, so we can make plans if you guys have some time in your schedule for the week."

"I'm sure I can speak for us both, we would love to spend is much time with you and Grace as we possibly can. I'm beyond excited to get to know her and I know Jack will be too, once I tell him."

"You can officially meet her tomorrow if you guys want. But, if Jack needs time to adjust, I won't force her on him. I refuse to let her be a pawn and get hurt if I can help it. Not that I think Jack would ever intentionally hurt his little sister, but he might need time to wrap his head around things."

Aaron knew Emily adored his son, and wasn't in anyway trying to offend him. "You're absolutely right Emily, thank you for always taking his feelings into account. I'll talk to him when he gets back from breakfast with Dave. If he's amendable to the idea, we are game for whatever my girls would like to do."

Their conversation was going so well, but he knew from her sharp intake of breath, she heard his possessive slip of tongue, and it wasn't going to go over well with her.

"I'll let you slide on that hiccup, because you promised not to push me on the topic of us. Please try to refrain from referring to me as yours in any way, especially infront of the kids."

In his mind and heart, she never stopped being his. Aaron couldn't help himself, but to keep the peace he immediately apologized, trying to smooth her ruffled feathers.

"Emily, I'm sorry, I just felt familiar and at ease with you, like before. I'll do my best make sure it doesn't happen again. Just know you have my whole heart, there hasn't been anyone else, and there won't be."

He couldn't stop himself for including that last bit, knowing it needed to be said. He had to at least try to show her his true intentions, so she knew with certainty nothing had changed for him. He wasn't trying to push, he just needed to make it clear where he stood.

"Aaron, I don't think you can't fix what you broke. I'm really not sure if we can ever get back to that place, or if I can ever risk my heart on you again. Not that I'm sure you ever gave my heart back when you left. So, please don't make this harder for me."

Hearing her say his name again should have made him overjoyed. But, Aaron could hear her quietly, almost silently sobbing, trying to muffle her tears. He was about to try to comfort her, when he heard the sweet, angelic voice that haunted his dreams the night before ring out in the background.

"Mommy why are you crying? Who is on the phone? Did some big meanie hurt your feelings? Do you need a hug mommy? I don't want you to be sad. "

Emily set the phone down, knowing he could wait. She discreetly wiped what tears she could before facing her daughter. She opened up her arms and Grace jumped into them with practised ease. Yet her grip tightened feeling something off about her mom's demeanor, holding on to her for dear life hoping she was ok.

"Hey baby it's ok sweetie. Mommy's fine, nothing's wrong, I promise. Can you please go back to the living room and pick out a movie to watch. Mommy is going to finish her conversation, and I'll come find you in 10 minutes. And then we can both wash our hands together and bake some cookies."

Emily had known the mention of a movie and baking, would work to immediately distract her little girl. Just like her mama, she had a sweet tooth and a love of all things homemade. Grace cheered, nuzzling her mother's cheek.

"Ok mommy, but we hafta make lots so we can share with Aunt Jessie when she gets back. She deserves a treat too."

Emily chuckled, knowing while Grace would no doubt save some for her aunt, but she would also con said woman into sharing her portion with her. Emily planned to hide some, and make some of Jack's favourite peanut butter cookies while she was at it.

"Sure baby, sounds good, we will make lots. If you want to be a big help you can grab the recipe book and the big bowl out of the cupboard."

Emily could feel her daughter wiggling about in anticipation of endless warm, sweet treats. She carefully set the little girl down knowing she'd immediately run off to prepare, just as her mother asked.

She didn't expect her daughter to stop at the doorway of her office and turn back. But it warmed her heart hearing her daughter's "Ok mommy, but hurry please, I missed you."

Emily could stop herself from walking towards the light of her life and kissing her forehead. She knew she was beyond lucky to have the most empathetic little girl on the planet. "I'll be speedy monkey, you better go get those things ready, I promise, I'll be there before you know it."

Emily waited before she could no longer hear Grace's little foot steps race to complete her tasks. Emily cautiously picked up the phone, feeling both awkward and relieved from Grace's interruption. Her daughter had given her the perfect out to wrap up their sensitive discussion to be had at a later date.

"Well you heard the boss. I have to go. But, if you want we can meet at the park tomorrow for a picnic. And maybe dinner and movie after, depending how things go. I mean as long as you don't have any other plans."

Aaron cleared his throat, having been distracted and lost in thought hearing his sweet little girl interact with her mother. It took him a second to realise Emily was now talking to him.

"No. Sorry I mean we have no plans. That sounds perfect. Do you need me and Jack to pick up any food or bring anything?"

Emily considered accepting his offer, but she knew she had everything they needed for a picnic in her kitchen.

"Well I know what Grace likes. And I used to know what you and Jack like, unless things have changed." She paused, knowing she had already made it awkward.

"No, Nothings changed Em." He paused briefly, hoping she picked up on the deeper meaning. "We will happily consume whatever you bring. Just if you think of anything you need from me, please text me, it's no bother."

"Ok. Can you maybe let me know later how things go with Jack. I don't want to put Jess in an uncomfortable position. I know she's nervous enough about seeing him."

"I can definitely do that Emily. You better go, before you keep our little princess waiting too long. I promise I'll call later. Well I'll shoot you a text first in case your busy but I swear I'll call."

"Okay, I'll hold you to that then."

"Okay. I'll talk to you soon Em."

"Bye for now then I guess."

"Bye." He so badly wanted to add I love you with his farewell, but knew that wouldn't go over well. It was both much too soon and too late for such declarations.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #random edits #hotchniss #empathy #soulmates #twinflame #true love #jessica brooks #jack hotchner

6 notes · View notes

nightingaletrash · 9 months

Text

Fed up of my inability to write rn so fuck it, dad!Halsin and Nemeia hcs:

Finding out that they were father and daughter caused some very intense emotions to come up because by this point, they'd run into Kyreth (Nem's mum) who had chosen not to say anything about it even after finding out that Nem and Halsin were travelling together

(She has 8 INT and trauma, she can't help it)

So poor Nem is mad as hell because her mum was there and could have told her and didn't, and she's always loved and trusted her mum unconditionally and this revelation complicates things

Halsin was devastated in his own way because he had a child all this time and it was kept from him??? He wonders what he did wrong to cause Kyreth to keep it from him, and feels horrible that poor Nem is taking it so badly, he's definitely blaming himself for it in the beginning

Poor man had no idea how to approach the situation even though he knows it needs addressing, but eventually went to talk to her after some bullying from Oliver and a little wisdom from Thaniel

(They were the ones who told them in the first place because they could 'see their shared blood' and kids - fey or otherwise - have no social filter)

Nem isn't really upset with Halsin at all, it's just that she spent her whole life thinking her father was likely dead or smth when really he was just out there the whole time, completely unaware of her existence and Kyreth knew exactly where he was the whole time????

(It's Control-Based Trauma bay-bee!!!)

Neither of them really know how tf to go about this, but they decide to give being family a shot

The first thing Halsin does as her father is to teach her some basic druidic magic - Speak with Animals was the one she was most excited to learn by far

Karlach absolutely expects some kind of shovel talk because that's what parents do when you're dating their kids, right? It's totally normal. Halsin doesn't really see it as his place and is a bit perplexed at why Karlach wants him to threaten her for being the love of Nem's life

(Please just commit to the bit Halsin, she spent ten years in Avernus, let her have this)

Once they get to Baldur's Gate, they run into Nem's family friends and the like. The moment they find out Halsin is her dad, they are eager to share the baby stories

(Especially the embarrassing ones)

(Nem is dying)

The party sets up at Nem's house - aka her childhood home - and Nem is left telling the various stories behind all the crayon drawings on the walls

Halsin's definitely teased her about it

Still, he tells her stories about his own youth and how he grew up; he's happy to share his own embarrassing tales about his own misadventures when he was a child

She's tried to get him to share some songs he's picked up on his travels, though he's pretty sure she's doing it just to get him to sing

(He's half right, but she also likes learning new songs damnit)

When they need to stock up on food, Nem makes sure to grab any sweet treats she thinks he'll like - she'll get extras if the city has really gotten to him

Some evenings, she shows him some of her favourite spots in the city, particularly any that he might like as a little getaway from the crowds

He takes the chance to teach her some more druidic magic or teach her some of the skills he's picked up in his travels

There's a little uncertainty about physical affection at first, but once they start getting comfortable with it, Halsin doesn't hesitate to pull her into big ol' bear hugs

She starts doing the 'lean against dad for comfort' thing

Their first real argument was when he suggests that the Shadow Druids are right; Nem takes offence that Halsin would even entertain the notion of aligning himself with people who were happy to see a child get murdered for the crime of not wanting to be forced out of a safe haven to face certain death

She hasn't forgotten the words thrown about by his fellow druids or the looks they gave her for being a tiefling either

She argues that life in a city might be vastly different from the wilderness, but there's still good to be found in it. Things could be better, but refusing to engage on any level besides violence won't make that change happen

Halsin sits on what she says and eventually sits down to talk about it with her; they reconcile and have a better understanding about how they each view the world

He likes to mess with her when she's drinking with the others. It usually involves him picking her up and putting her over his shoulder or taking her drink away and holding it up over his head so she can't reach it

After Karlach dies, Nem seems to hold it together so well, but Halsin knows it's only a matter of time before she breaks. He invites her to join him, but she declines because she needs to attend to some affairs in the city, like checking in with friends and family, making arrangements for Karlach, and assisting with the aftermath if she can

He's hurt himself laughing from the dramatics she causes

Horn rubs for itchy tiefling horns

She tried to troll him by prodding him with her tail - it worked for about five minutes before he got her back with vines

He gets a promise out of her that she'll at least come visit when things are settled

He whittles her a little whittled songbird as a gift and gives it to her before he goes

It's only six months later that she shows up, wearing her best smile and being her usual cheerful self

She gives him a little wooden duck that she whittled herself. It's definitely rough compared to anything he makes, but he loves it so much because she made it for him

He worries about her anyway because he can tell that she's not actually processed Karlach's death yet and he recognises the exhaustion behind her eyes

He sits her down one evening to talk about the burden she's carrying and he's not the least bit surprised when she finally just breaks

There's nothing that can be said to make it better, so he just holds her until she runs out of tears

She doesn't stay forever - for all its flaws and ghosts, she loves her home - but she stays longer than she planned because there's something healing about being in this little community that Halsin's built

Halsin finally teaches her some songs that he knows; Nem loves his singing, even if he can't stay in tune to save his life

He encourages her to teach some of the kids how to sing and play instruments

He's not prepared to be greeted by a song about him

(It's not a mean song by any measure, but she's not above teasing him here and there)

He may or may not have died of laughter when he heard it

Some nights bring nightmares of mindflayers and cultists and shadows - they're chased away with warm milk and honey, and a bit of company

#nightingale rambles #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #halsin #nemeia #dont mind me just babbling to myself #writing is stupid and hard atm

2 notes · View notes

petalsmooth · 2 years

Text

And it’s a two way street.

Jughead loves her.

It’s difficult for him you understand. He didn’t quite understand Tabitha when he met her. When he asked her why she was so kind to him...he isn’t used to being loved like this.

Jughead’s experiences with love have not been healthy. His father probably comes the closest to the purest love he ever had but Skeet’s exit sort of de-evolved their evolution as father and son. As for a time, FP was willing to turn his entire life around to be there for his son. The son who stayed with him. The one who didn’t give up on him when lying in an alcoholic stupor. For a short while Jughead had ONE healthy loving relationship with a flawed man who loved him and (belatedly) put him first by finding gainful employment, drying out, and encouraging his son’s dreams.

Outside of that year...we’re given to understand his relationship with his father is strained again.

RAS and co. can present this friend group as they please but we all know those “friends” turned their back on him and betrayed him. The woman he planned on sharing a life with betrayed him. His mother betrayed him. His sister? She wanted him in her life but her means of keeping him there was toxic to herself and her family. Outside of Pops, everyone in his life who claims to care about him lies to him. Uses him. Hurts him. Disparages him. Or abandons him. And in Pops case...look. He cares about Jughead and always has but he was NOT family. He owned a diner but the relationship only went so far. Now that he’s dating Tabitha I’m sure it’s evolved but...

Tabitha is different. Not only in his personal experience but just observation to those around him. His relationships aren’t the only ones that have been toxic. Maybe the only non toxic one he ever saw was Fred and Mary and they still broke up because wanted different things. Tabitha’s a completely foreign element to his life and is it any wonder narrator Jughead has anointed her a literal Angel? Compared to his experience with anyone else? She is.

Jughead has a lifetime of trauma and repression. He has learned to guard himself, to put walls up. He is careful with heart because he doesn’t have the ability to hold back. When he loves, he loves unconditionally, unselfishly and if he gives that gift to the wrong person...they have the power to do irrevocable harm. We’ve seen the damage done by Betty and his mother. His father and sister. Archie.

I really don’t believe he ever thought he would love someone again. I definitely don’t think he thought someone would or could love him. If in passing he ever considered the possibility, it probably resembled the distorted negative influences he experienced before. He has nothing to compare Tabitha to and I could see it being frightening and a bit like almost too good to be true.

Yet he does love Tabi. You can feel it and you can see it. Even without saying it, it’s there. She is the only person he completely and truly trusts. That means a great deal for someone like Jughead who has had his trust betrayed repeatedly. He TRUSTS her to do right by him and by others. To consider their feelings and well being and not just her own. She doesn’t do it for affirmation, or financial gain. She simply wishes to help. Tabi has a servant’s heart and it mirrors his own actually...just without the hard earned cynicism.

I actually think that’s one of the qualities he loves most about her. Her outlook on life. She sees the world for what it is but doesn’t let it break her or change her. She is determined to make life better. In some respects I think he’s awed by her. Perhaps even inspired? I very much think Narrator Jughead isn’t the only one to see her as the living embodiment of an Angel, you saw it in how he looked at her when Pop’s burned down and she admitted not having insurance. His world is brighter when she is in it. He’s happier when she is there, he feels safe with her and loved. He no longer feels alone.

I could go on and on about the two of them and didn’t even delve into the mutual attraction/passion that is there but that is what some in the fandom don’t understand. It’s there, it’s been shown. The breathlessness when kissing, the knowing looks cast at each other as they see their effect and feel a racing heart. The way how they feel has them acting like teenagers giggling, stealing a flower from a restaurant vase or sneaking out of a “date” with her parents. The need for even the most casual of a touch. It’s just their passion is expressed through more than a touch or kiss. It’s in their unshakeable devotion to each other.

They care for each other. In every encouraging word, in every ear they lend to hear what each have to say. In a simple text asking her to hurry home from a business trip because he needs her and loves her. How he seeks her out when the voices are crashing thunderously in his head. How she collapses in his arms in grief because she learned he is fated to die and she cannot stop it. How she does a very un-Tabitha thing and takes a single selfish action to bring him back to her so she can have a few more days with him. THIS is passion and a pity if anyone is so conditioned to the ephemeral expression of love that they miss the kind of passion that sets a relationship apart from transitory to lasting.

21 notes · View notes

princepipper · 3 months

Note

Also you talked about Abby and Gabe's relationship, but what about Pipper? Do they get along too, or is she more of a tomboy who doesn't want to hang out with the girls? 😂

I love that you are so invested in my fictional child haha. 💕

Anyway yes, Pip and Abby get along just as well as Abby and Gabe! But obviously there are some differences, mother-daughter relationships are often a little deeper in most cases. I'm going to unravel some thoughts about the dynamics in the relationship between the three, including a tad more about Gabriel for context.

I guess to Abby, Gabe is the parent she sees as the family protector. She knows that he will be there to keep her and Pip safe, and that no matter what she can go to him if she needs help with something. She sees Gabe as very smart, which tbh is true in my verse, he graduated both high school and university with honours and always was a straight-A student. Pip is smart in her own right, but much more average, leaning into the arts and sciences over things like mathematics and technology like Gabe. Regardless, Abby thinks of Gabe as highly knowledgeable and likes to watch him work, admiring his ability to focus and quickly complete tasks. She also sees him as strong, but she admits that he's not nearly as tough as her uncle One (and she learns early on that Gabe does NOT like being compared to his brother lmao).

Mainly, Gabe fills the role of dad in her life about as well as he should, providing her with security, but also a fun companion- she likes to play video games with him and show him all the random things she collects on her adventures in the garden (her favourite being cool rocks, or maybe even pointing out the unique shapes of the clouds above). Gabriel takes a little time to adjust to being an engaging dad, but he settles for the quieter activities with her, helping with homework, even reading aloud before bed. And believe it or not, Gabriel is the parent Abby comes to with anything she deems secretive, feeling more comfortable telling him about her problems than anybody else (unless it's something she'd hiding from both parents, in which case she tells Swag haha).

Now, Abby's relationship with Pipper is not quite the same, but still totally healthy. To Abby, Pip is the source of comfort in her home, the one who always cooks tasty meals, who greets her with a bright smile no matter what. Pipper would be the parent who can better keep up with Abby's hyperactive tendencies, not above getting down and dirty in the mud to help her daughter search for bugs. Pip's unique personality and habit of excessive speech never bothers Abby, and it benefits her because she grows up to be very non-judgemental of those around her, like the kids at school who don't seem to fit in. She also is taught acceptance when it comes to appearances, never seeing things like fat or natural complexion as ugly, because Pip is overweight and doesn't wear make up, but is still very pretty to Abigail. I think in the long run, Pipper is the one responsible for teaching Abby to handle her emotions, following the path that Pip took from her own mother, and loving her family and friends unconditionally. The only difference there is that Abby doesn't battle with her self-worth like Pip did- with both her parents present and always-nurturing, she never feels like she isn't enough, or that she can't love herself like everyone else!

So yeah, Pip provides the emotional support for Abby, and also teaches her some pretty important life lessons! I also feel like Pip would be the one to handle anything that comes with puberty, when Abby gets older haha. As decent a dad as Gabe is he wouldn't do very well with stuff like that. Abby once walked in on him in the shower (she was quite young) and just the memory is extremely awkward for poor Gabe, let alone the body-related questions that followed...

Anyway, to finish answering your question, Abby is more of a tomboy but that doesn't affect her bond with Pip at all! She might not like frilly dresses or whatever, but she isn't totally against being feminine like Pipper either. Other than her mom, the only female role models she has are Janice and Dani, Janice being the one who typically engages her with some more girly activities, hehe. ...I think that Bitter would maybe be down for that stuff too. Like, clothes and make up. Swag could be cool with keeping her stylish, but Janice is the real expert and honestly, with Abby being such a busybody it's not really a great idea to put her in any expensive outfits.

#that got long-winded! but part of this stuff is for me too #i can always look back at these posts and gather my thoughts haha #ask #abby

0 notes

fishwishkiss · 2 years

Text

Nawapol Thamrongrattanarit "Die Tomorrow" review

Death..

I've always known death.

It all started with my brother. I lost him at a very young age, when I was 2, and ever since my life has revolved around death. I was obviously too young at the time to even fathom what death meant, but I felt. I felt what my parents felt, I felt an absence, I felt a silence, I felt an empty room. My parents have always been very open about that. I've read the letters my mom wrote to him after he died, I've touched the plush that my father had bought for him, as he did for my sisters and I. I've even saw pictures of his dead body, free of any life, a bluish skin. Then, around 6, I finally understood what it meant, and the crushing weight of death and its hold on my family, a trauma that will haunt us forever, especially my father, who has never really grieved.

As if it weren't enough, I thought about ending my life multiple times. As soon as I grieved my brother, I had to face the possibility of my own death. And as if it weren't enough, I have this very strong fear of losing the ones I love. Nightmares, insomnia, are manifestations of this fear. Thankfully, I haven't been exposed to the loss of a friend yet, and I truly hope it will remain that way for as long as possible. My relationship with my family (blood) being quite.. complicated, I had to turn to a whole new family (heart). The future unconditionally involves this family of friends, and always will. My child will have dozens of uncles and aunts, as I have dozens of brothers and sisters. Maybe it's why I'm so obsessed with films about grief, death, and family. These films help me to understand what I couldn't in the 21 years of life I spent with my family.

Today, not even 12 hours before watching this film, I learned that a girl who was in my class from 6th to 10th, grade, Marine, died in a violent car crash a year ago. We used to hang out together from time to time, until some high school drama showed up and our group split up in two halves. Though we hadn't had any contact in 8 years, and our last interactions were based on pure contempt, I was strongly shocked by this new. I've heard of many kids dying around my hometown, especially on the very road where it happened, but this was the first time I heard about someone I used to know. She was only 22. May you rest in peace.

We all face death at some point, but I can't help feeling like death is a complete part of my life, of me, and that it will always be an obsession in my conversations and in my works.

One thing I love about Nawapol Thamrongrattanarit is how he integrates documentary into fiction. My favorite director, Hirokazu Kore-Eda, uses that a lot, mostly in his early works. You may think using documentary tropes and techniques could make the fiction a lot heavier, but this is where the talent of these two directors lies: they are able to turn the heaviness of life, death, illness, broken families, into very soft, very gentle, almost warm and welcoming instants, outside our universe's timeline, like bubbles, like photographs. Thamrongrattanarit used this very idea in the movie I discovered him with, 36, consisting of 36 still frames in which the characters evolve, sometimes even leaving the said frames.

As an aspiring filmmaker (among many other Xmakers), I can only admire how you can capture so beautifully the complexity of the mere creatures we are, all ridiculously trying our best not to be forgotten.

Death, in its own way, is what makes us human.

#review #letterboxd

0 notes

zivazivc · 3 years

Text

Pinocchio AU

Okay people want the explanation for this comic so here it goes. It’s long and complicated and MESSED UP because of course it is, this is me. I’m going to write in points because my small tired brain can’t handle good english atm but basically to sum up the Adrien was a sentimonster theory or Pinocchio AU as I like to call it:

Young married Emilie and Gabriel can’t have kids. Gabriel reluctantly accepts this fate and even brings up adoption as a possibility once, but Emilie doesn’t want to hear any of that. She’s a bit of a Marinette in the sense that she pictures this romanticized ideal life for herself and a child—her flesh and blood—HAS to be in it.

They keep trying to get a baby while other young families Emilie knows keep growing. She feels left out and hurt and depressed, then her newlywed twin sister announces she’s expecting a baby too and something within Emilie just unhinges.

She eventually lies to some of her friends, who she was out for coffee with, that she’s pregnant too. She mostly does it just to see their reaction and feel what it would be like but it quickly spirals out of control where she just starts pretending she’s pregnant until you can’t even tell if she believes it herself.

Gabriel is confused at first because he hears the news second hand (a friend/family member congratulating him) so he’s apprehensive when he approaches his wife but she convinces him that they really are getting a baby and Gabriel is ecstatic.

It’s only later at a doctor’s check up that Gabriel learns that she indeed is not pregnant. The doctor even speaks to him alone explaining that his wife is in denial and that he should make sure she goes to see a psychiatrist, something she definitely wouldn’t do alone.

Gabriel is unsuccessful with that because he’s not entirely persistent, doesn’t want to be the guy with the crazy wife having to tell everyone she lied about being pregnant, and hopelessly believes she’ll just get over it eventually.

That is until her “pregnancy is near due”—her sister already had Félix in England a few months ago—and he stumbles on her transformed with her peacock miraculous (they already have both of them) creating a sentimonster newborn.

They have a huge fight about it but because Emilie refuses to destroy it, won’t tell Gabriel where the amok is, and Gabriel can’t just hurt the baby with his hands, Emilie just… wins. Fucked up, yeah?

Now she tried creating kids before this one, using her imagination to try and blend her and Gabriel’s looks but it just wasn’t working. So she decided to copy of photos of baby Félix because he already looked almost like a copy of his mother, and Amélie and Emilie already looked alike so it’s not so weird?—is what her mind was telling her.

She didn’t dare alter his looks but she decided to give the baby Gabriel’s eye color to include the “father” in some way. (Yes in that comic I made I gave Adrien a mix of green and gray but that was mainly to get the point across to the perceptive readers)

Now we got Adrien, a normal baby boy to the whole world except for Gabriel who’s forced into his wife’s fantasy through social expectations.

Why are we only at this point and this post is already so long AAAAAAAA!!!

Adrien physically basically grows in a way where Emilie just keeps changing his appearance to match what Félix looked like a few months prior.

Mentally he’s like a robot just taking in information without really needing to learn it. So Emilie decides when he says his first word, she decides when he learns to walk,… He knows how to walk, he just wasn’t given the command to do so yet.

But even so he does develop a personality over time, just slower, because unlike a normal child who’s always testing his boundaries, how far they’re allowed to go until they’re in real trouble, Adrien just can’t misbehave. At all.

But he does have his favorite foods and favorite toys, and jokes that make him laugh the most. The problem is just that Emilie could just decide that his favorite food is strawberries and he’d just start acting accordingly, rewiring his belief.

He also isn’t allowed to argue or be mean to others which is why Félix thinks he’s a goody two-shoes weirdo while Chloé the brat adores him.

This behavior isn’t so hard to hide with a toddler who’s fickle but it’s harder and harder as the kid grows. Which is why the family becomes very secluded over time.

Gabriel always keeps distance with his “son”. He’s not Dad, he’s Father, he doesn’t do hugs and cuddles, he doesn’t say I love you. But Adrien knows he loves him because his mom told him so and he loves him back unconditionally because Mom said that’s what families do.

Now even though Gabriel is traumatized by this whole ordeal and knowing Adrien “isn’t real” freaks him out he does soften a bit over time. I’m going to give an awful example but like someone who hates cats softening for a cat that their partner/roommate decided to get/had from before. Continuing with this example: But still becoming appalled when the cat starts acting odd/unusually.

Okay I think you get the gist. Let’s move on…

Emilie loves her son more and more as he grows and his sentimonster behaviours start bothering her more and more too. She hates being reminded that he’s not a real boy by people mentioning he looks young for his age because Emilie forgot to make him grow for a while. She hates when he does everything like he’s told. She hates that he has no real friends because they’re afraid to expose him to the outside too much and without supervision. She hates to think about his future.

Her desire for him to be real keeps growing and is what drives her to search for a solution in the miraculous spellbook.

She cracks the script after years, when Adrien is nearly a teen, and finds a way to transfer the creators soul into a sentimonster.

It’s a long process that takes time and while she falls ill to everyone around her, Adrien becomes more real.

Gabriel starts realizing what’s happening when he notices Adrien hesitate for a second when he’s playing a video game and Gabriel wants him to do something, groan when he gets bothered watching TV, huff, complain, have slightly opposing opinions to his and Emilie’s, when he argues with his mother when she tells him she’s feeling fine; when he notices his son’s eyes are greener. Or is it all in his head?

He confronts his wife too late, when she’s extremely ill already, her normally vibrant eyes dulled match Adrien’s bluish gray, and he pieces together in his head what she’s doing.

Before Gabriel could properly think what to do to stop the love of his life from turning into a lifeless doll, in a fit of panic he tries to take her wedding band (where he knows Adrien’s amok is) to get rid of Adrien instead, but is unsuccessful in getting it off her so he snatches her peacock brooch instead (which she needs to complete the spell obvs) and breaks it. (Heyoo! broken peacock miraculous. things are coming together)

Because the spell was almost complete anyway it’s Emilie who falls unconscious. But she doesn’t disappear because she’s not a real sentimonster, she just becomes dormant like one.

This is the point in the story where Gabriel makes it seem like Emilie ran away or something like that—basically disappear. Now he’s living knowing he has an almost sentimonster wife in the basement, knowing he almost killed his son (or her), and having to care for a son that suddenly became much more alive, questioning, arguing, angry, screaming, not accepting, crying, grieving, staring at him with Emilie’s eyes.

Instead of becoming a real parent, Gabriel shuts him out.

Soon Adrien evolves desires for socializing, company, getting away from the suffocating home which eventually leads to him going to a public school.

He slowly starts to live life freely without the restrictions that were put around his thoughts.

Gabriel has an even stranger relationship with Adrien now because he still loves him in a way but also holds resentment toward him. But mostly he sees him as something valuable.

The show happens here… And now finally we get to the comic…

Gabriel gets a hold of the ladybug and black cat miraculouses. (There’s no epic fight in his lair as you see there’s no Ladybug in the comic but that’s not really important)

What’s important is that Gabriel had deciphered the miraculous spellbook with the help of Emilie’s notes and had decided to use the unification’s “wish” power to awaken Emilie.

He’s aware he’ll need to sacrifice something for the wish to come true and he’s certain Adrien should be enough because the soul inside him is literally the one thing Emilie is missing.

✨Adrien (poor boy just lost his miraculous) is taken to Gabriel’s lair, where he finds out his father is Hawk Moth, sees his mother, learns he’s a sentimonster, and that he’s going to become a sacrifice ✨

Of course the last part is not what happens. It’s Gabriel who ends up being sacrificed.

I can’t decide if Gabriel ends up sacrificing himself because he changed his mind in the last moment while Adrien was screaming for him to stop, OR because he didn’t love Adrien enough for him to be considered an equal exchange for his wife… O.O

But anyhow…

Emilie wakes up with Gabriel’s soul within her (hence the bluish gray eyes in the comic).

Adrien is traumatized for life.

This took me hours to write… I knew there was a reason why I didn’t want to do it. I hope I didn’t forget anything and my brain made sense of it all

Well there you have it, peeps. The Pinocchio AU. It’s as messed up as my sleep schedule. Good night.

#and they all lived happily ever after. the end #ml #miraculous ladybug #sentimonster adrien theory #sentimonster!adrien #adrien agreste #emilie agreste #gabriel agreste #pinocchio au #answered #my art

3K notes · View notes

husbandohunter · 3 years

Note

Dottore with short drabble “You only ever brought me pain and I’m sick of it.”

Something angsty pls? Thank you!

Tainted Glass [Dottore x Reader/Genshin Impact]

Synopsis: Can you escape the prison you made?

(A twisted Cinderella story. The girl was covered in cinders because she was fatally addicted to drowning in flames.)

Warnings: angst, emotional abuse, violence, death

(A/n): To be honest anon, I didn’t know what the word ‘drabble’ means until I googled it. I uh...hope you don’t mind the length :>

-----------------------

You fell back against the cold hard floor with your arms bent and head turned sideways. The stinging pain spreads across your cheek. It burns. But your mind was still trying to register what had just came into fruition.

Why?

The thought was so foreign somehow as if you could hardly believe he was doing this. But then the scene plays in your head again. You froze, your gaze enlarged and clueless while staring at the pale ground as it slowly begins to darken in the seeping movement of his menacing, haunting shadow.

"Insolent woman, you wretch!" He spat in a disgusted tone, "How dare you speak to me in such demanding manner? Have I already told you, only talk when you have something important to say?"

You didn't respond, rather you merely let the strands fall in front of your vision as you gingerly pressed your hand against the place where he hit you.

I…don't quite understand…

Dottore glowers down at your hunched form. He was never a man known for the virtue of patience. This man, the one who calls him your husband, you learned a long time ago to not meet his eyes as they would signal a hint of dominance amidst his authority, especially during moments like these. You came to feel his eyes instead, they were usually intense and full of wrath, sometimes crazed and curious while looking at his finest creations. He always loved experimenting in his labratory. After all, it was the only thing that could truly make the madman smile.

What is it that I'm missing? Where did I go wrong?

And you would do anything to obtain at least a fraction of the love he had left in his heart.

He marches onward with heavy footsteps, paying no mind to your well-being, "Tch get out of my sight. I don't have the time to entertain with anymore these theatrics."

At the sound of him leaving you darted your attention towards him, "Wait, come back. Come back, " you plea softly, "Hector…" But he ignores your call. The back of your fiance disappears behind the door and slams it with a resounding thud. He was gone. You couldn't save him.

"No," As a result, you burried your face into your palms and cried.

“I'm sorry.”

…

What is love?

Being raised in one of the most prestigious bloodlines of Fontaine, a life filled with riches since your parents were well known scholars throughout Teyvat, they provided you and your family with everything you needed. From exquisite dishes to priceless jewelry, yet even among those riches you never did find an answer to your question. They were tangibles and short-lasting, eventually leaving you with nothing until the glass of your heart was filled empty. They seemed to have cared more about their fortune along with the brightest child of their family line, your brother, a male heir, someone who fulfilled their expectations where you couldn't do so. And because he was able to give them what they wanted, he was loved.

I see, love is conditional.

Realizing that you possessed no talent to achieve what your brother had accomplished, you came to accept that you were undeserving of their love. Love was for the smart. Love was for the gifted. Love was for everything you are not. There was no place for your kind and thus you locked yourself up in your bedroom chambers along with your fragile heart where no one would try to find you, picking up the books upon the shelves and getting lost in their fantasies.

They told you many beautiful things about the world and many reasons why it was so tragic. Because they weren't real. The story begins with a princess who was a kind-hearted soul, deprived from the care of her evil stepmother and dreams of marrying a prince from a land far far away. They often end on a happily ever after with the princes finding her one true love. You've never seen anything like it. Where two people, despite the struggles they went through, loved each other unconditionally.

Unconditional love only exists in dreams.

Or so you thought to believe.

One day a man marched right at the doorsteps of your mansion. He was a student coming all the way from Sumeru Academia and had high hopes of building a business partnership with your father. The man was declined of course, you watched from the garden bushes as he was sent off back into his carriage. He stops abruptly and turns his head ajar to catch your figure, his inquisitive eyes were both striking and sharp. Like thorns of a rose that was ready to prick anyone who dares to come close. Even so, they made a very lasting impression.

Red eyes.

It was the first time that someone had looked your way.

Couple of months later, the government had arranged a grand ball where all nobles would gather and commit to building their social circle. Useless events. There was no reason for you to engage. While your parents were occupied with the latest gossips and your brother surrounded by fathers who were eager to marry their daughters to him, you snuck outside to the balcony and hid away from the crowd. Quiet at last. And as things should be. The moon was your only friend because she was just like you; half empty. Maybe that was why you still had a glimmer of hope for the other half to be filled.

Part white, you inquired, pristine and untainted. From far away it looked similar to snow.

"My, how pleasantly surprising."

While the other part was stained with black cinders.

You glanced over your shoulder to see a man leaning against the pillar. His mint coloured bangs were slicked back in a trendy fashion, complimenting the white suit he adorned himself with. The golden chains hanging around his ebony boots dangled and clanged with each step he took forward until the light finally reveals his face.

"You seem familiar," you say while squinting your eyes, "Are you the person my father rejected back in February?"

He quirks one brow and you were afraid if you had offended him. But before you could utter an apology, the man splits his lips into a toothy grin and bursts out into a maniac-like laughter. He was completely insane, you thought to yourself. Though he paid no mind to your discomfort and continued to dwell in his amusement, "Hahaha straightforward, I like it! So what if I am? Is it a requirement to be a noble for me to simply have a chat?"

"And if I may ask why?"

"Hmmm, why?" The man reaches for the balcony and presses his back there. He threw his head backward before drilling his ruby gaze into yours, "I too am not fond of annoying crowds. Those snobbish fools thinking they're above everyone else just because they have a couple of mora when that is all they are worth. It's almost too hilarious for my own good."

You could tell there was disdain in his tone. Mainly towards your father who were one of the many unkind nobles of Fontaine and was only liked because of his success. Gripping your hands upon the stone railings, you looked down at the distant trees below while the wind rustled them apart, "I can't deny that," you say dissapointedly, "It's common for nobles not to associate with lower classes as it could potentially ruin their image. Though I may not have been there but I'm sure you had much to offer in terms of your brilliance, erm, Mister…?"

"Hector," Hector placed a palm on his chest with a polite bow following suit, "Hector Dufour-Lapointé. It is a pleasure to make you an acquaintance Lady (Y/n)."

"You know my name?"

"How could I not?" Hector smirks lazily as he danced around you, "I saw you before hiding behind the rose bushes back in your estate. Quite curious why you didn't attempt to say hello."

He even remembers that too. You fiddled with the fabric of your dress, "My apologies. I'm not use to socializing so much."

“Is that so? I think you're not giving yourself enough credit," he complimented while shrugging, "This is much more entertaining than hanging in that insufferably crowded room, it was an unexpected occurence to meet you here of all places. However, I must say time can fly if I'm able to enjoy myself."

You shifted away from his stare, "You flatter me. We've only been talking for a few minutes."

"I have yet to realize it then" Hector's cheerfulness remains at stance despite your gloomy response. He leans forward like a curious child and tosses you a question, "Then allow me to ask, what brings you out here Lady (Y/n)? I don't see any reason when your family are such highly respected people of Fontaine."

"I'm not like them!" You retort instantly, causing the man to glance at you with skepticism, "I mean, I have nothing to do with them and they have nothing to do with me. That's just how it is. They already have Clement after all…"

Why am I telling him this?

"Ah your brother I assume. Yes so I've heard much about his genius mind. There were a few instances where he and I collaborated at Sumeru Academia," Hector speaks as if regarding to his unpleasant memories, "Although he never said anything about having a sister."

"We're not that close. And I'm not very fond of him," you confessed bluntly.

"Neither am I," Hector agreed with a scowl, "He claims his position using the knowledge derived from history books but never tries to think beyond the norm. That ignorant mindset of his will surely be his downfall one day."

"Ignorance can lead to anyone's downfall. If they turn a blind eye to the truth, so much can be taken from them," you paused shortly from rambling too much, "That's what I read in books at least."

"As expected of your lineage," he sighs whimsically, "Such avid readers."

"Well my family prefers documents and research. I've gone through them too but I will always love reading fiction."

"Ha! Seems you really are trying to be different from the rest of your family."

Seconds turn to minutes and minutes to hours, you had already forgotten about the cold breeze despite your dress being less than ideal for the outdoors. The man, although he can be a little to blathering at times, was more than what seemed to be on the surface. At first you thought of him as someone here to take advantage of your relations to your father but he seemed so sincere when listening to your stories, so eager while expressing his thoughts and even made you laugh a couple of times. You didn't realize that the clock had already struck twelve as the guests were preparing to leave but you just weren't ready to do the same.

"Until next time (Y/n)," he takes your fingers and pressed a kiss on top of them, though you were more struck by how he addressed you without honorifics, "I look forward to speaking with you again."

A warm smile graces your lips as you cursty, "Likewise Hector. Thank you for listening to me. I know I must have taken a long time."

Hector sneered but you already learned that it was simply his way of expressing amusement, "Hardly. I was thoroughly entertained."

When your parents found out about your meeting with him, they made it clear that you would never see him again. Hector Dufour-Lapointé is what he calls himself but the real name behind this man was Hector Valliere who came from a village hidden in the west of Fontaine. Rumours said that he was chased out of his hometown by an angry mob, claiming him to be a madman conducting unethical experiments on humans. Shortly after his arrival in Sumeru, he abandoned his past identity and replaced it with a new one in order to enter the academy under legal supervision. Associating with a man of a suspicious reputation would only cause harm to your family's name. Though you could barely care much about their reputation. There was nothing for you to benefit from it.

Few weeks have passed and you evetually gave up on the thought of hearing from Hector. They were only fleeting moments, nothing more. Your routine would stay the same as you kept on plucking more books off the shelves, killing whatever time you had. However the activities you used to enjoy somehow lost it's flair and there would be a slight pain in your chest whenever you turn to a page with the princess as she is surrounded by her friends. What exactly changed? Your family still treated you the same. Did you suddenly grow bored from doing the same thing everyday? Why is it that you feel much more lonelier despite being alone for so long? It was hard to tell in a singular perspective. If only there was someone here to give you some insights on things you couldn't see…

A silver bird lands by your front window and you nearly fell out of your chair as it flapped their wings violently. A machine?! They dropped what seems to be an envelope within the thick bushes before taking off and buzzing into the evening sky. You switched off the lock and lifted the glass within a single movement, snatching the piece of paper so that the wind wouldn't blow it away. Hastily you opened it. Both curious and cautious of why would anyone send you mail in such a discreet approach.

Chère Mademoiselle (Y/n),

I can only imagine the shock of your expression once reading this letter. I'm only writing to you since I assume that your father had already told you those nasty rumours about my past. No matter. I trust that you have a good head on your shoulders to not prejudge people using such miniscule details. I wish to speak with you again. Unless you have other plans staying in that stuffy room of yours, meet me behind the clock tower at 11:00 p.m. Don't be late.

Bien à vous,

"It really is him!" The happiness spreads all across your features as you clutched the letter to your chest. For some reason, your heart wouldn't stop racing. It was a simple yet thoughful action on his part but despite how short his greeting was, every word held the weight of a thousand sparks, "I…I can't stop smiling."

And without hesitation, you prepared to leave. No one noticed your absence.

-------

It was only halfway where you realized that Hector didn't give many details redgarding why he planned this sudden event. You caught sight of him standing under the roofs with his hands hidden behind his back. He had on his signature lopsided grin, brows uneven as he glanced at you casually.

"How very punctual, were you so eager that you couldn't wait?" He teases.

"I was surprised when your bird knocked upon my window," you inform, "Is it something urgent?"

"Not at all. I merely wanted to catch up with old times," Hector tilts forward to emphasize his suggestion, "Care to indulge me for a bit?"

You crossed your arms, "Then what is it that you're hiding behind your back?"

"Hmm?" He hums, "You mean this?"

"Ah!"

Roses. A bouquet of bright red flowers were presented to you, nicely wrapped in fabric. In the language of Fontaine, recieving them could mean multiple of things and you couldn't help but feel hesitant despite his thoughtful gesture, "Why are you giving me this?"

"Is it so wrong for me to be a gentleman? I thought it would be best to prepare you a gift after you put all that effort to come out in such a late hour," Hector mused to himself, "Especially when you had to make sure no prying eyes would catch us."

You let out a small laugh before accepting the bouquet, "I wouldn't go as far to say that."

"Oh?" Although it was hard to see, Hector managed to catch a glimpse of your flushed cheeks hidden behind the flowers. A darken smirk climbs onto his face at the inviting thought of what it could mean, "Tell me more."

The whole night you both spent walking around the empty plaza with only the stars as your guide. They paved a silver path reflected in the horizon above, free flowing like one of the many watercolour paintings hung in your chambers, uncertain where they may lead but you followed them regardless. If it weren't for Hector's inivtation you might have never known about the parts of your city due to the restricted lifestyle you lived. He listened to every one of them. The stories you had to tell when there was no one for you to talk to and the complaints about your brother whenever he wanted to snitch on your actions just to get the praise out of your father. You expressed your frustrations when speaking about your incompetences, joy after reading a good fairytale book written by your favourite author, there was so much to say that you were worried if Hector soon grew tired from them.

"Go on. I'm listening."

And your heart flutters again. Suddenly everything felt so light with each step you took, it was as if you walked across the stars in the sky rather than the heavy pavement of the ground you called your home. But even if happiness was a bliss, it tormented you. Because companionship made you realize how poor your were all along. That you had everything yet you had nothing, slowly withering away like the roses you held in your hand. Convinced that your existence was worth nothing more than nothing itself. Doomed to be dismissed and forgotten. Rotting away...Hector stays by your side as you cried softly into the night.

From a distance the bell rings and echoes just like the time before during Fontaine's grand ball. Hector shows you a secret route so that no one could find you.

"Will you write to me again?"

The request was so innocent, purely from genuine intentions and devoided of anything he had in mind. Hector would always laugh in these situations when things have gone unexpectedly yet pleasingly his way but held back knowing that it would be foolish to waste such a priceless opportunity. And so he gave you his smile, one full of secrets where you had mistakened it as a promise, "Of course my dear."

Every night you could no longer fall asleep since he had occupied your thoughts completely. Sometimes you'd dream of him and their tales would unfold similarly to the ones you have read. It gone to the point where the maids would have to wake you up during late afternoons due to the dramatic change in your sleep schedule. Though, you didn't care what they did to you. As long as no one found out about your secret rendezvous.

You never thought that there'd be a day where you would voluntarily give up reading your beloved fairytales. They were now replaced by a stash of his letters that have been accumulated over the past few months. You read them each day, pacing back and forth within the walls of your room, whispering his sentences as if he were the one saying them to you. He made you feel special. You were addicted to this feeling. Eventually you managed to memorize his words by heart.

The pages of your diary were filled with notes. Like your very own fairytale carved into reality. From the rose petal, now dried, to the hairpin he snatched from a distracted merchant and a single strand of his hair you found within your cloak after a warm embrace, all of these items, a remnant of the man you loved were taped up in these pages. Sometimes you could even feel his prescence because it was all you needed. It didn't matter if Clement threw insults about how worthless your existence was, your parents could lock you in this prison if they wanted to but they shall never take away Hector from you. Never. You swear it. He was your whole world and the prince who saved you from a life made of aching emptiness. You would do anything to keep him by your side. Anything to gain his affection.

Anything.

"I had a feeling that you were the culprit dear sister."

Your arms stutters as they clutched tightly on the scrolls you took off from the shelves. The light crept into the room like arms reaching out to clutch around your ankles, warning you for trespassing. You turned around dreadfully to see Clement pressing his shoulder against the doorframe with his arms folded and a wicked expression aimed at your pitiful state.

"Why…Why are you still awake?" You say in disbelief, "I thought everyone was asleep."

"Please. Not only are you shameless but hypocritical as well. You truly are a dissapointment to our family."

"Wait," taking a step forward, you stopped him before he makes his exit, "I'll put them back. Just don't tell father about this."

But like your parents, your brother was unkind. Clement doubles over and hugs his torso, cackling through his teeth, "Is that how it is?" He swipes his arm up and you see a parchment paper held between his fingers.

"No!"

"Ma chérie (Y/n). I must say all this tenacious effort of sneaking in my letters to your window is becoming more and more tiresome. But of course, you are an exception. I want the scrolls you've mentioned the other day at my lair tomorrow evening. Make sure no one discovers this. I'm counting on you. Cordialement! Hector."

"No…" you whispered, feeling the weight of the world fall upon your shoulders as it shattered apart. Hector. If possible, you hoped that the pieces could just crush you right then and there. Your knees felt weak and a fright takes over but despite your turmoil, Clement didn't show a shred of sympathy.

"So this is why you've been acting odd lately. Pathetic," he flaps the paper tauntingly in his grasp, "I can't decide if I should be impressed or baffled by your actions. A secret romance with a criminal and the bloodline of Fontaine's most respected government associates? Even though you've hit rock bottom, you still decided to dig deeper."

"Clement you don't understand!" Stumbling upon your footsteps, you desperately tried to convey your predicament even if it meant feeding his ego, "Hector is not the man you think. He was shunned by the people of his hometown, treating him as if he were nothing. They…They ignored him! All this time he needed someone to recognize his brilliance, someone to understand." Shakily, you brought your tensed arms to your chest and screamed a silent whisper, "Someone to listen but no one did. He must have felt so alone…"

Clement flinches when you suddenly clutched onto his biceps. When he looked into your eyes, a shiver ran down his spine.

"Hector is counting on me. I'm the only one who can save him. No one else. He needs me Clement, he needs me!"

"Tch."

An ear-splitting scream of his hand against your face echoes across the room. It knocked you out of your stance and you bumped into the table, grunting while the scrolls to tumbled to the floor.

"Crazy woman, I'm embarassed to be related to you!"

While you were still trying to regain your balance, your brother had already ran off. It wouldn't be long before he alerted your parents, the clock ticking away like sand until the final hour leaves you with nothing but an empty glass.

"No," despair swallows the strength away from your legs and you crawled towards where he used to stand, "Don't take him away from me…I need him…"

I can't live without him.

Tears begin to form by the corners of your eyes as you clenched your teeth. This was no time to cry. Balling your fists, you sprinted out of the room, pushing whatever stood in your way as if you were running for your life.

And if you considered everything else, it wasn't that far from the truth.

-------

"Hector! Hector are you there?" After arriving upon his house, you began knocking on his door aggressively. The lock clicks and you were greeted by an evidently annoyed man gnawing his teeth together.

"Tsk. There better be a good reason-"

"They're coming for us! We have to go. Now. Before it's too late. My father is probably already waking and making arrangements for you to-"

"Enough, I can't even catch what you're saying," He pinches the bridge of his nose while you were still stuck in a frenzy state. He takes a step back and opens the door wider, gesturing for you to come inside, "Get in already. I have a feeling that this will be a long night."

Hector observes intently at the words you tell him.

Not out of concern but akin to the way he watches the insects react when he exposes them to a different environment.

He was a scientist after all. A madman in which you deliberately fell in love with, so much to the point that he was able to feel pity for once. How you trusted him wholeheartedly with all of your vulnerabilities, emotions and secrets like handing him your parts just so he could put you back together again. Tinkering was always one of his favourite hobbies and he couldn't help but feel a twisted sense of pride at the thought of you being completely wrapped around his finger.

Perhaps that was the reason why he loved you. Because he didn't love you. He loved you in parts.

"It was only a matter of time," Hector sighs. He sneaks his grasp into yours, knowing how much it affects you and puts on an invisible mask of deciet, "I already knew this day would happen long before anyone could have predicted it."

"You did?" With worried eyes you gazed at him, "What shall we do then?"

Knowing he hit the target, his lips begin to curl up towards his ears, showing his sharp white teeth that shone against the dim-litted room. Hector asks, "Do you love me?"

A silly question. You didn't hesitate to answer, "Of course I do. I've said it many times."

"Prove it to me," Forcing his forehead against yours, Hector commands in a dangerously low tone, "Kill your brother and only then you can truly be mine."

Your brain sutters, trying to absorb what he had just said. Kill? As in to take a life? It sounded wrong. But...was it wrong if the life belonged to someone who ruined yours?

Dumbfoundedly, you glanced into the bloody orbs of your lover, his black pupils thinning into knives while burning in the hellfire of his true colours. Hector runs a hand from the scalp of your hair, down to your cheek before gingerly sliding his fingers at your jawline. He pulled you close and whispered into your ear.

"Are you scared?"

Ah, this wasn't about your feelings. This was about him and your future and there could be no future you without him by your side.

You let your eyelids drop and leaned into his touch, "I could never be scared of you Hector. Whether it is within my power or not, I will make sure no one gets in our way. I swear it."

"Good," he continues to have you feed on his affection, "I knew I could count on you."

-----------

The news of your brother's death filled every headline Fontain had to offer. He was driven off a cliff while making a trip towards Sumeru. No one survived. The remains were so crushed to the point that authorities had trouble identifying their bodies. The only explanation they could come up with by observing the leftover tracks was that the horse must have gone out of control and ended up dragging the carriage along with it.

Ha. Serves him right.

Food poisoning. The vial Hector made was very effective. You made sure to bury it away from your mansion.

With no other choice, you became your family's next heir. Hector notifies you that he would be away for several months to solidify a unique connection with a man hailing from Snezhnaya. You didn't think he would arrive at your doorsteps with so much authority. Fatui soldiers followed from behind as the staff paved a way for them to enter. Your father was clearly displeased by his outrageous approach but he knew he was in no place to deny.

"Upon the agreement between Fontaine and Snezhnaya, Lady (Y/n) will become Harbinger Il Dottore's wife," the Duke announces, "This news will be publicly announced at the end of October."

Dottore? Is that what he calls himself?

As if claiming his victory, Dottore shoots your father a devilish smile. You could feel the dining table shake when he kept pressing his fist against the smooth surface, begrudingly congratulating you both for the new engagement. Your mother bursted into tears.

Was it worth it?

You watched both of your parents mourn silently in their own manner. Perfectly knowing that you were the main cause. But you weren't able to feel any sadness because in the end, you now had everything you've ever wanted.

The inheritance.

Their attention.

But most of all, him.

And when you were convinced that this was your happily ever after, that fairytales were not just beautiful lies for the sake of comfort, you didn't realize you were already living a life made of beautiful lies conjured by your own mind for the sake of your own comfort.

"You're nothing without me."

Dried and calloused hands squeezed around your throat as you flailed your legs against the soft fabric of the carpet floor. He encases you in a straddling position, enjoying the sight of your tortured and clenched face. Hector…no, Dottore hated it when you disobeyed him. He despised it when his creations don't work the way he wanted them to and he had no use for things that are broken.

"G-hka--k..-"

"How many times do I have to remind you to not use my birthname. Do those ears of you even function properly? Or must I fix them myself?"

You gasped for air when he relaxed his grip. Vision a blur, you coughed a few times before he pulls your arm so that you lay flushed against his chest.

"Don't forget who saved you dear (Y/n). Because of me you were able to escape that miserable life you've despised for years. I expect the utmost gratitude on your part at all times, it is only fair that I punish you for not meeting my requirements, don't you agree?" Dottore lifts his hand up to pinch your cheeks, pulling your head to stare at your eyes, "After all, there is no one else in this world who can put up with you…but me."

His words were poison in which you drank like a woman starved. It made you feel numb to the pain the more you drowned in their alluring scent, the taste was sweet, a remedy for the bitterness of reality where the man of your dreams was nothing but a cruel monster. You came to believe that the reason why he treated you so harshly was because he was scared of losing you. You were caught in the trap of what seemed to be love and devotion when truly, you were just a toy to be used at a means end. He breaks you and he puts you back together, over and over again, filling in between the cracks formed in your glass heart with the phrases you loved to hear. Just like how he filled the other holes of your life where no one else did. You called it kindness. He saw it as entertainment.

Most people pay attention to the flower's beauty but they never acknowledge the thorns hidden beneath it's blossom. That is why they bleed. They get hurt. Though, you didn't mind shedding blood if it was for his sake.

Because you would do anything for him.

You would do anything to bring back the memories of Hector Dufour-Lapointé and save him from the Harbinger that ruined his life. Your life. It wasn't his fault. You knew you could change him to what he was before because you were in love with him, that he might still in there. Somewhere.

Right?

…

Please come back.

Time continues to flow like the tears of your dying heart despite yearning for it to turn at the past. Dottore already left the room a long time ago but you didn't. Raising your head away from your hands, you peered at the door in front of you, begging desperately through a chanting record of despondence.

Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back. Come back.

Images, they slipped through your fingers, slowly becoming more distant until your mind began to see them as illusions. Dreams. Things that were not real. Telling you that your life was a lie.

"Come back to me…Hector."

Because the man you loved was withering in your memories and you couldn't do anything to save him.

A dry croak robbed you of your breath as you turned to look in the mirror.

Worthless. You were always worthless, it was what your parents told you since birth. It was what you became when he wasn't at your side because without him, your existence was worthless. You lied for him, you stole for him you, took a life for him. You destroyed yourself for him to point that it was hard to believe you were even looking at yourself.

Worthless. It's who I am.

And despite it all, you couldn't obtain his love.

(Crack).

Worthless things don’t deserved to be loved.

(Crack. Crack).

But what if it’s because I’m worthless, that he won’t love me back?

(Crack).

Your eyes jolted open, causing you to gasp sharply. When the sweet lies dispersed in your head and cleansed you of deceit, everything started to make sene. You came to realize why your wish was impossible all along.

Dottore...no, Hector, the reason wasn't because he didn't return your feelings. Neither was it due to the fact that he hurt you through his actions. Nor when he made you cry or scream for help before feeding you with more lies, thinking he would never hurt you again. It was none of those things.

It was because the man you loved this whole time was someone who could love no one but himself.

"Ha...haha," sucking in your breath, a sinister laugh escapes your mouth, "Hahahahahahaha.....!"

Everything was worthless.

You grabbed a nearby hairbrush and threw it at the mirror, watching yourself shatter into a million pieces.

There was only one thing left to do.

------

"Ugh, where is it?!"

It was late into the night where every staff had gone to sleep. The Harbinger fumbles with his keys while standing at the door of his basement as he was too busy proceeding with his research rather than considering the thought of rest. Usually he acted upon them on his own will, performing various experiments for enjoyment. However, ever since the Snezhnayan court had requested him to look into the ancient arts of alchemy, Dottore was forced to carry it out before the deadline approached. Otherwise his position as Harbinger would be revoked.

"What a bunch of self-centered blockheads. Can't they understand that it take quality time to get quality results?"

Most of his important documents were stored on the otherside. Half of it came from his father-in-law's library. He had you to thank for that.

"Ah finally," he mutters, though still dissatisfied, "I should have a word with my butler for misplacing them."

Dottore shoves the key into the lock but instead of twisting the knob he noticed something strange. It was old and had yet to be fixed but somehow he didn't have any trouble adjusting his wrist. Then he saw there were a set of freshly made fingerprints upon the smooth metallic surface. However, the only person awake at this time would be him-

An intruder!

Dottore drops everything to the ground and yanks the door open. He skittered down the stone stairs while cursing under his breath. Using the delusion gifted by the Tsaritsa, the Harbinger activated his lazer-like pillars as he took advantage of their glow to light up the unlit room.

"What in the abyss...?!"

Except it wasn't dark.

"All of these scrolls, I recognize them," without sparing a single glance, you spoke nostalgically towards the bookshelves, "It brings me so much memories..."

Dottore clenches his teeth together as his eyes shone an angry red, you were holding a torch dangerously close to his hard-earned collection, "What do you think you're doing?!" He fumed, "Put that out, AT ONCE! Don't make me repeat myself!

"They're precious to you aren't they?" You finally shifted to face him, "More than me."

"What has gotten into you?" He was about to hurl at you until he saw your torch lowering, causing him to retreat. You were strangely noncholant and he couldn't help the feeling of disturbance. Accepting that he didn't have the upperhand, Dottore decided to use a different approach, "(Y/n)."

The sound of your name falls from his lips. You faltered.

"I'm sorry for what I have done. I know I was dishonourable to you, as your husband and lover, and that you didn't deserve to see me so aggressive. You have every right to express your anger, my dear. I was in the wrong."

It was only a mask. You knew it well. But seeing him with softened eyes and a tone so comforting, made you desperately wanting to run into his arms so he could wipe away your sorrows just like once upon a time. To live happily ever after.

Hector.

Dottore runs his fingers through his hairstrands in frustration and sighs, "However the Tsarista needed me to do something very important and I can't seem to fulfill her request no matter how hard I try. It angers me. If I don't finish this, there would be no place for us to stay."

"Hector..." you sniffled quietly. He looks so much like him right now.

"Can't you see I'm doing this for you?" He consoles, yet his weapons still remain, "I only intended to make you happy and there's nothing I won't do to achieve that. How about I show-"

"Enough."

Dottore froze upon your sudden command. He didn't sense a hint of subjugation and it seemed that you had perfect control of your emotions. How very inquisitive. Did you grow immune to the style of his voice? In such a short period of time? The facade he had on was now replaced with a growling animal-like expression. You looked at him dissapointedly. His Harbinger self returned. Hector was no more.

"Ha, you're the same as always. Even before the time you became a Harbinger. The same man that I fell in love with but it is me who will never be the same again," For a moment you averted your gaze as if trying hard to swallow your own words, "Remember when we first met at the balcony? That I told you my favourite books to read are fiction? I knew they weren't real but deep down, I wanted to believe in them anyways. And you know what? They did come true, to some degree..."

As the memories come flashing back, he defenselessly watches your expression contort from sadness to a calm contemplation and finally, enraged disgust, "But you only ever brought me pain and I'm sick of it!"

Swaying the torch to the side, Dottore flinches forward but he didn't dare to come close when your current state was unpredictable to him, "I JUST WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME," you wail, I just wanted to be loved, bringing a clawed hand against your forehead and trembling upon contact, "It's all that I ask for..."

Dottore narrowed his brows. Perhaps he may have gotten too far.

"But I know it's impossible. The world is a cruel place and there's no point in trying anymore. That is why I'm going to set us free."

"...What do you mean?"

You shut your eyes closed and tossed the flaming torch to the ground. A horrified expression takes over his features. It didn't take long for the fire to begin spreading amongst the room.

"NO!" Dottore yelled powerfully, he frantically darts his gaze at all directions as they continued to flicker and blend into his precious documents. You stood still and watched him grab the ones that were intact, savouring the most he could but they slip out of his arms every time he moved. Dottore glances behind him to see a rising cage of hellfire. Then he turns to you.

" 'Til death do us part!" you laughed maniacally.

The madman looked back with angry dismay, "You're out of your mind!"

Abandoning whatever he held in his hand, Dottore spins around towards the staircase. He covers his face with his sleeve and did whatever he could to prevent the fire from touching him. However, he accidentally stumbled on his footsteps and something fell off the heights, knocking him in the face. He grunts painfully.

"That will leave a scar," you smile while he clutches at his injury, "I can break you too.”

Just like how you broke me.

Knowing that you've managed to leave a mark of your existence on him in someway, you peacefully watched your lover wobble between the hell you created. But the hell you knew was not made of scorching heat and thundering flames. Hell was empty. Hell was a void. This feeling was far too gentle to be considered hell. If he can't return your love, then at least let these caging arms bask you in the warmth you’ve always desired.

Lifting your head, you looked towards the ceiling and closed your eyes.

Ah, this cannot be death.

424 notes · View notes

aestheticparisian134 · 3 years

Text

Must Watch Bollywood Movies

Part I

1.) Dear Zindagi (2016)

This movie is help me see that it getting Mental health treatment is good for you, expressing your feelings really help you in the end (psychologists really need a pay raise).

Kaira, a young girl, faces problems in her relationships. She meets Dr Jehangir, who helps her resolve her issues with her parents and get a new perspective on life, which leads to her following her passion and an improvement in her love life.

2.) Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham

This one gave me so much feels😭

Rahul, the adopted older son of a rich couple, is banished by his father when he chooses to marry a middle-class woman. Years later, his younger brother, Rohan, sets out to find him.

3.) Chennai Express (2013)

"Never underestimate the power of the common man" (*then proceeds to get completely lost in the woods )- Rahul Mithaiwala🤣

A man's (Shahrukh Khan) trip to fulfill his late grandfather's last wish turns into an unexpected adventure when he meets a unique young woman (Deepika Padukone) from southern India.

4.)Baar Baar Dekho (2016)

"Spend time on those that you love unconditionally. Don't waste it on those that only love you when the conditions are right for them " - anonymous

(Note : there is a similar movie to to this called "Click" it has Adam Sandler in it and if you enjoyed watching this movie you might like it).

A time-traveling mathematical genius, Jai Verma, realizes the value of his present. When he gets a chance to go back in time, he intends to rectify some of the mistakes he had made in the past.

5.) Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995)

Cinematography was amazing and the places they've been to Almost want you to hop on a train and tour Europe too. 🚞 🇮🇳 🌍

Raj and Simran meet during a trip across Europe and the two fall in love. However, when Raj learns that Simran is already promised to another, he follows her to India to win her and her father over.

6.) Goliyon Ki Rasleela Ram-Leela (2013)

This is a very colorful adaptation of Romeo & Juliet with a bollywood styled twist. (FUN FACT : The main actor & actress got married in real life). You'll understand how 🔥 their chemistry when you watch the movie.

Ram and Leela love each other but cannot stay together as their families, Rajadi and Sanera, have been at war with each other for the past 500 years. In the end, they both need to make a sacrifice.

7.)Bang Bang (2014)

I really liked this movie so frigging much it has the perfect dose of action, romance and comedy. And the OST is amazing!!!🥰

(Fun Fact : this movie is a remake of Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruises movie titled "Knight and Day").

Harleen leads a boring life with her grandmother and works as a bank receptionist. However, her life takes a sudden turn after she falls in love with Rajveer, a thief.

8.) Dilwale (2015)

Colorful, Violent ,Explosive ,& Comedy Gold , and Fast paced with some flashbacks. This movie was filmed from Bulgaria, Iceland and India You'll fall in love with the settings.

Raj and Meera fall in love, but are forced to stay away from each other as they belong to rival mafia families. Years later, they get a second chance when their siblings fall for each other.

9.) Student of the Year (2012)

Get ready for the the typical Love triangle, Gay worthy pining Enemies-to-Friends-to-Enemies-one again. The sexy shirtless scenes and all the drama that's you thought you left behind in high school but turns out....Collage is WORSE!!!

Note: My inner gay still thinks Abhi and Rohan should have ended up together, Shanaya would have been a perfect platonic friend.(Still think Abhi & her are cute tho.)

The story begins with two boys, Abhi and Rohan, who meet each other at St. Teresa's in their final year. Soon their gang of friends extends to Shanaya and her friends. The three become fast friends and it appears that nothing can separate them —until things turn upside down as Abhi and Shanaya fall for each other and the Student of the Year competition begins.

10.) Simmba (2018)

WARNING!!! THIS MOVIE STARTED AS A COMEDY BUT ENDED UP AS A TEAR-JEARKER (HAS MENTIONS OF RAPE , CORRUPTION, DRUGS AND POLICE BRUTALITY).THIS MOVIE TALKS ABOUT RAPE AND VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN AND SHOWS THE FEAR OF PARENTS WHOD DAUGHTERS GO HOME AT NIGHT.

Simmba, a corrupt police officer, works for Durva, an influential smuggler. However, his life takes an unusual turn when he decides to avenge a woman who was assaulted by Durva's brothers.

Hope you enjoy this !!!

346 notes · View notes

hawks-supremacy · 3 years

Text

Fairytale Soulmates

summary: you gave up on the idea of soulmate's being real when your parents split up, but the cherry blossom on your wrist says otherwise.

pairings: ushijima x reader

warnings: fighting, yelling, hints at abuse, a little angst, mostly fluff

word count: 2k

a/n: i'm thinking about doing a soulmate series, i just love the idea of soulmates. i also like reading soulmate au's.

You never enjoyed the idea of soulmates, to you it was a fairytale you heard the other kids tell during lunch break. Hearing them retell the stories their parents told about how everyone has a person that was made for them. How people were originally created with four arms and legs and two heads and faces, but fearing their power Zeus split them in half. Now people spend their whole lives looking for their other half. The person that finishes the other half of your soulmate mark. You didn’t believe the stories. Even as your half of a cherry blossom stares up at you from your wrist, you couldn’t bring yourself to believe in soulmates, and why should you?

Why should you believe in soulmates when your parents were miserable together. Constantly fighting and yelling, often ending the night in tears. If soulmates were real then why were you the result of two people who didn't love each other unconditionally like soulmates were supposed to. Why were your parents so unhappy just because they weren’t soulmates? If you couldn’t find your soulmate were you destined to be unhappy? All of your questions went unanswered as your parents avoided the topic.

You weren’t always like this, and neither were your parents. You used to be happy, a complete family who never fought and loved each other despite the flaws. Sure you noticed how your father had half a sun and your mother had half of a water lily, but they didn’t seem to care and you didn’t ask. They always laughed at each other's terrible jokes and cared for one another. You used to enjoy the stories of soulmates, listening as kids tell the stories of how their parents met. The stories of soulmates searching the other side of the world to find their other half.

Then one day your parents started fighting and the illusion of happiness ended. You weren’t sure what happened, but one day you came home from school and they were yelling. Maybe they’ve always yelled and screamed until their faces turned blue and they faked being happy for your sake. All it took was one day for all you believed in to fall apart.

You came home early from school on a half day, you were excited to go home and spend all day with your parents. You didn’t stay excited for long, walking through the doors you heard screaming coming from the kitchen along with glass shattering. Hesitantly you made your way to the entrance and poked your head around the corner to see what was happening. Seeing you home your mom wiped the tears from her eyes and greeted you as your dad walked past you and to their shared bedroom.

After that it seemed like the veil fell, the thin sheet protecting you from the real relationship your parents held disappeared. They stopped pretending to be happy, no longer laughing at dumb jokes instead rolling their eyes. You stopped eating dinner as a family, your dad eating before he comes home and walking straight to his home office. They tried not to fight in front of you, waiting until you go to bed to start their dispute, but they were never quiet. They kept you up at night with the shouting that reached your bedroom door, knocking like a reminder your family is no longer really together.

You sat at the top of the stairs listening as your dad left your mom because he found his soulmate. Listening to the rolling of his suitcase across the wooden floor as he walked out the door. Listening as your mom broke down sobbing as the door slammed shut. Listening to his car driving off as silent tears rolled down your face choking back sobs that you couldn’t let out. You never brought it up to your mom, a silent agreement the next day as you both had puffy faces from crying the previous night.

Now you were starting your first year at Shiratorizawa and your best friend Tendō refused to let you be pessimistic. He dragged you to the gym to sign up for the volleyball team manager. His logic being you can’t be pessimistic if he doesn’t let you, and if you’re constantly around Tendō it's the less time you can be a “debbie downer” in his words.

Tendō and you became friends in middle school when you ran into each other turning the corner. He quickly befriended you after learning about your pessimistic view on life claiming he was gonna turn it around so you’d be happy again. You rolled your eyes at his explanation for wanting to be your friend but let him anyway. Since then you’ve been inseparable, always with one another. Tendō was the best thing that could’ve happened to you.

So here you were meeting the volleyball team as Tendō all but skipped to the gym for the first practice. “This is gonna be so fun Y/n, we’ll get to hang out all the time. Now you’ll have no opportunity to go back to your dorm room and think about how much life sucks. Which it doesn’t by the way.” He said as you went to say something about him finally agreeing about your life sucking. “I know you’ve had some hard times but believe me, it’s not always gonna be that way. You’ll meet your soulmate and learn that happiness does exist for you.”

You shook your head at his blind optimism, you knew he wasn’t always like this. That he had his dark moments too and you were right there to pull him out of his dark space like he was you. “‘Tori, we both know I’m better now. I’m not 100% all the time but that’s fine. I appreciate you doing this though.”

He nodded, slowing his pace down so you could catch up to him. “I know you are, but you’re still on the fence about soulmates and I’m determined to help you find yours so you know they’re out there.” You sighed as you walked into the gym having been through this conversation hundreds of times with Tendō before. He’d keep having this conversation with you until you realize it yourself. Just because your parents didn’t work out doesn’t mean that soulmates aren’t worth it.

Tendō soon realized after that maybe you were right. Maybe your soulmate wasn’t worth it, maybe you would be better off just living with Tendō forever like you discussed in middle school. Maybe you were right because Tendō soon found out that your soulmate was Ushijima Wakatoshi. Tendō wasn’t sure if you noticed that Ushijima held the other half to your soulmate mark or not. If you had, you didn’t say anything.

Tendō spent the better half of middle school trying to convince you that your soulmate would be the best thing that happened to you. Then he spent the better half of first and second year listening to Ushijima say he didn’t believe in soulmates either, that his home situation was much like yours. His parents weren’t soulmates and ended up getting a divorce leaving him with his mom. He realized the universe was playing a cruel joke on the both of you. Making you both believe that the other doesn’t exist and if you do it’s some kind of fluke.

It was the start of your third year and you were moving back into the dorms after having a break for the summer. “‘Tori, why are you insisting I hang out with Ushijima so badly? He’s been your roommate for two years now and suddenly you want me to hang out with him? It doesn’t make sense.” Tendō had been trying to convince you to hang out with Ushijima because he couldn’t take not telling you anymore. It was eating him alive that your soulmate was right there and nothing was happening. It was your last year before you possibly never saw Ushijima again and Tendō would never be able to live with himself if he didn’t tell you. “I wanted to tell you, believe me I did.”

“Satori, what did you do?” You said, narrowing your eyes at him. “Ushiwaka is your soulmate. I was going to tell you but it turns out you have the same outlook on soulmates. So I thought maybe it was best if you guys never met, but I’d feel bad if I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I just didn’t want you to get hurt.” Tendō said, speaking fast and pacing back and forth.

You sat on your bed rubbing your temples. “Are you mad at me?” Tendō asked quietly. You sighed and looked up, resting your elbows on your knees, “No ‘Tori, I Could never be mad at you. I wish you told me sooner, but I’m not mad at you. I’ll hang out with Ushijima but there’s no guarantee that it’ll work out, especially not if you say he has the same outlook as me.” You talked for a few more minutes before Tendō led you to his shared dorm with Ushijima.

Tendō walked in, “Ushiwaka! I have a gift for you!” He said before gesturing widely towards the door as you walked in. “My surprise is Y/n?” Ushijima said, confused. “Yes! Y/n here is your soulmate! Your other half! Now talk!” Tendō said excitedly before walking out and shutting the door behind him, leaving you two alone.

You glanced down at Ushijima’s wrist and saw the matching half to your cherry blossom match. You showed him yours as you sat down on the chair by his and Tendō’s shared desk, “‘Tori tells me that you have the same views as me when it comes to the whole soulmate situation. Don’t particularly believe in them, but ‘Tori’s been trying to convince me otherwise for about four years. I guess I don’t really know where you stand with all of this.” By the time you were done speaking you noticed that his eyes never once stopped looking at you.

“My parents divorced, yes, but they weren’t soulmates. Perhaps it’ll be different with us since we’re actually soulmates.” He said moving closer towards you. “You want to try the soulmate thing? You’re sure?” You asked sheepishly. You spent nearly your whole life swearing up and down that you didn’t believe in soulmates and now that you’ve found yours, you don’t know if you still believe that. “Yes I want to try, but I do get busy with volleyball so I might not have much time for us.” He said and you nodded. You knew that, you’ve been friends with Tendō long enough to know volleyball takes up a lot of time. You’ve also been the volleyball’s team manager long enough to know how passionate Ushijima is about volleyball. You knew you couldn’t ask him to put you first.

“And that’s how I single handedly got Ushiwaka and Y/n together. So you can thank me for this lovely wedding we’re all attending.” Tendō said after telling the story of how you and Toshi met. You rolled your eyes and you jokingly mouthed ‘thank you’ to Tendō. You turned to your now husband who had his hand on your knee while he was laughing at Tendō’s story and smiled. He turned his head and smiled back before giving you a peck on the lips, “I’m glad I met you Y/n.” He said lovingly. “Me too Toshi, me too.”

#ushijima headcanons #ushijima wakatoshi #hq ushijima #ushijima scenarios #ushijima imagine #ushijima hcs #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #soulmate au #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader

181 notes · View notes