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#let me know if I need to tag anything for y’all
harrywavycurly · 3 days
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What You Deserve Part 10: It Counts
Masterlist: Here
CW: None
Tag List: @littlered0000 @saramelaniemoon @ali-r3n @sapphire4082 @sweetmoonlove0214 @eddies-girl-22 @darknesseddiem @peaches-roses-sins @blckburd @comeonatmebruh @daisy-munson @cultish-corner @mrsjellymunson @aol19 @micheledawn1975 @2000babies @marshmallowgem @ang3lc @angelina16torres-blog @transparentenemypenguin @alilstressyandlotdepressy @josephquinnsfreckles
A/N: I know y’all will enjoy this one and I’m very happy with the progress you and Eddie are making in this whole situation you two have got going on✨
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“Did you have a good time tonight?” “Of course…I always have a good time with you..but you know you don’t always have to bring me flowers right?” “Well that’s the thing…I figured you’d eventually mention which ones you like the best and I’d just get you those but…you say every single bouquet I get you is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen so…I can’t stop until I find your favorite…” “you could just ask me what my favorite flower is?” “Where’s the fun in that?” “Well don’t let me ruin your fun then…but these…these are top three for sure.” “Really? Okay…tulips are in the top three…I’ll remember that.” “So…uhm do you want to come…uh inside?” “Right now?” “Uh yeah? Only if you want? I don’t-” “I’m sorry I didn’t mean for it to sound like I don’t want to…I just have an early morning-” “it’s okay…I get it…uhm can..can I ask you something?” “Of course…what’s on your mind sweetheart?” “Do you find me attractive?” “Excuse me?” “Like…do you…think I’m cute?” “Cute?” “Yes?…” “No…cute is for jr high school crushes…you’re beautiful.” “Oh..uhm thank..you.” “I’m sorry I clearly don’t make that known to you enough…I’ll work on that.” “You don’t have to uh tell me I’m like…beautiful all the time it’s..okay but uhm so…if you think I’m…pretty or uh whatever…how come you…haven’t tried…anything?” “Tried anything?….oh…ohhhh right…well I just didn’t know that was something you wanted from me?” “I just assumed it was part of the…arrangement?” “And if it wasn’t? Would that…change things for you?” “No no it wouldn’t change anything I was just wondering if that’s something…uh…you wanted…out of this?” “Sweetheart you should know me well enough by now to at least know out of all of this I just want to make you happy…you just have to help me learn how.” “But would…that…kind of stuff…make you happy too?” “Uh..yes.” “Why’d you hesitate?…you hesitated with the yes.” “I didn’t want to seem too eager but yes…I wouldn’t mind that kind of stuff being added to our…relationship but please understand I do not want you to do anything that will make you feel uncountable or that you’ll regret okay?” “Okay…I understand.” “Good.” “We can take it slow…like you hold my hand a lot now so maybe we can uhm…like kiss? Sometimes? Maybe?” “Are you trying to ask me to kiss you?” “Yes…does it count as our first kiss if I had to ask for it?” “I’ll let you decide after we kiss how does that sound?” “Sounds-” “Sorry you just kept biting your lip and-” “it counts…that totally counts…holy shit.” “It was good then?” “Shut up you know it was good you did that hand thing.” “Hand thing?” “Yeah you grabbed my whole face with your big…nice..warm man hands and kissed me…I need to go take a shower…can I get one more? For scientific purposes?” “Well yeah…anything for science.” “God how do you just…kiss people like that?…you’re so not fucking real…” “goodnight sweetheart…I had a great time tonight.” “Goodnight Eddie…text me when you get home please.” “I will.” “See you tomorrow?” “Sure I’ll stop by the Video store and bring you some lunch.” “Perfect.” “You want another one don’t you?” “No…maybe?…yes..” “last one then you’re going inside and getting ready for bed.” “Wait till I tell Steven how good of a kisser you are.” “Goodnight baby…” “goodnight Eddie.”
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mopopshop · 2 days
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can you write emily engstler x girly reader hehehehhee
Emily Engstler X Girly!Reader
yes ma’am i can🫡
i love making hcs for my wifey so please feel free to send in more requests i’m tryna feed the emily fandom as much as i can 🙏🏾🙏🏾😛
will let you do like a full face of makeup on her for fun 
when you guys move in together it’s literally this tiktok
polar opposite gfs 😩 
is actually confused on how you wear nails like it flabbergasts her that you can even function with long nails (and the funny thing is they’re not even long, it could be like a medium sized almond shaped set and she finds it insane that you’re even able to walk with them) 
it’s so cliche but your whole apartment is mixtures of pink and black like you guys are on opposite sides of the spectrum 
she loves buying you things in your fav color 
you’re such a hello kitty girl and she’ll buy you anything that has to do with her 
she loves video games like cod and fortnite and will let you like sit next to her or in her lap and play your switch while she’s on her pc or something 
you do that tiktok trend where you switch clothes and emily’s are like these huge cargos and a graphic tee on you and she has your super tight and small crop top and shorts
even though ur girly asf she’s SASSY sassy like it’s crazy 
obsessed with all of your fits like jaw dropping, drooling, bowing on the floor, type of obsessed
always wants you on her lap, doesn’t care if there’s free seats she will pull you down on her lap
she loves tagging along with you when you go shopping
the type of gf to be like “send me your sephora cart” and buy the whole thing for you 😍
loves to cook for you, clean for you, like she is the ultimate girlfriend she loves to pamper and spoil you (and you obviously return the favor even though she says you don’t need to)
biggest baby when she has away games and can’t take you, she’ll call you in the middle of the night whining about how much she misses your nails playing in her hair to sleep
loves kissing you just to get a taste of your flavored lip oil but refuses to just put it on her own lips first 
“Babe- Stoppp! I just put some on”
“I really don’t care, it tastes so good” she smirks going back in for a kiss but you swerve her attempt.
“If you like it so much then just put some on” directing the tube of lip oil at her
“Nahh I’m good” she laughs, stealing one more kiss and quickly running off before you can do anything 
you guys do one of those “GRWM my gf does my voiceover” trends and it’s so mf funny cause she doesn’t know that much about makeup compared to you
  loves laying between your thighs 
is never afraid of a good ol romantic gesture, she’ll do them and go all out
let’s you try hairstyles on her (bcs y’all that hair is LONG) and she’ll even fall asleep while you do them 
  teaches you how to play cod 
compliments galore on everything, makeup, hair, outfits, shoes shes down bad 
you guys will have cute little self care days together after stressful weeks. you’ll do her skincare and then you guys will make a cute little meal together and finish it off with matching pjs and a movie night (actually just melted at the thought of this yall 😔💔) 
lastly even though she’s very masculine that doesn’t take away from her womanhood and you’ve never treated her like a “boyfriend” she’s your gorgeous girlfriend and that’s that period 
did i eat or nah 😓🤞🏾 send in more requests bookies <333
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gentlebeard · 1 month
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the sea is restorative.
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princess-starscourge · 4 months
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You know I never got over Kaveh saying he didn’t have a right to interfere with/barge into his mom’s life (something along those lines) in his hangout event. That shit broke my heart. Like, that isn’t possible when you’re her fucking son 😭
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pussywiki · 2 years
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One line in particular that has stuck in my brain aside from the obvious: Prapai’s “please don’t joke with me” after asking Sky what he meant. It’s so desperate but it’s also kinda vulnerable?? Like he wants Sky so bad but there’s something off about this and he needs to pause and the last thing he wants is for this to be some joke. Because that’s mostly what he’s gotten from Sky up until this point: teasing, sarcasm, just a lot of pushback and testing Pai’s dedication to him. He can’t read Sky’s mind and know that he’s falling just as hard, he’s just hoping against hope and just fucking “please don’t let this be another test, please don’t tease me in this way, please don’t push me away if I act on this, please let me love you how you deserve to be loved, how I NEED to love you, please please please”
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deceitfuldevil · 1 year
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How funny would it be for me, an Ashkenazi Jew, to write a Priest! Matt Murdock X Nun! Reader smut?
I personally think it would be hysterical, amazing, and above all, blasphemous.
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damsxlette · 3 months
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ranting in the tags ⬇️
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autistichedgehogs · 1 year
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what’s your problem with irls? /genq
I’m schizophrenic. I’ve had this condition since I experienced (a very rapid) onset when I was 10. It took EVERYTHING from me. Every childlike dream of “when i grow up” was gone when I had to face the frightening reality of mental disability and battle my own mind by myself. The I/R/L community is mostly full of people without genuine psychosis using a label and terms that don’t belong to them. I was lucky and privileged to recover/stabilise to where I am, but I was terrified I wasn’t going to. Most of the people who claim to be psychotic over there will never have a fear of becoming a statistic from police violence or losing their job, friends, home, etc. from a very real and debilitating condition. The misinformation is rampant, terms like “reality checking” are thrown around, and reading a lot of it is downright insulting to me. I understand it’s mostly kids who are kinning and don’t realise what they’re doing, but I still don’t want to interact with them or them to interact with me. a community where it’s encouraged to interact with delusions in that way in my opinion is very dangerous when it leaks into online spaces for genuine psychotic people. /nm at your question btw 👍
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lavellander · 2 years
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a couple des doodles as i try to practice drawing different ages 🫠
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spookyboywhump · 2 years
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Hihi really sorry to have to ask this but could you tag Wendi’s name? Wend1g00n is derived from an extremely important and cannibalistic spirit in my culture the w3nd1g0 and it’s a bit jarring to read it as I’ve been taught that even in text it’s name calls it (it’s completely fine if not though !!)
Absolutely! I had heard about not saying it but I wasn’t sure if text was the same thing so thank you for letting me know, I think I’ll start tagging any posts mentioning him with Wendi but from now on I’ll also shorten the name in the post to that as well just to be safe.
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kuroosdarling · 2 years
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my new lil plushie has easily become my emotional support plushie and i’m v happy bout it lmao <3
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idnek83 · 2 years
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Sometimes I read something where a character is in dramatic/dangerous situation and think “hmm that’s probably not how a real person would react…”
But then I remember the time I hit some ice on a highway and lost control of my car going like 60kph, and rather than screaming or panicking I simply said, calmly and out loud despite being the only person in the car, “I’m going to crash” before hitting a concrete divider… and I realize that people really do react to stuff in weird ways and whatever the character is doing is probably realistic for someone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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theythemj · 2 years
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i had like two paragraphs written about this au and then i didn’t save it. i will cry
anyway!! here’s some more art of my mask-verse au!
i finally made a design i somewhat like for his suit, and i have Quinten Becks design too! i actually have him and peter be friends/found family in this au. it’s one of the things that actually inspired me to make the au in the first place. so, i will be ranting about Beck this time. (also, some details of this story isn’t 100% completed yet, so if something doesn’t make sense or is vague that’s why)
Quinten Beck (he prefers Beck) in my au isn’t like the comics or the movies at all. he can be a bit dramatic and has a large want of recognition for his work, but he isn’t as willing to kill people as the other two are. he works in a lab (similar to curt conners in tasm) and specializes more with genes and radiation. he gets into a major accident at work and mutates very painfully and obviously, and is eventually sent to the hospital. his work immediately fires him and buries the accident. he’s pissed about this of course, but it doesn’t compare to the rage he feels when he realizes that they stole his work and gave him absolutely no credit or anything for it because he’s now mutated. he escapes the hospital after he healed enough to function (and just in time, “SHEILD” was just sent to retrieve him)*
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he starts stealing lab equipment and robs banks for money to hide out and protect himself from the government, and then meets Parker!! they literally hate each other at first, but after Beck realizes that the government (and Norman) is after him, and that he’s literally a kid, he proposes a truce and helps him out. accidentally becoming a vigilante instead of the villain he was going to be :) he was calling himself Mysterio (again, he’s a dramatic dumbass and named himself that since his face and body is completely covered and no one knows who he is) but Parker beats him to it and dubs him “Fishbowl” because of his mask during one of their first fights. it sticks and he literally hates it so much, they get into a “fight” about it like twice a week. they become really close and eventually he admits that he cares about Parker. Parker teases him about caring and they fight again lol.
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they do not show each other their faces for so long, because even though they mostly trust each other, Beck refuses to since he doesn’t look human anymore. (even more inhuman then Parker, which he doesn’t believe) the first time Parker shows his face is after he’s kidnapped by Norman. it’s a very fucked up situation and Beck swears that he’s going to rip Norman apart piece by piece for hurting Parker. :(
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*SHEILD in this universe is basically what the accords are x100, the Raft but for anyone they see a threat (mostly mutated people because they see them as a threat and an asset)
anyway! i think that’s all for now! i still have so many more characters for this (doc ock and his wife, norman osborn, henry osborn, MJ, Gwen, ect!) so ill probably draw and write about them later on :) i hope you guys like it so far lol
@ruffboijuliaburnsides ! :) (here’s part two! if you ever want me to not tag you just let me know, i don’t want to annoy you lol)
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HEAVY TW FOR GUNS, GUN VIOLENCE, & SCHOOL SHOOTINGS/ MASS SHOOTINGS
I don't like posting stuff like this at ALL. or even mentioning or thinking abt my experience even tho I've mentioned it on my blog once yearrrrrs ago.
I've lived through a school shooting.
everytime the list gets posted and updated, when another school gets added to the list, I scroll through all the schools and I pass by my old high school's name.
today there was a mass shooting in my city. it made national news. like my school made national news back in 2014.
the mass shooting today was a couple blocks away from my new uni campus. a couple hours later another shooting took place at my current uni campus. and then another shooting down the street from my old church.
this hits close to home. EXTREMELY close to home. I've been anxious and shaking all day and am currently having an extreme ptsd episode.
because of what I've experienced, this is something I will struggle with for the rest of my life. dropping to the floor at any loud noise, scoping out places to hide and things to use as a weapon in the chance of going through another shooting, watching mine and the people I'm with's surroundings in case I have to sacrifice myself for them.
people shouldn't be scared to do normal things. people shouldnt be dying due to gun violence.
I shouldn't be scared that I'll have to experience another shooting.
I never want anyone to go through what I experienced ever.
I'm tired, frustrated, and scared.
I thought it would've stopped after sandy hook. it should have stopped after columbine.
keep your fucking thoughts and prayers to yourself because they obviously arent working. we need POLICY & CHANGE.
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impeakcharacterdesign · 6 months
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Just the Tip
— Thomas Hewitt x Fem!Reader —
MDNI!!!
Summary: It’s the 1960s and Luda Mae frowns upon premarital sex like any good Christian woman. You and Tommy are young, hot, and in love but the only problem is that Tommy was raised to wait until marriage and never lets you two go any further than kissing and some groping.
But the devil lives in the hot Texan sun and even God takes a break from the summer heat.
Notes: this is super short, just pure smut, self indulgent I’m obsessed with big boy Tommy 😭😭😭 i swear I’m working on part 2 of my sister Sinclair fic but Tommy has me in a choke hold and I needed an outlet.
No TW that I can think of other than bad smut and maybe ??? Coercion??? Cause Tommy wants to be a good boy and stop before y’all go too far but you flash him and then he’s absolutely 100% in. A bit of religious stuff, period typical sexism but vaguely. Let me know if I should add anything else and I’ll get right on it. Reader isn’t ever referred to using “she/her” pronouns but is described as having breasts and does have female genitalia so I tagged it fem reader to be safe
Enjoy!!!
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The early morning sun burned, chasing away what little cool air remained of the night before. While the barn shaded you from the unforgiving sun and hid you from disapproving eyes — or lecherous in the case of the older men of the family — it also trapped in the heat your two bodies gave off.
Thomas pressed his open mouth to your own, tongue swiping over your teeth eager to taste you. Your hands gripped his dark hair, ruining any half-effort attempt he had made earlier in the day to smooth down his unruly hair. He held you in his arms, body pressed tightly against him in an attempt to get as close as possible, his large frame hiding you even further from prying eyes than the shadowed corners of the old barn. The kiss was deep and hungry and served as a brief respite from Luda Maes ever watching eyes. While she had been fine with you living with the family before you and Tommy were married, she forbade you from sharing a room or being intimate, a rule she absolutely refused to budge on and one that Uncle Charlie took a strange glee in ribbing you about. But much like the Texan heat, the heated looks you gave each other were unavoidable and only grew hotter as the summer days went on. Luda Mae wanted to wait until the following spring to make your union official but at the rate the town was drying up, there wouldn't even be a priest to officiate the ceremony, much less any guest to attend. You highly doubted anyone outside of the family would want to witness your union anyway but still, Luda Mae didn't want the few who would to get wise and start counting months.
These stolen moments in the barn were as good as you could get — and by god were they good.
Tommy’s large hands groped at your breasts, pawing roughy at your nipples through the worn fabric of your old dress. It wasn’t long before you found yourself in the familiar position of being sprawled out on the barn floor, coarse hay a discomfort you had long learned to endure for the sake of pleasure.
You desperately thrust your sex up onto his growing bulge, whining when he groaned and pinned your hips with his own, preventing you from getting your desired stimulation. “Please Tommy,” you beg, lips separating, “We don’t have to do too much, I just wanna touch you.” You press open-mouthed kisses to his neck, pulling softly at the flesh with your teeth and tongue dragging across the bites to taste the salt on his skin. Your hands eagerly worked to untuck his faded green shirt and wrap around him, roaming the vast expanse of his back. His whole body shuddered in your arms, an attempt to hold back from eating you whole.
You know Thomas will put an end to your romp soon, the tense lines of his shoulders and the way he shuts his eyes a sign that he's reaching his limit, that if you two don't stop now you won't be able to stop — but that’s exactly what you want.
You're tired of holding back, of this constant edging you have to endure when you’re in his presence and it gets harder every day. Just yesterday afternoon, Uncle Charlie sprayed Tommy with the hose, telling him that he was filthy and needed to get out of those clothes before he went inside. Watching as he undressed by the back door so that you could put his clothes on the line to dry had nearly given you a heatstroke — and if Charlie’s leering grin was any clue, you swear he did it on purpose in an attempt to rile you up. You ran off before you sinned right there in the yard, the memory of Thomas's shirt clinging to his arms, his chest glistening with water had kept you company well into the night.
So before Tommy puts a stop to your roll in the hay you make your move. You lift your dress up past your breast and expose yourself to him, you can see his breath stutter in his chest, this was quickly becoming the farthest you two had ever gone.
“Just watch me, Tommy, watch me,” you say breathlessly.
And he does, he sits on his haunches like a predator, his engorged cock straining against his pants and imagining just a taste has your tongue darting out to wet your lips, his gaze fixated on the movement.
Sliding your panties off your legs, your fingers dip briefly into your wet hole, gathering slick to rub onto your clit. At the very first touch, you let out a shuddering breath and you watch as his shoulders heave.
You begin rubbing your clit at an intense pace already turned on from the earlier heavy petting, not once breaking eye contact with Thomas as you do. With each moan you muffle you see his eyes grow darker with desire breathing with his mouth open as though he could taste your scent in the air. When he finally lets his cock spring free you let out your loudest moan yet. It’s better than you ever thought. His cock is thick and heavy, drooping slightly under its own weight but still undeniably firm. It curves slightly and you imagine that if it was inside you it would scrape against your walls in a way you've never been able to do with just your fingers.
Thomas grips his cock firmly and gives it a few tugs, eyes alternating between hungrily drinking in the sight of your blissed-out expression and your dripping pussy. You buck your hips, desperate to press your clit against your fingers and Thomas jerks his length even faster, rubbing his tip and spreading his precum on his hand.
God, you wished it was you that was touching him.
Thomas settles onto his knees and after a brief hesitation begins to shuffle closer to you. The sight of him crawling to you on his knees with his dripping length in hand made your pussy clench around nothing and you let out a whimper. You remove your fingers from your clit, feeling the heat radiating from his cock as he settles on top of you, legs spreading around his waist, your hips slightly raised and resting on his thighs.
The tip hesitantly pressed against your clit and your moan fills the small space before you can suppress it. This was better than you were hoping and it felt as though you were pressing against the boundaries the lord had set for you. Tommy’s eyes find yours looking for reassurance, asking without words, “Do you think this is okay?”
You find enough comprehension in your lust-addled brain to come up with a coherent answer, “It should be fine, I think,” you stammer out, “I mean, it’s not like — not like you’re putting it in so, it should be fine.”
You’re not overly familiar with the word of God outside of Sunday services and Luda Mae’s lectures, both of which you were forced to attend and spent tuning out in favor of watching the sweat build on Tommy’s brow while he worked through the window.
You think that if God could feel the weight of Thomas like you did, feel the heat like you could, you think he’d forgive the sin of your act.
It seems like that was all the reassurance that Thomas needed because no sooner than the words fumbled their way out of your mouth that he begins to drag the length of his cock against your slit.
God, if this is what hell was supposed to be like, burning and full of decadence, then perhaps you didn’t mind being a sinner.
The way he ruts against you is euphoric. Heavy breaths escape you both and you can’t help the words that spill from your lips.
“God, Tommy, I wish you would put it inside me,” you whine out “‘wanna feel your fat cock in my pussy, wanna get filled,” you might as well be begging at this point, and Tommy's increases his pace to the point that you think he wants the same thing, that he’s desperate to thrust into you rather than against you and —
And then the tip of his cock catches on your entrance and you both stop breathing.
“Maybe — Maybe it doesn’t count.” You stammer out, “It didn’t go in and it’s just the tip, and I don’t think that the tip counts” With the slightest twitch of his hips the tip of his cock has slipped inside.
"It's - it's just the tip it's fine” Your words sound empty even to you but the reassurance is all Tommy needs to push forward and let the head of his cock slide into your welcoming heat
His soul nearly leaves his body when he feels your raw pussy on the head of his cock. He jerks his length furiously and your fingers begin to move against your clit again, eager to meet your high with Thomas.
But it’s not enough. He was right there, right there just one push of his hips he’d be right where you needed him
“Please Tommy” Canting your hips slightly so the tip begins to dig deeper into you, you begin to plead once more, “wanna feel you fill me up, wanna remember the shape of your cock please”
Thomas feels years of control break at your words and with one swing of his hips, he bottoms out instantly. You feel like you've been punched in the gut as the air rushes out of you and you let out a sound like a wounded animal. Tommy stays still deep inside you, shaking and heaving, absolutely drunk on the feeling of your soaked walls clenching vigorously around his length.
You feel full in a way you've never thought possible. His length throbs, its girth stretching you in a way that burns.
When he finally starts thrusting, you’re not ready. He’s like a man possessed, solely focused on the feel of you around him, your skin pressed against his, his blood pounding in his ears.
“Wait— Tommy, ah, slow — slow down, oh god!” You can’t hold back your moans and he can’t stop, both fully engrossed in the feel of each other with no control over your own lust. Thomas crashes his lips onto yours in a halfhearted attempt to keep down your moans, it’s sloppy, clashing teeth and drooling tongues, spit escaping your lips, unlike any you’ve shared before.
This is completely different from what you’ve imagined your first time together would be like. It’s not your wedding night, you're laying on the dirty barn floor and there’s absolutely nothing gentle about the way Tommy is ravaging you. Your pussy is sopping wet and with every thrust, it lets out an embarrassing squelch, your juices and Tommy’s pre-cum leak down your ass and make a sticky mess in his dark pubes.
He doesn’t stop even as your walls spasm around him, cumming on his cock and digging your nails into his strong back. He works you through your orgasm even as your mouth clumsily forms the words to beg for him to slow down or to give you a moment. It’s too much, the sensations completely overloading your brain and all you can do is hold on tightly to him, lost in the ecstasy of your release.
Thomas lets out a deep, guttural groan as he cums, hips stuttering as he bullies his fat cock into the deepest part of your sex, filling you to the brim and your vision goes white.
Boneless, neither one of you makes a move to separate from the other, so thoroughly satisfied and content to lie where you are holding each other, Thomas’s softening cocking slipping out of you and spilling his release onto the ground.
His weight on you is comforting, you gently press kisses to his face and bask in the way his heavy breaths caress your sweaty skin.
“I love you.” You whisper into the shell of his ear and he squeezes you against him, repeating the words in his garbled voice the best he could. Your love is just for the two of you, no one else had a place in your world, no one else had the right to peak in on your affection or gawk at your differences.
This moment in time was just for the two of you.
“Thomas! Where the hell are ya, boy!”
Well, until Uncle Charlie’s voice brought you back down to reality.
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samuraisharkie · 1 year
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man is it too much to want to get a hug without being the one to initiate or having to ask. like just getting a hug bc someone you’re close to knows you and knows you’re feeling bad and just wants to give you a hug?? why is that so rare
#vent#btw I hesitate to tag this as vent bc it’s a cry for fucking help#like I don’t want anything other than just. a little moment of tenderness#I just need to be held sometimes without having to go through a social qte first#I’ve been feeling so starved for like. not awkward sympathy or anything but just some irl acknowledgement that I’ve been grieving.#I’ve gotten it from like. one friend . (zazha.)#one family member (kitty).#NO one else has acknowledged my grief or initiated any comfort irl.#I mean acknowledged beyond a quick ‘oh yea sorry abt that btw :/ anyway’ halfway through a conversation#is it like. not a big deal to them so they forget?? is that it? bc I pretty clearly don’t feel the same way#I’m not even mad I’m just desperate. it’s hard for me to start the conversation sometimes. sometimes maybe I don’t want a talk just a hug.#just some expression that the people I’m close to know I’m going through something and could use comfort without me having to spell it out.#I promise y’all I’m not averse to surprise hugs when I’m going through a bad time. thats not gonna be a bad thing.#I have to start tearing up in front of people to get displays of affection or sympathy/comfort and I do NOT like that#I don’t like crying in front of people but when that’s the only way for me to get a semblance of understanding out of people.#then I’m just gonna have to deal by myself bc my body will literally suction those tears to my eyeballs unless I’m especially broken up atm#part of me wants to say I haven’t expressed enough that I need it but at the same time. my pet died. you’d think that’d be enough?#to let someone know I’m upset and could use some tenderness? I know for some people it isn’t such a big deal but like.#I was pretty openly shattered by that. and whenever I express that brokenness irl ppl get uncomfortable#I’m not even doing it in a weird way I’m just saying ‘I’m going through a lot right now. if I’m a little low energy or monotonous—#— that’s why.’#just. goddamn. i know I’m typing like im mad but im more distraught and a little hurt.#it just hurts when I have to be the one to emotionally spell everything out so whenever that’s difficult for me im just fucked#like I know those people I’m close to are going through their own shit but. goddamn. 😭#you’d think after your friend is dealing w a death you’d be able to spare SOMETHING#I’ve been meaning to schedule an appointment with my therapist that I rarely contact bc she’s Christian and maybe calling blue cross#but that takes some MAJOR emotional energy and also some time and space for me to be by myself and private in the house#which isn’t really possible#long story why the therapist is Christian and yet I haven’t found another btw. short version is finding therapists is hell#and she at the very least doesn’t impose her religion on me
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