day 5 progress (first two, technically taken today because i didnt take pics before i went to bed yesterday) + day 6 (last two) !!
as predicted, i WILL need an extra day of work to finish crocheting this, but she is SO big and SO gorgeous i am really proud of myself. she's 49 inches big right now (measuring from the center to one of the peaks). im measuring in inches because thats what the pattern does. so for anyone else wondering what the FUCK 49 inches are in cm: approx 124.50cm. thats how big she is right now. yay!!! cant wait to keep crocheting tomorrow. HOPEFULLY i won't need to extend it another extra day, but i wouldn't be surprised if i did have to.
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Lessons My Favorite Characters Taught Me
Cardan: how others treat you has no bearing on your worth as a person. you did the best you could with the soil you were planted in.
Jude: you are still worthy of love even if you had to lose integral parts of yourself to survive
Rhys: “he is not what love looks like,” is what Rhys whispered into my subconscious while reading ACOMAF.
Feyre: see every part of yourself and love all of it, every weakness and every fear. that is where your true strength lives.
Elain: you decide what’s good for you, no matter if everyone expects something else entirely. similarly, the situation isn’t what defines you, it’s what you make out of it that does.
Azriel: your perceived weaknesses can be your strengths. you are more than the circumstances life gave you.
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Assorted Thoughts about the Greater Boston Season 4 finale
I'd assumed that Leon would 'move on' at the end of Season 5, the end of the podcast as a whole. But now we're going to have a whole season of the podcast without him. It's strange to imagine. There's never been a Greater Boston podcast without Leon Stamatis. There's never been a city of Red Line without Leon Stamatis. We began Season 1 confronting the gap that Leon left behind. We learned that he wasn't quite as gone as we might have thought, but there was still the loss, the grief, the consequences of his death. In an interesting narrative symmetry, at the beginning of Season 5 we'll have to confront him being more fully, completely gone. But I think we'll continue to see the ways in which his life and afterlife have rippled outwards.
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Immediately after Nica said Leon had brought people together "like a family", Louisa exclaimed that she needed to call Michael. I can't help wondering if it was Nica's comment that triggered that thought for Louisa. I'm emotional about Michael being family for Leon, Michael being family for Louisa, Michael being someone who was brought into Louisa's life by Leon…
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There were two moments of Nica and Dimitri sitting with Gemma in the middle of them holding the crystal ball. First, in the back of Lucia's car, when Nica reached out to touch the ball and Dimitri took her hand instead. Second, on the Ferris wheel as they prepared to say goodbye to Leon. Leon was in the middle between his two siblings - he is what divides them and he is what unites them. They held hands over him, finding awkward togetherness in the presence of their loss, stopping each from succumbing to that loss. Leon was in the middle between his two siblings, but he also wasn't; it was Gemma occupying that space for him.
On a related note, I can't help but wonder whether the Stamatis siblings had habitual positions when they'd sit in the back of a car together as children. I think that's a fairly common sibling thing, and it seems likely that it would appeal to the order-loving Leon. I can't decide if it makes me more emotional to imagine that they usually sat with Leon in the middle like that, or to imagine how they sat on that ferris wheel wasn't their typical childhood order.
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The lack of narration and the high number of monologues from a range of characters this episode meant that sometimes I wasn't initially sure whether a scene was an interview snippet from a real person or a monologue from a character. I think there's something significant in that blurring of reality and fiction, in real stories of loss mixed with the fictional. Those interviewees are a part of this story, or this story is a part of our world too.
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I loved Michael's mantra being spoken by the group, with each person taking one word. For Michael, that sequence of numbers was a way of asserting his own agency in spite of circumstances and his ideas about his nature. It was a way of saying 'my choices matter, even if I can't change the outcome'. And this moment showed how that idea can be upheld within through community and togetherness.
Michael spoke the word "Eight". And perhaps he wanted other people to take over, trusting that the people around him would complete his mantra, believing that they'd understand what he needed in that moment. Or perhaps he was intending to speak the mantra by himself until Louisa interrupted to support him. Either way there's a uniquely powerful kind of choice made against an indifferent world - the choice for people to stand against that world together. It's a contrast with Michael's often self-isolating tendencies for that mantra to become a shared thing.
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