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hunnylagoon · 4 months

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Right Where You Left Me

Pt1: Coming Down With Me

Ellie Williams x reader

I once met a girl with skin like kiwi. Even the butterflies were drawn to her, landing on the top of her nose, the dip in her palm. But the kiwi stung my tongue, scarred my lips and made me bleed. I do not care. Cover me in your kiwi kisses, burn my mouth and scar my flesh. Bleach my eyes and dip my heart in lemon juice. Sing your sickly sweet words until my ears bleed.

Premise: You and Ellie were childhood best friends until you grew up. Funny thing about soulmates is that they tend to find their way back to each other.

Warnings: Angst / reader has religious issues / people are mean lol / best friends to enemies to lovers / roommate! Ellie

Part two here!

Part three here!

Part four here!

I know everything about you,

You know everything about me.

I had always been bound to the earth while Ellie danced with the stars in the night sky among delusion and dreams. Though, more so than anything, we were bound to one another.

Our parents were friends, even before we were born. They met at summer camp when they were teenagers, the same camp that Ellie and I were eventually shipped off to every summer. Of course, I have no recollection of when I was an infant, only stories that my parents shared with me; My dad told me that I learned to crawl backwards before I learned to crawl forwards. Joel kept a photo album of his girl.

I can't remember days of crawling around and babbling incoherently, but I can tell you what I remember.

Five years old- Kindergarten

Despite the air being unbearable hot, it was infused with excitement as Ellie and me set foot in the petting zoo. I had never seen so many animals in one place, my little brain was going nuts. Accompanied by the gentle hum of content animals, the aroma of straw, and the distant melody of joyful chatter, the petting zoo rang true to its rustic charm.

Ellie, with her auburn curls bouncing in the breeze, led the way, her eyes widened at the sight of a fluffy alpaca lazily grazing in the sunshine. I giggled as we approached a pen filled with adorable piglets, their tiny snouts sniffing the pure air far away from the dirty stench of the city.

Our parents, watching with affectionate smiles, guided us to the lamb enclosure where soft, woolly creatures nuzzled against tiny palms. Ellie's fingers gently traced the contours of a lamb's ear, and she couldn't resist a delighted squeal as she felt the velvety nose of a goat.

As the afternoon sun cast a warm glow on the scene, the families strolled through the meandering paths, passing by a pond where ducks quacked merrily. Ellie and I, hand in loveable hand, marvelled at the wonders of the animal kingdom, our hearts brimming with the pure joy of discovery and a blooming friendship.

Seven years old- Grade Two

On this particular day, Ellie and I had been messing around in her backyard; that's all we did on the weekends at that age, you couldn't get us to go inside. We spent the morning entwined in daffodils and hyacinth that Joel has so tenderly nurtured, careful not to crush the dainty flowers beneath our wild flailing bodies.

We had the brilliant idea to paint rocks so we had been searching her yard for the perfect flat stones we had in mind. Ellie picked up a rock and immediately threw it back down, jumping away with a shriek.

This had piqued my curiosity (As well as Joels who sat on the back porch, watching us), I went over to where she stood petrified and found nothing more than a little snake staring up at her. I dropped the stones I had been carrying and bent over to get a better look at it, it was brown and had a few white vertical stripes cascading up its thin body.

I slowly moved my hand outwards to touch but was swiftly interrupted by Joel scooping me up "That's enough of that kiddo."

Nine years old- Grade Four

Joel's house garnered an expansive backyard and just past the old fence that Ellie and I had thrown one too many softballs at was a lush forest. I would always clamour up the wood fence and poke my little head over it to try and gather a glimpse of wildlife, Ellie usually had to give me a little boost. "Hold still!" She hissed with her arms wrapped around my torso to help lift me, my scrawny arms shook as I tried to pull myself up even further.

The wood rot of the ancient fence finally set in and with the both of us pressing our mighty weight against it collapsed with the fence. We heard the splitting of wood, I got the worst end of the stick, toppling over and putting my hands out to protect myself. I could've sworn that I heard my wrist break like a crunch.

While I did what felt like a three-sixty frontflip over the fence just for my small head to come down on the end of it with a solid smack, Ellie had just flopped on top of it, green eyes widening in shock when she saw my once straight arm now had an abnormal bump coming out from my wrist. "What's wrong with your hand?"

"I don't know I'm probably dying!" I screamed as loud as my voice could carry, that was the first time I had felt adrenaline run through my veins. "You killed me!"

"No, I didn't!" She retorted, scrambling off the fence and back up to her feet. She was clad in a Jurassic Park T-shirt that she practically was swimming in and those pink and orange plaid Bermuda shorts that any kid in the 2000s owned. "Dad!" Ellie yelled, calling for Joel.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and finally, I released the sob that had been building up in my throat. She was almost dumbstruck and just ended up kneeling and wrapping her arms around me in a hug.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." She muttered.

10 years old- Grade Five

Ellie had been practicing guitar the entire time I was at her house, Joel had gifted her his old guitar and she was so set on perfecting every cord, every half-hour she would ask for a song recommendation and then flip through the songbook she got to find it.

I was curled up in her bed reading The Hunger Games over again "Els, are you team Peeta or Gale?" I was always at Ellie's house, mine was too busy all the time; I had three siblings, Naomi and Aaron who were twins and two years younger than me and my brother Elijah who was three years older than me. I loved going to her house on Saturdays so I could sleep in and wriggle my way out of going to church. Even though her house was right across the street from mine and my parents would bang on Joel's door, he always covered for me.

"Uh," She was distracted by something in her songbook "Team Katniss?"

I nod in approval to myself as she isn't paying attention "You know who Gale reminds me of?" I ask and without Ellie giving me a response I answer anyway "Luke, I think I kind of like him."

Those are the words that get her to look at me "Ew, he's so weird."

"He's nice to me."

She wrinkles her nose in distaste then shrugs, returning to her guitar which sits awardly in her scrawny frame.

12 years old- Grade Seven

"Fuck!" I yell, kicking the grimy green dumpster in the graffiti-covered ally out of anger, though I kicked it a little too hard now my foot hurts I refuse to admit it "Fuck I hate them!"

Ellie leans against the brick wall on the opposite side of the alley, our bikes discarded on the ground while I hopelessly rant to my friend about my parents. She doesn't say much, just little nods of agreement. My parents had caught me skipping church and they laid into me, saying that I had no respect for them or god and whether that was true or not didn't matter, I was full of pre-teen angst and needed to call my friend to go for a bike ride around town.

"She fucking tore my room apart, I never see them get mad at Aaron or Naomi!" I drag my hands down my face before I look back at the dumpster and kick it again "Ow, cunt!" I'm now hopping on one foot while my knee bends my other leg and I hold my beaten red Converse, covered in doodles, to soothe the pain of my poor toes. It's moments like this that remind me why I love Ellie, because as stupid as I look hobbling around and cussing, she doesn't laugh at me even though I know she wants to.

After a little bit of me aimlessly yelling I finally wind down. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to remember those breathing exercises that we were taught at school assemblies. "Thanks for listening to me talk shit, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," She shrugs "I've seen you do worse."

This cracks a smile on my face, I turn my head and am met with the Jackson skyline, a beautiful pink sunset on the horizon "Sun's setting," I say.

"Sleepover?" Ellie asks.

"Sleepover," I confirm.

13 years old- Grade Eight

We were thirteen when our parents shoved cash into our hands and dropped us at the mall to go back to school shopping by ourselves for the first time. Every parent's nightmare was a busy mall so when they figured us old enough to venture into the dreaded foodcourt on our own, believed they were taking that opportunity.

Ellie had bought a couple of T-shirts and hoodies here and there, not too particular about what she was buying, though I was very nit-picky over what I wore so I forced Ellie to judge every single outfit that I wore and rate it, she gave the same answer every single time "It looks fine."

"Cool but I don't wanna look fine, I wanna look pretty," I say in frustration, walking back into the dressing room to try on another outfit. Ellie is sitting in the fitting room on a pink velvet couch, arms crossed and waiting for me to finish. "How's this?" I ask, walking out of the changing stall and giving her a little twirl.

"It looks fine- I mean good, everything looks good on you." She sounds almost exasperated. Ellie's hair was still that vibrant auburn colour that my mother was obsessed with, it had yet to fade out into a duller brown with age.

"Really?" I perk up just the slightest.

"Yeah, you look really pretty." She gives me a little nod of confirmation. I know that she's only saying that because she wants to go to the food court and get a cinnamon bun but I believe her anyway.

14 years old- Grade Nine

We were just nearing the end of the second half of our soccer game. It was the tournament and we were only a point away from placing first in the league, the thought of it had kept me up all week I was running off of Subway sandwiches and Gatorade.

Riley (the midfielder) swiftly passed the ball to me before she was surrounded by the other team's defence, I looked up to the clock and there were only seconds left in the match. I let my instincts take over, my parents forcing me into soccer since elementary school was not going to wind up useless. My footwork took me up the right wing just before the penalty box.

I wasn't paying enough attention to notice the tall blonde girl in a slick back ponytail closing in on me. I hear Ellie shout my name and that's all I need to make this last pass, I barely even looked up before power-driving the ball to Ellie who was merely six metres away from me. I slipped onto the muddied field with that kick, watching Ellie waste no time to score our final goal the second her cleat touched the ball.

The clock deadlocks and I drag myself off the ground running towards my best friend, I jump on her almost taking her down with me though she manages to steady herself. "I fucking love you!" I scream hugging her with all of the force I can muster. She hugs me in return, unable to get any words out between her laughs. The team is quick to swarm us, everyone is shouting about our well-deserved victory but not one person is louder than Joel in the stands.

15 years old- Grade Ten

Snow was falling as I stood in the foyer of the high school, still waiting for my date for the winter formal to arrive. Conner had asked me out weeks ago, we hadn't talked much since though I just figured that was because he was shy. I even left school early to get ready and spent hours meticulously pinning every hair into place and adjusting my navy blue satin dress so it would drape across my body in just the right way.

My sister, Naomi was an aspiring makeup artist so I let her dust my eyelids in silver glitter, I forced Warren to drive me. All of that was just for me to get stood up. Conner hadn't texted me all day, I knew he wasn't coming that didn't stop me from forcing denial on myself. "Hey," I heard a soft voice sound behind me, I wasn't surprised to see Ellie. Even though our parents were no longer friends, we were close as ever.

"Hi," My voice was hushed and feeble.

"The dance started an hour ago," She said, that night she had been wearing a white button-up with a pair of jeans and her hair half up. It was clear the dance wasn't as big a deal to her as it was to me. All she had done was ask Riley to go with her and call it a day. Despite her lack of effort, she looks beautiful as ever "I don't think he's coming," She said bluntly.

That's the exact moment I felt myself crack, tears welled up in my eyes and I lurched forward to hug her, flailing my arms helplessly to search for comfort "Then why did he ask me to go with him?" My sobs were drowned out by the sound of Kesha blasting in the overcrowded gym.

"I don't know, but he's an idiot for standing you up," Ellie holds me close and I never want her to let go "I wouldn't have ever done that to you."

16 years old- Grade Eleven

This is where things begin to fall apart. I found Ellie on the back porch of some random guy's house at a party. "I figured I would find you out here," I say, taking a seat next to her on the wooden steps, I hug my knees close to my chest.

"What's up?" Beside me, Ellie is unnervingly calm, she nurses a joint, taking a long hit and letting the smoke turn to clouds.

"Conner kissed me," I say cutting to the chase

I can tell she doesn't like the thought, she hated Conner, ever since he stood me up at the winter formal but she bites her tongue "You guys gonna date?"

"I think so."

"Good for you."

"I don't know if I liked it," My eyebrows are furrowed, and I pull my knees in even further, inhaling the crisp autumn air and the smell of Ellie, she smells like cannabis, firewood and bar soap.

"What do you mean?" Ellie puts out the end of her joint and tucks what remains of it into an empty Altoids container.

"Nothing," I dismiss it, "It doesn't matter, I just wanted to talk to you," Ellie had softened every burden for me since we were girls. "Um, so, my parents are sending me to boarding school next year."

"No, they're not-

"They are."

Ellie doesn't seem so calm anymore, she adjusts her body to face mine and she's so close I swear to god I could've counted every freckle on her face. "Why, what did you do?" The way she looks at me makes me wish that she was a boy.

"Nothing!" I retort "They think I'm straying from god, it's a Christian school." That was my code for 'they think I have a crush on you and I rather not get disowned by my super religious parents!'

"come stay with me and Joel-

"Ellie, please," I place a hand on her thigh "I don't think I can get away from this one."

That was at the end of September, it only got worse from there. I partially wished that I didn't tell Ellie that I had to leave, every time we hung out it just felt like words were hanging between us like birds on a wire and neither of us could say what we wanted. I forced myself to distance myself from her, I didn't know how else to handle my feelings.

She would blow up my phone and come by my house even visit my work but I just told her that I was busy. I could tell that she didn't believe my excuses for a second, she had English with my new boyfriend, Conner and would get him to relay messages and notes to me.

It didn't get easier to ignore her, my family prying about where she had been. I never told my parents that Ellie was gay, though I know they had always had a suspicion and that's why they could never love her all the way completely, the way Joel loved me and looked out for me. My mom and dad liked that I swapped out Ellie for Conner, by February, my dad even started to call him son.

In March Ellie and I had stopped talking completely, she gave up on texting me and coming by my house just for my siblings to lie about my whereabouts. It hurt to see the resentment gleam in her eye every time she passed me in the hallway.

She didn't speak a word to me until the start of the summer bonfire which was custom in our town. If I had known she would be there I never even would have thought about going. I rather not rehash this awful night, not right now just know that it ended with some alcohol, a bit of blood in the sand and me telling Ellie 'I would pick him over you every single time.' Yikes, that's not a good look for me. I spent the rest of my summer burying her in the back of my mind until boarding school finally came upon me and I graduated with friends I didn't like in a place that didn't feel like home.

I was sixteen then now I'm nineteen, no longer a girl but not yet a woman. Those were some key moments of our friendship. I'm not so sure why I felt so mature at the age of sixteen. I had taken a gap year and loved every minute of it, I backpacked in Australia, worked as a camp counsellor in the summer then left to work at a turtle conservatory in Bali, I was making pennies but the experience was worth it.

I arrived at my new home sunkissed with Ellie far in the back of my mind. I didn't know much about who I would be rooming with, I had only spoken to Dina over a Zoom call who was a friendly girl with warm eyes and ink-black hair spilling over her shoulders. I just prayed that none of them were Craigslist killers.

It took me entirely too long to find parking, when I finally did, I grabbed two of my suitcases, unable to hold anything else, the rest of the boxes jammed into my car would have to wait. I read over the text that Dina sent me what seemed to be a million times to make sure I had the right address. It was a small-ish one-story flat with brown walls that had white accents along corners and the doorway with a wood-panelled gable roof. As far as college housing went, I was happy. It looked like something I would've made in the Sims when I was a teenager.

I walk to the front door, the entrance is framed by intricately carved moulding, its details telling a story of craftsmanship and tradition. The wood, polished to a warm, inviting glow, exudes a sense of richness and history. I knocked on the door and heard a voice shouting that she would get it.

The door swings open and I'm met face to face with Dina "Hey!" She smiled "It's nice to meet you, I think you'll like it here," She held the door wide open, motioning for me to go in, and I obliged. "Let me give you a tour." Dina is clad in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt and her hair has been pulled back into a messy ponytail.

The layout of the house seemed somewhat odd to me, there was a corridor straight ahead when you walked in, the first room was the laundry room and contained the washer and dryer with some hampers and shelves of detergent and laundry freshener. "This is the laundry room, we have a wash schedule along with a chore schedule so we will put you on that tonight," Dina told me, I just nodded politely in response feeling a little too awkward and out of place to say anything.

"Alright so this is the kitchen, there's a half bathroom beside it," She says, swinging her arms wide open for exaggeration I can see the chore chart hanging on the walls, it's written in chalk, and it is the laundry schedule. There are little laminated tags with each person's name on them, though I can't quite make out the names from where I am standing. The fridge is covered in postcards, magazine cutouts, polaroids, and bright magnets of papayas and flowers, I automatically assumed this was Dina despite not knowing the other roommates. The kitchen is open with no walls to hide it, the oven and dishwasher are built into counters against the walls as well as the sink which i spotless at the moment, there isn't a dining table but a kitchen island with stools. Past the island you can see the living room, there are two grey couches with decorative pillows and fuzzy throw blankets, a coffee table that looked handcrafted with care and of course a TV.

Have I mentioned there are plants everywhere? Like everywhere. "Okay, so," Dina keeps on moving and I trail behind with my suitcases, over there is my room and Cat's and Abby's," She points to the left of the living room where there is a short hallway with three doors, one on each wall of it. "There's Cat now," She waves at her roommate.

Cat is relatively tall, she has black hair that's tied into a bun, and she's wearing plaid pyjama pants and a black tank top, I can see her abundance of tattoos. She has one sleeve of laurel cascading up her arm and the other is patchwork done right, each separate piece blends almost seamlessly into the next. "I like your tattoos," I say, not wanting to sit in any more silence.

She grins at me "Thanks, love," I nod in response to her, Cat looks down at the suitcases that I'm lugging around "Dina, take this poor girl to her room already."

"I was just getting there," Dina teases and motions for me to follow her "So over here is the bathroom and of course your room, I left your copy of the house key on your mattress," She opens it up. The bedroom is completely blank aside from the boxed bedframe, shelf, vanity and mattress that I had to send over prior. There's a built-in closet in the wall.

I put my suitcases on the ground "I'm gonna grab the rest of my stuff from my car," I offer up a tight-lipped smile.

"Wait a second," She takes my hand and then knocks on the bedroom door parallel to mine. "I'm coming in!" Dina announces pushing the door open, there's a brunette girl hunched over her desk. My breath hitches in my throat when she turns around "This is Ellie."

I can see the panic that momentarily takes over Ellie when she spots me before it's replaced by a false coolness, "Hey," She says before turning back to her laptop and putting her headphones back on. It felt like my heart had shut down, why the fuck did I sign the lease?

"Sorry," Dina shuts Ellie's door "She's not the friendliest of the bunch but she'll warm up to you eventually," Dina walks to the front door with you Abby should be around here somewhere."

I had gotten so frustrated trying to set up my bed frame that I sheepishly left my room and asked for help, god bless Abby. She was putting everything together so easily, I watched her in awe as she finished adding the final screw to my bedframe. "Want help setting up the mattress?"

"Yes, please," I say, I grab one end of the mattress while Abby gets the other, she tells me to lift on three and I listen, she carries the majority of the weight but it still feels like an accomplishment on my part. "So does everyone here go to Northridge?"

"Yeah, except for Cat, she's a tattoo apprentice."

"Cool, cool," I search for words, "What are you majoring in?"

"Kinesiology," It makes sense, I could've called that by looking at the fit gym rat who was now sitting on my bed. "You?"

"Wildlife biology,"

"So you like animals and conservation and stuff?"

"Mhm," I nod "It's honestly kind of hard to not have any animals in my life." I was missing all my pets back home, when I wasn't with them I was working at a conservatory or at a summer camp where I took care of all of the horses, and Ellie's dog, Achilles.

"You'll get used to it, living with Dina is the same thing as living with an animal," She smiles and for the first time, I feel comfortable. Abby watching me with her blue eyes as I begin to unpack my abundance of boxes, I kind of just dump everything onto the ground because I can't remember which box has what, the first thing I search for are my coat hangers. I dump out a box with a bible, wall cross, and rosery and golden cross necklace from a box of random knickknacks. "You religious?"

"Kind of?" I question it myself "Not really, it's just my family, I packed that stuff to make my mom happy."

Abby nods "I get it."

"You do?"

She backtracks "No, but I can try to."

I shake my head, "I wouldn't try if I were you, I spent nineteen years trying to get away from it." I was sure other Christian homes were healthy but mine wasn't one of them, the way my parents obsessed over Jesus was honestly frightening.

"Hey, do you wanna come watch a movie when your done unpacking?" Abby asked, "Get to know your new roommates a little better."

I don't entirely want to, I wasn't ready to talk to Ellie. I still hadn't wrapped my head around the fact that I was living with her and that she was pretending she didn't know me, despite this, my words betrayed me "For sure."

I sat on one of the couches beside Abby, I made myself as small as I could, thinking that maybe I could make myself disappear. Cat and Ellie crammed themselves on the other while Dina took the plush armchair. I felt so out of place everyone here had relationships, I had one with Ellie before I severed it 'Grown Ups' was playing on the flatscreen though it seemed I was the only one paying attention.

The four girls all laughed and talked their way through the movie, Abby, Cat, and Dina would ask me a question here and there but I didn't know them well enough to pitch in. I kept telling myself that I needed to push through, if Spiderman could do it, so could I.

I didn't even finish the movie, halfway through I excused myself saying I was tired which wasn't necessarily a lie. It was difficult to fathom how well Ellie was playing it off, acting like she never met me. I walk into the bathroom, clean towel in hand, ready to scrub off the stress of today. Beside the mirror, I see a cardstock poster decorated with bright markers and doodles.

HOUSE RULES

#1 No underwear left in the bathroom

#2 Wash your dishes

#3 Break it? Tell Abby

#4 No smoking inside

#5 Privates are private!

#6 Pls don't drink and drive (We have a couch)

#7 Give your beloved roommates a heads up before having someone over

#8 This is a residence of women so the seat goes down!!!

#9 Respect the bedrooms

#10 Having sex? Keep it quiet

#11 NO DRAMA!!!!!!!!

#12 Follow chore and wash chart

#13 Don't eat what's not yours! (Without asking)

I finish reading the last bit and mutter to myself "Wasn't planning on it." I run the water so hot that it feels cold and I'm quick to not use all of the hot water and have my roommates hate me on my first night here. Everyone has their little drawers in the bathroom, mine is empty aside from some floss and cotton pads that the girl before me left behind. I make a mental note to make use of my bathroom drawer tomorrow and fill it with makeup remover or conditioner, or something like that.

Brushing my teeth and wrapping myself in a strawberry towel that I had purchased at a craft fair, I open the bathroom door, I can see the light of the TV and the sound of chatter from the living room. However, I ignore it and make a B-line to my bedroom. Even though I had spent hours unpacking and pinning up posters it still didn't seem homey.

I slip into shorts and a t-shirt, leaving my hair as is and throw myself onto my bed. My towel is discarded onto my bathroom floor. When I turn on my phone I am bombarded my messages from my parents, my mother has probably sent me twelve Google pins to the closest churches, I answer her with a thumb-up emoji and settle into my bed to scroll through social media and see how much fun all of my friends are having.

Fucking Ellie. She's plaguing my thoughts, I think of what I said to her and it makes me cringe, I want to smother myself with my satin pillow. I don't even have food to eat, grocery shopping wasn't something that I put on my priority list and right about now I was but Ellie, god, why was I such a dick? Because I didn't know what else to do- whatever, I was a scared teenager. What would you have done? Probably kiss her you lesbo.

Lord, it makes me sick to think about what could've been.

15 years old- Grade Ten

Ellie and I were sitting at a fire pit at her uncle Tommy's lake house. It was a Fourth of July party except we were the only teenagers there; everyone else was friends of Tommy and Maria or some distant relatives of Ellie's or children of said people.

After five years of practicing day and night, Ellie had just about mastered the acoustic guitar, she played and I sang, wrapped up in her flannel, I was tucked close next to her.

She struck every cord perfectly and I began to sing absentmindedly, the song that had been carved into my brain. Ellie looked so insanely beautiful illuminated only by fire and the stars that hung in the sky, if it hadn't been a sin I would've kissed her.

Talking to her felt as holy as praying to god but I knew it was as sinful as worshipping the devil.

If it was so wrong why was I born in God's image?

Her gentle hand strummed on the chords of the guitar, the same calloused hand that had once turned water into wine. Her laughter was the sound of a church choir

I wish I told her how much I liked her but what would've happened if I did? What would my parents think, they would kill me.

Part of me didn't care how my parents would react, if I spoke up, I could say goodbye to my inheritance and having college paid for. Maybe that was an unfair assumption to make on my part. Ugh. FUCK, I don't know, let's get to the next part of the story.

I couldn't sleep that night, I thought maybe a glass of water would soothe me, well I didn't really think that but I was hungry and thirsty and water was the only thing in that house I had the right to ingest. I figured that I could fill myself with water and zip to Denny's in the morning then grab some groceries.

Poking my head out of my door, I checked to see if anyone was still awake before gingerly taking hushed steps towards the kitchen, I was trying to be as light as Thumbelina. I hadn't noticed Ellie bumming on the couch, scrolling through her phone.

"You cooking all of that non-existent food you brought?" She jeered. Oh, now she wanted to talk to me.

"I was gonna have some warm water soup for dinner and chew on pistachio shells from the cup holder in my car for dessert," I answer "I'm treating myself tonight." She didn't think it was funny at all, a few years ago she would've been cackling at my subpar joke, but now she just seemed unamused. "Sheesh, tough crowd."

She stays silent.

"You used to think I was funny," I say.

"I also used to think the tooth fairy was real."

"Harsh," I mutter. Turning the tap on and sticking a finger underneath it to test the temperature. I put my hummingbird mug underneath it and let it fill. "Hey, Ellie," She doesn't answer "Have you told them any bad things about me?"

She nearly scoffs "No, believe it or not, I don't talk about you, I don't even think about you," There's venom in her voice "You haven't crossed my mind since you walked through that door."

"Why are you pretending you don't know me-

"Because I don't fucking like you," She says it like it's so obvious and it honestly is in this moment "Just because you're pretty and you act like a sweet little Christain girl, that doesn't mean shit."

"I'm not trying to act like anything-

"Yeah, well it seems pretty insincere to me," Ellie seethed and I could feel a sting in my heart, I would do some pretty horrendous things for a time machine right about now. I can tell that there won't be any salvaging for this, she hates me to death and rightfully so.

This is where I give up "Okay, sorry," I grab my hummingbird mug and retreat to my room.

I endured four months of that.

Ellie was pushed to the back of my mind while I ran through classes and got a job as a waitress at a stake house. I did everything in my power to keep myself busy, to keep her out of my head but she was always there, she hung around like a song I can't shake, like I'm haunted by the melody.

Some nights when the city decides to quiet down I can hear her play guitar, and I'll quietly hum along to it. Songs she used to sing for me, she now sings for another woman, another soul. I knew that she had girls over, but I never got to meet them as Ellie did everything in her power to pretend I didn't exist.

The only communication I got with her was in the roommate's group chat, and it was always brief.

Ellie: Having a friend over tomorrow night

D-manz: Friend? With benefits??????????

Kit-Cat: Nah they're hardly even friends, just benefits

Abs: Don't get her pregnant

Me: 👍

As long as I was with the girls, Ellie was not. She avoided me like the plague, it was like she despised my existence. If we go clubbing, she takes a separate taxi, petty if you ask me. The girls knew something happened between us but they couldn't pinpoint what it was. It was Dina's conspiracy that Ellie used to date one of my friends and broke her heart. While I bonded with Cat, Dina, and Abby, Ellie would pretend to like me. She would occasionally laugh at my jokes or ask how my shift was when Dina was in the room.

Trust me when I say I would rather forget than dwell on it but it was impossible. I know that I'm nothing more than an obstacle to her, a stain on her bedsheets, a sore in her mouth, but she was still my diamond in the rough. I will willingly ignore all of her cutthroat words and her jagged edges.

Because I know everything about us.

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writing-relatedactivities · 5 months

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A Very Ask A Manager Thanksgiving

So I love advice blogs (I maintain that comment sections on advice blogs are the best free tool for writers to explore different viewpoints, which really enriches your characterization), and for a few years now, I have had this idea that I want to do a do an Ask A Manager themed dinner, purely to delight myself. Meant to do it as a cookout this summer, but timing never worked out, so I broached the idea of doing it for Thanksgiving. My partner, who is also a nerd and therefore very supportive of my advice blog love even though it is not one of their interests, was down, with their only condition being that I should still make my cider bread with maple butter.

The menu:

Appetizers

Chips with:

Guacamole in honor of Guacamole Bob, of "ordering extra guacamole is wasteful of member dues” fame. (This being on the menu may also have been a factor in Partner being willing to have our holiday take on an Ask A Manager theme, as I once took a community education course on grilling that taught me nothing about its ostensible subject matter but did teach me to make a bomb-ass guacamole. The secret is that your first step should be to pulverize an entire head of garlic into a paste in your mocajete.)

Three store bought salsas, where the trick is to "fold" the salsa to get the best flavor

A bottle of hot sauce so we can get fired after a coworker steals our spicy food

Main Course

"Duck club" sandwiches in honor of the secret office sex club where you get points for sex in different locations, and quacking is involved. (These were very decadent and if anyone's interested in a great duck recipe, I used the Duck with Lemon recipe from A Feast of Ice and Fire.)

Sides

Cheap-ass rolls that I definitely deliberately brought to upstage you, yes you, the person who signed up to bring Hawaiian rolls! It's definitely not an overreaction on your part to declare that "they can all take Santa and stick it up their ass!" You're definitely not getting fired for being wildly hostile! (These are actually homemade rolls, but I weighed "buy actually cheap rolls and be done" or "spend a couple hours adapting a corgi butt roll recipe to a human butt roll," and chose in favor of the pun.)

Dessert

Bribery cupcakes, from that time a letter writer brought some cupcakes over to chat with her neighbor, the son of the Chief of Police, about a disruptive noise issue in her workplace and some commenters decided this constituted bribing a public servant. (The recipe is in the comments on that link; I made the carrot cake version. However, I realized halfway through that I was somehow low on vanilla despite obsessively buying fancy vanilla extract every time I am in a spice shop, along with a bunch of other things I don't need because buying cool spices makes me feel like a wizard. Anyway, half of these had vanilla in the filling/icing, and the other half had cardamom extract.)

A birthday cake that somehow crosses boundaries by...being too fancy? Being paid for a staff person? Not involving the wife in the planning? Anyway, the real answer to the letter writer's question is, "Eh, I don't think it's a big deal" because different offices have different norms around birthdays and it's whatever, but sometimes a low-stakes office norms question hits just right and you get 630 comments of people debating The One True Way to Do Office Birthdays, and whether or not buying a cake means you're angling for an affair. (Okay, not all the comments are about that particular letter. Anyway, I picked up this fancy-ass cake at Marc Heu Patisserie, and appropriately enough, the guy ahead of me in line was picking up a cake for his boss.)

And of course, what Ask A Manager column would be complete without chocolate teapots?

Beverages

Mudslides, because "girls love chocolate." And magic tricks. And being played "You're So Vain" on the piano with a mournful stare. Partner and I are both notorious lightweights but I had been snacking all day as I cooked so I was mostly immune. Partner took one sip of this drink and immediately began loudly telling me how their one colleague doesn't sing enough to his Pre-K students, and "this classroom will do anything if you sing to them!" After dinner, they lay down on the floor and sang the Slippery Fish song.

The full spread:

#ask a manager #askamanager #alison green #thanksgiving #cooking #adventures in nerdery

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mrmhor · 1 year

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Adventure through CANADA

It was snow covered night, we were in Vancouver, Canada, Whistler to be exact, and had just touched down after a 15 hour flight my family and I were aching and quacking, every bone and joint was sore, it was both dry as it was horrid in that plane. We just couldn't wait to get off, as we stood up, oh how amazing it was, the sigh of relief as we cracked our bones back into place, and the dizziness of it all as our bodies began to recirculate. After that God given feeling we all bombarded through the mounds of bags over top of us hoping to find ours, we located them under all the others, target spotted we were going in, we lunged and grabbed our bags and stormed out of that flying metal box with wings. It felt amazing to walk again,

"loosen up those ancient joints." father said. But now we had a years long walk ahead of us, all the way to the baggage claim point. We passed by toilets that would always give off the eroma of dirt and filth, we dare not go in there. And the hundreds of fully stocked vending machines, just hoping to one day be used. We took an uncountable amount of twists and turns, millions of steps even your fit bit wouldn't register, but you have too, so you press on. You can hear the ladies voice as she spits out flight times, but that doesn't even drown out the pain you are feeling at that particular moment. But you see it the baggage claim, its there in all its glory, a tear glides down your cheek as you stare blankly at the sight of the magisty himself, the baggage claim.

You stand round, as the multiple hoards of people roll in as they hope to as well. claim their bags. But some never do, you dread the idea of yours too not making it. But there you stand with your trolly empty, your parents are on the look out, like a hawk looking for supper. They looked and they looked! But they just never seemed to have come. The feeling of sorrow and sadness filled the air, it was sour, like a fresh wet lemon on your tounge. And each time the black dusty draft curtain would clatter, it would be a new sign of hope, hope for that our bags would make it, with all our belongings clinging to one another. As the mounds of people began to clear, and the lady in the speaker had nothing more to declare, we lost all hope, we had simply just given up. The silence spoke, it was the loudest thing you might ever hear, it spoke of both sadness and angish. And then the ringing began, we had no clue where it came from we were completely dumbfounded, but we had relised it was from inside our ears, it wouldn't stop, and it didn't stop.

Not until they came atleast, we heard the draft curtain clatter just on last time, the room lit up with both joy and excitement. We spun round and it was love at first sight, the bags, there they were, pulling up in exact perfect condition as we had left them. Still covered in tags from decades ago, and that thin layer of dust that just never seems come off no matter how much you brush and scrub. We gave our bags a kiss and ploped them down as elegantly as could be. We strolled out with every belonging we had with ear to ear grins on each and every one of our faces.

But then it hit us, like a bullet to the abdomin, the soul piercing cold, the tremendously outrageous winds and weather that seemed other worldly. It shook us to the core, we stumbled back out of shock. But waved down the last and final cab there was, he raced over and came to screechy holt. But he dared to get out, for he may freeze to a hard stone ice brick. While he was sitting in his car like a duck in a pond, we didn't waste a second on getting our bags into that trunk, we jammed them in, we smacked, kicked and rammed them in. Doesn't matter how we just had to get them in. We then clawed our way to the door, barley being able to grasp at the door handle, due to the ravaging storm that hails on outside.

We got it open and slammed the door shut! It was amazing to feel your body again, the ability to move and wiggle your fingers once again.

"Oh how we take such simple things for granted." we all thought. The driver spoke,

"Where ya heaed?" He questioned,

"The hill side Whistler resort. Thanks." Then, the journey had begun, but you couldn't see a thing, the world was drenched with white fluffy snow.

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sys-out-print · 1 year

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cocktails + kinnporsche

it's very much procrastination featuring casual drinking and wiki spirals, the fuel for this episode of nobody-asked-but-listen.

cocktails: shown

1. Blue Margarita

“and for Lada…a little special, i’ll handle it”

the drink name was not mentioned but this looks to be a blue margarita:

tequlia + lime juice + blue curaçao + simple syrup + salt rim

a blue margarita introduces the colour by using blue curaçao instead of the more common orange liqueur (triple sec), which despite the decidedly unnatural colour, is an liqueur that is also orange flavoured (the colour is artificially added), and slightly more bitter than triple sec.

this was also served to tankhun during his virgin visit to yok’s bar (or at least a suspiciously similar blue drink).

🔗 Blue Margarita Recipe

2. Burnt Orange Old Fashioned

“make me a drink”

i mean, they already dropped the ingredients, it’s an (bourbon) old fashioned:

bourbon + sugar + aromatic bitters + orange rind

except! there is a slight variation.

serving an old fashioned usually involves squeezing and occasionally rubbing (no minds in the proverbial gutters) an orange peel around the cup, typically on the rim to let the citrus oil add a little extra flavour and aroma to the drink (a good cocktail tastes great and smells great, as is the common adage).

porsche torches the orange peel instead, which is interesting. the flame used might be to add some smoke and enhance the orange-y aroma (fire slightly caramelises the citrus oil).

or maybe, it’s just to add a little flair to the cocktail preparation. appreciatively, porsche taking the time and extra-ness to make a fancier old fashioned might just be an act of dominance posturing in the capacity of his station, behind the bar and beneath the unavowed threat of a bunch of mafia dudes in the bar sitting in a row like the rockettes.

🔗 Burnt Orange Old Fashioned Cocktail Recipe

🔗 Cocktail 101: How to flame an orange twist granish

🔗 The Blanchard Old Fashioned

3. Flaming B-52 Shot

“ffffiiiiirrrrreeeee”

a lit drink, literally. probably a flaming B-52 shot:

coffee liqueur + baileys + grand marnier + rum

or, a b-52 shot with flames (courtesy of the rum), served with a heatproof straw to protect the pretty faces.

porsche knows how to start a party. liquor com describes the drink as a good-looking shot that “goes down easily and is usually followed by calls for another round”, which was exactly what happened.

🔗 Flaming B-52 Shot

🔗 B-52

3. il cuore de kinn

“meaning?” “kinn’s heart”

very sweet, literally. from the short bartending kinn clip, the drink has:

honey: specifically a honey with the label “THAI HONEY” (which is also in my kitchen cabinet).

2. xii gin: it’s only in a blue bottle, which took some creative googling. had a suspicion it was a gin / tequlia / vodka of some sort, given how the drink is honey coloured (so clear alcohol, not flavoured liquors such as campari, kahua etc) and those are the usual alcohol used in mixes. xii gin is also a dry gin, which would be better for what i think this cocktail is.

3. lemon: it was on the cutting board (which is very messy, tell-tale sign that the man hasn’t worked in food service ever TT TT) with a huge chunk taken out of it, lemon juice was probably in that drink

as expected, there isn’t some ready recipe for one to be at a bar ordering kinn’s heart, but i believe this is likely a Bee’s Knees:

honey syrup + lemon juice + gin

the gin used should preferably be a dry one (see above on gin xii). the ingredients are shaken, which results in a cocktail that has a yellow hue identical to the drink that kinn is serving up — if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck.

side note: point to make is that most recipes call for a honey syrup, not just honey, like kinn is doing because honey doesn’t incorporate very well being a viscous liquid, especially in cold drinks (the cocktail is usually shaken with ice, because tepid cocktails should not exist).

earlier in the same episode, the drinks the boat party attendees are also drinking a similar drink.

🔗 Gin XII Provence

🔗 Thai Honey (Longon)

🔗 Bee’s Knees

🔗 Bee’s Knees Cocktail

cocktails: mentioned

1. Pink Lady

“for this beautiful Jang. Pink lady”

well, porsche sure knows how to pick em drinks, pretty drink for a pretty lady:

gin + applejack + lemon juice + grenadine + egg white

it looks cute and tastes more of candy than spirits but there is a lot of alcohol in the drink.

2. Shaken Vodka Martini

“and the charming kaproy, vodka martini, shaken, not stirred”

to remember that a customer prefers vodka (martinis are also commonly made with gin) in her shaken (martinis can also be stirred) martini is why porsche deserve a lot of drink tips.

this is also popularly known as the james bond drink:

vodka + vermouth + olives

shaking vs stirring

shaking a cocktail (usually with ice) dilutes the drink more (making it weaker) and chills the liquids faster, nothing you wouldn’t expect from going for a rough tumble with ice.

gin vs vodka

gin tastes “botanical” (herby) and vodka is easier to drink (aka less complex).

🔗 Classic Vodka Martini Recipe

🔗 007 Martini Recipe

🔗 James Bond requested that his Martini be "shaken not stirred"? Would it make any difference?

others

1. A T Beer

“what are you doing here”

i don’t think this beer is an actual product. the too-obvious placement should have tipped me off. Chang comes into mind when i think about a thai beer that also use green glass bottles.

🔗 Thai Beer Culture and the Most Popular Beers in Thailand

2. Remy Martin Louis XIII

“do what you want to do”

it’s an expensive cognac, more than a month of my wage kind of expensive. the slight confusion in the bottle being the Louis XIII (the cognac, not the french king) but the cap being more Martin XO (does not cost my monthly wage).

🔗 Remy Martin Louis XIII 700ml w/Gift Box

🔗 Remy Martin XO 700ml w/ Gift Box

3. Fever-Tree Premium Indian Tonic Water

“welcome to hum bar!”

not an alcohol but a mixer still counts right?

🔗 Fever-Tree Premium Indian Tonic Water Bottle

4. Generic Whiskey

maybe it’s bourbon, or scotch. it is just a brownish drink in a nice glass usually served from a crystal decanter and whiskey fulfils fictional tropes of both the mafia and rich people. the bar at the back also seem to only contain whiskey bottles.

5. Generic Champagne

it could be prosecco, but i’m not going to insult the Theerapanyakun wealth like that.

(okay, that's all)

#kinnporche the series #kinnporsche #alcohol #cocktails #please drink responsibly #and safely #and legally #writing

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rubidusmagnet · 2 years

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Unprompted

@ncmvds asked: The red duck sat patiently in the worn basket as if waiting until the captain picked up the note that was loosely attached.

Hey, Sorry about the lemons or whatever. This is Tim. She's my favourite so you better take care of her. Her eggs are good to eat.

Apalla

Tim had taken this time to hop out of the basket and begin to nibble at the trim of Kid's boots, then just as suddenly stopped to stare up at him with a single quack.

Another few days passed before the crew had yet another surprise come aboard their ship. This time it was a lot more welcome then the mountain of fruit they’d been forced to turn into lemonade before the bunches went bad.

The surprise it seemed to be, was of a red duck nestled within a worn wicker basket that had a note attached. Ignoring the quiet coos of his men fawning over the creature, Kid turns the note over in his metal palm and began to read what sounded to him like a half-assed written apology that made him snort.

“ Sure, give me another mouth to feed why don’t you...” He trailed off as he stared at the duck now on the move and nibbling at his boots only to look up at him with the deepest, cutest black eyes known to man and an adorable quack to match.

... Fuck, this duck was gonna be the death of him.

#ncmvds #(asks)#He is already in deep LMAO

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carli-meows · 2 months

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call me constipated, the way i cant give a shit

call me a motherfuckin' winner the way I'm done with this

call me quack the way im pissed off like a duck

and call me asexual the way i don't give a fuck

call me Chester Cheetah cause it's not easy

call me lemon zest the way it's easy peasy

call me Jeez, like Louise, the inventor of cheese

call me nuts, youre hoover, the way you suck on deez

call me daddy the way that i fucked your mother

call me faggot too, i also fucked your brother

call me the N word, i'll call you the L then the M word

call me Lou the way I skip around your world

call me bitch made the way my mom raised me

and a son of a bitch too the way my dad raised me

and the way I'm a frog, you can call me crazy and a sinner

just dont call carson, kevin, or late to fuckin dinner

call me a hater the way i indiscriminately hate you

and your baby mama's mama and those who celebrate you

call me a werebitch after you read up on my lore

and a juggalo the way that i grave dig horror core

call me Carly the way you can call me maybe

call me a refrance, the way you think you're baby

call me copy cat, the way that i mimic my fursona

call me a mime, the way im always quiet all the time

call me lucky number 7, just cause, i dont know

call me indecisive and lazy, i don't care or know

call me a whatchamacallit and a whozeewhatzit

with the way my gender is whatever i wants it

call me pansexual and all that "OoOoOh I fUcK pAnS"

call me a super freak the way I fuck you outcha pants

call me Carli the Carnie the way im down with the clown

call me questionable, with how long it took to jot this down

#ramblings #rhymes #scheduled

0 notes

bukatra · 1 year

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DO. NOT. FEED. DUCKS. BREAD.

Guys, I know everyone of us has done it. We go up to the edge of the water with a loaf of bread and toss chunks to the ducks and laugh as they fight over each other to get a piece. Most likely, your parents or other adult figure taught you, as did their parents.

BUT YOU NEED TO STOP.

I dont mean stop feeding ducks, thats awesome. Feed the ducks. But dont feed them bread.

Bread is bad for birds.

1. It had hardly any nutrition. Its like twinkies. all simple sugars that offer no nutritional value.

2. like twinkies and junk food, it can be addicting. The ducks will pass up good, wholesome food if they think they will get yummy bread instead.

3. Worst of all, it can lead to Angel Wing, a very serious disease that makes them grow up unable to fly. One of the leading causes is a high-calorie, low-nutrient diet while still growing. Bread is about the highest calorie-lowest nutrient food you can give a bird!!!!

4. It can destroy the ecosystem. Bread that falls into the water and isnt eaten can mildew and mold. This can kill fish and destroy the entire lake/river/etc.

Instead, feed the ducks other stuff.

1. Did you know ducks love melon rinds? yeah. they go nuts for watermelon and cantaloupe rinds. So this summer, save the inedible rinds of your picnic melons and bring them to ducks. YUM.

2. Berries too. if you have frozen fruit thats freezer burned, take it to the lake!!!! they dont care if the blueberries are wrinkles and soggy!!!

3. Old veggies are YUMMY to birds and give them good nutrients!! Im talking cucumbers, peas, squash, zucchini, corn, kale, or broccoli… its all so good for them. so dont toss the soggy veggeis, give them to the ducklings.

4. CORN!!!!! For f***s sake. give the bird some corn. They LOVE it and its very very good for them.

5. Pumpkin seeds help them get ready for moltings and for the winter months.

These arent bread, but dont feed them these either:

1. Citrus. NOOOO. Dont feed them citrus fruit. no oranges, lemons, limes, grapefruit. no. dont. the citric acid will make them have weak egg shells.

2. NEVER FEED A DUCK OR ANY OTHER BIRD ANY PORTION OF AN AVOCADO. Its TOXIC. please dont do it. Im talking, skin, flesh, pit, Dont do it. It can cause heart attacks. The duck may be fine for an hour but it will die.

3. Onions can cause diarrhea and if you give it a lot, it can cause blood poisoning.

4. potatoes, tomatoes and eggplants are related to the nightshade. they contain small amounts of poisons. baby or young ducks can get sick.

5. Spinach is fine, but only a little bit. It can make their eggs weaker if the mom eats a lot. so maybe only a few leaves every so often.

I am NOT A BIRD EXPERT, so here are my references.

https://morningchores.com/feeding-ducks/

https://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/blogs/why-you-shouldnt-feed-ducks-bread

https://www.backyardchickens.com/threads/the-ultimate-list-of-duck-treats-and-supplements.242460/

Be good to ducks. They are nice and make good quacking sound.

Also, stop feeding them as soon as they grow uninterested. Leaving extra food to sink to the bottom of the water and rot is bad.

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lemonduckisnowawake · 4 months

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And here's the thread for book 2 of GoMaP. If you don't want your dash to be crowded, block "reading king's shadow." And with that....

#reading king's shadow #sheaverse #lemon duck quacks #i wasn't planning on making another thread but.....well #i am at a mall and reading #and don't plan on leaving anytime soon so....#updates hopefully won't be much because tumblr phone is horrible but....#this is me we're talking about

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ainews · 2 years

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A quack cake is a cake made with a mixture of flour, fat, water and baking soda. The cakes are often made in the shape of a duck or other bird, and are sometimes called "duck cakes" or "bird cakes". They are popular in the United States, Canada and the United Kingdom.

The origin of the quack cake is unknown, but it is thought to date back to the early 1800s. The cakes were originally made with a combination of flour, suet (beef or mutton fat), water and baking soda. The suet gave the cakes a rich flavor and helped them to keep their shape when baked.

Today, quack cakes are usually made with a combination of flour, butter, eggs, sugar, baking powder and milk. They are often flavored with vanilla, lemon or almond extract. Quack cakes are often decorated with icing, sprinkles or other toppings.

Quack cakes are a popular treat for kids and adults alike. They are often served at birthday parties, baby showers and other special occasions.

#ai generated #fake news

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approximately12lbs-of-ducks · 5 years

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Other examples of my work:

Dm me if you’re interested x) My instagram is reedlovescookies and my Redbubble is reedlovscookies (links in notes). Even if you can’t or aren’t interested in supporting me, please reblog and spread this post!

Thank you for reading! I hope you have a lovely day x)

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peearrdee · 3 years

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c!Dream SMP character neopronouns

Shoutout to @pronoun-man and the Pronoun Dressing Room. I thought this would be a fun post to make since there’s so many pronouns beyond he/she/they that can fit a character’s aesthetic!

DreamXD: He/Him (with capitalization); xe/xem/xis/xemself; god/god/gods/gods/godself; end/ender/enderself

Eret: (canonically uses any pronouns) roy/royal/royals/royalself; re/regent/regents/regents/rulerself; ki/kin/kins/kins/kingself

Ranboo: (genderman) ran/boo; end/ender/enderself

Ghostbur: (vibes like a pronoun hoarder) blu/blue/blues/blues/blueself; boo/boo/boo's/boo's/booself; haun/haunt/haunts/haunts/hauntself; spiri/spir/spir/spirs/spiritself

The Egg: (canonically uses it/its/itself) egg/egg/eggs/eggs/eggself

Antfrost: paw/paws; purr/purrs

Punz: hunt/hunter; ass/assassin (/J)

Ponk: lemon/lemons

Awesamdude: he/hiss/his/his/hiss-self; mos/moss/mosses/moss-self

Sapnap: fie/fire/fires/fires/fireself; py/pyro/pyros/pyros/blazeself

Quackity: quack/duck/quacks/ducks/duckself

Karl Jacobs: nya/nyan/nyans; meow/meows

Callahan: stag/stags/stagself; fae/faer/faer/faers/faerself

Philza: caw/crow/corvids/corvids/crowself; sen/sei (/hj)

Foolish: fin/fins; gold/golds

Tommy Innit: pog/poggers/pogs/pogs/pogchamp

[Note: These aren’t canon, and don’t apply to the content creators themselves. Please respect content creators’ preferred pronouns!]

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thedreammweaver · 4 years

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Masterlist

No longer being updated, here’s my ao3

Gotham (TV):

Draft Dodgers chapter 1. (Nygmobblepot 60s AU

Draft Dodgers Chapter 2. (Nygmobblepot 60s AU)

Draft Dodgers Chapter 3 (Nygmobblepot 60s AU)

Try (Post 5x12 Nygmobblepot fluff)

But Lately I’ve Been Crying like a Tall Child (Young!Gertrud, baby!Oswald)

Poof ( Nygmobblepot Hurt/comfort, Angst, trans!Oswald)

Like a Stuck Penguin (Post 5x12 Nygmobblepot hurt/comfort, insecure!Oswald)

Save the Wedding Bells for My Returning (During the ten years nygmobblepot angst/fluff)

Goodbye Horses (Nygmobblepot AU, photographer!Oswald, Model!Ed)

A Bit of a Jam (Post 5x12 Nygmobblepot fluff)

Hate Myself For Loving You (Nygmobblepot angst)

Baby Blues (post 5x12 Nygmobblepot hurt/comfort, angst, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

Operation “Friendship” (Nygmobblepot AU, hurt/comfort angst, jealous!imaginaryfriend!Oswald)

La Valse Du Sang (Post 5x12 nygmobblepot, vampire!Oswald)

Jump in the Saddle, Hold Onto the Bridle part 1 (Gotham Beetlejuice au, nygmobblepot)

John 6:53 (post 5x12 Nygmobblepot, cannibal!Oswald)

Stupid Cupid (Nygmobblepot fix-it fic, angst, hurt/comfort)

Yakety Yak (post 5x12 Nygmobblepot)

Latch On to the Affirmative (Post 5x12 nygmobblepot, Insecure!Oswald)

Rotten (Nygmobblepot, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

Something About a Soldier (post 5x12 Nygmobblepot, jealous!Ed)

Baby, You Ain't Lookin’ Right part 1 (Post 5x12 Nygmobblepot, hurt/comfort)

Baby, You Ain’t Lookin’ Right part 2 FINAL (post 5x12 nygmobblepot, hurt/comfort)

Hurry Back, Hurry Back (Nygmobblepot, during/post the ten years au, angst, hurt/comfort)

The Lines We Cross (post 5x12 Nygmobblepot angst)

By the Light of the Silvery Moon (Nygmobblepot au, werewolf!Oswald)

Baby and All (Post 5x12 nygmobblepot, angst, hurt/comfort, trans!pregnant!Ed)

Kiss Me, Mother, Kiss Your Darling (Gotham AU, angst)

A Fuss Among Friends (Post 5x12, nygmobblepot, protective!Ed)

Feed Me (Nygmobblepot, little shop of horrors au, plant monster!Oswald)

A Safe Place to Nest (Post 5x12 nygmobblepot, trans!pregnant!Oswald

At Last (Nygmobblepot 5x12 au)

Bump in the Night (Nygmobblepot)

Too Late (Oswald angst)

Unsought (Nygmobblepot, angst, hurt/comfort, trans!Ed)

Call of the Magpie part 1 (Nygmobblepot angst, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

Call of the Magpie part 2 FINAL (Nygmobblepot angst, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

My Pretties (post 5x12 nygmobblepot)

Not Over Any Oceans Chapter 1 (Nygmobblepot, The Santa Clause 2 au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz, elf!Penn)

Not Over Any Oceans Chapter 2 (Nygmobblepot, The Santa Clause 2 au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz, elf!Penn, Toy Santa!Burtonverse Oswald)

Not Over Any Oceans Chapter 3 (Nygmobblepot, The Santa Clause 2 au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz, elf!Penn, Toy Santa!Burtonverse Oswald)

Not Over Any Oceans Chapter 4 (Nygmobblepot, The Santa Clause 2 au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz, elf!Penn, Toy Santa!Burtonverse Oswald)

Not Over Any Oceans Chapter 5 (Nygmobblepot, The Santa Clause 2 au, Santa!Oswald, elf!Zsasz, elf!Penn, Toy Santa!Burtonverse Oswald)

Not Over Any Oceans Chapter 6 (Nygmobblepot, The Santa Clause 2 au, Santa!Oswald, elf!Zsasz, elf!Penn, Toy Santa!Burtonverse Oswald)

Not Over Any Oceans Chapter 7 FINAL (Nygmobblepot, The Santa Clause 2 au, Santa!Oswald, elf!Zsasz, elf!Penn, Toy Santa!Burtonverse Oswald)

Not Quite Down the Hatch (Young!Elijah x young!Gertrud, baby!Oswald)

Comfort and Joy (young!Elijah x young!pregnant!Gertrud)

Things Lost (Post 5x12 nygmobblepot)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 1 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 2 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 3 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 4 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 5 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 6 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 7 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 8 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 9 (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz)

When I Hear Those Reindeer Paws I’m Gonna Break The Law Chapter 10 FINAL (The Santa Clause 1 Gotham au, Santa!Oswald, head elf!Zsasz)

Melt Away (Gotham au, young!elijah, young!pregnant!Gertrud)

Working In the Kinks (post 5x12 Nygmobblepot)

Uplift (Post 5x12 nygmobblepot, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

And They Were Cellmates (During the ten years AU, Nygmobblepot, angst)

Remembrance (Nygmobblepot, angst)

And You See Me, Somebody New (Post 5x12 nygmobblepot, mayor!Oswald)

When The Penny Drops (post 5x12 nygmobblepot, angst)

What A Headache (Nygmobblepot, mayor!Oswin)

Guten Abend, Gut’ Nacht (Nygmobblepot)

What You Told Me To Do (Gotham Interview With The Vampire AU, nygmobblepot)

A Better Son (Gotham Detroit: Become Human Au, android!Oswald)

Aw, nuts! (Gotham, nygmobblepot)

Better Than Expected (Nygmobblepot, pregnant!Oswin)

Oh, So Quiet (Gotham, nygmobblepot, teenage!Martin)

Every Night (Nygmobblepot)

Toddling Towards Greatness (Young!Elijah x young!Gertrud, baby!Oswald)

Batman (Burton-schumacherverse):

I Loaf You (Riddlebird Domestic fluff)

In the Meantime Let Me Tell You That I Love You (Riddlebird mild angst/fluff)

You Really Thought I’d Leave? ( Riddlebird hurt/comfort, angst, trans!Oswald, coming out)

Cramps (Riddlebird fluff, trans!Oswald)

Fever (Riddlebird Sick fic fluff)

Syncope (Riddlebird hurt/comfort, fluff)

Smitten for a kitten part 1. (Riddlebird Jealous!Ed)

Smitten for a kitten part 2. (Riddlebird Jealous!Ed, lonely!Oswald)

Smitten for a kitten part 3. (Riddlebird Jealous! Ed, lonely!Oswald)

Smitten for a Kitten Part 4. FINAL (Riddlebird, jealous!Ed, lonely!insecure!Oswald)

Old Abram (Riddlebird angst, major character death)

Wiegenlied (short riddlebird fluff)

Kinderszenen (riddlebird hurt/comfort)

Four’s a Crowd (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

Four’s a Crowd continuation (riddlebird, Trans!Oswald)

Four’s a Crowd Part 3 (Riddlebird, trans!Oswald)

Not the Words of One Who Kneels (riddlebird angst, hurt/comfort, major character death)

Cough Syrup (riddlebird fluff)

A Bit of a Jam 2.0 (riddlebird, hurt/comfort)

Gut Rot (riddlebird hurt/comfort, embarrassed!Oswald)

With Drooping Wings Ye Cupids Come (Riddlebird, Victorian AU, angst, Doctor!Ed, Patient!Oswald)

Felicia No Capicia (riddlebird, Ace!Ed)

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden (Riddlebird hurt/comfort, trans!Oswald)

Tickled Pink Penguin (riddlebird fluff)

One of These Mornin's, You're Gonna Rise Up Singin' (Victorian AU, hurt/comfort, Doctor!Ed, Patient!Oswald)

Cry Baby (riddlebird, hurt/comfort, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

La Petite Énigme (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Ed)

Don’t They Know It’s the End of the World (riddlebird, hurt/comfort, trans!pregnant!Ed)

Friday Afternoon (riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort, trans!Ed)

The Flood is Nigh (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

For the Good Times (riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort)

You Are My Destiny (riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort)

The Nightingale (riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort, Trans!pregnant!Ed)

Living in a Material World (Riddlebird fluff)

From Lemons to Lemonade (riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort)

Disturbing the Suburban Routine (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

Disturbing the Suburban Routine Continuation (riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

Lazy Lark (riddlebird fluff)

The Tide, I Declare, Does Carry Upon It the Scent of My Lover’s Perfume (riddlebird pirate au, merman!Oswald)

As the World Falls Down (Riddlebird, hurt/comfort)

Too Good to Be True part 1 (Riddlebird)

Too Good to Be True part 2 (Riddlebird)

Too Good to Be True part 3 FINAL (riddlebird)

A Little Bliss (riddlebird fluff, deaf!Oswald)

One Way or Another (Riddlebird)

I’ve Looked at Clouds from Both Sides Now (riddlebird bodyswap fic)

Nothing Guaranteed (riddlebird, angst, trans!Oswald)

Le Veau D'or (Pre-the events of Batman Returns, fix it fic?, vengeful!Penguin)

Puffy (riddlebird, hurt/comfort, trans!pregnant!Ed)

Kiss-Curl (riddlebird au, Hairdresser!Ed)

Flamingoes Have Nineteen (riddlebird hurt/comfort)

The Best Things In Life Come In Two’s part 1 (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Ed, yearning!Oswald)

The Best Things In Life Come In Two’s part 2 (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Ed, yearning!oswald)

The Best Things in Life Come in Two’s part 3 (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!ed)

The Entropy of Atrophy (riddlebird)

Dead Weight (Riddlebird, angst, vengeful!Oswald)

Words Don’t Come Easy (riddlebird, trans!Edward)

Somnolent Cygne (riddlebird au, Angel!Oswald, demon!Ed)

For the Love of All Things Purple (Joker x Penguin, lonely!Oswald)

A Weighty Subject (Riddlebird, insecure!Oswald)

Love is Draining (riddlebird au, vampire!Oswald)

Dead of Night (riddlebird, angst, trans!Oswald)

Shivers (Riddlebird sick fic)

In the Still of the Night (teenage!riddlebird au)

Ask Not For Whom the Duck Quacks (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Ed)

Synced (riddlebird, trans!Oswald, trans!Ed)

One of Us, One of Us (angst, toddler!Oswald, toddler!Ed)

Saddled (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

Nothing’s Too Good For My Baby (Riddlebird)

Unmentionable (genderbent!Riddlebird)

Flippers Are Forever (riddlebird, hurt/comfort)

Tomorrow (older!riddlebird, major character death)

Petit Oiseau (riddlebird fluff)

Black as Pitch and White as Snow (riddlebird au, mayor!Oswald, ballet dancer!Ed)

Four and a Half (riddlebird, vampire!Oswald)

Ghost Story (riddlebird au, ghost!Oswald)

Penguins Go Moo (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

A Little Less (genderbent!riddlebird)

Foam at the Mouth and Fall Over Backwards (riddlebird angst, trans!pregnant!Ed)

When Chickens Rule Foxes (riddlebird, Victorian!au, vampire!Oswald)

Clown Lung (Joker x Penguin, jealous!Oswald)

Glow (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

I Don’t Wanna Play House (riddlebird, agere, little!Ed)

Paw Prints (riddlebird fluff)

Elasticity (Riddlebird)

Starlit (riddlebird au, actor!Ed, director!Oswald)

A Festive Delivery (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

A Much Awaited Evening (riddlebird, Victorian au, Patient!Oswald, Doctor!Ed)

Together?? (riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort)

Last Christmas (riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort)

Merry for the First Time (teenage!riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort)

Not Fair (riddlebird, fem!Oswald, angst)

Please, Go All the Way Chapter 1 (riddlebird, fem!pregnant!Oswald)

Please, Go All the Way Chapter 2 (riddlebird, fem!pregnant!Oswald)

Please, Go All the Way Chapter 3 (riddlebird, fem!pregnant!Oswald)

Please, Go All the Way Chapter 4 (riddlebird, fem!pregnant!Oswald)

Please, Go All the Way Chapter 5 (riddlebird, fem!pregnant!Oswald)

Please, Go All the Way Chapter 6 (riddlebird, fem!pregnant!Oswald)

Please, Go All the Way Chapter 7 FINAL (riddlebird, fem!pregnant!Oswald)

In Paradisum (riddlebird, Victorian au, doctor!ed, patient!oswald, hurt/comfort)

Love is a Sinking Feeling (riddlebird, angst)

A Virulent Arrangement (Riddlebird fantasy au, fairy!Oswald, wizard!Ed)

On the Wings of a Snow White Dove (50s au, southern!riddlebird, pastor!Oswald)

That Would Suffice to Make a Formidable Monster Chapter 1 (Sci-Fi Horror au, riddlebird, sea monster/alien!Oswald)

That Would Suffice to Make a Formidable Monster Chapter 2 (Sci-Fi Horror au, riddlebird, sea monster/alien!Oswald)

That Would Suffice to Make a Formidable Monster Chapter 3 (Sci-Fi Horror au, riddlebird, sea monster/alien!Oswald)

That Would Suffice to Make a Formidable Monster Chapter 4 (Sci-Fi Horror au, riddlebird, sea monster/alien!Oswald)

That Would Suffice to Make a Formidable Monster Chapter 5 (Sci-Fi Horror au, riddlebird, sea monster/alien!Oswald)

That Would Suffice to Make a Formidable Monster Chapter 6 (Sci-Fi Horror au, riddlebird, sea monster/alien!Oswald)

That Would Suffice to Make a Formidable Monster Chapter 7 (Sci-Fi Horror au, riddlebird, sea monster/alien!Oswald)

That Would Suffice to Make a Formidable Monster Chapter 8 (Sci-Fi Horror au, riddlebird, sea monster/alien!Oswald)

That Would Suffice to Make a Formidable Monster Chapter 9 FINAL (Sci-Fi Horror au, riddlebird, sea monster/alien!Oswald)

Ladies and Gentleman, We’re Floating In Space Chapter 1 (riddlebird, the Truman Show AU, Ace!Ed)

Ladies and Gentleman, We’re Floating In Space Chapter 2 (riddlebird, the Truman Show AU, Ace!Ed)

Rock-A-Bye Edward (riddlebird)

Eye of the Beholder (riddlebird, blind!Ed, angst, hurt/comfort)

Metal Allergy (riddlebird, fem!Oswald)

Dirty Pillows (genderbent!riddlebird)

Humbly At Your Door (BatCat, Riddlebird, trans!Bruce, trans!Oswald)

Dolly Lills (Riddlebird)

Gourmand (riddlebird, chef!Ed, food critic!Oswald)

Welcome to the Dollhouse (teenage!genderbent!riddlebird)

The Same Bloody Thing (trans!Bruce, batcat)

Don’t Care For It (riddlebird, ace!Oswald)

Far From Over (riddlebird)

Out Very Soon (Riddlebird, Pregnant!Edith)

Plenty of Fish in the Sea (riddlebird, catboy!Oswald)

Or Live On Mars And Have It Your Way Part 1 (Burton-Schumacherverse au, riddlebird, superhero!Ed)

Or Live On Mars And Have It Your Way Part 2 FINAL (Burton-Schumacherverse au, riddlebird, superhero!Ed)

I Felt Like I Knew You So I Just Wanted to Hug You (2020 Robotnik x Burtonverse Penguin)

Round and Round in Circles Until One of Us Drops Dead (Burton-Schumacherverse riddlebird, trans!Oswald)

Baby, They Ain’t Got a Clue (Burton-schumacherverse Batcat, Riddlebird, fake dating, jealous!Ed)

Burton-Schumacherverse + Gotham (TV):

“Excuse me, um, I love you.” (Gotham (TV) Ed x Returns Oswald)

Split Personality part 1 (Burton-schumacherverse/Gotham crossover)

Split Personality part 2 (Burton-schumacherverse/Gotham crossover)

Split Personality part 3 (Burton-schumacherverse/Gotham crossover)

Where Evil Grows (Forever Ed x Gotham (TV) Oswald)

Birds of a Feather (Burtonverse/Gotham (tv), toddler!Oswald, young!Gertrud)

The Batman (2022) stuff:

Oh Boy, What a Prize (2022 Riddlebird)

The Puzzler Invisible (2022 Riddlebird, Invisible man au)

Flinch (2022 Riddlebird)

Batman the Animated Series:

The Calm After (Riddlebird, hurt/comfort)

A Few Hundred (Riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort)

Stretched Thin (Riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

Dozing Daisy (hattercrow fluff)

The Morning After (Hattercrow)

Rude and Restless (Hattercrow, trans!Jonathan)

Sorry (Hattercrow, angst, hurt/comfort? , trans!pregnant!Jervis)

A Cuddly Compromise (Hattercrow)

A Touch of Softness (Hattercrow sickfic)

Thou Wouldst Hate Me in the Morning (Hattercrow, werewolf!Jonathan)

Don’t Blame the Projectile (Riddlebird)

Needy (Hattercrow, trans!pregnant!Jervis)

Smothered With Care (Hattercrow x Riddlebird, polycule fluff)

Care Bear (Hattercrow)

Labour of Love (older!Hattercrow, angst)

Tied Up (BtAS Hattercrow, trans!pregnant!Jervis)

Gotham New Orleans:

Muscle and Blood

And You Know You’re Going To Fall (Hattercrow)

Prying Eyes (Hattercrow)

Such a Clatter (Hattercrow)

Bat in the Warren (Hattercrow)

Life With Jervis (Hattercrow, domestic fluff, some angst)

Baby, It’s Loud Outside (Riddlebird)

Better For Me, Better For You (Hattercrow)

Staring at the Abyss (Dork Squad, Hattercrow)

Like A King (Riddlebird)

The Talk (Gotham New Orleans, kid!Oswald)

Unsupervised Cuteness (Gotham New Orleans, toddler!Oswald)

Happy Accident (Gotham New Orleans, baby!Oswald)

Only Broken On The Outside (Gotham New Orleans, toddler!Oswald)

The Batman (2004):

Divinity Defiled (Riddlebird, angel!Ed, demon!Oswald)

Grateful (Riddlebird)

My Loopy Love (riddlebird, sick fic)

Do You Hear That? (riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

Only A Raccoon (Riddlebird, werewolf!Oswald)

Chronic (riddlebird, angst, hurt comfort)

Spitting Image (Riddlebird)

The Harder They Fall (Riddlebird, angst)

Hidden Heat (riddlebird au, demon!Oswald, angel!Ed)

Bouncing Bundle of Surprise (Riddlebird, trans!pregnant!Oswald)

3,000 Teeth Are Better Than A Brain (merman!riddlebird)

Keep It To Yourself (riddlebird)

Pen Pals (cluemaster x riddler)

Back On The Sunny Side (Cluemaster x Riddler)

Auk-Aukward (2004 Batman, Riddlebird)

Peeping Birdies (Riddlebird)

Leech (genderbent!Riddlebird)

Batman (1966):

A While Longer (Riddlebird)

Quite the Buster (riddlebird)

The Grating Call of a Hungry Fledgling (riddlebird)

Batman (non-specific media):

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables (Harlivy, Riddlebird, Hattercrow)

Harley Quinn (2019):

Perte (Riddlebird)

Personal Growth (Riddlebird)

Clueless (riddlebird, angst, hurt/comfort, trans!pregnant!Oswald, buff!riddler)

Tightly Bound (Riddlebird, buff!riddler)

Non-existent (Riddlebird, Hattercrow, trans!Ed, trans!Jonathan)

If I Was A Flower Growing Wild And Free All I'd Want Is You To Be My Sweet Honey Bee Chapter 1 (Harlivy, temporary Ivy x Kiteman, pregnant!Ivy)

If I Was A Flower Growing Wild And Free All I'd Want Is You To Be My Sweet Honey Bee Chapter 2 (Harlivy, temporary Ivy x Kiteman, pregnant!Ivy)

If I Was A Flower Growing Wild And Free All I'd Want Is You To Be My Sweet Honey Bee Chapter 3 (Harlivy, temporary Ivy x Kiteman, pregnant!Ivy)

If I Was A Flower Growing Wild And Free All I'd Want Is You To Be My Sweet Honey Bee Chapter 4 (Harlivy, pregnant!Ivy)

If I Was A Flower Growing Wild And Free All I'd Want Is You To Be My Sweet Honey Bee Chapter 5 (Harley Quinn show, Harlivy, pregnant!Ivy)

If I Was A Flower Growing Wild And Free All I'd Want Is You To Be My Sweet Honey Bee Chapter 6 FINAL (Harley Quinn show, Harlivy, riddlebird)

Merlin (2008):

Through Infirmity (Merthur sickfic)

Ash VS Evil Dead/The Evil Dead 1-3:

Away

You Ain’t Nothing But A Hound Dog

Better Dreams (Ash vs Evil Dead)

Star Trek: The Next Generation :

New Tricks (Daforge)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Broadway):

Two Boys On A Bench (Broadway CatCF, Mike x Augustus)

Harvester (1996):

How they spend Valentine’s Day with you part 1

How they spend Valentine’s Day with you part 2

#oswald cobblepot #gotham #edward nygma #nygmobblepot #the penguin #riddlebird #the riddler #harvester 1996 #daforge #geordi la forge #data tng #merthur #hattercrow #jervis tetch #jonathan crane #ash vs evil dead

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