#leo if he realised his self worth

[helpallthenamesaretaken]

dark!leo valdez you wouldve loved "whos afraid of little old me?"

[lunadileo]

August Notes 💌

🌹 Leo Venus woman is very loyal but also has a very high sense of self-worth. When she commits to a partner, she is to be spoiled and showered with love, praise, adoration and devotion. She will not waste her time and invest in a relationship if it’s not reciprocated. She knows that she’s a real gem and her partner has to realise it too. She will not chase or beg him, she will remember her worth and move on. In case of a positive relationship, a Leo Venus woman will encourage her man to pursue his desires and will support him all the way till he succeeds. She has a refined taste and huge love for expensive things so she needs to be spoiled with them on a regular basis. It’s one of the ways she loves to express herself and finds enjoyment when other people are admiring her looks.

🌹 Virgo Sun Taurus Moon woman has an impeccable taste when it comes to managing her social media accounts. Everything looks neat and well put together. She takes care of every detail: fonts, high quality aesthetic photos, nice emojis and captions that fit perfectly. She also has a balanced way of posting content, you will never see an overload of posts or stories.

🌹 Women with Libra in 11tH don’t feel comfortable choosing one side between their friends. They don’t want to offend any of them and always try to bring balance into friendships. They usually compromise when choosing a restaurant or a place to go to together, which movie they will watch at girls’ night and try not to comment with criticism or negativity about them.

🌹 Aries Venus women are super magnetic and confident in themselves. They really don’t care what anybody thinks and always express themselves boldly. They have a charismatic personality and look absolutely stunning in red. Both men and women cannot take their eyes off them.

[lovesickheize]

𔘓 sex with the boyz based on tarot . . .

hyung line version ( sangyeon jacob younghoon hyunjae juyeon )

lee sangyeon

dominant. yeah.

this is not about the romantic, lovey-dovey stuff, it's hardcore sex and plenty of it but in a sex-for-the-sake-of-it sense

promising future that goes on all levels: love, sex, emotions, mentality, spirituality

is probably into mutual masturbation

whatever inhibitions and lack of confidence will disappear. into body worship and praising (giving)

consider hot, pleasurable sex and laughter after it. then, again... and again... passion overdose

sheer raw lust that takes over

into threesomes or sex w more people, doesn't care abt their gender.

experimentalist, exhibitionist & voyeur

honest, harmonious, fulfilling sexual relationships. trust-based sex.

the type of guy to make you fall for him even if you are in a serious relationship & won't give up on you until he gets into your pants and eventually dates you

kinda workaholic so sex is his way to relax

jacob bae

good energy flows into his sexual relationships, making them passionate and loving.

good sexual relationships that are based on trust

prefers the comfort of his home. likes cozy sex

might also be the one who is giving the most in the sexual relationship, but would like to receive a little bit more

likes risky stuff, but hesitates a lot.

skillful and playful

the way he thinks affects his performance. if he's not feeling confident or something's bothering him in his non-sexual life, sex won't be satisfying for neither part.

sometimes he needs a change, maybe wants to try smth new but he's afraid to ask his s/o if they are ok with it. he's shy and won't start a conversation about such matters himself.

kim younghoon

the type to boost your confidence & praise you for the smallest things.

really loyal, is searching for his true soulmate

might have some kind of sex related trauma

his sex life is blocked by illusions and fears, which may manifest as social anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, low self-worth and feelings of repression. 

is afraid to receive what he gives, feels like he's not worth it.

falls in love easily, so one night stands are a no for him after realising he catches feelings after just one night.

jealous sex. lets his frustration out w sex.

crazy passion (like the good leo sun he is), great stamina. can go for a l o t of rounds.

likes to discuss things before trying them in the sheets. he has a lot of not so ordinary fantasies but is too shy to express them.

can be rlly kinky but also rlly vanilla. his sex wants and needs are not static and might even change during the thing.

lee hyunjae

gives and receives the best sexual experiences.

strong sexual desires and spirit of adventure.

experimentalist to the core.

likes sex in unexpected places. he'd take his s/o against the kitchen table or in the pool. there's nothing holding him back.

really confident about himself and what he can do.

would approach the person he is interested in without hesitation or shame. he makes sure there's raw sexual energy that the said person would not be able to resist. BODY LANGUAGE.

angelic-looking guy who is devil in flesh - in a good way.

sex is the most important part of a relationship according to him

extremely powerful sexual compatibility based on deep emotional connection, similar sexual interests and desires as well as physical attraction.

fiery passion, a lot of romance and kisses. speed and sex go together here.

a lot of flirting ( w his s/o ) even if he is in a relationship.

sexual depths with high levels of intimacy and ecstasy. is probably monogamous.

rejection makes him mad. really mad.

he wants his s/o to be open to discuss abt new fantasies and desires, to spice up things. encourages his s/o to always talk abt things that are bothering them in the sheets. needs both sides to be fully satisfied.

lee juyeon

a really happy sexual partner. he loves every type of sex with his s/o.

a strong and powerful partner that likes to dominate.

he always makes sure things are okay before continuing whatever he is doing or trying something new.

he might find it difficult to forgive his s/o if they do something he doesn't like. that can either mean that he needs to talk about new kinks before trying them or that he likes to let out his frustration or jealousy through sex.

friends to lovers through sex is his type of thing.

into threesomes, but needs to know he isn't gonna lose his s/o bcz of it. kinda monogamous but not 100%

would experiment w a same sex partner

voyeur.

tries to make his partner comfortable with new kinks and fantasies and removes shame and guilt about their sexuality, masters communication w them.

eric is back! my baby eric is back<333 so today's song rec is apocalypse by cigarettes after sex cuz it reminds me of him!

-lita.

[clarissaweasley-10]

Is it just me or has someone else also felt that Leo should have stayed single at the end of the series?

Like throughout his life he had always been on his own(all thanks to Hera.)The boy ran away six times in 15-16 years,till he finally found the place where he belonged but even there he always felt left out.His two "best friends" were always in their own world and wouldn't even notice if Leo starts moonwalking on Festus.Leo was the only single one among the seven and he often thought of it as a bad thing.He thought that being single meant that he wasn't good enough or simply"cool enough".This made him super self conscious as well as insecure....But he didn't realise that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single and that his worth isn't defined by a bunch of girls who thinks that he is/isn't hot.Personally l think this would have been massive character development with Leo finally accepting himself and understanding his worth.He accepts that he is different from Jason and Percy,and there is nothing wrong with it at all.It doesn't matter cause 'all da ladies luv Leo'.

Anyways it's just my personal opinion and feel free to disagree

[nesting-dreams]

Donnie and Raphael have some red flags currently, but the good part is that they’re willing to try to overcome these. The series got cancelled so they can’t exactly deal with these issues. Leo had red flags, seems to grow out of his getting people into danger and trouble to try and be the hero complex and get tons of attention in the future cuz he lacks self worth. He killed that in the movie when he realises the worst case scenario of him having that attitude so he has zero red flags now. He used to ditch people sometimes but he’s sacrificing himself in the movie. He was just as avoidance of feelings and talking as Donnie, but he was the class clown rather than stoic. But now after meeting Casey and dealing with the krang, he appears softer and more honest. He takes other peoples issues into account. We saw a bit of that in the series, but he’d right after pull a joke. Donnie can be very stubborn, dude can take days to figure himself out after a really bad argument if you walked off instead of staying right there (stay right there) and he needs other people to actually straighten his thoughts out or he progresses zero, unless the person he is arguing with asks him why is he doing that and tells him he’s upsetting them, he’ll keep things going to an annoying degree, kind of taking his issues out on the argument, but is willing to apologise and fix the problem once he gets over himself. Is a pride thing. Avoidance of feelings unless THE TALK really NEEDS to happen where Donnie is literally about to lose someone in his life. He will never bring something up unless you do it first. Upside is: he never ditches somebody. so leaving is pretty much all on the other person. He never tells them to leave no matter how annoyed he gets. I see people writing fics on him daring a friend or partner to leave and he’s never done that in canon. He’s very loyal. Honestly he was more healthy than Leo used to be. At least he’d get you talking about the issue even if he annoys you with his pride into doing it. Leo would shut people out completely.

Raphael has trouble being alone to where he has a mental breakdown. Hasn’t dealt with this issue properly. I feel like for these two they would have gotten over their issues if we had more seasons if the movie for Leo is anything to go by. Mikey was always perfect.

[dragonsmanisthebest]

Character Study of Leo

Just a random analysis, but I think people in the rottmnt fandom are taking the phrase "it's not about me" said by Leo, as a way for him to say he has no self worth or is unimportant, when that's really not the case. Now I understand it for angst purposes, and since it's Leo who can be a little on the dumb side he could easily think it to be that.

But here's the thing in cannon, the reason why it's said, is because before that Leo was so arrogant that he quite litterally did not care if he put others in danger, as in, he didn't care if they could die until they got hurt. In other franchises This has lead to the corruption of a leader into becoming a villain, because he doesn't care about others lives. That's how extreme his mindset almost became, which is why his character development in the film and in the future timeline is so important, because saying it's not about him, isn't implying that he doesn't need to care about himself, it's that he needed to learn to get off his high horse and realise that he was putting people, his family no less, in danger and basically leading them to their deaths. In the future I'm guessing he learned this by so many people dying on his watch due to his arrogance. Leo may have been traumatised by everything else, but I highly doubt that the line "it's not about me" was what caused it to worsen.

Anyway, thats the end.

[daedelweiss]

Oof, imagine if LM!Leo's family managed to hear that. Like really, someone's self-worth isn't based on how useful you can be, it's knowing how much you are capable of and the confidence of being just you.

So, to be able to find the rest of his brothers despite knowing how dangerous it is, is already a big feat. It makes me want to give him a hug so bad.

(P.S, I just realised that verbal affirmation is a thing lol. Just didn't realize it until reading it in a fic haha.)

oh his fam doesn't know anything about his insecurities for a good long while and he'll bottle it up until the movie arc. the way he sees himself will carry over the story when finding his brothers is not the main focus anymore.

from his separation anxiety, his dissociation, and how he has terrible OCD losing his fam. all of those are just little peeks on how he sees himself: a thieving, selfish little kid running around, using pity to get get his way. he lowkey thinks his trauma is fake and he doesn't need help because "his brothers have it worse. why not help them first?"

it will be so bad when he attempts to sacrifice himself over and over again just to make sure his family stays alive and he doesn't realize how self-destructive his thought process is.

tl;dr yes pls give my boi hugs. he will feel like he doesn't deserve them but let him know he does 🥺💔

[blackfire-fanfiction]

that's so tragic, in a way

leon's been through so much with them, even if they've never realised, and while he's still content with the fam from the other dimension, these guys are still such an important part of his life and it must such that he isn't that in return anymore.

(do they ever pretend to be one another anyways? for the sake of normalcy?)

If it's not tragic is it really one of my aus? But yeah, Leon notices that he doesn't really belong anymore. And he wants to belong. Badly.

They would still pretend to be each other after the reveal sometimes. Because of habit, and also because they don't know where they stand in their families anymore and they're scared that they'll be hated. The Leos self worth issues are ever present in this au

[skeleton-in-a-hoodie]

In DDMG, I think Raph has hinged a lot of his self-worth on protecting his brothers. Like Leo's the one who gets them out of trouble, but Raph is the one covers everyone's back whilst they get to safety or will cause a distraction so the threat is fully focused on him and not his brothers. He thinks of himself of being the angry fighter and not much else.

This means that in situations where he can't protect them, he feels intense guilt, like he's failed them. And that's not limited to times he was present - he feels immense guilt for what happened to Leo and Mikey when the four were separated, even though there was literally nothing Raph could have done.

Chances are this all also comes with a side order of Raph being afraid of them not needing him, because if they don't need him then maybe they'll realise he's just an angry asshole and making it harder for them to find a home and they'll grow to hate him for it. And then Raph will be on his own because if even his brothers don't want him then who else will? But then he feels awful for wanting them to need him because doesn't that mean he wants his brothers to be in harms way? Which he then tries to make up for by protecting them and the cycle starts again.

All in all, this is really bad for Raph and no adult in his life has really sat down and tried to pick apart a) why Raph is angry, or b) how to help him without blaming him for being angry. Like this kid has legitimate grievances that a lot of people have brushed off as Raph being a problem child, so said problems never get so much as talked about.

And then you introduce DDMG Splinter into the mix. There are so many threats that Raph can't protect his brothers from, but Splinter can. This really freaks Raph out, because if Splinter takes over the role of protector, then that means all Raph had left to give is being the angry one. Mikey is already really close to Splinter by the time the others find out about him, and Leo warms up relatively quick to Splinter as well, which just makes Raph's panic worse.

Raph does not want his brothers to be in danger, but he needs to needed, and he's petrified that Splinter will take his place. And then there's another part of him that's scared Splinter will leave them because then how will Raph keep everyone safe from all the monsters they now know exist?

It's a really confusing situation for an eleven year old to be in, even without all the trauma Raph already has, or his temper.

As a result, in the next major fic after The Pied Piper of New York, I think Raph's temper will just get worse and worse, because he's becoming more and more afraid of losing his family and having no idea how to deal with it.

[purpleturtle9000]

Is there any specific scene or line from what's posted so far that you wanna spotlight?

Ooh yeah. There's a scene from the beginning of chapter four of if i don't make it back-

“Keep Casey safe. Please. I know I’m the last person you want to do a favour for, but he’s all I have left.” 

“He’s better than you deserve.” 

“You think I didn’t figure that out a long time ago?” Leonardo stands, trying to ignore the pain in his knees and the ache in his side, and turns toward him. “I need to talk to Leo.” 

“No way.” 

“You can’t stop me.” It’s not a threat, just a fact. For a second, Leonardo’s not sure which way Donnie thinks he meant it. 

Then Donnie lets out a breath and shakes his head. “Let me ask.” 

Leonardo trying to find any way possible to keep his kid safe. Not just because of how much he loves Casey, or because he thinks Casey deserves everything Leonardo doesn't (although both are true). But also because he tied his self-worth to his ability to protect his family, and now Casey's the only one left, after Leonardo failed all the others.

It's such an important thing to ask of Donnie, after the biggest emotional blowout of he entire fic. Donnie doesn't really 'get' the severity of what Leonardo's asking him, because he just doesn't have the context of the last sixteen years of fatherhood. But since that's the only thing Leonardo has to say, Donnie realises that it is important, and he's reluctant to say no outright due to that. Leonardo is not his twin, or even his friend atm, but part of him still sees his Leo there, and he could never intentionally hurt his Leo.

Donnie is also trying to find a way to make the impending conversation easier on his twin. He'd like to be able to keep it from happening altogether, but he's been aware from the beginning that, as Leonardo says, Leonardo's thet strongest turtle here and Donnie wouldn't be able to stop him. Under different circumstances, Donnie probably would have called his bluff - never in a million years could any version of Leo hurt any version of Donnie, and they both know it - but the way Leonardo treated Leo has him just uncertain enough that he goes along with it.

There's not a lot going on in this scene, but it's one of my favourite little bits in that chapter anyway. Also I kinda love that the majority of Donnie's and Leonardo's interactions, at that point, consisted of Donnie being die-hard loyal to his twin. It's what teen Leo deserves.

[booksandwords]

Amalgamated by Becca Seymour

Series: Coming Home #2 Read time: 1 Day Rating: 2/5 Stars

The Quote: Truth be told, I didn’t give a shit about the lost time, the hurt. To amalgamate and have the time to figure out us as a couple was worth the growing up I’d needed to do. — Leo

Warnings: Nothing triggering. But my review does explain two potential issues for some readers.

I like Leo and Zak's story it has some similarities to the other book in the Coming Home series (duology?) in that there is self-sacrifice and miscommunication in play. It has a simple, easy-to-read and low angst plot. It is about Leo understanding the words of others, the actions of Zak and their coming to terms with their mutual long-held attraction. I love that Leo was a dumb twenty-something who did a stupid thing. Zak is a complicated man. Some people will like him some will not it is dependent on how you view his actions. He broke Leo in a way but knew he was watching and played up to it. He did not groom or act on his attraction to underage Leo. I have a spoiler discussion here in my original review that looks at a specific quote.

Leo and Zak's age gap is something to get over when you realise the ages in play. It is an eight-year age gap, with the book set when Leo is 27. This is his first time home in five years. Leo admitted his own feelings for Zak when he was fifteen and tried to make a play for him at maybe twenty-two (if not earlier). I don't hate it but I don't love it either it just feels like it's tiptoeing an uncomfortably fine line. I like that Leo's family is supportive of the relationship and wants it to happen, has always known and wanted it to happen. It may go some way to making their relationship more acceptable by on-the-fence readers.

Some quotes and comments.

I struck hard and fast as I dug my fingers in and made her squeal like a girl, which I promptly told her. “Get off. And girls are kick-arse, so I can squeal all I damn well want.” — I really with we saw more of Jenny. She's a total badass, she is Leo's older sister and the Mayor's wife. (Leo and Jenny)

There is such a pure Australianness to the description of the town. No one said excitement couldn’t be trumped by fear. And between the two emotions, I was still struggling to figure out exactly how to approach the man who’d stolen my heart so many years ago. — Their first time seeing each other after so long is perfect. But life this line there is a simple anxiety to it. (Leo)

Awkwardness had charged into the room and ran around laughing its arse off at me. — This is a total mood and I can't not include it. (Leo)

Michelle is lovely. She is Leo's stepmother but more or less the only mother he's only ever known.

Breathing hard out of my nose, I took control of my emotions. I didn’t even have to ask why he’d done it. He was Zak. It’s what Zak always did. He always took care of me. Always. The knowledge had my heart punching against my ribcage. — This says as much about Zak as anything else we see. Leo and Zak are both caregivers with actions meaning more than words to both of them. (Leo)

I'm not mad about this book's ending but I'm disappointed in it. Let me say the difference between the two Coming Home books Realigned and Amalgamated is in the ending. Realigned's protagonists Shaun and Mitch never get to full sexy times Leo and Zak do. Shaun and Mitch we leave them right before they begin, Leo and Zak in their afterglow. That is where it falls over if I'm honest. I don't think either of them needed it, I like the focus on the emotional and the choice that Shaun and Leo respectively need to make. It's implied heavily that both couples were going there and showing it means the story loses something for me.

As an explanation for the low rating, 2⭐ part of it is tied to the ending. I'm hiding that part of it under a spoiler on Goodreads but it's not all that major really and largely a personal preference. The other problem is the lack of character development. I know this is a novella so necessarily short. But it needed to be longer or skip the sex for the sake of just a little more character development. Leo's British life is ignored more or less. We don't know what he does it is a problem. I can see where the potential was in this but it just feels poorly executed.

I want to add a picture for those like me who like beautiful machinery. Leo destroyed Zak's pride and joy on his way out of the country... "Once my eyes adjusted, they jumped wide open as they landed on the machine off to the right. Still sleek, black, and sexy as hell stood his 1965 Royal Enfield. The biggest relief that sent shame thrumming through me was that it was intact. “How did you…?”" This is my best guess at the bike that Zak owns. She really is a beautiful thing. Leo as much as I adore you, your 22-year-old ass was a freaking moron.

[tutantmeenageneetleteetle]

Siblings things that sting

It's very cute and very nice to think that 4 brothers living in a house would always get along... but sadly for them that's not how it works (lucky for us though, since I have content to create out of their misery)

Leo showers too long, but insists on showering first, which is often a source of conflict

Leo will say he's Splinters favorite son to annoy Raph and Mikey, while Donnie already assumed he's not Splinters favorite

Leo is protective over the remote and will strategically place it somewhere his brothers wont instantly see so he can easily access it

Raph pushes buttons to see how far he can go, usually does it with Leo

When arguing, Raph will get really close to his brothers and tries to force them with his body

Donnie calls his brothers names like dumb*ss or shellbrain

Donnie will give his brothers the silent treatment when he's angry with them

When he was younger, Donnie one time plugged Raphs nose in his sleep as an experiment to see if he would a) open his mouth or b) choke, Raph woke up and wasn't very happy about it

Mikey has no sense of privacy and will go through his brothers stuff

Leo does have a sense of privacy, but as the oldest, Leo gets overly-involved in his brothers lives anyways

Mikey and Raph eat their brothers leftovers that they were saving

Mikey and Donnie don't change the empty toilet paper roll

They used to all fight over the beanbag chair but now Raph usually sits on it

As kids they had a rule that if Splinter brought something back to the lair in their color, they had an automatic claim to it (for ex. a red race car toy would go to Raphael)

Bonus:

Splinter does actually have a favourite son (studies¹ show that around 70% of dads and 74% of moms acknowledged favoring one child) and it is Leonardo, though Splinter would never tell his sons this. It is also not a matter of loving Leo more then the others, it is just that Leo and Splinter get along better personality-wise and Leo is responsible and easy to take care off. Splinter loves all of his sons to death and realises how different they all are and how each of those differences make them great individuals.

Leo doesn't actually think he's Splinters favorite son, because he believes Splinter would never pick a favorite out of his brothers. If he knew he was Splinters actual favorite, he wouldn't bully his brothers with it, because it'd be a sensitive topic and he wouldn't hurt his brothers feelings on purpose.

Raph feels as if Leo is better then him and achieved the goals he had set for himself before he can (for ex. that Leo became the leader) and therefore it really annoys Raph when Leo says he's the favorite son because he feels like it's true.

Mikey feels like he would be Splinters favorite son because Mikey prides himself on making friends and being likeable overall, that's kind of his thing.

Donnie assumes he's not Splinters favorite son because he's not as social as Leo and Mikey, nor as strong as Raph, and while his talent lies with technology and science, that is nothing his father particularly takes interest in. He knows Splinter loves him and that's what matters.

Shebloski, B., Conger, K. J., & Widaman, K. F. (2005). Reciprocal links among differential parenting, perceived partiality, and self-worth: a three-wave longitudinal study. Journal of Family Psychology, 19(4), 633-642. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.19.4.633

[milkytheholy1]

Apocalyptic Love: Chapter 30: Going on my own

Tmnt masterlist. Ultimate masterlist. AL Series links

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clint had taken you all back to his, quote-on-quote, 'lair' to come up with an actual plan to take down the Purple Dragons. As you followed along like the obedient little dog that you were, you began to question your purpose within the team. Lately you had just felt like a tag-along, someone the close-knitted group were stuck with.

You knew you had potential, you weren't just some random civilian caught up in something they shouldn't have, but no one around you seemed to acknowledge this; well, maybe Casey. Before missions, there would always be a swift look of concern from Raph, a nervous smile from Mikey and a "You don't have to do this" from Leo. It began to tire you, wear down on your shoulders, maybe you couldn't keep up with the others?

No, no that's not true. You've fought those dumb Footbots one-on-one plenty of times, you even outran Tigerclaw and stayed alive to tell the tale. Just because you didn't have years of ninja training didn't mean you couldn't fight like the big boys, besides, Casey was here and you knew for a fact he couldn't use a sai like Raph but the guy sure knew how to throw a mean punch.

Still, you couldn't shrug off this feeling of self-worth and the need to prove yourself to others. You just needed a chance to show them what you could really do.

"-and this is all the crap I've taken from the PD, most of it is useless, can't sell it for rations or anything; so I just store it in these boxes, never to be used." Clint finished, shaking your head you awoke back to the real world. Too far into your own mind to realise you had been stood in Robin Hood's lair, talking about his backstory and what you're assuming he's stolen from the Purple Dragons.

"And how many do you have?" Leo asked, picking up parts of flat metal from the boxes, inspecting it before putting it back amongst the others. Clint shrugged his shoulders, "A couple of 'em, they hide 'em in food deliveries, supply stuff."

"Do you know how many of these things they get a week?" Leo kept the questions rolling. As the group moved on just a few steps further, you stayed behind to inspect the mysterious metal pieces for yourself. Now you were no blacksmith, no inventor, but your dad did have a fascination with this sorta stuff. He used to make some of the coolest little things you had ever seen, he'd bend, welt, and whack metal into all sorts of shapes to make something beautiful.

With what little you knew from the years of watching him, you began to see a running pattern with what boxes were there; all full to the brim with nuts, bolts, screws, sheet metal and even just scarps.

"-I'm still not certain, sometimes I'll swoop by and there won't be any, other days their whole warehouse is full of 'em. They're building something."

"Wow, that PHD didn't go to waste, huh Doc?" Raph mused, in his usual stance of arms crossed over his chest and a sassy lean. Clint growled under his breath, "I'm a scientist, not a mechanic. I don't build this stuff, I do tests, I make notes-"

"Oooh, so you're the borin' doc then." Raph concluded, fist-bumping a giggling Mikey. Clint stepped forwards to Raph, poking a finger against his chest, "Listen here pal, just because you're some ninja turtle thing doesn't mean you can boss me around. For God's sake, I spent years in education, years of my life spent working for the sake of my craft. You have no reason to degrade my work or me."

Raph slapped his finger away from him in a lazy swipe, "Now you listen here, pal. We already had a smart guy on the team and we don't need another one, ya don't even come close to his leagues."

"If he's so great then where is he now?" Clint sassed, hands braced on his hips. Steam came from Raph's head, his skin quickly turning a similar colour to his mask, "He's dead, those bastard Foot killed him. And if you think for one sleazy second that you can come in here and replace hi-"

"Raphael!" Leo called out, it felt like you'd never heard his full name before with the way Leo ordered it out. Stern eyes boring into his brother's head, "Don't bring Donnie into this, we're here to help not start pointless fights. Got it?"

"Fine by me," Raph gruffed out, slamming his shoulder against Clint's as he stomped by; the movement sending Clint back a few steps. You and Mikey stood still, the air still tense, "Wow," you breathed out, Mikey aggressively nodding beside you.

The room had fallen into an awkward silence, this allowed you to ask some questions of your own, "So this metal? Have you done any tests on it at all, y'know cause your a science guy and all that?"

Clint shook his head, face pinched into a pout, "Of course I did tests on it, all I could find was some basic elements found in most commonly used metals. Though, there did seem to be a certain amount of strength."

"Strength?"

"Hmm, like resistance to bullets, dents, it could hold a large capacity of weights. Whoever wants this metal must be planning on doing something with strength and durability in mind."

"Have you found anything else besides just metal?"

"I didn't grab them but I do remember seeing some computer chips and some tempered motherboards and the occasional circuit board."

"Hmm, do you think the Foot have the power and knowledge to build something...robotical?"

"(Y/N), where are you going with this?" Leo butted in, but you quickly shushed him, you were on a role. Clint looked stunned for a moment but soon caught on, great minds really did think alike, "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"What're you suggesting, man? Is it a waffle iron? Ugh, I haven't had waffles in years! Do you still think they taste the same?" Mikey moaned out, already drooling from the corner of his mouth. You gave him an idle laugh, turning back to give the metal a longing stare.

This was it, this was your chance to prove yourself, show you were capable of the same things the brothers did. You just needed to do a little more research of your own, contact a few people, sneak into a few places; but you knew you could do it. With a small smile, you addressed the others in the room, "I gotta go somewhere, I'll be back soon."

Leo shook his head, eyes wide, "What do you mean you're going somewhere? You're not going anywhere, we stay as a team."

"Look, I'll be a few days, maybe a week tops. I just gotta do something." You turned towards the exit, marching to the doors with a plan already forming in your mind. Leo's three-fingered hand outstretched to yours, grabbing you by the wrist, "I said you're not going anywhere. If you have an idea, tell us."

"Leo, I gotta do this on my own."

"Why? We've already lost one member of our family and I'm afraid if you leave us we'll lose another."

"Don't you think I'm capable of holding my own? That I can survive out there?"

"Wha- of course I do! But it doesn't mean I don't think you'll get hurt, (Y/N), I care about y-"

"Listen, Leo, I survived two years without you guys and I'll survive a week."

"Just think about this, think about what you're doing?"

"I am thinking, Leo, and this is the right decision."

"I don't think it is."

You stared into the deep blues of his eyes, wavering with worry and guilt. You looked away, scared you'd fall into his embrace at the drop of a hat. With a shuddery breath, you pulled your arm from his grip, cradling your wrist in an attempt to keep his warmth, "It's not your decision to make."

"I'm the leader, you can't leave." Leo mumbled out to you, your back facing him as you walked into the moonlight. You didn't turn back only hearing him go on more, "As your leader, I command you to stay."

That's when you turned back, faced him with a glare and a snarl, "You're not my leader and you never were." With that you waltzed into the night air, leaving the turtle behind to pursue your own interests. You'd see him soon, you'd see all of them soon and you couldn't wait for them to get a load of the new you.

[bettycanavosio]

you know i feel like vito and henry are both kinda getting tired of The Life but in different ways, like...vito's clearly been having thoughts of quitting for a long time but he doesn't feel like he has any other options so he just soldiers on. henry on the other hand will never be anything but a gangster and he knows it, but the whole "next thirty years breaking your ass" speech (especially given he mentions eddie–i think he's picturing luca) gives me the vibe that he's tired of being pushed around by other people and coming to the realization that twenty years of taking shit from clemente wasn't worth it. i think in leo's kitchen especially (i know that's an optional scene oops) with both "those aren't the people who pay me" (showing he no longer cares about the rules) and the fact he ends up sparing leo for vito's sake, he starts realizing what his actual priorities are and that he really doesn't give a shit about anything but himself and his two friends. so his solution is to start trying to make his own money, and when vito's dissatisfaction becomes obvious, henry thinks roping him into his plan will somehow make things better quite possibly because he doesn't realize why vito's tired of the life or thinks he'll get over it once he's got some cash in his pocket–like he misinterprets it as "all this hard work hasn't paid off how i expected" and not "i don't like who this lifestyle has turned me into/the cost hasn't been worth the material success" (especially given he expresses those doubts before the house fire or frankie cutting him off, and right after marty comes up...) god this is so long i'm sorry

never apologise i’d literally read a whole novel if you sent one. however i think i somehow managed to write a fuck ton about nothing in response oops

anyway i love this you’re so right. i do think the complete miscommunication between each other’s wants and perceptions of The Life is what ruins them and their friendship. i feel like henry has been forced so hard to have this mentality that money will solve everything that when he gradually breaks out of it, it’s so similar to trying to gasp for air not knowing you were ever underwater. he’s in this weird grey area between i want money and i want my friends whereas vito is in an area between i want my friends and i want to recognise myself again.

the terrible thing is that, whilst they have one desire in common, it’s the other desire that gnaws on the string that binds them. vito eventually just doesn’t seem to think anything can compensate for the loss of his family (both to death and estrangement), and so his friends become his strongest attachments. he thinks he can find himself in them. unfortunately, these same friends present the extrinsic want for money (e.g. c’mon, don’t be stupid, vito. twenty fucking grand in one afternoon) so he forces himself to think if it works so well for them it must work for me, but it doesn’t and he knows that, but he can’t be all let’s give up and do our own thing because that doesn’t feel like an option for him. it’s just easier to endure the life now. not to mention the selfish nature of leaving completely opposes vito’s altruism.

of course henry doesn’t give a fuck about being selfish (and after all those years, i don’t blame him). the only problem is that, like before, he blurs the lines between the things that actually make him happy. vito’s wants (friendship and self-discovery (?) for lack of a better term) are tied into each other, but money and friendship are things that are hard to bind. yet it’s the only thing henry knows. i honestly think henry could hand vito bags and bags of cash and he just wouldn’t understand why vito is still unsatisfied. henry’s very much i realised all i’ve ever wanted is my money and my friends, why isn’t this enough for you? why don’t our ends meet? while vito is like i don’t want your money. you don’t want your money. be honest.

but they don’t even get the time to have that full conversation after all the fragments we get that build to it, and henry doesn’t get the time to grow away from what holds him underwater because he fucking dies. just so much unfinished business.

anyway tl;dr have this quote about sisyphus

[theji]

Wu Gan: An analysis

I have a lot of sentiments towards this song. Just listening to the music and watching the dance choreography makes me crazy already but really, only when you look deeper into the lyrics can you truly understand and appreciate this song. I believe it’s important to DD too.

Disclaimer: The following analysis is based on my personal interpretation and sentiments, and should not be taken as facts. I’m not WYB, I wasn’t there when he wrote the song, I’m not acquainted with his team. I’m just a fan who reads Chinese, studied literature, enjoys reading and dissecting song lyrics, and has too much time on her hands to write a 2.5K words essay on a song (no, not really but Yizhan makes me do things).

Before we go into the analysis, let’s get some of the context behind the song. DD said in this backstage interview during Weibo Night that he had very little time to work on the song and he did it intermittently and concurrently while filming. He also received the music first before filling in the lyrics. It was very rushed. Wu Gan was released on 30 Dec 2019 and DD first performed it publicly during Hunan TV New Year’s countdown event. I’m not in the industry but I assume you’ll need at least 2 months to finalise the song, produce the song, record in the studio, work on the dance choreography, work on stage design, work with stylists on the outfit, rehearse for the NYE show, etc.

Considering the timeline (he started filming LOF on 16 Sep), I estimate the time he wrote the song to be around mid-Sep to Oct. Bearing in mind that GG and DD only truly gained massive popularity and shot to the top of the industry after CQL, which aired from June to August 2019, so the WYB who wrote the lyrics at that time would have been at the point where he was thrust into super stardom not too long ago. While he had already been in the industry for a few years, I would imagine things to be very different from his UNIQ days and before CQL – the amount of attention (both positive and negative), the workload, responsibilities, attitudes and treatment of those around him, etc. For sure there would be some sort of reality check for him at that point, some form of new realisation, lots of learning, growing and adapting for him.

DD said in the same Weibo Night interview that Wu Gan reflects his own feelings. Through this song, he also hopes to inspire those in the same shoes as him to overcome difficulties and maintain a positive attitude. So by extension, one can also assume Wu Gan talks about the challenges that he has faced personally and how he decided to deal with them – by adopting a mindset shift. I read Wu Gan as a letter from DD to himself; but at the same time; it’s also a message to his fans and haters out there.

Most of the lyrics are pretty self explanatory so I won’t go line by line. Will just highlight the more important bits.

Many people think of WYB as a cold and aloof person who doesn’t really ‘care’ about fans but of course DD cares. Obviously, he enjoys the attention, praises and adoration from others (he’s a Leo baby) but he has also seen the reality of things in the entertainment industry. The attitudes of fans can switch at a snap of the finger. Like when he lost fans after it was announced that he would be acting in a BL drama. I suppose he lost fans too when UNIQ’s activities were halted and they became inactive. And perhaps to a smaller degree, this part could also refer to the attitudes of the industry stakeholders who only see the $$$. Like once an artiste is deemed to not be valuable or popular anymore, they might lose favour. So rather than letting the words and actions of these fickle-minded people affect him, why not just focus on himself and his work.

被表扬被喜欢当然值得期待 Being praised and liked is certainly worth looking forward to

得到很多以后 你说不爱又离开 After gaining a lot, you said the love is gone and then you left

别做任别人操控情绪的木偶 Don't be a puppet that allows others to manipulate your emotions

对负面评价保持无感 不理不睬 Remain indifferent to negative reviews and ignore them

You think DD doesn’t know what people are saying about him on the internet? The insults, the death wishes, comments on his looks, his lack of qualifications, about his hosting abilities, his singing etc. The list goes on. He knows and it hurts, but he has chosen to adopt indifference as a defence mechanism.

破碎的刺痛的 Shattered, Piercing

被攻击被嘲笑挑衅 Being attacked, mocked and provoked

无感是将伤害最好的回击 Indifference is the best way to fight back

无感赐我勇敢的心不畏惧 yeah Indifference bestowed upon me a brave heart so I have no fear yeah

Here, I can see DD’s pure heart. It’s the words of someone who has experienced setbacks and harsh treatment by others – criticisms, mockery, aggression – at such a young age but instead of holding it against them or wallowing in self-pity, the boy still thinks the world is kind. He still sees the positive side of things even when shrouded in negativity. It’s not that he’s delusional or trying to avoid things; he knows it, he sees it all but he CHOSE to look at the bright side of things and to focus on the things that matter. Which is the love that he has around him – from family, colleagues, peers, loved ones, (rational) fans.

没有事情过不去天塌了还有爱在 There is nothing one cannot get through. Even if the sky has collapsed, love still remains

只有过不去的情绪才会把你紧紧地绑起来 The only thing that keeps you tied tightly are the emotions that you cannot get past

太阳下山了夜里也有灯打开 The sun goes down but there is still light in the dark

你看这世界不坏 You see, the world isn’t all that bad

The first 2 lines are my fav in this whole song. I think it's so real, so human, so matter-of-fact. Here, I see a small moment of vulnerability. DD is telling us that he is just a regular human being like the rest of us. He’s not perfect but he’s not a bad person. He’s just trying to do his job, doing something he loves. But the reactions of the public can be extreme. How can people form quick judgement based on just one facet of him? Loving or hating on him just by looking on the surface?

我没有你想像的好 I’m not as good as you think

也没有他想像的坏 Neither am I as bad as he thinks

只看到部分的我就很喜欢 Adoring me when you only saw a part of me

把我惯坏 又来狠狠一踩 Spoilt me rotten then stomped on me ruthlessly

DD knows very well that in fan culture, the love and attention can be fleeting. And things can be volatile in the entertainment industry. It’s not that he doesn’t care or appreciate fans or his fame but he knows the reality of it. And he is prepared for the day when he has to go off the stage.

爱是一瞬间的情感 Love is a fleeting emotion

舞台的灯不就开了又关 The lights on stage go on and off

每天都有人在上下台 There are people getting up and down the stage everyday

就保持无感 Just remain indifferent

In the Weibo interview, DD singled out this second line in the song. Maybe that’s his deepest sentiments in this whole learning process. Even after he has 'made it', he's still getting all this hate and it has even increased in volume and intensity. It's a realisation. Like no matter what you do, how well you do it, there will always be people who have things to say, who hate you just because...Likewise where there is hate, there will be love. So why fixate on all these? To move ahead, he needs to shed his past reservations and uncertainties. Adopt a brand new attitude – indifference. He needs to toughen up so that those who love him won’t have to feel hurt on his behalf. This show of love and support, both from his loved ones and fans – powers him on.

woo～

woo～

就保持无感 Just remain indifferent

不计较成败 Don’t fuss over success or failure

woo~

Woo~

就保持无感 Just remain indifferent

才有幸福感 You’ll feel happiness that way

你是流量超红ppt上全部都是你 You are top traffic and super popular; You are all over the PPT

你红的没作品骂你的声音更变本加厉 You’re popular yet you have no works, and the criticisms have intensified

I'm running running running in a circle

困住的自己不能把目标变清晰 This trapped self is unable to see the goals clearly

如何前行 How to move ahead

丢掉过去 Put the past behind

爱我的人才不会痛 love wakes me

So that those who love me won’t feel hurt; Love wakes me.

Prior to coming to this realization, DD probably felt lost. He couldn’t see a clear way foward (hence going in circles) and he doesn’t understand why some people ‘attack’ him. What did he do? Remember, he was just 22 back then, just exploded into fame after CQL, things were arguably on a different scale compared to previously. He’s unsure of his place in the industry, like I don’t think he has a clear idea of where he wants his career to go. Up till this point, he was probably mainly just grabbing opportunities wherever. Vs the DD of today, where he obviously has a goal and is working towards the ‘actor’ direction as his main portfolio.

Note: It took me a while to figure out the PPT part. I thought he meant online discussion boards/forums but PPT here indeed refers to powerpoint presentations. He’s just painting a picture of the behind the scenes work in the industry – referencing the powerpoint presentations that industry executives often prepare when they are pitching a new project, new ambassadorship etc to investors. Often times when selling an idea in the initial stage, these executives will include images of artiste whom they hope to invite onboard the project and these will usually be the big names, the traffic stars, in order to inspire confidence in front of the big bosses. You know, just like in a marketing proposal, the ‘grand plans’.

These two parts are mainly elaborations of his new-found attitude and way of dealing with things. Like don’t fear challenges and negative sentiments from others, don’t be affected by what others think or say, just do what I enjoy, focus on myself, work towards my goals.

逆境之路看到未来 The road to adversity shows the future

摔倒以后站得起来 Standing up again after falling down

如果每天活得左顾右盼 If I live my days having to look left and right

还能谈什么生命的精彩 What splendour of life is there to talk about

逆境之路看到未来 The road to adversity shows the future

摔倒以后站得起来 Standing up again after falling down

不要轻易被情绪打败 Don’t be easily defeated by emotions

就保持无感 Just remain indifferent

woo～

woo～

就保持无感 Just remain indifferent

不计较成败 Don’t fuss over success or failure

woo~

woo~

就保持无感 Just remain indifferent

I picture this part like a soliloquy, like DD wondering out loud to himself, questioning his current state but the conclusion is like what the rest of the song says. He sees his goal, a clearer direction via his new attitude. He’s choosing to be free (of the shackles and emotions holding him back) and to not conform. Which is why after all these experiences and lessons, DD has learnt to not pander to the whims and fancies of those around him, and to not let outsiders dictate how he does things, what things he does.

才有幸福感 You’ll feel happiness that way

Tell me where you at now

Tell me where you at now

Finding the way

Follow the light that you see

Finding the way

Follow the light that you see

自由自在 Free and comfortable

I’ve seen several different translations of the word Wu Gan. Some say ‘unfeeling’ or ‘no sense’, but I chose ‘Indifference’. I see Wu Gan as a reaction, a coping mechanism. Not an attitude. It's not that he doesn't care. And it’s not that he’s not affected by the negativity or that it’s not hurtful. The criticisms and harsh attitudes or rumours clearly hurt him but more like he's choosing to react and treat the negative sentiments in a certain way, and maintain a positive outlook. So DD is really not as unfeeling or uncaring as some people think.

Wu Gan also reflects his knowledge and understanding of the industry. Fame and popularity is transient. Fans come and go. DD has said in an interview that fans are just people who accompany him on a part of his journey. I think it’s an incredibly mature thought coming from someone who’s merely in his early 20s. To DD, fans are not unimportant; he's thankful and appreciative of all these attention, affection and work opportunities but he also knows these can go away one day. Fans are fans, and he is himself (does this make sense?) He is working to better himself, to do the things he enjoys, to leave behind something that he can be proud of. He's not working to please anyone and he is not letting this fame and popularity get to his head, because he knows it’s fleeting. What matters at the end of the day, what is the measure of an artiste’s worth is really the works they leave behind. So instead of focusing on the bad stuff, just ignore them and focus on putting his all into his job, delivering good work, to be a better version of himself. ‘Repay’ fans by delivering good works that fans can enjoy. Don’t fixate on popularity or rankings, don’t fight or compete with others. This is something that both GGDD have repeatedly mentioned – to focus on oneself and to be our better selves.

And so, DD does things because he likes it, things that he’s passionate about. Like the surfing show, skateboarding show, SDOC. Not to garner fans or become more popular. He doesn't care about these. This is also seen in the filming projects he has chosen to take on in 2020 onwards, which tend towards projects that showcase his range, focusing on acting skills, project positive messaging etc. Which is also why it is unlikely we will ever see him in idol drama type projects again. This is also why he doesn't do fan service or go the 'popular' route. That is why he dyes his hair green and cuts his hair super short cos he feels like it. That is why he expresses himself through make-up, clothing, accessories that can be unconventional.

Ok I think I’ll end here now cos it’s getting rambly and not as cohesive as I would like this analysis to be. Told you I have a lot of sentiments about this song. I hope this gives you a better appreciation of Wu Gan. Feel free to share your thoughts with me.

[themafia-terrapins]

Asking for a friend

How would the turtles react to a partner that has a massive sweet tooth? Always craving or eating sugary things or candy?

(It's me, I'm the friend) *happily gorging self on marshmallow creme

leo:

he doesn't usually eat them but when he does, he really has to watch himself.

leo has and will go through an entire pack of gummy bears without realising

and then has to pay a dreadful visit to the dentist.

"want some?" you ask, holding the bag up and he physically restrains himself.

"no...." his voice is strained, wondering if a filling is worth the satisfaction from eating the candy. no it isn't.

"actually i'd love some"

the next day, you're holding his hand while he's at the dentist :)

raph:

he doesn't really care for sweets and candy, he's more of a chocolate fan.

but even then, he eats in moderation since he's a huge gym junkie.

but on his cheat days, you'll catch him gorging on little snacks and treats.

he'll happily buy you whatever your little heart desires, go and splurge on yourself babe. you deserve it.

donnie:

sneaky conniving little thief. beware of your stash, he's got a huge sweet tooth and will sniff out.

"donnie did you eat my chocolate?" you ask entering his room.

he quickly turns around, his cheeks like a chipmunk as he sheepishly hides a suspicious looking wrapper behind his back.

"whaa??.... fine. i did it, it was me. but they were marshmallow covered, how could i not?? i'm a weak man" he looks down ashamed, clutching the wrapper in his hands.

but then somehow tries to spin it on you.

"if you would've told me it was yours i would've never touched it. so..... technically if you really think about it, you're partly to blame. you never suggested that it belonged to you-" "donnie!" "fine, i take blame. i'm sorry"

feels bad so makes up for 10 packets of your desired chocolate.

mikey:

"i think it's rather gross of you..... that you don't share with me. how very dare you?"

god this turtle has an entire cupboard dedicated to sweets

pick your poison, bae; he's got candy, gummies, chocolates, liquorice, lollipops, bubblegum, bon bons, everything you could possibly need, he's already got.

and he keeps a tight lock on it because of his brothers. seriously, especially donnie.

he will only allow you a key to his room of junk, so whenever you're feeling peckish just go in and have a blast.